#i may even have a little dancey time

[vorakh]

i put on disco music on workplace to make a statement and by now it is eating away my sanity (abba my beloathed) but i'm committed to the bit. the music stays.

[beacarrot]

Saved by a Stranger. - Text dedicated to Liam Payne.

I needed to take some time to search for where my words have gone. In the corner of the room where I danced to the band's first songs about someone who could love me "more than this"? On the poster stuck next to my bed, which will be the way I remember him every morning? From the beats of songs that saved a life? Mine, and that of a few million across continents I still haven’t reached?

Memories don't connect to thoughts, the pain lost in the current of the most beautiful joys, the sweet years of genuine innocence. And right now, I want to scream so loudly, because no word can soothe my soul.

The sweetness colored in his voice can never be altered, not by the forces of evil, or by the relentless time. Fate is funny and irrevocable... life likes to throw curveballs. It turns long roads into spheres. All I know how to write about is inner death. I wasn't ready for what was to come...

Who could have guessed? "Life is like that." It could certainly be worse, but we never say how much better it could have been. We wait for the "worst", but we pray for the "best". And what will always catch me is seeing the writing: "1993 - 2024".

Death is what unites people, as it’s the only thing that awaits us all in the same way, walking silently by our sides.

------------------------------

Part specifically for Liam.

"If I try to scream and manage to get some sound out of my lungs, would you be able to hear me? I keep dancing in my room, this time more alone than ever. I wait for your return, which, mockingly, won’t come, but wait somehow comforts my small and now withered heart, like the curse of nostalgia that promises to bring back the old times but never does. I didn’t want to let you go, but I spent too much time endlessly planning how to chase success while breaking down in fear. Mapping an escape to the past when I felt I was no longer the same, locked in a lethal and vivid attachment.

I feel like I never really touched you, but even without the tips of your fingers, you touched the deepest, most intimate part of my heart.

Dear Liam, we are all proud of the love you spread throughout your years of life, how you lent your voice to tell stories wrapped in threads covered with solid gold. For being the 'Daddy Direction,' for the rumors of your spoon aversion that always make me laugh when I look at one, for your youthful and naive love for Batman, Toy Story, and plaid shirts! For always having been and always being our red...

You make me strong, and 14 years wouldn't last forever, not for me, not for you. The love and the tender way you always treated your admirers and fans warm me somehow.

Heaven could have waited a little, right? But it didn’t. I fall to my knees in a pleading prayer that when you open your eyes on the other side, peace will greet you, your sins will be healed with time, and that our love can reach you, soothing your soul, which will rest in serenity.

As long as we're together, it doesn't matter where I am, right? Nor where you are now.

I believe nothing is an accident for God, although I still can’t believe everything that has happened before my eyes and in my adolescence. I know it’s my duty to keep the part of your heart that you lent me, which now belongs to me. And even though it cuts like a dagger, my heart is filled to the brim with love.

Yes, I will be strong with every breath I take. Your journey ends here, but your legacy and history will span decades. Home is where the heart rests...

Rest in peace, angel."

VERSÃO EM PORTUGUÊS >>>>> (portuguese version)

Salva por um estranho. - Texto dedicado ao Liam Payne.

Eu precisei tirar um tempo para procurar onde foram parar minhas palavras. No canto do quarto onde dancei as primeiras músicas da banda sobre alguém que poderia me amar "mais que isso"? No pôster colado ao lado da minha cama, que será a maneira de lembrar dele durante todas as minhas manhãs? Das batidas de canções que salvaram uma vida? A minha e a de alguns milhões pelos continentes que eu ainda não consegui alcançar?

As memórias não se conectam aos pensamentos, a dor perdida na correnteza das mais belas alegrias, os doces anos da inocência genuína. E agora mesmo eu quero gritar absurdamente alto, porque palavra alguma inquieta meu espírito.

A doçura tingida em sua voz nunca poderá ser alterada, nem pelas forças do mal, ou pelo implacável tempo. O destino é engraçado e irrevogável... A vida gosta de jogar bolas curvas, transformando longas estradas em esferas. Tudo o que sei escrever é sobre a morte interna. Eu não estava pronta para o que estava por vir...

Quem poderia supor? "A vida tem dessas." Certamente poderia ser pior, mas nunca dizemos o quanto poderia ter sido melhor. O pior é uma espera, mas o melhor é uma oração. E o que sempre me pegará será ver a escrita: "1993 - 2024".

A morte é o que une as pessoas, pois é a única coisa que espera a todos de maneira análoga, caminhando silenciosamente ao nosso lado.

--------------------------------------

Parte especificamente para Liam.

"Se eu tentar gritar e conseguir que algum som saia dos meus pulmões, você conseguiria me ouvir? Continuo a dançar no meu quarto, desta vez mais sozinha que nunca. Espero por sua volta, que, desdenhosamente, não virá, mas de alguma forma consola meu pequeno e agora murcho coração esperar, assim como a maldição das nostalgias que prometem trazer os velhos tempos de volta, mas nunca o fazem. Eu não queria te deixar ir, mas passei tempo demais planejando incessantemente como perseguir o sucesso, mesmo me desfazendo em medo. Traçando uma fuga com destino ao passado quando sentia que já não era mais a mesma, trancada num apego letal e vívido.

Sinto que nunca pude realmente te tocar, mas, mesmo sem a ponta dos seus dedos, você tocou a parte mais profunda e íntima do meu coração.

Querido Liam, estamos todos orgulhosos do amor que espalhou em seus anos de vida, como doou sua voz para contar histórias que estão enroladas por fios cobertos de ouro maciço. Por ser o 'Daddy Direction', pelos rumores de sua aversão por colheres que, toda vez, me faz rir ao encarar uma, por sua jovem e ingênua paixão pelo Batman, Toy Story e camisas xadrez! Por sempre ter sido e ser o nosso vermelho...

Você me faz forte, e 14 anos não durariam para sempre, nem para mim, nem para você. O amor e a terna maneira com que sempre tratou seus admiradores e fãs me aquecem de certa forma.

O Paraíso poderia esperar um pouco, certo? Mas ele não o fez. Eu caio de joelhos em uma oração suplicante para que, quando você abrir seus olhos do outro lado, a paz o receba, seus pecados sejam curados com o passar do tempo, e que nosso amor possa chegar até você, acalentando sua alma, que descansará em serenidade.

Contanto que estejamos juntos, não importa onde eu esteja, certo? Nem onde você está agora.

Acredito que nada seja um acidente para Deus, embora eu ainda não acredite em tudo o que aconteceu diante de meus olhos e minha adolescência, tenho como dever guardar a parte do seu coração que você me emprestou e agora está dada. E, mesmo que corte como uma adaga, meu coração se encontra cheio até a borda de amor.

Sim, eu serei forte em cada respiração minha. Sua jornada acaba aqui, mas seu legado e história atravessará décadas. Casa é onde o coração descansa...

Descanse em paz, anjo."

[gaymer-hag-stan]

2023 SECOND GEN K-POP GG SONG ROUNDUP

The year is almost over, so I believe this is the perfect time for a song recap!

The girlies have been pretty busy this year as we have songs in Korean, English, Japanese and Mandarin Chinese!

•Hur Young Ji's "L.O.V.E.", from her digital single album, "Toi Toi Toi"

I still haven't figured out why DSP thinks that's how her family name is spelled in English, but Youngji's (third) solo debut was by far my favourite re-release of TAEYEON's "Weekend" this year! I love the colours, I love her hair, the looks and I even like her Bora-esque talk-rap segment after the first chorus!

•SUNMI's "STRANGER", from her digital single album of the same name

Sunmi has mastered the art of delivering gorgeous MVs and visuals, that's for sure, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit I was a bit disappointed. I like the instrumental she used for the chorus, and since it was the segment playing in the teasers as well, I thought she was gonna give us "Tim Burton movie OST realness", and she did... But then she went and mixed in a completely different instrumental for her verses and bridge and another one for the pre-chorus. Girl why 😭

•TAEYEON's "To. X", from her mini-album of the same name

Taeyeon is continuing her reign as the queen of second gen with her moody breakup songs and I wouldn't expect anything less from her. Not her strongest effort yet, but still fun to listen to.

•HYOLYN's digital single, "This Love" (feat. Random Guy No. 8)

Hyolyn is the queen of cunt, but it's still a nice change of pace when she releases cutesier / less sexy songs. The guy being a dog in the MV was a hilarious twist too!

•Sandara Park's "Festival", from her self-titled digital mini album

Dara finally released the mini she has been teasing for a while now and had her solo comeback after FOURTEEN years! I hope this isn't a one time thing and she actually releases more music. She may not be the strongest vocalist, but Dara was always an idol's idol like, she would do the 2NE1 choreos while looking gorgeous and serving face and smiles so solo projects like this re-release of TAEYEON's "Weekend" are the perfect chance to showcase more "stereotypical", if you will, K-pop visuals and concepts that we wouldn't really get out of 2NE1. And she even got Uhm Jung-hwa, one of her own idols, to cameo on the MV, sampled her song for this comeback, and got to guest at her concert! Way to go Dara!

•HYO's digital single, "Picture"

A solid release from our resident DJ, although I still think her early works and the unhinged "DESSERT" haven't been topped yet. At least it wasn't "Second", I HATED Second.

•SoYou's "ALOHA" (feat. Bora), from her mini-album, "Summer Recipe"

Soyou giving us "Queen of summer"! YES! This is definitely among my favourite releases this year. It's catchy, it's summery, it's dancey and she's SANGING as usual. The fact that she even got Bora to do the most unhinged 3 second rap of her career for this is iconic! A bit disappointed she's not in the video but I guess maybe appearing for just 3scs wasn't worth it... Still curious how Hyolyn convinced her to do just that for the upcoming SISTAR19 comeback. Maybe she promised her she'll sing as much as Dasom did for "Summer or Summer"?

Also, you know what I was thinking?

This is probably delusions of a senile homosexual, but having a SISTAR19 comeback in the middle of winter is weird. I know Hyolyn did previously release a summer-themed Christmas song but... What if this is a prelude for a SISTAR full group comeback..? Think about it!

•Park Bom's digital single, "I" (feat. A Victorian Era Ghost)

Yes Bommie! This was BEAUTIFUL 😍❤️! I love that she seems to have regained control of her voice in her recent releases? In the years after her comeback with Dara her singing sounded a little... Off? But since last year she seems to be back on track! She even actually got to appear in her own MV this time, I'm so happy!

•Jessica's "BEEP BEEP", from her mini-album of the same name

Okay, this is definitely my favourite song of hers so far like... Yeah, this was the third version of "Weekend" for the year but I don't even care, she nailed it. It's fun, it's cute and she SINGS her ass off. Yass cunt!

Now PLEASE release something more dancey and edgy, bitch..! I'm still not over that one performance of "How Deep Is Your Love" where she was serving c word all those years ago but then NEVER released anything remotely close to that like... what gives girl??

•SoYou's "Digital Single That Doesn't feature Bora"

Soyou had another release this year before her summer comeback that didn't get as much publicity. It's a much more mellow song and not cunty but she gets to showcase her voice and it's a nice song to listen to.

•Nicole's digital single, "Mysterious"

Okay, this I think might be my favourite song overall this year! Nicole picked up on the "YOU.F.O." and, of course, "MOVE AGAIN" momentum from last year and she definitely delivered! She is so mother in this it's insane. Gotta love that bass!

•Nicole's physical single, "Selfish"

And she continued with a Japanese comeback this time! It even charted decently in Japan, like top 20, I think? So girl SLAYED! Glad to see they still got it with Japan. Amazing.

•Amber Liu's digital single, "No More Sad Songs"

A good song from miss Amber. I think her Chinese fans must have liked it too because she also released a Mandarin version. Definitely her best out of the ones she released this year although, if I'm 100% honest, Amber's music is kind of middle of the road for me? It's not bad, it's not amazing, it's just okay. Good for her that she's still at it and doing her thing though.

•Raina's digital single, "The Way We Were"

Raina is back girlies! Glad to see she's still representing the After School girlies in the music scene as she's the only one still releasing music here and then. Luckily, this time she didn't have to resort to collabing with Trash E for this song!

•Amber Liu's digital single, "hatemyself"

Okay, this one is the darkest of her songs yet and, for real, I know everyone has been dragging Amber through filth ever since that stupid pro-cops comment she made, and she definitely deserved the backlash for that, but it did get pretty ridiculous after that like, I can't help but feel for her. She wasn't my favourite f(x) member, her solo music is not my favourite either but I do genuinely hope she is okay?

•NARSHA's digital single, "BLUSH"

Okay so, at first I was like "Is this bitch really making her first solo release in thirteen years a ballad?" But then she released "GAME" so the balance of nature was restored, but other than that this song genuinely did grow on me. It's a nice song and it really fits her voice and breathy singing style.

•Meng Jia's "KNOCKOUT", from her mini-album, "JIALAND"

So, Jia seemingly decided to release the most UNHINGED song of hers yet this year. The production is messy but in a "so messy it's good" type of way. The red hair was a serve and this was a very fun song. Except that weird change at the very end, what the fuck was that for? Someone deserves to get fired for that, she should change producers.

•NARSHA's digital single, "GAME"

I want to once again publicly apologize for ever doubting mother. This was a song for the ladies and the gays only and I know and love that she 100% knows it herself and owns this fact. BEG are among the cuntresses in the K-pop industry that actively and openly acknowledge their LGBT fanbase and regularly release songs about female empowerment and feminism in a non-performative and genuine way, so this was definitely a gift for us and I love her for that.

If you will indulge my delusions for a second time, I'd like to think that, like SISTAR, those OG hags are cooking up some new group music and Narsha's very unexpected comeback is a prelude to the group's.

•Nicole's "Gravity", from her single album of the same name

This is definitely not as strong as the other two releases this year but it doesn't matter because we shouldn't be greedy and it's still a fun song so it's all well. Bold move to release a summer song way out of season again too.

•Jea's digital single, "Congratulations to You"

This is a very sweet song honestly. JeA said she wrote this all the way back in 2010, I think, as a means to cheer up herself for all the things she had already accomplished and her future self if she was ever feeling like she wasn't doing enough. I think she also said she had been singing it live regularly whenever she was performing, she did have a solo concert either late last year or very early this year, if I'm not mistaken, and she decided it was time to release it properly.

My only minor complaint is that the "be happy day to you" part kind of takes me out of the sentimental moment 😅😭 I know nonsensical English is the bread and butter of K-pop, and I will forever be grateful for lyrics like "I'm so bad girl I'm so cool girl I'm so sexy sexy sexy girl" or "fire in the hole when you touch me down there I'm not feeling very well so hot in down there" or "kiss me baby I'll must be stay here day by day" but for such a personal and sentimental song she maybe should have had someone double check it, just this once 🤣

•Wang Fei-fei's digital single, "Distance"

Fei seemingly decided that she should give the others a chance and not serve cunt, not mother, but take it slower and chiller instead this year. A good effort, but I had come to expect a bit more from her if I'm being honest.

