#i mean for me personally it's also like. sometimes/often/always i don't want to have visible tits‚ for Gender Reasons

[mythicalcoolkid]

You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side

[aeide-thea]

thinking abt (1) that post abt how most censorship is preemptive self-censorship¹ (2) bras²

⸻ ¹ wow, tumblr search actually worked for once??? ² i do understand and respect that for many people bras serve an actual structural function wrt support/comfort! however, for many other people (hi!) they do not, at least in everyday non-sports contexts, and that's the set of concerns i'm speaking to here.

[mint-in-the-moonlight]

putting the poly back in polytheism

something that I've noticed in neo-pagan/polytheist spaces is this focus on one or a few deities. while this is a valid approach and seems to be working amazingly for many people, i wanted to write a short defence of a different form of polytheism that, while maybe less visible on social media, is equally viable.

the poly in polytheism necessitates the belief in multiple gods however modern forms of worship take many different forms on top of that. from my years being in pagan spaces on social media I have noticed that to many, being a polytheist means worshipping one or a handful of gods and having very close relationships with them. which deities someone chooses to have this kind of relationship with stems from multiple possible sources, for example, personal interest, the deity's domain being somehow related to a person's life or an inexplicable draw to them.

to me, this seems to be the dominant view on social media of the form that neo-paganism takes, however, after years of exploring my spirituality and practice, I have come to the conclusion that this is not how I want to worship. I am writing this post for more people like me, who are interested in exploring this often less mainstream approach.

an ancient template

reading about Ancient Greek and Roman civilisations I was always struck by the number of minor deities with hyper-specific domains and associations. as a modern pagan, I could not understand the appeal of worshipping such a deity, ie. using so much time and resources to build a relationship for only a handful of niche issues that you could approach them with.

but as I kept reading and exploring, I realised that I was approaching polytheism completely differently than the ancients did. they truly did live in a world full of gods and they did not require a relationship built over days, if not weeks or more, to approach a deity and ask for their aid.

as long as you followed the rules of reciprocity, you could approach any deity that was relevant to your situation because they were the best equipped to help you with your problem. now this is not true for all of the population all the time, there were definitely also for example, people devoted to one deity, but from my understanding, this seemed to be the general form that polytheism took in those ancient civilisations.

the influence of monotheism

I think another feature of online neo-paganism is this expansion of the major deities' domains which then removes the need to worship the smaller deities. now, don't get me wrong, I'm all for expanding the domains of deities, especially if this is done from a revivalist perspective in order to modernise them for the contemporary worshipper. but sometimes I feel like completely unrelated domains are added for the sake of convenience more than anything else, ie. so that someone can keep worshipping the same deity(ies) without approaching others.

this, in my opinion, goes against one of the core aspects of polytheism which is the idea that different gods rule over different domains and have power over them. following this idea, it would make very little sense to pray to Neptune during air travel as he has no influence over the skies. yet, I sometimes see the deities be treated more like monotheistic gods which are all-powerful and can influence anything in the world.

if this is your view of how the gods work, that's fine, but I feel like sometimes people accept it without questioning it much or thinking about their view of theology at all. after mulling this idea over for some time, I realised it made much more sense to approach those specific deities, even if they are much less known or minor because this fits into my beliefs about polytheism much better.

a poly-practice

so, how would a poly-polytheistic practice look like in the modern day? well, there are many ways to go about it but I will just share bits from my own experience.

what I have ended up doing is focusing on different deities as they become relevant in my life - I focused on worshipping Janus at the beginning of the year while also taking the time to pray to Fortuna in moment when I needed her aid. I then did some extra reading on Jupiter, but didn't forget to thank Mars every time I went to the gym. I no longer felt the pressure to have some sort of special "connection" to every deity or "feel their presence", just trusting that they are there and then catching glimpses of divinity in my daily life.

looking into which Roman festivals I wanted to celebrate also opened my perspectives to more deities I would not have otherwise worshipped on my own. like this, I feel like I am building an arsenal of deities I can turn to when I need and of course, it is also vital to remember that I can call on multiple ones at the same time, just like the Romans saw the gods aiding one another in their tasks.

I only have one altar, which is practical and thus quite minimalistic, but there is space for my prayer notebook as well as other supplies that I need for my rituals.

conclusion

of course, this kind of practice results in a much more "impersonal" relationship with the gods, but I never really felt the need to communicate with them directly or things like that, so it fits me well. I find comfort in imagining a world full of gods, who may only know me in passing but who look out for me nevertheless.

in the end, the goal of this post is not to change anyone's mind about how they worship, but to present an alternate perspective which you can learn from but also completely disregard. in the end I am just happy that you were interested enough to reach until the end of this post. thank you for reading!!

[inchidentally]

This might be a good time for one of your "rpf is not reality" posts, just sayin 👀

askfgsaf you're probably right (referencing this) and for those who are wondering, I basically feel semi responsible for keeping landoscar rpf from crossing boundaries bc I've written so much abt them for so long - so once in a while I'll post reminders that the fandom doesn't welcome delusional ppl and we don't allow girlfriend hate etc pls just ignore if you're like wtf is this bitch talking about

bc the problem is not that people outside fandom use ship names publicly like Oscar very tentatively did yesterday - one of Daniel’s first orders of business on camera with Lando was to (jokingly) declare landan would be superior to carlando. Carlos, Lando, Adam (Lando's dad), McLaren, Netflix, every sponsor for F1 and F1’s official accounts themselves use carlando's ship name and content for engagement. (in fact McLaren almost never use the term 'landoscar' at all but still 'carlando' many times up to the current day) tbh it's actually more common for drivers to big up their bromances than to be like Lando and Oscar who have never gone that route outside of McLaren's usual PR stuff (which has also been wayyyy below the amount they did for Carlos and Daniel). it's actually been kind of nice that they drew that boundary of not sharing their time together outside of work beyond a passing mention and they don't do any gay chicken or overly PDA for fans that yes I personally love but that can lead certain ppl into thinking it's legit romantic/sexual. and that Lily (and Lando's dating/romantic/night life asflgsafja) are so visible and present bc we haven't had to deal with the whole pipeline of rpf delulu invading the ship. we got ahead of all that crazy.

and the problem is not even just when fans use the ship names outside fandom bc often the drivers themselves or people around them bait for it. the vast majority of people (including the drivers) think ship names/bromances are all a fun joke or at it's most serious it's just reflective of their real life platonic friendship/brotherliness etc. most of the popular usage has no sexual/romantic intent at all.

The Problem !! is fans crossing very clear boundaries !! and those are

being overly, grossly sexual (read the room type thing) or being pushy about the ship to the drivers involved (or their friends, families, teams) pushy meaning things like "admit it, driver name is closer to driver x than driver y" "we want pics/content of ship name" "we all know ship x is superior to ship y" "driver x prefers driver y over his own girlfriend" or top voting comments about a ship that has nothing to do with the post at all

deciding the ship is "real" (or “if it weren't for homophobia they would be together right now”) and becoming obsessive/pushing an agenda that always includes pretending that girlfriends and wives are fake or PR or beards or horrible witches controlling the poor weak white male millionaire athlete. sometimes with a side of thinking that teams are involved in the big gay cover up by "hiring/arranging" girlfriends for the drivers (when the teams can't even keep scandals about their own staff locked down alfhgsalfj trust me if a driver was closeted, he and his management alone would be taking care of that cover up and they'd NEVER risk telling teams who have rotating staff and who the driver will probably leave at some point anyway)

and the consequences of fans crossing those boundaries are

if you actively try to push a celebrity to come out then either way it will absolutely not happen, regardless of what their real sexuality is - and if you insinuate too heavily then they will probably double down on their heterosexuality to shut you up (again, regardless of their real sexuality so it doesn't matter either way!)

if you push a bromance ship too hard or publicly present it too seriously then it WILL backfire and at best your fandom is fucked until things calm down - at worst those two people might very possibly want to avoid each other because of the unwelcome insinuations and invasiveness. and if you abuse girlfriends/wives as part of it then you'll get an even angrier reaction (yes this is partly included in Lando's story about the breakup with Lu and the hate she got)

even drivers who play gay for jokes have certain limits - Daniel was at least partly genuinely concerned that people thought he was actually dating Max at one point. Carlos was openly disturbed by fans in a 2019/20? livestream who told him to kiss Lando and he pointedly told them they were very very weird in a not at all amused voice. and three of these men were in serious relationships with women at the time those things happened.

and the thing is with landoscar, Lando and Oscar don't do gay stuff as a joke at ALL and they genuinely take a gender neutral line in discussing theoretical dating and romance questions. that could easily be them just being progressive! it doesn’t mean anything that we as strangers can publicly claim about them and definitely not TO them! and specifically with Oscar, we really don’t know his feelings in terms of fans saying even jokey sexual stuff to him but I would personally say err on not doing it too hard. he's not a prude at all but he's absolutely not publicly raunchy or suggestive to a degree a lot of the drivers are. (I'd also like to say mayyyybe even back off of the Lily stuff directly to him, or at least don't get too comfy about it? idk it's been getting a bit much and he's clear about not wanting that part of his life discussed openly. getting weird how ppl keep demanding photos of her under his posts likeeee she's not a commodity ok!)

I usually say how we in landoscar fandom adore Lily - which we do! - but fuck it, even if Oscar or Lando were dating/seeing someone problematic or that we didn’t adore (!!hint!!) it is STILL not justification for pretending Lando and Oscar are in a secret gay relationship and that the woman they're with is just a cover-up/fake. like yes we all happen to love Lily but our respect for her as a human being and the boundaries between ourselves and her isn’t contingent on affection !! it's basic human respect and healthy boundaries !!

it's why I stick to tumblr and discord for really going off w rpf. even if someone tried to share any of it we know damn well none of the drivers will follow an unsolicited tumblr link (idk maybe Fernando might not know but I doubt he goes anywhere near social media DMs aslfgsalj)

but yea I think fandom overall can keep those people who cross boundaries mostly under control without getting into any fandom police bs. we can all go stupid in explicitly fandom spaces like tumblr ao3 etc but anywhere a driver or someone close to them could stumble upon easily it's worth a quick polite word of advice to ppl who are definitely going too far <3

[time-travelling-chaos]

Aziraphale and autism representation: episode 1

So, I was rewatching Good Omens recently, and I wanted to come back on how Aziraphale is represented as autistic in the show. I especially want to focus on the positive representation here, what makes me happy about it and how I see myself (and other autistic people can see themselves as well) in it. I'm probably going to go way too much into small details here, and end up analysing every scene where he is present (but to be fair, an autistic person is always autistic, whatever they are doing even if it's not always visible). And yeah, I'm probably going to be projecting a tiny bit here.

So, let's start with the first episode here, and especially, let's start at the beginning:

When we first see Aziraphale it is at the moment he meets Crowley and the conversation starts like this:

Crowley: That went down like a lead balloon Aziraphale: Yeah. *Laughs* Sorry what was that? Crowley: I said 'Well that went down like a lead balloon' Aziraphale: Yes, yes, it rather did.

