#i may be becoming a podcast girlie

[greeneyesfriedrice]

does anyone have any good psychology related podcasts (on spotify) they recommend 🙏

[sk-lumen]

High Value Woman Formula: The 4 Key Pillars

Are you passionate about leveling up, but find yourself daunted by the overwhelming list on how to become a high value woman?

Don’t fret, you’re probably not the only one! It may sound complicated at first glance, but when you truly understand what it’s about, the high value woman formula is… quite simple.

In this article, I will show you an easy and concise roadmap to becoming the woman of your own dreams.

Let’s get started.

Pillar #1: Body

Much like Maslow’s pyramid, in order to have a mind that is clear, a heart that is at peace, and a soul that is fulfilled, you need to first attend to your basic physical needs (and not only).

Getting enough hours of sleep

A healthy diet

Fitness & exercise

Haircare

Nails

Skin

Dental health

Make-up

Pillar #2: Mind

Next ingredient in the high value woman formula is polishing your mind.

Upgrading your looks and physical health is great, but if you don’t follow it up with a mindset glow up, you’ll find yourself repeating the same mistakes, and bumping into the same limiting beliefs and bad habits.

Planning goals and keeping track of them

Improving your mindset / develop a growth mindset

Confidence

Embrace failure

Reading extensively to broaden your mind and your education (includes financial education)

Courses, trainings and masterclasses

Listening to podcasts

Watching TedTalks or insightful documentaries (if you’re curious about my recs for TedTalks/documentaries, let me know in comments below)

Pillar #3: Heart

So you’ve leveled up your appearance, improved your mind, now what? Now it’s all about your heart and your emotions. Think about all the things that nurture your emotional dimension and makes you feel appreciated, seen and heard!

Building a support system (friends, family, therapy)

Therapy

Healing your attachment style

Journaling

Self Love

Setting boundaries

Being your authentic self

Speaking your truth

Embracing your journey

Feeling & processing your emotions

Pillar #4: Soul

Last but not least, I’m a spiritual woman, and these are my personal beliefs which some may or may not resonate with. If that’s the case and you’re happy with just the 3 first pillars, that’s perfectly valid and you can skip this section.

But I do believe you have to take care of your soul. You can have the looks, the money and your self-concept in line, but you might still feel empty, unfulfilled, like something is missing from your life… if you ignore the spiritual aspect.

For the girlies that need a deeper connection to the divine, to God, the universe, here are a few action steps.

Joining a community that resonates with you

Prayer

Yoga

Meditation

Various spiritual practices that align with your beliefs

Detoxing from social media, toxic people or environments

Conclusion

What do you think about this list, did you find it helpful? Are there any essentials you’d add to the list? Let me know in the comments below.

This is a topic I believe many women (and not only) would benefit from, and I’m passionate about helping my readers become their best selves.

So, I’m currently working on an in-depth guide that expands on this topic/article, complete with practical steps you can implement in your daily life, in order to become a High Value Woman.

💖 If you want to be the first to hear about the HVW ebook's launch make sure to join my Soultribe! 💖

🎀 More glow up articles and guides on sklumen.com 🎀

[smokszyvverstar]

I dont care if nobody cares, i need to ralk about my girlies (and Luca)

Left is Luca, Middle is Esmé, Right is Marina

Two young pokemon living in the big city of Castelia, when a freshly fired Esmé finds an unconscious amnesiac Luxio.

In a desperate attempt to find out more about Luca's past, and to earn some money, the three of them follow Marina's childhood dreams of becoming a rescue team.

Marina (left) and Esmé (right) have been friends since they were little pups. They moved together to the big city from a small town in search of opportunities. Marina is a passionate young woman who is driven by her curiosity for the history that has been lost. Esmé, however, just wants to make it to the weekend.

-☕️🔮Esmé🔮☕️-

Esmé is a sassy, tired, sarcastic young woman. Her sense of humour is made entirely of rude remarks, but under all that is a loyal, kind soul that just wants to be understood for who she is.

She is a barista at a popular café chain. She hates it. But it pays the bills, and that's what matters. Until she loses the job that is

She is half Kalosan on her maman's side. You know something is bad when she starts swearing in her mother's tongue. Her dad is an Audino nurse. She inherited his heal pulse but not his stable career. Part of her fears he is dissapointed at this.

The Pokénerds among you will notice that Esmé has the male Meowstic fur colours. That's because she's trans

Before her egg cracked, she and Marina were childhood sweethearts. Even though they are exes, (and Esmé still has some feeling for Marina,) they are still extremely close friends

Esmé is sapphic, but she hasn't found love like Marina's yet. She's just happy her 'Rina is still in her life.

-📚🌊Marina🌊📚-

Although she is quiet when you first meet her, when she comes out of her shell, she is spunky and passionate. Her love of ancient history is what keeps her going.

She is a researcher in the Abyssal Ruins, working for and mentored by a Relicanth called Solomon. She loves her job

Esmé gave her her purple hair tie when they were just pups. Marina broke up with Esmé after she found that she couldn't think of her as her "girlfriend" and in the choice between "boyfriend" and "friend" she chose the latter. She still feels guilty about it. She wishes she wasnt straight.

Her sense of humour consists of wordplay and puns. And while she often scolds Esmé for her ruder remarks, shed be lying if she said Esmé isn't hilarious.

She loves going on long walks and jogs while listening to podcasts or video essays. The perks of being a modern PMD AU i suppose

-❔️Luca❔️-

He doesn't remember who or what he is

He was found unconcious by Esmé, and the girls took him in.

He is scared of water and confrontation, and he has a strong sense of justice. Perhaps these may be from his previous life?

He is quiet, often standing by the sidelines, taking everything in. He is more passive in his curiosity than Marina, but still enjoys learning new things.

He doesn't joke often, but when he does, they're quite funny. When asked if he heard the joke from somewhere, he forgets what he said entirely.

Mostly, his acrive recall is lost. He cant remember on command, but he sometimes says something and doesn't know why or what it means, that is if he remembers what he said at all.

[villainessguide]

Episode 1: Definitions,

Here are all the words and phrases we were talking about in the first episode of our podcast part 1:

Isekai (Japanese: 異世界 transl. 'different world', 'another world', or 'other world') is a subgenre of portal fantasy. [as stated by wikipedia]

we would say isekai has characters that go from the "real" world into another world (either through death, magic, or some secret 3rd option) with popular choices going into a video game (such as otome games), novels, or television shows. They become part of the story and assume some role. They become either the main character, a side character, canon fodder, or the villain. (we particularly like the villainess archetype lol)

one popular way of death is truck-kun. He so graciously escorts us to another world, much like regina george.

(like nobody is safe from this metal monster)

so there are a few different ways to become a story character in isekai stories, some are reincarnators, where they are born as the character in their second life, and tend to live a long time as that character till events of the system story happens. An example of this is I'm the Villainess, So I'm Taming the Final Boss (悪役令嬢なのでラスボスを飼ってみました, Akuyaku Reijō Nanode Rasubosu o Katte Mimashita) by Sarasa Nagase.

(which is super cute and we recommend! there is even an anime!)

Aileen, who was sickly in her first life spent most of her time in the hospital playing an otome game (valid), finds herself reincarnated into the villainess who dies in the game. So she sets about to stop herself from biting the big one by trying to befriend the final boss that kills her.

then we have regressors, who are souls that turn back time to the past (may or may not have possessed their body in the past). Regression doesn't necessarily mean that it is an isekai story. An isekai means a person going from one world to another. A regression isekai for example, is if someone possesses a body of a character that goes back in time to the past, usually because they met a bad end in their life.

