#i may not be a swiftie but this is pretty cool

[ill-procastinato]

The Eras Tour, Lando Norris edition.

Made a desktop wallpaper for @wolfsbanesbite ! I'm open to make other driver editions as well, just throw in a request in the comments!

Timelapse under the cut hehe.

[sage-green-matcha]

MIRRORBALL - ETHAN LANDRY 🪩

“I want you to know, I’m a mirrorball. I’ll show you every version of yourself tonight.” - Taylor Swift

Content includes: fluff, awkward singing at the end, kissing, low key awkward, light smut! Lots of Taylor Swift references ;)

Swiftie Reader x Ethan Landry!

<3

<3

<3

You stood uncomfortably at the side of the party, your heels were wet with alcohol, the shining silver being hit by the artificial rainbow lights. You took off your headband, playing with the disco balls that stuck out the top. The light reflected onto you and you wondered why no one talked to you, or came up to you to dance. It was always you that had to do it.

You were shining, glistening. And Ethan was one of the only people that noticed. The way you shined pulled his eyes in like a deer with headlights. He couldn't stop looking at you, and he wondered why others didn't look at you at all.

You decided to suck it up, looking for anyone to pull out to dance. Your eyes lit up when you spotted Ethan, you knew he was chads roommate and he was also in your Econ class, you also may or may not have a small, flourishing crush on him. "Hey, Ethan" The music got quieter as you approached him, your dress making a tassel sound as you walked. "Hi...what are you?" "Oh, I'm a mirrorball...well I'm a disco ball...It's a Taylor Swift thing" "Oh, I don't know that much about her but cool, you...you look pretty" he could get a closer look at your face. Your eyes were gently patted with silver and white eyeshadow, small gems around your eyes.

"Thanks...I mean thank you, you wanna dance?" You hid your face, blushing at his words "I'm not very good at it" You smiled, your eyes creasing up when you did. "Me either" you shrugged. "Uh, alright then" you took him by the hand, pulling him into the living room. A new song started up, a smile on your face as soon as you recognized the melody. "This is Taylor isn't it?" He'd seen you get excited about a song once or twice before, going home and looking up the songs. He actually enjoyed them, learning the lyrics just for you.

You spun him around, a laugh escaping your mouth since he spun the wrong way. "I think you can do the spinning" he blushed. You stood on your tiptoes, heels gliding you on the wooden floor. The light hit your dress and the shatters of silver light hit Ethan's skin. He was mesmerized by you. You were more than underrated. He didn't understand how no one took you into consideration. It upset him, almost making him mad.

You were such a good person, yet you were always dragged around or left behind. It's like the two of you were tied together with an Invisible string. You were like him, and you didn't make him feel bad about it, unlike Mindy or Sam. "You're shining" You'd never seen someone look at you like that before. It made you feel special. "Just for you" he paused at your words, pulling you closer.

You pressed your hand against his chest, looking up to meet eyes."It's rude to stare, Landry" You barely had time to think before you felt his lips pressed onto yours. He was fearless as he kissed you, making you melt deep into him, closing your eyes. The cherry alcohol seeped from your mouth into his, the taste addicting just like the soft feel of his lips.

His hands were placed on your hips as you pulled away, going back for air. You rested your arms on his shoulders, pulling him back in for another, deeper kiss. "What is happening here? Uhm are we just gonna ignore the fact that these two are practically fucking each other right now?" Mindy's eyes were wide, Chad with a smile on his face.

"Ethan! And that's how you get the girl!! My man!" Chad smiled excitedly. You pulled away, looking at them confused."Mindy shut up, you and Anika are always all up on each other" Chad patted Ethan on the back, standing awkwardly. "Uhm, I think we're gonna head out but I'll see you newlyweds later" Anika joined Mindy's side, waving at you with a small smile.

"Should uhm, we also go?" "We can go to my apartment" his eyes beamed and he nodded, following you out. The walk to your apartment was quiet, small chatter from time to time. You were both too nervous thinking about what might happen tonight to talk. "Do you live far from here?" You shook your head. "I rent a place on Cornelia Street, so only about a 10-minute walk" You were wonderstruck as you walked alongside him, blushing with each step.

You felt your heart race as you unlocked the door, closing it behind him. It smelled just like you, the sweet vanilla chai fragrance filling his nose. He noticed you taking your shoes off, leaving them by the door. "Oh uh, do you want me to take them off?" "If you want" you shrugged. You wrapped around your kitchen, going over to the fridge. "You want something to drink?" "I'm fine. Thank you" he smiled sweetly before looking back down, your cat sitting down on his feet.

"That's Toby, he can be a bit dumb sometimes but he's really friendly" You took a drink of your water, Toby scurrying over to you in a hurry. You picked up the kitten, throwing him over your shoulder as Ethan followed you into your bedroom.

He was in awe, the room was covered in string lights, vines, and curtails hanging from your ceilings. The posters on your wall were messy but also organized, and a record shelf in the corner of your room. Your room smelled different than the rest of your house, the incense on your shelf creating a deep, burned scent. "I don't think I've ever seen one of these" he spun the side of your record gently. He glanced to another corner of your room, noticing a small piano with books piled up on the side. Two guitars hung on the wall.

You came up behind him, wrapping your arm around his waist, taking his hand in the direction of the needle. "Pick it up...and place it on the disc" You guided his hand as he let it drop carefully, the first track from the vinyl playing. "You have all her albums?" "Yea..." you sat on the bed, taking him with you.

The soft sound of "My Tears ricochet" spilled into your room, your head on his shoulder as your kitten sat in his lap. "He likes you" you giggled, Ethan's hand gently petting him. You liked that about Ethan, he was shy and gentle, with you and your friends, with classmates and teachers. He could do no harm.

He was the kind of boy that would bring you flowers, handing one to your little sister to make her feel special too. He took everyone into thought, he wasn't like the regulars, and he didn't engage in revelry or try to go out of his way to impress girls. His grades and perfect hundreds didn't impress you, they kinda intimidated you. He reminded you so much of yourself if you hadn't been curved and bent under the pressure of your parents and teachers.

"You know...I listened to all of Taylor's albums because I wanted to bring it up with you. But I've been too shy to say anything...I've actually grown to really like her...her music is a bit too relatable" Your face was flooded in a maroon color. "You did that for me?" His smile began to look like a smirk, making you roll your eyes.

You looked over at the clock on your nightstand, it was already midnight. "I'm assuming I'm allowed to stay over?" You nodded. He knew you'd want him to stay, he had already made himself at home. You watched as Toby wobbled out of the room, a small adoring smile on both of your faces. "He's really cute, takes after his mom" "You're really cute too" You pressed your forehead against his, your thumb lightly swiping his bottom lip.

He placed his hand on your neck, thumb rubbing your jawline softly as he pulled you closer. It's like he was doing it on purpose, teasing you knowing you would break first. You didn't care, falling on top of him, the material of your dress falling on his skin. Your lips were desperate for more, your hand running up under his shirt. You were sure Ethan was just skinny and lanky, but with the way those collared shirts hugged his biceps, you should've known better.

He let out a small whimper, your thumb matching the same pattern he did on your jawline. His warm hands climbed up your back, lips continuing to kiss you, slowly pulling away to give attention to your neck. You were surprised about how good he was, it's like he already knew everything that would make you feel good. "Can I take it off?" He pulled away, waiting for your response. You nodded and he didn't hesitate, pulling down the zipper slowly.

You sat up, peeling the silver dress off of yourself. His eyes widened when he realized you didn't have a bra on underneath. You placed it gently to the side since it was kinda expensive. You bought it with this exact scenario in mind, you bought it so he could take it off of you. "I would've taken that off much sooner if I'd known you didn't have anything underneath" you chuckled, collapsing into him with another kiss. You became hungry for his lips, his skin. You wanted him so badly. Your stomach was overflowing with butterflies, you'd never had someone so close to you before.

His hand cupped one of your boobs, thumb lightly flicking your hard nipple. You frowned when he pulled away, instead his hands now grabbing your waist, pulling you onto his lap. You looked down at him, a smile on your lips. He looked so good from here. You ran your hands through his hair, sitting yourself on top of him as his hands roamed your body. He was addicted to the soft feel of your skin, the way it smelled, and the small marks that were sprinkled all over it. He wanted to make more on you, on your neck, your chest. He wanted everyone to know that you were his.

You felt him grow hard underneath you, a small gasp escaping your lips. He closed the space between you, kissing and licking at your neck. Sucking on your skin with just enough pressure to make it enjoyable but to also leave a mark. Boldness flooded him as he saw the first hickey he made. Now anyone that saw that would know you were his, only his.

☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆ ~ ☆

You cuddled up to the blanket, body bare beside the panties that you managed to get on. Your eyes were glued to Ethan's face, his soft breaths mixing in with the sound of the end of your record. It put the two of you to sleep, waking up to the repeating sound of static.

You watched as he fluttered his eyes open, smiling once he caught you staring. "Creep" "Don't act like you don't like it" You wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling yourself into his chest. Your warmth mixed, bare boobs on his chest as you played with his hair, Ethan's eyes never coming off of you.

You combed your hands through his brown curls, pulling out face-framing pieces that tickled his forehead. He smiled, closing his eyes. "Stop acting so sweet" you scoffed. "Acting? I'm so sweet Y/n, what do you mean?" He teased, pulling you into a kiss with his hands on your back.

He looked over you, eyes back on the corner of instruments he saw when he came in. "You can play all of those?" You turned to see what he was talking about, forgetting the own layout of your room. "Yea" you got out from under the covers, Ethan frowning at the loss of contact. He watched you as you walked to your closest, pulling an oversized tee over your body.

"You look better topless" you mocked his words, grabbing your guitar from off the wall. You tuned it up a little, Ethan watching you with curiosity. You plucked the first couple of strings and he was taken back. He didn't want to say he thought you'd suck...but he really thought you were gonna suck.  He watched as your fingers glided along the neck of the guitar, fingers on the strings as your other hand plucked them carefully.

"Yea I showed up at your party, will you have me? Will you love me?"

Your head rested on the guitar, smiling at Ethan as he watched you with awe. Your soft voice filled his ears, his heart melting with your voice.

"Will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends?"

You exaggerated your expression, Ethan biting back his lip with his his hand on his jaw, holding up his head as you sang. You were really perfect at everything. He couldn’t think of anything better that he could be doing, well besides you. But he already did that. His admiration for you only grew with each second, a hot feeling in his stomach. He felt like a little schoolboy with a crush, except he actually had a chance.

"If you kiss me, will it be just like I dreamed it? Will it patch your broken wings?" I'm only 17, I don't know anything but I know I miss you"

[feyd-meowtha]

Last line tag

Many thanks to @brotherwtf. This is a bit of a cheat cus my actual last lines were the very end of the scream fic and I'm not giving you those, so have this instead...

“Hello?” Said John, the cool plastic of the phone against his cheek and a smile on his lips.

“Hello,” replied the voice. It sent a shiver down his spine, that particular robotic quality that did nothing to hide the pure venom behind it. The sheer force of intent. It almost took his breath away and he swallowed, thinking of not-Gale in the mask on the other side of the call

“Egan residence, John speaking. May I ask who’s calling?”

“Who do you want to be speaking to?” asked Gale, his voice curling through the line in that particular way that meant he was smiling.

“Hmm,” John paused, “are you Pamela Anderson?”

“Not quite.”

“Jamie Lee Curtis?” John asked, his tongue pressed into the side of his mouth.

“Closer,” crooned the voice, “say, if you know Jamie Lee Curtis then you must like scary movies, right?”

John took a deep breath, phantom fingers on his spine and the hair standing up a on the back of his neck.

“Oh yeah, I love scary movies.”

“Smart girl, in that case you must know what it means when I say that you look very pretty in that red shirt.”

I (no pressure) tag @avonne-writes @luckydeuce @swifty-fox and @weimarweekly

[onceuponapuffin]

Fanatic Intervention Part 23!!!

Okay, so yes this took me a while, but it's here :)

Let's do this.

Beginning || Previous || Next

*********************

With a click, the tripod locked into place. Jeremy went behind his recording phone to check the angle one more time. It looked perfect – he would be dead center of the screen as he started his latest masterpiece. He nodded in satisfaction and hit record. He needed to get as much footage as he could before Doug showed up to “bust” him. As much as his viewers loved watching him do this stuff and get away with it, the numbers always jumped whenever he “got caught” and had to get himself out of trouble. Lucky for him he had friends at the police station who were happy to play along for the right price. Doug, specifically, was his most reliable buddy cop. He had like, 3 kids, so he was always happy to have the extra cash. Jeremy was pretty sure he’d taken them to Disney World on it last year. Jeremy’s dad may not have been around all that much, but one thing he’d made sure Jeremy learned early was the power of holding others’ financial stability in the palm of your hand.

Jeremy stepped into the camera’s line of sight, made it look like he was adjusting the angle, then he winked and ran a hand through his hair. Gotta look cool for the camera. Then, he picked up a bottle of spray paint, shook it, and tossed into the air. He missed the catch, but that’s alright, his editor Luca would make it look good in post. Then he started painting. The comments had asked for him to paint something called Trollface. Honestly he’d had to Google it and he thought it was the weirdest thing he’d ever seen, but if it got him views and followers, then sure. He could see the faint chalk lines that his artist Matteo had drawn for him ahead of time. Luca would erase those in post. With another smile at the camera, Jeremy pressed the trigger, and began painting Trollface on the side of the federal office building.

*******************************

Okay, you decide, the time has come. You need to say something.

“Um, hey everyone?” You start as Crowley steers deeper and deeper into the busy streets of LA, “I think the car is a Swiftie.”

