#i love you early detective agency

[rosalinesurvived]

I love you Yosano, I love that you went and got an actual medical degree even after years of trauma to prove yourself as a doctor instead of relying on your ability which you hate, I love you Ranpo, I love your belief that a person’s decisions which make up their whole world regardless of outside factors is the greatest gift humanity has, I love you Kunikida, I love the correlation between your hatred of authority and your fierce desire for justice leading you to positions of guidance and help for those weaker in society, I love you Katai, I love the lengths you go to in order to show your devotion to those you love, I love you Fukuzawa, I love that your inner strength was strong enough to stop yourself falling further down into bloodthirst and desire for violence and the kill despite being completely alone throughout it

[dietcokegirly12]

“How Much Did You Eat?”

featuring ranpo edogawa "૮₍ ˶•⤙•˶ ₎ა

⋅ ʚ𖦹ɞ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ʚ𖦹ɞ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ʚ𖦹ɞ ⋅

art credit: @hanotanoha

⋅ ʚ𖦹ɞ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ʚ𖦹ɞ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ʚ𖦹ɞ ⋅

tags: aphrodisiacs, horny!ranpo, unprotected sex, slight handjob, teasing, masturbation

word count: 1.6k

KINKTOBER OCT. 17 (㇏(•̀ᵥᵥ•́)ノ)

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Ranpo loved snacks, chocolates especially. Everybody in the Detective Agency knew this, you especially, since you'd always had kind of a crush on him.

So nobody questioned anything when he walked in from his lunch break with arms full of various candies, boxes and bags alike.

You also knew better than to ask for any, since he never shared so everyone just left him alone, to nurse his sweet tooth by himself.

It was only when you were passing by his desk to deliver some paperwork to Fukuzawa that you noticed something off.

He was currently indulging in a heart-shaped box of chocolates which was weird, because it was September, not even remotely close to Valentine's Day.

You paused, tilting your head. "Ranpo, what are you eating?"

He turns to you, eyes closed and still chewing, his cheeks full like a squirrel. "Mm.. chofclate."

At first sight, you think maybe it's very expired chocolate from last year, so you quickly take the box from him, eliciting a soft protest.

Turning it over, you squint at the label and it's just then that you notice in small, printed letters the words, Gourmet Sex Chocolate with Herbal Aphrodisiacs.

Ranpo peers over your shoulder. "Huh?"

You whirl around, eyes wide as he stares back at you, unfazed as he continues chewing.

"Ranpo!" You hiss. "Did you read the label before you bought these?"

He looks at you quizzically. "No, why?"

You steer him away from the office, lowering your voice as you say, "Ranpo these are sex chocolates."

You wait for his reaction, expecting him to dramatically spit it out, or gasp, or something, but he simply shrugs, reaching for another. You quickly snatch it out of his hand, throwing the box in the trash.

"Hey!" he complains.

"Did you hear what I just said?"

He laughs. "It's funny how worked up you are over this. You realize those are myths, and a placebo effect at best. They don't actually..."

"How many did you eat?" You interrupt, beginning to get worried.

Distractedly, he reaches for a different box of chocolates. "Huh?"

Snatching it out of his hands, you look down at this one to see a similar packaging. "Ranpo! What kind of candy store did you go to?!"

He lifts one shoulder, unconcerned. "I wanted to try something new, and they had a section in the back I've never seen before with all these expensive chocolates. I thought they were exotic or something."

In a panic, you try to come up with solutions to solve the problem at hand, shaking your head in concern. “Oh no. No. It’s too late. You've already eaten who knows how many."

You turn, wracking your head as you try to figure out what to do. “God! I hope you can’t overdose on those, or you’re going to be in trouble. Ranpo, you have to go home right now, and wait for it to leave your system. I’ll tell Fukuzawa you left early because you felt sick, and have Kunikida clock you out of the system..”

Breaking off when you get no response, sensing something off since Ranpo is never silent, you turn back. “Ranpo?”

He’s looking back at you, cheeks flushed and lips parted. His emerald green eyes are half-lidded and he’s breathing heavily. Looking down, you see he’s sporting an impressive erection, the thick outline of his cock straining against his brown pants.

You lift your gaze, cheeks flushed pink. “Fuck! They work fast! Sorry! I'll leave!"

Quickly, you slam the door behind you, leaning against it heavily as you catch your breath, trying to ignore the arousal pooling between your thighs. This was wrong. He was in a compromising situation, you couldn't take advantage of him when he was like this.

You take a deep breath. You needed to go back to work. You had things to do. And Ranpo... well he could deal with it himself.

After a few moments' hesitation, you get up and walk calmly back to your desk, smoothing your skirt down.

The next half an hour or so passes by, uneventful as you focus. Or, at least, try to. You keep finding your mind wandering to what you think Ranpo might be doing in his office right now. Jerking off, probably.

The thought makes you squirm, but you try to pull yourself together and start working on the graphs for the latest mission at the Agency before Kunikida comes and yells at you.

Suddenly, the door to Ranpo’s office creaks open, and you hear his voice, breathy and slightly ragged. “Can you c’mere?”

You look around, unsure if he’s talking to you but notice you’re the only one in the office at the moment. Everyone’s probably out, running errands.

“Ranpo? Are you..”

“Just come here.” His voice is impatient, but there’s no doubting the unmistakable needy, desperate whine in his tone.

Hesitantly, you walk over, and push the cracked door open.

Nothing can prepare you for the sight you see inside, however.

Ranpo, head lolling back and hair mussed up, his normally closed eyes half-open, and his hand wrapped around his cock, pumping furiously.

You stay completely still, taking in the sight laid out before you. His cock was pretty and long, but most impressive was its girth. He was thick, his shaft pointed like a Cupid’s arrow at the top and sticking up into the air, flushed a pale pink with veins decorating it all the way down.

You don’t move, or make a sound, and impatiently he groans. “Are you just going to stand there?”

You swallow. “You want me to help you?”

“Fuck! Yes, I-I can’t.. it’s n-not working like this, just.. come here.”

You do, shyly, your hands twisting behind your back.

His head tilts back further, his eyebrows furrowing. “Touch me.”

Hesitantly, you come closer, reaching one hand out to take his heavy cock into your hand. It feels like velvet, and pearly precum beads out of the slit.

He shudders as you do, hips desperately thrusting up further.

Instinctively, you slowly pump him, your hand sliding up and down, and his needy whimpers and whines leaving his throat only serve to make your arousal grow.

You break off in a gasp as he suddenly sits up, smashing his lips to yours.

“Ranpo… are you..?” you gasp, as his face nuzzles into your neck, pressing himself to you as he rubs his erection on you, humping into you sloppily.

He breaks away only for a second to ask, “s’ this okay?” and as you give a shocked, affirmative nod, practically shoves you backward into his desk, pinning you down and grinding himself against you as he places messy, open-mouthed kisses everywhere he can reach.

You instantly squirm, bucking upward to pant and let out soft cries of his name, as your hands find their way to his soft, brown hair, tugging him forward closer.

He’s trying to mold himself to your body as he pushes your legs apart with his knee and quickly nestles himself in between, his hard cock pressing right against your entrance, covered only by the thin layer of panties you're wearing beneath your skirt.

In one harsh tugging motion, Ranpo rips them off, and is back on you in a second. "M' so fucking horny. Could cum just from this." He desperately grinds against your drenched cunt, his cock leaking precum and making a mess all over you, as you squirm, arching under him.

At this point, he's so desperately impatient for you, he can't hold out any longer. With messy, uncalculated movements, he lines himself up against your entrance and sloppily thrusts all the way in, wedging himself deep inside you.

You gasp, trying to adjust to the sudden intrusion as your legs automatically close around him, trapping him.

“Fuck baby.. open your legs. I need..” he pants softly over you, his dick twitching faintly.

You can’t help but want to tease him in this state, keeping them locked firmly around him. “Or… what?”

“Fuck!” He cries out, trying to move. “Please I.. oh fuck don’t clench like that.”

You can’t help it as your pussy convulses and flutters around him at his whiny words, trying to suck him in further.

“Pleaseeee!” His dick throbs inside you, and finally you relent, parting your legs slightly, and he wastes no time, nudging them fully open and holding down your thighs with his hands to expose your dripping cunt stuffed full of his cock, and keep you still.

He begins a relentless pace, thrusting into you so hard the desk is rattling, his dick plunging in and out, filling the room with lewd, squelching sounds.

“R-ranpo..” you gasp, clutching onto him tightly as his eyes shut, adjusting himself to a new angle to hit your sweet spot every time, forcing himself deeper into your tight, warm walls. “S-slow down..”

He grunts. “C-can’t.. fucking aphrodisiacs. Never thought.. ah..”

You can feel your stomach tightening, so close you can practically taste it, and your hands come to grip in his mussed-up hair with a moan, cunt clenching desperately around his veiny girth.

“Fuck.. baby you’re.. mm close?”

Before you can even say anything, you feel your clit twitching as the coil in your tummy snaps, warmth drenching his cock as you tighten and spasm around him, your hips twitching up.

He groans, feeling the warmth of your arousal washing over him as he follows suit close behind, spurting thick, warm ropes of cum into you.