An example is The Villainess is a Marionette (악녀는 마리오네트) by Yi-Rim Han, a korean novel and webtoon. It follows a girl named Kayena, who died once then was reincarnated as a korean woman, then dies again and is reborn once again as Kayena. Girly is like third time's the charm let's goooo

(still need to finish this lol, I like it so far but that was a while ago)

last major type is transmigration. This is when you wake up as the character, right when all the action is about to start in the story. You are just plopped right into the action and life says good luck godspeed. An example of this is The Perks of Being a Villainess (Official English Title). Which has a weird title situation where there are like two other English titles, Isn't Being a Wicked Woman Much Better? (Alternative English Title) and What's Wrong With Being the Villainess? (Alternative English Title)악녀라서 편하고 좋은데요? (Korean Title) by Mango Kim, Mindo.

(I'm half way through and I love it, MC wants to basically become the richest person alive and makes fantasy starbucks, and the ML is a simp with secrets LOL)

Dohee lived as a pushover, died miserably, and was transmigrated into a novel as a notorious villainess. As Deborah Seymour, she is also the richest villain alive. Now, all that's left for her to do is lay low and enjoy her carefree lifestyle... if not for the fact that Deborah is fated to be sent to a monastery!

that's an intro into isekai that we touch upon in our first episode!

{part 2 coming soon}

[the-trans-folk-witch]

An untimely intro: Numb and hollow

Howdy folks!👋

This “blog” or cringey tumblr page is a battle cry at best- maybe a cry for help at worst. A plague of words ensues…

Grammar, punctuation and clever wording misses me despite being educated on writing formal statements/grants at a postgraduate level 🤡. Enjoy the occasional plot twist, gobsmack, misplaced comma, and tone-deaf emoji use. This “blog” is a mix of occult texts, free books, zines, and works made by me and others. It is a crossroads of formalities and comedic slander. And the occasional look into my thoughts.

I’m sure anyone reading this already knows me from Instagram and my now late podcast of the same name as this blog. So I won’t waste your time reintroducing myself and my goals. You know my brand, and roughly, my views despite how they may have changed since we last spoke. My goal here is to write more and slowly ease into the release of my first book and my second zine. I want to relive my edgy tumblr days with a more anarchistic approach than before. I invite you to join me. maybe this will help me learn how to avoid run-on sentences… or what fonts the public will judge me for using. (Comic sans girlies rise up). Perhaps I’ll learn to use parentheses and dashes correctly for once. Time will tell.

Now that I’ve fed you an over-cooked appetizer, let’s move on to the meat of the discussion. This is an update on my writings of the Guardian Angel and the other texts I have been forming. It has been a year in the making and hopefully I will be done with it this summer. It will not be long. It is a free book styled to appear as a cheesy church pamphlet. It is UPG laced with the some dogma from the Catholic church and the occasional hint of Protestant revivalist churches from the hills. I plan to reinvigorate the use or relation to the Holy Guardian Angel (HGA) in a roundabout way that incapsulates my own practice while leaving room for yours. I want it to be used as a guide, But not as a Bible. Hopefully it will come across as well as I intend for it to. It has been harder than I imagined.

Now for the long term plans for this blog. As of now, my podcast is on hold. So consider this it’s child despite the difference between my written voice and my informal speaking voice. The podcast is canned. Possibly forever. I may come back to it. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe years from now. I’m sure you all caught onto that. I have removed most every episode. The only ones available are ones that I had friends guest star in. Thank you to all of you who helped me become who I am today in this community. Even though as of now my following is only 500-600 people, it’s bigger than I’ve ever been anywhere before. I’m rather private. In fact that’s why I’ve removed most of my podcast. As many have been told, I have been receiving a lot of hateful messages from terfs and neo-pagans. Topics such as transphobia and anti-folk-catholic shit has taken over my inbox on many platforms. However, this is not the only reason I’m stepping back from my podcast. I recently graduated from school and I am working on my career. I have decided to make myself less accessible to the public for my mental health but also to focus on privatizing my practice. I want to revolutionize my followers and to have proper discussions surrounding witchcraft that make people uncomfortable. I want an interaction that my podcast could not allow. I want to write in lengths and words that Instagram does not allow. I feel as though I’ve lost my voice since my early college days when I wrote daily. I hope to strengthen my bonds with those I’ve met online while closing myself off to those who I do not trust. Making a public blog is not the way to go about that I’m aware. But who uses tumblr? 😂. This is a starting place. I may one day put a price tag on my writing. Definitely for my other books and zines I have been working on this past year. But until then, enjoy my ramblings.

Dialogue is always welcome. Oh, and don’t make a fumblr account just for me. My blog is accessible on a browser without a log in. I’m not chasing likes. I’m just typing into the void.

The trans folk witch, out ✌️ 💋. My Links

[iceysthoughtsnooneaskedfor]

Influencers Indulging: How Has This Affected Gen Z’s Perspective On Success?

In a world where the internet has become more than just a means of communication, one can argue that “everyone” is blowing up online overnight because of some sort of content they have posted. Now if we do think about it; yes, we have managed to make anything and almost everything receive attention from millions of netizens all around the world — at times, even making it to the national television and not just the TikToks on your friend’s fyp. 

This has surely given rise to “influencers” — a new profession falling in the wide spectrum of celebrities and ordinary chronically online users. But just as annoying as we find these content creators, you have to admit they do make thousands of dollars every week while the working class struggles with the economic crisis in today’s world. What makes this profession a lot more advantageous than just getting paid a lot, is the fact that you do not require spending a crazy amount of money on education to call yourself qualified for this field. All you have to do is ask for clout and have a million advertisements in your videos to the point where we see more endorsed paid promotions over authentic and trustworthy reviews of products. 

With benefits like this, the idea of becoming an influencer is inhabiting the minds of many young adults and teenagers. Through posting GRWMs and mini clothing hauls, thousands of girls are not only receiving views but also PR packages and brand deals and still are getting canceled for being bullies or expressing hatred towards any minorities. Similarly, though many Facebook Grannies may comment that this is only influencing the girlies, a huge percentage of young men are investing in side hustles to start the “grind” before they even turn 20 — which is becoming millionaires and owning an unhealthy amount of supercars. This type of “motivational content” is of course made by teenage boys addressing themselves online as hustlers who have escaped the Matrix and have become successful — which, if you haven’t guessed yet, is due to the excessive red pill content that has been exposed to the male audience in most social platforms, in the form of fitness instructors (who have modified their bodies in ways that aren’t naturally possible) and misogynistic podcast hosts who attract clout by defaming women. 

Now if we do put aside the root of the sudden will to become successful online, how many young content creators who are new in the creators’ market, will become successful? How many of them will make money by posting Tiktoks on high school drama and edits of supercars to Phunk songs? As of 2024, I think we are way past the hype of foamed coffee and dancing videos, right? If we are talking about the times in 2022 when there were a few renowned influencers, or perhaps maybe way back in 2014 when only a handful of Vine creators and Youtubers made rememberable history, yes, surely these people earned millions of dollars and are still famous because netizens didn’t have any other creators who did “EMOTIONAL SCARY PRANK WHICH MADE MY FRIEND CRY” or “HOW MANY MENTOS CAN BE DISSOLVED IN THIS POOL OF COLA UNTIL IT EXPLODES?” But if we are talking about today’s times where everyone and their granny has tried these trends years back and now, everyone can be an influencer if they are pretty or have products from Sephora or premium membership to some editing apps, how many people would be famous enough to say “oh you know what? I made an amazing decision by dropping out of high school!” 

Though it may not seem like it, the majority of high school and college students are contemplating their degrees and are choosing to drop out of school to make some “real money” where “work smarter, not harder” is the motto. However, if we are looking into reality, how many people are making money when social media platforms choose to pay less than $10 if only the views in videos reach 100k? Out of the millions of youngsters who are choosing to post content full-time instead of studying, how many are making thousands of dollars as they imagined? How many of their ideas are unique when everyone’s following the same trend? To stand out and be successful by not being a student like the majority of the population, why are they copying and pasting what millions of other people are doing online? 

