#i loved this part of the essay a lot and i think it suited them; i hope you like this set lolo! <3

[trueloveistreacherous]

MARELLA'S 12TH TUMBLR ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION special gifset for @useragarfield 🎁

'Cupboard Love' in The Kitchen: Essays on Food and Life, Ella Risbridger

[twilightcitysky]

Everything Is Meant (long S2 analysis, part 1)

I cannot figure out for the life of me how to make gifs so this will have to be a gif-less essay. If anyone more tech savvy than me wants to reblog with relevant media, please do!

I've seen a lot of people saying how Aziraphale's actions in the final ten minutes come out of left field and are OOC, and when I first watched the episode I felt the same, but now I think I couldn't have been more wrong. And I don't think Aziraphale is being controlled... I think the entire season showed us exactly what was going to happen.

On first watch, what struck me was the number of plot points that seemed disconnected. I couldn't figure out how Job related to the present, or the Victorian era, or the Nazi zombies (still at sea on the zombies part tbh). I didn't know where the Maggie/ Nina subplot was going, or why we were bothering with it. Then I put my "psych hat" on and it was like seeing one of those 3D pictures come into focus. It's a psychological networking rather than a plot-driven one, which is what Neil told us to expect.

Detailed analysis under the cut, with spoilers:

I went back through the season in my head and started asking myself: why is this element there? What does it contribute?

1. Start with scene one. Why include it? Does it matter for the climax that Az knew Crowley as an angel? YES. It's actually huge. Angel Crowley was joyful, he was bursting with delight at creation, he was idealistic. He wanted to be a part of everything rather than run away from it, and that's still how Aziraphale feels. He loves being a part of things. He's a joiner. He's a landlord. He dances at clubs and he makes human friends and he learns magic. Crowley the demon doesn't seem to want any of that, and I think that's hard for Az. He wants Crowley to be free of the cynicism he thinks prevents him from enjoying life now. At some level, I think he senses that Crowley is depressed (empathy's not his strong suit but I'm sure he's aware that Crowley's in a "what's the point of it all" kind of mood; see the eccles cakes scene). He wants to fix it. Aziraphale is a fixer. Metatron offers him a chance to do that.

Another thing is that Aziraphale knows Crowley ended up Falling just for asking questions that seemed innocent. That's not okay with him. He thinks that with the two of them in charge they can actually MAKE the changes that Crowley wanted to see way back at the beginning, starting with a suggestion box.

2. Okay, now Jim. Obviously Gabriel/ Jim is the central mystery, but why does he matter? First and foremost: he's there to show Aziraphale that angels can CHANGE. Gabriel terrorized and threatened Aziraphale. Az has been terrified of him. He ordered Aziraphale's execution. And now here he is, drinking hot chocolate, doing noble self-sacrificing things, with morals that suddenly align with Aziraphale's. What an absolute game-changer that must have been! He thought Heaven was unfixable, but here's Gabriel in his shop for weeks, slowly convincing him otherwise.

Then two other things happen. First, they find out that this all happened to Gabriel essentially because he fell in love. He was fired and his memories were stolen and the only reason he recovered was because Beelzebub happened to give him the one thing that could save him. That must have seemed like incredible luck. Now, how does Aziraphale feel about memories? He lives in a bookshop that is stuffed to bursting with the records of all of human history, essentially. His memories of his time with Crowley are incredibly precious. He sees, there at the end, that everything he is can be taken from him as a punishment for falling in love. Aziraphale doesn't have a magic fly container. He'd be forever robbed of Crowley, his life, himself. It's a very real threat in his mind when Metatron intervenes.

Which brings us to the second thing. Metatron saves Gabriel. Not only that, he prevents him from being punished for loving Beelzebub and lets them both go. What better way to win currency with Aziraphale? HE doesn't want to go off to Alpha Centauri, he never has, but suddenly he sees that Metatron might protect his relationship. And he's probably the only entity with the power to do so.

So we come to two conclusions: Aziraphale, when he goes off to talk with Metatron, is feeling like maybe it's not intrinsically bad to be an angel. He believed all the angels sucked, and only God was good... but now he sees that even Gabriel can change. He met Muriel, and he likes them. (He also had a huge crush on angel Crowley, which is neither here nor there but he loves Crowley in all his forms.) So if Crowley became an angel again, would that really be so bad? In his mind, it wouldn't change who Crowley is. It would just make them both safer and allow them to be together. (He's wrong! And Crowley doesn't see it that way! But this is a key miscommunication. Aziraphale doesn't really believe that becoming a demon changed Crowley. Back to the first scene, which Aziraphale references during the Job minisode. In his eyes, Crowley is the same person (just more cynical because of what's happened to him)-- so why would it matter if he's an angel again? I truly don't think he was trying to save Crowley, or saying that Crowley would be Better as an angel. To him, it doesn't matter what Crowley is. Which is reductive and harmful, but not the same as thinking Crowley needs rescuing from himself.)

Second conclusion: he sees that an angel and demon can be in love, but they have to run away to be together. Gabe and Beelz couldn't go home again. Earth is Aziraphale's home, but after the attack on the bookshop he learned that without Heaven's protection he can't really keep them safe there. Metatron says: "Come with me, do this thing, and you can have guaranteed safety AND be with the love of your life". Poor Aziraphale wants this with every fiber of his being. All he's ever wanted was for Crowley to be safe. He's never been able to offer it. Over the past four years, he thought they were safe, but he's just learned that he was wrong.

This is getting long. Continued in Part Two!

[simpingsavant]

Late Night

Pairing: Spencer Agnew x GN!Reader

Summary: You are the person always working when Spencer stops by to get his fix of Mountain Dew Kickstart.

Genre/Warnings: Fluff, slow-burn. A gross man flirts w you for plot purposes. Promise it's very non-major but just in case.

Word Count: 6.4k

A/N: First time posting for smosh, but not the first time posting fanfic. I made a whole side blog for this lol I'm thinking I want to post more so feel free to send me smosh requests and give lots of love so I stay motivated to write more hehe <3

Working the graveyard shift at a 24-hour convenience store is generally not a good idea. Except this one is in a nice area of LA, you’re almost always working with someone, and it’s slow enough that you can get your grad school work done.

Four months ago, when you were first looking at the help wanted sign in the window, you decided you would give it a week to see if it was actually worth it. Now, you were contently typing away on your computer as a group of middle-aged people grabbed alcohol and snacks. They were fancily dressed but the expressions on their faces were reminiscent of college students who were partying through the night like they owned it. When they came up with a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon and enough snacks to last them weeks, you happily scanned the items.

The silver fox dressed in a deep, blue suit dropped a twenty in the tip jar.

“Thank you,” You said, handing him a receipt as his cohorts grabbed the food.

The bell jingled as they left. Your coworker was in the back taking inventory. You looked down at your laptop, rereading the last couple of sentences as you found your place in the research essay you’d been taking notes from.

You loved your job. You worked from 11 pm to 8 am and although it took you time to adjust to a new sleep schedule, it was worth it. You were paid slightly more since you were working such an atrocious shift and you never interacted with your boss. Occasionally, he would message you that he was coming in early to talk, but he often just texted about what he wanted you to get done.

Until 1 am, you were working with Michael, a young man who was in his senior year of college. At 4 am, Marie would come in, an older Latina woman who had been working this shift for over ten years now. She’d relieve you for your break and you’d come back just in time for the morning rush.

You liked the morning rush. Although you couldn’t get much homework done at the time, it was when you had your most regulars. You would see moms buying their children lunch before school, office workers buying cheap coffee, and students buying energy drinks.

Marie would man the register, and you would come to help if needed. During rests, you would be restocking shelves or cleaning.

From 1 am to 4 am, you would usually see only a few faces. You would see students who stay up extremely late or workers having to go in much too early. Since it was a nice neighborhood, they were all pleasant people and you never worried about your own safety or well-being. 

Only one regular came in consistently during these hours. He looked to be about your age with chocolate hair that curled at the nape of his neck. He came in just after 1 am and always sported dark eye circles. He purchased anywhere from 4 to 8 cans of Mountain Dew Kickstart and occasionally a bag of chips. 

Sometimes, you’d see him in the morning again before you were off. He’d buy a cheap coffee and some fruit.

For the first month, you were too concerned with doing your job well to start any conversations besides pleasantries. He was, however, the first customer you recognized as a regular. You couldn’t help but wonder why anyone would need so many energy drinks. In particular, why in God's name did he love Mountain Dew Kickstart?

Maybe you were so intrigued because he caught your eye from day one. He was dressed in combat boots and a worn jacket. You soon learned those two items were part of his daily attire. You liked the way his hair looked or the way his downturned eyes crinkled as he smiled.

In your second month of working there, you spent way too much time trying to think of a way to start a conversation.

So far, you only got:

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“How’s your night going?”

“Good, and you?”

“Fine. Do you want a bag?”

“No, I have my backpack.”

“Okay. Your total is $12.53, go ahead and swipe, insert, or tap your card. Would you like your receipt?”

Sometimes he said yes, sometimes he said no. A few times, your hands would brush. He was always so warm, your cold hands lingering as he bashfully smiled and looked away.

“Have a good one.”

“You too.”

His hair was getting longer and you thought it suited him well. You wanted nothing more than a reason to hold a genuine conversation with him.

During your third month, that reason finally came.

He walked in, luscious locks replaced with a buzz cut and you couldn’t help but go “Oh wow.”

“Is it that bad?” He joked, rubbing the top of his head.

“No, no,” You immediately said, hands moving rapidly. “It just surprised me.” A beat of silence followed before you added, “You pull it off.” He really did, but you also took that as a sign you liked him a little too much. You felt like a schoolgirl with a crush.

“Thanks, it was for work,” He adds, voice monotone despite the little grin he sported at your compliment. He walks farther into the store, toward the opposite wall with the display of drinks.

“For work? Are you joining the army?” You question, stumbling over your words slightly as you realize that it’s finally happening—you are finally holding a conversation with him.

“No,” He laughs. “I work for this online entertainment company.” He fills his arms with five cans. “It was for a special.”

“Oh,” You reply, rolling on the balls of your feet as you try to think of ways to keep the conversation going. “Are you an actor?”

“More behind the scenes,” He replies, coming up to the counter and placing his drinks down. He grabs a bag of chips from the front display.

“That’s cool,” You say, picking up the first can as you begin scanning.

He shrugs, “I’m sure half the city does stuff online.”

“I doubt that,” You scoff. “Maybe half does entertainment, but definitely not exclusively online content.” Feeling a little bad for shutting him down, you look up at him for a moment, expecting to see disappointment or annoyance.

Instead, he’s smiling. It’s not a large smile, but it quells your anxiety.

“You’re probably right,” He answers, fishing out his card.

“I usually am,” You joke, giving him a quick look before clicking away on your screen. “Your total is $10.54.”

He lets out a short laugh that makes your insides flip with satisfaction. “I’m Spencer by the way,” He offers, putting away his card after the reader beeps.

“Y/N,” You say, tapping your name tag. “Do you want your receipt, Spencer?”

“Sure, Y/N,” He answers, putting his drinks into his backpack.

You rip it from the printer and hold it out. The way he said your name makes you shiver. He takes the receipt and bids you farewell.

You see him in the morning and you’re eighty percent sure he times it to check out with you instead of Marie. Today he opted for an iced coffee with lots of cream and a plastic container of chopped mango.

“Good morning, Spencer. How’d you sleep?”

“Good, but not long enough. What about you?”

You see a flash of realization on his face as soon as he says it, but you’re speaking before he can correct himself.

“Haven’t slept yet, but I get off in ten minutes and will be able to sleep till five today so that’s nice.”

“What’s at five?”

“Class. They’re in the evening since so many grad students work day jobs.” You tap away on the screen. “Would you like your receipt?”

“Nah, just toss it.” He picks up the drink and fruit. “See ya later, Y/N.”