There are two points that I find interesting here, about the way Aziraphale reacts to what Crowley says. He doesn't understand or hear the question right away, but still reacts to it before asking Crowley to repeat. One of the ways I read it is processing issues that often happen with autism. Sometimes, it simply takes time to process or to understand and information that has been given (and it has happened to me so many times, asking someone to repeat something to only realise what they have been saying when they start repeating it). Plus, here Aziraphale doesn't actually seems to realise that he has missed the information right away, it takes him a few seconds to do so. And sure, this can happen to everyone, but it happens more often with neurodivergent people, so it's a nice touch. The good thing about that as well, is the reaction of Crowley. He isn't upset, he simply repeats what he just said, and the conversation keeps going. This way of processing information is shown again later, when Crowley says 'it would be funny if we both got it wrong' and Aziraphale chuckles first (because it is objectively funny here) and only then realises the implications of it. [I'll insist here, but none of that means that Aziraphale is stupid. He is, it has been said over and over, a really intelligent being, I'll come back to it later.]

The second interesting point though is about masking. I'll come back to it later, because it's not the most interesting instance of it, but his first reaction to the question, is to pretend that he understood, to pretend that things are ok, and that he was following the conversation correctly, to not show that he didn't understand. And once again it's something that I do a lot. I miss pieces of information all of the time, because I didn't hear it properly, or wasn't focused or simply didn't understand something. And people get easily annoyed by that, plus it can be exhausting sometimes to ask to repeat all the time, so pretending to have heard something, and continuing like nothing happened is also a thing that I'll do quite often.

Now, one of the most visible things here, is the relation that Aziraphale has with eye contact. He makes eye contact with Crowley, plenty of times. But also (and this one also applies to Crowley to some extent), they spend a lot of the conversation not looking at each other.

And this is something that happens often in the show, when they are discussing, they don't always look at each other. It's more visible when Aziraphale is uncomfortable about something, or when he need time to think about something, he'll simply look away for some time, to give himself some time to rest and think properly.

Now, one of of the things I love about him, is his moral sense, and the way he cares. A common autistic trait is a strong sense of justice, but it means, most of the times, having your own sense of justice. And Aziraphale definitely has his own, that doesn't align with Heaven's one. He gives his flaming sword away to protect humanity, without hesitating a second. He doesn't want to kill anyone, not if he can avoid it. He is a strong character, and a protector and I love him for that.

Another thing about him, that can also be seen in that first scene, is that he has a tendency to overthink things. He clearly spent a lot of time worrying about the consequences of giving his sword away before talking to Crowley. While, that, by itself is not a positive trait, it is on that I love seeing in characters, because it is something that needs to be shown and discussed as well.

Now, the next scene where we see Aziraphale is the sushi scene, which shows a completely different side of him. Here, he is relaxed, and doing something he absolutely loves. I adore this part the way it shows the care he has for small things, the small ritual that he follows before eating, how it is shown that it is part of his habits/routine. It's a place he his familiar with, and that he loves. And the specific way he loves it. He takes time to do so, time to enjoy the smell, to care and love things slowly. And this is something I wish I'd let myself do more. Take the time to do things slowly, to fully appreciate them. And of course, that scene pictures the care and love for familiarity, for sameness, for small rituals, not in a boring way but in a caring and comforting way.

And then Gabriel arrives, and his expression changes, he becomes more nervous. And he stops talking freely. There is here a really nice parallel to make between autism masking and Aziraphale's relationship with Heaven. Autism masking is a way to protect yourself by trying to fit in a neurotypical society. And the way Aziraphale acts in Heaven, or in presence of Gabriel is extremely similar to that. He becomes nervous, and careful of what he is saying. Then we have this discussion

Gabriel: Why do you consume that? Aziraphale: It's sushi. It's nice. You dip it in soy sauce Aziraphale: It's what humans do.

And several things can be said about that. First, Gabriel's question wasn't really a question, more of a disguised insult here, to which Aziraphale replies as if it was a literal question from him, which does show some literal thinking. It's not the only instance of that, and a similar reaction will happen later in the discussion with Crowley about Warlock

Crowley: If there was no boy... Aziraphale: But there is a boy. He is right there.

Then, the way he talks about sushi. He is hurt that Gabriel doesn't like sushi, and he starts explaining what it is giving a tiny piece of information about it, and his face completely light up as he does. Food and especially certain type of food such as sushi are definitely one of his special interests, and it makes him really happy. He wants to talk about it, and he wants his interest to be appreciated. But then, he realises that it's not something Gabriel approves of, and hides his own feelings, stop talking about it, and try to justify it, to make his love acceptable (It's what humans do). And, ouch, this hurts. Having to mask your own interest when they are not deemed acceptable or, because you are talking 'too much' about it and it's 'not interesting' is absolutely a common experience of autism, and it is often heartbreaking.

Now, I don't really want to go into details in the relationship between Aziraphale and Heaven, because as I said I would like to focus more on the positive and on the parts that I find relatable, and also because it's a complex relationship and I'm not in Aziraphale's head, but I feel the need to say a few things about it.

Does Aziraphale have faith in Heaven? It's a bit of a complex question here. Plenty of times, he is shown talking about Heaven in what can be seen as positive (Heaven will finally triumph over Hell, we're the good guys). But he is also shown hating it, going directly against it (I don't like it anymore than you do...). He knows that the other Angels are, for most of them (not counting Muriel here), not good, and he is always careful around them. When we see him in Heaven, he has a tense face, makes small, constrained smiles, keeps masking and keeping his thoughts to himself, not trusting them. So where exactly does he stand with Heaven? I do believe that, at least in that season, he still has some faith in God, if not in any of the other angels, as he will end up praying to Her at some point, but there are other factors to take into account when analysing this relation. [Also I'm only focusing on the first season/ first episode here, I'm not going to the end of S2 at all here, which is a completely different topic]

First of all, liking the idea of something does not mean that you will like the thing as it is. To take a personal example here, I love academia. Except I don't. I love the idea of academia, the idea of public research, of being able to learn and to transmit knowledge. But academia is a shitty place. So, so much people are sexists and racists, (queerphobic as well, even if less perceived usually), and a lot of my friends have horror stories of their own about it. A lot of people are burnt-out, tired, it's a system that asks you to work relentlessly to get a chance to survive, in which a lot of people spend more time looking for money to work that actually working. Academia is absolutely awful but the idea of academia is amazing.

Then, as I mentioned it before -and this is the point that I really want to mention here- Heaven is associated to masking. And yeah, here, I know some people have mentioned that Heaven can check on him any time, meaning that he has to keep up appearances, but that's not exactly relevant to what I want to say here. Masking, when done for a long time, becomes a part of who you are, and you sometimes forget a part of who you are without it. For a long time, I used to go back home after my day and not being myself either, acting as if there was still people around me. Because, the rest of the time it's what keeps you safe. So you keep doing it without realising. Sometimes, I catch myself stimming or doing something I like when I'm alone, and I stop myself because it's not something you're supposed to be doing. Masking, when done for a long time, becomes somewhat a part of what you are, even when you are alone and safe.

And in a very similar fashion, it takes a lot of time to unlearn things. Not necessarily masking, but things that you learn from your family, you relatives, and you later realise were incorrect. I don't know how much (if to any extent) autism impacts that, but on some occasions, it had taken me years to manage to unlearn stuff (and some I still struggle with). And it's extraordinarily frustrating, both for you and for the people around you and sometimes hurtful as well. Now, Aziraphale has been with Heaven for thousand, even millions of years, it would make sense that some things stayed in his head. [Now, because I have seen that too many times, NO, he doesn't need to violently realise that Heaven is bad, he know it. In a similar way, I don't need to be let's say screamed at for masking, because it would only trigger the opposite effect. Aziraphale needs to be free from Heaven and some time to heal from it.]

Also, Aziraphale doesn't have any other option than Heaven at the moment (here in S1). Things are going to be destroyed and he will be stuck in Heaven, one way or another. So, maybe a part of it is simply him, trying to convince himself that there is good in Heaven because he doesn't have a choice.

Now, I don't want to say any of these are true, or try to analyse that relationship in more details, those are just a few points that I wanted to mention here, because they are (at least the part about masking) relevant to the rest of the discussion about autism so I'll stop there because there would be so much more to discuss and analyse, but that's not the topic of this post.

But as I was on the topic of Heaven, I'm going to do a small skip forward before going back to a linear discussion of the episode, and talk about that conversation:

I am an angel, you are a demon, we're hereditary ennemis. Get the behing me fool fiend! After you.

Now, I love this sentence, because it says a lot about his relationship with Heaven. He knows Heaven's rules, but he also knows when and when not to follow them. Of course, him and Crowley are enemies, that's how Heaven sees them. But they are also friends, that's how they constructed their own relationship. To some extend, it reminds me of the Don't Play With Liquid Nitrogen moment. [And before I go any further in my explanation, I'll emphasise on that: DO NOT PLAY WITH LIQUID NITROGEN, it doesn't matter whatever I say next, DO NOT PLAY WITH LIQUID NITROGEN GUYS].

When I was doing an internship in my second year of bachelor, one of the person I was working with started to show me and another student something, and told us that we were not supposed to play with liquid nitrogen, while himself splashing so of it around. The thing is, liquid nitrogen is dangerous, but when you know how to do it, you can touch it for a few seconds without getting burnt. And here it is a bit of a similar situation. By simply following the rules, they shouldn't interact, let alone be friends. But they've been there for long enough to properly understand the situation, and to know they can follow their own rules instead of Heaven and Hell's ones.

Now, back to the rest of the episode. After the scene with Gabriel, we next see Aziraphale in the bookshop. He is putting up his coat on the hanger, and while doing that, he is humming along with the classical music in the background. Here, he is at home, a place where he can be himself, do whatever he likes. And I love that we see him stim along with the music. We see him stim plenty of times during the show (with the music, when he eats...) and it shows that it's a part of who he is. And most importantly, it's never shown negatively or mocked, and yeah, it's just so great to see a character stimming (and I'll add: stimming in a non-cliché way. Everyone's stims are different and do not always fit the cliché representation that most people have of it) and enjoying doing so, in moments of relaxation and happiness.

And in the second part of that scene, the phone rings, and he is visibly annoyed. He likes the quiet, doesn't like been around people (even if he loves humanity and people themselves) and doesn't like unexpected things to happen. And thus, he also immediately goes to an automated script instead of starting a conversation (I'm afraid we're quite definitely closed).

Now, I'll take the opportunity to mention the bookshop itself, because I absolutely love it. To be fair, it would be one of my dream place in the world, but that's not the topic here.