The problem with our society is that we tend to find things annoying and then, proceed to notice it so much so that it gains a lot of importance in our minds — we become or at least, try to become what we hate or used to hate. As these influencers go from sharing their relatable everyday experiences to having private chefs and private jets, we netizens are forced to wonder as to why we aren’t in that position too. We are forced to be insecure about everything that we own — from the skin that covers our body to the house we live in or the clothes we wear. Consumerism feeds on us and yet, we think we are controlling it by commenting “I could never own so many products and not use them” when actually right after that, we order products and try them and then leave them hanging around somewhere. Then one boring day, we decide we want to be influencers ourselves and try and make content and leave everything else in hopes we will become successful enough to attend events like the Cannes or the Grammys — when in reality, we will just have to go broke and then find ourselves wanting professions for which we chose to not have qualifications and working jobs we have to make the best out of with our limited knowledge. At the end of the day, we find ourselves questioning what actually is success in our eyes. With everything on the internet telling us that life is practically just existing and working after we turn 25, many of us can think that success is doing something out of the box and being happy with what we do — but is becoming an internet persona or starting businesses whilst being teens, really something that will make us financially stable well into our 30s when these platforms may no longer be as popular as they are today? Where’s the guarantee that we truly will be successful by staying true to ourselves? Where’s the self assurance that we won’t change our personalities and forget our struggles when handed a bundle of green paper and later, not get cancelled for it? Is this truly success?

— isislee | 12th July 2024 | 4:20 PM

[ghoulsister1]

☆•☆Dante With Punk!Reader Headcanon☆•☆

Requested by @bucketinyourwalls

Who says punk is dead?

When Dante met you, he could tell right away you were a firecracker. Lit the fuse, step back and watch the sparks fly! And sparks flew between you two that's for sure!

You were a punk too. Dante could tell by your dress code. Anarchy symbols, spikes, punk rock band t shirts, doc martins, denim jacket and various accessories adorned your figure. Your hair had shaved sides but not shaved as in completely, with a big strip of hair like a mohawk in the middle. The hair got spiky when you gelled it up some days.

You had a mouth and could fire back just as good. Your humour was kinda dark at times but not deep dark or too dark. Dark enough that it was funny. Some would say you had a few screws loose and you'd agree with them on that!

But what some people didn't know was that you were always a kindhearted and caring person. You stood up for people who weren't able to fight back and you weren't afraid of a scrap or two.

And another thing they didn't know, was that you were a Devil Hunter. But Dante knew a hunter when he saw one. And he was impressed.

Your signature weapon of choice was a large steel blade that you'd attach to your arm. You also had a specially customised pump action shotgun that Dante couldn't help admiring.

"Nice gun you got there!" Remarked Dante, impressed. You smirked proudly.

"Had it made by Nico" You Said and Dante chuckled. He could definitely tell it was Nico's handiwork alright. That girl could whip up anything and it would slaughter demons effectively and with style!

You moved in with Dante at his place, becoming his partner and you two would take on jobs together, hacking and slashing up demons and devils with sick moves and all the while, having some laughs and jokes along the way.

There was injuries. Comes with the job naturally. Understandable. Dante had no problem, being half Devil came with a great healing system. You being human was different but somehow you could keep up with Dante. Though at times when you got injured a little too much, Dante saw you had a stubborn streak, like him almost.

"Y/N, just rest up and heal. Me and Vergil will take care of the demon until you're back on your feet okay?" Assured Dante as he patched you up. You shook your head.

"No! Come on Dante, I can take this demon on! Let me atta 'em!" You Protested. Dante sighed.

"Just relax for now. I need you alive to fight demons okay? Please?" Pleaded Dante. He admired and appreciated you, he'd be heartbroken if you lost your life because of being stubborn.

Of course, when your scruffy half Devil is pulling the best puppy eyes, how could you refuse him?

"Okay Dante. I'll rest up, just promise me you'll be alright" You Smiled softly. Dante chuckled and pressed a kiss to your head.

"I promise" Dante Promised with a smile, making you smile.

On days you two had no jobs, you two would chill out. Ordering up some pizza and soda, blasting up some heavy rock and punk music on the jukebox, playing snooker and doing bets with each other.

"If I win, I get the last slice of pizza and you have to clean the place up!" Teased Dante lining up the cue stick. You giggled.

"Alright, if I win I get the last slice of pizza and YOU have to pay the electric bill!" You Teased and you both laughed.

Sometimes Dante would win, other times you'd win and there was times you both tied.

Whenever the electric was cut, you'd two huddled up on the couch in blankets and with lanterns, telling each other stories and if your phone was charged up, you'd listen to podcasts or music, just snuggling away as your half Devil purred away. You didn't have to worry about being cold, Dante was practically a hot water bottle!

And whenever Morrison would restore the power, you two would celebrate by watching your favourite TV shows or rocking out together with jukebox on full blast.

Patty would sometimes visit Devil May Cry. She'd take you out shopping for pink and more girly clothes. You didn't mind her style and didn't mind trying some on, but you ultimately wouldn't wear the clothing. You did wear a cute bracelet that you did find charming though, but that was it really.

You'd train with Dante, having sparring matches and practicing your skills with your shotgun and blade. You'd also train with Trish and Lady at times two, you becoming close to the two hunters and admiring their skills and power.

You also tried sparring with Vergil at times. Though you had to persuade him at times. One time you took the Yamato and he was pissed.

"Give me back my sword!" Demanded Vergil angrily. You stood, holding the sword tightly.

"Spar with me then" You Replied, smirking.

"Insolent brat. You either give me the sword or I'll take it back by force" Warned Vergil stepping closer.

"Try it then! Come on, spar with me! I need the training!" You Cried. Vergil sighed.

"Fine. I'll take it back by force. Let's spar" Vergil Agreed.

It was over in a few mins. Vergil got his sword back but although you were defeated, Vergil was impressed by your bravery and eagerness to keep up with him, so he whenever he could he'd spar with you on occasions and Dante was happy seeing his brother and you get along.

When you and Dante officially started dating more, you also got close with Nero. You'd try and look out for him even though you knew he was more than capable of taking down demons. But Nero appreciated your concern and you two would hang out in Nico's van, talking about your past and how you came to meet Dante and how you got into Devil Hunting and music tastes.

"So punk music is thing?" Asked Nero. You nodded.

"Hell yeah. Been into it since I was a kid" You Replied smiling. Nero smiled at you two.

"You and Dante are totally made for each other" Nero Remarked and you chuckled.

"That we are Nero. That we are" You Smiled proudly.

You and Dante just fit so perfectly together, you two are definitely a powerhouse team and couple. Demons tremble and Devils cry when they see you two heading their way!

❤️Thanks again for the request! I enjoyed writing this very much! Hope you enjoy the headcanon!❤️

[clubheavenofhelen]

🕊️ Short introduction

So I've got a feeling that it would be nice having my own space here. For my own thoughts. I'm gonna post here photos taken by myself as well as the ones I've found somewhere on the Internet. Maybe some recommendations like songs I'm listening to a lot at any given moment, books, movies. Anything that's gonna come to my mind.

🕊️ List of topics:

• 100 days of productivity challenge

🕊️ Some facts about me

• My name's Helena.

• I'm Polish.

• I've got 4 siblings. I'm the oldest one (yeah, I think it's a big part of person's identity).

• I speak polish, english, french.

• I'm a proud catholic, so Bible verses may be present, too (been to a catholic school also). Mary Magdalene is my patron saint of confirmation.

• I am studying Romance philology, but I don't see myself working in this field. I don't think I will continue my studies after obtaining my bachelor's degree.

• I'm an artist. I'm so grateful for being blessed with a natural talent for drawing, painting and everything that comes with that. I'm a creative person. I love art of all kinds. I was also learning to play guitar for some time thanks to my love for music. I'm writing (ever since I was a little child, I dreamed of writing my own book).

• I would like to become a graphic designer. I'm currently working on it.

• I'm also working hard on my mindset. Learning to be positive. Good vibes only. Unfortunately, I am very anxious and emotional person, so there's a lot to work on.

