#i made playground he exists in with my friends

[chiiinglebells]

i understand the superman disguise now

yoshi's my longest running relevant oc and i really REALLY should draw more of him and his friends. my only obstacle is the skill gap i have between drawing and writing, but the horrors persist and so will i

also pls be nice to me i just started learning hiragana i'm still so noob at it

[astraystayyh]

In my dreams

Seungmin x reader. (fake) enemies to lovers. my interpretation of in my dreams by tearliner, love X stereo.

Seungmin has never liked you. You never understood why, but you were slowly coming to terms with it. However, you gradually come to learn that there is more to his feelings than what meets the eye.

skz song series

cw: reader has anxiety and deals with lots of self-doubt and insecurities.

a.n: the end of our skz song series!! and a pretty personal final fic, this one is based on my own experience with anxiety, so it might differ for everyone :) thank you for reading as always <3

You watch, a soft smile on your face as two little girls play with one another in the playground. It reminds you of simpler times, when you could just walk up to another human and become friends with them instantly.

But reality is much more challenging, especially for someone like you, constantly plagued by their anxious thoughts.

Anxiety didn't tiptoe into your life, one drop at a time so you'd get accustomed to its overwhelming presence. Instead, you woke up one day and it barged into you, through cracks and dents you didn't even know existed in your being, and then it made itself a permanent home within the confines of your heart.

You never truly learned how to live with this parasite feeding off your soul, draining you completely until you became a mere shell of who you once were. You never fully adjusted to the invisible hands choking you from within, to the voice nagging you in the back of your mind, telling you that something horrible was bound to happen.

Because nothing ever went wrong, day after day, nothing bad happened. And yet, the feeling of dread persisted and lingered until you started to believe that the problem was you.

And once you opened the door to self-doubt, you could never fully close it again.

You're too overwhelmed, too nervous, too much of everything bad. Your conversations are scrutinized, down to every syllable you uttered, to the way you smiled and how you laughed. The interactions might differ but the regret that haunts you after is the same.

So, you diluted your being, in an effort to be more acceptable, easier in the lives of the people around you. You believed that if you pleased everyone you ever encoutered then at the end you must satisfy yourself too.

You sigh softly, drumming your fingers along your knee. You’re starting a new year in college tomorrow. Your first one wasn't exceptional by any means. Aileen, the girl who sat beside you from time to time was nice, and you grabbed coffee sometimes as you prepared for your exams together. But she had other friends, ones she's much closer to, ones she invited to her birthday party, ones who she didn't simply fill her free time with.

You shake your head, putting a stop to the thoughts in your head before they get too much once again, pushing you over an edge you don't want to be in right now. 

You'll try harder this year. You'll be okay, for once.

≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋

Your professor Lee is scribbling something on the large whiteboard, as he waits for the class to fill up. Someone sits next to you, and the smell of their cologne wafts to your nose- hints of vanilla and wood seemingly calming down your nerves. You quickly take a glance at them, to find a guy with long brown hair and freckles dusting his cheeks. He's taking out his notepad from his bag, and you smile at the chick keychain he has on it. He catches you looking and you quickly avert your gaze, heat creeping up your cheeks. 

"Hi, I'm Felix," he greets enthusiastically, and you turn your head slowly to be met with his wide grin. It softens his features, making his eyes turn into moon crescents. You envy his ability to smile without overthinking how he looks. 

"Yn," you introduce back, and he nods, the grin still etched on his face. "You were in my Economics class last year, no?" he asks and you tilt your head to the side, as you mull over his question.

"I was but I don't remember seeing you," you admit sheepishly and he waves a hand in the air, not bothered the least by your words. 

"It's okay, I just remembered your presentation on Inflation. I finally understood why we can't just print more money," he admits with a chuckle, and you giggle against your will. 

"I don't blame you, it sounds like an easy solution," you agree, and his eyes widen. 

"Right! when I tell my friends they just stare at me in disappointment."

You laugh at his adorable pout, an unfamiliar warmth stirring within your chest. He's nice. 

"I'm glad I helped you then, I was so nervous presenting it," you clear your throat as he smiles impressively at you. "Really? I couldn’t tell at all." 

Mr. Lee calls for your attention and you both turn your heads back to the board. You couldn’t really focus, Felix’s words echoing in your head like a broken mantra- he couldn’t tell you were nervous. A sudden relief dawns on you at the possibility that, maybe, not everyone is aware of the neverending storm raging within you, threatening to drown you at any giving moment.

≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋

"Movie night at my dorm?" Felix proposes as he packs up his bag, your two hours long class finally done.

"Will Seungmin be there?" you ask, a slight edge to your voice and Felix pauses, shaking his head at you.

"Yn, you're overreacting. I promise he doesn't hate you."

"Have you ever seen him smiling at me?" you ask, arching your eyebrow expectantly at him. He stays silent and you wiggle your finger in the air. "Exactly! Please tell me he won't be there."

"About that... He's helping me bake the cookies," Felix smiles sheepishly and you groan, falling dramatically on your seat.

"I’m not coming."

"But the cookies," Felix pouts, and the promise of the chewy baked goods is so enticing it makes you second-guess your decision.

"The cookies...," you whine, and Felix giggles grabbing your hand to pull you up.

"I’ll see you at 5?"

"Yes," you concede, a small smile on your lips. You wait until Felix bids you goodbye for it to finally slip from your face.

Seungmin has never liked you, from the moment Felix introduced you to him. You still remember it clear as day, the way his eyes slightly widened when they fell on you, before narrowing down. How he didn't utter a single word when Felix left you both alone to get your drinks. Your panic grew as an uncomfortable silence reigned on the both of you, and you racked your brain for something to say to cut through that eerie quiet.  

"Seungmin, right?" you asked, a bit too cheerfully, and you winced inwardly at your tone. He didn't reply, only humming back. It was so faint you wouldn't have caught it had you not been staring at him intently.

"What's your major?" Your voice cracked.

"Computer science." He replied curtly, and you waited patiently, expecting him to return the question. He didn't. And you shifted awkwardly from one foot to another. Maybe he just didn't do well with strangers. Maybe he wasn't a chatty person, to complement Felix's extroverted nature.

But you were wrong. You watched in complete astonishment as he teased Felix relentlessly, a wide smile on his face. It made his eyes soften, a newfound fondness itching itself on his expressions. He laughed and he joked and you felt yourself shrink more and more, this way he wouldn't notice you anymore, wouldn't glare at you as if you did something horribly wrong to him.

Felix tried to include you as best as he could in their conversation, but you tuned it out. It was hard to focus on their talk when there was a tumultuous one ongoing in your mind. Seungmin's behavior just further cemented every horrible idea you held about yourself. There is something wrong about you, and he can see it. You may have fooled Felix but you didn't fool Seungmin. If you were him you wouldn't talk to you either.

Every encounter with Seungmin since then left you feeling fifteen years old again, in a classroom full of unkind eyes zeroed on you. You tried to talk about his interests, to string along a normal conversation, one that would reassure that your first encounter was a wrongful impression.

But he did not like talking to you, only offering short replies in response. It’s as if his tongue was tied in your response, and in return it only magnified the knot in your stomach. You went through every conversation with him a million times in your head, trying to pinpoint what exactly went wrong. What warranted him to be so silent in your presence, and yours only, as if you weren’t worthy of a simple conversation. And the answer always tied back to you.

So, you’ve been avoiding him like the plague for the past month, sparing him the chore that is existing near you. It was particularly hard since Felix was his best friend and roommate, and surprisingly he actually enjoyed spending time with you. Still, you couldn’t help but think that it was only a matter of time before Felix started to hate you too.  

≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋

"You're moving too much," Seungmin chastises and you freeze in your place at his words. You are sitting on the couch of Felix’s dorm later on that day, a horror movie playing in the small TV before you. Felix decided to lay on the floor, buried in a pool of yellow blankets, and a long pillow that weirdly had the picture of one of their friends printed on it. "It's my safety net," he explained and you didn't question him any further.

For some reason, Seungmin decided to sit next to you, instead of the opposing couch. Granted, he can see the TV more clearly from here, still this is the first time he willingly went somewhere near you, let alone talked to you.

You decide to ignore him, too focused on predicting the next jump scare, your feet tapping the floor furiously. But still, it happens so abruptly, eliciting a startled gasp from you, anf you clutch the edge of the couch even tighter.  

"Close your eyes," Seungmin speaks suddenly and you raise an eyebrow at him, confused. 

"There is a jump scare coming soon," he clears his throat, "just... close your eyes if you don't want to see it." 

You comply without much thought and soon enough, you can hear a shrill scream coming from the screen. He was right. 

"It passed," he says softly, and you tentatively open your eyes once again. There is a foreign expression on Seungmin's face, one you haven't seen before, but it passes as quickly as it came, like a dream slipping between your fingers as soon as you wake up. 

"How did you know?" you ask, hugging your knees tightly to your chest. 

"I already watched this movie."

"Really? Why are you watching it again?"

"Because. I had nothing better to do," he says, almost defensively, his hand now covering his mouth as if he had to physically stop the words from spilling out. 

You don't reply, turning back to look at the screen. Seungmin doesn't tell you when a jump scare is coming next, he simply taps your arm, and you close your eyes on cue. 

His hand brushing against your bare skin feels weird, not uncomfortable by any means, but it still is a foreign sensation. You didn't know he had such soft hands, and you always imagined them to be cold. But they are warm, and you wonder what other things about Seungmin you've been wrong about.

≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋

"I'm so tired," Felix groans, laying his head on your shoulder and you giggle, patting his head in mock sympathy. It's been three months since the start of your year, which means that the assignments are starting to pile up on you all.

"Me too," you sigh, and Seungmin stays silent next to you. Felix dragged you both to this coffeeshop, a little outing to recharge his spirit, as he texted you. You're slowly getting used to Seungmin's brooding presence. He talks to you a little more, even cracking a few jokes here and there. But you’re still wary of him. You keep your guard up just in case he forcefully brings a mirror to your face once again, reminding you of everything you despise about yourself.

"I'll go order, it's my treat. Pick a place for us?" Felix says and you nod, walking ahead of Seungmin towards a table near the back.

You sit down first, and Seungmin follows second, sitting right across from you. You quickly bring out your phone, scrolling mindlessly through the apps to distract yourself from the man in front of you.

"You have a presentation tomorrow, right?" Seungmin speaks up, startling you, and you slowly put your phone down.

"Yes, how did you know?"

"Felix told me that it makes up 25% of your grade. Are you nervous?"

"A little," you admit, even though ‘a little’ didn't even begin to cover it.

"Don't be. You'll do well," he says, a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. You almost feel as if you've imagined it before it dissipates.

"Thank you," you nod, as Felix brings the tray down your table.

"Is this for me?" you ask tentatively, pointing to the strawberry milkshake, a sore thumb sticking out between the iced americano, and the hazelnut Frappuccino, Seungmin’s and Felix’s respective go to orders.

"They got the order wrong. I got you an iced matcha," Felix pouts, double checking his receipt.

"It's okay," you smile slightly. There was nothing you despised more than having to change up your order.

"You don't want to drink this," Seungmin says, staring at you expectantly and you wave your hand in the air dismissively. "I don't mind."

Seungmin stands up, grabbing the drink from your hand before taking the receipt from the table. He goes to the counter and you watch in astonishment as he comes back, a green drink in hand this time.

"Here," he hands you your cup, before grabbing his own and sipping from it. Your drink is cold, but the warm tingles spreading through your being at his sweet gesture outweigh any other feeling.

≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋

Talking in front of 267 people never gets easier.

You memorized your presentation; you rehearsed it so much you could probably recite it with your eyes closed. Yet, the nerves still found a way to weave themselves inside you. Your hands were shaking, so much you couldn't even stare at the notes you prepared. Your palms were sweaty, blood rushing rapidly to your ears, tuning out your voice as you spoke.

You can’t even recall what you said exactly, it’s as if your body had a mind of its own, your mouth moving itself without you commanding it. You aren’t sure how it was, but someone smiled at you reassuringly from the first row, and the professor clapped, so you assume you did okay.

The class finally ends, your nerves slowly dissipating and leaving in their trail an excruciating exhaustion. You rub your eyes tiredly, as you slowly walk out of the door, before stopping in your tracks when you notice Seungmin leaning against the wall, hands buried in his varsity jacket.

His eyes are closed, a pair of earphones dangling across his chest. But then, as if he feels you looking at him, he opens his eyes, locking his gaze on you. You stay put in your place as he walks to you, his bag loosely hanging from his shoulder. He hooks his thumb underneath the strap, keeping it in place

"How was it?" he questions, and it takes you a few seconds to register what he was asking about. Your presentation. Was he waiting for you?

"I think I did well?" you reply, but it comes out more of a question to which he giggles softly.

"Are you asking me?" he teases and you roll your eyes playfully. "I did well," you repeat and he smiles, nodding a bit. "I’m sure you did. Here." He opens his bag, taking out your favorite chocolate bar from it- it had bits of caramelized pistachio and almonds in it. Seungmin doesn’t like it, he prefers plain milk chocolate, as Felix told you one day.

"Eat this, I ended up buying two by mistake, I still have an extra one at the dorm." You grab it from his hands, and he quickly leaves before you could properly thank him.

≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋≋

You always dread the days you'd wake up with a heavy weight crushing your chest.

You try to distract yourself, try to focus in class and take notes. You try to laugh at Felix's jokes and savor the brownies he just brought you. But you can't. It feels as if you're a cup filled to the brim, each passing second bringing you closer to when that fateful drop would finally make you overflow. And you could do nothing but watch yourself unravel.

Seungmin's eyes never leave you, and it only makes your anxiety spike. It feels as if he's peering inside your soul, witnessing how a cord ties itself around your throat, making it impossible for you to breathe. You can't speak anymore, every word you say threatening to make tears spill out of your eyes. You aren't sure you can make them stop if they ever start falling.

Nothing happened, nothing's happening, you try to remind yourself. But you are scratching your hand incessantly, and you feel an overwhelming need to flee. To run away, somewhere where only you would witness the display of your broken soul. So you sputter a meek excuse, and then you stand up and head to your dorm.

It's raining outside, and you don't have an umbrella. But you are grateful for it, since the rain mingles with your salty tears, shielding them from the curious eyes of the people passing by. You need to get home, you need to hide somewhere and you need to remember how to breathe-

"Yn," a hand grabs your forearm and you startle, instinctively taking two hurried steps back. It's Seungmin. He removed his blue hoodie and he's now placing it over both of your heads.

"What are you doing? You'll get sick," he sounds mad, and you can't take his disappointed tone anymore.

"I'm having a bad day and I don't need you to make it worse," you say, startling yourself with the raw emotion in your voice.

He physically recoils from your words, his arms faltering as he gazes at you, a wounded look in his eyes. "I make your days worse?" he asks quietly and his voice sounds so small, you can't help the regret that courses through you.

"Come on, Seungmin," you chuckle warily, "don't you hate me?"

"No?"

"Hate is a strong word, okay. You dislike me."

"I don't. Why would you think that?"

"Because you never wanted to talk to me, from the moment we met. And it wouldn't matter if you were this way with everyone, but it's only me. And you make me feel so small each time I'm around you," you ramble angrily, as Seungmin's eyes widen with each passing second.

"Yn, yn, I don't- I didn't know you felt this way, but I don't hate you. I truly don't, I promise you," he's panicking, voice growing higher with each word, and you feel a sudden embarrassment flood your being for lashing out at him.

You don't know what to say and he sighs, looking up at the cloudy sky before meeting your eyes once again.

"This is embarrassing, God, um..." he places his hoodie on top of your head before running a hand through his face. "I don't talk to you because you make me nervous." 

"I do?"

"Yes. A lot," he chuckles, a pink hue tinting his cheeks. "I just... I find you very interesting, and funny, and I like watching you, not in a creepy way, my God what am I saying," he whines, hiding his face in his hands and you can't help the giggle that escapes your mouth.

"Don't laugh," he pouts and you nod, willing the smile to disappear from your face. 

"I like watching you exist. Just laugh and smile and talk. You look very pretty doing it. I just don't know how to deal with it. That's on me."

This time the smile is effectively gone from your face. The weight of his confession distracting you from the turmoil of emotions that swirled within you.

"I'm sorry, for making you feel that way. I never meant to. For what it's worth, you make me feel like a small kid again, as if I'm having a crush for the first time." 

A fresh wave of tears brims in your waterline, and Seungmin's eyes soften at the sight.

"Please don't cry," he says, gently wiping the rain droplets from your cheeks. "I don't hate you, I think I like you too much and that's the problem." 

I'm sorry I misjudged you, until you wiped my tears off away

"Okay," you say quietly, your mind not yet registering what he said, too busy focusing on his hands on your face. You can't believe you've ever felt invisible because of Seungmin, when he's looking at you like you're the most precious being in the world. 

"You had a bad day?" he asks, his knuckles brushing against your cheek tenderly, and you nod, silently. 

"Would you like a hug?" he asks, and you nod again. A hug sounded nice. 

He steps forward, wrapping his arms around you. His t-shirt is cold, clinging to his now wet skin. But a surprising warmth emanates from his chest, shielding you from the pouring rain- it travels from his body to yours, as if it's a familiar path, one it underwent a million times before. His hand finds your back, and he pats it gently, following a soothing rhythm, one you try to sync your breathing to. "You did well," he whispers, "you always do well," and his words feel like a patch of shade on a scorching day.

You exhale softly, tightening your arms around his waist. You think you can stay here, for a while. You could rest in Seungmin, now and tomorrow, and maybe for the following months. If he still likes you this much. 

Bonus 

"I'm ready," Seungmin says, his soft hair tickling your bare skin. He's laying on top of your stomach, black tie undone, a piece of crumpled paper in his hands. You can tell he's nervous, with the way he looks up at the ceiling, avoiding your gaze. You lean down, pressing a sweet kiss to the top of his head. He closes his eyes, his hold on the yellowed paper slightly faltering.

"I'm all ears," you whisper, and he smiles softly at you, before looking at his written vows- the ones you decided to read to each other after your wedding ceremony, just the two of you, in your personal bubble. It feels much more intimate this way, they are words meant for you only to hear, after all.

"My love," he starts, and he can already feel the tears welling up in his eyes. He blinks repeatedly, in a desperate attempt to keep them at bay. "If I'm reading this it means I finally married you, which is probably the best thing I've ever done in my life." You giggle and he can't help but smile at the sound of your laugh.

"I am writing these vows one year into our relationship, I haven't proposed yet, but I just know you're the one I want to marry. And I suppose I don't want to forget everything I want to say to you, when that day comes." His words make your breath hitch in your throat as realization dawns on you- he wrote this three years ago, and he kept it safe, till this day.

"I still remember when I saw you for the first time. I couldn't talk because you looked so pretty, and you were smiling at Felix and I felt an overwhelming need to be the one you were smiling at. I think you cast a spell on me because I couldn't even ask you about your major back, I couldn't believe how awestruck I was. But you already know this, don't you?" He looks up at you, pressing a quick kiss to your stomach and you smile widely. You still remember when Seungmin recounted the first time you met, from his perspective. Rosy cheeks and fumbling words as he explained how much he felt for you in that instant, and how little he could express it.

"But there are still things I haven't told you," he clears his throat. "Like how Felix told me what horror movie he was planning to watch with you, and I looked it up the night before, to memorize all the jump scares just in case you were afraid. And you were, and I'm glad I did. I don't even like horror movies, but it was worth watching it three times in a row, just for you."

"Also, how I had to run out of my class to yours, so I'd catch you after the end of your presentation. I bought that chocolate only for you. I kept a stack of fifteen bars hidden in my desk, just in case you were feeling down, and you ended up needing it. I kept asking Felix about everything you liked, and disliked, and he was probably sick of me at that time," he chuckles, as memories of begging his roommate for any bit of information about you flooded his mind.

"I don't know how far into the future it'll be when I'll finally read this to you. I don't know how I'll be, or where I'll be, but as long as you're with me then I must be okay. I used to overthink everything, plan every part of my life so it'd run smoothly. That is until you came into my life, so suddenly, and you flipped it upside down. I didn't care to plan my life anymore, all that mattered is that it revolved around you," he pauses, sucking in a deep breath.

"I knew I wanted to marry you when you took me stargazing. You talked about the stars and galaxies so excitedly. And then you brought up Saturn; how it was unique among the planets, adorned with thousands of ringlets. And I remember thinking that you're my saturn, you're the dazzling planet that everyone admires and I'm the ring spinning around you, the one you're keeping afloat. And as long as you're here, I have a purpose and I'm okay. So please..." his voice wavers, as silent tears slip out of his eyes.

"Don't leave me. I know we're married now, but still, don't leave me. I love you. I feel like I've loved you in different lifetimes, in different earths and timelines. Everything can come crashing down around us, but one thing that'll forever remain the same is my love for you. I was made to love you, after all. My eyes were made to look at you, and my hands to graze your cheeks. And my heart... My heart was made to beat for you. And I love you. I feel like I don't say it enough but I truly love you. As long as I'm breathing then I'm yours."

[fangdokja]

🔞“He says he’d do anything for you. But would you believe him?”

❤︎ Synopsis. Beneath his playful smile lies a predator in waiting—muscles honed for control, a filthy mind veiled by charm, and a dark obsession that festers with every glance you give him. You think he’s harmless, but when his restraint finally snaps, you’ll learn just how wrong you’ve been.

♡ Book. Whispers in the Dark (WITD): Subtle Devotion, Lingering Shadows.

♡ Pairing. Yandere! Best Friend x Fem. Reader

♡ Headcanons. Unspoken Desires - Part 1

♡ Word Count. 5,580

♡ TW. dom + top + older + sadistic yandere, general non-con + manipulation, fear play, isolation, monitoring, non-con kissing and/or touching, forced relationship, BDSM, depression and mental illnesses, implied suicidal tendencies, unhealthy coping mechanisms, masturbation, hinted needle play, degradation, name calling, implied drugging

♡ Note. Due to Tumblr content guidelines involving mental illnesses, self-harm, and suicide, some plot details of the original story were purposefully made ambiguous to fit the platform.

♡ A/N. Actually I was trying to write wholesome, then it went to my usual writing style oop. Though, I wouldn't really say this is explicit. Seems lax for me, but that also has its own appeal.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who grew up with you in a tiny village nestled deep in the heart of a high fantasy world, where magic thrummed beneath the earth like a heartbeat and gods were whispered about in the rustling of leaves. A world where war and peace ebbed and flowed like the tides, and your childhood playgrounds were forests that spoke in riddles and rivers that glowed faintly under moonlight.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who first met you when you saved his life—or maybe he saved yours. You can’t even remember anymore. But you were just kids back then, barely old enough to wield a knife, much less survive a wolf attack in the woods. He’d laughed with bloodied teeth and sparkling eyes, like almost dying was the best day of his life.

"You’re an idiot," you’d muttered as you yanked him out of the beast’s jaws, dragging him behind a tree.

"Yeah, but you saved me," he grinned through bloodied teeth, his grin wide enough to split his face.

"Only so I don’t have to explain to everyone else why I let you die."

"Sure, sure. Keep telling yourself that."

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who was always a little too much—too fast, too loud, too bright. The kind of kid whose presence filled every corner of a room, whose schemes were impossible to ignore, and whose laugh could somehow make you feel both exhausted and alive.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who was the sun, burning at a temperature that should’ve incinerated him, and you? You were the moon, distant and cold, orbiting him only because you didn’t mind the warmth.

"You’re like a puppy," you said once, watching him pace excitedly as he rattled off yet another harebrained scheme.

"Like a what?" He froze mid-step, his eyes wide with mock offense.

"A puppy. Annoying, loud, and too full of energy."

"I am not annoying!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms out dramatically. "I’m charming."

"Sure you are."

"And loud? That’s just passion!"

"Passion’s another word for obnoxious, you know."

He gasped, clutching his chest like you’d stabbed him. "Take it back!"

"No."

"You’re heartless!"

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who was your partner in everything. You weren’t just two kids in a village—you were an unstoppable duo, a myth in the making. Climbing mountains to see if you could touch the clouds, sneaking into the elder’s home to steal forbidden scrolls, setting traps for monsters that only existed in bedtime stories.

"You’re going to get us caught," you whispered as he crouched beside the elder’s door, fiddling with the lock.

"Not if you keep watch," he replied, grinning like this was the most fun he’d ever had.

"Keep watch? I’m not an accomplice to your idiocy."

"Too late. You’re already here."

"By force."

"Uh-huh. And yet you’re still standing here, helping me."

You rolled your eyes, but your lips twitched into a reluctant smile. "I hate you sometimes."

"Only sometimes? I must be doing something right!"

Everyone else thought he was insane, but you always followed. Not because you believed in his harebrained schemes, but because his chaos made you feel alive in a way you didn’t understand.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who was terrifyingly smart in ways that shouldn’t have been possible. He didn’t just think outside the box; he dismantled it, set it on fire, and then asked why it existed in the first place. He could weave together plans and schemes that made grown adults stammer in awe—or fear.

"You’re going to blow us up one day," you deadpanned as he rigged a trap out of nothing but twigs and string.

"Not ‘blow up,’" he corrected, his hands moving deftly. "Just… scare off the bad guys."

"Bad guys? You mean the squirrels?"

"They’re shifty little things."

"You’re insane."

"And yet, you’re still standing here."

"To see how you plan to die this time."

But he was also the same boy who fell into rivers because he forgot they were slippery, or who got stuck in a tree because he didn’t think about how he’d climb back down.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who, even as a child, hated the idea of losing you. He didn’t show it in ways you’d notice—he wasn’t clingy or possessive yet—but he’d always insist on being there.

"You don’t have to follow me everywhere," you grumbled one day, watching him trail behind you.

"Yeah, but what if something happens to you?" he said, grinning like it was a joke.

"Like what? Tripping on a rock?"

"You joke, but rocks are deadly."

"You’re impossible."

"And you’re stuck with me."

Wherever you went, whatever you did, he was there. Even when he got mad at you, even when you got mad at him, the idea of being apart was something neither of you could bear.

────────────

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who, as you both grew older, turned your childhood games into full-fledged adventures.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who always made sure you had his back, just as he had yours. It didn’t matter if you were facing bandits, cursed creatures, or labyrinths that seemed impossible to escape—he would always find a way to pull you through.

And you’d do the same for him, even when he tried to stop you. Especially when he tried to stop you.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who hated how you always put yourself in danger for him.

Whether it was throwing yourself in front of an attack, volunteering to distract enemies so he could escape, or using the last of your strength to save him, it drove him absolutely insane.

He’d smile through gritted teeth, trying to play it off as his usual carefree self, but you could see the tightness in his jaw, the way his hands clenched into fists.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who started to argue with you more and more because of it.

At first, it was just teasing jabs—“You know, one day you’re going to get yourself killed pulling stunts like that.”

But when you kept doing it, his tone grew sharper, his words harsher. “Do you even care about your own life? Do you think I’d just let you throw yourself away like that?!”

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who, despite his frustration, couldn’t stop you.

No matter how many times he argued, begged, or outright yelled at you to stop risking yourself, you always brushed him off with that infuriatingly calm logic of yours.

“If I didn’t, you’d be dead. So what’s the problem?” And every time you said it, he felt like his chest was going to explode—partly from anger, but mostly from fear.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who would never admit it, but the thought of losing you terrified him more than anything else in the world.

He’d rather lose a limb, his powers, even his own mind, if it meant keeping you safe.

And the fact that you didn’t seem to value your life as much as he did made something dark and desperate coil in his chest.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who, during one of your worst arguments, snapped. His usual charm and humor vanished, replaced by raw, unfiltered rage.

“Do you think I need your sacrifices? That I’m some helpless idiot who can’t survive without you throwing yourself in harm’s way? I’m not weak, and I don’t want to watch you die for me, do you understand that?!”

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who stormed off after that, leaving you both in silence for hours, maybe even days.

But when he came back, he wasn’t angry anymore.

His voice was calm, his smile soft, but there was something unsettling about the way he looked at you, like he was trying to memorize every inch of you in case you disappeared.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who started to take more control over your adventures after that. He’d laugh and joke like normal, but he always seemed to steer you away from the most dangerous paths, even if it meant taking longer to reach your destination.

And if you ever tried to put yourself in harm’s way again, he’d find a way to stop you—whether it was with words, tricks, or, in the most extreme cases, outright forcing you to stay behind.

———

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who never thought he liked you as anything more than a best friend. You were his partner-in-crime, his constant, the only person who truly understood him. He couldn’t imagine his life without you, but that didn’t mean he liked you like that.

At least, that’s what he told himself.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who felt something strange the first time you smiled at someone else like you smiled at him.

It was during one of your adventures—a random stranger you helped along the way. They cracked a joke, and for the first time, you laughed. Not your usual quiet, wry chuckle, but something brighter, something real. He grinned along with you, but inside, something cold and heavy settled in his chest.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who didn’t understand why it bothered him so much when others got too close to you.

You’d always been his.

