#i mean damn keri was good

[wardenparker]

Surprising Reunions, part 1

Joel Miller x Dieter Bravo x female reader Co-written with @absurdthirst

Rating: E for Explicit! 18+ Word Count: 19.1k Warnings: So so so much cursing, homophobia, hate speech (against gay characters), mentions of domestic abuse (parent/child) and alcoholism, references to drug use, extremely overt flirting, underage sexual activity (MM),  oral sex (m receiving), angst, extremely brief mention of suicidal ideation,  Summary: Joel and Ellie stumble across an occupied hotel in their journey west, and Joel is astonished to find that the inhabitants are his ex-boyfriend Dieter Bravo and his wife. Notes: About a month ago a lovely anon dropped into my askbox with the surprise idea of a Joel x Dieter pairing and Keri and I just about lost our minds over it. What was born in our minds as a smutty little one shot has become a two-part field day of feelings and tension. And I gotta say? I love these two guys together.

The world as it was twenty years ago is broken. Irrevocably so. However, in many ways, it���s a lot smaller than it was back then. When people scattered and the only way you found out about them was if someone else had known them. Travel was dangerous, friendships now vital for survival and yet, Joel found himself both traveling and forming a bond with a mouthy, moody teenager that liked stupid jokes that he would secretly grin over and shake his head at how much she reminded him of him. And Sarah, but mostly him for the simple fact that she had the same resilient fortitude that he had admired when he was friends with the one openly bisexual kid in Austin, Texas in the early nineties.

"Hey Joel." Ellie sidles up next to the older man as they walk, her steps invigorated with the physical need to tell the joke she's just dug out of the depths of the book she keeps squirreled away in her backpack. She's been saving it for a good time and Joel looks particularly grumpy today. Although that's really just the way his face is. "Joel." She hops in front of him and starts walking backwards with a grin splitting her face open. "Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?"

Joel rolls his eyes and lets out a long-suffering sigh. Even though he knows the answer to the joke, he gives her a look of confusion that would rival the best Bowie High School drama club, of which he had been very familiar with. “Why?” He huffs at her.

The way she snickers and giggles so much that she can barely get out the punchline is half the joy of the whole moment, until Ellie finally bursts out with: "Because the pee is silent!" And doubles over cackling with glee as they continue down the road.

“Jesus Christ.” Joel readjusts his pack on his back and turns his head to hide his own grin. “Your jokes are horrible.” He grumbles at her when he finally looks back at the laughing teenager.

"Then why are you laughing?" She shoots back, long since having learned what it means when Joel hides his face from her after she delivers a particularly groan-worthy punchline. "Ya old softie. Laughing at bad jokes."

“You’re an idiot.” Joel rolls his eyes again for good measure and is once again reminded of when he was accused of being a softie by someone else. Why he was on Joel’s mind, he couldn’t say. Maybe he was getting sentimental in his old age.

"You like it." There isn't an ounce of doubt in her voice, like she knows damn well that he would have gotten rid of her long ago if Joel didn't have some kind of attachment to her. It's probably true. Promise or otherwise, there are plenty of times he could have left her behind, but he hadn't. They walk a little longer before Ellie opens her mouth again, this time with a frown on her face. "It's gonna start getting dark soon," she observes, looking up into the sky. Normally this is the point at which Joel starts looking for someplace to make camp. "There was a sign for a hotel back there. Like a half mile ago, I think?"

“Yeah.” Joel frowns and nods up ahead. “Should be about half a mile up the road.” The crumbling, overgrown road isn’t a major highway, but it had been void of people and infected so he counted that as a blessing. “Looks to be a fancy place like you wanted to see.”

"Cool." Ellie swings her arms and takes a few steps faster than the last. "Maybe the beds won't all be disgusting. I'd kill to sleep on a mattress tonight instead of the ground."

Joel snorts. “Who the hell are you tellin’? My back is killing me.” There’s not a day that goes by that something doesn’t ache, but he just pushes through. Still, it’ll be good to get a good night's sleep.

“Old man.” Ellie snorts, although each time she says it it’s slightly fonder than the last. Like she’s finally accepting the fact that the old curmudgeon isn’t that bad.

“Fifty-six years old.” He grumbles, shaking his head again. Maybe the hotel would have some canned goods they could pilfer. Nothing like a giant can of green beans or corn to fill the kid’s stomach.

“Old old man.” Ellie corrects herself with a smirk. “Ancient-as-fuck old man.” The hotel that appears on the horizon as they walk is about a hundred years old from the look of it. Art Deco outsides far from the glory they once exuded and probably housing nothing but dilapidated shadows of a world long gone. Still, it’s standing. And it doesn’t have any holes missing from the look of it, so that’s better than a lot of places they’d been up until now. “Coooool!” Ellie crows, getting a good look at the sign as they walk. Once upon a time, the light-up marquee would have announced The Promenade loudly and proudly. Now it’s rusty, but at least it’s still standing.

“You know the drill, kid.” Joel cautions her as they draw closer. “We scope out the interior, look for food and then we’ll get set up with a place to sleep.” The wariness in the pit of his stomach is common every time they do this, but it makes him more cautious as he squints to survey the surroundings.

“I know.” She nods, having agreed long ago that what Joel said was law. Even if she pokes and prods at him sometimes, she’s learned that setting up camp isn’t a good time for teasing.

“Good.” He smirks slightly. “Maybe we can order room service.” He jokes, noticing a glint of metal on the top floor and he stares hard at it for a moment before he realizes it’s a piece of aluminum from the air conditioning units on the roof.

“Oh, sure.” That makes Ellie snort and roll her eyes. “A bacon cheeseburger and all the fries I can eat and an ice cream sundae.” Things she had really only read about in books or saw on signs as they traveled. What she would give for one of the roadside McDonald’s they found to actually be operational.

“Extra bacon.” Joel agrees, nodding. “With ketchup and hot sauce on the fries.” Too bad the kid couldn’t have actually had something like that. She would love it.

“Goddamn I want to try French fries.” Ellie grumbles, only to have Joel put out his hand to silence her a second later. He must have seen something inside. The large glass panels in the tops of the doors give you a decent view of the lobby from outside.

“Take your gun out.” Joel orders, pulling his own revolver out so he holds it in his hand as the pace slows. Approaching the doors quietly and listening as he looks through the dirty glass.

Ellie gulps, complying silently and falling in line behind Joel. He doesn’t like her to even touch the gun she carries unless absolutely necessary, so the time for teasing is definitely over. Inside the windows they can make out two figures. They’re not heavily armed from what Joel and Ellie can see, and they don’t seem to be aware of their fast-approaching visitors. Are they— dancing? “The hell?” Ellie breathes out, almost laughing when she realizes yes – that is just a couple of weirdo adults dancing inside that abandoned hotel lobby.

“Fucking hell.” Joel narrows his eyes and searches for any signs of it being an ambush. He’s seen weirder ploys to catch people off guard. “Don’t fucking speak.” He warns as he decides if it’s better to go inside or find somewhere else. Except there’s nowhere else for miles. The decision is made by the dark clouds off to the west and he sighs. “Okay?” He turns and looks at Ellie seriously.

Ellie nods, making the motion of zipping her lips shut and throwing away the key. The last thing she wants is to get shot. She’s not immune to that.

Joel sighs before he grabs the patinated handle of the heavy front door and yanks it open. “Quit moving, turn around.” He orders, quickly stepping through the door and leveling the gun at the man and woman in the lobby.

“Jesus fuck!” Dieter doesn’t mean to be so startled – it happens easily these days – but he does feel like an ass for dropping you when someone bursts through the front door of the hotel that hasn’t seen any other occupants in seven years. “Don’t shoot!”

 “Fuck—fuck!” You scramble to your feet, grabbing a pistol of your own off the nearby check in counter. “Who the fuck are you? What do you want?” The words are a demand as you put yourself between this newcomer and the man you’ve lived with for twenty-five years. Not a stitch of armor on you but it doesn’t matter. You’d take the bullet if it came to that.

“Are you alone?” Joel demands gruffly, his eyes darting between the two of you before he narrows his eyes and leans in. “D-Dieter!?” he spits out. “Is that you?”

The man behind you sticks his wary head out, always suspicious of anyone who recognizes him, especially twenty years after the world more or less ended. “Fucking—Joel?!” He chokes out, nearly shouting in your ear and pulling on your arm. “It’s okay, baby. It’s okay. He’s—he’s okay. Holy shit man.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, that is you.” Joel doesn’t know who the fuck you are, but he knows anyone with Dieter isn’t a threat to him. Holstering his gun, he shocks Ellie by rushing forward and grabbing Dieter to pull him into a bone crushing hug. He was probably the last person he had expected to find on the road to Wyoming but he’s glad to see him.

It’s debatable who is more confused - you or the teenager that has been trailing behind this Joel - and you and she find yourselves pointing your guns at each other for a moment while the two men embrace before you click the safety back into place. If this is the Joel that you’ve heard about, you’re safe. If it’s someone else, Dieter will explain. At least the kid has the decency to pull the door shut behind her after she lowers her own gun.

******

“Stupid faggot.” The words are accompanied by another punch to the stomach and gangly Dieter Black doubles over with a grunt of pain. The group of kids surrounding them weren't exactly coy in their dislike of anyone different from them and Dieter had become their latest target. Mike Robinson laughs and pushes Dieter back against the lockers, smug and leaning into his personal space as he gasps for breath. “What’re you gonna do, bitch boy?” He taunts. “Cry? Piss yourself?” He draws his fist back again, ready to break the queer’s nose when suddenly someone shoves through the crowd.

 “Fucking asshole!” Joel wasn’t as stocky as Robinson, but that was because he ate less McDonald’s and was on the baseball team. Fury twists his features, and he doesn’t hesitate to use all 5 '11” of his frame to shove the other boy away from Dieter. “Why don’t you fight me?” He challenges, bowing up slightly and using his broad frame to look bigger. “I’m not your size, but I’ll wipe the floor with your ass, pussy.” He spits.

“Gotta teach the fucking faggot a lesson!” Robinson barks, though his fist does lower slightly after scrabbling to his feet. Miller has a reputation for ending fights even if he wasn’t the one who started them.

Dieter slumps when Joel’s bulk comes into view, knowing that - for now at least - he’s safe. Miller has never said much beyond fending off the bullies, but Dieter is grateful. Offering to help the baseball star pass English out of gratitude for saving him from a few ass whippings.

“Gonna have to go through me, fat ass.” Joel scoffs, sending him a smirk that tells the kid he would like nothing more. Coach Johnson couldn’t risk Joel not playing in Friday’s game considering he had the highest batting average on the team and was currently on a hitting streak. Not this close to the championship. So this little incident would be swept under the rug. “What’s the matter? Pissed off that he wouldn’t kiss your shit smelling mouth?”

“As if I would ever fuckin—” Robinson sputters, looking to his goons for back up but they’re no help. They don’t want to get their asses kicked by Joel Miller anymore than he does. “Filthy fucking queer!” He spits, pounding his fist into the locker beside Dieter’s head so hard one of his knuckles makes a dent. It’s worth the pain for the way the little worm squirms and flinches. “C’mon boys,” he orders his cronies. “You’re lucky I’m feeling fuckin’ nice today, Black!”

Joel clenches his fists as he watches the bullies turn around and stride off like they are being benevolent. He doesn’t say anything, although he wants to. Only when they turn the corner does he glance over at Dieter. “You alright, man?” He asks gruffly, bending down to pick up the backpack that had been knocked out of his hands.

“Yeah.” Dieter sniffles, hiding his face from the other boy. It doesn’t help his case at all that the one person who keeps saving his ass is the one he’s always fantasizing about. “Yeah,” he mutters again and reaches for his backpack. “You don’t have to keep doing that, ya know.”

Joel looks over at Dieter and notices the fading remnants of a black eye and his jaw clenches slightly. “Yeah I do.” He lets go of the backpack and steps back.

“They’re gonna start thinking you’re my friend.” He protests, knowing that that wouldn’t be good for the athlete’s reputation. To be known friends with a drama geek loser who routinely gets beat up wouldn’t be good. Even Joel Miller couldn’t survive that for too long.

“Fuck ‘em.” Joel shrugs and rolls his eyes. “I can kick all their asses and if they keep fucking around, I will.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and looks around, the halls now deserted. “You headed to science or theatre?”

Dieter stares blankly, wondering how Joel knows his schedule, before he re-composes his face and stammers out “Th-theatre.” He shuffles his bag higher in his shoulder and glances down the empty hallway. “You?” He pretends not to know. That he doesn’t have his impossible crush’s schedule memorized. This is Joel’s free period, which means he’ll probably be going down to the gym.

“Free period.” Joel offers. “Plannin’ on going for a run out in the woods past the baseball fields.” He turns towards the theatre hall and starts walking. He gets three steps before he realizes that Dieter isn’t coming and turns back to look at him. “You comin’?”

“It’s the other way.” Dieter feels like an idiot, pointing his thumb in the direction of the locker room and the front entrance of the school where he would have to go out to go for a run. Theater classes are in the auditorium, which is the exact opposite direction. “You’re—you— you’re going the wrong way.” He stammers out, eyes down on the floor.

“Walkin’ you to class.” Joel tells him, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “So you don’t have to worry about those assholes.”

"Oh." He feels like a moron, and it probably shows on his face, but Dieter rushes to get in step with Joel. His pathetic little crush might be miles out of reach, but he's not stupid enough to turn down the opportunity to spend just two more minutes in Joel's shadow. "I—um...thanks."

“No problem.” Joel isn’t great with words and comes off sarcastic half the time and angry the other half, but he gives a huff that could be interpreted as a small sound of embarrassment. “They’re wrong.” He says after a minute and a hundred feet down the hall. “About you.”

Dieter's eyes flash up to Joel's face, and though both boys are the same height, Joel is built broader and stronger than Dieter is. He feels downright gangly next to the athlete. "No." He mutters, shaking his head. "They're not. That...that's the problem."

“What? Because you're gay?” Joel huffs, shaking his head. “That’s not true because I saw you making out with Tabitha Nuñez last month.”

"Except..." It makes his stomach twist, never having said any of this out loud to another person. He's read the words, or heard them said, but owning them himself is an entirely new experience. "I kind of am. I mean...you can like both, ya know? It's possible. So they're kind of...half right."

“So?” Joel’s stomach twists and he shrugs again. “Doesn’t mean they get to beat the shit out of you.” He growls, pissed off that they had been pounding on Dieter when it’s obvious that he doesn’t fight back. “He give you that black eye?”

"No." Bowing his head again to keep the eyesore out of sight, Dieter shuffles awkwardly along beside Joel. "That was my dad." The discovery of his magazine stash had been a rude awakening in the Black house. He's honestly just lucky that he didn't get kicked out before he left for school this morning.

“Fucker.” Joel hisses, shaking his head and he reaches out and slaps Dieter on the shoulder. Not too hard, so he doesn’t think he’s treating him like everyone else. “So come stay at my house tonight.” He offers. “Parents are away…again.”

Stopping dead in his tracks, Dieter feels slack and tense all at once, like he's going to shake apart out of confusion and...happiness? Is that what this feeling is? "Why are you being so nice to me?" He demands, his slight drawl making him sound more aggravated than curious. He just doesn't fucking understand it.

“Why shouldn’t I be?” Joel frowns, thoroughly confused at the anger in Dieter’s tone. “Would you rather I was an asshole to you?” Maybe he resented him helping, the idea makes Joel’s heart drop, but he doesn’t show it.

"I just don't see what's in it for you." Dieter had offered to help Joel pass English - the only class they had together - but Joel had never said yes or no. He had just huffed something noncommittal and headed for class when the bell rang. He's used to people wanting things from him - even if all they wanted him for was to be a punching bag. "I—I mean you're...you're literally one of the most popular kids in school and you don't have to spare me a second fucking look but you're always so fucking nice to me and I never see you be nice to anyone else. I don't get it."

Joel turns his head and just stares at Dieter, wondering if the other boy was just fucking with him or if he had really not understood. He guesses it’s not as obvious. “Really?” He asks, rolling his eyes. He glances at the bathroom signs and then around the deserted hallway before he grabs Dieter’s shoulder to shove him into the boy’s side.

Well that answers that, Dieter thinks as Joel pulls him into the cramped bathroom. He just wanted a target alone. It's shattering, the way Dieter can feel his own tender heart breaking as he braces to be beaten up by the one person he thought was on his side. It's better to just get it over with, he tells himself.

Joel is sweating bullets and he glances around the bathroom to make sure that there is no one around. Furtively glancing either way once more as he keeps Dieter up against the cream-colored tile before he lets him go. Swallowing harshly before he leans in, hoping he doesn’t lose his nerve before quickly pressing his lips to the other boy’s before leaning back just as fast. “There, happy?” He demands nervously, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans and looking anywhere but Dieter in case he had just fucked up.

"You—" One hand flies to his lips immediately, like he can't trust his own senses to tell him what just happened, and he knows that he's staring because he can barely breathe. "But you were dating Alison Harcourt all last year!"

“Yeah.” Joel nods and shoves his hands in his pockets. “I was. But what you said— you know, about both….” He shrugs defensively. “Whatever…you shouldn’t get the shit kicked out of you for it.” It’s a fucking risk and he’s almost about to throw up, thinking that he had read Dieter wrong. Just because he was…queer…didn’t mean he liked every boy. Joel knows that very well. Maybe he didn’t like him.

"I didn't know." Dieter murmurs, making sure he keeps his voice down so that no one passing in the hallway would know that there were people in this bathroom. The very last thing they need right now is to be discovered. He steps toward Joel cautiously, like he's approaching his mom's easily spooked dog, and touches his shoulder to make the older boy look up at him. "I won't tell anybody," he promises solemnly. "This is just between us."

Joel stares at Dieter for another minute before he nods. “O-okay.” He rasps out. “So—are you gonna come sleep over? Or no?” He had meant the offer. His parents were rarely home, to the point where he had practically raised his younger brother Tommy. If Dieter was getting hit at home, he could come crash with them.

"Yeah." Dieter bobbles his head awkwardly. His fingers grazed Joel's arm for just a second too long and now they're tingling. Maybe he's imagining it - he has a damn good imagination after all - but Joel feels warm to him. Warm and enticing. "Yeah. I'm gonna come sleep over."

“Okay.” Joel’s head also goes up and down. “Practice was canceled today, so we can leave after school.” He looks around again. “Come on. Mr. Mackie bitches when you’re late, right?”

"Yeah." He can't remember if he told Joel that or if it's just something that he knew, but Dieter grins, blushing a little that Joel has remembered little things like that. That Joel kissed him. Even if he could tell people, they would never believe him. "Mostly because they can't start without me," he boasts gently, puffing up his chest. "I'm the star for this show."

“I know.” Joel smirks at the pride in Dieter’s voice. “You’re gonna be a big movie star one day. I know it.”

******

"You're alive." Dieter finds himself getting misty-eyed with his arms around his former lover. It doesn't matter that it's been more than twenty years since he actually saw Joel face-to-face. "You're fucking alive." He pulls back to look Joel in the face, seeing those decades reflected back at him. "It's been a long fucking time."

“Me?” Joel shakes his head and pulls him in for another hug. “How the fuck did you survive this shit?” Joel had kept up with Dieter’s career, and celebrated his successes with quiet pride. Sarah had rolled her eyes at him and his willingness to own all of Dieter Bravo’s movies, never telling her that he had known him when he was Dieter Black.

"That's what happens when you do as many ‘shrooms as I did in college." Dieter puffs up with a laugh. "The fungi accepted me as one of their own and passed right on by. No more room in the ol' headspace for more to grow." He knows it sounds ridiculous, but it's a more fun theory than your explanation - which is that he was on a no-carb diet at the time of the outbreak to lose weight for a role.

“Hold on— you hug people?” Ellie is holding up her hand and shaking her head like she’s witnessed some sort of miracle. Joel rolls his eyes as he pulls back from Dieter, taking in all the changes that had occurred over the last thirty years, twenty really, since he had watched his movies.

 “So doing all those drugs saved your life, huh?” His eyes slide over to where you are standing, still confused and he points his chin towards you. “Who’s your guard dog?” He hadn’t missed the way Dieter had ducked behind you and figured he was still needing protection more than protecting anyone. He had filled out over the years, but Dieter had always been as non-confrontational as he could possibly be.

“Oh!” Entranced by seeing Joel again, Dieter had apparently forgotten there was anyone else in the room but now he waves for you to come over to him as he introduces you. “Baby, this is Joel.” He tells you excitedly. “Joel from Austin.”

 “Wait…this is Joel?” The name clicks into place with how happy Dieter is to see this man and the slight disbelief in his eyes. He looks almost nostalgic, which is unusual for a man who has admittedly burned a whole lot of memories away with drug use. “Well damn,” you murmur, mostly to yourself. Moving back to the check-in desk a few feet away, you pick up a device with the hand that isn’t holding a gun and hold it up so he can see that it’s a scanner. “Just a formality,” you insist, since you know Dieter won’t let you send these people away. Joel Miller was his first love.

 “Baby…” Dieter gives you a pout, asking you to put the scanner and gun down, before he looks back at Joel. “They told me not to marry my personal assistant but she takes such good fucking care of me.”

Huffing in amusement, Joel shakes his head. "You were never one to be told what to do." He drawls, remembering how obstinate Dieter could be, even if it was to his detriment. Him and Tommy accounted for half his gray hairs even back then. He tilts his neck to the side so you can press the scanner there and it clicks green but when you move towards Ellie, he grabs your arm. "Not the girl." He knows she won't pass.

That’s not a compromise you want to make, but Dieter brushes past it with absolute trust - something that is very rare for him. It took a year of working for him for him to actually trust you, for fuck’s sake. “Fine,” you eye the teen suspiciously. If push comes to shove, you can take out one brand-new clicker. You’ve done it plenty of times before now.

 “What the hell are you doing here?” Dieter wants to know. He’s waving everybody further into the belly of the hotel while you go to relock the front doors, because he had apparently not checked them well enough this morning.

"Me?" Joel scoffs, looking around the crumbling hotel and feeling completely out of place. "Headin' to Wyoming." He shoots Dieter a small shrug. "Tommy's there. Need to find him and drop her off." He nods towards Ellie. "This is a long ass way from L.A." He offers, wondering how the hell Dieter has lasted twenty years in an apocalyptic world. From what Joel had seen, he had become a very pampered actor, although it's good that you seem to care about him.

“We were shooting here.” He has no filter around Joel, the absolute truth spilling from his lips as easy as breathing. “Outbreak day, I mean. They were starting to evacuate some people but…” Dieter shrugs lamely, having made his peace with it years ago. “The studio locked us down here, told us to stay out for our own safety. And then when those FEDRA fuckers came through, we hid with a couple of other people. Fuck those assholes.”

"Here?" Joel looks around and admits that it would be a good place to hole up if you needed to. "How the fuck have you survived twenty years in a hotel?"

“It turns out the staff wasn’t so big on fresh food.” When you return to the group you move right to Dieter’s side. “Obviously we’ve had to hunt, but everybody in this area just tucked tail and went where FEDRA told them to, so we’ve had a lot of abandoned resources to survive on.” It's dwindled, obviously, and it’s next to nothing now, but you’re not about to tell them that.

Joel nods, understanding now and even with it being the two of you, over the years the supplies would have been worn down. He glances towards the doors and sighs. "Well, will you let us stay tonight?" He asks, not sure if you two are willing to share your safe space. It's obviously free of infected. "We'll move on in the morning."

Dieter opens his mouth to say of course! But you put a hand on his arm before he can do more than form the first word. “Your kid’s okay?” He wouldn’t let you scan her so you have to assume that something is wrong.

"She's fine." Joel spits out defensively, shuffling slightly so he can be a human shield between you and the girl. No wonder Dieter survived; you weren't as trusting as his former boyfriend. You were smarter than that.

“If he says she’s okay, then she’s okay.” Your husband looks up at you with his best puppy dog eyes and you sigh inwardly. That expression is how he keeps you wrapped around his finger and he knows it. That, and the third fucking leg he somehow manages to hide in the lounge pants he wears every single day.