• I keep pushing myself to work out regularly.

• I've been listening to a lot of podcasts for some time now. Usually the ones focusing on self-care, motivation and the others girly things, you know. It keeps me going.

• I drink a lot of tea, water, love flowers, pretty pictures, essential oils, Eurovision, decadent poetry, fashion, history, long road trips. Travelling (especially airplanes!!!). Planning my own wedding. I would dream of living in Florence, if it weren't so crowded...

• I am interested in natural medicine.

• Currently learning how to cook and getting rid of my social media addiction.

Fav things:

• Music: Lana Del Rey, Taylor Swift, Nessa Barrett, Aurora, Sanah, Palaye Royale, My Chemical Romance

• Books: The Poppy War, The Secret History, A Little Life, Harry Potter, The Hunger Games

• Movies: Howl's Moving Castle, My Neighbor Totoro, My Own Private Idaho, Hacksaw Ridge, Call Me by Your Name, Coraline, Mulan, Memoirs of a Geisha

• Series: American Horror Story

• Games: I enjoy playing Anno, Kingdom Come, League of Legends (LUX SUP + TFT top). The Sims is nice too one time a year.

Hope you're all having a good day!

xx

Helena

[the-homicidediaries]

Ed Kemper

Hello, everyone who takes the time to read this. <3

I hope everyone has had a good Mother's Day. I've had one of the best days. My children are so lovely, thoughtful, and caring. I couldn't be prouder of who they are becoming. BUT Enough about me.

Idk, I kinda figured I hadn't talked about a serial killer in.. toooooo long, so in honor of Mother's Day, I will be shedding some light on Mr. Edmund Kemper, The Co-Ed Killer. (I'm also totally waiting for my Sims game to redownload, so I had some time to kill, lol.) If you've never read one of my essays, well, sometimes they can get gross and I'm obviously not being very professional. I told Del it's like I'm just talking to one of the girlies, haha. So please keep that in mind; it may get graphic and I may say a curse word here and there. I am 32 after all.

When I think of Edmund Kemper, a few things come to mind. In no particular order: Number one, he's unbelievably intelligent; he's said to have an IQ of 145, only 15 points away from Albert Einstein. I know he's dangerous because he is a serial killer, but brilliant people are just as scary. The level of power they hold, the mind games; terrifying. And it's pretty rare for us to see serial killers who are so smart. Like just to name a few people off the top of my head.. Robert Pickton, Henry Lee Lucas, Ottis Toole, Arthur Shawcross, and Gary Ridgeway, not so bright to be honest. Another thing I think of is how MASSIVE Eddie Boy is. (SPOILER: Oh, I am speaking in present tense on purpose; he's still alive in a medical facility in California.) This man is 6'9", over 300 pounds. Is he the biggest serial killer? Let me google real quick. YES HE IS, HA! Just wait until you see the pictures I post of him next to the police officers when he was on trial. He's SCARY tall, and he was actually really good friends with said police officers, but he couldn't become a police officer like he wanted to beCAUSE he was so massive. (Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself.) I also think, (imagine this in big, flashing red, neon lights), MOMMY ISSUES. It was pretty clear early on in Ed's life that his mother hated his stinkin' guts and favored his sister's instead, but we will get into alllllldat girrrrrrl.

Edmund Emil Kemper was born on December 18th, 1948 in Burbank, California, to E.E. and Clarnell Kemper. (Omg I just realized why she is so angry all the time. Clarnell? DISGUSTANG) Okay anyway, so, his parents divorced in 1957 when he was 9 and he was, of course, stuck with his angry, alcoholic mother. They ended up moving to Montana. She blamed Ed for everything bad that happened to her. (I think I've listened to some podcasts that said she was so angry because he looked so much like his father and that angered her. Don't quote me on that.) When Ed was ten, his mother forced him to live in the basement away from his sisters because she was always worried he would harm them in some way. (I always go back and forth with this. Was Ed a normal child until his mother put it in his head he was a problem and he might start hurting his sisters OR did she see something everyone else didn't? I don't know.) Regardless, it's said soon after that, Ed started exhibiting some weird behavior. Weird like, like serial killer level weird. Like dark. And evil. Like he would play this game with his sisters that he called "Gas Chamber" where he had them blindfold him, have him sit in a chair, and he would writhe and scream in agony until he "died". Like, idk sometimes my Barbie's parents or sister would die in an accidental car crash, but yeesh. He also admitted during this time he would have dreams about murdering his mother. (Ed LOVED to talk about himself, also pretty rare for serial killers, so there are lots and lots and lots and LOTS of videos of him being interviewed.) Also when he was ten, he buried one of the family cats.. alive. When he was thirteen, he stabbed the other with a knife. Clarnell noped the heck out of Eddie and sent him to live with his paternal grandparents in North Fork, California. (I do want to keep this essay mostly focused on the relationship between Ed and his mother, but when he was 15, he did brutally murder his grandparents "to see what it felt like." This led to him being sent to the California Youth Authority where, I am not kidding you, he was so charming and brilliant they let him do whatever he want and go wherever he wanted, so he spent a majority of his time learning the correct answers of the exams they were giving him until he was eventually released for being "cured" of his schizophrenia at 21. After fatally shooting both of his grandparents to death because he didn't like their rules. It's Ted Bundy vibes and it's awful. But yeah, sorry to quickly explain that without much detail. I highly recommend looking into it.) After he was released, it was reccommended he maybe not live with his terrible, alcoholic, abusive mother, but guess what Eddie Boy did? I'll give you two guesses. Yup. He freakin' MOVED BACK IN WITH CLARNELL. Clarnell was living in Santa Cruz, California, now (after her third failed marriage), and she had taken a job with the Univeristy of California. At this time, Ed had also accepted a job with the Department of Transportation after being rejected to become a state trooper due to his size, which I already told you, but the show must go on! Like he was CLOSE with these dudes. They nicknamed him Big Ed, one of them gave him a badge and handcuffs, the whole shebang. And his car! His car was a Ford Galaxie 500 and it highly resembled a police car. (I'll post a picture.) Like for all intents and purposes, he was basically a state trooper. His job with the Department of Transportation is critical in his serial killing career because that's how he lured the girls he murdered. He picked up hitchhikers and.. ya knoooow. Killed them. But even worse, he would murder girls from UC, but they trusted him because he had a sticker or something hanging in the window, I can't remember, that said he was connect to UC. (Like I said, I am not getting into these murders today, but they are bruuuutal. Ed is a special kind of effed up.)

Okay, so here is where I give the signal that it's going to be really bad, like really, really bad. So. I'm just saying, you don't have to read it! It's not too late to turn around and never look back. But, if you're a little messed up like me, hi. Let's get into it, yuh. (This is all awful, you can really tell how much he hated his mother.)

