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frostironfudge · 2 years

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Silhouettes In the Spotlight - Bucky Barnes - Eleven

Summary: Bucky Barnes has worked immensely hard to have a filmography expanding across genres and garnering accolades from critics, peers and fans. Y/N Y/L/N, with her debut novel (fan-fiction turned New York Times Bestseller) has two other best sellers under her belt. Next is her highly anticipated fourth book lined up for release. SHEILD Productions has acquired the film rights to her debut novel and they want Bucky Barnes to play the lead (aka himself) by any means necessary. This story is about angst, lust, heartbreak, and love. After all fairytales only exist in books and movies right?

Warnings: angst, swearing, it continues discussion of the non consensual things that occurred in the previous chapter also assault of other characters is discussed, where in they describe what they went through at the hands of the same abuser, forced drug use, manipulation, please proceed with caution while reading, minors dni, the first scene describes another person going through a similar ordeal but nothing explicitly described, there is fluff in the chapter too.

Pairing: Actor!Bucky Barnes x Plus Size!Fem!Reader

Word Count: 7.6k || Dividers: @firefly-graphics

Main Masterlist || Fic Masterlist || AO3

Chapter Ten|| Chapter Twelve

HEADLINES:

HYDRA Launches Media Outlet – Print and Digital ‘HYDRA Now’

Alexander Pierce Elated To Be Involved In Delivering News In A Robust Honest Way

Ratings For ‘HYDRA Now’ On Uprise Compared To Other Outlets

Meet Sharon Carter Struggling Actress Turned Assistant Turned News Anchor.

‘Alexander Pierce Is The Most Kind, Noble Man.’ Gushes Sharon Carter.

Former SHIELD Employees Quit. Struggle To Find Jobs Elsewhere.

Brock Rumlow On GQ Cover Speaks On ‘How His Uncle Gave Him The Platform But He Forged His Own Tools For Success.’

The white little pill bubbles as it is poured into the golden liquid. Sloshing in the glass carried over to eager lips.

Brock watches as Alexander quells his thirst, the pictures being taken. When his uncle took him in, he went through this safety net.

NDAs and contracts can only do so much for a man being accused. His uncle taught him well. The pictures are placed upon an encrypted drive. Brock seals an envelope writing the author’s address as directed.

This warning would shut Y/N up. Though she had been laying low for the day, not a peep online or any articles about her. Y/N needed a reminder.

“Is it done?” Alexander pushes the woman away from him, she still clambers onto his lap, giggling.

“Oh yeah, this is ready to be dropped off.” Brock gestures to the envelope.

“Good, we need her to be compliant, we cannot have her leave the publishing house. She is one of the biggest authors we have in our roster. HYDRA will rise to be one of the most accomplished and decorated houses of Hollywood.” Alexander takes another sip of his laced drink, humming at the taste.

“I suggest we send Rogers and Barnes a reminder as well. If this woman goes to public, they need to be forced to be on our side.” He clicks his tongue.

“I don’t think they’d pick her over the green in their pockets.” Brock raises a sceptical brow.

“Love makes people do stupid things, Brock. Why do you think I had to get Dolores away from you?” He looks at his nephew, tiredly as if to remind him they have been over this before.

Brock controls his response, just giving a curt nod, “Thank you.”

“Now why don’t you take care of this young lady while I rest.” Alexander stands as the woman falls on the sofa, dazed and laughing at the world swirling around her. He leaves footsteps echoing on the smooth Italian marble.

Brock steps into the office and retrieves the necessary gifts for Barnes and Rogers, heading towards the foyer handing the envelopes to the security who would know what is to be done.

Grabbing the woman he takes her towards the garage, where a taxi waits to take her back to the address they know.

Steve’s hands shake as he spots the envelope left on his doorstep. Immediately he calls Bucky, they used to get these in synchronised timing.

“Did you get one too?” He skips the pleasantries.

Bucky stares at the envelope, swallowing down the lump in his throat, “I did.” He affirms.

“Do you want to come over?” Bucky questions, wanting to sink into the floor.

“Open it together.” Steve agrees, grabbing the envelope and heading back towards the parking lot.

When the line cuts, Bucky does sink to the floor. The ominous envelope was on his doorstep as he returned from your apartment.

He lifted it with his gloves on, placing it on the kitchen island. Alpine keeps her distance as well from the envelope as though knowing it holds the vile shit that he was put through.

Bucky’s phone rings and he looks down at your picture overtaking his screen.

“Feather.” He finally breathes, you sniffle.

“What's wrong?” He sits up, spine straightening as dread fills him.

“After, after you left, there was a knock.” You recount as the pictures fall onto your bed from your hands.

“James it’s, it’s the pictures from, from… that night.” you close your eyes, hot tears brimming over. Scalding your cheeks.

Bucky stands, shoving his envelope into a bag, putting the harness on alpine and her lead.

“Put them back in the envelope and don’t look at them. I’m heading over, Steve will be there too, is there a thumb drive?” Bucky’s question has your chest clenching in pain. He’s been through this before is a sickening realisation.

“How many times has he done this to you?” You ask, hating the way he’s silent.

“Feather, I don’t want to add onto—,”

“James.” You plead.

“It’s more than counting on your fingers.” His admission burns in his chest and your veins.

“Don’t plug in the thumb drive into your computer, don’t look at the photos anymore okay? I’m on my way over.” He fills the silence as you stare down at your palm, the lines on your hands blurring as more tears form. The call cuts off.

Bucky takes the stairs with Alpine, she senses the urgency and trots down them with ferocity.

He texts Steve to meet at your apartment. The walk to your wing of the complex is quaint, Sam having tipped paps off to be at his “front” gym so they could get peace and quiet.

Entering the code for your building Alpine moves towards the elevators and meows at them. He admires her momentarily then calls for the elevator.

When he texts you to open the door your appearance is still distraught. Bucky wants to whisk you away from everything, your eyes are puffy yet again.

Your bottom lip quivers, then you look down at Alpine, she chirps at you and you lose it all.

Enveloping her in your arms as you cry and she begins her purring to soothe you, Bucky’s embrace joins in after the click of your door, you clutch onto his arm. He kisses the top of your head.

Half an hour later you’re still curled against him on your couch. Steve looks at the pictures with clenched teeth. As the pictures progressed Bucky could hear the conversation matching the images, he had his fists clenched, the vibranium whirred loudly.

Alpine was in your mom’s room napping next to her feet.

They opened their own envelopes, a blank expression masking their faces, the reminders of those blurred nights haunting them.

Bucky worries when you look at the pictures, but your eyes trace over his manipulated youth with sorrow. The women wrapped around young men who thought this was normal. That it was okay to be so lost in the haze of smoke and mirrors. Who didn’t know any better.

You're sick to your stomach when their pictures with Alexander come up. It isn’t staged like yours were, he actually touched them. He forced himself on them.

It worsens when you reach the pictures of them together Alexander caught pictures of both of them in compromising positions with each other.

Steve shifts his blue eyes to you, his lips pressed to a thin line. Mind swirling at what would you think of them. He already was on thin fucking ice with you. He shifts his eyes to Bucky, who is staring at him harbouring the same worry.

“Were the two of you drugged too?” You ask first, heart shuddering in your ears.

“We don’t remember much of those nights.” Steve admits in confirmation, “It won’t matter, the two of us had the whole party boy persona going for us, clubbing, alcohol, recreational relaxing drugs…” he trails off looking to the side.

Your jaw clenches, fists formed on your thighs. You wanted Alexander to pay, you wanted him to rot in the depths of hell.

“He told us, if pictures of Steve and I got out, it would hurt our reputations, the comments, losing our main fanbase of women, the dark party prince and the fun times maestro.” Bucky points at himself then Steve, “We remember flashes, him pushing me down. Forcing himself on us, I remember him saying, whoever gets him off better gets the better role.”

Your eyes close, bile rising to your throat at the vile shit the two of them were put through.

“But we got smarter after a while, our contracts got better at protecting us, we stopped drinking what he gave, and carried our own mini bottles.” He sighs, the torment flashing through his eyes.

“We didn’t even realise we were fooling around, too far gone into the happy drugs and new money.” Steve gives a humourless laugh, “The fans picked up on our behaviour changes, we got less interactive, interviews were clipped. I almost checked into a mental health facility.”

Your lips part, “Why didn’t you?”

“Golden boy goes to rehab.” Bucky shakes his head, “How will it look? The best of the best, crippled by his own mind?” He quotes the old headlines.

“Dark prince of partying spotted outside a prominent mental health clinic – is he losing his edge?” Steve quotes too.

They exchange a glance.

“It went to shit at the movie during which I lost my arm.” Bucky explains, “We both wanted to quit.” He admits.

“We even had contingency money arranged between us, brand deals, we worked ourselves to the bone.” Steve sighs, “Any show, any advert, any movie, we didn’t care, we just wanted out. Wanting out meant paying off SHIELD. Essentially buying our freedom.”

“Then the fights happened between us when stress got too much, I told him he needs a breather.” Bucky runs a hand through his hair, “He was working himself to the bone, stunts were sloppy.”

“It was a buddy cop movie, think sort of Rush Hour. Alexander pushed us to do our own stunts, so we trained like mad. Best shape of our lives. Bucky was right, I was exhausted. Hopped up on caffeine to stay awake and prescribed sleeping pills to make me sleep.” Steve shakes his head, then gives another laugh,

“This fucker was doing the same thing.” he points his index finger to Bucky, your eyes follow the movement.

“Asshole figured it out, he still was out of it that day. The stunt was his, but we told the director it made sense I’d do it. Alexander wasn’t there that day of the shoot. We know now that it was predestined to go wrong, as per what he said.” Bucky swallows, vibranium fingers flexing and gleaming in the sunlight through the blinds.

“Everything crumbled, I tried to be there, then we fought more, none of us could get out. Alexander came then, saying I should go to Hydrangeas, they turned my image from party boy to serious guy. Bucky lost out two and half years of work and life. Things soured.” Steve extends his head back against the headrest, closing his eyes.

“Best friends to enemies, he wrote in the book. Divulged shit I trusted him with, SHIELD had a field day throwing me out putting him on a pedestal and then bringing me back. Full sleeves and gloves. Other production houses just made being an amputee into the storyline. Or they would make digital alterations.” Bucky reached for your hand, tracing over the bandaged index finger.

“We could say nothing, do nothing. Unspoken promise was we’d save anyone else from this bullshit, I warned Loki not to sign on as a resident SHIELD creative.” He adds.

“I warned Ace when they asked while working together on Defending Jacob.” Steve traces over the calluses on his palm.

“You had already signed on, I couldn’t protect you. I thought pushing you away was the key. So I kept my distance, but I couldn’t help myself to be selfish to steal a place within your heart.” Bucky admits with a smile.

“I wanted to piss you off enough that you’d refuse working on the project. Valarie told me you had yet to sign, I didn’t know you already had. Combined with the fact that the two of you were falling in love. Chemistry in elevators off the charts.” Steve rolls his eyes.

Your skin heats recalling the stolen moments.

“Dickhead.” Bucky throws the pillow.

“Asshole.” Steve throws it back.

“Jerk.”

“Punk.”