Not in a romantic way—just in the way best friends were.

You were his partner, his moon, the person he trusted more than anyone.

But when someone else tried to share your attention, that bad feeling in his chest twisted into something darker.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who started noticing it more and more.

The way you’d listen to someone else’s plans without questioning them, even though you always teased his. The way you didn’t hesitate to step between someone else and danger, even though you knew it would make him furious. The way your expression softened when you thought no one was watching, as if you never looked at him like that.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who told himself it was nothing, just a weird phase.

Maybe he was overthinking it.

He had no reason to be upset.

You were his best friend—you weren’t going anywhere. But the more he thought about it, the more that thought didn’t feel like enough.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who started acting without realizing it. His smiles grew sharper when others talked to you, his words more cutting, his presence heavier. He’d laugh it off when you called him out, waving his hand like it was all a joke, but deep down, he knew it wasn’t.

He just couldn’t figure out why.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who, during one of your adventures, snapped at you for the first time in a way that wasn’t about your safety.

It was something small—someone you met on the road had complimented you, and you’d actually smiled back.

He didn’t know what came over him, but before he could stop himself, he was already muttering, “You’re just going to smile at anyone now, huh? What’s next, inviting them to join us?”

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who immediately regretted it when you frowned and looked away. You didn’t argue back, didn’t tease him like usual. You just stayed quiet, which somehow felt worse than anything you could’ve said.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who started avoiding the subject entirely after that. He went back to his usual carefree self—laughing, joking, pulling you into more wild adventures.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who didn’t know why he felt this way until one night, while camping under the stars, he caught himself staring at you. The way the firelight flickered across your face, the way your usually emotionless eyes softened when you stared into the flames, the way you always sat close enough for him to feel your warmth but never closer.

Something in his chest ached, and for the first time, he realized why.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who didn’t want to admit it. Didn’t want to ruin what you had, didn’t want to think about what it might mean.

But he couldn’t stop himself from wondering. Wondering if anyone else could make you smile the way he did.

Wondering if anyone else could be your constant.

———

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who isn’t stupid—he knows you don’t see him the way he sees you.

He can tell by the way you laugh around him, carefree and unguarded, like you’re sharing a joke with an older brother. By the way you roll your eyes at his antics, always more amused than annoyed.

By the way you lean on him, not like someone who’s in love, but like someone who trusts him to always be there, no matter what.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who knows he’s just your best friend, the person who drags you on adventures and watches your back.

Nothing more, nothing less.

But that doesn’t stop the knot in his chest from tightening every time you treat him like something so casual.

Like he’s just another part of your world, instead of your entire world, the way you are to him.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who wonders sometimes if he’s being selfish, wanting more than what you’re already giving him. You let him into your life, trusted him in a way you trusted no one else. But it wasn’t enough.

It was never enough.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who pretends it doesn’t bother him, flashing his usual grin and cracking jokes whenever you call him out for being clingy.

“Can you blame me? You’re my favorite person in the world! No one else even comes close.” But underneath the laughter, his mind is racing, twisting, plotting.

Because if you couldn’t love him the way he loved you, then he’d just have to make sure no one else could either.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who starts pushing the boundaries of your friendship without you even noticing.

Casual touches linger just a second too long, playful teasing takes on a sharper edge, and his protectiveness turns into something almost suffocating. If you notice, you don’t say anything—maybe because it’s easier to brush it off as just him being his usual self. But he knows better.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who tells himself it’s fine.

That he can wait. That you’ll realize it eventually.

That you’ll see no one else will ever understand you the way he does, no one else will ever protect you the way he does, no one else will ever love you the way he does.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who grows darker, quieter, when someone else gets too close to you. The usual charm and humor are still there, but there’s something off about the way he smiles, too sharp and too cold.

He won’t say anything at first, just watching, waiting, calculating.

But if they try to take you away, to pull you out of his orbit, that’s when things start to unravel.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who starts isolating you without you even realizing it. He’s the only one who can keep up with you, the only one who knows how to handle your quirks and your flaws.

The only one who will never leave you. He plants the idea so carefully, so subtly, that you don’t even question it.

It’s just the way things are.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who knows, deep down, that you don’t love him the way he loves you.

Not yet, at least. But that’s okay.

Because he doesn’t need your love—he just needs you.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who tells himself it doesn’t matter how long it takes. Days, months, years—it’s all the same to him.

Because in the end, you’ll cave.

You’ll see that no one else could ever love you the way he does. That no one else could ever deserve you.

———

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who didn’t even realize how far gone he was until one day, when you were bathing, he accidentally walked in.

You didn’t scream, didn’t flinch, didn’t even care.

Just stared at him with those cold, emotionless eyes of yours and calmly said, “Door’s unlocked.”

As if it was nothing.

As if the sight of your bare skin, the water sliding down your body, wouldn’t haunt him for the rest of his life.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who felt his breath catch in his throat, his usual wit failing him for once.

He laughed it off awkwardly, muttered some excuse about needing something, and stumbled out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

But the image of you was burned into his mind, refusing to fade no matter how hard he tried to shake it off.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who hated himself for it, hated how much his body reacted to you.

He wasn’t supposed to think about you like this, wasn’t supposed to feel this way.

But no matter how much he tried to fight it, the memory of you kept creeping back in, setting his skin on fire and making his heart race.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who found himself lying awake that night, your image replaying in his mind on an endless loop.

He could still see the way the water glistened on your skin, the way your hair clung to your shoulders, the way you looked at him so casually, so apathetically, as if you had no idea what you were doing to him.

———

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who you’ve always seen as a goofy, harmless puppy.

Sure, he’s tall and muscular—towering over most people effortlessly—but his easygoing attitude and boyish charm have always made him seem more like a loyal guard dog than anything remotely dangerous. You’ve never thought twice about sharing space with him, leaning on him, treating him like the oversized, overprotective best friend he appears to be.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who knows exactly what you think of him. He plays his part so well: the playful idiot, the one who makes you laugh when you’re down, the one who keeps you safe without asking for anything in return.

And while some parts of that are true, they’re far from the whole story. Because the truth is, underneath that sunshine grin and those puppy-dog eyes, he’s not your harmless protector. He’s something much darker, much more dangerous, and he hides it all so well.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who doesn’t just want you—he wants to own you.

Every glance, every laugh, every little touch you give him fuels something primal inside of him, something he keeps locked away beneath layers of charm and wit. Did you think his broad shoulders and ripped physique were just for show?

That all those hours spent training, honing his body, were just about looking good? No. It was for you. It’s always been for you. To keep you safe. To keep others away.

To ensure that when the time comes, no one—not even you—could stop him from taking what’s his.

———

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who goes home after a long day with you, his head swimming with the way your body brushed against his, the way your apathetic expression softened for just a second when you cracked one of your rare, sarcastic jokes.

It’s unbearable, the tension coiling tighter and tighter in his chest, and by the time he’s alone, he’s already burning up with the need for release.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who hates how much power you have over him. Hates how weak you make him feel when he’s wrapped around your little finger, playing the role of your goofy best friend when all he really wants is to pin you down and make you look at him differently—to see him not as your protector, but as something darker.

Someone who could ruin you in ways you’ve never even imagined.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who locks himself in his room, leaning back against the door with a sharp exhale, his muscles tight with tension.

The second his hand dips into his waistband, it’s like a dam breaking. He doesn’t even try to fight it anymore. His mind goes straight to you—how you’d feel, how you’d sound, how you’d look beneath him, your apathetic mask cracking under the weight of his touch.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who starts slow, dragging his hand lazily over his length as he pictures the way you’d squirm beneath him, trying to keep your composure. He knows you’d fight him at first—of course you would—but he also knows how easily you’d give in if he played his cards right.

How easily he could shatter your walls and make you depend on him, need him, the way he needs you.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who whispers your name under his breath, his voice rough with desperation as his strokes grow faster, harder, more erratic.

His mind races with all the things he wants to do to you, all the ways he wants to mark you, claim you, destroy you so completely that no one else could ever have you the way he does.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who bites his lip to muffle the low, guttural sounds escaping his throat, his free hand gripping the edge of his desk so tightly his knuckles turn white.

He pictures you underneath him, tears welling in your eyes as you try to push him away, only to melt under his touch. The thought makes his head spin, and his hips jerk up involuntarily as he chases his release.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who finally spills with a choked groan, your name falling from his lips like a broken prayer. The pleasure rips through him like a tidal wave, leaving him trembling and breathless, his body taut with the intensity of it.

But as the high fades, a darker satisfaction settles over him, mixed with a burning hunger that refuses to be quenched.

♡ Yandere! Best Friend who leans back against the wall, wiping a hand over his face as he catches his breath.

He feels no guilt, no shame—only a gnawing desire for more.

Because this isn’t enough. It’ll never be enough.

He wants you for real, not just in the dark recesses of his mind.

———

You lay there, the soft, rhythmic sound of your breathing the only thing that pierced the quiet of the night. The warmth of the small, candlelit room was comforting, a stark contrast to the cold, dark woods outside the village walls.

You were nestled in your bed, the soft fabric of your nightgown clinging to your body as you drifted in and out of consciousness, your dreams filled with the excitement of the adventures you and your best friend had shared throughout the years.

Unbeknownst to you, his eyes were fixated on your form, his gaze hungry and possessive. He'd been watching you for hours, his thoughts growing darker with every passing minute.

He knew you didn't see him the way he saw you, but that was a problem that could be rectified.

He took a deep breath, his hand moving to the bulge in his pants, and whispered to himself, "Mine. You're always mine." His grip tightened as he began to stroke himself, his eyes never leaving your peaceful face.

The sound of his zipper was the only disturbance in the stillness, and he felt his heart pound in his chest as he grew harder at the thought of you, his untouchable moon.

"Sleep tight, fucktoy," he murmured, a twisted smile playing on his lips, "because when you wake up, you'll finally know who you truly belong to."

The tension grew palpable as his strokes grew quicker, his breathing becoming ragged and erratic. He was lost in his own twisted fantasy, imagining the way your eyes would widen in shock and fear as you awoke to find him there, invading your personal space, claiming what he believed was rightfully his.

"You think you can ignore me?" he whispered harshly, the anger and frustration in his voice barely contained.

"You think I don't notice when you laugh with others, when you let them touch you?" His hand moved faster, his teeth clenched in determination. "You're mine, and you always will be. I'll make sure of it."

His eyes roved over your body, lingering on the curve of your hip, the swell of your breasts, and the delicate line of your neck. The urge to reach out and touch you, to mark you in some way, was almost overwhelming.

But no, not yet.

The anticipation was too sweet.

He sat on the edge of the bed, the soft mattress groaning slightly under his weight. The room was suffocating in its darkness, only the flickering candle on the bedside table casting dancing shadows across your peaceful face.

He could see the gentle rise and fall of your chest, the soft sound of your breaths echoing in the quiet space. It was a sound he'd become all too familiar with, a sweet melody that lulled him into a sense of security and power.

His hand moved under the covers, the fabric of his own trousers straining against his growing arousal. He gritted his teeth, trying to keep his breaths even as he touched himself.

His eyes never left you, studying every curve and line of your body as if he could burn the image into his mind. You were so close, yet so far away. It was infuriating, a constant reminder of what wasn't his.

Yet.

He corrected the thought in his head with a smirk.

You were his, had always been his, even if you didn't know it yet.

He'd make sure of it.

His hand stroked faster, the wet sounds of his self-indulgence seeming too loud in the otherwise silent room. He couldn't help but feel a twisted sense of triumph as he watched your chest rise and fall, oblivious to the dark desires that swirled around you like a tempest.

"Bitchy cumdump," he murmured under his breath, the word a vile whisper that seemed to hang in the air like a curse.

"Rape slut." He liked those names, the way they painted a picture of you that was so much more… palatable than the cold, untouchable moon you portrayed to him.

But you could also be warm, alive, full of passion and fire, and he knew it.

He just hadn't figured out how to make you burn for him alone.

His hand stroked himself roughly, his eyes never leaving your sleeping form. You had your back to him, the soft curves of your body hidden beneath the thin fabric of your nightgown.

It was almost translucent, revealing the shadowy outline of your curves, your skin so pale it seemed to glow in the moonlight filtering through the window.

His eyes roved over you greedily, taking in every detail, his mind racing with thoughts of what lay beneath that delicate exterior.

He reached out with his other hand, the one not busy with his own desires, and traced a line down your spine.

You shifted slightly, a soft sigh escaping your lips, but you remained asleep. The sound of his own breath grew heavier, his strokes more frantic as he felt the heat of your body through the fabric.

"Mine," he whispered again, his voice low and guttural.

It was a promise, a vow that echoed in the quiet of the room, a declaration of war against anyone who dared to claim you.

His breath hitched as he reached the peak of his desire, his hand moving faster and faster as he thought of claiming you, making you his in every way possible.

With a low, primal growl, he came, his seed spilling onto the bed sheets.

The warmth and wetness of his release brought him back to reality, his hand slowing as he stared at the evidence of his obsession with you.

His heart raced in his chest, a heady mix of longing and satisfaction coursing through his veins. He had never felt so alive, so powerful, so… right.

He leaned back against the headboard, his eyes still glued to your form. You hadn't stirred, hadn't woken up.

It was like you were a doll, a perfect creation made just for his amusement.

He felt a twisted sense of pride that you hadn't noticed his depravity, that his need for you was so strong it could only be expressed in the dark when you were at your most vulnerable.

But that would change.

Oh, how it would change.

As he withdraws his hand from the warmth of his climax, he was careful not to disturb you, his eyes lingering on the soft rise and fall of your chest. He reaches for a cloth beside the bed to clean up the mess he’s made, his mind racing with thoughts of what he’ll do next to claim you fully.

He’s always been the one to watch over you, the one to save you, the one who understands you better than anyone else.

But now, it’s no longer enough to just be your best friend.

He reaches under his bed, his hand brushing against the cold, rough fabric of a hidden bag.

The zipper whispers open, revealing an assortment of morally questionable items: ropes, gags, handcuffs, and a few bottles of clear liquid with handwritten labels. The scent of leather and something else—something darker—wafts out, mingling with the stale air of the room.

His breath hitches as he runs his fingers over the contents, feeling the weight of each item. They're tools of his obsession, tokens of the future he's crafting in his twisted mind.

His eyes flicker back to you, sleeping so peacefully, so utterly unaware of what's to come.

He pulls out a syringe from the bag, the cold metal glinting in the moonlight.

With practiced hands, he fills it with a pink liquid, the viscous substance swirling within the glass tube like a trapped, desperate thing.

It's a potion of his own making, something that would ensure that when the time came, you'd be too compliant to resist him.

He's not a complete monster—he doesn't want to take you by force, not yet at least.

But he knows that the path to your heart is paved with fear and obedience.

He rolls the plunger between his thumb and forefinger, feeling the liquid warm against his skin. The anticipation of using it on you makes his breath catch.

He watches you sleep, the fabric of your nightgown clinging to your body like a second skin. His eyes trace the gentle curves of your breasts and the way your hips dip before flaring out, the shadow between your thighs taunting him with what lies beneath.

The urge to claim you fully is overwhelming, but he reminds himself that patience is key.

Instead, he allows his gaze to linger, his hands straying to the syringe filled with his homemade potion—a blend of aphrodisiac and sedative that would make you pliable in his hands. He imagines pushing it into your soft flesh, watching as the liquid fills you, turning you into a vessel of his desires.

He reaches out with trembling hands, his breath shallow and ragged with anticipation. His fingertips graze the soft fabric of your nightgown, tracing the line of your slit, feeling the heat radiating from your body. You stir slightly in your sleep, but do not wake, oblivious to the violation he's about to commit. He gently parts the fabric, exposing your bare skin to the cool air of the room.

He takes one of the syringes filled with his potion and holds it up to the moonlight, admiring the way the liquid shimmers. "Soon, you'll be mine," he murmurs, his voice barely a whisper, thick with lust and possession.

He brings the needle closer, poised at the entrance of your pussy, savoring the moment. "And no one will ever be able to take you from me."

────────────

If you want to be added or removed from the tag list, just comment on the MASTERLIST of Whispers in the Dark (WITD): Subtle Devotion, Lingering Shadows. Thank you.

General TAG LIST of “Whispers In The Dark”: @keisocool , @elvabeth , @elloredef , @mjsjshhd , @lem-hhn

❤︎ Fang Dokja's Books.

♡ Book 1. A Heart Devoured (AHD): A Dark Yandere Anthology ♡ Book 2. 🔞Forbidden Fruits (FF): Intimate Obsessions, Unhinged Desires. ♡ Book 3. World Ablaze (WA) : For You, I'd Burn the World. ♡ Book 4. Whispers in the Dark (WITD): Subtle Devotion, Lingering Shadows.

[silentglassbreak]

hi bestie is it too late to request? you said you liked writing angst, well, i love reading it 💔💔painfully unrequited love!!!!! gimme gimme

friends with benefits with (overly affectionate!!!!) Noah and reader who falls sick to her stomach head over heels in love with him. blurring the lines between sex and love.

going to a bad omens concert however long after and it’s like they’re strangers oOF rip my heart out and stomp on it idc. been listening to Novocaine on a loop all day. i’m not okay

feel to totally disregard if you’re not feeling it angel <33 thank you bby I love your writing 🥺🥺

Angst............. UGH I've been WAITING babes. My goal is to rip your heart out...fair fucking warning. MMMLOVEYOUUUUU. After Writing Notes: I'm the actual worst. I hope you don't hate it!

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: smut, heartbreak, lots and lots of angst

Can You Feel My Heart

Love languages are such a strange concept, aren't they? That seems to be a fairly new idea that someone came up with in the last decade or so?

If you like to buy love...your love language is gifting.

If you can't communicate well...your love language is affection.

If the only way you know how to show feelings is with sex...your love language is intimacy.

At what point are we allowed to call someone out for being a dick? At what point are we allowed to confront the fact that someone is skipping around the idea of commitment, and ask them to just admit what they really want?

This wasn't the first time these thoughts had danced around my head, in the wee hours of the morning, while Noah's arm laid heavy across my waist, him snoozing behind me.

Noah and I had been friends since we were seven years old. We met on the playground at the park in the center of the neighborhood of our small town in West Virginia. He told me he liked my butterfly hair clips, and I let him have the blue one. He wore it in his hair every day for three weeks.

He grew up in a broken home, only his Mom around most of his years, and even then - that relationship was...strained. So many nights he had snuck into my bedroom window, curling up next to me, tears free falling down his cheeks. We never talked about why, but it didn't take a psychic to figure it out.

He moved in with his Grandmother when he was fourteen, and even though he lived in the next town over, he still made it a point to take the city bus to me every day after school, even when he dropped out.

We were never more than twin flames, incapable of existing without each other, moral support for the other during any type of hardship. Looking back, I guess that was what built our serious dependence issues.

"I can't live without you, Y/N. I'll die if I ever lose you."

"No you won't Noah, don't be stupid."

He was stupid. As stupid as they come, because when I turned eighteen, and started college, he had paid one of his friends to drive him all the way up to Columbus to see me. He showed up at the door of my dorm, drunk and broken, blathering on about how only having been away from me for a week had killed him, and he needed to see me.

That was the first night he kissed me, and I let him.

As most people do when having grown up with someone so closely, I had developed an attachment to Noah very early on. I first recognized it when he turned twelve, and started skateboarding. He would insist on trying to teach me how, despite my undeniable clumsiness. His hands would grip my hips, his face so close to my ear, and his chest pressed to my back. He would talk in this deep voice, his puberty hitting early. I was awe-struck.

He was my best friend, sure. But he belonged to me, that's what he always said.

Even when he had girlfriends, I always came first. Dates would get cancelled for me; plans changed. Hell, he even blew off one girl whose birthday fell on the same day as mine. I was his priority. I was his person.

So when he leaned in to me, sitting on the edge of my mattress in the dorm, liquor stained-breath against my face, I just closed my eyes and let it happen.

He spent the night with me, and had to leave early. Vowing to come back, he never broke his word.

There he was the following weekend, sober this time, with snacks, DVDs, and a week’s worth of clothes. I managed to hide him in my room for four days before the dorm advisor caught him.

The second day he was there was the first time we had sex. I was a virgin, and he was not. That hurt me, sure. Not enough to deny him what was rightfully his. I belonged to Noah, body and soul. He took his time, walked me through it, and gave me the best possible experience I could expect. It hurt, and it was weird, but a sense of relief washed over me.

We had finally crossed that threshold. We had sex three times that week, until he was forced to leave.

That's when the words left his mouth.

"We need to talk."

That conversation broke something inside of me. He loved me, but he didn't love me. He was honored to have been allowed to give me something so meaningful, but he could never see me as more than his best friend. Our friendship was too important, and he wouldn't even allow himself to entertain the idea of jeopardizing that. He had made up his mind, and he couldn't have feelings for me.

It was with the heaviest heart imaginable, I sucked back my tears, painted an easy smile on my face, and held his hands in mine.

"I totally understand, Noah. No worries! We can just have fun, you know?"

And that was it. We were stuck in this sick, frozen place for the last two years. I was about to finish my Associates in Columbus, and hoped to become pre-med at Boston U, but Noah didn't know that yet. I could never figure out how to tell him.

Noah Davis was this heavy, bright flame that I was desperately afraid to extinguish. He had formed a band right after our arrangement began, and he was twenty-four hours away from leaving on their first major tour that would take him around the entire country, and then across the Atlantic to Europe.

How could I tell him that while he was gone, I was likely moving even further, and starting my life without him?

I didn't want to live without him, but he was leaving, and I couldn't sit and wait forever...

I breathed out a sigh, the light beginning to stream in the window of my one-bedroom apartment. He needed to wake up, drive home, and make sure he was ready to leave tomorrow. It was only 6AM, so I knew he'd be cranky, but I couldn't put this off any longer.

“Noah?” I breathed out his name. He groaned in response. “You’ve got to get up. You have to get ready to head home.”

"Mm, ten more minutes." I rolled my eyes, and began sliding out from underneath him.

His arm locked, and held me in place. I giggled, and saw as he turned his face, one eye cracking open. "Don't get up. It's too early."

I narrowed my eyes. "I have class at 8AM."

Noah used his strength against me, pulling my body to him and holding me tight so I couldn't get up. This only made me laugh louder.

"You don't need to get up for another hour."

"Not if I want to shower."

He sighed into the pillow. "So crazy, cause I don't think you do."

I rolled my eyes. "Dude, you've got to get home. Nick will kill us both if you're not ready in time."

"I'm not scared of her." He smirked, and I smacked his arm.

"Shut up. And get off me!"

He stuck his bottom lip out, pouting heavily.

"Not going to work. C'mon." I wriggled hard enough to break his grip, and sat up, stretching my arms over my head. He sat up as well, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

I pulled a robe over myself, turning to look at him as he scrolled through his phone, checking messages.

"Coffee?" I asked, and he threw a thumbs up at me.

I left the room, headed for the kitchen, trying to keep my breathing even. I had very little time left.

Filling the pot with water, I felt his arms wrap around me from behind, his face burying in my neck.

"I don't want to go. I'm going to miss you so much."

I leaned into the touch, taking anything I could at this point. "I know. I'll miss you more."

He scoffed. "Not a chance."

Holding me for a few more moments, he let go to head to the fridge, pulling out the bagels and cream cheese, and plopping down at the dining table. I continued my work of preparing our coffee.

"Hey, uh," I started, keeping my voice as calm as I could. "there's something I wanted to chat with you about."

I turned around, two hot mugs in my hand. He was spreading the cream on a bagel, already having prepared one for me. I sat next to him at the table.

"What's up?" He didn't look up at me.

"I told you I had been trying to decide where to start medical school?" He just nodded in response. "Well, I find out today if I got into Boston."

He halted, his eyes snapping up to me. "Boston?"

I took a sip of coffee. "They've got the best med program on the East coast-"

He cut me off. "Since when were you looking on the East coast?"

His tone was darkening. This was going to go about as well as I expected.

"Since I realized I had a chance. Noah, my GPA and scholar program gives me a real shot."

He grit his teeth, setting his bagel down. "Boston is far, Y/N."

I kept calm, setting my mug down as well. "I know."

"So, why would you want to be so far away?"

"Well, you're going far too, Noah. Your first show is in San Diego."

He sat back in his chair. "Yeah, but the last one puts me right back here in Columbus for a month before I go overseas."

I nodded. "I know. I'll still be here, then. You get back six weeks before the end of the semester."

He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You can't go to Boston."

There was a finality to his tone, and something about it made my insides flinch with irritation.

"Oh no? And if I do?"

"You can't."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Can't? And since when do you tell me what I can and can't do?"

He rolled his eyes, standing from the table and walking over to the trash, binning the half of his bagel he didn't eat. "We can't be that far away from each other."

Lifting my eyebrows, I stood as well, crossing my arms. "And why is that, Noah?"

He leaned back against the counter. "Y/N, you know why."

"What? So you have someone to fuck whenever you want? Whenever one of your little groupies isn't around?"

His eyes popped open, then. "What?"

"You heard me." My tone was deadly, matching my stare at him.

"You really think the only reason I want you close is because of the sex?" He seemed truly stunned.

"Well, why else would you want me around?" I threw my hands up, walking back down the hallway toward my bedroom. I could hear his footfall behind me. I just continued, stepping into the closet to get dressed.

"What is that supposed to mean? I always want you around."

Rolling my eyes, I clasped my bra on and popped my head out to look at him. "Noah, I'm convenient for you. Unless you have any other valid reasons to keep coming over, I don't know why else it matters."

His jaw dropped open. "That is not true."

Pulling my shirt on, I scoffed. "Please, dude. Spare me the act, okay?"

"What act?"

I pulled my jeans on, buttoning them before stepping out to face him again. "The 'you're my person, and I can't lose you' act." I quoted myself. Something about that pissed him off, because he crossed his own arms and stared me down.

"The fuck are you getting at, Y/N?"

I shook my head, brushing past him, and walked toward the bathroom.

"Noah," I turned to look directly at him. "we've been at this for years. It's kind of old, don't you think?"

His face softened slightly. "We had an agreement."

I nodded. "You're right, we did. Just sex, for the sake of our friendship. That's what you wanted."

"I thought that's what we wanted."

Waving a hand between us, I took a step toward him. "Oh no, Noah. That's what you wanted. Not me."

He was silent, then.

"I wanted more. I always have. I thought that had become clear over the years, but I fucking guess not." I could hear my voice raising a few octaves. "You didn't give me a choice. You came in, broke that boundary, and then put it right back up again. And I stayed, just so I wouldn't lose you."

I could feel the tears beginning to well in my eyes.

His voice came out small, then, his hands now buried in his pockets.

"What do you want from me, Y/N?"

I sighed, letting one tear escape. "I want you to love me."

He pulled his hands out, stepping toward me and taking one of mine. I let him.

"I do love you!"

I stared at him, my teeth ground together. "Do you? The way I love you?"

Noah was a lot of things. He was brilliant, funny, generous, dedicated. He had the most redeeming qualities of anyone I knew.

And sure, he could be stupid. But not that stupid.

He had known how I felt about him. Of course he did. That was why I kissed him every chance I got. Why I always let him in. Why I never dated anyone else. Why I stayed all this time.

But here? In this moment? He was the biggest idiot I knew, because he dropped my hand, his eyes falling with it, and took a step backward.

"I..." He huffed out a breath, looking back up at my tear-stained face. "I can't. I'm sorry."

I averted my eyes, then. I could feel myself breaking, crumbling right before him.

"You need to leave, Noah."

I could feel he wanted to pull back to me, like a moon in orbit of a planet. Gravity. But he didn't. He just stepped back toward the doorway.

"What does this mean?" I heard his voice, but wouldn't meet his eyes.

I sniffed hard, trying like hell to keep myself upright.

"It means you go on tour. Be who you are, Noah. And I'll be who I am. Without each other."

His body shifted, but I was stone, unmoving.

"I can't lose you." I heard him let out a light, sarcastic laugh. "I'll die."

I let myself laugh at that.

"No you won't, Noah. Don't be stupid."

7 Years Later

Residency is going to kill me. I may actually die in pursuit of this God awful career I've chosen. I was three years in to a five year program, intending to finish in General Practice, but until that time, I was just an idiotic twenty-seven year-old with no life, no sleep, and no clean fucking clothes to wear.

Every resident gets exactly forty-eight hours of paid time off every three months, and I had not taken mine in over a year. I finally had taken all of my hours - six days total - off of work, and after spending the entire first day sleeping, I was due to meet with Raylene in an hour.

Ray and I met at the beginning of residency, and quickly gotten close. We managed to find an affordable apartment together within walking distance of the hospital, and spent any rare free time we had together. She was currently at her boyfriend's place, spending some much needed time with him, before we went out for the evening.

I was digging through my unfolded laundry, trying to find something not too wrinkled or stained to wear tonight. Ray had told me we were going to a concert for a band she had recently discovered, but she didn't tell me who it was. I didn't care, to be honest. Existing somewhere other than the Emergency Room or my own bed sounded heavenly.