In April of 1973, Ed Kemper committed his last two murders. First was the murder of his mother, Clarnell Kemper. Before he murdered her, he went to her bedroom and she said, "I suppose you're going to want to sit up and talk now." He replied, "No, good night," and When she was asleep, he bashed her head in with a claw hammer and slit her throat with a penknife. He then decapitated her and proceeded to use his mother's decapitated head to perform oral sex. (I have learned that term is called 'irrumatio'. 'In the ancient Roman sexual vocabulary, irrumatio is strictly a form of oral rape (os impurum), in which a man forces his penis into someone else's mouth, inducing vomiting for sexual gratification.[2]' Gross.) After that, he set her head on top of a shelf and screamed at it for an hour. He also threw darts at it. He also cut out her tongue and larynx and shoved them down the garbage disposal, and the absolute symbolism of that is chilling. Like he could finally shut her up, except he couldn't. Like I said, he loved to talk about himself and give interviews, and when her vocal cords couldn't be broken down, he said, "That seemed appropriate, as much as she'd bitched and screamed and yelled at me over so many years." Afterwards, he hid his mother's body in the closet and Eddie Boy went to have himself a drink at a local bar. He ended up inviting his mother's bestie over and he murdered her too. :( Ed assumed he was going to be caught immediately and fled to Pueblo, California, where ultimately, he ended up telling on himself to his police buddies. They didn't even believe him, he had to prove he was The Co-Ed Killer. I think it's very important to realize that he turned himself in after his mother was murdered. Like she was connected to all of his other murders somehow. I think he said in an interview that after he killed his mother, his "original purpose was gone" and he couldn't emotionally handle it anymore. I personally think he lived out his most disgusting, most wanted fantasy and since it was over, he had no other reason to keep going. Fun facts to lighten the mood? Ed stays in the same facility as Manson did! And also Herbert Mullin. It's rumored that Mullin had a habit of singing that pissed Ed off, so he bribed him with peanuts to get him to stop, lol. He's a smart man. In his time in prison, he's been a model prisoner I reckon. I read he has scheduled other inmate's appointments with their psychatrists and he enjoys making ceramic cups. Ed has a very nice speaking voice, unfortunately, and also while he was in prison, he recorded over 5000 hours worth narrating a set of audiobooks which I have searched high and low for, but I can never find them. He's been very forthcoming with his crimes and has had several interviews. He's also been denied parole several times, and he's even waived his right to a hearing saying, "Society is not ready in any shape or form for me. I can't faullt them for that."

And that is the disgusting, unfortunately true, murder of Clarnell Kemper by her own son, Edmund Kemper.

Happy Mother's Day! <3

My sources: Wikipedia, of course. And also: https://www.biography.com/crime/edmund-kemper

Pictured below are: Ed Kemper as a child. Ed Kemper and Clarnell Kemper. Ed Kemper's victims. Some photos to how he towers over people. Ed Kemper then and now.

Thank you for reading, I love ya!

[overbearingstruggles]

Hi! Tbf I’m quite new to all this but what is the proof or why everyone thinks Alex and Janelle were dating again? Seems weird as I remember them back in the day and seeing thing make me think wtf 😅

So when I was making the Lisex separation timeline I fully realized just how much Alex/Janelle were impossible to pin down. Truly running on motherfucking vibes. If at the end of this you aren’t convinced I’m not even mad because when I say you had to be there noticing pretty normal posts in real time, I mean it!

Lemme start with including this little piece of crazy because personally(!!) I think in some way she helped fuel the Lisex separation. Alex is grown and he made whatever decisions may have lead to his farm vacation, but I cannot shake the way some things add up.

But fr, lemme just start with the singular Biggest Thing of her in his Magna Carta tshirt. If you aren't convinced with this being the biggest thing I Get It.

The first time we know of Alex and Janelle in the same space also happens to be the first time we see Alex being social in LA and shitfaced and having fun and they are scandalously (lol) sitting together on a counter. Suspicion starts immediately which seems unfair and yet

After that, she’s just always around. The only women seen here are girls who are dating these mens.

The rest of 2021 she is AT. THE. SHOWS. Erin and Shay are around often but she is everywhere! And she was never at ATL shows like this before when being besties with Jack.

Their first show is a drive in in Ventura, so LA adjacent, fine.

Their first proper show in Nashville

Lollapolooza - She had said Lolla was her first festival and she went for ATL? Friends? She gave good overalls content from the aftershow tho. Alex stays to hang at the gig with the girlies and to watch Miley

Back in Nashville for Sad Summer

She went to Vegas for their 2 in 1 day iHeart and Life is Beautiful performances which only Nano’s and Zack’s gfs went to

The comment about colored boxer briefs seemed ?? because of Alex wearing those jeans with high rips

She went in the pit at the LA show

There was a whole thing about a fan spotting them "on a date” at this Star Wars/nerd bar in LA called Scum and Villainy. Unfortunately the original blog that posted about it is deleted now.

Alex singing “Closing Time” at the end of a party and saying “time for Janelle to call us a car back home” and even this is like, well is he saying us as in he and Janelle? Or us as in the perspective of the other girls and Janelle is the one taking care?  ???

She goes to AlterEgo in LA with several gfs + Erin. This is from after.

On Valentine’s Day, all the gf’s post about missing their mens because the guys were out of town and the LA girlies go out together. Janelle is always with the known gfs.

We will all die swearing this was a double date we cannot prove

She did her friend’s podcast and ?👂?

Now, Alex’s likes are pretty consistent but he doesn’t like the tshirt post and then becomes much less consistent. Not everything, but not nothing.

May is Erin’s birthday and everyone except Alex and Nano go to Mexico with the rest of the gang, but Alex does make this brunch. It’s nothing but seemed like it should be included idk. Alex and Janelle did sit next to each other but like, so what.

Granted this year has been super weird, but this was the last semi interesting thing she posted directly of ATL. Other friends/gfs went to this per usual but for once, not Janelle.

And then came the Halsey post and this questionable little jab and Alex swinging back to Lisa. There was this progression from being with the ATL crew all the time and then suddenly being back with her previous friend group more consistently again.

In conclusion, my gut says absolutely they were hooking up but I pretty much felt like this the entire time because who the fuck knows. So much blatant nothing between them felt like Something.

[pettywhite]

❝ vienna opehlia aldritch ❞ 24 ⋆ robotics nerd ⋆ alien enthusiast ⋆ astrophysics major ⋆ phD dreaming

oversized hoodies ⋆ online conspiracy chat rooms ⋆ large sunglasses ⋆ lazy summer afternoons ⋆ mint green tones ⋆ mango juice ⋆ late night study sessions ⋆ breakfast in bed ⋆ cold coffee mornings ⋆ no pants at home ⋆ messy buns & sweatpants ⋆ oversized sweatshirts ⋆ 90s fashion ⋆ vintage records ⋆ podcasts ⋆ star gazing ⋆ weekly therapist visits ⋆ stress baking ⋆ early morning runs ⋆ no sleep ⋆ star-gazing ⋆ sweet peaches ⋆ NASA dreaming ⋆ terrible pickup lines ⋆ bright smiles ⋆ infectious laughter

tw: addiction

second youngest aldritch who grew up in a trailer park ⋆ has been obsessed with aliens and the mysteries of miriam’s well ⋆ has been far more effected by the ghosts that haunt her mom than she lets on ⋆ dreams of getting out of miriam’s well and work for NASA, but also feels a sense of duty and loyalty to staying and being there for her family ⋆ has a lot of theories about what happened in the past, but keeps most of them to herself ⋆ constantly looking for a sense of purpose ⋆ will not sleep with someone unless she feels some sort of deeper connection to them ⋆ doesn’t crush easily, so when she likes you, you know it’s serious ⋆ doesn’t really trust people, considering she was bullied a lot when she was younger ⋆ a robotics nerd who prospered in her high school’s robotics team (and more or less forced the school to establish the team) ⋆ would like to make contact with aliens please ⋆ doesn’t know who her father is and doesn’t want to know tbh ⋆ loves her mom and her siblings a lot more than she lets on ⋆ was a girl scout but tried to become a boy scout ⋆ very much a tomboy with serious girly vibes ⋆ doesn’t cope with her mom’s addiction really well and sees a therapist at least once a week ⋆ suffers from anxiety & panic attacks ⋆ works at a coffee shop and at flying saucers for extra cash on the side ⋆ trying to get into a phD program ⋆ wanted to be a pageant girl but EL-OH-EL ⋆ honestly, don’t try to understand her, you wont.

plot ideas

the best friend - they’re the opposite of vienna and brings out the carefree side of her. her personal stylist, confidant, and the one person who doesn’t constantly judge or make fun of her likes and dislikes. they’re her platonic soulmate and actually takes interest in what vienna’s into.

robot nerds - should be around the same age as her and were on the same robotics team as they were. one of their biggest inventions is a robot that can theoretically contact aliens, but it may be faulty, WHO KNOWS.

scooby gang - a group of nerds who believe in aliens, ghosts, and other things that go bump in the night. like to run their own “investigations” but they aren’t that serious. it’s mostly just fun and games--or so they claim. she’s velma, so in need of shaggy, scooby, daphne, and fred.

the aldritch kids - the rest of the kids!! she’s the second youngest, so the youngest and the eldest are still needed. liv’s got a better idea of how the family works, so please get in touch with her, but make themmmmm!

the impacted - i wasn’t sure what else to call them, but the kids who have been impacted by all the craziness this town provides, mainly the “abductions” from all those decades ago. i’d love for her to have a couple of close friends who know what she’s going through (though i prefer her best friend to not be one of them).

