#i made this on mobile pls don't judge

[rumbleonthemill]

oh, to be a shipper.

yknow. there are those "thin tall character with shorter strong / chubbier companion" trope.

these! examples are dakavendish or mcfisteroy. or even Neighbor x Player (depends on fanon height)

you usually know what's the drill with the dynamics and the roles in these ships. smaller / muscled / chubbier one gives all of the love for the taller one, who gladly receives it.

and then there's the absolute fuckup of a similar ship:

and it's Smentin. tall thin man and chubby man. here, triangle and circle shape. and while you'd think it works similarly to the ones above, there's a twist in personality which overwrites the roles of the ship. tall thin man being the dominant / leading one, and the chubby being his other half, the companion, who loves to receive the love his other half gives him, when noone is seeing them. (otherwise they're shy)

I love all of these ships a lot.

[wewontbesleeping]

“Mindy is a great role model for our son!”

[sagegreensage]

"ay yo tell us all the reasons that Pirate is the top-tier most smoochable boi in your eyes"

(me, if I were a deep sea telescope fish, upon seeing this ask in my inbox /pos)

OKAY. SO UH. To save all who read this, im going to do this in bullet format so to minimize the risk of there just being a Humongous Wall Of Text. Also, I don't know how to add a 'read more' on mobile, so I'm sorry about how long it is regardless.

Reasons That Pirate Is The Top-Tier Most Smoochable Boi In My Eyes

Okay, so why is he so goddamned cute?????

I'm nearly in literal tears everytime i see a picture of him... He's so fricking cute.

I smile everytime I see or read that he's smiling.

And he has such a beautiful eye color! A warm, rusty red, his iris is black, and his pupil is white. Oh, gorgeous... So gorgeous.

I want to cup his face in my hands and tell him that in doing that, I'm holding my world in my hands.

He just looks so soft and holdable. I want to hold him. Not just his hands (which, btw, are so very cute~!) but all of him. I want to be the big spoon and cuddle him and hhhhhhh. he is so cute and soft lookingggg! Me want hold. (update: *hand. If he'd like, I can design him a hand. Or hook, if he wants. Or both! he can interchange 'em :) For the material of it, I was thinking an arsenic-free alloy consisting of cold-cast bronze and aluminum.)

i bet his lips are soft too... Really soft,,, I would very much so like to smooch him 👉👈 idc if we kiss and his lips are a little dry because of the beach air or the salty sea. I just want to kiss him. Above water and under water. (actually he likely uses chapstick... What flavor of Chapstick does he use..?) (Update again: mwah mwah >3<. yeehaw. he was not wearing Chapstick because he had just woken up so... Next time. but hhhhhhh. the rp. kissie kissie in rp :D)

I would literally swoon/happy panic (is it a gay panic if I'm male But Also female?... Pansexual panic) receiving his good morning and goodnight texts. Or just almost any text from him for that matter... Basically, it'd go like this. Every time.

[over text]

Sweetie Pie (Pirate): Good morning 💖

Me irl, before replying: ASDFGHJKL bro he so cute,,,,,!?

No but, for real: he so cute. How so cute?

The way he shows his trust... Being around someone with his gloves off and or his eyepatch off. An unspoken, subtle show of him trusting that you won't judge or think less of him.

I love his interests asdfghjkl. I've been hyperfixated on marine life and the ocean since 2nd grade. idk how long I've been interested in pirate stuff. It started before Pirate101, which was made in 2012, that just helped me express it. My grandma used to tell me she wanted to be pirate, so I think it was around when i was 4 or 5 that I began thinking pirates were awesome. hhhhhhhhh me want ramble about nautical stuff with him.

me want ramble with Pirate pls.

And Please. Please, let me introduce him to Pirate101. It was the center of my pirate phase when I was younger, which by the way, never died and Pirate just nursed it back to health. I'll pay for his Pirate101 membership. We will co-op fight our enemies together. The big bad stands no chance.

his aestheticccc. fucking Superb!!! Aw, man.... Seeing him dress in his pirate attire gives me Confidence. I would like to dress up a bit more extra. My aesthetic is either tired nerd with a decent closet or near full on steampunk techwear depending on how I feel. He makes me want to dress in more steampunk techwear.

lkjhgfdsa ANYWAYS. His aesthetic!!! I love seeing art of him wearing his aesthetic. Everytime I show my friends his drip they're like, "wow, he looks so fancy," and like, yes he do. His drip is fancy in that old way, which has then been stolen and worn by a pirate. And basically, that's the pirate drip. Except, unlike your average pirate wearing fancy vintage clothes, Pirate isn't dirty. Pie's clean and they smell very nice.

