#i lovelovelove the superposition of violence and gentleness in him waow
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John is so capable of violence, has seen and endured and caused so much violence, has learned so well how to hurt. He has rage inside of him. Against abusers. Against himself.
But he is still so gentle and nice and comforting and he smiles and the numbers hug him and he tells Megan with tears in his eyes how you lose a part of yourself when you kill someone. He wants to help.
And. He wants to die but then. Why not live to help people. Then. Why not live because it's nice.
#i lovelovelove the superposition of violence and gentleness in him waow#anyway. wheres that post i wrote about poi being about not being defined by your past and doing what you can is enough etc etc#also idk im just veryyy not normal about john being suicidal and then less suicidal#i didnt like his death#like beyond my fav character died idk it rubs me the wrong way that he was suicidal then crawled out of si to just pretty much kill himself#not that im against stories of suicidal characters killing themselves. (just tired of non suicidal ppl writing dumb shit ig)#but idk. for him to end like this when i feel like hed have at most passive si#i dont like the idea of framing his death as a sacrifice. as smth he wanted and was “meant to be”.#i understand he wanted to save harold and i know how he gets when harold is in danger but it felt like he threw his life away too easily#i just wanted to see him get out of his suicidal/self sacrificing ways. save harold and save himself as well#anyway my john is antisuicidist and goes to alt2su meetings ok bye#like the way he helps homeless people bc he knows what its like. he goes there when he has peaks of si but also to help people#johns sidequest of dealing with chronic si and learning about suicidism and peer support gjdjzjffj#wasnt planning on rambling in tags but anyway im normal now 👍#person of interest#john reese#tw suicide#nourann.txt
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