You laugh at their banter, the two of them smile at you. Elated at seeing you crack a smile.

Bucky presses a soft kiss to your temple. Steve continues to smile at you.

Your phone rings and it’s Andy’s text, you look at Bucky and then Steve. The former holds your hand and the latter walks around sitting next to you to offer his support.

Andy: we’ve got your tox screen result back and other test results, please let me know a convenient time to set up a meeting again. We will meet at any location you deem comfortable.

Steve and Bucky look at you. Bucky rubs his thumb over the back of your hand. Steve hesitates before placing his hand on your shoulder.

You only freeze momentarily before realising the person is familiar and safe.

“I’m sorry.” he begins to retract his hand, you place your palm above his, it had only been twenty four hours but you knew you had to begin to get through this before your mind got the best of you.

“Steve, you're a friend and you feel safe.” You assure him. He gazes at you then it flickers to Bucky. It is only then he notices that Bucky is worried too, he only touches you when you initiate contact.

You were on a time limit you feared, so you were trying to remind yourself, who were your safe people. Who you could run towards incase of adversity.

You looked up at Bucky to find his gaze already upon you.

“It won’t happen.” He says with such sincere surety, reading your mind.

You believe him.

You had to believe him.

Turns out when the FBI is involved, you can’t meet wherever you want. Andy is still apologetic, you brush off his look with your own understanding one.

Steve still glares at his brother on your behalf. You roll your eyes then you realise Bucky is glaring at Andy too.

“Will you both stop it?” You whisper.

The camera in the corner seemed daunting. They don’t relent. You suppress another eye roll and look at Andy apologetic on behalf of the two of them.

Matt moves his hands over the book in front of him, lips moving barely as he reads.

The door clicks open, two agents walk in one wearing glasses, her curls looking amazing and suit tailored perfectly. She exudes badass energy.

The man accompanying her is slightly taller, crows feet line around his eyes as he smiles kindly at everyone. His suit slightly dishevelled and he takes another sip from his coffee cup before placing down the manila folders on the table.

“Hello Ms. Y/N Y/L/N, I am Special Agent Darcy Lewis this is my partner,” he gestures towards him, he waves,

“Special Agent Scott Lang.” He puts his hand forward and you shake it and he moves towards Bucky and Steve also shaking their hands.

“Executive Assistant Director of Criminal Investigation.” Andy adds, pointing at Darcy, she smiles.

“She’s trying to be humble, Andy.” Matt chuckles, Darcy laughs.

“Yes, yes I am.” She takes a seat and you feel at ease at her demeanour.

“Now, Ms. Y/L/N, is there anyone in this room you want gone? We are about to discuss your case in detail, in case you don’t want someone here to know or see we can have them escorted outside.” She looks at Bucky and Steve. They only look at you.

“They can stay, I trust them.” You declare, Yelena had decided to remain outside before you could even ask her to come in.

Loki was going to be questioned when he came in later, already having Bucky and Steve here was enough to draw attention.

Darcy goes through the folders set down by Scott, humming when she reaches the one she desired.

“Some of these images may be disturbing, they may remind you of what occurred and what you went through. Gentlemen, these may be triggering for you as well. We have a clinical psychologist on standby, please do not hesitate to let us know.” She offers a small smile, the three of you nod.

Spreading the images out, you feel the wave of nausea. It isn’t the same pictures as Alexander had sent, these are the ones Dr. Cho took, of your injuries.

Bruised back, cheek bone, and wrists.

Cut along the bruise on your cheekbone.

Bite marks on your shoulder. Indents of his teeth.

You shudder, reaching for their hands. Steve and Bucky grasp your hand each.

Then the picture of the broken skin along your tattoo.

Bucky’s gaze hardens and jaw visibly clenches harder, his hold on your hand remains soft, caring, a stark contrast to the rage within him.

“Now, do you remember how you got any of these?” Darcy breaks the silence.

You reach forward tapping the wrists and cheekbone and tattoo’s images.

“I remember bits and pieces, I don’t know why. I know Alexander slapped me or backhanded me several times. It was a mix to get me to comply. Brock held down my wrists first because I was moving too much? Then I felt sort of numb? We were on the ground when he took my fingers in his mouth, while he was threatening James and Steve.” Your grip on their palms tightens.

“It's okay, I know it is hard and you’re doing really well.” Scott gives you an encouraging smile, “We’ll help you understand why your memory feels that way.”

He takes out another paper from a different folder.

“This is your blood report, you were administered with a sedative, but you were given a conscious sedation. The water tested came back positive for Rohypnol,” scott concludes.

Bucky closes his eyes, “He planned it all didn’t he?”

“Of course he did, he wanted to cover all fucking bases.” Steve seethes, his gaze flickers to Andy as he notes down further points to have their case remain stronger.

“The drug laced water caused your initial bout of delirium, you couldn’t walk properly, the dizziness you reported. Your memory gaps are likely because of it.” Darcy explains looking right at you.

Scott gestures to the picture of your right forearm, two small puncture wounds.

“We also found a mix of other sedatives and drugs in your system, which explains the puncture wounds caused by injections. Likely the ones that caused your physical movements to shut down to get you to comply.” Scott taps the paper where the complicated drug name is written.

“Are you having any symptoms?” He looks up from the paper.

“Nausea, I threw up a few times last night… Sleep isn't that great either but it hardly has been since the past few weeks.” You shrug, “I can’t stomach heavy food yet, soup and crackers or toast is the way right now, nothing too um cheesy, Bucky tried giving me ice cream, it’s a thing we do on hard days… I cried when I couldn’t stomach that either.” you wince.

Bucky nods, the memory flashing in his mind he thought you were crying out of panic but the tears came about because a comfort moment you shared with him was ruined. He assured you, he said it would be okay the two of you would be eating ice cream in no time as he held you.

“Understandable it’s been under forty eight hours still, that should pass but it’s better you progress with food over another two days.” Darcy collects the images back, tucking them into the folder.

Andy places three envelopes on the table, the two agents look at him.

“They received gifts.” He gestures with his head to the envelopes.

“Simultaneously, this morning at around eleven.” Matt adds, he tilts his head as they put on gloves and go through the pictures.

Darcy looks up at Steve and Bucky.

“You realise these implicate the two of you for illegal substance abuse.” She quirks a brow.

“We were hoping in exchange for this further evidence to take down our favourite Hollywood biggie, we work out a deal for my clients.” Matt provides a charming smile when Darcy gives an exasperated sigh her eyes narrow into a mini glare.

“Now, Agent Lewis, I am playing nice and not the devil.” Matt quips, still smug.

“What are you proposing?” She twists her lips to one side.

“Full immunity, no charges against them for their substance abuse, yes they were stupid using these drugs before but a major part of it was forced.” Andy places the demand.

Scott shakes his head, “How do you both still face this asshole?”

“With a shit tonne of hatred.” Steve says.

“Massive self restraint.” Bucky adds.

“Put this into processing.” Darcy moves the envelopes towards Scott, he produces a larger evidence bag from his jacket.

“I dabble in magic.” Scott chuckles seeing your surprise.

“That's cool.” You say amused, he flicks his wrist and a flower appears, he hands it to you. You laugh.

“My daughter loves it when I have tricks up my sleeve.” Scott grins as you give a chuckle, “Only she has the best sense of humour.”

Steve rolls his eyes, Andy kicks him from under the table, the two brothers scowl at each other.

Bucky catches the exchange, he only smiles looking at the smile gracing your features.

“I can offer no charges, I, however, require full cooperation.” Darcy looks at everyone, “This case is high stakes, I want this man behind bars as much as you. If you have secrets, know they will come out since we will pry into everything.” She warns.

“You do what you need to, I don’t care if I have to spy on him for you.” Bucky leans forward, “He took from me, I’m not letting him take from her or take her away.” His voice is laced with emotion despite the cold front he’s putting up.

“I appreciate the sentiment, Mr. Barnes. However, this doesn’t work easily like the movies.” Darcy taps the table, “He’s declared to harm the two of you in case Y/N blows the whistle on him. Her case is as sensitive as yours, she’s unfortunately got more to lose than a man. Your need for vengeance and justice is understood and felt. He’s a vile man. My team and I will not rest till we get him.”

“If I may?” Matt requests the floor.

“By all means.” Darcy offers the floor.

“I understand the emotional response. I truly do, Agent Lewis is correct in heeding you both not to react emotionally.” Matt’s opened palm gestures to Steve and Bucky.

Both of them scowl.

“You need to understand, if this goes south, if he catches a whiff. There is no prediction of his reaction and how severe it will be.” He concludes.

“Which means no disrespectful comments or egging him on, or any of the other stupidity.” Andy looks at his brother then Bucky.

They nod.

“It applies to you too, Y/N.” Andy turns his gaze to you, it’s softer almost reminding you of Steve’s gaze.

You nod, “Understood.”

“He may ask you to do things for him, to blackmail you. Remember to record these conversations. The state of New York allows recording conversations if one party is consenting.” Darcy informs you.

“Preferably record videos so it proves you are not tampering with evidence.” Scott adds.

You look towards Andy and Matt.

“It’s our best effort to pin blackmail on him.” Matt purses his lips then sighs, “I know you may not agree, you may want to retaliate but know that he is serious about these threats.”

Matt’s words leave a sour taste in Steve’s mouth. He knew first hand Alexander’s warnings should be heeded.

“We’ll comply.” He says, looking at you and Bucky, “We have to keep her safe.”

“We’re doing this for her.” Bucky’s words have you feeling some type of way.

“And for yourselves.” You remind him.

Steve gives you a half hearted smile, Bucky only looks down at your bandaged hand.

You’re exhausted as you lay in your bed. They made you recount the whole ordeal again. Your fingertips brush over your cheeks, how do you still have tears left? The night was restless; you wondered if asking Bucky to stay over would have helped.

Sighing you make your way to your door then your mum's, you smile seeing her asleep. No marker’s of pain on her face.

Grabbing your laptop you make your way to the hall then pause blinking at the people sitting and grinning at you.

Loki, Ace, Steve, Yelena, Natasha, Angel, Sam and Bucky.

The small table is covered with food, different take out boxes and soda cans, and a laptop is connected to the TV. Brooklyn Nine Nine is lined up to play. You look from the screen to them, tears brimming your eyes.

“I love you all.” You set your laptop down, they all lunge forward enveloping you in a group hug.

“We love you too.” Yelena smiles, you beam brightly at her.

The group settles into a comfortable rhythm, soft laughter, food being shared. You’re sitting between Yelena and Ace. Loki and Bucky joking around, Steve laughing at their antics. He’s still getting used to Loki being hot and cold but he knows he deserves it.

When the call button chimes, Natasha and you help your mom on to her wheelchair and bring her out. Bucky switches out to Nailed It pressing play. They fill her plate with food that isn’t spicy and take turns helping her eat.

You end up taking so many pictures, your heart full as well as your belly. It’s unsaid but you can feel the love of this small family you’ve found amidst the chaos.

Your mother meets your gaze after she looks at everyone laughing along the episode. Dessert was eaten and now a comfortable silence envelopes only broken by the laughter and occasional joke.

She gives you a beaming smile. Her hand reaches for yours, you grasp it between both of yours, it’s warm, you smile.