And the reason he likes pirate paraphernalia is just,,,, yessir! Yes! You love that ocean, bro! The ocean loves you too :) and so do I.

and he's a trans icon :) and not only that, he goes by he/him and they/them pronouns. Amazing!!

iiiii would die and revive for a trip to a store with candles/perfumes/colognes just to look for what I imagine Pie smells like. Odd? Okay, perhaps. but listen. I would die and revive for someone irl to love me like Pirate would. If i buy that scent, you best believe im either spraying the perfume/cologne on some of my pillows and clothing or lighting that candle whenever wherever. Anxious? Lonely? Sad? Empty inside? Pirate's scent fixes all, my friend. a lifehacc, if you will.

I know he has a slight accent, although he suppresses it: i would love to hear it. And when he just wakes up or is drunk, man, oh man. pls, me want hear his accent. (WAIT. when he woke up after he got his arm fixed and i came in the room, was his accent more prevalent at that time? 👀)

I want him to trust me someday enough to not suppress things about himself, like his accent and his purring.

why does he suppress his purring, btw? that's so fricking cute why suppress that? Well, I mean, I know he's ashamed of the fact that he isn't human, and that most humans wouldn't want to be involved with a monster, much less, love and date one. but he's so cute tho. seriously, he could for real just be a scallop with sapience, but if he still was himself I would still fucking love him.

he allegedly gets some of his things out of the trash? yesss. (insert (non)gendered word of choice)boss, this is me: "bb, let's go dumpster diving imma get a ring out of there and use it to be engaged to u someday " terrible no-good very-bad date idea: let's go to the dumpster of Dunkin Donut's. (no but they actually throw away hundreds of perfectly fine donuts every damn night. mind-boggling.)

celebrating Spooky Month together would be great. I would wear whatever he designed, heck yessiree. Man, it would be so cute.

Maybe I'll add to this list later but I think I kept you waiting long enough :3

didnt manage to get all the flustered pansexual panics he gives me or how my thought-process goes everytime I fricking see him but this was a list more for reasons Pie is a total cutie. not me, my butterfly-filled tummy, and my incessant simping 👉👈

[solar-bean]

Hey so I read your Fic about Bruno and I was so in LOVE WITH EVERYTHING 😭💜 So I don't know if your requests are open because mobile tumblr sucks sometimes, so if its not pls ignore this : How about reader being soft and shy and they don't have a dragon but a huge phoenix and it gets all ruffled up when they blush and Bruno doubles his flirting game to see it?

I actually don't do requests but I LOVE this idea ( my inner child who's obsessed with Phoenix's and mythical creatures has be awakened once again!! ). I'm going to interpret soft as chubby if you don't mind. Feel like I went a bit off script with this hope you like it☺️.

(This is gonna be long, sorry😅)

Bruno x Chubby, Shy Reader with a Phoenix

Despite what some might think, there actually is a nineth division in the Top of Horns. A very small and quiet one that is. They're called the Scales, run by Ester Fae. She's an enthusiastic old woman with carmel skin, long beaded hair and pointed ears like that of an elf ( tho no one's sure of she actually is one ). Her division is so overlooked to the point where it's pathetic. No one takes them seriously because they care for and protect mythical creatures.

You'd think that would be important in a world like this, but considering that the more dangerous creatures are usually put down and or experimented on, not so much. So besides the dragons owned by high ranking Wing Bind officials, their most lethal case would be the blind griffin or the manticore with no teeth. All the other creatures were harmless, cute and even babies. Needless to say they were looked at as softies. Their logo being a heart shaped dragon scale didn't help.

" What's so great about the Scales? All they do is play with griffin cubs all day."

" Yeah. Bunch a slackers."

" Waste of funding if you ask me."

It all made Y/n boil with rage, although they'd never outwardly show it. They loved their job. How dare people undervalue it! Sure they played with griffin cubs but those things liked to bite dammit! Hell, they had the scars to prove it!! They had quite a few small scars actually. Caring for magical creatures wasn’t always fun and games. Thankfully they were able to befriend animals much easier than most. Thats why they were Ester’s star pupil. 