The bookshop is such a comforting place. The lights are dim and it's quiet (despite the outside of it being in a crowded place, so that probably took a miracle), which makes it a dream to relax and avoid overstimulation. But also, it's a place where he stores everything related to another of his special interests: books (and also wines, and other things he loves). So books are a special interest that I share with him, so of course, it's something that I means a lot to be, but to be able to be surrounded by so much of things you love, with music you love in the background, it's simply amazing , and I'm repeating myself here, but it's absolutely a dream place to be. Plus, going back to the representation part, it's so, so important to see special interests shown as they are. Once again, not in a cliché way (and by saying that, I have absolutely nothing against special interests that can be considered more cliché (look a me right now, writing an essay on two of my current ones, autism and Good Omens)) but simply them being things that people can usually enjoy, but to a much strong extent in Aziraphale's case. And once again, it's never here to be made fun of, simply to be shared and appreciated.

Something notable as well about Aziraphale is his posture. He sits in a very straight way, that doesn't seems comfortable. Now, autistic people tend to have more the opposite problem, which is to have bad posture. But a usual one is also a notable sign as well. But also, his posture when walking is interesting.

He is holding his hands close to his body, and most of the time is stimming once more, with his hands (or perhaps with his ring as well). And this type of posture, is so, so nice to see. When I was younger, I had the tendency to hold my arms around my stomach, in a way that was a bit similar to the way Aziraphale is holding himself in the picture above. And, of course, I got scolded and criticised for it, until I stopped doing so. So seeing Aziraphale having a similar posture, and knowing the type of comfort it can bring, and how this type of contact is important, makes me really happy.

Now, I'm diverting a bit from the topic for a second here, but there is an interesting parallel to make between Aziraphale's posture, and the one of the other angels:

When we look at the angels in Heaven, they all hold their hands in front of them, but it's in a tense way trying to show authority and rigor, while for Aziraphale, it's in a more relaxed way, and the goal for him is comfort. It's similar, but it's also so different, and it creates and interesting contrast between Aziraphale and the other angels.

And when I'm talking about the posture, I'd also like to mention the vocabulary. Aziraphale's vocabulary is peculiar, old-fashioned, but it's also really precise. Now, that is not something I particularly relate to, but a lot of autistic people do tend to have a very specific and precise vocabulary to communicate their ideas in the clearest way possible, and I like that this is something we can find in Aziraphale as well.

Quickly after the discussion between Aziraphale and Crowley, they discuss going out for lunch, and mention the last time that happen, and start discussing the reign of terror, to which Aziraphale replies 'We had crepes'.

And while he does so, his face absolutely lights up. Now, I've seen people mentioning the fact that Aziraphale doesn't really show (or worst doesn't really have) emotions, but this scene is so much the opposite of that. When he is talking about something he love, he is so expressive and his love for it is so visible. And I love seeing that, seeing the love for special interests being accepted and represented in such a positive way. Now, when talking about emotions, there is a sharp contrast between this scene and the previous one, where they were discussing about Heaven where he kept his face neutral. Having a neutral face is something that is often seen as one of the characteristics of autism, but it's not fully true. First of all, it can be related to masking (and I've already discussed the relationship between Heaven and masking here) but also, it usually depends a lot on the situation, and when autistic people are talking about their interests, they can, in fact, be very expressive, as this can be seen here with Aziraphale.

Another thing that I love about that scene is how he connects the discussion to one of his interests. Now, another characteristic of autism is to see patterns between things, and for a long time, I thought this didn't quite applied to me. But it does, and usually in the way it's shown here with Aziraphale. When I have a special interest, I have a tendency to find way to connect everything to it, to make links between ordinary things and my interest, and that was a really cool thing to see here.

And now the dinner scene. I've mostly already discussed everything happening in the scene before, but I'll just say it again, because it shows that those things are constants in Aziraphale's character, and not a one time thing. First is his love for food, that we can see there once more. Then he is once more stimming after eating. And also, he is finishing eating much after Crowley already finished his meal. He takes his time, takes the time to really savour the things he loves, and I love that for him.

Another thing that I want to mention, is his gardener disguise (and much later in the show, his newspaperman disguise). It is, in both cases, so exaggerated, and shows a lot about how he comprehends the world. It's something that I can connect to the idea of learning how to be human only from what you see in shows and books, and that's something a lot of autistic people can related to. (And of course, this rarely works in real life, the same way that it seems odd in the show).

There is another interesting point to mention, and that's questions. When we think about Good Omens and questions, we directly think about Crowley, and him asking questions. But in the show, at least in that first episode, Aziraphale is the one asking a lot of questions. Especially about how precisely things will happen.

Won't people remark on the sudden appearance of a huge black dog? His parents for a start?

He needs precise information to know how things will happen and to be able to prepare for what will happen, and that, once again, is a strong autistic trait. (I could also discuss about the fact of Heaven not liking questions, and autistic people usually being criticise when asking questions to understand clearly what to do, but I think that would be going a bit too far in the analysis here.) Still, I love seeing the way he understands the world, and the way he sees the potential issues that could arise. And also, there is that scene with Crowley, that I particularly relate to.

Aziraphale: If he comes to his full powers, how will we stop him? Crowley: This won't happen. Aziraphale: *quick annoyed smile*

And this scene is important, because it shows the difference of what autistic people can expect when the ask a question, and what other people understand. Here Crowley tries to reassure him, and Aziraphale gets slightly annoyed, because it was not what he needed. This is a situation I've been here before, and when I ask this type of question (because at the same time I'm overthinking and I need to plan how I'll act and have a plan) people offer reassurance. And this is rarely helpful to handle the situation, because in that type of case, what I need is answers (or at least something like 'we'll figure it out'. Because things can go wrong, and I need to be prepared for this eventuality as well). And yeah, I really like the scene for showing that discrepancy between what is needed by autistic people, and the answer that other people usually provide.

One more of Aziraphale's special interests is magic, and it has quite an important part in the show.

As it's the case with all of the times we see special interest, we also see Aziraphale being extremely happy with it, and his face always lighting up. But this one is a bit different because he is bad at it. When he does magic, he is clumsy, and drops things and fails most of the time. And that's great, for two different reasons. First of all, clumsiness, and poor space management is often a part of autism, and it's one that is rarely shown or represented, so it's something that I like to see. But, and most importantly, it shows that you don't need to be good at something to enjoy it, and this, by itself is amazing. And it's especially great in the context of special interest, where once again, one of the clichés is that autistic people have to know everything and to excel at their interets, which can end up putting a lot of pressure on people (also as some autistic people, myself included, are extremely perfectionists). So seeing him simply enjoying it without being good at it is refreshing here, and helpful as well.

I'm now going to very quickly mention that conversation when the Hellhound doesn't arrive

Aziraphale: Wrong boy Crowley: Wrong boy

Simply because I've discussed earlier in the post about processing issues, and about how it had nothing to do about Aziraphale's intelligence. Well, here is a perfect example of it, because this time, just after learning about the situation he is able to have a good understanding of the situation, and, if that's completely obvious for us, it is much less to them.

And I'm now going to conclude with that sentence said by Aziraphale at the end of the episode: Welcome to the end times.

I don't have any specific analysis behind that one, I just happen to particularly love it and I wanted to share it once more.

And to conclude a bit more with that analysis of the first episode, I absolutely love how Aziraphale is depicted in the show. He is a strong and caring character, but also a very complex one. I find it really great that his character is able to show the good and the part parts of autism, and also, that it never turns any of it as a joke, nor goes strongly in the clichés. So, yeah, I absolutely love him.

So at first I was planning to do a similar analysis for every episode, but I had not realised how much time and energy this would cost me. I really loved doing it though, so I might continue, but I'm not making any promise here.

[mikuni14]

Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo - Ep 7-8

There have certainly been many smart words written about the finale, I've managed to read only one post so far (and I totally agree with it), I've got a busy end of the week and don't really have time to read more. So I'll quickly list what I particularly liked about the finale:

as far as I can tell, the series probably wrapped up all the threads. Some things may be a bit incomprehensible, but I think that may have been the creators' intention, so that we could guess many things rather than be told specifically by the series. Like, for example, the reasons why JuYeong stayed and took care of DoHoe's father. There could be several such reasons and each one is good (and each one could be wrong lol). Such a wrap-up of threads, a satisfying finale and leaving viewers with a sense of closure is not that common in BL series, especially those that aspire to be more serious, we all know that 🤷‍♀️ so I really appreciate it!

the actors are excellent, I really liked, for example, how looking at DoHoe's body, figure, face, one could clearly deduce his current condition. This zombie-like rigidity, apathy versus ease, a broad smile, uncontrollable bursts of laughter... it was just 👌

I liked this juxtaposition of the oppressive, homophobic, obedience-enforcing and punishing version of religion, with the positive version of religion, i.e. "and the truth shall set you free" :) Because yes, truth, honesty, liberated DoHoe, made him feel free at last, made him feel at peace

I liked this "simple, ordinary" ending in general, where the answer turned out to be a simple, ordinary truth and honesty. Even if it involves pain, loss of something, consequences. And how even these consequences cannot overshadow the overwhelming sense of freedom and peace that is immediately visible in DoHoe. I like the lack of a sugary-sweet ending: DoHoe suffers the consequences of his lies, although as viewers we root for him and want him not to be punished at all

I absolutely love JuYeon's unconditional feelings, how he helps DoHoe over and over again, just like HyeonHo, who, even when rejected, after a difficult conversation, is still ready to help DoHoe

just like the unconditional standing by the child, even at their own expense

JuYeong, when he is serious and so matter-of-fact, when he sees reality for what it is, not believing DoHoe's "mean" but also empty words about breaking up. How many such situations have we seen, when one rejects the other for Noble Motives, or Out of Fear, or for some other Bullshit Reason, when due to an irritating lack of communication the other leaves hurt and then, frustrated, we watch them suffer for several episodes convinced of their unrequited love 😬 JuYeong is not like that, he knows DoHe, he believes in his love, he doesn't believe DoHoe's words because he knows him - this knowledge of the other person, their past, their personality is something I love in my romances, and what makes me believe in love watched on screen as a viewer. Personally, I can't stand this trope when someone is pretending or saying something ooc for them and the other person just buys it. I always ask then: do you even know who you love? Because it's so obvious ooc for them! 😤Super happy that JuYeong is like "I'm not going anywhere and I don't think you actually mean it"

I love how they talk about themselves, their relationship, their life together, their future together, like a real couple, real people 🥰

I love JuYeong because he educated himself in various, sometimes serious, sometimes funny topics 🤩 I often hear men people complaining that they can't handle various things because their parents / school / no one taught them, while Google and books in the library are free. JuYeong asks the internet how to live and how to be a perfect little boyfriend for his pookie and the internet answers him lmao, this is just so simple and perfect. JuYeong is the best!

teddy-bear pajamas! (I will put a gif of them later, love it so much!)