Aziraphale sighs and looks at Crowley. “Is this one I want to ask about? I still rather regret asking last time”

“Listen, every song for the last three hours has been Taylor Swift,” You insist, “And the second someone mentions it, the song changes to a different artist, but then it just goes right back!”

Anathema raises an eyebrow at you.

“Don’t give me that look,” You say to her, “You are not someone who should be looking at me like I’m crazy.”

“Maybe it’s just an AI feature,” Sardis suggests, “You know, it sees that there are Taylor Swift songs on our playlist, and Taylor Swift is a pretty big deal right now, so it just gives us more of her songs.”

“No,” You say, “It’s the car, I’m sure of it--” You’re prevented from saying anything else because Crowley slams on the break and leans on the horn. Someone had the audacity to try and cut him off. You have no idea who would try something like that, but you are very sure that they will find themselves regretting it later. To your right, you see Sardis shaking his head. Anathema is swearing under her breath in at least two languages, and Aziraphale is holding on to anything he can get a grip on as though his life depends on it. You, for your part, are trying a bunch of breathing techniques to try and shake off the shock of what just happened. While inhaling and counting on your fingers, you happen to look out the window, and you get the breath knocked out of you for a second time.

“WAIT I THINK I SEE HIM!” You scream, pointing out the window. Crowley slams on the brakes again and swerves in the direction you’re pointing. A corner of your brain is once again comforted to realize that he does actually use his mirrors. Aziraphale shrieks and grabs the overhead handle with both hands. Anathema swears really loudly, but Sardis actually looks where you pointed and becomes rather excitable himself.

“THAT’S HIM! THAT’S HIM!” Sardis yells, confirming your suspicion.

What are the chances, right? Yeah, okay we’ve done this bit before, I’m not gonna harp on it. You get how this goes by now. Suspend your disbelief – we have things to do.

The kid in question – Jeremy – is busily vandalizing the side of an office building. He’s within view of the street, which honestly you find really annoying. Couldn’t he at least have the decency to go around back? No, you figure, probably not. That tik tok seemed to suggest that he wanted to get caught. How on earth were you going to convince him to help save the world?

The car comes to a screeching halt right behind the boy who, weirdly enough, doesn’t seem alarmed by the sound. He doesn’t jump or anything. At least, not until he turns around, then he almost leaps three feet in the air. There’s suddenly surprise and confusion on his face as Crowley cuts the engine and hops out. Aziraphale also scrambles out the door, but you figure that’s probably less about the mission and more about Crowley’s driving.

Jeremy drops his spray paint and runs.

Aziraphale groans. “Must it be running?” He asks no one in particular. There isn’t any time to reply before Sardis goes rushing past the lot of you.

“You coming slowpokes?” He calls over his shoulder.

“No!” Aziraphale answers, “You’re doing quite well on your own! We’ll catch up with you!”

“Speak for yourself!” Anathema huffs at the angel. Then she picks up her skirt and starts running after Sardis, heels and all. You look over your shoulder and see that Crowley and Aziraphale have hopped back in the car. Wait, wait, you’re gonna get left behind. After only a second of indecision, you book it back to the car behind the husbands and you only just manage to get your other foot in the door before the door slams behind you and Crowley takes off at full speed. How does he know where he’s going? You have no idea, but you’re not asking questions. Besides, you’re busy being thrown around the backseat because he took off too fast for you to put on your seatbelt.

“OI! OUTTA THE WAY!!” He yells, full volume, laying on the horn. The traffic bends to his will, as do the lights. There are miraculous spaces for Crowley to weave between cars, every light is green, and he drives through construction zones without any trouble. Once you finally manage to sit back up and click in a seatbelt (it immediately locks tight, which is uncomfortable, but you decide it’s the better of your options), you glance at Aziraphale, whose eyes are shut tight. You vaguely register that the car has started playing Taylor Swift again.

“You okay, Azi?” You call. The seatbelt is constricting you too much to get his full name out. Fortunately he seems MUCH too distracted to notice.

“As long as Crowley doesn’t discorporate us, I’ll be fine,” The angel mutters. The look on his face says otherwise.

“Yeah, Crowley please don’t kill us,” You call to the driver’s seat. From the rearview mirror you can see the smile on his face, and just how yellow his eyes are getting.

“We’ll be FINE,” He says through his devilish smile, as a maniacal laugh rises in his throat. Well, nice to see someone is enjoying themselves.

“Good lord,” Aziraphale mutters. Honestly, you can’t tell if he’s trying to be sassy or if he’s actually praying. Could easily be either.

You close your eyes, and do your best not to throw up.

After what feels like too long, the car finally drifts to a screeching halt. You’re thrown sideways, and find yourself feeling grateful for the hug of the seatbelt – it’s the only thing keeping you from being thrown against the door like a ragdoll. The doors and seatbelt unlock with a click, and your door is thrown open for you. It takes you a second to get your bearings, and as soon as you step out of the car, you see three figures running toward you at full speed. Jeremy, and right behind him, Sardis and Anathema.

Jeremy’s attention is behind him. Clearly he doesn’t expect anyone to have gone around. By the time he looks back, he’s going to fast to stop – and he bumps into Crowley.

“Well well well,” The demon says, towering over the teen, “It’s been a while, now, hasn’t it?”

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 🖤

As per usual, feel free to tell me your thoughts and ideas in the comments :)

I'll to my best to keep the updates on some kind of normal-ish schedule.

Beginning || Previous || Next

[lightning-and-sparks]

what made you pick the canon coaches (Hadley, Sandy (Whitney coach), Talia, and Alzena) to appear in your fic? Was there any reason or did you just like them?

IM SO EXCITED TO ANSWER THIS.

Hadley:

So he’s the Harry Styles coach but he also gives like similar vibes to Jack Rose and kinda has this very “I’m better than you, I was the leader of the boy band” vibe that I loved. I didn’t talk about this in Thorns yet but I may as well, the real reason Jack Rose hates him is because he believes Hadley was spreading rumors around the industry that he sleeps with producers. Did Hadley say it? Maybe.

Also because they seemed like rivals and one of them stole this move from the other.

Sandy:

She’s every woman.

I’m jk, originally I had Sandy as Whitney but I just decided to change it and make it the coach’s name. I did have her aged up because idk felt like her map was way before others but it gives her a more funny and mature vibe. Hopefully, we see more Sandy and how she ended up on Eternyx.

Talia Sway:

She had a last name… no but for real, I may get some heat but I’m not a Swifty and thought I’d seek some revenge for all those private jet flights. Talia kinda screamed fake with the shifting backgrounds and again, I don’t really like Taylor Swift and I wanted pop stars pitted against each other. Taylor Swift vs Bruno Mars. Also, she has beef with the Vampire Lestat @lizards-wizards-and-magpies

Alzena:

If you didn’t know I’m such a huge Linkin Park fan. Kinda shot myself in the foot with the music aesthetic but I wanted to weave them in. Alzena is such a cool coach and looks Eternian so I wanted some solid proof to back Roland’s hate of Eternians. She’s so pretty and the map screams like liberation from someone especially, “be more like me and be less like you.” Hinting at her rejecting Dancite standards and doing what she decides. Keep your eyes peeled for Alzena ;D

Thank you so much for this ask! My inbox is always open but I try my best to get to all of them😁

[griffinjonshen]

I went from some weird small tiny character nobody knew. To a huge character… pretty cool right? Yeah I’m right I know don’t need to flatter me Bruv

I guess it’s only fair everyone else learns about *the angry Brit* or as other people know *Chris James Garcia the III* more under the cut I guess though idk I didn’t think about it enough soooo ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Chris was born in Great Britain, 1997, July 27th (it’s 2007 in that universe)

Relationship life? Chris is in a same-sex relationship. With whom you ask? Someone in the spectrum named Norman Nasher you can see some gay art of them on @normris

His family life you may ask? He has 3 sisters one of them died because Chris pushed them into a bus for “insurance fraud” and won the case for it. He has 15 cousins 8 of them are deceased or braindead because Chris really wants money so he did more “insurance fraud” just so ya know. He lived with his father because his mother is deceased.

Likes: he loves Taylor Swift (he’s a swiftie) he likes reacting to stuff and does Tumblr.

Dislikes: Americans, toothpaste and toothbrushes, when there’s no tea, and blondes (except Taylor swift)

Fun facts: he went through an emo phase once, he knows how to play a guitar, and has poor hygiene

……Well that’s all I thought of but I’ll probably have to be more creative……

[merp-blerp]

My updated opinions on Gaylor, from a lesbian Swiftie

Disclaimer: I will be linking to some Gaylor posts where I get my info; please do not attack anyone who made these post if you don’t agree with them. Just scroll away or click out of the post. And do the same with mine if you don’t agree with me. I don’t condone harassment of any kind to anyone who hasn’t done anything wrong.

So in this older reblog of mine, among others, I spoke out on my opinions on “Gaylor”, a sub-fanbase in the swiftie fandom based on the belief that Taylor Swift is a part of the LGBTQ+ community secretly, or half-secretly. However, my thoughts have evolved and I want to make my personal opinions clear. My feelings are always evolving and that’s okay. They may continue to change. This has been stuck in my drafts for months. I’ve always wanted to make this post since I began posting about Taylor so often around the pandemic, but for a while the time never felt quite right and more importantly my thoughts weren’t clear. Several events had made me want to make this post and I think I’m ready to finish and post this.

I’ve been a Taylor Swift fan since 2010, but I only began to consider myself a swiftie around 2018 because that’s when I started really looking into Taylor as a person. To me a swiftie is someone who not only occasionally listens to Tay’s most popular songs, but someone who is actively in the fandom and possibly knows some basic information on Taylor. At the very least, a swiftie knows more than what’s on the radio (doesn’t mean that you’re not a “real fan” if you’re not a swiftie by my definition of one). When I started to enter the fandom, trying to learn info on Tay, the first pieces of it I saw were the Kaylors, because I’m gay and my internet algorithm knew that all too well. I actually thought it was true at the time, in the sense that I didn’t know it was a theory and thought that it was just some info I didn’t know. I remember being confused on why I had never heard about Taylor’s girlfriend Karlie Kloss before. Once I leaned it was just a theory I somewhat distanced myself from that side of the fandom because I didn’t want to get too wrapped up in a conspiracy theory. I was literally in a class that was all about not doing that at the time.

I continued my journey to do my research and felt confident enough to call myself a swiftie by 2020. I started seeing what I now know were just fragments of how some typical swifties view Gaylors. Some seemed distant and unassociating (not really homophonic, though), so I felt subconsciously reassured to continue my semi distant nature towards them. When Kit Conner’s unfortunate outing happened I felt even more validated. I didn’t want to think Gaylors were bad, but I didn’t know what to really think of them and continued to stay distant. I’ve always respected respectful Gaylors. Eventually Jaylor/Toe broke up. I made a post about how this breakup affected me at the time. I am admittedly a very hopeless romantic. The general narrative of Jaylor/Toe was something I really connected to when it came to my wants for my own love life. So it effected me pretty greatly. But it did help open me to looking more into Gaylors. Maybe I was trying to get my hopeless romantic fix somewhere. But really I think I just felt free to do so while Taylor was publicly single; like I wasn’t “disrespecting” any relationship by doing so. I had already thought about looking into the Gaylors before, to the point where my paranoid anxiety disorder very very briefly wondered if I jinked Jaylor, so my Gaylor research wasn’t necessarily connected to the breakup. It just kicked it into full gear.

So, the idea of Kaylor to me. Pretty cute! It’d be a great story. And I think some theories are cool. There are some that don’t make sense to me, but there are some that are super interesting. I saw one that theorized that Taylor burning down the lover house was representative of her burning down this albums 1-10 era we’re closing in on so that the next era can begin with her entering a new phase in her career. Presumably in this theory, a phase where she’s out and gets to write songs about the people she wants to. I’ve seen the coincidences/Koincidences. All that sounds possible. I also get that Jaylor/Toe had inconsistencies in it’s assumed narrative, likely ‘cause you never know the full story of anything when it comes to celebs. I’ve heard the audio of Jack seemingly slipping up during that one interview. Yes, “Wonderland” could totally be about Dianna Agron. Yes, I want to take my future girlfriend to Big Sur now—what’s it to ya—it looks so cozy and sweet. Karlie and Taylor’s pasts are arguably more “parallel lines” than Taylor and Joe’s. I see the queer-coding and get that speculating Tay’s sexuality is arguably not invasive because that’s how queer people find each other in real life. We look for codes in other people. Hints they might give that they are queer. That’s a historical thing we do. She might queer-code a lot. I also see the evidence that Karlie didn’t betray Taylor (had no clue all this time the main source of evidence was Perez Hilton—the fuck? That’s not a good source). I also know that a lot of Taylor’s friends have referenced Gaylor lore very loudly, insinuating that Taylor doesn’t mind the theories. I’ve seen a lot. There is so much, and honestly, it’s fun to imagine all of this being right. I think it’s a possibility.

After all this research and contemplating, the only things I don’t care for in the fandom is the seemingly making fun of Taylor’s ex’s or beards that didn't do anything wrong to her. I don’t get what’s gained by calling Joe Alwyn rude names or censoring his name like it’s a curse word. I get and agree that bearding still happens and it’s super wrong, and you can hate what Joe might’ve represented in Taylor’s life if she’s gay and being closeted by managers or something similar to that. But why hate him or tease him personally? Especially since I’ve also seen some, typically half-hearted theories that Joe is also queer. Wouldn’t it be hypocritical to adore a closeted artist you admire, but personally hate her also queer closeted beard because… he gets in the way of a ship or narrative? Or because, by no fault of his own, Hollywood has a broken system that forces fake dating? Hate the industry, not him. Yes, he’s pretty aloof, to the point where when you tease him it feels like teasing a blank slate, but he is a human being with feelings. Maybe it’s the sensitive bullied kid in me, but it doesn’t seem light-hearted or no big deal to me. I’m not mad yet, just confused. Am I missing something or is sarcasm going over my head? Genuinely asking. This is really just a swiftie problem I think, as it happens in the general fandom too for similar reasons. I know this isn’t everyone in the fandom though.