 “Okay.” You nod your head, squeezing Dieter’s shoulder before you look back to the new arrivals. “Stay the night. There’s plenty of places to sleep. We’ve kept the fourth floor for living space.”

"Have you had many people come through here?" Joel asks, glancing around again. He wonders who else is here or has been here. Despite knowing Dieter, he wonders if it's just the two of you.

“There were some groups moving through a few years ago.” Dieter waves at the sofa across from where he’s standing and flops back on a chaise lounge like an exhausted Roman emperor, pulling you down beside him. “The people who stayed behind with us either left or died. A couple got infected.” He shudders at that. It had been as traumatic as anything he could remember, to see his friends turn to literal monsters. “But mostly it’s just been us, the gramophone, and a hell of a lot of books.”

 "Never thought I would see you settle down." Joel admits, smirking slightly at the position that Dieter has thrown himself into. At least the affection between the two of you seems genuine. "It only took the fucking end of the world."

 Ellie has been staring at Dieter and her face lights up. "I know you! You're an actor! You were in that movie...what the hell is the name of it?" She snaps her fingers, biting her lip as she tries to figure out what it was. "It's one of the few we had in the FEDRA school." She looks over at Joel. "How the fuck do you know him?"

Dieter grimaces at the idea that FEDRA is using his movies as propaganda, but he looks at Joel curiously. Why the hell was his kid in a FEDRA school? “Your dad and I grew up together,” he explains, not knowing how much she might know about the man Joel used to be. “Way back when.”

"I'm not her dad." Joel says at the same time Ellie goes, "He's not my dad."

 The two of them look at each other and then Ellie's eyes widen. "Wait! You knew Joel when he was young. Has he always been an asshole?" She demands, grinning at Joel before she looks at Dieter expectantly.

“Kind of.” Dieter laughs, enjoying the scowl on his ex-boyfriend’s face. “He’s always had resting asshole face. Never started fights but always ended them, ya know? Nobody fucked with Joel back then.” Except him - but that was a fully different meaning of the word.

Joel's brow lifts, watching you try to keep your expression neutral because it's obvious you know the complete nature of his and Dieter's relationship back in high school. That the two of them had been together and explored sexually before Dieter had left for college and never come back. It's interesting that Dee ended up with a woman, like he had. Despite all the rumors of fucking anyone who would let him, Dieter still managed to bag gorgeous women and it seems that the Outbreak hadn't changed that.

“So you guys are headed to Wyoming?” Even with Dieter curled around you like a man-shaped blanket, you somehow manage to maintain your composure in the face of his ex.

Joel nods, his fingers twitching when he sees Dieter’s hands start to drift from the socially acceptable areas of a partner’s body in front of guests. “Yeah.” He clears his throat, suddenly thinking about the times that he and Dieter would fantasize together.

Dieter smirks, obviously doing it on purpose to see if he can get a rise out of Joel decades later, and lets his hand span the inside of your thigh with glee. "To find Tommy?" He prompts.

His eyes are on the way that Dieter is gripping your thigh, blanking out for a moment before he comes to. "Huh? Oh...yeah." Joel grunts out, trying to ignore the way that his cock twitches. "To find Tommy." He nods, trying not to let Dieter get to him. It wasn't like he had forgotten everything they had done together and talked about doing together.

"I'm surprised you let him out of your sight." The smirk on the younger man's face grows and he drops a kiss on your shoulder. You're just letting the conversation roll along, seemingly unbothered by Dieter's roaming hands. Presumably, you're very used to it. "Tommy was in my class." He explains to you. "Joel was very protective back then."

"He— he's my brother." Lucky for Joel, Ellie has lost interest in the catching up happening between him and Dieter and has started exploring the hotel. "Of course I was protective." He doesn't mention that he had protected Dieter just as vehemently.

"Mmhmm." Your hand catches Dieter's before it can go as far as cupping your cunt right in front of his ex, but you just shake your head. Unbothered and maybe vaguely amused is how your expression reads. "Dee hasn't had an audience in a while," you explain vaguely, throwing your husband an indulgent smile. "Clearly he's glad to see you."

Joel shuffles slightly and clears his throat, unsure of what his ex might have shared with you about that time. "I don't know about that." He grunts. "Been a long time."

"Joel." Dieter aims that deadly pout at the older man now, just the same way he had learned to aim it at you. "She knoooooows. You think I didn't tell me wife about the first cock I ever sucked?"

Joel’s eyes widen and he quickly twists his head around and makes sure that Ellie hadn't decided to be nosy. Not that he gave a fuck about people knowing that side of him, but she would be annoying as fuck with all the questions. When he sees that she's messing behind the front counter, pretending she's checking people into rooms, he looks back at the two of you. "So did you get married before the Outbreak or...?" He tries not to think about how good Dieter had gotten at sucking his cock since it's been a long fucking time from the last blow job he's gotten until now.

"You're making the poor guy nervous, babe." He did that sometimes, usually unintentionally, but it had been a long time since anyone else had even been physically near you to make nervous. Turning your head, you press a kiss to Dieter's cheek and ruffle his hair affectionately. "I'll go find the kid something to eat and get her settled? Give you boys some time to catch up."

 "Mm, you're the fuckin' best." Dieter hums, giving your ass a squeeze before you walk off in the direction of the front desk to get the teenager's attention. "I, uh—" He had forgotten what Joel asked, but the thought snaps back quickly once he's done staring at your ass. "Yeah, we...we got married like...a couple of months before the Outbreak. We just did a little thing in our backyard in Malibu." He shrugs, though his smile is a little lopsided remembering the soft, white sundress you'd worn that day and how gorgeous you looked under all the twinkle lights strung through every tree that night. "Didn't want fuckin paps everywhere, ya know?"

"You always did kind of like nature." The smug comment falls off his tongue before he can stop it. Something very different from a backyard in Malibu.

******

Dieter grunts as he pushes Joel against the broad tree-trunk, one hand on the older boy's chest to hold him in place as they exchange a ferocious kiss. It's been a week since they got any time alone together and they're ravenous for contact at this point. His other hand is everywhere - touching, grasping, groping, unsettled and needy and frazzled with want.

"Dee, fuck." Joel's groan doesn't go far in the thick copse of trees, deep inside and past the old abandoned barn that had been reclaimed by nature. "You always get so fuck-ing eager when I defend you." His own fingers sink into Dieter's hair and twists around the curls, pulling as he drags the other's boy's lips back to his. Groaning again when he cups his cock through the thin basketball shorts he had been wearing when he had slipped out of the gym to meet Dieter in the woods.

"It's sexy." The explanation is honest, at least, and Dieter grins again when he feels Joel's dick twitch and harden a little more in his palm. "My big, scary protector," he croons. He's not even exaggerating.

"Start-starting to think you— you taunt them." Joel knows Dieter doesn't, but it's cute to see the pout flash across his boyfriend's face. "Shit." He hisses when Dieter's exceptionally nimble fingers slide up his shorts to wrap around his cock. "Keep it up." He growls in warning. It's been a fucking week since he's fucked Dieter since his parents actually decided to come home, although they are leaving again this afternoon. He's got a major case of blue balls and his fucking boyfriend is teasing him.

"I've been up." Dieter retorts, taking Joel's hand and pressing it against the front of his jeans. Over the course of their extremely secret relationship, he's had to get very creative with how to hide his hard-ons so he doesn't sport noticeable wood whenever Joel is around.

"Shit." He hisses, squeezing Dieter's cock and groaning when the other boy starts to massage his cock. "Come over tonight." He begs quietly. "I want—I want to fuck you." Tommy is aware of the relationship, but he doesn't give a damn and he doesn't say a word about it. Everyone else in town just thought that Joel protected Dieter because they were friends.

"Your parents leaving?" Mouthing at Joel's neck, Dieter is careful to never leave a mark behind but always uses enough pressure to make his boyfriend squirm. Stroking his cock at the same time - like he's doing now - is usually a recipe for breaking Joel's composure pretty quickly.

"Yeah." Joel's parents think that Joel has just adopted another kid to look after but even if they weren't leaving, he would want Dieter to come over. "You—if they didn't, we could be quiet." It would have to be Dieter that was quiet because he got loud when he was getting fucked. "Shit baby."

"I bet I could get you to scream now." Dieter's eyes flash mischievously. He nips at the sensitive skin of Joel's throat and gives his cock one more stroke before dropping to his knees in the patch of grass around the tree Joel is pressed against. "Don't have to be quiet in the woods."

"Oh fuck." Joel's eyes widen and he glances around just because of how exposed they are. "Baby, you don't—" He doesn't want to say yes because he doesn't want Dieter to feel like he owes him for saving him from another beating but he doesn't stop him when he reaches for the elastic band of his shorts and starts to pull them down. "Are you really going to suck my dick in the woods?" He asks breathlessly.

The wolfish grin on Dieter's face is the only answer he gives, right before diving in and taking Joel's fully hard cock in his mouth. He winks up at him from his knees before readjusting his hand around the base of Joel's shaft, making sure that he doesn't leave a single inch of that gorgeous dick untouched before he starts to bob back and forth like he had taught himself from untold hours of porn.

"Shiiiiiiiit." Joel doesn't even feel it when he bangs his head back against the tree. The wet heat of Dieter's mouth is fucking amazing and his eyes squish shut. "Oh fuck." One hand is curled into a fist and the other reaches down and tangles into Dieter's hair again. "So fucking good. Suck dick like a fucking vacuum."

A pleased, almost preening sound bubbles out of Dieter, basking in Joel's praise, and vibrates around his cock as he works the length over and over again. The hand in his hair only spurs him on, gauging how much pleasure Joel is getting from how tight he's tugging his hair. Dieter is an observant little shit if nothing else, and he had zeroed in on Joel's tells quickly as their physical relationship grew. This time will be fast and furious, judging from the way Joel's fingers are digging into his scalp.

It's almost natural how quickly his hips start to rock forward, looking down and watching his dick disappear into Dieter's mouth. Watching his lips stretch out around him. "Fuck, I'm gonna cum, Dee." He warns him. "Swallow it." He pants out. "Every fucking drop." There have been plenty of times where they had spit out cum, but he wants him to swallow him down today. Wanting him to taste his essence for the rest of the day.

He'll take the order gladly, moving the hand that's gripping Joel's hip to his balls to add to the pleasure and bring him over the edge. Joel Miller is a fucking gorgeous sight when he cums and Dieter keeps his eyes glued to his face so he doesn't miss a second of it.

It only takes a quick squeeze of his balls and the feeling of Dieter's throat closing around the head of his cock and Joel groans out his name. Throbbing on his boyfriend's tongue as ropes of cum spill down his throat in an intense rush that seems to get better every fucking time.

Dieter has instructions and he follows them to the letter, swallowing down every last drop including the ones he has to lick off the corners of his mouth before they escape and dribble down his chin. Joel looks absolutely wrecked and it makes him proud to know that he did that. He is the reason that the hottest, brooding-est athlete in school is panting in pleasure. It's his name that Joel Miller says when he cums. "Feel better, baby?"

"Stand the fuck up." Joel growls, grabbing Dieter's arm and dragging him up off the floor of the woods. Kissing him desperately despite the lingering remnant of his own spend on his boyfriend's tongue. He doesn't care. Shuffling to turn him around and push him up against the same tree he had just cum in front of, Joel breaks the kiss to take Dieter's place on his knees.

The needy whimper that spills out of Dieter's mouth when Joel drops to his knees echoes in the trees and he braces himself as best he can against the one at his back. "Y-you don't...ha-have to," he shudders watching Joel tug open the buttons on his jeans. "Fuck baby."

Joel huffs, rolling his eyes up at Dieter as he yanks the boy's pants down and smirks when he doesn't find any underwear. "You think I'm going to leave you hanging?" He demands, reaching out and wrapping his hand around Dieter's throbbing cock. Leaning in and taking him into his mouth with the same eagerness that he had been sucked off.

"Know you w—wouldn't." Dieter gasps out, shuddering as Joel's hot mouth closes around his length. If he believed in God ever, he'd be thanking Him incessantly for making Joel Miller bisexual. He groans deep in his chest and twines his fingers through Joel's short hair. "Fuuuck."

Humming around the cock in his mouth, Joel starts to jerk the base quickly. Also having learned exactly what does it for Dieter, and he hollows his cheeks around him. It will be fast and dirty; it always is when Joel blows him. It's like he still hasn't gotten used to the fact that the boy he has such a crush on would suck his dick.

"Shit, shit, shit!" One hand grasps the tree trunk behind him to steady himself but Dieter's other hand cards through Joel's hair. He doesn't like it as rough as Dieter does so he's careful not to pull too hard. "You're so fucking good at that, fuck."

Joel looks up at him, bobbing his head frantically as he swallows around him. Wanting him to fall apart and cum for him. He's gorgeous when he cums, shakily panting Joel's name as he does.

It never takes Dieter long when they're like this. The danger of potential discovery is almost as much of a turn on as the person on his knees, and Dieter's stamina can never stand up against Joel's determination to make him practically implode with desire. Mere minutes is all it takes before Dieter is gasping out his name in choked breaths. "Joel, f—fuuuck Joel, I'm gonna cum, baby, fuck, fuck, Joel!"

The first time Dieter had cum in Joel's mouth, he had nearly gagged. Sputtering from the force of the spurts hitting his tonsils, but now he's swallowing him down just like he had told Dieter to. Holding onto his hips and pulling him closer as his boyfriend bucks into his mouth and shouts his name.

Dieter crumples against the tree, eyes wide to watch Joel in awe, and pants for breath as the last rope of his cum hits his boyfriend's tongue with force. He's watched enough porn to know that he cums hard, but Joel doesn't complain about it. Sometimes he teases, but it's never mean. "H-holy shit," he huffs out, fingers instantly soothing through Joel's hair because he knows he pulled way too hard when he came.

Joel hums, swallowing the last drops before he surges to his feet and kisses him one last time. "We— we need to get back." He pants quietly. "You comin' over tonight?"

"Yeah." One more kiss, because Dieter can't help himself, and he shifts his jeans back up his legs to button them carefully. "I'll come over as soon as I can." Both boys know that that means as soon as Dad is drunk but neither of them say it. There's no use in holding the black cloud over time they get to spend together.

"Yeah." Joel nods, frowning slightly and shaking his head. "Just pack up for the weekend," he suggests.

"Okay." Dieter murmurs, nodding slightly. He grasps on for one more kiss before fixing a bit of Joel's hair that he tugged out of place. "Go. They're gonna notice you're gone if you stay longer."

Joel pulls his shorts up and nods. "I'll see you later, okay?" He swallows and tosses Dieter a grin before he turns and starts to make his way out of the woods to go work out for gym class.

******

"Can't believe you're actually fuckin' here." Dieter mutters, shaking his head at Joel. "I mean I'm not surprised you were stubborn enough to survive, but...fuck, ya know?" He huffs at how inarticulate he is for a man who used to make his living at spoken words. "Tell me about shit. You, Tommy, your life, whatever. What was..." he searches his spotty memory, barely coming up with kernels of information. "Amber, right?" The last time the two men had seen each other in any meaningful way was when Joel's wife was pregnant. But considering he has a kid with him that isn't his and is too young to be that kid anyway, Dieter isn't exactly sure what happened.

Joel's eyes slide away from Dieter's, not because he had been ashamed of his relationship with Amber. Both men had moved on from their relationship. "Yeah." He huffs quietly. "She— she left, a few months after Sarah, our daughter, was born." He tells Dieter, looking down at his watch like he always does when he thinks of her.

“Shit…” The word drags out awkwardly as Dieter rubs at the back of his neck and tries not to cringe. “I’m sorry, man. That’s bullshit. You guys seemed so happy…”

"Well..." Joel shrugs. "She wasn't happy being a mother after all, I guess." He hadn't thought about Amber in years, but it still hurts that she had abandoned him with a three-month-old baby. It had been a learning curve to be a single parent. Only his time raising his brother had helped.

“I’m sorry.” Dieter says again, slipping off the chaise he was sitting on to come sit next to Joel. He’s rarely seen a version of this man that was hurting, so it’s not something he really knows how to process. He just knows that Joel used to like having him close, so he gravitates that way. “I didn’t mean to— I mean…you know,” he mumbles incoherently.

“You didn’t know.” Joel knows he would never willingly cause him any pain. Not even when he had moved on.

Dieter bites his lip, not wanting to ask about Joel’s daughter since he had already asked one dumb question already. “So Tommy’s in Wyoming?” He settles on, hoping it isn’t a sore subject as well. He wants to sit and catch up with Joel, he’s just shit at small talk.

“Yeah.” He rolls his eyes and sighs. “Dumbass joined the Fireflies.” He huffs. “So he went out west and I had stayed in Boston.” He knows that Dieter wants to ask so he swallows. “Sarah…my daughter.” His voice is low enough that only Dieter can hear. “She died on Outbreak day.”

“Jesus.” Instinctively, Dieter reaches out and covers Joel’s hand with his, squeezing gently. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Well, you remember when my birthday is, right?” He asks, turning his hand and not letting the other man’s hand go. Nearly thirty years later, the touch of him still soothes.

“Oh shit.” It clicks in his mind instantly and he clutches Joel’s hand that much tighter. “She…Jesus Christ,” he huffs. “I woulda thrown myself off a goddamn bridge. I don’t know how you’re still standing.”

“It wasn’t for lack of trying the first few years.” Joel admits. “I sort of shut down.” Tommy was the only reason he had stuck around.

“Don’t blame you.” The sigh that Dieter blows out is audible and he points a thumb over his shoulder. “She’s pulled me back from the edge so many times I think she might’ve gone a little crazy herself.” His eyes cut back to Joel, though, and to their hands. “Kinda like you, back then.”

“You’re worth it.” Joel chuckles, remembering how Dieter had always kind of needed an emotional support person. It’s how he thrived.

Dieter’s habitual lopsided, lazy smile returns to his face slowly and he eyes Joel curiously. “Stay more than a night.” He asks, wondering what else has been going on in Joel’s life these past endless years. Dieter is a sentimental bastard, always has been, and nostalgic when he feels like it. “We don’t have much left, but…you don’t need to run off.”

“I—” Joel swallows and looks around. “You can’t stay here. Not without food. Even as safe as it is.”

“Something always turns up.” It’s sweet that Joel still worries, the instinct to protect Dieter apparently not having waned. “There’s a lake nearby. We fish a lot, and get some birds that way.” Like he said - it’s not a lot. But it’s enough for two.

It isn’t Joel’s place to try to make decisions for you and Dieter, but he makes his own decision to not take anything from the two of you. He won't accept any supplies if offered. He nods and looks around again. “It’s a nice place to have to spend the end of the world.” He flashes a grin. “Too bad the hot water doesn’t work.”

“You get used to filling up the industrial sink with heated water if you want a hot bath.” Dieter shrugs. His pampered lifestyle didn’t translate to the apocalypse, obviously.

“Better than freezing your ass off in a river.” Joel acknowledges, smirking at the howling Dieter would make, being cold. He had never liked cold water.

“Stay a little.” Dieter asks again, the insistence in his voice nearly a whine. “Just a little.” He huffs at himself, looking down at Joel’s hand in his. “A couple of days?”

“Your wife may not like that.” Joel prompts him gently. Just because he has a history with Dieter doesn’t mean he doesn’t know what he’s done before settling down. He won’t make poor decisions for his former lover. “You might want to ask her.”

“What makes you think I would marry a square?” It makes him laugh, more than he expected, and Dieter rolls his eyes affectionately at Joel. “If she says yes, you stay.”

“Okay.” He agrees with a small nod. “If she agrees, I’ll stay.”

******

“You two been on the road for long?” You’ve covered the basics with this kid - Ellie - and basically only managed to find out that she’s a 14-year-old bag of snarky comments, but it’s oddly reassuring that teenagers haven’t changed just because the world ended. In the big industrial kitchen there’s some water for her to drink, and she took up the offer understandably eagerly.

Ellie shrugs slightly. “Couple of months.” She tells you after she gulps down the last swallow of water. “We’ve walked a lot of miles.” She tells you. “His boots are wearing out.”

“How about yours?” You pour her another glass, knowing that you can get more from the lake. “They must be getting pretty worn, too? Clothes, too.”

“It happens.” She hasn’t wanted to complain but it’s getting harder. Especially when she’s run through all the tampons and the last time she had just stuffed her panties with an old shirt.

“There’s stuff here.” Nudging the refilled glass back across the table to her, you offer the kid as kind a smile as you can muster. “Everybody that was staying here, they left stuff behind. So there’s lots to pick from.”

“That would be cool.” She nods and takes the glass back again. “I like some of the stuff they wore back then.”

“Yeah?” That makes you almost laugh and tilt your head at her. “What stuff? I might know what room to send you to, to find it.”

“I don’t know how to describe it.” Ellie rolls her eyes. “Not like we have fashion week at FEDRA schools.” She looks around to make sure Joel isn’t close by. “You don’t have period shit, do you?” She asks furtively.

“Some.” You nod, trying to remember the exact inventory of pads you have in the closet upstairs. The nearest convenience stores, pharmacies, and even grocery store loot had all been piled into this hotel when there was just a small group of survivors, but thankfully there had only been two menstruating people in that group. “Do you need it now?” If she did, she probably needed clean clothes desperately, and wouldn’t hate a bath. You could heat some water for her to ease the pain.

“I ended yesterday.” Ellie rolls her eyes. It’s hard trying to hide that from Joel and especially hard when traveling out in the wilderness. The conversation about animals smelling her menstrual blood had been one filled with stuttered speech on Joel’s part and mortification on Ellie’s.

“I’ll pack some up for you.” What little you have left can be shared. She’s out in the wild and might not come across more…but you’re at least in a place where you can wash your rags each month. “I can’t imagine he’s remembering to check for supplies like that when you get a chance to rummage through places.”

“I’m normally on the lookout for that kind of thing.” Ellie snorts, imagining Joel buying tampons before the outbreak. He would be so fucking uncomfortable with it. Just like he was anytime she started complaining about cramps.

“I’ll scrounge up what I can for you.” Being a teenager out in the wilderness can’t be easy - even with access to tampons or pads. “I wish I had some pain killers or something to send you out with, but not getting FEDRA out here means our supplies dried up quickly.”

“Doesn’t hurt too bad.” Ellie shrugs. “Not like getting stabbed. That hurts like a motherfucker.”

“Yeah.” The abruptness of the observation makes you laugh, and you almost miss seeing Dieter amble toward through the kitchen doorway. “Yeah. Getting stabbed fucking sucks.”

“Who’s getting stabbed?” Dieter asks, brows raised and a goofy grin on his face as he makes his way to your side.

"It's a uterus thing." You assure him, happy as always to have your husband attach himself to your side. "I'm going to pack up some supplies for Ellie and get her new clothes, all that kind of stuff. There's enough to share upstairs."

“They are going to stay a couple of days.” Dieter announces, grinning at you like he’s won the lottery. “As long as you’re okay with it. Joel insisted.” He rolls his eyes as if it was never a question.

"Yeah. That's okay with me." It's not like you hadn't expected it, once you realized who Joel was to Dieter. While he's not exactly nostalgic for the entire way the world used to be, he's always talked about this particular ex with fondness. And while maybe it would have been weird twenty years ago, the world has changed. The fact is, you have resources and a roof, and they could use the help. "I'll go down and check the traps and do some fishing? Or we could all go, depending on how badly Joel and Ellie need to rest."

“I want to go!” Ellie immediately volunteers, always eager to see and do new things. There’s something going on with Joel and she figures she needs to give him some space to decide. These people have to be alright if Joel’s considering staying for a few days.

"That's the most excited I've ever seen a teenager get about fishing," you laugh, nodding to Ellie. "Alright, at the very least I'll take Ellie down to the lake and we can rustle up some dinner." What you have stored is best fleshed out with a catch of the day, and that's just fine.

“Cool.” Ellie grins, practically bouncing on her toes as Joel strides into the kitchen.

 “What’s cool?”

"As long as it's okay with you, I thought I would take Ellie down to the lake to do some fishing." He seems the protective sort, something you knew to be true from Dieter's stories but is very obvious upon meeting him. "Just down to the lake. Very safe. If you wanted to look out the south windows of the hotel or sit on the back porch, you could see us easily enough."

