#i mean Niamh wasn’t lying

[pernillecfcw]

Omg hahah poor wieke 😭 I mean Niamh wasn’t lying 😂

[flemingsfreckles]

Morning After

Synopsis: you wake up to a cold bed and find your girlfriend outside reading (aka I found that middle photo of Jessie from months ago and this was my first little blurb idea)

Warnings: suggestive, that’s it

WC: 1.3k just a little guy 🤏

A/N: I’m having big time lack of motivation and writers block recently, this came about when I was cleaning out my camera roll solely because of that photo. I might try to do more short, 1-1.5k pieces to see if that helps get some creative juice back.

You have no idea what time it is when you roll over and squint at the harsh bright light coming in through the window. Turning over you expect to see a pair of brown eyes and a freckled face, instead you get an empty pillow. Sure it was a little disappointing not getting to see your girlfriend’s beautiful face first thing in the morning, but it wasn’t unusual. You had slept over before and Jessie was an early riser, she’d be up before you, cooking breakfast or making a coffee. But part of you had just expected after the night the two of you shared that she’d be lying next to you when you woke up.

You walk out of the bedroom, Jessie’s shirt across your chest and a pair of her sleep shorts around your waist. Unsure if Niamh was home yet you scan the hallway before heading out into the living room. Niamh knew about you and Jessie but you’d make yourself more presentable if she was home. That’s when you find Jessie, she’s sitting outside on the balcony. The door is cracked and you can feel the cool morning air coming inside. She’s sitting in a chair, her back to you. You can see her curls resting on the back of her neck, the black hoodie she’s wearing, she’s looking down toward her lap.

As you walk further into the room you’re able to take in more of the sight of your girlfriend, she’s reading, a book clasped between her hands, a pen and notepad on the table. Also on the table is a cup of what you could assume to be her morning coffee and her water bottle. She looked peaceful, just enjoying the morning sun and her book, you almost didn’t want to disturb her.

And while you didn’t want to disturb her at the same time you did, you wanted to take the book out of her hands and drag her back to bed where the two of you could cuddle, skin on skin, gentle touches across each other's arms and backs, soft kisses all while fighting the urge to fall asleep in her arms again.

You take another step while still debating if you wait for her to notice you or if you say something and pull her attention away from her book. The floorboard makes the decision for you, creeping loudly as you shift your weight onto it. Jessie’s head whips around. When she sees you she smiles and closes the book in front of her.

“Good morning.” She’s still sitting looking at you through the cracked door.

“Good morning.” You try to fight the overwhelming urge to grin like an idiot at her. You can feel the start of a blush rising on your cheeks, you look to the floor.

“How’d you sleep?” Jessie asks.

“Good, you?”

“Also good, sorry I didn’t mean to leave you alone in bed, just I woke up an hour or so ago, I knew if I stayed in bed I’d just want to wake you up.”

“It’s okay, I wasn’t worried.” It’s true you weren’t, maybe in other relationships, waking up to an empty bed after sharing your bodies for the first time the night before would have made you nervous, not with Jessie. You hadn’t expected her to be far, maybe in the kitchen, maybe on a run, at the store, but you knew she wouldn’t have left completely. You had a different level of trust with her.

“Good.”

When you don’t respond, unsure of what to say to the girl, she stands up, pushing in her chair and makes her way to stand next to you, the floorboard creaking again as her weight moves on it. She reaches to grasp your hand with her own, gently playing with your fingers.

“I had a really good time last night.” She says softly, trying to make eye contact with you, your eyes choosing to look at where her hand held yours. Watching the way her fingers soothed over your own while keeping your eyes off of her.

“Me too.” You feel the blush growing and the flutter of your stomach start. You and Jessie had been officially together for a few months and much to Niamh and your teammates annoyance, pinning over each other for years before that. Everyday she made your head spin and your heart jump. From the simple things like a sweet good morning kiss when she’d pick you up for training, or when she’d put her hand on your thigh while driving, how she’d wink at you across the pitch when no one else saw. You were completely infatuated with the woman.

Last night the two of you were able to explore the extent of your physical relationship, Niamh finally being away for a few days, leaving Jessie’s place to be empty, giving you and Jessie the perfect excuse to finally fall into bed together for different reasons than sleep. It had been sweet, soft, and slow with Jessie and she had left you blushing and red cheeked for more reasons than one last night.

“Do you want coffee? Tea? Food?” Jessie released your hand and walked toward the kitchen.

“Coffee would be nice.” You followed her into the kitchen watching as she grabbed coffee out of the cabinet before moving over to another cabinet to grab you a mug. She turned her back to you and headed over to start the coffee maker. You stand, leaning against the counter as you watch her move around. She catches your eye every few moments making you both give sheepish smiles. After a few fleeting glances Jessie comes up to you, gently placing her hands on your face and bringing your lips to hers.

The sigh she lets out when your lips connect has a flash of heat running through you, all too reminiscent of your evening last night. Jessie’s hands come to your back before gently making their way down to your butt before she breaks the kiss to move her hands to the backs of your thighs. “Jump.”

You do as she says and next thing you know your thighs are coming into contact with the cold countertop as Jessie lifts you onto it. You lean down to connect your lips again, missing the feeling. When you pull away Jessie is looking up at you, wide eyed and smiling.

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

“Can I tell you a secret?” Jessie’s pulling you down slightly so that she can whisper in your ear.

“Yeah.” You turn, putting your lips against her ear, whispering back.

You hear Jessie take a shaky breath before she exhales and speaks at the same time. “I love you.”

You hear the words and immediately pull back to look at her face, only this time it’s her who’s shying away, tucking her head into your chest. You gently pull on her chin, trying to get her to look at you but she stays firm, fighting your grasp to keep her face buried into you.

“Jessie.” She doesn’t budge. “Babe.” You give her another gentle push, this time she gives in pulling back from you. Her cheeks are red, a look of worry across her face, her eyes glued to your lap. You lean into her, tilting her chin up to put your lips against her ear. “I love you.” You whisper back to her.

“Yeah?” Jessie looks up at you, you can practically see the relief wash over her body, her shoulders releasing their tension, a smile finding its way to her lips.

“Yeah, I love you.” You confess to her before leaning down to give her a quick kiss.

“I love you.” She says it again, making both of you smile. You sit for a moment, letting the reality sink in, you were in love with her and she was in love with you. It’s then that you look over and see the long abandoned coffee beans.

“I’d maybe love you more if you made me that coffee.”

[ihatecoconut]

to the newsies

“Ok.” Katherine was standing on someone’s bed and waving her hands to get everyone’s attention. “Listen up idiots.”

Jack made an offended noise.

“Not you, Crutchie, you’re an angel and we’re glad you’re here.”

“You know,” Race said, kind of lazily from where he was sprawled out across the floor, “If someone had asked me when I first started remembering you guys who I thought would quote memes, my answer would not have been Kathy.”

There was laughter and agreement. Even Davey, who Race was pretty sure still felt out of place in their group despite having been there in the last century and now, laughed at that and made a comment about how he, personally, would have said Race.

“Are you listening or not?” Katherine demanded, once the noise had died back down,

“Yeah, babe,” Sarah called, “we’re listening.”

Katherine took a moment to smile lovingly down at her girlfriend. “Thank you, now, as I am sure you are all aware it is nearly 120 years since our successful strike!”

Apparently, most of the people in the lodging-house turned boy’s home were not aware of this fact, as the room erupted into shouts and confusion, most of the old newsies cheering at the fact that their impact had lasted that long, while others were just expressing their shock at how long it had been.

“In fact!” Katherine continued over the noise, “It will be exactly 120 years on Saturday!”

“What d’ya wanna do about it, Ace?” Jack called back.

“I think,” she replied at a more normal volume since the room had quietened back down to hear what she had to say, “that we should go on some sort of outing to visit everywhere that was important to us last time.”

“That’s really sweet.” Davey said, sounding a little surprised. “I like it.”

“Thank you.”

“Ok, it’s a fun idea,” Spot objected, “but I’m not walking all the way around New York, and I can’t afford the metro.”

“You used to walk all the way around New York,” someone near the back pointed out,

“And further.” Another voice added.

“I’ll pay for it.” Katherine announced, before Spot could get up and work out who was mocking him- she could see it was the twins from her vantage point but wasn’t about to tell him that- “It’ll be fun!”

There were a few other mumbled complaints, enough people were working Saturday that it was agreed they would move it to Sunday instead, and the group split at their normal time to return home- if they didn’t live at Kloppman’s- with their futures looking happy.

*

“Where do you think Kath’ll take us?” Les asked once they had dropped off those who lived at Denton’s and were continuing back to their own house.

“Newsies Square, to start with,” Sarah said, “I mean that’s the most obvious, right?”

Davey nodded, “I’d say the lodging house but most of them already live there, so maybe some selling spots?”

“That place we used to go for water?” Les suggested,

“Jacobi’s.” Davey provided absent mindedly, “Probably, that was where we kind of met her for the first time.”

“Brooklyn as well,” Sarah suggested, “For Spot and Racer, and because that was where she used to live.”

Davey nodded again, “I’m sure she’s got a plan, you know Kath, she’s organised like that.”

*

“Hey.” Race’s voice came through the phone as soon as Spot hit the answer button.

“Hey yourself, what’s up?” He found himself smiling as he rolled over to look at his boyfriend through the screen- they had only put that label on themselves recently and it still gave Spot an odd floaty feeling whenever he said or thought it.

“Just wanted to talk,” Race replied, grinning back and mirroring his position, lying down with the phone propped up next to him, “what d’ya think of Kath’s idea?”

“I like it.”

“You like it?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?”

Race paused, rubbing his nose like he did when he was nervous- it was a gesture that had replaced putting a cigar in his mouth and chewing it- “Hotshot said you still haven’t been back to Brooklyn.”

“So?”

“Well, Kath’s probably gonna take us to Brooklyn…”

Spot rolled onto his back, careful not to upset how he had positioned his phone, so Race could still see him, “Yeah, I know that.” He snapped, and then winced, not meaning to sound as harsh,

“And you’re ok?” Race prompted gently,

“I am.” He said, a little surprised at how true the word were, “I don’t like going to Brooklyn with Hotshot because I don’t feel like their king anymore and they want me to stay in that position…” He glanced over, seeing Race looking at him with nothing but understanding, “I ain’t him anymore.”

“Who are you then?”

“I’m Spot Conlon, I’m your boyfriend, I’m Denton’s kid, I’m Niamh’s brother, I’m…” He trailed off, about to say that he was a newsie, but that wasn’t quite true anymore.

“A newsie?” Race offered, “Because we still are, even if we don’t sell papes anymore.”

“Yeah, I’m a newsie. And I’m a dancer.”

Race laughed from the other end of the call, “Not as good a dancer as me.”

“Nobody’s as good as you, babe.”

*

“Hey, Jack?”

“What’s up, kid?” Jack asked, shifting over so Albert could fit in next to him.

“Do you think that Kath’s idea is a good one?”

“Yeah, of course, why?”

He shrugged, unhelpfully, “Don’t know. Do you think she’ll take us to the cemetery?”

Jack realised almost immediately what was troubling Albert- there were many cemeteries in New York city, but only one where both of Albert’s mothers (this time and last time) had been buried, Albert himself had been buried there as well, last time. Jack was pretty certain that the only person that had seen it, beside Albert himself of course, was Race.

“Do you want to go to the cemetery?” He asked, trying to keep his voice neutral.

There was a pause and then Albert nodded, firmly, “Yes, I do.” He nodded again, red hair flopping about as if he was trying to convince both of them of this fact.

“Ok, then I’ll text her and make sure it’s on her agenda.”

“Thanks, Cowboy.”

“No problem, you gonna sleep here or back in your own bed?”

“Back in my own bed,” Albert replied, looking a little offended that Jack would think he needed that, “I’m not a little kid anymore.”