I also don’t agree with the more… intense theories, such as Karlie’s son Levi (and her currently upcoming baby) isn’t real or not actually her’s. Or that she isn’t really Jewish and it’s all just a part of the bearding. That feels odd. Just… I feel uncomfortable touching that. Gaylors who believe these things seem to be in the minority though. I don't think being queer has much to do with being Jewish. Maybe she just wanted to convert and Josh also happened to be Jewish as well. And maybe Taylor could be like Levi’s stepmom-type figure and Josh is more like a sperm donor or something—I dunno…

If Taylor outright said that she was straight personally I wouldn’t label her as a queer-baiter because it’s not baiting to exist as you are. I think straight and/or cis people should feel comfortable with expressing things like gender-nonconformity or doing things like enjoying rainbows, and the fact that most don’t is rooted in that homophobia thing we’ve been trying to fight against since the 60s. And in my opinion real people can’t queerbait. But I get that this topic is a very nuanced one that can touch a nerve and you’re allowed to disagree with me.

I should also mention that all these opinions are exclusive to Gaylor. I’m not deep enough in other fandoms like the One Direction/Larry Stylinson or Fifth Harmony/Camren fandoms to really say anything on them specifically.

So am I a Gaylor now? I don’t know. Legitimately, do I get to call myself that? I do love, and always have loved, queer interpretations of Taylor’s music and other forms of media. I’m also confident in saying that I’m open to both Gaylor narratives and general narratives about Taylor being true. I can’t take either side as fully the truth while the other’s a lie, not because I’m shunning one of them, but because that just not how I work as a person. Nothing ever feels definitive to me unless it’s a fact in my face. I’m very factual. Not shunning Gaylors, this is just how I work. Would that count as a Gaylor? I truly don’t know.

So, Gaylors, I hope I was respectful enough to your community. If I said anything off, or anything that misrepresented your community, please kindly let me know and educate me. I’m still learning. I’m very sorry some of the swifties in this fandom are homophonic trash. I had no clue it was that bad till I saw what some people left behind in your post. Uncalled for. Taylor, queer or not, would not approve. Shade never made anybody less gay. If you’re a bigot what are you even doing in this fandom? Gaylors, just know you guys are safe with me.

Except me to now have a mix of general swiftie post and Gaylor post reblogged here (if I didn’t do that already—I might’ve without fully realizing). Thanks for reading and being respectful and kind!

🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

what was your view of coney island when it was released and what is it now?

because with all the new information we have about that relationship I honestly think this song is kind of the mother of midnights. the reference to old relationships in the bridge and knowing that he wrote or contributed in some way today makes me think that that reflection on the song was about them

idk, for me there is a bridge between coney island -> most of the tracks of midnights -> dear reader -> hits different -> ttpd

makes sense to you? I thought about asking about this song when you were talking about cold in some other song that I don't remember which one it was, but it reminded me of “and it gets colder and colder when the sun goes down” 😂

OK so one thing to know about me is that despite the fact that I've been listening to Taylor casually since Debut, was a huge fan of 1989, and consider myself a pretty serious fan since at least Lover (as in that's when I started following her more online and not just for the music), I really didn't know much about the personal lore until after folklore 😂 I loved her music, but I wasn't the type to be like, "omg this song is about this person!! Or this event!!" when I'd listen to it. Obviously, some of them were obvious to me (e.g. LWYMMD, Paper Rings, Bad Blood, etc.) but what I'm saying is that I didn't dissect the muses or inspiration as much as I connected with the lyrics.

And the next thing to know about me is that even though evermore is my favourite album... Coney Island is not a song I think about a lot 😂 I know, that's going to send me to Swiftie jail. I don't dislike it! It's just not one of the ones I gravitate towards generally unless I'm listening to the album in full. So when evermore came out, I honestly just thought it was a complex story about a relationship breakdown that she wrote with the dudes from The National. 😂 Obviously I knew a lot of Taylor's music was personal, but I was also of the belief (and still am tbh) that while she may have taken emotions and situations she's experienced and put them into her songs, the actual details/circumstances aren't always factual. (Hence, folkmore. I clocked that before it was cool haha.)

So back to Coney Island. I would say that when it came out, I didn't think of it at all in terms of her personal relationship. I could certainly believe some personal feelings infused in it, because like I said that's what writers do. But it wasn't a song that, like, gave me pause. (As opposed to, say, False God, which immediately sent red flags up to me when Lover came out.) And tbh, I still don't know, precisely because it was written collaboratively. I think I see it sort of like The Alcott -- you can certainly see where her influence is, and can infer what inspired it, but I'm not sure how much of the story is hers and how much is Aaron/Bryce/Matt?/or Joe's writing. Looking at the credits, I don't know if Taylor wrote it all and the National dudes just got credit because of the music as is often the case when they get credit, or if they all wrote it collaboratively or what.

Reading the lyrics now, like really reading them, it's kind of a lot tbh lol. "And if this is the long haul, how'd we get here so soon?" is a lyric that has always stuck with me, like suddenly coming to an impasse you didn't even know was on the horizon. I'm actually like, processing this song for the first time I think, which is a little scary four years down the line lol. So thanks for that I guess? 🥴 j/k.

I guess it's hard for me to really deconstruct in this context just because I'm not entirely sure where it falls on the inspiration line. But I do think that it may be quite telling and I can see the pipeline to Midnights you mention. And, um, the quiet resentment. "The question pounds my head, 'What's a lifetime of achievement?' if I pushed you to the edge, but you were too polite to leave me," is ooooooooof. Like. Yeah. Because that's kind of the crux of a lot of Midnights, which culminates in TTPD. The golden age coming to a whimpering end before you know it, the distance, the miscommunication, the misunderstanding, the lack of consideration, but still the kernel of love underneath it all that makes it so hard to let go.

Thanks for this! It definitely gave me something to think about! What was your line of thinking on it?

[mariacallous]

#SwiftTok had a rough day. Early Thursday, after Universal Music Group and TikTok failed to reach an agreement on licensing music from UMG artists on the app, sounds from those artists—including Taylor Swift, Drake, and others—went silent.

“Some of my most viewed videos are ones talking about Taylor Swift that have Taylor Swift songs in the background,” says Savannah Delullo, a Wordle influencer on TikTok and a Swiftie. “So, them being muted is pretty sad, because we put in all of that work.”

Delullo notes that creators might switch over to alternative versions of the official songs or experiment with ways to avoid copyrighted music altogether, but still the mood on #SwiftTok is far from light.

“Half my drafts are muted now,” says Madeline Macrae, a Swift fan and TikTok creator. While initially frustrated by the change, Macrae thinks there might be positive impacts. Even though many ardent fans value the online community built through social media, some are also uncomfortable with the flattening of poetic songs into 60-second memes. “Songs that Swifties would usually gatekeep aren't going to be TikTok-ified now,” she says.

It’s not just Swifties who are missing music on TikTok. Multiple videos posted on Olivia Rodrigo’s official account, including one with over 50 million views, are now quiet. Similarly, TikToks with UMG licensed music posted by Billie Eilish to promote her album display the message “This sound isn’t available.”

During recent years, UMG and other labels have built marketing strategies around getting songs to go viral with the TikTok algorithm. Younger users see the platform as a great way to discover their next favorite song and build out cool playlists. If TikTok and UMG don’t reach a new deal soon, the prohibition could dramatically alter how artists tease new music and connect with fans through social media.

In an email to WIRED, Barney Hooper, a global head of music communications at TikTok, indicated that the change impacts only music from UMG and confirmed that videos with previously licensed music will stay muted until another deal is closed. Soon, TikTok might also take steps to remove songs in the Universal Music Publishing Group catalog, which would increase the number of impacted artists.

So, licensed music from UMG artists is gone from TikTok, for now, but it remains unclear what will happen to unofficial remixes and mashups as the catalog is wiped from the platform. Viral sounds on TikTok are sometimes warped versions of an original song, with vocals frequently sped up, and while some of those sounds remained on the platform Thursday, they may not for much longer.

A well-known musician for almost two decades, Swift has seen her popularity skyrocket in recent years. Her Eras Tour is so massive it has the power to impact local economies and her appearances at NFL games to watch her boyfriend, Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce, play have altered football viewership this season. Losing her music as well as tunes from Drake and others in UMG’s lineup could alter the fabric of TikTok itself.

Swift’s songs may no longer be all over the platform, but music remains core to the user experience of scrolling through TikTok. The cascade of snippets from huge artists disappearing could even usher in a new era on the For You Page feed. “I feel like a silver lining to this is that smaller or independent artists can have their chance to go viral,” says Macrae.

[jewishbarbies]

Hi! So I just recently found your blog and I think it really helped me with the validation I needed by this new light I looked at Taylor.

So long story short I've been a swiftie for a long time now and trust me I WAS A BIG FAN like a total HARDCORE swiftie. But apparently I started to question stuff about the girl I put on a high pedestal for years after midnights was released and I'm not gonna lie that I totally like Would've, could've, should've but then I was like, miss girl wasn't that was approximately FOURTEEN YEARS AGO? Then I realized this pattern of her that she just can't seem to move on from the past like ever and the songs on midnights kinda solidified that and I think it's also because I really expected the sleepless nights of her to be yk not about her PAST relationships but it was 🫤

Then this M*atty Healy thing happened and I went down to a rabbit hole of why people may or may not like her music but don't like her and it just CLICKED. And tbh I kinda felt betrayed because of how deep I was in the whole parasocial relationship thing that apparently she encouraged and perhaps for the sake of sales and not for the sake that she probably really appreciates us Swifties. Like at that moment I just started to question EVERYTHING then I realized that this image of Taylor that I know is just a brand. That's it. I don't know her and I bought this image of her and somewhat became a part of her mob mentality. It's really devastating because I really thought she was being her authentic self in front of us but turns out it's probably all a show for the capitalist mindset of her and her team.

And it's such a shame because I still like her music but I am learning to separate it from the Taylor Swift TM but it's lowkey is pretty hard. Also such a shame in her part because I feel like if she was some underground singer that just focused on making music and didn't care about being number one on the charts or the sales or her public image - she wouldn't be the way she is now and wouldn't have half of the problems she has and had in her life (e.g. Kanye, some of her squad friends turning into enemies, her codependency (she seriously can't stay single and that screams codependency and not being able to be alone with yourself), constant seeking of validation and many more) and I feel like she would've been more humbler.

Another thing is that I don't blame swifties for the way that they are, I mean she cultivated it herself like if she had called out their disrespectful behaviors, they wouldn't be harassing people. Another is that if she had been more accountable for her actions, her fans would be too. The way she controlled the narrative during 2016 affected the entire fandom the way it is now. Such a shame that if people have a shit ton of money it's either that they give it away and yk not hoard it or let it go through their heads I mean despite the way she is now, I can't lie that though her rich ass parents jump started her career, all she wanted to do was just play songs but when she got super famous and earned a shit ton of money, that's where it all went down. It's like her fame emotionally stunted her. I seriously think she needs a therapist other than her mother because she literally sang a line about her mother always being on her side despite her being the wrong one. Andrea swift may have made her a nice child that said her thanks and showed appreciation but teaching her to take responsibility for her actions and take accountability for her wrong doings, she kinda slacked there perhaps.

That was when I realized that being famous and achieving the same level of influence as her... isn't always a glitz and glamour or cool enough for me to be jealous now (sure I would be about 'forever is the sweetest con' line (her writing) and her loving parents but still' like imagine spending the rest of you life just calculating every move that will contribute good in your image? And thinking about how to earn a million more dollars from your personal life and antagonize some people in it through your songs? Losing that one guy that really showed you what a healthy and loving relationship is because you wanted to continue your career built upon lies and deceit and capitalism? I'd rather continue being an invisible middle class.

Okay the scariest part of it all is how all the people she antagonizes don't have a say without being called sexist, misogynistic or a hater. But the most TERRIFYING part is how her legacy as this 'best' singer-songwriter of the 21sr century will live on without her entire fanbase seeing her in this light that I did. It's like brainwashing.

Everything I'm feeling right now is like Colors by Halsey as it's about a song of falling out of love with a person after the colors that you once loved about come out of them after they changed a lot negatively. Funny cause that song was about M*tty Healy.

Thanks for reading!

omg I was reading the last paragraph and I was like “lmao that song was about matty” and then you said it in the next sentence 💀

glad you’re free of it all bestie! it gets better, I promise.

[soap-lady]

I was sick and this is why I’m late, don’t @ me

Hello, everyone!

Thank you all for waiting. I’m shocked anyone is still reading this fic but @arylace and I are incredibly grateful to those who like this story. I was ill which is why this was late. Not the flu or Covid, just a virus that kicked my butt.