For a moment, you just lay there, still trying to process all the events that had just transpired, and the stickiness between your thighs.

Just as you’re about to get up from his desk, you feel the warmth of his hand pushing you back down.

“Ah ah. The aphrodisiacs haven’t worn off yet.”

tagslist: (ask to be tagged!) @kissesmellow21 @rosebluuod @sakui1 @sayyestoheaven00

[vanilladove]

hiii hello vani<3 may i request smt angsty with dazai and reader in which he’s acting neglectful/unfaithful as a partner and you just deal with it? but you don’t hate him or anything you’re just really sad about it hehe tysm ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

☾⋆.ೃ࿔* ghostin

gif creds fybugoustraydogs | divider creds benkeibear

₊ ⊹☁ pairing: dazai x gn!reader

₊ ⊹☁ genre: angst :,)

₊ ⊹☁ content warnings: distant/neglectful relationships; canon mentions of double suicide bc dazai lol...i couldn't bring myself to write a cheating dazai i'm sorry T~T inspired by ghostin + better off by ariana grande!

₊ ⊹☁ word count: 1.9k

You shivered under the cold sheets when your alarm had woken you up. The space next to you was empty, your lover nowhere to be found.

It had been like this for months now, but it was nothing new due to the nature of his job. Dazai always became distant right before handling a new enemy for the Armed Detective Agency. He only disclosed vague details to you, explaining that withdrawing himself was a way to protect you since he didn’t want enemies knowing about you. Before leaving, he’d muttered something about keeping you away from “the demon”.

But you had to admit, the feeling of being 'safe' from a far away, unknown enemy didn't compare to being wrapped in your lover's arms, the soft kisses on your forehead, gently running your hands through his brown fluffy hair, and whispering sweet nothings to eachother. You missed his corny jokes and the nights you two would have together after drinking too much sake, giggling on the floor and watching the stars on your open balcony—Dazai always pointing out the constellations and telling you the stories and lore behind each one.

He had been staying at a secret location far from your shared apartment, so the sheets didn’t smell like his musky, warm cologne anymore. The space felt ghostly now, and hanging out with your friends barely helped. Stirring a sugar cube and cream into your morning coffee, the things they said repeated in your head.

“Just break up with him..."

"You don’t deserve someone who ignores you—especially if he puts work above you…”

"He's definitely cheating on you with all the travel he's always away on..."

Your friends didn’t understand though. They didn’t understand the depth of your relationship or how Dazai loved you. He was a reserved man; he didn't let anyone into his heart, always putting on a flamboyant front to mask his true self. Even becoming his partner and finally moving in with him was a feat in itself and was something he'd hesitantly accepted. You knew he had a traumatic upbringing and that the ones he cared for eventually left his life, often in a tragic way; the last thing his broken heart could take was losing you.

Which was why you put up with the cold sheets in the morning, the single serving meals, and all the sad movie nights alone—because deep down, you knew he cared about you. Your lonely conscious couldn't handle any other explanation.

You tiredly shaped the triangular onigiri filled with snow crab and placed it in the wooden bento box, along with some tamagoyaki and salad, savoring the momentary heat in your hands. It was Dazai's favorite lunch—something you used to pack for him everyday. You forcibly dragged yourself out of bed to make it for him after receiving a text—from an unknown number, of course—that he was stopping by the apartment to grab something. You knew it was futile waking up early; it wouldn't stop him from leaving with no explanation, from not being targeted by the port mafia, the hunting dogs, or "the demon". How silly and lovesick you were.

Closing the lid, you put the dishes in the sink and placed a piece of bread into the toaster, staring intently as you waited for it to finish, which seemed like forever. You took a sip from your mug, cringing when the lukewarm liquid touched your tongue. Shit, your coffee had gone cold. That never happened when he was still there.

The lock clicking snapped you out of your somber thoughts, and you turned your head around to face the self-inviting visitor. Gaze softening, you admired the tall man in front of you, wrapped in a tan trench coat, which you instinctively slipped off from behind him, his tense shoulders relaxing under your fingertips as you draped the coat on a nearby chair. Wordlessly, you both exchanged melancholic glances before Dazai made the first move, stepping forward to close the space between you two. His slender fingers slowly came up to caress your face, the foreign touch making your cheeks heat up. Leaning forward, he closed his eyes and placed a soft kiss on your cold lips, "Hi, bella."

Forcing yourself to open your lids again and not overindulge in the much needed contact, you smiled at your lover, but it didn't quite connect back to your eyes, "Welcome hom—errr—back...You needed something from here, right?" You replied, choosing your words carefully so he couldn't hear your evident desperation.

Dazai blinked carefully, "Yeah, a flash drive. It's in one of the kitchen cabinets. Is it fine if I look around for a bit?" You nodded, looking down at the tiled floor and smiling at nothing. Dazai was always like that, hiding important things in the most impractical places as a precaution. As he fished through the cabinet, he turned his head briefly to look down at the abandoned mug sitting on the counter, "Is that for me?"

You wiped the nostalgic grin off your face, reaching for your coffee, which you'd made in Dazai's usual mug, "A-Ah, no. It's mine, sorry," Dazai raised an eyebrow at you, "I made it earlier this morning, but it's cold now. I'll make you some more." You offered, trying to brush off his suspicions and the strange looks he was giving you.

He sighed, stroking your hair lightly, "It's fine, darling, brew yourself a new cup, and I'll drink this one." He gave you one last reassuring pat before picking up the mug and slipping away into your shared room to look for something else, giving you no time to protest. What seemed like a sweet gesture really had a double meaning: I'm not staying long enough for a new batch of coffee, so I'll just take the cold cup.

A pit formed in your stomach as you dumped out the used coffee filter and reached for a new one. Your vision started to blur, stopping you before you could open the lid of the coffee grounds. Wet drops falling on the back of your hands made you realize you were crying. Instinctively, you brought your hands up to cover your mouth and block any sobs from Dazai, who was still next door in your bedroom.

Stop it.

You tried to coerce yourself, but you couldn't help it. The despair was too agonizing; to have the one you needed most close to you but not being able to tell them to stay, to hold you, especially since you knew how precious you were to him—if you asked, he'd drop everything to stay the night with you. Everyone at the ADA was aware of that, which was why they'd sat you down and conveyed that you couldn't dote too much on Dazai. You understood that and had stayed by his side anyways, knowing that being with him sometimes was better than never. Even if it broke your heart in the process. Even if it meant crying silently in the kitchen while your lover was in the next room, oblivious to the tears wetting your sleeves.

Deep down, you wished he would notice the pain you were in. You wished he would text and call you more or at least take you out to dinner and do special things when he'd finally come back, but he always resumed your daily routines almost like he'd never left. It made your heart ache, feeling like he disregarded his long leaves and their effects on you. You sniffled quietly and quickly wiped your tears away upon hearing rustling from the bedroom doorway signaling that Dazai was almost done grabbing what he needed.

Inhaling deeply, you breathed in and out slowly to calm your frantic heart and turned to the side to face the counter as your partner walked back into the kitchen.

"Found what you were looking for?" You asked, trying to cover your face with your hair and sneakily wipe away any residual tears.

Dazai swiftly passed by you, going towards the chair to slip his trench coat back on and grab the lunch you'd made him. "Yeah, I found it. Thanks for the bento and coffee by the wa—" Your eyes widened as he trailed off mid-sentence, all of a sudden feeling his presence next to you. He bent down to peer over at your face, evidently still swollen and a bit red from crying.

He rotated your body towards him and pushed the stay hairs from your face, intently observing your features. "Bella, have you been crying?" He stroked your cheeks delicately, "And your eyebags are so dark...have you been getting enough sleep?" He looked genuinely worried, peering into your eyes for any sort of insights, but it was too hard to maintain eye contact with him.

"I'm fine...I—" You muttered, words trapped in your throat.

Tell him you miss him. That you don't want him to leave you again.

No, don't! Let him walk out as usual. Your sadness isn't worth letting a countless number of innocent people get harmed or killed.

Thoughts conflicting and wearing your tired soul out, you only mustered a weak smile, placing your cold hands on top of Dazai's. "If I died now, would you still die with me?"

"What?"

"You promised we'd commit a double suicide together. Would you still—" Dazai's arms wrapped around you, pulling you into him, his warmth and comforting scent making tears fall again, not knowing the next time he would be back. You cursed yourself internally for breaking down in front of him, but you couldn't hold your emotions in any longer. He only held you silently, running his hands through your hair as you sobbed into his chest. You felt lightheaded, crying for several minutes, the only condoling things being the scent of Dazai's cologne and the way he held you to remind you he was still with you.

You looked up from his chest, gazing into his chocolate brown eyes, which were swirling with uncertainty. A pained expression was on his face, no doubt from your actions. "I'm sorry, my love. I'm so sorry..." He lifted your face up to kiss your lips gently and kiss away your salty tears before pulling you back into his chest. "I was selfish to think you wouldn't be hurt by me always being away. I tried to turn a blind eye to focus on work, but..." He exhaled shakily, "...somehow I always hurt the people closest to me...even the one I love the most."