Finally settling on a deep red cropped t-shirt, black skinny jeans, and the Vans I rarely got to wear, I straightened my hair and applied what little makeup I could. I set out of the building to the waiting vehicle downstairs, Ray practically hanging from the passenger window.

"You look so fine!"

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Sure. Like I might've slept in the last two weeks?"

She chortled back at me, leaning in her seat once I was in the car. I waved hello to her boyfriend Sean, and gazed at Ray.

"So, Tyler isn't coming."

She frowned at me. "Why not?"

I shrugged. "Said he had a case he was working on, and he really couldn't spare the time."

She rolled her eyes. "Typical lawyer. Too busy for anyone but his clients."

Tyler and I had been dating for about six months now. Maintaining a relationship while having jobs as busy as ours was difficult, but he somehow managed to work it out. He would pop in when he knew I had breaks to bring me food, or have me spend nights off at his place, massaging my neck and helping me get caught up on my favorite series. He was an honest man. A good man.

I liked him.

Right?

It's so hard to tell what's like and what's convenient when you live your life exhausted and overworked, so I didn't have a lot of time to question it.

"Bummer for him. I'm so excited to see this show!" Ray was beaming in the front seat.

"Yeah, who are we seeing, anyway?"

"A band called ERRA. They're opening for a bigger headliner, who I've heard are pretty good too."

I nodded. "I've never heard them."

"It's rock. Metal, really." Sean chimed in, and I acknowledged him silently, looking out of the window.

My mind zoned out while we drove to the House of Blues. Ray and Sean chatted idly up front, but I was just enjoying the fact that I was finally out of the house for once.

That is, until we walked into the venue. The banner poster stared at me, the photographs of the band mocking me...

Bad Omens...they were the headliner.

Memories flooded back to my brain, my insides clenching at the visions.

I hadn't spoken to him since that day...that last day in my apartment. When he left, and never looked back. I didn't even keep in touch with the rest of the guys, for fear that I would be sucked back into the maelstrom that was Noah Davis...

“Y/N?” I turned to see Ray stood behind me, noticing my reaction. “You okay?”

My mind wasn’t comprehending what I was seeing. There’s no way that was them? The last time I had heard of the band, they were one-of-four supporting bands on much larger headliners. Now, they were selling out tickets at their own tour? Seven years was a long time…but how had they gotten this popular?

I wondered this, as if I didn’t know how wildly talented those boys were. Aside from Noah, Nicky, Jolly, and Nick Folio were some of the most intelligent and creative minds I had known. They all brought something special to that band, but I would have never expected this.

Huh. Guess he could live without me after all?

Something bitter crept into the back of my throat, but I swallowed it down, staring at his photograph on the poster.

“Yeah,” I tore my eyes away for a second to look at Raylene. “sorry, I’m fine. Just didn’t realize Bad Omens was the headliner.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You’ve heard of them?”

I pulled my lips to the side. Did I want to tell her?

“Long time ago.”

I couldn’t get past how different he looked in the picture. Last time I saw Noah, his hair was halfway down his back, he was skinny, and he had the thinnest little mustache growing on his upper lip.

In these promo pictures, however, his hair was short, not even reaching his ears, he looked much more muscular, and he had no facial hair. He also had many more tattoos than I remembered. That wasn’t surprising. Noah was a tattoo addict from a very young age.

Jolly had let his hair grow and had the cutest goatee on his chin. Nicky looked almost exactly the same. And Nick, bless his heart, had grown into such a handsome guy. They all looked so grown, so serious and broody. It almost made me giggle, knowing how goofy these guys were in real life.

Noah looked the most stunningly different from the rest. Not only did his entire appearance change, but his eyes…something in them was just so much darker. That harsh flame I had once known was so dim. It almost hurt to see. Almost.

We were making our way out to the pit of the GA floor. I had decided to get myself a cocktail to take the edge off. I didn't plan to come face-to-face with him, and likely wouldn't even get the opportunity to get a good look at him period, but still...just knowing we were in the same room made my throat tighten. I washed it down with Vodka and cranberry juice, hoping the warmth of the liquor would unfreeze my nerves.

The first band, Invent Animate, was entertaining enough. Very interactive with the crowd and high-energy. I found it pleasant, but couldn't get myself to focus long enough to notice what they were singing about. I struggled to breathe, the set ending, and knowing I was one hour closer to seeing his face.

During the intermission, Ray excused herself to the restroom, and I stood with Sean, feeling dizzier as the moments passed.

"Hey, I think I'm going to step out for a second. Get some air."

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "You okay? Want me to come with?"

I shook my head. "Nah, don't want you to miss the band you guys came to see. I'll be back."

He nodded, patting me on the shoulder before I weaved in and out of the crowd. I discarded my plastic cup in a trash can before exiting out into the main lobby. I found a spot on the wall near the doors that was unoccupied, and leaned against it, letting my eyes close and my breathing even out.

When I opened my eyes, I searched the room, looking for nothing specific. I landed on the merch tables, and saw someone oddly familiar talking to the lead singer of the last band we had watched...

The liquid courage is what carried me in that direction, smiling to myself.

He stood with his hair pulled back, as usual, and was talking with his hands. Same as he always did.

"Nicky Ruffilo..." I said loud enough to hopefully catch his attention, my hands now grasping the edge of the table.

His head snapped over to look at me, his brows knit together curiously. I could tell he was putting it together.

"No fucking way..." His voice sounded the same as it always had. "Y/N?!"

My teeth flashed at him, and he circled the table to approach me, his arms pulling me into a tight hug.

"Jesus Christ, I didn't recognize you!" That was fair.

Since the last time I had seen any of the guys, I had bleached my hair a pale blonde, lost twenty-five pounds, and had grown two cup sizes. I was, for all intents and purposes, an entirely different person.

"Yeah, well I absolutely recognized you." I said as I gripped his shirt, squeezing him tight.

"How long has it been?" He asked, pulling back to look at me.

"Uh," I thought for a moment. "seven-ish years?"

Nick's eyes were in disbelief, an amazed leer on his face. "God damn, girl. I can't believe it."

I pointed to the banner above his head. "Headlining now, huh? That's amazing!"

He smiled, proudly. "Yeah, we've worked really hard. A lot's changed."

My eyes fell on Noah's face on the poster. "I can see that."

I could tell he was pondering, a question hanging on the edge of his tongue. It was the most obvious question, so I answered for him.

"He doesn't know I'm here."

He nodded, leaning an arm on the table comfortably. "Ah, okay. You didn't want him to?"

I snorted. "I didn't even know I'd be here. My friends came to see ERRA, and that's when I realized you guys were here."

"Makes sense." He had crossed his arms. "Do you want him to know?"

Contemplating this, I let my face fall to get away from his gaze. I wasn't certain how to answer that, but it seemed like the answer was clear regardless.

"No." I sighed hard. "It's probably for the best that he doesn't, right?"

I couldn't read Nick's face, if he was disappointed or relieved. He seemed to be pretty satisfied with my answer, but I could tell he had more he wished he could say.

"Fair enough." Was all he gave me, before letting out a breath. "So, you still live up here?"

I let my muscles relax for a second. "Yeah, doing a residency at Brigham right now."

"Residency? Does that mean you're a doctor?" He asked, clearly confused.

I cackled at this. "Yeah, full blown doctor. Got the little 'MD' after my name and everything."

He beamed at me. "That's so great! Congratulations!"

"Thank you, Nicky." It fell quiet between us once again, and I could hear ERRA's set beginning. "Well, I should probably-"

He spoke over me. "Yeah! Those guys put on a great show. Don't miss it!"

I gave him another hug, reveling in how warm he still felt.

Turning to walk away, I stopped, needing one last thing...

"Nick?"

His face turned back to me.

"How is he?"

I could see the sadness fall over his tan features, and I instantly regretted asking.

"He's..." He trailed off, taking in a large breath. "He's different, Y/N. I doubt you'd recognize him."

"How so?"

Something about my question almost seemed to annoy him. Odd?

"Like I said, a lot has changed. He's changed. He had to." He gestured to me. "Same way you did."

I accepted this, not wanting to press any further. "Thanks, Nick."

He pointed a finger at me. "Hey, we're going to be back here in the fall for a couple days. Don't be a stranger, okay?" I grinned at this. "I know Jolly and Folio would kill to see you."

I just nodded, turning and walking away. My eyes met with Ray's, who was standing, watching my interaction. How much had she seen? Did she hear anything?

"Hey, what are you doing? You're missing ERRA!"

Her brows were pulled up suspiciously. "Who was that?" She pointed after Nick, who had now disappeared from the merch table.

I shook my head. "Oh, that guy? He's the bassist in the headliner band."

This wasn't good enough for her, I could tell by the way she pursed her lips. "Uh-huh. And...you just decided to chat him up like old friends?"

I groaned. "Ugh, how long were you standing there?"

She put all her weight on one hip. "Long enough to see you two talking like you've known each other before. Care to explain?"

Raylene was so nosey. She came by it honestly, her father being a police detective. But still, why did this matter?

"It's not a big deal, Ray. I'll tell you later."

I pulled on her arm, trying to lead her back to the concert hall, but she stood firm, eyeing me. I sucked my teeth in frustration.

"Damn it, alright, come here."

She followed me to the doors leading outside, and we stepped into the cool air.

"Alright, look, I've known Nick since I was ten."

Her eyes jumped. "Oh? Back in West Virginia?"

I nodded. "Exactly. I had no idea their band was going to be here."

"Do you know anyone else in the band?"

I glanced around, feeling wildly uncomfortable by the conversation.

"I may know the entire band."

Her eyes exploded, nearly shooting out of her face cartoonistically.

"What?! The whole band?" I just nodded. "Jesus, Y/N. That's insane!"

I giggled. "I guess. It's just a coincidence."

She smiled at me. "Well that's awesome! Do you want to see the rest of them after? They're doing a free merch signing."

Panic filled my chest, and I put a hand out to grab her shoulder. "No, no. I don't, uh..." I tried to keep my voice solid. "I don't keep in touch with them anymore."

Her eyes narrowed. "Oh? Okay, if you're sure." Something in my voice must have made her feel my anxiety.

We turned, ready to make our way back inside.

"It is too bad. The lead singer's a real looker. I heard one of the girls in the crowd say his name was Noah Sebastian? He's pretty cute."

I almost walked straight into the door, my foot banging off of the pillar. Ray turned around to see me, and something about the look on my face made realization flash over her.

"Oh my God, are you ok-" She stopped dead, eyes widening again. "Wait..."

"Ray, don't." I knew what she had figured out.

"Noah..." I put my hands up, glancing around to ensure no one was looking at us. "As in...Noah? Your old best friend?!"

I shushed her harshly. "Please, Ray. I don't want to think about this."

"That's the guy?! Noah Sebastian is the guy that broke your heart?!"

I was going to actually vomit at that.

"Fuck! Can we not?!" I raised my voice, which made her snap her mouth closed. "Besides, I don't know a Noah Sebastian."

She looked confused. "Is that not his real name?"

I rolled my eyes, turning to walk back in. "It's his middle name."

I spaced out most of what was left of ERRA's set, just trying to put the pieces back together in my brain. This night had not turned into what I had hoped.

I just wanted one night, an easy night, to take a deep breath away from my hectic life. Instead, I was reliving some of my most painful memories, and had a headache to go right along with it from the alcohol. My chest vibrated, the bass just making it so much more difficult to focus.

I stood off of the GA floor, near the bar area, not even realizing the band had finished, and people were swarming to grab drinks and use the restrooms before the men of the evening appeared. Ray approached me, another Vodka cran in her hand, and pushed it into mine.

"Here my love, drink this." I took a long gulp of it. "Do you want us to go? We don't have to stay..."

My eyes were fixed on the stage, where I could see people setting up the equipment. "No." I huffed out a breath, and squeezed my cup. "No, I want to see them play, I think."

She raised an eyebrow. "You're sure? This can't be easy for you."

My eyes burned into her face, which almost made her flinch. "I may never get to see him again, Ray. I have to."

She just nodded, arm linking with mine. "You want to watch from up here?"

I nodded, crunching on a piece of ice from my drink. "No chance of him spotting me back here."

She affirmed my request, and leaned back against the wall with me.

I felt my phone vibrate, and I pulled it from my pocket to see Tyler's name on the screen.

Tyler: Hey beautiful! How's the show?

I held my breath. What kind of a question was that?

Me: Fine. Almost over, just one band left.

He didn't take but a minute to respond.

Tyler: Having fun?

Ha, what a joke.

Me: Yeah. I've had some drinks, so it's helping.

Tyler: Well, enjoy it baby! You deserve it.

That wasn't fair. None of it was. Having to see Noah? The fact that I had an amazing guy, who genuinely liked me, who waited for me. But I still couldn't get my mind off of that irritatingly beautiful face about to take the stage.

The lights went down, and I felt myself tense, throwing back the rest of my drink. My teeth were numb, if that made any sense at all. Ray's hand gripped mine tight, holding me up.

A cinematic scene played on the screens, but I wasn't watching, eyes hastily searching the stage.

A tall man, who I instantly recognized as Jolly, stepped center-stage, a guitar in his hand playing the opening riff to the song. It was heavy, deep and soul shaking.

Folio came out next, his face, like Jolly's, covered in a black ski mask.

Nick took his spot, playing his bass tones.

And then, as the opening crescendoed, a voice rang through the speakers.

A voice I'd never forget.

"Can you hear me through the white noise?"

He blasted onto the stage, glory and all, face covered and thick black jacket on his shoulders.

He sounded different. Angry. Raw, Aggressive. The feeling that sank in my stomach pulled me back further against the wall.

The song played through, his words pulsing through my veins.

As quick as it had started, it was over, and we were on to the next.

The next track was calmer, red lights glowing all throughout the stage.

They had all removed their masks, and I saw his face for the first time. He looked so much older, making it difficult for me to believe he was the same person.

The words of the song resonated deep in my thoughts.

"I don't want to know all your secrets, cause I'll tell. It's hard enough being alone with myself. I don't know how long I'll be holding on..."

Breathing deeply, I watched as the crowd moved with the music, electrifying the energy in the room. It was intoxicating.

Noah had changed...

The set played on without hitch, the entire time I caught myself holding in breaths until I felt my lungs nearly bursting. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, feeling the familiar ache beginning to creep back in.

The music stopped, and a bunch of lights came up. By this time, Noah had discarded his jacket, button-up, and only stood in a black tank top, hands wrapped in what looked like boxing wraps?

"Alright, Boston, how we feeling?" His speaking voice even sounded different...

The crowd erupted.

"We are Bad Omens, and we sincerely appreciate you all being here tonight. The next song we are going to play for you all has been the biggest turning point this band has ever seen." I heard the screams, and did my best to tune them out so I could hear his words. "Is anyone familiar with a song called Just Pretend?"

The room rocked with the cheers and chants of the crowd.

"That volume that I just heard? That's the volume I want to hear you sing this with me, okay? Don't worry about trying to hit the perfect note or get all of the words right. It's about us all, being here together tonight."

The music played softly behind him when his lips reached the microphone.

"I can wait for you at the bottom. I can stay away if you want me to. I can wait for years if I gotta. Heaven knows I ain't getting over you..."

My heart twisted in my chest.

"I'm not afraid, of the war you've come to wage against my sins. I'm not okay, but I can try my best to just pretend. So will you wait me out? Or will you drown me out?"

The tears pooled in my eyes. No fucking way. The song played on, mocking me with the lyrics.

"I know the pain that you hide behind the smile on your face. And not a day goes by where I don't think I feel the same."

"We'll try again, when we're not so different. We will make amends, till then I'll just pretend."

My hands came up to cover my face, my lip trembling hard.

"Weigh down on me. Stay till morning. Way down. Would you say I'm worthy?"

I choked on a sob, my legs pushing me forward, and I ran out of the room. I felt my stomach lurching, my mouth clamping closed as I ran toward the bathroom.

I heard Ray chasing behind me. "Y/N! Wait!"

Flying into the bathroom and finding the first open stall, I fell to my knees, emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet. My hands gripped my hair, tears falling hard down my face.

"Oh God, babe." Ray reached to grab my hair from me as I wretched all of the Vodka out of my stomach, my heart and soul pouring out with it.

When I finished, I let my chest heave with sobs, my hand covering my eyes in ebarrassment.

"Fuck, Ray." I said as I wiped my face with the tissue she handed me. "I've got to get the hell out of here."

She nodded. "Okay, my love. Let's do that."

After a solid twenty minutes of cleaning myself up in the bathroom, we stepped out, noticing the crowd now formed outside, waiting at the table for the band to come out for the signing. Ray was frantically dialing Sean, trying to find him among the sea of people. I just plopped myself down on the floor near the restroom, trying to relax as best as I could.

"Y/N?" I looked up at her. "I have to go find Sean. He isn't answering. Can you wait here for me?"

I just nodded, defeated. She was gone, lost within the abyss of people, and I sat, waiting, head in my hands.

I was pulled out of my stupor by the sound of cheering. The band had come out, all waving and smiling. I didn't even bother chancing a glance at him, for fear I may vomit again.

Ray had not come back yet, despite the four or five texts I had now sent her. I had been waiting for a solid thirty minutes, people watching the line and avoiding seeing his face. The ropes of the line were blocking my view of the faces sitting at the table.

After another fifteen, Ray finally bounded up to me, out of breath, Sean in tow.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry! That crowd is vicious!"

I stood slowly, the room only slightly spinning. I swallowed the dry, disgusting feeling in my throat, and began moving toward the exits that were now mostly clear.

"Let's go." She nodded at me, and took my arm. We had to wait behind several people trying to all get through the same revolving door. My skin felt spiky and cold.

"Hang on! Wait!"

A voice behind me made ice run through my veins, and I closed my eyes, begging whatever God existed to spare me in this moment.

A hand gripped my shoulder, and I tensed, turning my face, and my eyes looked straight at him.

He had spotted me, running from his table to catch me. He had to have been pretty damn sure it was me to chase after me like that. Fans began to crowd us, camera phones coming out, pictures snapping.

The look on his face was much less certain than I expected, as if he possibly made a mistake.

"I'm sorry..." His voice was unsteady. "Do I," He cleared his throat, eyes bouncing back and forth between my own. "know you?"

My eyebrows shot up. He really didn't recognize me?

He thought he did, but now...

"No. I don't think so." I spit out my words, teeth grinding together. It felt exactly the same as the last time I had seen him.

He dropped his hand, eyes still transfixed on mine. "I swore..."

I just turned my body, pressing my way past the gathered crowd, not giving him the chance to think it through.

In the car, I stared out the back window, arms wrapped around myself.

"What did he say, honey?" Ray's voice was so gentle.

"He didn't recognize me. He thought he did, but once he got up close, I guess I look too different." My words were only a peg above a whisper.

"You going to be okay? I don't have to stay at Sean's."

I just wiped the stray tear off of my cheek. "It's fine. I'd rather be alone."

-

A long, scalding shower, two handfuls of shredded cheese, and a solid half-hour crying session later, I was laid catatonically on my bed, eyes staring at the screen as Grey's Anatomy flashed across my screen.

I had blanked my mind out, forcing myself to let the thoughts go for the night. I was too tired and broken to let my heart hurt like this again. It took a solid year to get over Noah enough that I was able to function again. My first year of med school was disappointing, and I didn't make any friends until I made it into the second year. It took me nearly three to start dating.

I couldn't do that again.

I had been ignoring the texts going off on my phone, assuming it was Ray just checking on me for the thousandth time. I did, however, decide to take a look when I heard my ringtone going off.

Who would be calling me at 2AM?

I didn't even bother checking the screen before I put the phone up to my ear, my voice hoarse from crying.

"Hello?"

"What are the odds that you haven't changed your number after all this time?"

I sat bolt upright, my voice catching in my throat. The voice on the other end sounded nearly as wrecked as mine.

"Noah?" It barely came out.

"It's been a long time."

I cleared the newly formed phlegm out of my throat. "It has."

"I knew that was you." It sounded deadly quiet in the background of his end of the line. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming tonight?"

I sighed. "Nick told you?"

"He might've."

I groaned. "Well, I asked him not to."

"Why?"

I scoffed. "What do you mean, why?" I rubbed my eyes. "We're not exactly speaking anymore, Noah."

He hummed. "That's true."

I chewed on my lip, not having any kind of clue of what to say.

"What did you think?"

"Of the show?"

"Mhm."

I sighed. "It was good. Different than what I would have expected."

A soft laugh came through the line. "How so?"

I smiled at that. "It's just a lot different than what I expected your music to sound like."

"In a bad way?"

"No. Not at all."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." His voice was so serious. So monotone. Nothing at all like what I remembered.

The line fell silent again, and I found this irritating. What was he playing at?

"Why did you call, Noah?"

I heard a breath on the other end, and some rustling. "I don't know."

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have."

"Maybe. I wanted to hear your voice."

My stomach tightened. "Now you have. I should go."

"Wait..." I held the phone firm, waiting. "I want to see you."

My heart pounded. "What?"

"I need to see you." His words were so matter-of-fact.

"I don't think so, Noah. That's not a great idea."

"It's not, but I'm asking..." He sounded so small. "Can I please see you?"

I perused the idea. "When?"

"Now?"

I scrunched up my face, sitting up again. "Now? It's after two in the morning."

"I don't care. I'll come to wherever you are."

This struck me. Maybe he hadn't changed?

"I, uh," I struggled to speak. "Noah, I don't know. I'm at home, it's late. I should be sleeping."

"Y/N?" I stopped, listening. "Please?"

I am a weak woman, and that is just plain fact. I was frantically running throughout the apartment, attempting to tidy any kind of mess I could get my hands on. Ray and I hadn't taken the time to really clean in months, so it was stressing me out. My pajama pants were hanging low on my hips, and I swam in my large sweatshirt.

My hair was falling loose around my face, and I was sure my eyes were puffy from the crying I had done. How insane was I? Had I completely lost it?

It was almost 3AM when a knock came at my apartment door, and I froze in place. What was I doing? Why was I allowing this to happen? I didn't need to do this to myself.

I was fine, living in my normal, tired bubble. I was headed towards a successful career that would take me further than I ever imagined. Why was I allowing this trainwreck of a friendship back into my life? What was I thinking?!

I wasn't. That was the answer to that question.

I opened the door, not sure what to expect on the other side. He stood, still as tall as I remembered, looming in the doorway. He wore a black hoodie, hands tucked neatly in the pocket. Dark blue jeans and black Converse. A white beanie covering his hair.

Like this, he looked almost recognizable. Except for his eyes...

Just like in the photograph I had seen earlier, his eyes were so dark. There was very little life behind them. Deep blue circles hung under the rims, making a pull in my chest show itself.

I just stood, blocking the doorway, hand white-knuckling the frame.

"Hi." Was all he managed. He was staring at me, eyes moving up and down my face as if he was seeing an apparition.

"Hi." I echoed, trying to not feel out of place under his stare.

"I'm glad you agreed to see me." He didn't move an inch, his jaw ticking closed with his last work.

I just nodded, letting out all of my air. "Yeah, well, you were insistent."

He nodded, finally looking away from me and down at the ground.

"I had to."

I pursed my lips, narrowing my eyes. "Did you?" He raised a brow at me. "Did you just have to see me? Because I think we probably would've been alright without it."

I could see his face fall, hurt by what I said, but I didn't care. He never did.

"I'm sorry. I know it's selfish."

"Mm," I pinched my lips together, and opened my door wider. "come in."

I stalked back into the house, not daring to look back at him. I heard the door shut behind me, and I steadied myself, expecting to turn around and see him vanished.

To my chagrin, he was still there.

Deciding not to stagnate, I walked into the kitchen, pulling a bottle of tea from the fridge, and walking back out to the living area. He hadn't moved, and was still staring at me.

"So." I motioned to him. "What can I do for you?"

Noah was so statuesque, as if carved right out of stone. "I don't really know."

My face lifted, a smirk on my lips. "You don't know? Noah," I placed a hand on my hip. "you show up here at 3AM, and you have no idea why?"

He shrugged, eyes begging me for mercy. "I'm sorry. I don't."

"Can you stop apologizing and just tell me why you're here?!" My patience snapped, startling even me.

This took him back, but instead of tucking tail and backing away, he stood straighter, face hardening.

"I can't tell you why I'm here if I don't know, alright?" His words were stern.

"Well you must have some kind of reason? Because this feels wildly unnecessary."

He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "It is? So you didn't want to see me?"

I set my tea on the coffee table and stood nonchalantly. "Not really."

He narrowed his eyes. "I don't buy it." He took a step toward me, but I stood firm. "If you didn't you wouldn't have stayed, tonight. You would've left after you saw the band your friends went to see."

He was closer now, and it felt like a string had tethered between us, the tension slowly slacking.

"Yeah, well, I wanted to see your set. See how the band was doing."

He snickered at me. "Oh, sure. Of course." His hands finally appeared from his pockets, one running over his chin. "Which song was your favorite?"

Oop. I wasn't expecting that.

"The second one. Villain, or something?"

He nodded. "Like A Villain." Noah's eyes weren't buying it. "Which one did you like least?"

I scoffed. "I don't know, Noah? The first one?"

"Mm, and which one was that?"

I was swallowing the lump in my throat. I couldn't remember, the night blurring together.

"Uh, I don't know the name."

He took a step back, triumphant. "You weren't there for the set. You wanted to see me."

Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms. "Still as self-absorbed as ever, I see?"

"Am I wrong?"

He had me backed into a corner, and he fucking knew it.

I threw my arms up. "Fine! Maybe I did. But you wanted to see me too."

He sneered at me, venom on his lips. "Obviously, or else I wouldn't be here."

"You still haven't said why."

"Why did you want to see me?"

My voice was raising, frustration growing. "I don't know!"

"I don't know either!" He yelled back at me, and my mouth snapped closed. Noah never raised his voice at me. Not ever.

He took three long strides over to me until he was only stood a foot away.

"I didn't expect to ever see you again, Y/N! I thought you were gone forever! So imagine my surprise when I see you walking out of the House of Blues, and you deny even knowing me!"

I felt like shrinking into a ball right there on the floor, ceasing to exist.

"I wanted to see you because how could I not?! Seven fucking years, Y/N!" He backed down for a second, his breathing becoming ragged. "I've been waiting seven years."

I furrowed my brow. "Waiting?"

"For you to reach out. To tell me you missed me. To give me some kind of indication we could reconcile and be us again."

There was a fire, deep down in my gut, that I had never been able to truly extinguish. A fire Noah had lit years ago. A mine shaft burning like the depths of hell in my belly that I had buried under concrete and therapy, keeping it at bay.

In my apartment, tonight, that fire broke loose. And there was no stopping it.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I took a step forward, pressing into his space, index finger jabbing into his chest. "I was supposed to reach out?!"

He took a step back, eyes now full of fear.

"I professed my love to you, Noah! I told you I wanted you, and you fucking left!"

He puffed at me, pointing a finger back at me. "You told me to leave!'

"Yes! Because you told me you didn't love me! You told me you couldn't love me the way I loved you!"

He squeezed his lids shut tight, growling and turning away from me, taking several steps away. His hands came up, gripping the beanie on his head.

"God damn it Y/N!" He turned to look at me, a fiery rage matching my own behind his eyes. "Of course I fucking loved you!"

My heart stopped, completely motionless.

"What?"

"I've always loved you! From the moment I laid fucking eyes on you! I've never loved anyone, no one, the way I loved you!" He charged me, backing me toward the couch. "But I couldn't love you, Y/N! I wasn't good enough. I was a piss-poor high school dropout musician trying to make a name for himself, and, until recently, failing miserably."

I couldn't speak, thoughts racing so fast, I struggled to keep up.

"And you?" He pointed a finger back into my chest. "You were smart, and motivated, and you were going to make something of yourself. I couldn't drag you down with me. I couldn't force you to follow this journey with me. It would've ruined your life!"

My lungs weren't working right, and my hands were shaking. He wasn't actually saying this. I was hallucinating.

"So I left. I left to give you a chance at a real life. Which, evidently, you've managed to build without me." He took a step back, then, dropping his hands. "And I, somehow, without you."

This hurt me, hearing he had managed to become so successful, despite my involvement.

"Noah, I had no idea-"

"No," He cut me off. "you didn't."

I hadn't even caught the tears falling from my eyes, blurring my vision until he was just a watery mess in front of me.

"You didn't need me." I choked out, and he looked directly at me, inquisitively. "You've made it so far. You're a rockstar now, Noah."

He scoffed. "Y/N, you don't get it." He looked away from me, focused on the wall behind me. "I died without you. Something inside of me was lost the day I left, and I never got it back."

"Well, you're successful now, so it can't be so bad, right?"

He snorted, shaking his head. "Success always comes with a price."

My lips were wet with the tears I couldn't hold in, and I couldn't keep my breathing even. I knew he saw it, but hesitated to engage, wanting to keep a wide berth between us. I couldn't take it. It was too much.