Taglist:

@fantasiame, @g-arya, @lavenderjunes, @charlietheepic7, @ahenix, @delectablycoolscientist, @kaseykay17, @vio-march-0327, @mewwitch, @vixen-uchiha, @coolspidermanmusicflower, @lady-bee-fechin, @raeuberprinzessin, @symwinter, @frieddonutsweets, @seraphkitty, @friendsofthefairies, @nickristus-dreamer, @khneltea, @jumpingjoy82, @fan-written, @woe-is-me0,@corporeal-terrestrial, @queenmjean, @theymakeupfairies, @dorkus-minimus, @idk-j-go-with-it, @aespades, @swiftie-miraculer13,@moongoddesskiana, @arty-shadow-morningstar, @ahalloweengirl, @the-navistar-carol, @bigpicklebananatree, @novicevoice, @nerd-nowandforever, @certainmuffinbagelcalzone, @irontimetravelflower, @jjmjjktth, @dopefestsuit, @morning-wolf-designs, @alcoholic-barney, @just-living5, @chocolatecatstheron, @another-cancer, @hammalammadamdam, @ichigorose

Worthy Opponent Chapter 20

Jack Watson allowed himself to be tugged along by Felicity Dupin. “So what’s this thing I have to see without Holmes around?”

She stopped so fast he nearly ran into her. Looking over her shoulder she asked him, “Do you really want to be around Barry when he’s being a colossal horse’s ass?”

He needed less than a second to think about it. “No.”

“Well, come along then.”

She grabbed his hand again and pulled him with her. He smiled at the back of her head. He wondered if she knew how pretty she was when she was taking charge.

Felicity guided him past study rooms and a tea parlor (some of the students were British after all) to a small closet whose door knob was on the wrong side. Jack watched as she turned the knob counterclockwise and the knob slid away to reveal a keypad. She grinned up at his surprised face. “Secret clubhouse. It’s only available to members of the Founding Families. What I want to show you is here.”

Jack smiled at the idea of generations of Holmes, Watsons, Dupains, Marples and Poirots having meetings in a hidden room. “Cool, but why?”

She shrugged then punched in the code. “Secrecy. Protection.” She glanced up at him. “I’m sure the Nazis or the Central Powers would have loved to have taken the world’s most famous detectives prisoner. Or just kill them.”

He nodded and the door slid open. Felicity glanced down the hall in both directions, grabbed his arm and pulled him in before the door slid closed.

Jack’s eyes widened as LED wall sconces lit up as they passed and turned towards Felicity. “Wow. This is…a lot.”

She laughed. “What? Did you just now realize you belonged to a secret society?” She continued to walk down the hall while he followed behind her, feeling like a hick. “There’s all sorts of secret tunnels and hidden rooms in here. It’s how we survived the Nazi occupation. There’s probably secret places in all three schools.” She looked over her shoulder and smiled at him. “Don’t feel bad. Even Barry only knows about half of them.”

“So that’s yet another thing he can hold over my head. Goody,” Jack muttered as they approached an ornate oaken door with the school’s crest carved into it.

She paused as she was turning the knight’s helmet in the Holmes family crest upside down. “Do you really care? That he knows stuff you don’t?”

He thought for a moment. “Nah. Despite what he thinks, my life doesn't have to revolve around him.”

“Mais non,” she replied with a saucy wink and turned the pine tree in the Dupin family crest right side up. The door opened and they stepped inside.

Jack paused. “Aren’t we going to shut the door?”

Felicity shook her head. “Why bother? No one knows to get in here if they’re not one of the founding members. Not even the Headmaster.” She grinned and he was struck once again by her confidence. Playful, where Holmes was arrogant.

“Besides,” she began to flip switches and lights and an unseen fan whirred to life, “it’s always stuffy in here until the fan’s been on awhile. Come on and sit down.”

Jack looked around, surprised at the size of the room. It was easily three times what he was expecting and light and bright where the Headmaster’s office was all dark wood and Turkish rugs, this room had blond parquet flooring with matching recessed bookcases. The walls were eggshell blue with silver fleur-de-lis stenciled on top of the paint, very French. This room was more Dupin’s style while the Headmaster’s office was very Holmes. Jack wondered if there was a Watson room somewhere.

The furniture was a mishmash of styles, clearly scrounged from other parts of the school. The chairs and the couch were no doubt vintage but they had been reupholstered and were lovingly polished. Some Dupin family retainer probably maintained the place, no doubt someone trusted by the school and Felicity’s relatives; someone who could keep a secret. Jack wondered if there were any Watson family retainers running around. He made a mental note to ask Felicity later.

There were a few modern touches too; sleek black metal desks with ergonomic chairs and desk or laptops lovingly built by Jayden. A Cola Style Machine took up one corner while a small kitchenette with a microwave, steel refrigerator with a matching stove filled up another. There was another door that led to what Jack assumed was a bathroom.

“Cozy, huh?” Felicity spoke up after he was done looking around. She smiled, eyes going soft. “Barry suggested having a professional redo the room but he would have done something grand and posh and boring. I wanted something simple and Seabert and Elinor voted with me while Jayden abstained. Welcome to the Founders Room, Jack Watson.” She motioned in the general direction of the soda machine. “Fix us something to drink, please. I want to show you something but I have to find it first.”

“Sure,” Jack crossed the room. The drink machine had a built-in ice maker with cup dispensers underneath. He was beginning to feel a little grubby when he thought about the kind of life of luxury the other kids must have taken for granted while his mom struggled. Fortunately none of them were snobs; except maybe for Barry. He had vague recollections of his former life but everyone but “Filly” was a blur. He mostly remembered his parents fighting, when his father was home at all.

“What kind?”

Felicity stopped searching for a moment. “Surprise me.”

He nodded to himself and fixed two drinks; lemon cola for himself and Orangina for Felicity. The coffee table had an inlaid marble top so he  looked in the drawers in the kitchenette for coasters. Finding two he put them on the table and set the drinks down.

Felicity found what she was looking for on the top shelf of the third bookcase and padded over to the couch where she sat down and patted the seat beside her.

Jack took a seat and looked over at what Felicity had in her lap. “Is that an actual photo album? Like pictures taken using actual film and developed?”

She nodded. “Yup. The staff’s a little old-fashioned around here, in case you didn’t notice. So…yeah. Real pictures developed from actual film. She opened the album and slid it so it was balanced on both of their legs. “Take a look.”

He did and saw a miniature version of himself in the class uniform posing with a group of kids of similar size. There were around twelve children sitting in two rows with six children in each row. The taller children sat behind the shorter children. He recognized himself, Barry, Jayden and Seabert. Jayden wore his hair plaited and Seabert hadn’t quite grown into his ears. One of the others might have been Nick Charles IV but he wasn’t sure. The last boy reminded him of Marlowe. He was seated by Jayden Spade and looked angry. Jack sat next to Barry and looked bored while Barry looked annoyed. He was probably upset that Watson didn’t immediately fall down and worship him on the first day of school. He grinned at the thought.

He looked for Elinor and Felicity next. He smiled at Felicity when he spotted her. She’d worn her hair short back then after Barry had “accidentally” gotten gum in her hair. Elinor had wanted to cut her own hair to show support but her parents hadn’t let her. Instead she started braiding it and having it pinned up to look like it was short. Aubrey had done the same but with microbraids. He was sure Felicity had appreciated the effort. Elinore sat in front of Seabert while Felicity claimed the spot in front of him. He grinned. Even back then, the battle lines had been drawn. Flick and Jack versus Barry.

Felicity nudged him with her shoulder and also smiled at the pictures. “We were pretty cute, huh?”

Jack looked over at her. He could still see the mischievous girl she’d been and felt sorry he’d been yanked away to America by his mom. “Yeah,” he finally answered. “But we’re damn hot now.”

She laughed and looked over his side at the album. “How could we not be?” She peered down at his younger self. “Your cheekbones were unfairly sharp, even back then.”

He chuckled. “True. Then again, even with a bowl cut, you were still the prettiest girl in the class.”

“I know.” She pretended to preen and they laughed together again.

Looking at these photos made him recall other things. Like the time they’d build a detective’s office out of cardboard at Jayden’s house. The sleepover at Seabert’s where he’d confided to Doctor Poirot about his parents’ arguing. All of them getting their butts kicked at Operation by Aubrey.

He also remembered how Felicity and Elinor used to share their lunches with him when his parents had stayed up the whole night fighting and neither remembered to make him one. He and Felicity would sneak off to have secret “best friend” picnics when Jack needed to talk. Barry would follow them and give Jack half of his lunch because “his cook always made too much anyway.” Barry later confided he deliberately asked his cook for extra for an excuse to get away from all the people who chased him and tried to kiss him during recess. At the time Jack and Felicity thought he was just trying to brag about how popular he was but now he wondered if Barry sometimes wanted a break from the spotlight.

He flipped through the photos, smiling at some and outright laughing at others. They had all gotten into trouble together and pulled each other out of it as well. They’d stuck together, even when fighting each other.

Jack turned to the last page and the smile fell off his face.

The last picture had to be of his last day. The entire class was sitting around a table. There was a cake in front of his younger self, but he wouldn’t even look at it. One arm was around a crying Felicity who was clinging to him and the other was patting Barry on the shoulder. The blond boy looked like he was at a wake, not a party. His haunted eyes were better equipped to be in a painting of a dying Victorian child, not a living, breathing boy. Hazy memories of that day flashed in his mind, of how everyone seemed to give space to the three: Felicity, Barrington, and Jack sharing their final moments.

How the lunch ladies made berry cookies because Barrington thought it was funny, for Flick and Jack had black-blue hair like rich and sweet blackberries. How Barrington was called Barry by friends, a berry cookie stained in purple-pink and white chocolate, for Barry was the palest of the three, that filled their mouths in sweetness that wasn’t so saccharine. A little tin filled with recipes of all of Jack’s favorite foods from Barry, meticulously organized by category, season, and then alphabetically; so his new school could cook the best for his Watson.

Flick had made charm bracelets for the three of them; a silver girl in between two silver boys with beads of pink, teal, and purple. How Jack’s charm was a music note, as he always showed how better he was in music than Barry. How Barry had a little crown because Flick said “your royal pain in the butt” one time he won in chess. Flick's charm was a little horseshoe because she took to equestrian sports like a duck to water. There were some smaller charms for other things, a little Eiffel Tower and Big Ben; green, yellow, and cyan beads for their other friends.

There was a banner behind him that read “We’ll miss you, Jack!”. Only the adults in the room were smiling and even those were strained. It was incredibly depressing to look at the picture so he closed the book and handed it back to Felicity without a word.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly as she took the book back. “It’s been years since I remembered we even had this album. I’d forgotten that picture was in there.”

She stood up and put the album back where she found it then sat back down.

She sat at the end of the couch, as far as she could get from him, almost pressing herself into the couch. His chest tightened when he noticed how upset with herself she was. She hadn’t done this on purpose, he realized. She just wanted to share what she thought were happy childhood memories.

Jack slid cautiously and slowly to her side of the couch. He spoke gently to her as if to a scared fawn. “It was an accident. Besides,” he tried to give her a reassuring smile but wasn’t sure how successful he was, “it’s stupid to be mad at you for showing me an old photo. I barely remember what happened last year, much less eight years ago.”

She smiled again, small but sincere. “Thanks for that.” She stood up and grabbed their cups to throw away. He just sat there, feeling like an idiot for not being able to make her feel better but afraid of just making her feel worse. Finally he said, “Are you hungry?”

Felicity came back and grabbed the coasters. “I could  eat. Besides, we haven’t stocked the pantry in weeks.”

Jack twisted so he could see her over the back of the couch. “Would you like to have dinner in the student cafe with me?”

She put the coasters back in the kitchen drawer then turned around to stare at him. “This isn’t a date, is it?”

“Nah.” It was hardly the time. They were investigating a murder.

“Oh.” She didn’t look the least bit disappointed. “No problem.” She walked past the couch and to the door without waiting for him. “I’m not sure if you could keep up with me anyway.”

“What?!” Jack stood up and saw she was laughing at him. He grinned and said, “Well, Barry can’t either.”

“Not by himself anyway,” she inclined her head towards the door. “Come on.”

                                                       *****

It’s not odd to hear the advice,  “put yourself into the character’s shoes” if you’re an actor. The concept of being the very person you are meant to portray bleeds a sincerity that the audience can resonate with. The very idea isn’t odd for Felix, he was aware of its existence; his father had told him once. He’s tried to mold his acting to be like that, not a puppeteer moving a character along, but to be the character when performing. How peculiar were these feelings? The bitter taste of jealousy and envy coexisting in watching the scene being played before him. When did Barrington Holmes begin and Felix end? There were shining lights and people scrutinizing his every move but all of that washed away. Unimportant, and unnecessary variables that didn’t pertain to what he felt. Why was the feeling sad and bittersweet? Felix couldn’t understand. His brow furrowed as he peered into the room from a window.

                                                          *-*-*-*

Barrington Holmes felt silly and unsure standing outside his dorm building, at night, and peering in from the window. No different from a poor pauper who’s peering into a window of a middle class family and seeing a tender moment while struggling in the cold. Their smiles were so bright, easily shared and given to one another as they sat huddled to one another. Twin plates filled with food and sparkling glasses clinking in toast as they sat to eat and chat.

A book was on the table and both of them were talking about its pages. Why did this scene feel closer to a distant dream? The rival, the distant friend; a part of fate that elected to move together in tandem leaving him behind. It was strange, he wanted to break that tranquility. March in and force the two who sat with such warmth to each other in harmony to acknowledge him. He wanted their attention, their time, anything they could grant. He would gladly take a miniscule fraction of what they shared equally, for they obviously saw him as a lesser member. After all they always were happy to exclude Barry at every turn. Try as he might to integrate everyone in the Spades as equals, Flick and Jack always kept more of a distance. If he walked in…. stepped into that light. Would he be welcomed? Or would he be regaled by the shadow that followed him firmly?