“See you,” You reply, crumpling the receipt and throwing it in the small trash bin under your register before waving to the next customer.

~~

Since then, Spencer has come in every night without fail and sparked a conversation with you. You learn that the company he works for is called Smosh and you think the name is vaguely familiar. He asks you what you’re studying and why you’re always on your laptop.

The next month and a half goes by quickly. You come to expect him, anticipating his nightly visits. He has recently started staying longer, leaning over the counter and smiling at you as he talks about something that happened the other day. If another person comes in, he usually takes that as his sign to leave, wishing you well and exiting before the new customer is ready to check out.

You’re unfortunately not getting as much homework done because of this, but you don’t mind one bit. You either work during your break or just take some time before class to do more. You wonder if he’s not getting as much sleep because of this, worried you’re burdening him. Despite this, you know that you’ll selfishly never be able to turn him away. Even if it is for his own benefit.

Once, he came in before Michael had left. Your conversation was curt and he left right after you gave him the receipt. Michael stared you down the whole time and Spencer was clearly thrown off by another person being there.

“Who was that?” Your coworker asked, moving toward you from his spot behind the hot food.

“Just a regular,” You answer, trying to keep your cool. You pull out a cloth and begin wiping down the counter, wanting to occupy your hands. “He usually comes later.”

“Ah,” Michael says, nodding slowly and giving you a look. “That’s it?”

“Yeah?”

“Interesting.”

The comment piques your interest and you can’t help but ask, “How so?”

Michael smirks at you, “Why do you care?”

“Bro, shut up,” You hiss, pushing him out of your face and walking over to your stash of food. Your face felt hot as you walked past, and you attempted to hide it in the collar of your shirt. It was never fun to be caught with a crush, but you wanted to know Michael’s thoughts. So far, you and Spencer always talked in privacy, with no onlookers to comment on if your feelings seemed mutual.

“Fine, fine,” He relents, holding his hands up. “It’s just that I saw him through the window before he came in and he was smiling way too big for someone coming in the pick up energy drinks.”

“You’d be surprised. He gets those every night,” You defensively argue, “He probably has a shrine at home.”

“Oh, come on,” Michael says, rolling his eyes as you pop a chip into your mouth. “That smile dropped as soon as he saw me. I bet he wishes it was just you.”

“Don’t say that stuff.”

“Why not? Don’t you like him? You definitely lit up when you saw him.”

You gawk at your coworker, absolutely astonished at how easy it was for him to notice. This was the first time anyone witnessed the two of you interact and now you were questioning every interaction. Did he like you? Or did he just like that you gave him a confidence boost because your infatuation was so obvious?

“W-what’s your major again? Investigation?” You accuse, stuttering out of pure frustration.

“Yes, actually—”

You roll your eyes, but the sound of the door brings your back to attention. You steel your expression but are grateful the conversation ended. It was a wake-up call for you and you spent the rest of your shift trying to understand your feelings more.

Could it still be called a crush? You felt like you knew so much and yet so little about him. When did you cross the line from strangers to acquaintances? How do you go from acquaintances to friends? Did you even want to be friends?

After that, Spencer always came in after Michael left, his disposition more friendly when it was just the two of you. You didn’t know if that was a good sign or a bad sign, but it was hard to think about when only a counter separated the two of you and he was radiating warmth and cracking jokes.

~~

“Okay,” You hear Michael say and all of a sudden you are back to reality, no farther in your reading than you were 10 minutes ago.

The door to the back shuts and you look at your coworker with wide eyes.

“I finally finished with inventory.”

He looks down at his phone, prompting you to look at the time showing on your laptop.

12:56

“Sweet,” He says, tucking his phone into his back pocket. “Need anything from me before I go?” 

“No,” You answer. “Enjoy your night.”

“Thanks, I’m gonna go grab my stuff before I clock out.”

“For sure. See you tomorrow.”

“Later,” Michael says.

He opens the door to the back and you turn to your computer. The break room was through those doors as was the back entrance which almost all employees used when coming and going.

You focused on your computer, reading the most important parts of the study and taking down notes. In the back of your mind, you knew Spencer would be arriving soon. It makes you nervous, butterflies erupting in your stomach as you await his arrival.

You have been thinking lately about how to advance your relationship. Maybe get more personal with the information or invite him to hang out outside of your job. The idea makes you queasy because you worry about ruining everything by trying to get more.

You finished the reading and moved on to another class assignment. Spencer came in soon after, his lips quirked up and no jacket on. The weather was getting warmer and it was rather dry. You could absolutely walk around with only a T-shirt and jeans on despite the time.

This, however, drew your eyes to his arms immediately. They weren’t as hairy as you were expecting, his beard and how quickly his hair grew back making you think they would be. He wasn’t very muscley in any way, but your eyes shamelessly lingered on his biceps longer than you wanted.

His skin was littered with freckles and tattoos, black ink that started at his forearm and rose past his t-shirt. You could spend hours looking at them, a couple of them immediately garnering your interest.

“Hey,” You greeted, your eyes snapping up to his face. You were pretty sure he caught you, but he thankfully said nothing. Maybe he was used to his tattoos being looked at, an easy cover considering you weren’t just looking at his tattoos.

“Hey, how’s your night?” He makes his way across the store with ease, eyes staying on you.

“Fine, it’s extra slow tonight.”

“That’s nice,” He’s speaking loud enough that you can hear him from far away. “Are you getting a lot of homework done?”

“Yeah,” You replied. “Finals are coming up and I’m working on all the trivial homework now so I can study and work on the final essays in the library.”

“Is this your final year?”

“Sort of. I’ll be getting my masters after this, but I’m on an automated track for my PhD.”

There’s silence as he grabs a final can and walks up to the front. It’s almost awkward, but you aren’t sure why. It seems like he wants to ask you something, but is struggling to say it.

You start scanning his items, letting him think instead of trying to fill the space with meaningless talk.

“Are you still working here over the summer?”

“I am,” You light up, realizing why he was nervous. It sent a spark through your body to think about him missing you.

God, you wanted him so bad.

“I’m also doing some research work for a professor though,” You add. “I’m honestly too busy to have a job and it will only get worse in the upcoming year, but I need the money and this is the best option for pay and the ability to do homework.”

“Damn,” Spencer sighs. “I’m sorry about that.”

His voice is soft and sincere. It throws you off for a moment, not used to this kind of sympathy. Your social circle consists of Michael, Marie, and other students who were also going through their own shit.

“Oh, it's nothing,” You shyly reply, eyes falling to the counter and lips forming a tight line as your mind races.

“No, seriously,” Spencer insists. “It must be so difficult and yet you never seem like you’re struggling.”

With a large breath, you finally accept his compliment. “Thank you, that’s very nice of you.” You look up to see that his gaze is already on you and you hold eye contact for an absurd amount of time. You’re sure any onlookers would consider the scene intense.

The pressure of the moment builds, compressing your lungs.

“Um, anyways, your total is $9.54,” You say, breaking the silence and eye contact.

“Oh, right.”

Spencer shoves his hand into his pocket to grab his wallet and you once again admire his arms as he’s busy.

“How was work today?” You ask, wanting to dissipate the intensity of the moment.

“Long.” He answers. “This week is a filming week so I’ve been busy as hell working behind the camera and being in a few videos too. Tomorrow is Friday though and I don’t have to be in till 11 am.”

You hum in acknowledgment, “That sucks.” 

Long ago, when curiosity finally got to you, you looked up Smosh. You realized quickly that the name was familiar because it was quite popular back in OG YouTube. You spent an hour exploring their channels before growing bored and looking up videos with Spencer specifically. It was weird and you could only watch in short increments of time before needing a break. You felt like you were violating his privacy, but struggled to stop when you realized just how funny he was, his humor translating perfectly on camera. He held your attention in so many videos, quick quips making you burst out laughing.

You also note the differences in how he talks to you and how he talks to the camera. Although quiet, he cracks jokes almost every time he speaks. His coworkers seem like friends and you’re sure that helps to comfort any nerves he would have on screen. However, they were obviously trained on-camera talent whereas he simply fell into it because of how much the audience liked him. Around you, he made jokes, but he also seemed to shed the demeanor he developed for videos. Not every sentence was about entertaining.

They were real. Real discussions with real problems no matter how mundane.

“Yeah, but at least we are getting it done. Next week is all at my computer or in meetings,” He adds, tucking away his card and putting his drinks into his backpack. “Anyways, so, when is your finals week?”

“In two weeks technically, but I have a couple of major things going on next week,” You answer, taking a seat on the stool next to you.

“Like what?” Spencer inquires, a light in his eyes that sends a shiver up your spine.

“Well, I’m taking four classes. Two of them have an exam and a final essay. One has a final essay and matching presentation, and then last is a group assignment that also has a presentation and essay.”

“Oh no, not a group assignment,” Spencer interjects, empathy on the tip of his tongue.

“I know,” You agree, nerves falling away as you ease into familiar territory. “People in masters programs are not as bad but they can still be pretty clueless and unhelpful.” You shake your head in frustration, “Like this one guy in my group, he thinks he is so edgy and smart. He takes no criticism but also doesn’t put in enough work. He’s basically made me his personal target and I literally have a group chat with two other members just to rant when he says the stupidest shit.”

“Damn, sounds like an ass.”

“He is,” You groan, closing your eyes. “But we are almost done. We have the essay due next week and then presentations during the finals period.” You grin in relief, “After that, I have two weeks of break before starting my internship with the professor.”

“Are you getting paid for that?” Spencer asks.

The conversation was flowing easily, his interest in your life more evident than ever. It isn’t lost on you that he’s exhibiting every sign of attentive listening and it makes your insides twist. He’s leaning forward, fingers tapping away on the counter as he nods periodically.

“Only in experience,” You sigh. “Money would be great, but I’d rather learn from this and not get paid than not do it at all. I only have to dedicate 12 hours a week to it anyway and that’s not much considering my usual schedule is jam-packed.”

“What’s the study about?” He asks, holding your gaze more often than usual. You find it hard to reciprocate, too nervous to engage in whatever he is doing. You aren’t sure if you could call it flirting because he definitely wasn’t complimenting you, but he was acting differently enough that it was noticeable.

Before you can answer, a customer walks in, the bell ringing in your ears as you look at the brunette in front of you. You expect him to leave like every time before, but he doesn’t move. Although thrown off slightly, you recover quickly and answer his question. When the customer is ready to check out, Spencer simply steps to the side but lingers near. As soon as the man leaves, Spencer is right back where he was and asking you another question that keeps you talking.

He leaves twenty minutes later, eyes half-lidded and tired. You don’t see him that morning, likely because he doesn’t have to go into the office as early as usual. Despite logic, you still miss him.

~~

When Spencer comes in that night, he’s later than usual. Not by much, it’s not even 2 am when he walks through the door. And yet, he’s apologetic.

“Hey, sorry,” He mumbles, coming right up to the counter.

Taken aback, your hands slip from your keyboard and you stand up straight. Fridays were always the busiest weekday and although you did wonder where Spencer was, you didn’t have much time to think about it.

“I was playing a game and totally lost track of time,” He continued, a touch more out of breath than usual. He runs a hand through his short, recently bleached hair.

“No worries,” You say, not quite sure why he’s apologizing. It’s not like you had a set time to hang out or do something together. “Need to come get a drink so you can keep going?” You ask, trying to dissipate the awkward feeling that was bubbling up. You didn’t want to let yourself assume more than was reality.

“No, no, I mean,” He stumbles, “I probably will go back to playing, I just—never mind.” He looks down, staring at the counter, specifically the display of scratchers in the built-in glass case.

God, this felt so weird. You shouldn’t have said that, maybe he actually wanted to see you but then you ruined it by making it about the drinks and not you.

“So, what game were you playing?” You ask, the air feeling stuffy.

After a relieved sigh, Spencer goes into the details. You listen intently because not only is he a good storyteller, but you also genuinely care about his interests.

