#i made this awhile back but i forgot to post it until now

[fishlung8877]

[jenny-in-a-jar]

My surgery is tomorrow!!! ✨💕🥰✨💕🥰

(Picture taken June 23, 2024)

I'm very very excited for my surgery (it's my second gender affirming surgery but this one is more significant to me since it'll be top and bottom surgery) and I was obviously counting the days until it and I thought some people might be interested in my trans journey 🏳️‍⚧️ I finished up most of the story a few days ago so now I'll towards future under the cut! 🌈🌈🌈

With these surgeries I feel like I'm completing the "main campaign" and all that'll be left will be "side quests"

Like I will still have voice training. Also hair removal and getting my birth certificate updated.

Oh!! That's other things I forgot to mention in early posts 😅

I got my name legally changed in the summer of 2021. I just paid a lawyer to handle it for me with my stimulus check money. And I remember getting an updated social security was a whole process 😮‍💨 Now I just need to get my birth certificate updated before I lose the chance to 🙃

Also it was in 2022 that I got laser hair removal. The place locally had this weird plan where you pay for an area and it's pretty expensive but it covers all sessions you can keep coming back for life if there's ever any regrowth (which their definitely was). Honestly, I have a lot of really light hair so I'll be finishing it off Electrolysis.

I had a consultation for body contouring a month or so ago. And she said that she didn't recommend it since I had so little fat that it would be very risky and have minimal results 😔 She did say that she could do a tummy tuck since I have a bit of loose skin there 😅 But she said it would be one of the most painful surgeries which made sense to me as bc I remember they pulled a little bit of fat for my FFS from there and that was the most painful part 😬 Also getting a big scar just to get rid of a bit of flabbiness, especially if I couldn't also get an ass out of it just did not seem worth it. Maybe in a decade when my metabolism goes down, I'll reconsider it. I'll have to go in to replace my implants anyways 🤷‍♀️

Oh!! I'll make sure to upload a picture after I get the surgery! But it might be a few days

But after this surgery I'll done for awhile, finally 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 But life is all about change so I doubt I'll ever consider myself fully done with transitioning. I'm excited to see the person I'll become 🥰🥰🥰

Also thank you everyone who left kind messages in the tags and comments 🥺🥺🥺

[cosmicanakin]

ꪆৎ AMERICAN MADE ﹒♱

੭୧ . . . soldier boy x female!reader.

ᯓ your encounter with soldier boy at the flatiron building proves he's nothing like his disappointing son, homelander.

warning(s) smut┆smoking┆mild degradation ( towards homelander )┆semi-public sex┆rough sex-ish┆mentions of past relationships┆strong language. 𓇼 so this was meant to be posted days ago… but i got super busy and totally forgot about it. but it's finally up <3 love me some soldier boy every once in awhile too. eighteen plus! adult content | minors do NOT interact.

　✧⠀ ⠀⠀　𓈒　⠀⠀ ⠀૮₍ ´ ꒳ `₎ა⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ꪆৎ masterlist

you hadn't expected to find soldier boy lounging on butcher's desk, smoke curling from his lips as he took another hit from his joint. the flatiron building was usually empty this time of night, save for butcher who you could hear talking in the other room.

"well. if it isn't america's former sweetheart," soldier boy drawled, his eyes trailing over you with an intensity that made your breath catch. "came to see the brit?"

you shifted your weight, suddenly aware of how alone you were with him. "i needed to discuss some things about homelander."

"that fucking disappointment," he scoffed, taking another drag. "you know, hughie told me about you. america's sweetheart turned rebel. gotta say, that's pretty hot."

the way he said it made heat pool in your stomach. you'd heard stories about soldier boy, about his reputation before payback turned their backs on him, but nothing prepared you for the raw magnetism he exuded. maybe it was because he reminded you of homelander — or rather, homelander reminded you of him. but there was something different about soldier boy. something more primal, more authentic.

"what else did hughie tell you?" you asked, taking a step closer.

soldier boy's lips curved into a smirk. "enough to know that you're wasted on my sorry excuse of a son." he stubbed out the joint and stood up, closing the distance between you in two long strides. "tell me, sweetheart, did he ever make you feel like a real woman?"

your breath hitched as he backed you against the desk, his hands gripping the wooden edge on either side of you. "soldier boy—"

"ben," he corrected, his breath hot against your neck. "my name's ben."

what happened next was a blur of sensations. his lips crashed against yours, tasting of marijuana and whiskey. your hands found their way to his shoulders, feeling the solid muscle beneath his suit. he lifted you onto the desk with ease, stuff scattering to the floor.

"fuck butcher and his precious fucking desk," he growled, pushing you back until you were lying flat on the wooden surface. "been wanting to do this since i first heard about you."

your clothes seemed to disappear under his experienced hands, and soon you were bare beneath him. soldier boy took his time, his eyes drinking in every inch of you. "now this is what i call a view," he muttered, his voice rough with desire.

you could hear butcher still on the phone in the next room, his muffled british accent a reminder of where you were. but soldier boy didn't seem to care, and truthfully, neither did you.

he knew exactly how to touch you, where to kiss you, how to make you fall apart. each thrust was calculated, powerful, making you bite your lip to keep from crying out. his experience showed in every movement, every angle he hit perfectly.

"you're all mine," he growled in your ear, his pace relentless. "no other man gets to touch you, look at you, think about you. understood?"

you nodded desperately, your nails digging into his back.

"say it," he demanded, slowing his movements teasingly.

"i'm yours," you gasped, and he rewarded you by picking up his pace again.

the desk creaked beneath you, and somewhere in the back of your mind, you wondered if butcher would notice the scattered papers, the slightly askew angle of his workspace. but those thoughts disappeared as soldier boy brought you to the edge again and again.

when it was over, he helped you straighten your clothes, a possessive glint in his eyes. "you should come around more often," he said, lighting another joint. "might make these meetings with butcher more interesting."

you couldn't help but smile, even as you heard butcher's footsteps approaching. soldier boy didn't move away from you, if anything he moved closer, making it clear to anyone who walked in exactly what had happened.

from that moment on, everyone knew you belonged to soldier boy. the boys never commented on it directly, but they saw the marks he left on your neck, the way his eyes followed you whenever you were in the room, the possessive hand he kept on your lower back.

and honestly? you wouldn't have it any other way.

[we-were-beautiful]

Marry me

Xaden x Sorrengail!oc

WC: 816

Warnings: None just Fluff

A/N: Well I decided to take part in a small writing Challenge. I had fun writing this little blurb and while it has the potential to turn into its own series; I am going to show self restraint by not doing that. The prompt was "I can never say 'no to you" From Jana over at @creativepromptsforwriting

Also fair warning; I didn't send this to any of my betas. So we die like men at this point

Thank you to @skyfallscotland and @justallihere for putting together the Fourth Wing Birthday Bash

Last but not least tumbr is being dumb and won’t let me post from my laptop so apologies about the formatting

“We should get married” I comment wrapping my arms around my beloved’s shoulders, fingers gently tracing along the scars at the top of his shoulders. I look up into his gold flecked onyx eyes and smile widely at him. Was the flight field after lessons the best place to have this conversation, probably not, but I couldn’t help myself. It had been an interesting lesson with a storm about to roll in; the thunder off in the distance rolling. But now with the rest of the third years and Professor Kaori heading back to the citadel, I figured given Xaden a small heart attack would be fun.

Where I would expect to see shock and hesitance on his face I only see a fond smile as he wraps his arms around my waist to pull me into his chest.

“When do you want to get married and how do you want to tell your mother and sisters?” I hadn’t thought of that.

It would be pretty easy to tell Violet. If I could get her away from her squad it would be as simple as that. Mira I could just write a letter too. Shed be pissed at first; she had specifically told me to stay away from Xaden. That didn’t work out since we ended up in the same squad with mated dragons; but Mira could get over it. She’d be happy for me eventually.

My mother; however, I completely forgot about. General Sorrengail hadn’t been a fan of the relationship and she had made it known to me once the word had made it to her office. That had been the only time I had formally gotten called to her office to make her displeasure known; but its been three years. Xaden and I work well together and we have been in love with each other for awhile now. Not to mention we are kinda stuck with each other until one of us dies so at one point or another she’s just going to have to learn to live with it.

I feel Tairn’s amusement in the back of my mind. The old curmudgeon had been riding my ass this last week about acting like a love sick puppy around Xaden. Like his grumpy ass isn’t the exact same way around Sgaeyl.

‘I heard that’ the rumbling voice flows through my head.

‘You were supposed to.’ I felt Tairn’s snout push at my back sending me further into Xaden’ s grasp ‘Tairn!!!’ I can hear Sgaeyl chuckle in my head.

‘I think I shall go get some sheep’ I’m not sure if it is the mighty beat of our dragons wings or thunder, but as the two dragons fly off the heavens open up above us and cold rain begins to pour down. Xaden lets out a hearty laugh squeezing me tightly.

“When do you want to get married love.” He leans down to whisper in my ear repeating his earlier question.

“Want to grab Garrick, Bodhi, Liam and Vi and sneak down to Chantara.” I would do it; grab our family and secretly get married today if he agreed.

“How about we wait until graduation. We can get our family together, before we fly to our post, and have a small ceremony.” He pushes a soaked strand of hair away from my face. “Then it gives you time to let Mira know, so she can try and get leave” leave it to this perfect man to remember that I wanted Mira there when I got married. While Brennen had Mom and Violet had Dad it had been Mira and I against the world. I still had all of the letters we had wrote to each other while she was in the quadrant and then when I started second year. She had to be there on our special day; she would kill me if I ran off today and got married.

“Ok Graduation it is then.” He looks even more breathtaking in the rain as water droplets roll down his skin.

“Alright then lets go Mrs.Riorson.” He lets go of me and moves towards the hidden tunnel entrance.

“Wait.” I call grabbing his hand to stop him. “Kiss me?” Is it cheesy and straight out of the romance books that I brought into the quadrant, yes. But I had always wanted to be kissed in the rain.