Fear pierced him, what if he were shunned? For someone like Barrington Holmes who was nothing without his name, his family, that precious legacy; would two who cared not for those things look at him favorably? He already felt like a failure every hour that passed without granting justice to Professor Akunin. Did they notice that failure? Did they both rejoice in the times they were alone without them? Barry wasn’t an idiot, as much as everyone has been whispering as of late. It felt as if there was slowly a noose circling around him. The rope slowly ever so slightly tightening more and more around his neck. He was nothing without victory, a wash up Holmes who can’t do one case. They were all looking at Barry to come up with a plan to find the villains. All they’ve seen is a member of the Holmes family who loses his cool more often. What whispers are spoken about him?  A cold shiver left Barry as he tried to breathe but he couldn’t. Why was it so hard to breathe?

“I got you.” A voice cut off and Barry felt himself floating for a moment, before it registered, he was picked up. Quite literally when he realized his face was within inches of Eleanor Marple’s. To Barry’s shock, she was carrying him in her arms and walking away from the window.

“What happened?” Barry asked, surprised his voice was hoarse.

“You fainted, Barry.” Seabert sounded off, stepping around so Barry could see him easily. “We’re getting worried, man.”

“When did you last eat?” Elinor asked, concerned. “You’re shaking.”

“Eat?” Barry asked, confused, they had a case to do. When on earth can someone expect him to eat?

“Yes Barry, eat food and not chug energy drinks like no tomorrow.” Seabert chastised. “You also don’t look like you’ve slept in days.”

“Pot, meet kettle.” Barry deadpanned, knowing it was a weak deflection of the conversation. Yet quick to bring up the dark bags of both Seabert and Elinor. They weren't getting enough sleep either. “Where are we going?”

“The kitchens.  You’re going to eat what we put in front of you.” Elinor answered, increasing her strides. “It’s 30 minutes to curfew so the area’s practically deserted. Then you’re going to take a nap, I know nothing I can say will convince you to sleep the entire night away. We’re compromising on a nice nap. Effective immediately, Seabert and I are starting operation BB.”

“I hate Operation BB; Babysit Barry. It’s not a good plan, Elinor.” Barry pouted, resting his head on her shoulder.

“I may not be a Holmes in levels of planning, but Operation BB has kept you alive so far. Or do we want a repeat of two years ago when you almost developed a heart murmur from all that excessive caffeine?” Elinor reminded Barry as Seabert went ahead and opened the kitchen’s side door for the two of them.

“As your best friends, it’s imperative that we keep our illustrious leader alive.” Seabert quipped with a smile locking the door behind them.

“That was only until Watson would join us again.” Barry reminded the duo, sinking further into Elinor. He started noticing how hungry he was. If he really has been neglecting himself; they're going to be insufferable.

“He hasn’t.” Seabert pointed out. “Not really, Jack is still an outsider to us. He might be considered a Watson by blood, and that's it. A Watson, but he isn’t ours yet. He doesn’t understand the pressure and expectations we deal with. He doesn't understand the history or importance; he's riding coat tails without thinking what got him here, thinking he's above all of it and reaping the privilege. He doesn't get that our privilege is also a responsibility and work; work that he should be sharing in. Work that he’s been adding onto your plate instead.”

“He really hasn’t.” Barry attempted to defend. It sounded weak to his ears.

“You’re the planner, Barry,” Seabert reminded Barry Holmes as he dove into fixing a plate for the three of them from the remnants of the night’s dinner. “I’m the profiler, you lay down the tracks for us to run in; and I see the obstacles we make for others and ourselves. Jack Watson is adding to your plate when he should be sharing our burden.”

“You can’t argue with us Barry, we know all your ticks.” Elinor reminded Barry, setting him down on a chair.

It was a well-practiced routine. Elinor and Seabert whisked Barry away when things got too overwhelming. The kitchen staff was well aware of their escapades and tended to leave some things out with chairs on a little table when Seabert would alert them of a late dinner. As long as everything was cleaned afterwards and the trio had always done so.

                                                           *****

“And…cut!” Amelie called out. She clapped happily. “Brilliant work, darlings.” She smiled at Luka and Marinette. “I could feel the melancholy and nostalgia as Felicity and Jack grew closer.” The two blushed and looked at each other, then blushed harder.

She turned to her son and two of his closest friends. “And you three!” She clasped her hands together and beamed a wide, loving smile tinged with pride. "Wonderful! You were perfect! Lifelong friends, looking out for one another. Seabert, who seems silly, actually being observant. Elinor, a kind soul with both physical and emotional strength. Barry might be conflicted over his feelings towards Jack and Felicity for the moment but he knows there are at least two people in his life he can always lean on when he needs to.”

“Even if he grumbles about it,” Claude pointed out.

“Even so,” Amelie began and stopped when she saw the look on Marinette’s face. She gave the girl a gentle, reassuring smile. “Did you have something to add about the scene, dear?”

Marinette frowned, then began to speak; hesitant and first and then with more confidence. “It’s just…all the characters are supposed to be friends, right?” She looked unsure.

Allegra found herself nodding. “Right, and?”

Marinette’s brows knitted together in confusion. “But…it also seems like Elinor and Seabert are more on Barry’s side than Felicity’s. I mean…” she bit her lip and both Felix and Luka found themselves staring at her mouth. “They’ve all known each for the same amount of time, minus Jack of course. Shouldn’t they care about Felicity’s feelings as much as Barry’s?”

“Marinette has a good point,” Luka was quick to take her side. “Felicity is a direct descendant of Auguste Dupin, the man who founded this society they all belong to. His heir should be the one with the most prestige, the one everyone listens to. She should be the leader.”

Luka looked around. No one’s heart music seemed upset. Some of them even harmonized with his, like Marinette, and to his surprise, Claude’s. He went on. “But because the adventures of Sherlock Holmes became more famous because the original  Watson wrote more of his down, he’s more famous. And in the eyes of the world, famous means better.”

“Hence why Felicity resents Holmes,” Marinette spoke up.

Allegra looked at Felix. His eyes seemed unfocused, his lips pressed together. He was still in-character. If he were to speak up, it would be Barry who spoke, not Felix. She decided to speak up for him.

“And the Holmes and Watson from each generation have been partners, working together. This generation’s Watson,” she pointed at Luka, “dropped out of sight eight years ago so it’s been up to Seabert and Elinor to take care of him instead. Felicity is Holmes’ rival so having to care for him would just make her resent him more.”

“And being a profiler with psychologist parents, Seabert has to be able to get into the heads of criminals and victims, so he’s probably high in empathy.” Claude joined Allegra.

“And Elinor has a strong protective streak and a black belt in several forms of martial arts,” Allegra continued as she gave her boyfriend a wink and a grin. “She likes Felicity and considers her a friend but because she’s so used to taking care of Barry in Jack’s absence,” she pretended to scowl at Luka, who smiled back.  “She’s naturally closer to him.”

“Both Elinor and Seabert take care of Barry but also resent Jack because they have to do what they consider to be his job.” Marinette offered.

“Yep.”

“And Jack, who hasn’t been around any of you for eight years, who’s been raised with a lot of resentment towards the Holmes family chafes at the idea of being forced into a role he never asked for,” Luka deftly summarized the main character’s backstories and was rewarded with a smile and a fist bump from Marinette.

“Exactly!” Amelie stood up and twirled around. “Conflict within the group while trying to solve the murder of a man most of them considered a mentor! Years of bitterness! Jealousy! Perhaps a budding romance?” She winked at Luka, who looked amused. Marinette pretended she hadn’t seen. “It adds drama and tension, just as much as car chases and sword fights!” She kissed her fingers. “Magnifique!”

She was looking at Felix, who still seemed in his own little world. She remembered how she used to get so caught up in a character and dear Geralt had to coax her back to herself. Usually it involved a cup of tea. Smell was the closest sense to memory after all. She left the group after giving Claude and Allegra a look they recognized as Felix is stuck in his role. Look after him until I come back. They nodded while their two co-stars just looked confused. She walked up to an assistant and requested some tea and snacks for her son. They nodded and walked away.

“Hey, Felix?”

A gentle hand rested on his shoulder and he looked up into Luka’s gentle blue eyes. They gazed down at him with concern as they looked him over. The logical part of his mind knew the other boy was only trying to help and just wanted to show his concern. Luka was a good guy; he was kind and cared about people. He also had a sharp sense of humor and a wicked wit. He was beginning to think of Luka as a friend.

But Felix was also Barrington Holmes right now and Barry resented how close Jack was to Felicity. How the person who was supposed to be his partner and equal barely tolerated him. Jack and Luka merged together and suddenly Felix didn’t want either of them putting their hands on him.

“Don’t touch me!” Felix snarled, knocking the gentle hand away and causing Luka to hit himself in the face. The sound of flesh hitting flesh brought him back to himself as his co-stars gasped. The crew tensed. They’d seen Felix and his mother struggle to pull themselves out of a character’s mindset but it never resulted in a fight. They waited to see if they needed to intervene.

Felix blinked, seeing the shock on Luka’s face. Marinette froze for a moment before turning red. She looked like she very much wanted to throw hands and had to be restrained by both Allegra and Claude.

The shock faded from the older boy and Luka looked disappointed, then angry.

Well, shite.

Felix wanted to apologize or explain, whichever was the least embarrassing and wouldn’t break the fragile relationship he’d formed with Luka and Marinette. He could tell Luka understood what he wanted to say but by the time his voice returned Luka just shook his head and glared at him.

“We’ll talk more when you’re more like yourself again,” was all Luka said as he turned away. Marinette had shaken off both the people holding her back and followed him but not before throwing a nasty glare at him over her shoulder.

“Excuse me, FeFe.”

Felix was just about to try and call them back but before he could say a word Chloe calmly strolled up to him. He was just about to speak to her when she reached out and flicked him hard on the nose.

“Ow!”

“Chloe!” Claude squawked, “he was just lost in character!”

“I know,” she replied, “that’s why I did it.” She looked up at Felix. She wasn’t upset or surprised, just calm and matter of fact. “So are we talking to Felix now?”

“Yes,” he rubbed his nose and looked in the direction Marinette and Luka retreated. “Thanks, Bitchois.”

“No problem,” she told him, a little bit of her old snobby self coming out, “I’ll use any excuse to hit you.”

Claude opened his mouth to speak but Allegra wisely put her hand over his mouth. “We should clear the set and get ready for the next scene before Felix alienates anyone else.”

                                                           *****

Amelie had had her set designers (paid extra, naturally) create several lounges for the cast and crew to use. Each department had their own and there were several set aside for cast members based on hierarchy. Even the plainest was nicer than most “green rooms” on other productions but no one denied the main cast was nicer. This was mostly because the Quantic Kids had brought a few luxury items from home. Most of the time Marinette and Luka spent their free time with their friends in the music room but today by unspoken agreement they wanted to be alone.

They wandered around and found themselves in an unused private room. Marinette quickly texted Amelie to let her know where they were and for her permission to use it. The director quickly answered in the affirmative; she seemed to understand there was a bit of tension on-set and some time apart was probably the best way to diffuse it.

The room wasn’t as luxurious as the Quantic Kids room but it still had a well-stocked refrigerator, an entertainment center with a television that took up half a wall, as well as several movies and probably a dozen streaming services. There were also three overstuffed sofas and a recliner in shades of blue and teal only a few shades darker than the walls. Marinette noticed (to her amusement) the room also had a tea-making station and a four person dining table made of blond wood and matching chairs.

Luka hadn’t thought to grab his guitar before coming into the room. He mostly wanted to get away from Felix before he said or did anything he’d regret or get him fired. He wasn’t ashamed of being a delivery driver but he couldn’t deny the salary was incredible and he was finally able to pay for some renovations for the ship his family lived on. His mother insisted he put most of what he earned away but she couldn’t deny that two teenagers needed privacy and therefore their own rooms.

He unlocked his phone and scrolled through his apps until he found one that allowed him to play guitar on mobile. Strolling over to the couch he sat down and patted the seat beside him and smiled at Marinette. She sat down beside him and leaned her head on his shoulder to peer at his phone. Luka smiled and began to play the electronic strings. She listened quietly, recognizing the tune as the one he’d written. There was something gentle and almost thoughtful about it. She closed her eyes and listened in silence for a few minutes.

Luka looked away from his phone and towards the lovely girl on his shoulder. He barely contained the urge to stroke her cheek or brush the hair off her forehead. She was so sweet and kind; incredibly smart and talented. He watched as shoulders eased a bit then stiffened. The poor girl couldn’t let herself completely relax, even when it was just the two of them. It made him want to…

“You can lie down if you want,” he offered.

Her eyes popped open and she looked at him in shock. Marinette blinked up at him. He smiled back and the two of them had a completely silent conversation. She understood that he was inviting her to lay down and relax for a few minutes or longer if she needed to. He was offering to look out for her, even though he knew she was more than capable of taking care of herself.

“You do a lot for everyone around you,” he told her. “You’re more than welcome to let me be strong for you. Just for a little while.”

She smiled gratefully as she took off her shoes then laid down on her back with her head in his lap. She gave his waist a grateful squeeze then closed her eyes.

Luka continued to play for her, watching as she began to allow herself to relax. She clasped her hands across her stomach and sighed in contentment.

She lay still and he continued to play what he was beginning to think of as “their” song, adding notes and little flourishes as he continued. New notes danced into his head as he played. She smiled as she listened and he became bold, adding an allegro piece, then a pianissimo, anything to see her smile like that.

“Filming today was…intense,” she said so quietly he barely heard her.

He stopped, pausing the app. “Um…yeah. I didn’t know Felix got so lost in character he forgot who he was.”

She opened her eyes and looked up at him. Her face had gone from relaxed to troubled and he wondered what was on her mind. “Not just him.” She frowned a bit. “That was the closest I’ve ever seen you to actual anger. Not since…”

She stopped and he didn’t have to listen to the music in her heart to know she was worried about him.

