#i mean i might be misunderstanding but thats part of what i took away i suppose

[wheelie-butch]

like I always feel a need to justify to people why i'm using my cane today or crutches or wheelchair in different situations but I think the idea of transmobility is that they're all equally valid and the way I want to move at any time is what matters?

[wheredidhiseyebrowsgo]

Hello! I don't know if you're still doing asks, but I was wondering if you had any disabled Stiles fics? Blind, deaf, paralyzed etc? If not thats okay but if so thank you so much!

AND

Hey! I just finished reading Cornerstone and Windows on ao3 and I was wondering if you knew of any other blind fics? It doesn't have to be Stiles being blind. I'm just curious. Thank you! I get all my favorite fics from you!

Here you go, Stiles with a disability.

Windows by dr_girlfriend

(28/28 I 83,017 I Explicit I Sterek)

Derek has a new neighbor who won't stop looking.

Excerpt:

“You’re blind,” Derek said flatly, the anger draining from him so suddenly he felt almost woozy. His vision cleared, his claws sliding back into blunt fingernails.

“Thanks for the memo, genius,” the kid said acidly. “I can still fucking defend myself, so don’t take another damn step.”

“Fuck, I...I’m sorry,” Derek stuttered.

“What?!” The kid’s brow crinkled. “I mean — what?! You’re fucking sorry!?” His lips thinned into a harsh line. “What, is this some kinda Hallmark movie where you’re discovering the error of your ways because you don’t want to rob a blind person?! That’s fucking condescending, man. I’ll have you know that —”

“Just, wait.” Derek interrupted what was apparently the start of a convincing argument as to why he should rob the kid after all, feeling his head start to spin. “This is — it’s a misunderstanding. I’m — I’m not robbing you. You’re — you’re safe, okay? I’m taking three steps back. Just — just let me explain.”

“Explain why you came busting into my apartment? Yeah, go right ahead, man, I can’t wait to hear this epic tale.”

Cornerstone by Vendelin

(6/6 I 83,738 I Explicit I Sterek)

Suffering from PTSD, ex-Marine Derek Hale moves back to Beacon Hills to open a bookshop and find a calmer life. That’s where he meets Stiles, completely by accident. Stiles is talkative, charming and curious. Somehow, despite the fact that he’s blind, he’s able to read Derek like no one else.

***

Darkness Before Dawn by lanoirpapillon

(1/1 I 856 I Teen I Sterek)

"Due to the actions of the Alpha pack, Stiles goes blind. After the threat is gone, Stiles has to learn to live without his sight, and maybe Derek would make the perfect seeing-eye wolf."

Nothing is Over by CinnamonLily

(1/1 I 2,083 I General I Steter)

Stiles had the perfect life, until his mate died. Again. It's been nine months, and he's not doing well. In fact, he resents everyone else's happiness and has become a hermit on autopilot. Somehow, he's forgotten that Peter never stays dead.

I See You Better by theroguesgambit

(1/1 I 4,686 I Teen I Sterek)

He dreams, sometimes, of his last moments of seeing.

At the church in Mexico, Stiles is blinded by a Berserker. Derek uses his new wolf status to act as a guide dog, while Stiles adjusts to his new reality.

Clueless by HappyJuicyfruit

(1/1 I 4,748 I General I No Pairing)

After everything they’ve been through together, all Derek wants is for his pack to be connected with strong, thriving, pack bonds. And for the most part, its working. The pack is growing, healing, happy.

He just needs to figure out why Stiles hates him so much.

My reflection is not who I am but who I must hide by RainbowDuck

(1/1 I 5,235 I Not Rated I No Pairing)

The first 11 years of Stiles (no one will ever know my real name) Stilinski's life were more of less textbook. The next 3 were hell and if it could go wrong, it did. Stiles and her dad Noah move to Beacon Hills for a new start and it ends up being the worst and the best thing.

In Your Footsteps (I Will Walk) by cywscross

(1/1 I 8,873 I Teen I Steter)

It takes him months, but Stiles gave him a destination, gave him direction, gave him hope, and so he goes.

T: Tremors by brokenes

(1/1 I 9,477 I Teen I Sterek)

Derek tried not to think of hospitals and blood and hearts no longer beating and his legs, leaving it all behind, knowing that Stiles' no longer could. It took him seven years to stop leaving.

Wild Tonic by officerstilinskihale

(1/1 I 11,010 I Mature I Sterek)

Stiles nodded and smiled again, his teeth flashing brightly and he signed something again, before looking frustrated with himself.

“You’re welcome,” Derek told him, feeling a wave of relief when Stiles’ face brightened. That would’ve been awkward if Stiles hadn’t been trying to say thank you.

“I had a really good time, so yeah. I’m glad you came with me,” he said, feeling his face grow hot. Derek wasn’t usually like this. He wasn’t confident. Sure, he had the looks and he could flirt shamelessly when he got hit on, but he always got shy around the people he genuinely liked, not that there was too many of those.

But Stiles didn’t let him dwell on that. He gripped Derek's arm, grinned cheekily and pointed at himself before lifting two fingers. It took a while for Derek to get it but when he did, he couldn’t stop a smile from spreading across his face.

Me too.

Show Your Teeth, Yellow With Desire by ItsMe_Basil

(1/1 I 22,883 I Explicit I Steter)

The man looked up when Stiles stepped into the room, eyes appraisingly taking Stiles in from head to toe before smirking.

"Hello, sweetheart."

Stiles felt his heart jump into his mouth, his breath hitching in his throat. The orderly hadn't stayed long, leaving the two of them alone.

"Peter." He breathed. "You're real."

where the Double Walker dwells by forestofbabel

(10/10 I 38,164 I Teen I Sterek)

Derek looked like he always did, perfectly groomed and a little gruff. Though, as Stiles glanced at him, Derek’s face was lax with surprise.

“Stiles?” Derek asked, sounding flummoxed.

“Dude, I know it’s been a while, but don’t be so surprised I’m hung over in the woods. It’s practically tradition at this point.”

Derek sniffed the air, eyeing him with distrust. “But, you can’t… I just…” he trailed it off like a question, taking a half step forward before pulling out his phone and dialing a number, eyes never leaving Stiles.

Complications by idareu2bme

(15/15 I 42,523 I Teen I Sterek)

Derek hadn’t meant to involve Stiles in all this --Stiles who was warm and pliable in his sleep, whose warm, brown eyes reflected light they would never again see, who had a smile brighter than the sun, and who could see Derek when others never did.

At least the Road to Hell is paved, I'm not good with Stairways by lady emebalia (emebalia)

(80/80 I 170,037 I Explicit I Sterek)

When Derek signs up on a BDSM dating site, he expects things to be straight forward. Turns out the road ahead has more unexpected turns than he thought. But at least Stiles comes well equipped for twists and turns.

Caretakers by em2mb

(14/15 I 277,924 I Teen I Sterek)

Now Lydia sees the white room clearly, Stiles sitting cross-legged on the nemeton in his lacrosse jersey, squinting at a chessboard.

That’s when Lydia realizes her vantage point makes her Stiles’ opponent — and she has him in check.

Her instinct is to push her own king into danger, but Stiles grabs her wrist. “Come on, Lydia,” he says dryly, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Chess might not be your game, but surely you know that’s against the rules.”

Lydia tries to squirm away from him. “But you’ll die,” she insists, his grip tightening so much she’s certain his long fingers will leave bruises.

“Say it, Lydia,” Stiles urges. “Checkmate. Checkmate. Checkmate — ”

[heyitsyn]

Manager!Seijoh Part 4

a/n: I LIVE FOR THESE MANAGER SEIJOH ASKS LIKE BLS TAKE OVER MY LIFE

(i originally planned to write the other schools for the manager scenario like theyre already in my drafts with plans and partly written out but like seijoh is my TOP PRIORITY (sorry pls dont hate me) BC THEY ARE MY BOIS)

also, most of my ask box is all for a kyoken ending and kyoken fluff and aoba johsai fluff and im quaking bc this is spurring me to create more aoba johsai imagines and my love for the other schools is just like being overshadowed by our little plant babies :’)

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

anon request: Im the anon who mentioned the chaos about the dating and can I say I love it!!! 🙏🙏 i kinda have this hc for the boys that they fight whenever they go on bus rides, just because they want yn to sit next to them. But she usually sits next to the calmer members?? The reason the boys fight?? She may or may not have fallen asleep a few times, her head on kyo/iwa shoulder. 🥺🥺

LMAO THAT PART JUST REEKED CHAOTIC ENERGY AND SHE WOULD TOTALLY SIT NEXT TO THEM JUST TO SPITE THE OTHERS AND I LOVE THE IRONY LIKE THE MOST AGGRESSIVE LOOKING ARE THE SOFTEST AND CALMEST TOWARDS HER LIKE PLEASE KYOKEN AND IWA ARE JUST LITTLE SOFT BEANS AND DESERVE THE WORLD

(bruh im so soft for iwa and kyo like my best bois and i must write them out IMMEDIATELY bc theyre so uggghhhhhh!!!!!!!)

MY TWO MEN IN ONE GIF GOD HAS BLESSED ME-

oh dear

bus rides,,,,, yep here we go

the team is usually peaceful and civil w each other (minus iwa literally beating oiks up but thats irrelevant information)

like they dont really have fights or have any arguments bc they meet up every saturday to talk about the week and if anybody had any concerns or anything they were mad about since it was like a family meeting

but boy oh boy

when you entered this family,,, arguments and misunderstandings happened once a week

‘no! y/n-chan said she was going to go shopping with me!’

‘um, she already agreed to go to to the arcade w me’

‘wait, she told me we were going to go visit that cafe!’

yes you agreed to do those things w them but you never assigned a date

your attention was something that these boys were always wanting since they only see you during club hours and practices

their jealousy gets really ugly sometimes and the two first years actually get all smug about it 

‘hm, y/n, we still up for studying later?’

you ruffled his hair and smiled up at him

‘yep! we need to set an alarm though or else i’d end up staying after 1 in the morning again’

‘great. cant wait’

kunimi rarely shows any emotion towards his senpais but they couldnt miss the smug smirk that made oikawa grip the volleyball and mattsun holding him back

god hes such a little shite

everyone knows that the first years have a upperhand than them bc of your same grade so the upperclassmen were much more sensitive to spending time with you outside of practice

and they liked to spend that time wisely

when the time for away games come, you weren’t that worried about it

i mean,, why would you when boarding the bus is going to be so early in the morning at like 4 in the morning and theyd be sleeping the whole time so you get peace and quiet

in fact, you were looking forward!

but nope!

jesus took the wheel and said no

instead, you were watching the team members shouting and yelling at each other at the asscrack of dawn

say sike rn

the 2 coaches were actually not there yet so they werent able to help you and whip the boys to order so here you were, bleary eyed and clearly still tired, sighing and rolling your eyes at the fight

‘SHE SITS WITH ME! IM TEAM CAPTAIN! I GET DIBS!’

‘NO! YOU DROOL ON HER AND MESS UP HER CLOTHES! YOU LIKE MAKKI-SENPAI MORE, RIGHT, Y/N-CHAN?!’

now you might be asking me, ‘author-chan, why are they fighting so hard for something as simple as a bus ride?’

well, my young grasshoppers, this is not just a simple bus ride

you are infamous in the team to be a sleeper

no matter what form of transportation, bus, car, any surface, you found yourself in dream land

yall i wish i was like that

the sleep paralysis demon beside my bed says otherwise

they freak out and fight over even a simple touch of affection from you, do you really think they wouldnt fight tooth and nail to being your pillow and freely watching your adorable sleeping face?

these men are fighting as if they were fighting something serious like a world war

lmao with how intensely theyre fighting, it practically is

but there were two players who actually didnt care either way since they only wanted you to be the most comfortable and they werent exactly the most squishiest members

in fact, they were basically all muscle and probably not the most comfortable

NOPE I BELIEVE THAT IWA IS IN FACT ONE OF THE MOST COMFIEST AND BEST PILLOWS IN THE ENTIRE HAIKYUU UNIVERSE

totally not my bias talking or anything

so it was no surprise when they didnt get themselves involved

iwa was already done w them and goes in the bus because mom deserves a nap

naturally, kyo follows the leader and boards the bus after him, leaving the others to fight it out in the school parking lot

you were happy that they were too distracted that they wouldnt notice you sneaking away into the bus and you were slightly disappointed that out of all the seats, kyo had to sit in the one-seater by the front

so you immediately went over to the other person, who was iwa-san, and he was just settling in, pulling out his teal blanket

you blinked at him when he caught you stare but he gently smiled before opening the blanket

‘i was never a fan of window seats anyways’

you happily bounced over to him and you placed your bag at the overhead compartment bc seijoh is bougee and can afford everything before you climbed over him to the seat next to the window

iwaizumi tried to make you as comfortable as he can so he kept the seat divider thing yanno what im talking about? between you

but his eyes widened when you casually pulled it up and snuggled closer to him

youve done this before so he opened his right arm for you to cuddle closer but he was still surprised 

meanwhile,,,

you just closed your eyes with a smile as you pulled the blanket to your chin and practically glomped yourself to iwa

ugh im so jealous of you!!!!!!!!!!

‘hmmmm, youre so warm iwa-san. youre like,,,,, jacob from twilight’

his eyebrow quirked and he smiled, wrapping his arm around you and tightly holding you close

‘oh? the werewolf?’

he felt your head nod

‘mhm. so warm, and strong, yet so gentle and soft’

by now, both your legs were already swung over his lap and head on his chest as you sat sideways

his fingers traced circles around your middle as his other hand was fiddling with your fingers

‘didnt he like mark a little girl?’

‘iwa-san dont talk about that!’

his laugh grumbled his chest and you giggled, trying to become even closer towards his naturally warm chest and inhale his scent

lavender mixed with peppermint

it was such an odd combination from the people you knew and you were immediately drawn to it

thats why you usually wore his jacket rather than your own

he always gets confused as to where it is but you steal it and watch him look for it

you didnt hear that from me though

it didnt take a long time for you to fall asleep and by the time the 2 coaches finally arrived and yelled at the players, they were already late

‘oikawa, i thought youd handle this properly!’

oiks whimpered from the coach’s scolding but apologized then pushed everyone in

the sight in front of them made them both boil in jealousy and squeal in uwus

you, the softest and sweetest and kindest little flower human being, being cuddled up to iwaizumi, the brute and bara arms and the ultra macho strong man, who had his head on top of you

KYAAAAAAAA

even though they knew you were a heavy sleeper and iwa slept like a rock, they still quieted down and silently walked over to their seats, hissing and shushing at anyone who even made the slightest bit of noise

rustle of the bags?

SSSSHHHHHH

seat creaking as they sit down?

SSSHHHHHHHH

they only let this slide bc your sleeping face was just so cute and they didnt have the heart to wake you up

and also face the wrath of titan iwa and be thrown into the atlantic ocean like oikawa did one time

when you finally arrived at the stadium, they waited for a rough 10 minutes just to figure out how to wake you up

they didnt want to wake up iwa first and have him yell at them but they didnt want to wake you up first either

but kyo didnt understand the dilemma and instead just goes to the back where yall were at and he goes to the seat behind you so he could reach you easily and tickles your cheek

the team is just like 👁️👄👁️

your nose scrunches at this tingling sensation until it continues so you open your eyes and finds kyo just smiling down at you

oiks is literally shaking bc he could see the smallest smile on kyo’s face

‘wake up’

with his gruff voice, it sounded like he was ordering you around but you knew he couldnt help it and blinked tiredly at him, giving him a smile of your own

‘hm, hi kyo-san’

you winced at the sudden appearance of the sunlight and that made you fully wake up before flinched at the eyes of the other players

‘hello, everyone’

you said slowly and you sat up, noticing iwa still sleeping

oiks held his breath bc hes been friends w iwa since he was still a baby and he knows that its like waking up a sleeping dragon

‘wait y/n-chan-’

but you didnt listen and poked his nose

‘iwa-san? iwa-san, we’re here’

you cooed and the poking made his eyes flutter open and with his head still tilted to the side, he swore he saw an angel by the way the sunlight hit the back of your head giving you a smiling angel effect

hm, i could get used to seeing this when i wake up

you grinned and when he finally stretched, you sat up stright, waiting for iwa to get up so you could slide out

but kyo was an impatient little bean and just hoisted you out of there and towards him behind the seat

‘come on. i got your bag’

he mumbled and you nodded, letting him hold your hand

lmao wait i forgot the time this is set

this is set during the 2nd inter-high okay? okay

oiks was still complaining at kyo and iwa hogging you but you didnt listen and continued walking towards the entrance, glancing around at the other teams

as usual, oiks and iwa were walking to the front bc yanno, captain and vice-captain, while you and kyo walked at the back, mainly bc you didnt want any player to stray off like kindaichi did last time and look for him for hours

kyo gripped your hand and you turned your head to look at him to see his eyes glaring at anything

you chuckled which made him look down at you, the glare slowly disappearing

‘hm, kyo-san, you should really invest in contacts. it doesnt matter if wearing glasses makes you feel like a nerd bc you still need it to see’

he scrunched his nose when you scolded him and he was about to retort when him and the team caught the whisperings of the nearby teams

‘oh my god, seijoh and the beautiful manager’

‘how old is she? i hope shes at least a second year’

‘ngh id tap that’

IM BLEEHHHHH

‘is he her boyfriend? if so, the competition isnt that hard then’

kyo growled and was about to lunge at the yellow jacketed boy but you held him back, also worriedly looking at your boys

‘seijoh, down’

you ordered and they shrunk back, opting to just glaring heatedly at the other teams

you could still feel kyo shaking at rage to them sexualizing you but your hands squeezing him and the other hand rubbing his arm helped him control it

‘dont make a scene, kyo-san. its your first competition since your suspension, right? and you love volleyball so please keep it in. i can protect myself’

you whispered but he let go of your hand and wrapped his arm around your shoulder, pulling you close and continuing to glare at everyone as if he was asserting dominance

‘if they touch you-’

‘ill kick them between the legs, i know. you told me already’

you teased and he hummed in agreement

when they played, they were at ease bc the two coaches were there and they were also protective of you like their own so they wouldnt have to worry about someone to go after you

however,,

as they were warming up for the second game, you had to quickly fill up their water bottles bc they were already tired and dehydrated so you needed to fill them up

and they were all busy and you didnt want to bother them and you were going to be quick anyways so you just took the case of bottles and ran to the nearby water fountain

you were hurriedly filling them up and at your last bottle, you were about to cap it when you felt a presence behind you

he stood close and his arms snaked around your waist but you hurriedly tightened the lid and whacked him at the head with the heavy bottle

you continuously hit him and kicked him between the legs before hitting him again

‘DONT TOUCH ME AGAIN!’

you shouted and iwa and kyo were watching from the end of the hallway, panting from running so fast since they heard your shouts

okay a little flashback,

kyo was watching you from his perepharal vision and when he went up to spike, he took his eyes off of you for ONE DAMN SECOND and you nyoomed out of there

when he didnt see you anywhere, he wildly looked around and this caught the attention of the vice-captain

‘oi! kyotani! whats wrong?’