“Have I ever been able to say ‘no’ to you.” He gently cradles my face in his hands tilting my face upwards; his lips crash into mine is a passionate kiss. It starts out innocent enough but my hands quickly find their way to his hair and one of his finds its way to my ass. When we break apart we are gasping for breath; Xaden rest his forehead against mine and hazel eyes meet onyx “Marry me?”

“Yes.” I laugh and pull him into another kiss.

[lovelykil]

I need a moment where thereader accidentally calls Kyle their girlfriend like, offhandedly and he's like "huh-" bcs it would be so cute and super funny, PLZ I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND ‼️🗣️

-✩

「 Girlfriend !!! 」

kyle x reader older ver.

cw; none

note; I'm posting my drafts 😭😭😭..

"Wendy why don't you just break up with him already? If he's being such a dra–"

"Noo, I love him you know that Y/n I just think he needs to talk more you know? Like to me.." Wendy leaned against her locker with a sigh, I closed mine shaking my head from having a different viewpoint on her situation.

"This is like the 5th time he's done this, you better figure out what's up, or else it's gonna keep dragging you along."

"Yeah I know, maybe I'll talk with him later today. This just kinda sucks." She leaned away from the locker and look at me. I put a hand on her shoulder, rubbing it with care.

"It's not your fault wends, guys are just stupid." I reassured, snickering after when she began to laugh with me.

"They so are, but aren't you with Kyle? Does he–"

"Okay now Kyle is different." I pulled my hand away to stuff them in my pockets. Wendy raised her eyebrow then crossed her arms.

"Didn't you just say guys suck?" She questioned, to which I shrugged lightly with goofy smile.

"I did but Kyle isn't like that he's not even my boyfriend."

"Girl what?" Wendy's arms unfolded but her confused expression remained on her face.

I was about to explain what I meant but saw my ginger walk side by side with Kenny, chuckling together as they made their way down the hallway about to pass me and Wendy.

"Ohh Kyle!" I raised my hand up for him to see, beaming a smile. He was a tall guy so wasn't hard for him to spot me, his head perked up from being called, he looked around confused until he saw me waving he immediately walked through the herd of students towards me, leaving Kenny behind though the blonde actually followed along.

"Oh hey Y/n" Kyle grabbed ahold of my hand then leaned in for a hug, smiling, I hugged him back leaning away just to kiss his cheek.

Wendy waited awkwardly by her locker really deciding if she should just ditch or not as me and him interacted with each other 'lovey dovey' like.

"Hii babyy" I held on to his arm, kissing his cheek once more before resting myself down to the floor.

"You know what I think I should.."

"Oh shit Wendy– I forgot." I turned my attention to Wendy, being thrown off.

"Sorry, anyway.."

"It's okay.. uhm what were you saying?" Wendy adjusted her backpack uncomfortably, her eyes landing back on me. Kyle looked at Wendy then at me.

"What were you guys talking about?"

"Like I said Kyle isn't my boyfriend.."

"I'm not?" He paused, and looked down at me obviously a little confused I tugged on his arm to make him lean down towards me.

"He's my girlfriend, like my pretty girl. He never does wrong. Isn't that right Kyle?" I put my hand on his cheek to make him look at me with a grin.

I've never seen him so confused.

"I'm so confused right now"

"Huh?"

"I don't know I've been calling him that for awhile, it just kinda rolls off the tongue you know? He's pretty and doesn't do anything wrong." I let go of his face to look back at Wendy.

"Ohh yeah okayy.. I'm gonna pretend that makes sense and go now." The girl in the hat awkwardly stepped back and left the scene, just leaving me, Kyle and.. oh yeah and Kenny.

"That doesn't make sense babe."

"Trust me it does, now head to class." I let go of his arm putting my hands back in my pockets. Kyle thought for a second, touching his cheek.

"Okay I guess, kiss goodbye though?" He asked, not questioning the conversation. I signaled him to come over to me and latched my hands to his face once more.

He put his hands on mine kissing me back with his cute smile before ending the kiss short when he heard the bell.

"Ohh shit the bell– okay I gotta go. See you later!" Kyle shouted, waving me a goodbye then went to quickly get to his class. I admired him from a distance sighing with a lovesick smile.

"He's so cute Kenny."

"Are you gay" I heard Kenny walk up from behind me. I turned around, giving him a look.

"What? No." We stared at each other for a second before I started to walk away for class, him tagging along beside me.

"Well.."

[return-of-a-space-cowboy]

Yandere Rikkiel X Ex girlfriend stand user reader

Oh God just when I was about to post did I actually see the stand user part!! I'm so sorry, my eyes betray me once more. I've been pondering on the fic for so long but I'm going to post anyways it as I've kinda gone to far to throw it out.

If you still want me to do the stand user concept please send me another ask and I'll fulfill it. Yet again my apologies.

I pondered on this for awhile after finishing as it's my first time writing for Rikkeil and i was a bit nervous due to how little we get of him. Hope I did him justice.

(Yandere Rikkeil x gender neutral ex Reader)

“Rikkeil, I have something to tell you…” you said as you sat with him for lunch. You had to tell him, it was eating you inside to keep hiding it.

“Yes?” He asked. Obviously happy to be with you. You didn't want to hurt him but you had to tell him. You took a deep breath in before finally speaking.

“I got into the University of Michigan,” you told him. Of course he was proud of you. Previously you arranged to go to whatever state you got in together but recently you started to think about your relationship with him. You did care for him, however you realized that your feelings for him were more platonic. He deserves someone who could love him without a doubt.

“There's another thing I have to tell you too” you said. He could tell something was wrong by your somber tone. He reached out to hold your hand but you pulled it back.

“I've been thinking about our relationship, I realize that my feelings for you aren't romantic. It's nothing to do with you I just feel as though I didn't understand what I really felt” you tried to explain. He sunk in his seat, you could tell he was hurt.

“Are you ok Rikkeil?” You asked him.

“I'm fine” he told you with a shaken voice. He was struggling to articulate just how he felt. Ye wanted to cry, to beg, even grab you and ask if this was a horrible joke.

You had been the only person he'd been with, one of the few people who hadn't looked down on him and helped him. Deep down he felt something repulsive writhing inside him, reaching up into his chest and ensnared his lungs.

“We can still be friends, I promise I'll keep in contact if you want” you reassured him, however he couldn't quite take that. He loved you, you were his everything. He couldn't even speak, couldn't bear to be in this situation any longer as he felt himself struggling to breathe.

“I have to go! I forgot something important!” he yelled as he stood up and quickly left. You felt horrible but perhaps it was best just to give him some time.

💔💔💔

He hadn't left his house in days, God he felt horrible. Even worse than usual. All he could think of is just how much he needed you. You'd been together for a few years now and you'd helped him through so much even before he'd had the confidence to ask you out.

He wondered if he did something that made you not like him. Were you telling him that you'd stay friends just to please him. His mind was full of so many horrible thoughts.

Even in his dreams he couldn't escape it. Horrible scenarios of you meeting someone else, getting hurt or even worse.

He was convinced that he had to do something. Had to get you back. He grabbed his tone and texted you as quickly as he could.

‘(Y/n), could we catch up?” He asked and waited for what seemed like forever for a response.

‘I'm sorry, Catching up with family for a couple of days, I'll be back on Thurs’ you replied. It only made him more insecure, what if you were lying? What if it wasn't even you that responded to his texts.

💔💔💔

After a lot of deliberation he finally decided to check your apartment. He needed to know what was going on. At first he thought it would be tough to get in but the moment the owner saw him she offered to unlock it for him assuming he was still the tenant's partner.

He practically scavenged through everything in an attempt to find a reason. He hadn't even realized you'd arrived home early until you'd turned on the lights.

“Rikkel? What are you doing here?” You asked with concern in your voice. His head whipped towards your direction. What was he going to tell you? That he was looking for a reason as to why you dumped him. No he had to make an excuse or else you'd surely get defensive.

“I… I was looking for something, lost something and I last remember having it here” he worked up a measly excuse.

“Ah, I'm not feeling too well but I can try my best to help you find it” you offered.

“Thank you,” he said.

“What was it you lost?” You asked. Again he had to lie, he was raking his brain for another excuse.

“A card,” he replied.

“What was it for and what color?” You asked.

“Red… it was one of those loyalty cards for the mall… need it to get something for my grandma” he lied.

He could see you pondering, did you not believe him?

“I don't remember seeing it around, it must be in-between furniture or something if it is here” you told him.

“You sure it isn't at yours or in your car?” You asked.

“I checked several times,” he explained.

“Ok I'm going to sit down for a bit, could you get me some water and I'll start looking when I feel a little better” you told him as you sat down on the lounge.

“Of course” he responded, heading to the kitchen.

“Oh could you add some ice?” You asked.

“Yes,” he replied.

“So how was seeing your family?” He asked.

“It was alright, had dinner out but I got this pounding headache and couldn't stay any longer” you explained.

“I was supposed to be heading off to an engagement party a couple of hours out tomorrow but I don't know if I'll go if I'm still feeling like this, at least I didn't pay for my own room” you continued.

Meanwhile Rikkeil was getting out the ice cubes and putting them in a glass. His heart was racing from this whole ordeal. He couldn't lie, part of him was pushing for extremes. To lock you up and never let go. He didn't think he could ever do such a thing til now. End up like those sick freaks on TV. Maybe they had gone through the same thing, unable to process not having their one and only and acting out.

He opened up your medication draw. He knew you had some strong sleep medication somewhere. He shuffled the boxes around before he saw the familiar packaging. If he were to slip those in your water he'd have no issue with just picking you up and taking you back to his car.

No, he couldn't just do that?! If he got caught he'd get sent straight to prison. But what if you understood him? You always had. If you could see just how much he needed you you would reconcile. He could really show you that you still loved him.

So he followed through. Taking out the medication and crushing it with the side of a knife.

“You ok?” You asked after hearing a thud.

“Yes I'm fine, just hit my knee” he told you as he put in the crushed up medication into the water and gave it a gentle stir til he couldn't see it.

“Sorry for taking so long” he apologized as he headed towards you with the glass in hand.

“No it's fine” you replied.

He sat next to you and handed you the water.