[sofiaisms]

only five minutes ‘til midnight , and we just spotted SOFIA ROMERO , known for their OVERFLOWING GLASSES OF BUBBLY , SUN-KISSED SKIN GLISTENING WITH SPECS OF GLITTER , & PRETTY LIPS SPEWING UGLY WORDS IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT at club nouveau , ringing in the new year ! the TWENTY-TWO year old is usually known for their job as a REALITY TV STAR , but tonight , they’re just another reveler in the crowd . when they wrote down their new year’s resolution , they wished for A NUMBER ONE PODCAST RATING & A HEALED HEART FREE OF ANY PENT UP ANGER OR RESENTMENT . funny enough , they had also mentioned how they hoped to forget about the time that they REDACTED . for what it’s worth , i truly hope they can put the old year past them . [ cindy kimberly , cis woman , ‘our favorite love island ship has sank : break-up rumors confirmed by sofia romero during latest podcast episode’ ]

* / ✩ / .. 𝙖𝙡𝙚𝙭𝙖 , 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘺'𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘯 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘢𝘩 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘴 . . .

hello friends ! sorry for the late intro , i was napping 😌 but i’m very happy to be here & i look forward to writing with each & every one of you <3 i’m lia ( she / her ), twenty years old , & vibing in the cst . this is my brand new girlie , sofia . under the cut is a ( hopefully ) brief summary + some listed wanted connections . but if you wanna dive deeper , i’ll leave you with her full bio & stats page in the google doc , her pinterest borad , & a lil wanted connections sideblog i threw together for inspo . feel free to hmu for plots any time via im’s or discord dm’s ! <3

          𝗚𝗢𝗢𝗚𝗟𝗘 𝗗𝗢𝗖  +  𝗣𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗧  +  𝗪𝗖 𝗜𝗡𝗦𝗣𝗢

*+.. 𝗕𝗔𝗦𝗜𝗖 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗧𝗦 ↴

𝐅𝐔𝐋𝐋 𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄: sofia anisa romero 𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄(𝐒): sof 𝐃𝐎𝐁: 15 june 1998 𝐀𝐆𝐄: twenty-two 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑: cis woman 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐒: she / her 𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍: bisexual biromantic 𝐙𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐂: gemini sun, pisces moon, capricorn asc 𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄: staten island, ny 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐎𝐖𝐍: staten island, ny 𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐑��𝐍𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄: new york city, ny 𝐎𝐂𝐂𝐔𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍: reality star / influencer with a podcast akin to “call her daddy” called hot stuff 𝐄𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐋𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐋: graduated high school, went to parson’s school of design for a BFA in fine arts but never completed her degree

*+.. 𝘽𝙄𝙊𝙂𝙍𝘼𝙋𝙃𝙔 𝙎𝙐𝙈𝙈𝘼𝙍𝙔 ↴

youngest daughter to high-profile lawyer, victor romero ( think og rob kardashian ) and plastic surgeon to the rich and famous, irene romero. her sister, isabella, is an a-famed journalist and new york time’s best selling author. and sofia is... well the family disappointment

her parents are rather cold and calculating people that didn’t exactly create a welcoming environment for creativity and self-expression in their home. and sofia pretty much broke every single expectation they had for her, leaving them without any idea on how to properly parent her. so she grew up rather independent and distant from her family

her one true passion is art-- particularly painting. hanging out in her school’s art room was her favorite thing in the world. most of her middle and high school years were spent competing in art competitions and earning awards for her work. by the end of her high school career, she had a promising future as an artist with an acceptance to a good arts school in the city secure

but creating art at a collegiate level among other future professionals was a lot different than high school UIL competitions. sofia struggled with feeling less talented and capable than her peers which hurt her self-esteem and put a damper on her dreams. it was at this low point during her junior year in college that an opportunity of a lifetime was presented to her

she was approached by one of the producers of love island usa with a casting opportunity. going on a reality tv show was honestly never something that sofia saw herself doing. but she figured she didn’t have much else to lose ?? and it could be fun ?? so basically she said YOLO and auditioned for the show, resulting in her being cast as a season 1 islander babyyyy

long story short: love island was fun as hell. she did in fact find love, was a fan favorite, and won the whole damn show. she and her boyfriend moved in together shortly after becoming $100,000 richer. and you would think that a couple strong enough to win love island would be together forever, right? HA

it basically ended up in disaster for sofia with her finding out he cheated on her and had her out here looking STUPID. she was truly heartbroken considering they had been in the talks of engagement. but what can ya do?

she’s done many different side jobs in hopes of staying relevant in the media but her most successful endeavor so far is her podcast. it’s basically the “call her daddy” podcast where she shares stories about love, sex, relationships, and hook-up culture in nyc. it can get very raunchy and she’s definitely exposed herself more than anyone probably should ??? but it’s fun and it keeps her name in the headlines

safe to say her parents only had to hear one episode of the podcast to decide that they were beyond disappointed in her. they’re on the brink of disowning her at this point, which would sever what little connection she has to her family + make her lose access to her trust fund. but she’s trying not to stress about it since she makes her own money now

*+.. 𝙒𝘼𝙉𝙏𝙀𝘿 𝘾𝙊𝙉𝙉𝙀𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉𝙎 ↴

pls if anyone is down, give me a co-host for her podcast. they could just be two best friends sharing stories of their crazy lives & wildest hook-up experiences. i’d love to see it

i think it could be interesting if she had an ex that she was dating before going on love island. like imagine if she broke up with them to go on the show ??? and they hadn’t talked since but they had to watch her move on, publicly on tv. and frankly, it could be karma that her relationship from that show ended badly. idk there’s just potential drama there and the chance for her ex before the show to laugh in her face, which is deserved probs

on the platonic side of things: pls gimme best friends, maybe a roommate, party buddies, good influence, bad influence, childhood friends, confidant, adventure buddies, family friends

on the romantic side of things: other exes on good terms or bad terms, current friends with benefits, past hook-up that she may or may not have talked about on the podcast ( either fondly or derogatory ), tinder matches, enemies with benefits, crush, will they / won’t they

other fun ideas could be: enemies, rivals, someone she’s had as a guest on the podcast, frenemies, friends of friends that haven’t had the chance to bond on their own but they always run into each other, neighbors, they know each other from social media and they hype each other’s instagram selfies or whatever but haven’t met in person yet, ex-friends, pr enemies that actually get along really great in person but are always beefing on social media for the clout

[nisasinferno]

hey everybody,

uh, this is gonna be long, so, get ready.

i was listening to an episode of I Weigh with Jameela Jamil podcast, the one with the Matt McGorry and all the things they said made me want to start something.

Warning: The rest of the post will contain my experiences and comments about body issues, smoking, binge eating, anxiety, depression etc Plus im no expert, only dumping my experiences and thoughts on somethings as i know them.

I live in Turkey and starting tomorrow, we’re gonna be in a country-wide quarantine till 17th May. For this time period, i’ve already made some plans to improve myself like trying to meditate more, catch up with my german lessons or maybe finish my astrology course kinda things. While i was listening to the podcast, i realized how afraid i am of gaining weight during this time period because that’s exactly what happened last year and i really lost my self-esteem.