“I used to worry, of how I could leave you all alone.” She says misty eyed, you’re about to protest, but she stops you by raising her other hand.

“I used to, then I worried more after your dad’s accident.” She continues then looks around the room once again. Everyone meets her gaze, Steve pauses the episode.

“I see now though you’ve found a family for yourself.” She smiles, “I don’t need to worry anymore.”

“We’ll take care of her.” Natasha says, the others nod in agreement.

“I know you will, and she will take care of you when you need her too.” Your mother smiles, running her palm over your head.

“She takes care of us all already.” Bucky admits, “You’ve raised her so well.” he praises making her smile.

“You do realise that makes us all your kids right?” Loki grins cheekily. Steve nods, “I agree.”

“I do think you’re the best mom.” Ace adds, grinning.

“Yelena and I can have the papers drafted.” Natasha laughs when you shoot her a look.

“Oh don’t worry she won’t adopt Bucky.” She teases you, Bucky’s cheeks tinge pink.

“Nat.” He groans as everyone laughs at his expense, he meets your eyes from across the room.

“We’ll make her your mom in some way.” You tease him, hinting at the future you do see.

“I love you.” He says, making your own cheeks warm.

“I love you too.” You say to him.

Everyone coos at the two of you.

@/godofmischief: [uploads story to instagram]

[story deleted]

@/lokiismybabie: HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK @/ithinkimetbucky LOOK WHAT LOKI UPLOADED THEN DELETED HOLY SHIT.

[ attached screenshot, image from Y/N’s house, Angel, Sam, Loki, Bucky, Y/N, her Mother, Steve, Yelena, Natasha gathered around the couch, smiling at the camera, captioned: ‘we all got adopted today – found family’ ]

@/ithinkimetbucky: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD THEY ALL ARE FRIENDS AND HOLY SHIT BUCKY AND Y/N ARE SO CUTE HER HEAD RESTING ON HIS SHOULDER– @/buckymademelikebooks GET ONLINE NOW

@/buckymademelikebooks: HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT WAIT IS THAT A CUT ON HER CHEEK OH FUCK?

@/buckymademelikebooksmore: guys my account was deleted @/ithinkimetbucky where did the tweets go?

@/ithinkimetbucky: @/buckymademelikebooksmore girl get on IG DMs lemme explain there what we’re theorising

@.y/nwrites: hi guys, i know there was a picture uploaded by loki it was supposed to be on his private instagram stories and we’ve all been there with the wrong upload lol. The reason I'm coming on is because several people are speculating about several things and I just want to clear up a few things:

A. I got into a little mishap on the stairs of my apartment complex which led to my injuries, I've been told to rest for recovery. No broken bones so that is great,

B. My found family is taking care of me and mom and we’re so thankful for them,

C. Also thank you to my readers and everyone who messaged to check in on me i’m so thankful for you all as well and as a treat I wanted to release Rhys’ extended point of view of planning the recreation of their first date night together in the same place (basically how he got the flowers) so check your inboxes a link should be there and if not you can sign up to gain exclusive access!

Thank you, I love you all!!!!!!!

@/ithinkimetbucky: @/buckymademelikebooksmore so guess the theory was wrong…

@/buckymademelikebooksmore: i’m so glad she’s okay and has people taking care of her, was so worried sick!

@/buckymademelikebooks: woohoo my account was reinstated!!!!!!!!!

HEADLINES:

Dolores Back In The Cast Of ITIMYIMDO!

Author Y/N Spotted Outside Since Bombshell Announcement to Support Dolores’ Return

Fans Not Happy About Return Start Petition On Website Again!

Natasha Romanoff and Y/N Y/L/N Spotted Arguing Outside SHIELD Building, The Director Leaves The Author In Tears.

Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers Come Together For Charity Marathon, Seems Being Found Family Of Y/N Mended The Friendship.

A.N.: i missed you all! i hope to be more regular in updating, please let me know what you think!

Taglist is Open comment or DM to be added!

Taglist: @stevesmewmew @elle14-blog1 @crazyunsexycool @sebsgirl71479 @pandaxnienke @slutforsexyseabass @eclecticpatrolroadlawyer @pandaxnienke @vampire7595

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minimalist-language-learning · 5 months

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April roundup — Russian

Another month is over! Here are my Russian learning activities in April:

Anki

I kept reviewing the Russian starter deck and the Ru15K deck (see my previous posts for more details). But I also started my own sentence deck. I’m currently adding sentences mostly from Animal Crossing that contain only one unknown word. I decided to focus on Animal Crossing for a while until I can understand most dialogues more easily. (They are surprisingly difficult at my current level. XD)

Assimil

This month I did lesson 11 - 36. After reaching lesson 36, I started to review older lessons. At some point, I noticed that the lessons became more challenging so I think I should spend a bit more time reviewing new lessons before moving on. Reviewing old ones will also help.

(YouTube) Comprehensible Russian: Beginner 1

I kept watching videos from this playlist. I'm currently at video 31. I like it when there are several videos about a certain topic instead of a different topic in every video. This way, certain words are repeated more often and I can learn more about this topic. Some of them are really interesting.

(YouTube) In Russian From Afar - Beginner Videos A1

I only watched one video so far. He tells children stories and draws on a white board while speaking to make understanding easier (similar to Inna from Comprehensible Russian). Russian subtitles are available. I try to understand as much as I can without reading the subtitles in Russian but if in doubt I can check what he said. The first video I watched was very easy to understand, though.

(YouTube) Inhale Russian

Similar to the beginner videos from Comprehensible Russian, just a bit more "modern“ and efficient and Russian subtitles are available. Instead of drawing, he already prepared all pictures on his computer so that he only needs to point at them during his speech. I like Inna’s drawings from Comprehensible Russian, but the use of photos and graphics makes understanding the meaning easier and faster in my opinion.

However, he speaks veeery calm. Almost monotonous even. Maybe he speaks like this to make it easier for beginners? Personally, I don’t think it’s necessary to speak that calm. A little bit more emotions and personality would make the video more engaging. If someone talks too monotonous, I tend to zone out (my mind starts to wander). This makes it more difficult to stay focused which is not helpful if you want to learn something.

Short Stories in Russian for intermediate (by Olly Richards)

I finished this graded reader! I read the e-book version. This book is aimed at intermediate learners so it’s noticeably more difficult than the beginner book. But it’s still easier than the novel I started (which is aimed at native speakers). By looking up every word I noticed a few small errors in the text (like a wrong letter or an additional letter for example). It’s not a big deal but learners should keep that in mind.

I don’t know if it’s because the level of difficulty was higher but somehow these stories gave me a weird feeling. They were not really my cup of tea. I liked the stories of the beginner book much more. Nevertheless, I learned a lot.

Две встречи в Париже

This book contains two stories. I already read chapter 1 of Медовый месяц в Париже so I continued with chapter 2.

Animal Crossing

I continued playing Animal Crossing. I’m using Google Translate to digitalize the text from the game, then I look up words and safe the text for later review. I'm currently using this material to create sentence cards (like I mentioned above).

Метро 2033

I couldn’t wait any longer. XD I started to read chapter 1. Tons of new words, but since I know the video game I’m not completely lost. I have at least a vague idea what awaits me. I’m very curious about the book!

Stranger Things

I watched the first episode of Stranger Things in Russian on Netflix. I turned off the Russian subtitles because most of the time they don't match with the audio. This is a downside because I can't easily check unknown words. So I'll regard it as pure listening practice. I only understand single words here and there, which is no surprise at my current level, but that’s okay.

Maybe it's a bit early but I prefer to mix easier content (aimed at language learners) and difficult content (aimed at native speakers) instead of listen to learner content only. More variety not only makes the learning process more fun and interesting but this will also help me to familiarize myself to native level content. It will take a lot of time time to get accustomed to content aimed at native speakers so I start early.

Plus, watching (or reading) difficult but interesting content is also a great motivation booster. Understanding interesting series and books is my main reason to learn the language. It's very hard right now, but as long as I keep going it will get easier over time.

#langblr #languagelearning #languageblr #self study #language learning #learning russian #russian language #russian langblr #russian novel #graded reader #graded reader russian

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joyce-stick · 2 years

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Audrey's Best Girls Winter 2023

youtube

Video of recommendations of girls (And media) which halfway through turned into a Bocchi the Rock video essay.

Transcript under the cut.

Previous video essay/transcript: Adachi and Shimamura's Second Season

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If you enjoy this essay, please consider following us here or on any other platforms, and/or donating to support future works via our Patreon or Ko-fi.

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Hello everyone, it’s Audrey. So, it’s been some time, I was writing a script about problematic things, and then Joyce came along and started a separate script about things we had to recommend. I finished that script, and the end result of this process was a great incoherent mess, so I’m taking it from the top.

First thing we have to talk about today is Moonshine!~

Moonshine is a doujin visual novel produced by the now seemingly dissolved doujin circle Sakura Mint, whose origins I don’t have the resources nor Japanese language knowledge to trace any information about. It was released in 2007, and then translated to English in 2008, and, quite frankly, the fact that a freely available English translation exists for easy online downloading is a goddamn miracle. It’s really short, like, about an hour, or two if you’re slow like we are. Nonetheless, this VN made us cry like a little baby child. The reason for that being, it’s about a trans girl. And the other reason for that being, it’s about a trans girl falling in love with a gender ambiguous main protagonist who is, well, gosh, really.

This is a really raw and emotionally powerful little story with a really strong theme of how to move on with your life. From a life where you didn’t belong or weren’t loved, or from a life that you love but that can’t follow you, and how either can be equally painful, how change is always painful, even if it truly is for the better, and it’s just a whole lot of feelings. A story that made us cry this much needs to be read. The English version is available freely, it’s only a bit of time, and it’s very well worth it. You might need to fuck around with your graphics settings to get it to display in proper 4 by 3 if you want to play it in fullscreen without it stretching to 16 by 9, but still, very very worth it. Probably one of the best pieces of queer fiction that we’ve ever read, and the fact that it got translated the year after its release is incredible.

It also has a sequel, called Tsugi no Terasu, which is probably not called “Sunshine” in English because that’s not what the kanji means. This sequel never got any sort of digital release either officially or otherwise and it looks as if the doujin group that made it has long disbanded given that the web domain name they used to occupy is now populated by casino advertisements, sooo all their work is probably just kind of, gone, unfortunately. As is often the case when independently produced niche media exists and no one is doing any work to preserve it. These things just sort of go and vanish.

Unless it hasn’t vanished, and someone does care! Like, I dunno, the girl reading this. I dunno about y’all, but I’d prefer that this thirteen year old VN that’s a sequel to a sixteen year old VN about a trans girl gets to be read, by someone, and hopefully continue to exist, and not evaporate into the mists of time. Sure, we can’t read it, but, details details. We’ll learn! How to read. I hope.