As he rants about some game mechanic, your mind begins to wander. More precisely, you wonder if your affection for him is obvious. Even from the short interaction you had in front of Michael, he could tell there was something more going on. To a stranger would it be obvious? To your friends would it be obvious? Would they say you two would make a cute couple? Or would they not see the chemistry?

“Oh, that’s frustrating,” You say, picking up on the pause in his monologue.

“Eh,” He shrugs, “It’s life.” He leans over the counter, shoulders more relaxed than when he first entered. “I needed a break anyway. So, how’s your night been?”

“Well,” You begin. “I felt rather lost without you.” Sarcasm is dripping off your tongue and Spencer immediately smiles. “My internal clock is all screwed up.”

“You poor thing,” He says, playing along.

“You, sir, need to take your responsibility more seriously,” You laugh, sitting back down in your chair and leaning over to grab your water. “More than half an hour late, I’m sure your body is screaming for a Mountain Dew.”

“Not just a Mountain Dew,” He protests, “A Mountain Dew Kickstart.”

You giggle, just about to add something before the bell rings and your eyes immediately shift to the front door. The patron, dressed in black jeans, a blue hoodie, and a leather jacket, comes up to you immediately. In the fifteen-foot walk between you and the door, you notice he is at least twenty years older than you, skin wrinkling and sagging with age. His clothes are worn, fraying at the seams. When he pushes forward, Spencer immediately slinks away, stepping over to look at the opposite wall of food. The stranger places his hands on the counter and you see dirt under his nails.

When he speaks, his voice is hoarse.

“Two packs of the Marlboro Red,” He commands, his eyes dragging up and down your body. Just as you turn to grab the cigarettes, you can see a smirk forming on his lips.

You sigh, taking a moment to harden your exterior before turning around to scan the packs. These kinds of customers were uncommon for the area, but still came in enough for you to pick them out of a crowd immediately. Usually, they leave easily enough.

“Anything else?” You ask, giving him a tight-lipped smile.

“Two of those beef taquitos, hun,” He says, a dirty finger pressing against the warm glass.

You feel a wave of cold at the name but move aside to grab the hot food without any fuss. The sooner he leaves the better. When you hand them over to him, he purposefully moves his hand far enough forward that it touches yours. You are vaguely aware of Spencer in the background, but force your eyes off him.

You can deal with this on your own just fine.

The stranger's eyes linger on your hand and you snatch it away, typing on the tablet to add the taquitos to his total.

“Anything else?” You echo, voice more curt than before.

“Hmm,” He hums contemplatively, putting his finger to his chin like he’s performing. “I suppose I’ll take your number too.”

You fake a laugh, looking into his eyes for only a moment before going back to your screen. “Although I’m flattered, I don’t give my number to strangers.” A few more taps to the device, “Your total is $22.37.”

“Well,” He leans forward and reads off your name from the tag. It sounds sickly coming from his lips. “My name is Mark. Give me your number and then we won’t be strangers.” He pulls out his card to pay, shoving the cigarettes into his pockets.

You give him a forced smile, resting your hand on your heart while you try to let him down gently. “Nice to meet you, Mark, but still. I am not interested.”

“Why?” He questions, “You got a boyfriend?”

You debate telling him you’re in a relationship. Maybe it will get him to leave, maybe he’ll just suggest you cheat. It’s always difficult to tell.

“Dude,” You hear a voice speak up. “You’re holding up the line.”

Mark turns around to see Spencer a few feet behind. You have to crane your neck to see him, the brunette lining up down an aisle. He’s holding some random items, clearly having wandered around the store, paying attention but trying to look like he was merely shopping.

Just before Mark can say anything, Spencer is pushing forward and shouldering past. “Just take the L and move on,” He deadpans, his voice low and foreboding. He stares down the stranger, putting his items onto the counter without even looking away. He’s half a head shorter than the guy, but his presence alone makes up for that tenfold.

“Here’s your receipt,” You quietly interject, holding it out. Half of you was thankful for the interruption, but the other half of you was annoyed. Despite that, you choose to use this opportunity to end the conversation.

With a huff, Mark snatches the receipt from your hand.

“Whatever,” He mumbles to himself, “Bitch.”

The bell dings as he exits, leaving you and Spencer in a loud silence. You let out a shaky breath.

“Oh my god,” Spencer begins. His words draw your gaze away from the door and to him. You can see the concern on his face and the disgust in his eyes. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” You have a moment to say before he’s talking again.

“What an ass. Do you not have a panic button?”

“I do,” You answer, “But that’s for robberies.”

“Or this!” He protests, gesturing at the door where the man had exited. “You need to stay safe.”

“I was staying safe,” You defend.

“I can’t believe they have you alone at this time of night,” Spencer continues, seemingly not registering your words. “Like, anyone can just come in here!”

“Spencer,” You say, trying to grab his attention.

“You should never have to deal with that kind of–”

“Spencer,” You repeat, finally getting him to shut up.

“What?”

“It’s fine, I can deal with this on my own. You didn’t need to help,” You explain, wishing the moment would simply pass so you could move on.

“Just because you can deal with it on your own doesn’t mean you have to,” He argues, his voice softer than before.

His words leave you at a loss, unsure how to respond. He breaks the silence before you can.

“How often does this happen?”

“Not often,” You say, struggling to make any eye contact. “This is a nice area and usually they just give up after a couple of tries.”

Spencer sighs, running a hand through his hair with an exasperated expression. “Sorry,” He mumbles, the word being pulled from him. “I shouldn’t have freaked out like that.” You can see the regret in his eyes. “I got so heated and I should have just made sure you were okay.”

“Oh,” You say, “Thanks.” His apology was unexpected but very appreciated. “I am fine.”

Spencer nods, the moment feeling slightly awkward as the resolution comes. “When does the next person get here?” He asks.

“Four,” You answer, taking a chance to grab your phone and check the time.

2:21

“Damn, that’s a long time.”

“It’s whatever,” You shrug. “It goes pretty quickly since I’m basically just talking to you and then doing homework.”

When the words register for him, there’s a glint in his eyes and a small smile forming on his face. “That’s good,” He replies. There’s a pause before he speaks again, “But damn, that’s like an hour and a half away.”

“Yeah,” You sigh, resting back on your stool.

“Can I stay?” He asks, surprising you. “For peace of mine, I mean. I’m just thinking about me leaving and that guy coming right back in. I don’t know, it’s dumb, but I just can’t imagine leaving you right now.”

“Sure,” You reply, interrupting his word vomit once you’ve regained your barrings.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” You shrug, a closed-lip grin forming. “I would love for you to keep me company.”

“Cool,” He says, a smile forming for him.

The moment is awkward and foreign. From an outside perspective, you probably both look like grinning idiots.

“Well,” Spencer begins, breaking the silence, “I’m definitely going to need an energy drink to stay awake.” He looks down at the pile of snacks he brought up. “You keep working, I’m gonna put these away and come back up with stuff I actually want to buy.”

“Roger that,” You reply, giving him a look before turning back to your computer. You don’t get much work done as you wait for him to come back up. You can’t see him in the aisles, but as he moves between aisles, he always looks at you. The security camera screen is just to your right and you can’t help but watch him as he puts away the random collection of items.

You’re nervous, too distracted by his presence to focus on anything. You were somewhat excited to spend such a prolonged period of time with him. However, you were also absolutely terrified that you would make a fool of yourself or simply seem too boring.

“Okay,” You hear him say, already aware that he was making his way back to the front. “All done.” He is now holding three cans of Mountain Dew Kickstart and a chocolatey protein bar. “Can I also get a couple of taquitos?”

“What kind?” You ask, reaching forward to start scanning his items.

“Your pick, I guess."

You smile at him and see he’s already grinning at you. You can’t help it, everything he does seems to make you happy beyond logic. “I’ll give you one chicken and one fiesta. The beef is fine and the cheese is not good.”

“Sounds like a plan,” He laughs, pulling out his card to pay and then opening a can and taking a big swig.

“Did that guy getting some make you crave them?” You ask, a joking glint in your eyes as you look up at him.

“Am I a misogynist if I say yes?” He replies, making you let out a laugh that was just a little too loud.

When you hand him the taquitos, he leans back onto the counter, head turned so you can see his side profile. He has the drink in one hand and the paper bag of taquitos in another. He takes a bite, a comfortable silence falling over you both. You occupy your time by looking down at your computer and mindlessly clicking around while you try to think of things to talk about. 

“How was work?” You say, deciding on that as the least risky option.

“Good,” He shrugs. “We finished a little late and traffic meant I didn’t get home till almost 7 pm.”

“Oh jeez,” You groan. “My commute is pretty easy in the morning because I go opposite the traffic.”

“I’m jealous,” He replies, smiling at you. “Do you live far from here?”

A shock of electricity shoots through your body. “Somewhat. This isn’t my local convenience store, but I’m not that far.”

Spencer nods, “This isn’t mine either.”

“What?”

He turns to look at you, eyebrows perked up like he didn’t just say something ridiculous.

“This isn’t your nearest convenience store,” You repeat slowly. When he nods, you ask, “So why do you come here?”

Spencer laughs, realizing his mistake. “The one nearest me is literally down the street, but they don’t always have these,” He answers, holding up the pineapple orange mango-flavored drink. “This store is only a few more minutes away and it always has them.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s because you buy our stock,” You joke. “I’ve literally had my boss ask about why we are selling so many more.”

“Really?” He gasps, leaning in closer. “I used to only make the walk here if the closer one was out, but four months ago I just stopped bothering.”

The fact that four months is when you started working is not lost on you. Feeling confident, you add, “What about when you get coffee? I’m sure the other one has coffee.”

“True.” He looks slightly caught off guard, eyes scanning the store before speaking, “I only come to get coffee here if I’m too lazy to make it at home and running early enough to…” He pauses for a second, the sentence closing as if it wasn’t the planned ending. Finally, he adds, “To see you.”

You hum, looking down because your face is warm and you’re at a loss for words. Luckily, he’s too nervous to look at you either. You feel tingly, knowing full well that this is a special moment that you’ll look back on if you end up dating.

“Anyways,” Spencer breaks the silence. Before he can say anything else, he yawns, mouth opening wide.

“You know you can go home, right?” You laugh. When you look down at your computer, you see it’s about half an hour later. “No one has come in and I doubt anyone will before Marie gets here.”

“No, no,” He protests. “And anyway, aren’t I making time fly?”

“I suppose,” You grin. “You are quite great company.”

Spencer flashes you a smile that makes your insides twist. You wonder if he is picking up on all this. If he can tell that you’re interested in him.

“I’m honored.”

“You should be.” You sarcastically quip. “I have high standards for the company I keep close to me.”

“Is this close?” He contemplates aloud. “I’ve never even seen you without your black polo, black pants, and nonslip shoes.”

You laugh, looking down at your clothes. “Don’t you like this fit?”

“I mean, I love it,” Spencer starts, “But I don’t know how much you’re serving day to day.”

“I serve even when I’m only going to class,” You protest. “Maybe when I’m done with finals, I’ll grace you with my out-of-work personality.”

Spencer grins, “I’d be honored.”

You’re on high alert, knowing exactly what was happening.

“You should be,” You echo, unsure of what else to say. It doesn’t matter though. You could say anything and Spencer would find you charming.

“Maybe we can go to competing stores and graffiti them,” He suggests, long since turned around so he can look at you fully.

“Pft,” You laugh. “I don’t want to get arrested with you the first time we hang out.”

“You don’t? That’s usually my go-to!”

“Well, my go-to is food. Or the arcade.”

“The arcade?” He questions. “All this time I’ve been talking about games and you’ve never mentioned that you’re also a gamer?”

“I am not!” You protest. “Definitely not compared to you. You’re a savant and I’m the fool.”

“I doubt that,” He replies, a grin never leaving his face as he leans in closer. “I say arcade so I can check out your skills.”

“Deal,” You say, leaning onto the counter so you are only a few feet away. “The arcade it is.”