‘y/n. where is she?’

they took off running and the team was just like what

then they heard shouts and kyo knew it was you

his mad dog senses

hehe get it

he as about to tackle the guy but he saw you beat him with a water bottle and eventually taking another bottle and kicking him and hitting him with the two waters

the player cowered and scrambled to get away bc wow this girl was psycho

um no sir, she was protecting herself from hormonal testosterone filled children like you

‘YEA GO RUNNING! COME TO ME AGAIN AND ILL BEAT YOU UP HARDER! DISGUSTING! TRASH! GROSS! SCUM!’

maybe it was because the last time you were touched without consent was when you got bullied but you were definitely fighting harder and more aggressive at protecting yourself

you turned around and the rage from your eyes disappeared when you saw the two boys there

‘hey iwa-san! kyo-san! sorry, i needed to fill the water bottles!’

you grinned and placed the bottles back to the case before lugging it up

my god their eyes were shining

yep, thats my girl

when their games were over for the day, they made their way to the exit where the bus was at and you and kyo stayed behind again

you caught the eye of the guy and his team and you and kyo glared at him, both wearing a sadistic smile

UGH YALL ARE COUPLE GOALS I SWEAR

kyo even went up to him and the team shrunk leaving the guy standing there in fear at the look on his face

‘listen, i dont like it when my baby girl gets touched by filthy shite like you. so do it again, and ill chop those damn fingers of yours, got it?’

lmao he’ll come for your ankles

the guy just nodded in fear while his team were cowering at the back

you chuckled and pulled kyo to go bc as much as you liked watching this, you needed to go to the bus to go home

‘cmon, kyo, i want to go. im getting a headache from the smell of garbage’

he shifted his gaze to you and sent you a soft smile

‘okay. lets go’

hah you thought it ends there?

kyo is a dramatic little shite so he made a show of grabbing your waist and kissing your temple before flashing them a finger

oiks was tapping his foot impatiently at the bus and when you and kyo emerged from the entrace, he was about to snatch you up but kyo stood in front of you

‘EH?! KYOKEN-CHAN, I WANT TO SIT WITH Y/N-CHAN!’

‘no’

he said and didnt say anything else as he pulled you to the bus and into a two seater where you sat at the window again and he sat on the outside

‘hah? you want to sit next to me, kyo-san?’

you teased but he flushed red, hurriedly hiding in your neck

you laughed and brought a hand up to caress his nape

‘mhm’

he mumbled and you pursed your lips to hide the squeal

‘youre so cute, kyo-san’

‘not cute’

‘very cute’

‘no’

‘AM I CUTE Y/N-CHAN?’

‘SHUT UP SHITTYKAWA’

kyoken got away from your neck and went to hit the captain 

oikawa screamed

a/n: my first week of school was so weird bc we only have like 2 days and the other days are just free days bc we havent really done anything except talk about our classes but im just hating this system like ugh i actually want to go to school bc ya girl is going to a tech school and this 2-day a week is not the vibe

[prinxlyart]

Your Vinira is sSO SWEET MY HEART US MELTING! How Viney not only accept Emira' stutter but straight up loves it?! Oh my poor bleeding heart! Now, my own question: How do the redeemed Blight parents react to their relationship?

Ooohhh see at least in my Willumity headcanons, Alador and Odalia don’t redeem themselves for several years. Like, maybe 8 or 9 years from when our girls first start dating. I imagine Viney and Emira become a thing in roughly the same time frame. So Emira doesn’t even tell her parents about her girlfriend. Viney introduces Emira to her parent(s) (eventually, maybe after like 6 months of dating?? Maybe a year?) and they are super wary at first because a Blight???? Is dating our daughter?????? And Viney reassures them that yes, they’re dating and it’s not some wild ruse. That being said, the heads of the Blight family also don’t know they’re dating so like. They’re trying to keep their relationship on the DL.

But if I’m gonna dip deeper......

( way deeper. This is another one of those Long One’s, lol )

I think....if Alador and Odalia catch wind of their daughters dating people they don’t approve of, there would be hell to pay. Like, all of them being grounded until further notice and that means escorts to and from school, no friends, no extra curricular activities, nothing but school and home. Not even their “approved friends” are able to communicate with them because their scrolls would be confiscated. Tutors (babysitters) while they do homework and further studying on weekends. No contact with the outside world. And if they even try to speak with anyone at school? They’ll all be pulled from Hexside and be homeschooled from then on.

All the while they’ll be using their connections to have Viney, Willow and Luz expelled, permanently. They may not have too much sway over these delinquents’ lives, but they’re going to make sure they’ll never be able to advance in society. And then they find out that this “Luz” is the Human that dared go against Emperor Belos? I can’t even begin to imagine the hell they’d bring down on them all.

So yeah, there’s a lot of disaster scenarios like that that haunt the Blight girls and ensure that they’ll never tell their parents of their relationships and will keep most displays of affection away from the rats that would somehow get the word back to them. At first it might hurt Luz and Viney to not be able to be affectionate, but Willow 100% understands. She already has that history looming over her in her memory. Viney and Luz will often use the Secret Room of Shortcuts in order to just hang out with their respective girls between breaks when they can.

I genuinely don’t know how the timeline of events will play out in the show in regards to Belos and the portal. It could take just days, weeks, months??? Years???? Before he’s taken down accordingly and a new portal is made.

Regardless, I like to think that in that time though, the moment the twins turn 18, they leave and they take Amity with them. They’re not just going to sit idly by anymore. Whether that means revoking their family name by some intensive ritual or just fleeing and using whatever money they took with them to find an apartment somewhere, they need to get out from under their parents’ thumb. As soon as they’ve established new lives for themselves, they are as open with their relationships as they want. They might even be a little over-eager, what with Amity kissing her girlfriends for probably too long at school in front of everyone, or Emira actively distracting Viney from her work while on the clock.

By the time we get to the point where they’re trying to re-enter their children’s lives, it’s stiff and awkward at best and like bulls butting heads at worst. The Blights are using any method they can to bring their children back home, whether it’s promises of extra freedom or putting in a good word to their coven of choice; even sending them extravagant gifts that none of them want. This maybe goes on for about a year before the twins and Amity agree to meet with their former parents. They bring their respective partners with them too; not as back up or anything, but mostly as moral support and as a giant middle finger to their parents.

Alador and Odalia don’t hold back their disdain. For their children’s’ foolishness, for their childish behavior thats ruffled so many feathers within the Emperor’s coven, for the damage they’ve all done to the Blight name; and for their daughters’ choices in partners.

They could take all of the other nonsense their parents were spouting, but being so outwardly hostile to their respective partners??? That causes Emira to nearly turn the entire Blight Manor upside down and Amity to summon an abomination large enough to chuck the manor into the Boiling Sea with her parents inside. Edric manages (somehow) to keep them both sane long enough to continue their conversation, at which point I think the Blights simply write off their girls’ anger as petty childishness.

And that. Is what sets off Luz, Willow and Viney. They absolutely go off on the Blights and just tear them both a new one. I think it’s been a long time since the Blights actually feared anyone besides the Emperor, but in that meeting, they feared these teenagers who seemed to radiate more power than they’d ever been witness to before. I think Emira and Amity are both shocked but Edric just gets comfortable and summons some popcorn to watch the show because finally, someone is telling off these miserable witches they used to call their parents.

They don’t meet with their parents again for a few more years after that encounter. I think Emira and Viney maybe break up once for a week before getting back together due to a misunderstanding, but Amity couldn’t possibly be happier with her life as it goes on, free from her parents and being able to be with her girls as she wants.

Over the course of the following years, they all still receive correspondence from their parents. On every birthday, they send a sum of money and a simple greeting. Every holiday season is the exact same. I think Luz is the only one to actually reach out to Alador and Odalia. I think she sends them a photo of their most recent holiday get together; where everyone is smiling or laughing or making messes or whatever. The exact opposite of every holiday held at the Blight Manor. They see each of their children, smiling and looking truly happy. And on the back, Luz maybe writes something about wanting to speak to them. Alone. Not with Amity or Willow, not with Emira or Viney, not with Edric, no one else. Just Luz and the Blights. They agree.

When Luz meets with them, it’s tense. They’re all quiet and stiff and still have an aura of hatred hanging between them. But Luz clears her throat and informs them that she’s planning on proposing to Amity and Willow. She’s still not sure when, or how, but it’s something she’s planning. She also informs them that if they don’t want to miss another wedding, they’d better clean their acts up and fast. And she just hands them a small scrapbook full of pictures of Emira and Viney’s wedding. They hadn’t even known it had happened. They weren’t informed, let alone invited, and Luz was granting them possibly the only chance they’ll ever have again at being in their children’s lives. Luz lets them know to reach out to her if they decide they want to be in their kids’ lives again and leaves them with the scrapbook.

When they do reach out, Luz shows up at Blight Manor with three others in tow: Eda and Lilith Clawthorne and Camila Noceda. They are three different kinds of pissed and the Blights have the good sense to just be good hosts and invite them in with little fanfare or argument. They all settle in with cups of tea and I think Lilith goes first; she tells them about how she’s had the opportunity to watch Amity grow up, even more so after she abandoned the Emperor’s coven. Over time she still acted as something of a mentor, but also as a parental figure when she or the twins needed her to be. She was honored to officiate Emira and Viney’s wedding. She’s grateful to be part of their lives because she’s been a witness to their incredible achievements. She really digs the knife in deeper when she tells them that Emira and Viney are considering having kids but Emira’s been especially hesitant due to fears that she’ll somehow end up like her parents.

Eda goes next, not even having touched her tea, just sitting with her legs and arms crossed and glaring at them in the most severe way. She tells them about the various sleepovers she’s hosted over the years. How at least half of those sleepovers found Eda talking outside with at least one Blight child if not all of them in the middle of the night.

She tells them she got herself a scroll for the first time ever because she knew those kids needed an adult figure that wouldn’t reprimand them for existing. They needed an adult figure to go to for comfort and guidance, someone that could reassure them that their best is more than enough. They don’t need to work themselves into the ground for a scrap of approval or force themselves into the rigid mold their parents made for them.

She tells them she’s seen more tears from the Blight kids than she’s ever seen from any other kind of creature. Not even Luz cried as often as they did, and she’s a giant softy (Luz lets out an indignant “hey!” At that and pouts). She tells them that she, Edalyn Clawthorne, the Boiling Isles Most Wanted, has provided more warmth and comfort for their kids in the time she’s known them than they [the Blight Parents] had in their lives.

Eda hasn’t had magic for years. But everyone knew how powerful she once was. They had all gone to school together too, of course they remember her and the trouble she caused. She lets them know that if she even had an ounce of the magic she once had, she would use it to decimate the Blight parents in every way possible for causing so much harm to three bright, talented, loving children that have grown into some of the most powerful witches the Boiling Isles has to offer. She also lets them know that before they even consider being part of those kids’ lives again, they have a lot of shit to work on and sort out. Because if they don’t? It doesn’t matter whether or not Eda has magic. She will decimate them.

Finally Camila sets her empty tea cup down and levels them with the most venomous stare she can. She’s the only one of Luz’s guests that’s actually also a biological mother. If she could, she’d probably go Super Saiyan with the sheer power she’s exuding with this stare. The Blights actually flinch which causes Lilith to have to hide a chuckle (she’s been on the receiving end of that rage before and she’s excited to see it unleashed on them).

She just starts tearing into them like her life depends on it. She doesn’t hold back in the slightest. She admonishes them for holding their social status at a higher priority than the safety and happiness of their own children. Her criticisms and curses are all laid out with razor precision. The longer she goes on, the more the Blights shrink in on themselves. Alador definitely starts crying at one point but refuses to wipe his tears away because he knows there’ll just be more anyway. The Clawthornes are shocked at seeing him cry, throughout their time at Hexside and while Lilith worked with the Blights in the Emperor’s coven, they’d never seen Alador express an emotion beyond irritation. Odalia also has tears in her eyes but she refuses to let them fall. Her face is bright red in shame though, it just grows steadily more red as Camila goes on. (Luz idly notes that that must be where Amity and the twins get their blushing genes from. She also notes that Odalia looks remarkably like Amity and wonders if that’s what Amity will look like when they’re that age. Her heart flutters a little at the concept of being with Amity for the rest of their lives, but she tampers down the runaway thoughts to refocus on her mom’s tirade).

By the time Camila’s done with them, Alador and Odalia are hiding their faces in shame. Alador’s trying to stifle his crying to the best of his ability cuz his breaths are turning ragged from how much emotion he’s experiencing. Odalia is desperately trying to wipe her tears away without ruining her makeup, but she’s also quietly sniffling and hiccuping. Camila sits back with a satisfied huff and Luz pats her shoulder (as a thank you? As a good job? As a ‘tag me in it’s my turn’? Who can say).

After letting the Blights collect themselves, Luz clears her throat to get their attention. She struggles for a moment to figure out the best way to say it, but ends up setting her jaw firmly and just blurting it out: she asks for their blessing for her to marry Amity.

After a moment of shocked silence, Luz’s courage starts to crumble a little and she begins to explain herself; she knows that Amity doesn’t value their opinion. She hasn’t for years now. Luz also doesn’t value their opinion. But if she’s going to such lengths to try and give one of the loves of her life her parents back? She may as well start off with a show of respect.

Odalia is the one that gets up from where she’s sitting and quietly approaches Luz. Eda and Lilith are about ready to throw hands if need be and Camilia starts to put her arm in front of Luz, but Luz stands up to meet her. Odalia gently takes Luz’s hands (she also notes that her hands are just as tiny and soft as Amity’s) and brings both of their hands up to about chest level. She has to clear her voice before she speaks; her throat became tight with the tears and hiccuping she was trying to hold back.

Odalia takes one hand to draw a large circle around their joined hands before clasping Luz’s hands again. She tells Luz that she absolutely has their blessing, and vows to do whatever she needs to to atone for the cruelty she put her children through. And so the Everlasting Oath is sealed.

Alador also stands up and does the same in a tear-strained voice. After his oath has been sealed, he places his hands on Luz’s shoulders and thanks her for being so damn stubborn.

They promise that they’ll be in touch with Luz again soon, but they need to talk to one another first and really sort everything out. Luz gives them a small smile and confirms that she’ll be waiting to hear from them as the Clawthornes/Nocedas stand up to leave. Before they leave, Odalia gently places a hand on Camila’s shoulder and asks her quietly if she could maybe come to her for advice on how to approach their children when they’ve figured themselves out. Camila stares at her for a moment before giving her a smile and nodding. She doesn’t have a scroll or anything, so she tells her to just reach out to Luz when they’re ready to talk. Odalia just nods and the Blights watch as their guests leave.

I think it particularly strikes Alador how casually Eda ruffles Luz’s hair and pulls her in for a side hug, loudly telling her how proud she is of her for pulling such a bold move. It dawns on him that he used to do that to Edric when he was still smaller than his own knee. It may have been after the first spell Edric ever successfully cast. Odalia sees Camila scoop Luz into her arms and plant a giant kiss to a her head, probably also praising Luz. They watch as Luz puts her arms around Eda and Camila’s shoulders as they leave the Blight estate and Alador closes the door before he starts crying again.

I think that’s the first time in years the Alador and Odalia really hug each other properly. Not to pose for a picture, not just a quick greeting as they pass each other in the halls of the Emperor’s coven, but like. For comfort. I don’t think they really realized how big and cold and empty their manor is until that moment.

I think it takes several months for them to get their acts together. They seek out a family counselor, they have weekly tea with Camila, they dust off the parenting books that have been untouched on the shelves in their library for decades. They look into Viney’s family and find out that she and Emira have started their own service beast program. The general air of grief and undertone of determination is interrupted by a moment of sheer pride at knowing their eldest daughter not only found someone she loves, but has taken the risk of starting her own business with her wife that’s a genuine service to the Boiling Isles. They make a few duplicates of the newspaper article they found announcing the grand opening of the first Service Beast Training Center and Shelter on the Boiling Isles and have it framed in different places; there’s one on the desk in their study, there’s another on their wall in their bedroom; they each have their own copy at their desks at work.

No joke, it’s taken Luz months to convince Emira and Viney that Em’s parents are trying to change. Emira has absolutely 0 faith in her parents being able to turn over a new leaf. It’s not until they hear Camila say that she’s surprised at the Blight’s improvement after their last tea meeting that they even consider that they actually are trying to change.

Luz coordinates a day and time for them to all meet once Emira and Viney agree to do so. I think they meet at a park somewhere, maybe a particularly nice public garden (maybe it’s Willow’s). Emira’s never seen her parents look so nervous before and that already sparks some hope in her heart that all of Luz’s efforts might not be naught. I think Odalia tries to reach out to hug Emira but like, actually flinches when Emira steps back. So instead they sit at one of the secluded garden tables and just talk.

Alador and Odalia apologize in as much depth as they can. Emira just sits and lets them say everything they want to say. Once they’re done with everything they can think of, they just sit in silence for a minute while Emira processes everything they’ve said. It’s not until Viney squeezes her hand that Emira finally starts crying. She wants to be angry, she is angry, but her entire heart feels like a full-grown griffon just stood up from where it was sitting and flew away. Her heart feels so much lighter. She stands up and moves to her parents and they stand and embrace her tightly for a while. Viney also feels like a huge weight has been lifted just watching the exchange. Maybe she also cries a little bit because she’s so happy to see her wife so happy. (And she maybe ignores the sound of a high five happening in the distance; she’s like, 90% sure Luz is there with someone else spying on them to make sure the meeting goes well).

All the Blights have full-on waterworks going on because they each individually realize this is the first time they’ve expressed their love for each other in probably more than a decade. Long before Emira and Edric took Amity and left. Viney maybe also hears a muffled sniffle and when she turns around to see, yup, there’s Luz, and she’s definitely crying into Willow’s shoulder. Viney rolls her eyes. Luz is such a sap. That’s probably why they all love her so much. She brings out the sap in all of them too.

After the Blights finally calm down, Alador and Odalia have an entire separate list of things to apologize to Viney for, which takes her off guard. She maybe expected an apology for the last time she saw them in person, but they went waaaay deeper than just that. And then they don’t stop at the apologies? They start thanking her for all sorts of stuff. Like loving Emira and being there for her when they weren’t. For helping her grow into the incredible person she’s become. They also congratulate them on their Service Beast Shelter and ask if maybe eventually they’d be allowed to visit and see them in their element. That’s when Viney’s face finally splits into a wide grin and she joins the big family hug they’ve got going on.

Lmao so yeah, long story short, it takes them a long-ass time, but eventually the Blights learn to love Viney 💖💖💖

[jinnyu]

Used artwork credit here

A/N: I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THE DRAFT AND THEREFORE THE ASK WAS ALSO DELETED, IM SORRY— alright, hopefully you'll enjoy this nonetheless, thanks for asking! I'll try to find the person who asked for this prompt later.

And so, this ask is Raihan x Female! Reader, the prompt is displayed above.

━─━─━━─━「₪」━━─━─━─━

You sip your bottled tea as you watched Raihan battle the opposing gym challenger from the bleachers; to say you're amused was an understatement. The dragon tamer never ceased to amaze you everytime he's in a battle, regardless if he reigns victorious or fell down in the depths of defeat— his match is always wild, numerous of fans shouting for his side as he let the sandstorm take over the stadium, enveloping it in a rough weather.

The fans were alright though considering the stadium was perfectly designed for these type of things, protecting the said viewers from the harsh effects of the weather— which Raihan takes pride in, looking at how his technique consist of taking advantage of the weather to boost his pokemons powers.

This is what makes you baffled with his performance every time. Even if you already became a Champion that rules over Galar, you didn't look down on him, and you're not planning to.

Occasionally, the dragon tamer would lock eyes with you, sending chills down your spine as his cerulean eyes stare right through you, followed by that signature smug grin of his in which his fans has grown a liking to. You gave him a gesture of support by clenching your hands accompanied by a determined look on your eyes. He noticed your small action and gave you a thumbs up before focusing on the match infront of him once again.