HyeonHo is so fiiiiiine

(apologies for the screenshot from the gray pages but I can't make them on Gaga)

To sum up: I won't hide the fact that whether it's my own fault, or the fault of the subtitles, or the plot, or the aura of depressiveness, but episodes 4-7 were incomprehensible and chaotic for me in some parts, overly complicated at times with conversations full of ambiguities and understatements to the point of being incomprehensible (but I also completely buy the fact that I'm just too stupid to catch all the nuances lol). Overall, the series is very good, although unlike Where Your Eyes Linger, I can only watch it once. The series showed the long-term effects of domestic violence very well, realistically but with respect for the victims, without sugarcoating, without idealizing the victims. It also showed struggling with traumas, which is not always successful, it also shows how important unconditional support is, but also coming face to face with the unpleasant consequences of untreated traumas. It shows the value of love, friendship, honesty, doing what is right, without irritating moralizing. The series had a very realistic vibe, I was able to imagine all of DoHoe's feelings, and the actor convincingly played him as a lost kid, tangled in his own guilt, traumas, lies, yearning for love and hope - even though he is an adult.

The only tiny reservation I have about the series is that I would like more of JuYeong, who has also suffered so much, but from the beginning he has been a strong,leading force in their relationship and is often "the adult one". However, his type of personality, his openness, courage, honesty and straightforwardness are responsible for the fact that he copes relatively better with difficult situations. So it's not really any complaint, more an observation ;)

But apart from that, this series is really good aaaand has a good, happy ending, yay!💖

[fohatic]

48-hours shy of six months to the day, tumblr has restored my blog to full functionality (no longer classifying it as "explicit") after a lengthy stint in horny jail.

what does this mean? my blog is now searchable, my posts are no longer hidden under tags, my posts can be linked, i get to have a damn icon + customizable blog page... but perhaps most exciting of all:

I NOW HAVE A WORKING ARCHIVE AGAIN, which means that you can also browse my tags! 🙏 i've just updated my featured tags, so these are easily navigable from my archive (see "tag" pull-down menu at the top). feel free to explore these! highlights include:

my fanfic -> all my fic posts/posts that feature my fics

my edit (see also: manip) -> my manip fanart or contributions to others' posts ("manip" also includes other people's manips, FYI)

fic rec -> fics that i recommend/others recommend that i co-rec

stony -> a big mishmash of fun! (see also: tony stark + steve rogers)

stevecore/tonycore/stonycore -> posts that remind me of them ♥

rdj -> (so much pretty) + chris evans -> (♥)

gorgeous fanart -> the tag i collect a ton of fanart under

yes good -> posts that really "get it" (mostly stony stuff)

writing + fanfiction -> meta stuff!

fave -> the best stuff!

about me -> a gratuitous excess of TMI about me (in tags)

*IMPORTANT: if you do not want to see potentially nsfw adult content from me, please block the following tags:

nsfk -> "not safe for kids" stuff that's iffy (general safety warning)

porny tag -> stuff that's basically porn

(note that i don't tag stuff "nsfw" bc this can negatively impact the op's account or post visibility; tumblr police are all over this tag)

(gifs via x)

it's been awhile, but it's finally time* to turn up the temperature around here again... 🔥😈

[protip: if you enter the full title of any of my fics in a tag search, you'll likely find some thematically relevant goodness 👌😏]

as always, i'm thrilled whenever anyone goes through and likes/reblogs a bunch of stuff from me -- don't be shy! i'm also open to pretty much any kind of ask (sometimes i don't participate in the chain stuff but it's nothing personal).

one thing i'll ask is that if you do find anything you like on my blog, consider reblogging it from me instead of directly from the op? as a seasoned "blog diver" (🤿🦪💎) who sometimes spends many hours of my actual life scouring the internet for certain posts (which often haven't seen any action in years), i really appreciate when i see even a little spike in my activity feed from these before they start getting circulated again <333

also, i plan to keep using @moon-language-0 as a place to store all my original fanart and fanfic posts for easy access. it's very convenient :)

[otakusheep15]

Hi hi hiii! An here for the trade! Please no rook or trey or anyone from savanaclaw

She/her, Gemini, Intp, 5w4

Asexual/heteromantic

Chaotic Good

Appearance: 164cm. Brown wavy hair, dark Brown eyes. Curvy body I guess? I'm pale with visible beauty marks like on my lips. I wear glasses/sunglasses. I've been described as cute and a tease because I always bite my lips out of habit lol. I often have a tired/annoyed expression or a smile. I wear comfy clothes and even pj outside. Or cliché villain clothes, no in between. I try to wear gloves to stop myself from bitting my nails. I guess I am slightly overweight? 80kg due to medical reasons and a weird metabolism, plus I have heavy bones

About me:

I appear as cold and very sarcastic. But I can be charismatic when I want. I'm always polite unless I dislike you (you'll know it because I become passive agressive). How I act depends on how you act with me, unless I'm in a bad mood. In that case I isolate to not be too mean. I act flirty around my friends and is known for sometimes playing with hearts (I'm oblivious to it). I'm petty and can go very far out of spite or vengeance. I curse a lot and will call you out on your bullshit with no issue no matter who you are. Did I loose people over this? Yes.

I'm moody and not a morning person AT ALL. I'm brutally honest and it affected some friendships because people sometimes won't dare to approach me. I'm also socially obvious to a lot of things. I'm very curious and have a short attention span.

Getting along with me is easy peasy. As long as you're not a hypocrite we will get along. Now getting to know me is....nearly impossible. No friend of mine has managed to make me spill my problems even though they share theirs and I help them out. Even when I think I am sharing I am apparently not? My trust issues issues are too important for that lol. I don't open up and bottle my feelings all the time till I shut down or explode. I isolate a lot when I have problems or I'm just thinking (I love daydreaming). I'm rebellious but also a smooth talker. My friends know I have good intentions and would never wrong an innocent person. I'm the smart but reckless friend cuz I'll always hype up bad ideas for fun. I can be a bit naïve, I often assume that people don’t have a hidden agenda and it caused me problems in the past because spoiler alert they do! Now we all have some kind of hidden agenda but if I am in your team and you try to pull one over me…No mercy. I have morbid curiosity and shared dubious experimental ideas....Yes I am the type that can eat and look at a crime scene. I'm more logical than emotional. I'm ambitious and can't stand my own failure. But I'm also lazy and a procrastinator which is a terrible combo. I'm always willing to debate and learn new things because knowledge is very important to me. I'm creative and innovative, I know when to get to business. I'm very competitive and try to hide it. Yeah I have an ego, so what? if you don't have a solid argument with me, I'll destroy you.

Despite that, I joke a lot and never take anything seriously. It happens that I underestimate people. I'm a big tease and love to rile up people and see them get angry. I subtly insult people when they piss me off.

Because of that, I get very lonely and I'm misunderstood. I can handle being alone quite well since most of my friends betrayed me. Including a very close one who encouraged me to open up for years...and then they wonder why I have trust issues (if you want to confess just do it why wait years and then be like I don’t believe in boy girls friendships). I don't recognize my own feelings and mask that pretty well as it fools everyone. I don't consider myself to be a good person for some reasons. I envy easily and get annoyed easily because I want to succeed above all lol. Oh and I love money. I like gifting my friends and receiving gifts.

Hobbies:

Reading (mystery, thriller, fantasy), true crime, video games, drawing, baking (I’m quite good at it. It started mostly by being non satisfied over local bakeries qualities or prices), fighting sports (sparing and shooting), learning, daydreaming. I love space and mad scientists stories. My aesthetic is definitely related to those subjects as well as the sea and stars.I used to write poetry. I enjoy gacha games…just for the gamba part and lore

Likes:

Cats, sweet foods, plushies, hoodies, gossip (putting those reddit stories in the background), cheese, red flags, puzzles, true crime, juicy parts of history, mythology, sleeping or just lying in bed. I lowkey likes organizing BUT my room is very messy Dislikes:

I am thalassophobic, dogs, crowded places, someone that’s forceful, bullying, foods that have a lot of oily sauce…and if it’s deep fried but has too much oil. Being bored.

I hate owing something to someone. While yes I deal around and ask for favors I always repay in equal or more value. I’ll scam you if you scam me tho….I always have receipts or pictures

In a relationship:

I'm the chillest person. I don't get jealous or clingy. You can do whatever you want. I'm always here to give you advices because helping you out, giving you my time and giving you gifts is my love langage. It bothered my last boyfriend because he thought I wasn't emotionally present and isolated a lot (He knew what he was getting into. Then He cheated). I love cuddles but I'll take time to accept physical touch. I enjoy a partner that can keep up with me and be patient and honest because I value honesty in their feelings. I don’t care if they hide things, we all do, as long as it’s not gonna hurt me or us in the long run. Yes I like red flags and a friend called me a beige flag whatever it means. I enjoy stealing clothes and would prefer a taller partner. Not gonna lie…a little possessive/protective is cute. Make me feel wanted.

I also love receiving gifts because uh...I grew up with them validating love. I hate * cowardly people. I don't fall first and don't make the first move. Worse, there’s a high chance I say yes but will give it a period to see if I can develop feelings. I will be honest about my partner over this.

Also, due to exes I’d rather have someone taller than me. And someone smart...

I speak Arabic, French and English. I'm an only child.

Reading your description, I immediately had a few people in mind. I thought about Lilia, but since you wanted someone taller, I excluded him. Floyd seemed like a good match, but I think you two would clash more often than not. I was actually very close to choosing Ace, but just before I started writing, another person came to mind, and I found that I liked him a lot better as your match. 

In the end, I decided that your perfect match would be Vil. 

Vil is not very sarcastic, but he is quite cold as well. He can definitely be polite, but only if he thinks you deserve it (or if he has to). His attitude is very dependent on how others treat him, so the two of you definitely have that in common. Vil isn’t particularly flirty with just anyone, but he can be if he’s interested in you, or if he’s close with someone, like Rook. Vil is practically the queen of revenge. He’s classy and meticulous with it, except for when he’s really mad, like the incident in Book 5. He doesn’t curse often, and he might chastise you for it on occasion, but he is equally as likely to call someone out on their bullshit. He doesn’t care too much about losing someone over this, as they clearly weren’t worth it if they can’t handle the truth. 

Vil is the total opposite of you when it comes to being a morning person. He wakes up early, mostly so he can begin his morning routine. He’d be a bit upset about you sleeping in, but if you genuinely don’t like being woken up, he’ll let you sleep. He might try to get you into a routine later in your relationship, but he would never push you if it’s not something you want. Vil also tends to be brutally honest, especially with people he doesn’t like. That being said, his honesty is often presented as proper and formal, as if he is a queen insulting a court jester. 

It’s alright if you have a short attention span. Vil will definitely help you if it’s something you want to work on, but it’s certainly not a deal-breaker for him if you don’t care. He has to deal with people (*cough* Epel *cough*) having short attention spans all the time, so it’s no issue for him. He also likes that you’re curious, as he is knowledgeable about a wide variety of topics, and he’s always willing to learn more as well. 