“Thank you” you told him before taking a sip.

“I was worried when you left the other day,” you confessed.

“Why?” He asked

“It's just… I know it must have hurt to hear me say what I did after all we've been through, I was afraid to lose you. I might not see you romantically but I still really care about you. I didn't want to lead you on… you deserve someone who can love you without a doubt” you explained.

He remained silent, there was no going back now. You were the one he deserved, how could you not see that you two were meant to be. After everything you two had gone through.

[midnight-black2]

HIII IM SO GLAD YOURE BACK 🫶

prompt #8 with kai please 🙏 u can choose whether they're playing spin the bottle or seven minutes in heaven

mwah thank you 😚

𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄

pairing : kai (voyagers) x reader

synopsis : uhh what the req says

disclaimers : kissing, mentions of sex, pretty mild since it's just spin the bottle lol

note : sorry this took me like three days to post ! i finished it, and lowkey forgot to schedule it for posting like a dumbass bro. anyways, enjoy !

everyone had gathered in a circle, wearing excited grins and cheeky smirks. zach had told you all about a game named "spin the bottle," which was apparently common back on earth. it was a game that involved kissing, which was enough to persuade the entire crew to play. ever since everyone stopped taking the blue, the idea of any physical contact seemed heavenly.

zach placed an empty glass bottle in the middle, that he managed to snag from the cafeteria. everybody watched the boy move, awaiting his next action.

"the rules of this game are simple. you spin the bottle, and whoever it lands on, you have to kiss," zach explained, wearing a smirk as all eyes were on him. it was forbidden, and almost felt sinful to kiss another person, and that's exactly why everyone was so eager to play. it was now their chance to revolt. you, on the other hand, were simply in it for the ride. i mean, you'd be lying if you said the idea of kissing someone turned you off, because it certainly didn't. however, you weren't actively seeking for someone to make out with.

"now who's going first?" asked zach, looking around the circle. eyes flitted around the group, and only one was willing to volunteer.

"i will," kai stated confidently, as his mouth contorted into the same smirk zach wore. everyone turned to him, and he seemed to like the attention. without another word, he got up, and gave the bottle a forceful spin.

it was awhile until the bottle came to a stop, and you weren't paying much attention. you were picking at your nails, oh so confident that the bottle wouldn't land on you. but, when you felt many eyes burning into you, you had finally looked up.

and there everyone was, staring at you.

and there the bottle was, also staring at you. the tip was directly in front of you. there was no mistaking that it landed on you. when you had met eyes with kai, he had this complacent look. you sighed, because you were secretly praying that you wouldn't have to actually end up kissing anyone. unfortunately, your prayers were not heard.

although...there was a fortunate side to this. kai was an attractive man, it was just his attitude that made you want to slap the absolute shit out of him. and now, with everyone staring at you intently, you had finally gotten up. kai followed suit, and you two met in the middle of the circle. everyone was whispering amongst themselves, waiting for one of you to actually do something.

kai was unmoving, there was something holding him back, but his eyes flickered between yours and your lips. so that left you, and without another thought, you attached your lips to his. he kissed you back with a sort of fervor you couldn't miss. he let out a very very small noise, that nobody else but you heard. it was a high-pitched hum, which made you kiss him even harder.

your hand flew to the back of his head, forcing him closer to you, as his hands rested at either side of your face. almost subconsciously, you had slipped your tongue into his mouth, and he invited it. you could feel his smirk against your lips, but at that point you didn't even care. it was insatiable, and you hadn't noticed just how long you two had been at it until someone had cleared their throat in the circle.

you pulled away, and the both of you were breathless. it was awkward, but i suppose all things after everyone stopped taking the blue were. there was kissing, and hickeys, and even sex. it was so animalistic, and at the end of the day, you were all just teenagers. no one knew what they were really doing.

"surprised you guys didn't just fuck then and there," zach said, and everybody erupted into chuckles and soft laughter. you felt a twinge of embarrassment pool in the pit of your stomach, but you didn't let it show. as you went to sit back down, kai did the same. eventually, the night progressed, and it became less and less weird. the game was almost...entertaining.

the entire rest of the game, kai couldn't take his eyes off of you. he was checking you out, and not so subtly. god, this was exactly what you didn't need.

and it was then that you knew, your relations with kai would not end at just kissing...

𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒 © 𝐤𝐲𝐚-𝐢𝐬-𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐥

𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐲? 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞

𝐩𝐭.𝟐 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭? 🌚

[setthishouseablaze]

Fortnight - post mortem

"Fortnight"

(feat. Post Malone)

"I was supposed to be sent away, but they forgot to come and get me

I was a functioning alcoholic till nobody noticed my new aesthetic

All of this to say, I hope you're okay, but you're the reason

And no one here's to blame, but what about your quiet treason?"

To be sent away is to be committed to the psych ward, or sent to jail. From the music video (MV) it seems that in this case it's a reference to an involuntary stay in the psych ward - she's chained up in a bed being made to take pills, however, asylums and prisons are a theme throughout the album as a whole.

In the opening scenes of the video she is dressed up to look like 1920s movie starlet Clara Bow (who is referenced directly as a song title later on the album.) Her hair is pinned up with an extreme number of upside down bobby-pins which on the right side of her head make the roman numeral for 13, and she is wearing a wedding gown.

Clara Bow is known to have engaged in lavender marriages while having secret affairs with women during her stardom. "dropping hairpins" is a piece of historical queer slang, meaning dropping hints that one is queer, and the inverse, having your hair pinned up means that you're pretending to be straight. Hair pins reference back to the lyrics of Right Where You Left Me "Dust collected on my pinned-up hair." I read this scene as "maximum closeting," by force.

The entire room is shown to be upside down and at an angle which reminds me of the classic Emily Dickinson poem "tell all the truth but tell it slant" Given Emily is a favorite poet of TS the Dickinson reference is likely intentional and it's fair to assume that there are red herrings and metaphors in abundance throughout this song and this album. Remember the 'redherring' error code on the website pre-release.

This song and video also reference A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens, which tells the story of a person released from prison who has mental health issues due to being tortured during their prison stay, who is then taken by their family from Paris(!) to London (!!) Book 2 of A Tale of Two Cities is titled "The Golden Thread" which reminds me of Invisible String "one single thread of gold tied me to you," and in the second book we're told the tale of how the golden haired daughter provides financially for her family in addition to repairing and maintaining their good reputation. A Tale of Two Cities feels oh so very appropriate as a touchstone for listening to this album.

"I was a functioning alcoholic" is this metaphorical, literal, or both? Other mentions of use and abuse of drugs and alcohol in her discography include Closure "I'm fine with my spite and my tears and my beers and my candles" Clean "Ten months sober" and Don't Blame Me "My drug is my baby I'll be using for the rest of my life" I think in this case I think it might be both metaphorical and literal. The loss of her love drove her to drink, but also, she was addicted to her illicit love and maybe got away with it until others noticed-?

"All of this to say, I hope you're okay, but you're the reason. And no one here's to blame, but what about your quiet treason?" reminds me again of the song Closure "It wasn't right the way it all went down looks like you know that now. Yes, I got your letter, Yes, I'm doing better. I don't need your closure" It's just as direct, but less aggressive in tone. She hopes her muse is well but they are the reason that she is where she is.

"And for a fortnight there, we were forever

Run into you sometimes, ask about the weather

Now you're in my backyard, turned into good neighbors

Your wife waters flowers

I wanna kill her"

A fortnight is two weeks, though, it may be a metaphorical stand-in here just meaning that for awhile it seemed like they were going to be together forever, but now they are acquaintances who make small talk.

"Now you're in my backyard, turned into good neighbors" reminds me of the ever so quotable line "Good Fences Make Good Neighbours" from Robert Frost's poem Mending Wall, the irony of the poem is that while setting clear boundaries with a wall prevents petty disputes over property lines the constant need to maintain the wall they've built brings the neighbours together to talk. The line is often quoted by people who've never read the poem without heed for the irony. As a reference here it seems very sarcastic - we're good neighbours look how polite and appropriate we are with our boundaries set in stone.

There are many references to gardens and flowers in the TS back catalogue but for me this in particular recalls the lyrics from Clean "The drought was the very worst. When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst." and this line translates to me as I hate your partner because they're growing a relationship/family with you, whereas ours is dead.

The MV shows TS wiping her face to reveal tattoos that almost match those of Post Malone who plays the part of love interest in the MV. The differences are the addition of two tattoos that spell out DDP, an extra heart, and a change from a playboy bunny to what looks like a diamond. The tattoos seem to have been covered with make-up while she was chained up in the asylum, and they disappear as soon as she steps out into the other room - only to reappear onto the face of Post Malone. I don't have any theories about what DDP stands for I would love to hear other peoples. Seeing TS with secret tattoos reminds me of Dress, "made your mark on me a golden tattoo." another song about secret love.

"All my mornings are Mondays stuck in an endless February

I took the miracle move-on drug, the effects were temporary"

Mondays being the most notoriously hated day of the week because it's the start of the work week for many people, and Feb being post-celebration winter in the northern hemisphere, I read this as - all I do is work I'm stuck in a bleak winter that won't end. I've tried every option available to get over you but it didn't work.

When she enters the writers room she's wearing a mourning dress, which could lend another layer i.e. all my mournings are mondays i.e. all of my break-ups are work/business.

The whole video is in black and white except for the sparks that fly off the pages into the air between their desks, and the fire once she sets things ablaze.

"And I love you, it's ruining my life

I love you, it's ruining my life

I touched you for only a fortnight

I touched you

But I touched you"

This is pretty direct but in context I read it as - I'm still in love with you, I feel stuck, I can't move on and my public image won't let me let you in, we may have only been together for a short time but we were together and I can't/won't forget it.

In the MV there are an endless array of masked figures also in black mourning attire, all with masks and hats sitting at identical desks disappearing into the horizon. Are these the other tortured poets from history, made to mask and hide behind their typewriters in a black and white world?