Below you can find the full Spotify playlist. Enjoy!

Some honourable mentions:

~Whatever that short snippet that HyunA released is supposed to be, it's amazing! She also did it for the gays and the girls and I genuinely hope she revamps it into a full song and releases it because it's currently not available to stream anywhere, other than the performance video on YouTube of course.

~Various project and cover songs: Taeyeon and Naul's "Nights Into Days", Bom's cover of a 90s song, "Holding On to the End of This Night", Hyolyn's cover of a Chinese TikTok song, "Fizzled", and JeA's "Rainy Day" for the Yaoki Project.

~Some b-sides from Taeyeon's mini worth checking out: "All For Nothing", "Fabulous" and "Nightmare"

~Jessica's collab with Amber, "Get It? Got It? Good"

~Hyolyn remembering to fulfill her cunty quota for the year and releasing a performance video for "BODY TALK", one of the b-sides from last year's mini.

~Although she said "No More Sad Songs", Amber went and immediately released three more. "hatemyself" was the better of the three, but she also did "Can't Go Yet" and "ILY".

~Jia's "GOOD GOOD LOVE" from her "JIALAND" EP and another song she silent-dropped a few days ago, "Starlight".

No T-ara reps at all this year as they were all real busy playing golf... I HATE THEM 🤬😭

[lordmayokcorner]

IVE I'VE Review

-- written April 10th, updated May 4th --

-- image: NME --

First full length album by the Korean pop girl group IVE under Starship Entertainment. Many high expectations were set on this album considering it followed three “A/B” style single releases, Eleven, Love Dive, and After Like, which all topped charts. Love Dive even made #10 on the Global Billboard. 11 songs long, it was released April 10th 2023, with a single “Kitsch” pre-released on March 27th. The title track of this album is song 2, I AM.

This was written on the day of release, so I have no idea what will end up being popular, a fun game indeed. I’ve (haha no pun intended) listened to each song three times to give me a relatively good perspective on each. I’ll describe the song as I’m listening to it, give my thoughts, and rate it on a scale of 1-10. A 5 is completely neutral, no thoughts good or bad, with 1 and 10 being the worst and best possible songs to my taste. Take my rating with a grain of salt, and no hate please!

Blue Blood - 8/10

Update: 7/10. Less exciting throughout most of the song than it used to be.

Immediately this song demands attention. The dark synths and powerful drums remind me a little bit of Love Dive mixed with a bit of LION by (G)-IDLE. The simplistic but consistently driven feeling of this song is magnificent. I’m very happy to see how many lines are given to Gaeul. She may be my bias, but I really do think she is a talented vocalist, on top of her excellent dance. Whatever instrument is used in the post chorus is a really good choice and a very interesting sound. I love the almost south asian/middle eastern sound this group has on some of their releases. Sound quality on the vocals could be better. Love it overall though.

I AM - 6/10

Update: 7/10. I like this better. The chorus is fun.

Very different from the last. Keeps the synth and drum sound, but much more fun and dancey. It would be well described as bouncy. The vocal processing in the chorus is very pleasant, and the bass is smooth. I don’t love the sound of the vocals on the verses however. The “three” feel of this song feels quite repetitive so this song becomes very boring after a bit of hearing it. That said, the production is VERY powerful and it’s certainly a fun track.

Kitsch - 7/10

Update: 7/10. Not much changed.

The little whistle sound at the beginning is nice. Instantly the bass is infectious and I love the feel. It feels like a happy, laid-back Love Dive. Verses are excellent, in the vocals, production, instrumentation, mixing, everything. Pre-chorus is disappointing. Much more formulaic and the clap is not for me, however I do like the low synth sound a lot. If the pre-chorus didn’t hurt enough already the chorus of this song falls completely flat. It doesn’t fit the rest of the song well at all and the vocal lines are just not it, but the bass is very smooth. Post chorus I quite like. The rapping is decent and the bass is simply incredible. It really reminds me of Charli XCX. I love this song but the chorus just isn’t it.

Lips - 6/10

Update: 6/10 still. Nice.

Kiss Me More. Immediately. I’ll try to judge this as its own song, but it really is just a copy of Kiss Me More (Doja Cat and SZA). I like the guitar and percussion sounds in the background. They help to set the vibe. The vocals are nice in this track. The concept is a bit overdone though. Honestly I don’t have much more to say. It’s alright. Nothing too against it or for it aside from plagiarism.

Heroine - 9/10

Update: 7/10. Not as into this one now.

Oooooh this one is nice! The intro is quite soft and flowery. The synths sound excellent in this song. The reverbed vocals are beautiful. The chorus is nothing new, but has a nice feel. The post chorus on the other hand is infectious. The way this soft beautiful song drops into this bad*ss minor key with more reverbed vocals. Before you know it, it’s gone back to being soft and sweet. Toward the end of the song, we get more and more of this badass smooth dark feel. An ominous buildup and a little spoken word and we’re back into an extended version of the post chorus. I love this song overall.

Mine - 5/10

Update: 6/10. Production and mood is really nice.

Vocals are a bit breathy at the start, but the little sine synth is nice sounding and reminds me of BAYNK. Pre-chorus and chorus have so much energy! The sidechained distorted synth is incredible. Unfortunately what feels like a pre-chorus ends up fading into verse 2, making me think there is no real chorus. After verse 2, we get more of a formal pre-chorus which is absolutely beautifully done. The instrumentals here are so soft. It almost feels like a more electronic version of parts of Snail Mail’s Valentine, or some songs on Chloe Moriondo’s second record Blood Bunny. I’m a little disappointed by the fact that this song never really feels like it goes anywhere. The whole middle section of the song is excellent, but it just feels like one giant build up. Despite its good parts, I don’t love this song.

섬찟 (Hypnosis) - 5/10

Update: 6/10. Banger.

Wow this is different. But oh no. Oh no Ive. This is the second song on this album that is just brutal plagiarism. The vast majority of sounds, melodies, and vocal/rap lines in this song are literally just Ashnikko’s Daisy. The resemblance is SO strong. I would enjoy this more if it wasn’t a copy of another song, but I must say I do prefer this copy to the original. The production is much more solid and punchy. While it may lack some of the interesting melodic elements of Daisy, it hits harder. Around halfway into the song, the vibe totally switches and we get distant reverbed vocals (a common theme on this record), deep synth bass, and an old school drum ‘n’ bass beat. I prefer this to the main vibe of the song, but it turns back to the Daisy sound pretty quickly, but the song doesn’t end too fast for some incredible rapping to fit in the end. Like Lips, I think my opinion comes out net zero.

NOT YOUR GIRL - 3/10

Update: 6/10. This one really grew on me.

Initially it feels a little weak and circa 2010. The guitar and bass lines make it feel a bit cheesy. The pre-chorus turns it around however; The piano is powerful and the chords are smooth. The chorus combines the verse and the pre-chorus to form a sort of Twice-like feel good hook. Definitely big Twice vibes combined with some elements of classic early teens pop hits. I think it’s well done, it’s just not for me. I would be fine hearing it in a store or something, I just would rarely ever play it if I had the choice.

궁금해 (Next Page) - 9/10

Update: 9/10. Still love it.

This one is clean as fck. Love the relaxed Hip-Hop/R&B beat in the verse. It’s giving Red Velvet and Purple Kiss. The pre-chorus feels almost like a rap breakdown, but also building up. The chorus is nice, but it loses some of its ability to be effortlessly cool like in the verses. An example of a song which starts out as good as this but keeps it and builds on it in the chorus would be Day n Nite by Moon Sujin, if you know it. I’m definitely liking the fun vibe after the second chorus though. The synth stabs sound pretty awesome. Kind of like Love Dive (a 10/10), the beginning of this song is the best for me. The whole song has a sort of lush quality that I can’t get enough of though.

Cherish - 9/10

Update: 9/10. Still favorite on the album.

Another R&B bop! They’re really bringing the funk here. Sounds a lot like some of the more laidback stuff Le Sserafim has put out such as Impurities and Sour Grapes. Wonyoung’s little pre-chorus vocal line sounds so nice, and Gaeul and Leeseo work incredibly well together on the chorus. The synth stabs that come in are just so clean and classic. The background synths and piano in the end help tie the whole thing together and add sustenance to the beat. This one is certainly effortlessly cool, though it lacks a bit of the pure lushness of Next Page. It makes up for it with its undeniably infectious vibe. This song succeeds at what Next Page couldn’t: being cool as fck all the way through!

Shine With Me - 2/10

Update: 3/10. Production is decent.

Oh no, last song, these are rarely good. The little arrhythmic background synth at the beginning and the chimes are cool, but there isn’t much else. The vocals are very very autotuned. I think that they could’ve done much better with an end song. If you like this song, I totally respect that, but personally I do not like it. Listening to it three times has been a little difficult. I do think that on this song, and throughout the album, the instrumentals are incredible, it just does not tie together well at all.

Final Thoughts

Overall, this is an INCREDIBLE record. It’s very rare that I find a pop album that I like this many tracks of. I think that they could’ve done a bit better with a couple tracks, but even most of the ones I disliked are quality songs that could easily be loved by people who like different styles than I. When I saw that this had 11 tracks (reference to Eleven?) I was very worried many of them would be weak, but I was not disappointed in general. 

I don’t want to give anything a 10 because I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but I think that my favorite track on this album as of now is track 10, Cherish! This is a bit of an outlier, but it is just simply amazing. The production is amazing, and it really brings out the strengths of the three voices that generally are less strong, Leeseo, Gaeul and Wonyoung. Don’t fight me on Wonyoung, just an opinion. This track is effortless and amazing. If anything is a 10, it’s Cherish. 

Thank you for reading this 1700 word beast of a review! Let me know what you think about this album.

- Maya

[white-eyed-girl]

For no other reason than because I think about them a lot, my not-in-order top 5 songs that should have made it to Eurovision but ripped my heart in half instead Electric Fields - 2000 and whatever

I'm pretty sure this song exists outside of the space-time continuum I feel like Australia in Eurovision either goes very sleak or absolute circus, and what's in between kinda gets lost on the way This one was fresh, flowy, very millennial in a way, also hearing bits of australian aboriginal languages in ESC would have been hella cool Madara - Esamība

If you've ever stumbled upon my blog in 2018 you may know how mad I was that Latvia didn't choose this (and no deep crush on Laura Rizzotto ever managed to heal that anger asdfghjkl) This is just one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard :" It's existential, it's symbolic, it's ethereal, it has a slow but mighty fine build-up, and plus it was composed on that wonderful cello sound, which, AHHHHHH Loreen - Statements

At this point I get it, in Melodifestivalen songs need to be awesome "on the spot", because its audience doesn't really like to have to think about them more than once to understand them This probably sounds insulting lol but I think it's just a big cultural difference (I don't think it's a coincidence that there was a part of the Italian fandom who actually did root for this at the time, it was much more up their alley than Euphoria ever had any chance to be) The choral, deeply meaningful performance, the raw power in her voice, the historical references...this was never going to win Mello, in hindsight it was clear to see, but I'm still glad Loreen brought it to life and showed she isn't just cool beats and dancey vibes KEiiNO - Monument

This isn't even a scar, it's an open wound and it's still bleeding :" They didn't have to be in the 2021 line-up to win, they had to be in it because 2021 was the strongest year since 1991 and they were literally the only great thing missing from it and deserved to be there to make it even stronger Hands down the one that hurt the most out of all of these Tosca - Il terzo fuochista

I am cheating a little bit with this one because this competed in Sanremo 2007, so even if it had won it wouldn't have gone to ESC anyway because we were still on voluntary exile :" 2007 was my first Sanremo, I was just a kid and this mesmerized me to the point it has lived in my head ever since, there's only Tosca singing it but it's basically a choral reenactment of a typical italian country fair that culminates in fireworks (yes you could say this song is literally about fireworks AND feelings lol it can be done Salvador!) This is a peak of musical creativity that Sanremo, even in its mostly recurring attention to quality, doesn't reach very often My favourite Sanremo song ever

[misswoozi]

Who do I see Woozi sugar daddying?

Yeri for sure. She's perfect baby material and he'd find her cute as shit, like "you're so fucking cute I need to make you come multiple times immediately". She'd like it if he took care of her but was strict with her at the same time, so she'd love the wager-reward thing.

And this might be left field but hear me out, Nayeon. I wouldn't see them being in a romantic relationship but just hooking up here and there if they're bored. It's because of that iconic Twice-Svt "Who's your mama?" collaboration stage. They had really good chemistry on stage and my eyes were just glued to them the entire time despite the Vernon-Jeongyeon combo. I feel like she found him to be really sweet and he surprised her with how smooth he can be when they were working on that and they kept in touch. One of the main things about Jihoon's appeal is that noone can really get a read on him correctly so he constantly keeps people on their toes without even trying to like a true Sag man (I think that's how it went with Ailee too but that's a story for another time). In my mind they could work great as friends who laugh alot together and fuck each others brains out every once in a while. Plus I'm a sucker for Twice-Svt pairings simply because of the absurdity of whatever the heck takes over Seungkwan whenever he's in Twice's general vicinity lol. Woozi would have a field day about it. He'd keep the Nayeon thing so lowkey that none of them would know and just laugh his ass off with her about it when they're alone.

What do you think? Please share headcannons if you have them and add some more ladies to list. Also may I request the handle of 💃 anon if it's available?

OP, I FUCKING LOVE THE WAY YOU THINK.

Yes, absolutely, Yeri wound be a top contender. He is so attracted to her and so willing to spoil her rotten, treat her like a princess but also fuck her senseless.

Nayeon?? Incredibly hot take and I LIKE IT. Their dynamic wouldn't be quite as sweet as him she Yeri. They'd be rougher, more intense. They're definitely little shits to each other in public.

ALSO I LOVE THE CONCEPT OF MORE TWICE/SEVENTEEN SHIPS. I am down to clown 24/7 about that topic!

ALSO WELCOME TO THE TEAM, DANCEY ANON!!

[of-a-chaotic-mind]

JJ Maybank Headcanons:

A/N: I know I said I was gonna write more but I’ve barely had time or energy to even clean my house lately soooo. Anyway, I’m literally writing these on my lunch break. I may write some for the other pogues too idk yet it depends on how many I can come up with for them. I just have a good bit for JJ bc I think about him a lot lmao. Without further ado.

P.S. This has been sitting in my drafts for like a week awaiting the moment that I decide I'm happy with it lol. So here it is finally.

Random Headcanons:

He sleeps in starfish pose. Like you cannot tell me that this dude can’t or won’t take up an entire bed by himself.

We all know his motto, “Stupid things have good outcomes all the time,” but this dude's number one signature catchphrase has to be “Full Send!” followed closely by “YOLO Bitches!”

This may just be biased bc of Uncharted and the Royal Merchant ordeal but I can definitely see JJ pretending to be a pirate who’s on a massive treasure-hunting expedition when he was a little kid.