[odessa-castle]

I'm bouncing around a larger post about Nishiki and the mortifying ordeal of being known, but in the meantime I'm thinking about Nishiki and Kiryu and how the clothes make (or don't make) the man. Like, beyond my visceral horror that Kiryu begged Nishiki to pick out a safe and boring suit for him in Y0 and then said he was envisioning something purple with gold stripes.

I'm thinking about Nishiki's incredible sensitivity to image and his need to control how he's perceived. I'm thinking about Kiryu's inability to let go of the past. I'm thinking about how KIryu dresses like who he thinks he is, and Nishiki dresses like who he thinks he wants to be.

There's some interesting incidental dialogue between Nishiki and Kiryu in Y0 while they're en route to the men's suit store. I wish it wasn't so easy to miss, because there's a lot to unpack here. (I'm just transcribing the English in-game subtitles here; I don't speak Japanese so I have no idea how loose vs. direct the localization is in this part.)

NISHIKI: …now that I think about it, you've been dressing like an old man since we were kids. KIRYU: Have I? NISHIKI: Yeah. The few times we got to pick our clothes, it was always like, "you're choosing THAT?" NISHIKI: I wouldn't say you're a plain guy…You'd pick shirts with weird prints though. KIRYU: Guess I forgot all that. It's weirder to me that you haven't. NISHIKI: Well, confession time. You're why I started caring about fashion. I swore I'd never go out dressed like you. KIRYU: Come on, I'm not THAT bad. [we have already discussed why kiryu is, in fact, that bad.] NISHIKI: [laughing] Aww, did I hurt your feelings? NISHIKI: Well, this time you've got me with you. I'll see my bro gets taken care of. KIRYU: Heh. What an honor. NISHIKI: Leave it to me.

Nishiki doesn't bring up Sunflower Orphanage much; when he does share memories of his childhood, those memories are kind of painful (see: "do orphans not get to dream?"). Kiryu's surprised that Nishiki remembers how they dressed as kids, but it makes sense that wearing a limited selection of hand-me-downs stuck with Nishiki so strongly. His clothes announced his poverty, and they weren't even his -- he had to share them with the other orphans, so what he wore showed he belonged to yet another stigmatized group. And I'm sure people picked up on those visual signals, especially other kids. Kids can be vicious, and appearance is an easy and immediate target! We don't know for sure how young Nishiki interacted with his peers and teachers, but given what the Morning Glory kids go through in Y3 (and given, like, everything about Nishiki), he probably didn't have a great time.

Kiryu frames his childhood as poor but loving, and places much more emphasis on the latter. There might be some rose-colored glasses at work there -- let's look at the flashback where Kazama tries (and fails) to violently dissuade Kiryu and Nishiki from joining the yakuza.

KIRYU: I owe you everything, but this isn’t about that. [...] We’ve looked up to you for all this time. Your car. Your confidence… The way everybody bows to you. We idolized you. I want that life, too. Is that so wrong!?

Nishiki doesn't really speak in this flashback, but like, Kiryu uses "we" enough for us to draw some obvious conclusions about Nishiki's own motivations. That being said, I don't think Kiryu's being dishonest or disingenuous when he describes his childhood as happy, and himself as well-loved. He's not ashamed of his upbringing, and he doesn't hide where he came from. Nishiki seems to have the inverse view. It's not that he doesn't love (at least some of) the people he grew up with, but what comes up first for him is what he didn't have. He didn't have money. He didn't have respect. He didn't have a cure for his little sister. He didn't have a lot of choice, right down to the clothes he wore.

(There's a whole other essay here about why Kiryu's and Nishiki's perspectives diverge on this, but I'm trying to limit the scope of this post. Suffice to say that, while I don't think game canon gives a timeline, I do think Nishiki was a little older when his parents were killed -- old enough that he actually remembers them, at least.)

The same mindset fuels Nishiki's interest in fashion. Yeah, part of it is that he's ribbing Kiryu, but I think it goes deeper than Kiryu wearing ugly shirts. Nishiki doesn't want people to look at him and see what's missing. Fashion isn't a means of personal expression for him, really. It's a message. It's the interplay of knowledge and resources and presentation: knowing what clothes read as successful and trendy and expensive, being able to afford those things, and convincing people that your successful important outfit makes you a successful important person. And he's not wrong about the social dimensions of fashion.

NISHIKI: Try sporting a suit that runs 500 grand for once. Trust me, you’ll see the world in a whole new light. KIRYU: Fashion’s not my thing. Besides, Kazama-san never wore flashy clothes. NISHIKI: You do realize he’s the family captain, right? Number two in the whole Dojima operation? You get to that level, you can wear whatever you damn well please. But for the rest of us, “flashy” is part of the business. KIRYU: So that fancy new car you bought was just “business”. NISHIKI: Yeah, and that fancy lighter of mine, too. Which you still haven’t given back. KIRYU: You want to play the rich guy, quit being so stingy. NISHIKI: But you get what I’m saying, right? People see the expensive car, the designer jacket, and the gleam of that little Dojima pin, they pay attention. A yakuza’s only as good as his image. [...] Take your buddy today. These squeaky-clean idiots, borrowing money just to blow on tits and booze… Nobody in this town gives a crap about substance. What you see is what you get.

That's our first take on one of the major themes of the game: what does it mean to be yakuza? Again, there is truth to what Nishiki's saying here, particularly in terms of the ethos of the eighties. I'm not an expert on the bubble era, but the worldbuilding in the game speaks for itself. People hail taxis with 10,000-yen bills. You punch money out of punks during random street battles. Nishiki keeps a personal bottle of high-end booze at a bar he's visited twice, mostly because he "can’t stand being taken for a bum." The act of spending is important, not what you're spending it on.

Nishiki's outfit in Y0 is perfectly suited (heh) to that outlook. And look, I might be inviting controversy here, but in context, I think it's a werq. Yes, it's loud. But the silhouette -- squared shoulders, single breasted, thinner peaked lapel -- is right on trend for the time period, and it fits him well. The colors look good on him. The bold pattern (no, it's not animal print) under the solid maroon is a risk, but he pulls it off. And excess aside, he knows when to pull back on the accessories. It's bright and confident and memorable, and boy would Nishiki like to be all of those things.

Also -- and importantly -- Kiryu would never go out dressed like that. Because we can't talk about Nishiki and Kiryu without talking about Nishiki's Mt. Fuji-sized inferiority complex. Mastering image doesn't just make Nishiki stand out; it makes him stand out from Kiryu. Let's go back to the beginning of the game.

NISHIKI: I’ll admit, though, you’re finally starting to look the part. You make a pretty convincing yakuza. You’re done with collections today, right? KIRYU: Yeah. NISHIKI: Good. That should put Kazama-san’s mind at ease a bit. KIRYU: Heh, dunno about that. But he always knew all I could do is fight. You’re the one who’s good at the dance.

Nishiki then calls attention to the "rags" that Kiryu's wearing, which...is not an unfair assessment. (TUCK IN YOUR SHIRT, KIRYU. HEM YOUR PANTS.) As the two of them walk around Kamurocho, Nishiki offers Kiryu plenty of hot tips, from meeting girls to making big bucks to cozying up to the brass. But even when Nishiki's opining on his area of expertise, there's a competitive edge to it. "You asking me to pick out clothes for you means you admit you have terrible taste," he tells Kiryu on the way to the suit shop. Kiryu tells him to shut up, but there's no actual hurt behind it. Kiryu doesn't really care that his taste in clothes sucks. Fashion isn't important to him. Most of the things Nishiki knows so much about don't really matter to Kiryu. And that makes Nishiki feel more insecure! Because if Kiryu rolls out of bed looking like a yakuza, if Nishiki's image counseling sessions aren't helpful or meaningful, if Kiryu can skip the dance and get to the top on the strength of his fists and convictions, then who cares about Nishiki's 500 grand suit or his hourlong hair care routine? If image isn't what makes a yakuza, what does that make Nishiki?

At the end of Chapter 6, Nishiki tries to look out for Kiryu again -- this time, by granting him a merciful death before the Dojima Family drags him to the Hole. It's one of my favorite scenes in the game. Nishiki's crying too hard to aim the gun properly; Kiryu tells him to man up and shoot. Finally, Nishiki collapses.

NISHIKI: Can’t do it… How could I shoot you!? Without you, I’ll always be nothing. Can’t make it as a yakuza… No. I wouldn’t even still be alive now if I didn’t have you beside me! I’m just… If you’re not with me, I’m useless! Nothing means anything!

Mastering image hasn't granted Nishiki anything of substance. At the end of the day, Nishiki's playing dress-up, and he knows it.

And I'm almost certainly getting into overthinking-this territory now (if I haven't gotten there already), but I kind of like the spin this puts on Nishiki ripping his expensive suit off in Chapter 14 when he decides to fight the Dojima Family at Kiryu's side. Like yes, ripping off your outer layers to get at the naked (so to speak) truth -- your irezumi, and what it represents -- is just Yakuza Storytelling 101. It's decisive, it's kind of dumb, it's great, it gets me hyped every time. But I like that Nishiki's honest answer to "what does it mean to be a yakuza?" isn't about looking the part. I am genuinely trying not to end this paragraph by saying that Nishiki must become like a dragon, but like...you get where I'm going with this.

Of course, Nishiki's back to playing dress-up in Y1/Kiwami. I'm not the first to call the Patriarch Nishikiyama look a glow-down (though I like the patterned white tie). Like, fashion-conscious Nishiki would look good in a Hedi Slimane/Tom Ford-esque skinny black suit. But he picks a silhouette you'd expect to see on a much older man, torso-swallowing pants and all. The slicked-back hair doesn't help. He's just so transparently trying to look bigger and broader and older, and he doesn't pull it off. Big Bad Patriarch isn't a good look for him, in any sense of the phrase.

A final thought: Kiryu's clothes, and Nishiki's commentary on them, are the subject of their first conversation in Y0 -- and of their last. Kiryu's costume progression in Y0 is a pretty obvious commentary on his journey, to the point where Kiryu and Nishiki explicitly call attention to the color connotations in their final exchange. As a Dojima grunt, he wears black, and it doesn't look good on him because "brutish thug who keeps his head down and does what he's told" isn't a role he's comfortable with. He wears white when he works in real estate, but the change in color isn't enough to sell anyone on his transformation into a civilian. Although it's a little rich for Oda "Red Clown Shoes" Jun to chide someone for not wearing a proper suit. At the end of the game, Kiryu's in his classic grey suit, and well, the game spells it out:

KIRYU: I’m not feeling black or white these days. This is where I’m at right now. I chose it myself. I’m making it a fresh start. NISHIKI: Fine, fine. See if I care! Wear it the rest of your life!

Nishiki, dismayed, tells Kiryu that the grey suit already looks dated, but for Kiryu, "fresh start" doesn't mean "on trend". His image might be out of step with how other yakuza view themselves, or want to be seen, but if he's always going to look like a yakuza, he might as well stake his claim on what being a yakuza means. Still, it's telling that, even as a young man, Kiryu looks like a throwback to an earlier era. As the series progresses, the games hammer this home more and more. How many antagonists tell Kiryu that he's out of touch with the modern world, that he represents a version of the yakuza that no longer exists, that it's time for him to make way for the next generation?

"Wear it the rest of your life!" is a funny little in-joke, yeah, but...it's a little sad when you think about it, isn't it? Kiryu gets new outfits from Y3 on -- and in every game, he ultimately puts the suit back on and heads to Kamurocho. It's exactly of a piece with how Kiryu views being yakuza. We, and he, can debate the exact extent of his retirement from the Tojo Clan's affairs, but the yakuza isn't a career for Kiryu, it's a set of beliefs he carries with him. He wears the suit the same way he wears the dragon on his back: as an indelible part of his self-image.

[thebluestbluewords]

Auradon Campus Gossip:

Audrey and Chad are very funny, but ADULTS??