Dazai squeezed you tighter in his arms, "I love you, and I know we'll get past this, darling. I don't expect you to forgive me, but please, please don't think of resorting to that." He cradled your face, forcing you to look up at his broken eyes.

This was the power you had over him. Prison, criminals, and even the mafia couldn't break him anymore, but your tears could melt his gaudy, confident facade instantaneously and bring him to his knees. Exactly what everyone warned you about.

You nodded slowly, the last of your cry session being wiped away by Dazai's thumbs. You hugged him back, listening as his rampant heartbeat went back to normal, staring off to the side.

"Listen, bella, I'm going to be gone for a few months. I suspect I'm going to be arrested and sent to a high-security prison...probably somewhere overseas. We won't—we won't be together for a while." You heaved, holding your breath, "But," He turned your head to face him, "I'm going to stay here for a couple of days until then. Is that okay?"

Before you could think, you crashed your lips on his, and Dazai only happily kissed back, smiling, grateful to have cheered up his love again.

"Y-Yeah, that's fine. I love you, Osamu." You sniffled back. He could stay forever if he wanted to, but you'd take a few days.

"I love you, too, bella. I always will, even when I'm not with you. Enough for the both of us."

[kitasgloves]

Obsessed With You

tracklist

— ♬ "You and me, we were meant to be. We live happily in my fantasy"

— ♬ Erotomaniac! Dazai Osamu x Reader, NSFW, gender-neutral reader, depictions of stalking, obsessive behavior, and masturbation, non-consensual dry humping, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, 3.9k words, no beta

— ♬ NOTE: I DO NOT CONDONE, ROMANTISIZE, OR SEXUALIZE WHAT IS DEPICTED IN THIS STORY. EVERYTHING IS A WORK OF FICTION. READER'S DESCRETION IS ADVISED.

Osamu Dazai hums to himself as he smiles at the singular picture plastered on his wall, it was a decently sized photograph of a Yokohama civilian stuck against the wall with tape. His smile erupts wider as he strides closer to the photo, with his limber finger he traces the person's smile in the photograph. After another long moment of staring, Dazai sighs and fetches his coat.

He left his apartment and traveled towards the Armed Detective Agency, his footsteps were particularly bouncy. He deliberately arrived twenty minutes late, before Dazai settled in front of his desk, he got his daily scolding from his beloved co-worker, Kunikida Doppo. His routine went on as usual. He lazed around and folded important documents into paper airplanes to annoy Kunikida, he disturbed Atsushi Nakajima, who happened to be stationed beside him as he disrupted his working hours, and he'd have his daily nap on one of the couches in the office.

For the past several weeks, his mood has been unusually cheery. Dazai's antics grew less but didn't disappear completely (much to Kunikida's dismay). The smile on his face appeared…unsettling if one were to gaze at it for far too long. It was as if his smile never wavered and gave the impression that he was plotting something. But nobody in the agency bothered to ask what he was thinking about, and if any of them were, they doubted he'd tell the truth.

After another day's work, Dazai clocks out early. In addition to his daily routine, he'd stop by the new bookstore a block from his apartment. As he approached the small bookstore, he could feel the pace of his heartbeat quickening. Dazai could feel his breathing hitch at the sight of the figure by the display window. They hadn't noticed him yet and he greedily watched the sight. His eyes traced the curve of their body, he focused on the look on their features as they arranged the books on the display window, and a crooked smile rose on his lips when they remained oblivious to his presence.

You moved to Yokohama several months ago after graduating college. You wanted to start an independent life of your own and thought that Yokohama was a lovely place to begin the journey. Upon arrival, you were admittedly overwhelmed. It took you several days to find a new place and job, it wasn't what you initially envisioned, but it worked for you, nonetheless. A humble apartment for one and a simple job at a local bookstore were enough for you to strive in this new independent life.

The bell rings when a familiar tall figure enters the bookshop, you look up from the counter and flash a beaming smile at the customer. 

"Hey, Dazai"

"Hello, Belladonna"

Dazai wiggled his fingers at you flirtatiously and you laughed, completely thinking he was being satirical as you often do. Ever since you bumped into Dazai while looking for an apartment, he never ceased to call you 'Belladonna'. You have no clue what urged him to call you that nickname, but you figured it was harmless. Dazai was a charming man with dark chocolate hair and eyes, tall and slightly lean, and had his signature bandages wrapped around his arms and neck. You wanted to ask him the reason for those bandages but held your tongue worrying it might be too personal to share.

 "How's your day?"

"Great! And judging from that beautiful smile on your face, you were looking forward to seeing me"

The brunette leaned against the counter and flashed you a flirtatious smirk. You laughed at every flirting and romantic advance Dazai made. Truthfully, you were weirded by him at the beginning. It perhaps had something to do with when you found him climbing out of a river, where he told you he was attempting to drown himself. He clasped both of your hands in that fateful meeting and asked if you wanted to try double suicide with him. You initially thought that he might be on drugs or he's mentally deranged, but you soon discover that he is simply eccentric. Somehow, Dazai has crawled his way into your life and made room for himself, which was both impressive and perplexing.

"Any new suicide attempts for today?"

"I tried swallowing a bunch of unknown pills in Dr. Yosano's office, but I only ended up getting an upset stomach rather than death"

"Serves you right"

"How mean! You know how difficult it is when your stomach's in pain. As I said, I like death, not pain and suffering"

He pouts and you playfully roll your eyes and turn around to organize the newly arrived books. You can feel his gaze on you as you work, but you can't see how he is gazing at you. His eyes were darker, the color of his face was flushed pink, and his smile was...twisted. Dazai watched you like he was a starving man, hungry for something that was not on the menu. His Adam's apple bobbed as he saw you bend over to pick up a stack of books, his hand creeping toward the zipper of his pants. He was about to unzip his pants until you whipped your head around. Immediately, Dazai fixes his expression.

"Do you mind giving me a hand with these books, Dazai?"

"Of course!"

The brunette gingerly strides towards the other side of the counter and assists you in carrying several heavy books into a new empty bookshelf.

"Thanks! I owe you one"

"Oh, no, no, no, you don't need to return the favor"

"Nonsense, how about coffee this weekend, my treat?"

Dazai could feel his heart skip a beat, he couldn't fight off the pleased smile rising on his lips. He takes a step forward and gazes at you with unblinking but glimmering eyes.

"It's a date"

When he hears you laugh as he replies, he feels a twist in his chest. He did adore your sweet laughter, but he didn't like how you laughed at every obvious romantic gesture or comment he gave. God, he's trying to capture your heart! Or was it hard to take him seriously? Dazai chats with you for a while, cleverly distracting you from your duties with his blabbering as he throws one interesting topic and another just to have you hooked on him while he basked in your attention.

Dazai walks home satisfied after spending a few hours with you. Once his apartment door closes, he rushes to shred off his coat and go to bed. He collapses on the mattress with a huff as he hastily pulls out a handkerchief from his pocket. It wasn't an ordinary handkerchief; it was the handkerchief he slyly stole from you earlier while you were distracted chatting with him. Dazai presses the handkerchief against his nose as he greedily inhales your scent trapped against the fabric.

"Hmm, fuck, [Name]"

He moans as he smoothly unzips his pants and frees his growing erection. Dazai lazily strokes his length as he hungrily imprinted your scent in his brain. To think he was about to stroke his cock like this while he was at your workplace made him laugh against your handkerchief. His eyes roll back when he picks up the pace of his hand around his dick, he suffocates himself with your handkerchief as he imagined you were in the room with him, watching him jerk off while his tongue rolled out your name repeatedly.

"[Name], [Name], [Name]—"

He chants your name as he approaches his orgasm. Dazai throws his head back as spurts of his cum coated his hand and abdomen. He goes monetarily limp in his bed, sweating and with your handkerchief still against his nose as he catches his breath. He swiftly cleaned himself up and went to bed. 

Dazai has a picture of you on his wall. He dreams of you when he sleeps. He goes out of his way every day hoping he'll catch you walking down your street. He knows just where you went to school. He knows the names of all your friends. He knows he's got it bad again. An Obsession. Dazai knows your middle name. He has a lock of your hair. He might be a little bit insane because he thinks he can see you everywhere. Nobody can understand, no one can see his point of view. They might say it's gotten out of hand and that Dazai's obsessed with you.

But how must one blame him? It was you. It's your fault because you were so damn insatiable. You attract a primal part in him that he keeps suppressed. You arouse his hunger for your innocence. You feed him with your saccharine smiles. You bring out the twisted side of him that he thought he had abandoned back when he was still in the Port Mafia. But he thinks he has become intensely worse than before. He was greedier, he was willing to take risks just to be around you.

Oh, and he's horrible. He lies to you and pretends to be an eccentric but harmless individual while he masturbates to the mere thought of you returning his growing and twisted attraction. The way you welcomed him each time made him want more than what was possible. He wants to get next to you, he loves all the things you do. He wants to get close to you, you're his dream come true. He wants to have sex with you, your sweet caress won't do. Dazai's obsessed with you, he's obsessed with you.