"And for a fortnight there, we were forever

Run into you sometimes, ask about the weather

Now you're in my backyard, turned into good neighbors

Your wife waters flowers

I wanna kill her

And for a fortnight there, we were together

Run into you sometimes, comment on my sweater

Now you're at the mailbox, turned into good neighbors

My husband is cheating

I wanna kill him"

"My husband is cheating I wanna kill him" This could be literal cheating, however, she is not literally married so maybe that's a hint - maybe he's violating the terms of a contract? After all she's probably not in love with him since she's pining so badly after the muse of this song-? So, why would she still want to murder him? Maybe they were supposed to get lavender-married but he cancelled the wedding and now everything is in upheaval?

She is laying on the ground with PM in the middle of an image of herself made up of pages reading from "The Story of US" book, "So many things that I wish you knew. So many walls up, I can't break through" they seem to be stuck there and then they break free, pages flying in the air, and hold each other laughing. The tattoos are now gone from both faces.

"I love you, it's ruining my life

I love you, it's ruining my life

I touched you for only a fortnight

I touched you

I touched you

I love you, it's ruining my life

I love you, it's ruining my life

I touched you for only a fortnight

I touched you

I touched you"

In the MV she's back in the asylum now, hair undone/pins gone, strapped to a table surrounded by men about to have electro convulsive therapy (ECT) administered, a black dog runs through the frame. The ECG read-out is showing "I love you it's ruining my life" in the read out of her heart beat. One of the panels in the background reads "Master Control." In literature The Black Dog represents depression.

So, when her hair is unpinned she wants to be publicly out as in love with a woman, and the men who surround her and control her and her music deem it inappropriate, they want to 'fix' her. But, when the ECT runs sparks fly, the machinery overloads, she screams, and PM runs over to release her from the table.

"Thought of calling ya, but you won't pick up

Another fortnight lost in America

Move to Florida, buy the car you want

But it won't start up till you touch, touch, touch me"

"Thought of calling ya, but you won't pick up. Another fortnight lost in America" You won't answer my calls so we've lost another fortnight of our lives to the American culture wars - reminds me of Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince and Paris, which are also songs about running away.

They are now outside in a raging storm stuck on top of a mountain with treacherously steep sides, TS sits atop a phone box in a dress that looks like chain-mail, while PM is inside the box making a call begging..

"Move to Florida, buy the car you want but it won't start up till you touch, touch, touch me." TS has said in interview that moving to Florida in this album is a reference to people running away from their mistakes and starting fresh. She's telling the muse to ditch their partner and runaway with her, this ties back to Getaway Car which opens with "It was the best of times, the worst of crimes" which is a direct reference to A Tale of Two Cities which opens "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way".

"Thought of calling ya, but you won't pick up

Another fortnight lost in America

Move to Florida, buy the car you want

But it won't start up till I touch, touch, touch you"

TS is back in the writers room, tearing open the draws, letting the pages fly into the air, crying, then stone faced in her mourning dress while the pages swirl around her burning. It reminds me of Dear Reader "Dear reader, burn all the files desert all your past lives" The version of her in the asylum smashes down the window.

And finally the version of TS on top of the phone box reaches down and holds hands with PM. She's created imagery of herself stuck inside cages, boxes, glass boxes, etc over and over through the years and this is the first time we've seen her outside and making contact with another human.

Conclusion: our protagonist has been held by force in the image of a virginal heterosexual bride, going slowly insane while she pretends that the woman she truly loves is just a friend, and she's now completely fed up and her bearding situation has gone to hell, she's asking her love to runaway with her and she's willing to metaphorically set fire to her history/her body of work to be with the one she loves.

[attic-club-sandwich]

Summary: MC wakes one night to a familiar problem. Someone else is also awake at that hour and he comes to comfort them. A short drabble about MC getting their period for the first time since regaining their human form in the Devildom

Satan x afab!MC

CW: MC has a vagina and menstruates. Period content. Blood Mentions.

A/N: It's been a hot min since i've posted a part to this series, but I went about a different approach. I hope you like it! I actually really like writing for Satan. Feel free to request if you want to see someone specific! I am just going in order of the brothers otherwise. (besides mammon he was the first one I wrote for lol)

Part 1: Mammon

Part 2: Lucifer

Part 3: Leviathan

Only Human

You began to stir awake, an uneasy feeling settling in your stomach. You recognized this feeling, but it’s been awhile since you’ve had to come face to face with it. For the first half of your stay in the Devildom you were trapped in the body of a small sheep, so the issue of your period was not a concern…until now. As a wave of cramps came over you, you winced and checked the time on your D.D.D. It was only 3am, and you knew there was no way you could get back to sleep in this state.

You sat up slowly, blinking the sleep from your eyes and decided to head to the bathroom. Thankfully your room had one connected so you didn’t have to share one with all 7 of the brothers. However, you were unsure if there were any much needed painkillers in the cabinet of your bathroom. You stumbled out of bed, pulling on a pair of sweatpants in the process and made your way into the bathroom. You searched through the cabinet, desperate to find at least one pad or tampon that might last you through the rest of the night, however there were none to be found. You groaned, hoping there were at least any kind of painkillers only to be met with neither of those as well. Not even a damned ibuprofen… you thought. 

Another wave of cramps hit you as you exited the bathroom. You winced again, grabbing one of your blankets and wrapping it around your shoulders. “I guess I’ll go raid the boys’ bathroom.” you thought, dreadfully. You figured there wouldn’t be a hygiene product in sight, but there would at least hopefully be medicine you could take to rid yourself of the cramps. You gently creaked open your door and made your way down the hall. You tried to be as quiet as possible, not wanting to wake any of the brothers and alert them of your issue. As soon as you reached the bathroom, you stepped in and locked the door behind you. You began to rummage through the cabinets, but unfortunately there was not a single bottle of medicine remaining. You let out an exasperated sigh as you headed back to your room, accidentally shutting your door harder than you meant to. You sat back down on your bed, contemplating on what to do next. You heard your D.D.D go off on your nightstand beside you. 

MC, I heard you up. Are you alright?

You glanced at the message and to your surprise, it was Satan. What is he doing up? You reached for your phone and typed out your reply. 

You wouldn’t happen to have any pain medicine would you? Also what are you doing up this late?

….

….

Your phone dinged again.

Yes I do, why? Want me to bring some by? Are you okay?

I was just finishing up some studying.

You rolled your eyes, but couldn't help yourself from smiling. Satan was so dedicated to his studies and you truly admired him for it, but you wished he wouldn’t stay up so late. As you began to type out your reply, you heard a soft knock at your door. 

“MC? Can I come in? I brought you those pain meds.” 

You hopped up from your bed in a panic, he was already here?! I guess his room is only two doors down from mine though, you thought. “Y-Yeah, one second!” you squeaked as you stumbled to the door. You cracked it open and Satan’s emerald eyes were staring back at you. “Hi.” he smiled softly. His smile was contagious, and you almost forgot about the dull cramps in your abdomen. “May I enter?” his voice interrupted your thoughts. “O-oh, yes of course!” you said, stepping out of the way. You hugged your blanket tighter around your shoulders as you thought about how to explain your situation to the Avatar of Wrath. You watched as he stepped cautiously into your room, not wanting to invade your space too much. It had only been a couple of months since you took on your human form again and he was still somewhat shy around you. Finally, he spoke. “Not to be weird or anything but…I smell blood. Did something happen?” he said, his voice soft but full of concern. Your face immediately went hot. “I-I um…wait, you can smell it?” you said, embarrassed. Satan nodded and took a step closer to you. “What happened?” The floor was suddenly very interesting to you as you kept your gaze lowered. “I um…well…” you began. Your heart was pounding. “I got my period…and I have really bad cramps, hence the medicine…” your cheeks were burning now, and you peered up to see Satan with his arms crossed over his chest. “That’s all?” he said, clearly unbothered. “W-What do you mean?” you said, fidgeting with your blanket. Satan chuckled as he placed his hand on your hot cheek. “There’s no need to be embarrassed, love. Menstruation is a 100% natural thing for humans.” you blinked at him. “You mean that you…” “...Understand what that means? Of course, I studied up on human anatomy before you arrived.” he said, his face finally turning a shade of pink. You couldn’t help but to snicker. That was so like him, you thought to yourself. He’s so cute. 

“A-Anyways, do you need anything else? Pads? Tampons?” he asked. You nodded graciously. “Y-Yes please. I really need some products, I didn’t exactly come prepared to the Devildom…” you said sheepishly as you glanced back down to your feet. Satan reached out his hand and lifted your chin. “MC, it’s okay I promise.” he planted a soft kiss on your forehead. “I’ll go to the nearby DevilMart, they are open 24/7. In the meantime, take your medicine and lay back down okay?” You nodded, and took your hand in his. “But haven’t you been up all night already? You really should get some sleep…” Satan shook his head as he led you back to your bed. “I won’t be able to sleep while I'm worrying about you.” Your cheeks flushed once more, but for an entirely different reason. “T-Thank you. I really appreciate it, Satan…” The 4th born pulled your covers up over you and tucked you back into bed. “Of course, it’s really no problem. I’m here to take care of you now.”