“Sure kid,” Jack laughed, dodging the pillow Albert proceeded to try and hit him with.

“We’re the same age!”

*

Sunday actually dawned bright and clear, despite the weather forecasts suggesting that it would rain all week.

Denton woke up everyone in his household- Hotshot, Smalls, Tommy Boy and Spot who lived there, and Sniper and Race who had stayed over- at just gone eight in the morning, resulting in six grumpy teenagers around the table at nine, fully dressed and eating breakfast.

“Alright,” he said as they were just about to leave, ignoring the way Spot groaned ‘not again’, “New York isn’t the best city ever, stay safe, listen to Katherine, don’t loose your money and keep phones out of the reach of pickpockets, everything clear?”

There was a dull chorus of “Yes Denton.” And he finally released them to make the trek across to Kloppman’s.

The Jacobs were already there when they arrived, making polite conversation with Kloppman, and drinking the coffee he provided, the coffee which Race immediately ran for after taking off his shoes. Kloppman simply shook his head at that- very used to Race’s antics after two lives of dealing with him- and gestured towards the cereal and other breakfast foods.

“We already ate,” Smalls told him, “And we already got a safety briefing from Denton before you do it too.”

Kloppman smiled at her, “I wouldn’t dream of telling you to be safe- Cowboy’d just ignore it anyway.”

As if on cue, Jack came stumbling down the stairs, thankfully fully dressed, and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, “I thought I heard people down here.” He said, plopping down at the table and pouring a bowl of cereal, “No Kath yet?”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Davey scolded slightly, “And, to answer your question, no we haven’t seen Kath yet.”

“She just texted me,” Sarah said, looking as disgusted as her brother at Jack’s eating habits, “She’s on her way, should be about ten minutes.”

Jack opened his mouth to speak, saw the looks on the twins’ faces, shut it, swallowed and then spoke, “I guess that means we’ve got ten minutes to wake everyone else up.”

Very soon after, the house descended into chaos as those of them who had been awake proceeded to move through the bedrooms, each using their own method to wake those unfortunate souls who were hoping to sleep in. Their unorthodox methods worked, however, and they were all packed into the kitchen when Kath arrived, the girls from Medda’s who had not slept at Denton’s with her.

“Let’s do this!” She announced to the kitchen, waving her list of places to visit, and- as if they had been awake for hours instead of mere minutes- everyone in the kitchen cheered loudly, shoving past each other to grab shoes and bags and anything else they had decided they needed for the day.

Davey had been right, the first stop on Kath’s itemised list was, in fact, Newsies’ Square. It had changed a lot since they had bought papers now, and their school was the building that had once been Pulitzer’s. The yard where Wiesel and the Delanceys had sold the papers was now the open area for the high school, and the buildings around had been modernised, re-painted or simply knocked down and rebuilt. The statue that Jack had climbed on to announce the beginning of their strike wasn’t there anymore, replaced with a small fountain. It was a little disappointing, but as most of them went to school there, they knew what had happened.

“Ey, Jack.” Race called, “Dare you to do your strike speech again.”

Jack waved him off, laughing among the calls for him to do it, and turned to Kath instead, “What’s next?”

Katherine just smiled mysteriously and led the way out. As it turned out, she had somehow managed to work out where each of their selling spots had been- everyone had their own spot in the 1890s, selling spots had been as much a part of newsies politics as their hierarchy within each borough. This part was much more popular than Newsies’ Square, with a few people actually crying when they saw the place they had spent their entire childhood last time. Some spots were almost the same as they had been a century ago, others had been built over and some had been a little destroyed, but they were instantly recognisable.

When they reached Jack, Davey and Les’ selling spot, Kath stopped again and consulted her list.

“We not going to Brooklyn now?” Race asked, “The rest of us sold there.”

“Later,” she reassured him, “I thought we’d do all of Manhattan first.”

“Alright,” Race said, apparently happy with her organisation, “Lead the way.”

*

They stopped at Jacobi’s for lunch, and unlike other parts of their history, this was a place that hadn’t changed- even Jacobi still ran the place, even if he didn’t seem to remember them, and he was as warm, fond, and utterly baffling as he had been before. The food hadn’t changed, even if the prices had adjusted with inflation, and they crowded around a table that wasn’t designed to hold that many people- Les sat under the table as he had always done when they had used it as a meeting house in the past, joined by a few other younger ones- but they made it work, sharing chairs and sitting on each other’s laps.

Davey found himself sitting on Jack’s lap, much to the amusement of his siblings, and managed to keep his blushing under control- they were still navigating their relationship in the 21st Century, it was different to the secret kissing in alleyways that they had done before- and despite being slightly too crowded, a little bit too warm and a little embarrassed, Davey was almost certain that nothing could ever be as perfect as it was just then.

Race danced on the table for them once lunch was finished, accompanied by a few others playing spoons. A few other customers laughed and clapped once they were done, but most of them gave the newsies looks that had them clearing out as soon as Katherine paid the bill, spilling out onto the street and laughingly mocking the lady who had told them they were ‘utterly uncivilized’.

Spot had an arm around Race’s waist in a possessive gesture that he never would have normally done, Jack had grabbed Davey’s hand as they had shoved past the younger ones to get out the door, and he could see others- Blink and Mush, Smalls and Sniper- also moving into gentle couples’ poses. The 21st Century had been good for all of them; there was enough food in their stomachs and they never had to worry about where their next meal was coming from, and they were all more open, more free than they had been when bound to the strict societal positions of the late 19th Century.

“Now,” Katherine said, beaming, “We go to Brooklyn!”

Racer and Hotshot both cheered; Spot didn’t, but his faced creased up into a smile that was very rarely seen, and the group of them followed after Kath.

*

It was nearly six in the evening when they finished, the group of them collapsing onto the grass in Prospect Park, a large tangle of limbs and happiness.

“Hey,” Spot said quietly into Katherine’s ear, having ended up right next to her, “thanks for this.”

She smiled back, “You’re welcome. I thought we might need this.”

He nodded and lay back down on his back, staring up at the clouds which were floating slowly overhead, a contrast to the hectic movement that their day had been.

“Kathy,” Jack said, leaning over Spot and Race, “we’ve still got one more stop, yeah?”

She nodded, “Back in Manhattan, yeah. We’ll rest first.”

Jack nodded in response, ignoring the puzzled looks that Race and Spot gave him, and pointing upwards at one of the clouds Spot had been watching. “That one looks like a fish.”

*

They left the younger ones- middle school and under- at the lodging house before they made their way to the final stop. The chatter from those who were still there died down as they approached the graveyard, nobody asked why they were there- Albert was leading and that gave most of them a good idea of what was happening. Davey and Sarah were confused, but they were polite enough not to ask.

“Trinity Church Cemetery.” Davey read as they went under the archway, still not asking questions, just stating facts.

“Trinity Church Cemetery.” Albert echoed from the front, as he moved through the stones, stepping towards a few small ones near the back. The rest of them followed him, fanning out behind him as he came a stop in front of a small plot of land that housed the DaSilva family- all generations of them, despite the fact that there were only a few marked graves.

He touched a small wooden cross first- obviously weathered and damaged by years of wind and rain- and then traced his fingers over the words on the small stone to the left of it. Race knelt down next to him, one hand sliding around Albert’s shoulders and pulling him into his side.

“His mother.” Jack said quietly, squeezing Davey’s hand unconsciously. “And from this life too.”

Katherine stepped forwards then, a few flowers in hand and placed them on the two graves. Albert smiled, a watery smile, but a smile none the less and they stood as a group until he turned back to the entrance.

“Thank you.” He said once they were back out on the street, “For coming with me.”

“Anything you need.” Davey replied, sliding an arm around him in a similar, but much more paternal way than Race had done. “We’re here for you.”

*

Someone had ordered pizza to the lodging house once they got back, Les and Crutchie had apparently made sure to save some for them, and they dug in with the expected vigour of teenagers who had been walking around all day.

Sarah climbed up onto the bed that Katherine had used only a few days prior to announce her idea and tapped a teaspoon against the coffee mug she was holding. “Attention, please.”

They all turned to her, some still eating, but all listening.

“I want to thank Katherine for taking us out on this trip. I think we all needed it.”

“To Katherine!” Blink shouted, raising his glass, and the rest of the room echoed him, accompanied by the clinking of glasses and mug knocking together.

Sarah climbed back down to sit between her brother and her girlfriend. “To the newsies.”

They both smiled at her, “To the newsies.”

[liliumlies]

An Awful Waste | Arthur | Re: Julia, Parian, Auguste, Niamh, Sunny

At first, Arthur doesn't say anything because there's nothing left to say. Eventually he lifts a hand to his ear, as though to rest his head against it, and simply watches the others speak, but none of the votes change back and by the time Mother raises her hand the outcome is already clear for anyone who's been paying attention.

Seeing the whole morbid affair played out in Rago's crystals brings no satisfaction. It's almost exactly as Arthur had already guessed, and part of him wishes it wasn't. Another part wishes he could reach through, somehow, and stop it. Warn Balera how dangerous Hecate was - as if she would've listened. Offer her help, as if she would've taken it. Tell her not to kill Nevron, that it wouldn't help Leaf, that it would only make things worse for both of them...

If either of them had made a different choice at any stage, everything might have changed.

There's little point in saying anything now, and yet some of the others persist, and he's so... so tired. Exhaustion drags at him. Arthur presses his hands over his face and breathes, for several long seconds, struggles to regain some ability to bear the unbearable.

"No." He says finally, letting his hands fall again, and there's no hostility in his voice, no anger, nothing. Blank-faced and toneless, he looks at Julia and shakes his head slightly. "No, it is not the same. I am sorry for this, whether that is believed or not, but it is different. Many of us did not even know what this Rite would mean, when we accepted our invitations. Some of us understood there would be a risk of death, but not like this. Some of us did not even know that much. But Bungle and Leaf made it entirely clear from the start that they knew, that they expected the rest of us to know as well. They even mocked us for it. 

They knew the risks when they came to participate in this Rite. They made that choice. And Leaf knew the risk when she chose to trade Charlotte's life for Bungle's. There was no trial looming over her then, no threat of punishment forcing her to choose. Then Bungle made a choice as well - she had seen us spare someone before, but she still decided to take another life, and for what? Even if she did not trust us, she could have changed the scene around Charlotte, she could have framed herself for that murder without committing another. Instead she added another death to the toll, fully aware of what that could mean, knowing every second she did so that she would be throwing away the life that Leaf stole for her, and it is so... wrong. All of it. Charlotte and Nevron's lives were not worth less than theirs, either, and yet would you say that was a fair trade? People's lives are not interchangeable. I do not want them to die, but it was not right to ask everyone to risk our lives for them either. There was no completely right answer here."

Arthur closes his eyes, his hands resting on his knees now. And he breathes out, a slow, empty sigh.

"I do not know if the reward would save Auguste, but I do know that he is not lying about his condition. He is dying. He has been dying this entire time. I have a treatment, but it takes weeks, and I lost a significant amount of chances to use it during the punishment. If we were punished that way again then... it may have been too late. And there is someone else with a condition that the reward may cure. Dog-Head is also suffering, and whatever you may think of them, or of Niamh, I am not comfortable with the idea of condemning them to suffer and possibly die. Can anyone truly justify denying potential cures to two more people? Will you make all of this death for nothing? Will you allow more death to happen, out of spite or some sense of moral purity? We did not force Bungle or Leaf to kill, we did not agree to even have a trial, and we did not decide that the punishment for being voted guilty would be death - the Goddess is doing that. But this is something we truly can decide. The fairest thing to do would be to ask Charlotte and Nevron what to do with the reward, they are the victims here, but we cannot do that. So instead, consider that this is a way we can choose to save people without risking others. It is not a moral conundrum. It is two more possible deaths that we can prevent at no cost to ourselves."

[mummytoamelia]

Now For The Truly Ugly...