Dazai is pretty aware of what he's experiencing and what he's doing isn't healthy or acceptable. But denying that he doesn't ache for you is so difficult to do. To deny you is equivalent to mortal sin, he thinks. Everyone at the Armed Detective Agency watched silently as Dazai gingerly hummed a song before clocking out early again, he barely got anything accomplished the past few days. As much as Kunikida wanted to yell his ear off about his responsibilities in the agency, the blonde couldn't help but feel there was something suspicious going around with Dazai that he avoided interacting with him as much as possible. Kunikida's suspicion heightened when the best detective in the agency, Ranpo Edogawa, stopped eating sweets at his desk and looked at Dazai instead with narrowed eyes.

"Belladonna!"

The brunette startles you with an embrace from behind when you are cleaning one of the bookshelves. You yelped and smacked him with a feather duster. How did he sneak behind you? You didn't even hear the bell tingling at the door when he entered.

"What the hell, Dazai!"

"Sorry, did I scare you?"

"I didn't hear you walking in!"

You playfully bantered with him as you continued with your work while Dazai entertained you with nonsensical tales. You listened as his mouth went miles per minute. For some odd reason, you never found his blabbering annoying, nor did you find his weird habits irritating. Somehow, the more you spend time with Dazai, you begin to think he's more than what meets the eye. The following weekend, you and Dazai went out for coffee as promised. He's more enthusiastic than usual. 

Fortunately, Dazai was able to control himself that weekend when he met with you. He dressed himself more appealingly and he made an effort to take a shower then fix his hair to hopefully make you swoon. He was afraid that if he wasn't able to restrain himself the moment he saw you out of your working clothes, he'd pounce at you and eat you whole. Fuck, you looked gorgeous. The way you timidly batted your eyelashes at him punches the air out of his lungs.

"Shall we go in?"

The brunette nodded and followed behind you as you both entered the café. It was a warm morning with a few people scattered amongst the booths. You and he placed your orders and waited for your beverages and food to be served at a table in the corner of the establishment. Dazai felt like he was knocked stupid in the head because he hadn't spoken a word since he saw you. Your smile sets his heart aflame. He felt electrocuted with your eyes. Hell, the very mention of your name, his stomach fills with butterflies.

Once your orders were brought, you began a casual conversation with the brunette. You notice how flushed he looked, his eyes were filled with intensity, and there was sweat trickling down the side of his face. You assume that he caught a fever with the way he's behaving quietly. You settled your coffee down and cast him a concerned look.

"Are you okay? You're awfully quiet"

"Hm? Oh, I'm fine. In fact, I'm feeling great! After all, I'm on a date with you!"

Dazai flashes you one of his charming smiles and you shake your head and chuckle, dismissing your concern for him. You barely notice him touching his coffee or the food you ordered for the both of you. He was hyperfocused on what you were talking about, especially the way your lips moved with every syllable. Dazai naturally stores every piece of information you obliviously give out to him in his head. He can see your hand resting on top of the table, inches away from his, and he's dying to grasp it. He wants to interlock his fingers with yours and steal the warmth from your palm. He needs to cling to your skin. He needs more and all of you. Your heart, your body, and your love.

He thinks, your love is better than cocaine or any drug for that matter. He needs you more than oxygen. Dazai knows he's got it bad again, no, he knows he has grown worse. An obsession. His obsession has escalated out of his control. He knows more than your middle name. He's got personal records of your birth certificate and various important documents. He has more than a lock of your hair, he possesses every item that his greedy hands stole, from chewed pens to used underwear. Dazai thinks he's a little bit insane because he sees you everywhere, he sees you in every corner of his apartment, in the Armed Detective Agency, and in public. He knows his friends won't understand, they cannot see his point of view. Kunikida would just smack him in the head and yell at him to get back to work or Atsushi would just nervously laugh at him and tell him he's just feeling tired. But everything has gotten out of hand, and he's obsessed with you.

"Bye, Dazai!"

"Farewell, Belladonna. Thank you for the wonderful treat"

You smile at him before walking across the street and turning a corner. That cute café 'date' couldn't satisfy his craving. Dazai needed more. And the only way he saw it fit to gain satisfaction was to follow you home. He was undetected by you or anyone as you approached your apartment. When you shut and locked your door, Dazai didn't take it as a sign to leave. Oh no, he hasn't even begun. He wants to get close to you, he loves all the things you do. He wants to get next to you, you are his dream come true. He wants to have sex with you, your sweet caress won't do. Dazai's obsessed with you, he's obsessed with you.

There he was, stealthily breaking into your apartment after expertly picking on the lock. The sick part of it was this wasn't the first time. He has done this multiple times when he got hopelessly desperate. A devilish smile was on his features as he listened outside of your bathroom door, he leaned against the door to press his ear to hear you humming in the shower. He swallows as he imagines your naked and wet body from the other side, it sends his heart into a frenzy.

He spots your discarded clothes on your bed and he waltzes towards them. His eyes zeroed in on your underwear and his hands didn't even hesitate in snatching them before bringing them against his nose. He collapses on your bed and greedily inhales your lingering scent within the sheets and from your underwear.

"[Name]"

He utters your name in a wistful whisper. Dazai lays there as his hand trails down to his pants, he can feel his skin heating, his heart banging against his ribcage with want, and his erection growing in his pants. If only you knew that you were the only one who had this profound effect on him. Nobody has urged him to feel this way in the past. No one was successful in rendering him into this disturbing and deranged being because of their mere existence. It was only you.

Dazai shuts his eyes as he palms his hardened cock in his pants while sniffing your underwear. The risk of you catching him in the act flies over his head. If only you knew that you and he were meant to be. Both of you live happily in his fantasy. Dazai and you go walking down the aisle and you look at him and smile. But suddenly, his alarm clock rings. He wakes up in denial.

The brunette glanced down at his hard erection in his boxers as he discovered he was back in bed in his apartment. Oh right, that happened two days ago. He escaped from your apartment before he could jerk off with your underwear. Dazai shuts off his alarm and runs a hand down his face. He frowned, he wasn't in the mood to go to work today. Nonetheless, he fixed himself and went to the Armed Detective Agency.

Everyone noticed how detached Dazai was behaving. There was a lack of suicidal antics and constant blabbering from the brunette. He just sat on his chair and stared blankly at the laptop screen on his desk. Although he didn't get any paperwork done, Kunikida didn't dare scold him. His eyes can see the eery look of vacancy on his colleague's face. The blonde thought about consulting Ranpo about the matter and even asking him to use his Ultra Deduction to figure out what was going on with Dazai.

Meanwhile, Dazai felt like he was going to burst into complete madness. The obsession he contained and concealed from everyone was choking him. Such intense and twisted emotions can only be controlled for so long that after his shift at the agency, the brunette hastily goes straight to your apartment. He breaks into your apartment as before and sits in your bed in the dark, and there he waits. He waited like a patient wolf waiting for an innocent sheep to arrive.

You felt a cold shiver run down your spine when you grabbed your keys from your bag, you felt unusually hesitant to enter your home. You felt a premonition that something was off. However, you felt exhausted, you needed to have dinner and rest. You shoved the uneasiness in the back of your mind as you unlocked your apartment door, you opened the lights and emitted a relieved sigh when nothing was in disarray. But to your horror, you found a very familiar figure sitting at the foot of your bed.

"Da—Dazai?"

"Hello, [Name]. Can I have a word with you?"

A twisted smile rises on Dazai's lips as he takes in your stunned expression. He watches you stumble back and look at him with horror as if you've witnessed a gruesome murder scene. He knows his calmness about the situation was disturbing you. He predicted that you'd make an attempt to escape, but at the moment, you were too astonished to make up a reply.

"[Name]..."

"...What the hell are you doing in my apartment?"

You finally gained your composure to speak. You sounded both petrified and disgusted. You had the right to feel violated! This guy just broke into your apartment! He must have some wicked scheme prepared. You slowly took a step back and shakily drew in a breath. Dazai chuckles.

"I just want to have a little chat with you, Belladonna"

"You...you could've talked to me after my shift"

"Hm, but I wanted talk in a private place, my dear"

The brunette notices your hands shaking as you avoid his intense stare. A horrible part of him felt aroused at your terrified state. Dazai carefully rises from your bed and stalks towards you like a hungry wolf.

"Get the fuck out of my apartment now, Dazai. This isn't funny"

"I'm not going to do anything bad, [Name]. Don't worry"

"I don't care. Get out, now!"

Your warning goes deaf in Dazai's ears. In a panic, you grabbed your phone from your pocket and dashed out of your bedroom. Unfortunately, Dazai was swift enough to seize your hand and steal your phone from your grasp. With a gasp, you watched him discard your phone on the floor before pulling you into a bone-crushing embrace. He held you from behind, wrapping his long arms around your torso and securing your hands against your sides. You felt a disgusted shudder when his face leaned down to inhale your hair.

"Come on, there's no need to get anyone involved"

"Let me go!"

You struggled. When you feel the brunette laughing darkly from behind, your heart stops. This wasn't the Dazai you met, or he wasn't the man he showed you to be. He wasn't eccentric, he was a fucking maniac. You begin to quiver in his hold as he tries to soothe you by rubbing his cheek against your temple.