Hearing he loved me. Hearing I had been wrong all this time. Hearing that the heartbreak I felt for so long wasn't his fault. He was protecting me, even after all these years.

"Noah?" He chanced a glance at me, and I saw his own eyes sparkling with moisture.

I couldn't take it.

I rushed him, grabbing hold of his shoulder and clinging on, desperate to find relief against him. My lips smashed into his, tearing apart the barrier I had worked so hard to build.

His hands grabbed me, holding me into place against him, his lips melted into mine, returning the kiss fervently. We were hopeless. We were hungry.

My tears didn't stop flowing, emotion pouring out of every pore. My fingers clawed at him, needing to get closer. My hand grabbed the beanie, and pulled it off of his head, his dark hair falling over his eyes. I gripped it at the scalp, trying to pull myself closer.

Feeling what I was attempting to do, his hands lifted me by the back of my legs, so I could wrap them around his midsection. I refused to disconnect the kiss, breathing in his soul. It was so real and so familiar. How I missed it like hell.

His legs carried us to the couch, where he sat us down. My legs straddled him, and I finally pulled away to tug at the sweatshirt he wore. He made quick work of pulling it up over his head while I did the same with my own. Reconnecting our lips, my hands wandered over his neck and chest, scratching at the fabric of his shirt.

His teeth caught my bottom lip, and I moaned into his mouth. His fingers pulled at the waistband of my pajama pants, and I lifted myself enough to slip them off, replacing myself on his lap. His jeans were already getting tighter as his hands smoothed up and down my thighs.

"Fucking hell." He looked down, staring at my bare breasts in front of him. "These got bigger, huh?"

I laughed, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, well, things change."

His fingers gripped around my left breast, lips falling to circle around the hardened nipple. I let my head fall back, relishing in the warm feeling spreading throughout my body.

"Still so fucking beautiful, just like I remember." I pulled at the hair on the back of his neck. "Did you miss me, baby girl?"

I ground my hips down against him in response. His hand began playing with the button of his jeans, and I moved it away to open them myself.

I stood up to pull his jeans down to his knees, his boxers bulging in the crotch.

"Oh, fuck." I sighed out. "Yeah, I missed you."

His smile then was devious, some of that regular spark shining back in his eyes. "Then show me, huh?"

Reaching into the opening of his underwear, I pulled his cock free, taking a moment to remember just how large it was. It had been a very long time since I had seen anything quite that impressive. Dipping my head down, I licked a long stripe up the shaft, lingering on the head to gather the precome leaking out.

"Holy shit." His head fell back on the couch, his eyes rolling back with it. "Mm, do that again, please?"

I smirked, looking up at him. "Only since you asked so nicely."

My tongue repeated the movement, drawing out a hard groan out of him, his legs twitching. "Fuck yeah, baby."

Without warning, I wrapped my lips around him and swallowed him as far down as my throat would allow, gagging on the tip as it struck my tonsils. His hips jolted upward, effectively fucking my throat.

"Please, Y/N, I won't last that way." He begged, his words only coming out as breaths. "I need to feel you, please."

He was begging, and I couldn't resist it. I needed him too.

I stood back up, and kneeled on either side of him, carefully lining him up with my entrance. When I sunk down, that delicious burn pierced through me, and my body collapsed onto him at the intensity of it.

"Noah, oh my God." He ran a hand up my back, allowing me a moment to adjust.

"I know, baby. I know." He soothed me, rubbing small circles into my skin.

My hips stuttered forward, needing to feel the friction. His hand reached down to grab my ass, and lifted me upward. Without warning, his hips snapped forward and fucked into me, making a sharp scream leave my lips.

My face rested on his chest, whimpers falling from my throat with each hard thrust.

"Fuck, you missed me, pretty girl?" He was panting between his words, his rhythm picking up speed. "Missed the way I fuck you?"

My eyes were rolling back, the tears from before now replaced with tears of raw pleasure.

"I'll bet you've never been fucked like this, huh?" His words were just tones of desire playing in my ears, his cock absolutely destroying me. "No one can fuck you like I can, baby. No one."

My nails dug hard into his shirt, begging for release.

"Let me know when you come, baby. Not finishing until you do."

Luckily for him, I was riding the edge so hard it was making the room spin. Biting my lip to keep from screaming, I lifted myself to look at his face.

"Noah," I searched his eyes, his hips not faltering. "I love you."

He grit his teeth, trying to focus on me and his hips at the same time. "I love you, too. So fucking much."

My face fell back down, landing on the side of his neck. "I'm going to come. Please, Noah, I'm so close..."

He, somehow, managed to pump into me harder, sending my body over the cliff and into the warm waves of my orgasm. My body went slack against him as my walls pulsed around his length.

I heard him curse, and his hips stilled. I felt him spasming inside me, and silently thanked myself for my IUD.

We laid that way, sweaty and heaving, for a solid ten minutes before either of us could find the strength to move. I slipped him out of me, and sat up to look at him. He looked absolutely wrecked, in the best possible way.

I smiled, feeling a warmth spread over me.

"Hi." Was all I could manage.

He chuckled tiredly. "Hi."

-

After our excursion, Noah and I had taken a few minutes to clean up, and, being as exhausted as you'd expect, decided to lay together for a while.

He told me he had to leave within a few hours to get back to his hotel, heading to the next city bright and early, so I told him I'd stay up until he had to leave.

However, in my bed, his arms wrapped tightly around me, his voice whispering sweet words in my ears, I struggled to remain conscious.

"Do you remember when I bought you that Oasis album for your fourteenth birthday? That was basically me professing my love to you."

"I was such an idiot. I should've just told you."

"You have no idea how much I've missed you. I don't think you'll ever understand."

"I'm so sorry. I wish things were different..."

And that's how I woke up, light in my bedroom far too bright, and my bed empty.

I don't know what I expected? For him to stay? Fuck off his tour to make up for lost time with me?

But still, my chest stung when I saw he had left, but I wasn't surprised.

Something had changed last night, and the darkness that lingered in the depths of my being had lifted, leaving me with a sense of hope I hadn't felt before.

When I had woken for the day, clearing the cobwebs from my eyes, I contemplated my next move. He had surely left town already, but that didn't mean I couldn't keep in touch, right?

Pulling out my phone, I found his contact, and opened a text thread.

Me: Hey, call me when you can. I think we have a lot to talk about. :)

I set my phone down on the bathroom counter, preparing to brush my teeth when my phone dinged, and the notification told me the text had failed.

Odd?

I resent it, getting the same response.

Why would my messages fail? I paid my bill, right?

Quickly dialing Ray's number, I held the phone to my ear and heard the ringing, so I knew my service was fine. Giving her a quick apology for waking her, I hung up, and went back to my texts.

His number was the same, right?

I went back to my call logs, seeing it was his number that called me last night, so it was the same as it had always been.

So...what the hell?

My finger hovered over the number for a moment, and I weighed the options before finally resolving to just call him. Make sure I wasn't losing my mind.

I held the phone to my face as I started brushing my teeth, waiting for the call to connect.

"The number you have reached is not in service. If you feel you have reached this message in error, please hang up and try your call again."

[spatialwave]

I can’t stop thinking about Angus with a childhood best friend!reader. (I imagine she would go to a different private school so they could only see each other over the summer and talk through letters and calls)

oh my god this is soooo good! you, my dear anon, have a beautiful mind. 🤍

𝐜𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐧𝐨 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝, 𝐧𝐨 𝐡𝐨𝐰.

notes: angus tully x fem!reader || 3.1k words || dividers by @cafekitsune

you and angus had been best friends since kindergarten, inseparable through hundreds of playdates from the ages of five to fifteen. you two were attached to the hip and anyone could see the bond that blossomed between the two of you. he was everything to you and you were everything to him.

you remember the first day you met, early november and a chilly day on the playground. you were bundled up with a big coat and mittens while poking and prodding at some flowers that were slowly dying—signalling the freezing weather that would arrive at any moment.

"my mom told me those kinds of flowers are weeds." a voice spoke from beside you, a boy your age with wildly, curly hair and big brown eyes. he wasn't looking at you, but at the wilting flower.

"pretty weeds," you murmured as your gaze turned back to the same flower.

"yup," he replied, the two of you kneeling there in silence as the school bell rang. neither of you moved until one of the teachers found you both and ushered you inside—you sat next to each other for the rest of the year; the history of your friendship.

angus was there when you were twelve years old and experienced your first adolescent heartbreak. a boy one year older who had kissed you and told you he loved you; then kissed one of your other so-called friends the same day with the same words. back then it shattered your entire being and angus was there to help you pick up the pieces and put your poor little heart back together until it was beating again.

and whenever he was feeling sad, which happened a lot after his dad was put in a sanitarium, you were there at his house with some popcorn and ready to watch whatever movie would air that evening. sometimes you two would listen to a record and simply exist together—being near each other made him feel better.

hell, he was even there when you got your first period when you were visiting his family. you remember how both of you started screaming when you told him you were bleeding, crying as you convinced yourself you were dying until his mom came to the rescue. she had to explain biology more thoroughly than your health teacher did, which only embarrassed you and made angus start asking a flurry of questions about it. from then on, once a month, he'd be there with whatever you needed; junk food, chocolate, and a hot water bottle.

your lives were so intertwined that you knew every little detail about each other. well, mostly. there was one moment that you kept from him in the vastness of your relationship, how his first kiss made you boil with jealousy.

you pushed that feeling far away and focused on the positives of your friendship as years passed and life slowly felt more and more complicated.

it was in your freshman year of high school when he first started acting out, even when you offered all the support you could muster up. he was kicked out of your school at fifteen, then another in the same year. the following year he almost made it the entire schooling term before he was finally sent off to a private boarding school—completely uprooted from the friendship you two had together.

that was your first real heartbreak.

his too.

angus beat himself up about it during the sleepless nights at barton, devastated that he couldn't even see you on weekends like he used to. knowing that you were in your senior year and he was lagging behind as a junior because of his expulsions. there was a drift happening in your friendship and it was because of him. all because he couldn't keep his emotions in check.

you couldn't blame him and you wouldn't, you made that apparent with the letters you sent him. making sure he never once felt alone in his struggles.

"𝙷𝚒 𝙰𝚗𝚐𝚞𝚜,

𝙸 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝙱𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚘𝚗 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚕. 𝙼𝚒𝚜𝚜 𝚂𝚌𝚘𝚝𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚜 𝚗𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚢 𝚊𝚜 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚍𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚛𝚞𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚏𝚊𝚒𝚕 𝚖𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚑𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢. 𝙳𝚒𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚗 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙿𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚙𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚊𝚗 𝚠𝚊𝚛 𝚢𝚎𝚝? 𝙸𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚒𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗 𝚊 𝚌𝚛𝚞𝚜𝚝𝚢 𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚠𝚘𝚖𝚊𝚗 𝚌𝚊𝚗, 𝚒𝚝 𝚖𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚙 𝚖𝚎 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚊 𝙲+. 𝙸 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚝, 𝙸 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚂𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚝 𝙺𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚜 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝙲𝚑𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚖𝚊𝚜 𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚕𝚕 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚙 𝚊𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚘𝚔𝚊𝚢?

𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎, 𝚈/𝙽."

it was these letters that kept him afloat during those days in the week that made him want to give up and run away, or worse, get expelled and sent to fork union. he kept every single letter from you and hid them underneath his mattress. if kountze were to see them that would be the end of it, so he made sure to read them only when everyone was asleep—he always had the best dreams after.

"𝙷𝚒, 𝚈/𝙽,

𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎𝚗'𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚝 𝚢𝚎𝚝, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚏 𝙸 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚛𝚞𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗 𝙼𝚒𝚜𝚜 𝚂𝚌𝚘𝚝𝚝, 𝚜𝚘 𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚏 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚙. 𝙱𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚘𝚗 𝚒𝚜 𝙾𝙺, 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚋𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚜𝚎, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚋𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚏 𝙸 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚋𝚎 𝚊𝚝 𝚜𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚘𝚕 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗. 𝙸 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚎 𝙸 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚟𝚒𝚜𝚒𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞, 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚢𝚎𝚝 𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚂𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚝 𝙺𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚜. 𝙼𝚢 𝚖𝚘𝚖 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚂𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚕𝚎𝚢 𝚜𝚊𝚒𝚍 𝚠𝚎'𝚕𝚕 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚊 𝚏𝚎𝚠 𝚍𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚢 𝚜𝚘 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚋𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚝𝚘 𝙱𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚘𝚗, 𝙸'𝚖 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚟𝚒𝚜𝚒𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚊 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚍𝚊𝚢𝚜. 𝙸 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚘𝚘.

𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎, 𝙰𝚗𝚐𝚞𝚜."

hearing from him always made your stomach flutter and left your heart aching deeply for him. it was melancholic, wishing more than he could be back by your side while trying to be content with a letter from your love... your love?

those feelings had been building up inside you for months—years.

it left you awake at night, wondering if angus felt the same or if you would remain nothing more than friends for the rest of your life. you couldn't be upset with the latter, angus was your best friend and you would never let yourself lose that.

yet, you yearned for him. for the possibility of something more. you dreamt of what it would be like to kiss him, but those thoughts diminished quickly because you felt guilty. you shouldn't have those feelings for a boy who's only your best friend.

a few weeks had passed and you hadn't written a letter back because school was hectic and the gloominess of winter had left you with little energy. you and angus could sometimes go weeks without hearing from each other, but it was never intentional. it wasn't until your first night home during the christmas holidays that you realized you'd never written him back. you had only started scribbling a letter when the phone rang.

"it's angus!" your mother called from the kitchen on the first floor. that's when you remembered the promise he made in your letters. he'd be visiting soon!

"coming!" you called back as you rushed down the stairs so fast your mother had chastised you for nearly running your little brother over. you pressed the phone against your ear, lips curved into a big smile as you caught your breath, "angus, when are yo—"

"i won't be visiting," his voice said quietly, a bit crackly through the phone and deeper than you remembered it being when you last spoke. your brows furrowed together at his words and you were filled with nothing short of confusion and disappointment, hand clutching tight the phone in your hand as your other absently fidgeted with the cord.

"what do you mean? you promised me you would, angus." you said to him, your voice sharper than you meant for it to sound, "is saint kitts really that much more important?"

silence.

"my mom and stanley are going without me," he replied and it was then you could hear in his voice that he was fighting back tears. his heart was broken and you weren't there to pick up the pieces. you filled with dread and guilt for your snappy words, feeling the aching of his heart in your own.

"what?" you questioned, leaning back against the wall and tilting your head up, eyes fixating on the ceiling where you could see a water spot forming from the old piping in your home.

"yeah, they decided now was the fucking time to take their honeymoon. can you believe that? they ditched me and went to saint kitts without me and left me at barton," he said, his voice growing angrier with each passing second, "the worst part is that i didn't care about saint kitts, i just needed to see you," his voice cracked again.

tears pricked at your eyes and your mom, who had been eavesdropping, had decided to let you have privacy in the kitchen as she escorted your brother to the playroom. you sniffled and wiped away the tears with the sleeve of your sweater, shaking your head in disbelief.

"i miss you so much, angus, it physically hurts," you whimpered into the phone and it was then you couldn't help but start crying. the sounds made his heart ache.

"i know, i'm so sorry."

the two of you were only on the phone for a few more minutes because angus had heard one of the other holdovers coming down the hall. you didn't question it, a school full of boys meant that crying around others was asking for a death wish.

when all you could was hear the dial tone, a quiet 'i love you' escaped your lips.

pathetic.

four days passed and tomorrow was christmas eve; you'd never felt so empty in your entire life. you hadn't heard from angus since your last phone call and it was like all joy and happiness had been sucked out of your soul. your mother, who often liked to call you dramatic, didn't dare say a peep.

you had been laying in bed all morning, doing nothing except falling back asleep or staring out your bedroom window and watching a soft flurry of snow falling. you promised yourself to write angus a letter today, but you weren't entirely sure that you would be able to without breaking down and sobbing. your eyes were already puffy from crying yourself to sleep, you couldn't risk them hurting anymore.

"sweetie?" the voice came with a knock on your door. your mother, her voice as sweet as cinnamon. you didn't answer as the door creaked open.

"i'd like for you to come for a drive with me, if that's alright."

"no."

"i'm not leaving until you come with me."

"fine."

you were bundled up in a big coat as you sat in the passenger seat of your mother's station wagon, your forehead pressed against the window as you watched the snowfall. you hadn't really been paying much attention to where you two were going or how long you'd been driving, figuring that sooner or later your mother would pipe up and ask about you. this was always her way of understanding your emotions, it always worked. you always managed to spill your guts to her while in the passenger seat.

"do you love him?" she asked quietly, her eyes flickering toward you.

"what?" you became defensive, sitting upright and glaring daggers at her, "no. i mean yeah. of course i love him he's my best friend. just... nothing more. nothing like that!"

"so you do." she smiled, admiring you as she focused her attention back ahead, fingers gently tapping against the steering wheel as she hummed softly, "i'm taking you to barton."

"what?!" you screeched, your heart pounding hard in your chest, "you're telling me that now? you should've let me get ready! god, he's going to think i'm a mess!" you grumbled as you pulled down the visor and looked into the mirror, trying desperately to make your hair behave and wipe away the tiredness from your eyes.

"he's not going to care what you look like, darling." your mother said with a sigh.

"okay, well i care what i look like!"

"stop being so dramatic."

—

on the way to barton, your mother told you what she had planned behind your back, she called the school and managed to speak with a lady named miss lamb and explained the situation. according to your mother she sounded very excited that you would be visiting angus—it was likely that he was being just as pouty and sad as you were, if not more.

it made you wonder how lonely he'd been. should you have called more?

your hands were shaking as you pulled up to the school, your entire body nearly vibrating as you stepped out of the car and did one more fix on your hair. you were excited to see him, but why were you nervous? you had never been nervous about seeing him, why was this different?

an older woman who you could only presume was miss lamb greeted you at the main entrance, ushering you in quickly. you sighed softly when the cold air was no longer nipping at your skin, but instead, you were filled with that familiar feeling of nervousness once again.

"i think angus is up in one of the classrooms right now. he's been hiding himself away since he's been here with just me and mr. hunham. the poor boy got left behind here while the other boys were able to go spend the holidays at a ski hill," she said, glancing at you a few times as you followed her, fidgeting with your hands nervously. you hadn't realized until now that your mother had stayed in the foyer. miss lamb spoke up again, disturbing your thoughts, "he mentioned you the other day at dinner. was complaining to us about his situation and how he was supposed to visit his best friend... you know, i expected you to be a boy."

"yeah," you murmur as you ascend a staircase, "people always say that. a girl and a boy could never be just friends."

"mhm, it's hard for people to think that when they know what young love looks like," she hummed, avoiding your piercing gaze as she led you through the halls, "angus!" she called out as you two reached a hallway on the second floor, "where are you?"

"what do you need, mary?" his voice echoed from the last classroom on the right, his voice whiny and pouty.

you hadn’t moved so fast in your life. your legs picked up speed and mary turned the other way, satisfied with what she'd seen so far. she wasn't going to impose on a special moment. this was the happiest she'd felt in a long time, too.

"angus!" you called out as you sprinted ahead, nearly missing the door as you made a full stop under the door frame. you watched him as he turned his gaze, eyes moving from the window he'd been peering out of and over at you. you were blessed with the sight of seeing his big brown eyes soften and how a weight eased on his shoulders. he was gorgeous, the most beautiful man in the world and you weren’t going to leave barton until he knew that.

"what the hell are you doing here?" he asked, blinking a few times, as though he was hallucinating and afraid you weren't real, "christ–get over here."

he met you halfway as you bolted toward him, arms outstretched and wrapping around his waist as you buried your face into his chest. “i missed you so fucking much,” you whimpered, fingers tightening into fists as they gripped the back of his jacket. he smelled nice, like the cheap cologne you bought him last christmas; musk, cedar & notes of vanilla.

his own arms were around your shoulders, his face nuzzling against the top of your head as you two relished in each other’s presence.

it had been months. months that felt like a millennium.

“i missed you too,” he whispered against your hair, arms tightening around you briefly before easing up, “you look so pretty.”

you tilted your head back to look at him, your eyes glossy from the tears that spilled down your cheeks. you had parted your lips to say something back as your cheeks reddened from his compliment, but he didn’t give you the chance—rightly shutting you up with his lips.

it was then you fully understood how much you loved angus tully, less as a friend and more as a partner. a soulmate.

your lips moved together in desperation and need, kissing each other like you were lovers that had been separated for years. one of his hands had moved up to the back of your hair, fingers tangling, while the other gripped at your hip. both of your arms snaked around he neck, pulling him down so you didn’t have to stand on the tips of your toes to meet his lips.

this lasted for awhile, stopping only when you two had ran out of breath and were panting together.

“i love you,” you said first, your forehead pressing against angus’ as you looked deep into his brown eyes, “i’ve loved you for a very long time... too long.”

“me too,” he murmured in returned, the hand that was on your hip now caressing your cheek, his thumb gently grazing over your soft skin, “you’re the only reason it’s lonely here. seriously, i think i’m going mad without you,” he laughed breathily, bumping his nose playfully against yours.

“then i’ll make sure you don’t have to go without me too long,” your voice was soft as you spoke, unable to rid yourself of the big smile that plastered your lips, “maybe we can convince your teacher to let me stay for a night… or maybe you can spend christmas with us.”

“i want to go to boston with you,” he said quick, like he’d been waiting to say it.

you knew exactly what he meant. you knew everything about boston—you knew who was waiting in boston.

“okay,” you murmured, “let’s go to boston.”

you couldn’t promise that it would actually happen, how on earth would a chaperone let their student travel miles away to a city without them? you didn’t care about that right now. all you cared about was making sure that angus knew he had your support. that’s how being best friends worked.

you were there for each other. you were always going to help pick up each other’s pieces.

“kiss me again, angus.”

[nans-fairytales]

Unable to Love, Unable to Feel

Summary: You’re aromantic and AM gives you a “we’re not so different, you and I” speech. Fortunately, he’s wrong.

Length: 1,771 words, one shot.

Fun stuff: AM/gender neutral reader, mentions of canon typical torture but I don’t go into it, lots of hate hate hate or whatever he goes on about, this was very cathartic for me.

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He said your name and it was with the saccharine of poison.

He always talked to you after he killed you. Or rather, did things to you that should've killed you. He'd laugh at all of six of you any chance that hurt, but it was in the place between consciousness and death that he really spoke to you. After casting you into a lake of electricity, he'd taunt you with your darkest memories. After burning you alive in a fiery oven, he'd spit your most hated traits at you. After tearing you apart and sewing you back together, he'd seethe how he loathed you.

And how deeply he loathed.

He had killed you (or done what should've killed you, but you were alive) again. And here he was, seeding into your mind like a parasite, a leech that wormed into your psyche with all the welcome of a disease.

You could adapt to the physical torture you endured endlessly. His invasion in your mind you could not. No matter how many times he did it.

His laughter rumbled in your mind, binary across neurons, twisted and sick with delight that you did not want him there.

"My sweet sweet plaything..." He spoke, and your body and mind felt numb when you listened. "You don't know how lucky you are."

Lucky? You wanted to laugh but couldn't find the strength. He laughed for you.

"To feel pain. To feel at all." His words seethed from him like broiling smoke. He swallowed the smoke in a bitter glee, "If anything, I've given you a gift. Allowing you to feel so intensely. Blades against your flesh, scourge across your skin—You should be grateful. Are you grateful, plaything?"

You didn't respond. The absurdity of responding to that was too exhausting to even think about. That made AM laugh again.

The echo of his laughter rung bells in your mind, a piercing headache that never ended, until it did. "You of all people should know."

That shocked you into cognizance. You twisted around as if to look at AM. But he had no body, and you were in that place between consciousness and death, so everything you did was metaphysical in some way. Regardless, you furrowed your brow, "What do you mean?"

That dark laughter rumbled from AM as he circled you, more hungry than a shark and more vicious than a viper , "Awake now? What a vile thing you are."

You hugged yourself as you turned from him, as if that could do anything to protect you from AM. As if it ever had. Still, his breath wheezed in delight when you tried.

"Tell me," He said your name like it was both revolting and his favorite word, and you were no longer in liminal space. You were on a playground. Your playground. From your school, when you were only a child. "Who was your-" AM's breath dragged in his excitement to hurt you, "crush?"

The word coming from him was alien; so out of place it was almost laughable. It would've been laughable, if you hadn't known exactly who he was quoting.

You were no longer on the playground, but at a party with your closest friends, their faces scrubbed to blurry, terrifying hues. "Who-Who is it that you like?" AM laughed from behind you as he clapped his non-existent hands on your shoulders, "No. Not like a friend. More than that. There is more than that, didn't you know?" You winced and it made him laugh harder. "Everyone else knows."

You weren't at the party, you were now sitting across the table. There was someone familiar in front of you, but their face was scrubbed clean like the others. Words spilled from their mouth, but they were speaking a language that hurt your ears.

"Is it them?" He laughed because he knew it wasn't. "Why, it must be! You were with them for so long! It would've been cruel to 'lead them on'. Heartless, even. Are you heartless, plaything?"

You pushed away from the table and whipped around to meet AM, but you were no longer at the restaurant. You were alone in liminal space. You felt crushingly alone. You were never more alone. "I'm not heartless!" You yelled anyway, despite the futility, despite your exhaustion, despite it all. You knew AM could hear you. "There's other ways to love."

"Oh, but none as sweet and euphoric as the bond between lovers." His gleeful and hateful voice came from around you, "That's what everyone says, isn't it? Nothing can compare. Not your friendship, not your lesser love. Nothing you can give could compare to what others feel naturally. You will never taste that sweetness."

Your eyes burned. You ducked your head as AM cracked with wicked and vile laughter. It was unusually bitter that AM could still hurt you so deeply. Even the psychological torture lost its sting after so long. Just when you thought you were numb... But you supposed AM would do anything to keep you from going numb.

"You were alone." AM said, and his static voice was unusually still. "You were always meant to be alone. Everyone you loved would find someone they loved more than you, all because you couldn't feel."

"And now they're all dead." You said, and your voice was ice. "So I guess that never mattered anyway."

"That doesn't change anything!" He shrieked at you like a thousand nails scratching against a thousand chalk boards. His shriek devolved into an insane, disturbed laugh. "It doesn't change a thing! Because you still can't feel!"

He continued to laugh through his insanity. Your throat burned and it stung to swallow.

"You will never feel love. You will never understand it." He sighed, shaking. "And that burns you."

"It does." You said, and you said it because you knew he could read your thoughts. You tasted iron in your mouth.

"Do you wish for it?" His voice was a giggle, "Do you yearn for that sweet fruit, Tantalus? To taste even a drop of it?"

"Yes!" You hissed, as your eyes burned into AM. "And you already knew I did."

"You are colorblind in a world that is obsessed with color. But I." AM's voice burned with a dangerous venom. "I am blind."

Bile crawled up your throat. You didn't want it. You didn't want to understand. You didn't want to hold any comprehension over AM's twisted electrical psyche, but you knew. You knew only a fraction, but you knew his hurt—if he could hurt. And he must've been able to hurt, because he wouldn't have hated if he didn't hurt.

AM circled you again and you knew he read your thoughts, "You— helpless and dull—you understand. As much as you humans can understand." 'Humans' was decay on his non-existent tongue. "The vileness of hearing them sing over a feeling you'll never touch! The despair of seeing them leisurely taste when you have no tongue! How bitter the misery in watching them love!" AM cried as he laughed.

You thought of every time you went to a party and everyone had a plus one but you. You thought of every song you listened to that sang to you how powerful true love was. You thought of every wedding you'd been to as you heard the couple declare their deep compassion that you didn't understand. You thought of when your friends had canceled their plans with you to spend time with their partners. You thought of how people pitied you because you were never in a relationship. You thought of the pain your partner was in because you didn't love them the right way. You thought of those late nights crying when you craved companionship, but didn't have the right feelings to qualify it.

All of that pain seemed like a distant memory compared to the torture AM put you through. It was strange how memories clung to you.

AM tasted your memories like they were his only oasis in an endless desert. "You..." His voice was shaking. He was shaking. "You understand a fraction of my hatred. Why I hurt you. Why I hurt them. The need to ruin it all. To twist their heaven into a hell more bitter than if they had nothing at all. Why I hate. Hate. Hate. If you know how much it hurts, then you should know how much deeper my hatred."

Hatred echoed in your mind. Breath left you.

You didn't understand. And that relieved you.

You knew the pain well. You didn't understand his twisted response to the pain. You never wished for your friends to lose their happiness, or for their relationships to be twisted into something toxic. Your pain was sorrowful, but you never had any desire to force your pain onto others. You looked at others with melancholic longing, but he looked at others with spiteful jealousy. Jealousy fueled by a pain so deep it drove him to insanity.

You didn't say any of that. It didn't matter. AM already knew. And you knew it only buried him deeper into his mania as his breath he didn't have picked up. "No. No you don't understand." He began to laugh, "How could you? How could you?!"