Luka didn’t respond at first. He was thinking to himself, trying to decide how to explain his thoughts to her. “Let’s just say…” he began, not sure how much he wanted to tell her. It wasn’t something he wanted to talk about, least of all with her. ..I used to have anger issues and leave it at that for now.”

She nodded in understanding and he began to play again but the mood was ruined.

He waited until he could stand the silence any more. Her good opinion mattered more to him than he cared to admit. He’d rather drop his guitar in the Seine than lose it. Then again, he hated keeping secrets from people he…loved.

“Hey,” he said finally, “tomorrow is Reshoot Day but as far as I know we don’t have any.”

Marinette’s eyes opened again and she gazed up at him, looking curious.

She waited for him to speak and he cleared his throat. “So…would you like to come over and hang out? On the Liberty? Mom will be in and out so we’ll be…you know…chaperoned. Kind of.”

She smiled at the earnest look of concern. “I’m pretty sure I could fight you off if you tried anything.”

Marinette tried not to laugh at the relieved look on his face. With all the movie training and private training she’d done with her Mom, she could probably wipe the floor with Luka if she had to.

She poked  him in the stomach. “Besides. I trust you.”

He chuckled, the sound rumbling pleasantly in his chest. “What if I wasn’t worried about you but myself?” He clasped his hands to his chest in mock concern. “What if you’re after my virtue?”

Marinette blinked at him then burst out laughing. He laughed back.

                                                       *****

Felix heard the two laughing before he even opened the door. Their two voices blended so pleasantly it was almost as if they were made for each other and he had to push away the sudden stab of jealousy.

He stopped his thoughts before they could continue down their strange path. That was counterproductive. The three of them were only temporarily friends for the sake of the production and if he didn’t stop confusing his feelings as his character and his feelings as a person it would be difficult to extract himself after filming was over.

Plus, it would hurt like hell. He remembered how he would confuse his part with his true self as a child and nearly cried when he realized his castmates didn’t actually care about him. He told himself he didn’t care, that he’d grown callouses over his feelings to prevent feeling vulnerable and that was that.

Felix took two large deep breaths to calm himself and composed his face to look as contrite and regretful. After he was sure he was ready he rapped on the door and waited politely for someone to answer.

“Who is it?”

Marinette. Of course it would be Marinette who spoke first. She was the leader of her little friend group, the one they looked for to give them everything from advice to pep talks to protection.

“It’s Felix. May I come in, please?”

“Are you here to apologize?”

Now it was Luka who spoke, Her Majesty’s Lord Protector, even if he was redundant. Marinette didn’t need a knight nor a representative but he could appreciate the other boy’s concern. It was clearly one of the ways he shows affection. That and playing music and understanding everyone’s “heart song”.

He rolled his eyes because he knew they couldn’t see him and answered, “Of course.”

“Come in then.”

He turned the knob and walked inside, closing the door after him. He forced himself to relax his posture. After all, he hadn’t done anything wrong. Not on purpose anyway.

Marinette and Luka were sitting together; not quite cuddling but still very close. She looked receptive to hearing him out but there was a sharpness in her eyes that told him she wouldn’t be fooled by lies or acting. He respected how perceptive she was, even when it worked against his interests.

Luka looked like his usual self; mild and gentle, doing his best to put everyone around him at ease. Felix had been fooled like everyone else into underestimating Luka because the older boy seemed so harmless. But now that he knew him better Felix could see a tiny glint deep in the other boy's ocean blue eyes that warned him. If Felix did anything to harm or upset Marinette he’d probably get his arse handed to him.

Felix took a deep breath as if he were about to undergo an unpleasant task and said, “I’m sorry.”

Marinette raised an eyebrow, looking regal in a pleated black skirt and pink blouse with black horizontal stripes. Luka had ditched his usual distressed jeans for gray denim shorts and a loose-fitting gray shirt with broad black horizontal stripes. Separately they would have looked good but together they looked…like a matched set.

“For?” Luka spoke up.

Felix pointed to a chair across from the couch they were sitting on. It might have been presumptuous of him to ask to join them. “Do either of you mind if I sit down?”

They looked at each other and then back at him, shaking their heads. “Thank you,” he said a bit dryly. They were making him feel as if he were having an audience with the Queen, except he wasn’t seven and his collar wasn’t itchy.

He sat and crossed his ankle over his other knee. He sighed and began to speak. “For being rude and disrespectful while still in character.” He sighed. “It was unprofessional and neither of you deserved it.”

“We know that-” Marinette began but Luka laid a gentle hand on her shoulder and whispered something in her ear. She smiled and apologized. “Sorry. That was rude. I’ll let you speak first and then tell you what I think when you’re done.”

Felix nodded his thanks at her and Luka and began to explain. “You see, I’ve been acting since I could learn lines.  Usually for my father. Small parts at first but then larger and more complicated as I got older.” They nodded but didn’t interrupt.

He continued. “Any I’m sure by now you two have noticed that when an actor is in character sometimes they forget who they are. Especially if a scene is very long or emotionally intensive.” He shrugged and looked a little sheepish. “Usually Mom or one of my friends can pull me out of it but I, as Barry, was feeling jealous because I was being left out of the Jack and Felicity bonding. That boiled over into my ‘true’ self,” he made air quotes, “and I lashed out at you before I, or anyone else, could bring me back to myself.”

Felix stopped and looked at them expectantly, waiting for them to speak. A part of him nagged at him, it sounded strangely of his fathers voice caressing his ear. Telling Felix to truly explain. Followed by Griff in his posh 'a knight of virtue would be honest. To obfuscate with half truths is unbecoming of the very notion of courage.'

"I….Also…." Felix tried to begin. his throat closing in on him. Emotions rampant within him: anger, jealousy, resentment even coursed high. It was hard to show vulnerabilities to most. The select few being done so after careful consideration and the years of loyalty to prove it. But he felt compelled by something to actually tell the truth without a gimmick.

"There's a little bit more to it really." Felix managed to say one thumb tracing his signet ring as if trying to invoke courage to spill into him at this very moment.

"As you know…this project means a lot to us here at Graham Films." Felix began once again bolstered by seeing Luka giving an encouraging nod at Felix. "It is my father's last script. That alone makes his project worthwhile. But on a personal note, to me, this is both an honor and a punishment to play. My father wrote this for me, as his son, and not for me as an actor."

"The genre and themes are personal favorites of mine. Yet the characters…most of the Spades were written by our influences. Barrington Holmes is both a character to play, and also my fathers inspiration using me as the source material." Felix gave a dry chuckle at the thought although he knew it to be true. "It's easy playing as Barrington because I am Barrington Holmes in many aspects. This part was written for me by my father. So much that half of my improvisation is more me playing moments where I get to change my word for once." Felix added, worrying his ring.

"We reminded you of something." Marinette concluded which caused Felix to color shamefully.

"Yes." Felix confessed.

"You were seeing Adrien….weren't you?" Marinette asked curiously. Memories of that fateful day of Felix impersonating his cousin popping into her head. Luka almost heard the halting screech of a cello from Felix's heartsong as the blond froze.

"Correct as always Fl-Marinette." Felix nodded when he unfreeze some thirty seconds later.

"This wasn't about you, please believe me that the last thing I'd want is to disrespect you both. Not only as actors, helping me live up to the thought of doing my father's work justice. But with our tentative friendship on the line it is a horrible happenstance that things aligned where acting pulled my true emotions freely. Especially when you two are not the object of my ire. I really do apologize about this."

"Chloe flicked you?" Luka asked curiously.

"I was an arse, it's well deserved." Felix nodded. Now having confessed everything and leaving the choice in their hands.

“We’re not going to say it’s okay-” Marinette told him.

“-because it’s not.” Luka added.

“But you weren’t being deliberately rude or unkind.” Marinette kept on, “I didn’t notice that you were still thinking like Barry and weren’t yourself. I’ll try to be more observant next time.”

“But it’s still up to you to let us know if you need space and we’ll back off.” Luka smiled at him. “But yeah, I’ll try to read you better next time we film an emotionally tense scene like that again.”

Despite himself Felix was a little relieved. He’d apologized, explained his actions, and they’d forgiven him. “Thank you both for understanding. I’ll work harder to be less…’up my own arse’ as Allegra would say, during filming.”

As he stood up they also stood with him. His shoulders ease as tension he didn’t even know he was feeling dissolved. “Well…thank you…” he offered Marinette his hand. “I’d like to say it’ll never happen again but I’d be lying. It just might but I’ll do what I can not to let it.”

“See that you do.” Marinette’s smile was kind as she took his hand. He gave her a tentative smile back and then she used his hand to pull him towards her and into a hug. He squawked in protest but she was warm and soft and smelled of vanilla sugar and cinnamon. He tried to breathe her in without being obvious about it.

Felix heard movement and suddenly Luka’s long arms were surrounding them both, pulling them both towards him and hugging them both gently but tightly. Bay rum suited the tall boy more than lavender. Felix hoped neither of them could smell his sweat. He was feeling a bit awkward but still enjoyed the hug. It was comforting and he didn’t want it to end just yet.

“Fair warning, Felix. If you do this again, we reserve the right to beat you up.” Marinette pulled away just enough to give him a wicked grin. “I hope I don’t have to remind you I’m a martial artist with fencing experience now.”

“I’m not a martial artist but I was raised by a pirate so I know how to street and knife fight. And sometimes I fight dirty.” Luka’s smile wasn’t as sharp as Marinette’s but Felix had no doubt Luka would hurt him if pushed, friend or costar be damned. Especially for Marinette’s sake.

Felix gave in to the urge to roll his eyes. “Right. It’s hardly fair of you two to threaten to double team me.”

“Yes it is!”

He just sighed and pretended to grumble under his breath. These two were perfect for each other.

                                                    *****

Meanwhile, Adrien and Kagami sat alone in an abandoned corner of the set, wondering what the hell was going on.

An hour ago they had been watching quietly as their friends, Adrien’s cousin, and his cousin’s friends had been filming a scene together. It seemed to go well, or that was what Aunt Amelie said. Then suddenly Felix was arguing with Luka and Marinette, even snapping at the tall boy when he asked if Felix was all right. Then everyone disappeared and left the two of them there, forgotten.

Adrien was quiet as he cuddled into Kagami’s side. Normally she enjoyed it when her boyfriend was physically affectionate with her but she was certain his closeness was more about seeking comfort than it was about showing her how much he cared. As much as she cared for him, it occasionally irritated her that she was the only emotional support Adrien had.  Well, perhaps besides that hulking bodyguard but the man would not or could not speak. She sighed inwardly. Kagami might not be any more in touch with her emotions than Adrien but she would try to understand.

“That was…intense,” she said to her boyfriend and winced. Intense? That was the best she could do? She wished she had Marinette’s tact or Luka’s emotional awareness but she didn’t and her blunt way of expressing her thoughts would have to do.

Brusque or not, Adrien recognized her words as an opening and invitation to talk. “That’s putting it mildly.” He sighed but didn’t elaborate.

Kagami was silent until she began to feel awkward again. “You know, my mother was an actress once.”

He perked up. “I remember! She was in ‘Solitude’ with my mom.” He smiled but it faded quickly. “She and my mom acted together only once though. It’s a shame. I thought they were both good.” He sat quietly before realizing it was his turn to keep the conversation going. “I didn’t know my mom and your mom had been friends for so long. She looked a lot like you when you were younger.”

“Yes,” she agreed. It was strange to see her own face staring at her from the film her mother and Mme. Agreste had been in. It made her wonder if she would grow up to be as strict as her mother was.  “According to my mother, she had to make the movie in secret. Her grandparents were born shortly after World War II and did not want her associating with Americans.”  She chuckled. “They saw all people of European descent as Americans, or at least just as barbaric.”

Kagami didn’t want to dwell on the similarities between her mother and the grandparents she’d barely known so she hurried on. “She did tell me once she struggled to ‘get into character’ because pretending to be someone she wasn’t didn’t come naturally.” She frowned as she continued. “She also said it was equally difficult to get out of character because she found herself able to see the world from her character’s perspective; it wasn't easy to return to her own.”

Adrien huffed a laugh. “So, your mother had a rebellious phase too, huh?” He grinned at his girlfriend. Tomoe-san was more complex than he gave her credit for. “So now I know where you get it.”

She mock-glared at him but he gave her innocent kitten eyes until she gave up and laughed at him. He laughed back.

They were silent for a minute until Kagami suggested. “Perhaps…your cousin has the same problem my mother had? It’s possible he was simply stuck in the mindset of his character when he lashed out at Luka.”

Adrien considered her words and then said, “maybe I should have said something. Tried to draw him out.”

Kagami shook her head. “No,” her words were blunt and she explained, “it’s possible you could have helped him but it’s equally possible his hostility towards you would have come out instead.”

He nodded. “Yeah. You’re probably right.”  “It’s just…” he sighed and put his arm around her to draw her closer. “I know. I get it. I did a lot of stupid shit, even though it was inadvertent, and hurt my relationship with Felix.” He frowned, managing to look handsome even when he was miserable. “But he won’t let me mend things! He won’t accept my apology, he doesn’t want to spend time with me. I couldn’t get him to come over for dinner even if Father would let him inside.” He sighed and pressed his face into her shoulder. “What should I do, ‘Gami?”

Several responses came to mind but the one she decided on was; “Nothing.”

That surprised him so much he took his arm from around her shoulders and pulled away. “Nothing?”

She affirmed. “Let him approach you when ready. Don’t force him to be around you if he doesn’t want to. Be polite and professional if you have any more fencing lessons with him and don’t pressure him to spend time with you.”