Joel frowns and looks between the hopeful face of Ellie and the two other adults. He sees the trust that Dieter places in you and his shoulders relax slightly. “You keep your gun on you, you hear me?” He tells Ellie seriously. “Keep your eyes open too and don’t fall in the goddamn water.” He looks over at you. “She can’t swim.”

"Understood." You nod, understanding that he takes whatever guardianship he has of this girl very seriously. "If it will make you feel better, we can all go? There's enough reels. This place has a little boathouse filled up with equipment and kayaks from letting guests go out on the lake way back when."

“Shit.” Dieter chuckles. “When was the last time you went fishing, Joel?” He asks, smirking. There had been plenty of times when they were teens, but they funnily enough never caught anything.

 Joel huffs and rolls his eyes. “Fine. We can all go.” He grumbles. “Wish there was beer though.” He jokes dryly.

Dieter opens his mouth excitedly only to have you point a finger at him knowingly. "You are not letting your friend touch that bathtub shit we made. It's bad enough we drink it. Joel doesn't need to be going blind from homemade moonshine."

“Moonshine.” Joel looks between the two of you and his eyes widen slightly. “I’m willing to risk it.”

"We're living in an art deco hotel, baby," Dieter reminds you, waggling his eyebrows at Joel's enthusiastic response. "If we didn't make bathtub booze it would be a sin against dramatic irony." All you can do is shake your head at them to keep from showing your amusement, otherwise Dieter will know he's won all too easily. "I'm pretty sure it has as much to do with irony as an Alanis Morrissette song, but...fine. You're both big boys. You can make your own decisions."

Joel waves his hand in front of your face. “You aren’t blind yet.” He reasons. “Has to be kinda decent.” He scoffs. “Remember that shit we used to drink? That was bad.”

"It's not far off," Dieter snorts, amusement lacing the creases in his face which are usually reserved for care or worry. "Still, I don't recommend we drink on the water." It's too out in the open, and drowning is a real concern, although you have no intention of letting the kid drink any. "We'll have some tonight?"

“Sounds good.” Joel can understand and appreciate the caution. He looks over at Ellie and nods at her. “Ready to go fishing, kiddo?”

"Hell yeah." Ellie pops up from the stool she was sitting on, excited to try something completely new.

 "This way." You nod to the opposite direction that everyone came in, ready to take them through the backdoor of the kitchen and out into the remaining afternoon light. It's actually pretty out here if you ignore the highway off in the distance, and that's not hard to do with twenty years of overgrowth and a grove of trees that cropped up around the back of the hotel property. It's chilly out but not too cold yet and you're reasonably optimistic that you can catch something to eat tonight. Tomorrow you'll stay out here for longer, catching whatever you can and stocking up for a few days of visitors.

“How do you keep warm in the hotel?” Joel asks, frowning slightly. “Are there fireplaces in the rooms?”

"Some of them." When you get outside, you turn around and point to the top of the hotel. From the back, several small chimneys are visible that are hidden by the architecture and signage of the front. "That's why we turned the fourth floor into our living space. Those are the suites that have working fireplaces. The other rooms had them filled in or they weren't there at all. It seems like they were an incentive to get a suite instead of a regular room."

“Makes sense.” Joel nods and has to admit that it seems like you have a very nice set up. Too bad you didn’t have any long-term setups like a garden or animals. “I like the fact you have a lake to fish in and gather water.”

"If we knew anything about raising animals it would be better than fishing and setting traps for rabbits or squirrels." You stifle a laugh when Dieter makes a face about squirrel meat and let him take the lead when it comes to the tour.

"Garden is that way," he says, pointing to the eastern side of the building. "Traps are around the tree line. There's a river that comes through the woods to feed the lake, and there's mushrooms for foraging." He flashes Joel a cackling grin. "I know, not something most people want to eat these days. but like I said. They made me one of their own."

Joel huffs out a chuckle and shakes his head. Only Dieter could make a joke like that work. “I get it.” He rolls his eyes and looks over at where Ellie is staring at him like he’s grown a second head.

"Don't worry about it," you advise, nudging Ellie a little and smiling at your husband's ridiculous joke. "The point is, we do okay for food. It's not exactly a farm or anything, but there are a lot worse places we could have gotten stuck."

“All you need is a pen for animals.” Joel murmurs, looking out over the water and the low hanging sun. “It seems like very few infected come through here?”

"Sometimes wanderers come through. Ones that get separated from the hive. Or travelers passing through the area." Dieter grins again, but he shrugs this time. "You'd be surprised how many people still get star struck when they recognize me. Usually better than a gun for getting people to back off."

“I still can’t believe you know Dieter Fucking Bravo!” Ellie crows, shaking her head in amazement. “Like— how?”

"I have to ask," you look over at Ellie on your other side and tilt your head curiously. "How do you even know who he is? You were born after the Outbreak."

“FEDRA school I was at had his movies.” She shrugs like it was simple. “We were allowed to watch them sometimes. Apparently the dean was a big fan or some shit.”

"So you've seen more of my movies than I have." Dieter observes, unhooking the sunglasses from the front of his worn t-shirt and sliding them on his face with pride. "Never watch your own shit, kid. Not that they make movies anymore. But like...in life."

“Is it true you’ve done porn?” Ellie asks, tilting her head at Dieter. “There’s a rumor that the dean would give anything to have a sex movie of you.”

 “Ellie!” Joel hisses, mortified at the question and the manners of his charge.

"Nah." The question barely phases Dieter and he brushes it away like she had asked him if he preferred hamburgers or hotdogs. He does get a kick out of Joel's shock, though, considering he was the first other person whoever made him cum. "Not that got leaked anyway," he jokes to Ellie, looking at her from over his sunglasses. "Only people seeing my junk are gonna be the ones I choose specifically." Granted that list is extremely long, but he had still made the decision each time.

“Obviously a wise policy.” Ellie intones seriously, glancing at Joel. “How do you know each other?” She demands, finding it completely cool that she’s met someone she saw on the shitty projector at school. It’s surreal and intriguing how the biggest asshole she knows seems to be on friendly terms with him.

"We went to school together." Dieter knocks into Joel's shoulder by accident as he tries to walk backward to face Ellie and play tour guide and grin at the sun all at once. "Middle and high school. Worst years of my fuckin' life if not for this asshole." His grin turns to Joel full force, and he hears you stifle a giggle, knowing he doesn't mean asshole in the least.

“Did he get all gruff and puff up at you?” Ellie squares her shoulder and holds her arms out to make herself appear broader as she gives an exaggerated ‘Joel’ expression. “You’re a pain in my goddamn ass, you know that?” She huffs out gruffly, mimicking Joel. “Stop talking. Go to sleep.” She cackles at her own impression and shoots Joel a grin, knowing he won’t do anything but roll his eyes and huff under his breath.

"Sort of." The lopsided expression on Dieter's face is soft when he turns his head to look at Joel. "More like...You're a pain in my goddamn ass. Don't be such an idiot. Help me finish my homework." His imitation of Joel is more like an imitation of Ellie's imitation, making it all the more ridiculous and worth laughing about.

“You were being an idiot.” Joel insists, rolling his eyes even though he can’t quite stop the grin that slips through his serious facade. “And you were better at the English shit. You had to help me so we could do other things.”

"Other things?" Ellie waggles her eyebrows the way she had seen Dieter do, thinking it was hilarious even the first time he did it. "Joel, were you bad?" The question is nothing short of gleeful, like she's relishing every second of insight into his former life.

Joel rolls his eyes and scoffs. “Yeah.” He tells her. “We were totally bad.” They had actually been pretty good kids now that he was looking back, but at the time, it was about sex and keeping Dieter from getting his ass beaten.

"Did you like...beat people up and stuff?" Since Ellie's only frame of reference for pre-Outbreak high school is books and movies, she goes straight to what she knows from those. "Sneak out behind the building to smoke cigarettes?" She gasps excitedly. "Did you smoke pot?!"

“I only beat up people who fucked with Dieter, or my brother.” Joel admits. “And of course we smoked pot.” He huffs, pointing at Dieter. “You don’t think this asshole didn’t do drugs in high school?”

Dieter's delighted chuckle makes Ellie crow and she playfully punches Joel in the arm as the group makes their way around to the front of the boat house. "I knew you used to be cool. Oh man – oh man, Dieter, I need stories. Seriously!"

“Who says I’m not cool now?” Joel demands gruffly, fully aware that Ellie thinks he’s lame. Even Sarah would think he’s lame if she were alive.

"Dude." Ellie's gaze could cut glass when she looks over at him. "I've spent every day for months with you. I know cool. You're not cool."

“You know cool, huh?” Joel snorts and rolls his eyes. “Just because I’m trying to keep your ass alive, I’m not cool.”

"'Fraid I have to argue with that." Dieter's lazy smile is pointed at Joel again. "But Joel Miller was very fucking cool. Guess I must have stolen it all away over time." Sucked it out through his cock is the undertone of the comment, but he doubts the kid gets that.

Joel chuckles, not missing the hot glance that Dieter is sending him. “Your wife.” He reminds the actor quietly.

"Knows all about it," you laugh, dismissing it and hustling Ellie past the two men into the boat house to get her a life jacket and a reel.

Joel slows down, trying to figure out if you are talking about the past or the very obvious hints Dieter seems to be dropping. Or maybe he’s just reading too much into it.

"Joel!" When you toss his name over your shoulder from inside the boathouse you can't exactly see where he's gone to. "You gonna join us?"

“Yeah— uh, coming!” Joel jogs slightly to catch up, wondering where the hell Dieter had found a woman like you.

It doesn't take too long to get suited up, and the four of you pull the lone rowboat out of the boathouse to bring down to the lakeside. It's a little too heavy for just you and Dieter to manage so you haven't used it in years, but you've kept it clean just in case. For the four of you it's perfect, and gives you plenty of space to collect any fish you catch.

Joel chuckles, obviously sensing he’s being put to work and he takes the oars after he helps you drag it into the water. “Don’t flip the boat.” He warns Ellie as the three of you climb into it. “Or you’ll sleep in wet clothes.”

“She wouldn’t make me.” Ellie points a thumb in your direction. “Turns out your friends are the cool ones, I guess.”

“Smart ass.” Joel grunts before he starts to row out onto the lake once everyone is situated in the boat.

It takes a little while for Ellie to get the hang of fishing, but it’s a generally quiet activity with a lot of long waiting periods involved, so conversation turns over again and again while the four of you sit together. Ellie tells you and Dieter about her school and Boston, Joel grunts his agreement or disagreement, Dieter tells a story that he realizes halfway through probably wasn’t appropriate, and you finish up with a censored version of the rest of the events. It’s a good system, honestly, and the four of you find yourselves laughing in between catching a few medium-to-smaller sized fish. It doesn’t matter what they are, you’ll eat them no matter what, but at least they all look clear-eyed and healthy when you pull them up into the boat.

“The sun’s about gone.” Joel observes, handing his pole to Ellie and picking up the oars. “Ready to go back?” This is your area and you will know if it’s safe or not to be out past sundown.

“Yeah, I think we have more than enough for tonight.” There’s more than one fish per person, which is great, and if you don’t eat it all tonight you’ll salt some of it to preserve for a night in the future. Sometimes you swear the spirits of pioneer women are out here whispering secrets in your ears because you certainly didn’t fucking know how to preserve fish before the world ended.

 “Great! I’m fucking starving!” Ellie chortles, making Joel puff.

 “Ellie! Watch your goddamn language.” He pants out as he rows back to shore.

Dieter snorts, knowing full well how much Joel swears himself, and nudges his friend. “When did you get so prim?” He teases.

“She’s a kid.” He points out, knowing that his own language was bad at that age but he hadn’t cursed around adults.

“Mmhmm.” Dieter laughs the way only Dieter can - slightly delirious and fully amused. “Whatever you say, Joely.”

The only reason Joel doesn’t shoot Dieter a finger is because his hands are busy. “Kiss my ass, Black.” Dieter’s real last name comes off his tongue naturally.

“Whooooooooooa!” Ellie inhales like she’s swallowing a tornado, eyes wide, and then doubles over in cackling laughter. “I fucking love it here.” She declares when she gasps for air again.

Joel chuckles at her, aware that she’s not had a whole lot of fun lately and deserves to enjoy it. If it weren’t for the need to find Tommy, he would consider staying here. “Easy, you’ll fart if you laugh so hard.” He drolls.

Ellie snorts at that and Dieter chuckles, squeezing your knee as you shake your head and laugh beside him. “I’ll heat some extra water so you guys can take baths,” you promise them, figuring that a little relaxation would do them both good. “Dieter can grab fresh clothes for Joel and I’ll find some for Ellie.”

 “We can help.” Joel offers. “I don’t want to create extra work for you.” He can’t imagine Dieter is incredibly helpful on the best of days with it just being the two of you.

“It’s been a while since we had guests.” You shrug, but nod in acceptance of the offer. “Actually, it’s been so long that I can’t even remember the last time I thought of anyone as a guest.”

“It’s so cool to live in a hotel like this.” Ellie huffs. “This is better than your sheep farm fantasy, Joel.”

“Sheep farm fantasy?” Dieter almost chokes. “What the hell is she talking about?”

“Jesus,” Joel rolls his eyes. “Nothing like that. I just said that if I could do anything after this trip, I would have a little ranch with sheep or something.”

“Anything?” Another guffaw falls from Dieter’s lips and he throws his head back in amusement. “Anything in the world and you choose sheep rancher? What happened to Joel Miller, Badass Rockstar?” In their adolescent dreams of fame and fortune, Joel always dreamt of being a singer. He would hum Dieter to sleep on his worst nights and they would sneak into the rock shows that Austin had to offer on the best nights.

“Holy shit, Joel.” Ellie looks both surprised and impressed. “You sing?”

Joel shrugs but Dieter isn’t done telling his secrets. “He sings and plays both guitar and piano.” His former lover boasts. “He loves music.”

“Suddenly I regret not being able to tune the baby grand in the ballroom.” When the rowboat softly bumps the shore, you gather up the bucket full of fish at your feet. “Don’t worry, Joel,” you offer him an olive branch even though you’re curious. “We won’t make you put on a floor show.”

Joel snorts. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had a piano in front of me.” He admits, although he wouldn’t mind having a guitar to play.

"It sounds like a dying cat no matter which key you hit." Dieter giggles, knowing full well that it is like the sound of nails on a chalkboard to your ears. He tinkers with it to annoy you sometimes.

“You couldn’t play to save your life.” Joel huffs at Dieter, remembering the times he had tried to teach him how to play. “Don’t tell me you tortured your wife with your horrible playing?”

"Mayyyyyybe." His former lover grins unapologetically. "I'm shit with music and always have been."

 "Which makes it all the more hilarious that the movie he was filming here had him playing a musician." You had found it endlessly hilarious when they were courting Dieter for the role, knowing full well that they would have to dub his vocals.

“Jesus Christ.” Joel winces. “I’m glad that one didn’t make it out. I would have such a hard time sitting through that one.”

"Oh, it wasn't actually going to be me singing." Grabbing the bucket from your hand and putting out his arm to help you out of the boat, Dieter sighs dramatically at Joel's teasing. "They had some American Idol runner up locked into a contract to sing for me. Be glad for that guy that he didn't have to listen to me garbling along when he did the dubbing."

“Poor bastard.” Joel chuckles and sends Dieter an indulgent grin. “I’ve listened to you singing too many nights when you were staying over.”

"Awwe, you guys did sleepovers?" Ellie pops out of the boat with little help, flashing Joel a shit-eating grin. "Did you guys like...stay up all night gossiping and painting your nails?" She just can't imagine a fun, young Joel being a normal teenager. It baffles her mind, so obviously she has to joke about it.

“Oh totally.” Joel imitates a valley girl voice. “We did facials and all that.” He knows Dieter will giggle at the double entendre built into that joke. Grinning at Ellie as her eyes widen.

"Joel was infamous for his facials." Dieter almost doubles over, barely able to get the words out for laughing. "Coverage. Good, good coverage."

“Jesus Christ.” Joel can’t help but crack up as well, reaching out and slapping Dieter’s back as he joins him in the hysterical laughter.

"I don't get it." Ellie looks to you for clarification but you just shake your head and nod for her to follow you back up to the hotel.

 "Don't worry about it, El," you tell her, stifling your own laughter much better than the men had. "It's a guy thing."

It takes a few minutes for them to calm down, both of them grinning when they stop laughing. “Fuck it’s good to see you.” Joel tells Dieter breathlessly.

"You too, baby." The last word is quiet. Soft and sweet, and more than a little nostalgic when Dieter smiles much more shyly at Joel.

Joel doesn’t give a shit if Ellie sees, but he still checks to make sure that you and the girl have gone inside and when he sees the coast is clear, he grabs Dieter’s shirt and pulls him close. Pressing his lips to Dieter’s for the first kiss in nearly thirty years.

It would have been a surprise if Dieter didn't still remember how to push every single one of Joel's buttons, so instead it's sloppy and enthusiastic. Dieter grins against Joel's lips, feeling victorious and carefree, which is no mean feat in a world so laden with worries. He happily holds on for however long Joel allows, humming to himself and gripping his former lover's hips in both hands to keep him close.

It’s been so goddamn long since Joel has felt this sense of wonder. Clinging to it just like he clings to Dieter as he starts to deepen the kiss. He knows he’s married but from what he can tell, you don’t mind.

Feeling things rush back to him - nostalgia and the tinted memories of adolescence make everything feel more exciting and more romantic by nature - Dieter moans softly when Joel leans into the moment and lets the older man lick into his mouth as easily as breathing. It doesn't matter how long the moment goes on for, he knows that you will understand. Mostly because there is a very important fact that Dieter hasn't mentioned yet to Joel.

It’s only when Joel has to come up for air that he pulls away from Dieter. Nearly confused as to where he is as he comes back to reality. “Shit.” He groans softly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

"Don't be stupid." Dieter chides, sounding remarkably like his younger self for a moment. "She won't care. I mean...she might care that she didn't get to watch, but that's it."

“Still like to show off, huh?” Dieter has always been a little bit of a showy shit, and it’s nice to know that some things haven’t changed.

"I went to Hollywood." The dramatic exasperation in his voice is just for show, making Dieter giggle in response. "Plus, she likes to watch. And be watched. We're pretty evenly matched, to be honest."

“That’s—that’s good.” There hadn’t been a huge dramatic break up. No harsh words or bitter feelings. Hell, no one had known Dieter and Joel were together. But there’s always been a slight regret in not knowing what happened to his old lover. Wondering sometimes what had happened to the first romantic love he had ever had. So it’s good to find out that he’s been happy. Joel gives Dieter a smile and nods. “Really good.”

"No pouting," he chides, shaking his head to make his maniac curls fly in every direction. The last thing Dieter wants is a bummed-out Joel. He's never liked Joel upset. Even thinking about it sucked. "When I said you should stay, I meant you should have fun."

“I don’t…understand.” Joel’s brow wrinkles in confusion, frowning as he stares at his former lover.

"Baby..." Dieter smirks, smacking a kiss on Joel's cheek. "You made the prenup." To him, it is the ultimate compliment. That he had kept Joel in his heart and mind for decades. "You're my freebie."

“Your…freebie….” Again, confusion clouds his face for a moment before he finally clinks. “Oh…oh… really?” He blinks and looks around as if the hotel would provide an answer. “A hall pass, for me?”

“Why would I waste it on a guy that wouldn’t live up to you?” Dieter shrugs like it’s the most logical thing in the world. “You don’t have to. If you have somebody or would feel weird about it. But considering you just kissed me?” He grins devilishly. “She let me share her freebie, so I’m sure she’d like to share you, too.”

 “Jesus, Dee.” Joel can’t even deny that the idea is one that makes his cock twitch in his jeans. “We used to talk about that.” Two bisexual boys fucking obviously talked about the girls they liked and how they would like to share one. “Was her freebie a guy or girl?” He asks curiously.

 “Girl.” And Dieter still gets a hell of a thrill thinking about it, through the haze of a twenty-year-old memory. “Fuck if I can remember her name now. My memory’s gone to shit. Some bendy as fuck Broadway actress that I ended up actually doing a film with. She was ecstatic.”

 “So you’ve only fucked one other person other than your wife in twenty years?” He’s doubtful, but who knows.

 “Nah.” That sounds ridiculous even to Dieter, though he does love that Joel is so skeptical. He always knew him best of anyone. “The others were special circumstances. Like the one woman who was traveling through and stayed with us for about a month. She decided she’d rather stay warm and we were kinda bored with each other at the time. Or the guy who got separated from his group and ended up here for a week or two about…six years ago? Seven years ago? I dunno. He just wanted to fuck a movie star and pretend things were the way they used to be. He only wanted her to watch. But you?” He raises both eyebrows clear above his sunglasses. “You still hold the record for prettiest cock I’ve ever fucked. And…” There is a flash – just a flash – where the mask slips and Dieter shrugs. “You’re you.”

 “I’m…me…” Joel puts his hands on his hips and looks around for a second as he thinks. He wants to, badly. “I want to hear it from her.” He decides. “And I want to—to have you both.” He steps closer and bites his lip. “You— there hasn’t been another man since you, Dee.” He confesses softly.

 Dieter isn’t one to hesitate when something he wants is within reach, and right now Joel is two inches away, so he grabs right onto the front of his shirt and tugs him in, pressing his lips hard against Joel’s. “Sentimental bastard,” he teases. “And I know she’ll say yes. Caught her checking out your ass in the boathouse.”

 “Shut the fuck up.” Few would ever mistake the growl as nothing but angry, but Dieter just grins at him, knowing that he’s embarrassed. For as popular as Joel had been in school, he hadn’t been assertive when it came to relationships until he was in them.

 The leering grin on Dieter’s face is so fucking pleased that he lets out a manic little giggle. “Oh yeah,” he looks very pleased with himself - or perhaps with you. “Silver Fox works for you.”

 Joel rolls his eyes but he can feel his cock harden. “So what have you imagined?” He asks quietly. “Since I’m your pass?”

“It would be easier to tell you what I haven’t imagined.” The lack of a creative mind was never Dieter’s problem, and with the promise of bringing fantasy to reality tantalizingly close he feels that giddiness of a kid about to get a mountain of presents for his birthday. “Depends on whether you just want to fuck me, or if you want to fuck my wife, too.” His eyebrows waggle again in that signature suggestive way. “Good thing you’re staying for a few days.”

“If the offer is there…” Joel wouldn’t turn down a chance to touch either one of you, especially if it was a shared experience and want.

“Good.” That’s all Dieter needs to hear, and he reaches out and strokes his thumb over Joel’s hip to turn him toward the hotel. “We’re going to have a very fun conversation after dinner.”

“Any conversation with you is always interesting.” Joel huffs, remembering the off the wall comments that would come out of his mouth.

“There you two are.” When Dieter and Joel stroll into the kitchen they look simultaneously more relaxed and excitable, and you make a mental note to ask Dieter what happened outside after Ellie is out of earshot. Right now she’s sitting five feet away peeling vegetables. “Beginning to think you ran off on us.”

“Nahhhhh.” Dieter winks at you. “You know I would never leave you.” He comes over to stand behind you and kisses the back of your neck. “I was showing Joel the star you claim is a satellite.”

“There’s a satellite out there?” Ellie’s seemingly perpetual state of excitement spikes again.

"Hundreds of them." Joel nods. "Driftin' around up there, unused anymore." He doubts any country has retained enough of a presence to use their satellites, but who knows considering communications were cut almost from the start. You only know what FEDRA wanted you to, and that wasn't much.

“Cooooool.” It’s cooler than peeling potatoes, anyway, and that’s what she’s doing right now.

 “It makes the world a little more fun to think something ordinary like a star might be something extraordinary like a still working satellite or a UFO,” you shrug your shoulders but not enough to deter Dieter from showering you in those little bits of affection he loves to give. “It’s my make believe.”

"The aliens are avoiding this planet like the plague." Joel snorts, moving over to where the fish are sitting in the sink and pulls out his knife to clean them.

“As they fucking should.” Dieter agrees without an ounce of irony.