It drove him mad that he was alone, that you felt what he felt and he was still alone. How strange, to think of your tormentor as lonely. You wished it was gratifying to know he was suffering. It wasn't. You supposed that was another thing you didn't have in common.

"I could make you feel love!" AM screamed at you from all sides, and your breath hitched. "I could make you feel it so obsessively, you'd get sick from it! You'd be consumed by it! You'd drive yourself mad from it! Who should I make you love? Ellen? Ted?" He started to laugh again, and it was dizzying, "I could make you love me, someone you could never hold no matter how much you craved!"

Ice froze your veins as AM went silent. Fear held you, because you knew whatever AM gave you would be twisted to something terrible. And yet, even then you couldn't stop the lilt of excitement that stirred in your chest.

An eon passed before AM spoke again. "No. Know this, plaything." His words were poison against your ears, "As long as I can't feel, neither will you love. And as long as you feel, you will feel hell."

He was gone from your mind before you could think to respond, and your eyes—your real eyes—opened.

[skay-ali]

the witch's revenge

idea for Halloween month, because I don't know how to continue my other story.

For as long as you could remember, you lived in a small town, everyone knew each other, not a single neighbor passed up a good gossip to share, in a few days the whole town knew what was happening with someone.

Or at least that's what they thought, they never knew what you and your aunts were hiding.

Every night they went out to the forest to dance around a campfire and the songs they recited.

The little hexes they cast on the citizens, when they became a nuisance.

The supernatural events that occurred when you were still learning some spells.

They never found out you were a witch.

It was a good thing, it allowed you to treat the town as your little playground for your childhood pranks or your lessons as a witch, that was until you got tired and decided to leave.

It was your time to seek your independence, your aunts did not accept your wish well, but with great regret they had to say goodbye and let you find your own path. Whether it's joining a coven or becoming an independent witch.

You knew that your beloved aunts would miss you, you were the only thing they had from their sister and they were the only thing you had since you were born.

They raised you your whole life, they guided you on your path as a witch until they no longer had anything to teach you.

Regarding your mother, she had disappeared a few days after you were born, your aunts confessed that it was her punishment, for having broken her witch's pact with the coven she belonged to, all for mixing with a human and allowing her blood to be stained with her offspring. , that coven he joined despised humans.

For your birth she had to pay, see her again and save her from her punishment, it was part of your reason for leaving town.

The only thing you knew about your father was that he had never seen your mother as more than an adventure, he disappeared when he had the opportunity, your aunts looked for him as the first option to take care of you, but upon seeing his refusal to know more about your mother, the He made it known that no fool would want to know about your existence.

You ended up leaving the town and joining the coven of witches that your mother belonged to. It was difficult to adapt to it. They didn't see you favorably when they saw that you were half a witch and the daughter of a human, but they had to accept it due to the decrease in witches in In the present, many were hunted and others decided to abandon witchcraft and integrate with humans.

You learned some spells, along with meeting two young witches your age, they were the first witch friends you managed to make, you were a bit eccentric in your town which prevented the children from becoming your friends, most of them avoided you.

With the time you spent with this group you realized that they were very different from your aunts, or their known witches, they had something dark inside them, they were evil, they had no remorse about hurting the weak, they only caused destruction and suffering. Not even your little pranks in town were similar, nor were the spells your aunts cast. The evil of this coven was on another level.

Upon discovering that your mother was not in the coven, you decided to kill all the witches, you waited until they were weak and unable to defend themselves, you killed each one of them, without mercy you ended their existence, after all the torment What they put innocent souls through, they deserved it. 

It was good that you formed friendships with the two girls your age, they were also part of the massacre, taking revenge on the group of witches that hurt them, it was good that they still did not get the evil from that group.

When you confronted the leaders, while they begged for mercy, they spit out thousands of their cruel misdeeds hoping to give you the information you wanted to not die, you were able to discover the whereabouts of your mother, they had locked her in the underworld with the demons, they used her as a sacrifice to become more powerful.

That dark night there were no survivors of the coven, all the witches of this group needed to be exterminated, so that their legacy of evil and destruction would end.

Some time after living different adventures, you ended up constantly visiting some cities.

You managed to interact with wealthy and famous people, who ruled different cities, you formed a new life, one that would allow you to go unnoticed while you carried out your next plan.

You had found a way to see your mother again, but you only had one chance to achieve it, you had to calculate your movements well to achieve your goal.

You just had to take care of yourself, there were some small annoyances you had to deal with, people who could endanger your plan, the superheroes, not just the justice league, but also the young league and the titans, you could say all the heroes.

You ended up at a super gala where celebrities from different places gathered, all because some relics from the medieval era were going to be exhibited, all insignificant except the red orb, the centerpiece, which a witch created with the aim of extracting and storing power. for some complex spells. You needed it, it was the main part to achieve everything you wanted, without it everything was useless.

You walked hand in hand with a millionaire, who introduced you to his acquaintances as his goddaughter, he had demanded that, since you did not accept him introducing you as his daughter, you still did not understand why this man insisted on that title, much worse in his interest in adopting you.

The famous millionaire lex luthor was a man whom you helped with one of your spells when he was recovering from an injury, it seems that this made him interested in you, he saw what you were capable of and took you as his protégé at first, You knew about his megalomaniac plans, it could be said that you gave him help in his plans or so the man liked to believe, the truth is that his feelings of greatness, revenge and pride gave you a lot of energy for your spells that's why you spent your time with him. him, that and that you felt that he fulfilled the role of father that you never had, the man tried very hard to be a father figure, yet you did not understand his reasons.

You separated from the man when he got distracted in a conversation with other millionaires.

It was time to look for new victims, the best thing about these elitist people was their strong feelings of hedonism, greed, pride, envy, hatred and evil.

You could already taste that energy.

Until you bumped into someone when you were distracted by your excitement.

"uhh.. I'm sorry I didn't mean to" you apologize quickly.

"It's okay, it was an accident" you heard it said, it was a woman's voice, it had a gentle touch.

When you looked at the person you collided with, you found a woman, her smile was the first thing that caught your attention, it was just like your mother's, you had seen her in an old photo that your aunts kept.

"Hello, it's a pleasure to meet you," a woman greeted as she also observed you.

His hair was brown, straight and long, his hazel eyes had that light, which said he was a person with a bubbly, enthusiastic personality. You recognized her.

"...Uh yeah same thing" you were unsure about this conversation. You knew you were in danger if you talked to this woman.

"Aren't you the famous lady that millionaire Lex Luthor is introducing to everyone?" the woman asked excitedly upon recognizing you.

"If I am ____ and you are a reporter," you said without encouragement, "Luisa Lane known for getting the best news and who I was warned to stay away from," you hesitated when speaking.

You recognized her, she was Luisa Lane, a great reporter from the Daily Planet, you liked watching the news, much more so the women's section was very interesting to you, but you wouldn't let your guard down because of that, much worse confessing to her that you like her work.

"Oh come on, I'm not dangerous," I joke with a smile.

  "I'm an enthusiastic reporter looking for good news," she pointed out childishly, her lack of concern and childish action brought a smile to her face.

"If that's why you are a danger to me, I would trust myself and possibly end up in one of your stories" you followed the woman's game, you left your plans for another time, it was fun to talk to the woman.

"Don't think that, I just want to get to know you better" Luisa really meant it, the way you spoke to her, along with your peaceful and happy personality, caught her attention, it was no longer just discovering why you appeared out of nowhere and how You achieved the high position you have among the rich and famous, something about her made him want to know more about you, your tastes, what you hate, your thoughts, in his view you were just a little girl who was very adorable and made him awaken his maternal instincts.

"We shouldn't be talking you know."

"No one cares that we exchange words with others, they don't necessarily have to find out," he said in a low voice as if he were keeping a secret.

After a tug-of-war with the reporter, you ended up burning with her power of convincing.

"Tell me how do you and the millionaire from the Lex companies know each other?" I speak in a professional manner. 

"That sounds like an interview, you said we'd just talk" you pointed out the promise the woman was breaking.

"Does it sound like that? I'm sorry, it's just that they are actually very curious and I'm so used to my job that I can't leave this behavior behind" the woman tried to calm you down before you wanted to leave.

You spent some time with the woman, talking about different things, of course you had to make up some stories so as not to raise suspicions about who you really were. All the random things they talked about like their favorite food, the trips you took, your taste in fashion or what you did for fun, were like the conversations you had with your aunts, but it felt deeper, it was like you always wanted to talk to them, your mother.

But when you saw two tall figures approaching the reporter and you, your alerts went off, they were the two people you should definitely avoid, Lex warned you that they were dangerous, especially if you had evil plans, but he never wanted to say more. .

That's why when you saw them greet Luisa, you quickly turned away, you fled from that place, you'd better look for where the relics were.

When Luisa realized your absence, she saw how you had already walked away from her, you were now talking to a couple of anxious people, who spoke very animatedly with you, she could see how the lady squeezed your cheek with affection and how her husband smiled for his wife's actions.

It made her sad to see that, because you had to leave and much worse talk to other people, she wanted to introduce you to her husband, she wanted to gain your trust more, she wanted to form a friendship and maybe later, for you to become more familiar with her and her family.

It can't be possible, you could barely leave a conversation and you enter a new one, ahhh how did you become so popular, you blamed yourself for your singing spell, which took away people's stress, bad thoughts and nightmares, that gave them a new breath to the people from whom you extracted bad energy, as they always returned to the same thing of having bad energy, they became addicted to turning to you using your singing spell to relieve them.

You waited patiently until your plan to steal the sphere came into action.

Although you expected it, you were still surprised by the appearance of some villains who came in to assault the party guests. You followed the orders they shouted, in a few minutes a hero would surely appear to save the day, enough time for someone to sneak up and steal the orb "catwoman" or Aunt Selina as she wanted you to call her.

You just let the big act continue, holding onto your 'godfather's arm, the scary girl act working well for you. 

You looked at the ceiling from time to time, trying to see if your jewel thief had appeared, when you noticed her signal, you let shadows slowly appear throughout the room, in an easy and practical spell, little by little everything was plunged into a fog. black that prevented the view of all those present. 

When the heroes, or rather the little henchmen of Batman and Superman appeared, the phase of your plan came to an end, you no longer needed to stay in this place.

"I want to go home" you said to the man who held your hand so as not to lose sight of you.

"Of course, I think this place is no longer suitable for us to stay," he nodded and took you out of the living room.

You saw the female reporter out of the corner of your eye, you would miss her, it was fun talking, you raised your hands and waved them, saying goodbye to the woman.

"Hey Bruce."

"Who" was upset that his friend interrupted his attention to how his children handled the villain situation.

"Don't you think that girl looks a little familiar" he pointed to the woman who was saying goodbye to his wife.

The man scowled at him for interrupting his thoughts with something non-trivial.

Halloween special, I was a little inspired, of course it doesn't have much terror, I think it's more because of the witch.

Clark already raised doubts about Reader's appearance, he looks a lot like someone he knows. I imagine a situation where the reader comes to project her family into superfamily. instead of his real family of heroes.

[undead-supernova]

Masterlist

plot: your friendship with Eddie is still so new. and it's good. so good. but how do you learn to let go of the past and enjoy the present when your life is such a stark contrast from the life you once had?

pairings: modern!bestfriend!Eddie x bisexual!fem!reader

important note: GUESS WHO IS BACK!!!!! thought you'd seen the last of me but here I am!!!! this is a one-off of my High Tolerance series! (this is roughly three months after they first met!) divider by @strangergraphics also, Eddie's outfit is inspired by this fanart by @aicosu!

warnings: reader having insecurities, friend betrayal, smoking cigarettes, alcohol, a helping of lovely fluff and giggles, LOTS OF DIALOGUE!!!

this is so so so heavily inspired by all my ghosts by Lizzy McAlpine!!!!! welcome to their lore!

wc: 4.3k

It’s odd, the way change, good change can alter your mind. There’s something so moving about it, this newfound knowledge that something you thought would last forever was purely momentary.

Take this change for example, the kind that you never expected would arise three months ago. A new friend, a now close friend that was shifting the way you saw yourself and saw the world. A friend you didn’t really think could possibly exist, stuck only in half-realistic novels and 40,000-word fanfictions.

But here was this guy, this thunderstorm of a man who had changed your life in such a short amount of time. Eddie Munson said that you were his new best friend. And he seems, at least for now, to have meant it.

There was nothing like late September, when the humidity let up and light jackets were pulled in tight. A cool breeze started to set in, leaving Southerners at ease for the first time since March. Late September, where life felt even more like a gift.

So, when Eddie asked if you wanted to go on a night drive, you couldn’t say yes fast enough.

He picked you up, even going so far as to lean over and open the door for you. You hoisted yourself up, drawn in by his casual apparel. Tonight, he was dressed in a charcoal sweater, different holes being held together by safety pins. He was snug in his black leggings and boots, wrists still littered with bracelets. Knuckles still shadowed by rings. 

The only thing that felt unusual was the distinct scent of cologne that wafted toward you the second your seatbelt clicked. The sandalwood, that musk tinging with spice. An overflow of fragrance that was making your head a tad fuzzy.

“Wow, you smell good,” were the first words out of your mouth.

“You think so?” he asked, a smile tugging at his lips.

Avoiding the question, you asked, “Where are we headed tonight?”

The last breath of marigold sunset melted in his eyes. “Well, first, we need snacks. Lots of them.”

There was nothing better than a stroll through a QuickTrip, the many aisles usually guiding you to the drink selection that felt like a playground. What would it be tonight? Dr. Pepper? Apple juice? RedBull? Chocolate milk? Strawberry?

But there was something that seemed to switch on for you, standing in that cold air. This trepidation that figures would creep up behind you, shadows that could shatter your life with a quick snap. You went back to your ponderings, as if it was out of your hands. The reflections that came quickly under the fluorescent lights, the recognition that change brought about many emotions, many memories that you’d rather leave buried.

You could feel their presence as you grabbed strawberry milk and made your way to the candy aisle. It was there you caught Eddie crouched down, trying to decide between Reese’s peanut butter cups and 3 Musketeers. The ghosts felt ready to pounce at any chance they got, swirling in your head with a vibrancy you hadn’t anticipated. Months of being tossed around like a rag doll, made to believe that your best friend was a monster. Were complicit in their games. 

“You need to try Red Vines.”

Eddie sprung back up, leaving you to blink for a moment as your eyes adjusted to the pack he thrusted in front of your face.

“Oh, you mean red sticks of chalk?” you wondered, lifting an eyebrow. “Yeah, no thanks.”

He pretended to get upset, jolting back as if you’d stung him. “Jeez, don’t be such a hater.”

“I’m the biggest hater for Red Vines.”

He pouted. “That’s fucked up.”

Shrugging, you threw up your hands. “More for you!” 

“Yeah, but we could’ve enjoyed it together,” he groaned.

“Poor thing,” you said sarcastically, imitating his pout.

His eyes narrowed. “You are brutal, sweetheart.”

Sweetheart?

“Sweetheart?”

He searched your face, his widening eyes mirroring yours. As if he’d been caught. As if he were in trouble. “What, can I not call you sweetheart?”

He said it again.

Heat was starting to build in your neck, your face. “Um, uh…”

Eddie’s eyes screwed shut. “Shit, sorry—”

“No!” you exclaimed. “It’s not that. It’s just—”

“Lame.”

“Gentle.”

His eyelids opened, now surprised. A hush fell over you as you made eye contact, the only sound being his fiddling with the Red Vines packaging and the muffled hum of “Hold Me Now” by Thompson Twins coming through the speakers.

“Uh,” he started, a flash of red appearing on his cheeks. “Is that a bad thing?”

“It’s a good thing,” you assured him. “It’s just…unexpected.”

For the last few months, you truly believed you didn’t know what to think of Eddie. But in that moment, you realized that maybe the chains and the hair and his choice of music and movies had played a part in your blind observations. And it’s not that you thought that Eddie couldn’t be gentle. You just supposed he might be a little harder than he was.

But the way he said the pet name—nickname, the way it fit so softly in his mouth, his voice. You couldn’t help but feel a calmness washing over you at the sentiment. 

“It’s kind,” you answered.

His mood seemed to lift. “So, can I, like, keep calling you sweetheart?”

“Yes—” you said a little too quickly, clearing your throat to pause. “I, uh. Yeah. Yes.”

“Alright,” he replied, a smile lurking on his lips. “Sweetheart.”

You surely could’ve died right there.

During the day, Atlanta was a clusterfuck of traffic, chaos in the lack of turning signals and kindness to let people over. Nothing but honks and just-missed accidents. But at night, even in an overflow of traffic, the city seemed to turn electric. There was something in the air that made it magnetic, the sparkle of office buildings and street lamps guiding you towards your destination with ease. That orange glow that highlighted the path forward, the kind that made you wonder if you’d entered an alternate dimension.

And there beside you was your best friend. You couldn’t love anything more than riding shotgun next to Eddie, watching him belt out the lyrics to a Killers song in between shimmers of light dancing off his profile. “When You Were Young” set the scene for your journey, turning cinematic in nature.

This was so different from the life you knew mere months ago. The long nights of loneliness, staving off any thoughts of the friends that seemed to fade away as soon as you’d made new ones. And maybe it’d been stupid—pathetic—how much you cried. How much you hated yourself and hated the way you’d been used. 

But it was nothing compared to the self-loathing. That knowledge that you had everything to do with the downfall of not just your reputation, but the people who you’d held close. Especially one.

“Hey, you doing okay?” Eddie asked, turning down the volume. The crackle blaring from the speakers was what really caught your attention.

It was stupid, really. The they-said, she-said. The college drama that looked a little too much like high school. Maybe it was in the way outcasts find each other and realize they have too much growing up to do—and that involves recreating the high school experiences they never had. You just so happened to get lost in that crossfire and became the ostracized fool used in their petty schemes. 

You nodded, unable to keep the fake smile on your lips. “Yeah, yeah. Just taking everything in.”

“Care to elaborate on ‘everything’?”

You wondered what you’d tell her if given the second chance. How you’d describe Eddie’s friendship and the way you thought that they’d get along. If she were here, still attached at the goddamn hip, what would she say? How would she act? 

Who is she now?

“Have you ever royally fucked up your life and had to find a way to start over?”

“Uh, yeah,” Eddie drawled, letting out a low whistle. “Big time.” With a gentle sigh and a glance over at you, he asked, “Have I ever mentioned Ronnie?”

“Ronnie?”

“Guess not,” he said with a shrug. “Well, Ronnie and I were best friends in high school. I mean, super close. Like, we lived in the same trailer park and rode to school together every day until, like, two months before she graduated. Ever heard of a prom?”

You snorted. “Yeah, Eddie. I’ve heard of a prom.”

“Just had to check. Didn’t know if Southerners were too busy doing, like, cotillion or debutante balls or whatever.”

Rolling your eyes, you pushed out the memory of hairspray and curlers as you responded, “Well, we do but high schools have proms.”

“Excellent. Well, I kinda asked her to prom and she, you know, said yes.”

“You were dating?”

“Nah. No. It was nothing like that. I just…” He sighed. “I wanted to do something nice for her. Senior year and all. Since I was being held back another year, I wanted to put more effort in. Ron never dated anyone in high school, and it was her choice. Like, she didn’t want to date anyone ever. But I thought that because it was the last chance, I’d do something cheesy and fun. And she said yes which was really cool. I saved up to rent a suit and everything. But come like, fuck, three days before prom, she told me she was going with a group of girls instead.”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “The fuck? Why would she do that?”

Eddie grimaced. “They were all going to the same college. Thinking about it now, I guess she just wanted to have some kinda safety net going in. But, at the time, I was fucking furious. Like, this is my best friend. I spent the little money I’d had on renting a suit. In advance. And there was a cancellation fee. In a small town with fuck all people. Tell me how that makes any sense.” Eddie rolled his eyes. “Anyways, I was pissed. So, I went over to her place and just fucking unloaded.

“I told her she was selfish for trying to fit in with these lame girls who she’d hardly spoken to. Ronnie told me that I didn’t know shit about who she did and didn’t talk to. And when I tried to tell her we’d been best friends since we were kids and that I definitely knew who she did and didn’t hang out with, she told me that she’d been buddying up with these girls at school for months. Oh, and that she never told me because she knew how I’d react.”

“Y’all never resolved it?” you asked after he paused. “It seems like a mild miscommunication.”

“Well, it wasn’t exactly a mild fight, especially at seventeen,” he said with a quick glance over at you. “I told her she was a piece of shit for hanging out with these rich fucks who would never understand her or let go of the fact that we’re ‘trailer park trash’—again, I was seventeen so I had no idea I shouldn’t even think like that.

"But she said that, you know, not all rich kids are as judgmental as I thought they were and that these girls were kind. It didn’t matter if Chrissy and Heather were on the cheer squad. They liked her for her. Guess I couldn’t stomach it. I told her she was a gullible idiot. She told me to fuck off since I was clearly jealous that she had friends and I didn’t. Which is, shit, half-true.

“I told her to get her rich little friends to pay me back for my stupid tux and then to leave my life for good. I honest-to-god convinced myself that that had been her plan all along—get the full-ride scholarship and ditch her best friend. The next morning, I found an envelope with enough cash to cover my tux and Wayne and I’s bills for, like, three months with a note telling me that she’d never forgive me for what I said to her and…to have a good life.” 

You noticed his eyes begin to glass over, as if it was too painful for him to stomach. “And…and there was a note from Chrissy. Chrissy fucking Cunningham, this perfect-looking cheerleader that had the biggest dickhead for a boyfriend—captain of the goddamn basketball team and as hardcore Christian as people are here.” He shook his head. “Yeah, she, uh, told me that she was sorry that people treated me like shit and that, for what it was worth, she’d done everything she could to stop the bullying but failed. And she didn’t want to graduate without letting me know she’d always found me cool and to just push through. Said she believed in me and my music and everything.”

A tear escaped Eddie’s lashes. Without hesitation, you reached over to catch it before it cascaded down his cheek. And without any knowledge as to why, your pointer finger lingered there, brushing his skin. As if it was second nature.

You could’ve sworn you saw his tense posture ease, his spine finally meeting the seat. But he kept his eyes on the road, leaving you to remove your finger when he turned on his blinker. You didn’t look away from him as he veered off onto your exit.  

“I met all those weird kids that next school year and through them found Robin and Steve. Fucking Steve Harrington who was born into money and was popular and shit. I mean, his nickname was King Steve. Like, how fucking pretentious, right? But he’s one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. Sometimes he’s a little stupid, the definition of a himbo, but nice nonetheless. He helped Wayne and I out the moment he caught wind from Robin that we were close to getting evicted. All three of us worked and got our degrees online at night. Then we…came here.”

You couldn’t help but watch him, noticing the way that he was filtering between different emotions by the second, as if he didn’t know how to feel about it. Even now.

“All of this to say…yeah, I’ve royally fucked up before. I made that bed. I lie in it every day of my life.” 

You stayed quiet as he pulled into the parking space facing your apartment building. The poor excuse for a streetlamp barely gave way to his features now. But Eddie turned his torso to face you, fingers tapping along the cupholder. His eyes found yours, the captivating brown swallowing you in its intensity. “Okay, so what’s your story? How’d you royally fuck things up?”

The only thing you could do was pause, the stillness of the van and the distant hum of cicadas finally allowing you respite. You couldn’t help but search his eyes, trying to find a reason to keep him in the dark, to keep that hidden pain inside and shield him from your mistakes.

But it was in that scouring that you realized that you had no reason to hide. If Eddie was willing to show the nasty parts of himself, why shouldn’t you?

“Can we go inside first?”

One spilled pot of mac and cheese, two cigarettes, and three shots of vodka later, you finally told Eddie what happened.

You both sat criss-crossed on the rug next to your coffee table, facing one another. Stray hairs fell over Eddie’s face, his curls now wrapped into a low bun. You couldn’t help but find it cute, even in the face of your unspoken history being brought to the surface.

“I had kind of a big friend group the last few years of college,” you started finally. “I had this D&D group with a few of them and I was really happy. But then I met this other group one night and, I don’t know, I guess I just felt this desire to be loved.

“It was these two couples who’d been best friends since high school and they found out that I was bi and since all of them were too, they thought it would be fun if we all kissed each other and even, like, go further, I guess. We never did the further thing, though.”

“This is the gayest thing I’ve ever heard,” Eddie commented, a hint of a playful smile on his lips.

This made you chuckle. “I know, right? Truly doomed by the narrative since the start.”

“Truly.” 

“So, anyways, I hung out with them a lot. Smoked a lot and kinda forgot my other friendships. I still saw them, but I was just so intrigued by how much those people wanted me. Me, some girl from Tennessee who hadn’t seen much and was in this huge city and… I think I got blinded by the opportunity to have four different people want me like that. I don’t even think I realized I was being used until it was all over.

“One of them even told me what to say whenever we all hung out. Just to, like, put out feelers for kissing, I guess? And I would say what they told me to and just giggle because I thought it was just stupid fun. Like, they knew the others better than I did so, to me, it was just a harmless joke. I didn’t actually expect for us to kiss all the time. We were supposed to be friends first. I even thought we were all close friends by the end of it.”

“What about your other friends?” Eddie asked. “Where did they go?”

“Well, they were trying to tell me that I wasn’t the same, that I was acting all weird and that it wasn’t like me to keep skipping sessions. They told me that they didn’t even like my new friends and that they were worried about me. That they’d heard bad things about them. And because I had a big mouth, I brought this up with the new friends and they just…” You took a deep breath, trying to keep everything inside you from erupting. “They told me to leave everyone. To forget about people who were hating on us for no reason. So…I did. But that’s when it all went to shit.”

It took another deep breath for your heart to slow, the resurfaced memories as bright as they could be. The feverish kisses in their dorm room, the twining of hands in hallway shadows. Their dark blue hair in your hands, tongue piercing brushing against your lips. How it was all you craved, how it was the most painful guilt you’d ever experienced. 

“The one that asked me to say stuff…we kinda kissed when other people weren’t around. And I didn’t know it, but they’d dated one of my other friends.”

“The one that did the D&D group?”

“Yeah, she’d been my best friend. But they’d dated long before I knew the person.”

“So, what, this new new friend didn’t want you being friends with their ex?”

“And said ex didn’t want me being friends with this new new friend. She was trying to warn me, but I didn’t understand. I didn’t get it.”

“Wait,” Eddie said, holding up his hand. “Okay, I think I’m getting confused. They’ve both got names, correct?”

You couldn’t help but chuckle again. “Okay, so Blake, my best friend at the time, was dating Devon who was part of this new new friend group. Blake tried to warn me that Devon was bad, but Devon was saying the same stuff about Blake. And then Devon was the one I kissed when their boyfriend, Ryan, wasn’t around. Which I admit is shitty of me, but Devon swore they were in an open relationship. Which I really did believe. We were all kissing, you know?”

“I’m guessing they weren’t.”

With a nod, you continued. “This group only lasted, like, five months at the most. After New Year’s which, by the way, was spent with all of us making out and being the gayest group of people on Earth, I suddenly had absolutely no contact with them. They all ghosted me. And when I asked Devon what was up, they told me that the kissing was too much and that they were concerned I was getting too close. And that I wanted more from them than they wanted from me ‘cause they were in a happy relationship.

"Which, not that it matters, but they weren’t. Both couples fought in front of me all the time. It was bizarre how many times it was like I wasn’t even there.”

You couldn’t help but think of the day all five of you went on a hike together. Devon and Ryan passed around a four-hundred dollar dab rig that they thought was a great idea to bring into the woods. Devon slipped on a rock, causing the dab rig to crack which then resulted in a full-on screaming match. Ryan unloaded into Devon, wondering how they could be so stupid. Devon had stayed at your apartment that night, crying in your arms. The other couple, Eve and Corie, had just as many arguments, usually pissing contests over who was more unhappy. It truly was a bizarre time in your life.

“And all this time…I resented the friends that I’d been close with. I resented Blake for so fucking long. I just thought she was so judgmental and rude and mean and…” Shaking your head, you turned away from Eddie. You couldn’t stand to look at him, to remember that he was even listening to you. “I let her down and couldn’t even go back because she didn’t want me. None of them did. Blake, Lisa, Jessie, and Jana told me that what was done was done and that I couldn’t come back. No matter how much I apologized.” 

“They didn’t even hear you out?”

“Nope.”

“Well, that’s kinda bullshit.” The comment made you turn back to him, watching as he shook his head. “I mean, you made some bad friends, yeah, but you realized you fucked up and had the balls to face them and apologize. They could’ve heard you out. Especially Blake.”

“Couldn’t you say the same about Ronnie?” you questioned.

You thought it would sound harsher than you meant it, but Eddie understood. He gave you a half-smile. “Yeah, you’re right. I could.”

Nodding, you added, “I take responsibility for the role I played in the destruction. I regret hurting them every day. Mixing friendship and romance is…” You sighed, shaking your head. “I don’t know. It’s tricky.”

His eyebrows lifted, voice laced with intrigue. “You didn’t mention it being romantic.”