So I found a copy of Tsugi no Terasu for sale on akibaoo. Presumably this copy’s used, and there’s no guarantee it’ll work with our computer, or that it won’t be scratched to hell, but hey, you have to take some chances sometime in life. So, I bought it, with a portion of our, uh, meager, monthly Patreon earnings, so that we can collect it and take some form of action to preserve it in some form. Because this is what we’re supposed to do. I know we don’t have that much money, I know we’re probably going to have to eat a lot of rice for another month, but, what the hell, are we doing this youtube shit for, if not this shit? And I for one, am tired of watching hazel do all the awesome Japanese media preservation actions. I would like to have some of that glory! Somehow.

And that’s the thing.

So if you’d like to support the thing, that is to say, acquiring and assessing niche subcultural Japanese media so that we can talk about it and maybe help make it accessible to other people, and making video essays about these exploits and our emotional discoveries from them, or whatever else we do, which all apparently comes ahead of eating a proper diet because we’re insane… then please, please, donate money to us via Ko-fi, Patreon, or whatever. You will be rewarded in some way, I assure you, unless you don’t feel rewarded, and then you won’t.

So here, I’m gonna tell y’all about other interesting content that we’ve had a look at.

Witch from mercury!

Okay so I had a whole thing written about this show. And then I had a whole other thing. And then Joyce simplified that other thing to its base components. And I don’t feel like summarizing what she said about what I said. But really I just think you should look at the tweet I wrote. Which says,

“So basically this is the story of what'd happen if us talking to girls in our discord chats but we had mechas and were all caught in the middle of corporate/government space politics-wars-ing

“I’m sorry”

And also,

Suletta didn’t do anything wrong.

I’ve thought about this quite a long time, and others have kind of said it more succinctly, but I think that Suletta made, not the best decision, but a reasonable decision in this circumstance, to protect her fiancee from the guy pointing a gun at her.

I think the appropriate thing to do then would have been to emerge from Aerial apologizing profusely for the traumatic experience that Miorine just had of watching a dude get killed, instead of what she did do. That would have been the human thing to do. But Suletta didn’t act like a human in this situation because her mom told her that this behavior was a show of emotional strength. And that’s what’s happened here. And that’s interesting, because it plays really well into the story, I think, in showing that the shonen protagonist pluckiness that Suletta was trying to approach her circumstances with, doesn’t really work all of the time! Suletta, the main protagonist of this series, acted the most protagonist like that she’d ever acted in this scene, and it was the most out of character she’d ever acted, and like, gosh, I’m looking forward to seeing how they follow up on this. That’s really what I have to say about that.

Oh and also the show was good.

So yeah, that helped.

How Do We Relationship?

Which I’m going to refer to as Tsukiage, a shortened form of its Japanese title, from here on out.

Tsukiage is a story about lesbians.

And yes, yes, I know, there’s many stories “about lesbians” that I’ve told you about before. No. This isn’t like those. Tsukiage is About Lesbians. Tsukiage is about the experience of being a lesbian in This World, with all its gross bigotry problems. Tsukiage is about the experience of being in a group of heterosexual women and being asked what guys you like, and being unable to answer. Tsukiage is about the experience of being someone you know your parents would hate. Tsukiage is about the experience of being a teenager with no adults to trust in your life, but also about being an adult uncertain if you can trust the other adults in your life, and about the ennui of living isolated in a place you’ll probably never find your way out of, and about,

Tsukiage is about two twenty something lesbians who date each other because they’re the only lesbians they know and they have no idea what else to do, and who are really good at having a lot of sex with each other but are also really bad at dating and even worse at dating on the days when they're really bad at having sex with each other. And they're also both young and both had traumatic high school romance failures because, being a high school student is plenty traumatic in its own ways, and those wounds are still fresh to both of them even if they want to pretend they aren't, and it's bound to follow them still in this town they've lived their whole life in, and it's just a lot of spicy drama about that! I’ve been only three volumes in so far, and Miwa and Saeko are the first main pairing of a yuri manga we've seen to whom I’ve kind of ended up saying “nope”. I don’t get the sense that these two are made for each other in the same sense we got reading Adashima or Yagakimi or Sasakoi. They argue, they bicker, they feel jealous about each other, and about, maybe, 2 thirds of the way through the second volume, I realized I was reading a breakup narrative.

I mean, look at the back covers of the first four volumes. They telegraph it visually!

But also that makes this manga even more compelling for what it’s going for, because, um, conflict is good! And two people not made for each other is damn well better! Just yes, please do try to eventually get these two back together and sell me on this horrible relationship sorting itself. Or don’t, that’s also fine! I’ve not actually got to the chapter where they broke up, because, gosh, and tough, but yeah. And also this is probably the first manga I’ve read that actually shows how school can be traumatic, when it presents a supporting character who was deemed “gifted” in high school but ultimately wasn’t as good as their sibling and then was extremely othered by her family, and just is, generally, awfully maladjusted to, reality, because of the sheltered and overstructured way in which they lived being forced to rank as high as possible on exams, and like, shit! Like, I know Japanese high school is brutal, and it’s a plot point in a lot of anime and all, but this is the one time I can recall offhand when it was actually something that impacted the story and characters outside of a relatively contained studying arc, and it’s probably some of the realest fucking shit I’ve ever read.

Oh, also, um, Tsukiage is really damn funny. Like, the early volumes had me laughing involuntarily so much that I was seriously concerned about attracting noise complaints from others in our living space, or, around, generally? It’s a really good story, the art and faces are really good, the humor is really good and that's pretty damn essential, I think, for a story that deals in such heavy topics. The whole thing is good, so, yeah, read it!

Bad End Theater!

So yeah, I already used this game as b-roll in the Adashima video, so if you watched that, you probably already know that we liked this. And we do. It’s quite good. This game starts with, as Joyce said, *ruffles papers* “an unawakened lesbian is eaten by a demon… and in the next part of the game, the lesbian meets a demon lesbian who wants to eat her in the other way… and in the later part of the game, a reply guy apologizes for replying with violence… or actually replies with violence.”

So anyway this game took us a couple hours to 100% all its Steam achievements. Very short game, very good game, nice little queer vignette about the tragedy of people from different social backgrounds not understanding each other, and then understanding each other, one hopes. It’s not free, but it’s quite good, and easily recommendable! So yeah.

5, Spark the Electric Jester 3!

It’s a Sonic game. It’s basically a Sonic game. It’s much like the earlier game, Spark the Electric Jester 2, which is much like the earlier games Sonic Adventure 2 and Shadow the Hedgehog, the video about which we were going to make is apparently not coming out until it does, because we keep getting distracted by pointless bullshit. The developer of this series is a former developer of Sonic fangames and started with the 2D Spark the Electric Jester 1, which we could not finish because we suck at 2D platformers.

One really interesting thing about this game is how it treats the lives system. Yes, it has one, but only for the final level. I find this super super interesting, because while we were playing the Sonic Adventure titles with a friend of ours, we kinda generally came into the agreement that the lives system of all these games was a mistake. And Sonic Team seems to have agreed, because they, uh, removed it, from Sonic Forces onwards. But Spark 3 puts it back deliberately, only for the final level, and the final level is basically designed to make you lose lives. Not through difficulty, exactly, because while it is difficult, it’s not insurmountable, once you know the lay of the land- but rather, through compounding difficulty by length. Utopia Shelter doesn’t feel exactly like a level, it feels like a whole city. It feels like, I suppose, if at the end of Sonic 06, the whole of Soleanna became a level from which Sonic had to escape- oh, well, I guess that sort of did happen, huh. Sorry, just um…

Sonic 06 is cool? I’m very sorry to say so. It’s a horrible mess, but it also is cool.

Anyway, Spark 3’s acknowledgement of lives as a part of the Sonic Adventure experience feels like, kind of great? Like it doesn’t just go, “oh this part annoyed people, let’s throw it away” it says, no, dying in Final Chase repeatedly and falling out to the main menu is part of this kind of game, let’s just, give the player a chance to experience that, at least once. Let's make this a part of the game, but make it better, by making the level earn it, both by being an awesome level whose difficulty feels contextually justified, and also by being in a game with phenomenal 3D controls and platforming and movement physics where the appeal of such a difficulty modifier isn't spoiled by deaths that don't feel like your fault And it’s done in a way that feels accessible, with the option of going back and just, playing more of the game more, if you feel like you need more lives to endure the stage, but odds are if you’ve done all the optional stages you don’t need that many. I got to the end of Utopia Shelter on my second try, with lives to spare.

And yeah, so, anyway. Spark 3. It’s a really good game. It’s got pretty great level design and a great sense of visual style, really good music, good movement except for those damn cars that glitch and start going sideways all the time… I started just doing the car stages on foot because I couldn’t be bothered. But other than those, great game!

And finally;

Bocchi the Rock!

Okay, so I’m not sure what about Bocchi I can say that isn’t already said by other people but y’know what, fuck it, Molly’s convinced me, I’m gonna tell the weird age gap crush story.

So, when we were like, 16, 17, thereabouts, we were presumed a cis boy, and about six entire feet tall, and because of this, non-attentive viewers would often mistake us for a college-age dude. This factor, alongside the color of our skin and the general, uh, emotional neglect, of our parents, lent itself to our delinquencies, i.e., doing basically whatever the fuck we wanted at the expense of getting verbally and/or physically harassed by our parents who weren’t happy with us doing whatever the fuck we wanted but were slowly giving up after whatever point at which they stopped paying for the therapy that didn’t fix this brain immediately. So it was one night, while we were out of the house, as we usually were, talking to people at a charity event for the community org we volunteered for back then, that we saw her.

That woman who played guitar. Who was, back then, about the age we are right now. Maybe a little bit older.

Don’t think I need to describe her elsewise, really!

We had played guitar, too, once, for several years even. But I think we’d given up on music, like, the year before, after our mom harassing us to practice the “right” way made it not fun for us anymore. Seeing that beautiful, talented, very nice, woman almost made us want to try again. Although, we didn’t, because our mom didn’t want us to ever touch an instrument again unless we were truly serious about trying to make money with it, because those lessons are expensive, and I guess that’s one of the many ways we disappointed her, by ostensibly wasting her money.

But anyway, this woman. She was nice. That’s most of what we remember about her. She was a nice, cool, and to our eyes then, pretty, older woman who felt easy to talk to, and seemed to empathize with our anxieties, as, little of them as we felt comfortable telling, and, we were awkward around here and didn’t say much other than to compliment here and to talk about Edgar Wright’s movies, but like, y’know, she was good. She was good. Remembering how she smiled and how she looked at us like… well, probably the same as she smiled and looked at everyone, but still, it seemed like she liked us, or liked having us around. Although, now, being a performing person, we understand it’s kind of in your best interest to smile at everyone who comes to see a show. But. Yeah.

And we knew we never had a chance with this nice older woman, and that our crush on her was inappropriate, but, still… we still thought about this nice, talented, tall, pretty, interesting woman, and how much we wished we could be closer with her, but alas, and curses, age gaps, strike something again. Our heart, most likely, but maybe something else too.

And you know where this is going, don’t you.

Yeah.