JJ’s hidden talent? Rapping. His ADHD and quick mind help him come up with lyrics quickly and even if they don’t always make sense to others they make sense to him 90% of the time.

JJ is either a fighting drunk or a goofy drunk. It’s either “let’s throw some hands” or “I’ma dance on that table brb” there is no in-between.

As for when he’s high, I think JJ is one of those people that just comes up with absolute nonsense that kinda makes sense. He has really deep thoughts about random shit and barely shuts up.

He does a lil dancey dance. I can see him just kinda standing in line, standing amongst the Pogues or they're all sitting around doing nothing and he gets bored so he dances along to whatever song is playing in his head. It often distracts the Pogues and cracks them up.

JJ is a speed demon no ifs ands or buts about it. This makes him a pro at playing spot the cop because while he enjoys the rush, he does not enjoy the idea of getting a ticket.

Somehow, Kie once convinced him to let her put his hair in tiny pigtails. He may or may not have been drunk.

You know that cute little thing where one person sticks out their hand and another rests their chin in it? So, as long as it's someone he trusts i.e. the Pogues or a significant other, they can stick their hand out and catch his attention and he will immediately put his chin in it even if he has to hurdle over tables in his mad dash from across the room.

I saw someone headcanon, I’m sorry but I can’t remember who, that JJ can play drums. I 100% agree. I can see him just banging around on them to let out some frustration one day and Kie convinced him to actually learn how to play them. Let me tell you, it was not easy at all bc JJ’s attention span didn’t wanna hold out for it but eventually he got the hang of it.

Unfortunately, at the insistence of the Pogues, JJ is no longer allowed to light fireworks anymore after having almost caught not only the dock but also The Chateau on fire one Fourth of July.

Dating Him Headcanons:

JJ is always attached to his love in some way, shape, or form. It could just be a simple shoulder-to-shoulder thing or he could be practically backpacked on you with his arms wrapped around your shoulders, his chin resting on your head or in the crook of your neck, and him leaning against your back.

JJ doesn't have a lot of money but what he does have is the desire to shower you with gifts so what does he do? He makes things for you or steals them but that's not the point. Your wrists, hands, and neck are probably always adorned in loads of bracelets, rings, and necklaces that he made for you. They may not look like much to other people but to you, they mean the world and you would never let anything happen to them.

JJ is a huge fan of words of affirmation. Remind him often that you love him and are very proud of him, even sprinkle in a few compliments.

That being said, as you can probably tell from the first headcanon of this section, his favorite form of showing love is physical touch. He loves giving it and receiving it.

JJ loves to make you laugh. He'll pull out the cheesiest pick-up lines and corniest dad jokes if it means he gets even a giggle out of you.

So, like I said previously, JJ takes up the entire bed. I also feel like you'll have to fight him for the blankets. You both may start the night out cuddled up all cute and shit but by the time you both wake up, he's spread out as much as possible leaving you to either tuck into his side or flat out lay on top of him.

JJ never says no if you ask for a piggyback ride. Sometimes if he thinks you’re getting tired he’ll just stop in front of you and squat down motioning for you to hop on.

I think a lot of people think that if JJ were ever jealous he would throw hands or super cockily just butt into the conversation and distract you but I personally think he’s a mean-mugging jealous. Like, say you’re having a polite, innocent conversation with some Touron but JJ gets jealous. I think he’d simply walk up behind you and give the person an “if looks could kill” glare. Soon enough the Touron gets the hint and dips. I don’t think JJ would want to fight in front of you if he could help it even if every bone in his body is screaming to throw hands. He doesn’t want to scare you.

Masterlist

More JJ Maybank Imagines

[zukuist]

𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐦𝐬

“just really random mannerisms they like about you”

my 1.5k special

fandom/s: 僕のヘロアカデミア // boku no hero academia [bnha]

includes: several characters

your name is shortened to y/n, gender neutral!

side note: lol i’ve been gone for 22 days 💀 so sorry for the wait guys! it was finals week during the first half of the month. but now that i’m done with the 9th grade, i can post more! there’ll be more to come later this week

thank you all for 1.5k !!

—

bakugō katsuki

— SPIN

when you do that cute little spin when you’re showing off your outfit for the day, especially before dates

he claims that he thinks it’s dumb, and that you should ‘knock it off’ or ‘quit fuckin’ spinning around like that’ but he actually thinks the opposite, believe it or not. he’ll still react like ‘🙄’ and smirk, like he’s going to make fun of you. however, if you look closely, that smirk of his is actually him smiling at you genuinely, and endearingly. i don’t think katsuki would be someone that would shower his s/o with presents constantly, especially with things like clothes (like.. you could just borrow his sweater, if you needed one) but! he finds himself buying you more clothes, just so you could sit him down, and do that little spin for him.

but, as to be expected of him, he’ll never outright admit that he finds it adorable. but maybe if you push the right buttons, the blond will admit it under his breath.

midoriya izuku

— GESTURING

when you start talking with your hands during conversations and debates.

usually, he’s the one that rambles, and you’re the listener. and though he’s very grateful that you’re his #1 listener, he also really enjoys returning the favor by listening to you too! especially when he gets to stare into those heavenly eyes of yours. but! how can he do that, if you’re the type to speak with your hands? there’s something about it that intrigues him to no end. izuku doesn’t point it out right away when he first notices, but he tends to stare at them like ‘👁👁👀👁👁’, not at all conscious of his own stare, and until someone, or something snaps him out of it. try not to tease him about it, he’s just so infatuated, it’s excruciating for everyone to witness.

he probably has this mannerism written somewhere in his notebook. it’s not at all creepy, but the fact that he thinks it’s important enough to be written in his notebook makes you happy.

todoroki shōto

— QUICK FIX

when you fix his hair, or appearance when he himself, doesn’t notice the disorganization

todoroki shōto is not a messy person. he’s organized, level-headed, and most of the time, he knows how to keep his appearance clean. but like everyone else, there’ll be that instance where he just.. doesn’t see it. and this is where you enter! he dislikes it a ton whenever people try to touch him, but when you do it, he really can’t find himself being angry about it, despite initially hating the idea of being touched without permission. if you’ll go out of your way to fix his appearance, he’ll be grateful! especially when you fix his hair, so his middle part is split nicely and perfectly.

of course, there are other things, like fixing his tie, and making sure that his collar is centered, and even smoothing down his eyebrows with your thumbs. sometimes, he’ll even mess up his appearance on purpose! he’s whipped.

kirishima eijirō

— SQUEAL

when you squeal whenever you’re surprised, and most especially when you see something you like and dislike

it actually does aid him a lot, in a weird sense. not sure if it’s because he finds these sounds helpful, or if he just finds those little squeals, and sounds of approval or disapproval adorable. it also helps him a lot, if you weren’t talkative in the first place. either way, it does help him navigate what you like or dislike. some may say it’s because it gives him an ego boost, or that eijirou gets a weird kick out of it, but it can’t be less genuine than this. whether if it would be a sound of adoration that escaped your lips when you received a post workout selfie, or if it would be a sound of disapproval when you feel the leftover hair gel in his scalp. either way, he finds it super adorable, 10/10.

but.. if you were to ask him, the faux red head would say that he liked your sounds of appreciation more than the ones of disapproval (duh). eijirou kirishima takes pride in making his s/o happy!

kaminari denki

— VICTORY DANCE

the victory dance you do whenever you accomplish, or win something

it’s actually quite iconic at this point. the first time denki witnessed it in person, he was elated, mesmerized. first of all, where did you get those moves? and second of all, do you know how attractive this actually is to him? at this point, he should pull out a camera every time you do your little ‘dancey dance’ because he would like to learn the dance itself. i don’t care if you think the moves are absurd or random, nah. absurd is out of the question, because denki will just admire you, as you danced cheerfully.

people will sometimes ask him “out of all of the things he could’ve found cute, he chose this?” and he’ll just be like “yep.” shamelessly.

shinsō hitoshi

— TOYING

when you start toying, or fiddling with his fingers out of nowhere

please, as if this man’s oblivious about his level of attractiveness. newsflash, he’s aware. he knows that some people like his hands, but in his honest opinion, hitoshi doesn’t know why. he doesn’t have a physical quirk, so he doesn’t need to rely on his hands 100% of the time. but that doesn’t mean that this habit of yours didn’t catch him by surprise. you even did it when you guys weren’t officially together so, he kind of just.. allowed you. so that’s how things are. you’d talk to someone, and your hands would reach to play with his fingers under the table, and when you were a bit nervous than usual, you’d do the same.

he didn’t have to ask you too much about this habit, raising a brow when you first did it, only to receive a sheepish look in return. either way, he finds this habit really cute, and he’ll even start offering you his hand.

amajiki tamaki

— GRASP

grasping onto his hand, especially when you’re anticipating something, or when you’re nervous

he’s usually the one that needed some form of encouragement, support, or comfort. it’s always been that way for him, and there’s a part of him that desperately wished that he just woke up with mirio’s personality. he wishes he could be stronger, and the timid soon-to-be hero wishes there was an instant remedy. which is why, tamaki loves this habit! yeah sure, it flustered him, reducing him to being beet red, and a stammering mess, but moving past the first touch, he adores it. i mean, he doesn’t know if there’s a way he could say it, without making it seem weird but.. it feels nice, knowing you’ll grab onto his hand for comfort.

it makes him feel.. strong. knowing that he’s the one that’s doing the comforting, and not the other way around like how it’s always been. even if not a lot of words are exchanged during these times.

monoma neito

— FOOT POP

when you go to give him a hug or a kiss, and your foot lifts off the ground

yeah, i’m kind of referencing the princess diaries here. but out of everything neito could find cute, this would be at the top. man didn’t notice it at first, because well.. he’s usually kissing you, too absorbed to even notice anything else. but when he realizes it when your foot pops at a little peck on the cheek, he’s proud, boastful like how he usually is. this habit is very dreamy to him, something straight out of a old romcom, or a fairytale. to him, a good kiss would also be defined by this habit. he’ll smirk, “ohoh, your foot did the foot pop! guess i’m that good” he wants to see more of this little habit (habit or not, he still wants to see it)

he’ll boast about this cute habit to everyone, especially when the chance to boast arises. “can you make your s/o’s foot pop?!” he’ll erupt in laughter, absolutely proud of himself despite everyone not really knowing what that even is

—

© zukuist 2021, bnha|mha belongs to horikoshi kohei. do not steal ❕

[twopoppies]

This is gonna be a long one so strap in 😂 tbh ive been a tad apprehensive today about going purely cause of what ive seen in Twitter (and we all know its bullshit but it sent my anxiety reeling). this probably isnt exclusive to harry but the people around me standing werent super friendly (i say this off the back of mcr in which you buddied up with the people around you in an instant for mosh pit safety) but we move - this soon changed and i found friends (going solo can be tricky) but there were still some bad vibes. i got to the venue literally as doors opened so ended up at the back (which for Brixton is still very good)

The pre show playlist is VERY one direction heavy. H is lierally the biggest fan.

cannot even begin to describe how good he was, the crowd were insane and there was a moment during little freak where he genuinely looked surprised at how many people knew the words. Matilda made me sob but whats new there, especially when he prefaced it by saying we had to make sure we loved ourselves.

mitch literally hid in the darkness when harry talked about writing sings with him - this poor man just wanta to play guitar in peace bless him

anne was there and he apologised for some of the lyrics he was singing including cocaine, sideboob choke her with a sea view

before boyfriend's he read out a sign from a girl whose boyfriend had slept with her best friend. safe to say some strong words were said - this is a family show.....or is it 😂

love of my life was beautiful - i have no words

had lil break which was nice and they whacked the ac up which cooled us all off.

adore you and watermelon sugar wete epic as always - he said something about it being to do with oral sex (i may have misheard) - there was also some very vulgar signs toward the front that people held up during 😡

his rendition of wmyb is interesting? im not sure how i feel but i had a great time anywho. Ended on kiwi and my god his lil dancey dances ate adorable, he made sure to baptise the first few rows at least (if not more) with water.

it was amazing, i cant wait till june and it felt so intimate to be in such a small venue - it didnt feel like he was hartd styles the household name, it felt mire like we'd all popped in for a lil sing song 🥺

Apologies for the trash photos 😭

Ahhhhh! It sounds like a great show!! Sorry about the bitchy people at the beginning though. And yeah, I heard he said something about oral sex. 🙄 I cannot believe people brought vulgar signs to such a small venue. With his mother there, on top of it. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Anyway, sounds like you had so much fun. Thank you for the update!!

[morganelise35]

I can’t sleep because I can’t get the night I met bit out my head.

As a last hoorah before my friends and I went off to uni we decided to go to a NoahFinnce gig. Half of my friends had never even heard of him. The other half of us had never heard of the band opening for him.

I’d heard Fresh Concrete in one roadtrip playlist my friend (the only one of us who can drive) made. The playlist is named Adventure Time. I didn’t really connect to fresh concrete. I was just a bit confused tbh.

On to the stage of the Manchester Deaf Institute walked Bears in Trees. I remember falling in love with the one in the middles dinosaur tshirt. I was also a bit confused because from the very little I did know about the bear band (from watching one or two of their tiktoks), I had assumed Nick was the lead singer.

I had never heard reverberate before but I found myself screaming the words I had only heard in that moment at my 3 best friends. It was joyous in ways I don’t think I’ll ever experience again.

Also the guy in the dinosaur shirt doing the whistley bit and having a little dancey dance to a song about flying to Alaska? Chefs kiss.

My friend had parked her car in the car park of a Mormon church? They only accepted cash. So after the Noah gig ended one friend and I convinced the security guard to let us back into the venue hoping the people at the merch stand would do some sort of cash back kinda thing so we could get change to pay. Alas I was too shy to ask to swap a card payment for cash and instead bought a bears in trees tshirt.

Iain was living their best life dancing away to the music the venue was playing through the speakers as Callum and co sold their merch. I was so surprised when I was given a free sticker. Nothing comes for free these days???? Iain may or may not have hinted about the arg after I (am ashamed to admit it) lied about being an active member of their discord. I joined the discord. Yes. But had nothing to add to any conversation because I had no idea what this bear band was about.

Fast forward to today and there is not a lot that brings me more happiness than BiTs music, what they represent, the community they’ve built, and the friends I’ve made through the sandbox.

I wear that tshirt whenever I’m feeling meh and it makes me feel not so meh.

And everybody else smiled back is a gorgeous album that makes me feel so many emotions and helped me realise the emotions I am feeling are actually okay to be felt? Thank you bears in trees for all you do. See you next month where I will know every single lyric and scream them back at you with as much passion as I did when I first heard them in Manchester.