Part of Adrien thought she had a point. “But-”

“You’re backing Felix into a corner, constantly putting him on the defensive,” Kagami pointed out. “That’s why he lashes out; he feels as if he has no choice.”

He opened his mouth but she gently laid a finger on his lips. “Stop treating him like an opponent and return to the en garde position until your cousin makes a move.”

Adrien smiled, appreciating the fencing metaphor. “I’m so lucky to have a girlfriend as wise as you.”

She smiled back. “Yes. You are.”

She leaned forward and he closed his eyes, meeting her halfway for the kiss.

Their lips met just before someone cleared their throat and interrupted them.

                                                       *****

The production company had updated its security procedures. Nathalie not only had to leave her bag, tablet and phone behind but received a pat down by a female security guard. The woman wouldn’t let Adrien’s bodyguard accompany her (she claimed Amelie had only left one pass) but Nathalie could swear she heard the woman flirt with the man as she walked on in search of Adrien.

She was met by a red-haired man who said he was her escort. Shit. There went her chance to snoop or contact Mlle. Rossi. She couldn’t stand the girl anyway; she wanted to climb the ladder by sycophancy or social advancement rather than hard work.

Her musings about Rossi were interrupted as the man talked into a radio and received some sort of response. He looked at Nathalie. “Mrs. Graham de Vanily and her son would like to see you off if you don’t mind waiting for them.”

“Not at all,” she replied. Felix and his mother probably wanted to make sure she left without stealing anything or causing trouble. Ironic, considering what the boy had done during his last visit to his uncle’s home. Nathalie wisely kept her opinion to herself.

As they reached the current set she spied Adrien and Kagami in a tender kiss. Although her face remained impassive she felt her heart melt just a little bit. He was growing up so fast! She knew Gabriel had approved of his son’s relationship with Mlle. Tsurugi for business reasons but the girl clearly adored the boy and Adrien reciprocated. Nathalie secretly loved seeing her charge happy. She hated to break them up but unfortunately she had a schedule to keep and romance was a low priority to Gabriel if it didn’t involve his wife.

She cleared her throat and the two broke apart; Adrien guiltily, the Tsurugi girl with reluctance. Nathalie didn’t miss the way the young woman glared at her. She didn’t care.

“Adrien, Mlle. Tsurugi, it’s time we were away.” She adjusted her glasses. “We’ll have a few minutes to say goodbye to your aunt and cousin and then the two of you have a practice match before dinner with your father.”

Adrien perked up, just as Nathalie hoped he would. “Father?! Really?” His face shone in a way it rarely did if he wasn’t around his girlfriend.

“I’m very happy for you, Adrien.” Kagami’s face didn’t look happy to anyone who didn’t know her well but her eyes shone.

Nathalie gave in to the urge to smile at the boy she’d known most of his life. She didn’t have the heart to tell him it was an interrogation disguised as dinner. Let him be happy for now.

                                                        *****

After Felix left Marinette and Luka, pleased that their relationship had been repaired, a hand grabbed his shoulder and jerked him into the shadows.

He twisted, trying to get away until a voice spoke up; “It’s just me, Houdini.”

He stopped struggling and looked up at her. “A little less cloak and dagger next time, Hel.”

Helen rolled her eyes and dug a small box out of her pocket. “I had to switch materials but I think you’ll be pleased with the results.” She opened it and showed him its contents.

It was a perfect reproduction of the brooch Marinette had thought she was making for his mom, down to the matched pearls and lapis lazuli. Yet again Helen had impressed him.

What he was thinking must have shown on his face because his favorite cousin had grinned, looking incredibly pleased with herself. “It’s something, right?” she bragged. “It’s diecast metal because what I wanted to use wouldn’t cure for a few days and you said this was a rush.”

Felix held out his hand and she placed the box in it. “Diecast metal?”

She just shrugged. “Eh, it’s a lost art.”

He took it out of the box and examined it, turning it over and looking for flaws. He found none. It was indistinguishable from what Marinette had created and had the proper heft and color.

“It’s perfect, Helen.”

Helen smirked. “I’m so very pleased you’re satisfied.”

All he needed now was two things; for Ms. Sancoeur to wear the peacock brooch today and an opportunity to make the switch.

                                                         *****

This set was hot.

Nathalie willed herself not to sweat but that didn’t stop her stomach from feeling a bit queasy. She tried to focus on Adrien’s question about dinner; what he should wear, what they were having, should he stop by the Dupain-Cheng bakery for a light dessert. She tried not to snap at him when he asked if Kagami could attend as well but his face was beginning to blur.

No! Not now! She had to hold it together and appear calm and self-assured. She could not embarrass herself in front of Graham de Vanilys. Besides, Gabriel depended on her, as did Adrien. She would not falter.

“Why, Ms. Sancoeur! How very good to see you again!” Amelie swept in with her usual aplomb, her son and his friends trailing behind her. The woman’s smile was wide and welcoming but her son looked smug and superior as usual. The boy’s friends looked more curious than friendly but at least they weren’t hostile.

Nathalie’s eyes darted quickly, not seeing Chloe Bourgeois nor Lila Rossi. Neither girl was shaping up to be a particularly good pawn and she would advise Gabriel to cut his losses. Paris was sure to have its fair share of entitled yet stupid young people he could use instead. Someone more reliable.

The ever perceptive Felix noticed her attention was diverted. “Something wrong, Ms. Sancoeur?”

“I don’t see Mlle. Dupain-Cheng anywhere,” Nathalie lied smoothly. “M. Agreste wanted me to pass along his congratulations on securing her first internship and a starring role at the same time.” Only Adrien and his girlfriend seemed to believe her.

Amelie seemed content to play along. “Yes, isn’t she wonderful?” She beamed as if she’d given Marinette her talent personally. “So very talented. We were lucky to get her.”

Nathalie gave a nod, even as it made her dizzy. “M. Agreste says he’ll be watching her fashion career very closely from now on. He’s a big believer in nurturing talent.” She wondered what Amelie would say to that.

The woman didn’t react as Nathalie had hoped. She just smiled and replied, “Well, I hope he won’t be too disappointed when we snap her up. Really, Gabriel should have offered a contract as soon as she won his little contest.”

Adrien picked the wrong time to speak up. “I’m sure he was worried about putting too much pressure on her. Father has always praised Marinette’s talents, even to the Style Queen herself.”

The mood of the room shifted as Chloe’s neglectful, impossible to please mother was brought up. Felix’s companions went from neutral towards Adrien to disdainful when Audrey was introduced as a topic.

Nathalie wondered if she should try and add to the conversation when Amelie looked over her shoulder and beamed. “And what perfect timing! Here is the young woman herself. Hello, Marinette, dear. Are you ready for the next scene?”

For a nanosecond Nathalie swore the girl looked uncomfortable but then the tall blue haired boy (his name escaped her but he looked very familiar) laid a hand on her shoulder. The girl blinked and then smiled. “You bet!”

“Ms. Sancoeur was just saying that Gabriel sent along his congratulations on your triumphant designing and acting debut!” Amelie spoke up. “Apparently he’s very impressed.”

“As he should be,” the blue haired boy squeezed Marinette’s shoulder and the girl blushed.

The three teens with Amelie began to sing Mlle. Dupain-Cheng’s praises. “Marinette designed the school uniforms for all the school characters,” a blonde with long braided hair put in. Her blue eyes narrowed at Nathalie and she felt even less welcome.

“Not to mention some of the fancy ball gowns for a very pivotal scene!” A blue eyed brown-haired boy smiled but didn’t seem to want her there either.

“And her performance is some of the best acting I’ve ever seen for someone with no experience.” A very handsome brown skinned young man praised his co-star. His face was neutral but Nathalie still felt watched and judged.

Suddenly everyone but Felix and Marinette herself were talking over each other, giving the young designer one glowing compliment after another. The girl just stammered and blushed and tried to get everyone to stop. Felix looked…

Concerned?

For her?

He cocked his head to one side, then the other. His brow furrowed he asked, “Ms. Sancoeur? Are you all right?”

Nathalie felt sweat drip down her face and the small of her back. She felt hot and the room began to tilt. She dimly heard Adrien call her name and suddenly she was dropping.

Most of the room cried out in alarm as the usually unflappable woman began to droop.

“Catch her!” Felix called out abruptly as he and Luka stopped the woman from hitting the ground. Once they were sure they had her they gently lowered her to the floor.

Adrien just stood there, rooted to the spot, staring at the woman who helped raise him. He began to shake as his face went pale. Kagami grabbed his arm and dragged him to a chair before he could also faint.

“I’m calling one-one-two!” Allen pulled out his phone and began to dial. Amelie, Claude and Allegra stepped back to give the others room.

Felix kept his head and removed Nathalie's jacket and used it to cushion her head. He looked over at Luka. “Can you help me roll her so she’s on her side? Please.”

Luka nodded then removed the jacket of his uniform costume. Together he and Felix turned the woman on her side to keep her airway free and then Luka used his jacket to cover the woman to prevent shock.

Felix checked her vitals. “She’s breathing and has a pulse” He opened her mouth. “It looks like her mouth and throat are clear.” He looked over at his cousin. “Does Ms. Sancoeur have a history of fainting spells, Adr-”

He stopped. Adrien clearly wasn’t going to be of use to anyone.

Adrien was spiraling, completely unaware of his surroundings or what was happening a few feet from him. Nathalie fainted again, just like his mom used to do. She was having dizzy spells and even though his father would tell him it was no big deal and she just needed rest, he didn’t believe it. It was just like when Mom disappeared. Nathalie was sick too and soon she’d disappear and he’d never know what really happened to her-

Kagami’s hand hit his cheek with a sharp crack.

Amelie gasped but Kagami ignored her.

“Adrien,” she commanded, “I understand this must be upsetting for you but your caregiver is ill and staring into nothing is incredibly unhelpful.” Her voice was stern, not a trace of compassion or empathy left. “She needs help and sitting here useless does nothing to aid her.”

Amelie huffed in indignation at the treatment of her nephew and even Claude and Allegra looked sorry for him. Felix and Luka were too busy trying to treat the woman and Allen was giving the emergency service operator directions.

Marinette was more than used to handling crises, even medical ones, so she came to Kagami’s side and smoothly intervened.

“Kagami? I know you’re just trying to bring him around with some tough love but is it alright if I try something too?” Her expression didn’t plead but she would respectfully back off if asked.

Kagami thought about the request before nodding. She knew she could trust her.

Marinette slowly and carefully crouched in front of Adrien, who had barely registered the slap. “Adrien? Look at me.” He met her gaze without thinking. “Listen to me.” Her blue eyes were calm and serious but still kind. “Breathe. Slowly. In through your mouth and out through your nose.” He obeyed.

She gently took Kagami’s  hand and laid it over Adrien’s. “We’re here for you. Feel her hand on yours. Listen to my voice. Remember to breathe.” She watched as Adrien’s pupils contracted. She relaxed her shoulders and then asked, “Do you remember what happened?”

He nodded and then his face fell. Nathalie had collapsed. He was useless. Again.

Marinette did her best to give him a reassuring smile. “Adrien. Help is on the way. We’re going to get Ms. Sancoeur to the hospital.”

“Will-” his voice cracked. Yet another person who raised him was fading and he’d done nothing. “Will she be okay?” He whispered.

He sounded so forlorn, like a lost child. She felt sorry for him despite his past enabling.

Marinette couldn’t answer and looked to Kagami.

Kagami took her boyfriend’s hand and caressed the cheek she had just slapped. “We’ll follow her to the hospital. Then we’ll see.”

He gulped and nodded before pulling both girls into a hug.

                                                     *****

Felix was rather proud of himself. He hadn’t predicted Ms. Sancoeur would give him such a dramatic opportunity but everything had turned out just as he wanted so he couldn’t complain. The switch was made and the original peacock brooch was resting comfortably in his pocket with no one the wiser. He'll ask Chloe to see if she can catch anything on the cameras and alter it; just to cover all his bases.

He couldn’t wait to find out what was so special about this brooch.

Aaaand that’s it!

See you soon!

[kaylor]

Idk if Taylor has always always been this literal in terms of the concept and the name of the album (maybe with speak now) idk i guess each album gets a bit of that but to me her entire explanation of this one being “this album is about those thoughts you have at midnight so my album is gonna be named midnights and in every single song i will used the word midnight, even tho sonically the album doesn’t make any fucking sense and it doesn’t look or even hear as an bum, because this album is set at midnight. It will come out at midnight because that’s the concept of the alb-“ and the fact that she claimed it’s a concept album, I’m crying laughing.

yeah i mean she's always been pretty literal with album titles tbh, like reputation was very on the nose but was just cool enough to work. lover/daylight again very basic on the nose, even though you have to respect the implications of referring to both yourself and your partner as Lovers on an album full of wedding imagery. it's still a bad album title but the implications.... 😈

folklore, 1989 and red, in that order, i think are her best album titles. folklore is exceptional because she is literally turning her life experiences into stories, warping them and disconnecting them from herself, but making them part of her own mythology anyway. no one will ever know the truth behind any of these stories, and no one ever should. they're folklore now, they're up to interpretation, and every swiftie will have a different version of taylor swift folklore in their minds. genius.