"God, you're so fucking perfect"

Dazai reveled at how heavenly it felt to finally have you in his arms. His senses were overstimulated with every part of you. He buried his face against the crook of your neck as he felt himself salivating by your scent alone. He wants to sink his teeth into you and make you scream. While he was lost in his twisted fantasy, he failed to register the fact that you started sobbing.

"Wh—what do you want from me?"

You pleaded with a petrified tone. Your heartbeat stops when his hands begin to roam all over your body. Dazai was breathing heavily against your ear. Your stomach drops when his hips begin to buck against you as you felt his erection rubbing against your ass. By that, you fell into a fit of helpless sobs.

"What do I want? Oh darling, isn't it obvious?"

The brunette whispers against your ear. He couldn't contain himself as he dry-humped his erection against your clothed ass. These perverse emotions he felt for you ate him alive while he was dying to have you. Dazai was beyond redemption. Now, that he has enacted on his desires, it would be impossible to turn back. He greedily places kisses along your neckline and cheek, his teeth grazing against your skin, tempted to have a taste of your flesh. Your sobbing only fueled him as he lost the distinction between right and wrong.

"I want to get close to you. I want to get next to you. I want to have sex with you"

Dazai grunted. You couldn't hold back your crying as he continued to dry-hump against your ass. His confession brought unimaginable disgust within you. Whenever you tried to wiggle away from his strong embrace, he would bite on your exposed skin keeping you in place. You clawed on his arms when he moaned your name against your ear.

"I'm obsessed with you"

Dazai whispered tenderly. You begin to thrash around as he laughs and keeps you in his cruel hold. He wasn't completely blind to the facts. He knew there was no way for you to love him back when he'd done the unthinkable. But he couldn't help it. The intoxicatingly sweet but aching feeling blooming in his chest. He can have you in his arms now but not forever. He knows he doesn't deserve it but he still smiles through it. All he needs is a taste to survive. He'll deal with the consequences later. As you wailed uncontrollably, all Dazai could think about was how lovesick he was of you.

©kitasgloves (do not steal or copy)

[bsdawgz]

「 ✦ Closer ✦ 」 Bungo Stray Dogs, Armed Detective Agency: Osamu Dazai

a/n: inspired by the morning voice post by @lovedazai (THIS), nin, and curiosity about how dazai would f#@% in the morning

genre: nasty and a sprinkle of fluff. (early) established relationship.

content warning: f!reader. MDNI! nasty ahead! some edging, begging, and praise. body worship + oral sex (m! and f! receiving for both. everyone wins!). religious imagery. you've been warned.

summary: in the morning, dazai likes to spoil you in bed ♡

just as you're about to get out of bed, you're stopped by soft lips against the nape of your neck, gently traveling across your skin as slender fingers grasp at your hips, coaxing you back into the futon and into a warm embrace. a quiet yawn into your shoulder is followed by a series of loving kisses up and down your spine – dazai's morning ritual as he tries to persuade you to stay in bed just a little longer, linger in his arms for just a minute or two more. in the mornings, he's always so resistant to getting up, so clingy and attached and so determined to not go into work. why waste his time laboring away at the ada when he can waste his life away in the arms of a beautiful woman instead?

"good morning, pretty girl." his voice is deeper, richer, in the morning, slightly raspy from a good sleep brought from being tangled in one another's bodies the night before. it's alluring, sexy, even, the way that he whispers in your ear and pulls you closer tight against his chest, as though he can't get enough as you, tracing circles into your naked back with his fingertips, etching his initials into your skin as if to remind you that your his and his alone, his lips lingering on your earlobe, his breath tickling your neck –

– and he pulls you closer, closer,

and closer.

it's never quite enough for him.

molding into your body and seeking your warmth, "won't you pay attention to me~?" he coos, fingers playing with the waistband of your panties teasingly. you feel him adjust your hips slightly, and at this angle you can feel him now – all of him. the heat that emanates from his skin, the firmness of his chest pressed against yours, and most of all, the hardness in his boxers as he pushes up against you – you can sense him just smirking once he knows that you can feel him there.

"i hope you know how much i like you," he whispers, and his voice is so tempting, almost as tempting as the way that his hands smooth over your stomach and the way that they grasp your waist. those hands fit so perfectly around your body, around your breasts, around your hips. you feel him squeeze you, sighing into your skin, and you melt into his touch. ever since dazai started dating you, it's been impossible for him to keep his hands off of you – touching you felt ritualistic, like going to church. it was like a necessary reminder that you're real, that you exist, that you're alive.

being able to bask in your light, to soak in your vitality –

it felt like breathing – like living, even.

as he buries his nose into the crook of your shoulder, tangling his fingers in your hair, you can feel his warm breath against your neck. "mm, your body feels so soft," he murmurs affectionately, continuing to pamper you with soft, gentle kisses. these innocent touches might satisfy him for now, but it's never long until he's impassioned to get on top of you – and that's exactly what he does, shifting his weight until you're underneath him, ensnared in his bandaged arms.

"do you want me?" he asks you teasingly, swiping his tongue across his lips. there's this wicked grin on his face as he bats his long, thick lashes at you knowingly – there are no secrets you can keep from dazai. "you always feel so soft, especially here," he whispers sweetly in your ear, lips lingering on your earlobe as he nudges your legs apart with his knee. you can feel warmth spread wildly across your skin as you grow wet from just his subtle touch. he brings his fingers between your legs only to trail them along the side of your thighs until you're writhing underneath him, then those same slender fingers are brushing 'accidentally' against the place you want him most. it's fleeting – a moment gone too soon, yet you find your hips impulsively moving, desperately trying to chase after him.

"you know, that was pretty perverted of you..." he says tauntingly, eyes glinting with amusement. you flush with embarrassment, but it's not long until you feel his fingers press against your entrance for real, this time tracing your folds through the cotton of your panties, deliberately dampening the fabric with your arousal. "so dirty, huh." he's eyeing you like a wolf as he lowers himself onto your body, soft brown bangs falling into his darkened eyes as he grins at you smugly.

kissing down your body, along your collarbone and the curve of your shoulders, his large hands grasp your breasts, massaging them and lavishing them with gentle kisses. you gasp as his tongue encircles around a nipple, as he sucks hickies into your chest, as he molds his hands around your shape. then, continuing down your body, he stops below your navel, glancing up at you – "you want me here?"

you nod, then you feel his hands on you once more, slowly peeling your panties down your legs.

dazai holds you're sacred, like you're the source of life itself, laying his head down in front of you as though there's some altar hidden between your thighs. for a moment, all you can feel is his warm breath against your skin – nothing more.

then, everything at once –

– that heavenly feeling of his tongue, licking you so agonizingly slowly, so sweetly, so sinfully. you feel him ease a finger inside of you, then two, his delicate, beautiful fingers reaching somewhere you could never. then, pulling you flush against his mouth, he laps at you thirstily, tongue swirling around your clit until you're moaning out his name, until you're melting on his saliva. "dazai–" you hardly manage to stammer out, panting helplessly. "i want you... please... i want you in my mouth, too..."

you get on your knees as though to worship him. shuffling his boxers down his legs, you're desperate to just to touch him now – to finally taste him on your tongue. you feel its warmth against your skin as you press his length against your face, smear the precum that's pearling from the tip against your cheek, licking up the shaft seductively as you gaze up at him with doe eyes that are intent on having him watch you... but of course, he's going to watch you – focusing on your every movement with these half-lidded eyes that are clouded over with sheer desire and wanton lust. his hands tangle in your hair as he bites back a soft moan, enamored by the way you're rubbing his dick all over your sweet, innocent face. you can just feel him throbbing in your hands. how he aches for more, for you to put him in your mouth and devour him completely.

you stroke him gently, placing loving kisses on that pretty tip of his before sloppily wrapping your lips around him. saliva drips from your mouth, dribbles down your chin as you try to deepthroat him, and you gag as you feel the head hit the back of your throat. "that's it," he sighs pleasurably, throwing his head back. "god, you're good to me."

determined to finish him, you pick up the pace before you can choke on him – but he pulls himself out of your mouth suddenly with a soft laugh, resigning to stroking himself lazily with one hand. "fuck," you hear him curse under his breath, exasperated. "i'm already close.” he grins up at you playfully, then reaches across the bedside table for a condom, rolling it down his length before mindlessly tossing the plastic wrapper aside. then, grabbing you by the wrists, he tugs you into his lap to straddle him. "–not until i have you first."

there's a renewed wickedness in this eyes now, like he's up to no good. you watch him in anticipation as he starts guiding the blunt head inside of you... only to slide it back out of your slick folds, slipping the tip in and out of you teasingly, listening to the deliciously wet sound of your squeezing around nothing at all. "don't.. tease...!" you plead, but it's no use. your thighs give out as you feel him slap it lightly against your slick, hips spasming at the sudden impact, however slight. then, he laughs a sort of devious laugh, delighting in the needy way you squirm for him.