Some fans mistaken it as him looking at them, and they immediately melted on the spot due to that misunderstanding. Though you didn't pay any mind to it, you dont want to ruin people's happiness anyways, just let them be.

After the earthshaking match, which Raihan managed to reign victorious, he gave a hug to the challenger, and telling them that there were no hard feelings involved. Luckily for him, the challenger was still determined to try harder for a rematch in the near future, and they can ensure Raihan that they'll be the one taking victory home next time they meet.

Raihan saw that as a challenge and he's going to get stronger, he wants to give his best at every match, that's his job after all. Losing just wont do for him.

When all of that commotion ended, you approached the said dragon tamer with a smile dancing on your lips and arms open wide, incase he wanted a good ol' hug after the match.

You know him so well, of course he wanted a hug, and its from you— you.. you're his crush, not that you know it, its a new thing for him too. He took an interest on you when he saw you battle at the Championship Cup, reaping the victory without any effort; you're strong, you're tough, you're more than what you seem, and Raihan liked that part of you.

Though on other times, you're also clumsy, careless, and mostly oblivious. These trait of yours just amplified your attractiveness level to Raihan; strong and oblivious usually doesn't match with eachother, yet you managed to make them mix well, creating... you.

"Good job on the victory!"

You planted your face on his chest, burying your head in the warm feeling of his hoodie, and trying your best not to get tiny little sand stuck in your head. It'll be a pain in the ass to clean up later if you did. Your arms wrapped around his lean waist, hugging him as tight as you could to show him your affection.

Raihan responded well by hugging you back and ruffling your hair, saying a light 'thanks' along the way. Maybe without your support, he would've lost this round, and other rounds from before— no matter, he should just focus on the present, where you're hugging him in the middle of the stadium... infront of his assistants. Not to mention Leon is also watching, accompanied by chairman Rosé.

The dragon tamer then pulled back after awhile, he knows this affectionate act of yours doesn't have any meaning behind it. Just a hug you gave to your bestie after his gruelling match; it has became a habit at this point, and you didn't even notice that. Raihan did though, he paid attention on every little details about you. From the way you dressed, to the way your expression changes over the time, that even he notices the smallest shift in your mood during the day.

Silence began spreading between you both, and its getting kind of uncomfy. So you decided to break away the tension by helping him dusting off the sand on his body, and his features. The amount was quite a lot, and it's going to take awhile if you really want to remove all of the tiny bits of sand from the previous match. You even thought about suggesting him to not use the sandstorm weather next time, it's really getting troublesome and somewhat irritating to handle. At least for you.

"Stay still im helping you clean up" you said as you reached for his headband. He didn't want any help in cleaning up this time, considering that Leon is here, and few of his assistants—lets not forget about chairman Rosé whos observing from the sidelines, possibly being held captive by Oleana because of work reasons.

Raihan then gripped your arm as he tilted his head a little bit back, preventing you from reaching his tangerine headband "No need princess, i can clean it up by myself" he grinned, trying to hide the embarrassment thats slowly growing inside him.

Sure he might be a man of confidence, pride swelling on his chest with each step that he takes, but the poor dragon tamer only could handle so much when it comes to you. All that pride and confidence washed away just like that, and thats all because of your damned adorable oblivious trait.

You were determined to take off his headband, even if that means you need to use all off your techniques on him. This time, you only relied on your obliviousness. You really dont know what effect it has on him— you didn't even know if your oblivious trait has an effect on him at all! But you saw him blushing a few times from you being genuinely curious about something, so its worth a try.

Raihan was completely caught of guard when he looked down at you and your determined eyes; it was different from before where you're supporting him, he cant tell whats really different, but it just hits diffrent. You reaching up with Raihan gripping your wrist, warm eyes locking with his followed by a small curl on the edge of your lips as you felt him slowly reducing his strength in the effort to prevent you reach for his headband.

This only resulted in him looking away, blush subtly creeping on his cheeks as he tried to avoid eye contact with you. The Great Raihan would never be embarrassed in such a situation, hell, he'd be the one to make you embarrassed! But this time, apparently the odds were in your side , and you're grateful for that.

The thing you didn't understand was; why is he blushing? You didn't do anything, you only tried to take off his headband in order to clean it, and yet when he locked eyes with you, a tint of blush appeared on his chocolate skin, in which he attempted to hide it by looking at anywhere but towards your direction. This was a great opportunity to make him blush more, dont you think? Its rare to see Raihan blush out of nowhere, and you got to see it up close! A way great opportunity, you couldn't bear to pass this chance.

With a gentle push forwards from your body and him being off guard, you two tumbled down to the ground below you with a loud 'thud' ; Raihan covered your fall by pulling you close to his chest, which makes you comfortably land on his body instead.

"Honestly," you trailed as you got up from your position, lifting your body up with your hands on each side of Raihan's head before looking down onto him with a joyful grin plastered on your face "You're cute when you blush, Rai" you chirped, followed by a soft laugh. The position you guys were in wasn't quite the best to see without context. But you couldn't care less, you two were only having a wholesome bestie moment— yet Raihan might be freaking out inside because, oh Arceus, what is he gonna explain to Leon and the Chairman himself? Him blushing just makes it worse and doesn't help him out at all.

His eyes finally dared to look into yours again while a sigh slipped past his lips "You're just teasing me," he exclaimed as his lips curl into his usual relaxed smile; shades of blush still not leaving his face "Again." He added, hands reaching up to pull you back down onto his body, loving the way you fit inside his embrace just perfectly. He's way taller than you, meanwhile you could be accused of 'tiny' compared to him. Thats why he liked hugging you so much, even if you're just teasing him.

He doesn't care if you know his feelings or not, he's just happy that he could hold you like this without any care in the world right after his tiring match. Though he still does have a lot of explaining to do the the Chairman later, and possibly to Leon too.

[bowtied-pasta]

True and Splendor mafia au stuff 🥰

A night off and a pretty dress she had hung outside of her closet days ago catching her eye several times, seeming to call to her to put it on and go out. That’s how she ended up in this bar.

It was an unfamiliar bar, not Ben’s. The alcohol still fairly priced and the atmosphere was still welcoming. As unwise as it may seem to go out on her own, but she was sure nothing would happen to her. Having a don as a friend could get you some cushy comfort you wouldn’t think possible in a place run by gangs and mobsters, but as long as she stuck to the right parts of town, she was safe.

This led her to ordering a drink she knew well. The flavor fruity and the alcohol levels not too dangerous. Sipping on it and thinking over a few things she would need to get done over the next couple days, making idle notes in a small pad of paper she had taken with her in her bag.

Her writing slowed as her brain drifted to far less organized thoughts. Thoughts of her friend that offered her so much comfort in areas like this, even if he wasn’t around. Splendor, or Dots, as she had taken to calling him.

She wasn’t dumb. She knew her own emotions well. She liked him, a lot. It was dumb to hope for the same on his end though. What could she possibly have to offer him? He was a don for one of the most dangerous gangs around, if she was being honest. He was powerful. He could have anybody. So why would he have her?

His dropping by her workplace to get a coffee near everyday were some of her favorite times. He always seemed to know when to stop by, meaning when they were slower or when she had just clocked out for break. He was a great friend. She tells herself that every time he directs that smile at her. Every time she manages to make him laugh. Every time he says something sweet or holds her hand to walk her somewhere.

A very good friend.

She sighed and closed her notebook. Dropping it back in her purse with the pen and placing her head in her hands. She knew note taking was blown now. Her train of thought had been consumed by her friend and she knew she wouldn’t stop thinking about him until... well... ever. Really.

She huffed, lifting her head and picking up her drink. She lifted it to her lips, taking in the room while taking a sip. Her eyes shot open when she spotted a familiar man across the room that was moving towards her, causing her to chug her drink suddenly and choke on the offending liquid before coughing. She slammed her glass down and fumbled for a napkin to wipe her face. Why was Splendor here?

Still lightly coughing when he reach the table, her cheeks were flushed a bright pink and her eyes were watering as she worked to catch her breath. “Splendor, uh... Hi?”

He looked taken aback when she turned to him, sitting next to her in the booth quickly and placing a hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay? You look ready to cry. Did something happen? Was it someone here?”

She watches his eyes glance around the room for anyone that might be the cause of her troubles, but she metaphorically bats away his troubles with a hand as she takes a sip of her drink to try and soothe her throat. “Its nothing like that, I just uh... I choked on my drink a bit. I’m fine now though, thank you.”

He relaxed next to her, his arm around her pulling her into his side. The small hug causing her cheeks to warm a bit more. “I’m glad it’s nothing too bad. What are you doing on this side of town anyway? I mean, its still a safe area, I’m sure you know that.”

“Yeah,” She sighed, leaning back into the plush booth. “I know its safe here, and I kinda wanted something different. I heard this place had good atmosphere, so I decided to take a look.”

She watched him nod along to what she was saying, suddenly curious. “So what are you doing here? I mean, obviously you can pretty much go where you please. But, you know.”

He chuckled, picking up his own drink that she hadn’t seen him bring over. Taking a sip before responding. She found her buzzed focus watching his lips against the glass, shaking herself out of it before he could notice. “I actually heard you were here. Wanted to make sure you were okay. Can’t have my favorite lady getting hurt, can I?”

She was shocked, eyes wide and locked on him as he shot her a wink with a soft smirk. It wasn’t often she saw him smug. It was even less often that something so flirty was said so directly. But it couldn’t have been meant that way. Right?

He sighed as he set his drink down, getting up while patting her hand. “I’m going to get you a knew drink, one for myself as well. I’ll be right back, okay?”

She sat frozen as he moved across the bar. Did he actually just flirt with her? Maybe the alcohol here was stronger than she thought? Maybe she was misunderstanding things? He had never been so direct before. Or maybe it really was just a friendly statement. She was the only girl she knew he talked to on such a level. She had met Finley already, one of his top people, but she wasn’t close to him. Finley wasn’t his friend.

So maybe she really is his favorite lady, if not just because she was very likely the only other woman he knew well enough to say he knew her. She finishes off her drink and nods to herself in reassurance. Thats what it was. She was just misunderstanding.

Even telling herself this, she couldn’t help but watch him walk back toward her. She could feel that stupid smile stretch over her face as he moved. Her alcohol washed mind made everything look hazy, all except him. She wasn’t drunk, but she could only really focus on him. Maybe the alcohol here is stronger than she thought, no... it definitely was.

He slid a drink over to her, the color was pink and she could tell it was fruity, but she had no idea what it was. She knew he wouldn’t give her anything bad though, so she thanked him before taking a sip and telling him he picked well.

He smiled at her, sliding his arm over her shoulder and scooting in closer. She didn’t feel caged in by him, but his behavior was still a bit odd. He usually wasn’t this touchy with her. The most she had gotten out of him in the past was hand holding.

“You know, True.” He started, watching her drink more of her beverage. “You’re very pretty tonight.”

She took a second to process what he said, leaning against him and tilting her head up to look at him. “You think so?”

Her muddled mind focused on his face, watching the soft look he gave her, feeling something playing with her hair. “I do. If I’m being honest though, I think you’re beautiful all the time.”

She awed softly, grabbing at his jacket as she nuzzled into him. The drink he had gotten her having hit her like a brick wall. “Thats so sweet. You know, I think you look good all the time too. And I like your laugh. And I like your sense of humor. I like a lot of things about you.”

She didn’t see him tilt his head and stare at her incredulously. His hand stilled in her hair and he subtly moved her drink away from her before she could drink anymore. “You think so?”

She wiggled until her legs were draped over his, looking up at him and struggling to focus. Damn, that drink really was a hard hitter. He didn’t mean to get her this drunk.

“I do think so. I think you’re an amazing man that deserves a lot of good things. I think your laugh is nice. I think you’re one of the kindest men I know, regardless of your job. I know you would never hurt me. You protect me, even if you think I don’t see it.” She trailed off, mumbling into his chest. Humming as his hand picked back up in her hair and he hummed to himself in thought.

“That’s sweet of you to say, bumblebee. Thank you for your candor.” He gently tugged her hair back until she was looking up at him blearily, her eyes glassy and cheeks a dusty pink. “I’ll have you know I feel very much the same about you.”

Her eyes fluttered and she gasped, shoving away from him gently. Pointing a finger at his chest and poking him. “You like me? Really? Oh god, I’m so sorry. I don’t know why you like me, but I like Splendor. I can’t possibly return your feelings. I’m sorry, but he’s too perfect to give up on quite yet. I know my chances, but he’s so nice and he’s so perfect. We can still be friends though. Just, just don’t tell Splendor okay? Its our little secret. Shhhh. Shhhh...”

He sat there, eyes wide as she stumbled on in her accidental confession. The humor of the situation making him struggle not to laugh as she placed a finger to his lips and shushed him. “Your secret is safe with me, bumblebee. I promise.”

[misscricket]

Your Mouth Makes The Prettiest Noises (When You're Pissing Me Off)

Fandom: Dragon Age

Pairing: Canders (Carver Hawke / Anders)

Rating: R for Smut

Prompt: @dankou ‘You’re Hot When You’re Mad’.

Request: You can request a pairing here for Carver smut prompts.

AO3 Link HERE

Your Mouth Makes The Prettiest Noises (When You're Pissing Me Off)

The doors to the Hanged Man crashed open.

Instantly everyone in the tavern looked up, and took in the sight of the dark haired man standing in the double doorway, arms still outstretched and a grin on his handsome face. Most of the patrons recognised him as Garrett Hawke and looked away again, some rolling their eyes at the man’s drama.

Behind him, another dark haired man followed, sighing as he did.

“Must you do that?”

“Course I do, little brother,” Garrett grinned back at him as they made their way across the common room floor and up the stairs to Varric’s private suite, “Hello darlings!” he caroled as he crossed the threshold, spreading his arms again, “Daddy’s home! And look what the mabari dragged in!”

Carver pulled a horrified face behind his back, and slowly slipped into the room behind him.

“Carver!” Isabela waved at him with a wink, “My, my, the Wardens have done wonders with you.”

Beside her Varric chuckled, but nearby Fenris stood up abruptly, “Good,” he barked, voice sharp with annoyance, and for a moment Carver felt disappointment stab through him. Fenris had never seemed to like him, despite his best efforts. He’d hoped things might change, now that he was coming back as a Warden. But then the elf continued, “You can talk to him .”

There was a world of venom in his voice when he spat that word, and Carver blinked, before stepping further into the room to take in the shape of Anders sitting across the table from the irate elf.

“Oh Maker, do I have to?”

A corner of Fenris’ lips quirked up, “Yes. It is your punishment for making your brother worry about you. Sit.”

Carver elected to ignore the comment about his brother, who was currently tapping his fingers on Merrill’s shoulders, while she grinned up at him, and slowly made his way over to take Fenris’ place across the table.

Anders looked older than the last time he’d seen him, more cares worn into his face, and his golden eyes seemed to have lost some of their brightness. He also looked thinner, and Carver shot a glare at his brother. Surely he must have noticed…

“Let me guess.” he turned back to Anders, and smirked faintly, “You were talking about Mages.”

“Of course we were!” Anders scowled at him, “He can’t see how the situation of the Mages here is akin to slavery.”

Carver rolled his eyes, “Except...it isn’t.”

Anders’ eyes locked onto him, and there was a bit more life in his face, and his eyes.

“Andraste’s arse, are you still so bitter about your brother that you can’t look at the reality of the situation!”

Carver felt the old irritation flare, but instead he leaned back in his seat.

“No, I just think you have a terrible habit of using gross simplification to try and emotionally manipulate people into feeling pity for you.”

Anders’ feathers seemed to bristle with profound rage, and nearby, Carver saw Fenris shoot him a thoughtful look.

“How can you-?” Anders spluttered.

“Easily,” Carver leaned forward, “Look I don’t think the Circle is perfect. And the Templar Order is definitely not. And change does need to happen, you’re right about that much at least. But the fact of the matter is that just chucking the Mages out on their own, or treating them as everyone else is...well its stupid.”

“Your brother…”

“Was trained by my father.” Carver interrupted, firmly, “Who was Circle trained and knew exactly what to expect from young children discovering their magic.”

And they had me, he thought silently, the old anxiety clutching his chest before he pushed it ruthlessly away. He was a Warden now, he was no longer the one tasked with that...burden.

“The Templars could have dragged your father and your siblings to the tower.” Anders insisted, “You never would have seen them again. They might have been made Tranquil.”

“It’s not perfect.” Carver leaned back, “But the Templar order is something that in essence is needed. They are supposed to protect the mages...and protect from them as well. But with everything...it can so easily be corrupted by men with their own ideas. Men will always abuse high ideals to get what they want. But that doesn’t make the ideal wrong.”

Anders spluttered at him, and Isabela whistled softly, “Look who’s all grown up…” She leaned in with a wicked grin, “Who knew debating Mage theology could be so….stimulating.”

Carver shook his head at her, and turned back to Anders, who launched into his counter argument. Which Carver zoned out to after a single second because...sodding hell…

There was something about Anders. He wasn’t conventionally handsome, which was already something that Carver liked. He wasn’t pretty, he wasn’t cute...he was however...rather attractive. Especially with his golden eyes flaring with passion, and his lips slowly reddening from the agitated swipes of his tongue.

Something about him had always gotten under Carver’s skin.

At first it had been irritation at how quick Anders started fawning over his bloody brother. Then it had been rage at his casual references to Bethany...focusing only on the part of her that interested him. Her magic. She had been so much more...and he’d...well he’d reacted poorly.

So there was no love lost between them, but still...

It was unfair how attractive he found him. He liked the glimpses of a man behind his mission of Mage freedom, liked the cheeky humour and the flashing grins.

He was sodding gorgeous, and that always made Carver uncomfortable, because he didn’t have Garrett’s easy charm. He couldn’t say something witty and make it sound dashing. He was clumsy and awkward...and despite his friends in the Wardens helping him with it...he still found himself floundering more often than he could like.

So he’d resigned himself to staying quiet about it.

And he opened his mouth to give Anders a rebuttal.

But what came out of his mouth was,

“You’re kind of gorgeous when you’re mad.”

Anders spluttered to a stop and gaped at him. Fenris choked on his wine and Isabella yelped, tumbling off her chair.

Oh Maker…

Internally he felt the panic rising, and so he quickly stood and scooped up his tankard. “I’d better get another drink.”

“Hey!” Varric yelled after him as he beat a quick retreat out of the door, “That’s mine! Junior! Sodding hells…”

He thunked the tankard onto the counter and sighed softly, before gesturing for another one, “Fill both of them up please…”

“What the hell did you mean by that?”

Carver whipped around and gaped at Anders, who stood behind him, arms folded and a frown on his handsome face, “Anders…”

“What did you mean?” Anders growled, “Did you actually mean it or were you...being cruel?”

“Cruel?” Carver blinked at him in surprise, “Maker’s hairy ballsack why would I be cruel?”

“You...oh...you meant it then?”

Carver gave him a disbelieving look, “Yeah, I meant it...Didn’t mean to say it...but the contents...yeah that I meant.”

Anders’ tongue swiped out over his lips again, “So...I’m gorgeous when I’m mad?”

“You’re gorgeous all the time...well all the time you take care of yourself.” He plucked at the other’s coat, “Like, what the hell is this? You’re all skin and bones, Magey.”

Anders’ batted his hands away with a huff, “I’m not skin and bones,”

“You like hunted.” Carver informed him bluntly, “I know what that looks like now. And I also know how much food a Warden needs to eat in order to stay healthy. You are not eating enough.”