To all the mums that say their pregnancy was amazing...you’re lying! 

The second half of my pregnancy was by far the worst... both physically and mentally! Why did women do this to themselves, on purpose?! I used to ask myself a lot while I was struggling to put on my own socks by myself! 

I was now at the point of pregnancy where my tummy, now resembled a large beach ball, doing anything from putting on socks to getting up the stairs to go for a pee was an Olympic sport, that I think I deserved a gold medal for! 

At the beginning of the second half of my pregnancy, I hit the “oh shit” phase, it had started to hit me, the magnitude of the situation I was in, in not too long I would be actually pushing a whole ass body out of my hooha...I was less than excited about this bit, to say the least! 

In the middle of prepping and planning, worrying and wondering, I was also going through, what proved to be THE WORST break up of my life. Now I’m not talking about breaking up with my partner, I think I would have been able to handle that better than this. I’m talking about a best friend break up, and if any of you have ever gone through that, you’ll know what I mean when I say, that shit hurts a million times more than a romantic breakup! 

I had woken up one morning and I can’t remember now what I had wanted to tell her, but I assume it was something funny, I tried to contact her through snapchat, which was what we spoke on most of the time... ‘pending, the username, that I won’t include for privacy reasons, will receive your snap when they add you as a friend’ “what?” I remember thinking to myself, has she made a new sc and deleted this one? So I went to Facebook instead and tried to send her a message...she had deleted me there too. At this point I was really confused and as I wasn’t blocked I could still send her a message, and so I did, venting how angry and frustrated I was about the situation. 

I know we had drifted in the months leading up to this, but I genuinely didn’t think it was so bad that she had to cut me out of her life totally. The message I then received in return broke my heart, I read and read and re read what she had said over and over and over...trying to make sense of it. She was hurt by something I could see that, but I got no warning. No text. Nothing. She just cut me out without an explanation. I felt as though someone was stabbing me in the heart. My head was spinning and my tummy was doing flips...was I really about to loose someone that I put so much of my love into? My hands were shaking and I could barley hold my phone steady, tears splashing onto my phone screen “I can’t loose someone else, not right now, not like this, please don’t do this to me Niamh” I remember sobbing into my knees, trying to find a way around it in my head. What had I done? Why was this necessary, up until this point, I really hadn’t done anything wrong. I was totally devastated. 

A little bit of background is needed here, this girl, aside from my boyfriend, was my life. We were like sticky plasters from the day and hour we met, we did pretty much everything together, down to being pregnant at the same time. One of us got a hair cut, so did the other. One dyed their hair, so did the other. Tea dates. Nights out. Days in. The love I had then, and still have for her now, is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. People say you can find a soul mate in friends as well as lovers. She is the other half of my soul in another body! 

Head still reeling from the message I just received, I reacted...badly, out of anger, out of spite and pure frustration. I said things to her that I am not proud of and that I doubt I will ever forgive myself for, and although they weren’t nice, it was coming from a place of deep hurt. I’m not going to copy and paste the he said she said here, as those discussions are between the two of us, and I have since come to realise, not everything needs to be shared. She had broken my heart in a way I never imagined anyone could, and if I’m honest I wanted her to feel what I was feeling. Looking back on it now, it was childish and ridiculously immature... but that is how I felt in the moment. 

As the days went on, and time continued, every time I did something, I lifted my phone to tell her, and it was in those moments, that it hit me how much I had lost...every time I saw something funny and went to tag her and realised all over again she had blocked me, each time was like a fresh stabbing. Every new milestone I hit with my pregnancy, all I wanted to do was to tell her. I so badly wanted her to continue to be a part of my life. It was so hard to picture my life without her, now that we had grown so close. But that was what I had to do, for almost two years. 

I found myself scrolling through all of our photos and crying, I did a lot of crying in those first few months of trying to come to terms with everything, I found it super hard, trying to imagine my life without this girl. We had so many plans, for our future for our babies, just in general, and it had all been wiped away within minutes. It’s hard trying to find ways around talking to the only person you actually spoke to every day, I found myself being really bored and asking a lot of what if’s or why’s. 

As time went on, I gradually got to an okay place, I was feeling good, I had learned to let her go, and although I missed her, although I desperately missed the companionship, of the only other person that got me, I was getting used to not being someone she loved anymore (Lewis Capaldi eat your heart out). 

Flash forward to where I am now, and time has moved on, rapidly, and I can now say after a long break, Niamh and I are finally getting back to where we used to be. We have both accepted that our lives are totally different now and nothing will ever be the same. We are getting there. We planned a coffee date, a chance to air everything out and to make amends in person. She had gone to toilet in the food court, she’d texted me so I walked towards it and ended up running straight into her! We awkward chatted for about 5 minutes as we walked towards costa, my fav location, and ironically the place I found out I was pregnant, I had so many good memories of this place, with this girl. We ordered our drinks and sat down...I felt so nervous. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach, I actually felt the way I did the first time Thomas and I met up! Then she started to speak to me, about Emily, and her life, how she was getting on and how much had changed, and then proceeded to spill her tea over the table...I could feel the smile stretch across my face, this was exactly the same girl, she hadn’t changed and I still loved her like she was my own sister, all of the nervousness faded away and we chatted for what seemed like forever. 

As She drove me home I couldn’t help but remember the last time she did this, I was telling her about being pregnant. SO much has changed since then but yet we were still the same people...two halves of a whole idiot! She came in for a cuppa. I got Amelia back from her nanny, she got to meet my daughter and our little babies played together... in that moment my heart was so happy, I had my soul mate back and was I fuck giving her up for anything! 

Throughout the rest of my pregnancy, I developed what’s known as Cholestasis, which for the simple minded like myself, is a liver dysfunction, in which all the toxins that should be taken out of my body are pumped back into it... potentially causing harm to the baby! 

It took many...MANY, visits to both A&E and foetal assessment, trying different antihistamines and steroid creams before they finally decided I needed to be induced. I was sat in the consultants room as he was out speaking with medical professionals I assume. I thought I was only there to receive the results of yet another set of bloods. The doctor came back in and was like “Yes, so you’ll be induced on Saturday.” SATURDAY?! As in THREE days from now?! In that moment I have  never shit myself more! We still had 2 weeks left before she was due! I only thought I was ready for her arrival at this point! I remember walking out to the corridor trembling, we would have our little baby in our arms this time next week, this time four days even! I didn't know if I was nervous, excited or shitting myself...probably all 3 tbh! 

If you have ever done a plank in your life, you will know how long a minute is...imagine the wait, for those final 3 days, when I knew I would have my little baby! I was never particularly nervous about my labour, as I was very much of the mindset, as long as I get an epidural, I don’t exactly have a plan...whatever happens, happens. I hadn’t ever really allowed myself to think about it, and in hindsight I’m glad I looked at it that way because I think it made my labour pretty successful (minus a few minor things). 

The day before I was due to be induced the joiners had just finished putting the tiles on our brand new kitchen ( that’s a story in itself). So that night Thomas’s mum, sisters, aunty and cousin came round to help give it a clean down from all the dust they left behind. They helped organise the cupboards and put everything back into place, I say they helped, I didn't actually do anything I watched as they all bustled about our home helping organise it for me.

That night I couldn’t sleep, I tossed and turned till around 4am. Realising I wasn’t going to get much sleep, either due to nerves or excitement I came down stairs and did what I always do when I can’t settle myself...put the kettle on! Dressing gown on. Tea in hand, I sat on the sofa and decided I was going to knit a hat. Hayley ( Thomas’s sister) and I had spent much of the evening before trying to figure out how to do a purl stitch and neither of us could get it right and I was determined to do it! So that’s what I did, the night before I went in to have my baby, I knitted a tiny hat, that wouldn’t fit much more than a dolls head! 

The Saturday that I got induced rolled around after so much waiting and anticipation, by myself, Thomas and his family! They were excited I was straight bricking it at this point. We had the baby’s bag packed, we had my hospital bag packed, filled with all the things that I was told I would definitely need...which I definitely did not need! Everything was loaded into the car, myself included, and off we set for the hospital. It was weird knowing that the next time I was in my house, I would be carrying a tiny baby! 

We arrived at 8am, and I got signed it, they did all of their checks on me and then attached the trace...again! They had to monitor the baby for half an hour before they could administer the pessary. So Thomas and I sat and discussed what our life would be like when we got home, how scary giving birth was going to be and how excited, but also terrified we were to be raising a mini us! Half past 8 came round pretty quick and the nurse came back and ran me through how an induction works. First the pessary will be inserted, to loosen the cervix, and hopefully contractions start on their own, if not I will need to be put on a drip to help it along, but the main goal was to try make my body go into labour by itself. 

She left and asked me to take the bottom half of my clothes off so she could insert the pessary. It was quite uncomfortable to be done, but it wasn’t sore, just a lil awkward to have a random person poking about in your hooha! I’d say it took little more than a few minutes to put in, and then it was just waiting after that...a whole lot of waiting. Around lunch time Hayley and Hannah came to visit me to see how I was getting on and it was good because it meant I could walk about. They were both so excited that the baby would be here so soon! I had to get the trace put on every 2 hours for half an hour to monitor if anything was happening, so I had to head back to the ward for them to do that. 

Later on that evening Thomas’s mum, other sister, aunty and Edie came in to see me and just chat, hoping for the best. By this stage I was getting a wee bit fed up waiting and nothing was happening. It was uncomfortable to walk and sitting down was quite sore because of the nurse’s poking about so I decided to back to the ward and try to sleep for a little bit, I knew I wasn’t going to get much sleep through the process of labour so I thought trying to now, would be my best bet. I didn’t think I had slept long but I guess I must have because the next time I saw a clock it was around half 10 and Thomas was getting ready to head home, he had to go at 11 unfortunately. So I said goodbye to him and told him he better answer his phone if I go into labour, and so he left. 

Around half 11 the tale of the pessary had fallen out and when I went to pee the whole thing fell out so I said to the midwife who was now on at the time, her name was Laura and she was so lovely! So she told me to ay down that she would need to put another one in. So I did, and this time it was painful, kind of like a sharp shooting pain, but it didn’t last for any more than a few minutes. Laura told me that I shouldn't have been able to feel the pessary at all, nor should I have been able to see it, which meant that it wasn’t inserted correctly the first time. She asked me how I was feeling and if I had a birth plan that I would like her to follow, and I told her as long as I have an epidural and can get the baby out, I would be fine. She showed me were the nurse button was on the wall if anything happened and to call her straight away. 

So I lay down to watched Netflix, waiting for something to happen. About an hour passed and I began to feel little cramps which I just assumed were the baby moving about, I was hit by a massive urge to pee, so I waddled to the toilet, and this was THE most painful pee I think I have ever had! By this point I had changed into the night dress I wanted to give birth in because I knew it was comfy and I wasn't going to be too restricted in it. 

On my return to my bed, I began to get shooting pains, that I was later told was in fact contractions, I had just assumed they would be extremely painful from the start so I didn't think much of it. I began to pace back and forward on the ward, and as I was the only one there I had the space to do it. The contractions became more frequent as I could only get halfway down the ward before another one hit, so I tried to bounce on the ball I had been given, to which I found I couldn't even sit down. I instead tried to lie on the bed and that was even worse, this went on for about an hour of me trying to find a way to be comfortable that wasn’t painful. Eventually I gave in and pressed the nurse button. By this point I was almost in tears, the contractions were getting really painful. 