I was always kinda chubby, carrying my belly to everywhere ever since i can remember but never cared about it because i never felt connected with my body, like it was nothing but a vessel for my mind and soul. Around 2016, i have started to develop a sense of body like what kind of colors or clothes suits me more, how does it make me feel when im complimented about the way i talk or act etc. Before that, i never felt like i was beautiful, likable, charismatic or even symphatetic. Some of the reasons were like: because i was raised by a religious family to believe that body was a gift from God that we should be grateful for and use it to worship in return. Another reason was my mother, she didnt let me build a sense of image for myself, i was only allowed to internalize her way of seeing things in material world. Sometimes as a joke, sometimes as a warning, she reminded me that i was not “behaving like a girly girl would behave: talking less and softly, sitting up straight, smiling rather than laughing loudly” blah blah. In addition to all these, now i can see that some childhood and early-youth traumas have affected me and made me cut the chord between my body and my being as a whole too. With those realizations, new perspectives and thinking, i reconnected with my body. I was still relatively careless about the way i look but more aware of the body standards in general and my position.

Of course slowly losing weight may be triggered it since i became more active in my first year of university, taking minimum ten thousand steps aaannd smokiiinng nearly everyday. The first time i smoke was when i was in high school. I was depressed and being bullied in school so i went to the hospital to start therapy but because of some bureaucratic bullshit, i couldnt see the therapist and feeling hopeless, i decided to hurt myself in a way that i can feel a little bit on the other side of the pain: “the cool side”. After that it was only occasionally, one or two cigarettes when im out with a friend who smokes. Time passed by, i had my heart and my mind broken, started to smoke more, lost my appetite, fed myself with tea and coffee only because i never felt hungry and became skinnier. In my last year of university, adding to my anxiety attacks, i was smoking four packs a day. Everyday. And i was the thinnest i have ever been in my life, still had my belly tho. But, oh man it was bad, now that im skinnier, im much aware of my body in a comparing-myself-to-the-society’s-standards kinda way. Plus, i didnt have the amount of energy or muscle to walk or hike or do some yoga for an hour like i used to. That resulted a resentment against my body and habits that is so toxic, i started to lose control. When i look back to the last two years, i can observe that eating is not about feeding and nurturing my body for me anymore. It’s a way of taking control back that i have so little when it comes to my life. I eat to fill the emptiness that hurts me so bad that makes me sabotage my own life. I eat to distract myself from my anxiety and loneliness because i cant stand uncertainty and i become paralised when i feel like im left alone, unloved and unseen. I eat so i can numb my brain in the sea of dopamine which leads to addictive behavior and more anxiety about not knowing how to stop. It’s a fucking trap.

Anyways, like i said: i want to use this time of quarantine to be a better version of myself. I’m aware that these issues can only be solved in time and great effort and i need to change my way of thinking about myself and lots of other things which can be one of the hardest things a person could do with all those conditioning. I put no pressure, no restriction since i know that pressure and restriction are the reasons in the beginning that brought me here. I really want to stop smoking (i achieved quitting for 45 days last year, i regret it so much that i started again.), heal my relationship with food and my body and myself in general. Im seeing a therapist for my anxiety and depression, keeping a food journal in the last two months to keep a record on my eating and i will go on. I’ll try to practice body acceptance (not body positivity because it’s my body and im allowed to not like my double chin or scars in my body when it’s a distraction from the main message in a photo as long as it’s not at the level of deleting the picture because the view of them makes me feel obsessively disgusted and sad) I will try to eat thinking its effect on my mind and soul, not on my physical apperance. I will try to practice yoga and other physical activities to gain endurance and a more stable state of mind, not to see a “more acceptable reflection” in the mirror. I will try to connect with my higher and true self while finding new ways to understand and integrate my shadow.

This is a pretty sloppy and long post. But i wanted to share these and i want to share the journey ahead. So, i want to thank you beforehand. If you want to get in touch to talk or share about these topics, dont hesitate to contact!

Take care

[msyvonneministries]

WISDOM WEDNESDAY

So yesterday I spoke on the Ms Yvonne Show Podcast about how God has delivered me and broke the chains of a stronghold over my life. Unfortunately, due to time constraints, I wasn’t able to elaborate as much as I wanted to about the situation on the show, so I decided to write about it....

God help me because I really don’t like sharing this kind of information, but I do want to edify the body of Christ. I want you to know that someone cares and understands what it’s like to live and walk as a Christian. We have to face a lot of battles, darkness, enemies, and strongholds over our life in order to grow up in the Lord and that's not always easy. For instance, God is calling me to higher heights, which means that some things, ways and old habits can't come with me. The biggest one of all for me right now is: 

DATING FOR THE SAKE OF DATING!!!

Now the girly girl in me loves to date. I love to be wined and dined and shown a good time. I love to see a man happy to be in my presence. I love to be with a man that knows how to take a lady out and plan a good date for her. These are things that I enjoy. Not to mention I love good company and good conversation. 

So I considered dating a blessing. But now I’m starting to look at it from a different perspective. I feel like I can't date at this time during my walk with God because I don't like it anymore. It's not good for me and it serves me no purpose unless it's my husband.

This last battle proved that to me. I was seeing someone for a little while and things were going okay for the most part, until I thought it would be cool to “play around” with him. I did not go all the way with him because I’m continuing my celibacy journey, but I definitely took it to the edge. This man was something, you hear me. He had enough to make me throw in the towel and say “God I’ll take this one”.

He was much like Saul I would presume. Tall, built well, fully stocked he looked like a King. He was caring, thoughtful, considerate, and chivalrous. I was like ohhhh weee this is nice! Not to mention I feel like he liked me a whole lot. He even mentioned us getting married and eloping.

How would he know that eloping was something I always wanted to do? 

But I love the Lord and I really enjoy studying his word and listening to the prophets. While listening to them one of them said something that stood out, she said “watch out for the counterfeits”. When she said that it really hit home for me. Why? Because God already told me and showed me who my future husband is. But to be honest that was almost 5 years ago. I thought I was going crazy because this man doesn’t even seem remotely interested in me. We haven’t spoken in years and some of his decisions to be honest, I detest. 

I started to feel like Sarah. Like God you promised me this Husband, but it’s taking too long. I’m getting older. I don’t see any signs of you working with Him. Like what is going on?!? Should I just step up and pick out my own man? Am I tripping??? Much like Sarah when she just felt too old to have a child and probably like God is taking FOREVER so she decided to help God out by dragging her maid servant into the scenario (you can find that story starting around Genesis 15).

All of that extra stuff that Sarah threw in the mix just added more unnecessary pain, agony, and resentment; which could have been avoided had she just kept the faith. Well much like Sarah, I too was beginning to become “frustrated” on my wait for my husband. So I decided to “date”.

Dating seemed like a good idea until all of the usual problems started to arise. The lies, the deceit, the disappointment and the let down. All the emotions that I really wasn’t in the mood for. I was looking only at the bright side, but forgetting about the dark side. Forgetting that just because I’m dating from a pure heart doesn’t mean someone else is doing the same.

I felt stupid in the end and begged God for mercy and forgiveness. I didn’t leave God, but I decided to lean in closer to Him. God gave me the strength to overcome that disappointment. He helped me to see quickly who I was dealing with, THANK YOU JESUS!!!! Because of that I was able to rise above the negative emotions, the hurt feelings, the back bitting and the attachment to dating in general. I’m not cut out for that. Not unless it’s my husband. 

I don’t want to waste my time. I don’t want to defile my body. I don’t want to disappoint my Father. Although dating seems so tempting, I would rather resist. I thank God for breaking the stronghold of dating and desiring men with “big egos” off of my life. I don’t want to go back and live in the world. I don’t want to do it the world’s way.

One thing I’ve learned about being in the world and coming out of it, is that they don’t really tell you or “glamorize” the REAL dark side. They make it seem like being sexually active and having multiple partners is fun and the thing to do, but it’s not. 

They don’t tell you the tears that they cry when they’re all alone. They don’t tell you about the mean, hurtful  and disrespectful things that people can say. They don’t tell you how people are only encouraging you to do it because misery loves company. They don’t tell you how you can lose a piece of yourself, if not all of you. They don’t tell you about how you can feel drained and empty. They don’t tell you that it only feels good for a moment, but the pain can linger a lot longer. It’s not as fun as society makes it seems. It’s deeper than that. 