“Dee?” Nudging your husband slightly, you can’t help but sigh a little. He’s too fucking affectionate for his own good. It’s part of how you fell for him. “Will you bring in some firewood for the stove, baby?” The old gas lines did nothing now, but through some crafty tinkering, the ovens and stones in the big hotel kitchen had been converted into wood burning operations.

"Sure." Dieter bobbles his head and looks around the kitchen with a grin. "It's like a family dinner." He observes before he darts out the door to get the wood from the pile.

“Something that most of us haven’t had in a very long time.” It hits your own nostalgia in a very different way than seeing Joel hits for Dieter, but still gives you some nice feelings of warm and fuzzy along with him.

Joel grunts, not commenting on that as he slices the fish open to clean them out. "So tell me how you met Dieter?" He asks, glancing over at you before looking back down at his work.

“I was his personal assistant. His manager pulled me out of a stack of a hundred resumes of people clawing to get to work in Hollywood.” That much of what Dieter had said earlier was true. “It was crazy hard work, but I built my life around him. It kind of snuck up on me that I’d fallen in love with him in the process.”

“It’s good though. Dieter’s always been…easy to care about when you peel through the layers of bullshit.” Joel knows exactly the trauma that had forged the actor's egocentric ways and he doesn’t blame him. Never did.

“He’s genuine. Which people don’t expect.” It’s nice to be able to talk to someone who knows the real Dieter from years ago. The unvarnished, unmasked version of him that is adoring and loyal and full of life. Hollywood had made him jaded and paranoid. Well, the drugs didn’t help that last part. “He’ll always tell you the truth to your face, and it can come across badly if you’re expecting him to schmooze and be a fake nice guy like a lot of other actors.”

“No, I can’t imagine that would go over well.” Joel snorts, although he was pretty much the same way. “It seems like you complement each other very well.”

“I soften his rough edges and he makes me more bold.” The two of you have developed a whole world all your own at this point, as you’re sure a lot of people around the world have. You can’t be the only ones who are isolated like this. “I'm glad to finally meet you, though. He’s always spoken very fondly of you.”

“I can’t imagine why.” Joel snorts, shaking his head in amusement over what Dieter had probably told you. There were times Dieter had no filter, especially when he was around people he trusted.

“You believed in him.” It’s not like you’re going to tell Joel in front of the kid that Dieter had told you explicit details of their sex life. You’re honest, not tactless. “And you supported him. I know you were young, but having that support when you’re that age is vital.”

“What did he need support over?” Ellie scoffs, still peeling her potatoes and glancing over at you with a curious look. “There’s something you’re not saying.”

“It wasn’t easy for him, being out of the closet in Texas back then.” It’s not something Dieter has ever hidden, so you know he won’t mind if you tell Ellie. You’re just careful to tiptoe around Joel’s role in the whole thing. “He was a target for every kind of awful person. But Joel protected him.”

“What, where you guys like secretly dating or something?” You couldn’t mean gay because obviously you wouldn’t be married to Dieter if he was. So you must mean bisexual. She eyes Joel as he stands at the sink.

 Joel considers lying to her for a second, maybe two. Simply because she would be an annoying shit about asking questions. But the only regret he had about being with Dieter was that he hadn’t been open with it. Had kept it quiet. He doesn’t even look over his shoulder when he answers. “What of it?”

“You dick!” Ellie’s jaw drops and she practically rockets out of her seat to lean across the counter that she’s been sitting at. “You never told me that!” There’s no malice in it, not really, but a fair amount of surprise as she processes this puzzle piece of information.

Joel chuckles and turns to stare at her. “The fuck you expect, kid? Introduce myself and tell you how I swing?” He had damn near choked when she had found Bill’s dirty magazine. He glances over at you. “It’s not a secret, just not…common knowledge, ya know?”

“Yeah, I know.” The words are so much more solemn than you or Joel expect, and the expression in Ellie’s eyes is so much darker when she looks between you. “It just…it would’ve been easier…to be myself.” She murmurs, suddenly looking away from both of you. “If I had known, ya known? Then I wouldn’t have been all weird about the magazine or whatever. Cause fuck knows I don’t want to look at that shit.” It seems like the longest time that she pauses, gulping down fear, before she looks up again. “I’m fucking gay, Joel. We could’ve like…be honest with each other a lot earlier.”

“Shit kiddo.” Joel puts the fish down and wipes his hands on a towel as he turns and settles his hip on the sink, giving her his full attention. “You could have always been yourself around me.” He tells her gruffly. “Don’t judge cargo.” He sends her a small smirk, remembering the conversation in the truck later on that day. Although his feelings for the girl had changed since then. “I understand though. Dieter got his ass beat for liking boys and girls and I fucking hated it. Kicked their asses every fucking time I could. You can’t help who you love.”

“You wouldn’t have been the first asshole to drop a kid on the side of the road somewhere for being queer.” She contends, even though the water in her eyes has softened her expression measurably.

“All the shit I’ve done…” Joel shakes his head. “Never would have done that.” He promises, reaching out to ruffle her hair before he remembers they are still fishy and stops himself. “Any other questions?”

“Are you mad that I threw that dirty magazine out the window before you got to look at it?” Ellie asks, mischievous mood restored and eyebrows waggling.

Joel frowns at her. “Asshole,” he huffs, reaching out with his fishy hand on purpose this time to make Ellie shriek and duck away. “No, they weren’t my type.” He grunts. “Dieter is.”

“Dieter is what?” As if on cue, the man re-emerges in the doorway with a bucket full of split wood and looks around curiously at the mention of his name.

“Of course he comes when he hears his name.” Joel snorts, smirking at the man in question. “My type.” He clarifies, nodding towards Ellie. “She asked if we dated in high school.”

“I wondered if she would figure it out. Smart kid.” The grin that Dieter shoots her is almost proud. “Yeah. He, uh…he was my first relationship.”

“And you were��okay…with being a secret?” There’s no judgment in her tone, just raw curiosity. Being able to talk about this feels amazing, especially with adults and not the assholes she had gone to school with. She gets it, kids are dicks no matter when it is.

“We fought about it sometimes.” It’s a lot for Dieter to admit, especially to the kid, but he likes her. He likes her and she’s a straight shooter. Sassy like he wishes he had been brave enough to be at her age. “But it wasn’t about shame. It was about survival.”

"That's one of my regrets." Joel admits, looking down at his hands and sighing slightly. "That I wasn't more assertive. But we thought I would be kicked off the team and then I couldn't protect Dieter like I had been. But I should have just not given a fuck."

“You would have ended up disowned, too.” Dieter points out, shaking his head as he loads firewood into the stove. When Ellie makes a noise of confusion, he shrugs. “My old man didn’t want a fa—a queer kid — staining the family name. The second I graduated high school I was on my own.”

"At least you could stay with us over the summer until college started." It had been the last summer that Joel and Dieter had together. He had taken his scholarship to USC and he hadn't come back for a long time. Until Joel had been with Amber. "And your old man was nothing but a drunk asshole. Fuck him."

“My point is that if you had come out, we both would have been out on our asses.” He rolls his eyes at Joel as though it were obvious. “And you would have hated LA. So don’t say you would’ve just come with me and been okay.”

Joel feels the guilt of the other secret that he had kept. "Yeah, I know...." He swallows and shrugs his shoulders. "I wouldn't have had - uh, her and I can't imagine that." He hadn't ever told Ellie about Sarah and he would prefer not to.

“It’s okay.” Dieter shakes his head and stands up. Brushing his hands off is just a motion to take up space before he drags the bin of wood a few feet away. “We don’t need to get into it. Just…” he sighs and looks to Ellie. “Nobody here is straight, kid. So don’t worry about it.”

"Amber knew." Joel blurts out, unsure of why he is getting into it more when Dieter just gave him an out. "I told her...before we saw you, that last time." He takes a breath. "She didn't take it well."

“Jesus.” Dieter’s face draws long, staring at Joel when his head whips around. “She—she acted like she had barely ever heard of me.” It had actually fucked him up pretty badly for a little while. Thinking that he had meant so little to Joel that he hadn't even told his wife that they were friends? It had wrecked him.

"No." Joel shakes his head. "She— she couldn't handle the fact that I had been with you – that I was bisexual. It was 'immoral' according to her." He scowls. "After...six months after I saw you last, she just packed up and was ready to leave by the time I got home from work. Told me she couldn't be with me anymore...and left us."

“Holy shit.” For a second it’s not quite clear who’s spoken, but you reach out slowly to put your hand on Ellie’s shoulder. “C’mon,” you murmur quietly, nodding toward the door. Joel and Dieter clearly need some privacy.

“I didn’t – I’m sorry that I—” He doesn’t know what he’s sorry for. He doesn’t regret his relationship with Dieter. He loved him, despite never saying the words out loud. “I would have never been with her to begin with if I had known she was like that.” You and the girl are out of the room. “She left me to raise Sarah on my own.”

“What are you sorry for?” Dieter sputters, immediately moving to Joel like a magnet. His instinct is to hold him. To offer comfort. But he’s not sure if it’s wanted. “The fucking fact of me ruined your marriage…I’m sorry.”

“Fuck her.” Joel hisses, shaking his head. “She couldn’t accept me for who I was, accept the first person I loved. I— no, you have nothing to be sorry for.”

“What did you just say?” Jaw slackened and eyes wide, Dieter stares. Those were not the words he expected to hear out of Joel’s mouth.

“What?” Joel frowns. “Fuck her? You know I don’t put up with small minded bigots. No matter who they are.”

“No, not that.” Dieter flails out of pure confusion. “You just — you said you loved me.”

“Of fucking course I loved you.” Joel growls, looking at Dieter in surprise. “You knew how I felt…didn’t you?”

“I…” He had thought so. Hoped so. But never knew absolutely or for sure. Over the years he had alternately convinced himself that Joel had felt the same or that he had completely exaggerated the way his first boyfriend felt about him. It all depended on how he was feeling about his other relationships at the time. “I was never sure.” He admits finally, feeling his shoulders sag under the weight of actually hearing the words. “You never said.”

This time it’s Joel that moves, reaching out and grabbing Dieter by the back of the neck and hauling him close to kiss him. Similar to the same way he had first kissed him in the boy’s bathroom so many years ago. Except this time, he doesn’t pull away almost immediately. Instead, he groans against his lips.

There’s something so volatile in the moment that Dieter doesn’t move at first. He’s frozen with the fear that if he so much as thinks the wrong thought that it will all disappear. It’s amazing that the spark between them doesn’t seem to have faded - or at least the attraction is very obviously still there. But that the emotion remains? That much feels like a miracle. Or maybe, like he debated so much years ago, maybe the love he still feels is entirely one sided.

Joel pulls away and shuffles slightly, aware that there was no response from Dieter despite the kiss they had shared earlier. “You never forget your first love.” He adds awkwardly. “At least I don’t.”

“I forget a lot of shit.” Dieter half-chuckles at himself, huffing a little as he presses into Joel’s space again. “But not the important things. And never you.”

“I—I should have said it.” Joel admits quietly. “Shoulda told you.” All of his regret centers around Dieter and Sarah but he could try to set things right with one of them.

“Better late than never.” Having Joel back within his grasp for even just a little while means more to Dieter than he could possibly express, and he pulls the man close now to rest his forehead against Joel’s shoulder with a sigh. “Still means more than you know.”

Joel nods, wrapping his arm around Dieter for a moment before he pulls back. “It’s good to see you.” He huffs.

“You do have a soft spot.” Dieter laughs, leaning into the warmth of Joel’s arms. “Dredging up all this old shit and letting the kid know who you were? And you still missed me.” He won’t claim that it doesn’t make him happy, or feed that part of him that still struggles with self doubt even though it’s been twenty years since the public eye stopped caring about celebrities for very good reason. The only person’s opinion he’s ever held as high as Joel’s is yours.

“Yeah, shut up.” He grumbles, even though he shoots Dieter a grin. “Get the damn fire started so we can eat sometime in the next few days.”

“You misssed me.” Dieter singsongs, smacking a kiss on Joel’s cheek before pulling away. It’s better that the moment breaks now. That he doesn’t keep pushing. That he doesn’t force Joel to push him away. Because that would hurt far, far worse than years of wondering had.

“Surprised you survived.” Joel admits, slightly choked up about finding out that his fears had been unfounded. Happy that the bright star of his childhood still shone.

Dieter shakes his head and laughs, knowing that Joel has every reason to be surprised. “Wouldn’t have without her.” He can admit to that easily. You have been keeping him afloat since the day you met. “She’s…honestly, the only person I ever loved as much as you.”

“I’m glad you found her.” Of that Joel can be completely sure of. Dieter always had a startling lack of self-preservation when it came to life skills. “Of course you would live in a hotel at the end of the world.” He had always dreamed of living in a hotel and traveling the world when they were younger.

“She thought that…that if we went to a QZ, that FEDRA would make me a figurehead.” It wasn’t too far off, really. It had happened to other people in the public eye and there was no reason they couldn’t have done it to Dieter as well. “Fuck the government in the first place, but trying to make me a pawn? We were better off here.”

“Yeah, here is better.” He won’t disagree with that, FEDRAs ironclad fist had chaffed even though Joel had done what he wanted for the most part. “It’s good you stayed here.”

“It’s getting harder.” The stove is stubborn but he gets it lit and stands back again. “Fewer fish, less rain, bad crop seasons. The earth is healing but at the same time it’s not.” He snorts. “I feel like I’m prepping for a production of The Crucible.”

Joel chuckles, but he knows that resources are getting harder to find. “I’m going to Wyoming. It’s where I last heard from Tommy.” He offers.

 “Yeah.” Dieter’s head bobs in response. “And to drop off the girl, right?” As if Joel could let her go on her own. Dieter knows him better than that.

 “Yeah— she’s important to the Fireflies. They have some lab and can make a cure.” Joel doesn’t know anything about the science, but it would be nice for the fucking world to be able to be rebuilt.

“Well…I hope it all goes well.” It will be a good thing for the world, if it works. But Dieter’s life won’t really change that much. Isolation has kept the two of you reasonably safe even if it is difficult.

“Have you ever thought of what you’ll do when supplies get low?” Joel asks quietly, wondering if you’ve come up with some plan.

“We always assumed there would be a day when we would have to move on.” Dieter isn’t completely useless in the kitchen and he picks up peeling the last potato that Ellie had left on the cutting board. “At this point I was starting to wonder if things would hold out until one of us was too old or sick to travel, but it’s not looking that way.”

“The road is dangerous.” Joel admits, going back to cleaning the fish. “And there is safety in numbers.” He hedges on offering them a place, feeling you might not be ready to leave the sanctuary of your home. “More eyes to watch for danger.”

“Or more people to be loud and attract attention.” Dieter shrugs, knowing he isn’t exactly the world’s most subtle or graceful human being. “People like you and her…you’re survivors. Hell, I bet even the kid could kick my ass if push came to shove.” When he shrugs again he’s looking down, mouth shut and lip bitten as if that’s the key to keeping it that way. To keeping in the thought that hurts too much to say.

“Doesn’t mean you’re weak.” Joel reasons. “Never have been. You’ve always been stronger than me.”

“Not up here.” Tapping his head for effect makes Dieter shrug again. A helpless motion if ever there was one. “Clever is what keeps people alive these days. Clever and quick. Like you, and her, and the kid.”

One of Dieter’s faults was that never truly believed he was good enough. All of his formative years being treated like shit and then worse when his father discovered his sexuality had done a number on his self-esteem. “You’re clever enough to align yourself with people who care about you. Who will do anything to ensure you survive.” He offers instead of arguing a point Dieter wouldn’t believe. “And I bet you’d do anything to protect your wife.”

“I’d die for her.” There is no question of hesitation in that for him. Just like there is no question that he would still die for Joel.

“It takes bravery, cleverness to understand that, even more so to mean it.” Joel tells him. “Stop selling yourself short, Black.”

“If you ever write an inspirational monologue, I’ll be sure to read it over the radio for you.” He huffs, unwilling to take the compliment. “But you’ll have to find a radio first. We don’t have one. Fuckin’ things fry your brain.”

Joel chuckles and rolls his eyes. “Better than the fungus.” He banters, finishing up the fish and washing his hands in a small bowl of water. “Do you have salt?”

“Cupboard behind you.” Some things were still in abundance, thankfully. The hotel had had recent food delivery when the Outbreak hit, and whole pallets of spices had been stocked in the kitchen.

Joel hums as he looks through the spices available. “Mind if I use a few of these?” He asks, looking over his shoulder. When Dieter shakes his head, Joel picks out a few that he’s sure will make the fish taste incredible and brings them over to the table. “You remember the shit we used to cook?” He chuckles, shaking his head.

“Calling it cooking is generous. I’m surprised Tommy survived some of the shit we made.” When Joel’s parents would be gone and Dieter would stay over, there was often no cash for pizza or fast food, but a fridge full of ingredients that required cooking. Cooking that they had not been very good at.

“At least it means that we can stomach the shit we have to eat now.” Joel laughs. “Although heartburn is a bitch now.”

“Right?” It’s a son of a bitch and Dieter groans. “Not like we’re eating pizza or lasagna or anything like that, though. I hate to think it could be worse.”

“Not without antacids.” Joel huffs. “We’re getting fuckin’ old.” He wouldn’t ever say it like that around the kid, but he’s feeling his age. “I’m 56 fuckin’ years old.”

“It stopped mattering twenty years ago.” The peeled potatoes need to be diced and Dieter hunts down a knife to keep working. “The fact that we’re still alive is either a miracle or a punishment.”

“Probably a little of both.” Joel carefully seasons the fish and sighs. “Although I can’t believe that you are fucking sober 20 years.”

“It’s not like I’m not trying.” Dieter scoffs. “You do remember the words bathtub moonshine, don’t you?”

“I meant drugs.” Joel snorts. “Ironic since I was a supplier in the QZ.”

“Other people still have drugs?!” The look on Dieter’s face is absolutely scandalized, like it’s his birthday and someone just told him he could never have presents ever again. “It’s been twenty years! Are you telling me the drug trade survived and I’ve been out here using my imagination like a chump?”

“Traded Hydros for ration cards with the FEDRA guards.” Joel can’t help but smirk at the horror on his former lover’s face. It was very cute. Every time he got a supply in, he had thought about Dieter.

“Real stuff?” He asks and crumples onto a stool when Joel nods yes. “What a waste. I would’ve given you ration cards and a blow job.”

Fuck. Joel’s eyes widen slightly and his cock twitches in his jeans. He doubts Dieter had lost any talent in that smart mouth of his, although he knows he’s rusty in the dick sucking department. “Shit.” He groans. “You would have gotten them for free.”

That just makes his former lover smirk and throw him a wink across the counter. “And you still would’ve gotten your dick sucked.”

“Who’s to say I didn’t get my dick sucked anyway?” Joel teases. Dieter hasn’t been celibate; he’s been married so it’s not like he hasn’t gotten his fair share of sex.

“I’m sure you have.” After all, he had been honest when he said the silver fox look worked for Joel. He was always handsome, and clearly aging didn’t hurt his looks at all. “It would be a damn shame if you didn’t. I’m just saying I would have been the one doing it.”

“You could never resist.” He couldn’t remember how many times he woke up with his dick in Dieter’s mouth when he spent the night. Not that he minded.

Dieter shrugs unapologetically. “It’s a good dick.”

______ Master Tags: @pixiedurango @chattychell @winter-fox-queen @lady-himbo @artsymaddie @princess76179 @paintballkid711 @missminkylove @pedrosbrat @ew-erin @sarahjkl82-blog @sharkbait77 @justanotherblonde23 @lv7867 @recklesswit @mylittlesenaar @f0rever15elf @gallowsjoker @steeevienicks @athalien @sherala007 @skvatnavle @thatpinkshirt @jaime1110 @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @goodgriefitsawildworld @greeneyedblondie44 @katheriner1999 @littlemousedroid @harriedandharassed @churchill356 @ajathegreats-blog @hardc0rehaylz @beardsanddetectives @kirsteng42 @ladykatakuri @adancedivasmom @madiebear @tanzthompson @emilianamason @bigsdinger @xocalliexo @pedr0swh0r3 @avaleineandafryingpan @charlyrmv @avidreader73 @iceclaw101

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[darklydeliciousdesires]

The Dream - Chapter Four.

You guys! Thank you so much for all of your engagement on this! It especially means a lot to me since us content creators are suffering a distinct lack of visibility at present. Next update day is Thursday, you know what to do in order to make that happen, and on with the show we go :)

Previous chapters - Prologue  One  Two  Three

Tag list - In the comments, please DM to be added/removed (note: those not engaging will be automatically removed from the tag list, FYI)

Words - 3,327

Warnings - 18+ content throughout, minors DNI!

“It was weird last night.”

Frankie and Jaime had wondered whether they’d be consulted about yet another dream as they sat enjoying a few drinks at their local. Not that either was tired of hearing about them, they found it quite fascinating, but Frankie especially noticed how it was starting to wear on her friend a little bit.  

“Oh?” Jaime asked, swirling her gin and elderflower around in the large glass with a stirrer, the ice cubes tinkling. “How so?”

“Well,” she began, lifting her beer to her lips and taking a swig, missing her mouth a little and ending up with a foamy splash on her jeans. “God damnit!”

“Calamity Joe strikes again!” Frankie announced with mirth. If her bestie had a penchant for anything, it was spilling. Or making a mess with condiments. Or just general bad luck where being the agent of calamites was concerned.  

“I could murder Aaron for making that name a thing,” Keri huffed lightly, dabbing her jeans with a tissue. “Anyway, back to my dream. It was all pretty standard to begin with. We met and hugged each other as usual and kissed too. Then, though, and this is the real fucking ‘WTF?’ of it, he asked why I was invading every dream he was having!”

The girls' heads swivelled to look at one another with wide eyes, staring back at their friend, Frankie circling her hand in indication that she should continue, and quickly. “And?”  

“I told him that no, it was him appearing in my dreams, and I was the one who was real, not him. Then, this black wall came up and divided the room between us, and I shouted if he could still hear me, but nothing. I turned around, and there’s this old, blind woman sitting in the corner, and she calls me over and asks me if I sought answers, which of course I told her that I did. She then started writing something on a piece of paper, which turned out to be the words, and I quote, ‘find him in the lounge.’ Then she clapped her hands in front of my face, and I woke up. It was weird, to see another person in the dream apart from him.”

“She wasn’t a person, you weren’t visited by some mystic old lady,” Jaime stated. “The old woman was a representation over you being blind in all of this, not being able to see why you’re dreaming of him.” Her insight there was eye opening, Keri cocking her head curiously. Frankie, however...

“I’m sorry,” she snorted, immediately falling into hissed laughter. “Just imagine it if you’d gone downstairs, and there he is like ‘sup, baby? Here I am, literal man of your dreams!’ Oh god!” Keri might’ve not been so entertained, if Frankie’s put-on guy voice hadn’t been quite so comical, or if she hadn’t summed up what she’d so sillily wondered for a very fleeting second upon waking. “I’m sorry, I love you, I just...”  

“It’s a damned good job I love you too, you and your bro voice!” She paused to join in with the laughter, Jaime as well, although she scolded Frankie softly, slapping her thigh. “So, thoughts?”

“I don’t have a clue, beets, I’m sorry,” she began, composing her laughter.

Jaime turned to her, her face light with mild incredulity. “Erm, are you overlooking the main take from this dream, babe?” She waited to see if her girlfriend would cotton on, Frankie reaching for her beer, raising her eyebrows expectantly as she took a swig, licking foam from her lip. “They both think the other is invading their dreams, which spells one thing loud and clear. You’re sharing dreams with someone else! This guy, he’s a real person.”

“Oh no, that can’t be true!” Keri was quick to dismiss, waving her hand before picking up her beer, taking a couple of sips. ��I mean... no! That’s just too spooky for comfort. He’s just a guy in my dream, that’s it. It’s making my head hurt, trying to discover if there’s a deeper meaning there.”  

Her friends happily let her move the conversation on, sensing that she needed it, their talk quickly revolving around Frankie’s grandparents, and their upcoming fiftieth wedding anniversary celebration, and the fact that for the first time in three years, Frankie would be seeing her estranged parents again.