(P. S I am now a full believer in fresh concrete supremacy )

[guqin-and-flute]

And A-Fu Makes 4--Ch. 3

[Happy belated birthday, Jingyi! 🥳]

[Ao3 Link]

Things got a little better in school. Not too much. What they were learning was so boring that paying attention didn’t really make it better even when he did use his new rocks so his ears woke up. His ears just didn’t like what they were hearing. When Yellow-Father visited the Cloud Recesses and gathered him up and asked him all smiley what his favorite thing from class today was, A-Fu scowled. “When I leaved. ”

Yellow-Father’s eyebrows went crinkly. “An education like this is a great privilege, Fufu. You’re very lucky.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t feel lucky. Not never.”

His father’s crinkles turned into a little frown and he said, all serious, “There are a great many people who never get to go to school, let alone have the life you’re going to have.”

“Then they’re the lucky ones.”

After that, Yellow-Father closed his eyes and took a deep breath before smiling and asking if he found any good bugs lately--which was such good timing because A-Fu had ! He got to show Yellow-Father the little house he had made for them in the back garden with mud and sticks and a couple rocks--unfortunately, only a couple had actually stayed inside. And maybe that was because they were too busy sleeping on their backs with their legs all curled up but that was okay, because he held them up all proud and Yellow-Father agreed that yes, they were a very nice find and now he could go and wash his hands. 

What actually really started to make school lucky was that they began going outside to train and use their practice swords more. A-Yuan may have been good at everything else and just a little bigger than him, but A-Fu was starting to feel great when he got to swing his sword around all strong and fast like his fathers. Up until now, no one at Cloud Recesses had let him whack anything, practically--it was all ‘hold it like this’ and ‘bow like this’ and ‘etiquette etiquette etiquette’. Blah blah blegh. Just another thing to forget. But A-Fu was finding out that his body was pretty good at remembering things, even if his brain wasn’t, and one time, even the teacher passed by and nodded, saying, “Just like that, Lan Fu,” and the sun came up in his chest all sparkly and happy. 

He grinned over at A-Yuan, who was concentrating really hard on swinging straight down and didn’t see him, but it was totally okay, because the teacher had told him that he was good! He was doing so good!

After class, he ran all the way home through the sun coming down through the trees to the Hanshi and told the whole entire thing to Blue-Father about 5 times as they walked to the secret bunny patch in the woods. He even stopped on the path to stand with his practice sword to show him his stance and everything. “I’m so proud of you,” Blue-Father had said with a wide, warm smile, waiting for him to catch back up. “You’ve been working very hard.”

“I have! Watch, watch--I can do it so fast! So much faster than A-Yuan! I’m gonna kill all the bad guys!”

Blue-Father shook his head, still smiling, turning to walk beside him with Shuoyue held behind his back. “We should use our swords to protect people.”

Right away, A-Fu copied him, holding his practice sword behind him with his shoulders all straight and his chest puffed out. Their footsteps crunched on the white rocks, every once in a while matching up on a step. A-Fu tried to make them match more, but Blue-Father’s legs were too long. “Yeah, from bad guys that I’m gonna kill! When is the next war?” he asked, looking up at his blue father, all calm and tall against the trees. “Are we gonna win it?”

“Wars are not scheduled, silly boy. Nor should we wish for them.” He held out his hand--A-Fu switched his sword hand and took it as they kept walking. “Your die’s have fought very hard to give you a world free of war.”

What? That was the worst news! “No more wars ? How is people supposed to be heroes, then? That’s not fair, all you got to be heroes! Die, you shouldn’t have ruined it for the rest of us.”

Blue-Father gave a small hum of laughter through his nose before looking down at him with a smaller smile, shaking his head again. “In truth, wars aren’t about glory or heroes. A good leader sees them as a last resort, not something to seek out. The ones who suffer the most are the people who cannot protect themselves and those left behind--and so we dedicate ourselves to the service of those who need us. That should be your goal if you want to be a hero, not the killing. It's what your Uncle Wangji does, when he can. He is known for being where the chaos is.” He looked out into the deep green of the forest shadows. “There is nothing wrong with a peaceful life.”

A-Fu rolled his eyes and leaned way over, hanging from Blue-Father’s hand. “Boooring. I wanna fight--kshh kshh ksshhew!” he added really loud as he reached out to beat up a rock right next to the path, whacking it so loud ‘tok’s echoed around them, scaring a squirrel up a branch.

Blue-Father’s hand squeezed and tugged him back carefully. “A-Fu, don’t treat your sword that way, use it with respect.” 

Sulkily, A-Fu stuck it behind his back again. 

“And you will have plenty of opportunities to fight, in the life we lead. What’s more important is to have empathy and kindness. Ah, Wangji.” He nodded to him as they finally stepped into the little meadow, bunnies hopping up eagerly to see if they had treats in their pockets. “A-Yuan!” He added with delight as A-Yuan raced up and grabbed onto his thigh with a big grin.

Excited, A-Fu pulled his hand away and wrapped around his other leg, linking his feet behind his heel. “Walk! Walk!” he hollered and so Blue-Father did, walking with careful straight leg steps all around the bunny patch while they both giggled into each others faces when they swung by and the little white puffballs of rabbits scattered in front of them.

A-Fu loved playing near the rabbit hutches with his family--it smelled like sweet hay the rabbits ate and the clean water smell of the stream nearby which made cheerful noises. Some sun came through the thick leaves, but not a ton, so it was green and shady, even on sticky hot days. The grass was thick and fun to jump around and dance and wrestle on. 

After 3 times around the whole meadow, Blue-Father shooed them off so he could sit, and A-Fu shyly went with A-Yuan over to go say hi to Uncle Wangji where he sat watching them with a guqin on his knees and a bunny nestled in the corner of his thigh. A-Fu showed him that he still had his rocks from school, tucked in his inner pockets, snug and warm. Uncle Wangji nodded with a little smile and A-Fu felt all shiny and bubbly and thought that this was maybe one of the best days ever. He sat right next to him, leaning on his leg, and told him what songs he wanted them to play when Blue-Father took out his xiao. The grownups played lots of music while they were there; dancey ones and pretty ones and boring ones they played all slow and sad. It was nice because the music was kept close by all the huge trees, like a private recital. A-Fu danced with A-Yuan to the fast ones, pretended to be underwater for the slow ones, then chased the bunnies around when there were too many of those--until A-Yuan made him stop.

Eventually, though, fathers started talking in between the songs, and that got long enough that the instruments just stayed in their laps and A-Fu got bored. Then, he had the greatest idea. He grabbed A-Yuan’s hand and pulled him up so his special speckley rabbit hopped out of his lap. (A-Fu had named it Poop-Eater and A-Yuan had named it Turnip and they both would not use each other’s name--A-Fu because he thought it was lame and A-Yuan because he thought it was gross--even though it was true , because he did eat poop, A-Fu had seen it.) Dragging A-Yuan over to where the grass was long and soft and pretty un-nibbled, he said, “Let’s do a dueling!”

A-Yuan held out his arms wide, showing him in his sleeves. “But I don’t have my practice sword.” 

“Hmph. Well, okay, I have mine...so the duel is who can swing the sword the best. You go first.”

A-Yuan scrunched his face up and looked back at where Blue-Father and Uncle Wangji were chatting quietly about something, both petting the sleeping bunnies in their laps. “Do I gotta? I’m playing in bunnies and I'm tired.”

“Yes, we gotta, for really real! We can play in bunnies after!”

After one more longing look at the rabbits, A-Yuan sighed. “Okay.”

They practiced, back and forth and back and forth, and since A-Fu was so good in class, he was able to tell his cousin that his hands weren’t holding it right. Then, that his feet weren’t right, and then that he wasn’t swinging it fast enough or straight enough. It felt great to be the one in charge, the one who knew all the right answers, for once. Eventually, he rolled his eyes and asked, all smug, “Did you even pay attention in class? It’s not that hard. Are you trying at all?”

Right away, he knew he messed up. 

A-Yuan’s face got all wobbly and red and his eyes went shiny. He dropped the sword and ran to Uncle Wangji sobbing, saying that A-Fu was being mean to him. A-Fu’s tummy dropped into his feet like when he had jumped off the too high wall. He ran to go hide behind his father--but, of course, he didn’t let him. Blue-Father found his hand and tugged him to his feet and made him stand up straight and tell them what happened. Uncle Wangji sat on the grass and held A-Yuan under his chin and listened to A-Fu explain with a quiet face that didn’t show what he was thinking at all. “I wasn’t making fun of him! We were playing!” There was a long silence, and A-Fu squeezed his eyes shut and covered his ears. “I’m not lying!”

Blue-Father’s even voice said, “Then tell us, A-Fu.”

Desperately, A-Fu looked up at him where he stood, still covering his ears. He was looking down at him with a serious face, eyebrows raised. He wouldn’t let Uncle Wangji yell at him.

...Right? 

“Diedie… ”

“We need to take responsibility for the hurt we have caused. There is no getting out of it.”

“You were making fun of me,” A-Yuan sniffed, all miserable, turning in Uncle Wangji’s lap to look at him. 

Everyone else was looking at him, too, and A-Fu got all hot and squirmy and ashamed because now everyone was mad and hated him. “I was just...I was teaching him...he wasn’t doing it right…” he whispered, his eyes all blurry. 

He just wanted to be good at something. Why was he in trouble for being better than A-Yuan at something when A-Yuan had so many other things he was better at? It wasn't fair.

Uncle Wangji looked at A-Yuan, whose lip trembled as he said in a voice like a wobbly guqin string, “But you said it so mean.”

“I didn’t! That’s how they teach me !” A-Fu cried, pulling his hand down from his ear to scrub at his tears.

“Do you know it is wrong?” Uncle Wangji’s voice was quiet--which definitely wasn't yelling but it sure felt like it.

A-Fu just covered his face and didn’t say anything.

“Should you do it, if you are aware?”

“...No.”

Blue-Father knelt down beside him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You know that this is not how we treat people. You need to practice empathy--think of how he is feeling. If it hurts you, it will hurt him. What do we say to A-Yuan?”

When A-Fu looked back at A-Yuan, seeing him still crying made A-Fu start crying again, which made A-Yuan start crying again and they hugged and A-Fu said he was so so sorry and he would never ever say anything mean to him ever again. A-Yuan forgave him right away, like he always did and hugged him back super tight. A-Fu saw Blue-Father smile a little at Uncle Wangji--who gave a teeny smile back. (A-Fu was getting better at being able to see them. They were there! Just quieter.) Then they both curled up on Blue-Father’s lap and played with the bunnies while Uncle Wangji played more nice songs on the guqin and things just all got so much better. 

‘Empathy’ was a Blue-Father word--A-Fu noticed it popping up, like Blue-Father kept it in his pocket. Whenever he yelled when he got too mad or did something without thinking or talked before his mind caught up, it was ‘empathy empathy empathy’. Maybe it was his favorite or something.

Some of his other grown ups had pocket words, too--Great-Uncle Qiren’s was ‘Prohibited’ or ‘Impertinent’ and Yellow-Father’s was ‘Careful’. When A-Fu started looking, he kept noticing it more and more--when he played with A-Qiang a little too rough or balanced on the edge of the koi pond, he got a 'careful'. When he ran around right after a bath, he got a “Fufu, careful! ”

One time, he got a ton of ‘carefuls’ in a row, when he was in Koi Tower and he snuck out behind the nanny’s backs again. He went around and around in the halls to lose them until he was almost dizzy and when he finally stopped, he realized he didn’t recognize anything--there were no windows and more doors than usual,  dark and sturdy. The walls didn’t have as many fancy curlicues and dangly bits as the rest of Koi Tower, more plain blue with just some gold circles studding the pillars every once in a while. Well. A-Fu just had no idea where this was. 

He wasn’t worried, though, because when he poked his head around a corner, he spotted Yellow-Father facing away, talking to a black and gold someone in a doorway, so he dashed down the hall and catapulted into his father’s legs and yelled a hello with a big grin. It wasn’t until he looked up at his father’s face that he noticed he wasn’t smiling back like he usually was. His expression was all tight and unhappy, his eyes darting between A-Fu and the man he was talking to. 

The man was smiling down at him, though. But his eyes weren't friendly--they were dark and... waiting. They glittered like a snake and A-Fu even liked snakes--but he was pretty sure that people shouldn’t have the same sort of eyes.

Yellow-Father’s hand squeezed his shoulder as he tried to turn him around quick. “Fufu, you are not allowed down here, you need to--”

But A-Fu spotted something and he squirmed back around in his hands. “Why do you have that?” He pointed at the man’s hand where it sat on his hip with only the pinky covered by the black leather of his glove. “That’s weird.”

“Lan Fu-- ” 

The fact that Yellow-Father just full-named him flew out of his head because A-Fu decided right then and there that he didn’t like this guy when he said, “Wow, you’re a rude little shit, aren’t you?” Then, the stranger man tilted his head, his wide, weird smile growing wider and weirder. “Ooooh, is this Er-ge’s spawn?” 

A-Fu jutted his chin forward and folded his arms. “No, I’m--”

“That’s enough. I think you have somewhere to be,” Yellow-Father said. And A-Fu froze, looking up at him with wide eyes. Because Yellow-Father was never rude, no matter what--but his voice had been rough and cold like ice and he was staring at the snake eyed man. And he was finally smiling; all hard like a warning. 

For some reason, that seemed funny to Snake Eye Guy and his teeth peeked through. “You’re not even going to introduce us?”

“No.” Yellow-Father took A-Fu by both shoulders and turned him, marching him right back down the hall.

“Rude. Do you like sweets, brat?” Snake Eye Guy called after them.

A-Fu scowled back over his shoulder as Yellow-Father kept steering him in front down the hallway, almost tripping him on his feet. “Yeah,” he said, super tough, just like Gray-Father would. “Why?”

“Come find me if you ever want any.” Then, he laughed, delighted when Yellow-Father’s fingers tightened on his shoulder like claws. “Oh, what, Lianfang-zun? What do you think I’m going to do to him? It’s just candy.” His mocking followed them around the corner A-Fu had to take at a jog.

Yellow-Father had hustled them down the strange corridors until they found the sun again. He was still squeezing until A-Fu yelped that he was squishing his bones out, and he let go right away. When he stopped to kneel down and rub them, he started scolding with a worried frown, “Fufu, you cannot keep doing this. You need to stay with your nannies and out of places that are not meant for you. You have to be more careful.”

A-Fu just wanted to know who that guy was and why his hand was like that and why he was so weird and why was Yellow-Father so mad at him and did he really have candy?

And Yellow-Father wouldn’t answer any of his questions at all. He just kept saying, so serious, that A-Fu could never be around him again or talk about him and that he needed to be careful. And usually A-Fu was annoyed at new rules, but this one seemed to make sense. It would also be pretty easy to follow, because he gave him the creeps and he didn't really want to have to talk to him again. But he still wanted to know-- “Why?”

“He’s not someone a child should be around. If he ever tries to talk to you again, you come and find me right away, Fufu. Do you promise me?”

“Who was he?”

“Do you promise ?”

A-Fu had to think. “Yeah. Why?”