Laura came to me and offered me pain killers and I said to give it half an hour and if they don’t do anything to press the button again. So up an down I paced for half an hour, not even making it half way down the ward before a contraction hit. When it got to the point that I couldn’t stand up straight, I hit the button again and Laura came down to me. She asked me to get onto the bed so that she could examine me, through tears I was saying I couldn’t do it, it was too painful, she offered me the gas and air and said that I had to get on the bed cause she needed to examine how far along I was. I knew the gas was going to make me feel sick, but I also knew I had to see how far I was, so I took the gas, and it hit, instantly. My whole body relaxed and Laura was able to examine me fairly quickly, she was fit to tell me that I was 4cm, “You’re about 4cm along, I will need to go and get the delivery room ready for you.” All I could think about was stopping myself from being sick, Laura headed up the ward to get my labour suit ready and I waddled as fast as I could to the bathroom and threw up, as I knew I would with the gas, but after that I was fine with it, I came back to the bed and sat puffing away at the gas until Laura came back. 

At this point I had totally forgotten to ring Thomas, so when Laura came back she helped me off the bed and aske if I wanted to ring him to get him to come in. So I rang him...voicemail “ Why do you never answer when it’s important” I remember saying to the phone, I rang him again and this time he did answer “It’s happening, I’m 4cm gone they're taking me to the delivery room, you need to come in now!” I said to him “Omg, okay, I’ll be as quick as I can!” I hung up, and Laura helped me waddle just down the hall to the delivery suit. 

After what seemed like 3 seconds, but was actually about 20 minutes, I heard Thomas come into the delivery room, I had to turn to look at him as I was leaning over the bed backwards trying to be comfortable with just the gas. Laura said to me “Do you want to face the other way while I examine you? It might be easier that way?” all I could do was nod, so she helped me manoeuvre round, to a semi comfortable position. “ Oh my, you’re 6cm now! Almost time to push!” to which I responded with, “Can I have an epidural now, I don’t want to feel any of it!” Laura reassured me that I was going to have one, I just needed to wait on the results of my bloods coming back first and that it would only take half an hour. This was at 2am, the bloods in fact took 3 hours to come back and by the time they did I was at 8cm, but it felt like minutes had passed. 

The anaesthetist came in and ran me through all of the safety precautions he had to take before administering the epidural, most of which I really wasn’t listening to all I heard was “ if you move while I do it, you could end up paralysed” He then gave me anaesthetic to numb where he was putting the big fuck off needle and before I knew it, it was done. I was convinced that it hadn’t worked and that it needed to be stronger because I could still feel the sensation of the contraction, which I thought at the time was pain. Laura filled a glove with cold water and was patting it on my legs saying “Can you feel this?” I was saying “Yeah I can, I think I need more of the epidural!” she patted my legs a few times asking the same question, and I had the same response each time. Then she touched my face with the glove and I gasped, it was FREEZING “Okay maybe the epidural is working!” I said and Thomas laughed! 

Time seemed to just disappear in that room, before I knew what was going on it was half 6 and Laura was breaking my waters, which was the weirdest feeling I think I’ve ever had! It felt like I had peed myself and I could feel the sensation of it but not quite the warmth. After that Laura told me she could see the head and all I had to do was push, and that with my next contraction I should push for as long and as hard as I could. 

I could feel the contraction coming so I breathed in the gas and pushed as hard as I could, to the point where I could see white spots in front of my eyes and I could feel the water I had been drinking rise up, I was going to be sick, so I had to stop. With every contraction the same thing happened and I was getting really frustrated, every time the baby’s head was almost out, I stopped pushing because I was nearly sick. “Com on, you an do it, push, push, push!” Laura kept saying to me, eventually I shouted back at her “you’re not listening to me I can’t do this, I literally cant I’m going to be sick!” At this point the baby’s heart rate started to drop and my blood pressure sky rocketed. “The only other thing we can do is give you an episiotomy to help get the head out, is that okay with you?” I remember saying to her “I don’t care what you have to do, just get this baby out of me!” So local anaesthetic was administered and Laura said to me “ I’m going to give you the cut with your next contraction, don’t push with this one, you shouldn’t feel the cut okay?” She wasn’t lying, with the next contraction she did the cut and I didn't feel it at all. As that contraction passed Laura kept speaking to me “Okay, with this next one I’m going to need you to push as hard as you can, for as long as you can, okay?” “okay” I remember saying to her. The contraction came and I went to push but before I could the baby’s head popped out, “We’re going to deliver the baby onto your chest are you okay with that?” Laura asked me “Yeah that’s okay” I heard myself say as the next contraction began and I started to push, the rest of the body just slid straight out, and she was placed onto my chest. 

As I lay there holding her, I can’t tell you what the rest of the room was doing because I couldn’t hear or see them, I began to cry, the happiest tears of my life. All I can remember saying was “can I keep her, am I allowed to keep her.” My heart swelled so much with the love I had for this tiny baby and as I looked at Thomas, I could see the tear and how happy he was at seeing his baby girl! 

The midwife took her to weigh her and clean her while I delivered my placenta. Thomas got to hold her for the first time, and he gave her, her first feed! I could tell he was so proud as I lay and watched them while my stitches were being sown up. I don’t remember much of the rest of my time in that room, I think I was still high form the gas and air. 

This is Amelia Grace Smith the minute she was born. 

As I was wheeled down the hall onto the ward, Thomas’s whole family was there and they were so excited to see her! The nurses told me they had never seen a gathering like it and how happy they were for us nearly made them cry. 

She was born at 7:22am on the Sunday morning, weighing 6lb 11oz, measuring at 52cm long. 

She was then and still is now (9 months on) the absolute light of my life! This is her now, at 9 months, happy healthy and as you can see, really enjoying her biscuits! 

Well, there you have it. The good, the bad and the truly ugly side of pregnancy. This post has been extremely long and if you made it this far, well done! It has been a journey and a half writing this post and it has taken me quite some time to finish it, reliving these memories was quite emotional. 

Thanks for taking the time to read, all my love 

                                                                     Dana  

                                                                            xx

[afteriwake]

Neither Living Dead Nor Fully Living (3/15)

There’s six more chapters until I reach the new stuff, but please feel free to read ahead of the old stuff in preparation of the new chapters!

Neither Living Dead Nor Fully Living - When Sebastian Moran inherits a building, a business and a servant from James Moriarty, he tries to live as normal a life as he can. But when Molly Hooper does the unthinkable and falls in love with him, he finds himself fighting a battle he’d never imagined he’d be in.

READ CHAPTER 1 | READ CHAPTER 3 | HELP ME SURVIVE? | COMMISSION ME? | BUY ME A KOFI?

“Seb? Sebastian? Are you awake?”

He dimly heard the door open and then shut, and suddenly there was a very light but very curvy weight on top of him and he felt hair brush over his cheek. “Are you going to lay on top of me until I get up, Molly?” he asked, his voice groggy but amused.

“Yes,” she said simply. “You’re warm.”

“You’re like a cat on a windowsill,” he replied. It had become a strange custom between them, where when she arrived back to the cafe she seemed to go straight to invading his privacy, as well as his personal space. Sometimes she laid down on top of him, sometimes if he didn’t seem ready to wake up she’d curl up next to him, and other times she’d perch on the end of his bed and then pounce on him when he sat up to stretch, tackle-hugging him back onto the bed. She had never been this affectionate with Jim, and perhaps that was the most telling of his lover’s relationship with her.

It never went any further than close proximity, much to his dismay. The first time she had done it he’d been sleeping in the nude and she crawled under the covers with her back against him, fully clothed, and when he’d realized it he’d gone and gotten a pair of pants to put on and then climbed back into bed and put an arm around her waist. He’d thought he’d heard her crying and that was a sound he never wanted to hear again. And he’d been lucky enough to have “ray of sunshine” Molly around more often, even if him sleeping starkers was out of the question now.

A small sacrifice, he supposed.

It was then he noticed it was nighttime outside and he frowned. “Have you even left yet?” he asked.

She got quiet and then slid off of on top of him, nuzzling her nose into the crook of his neck. “My presence wasn’t...wanted,” she said quietly.

“Holmes said you were needed,” he said, his frown deepening.

“I was. But I wasn’t wanted so I told them to fuck off and left. I’m happier here, away from all the responsibilities.”

“Is there going to be problems?” he asked, turning so he could look at her.

“Maybe. But Sherlock will deal with it.” She gave him a small smile “I don’t need to go back for a while. Do you want anything to eat?”

“No, but I think I made a decent glaze for the scones,” he said, following her lead in changing the conversation. “Yours will probably be better.”

“Maybe,” she said. “For a human, you can cook well enough. You don’t starve, at least.” Then she reached over and grasped his hand. “You’re...good.”

“Love, if you knew me--” he started, but she shook her head.

“I do. I mean, I know you...better than I’d like,” she said, interweaving her fingers with his. “You make me feel safe. And things could get very bad. But here...I’m safe. You’ll make sure of it.” He nodded but said nothing, lying next to her with their hands clasped. After a moment she set her head on his chest and he let go of her hand to pull her close. “I miss having a heartbeat.”

“Soothing, is it?” he asked.

“Yes.” She slid her arm around his waist and stayed close. “Is grá geal mo chroí thú, fan liom i gconaí” she began to sing. He’d never heard her sing before, but especially in Gaelic, and her voice was stunningly beautiful. “Is grá geal mo chroí thú, beith mise dílis. Is grá geal mo chroí thú, tusa mo mhuírín. Is grá geal mo chroí thú--”

“Fan ar mo thaobh sa” they finished together, his voice a bit rustier than he’d hoped. He tightened his hold on her. It wasn’t a traditional ballad but it was something he knew, something he was familiar with enough to catch a hint of the meaning. A song about Fionn MacCumhal following Niamh of the golden hair to Tir na nÓg, and when he returned to Ireland he was an old man. It was a song about love, the love between two people and…

He gave in to the urge to kiss her softly, nudging her head up to do so, and she smiled against his lips. He knew then that whatever was going on in her world, he was more a part of it than he had ever planned, and he didn’t mind in the slightest.

[insporaelynn]

📲 raelynn && carson

WHEN: january 25th-27th.

DESCRIPTION: the saga of carson and raelynn over the past few days - in text message form.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: angst, sex mention,  death mention

@carsonreyes

carson

uhhhh I think we should talk

raelynn.

who is this?

carson

it’s carson, raelynn.

raelynn.

idk what we have to talk about.

i haven't even seen you in idk how long.

carson

so then what’s the issue.

raelynn.

the same issue as before.

carson

then let’s talk

raelynn.

what's there to say that hasn't been said

carson

can’t we move past this

raelynn.

idk can you undo all the damage you left?

carson

can I try

raelynn.

You don't even know me anymore.

carson

then I’ll get to know you again

raelynn.

That's if I let you.

carson

you’re really just going to let us hate each other

we’ve both grown, cmon

raelynn.

i don't trust you.

carson

that’s valid

that’s why I’m trying to fix it

raelynn.

why now.

carson

I just got back

raelynn.

yeah but you always had my number, apparently

carson

actually

I had to ask for it

raelynn.

who gave it to you

carson

Uhm

next question

raelynn.

was it delilah.

carson

no

It was wessy

raelynn.

ew

whatever i can't be mad at him

carson

so

are you gonna let me get to know you again

raelynn.

do i have to decide today

carson

yes <3

raelynn.

that's not fair.

carson

neither is calling me out in the gc

raelynn.

you can't compare that to cheating on me for months and then dumping me for the other girl

carson

it wasn’t for months

and it wasn’t for some other girl

raelynn.

choose your words carefully bc if you say that i was the problem and the reason you cheated on me / broke up with me i'll block you.

carson

no I take full responsibility for the cheating and being a dick

raelynn.

yeah, and i was the last to know, and then you broke up with me and you were all over social media with that girl like days later.

carson

it wasn’t days

and you were the only one to know

raelynn.

you're right i think it maybe was only one day

carson

it was like a month

raelynn.

still too soon. still sus. still dated me and said you loved me and wanted to marry. me for 2 years.

carson

I did!

raelynn.

and you cheated on me, so none of that was real.

carson

I did really love you raelynn

raelynn.

you don't do that to someone you love.

you don't lie to them and make them look stupid

carson

I know I know

raelynn.

so did you just. stop the minute you decided you wanted to fuck her.

carson

no I was just stupid and not thinking

raelynn.

you really messed me up like permanently i'll never be who i was again.

carson

I’m so sorry

raelynn.

so do you get why it's not fair to ask me to decide today whether or not you can be in my life?

carson

oh cmon it was a joke

I wouldn’t actual expect that of you

raelynn.

i never know what to take seriously with you honestly

carson

I’ll wait as long as it takes, raelynn

raelynn.

to what end?

carson

wym

raelynn.

what's the goal

carson

whatever you want

raelynn.

that's too vague. there has to be something that you want. otherwise you wouldn't bother.

carson

I just want to make things right

I’m not the devil

raelynn.

i mean, they do always say that the devil doesn't always have horns and shit. they say he's got gorgeous hair and piercing eyes, and he lures you in.

carson

oh come on raelynn

raelynn.

see that, that was a joke.

carson

wyd tomo

raelynn.

whatever i want during the day and then work in the evening.

i'm a cage dancer, tips are good.