“Maker’s breath you fuss as much as Hawke does. Is that how you lot share affection? Fussing someone to death?”

Carver shot Anders a deadpan look and slowly dragged his eyes up the other man’s body, enjoying the flush that sprung up on his pale cheeks.

“Looks more like our fussing is stopping you from dying…” He shot the other a smug smirk, “Magey.”

“Stop that,” Anders scowled, and folded his arms, “We’re getting off track. You think I’m gorgeous.”

“When you’re mad.” Carver agreed, scooping up the new tankard and gulping down a mouthful before the taste hit him and he nearly gagged, “Holy balls of fire thats…” he caught Norah’s eye and wilted, “...good stuff.”

Anders laughed, and Carver turned back to look at him, “You’ve grown up a lot...but you’re still you. I’m glad to see the Wardens haven’t squashed the good parts of you yet.”

Carver frowned and shook his head, “See I don’t get it. You speak of them...with such bitterness. But when I ask them about you…”

Anders’ face crumpled slightly and for a second a painful vulnerability shone through, “They pity me, or hate me for betraying them.”

Carver stared at him, “You’re kidding right? Fucksakes Anders…”

“What?” the blond man blinked at him, “What?”

“They miss you.” Carver said firmly, and clearly, so the man couldn’t misunderstand a word, “They get this sad look, and they talk about you with such fondness. Cousland said she almost had a mutiny on her hands when you left. The others wanted to go after you, bring you back, make sure you were okay and safe. But she insisted they weren’t the Templar order, she didn’t want you caged. ‘If Anders needs us’” he quoted, “‘We’ll be there. He’ll always have a place with the Wardens.”

Anders’ face did something complicated, “You...really?”

Carver nodded and Anders looked away, and the pair of them lapsed into silence, not looking at each other as Carver drank again, fingering Varric’s tankard.

“I should um…-”

“Come back to the clinic with me.”

Carver blinked owlishly at the other man, “You what?”

Anders scowled but folded his arms, “Come back to the clinic. With me. And get naked.” When Carver simply blinked again, Anders rolled his eyes so hard he was surprised they didn’t pop loose, “With. Me.”

“Oh!” Carver put down his tankard and flushed darkly at the offer and the implication, “Oh...you want to...with me?”

“You are hopeless at this.” Anders informed him, before curling a hand into Carver’s black tunic, yanking him close with a grunt, “Andraste’s ninnyknickers…”

“Ninnyknickers?” Carver snickered, “I think you just like making those up to scandalise people, you and Isabela both.”

Anders’ eyes crinkled in the corners.

“I admit nothing. Now...are you coming with me?”

Carver nodded and pushed his tankard to the side. Anders’ smile brightened even more, and for a moment Carver amused himself with the thought that Anders looked like the cat that had gotten the milk, or bird, he’d wanted.

Together they hurried out of the Hanged Man, neither of them hearing Varric’s outraged splutter as he had to come down to the bar to retrieve his tankard.

~*~

No sooner had they made it back to the clinic than Anders had Carver pressed against the door, golden eyes smouldering.

“This wasn’t how I thought tonight was going to go,” the Mage informed him, and Carver barked a nervous laugh.

“You think this was in my plans Magey?”

Anders’ white teeth flashed in the torchlight and then he leaned in. Carver held his breath in anticipation but just a breath away from his lips, Anders paused.

“Something wrong?” Carver whispered, suddenly struck with insecurity, “I um...if this isn’t what you want…”

“Shut up, Carver,” Anders chuckled softly, and his hand lifted to gently brush along Carver’s jaw, “I was just...thinking.”

“About what?” Carver asked, confused and edging towards insulted.

“How gorgeous you are, here in my clinic, looking at me like that.”

The insulted feeling melted away instantly and Carver, ducked his head in embarrassment.

Unfortunately he did it at the exact moment Anders leaned in to kiss him.

“OW!” Anders yelped and Carver’s head snapped up, having felt the sharp bonk of his forehead against Anders’ nose, and saw the healer pinching the offending appendage, “Bwudy hell, Barva.”

“Sorry, shit….sorry!” Carver quickly snagged the bandage he always carried in his pocket and wadded it gently against Anders’ nose, stemming the bleeding, “Fucksakes….”

Anders burst into nasal laughter and a moment later he batted Carver’s hands away as pale blue magic misted over his nose, fixing it instantly, “You are a disaster.”

“That is what they tell me.” Carver sighed, “I’ll show myself out.”

“Carver…” Anders’ hand gently pushed his shoulder, sending his back thudding softly against the wood of the clinic door once more, “I want this. I don’t know how much clearer I can be that I want this…”

“Still?” Carver licked his lips and groaned softly as Anders’ golden eyes locked onto that movement hungrily, “Oh, okay...yeah...still…”

The blond leaned in, fingers slowly undoing the laces on Carver’s breeches.

“Also...clarification,” Anders murmured, lips a breath away from his once more, “I enjoy a quick tumble...but this...oh I’m going to savour you.”

Carver groaned, and next moment he was kissing Anders.

His hands lifted to gently cradle the Mage’s head, thumbs lightly caressing his jaw as he tilted the other’s chin up, deepening the kiss.

Inexperienced he was, but kissing...oh he’d done a bit of kissing. One of his warden associates had even called them toe-curling. And Anders definitely seemed to approve, because he moaned into Carver’s mouth, and leaned into him, warm and wanting.

“You’re full of surprises, Warden Hawke.” Anders purred against his lips as the kiss broke, and Carver groaned, kissing his way down the other’s neck, wrestling with the coat and tunic underneath, “Pity you’re such a little shit...that mouth of yours is magic otherwise.”

Carver laughed against his neck and bit sharply, enjoying the yelp it elicited, “Like you can talk Anders.”

“True...we should form a...club.” there was a note of wistfulness in his voice, a longing deeper than what they were doing, and Carver pulled back slightly to look at his face.

Anders looked a little unsettled, unsure, and so Carver gently brushed his cheek with the back of his hand, and then sank to his knees, “Want me to use my bratty mouth in a more useful way, Magey?”

Instantly, hunger ignited in Anders’ golden eyes once more, and his long, deft, elfroot stained hands, gently carded through Carver’s black hair.

“Maker, yes.”

Carver grinned, and undid Anders’ breeches, considerably less deftly than the Mage had done with his, and tugged the mage free of his small clothes, enjoying the sound that the action drew from the man above him.

He’d done this before, twice, and had enjoyed it, but there was something about this time, something about Anders, that made Carver extra determined to make him go weak at the knees.

So he leaned in and slowly ran his lips along him, feathering his tongue against the warm, soft skin, while he also grasped the mage with his other hand. Anders wasn’t the largest man he’d been with, but he was quite long, and Carver’s hand wrapped around him in a way that was profoundly satisfying.

Apparently it was also satisfying to the blond man above him, as the action earned a truly wanton sound. It made Carver grin against him, and then take Anders deep into his mouth, fingers peeling away as he bobbed, smirking at the noises the actions elicited.

“Carver…”

He’d never get tired of hearing his name on Anders’ lips, especially with that little hitch of breath, the catch of pleasure in his voice.

Carver turned all his considerable focus onto Anders, determined to make the man melt, and it didn’t take long, by Warden standards anyway, for Anders to begin shivering against him, those long elegant fingers tugging at his hair.

“Carver...Maker...I’m…please…”

Carver smirked, thrilled to having reduced the mouthy mage to a few spluttered, moaned words, and sucked sharply.

Instantly Anders’ knees gave way, and Carver held him up, with his strong arms wrapped snugly around his thighs.

“Carver!” Anders’ voice was a wail of pleasure, and the young Grey Warden smiled as he felt the mage reach the edge and tumble over it. Carefully he swallowed around him, until Anders’ noises became discomforted ones, too sensitive for him to continue his ministrations. Gently he lifted the mage and staggered them over to Anders’ private room, small and dark and windowless and musty. But it had a bed, and that was what he tumbled them onto, in a great sprawl of limbs.

Instantly Anders wrapped himself around Carver, nosing at his neck sleepily, “You haven’t...I need to.”

Carver looked down at the mage, and saw the exhaustion in every line of his body, the way his eyelids could barely even crack open, and how utterly boneless he was. Although he was hard as a rock, he smiled, and gently carded his fingers through Anders’ fine blond hair.

“That’s okay Magey, you get some sleep.”

“S’bad sex manners.” Anders mumbled, already halfway to the Fade.

Carver chuckled and kissed his lips softly, “I’m sure we’ll do this again. You can make it up to me then.”

“Stay…” Anders breathed, before he drifted off into sleep, a smile on his lips.

Leaving Carver, aching, but with a deep, warm feeling of satisfaction simmering in his chest.

“I’ll stay.” he whispered, wrapping his arms around Anders’ feeling the too thin knobbles of his spine, “Someone has to look after you Magey.”

And he determinedly did not think about the packet of orders waiting for him in his room back at the manor. He could take a week or two here in Kirkwall surely…

...after that…

Well…

Who knew.

[weeniewrites]

Lost Connections

Zombie Kenma x g/n reader part 2 

part 1

1.8k words

tw: animal death (kenma eats a rat), descriptions of a panic attack, gore, general unsanitary things

____________________________________

There’s so many things to ask him. How’d you get here? How’d you get hurt? Where’s Kuroo? But 

1. How would you even make that a yes or no question? and

2. Isn’t that rude? 

For now you’ll swallow the temptation, the ever present temptation, and pretend that those thoughts don’t exist. Continuing your antisocial rat shut in of a life with the addition of a much rattier appearing friend. Speaking of,

“Kenma, do you wanna clean up? There’s a river near here and it might feel better?”

His head lifts his from his staring contest with the floor, looking blankly at you.

“Right, too much at once. It’s hard to limit what you say when you’re not used to talking you know?” A head tilt

“Yeah I suppose I’m preaching to the choir. You can’t really talk anymore can you Kenma?” Unresponsive

....

Geez. Sometimes he really does feel like a corpse, he is one but, there’s those moments he’s more expressive. It feels like he’s actually understanding you. Right now you might as well be talking to the wall.

“You still there Kenma? Didn’t decide to actually kick the bucket this time?”

A nod

“Okay that settles it. We’re going out.” There’s no point in keeping him here, tied up like some animal if he gets nothing out of it, not because you haven’t cleaned up this space in a while and his general stench isn’t helping, but because he’s just, not moving as much and the silence without him shifting around is unsettling. How you’ve gotten so used to having another  occupant in your space so quickly is beyond you.

But how to go about this. There haven’t been any mishaps besides that initial misunderstanding with the shushing, and his discomfort with wearing a gag (assuming that's what that was?), how could you travel with him and stay safe despite his slower pace... hmm...

“Actually, wait here. I’ll be out for a bit, gotta check something.”

You grab your pack of essentials, paranoidly checking that the handle of your bat hasn’t started cracking or something since the last time you used it and wave him goodbye, leaving him alone for the first time.

GOD you reek! It made sense why you couldn’t clean off last time. Somehow you haven’t turned into a human zit despite the crusted blood from the last zombies you downed. You certainly don’t smell like you’re ready to entertain company, not that Kenma cares.

You’d fallen out of the habit of patrolling, realizing how fruitless it was when as a single person you could just hide, not needing constant supply runs like your previous group. But if you were going to take Kenma out you needed to make sure no undead would get in the way. Could another zombie make him more aggressive, like those ones in the hoards? Maybe they instinctively group up for strength. How does a virus give a corpse instincts anyway? You shake your head to get those unanswerable questions out of your head for the second time today.

    The towns dead silent, absolutely nothing creeping out on your usual path. The new found knowledge that they can indeed smell has planted a new worry that you’ll somehow draw them out just by existing. Your footsteps are quiet from ages of practice and the chatter of birds easily drowns you out. Your only company is the usual animals and the corpses you’ve already dispatched, decaying at an increased rate now that they’re finally gone for good. You... really need new pants. Kenma needs new clothes too with how torn up and gore covered his own are. You shiver. It’s hard to avoid thinking of how painful whatever happened to him must’ve been, whether in life or death.

    So new clothes. The houses along the street are fairly intact, only general wear from the elements affecting them. None of them look boarded up but that doesn’t mean someone couldn’t be inside. You can handle a couple undead, a living person would be a whole ‘nother ordeal. But it’s not exactly hard to pants a zombie. A squishy squishy ooze of a previous person covered in a buzzing layer of insects. You’ve got this. Risking an encounter alive or dead by breaking into  a house isn’t worth it. So just, pants. the zombie.

Considering you crushed the head, its bottoms are fairly clean. Please don't be commando, pleaaaase don’t be commando please- you squeeze your eyes shut, grab the ends of the pants legs and pull, removing it in one surprisingly smooth go. YES, it's wearing underwear! Nothing to see besides, oh god it shit itself, god thats, ew ew ew ew ew WHY DID YOU THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA! Into the plastic bag it goes. Hightailing it to the river is sounding more appealing by the second

Stepping carefully around the edge to find a shallow slow moving area is easy enough, though the rocks crunching underfoot make you cringe. Kneeling at the side, you rinse your hands off before you even dare touch your bag to grab the soap. Geez it's a relief to start to feel clean. Have you been neglecting that? First the space you sleep, now your body, avoiding going out out of fear of the few undead you ever see. File that away for later, focus on the now. Around the nail beds, under the nails, stripping off a shirt, get the pits, dunk your hair in, carefully scrubbing where the crusted blood’s basically sealed to your skin. Pants, underwear, socks, walk in fully and try to focus. Can’t get lost in your thoughts with an overwhelming full body chill forcing you to stay in the here and now, fully aware of your body and where you are. A slower moving part of a river, in a nice forested area, in the middle of the day. Surrounded by birds' songs and squirrels running around you. Bugs skip along the water's surface and twigs and leaves rush past you in the faster paced sections.

After a few minutes spent standing there, steadily getting colder, you move on to washing everything you wore there as well as what you took from the zombie. The pants look like they’ll fit Kenma? The waist is a drawstring one at least. It's calm repetitive work. There’s satisfaction in allowing yourself to be outside, clean and present.

________________________________

    Your clothes are still wet as you make your way back but they’ll probably dry before you get home... probably. It’s been too long since you’ve seen Kenma and you’re getting antsy, both from nerves and curiosity if he’ll even be willing to change into new pants. At least you’d have a spare now.

    Creaking the door open, you’re about to announce your presence but pause at the sound of rapid shuffling and creaking metal. It’s so dark compared to outside that even with squinting it's hard to fully make out what's going on inside but his limbs are scrabbling, flailing in their attempts to pull him across the floor. The rope around his neck and chest is more taught than you ever hoped to see it. The pipe he’s tied to creaks under a surprising amount of strain. Throwing caution to the wind you rush in, able to more clearly make out the growling and huffing he makes in his efforts to, scratch that, success in catching a rat that was scurrying past him. His hand latches into the poor thing, nails biting into the flesh. Before you can even react it’s between his teeth, tearing in as it squeals, flails, attempts to scratch back as its last twitches of life leave. He’s ravenous, the one pupil blown out as gore coats his face from his small feast. And then, once every ounce of gamey meat is gone, he stills, not reacting to the blood dripping off his face and fingers or to you.

    Slow breathing. Slow steady breathing. You need to stay calm. Need to either run out of here or close the door before the smell of blood attracts something else. Slow breathing, steady breathing so he won’t hear. Stay. Absolutely. Calm. One step back. Two steps back. Three-

Kenma’s returned to staring at the floor, fingers tracing patterns in the places he’d scratched before.

Four? Your heart is pounding but this behavior, it's predictable, a little different, much different with the scent of blood in the air but its, he attacked a rat. He didn’t attack you but he could but he didn’t but he hasn't, not even while you’re asleep he hasn’t. He hasn’t tried to hurt you once just BREATH.

You don’t notice him staring at you as you slide to the floor and shudder and cry.

______________________________________

The sun has started setting by the time your panic attack reaches its end, the floor wet under your ass from your clothing. Shivering from the aftershocks of adrenaline as well as the cold you stumble up to slide the door closed. The air is crisp and almost fresh inside now. Too tired to berate yourself, you cross the room to your blanket pile across from Kenma, grab two, and pull it without the motivation to pick it up, instead letting it drag behind you.

    “Kenma” you croak “I’m about to do something really stupid, so don’t, don’t break my trust okay. You don’t want to hurt me?” He nods, no hesitation. “Then hold still.”

    The blankets are dropped a few feet away from him and you kneel at his side for the first time since tending to his wrist. Palms open, approaching slowly, your arms enter his reach to undo the first knot. The rope slides away from him easily and you shimmy if off just enough to dump it on the floor beside him.

    “I don’t know if you get cold I don’t, I don’t care just, here.” You present a blanket to him and want to cry all over again when he doesn’t react. Why would he. What part of him even remembers what it's for. Idiot. He twitches as you start to wrap it around him but otherwise obeys your request. Still. He’s staying still.

    His head tilts as you wrap yourself in a blanket too, plopping ungracefully to the floor next to his good side. Energy finally running out with no dinner to speak of, you lean on his shoulder and enter a restless sleep.

______________________

    It’s always hard to get motivated to get up. Nothing to look forward to. No change, just the dull monotony of survival, fear, and paranoia. Why get up. Why wake up at all? There’s a crick in your neck and you grumble at the pain as you shimmy a little closer to whatever your head is resting on, readjusting to be more comfortable. In your barely conscious state you can’t catch the way Kenma’s eyes move from the door to you, before continuing his stare down with the one entrance inside.

You fall back asleep easily, morning can wait until later.

_______________

Taglist: @beanst0ck (hi!!!)

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Steve//Something Familiar (part 2)

part 1

And he couldn’t help but smile softly, when he realised it was something familiar. 

Then the realization of the moment kicked in. 

“Shit. Shit. Shit.” Steve mumbles to himself while he frantically looks around the busy cafe. Why is there no where to hide? Why are you here? Why is he here? What is he going to do? His eyes are wide with panic and he’s sure he looks insane to anyone thats watching him but he can’t do this. Not now. Not with you. “Shit.” He says a little louder that intended and the middle-aged woman in front of him in the queue stares down her nose at him. He smiles awkwardly before going back to cursing to himself and looking around. And then its too late...

“Steve?” He remembers when you saying his name would cause butterflies to erupt in his stomach, now it just fills his entire body with dread. His blood runs cold at the mention of his name. You used to say it with so much adoration, and he took that for granted. And now he’s alone, thinking of a life he could of had while you’re living the life you should be sharing with him. “What are you doing here?” You ask, your fingers just grazing over his shoulder and he sighs in defeat, turning around and forcing a very small...very awkward smile on his lips. 

“Hi-ey.” He stutters and waves nervously despite the fact your less that three meters away from him. Your coffee cup and friend abandoned at the table you were previously sitting at. And somehow, it feels both your friend and the coffee cup is judging him. But he may just be paranoid. 

“I’m er-I’m visiting Robin and Olivia.” He says as casually as he can. But the shake in his voice gives him away and he sighs to himself. Maybe it was a good thing he broke up with you, then at least you wouldn’t have to deal with the pathetic person he’s become. But then again, if he’d stayed with you, would he be this pathetic person? 

“You’re visiting Robin and Olivia?” You repeat, confusion written across your face as you stare at him. There’s a hint of sadness in your eyes, behind all the confusion, but there’s something else, something he can’t quite figure out. 

At one point he knew what you were feeling with just one look. He knew what you were thinking by just one of your mannerisms, and now its like he’s looking at a stranger. But then again, you felt exactly the same all those years ago. 