It’s also why they’d been sent to Top of Horns meetings in Ester’s place. The poor woman had gotten severely hurt during the capture of a very rare and powerful creature: a phoenix. It was about the size of an average dragon and just as lethal as one. Y/n, and even Ester despite her injuries, couldn’t blame it judging from the broken chains around its neck and its bloody feathers. Thankfully Ester pull in under a sleep spell before any more damage was caused. Now they all had to decide what to do with it.

Y/n was more than willing to help. It’s just that they were shy and skittish as hell, especially around powerful people. Calm a raging dragon? Sure no biggy. Say good morning to Sullivan Squire without squeaking?! Hell no. They stood off to the side for awhile, no seats were left. Then Bruno noticed them.

“ Why are you here?” he asked, it wasn’t meant to sound rude but it did all the same.

“ U-uh...you know..the phoenix...” Y/n managed to murmur.

He nodded, got out of seat, found another chair then put it next to his. They looked at him dumbfounded. Bruno Bangnyfe wasn’t known for being gentlemanly.

“ Well? Don’t just stand there looking pretty, get over here.” 

Their face instantly flared with heat. 

Y/n coming to the meeting at all was hard enough. Now they had to convince everyone to keep the phoenix alive and sit next to Bruno?! This was gonna be a long meeting. 

That was around five months ago. To Y/n’s surprise the Top of Horns not only spared the phoenix but also left it under her care. Ester was beyond proud. As expected, the phoenix was very hostile. Over time, however, she began to trust Y/n more and more. Within the fifth week, she let them pet her feathers while they sat next to her. She was still a bit weary around the other Scales workers, but she didn’t attack them anymore. Ester had come back too. The two got along as if the attack never happened, but Y/n expected that.

What they didn’t expect was Bruno continuously visiting them for “ check ins. ” It was nothing out of the ordinary. He’d look at the phoenix’s condition, see if she would attack him or not then leave. One day he brought his dragon, Rickenbacker. To both his and Y/n’s surprise the two became instant friends, chasing each other around the inclosure like a pair of puppies. This lead Bruno to bring Rickbacker over for playdates while him and Y/n talked. After a while Bruno started to grow on them, but they knew it was just a meaningless crush.  He had admirers all over Reverse London. There’s no way he’d like the awkward, potato-shaped Scales worker right?

---

Y/n came in early for their shift, throwing on their uniform lab coat and greeting the other Scales workers as they went by. They arrived at the giant inclosure and typed in the passcode. The inside was set to a moderately high temperature and was full of massive plants and flowers. The glass dome roof allowed the sunlight to pass through as if they were really outside. Despite how overlooked the Scales were, they did have good enough funding.

“ Topaz!” Y/n called out.

There was a strong gust of wind followed by a loud whoosh sound as the phoenix landed in front of them. 

“ Topaz! Oh I missed you. Weekends are too long.” Y/n cooed as Topaz chirped happily and leaned down to nuzzle into them.

Y/n gladly pet her fluffy feathers. The hue of them had improved drastically. Instead of a dark red they were now multiple shades of yellow, orange and pink blending into one another. 

“ Your flying’s improved a lot. You’re so fast that I could barley see you.”

Topaz’s now no longer cracked beak stretched into a smile. She loved compliments. 

The fun was cut short when the door unlocked. Behind them entered two familiar faces. Topaz let out an excited screech and instantly ran towards Rickenbacker, who did the same. 

“ Wait!” they halted.

Y/n pulled down Rickenbacker’s bandaged wing. They took some of the wrapping off to check the wound which had now began to scar over.

“ Ok you’re all good. Go play.” 

The two immediately ran off. Y/n began to follow them before a hand fell on their shoulder.

“ No ‘good morning’ for me, Y/n?” Bruno said with a frown.

“ O-oh, yes good morning. Sorry, I was bit distracted.” 

“ Oh..right. I was worried that you were still mad about...you know...”

Y/n’s heart sank.

“ I was...but I’m over it now. I know that you were just doing your job. Cinderella was a threat, dragon or not. I doubt we’d be able to take care of her anyway...”

“ Well,” Bruno sighed. “ I guess I brought this ‘please don’t hate me’ gift for nothing.” 

He pulled out a freshly baked cupcake from behind his back. They gasped.

“ My favorite!” they instantly took a bite and groaned. “ So good. Thanks Bruno.” They then noticed a slight blush on his face. “ Something wrong??”

“ Hm? Oh! No no. You know how hot it gets in here.”

They didn't question him and made their way to where the two were most likely playing, Bruno followed. They sat on a nearby bench and watched Rickenbacker and Topaz play with a few of the toys left in the inclosure. 