[...] why

carson

do you wanna get coffee

raelynn.

is there a particular reason you want to?

carson

just to hang out we dont have to

raelynn.

I don't know.

carson

that's ok

raelynn.

But maybe.

You're not trying to mess with me?

carson

no

raelynn.

it's just that the last time we sat across from each other you were breaking up with me.

carson

i can't break up with you rn

raelynn.

i know. that's not what it's about.

carson

well

raelynn.

it's just. that's how little trust is here, carson.

carson

idk what im supposed to say

im gonna give you space

raelynn.

you're supposed to just say what you mean .

carson

i am!

raelynn.

[...] I'll meet you. But just coffee. Not coffee and then my place, not coffee and then your place, not coffee and a kiss.

carson

i just said coffee

raelynn.

I know what you said, I just want to be as clear as I can be.

carson

crystal clear

raelynn.

Good. Um. Noonish?

carson

noon works!!

raelynn.

maybe the starbucks around the block from wes? I go to that one a lot. The staff is nice.

carson

sure, sounds good!

raelynn.

and carson? i literally am gonna ask just one single thing of you, okay?

carson

yes maam

raelynn.

don't screw any of my friends.

carson

idk who ur friends are

raelynn.

ugh.

carson

give me names, raelynn

raelynn.

i'm an extremely popular woman!

carson

bruh

raelynn.

well, there's delilah even though she and i aren't speaking. there's lana, there's niamh, roman, landon, ivy (i hope, soon), spencer, echo, rue, jules. if i think of anyone else i'll let you know.

also wes, wes is my friend, he counts.

carson

ok spen and i have been friends way before

and im not gonna fuck wes

or delilah

raelynn.

you don't get to argue with my list, carson.

carson

ok

raelynn.

you wanna fuck spence or something?

carson

i didn't say that

i just said we were friends!

raelynn.

okay.

i swear to god carson, you've aged me 50 years.

carson

oooh 75 yrs old

that;s hot

raelynn.

hate you

carson

<3

raelynn.

...don't

carsonBOT01/25/2021

</3

raelynn.

you don't even mean that lmao

carson

says u

raelynn.

it's not like you came back for me or whatever

carson

carson: i came back because i wanted to

raelynn

yeah i figured.

carson

carson: and i had to

raelynn

you had to come back or you had to leave?

carson

both

raelynn

so why did you leave?

carson

uh idk if you wanna know that

raelynn

did you run away with the other girl.

carson

no

raelynn

so why.

carson

my mom died

raelynn

[...]

carson

so i went to stay with my dad

raelynn

shit. i'm sorry.

carson

an awakening of some sort

raelynn

i really loved her.

carson

 i did too

so yeah i went to california. saw my dad. lived out there

raelynn

and you had to come back because...?

carson

someone had to do something about the apartment and house

plus wes was practically begging me to come back home

raelynn

yeah i get that.

marie

but I’m here now

raelynn. 

did you miss me.

you don't have to answer that. it's stupid.

carson

of course I did

raelynn.

okay. idk why i wanted to know.

carson

idk either

raelynn.

idk it's stupid

[...]

carson

I’m so sorry

I have a meeting at noon I forgot about

raelynn.

if you're backpedaling just say so.

carson

I’m not

raelynn.

so why should I believe you when you texted to cancel 15 minutes before?

carson

I have one brain cell and it’s my dad’s assistant’s

raelynn.

Was Delilah just making fun of me in that chat for not remembering ivy

carson

what does this have to do with me

raelynn

bc if so, it looks like you joined in.

carson

again, what does this have to do with me

raelynn.

Bc you can't act like you wanna fix things with me in here and make fun of me out there. Doesn't work like that.

carson

I’ve only told Delilah to fix things with you

what are you talking about !!!!!

raelynn.

The fight yesterday! When I said I dont remember fighting with Ivy and everyone shat on me. Delilah was making fun of me when she was talking about not remembering anyone.

carson

yes, I am that cruel and think that deeply into things

raelynn.

I know exactly how cruel you can be dude and I may be a dumbass but I didn't forget that.

carson

it literally wasn’t a dig at you

I was mocking Delilah

raelynn.

Do you swear on my tits?

carson

I’m not doing that

raelynn.

No matter whats going on with us i know you wouldn't risk them unless you're lying.

carson

oh my god

raelynn.

yeah I guess you're regretting this decision now

carson

you literally make me regret opening my mouth jfc

raelynn.

You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to.

carson

fine!

raelynn.

Fine.

carson

read

[...]

carson

hi

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

hi.

carson

im sorry

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

for?

carson

being dumb

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i don't want to play games anymore. i'm a grownup.

carson

i thought we were 12

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

carson

carson

raelynn

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

can you be serious

carson

how serious

i would like to not be serious rn im trying to figure out this living situation

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

like above the age of 12 serious

carson

how's 16?

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

gah, ok

carson

<3

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i told you not to do that

carson

</3

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

and you're not heartbroken so that's just a lie emoji

carson

dont tell me how im feeling

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

fine, you're not heartbroken over me

carson

don't tell me tht

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

but it's the truth, isn't it?

carson

no

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i'm going to be very honest. if you are messing with me i cannot handle it. it hurts. so if you are messing with me right now, don't. ok?

carson

why would i be messing with you

do you want me to try to make things right

you can tell me no and ill quite literally just fuck off

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

[...] you can try.

carson

ok

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

...ok?

carson

im trying!!

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

your ok texts are just weird omg

carson

it's literally an ok text

what would u like me to say

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i'm not mad or anything

about that

carson

please

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

pls what

carson

im trying so hard right now

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

okay, okay.

i accept your apology. For being dumb.

carson

thank u

one person has today

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

who else did u piss off?

carson

you still live at the same place

have u eaten

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i moved but not far.

why?

carson

i was gonna send u dinner from that italian place

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

Alfredo's Pizza Cafe?

carson

yes maam

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

that would be nice.

do u remember my order?

carson

yes

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

*drops pin*

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

this is where i live now. it's slightly bigger than the old place. i have space to put my shoes finally.

carson

moving on up

it should be there in 10

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

thanks, all i had today was hot chocolate and gum.

carson

why

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

you know how i sometimes get an anxious tummy

carson

yeah :/

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

yeah i was feeling queasy

but i'm feelin a little better.

carson

that’s good </3

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

you don't gotta broken heart emoji about it, really.

carson

</3

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

well i see your broken heart emoji and raise you a *peach emoji*

carson

are u working tonight

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

yeah

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

Why?

carson

do you want to grab dinner before?

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

are you sure?

carson

yes, no meetings

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

then yeah, okay. I go into work at 7. So whatever time works for you before then probs works for me too.

carson

okay! 5 work?

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

yeah that'll be fine, where should i meet u?

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

I picked a table towards the back I hope that's chill.

carson

yes!

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

ok see you in a bit.

[...]

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

is it true.

carson

is what true

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

what sabrina said.

carson

yes

I wish I was dating my king

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

idk what the second part means but that's all i wanted to know. bye.

carson

I just wanted to fix things I never said anything about getting together

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i didn't say i wanted to?

carson

then why are you upset

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

bc i knew something like this would happen but i didn't think it would happen literally the week you came back. i'm blindsided. you could've said something to me last night.

carson

we talked after

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

but i still didn't get like a text or anything? i had to find out from the chat as if we didn't decide to work on this. and it feels shitty.

carson

why would you get a text

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

because we were allegedly friends.

and you were gonna be honest with me.

but in any case, it doesn't really matter. i sincerely hope that you're happy. i'm gonna take some space for myself for right now, though.

[miraculouspaon]

Chéile Séala

Summary: Nathalie's grandfather warned her about falling in love with the Fair Folk. He didn't warn her about Niamh Agreste. Niamh Agreste, with the faraway look and the bewitching eyes. Niamh Agreste, who will never be content until she finds what was stolen from her. Now Nathalie's far too gone to be saved, and she's got to help Niamh find what she's looking for-even though finding it means losing Niamh forever.

AO3

Niamh Agreste was the happiest woman Nathalie Sancoeur had ever met. She positively beamed as Gabriel introduced her to Nathalie, and she immediately threw her arms around the woman. “Oh, I'm so glad you're here!” Niamh gushed, hugging Nathalie to her as tightly as her giant belly would allow. “I've been after Gabriel to get a good assistant for months, what with the baby coming and everything, but you're the first one that's met his standards.”

“Oh, um,” Nathalie was not particularly used to or comfortable with being touched, but she didn't want to upset her employer's wife on her first day, “it’s my honor to work for your husband, Mrs. Agreste.”

“Oh please, Nathalie, use my first name!” Niamh insisted, still not releasing her. “I just know we’re going to be friends.”

“Of course…” Nathalie hesitated, and shot her boss a helpless look before she could stop herself.

“It's pronounced ‘Neev’,” he said dryly.

“Of course, I'm so sorry-” Niamh cut her off with a laugh.

“Don't worry, nobody gets it right the first time. That's Celtic names for you, I'm afraid.” Niamh finally released Nathalie, who nodded.

“Yes, my grandfather’s family was Irish actually, so I'm a bit familiar with the more… creative pronunciations.”

“Oh!” Niamh’s green eyes lit up. “We have a common ancestry! Gabriel, did you know?”

“Shockingly, Miss Sancoeur’s ancestral lineage did not come up in the interview process. I assure you she's been hired for her merits alone.”

Niamh laughed as she looked at Nathalie. “Isn't he incorrigible?”

~~~

Nathalie never would have said anything about it, because working for Gabriel Agreste was the opportunity of a lifetime as far as she was concerned, but she’d been a little worried to find out his wife was eight months pregnant. She’d heard horror stories, after all, of personal assistants turned glorified babysitter, and Nathalie had never reacted to babies the way other women did. Her concern grew when Niamh mentioned offhand that they had no plans to hire a nanny. With people this rich, Nathalie had been expecting a fleet of them. But, as it turned out, she needn’t have worried.

Nathalie had never seen a woman dote on a baby like Niamh did on Adrien. The woman barely let the infant out of her sight for an instant. She nursed him, she changed him, she rocked him to sleep. It exhausted Nathalie just to watch, but Niamh couldn’t have been happier. She never seemed frazzled, she never spoke of wanting a moment to herself. It was downright unnatural, Nathalie felt.

The infant was unusual, too. Nathalie hadn’t spent much time around babies, but she knew they were supposed to cry. Adrien laughed. On the very rare occasion that Niamh wasn’t holding him, if Niamh needed to fetch something and asked Nathalie to hold him for a moment, only then might Adrien grow fussy, but he always quieted immediately once Niamh took him back.

Niamh sang to him constantly, too. The lullabies she knew were all in a different language, Nathalie never understood a word of them, but they had a powerful effect all the same. When Niamh was singing Adrien to sleep, Nathalie could feel her own eyelids grow heavy. When she was singing to entertain him, Nathalie felt her own heart lighten. It got to the point where Nathalie found herself making excuses to be closer to the woman whenever she sang. It embarrassed her, when she realized she was doing it, but she didn’t stop. Nathalie was drawn in despite herself.

One afternoon, the sound of her singing to Adrien out back drifted through the house. Nathalie made her way to the window of the office, opened it, and looked out. Adrien’s laughter carried up, and Nathalie squinted down at them, not sure if she could believe her own eyes. Perched on the top of Adrien’s bassinette were two birds, and they seemed to be listening to Niamh as closely as Adrien was.

Well, if the birds can’t resist her, Nathalie thought to herself wryly, I suppose I didn’t really have a chance.