[littletealseal]

Hey everyone, I kinda dropped off again didn't I? Yeah I'm really sorry about that.. I'm realizing I tend to go through different phases of doing certain things and forget to let others know >>;;

Well I'm hopefully gonna try getting back into things or at least get through my huge backlog of reblog going things for my queue. I've been talking a lot with family and my gf on my regression and I think we're making a good breakthrough on me being more comfortable on using my gear around them all <:3 since before... stuff that I won't get into happened awhile back that made me not use my stuff as much as I wanted too. But! That's in the past and I want to try getting back into using my gear again ^^

I'm going to update now where I've been, mental stuff ofc always is an issue but not everything has been bad! My gf and I have been playing through every single mainline Pokémon game! So far we're now playing through PKMN colosseum and we're both having a blast playing through it c: I diiiiid try to shiny hunt the Dunsparce but learned to try to do it later ^^; plus my old GameCube started acting up.. so that was scary. I took it apart and gave it new thermal pads and cleaned it, that was very easy! Turns out it was my old controller causing the problems <XD well at least I refreshed my old GC c:

We completed the remake of Paper Mario The Thousand Year Door and LOVED IT SO MUCH 💙 I seriously forgot how much I love Paper Mario as a whole and DOOPLISS OMG DOOPLISS 💙💙💙 I used to love him a lot as a young teen and maaaaan he was wonderful in this remake!! His lil voice was perfect for how precious he is 🥹 He is literally so baby... ofc I say this without referring to anything agere related buuuuut then my baby brain got to working and I'm regressing with him now lmao. I always saw him being young mentally, like around 15 while his bio age is a mystery ( idk how Dooplighosts age ) and since he partners up with Flurrie in the end I see after a few years of being acting partners and them bonding, I see Flurrie being a mother like figure for Doopliss, and being a semi cg to him when regressed c: I'll talk more about this in another post

I'm going to try drawing again and get back into that small series I started where I draw all the cookies I see as regressors, as well as get to alot of other ideas I have. Other than that I'm mostly doing alright? Just trying to get by each day but thankfully my wonderful girlfriend and mom have been helping me a lot <:3

Hopefully soon things can change here and become active again.. but until then I'll hope to see you guys again later c:

Thank you for reading

[not-wholly-unheroic]

Oh, almost forgot)): 31 and 41, s'il te plaît ;)

31. When do they feel the most guilt? How do they respond to it?

Post-redemption arc, there are a good many things that Hook regrets in his life and wishes he could take back. More than once, someone he cares about has been hurt by someone/something from his past…whether it’s the emotional pain of finding out the truth of something awful he did long ago and not quite being able to see him the same way anymore or physically getting hurt by someone he once wronged seeking revenge or the crocodile, it all makes him feel extremely guilty. Often, he has nightmares of his past life that he wakes from screaming and drenched in a cold sweat, checking his hand (and the claw if he forgot to remove it) for blood and begging for forgiveness. Sometimes the dreams are actual memories of the Lost Boys he killed or tortured; other times, they start out as a memory but the scene shifts and at the last minute, the face of the boy will morph into the face of his own child or a currently living Lost Boy or Pan with whom he has made amends. Those are some of the most horrifying dreams of all. Although historically, only the sight of his own blood has bothered him, the dreams of extreme violence now often leave him feeling physically ill. Talking about it sometimes helps, but just initially putting it into words and admitting it out loud is hard. It makes everything seem more real. So he frequently writes letters or journal entries expressing his feelings. He also has a sketchbook where he sometimes draws the scenes from dreams (or memories) that he can’t get out of his head. It’s…cathartic, in a way.

Because of his past violence, he also feels guilty (and even a little afraid of himself) whenever he feels his temper start to get the better of him. He has generally learned the “warning signs” and will step away from a situation before he blows up or lashes out. But he’s still figuring out how to safely let that anger out in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone or make him feel…wrong. Strenuous physical activity helps, but many of his preferred methods of exercise (like swordplay) aren’t really conducive to safe expressions of anger. So he frequently just hides out for awhile and feels guilty about it until the feelings of anger/frustration pass. Not the best solution, but better than hurting someone he loves.

41. What phrases/pronunciations/mannerisms did they pick up from someone/somewhere else?

Hook has been around for a looooong time and traveled to many places, so he’s had plenty of chances to integrate aspects of others into his own language, personality, and habits. As a boy at Eton, he had a teacher he admired who was also a great Shakespearean actor who rolled his r’s when on stage, and he quickly picked up the habit for when he wanted to sound particularly proper and posh.

He’s picked up a few phrases over the years that are technically anachronistic for someone from his time period—notably, “Great Scott!” Though he was trapped on Neverland for centuries, he occasionally was lucky enough to have a window to the outside world through various items that washed ashore on the Outer Islands where lost things wind up. If he was extremely lucky, sometimes, he’d find a book. Given the rarity of such items on the island, he often found himself rereading whatever he came across rather frequently and inevitably, some of the phrases and words started creeping into his own vocabulary.

He picked up the habit of smoking while in the Caribbean before his time in Neverland. A ship he plundered happened to be carrying a rather large stash of tobacco products, and though initially, he tried some merely out of curiosity and the fact that it seemed popular among men of means…but he quickly discovered that it calmed his nerves and helped him relax. He initially smoked only socially…but over time, especially after the added stress of the crocodile, he found that it had become more of an addiction.

I may think of others later, but these are a few off the top of my head.

[shinycollarboneapologist]

hiiiii, just read style and illicit affairs and i freaking loved them both so much!!!!<3 i just saw the post saying that you were taking requests so i thought i’d give it a shot even tho i never send asks bc i get so nervous hdjdjsjd so could u pretty please write something inspired by good ones by charli xcx with matty or ross? im currently obsessed with it and i love ur writing style and how u incorporate the lyrics without making it cheesy :) could be a little blurb or social media au or even just a little list with thoughts 💭 wtvr u decide i’ll keep an eye out for your next fic whatever it’ll be 💖

AHHH ofc. also tysm bby, i love and appreciate you so so so so much.

he was great. really and truly was. he couldn't have treated you or loved you any better than he did. ross was a proper gentleman. he was loyal, and sweet. he would remember odds and ends of things you said in conversation, bringing them up later on to prove that he was really listening.

like that time you mentioned how you loved chocolate croissants. and coincidentally, each time you stayed over his the next morning there would be fresh chocolate croissants waiting for you on the kitchen island.

but it left much to be desired. you didn't know what was wrong with you. he was perfect. he is perfect.

the breakup was hard. and maybe that's why you had to make up convoluted stories to yourself, twisting a web of lies in your psyche that would lessen the ache of abandoning one of the best relationships you had been in. in these stories, sometimes he was the rude boyfriend that never wanted to do anything with you. other times, he was just the one that was better at leaving than you. your friends, most of which were also his, were shocked at the fact that you had called it quits. they thought he would have been the one to break the curse.

you had thought that, too. until the grass on the other side shone greener and grew taller than the comfort of the walls you and ross had created as a home for yourselves. you remember the way he sat across from you, arms crossed defensively and staring you down indignantly. it had come out of nowhere. you had grown distant, short with him. and then it was over.

he never really let you go, though. he would shoot you a happy birthday text, wished you well on all of the major holidays, asked about your friends and family, told you about the successes of the band. and it was nice. you kept him close, too, wishing him luck with the band, asking for music recommendations, making light conversation every once and awhile. all while trying to navigate dating again.

you'd picked some real winners. there was the guy with the monster truck who conveniently forgot to tell you he was married with a kid on the way. how could you manage to forget about the one with the weird obsession with sour cream? or the one with the rat tail pony tail? they made for good stories to tell, but there was something lacking.

and that something was ross, no matter how hard you tried to deny it.

your circles remained intertwined. which is the reason you find yourself sat on a barstool of a rented out local pub for matty's birthday.

there's an emptiness in your chest. a hole making you feel hollow as you watch ross lead his new girlfriend into the bar. he's probably telling her all of his stupid jokes, and she's probably laughing along and mirroring the glint behind his eyes. there's a fire burning deep within your chest, jealousy is rampant in your veins. you chose this though, and now you have to live with it. his eyes catch yours and he offers you a small smile and a wave, which you have to return in civility. but it still hurts. you still ache.

the grass would never be greener on the other side. instead it proved to be browned and dead, with no sign of life coming from it. no amount of watering or tears for that matter could save it. and as he's bringing her around the bar to say hello, you're perched on the barstool waiting for a text back. because if there's one thing about you, you always manage to let the good ones go.

[wolverineblues]

ah so, i forgot i like to make a post showing my most listened to albums of the year! im actually not sure i even made one for 2022? anyway.

i think its neat to see how my listening habits vary from year to year. so here's my top 10 listened albums/eps from 2023! according to my last fm stats.

i got really into hardcore music this past year, but mostly the newer big bands atm. i'll have to explore some classic hardcore this year!

1. Merauder - Master Killer one of those bands/albums i had been aware of for awhile but never really checked out until now. great bridge between metal and hardcore favorite track: Master Killer 2. Twitching Tongues - Gaining Purpose Through Passionate Hatred speaking of bridging metal and hardcore! this feels more hardcore-influenced metal to me as opposed to metal-influenced hardcore. good stuff either way. favorite track: Gaining Purpose 3. Abominable Iron Sloth - Abominable Iron Sloth really angry sounding sludge.. rarely have i heard anything full of such rage. i absolutely love this album. favorite track: I Am The Carcass 4. Fleshwater - We're Not Here to Be Loved incredible album bringing back some 90s grunge sounds with modern metal and shoegaze influences. favorite track: The Razor's Apple 5. Mongrel - Off The Leash (EP) been awhile since a 3 song demo excited me! incredible death metal leaning hardcore. cant wait to see what these guys do next. favorite track: Dog Complex 6. Judiciary - Flesh + Blood different yet similar approach from the band on this new album. less crossover thrash, more metallic hardcore, in a good way! favorite track: Engulfed 7. Fuming Mouth - The Grand Descent one of my favorites from 2019 that i revisted this past year. THIS is what we should be calling deathcore, not whatever its thought of as today. death metal and hardcore perfectly mixed. some slight doom and sludge tendencies thrown in for good measure too. favorite track: Burning Hand 8. Twitching Tongues - In Love There Is No Law thought of as their best by many and i see why! it's a journey from start to finish. it perfectly displays the band's range in under 40 minutes. favorite track: Preacher Man 9. Harms Way - Common Suffering kind of different from what i'd normally like but it's cool! very Sepultura and industrial influenced. some Neurosis coming out too? it's all over in a good way. love when bands try to step out of their comfort zone a bit and nail it. favorite track: Wanderer 10. Bleed - Somebody's Closer (EP) reminds me so much of what i would listen to in my early double digits. Chevelle, 10 Years, Crossfade, Evans Blue, etc... in a bit of a similar vein to Fleshwater where they're bringing back some of the best of 90s/early 2000s rock. favorite track: Burnt (By the Sun)

normally i like to tag people too, but since its already April, i won't be doing that lol

[ripplestitchskein]

Hi I hope it’s okay to ask you this. I was wondering if you would share what you had planned for the ending of Whether We Wake or Sleep. Not in like a nagging way just because it’s one of my favorite fanfics and I’m curious about how you were going to end it. Anything you’re comfortable sharing I’d love to hear. Thank you!