You have to guard your heart and your temple (your body) until you meet a spouse that is worthy enough to receive all of the good love that you have to give. Not having sex before marriage and focusing on the things above and not below is the true way to go. It’s for our own good and trust me when I say that it will save you a lot of pain and agony.

Hold on to God’s unchanging hand as you fight the good fight of faith. Don’t be scared to make a mistake. Don’t be afraid to slip and bump your head sometimes. But rather be grateful that we have a merciful, loving and forgiving Father who understands and is always ready to welcome us back into his loving arms. He is a Good Good Father and He can make your crooked ways straight (Isaiah 45:2 NKJV). He will lead you beside still waters (Psalms 23:2) and renew a right spirit within you (Psalms 51:10).

It’s okay to mess up. It’s okay to admit that you were wrong. It’s okay to hit rock bottom. It’s also okay to start over, to hit the reset button, and to turn from your old ways. See a lot of times we try to fix ourselves in our own power, but that’s what God is there for. He will be your strength even when you are weak. Just talk to him, honestly.

Keeping it real with Him will be one of the most beneficial life changing blessings that you could ever ask for. Why? Because God knows how to lift the weight of burdens off of your shoulders. God has a way of granting you peace in the middle of a storm. God has a way of fighting for you even when you miss the mark, He’s got your back. He’s loyal, faithful, understanding, a good listener and a great defender. 

When it comes to walking with the Lord, if you slip or fall just remember to get back up again, for there is no condemnation in Christ (Romans 8:1 NLT). So I encourage you to do as I did when I slipped and that is to run back to your father, repent, and make up in your mind that if you ever fall again, that it won’t be for the same reason. That is what we call growth :) 

Congratulations Child of God you’re growing up!!! Quite nicely if I must say so myself :) I wish you much peace and many many blessings along your walk and journey with God. May you live long and prosper. One Love!

Peace,

Ms Yvonne.

[addyinabubble]

Inspiration?

The inspiration for this blog came from many things I guess but it makes sense that not just one thing got me here. 1. I am not the best about consistently journaling. I’ve had the same journal since early 2018 and it isn’t even close to full but I like having the physical book with me. It gives me a sense of competency like I can journal, I can express my feelings, I can write, I don’t know. But liking the physical notbook is besides the point. Not actually journaling is the point. 2. I want to do something more creative and out of my box to become more in touch with myself. This whole personal growth movement I’m going through needs a little OOMPH. Maybe getting bold with a Tumblr will push me to realize who the fuck I am or at least who the fuck I can be. But making myself write without my hand getting tired after one page will reduce the excuses I have to make about not expressing myself to myself. Creativity could have been a podcast, Deyonna wants to do a podcast in a bathtub so keep an eye out for updates on that, writing a book maybe, painting art that isnt just copied from pinterest, or taking up a new hobby. Honestly all of these sounded appealing but I know that my consistency skills aren’t very solid so my hopes were low. Thus, I came here. Something that is mine but maybe others can find it. Sounds weird I know. 3. Maybe a little inspiration. Tumblr has that dark side of the web vibe to me. I had a tumblr in middle school that had a feed full of “just girly things” and bull shit like that to make my expectations of teenage to adulthood years way to high. Bull shit. But I am determined to find the side of this blog website for inspiration and reality (actual reality not KUWTK reality). 4. A place to put my manifestations. I am improving on actually putting my desire for things into the universe and attracting those things back to me but asking and asking and asking just seems a lot to me. So here I am not asking but telling the world what I will get and what I will give. 5. Maybe the edgy side of me needed to do something different and out there. Some people may think making a blog is very simple but my goal for this page is to not be simple. Not be basic. Not be expected. But be out there, real, deep (maybe too deep we will see), and driven to not impress anybody but Addy. When I say edgy Addy I mean the side of me that got buried under the preppy girl that I thought everyone wanted to be. The edgy Addy will be my cliche name for the part of me that I feel is different then how people percieve of me. The side of me that I feel like makes me unique in my own ways. The side of me that will attract the genuine people and things that my vibe syncs up with. 

So there it is my friends. There are my inspirations for starting this blog and hopefully being consistent with it. *Updates to come*

[mmmuses]

I’ve taken screencaps of this post in order to decouple it from the original poster’s blog, per her request. 

@amandapoldark. I feel the need to address the various charges you laid down upon my head.

I am rarely on FB and have never engaged in a negative discussion with you on that platform.

You and I have NEVER discussed your opinions about whether the incident in May was non-con or con, so I can’t have bullied you.

We have never discussed the issue you raised about “the fandom’s excessive hero worship of Aidan Turner”. I think Aidan Turner is an extraordinarily talented actor, have enjoyed everything I’ve seen him (although Poldark was the first thing and I wolfed down the rest after that) in and look forward to his future projects.

I’ve never engaged in a discussion with you about Eleanor Tomlinson (who I happen to adore). I think she is incandescent and a brilliant talent and look forward to her future projects.

We have never discussed Aidan/Eleanor shipping. With one, ill-conceived exception, I do not discuss this publicly. 

I’ve never denied my opinions regarding a number of topics involved in the Poldark universe (book and show) have been diametrically opposed to yours, particularly around the issue of Hugh Armitage. We’ve actually had a somewhat rational discussion about this in Twitter DMs. If I was such a bully over your defence of Armitage, then why on earth wouldn’t I have ignored the ask you sent to the poldarkpodcast (Episode 37: Season 3 Wrap Up) that read as follows:

Amandapoldark: Why does the podcast insist on trashing Hugh Armitage with no attempts to be fair/objective in the series and book analysis? The simplistic "adultery is bad" and personal life situations being projected throughout your analysis of this season are getting in the way of even handed analysis. The professional journalists who reviewed Season 3 had no problem separating personal opinions on this issue from objectivity.

We read it on air and responded:

mmmuses: Rita? When did you become professional journalists? I know I’m not one and never claimed to BE one. As we say at the top of each episode, this is podcast created by Poldark fans. We offer our opinions about the books and the shows and opinions are not required to be impartial.

princessofpoldark: I wrote an article for my school paper once, i’m pretty sure that means I am a journalist for life. Get me that #presspass

mmmuses: Does working on yearbook count? Because, if so, #presspass

mmmuses: Look. Regardless of how I feel about the issues of adultery or personal experiences with infidelity -- and, weirdly enough, I can say being obsessed with this series has done wonders for helping me deal with my thoughts and attitudes about both -- I can objectively say that Hugh Armitage was a scoundrel, a man without integrity for aggressively pursuing the wife of the man responsible for saving his life. Seriously. Strip away the story, the characters that we love and hate and look at what this man does and what do we have. A person pursuing the life partner of the person responsible for saving their lives. Does that sound familiar? It should, because the same situation happened in S2, with Elizabeth playing that role. Yeah. I said it. The decision made by the showrunners to drastically simplify the extremely complex situation leading to Demelza's choice in encouraging this pursuit -- because I refuse to see her as some hapless victim of Armitage's dubious moral fibre because to do so would strip all agency from her -- did the issue no favours. I will never see a person like Armitage in a positive light because I have zero respect for someone who acts as he has done. You are, of course, free to have your opinions about Armitage however and in whatever form you wish. 

princessofpoldark: I am free to think he is a pretty, pretty dirtbag with a girly horse

I challenge anyone to read this and declare it to be bullying or harassing towards Amanda Poldark. 

Having a different opinion from yours does not equate bullying or harassment.

I have had PLENTY of discussions with people who do not share the same opinion as I do about this series (books or show), including the con/non-con/dub-con issue that is at the core of most of the discord in the fandom. 

I choose not to engage in a conversation with ANYONE who will turn every single discussion into a battle. It’s as simple as that.