I will be taking these teacher names and running, thank you very much. They’re my OCs now and I will not be stopped.

Horace the Librarian

The cool librarian. Probably the one who started Doug’s enduring idea that bow ties look cool and suave. His color scheme is blue and red, just so he stands out from the students a bit.

Auradon Prep definitely has two libraries, the regular working library, and the research library. Horace works in the research library, helping the older students with their junior and senior projects.

Horace is the best librarian to talk to if you’re struggling with college essays. He’s able to tease a personal statement out of even the most shy students, and he’ll make you feel good about yourself as he’s doing it. He genuinely believes that every single person has a story worth telling, so long as you can frame it the right way. After all, he’s just the son of a bookseller from a quiet village, and look at where he is now.

Judy the Guidance Counselor

Judy genuinely loves her job. She’s here for the guidance, but also for the gossip. She loves working with troublemaker students, because they’re the most fun to work with and she gets to actually help them out.

She tries very hard to be hip with the kids. Judy uses all the slang she’s heard from students, and is totally tubular and hip to the jive of the youth trends. She’s on-trend and bussin.

She wears exclusively pantsuits, because again, she’s young and cool and wears pants instead of skirts. She thinks this will keep her cool in the eyes of the students. Her favorite one is a brown courdroy suit with a matching floral scarf, very vintage Auroria-style.

Abigail the Biology Teacher

She specialized in marine biology in college! Her main research is actually on invasive fish populations in the reefs around Atlantica. She would love to get her hands on the reefs within the Isle of the Lost barrier, but she’s not sure how to balance such an important research topic with her teaching career.

She’s very invested in independent learning. Every year she has her freshmen do a research project on a native species that has personal significance to them, and she keeps a tracking sheet of what all her students choose each year.

An astrology gal to her core, Abigail will detail class to talk about her horoscope if you can time it right. The sophomore bio II class takes the most advantage of this. They’ve made a class theme song for Astrology Moments with Abigail.

Margaret the Philosophy Teacher

Margaret started her career as a castle chaplain, and only switched to teaching after her nieces started asking her more and more philosophical questions. Yes, she is the sort of teacher who will engage in a scholarly debate with a five year old. Her high school students are nothing compared to her sister’s toddlers.

Philosophy isn’t exactly a popular elective at Auradon Prep, so Margaret has a lot of time between classes where she engages in personal research. She’s currently writing a book about the afterlife, and she’s written several well-reviewed scholarly papers about the philosophical implications of children’s internal narratives.

She also acts as a dorm monitor for the junior and senior girl’s dorms. She hosts the best late-night study events, and most of her students genuinely like her as a dorm monitor, even though part of her job is patrolling the halls during lights-out and breaking up their illegal room parties.

[liam-an-siorc]

My essay on my Fanny button might be autistic

Note: I have been thinking about this so much and now want to share it because I 1) seen others say the same thing 2) seen that the bbc ghosts fans won’t get mad over headcanons about autism and have a lot of them so that’s cool I will say now

Why Fanny button might be autistic 

In this essay I will tell you why I think Fanny button from ghosts is autistic and I think she’s a high masking autistic. It won't be a great essay but hopefully will get my point across. I researched high masking in women for this because that’s a specific thing and I really think it’s her I think it really explains a lot of her because Fanny can sometimes be misunderstood by other characters In the show and people who watch the show and there is a reason for this, fanny puts up such a character sort of like she acts so intense all the time and then it’s hard for people to really see past this but what I think happened to make her like this was that when she married George she started masking a lot more because we see in the Christmas special “he came” she was very different before she is very talented at math autistic people can be very talented in something and love it a lot a special interest perhaps* but she was told she can’t do this it’s for men now when I’m thinking about this I’m thinking a lot of this was impacted by the time she was in and being a woman in this time which is why I researched autism in women specifically masking is alot more common in AFAB people because of society alot so it can still apply here it’s just worth noteing the context and differences in society speaking of the time she was in an how society was then okay a common thing alot of autistic people say or feel is “its like everyone was given a book on how to be human at birth and mine was lost” that didn't attuly happen but that's just what if feels like and this is mainly referring to socialy but fanny did attuly get this book there where rules told to everyone then about how to act how to communicate and act around people how your ment to seem etc so when she married George and he did not love her she thought “I need to follow there rules better if I follow them completely he will love me” and she did she learnt these rules and followed them masking. What makes alot of people who may think Fanny is autistic think this is how hard she finds it to accept change now I have looked at the criteria for getting an autism diagnosis and she dose fit it the only thing is that traits had to have been there since you where a child and we can't know that because we never see her as a child for the sake of this we will assume she did so this here is the first part which is social.

A. Need to have persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple contexts, as manifested by the following, currently or by history

Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity, ranging, for example, from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back-and-forth conversation; to reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect; to failure to initiate or respond to social interactions

Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction, ranging, for example, from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication; to abnormalities in eye contact and body language or deficits in understanding and use of gestures; to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication.

Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships, ranging, for example, from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in sharing imaginative play or in making friends; to absence of interest in peers.

So to fit the first part of the autism criteria you need to have or have had persistent struggles I'm each of those areas as it says above so I will go through them now 

On this one I want to go back to thing thing about “it feels like everyone was giving a book at birth on how to be human and mine got lost” referring to social interactions but Fanny did literally have this book there where rules for social interactions and if you followed them then your doing good which is why I think she used these rules to mask but even if someone who is autistic is following all these rules sometimes and I dont actually know how i just heard that people who aren't autistic can still just tell that there is something different there is no way we can see this unfortunately because we only have bits of her life but we know she did have friends who she would mainly talk gossip with but moving on to her death which we have of course much more to go off she dose say very out of pocket things one example which I think alot of people think she was purposely trying to insult Alison but I think she was not really trying to do that she was saying amd making a point of how Alison seemed and that she was not lady like and following the rules whatever but i don't think Fanny saw an attualy problem with what she was saying and this is the “when you first arrived here I though you where a prostitute” she doesn’t really see how this could upset or offende someone she just speaking her mind with no filter she dose not have a filter even when following the rules she was given she still says things which she didn't realise she could not or would not be appropriate so I still think yes to this she dose communication in a strange way with the other characters she can be quite blunt and rude not knowing she is being because it fits within her rules that she knows. Another thing worth noting here is that fanny is closest with the captain who is also quite obviously autistic I think*2 and neurodivergent*3 people tend to become friends with eachother like that.

The main thing I can think of for this is In fanny's body language she always has the same pose same face on she dose notice others body language because she does give out to Alison from doing things not like a lady but again that is most likely learnt she learnt this is how a lady is meant to have her body language and she learnt exactly what to do and look out for when they did the panto for Alison she could not do a different character for fairy God mother and evil step mother the tone the body language was exactly the same despite them being obviously very different characters.

Fanny shows little interest in forming friendships with her fellow ghost, Martha Howe Douglas even says on the podcast that she doesn't like any of them I don't think this Is fully true but it is worth noting also note that many things said on that podcast where also not fully correct I think so it is to be taken with a grain of salt, Fanny definition of friends is “peers and intellectual equals” but a better definition is “a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection” so she dose not understand friendships fully, I also think she tends to misinterpret others relationships for example when you read the book you can see how obvious George's affair with the butler and gardner was she also panicked a lot when she was briefly attracted to Mike she made it alot more dramatic than it really was it took her a while to catch on to the fact that she was being just as bad as Betty in the final and she did not notice the captain being gay either most of the ghosts noticed this. She again dose not fully know when she's being rude I don't think she doesn’t know what is and isn't appropriate to say to Alison and the other ghosts, she also viewed Alison as her own daughter which I did notice that but some people did not it was not the most clear on account of how rude she was to Alison so alot of people did not notice she dose not know why this matters and maybe thinks she's being A lot more obvious as a mother then she really is. Said before but diffrent context when they where doing the panto she could not do a difference between he fairy God mother and evil step mother very different character.

As well as that you also need to have three of the four traits I will put next 

B. Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities, as manifested by at least two of the following, currently or by history 

Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypes, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).

Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat same food every day).

Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).

Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g. apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).

I will now go through if and when I think she shows these behaviors

So a lot of the ghosts do things like this more obvious ones would be the Captain, Mary and Robin I am being honest I don't notice these as much in Fanny but let's go through it, one of the main things people notice is in the captain and all the noises he makes mary pat and fanny do this also (+Robin echolalia) Mary more than Pat but Fanny does this also!! Listen to her there's a video somewhere on YouTube titled the sound of fanny or something she does the same sort of stimming noises that they do another thing this is a bit of overthinking perhaps but the way fanny stand her posture the way she holds herself if you look at it she does almost the same one all the time and it's like she holds her own hands and has then on front of her and she sort of moves around the hands now if you copy this posture and you hold your hands tight and you sort of move around the hands it's like hers so I think she's holding her hands tight she's trying to keep still but still moving around that suppressing stims??? Maybe I think so she also if you look close at her hands her thumb moves every so often and sort of very small strokes her hands this could be the stim that got out of her trying to suppress it if you look at her and if you look at the captain in that scene where havers gives him the letter about France surrendering and he runs to the window he is quite obviously If you watch it then you watch him as a ghost, suppressing stims the feel of that scene is very similar to the feel of fanny's scenes. Also when she was combing robins hair could also be a stim thing feeling textures can be a stim.

 This is why people usually if they do think Fanny is autistic think it, she can not handle change like at all it can not affect her ons bit and she can't deal with it she get really stressed and really annoyed about it she can not handle it, she does come around to change eventually for example the land being sold she gets very upset about it then she goes off she calms down she talks about it to Thomas and then she is okay she has a big reaction is very upset by it and then she regulates and eventually accepts it. I also think her insisting Alison follows all her rules to be a lady could be part of this. It is common in autism to care a lot about rules and get stressed if they are not followed but not everyone is like this. I definitely think that's part of this as well as other things. When mary got sucked off she panicked alot she first did not process it which delayed processing can also be a thing with autism I do think she shows this sometimes for example when Alison got pushed it took her a bit and then she got mad but that was also her thinking alot and being lost in thought, she doesn't really process it until Mary's moving on starts bringing up change in her life and now she realize something is missing this is going to be different and her friend is gone she has no idea what to do with herself after realizing this she just panics.

Fanny most definitely has fixations I think one of them was murder she wrote which she was very fixated on for a while so much that she brang it into her own life (death) if it weren't for that they would not have known about Lucy I do this also I try bring whatever I'm currently fixated on into every aspect of my life every project I do I learn new things because of it it really makes its way into your life, I also with Dante Dante the stuffed dog I'm not sure is that an object because it was a dog but now is it still a dog or an object dog or and object/dog? But yes, saying you love a stuffed dog more than anything In the world I think is an unusually strong attachment to a thing. Another note is that she is very good with animals. She had a lot and I think I heard that that is common with autistic people but I'm not sure.

Now this one is a bit harder because she is dead but I said before but combing robins hair sensory seeking feeling textures she very much did not like it when she had to go I'm the basement because she did not like the plague ghosts or the environment for sensory reasons could be both this one is more hard because they don't feel everything In death so I do not know.

So Fanny Button dose fit the autism criteria the best I can try prove that I am not a doctor I just really love ghosts and i think this explains a lot about her character 

In conclusion I believe fanny button is autistic I believe she fits the criteria for autism and I think she is specifically a high masking autistic I think without that detail it doesn't make sense but I love this theory because it makes her make sense and it helps you to think about her character better.