Omfg Nonnie I’m so sorry I didn’t see this message until now checking another message. I feel so fucking bad, I hope you are still out there!

Im torn because I don’t want to leave people hanging on it, it’s been so many years and I want to finish it but my brain has moved so far beyond that place I’m not sure I could even do it anymore. The characters voices might not be in my head anymore. But I still kinda wanna try. I loved it so much and it was such a huge part of my life and I didn’t get even to the scene that started it all 😭.

But you have been beautifully patient so I’ll share what I had so far, and who knows maybe I’ll take some time soon to finish it up! I hate leaving it unfinished, it was one of my favorite stories. I doubt I’ll finish my other OUAT WIPs but this one was super special to me. We were just a few chapters away and I still know everything I wanted to do.

I’m going to post the last scene of Chapter 9 and what I had so far for Chapter 10 below as a gift for your lovely feedback and being so patient, but based on other messages it was awhile ago. I’ll see what I can do about wrapping this story up. Please forgive me 🙏🏻.

The Chapter 10 snippet (it’s only a few hundreds words) comes after the *********.

~~~~~~~~~

Graham.

He looked exactly as she remembered him. The light curl of his hair. The dusting of stubble along his jaw. The way he stood, sure of himself but apart from the world. It was like being hit by a wave, a swift rush of emotion and awe jolting her physically just seeing him again, pulled into the undertow. For a moment she forgot herself, staring openly across the tavern at this walking ghost, at a relic from the past. Killian nudged her with his arm, and she turned back, ducking into the safety of her hood, her heart beating a rapid tattoo in her ears. They were well hidden in the shadows of the corner, but Graham was not alone, flanked on either side by two bored looking Black Knights acting as escort.

“I’ll take that as a yes, shall I?” Killian muttered. He downed the foul ale in one long gulp. It was his third.He had been surly, his face dark and shadowed, since he had returned to their room the previous evening. He had lain next to her in their shared bed without argument this time, turning his back to her without a word, though if he actually slept she couldn’t tell. He’d had no nightmares this time, his breathing steady next to her the entire night. She couldn’t blame him, she understood completely, her own nerves raw and frayed, anxiety pooling in her stomach. You never realized how long the night was when you had to wait for it to pass.

“Yes,” Emma whispered, sneaking another glance. “That’s him.” He was still at the bar, his face solemn and expressionless, but polite, collecting a handful of coins from the innkeeper with a nod.

“Alright then.” Killian put the empty tankard down with a bit more force than necessary. “I’ll distract the guards, see if you can get his attention.” He rose.

“Don’t,” Emma said, panicking. She reached out, grabbing his hand. “Wha-What do I do?”

The smirk he gave her was more of a forced sneer than anything, a flash of teeth, as he pulled his hand away. A fresh stab of hurt had her wincing as he backed away from her like she had burned him.

“I’m sure you’ll think of something Swan,” he said with that horrible false sort of cheer that only made it worse. “It’s True Love!” It was like he had slapped her. Another physical blow of pain that rocked her where she sat.

Killian turned on his heel and crossed the bar. Emma watched him anxiously, torn, and unsure of what to do. She didn’t want this. It hurt too much. She didn’t want to see Graham. But she desperately wanted to see him again at the same time. She didn’t want to cause Killian pain but this plan left her little choice in the matter. This wasn’t right. To be fucked with by some higher unknown destiny this way.

Graham had turned away, walking towards the door. He was leaving. She was about to miss her chance.

“Your story,” Emma whispered to herself. “It’s your story.” She was a bounty hunter. She had been through similar scenarios before. If she couldn’t sort out her own feelings she could at least do that. Pretend he was just like any other skip. This was just another job. Someone she needed to capture.

She leapt to her feet, just as Killian threw himself bodily into another man, at another table, sending half full cups of alcohol and bowls of the same greasy stew from the day before to the floor. Killian gave a slurred apology, playing the drunk with practiced ease, and clumsily went to pick up the discarded dishes, only to drop them again. The man he’d fallen into bellowed in outrage, cursing him and the Black Knights turned at the commotion, amused at the drunken lout. One stepped forward with a good natured chuckle to break it up.

Emma slipped past, her eyes trained on the floor, head turned to the side. She focused on the pair of soft brown boots that were leaving the tavern, apparently not interested in drunken bar fights. She increased her speed, the sunlight bright as she followed him out into square.

Graham was just ahead of her, apparently having no issue leaving his men behind as he moved to tuck away the small purse of gold he’d taken from the bar keep. Emma picked up her pace. And rammed right into his back.

The purse fell to the ground, tiny discs of gold rolling out of it into the dirt.

“Oh gosh,” Emma exclaimed, her voice high and breathless. “I didn’t see you there I am so sorry.” She followed him down to her knees. “Let me help you sir.”

“No, no need. I got it.”

Emma’s breath caught at the sound of that voice. So familiar. The accent thick, not friendly but not angry either. Resigned. She looked up, her mouth dry as she finally took him in fully. His eyes were not the same, she thought. Less open. Duller somehow. He glanced at her briefly as he gathered the coins. “Be a bit more careful, eh?” He said.

Her heart sank a bit. There was no flash of recognition. No grand romantic spark. No bolt of lightning. Just an act of clumsiness and a polite dismissal. Emma checked that off mentally. Made note of it. She wasn’t one prone to romanticized notions, so she wasn’t quite sure why, but it seemed important.

“I-I actually wanted to talk to you,” Emma stuttered. He did look at her with interest now, and more than a hint of suspicion.

“Me? What about?” The last of the gold collected he rose to his feet, reaching down to help her up with brusque efficiency. Emma looked at his hand for a long moment and then placed her own inside it.

Nothing. She didn’t know what she’d expected. His hand was warm, the skin roughened softness from labor, but nothing more than that, and gone as soon as she was back on her feet. She made another mental check.

“I-um-I,” Emma cursed herself. She was better than this. “I just, saw you in the bar, and I wanted to introduce myself.” She said finally, lowering her voice in a way she hoped was interested without coming across too strong. She should know this, she thought. She should know him. What he would like, what he wouldn’t. Her mind came up blank.

Graham just stared at her expectantly, more than a bit impatient.

“I’m Mary,” Emma said finally. “Mary Margaret.”

“Nice to meet you Mary Margaret. If you’ll excuse me though, I’ve a lot of stops to make,” he gave his pocket a pat where the coins jingled. “It’s collection day.”

“I know, I know, I just wanted to talk to you,” Emma rushed. She glanced behind her at the tavern entrance, unsure of how much time Killian could buy her.

“About?” Graham asked. His brow furrowed, scanning her face. “I know you-” he said, trying to work out if he actually did, more of a question than an absolute.

Emma’s heart stopped. He knew her. Did that mean-?

“You’re the girl on the poster. The one the Queen is looking for,” Graham’s voice was rising in alarm, his eyes darting back towards the tavern. He reached out, grabbing her arm.

“No,” Emma jerked back. “That’s not-” she pulled harder but Graham was strong. There was a reason he was chosen to be Sheriff. “That’s not what I need to talk to you about. It’s a misunderstanding. A great big misunderstanding, I just need to-” Graham had a good grip now.

“I don’t want to take you in,” He was saying apologetically. “I don’t have a choice. I have to do as she orders.”

“No you don’t,” Emma said, desperate now. This wasn’t going well at all. As far as meet cutes went this was turning into a disaster. “I just need to talk to you.”

“You can talk all you like on the way to the palace,” Graham said. He was pulling her arms behind her back now, fully in arrest mode. Emma couldn’t get them free, boots sliding across the dirt as he dragged her bodily back towards the tavern and the waiting Black Knights. Back to Regina and her dungeon, a burning pyre and the end of this entire horrible journey.

Emma sucked in a deep breath and blurted out the only thing she could think of, the only way she knew of to get his attention. The only way she knew this might work out. Perhaps she could save herself and an innocent man at the same time.

“I want to help you get your heart back.”

********

Graham’s grip loosened in surprise at her words, and Emma used the opportunity to dart away. She didn’t run. She stepped just out of reach, holding her hands up in supplication.

“Yeah, I know about that,” she said. Her feet moved across the packed earth, and they circled each other for a moment. Graham narrowed his eyes in suspicion, but she could see the warring emotion in them, the surprise and the tiny spark of hope that flitted across his face.

“How?” He asked, his voice soft. His hand moved unconsciously up, brushed his chest and dropped again. “How could y’know that?”

“I’ll explain everything,” Emma said. Her gaze darted back to the tavern. “But not here. I want to help you, to-,” she felt her throat constrict. “-to save you. But I can’t do that if you take me in.”

“The Queen-” he tried again, and took a step towards her.

“Never gave you a direct order to capture me,” Emma said following his movement with a step back of her own. It was more a guess than any kind of factual knowledge. She had no idea how far reaching Regina’s control was of his heart. No idea of what he could be made to do. “So you don’t have to do anything. I’m just asking you to hear me out.”

Graham opened his mouth for a moment, considering, and a small flare of triumph rose in her stomach. He frowned, gauging his own reaction, testing his limits. No, she realized. Testing Regina’s limits.

“There is a difference between being a slave and being a puppet,” Emma said. She saw him draw in a sharp breath. “You are still in control, Graham.”

“I am-” he let the thought trail off. “Who are you?” His gaze swept her, and she was almost sad she was hidden behind a glamour. If he could see her would it matter? Would he recognize her even though they had yet to meet? Would he somehow just know her? Connected by something greater than recognition, more powerful than acquaintance, could he see her through all the magic and deception?

“I’m-” Emma had no idea how to respond. “-a friend?” Her hesitation over the word made his expression sharpen with suspicion.

“I can explain it all, I promise.” She darted another glance at the tavern. She could feel her brief window of opportunity slipping away. “I’ll meet you. Firefly Hill, tonight. Midnight.”