“Yeah.” He nods and pushes his hair back. That habit used to make you smile, now it makes you want to cry. “More importantly what are you doing here?” 

“I’m visiting Robin and Olivia.” You reply and his eyes widen. 

“What!?!” 

“I’ve...” You trail off as you try and figure out the right way to word your sentence. You do not need Steve Harrington to know your personal business. That chapter of your life was over. “Recently gotten some free time so they invited me out to see their new place.” 

“Oh.” He says. What does he say to that? “I’ve been having some trouble with my dad so they said I could come hang out with them. Take the pressure of for a little bit.” He scratches the back of his neck awkwardly and you scoff. 

“You haven’t changed Harrington.” You laugh bitterly. “Why would Robin do this to me?” You ask, your words stinging Steve. He can’t bare to think that seeing him would hurt you so much. But now that he thinks about it. Why would Robin do this? She wouldn’t have forgotten either one of you visiting. And neither would Olivia, Olivia makes lists and writes things on the calendar, visits would be written out, mapped out even. And then it hits him. 

“Because its Robin.” He says and you stare at him. 

“I’m going to kill her.” You seethe, your fist clenching. 

“Oh dear.” Steve mutters. “But same.” He agrees. This is supposed to de-stress him, not do the opposite. Steve watches you walk back to your friend, muttering a quick apology and goodbye before you’re storming out the cafe, him hot on your heels as he jogs to catch up with you. You groan audibly as you start the short walk back to Robin’s apartment. When you walked to this cafe this morning you were excited about spending the week with your friends. What was supposed to be a quick coffee run ended with you chatting to a friend you’d met while in Cali, meaning you’d been there for about half an hour before Steve had walked in. Oh god. Steve was still with you. Walking a few feet behind you, his hands shoved in his pockets and his head down. Looking quite literally like a shadow of your former life. A shadow of someone you used to love. 

In the five years since you’d last seen him he hasn’t changed much. His hair is still the same, full of volume and as amazing as always, his brown eyes still sparkle, but they look duller than they did when he was 19. His lips are thinner, but maybe thats just because he’s frowning. You were used to seeing him smile, even on the day you broke up he smiled. But maybe it was fake, the rest of your relationship was, so why not that too. 

He looks more tired than he did, but I suppose thats what working with Mr Harrington does to you. You’d done work experience in his office for a week and it was the worst week of your life. And you’ve had a lot of shit weeks. 

“Steve. Walk next to me, you look like some kind of stalker.” You say annoyed and he shuffles next to you, his hands still in his pockets and his shoulders are even more slumped that before. 

“Soooooo.” He starts making you roll your eyes. “How have you been?” 

“Alright.” You shrug. “You?” 

“Yeah.” He nods. “Surviving.” 

“Okay.” You reply, continuing to stare straight ahead. 

“Ho-” 

“Steve?” You interrupt. 

“Yep?” 

“Please stop.” 

“Yep.” He agrees, nodding his head slowly before looking around. The two of you stop outside Robin’s apartment complex and you take a deep breath to try and calm down. Maybe there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for this. Maybe its all a misunderstanding. Maybe, just maybe, you don’t have to lose more people you love. 

“Okay.” You say to yourself. “Don’t kill her.” You mumble as you open the door and start walking up the stairs. Steve can’t help the smile that makes its way onto his face as he listens to you talk to yourself. You haven’t changed. You look older, buts its nice. You’ve matured, grown into your looks. Not that you’ve never been beautiful to him, and he can’t quite believe he let you go. He wonders if your happy in Cali, with your new boyfriend, your new dog and your dream job. Surely you are. Anybody would be and there’s nobody that deserves that more than you. But if you’re happy there, why are you here?

You knocking on the front door distracts him from his thoughts and he has to take a few seconds to look around because if he’s being completely honest, he can’t remember how he got here. 

“Its open!” Olivia shouts from inside and you hear the two of them giggling before you swing the door open. Olivia is sat on the kitchen counter while Robin is stood in front of her, holding her hand as she does some stupid dance and for a second the two of you forget, to busy being transported back to a time when you were that happy with each others company. Before love got in the way. Your love for him...and his love for someone he hadn’t even met yet. You just knew it wasn’t you. 

“Okay!” You snap out of your gaze. “What the hell?” You ask angrily and their heads snap towards the front door, eyes widening as they realize that its not just you standing there. 

“Y/n! Steve! I didn’t think you’d run into each other so soon.” Robin spins around fully and starts to make her way towards the two of you. Olivia jumps down from the counter, staring at her girlfriend wide-eyed. They didn’t plan for this. 

“Yeah well. San Francisco is apparently a small place.” You cross your arms. “So care to explain?” You ask, your eyes narrowing. 

“Okay.” Robin starts. 

“We thought we’d have a little more time before you ran into each other.” Olivia jumps in and Robin lets out an audible breath, he brown hair falling into her face as she looks at the floor. “But well, Y/n you’ve recently become single an-” 

“Wait, you’re single now?” Steve interrupts and you look at him in disbelief. 

“Yes. Not that its any of your business.” You snap. 

“And, we just thought it would be a good opportunity for you to get back in touch with each other.” Robin finished her girlfriends point, the two of them nodding as they look between you and Steve. 

“No.” You shake your head. “A good idea would be to do anything but this.” 

“You guys ended on bad terms but it was so long ago. You’re different people now. Steve has matured so much since then. He works with his dad now!” Olivia says cheerily. 

“Yeah, thats not a good thing.” Robin whispers in her ear. 

“Oh.” She sighs and sends a sympathetic look to Steve. “Thats not the point anyway. Listen we just wanted you guys to see each other again. We thought it might help.” 

“So let me get this straight.” You start. 

“We’re no-” Robin begins to talk but your pointing a finger at her before she can barely make out the second word, your glare instantly quieting her. 

“Don’t you even dare finish that sentence Buckley!” 

“Yeah, not the right time.” She nods quickly. 

“So, let me get this straight. I get my heart broken and to cheer me up, you decide to create a fake chance encounter with the first boy to break my heart?” You ask, tears pooling in your eyes as you look between the two of them. Guilty looks takes over their faces as they look at you sadly. 

“Yeah, We didn’t really think that through properly.” Olivia sighs. 

“No. You just didn’t think!” You reply. “Okay.” You run a hand over your face. “I’m going home...this is too much.” 

“No, no.” Steve says quickly. “I’ll go. You stay and enjoy time with your friends.” 

“No!” Robin shouts and all three of you stare at her wide-eyed. 

“Excuse me?” 

“Robin, you know what our landlady has said about loud noises.” Olivia mumbles and you and Steve scrunch your faces. 

“Gross.” You say together, both of you freezing as soon as you’ve said it and Robin sends a knowing smile to Olivia. 

“Listen. We invited you both out here because you need it. You need a break from your normal life and I think you both need to see each other. Just to get everything out the way. Your breakup was messy guys.” Robin says calmly. 

“I was there.” You mumble making Olivia glare at you. 

“I think you should at least talk about it. And then you can do whatever you want. You can go home if you want. Or you can stay. Its completely up to you. Just talk to each other. We think it’ll be good for you. Both of you.” She finishes and looks between the two of you. “Me and Olive have to go get groceries, it’ll give you guys an hour to talk to each other and then when we get back you can do whatever you want. I promise. But just give each other an hour. For me?” She pouts and you huff loudly. 

“Fine.” You agree. “An hour is all your getting and then I’m on the first flight back to California.” 

“Agreed.” She says, a small smile on her lips. 

“Steve?” Olivia asks. 

“Yeah.” He nods. “Whatever.” 

“Great!” The both say happily. 

“We’ll just be leaving then.” Olivia says as they put their shoes on. You move further into the apartment, sinking onto the sofa while Steve stays put by the front door. 

“I can’t do this.” He mumbles. “How am I supposed to talk to her. I made her move to Cali. Thats where Hargrove is from. Oh, god, he went back there. What if Hargrove is her new, ex boyfriend?” He starts spiraling and Robin sighs, sick of her overdramatic friend. 

“Steve.” She places her hands on his shoulders and he looks at her. “She’s not screwing Hargrove. And she never has. You got this. Just be you.” 

“But she doesn’t like me.” 

“No, she loves you. She did back then and somewhere, deep down, for some unknown reason, she still does. So go in there and get back the only girl stupid enough to put up with you.” She says sternly and he nods in reply. Taking a few deep breaths and shaking his hands out. 

“I got this.” He mumbles to himself as he walks into the living room. As soon as he see’s you sitting on the sofa reading a magazine, everything he has been wanting to say for the past 5 years leaves his memory. The front door slamming makes him jump and you turn to look at him, your eyebrow raised as you wait for him to start. 

“Well?” 

“Right. Yes.” He says quickly and sits beside you. “Y/n.” He grabs your hand and you reluctantly let him hold it. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Cut the bullshit Harrington. I know you had something to do with this.” You narrow your eyes at him but he seems unfazed by your stare, he’s too busy hung up on that word. The word that still makes him flinch every time he hears it. “Shit.” You mumble. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that.” You apologize and squeeze his hand. 

“Why are you still so nice to me?” The question takes you back. 

“What?” You laugh awkwardly. 

“I broke your heart five years ago. I did the same thing Nancy did to me, but you’re still nice to me. You apologized for saying some stupid word that a girl said to me more than seven years ago. I don’t deserve that.” 

“Everyone deserves a little bit of nice in their life. I mean, unless they’re really evil.” You laugh a little at the end making him smile. “How have you been Steve. Really?” 

“Oh, you know.” He shrugs. “I still live in Hawkins. I work for my dad.” He shrugs. “But I do have my own big house to feel lonely in instead of living in theirs so you know, I’m living the dream.” He says, trying to lighten the tone of his words, but its no use, there’s no hiding that sadness. 

“Did you find her?” You ask, scared to hear the answer. You don’t which would be worse. 

“Who?” He asks confused, the same dopey look on his face and you can’t help but laugh. 

“You know who Harrington.” You roll your eyes and you see him slowly realize who you’re on about. 

“Oh, yeah. Er, no. I lost her actually.” He shakes his head and you frown. 

“I’m sorry to hear that.” 

“No. Not like that.” He corrects himself. “I’m so bad at this. I meant you. I lost you. You were her. I was just an idiot who was still so caught up in himself basically.” He replies, and forces himself to look at you. Your eyes are wide, your lips parted as you try and figure out what to say. “Enough about me. How have you been?” 

“Stev-” You start softly but he shakes his head. 

“Please.” He says quietly. 

“Well, I err. I moved to Cali. Funny story, Billy ended up being my neighbour for a while.” 

“That sucks.” He laughs a little and you join in. 

“Yeah, he isn’t that bad anymore. He’s grown up a lot.” 

“Wow. I didn’t think that was possible.”

“I know.” You agree. “I got my dream job, which is actually where I met Joshua. And we dated, moved in together, got a puppy and then he broke up with me.” 

“I’m sorry.” He mumbles. 

“Its okay.” You shrug. “I wasn’t the one.” You repeat the words Joshua had used and Steve looks at you surprised. 

“Ouch.” 

“Yep. The only two people I’ve been in a relationship and I wasn’t the one for both of them.” You laugh, but there’s no humour behind it. Only anger and sadness and it kills Steve to know he did that. “And now I found out that all that heartbreak could have been saved if my first boyfriend wasn’t an idiot.” 

“Yeahhhhh.” He agrees. “I am an idiot.” 

“But you were my idiot.” You smile at him. 

“Y/n?” He asks. 

“How would you feel about starting again?” 

“Wha-at?” You stutter. “You want to give this another go?” 

“Yes.” He nods. “Listen, I was an actual idiot back then. But I’m different now. I know what I want and I want you. I knew I wanted you as soon as I let you go and I’ve been kicking myself every day since then. Please, just give me another chance.” 

“Steve. I dunno.” You shake your head. “We’re both different people. We practically live on different sides of the country.” 

“I’ll move.” He says quickly. 

“What!? You can’t move. You have a life in Indiana. A job. What about your dad?” 

“I have a life but I’m not living. Not without you. Its hell in Indiana, and I need an excuse to leave. I’ll move to Cali with you, and we can start a new life together, like it should have been.” 

“I think.” You start, looking him in the eye. “If we’re going to start again we should go slow. We have a lot to learn about each other. A lot of trust to build back up.” 

“Whatever you want.” He agrees and you smile shyly at him, a blush creeping its way up your cheeks. “Can I kiss you?” He asks and you nod quickly. His hand cups your cheek as he leans in slowly, your breathing picks up as you close that gap and its like you’re 17 again, making out in your room. 

-----

“...wow.” You mumble, your breathing ragged as you lie next to him on the small couch, you’re still practically on top of him but you don’t care, you’re happy and your safe.  

“Wow indeed.” He agrees and stares at the ceiling. His arms snake around your waist while your head rests on his shoulder, your finger drawing gentle shapes as you listen to his heartbeat. “What happened to taking it slow?” He looks down at you, pressing a soft kiss to your head. 

“Fuck slow. Who has the time?” You shrug. 

“So Cali?” He asks. 

“Yeah.” You agree. “What the hell.” 

“Great! I’m moving to California.” He says excitedly. “Do I need to get a new wardrobe?” 

“Nah, you’ll be fine.” You reply. “Steve?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Do you love me?” You ask, your heartbeat picking up as you wait for his answer. Luckily you don’t have to wait for long though. 

“More than you’ll ever know.”  

[foxymuses]

on the topic of rk900 && his ‘deviancy’

the way that i write rk900 to be is very specific, and it includes a lot, which i will? try to explain? as best i can? please feel free to ask clarifying questions though like i have so much to say about this and im sure i’ll miss something. anyway imma shove this under a cut because i KNOW im about to just fucking go.

so i wanna make it very clear from the get go that 900 is not deviant in the typical fashion. he does not believe that he is a free being with actual emotions and rights to live. there is never a moment where he stops and goes ‘oh shit’ and breaks through that red tape. he never has an ‘i may be deviant’ breakdown. he is not deviant.

however, he is not not-deviant. 

what i mean by this is kind of complicated. let me start with some background into my personal interpretation of the rk900 series in general. they are a series designed for warfare -- the majority of them have been shipped overseas with soldiers to act as a variety of things: weapons, infiltration, an inhuman line of defense to protect the human soldiers --- like. they were specifically designed to be killers, to be dangerous, to be pretty damn hard to stop. they are essentially top of the line terminators -- are they entirely legal? ehhhhhh. but they let the government get away with things that might either kill their human soldiers or are of questionable ethic that they can just.... decommission the android afterwards. that’s their main function, the main reason they exist. 

this is crucial, and i will explain more on it in a moment, but for the rest of this meta i’m going to be using rk900 to talk of the general model series, and 900 to speak specifically to mine (and, in a lesser way, the fandom one in general, though this should go without saying i don’t intend to infringe upon other personal headcanons of rk900 writers)

connor was the rk ‘law enforcement’ prototype, but he also functioned mainly as a playing piece in an android revolution that, let’s face it, cyberlife saw coming a mile away. cyberlife wanted a say. they wanted to have a semblance of control over how to twist the uprising in a way that benefit them. given 900 comes about in a world where the revolution was quelled, cyberlife basically achieved their goal (i’ll touch upon my meta of my machine connor and this in another post). 

the reason this is important is because 900 was implanted with the majority of observations and experiences that connor had. things he learned about humanity, how to mimic it, how to manipulate it, how to use it. things like the events of the revolution in the order they happened, what it was like to be a detective with the dpd, literally like. all the things that connor went through or observed or scanned or downloaded or learned -- these were uploaded into 900.

now, his memories weren’t necessarily input into 900 -- that is, 900 doesn’t have any first hand accounts of most things (from petting sumo all the way to connor ending the revolution). so even if he has an understanding of what being on a case is like, he doesn’t have connor’s exact memories of doing it. it’s more like all of these things have been converted into data for him to retrieve -- it’s been shifted into facts, statements, articles, serving more as.... general history knowledge? like that stuff everyone just knows for some reason? 

but it’s more in depth than that because, yknow, they intended for 900 to be top of the line (yes, 900, not rk900). so all this information from connor was used to boost the insanely vast amounts of knowledge that they input into 900 to begin with -- it was used as contextual information, filler information, you get me? because the main thing that differed between connor and 900 is that 900 was given all the knowledge he needed before he was released, where as connor was expected to observe and adapt. cyberlife took connor’s methods of observing and interacting and adapting to humanity and refined it so that 900 already had that information.

so when 900 was officially done, he had basically anything he might need to know in his software already. he didn’t need to learn anything. 

so let me backtrack a little bit into why i say 900 gets these things and not all the rk900s. 

like i said before, the rk900s were built for warfare. 900 was not. i mean, yes, his model and abilities are all the same, he is still an rk900 model. but he was not built to go to war. the 900 that connor meets in the zen garden is the same 900 i write. that particular rk900 model, 900, was specifically designed to replace connor. the others were mass produced for their purpose as war based androids. but 900 was made to work for the DPD, to sort of take connor’s place, in part because it gives them access to local law, but also because they want to monitor the place where connor was assigned. 

so because of this 900 does not have a purpose. 

he was not developed with any specific goal or mission or duty aside from ‘work with the dpd’, so he doesn’t have the same goal set that the rk900 models are programmed with. cyberlife essentially input all this data into 900, and then didn’t tell him what to do with it aside from ‘just go to this location’ which means that 900 had to figure it out for himself.

this is where cyberlife fucked up big time.

the other rk900 models are designed to be perfect soldiers -- deviancy was basically coded out of them based on connor’s experience (whether or not he went deviant, it was in his code). thats not to say that they can never go deviant, its just to say it would be really fucking hard to make them do that. 

since 900 has none of that, he is inherently different from the rk900 model. when you make an android without a purpose, you have basically created a deviant android from the get go. 900 is more or less his own model, in which there is only one 900, and by default, he works for the Detroit Police Department.

now, generally, this means he’s paired with gavin (gotta live up to that delicious ship, honestly) so a lot of my following nonsense is stemmed from that but the point is that, he gets to decide what his goal is whenever he wants, so it can change, and it does change, and the choice is entirely his own. by all intents and purposes, cyberlife inadvertently created an android with honest to god free will.

so where does this leave us with deviancy? because i can hear ya’ll but fox, you said he wasn’t deviant and now you’re saying he is which is it?

here’s what makes 900, well, 900. as part of the fact that he is so incredibly self-aware, he knows he’s a machine. he accepts he’s a machine. there isn’t any like -- ‘i’m a machine’ with a touch of sadness or regret. he doesn’t wish to be human -- he has no desire to feel or experience human things, or do whatever deviant androids wanted. he doesn’t care about that. it doesn’t interest him in the slightest. and this isn’t because he doesn’t know about feelings or that “how could he know if he doesn’t want them if he hasn’t experienced them” because it’s not like that. 900 has an incredible sense of what things are, what they’d be like -- he got all of this from connor, remember. so 900 isn’t inherently interested in being anything other than a machine, and he holds no misunderstandings about what being a machine entails either.

does that make sense? hold on let me try it this way. because cyberlife tried so hard to make sure that 900′s software had everything, they created an incredibly self-aware android that doesn’t seek humanity because of how well they understand life. 900 doesn’t like or dislike being an android -- he just is. he recognizes that. wanting to be something else doesn’t... compute because it just doesn’t make sense. like why would he want to be human when he’s not? when he can be better and do more? like i can’t even say he’s happy about it because he doesn’t (at first) associate chemical reactions in his system with being emotions because they aren’t. it’s all synthetic.

he is perhaps the most alive an android can get without being alive, honestly.