Goodbye 

Notes 2

*the maths thing was never mentioned after that though but you can have multiple special interests so I could be that and something else like maybe all her ladylike rules or her pets gossip don't know

*2 I also think mary is autistic specifically they all have traits lots of them and I'd say I could do this for most of them but it is worth noting, noting that's all we can completely ignore it after this but in TV shows the characters they are people but they are different then people so it's much easier to see autistic traits and traits of anything like for example personality disorders that maybe if they were a real person it would not be the same but that's it I love all the theory's regarding this and they all fit and make sense 

*3 yeah they are all neurodivergent probably also I think Fanny and the captain are very similar and show a lot of there autistic traits in the same way or similar 

hopefully all this information is correct thank you for reading if you have anything to add I would love to hear it

[ironyscleverer]

Can I do a little rant about Nate Shelley for a sec? Im gonna rant about Nate Shelley for a sec. Just becuase for a show about masculinity and healthy relationships and self-love, I HATED how they handled his character arc so fucking much.

Nate starts off in season 1 as this meek, nerdy, short, chubby Asian man who's routinely bullied by the guys (players) that he works for. He's very specifically disrespected becuase he's not conventionally masculine. It's important to note that Asian guys especially are emasculated a lot in society, doubly so if you're shy and/or brainy like Nate is.

But then once he starts getting a little respect and attention from Ted, we first get to see his confidence grow, but then we also start to see a nastier side of him emerge. He uses his new position of power to feed his insecurities and he becomes vindictive, cruel and resentful. He takes it out on his players, his former bullies, but even then he chooses the weakest person to pick on (ie Colin, who's a closeted queer man as we discover later).

And I actually think this part of the arc is really well done and interesting; it feels very real and throughout season 2, even though he's absolutely horrible, I can still see how it's stemming from a place of pain and bitterness. Being part of a system that abuses and disrespects you, especially when race is a factor, can really turn people sour and warp their perception of reality. Frankly, I think I would have a lot less sympathy for Nate's character if he was just another resentful white man, but his being brown really adds a lot of layers to the character.

And it's important to note that even once he becomes a coach Nate still suffers becuase of how he presents himself! The people at Richmond do occasionally make jabs at him (Jan Maas and the suit), and you can't tell me the situation at the Greek restaurant wasn't some kind of racist power trip. Even though he has more systemic power now, he still doesn't get respect becuase of how he exists in the world.

In that context, his choice to go work for Rupert at the end of season 2 makes complete sense. Richmond was a toxic environment for him given his past experiences there, and he was not going to get the mentorship or understand that he needed. I hoped that his season 3 redemption arc would involve him untangling his victim complex, learning to trust and stand up for himself, and looking out for people who are weaker than him (so basically this fic lmao). Basically, I wanted him to step up to the challenge of being a head coach and really confront his insecurities and their roots. Maybe he could've talked to another coach of color or something. I don't know.

But ultimately, the direction they went in with Nate in season 3 was frustrating to me because he ends up right back where he started at the beginning of the show; at Richmond, working as a kit man for a bunch of white people. Sure, he's forgiven by Ted and he learns his lesson about power, but none of the actual, very understandable hurts on his end are really addressed. He's right back to the same environment he was in before, albeit a bit less toxic. He isn't allowed to grow or distance himself from that chapter of his life. (the writers also decided to just give him a girlfriend and make that fix everythin which I don't appreciate, but that's another essay entirely).

If I had it my way, I would have had him do the whole scene with coach Beard, reconcile with Ted, but respecfully tell them that he can't go back to Richmond. There's too much history there, and even if they've forgiven each other, it would be a bad environment for him. Then Nate and Ted/Beard/others can have a new relationship as equals, built on respect, rather than a boss/employee dynamic. But maybe that's just me being delusional.

Anyway, in conclusion, Nate deserved a better ending and I'm disappointed that they didn't give it to him. Thank you for reading this completely unedited rant, I may do another in the future about Ted Lasso's queer rep or its female characters. Lmk if you want to hear it.

[zonaenthusiast]

Which kpop group do I think suit every mugiwara the best? And would they be a boy group or a girl group stan?

This is because yesterday I had a specific revelation and I started thinking about it in general, so here are my ideas:

Luffy as Seventeen

Luffy has been one of the ones I've had to think about the most but then it occurred to me that he would really like Seventeen. They have a very fresh and fun concept in general that really suits Luffy and they are one of the very few groups that, despite being together for almost ten years, have never lost members. And that's even stranger considering there are so many of them. They love each other as much as the mugiwara love each other and Luffy would adore them (get it?) for that.

Bg or gg stan? Both.

Zoro as The Boyz

For Zoro I have come up with several groups that could fit very well with him like Ateez or Stray Kids, but I have ended up opting for The Boyz because there is a very specific homoerotic component in their music that very few groups are able to replicate. The bisexual energy they give off reminds me too much of Zoro not to choose them.

Bg or gg stan? Both, but their concept has to be dark.

Nami as (G)I-DLE

This is the revelation I had after listening to Gidle's new song, Nami would fucking love them. Just pure female representation and empowerment. Gidle's last three comebacks (Tomboy/Nxde/Queencard) are three different representations of how a woman can express her femininity and all are valid (Nami in particular is so Queencard coded and Robin would be more Nxde coded, I think).

Bg or gg stan? I think she would like some bgs but she would be mostly a gg stan.

Usopp as EXO

NOW HEAR ME OUT because I know this one sounds weird, but I think Usopp would love Exo's storytelling. The clone lore? He would eat that shit up. Besides, I don't know why but I think Usopp wouldn't listen to just anything and Exo is one of the most talented groups there is, so...

I think Usopp would like groups that focus on storytelling or have very defined concepts, Vixx would be another option that I think fits him very well.

Bg or gg stan? Both.

Sanji as Girl's Generation

This one was also very clear to me. Sanji would listen to ggs exclusively and I feel that only the most iconic gg would be the right choice for him. He would be so Yoona biased. And he is one of those who would know her choreographies to perfection.

Bg or gg stan? As I said, gg stan exclusively.

Chopper as GFRIEND

My main pick for Chopper is Gfriend because the powerful innocence concept they are known for reminds me a lot of him. I think StayC or fromis_9 concepts also fit him very well.

Bg or gg stan? Both.

Robin as Red Velvet

I don't know how to explain this but if you know about Red Velvet concepts you know I'm right. There's something so unique and peculiar about their music that matches every part of Robin's taste and personality. Red Velvet are the epitome of one of my favorite kpop concepts, which I call cute but murderous. Just watch their Russian Roulette mv and you will understand.

Robin would write a fucking essay on why everyone is wrong and Zimzalabim is actually the best kpop song ever.

Bg or gg stan? Both, as long as their music is the strangest succession of sounds you've ever heard in your life.

Franky as Monsta X

Just himbos, I don't have anything else to say.

Bg or gg stan? I think he would tend to listen to bgs a little bit more, but both regardless.

Brook as Dreamcatcher

Oh, I just know Brook would love Dreamcatcher. Women? Check. Rock style? Check. Horror concept? Check. They are perfect for him, it makes so much sense.

Bg or gg stan? Not as exclusively as Sanji because music is music, but gg stan.

Jinbe as MAMAMOO

Jinbe would love every Mamamoo member's unhinged personality as much as he loves Luffy's. He would have so much fun with them and their concepts and their music, it's a strong feeling I have.

Bg or gg stan? Both.

[positivelyadhd]

hello!! I have returned with another random thought about ADHD/neurodiversity that I feel like I've known for ages but never really had the words for it so! this is partially an infodump because I can't shut up but also if you don't mind reading my long ramble on the relationship between ND people and online spaces I would love to know your opinion because I haven't seen many people talking this?

I have written a long rambly thought dump that I'll put under the cut if you want to know the details but the TLDR is: I think something about the internet is just a lot more suited to ND people and gives us more of a place to unmask than the real world does? in my experience, the more online I was the more unmasked and happy in myself I was but when I started masking to fit in in the real world I kind of,, lost that?

I've always felt there's a very strong link between neurodivergent people and social media and well tend to gravitate towards each other (which I adore and would love to write an essay about one day when I can function better! I wanted to study it for my dissertation at uni but there wasn't really enough to go on sadly </3)

but I've also been thinking about masking and I just realised,,, in my own life at least, I feel like online I naturally unmask? and I don't know if that's because I'm around neurodivergent people online more often and them unmasking makes me feel safe to unmask or if it has more to do with the way social interactions are inherently different online (I always feel there's less room to overthink/it's less draining. I only have to think about my words rather than body language/expression/volume/how the other person is responding ect ect)?

I have been chronically online since I was about 12 and that has shaped me as a person very much (and saved me too <33) but I always felt more able to unmask online and was also more likely to actually be rewarded for it? by meeting other neurodivergent people that would talk about The Thing We Love!!

I met my best friends online and they all happen to be neurodivergent (although we didn't know at the time!) and I know this is a very common experience for neurodivergent people! and it's partly why I think the internet is so wonderful!

when I was younger I had a fanpage on Instagram that got more followers than it should've given how young I was and I'd become a part of a community I was so happy and safe in which kind of,, made up for the fact I didn't have that at all in school?

I have been having the usual quarter life crisis recently and a lot of that is because in those few years I had no friends but an online space I loved I was so sure of myself and my identity I think because I had a space I could unmask freely? I also wasn't very good at masking at school so I struggled to fit in but I was happier knowing I could be myself then trying to force myself to be something I wasn't?

eventually I did make friends irl who I adore but around that time is when I started to lose who I was, I hadn't realised until just now that the time I started fitting in with other people was the same time I stopped doing the things I loved and ended up so burned out most everyday tasks are overwhelming?

also like I see a lot of people say, getting my diagnosis taught me to start understanding how to accept myself and it changed my life for the better! my school didn't do anything to support me but I learnt a lot about myself and started to understand that I am,, different to neurotypical people and that's okay!! however,, back then the neurodoversity movement was nowhere near as great and listened to as it is now so I feel like I almost,, gave up? felt like I'd been told by the external world so many times that I had to mask that I learnt how to?

i think unconsciously I started masking instead of trying to grow towards self acceptance like I was before. but with the way the wider world is talking about neurodiversity now I feel like the whole concept of unmasking is more acceptable now? also I am an adult that can make my own decisions not a 13 year old that has teachers and other 13 year olds so I don't have to deal with people not accepting me the way I did when I was younger?

idk if that makes any sense but I have many thoughts about masking ! thank you for reading <3

[infamous-if]

I don't know why but I love this ask so much so what outfits do the LIs typically wear? im ready to faint over how G and Victoria dresses up

Sooo I made collages and basically like an essay i went a bit overboard (oops)

So I thought hard about what the ROs look like and my biggest thing was that I wanted to make sure the gender selectable ROs still have their own unique presence and they're not some interchangeable variable. Gina and Griffin dress pretty differently and have a different identity, especially when you consider what it means to be a woman in the music industry (some context changes in the story if you choose Gina instead of Griffin, some of her actions are out of her feeling like she has just as much right to take space in a male-dominated art form, especially given that she is also married to Victoria, a woman)

Griffin does not have this problem since he's 1) a man and 2) he and Victoria present heterosexual

GRIFFIN/GINA

(Griffin on the left/Gina on the right, both in the middle)

G either dresses like the textbook definition of a 'rockstar' with the leather and fishnets and ripped jeans and all orrrr like a 18th century era gothic victorian butler. Literally no in-between.

For both Gina and Griffin, having so many tattoos becomes part of their image. Griffin wears a lot of muscle tees while Gina wears a lot of sleeveless tops, halter tops, corsets, anything that really enhances their arm sleeve.

The middle is the Victorian Butler style I mentioned lol, since they both dress like that as their "formal" attire or for shows. A lot of ruffles, very 18th century gothic. One thing is that I feel like Gina wears more red, she wears more tight fitting clothes, lower cut clothes. Griffin's shirts are also pretty revealing, very much low-cut V's, muscle tees that show the side of his whole chest. G isn't shy about the human body and they've gotten shirtless on stage many times (both male and female/ think Victoria from Måneskin.)

That slowed down a bit since Misfit Alley went mainstream. Their label and team had them tone down a bit to be more digestable to the masses.

Their hair is long for both female and male. Griffin keeps his in a loose knot/bun at his neck, and Gina does the same, but also a single braid down her back (sometimes).