That was the place Killian had suggested she tell Graham to meet her. It was a few miles or so away, far enough from the village they would be alone, away from the threat of Black Knights, isolated enough for a private conversation but close enough to reach on foot with relative ease. A neutral ground. A safe place, to do...whatever she needed to do.

Killian couldn’t help his sneer at the time she’d suggested, his eyes colder and further away than she had ever seen them.

“A kiss at midnight,” he had said softly. “How poetic. Just like a fairy story.”

He was building walls. She could recognize that as easily as looking in a mirror. He was shutting himself away. That had almost broken her. Emma shook the thoughts away, determined now as she has been then, and focused on the man in front of her. The man she was supposed to be thinking about.

She might not be able to control anything about this situation, she might not know how she felt about him, but she could at least try to save him. If nothing else, perhaps Graham Humbert or The Huntsman, or whoever he truly was, could live. Perhaps she could right one injustice.

“If you don’t like what I have to say you can bring me to The Queen. I won’t resist.”

Graham just stood there, confused and torn. She took heart that he had made no further move to apprehend her. He rubbed the spot on his chest again and frowned.

“Will you meet me?” She asked, half a whisper, half a plea.

Graham met her eyes full on, and Emma felt a jolt, a twisting in her gut that she couldn’t identify. It was tinged with guilt, with sorrow, and she had to swallow around the lump in her throat. “Please.”

“Aye.” He whispered. “I’ll meet you.”

____

“They really meant the Hill part didn’t they?” Emma groaned, her breathing labored as she crested the last rise of what she was sure was a small mountain. Killian was just ahead of her, already at the top, scouting.

“Alright there, Swan?” He asked, face pinched with concern. His hand went automatically for his satchel and Maleficent's potion within.

“I’m okay,” she wheezed waving him off. “Just not in as good a shape as I thought.”

He took a flask out instead, handing it to her. She eyed it for a second.

“Just water,” he gave her a flash of teeth that could be a smile, all without actually letting his eyes land on her. He had been doing that for hours, looking at her without looking at her. It was maddening and it hurt, but she pushed it away.

Save Graham. The rest could be sorted out later.

[merlinsbudgiesmugglers]

Hey, not sure if your still doing the FMK? If you are I’d like to give the options of:

Kreacher

Amycus Carrow

Peeves

OR….. FMKS ( S for snogging? Sorry, I got a theme going on with these characters and 🐺 🌕)

Greyback

Remus

Bill

Lavender

Also, I wanted to say I love reading your fics so much. They’re always so amazing and the characterization is simply incredible.

And, I saw a snippet that you had written/shared awhile back (forgot the name 😔) it was a scene where Ted tells Andromeda that he understands that she choose someone else and she tells him “that’s not fair”.

That small snippet is very impactful and I loved seeing the raw emotion from both Andromeda and Ted. There was so much heartbreak with those few lines, that even till this day I remember the pain I felt when I read it. Excellent work!!

[also, please don’t feel pressured into sharing more. I know how difficult it can be to have the time and energy in writing. Even if you leave it as a snippet that’s totally fine.]

Just wanted you to know how much I loved reading it and seeing the banner that you made of that fic. 😊 😊

I'm always down for FMK, but that first one is just mean 😂

I've thought long and hard about this...but I have finally decided:

Fuck Peeves - Mostly because I feel like this is the best option out of these three but also a little bit of curiosity

Marry Kreacher - wouldn't mind a husband who catered to my every whim

Kill Carrow - I hope this is self explanatory

For the other one (I'm loving the greyback and his victims theme here)

Fuck Remus

Marry Bill

Snog Lavender

Kill Greyback

That snippet is from my Tedromeda AU that I am slowly slowly working on, I won't post it until it is actually finished because I don't want to start posting and then not finish, but I am happy to post another snippet:

What she wasn’t prepared for was Ted answering the door, only wearing trousers slung low on his hips. There was hair on his chest that hadn’t been there when they were at school, and his shoulders were broader now. A strong vision of him pulling her into his arms and kissing her like he used to flashed through her mind.

‘Andromeda.’ Her eyes snapped to his, an unreadable expression on his face. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘I–’ But whatever she was going to say was cut off by the appearance of a blonde woman walking into Ted’s living room, wearing a man's shirt and leaving little doubt for what, exactly, it was that Andromeda had interrupted.

‘Who’s she?’ The other woman asked in a rough accent, her eyes lingering disdainfully over Andromeda’s robes. A muggle. 

Ted’s eyes never left Andromeda, watching for her reaction. ‘Just a colleague. She’s leaving now, babe.’ 

[the-savage-garden]

Nitpicking ACOWAR Ch 10 +11

I meant to post this awhile ago but I recently returned to the One Piece train that I forgot about this whole thing, oops. I finally figured out how to do the 'keep reading' thing though!

Chapter 10

-Somehow Brannagh is cradling Ianthe now?

-”I let my mask drop.” I hate the mask theme, just the way it’s thrown around bothers me.

-”...noting the flanking positions they were too casually establishing around me.” Now I’m confused about where Brannagh is supposed to be.

-[“What could be more important than assisting us? You are, after all, sworn to assist our king.” Time—biding their time until Tamlin returned from hunting with Jurian.] I hate how the book decided that Tamlin is with Hybern, it’s not built up to him being on their side at all. It’s written like it’s an assured thing now.

-Lucien notices things. What’s the point of this?

-“I am a free person, allowed to go where and when I will it.” “Are you?” Brannagh is asking a question I want to know. Like, is Feyre really free to do what she wants in this book series? Everyone tells her what to do all the time, even Rhys. The only thing Feyre has actually chosen is to go back to Spring and have her revenge on Tamlin (even though Tamlin legitimately thought she was in danger and it’s not been brought up even once).

-“Such careful plotting these weeks, such skilled maneuvering. You didn’t seem to worry that we’d be doing the same.” I was honestly really confused why Feyre was just ignoring the twins so much, her priorities made no sense to me.

-”They weren’t letting Lucien leave this clearing alive. Or at least with his mind intact.” Why do they care about Lucien? He hasn’t been against them, for all they know only Feyre sent the Bogge after them.

-”...understanding that there was no way they’d reveal this without knowing they’d get away with it.“ But everyone knows that Hybern is evil, how would anyone be surprised by this? Even Tamlin thinks they’re the bad guys! Do the twins not know? There has been no indication that anyone from Hybern is good.

-[“Take the Spring Court,” I said, and meant it. “It’s going to fall one way or another.” Lucien snarled. I ignored him.] Even Lucien here still cares for Spring.

-[“Oh, we intend to,” Brannagh said…] It was very clear that Hybern was going to take down Spring, I don’t know why the book doesn’t let Tamlin see it.

-”I thumbed free two of the Illyrian fighting knives.” Is this the only reason Feyre stole the weapons from Tamlin, to use them in this fight? Ugh.

-“Haven’t you wondered at the headaches? How things seem a little muffled on certain mental bonds?” This is the explanation? I thought it was because Feyre is still new to her powers, this is disappointing.

-”Crushed faebane stone, ground so fine you couldn’t see or scent or taste it in your food.” Can you even smell or taste faebane?

-“We’ve been daemati for a thousand years, girl,” Dagdan sneered. “But we didn’t even need to slip into her mind to get her to do our bidding. But you … what a valiant effort you put up, trying to shield them all from us.” The book makes this too convenient, Feyre knew they were daemati but was naive enough to believe they wouldn’t do anything against her? I know she’s young but seriously?

-”Dagdan’s mind speared for Lucien’s, a dark arrow shot between them.” Weird way to describe their magic, I don’t even know what I’m supposed to imagine with mind powers.

-“What apple,” I bit out. “The one you shoved down your throat an hour ago,” Brannagh said. “Grown and tended in the king’s personal garden, fed a steady diet of water laced with faebane. Enough to knock out your powers for a few days straight, no shackles required. And here you are, thinking no one had noticed you planned to vanish today.” She clicked her tongue again. “Our uncle would be most displeased if we allowed that to happen.” What did I just read? I hate how easy things are. Also, wait, an apple tree was given faebane and it somehow makes the apples have it too?

-”...but then I’d abandon Lucien to them if he somehow couldn’t manage to himself with the faebane in his system from the food at the camp—” What kind of leap in logic is this? All the food at camp was laced with faebane too? So wouldn’t Tamlin be under the effects of it too?

-”Leave him. I should and could leave him. “ Was this why their supposed friendship was brought up so much? To add drama to this moment?

“I made my choice.” ACOMAF made me hate the whole “my choice” thing and being reminded of it is giving me trauma.

-”And even a thousand years wasn’t enough for Dagdan to adequately prepare as I winnowed in front of him and struck.” Feyre went from being out of her depth to competent real fast.

-”I sliced through the front of his leather armor, not deep enough to kill, and as steel snagged on its plates…” Is it leather armor or not? Because plates refer to metal armor I’m pretty sure.

-”...months of Cassian’s brutal training clicked into place as I kept my feet under me.” This makes it obvious how inexperienced Feyre is but somehow she’s able to go toe-to-toe with a Hybern prince and commander? She also has faebane in her system, she should be struggling more in this fight.

-”I had the vague sense of Lucien gaping, even Brannagh taken aback by my show of skill against her brother.” I’m losing my mind.

-”Buying time. Wearing me down until my body fully absorbed that apple and its power rendered me nearly mortal.” Earlier when Feyre shielded Lucien she struggled but now the book is saying that she hasn’t fully absorbed the faebane? But they’ve been giving her faebane since their stay? Make up your mind.

-”Brannagh screamed as a wall of flame slammed into her.” Apparently Feyre did this and not Lucien?

-”Her focus wholly on me, on taking from me the beauty I’d burned from her…” Why is everything so focused on losing beauty? Someone’s vain…

-”Until Lucien’s sword refracted the light of the sun leaking through the canopy.” It’s day? This whole thing is happening in broad daylight? How has no one noticed this?

-”A tremor shuddered through the clearing—like some thread between the twins had been snipped as Brannagh’s dark head thudded onto the grass.” Wait, is this supposed to imply that the twins are soulmates? What the hell? I thought soulmates in this world are supposed to be making powerful offspring but if they’re related doesn’t that defeat the purpose?