After finding out their only daughter was a lesbian, they had completely turned their back on her, kicking her out of the house in disgust and refusing to pay her college fees until she got over what they considered to be a phase. Gay conversion therapy through their church was even discussed, Frankie opposing the idea greatly, pleading with them to listen to her that it wasn’t a big deal. She simply didn’t desire men, and never had.  

Toby and Henrietta Scarvo were both born again Christians, and through their new church’s teachings, frowned upon homosexuality, something that had disgusted Toby's very liberal leaning parents greatly. They were only just about on speaking terms again after the huge rift that had pulled the family apart three years previously, when Frankie had finally been brave enough to come out to her family.  

She had been so fortunate to have her grandparents stand firmly in her corner, both professing not to give a damn about which gender she preferred to date, as long as she was happy, also stumping up the money for her to continue at college and also contribute a little towards her half of the bills and rent at the apartment she shared with Jaime, whom they absolutely adored. Kathy and Homer Scarvo were truly, truly lovely people.  

“So, I went shopping with gramps and we bought matching suits to wear!” Frankie spoke, who had been intent on wearing a dress, until her grampie Homer had spotted the suits and suggested they should twin on their outfits. As much as Frankie did love a nice dress, she could never resist a nicely tailored suit.  

“Oh, that’s so cute!” Keri gushed, clasping her hands together as she beamed, imagining it.  

“I told him I’m still wearing heels, though, I gotta make it a little bit girly. We’re doing rainbow pocket squares, too!” In tribute to their beloved granddaughter, along with old glory on the Scarvo’s front lawn, a Pride flag flew. Her grandmother even proudly enjoyed wearing a hoodie with the slogan ‘My granddaughter digs chicks. Deal with it’ emblazoned across the front. “Oh man, look at all those bikes, wow!”

Turning her head, Keri looked up at the TV, where Frankie’s interest had been pulled to some special news report about outlaws, a bunch of them rolling into Vegas, it looked like, a line of motorcycles parked up outside of a casino on the strip, the shiny paintwork glinting in the bright sunlight.  

“We don’t really get those guys around here,” she commented, continuing to view the footage and listen to the statistics over crime and gun violence the men featured were allegedly responsible for. “I think I remember seeing some Hell’s Angels roll through once or twice.”

“Yeah, and then there’s the Sons of Anarchy up in Salt Lake City, but those guys aren’t them.” Frankie narrowed her eyes, looking at the kutte one of them was wearing. “Mayans MC. Hmm, never heard of those dudes before.”

The camera panned out along the long line of bikes again, the next image a close up of one of the men, who noticed he was being filmed, lifting his sunglasses with a look of defiance, raising his middle finger to the camera. It was when his face was revealed properly that Keri almost fainted.  

Find him in the lounge.  

“Oh Jesus Christ.” Her heart almost stopped beating. “It’s him!”  

“What?” Frankie spoke, picking up a handful of spicy peanuts from the bowl before her and throwing them into her mouth. “Who’s him?”

“The, the guy in my dream, he was just on the screen! He was the one who flipped the camera off, it’s him!” Her lungs tightened, her stomach turning over as she shot out of her seat, feeling her guts churn. Frankie was off the couch and racing after her in an instant, finding Keri outside the bar, throwing up into the ferns that lined the side of the path.  

“Hey, hey, I got you, it’s alright,” she soothed, gathering her hair away from her face, rubbing her back.  

“It isn’t alright, though! I mean, what the fuck?” she cried, heaving again, more of her lunch coming up.  

“Shhh, breathe, take your time,” she advised, her hand still circling her upper back soothingly. “Are you definitely sure it was him?”  

She took a breath, straightening, trying to calm herself down. Inside, she was utterly tumultuous. “Yes, yes it was him. I mean, I think it was, I...” Her entire body shook, her heart racing. “Why is this happening to me? How can it be happening, this is insane! Fucking insane! I feel like I’m going crazy, and I’m questioning myself now. Was it him, or did I just see someone who looked vaguely like him, and my brain is so adamant to find an answer that it made me believe that it was?”

“Okay, well we can discover that pretty easily. Give it a few hours and the news report will be uploaded to the CNN site, so we can look later on, pause it, and you’ll have more than a few fleeting seconds to study his face.” With that, they formed a plan, Frankie leading her back inside and taking her to the restroom so she could get herself straightened up, rinsing her mouth and cleaning off a few flecks of vomit from her jeans, going back out and ordering a shot of tequila. It likely wasn’t the best thing to pour into an empty stomach, but she needed something to steady her nerves.

The plan was to continue with their day before grabbing a takeout and then heading back to Frankie and Jaime’s place, all sitting down to eat while Frankie continued to refresh the CNN page on her laptop, waiting for the report to be uploaded.  

“Alright, here we go.” Those words made Keri regret eating quite so much of her food prior to viewing, Jaime making her laugh softly after vanishing into the kitchen, returning with a mop bucket.  

“Just in case.” She put it down at her side, Keri lifting the laptop from the table and resting it to her legs, pressing play, beginning to search through the video until she got to the part she recognised. As soon as he appeared, she pressed pause. Her friends waited expectantly.

“Yep,” she confirmed, letting it play again, waiting until he removed his shades and then pausing again. “It’s definitely him.”

“Oh, this is crazy,” Frankie spoke, releasing a long breath she’d been holding, combing her fingers through her hair. “I mean, how, how can this truly be real? Any ideas?” Turning to her girlfriend, she watched Jaime take the laptop from a freaked-out Keri, closing the browser and shutting it.  

“Destiny? Perhaps you’re meant to meet him?” she spoke, Keri’s eyes widening. She still couldn’t get her head around it, her brain not really knowing how to co-operate with this new information she’d learned, let alone begin to process it. Her friends saw it clearly, deciding that the best thing they could do was at least try to take her mind off it. Movies were watched, alcohol was poured, and cuddles were given, Keri eventually falling asleep, only to be roused by Frankie picking her up so Jaime could sort her a bed for the night upon the pull-out couch.

After bundling her in blankets and the spare comforter, they went to bed, hoping that maybe if she dreamed of him that night, she might be able to put her lucid dreaming techniques to good use and perhaps get some answers. As it turned out, she did.

The meadow she found herself in was vast, rolling hills stretching the horizon, the sky a vibrant shade of blue. “I want this dream to last, I want this dream to last. I do not want to wake up, I do not want to wake up. I want to ask him questions, I want to ask him questions.” She repeated those desires like a mantra, beginning to walk, turning as she did, birds chirping in her ears, the sun warm on her skin. One last turn back to where she’d first arrived and suddenly, there he was.

“Hey you.” He bit his lip, dropping his head for a moment before turning away, running his hands through his hair. “I've been too scared to fall asleep, the last dream I had with you in it freaked me the fuck out. You're real, aren't you Keri?” Moving to her, he rested his hands on her shoulders, watching her nod.

“I am, yeah. And so are you, aren’t you?” He nodded. “I saw you on the TV, and I threw up.” Instantly, she kicked herself.  

“I’ve had women react worse.” Immediately, she laughed. “I found your Instagram. When that wall went up between us in the last dream, this old woman appeared in the corner, and she wrote your Insta profile name down on a piece of paper. Well, I didn’t know what it was when she did it, but I Googled it and yep, there you were.”

She grasped his open shirt, tugging at the black fabric, her head resting against his chest. “This is insane, literally insane,” she began, the dream so vividly real, she could even feel the ribbed material of the black vest he wore beneath his shirt, the metal of the pendant around his neck cool against her skin.  

“I saw the same thing, an old woman who wrote something for me, too. She wrote the words find him in the lounge, and then I did. The Lounge is the name of my local bar, and that’s where I was when this news report about outlaw biker clubs came on, and I saw you lifting your middle finger at the cameraman who was filming you in Vegas.”

Angel snorted softly, shaking his head. “Shit, I wondered why that motherfucker was pointing a camera at me.”  

“Is this really real? I mean, is it? I still don’t trust it, that my mind isn’t making you up, that I’m not going crazy!” she cried, feeling something tugging at her.  

“Keri, calm down, or you’ll wake yourself up,” he advised, holding onto her as she began to slip away from him. “Shit, don’t go!” That was the last she heard before she awoke, growling with frustration.  

Opening his eyes, Angel sighed, looking over to the nightstand at his phone, picking it up. He called up Instagram, locating her profile and clicking follow, opening up a message.  

“Okay, what the fuck do I say to her? What if it's all in my head and this chick doesn't have a clue about any of it? Jesus, why me?” he thought, looking at the blank message he was about to send to her. Finally, his boldness kicked in, navigating him into tapping out a message and hitting send.

Keri had just returned from making herself a chamomile tea when she saw her phone illuminate through the darkness, setting the mug down on the coffee table as she picked it up, seeing she had an Instagram notification.  

Angel_Reyes85 started following you.  

She gulped, seeing that she also had a message request. Reaching back to the table, she stole one of Frankie’s cigarettes, lighting up and moving the ashtray to her lap, also lighting up one of the big, three wick candles on the table for a little light too before getting comfortable, clicking on his profile. It was private, so she sent him a follow back, going back into her messages and finding one from him. 

‘You aren’t going crazy.’  

It really, really, really was him. There was the confirmation, as if she truly needed it, that she and this random man whom she’d never met before in her life were appearing one each other’s dreams night after night.  

‘I really do feel like I am! This is so weird!’  

Her heart hammered when she saw ‘seen’ appear beneath the message, clicking on his profile again to find he’d accepted her follow request. She looked through a few of his pictures, mainly of a large, green Harley, the same one she’d seen him standing next to on the news report, lots of other guys from his MC. She halted her viewing when the message icon displayed again.  

‘It is! I’m still not sure if you being real makes it better or worse, you know. Have you ever heard of anything like this before, or experienced it with anyone else?’

Immediately, she began to type.

‘One of my friends is into all of this, and she told me that what’s happening isn’t inconceivable. She said that what we are having is something called a mutual dream, but that it's very rare to have them if you aren't close to the person who's in them with you. I just wish I knew why! Or why in every single dream I have, I end up kissing you! I feel embarrassed now!’  

‘You shouldn’t, you’re a good kisser.’

She made a squealing noise at that Especially when a wink emoji followed. 

‘And hella pretty. Seriously, your eyes. Woah!’

More squealing.

‘So, you mentioned vis-com on your stories. Tell me about that. I take it you’re at college?’

She calmed down, then, taking a quick puff on her cigarette before replying.

'Visual communications, basically its photography and film I'm studying. I wanna be a photographer when I finally grow up.’

‘I’d say from those amazing pictures of yours, you already are one. Seriously, those ones you took up in the mountains are awesome.’

She beamed at his compliment. Keri was very confident in her photographic abilities, but it always nice to hear praise.  

‘Thank you so much! So, what is it that you do? Is being in an MC a full-time thing? I don’t really know much about it.’

She had to wait a few seconds before Angel messaged her back, with him wondering how to word it. Obviously, since his club had appeared on the news about what the media were coining a growing epidemic of MC-related violence and crime, she knew he wasn’t exactly on the straight and narrow, but still, he wouldn’t reveal anything in confirmation to someone he didn’t know.  

‘Kinda. I work at a scrap metal yard though, owned by a couple of guys in the club. Mostly, I'm just a motorcycle enthusiast.’ From MC to MC the land over, it was the standard response.  

‘You know, I did wonder if you were a model at one point, or a metal musician, back when I first saw you in my dreams. I was trying to work out where I’d seen you before, because you felt so familiar.’

His ego went through the roof at reading that.

‘A model, huh? Hmm. Flattery will get you everywhere, mamas.’

‘Well, you are gorgeous.’

“Oh god, was that lame?” she spoke aloud, cringing a little. Her mouth broke into a smile when he sent a grinning emoji.

‘Thanks, you are, too. So... tell me more about you, then. Unless you’d rather go back to sleep. What it is, 3am there?’

‘It is, but I don’t mind talking a little longer. If I did go back to sleep, you’d probably come find me in my dreams and talk to me there anyway, right?’

‘Maybe. Or I’d just kiss you some more, not gonna lie.’

She’d gone from not knowing who he was, to discovering he was real, to flirting with him, all in the space of a day. Life was strange for Keri Watkins in that moment, but she couldn’t deny, now she knew who Angel was, she began to allow herself to enjoy it.

[freddycartr]

review for heir by sabaa tahir. spoilers obviously.

i went into this book expecting the same kind of strength that i take from helene and elias to be present in at least quil. i expected quil to be every bit of deadly violence and strength that was honed into him by helene and elias. i expected him to be as ruthless and brutal like the mask he was trained to be, but he instead runs away from four men when helene would have taken them out easily. instead he’s a love sick puppy. who is afraid of his duty…and sabaa genuinely said that he loves his people? no, honey, leaving your aunt in a ruined castle while you run and go on a journey where you act like an idiot for the entirety of the book and not the leader you were fucking born to be is fucking ridiculous. the difference between him and helene is that helene did not want the throne, and yet she is the empress who did not abandon her people, who stayed in antium, who would have never fucking run away. she even tells him, “skies, knows i’ll fight.” she does not give up even when her city fell, (again) even when her family was murdered in front of her eyes. she. fucking. does. not. give. in. like this is the woman who got caught by aiz just to kill her, “the only reason you caught me is because i let you. the woman smiled, a knifes blade shinning in the dark.” (also that bitch does not have the right to be in the same room as helene acquilla). that is the kind of metal that i was expecting for quil. but instead what i get is a fucking child who spends his time being manipulated, doesn’t kill four men, didn’t know what to do when they sail a kergari boat, can barely come up with a plan, and a love sick puppy. he allows an ankanese man to drive a blade into his own throat because quil failed to check that his ropes were properly bound—as if helene or elias would ever do something so stupid. he said he was trained like a mask, by helene and elias no less, yet, he flickers—sometimes acting like the warrior he was born and raised to be, and others acting like a chicken with its head cut off—getting caught and walking right into traps.

i expected him love him immediately but i found myself drawn to sufiyan and tas rather than helene aquilla’s fucking nephew. why? because tas ran fucking circles around everyone in that brothel and is a damn good spy. because he’s actually clever. because sufiyan is just as wicked and deadly like his father. like the way he put a dagger to sirsha’s throat after meeting her for a second, yup, definitely elias’s kid. oh my god, i love keri and how in the span of two scenes, she is more metal and strength than quil showed the entire book. i would have preferred kari’s pov to aiz (the fucking little bitch).

oh, the romance was fucking awful. sabaa tried to be something she’s not with the romance aspect. like “ugh. his voice. deep and warm and sure,” like i think i just gagged. how the hell is this the same woman who wrote “his cloak falls away from me, and my body is against his. he pulls me to his chest, his hands running down my back, clasping my thigh, drawing me closer. closer. i arch into him. revealing in his strength, his fire. the alchemy between us, twisting and burning and melding, until it feels like gold.” or “don’t tell me you’ve not seen a naked solider before, captain. a long pause, then a chuckle, low and husky. it makes me feel strange. like he’s about to tell me a secret. like i would lean in closer to hear it. not one like you, blood shrike.” oh and not to mention, where the fuck is the consent? with both of the sex scenes. just because two characters want each other does not mean they should not have verbal consent. even avitas asks for helne’s consent, “tell me why you're here." “you know why." i try to turn away, but he will not let me. “but i need you to say it. please." oh my god, the controlling/possessive aspect of their relationship fucking made me so mad. for example, “the sure way that he held her, as if she belonged to him and always had.” and “she wanted to throw him to the ground and climb on top of him and claim him the way he was claiming her.” what. the. hell. sabaa. oh, and not to mention, “tell me, sirsha, how i am supposed to know when you want me if you never touch me? assume i always want you.” (359) or “i’m more interested in the punishments for breaking them,” (358) when sirsha says they need to set ground rules for their relationship, and quil immediately is, in sirsha’s own words “in direct defiance of her orders,” breaking the boundaries that she set isn’t hot, that isn’t sexy. that is just controlling, not healthy, and horrible writing. quil doesn’t get to decide what’s best for sirsha, or their relationship, and the way that helene aquila or lia of serra, if put in the same situation, would have put a dagger to the man’s throat for daring to think that a man knows what best for them. i don’t have the words—what makes tahir’s books so beautiful is love is a subplot, not the whole damn book. her characters are driven by grief, hope, rage, and vengeance—not some love sick puppy like quil who feels lost, and fearful—like he has the same blood as helene aquila, who survived everything being stripped from her, his mother survived the violence of marcus, and he was trained by elias and, yet, he feels like a child, out of his depth and with no bite or steel. moreover, as sabaa tahir is writing a YA novel where young girls read and learn, having multiple sex scenes without verbal consent is downright unforgivable.

[skiplo-wave]

If I was you, I would keep a close eye on Ahsoka.

TAKE THIS AS A GRAIN OF SALT.

So, a certain user on this hell hole site that I like to call Fly. Because it seems like this person is a fly on the wall or knows someone that gets very good information. You might know who I am talking about when I say this person was a damn good writer and artist. Fly got ran off by antis right before TLJ. There was leaked info about TLJ this person gave that turned out to be true. It was all backed up when another user got the privilege to see TLJ early and they compared. They came back briefly under a new name in 2019 just to correct the TROS leaks and they confirmed that there was Reylo scenes in it. They was also positive there was a different ending filmed. But I guess we may never know.

Why I bring this up?

This morning in a discord, a person who is supposedly friends with Fly said there is going to be a sequel "Reylo series" announcement in 2023 that might intertwine with the Ahsoka series. According to them, we are getting a Rey series with a few of the sequel cast. Daisy, Adam, Billy, Naomi and possibly Keri. They seem to think that we will mostly see Rey and Jannah going on a adventure to get Ben back. If this is true, what worries me is they are pretty sure Mark, Billie, Kelly and John are not going to be in it but Rose and Finn will guaranteed to be mentioned. I don't mind having a full on Reylo series and getting to know Jannah more. I think it's a pity they didn't introduce her sooner. But story wise, I mean if they are going to correct what they did in the sequel, they need to give the other characters justice too. Especially Rose and Finn.

They didn't mention Oscar at all.

Meh

I don't have interest in star wars anymore so don't care about he say she said speculations. I highly doubt any of cast want to return back sw projects

[perytonpred]

IT GETS WORSE

GIRL YOUVE BEEN DOING THAT THIS ENTIRE TIME

"ooh, I'm so traumatized! I'm so helpless and I'm going to demonize and scream about this person who's actually trying to be better and I'm going to slander her in front of THOUSANDS of people, teehee she traumatized me more than the literal RAPE AND PHYSICAL ABUSE I FACED"

Obviously trauma weighs differently, but you keep making this about f/os. You keep making this about everything regarding starscream.

Admit you are a jealous little bitch and go outside. Touch grass you absolute fuckhead.

Im. So fucking mad right now. I'm so pissed off you can't even believe. She makes these posts every day, and after I stop looking for my own health, I learn this shit happened.

I don't think I can wish her any good anymore. Not after this. She's a god damn child.

Fuck Keri. Absolutely fuck her.

I mean it, if you support her, get the fuck out of here. I do not want you here.

I'm going to fucking vomit

If you talk to Frecklydork. If you support her PERIOD after this

GET OUT OF HERE.

GO AWAY. YOURE GROSS

[hcmera]

Mischief Managed

[lady-divine-writes]

Our Flag Means Death - “Doing Something He Loves” (Rated M)

Summary: When Ed tells Izzy that he will take care of dispatching Stede while doing something he loves, he doesn't take into account all of the possible meanings of that phrase. (2740 words)

Notes: Takes place during S1 E6 The Art of F**kery

Read on AO3.

“Stede! Stede, wait up! I need to talk to you!”

Stede hears Edward following him to his quarters, closing in behind him, but he doesn't stop until he reaches the bank of windows at the far end. There he stands, arms crossed, peering out at the horizon like a maudlin widow, mourning her husband lost to the sea. 

"I know you don’t think I’m up for this," he says, confident that Edward has stopped behind him. "But even Izzy says I’m capable! That has to count for something!"

Edward opens his mouth to object but decides last minute not to burst his bubble. “I do think you're capable. Don’t get the wrong idea.”

"Wrong idea?" Stede lets out a drawn-out, dramatic sigh. He turns, brushing past Ed, and retreats to his library. He rifles through his books, searching for a few odd horror stories to help summon his muse. "You literally said it's too advanced for me! I will have you know that I am a better thespian than you give me credit for!"

Edward's brow scrunches. "Thespi-who now?"

"Give me a chance!"

"This isn't about chances."

"What is it about then?"

"Not dying!"

Stede gasps, clutching a red, leather-bound tome to his chest, utterly mortified. Edward thinks he may finally have gotten it. He understands the root of the issue. If this doesn't go off without a hitch, they're all going to die.

Stede especially.

But, sadly, no. Stede doesn't catch on. He hugs his book as if it's his only friend. "You have no faith in me at all, do you?" 

"I have all the faith in the world in you, Stede!"

"Then let me show you how much..."

"Gagh!" Edward throws up his hands in frustration, but Stede rails on. If Stede only knew what Izzy had planned for him, he'd shut his yap and heed what Edward had to say. But Stede won't let Ed get a word in edgewise. And Edward doesn't know how to make him listen. 

He could overpower and hogtie him. With a gag in his mouth, Stede would be forced to shut up for five seconds.

Or perhaps not. 

Stede is too damned stubborn to submit. He'd probably chew through the gag before Edward got a complete sentence out. 

Along that vein, Edward comes up with a better idea.

He rushes forward and, mid-rant, kisses him.

Edward needs to make Stede hear him. That's his aim. But he also can’t bear listening to him, can't bear his excitement, especially when he has no idea what’s about to happen.

Or that Ed will be the one to do it.

And it works. Stede yelps, but otherwise, he goes silent. 

Edward wraps his arms around him, and Stede stiffens in surprise. When he doesn't kiss Edward back, Edward pulls away.

Stede blinks his eyes open slowly. “Wha---what was that for?”

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now," Edward admits, words barely a whisper, forcing Stede to pay attention. "In case, you know, things don’t turn out right tonight. I want to have done it at least once.”

"There it is again." Stede deflates, but he doesn't move too far from Edward's arms. He can't make himself, even if he thinks a little distance could be a good thing for his muddied brain.

Edward raises a hand to Stede's face, ratcheting up the seduction by millimeters, hoping to maintain his focus now that he seems to be listening. "I trust you to the moon and back, Stede.”

“But you said you’re afraid things won’t turn out. That means you think I’m going to get us killed.”

"No, I don't. I..." Edward sighs. It's no use. He could talk till he's blue, but they're running around in circles. He needs to change tactics. He dials down the urgency and turns up the charm. “Maybe I was looking for an excuse to kiss you. Maybe this whole situation made me realize how badly I wanted to.”

Stede has a retort at the ready, but not for that comment. “You…you could have asked.”

“You might have said no.”

“You won’t know till you try.”

"You're right." Edward steps closer, gaze fixed on Stede's mouth, his voice a ghost against Stede's cheek. “Can I kiss you?”

Stede swallows hard. This was going fast. Too fast. Is this normal? First they're arguing about whether or not Stede would get them killed, and next, Edward wants to kiss him. He should say no, let cooler heads prevail. Instead, he says, “Ye---”

Edward captures the rest of that word, along with Stede’s lips, before Stede thinks to object.

Stede feels himself floating, moving across the room an inch above the ground, ushered effortlessly towards his bed. He stumbles once, but Edward catches him without removing his lips from his mouth - a feat that makes Stede swoon. 

Edward gets Stede where he wants him: pinned against the edge of the mattress with a knee between his legs, ensuring he can't get up and walk away. He removes Stede's coat, sets it gingerly aside, then starts on the buttons to his waistcoat.

“I don’t mean to be indelicate," Edward says, shedding his own jacket, then lifting his shirt over his head, "but have you ever done this before?”

“Edward...” Stede gazes up at the man with a befuddled expression, eyes dipping to catch a glimpse of his tattooed chest, not a foot from his nose “...I have two children.”

Edward chuckles. “That’s...not what I mean.”

Stede stares at Ed in doe-eyed confusion, but Edward doesn't elaborate. Stede finally understands, and his cheeks flame.

“Ah. You mean with another…no. No, I haven’t," Stede says. "You’ll be my first.”

Those words lodge in Edward's throat. 'First and last,’ he thinks, mouth becoming so dry his tongue hurts. 