[Kikuri Hiroi, a clip]

Kikuri is far, far more unhinged than that woman. The woman we knew was, uh, hinged, enough, to not drink around the absurdly tall and cute 17 year old that kept coming to her gigs for unknown reasons. Kikuri meanwhile is hardly ever seen without a can of sake nearby. And she’s also a bit more, y’know, open, with Hitori-chan, whose face around Kikuri is constantly a mixture of mild terror and grand astonishment. And, yes, Seika and Kikuri, is definitely, the more appropriate ship, and the one more likely to happen in the actual story, if any explicit lesbianism did happen, which I don't expect it to, but Hitori and Kikuri, in my opinion, is much more compelling, precisely because of how inappropriate it is. There’s just something particularly compelling to us, anyway, in the thought of our dead-in-the-water teenage crush, or something adjacent to it, actually going, someplace. It’s true that had we acted on it in real life, assuming we weren’t just rejected and told to abscond permanently, it’d almost certainly have gone extremely badly, for all the reasons it’d have done that, but, y’know, fiction is meant for exploring those culturally taboo fantasies of these sorts without necessarily needing to consider those unsafe and undesirable consequences. Although… you can, cause that’s conducive to drama.

So anyway, as far as, the actual show, goes, I dunno, I think it’s all pretty clear in this moment. This entire surreal bit with the psychedelic rock concert, where Hitori sees Kuroi reach out to her in this imagined intimate moment and whisk her away through this weird and new aspect of music and life experience that she’s not felt before, and it’s just like… Yeah! Yeah, that’s how it felt to us back then, watching that nice older girl on that stage. It was really kind of nostalgic actually. So, there’s one layer of the appeal of Kikuri’s inclusion in the show, Hitori’s feelings for Kikuri as someone who is a mentor figure and has things to teach her. You could say the thing Kikuri has to teach is music, or, something else, and though Hitori isn't eloquent or brave enough to articulate whatever her crazy teenage feelings are, it's clear she… has some! Which are ambiguous enough that they could be interpreted as just her wanting to be like Kikuri, which was also an aspect of our teenage emotions about our cool guitar woman, or that Kikuri playing in front of her triggered a spicy homosexual awakening! Not wrong either way. Though I think it's both.

And the other layer of the appeal is just… well, Kikuri herself. And our adoration of and relation to Kikuri as not just a stand-in for our teenage age gap crush, but also as a character in our age range who is relatable to us as a young adult who feels similarly to her about life!

I don’t think I need to explain that one, but I will anyway.

Kikuri is an alcoholic.

At some point after we turned 21, when it wasn’t us, but Joyce, Joyce discovered alcohol, during one of the low points in our life when we were unstably housed, and gradually started to rely on it a fair bit more than she should have. For a good year or two there, Joyce was drinking off our ass about once a month, sometimes twice, and y’know, just sort of thinking, who cares. If I die, if I lose, if I go out. Who cares. cause I’m not going to! We only really stopped drinking as much as we did because it started costing money and we started finding ostensibly better ways to hurt ourselves, like buying the disc of an ancient Japanese-only doujin game and telling ourselves it’s media preservation. I don’t think we were ever as much of an addict as Kikuri but, just, watching Kikuri, and watching her ruin her life in, basically the same sort of a way, is extremely relatable and gross and eugh

And the whole gosh contrast of THIS WOMAN being Hitori’s mentor figure who she takes her cues from and then embarrasses herself trying to do it

Is just incredible and perfect and gosh

Both these lovely women are both ruining themselves trying to be cool and likable and awesome, and… SUCCEEDING, because, the… the people LIKE the women, ruining themselves! and it’s beautiful.

I’m sorry, it’s beautiful.

Anyway Bocchi good. Bocchi good.

We've been reading the manga of Bocchi since writing that bit, and I think the Bocchi manga is just, for one thing, somewhat inherently let down by not being an anime and not having songs play in it, but, it's got more humor, at least one more crazy adult, and it's got more happening in it, as there is in every manga, and I really like it.

[I had to transcribe this part because I ad-libbed it. - Audrey]

I also like how it goes about, y’know, putting forth the, general, thesis or idea that, you know um, quote, “Rock Touches People’s hearts, because it’s coming from a loser, but you can’t call it rock if it’s from a successful person” Because that’s a- that’s a statement to make. That’s a statement that I’m kind of into. because we’re very not successful and uh. Seeing characters like Kikuri, and Bocchi, and y’know, and her, underground band, and uh, characters like Aiko, and her… Shady Underground Journalism, and the fact that the manga presents all of them, all of these very unsuccessful women, as cool, because they are cool, and that’s, real, rock!

*giggling lightly* uhhhh ahaha and you know but also *mutters sheepishly* please donate to our patreon- *laughs*

And one thing that I’m, one thing that I, one other thing that I really like about the manga is that it, it focuses so much, it’s like- it’s not so school-centric as a lot of other manga about y’know, music teenagers, tend to be, like- They’re not the light music club! They’re- they’re, a real underground band and you know that’s…

That’s freaking cool! *chuckles* That they are, they are, y’know, actually doing concerts for money, and that’s, y’know, it’s about doing the concerts, for money, and about working with adults who also have been doing concerts for money! and drugs *laughing quietly*

And also the fact that so little of it is set inside the school, like, y’know, th-the one moment where like, th-the online journalist writer who’s just like spotlighting, who’s y’know, writing about bands, and looking for Hitori. And then she goes to the school and she’s just like… Kicked out of the school! Because she’s not- she’s… she’s a creep! Who doesn’t belong! In the school! A-And *laughs* And then y’know, in like, another manga where it’s the light music club that that’d just kind of be where the plot… stops! Where that plot line… stops! But she- But then she finds out that y’know, they don’t perform at school, because they’re not a school band, and then, she… goes to the live house… and advances the plot. And is also a kind of… fucked up, self-interested woman, who tries to… sequester Hitori into… agskjhgdkfhkdhjfdddd because she’s afkhjdhkhf she’s interested in money, and promising more than she’s probably able… able to give, she is……

[trails off laughing]

This- this chapter…! This is- This is a scene where, *hiccup* This is a scene where this woman tries to buy Bocchi, buy Hitori, with the promise of exposure! *laughing* That- That is literally: That is the literal description!

[long pause while Audrey gets herself under control]

Okay, I’m done ad-libbing.

One thing I wanted out of the anime, watching the anime, was to see the group grow and expand to the point where they actually do become a famous and successful band. That's basically what I figured it'd head for since, Hitori is already a successful YouTuber, as YouTubers go, and since Nijika said that's where she wanted it to go, that she wants to grow the band and become popular and help everyone reach their dreams. We kind of do have the whole "high schoolers become music celebrities" thing in Love Live, but I'd love to see that sort of thing be done in a way that feels more grounded and believable in a world where people actually seem to worry about money, outside of the fantasy confines of a nationally famous school club, and have it done in a way that the story doesn't stop happening once they graduate! Given how much the story already focuses on adults who are implied to be varying levels of fucked up just as well and seriously as its lead teenage characters who are implied to be varying levels of fucked up, it feels like the sort of story that's kind of made to transition to follow these girls out of their school lives. And I hope it goes there, and I also hope that the anime eventually gets further seasons because the material of the later manga chapters has itself a fantastic foundation if the rest of it is adapted in the same way, so, yeah.

And that's just the feelings I have on that. If you're interested in more bocchi content then um, sakugablog has a couple writeups and translated interviews which talk about the production which is itself its own really interesting story! It also got us to read the manga, because the way that the anime's character designer expresses such passion for Hamaji's work is utterly palpable and gosh things. Also I think it's really funny that Kerorira decided to animate the Bocchi ice bath scene with her wearing a school swimsuit because that adds another deeper layer of hilarious cringe that isn't quite present in the manga version of the scene when you see that she's so mentally conflicted about the merits and demerits of this scheme that she can't bring herself to fully expose her own body to the ice water which would, uh, probably make the intended effect of catching a cold more likely and thus make the plan work better, and also the scene probably couldn't have become as much of a twitter meme if they'd decide to illustrate her without the school swimsuit like the manga does, since then instead everyone would be mentally and sometimes textually debating the merits and demerits of bath scenes in anime, again, except it'd be funnier than that because it'd be about *this* scene and that would be goshdarned hilarious.

I think that’s really kind of it for this one. We’re out of time. So we’ll see everyone next time. And thanks to our patrons.

Brea,

Dorian Newlin

hikari no yume

L Tantivy

pigeon

Sally

Scimitar

And Thijs

And everybody else.

oh wow that was, that was a, that was almost 48 minutes, okay um—

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aemonded · 1 year

Note

Hellooooo :) For the sleepover asks: do you have any book/song/movie/tv/literally anything recommendations? I always see you reblogging cool stuff for different fandoms 🤭

Okay, I do, but this is the most random assortment of my recent favourite media/music, but hopefully someone can pick out something from this (And thanks, babe <3):

Books:

Wham! George Michael and Me by Andrew Ridgeley:

In 1975 Andrew took a shy new boy at school under his wing. They instantly hit it off, and their boyhood escapades at Bushy Meads School built a bond that was never broken. The duo found themselves riding an astonishing roller coaster of success, taking them all over the world. They made and broke iconic records, they were treated like gods, but they stayed true to their friendship and ultimately to themselves. It was a party that seemed as if it would never end. And then it did, in front of tens of thousands of tearful fans at Wembley Stadium in 1986.

Andrew’s memoir covers in wonderful detail those years, up until that last iconic concert: the scrapes, the laughs, the relationships, the good, and the bad. It’s a unique and one-and-only time to remember that era, that band, and those boys.

Digital Minimalism: Choosing A Focused Life in A Noisy World by Cal Newport:

Digital minimalists are all around us. They're the calm, happy people who can hold long conversations without furtive glances at their phones. They can get lost in a good book, a woodworking project, or a leisurely morning run. They can have fun with friends and family without the obsessive urge to document the experience. They stay informed about the news of the day, but don't feel overwhelmed by it. They don't experience "fear of missing out" because they already know which activities provide them meaning and satisfaction.

Now, Newport gives us a name for this quiet movement, and makes a persuasive case for its urgency in our tech-saturated world. Common sense tips, like turning off notifications, or occasional rituals like observing a digital sabbath, don't go far enough in helping us take back control of our technological lives, and attempts to unplug completely are complicated by the demands of family, friends and work. What we need instead is a thoughtful method to decide what tools to use, for what purposes, and under what conditions.

(I've been feeling burned out from tech lately with work, and I'm trying to pull back as much as I can from using screens every moment of the day).

Ducks: Two Years in the Oil Sands by Kate Beaton:

Before there was Kate Beaton, New York Times bestselling cartoonist of Hark! A Vagrant, there was Katie Beaton of the Cape Breton Beaton, specifically Mabou, a tight-knit seaside community where the lobster is as abundant as beaches, fiddles, and Gaelic folk songs. With the singular goal of paying off her student loans, Katie heads out west to take advantage of Alberta’s oil rush―part of the long tradition of East Coasters who seek gainful employment elsewhere when they can’t find it in the homeland they love so much. Katie encounters the harsh reality of life in the oil sands, where trauma is an everyday occurrence yet is never discussed.

Beaton’s natural cartooning prowess is on full display as she draws colossal machinery and mammoth vehicles set against a sublime Albertan backdrop of wildlife, northern lights, and boreal forest. Her first full length graphic narrative, Ducks: Two Years in the Oil Sands is an untold story of Canada: a country that prides itself on its egalitarian ethos and natural beauty while simultaneously exploiting both the riches of its land and the humanity of its people.