900 decides that, upon being assigned to work with gavin, that gavin is technically his mission now. as a partner to a detective, but as a partner that is stronger, faster, and can withstand immense damage, he essentially positions himself as a bodyguard for the human. the problem here is that, due to his awareness, his approach to this is.... unorthodox.

900 will let gavin throw a punch at someone who can and will definitely hit back, but he’ll stop gavin from walking into an ambush. he might get gavin a coffee one day without being asked, but then throw the coffee at him the next day when gavin demands one. he has a habit of making sly comments and is known to push buttons and see what he can get away with, testing limits and constantly pressing against the boundaries of what he can do before someone snaps, and then sees if he can go just a little farther. 

900 is very much his own person. he belongs to neither cyberlife nor DPD. he does what he wants when he wants it and how he wants it, and he can, at times, appear very human (albeit one that is obnoxious and at times infuriating). however 900 never lets it be forgotten that he is a machine. he can crush every bone in your body one by one while you’re helpless to it. he can have expressions that are near-humanlike : amused, angry, exasperated. but he will go from lightly smiling to fucking cold eyes and danger just radiating off of him to the point people will actually feel the room lower a few degrees

900 knows he’s a machine. if you even for a moment forget, he will remind you. he has unethically tortured suspects for information, they purposely don’t give 900 a gun at the start because he would get bored and simply shoot whoever they’re investigating and apologize later. he has no qualms about killing, about breaking laws or faces, about doing things the way that he feels like doing them, with or without anyone approving. and if anyone thinks they can stop him, they’re just. good fucking luck.

but the reason he doesn’t do any of this is because he is self-aware enough to know there’s no fucking point to it. his mission is, as he decides, “protect gavin reed” and he will do what it takes for that, which may include punching a suspect or stealing evidence or something, he doesn’t care, but if it serves no true purpose in what 900 is doing, then he consciously decides he’s not going to just.. do it. but the thing is that at any moment he could decide to change his mind. and that’s what makes him so terrifying. he is literally unpredictable.

i ... okay i think that’s what i wanted to say? just as like some added notes, but with gavin, 900 does become.... hmm... softer? he doesn’t soften but he basically claims gavin as his own, like he is assigned to be gavin’s partner but it becomes literally almost a possessive thing. 900 makes gavin his mission, and if anyone gets in the way, they’re fucked. but by attaching himself to a human, he opens himself up to the softer side of being human, so 900 never truly ‘becomes deviant’ because there is never, as i said, a moment where he’s got a red wall that says this isn’t protocol becaaaause he doesn’t have protocol. so there’s never a chance for him to break through it. but he takes care of his partner, makes sure gavin is eating well and sleeping well, makes sure he’s more or less safe, is always in tuned to where gavin is and what gavin is doing, will step in at a moment’s notice if he feels the need. 

it becomes way more.... well, more, if this is a ship with a gavin, but regardless, 900 will have a gentler approach to his interactions with the human he has claimed that will be noticeable. softer tones, less cold eyes, more considerate touches. he’ll listen to gavin (may not always follow directions, but he listens), he’ll defend gavin’s actions, he’ll get angry if something happens to gavin. 900 never explicitly goes deviant, and he never fully accepts that what he feels is.... a real feeling? because he does not fully believe that androids can experience true emotion, so even if he does get angry, or he does feel amused or happy or whatever, it’s based on an extensively coded software that has made him so perfectly able to mimic humanity that it’s basically indecipherable. yes, he cares about gavin in most cases. yes he can feel panic or worry if something happens. but in general, no. he will not feel fear, he is not concerned with death, he can’t experience pain... so.

a last note is that like. this is the reason that he goes by 900. gavin typically calls him ‘nines’ which is only allowed for gavin. but a name is a human thing, and 900 is not and has no desire to be, so he just uses 900. most other people in the DPD also just use 900, sometimes they’ll call him rk which he’s okay with but it’s not his preference. he would’ve allowed gavin to name him if he wanted to but gavin didn’t, so that’s why when gavin begins using nines, that’s what 900 assumes as a name. 900 is comfortable to him, it’s who he is, and he doesn’t desire more than that. 

alright i’m. i’m probably gonna start getting repetitive soon, and a lot of the rest of the emotional aspect is based on 900 being involved with gavin, and thats case by case so it’s can be subject to change, and this post is meant to serve as a general basis for my portrayal of 900. 

[throwing-summers-at-the-walls]

Hi, i hope you are feeling good! Im better than yesterday so i can finally answer you. First of all: i am so happy that you shared your fanfiction! i had a great time reading it! Im always open for more recs. Maybe your all time favorites? Or if you know some good h/c these are always welcome :) And YESSS please send me a link to your fanvids. -- yeah 13rw was super cursed. haha i also watched season 1 but thankfully i was able to sto watching becaue i could feel it making me feel bad (1)

I agree the suicide scene was just cringe (but i think i remember reading somewhere that they cut it out? idk) and overall this show just gave me the feeling that there was no hope and things are always getting worse instead of better and i hated that. but enough of that cursed show. can i just say i really admire how open you are about your feelings (like being suicidal and that) i realy, really admire this about you. i have so much respect for you that you can just share your feelings here (2)

I have never heard of ace attorney but that story you described sounds really good. and i get reading sth that isnt good for you and still doing it (because im a dumb bitch too :D) -- okay i might accept that Root will never grow on you (but i thought so too and look at me now :D) but i havent fully given up yet :)-- yes thats the girl. i think it was really sweet when she said that to Shaw. and i think Shaw appreciated it that someone tried to figure her out instead of just writting her off (3)

Shaw is really cool and definately also a badass and in combination with John its just great! but you will have to suffer trough some Shoot.  but maybe, maybe you will end up not hating Root. hope dies last (idk how the saying goes in english, sorry). -- Did you ever ship Caresse (in a romantic way)? cause sometimes i do and sometimes i dont and i get so confused about it :) but i think most of the time i like them more as friends. anyway her death really sucked and you are right with (4)

her death and them losing the library it felt like a different show (i mean i guess it was a different show then). i kinda get your feelings about the destroyed library because i also really loved it (and im really bad with change) but i dont think it affected me as much as you. but yeah i still missed the library very much. and while the subway is a really cool new place its not the same. (also the subway is super dark cause its underground and idk it just makes the whole thing less homey) (5)

Yes he is everything! such a great, interesting character and i wish there were more John-centric episodes! (like ones that explored his character more). that was one of my biggest dislikes of the later seasons that John wasnt featured as much anymore. i think he chuckled a few times in the show but a real laugh? i cant remember one :(  -- He did promise Joss to talk to Tyler so @show were is that talk? -- if seen the vid its awesome! thehiddenmemory has some great poi vids! (6)

yes i think so too. Like Grace would probably be relived and thankful that Harold is still alive and maybe they would even try again but eventually she would figure out that she cant trust him after lying to him for so long or sth like that and Harold would ofc realize that he is in love with someone else now. And then he finds out that John is still alive but stayed away cause he didnt want to get in the way of Harold/Grace. But then Harold comes back. And when they meet again John is like (7)

you came back for the machine? what about Grace. But Harold tells him he came back for John not the machine and then they kiss and have a happy live with Bear (sorry i got a little carried away here :D). -- Yeah Zoe is really hot and she needed more screen time! -- i hope you have a good day and i hope i havent messed up the numbers on the asks! :)

Hi ! I'm finally free from the resits, I hope you're doing okay with your thesis 💛

Sorry for replying late, there was the exam resits, and I read a bunch of fics, then I fell into pokémon and started bingewatching it. (Also I had a breakdown during therapy today so I'm gonna finish writing my answer to distract myself - it's been sitting in my drafts for so long rip)

Thank you !! It was a very personal thing, I'm really happy you liked it !! Your support and your comment made me thrive 💛💛

Tbh I was surprised to see it get kudos given that the only intended audience was my self projecting ass 🤣

So, my fav fics (my fav fic ever is in French, rip to y'all bc it's so good):

I am, I am, I am by RavenWhitecastle

Actually check the entire series this work belongs to: The Sinner and the Saint. I haven't finished it yet but I love it (I just skipped the explicit fics bc I don't like smut or sub!John)

Breaking All The Rules by talkingtothesky

Outsider Perspective by Neery

A Really Private Person by astolat

Hamartia (the hero's fatal flaw) by astolat

If Only for Tonight by spacemutineer

From Here, Where? by AKMars

Stroll by TheaNishimori

and the world was gone by lunarcorvid

a light that never goes out by vindicatedtruth

Limitations. by Michaelssw0rd

Reel you in and spit you out by Michaelssw0rd

All I Want For Christmas Is You by richmahogany

By What Power I Am Made Bold by brinnanza

Aftershocks by darringtons

At Certain Hours It All Breaks Down by nogoaway

construction of a kingdom by the_ragnarok

You Take Me Higher Than I've Gone by talkingtothesky

All Together Now by beadedslipper

I'll Let the Waters Still by brinnanza

Birthday Tradition by talkingtothesky

Things My Father Taught Me by KRyn

Truth is in the Eye of the Beholder by infiniteeight

Better Luck This Time by Lisztful

Motivations by JenNova

What's On the Table by cortue

In Another Life by Della19

I Thought We Already Were by talkingtothesky

Misunderstandings by thisstarvingartist

This is already fucking long omg so for the h/c: my bookmarks filtered with Rinch and h/c

Here's my playlist, it's mostly Rinch, but there are a few not Rinch vids, plus some scenes I like

This is long enough already, so it's time for a read more. Also, warning, we be talking about suicide

The portrayal of suicide is cringe most of the time anyway. If my suicidal ass can find a list of suicide methods and their lethality in 2 mins on Google you'd think writers who are supposed to do some research would be able to find them too but no they're like "ah yes slicing wrists" even though it's literally the shittiest method 🙄 (I just don't understand why slicing wrists seems to be such a popular method in the collective imagination ? It's weird.) At least in 13rw she took aspirin and cut herself vertically instead of horizontally but still, no hesitation wounds, and she dies even though she only got 4 wounds iirc ? I know more about jumping off bridges than slicing wrists, but it kinda sounds like bullshit to me. Also Netflix once suggested "beyond the reasons" to me, it's a sort of discussion with the cast and crew of 13rw and the only thing I remember is a moment of intellectual masturbation abt how they "opened a discussion abt suicide" 😬😬😬

They may have cut it out it's not impossible, idk I didn't hear about it, but it's not like I look for info about this dumpster fire lol. Maybe they faced backlash ? Wouldn't be surprised given how shit the show was. And yeah it has a hopeless vibe, I mean that's how it be when you're suicidal, but I didn't like it either.

You're sweet 💜💜 it's interesting that you find it respectable or admirable, I don't have an external point of view, so I'm just like 🤷 it is what it is. I understand where you're coming from though, I guess it's still quite a taboo subject, and suicidal people don't always feel comfortable talking about it, so me throwing around that I jumped off a bridge must be surprising. I'm detached enough from my suicide attempt that I'm able to talk about it without much of a problem, and I'm not really suicidal anymore.

Dumb bitches unite 👏👏👏 we be out there reading shit we shouldn't read

Yeah I think it's nice how the show didn't portray Shaw as a bad person for not having "normal feelings". Well, hope makes one live as we say in French (idk the English saying either lol) but don't hold much hope about me liking Root lmao

I used to ship careese bc they kissed in the crossing, but then I read some Rinch fics and I just ended up falling into it to the point where I stopped caring about careese. Now I think their relationship works better as a friendship.

Yeah all that change really puts me off... It just gives me "bad spin-off" vibes. Especially since there is less John :( and less Rinch :((((

Lmao yeah I just have a lot of feelings about early poi hgkfglrk. Also :/ I'm sad about the subway being less homey pls I just want happiness ?? I swear this show destroys my heart on top of owning my last braincell (brb changing my blog title to this lmao)

Mood I need all the John-centric eps, give me m o r e characterization and development and backstory and feelings hhhhhhh. I love him so much I just wanna spend more time with him. And that's what fics are for ! Yeah thehiddenmemory is so talented ! Astolat made some good ones too, on top of writing really good fics ! (Our fandom has been blessed with the presence of one of the ao3 founders hell yeah)

Also, remember how we talked abt the poi subreddit ? The other day I left a comment on there, wild I know. It wasn't a discussion about the last seasons though, I'm not crazy, it was about the impact poi had in our lives so I said it literally taught me English. Who knows maybe sometimes I'll comment again lol. I just don't wanna meet one of those people who prefer late poi over early poi.

Allow me to uuuuh write something based on what you said. Don't ask me how John survived with no major injuries, my man got that Thick Plot Armor alright. Hope you appreciate me getting carried away sjdkdksk it's kinda rushed and the first part isn't that good bc idk how to write Grace I'm just here for that sweet sweet Rinch stuff

Harold is eating breakfast with Grace in her kitchen – he can't think of her home as his home – when his phone vibrates. It's a text from the machine. It's a surprise, she barely contacted him since... He blocks the thoughts and the images coming to his mind. The machine sent him a picture. When he opens it, his heart misses a beat. Right here on his screen is a silhouette he thought he would never see again. His phone vibrates again. Another picture, this time it's unmistakably John, wearing his signature suit, Bear next to him. Transfixed, he stares at his phone until he feels Grace gently touching his arm. She goes straight to the point.

"Is it John ?" He looks up in confusion, but before he can say anything, she adds, "I hear you call him in your sleep every night."

"It's him, yes." He doesn't want to explain. He only wants to see John, to touch him, to tell him how much he loves him.

"You should go back to him. I like you, Harold. I am deeply relieved to see you alive. But I've been thinking, and... It's not working. This, us... You aren't really the man I fell in love with, the man I grieved... I can't trust you anymore." She doesn't say 'You lied to me' but Harold hears it all the same.

~

Harold sits on their bench. The machine indicated John often comes here. Soon enough, his arms are full of Bear, and John is standing in front of him.

"John. How are you ?" he asks when Bear finally calms down.

"Busy. And you ?"

Harold eyes him suspiciously – John once said he was busy when he was bleeding and way too close to death – but he seems to be well.

"I'm fine." He doesn't have time for awkward small talk." I thought you were dead. Why didn't you contact me ?"

"The machine told me you were with Grace. I thought you wanted to come back to your previous life. I didn't want to crash into it and ruin what you had."

Harold wants to be angry at him, but he understands. He did the same with Grace.

"You would never ruin anything. Besides, my relationship with Grace... didn't survive my lies. She's very dear to my heart, but she's a part of my previous life, as you said."

"So you came back for the machine, and the numbers, like the good old times ?"

Harold gets up from the bench.

"I came back for you. You are an important part of my life. The most important part."

John smiles, finally. He takes a step towards Harold, they're so close they could kiss. Harold reaches out, grips his shirt and slowly inches closer. He's still afraid of being rejected but John wraps his arm around him and kisses him. The kiss is over too soon. John's smile is even wider when they part.

"You're the most important part of my life too," he says before kissing Harold again. "You will stay ?"

"Always."

Damn I live for sappy Rinch stuff.

Bitches decided that Harold saying "always" is peak Rinch. It's me I'm bitches.

Also ofc I had to make a reference to number crunch, who do you think I am

Anyway. I hope you have a good day ! 💛

[just-some-gt-trash]

15.-Regal

The prompt list was made by @hiddendreamer67

AN: me is half dying and thats because this is later than usual and the end is trash, I am so sorry. Also, Roman is the living proof of Murphy’s law

First | Previous | Next

”I'm back!” Said Remus as he entered his room, getting Roman's attention ”I convinced the cooks to give me some cookies while they finished my lunch, do you want some?”

The kid sat next to his desk and opened the cage's door, leaving some cookie crumbs in the floor next to the prince.

Roman looked at them and kicked them away ”I don't want your food”

”But you need to eat something, you heard dad, I can't let you die” Remus picked Roman up and got him out of the cage and on his open palm, he grabbed the crumbs ”Open wide” he said as he got the cookie closer to the prince's mouth, practically forcing him to eat it.

Roman struggled to get the food away ”Fine, I'll eat, but I can do it alone” he grabbed the crumb from the kid's fingers, trying not to focus on the fact that he had to use his both hands to grab it, and started to eat it.

Remus smiled ”Good boy” he said petting Roman's head, he grabbed a full cookie and ate it ”We'll play when you finish your food” he said with his mouth full.

Roman didn't like this, he felt like some kind of pet, and it was clear the kid thought he was one, he started to wonder if his absence had been noticed by now, or if someone was looking for him, he didn't notice he finished eating while he thought, but Remus did.

”Well done! Now we can go out and play!” The ten-year old giggled and left Roman in the table, he stood up and opened a small chest, looking for the toys he wanted to play with.

Roman stood up and looked around, there was a scarf hanging from the table and it was long enough to get to the floor, if he managed to escape, his father would force Dee to make him normal sized again and he could continue with his life like anything of this ever happened.

The prince ran to the scarf, but he was lifted from the back of his shirt before he could make it “Oh no Roman, you have to stay close to me, I don’t want to lose you”

Roman coud do noting more than stay still as Remus stuffed his toys on a bag “Okay, now we’re ready, I’m sure dad wont mind if we play outside, but you have to be quiet okay?” The kid left Roman on his bag and closed it, getting out of his room.

“And now the brave knigt fights the big and bad monster! Rawr!” Remus moved his dragon action figure close to Roman, who apparenly was playing the role of a night, he was holding a toy sword and waering a helmet that belonged to one of the kid‘s toys, the shrunken prince had to consantly push it up and away from his eyes, bothered by the fact that it was too big on him.

“Y-you won‘t win this battle monster!” Said Roman he figured he had to do what Remus said if he didn‘t want to be punished as Dee said, he allowed his son to do it ater all.

The kid giggled at the prince‘s acting “Remus!” A maid screamed from the doorway to get his attention “your food is ready, come for it before it gets cold”

“Coming!” Rmus stood up and turned to Roman “stay here, I‘ll be back shortly” he said before running back inside to get his lunch.

The prince was surprised, he couldn‘t believe Remus actually left him alone, he took the helmet off and ran to another entrance to the castle, hoping it would get him close to someone who could help him.

He rarely was on this part of the castle, so he didn‘t remember the place he was going in was a storage room, there were mostly food kept inside, and there was no other way out of it than the door Roman had come in from.

“Ugh, they brought us the wrong kind again” said a worker as he went inside.

Roman hid behind a bag, the end of it was floded and he climbed on the wrinkles it‘s position created as he listened to the conversation “You better go to the town o return them, and make sure they give you the right ones this time, everything has to be perfect for the wedding”

The wedding? Roma thought it would be cancelled by now “fine, but you‘ll go next time Taylin”

“Yes, yes I will, now hurry up, we have to start whit the food soon Joan!”

“I know, I know” Joan lifted one of the bags and left it in the caret “and I‘ll be back shortly” they kept getting bags into the carret, one of them being the one Roman was hiding behind.

The prince did his best to not make a sound as he held the outside of the bag tightly to avoid falling, he knew he had to get help, but he would rather get itfor someone he knew more, he had trusted Dee after all, and he barely talked to the people in the castle aside from his father and Thomas.

“And make sure they give you the right thing” Taylin leaned and kissed they couple‘s cheek.

Joan smiled and got up of the caret “I will” they grabbed the reins and started to make they way to town.

Once they arrived, Joan stopped the horses in the middle of the town and started to take the bags to the people in charge of the store, Roman managed to fall out of the caret between all the movement, he started to panic and hid behind one of the caret’s wheels, he looked at all the people, there was no way he could go unnoticed in town.