I think you and Vil would get along well overall. He is definitely the type that is hard to open up around at first, but if he likes you, even as a friend, he’s actually very nice. He’s not one to pressure you into opening up, choosing to let you do it on your own time. He’s kind of the same in that regard, often choosing to keep up a mask until he’s comfortable. A lot of that does ceom from his celebrity status, but he’s also just a closed-off person in general. It’s okay if you have trust issues, as Vil does as well. That’s something the two of you could work on together as your relationship progresses. Of course, if you’re about to explode, Vil would like to help you, but he understands that it can be hard to open up, especially if it’s not something you’re used to doing. He’d try to prevent you from isolating if he knew you were having problems, but he’s also good at giving you your space to breathe, especially if you just want to think. 

Normally, Vil isn’t too fond of rebelliousness, but I think he’d make an exception for you. Even if he won’t admit it, he is very fond of Epel, and in a way, your rebelliousness reminds Vil of Epel. He feels a sort-of exasperated fondness for your rebellious chaos, but he’d never say it out loud. What he will say is that he does appreciate the fact that you would never wrong someone who doesn’t deserve it, as he feels the same way. 

It’s okay if you’re a bit naive, as Vil has plenty of experience with people who have hidden agendas. Unfortunately, fame comes with consequences, and those types of people tend to be one of them. If he senses someone has an agenda involving you, he’ll be quick to point it out to you. He’s also very pro-revenge, and will absolutely help you in any revenge plots you scheme up. 

This is leaning a bit toward headcanon territory, but I think Vil would enjoy true crime to a certain extent. He’s not squemish or anything, and he’s very difficult to disturb. He isn’t as into it as you are, but he has no problem sitting down and listening to you talk about your interests, and he even digs into it a bit himself so that he can contribute more to conversations on the topic. 

Vil also tends to be on the more logical side of things, so you have a similarity there as well. He is very ambitious, and failure sometimes causes him to spiral, as seen in Book 5. He is not lazy or a procrastinator, and that is something he will chastise you about on a regular basis. He’s not pushy on a lot of things, but he will be pushy about making you do your work, especially since he knows how ambitious you are. 

You two have debates all the time. It’s never very serious, as most of them are over trivial matters, but it’s still something that happens regularly. Like you, he’s very creative and innovative, as shown by his contributions to the Film Studies club. The two of you could be good collaborators as long as you’re both invested and don’t butt heads. Speaking of which, Vil tends to be competitive as well, which could cause an issue if you aren’t careful. Relationships are never perfect, and this would be your biggest relationship flaw. Sometimes, the two of you clash, and since you’re both competitive, neither of you are willing to compromise. Fortunately, Vil is also a good communicator, so you’re able to work through it most of the time. Just be careful not to let your competitiveness get the better of you. Still, Vil does appreciate that you have an ego, as he does as well. He has a hard time dealing with pushovers. 

Another issue, albiet a smaller one, is that you don’t take anything seriously. You and Vil would definitely clash in that regard, which could cause problems. He would get upset if you aren’t taking something seriously, especially if it’s something important to him. It’s a habit he’ll try to fix in you, which could also cause some conflict if that isn’t something you want. Vil can also be quite the tease, but he doesn’t like when people try to rile him up. It’s hard to make him genuinely angry, but he will get annoyed if you push him too far. That being said, as long as you both try to fix these issues and there’s proper communication between you, it shouldn’t be too bad overall. 

With Vil, you won’t be misunderstood. Even if he doesn’t fully understand a specific trait or hobby of yours, he does his best to understand every part of you. He studies up on every hobby and interest you have, and he’s more than happy to ask you questions about the things you enjoy. He would never lead you on in any way, and he would have no reason to betray you. If he has any intentions, he’ll just tell you like it is. 

I think your mask would come off with time and with Vil’s help. He’s patient and understanding, willing to wait as long as it takes for you to open up. He makes you feel comfortable and relaxed, and he’s always willing to listen to you if you need to talk. He would never consider you a bad person, just someone who is flawed. Everyone has their flaws, and he is no exception. Like you, he is rather envious and cares about success. This is another thing the two of you can work on together, helping each other become better. 

As a side note, Vil has so, so much money, and he has no problem letting you use it. Of course, he’s a believer in moderation, but he also loves spoiling you, so he would definitely go against his own rules for you in that regard. 

As for your dorm, I think you’d fit well in Diasomnia. Most of the students are elusive and mysterious, and it’s pretty quiet overall. Most other students leave you alone, allowing you to stick to yourself. The students within Diasmonia are pretty close-knit, however, so you’ll still have a solid community of like-minded yet diverse people. I think you’d get along well with people like Malleus and Lilia as friends. 

You and Vil have the best chance of meeting in class. He finds you interesting, and unlike a lot of other students, he’s not particularly scared of those in Diasomnia. He would approach you first, and I think a friendship would be quick to form. On the surface, you two are very similar, so it’s easy to get along. As you get closer, small bits and pieces of his mask begin to crack, and yours would do the same. Deeper complexities would begin to show on both sides, and your bond would deepen as well. 

He would confess first, as he is very confident in himself and his abilities to charm you. Your relationship would be very chill overall. He is a bit on the clinger side, but it’s not overbearing at all. He’s also not very jealous, as he knows very few people can compare to him. Your love languages match up well, as he also enjoys gift-giving and quality time. Physical touch is nice to him, but he also doesn’t mind if you need time to warm up to the idea. He’s a bit touchy, sometimes enjoying hand-holding or keeping his arm wrapped around you, but if it makes you uncomfortable, he has no problem stopping. He also has no issues with keeping up with you, and he values patience and honesty as well. He would never rush you into anything, and he’ll let you know exactly what’s on his mind. Luckily for you, Vil is very tall, and he has no problem letting you steal his clothes. While he isn’t jealous, he can be possessive, especially if he takes you to high-end events because of his job. He has his arm around your waist at all times, leading you through crowds and glaring at anyone who tries to get too personal with you. 

Overall, your relationship is complex and personal. The two of you would definitely have some issues to work out, but Vil is always patient and supportive. He will stick by you no matter what, and communication is a constant for both of you. He is good at expressing his feelings for you, and he would never make you feel unloved or lonely. It’s a sweet, slow-burn relationship that allows for both of you to grow as both people and a couple.

Rules for matchups

[davycoquette]

Questionnaire~

Thank you for the tag, @drchenquill!

1. Is writing a hobby or way of life?

I always call it a hobby, but almost always prefixed with some form of, "greatest," "most important," or "favorite." I think way of life fits a helluva lot better. I've been writing since I can remember.

2. A journal full of writing notes or a clean, completed manuscript?

The journal one. I have like 900 I'm actively writing in at this very moment.

3. Who (or what) is your writing inspiration?

Cormac McCarthy. The love I have for my shitty characters. The agonizing unignorable need to put words on paper or screen.

4.Which is worse: someone you "idolize" reading your first draft or listening to you sing?

The singing one. I am not ashamed of my writing, but I have been taught to be ashamed of my singing lmfao. Which is weird and dumb because singing isn't something I go around telling people I can do decently - I don't tell people, "Oh, I sing," or, "I'm a singer." So, I have nothing to prove on that front, yet... I don't think I could make a peep of noise if someone said, "Sing me a song." Meanwhile, even when my writing's not at it's best, I'm like, "Yeah, I'm a writer. Here's some shit I wrote that isn't good. Sometimes I write good stuff, though."

5. Has writing from someone else's POV ever changed your own perspective?

I mean... in the literal sense, sure. A story looks different from the eyes of a character. By the same token, it helps me "understand" when people make choices I've not personally made. I think, for this reason, it's important to write about characters with different belief systems than we have - to write about them as sympathetic people with complex emotions. Not just to villainize or cathartically punish them, but to explore why people do the things they do and what life events might drive them in that direction. But cathartic character murder has its time and place, and who am I suggest what others write? Y'all do y'all.

6. Tumblr, AO3, LiveJournal, or FFN?

I have not used LiveJournal since I was a teen - is it still a thing people use??? That sounds nostalgic and fun. Not sure what FFN is; something to do with fanfiction? I only write original fiction, so that rules it out if so. AO3 is very cool, but the interface isn't my favorite. Also fanfic-heavy, so I never know if I've got a place there. Tumblr always freaked me right the fuck out, but the Writeblr community has proven to be my favorite writing community I've discovered online. And in a very short timespan, I might add!

7. AO3 wordcount, and are you satisfied with it?

I do not use AO3 but wordcounts can never be high enough 😎

8. What movie/book/fic gripped you irrevocably?

Probably too many to count. Little House on the Prairie A Separate Peace The Road Fight Club (recently rewatching this was humbling because it showed me how much of my writerly personality seems to be inspired by the way it rearranged my brain chemicals) Bullet Train (I fucken love this movie) Lawn Dogs Box of Moonlight Harold and Maude (book & movie) Pride and Prejudice (book & movie)

9. What’s the highest compliment you’ve ever been given, and have you been given it?

I've received some absolute banger compliments, and I don't want to dismiss any in favor of others. My favorite compliments are often ...questions? Just things that let me know people really did read, absorb, and are interested in things I wrote. Also, my love language is when people think about me of their own volition. So, any time people come to me apropos of nothing or say "this reminds me of you/your characters/your writing, I giggle and kick my feet and do a lil' happy dance.

10. What defines your writing style?

Gritty, casual. If it was art, it'd be the kind with the sketchlines still visible. Deep, silly. Visceral, I hope.

Taglist and blank template under the cut!

@albatris

@capnmachete

@harmonic-melodii

@illarian-rambling

@michellekarnold

@nathaniel-zellos

@sableglass

@saturnine-saturneight

1. Is writing a hobby or way of life?

2. A journal full of writing notes or a clean, completed manuscript?

3. Who (or what) is your writing inspiration?

4.Which is worse: someone you "idolize" reading your first draft or listening to you sing?

5. Has writing from someone else's POV ever changed your own perspective?

6. Tumblr, AO3, LiveJournal, or FFN?

7. AO3 wordcount, and are you satisfied with it?

8. What movie/book/fic gripped you irrevocably?

9. What’s the highest compliment you’ve ever been given, and have you been given it?

10. What defines your writing style?

[bloggingboutburgers]

Heyyyyy, got a question if you don't mind

I'm aroace. The problem (I think) is that I'm not visibly aroace (can one even be visibly aroace?) and I'm also quite antisocial in general.

It's not that I'm hiding it (I can (I think) casually mention it when relevant) or that I'm in the closet, I just don't really feel the need to change my appearance due to it. If that makes sense

Anyway, now for the (I suppose) controversial bit.

Due to not being "visibly" queer, I don't face (I think at least) the using discrimination (or whatever you call it).

And due to that I sometimes (quite often) don't feel like I'm "actually" queer/aroace.

And yes, I know that it super fucked up to "want" (not the right word, but I'm not English. Just to clarify in case it's not obvious, I do not actual want that) to face the challenges other people do.

Any advice for this?

(extra appreciated if the advice doesn't include going out and/or meeting people, it that's just wishful thinking)

Hey! OK, I hope I don't ruin anyone's day (including yours) or say anything that might be harmful to anyone, as always I'm not gospel and can only speak from my own experience...