He moves his kisses away from Stede's mouth to his jawline, then down his neck. He reaches Stede's pulse, beating savagely against his lips, and his entire body, his entire being, comes to life.

“You’re trembling,” Edward points out, even though his own voice shakes.

“I can’t help it. No one has ever touched me like this before.”

Edward reaches for the hem of Stede's shirt to tug it up, but Stede puts a hand over his and stays it. Edward pulls back, brows arching over questioning eyes. 

“Why so self-conscious? We’ve changed in front of each other. We have no secrets.”

Stede's mouth drops open. “I didn’t think you were paying attention.”

Edward grins. Now, as they're undressing, comes the time for reveals - the kind that will make Stede's pale skin redder and in more places than his cheeks. “Oh, I was, mate. I saw everything.”

“Oh, God," Stede whines, but in good humor. "Kill me now.”

A nauseating stab of deja vu wallops Edward like a pistol butt to the back of the skull. ‘Be careful what you ask your God for...’

“What do you want, Stede? Tell me.”

“I want to make you happy.”

“You do make me happy. God, do you make me happy.” Edward says it, and he means it, but what good is it now? What good is any of this now? He's lying to Stede in a sense. Making promises he can't keep. He hadn't meant for things to spiral out of control like this. The kiss was spontaneous, fueled by adrenaline. It had a purpose, and that purpose was saving Stede's life. But this...this is indulgence, plain and simple.

And it's unforgivable.

Edward is a selfish bastard. 

He wants Stede. 

But he wants Stede to live. 

When Ed set out after him, it was to convince him to leave the ship. Tonight. Stow away on the Dutch merchant vessel and be gone before anyone realizes. But Stede would never leave his crew. Edward knows that. Stede is nothing if not ridiculously loyal to them.

And they're loyal back. 

If Edward slaughters Stede, they might mutiny. Then Edward would need to decide whether he takes what he deserves or if he slaughters them, too.

Edward's cowardly heart already knows the answer to that.

Things will go according to Izzy's plan. Edward doesn't have it in him to be the man Stede thinks he is - a man with the strength to stand up for Stede and his crew.

Stede will die. But Ed will have this moment in Stede's arms to hold on to when he's gone. 

Fan-fucking-tastic. 

Ed is giving himself the gift of pain, eroding pieces of his heart every time Stede crosses his mind. 

 "Stede..." Ed decides to give reason one more shot "...I have a confession to make."

Stede's eyes brighten as if he'd been thinking the same thing. "Me, too."

"You go first," Ed stalls. Stede looks so blissful trapped by his body, half-naked and flushed with longing. Ed doesn't want to take that away from him before he absolutely has to.

"Oh. Well...I don't know how." He stammers, and Edward thinks it's endearing. "I think...maybe I won't ever know how to tell you..."

"Tell me what, Stede?" Ed whispers around the bow of his upper lip, coaxing the words out of him. "Tell me what?"

"I think...over these past few weeks..."

"Yes?"

"...that I may have...fallen in love with you."

Edward's kisses still as joy washes through him - a wave rushing the sun-parched shore. Stede loves him. He loves him. Edward is not sure how or when that happened, but Stede loves him. But the wave quickly recedes, abandoning new words on the sand. Ed's words.

"It's my mess. I'll do it. Maybe while he's doing something he loves..."

Joy evaporates, and reality leaves him cold.

No! Not now. THIS ISN'T WHAT I MEANT!! 

Edward doesn't recall reaching for his dagger, nor wrapping his fingers around the handle. But he comes to his senses with the blade resting underneath Stede's neck, the word love from Stede's lips having conjured it. Stede stares at Ed, but he doesn't look afraid. He looks sad.

Betrayed.

"Edward..." 

Here it comes, Edward thinks, hating himself, hating that he'd ever been born. Stede is going to beg for his life. He’ll cry, he'll negotiate, he may even pray.

"Edward..."

Tears roll down Stede's cheeks, but bizarrely, they collect underneath Edward's chin. After a blink, Edward realizes they don't belong to Stede.

They belong to him.

His head rings with Izzy saying, "It's time, Edward...it's time...This is the only way. You can't keep him. You know that. Think of your reputation. Think of your crew. Your men depend on you...

“Close your eyes, love,” Edward whimpers.

"No," Stede says, voice thick. "You need me here with you. You need a friend.”

Edward's face pinches, grief curling him in on himself. “No!"

"Edward, please! Let me help you!"

"No. There's no helping me now! I have to do this!"

But Edward can't. In order to kill Stede, one of two things would need to be true: he would either have to hate Stede or have no regard for him at all.

And he cares about Stede. Very much so. There is literally nothing about the man that he hates.

However...Stede is an aristocrat. Like the people they met on that fancy ship. Or that captain who called him a donkey. Those people laughed at him. Mocked him. Made him feel stupid and inferior. He hated feeling like that. He'd wanted to load his gun and wipe them off the face of the earth, skin them with their damned snail forks and toss them to the sharks.

That's a hate he can tap into.

He shouldn't punish Stede for the sins of others, but if he's going to get this done, he has no other choice.

Something must change in Edward's face because Stede's eyes widen with fear. "Promise me something?"

Edward sniffs. "What?" 

"Whatever happens...t-take care of my crew."

A sob rips from Edward's throat, and tears pour down his face. They soak his skin and drench the sheets, oily and thick. He raises a hand to wipe his brow when he feels them travel toward his eyes, and his heart stops.

It's not tears.

It's blood.

Stede's blood.

Edward doesn't know how it happened. His blade hand is steadier than a mountain, always has been. He hadn't moved an inch. But Stede is bleeding out, and Edward doesn't know how to stop it.

"Stede!" He yanks Stede's cravat from around his own neck and wraps it around Stede's, trying to form a tourniquet. It's a tricky business. If he doesn't do it right, he could stop the bleeding but strangle Stede. Regardless of right or wrong, it's not working. "Stede, no! I'm sorry! This isn't the way things were supposed to turn out! I'm so sorry..."

"Edward?" Stede shifts unfocused eyes from side to side, searching even though Edward is only a few inches from him. "Edward, I..." He inhales, desperate to find breath enough to say what he needs to say, but it's not enough. His eyes roll. His head sinks into his pillow. His mouth drops open. He goes still.

"Stede?" Ed's voice doesn't sound like his own as he wails, "Stede, don't! Don't do this! I'm sorry! Stede!...STEDE!"

"Edward?" Izzy summons him from a distance. "Are you down there? Edward? It's time to go. Edward? Edward...Edward..."

"Edward?" 

A hand on his shoulder jolts him awake. His eyes shoot open. He sits up and looks frantically around, getting his bearings. "Wh-what? What's going on?"

"I think you're having a nightmare."

"Nightmare?" The thought clears Edward's head enough to give him an idea of where he is.

He's in Stede's room, on Stede's bed. 

With Stede.

A very alive, breathing, and not bleeding to death Stede.

They're both dressed, and his sheets are clean. Spotless, as a matter of fact. 

What the hell happened?

"Where am I?"

"You're in my room. On board the Revenge," Stede adds, concerned that Ed may have sustained a bump to his head during the fuckery earlier that could have messed with his memory. 

"What's going on? Wha---what happened to me?"

"I don't know." Stede puts a hand to Ed's forehead, checking for fever. Edward seemed fine before, but fevers do come on suddenly. "One minute, we were talking about the fuckery, and the next, you fell asleep. So, I left you to it. We did have a long night."

Edward holds Stede's hand to his head and doesn't let go. As long as he holds on, Stede can't go anywhere. "Yeah. I guess we did."

"Are you alright?"

"Fine. Had a nightmare, like you said. That's all."

"Was it about your father?" Stede asks cautiously. "And the Kraken?"

"Yeah," Ed lies. "It was. That's all. I'm sorry if I scared you."

"No." Stede moves the hand on Ed's forehead to his shoulder with Ed holding on. "It's okay. Would you like to get up? Go above deck for some air? Or have a bite to eat?"

"I...I don't know, to be honest."

Stede nods, gathering clues in his head, trying to come up with an answer. Ed isn't being very forthcoming, but he looks like he's been through the wringer - sweat around his hairline and mewling right before he woke, like an injured dog. "I'm going to go check in with the crew. See if they're ready. Why don't you stay here till you figure things out?"

"I just might do that."

"Good. Get some rest. You need it." 

Stede sets provisions for Ed on his bedside table before he leaves: a cup of tea, an orange sliced in half, some bread and jam. Ed watches Stede arrange them gratefully.

Grateful that Stede cares.

Grateful that he's alive.

Grateful that he didn't actually slit his throat.

It was a nightmare, and everything is all right.

For now. 

A gull cry outside brings Edward's gaze to the window. He assumes it's Karl searching for Buttons. Instead of the bird, he spots the sun creeping towards the water. It won't be long before it reaches the horizon, and they come upon that merchant vessel. Edward grabs the sheet beneath him with both hands, balls it in his fists until his knuckles turn white. 

The question remains - does he go through with the plan and kill Stede? Keep his word to Izzy? Or does he let Stede live and risk losing face with his crew? He'd better start thinking quick.

He only has a few hours left to decide.

[wellbelesbian]

Writerly Ephemera

thanks for tagging me @mostlymaudlin, sorry it took me so long to get around to this!

You find five bits of yourself that you gave to your fiction, also called: writerly ephemera.

Some of this will include WIPs, because I don’t have much posted right now.

First up, is Simon’s attachment to the titular rats in my joke fic Rats.

The beginning of the end came when Simon named his first rat.

Baz should have expected as much after the previous conversation about them, but he somehow managed to overlook Simon’s newfound interest in the rodents, so when he came into the kitchen one morning, cradling a small white female with brown spots, and declared it “Freya”, Baz was beat.

I’m sure a lot of people can relate to this, but I’m a particular fiend for it. We recently hatched out ducklings for a family friend, and I got attached and named them. Now we’re keeping them!

Secondly is Ebb’s occupation in my fic Everything I Am Not.

The Three Legged Goat is as densely packed as usual, but Ebb still spots me the minute I step foot inside the place. She gestures me over to the bar, and I squeeze my way through to be greeted with a huge smile and a whole bottle of whiskey already put aside for me.

I relate to Ebb a lot- weepy lesbian goatherd could be the title on my business card. So when I needed a character to work at a pub, like I do, she was of course my first thought! I tried to capture the vibe of the pub I work at on a busy night in this chapter.

Now onto the WIPs! I’m going to cheat a bit here, and use two snippets from the same fic here. But they’re very different, I promise.

The fic is called All She Wants, and is basically wish fulfilment of Agatha getting to have girl friends and realising she’s aromantic. The first snippet is about that aromanticism:

“No!” She exclaims. “That’s weird! Right?”

She’s met with silence. Silence, which just stretches on and on...

Agatha meets their eyes, one by one. “You’re telling me that’s normal?

Trixie coughs awkwardly.

“I mean, I assume it is for most people…” The other two nod in agreement.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

I myself am not aro, but I am ace, and this realisation was the same for me. I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea of just being sexually attracted to people, especially strangers. I didn’t realise I was the odd one out for so long, i just assumed everyone was exaggerating!

The other snippet is a bit dumber:

They’re crammed into the corner of the local Wetherspoons (Agatha touches the sticky table and can almost hear her mother’s disdainful voice, and the thought makes her press further into the itchy, worn material of the seat out of spite), tipsy on something purple and fizzy that Keris ordered two pitchers of, and honestly speaking a little too loudly than is courteous to those around them. Thankfully, it’s a Thursday afternoon, so by the time Trixie is collecting their dessert orders, the area has cleared out, and there’s nobody left to angrily shush Keris when she gets too heated on a subject.

Getting drunk and loud in a spoons on a midweek afternoon is a British rite of passage and a damned good time.

And finally, there’s my pet fic, which is currently untitled.

They are called the Erinyes, though their victims don’t call them that. Names have power- to speak of them is to invite them. And so I call them their more common name- the furies.

I don’t know why they pursue me. I was only following orders; I could hardly defy a god. My father killed thrice as many as me, and he never seemed troubled by them.

But it is not for me to speculate. I am a mere mortal, and we are slaves to the gods, whatever gods are.

It’s an Oresteia AU! that last line being directly stolen from Anne Carson’s translation.

before I read the oresteia, I was under the impression that it was the story of tortured, tragic Orestes and his friends physically on the run from the law, seeking asylum somewhere while Orestes fends off the madness inflicted on him by the furies. I was sorely disappointed to find that Orestes is just a raging misogynist with a couple bad dreams, who tries to kill his aunt and cousin when he finds he’s going to be punished for also killing his mum, then gets saved by Apollo and marries said cousin he just tried to murder with no consequences.

So for this year’s Carry On Through The Ages event, I decided to write the version I imagined, but with Simon as Orestes, Baz as Pylades, and Penny as Electra. I might also include Agatha as Hermione- I’m not sure yet.

Anyway, I adore greek mythology and studied classics as an A-Level, so this whole fic is a little piece of me and my interests, with plenty of space for me to wax poetic or infodump about Athenian laws regarding women.

This was pretty hard, but a lot of fun! I tag @bazzybelle @sharing-a-room-with-an-open-fire @nevergonnacallmedarling and @viktorkrumn

[absurdthirst]

Hello Keri!! Hope you are having a great day!

So I have never really talked about this with anyone, but your real talks are so inclusive and nice that I just want to get this stuff off of my chest for once.

So I have a boyfriend of 2 years who is an Indian, he is the best boyfriend I have ever had. He holds me, his mother and sister and all his female friend in such high esteem, is so good at cooking and always cleans up after himself, never forgets any special occasions, super motivated about his health( he was a state-level swimmer in India) and super smart(he is working in a NASA collab with India). And most importantly he respects me so much and always supports me.

The thing is my friends do not care about him at all, they haven't ever met him but just call him very very mean stuff(like very extreme Indian stereotypes that i would rather not say.) I have been with him for 2 years but in my friend eyes, it's like I am still single. I don't know why they are so prejudiced against him, my friends are always super inclusive, and the have never discriminated against any group, but when it comes to him they are all so mean. now I know that the logical thing is to just leave my friends group, but they have been with me since I was 4(i am 26 now), and I had a shit family so my friends have essentially been my family for my whole life and I just can't leave them. I have met most of my boyfriend's friends (his Indian colleges basically) and all of them are super nice and he too wishes to meet my closest friends but I don't have the heart to tell him that they are so mean to him. like I am so serious about him, that if he asks me to shift to India with him after the collab ends, I would say yes. but at the same time, I cant just make my friends understand this. sorry, this was so damn long I just ranted so much but I wanted to tell this to someone.

I have some very harsh comments to say to your friends. 

I’m going to be honest. It wouldn’t matter that they have been friends since you were 4 or that were like family if it were me. Toxic is toxic and that shit reeks of it. I’ve wrote my grandmother off (before she passed) because she was a disgusting woman and I wanted her no where near my children. 

But I do understand that it is hard and confusing given you statements that they are normally not like this. 

You have two choices:

Tell them to stop talking about him that way or you will have to no longer associate with them. And you have to mean it. 

Or you break up with him. And I’m going to be honest, it doesn't sound like that is the best option because what if they do this with the next guy you find? What if it’s just how they are going to treat anyone who makes you happy? 

I am so sorry you are in this boat honey. It sounds like it’s very difficult for you and I wish there was some way for me to reach through the screen and slap some manners into your friends. And you boyfriend sounds wonderful. 

[darklydeliciousdesires]

The Dream - Chapter Twenty Four.

Huge thanks to everyone for your engagement :) We’re not far from the ending now, just four more chapters and an epilogue to go. Thanks so much for sticking with me!

Previous chapters - Prologue  One  Two  Three  Four  Five  Six  Seven  Eight  Nine  Ten  Eleven  Twelve  Thirteen  Fourteen  Fifteen  Sixteen  Seventeen  Eighteen  Nineteen  Twenty Twenty One  Twenty Two  Twenty Three

Tag list - In the comments, please DM to be added/removed (note: those not engaging will be automatically removed from the tag list, FYI)

Words - 3,007 

Warnings - 18+ content throughout, minors DNI!

“It’s getting bigger,” Keri spoke, looking up at the black obelisk. “Strange, since you’re coping well with me being away. Well, you’re telling me you are. I guess I can’t one hundred percent know for sure.”

Angel took her hand in his, turning away from the huge, black structure that still occupied their mutual dreams. “You can know for sure, cuz’ I’m fine with it. I miss the fuck out of you and it’s only been six weeks, but I’m good.”

Turning to him, she held a little space between her thumb and forefinger. “Just this much?”

It was their thing, and he loved it. “Yeah, just that much.” Folding his arms around her, he walked her away from the obelisk, going over to a door by the rotting old staircase and opening it up, both of them stepping out with a slight pull to their middle, feeling the dream change, their surroundings changing to that of the wildflower meadow they’d met in so many times before in their sleep. “So, tell me more about Australia that you haven’t when we’ve talked on FaceTime.”

“You would lose your damned shit at the spiders here, baby!” she snorted, remembering the one she’d seen in the bar she and the band had visited during a night off, a huge creature that had ran out from behind a picture frame on the wall. Angel would have been out of there in three seconds.

He rumbled quietly with laughter. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that, and all the fuckin’ snakes and shit they got out there!”  

“I haven’t seen any of those so far,” she spoke, looking out into the meadow, her feet planting them both by what they witnessed. Once again, there it was, rising up from the dirt. The obelisk. They couldn’t escape it, it seemed. “This thing again?”

“Yeah,” he sighed, pulling her in the other direction. “Maybe it means something else? Because I know it ain’t my shit. I’m dealing with it, being a goddamned adult for once.”

It had crossed her mind, that the foreboding looking structure represented something else, something yet to come that they would have to deal with. Something that didn’t vanish. And there it stayed in their dreams, too, every night, in whatever setting they were in. In fact, the only place it was ever absent was when they found themselves in the blissful surroundings of the white room.  

“You, me and a bed. Shit, I’m missing this. It ain’t easy being a horny person when your woman is halfway around the world,” he told her, kissing her neck, his hand between her legs, stroking at the sumptuous warmth of her arousal.

“Yeah,” she breathed, hands running over his chest and arms. “I’m not about to turn down dream sex. No way, mister.” It was a little strange, knowing sex first hand with Angel, to now be once again enjoying it in her sleep and having to focus hard not to wake up. With how good his fingers felt rooted so deeply within her, he didn’t make that easy, Angel lifting her leg over his hip and slotting himself between hers, pushing into her fluidly, the punch of his cock deep.

Their kisses swirled with lazy heat, his arms wrapped around her, hips driving into her slowly, turning her onto her back and then sitting up, clasping her to him. She hummed softly, kissing him between little exclamations of pleasure and words of love. God, how she missed him, wishing so hard that it was real, maybe a little too much, suddenly waking up to see sunshine filling the hotel room she was in, the soft tones of Dolores, the band’s singer who she was sharing the room with filtering in from the bathroom.  

“Well, somebody was having nice dreams, so!” she chirped, her soft Irish lilt amused. Shit! Had she sleep moaned? Oh, the embarrassment!

“Erm, yeah. Dreaming of my boyfriend,” she spoke, sitting up, Dolores’s smile huge as she came back in, pulling on her long, lace kimono over her shorts and vest.  

“Ahhh, and if I had a guy as lovely looking as your fella, I’d be dreaming of him all the time, too!” she laughed, squeezing a little hair cream into her hand before rubbing her palms together and distributing it through her long, amber coloured curls. Keri truly had never seen hair so beautiful before, Dolores a very photogenic subject of her photography.  

Their day was mostly filled by travelling to the next gig venue, Keri staying out of the way as the crew set up, taking candid pics of the band before grabbing herself an ice-cold beer and going to sit outside in the sunshine, working out the time difference. It would be morning back home, and while knowing her honey appreciated sleeping in, a certain two would be up.  

“Beets! How’s it going?” Frankie cried happily, still in her pyjamas as she answered the FaceTime call. “Damn, it’s so sunny there! We got clouds and humidity. It’s making my hair fluff!”

She giggled, witnessing the halo of fuzz surrounding Frankie’s usual silky straight tresses, Jaime suddenly coming into view, chewing through a large orange segment. “Hey love! Oh, look at that tan! You look so gorgeous!”

“Hey Jaime, aww, thanks!” she waved, her heart full, but tingling a little. She missed them so, so much. Sure, it was an opportunity she couldn’t have passed up, even garnering a little work here and there through her travels through the land of perpetual sunshine, people wanting their portrait pictures taken by a professional photographer, but to have left her loved ones behind was something she wasn’t unaffected by.  

They chatted for a short time before Frankie had to hit the laptop and continue the website building practice she was undertaking, Jaime also heading out to work. It was just as she’d ended the call that Keri suddenly remembered, she’d meant to ask the latter for a little insight into the significance of continuously seeing an obelisk in her mutual dreams with Angel.  

“Well, Google is the next best thing.” Calling up the search engine app, she typed her question in, receiving a few varying results. Most said the interpretation was sexual from the phallic structure of the obelisk, Keri wondering what on earth that meant, since it began appearing after them having sex in reality. Hmm. Perhaps not that. Unless it was a representation of how well they fitted sexually? Hmm. Perhaps that.  

“And I really fucking miss that big D.” she chuckled softly to herself, continuing to read.

It was also a sign of faith and spiritual significance, which Keri could possibly get on board with. Maybe it was there to show them that though separated, and likely to continue to be so as she embarked on further travel with her work, that they should have faith in their relationship, faith that it could work just fine, although they would be parted for longer periods at times.

“An obelisk looming up stately and cold in your dreams is the forerunner of melancholy tidings. For lovers to stand at the base of an obelisk, denotes fatal disagreements.”

That explanation was far more foreboding, yet she couldn’t understand what kind of fatal disagreement could possibly arise for them. Angel was doing well with being parted from her, he’d told her that and she believed him, but she couldn’t discount that perhaps they could have other issues in the future. A fatal disagreement, though? How ominously worded.  

Shaking it from her mind, she continued to enjoy her beer, joined by Luke, the band’s cheerful drummer, taking the cigarette he offered her with thanks.  

“I’m glad I’ve got you someplace quiet, mate,” he began, lighting up and handing over the petrol lighter to her. “So, me sister is getting wed in just over eight weeks, and well, I was gonna do the photography myself, being a little handy with a camera.” Her crinkled nose cracked him up. “Oi! I’m not that bad, so I’m not! You with that face!”

Her laughter continued. “Luke, stick a set of drumsticks in your hand and you’re pure fire, but a camera? Not so much.”

“You’re a cheeky shite, Keri Jane!” His words only encouraged her giggles, his huge, blue eyes widening. “Anyway, and it pains me to say this now, but you’re much better at it than me. So, I wanted to gift them a proper photographer for the wedding. Money is tight for them, but the bloody advance we got from the record company has lined me pockets nicely, so, and well, if I pay your air fare and hotel, would you consider doing it? Maybe gimmie a wee mate's rate, if that isn’t too much to ask?”

Going back to Ireland, getting to spend more time with the band and get paid for it? It was a no-brainer. “Alright, how is seven hundred dollars for you? I think that works out to about six hundred and fifty euros, which is literally half of what a wedding photographer would usually charge. I’ll give your sister and her new husband all of the images I take as well, she won’t have to choose between them like a lot of photographers stipulate.”

Luke offered his hand across the table. “Bloody got yourself a deal, Keri!” They shook on it, continuing to enjoy their beers in the sun, the tour manager Steph coming out and handing over a couple more. Life was so wonderful in her world at that moment, Keri only wishing that her love could be there to enjoy everything she was experiencing right by her side.

As the tour progressed, each night she’d fall asleep and almost always find Angel there waiting for her, but nothing, absolutely nothing could feel as amazing as it did as she ran through the airport towards him after landing from a long flight, her man there at 3am to collect her from San Diego.  

“Oh my god, I missed you so much!” she cried, overjoyed to be in his arms again, Angel lifting her, her legs wrapping around his waist as she let her hand luggage drop to the floor, her arms wound around him in a tight hug he reciprocated.  