(I had to go to Alberta to get my training completed, and I experienced a lot of the similar themes explored in this graphic novel. Might be stupidly Canadian for some, but a great graphic novel overall).

The Radium Girls: The Dark Story of America's Shining Women by Kate Moore:

Discover the gripping and inspiring true story of The Radium Girls, a groundbreaking work by acclaimed author Kate Moore. Immerse yourself in this compelling narrative that unravels the extraordinary lives of these fearless women who fought against all odds.

The Curies' newly discovered element of radium makes gleaming headlines across the nation as the fresh face of beauty, and wonder drug of the medical community. From body lotion to tonic water, the popular new element shines bright in the otherwise dark years of the First World War.

Meanwhile, hundreds of girls toil amidst the glowing dust of the radium-dial factories. The glittering chemical covers their bodies from head to toe; they light up the night like industrious fireflies. With such a coveted job, these "shining girls" are the luckiest alive―until they begin to fall mysteriously ill.

Songs:

You Deserve an Oscar by Matt Maltese

Love and War in Your Twenties by Jordan Searcy

Wham Rap! by Wham!

Everything She Wants by Wham!

She's Got a Way by Billy Joel

Movies:

The Wham! Documentary on Netflix was just a hell of a lot of fun, and inspired me reading both Andrew Ridgeley's memoir and get into more of Wham's music.

Good Will Hunting: It's the first time I properly watched it through, and loved it.

TV:

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds: I wasn't a fan of the first season, but the crossover and musical episodes (Plus adding James T. Kirk, spoilers), has really brought it around for me.

#this is the most random assortment of fandoms but THERE YA GO PRINCESS #<3 #softguarnere #personal

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pjwarriorcats · 2 years

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Into the Wild

So… what’s the deal with these cat books anyway?

If you’ve spent a decent chunk of time on the internet, you’ve probably encountered them in some form at least once. While by no means the largest fandom on the internet, nor even the largest book series fandom, Warriors fans are pretty prolific, particularly on art-sharing websites and on YouTube.

The series itself began in 2003 with the release of Into the Wild. Since then, the series has only grown tremendously, with over 90 additional chapter books, graphic novels, super editions, guide books, ebook exclusives, and more (quick note for your own reference: I myself managed to read an even 60 of the main series books before I finally gave up). The children’s book series is written by Erin Hunter, a pseudonym shared by a team of writers and editors, currently consisting of Victoria Holmes, Kate Cary, Cherith Baldry, Tui Sutherland, Inbali Iserles, and Clarissa Hutton, and formerly Gillian Philip (fired after a run-in with what she called the “woke warriors” of publishing—more on that at another time). Different books were worked on by different members of the team, so the pseudonym was devised in order to keep them all organized together when placed on a library shelf.

[Alt Text: The cover art for the first Warriors book, with an orange cat sitting in a separate box, against a forested background where two more cats approach each other: Artist credit]

The books are about feral cats who have created an organized society of four Clans (each with around 15-20 cats) for themselves in the woods, complete with traditions, customs, a code of rules to live by, and a religion to follow. Built around this general premise, the series has since followed multiple plotlines, and many different characters have starred as the reader’s point of perspective in each book or arc.

These books hooked their claws into multiple generations of young readers. People found enjoyment in discussing their favorite characters, predicting future events, creating fan artworks, arguing over their favorite Clan and territory, and so much more. Furthermore, the basic premise outline left plenty of room for people to devise their own characters, Clans, and stories. Communities popped up around the internet, filled with people’s original Warrior Cats characters, sharing them with each other, creating artwork and animations, writing fan fictions, drawing comics, and developing stories. Roleplay forums related to these original characters (OCs) began appearing everywhere that they could, anywhere that had even the barest technological capability for it: DeviantArt and Wattpad comments sections, Minecraft multiplayer servers, online MMOs like Animal Jam, even MIT’s Scratch programming website. It was everywhere.

And it still is.

I can’t account for DeviantArt or Scratch anymore; it’s been a long time since I’ve traversed through those forums. But I can say with certainty that the Warriors Community has not stopped talking and creating and sharing what they’ve made since it began. The books are one thing, but it’s the fandom I really find fascinating, even all these years since leaving it.

There’s not really any way to consume every single bit of content created by the fans of the Warrior Cats books; there’s just too much of it. I’ll give you as big and as varied a sample as I can at a later time. There’s some extremely remarkable things out there that they’ve created. But the truth of the matter is that not every piece of media made in Warrior Cats’ honor necessarily deserves to be consumed, nor every creator supported. The series is not free from controversies, ranging from accusations of cultural appropriation, to zoophilia, to ableism, and more, and I hope to discuss some of those, as many as I can, as well.

Long story short: there’s a lot to say about the Warriors fandom. Let’s get into it!

[Alt Text: A digital painting of a large cream cat and a small grey cat running together through a birch forest. Artist credit]

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cubist-thrawn · 2 days

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@thrawns-backrest as promised, I hereby present to you an overview of my little research trip to worlds unknown. (Now that I finally have the time to do so, after submitting my Bachelor's thesis. Thank goodness it's over.)

It all started out as a simple wish to get practice in drawing humans again, or in general, more realistic subjects. I've gotten a bit rusty after spending two to three years almost exclusively on cubism.

In comes my ongoing hyperfixation on the Ghost prison comic, specifically Moff Trachta. I get the genius idea to combine the two, not only would I get some practice drawing again, but also an opportunity to rotate a blorbo in my head some more. There was only one problem, I could not find any drawing references, for months.

Highlighting again, I'm still quite rusty in the drawing department, so I was not really keen on painstakingly reconstructing Trachta from every angle, solely relying on the comic, especially since half of his face is obscured by a breathing mask plus the ocular cameras. Which makes it a bit difficult to understand his facial structure and therefore, how his limited facial expressions work. The one panel showing him before the injury did help a bit, but it wasn't sufficient enough in the long run.

So I needed external references, and I am really confident that Agustin Alessio was relying on them too, not only for the established characters like Anakin Skywalker or Mace Windu, but for all of the recurring cast in the comic; it would also make sense for his artistic style in general. There are artists, who can make up unique human faces on the go, and keep them consistent with every comic/graphic novel page, but I believe, for the majority, this is unnecessary, additional work. (I mean, consider the Marvel comics, no penciler will spend their limited time meticulously drawing every damn rooftop in New York city, they copy that shit, or use references in some way or other, chances are, the same goes for people).

My first rounds of research were not really successful, the closest I got in vibes is Karl Urban as Lord Vaako in "The Chronicles of Riddick".

There are certainly a lot of parallels between Vaako and Trachta, they are both idealistic (and power hungry), high ranking commanders in a dark army/empire, who seek to usurp their masters and ultimately fail in the endeavor. (Except, Vaako did not die, he just had to wait a bit longer for a new opportunity to seize control).

Unfortunately, their faces did not match as well as their vibes, I had to look somewhere else... Well, I looked and I looked aaaand nothing came of it, so I paused the project for a few months.

But one day, on tumblr of all places, and through a reblog of Wil Wheaton of all people, I stumbled upon this gem of an image:

First of all, the premise here is hysterical and the aura of the new millennium painful but what really stopped me in my mental tracks was the dude crawling out of the computer screen, his face looked familiar, too familiar

Hmmmm 🤔

Hmmmmmmmmm🤔🤔

Too many similarities to be accidental and that meant, I was back in the game. According to the description, the image was published in the Playgirl magazine in the first issue of January 2000. There was no other information, but I am a historian and I know how to find things.

I started my curios journey with a reverse image search and by googling the image title, but 'Virtual Carnality' only lead me back to the original picture and tumblr, so I had to look for the actual magazine, which I wanted to avoid. Because academic experience with somewhat similar mediums and second hand experience with porn magazines through earlier research on Russian homophobia taught me, there's usually no easy access to this particular genre of print medium, especially when it's older than 20 years. There are no institutional databases (that I know of) and barely any digitally archived issues available. As expected, I did not find the fated Playgirl issue, what I did find instead were bounds of scientific articles referencing Playgirl and other similar magazines as sources. The topics around them ranged from the history of the US american porn industry, to the conceptualization of heterosexual female desire, from queer and gender studies to copyright law; there was everything and a good deal of what I skimmed open access too.

It was an interesting detour but it did not bring me closer to my goal. What I tried next was the official Playgirl website and suddenly there was hope in sight, they had an archive category... some random past articles... not what I was looking for, how unfortunate. Most of their content was hidden behind a paywall as well, but creating an account and paying a monthly fee of 13$ with no way of knowing if they even keep a proper digital archive of past issues, was in my opinion not a worthwhile investment. If only I had the name of the model...

Next I scouted Ebay for information. There was a chance some seller might have included the table of contents in the product scan and perhaps a name I could use. (Btw, the going rate for a vintage Playgirl Jan (1) 2000 lies somewhere between 40-60€, last time I checked). This idea did not yield any results either. I was about to call quits for the day but I had to try one last search

one last rearrangement of key words.

And surprisingly I was not disappointed.

I finally had a name

Praised be the gay porn community of adonismale.com and their extensive Playgirl database of male (porn) models and actors.

Here I could add an additional paragraph about the importance of media preservation through communal effort but I've used up all the spoons I had for today.

Summa summarum, I'm pretty sure I'm not hallucinating Alessio basing Grand Moff Trachta visually (to some degree) on a porn actor going by the name of Cheyne Collins, specifically on his appearance in the "Visual Carnality" photo shoot for the first Playgirl issue of January 2000.

Do with this information whatever you want.

#star wars #Agustin Alessio #Darth vader and the ghost prison #grand moff trachta #moff trachta #trachta #research shenanigans #and art #long post

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jonmcbrine-author · 25 days

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Unsecret Identity: Eric Icarus - Book One is now available in print as a paperback edition, but it was a rocky road getting there. The ebook Kindle edition was released close to a year ago, and at the time of the initial digital launch, I knew that a print version would follow. What I was not aware of, though, was just how long it would take to make the paperback.

Ideally, I would have preferred to have released the hardcover and ebook editions simultaneously, with a paperback version shortly after. Also in this perfect world, I would already have the audiobook version ready to go. Here in reality, however, it’s a DIY operation that takes time - with production rates that rival geologic ages in speed (or the lack thereof). From writing, editing, designing the cover, and finally to illustrating the interior art, finishing the book has been a gradual and often times frustrating process. Ultimately, though, releasing the print edition, to go along with the Kindle version, has been greatly rewarding.

Hardcover and audiobook editions are in the pipeline, but as I’ve said, it will simply take time. On top of this one full-length novel, I am writing other stories while committing to other personal, day-to-day engagements. For those who are interested in this first book, I thank you and want you to know how exciting it is to see people enjoy the story.

As stated above, the paperback journey was rough. In addition to simply spending hours and hours formatting the new edition and all the curveball lessons that entailed, there was getting more familiar with Amazon itself. Specifically, the Kindle Direct Publishing online book manager. Indie authors know KDP well, and even though it has Kindle in the name, this web-based program covers all available formats. Prior to uploading my manuscript to KDP, I, of course, used Microsoft Word (and Google Docs here and there) to actually write the content, the book itself. Once the text was edited, it was time to fire up the Adobe suite of design programs including Illustrator, Photoshop, and InDesign. As a graphic designer, I already possessed a working knowledge of using these programs, but formatting a full-length manuscript required a few rounds of further self-education.