...But long story short, honestly, if you don't feel discriminated against, and don't suffer from it on a day to day basis... That's awesome!! And... I feel weird having to say this, but I don't think suffering discrimination should be a requirement for being queer, should it? I mean, that's literally our goal, as queer people, to end discrimination against ourselves, so if this is a demonstration that we're getting closer to that, that's awesome, honestly!

...But yeah. I mean... I hope it's not a stretch to say, but I can imagine there's quite a few queer people out there (not just aroaces) who have had the luck in their life never to be discriminated against, and I hope that continues for them, because... Yeah, that's the goal!

Being queer isn't about that, I don't think. I think first and foremost what defines you as queer is that you deviate from the hetero norm that is viewed as the "default" in society. And I've said that before and I'll say it again, because it might be even harder to actually integrate as an aroace (there's so much external pressure from in and out of the queer community, and yeah, like you said, it's hard to be visible when your orientation revolves around the ABSENCE of something), but you don't have to prove anything to anyone. If you feel you're aroace, then you are. It oughta be that simple most times.

Plus... Not feeling discriminated against at one point in your life sadly doesn't mean that won't happen later down the line. When I discovered myself as aroace as a teen, I didn't really feel my orientation gave me many problems, other than having zero resources at the time to figure out what I was even existed, and being mistaken for gay and facing the occasional homophobia because I didn't date boys. But after a while, after getting into adulthood and being dismissed a couple too many times when I mention my orientation, after the lack of rep getting to me at times (though hey, there IS rep, which I didn't even think I'd see in my lifetime), or after people decide you're old enough to ask you when you're gonna get married too many times for comfort (why do people even do that?), it kinda stuck with me to the point where I wanted to vent in comics. I don't have much to complain about in my life at all! Thankfully the laws in my country or the society I live in can't FORCE me to follow a hetero pattern, so the worst I get is systemic stuff and micro-aggressions, so yeah, I have it good. It's just an itch on a day-to-day. But yeah, made me wanna talk about it sometimes I guess.

But yeah! My bottomline would be: you're in a good situation, from what I understand, and that's great. I hope for you that it lasts. And you shouldn't feel guilty or less valid as an aroace or as a queer person for it. Your experience and your identity are what they are and no one can define your identity but yourself. I know saying "don't feel guilty" or "feel more valid" is easier said than done, but I hope that helps, anyway TwT

[heavenisaplaceonearth-with-you]

I NEED TO GET MY TC FEELINGS OFF MY CHEST, I HAVE TERRIBLE TASTE AND HE’S AWFUL 😭 💀

I’m an adult, and I have a professor who will be teaching me for 2 more semesters at the college I attend, the subject is niche and he’s somewhere in the 50-60 year old range but HE’S SINGLE AND HE’S SO FINEEE I AM GOING TO EXPLODE

I keep thinking he’s into me, because in front of the whole class he regularly teases the guy who visibly likes me, and then he looks my way and laughs; he always makes fun of that guy for copying my answers and sitting super close to me (the girlies are always fighting!! and by girlies I mean the 21 year old and the senior citizen)

This professor is notorious for being a dick but he’s always unusually nice to me, he tends to answer students’ questions in unhelpful, roundabout ways, but whenever I ask him something he always gives me such an elaborate answer; he’s so curt and to the point, but with me he’s always YAPPINGGG I love him sm

There have been a few times where I was panicking in his class because of how stressful and intense the drills/material can get, and I think he’s noticed bc he would skip calling on me and come back to me when there was an easier question I could answer, it was almost sweet but this man is NOT a sweet person, most of his students verifiably want to launch him into the sun via catapult, but I just want to give him a smooch on the cheek tbh

Also, every so often, the eye contact between us gets CRAZYYY he teaches a certain sub-category of the main topic of the class sometimes, and I’m really into it and he KNOWS I’m really into it, so when he’s teaching it I can feel him almost staring into my soul, but idk if that’s bc he’s into me or if it’s bc I’m the only student that cares that much

I’m already hyping myself up to ask to hug him on our last day of class together, even though that isn’t until a YEAR from now, but I just want to hold him, I bet he gives the worst, most uncomfortable hugs on the planet but I don’t care I just need himmm

I might draw something really elaborate for him over the break, relating to that sub-category I mentioned earlier, and give it to him with the excuse that I was practicing drawing for my upcoming drawing course

Anyways I miss my old unpleasant man, thank you for letting me scream about him

omg this is definitely my comp sci prof when he's older. he gives such sour old man vibes. but everyone still loves him including myself idk bro has a vibe 😭😭. and don't worry no one in the world has worse taste than me (i deliberately will never tell anyone not even y'all about my first boyfriend)

BUT YOU GUYS' RELATIONSHIP SOUNDS ADORABLEEEEE it's giving "i hate everybody except you" and i'm suchhh a sucker for that trope.

and i love it when you like connect with a prof on a level based on your passion for the material it just makes everything so so much nicer.

as always feel free to rant you guys i adore hearing your stories <3

[mrsbsmooth]

Ok I've been in the fandom for about three years now, but I still sometimes feel like I'm on the outside - how do you make close friendships? because I've spoken to many people in this fandom, including you, and I call you guys friends in my head, but I'm too anxious to just talk to people in their inbox just because I like them and I don't wanna be annoying or overstep if you get what I mean

HOLA!

You'd be surprised how often I get asked stuff like this.

Honest answer?

#3: Engaging on tumblr Reblogs, comments, etc. Nothing better than screaming at each other in the comments of a post. I think I'm weird in that I prefer comments to reblogs because it doesn't clog up everyone else's dash. #2: Engaging on Ao3. If you're looking to snag a writer friend, read their fics and comment on them. Then have the same URL on tumblr and send them an ask about it. We are simple beings and easily tricked into friendship if you tell us you like the thing we spent 45 hours writing.

#1: Discord.

I've made so many wonderful friends through tumblr. It's one thing to reblog something or comment (I think comments are better than just a blank reblog, personally), but my friendships within this fandom only kicked off really once I started talking to them on discord.

Of course we've got the Writer's room which is just me, Emma, Bia, Elle and Tammy, and there's a private server for dedicated fanfic writers (although you have to be a writer and also have somewhat of a highly visible presence to be invited to that one. They've had HUGE issues with semi-anonymous people wanting to join and then being trolls or starting drama and wrecking the wonderful friendly vibe.) But there is also an amazing fan server which I believe is still run by @caitkaminski @oliverslove and @rebelrayne. It's an absolutely wonderful place and there's almost always discussion going on in there, especially on episode release day. It's WILD. I highly recommend it. Check their blogs, I think the link is in their bios.

Also, I don't even know who you are (anon obviously) but you're my friend in my head too dw xxx

[haizficz]

Fire on Ice.

..........................................................................................

Hailee Steinfeld x female Reader

Summary: Depression is cold but not the love you both hold.

Warnings: depression; panic attack; fluff explotion; Hailee being the cutest person on earth; soft and comforting Hailee (we love her sfm)

a/n: Y/n (Reader) is an image of me and i don't have anyone like Hailee and how i described her in this fic, so i decided to write this. [i'm so freaking proud of my title and summary for this fic lol]

[Also one of the paragraphs is inspired by euphoria.]

P.s. Thank you for all the support! Notes and Reblogs are highly appreciated, love you <3

..........................................................................................

..........................................................................................

"Life is hard" That's what everybody says. As a kid you don't really understand why everybody says that. But at some point the vision gets more and more visible..., or invisible. It's always different for every kind of person.

You don't know why, but your Life is not just hard. Sometimes it's beautiful and you enjoy it and at other times you feel like you can't breathe. Like you're stuck in a hole and you can't get out. Like you're depressed.

The other thing about depression is it kinda collapses time. Suddenly you find your whole days blending together to create one endless and suffocating loop. So you find yourself trying to remember the things that made you happy. But slowly, your brain begins to erase every memory that ever brought you joy. And eventually, all you can think about is how life has always been this way. And will only continue to be this way.

Of course your girlfriend knew about your mental illness. She reads you easier than any open book. The moment you told her that you were not always onehundred percent happy. And with "not always" you mean never. Hailee began to spend more time with you than she ever did before. You didn't even knew that was possible, but it was.

She started cuddling with you longer. Mumbled I love you's before you fall asleep. Holded you any time she could. Bought more often your favorite snacks. And the list goes on and on.

She made you fall in love with her more and more every day. Like she did with you. But you never really realized this. You were grateful for her and what she was doing for you. Yet there was always that one ulterior motive back in your head.

You're just a burden to her.

......

Today was exhausting. Not physically but mentally. About an hour ago you said to your girlfriend that you were going to go for a walk alone. Whatever you did. You tried to clear your head, enjoy the chirping birds and it worked a little. At least for the first few minutes. After a while you started missing the physical touch of Hailee. Your hand was empty and cold. Maybe it wasn't very smart to be without your comforter on a bad day.

As your eyes started to tear up and your body started trembling, you walked without hesitating back to your and Hailees apartment. Or better said you tried. Breathing was difficult and you strolled slowly.

Finally you saw the door to your home. It felt like several hours before you got here. Thank God you took the key with you. You didn’t want to wake Hailee. She's probably sleeping right now because before you left she said she was already going to bed.

You unlocked the front door and made your way straight to the bedroom. A lightly snoring Hailee filled the room with comfort, exactly what you needed. You took off your shoes and you softly layed onto Hailee. Your head hid in the back of her neck where the sharp note of her perfume stung your nose. It smells like vanilla and cherry blossoms. Like Hailee. Hailee who wasn't really in a deep sleep. She could feel the tears running down your cheeks onto her shoulder. She heard your quiet sobs and above all she felt your body trembling and shaking.

Suddenly you felt her arms wrapping around you and her head slowly turns to yours. She shared you a sweet kiss onto your forehead and afterwards she took the blanket near to her and pull it over you both. You were still shaking from the panic attack you had minutes ago. That's why Hailee softly placed her hands under your hoodie and drew randomly little circles on your back. Her touch was smoothing and it felt like fire on your freezed body.

A little while later your crying became quieter and you calmed down. Hailee and you are still in the same position as before. Only your head moved further down from her shoulder to her chest. Your ear right over her heart. Hailee's heartbeat, which you heard clearly, filled your soul with peace. Your hands wrapped around Hailee's body and her hands wrapped around you. None of you made a sound. You both knew exactly how the other person was feeling right now. Words didn’t have to be spoken. Except those three. Those three words you and Hailee share every day, every hour and always mean it.

"I love you."

She whispered to you. Her voice was raspy and you could hear that she was crying too. Your grip became tighter but also softer at the same time. Which maybe doesn't make any sense at all. But it was true.

You fell deeper into Hailee's touch and again a tear fell from your eye. "I love you too."