Some things that they wear often: a lot of rings, G has knuckle tattoos and they wear a lot of jewelry. They have a signature leather jacket that's pretty roughed up, wear a nose ring, and pretty scruffed up boots.

SEVEN

Female Seven and Male Seven dress pretty similarly. Seven dresses more grunge and Kurt Cobain was the direct inspiration for Seven's style. Female Seven also dresses a bit like an art teacher lol

A lot of oversized clothes, slouchy, worn bigger, muted colors, a lot of layers. Female! Seven wears a lot of long skirts, cardigans, funky patterns, big boots. They dress pretty much the same both on and off stage.

At first male!seven was going to have short cropped hair but it doesn't suit him. His hair is more like:

very messy and such yeah. female! Seven keeps her hair down, kinda messy and looks uncombed (seven is very clean i promise lmao)

Things they wear often: Seven sometimes fingerless gloves, part of it because they can cover the tattoo of MC's initials, but sometimes they forgo it completely. Sometimes it's a whole arm sleeve. Surprisingly, Seven doesn't have a LOT of tattoos, it's more dainty, tiny meaningful tattoos scattered around their body.

AUGUST

August is like Seven in that they wear big, slouchy clothes but where they differ is that August is more academic and put together. They also like to wear the art teacher skirts. Scoopneck sweaters, cargo pants, and they prefer long-sleeve and long bottoms, usually they don't have much skin showing.

Things they are always seen wearing: headphones around the neck, they dont go anywhere without them.

ORION

Orion is pretty self-explanatory. He wears mostly slacks, sleek boots and a vest. Very professional dressing. If he is going to wear something casual, it'll be something like the right. Still fancy pants, but a clean black shirt. You won't really see him in anything less than 'business casual.'

Things always seen wearing: a watch lol

SEBASTIAN

I don't know how else to describe Seb's style as anything other than just basic. A T-shirt and jeans and he's good to go. Even the images I chose are a bit too stylish for him. Like, he's really just a basic guy. He doesn't think too hard on his outer appearance. Literally just...a Guy.

Even funnier when he's surrounded by people wearing fishnet tights and chains and a bunch of patterns and accessories like he stands out, oddly enough lol

The image in the middle isn't exactly how he looks in my head, but pretty close. Just a very unassuming but kind looking person. Also his hair is like that, just golden blond.

VICTORIA

Victoria has a very classically simple style. Sleek lines, tight dresses. It's not too out there, unlike G. Very simple. She dresses a bit like the second picture for G's shows, a bit edgier and leaning a little into the flamboyance. She tends to set trends and is looked at in Hollywood as someone pretty stylish. Victoria's body type is on the curvy side, more the farthest right than the other three, a bit bustier. She's a simple but effective dresser.

She loves heels, loves a square neck (farthest right). she loves a good form-fitting dress lol

--

IK its a lot but i would be doing this whole story a disservice if i made them boring dressers! so im not sorry !

[uriekukistan]

Something I've been thinking about in the past couple of months is what current fans of JJK will think of the series in the future: 1, 5, 10+ years down the line after it ends. I don't think it's a secret or anything that fans are really divided and have during opinions about where the series is going and how it might end, but I'm curious about what it's legacy will be. Do you have any thoughts about that? (Also hi I hope you're having a good day!)

oooh interesting ask, thank you winnie :D hope you're having a good day too !!

hhhhh im not sure im smart enough to conceptualize this kind of thing fairly, but im gonna do my best 🤞 sorry in advance for the essay omg

one thing i wanna touch on really quickly is that i feel like the lifespans of fandoms are decreasing. im not sure if this is a fair assessment, but it seems like people move on quicker that they used to and migrate to new fandoms quickly as series end. i think it has to do with the increase in the amount and accessibility of new media, plus the trend of "consuming," rather than enjoying. part of a growing problem of rapid consumption and accelerating trend cycles.

that being said, jjk is still ongoing for who knows how long (allegedly finishing this year), and has to be animated after that. so depending on how they break the series up, and how hard mappa decides to push their workers, could be up to 5 more years of releasing content, which means retention of old fans and acquisition of new fans. i also think it will be impacted by the ending of the story.

the other two fandoms i participate in are 10+ years old (death note is 20+ at this point...) so im gonna use them as reference points

i was like...1-5 years old when death note was actively releasing, so im not sure how ppl were reacting at the time. but death note has become a "classic" anime/manga that new fans are constantly discovering and appreciating, keeping the fandom going. a lot of people still love death note, and from what i've seen, it's generally less divisive. people like death note, generally. everything has flaws and can/will be criticized, but as far as anime/manga goes, people are generally able to come to a consensus that death note is good. it has interesting characters and interesting themes and comes to a satisfying conclusion- that no man can be god. because of that, it still has a large and active fanbase that has enjoyed much longevity.

in contrast, tokyo ghoul is very divisive, and its aggravated by the fact that the anime completely diverges from the manga, and creates its own story, so the reviews are always mixed. it's wonderfully tragic or it's edgy. it's beautiful or it's boring. it has great themes or it's incoherent. it doesnt help that the mangaka was seriously burnt out towards the end of creating it. despite the fact that tokyo ghoul was one of the most popular anime/manga at one point, its fandom, while very much alive, is also pretty small. im either oomfs or oomfs-in-law w pretty much everyone here. i think the amount of criticism tokyo ghoul got (which dont get me wrong, some parts are very much worthy of it, but that's not what people were saying) affected the longevity of the fandom.

that brings me back to jjk. i think there's two camps of people in the fandom right now: those who are only interested in a "happy ending" and those who are interested in whatever ending may come, so long as it suits the themes and the character arcs feel completed. so i think the way jjk ends will be the deciding factor of its legacy and the direction the fandom takes.

personally, i'll be happiest with the second option, i mean im a tragedy fan if nothing else, and i love the thematic aspects of jjk. but i know most people will be looking out for a happy ending, at least based on what i see people saying. the fact that so many people are back to saying jjk is good after last night's leaks is proof of that to me. i think if the manga ends happily, whether it suits the story or not, people will be more likely to stick around than if it ends in a way that is less happy, but suits the story perfectly. if that makes sense.

[dicenote]

12, 13, 14, 15, 21 & 22 for the character ask for Matsuda. :)

Yayyyy thank you for the ask!! :D

Get ready because I feel like I'm gonna write an essay and a half about The Guy

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

Oh geez, I feel like I have so many. How can I pick one?

A random one is that Matsu is the kind of guy to like lying on his bedroom floor. Like, if he had a rough day? Floor Time. He's contemplated so many things while staring at his ceiling. It really helps him feel grounded; when his brain is screaming at him to Do Something, it can help to just lay down and think through stuff.

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

@lawlietscaramels sometimes uses 🦆 for Matsuda, so that emoji now reminds me of him. I keep forgetting to ask lei why they chose a duck, but it feels weirdly fitting haha. Matsuda's just a duck kind of guy, I suppose.

Matsuda seems like he'd use emoticons as punctuation. Stuff like :D and :'( help get his point across in messages when his tone might be read incorrectly (especially when he's messaging someone who can't read sarcasm in an email, Ide). If he's feeling a little extra (and/or texting Misa) he'll use over-the-top emoticons like ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆ because he finds them fun and silly! Also, I think he'd do 😔 a lot, both irl and over the internet.

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

I don't know the right word for it, but you know the aesthetic of, like, a bowling alley carpet? That's how his vibes are too me. Like, he's casual and fun, and I associate him with dark tones offset by bright neons.

As far as how he'd actually dress (outside of what we see in canon, where he's wearing a suit 99% of the time), I feel like it'd be kinda close to goblincore? This is kinda based on me googling and poking around sites, so I might be off with this 😅 I do think he'd love a chunky earth-tone sweater and corduroys, though. Something cozy and casual, you know?

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

hnnnngh why do you have to do this to me /lh I'm gonna talk about a few of them because I can't help myself they're all so good.

I love so many for different reasons! I think my favorite right now is probably MatsuIde, because I really enjoy their dynamic and banter. Also there's so much hurt/comfort potential with these two post-Kira. I feel like, after everything's happened, they have this connection to each other because they feel like no one else can really understand what those 5 years were like. This is true for the entire Task Force (and I like AizaMatsu for similar reasons), but with MatsuIde it just hits different, you know? Maybe it's because they spend so much time together onscreen (on panel?).

LawTsuda is probably my favorite ship for the first half of the manga/anime. Emotional intelligence vs. Logical intelligence is a ship dynamic that I fall for every single time, and Matsu and L have those respective traits in spades.

I also am a Canon One-Sided MatsuLight truther, lmao. Matsuda having a crush on Light feels so right but so wrong, and it really helps put parts of the second half into context. Like, Matsuda shooting Light hits so much harder that way, idk. Imagining a world where this ship is healthy is difficult but I find their dynamic so so interesting. Matsuda you deserve so much better but I can't help myself sorry.

TL;DR- MatsuIde is probably my fav overall, LawTsuda is my fav for the first half, MatsuLight is the crunchiest.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

My answer to both questions has to do with writing his impulsivity. His priorities differ a lot from other characters, and that changes what details he pays attention to and how he reacts to information. It also means that he's going to act irrationally in the name of Doing Something. Which is fun to play with! In chapters 9 and 10 of Weekend At Ryuzaki's, for example, I was trying to give off the idea that Matsuda is being quickly backed into a corner, which causes him to make a lot more mistakes and hasty decisions.

But on the other hand, writing an unpredictable character acting unpredictably while also making it satisfying and interesting to read is really hard. Like, I don't want him to seem like he's randomly bullshitting his way to answers that move the plot along. He has reasons for doing things in the heat of the moment, even if his reasons aren't exactly logical.

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

I like to read just about anything with the "Matsuda Touta is Not an Idiot" tag, lol. Because he's not, really. Sure, he acts without thinking sometimes, and his thought process is very different from L's and Light's, but he's not an idiot. I like fics where he solves or helps solve the Kira murders, but his line of logic is different than the one used by L/Near in canon.

It's really hard to think of things in fic I don't like, to be honest! I guess one would be the Matsuda/Sayu pairing. I just find it kinda icky given that one scene in canon with them together. If they are both older, and it's a small part of an otherwise compelling fic, I can usually forgive it, though.

[sodapressy]

( NICHOLAS GALITZINE, CISMALE, HE/HIM ) SODA PRESTON the TWENTY NINE year old is said to remind people of EX COLLEGE QUARTERBACK, BLACK COFFEE WITH A SECRET STASH OF SUGAR PACKETS IN HIS CAR they are known to be CHIVALROUS and UNRELIABLE which makes sense when you think about how they are a dirty cop now.

Hi hello! My name is T and in this essay I will be introducing you to my home boi Soda. There will be some triggering topics below so please proceed with caution!

Full name: Soda Thomas Preston   Nickname: Sody Pop, Pop, Preston Age: 29 City of birth: Manhattan NY The current place for living: New York City Birthday: February 14th Likes? Snowboarding, karaoke, sleeping Dislikes? charging his phone, people touching his food, wet socks

BACKGROUND (TW: Murder, homophobia)

Soda was born the youngest of three brothers. His brothers and himself were all named after characters from the Outsiders, although not all from the same family within the story and he isn't sure his parents are aware of that.

Being a cop was never apart of his plan. His oldest brother Dallas became a successful lawyer at a young age, and his middle brother Darry had started his own business that had taken off. One would think this would lead to a lot of pressure for Soda to follow suit, but initially his dream had been to become a musician. A field he's far from pursued.

When Soda was in his early twenties, he met and fell in love with a man named Russell. He was the first in his family to explore a relationship that was outside of his families expectations and was initially met with a degree of disapproval he didn't expect. Soda in his efforts to remain non-confrontational, tried to keep Russell separate from his parents and with the help of his brothers, moved out of their home and into a small apart with them.