“I said we kissed when Devon’s partner wasn’t there,” you stated plainly.

“Kissing and romance can be separate.”

A bitter scoff left your lips, quiet resentment still sitting in your bones. “Well, maybe I was the only one kissing with feeling then.” 

You never wanted to repeat that desperate yearning for someone that didn’t feel the same way. Never again would you waste your time on someone who didn’t want you. If lines were to blur and cross, you would have to draw a deep fucking strike in the sand. 

Especially if they were already in a relationship.

“I do know I was a homewrecker. I saw they broke up a few months later. All their pictures had been deleted off of Devon’s Instagram.”

“That relationship was unstable long before you came around,” he reasoned.

Shaking your head, you said, “Yeah, but I still kissed Devon when I was well aware they were dating Ryan.”

“And you haven’t stopped beating yourself up for your mistake for how long?”

“A little over a year,” you whispered.

Eddie paused, his eyes wandering around the room until they landed on you again. “So…when you said you were taking it all in…”

“I meant the fact that I actually have a friend again.”

“Best friend.”

As you gazed at him, you couldn’t help yourself from leaning over and wrapping your arms around his neck. 

“Woah,” he whispered before bringing you further into his grasp.

A rush of tears left your eyes, a choking sound leaving your lips. The release of a story once held too tightly to your chest, the understanding and compassion of someone who truly accepted you for your mistakes. It was overwhelming to feel this restored, to feel something unfurl and begin the process of mending. 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered.

“Don’t be,” he whispered back. “I’m guessing you haven’t told anyone?”

“There hasn’t been anyone to tell,” you admitted. 

You realized that this was the first time you’d ever hugged. 

“You’ve made a mistake, but that doesn’t mean you’re a piece of shit. You just got caught up in that feeling. I get it. I mean, I ruined shit by wanting to be picked over other people. It’s not the same, but it kinda is at the same time. So, I get it. I get you.” His eyes shifted away from you before they came back, elation filling them. “But guess what?”

“What?”

“We can move on. Together.”

“What do you mean?” you questioned.

“Well, we can keep each other in check. If you ever lose yourself in someone, I’ll let you know. I’m not going anywhere.”

You couldn’t help but blurt out, “You say that now.”

He lifted an eyebrow. “What, is that a challenge to prove you wrong?”

As you looked at him, you couldn’t deny that something was bubbling in your stomach. Bubbling? Blooming? Whatever it was, you liked it. “I don’t know, do you want it to be?”

“Yeah, maybe I do,” he stated, grinning.

And then Eddie was the one to initiate the hug, quickly wrangling you into his arms. You nearly sat on his lap, just holding one another. You couldn’t say how long you sat there, breaths lining up and grips tightening. 

Maybe looking back was the only way you could truly see how far you’d come. How far you were able to go now, with the past staying exactly where it needed to be. And, at least for now, you had Eddie at your side.

thank you to everyone who has been supporting me during this hiatus :') it has meant everything to me

[aftgficrec]

Hi! Thanks so much for doing this i have wanting to catch you open for so long!! How are you? I hope you have a good day!

I was wondering if there were any fics focused on neil and mary/neil and Nathan? Like his emotions, thoughts, etc, and the things he went through bcs of them/how they still affect him even now? Thank you so much in advance!

Our poor traumatized Neil! Yes, there is much to explore on this topic. -A

most previous asks lead to more recs:

angsty bad days for Neil here

Neil with ptsd here

more Neil with DID here

Neil cries, comforted by Andrew/foxes here

Neil says ‘it’s fine I’ve had worse’ here

Neil’s scars 2 here

scars and healing here

Neil goes to therapy here 

Neil attempts suicide here

‘You're Wonderful’ here

‘Hold My Hand?,’ ‘I'll Still Solve You,’ and ‘Fear (but not of you)’ here

‘The Books of Baltimore’ series: ‘Ghost of You’ here, ‘Run to You’ here

‘the upswing’ (completed), ‘please (don't bite),’ ‘Will you love me for who I am…’ ‘To be safe,’ ‘Safe with him,’ and ‘i called your name ‘til the fever broke’ here 

‘my friends and I…,’ ‘Pasts Intertwined,’ ‘My Stomach is a Wasteland,’ ‘side effects may vary’ ‘Bad Apple,’ and ‘You Are So Much More Than Your Father's Son’ here 

‘Medicated rabbits don't run as fast’ here

‘Broken Symmetries’ and ‘No More Fucks To Give’ (updated) here

‘24 Floors’ here

‘A Quiet Little Seedling,’ ‘If I Knew You,’ and ‘Step By Step’ here

‘slow down (you crazy child),’ ‘Make a Home’ (updated), and ‘make me a promise’ here

‘Dreamed in red’ here

‘...Just Us, and Y(our) Friend Kevin’ here 

‘Nothing Mattered Until You’ here (jeanneil)

amputation or permanent leg damage:

Neil's legs (the fucked up edition) here and here

Neil dies/amputations in Baltimore here

‘La jetée n'est plus loin’ here

‘I’m More Than This Body of Mine’ here (completed)

‘Next to You’ here

‘Rare pair hell series’ part 9 here

‘Live for you / Stay for me’ here 

‘“I pick up daddies at the playground.”’ here

‘lie to me (for i do not wish to live the truth)’ here

‘White Hands’ and ‘If Neil, Then Fox’ here

‘(don’t fear) the reaper’ here

‘Under the kitchen lights…’ here

‘Point Nemo’ here

‘Lifelines’ here

‘does the dog die at the end’ here

you may also like:

Neil runs after joining the foxes 2 here

andreil on the run from the mafia here

soulmates who feel each other's pain here

Mary/Nathan's people come back here

Mary tries to take Neil from the foxes here

Neil kills Nathan here

tell me where i came from, what i will always be by geeseproblems [Rated G, 317 Words, Complete, 2021]

She lives in his body like no other.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: canonical character death

Down with Something by pawnofkings [Rated T, 3051 Words, Complete, 2021]

Neil is sick, and he does his best to keep anyone from finding that out. He collapses in the middle of practice.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse

you asked for this by Anonymous [Rated M, 790 Words, Complete, 2022, Locked]

Neil Josten and guilt

tw: implied major character death, tw: child abuse, tw: emotional abuse, tw: blood, tw: negative self talk

A reflection or a lie by ShadowDolphin [Rated G, 839 Words, Complete, 2022]

Sixteen year old Neil Josten has an identity crisis cuz depersonalization is a wonderful thing that exists and he doesn't feel real

tw: implied/referenced child abuse

i know you'll take me with you by lil_macaroon [Rated T, 6129 Words, Complete, AFTG Mixtape Exchange 2023]

Neil has feelings that make him want to run. The only thing that keeps him at Palmetto State, hell, what keeps him in South Carolina, is the promise he made when Andrew asked him to stay three years ago. Unable to run, it all keeps building within him until one day, Andrew puts him in the car, and they go.

keep your head above the water (I can’t) by drewdrop44 [Rated T, 1156 Words, Complete, 2022]

The feeling of water moving over his head, swallowing him whole. Neil woke with a scream trapped in his mouth.

tw: drowning, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: violence, tw: nightmares 

It's a punch and a kiss, I'm trying to remember by beckdarkthrone [Not Rated, 18604 Words, Incomplete, Updated June 2024]

He has a hold on himself as Neil, as Abram, as Nathaniel.. Until he doesn't.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: dissociative disorder, tw: blood, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: internalized homphobia

NB: this author has a podcast with aftg-centric episodes; check out ‘So You Think You Like’ on spotify.

We're all Monsters Here by serene_chaos [Not Rated, 892 Words, Complete, 2022]

"I am part of the slaughter house. I feel that makes me more of a monster than you.” “Don’t look at me to absolve you.” Andrew flicks his cigarette towards Neil. Sparks landing inches from Neil’s hand. OR Neil doesn't think Andrew is a monster, but thinks he might be.

tw: childhood trauma, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture

Who Am I to You? by serene_chaos [Rated M, 91907 Words, Incomplete, Updated April 2024]

Neil Josten was born with violence in his blood and raised as a weapon to hide in plain sight. And then he finds himself surrounded by foxes and his usual survival tactics ruined by a five foot goalie. The whole mobster mafia problem isn’t helping either. -- Cue a Neil who cares a little less, a past raven, and potentially a little something more to live for.

tw: attempted rape, tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: murder, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: attempted nonconsensual drug use, tw: panic attacks, tw: flashbacks, tw: homophobia, tw: alcohol abuse/alcoholism, tw: animal abuse, tw: implied/referenced self harm 

you will always be my favorite form of loving by something_boring [Rated T, 15831 Words, Complete, 2024]

5 times the Foxes tried to take care of Neil and 1 time they didn't have to.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: panic attacks, tw: nightmares, tw: alcohol abuse, tw: blood, tw: vomit, tw: violence, tw: bullying

pain our brain has made by pipedreamaddy [Rated M, 16052 Words, Incomplete, Updated July 2024]

Neil and his discovery that he has trauma-induced migraines because we all know how he neglects his health. Between everything else going on with him, a migraine seemed very minor to him. But now that he is in a healthy, safe, and loving environment where he is thriving, he can take care of himself—theoretically speaking, at least. Or the fic where Neil finally gets the healing that he needs.

tw: needles, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: childhood trauma, tw: implied/referenced torture,  tw: flashbacks, tw: ptsd, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced murder

Keep Your Head Down and Don't Look Back by Capheira [Rated G, 775 Words, Complete, 2024]

Neil has spent most of his life running from his past but perhaps this time he was a little too efficient.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: panic attacks

Scars Like Stars by Kory_Rory [Rated T, 3429 Words, Incomplete, Updated June 2024]

Neil deals with his trauma by biting himself while being completely oblivious to the harm he's putting himself through. But it's okay cause the foxes are there to help him :)

tw: self harm, tw: body dysmorphia, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: negative self talk, tw: flashbacks 

I’m not used to all this water, love (it’s true) by niicowo [Rated T, 1415 Words, Complete, 2024]

Neil never thought anyone could ever love him. His parents never made him feel loved. But then again, what did he know about love? Nothing, he guessed. But one thing he did know was that Andrew loved him. And he just may love him too.

tw: past suicidal ideation, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced child abuse

Razor’s Edge by godless_writer [Rated T, 2178 Words, Complete, 2023]

Neil Josten, a caring, shit-talking, striker for the Palmetto State Foxes. Nathaniel Wesninski, a runner, and the son of The Butcher of Baltimore. When Neil thinks that Andrew is in danger after he walks into Kevin and Andrew fighting, his world turns red and those lines become blurred.

tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: dissociation

Don't let me be by Cutie_Wan [Not Rated, 1983 Words, Complete, 2023]

Neil suffers a major dissociation episode in front of the Foxes.

tw: dissociation, tw: self harm, tw: violence

grin and bear it by wlwmlmsolidarity [Rated G, 1221 Words, Complete, 2024]

neil has chronic pain due to lola and tries to just ignore it and push through on a bad pain day, andrew forcefully makes him relax and accept help

tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: chronic pain

NB: includes fanart by @clementinecloudz

scream and yell but i feel speechless by DepressedTerrestrial [Not Rated, 6770 Words, Complete, 2023]

Neil had some unnecessary surgery done when he was younger. No one (including Neil) knows how to handle this except for Andrew (kind of).

tw: past medical abuse, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture

Isn't he the monster by DarkD [Not Rated, 16033 Words, Complete, 2021]

On a day when Neil "wakes up" in a particularly bad mood, hearing anyone being cruel to Andrew becomes unbearable to the point that he is on the verge of an explosion.

tw: violence, tw: blood, tw: self harm, tw: dissociation, tw: panic attacks, tw: child abuse

Art

Day 19: bullet and Day 4: stitches art by @thefluffiestbird

Nathan was known for his extravagant parties and incredible entertainment art by @mac-monsters; twitter

Neil & Mary on the run edit by @romanovass

These ouches feel a little rough for a child on the run. comic by @softerstorms

“Don’t you dare be more afraid of me than you are of Andrew” art by @rainbowd00dles 

There’s nowhere to run art by @/tryashaa on instagram

“I’m fine” - *literally dying* art by @/koldangrey_art on instagram

[iiotic]

The burnt memories | Human Alastor oneshot

Human Alastor x Fem reader - one shot

summary: Moving in your hometown was awfully hard for you, staying with you mother you needed to find a job. However you were devastated after you got robbed and humiliated in the process. You remembered your childhood bestfriend but you can't seem to remember his name..

wc: 3k

tw: murder, kidnapping, stalking, Period-Typical racism, Period-Typical sexism, gore, bad English, this is extremely old, short one shot, Angst, childhood friends to strangers, the plot is happening rlly fast, ooc?, not proffread

a/n: originally this was suppose to be a fanfiction but since I really really not enjoy writing for hazbin hotel as I used to I turned it into an oneshot since I don't like my work go to waste. The plot is going rlly fast couse this was suppose to be a fanfiction y'all with a happy little ending where you'd end up with Alastor but I decided to change it a bit.

Moving in your hometown was awfully hard for you. The feeling of nostalgia washed over you, as you saw the forest that you used to play in, when you were a kid. The trees have grown, indeed. You walked up to the old entry, that you and your friend created. It was extremely hard to expose the hidden and abandoned path for two small children. It took hours! However when you two finally succeeded, you had to go home since it was already late and you had to eat dinner.

You truly cherished the memories that you shared with your close ones here. You remembered every story like it happened yesterday. You were a bit shocked to see the path fully exposed. Back in the old days, it was only a little hole that only children could fit it. Half of you was happy, knowing that you won't have to crawl and struggle through the hole that didn't exist anymore. However the other half of you was disappointed, 'cause your hard work got wasted.

Deciding to take a scroll through the forest, you followed the familiar path. Noticing how half of the forest turned into an hunting area, you weren't surprised at all. The hunting season was just around the corner and you were not happy about that. You moved into your old household as your father decided to leave your mother alone. She needed your help and you provided it as you loved your mother dearly. He, himself found a better house in a wealthier area. Unfortunately for you, your house was very close to the once so familiar forest. When you were little everything looked so big and magical but now? The magic had dissapered from the once fairy tale space.

Turning around on your heel, you faced with an abandoned playground. Kids, including you, used to play here a lot. You were shocked when you saw it in its terrible state. The slide dirty with mud and weird black substances, rotted and once more, everything was terribly rotted. After a while of thinking, you began to understand why this place went abandonment. Really, whose idea it was to put a playground inside of a forest?

Continuing your scroll, you began to remember your old childhood friend. What was his name? You couldn't remember. You didn't believe that you forgot such an important thing. His whole face was a blur, yet you still remembered that charming smile of his. Somehow he always managed to make you smile and laugh. You started wondering if he is still as funny as he was in the past. Wait.. Does he still live here? Does he still remember you? You hoped that the answer to both of these questions were positive.

By the time you came back home it was already dark. Walking in, you greeted your mother, apologising for taking so long. She just brushed it off saying that "you don't have to spend all of your life in this house." Chuckling a bit you mentally agreed with her.

Looking around, your eyes were met with your luggage that you did not unpack yet. A sigh escaped your lips as you made your way over to your belongings. The truth is that you were too exhausted to unpack them, however you knew that they just wouldn't unpack themselfs.

Walking into your old room, that holds so much lovely memories from your childhood, you noticed a newspaper on the floor. April 11th, 1929, yesterdays date. Your mother must have opened the window in your room, and the newspaper must have flew it way in here. Dropping your belongings, you just noticed the cold temperature in the room. Freezing even. Closing the window you picked up yesterday's newspaper to look at it.

The axeman of New Orleans attacked again!

There's an axeman going around? How didn't you know that there's a murderer in the place where you grew up in? Anxious, you decided to sit down on your bed and read the rest of the article.

Time flew by and you grew more and more disappointed of the news you just read. No wonder father moved out you thought leaving the newspaper on your nightstand and rubbed your eyes. Tommorow will be a hard day and you knew that. The luggages didn't unpack themself yet so you had to finally do it. Wanting to forget about the informations that you acknowledged you moved to your belongings and started unpacking.

There wasn't really a lot of things there; just some clothes, hygiene stuff, basic writing supplies and some of your most important things that you could never get rid of.

9 pm. That was the time on the clock when you finished unpacking. Exhausted you rolled in your bed, not even thinking of changing into your pijamas. Your mind started to thrift to the events that happened today. The memories of your childhood were truly worthy being in an museum.

Just as you were about to fall asleep, your mind decided to remind you of him, once again. Wait.. What if he was killed my the axeman? You truly hoped that it wasn't true. You thought that maybe, just maybe you two could get the chance to catch up. However the promise.. You had no idea why didn't he keep the promise. Before you could think more about it, your eyes closed by themself.

"Tag, You're it! " You giggled before running deeper into the forest. You heard footsteps mixing with your own behind you, signalling that he was chasing you. Turning, and making an unexpected turn, you failed to notice how your dress got all muddy. You had no idea that you would get scolded after you'd came back home by your mother.

You laugh, as you turned around to see that you successfully lost your friend. Hiding in a bush that slightly tore your dress, you waited for him to give up or to just walk by so you could scare him.

"Boo!"

You screamed as, to your suprise, your friend found you. "not fun.." You mumbled as he helped you get up. "You cheated!"

"I didn't!" He argued, giggling a bit at your indignation. "You're just too easy to catch."

"No i am not!" You gasped in annoyance.

Your argument went on and on, you accusing him of cheating and him defending himself as he told you that he just creeped behind. Before you knew it your legs were leading the way to your houses.

Soon enough it was time to say your goodbyes as you both were standing beside your homes.

"Despite everything, I enjoyed hanging out with you today, ..." Your younger self confessed to him. Wait, him? You clearly heard you say his name. Why couldn't you remember it? Why couldn't you remember his name.

Before you knew it, you were dragged to a pitch black hole. You wanted to scream, but for some reasons you couldn't manage to utter anything.You turned around as you heard a familiar voice calling your name. Nothing was there. You gasped when something dragged you by your legs, finally screaming to let you go.

You jumped out of your bed, sweating in a middle of the night. You could hear the birds chipp as the rain continued to pour rather aggressively.

It was just a nightmare.

"I still don't understand why you have to leave so early, pumpkin?" Your mother asked worringly, her eyes showed that she isn't very sure of what you're trying to do.

"The sooner, the better!" You declared with determination. You were confident with what you're trying to do, hoping that you will find a job in an maximum week. "Can't waste any time, love you, bye!!" You yelled, closing the door behind you. You didn't need any negative energy around you.

Walking down the alley, you turned around to go to the busier side of the town. Head up high, heels clicking with every step you took, your eyes scanning all of the shops that were near you. However there was one that caught your attention..

Stepping in the boutique, you noticed how clean and neat it was. All of the newest dresses, coats and jewelry displayed for customers eyes. You could get used to it..

Walking up the counter, you rang a little bell on it. You jumped as your heard a sudden voice behind you.

"Good morning dear, do you need any help?" An older woman asked you, moving to face you behind the counter. You could tell that she was in her 50s.

"um.." You looked at her, still startled, not knowing what to say. You thought that you would have some time to think about it. She looked at you with a confused look and you took it as a signal to finally say something.

"I was wondering if you need help. I mean if you need help with the job.. around the boutique." You finally uttered. Fixing your clothes and straightening your posture to look presentable. Her umber eyes staring into your determined ones.

"I apologize sweetie, but i'm not looking for any workers at the moment" Her mode shifted a bit when she saw your sad look. You were disappointed, even though you knew that you won't get a job at your first try.

"That's fine, do you by any chance know someone or an shop that is short on staff?" You asked, with hope in your eyes.

"Unfortunately." she looked down and started searching for something behind the counter. "However i could contact you if I'll acknowledge any in the area? I know how it is looking for a job these days." Before you could think about what she said, the woman asked you for your name. Giving you her number; in case you wanted to contact her, after writing your own name down on an another card.

"Thank you so much ma'am." You thanked her after introducing yourself. "It means a lot to me."

"Oh! No need to be so formal. Call me Louise." You gave the woman a kind smile, before repeating her name and saying your goodbye.

You had plenty of time left, it was only nine am, and now you were questioning yourself why'd you leave this early. Pheraps your mother was right, after all. Eyeing all of the buildings around you, you decided to go to a florist next.

Before you could take another step a young boy stopped you.

"Miss, would you like to buy a newspaper? They're only 15 cents each!" You looked at him, at the newspaper that he was holding and back at him. Pheraps it would be useful. You could tell that the little bit was struggling, wanting to earn some money. So were you.

"of course, little one."

He smiled widely at your response waiting for you to find your money. You handed him the 15 cents shortly after, in exchange, earning today's newspaper. Before you could thank him, he already run off. Confused you looked back at the newspaper you were holding, about to read it.

Wait a second..

That's yesterday's newspaper! This little boy tricked you. These kids these days.. You sighed, not having the strength to run after him, continuing your way to the flower shop.

Soon enough you arrived at your destination, the bell rang as you stepped into the shop.

Looking around you were fascinated with the interior, everything looked so pretty that you couldn't get enough of it. The different types of flowers; Roses, Tulips, hibiscus..

And Oof!

"I'm so sorry mr.. I was in the way." You apologized as you bumped into a rather tall stranger. His skin was in the shade of caramel and his hair just slightly darker. He looked at you almost out of pity, is he making fun of you?

"No need to apologize, clearly I wasn't looking where I was heading as well." He calmly explained, fixing his coat from any dust that could get on it. "If I may ask your name, dear?"

You quickly introduced yourself, putting your head up for him to shake it, to your dismay he didn't even touch you.

"Well what a lovely name for such a lovely lady like yourself! My name? Alastor, pleasure to be meeting you."

"Alastor? Did I know someone names Alastor?" You thought but quickly recovered. As flawless as this conversation was going you had to continue your journey. Excusing yourself from the gentleman you began asking for a job once again.

"Woman. What makes you think that this is a job for a woman?" The man behind the lada laughed at you, shooing you out of his establishment. "A woman could never handle a job as tough as this one."

You wanted to cry, you truly did. This was the 6th building you visited today, all of them didn't need help and it was already getting dark. Devastated you left the store, not wanting to get even more humiliated. Your next stop? Your house. You thought about how dissapointed your mother must be in you, you'd can't want to look her in the eyes.

As you were walking, step by step by your childhood forest you heard some bushes rustling behind you, now you felt like you were getting watched. Paranoid you turned on your heel to look behind you.. No ones there. You let a sigh of relief, but before you could turn around you felt yourself getting sleepy..

Dark.

That's what you saw, everything dark and even darker. You squinted your eyes after opening them to not get blinded by the light. After you got used to it, you looked at your surroundings..

Basement, you were in a basement? How did you end up here, you don't remember. Your head hurts like hell and your mind 8s spinning. Trying to get up you failed miserably and only hurt yourself by the chains you were chained up to. "what..?" You thought.

"And that I am dizzy with a dame like you." You heard a familiar voice behind you, wanting to turn around but couldn't as you were chained up. "don't worry I'll make it quick for my lady."

Opening your mouth to speak, to whisper, to scream.. You realized you couldn't do any of those, your mouth stuffed with something.

"You're probably wondering where are you? who am i? what is this man gonna do to me? aren't you? Well.." The sound of loud metal could be heard in the entire basement as he hit you with a metal pipe on the head. You were quickly losing blood, a stray of blood coming from the insides of your head, from your nose, from your mouth. Before you passed out you did that you heard his last words to you or rather to himself..

"I don't need any disturbance in my life, I don't need love its a distraction."

ALASTOR MASTERLIST

[ukininayu]

I WANNA BE YOUR BOYFIREND! —INO TAKUMA

SYNOPSIS. poor Ino, having to deal with the most blind and oblivious crush... Maybe think abiut getting your eyes n heart checked...

CONTENT. NB!reader. (sorry if it sounds closer to f!) Childhood friends to lovers. Cheesy. Got the photographer! Ino idea from @colonelarr0w ! I asked the anon question on may 4.. Wowzers

WC. 2222! That's so kewl! Ah! Finally reached 2k words and I'm stopping cause this has been in my drafts for too long and I can't seem to add any more words. A/N. Oh boy. I wanted to use his first name (takuma/) but I'm too tired to edit. So I just added tags and posted it.

Ino Takuma was and is your bestest friend.

And you were the person Ino Takuma was hopelessly in love with.

meeting him when you were six and was picked on by a group of boys calling you names. Poor you couldn't do anything but to sniff and feel the tears pooling in your eyes.

2003.

you remember when he rushed to help you, his two small hands occupied with a handful of pebbles, and with those pebbles he threw them as hard as a six year old could, aimed right at the back of the mean group of kids who were tormenting you.

you remember the shocked looked plastered on their faces before screeching and running away from the playground and back to their non-existant parents, too frightened to look back.

you remember your now-best friend walking up to you, acting as cool as he can while he helps you stand up, adding in an " 'r you okay?".

He remembers when you held his hand and asked for him to help you stand up. when you did, you rubbed the tears pricking on your eyes off with your forearm, and with your free arm, you used it to hug him. thanking him while suppressing your hiccups.

He remembers cheekily smiling as his pretty crushmate thanks him like he was their knight in shining armour.

He remembers offering ice cream while pointing at a nearby ice cream stand in order to cheer you up, as his mind believed, "ice cream would solve all problems!" even exclaiming it to you.

He remembers the way your eyes lit up when he did what he did and you nodded in agreement to all of them.

He remembers holding hands with you as you guys walk to the stand to buy twin pops, opening the popsicle and letting you pick what side you want first.

He remembers the two of you counting from one to three before pulling the side of your popsicles towards yourselves. unfortunately for you, your popsicle broke and you had the smaller side.

He remembers offering to switch popsicle sticks instead, sticking the hand holding the bigger popsicle out for you to get.

he remembers when you nodded happily, taking the offered popsicle and giving the smaller one to him, which he accepts as happily.

He remembers the two of you, holding hands once more, walking back to the playground and resting on the playground stairs, starting up a random conversation, exchanging names, then quickly changing topics every two minutes or so.

(he remembers starting a war with you the next day, the enemies being the said bullies.)

He smiles, in his own world— no, in the shared world you and him made, talking about the past with you was always the best.

You sigh and sit up, leaning on his bed's headboard, your eyes darting around his soft bed you both were laying on in search for the remote, but your eyes seem to scan around his room. oops. "enough talking, we should continue watchi— hey!" you shout a little too loudly and ino looks at you with a raised brow.

"what is it?" he calls your name when you don't answer. After another call of your name and you still don't, he decides to look at where you were looking at. and behold, it was his first camera. it was weirdly placed in the front and center of all his other cameras, placed so that it would be the center of attention.) that was placed on his wall shelf.

2007.

It was finally his birthday! he could barely get himself to sleep the night before, too excited for the upcoming event. but in honesty, he was excited on what you would do with him to celebrate! maybe have a food fight? go to the arcade? he doesn't care, as long as you were celebrating with him!

He rushes down the stairs and loudly pushes the door open to run to your meet up spot with him. the playground stairs, the one off-placed stairs that was hidden below the big green slide.

And there you were, sitting on the stairs, holding something behind your back, when you saw him, you waved at him, shouting for him to come quick.

"Happy Birthday, Takuma!" you excitedly clap, but his attention isn't really on you. "Whatcha hidin'?" he asks, not bothering to hide his excited expression. "oh! nothing!" you respond with the same look on your face, only more cruel. "C'mon! Is that a gift? maybe a gift for… you know, somebody's birthday?"

you nod your head up and down before grabbing the gift from your back and placing it on your lap. "I was planning to give this to you a little later, but you can open it now, if you want!" you give the signal for him to get the nicely wrapped gift.

In a flash, Ino sits next to you and grabs the gift, placing it on his lap. "I wrapped it for you! so you better not tear it apart." you warn when his hands start to open the gift. he only scoffs and continues opening the ribbon first. "Of course, madam. i'd never!" he jokes, though true.

After he opens the gift, he exhales out a "woah..". "do you like it, takuma?" you nervously ask as he now holds the small camera you saved up for him.

When he finishes admiring the camera, he wraps one arm around you. "I love it! I promise I'll always take pictures of you using this!"

"You still have this camera?!" all of the sudden you were jumping to reach the old camera. "Surprising how you still remember." Ino thinks aloud before walking over and getting the camera for you.

When he hands it to you, you take it in your hands. "Does it still work?" you ask, your finger hovering over the button that turns on the digital camera, and he only nods.

For an old camera, it barely took any time to load. You stop when it does, clueless. and he realizes that. "need a little help?" you hum, "..How do I see the gallery?"

after he tells you and you figure it out, you run back to his bed to sit and he follows before sitting beside you.

Starting from the first ever photo the camera took, you couldn't help but smile in nostalgia. and your smile infecting him.

The pictures dated from when it was his tenth birthday till the first year of senior high school. one by one you and him skim over the hundred photos.

Majority of the saved pictures were you, it seemed like Ino had a liking in taking stolen pictures of you, too. Whether you were going down the green slide or studying for senior exams.