"tell me how badly you want it first," he insists, his voice a low, erotic whisper in your ear, his tongue tracing a line along the lobe. you can feel just the tip prodding at your entrance once more. as you try to roll your hips forward to meet his, his firm hands keep you in place. you whine out his name – not good enough, it seems.

so, you cry out, beg pathetically – beg for more and more. dazai watches you intently, wonder gleaming in those deep brown eyes of his as you struggle to feel him, to touch him, your body coming alive for him –

as you urge him to pull you closer, closer,

and closer.

it's never quite enough for you.

then, when he just can't help himself anymore, he sinks you onto him and fills you completely, pressing his body against yours until you're tangled so perfectly in his arms.

being close to you like this – it's started to feel a bit more like breathing to him,

– like living, even.

© BSDAWGZ 2024. Do not steal or repost ANY of my works! That’s plagiarism, and it’s mean. :(( Beautiful dividers by @ v6que!

[good-chimes]

Proposing:

Grand Unified Scarian Theory

a single, overarching Scarian romance arc across the whole Hermitcraft and Life series as well as a primer for anyone curious about the early seasons.

We start with NEIGHBOR MEET CUTE in early Season 6:

Season 6 begins in a peaceful pirate bay. SCAR, an established hermit just beginning his third season, is happily making pirate caves. Into this tranquil scene comes GRIAN.

Grian, fresh-faced and new to Hermitcraft, picks a sea-themed base location right next to Scar’s pirate caves. He gets himself set up and starts his base. Even someone like Grian can get newcomer nerves, and he spends the first few weeks desperately trying to act like a normal person instead of the horrible gremlin he really is.

(Some hermits are taken in by this. Doc and Xisuma give him pity diamonds, something that—after getting to know Grian—they noticeably never do again.)

The only person exempt from Grian’s just-a-little-birthday-boy act is Mumbo, whom Grian already knows, clearly has a puppy-crush on, and pursues relentlessly.

Grian and Scar don’t interact much at first. Grian sees Scar for the first time while passing by his base. Scar instantly falls in one of his own caves and dies.

Grian panics.

Grian: I DIDN’T DO IT!

Scar, intrigued by his new neighbor, makes some overtures of interest:

1. Scar leaves a fully enchanted trident at Grian’s base as a welcome present. This is a generous gift for the cute neighbor you have a crush on and frankly the most normal thing either of them do in the entire years-long relationship.

Grian goes ‘huh!’ at the trident, never finds out who sent it, and immediately forgets the whole thing.

2. Scar entertains Grian’s traveling-salesman pitch and buys his overpriced armor boxes.

Multiple jokes about the size of Scar’s wallet. Grian clearly pleased by the transaction.

3. Scar makes Grian a complementary in-joke build (Spongebob’s house by Squidward’s house).

This delights Grian immeasurably for five minutes until he turns back to his prank war with Mumbo.

(Poor Mumbo. Clearly immensely fond of Grian but not sure he wants to be in a relationship with a lit stick of dynamite. This is very understandable.)

By this point Scar obviously kind of clocks that Grian is insane about Mumbo. This isn’t much of a leap. The entire SERVER is aware that Grian is horribly in love with Mumbo.

Ah. That’s okay. Scar backs off a bit. He recognizes when he’s not really in with a chance.

Maybe this thing he has with Grian is just going to be a friendship, and that’s okay! Having a crush is fun even if you’re not going to do anything about it. Scar is going to build some shops about it and be normal.

Both of them are going to be very normal.

FLIRTING (First Stages) – mid-Season 6

Both of them immediately forget to be normal.

Grian has started a detective agency and has no mysteries to solve. Scar instantly invents a cookie-based mystery supervillain called the Jangler and leaves Grian a series of tantalizing cookie-based puzzles for enrichment in his enclosure.

Grian has invented a game where you kill people with rockets. Scar volunteers to get murdered. Both of them are delighted.

Scar and Cub’s business empire is incidentally crushing Grian’s startup venture. There is no reason for this to be so flirtatiously charged.

At this point all the hermits move to a new village because of the Minecraft update. Grian starts a who-can-build-the-tallest-house war with Mumbo and Iskall. Scar notices and starts doing the same from the other side of the village.

It quickly gets so wild that Mumbo taps out (Mumbo does not do well with intensity, would rather just not, thankyouverymuch), and it's only Grian, Iskall and Scar.

Scar builds a wild giant plant eating his rocketship, and then a castle in the sky, and an enormous version of himself firing a canon at Grian's house. This is the first time you can really see Grian trying to hold in shrieks when he flies back in to see what Scar has done while he's gone.

Grian’s interest has been caught. He’s gone from barely seeing Scar to checking on him regularly. What’s our good friend Scar up to? What’s Scar done? What is Scar going to do next?

FLIRTING (How To Catch Your Crush’s Interest By Building A Secret Government Facility) – late Season 6

What Scar does next is put on a snazzy military uniform, team up with Doc to steal the time machine Grian invented last week, then, in the most effort someone has EVER gone to to get Grian's attention, spend weeks on end building a fully-functional 'Area 77' military base and containment facility to stop him getting it back.

Turns out this works beyond Scar’s wildest dreams.

Grian INSTANTLY obsessed with breaking into Scar’s base and retrieving his time machine.

Grian persuades Ren into forming a hippie camp with him next to the base and spends weeks entirely fixated on Scar. Meanwhile Scar, who is starting to really understand how to get and keep Grian's attention, builds more and fancier infrastructure to keep Grian out. This is also where Grian really starts looking at Scar's art—the insane cliffs Scar has build around his new hangers—and awkwardly not quite managing words, because it would be very embarrassing to just outright say the word beautiful, and Grian’s a very normal and non-embarrassing person.

In the climax of the season, Grian-the-hippie breaks into General Scar’s base.

Nobody can say that Scar making himself a top brass general and Grian making himself an anti-establishment flower power hippie does not end up with plausibly-deniable not-making-out Grian-provoking-Scar-into-holding-him-against-a-wall.

but.

BUT.

This is Hermitcraft. It’s temporary. Scar and Grian both know it was a bit. A bit they both got super into, sure! But a bit. Not weird at all.

(“Sure, mate, not weird at all,” Mumbo says, after all of this is over. “Then why are you making it SOUND weird Mumbo you’re the WORST”)*

(“Sooo....” Cub says, and Scar says, “I know. I know!”)*

*not canon but you can't tell me it didn't happen off screen

FLIRTING (But What About…) – early Season 7

Okay, so that was weird, but Grian is definitely still in love with Mumbo. The Mumbo pursuit is going great and Mumbo definitely doesn’t look nervous whenever Grian turns up with a new idea. Grian is going to get Mumbo to fall in love with him and they will marry in the spring and have a dozen beautiful children redstone contraptions.

Grian attempts to make it more official with Mumbo. Surely they have been flirting long enough, they are ready for the next stage! This is in no way a reaction to Scar becoming a weird wizard in a way very unsettling to Grian and building the kind of wild organic tangled forest build that Grian is fascinated by but can't even begin to comprehend.

Everything is very under control in Grian's life. He's now official boyfriends with Mumbo. They live together and have a messaging system and everything.

Mumbo announces he’s moving out.

It’s-not-you-it’s-me

You’re… you’re moving out? Grian says, in the smallest possible voice.

We’ll still have the messaging system, Mumbo says, unconvincingly.

FINE, Grian says, I’m moving out TOO.

Mumbo moves out.

Grian deals with this in the healthiest possible way. He invents a mayorship and attempts to give it to Mumbo.

Grian is Mumbo’s self-appointed campaign manager so Mumbo has to be round him ALL THE TIME, it’s for the CAMPAIGN, Mumbo.

Mumbo, a man who doesn’t deal well with pressure or responsibility, is maybe not the ideal choice for mayor, something that has escaped Grian entirely.

Mumbo builds a robot and attempts to palm off all responsibility for decision-making onto it. Grian immediately calls it their son.

Grian puts his moustache all over the server.

NO other hermits support them for mayor (except Scar, from a lost bet, who Grian has continued to have intensely weird flirtations with while all this is happening)

Things reach a fever pitch. Election day arrives. Mumbo doesn’t want this actually but try telling Grian that. The entire MumboGrian edifice that Grian has obsessively and wildly build has reached an unsustainable pitch and finally comes tumbling down around them.

Mumbo votes Scar for mayor.

Grian votes Scar for mayor.

Mumbo disappears for several weeks to do some nice soothing redstone and calm down.

FLIRTING (Civil War) – late Season 7

Everything has calmed down now. Scar is mayor. Mumbo is...somewhere. Grian is going to work on his base normally.

Grian has a new project. He wants to build in the new nether biomes. He builds a huge and echoing and obsessively inverse version of his huge and echoing and obsessively symmetrical mansion base. It's very impressive. It's totally hollow. There's... no one else here.

Grian decides that okay, he is going to bring PEOPLE here.

He invites Mumbo, because he hasn't seen him in weeks. He invites Bdubs, because Grian above all loves genius. And he invites Scar. Because of course. Everything major Grian does now, Scar is an of course.

Bdubs shows up! Generously builds Grian's entire mansion interior. Mumbo shows up. Builds a tiny upside down disco shack.

Scar does not show up.