~~~

It was many years before Nathalie began to notice the faraway look that would come into Niamh’s eyes. It wasn’t until Adrien was much older. Old enough to run ahead of her. Niamh was still happy around him, the two of them still had a deep bond, but sometimes. Sometimes Adrien would be playing on his own, and Niamh’s gaze would turn from him. She’d gaze at the sky, or the Seine. She’d sigh, and in those moments Nathalie swore the woman’s eyes got lighter. Normally they were a dark olive, but whenever Niamh got that faraway look in her eyes they seemed to be a light sea green.

One afternoon, when Mr. Agreste was away on business and Nathalie was running things for him in Paris, Nathalie came into his home office to drop off a document and found his wife looking through one of its drawers. Niamh looked up guiltily when Nathalie entered, as though Nathalie had caught her somewhere she oughtn’t be. “Nathalie!” Niamh put a hand to her heart. “You startled me.”

“I’m sorry,” Nathalie apologized immediately. “Is there anything I can help you with?”

Niamh looked down at the desk drawer for a moment before shutting it decisively. “No,” she said, “there’s nothing.”

“I know where everything is in this office, I’m sure I can help you find-”

“It’s not here.”

Nathalie raised an eyebrow. “What isn’t?”

Niamh hesitated. “I… I lost a pair of earrings. I thought they might have fallen off, and perhaps Gabriel or one of the cleaning women found them on the carpet and put them in a drawer for safekeeping. But they’re not here.”

Nathalie was one hundred percent convinced the woman was lying, but she saw no reason to acknowledge this. “I see,” Nathalie said. “What do they look like?” Niamh seemed confused by the question. “I’ll keep an eye out and let you know if I find them.”

“Oh… oh, of course. They were,” Niamh frowned for a second, as though she couldn’t remember, “diamond studs.”

Nathalie nodded. “I haven’t seen them, but I’ll look.”

“Don't trouble yourself,” Niamh said. “I don't need them. I don’t. Really. I'm fine without them.” She seemed to be mostly talking to herself at this point, and Nathalie left without another word.

A few days later, when her boss had returned, Nathalie remembered the incident, and she was seized with a sudden curiosity. “Oh, Mr. Agreste,” she said, “did your wife ever find those earrings she misplaced?”

“Hmm?” He didn’t look up from his work. “What earrings?”

“She was looking for them a couple of days ago? She seemed very focused on finding them.”

Gabriel Agreste went very still, and he was quiet for a few seconds. When he spoke, it was with the same affected casualness he used when dealing with important business partners, and he still didn’t meet Nathalie’s eyes. “Oh, yes,” he said. “Yes, she did.”

He knew Niamh hadn't lost any earrings, then. “The sapphire drop ones?” Nathalie asked, just to confirm.

“Yes, yes, the sapphire ones, she found them. There’s no need for you to keep worrying about them.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Nathalie replied smoothly. “Thank you for letting me know.”

So whatever Niamh has been looking for-not earrings, obviously-Gabriel knew about it, and it scared him. Niamh wanted to keep it from Gabriel, and Gabriel wanted to keep it from Nathalie.

Curious.

~~~

When Nathalie was a girl, her grandfather warned her about the Fair Folk. “Be careful not to fall in love with any beautiful Irish boys, Nattie,” he’d told her, with a glint in his eye. Nathalie had been too polite to inform him that falling in love with any boys whatsoever would not be a problem. “They’ve green eyes and they can charm the birds right out of the trees. You ever meet a boy like that, Nattie, you run for the hills because he’ll break your heart six ways before sunrise.”

He didn’t warn her about selkies specifically, but Nathalie had looked up the myths when she was a little older. Seal wives, they were called. They shed their skins and became beautiful women, bewitching fishermen who would hide their skins away to keep them on land. Bound to them as mortal wives until they discovered what had been stolen from them. Then they’d be gone forever, leaving behind husbands and children who spent the rest of their lives gazing at the sea, never able to fill the emptiness of their absence.

Nathalie looked up plenty of myths, but she always liked the Irish ones best. They were sad and beautiful and somehow they fit Nathalie’s world in a way other mythologies did not. She hadn’t thought of them in years, but they must have buried themselves somewhere in her heart because one day it all just clicked together for her. It was almost a year later, and her boss was on yet another business trip. Nathalie had again walked in on Niamh digging through some random drawer in a random room of the mansion, and the thought simply popped into Nathalie’s head: She’s looking for her sealskin.

Once Nathalie saw it, she couldn’t unsee it.

Irish, green eyes, sharp features, a faraway look. Charming the birds from the trees. Always searching for something whenever her husband was absent.

Inhumanly beautiful.

~~~

Nathalie kept her conclusions to herself for months, until another business trip came and once again she heard rustling, more frantic than usual, this time coming from one of the random guest bedrooms in the east wing. Nathalie didn’t bother to knock before entering.

The room was a complete mess. Every drawer had been pulled out and overturned, the curtains had been pulled down, the cushions of the pillows pulled out, stripped of their covers and thrown aside. Niamh’s hair was askew and she was in the middle of digging through a hope chest when Nathalie entered. “Oh! Nathalie! I… I lost my…” She locked eyes with Nathalie for a moment, and then all the energy seemed to go out of Niamh all at once. Her legs crumpled under her as she sunk to the floor sobbing, incapable of finishing the lie.

Nathalie had never in her life comforted a crying person before. She wasn't at all sure where to start. But she gently approached Niamh, lowered herself to the ground so she was sitting next to the woman on the floor, and put an arm around her shoulders. Niamh kept sobbing, and she clung to Nathalie like a shipwrecked sailor clinging to a piece of flotsam. It was a while before she quieted down.

“He hid it, didn't he,” Nathalie said, not really asking. Niamh nodded, her head still buried in Nathalie’s shoulder. “Do you hate him?”

“No,” Niamh whispered.

“I would. I do. How could he do something like that to you?”

Niamh sighed. “I told him to.”

“What?”

“He-” Niamh’s voice caught in her throat. “Oh, we were so in love when we met, Nathalie! It was so beautiful, it really was. He was so young. It feels like lifetimes ago. I warned him, I told him I could only spend the night, that he wouldn't see me for seven years after if he didn't hide my skin before I woke up. But he didn't believe me, he knew I loved him, he was sure I'd stay.” Niamh sighed. “But that's just not how it works.”

“Oh,” Nathalie said. They’ll break your heart before dawn, her grandfather had warned her.

“He didn't make the same mistake the second time,” Niamh continued. “He hid my skin while I slept and, oh, I was so happy Nathalie, for so long. You remember, don't you?”

Nathalie nodded. “You were very happy for a long time,” she agreed. “What happened?”

Niamh shrugged. “It wasn't enough to make me belong here. Gabriel, Adrien, all this… I wish it had been but it wasn't. I just want to go home, Nathalie.” Her voice was so desperate, so raw. Nathalie pulled the woman closer without realizing.

“Why doesn't he give it back, now that you're unhappy?” Nathalie asked.

“Adrien,” Niamh said. “He says he'll return it when Adrien’s eighteen. I understand, he lost his parents when he was young, he doesn't want Adrien to go through that, too. I don't want him to go through it either, but… oh, Nathalie, I don't think I can make it that long. I'm dying every day on land.”

“If he wanted a mother who stays,” Nathalie said, her voice filled with a cold fury, “he shouldn't have fallen in love with a fae.”

“No mortal should fall in love with a fae,” Niamh said sadly. “We never bring your kind anything but sadness in the end.”

Nathalie looked into Niamh’s eyes. They were light, as though she'd wept the color right out of them. “I suppose it's not really optional,” Nathalie whispered. “Falling in love.”

Niamh blinked. “No,” she agreed, meeting Nathalie’s gaze, “not for my kind, either.”

There must have been something hypnotic in Niamh’s eyes, because one second Nathalie was looking into them and the next they were kissing, and Nathalie had no memory whatsoever of the transition.

Niamh broke away after a few moments, before moving to kiss Nathalie’s neck. She kept one hand on the floor for balance, but the other reached up, caressed Nathalie’s cheek, her shoulder, before drifting down and beginning to undo the buttons of Nathalie’s blouse one by one. Nathalie tried to steady her breathing as Niamh slid a hand along her waist, she was having trouble thinking clearly, she’d never felt so disoriented.

“Niamh,” she whispered, “we… we can’t-”

“Oh, Nathalie, Nathalie,” Niamh whispered into her neck, trailing her fingers along Nathalie’s bared collarbone, “you’re so beautiful, you have the sea inside you, did you know that? You’re all storms and life beneath the surface.” She leaned down and began to kiss along where her fingers had been, her hair brushing along Nathalie’s exposed torso as she went. Then Niamh was standing suddenly, pulling Nathalie up with her. She took a few steps backwards, towards the bed, and then she was falling back onto it, never letting go of Nathalie. And Nathalie was still falling, even after they landed, lying next to each other on the bed. She was still falling as she gazed into Niamh’s eyes, reached for her, ran her fingers through the woman’s hair, kissed her everywhere.

Nathalie was falling, Nathalie was drowning, and nothing had ever felt more right.

~~~

“Your schedule for the day, sir.”

“Thank you, Nathalie.” Nathalie’s boss looked over the itinerary for a few minutes before speaking. “I understand you learned a few things about my family while I was away last week.”

Nathalie kept her face a mask. “Sir?”

“Niamh,” Gabriel said, “has never been good at keeping secrets. Particularly her own. I asked her once, if that was a trait common to all selkies or unique to her, but I didn't get much of an answer.”

Nathalie paled. “I see.”

Gabriel placed the schedule on his desk and leaned back in his chair, looking up at Nathalie. “You must have a very low opinion of me,” he said matter-of-factly.

For a split second, Nathalie wondered to herself if she could reason with the man. She quickly dismissed the thought. If Niamh couldn't move him, there was no way Nathalie could.

“Not at all, sir,” she lied easily. “I understand from Niamh that you are simply following her own instructions.”

A little bit of the tension in Gabriel’s shoulders eased. “That's right,” he said. “I'm very pleased you understand.”

“Is that all, sir?”

“No.” Gabriel paused. “There's the matter of what occurred between the two of you. What came after the conversation.”

Nathalie’s cheeks turned slightly pink. “I see.” She closed her eyes for a moment, composing herself. “Should I gather my things and leave now, or would you like me to stay long enough to train a replacement?” Gabriel narrowed his eyes, confused. “I'm fired, aren't I?”

“God, no. What on Earth gave you that idea?”

“I…” It took real effort on Nathalie’s part to keep from stammering. “Well, I believe it's the standard consequence, sir, for sleeping with the wife of one’s employer.”

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “Not a single thing about this situation is standard, Nathalie.” He leaned forward, interlocking his fingers as he did so. “Niamh is unhappy. It's getting worse. I'm not enough for her, not anymore. If you are what makes Niamh’s stay here bearable… well, I won't pretend to be happy about it, and I'd rather not hear the details if it’s all the same to you, but if you can ease Niamh’s burden you absolutely must do so.”

Nathalie nodded slowly. “Understood, sir.”

“She can’t be alone anymore,” he continued. “From now on, whenever I need to be away, you will stay here. Be with her every hour of the day.” Nathalie nodded. “She doesn't look for it when I'm home. You only need to distract her when I'm away. Keep her from looking, Nathalie.”

“Of course, sir.” Nathalie hesitated for half a second, unsure if she was tipping her hand or not. “Is there anywhere in particular I should keep her from looking?”

“Just keep her from looking at all,” Gabriel said impatiently.

Nathalie gave up. “Of course, sir.”