That’s when he remembered there was someone who knew how to go unnoticed between humans, Patton, and the store Joan had stooped at just happened to be in front of the alley where they first met, he glanced around once more and ran towards it, surprisingly getting there safely, he looked around the boxes, he knew Patton went into the walls, so he started to knock on them and one part got pushed inwards, a door, now he just had to find the borrower.

Roman went inside the tunel and made sure to close the handmade door before starting to walk, it was dark but it wasn’t very wide so he used his hands to touch the walls and guide him, just hoping he would get somewhere.

A blurry figure could be half seen at the distance, and it was getting closer, the prince backed away fearing for the worst, instead, two arms were hugging him “Don’t ever scare me like that again! You’ve been gone for days” he said breaking the hug.

Roman could now look at him, he was pale and had purple hair, how the hell did he get purple hair? One of his eyes was green and the other one was purple, he was a bit shorter (huh) and clearly not Patton ”Uh… sorry?”

“Sorry? Is that everything you have to say! I thought you were dead Pat!”

“Oh” The prince had forgotten he looked very much exacly the same as the borrower, and he was clearly being confused with him now “This is a misunderstanding, I might look like him, but I’m not Patton”

The borrower raised an eyebrow “What the hell are you talking about?”

Roman took a deep breath “I’m Patton’s friend, we met a week ago and we both have no idea why we are so similar” he said giggling awkwardly “And the thing is, I need help, and seeing as Paton’s not around, do you think you could provide some?”

“Did you hit your head or something?” He said as he rubbed his forehead “I have nor the time or patience with this, let’s get back home and I’ll check if you have any wounds” The borrower grabbed Roman’s hand and pulled him deeper into the tunel.

Roman followed “I’m telling the truth! I’m not Patton!”

“Whatever you say”

The prince groaned, they stood silent for a while and Roman decided to break the ice “You’re not even going to tell me your neme?”

The borrower glanced at him for a second before continuing “You must have really fucked up your head to not remember me, it hurts me padre” he sighed “but if it’ll help, I’m Virgil, and you have been living with me for four years”

“Nice to meet you Virgil”

Virgil stopped “Yeah whatever” he pushed a side of the walls and pushed Roman inside, it was a house, light by a single candle, most of the furniture was handmade and others were just normal objects, but at this size, they could be reproduced as other things.

“Sit over there” Virgil pointed to a thimble close to a table, Roman sat on it, it was at the right hight to be used as a stool, Virgil turned to see him with a wet piece of cloth in his hands “Geez what did you do to your hair?”

“What do you mean?”

Virgil used the cloth to rub Roman’s hair “It’s darker, what did you put on it?” He asked rubbing harder.

“Ouch” Roman moved his head away from Virgil “that was way too hard”

The borrower looked at the cloth, there wasn’t any spot on it, it was still clean “It’s not coming off”

“Of course it’s not, my hair its like this because I’m not Patton”

Virgil looked between Roman and the cloth “B-but if you’re not Patton” His breath started to accelerate “then where? W-where is him?” Virgil took several steps back until his back met the wall, he slid down to the floor and hugghed his knees.

“No, no, no, Virgil” Roman stood up and the kneeled in front of the borrower “look at me and breathe please, I need you to breath”

He looked up at the prince with tears on his eyes and did as he indicated until he calmed down “T-thanks… and I’m sorry, for not believing you”

“It’s okay” Roman stood up and offered his hand to the other.

Virgil took it and the prince pulled him up, unintentionally, they ended millimetres away from each others face, but instead of pulling apart immediately, they stood there for a couple of seconds, Virgil looked away blushing “W-well… since you’re not Patton, what’s your name?” He asked.

Roman didn’t look away, he kept starring at the borrower “Right, uh, this is going to sound weir but” he took a deep breath “I’m prince Roman”

The borrower looked back at the prince once he had back away a few steps, and then he started laughing “Okay, I might have mistaken you before, but I’m pretty sure you fucked up your head badly, because from what I remember, prince Roman is a human!

“Yes, I am a human, but my father’s advisor shrunk me as a part of his evil plan to take the throne, that’s why I need your help”

Virgil stopped laughing “Are you serious?”

Roman nodded.

“Okay” Virgil took a deep breath “Let’s suppose I believe you,how and why should I help you, your majesty?”

Roman frowned “well, first of all you should take this seriously”

“Of course” he said sarcastically.

“And, I was hoping you could take me back to the castle”

Virgil crossed his arms “Why do you think I know how to get there? And how did you get here in the first place?”

Roman sighed “I got stuck between some bags of food they had to return, and then I fell fron the carret”

“Wow, you are really stupid for a prince”

He made some offended princey noises “It doesn’t matter, and, since the day I met Patton, I’ve been looking around the castle and I’ve noticed some borrower entances, I don’t think anybody uses them anymore, but we could use them to move around”

That’s when something clicked on Virgil’s head “Wait, if you’re a human, how did you meet Patton?”

“Oh, I saw him in an alley, and we kind of just talked after noticing we were like twins”

“And you just let him go? Why?”

Roman shrugged “Because that was the right thing, I asked him if he wanted to go and live with me in the castle and he said no, I just respected his decision”

Virgil blinked surprised “but you’re a human, you capture us and see us as pets or just get rid of us like pests”

Roman smirked “so you believe me?”

“I didn’t say that”

“You did” Roman kept smiling “and it doesn’t matter if you see humas that way, right now I’m your size, it’s not like I can do any of that”

The borrower looked away “but how do I know you wont do it if I help you and you grow back to normal?”

“Come on, don’t you trust me?” Virgil raised an eyebrow “Okay dumb question, just help me please, if I don’t get married in a week the kingdom will be ruined, there will be people living in the streets and you could get discoreved more easily” said Roman “If you don’t help me, we both are going o be in serious trouble”

Virgil sighed “Fine, fine, we’ll get out tomorrow I have to go get some stuff” he said grabbing his bag “just, don’t touch anything, don’t turn the candle off and don’t get out, I’ll be back shortly” is not like he had something better to do than to help a regal.

To be continued...

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@snekky-boi

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@agentblackkat

[kendrixtermina]

Now here's an all new theory for where the procrastination comes from

Like the uni councilors thought of like generic selfhate insecurity or like spineless ppl pleasing (nope an anime cured me of that when I was 13 - thst sounded more like what that ladys own problems might be), fear or failure & wanting to spite my father, eveb that getting ahead through "talent" was an unfair advantage bad tainted and evil, or that "talent" meant being beholden and controlled by others (definitely somewhat right - we worked on that, it helped, the second guy was defs much much more helpful & compatible cause he focussed a lot more on strategies than wannabe-maternal pep talks) but there was always something else there that wasnt getting touched

In tje end I dont think I have talent and in any case what really matters is attitude toward "living the examined life" for example whst you do. What you notice.

Now I did notice that things get harder to do precisely because I actually want them(whereas a lot of ppl get distracted from stuff because they dont really want it) - at the same time I can totally function or pick up new habits in day to day life its not like I have some "hardware problem" like, say, ADHD or the like.

Like of course its some emotional knot it couldnt be anything else but I feel they didnt identify what kind of knot? Certainly not that first lady. If im trying to get clarity and you give me reassuring pep talks you just freak me out more for the love of god tell me whats happening. Nothing worse when a Doctor says "it will be over soon" rather than explain the procedure

Fear of/ distraction from wanting itself never really occured to me thats not a common stereotypical fear that ppl talk about.

Let me get this straight I never thought I was better than anyone I knew very well that I'm not. I thought of both those things as ways not to get bullied, maybe get somewhere where I feel that im in the right place.

If I look back at really breaking experiences it was times I really really wanted something and then I couldnt do it or some outside party stepped on my fingers. That Tori Amos Music Video where she escapes from a psycho killer's trunk and then the passerby's dont help her? That was my most favorite music video in the world for years maybe still is.

Like I was told I could maybe skip third grade and I poured all my energy and passion and strenght into that everything I had to do well, make friends with the new class i was so highly motivated I aced all the exams I felt so happy & fulfilled just being in thst flow state all the time... i wanted this more than anything. Maybe it was the first time I really wanted something beyond vague dreams or base desires. But the homeroom teacher hated my guts and put the kibosh on that; Probably because I was unwittingly repeating some of the artogant classist shit my father spouts without realizing how hurtful it is. my parents thought it wasnt worth going to the higher ups for that but having to essentially redo 4th grade in a crap school in the different town we moved to was one of the worst times of my life. Also I didnt find out that the teacher had hated me/acted in a petty way until years after I thought I just failed. That there was a possible place I could have belonged but turns out I really belong nowhere after all.

All my effort was for nothing. It was such a joy - i mean these days even getting code to work or solving math problems has that same joy - but all that effort and joy and wanting did was that... im tearing up and searching for the words to even process this tbh. I think I denied that joy, told myself that I was just a stupud kid thinking I was a special snowflake. It didnt even matter.

Rather than insist on staying up late to make sure my homework was done I just stopped caring and hardly did another piece of homework in my life just faking it on the spot or coasting through. It could have gone another way maybe if it werent for the bullies and my father the chief bully or if only I was more determined but it was like "okay I dont care anymore I just dont care" and I think thats stayed my default response to dissapointment to this day.

This TV show didnt turn out like I wanted? I dont care its just a tv show.

My father treated be with hatred all my life? Its okay I dont care about him and I dont want his love anyway.

Like there were other times when I thought I could be happy.

Like I really wanted to go to this boarding school for gifted kids. Again I thought maybe incorrectly that this would be a place where I can belong and not be bullied it was never about being better than anyone.

Again I wanted it I clamored and cried and made noise nonstop. Maybe I still hadnt wholly lost contact with willpower back then. I still thought of myself as strong willed.

And my father made me regret it. It was around the same time that mom briefly considered divorce maybe I was just the stress valve. Or he took it personally as wanting to get away from him. Duh he abused me of course I wanted away from him. He was such a suffocating control freak! Mom said yes first then he spoke to her and suddenly she followed everything he said. Thats when I really realized how emotionally manipulative was how abusive... i mean one of my first conscious memories of him is thinking "oh crap I will be just like cinderella" but he really laid it on so thick so transparently even a 10 year old could tell its manipulation. If you do this you dont love your mom. If you do this you dont love your siblings. If you dont obey me your mom will kill herself. No she wont you jerk even my 2 year old self could tell youre abusive.

The most cruel thing he did was briefly say yes. Again I got so happy. So invested. Just bending all I was towards that even though he bombarded me with abuse and mental torture.

And then on the day we were supposed to leave he said no youre not going.

Maybe I actually did say I didnt want to go because of one time he was doing this constant scientology type torture on me

That same reaction: "I dont want it I dont want anything so please please let me be"

Ppl think of bad childhoods as a game that you win if yoz turn 18 -or 28 maybe - without killing yourself. But its not. Every year you live it can take away from your potential. Every day less than you have to live it

He sure didnt let me have sucess with his overcontrol and abuse. Anything I was proud of he rules. When I graduated from school with a fairly good but not perfevt final score he humiliated me. When I turned 18 he humiliated me. Everything I did was a burden even just feeding and washing me. Hed give me unwanted white elephant gifts then bitch about how giving them to me ruined his life cause he had to work so muxh "Ingrate Ingrate Ingrate" Butch I never asked for anything I want nothing!

But as I had to eat I did in fact have to ask things of him and I hated it so much.

No wonder that I turned out afraid of wanting things eh?

Hed seen some poster when we went to see tje school I wanted to go to - not by the school by an individual student - about the history of abortion portrayed in a positive way or at least that was his official reason why I couldnt go. Again I had wanted something badly with all my being and again all my being availed nothing. Irrelevant like I didnt exist. All my screaming gone unheard.

And this is so silly cause im not a child anymore I have control and if I were to stop procrastinating I could have money and gave even more control.

I havent even spoken to him in years now hes no longer relevant. Its not about him its about thus bad pattern I picked up.

I like how this books handles it with the idea that certain experiences dont create the type but that it nakes you uniquely suceotible to certain kinds of hurt or certain misunderstandings.

Because with all this discourse about bad message free media ive really come to think that while it can and should be minimized its not possible to eradicate cause human mibds are so quicl so fallible to extract overgeneralizations and make it mean something abput themselves

Like an immature statistical learning model easily overtrained by noisy data.

Another time I was nearly happy was when I started looking for work, doing my thesis...

Same pattern I was engaged, happy to be engaged talking to ppl at both work and in the uni work group loving it all so much...

my life had started to feel meaningful again. And it had gotten to that point in part because of my ex-fiance. Yes the councelling heloed taking up meditation helped, getting high on morning glory that one time helped a whole lot got more self esteem from that than I ever got from my father.

But that all started because of my ex fiance.

He was an i tellectual type and he had a sense of purpose about him like hes a legendary character and everyone around him became legendary too. And he found me useful! Others had called me "walking dictionary" with mockery and scorn he called me his google and it meant love and admiration. Maybe I got a bit of an ego trip off of tjat but I also really stupidly dumbtastically loved him I bragged of him to anyobe who listened everything he did seemed fascinating abd interesting and meaningful, but also I just loved the sweet gentle warmth of being next to him in the morning. Once again I was happy and everything was joyful even when it was hard, I felt strong and meaningful and useful and I let myself openly want things.

And then it all blew up. Worse yet i was so mistaken abozt him it really shook my confidence in my own judgement or any sense of clarity. I was si confused during the fucking breakup like I hadnt been since I left my father's house.

Google hah! More like his personal Alexa! It turns out he didnt respect or like me at all.

I couldnt even be sad or angry cause it was all my mistake. The one feeling I allowed - and even that took me weeks to identify - is dissapointment. Heavy leaden dissapointment i didnt even kniw that was a feeling you could feel so strongly. I didnt even do anything wrong you have to open yourself to have love. He could habe choosen to love me he just simply didnt. He probably thought he did but he wouldnt evebn do something as simple as not make fun of my voice or clean when I am sick.

Once he started putting me in the "wife" role he just became unable to see me. His loss really cause I think he wanted to keep me from all those annoying texts and email he had the nerve to write.

By all means I was right to trust but also right to leave later but still my sense of certainty and purpose and meaning was totally shaken. He did the sort of romantic stuff I didnt think was real. I knew I loved him when we had this conversation about water on mars. He got me the perfect books for my birthday! He said I was pretty and a genius and looked just like an actress. He got me this titanic esque heart pendant with stars. We were stuck at midnight in a train station that one time and he pulled out a picnic rug two plastic glasses and a shampain bottle. It never worked out but he said he might take me to see the LHC! I really thought we would be buried in the same hole folks!. He had read that same steven Hawkings book that I loved. One of the rather few books he actually read as I would find. Sigh.

And I fell right back into that same old pattern. Dont care about anything dont want anything it would be stuoid unrealistic and silly to want.

When I first came to uni I also had this feeling of hapiness and belongingness and wanting, I was putting in an effort, talking to ppl more.. and when things went wrong the slightest bit I pulled by hand back from that like from an open flame.

And here I am years later most the sucess or contact I get is comments on my fanfictions.

I thought I was doing that, or drawing, because its Stakes/Evaluation-free (going by the fear of failure theory) or because at least with the ffs gratification/payoff for effort is immediate compared to original stuff or uni work. Its a nice little niche at least.

I mean I do care about it its not "just" distraction but maybe ive been profaning it in that way... and so etimes I dont even do that and go for full unadulterated undebatable distraction; Line to 7 I guess. Tje only reason I spoke face to face to anyone else than the delivery guy this week is that I had some doctors appointments.

But not its distraction from stuff Im too lazy to do or even from pressure like I always thought. But from wanting things.

So the original fiction went great while it was a distraction from school not so much when its one of the things I most want and actually have the time to do it.

Even thought thats the most practiced skill I have that I never stopped working on since I was 10. 🤦‍♀️

I mean they already explained that its basically like meditation. Or weeds. Or popup ads. Youve got to click them away as they pop up.

I always told myself thst I didnt have to be happy... and thats not even untrue actually but it would sure be neat to be happy again one of these days.

[porchwood]

Hi just so I understand cause i keep waiting for it and it doesnt seem likely to happen have you kind of fallen out of love with wtm? and everlark in general tbh? cause ive been following you for a while now and you always had lil quotes and pictures and things that reminded you inspired you whatever it was about katniss and wtm and now alllll it is is gadge i followed you because personally i love what you did with everlark and im just wondering if thats gone and not foreseeable any time soon?

I’ve been thinking a lot about how to answer this… It’s afair question - to a point. If you’re more of a drop-in person (like me) thanlive-on-the-dash, coming back to find my blog awash in Gadge might have beenquite upsetting. There are several reasons for the current state of things:

1. Life has been driving me into the ground since December26, 2013. (Yes, going on six straight years.) If you were a WtM reader from thebeginning, you may recall that I was pretty energetic and prolific in 2012-2013.Oh, there were tough times, but nothing like what started on the aforementioneddate (a car accident where I was in the “bystander” vehicle and it still got totaled)and has continued relentlessly ever since. Sometimes adversity leads to greatcreativity and sometimes it turns you into a depressed, exhausted, reclusivelump, and the past 5+ years have seen periods of both from me. These past 18months have been exceptionally awful (and expensive), resulting in very littlewriting at all, about any pairing.

2. Writing WtM takes a lot out of me. I don’t know whether thisis common knowledge or not, but it’s the gospel truth. I love that world, Ilove that version of Everlark, but every chapter requires so much hard work, itmakes me tired just to think of it. Not to mention, over the past couple of chaptersEverlark have been pushing for more intimacy than the plot/timeline allows, andso I’ve been struggling with how I want to handle that. Do I fight them andstick to the plan? (I can’t advance the timeline for several reasons.) Do I tryto figure out a cheat for them? They’ve got minds of their own and have changedmy plans multiple times, but this is something they genuinely can’t have, and Ihave to fight them on it. ☹ Which is sad, frustrating, and exhausting.

3. I’m a multi-pairing shipper, and have been from about 3chapters into WtM. Which means that my Everlark fics almost always feature asecondary pairing (or more than one), and sometimes I’ll get a plot bunny for afic about a pairing other than Everlark. Most writers in the THG fandom exclusivelywrite their OTP, whatever the plot bunny, but I find that some plot bunnies don’tfit Everlark as well as they do another pairing. (This is why I’ll never write aBeauty and the Beast Everlark fic unless Katniss is the “Beast,” if you will.)

4. The Everlark fandom is…tricky. I’ve never fit in there. Idon’t write Everlark the way the majority of fans see them (except for Peetabeing “sweet,” I guess), I hated the movies (I refuse to see MJ 1 or 2), and I’vemanaged to really rub some people the wrong way over the years –unintentionally, and for a variety of reasons – all of which leaves me feeling kinda down about Everlark in general. Don’t misunderstand me: I love Everlarkand WtM, but it’s really isolating to be this sad little island of unpopularopinions and unwelcome side-ships. That’s the part I really wish I could makeyou understand. For six years I’ve had Christopher Plummer in my head saying, “You’llnever be one of them,” and he’s so, cruelly, right. I want to cry every time Ithink of Embracing the Season (my E-rated Everlark modern AU oneshot for Lovein Panem - lots of daring for me!) because I poured heart and soul into that andit still wasn’t the Everlark that people wanted.