Creating more drawings for the interior art delayed completion but eventually everything got done. I posted with excitement about the paperback release date and even took additional precautions the night before the big day to ensure there would be no hiccups. Then KDP dropped a huge LOB on me: Learning Opportunity Bomb. The launch date came but the printed book did not. When you submit something via KDP, the review process time can vary, but for me it is typically around a day. So, when I resubmitted the PDF of my manuscript, I would wake up to an email informing me of whether or not my latest version made the cut.

This took about a week. What was intended to be released on a Monday didn’t go live until that Friday. The recurring error message involved images/text not being completely within the “live” area of the margins. This means that the central portion of the page, within guidelines, is what the content should be in. Only two pages repeatedly earned me these error strikes, and it baffled me as to why. The printed proof copy I ordered came out nearly perfect.

I had images that purposely extended beyond the live area, as well as the trim, which is considered to be the edges of the physical sheet of paper. My artwork even went beyond the bleed, the safety cutoff borders. While imagery that takes up the width of a page is common, Amazon seemingly wants content to be within the appropriate lines. This was fine by me, and I even liked how it made things more consistent throughout the book, but as a designer, it left me confused and embarrassed. The humiliation did not last long as I was happy to simply understand the problem.

With the issue resolved, the paperback was launched and I received my own copy and it is perfection. After a dismal week of awaiting the crucial judgment from KDP, the book gets a new life in the printed world. And I can breathe a little easier.

In a city of heroes with super-suits, fourteen-year-old Eric’s powers are the real deal—he can fly, or rather, he must. He literally can’t stop. As if high school wasn’t hard enough.

Order your paperback copy or read the digital version on your Kindle ereader device, the Kindle web browser, or in the Kindle app on your phone or tablet.

Stay in the loop for more details by following Jonfiction Blog on Substack and be sure to check out jonmcbrine.com for more info about this and all my books.

Unsecret Identity: Eric Icarus - Book One is available now from Amazon.

https://a.co/2XAtxvH

New blog every Monday. Newsletter first Monday of the month.

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clarajblogdsaa · 8 months

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Any clouds can get frightening, any tool can be useful!

My first introduction to design softwares was not through graphic design. Although I started to properly use them when I was in my first year of graphic design, I had been interested in those programs since I was a teen. Indeed, before knowing about graphic design, I tried digital painting and drawing in software like photoshop! It is then that I discovered a lot pre-made assets like half-tone brushes, cross-hatching brushes, tree brushes, flowers brushes and other downloadable contents made to save time. Those kinds of tools are primarily used for creating comics, especially mangas as the releasing schedule in the manga industry is very thigh.

Most titles are published regularly as one chapter per week. This crazy work pace requires well-thought work process to always be time as those chapters are released in weekly Manga's magazine. Often in a manga artist studio, the author only draws the storyboard and the characters in detail. The background, the lettering and the other ambiance effects are left to the assistants. All those digital tools are then used to fasten the drawing process in area where the artist style matter less.

At the beginning, most of those effects were visuals codes created by pioneers' manga artists like the famous flower pattern to depict a blooming love mostly popularized by mangaka’s like Ryoko Ikeda or Yumiko Igarashi. They become such a staple of mange style that they transform into pre-made tools. Their quality drawing-wise was less than their hand-drawn counterpart, yet their impact in the narration is less intact. In fact, manga and its codes rely a lot on exuberant symbols. Everything is exaggerated, feelings are overamplified and the action should seem bursting out of the page. In this kind of representation, all those pre-made assets do keep their aesthetical weight because of their own lack of subtlety. Their seeming blandness and standardise looks is overpowered by the loudness of their symbol as a visual code.

Extract from La rose de Versailles by Ryoko Ikeda

Flower brush from the software Medibang

Yet, since the 2000s and the democratisation of digital drawing, the opposite effect also rose up. Now pre-made assets created specifically for those softwares started to become huge visual codes in the manga aesthetic. This kind of case is interesting because instead of the previous example I had shared; those assets only come from those softwares and were not based on any previous well established drawn manga codes. They did not hold any symbolic power from previous manga artist’s work, and their looks could have not predicted the meaning they will get.

To illustrate this phenomenon, the case of the cloud filter in photoshop is symptomatic. This innocuous effect named Difference clouds is a filter that generate a cloud pattern with the two colours picked in the foreground colour picker and background colour picker. If use as intended, this filter create a robotic cloud pattern that would be difficult to use for any real photomontage of a cloudy sky. What truly made this filter unmistakable is the horror Japanese manga genre.

Indeed, if you choose to generate cloud with black and red, you will end up with this tense image. At first, this quick way to generate a tense background was popularized because of its easiness and rapidity as it only takes about two second to do it. Yet, the picture is still rough and can seem hard to use as is but was widely use and became a visual staple. Its own lack of subtlety and its harshness were the keys stylistic point of the image.

Pattern from the horror visual novel Higurashi no naku koro ni written by Ryukishi07, 2002-2006.

Pattern from the horror game OMORI by OMOCAT,2020.

Japanese horror medias that use this background are mainly horror manga game and digital comic, of the psychological horror sub-genre. In those work, as the reader, you follow the point of view of the protagonist and getting information like you were in its mind. This specific red and black background is a way to portray the internal turmoil, anxiety and confusion one can feel in a critical situation. This kind of procedural texture also looks like the style of pattern your brain produce when you close your eyes. So, in this case, the abrasive and loud nature of this pattern works in its favour as it helps to create tension and confusion into the reader. Even when artists had more time to create intricate and personalised backgrounds, this filter was already great enough to allude to such an abstract state of fear that it became a massive horror code in Japanese drawn medias!

In graphic design, we are often pushed to try repurposing tools and think outside the box. For me, this personal example helps me remember that any tools can be useful, no matter how bad it first looks. What truly matter is to understand its essence to explore what it has to offer!

4661 signs

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xtrablak674 · 1 year

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Unabashed Compliments Performed Vulnerability

This was a comment from a former Live Journal user called Bluest Eye, I didn't get the literary connection at first to Toni Morrison's novel of the same name. Curiously without knowing it we were both using novels as digital camouflage, my username based on the novel by James Earl Hardy. Her author a Black woman like she was, and mine being a gay Black man, like the way I identified myself at the time I created it.

We started in a very good place a place of admiration, but ended in a very different place. We were using the internet in its sophomore phase and there were growing pains especially when we were meeting in a space designated for vulnerability, but exactly how is vulnerability performed in public spaces?

The year was two-thousand and I was in the pocket of my website design and coding, exploring a creativity that I never even knew was there. Even looking back I surprise myself at how a lot of the designs stand up creatively decades later. Design wasn't something I was taught, I was working in a creative environment, and was exposed to creative people, but that doesn't always mean that you become creative yourself, unless you have a natural affinity for it.

In reflecting on Bluest's reflection on my work, I don't think that creativity necessarily reflects intelligence, if I understand it correctly its a different side of the brain that is used by creative people. Albeit I am creative and organized, something we don't usually think of creative people. The way I look at design is a form of bringing order, disinformation or jumbled graphics becomes much more digestible when its presented in a clear and appealing way.

At my initial interactions with Bluest I didn't know she was Black, I knew she was a woman, and I guess due to how elegantly she spoke I assumed she was whyte, even though I see how problematic that assumption was, and why can't we as Black people give ourselves the space to be brilliant. But sadly sometimes we too sip of the whyte supremacy Kool-Aid.

Her curiosity fascinated me, she took the time to not only look through my visual creative work, but my written work and she found something to like and or love in both of them. There was so much graciousness in her assessment of who I was or who I was reflected in my work. I think the only place where she mis-stepped is thinking she knew who I was based on the work that I produced. I think this is a very human flaw, its so easy to get caught up in trying to define the identity of an artist through what they produce, not realizing there are so many other aspects of a human personality that can't be reflected in these mediums. All humans are in a way a tip of the iceberg, there is so much more lying below the surface that we may never get to see or experience.

I am not sure how to process her "attraction", even as she speaks to it being allegedly platonic, but then she calls me a 'cutie pie', a clear mixed message. With the perspective of time and experience, I think she had developed a crush, even though it didn't make sense to her intellectually, because she knew I wasn't available, I believe what we think and what we feel are not always congruent and she was in a pocket of this emotional dichotomy.

It is elusive to me that she has even gravitated to this work at all, I have went through most of my life being severely misunderstood and uncategorizable and usually a social outsider, this is what lead to me labeling myself an iconoclast later as I decided to actively pursue being a visual artist. Our society and I think our humanity can only understand something if we can find some way of labeling it, and those who can not be labeled are an anathema to social norms and societal pariahs. As much as we have messages of 'be yourself' or 'we love you just the way you are', that is the farthest thing from the truth in actual practice.

[Screenshot by Brown Estate]

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mostlysignssomeportents · 2 years

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Schroedinger's streaming service just died

When you buy a vinyl record, cassette or CD, you own it, thanks to copyright law’s “first sale” principle. I have real criticisms of copyright law, but at least it’s a law, created by a democratically accountable legislature. When you buy a digital download of a song, your use of it is governed by private terms of service, not copyright law.

These terms of service are outrageous. Not only are they incredibly long and dull, but they confiscate all the rights that Congress reserved to the public when they crafted copyright law. You can donate your old CDs to a library, you can leave your mix-tapes to your kid, you can divide your CDs in a divorce, but none of that stuff is on the table with digital media.

Virtually no one has ever read these terms of service. That makes sense — not only are they written to be impenetrably soporific, but they’re also so manifestly unfair that just trying to parse them risks an aneurysm. Perhaps the only way to read the Itunes ToS with your sanity intact is via R Sikoryak’s incredible graphic novel (!) adaptation:

https://memex.craphound.com/2017/03/03/terms-and-conditions-the-bloviating-cruft-of-the-itunes-eula-combined-with-extraordinary-comic-book-mashups/

The confiscation of your rights to your digital media depends on the fiction that you are licensing the music, not buying it. The fact that there’s a giant “buy now” button on the interface notwithstanding, tech and entertainment companies maintain that you are engaged in a licensing deal, like an advertiser buying synch rights for a hamburger commercial.

The digital media industry wants to eat its cake and have it, too. Even as they tell you that you’ve just bought a “license” and therefore have no rights under copyright, they tell their workforce — the creative laborers who composed, arranged and performed the music — that you’re buying your music, not licensing it.

That’s because all the record deals from the prehistory of digital music have two different royalty rates: when a musician’s work is sold, they get a low royalty rate (12%-22%). When that same work is licensed, they get a 50% royalty.

When the digital music industry was getting started, they invented a new form of quantum indeterminacy. When a customer paid $0.99 for an Itunes track, they were engaged in a license. When that transaction was recorded on the artist’s royalty statement, it was a sale. Like Schroedinger’s alive/dead cat, digital music was in superposition, caught in a zone between a sale and a license.