Scar is being mayor! Scar is a very busy and important man! Scar has spent the last few weeks obsessively replacing every single goddamn mycelium block in the shopping district with beautifully tailored grass and making trees whose flowers are diamonds. He's also got his own megabase going on. For once Scar has so much to do it's even enough for Scar's ambitions, which have never been small.

He does not come when Grian calls.

Grian is Not Happy.

This is the point where Grian starts a steadily more unhinged campaign of leaving Scar invitations. He makes little tailor's dummies of himself and delivers them to Scar's house. He sets up a tea party of three grians in a secret space under Scar's mayoral throne. He hangs himself in effigy on the tip of Scar's megadrill build. Normal behavior.

And then when Scar still doesn't notice, he puts a tiny bit of mycelium back on one of the streets of the shopping district.

This starts… THE MYCELIUM WARS

Scar attempts to contain the growing mycelium patch with warning tape.

Grian spreads more mushroom spores.

Scar brings in his allies to help contain the growing mushroom patches.

Grian digs out an underground rebel HQ, recruits several rebels, and declares himself Motherspore.

Mayor Scar stares into a camera and uses his most velvety baritone to proclaim he will hunt down Grian and the mycelium resistance and bring them to justice.

Grian sets loose mushroom-spreading sheep.

Mayor Scar obsessively searches for his base.

Grian and Impulse build several decoy bases and trap them.

Mayor Scar employs Mumbo to strip-mine every block of the shopping district with redstone tunnel-borers.

Eventually Deputy Mayor Bdubs, having his own thing with rebel Etho, tricks all of the resistance into ender-pearling into jail.

Scar gets to threaten to pour lava on an imprisoned Grian for ten minutes straight and they’re both enjoying this so much.

Grian: Scar! SCAR! Scar Scar Scar no Scar no Scar no listen Scar

Scar: Yes?

Grian: …Let’s take this somewhere else.

They ‘take this’ to Scar’s beautifully-appointed mayoral office. Grian sits on the arm of his chair (I don’t know what to tell you, this is on-screen canon).

Grian: So I know how to end the war.

Grian: We have to play minigames and make personal bets.

Grian: And Scar, Scar, if you lose…

Scar: Yes?

Grian: … you have to help build my base.

Entire room: [stunned silence]

Etho: Is this what it was about the whole time, Grian?

So! That happened. And the thing is, they could both mentally pass off the area 77 general/hippie stuff as Just A Fun Bit That Got Very Intense.

They can't do this with the mayor/motherspore stuff. They are basically making out on Scar’s chair. The resistance have noticed. The mayoral staff have noticed. EVERYONE has noticed.

Scar is into it. Scar is going along with it. Scar knows he’d had a crush for a long time, and he isn't scared of swimming with a huge wave, never mind where it's going to break. Scar has always embraced the rush. With Grian, you never know what’s going to happen next.

Grian has always loved being around Scar because there’s so much going on that you don’t have to think. Grian doesn’t have to think until everything’s calmed down. It's not until now that he stops and realizes… could this be… something.

(Maybe it already is.)

And then, by whatever eldritch mechanic you personally favor:

3rd life begins.

HEAD-OVER-HEELS – Third Life

In the tiny claustrophobic stripped-bare world of Third Life, Grian makes a choice. Grian thinks, for once very, very clearly: what if it wasn't a bit? What if it was real. What if Grian took every explosive piece of who he was and handed it over to someone he's—okay, he'll admit it—someone he's been obsessed with for a long time. What if that heady sparkle he's been seeing in the corner of his vision is true. What happens if you grab it with both hands?

Scar—surprised, bemused, amazed but wrong-footed—almost doesn't know what to DO with this.

Scar is so used to Grian layering all his obsession behind a thick layer of irony and drama and second-guessing and schemes. ‘Sure we can make out but only if I'm trailing mushroom spores and you're wearing that sash.’ ‘I'm only here because Mumbo's not around.’ ‘It’s not a thing.’ ‘It's not real.’

But it is real.

And, for once, Scar hears a tiny alarm go off in his brain. Scar knows Grian better than anyone else does, by now, and even he doesn't know where this ends. Grian is a force of nature and Scar has never been his unfiltered target. But Grian's throwing himself into this, throwing himself at Scar. And Scar always says 'yes.' 'Yes, and.' 'Yes, let's'. Scar never wants less of Grian. Scar has always taken what he can get.

But with that warning bell, Scar does try to keep that slight layer of dramatic distance, even in this new world where you can die and not come back, even if they don't know if they'll get out of this alive. Scar doesn't fully buy into Grian's second-in-command-devotion, he forces a space for Grian to still be the Grian he knows, some kind of safety vent (‘here's a bee on a lead’). And it could be a lot of reasons, but part of it is…Grian's head-over-heels, for once, and Scar has the unfamiliar feeling of needing to be the one to look where they're going.

Because where they're going is: the last two, all their friends dead, not knowing if there's any way to survive but knowing their friends haven't come back, and at that point Scar takes off the very last of his brakes and the very last of his reservations and says:

For everything you've done for me you can kill me.

(I want this. I want it to be you.)

This breaks Grian absolutely and completely.

And not broken in the fun way! Grian is too far in. Grian let go of Mumbo, who was safe because Mumbo never let it get too far, and he took a risk on Scar, and now Grian is discovering that he didn’t even know what risk meant. Grian is in emotional pain he never suspected existed. Grian has let himself put all his gambling chips on someone who wasn't SAFE and he has lost.

Grian has LOST SCAR and he has LOST HIMSELF and he has FOUND OUT HE CAN BE HURT and he is never going to be the fucking same again.

Scar is in the pond with Grian’s sword at his unresisting neck. And Scar is going to die, and Scar (damn him damn him) has turned it into: he's going to die for Grian. Now Grian is hurting, he's complicit, it turns out grief is an inevitable part of love and beauty, this is all it's taken for Grian's worldview to fall apart in pieces he can't pick up, and Grian has no defenses against pain so there's obviously no way to cope except to beat Scar to death in a cactus ring and jump off a cliff.

AFTERMATH – Season 8

They wake up in Hermitcraft.

They wake up in Hermitcraft! Scar is delighted to find out they just reincarnate, after all that!

Sure, they've all got some lingering trauma but Scar has never let that stop him from doing anything. Scar thought that whole thing went well! He just about dares to think...romantic...? Maybe...?

Grian is Normal to him.

Grian is so fucking normal. it's like. s6 normal.

Scar is. kind of. confused.

Grian is NOT acting like someone he had a romantic death match with.

(Grian is falling apart, but if there's one thing Grian has proved in his building it’s that he’s SO. fucking. good. at facades.)

(Don't go round the back.)

Neither of them are ready for the death game to repeat.

DIVORCE (Traumatic) – Last Life, Season 8

Second death game. Grian deals with his trauma super well by isolating Scar, stealing all his friends, tricking a life out of him, dropping his horse in lava, forcing him into an extortion death loop, then abandoning him and—just as a bonus—murdering Mumbo as well.

This time it’s Scar who comes back falling apart.

A theory that seems plausible: Scar’s old friend Cub picks him up, puts him back together, gets him on his feet. What we do know is that Cub moves in next to Boatem, where Scar is still living with Grian, and incidentally builds an enormous dripstone megabiome that is coincidentally very hostile and might murder you upon landing if you're someone who flies a lot, or happens to be a bird.

There’s a hole with an endless dark void between Scar and Grian’s Boatem bases. They built it together. It’s around this time they both keep repeatedly falling in it.

DIVORCE (But When It Was Good It Was So Good) – Season 8, Double Life

Then the moon gets big. Gets close. Gravity breaks down and that should be the end, should be a way out of this terrible spiral they're in, surely they're better without each other—

Grian turns up at Scar's base and says: Scar. Build us an escape pod.

—and Scar does.

They go out together. Both of them can feel the pull back into each other’s orbit but they’ll die if they acknowledge it. At the end of it all, the void, the protective suits, the unbearable gravity of falling into space together, of holding each other until another uncertain end. They're nowhere but they're in it together.

Is this a good time for another death game? Of course. How much worse can it get.

Double Life, and this time Scar keeps his distance. My soulmate is this allay! My soulmate is my cat! I don’t need a soulmate. Oh—it’s Grian? This whole time? Hahaha. How funny.

Grian: Soo… do you want to base together?

Scar: Do we have to?

Grian: It…might be nice…?

Scar is wary.

He has been burned.

But the pull is still there. The pull is always there. You can’t forget Grian, but you can blunt the edge of him on your skin. Scar is here to take care of these cat-pandas. Grian can do what he likes.

Cheated of Scar’s full attention, Grian tries to tempt BigB into a pale imitation of the Scarian folie à deux (BigB is a genuinely nice man who does not deserve this).

The rest of the server turn red, one by one. Grian and Scar are the last greens. BigB is audibly nervous when Grian proposes a red-green alliance, even though BigB is the red, he has the power. But Grian can’t escape the rest of the server, and the red hunt begins.

Grian and Scar, hunted—trapped at the top of flaming towers, jumping from heights, chased down like foxes at bay, crammed into boltholes with their hands over each other’s mouths, Grian shrieks and laughs and falls back on Scar and Scar catches him and they’re both as alive and elated as they’ve ever been. Scar dies once to Ren and BigB’s zombies and Grian murders both BigB and Ren in revenge (BigB was right to be nervous). Grian has another unhinged murder plan underway when he dies for the last time.