“Just...don’t worry about him. You shouldn’t see him again, but if you do, leave at once.”

“Are you mad? Why can’t I talk about him?”

“...Because it would be gossip. Gossip is forbidden.”

A-Fu guessed that made sense. Maybe. He reached up and grabbed Yellow-Father’s hat dangly, asking, “Are you mad? Are you mad at me?”

Yellow-Father sighed and rubbed his face and then finally smiled at him, all squinchy and small and harassed. “No. No, I’m not mad. I’m sorry.” He pulled A-Fu in close and squeezed, kissing his forehead.

“Is he a bad guy?” A-Fu asked Yellow-Father’s neck. “I can beat him up for you, I’m getting really good at swords.”

Yellow-Father huffed out a breath and smoothed A-Fu’s hair down. “I’m sure you are. But no. Just...just be more careful. Don’t come here again. Stay with your nannies.”

“Why? Careful what?”

Yellow-Father pulled back and rubbed his temple. “It’s time to go back, now--and no more escaping! You can’t be so naughty, what are you going to do to my heart, making me worry? I’m going to have to have a talk with your nannies….”

If ‘Careful’ was Yellow-Father’s pocket word, maybe one of Gray-Father’s pocket words was the grownup word 'Conviction'. A-Fu first learned about it when he went to stay at the Unclean Realm for a whole entire month in the summer. 

It was so much fun--he went into town with Uncle Huaisang a lot and hid in the sweet smelling fabric at the silk shops and got a little toy fan, just like Uncle Huaisang’s. Almost every day they went down and both got candied hawthorn sticks as they walked around and looked at things. A-Fu’s favorites were the toy stands--he got pinwheels for him and A-Yuan and A-Ling and A-Kui. He tried to get them in all the Clan Colors but they didn’t have red, so he got A-Kui yellow, too.

Sometimes, though, they would go into the forest and find a little stream where Uncle Huaisang would tie up their sleeves and they would try to catch fish with their hands. Uncle Huaisang was really bad at it and A-Fu told him so. He got so offended that he splashed him and got his robes all wet. And one day, they followed a little blue bird for-ev-er until A-Fu started complaining and scared it away. Uncle Huaisang had paid him in candy to not repeat any of the words he yelled at the sky as it flew off above the trees. Oh well. A-Fu liked hunting for things on the ground more anyway, like frogs or turtles. They couldn’t fly away and they were easy to stuff in his pockets or his sleeves. One time, he brought back, like, five toads and Gray-Father said the same bad words as Uncle Huaisang when they got on his important letters. From then on, toads were banned from the Unclean Realm, which made A-Fu grumpy. But at least he still had the 3 salamanders he found and he was learning new vocabulary words, like he did for school.

Other times, he would help weed and water the vegetable garden out behind Uncle Huaisang’s room. They had planted it together the last time that A-Fu had stayed a million years ago and things were still growing--but there were a couple beans and lettuce and carrots he got to munch on after they rinsed them off. It was kind of boring, but he got to look for worms and eat, so it wasn’t so bad.

Nie Zonghui, Gray-Father’s second in command, always had a nice smile and showed him how he could use his double sabers, which was the coolest thing next to Baxia. Now that he actually knew things about swords, A-Fu followed him around a lot when he was doing practice drills in the training yard with all the pink flower trees around it, copying his moves with sticks, since his practice sword was back in the Cloud Recesses. “I’m not certain I should be teaching you these,” Nie Zonghui said with a smile down at him as A-Fu hacked at a practice dummy’s butt. “Sabers and swords use different techniques and I don’t want to spoil your learning before you even start.”

“Well, if it’s my sword, I can use it how I want, right?”

“Mm. Not quite. You’ll be taught Lan skills.”

A-Fu frowned, wiping sweat off of his face with his sleeve, then shoving his headband up when it slipped. “Then I’ll get two--one sword, one saber and I’ll use them in two hands like you and it will be the coolest thing anyone has ever seened.”

Nie Zonghui grinned and looked over at the Nie shijie that was snickering nearby at the next dummy. “Uh, that will be a sight. I look forward to it.”

A-Fu nodded firmly at them. “Yeah, you do that.”

When Gray-Father stopped doing boring work talking to people and came out on the training grounds, A-Fu would challenge him to a duel and fight him with a Nie practice saber. It didn't always go so well because Gray-Father knew more moves, but when it got too complicated, A-Fu just whacked his shins and knees really hard and then tackled his tummy so they fell on the dirt and laughed. When Gray-Father wasn’t around, the cool Nie disciples sometimes let him whack them in the knees! He just had to promise to avoid the nards, which he thought was fair.

He would go walking and playing with Gray-Father on days where he was back from Night Hunting and meetings, riding on his back or one shoulder like he was Clan Leader--or even a King! When he sat up there, he was so tall, he could probably be in charge of anybody! Sometimes Gray-Father was grumpy and not in the mood for a lot of wrestling. Sometimes he told A-Fu to ‘calm down and cut it out’ when he got super bouncy or loud. But most times, he was happy to see A-Fu and threw him up into the air or pretended to eat him or asked him all about his day. And A-Fu was so super happy to see him too, because he missed him.

Sometimes, though, he got a little sad and missed Blue-Father and A-Yuan and his Cloud Recesses friends and the bunnies and Uncle Wangji and even Great-Uncle Qiren. Sometimes, he had nightmares where he woke up in a place he didn’t know and no one would look at or talk to him. Those times, Gray-Father would let him crawl into bed once he knocked on the door. He would hug him close to his chest and pat his back and say that he missed Blue-Father, too, and he wouldn’t ever leave A-Fu anywhere he didn’t know. The Unclean Realm was his home, just like Cloud Recesses and just like Koi Tower, but he just had a whole bunch more practice of Cloud Recesses. He was used to the night noises of the bugs and the shush of the tree outside his window when the wind blew. Well, he told his father, A-Fu just needed to stay here more often, that’s all! And he had smiled.

When Gray-Father heard about how good he was getting at swords in school, he was so totally proud of him. His father ruffled up his hair and smushed his cheeks and said, “Practicing a lot, are you? You’re going to be a fearsome warrior just like your die? Smite all the evil?”

A-Fu got that happy sparkly feeling bubbling up again. “Yeah!”

Uncle Huaisang grinned and fwipped his fan shut, patting A-Fu’s shoulder with it. “Ah, good job, good job! What about reading and writing, xiao-Fu? I bet your calligraphy is going to be impeccable!”

A-Fu wrinkled his nose--peckable? "We don't keep birds like that in the Cloud Recesses, shushu," he reminded him, all patient. Ugh, did he ever think about anything else besides birds?

His uncle and his father looked at each other. "Oh, of course! My mistake. But I bet with your shu-gong on your case, you're the top of the class!"

A-Fu shrugged, flapping his toy fan open and closed really fast, the way that made Uncle Huaisang wince (and he did). “I hate reading. It’s stupid and hard. I like doing swords way more, I’m better at stabbing. ” When he said it, he jabbed the fan forward with both hands toward Gray-Father’s chest.

Gray-Father did a complicated twisty thing with his hand and snatched it right from A-Fu’s fingers, bopping him on the head with it. “Good boy, practicing.” 

A-Fu wrapped both arms around the sting and scowled. “Hey!”

Uncle Huaisang sighed. "Aiya, another one. Promise me you'll at least still paint with me?"

Before he could answer, Gray-Father asked, “How are you with a bow and arrow? Have you started yet? Maybe we could try hunting sometime soon.”

Uncle Huaisang made a scrunchy face, folding his arms. “Da-ge, don’t you think that’s too rough for him? And... would Er-ge approve?”

Some of the happy went away from Gray-Father’s face and he looked over at Uncle Huaisang. “I went out with die around his age. And Xichen has agreed that he should have a broad education.”

“But he’s just a baby!”

What! 

Extremely offended, A-Fu puffed up and raised his fists. “I’m not a baby! I can hunt! Die, die, I can hunt, can’t I?”

“Of course you can. I can take you later today. How about it?”

When A-Fu cheered, Uncle Huaisang rolled his eyes and muttered something, fanning himself real fast. 

When they went, it was still a nice day but the sun was so bright when it peeked through the leaves, A-Fu had to squint against it and sweat kept trickling down his neck, even though the air was cool up in the mountains. They were both clopping through the forest on Gray-Father’s big brown horse, Leiting, with A-Fu perched in front on the saddle. He felt very important and tall and he kept very quiet just like Gray-Father told him to be, looking around with his practice bow in his lap. When he snuggled back against him, he felt Gray-Father chuckle in his belly and he reached down to pat A-Fu’s chest. Then, his father sat up, straight and quick, and twisted to the side, shooting his bow with a twunnnnng before A-Fu even knew what was happening.

And it turned out that Uncle Huaisang was actually right. 

Because when they got down and found the arrow butt poking up from the bushes, A-Fu’s tummy clenched up tight like a fist. The other end was stuck in a bunny. It was lying there all floppy with blood coming out of its mouth and nose. The one dark eye he could see was looking at the sky, reflecting the sun coming through the leaves. It wasn’t moving. It wasn’t ever gonna move again.

It was dead.

And all A-Fu could think was that this bunny wasn’t ever going to feel the hot sun again or eat a flower or anything.

He had heard about killing before, and he knew what dead was. Kind of. Sort of. He had just never thought about it for Really Real, actually happening. It was for stories and legends. It hadn’t meant anything before now. 

Suddenly, the nice day was horrible and awful and he burst into tears, startling Gray-Father and Leiting, who swung his huge head around to stare at all the noise. Then, he puffed out a breath and shook his head with a jangle. 

“Why did w-we gotta shoot it!? It’s j-just a bun-unny!”

Gray-Father frowned and knelt down next to him, a hand on his shoulder. “What did you think hunting was, child?”

“I do- hic- on't know! Why did you do that?!”

“We hunt animals and take them home for their fur and meat. For food.”

He stared down at the bunny’s big gray body, just laying there on the ground. “Food?!”

“That’s how we eat. What did you think was in rabbit stew?”

“I don’t k-know ! Bits! P-Parts!”

With a face screwed up, Gray-Father pinched his nose with his fingers, then looked at A-Fu again. “You thought we just cut parts of an animal off? That would be cruel, their legs and things don’t grow back. Chicken is chickens. Pork is pigs. We kill them and eat their meat, just like wolves and tigers do. It’s the natural order of things.”

This was the worst news in the world. All this time, he had been eating silly chickens and fluffy rabbits? They were dying? No wonder there were Lan rules about not eating meat or killing in the Cloud Recesses! He wrapped his arms around his tummy and yelled, “I hate it!! I’m-m never gonna kill an-nything ever!”

Sighing, Gray-Father picked him up. A-Fu put his arms around his neck and wiped his nose on his shoulder, smushing his face into his chest. He smelled like leather and the sun. With a thump, Gray-Father sat down on something, maybe a log, patting his back. “We are cultivators. One day, it will be your job to kill evil things--”

“Bunnies aren’t bad guys! They never hurt anyone! ”

Pat pat. “I never said that. Listen to me. You don’t have to like it, but it’s important to know what goes into your food. Everything in this world has its price.”

“I’m n- never gonna eat meat ag-gain!”

“Child--”

“No ! Never! It’s ho-horrible!”

A-Fu felt him heave another sigh as he kept pat-patting. “Alright, alright, deep breath. It’s your choice--you’ll be like your Blue-die and rest of the Lan. If this is what you decide, then we’ll make you vegetarian food when you come here...and I’m sure the cooks in Koi Tower will do the same. But you can’t be picky about what you eat, because you need to grow up strong. You’ll eat what’s put in front of you.” Gray-Father peeled him back and looked down at him with a serious face as A-Fu sniffled. “That means no more of Jin-shao-furen’s rib and lotus root soup or pork bao. No sneaking things with meat from the kitchen just because you get tired of it. If you have a conviction about something, you stick to it. It means nothing if it changes when you please--that’s not conviction, that’s convenience. Do you understand?”

This was obviously a way bigger decision than he had thought when he first said it. He scrubbed at his eyes and stared at the threads sparkling on his father’s robes in the sunlight as he thought. They were bright gold in the dark green, like the fish scales in Uncle Zixuan and Aunt Yanli’s koi pond. “...N-no more pork bao? Or bo-mu’s soup?”

Gray-Father raised his eyebrows and nodded. “Or chicken or fish or any sort of meat.”

He snuck another peek over at the arrow poking up out of the bushes, then stuck out his chin, crossed his arms and announced, “Yes. Never.”

With a big, rough thumb, Gray-Father wiped his tears away from his cheeks, then rested his hand on his shoulder. It was really warm. “Alright. Think more before you decide, because it’s a big change. And if you believe in something, I expect you to mean it.”

A-Fu wasn’t going to think more because he meant it, he really, really did. He didn’t even look at the body of the rabbit as Gray-Father brought it home and he hid behind his hands when they stopped by the kitchen to drop it off. When a golden Jin butterfly fluttered from the sky, Gray-Father scowled and lifted A-Fu down from Leiting’s big back and set him on the ground. “Go find Huaisang. I’ll be by later.”

Instead, A-Fu first wandered to his room and ate the rest of the sticky candied hawthorn that he had forgotten next to his bed and felt a little better. Then, he went and found Uncle Huaisang. He burst right into his room and announced how terrible hunting was. “Did you know they kill the animals!?” he demanded up at him. “Did you know that? I think everyone should!”

Uncle Huaisang pressed his lips together, looking at the door like it had said something rude. Then, he took A-Fu out into their garden and together, they threw seeds on the warm ground and watched the different birds come fluttering down, bright as little bits of colored cloth. He even showed A-Fu how to follow them from behind and reach down to catch it. He wouldn’t let A-Fu try on his own, cause he might grab too hard, but he let him hold one really, really gentle in his hands after he caught it.

It was tiny and smooth and he could feel its little heart beating super fast against his fingertips through its fluff as it looked around. It was so light and small that he all of a sudden got worried that he would squeeze too hard and kill it, so he let it go. 

The rest of the day while he played and ate and ran around and snuggled with Gray-Father, the rabbit totally wasn’t even in his head. 

But that night, after he was tucked into bed and the lantern got blown out, he laid there and thought about the bunny and death. What if they killed a baby bunny's mommy and now it was all alone in the dark? What if it was a Cloud Recesses bunny's cousin? What if they had just killed A-Yuan's bunnies’ A-Yuan? A-Yuan would cry and cry and cry all day if he had seen. 

Rolling over onto his back, he watched the branches outside wave against his ceiling in the moonlight, rustling outside his window in the wind that blew in the sweet smell of flowers. Death seemed to be what big, strong things did to littler, weaker things. It made sense--people were bigger and stronger than the bunny, so they killed it. Tigers were bigger and stronger than regular people, so they killed them. 