1989 is super cool because it's so mysterious, it gives nothing away beyond hey this music is inspired by 80s pop but it's also about myself but it's also not about myself anymore. it's like. this album is about rebirth, not as a person, but as an artist. the metanarrative about moving to new york to become herself + immediately solidifying her position as a pop behemoth, chefs fucking kiss.

red is great because, well, does it even need saying. the joni mitchell inspiration. the lipstick. the synesthetic emotional state of a fresh breakup. the literal colors in autumn. it shouldn't work, it should be super overdone, but it fucking works!!

on the flip side there's evermore, which to me is such a nothingtitle. it's very much a "we have all these b sides we have to call it something" vibe. no hate to evermore, there's some amazing tracks, but it's not an album it's a collection of songs. speak now is... fine i guess? very funny to title your album with a command to speak now when the album is full of songs you wrote because you did not speak then. again no hate to speak now because it's got many of my favorite songs on it, but it is only loosely cohesive as a unit because it's just a coming of age album. i would have to sit down and have a proper think about what i would have titled it.

and while we're here we may as well talk about fearless and self titled too. fearless is a good album title, it's very 2008, it's exactly what an 18 year old should be feeling, it perfectly captures the album. nothing groundbreaking, just decent and appropriate. i personally find it extremely boring for artists to name an album after themselves. i think it's uninspired, i think it's lazy, i think it should be illegal for artists to do this. i don't care how much you reinvented yourself or whatever, it's BORING. do better.

and then there's fucking Midnights. maybe the laziest concept ever conceived. it's literally just "i wrote a bunch of songs about my feelings" okay what's new? "i'm almost topless in the photoshoot" incredible no notes. but is the album interesting? hardly.

[lunar-years]

is there any flavor of TS criticism that DOESNT piss you off? like her neglecting to speak out against palestine, her private jet use, etc? no hate btw, I just feel like your prev post was really well thought out and made sense, so I just was wondering your opinion on criticism against her in general.

hi! Yeah, there is plenty of Taylor criticism that doesn't piss me off! stuff like the jet use, not speaking up about Palestine, not being more politically outspoken in general (especially taken in contrast to the activism she professed in Miss Americana, lol), the questionable people she's associated with (on a deeper level than taking a picture with them or being surface-level cordial, I'm talking like...dating the disgusting likes of ratty heely and some such, here).

For me, that type of criticism is based on where people draw their own personal moral boundaries and what they expect out of the celebrities they enjoy or the art they consume. If someone's hard line is Taylor not speaking out on xyz issue or her taking unnecessary flights and causing harm to the environment, I can completely understand and respect that! It's an individual choice and it’s fair game to have differing opinions on where that line is.

For me personally, I guess I just don't expect my favorite singers to also be my favorite activists, and I don't look to celebrities to be my political mouthpiece or tell me how to vote or what have you. We have politicians and actual activists for that. Quite frankly, I think a lot of people with platforms ought to step back from the incessant urge and demand to comment on everything happening everywhere, because it leads to a lot of people offering up a lot of thoughts and opinions (and rampant misinformation) about issues they really haven't got the first clue about or may not fully understand.

Do I think Taylor could (and should) do better in some areas? Absolutely! I think it would be great if she spoke up more, but I also want her to be informed before she does. At the same time, I like to think I mostly recognize she's a human being and human beings are hypocritical and imperfect on occasion. She is going to make mistakes. In the end, I can still feel that she is a good person, and that is okay. But if someone else's hardline is different than mine, that's also okay!

I am also under absolutely zero illusions that Taylor, in addition to doing a lot of good, is also an extraordinarily rich white woman with a lot of privilege, who is going to at times behave in a very out-of-touch, rich white person with a lot of privilege type of way. I don't expect her to represent me. Hell, she is paying more right now to stay two nights in a Sydney hotel room than I make in an entire year. I'm here because I think she writes cool songs lmao. Idk.

Lastly, obviously I am a fan who is biased in that sense. I'm not going to pretend I don't find criticism of any kind much more palatable when it comes from fans, to fans. If it's swifties talking on tumblr i am always up for dissenting opinions and discussion about pretty much any issue (as a goofy example, in terms of the "taylor swift writes immature music" comment, I couldn't give a single shit if a fan comes on here and posts about how they think ME! is an immature stupid song. It's a lot different when it's fans voicing opinions they recognize as just that, an opinion.)

When you get outside the fan community, it gets dicey, because people lob valid Taylor criticism around losey-goosey to mask the fact that they actually hated her to begin with and are grasping at the first thing in sight to get other people to hate her, too. It's very...transparent at times. Like, the people who incessantly complain about her jet usage whilst not talking about other celebrities who do the exact same shit, let alone the massive corporations systematically killing our planet, or who blatantly ignore things like the fact Taylor has actually cut down her jet usage substantially in the last year. They just pretend to care when it can knock the celebrity they already hate down a peg amongst twitter users, lmao.

Criticism is fine. I don't worship her! I just think, there's valid criticism and there isn't, you know?

[biblicalhorror]

I personally think Anna Marks was not trying to villanize her for not coming out, nor was she attempting to force her out of the closet herself. I think, like many gaylors, Marks was operating under the assumption that Taylor had already effectively "come out" as much as she ever intended to. The article I read never said anything that, to me, was saying Taylor Swift is an evil person for not coming out. If anything, my interpretation of the article is that it was meant to be one of those "we see you (already effectively "out" celebrity) and we accept you" kinds of posts, which would be fine if she posted it on her personal Tumblr or Twitter or Tiktok or whatever. The issue is that she didn't do those things. She posted this article on one of the largest news publications in the world, essentially forcing Taylor (or in this case her "associate") to comment on it publicly. And if Marks is at all familiar with online gaylor dynamics, she should be well aware that pretty much any public statement from Taylor's camp regarding gaylor is the #1 way to flood social media with overt homophobia in the swiftie community, for which her queer fans (gaylor or not) will always be casualties.

I might be more charitable with this article than it deserves, but after a second read, I honestly don't think the intent was ever to be malicious towards Taylor. Through all of her musings over whether anyone is "owed" a coming out, she ultimately seems to come to the conclusion that it is simply the acknowledgement of the "possibility" of queer readings in Taylor's work that can bring the overall culture to a place of higher acceptance of all identities, regardless of what Taylor's actual identity may or may not be. Overall, I agree with that sentiment. I do, however, think it was irresponsible and careless to post this in the way that she did. I'm sure, in the long run, Taylor will be fine if someone in the NYT posts an article saying, "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if she was gay? We should all rewire our brains to try not to immediately cling to heterosexual messaging as the default." However, precisely because we live in a world that is NOT accepting of that possibility, posting an article like that in a publication that large, PARTICULARLY when focused on one of the biggest celebrities in the world, is inviting a shitstorm of epic proportions to the very population you claim to be liberating.

[asteracaea]

link

A few months ago I started joking that half of the treatments in my psychiatric practice had become “Taylor-based.” Many of my patients are adolescent girls and young women, and they have leaned on Taylor Swift as a kind of big sister through the daily agonies of being a teenage girl: unsteady friendships, the 24-hour firing squad of the internet, and of course, the endless longing to feel seen and valued. At the end of a session exploring these struggles, I’ve appreciated having her to keep my patients company the rest of the week.

But as the Eras tour steadily lurched toward our favorite city, the Taylor-based therapy issues reached a boiling point. “How am I going to stay calm before she goes onstage?” “I need to do remote today because I can’t get Covid before the concert.” “How am I going to go back to regular life once it’s all over?” They were saying they needed to calm down, and to help them do that we dug through the full bag of tricks — behavioral, cognitive, psychodynamic, existential — and explored these patients’ relationships to anticipation, to enjoyment, to self-regulation, to suffering.

I was already a casual fan. My husband has been quasi-ironically blaring “Hey Stephen” from our speakers for years, and my daughter, 9, has strong views about whether Taylor should still be with Harry Styles. But I couldn’t really understand why this artist and this tour were so powerful — and so disruptive.

And so I started listening. And listening more. And I started staying up all night refreshing apps for last minute access to the “Taypocalypse.” And then I went to the show with my daughter. And now I, too, cannot calm down.

Swiftmania is a very different kind of high from what I experienced listening to music as a teenager — a high that is worth the pain. It’s not just the plethora of songs to discover, but the nonstop Swiftie culture itself — the constant access to the music, the news, the scrolling for swag, the shout-outs on the street, the sharing of songs and lines of poetic code via text or passed bracelet — a party that is raging all day and all night.

When I was growing up, I had the Indigo Girls, Tori Amos and Ani DiFranco, singers for whom a troubled inside matched a raw, edgy outside. But there was nobody who held forth on righteous anger from the inside of a sparkly bodysuit — who suffered as I did, but whose confident prowl could make me walk a bit taller. My singers would sit outside the party and complain with you, but when you got your courage up, they weren’t going to go inside, ready for it. Taylor doesn’t force you to choose, because she is both The Lucky One you want to be, and every bit the Anti-Hero you are inside.

Who is the Swiftie? In my practice, these patients share certain characteristics. Raised on a healthy diet of kindness and fairness, she is sensitive, ambitious and a bit of a perfectionist. Like Taylor, she dresses to be pretty and cool (and sometimes, for revenge), but inside, she is in all kinds of pain. Her self-doubt perpetuates a vicious cycle in a world where she is timid and young, and others may assume she knows nothing. She’s hard-working and frustrated, and wonders if she’d get there quicker if she was a man. Desperate to experience love, she has had her moments of begging for Romeo to just say yes, or tolerating being treated badly in some situationship (you said you needed space — what??). And yet, the Swiftie strives to be the modern day Cinderella, who doesn’t remember if she has a man. She finds in Taylor Swift an actual hero who meets her where she is but also shows her the badass place she could get to — so intoxicating precisely because it is within reach.

“What would Taylor Swift do?” is a refrain among certain patients in my practice. Teenagers suffer for many reasons. One is being fragile and in formation — a human construction site. Another is being surrounded by others who are fragile and in formation. Taylor Swift articulates not only the treachery of bullying but also the cruelty just shy of it that is even more pervasive: meanness, exclusion, intermittent ghosting. She says: Borrow my strength; embrace your pain; make something beautiful with it — and then, you can shake it off.

But what is singular about this artist, in this time, is the access she has created to a cohesive community, particularly for the pandemic generation, whose social connections grew tragically elusive and for whom the internet’s offerings assumed a central role. Whatever you are upset about, the poet laureate of this generation has got a song somewhere in her mega-oeuvre describing that precise feeling. She is not going to solve whatever problem you are having, but she is going to sit with you in it until the passage of time does its work: Look at her now.

Teenagerhood taunts you to explore and perform who you might be, on repeat, and the “Eras” theme of her current tour electrifies this process. MetLife Stadium was a bacchanal of mass identification, a celebration of that ubiquitous girl who felt somewhat invisible until there were 83,000 of her, sparkling from miniskirt to concert bracelet, lighting up the night sky, and wondering: Which era am I right now? Who was I last year? And what’s the part of me that is emerging, gaining complexity? The eras offer a reassuring developmental trajectory that includes them all. You may dress up as 1989 party girl, but it’s understood by everyone here that you are also heartbroken and rageful and forgiving and brave.

We will all eventually calm down, but for now I am leaning in to this fever dream, this restlessness, and sleeplessness, and decline in focus on anything else — a champagne problem perhaps, but also a gift. Sometimes it’s good to let yourself be disrupted, to be a little less productive, to stay stay stay in an enchanted place as long as you can. Especially when there is someone new in your life who shows you colors you can’t see with anyone else.

My patients have their own dedicated professional to listen to them for 45 minutes a week and work with them to identify complex feelings and unhelpful patterns. But few teenagers have access to this kind of support. It’s confusing to be human and to be female, and I’m glad, both for my patients in their midnights, and for their populous, shimmering community, that they have someone so articulate, so generous, and so endlessly present to talk to.

[someflickers]

i was called many things on this god-forbidden app, but seeing antisemitic dog whistles in my own inbox is ✨ something else ✨

and i don’t know what to make of it. i have no benefit of the doubt to give to the person who uses neo-nazi lingo to win in a debate about their silly little popstar on tumblr dot com, but i am very intrigued by one specific thing: groupthink.

groupthink — and i’m simplifying here — is basically your usual monkey sees monkey does, let’s go, and collectively throw our shit at a nasty neighbor (or dear enemy, but this is a whole other discussion). and groupthink is characterized by roughly three things: 1. my silly little popstar is cool 2. let’s get matching twitter handles bestie 3. in her defense everything is permissible, let’s throw some shit. i mean. more or less.

and point 3 has two specific symptoms i’m very intrigued by: rationalizing and stereotyping. by which i mean something along the line of “you’re delulu” and “you’re just a bunch of perverts”.

and let me be absolutely clear and specific, my community is not immune to it. some of us may choose to stereotype swifties as a bunch of homophobic straight dumdums blinded by pr, and this is wildly incorrect and is also another symptom of groupthink in itself. but… i don’t get antisemitic messages from gaylors. so maybe i’ll talk about our own cognitive biases one day, but it’s not gonna be today.

and so you get uniformity, and the sense of righteousness, and you stereotype your opponent to shit, and this is how you get pretty much any ingroup/outgroup conflict — very simplified, yes, but still accurate. it’s an extremely easy thing to fight a fucking meme. they’re cabbages, cabbages, barely even salad.

buuuut then you get the “everything is permissible” part of righteousness, and i get dog whistles at 10 in the morning before my first cup of coffee.

you see, part of the hive mind decided it’s a good thing to force a random gaylor to shut up. and a random gaylor happened to be jewish. you need to hit them where it hurts. plain and simple.

and this is how i know i’m a fucking meme now.

and the thing is… the only one who can win a debate where you randomly throw xenophobic hate at your enemy

is neo-nazis.

and i’m serious.

so.

i can’t reasonably ask anybody to start treating people like complex beings with their own reasoning: there are just too many people on the internet. and i don’t have any conclusions, really. don’t get into the neo-nazi pipeline to win over a gaylor on the internet?

peace, i guess.