“ So,” Bruno said as he finished his own baked treat. “ Did you ask Ester yet?”

“ No.” Y/n sighed. “ You know how hard it is to claim ownership of a rare mythical creature. Not to mention getting clearance to ride one and learning how to on top of that.” 

“ You can't know if you don’t try. Besides, didn’t you say that Topaz has probably been in captivity all her life? Where else is she gonna go? She loves you more than anything so she might as well belong to you.”

“ I know but...” Y/n closed in on themselves.

“ You’re scared?”

Y/n nodded. They remained silent for awhile. 

“ I’d just need really good, solid proof that Topaz wants to be with me too. Without it, the file might never get approved.”

Bruno thought on that. Then he got an idea.

“ Now that I think about it, I remember reading a long time ago that a phoenix’s feathers will match its rider’s emotions.” 

“ Oh yeah! I think it was in an old fairytale, but I doubt its tru-” Their eyes widened when they looked back at Bruno. “ Why’s your shirt off???” 

Bruno gave them a mischievous grin.

“ What? I told you it gets hot in here. Besides, I’m wearing an undershirt aren’t I?” 

“ Y-yeah but-”

“ Uh-uh. I’m not taking judgement from a cannibal.”

Y/n’s brain nearly lost a screw.

“ A what!!” 

Bruno chuckled.

“ You heard me.” he said lowly, leaning closer to them. “ You devoured that cupcake as if you aren’t one yourself.”

Y/n’s entire being went ablaze.

“ I..I-I....I’m not..I’m not a-”

“ Sure you are,” he purred. “ So sweet and soft,” he emphasized his point by putting a hand on their side and giving it an affectionate squeeze, making them squeak in surprise. “ Not to mention that you always smell so good.”

They were so close that Y/n could feel his sugar coated breath faintly dust their cheeks.

“ Umm...t-thanks its the shampoo that I use. Would you like to try some-”

They paused once they noticed Bruno’s hands go on either side of the bench behind them, pinning them. 

“ Do you know what else I like about you?”

They gulped.

“W-what...”

Bruno leaned in closer, if that was even possible. Y/n could see every shade of blue in his eyes. Were his eyelashes always that long? He’d look good with eye makeup. Actually he’d make anything look goo-wait no why are they spacing out this is serious!!

“ Despite how shy you may appear on the surface, I know you’ve got a fire in you. This burning determination to protect creatures that could take down cities if they wanted. I saw it for the first time at that meeting all those months ago. I’d never heard you speak louder than a whisper, let alone with such confidence. You even got Sullivan’s attention with that spark of yours.”

Y/n managed to look away.

“ I don’t have a spark. You’re being silly.”

Bruno gently took hold of their chin and turned their gaze back to him. They were stunned by the sincere, soft smile on his face.

“ Maybe I am. You have that effect on me. Cute things always did drive me crazy.”

Cute?

CUTE??!!

Bruno thought they were cute!!!

Oh that did it! They have to make a move. This is their shot!

“ Bruno I-”

All of sudden he moved their face towards Topaz and Rickenbacker. Confused, they stared at the two and came to one hell of a sight. Topaz’s feathers had turned a soft shade pink and were also fluffed out like a scared cat’s tail. She didn’t react to the change, but Rickenbacker sniffed at them with concern then stopped when he couldn’t find a threat. 

Y/n merely gawked, unable to process everything. They hadn’t noticed Bruno putting his shirt and jacket back on.

“ Well that should be enough proof.” he gave them a solid pat on the shoulder, knocking them back to reality. “ Feel free to call if you need any good flying trainers.”

He called Rickenbacker and made his way to the exit. It dawned on Y/n what that whole flirting thing was for.

Of course it was that. He didn’t mean any of it. Dammit I nearly embarrassed myself back there! 

“ Wait I forgot something,” he jogged back to them and knelt down to their level. “ Would you like to go to dinner with me sometime?”

“ Dinner?”

He nodded.

“ Oh! Yes! Dinner. I love dinner- I mean I’d love to.” they stammered out.

Bruno smirked at them then rested his thumb to the side of their mouth, flicking off a tiny bit of leftover frosting. He stared them right in the eye as he licked it off. 

“ See you then.” 

And he was gone.

And Y/n began to think.

Topaz, her feathers still pink, came to check on them and nudged their shoulder. After giving her a few pets Y/n marched to Ester’s office with a newfound confidence. Maybe Bruno was right about them having a spark.