“I missed you too, tiny girl.” They fell into a kiss, absolutely overjoyed to be reunited before he finally placed her down and they walked hand in hand to go and collect her luggage. She’d left her Jeep with him, so that he’d be able to drive it up to collect her, having a vehicle capable of getting her suitcase and photography equipment into, all of which she checked meticulously after pulling it from the luggage carousel.  

As soon as they got to her car, his yawns dictated that she’d be the one driving them home, Keri still on Australia time, so feeling wide away and fresh. Angel slept for around forty of the fifty-five minutes it took to get down to Santo Padre. As soon as they were back in his house, though, sleep was the last thing on his mind, Keri thrown over his shoulder and carried to the bedroom.  

“Oh no, mister, there’ll be none of this.” Turning him onto his back, Keri sat herself astride him, her hand curling around his neck and pushing him down, leaning to him. “I’m in charge, and you’re going to lie back and enjoy it, all the energy I have, being on Australia time.”  

Being pinned beneath his gorgeous girl; what wasn’t to like about that scenario? “Alright, but I gotta request if I’m staying on my back. You bring that pretty little pussy right on up here and take a seat on my face.”  

Fair. After they’d shed their clothes, it was exactly what she did, too, Angel noticing immediately that something was different in so much as that all she had remaining there was a narrow landing strip of hair. “Oh, someone got a haircut.”

“Well, more of a ‘hair yanked out at the roots’, yeah. You like?”

He laid a kiss to her slit. “I like however it comes, baby. What made you decide on almost bare?”  

She shuddered softly at feeling his tongue skim a little lick over her outer lips, kisses beginning to wet her inner thigh. “Dolores and I got talking, and she said it’s a more intense sensation when you have someone going down on you. We also discussed something else that adds to that, which you’ll notice if you look a little closer.”  

Curious, he gently rubbed through her slit with his fingertips, finding exactly what she meant when they made contact with the tiny, pink titanium ring pierced through her clit hood. “Woah. That’s so fucking sexy! Shit, imma have so much fun with this.”  

Keri buzzed with excitement at wanting to know exactly how much different it would feel for her, to experience his mouth without the barrier of the soft, trimmed hair there. Her brand-new piercing, too, which whenever she’d found some time alone, she’d had a little play with and decreed was worth the initial pain of the piercing, almost breaking Dolores’s fingers with how tightly she’d hung on while having it done.  

His first licks were teasing, running over the newly bare flesh, Keri closing her eyes, the tickle of his tongue a much different feel than before. God, it made it even more intense, the flat, firm lick he then laid through her folds making her thighs quiver, the tip of his tongue landing against the piercing, beginning to move it back and forth.  

The wave of pleasure that began to skitter over her nerve endings was unlike anything she’d experienced before, Angel moving his tongue in a way that kept wet warmth massaging her bud, while the ring was continually moved back and forth, her nails grasping at his arms, a soft cry leaving her mouth. “Fuck, Angel. Fuck!”

A shiver ran through him at hearing her voice break upon his gasped name, his hands running up her body, a soft grasp fixing at each breast, rolling her nipples between his thumb and forefingers. “Get these pierced next.”

“Mmm, maybe,” she chuckled, the heat of his lips closing upon her clit and sucking sending her reeling. “Oh god, I missed that mouth!” The pleasure that streaked through her like a hail of comments did nothing but grow, flurries of tingles charging over her body, moaning uncontrollably at the sparks evoked by the suck of his lips.  

Releasing her, he beat his tongue back and forth over her little swollen bud, the pressure mounting, her body juddering as with a series of soft cries, she capsized completely, her waves breaking over his shore as her release washed over her in ceaseless waves.

While she might have been the one in charge, as Angel began to lick at her once again as her sensitivity subsided, Keri surrendered completely, her petal soft flesh rubbed wetter by the inquisitions of his tongue as he gave her clit lots of attention, making it stand even harder.  

He got off on the fact she had a piercing down there greatly, seeing it as something extra he got to play with while participating in his favourite pastime. If he could, he’d go down on her all day, every day. There was nothing he loved more than a mouthful of cunt.

Beating the tip of his tongue against her clit he also moved the ring back and forth, making her gasp and moan as pleasure burned through her like a tempest, wildfire personified, her thighs brushing his face as she writhed against his mouth

“Oh, fuck! Right there, please don’t stop!” she cried out as she felt him tug at her piercing, his deep, lust drenched groan arousing her even further. She loved how turned on it made him whenever he went down on her. A man who thrived upon pleasing a woman with his mouth was eroticism incarnate.

“Stop? No way, mamas. Ain’t happening.” Demonstrating such, he wrapped his mouth around her entire cunt and gave it a good, hard suck, biting gently at her labia too as she wiggled against his face and cried out ferally.

He then continued to go back to what he was doing, each fast, hard lick against her clit having her panting and moaning as she dragged her nails through his hair, feeling herself getting ridiculously wet for him. Testament to that, when he slid his fingers into her it was like cutting through liquid silk, fucking her with them hard and watching her become completely carried away with everything he inflicted upon her.

The feeling of her aroused gush dampening his chin as he continued to lick at her vigorously had him so turned on, he could barely stand it, pulling his fingers out and sucking her milky wetness off them before burying his tongue inside her and moaning as he felt her legs close against his head. His tongue rolling over her clit again and again as it lapped up her silky nectar had her reeling, lost in the storm of pleasure, her body shaking.

Lightning bounced at the base of her spine as he sucked on her harder, the vacuum of his lips sending her straight to her second crest, ecstasy glimmering through her as her hips bucked, riding out her orgasm against his mouth, panting in exertion. “Fuck! Oh, fucking hell, you’re too fucking good at that!”

Looking up at her, kissing her inner thigh, he grinned. “I know. Now, you gonna ride me into this bed, or what? Because shit, baby. That got me so damned hard.”  

Moving to straddle his hips, she slid down upon the thick, hard erection waiting for her, kissing her way back up his chest, her hand moving to clutch his throat. “Yeah, he likes being held down.”

His eyebrows fluttered. “Yeah, I do. Mostly though, I just like having you home.”

Now there was a notion she could definitely agree with.

[bigasswritingmagnet]

When History Comes Calling Ch 6/14

art by @snuffes

Fandom: Mass Effect Rating: Teen Pairing: none, some background Fshep/Garrus

Summary: In 2170, Mindoir was attacked by slavers. Hundreds were taken  captive, hundreds more were slaughtered. Kiryn was the only Shepard to  make it out alive. For years, he buried his grief, kept his head high,  and did whatever he needed to survive.He survived Mindoir and the batarians and when the Reapers came he survived them too.

But  when the war ends and he escapes his batarian masters to the Citadel,  the discovery that his twin sister is alive and well might just be the  thing that breaks him. The Hegemony's greatest assassin will remember  what it means to have something to lose.

AO3 link in notes! “How come Joker gets a whole bed and I have to sleep on a couch?” 

“Because I have brittle bone disease, and you once won hand to hand combat with a krogan.” 

“I have to sleep on a couch too, and I’m not complaining.” 

“Because you fit on a couch, Esteban. You’re couch sized.” 

“You could ask Garrus if you can bunk with him.” 

“No thanks. I’ve been shot all the times I want.” 

A faint pinging noise. 

“Shepard says if we don’t bring breakfast in ten minutes she starts breaking windows.” 

“Ah jeez. Garrus! Come on! We gotta go before Shepard pisses off the nurses again!” 

“I hope they let her out soon, I don’t know how much more of her that hospital can take.” 

“Well the doctor says…” 

The voices faded as the speakers passed out of the bug’s range. Kiryn very nearly scowled in his frustration. This was the third time he’d missed out on information of Keris’ medical status. 

He needed to get more listening devices. One for every room of that stupid, oversized cavern of an apartment. Nobody ever stayed put when they started a conversation, even an important one.  He never should have wasted one in the office. Nobody spent any time in there, because it was Keris’ office, and she was in the hospital. 

The kitchen had been a good call, but apparently people had conversations about highly confidential top secret Alliance projects anywhere they damn well pleased, up to and including the bathroom. Weren’t these people supposed to be professionals? One of them was the Shadow Broker for crying out loud.  

The emails had been worse than disappointing. They had been concerning. Not in content, but in quantity. He had expected the bulk of his sister’s communication to be work related. But out of an entire year’s worth of correspondence, barely fifty of them had been entirely unrelated to her work. At least they had been relatively positive messages, mostly requests to spend time together in a non-combat situation. He just hoped Keris had taken them all up on that offer. She never seemed to reply to the emails she got. 

Kiryn sat up, startling the man on the other bed. He wasn’t sure what to make of the man, who went by Tucker. He couldn't possibly know Kiryn's reputation - he was from a colony just outside Alliance space, and this was the farthest he'd ever been from home. He'd been a beet farmer, of all things. 

Kiryn had never threatened him. In fact, Kiryn barely spoke to the man. He spent most of his time staring silently at the ceiling, listening to the conversations via his listening devices. Tucker couldn't hear anything, Kiryn had made sure, so there was no way that was worrying him.Kiryn was never rude or angry or moody; he kept up his neutral expression as he always did, showing no emotions whatsoever.

So why on earth was Tucker so afraid of him?

“Good morning,” he said.

“Mmhmm,” Tucker said, dropping the datapads he’d been trying to sort. He started to retrieve them, only to drop them again when Kiryn stood up. Kiryn stared at him, trying to think of something to say that would reassure the man. The only thing that really came to mind was “don’t worry I only kill people for money and I promise I wouldn’t take a contract on you if anyone offered it”-- and Kiryn suspected that wasn’t quite going to cut it.

“Have a nice day,” he said, finally. Tucker shrank away from him as he slipped out the door. What a strange man. 

  As obsessive as C-Sec was about keeping tabs on the refugees, they sure weren't doing a very good job of watching all the possible ways in and out. This had been a loading dock, which meant there were all sorts of service entrances. Sure, those doors were locked, but they used the same keycards as the open entrances. All Kiryn had had to do was get his hands on a security pass -- neatly snagged off a passing officer too busy talking on his omnitool -- and he could come and go as he pleased. There was one door that the cameras didn't quite reach, around a corner the guards didn't bother to keep an eye on.

Kiryn was becoming quite fond of C-Sec, in a condescending sort of way. Bless their little hearts, they tried so hard. If Kiryn had been interested in doing any real damage, they'd never catch him until it was far, far too late. Truly it was fortunate that everyone was too busy trying to get themselves sorted out to even think about the kinds of political maneuverings that required murder.

He found that he enjoyed exploring the Citadel. So much of it was a novelty: being able to disappear so easily into the crowd, not needing to keep constant watch for security systems or guards, to keep to his own schedule rather than that of his target, to just casually be . He could go into a store that caught his interest without a purpose, or sit on a bench and watch people go by, or even just meander aimlessly around with no destination in mind.  

Perhaps this was what it meant to enjoy freedom.

He didn't even need to be efficient when he did have a goal in mind. He could go to the wards and find the quiet little shop that discreetly sold the tools of his trade, buy some more listening devices, and take himself up to the Presidium for lunch before heading back to Keris' apartment. No rush at all, so long as he got there before visiting hours ended. He'd been listening in for long enough to get a good sense of everyone's schedules. They tended to take shifts at the hospital with Keris, but they also had their own jobs to do. In general, the apartment was all but guaranteed to be empty between 10 am and 3pm.

"I'm getting a little worried about you, Garrus," said Tali'zorah vas Normandy, and Kiryn nearly choked on his noodles. Reaching out to grab a napkin, he turned the silver holder until he could see beside him. Only one seat away, three of Keris' friends were sitting down to lunch.

Of all the worst luck... He hunched his shoulders and tried to be as invisible as possible. They don't know what you look like, he tried to remind himself. For that matter, they didn't even know anyone had been in Keris' apartment. They weren't looking for anyone. But if they did figure it out, he couldn't risk someone looking at the security cameras and remembering the guy at the noodle place.

"What are you talking about? I'm fine," said Garrus Vakarian, the turian his sister was, actually, as a matter of fact, dating for real. Kiryn still hadn’t figured out what to think about that. 

"No, Tali's right. You spend every minute you can in the hospital." James Vega was even bigger than he sounded.   

"Where else should I be?" Vakarian snapped. Kiryn watched his reflection jab irritably at the electronic menu. "I can do my work from there just fine."

"I know," Tali’zorah said, gently, "but you don't do anything else. Or go anywhere else. At all."

"You want me to just leave her in there alone?" There were even fewer turians in batarian space than there were humans, so Kiryn wasn't as good at reading them, especially when distorted by a reflection. But even he could hear anxiety pretending to be anger when he heard it.

"C'mon, Scars, we're not saying you should never visit her. But she's not going anywhere. She's fine now, she said so herself."

"She said she was fine when she was barely out of the coma, too," Vakarian said. "After what happened last week, you still think she's fine?"

Last week? What had happened last week? Nobody had said anything last week. Unless they'd said it out of range of the listening devices. His hand tightened on his chopsticks, his ears straining to pick up every word over the bustle of the crowd.

"It was just a bad reaction to the medication. The doctors fixed it."

"And if she has a bad reaction to this stuff too? What then?"

Kiryn tried to remember to keep eating, to just blend in, be another member of the crowd. Everything suddenly tasted foul; it was hard to swallow. He agreed with Vakarian whole-heartedly. A mental image of Keris sitting small and alone in a dark hospital room, flashed across his mind. Just the thought made him feel cold. These were supposed to be her friends!

"Hey, can you pass the soy sauce?"

The voice was so unexpected Kiryn looked up. He turned away again, but the damage had been done. Vega had seen his face. Kiryn slid the bottle over, muttering something, trying to look engaged with his soup.

"Hey, do I know you? You look real familiar, man."

No. No, no, no, no.

He shook his head, his stomach twisting into knots.

"Military, right?" Shit . "I was stationed out on Arcturus Prime a few years back; were you ever out that way?"

Kiryn shook his head firmly and stood.

"No."

"But--"

Kiryn turned quickly and left, knowing this was suspicious, thinking of a thousand better ways he could have handled it... but his heart was thudding against his ribs so hard he couldn't breathe. 

He should hold off on going back to Keris' apartment for a few days, until the incident had faded from their minds. He wasn't going to. The reminder of just how much information he was missing was not one he could easily put aside. What if Vakarian was right, and something did happen and Kiryn never knew about it?

He would just need to be quick, and careful.

This time he did not go in the front door, even though he knew the code. He could not risk being seen by the cameras out front. But he'd had a chance to get his hands on blueprints of Tiberius Towers and the buildings beside it. There was a parking garage beneath them. All three had access. 

He walked faster than he should have. The adrenaline and something tight in his chest he couldn't understand drove him on. He found the elevator and stairwell. He took the stairs, but only two flights. There was the opening to the air vents. Unpleasant, slow, and difficult, but much, much safer. No risk of being seen. He could be absolutely sure no one was in the apartment before he entered.

The added bonus was that it forced him to slow down. He had to focus on making as little sound as possible, regulating his breathing, and counting the floors as he went. The cold air in the vent went a long way to clearing his mind. By the time he was high up enough, his heartbeat had slowed and he could think straight again, although he still couldn’t shake that tightness in his chest. 

It had been an unfortunate coincidence, and he hadn’t handled it well. However, given that no one knew about the bugs, no one was on the alert for any strange behavior. As far as they knew, he was just a weird guy at the ramen place. Right? Right. 

So just calm down and get a grip. Everything was fine. 

There was a series of laser tripwires criss-crossing the vents leading to Keris’ apartment. Before he could pull up his omnitool and figure out how to deactivate them, they turned off. That was….weird. He checked their schematics and found that they had genetic sequence readers, just like the door. They didn’t seem to be set to track any coming and goings. The alarm was simply wired not to go off when certain people went by. And apparently the readers weren’t very advanced, if 50% was close enough to do it. 

It might have been making his life more convenient, but he wasn’t any less annoyed at how slipshod Keris’ security system was. She should really know better.

Kyrin had a lot of little tools in his kit, things that weren’t necessary but made his job easier. Some were quite specialised. You couldn’t get past everything with an omnitool. Of particular use was a device that looked almost like something you’d find at a dentist’s office, which was able to unscrew things from around a corner. Like, say, the screws to a vent cover from inside the vent. 

Kiryn was at the top of his field for many reasons. His physical prowess and tactical skill made him one of the best. But there were two things that made him the best: he minded the little details, and he always always managed his escape routes as he went. It was for this reason that, despite his urgency, he took the time to strip the screws and glue them into place on the vent cover, so he could come and go with ease. 

This time he was not going to dawdle. In, plant the bugs, get out. He’d go to the wards and find a hotel that charged by the hour, ridiculous or not, and work on his sniper rifle. That would make him feel better. Or at least calmer.

He put a bug in every room in the apartment, every hallway. Under every couch, the poker table, the conference table, hidden in the branches of a tree, at the bottom of a painting. One in the bar, at the far back where it couldn’t be seen. 

Nothing was ever going to happen to Keris that Kiryn did not know about. Not anymore.

[thebtswritersclub]

Happy Birthday Dean!

Everyone in The BTS Writers’ Club wants to wish our one and only admin Dean ( @eternalseokjin​ ) the happiest of birthday on his day!! Here are some of the messages from members and admins to celebrate you, Dean.  We love you. 

Happiest of Birthday to the one who is always there for me and is the biggest brain in the room. I could list about a hundred adjectives detailing precisely why I think you are damn amazing and special but so as to not waste your time I ll wrap this up by saying that your friendship means so much to me. Your kindness and maturity always inspires me and I am so glad that we are friends. happy birthday king, have a great one!

- Adi @ditttiii​

DEANNNNNN! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I am wishing you a wonderful day and a wonderful year. I greatly cherish each and every one of our times together and can't wait to keep growing our friendship more and more in the coming years!!! Love you!!!! 

 - Lillia @moccahobi​

happy birthday dean! i hope your birthday is as amazing as you are! you are so kind and extremely welcoming to everyone in the net. thank you for being you and for sharing your heart with all of us!!    -Carese @honeyj00ns​

Happy Birthday Dean!!!!! I hope you have a fantastic day, full of smiles and good food. You’re seriously one of the greatest persons I’ve had the honor to meet. You’re immensely kind and patient. I wish you nothing but the best, for you deserve just as much love as you give to the world. Enjoy, have fun and a smile a lot for today is your day. Love you. - Danna ( @unoriginal-username15432​ )

Hey Dean! You’re doing great! You’ve been wonderful to get to know you! Your slimes are, yes I can’t not say it, ABSOLUTE POG! Let’s hope we can play lots od DnD, and mark my words, I’ll be there for one of your campaigns! - Olivia (Dae) @birbdae​

You are an amazing person and one of the best friends and people that I have had the absolute pleasure to meet here in this community. You really deserve so much more love and appreciation than you get here on tumblr, and I am so proud to call myself your cheerleader. I hope that our friendship can continue to grow and evolve. Thank you so much for being amazing, and I hope that you have many, many wonderful days ahead. -Keri @kerikaaria​

Dear Dean, Happy day of your existance! I hope you spend the day happily with your closest people. It's been truly an honour to have met you through this net. To finally meet an author that has float through my dash multiple, and I mean MULTIPLE times is something I would not have imagined. To be fair, I still don't think I've completely come to the full realisation that you are that person. dsjfhjkdsf I am truly grateful for all the conversations we've had. D&D really had opened that gateway. (also psst, you're a wonderful DM) You're such a hardworking person and you do so much. I hope that this coming year of your life is full of happiness and good things come to you. You deserve all the happiness that comes your way. -That jittering dude in the corner, Neptune. :3 @dawndrms​

Hello Dean! Happy birthday, i hope to speak with you more but i hope you have a wonderful time and celebrate it in a cool and safe way! - Ellie ( @jungkooksbroski​ )

Happy Birthday Dean! Thank you for DMing half of the D&D campaigns, I love the scary vibes! Just hoping we can pull victory from the (many) jaws of death next session! Also, thanks a lot for being such an amusing, steady presence in the net, it's always nice to see you in the chats, even if I don't participate much. I hope you have an amazing day free of stress, a day perfect especially for you! Once again, happy birthday! -Day @baepsaetan​

Hey dean, happy birthday! I couldn’t think of a less lame message ;-; On a more serious note though, you’re a real inspiration to me, and it’s honestly just crazy interacting with you so casually. I was serious about the fan club, so keep your eyes peeled. Happy birthday again, I hope it’s awesome! - Ellie @wheresmymoniat​

[wetalkinboutbooks]

New Year, New Review 🤩

A Sky Beyond the Storm by Sabaa Tahir

Summary: The long-imprisoned jinn are on the attack, wreaking bloody havoc in villages and cities alike. But for the Nightbringer, vengeance on his human foes is just the beginning.

At his side, Commandant Keris Veturia declares herself Empress, and calls for the heads of any and all who defy her rule. At the top of the list? The Blood Shrike and her remaining family.

Laia of Serra, now allied with the Blood Shrike, struggles to recover from the loss of the two people most important to her. Determined to stop the approaching apocalypse, she throws herself into the destruction of the Nightbringer. In the process, she awakens an ancient power that could lead her to victory--or to an unimaginable doom.

And deep in the Waiting Place, the Soul Catcher seeks only to forget the life--and love--he left behind. Yet doing so means ignoring the trail of murder left by the Nightbringer and his jinn. To uphold his oath and protect the human world from the supernatural, the Soul Catcher must look beyond the borders of his own land. He must take on a mission that could save--or destroy--all that he knows. (Taken from Goodreads)

Our Ratings:  

 → Geena:  ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

 → Kae: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Overall: The final instalment of the Ember Quartet had us crying in the metaphorical club. It’s exciting, terrifying, and probably the horniest book in the series and we loved it!

~Spoiler-full discussion below~

The Good:

→ Elias and Laia

Geena: In the final instalment of the Ember quartet, Sabaa deprives us of an Elias POV and slaps us with the Soulcatcher instead… He’s very much an ‘emotions are bad’ type of dude, the opposite of Elias who always had so many… but both of them are so angsty? The Soulcatcher really likes to beat up trees when his memories from when he was Elias resurface which was so emo to me. Despite being possessed by Mauth he is also such a coward, especially around Laia, because Elias’ feelings for Laia scare him and every single time he is like *running emoji*. We were surprised that Sabaa let him remain the soulcatcher for so long, every chapter I was like ‘Okay, maybe this is where Elias breaks through…’ but no.. Elias remained buried UNTIL their night in the cabin… the Soulcatcher was like ‘k I’m out’ but ONLY for ONE NIGHT and that still makes me scream.. The Soulcatcher was like ‘you kids are too horny for me, I’m gonna take a nap for a bit and let Elias take over bc Jesus.’ 

Despite it all, the Soulcatcher’s chapters were enjoyable albeit painful because this man was so duty bound, like even Elias wasn’t that dedicated when he was a Mask. But near the end, when we finally get the chapter that starts with Elias…. Ngl I cried a little, and immediately wanted to reread the whole series (I feel like Sabaa did this on purpose to torture us). I want to fight Sabaa though, like she did an amazing job showing how Elias’ conscious and the Soulcatcher’s conscious were constantly fighting one another, and how Elias’ memories of the people he loved ultimately fuelled the Soulcatcher’s actions… even though the Soulcatcher was like ‘I’m doing this for the ghosts’ like okay… no ghost told you to keep protecting and kissing Laia but you still did it…  

Kae: Okay, so Geena summed up my boy Ilyaas pretty damn well. Also, we LOVE HIS ETHNIC NAME IN THIS HOUSE. But um, YES. Elias was a sad boy ™ the whole time while fighting his emotions and ultimately losing. It was so PAINFUL as a reader, seeing all of  his chapters except the ONE say ‘Soulcatcher’. But when it finally said ELIAS again, I too, started to cry. Because he was BACK. 

You can all thank the power of Laia’s determination to seduce Elias back to himself, because our girl was NOT giving up. She said ‘you gonna get this coochie, dammit’ and in the cabin, Elias was like ‘well i’ll be damned. I sure as hell am. I am BACK BAYBEEEEE’

Geena: Sabaa Tahir said horny rights like ksjdnfdsjknfsdk

Kae: AUFVAHLHVKJ. BUT YES. In the end, love won. And so did sex because everyone was doin it or TRYING to do it. I guess when the world is ending, you only get one last time to uhh…. Have a good time. So they made sure they did lmao 

Now, let’s get into Laia. 