You slowly sat back up and looked down at Hailee. "I'm sorry to be such a burden to you, Haiz, I just made you cry and I, I don't want that-" Your body started shaking again and you felt a lump in your throat from holding back the tears. Hailee quickly sat up and placed both of her hands on your cheeks. "Hey, hey, it's okay, I know that you're not feeling well, y/n. And I'm crying because it hurts so much seeing you in this state, I'm not crying because you made me." She comforted you, her hazel eyes meeting yours. And you could definetely tell that she's saying the truth as always. Hailee never lies to you, but your brain told you the complete opposite. "There's literally no difference between making you cry and crying because of my state." "Yes there is!" She shouted, which really surprised you. Hailee never yelled at you before. You looked at her without saying anything. "Sorry." She whispered after realizing. "I'm just- I'm just so worried about you, y/n."

You sighed deeply and lost yourself in her eyes. Eyes that were filled with worries, love and fear. A layer of water was placed over them, which made them shine. "I'm sorry, Haiz." You flustered and you fell again into her arms. She held you tight and you enjoyed the warmth of Hailee's body. She warmed you, and your freezing heart started to melt from the fire of love you both have for eachother.

Warm Love that is bigger than your cold Depression.

..........................................................................................

tagging again my dear friend here: @hard-core-super-star

[monstersinthecosmos]

i love you asexuality in the VC post! i feel like i don't see people talk about the ace aspect of those books often, even though that was something that really spoke to me so much when i first read them (tbh it also makes me a little burned out to see some adaptations focus so much on the sex too because part of me is like. but i /liked/ the asexuality of it all! that wasn't a bug it was a feature!!)

I can’t always tell why we don’t talk about it more often; sometimes it feels like it’s so obvious that it goes unsaid, and other times I think ace folks in fandom are just so shy to bring it up because historically people have been such rancid cunts about it? I’m not sure.

But again and again, every time I make asexual VC posts, I get so many people commenting, tagging, DM’ing, inboxing to thank me or tell me they feel seen, and that’s what we need more of! 

It’s hard because like, I understand why visual adaptations feel the need to show it visibly, especially because I think it’s easy to forget that asexuality is already so heavily misunderstood/underdiscussed IN the queer community itself, and when we see this bullshit on TUMBLR of all places it tells me that even inside the queer echo chamber we are struggling for visibility. So I don’t expect mainstream audiences and ~ regular people ~ to understand it at all. I also fully respect the politics behind SHOWING SEX and being loud about it. I think that’s very much needed in the current political climate.

There’s a discussion to be had about non-sexual intimacy and split attraction models though; for example, we could also visually communicate with kissing and casual intimacy, touching, cuddling, etc, and the nature of TV and using sex to sell means that it’s not enough. And when you see an adaptation on a network that can’t use graphic sex anyway, it winds up being a lot of telling and not showing, so by that point I wonder why they can’t just be more casually intimate. 

It goes back to the misunderstanding in the books, too, like, the non-sexual romance and intimacy, even the vampire-sensual intimacy isn’t subtext. Not fucking doesn’t make the queerness subtext. It just means they’re not fucking, and I think when fans insist otherwise we’re getting into “all queer people are obsessed with sex” rhetoric that’s extremely problematic, and if you’re keeping score it’s the current talking point of the right to try to erase our existence in public. But the way this gets weaponized within fandom (on both sides) is just so fucking tired lmao. 

The whole conversation can be a huge bummer and I have interacted with tons of ace folks in this fandom over the years and everyone felt the same way about the canon asexuality and appreciated it and felt seen, etc. Especially older fans who didn’t know what asexuality was and likely felt alienated or were made to feel broken. So I just would love if people could discuss it without punching down at ace people and taking away like, the one fucking thing we had lol, and it would also be great if defensive ace folks didn’t overcorrect and try to center sexlessness as a moralizing tool, because it isn’t. I think when we start weaponizing and trying to arm ourselves by turning orientation into ethics we’re losing the plot. I think sometimes allos punch back and get defensive because they think we’re saying they’re gross for wanting to see sex or whatever and that’s not really the point. 

Personally, I read the books young enough that I always felt very supported by them, like I experienced the same confusion and worry about being broken but also the books were such a source of comfort because I was like, oh I just appreciate people the way vampires do.

Anyway it also provides so much rich extra context and framing for some of the characters and their intentions and can inform so much more meta. Like, examining themes of rape (vampire/biting rape vs literal rape) there’s so much to unpack about intention and desire when vampires see humans as food, when pleasure is about thirst and feeding and survival and nourishment and not only about sexual gratification. It just adds a whole other layer to discuss and I think that enhances the stories a lot. And like I said earlier, I understand that reducing it to “asexuality” as a human construct might seem as reductive as reducing it strictly to sex, but I hope one day people can build their cases against it without being so dismissive of ace people because it’s really recognizable and prominent in the text.

[hidden-oracle]

Hello! It is I for the matchup!

I'm 20 so I'd like it if it happens in the future in a dark timeline (ex: bonten, the one where kisaki won aka the first one etc)

Please no baiji, kazutora (I don't vibe with them) or Mickey/Izana (I get matched with him all the time) or draken. I just want someone new, even a red/black flag lmao

She/her, Gemini, Intp, 5w4

Asexual/heteromantic 

Chaotic Good 

Appearance: 164cm. Brown wavy hair, dark Brown eyes. Curvy body I guess? I'm pale with visible beauty marks like on my lips. I wear glasses/sunglasses. I've been described as cute and a tease because I always bite my lips out of habit lol. I often have a tired/annoyed expression or a smile. I wear comfy clothes and even pj outside. Or cliché villain clothes, no in between. I try to wear gloves to stop myself from bitting my nails. I guess I am slightly overweight? 80kg due to medical reasons and a weird metabolism, plus I have heavy bones

About me:

I appear as cold and very sarcastic. But I can be charismatic when I want. I'm always polite unless I dislike you (you'll know it because I become passive agressive). How I act depends on how you act with me, unless I'm in a bad mood. In that case I isolate to not be too mean. I act flirty around my friends and is known for sometimes playing with hearts (I'm oblivious to it). I'm petty and can go very far out of spite or vengeance. I curse a lot and will call you out on your bullshit with no issue no matter who you are. Did I loose people over this? Yes.

I'm moody and not a morning person AT ALL. I'm brutally honest and it affected some friendships because people sometimes won't dare to approach me. I'm also socially obvious to a lot of things. I'm very curious and have a short attention span. 

Getting along with me is easy peasy. As long as you're not a hypocrite we will get along. Now getting to know me is....nearly impossible. No friend of mine has managed to make me spill my problems even though they share theirs and I help them out. Even when I think I am sharing I am apparently not? My trust issues issues are too important for that lol. I don't open up and bottle my feelings all the time till I shut down or explode. I isolate a lot when I have problems or I'm just thinking (I love daydreaming). I'm rebellious but also a smooth talker. My friends know I have good intentions and would never wrong an innocent person. I'm the smart but reckless friend cuz I'll always hype up bad ideas for fun. I can be a bit naïve, I often assume that people don’t have a hidden agenda and it caused me problems in the past because spoiler alert they do! Now we all have some kind of hidden agenda but if I am in your team and you try to pull one over me…No mercy. I have morbid curiosity and shared dubious experimental ideas....Yes I am the type that can eat and look at a crime scene. I'm more logical than emotional. I'm ambitious and can't stand my own failure. But I'm also lazy and a procrastinator which is a terrible combo. I'm always willing to debate and learn new things because knowledge is very important to me. I'm creative and innovative, I know when to get to business. I'm very competitive and try to hide it. Yeah I have an ego, so what? if you don't have a solid argument with me, I'll destroy you.

Despite that, I joke a lot and never take anything seriously. It happens that I underestimate people. I'm a big tease and love to rile up people and see them get angry. I subtly insult people when they piss me off.

Because of that, I get very lonely and I'm misunderstood. I can handle being alone quite well since most of my friends betrayed me. Including a very close one who encouraged me to open up for years...and then they wonder why I have trust issues (if you want to confess just do it why wait years and then be like I don’t believe in boy girls friendships). I don't recognize my own feelings and mask that pretty well as it fools everyone. I don't consider myself to be a good person for some reasons. I envy easily and get annoyed easily because I want to succeed above all lol. Oh and I love money. I like gifting my friends and receiving gifts.

Hobbies:

Reading (mystery, thriller, fantasy), true crime, video games, drawing, baking (I’m quite good at it. It started mostly by being non satisfied over local bakeries qualities or prices), fighting sports (sparing and shooting), learning, daydreaming. I love space and mad scientists stories. My aesthetic is definitely related to those subjects as well as the sea and stars.I used to write poetry. I enjoy gacha games…just for the gamba part and lore

Likes:

Cats, sweet foods, plushies, hoodies, gossip (putting those reddit stories in the background), cheese, red flags, puzzles, true crime, juicy parts of history, mythology, sleeping or just lying in bed. I lowkey likes organizing BUT my room is very messy Dislikes:

I am thalassophobic, dogs, crowded places, someone that’s forceful, bullying, foods that have a lot of oily sauce…and if it’s deep fried but has too much oil. Being bored.

I hate owing something to someone. While yes I deal around and ask for favors I always repay in equal or more value. I’ll scam you if you scam me tho….I always have receipts or pictures

In a relationship:

I'm the chillest person. I don't get jealous or clingy. You can do whatever you want. I'm always here to give you advices because helping you out, giving you my time and giving you gifts is my love langage. It bothered my last boyfriend because he thought I wasn't emotionally present and isolated a lot (He knew what he was getting into. Then He cheated). I love cuddles but I'll take time to accept physical touch. I enjoy a partner that can keep up with me and be patient and honest because I value honesty in their feelings. I don’t care if they hide things, we all do, as long as it’s not gonna hurt me or us in the long run. Yes I like red flags and a friend called me a beige flag whatever it means. I enjoy stealing clothes and would prefer a taller partner. Not gonna lie…a little possessive/protective is cute. Make me feel wanted.

 I also love receiving gifts because uh...I grew up with them validating love. I hate cowardly people. I don't fall first and don't make the first move. Worse, there’s a high chance I say yes but will give it a period to see if I can develop feelings. I will be honest about my partner over this. I enjoy someone smart. I don't care if street or academic. I'm more an academic gifted kid who's trying to learn something other than that. Heck I can get in a stranger car and my mindset is if they try something I'll strangle them. Or if they try to rob me I'll throw them into a car. No mercy

I speak Arabic, French and English. I'm an only child.

@imjustabeanie I MATCH YOU UP WITH

RINDO HAITANI!

Honestly, who knows how you two go together. One day, you and Rindo were just together, and no one questioned it, not even Ran questioned it. Even if it may sound like you two aren't in a relationship, you guys are, you're just blunt with each other.

You two are very honest with each other. You know when Rindo is in a boring meeting or out killing Bontan traitors.

He will probably train you how to fight or use a gun properly. He doesn't want his girl to be defenseless without him.

Rindo will ask you to teach him Arabic, French, and help him with his English. In case Bontan spreads outside of Japan, he's going to know as many languages as he can.