Were his birth parents small and weak? They had to be. Had someone shot them through the heart, just like Gray-Father did today? He squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed them, green and black speckled clouds of stars squishing around in the dark. Before today, they had just been a story Blue-Father told him. It hadn’t been real life. And he never really thought or wondered about them dying; they just were dead already. But he guessed that they didn’t just come that way because dead people couldn’t have babies. It was weird. 

It was better that he had his real fathers, now. They wouldn’t ever leave him and Gray-Father could beat up every tiger.

When he got back to the Cloud Recesses at the end of the month, he made sure everyone knew what hunting really was. “And the bunny just died!”

Great-Uncle Qiren sipped from his tea cup, then set it back down in front of him. “Yes, that is the nature of hunting. If you’re worried, it does not sound like the creature suffered.”

“Uh…” No, he hadn’t thought about that. “That’s good. I guess.”

Blue-Father squeezed the base of his neck, comfortingly. “That must have been quite a shock if you weren’t expecting it.”

“Yeah….Did my birth parents get shot by an arrow?”

Blue-Father took in a quick breath, but it was Great-Uncle Qiren who said, in a quieter, kinder voice, “No, Lan Fu. They died in battle, protecting their Clan. You don’t need to know more than that.”

“Why?”

“There is no need to trouble your mind with such knowledge while you are young. Know they did what they could to protect you. As Xichen does now.” 

“I won’t be troubled!”

Great-Uncle Qiren shook his head, mouth a tiny bit smiley under his moustache. “Enough.”

“Will you tell me later? When I’m older?” 

He tilted his head a little. “Perhaps.”

“7?”

“No, it will be many years. Do not ask again, I will not answer.”

A-Fu looked up at Blue-Father, who was petting the ends of his hair where it laid over his shoulders, watching him with a soft smile. “I’m never gonna go hunting again,” he said, firmly. “I’m gonna eat like a Lan always.”

Blue-Father’s eyes curved up and Great-Uncle Qiren made a little bit of a pleased face and nodded. “It is wise of you to consider the sanctity of life and purity of your body. It is why we have this rule.”

Huh! There were good reasons for rules! A-Fu never knew. 

When he told his class, some of them already knew about it, like the older kids and A-Yuan--which wasn’t surprising because A-Yuan knew everything. But a lot of them asked questions, which he did his best to answer while feeling very important. They asked him things like ‘did you see its ghost?’ and ‘was it scary?’ and he demonstrated being dead a couple times, then Gray-Father being the hunter. After a while, they all wanted to try and they ended up all taking turns pretending to die and kill each other in a big game around the practice yard, which was really fun! Until Teacher Lan Hai came back outside and had them practice tightrope again.

[lifepros]

#12273

Battling addictions, depression or burnout syndrome is hard enough, battling it once your place becomes a trash-filled waiting room of a grave is even worse. Here is my tested advice on how to get yourself to clean it up.

TRASH FIRST. It will go so much quicker than you think and seeing the huge clear progress will cheer you up spectacularly. Get a roll of plastic bags. Start from the floors. Just grab everything that is 'definitely a trash' and move through the flat. The first place you clean is where the first bag goes to stand. Take another. Do another few metres square. Maybe another if you feel like it. Now you got a pathway buddy. Nice, easy pathway from one place to another. It will take a lot of bags, I won't lie. But it will feel damn good. You'll breathe better. You'll be so relieved, so much weight of your shoulders. Make pathways, and then start working on the islands between them. You'll be so proud of yourself when you see all the bags by the door ready to be taken out. That's few kilos of your worries gone. And it can take as little as hour. Put on some funky music. I'm talking J Lo - I Ain't Your Mama kinda funky. Dancey, silly. Some oldies from when life was easier. Just not slow. DON'T STOP UNTIL YOU'RE DONE WITH THIS PART WHATEVER HAPPENS. Take a break if you need to, but don't be tempted to take this part bit by bit for days. Keeping in your comfort zone got you here. Staying in your comfort zone will kill you

dishes and laundry. Whichever order you prefer. Put the dishes in the kitchen, and the laundry on a big pile. Start the first batch. We got a lot of stuff to do, and the rhythmic sounds of the washing machine are kinda funny. You can dance to it a little as you're cleaning. And a warm clean laundry in a nice pile is like a hug for the soul, much needed after a stressful time. Do the dishes. It will be daunting. But you'll have nice clean plates and will fill up the cabinets again. Swipe them off dust before. This may be one of the hardest parts, so get to it on the beginning. Even if you run out of energy after, you did the most difficult part. And if you don't manage, it is fine, because it is the most difficult part. You'll get there. One mug at a time, one plate at a time. You can use the first mug and spoon you clean to make yourself some nice cup of tea.

stand alone mess concentrations like fridge and oven can wait. We're doing the floors now. Pick up what's left after the trash and laundry round. Dust off the vacuum cleaner. Get in there all the way. You'll be so surprised how big and airy the whole place suddenly is. Personally, this was the most satisfying part.

After that, there will still be, other than the daunting fridges and ovens, microwaves and bathtubs of the world, a lot of stuff to do. But take a break. Take a lil walk through the flat. You did half the job and you can take the remainer bit by bit. You'll feel the motivation to do it right back after a rest. Get a glass of water. Go for a walk if you can. Dust off surfaces. Bathrooms can be awful, but the more satisfying to get done with. You can take a week to do it all, but once you do, trust me. You'll feel revived. You'll have a place you can relax in, without constantly feeling like a failure and pushing yourself deeper into a spiral with it.

IYou may not even feel much love for the present self chief. Maybe you hate that person, or who they were, whatever. It doesn't really matter what got you in a bad place. You're in one, and it fucking sucks, it hurts, it suffocates. You NEED a clean place to heal. You won't get better when everywhere you look, you see products of sadness. Out with that sht. You thought you'll rest for a while and stuff will get better. Buddy, I'm so sorry it didn't. It's fair you tried. Now, let's save you and try the other way. Do it for your future self. Let today be the day you decide to help yourself. Take a good look in the mirror. You are the brain - the rest is at your disposal. Say, "you belong to me and you'll do what I need now." Don't be afraid to get your hands messy. Ignore how bad it is along the way. Someone once said, *as ugly as it needs to be, to see the things you need to see

Good luck out there friend.

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Croatia brings no men in a hamster wheel to Rotterdam 2021

Now could this be the teddy bear uprising invasion Muse has warned us about 12 years ago?

And LITERALLY, these review series make me feel like Croatia is openly taunting me - I watch the days go, I’m losing track of time, and when another day comes, I’m screaming “oh no I forgot to publish a review sooner than wanted!!”. Guess I’m for one glad there’s a time related song this year, hum?

ARTIST & ENTRY INFO

Repping the Adriatic coast nation that got all the sea instead of Bosnia & Herzegovina is some 22 year old Albina Grčić, who first popped up on X Factor Adria back when that was a thing, and got lumped into a girlgroup in later stages, but to that she said “hvala ne” and moved on with her life, getting eliminated just like that. Queen <3 She did get her second chance to compete as a soloist and make a more prominent mark on her career when she ended up on The Voice in Croatia. She did well, placing third overall in the season, but somehow, during the duel stage, her coach initially favoured her fellow Dora 2021 contestant Filip Rudan:

Her Voice success landed her a record deal with the Croatian division of Universal Music, she released a debut single, sometime later ended up on Dora, and here she is now, on Eurovision.

“Tick-Tock” is the song, a standard upbeat pop song, and one of the ones that talks about a girl leaving a terrible relationship and being so well over it that she “found [her]self and [she’s] finally free”, and the “tick-tock” here is used to represent the time passing by, not the sound of her heart, unlike a fellow ESC entry of a similar title. The tune (or its lyrics only) is co-authored by some dude you might’ve heard of from France’s 2018 preselection Destination Eurovision, and that is Max Cinnamon - some half-English guy with a half English song about love (”Ailleurs”) that did moderately averagely in the final... I don’t even know if his influence shows, I just love how 2021 has sort of become revenge of the NF flops but they’re writing other entries instead (Suzi P, “Adrenalina”).

REVIEW

I often don’t really fully vibe with female bops in Eurovision as much as I want to, like, for the most part they’re overhyped, and I let the “yass queeeeen” audience gorge on the everything their favourite bops give them. But this year there are plenty of great ones to choose from, as I think that it’s safe to say that most, if not all, are tucked in somewhere inside my top 20, top 25 at the very minimum. Croatia managed to even do the impossible and land into my top 10.

Why?

Well, the answer is that the song is just so damn good.

I mean, what’s NOT to like about it? It’s a catchy and upbeat song that incorporates xylophones (or whatever is it that sounds like them), guitars and synths; has a good bassline in the chorus; and it’s just... a very good composition overall, like, all the instruments in it are just in their right place and uplift the song massively. I also like Albina’s performance on it, both live and studio, it clearly shows that she’s a very good singer (also shown on her cover of the scandalous Oscar award snubbery “Husavik”). Sounds like a song a common pop loving Eurofan could gear themselves towards. Besides, it also has possibly my favourite pre-chorus section of the 2021 year? Oh wait, there’s also Switzerland, scratch that. “Tick-Tock” has one of my favourite pre-chorus sections of 2021. It builds up so well instrumentally and the way Albina sings it is even better. I obviously like to believe Albina heard those voices from far away that helped her to escape, has found herself, and she’s finally free from her “partner’s” bad lovin’ and restraint. Yas queen go be free you didn’t deserve his tomfoolery anyway!  👏 (Also I admire a section that’s not quite the pre-chorus but is still before the 1st chorus, the one that goes “If you pull me down then I'll come around” - literally just a lot of the parts of the song are full of nice vocal performance and I don’t regret ranking this in my top 10 not a second.)

If it has any drawbacks, it’s just that it gets a tad too repetitive after the halfway mark... like, the pre-chorus before the second chorus is the one to be repeated once again, and no new verse, nothing - but it does launch itself into something extraordinary, and that is a chorus in Croatian, which I assume she would perform in Eurovision because there’s no Eurovision version on the song promo bundle, I suppose. Comparatively the Croatian chorus is not as complex in lyrics as the English language one, and flows slightly differently too. But the song still has a long chorus by the end, and song with too many choruses is never a good sign for those that look for a song that’s constructed well, but I guess it’s a good factor for those that value the song’s catchiness. I guess that’s what one of the two Eurovision 2005 hosts valued the most when writing the Ukrainian 2006 entry “Show Me Your Love”, which if you ask me, is straight up 75% chorus, lol.

So yeah my verdict is that almost everything about this song, I like. I’m just a little devastated that in a usually very easily gorged on category of female bops, this just tends to lag behind in love, like a fellow song I really like this year, Israel. Instead people tend to prioritize Cyprus (which I get because they’ve established themselves as a girlbanger nation since Fuego swept Eurovision) and... probably even Azerbaijan? (which I might also get because Eurovision rarely has this thing called an ethnobop anymore, and it has more ethno than “Cleopatra” did, but still unnecessarily underwhelming lol.) Well then, in a year of female bangers, I would just like Croatia to not be swept under the rug come semis I guess. Yeah “Tick-Tock” may not sound like it brings something totally never seen before in a Eurovision environment (foreign language lyrics, themes about a break up, hell even her dancers looked like they were wearing the same hats as Tamta’s dancers), but you got to have a lot in you to sell a worn out idea to the new heights, and Albina does exactly that in my eyes.

Approval factor: Yeah! There is a lot of it in here for me. Follow-up factor: A great follow-up, not so great in regards to panini but musically it’s just going up and up from what we had in the past few years. I’ve actually not minded “The Dream” for the most part but I knew it was a chanceless plodding ballad and Roko harboured heaps of wasted potential working with Jacques Houdek and having wings as part of his performance, uff. *_* And then there’s “Divlji vjetre” which I also like a lot - a much better male ballad winner choice! If the Dora re-up winners keep being decent imo just like this, I have a feeling I will follow it a lot more often than I did just this one time this year. I am just saying that panini-wise, it was a sucky move from HRT for not allowing their last year’s winner promote his new song with Tijana (from Serbia 2017) on the Dora night, so we sadly only heard a pre-recorded opening version of “Divlji vjetre” to start off with :( Otherwise I think it’s not Dora’s fault in itself that Damir himself chose not to even submit an entry this year because he hadn’t found a good one - much like with Diodato for Sanremo (he was NOT rejected, if you think he still was, shush). But aside that, musically, it just keeps going up for me. Well done Croatia, for you’ve used to be a Eurovision country I don’t necessarily care about, that you brought two pretty damn good entries in a row. Qualification factor: I can absolutely trust in Albina bringing in a little bit of her charisma and well-likedness, and on top of that, a great vocal performance, in Rotterdam. Don’t ask me why, I just do. She doesn’t really perform her song live on pre-parties as much as I’d like to hope she would, but you heard girlie on the national selection, she didn’t win for nothing. Yeah yeah there might as well be female uptempo songs hungrier for the last spot, but I’d like to think Albina is one of the ones ready to devour than to be devoured. Go girl! Take us all dancing!

NF CORNER

To be honest with you, “Tick-Tock” winning Dora caught me by surprise. Ever since its re-up, the last two editions were kind of won by male ballads, and maaaaybe the dancey females were doing moderately well enough for themselves, but not overall? But look, juries were very keen on Albina, probably because she can SANG and she creates one hell of a fancy presence on her performance. And somehow she ended up snatching a win out of the hands of 5G conspiracy theorist 2016 representative Nina Kraljić, who was at first too drunk to care, but too unexpectedly sober to yell all over the soc. media how she was robbed and how the contest was rigged against her with her being on first and all that. Which is a shame that she is one of THOSE people, because her NF entry “Rijeka” is kinda nice? We did have the Balkan-esque ballads coming from Croatia in recent memory, but we haven’t had a truly proudly folksy one at that from Croatia for a long while, if not ever. Nina could’ve very well brought that to Rotterdam (and another mismatched wardrobe choice oops). But instead she was the one screaming “oh no, oh no, oh no”.

Actually I regarded Nina as one of my faves pre-show, and Albina was on her way, though she didn’t really cement the personal fav status until after all performances, thus making Nina and Albina switch spots for me. But truly, the one song that was my top favourite, iiiiiiiiiiis

GIMME AN OCEAN! OF LOVE!

2021 made me realize that damn, maybe anything that’s funky is my favourite music genre afterall. Up until then I vibed with entries like “Tonight Again” and “What’s the Pressure?” that had this sort of energetic flair and very rhythmic kinda sound to it, but 2021 just simply cemented it to me that my music world has probably been about nice and smooth and funky all along. I owe so much gratitude to ToMa first and foremost along the lines of more to have come in this year’s lineups - I just can’t not want to dance to “Ocean of Love”, and ToMa is quite alright at selling it live as well. There are small gripes with some instrument usages but that doesn’t detract from the fact that I love love LOVE funky guitar tunes.