~~~

Another few months, another business trip. Niamh was out with Adrien when Gabriel departed, and Nathalie was in the middle of work when she returned. Nathalie continued working, but she kept an eye and an ear out for the usual signs. It wasn't more than a few hours before Niamh disappeared. Nathalie pulled out a folder from her satchel and set off in search of her.

She found Niamh in a small upstairs library, searching for hidden compartments behind the shelves, tossing the books to the floor as she went. Unlike the previous times, she didn't jump when Nathalie caught her. “Oh. Nathalie. Here to distract me?” Niamh smiled, as though she'd told a joke, but the smile didn't reach her eyes.

In response, Nathalie crossed the room to a small desk, pulled out the copies she'd made earlier that day, and began laying them out. Niamh’s curiosity quickly got the better of her and she walked over. “What are those?”

“Floor plans for the mansion. Your search methods are woefully lacking, Niamh. Do you just pick a random room to tear apart every time he leaves? Do you even remember where you've looked and where you haven't yet searched?”

Niamh’s eyes grew wide. “You… you're going to help me look?”

“Of course I am,” Nathalie replied.

“Oh!” Niamh threw her arms around Nathalie and hugged her tightly.

“You're not going to tell your husband everything again, are you?” Nathalie asked. “Because if so, I don't imagine he’ll let me stay once he comes back.”

Niamh bit her lip. “I can't lie to him,” she said.

“I thought the fae were all tricksters.”

“We are,” Niamh agreed, “but we don't lie outright. Mortals always see right through it.”

“So what are you going to tell him,” Nathalie asked, “when he asks what you did while he was gone?”

In response, Niamh kissed Nathalie, and for a brief, blissful few seconds Nathalie forgot the question entirely. “I’ll tell him I kissed you here,” Niamh whispered, before kissing Nathalie’s cheek, “and here.” She moved to kiss Nathalie’s neck. “And here,” Niamh murmured, “and here,” she kissed Nathalie’s shoulder, “and he’ll stop asking questions.”

~~~

“What about this room? Have you searched this one yet?” Nathalie asked.

Niamh walked to the center and slowly turned around, examining it. “I'm not sure,” she finally said.

Nathalie wrote a question mark over the room on the floor plan. “Alright. Well come back to it once we've searched the rooms we know you haven't looked in yet.” They made their way to the next room. “This one?”

Niamh nodded. “Yes, I've looked in here already.” Nathalie scrawled a big X over it.

A few rooms later, a thought occurred to Nathalie. “What if it isn't in the house at all?” she asked. “What if he bought a random safety deposit box halfway around the world?”

“It doesn't work like that,” Niamh said. “It's in the house somewhere. I'm certain of it.”

Nathalie nodded. “What if he moves it every time he leaves? What if he hides it in a room you've already searched?”

Niamh paused to consider this. “It's possible,” she finally said. Nathalie sighed.

“Well, we’ll proceed as though he doesn't for now,” she said, “and if we search every room without finding it we’ll re-evaluate.” Niamh didn't respond, she had that faraway look again, so Nathalie took her hand. “We’ll find it, Niamh, I promise.”

~~~

They didn't find it. Not during that business trip, or the next one, or the next. They searched every room twice over during the next few years, to no avail.

For a time, Nathalie thought it might be enough for Niamh that she had a friend, a lover, helping her search. Niamh seemed far less agitated, far less frantic, when searching alongside Nathalie. And she stole away to Nathalie’s bed every night Gabriel was away, without fail. She never seemed discontent then, when they were together like that. But after, when they were wrapped up in one another and falling asleep, Niamh would sigh and gaze out the window. Nathalie woke up to find tears on Niamh’s face more often than not after a while, and she could only kiss so many of them away.

“How is she?” Gabriel asked Nathalie one afternoon, upon returning from his latest trip. He still didn't suspect a thing, even after all this time, for all the good it did them.

“Getting worse,” Nathalie replied.

Gabriel paled. “Has she started looking again?”

Nathalie briefly considered how much of the truth she needed to tell to avoid raising suspicion. “Sometimes, sir,” she said. “I can’t be with her every second, after all. I’ve caught her once or twice, beginning to search. I… I don’t know if she’s ever come close to finding it, of course, since I don’t know where-”

“I assure you, she hasn’t come close,” Gabriel interrupted confidently. “You don’t need to worry about her actually finding it. But…” He frowned. “She wouldn’t look for it if she was happy. I thought you made her happy.”

Nathalie shrugged. “I make her less unhappy, perhaps. There's only one thing that will make her truly happy, sir, and it's not either of us. It's the sea.”

Gabriel sighed and closed his eyes. “Very well,” he said, and for a brief instant hope caught in Nathalie’s chest, though it was quickly extinguished. “Begin planning a family trip.”

Nathalie blinked. “A trip, sir?”

“As soon as possible. Rent a house on the seaside for all of us. A month, I think. It will be awkward, running the company from there instead of Paris, but I'm sure I'll manage.”

For a moment, Nathalie was speechless. “Are you sure that isn’t cruel, sir?”

Gabriel narrowed his eyes in confusion, as though the possibility honestly hadn’t occurred to him. He shrugged. “Run it by Niamh first,” he said. “If she doesn’t like the idea, that will be the end of it. If she does, I want us all there by the end of the week. Understood?”

Nathalie nodded. “Of course, sir.”

~~~

“Oh, yes,” Niamh breathed, “Yes, yes, thank you, Nathalie!” She hugged Nathalie and kissed her cheek.

“It wasn’t my idea,” Nathalie said, annoyed. “I’d hate it if it were me. Won’t it be agony for you?”

“Oh, certainly,” Niamh agreed, beaming. “That doesn’t matter, though.”

Niamh practically flew from the car the moment it parked in the driveway of the little cottage Nathalie had personally selected. She ran around the back, the rest of her family following behind, and her laughter carried back to them in the breeze. She kicked off her shoes and ran straight for the waves, paying no attention to the way the salt water soaked the hem of her skirt. After a moment Adrien ran after her, joining her in the water. Niamh hugged him as the waves crashed at their feet and kissed the top of his head.

Gabriel and Nathalie held back, watching from a distance. “Will it be enough?” Gabriel finally asked, after a few minutes of silent observation.

Nathalie shrugged. It was getting more and more difficult to mask her loathing of the man. “Perhaps, sir,” she said.

Nathalie awoke in the middle of the night, a few days later. She rose, made her way to the bedroom window, and looked out. It wasn't difficult to find Niamh in the dark, sitting on the bench that faced the sea. She was staring at her home, unmoving, but the wind and the moonlight caught in her hair and lit it up like a lighthouse beacon. Nathalie tore herself away from the window, pulled her coat out of her closet, and made her way outside.

“Niamh,” she whispered as she approached. She sat down beside the woman.

“Nathalie.”

“Are you alright?”

Niamh nodded. “I was just thinking about my daughter.”

“You have a daughter?” Nathalie asked, not bothering to keep the shock out of her voice.

“Had. It was a very long time ago. I haven't seen her in over a hundred years. She must have died by now.”

Nathalie blinked. “How old are you?” she asked. Niamh laughed.

“I don't know,” she said. “I barely understand the question.” Niamh scanned the waves. “I used to come back to see her. We played in the waves together. It probably wasn't enough, but it was all I could give her. She was much younger than Adrien, when I found where her father had hidden my skin. He wasn't as good at hiding it as Gabriel is.” Niamh sighed and leaned her head on Nathalie’s shoulder. Nathalie wrapped an arm around her, breathed in the scent of Niamh’s hair, kissed her gently, before resting her head atop Niamh’s and gazing out at the sea as well.

~~~

“Sir, I’ve just been informed that there’s been a break in the water main back at the manor,” Nathalie informed her boss at breakfast the next morning. “There’s extensive flooding. I think it would be best if I drove back to Paris to oversee the repairs personally.”

“You’re leaving?” Niamh asked, dismayed. Gabriel glanced at his wife before looking back at Nathalie.

“Is that necessary?” he asked. “Couldn’t you handle it over the phone?”

“I really don’t think so, sir. Not after the conversation I had with them this morning.” Nathalie looked at Niamh. “It should only be a day or two at most.”

“Well, alright,” Gabriel said, annoyed. “If you think that’s best.”

“I do, sir. I’ve already taken the liberty of packing an overnight bag, I’ll be leaving at once.”

“Very well.”

“Hurry back,” Niamh added, and Nathalie nodded at her.

“I will,” Nathalie promised.

“Goodbye, Nathalie!” Adrien called after her as she left. “Drive safe!” Nathalie had felt no guilt whatsoever during her lie, but she felt a twinge of remorse now at the boy’s well-wishes. Just a small one, though. Not nearly enough to deter her in her mission.

Nathalie thought hard during her drive back. Her suspicions, vague and unformed last night, began to clear and focus in her head.

Gabriel Agreste was not a man who took risks.

It had been easy for Nathalie and Niamh to lose sight of that. If he did move the skin every time he left, their task seemed almost impossible. There were almost a hundred rooms in the manor, and Nathalie and Niamh never managed to get through more than a handful per business trip. Their odds of success were at most five percent, and so they despaired.

For some reason it had only just occurred to Nathalie that Gabriel Agreste was also perfectly capable of doing this math. If he thought there was even a five percent chance his wife wouldn’t be home when he returned from a business trip, he would not take business trips. It was as simple as that.

Which meant the skin wasn’t in any of the hundred rooms.

Niamh was convinced the skin was in the house somewhere, and Nathalie had learned over the years not to bother questioning this. If Niamh said “that’s just how it works”, then that’s how it worked. If she said the skin had to be in the house, then it was in the house.

But Gabriel Agreste had personally had that house built, years before he and Niamh were reunited. He’d spared no expense, and he’d built it knowing that one day he’d be hiding a sealskin somewhere within its walls. Nathalie had wondered more than once over the years if he’d built such an ostentatious home just to make it near impossible to search. For the first time now, it occurred to her that he might have done more than that. He might have built a secret room, inaccessible by ordinary means. A room that didn’t show up on the official floor plan at all.

When she finally arrived back at the mansion Nathalie fetched her floor plans. They were the same ones she'd printed years ago, now worn, covered with Xs and check marks and notes she'd made during their years of searching. Once more, Nathalie examined the plans carefully. Then she brought them outside and carefully began to study the mansion. She circled around it slowly, looking back at her printouts frequently, matching each window to each room on the page.

And there it was.

Above the top floor, around the back. A circular window, corresponding to a room that did not exist. A room with a domed ceiling, clearly not connected to the rest of the house’s attic space. Nathalie triple-checked, and then she studied the area below it, making sure she could find it once she was inside.

Right below the room was a hallway, and several spare rooms. Nathalie and Niamh had been over those rooms several times, and they’d checked them quite thoroughly for any secret spaces. But now Nathalie examined the hallway, studied the floor plan, pulled out her measuring tape and checked everything. She easily found the spot that didn’t fit, the place along the wall between two of the rooms, the spot that was a full meter wider than it should have been.

Nathalie ran her fingers along the wall, then held her ear up to it and knocked. She stepped back, examining the spot. Then she cast her eyes around, and started experimentally pulling and prodding everything, every sconce, every nail, every knot in the wood. After a few minutes of this she leaned against the wall in defeat. She had no idea what might trigger the entrance to reveal itself. For all she knew, it wouldn’t open unless she sang Danny Boy backwards in C-minor. She let out an aggravated sigh before making her way back downstairs. Nathalie had always preferred the elegant solution over brute force, but she knew when brute force was called for.