Because only music executives were allowed to open the box and collapse the wave, they could ensure that it always collapsed into a state favorable to the record label and its tech partners. If a listener was involved, the wave collapsed into a license transaction, and the listener was deprived of the rights the legislature promised them. If a musician was involved, the wave collapsed into a sale transaction, and the musician was deprived of majority the money their contracts guaranteed them.

Now, a musician has managed to drag digital music into the realm of classical physics, ending its quantum indeterminacy. Electronica pioneer Four Tet has successfully wrung a settlement out of his label, Domino, who will now be forced to treat his digital recordings as licenses and pay a 50% royalty, rather than the 13.5% they’d insisted on.

https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-61871547

Four Tet will get £56,921.08 and 5% interest compounded over all the years the label was screwing him: “I really hope that my own course of action encourages anyone who might feel intimidated by challenging a record label with substantial means.”

It’s great to see Four Tet get some fundamental justice. One way that heritage acts can get some justice of their without going to court is through copyright termination. In the US, artists can terminate their copyright deals after 35 years and get their rights back:

https://doctorow.medium.com/take-it-back-e3689628f4f0

This has enabled many creative workers to cut through legal messes; for example, George Clinton was was able to terminate copyright assignments to 1,413 of his works, comprehensively ending the otherwise endless litigation against an unscrupulous manager whom Clinton accused of stealing his catalog:

https://celebrityaccess.com/caarchive/george-clinton-regains-possession-of-funkadelic-masters/

[Image ID: An Apple Itunes license agreement window with a Buy on Itunes button superimposed on it.]

#pluralistic

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treybriggsthewriter · 4 years

Link

This makes me nervous, but I’m going to post it. I’m going to try my best to achieve my goals. I’ve put in a ton of work already, so I’m looking for additional help.

From the campaign:

My name is Trey Briggs, and I'm a black woman who writes paranormal horror, speculative fiction, and other types of fiction. You can find my stories at MaybeTrey , Astrid the Devil , and on Instagram , Medium , and Wattpad .

My stories are aimed at black people who want to read dark stories that focus on original black characters that are complex and interesting. I genuinely believe Black audiences deserve a variety of genres to delve into, and I want to introduce them to paranormal horror, dark romance, and fantasy that they haven't gotten enough of in the past. I also believe that this can be done across multiple mediums, and I spend my money with black creative professionals to make these experiences extend beyond my words. For the last two years, I've run my stories on sites and Instagram to great reception. I like to craft complex experiences that offer looks at character backgrounds, side and backstories, full websites for each title, and more. I also provide encyclopedias, maps, audio journals, and other ways to get into each world. During these last few years, I've run into a lot of walls, jumped a lot of hurdles, and tried my best. I've worked with amazing black artists, voice actors, and actresses, musicians, designers, and more. I trust my ability to run a project, especially when it comes to planning and finding talent. My overall goal is to run a team of black creatives that crafts novels, graphic novels, audio experiences, and animated series for a dedicated audience.

Why I Need Help Long story short: I have the skill, I have the marketing/website building/business experience, and I have the drive. There's a lot I can do on my own, but there's also a lot that gets left behind because I don't have the money I need to proceed at a steady pace. I need help with funding so I can focus, hire the right people, and craft these stories the way they deserve to be crafted. I have thus far spent over $60,000 of my own money on my projects over the past two years - the writing and site-building are easy for me; the rest has to be hired out. I have art, site costs for hosting, domains, templates, specific plugins, and maintenance, audio (and vocal artists to pay), musical, and editing costs. I'm by no means rich or even particularly financially stable. I have taken on tons of extra clients for my digital marketing business, transcribed hundreds of hours of audio for dirt cheap, and taken out personal loans. I even worked a second full-time job along with my full-time business last year to afford to produce the content I love. It's starting to take a toll on my mental health. I plan on continuing to fund these projects out of pocket (and finding ways to do so), but having financial help, however big or small, would allow me to move a lot faster and with less stress. It would let me flesh out ideas and concepts that I have had to scrap because I can only physically handle so much extra work. I run a full-time marketing business from home, homeschool my autistic 10-year-old, and generally have a busy life. Some of the strain is taking a toll on me, and I don't want to give up. Having some financial backing could allow me to drop a client or two after a few months and focus on the work I love to do.

How You Can Help I mainly need a start—a sort of base. I want to emphasize that I plan to continue to provide the main bulk of funding for my projects. I know my goals are ambitious, and I know each step will take time and money. I welcome any help to make the process smoother and to get around the initial hurdles. I'd like to have ebooks and novels offered on my site by the end of the year (along with the free serials and stories). Funding means that I can broaden the projects, include more free aspects to my sites, and secure direct financing through sales of ebooks and audiobooks sooner. It also means that I can offer MORE stories, whether they are online only or fully fleshed out novels and sites. I am swamped with trying to work enough to cover all my bills and creative projects, so I lose a lot of time I could spend plotting and writing. If I have better funding, I can get my stories out quicker (and with fewer mistakes).

The Initial Stories Let's talk about my stories! If you're familiar with my work already, you can skip to the next section. My main story site is Maybe Trey . Currently, I have two big titles and a bunch of smaller ones that I am seeking help with funding: Astrid the Devil

Astrid the Devil is the complicated story of a girl who inherits not only her family's features and DNA, but their fears, struggles, and fights. It's the story of a condition called Devil Syndrome, the women who suffer it, and the monsters that devour them. It's the story of the fight to save the people you love at the expense of innocent lives. At its core, Astrid the Devil is the story of a woman who inherits the chaos of three generations before her. It's a look at what is truly passed down to our children, and how they're left to fight our battles in the aftermath of our failures. It's the tale of an indescribable monster and the women who struggle to defeat it. It's a journey into how their every decision could save or destroy an entire world. Astrid the Devil is the story of Astrid Snow, but her story can't be told without the story of the women before her.

Vicious: On MaybeTrey and The Vicious site (in progress)

Somewhere, a war is brewing. That's the only thing that's for sure to Junnie Gorton, a young horned girl suffering from a debilitating disease called Horn Rot. She typically dealt with her low survival rate and abnormally large horns by escaping the world with her best friend, Lewish. Now she's forced to figure out which side is which, save her entire species, and find out the truth behind the sudden uprising in her home. Horn Rot, a highly contagious and violent disease spreading through horned people, is causing mass amounts of madness and death. Normal horns grow in ways that will pierce, suffocate, and maim their owners, and the only one who can stop it is Junnie's mother, Lyria. As Lyria falls deeper and deeper into an anti-social revolt, the country reels. While Junnie broods, her entire species must prepare for mass extinction. Her brother plots with a group of people with less than good intentions and Lewish is quieter than usual. In a civilization brought up on extreme violence and competition, Junnie and Lewish try their best not to get swallowed by their culture, their lives, or their horns.

Bunni and Bosque :

Bunni lives. Bosque dies. We all know how this story starts. Bunni is obsessed with destruction and death. She comes from the healthiest Horned family in her country. She's from the oldest, purest bloodline in the world. And she's bored with it. Bunni spends most of her time trying to escape her duties as a pureblood. She wants things dirty, messy, foul, inconsistent. Having parents that are willing to kill to keep their bloodline pure is annoying. Knowing that she'll live a long, full life, produce more perfect children, and die unscathed is agonizing. Bunni wants something to mourn. We all know how this story ends. Bosque is destined to die an agonizing death, alone on his family's land. He's watched everyone he loved and grew up with perish. Sometimes it was because of their disease. Sometimes it was because of the malice and hatred of others. While he's absolutely withdrawn and satisfied with his life, Bosque has never had a chance to live it. He spends his days basking in the sun, bathing in wood baths, and contemplating the end. Bosque isn't interested in joining the rest of the world. He'd rather die out, alone, where his family belonged. Bosque wants to go peacefully. But neither expected to meet each other one day in a supermarket. Neither expected to fall in love, lust, and every vicious and dirty thing between. Neither expected to be so right for each other, all while being wrong for everyone else. You know the end of this story. Bunni lives, Bosque dies. But maybe something will change.

My smaller titles, Bunni and Bosque /Aite and Jude, can be found at Maybe Trey .

The Business Plan

The initial phase of my business plan is to get the sites populated with ebooks and audiobooks for sale. I also have prints that can be sold. Right now, I am in the audience-building phase while I save up for editing the full novels.

In terms of an actual business with which to publish the stories, I already have a registered publication company in Illinois: Wolfless Studios LLC. I took this step earlier this year with plans to self-publish Astrid and Vicious. So that is paid for and done.

I have also gotten initial editing done on the first six chapters of Astrid, though it will need to be edited from the beginning again once everything is said and done. I've spent over $1000 on that so far, and it would go a lot faster if I didn't need to save up to edit each chapter.

Astrid the Devil is fully plotted, outlined, and only needs the last three chapters. Bunni and Bosque and Vicious are newer, but plotted and already deep into character development (all being shared across social and Wattpad for audience growth). Aite and Jude and other shorts are plotted, and three other unshared stories are plotted and at the editing phase.

Other costs and ways I would use the funding (I would still put in my own money and do as much on my own as possible):

Initial $30K

$6000 - $7000 Line and Copy edits for Astrid (currently at 250000+ words/expecting over 300000 at $0.02 rate)

$6000 - $7000 Line and Copy Edits for Vicious

$3000 - $4000 Line and Copy Edits for Bunni and Bosque

ISBN Purchases (Separate ISBN for each format for each book) - https://www.myidentifiers.com/identify-protect-your-book/barcode

Covers for Astrid/Vicious/B&B Print Versions

Site Hosting Costs and Maintenance for 2 Years

Site completion for all stories

Initial store and app development

40K - Marketing and Graphic Novels

Social, Print, and Web ads

Email Marketing Campaigns

Booths at Decatur Book Festival (depending on COVID)

Social ads and promos

50 to 60 pages

First two chapters offered as free promo with email sign-ups

Audio journals for each character

Situational audio journals

Encyclopedia for Astrid (finishing up)/Vicious

65K - Hires and Next Phases

Ability to hire a Full-Time Editor

Audio Series for each (professionally done)

Vicious Graphic Novel

Additional Title Added

Short animations for both Vicious and Astrid (with plans to fund more with book sales)

Fleshed out Story Sections (Novellas for each character of each series)

Short comic series with Astrid and Vicious side characters

Possible to plan out monthly subscription service with new stories and 'story package' deliveries

75K -

Astrid the Devil Graphic Novel

Vicious Graphic Novel

Astrid the Devil Animated Short

Ability to hire part-time Web Developer

Additional bigger title

Anything Over - I ascend into pure light. And also, I can add titles, cover more mediums, and eventually expand my publishing to other black creatives.

From there, I should be able to handle the funding via sales of books, comics, audio, and more. Again, I will always offer mostly free content across the sites.

I believe in proof of concept, and I have diehard fans on my social platforms. With no outside funding, I've been able to a lot on my own. I'd love to expand my business into one that does the same for other black authors, artists, voice actors, and animators somewhere down the line.

Thank you so much for your consideration. I appreciate all my readers, present and future, and I appreciate any help!

See incentives and more on the actual campaign: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-trey-publish-black-paranormal-horror-stories

Thank you so much!

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