For the most part, his brothers were the only members of the family that maintained any sort of relationship with him and he loved them dearly for it. Unfortunately even those relationships became tarnished when he came home one day to find tragedy had struck. The denim of his jeans were slow to soak with blood as he knelt beside the only man he'd ever loved.

The majority of the investigation was for the most part a blur, Soda, never really processing what anyone was telling him, until the day the police told him that a suspect had finally been arrested. A suspect that no matter how many times he heard them say it never quite clicked for him. Dallas was the one being thrown behind bars. The very brother who helped them put their bed together was now being accused of the murder of Soda's favorite person.

He couldn't and to this day continues not to believe it. Soda knew his family was well affiliated and he walks with an almost confidence that they had something to do with Russell's murder. He feels even more confident that Dallas's loyalty to him became his ultimate downfall. After the incident, Soda hung up his guitar and traded it in for the Police Academy. He pursued the opportunity for justice with a vengeance and quickly worked his way through the ranks.

Unfortunately, the law was never really his passion, and he learned quickly where cutting corners for the sake of information would lead him. The connections it would build him within the criminal underworld. Despite a history of trying to keep his head down, he's never felt so many eyes on him as he's worked to traverse a world where moving undetected is everything.

[luvinmads]

Hannibal Lecter's femininity analysis

Before starting I want to make clear some points:

This essay/analysis is viewed from a sociological perspective, based on gender stereotypes and gender expectations in the context of 2013.

I am talking about the Hannibal we know in the series Hannibal from NBC.

I will not talk about womanhood as something immovable because I don't think there's a way to be more or less woman but I do think there are traits that are expected from women.

I will not include headcanons in this essay.

With that clear we can start.

Introduction

After I rewatched Hannibal for what felt like the tenth time I decided to watch some video analysis on YouTube, most of them talked about the clear queer "subtext" on Hannibal's and Will's relationship (I wouldn't say is a subtext at all, is very much vocalized in the serie). After I watched some of them I felt like something was missing, but what?

After I started to spiraling over it I knew, all those people analyzed the relationship between the characters but not the characters themselves, specifically not Hannibal (my favorite character), and I find it weird because Hannibal is a interesting character for a million things, but to me, the most interesting part of the character is the way he portraits femininity.

Hannibal has a lot of feminine traits.

Hannibal always talks gently, not even once louder his voice, he doesn't need it, he knows he will be heard by the ones who want to hear him, and the ones who don't aren't important.

He doesn't vocalize his annoyance, when something bothers him you notice it by a minuscule move in his eyes. He keeps himself polite over anything else, even with Mason Verger. He never seems to lose his temper, always in control of his actions, even when he is hurting others.

Hannibal is a caretaker over a protector, he is always finding a way to take care of people around him, mostly feeding them (human flesh, I know), but he also takes care of their wounds, he cleans them, he comforts them.

Hannibal also has some mannerisms which are pretty feminine, like the way he crosses his legs any time he sits (I want to point out that this is something Mads Mikkelsen gives to the character, if you watch any interview of him you will notice he always crosses his legs), or the ways he touches others, always delicately.

His hobbies too can be seen as feminine, his love for art, music, cooking and reading. Even though these aren't strictly feminine, it is indeed more likely to be seen as something a woman would like.

His fashion sense and his neatness too, he takes care of his aspect at the point he has a plastic suit he wears over his tailored ones at the moment of kill.

His love language is acts of service over anything else.

Hannibal's jealousy over any women Will has a relationship with is something I really wanted to point out, he lets Will make these connections but he always finds a way to take them from him, with his children too, because Will didn't accept the one he gave him.

All this traits are something that can be very striking in a man, but if Hannibal were a woman it would be something we expect, something we can see in Bedelia for example, in her all this traits don't seem to be extraordinary, but they made Hannibal to stand out over other men in the series and his social circle. Mostly if we have in mind that he was born in the 1940s 50s (couldn't find out his real age).

Conclusion

Maybe all of this is just an overanalyze from me, maybe it wasn't even thought to be like this. But anyway, I find Hannibal really resonates with the female audience (from what I see in different social media) more than the male audience because of these traits he has, and I very much like that.

I am sorry if this isn't what you expected though, I don't know if I did well, it has been years since I wrote something like this :((

What do you think about this topic? Is there something else you want to point out? Please tell me if you like. I would love to read others' perspectives.

tags: @trannigraham

[meraki-yao]

20 Questions For Fic Writers ✒️

I have a bit of time between now and my consultation for my essay so I’m finally answering these! Thank you to @luainthewild and @typicalopposite for the tags!!!!

How many works do you have on ao3?

13 right now! I’m a baby fic writer lol I only started in 2022 as a coping mechanism from university fucking me up, but I’m fully in love with it now. It’s so good to get back into writing for myself after writing for school and exams according to a marking scheme for so long.

What's your total ao3 word count? 43,982!

What fandoms do you write for?

浪浪钉 LLD (The collective ship name for the main ship Wenzhou and the rps Junzhe), Shadowhunters (mostly Show canon but I do have book canon fic ideas in my drafts), RWRB

I have a Sanders Sides Hadestown AU in my drafts too but that’s been gathering dust there for a while😅

Top five fics by kudos:

I’d Hang the Moon for It to Shine on Him Sleeping (RWRB)

I Need Comfort (But I Hate Being Comfortable) (RWRB)

Dancing Under Red Skies (Shadowhunters)

Take Me Out and Take Me Home (Shadowhunters)

Achilles Come Down (Shadowhunters)

Do you respond to comments?

Not really, mostly because I have no idea how to handle compliments🫠

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I’d say my first fic? Four Times Love Meant Sacrifice and the One Time It Didn't Need To, because that was literally four ships with a bad ending (or at least endings presented as bad) with one final happy ending ship. But otherwise I mostly stick with happy endings, or at least hopeful endings

But I will say my WIP that I posted on Wednesday is gonna break that record and have the angsiest ending, because it’s about Arthur Fox’s cancer diagnosis and Henry’s emotional journey through that point of his life

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I’d say most of them are fairly happy? But I do think I do hopeful endings more.

Probably Can I Have This Dance? It ends with Alex and Henry dancing around in the Texas family house after the election

Do you get hate on fics?

So far so good, no, and I’m hoping it stays that way 🥹

Do you write smut?

Very, very tame. The most explicit thing I’ve written is The Word of Your Body, which is a RWRB Movie Paris scene fic. It’s very tame, but writing the main event gave me such a crisis

Craziest crossover:

I don’t think I’ve done a crossover? Between fandoms, that is. And I don’t think I’ll ever plan to? Unless you count what I did for Four Times Love Meant Sacrifice and the One Time It Didn't Need To because I was mixing the actor’s characters from different projects and shipping them together (which is a really prominent thing in the LLD/JZ fandom)

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, not that I know of

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but with my growing interest in translation, I am thinking of translating some of my own fics, starting with the LLD (since that’s a dominantly Chinese fandom to began with)

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, not yet!

All time favorite ship?

Aw, you can’t make me choose, that’s impossible!

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have way too many ideas in my RWRB draft box, so there’s a lot of doubt there

But for fics I actually already started, it’s a song fic on “I’ll Cover You” from Rent for Junzhe. I was like 40% done with the draft, but the last time I touched it was in 2022.

It’s supposed to be a sort of exploration on cross-dressing and femineity which started because I was pissed at the government’s “Anti-sissy” declaration, and Zhehan (one part of the ship, but don’t search him online yourself a lot of shit happened and there’s massive misinformation everywhere about him) was really loved and known for his perceived femininity after holding a dominantly masculine image for most of his career. The gender neutrality in his style during and after Word of Honor suited him better, and I wanted to write about that

What are your writing strengths?

Descriptive writing and character studies, which is why most of my fics are either putting visual media into words, or missing scenes, or canon compliant

What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue and anything regarding movement and action, so choosing to write a Tangled AU for the RWRB Big Bang is a challenge I set for myself

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Be careful with it, and be respectful. (and of course, if it’s Chinese, I will be extra critical)

First fandom you wrote in?

Lang Lang Ding/Junzhe! Or if you categorize according to AO3 tags, Word of Honor RPF

Favorite fic you've written?

Eh, I’m pretty happy with most of my fics but I’ll go with I’d Hang the Moon for It to Shine on Him Sleeping, The Word of Your Body and Achilles Come Down

No pressure tagging @o0anapher0o @pippin-katz @lfg1986-2 @noemiettedraw @thinkof-england

[iphone18pham]

Itzy as the 5 love languages

(This was harder than i thought since i think some of them have more than one 😭)

Disclaimers! Bad grammar, Not Proofread

Paring: Itzy x Reader (separate)

Masterlist: GG,   BG

YEJI - Words of Affirmation

(YOU AS A IDOL)

I think words of affirmation really suits her mainly because she’s the leader of itzy.

If you’re the 6th member she will extra complement you on your progress if it’s for dancing and/or singing.

If you’re on a diet and you’re forcing yourself to not eat she would probably say how beautiful you are and praise your body while kissing, she would also say just because your on a diet doesn’t mean you can’t eat anything.

She would randomly say “I love you” in your ear no matter where you guys are

If you forgot a line or dance part she would be okay with it and say you did a good job anyways.

(YOU’RE NOT A IDOL)

She would always say/text ‘i love you’ to you everyday no mater what.

if you think like how did someone ugly as me have a girlfriend like you, Ryujin seems like someone better for you, etc. She would literally cancel her schedule for that day (If she can) and literally go off on a 70 page essay about Why she chose you to be her girlfriend and how she doesn’t deserve you. 

She would say certain things on stage it’s a code that you guys made up so she can mention you without anyone knowing .

LIA - Acts of Service 

(YOU AS AN IDOL)

She would totally help you with your lines and dancing.

If you start singing and then start coughing she would give you her water.

She would give you her seat.

Shares a blanket so you can cover your legs

would give you her jacket if your cold or wearing a relieving outfit for a performance

Would bake you something to eat.

(YOU’RE NOT A IDOL)

If she had a break and you just got back from school/work she would offer you a relaxing bath, bake for you ,and maybe even a message

 She would totally help you with chores

and buy you sweets and clothes

RYUJIN - Quality Time

(YOU AS AN IDOL)

Would totally do lives with you

She would hold your hand where the camera can’t see it

Would make you sit in her lap 

Will give kisses off camera 

Gets snacks at a convenient store with you at midnight so you guys won’t get caught

Drive you places like the aquarium and theme parks

would take you to a cafe 

(YOU’RE NOT A IDOL)

cuddle with you while watching a movie

will get snacks with you if she has time

she loves doing stuff with you since you guys barely have time together

will take places to go shopping, shopping, and for fun

CHAERYEONG - Physical Touch

(YOU AS AN IDOL)

loves giving you hugs when you do something right like finishing the choreography or something

holds your every time when you guys are at music awards to see if your comeback song is going to win

LOVES holding your hand, your hand is hers now

kisses your cheek randomly

kisses your hand when she is holding it

(YOU’RE NOT A IDOL)

CUDDLES

cuddles are must since you guys don’t have a lot of alone

loves giving and receiving hugs from behind

hold your hand when you guys go out

kisses all over your body

I read that sex also plays a part in physical touch but i don’t write that stuff so y'all can imagine

YUNA - Gifts

(Yuna only got this since she was the last one)

(YOU AS AN IDOL)

She is both on the giving and receiving side but more on the receiving end

If you get her snacks she obviously gives you something as a thank you

gets you guys water during dance practice

you both offer each other for lunch 

if you got presents from her on your birthday or something she will totally ask you to brag about it or post it on Instagram

If she got something from you she would brag about to the members and Instagram

will get matching necklaces for yourself 

(YOU’RE NOT A IDOL)

More on the giving side

would give you tickets to their concert

if you're a big fan then she would totally pull some strings to get you their albums and make sure she can put most of her inclusions in it

If you go to their concert and your backstage and  give her flowers she is so thankful

would offer you on dates 

totally get you matching stuff

I hope you like it. The requests are always open:)