Aside from that, I can give shout outs to Beta Sudar, whose song not only was underrated, but also had an underrated meme format throughout its performance:

My other props go to Bernarda, who not only competed in a national selection singing a song about seeing “Colors” while blind (and ironically there was a song called “Blind” in that same NF sung by a well-seeing guy!!), but also for finally putting this every country’s reject to rest. Seriously. That particular song was passed on to everyone in need of a competitive Eurovision bop, from Poli Genova to Helena Paparizou as of recently. Oh well, at least the song died a honourable death - well performed slice of good typical Eurovision pop (maybe even overperformed a little towards the end), that got a good rank with the regional juries, but somewhat murdered in televote, fellow Boris Milanov composition “Chameleon” style.

This one Mia Negovetić chick was promising too! Her song was written by the Debs and you might be tired of them trying to continue infiltrating Eurovision at this point, but a lot of their Eurovision songs are usually something I enjoy, “She’s Like a Dream” is no exception. Nothing but 3 minutes of pastel-dressed Croatian Ariana Grande doing what she does best <3

Oh and also some dudes tried to play chess on stage too I guess. But their song is not worth looking into, because one of the acts on it is apparently also a conspiracist, and maybe because oft this their entry is aptly titled “Sing, for the freedom has arrived!” lol I wonder what exactly is the kind of freedom you’re thinking of my guy

Was this the “better mood game” Laura was warning everyone about? Beats me

NF CORNER (NON-COMPETITIVE)

• It’s still hilarious to me as to how one of the acts this year, Brigita Vuco, was planning to bring in backing dancers, only for them to show a fake COVID test or something and outright BARRED from coming with her on stage. <3 Whatever she intended to do with them dancers, I have absolutely no idea, but at least she committed to her song being about drunken nights visually by having all these blurry shots

• Nina Kraljić’s greenroom shenanigans, from the “1-2-3, 1-2-3, drink” to numb the sadness over some results (and the 8 she got from the region Rijeka for the song “Rijeka” lmao), to whatever she saw on the phone that made her smile or go neutral

• Greenroom reactions in general. I swear, this year had cameramen in every single corner everywhere just to make sure something covers up for a human audience instead of severals of Zoom screens permitted to act as an audience. Random people in greenrooms were doing some sort of emotions after random acts, and also randomly they ended up pointing a camera towards an act that lost, but the act didn’t treat losing as if it were such a big deal <3

• All the other memes the Croatian Twitter might’ve noticed me for:

seriously Bernarda was locked in a bluelight mathematical dice contraption. how fucking cool is that

ANY LAST WORDS?

I just fucking hope that Albina shatters any doubts that people have had about her song come rehearsals, and somehow Croatia AND Israel slip through, because never too many female bangers I appreciate in the final, if they all are the bangers I appreciate, lol.

[vinatintasupernovita]

Hey! I really loved your story where Pollution likes the reader and the reader thinks that Pollution likes someone else, thank you very much for writing that! ❤ Could you write one where Pollution needs to go to some sort of dance with someone they think they have a crush on, so they ask reader to teach them how to dance? But then Pollution realises that they like the reader as they're dancing? Sorry for this being so long, I really love your stories! Thank you for reading all this btw 😊❤❤❤❤

Yeah sure thing!

———

“Are you sure you want me to teach you how to dance, Chalks? Im not exactly the best teacher.” You asked as the two of you finished moving things out of your living room. You were gonna need all the space possible if you were going to teach Pollution how to dance.

“Yes, im sure, (Y/N).” They said, setting down the last chair in the kitchen before walking back over to you. “You’re the best dancer I know. Granted, I don’t know a lot of dancers-“

“Gee, thanks.”

“But I know you. And I need you.” They took your hands in theirs, causing you to blush lightly but thankfully it went unnoticed. “This is big. Like- bigger than big!” As they let go, you felt yourself wishing they had lingered longer. “The party is tomorrow, and I can’t make embarass myself infront of everyone in Hell- especially not Leviathan.”

Ah yes, Leviathan. Prince of Envy. Lord of Hell. Apple of Pollution’s eye.

You hated them, but they seemed to make Pollution happy so you swallowed your distaste. Not that they ever worked up the nerve to talk to them, of course, but the thought counted.

“I don’t know why you waited until the day before for our lessons, Chalky.” You sighed.

“I was very busy, thank you.”

“With what, an oil spill?”

“Yes, off the shore of Chicago. It was a big deal.” Their fondness for destruction and- well, pollution- always shined through. It was part of what you liked about them.

“Yeah, yeah. Less talky, more dancey.” You chuckled before setting on some music and presenting your hand, which they took. “Now, you’re gonna have to follow my lead. Think you can do it?”

“Positive.” They said as the two of you got incredibly close.

“Good, now it’s a simple waltz. Step, step, twirl.” You said as you showed led them to the music. It was really an easy dance, but you know what they say about supernatural beings- they just couldn’t dance. That was made very clear when Pollution stepped right on your foot. “Ow!”

“Sorry!” They apologized, getting off of it quickly. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, just try to be careful.” You said, helping them readjust. “You’re too stiff, slack your shoulders a little- and let your arms fall.” You smiled as they followed your advice. “There we go, see? Now you look more like a dancer and less like a soldier.”

“Ugh, I always hated the army. Theyre all way too much like Carmine.” They said.

“What? Spunky with red hair?”

“Loud and they drink too much.” You snorted. They smiled softly. You had a cute laugh, they had to admit.

“Well, be thankful you’re only in my dance boot camp.” You said as you let them spin out, coming back to you with a little more grace. “So.. You really excited about the dance? Finally gonna sweep Leviathan off their feet?”

“That’s the plan.” They nodded. “If I don’t screw it up.”

“Screw it up? Chalky, you’re the funniest, sweetest, most likeable person I know-“

“Yeesh, you need new friends if I’m the highlight, (Y/N). Don’t forget, I’m kind of an ancient agent of chaos set to destroy the world one day.” You rolled your eyes but with a smirk attached to it.

“Uh-huh, keep telling yourself that in the mirror every morning.” You retorted. “What I mean is anyone would be lucky to date you. And if Leviathan can’t see that- well, they’re not worth your time.” They blinked slightly, looking at you. Your face was tender, and your words spoke true. Even your eyes started to sparkle with a kind of sweetness that maybe they had just never seen before. Whatever it was- it made them feel warm inside.

“..Thanks, (Y/N.).” They smiled.

As the two of you twirled around in your tiny living room, Pollution thought about your words which clung to their mind so tightly that it made it hard to think of anything else. They were now much too aware of how close the two of you were, how warm your touch was, how nice your voice sounded when you told them how great they were doing. It was comforting, really. With how the two of you were moving in sync, it felt like they were on cloud nine.

With one last twirl, ending in a dip, they got the best view of you. The way your hair fell slightly over your face, with your bright smile radiant and white. Their heart couldve jumped out of their throat.

“You did great, Chalky.” You chuckled as you set them upright, now they felt the desire for your touch to linger. “I’m sure Leviathan will be very happy with your new skills.”

“Um.. about that.” They coughed. “Maybe.. Maybe I’m not ready for that. Maybe tomorrow we can just- have another lesson, just the two of us?” Your heart pittered against your chest. “I mean- Not like Leviathan would even be good at dancing. Demons aren’t known for their talented footwork. But you?” They said, smiling once more. “You I could dance with forever.”

The way your mind started to malfunction because you were unsure if that was a confession or not. It didn’t really matter, because you agreed to spend the next day dancing with them. And the next day, and the next. Until it became your own little thing, just the two of you.

After all, supernatural beings may not have been known for their dancing, but Pollution didn’t dance for anyone but you ever again. And you were more than ok with that.

[hoshigomi]

Valley of Xuanyao // RAY! (not a review.)

Some thoughts on Xuanyao/Genyou/Dazzling Valley/Mysterious Valley/whatever you want to call it + Ray!

(This isn’t a fully-formed, plot critical review by any stretch of the imagination, but I wanted a chance to say everything I loved about these pieces of theatre, as well as a few criticisms I have.) (These are all my opinions and I’m sure people would agree or disagree with plenty of them!) (It’s literally just a couple lists, read at your own discretion.)

There are MANY SPOILERS HERE so watch out.

First off: Genyou no Tani / Valley of Xuanyao / Chinese Aterui (I guess it’s not as much like Aterui as I initially assumed) / AVATAR (the blue people one) (but set in China) / not NOT Pocahantas ~

Call it what you want, I’ll admit right out of the gate that I didn’t follow the entirety of this show. It got a lot better on the second and third try, but the first go was a little rough. 

Official plot summary here. 

Things I LOVED:

This show is beautiful. The set is very Alphonse Mucha aesthetic in style, and it makes me very sad that exactly 0 pictures do it justice. Not only is the set STUNNING, but it’s INNOVATIVE as well, the way they used huge hilly mountainous set pieces to create, well, valleys (haha) and set the scene actually grabbed my attention SEVERAL times. There are also no pictures that do the palace set justice, but the grandeur of it took my breath away, as did the EASE with which the set took us between settings. Unfortunately the visual aesthetic of the show is like not something I’m skilled enough to describe in words, but my point here is that if you get the chance to see this show, it would be worth it for the visual feast alone. 

This show is beautiful (music edition). BOY! The music is HAUNTING and POWERFUL and simple and complex all at once. I have told several people that if either the opening or finale songs are put on that custom CD maker thing in the theatres I would literally buy a custom CD just to get my hands on these songs like a couple weeks before their official release. I got chills every time Shirotae Natsu opened the show (we could NOT ask for a better new fukukumichou), and without fail, at the (spoilers) mass exodus of the Wen people (hello, Coto Moses?) song. 

The show is beautiful (general stage edition): It’s SO DANCEY. IT IS SO EXPRESSIVE. Even though the vast majority of the cast is costumed… nearly identical to one another, watching a n y one of them is a treat different from any other. There is no shortage of opportunity for these women to emote physically, and not a single one of them holds back. There are also like a billion acrobatic tricks in this show for some reason. They don’t take you out of anything, it’s just all VERY PHYSICAL. The Wen men and women specifically use physicality HARD to express their… history, I guess? There are several scenes with a few singers and a few dancers working together to tell a story. They give me CHILLS. The women (led by Honoka) in the palace also serve to set the aesthetic world and honestly I don’t have anything smart to say about them but they blew me away. Aomi Sario does several cartwheels. Yuunagi Ryou jumps like five feet in the air and does a somersault. I don’t know why any of these women are airborne as much as they are but they sure are good at it. 

Other standout things I loved- there were a LOT more, but I need SOMEONE to talk about these people and moments, and I guess it’s my burden to bear. 

FOR SOME REASON OOKI MAKOTO TALKS LIKE A LOT. She may talk more than Amahana Ema, freshly-transferred Ayaki Hikari, or Kiwami Shin. I can’t stress enough how much there is NO REASON FOR THIS. She ALSO, in a TURN OF FATE, IS NOT PLAYING AN OLD MAN. She’s playing a young soldier (NO FACIAL HAIR!!!!!) who at one point is goofing around under a tree on the edge of a stage and does some incredible pantomime work getting a spider off of her. I’m a little in love with her. I could not be happier that they truly just let her GO OFF this show. If you have ever liked Ooki Makoto, you need to see this show. 

Ooki Makoto is always accompanied by Tenju Mitsuki who, as usual, is doing The Most for the Least Payoff because she like angered a God in her past life but not enough for the God to not give her the most beautiful face known to man. She doesn’t get to do much at all, unfortunately as USUAL, though her character very much has the vibe of her Kamatari character, and she does get to do a really fucking sick trick where she gets hit by an arrow and despite watching her through opera glasses three times in a row I have no idea how she does it. 

SEO YURIA REALLY STEPPED UP HER GAME? This was a good meaty role with a nice little bit of her Red Oni from Another World mixed in for like chaotic measure. She sounds vocally FANTASTIC and looks at times actually TRULY PHYSICALLY IMPOSING. I’ve always been theatrically on the fence about Seo, but it looks like she’s really finding where she fits onstage and her strengths and is working HARD. I’m really into it. 

Arisa Hitomi does beautiful work as the narrator of the whole piece, more or less, I just wish we could have seen more of her. That’s kinda how it’s gonna go from now on huh. Sigh.

Amato Kanon Amato Kanon Amato Kanon Amato Kanon Amato Kanon Amato Kanon . I will live and die in Hoshigumi, but if one day they move her to somewhere else to be top star, (after I mourn for a year and go through the five stages of grief), I will be right there by her side. Her character is spunky and fun and young and then gets tortured and killed (sorry, I said there were spoilers) in a way that I almost couldn’t WATCH. She’s an expert on throwing her (rapidly becoming lifeless) body around onstage in a way that really, really, really broke my heart. I winced. I’m sure I’m not the only one in the audience who would have put myself in her place to save her. 

It’s very cool when they use projections to enhance moments in this- like a sword striking a rock and the sparks that fly, or the mysterious man disappearing. Additionally, the SOUND DESIGN of this show was pretty flawless.

Current Kumichou and Soon-To-Be-Senka member Mari Yuzumi played, obviously, Coto’s mom, and the two of them share some really beautiful moments and part of a song- it was a fitting and sweet part to give her, and I’m so glad she got some real stage time here because lord am I gonna miss her. 

There’s a little drumline throughout some scenes of Wen people featuring (I THINK) Toudou Jun, Asamizu Ryou, Sayaka Rin, Sakuraba Mai, and POSSIBLY Kuresaki Rino. They don’t do anything to serve the plot, they just sometimes act as a transition in and out and winding through group scenes. It kicks ass. 

Though this show was by NO MEANS an “ensemble show” (it was obviously very heavily (and wonderfully!) pulled by Coto, and all the ensemble was…. To be honest, visually mostly indistinguishable from one another), it like… WAS an ensemble show. There are MANY scenes with the HUGE chunks of the troupe, whether it’s the soldiers doing some INCREDIBLE sword and spear work or the dancers as the Wen people telling stories through the sheer power of their NUMBERS, or the women in the palace with their ribbons and dance, the real power of this show is in the ensemble and what they give to the story. Personally, ensemble driven stories tick ALL my boxes, so even if the plot was a little rough for me, the sheer POWER of Hoshigumi really made this a show that I realize now, sitting at my desk in Tokyo, I wish I was seeing again like today. This show did a complete 180 for me, and I can not recommend it enough. It isn’t FUN, but I can’t find the words to express how MOVING and BEAUTIFUL it is. If you can’t see it in person, I guess I recommend buying the blu ray, renting out a movie theatre, and watching it on as big of a screen as you can possibly get.

RAY:

Ray was just OKAY to me, though I admit I DID love it a little more with each consecutive viewing. I wonder how I’ll feel about it at the end of the Tokyo run- it very well might grow on me and stick in my heart as a revue I really love, but for now I’m personally a bit lukewarm on this one. I’m gonna express my three gripes first, and then move on to the things I love. 