Laia. My sweet little cupcake. My mug of tea with too much honey. This girl has been through literal hell and back, and yet, she kept going. She NEVER gave up. Laia woke up in book 4 like ‘Today i will commit crimes. Helene and I crave violence’ and they both just started kicking ASS and I LOVED THAT. I was really happy to see the progression of Laia and Helen’s friendship and how they genuinely grew to like one another and see each other as besties. They both deserved a girl friend and I’m glad they found a friendship within each other. 

Laia is the bravest character in this damn book. She went from poor scholar, to slave, to hero and she was brave because she had to be. Laia is strong and took on their entire world. She had help, but she did a lot of it alone and that takes some real guts. She is the most genuine, sweetest, bravest girl and I love her. <3 

Laia also single handedly brought the Ilyaas back from his Soulcatcher shit. During this whole book she was just like ‘You know what? I think I’mma go mess with Elias’ emo ass today to see if I can get him to kiss me or something’ THEN SHE PROCEEDED TO SHOW UP AT THIS MANS HOUSE (realm or whatever) BUTTASS NEKKID. And he saw her and immediately flew the hell out of there it was TOO MUCH and he LIKED IT but couldn’t admit it. 

Geena: You know what I love about that whole scene was like earlier she was like ‘He’s a lost cause idc’ and then Darin was like ‘Elias wouldn’t give up on you if that happened’ and Laia was like ‘you’re right, he would show up stark naked and try to seduce me back to my body’ and she did just that...

Kae: SHE DID. SHE SHOWED UP AND SHOWED OUT! Like, her entire mission was to bring Elias back while also planning on taking down the Nightbringer. But she was straight up like ‘okay but not before i get my man back through SEDUCTION’. Ugh, the mango scene?  Superb. 

Geena: Laia is hands down one of my favourite book characters to exist. Her journey from the first book being a scared girl with a missing brother, to being the face of a revolution… like the GROWTH. Like Kae mentioned, she and Helene end up as BESTIIEESSSS, and I was surprised at how natural they seemed. Because we went from them hating each other to close friends, but despite not seeing their development, it came off so natural? So, I loved that! 

Kae covered Laia’s character pretty thoroughly, she was both a horndog and a bad bitch. Like this girl has pretended to be a Slave for the Commandment to travelling a desert by herself and facing off a squad of Jinn… In retrospect, Laia is a unique case, she’s allowed to be kind and caring and doesn’t have to be a fighter type to be strong. She’s not the chosen one, which this book made clear, it could’ve been anyone to fight the Nightbringer… but only Laia was strong enough to love him AND defy him. And I just love her a lot… she was very much an anime protagonist with the power of love, family, and friendship… anyways I love her and that’s all I have to say

→ Helene 

Geena: The way I ended up liking and rooting for Helene this book? Came out of left field. To be honest, in previous books I didn’t feel much for her other than ‘stop chasing after Elias and Laia pls.’ But this book I wanted her to win, especially with the fight against the germanic-esque invaders. She goes through substantial development, no longer seeing Scholars as slaves and taking their opinions seriously.. Like Laia, Musa, and Darin were all a part of her crew. A stark difference from Book 1 Helene, who thought Scholars only had one role in the world and that was slaves. 

Helene… like Laia… really has the Ember equivalent of hot girl summer with Harper… all the time she spends denying it she is like *jumps on him the chance she gets*. The bath scene… Helene’s power was turning her tortuer into her MAN… But also Sabaa said that ‘yes she has changed, but she has to repent for her sins’ and that’s why Helene is basically left alone at the end (save for Laia, Elias, and Musa). 

Kae: So not gonna lie, I never actually disliked Helene. I saw her as the flawed character she was in the beginning. During her cat and mouse chase with Elias and Laia in the beginning, she would piss me OFF because like, that’s your BEST FRIEEEEEND. JUST STAAAAHP. But also, it was him or her and her family's death, so I get it. But I always saw potential in her to be better. And thank GOODNESS she went through all that character development. Because she was a damn menace in the beginning. 

Also like Geena mentioned; Helly and Harper finally hooking up? I swear the heavens opened up in that moment because EVERYONE could feel their tension. LIKE JUST DO IT ALREADY. You can’t fight love, baybeeee

Watching Helly grow as a person was really rewarding as a reader. Like Geena said, she went from hating scholars to being like ‘hmm, maybe my opinions are shitty?’ and straight up changed.  I also feel for her because she lost her ENTIRE family and like, honestly? I would’ve given up. BUT SHE DIDN’T. She’s a literal fighter, bred for this shit. So she FOUGHT. And I was really scared she was gonna get murked because y’all know Keris’ tiny evil ass doesn’t have a chill button. And when they were fighting? I was like LAWD PLS DON’T  TAKE HELLY. But instead he took Harper *upside down smiley face* SO THAT WAS FUCKED UP AND I WASN’T READY FOR IT. But a piece of me knew it was coming. 

The Bad:   

→ Darin and Harper

Geena: As Kae mentioned… Harper kicked the can in this book :’( His eventual fall came from loving and caring for Helene too much, which left him open and gave Keris the chance to stab him. Harper was basically Helene’s heart outside her body, and when he went down so did Helene. I had had a feeling when Book 3 ended that Harper wouldn’t make it, but I WASN’T HAPPY ABOUT BEING RIGHT FOR ONCE… Harper had finally met his brother (Elias) and hadn’t even had a chance to meet the real Elias and talk to him about their father or other sibling stuff. LIKE OF ALL CHARACTER DEATHS… AND THERE WAS A LOT… The other one that came out of left field was fucking Darin of Serra… DARIN… THE ONE DUDE WE SPENT TWO WHOLE BOOKS SAVING… DEAD WITH A SNAP OF HIS NECK!! I WAS SO MAD

LIKE SABAA HAD US THINKING HE WAS GONNA BE SAFE, SHE GAVE HIM A LIL GIRLFRIEND AND EVERYTHING BUT THEN SHE GOES.. AND KILLS HIM?? JUST LIKE THAT?? Then we had to read the scenes where Elias helps both Darin and Harper pass over into the afterlife and I was just *cries angrily* 

Kae: Well, THAT was sad. Have you ever just like, felt your heart break into a million tiny irreparable pieces? That’s how I felt when Darin and Harper died. Because like, they were both trying to save the women they loved. Darin to Laia, (foolishly so against the Nightbringer) but I would do it for my little sister too. And Harper with Helene against evilass Keris. Dude, that shit just sucked. It hurt to read. It hurt to imagine the girls feeling the pain of their deaths. They were both such good men. And DARIIIN. 

Darin didn’t have to go out like that, man. It was such a harsh death. No last words. It was just over and his body was just gone. I wish Laia would’ve been able to talk with him at The Waiting Place at least one last time. But it is what it is. I hated to see both of them go. Especially since Darin pretty much sparked this whole series. 

Sure, Laia, Helene, and Elias were the main characters. But Darin was the spark that started the fire. And he didn’t even get to see it’s flames extinguished. 

Geena: He was the ember in the ashes… literally like Sabaa uses that for Elias and Laia but it applies to Darin the most

Kae: LITCHRALLY gonna get teary eyed over here. Our boys deserved better :( 

Conclusion 

Geena: This was not at all a disappointing end to the series we’ve followed closely for so long. The different plot points and character arcs were tied up nicely, and Sabaa Tahir showed us once again why she’s one of the best fantasy writers on this side of the Milky Way. We didn’t even bother including a ‘The Ugly’ section because we loved it too much ksfmsd. The only qualm I’d have with the end was the empire remaining, Helene recognized the Scholars as equals but centuries of pain isn’t easily forgotten you know? SO THAT’S WHY I THINK WE DESERVE A SEQUEL SERIES… BUT I DIGRESS… OVERALL, I loved this book and the ending for all the characters ESPECIALLY FOR OUR GIRL LAIA <3

Kae: YES. I AGREE 100% WITH GEENA. It was such a beautiful end to the series. Sabaa is  GENIUS and her storytelling is phenomenal. I loved every little surprise she’s hidden in all of the books. ESPECIALLY WITH COOK BEING ALIVE? I DIDN’T SEE THAT SHIT COMING AT ALL. LIKE HOLY SHIT? So Laia had some remaining family afterall, and I think that’s very sweet. I’m really sad to see the series be over with and Geena and I are both *~HOPIIIING~* for an epilogue or some little crumbs or SOMETHING with the gang and how their lives ended up into middle adulthood or something. 

Geena: I would literally take a single paragraph… Ms. Tahir…. Blease…

Kae: But yes, in conclusion, Laia has a heart of gold and we LOVE HER. She’s brave and strong and smart, and was the only one out of THOUSANDS to stick for herself and defy the Nightbringer, and save the whole world. Helene has come a long way and she developed beautifully as a character. And Elias. Ohhh, Ilyaas. His continued self sacrifice and bravery and love still helped him live in the end and I think that’s beautiful. 

[rwby-ask-central]

RWBY VOL8EP12 SPOILERS

I WAS RIGHT

I called that Penny would turn into a real girl. I called them using emerald’s semblance against ironwood. I called them dealing with the people in the Crater. I called that Robin & Qrow met Winter in the elevator. I KNEW it would work out.

I was wrong....

Unfortunately, Jaques is still alive...but hey, at least Winter didn’t want it this way. I guess he does need to serve his time and be punished for his actions, tho I would argue death a viable one at the point. I was wrong that Winter & Weiss would clash. And I was wrong that Winter would kill James. At least, not yet, if ever.

James

He got Blindsided. It was an amazing trick by the gang. And I’d like to see how they set it all up. He got STOMPED. But he also put up a pretty good fight given the circumstances. I don’t think the jail is going to hold him. He’s tough. We saw what happened against Watts. Although it was only his arm and it took everything out of him. He needed serious medical help afterwards. I don’t think he’ll let any of that stop him.

The Staff

I wasn’t expecting a spirit. I’m not really sure WHAT I was expecting. But it’s definitely safe to say that the spirit is a HIMBO. He’s taller than Jinn. I’m not into that either but DAMN he got a good shape. It’s strange. I had to think over the wishes to fully understand how Penny got to be human permanently, but I got it. I’m surprised the staff doesn’t have a cool down, or some limit. Also, it seems the spirits inside the artifacts don’t comprehend time as the outside does. The spirit seemed to think quite a lot of time had passed, as he seemed surprised to see the girls again. I wonder if Jinn works the same way? But then why wasn’t she surprised to see Ruby again? Oh well. It all worked out...for now...

Cinder

So I can’t even guess what Cinder is up to? Obviously, she wants to surprise them. But it’s not like her style. She hasn’t been stealthy for some time. She hasn’t been quiet in some time. It’s like SHES got something to prove. She wouldn’t be one to just take the relics and run. She wants to fight. Unless Neo or Watts are the masterminds behind this one, I’m confused. I guess the better question is, does Cinder even need the maiden power since the artifact has been removed? Does Salem need the powers for a purpose? Or are they just to secure the vaults? Maybe both. We’ll see.

The Warning

“Don’t FALL”. What does it mean? It’s vague and ominous. I have a theory that maybe if the powers are STOLEN and not transferred that the vaults don’t actually materialize? I have no idea how that would work, but it would explain why Salem couldn’t find the vault under Beacon? And it would cause an issue for the people they’re rescuing...more importantly, I want to know what the giant orb was when the doorways opened...how does it work? What is it for? Where is it? Does Salem know about that place/object?

Penny

It’s adorable to see Penny as a person now...but I have a question? How can she defend herself? She’s a new maiden. Not like Raven or Cinder. She doesn’t know how to materialize weapons or control her powers well, if at all. Not being a robot means her swords are gone, she can’t detect danger, she can’t fly, or not in the same way. She can’t detect danger. Combat wise, she’s at a substantial disadvantage. I have a feeling that Cinder might use that to her advantage.

Communications Down

Was this Watt’s doing? Or maybe Atlas being in the sky was acting as some sort of pseudo-tower, allowing local kingdom wide communication? I doubt it was Watts. With the equipment he has, no resources, no access, and no idea of THIS plan, he couldn’t have acted that fast. Could he?

Help

I still think Help is on the way. Possibly Raven. I still have my hopes up for a redemption arc, but I doubt it. Maybe Tai will show up and make some small plot point helping up locate summer? I’m not sure. I have a feeling that all the parents will be showing up to this one.

Wrap up

I’ll be posting a sort of “final theories” post, just to give me thoughts before the finale. It should be the last post for a while, while I work on my volume 8 meme video and think about the show. I really liked this episode. It was mostly wholesome. One think I’ll remind everyone, the last things we see in the opening are the Apathy arms, the phrase “happy never again”, and fallen weapons. Namely, Ruby’s Scythe. This could just be a choice of aesthetics, as cresent Rose is Iconic. But we do see everyone’s weapon at some point. And just a reminder, Monty wrote 10 seasons of story. So either we have 2 season left to wrap up the show...or Miles & Keri (and the others) made some changes/additions/stretched out the show. We’ll see.

[s-n-a-k-e-p-i-t]

okay so I finished the ember in the ashes series

and it actually was pretty good. 

SPOILERS BELOW  :) 

Okay so I thought the first book was pretty cool. Gave off very much Hunger Games meets Game of Thrones vibes, which I had literally zero issues with. As with my book report on the first book (I didn’t write them for two and three because I just kept going) I liked all the character development and I also appreciated that the main couple (Elias x Laia) were occupied by other potential romantic interests and they weren’t immediately with each other... Though I immediately regretted that once Elias became The Soul Catcher and literally could not be with her.. But anyway, I loved Helene’s character and I honestly shipped her more with Elias than Laia at first. Sue me. But they were both hardened people and understood each other and it felt like it just worked. 

Anyway, the second and third books kinda meshed together in my mind. There was a lot of traveling and scheming, etc, and I felt like it was dragged on a bit too much. I blame Keris’ whole “I want to rule everyone mwahaha I’m working with The Nightbringer, you’re all beneath me” shtick, because holy shit I wanted her dead more than anyone. And honestly the redeeming quality in those for me was Helene and Harper. I power read through every POV to get back to them, I thought Elias and Laia’s story was taking a while? Ha! Helene gave that boy NOTHING until she gave him everything. But wow, I loved them so much. 

I would easily say Helene was my favorite character in this series. Homegirl watched her whole family have their throats slit just to watch her sister be essentially sold to a fucking dipshit of an Emperor? After losing her best friend she was in love with? And having to hunt him? And control all military? Literal queen. Honestly. She was a fucking badass. And then Harper? Being the only one she could really trust and open up to? AND THEN HE DIED???? I was like please god NO let her have SOMETHING. I mean not that I’m opposed to her whatever it is with Musa. 

Okay, maybe Musa is my fav. No Helene is, but he and Darin are a CLOSE tie for second. 

Anyway, the last book? I didn’t think I’d finish it today after starting it after lunch. But alas, here I am. Woohoo. The last book really surprised me. Being the longest and historically speaking last books always suck, I thought it would take me a day or two, but holy moly, I tore through those last 200 pages like I hadn’t eaten in days and it was a fat juicy steak in front of me. DAMN. The Nightbringer’s whole exposure and binding, Helene finally destroying Keris with her story (which was WOW by the way, I mean I had a feeling but shit), the maelstrom. Ugh. My heart. And Laia keeping her promise and telling the story of the Nightbringer at the end at the Moon Festival. I just really appreciated how it all came full circle, how this story essentially started and ended in the same place. 

I totally called Cook being Laia’s mom when I was reading book 1, but honestly, the surprises came more from her actions. Killing Keris after everyone thought she was dead. Taking over as The Soul Catcher so that Laia could have Elias in her life. Cook could easily fit in with Musa and Darin as #2 in my favs. 

I think it was really interesting as well how the POVs expanded as the story went on and I really liked how the side characters were (imo) more intriguing than the main one’s (87% of the time). And counting Helene as a non main character. I mean I guess she is. I guess she accounts for most of that percentage. Idk it’s late and I suck at math and my heart hurts. 

Ultimately, while certain parts dragged, there was just enough in this series to keep me wanting to know what happened. Though I wasn’t consumed by the fire of loving a story with so much of myself, I still found versions of it in the first and last books and was still invested enough some of the characters to keep reading. I also am hesitant with significant time jumps so there’s that lol. But overall this was good. I’m glad I read it and I’m satisfied with the ending. 

As always I am here to chit chat if you’ve read the series as well. Next on the list is Throne of Glass. Get ready because I am!

[masterthespianduchovny]

Steve, Bucky, and Peggy: The Love Triangle that Isn’t

There is a popular narrative among a certain crowd that Steggy only happened so Steve isn’t perceived as gay or having feelings for Bucky. And maaaaaybe this is true, but honestly, I don’t agree.

Peggy was supposed to be the great love of Steve’s life that never got to happen due to circumstance. And then comes along Sharon who is supposed to be his great next love. But, what happened is that not that many people were interested and, funny enough, more were drawn to Steve’s reaction about Peggy—him visiting her and her later dying than they actually have a fuck about Staron or whatever the ships name is.

Coincidentally, this is the SAME movie that Bucky as winter soldier is reintroduced in. The movie where they try to establish a new romantic relationship for Cap and have us met the new Bucky, which the former isn’t Bucky.

What happened is this: fans essentially completely rejected Sharon and salivated for Bucky and this devotion Steve had towards him. It was a shipper’s dream the way Steve behaved. BUT, Steve and Bucky was never on the menu and it was never teased canonically.

I cannot say if the actors or those connected to the MCU queerbaited fans, but actors and connected employees have the habit of trying to be supportive of fans and ships by entertaining things they aren’t necessarily invested in or care about all that much. Some of that is because they appreciate the fans enthusiasm and the other part is it being apart of the job to have enthusiastic fans.

It reminds me how how John Boyega supported two/three ships on Star Wars, but it wasn’t necessarily because he was a shipper himself. The only actor in the current series who seems like an actual shopper is the one who plays Poe.

So, after they got rid of Sharon in the third cap “movie”, they had to figure out what to do about his love interest. Again, the only significant and canonical one people gravitated to was Peggy, but she was dead. BUT, there was also a consistent thread about Cap’s feelings for her. Almost every movie that desires cap prominently has some small scene or moment that references her.

So, for people to act like Peggy was Sharon is dishonest. Or how they want to act like Peggy was some random girl. Peggy met Steve before he was cap—I know, I know, Bucky did too—but, this is important because it sets up their relationship about how she cared for him and took him seriously as a person even then. Her feelings grew romantic as did his, but their feelings was based on friendship and their mutual respect for one another. Peggy also helped Steve to defy orders to do what he felt was right, so they share values as well. I believe all this happened over a span of two years.

When she is in the hospital Steve regularly visits her and is distraught when she dies. His behavior is a call back to that old fashioned romanticized love in which one half of a spouse is loyal, dedicated, and (always) by their beside. Despite Steve still having g his youth and presumably young, interested women clamoring for him, he is devoted to Peggy and takes time out of his week to visit her. When she dies, he’s even her pallbearer.

This behavior is more than “a connection to the past.” I guess since it’s muted and not fighting to save someone you care about at all cost, it doesn’t read a love or romantic.

But, it’s clearly established that Steve’s love has never faded and even though he has young women interested in him, he’d rather sit by the side of his 90 year old (former) love.

We even see him carrying a locket with her picture in it as well. The MCU has gone out of its way to show how very real Steve’s feelings are.

Enter in Bucky.

When we first meet Bucky, we see he’s the best friend of Steve. The charming ladies man who exudes confidence. He looks out for Steve, esp because Steve likes to get up for trouble when standing up for his values. Yet, neither Steve nor Bucky are particularly attached to one another—meaning to subtext of homoeroticism that speaks to deeper feelings known or unknown.

We could argue that Steve’s feelings became prominences, but not known to him, when he saw Bucky again, but I’ll continue to lay out for my reasoning for not believing that.

Winter soldier sets for the foundation of how captain American went from a loyal patriot to questioning and distrusting his government. Despite his camaraderie with the avengers, he still feels alone and like a man out of time. He leans on his patriotism to get him through this totally unique and indescribable experience. But, I’m the second movie, he’s on the run from that very same government and is finding out about their secrets and lies.

During this time he runs into Bucky, his best friend who he thought died.

We must keep in mind that Cap’s two direct connections to the past in this moment are both Peggy and Bucky. We see his loyalty to Peggy due to reasons I mentioned, but there is another factor going on with Bucky: it’s him, but it’s NOT him.

It was completely disorienting for Cap to see a man who was supposed to be dead and in his 90s looking youthful and a unrelenting killer. There was no way they was the Bucky Cap knew. Cap has to get to the bottom of what happened to Bucky and, later, avenge his friend. His autonomy and agency was violated, he was experimented on, and brought back to life to be a trained killer.

Of course Steve feels that deeply, especially because he underwent a similar experiment, but willingly and retained his agency and independence. But, it’s also about corrupting the past for Steve. The way the government manipulates and pushes things forth for the agenda. There’s levels to this.

Then, when Bucky saved Steve, and then disappeared, Steve was largely fine, but concerned about Bucky. And why wouldn’t he be? Bucky almost killed him, saved him, and then left—he doesn’t know how Bucky is dealing and coping with what happened to him. How could he know?

Steve fighting and protecting Bucky in his third movie and, eventually, fighting against Tony is about how we shouldn’t punish an exploited person for something that were manipulated into doing. And how they’re being used as patsy’s to shift blame. Bucky was a victim in the second and third movie. Bucky needed someone to stand up for and advocate for him, which only Steve did.

I mean, did Bucky deserve to die for something he had no choice over? Or imprisoned?

That doesn’t mean that they couldn’t have been two men in love, but once Cap knows he’s safe and protected—meaning, he’s allowed to make a “full” mental and emotional recovery without further exploitation—Cap doesn’t worry or obsess over Bucky. Bucky was on the way to regaining agency and independence and that’s all that cap wanted.

Once Bucky looks happy and healthy when they see each other again, cap goes to treated him like he did in first avenger.

And I fill that this must be pointed out: some friends do go above and beyond for people who 1. Have mental illnesses, no systems in place to assist them, and no advocates other than them 2. Someone who has been harmed/manipulated/exploited, is triggered, and potentially down spiraling. 3. PTSD.

Steve is being a damn good friend and advocate to/for Bucky.

With that being said, some don’t feel that stucky was going to be canon, but that the MCU went out of its way to prove Steve was straight. As a reminder, the Steve and Peggy thread has been CONSISTENT since day one. Since Sharon failed, they wanted to find a love interest for Steve’s endgame, no pun intended. Personally, I think that they went Natasha/Steve because Natasha/Bruce doesn’t work. I understand Natasha and Steve has a great friendship for the “why can’t men and women be friends” crowd, but Natasha also has other male friends, sooo....

To use Star Wars as an example again, this isn’t Poe and Keri Russell’s character who exists solely to prove Poe is STRAIGHT.

Peggy was never created to be someone who existed to prove Steve’s sexuality, but she was someone he was in love with and never stopped loving. She was someone that we knew Steve loved deeply and could never get over.

I know people feel that Steve going back undermines his values both in the comics and the series, which I fee is valid. But, honestly, Steve has spent a good chunk of protecting others and putting his life on the line. We see many of the other avengers be in relationships, have families, and overall fulling lives and Steve just has the avengers.

Which isn’t a bad thing in and of itself, but he’s allowed to want more than that. His life shouldn’t be dictated by if he can be of service to others.

Steve didn’t “abandon” anyone. Most of the avengers are adults who don’t need Steve. He may have been the leader, but anyone in the group can be the leader. There are other heroes.

And Bucky doesn’t need him.

Bucky understand all that cap went through and sacrificed. He doesn’t need cap to always near and hold his hand. That’s not how friendships work. That’s not how families work or, at least, healthy ones.

I’m fine with people who ship stucky, but this animosity against Steggy and Peggy is ridiculous. No movie or show owes you an open ending so you can ship who you want. From what I can recall, there was no canonical queerbaiting (I believe Chris Evans supported both ships, but I think Steggy more). And Peggy isn’t some random woman or a woman he knew for three seconds, she was important to him and their relationship meaningful to him for the rest of his life.