Bontan pays a lot. He will spoil you if you let him. If not, he probably puts some money into your account without you knowing. Will make jokes of you spending his money on your digital boyfriends, even around friends and acquaintances.

Will ask you how to hide bodies more efficiently or will go over plans with you on how to make someone disappear easier and quicker.

If he does accidentally wake you up with his nighttime nonsense, expect either more money in your bank or that super ultra rare plush that they only made 100 of.

Rindo will find it hot if you tell any girls at clubs that try to flirt with him off. He definitely wouldn't encourage anything more than telling them off. (He would encourage violence, and he will also help with any violence).

He will find it even hotter if you want to help with his execution.

He would sneak any baked goods you make, probably by distracting you with kisses or being a flirt or maybe more.

With Rindo being an executive at Bontan, he doesn't have a lot of free time, so your dates end up atypical, to say the least. Like he will probably bring you along when he's executing someone (you may inspire some false hope in the victim but nope you're in the corner eating your favorite popcorn), he will probably bring you to meetings as well. Maybe also bring you to clubs if you're up for that. You two are a very scary couple, no one wants to get on the wrong side of.

Other Potential Matchups: Ran Haitani, Kakucho, and Haruchiyo Sanzu

[luveline]

do you know why the ao3 reader praised you and at the same time charged for a continuation? because at least here on tumblr that's what you do: come back answering some questions and posting some fics, then you get a bad comment and you insist on replying giving even more visibility to the person (pretending that what they said doesn't affect you when it really does), people stick up for you and you say thank you and always apologize, you slowly stop posting and disappear for a few days and then come back saying you had a hard time even though you said those comments wouldn't ruin your day. You're not under contract and you post and write whatever you want and what makes you happy, you're a human being and you have the right to have hobbies and do whatever you want, but I can't deny that it's frustrating for you to post something, then post countless fics of other characters and after a while say “I intend to continue that story, I just don't know when”. Do you know why people even praise and charge you? because your writing is good, and some people only follow you for that, for your writing. It's no use for you to think you're the best and say to stop following you because that's not what will happen. I repeat again that you are in a cycle and that your writing is the only thing that saves you. And you can come as many people as you want to defend you or say that I hide behind the anonymous, I don't care, these people should stop being hypocrites because when you come back after a long time away one of the first things they ask is when will you post again

— do you know why the ao3 reader praised you and at the same time charged for a continuation?

As I said in my post, I'm unsure! I think perhaps they hadn't stopped to think about why I may not have updated, though the answer to that was that I hadn't posted them on ao3.

—because at least here on tumblr that's what you do: come back answering some questions and posting some fics, then you get a bad comment

Unsure why this matters, like you say a little further down, I have a life, hobbies, responsibilities, and autonomy.

—you get a bad comment and you insist on replying giving even more visibility to the person

The majority of mean or abusive asks I receive go unanswered and blocked, but when I do share them, it isn't to insist on visibility, but to give myself an opportunity to share my thoughts. The anon passed judgement, I used my voice and my space to give my own opinion. Also, there isn't any shame in wanting comfort from others. I'm sorry if that doesn't seem fair to you, or maybe I look like an attention seeker! But I'm in a privileged situation to be comforted and reassured, so sometimes I do want to be comforted, hence sharing the ask!!

—(pretending that what they said doesn't affect you when it really does)

was this supposed to be like a GOTCHA moment where you humbled me, or is this just an observation you didn't think anyone else made? Yeah, half the time I lie and say hate comments don't bother me, because I don't want the person who sent it to know they made me miserable, and I don't want people here worrying about me. It is a very normal human thing to do

—people stick up for you and you say thank you and always apologize

True!

—you slowly stop posting and disappear for a few days and then come back saying you had a hard time even though you said those comments wouldn't ruin your day

Another GOTCHA! Although I'd like to stick up for myself here, considering how breathtakingly observational you are, you seem to have completely ignored the multiple instances where they did in fact not ruin my day, as well as other reasons I might take time away, like my underlying health problems that I've mentioned, which are often the root of the problem. I'm not saying you're totally wrong though, of course you aren't, people say mean shit to me and I don't want to write anymore and I'm not gonna villanise myself for that nor am I going to berate anyone else who feels discouraged at their hobby. Feedback affects the way you look at your craft, it always has, so I don't feel bad for taking time to myself.

—You're not under contract and you post and write whatever you want and what makes you happy, you're a human being and you have the right to have hobbies and do whatever you want, but

I'm definitely being unfair to you in saying this but I literally could've made money betting on the 'but' at the end of this sentence. You're right though!! I do post and write whatever makes me happy

—but I can't deny that it's frustrating for you to post something, then post countless fics of other characters and after a while say “I intend to continue that story, I just don't know when”.

Sub points. 1. I genuinely do not think that it is my responsibility to control how frustrated you become, because like you said, I can write whatever I want. I am so, so grateful that people read my work, that they enjoy it, that they continue to support me while what I want to write changes and goes back and forth, but I won't force myself to only post that one thing because it might mitigate frustration. 2. You say it's okay for me to write whatever I want, but when you mention my posting countless other fics of other characters, I get the sense that you don't truly think it's okay. 3. I do say that! It's actually in my FAQ and has been for months and months and months, because it's true, and I don't see a problem with that answer.

If it is frustrating to you to begin a story that may not have a guaranteed ending, or further installments, don't read it. I don't see why I get the blame here for your actions, why your frustration becomes my fault. My actions are my own, and all I can read from your sentence here is that you're frustrated that I'm doing what I want and writing what I want, which doesn't make much sense, because only a few lines before that, you say I'm a human being with the right... to do whatever I want. So would you like me to do what I want, or would you like me to do what I want only if it coincides with what you want?

—Do you know why people even praise and charge you? because your writing is good, and some people only follow you for that, for your writing

'Charge' I'm sorry genuinely that I don't know what you mean by that, I'm not poking fun here I really just don't know, apologies. I'm glad my writing is good in your eyes! Some people praise me because they think that the writing I post is good, it's entertaining, and because they have genuinely good hearts. And I know that some people only follow me for my writing, but... [see next point (section 2.)]

—It's no use for you to think you're the best and say to stop following you because that's not what will happen.

1.I do not think I'm the best, and I'm not sure what that has to do with it. 2. It's no use to say to stop following you because that's not what will happen— what would you have me do? My writing and my life aren't two separate things, and I'll keep saying it when others try to separate them. I actually think this is where you're getting tripped up. I'm a person, and I'm affected by the way people treat me, how they percieve me, and their expectations. So yes, some people follow me solely for my writing (which is kind of my entire appeal to be fair), and I'm glad they do despite if they might like me or not, but I'm not going to say Yes, please, keep enjoying my hard work, my passion projects, while simultaneously resenting me for the emotions and life experiences that so heavily influence that very writing!

—I repeat again that you are in a cycle and that your writing is the only thing that saves you

Like, my writing is the only good thing about me because my taking breaks from tumblr when hate asks pile on is embarrassing, or makes me a write off? Or that my writing actually saves me? Is it fair to be mad at me for being in that 'cycle', which consists of me getting a bad message and then me doing what ever it is I need to digest or cope with it?

—And you can come as many people as you want to defend you or say that I hide behind the anonymous, I don't care, these people should stop being hypocrites because when you come back after a long time away one of the first things they ask is when will you post again

You seem kind of self aware but not really 😭 you arguments against my– what? Against my not understanding why people complain? I definitely understand why people complain, even if I don't agree, and it is a mixture of a lack of self awareness, parasocial closeness, and genuine critique. Your arguments against me are extremely odd (at least in my opinion). I think that you have complained before about fics not being updated fast enough for your liking, or you've had those thoughts, and that my post has struck a nerve and you've come to set things right in your eyes, because how could you be wrong?

But the dreaded E word, entitlement! It's easy when a writer says the word entitled for you to scoff or roll your eyes. You're not entitled!! You want something, sorry to say this, but free, something free that you personally had little hand in creating, and when you don't get it you feel frustrated and leave a message explaining why– well, I'm not sure what you were trying to explain. That I'm a huge loser or something 😭 but that's not entitlement or anything. I'm not sure if you were under the impression that I didn't know lots of this stuff about myself and that by telling me I was going to change my rotten ways and give you the new chapter of fanfic you deserve because I tricked you into reading and enjoying the first one, but I'm going to keep doing things how I'm doing them! Like you said, like I've said, I write because I really fucking love doing it, the one and only downside is when people like you start to think you know everything about me from the single facet of my life you see online, and decide that's grounds to talk down at me, or attempt to dictate how I am.

And yeah some people are hypocrites like that, but so is literally everyone on the entire planet, me and you included 😭 you're literally a hypocrite in this message as I pointed out, explaining that I'm a person with rights to do as I want to, but also that to some I'm like a sophisticated chatGPT bot who should sit down, shut up, and write what others want, lest they become upset with me, and I should be okay with that.

I try not to attach malicious intentions to anonymous messages even when I know they're cruel on purpose, but this just couldn't be abided by. You've embarrassed yourself by assuming multiple things about me, and you've outed yourself as a dick — your precursory and oh so generous paragraph about how I'm not under contract didn't really work when you couldn't resist your 'countless other fics' comment afterward. It's obvious that you expect things from me, and it's obvious you look down on me.

I realise that nothing I could've said here would satisfy you. You have me figured out, and this will just seem like a defensive and hostile message to your well-meaning advice or something, but I really don't care anymore. I'm not solely a 'content maker' or a fanfic writer, and I don't owe you things just because you've decided you want more.

If anyone has sat here reading this all the way to the end, I just want to say that although I stand by everything I've said, this is in NO WAY meant to be a dig at people who ask me when the next part of something or other is coming out, nor is it a brand on every follower of entitlement. I KNOW that it can be frustrating when you grow used to the things you enjoy, but I genuinely cannot help being affected by things in my life, and I also won't put what other people want over my own happiness on a regular basis, and while I regret that you're frustrated by wanting something and not getting it I really think that this life is about doing what you love when you love it. Writing is my escape, and I'm so privileged, so thankful, and so grateful to be able to share it with people who are so amazingly kind hearted, patient, and loving. So so happy that the vast majority of you are okay with me writing what I'm in the mood for and what's fun for me. I really mean this without malice, anyone who doesn't like the way that I operate is more than allowed to continue reading in silence and resenting me, but please do it quietly, cos I won't be answering a message like this again, or to unfollow me, block me, whatever makes you feel better.

I may not owe anyone certain pieces of writing, but I do owe my kindness and understanding to the people who have shown it to me. Thank you so much if you're someone who has reassured me after a mean anon, or who's defended me, or who's waited between those long gaps of my posting chapters just as eager as when they started. Writing is so much more fun when I get to share it with people like you!! I don't like letting people down, I don't like knowing that someone who's sent me a long kind anon message or reblogged the first chapter of a fic is upset that there isn't more, I doubt the person who sent this ask has ever done either, I promise I don’t relish in disappointing you.