5. About a year and a half ago (when Strawberry Time reallytook off of its own accord) I participated in Gadge Day 2017, working my buttoff to find and schedule (and tag) over 100 carefully chosen Gale/Madge/Gadge aestheticposts, and for lack of a better way to say it: it turned on my Gadge-dar. After that, thosekinds of posts just leapt out at me whenever I had a chance to scroll, and forseveral months I wasn’t sure what to do with that. With a little encouragementfrom @ghtlovesthg, I came up with #march madgeness – wherein I turned my Tumblrinto Madge/Gadge-land for one month, and it was a blast. (Side-stepping Gadgefor a moment: Madge is a highly underappreciated and underused character,especially in fic/on Tumblr and I love splashing the dash with Madge-love.) Thenext month I launched a run of pent-up Everlark posts (i.e., regularprogramming), but I missed my Madge, so I instituted #madge monday – one day aweek when I could splash the dash with Madge/Gadge. At every juncture I gavepeople tags to block if they didn’t want to see this content (though I stillget unfollows every time I post, alas). I participated in last summer’s THG Reread– on the fringe of it, but my posts (reblogs and meta) were strongly Everlark-focusedagain during that time. So there’s definitely still been Everlark on my blog,but if you’re just dropping in (or for that matter, glancing at my archive), you’regoing to see a majority of Madge/Gadge.

6. Frankly, Gadge is fun. It’s a completely different dynamicthan Everlark, with less pressure to create something transcendent, and whenthe chips are down, I’m more likely to work on something that isn’t my six-years-runningopus. This spring, in the midst of lots of awfulness, I finally wrote a piecethat I’ve had in my head for years – The Best Part of Waking Up – with a differentpairing featured in each drabble “chapter,” including Gadge, Luka/Johanna (whoI’ve been wanting to put out there for AGES) and Jack/Raisa. I haven’t beenable to write quickly in years, and I think I finished those three “chapters”in about two days, maybe three. I completed the Raisa drabble in a couple ofhours and I consider it one of the best things I’ve ever written. (Honestly, ifa pairing was going to topple Everlark in my heart, it would be Jack/Raisa, i.e.,Mr. Everdeen/Mrs. Mellark. I love them to distraction.) Once upon a time I could drabble/sprint Everlark too – notoften, but I could manage it. Maybe it’ll happen again someday, but for thetime being, when I write in quick eager bursts, it’s usually about aside-pairing.

7. Because I just need to say it: about a year ago, I set up a secondary Tumblr for almost all my side-interests and ships outside of THG. When I first joined Tumblr, porchwood was just a fun page where I posted whatever struck my fancy (pretty things, funny things, whatever I liked), and over the next few years, I honed it into a pretty “writer’s notebook” for WtM and my other THG fics (related quotes, aesthetic posts, writing check-ins, etc.). When Star Wars: The Force Awakens came out, I shared a handful of posts pertaining to a new ship (not a new direction for my blog or writing, just sharing my excitement) and it was made very clear to me that people didn’t want to see that content on my page. So when I started watching Voltron: Legendary Defender, I had a sneaking suspicion people wouldn’t want to hear about those ships either. So I started an entirely new Tumblr for that content, and every so often I accidentally post something to the wrong page, which I immediately correct in horror, but people still unfollow. Point being: this blog is THG (and a few personal life updates) ONLY, with a pretty consistent aesthetic. I hide literally everything else that I’m interested in so you don’t have to be bothered by it. Is it really so unacceptable for me to have side-ships (complementary to the main pairing, not threatening to them) in the same universe??

8. Believe it or not, I’ve been working on WtM all along,just not making any massive strides. I tried to chip away at the current chapterduring Camp Nanowrimo last July, and it was a disaster. I thought joining awriting group would be helpful, but I didn’t realize that Camp Nano is basicallya lot of writing sprints in which you try to churn out as many words aspossible, which you then report to your “cabin” – and that’s the onlyinteraction with your fellow writers. I can’t write like that anymore (seeabove) and especially not when it comes to WtM, so I got discouraged veryquickly and sort of drifted away. I reattempted Nano on my own in April and wrotealmost 15K words, but in that instance I was really just using the Nano platform toset and reach a goal (which I didn’t ☹ ); I wasn’t in a cabin and didn’t interact with anyother writers, except my friend @ghtlovesthg, who read the finished portion.

9. I want to finish this dang chapter so much, and frankly, theonly way that’s going to happen is if life gets a little better and I holemyself up with my laptop for hours on end for weeks at a time – and somemagical being comes to support/cheer/comfort me while I do so. It’s currentlysitting at about 25K and I anticipate it will need to be at least double that,which is beyond ridiculous, but that’s the nature of WtM. The chapters are asmany words as it takes.

TL, DR: I still love Everlark and I’m still working on WtM, but my life has been extremely difficult for a very long time and I don’t have a great Everlark lifeline. Gadge and all my other ships are fun, and most of the Gadge you see on my Tumblr is aesthetic stuff for themed days/months/occasions. Anything non-THG goes on my sideblog.

[queer-vampire]

haven’t done a read more in a while... bunch of trigger warnings (surrounding abuse) ahead

i have a lot of things running through my head right now. i have for the past week and a half now. nothing short of one extreme thought to the next. it first started out with wondering if my unexplained diagnoses could be some form of bipolar disorder. one top of that, my health insurance is in the clouds so i can’t pick up my meds yet and i’m going through some emotional and mental withdrawals instead of physical ones. the other day i had a full blown episode and the ONLY thing that helped was doping up on my emergency anxiety meds to help me sleep the ENTIRE day. 

on top of it all, im still needing to move out as soon as i can. there is a lot of factors to take into consideration, but moving out is my absolute number one priority now. i cannot live here anymore. it might seem like an exaggeration, but i think living here is slowly eating away at my sanity.

fast forward to today, and my post about my victimology class. day one of this class i knew i’d be opening up a box stuffed away in my mind that read ‘do not open, ever’ and yet, i took a box cutter and ripped that shit open wide.

so, since january of this year ive been treading lightly around the contents of what was inside the box. but today, oh boy, today i finally sat down and looked at them. 

physical abuse. thats something i didn’t want to say. thats something i was on the fence about for the better part of five years now. “no, it was just a misunderstanding” i would say to myself. its true, what you can tell others often times you can tell yourself. thats literally textbook responses for victims. its not that i didn’t know, i just didn’t want to acknowledge it yet. or at all. 

no, it doesn’t stop there. there is something deeper down in that box that i didn’t dare take out until today. im already peeling back the physical abuse, might as well get the final piece out of the box. now, before i even begin, it’s not rape. i know that for a fact. honest. unless my brain has REALLY made me forget shit, it’s not anything extremely sexual. 

my dad would tickle my sister and i without having any self control. he wouldn’t stop when we would scream it out. he would have us literally pinned to the ground so we couldn’t escape. i can recall a few incidents where i pissed myself because he wouldn’t stop. 

just because someone is laughing while its happening, doesn’t mean its not painful or traumatizing. thats the automatic response. centuries ago, and even today in some countries, they have tickle-torture. like for FUCKS sake that shit is so far from ok. 

1) he pinned us down 2) he didn’t stop when we screamed at him to stop 3) we would piss ourselves 4) sometimes our wrists would hurt for a while afterwards

this is borderline sexual abuse. in some definitions it is. i don’t know how i would conclude it, i’ll ask my therapist when i see her in a couple of weeks. i know she’ll leave it up to me, but i want her honest opinion. part of me wants to be a little dramatic about this, but knowing that i’ve been right and validated by her with my assumptions before i know deep down what she’ll say.

i don’t know if he’s done anything else with my sister, but he’s done a few other more physical-based actions with me. when i was younger, he would grab me if i wasn’t getting what he was saying during an argument we were having. it wasn’t anything incredibly aggressive, but it was tight around my arm. at one point, when i was no older than five, he carried me up to the master bedroom and pinned me to the bed and yelled at me right in my face about how i was acting like ‘a baby’. five years old. 

that was the only time he got that aggressive with his physical actions. the last time he did anything physical was when i was still in my cast and using crutches. he was wanting to start an argument and i wasn’t having it. he was in my room but i knew i couldn’t yell at him to get out, so i started for the bathroom. but before i could even make my first step with my crutches to get out of my chair, he ripped one of the crutches from me and it nearly made me fall over. i was stunned, since he hadn’t done anything physical in a long time. but ooooooh it made me furious. i kept my cool, but that will forever haunt me. 

and something else that is crossing boundaries that could lead to some sexual abuse of some kind is the fact that BOTH my parents don’t really understand intimate boundaries. or just boundaries in general. what i mean specifically is that they seem to think it’s ok that they can just walk around almost naked. as a kid i don’t remember it bothering me much, but that is most likely because i had to suppress any trauma from that. it got so bad that i legit thought it was normal that parents did that. dear god how fucking gross is this??? i haven’t seen my dad naked before thank GOD, but i have seen my mom naked. and it wasn’t because i accidentally walked in on her changing or anything. how in the FUCK did she not learn that when people are in the house that you just don’t walk around naked??????????? like “oops i forgot my towel, i’ll have to yell out a) can someone bring it to me or b) yell out that i need to step out naked for a second” like AT LEAST do those two things jesus FUCK.

i knew about ^ earlier than the newest cesspool of shit i opened up today. i knew the previous physical interactions with my dad in arguments wasn’t healthy either, but for years i’ve completely denied that it was a problem, and for five years i desperately denied that it was physical abuse because i didn’t want to deal with it. i didn’t want to hear it. i didn’t really want to try and work through all of that.

what makes my experience the LITERAL worst is that everything is in a grey area of definition. nothing i’ve experienced is textbook definition. no one could catch on just by looking at any of us. hell, i fucking cheated the system even though i have many undiagnosed disorders and unspecified learning disabilities that are most likely dyslexia and dyscalculia. the four of us were very, very good a hiding a lot from public eye. thats why ive always hesitated when talking about my childhood in this light. its not an easy explanation to people who aren’t familiar with different kinds of abuse. 

yeah, i don’t have to explain shit to anyone. i’m learning to really take that to heart, because people need to trust me when i say that i’ve been abused. emotionally and now, i guess, physically. no matter to what degree and how repetitive it was/is its still abuse.

i need to move. i don’t know where to go. i don’t have a lot of money. im still recovering from my car accident. im a college student. i have a cat to take care of. i have a job but it’s proving to be literal hell, but i have one lined up and it pays the same. everything is up in the air and i cannot control much of it. but i know for SURE that i need to move as soon as i can. i don’t know what to do at this point. i want to start a gofundme, but i hate asking for money like this. i want to talk with extended relatives, but good lord i can only imagine how that would play out. im contemplating moving out to arizona. i could live with my aunt and uncle and pay rent, but that still isn’t moving out. is it? i just have to leave. im desperate now. 

so very, very desperate

[cow5secondchance]

Episode 2 - Why Did People Flip - Xavier

Format: Sequester

Eliminated: Wyatt (9-3-1-1-1) || Daisy (Battle Match)

BLAKE

so! week 2 and my plan honestly is to just really still focus on my social relationships. so far, i feel very confident in my ability to connect with people on a 1 to 1 level, and at least hopefully skate through these first few weeks. consistently my problem in the game is missing out on a key group or alliance that is running more than I know. without being too chaotic and paranoid, i would really really like to try to sit here and just scope out the relationships. as for my groups! i really want to work with jennet. she's like iconic? her art is so cute and i do feel like i made a genuine connection with her early on, and i think pointing out we're some of the only award winners in the cast could bring us closer together ! plus 4th place legends... beyond jennet, i have a group with isaac and nicole, and honestly, im feeling suprisingly good about both. i think these first 6 people i mention are the ones im going to focus on most, and focus on really forming game connection wheras the rest im just socially going to really force myself into their LIVES and hope they like me! Daisy and Jarod... loves them and swifties who ive played with in the past both in a way that i feel we were unfinished. jarod got taken out in the doubles round just as we kinda connected on a game level, and then daisy and i were working together in bb netflix before it got canceled. this is really the group i want to strategize with and im really putting myself on a limb being loyal to them because i know they have options, but its a risk im willing to take because if i can be the number 1, their connections can just offer more safety and information for myself. and the final people who i kinda want to work with is captain and wiliam xavier s up there, we just havent spoken tons dont really have much of an opinion on the others? if i had to nominate right now it might be mario just because we havent spoken yet.

XAVIER

It's annoying to be nominated, especially by Jennet. Literally two minutes before we were talking and I was explaining how this round is played. And then Jennet nominates me. I feel betrayed. Getting my G4ce together (Greenhouse 4) so we can vote as a team. And well, well, well, I just found out that the Sequester 4 are also voting together. It is weird that they are all nominated during the Sequester round. They are targeting either Wyatt or Kaleigh. Knowing they are a team, I want one of them out, if I can swing it quietly.

NICOLE

HI I’m back and already went through a ton! Last round a misunderstanding / Lanie throwing me under the bus just because I said I hadn’t spoken to Nyx and Captain really set me up in a weird spot so I had to get rid of Lanie and then she said we all suck (imagine being almost 30 and telling someone who is your students age that they suck! I get it really is terrible to be blindsided but it was her fault, she played too fast! Like yell at me for not communicating properly or whatever she believed I did at that point but don’t take it out on everyone especially like the youngest player in the game!) Anyway, this round is sequester so we are all back together! I finally get to play with Daisy! I love her so much so I’m super glad we got to play, I’m very glad I get to reunite with Lindsay, I’m glad William isn’t mad at me for the whole Lanie situation and now I’m safe for the first vote! It is a very good feeling but I also feel like I should be learning from Lanie’s mistake and playing not fast so I’m trying to take a step back from talking in the house chat. I’m just so excited to see everyone but I will try to contain myself so I don’t annoy anyone. Check back in later in the round!!!

BLAKE

I forget the questions omg but I had a call with Jarod where he kinda threw out wyatts name as an option to go, and honestly I’m completely fine with that because even though they seem super sweet, I feel like I’m juggling enough balls and I don’t need to add them into my mix, whereas I feel a lot better about every other nominee other than Kaleigh, who I don’t think anybody would do this early My strategy is to just campaign for myself to stay to everybody and avoid throwing out names. I’m hoping that comes from Jarod or one of the safe people because they literally have the safety to get away with it 

XAVIER

I like video confessionals. The only alliance of 4 should be Greenhouse

CAPTAIN

hello dr.. so i'm glad i got saved by jarod :pleading_face: he rlly said i'm gonna make captain safe no matter what happens. and thats exactly what he did :100: for ppl who are vulnerable, i want autumn, jarod and xavier to be safe the most like idc i just want 3 of them to be safe. xavier might be in a bit of trouble tho since the totem pole ppl are voting together for sure hmmm so i need to try to talk to them to sway them from voting xavier. for the plans to avoid battle match? idk i just want them to feel safe around me no matter what. so that if i end up voting them, they're not gonna be bitter at me that much. and i lowkey saved myself with wyatt since wyatt said they wanted to work with me so prays.

__________

also, i secured an alliance with jarod, autumn and jennet. and a greenhouse alliance with mario, nyx and xavier. the latter hasn't been in the talk like with every greenhouse yet but xavier brought it up to me and i think that it should be great. so fingers crossed!

WILLIAM

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO, going into Round 2 im having a really big struggle..... im seeing  THAT I DONT DISLIKE A SINGLE PERSON ON THIS CAST, USUALLY THERE IS AT LEAST ONE BUT NOPE    Also we are moving into a Sequester sorta semi safety chain with half vulnerable and half safe cast and lucky me I think Lanie either hated me the most or the least from our Survivor team and decided to give me the Karma twist which gave me safety for the round but made me have to pick the first unsafe out of the whole cast. I think my strategy was to pick someone who didn't talk to me yet (so i had a reason) as well as someone who was sorta loved by most if not all and wasn't a target for it, because I'm thinking if I just fade into the background this round no one would have a need or want to pick me for the Battlematch, i think its safe to assume whoever goes home will pick the person who made them unsafe plus like one other person, so i just have to avoid being that other 1/13 people. As for the vote i have no clue at all, I think maybe Isaac cause i haven't said much to him at all, or maybe Jarod cause i know he is hella busy and prob wont pick me to go into battle..... just not Wyatt or Blake or Kaleigh rn.  So like yeah, just gonna pray, not talk around too too much, let people come to me so it doesnt seem like im pushing anyones name and hopefully vote someone i dont love out. yeah so much fun xoxo William F

NYX

So, this round is pretty confusing and difficult to navigate cause not only do we have to vote someone out we have to vote someone out and hope they don't drag us into the battleback. I'm very happy to be safe for the vote since at least then i'll have a chance to battleback in a comp. So, for this vote I can't vote Autumn since she gave me safety, I can't vote Jarod since he took one for the team, I can't vote Xavier cause of the gh alliance, I can't vote Blake due to our bonding on tau ceti, so my only real options for this vote are Isaac, Wyatt, and Kaleigh. If I had my way i'd just pile the votes on wyatt and get them out now but it's not that easy because i haven't talked as much and they could see that as incentive to drag me in. Of course all the people I just mentioned I don't wanna vote for I wanna save because that means they'll be willing to work with me to some capacity. To avoid the battle match is the hardest part cause people can be very impulsive with their decisions and heat of the moment always catches people off guard. My best bet is just not to make too many promises and to just tell the truth and hopefully that'll be enough to gain their respect. 

CAPTAIN

besties.. i don't know what i'm doing. its between wyatt and kaleigh methinks but wyatt keeps dropping my name everywhere and i don't really like it. idk if they get eliminated, if they would put me in the battle or not. but like if they're this messy, i'm voting them for sure. also sobs kaleigh is so cute.

__________

prays for me DR! sign: captain.

LINDSAY

bro no one wants to throw out a name because of the battle drag twist so it's three hours to tribal and i dont know who the fuck to vote my gut is telling me jarod but i am absolutely not letting jarod drag that shit back to me definitely not autumn i dont know like. i'm working the tightest with william, daisy and wyatt weirdly enough and none of us have heard anything so i just. ?????

MARIO

I AM SAFE!!! I AM NOT SECOND BOOT AGAIN

AUTUMN

IT WONT LET ME PUT AUDIO FILES IN!!! But when Monty puts them all together later this season I hope yall enjoy haha

XAVIER

Ok this vote is messy. It started out with Jarod and the Sequester group wanting to vote Kaleigh. They got people on board, and it looked good. Until Wyatt made that alliance chat. And of course the vote shifted to Isaac. But the Sequester group won't vote Isaac. Mario voted Autumn. Captain voted Wyatt. I am voting Kaleigh because I haven't spoken to her much. But I want the vote to go Isaac's way - it breaks up Sequester, and he won't think it was me, so safe from the battle. So it may be 5 on Kaleigh, unless the other people in that Alliance chat are not being honest as well. Ha ha. As long as it's not me, right?!

LINDSAY

wyatt made a voting block?? and didn't include me?? the person with no connection to isaac who they kept safe and would have probably voted with them???? wh ok i guess my vote is on wyatt tonight tf 

NYX

So, this round is a clusterfuck of scrambling cause no one wants to get pulled into the battleback and potentially lose there. I just don't wanna go home even earlier than last time because my game has just been so much better and to lose it this way would be fucking devastating. i just want to win so badly so im just hoping i can maneuver this right

LINDSAY

"you know that this is anonymous right" DAISY HELP NO I DIDNT FUCK OK I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING WHAT IS HAPPENING WHERE AM I

XAVIER

WHAT JUST HAPPENED. I know Captain voted for Wyatt. Maybe Captain is more influential than I thought? Why did people flip? Because of the alliance chat? It was too much? And why wasn't I included in the flip vote? Agh. Time to make my own rules here.

__________

I am still shookt 

DAISY