Twenty minutes later, she returned with an axe.

Ten minutes after that, she was looking at a stairway through a doorway of splintered wood.

Careful not to hurt herself, Nathalie slowly made her way through the opening she’d created and started to climb the stairs.

The room above was open, dark, and almost completely empty. The only source of light was the large, circular window that Nathalie had observed outside. Nathalie stood at its center for a moment. No lights, no furniture. Nothing except a small chest pressed against the outer edge of the circular room, hidden deep in the shadows. Bracing herself, Nathalie made her way over to it and knelt down.

Locked. Of course.

Rolling her eyes, Nathalie reached up and grabbed one of her bobby pins before efficiently picking the lock. She took a deep breath before opening it.

For a moment, all Nathalie could do was stare. Then-slowly, reverently-she reached out a hand and gently touched the skin. It was warm and soft and so obviously Niamh’s. Nathalie gingerly slid her hands below the folded skin and lifted it up, pressed it to her cheek for a moment. It smelled like the salt air in Niamh’s hair.

Nathalie was suddenly struck with an overwhelming desire to hide the skin herself, to make Niamh hers completely. Sighing, she shook the impulse off, stood, and made her way back downstairs.

~~~

When Nathalie returned to the seaside cottage, she could see Gabriel and Adrien out back, reading on the porch. She made her way to the master bedroom, and saw Niamh leaning at the open window, gazing at the sea. She turned to Nathalie as Nathalie entered, and her face lit up. “You’re back!” She hurried over and kissed Nathalie passionately. Nathalie kissed her back, ran a hand through Niamh’s hair, wishing desperately that Niamh might never stop kissing her, might never give her the opening to tell Niamh what she’d found. But after a while Niamh broke the kiss off and hugged Nathalie. “I missed you,” she whispered.

Nathalie took a breath. “I found it,” she whispered back.

Niamh went very still. “Found what?” she asked, though it was obvious she knew. In response, Nathalie picked up the overnight bag she’d carried in with her and handed it to Niamh. Slowly, Niamh carried it over to the bed, dropped it, stared at it a moment before unzipping it and looking inside. Tears immediately began to fall from her eyes, and she covered her mouth with her hand in shock. “How… how… oh, Nathalie!” Now Niamh was openly weeping, and she grabbed the skin before running back to Nathalie and throwing her arms around the woman. “You’re a miracle, Nathalie, you-” she kissed Nathalie again, she covered Nathalie’s face in grateful kisses, put a hand to Nathalie’s cheek and pulled her close. “Watch over Adrien,” Niamh whispered.

“I will,” Nathalie promised. Nodding, Niamh kissed her one more time before running out the door.

Nathalie exhaled slowly once Niamh was gone. She briefly considered going to the window, but held herself back. She didn’t know if she could stand to watch Niamh run into the waves. Instead she sat on the edge of the bed, willed her heartbeat to slow, wondered if she’d ever see Niamh again. Wondered if she’d ever in her life stop looking to the waves.

Finally, Nathalie worked up the nerve to go to the window. She leaned out and scanned the waves. In the distance, she thought she saw what she was looking for, but it wasn’t until she overheard Adrien that she was sure.

“Is that a seal?” he asked his father, looking to the sea. Gabriel’s head shot up, he looked to the ocean and his gaze quickly locked onto the distant figure. He looked back at his bedroom window, to the last place he’d seen his wife, and saw Nathalie there instead. She looked back at him, and their eyes locked. In an instant, everything there was to say passed between them without a word.

They should have hated each other. Each had done something the other found unforgivable. But somehow, now that Niamh was gone, they understood one another. They’d both loved her so, and they’d each acted in accordance with that love.

In unison, they both looked back to the sea and watched silently, until the woman they loved disappeared in the waves.

[forteafy]

Some Ultra-Fluffy Headcanons for Niamh, (@whotheeffisbucky). Ft. Lance Tucker, Steve Rogers, Jefferson, Sugar!Chris Evans, Sebastian Stan, Tony Stark, TJ Hammond, Chris Beck, and Bucky Barnes.

Lance Tucker

-Such a huge cuddle monster. He will literally snuggle you up in your bed and admire all the Movie Posters everywhere.

-He also loves seeing you all cosied up in his USA Jacket. He recognises it suits you way better than him.

-Whenever he goes out to an event, he wants you on his arm. And loves that one red dress.

-Taking photo’s for his Instagram. He loves your work, so get’s you to edit them, too. Even a certain video which went on his Twitter.

-Admiring that view when he’s working out. He’ll put you underneath him so he can steal kisses.

-Telling any man who comes near you that he loves you and to back off.

-Whenever he feels like you’re a bit self conscious, he’ll take you in his arms and kiss every part of your body, telling you how beautiful you are to him and the world.

-He gets you to read to him. He love your voice.

-Having movie nights where he holds you on his lap so you can snuggle in his chest.

Steve Rogers

-He is just obsessed with you lying on top of him. You’re like his teddy bear and loves you being snugly with him.

-Long, relaxing baths together. Covered in rose petals and bubbles.

-He always leaves the Shield by your bedroom door; it’s soundproof, so it stops the shouting downstairs somewhat.

-Carrying you around the house because you’re a small baby who needs to be protected.

-He literally calls you ‘Doll’ 24/7. It’s saved on his contacts as that.

-He also loves playing with your hair. He’ll run his hands through it and massage your scalp to soothe you.

-Hiding in his warm neck through snuggles.

-He loves making hot chocolate because it was a luxury in his time. Something sweet for you to share.

-Cheek kisses which are super soft.

Jefferson of OUAT

-Matching hats! He wants you both to look super cute, so he gets you your own top hat.

-He can play the piano really well. He learned ‘Another day of Sun,’ from the La La Land soundtrack.

-Wearing his scarves whenever you go out to keep you warm.

-He also loves baking. Cookies are his ultimate favourite. Like you, white chocolate and raspberry.

-Lying in your lap and telling you about Grace.

-Dancing around the house. He’ll put on a song, and you guy will dance together for so long.

-Taking you to see shows at the theatre. He’ll hold your hand throughout it.

-Nose kisses. all speckley and little.

-Rubbing his thumb across your palm when you hold hands.

Sugar!Chris Evans

-Whenever he hears his baby is upset, he is dropping meetings and is straight around to check up on you.

-Giving you the most beautiful presents which are lovely and sentimental.

-Paying for Spa Treatments together. He is super calm with you and loves going to the Spa with you.

-His hand resting on your thigh for warmth and comfort.

-Snuggling up in his apartment watching really bad movies and pushing his work aside for you.

-Sitting between his legs and lying back on his chest to snuggle together.

-Tying his tie around your wrist. It’s a sign that he is always there to protect you.

Kissing your neck in comfort.

-Carrying you to bed and snuggling you when you’re all comfy, reminding you how much he loves you.

Sebastian Stan

-He fell in love with you almost instantly. Just, he was in a quiet place and saw you buying a drink and went up to say hi.

-You recognised him, and he sat with you. He loves hearing you talk all the time.

-Taking you to Movie Premieres and is constantly gushing over how perfect you look.

-Wearing his blazer jacket when it begins to get a little bit cold.

-He once talked about how much he loved your directing and playscripts and on Twitter, the hashtag #WeWantNiamhsMovie was trending.

-He goes to your movie premiere. And is so proud of you.

-The best times are when you’re snuggling together and when he can just hold you and it’s nice and quiet.

-Eskimo kisses. He is one of them people.

-His Instagram feed is soon filled with photo’s of you cuddling, and comments such as ‘My faves’ and ‘Goals.’

Tony Stark

-Whenever you’re feeling a little angry, he let’s you borrow a suit, and can get your anger out in Target Practice.

-Helping you study for Film. He pretends he dosen’t know that much, but he really does.

-Joy riding in his cars. Nice relaxing drives in the evening with the stars above you.

-You guys have so many blanket cuddles, snuggling together. 

-He tickles you with the strange beard of his. But he says your laughter is totally worth it.

-He can also cook pretty damn well. JARVIS Taught him all these cute recipes.

-The amount of times he says ‘I love you,’ because it’s true.

-Forehead kisses. That way he feels like he’s keeping the most important thing safe in his life.

-Interlocking your hands with his and squeezing your fingers in comfort.

TJ Hammond

-You and TJ are best friends for live. You even have the little necklaces with half a heart each and put them together.

-He makes the best movie suggestions. Whenever you have snuggle sessions, he picks out something amazing.

-Making tea together, and clinking glasses.

-He loves that you keep and eye on him and he keeps and eye on you. You’re a good team together.

-Dancing around the flat, but more to rock music, air guitars and everything else.

-’Damn Niamh. If I wasn’t gay, I would totally go for you.’- TJ, 2017.

-You both made a vow to throw out all bad things, and instead you focus on the happiness.

-You keep finding him reading your writing and seeing a cute little smile on his face.

-Wrapping you up in a blanket and calling you his ‘Baby Burrito.’

Chris Beck

-A very big cuddler. He had nearly no physical contact in space, so he likes cuddling you to make up for it.

-Wearing his NASA jumper when you get out the shower because it’s super warm and fluffy.

-Painting a wall in your house like a star system.

-He loves ordering Pizza. For him, Pizza and watching a really cheesy television series is his perfect evening.

-The amount of times he say’s ‘I love you to the moon and back’ ‘Chris, you’ve been to the moon.’

-Introducing you to all his space buddies, because he wants you to know all about his life and how much you mean to him alongside it.

-Sharing Pillows so he can be closer to you.

-Running his hands across your face, and whispering how perfect you are.

-Getting glow in the dark star stickers and sticking them above your bed so it feels like you’re watching the stars in the warmth of home.

Bucky Barnes

-He loves holding your hand with his metal hand because it makes him feel less like a monster.

-Long, lingering kisses. He loves your kisses.

-He loves his time with you. Whether it be reading together, or lying outside on the grass, watching the world go by.

-Going to the library together, and getting lost in the world of books quite happily.

-He loves making pillow forts with you, and then you watch endless movies, hidden away from the world.

-Falling asleep in his arms, and he’ll kiss the top of your head in comfort.

-Nuzzling into his warmth, and he’ll just whisper all these sweet nothings gently in your ear.

-Keeping his arms around you to protect you.

-’I love you Niamh. Never forget that.’

[intothewildsea]

pmuchdead‌:

Shane’s grip on the gun doesn’t waiver, intermittently checking the peephole while she explains herself. Isn’t that what everyone is seeking these days - sanctuary, or at least somewhere to patch themselves up, rest, refuel only for the cycle to repeat itself all over again. Constantly seeking something worthy of protection, only for it to slip out from under you the moment your guard was down. Shane had witnessed it happen far too many times now for him to be overly compassionate. The pain evident in her tone, along with a heavy dose of nerves, he took another glance through the glass - sure enough, he could make out a trickle of red curling down along pale, freckled skin. So, she wasn’t lying about that in particular. It still didn’t mean she didn’t purposely injure herself, and had a band of others just waiting in the brush, waiting for him to open the door. “Can’t let you in,” Simple and succinct, fingers flexing around the handle of his firearm; it was too much of a risk. “… how bad’s it?”

She doesn’t blame him for being wary.  After everything she’s seen, she’s honestly surprised he hasn’t attacked her without talking first.  She’s been around long enough to know that humans have a tendency to attack first and ask questions later.  Though in this scenario it’s a bit justified, she supposed.

Niamh shifts and looks down at her injury.  “Um...it isn’t horrible. Just hurts a lot. I cut it on a piece of metal when I fell down. I tripped.” 

She turns her attention back to the door and the gruff voice that comes from the other side of it.  “You don’t have to let me in. That’s all right.”  She probably sounds much too calm, considering that there were monsters roaming around.  “Is there somewhere else I can stay?”  This is the only house around -- the area’s isolated, for the most part, on the outskirts of a town, but she doesn’t want to walk very far in the dark.