-”I let him fall atop his sister, the thud of flesh on flesh the only sound.” Ew, why’d you put focus on that?

-”I merely looked at Ianthe, my power guttering, a hideous ache building in my gut, and made my last command, amending my earlier ones.” I forgot Ianthe was still here. Also faebane seems kind of useless since Feyre can still do this.

-“You tell them I killed them. In self-defense. After they hurt me so badly while you and Tamlin did nothing. Even when they torture you for the truth, you say that I fled after I killed them—to save this court from their horrors.” I want to keep this in mind for the future.

-Lucien says he wants to go with Feyre to the Night Court. But, like, the only reason he does is obviously because of Elain and not for any other reason.

-”I just gritted my teeth against the sharp pain in my abdomen…” Faebane apparently makes the abdomen hurt if it’s consumed.

-”Blood coated the inside of my mouth by the time we reached the foothills hours later. I was panting, my head throbbing, my stomach a twisting knot of aching.” The other effects of consuming faebane.

-“It’s—gone,” he said, gasping for breath. “My magic—not an ember. They must have dosed all of us today.” I’m still a little lost with what faebane does.

-”My power pulled away from me like a wave reeling back from the shore. Only there was no return. It just went farther and farther out into a sea of nothing.” Both Feyre and Lucien describe losing their magic differently.

-”I peered at the sun, now a hand’s width above the horizon…” I take it that it’s noon now then? Why mention hours but don’t say noon?

-”The caves—doors, they called them—in those hollows led to other pockets of Prythian. I’d taken one straight Under the Mountain… No door to the Night Court existed…” I guess this is to explain why that one led to UTM, I guess they’re magic “doors” to places?

-”And I would not risk my friends by bringing them here to retrieve me.” Even though you’ve killed the twins already? This is just an excuse to have Feyre and Lucien by themselves isn’t it?

-”A numbness had spread through me.” Is it the faebane or not feeling the mate bond? It’s not clear.

-“The Autumn Court portal is that way.” Now we’re calling them portals instead of doors?

-“I can’t go into Summer. They’ll kill me on sight.” I’d love to see the consequences of what Feyre did to Summer. Like, she only decided to steal from them because Rhys kept guiding her to make that choice instead of making friends with Summer.

-”We sealed off all the other entrances.” Why seal all the entrances up? And whose “we” in all this? I think it’s all the entrances to UTM but I thought there was only one?

-”A faint buzzing and ringing filled my ears. And I felt my magic vanish entirely.” Another symptom of faebane?

-”To the lands of the family who’d betrayed him as badly as this court had betrayed mine.” A single person (Ianthe) was the only one that betrayed you Feyre, everyone else didn’t do anything. Tamlin’s character was inconsistent and still is.

-”I gave him another nod. I’d slid into their minds before we’d left, making sure this door would be left open.” Feyre’s lucky that Hybern didn’t find this the perfect opportunity to use this against you. Where even is the King in all this?

-”...whether it was better to claim the Spring Court for ourselves, or to let it fall to our enemies.” What the hell? Feyre, you can’t just claim Spring like that, that’s not how it works.

-”But it could not remain neutral—a barrier between our forces in the North and the humans in the South. It would have been easy to call in Rhys and Cassian, to have the latter bring in an Illyrian legion to claim the territory when it was weakest after my own maneuverings. Depending on how much mobility Cassian had retained—if he was still healing.” Now it’s just getting worse. Feyre is completely ignoring the whole High Lord thing. Also why hasn’t this happened in the past if Feyre finds it so “easy”?

-”Yet then we’d hold one territory—with five other courts between us. Sympathy might have swayed for the Spring Court; others might have joined Hybern against us, considering our conquest here proof of our wickedness. But if Spring fell to Hybern … We could rally the other courts to us. Charge as one from the North, drawing Hybern in close.” This whole thing, what the hell?

-[“You were right,” Lucien declared at last. “That girl I knew did die Under the Mountain.” I wasn’t sure if it was an insult. But I nodded all the same. “At least we can agree on that.” I stepped into the awaiting cold and dark.] I blame Rhys.

-”And in the distance, so faint I thought I might have imagined it, a beast’s roar cleaved the land.” I’m still confused by Tamlin.

Chapter 11

-Feyre describes the Autumn Court.

-Autumn didn’t post sentries at the “door” and Feyre can’t use her magic to search for Fae.

-”...the risk of revealing our scheming to find me.” So it’s “our scheme” now? Was Feyre actually doing things on her own or not?

-”But my magic was still and frozen. A crutch I’d become too reliant upon.” Since when has Feyre been that reliant on magic? She only recently started using it. Like, if this was the thought process of someone that used magic for years I wouldn’t think much of this but it’s not, it’s for someone that’s quite green. Not to say that Feyre can’t hold her own, I just expect her to be more inexperienced in the story.

-Mentions of time passing to night, I think.

-”...I knew only our need for stealth kept his simmering questions at bay.” Why do they need to sneak through a forest? Other than mentioning no sentries, what’s the point of this?

-They go into another cave, with a makeshift camp there already.

-”...three bedrolls and old blankets…” Why three?

-Lucien mentions he used to stay in this cave before he left Autumn.

-Lucien and Feyre talk.

-”...My friend at the Dawn Court has the same power—her light is identical…” I thought it was the Dawn High Lord’s power (who’s male)?

-“I didn’t tell him for two reasons. One, it felt like kicking a male already down. I couldn’t take that hope away from him.” I rolled my eyes. “Two,” he snapped, “I knew if I was correct and called you on it, you’d find a way to make sure I never saw her.” So… Lucien still cares about Tamlin? Also, the soulmate thing gets brought up again, that seems to be his only motivation now.

-“And that’s why you’re here. Not because it’s right and he’s always been wrong, but just so you can get what you think you’re owed.” Feyre gets mad at Lucien for not being angry at Tamlin. I also hate this whole bullshit about ownership being thrown around in this story, it became a thing in the 2nd book too.

-Lucien still thinks the Night Court are enemies.

-Feyre gets mad at Lucien for not believing her that Elain is safe, which yeah, they’re sisters, shouldn’t he understand that?

-Lucien questions if Feyre wanted to spare him from her path of destruction because of what it would do to Elain. They sure are friends, huh?

-Lucien continues to question Feyre, asks her if she wanted to kill Tamlin, yada yada.

-Feyre gets tired of debating with Lucien over her choices and tells him to drop it. It makes me wonder if this is to say Feyre regrets her actions now, or SJM doesn’t feel like going deeper into Feyre’s feelings on this whole thing.

-[“My father will hunt you for taking his power if he finds out,” he said into the frigid dark. “And kill you for learning how to wield it.” “He can get in line,” was all I said.] Giving me deja vu again.

-The next morning Feyre and Lucien argue on where to go next. Feyre wants to go north right through where, I guess the direction of Autumn's capital is, but Lucien wants to go either east where the Summer border is or west but Feyre thinks that route will take too long for some reason. Feyre for some reason thinks she can go through Autumn unseen, this is a dumb plan, west should’ve been the better option.

-Feyre dumps her food out because she thinks it’s laced with faebane.

-Feyre gawks at Autumn and admires Lucien, they go fishing. I still don’t know why they’re still being sneaky in the middle of nowhere though.

-They hiked for 5 days, somehow during the 3rd day they went through the Autumn’s capital without any incident.

-Apparently Autumn’s place is called the Forest House. I guess this is the reason why we're here, so SJM can explain the “worldbuilding” of Autumn. Anyway, the House is large and covered in moss.

-Somehow with all this time that’s passed they’re still affected by the faebane. I guess faebane can also affect mate bonds too.

-”...an apple tree, laden with fat, succulent fruit.” I know fat can be used as a synonym for large but this is a weird way to use it.

-”...the bees gorging themselves on fallen apples.” Bees don’t eat like that?

-”After what the Hybern royals had done, I should have sworn off apples forever, but hunger had always blurred lines for me. “ This doesn’t come up much with Feyre’s character but I like the idea of Feyre forgetting herself when she’s hungry.

-“We’ll have to stay out of sight. My father doesn’t pay well for his crops, and the land-workers will earn any extra coin they can.” Beron’s an idiot then, unless he’s getting other food from trade, he should only be reliant on food from local farmers. I’m not an expert on this though.

-”I was able to study for longer than my father allowed my brothers before shoving them out the door to rule over some territory within our lands…” Keeping note of this.

-“I’d say that sounds more High-Lord-like than the life of an idle, unwanted son.” I don’t even know what the High Lords do for this to make sense.

-“Would you want it—your father’s crown?” I thought magic chooses the High Lord, how would someone even be able to get it any other way?

-”...I’d gain a crown—only to rule over a crafty, two-faced people.” This contradicts what was stated earlier, of Lucien learning about his people, at least that’s what I think.

-“But you never answered my question—about why the people here would sell you out.”  Why is there no question mark in this?

-So, the people blame Lucien for not protecting Jesminda from being killed by his family, and when Lucien fled to their houses they gave him back up to his family. What?

-”...right into the steep foothills that leaped into gray, snowcapped mountains that marked the start of the shared range with the Winter Court.” Shouldn’t that be leapt? Or am I crazy for that?

-”If we could get over the border in a day or two…” They hiked through Autumn for like 5 days, how would they be able to go through Winter that fast?

-“How are you not winded,” he panted, hauling himself onto the flat top… “I trained.” Missing question mark. Also I know Feyre trained and all but she shouldn’t have that good of stamina already.

-”My nails barked…” This is the weirdest writing quirk SJM has.

-Lucien added, “You had my back —with them, with Ianthe. Thank you.” Feyre almost cries from this and I find that funny since she was going to leave him behind.

-Feyre manages to fall asleep this time, she goes into Lucien’s mind while she’s sleeping.

-”I had never known how young, how human I looked when I slept. My braid was a rope over my shoulder, my mouth slightly parted, my face haggard with days of little rest and food.” Why this? What’s the point?

-Lucien and Feyre get ambushed by Lucien’s brothers.