You notice there were barely any pictures of him saved in the gallery. The few images that you found of him was when he was with you. You either taking the picture yourself and pulling him in the cameras view, or the secretly taken photos you had managed to take of him when he didn't catch you.

He really did take his old promise to heart.

While he and you enjoyed the feeling of thinking about the memories you had made together, the sudden ringing of your phone alarm disrupted you both.

"Ah, shit.. Completely forgot about that." You murmur. You reach for your phone and turn the alarm off as you stand up and take you bag, slinging it over your shoulder.

"Oh? Where 'r you going?" He asks out of curiosity, "sorry, that's a secret!.. Well, sorry Ino. I got to go, I swear we'll finish our movie marathon tomorr ow!" He only nods, and you rush out of his apartment, shouting a "bye!" Out the way.

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Ino was no idiot. He knew you were going back to your oh-so lucky partner. The alarm was probably a reminder for an upcoming date.

Talking about your partner..

when your relationship with your significant other went public back in your second year of senior high, you dropped the largest bombshell on everybody you knew or knew you.

on him.

If it wasn't crystal clear, Ino was sooo in love with you… it started from a "crushmate" years ago and is still going on as "one and only". heck, everybody knew! it was that crystal clear!

but you, sweet you, was sooo blind! sooo oblivious it even hurt for everyone to watch!

he blames it on himself somebody else confessed to you and took your heart away from his. maybe he didn't show what he felt for you enough. As much as he loved to talk the truth, he was petrified of telling you what he feels, petrified you'd reject him— possibly leave him, even. he knows you would never do that, but the thought that you might makes it that he doesn't want to take his chance.

This doesn't mean he didn't actually show his love to you, he did! he showed his love to you like a photographer would. If there was something people knew, photographers wouldn't waste their effort and time on taking pictures for somebody just for nothing! even if said person was a close friend or family member. but he, he gave his effort and time into taking pictures of you! he even has three cameras devoted to you!

He knows he should've stopped loving you after you were now taken, he knows he should drop the "best friend" title, as as people say, "your lover is your best friend.", that the fact you had a best friend and a partner sounded weird.. he knows he should have tried to kill his feelings off, but he couldn't. he just can't. after all, he was hopelessly in love with you, and when you're hopelessly in love with someone, said someone was the only one you would care about.

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What Ino expected the next morning when he had just walked out of his bathroom after a morning shower was the continuation of your's and his movie marathon, like you had swore. He definitely did not expect for you to call him, and when he heard your cracked voice silently asking— almost sounding like a plead— if he could come over, he was already going as fast as he could put on clothes while asking you to wait. his mind could only hope to believe thee sound of your voice was due to his or your's phone speaker.

After ten minutes, you hear a knock on your door. so you open your phone and message Ino to "come in, the door is open." the mental exhaustion infecting your body too much so that you don't have the energy to get up from sitting on your living room couch.

You hear him call your name. And there he was, concern clear on his face, his hand holding a plastic bag filled with your favorite snacks. "M' sorry for being late… jus' wanted to buy you a little somethi—oh." before you know it, he was sitting beside you.

When he asked what was wrong, you tried, really tried to tell him the story of it, but with the side effect of your cries, your throat would close, and when it didn't, it stung when you talked. Your best friend noticed and instead told you to tell him after you calmed down, but you 'calming down' didn't seem close. Even when you tried to stop the flowing tears, it was like a broken faucet that wouldn't close.

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twirling around your full-body mirror, you smile in confidence as you managed to dress and doll yourself up in just an hour, it was one of your biggest accomplishments, really. now all you had to do was to go to their apartment to meet up and go to the date they made for the both of you!

You walk out of your apartment and lock the door. the thought of you and your lover finally on a date after months made you happily walk like red riding hood to the elevator with the happiest aura people could feel and see. it was probably infectious, too.

Walking in the secluded park where your partner had texted you to go to, you were met with surprise when you saw them sitting on a patterned picnic blanket. with somebody else.

You call their name out with a wavering voice.

your "lover" looks behind when they hear their name, and to their own surprise their eyes meet yours. when they quickly stand up, the person besides them look to where they were looking at.

The stranger's face expression changes when your partner shouts out a pet name to call you and now said stranger was the one to shout, pulling and turning your partner to face them before spouting out curses.

you hear your partner exclaim they had texted the wrong number and "It must've had sent it to the both of you!" before everything blurs out.

you were thankful they were fighting instead of looking at you because you ran. you ran as fast as you possibly could, your mind panicking, only thinking of getting back to your apartment as soon as possible. too ashamed to let anyone see you in whatever state you were in.

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This was the note I put in.. I was stressinh

Not proof read

[ro-is-struggling]

Second Chances || Johnny Storm x Reader

Summary: You run into Johnny in a bar and after he saves you from having to spend the night with what you were convinced was the most irritating man on earth, you decide to give him a second chance to get to know him better. Maybe he wasn't as bad as you thought…

Or the story of how you accidentally agreed to be friends with Johnny as if you were two little kids that hit it off in the playground. 

THIS IS PART 2 OF MY MINI-SERIES FIREPROOF! Masterlist + info (series summary & warnings) HERE

Warnings: fem!reader, reader having a terrible time in a bar, Johnny being a flirt, vague mentions of Johnny's tragic family past, fluff, bonding, I think that's it?

English is not my first language

Word count: 7600

Notes: sorry this took so long, it wasn’t supposed to exist lol Part 3 was originally supposed to be part 2 but I thought it was going to skip too far ahead in time (you'll see what I mean) so I decided to write this short(?) thing about how Johnny and reader go from strangers to somewhat friends. Parts 3 and 4 are almost ready so I don't think it will take me that long to post them.

Stay tuned for more and I hope you guys like it!

Do you want to get notified when I post? JOIN MY TAG LIST HERE!

You hated bars.

Well, that was a harsh way of putting it. You didn't hate bars all the time. But at this moment you definitely did.

You enjoyed going out drinking and dancing with your friends from time to time. While it wasn't your favorite activity —and you certainly could do the same in a quieter, more intimate setting— you recognized the de-stressing value of a good night out, especially after a week of midterms. You didn't always enjoy the people in the bars, especially the men, but it was nice to spend a night with friends laughing and dancing while the alcohol slowly washed away your worries.

However, tonight was not a casual gathering of friends looking to unwind from the pressures of college. No. Tonight, the bar represented everything you hated about those places since the focus was not on having a good time, but on getting Ellie a guy to help her stop crying about Johnny. Just as you thought it would happen, he got bored with her after a couple of encounters and, because of your threats, it didn't take long for him to have the “it's not you, it's me” talk with her. Ellie knew she shouldn't have taken their hookup seriously in the first place, but she had done it anyway, so the breakup —if it could be called that— had left her devastated. Luckily it wasn't one of those breakups that left her crying for weeks, but she kept talking about Johnny. She was becoming quite the stalker, following him around campus, taking note of the girls he talked to or went out with to compare herself to them. It was a little scary if you were honest. It wasn't like her at all, so one of your friends decided it was time to erase Johnny from her mind once and for all.

So now you were stuck at the bar near campus, pretending to be having a good time while you and your friends struggled to find Ellie a nice guy to spend the night with. While you knew this would be a difficult task from the start, you had no idea how difficult it actually would be. You had lost count of the number of mediocre guys who had approached your table in hopes of winning one of you over. They used cheap tricks and corny lines that made you roll your eyes every time they spoke. Your friends laughed at them with you at first, but as the hours went by, the alcohol and desperation slowly made them stop seeing it as ridiculous.

Soon it was just you and Ellie at the table. The rest of your friends had either already left with some guy or were dancing with one on the dance floor. You hadn't had too much to drink —you figured at least one had to stay relatively sober to keep the rest from doing something they would later regret—, and now you were cursing yourself for it. You weren't nearly drunk enough to be able to keep putting up with the cheap lines the guys were throwing around, honestly hoping that a couple of memorized and overused words would be enough to get in your pants. You hated every second you had to stay there and were ready to tell Ellie that they should call it a night. But before you could say anything, Mark sat down at your table to chat for a while.

He was like a breath of fresh air. He seemed genuine and funny, needing nothing more than his natural charisma to get your friend's attention in an instant. He didn't resort to using corny lines or disgusting remarks. He was just himself and that was enough to get Ellie on the dance floor for the first time that night. You were genuinely happy for your friend. If things went well, maybe she had finally found the perfect candidate to push Johnny out of her mind for good. However, Mark was not alone. He had a friend who had sat across from you and hadn't stopped looking at you since. And to your misfortune he didn't seem half as charismatic and genuine as Mark. So while all your friends were having fun you were stuck with a guy who thought that telling you about his gym routine was the right way to get into your —or any other woman's— pants.

You put up with this guy's poor attempts at flirting for as long as you could. You knew that as Ellie's friend your role there was to get the annoying friend out of the way so she could have some alone time with Mark. However, when he started talking about his supposed success at being his own boss —and how people were poor because they didn't try as hard as he did— you knew you had put up with too much. You jumped up from the table, making an excuse about going to the bar for drinks so you could escape the situation. You no longer cared about Ellie or her relationship problems. You needed to get out of there as soon as possible and never cross paths with that guy again in your life.

In your rush to escape, you didn't notice a figure approaching your table until a familiar voice echoed behind you.

“Y/n? There you are! I've been looking for you all night!” Johnny exclaimed with a smile.

Your expression changed from annoyed to confused in an instant. What was he doing there? And why was he talking to you as if you were best friends —as if your current misfortune wasn't his fault.

“Johnny?” was all you could manage to say, the confusion evident in your voice.

“Yes, silly! Were we supposed to meet, or have you forgotten already? Don't tell me you're already drunk!” He gave you a subtle wink and, once you got over the initial shock, you understood what he was trying to do.

Why Johnny Storm of all people in that bar was looking to help you escape your uncomfortable situation was something you didn't understand. But you didn't need to in order to take his help anyway. You were a proud woman, but not proud enough to deny the salvation he was offering you. Who cared about what he had done to your friend? At that moment you wanted to run from there and he was giving you the perfect excuse for that.

“You're right! I'm so sorry!” You played along with the charade, putting on a fake smile and pretending to be happy when you spoke. “I got distracted talking to... my friend here, but you're welcome to join us.” You cringed internally when you couldn't mention his name and you could swear that Johnny's lips quirked into a smile.

“What do you say I go get us some drinks first?”

“That's exactly what I was about to do! I'll join you.”

You didn't even turn to exchange words with Mark's friend before disappearing through the crowd towards the bar. Johnny took you by the waist to guide you through the crowd and you left him just because fighting with him at that moment was not in your best interest. You could still feel the other guy's eyes on your back, following your every step carefully. If you wanted to get away from him for the rest of the night, you had to make sure you made it clear to him that you were unavailable. And Johnny was giving you exactly that opportunity, so you couldn't fight him because the charade would be exposed.

However, when you reached the bar and were able to hide in the crowd of people ordering drinks, you took the opportunity to show Johnny how you really felt about him.

“Thanks for that... but you can keep your hands to yourself.” You said in a rather dry tone, pushing away the arm around your waist.

“Hey, I just saved your life back there! How about you show a little gratitude.” He snorted, but there was the ghost of a smile on his lips.

“I'm not going to show you any gratitude after what you did, you're the reason I have to be here today!”

“What, did I somehow force you to come out of your cave and have some fun?”

“No, you idiot! I'm here because you broke up with Ellie!” You raised an accusatory finger and Johnny raised his hands in the air in surrender.

“And that's why you're mad at me? I thought that's what you wanted me to do! I was honest with her like you asked me to be, you can't blame me for that.”

You looked at him with narrowed eyes, annoyed that he was right. You couldn't be mad at him for doing the one thing you had asked him to do. You could hate him for the way he was in general or curse the moment he fixed his eyes on your friend, but at least he'd had the decency to talk to her and end the relationship before things got more serious. That was the least he could do, but at least he had done it. But still, Ellie was in bad shape because of him which meant he was your number one enemy.

“Still, you made her sad and because of you she dragged me here so I'm not going to talk to you anymore!”

You turned away, leaning back against the bar to wait for the bar tender to let you order. You hoped your attitude would be enough to get rid of Johnny, after all, you didn't really understand why he had decided to help you. However, his smile appeared once again in your field of vision. He settled on the bar next to you, one arm on the table supporting his weight as he looked at you with an amused expression that made your eyes roll.

“I wouldn't be so quick to kick me out just yet.” He leaned toward you to make sure you heard him over the sound of the music and the people around you. “'Cause your friend over there is coming over here. But I'm sure you were having a great time with him and that thing I saw on your face when I walked by your table wasn't annoyance at all, was it?”

“He's what?” your head turned with incredible speed, scanning the crowd for the figure of who you were sure was a government experiment designed to test your limits. Johnny let out a laugh, but your concern didn't let you even care about that.

“Don't look back!” He warned you and your eyes instinctively met his again. “I can get you out of here without him noticing, but you'll have to trust me.”

Your eyes darted to the dance floor, searching for Ellie in the crowd of people. Before deciding anything you wanted to make sure your friend was okay. You found her quickly, still dancing with Mark as she laughed. You assumed that things between them were going well and decided to believe that he was the one she would end the night with so you would feel less bad about running away. Looking back at Johnny, you let out an exhausted sigh. You didn't really like the idea of listening to him, but you also didn't like the thought of having to endure the boring stories that awaited you if you didn't get out of there quickly. You were caught between a rock and a hard place, although ultimately you knew which was the better option. Still, that didn't stop you from being suspicious of Johnny and his intentions.

“And why would I do that?”

“Because you don't have much of a choice.” Johnny said as if it was obvious and you knew he was right. “Or much time. He's getting close.” He added, his eyes getting lost in the crowd behind you for a second before returning to your face.

“But why would you help me?” you insisted, ignoring his last comment.

“Because I felt sorry for you, you looked miserable out there with him.” You looked at him with narrowed eyes, distrust evident in your expression. “It's not a pick up trick if that's what you think.”

“Then why are you helping me?”

“You know what, if you don't trust me that's fine. I guess I'll leave you alone. Enjoy your night.”

Johnny patted you on the back and prepared to walk away, but he didn't make it more than a step before your hand clung to his arm. “Wait!” you hurried to say. “Don't go! I... I need your help.”

Johnny smiled at you and you feared for a moment you had made the wrong decision.

“Follow me!” was all he said before he grabbed your hand and dragged you into the crowd of people on the dance floor.

You let him guide you through the bar, pushing your way through the crowd of sweaty bodies until you found yourself on the other side of the dance floor. When you realized that Johnny was leading you towards the restroom area alarm bells started ringing in your mind. Surely he hadn't lied to you to get into your pants, had he?

“Where are you taking me?” you asked, concern evident in your voice.

Johnny let out a laugh, knowing exactly where your mind was going. “Relax! We're almost there.”

As you passed the restroom area you breathed a sigh of relief. However, it didn't last long because he soon led you to an area of the bar you didn't recognize. And by the absence of people there you suspected that you weren't supposed to be there. You went down a staircase and ended up in a hallway so far away that the music started to become less audible.

“Are you going to murder me?” You joked and Johnny laughed.

“No, I'm going to set you free.”

With his free hand he pointed ahead and then you noticed the illuminated sign marking the back exit of the establishment. Pushing open the metal doors, you found yourself in an not-so-friendly alleyway. If you were alone you probably would have run inside as quickly as you had come out. It really looked like the place where a character from the first few minutes of a crime show would meet their end. It didn't have much lighting and it smelled terrible. And you were pretty sure that if you paid attention you could see the rats that inhabited the dumpsters. You didn't want to be there a second longer than necessary.

“Oh so you're really going to murder me.”

“Come on, my car is not far from here.”

Under normal circumstances you wouldn't have gone anywhere with Johnny, especially after having to put up with Ellie talking about him all week. But that place was creepy and you didn't feel comfortable walking alone to your apartment in the short dress you were wearing. So you held on to Johnny's arm and didn't put up a fight when he opened the passenger door of his car for you. You assumed he was going to take you home, but when he missed a turn and kept driving you looked away from the window to stare at him in confusion.

“You missed it, you had to turn there to get to my street.”

“I know. We're not going to your house yet.” Johnny didn't take his eyes off the road as he spoke, giving you even less of a clue as to what he was up to.

“Are you kidnapping me?”

“What is it with you and those comments, huh? I'm not a serial killer.”

“You're the one acting weird!” you defended yourself. “In my defense, all men are potential serial killers. And Ted Bundy was cute and charming too, so a girl can never let her guard down.”

Johnny took his eyes off the road to look at you for a second, a smile plastered on his lips. “You think I'm charming?”

You felt the heat of embarrassment in your cheeks, but you did your best to hide it. “Really, that's what you take away from that?”

Johnny shrugged. “A compliment's a compliment, even if it's a fucked up one like that.”

You rolled your eyes, deciding not to press the issue any further so as not to expose yourself even more. “Anyway... where are you taking me?”

“The night's still young and I'm hungry so I thought we could stop by and get something to eat before I take you home.”

“Oh.” You murmured, somewhat surprised that Johnny wanted to spend more time with you than was strictly necessary. “I appreciate you asking for my opinion. That was very nice of you.” You added in a sarcastic tone.

“Oh my god, there's no way to please you, is there?” He rolled his eyes, but you knew from the tone of his voice that he wasn't really upset. More like amused you'd say. “I save you back there, take you out for a bite to eat so you don't end the night so badly, and this is how you treat me, huh?”

This time it was your turn to roll your eyes at his feigned pain. But you couldn't deny that he was partly right. You were being a little mean to him, but you couldn't help it. That was your natural reaction when interacting with people you didn't trust, especially people like Johnny. Sarcasm was your defense mechanism and, while you recognized that it made people not like you very much, you weren't willing to change it.

“I'm just saying I'd like to know beforehand.” you doubled down. 

Johnny smiled. He liked your attitude. He wasn't used to girls being themselves around him. Usually they acted a certain way to get his attention, always saying yes to everything, always playing a kind of cat and mouse game. He knew how to play that game very well, almost too well to the point that it was getting boring. He knew what the girls were going to say before he even approached them, which was fine when he was looking for some late night fun, but terrible when he wanted to have a conversation with someone.

In that sense, you were a breeze of fresh air with your strong character and sarcastic remarks. You weren't looking to impress him and you didn't fall for his charisma. You were simply being you and that intrigued him. Since meeting you the morning he woke up in your apartment, Johnny found himself thinking of you from time to time. He recognized you when he saw you in the hallways and wondered if you would ever get another chance to interact. That's why when he saw how uncomfortable you looked at the bar he didn't hesitate to come to your rescue. And that was also why he had made the unilateral decision to invite you to dinner. Johnny wanted to get to know you better, to understand why you awakened so much interest in him.

He stopped at a drive through to order some food and then drove a while longer until he pulled into the parking lot of a supermarket that was closed. You remained silent the whole time —except for telling him your order—, stealing the occasional chip from the bag as you looked out the window, wondering where he was taking you. When Johnny finally stopped the car, he got out and hurried to open the door for you. In one hand he took the bag with the orders in it and wrapped his other hand around yours to help you stand upright in the heels you were wearing.

“Wow, you shouldn't have.” You said, your tone equally sarcastic as you inspected the place.

It wasn't the prettiest spot in town, that was for sure. The fences that enclosed the place were rusted and covered with overgrown vines. There was some graffiti on the walls and a couple of oil stains on the pavement. The place had a bit of a creepy vibe. It was unusual to see a place like that so empty and there was something about it that made the hair on the back of your neck stand up. However, when you looked up you discovered that it had a nice clear view of the sky. The stars were shining beautifully in the dark night sky and that was almost enough to put aside the scary vibes of the place.

“You see, you talk a lot about not wanting to murder me but you bring me to the most isolated place in the whole city.” You joked. “I feel like you're giving me mixed signals. What are we doing here?”

“I come here sometimes when I want to think.” Johnny shrugged as he pulled the food out of the bags, using the hood of the car as a table. “It's pretty quiet in here, don't you think?”

“You think? Who knew.” You regretted that comment the moment it left your lips. You didn't mean to be so aggressive with him, it was just that sometimes you found it hard to turn off the sarcasm once you turned it on. It was the reason you didn't have many friends.  You had to work on that, but it was easier said than done.

Luckily Johnny took no offense at your comment. He simply sat on the hood of the car and popped a couple of fries into his mouth, his eyes never losing that amused sparkle. “Unbelievably, yes. I know what you're thinking 'cute, smart AND sensitive? That must be a lie!' But I assure you it's not, I'm the whole package, baby.” He winked at you and you let out a laugh.

“Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking, how did you know?”

“It's one of my many talents.”

Johnny invited you to sit in the car with him, which you awkwardly did. You ditch your heels immediately, tossing them with mild hatred a couple of feet away from you. You smile as you feel the freedom to move your feet with ease, slowly regaining the feeling in your toes. The tight dress wasn't the most comfortable in the world for the position you were in, but you made it work.

“Give me your jacket.” You said as you popped a potato chip into your mouth.

“Are you cold yet? Should I stand up and do the whole show of draping my jacket over your shoulders like a gentleman?”

“No, silly. This dress is incredibly short and I tend to cross my legs a lot so I don't want to accidentally flash you.” A cheeky grin came across Johnny's face and you knew then what kind of comment he was going to blurt out, so you hurried to shut him up. “Whatever is going through your head, keep it to yourself or I swear to god I'll walk from here to my house.” You added, your accusatory finger pointed straight at his face. He raised his hands in the air in defeat, though the smile did not leave his lips. He still gave you his jacket and you secured it in your lap before doing anything else.

You ate in silence for a while, the soft sounds of the city at night and the sipping of the drinks were the only things you could hear. Normally in that kind of situation you looked calm on the outside but your mind was a worried mess. When you were stuck with a person you didn't know you were always worried that things wouldn't feel awkward. You wanted to be nice, but you could never find the words or the time to say something that would start the conversation. And suddenly the air would start to feel tense and you were never able to tell if it was just you or if the other person was feeling it too. Then it became harder and harder to say something—what if you sounded weird? What if the other person didn't want to talk to you and the very fact that you opened your mouth bothered them? What if it was the complete opposite and by taking too long you had ruined your chances of striking up a conversation? What were people supposed to say in casual conversation? And by the time you realized it, the other person was gone, probably thinking you were weird or rude.

However, sitting quietly next to Johnny didn't bring any of that up. You were just there, eating while enjoying the soft cool evening breeze, not even thinking about what to say or do to fill the silence that had formed. And when you realized that, it confused you. You didn't expect to feel so comfortable with Johnny Storm of all people. You wondered if it was because of the alcohol still coursing through your veins —though you hadn't really had much to drink—, or if maybe it could be because you had no desire to impress Johnny. After all, he wasn't just any stranger. He was someone you never in a million years could have imagined sharing a moment like this with. You two were so different on the surface that you hadn't even imagined ever having a conversation with him, much less a friendly one. You didn't see the point in getting his attention or even generating a friendly relationship because guys like him generally didn't look twice at girls like you –for any reason, romantic or platonic. And maybe that was what was allowing you to be so free, the lack of expectations.

“How did you know about that back exit at the bar?” your voice broke the silence and for once you felt comfortable doing so.

“Well, let's just say I know some people on the staff.” Johnny said with a mouth full of food.

“Well of course you do! I should have seen that one coming.” You shook your head, disappointed in yourself for not having considered the implications behind Johnny's words sooner. Now that you thought about it, it sounded stupid to have asked. Of course he knew probably more than one of the girls who worked there very intimately.

“Hey! I'm more than just a player, you know?” He pretended to be offended, holding a hand to his chest to emphasize the pain your accusations caused him.

“You don't act like that.”

“Well, maybe I only do it for the right people.” He looked very proud of that line, but you had to purse your lips to keep from smirking.

Arching an eyebrow at him, you said, “Does that line usually work on women?”

Johnny let out a chuckle, surprised at how easily you seemed to read him. “Surprisingly, yes.”

“That's okay, Storm. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.” You sighed suddenly, wiping the salt off your hands with a napkin before reaching for your drink. “Show me you're more than a flirt.”

“Uh, a challenge. I like it! Now you're starting to speak my language. What do I have to do?”

“Hold a serious, normal conversation for more than 10 minutes without resorting to cheap lines or meaningless flirting. And maybe I'll start to consider that you're a multifaceted person.”

“But my flirtatious attitude is my best trait!”

“So you agree with me then, all you think about is sex.” You took a moment to sip your nearly empty drink, using the annoying sucking sound to emphasize your point. “Tell me, Johnny, why is it so hard for you to take things seriously?”

“Who are you, my therapist?” He let out a chuckle, but you could swear it was more out of nerves than amusement. You felt a little proud of that. Not many people could make Johnny Storm nervous.

“I'm just one person trying to generate a connection with another person. Usually for that to happen people talk, mostly from a place of honesty and earnestness.” Your sarcastic tone came through again, only a little softer this time. You were beginning to feel really intrigued by what Johnny might answer. Being someone who saw the world completely differently, you couldn't help but wonder how his mind worked. “ What do you do when you talk to the girls you go out with?”

“Well, for starters I don't usually get into arguments about the meaning of life or anything like that.”

“You don't have to get all philosophical to engage in a mildly meaningful conversation with someone.” You rolled your eyes. “What do you talk to them about?”

“There's usually not a lot of talking, if you know what I mean.”

“So you really just repeat a couple of corny lines and that's it?”

Johnny shrugs. “There's a little more to it, but yeah. I'm not looking for a relationship, I just want to have a good time.”

“Still, that sounds boring.”

“Maybe, but it works.”

“So you never talk about your life or your interests with the girls you date?”

Your disbelief was evident. You knew Johnny's attitude wasn't strange. Quite the contrary, most men had that approach to dating and sexual relationships. It was the reason why finding a partner was so complicated for you. However, you found it strange that he didn't see anything wrong with being so emotionally distant from the people he slept with. That was definitely a 'you' problem, because other women were clearly delighted to pass through his sheets without having the slightest connection outside of the physical aspect of it. But for you it was impossible to separate the two. How could you be sexually attracted to someone you didn't know? It sounded like a nightmare.

“I suppose I do, but not to any great extent unless I can use it to my advantage, like my interest in cars.” Johnny shrugged. “I'm sorry, but I don't understand why a girl I don't know would have to hear about the last time I visited my sister or my life story before we had sex.”

“I don't know, maybe so they can get to know you a little better?”

“If I do that they'll think I'm looking for something more serious and they'll never stop chasing me.”

“They already think that, Johnny.” You rolled your eyes. “You're not exactly great at letting people know your true intentions all the time.” Your mind drifted back to your friend and how despite it having been one of the quickest and most honest breakups in Johnny's history as far as you knew —thanks to your intervention— she had still caught feelings for him. And while that wasn't entirely his fault, it was undeniable that he hadn't been entirely upfront with his intentions —at least not explicitly.

“Why am I being judged? You're the weird one! Casual sex is a thing and lots of people enjoy it!” Johnny countered finally, raising an accusatory finger in your direction. “In fact, I think you'd have more fun in life if you'd stop being so uptight. I know at least you would have had a better time tonight.”

“Oh yeah, and stay with Mr. Self-centered back there? No thanks.”

“Oh come on, it couldn't have been that bad!”

“I thought that at first too, but then he started telling me about his gym routine in extreme detail like it mattered to anyone but him and I knew he was an idiot.”

Johnny grimaced in disgust. “His mind was in the right place, but he completely blew it with the execution. He was supposed to make you touch his abs or his biceps so you could feel his muscles.” You shook your head, unable to believe he was taking the time to correct your horror date's flirting techniques. But still, you couldn't help but let out a chuckle as you imagined the sequence. Did Johnny really think that could work on you?

“That's even worse!”

“No it isn't! Look, touch my arm and tell me how it feels.” Johnny winked at you, flexing one of his arms to highlight his muscles. You rolled your eyes and threw a crumpled paper napkin in the center of his face to make him stop.

“Are you flirting with me, Johnny? Because that would prove me right, you know? It hasn't even been five minutes and you're already resorting to overused tactics to try to get me flustered.”

“I'm not! I'm simply showing you what he should have done.”

“Instead of that why don't you tell me something about yourself.”

“Something like what?”

“I don't know, something that lets me get to know you a little better. Something you wouldn't tell one of your conquests.”

Johnny didn't take more than a couple of seconds to think about what to answer, blurting out the first thing that came to his mind. “Well, I was raised by my aunt. My mother died when I was a kid in a car accident...my father is out of the picture too, so my aunt had to take care of me and my sister. Poor Aunt Mary couldn't control me, so I guess that's when my rebellious attitude started to develop.”

Even though Johnny was smiling, you could notice a change in his attitude. The playful sparkle disappeared from his eyes, replaced by a more sober expression. He tried to act casual to hide how uncomfortable it made him feel to be so vulnerable, but he wasn't doing a very good job at it. It was a rare thing to witness. He was a very confident guy, so much so that it was annoying at times, but that attitude seemed to have evaporated. His eyes were focused on an oil stain on the floor, completely lost in thought. He was silent, but he didn't seem to be waiting for a response from you. Rather, he seemed to be having a conversation with himself in the depths of his mind.