1.) God this revue really fucking abuses projections. Not only does it OPEN AND END with an unnecessary mini movie, and not only do they use the projections to transition us literally through the starry galaxy to the PANTHEON which they make with like Windows Screensaver level skill and then for some reason also show us on a real backdrop- if they had the REAL backdrop, why did they need to also show us a CGI version?, but they also straight up show us MOVIES while people are singing. As captivating as I find every single woman in Hoshigumi, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the acid trip that was the projections. They weren’t STILL EITHER. They were THIS distracting, down to the literal giant eye. I hated them so much. They didn’t make any visual sense, they didn’t enhance a thing, they really weren’t even vaguely thematically appropriate. I hope beyond hope that the venues they use for the tour just don’t have the tech power for this and the projections get cut. I didn’t like a SINGLE one of them. 

2.) I can’t really explain this one but something was… missing. The numbers weren’t…. varied , I guess? They were all the same like. Power level and mostly had the same amount of people onstage (a lot), and while there’s NOTHING I love more than a big group number, this one had… I guess maybe too many? Or maybe it wasn’t the amount that is the issue, maybe it’s just how they weren’t like tonally varied. The numbers were all GOOD, but the flow was weird? I don’t know. Something felt off. If anyone sees this and gets what I mean, please talk to me about it. 

3.) And this one is personal preference, but I thought the whole Ray theme was…. Much too heavy handed for an ohirome GT. To clarify, I think this would have been VERY suitable for a taidan revue, thematically, but I think it’s too early to be playing top star name games and adorning the whole stage with her name… repeatedly. I GET that it’s clever because like, ray of light, starlight, etc, but I didn’t like it. I wouldn’t have liked like, Dramatic ‘S’ as a first revue either, for example. This isn’t personal or about Coto, if they had made Kai top and called her first revue like ‘Seven Seas’ I also would have been like ….#yikes. I just wish they’d save this stuff for later in Coto’s run. 

That said, the good outweighed the bad! Some numbers of note (this is NOT all of them, just the ones that stuck with me) include: 

The opening, which was very fun! The set was cool, multi layered and opening with just Coto inside like a cut out diamond shape on a platform and made good use of a pretty bare stage to really give EVERYONE a moment. There were more featured faces in this number alone that I didn’t even RECOGNIZE than I can count- and that made me really happy to see! Special shoutout to Taiki Hayate and Ruri Hanaka for getting to stand on the edge of the stage and sing. I just think they’re neat. The opening was rock-y and sexy and mature and it was very fun to get to see so many people shine in it. 

This was followed by Seocchi in a number with again, a BEAUTIFUL set. Seriously, when they aren’t abusing the hell out of a projector, this revue IS VISUALLY STUNNING. It’s like set on Jupiter kind of, there’s a swirling galaxy all lit up behind the dancers (Seo, Amato Kanon, Minato Rihi- who has big Renta energy and always makes me happy to look at) Aomi Sario, Ruri Hanaka, notably.) This number has big Look At The Youth Of Tomorrow energy. Seo sounds INCREDIBLE, and everyone who is featured here makes my heart leap. This was definitely one of my favorite numbers. 

There was a tango that would have been 90x sexier if only it didn’t feature those stupid turbans on literally everyone. Mikkii gets to sing her bridge solo (thank God), and the energy is rowdy. Everyone is in white pants.

The chuuzume is nice. It starts what feels like oddly early, but probably isn’t. They abuse the projections during the start of this one, (Hanagata Hikaru) and then thankfully pull the screen up and get rid of them for a while. The chuuzume is neat in that it also features a lot of little groups of siennes, from the young ones (who even get to SING small solos and things) (and I mean SMALL ones)- Amato Kanon has a solo at a point (and is CENTER ON THE BRIDGE for the kyakuseki part of the chuuzume), Aomi Sario and (iirc) Yuuhi Maki get a small duet, little groups are coming on and off constantly. It’s fun. They put the otokoyaku on the bridge and they do some sharp dancing and some kinda… seductive, to me, stuff. Most everyone is in red. The aesthetic of this chuuzume is GOOD.

THIS ROCKETTE MIGHT BE MY FAVORITE ROCKETTE EVER.

Aesthetically it is flawless, and it’s led by three girls including RURI HANAKA who gets a CENTER OF THE BRIDGE SOLO. These costumes are BEYOND adorable as well! Look at them! This rockette really shows off how skilled some of these girls are. They also do a lineup that goes as usual from shortest to tallest to shortest again, except they break this up by putting the three leads in the MIDDLE, which really means its like, short to tallest to SHORTEST to tallest to short again and believe me when I say it is COMICAL. There’s a solid foot difference between some of these women. 

The Olympics number which immediately follows the rockette is lovely, it features a biiiiiig group of the cast and then Mizuno Yuri, Otosaki Itsuki, Sazanami Reira, Aomi Sario, and Amato Kanon as the colors of the Olympic rings. Musically this one didn’t stick that hard with me, but it’s a visual treat, and everyone’s dance proficiency is on full display. Plus if you look at the back of the stage you’ll see Yuunagi Ryou and Hiroka Yuu doing like a dance battle and pulling and pushing each other around which is extremely relevant to my interests. 

From here it got really lovely for me personally. Amahana Ema and Kiwami Shin led Swingin’ On A Star on the bridge (and both of them sound lovely and sweet), and then theres a couple dance featuring about 10 or so people including  Toudou Jun and again Yuunagi Ryou (this is the only place in the revue I didn’t have trouble spotting her unfortunately, and I’m GOOD at finding her), going on while Maisora finishes up the number. It’s sweet and it’s sugary and it’s a piece of like small lightness after all the very Heavy and Full group numbers before. 

The kuroenbi is pretty good, it felt somehow… unfinished? But immediately after that is Coto jumping into You Are My Sunshine which I personally find to be the most charming thing in the world. It includes solos for Seo, Hanagata Hikaru, Aichan, and a LOT of attention on Hoshigumi’s musumeyaku who get to ALL line up on the bridge together and sing. It’s a treat. It made my heart happy and made me grin really big. 

Other shoutouts go to 

Sazanami Reira and her wild hair flips

Akachan who for some reason sounds vocally like she’s underwater, which was hard for me to place until recently 

Maisora and Coto who really DO work together well as a combi though these two shows didn’t give them much chance to see that (please watch Mozart once it’s out on DVD to see what these two can DO together)

Mari Yuzumi for still killing it with everyone else in every number despite the fact that she’s so up there that they’re moving her to senka after this- boy I am gonna MISS her

Amato Kanon for holding my future in her, soft, capable hands.

Minato Rihi for smiling like Renta

The upperclassmen for not letting being completely sidelined ruin their attitude and for still giving their all to everything and pulling my attention with their YEARS of expertise

Kisa Kaoru, Soua Takeru, Houma Toa, Hiroki Yuzuha, and Kuresaki Rino just because they make me smile.

Sakuraba Mai and Haruto Yuuho who should actually be a top combi together. 

Seo Yuria for really just like stepping it up all around and drawing my attention and taking up SPACE.

Ruri Hanaka because holy shit, girl….

All in all, this was a good pair. Not every revue works for everyone, and maybe this one just didn’t grab my heart the way I wished it did. It was still fun, and it definitely had enough numbers that I loved for me to want to go back multiple times, and whatever Ray lacked, Valley picked up for me. It’s a good set of shows, and everyone does really lovely work. I can’t wait to see where Coto and Maisora’s Hoshigumi goes!

[grimelords]

Finished writing my January playlist up a couple weeks ago and forgot to post it. Sometimes things are like that I suppose. A pretty good mix of all the songs I was very into two months ago.

Terrapin Station (Suite) - Grizzly Bear & The National: It's shocking to think that a 5 hour long Grateful Dead tribute album changed my life but it really did. It's so good all the way through which is a feat in itself and it's a great introduction to every side of a band that can sometimes feel culturally overwhelming to try to get into. This song is a highlight, veering over every kind of territory for 16 minutes but always maintaining the sort of precision of purpose I associate with Grizzly Bear.

New Year - Beach House: January baby! I've got tickets to see Beach House later this month and I'm excited because they really surprised me as an incredible live band last time I saw them, building their songs with a lot more dynamism than the sort of drum machine play alongs their albums are (which I love!!).

BAGDAD - Cap.7: Liturgia - Rosalia: I'm still working my way into fully appreciating how good this Rosalia album is. The Justin Timberlake melody is so beautifully repurposed and I absolutely love the church choir behind the 'junta las palmas y las separa' part. It's just a heartbreaking and beautiful song even if I did have to google translate it.

Signs Of Life - Arcade Fire: I've been thinking a bit about Everything Now and how it was received and weirdly it seems to have a lot of parallels with the Achtung Baby/Zooropa/Pop era of U2, 20 years before it. Well established megastar bands who turned from their extremely heartfelt authentic origins and explored the world of pop and commercialism with varying critical success. Everything Now doesn't feel old fashioned but it's kind of weird they're playing with a lot of the same ideas U2 were in their Pop-Mart era so long ago. Anyway this is one of their best songs ever I think. The disco instrumentation versus the paranoid lyrics is just great, the backing vocals especially.

Discotheque - U2: The vocals in this song are so interesting. There are at times upwards of three Bonos harmonising with each other. It creates an unsettling image of a world overrun with Bonos. I do however love the extremely strangled guitar sound in the breakdown. I sort of wish this song were longer, long as it is, because it really starts to build into something serious by the end but then it just fades out disappointingly.

Violent Shiver - Benjamin Booker: I love Benjamin Booker but he needs to take a lesson from this song and do some hot licks again. He doesn't do hot licks like this in barely any other songs! Benjamin Booker sounds like he's from an alternate timeline where rock n roll stayed black and this is where it's at now.

Dawn Of The Dead - Does It Offend You, Yeah?: Can you imagine naming your band 'Does It Offend You, Yeah?' in 2019? What a time to be alive 2008 was. I absolutely love the steel drums in the prechorus and the bass and 'ooh ah' in the chorus. The production is just so chunky throughout. This whole song is thick.

Golden Skans - Klaxons: Anyway speaking of the heady days of English 'new rave' Golden Skans is a masterpiece. It's also masterfully compact, it's over in 2 and a half minutes. Amazing.

Go Bang - Pnau: I really applaud Pnau for having the audacity to release Chameleon and Go Bang on the same album right after each other when they're essentially the same song. Close enough to be the same song but different enough that you're still completely hyped when either of them come on.

Say You See Why So - Eleventh He Reaches London: I found this extremely serious Perth screamo band a little while ago they're so good i'm surprised I'd never heard of them before. I love the style of just endless new sections on new sections with barely any repetition, it makes you feel crazy which is perfect for this music.

Why Write A Letter That You'll Never Send - The Drones: I don't really know what to say about this song other than imagine literally getting this email verbatim lol.

Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me - U2: Fully fucked up that one of the best U2 songs only got released on the Batman Forever soundtrack.

Dead Of Night - Orville Peck: I'm so glad Lana Del Rey has been around long enough now that she's inspired a second wave. I absolutely love the whole concept Orville Peck has going, masked gay cowboy is a criminally underexplored genre.

Trip The Mains - Methyl Ethyl: I can't believe Methyl Ethyl are onto their third album already. I love how dancey this is compared to their other stuff, and his voice is still completely blowing my mind.

Strange Days (1999) - Health: I've had the cover for this single as my lock screen for two months now. It's simply very good and such a direct distillation of Health's essence. They've simplified and moved closer to pop ideas on this album and I'm all for it, they sound like Purity Ring if Purity Ring exploded occasionally which sounds very good to me.

Milk Crisis - The Go! Team: I'm racist because I thought for a long time that this song was gibberish but it turns out it's actually just in Japanese.

Cream On Chrome - Ratatat: It's fucking sick that Ratatat have been able to not only survive but thrive for so long making music that sounds like the loading screen of a Dreamcast racing game.

Will The Circle Be Unbroken - The Staple Singers: This is maybe my favourite example of 60s stereo recordings making completely bizarre decisions. The drums and bass in this are panned extremely far left and the guitar far right, which has the nice effect of letting you take out your left headphone and listen to a very beautiful stripped back guitar and vocals only version.

Angel From Montgomery - John Prine: I'm seeing John Prine next week and I'm very excited. He's approximately one million years old and seems to only now be getting the recognition he's deserved for decades.

(My Friends Are Gonna Be) Strangers - Merle Haggard: It's interesting thinking about the parts of American culture that don't really get exported to Australia. We got Johnny Cash and Hank Williams to a lesser extent but I hadn't really heard of Merle Haggard before this year which seems insane now that I've realised just how massive he was.

Debbie - Architecture In Helsinki: I have so much love for this vocal performance. Sitting in a weird half falsetto out of breath and just shrieking your way through it, mwah mwah I'm doing a chef's kiss right now.

Yandere - Yamantaka / / Sonic Titan: It's reassuring that the enthusiastic art nerd mindset of bands like The Red Paintings and The Sound Of Animals Fighting will never truly die. There should be more bands where they all have costumes and multi-movement songs songs telling an inscrutable story and a guy in the band whose whole job is just doing the lights.

Sweetness And Light (For Life Remix) - Itch-E & Scratch-E: My lifelong grudge against Paul Mac for enabling The Dissociatives and various other crimes will always be slightly tempered by how much this one song bangs.

Ontheway! - Earl Sweatshirt: I am such a big fan of this album. All the way through it feels like laying on the floor feels and it's addictive because of it. Every time I listen to it I just want to start it over again and lay the fuck down.

Mistake - Middle Kids: This song made me feel like a record producer in a movie or something when I first heard it because I got about one bar into the chorus and was absolutely smitten. It's just incredible.

Pressure To Party - Julia Jacklin: "I know where you live, I used to live there too" is maybe one of the best ever breakup album lines I've ever heard.

Our Shadows - Deantoni Parks: Deantoni Parks has a huge brain. The thing he does, where he sort of plays live mpc as part of a drumkit could be extremely naff and I'm sure there's a million guys on youtube doing it and making bad music, but he ain't one of them.. His take on it is so completely alien that the human element serves to bring it back to earth, all the disconnect that you would get from someone making a song like this on a laptop is metered out by a physical human body feeling every sound out personally and it's amazing.

Head To Toe In Morocco Leather - Muslimgauze: What's the word for being a weaboo except about the middle east and getting totally radicalised about it but never leaving England? Anyway Muslimgauze rocks and every six months or so I reread his wiki article and listen to his music exclusively for a couple of days before whatever that feeling is wears off again. I have a lot of respect for him but also suspect he may have just been a nut, which I respect as well.

In The Nervous Light Of Sunday - Circle Takes The Square: Very excited that Circle Takes The Square is on spotify now!!!

I'm In It - Kanye West: I heard that when they were recording this there was steam coming out of the horny meter that they have in the studio and then the glass broke on the horny meter and the needle started spinning around and around because the horny levels were so high.

Do Me A Favour - Arctic Monkeys: Alex Turner has two songwriting modes: incredibly tangible story songs and songs where he's just playing word association rhyming games and the craziest thing is both types are good. This is absolutely one of his best of the first kind I think​.

listen here