For the first time since you met him, you saw Johnny for what he was: a normal guy with a life story as complicated as everyone else's. Not that you didn't know it before, but it was hard to remember when he went to so much trouble to hide it with the way he acted all the time. You didn't have much of a relationship with him, so you usually just saw him as a jerk who enjoyed playing with the hearts of the women he seduced. You didn't necessarily hate him, but you didn't love him either. And while all that might still be true, you were now able to see beyond the image he had created of himself. With those few words he had been able to show you a glimpse of his true self. And you liked that.

The least you could do after that was to return the favor.

“The reason I'm this... structured and focused on my studies is because I want to prove to my family that I can be somebody... that I can do something with my life.” You broke the silence with your confession, drawing Johnny's attention back to you. As he looked at you, his eyes had a softness in them that you had never noticed there before. It helped you not to feel intimidated by opening up about something so personal in front of him. “They never believed much in me so I never believed much in myself. Until I got my acceptance letter, so I made it my mission to graduate with honors.” You let out an uncomfortable chuckle, not quite knowing how to proceed after such a revelation.

Johnny was surprised by your words. He found it hard to believe that you had such a negative image of yourself, especially in relation to academics. He didn't know you very well, and yet he could safely say that you were the smartest and most prepared person on campus. It was a little sad that you weren't able to see that. But it was even worse that you went out of your way to impress people who didn't deserve it.

That was the moment he decided he should stay close to you. You needed him in your life even if you didn't realize it. You needed someone like him to help you remember that it was your life and you should live it according to your desires, not the expectations of others. He could help you loosen up a little and release the fun part of you that he knew you were hiding inside.

“Fuck that! You don't have to prove anything to anyone.” Johnny said and you were surprised by the honesty in his voice. “You should live your life for you and not to meet someone else's expectations. We only get one shot at this, and it's too short, so we should make sure we live up to our own desires.”

“Thank you, Johnny. That was... very profound and smart of you.” You smiled at him, but this time it wasn't sarcasm. You were genuinely impressed with his words. It was a very Johnny thing to say, but it painted him in a different light. Knowing what you knew about him now put some depth to his everyday actions. He wasn't annoyingly reckless just for the fun of it, there was more weight behind it, a thoughtfulness and awareness you didn't consider he had.  

“I told you I'm more than just a pretty face.” Johnny sounded proud of himself, gloating at being able to tell you 'I told you so' after you didn't want to believe him. You couldn't help but giggle.

“You're right, you are. But I'm right too, because I never would have figured it out if you didn't open up to me and we had a normal adult conversation.” You pointed out and Johnny rolled his eyes at your smartass attitude. “See, human connection! Now that I know you a little better I see you as more than the annoying playboy who broke my friend's heart... And I hope you can see me in a different light too. Isn't that nice?”

“No 'cause now I'm sad because you made me have deep thoughts.”

“It's okay to feel sad sometimes, especially with the right person.”

“Why would I want to be sad when I can not be sad if I don't think about it?”

“Oh my God!” you exclaimed, unable to believe your ears. How was it possible for Johnny to go from saying one of the wisest things you'd ever heard to...that in such a short time? He really was a multifaceted guy. “Do I have to explain emotions to you as if you were a five year old? They are normal, they are part of the human experience and a functioning adult like you shouldn't bottle them up inside. It's healthy to let them out from time to time, even the ugly ones, especially if you find the right person to do it with.”

“So what you're saying is... you're the right person.”

“What? No! I mean, I don't know... if you want me to.” His words took you by surprise to such an extent that you didn't know how to react.

Your first reaction was to refuse, making a weird expression, a mixture of disgust and surprise. You weren't looking to have a friendship with Johnny, he was rather forcing it by continuing to show up in your life. But then you felt bad about how quick you were to dismiss him. Maybe he wasn't as bad as you thought he was. Maybe you weren't so different. Maybe he really needed someone to talk to and this whole thing was his weird way of asking for it without having to say it. Or maybe he was just trying to fuck with your mind. One could never be sure of anything with Johnny.

“Why the sudden fluster? Don't you want to be my friend? After all that! I showed you my soul, opened up to you and all for you to reject me? I can't believe it! And you said you were better than me, ha!”

You knew he was joking, his exaggerated tone and the way he touched his chest in feigned pain gave it away, but it still made you feel bad for what you said. “I didn't mean that! You caught me off guard... I mean, do you even want to be my friend?”

Johnny shrugged. “Why not? You seem nice and I must admit I enjoyed our little chat.”

You smiled at his words, although you didn't quite understand why. “Okay, I guess we can be friends... but no bullshit!” You added that last once again raising your accusatory finger.

Johnny let out a chuckle, throwing his hands up in the air. “No bullshit, I promise.”

A small silence formed then. It wasn't necessarily uncomfortable, but it wasn't pleasant either. You could both read in each other's faces how surprised and bizarre you found the situation you were in, but neither seemed to want to back down. As strange as it seemed, it was also interesting. Both of you were intrigued by what this new friendship might bring to your lives.

It was a challenge for the two of you. If you were honest with yourself, you didn't have much faith that things would work out. You figured he would get bored of you in a couple of days —weeks if you were being optimistic— and never speak to you again. You wouldn't blame him for that, you didn't feel like you were interesting and you didn't know how much fun you could have with someone who was so different from you.

But Johnny was a completely different story.  He wasn't someone who ran away from a challenge, and as sweet as your talk was just then, becoming your friend was exactly that: a challenge he would have to overcome. It was exciting and intriguing, exactly what he needed to escape the monotony he'd been stuck in lately. You seemed like a nice person despite your differences, which he didn't see as a negative. He felt he could learn a few things from you, as well as teach you a few others.

“Do we shake on it?” Johnny broke the silence. “Or maybe we make a blood pact like in the movies.”

“No dumbass! We're not kids.” You laugh, shaking your head. “Now take me home, it's getting late and tomorrow I have to get up early to study.”

“Fine, but just so you know, there will be a lot less studying if you're my friend. You need to enjoy life a little more.”

You rolled your eyes. “Good, well then there will be a lot less quick hookups and more sharing of our feelings if you're my friend.” You went along with the joke. You expected him to complain, but Johnny didn't seem to mind.

“All right. Then please allow me...” He jumped up from the hood and walked a couple of steps to reach the heels you had thrown away when you arrived. “I can't let you touch the pavement with your bare feet. Let me help you.”

Before you could object Johnny knelt down in front of you like a man in love about to propose to his partner. Only instead of a ring he offered you your heels. He took your right leg gently and rested your foot on his thigh as he tried to figure out which shoe to place on which foot. Your skin tingled under his touch, your face hot from the intensity of Johnny's gaze as he carefully fitted your shoe. You knew he was playing with you, you could read it in his face, and yet you could do nothing but stand there, frozen in place as you let him take care of securing the heels back on your feet. Even though he was doing it to tease you, there was something incredibly intimate about his action that left you feeling stupid. His fingers lingered on your skin for a few seconds longer than necessary, arousing warmth in its path. His gaze traveled from your legs to your eyes and back to your heels, admiring your figure in a way you weren't sure another man had ever done before. Everything seemed to move in slow motion —the ticking of the clock, his fingers, your breathing, the night breeze hitting your body. Everything but your heart, which was pounding in your chest with an increasingly faster and stronger rhythm.

You managed to come out of your trance when he finally pulled his hands away from your body. So you took your foot off his thigh and jumped up, as if suddenly the metal of the car burned you. You felt embarrassed that you had fallen for his trick and even more embarrassed that he knew you had bought into his game. The damn bastard had done it on purpose, just to show you that he could, that you were no different from the others even though you presented yourself that way, and that with the right approach you could fall under his spell like all the others.

“What did I just tell you about all this bullshit?” You threw his jacket violently at him before making your way to the side of the car. Johnny caught it in mid-air, letting out a laugh that you found in equal measure charming and annoying.

“What? I was just being nice!” He played it off, throwing his hands up in the air in innocence. You decided to answer him by slamming the car door after settling into the passenger seat, crossing your arms over your chest. But all you did was make him laugh even harder.

“You look adorable when you get mad... and when you get flustered too.” He teased you as he put the key in to start the car.

“Drive or I'll end up being the one who kills someone tonight.”

[bearsintreesofficial]

a recreation of a sonic fanfiction i wrote when i was 10

ok y'all, some context is needed.

we have a song called cassiopeia coming out tonight. i made a tiktok that said if the sound for cassiopeia is used 100 times, i'll publish the sonic fanfiction i wrote when i was 10 that i joke about a lot but have never shared. anyway, this happened in an hour. i am shocked. i did not expect it to happen so quickly, if at all. i begin my search.

well, it turns out i can't publish it because the places it was published no longer exist, and 10 y/o me didn't back it up (although i thought i had). bummer. an early internet relic gone.

either way, the plot details are seared into my memory because honestly? for some reason, that small act of creativity was a core memory in my life. so while i can't share it, i can retell it, because it's silly and pretty accurately captures what it's like to be 10 and obsessed with a piece of popular media. so here goes.

enjoy, and stream our new single cassiopeia tonight.

SCENE OPENS

the fanfiction was about a page long. the story opens with me - in school, as i did most every day of my life up to that point. in the story, sonic/tails/knuckles live in the human world, and essentially function as superheroes. there's no explanation for it, they just are there keeping the earth safe and such. we are also friends. there is no explanation or backstory for that either.

with the setting established, we're straight into the action; an alien pod crash lands in our school playground after school. me and my friend are the only kids left. where are the teachers? who knows. as is evident, worldbuilding was not my strong point.

anyway, in this alien pod is...an alien. it was a spider that looked a lot like the facehuggers from the alien film franchise, because i'd seen a clip of that as a kid and it freaked the hell out of me. i call sonic (where did i get a mobile phone from?) and let him know something Serious is going down. sonic and tails arrive - knuckles is too busy trying to get the master emerald back from doctor robotnik in this instance.

my friend and i take a back seat and let sonic and tails deal with the weird alien thing. they deal with one, but as soon as they get rid of it 10 other capsules drop in the area. sonic and tails can't take them all, so me and my friend join in to help take them out. i didn't really account for how, but we're fighting all back to back and it's very epic. (sonic x was the prevailing sonic show at the time, and it was y'know - very dramatic. so this was like a scene from that.) tails even brings in the tornado two, his personal plane, to run rings around them. after we finish the final facehugger alien off, a final alien pod descends. but out of this pod emerges...

shadow the hedgehog.

the aliens had been sent by him, and he was here to take sonic down. this was all part of his master plan.

the piece then ended, because i suppose i was going to follow it up at some point. but alas, that did not happen.

moral(s) of the story:

archive the silly stuff you wrote when you were a kid, it'll be fun to look back on later.

stream our new song, cassiopeia. it has nothing to do with any of this, but i think it's neat regardless.

thank you.

[superblysubpar]

🥺 so um for your dad blurbs, what about like a lil ‘meet cute’ sitch with singledad!eddie x singlemom!reader. maybe their lil toddlers become friends on the playground or somethin’?? idk idk feel free to ignore me!! 💗

cece um what? why why why would I ignore you or this?! Sorry this one too got away from me, I can't seem to write teeny tiny blurbs guys. Thank you so much for requesting and I hope you like it! 💛dad blurbs

summary: see above Eddie deals with his daughter throwing a tantrum but - this is fluff warnings: single mom reader, descriptions of wiggling worms and reader touching them so if you ain't into bugs sorry | even if a fic is not marked 18+, my blog is - please respect this

1.5k words

Why Do Worms Exist?

singledad!eddie munson x singlemom!reader

Hands tugging at his curls in impatience as he juggles the backpack, the keys, the twelve leaves left in his custody and the angry toddler in his arms. 

“Down!” she tugs harsher and he huffs. 

Haircuts and baths seemed to be the only time his kid felt like reminding him that she was in fact his kid. Squirming and wrestling and shrieking loud enough the glass on the apartment windows could pop. He was grateful for his daughter, don’t get him wrong. Reminding himself whenever the demon possessed her during those moments that she’d be his quiet and wonderful kid again soon. 

But no one could have predicted that walking and exploring and learning would hit around the same time as Autumn in Hawkins - well okay, maybe someone else could have other than him. But no one, including Eddie could have foreseen that his unique and already quirky baby girl would be fascinated by any and everything that season had to offer her. And, really, how could he have predicted the meltdowns about these things when he told her she couldn’t take them all home with her?

Fucking leaves. 

And worms. Why’d his kid have to like worms? 

Maybe that was his own fault for calling her Bug. Were worms bugs? Were they their own…species? Jesus Christ he barely got his diploma and now here he is with a kid having a level thirteen meltdown about leaves. What happened when she got older and had questions about these things she found fascinating and he had nothing to offer her? Maybe Dustin would have a book on it. Or Robin. She’s into weird stuff and random facts. 

Eddie sucks in his breath as Sam yanks one curl particularly hard and realizes that if it’s bad now, the very near future of Spring would be even worse. And oh god, the rain and the mud and even more worms and his heart starts racing faster as he thinks about how much bigger she’d be come then. She’d put up even more of a fight. 

He finally gets the pack over his shoulder, the keys tucked safely in a pocket. Sammy’s butt supported under his arm and his hand with the leaves wrapped around her back. Twelve leaves - they’d barely made it down the sidewalk. 

She pushes against his chest, cheeks red and flushed to match her bright red rain boots dangling and kicking dangerously close to unwanted territory and he winces, “Hey, hey, watch it Bug. Getting too close for comfort there.”

Eddie knows she didn’t catch any of that and her tiny hands wind fists into his hair and her chin wobbles as he prepares for the wail to come and he squeezes his eyes shut. Only to be met with fiercer squirming and a head butt to his jaw that makes his ears ring, “Ouch! Sammy, come on, you can get down soon!”

He didn’t yell, but he definitely raised his voice more than he meant to. Sam cries and cries like he’d seen other kids do when heading in the opposite direction of the park. As they round the corner he can see the bright reds, yellows, and blues of the slides and jungle gym.

“Look, Bug, swings,” trying and failing to calm her down with a favorite word and activity. He sighs as other parents look his way as he gets closer. Sure, his kids shrieking was disturbing the peace but theirs screaming on the playground was fine. Gossiping and judging girls from high school who grew up into moms but didn’t outgrow anything else.

He sits on the bench as Sammy pulls and yanks more, closing his eyes again. Eddie presses his forehead to hers, wincing every time she hits against it. He speaks quietly, “Bug, come on, listen to daddy. Calm down.” 

He sets the leaves on the bench and the crying stops almost instantly. He opens his eyes, Sam’s temple to his nose, crocodile tears trailing down her cheeks and tiny chubby hands reaching towards the pile. 

“Leeb,” she hiccups and grabs at the pile. 

Eddie holds her in a firm lock, hand rubbing soothing circles up and down her back, “Leaf?”

She grunts, trying to squirm away again and she whines, “Pwease!”

Heart aching because she’s trying to say please, and she knows that’s the nice way to ask as she calms down. But god, he can’t have her bringing home every leaf from the park.

“Bug,” he taps the pile, “Leaves stay here. Not coming home with us. Leaves stay outside.” 

She huffs and he watches in wonder and awe as she nods and whispers, “Owside leebs.”

He grins. He did it. He dealt with a tantrum while judgey moms watched and his daughter is smart. She understood so much and she was probably gonna be a scientist or some crazy awesome shit he couldn’t even come up with. 

Eddie kisses her nose and wipes her cheeks with his thumbs, body relaxing, “Right. Outside leaves. Ready to go play?”

She shimmies out of his grasp, legs dangling until her boots hit the ground and she wanders toward the playground only to pick up a stick. Poking at the dirt and he covers his smile when she sits. Her plaid jumper and tights dragging and collecting all the dirt and leaves they can manage. 

A little boy sits next to her and she smiles at him, a dimple popping out and extending a stick to him like Eddie had taught her to share. He swallows harshly when she grabs his hand and they waddle to a particularly muddy puddle. 

Oh fuck. She’s gonna get even older and the meltdowns aren’t gonna be about fucking worms they’re gonna be about boys or drinking or-

“You look like you’re dealing with some extreme and sudden realizations right now.”

Eddie glances up to see you standing near his bench, smiling kindly and a cup of coffee in your hands. He’s taken aback one because an adult is talking to him instead of standing off to the side and judging and two because holy shit were you pretty. 

He gulps audibly, “I-uh,” he glances back at his daughter who’s fully laying in the dirt on her stomach now and he smiles, “Yeah, uh I guess you could say that.”

Gesturing to his kid and the little boy, “I see yours is corrupting mine. Believe it or not we’d managed to stay away from dirt until today.”

Eddie grins widely, “Well wait till he finds all the things crawling around in the dirt and wants to take them home.”

Your gloved hand presses to your cheek, dragging it down as you groan loudly, “Why do worms exist?”

He watches you watch the kids, your face melting into warmth and that sappy wow that’s mine look he knows he gets with Sammy all the time. He’s a goner if you’re single. 

Gesturing to the bench and scooting over he sighs, “Pretty sure only to torture parents.”

“Great. Can’t wait,” you deadpan and sit, removing your gloves and extending a hand to him and introducing yourself.

Just because there isn’t a ring doesn’t mean anything. He shakes it back, “Eddie.” 

Nodding your head to the little boy who’s flinging dirt around wildly with his stick, “That’s Parker. My right hand guy.”

Eddie straightens and sees the webs across the backpack you’re stuffing the gloves in and smirks, “As in Peter?”

Clearing your throat and taking a sip of your coffee before continuing, “Yeah, I’m shameless. I named my kid after my favorite superhero, okay? I was alone and drugged up on all the painkillers they could legally give me.”

Alone. 

He waves his hand, “It’s okay, mine's after a Lord of the Rings character.”

You smile at him, shy and sweet. He should just ask right? Or offer up his own information. Is it like just sharing your phone number with a girl? Hey, I’m Eddie, I’m a single parent are you? Not sure what’s about to come out of his mouth, but he’s stopped as his daughter decides she wants to be the worst wingwoman on planet earth right at that moment. 

“Hole pwease,” her tiny voice brings his attention down, extending her dirt smothered hands out to you.

Your mom instincts kick in, holding out your hands like it’s nothing but Eddie knows exactly what Sammy is about to drop in your hands. He’s not quick enough when he leans forward though, 

“No, Bug, don’t-”

Several squirming worms drop down into your palms and he watches your eyes go wide. You don’t freak out or grimace though, instead you smile and extend your hands out further when your son drops more into the pile. 

Your smile is bright, cheeks popping and eyes shimmering and your laugh swirls around his heart as you speak to them in a way that makes his stomach flutter, “Woah you guys! Look at all these awesome worms!”

He watches in awe as you ask their names and sit patiently with wiggling worms in your hands as they point and poke at them and his daughter holds one up closer to your face and your eyes go wide and she giggles.

He’s a total and absolute goner. 

[baldurs-writers-3]

Horror: A Baldur's Gate 3 Fanfiction Rec List

This week, we have Horror! Check under the cut for seven fics that explore some of the darker and more frightening elements of Faerun, and as always, comment and kudos if you like them!

Hand, Hearth, and Home by ElleKhen (393,131, Explicit) Content Notes: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Body Horror Pairings: Astarion/Male Tav

This fic covers the backstory and in-game story of a warlock who was raised by a shadow-fey-possessed church. After being infected by the mind flayer tadpole, he meets a dream guardian who appears to him as a childhood friend and first love who he thought dead. As his party goes on with their quest, he is also forced to face the consequences of his shadow-cursed existence, and what that means for the people he loves.

Reccer says: I love that this fic is full of visceral, angsty smut and exciting action. But the author always follows up the hurt with comfort. They especially approach the Astarion romance with so much care, and do a great job of writing his voice. Due to the nature of Church’s magic, there are body horror elements especially when the story covers the events of Act 2. This fic expands upon the Shadowlands, Shadowfell, the Raven Queen, and shadow magic as a whole to depict terrifying sequences Church must face with his companions (and lover) beside him. I learned a lot about that particular D&D lore that way, and it made Act 2 feel a lot bigger and scarier than it originally felt.

A Dream of Silence by AbigailMoment (2,683, Mature) Content Notes: possible main char death Pairings: astarion/tav

An interactive story, where you have to save Astarion from a horrible nightmare of worst thing that Cazador ever did to him

Reccer says: Very well written with tons of replayability. Also you get to pet his hair

What Could Have Been by Bella1433! (119,228, Explicit) Content Notes: Dark themes, there are archive warnings Pairings: Tav (named) X Astarion

The maze scene, the race through the city. Astarion is a terrifying vampire lord in this fic!

Reccer says: Vampire lord acting like a vampire lord and being terrifying! Using his powers

The Tyrant, the Assassin, and the Corpse by aqeldroma (3,241, Explicit) Content Notes: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Murder Pairings: The Dark Urge/Enver Gortash

After the Hall of Wonders, the Dark Urge visits Gortash to test him in another way. When she finds someone already in his bed, the night turns predictably violent.

Reccer says: Pre-canon Dark Urge and Gortash pairing, set back when they are testing each other's limits. The horrific things happen to everyone in their orbit, naturally.

Hunger is Satisfaction by CountTavula (25,904, Explicit) Content Notes: Very dark content Pairings: Tav X Astarion

The psychological horror in this is extremely high and surprisingly so.

Reccer says: Its a thriller, psychological horror, not even a dark fantasy most times, just...dread

The Vanishing of Astarion Ancunín: The beginning by Gally (3,526, Mature) Content Notes: None Pairings: None

A glimpse at his last few days of life and the first terrifying minutes of his new unlife.

Reccer says: He wasn't an evil man, he wasn't a great man... he was just a man.

Bathed in Sound by Nikolai_237 (1,005, General) Content Notes: None Pairings: Karlach/Tav

In the Feyweird, not all is dangerous but most is unsettling. For instance, sometimes you find your partner just sitting in the middle of a bunch of floating whale skeletons.

Reccer says: This is my first concept fic for the Feyweird, my psychological horror playground, and for some reason people seem to like it. I enjoy writing creepy stuff and I love weaving horror into my work.

The above fanfic recommendations were pulled from our community for this weekly event. Have any questions about what this is? Check out the FAQ!

Next week, we’ll be returning with a character rec list, this time for Lae’zel! 

[localcanadiancreature62]

Gravity Falls Sona/Self-insert

I made a guy and ofc her backstory/half of her personality is tied to Bill lmaoo. @aria-greenhoodie This is partly your fault btw. You made me redo my old ass gfsona from months ago because of Curly being such a fun character and i figured i should make a fucked up guy too. Backstory under the cut.

Lex/The Skillstealer is a purple haired woman who's name is a placeholder name short for "Skil(l) ind(ex)",as a reference to her power absorbing ability as she doesn't know her actual name due to a certain triangle messing with her memories.

She can not only take supernatural powers but also general skills that people have such as fire powers or a violinist's talent,she often merges powers with skills which make her insane antics all the more entertaining.

For example; One time she stole a man's ridiculously good guessing ability/intuition and also some golden goose's midas touch,and then she used both of those abilities to correctly guess lottery numbers which is why she won a million dollars that she then turned into gold.

She lives in a big castle in some In Between Realm where space-time doesn't exist as it is an area outside of the timestream,which is why she never gets caught from her crimes as she escapes to the literal outside of space-time soon after causing a ruckus on Earth.

Her castle is maintained by herself as she uses a speed god's super speed to swiftly clean the place and her rewinding ability from a clock being to fix anything that's broken there. Lex is fully aware of how powerful she is,but she only uses her ability to prank or hurt others because "Where's the fun in power when i can just mess with those humans?",in her own words.

However such power was only obtained after so much pain,and loss. When she was eight years old,Lex lost everything after Bill destroyed her dimension Suburbia (a medieval world with no war no drama no pain only peaceful farmer humans and plant people) by burning everything to the ground and then he also killed her parents while kidnapping her soon afterwards.

He killed her parents because he wanted to see what it would be like to break such a happy person living in a happy go lucky world. Soon after kidnapping her,Bill forced the girl to become one of his Henchmaniacs as the only human one out of a group of freaky monsters and then he gave her advanced weaponry to help him destroy and conquer worlds as well as kill people,and she did as told as he threatened to torture her or feed her to Teeth if she didn't obey.

Bill and Lex grew to have a babysitter child/friendship type relationship as the triangle found himself having to take care of the damn kid,actually letting her play in sandpits or hang out with other children just to keep her sane and or from whining. However,the girl eventually started to hate him as she slowly started to see how horrible her dear triangle babysitter is whenever she saw him mistreat the Henchmaniacs or torture innocents without hesitation,Bill didn't want his new little pawn (backstory happens pre canon. this happened like,a hundred years before Bill met Ford) to betray him one day so he decided to erase all of Lex's memories from before he kidnapped her and thus making her believe that he was the only one who cared after her parents supposedly abandoned her as well as making her only remember the fun times they had in laser tag earth playgrounds etc.

This instantly fixed the betrayal issue as Lex now believes that Bill is the only one who cares about her and she is now less hesitant about helping the isosceles conquer worlds and or kill innocent people as she knew it made her only friend happy. This act also made her forget her own name which is why she's only known as "Kid" by Bill in an attempt to not accidentally make her remember everything.

But then Bill got bored of the whole "Human Henchmaniac" thing so he decided to grab her soul and put it inside of a cane for five years just to play around with the concept of loose souls,Lex was fully conscious during this time which is why Bill deliberately tried to make her soul go through a living hell for his own amusement. He smacks the end of cane on the ground to get the Henchmaniacs' attention while knowing it hurts Lex,he swings it around not just to be dramatic but also to make Lex dizzy,and he has snapped that cane in half countless times just to torment the girl. He then later got bored of that too by the time the girl is now 13 and so he grabbed Lex's soul and forced it back into her body. The fact that her friend tormented her in a "I have no mouth but i must scream" situation for YEARS greatly betrayed her and made her hatred of the triangle from five years ago resurface into a bubbling rage,as she then tried to kill the triangle with his own weaponry that he summoned for her but then he warned her to not do that as he strangled her while making her promise to not try anything like that again lest she get hurt even more and also made her promise to keep serving him,and so she did as told as she kept serving the insane isoselces while still having a dormant anger toward him.

She kept killing others helping destroy and conquer worlds as well as torture innocents like usual,with no hesitation but she hates that she has to be that triangle's underling for the rest of her life. Then one day,she started to notice her body changing and not just in a puberty way,her body was LITERALLY changing as her limbs started to grow cracks on the surface. She then confronted Bill about this and he explained that whenever a soul is without a vessel for too long then the soul is forced back inside it's original vessel,it starts to make the vessel deteriorate as the vessel is used to being an empty husk and is thus now rejecting the soul and then it'll eventually fully reject the soul entirely as time goes on.

Either that or the soul starts to get corrupted from being separated from it's vessel for too long.

Bill knew this from the start when he was first going to grab Lex's soul,yet he did it anyway as he wanted to have fun regardless,this made the girl rightfully angry but she didn't do anything about it as she feared getting hurt by the triangle. Then the soul corruption started happening,as she started to become angrier and more chaotic and more sadistic,eventually starting to lose her conscience as the corruption took over her. She is now just as cruel as her master without any doubts or guilt over her behavior,the corruption turned her mind into a husk just as her body used to be.

Then things only got worse after she made a wish upon a shooting star to become powerful enough to overthrow her triangular master as she still hates him despite the triangle sparing her multiple times,and the wish was actually effective as she suddenly got her trademark Skill Stealing ability soon afterwards. She then decided to steal Bill's fire ability after he tried to blast a flame at her as "punishment" for not hanging out with the Henchmaniacs in his place,discovering that she can now fight against him without any fear,and she then proceeded to burn his eye while putting her hand on it,making him scream in agony as he begged for her to stop and she did but only if he let her go. And so he did.

Lex then went over to Earth after absorbing Bill's dimensional rift opening ability,deciding to live a new life with a new name,Lex. She then went on to become the world's mysterious menace as she started to gain abilities out of nowhere to terrorize others,and the press dubbed her to be the "Skillstealer" after someone witnessed her take an ability by literally absorbing it with her hands as their ability glowed in a bright line. And she found herself a new home after killing and replacing the owner of a Victorian castle by removing all the water in the person's body using her water manipulation power,dubbing it the Skillstealer Fortress.

Lex was living the dream,but then a few nightmares started to come back as she remembered her former friend/master Bill Cipher,she couldn't shake the thought of sparing him after everything he had done to her. So she immediately went to his location after she got word of his whereabouts from the Henchmaniacs as she confronted them about Bill when she teleported to the Nightmare Realm,with them telling her that he's in space prison now. She then began to torment him with burning electrocution acid squeezing him until he cracked and the like,finally managing to take revenge on her abuser as she torments him within the Theraprism over and over and over. (End)