This whole time, Grian was hit in the face by remembering that when it's good, it's so good.

Scar isn’t surprised. Scar has known that forever.

Back in Hermitcraft, its not magically fixed. They’re not innocent any more. But every time Grian looks at Scar he remembers: when it’s good, it’s so good.

And Scar never forgot.

DIVORCE (We’re In Love And We’re Not Done Yet) – Season 9, Limited Life

By now we're into Season 9. They’re still alive. They always live, they always start again, and the other one is just there. Being, infuriatingly and magnetically, them.

Grian is thoroughly annoyed by Scar’s new allegiance to King Ren, but he keeps coming back to Scarland anyway. Scar, I made you an obstacle course. Scar, stand here and get squashed by this anvil. Scar if you don’t do something I’m going to start a resistance.

Grian pretends King Ren doesn’t exist and he has more important things to do, and pretends this so hard that he incidentally invents a mad science robot pulls them all through into the Empires dimension.

Scar, assuming Grian is doing his own thing, shacks up with Jimmy.

It takes Grian three weeks to notice and be shriekingly outraged.

Scar we’re doing a project. Scar you can’t spend all your time with Jimmy! Join my cult. Get in my shrinking machine. I made you an enchanted netherite bow. I need your allegiance. (Another real quote).

Scar teases Grian for weeks then instantly abandons Jimmy when the choice comes down to him or Grian.

Fourth death game—they’re used to this, now. Nothing too intense. Nothing too weird. Grian can’t help murdering Scar.

At this point, Scar is starting to read it as: I love you.

And that’s how we get to the current Scarian dynamic we know and love of you're the worst and I'm the worst and we've divorced a few time but we still like each other so fucking much.

It's been years. They've killed each other every possible way. These two characters are in love and they're not done yet.

[cosmic-waves7]

Dazai doesn't say 'I love you'. Not directly at least.

He says it in baked goods from the bakery near the detective agency.

He says it through linking pinkies with you as you walk along the river canals and once again when you have to drag him out of bars by his coat after he's attempted to ask the poor bartender for a glass of bleach.

He says it by keeping you closer to his body when he finally falls asleep in the latest of night and the tulips he tucks behind your ear when you come into the office early in the morning.

In secretive smiles and dragging you by the wrist to whatever mission he's landed himself next.

and most fondly when you hide in the narrowest closets the agency has to offer and Kunikida comes looking to scold you both.

Ranpo always points him in the opposite direction with a bit of bribery from both of you (aka soda)

Dazai doesn't say 'I love you' directly, so you'll have to help him out a bit.

"Belladonna you should have seen it-"

"I love you."

He stops, momentarily startled.

'Must've hallucinated' Dazai thought, his lips quirking up.

He laughs quietly to himself, mouth opening to speak again but you place you palm over his lips.

"No, I know you heard me say it."

He can't ignore you now. His hand brushes your fingers away from his face only to properly interlock them together with his while he looks down, his hair brushing over his eyes and pink dusting his cheeks.

"You're cute bella-"

"Don't deflect."

He sighs.

"I can't even properly confess my love to you without being interrupted." huffing childishly, his thumbs ghost over your tightening knuckles and a smirk overtakes his features.

It's finally time.

You're nervous but he's been waiting for you to confess first anyways.

"I love you too."

Now it's your turn to be surprised, your breath stutters as he looks up, his eyes shining with mirth.

Its gonna be so worth it when Kunikida yells at him for kissing you during work hours.

[2004hitalbumsevenswans]

I really enjoyed Batman: Caped Crusader. I was worried (like everyone else) that Bruce Timm would push his Bruce/Barbara obsession, but they barely interact when Bruce is out of costume, and he’s all business as Batman. Barbara is (presumably) about the same age as Bruce in this adaptation, she’s a young public defender, who still lives at home with her dad. Commissioner Gordon is mentioned to have 30 years on the Gotham police force at one point. And the series is loosely based on Batman: Year One by Frank Miller, and has Matt Reeves as a producer. It’s definitely an interpretation of the early years of Batman.

The setting is vaguely and aesthetically set in the 1940s, mirroring the original Batman and riffing on DC comic stories and character interpretations from that time. Clayface’s story and appearance is based on the original interpretation of the character, which I really enjoyed - especially as someone’s who’s read the first couple years of the original Detective Comics/Batman stories. (There’s also a lot of great references to the Adam West show, and a couple of its themes are reimagined for this more noir story.)

I could see the series setting up something between Bruce and Barbara potentially, but their interactions are really blink-and-you’ll-miss-it. There’s a moment where Bruce’s is climbing back onto the Iceberg Lounge yacht and he uses a pick up line on her, which she scoffs at, then he proceeds to use the line on two other young women. There’s another moment that you could say is pre-flirting, or is at least setting up a foundation to further a relationship between the two. Where Barbara makes a comment about Batman letting himself into her office unannounced whenever he feels like it, and she tells him she needs a way to contact him, and he gives her the Batphone number. At this point I think you could make more of an argument for a Harleen/Barbara pairing than her and Bruce.

I think the characters would both individually need a lot more development to be in a romantic relationship. I’ll say this even though I know it will be an unpopular opinion: in this interpretation I wouldn’t mind putting Bruce and Barbara together. I know that’s practically sacrilege coming from someone who’s favourite character is Oracle but hear me out.

My main issues with Bruce and Barbara together (especially when it comes to Timm’s work) is the age difference. It’s often debated but Barbara in most iterations (including current comic canon) is around the same age as Dick, usually a couple of years older, 2-3 at most. Bruce is depicted as having at least 15 years on her, if not more. And most stories that have Bruce and Barbara together also fixate on her being batgirl. Then there’s the tendency to make a Nightwing-Batgirl-Batman love triangle which I don’t want to get into but I hate completely.

None of that is happening here. Barbara has her own storylines that are just as prominent as Bruce and Harvey’s. She’s an adult with agency and flaws and is just as fleshed out as any of the other characters are. I wouldn’t be surprised if the show takes a season or two to develop a romantic relationship between the two of them. Bruce is completely focused on being Batman and sees Bruce Wayne as a persona. He’s callous with peoples feelings (Harvey, notably) and is shown to struggle with smaller acts of empathy, opening himself up to people, and honestly, social skills. The last of which doesnt doesn’t affect him too negatively because he’s a rich and well known man in Gotham.

Compared to the Bruce Wayne of BTAS it was a smart choice to show a Bruce/Batman who struggles with people and emotions. It reminded me a lot of Reeves’ the Batman. In wider Batman media you usually see two types of depictions: a compassionate Batman (which is where I would place BTAS) or a more emotionless, be-stoic-and-punch-the-bad-guys-and-look-badass version that is usually just a male power fantasy.

This version of Batman sets up the foundation for a storyline that is relatively unexplored, and I’m sure they’re going to explore it more in the next season (which has already been greenlit).

I was surprised at the lack of adult themes in the show, it was marketed for an adult audience but could easily fit into a PG13 rating, but that was probably on purpose. I was impressed they managed to have so many strong, fleshed out storylines in only 10, 30 minute episodes. But I wouldn’t expect anything less of Bruce Timm, or some of the other names I recognized attached to the project in various ways (Greg Rucka, JJ Abrams, Matt Reeves, and Ed Brubaker).

While there are a lot of critiques of Timm I agree with, I generally enjoy his work and the care he puts into it. I love Greg Rucka and was really excited to see that he wrote the episode that was more Renee Montoya centric. And while I have my issues with Ed Brubaker, I do enjoy his work.

While the series is visually and technologically based around the 1940s, the politics are more modern. Harleen asks Renee out on a date and she talks about it with Barbara openly. I saw one review call the show “race blind” which I would not agree with. Most of the racism is implied through euphemism (the scene with Lucius Fox and Gentleman ghost), but it’s still felt as a point of friction for multiple characters, it affects how they interact with the world around them. There’s also a line spoken by either detective Flass or Bullock that implies no one in the GCPD wants to follow Renee because she’s gay. It’s cut off before the last word, but again, the meaning is implied.

An issue I always had with the Timmverse is its depictions of female characters. They always feel less real than their male counterparts, less important and less visually stylized. All the important (read: desirable) women have the same body shape. They’re thin and extremely, unnaturally curvy. I’m aware that these characters are supposed to evoke that 50s comic pinup imagery but I always thought it was a bit much. Male characters - even before the animation downgrade in BTAS season 4 - were always way more unique from each other than the female characters. That wasn’t something I felt with Caped Crusader. The three most prominent female characters (Barbara, Renee and Harleen) were all different from each other, with different heights, body shapes, hair and clothing styles. They also all had 3 distinct personalities that were built up through the series. I would argue that the show was as much about the “supporting cast” (characters like Harvey, Commissioner Gordon, Renee and Barbara) as it was about Batman.

Overall I was really impressed by the show. I was disappointed with how short it was. I hope that Renee’s personal life gets a focus with the next season, and I hope they bring back Greg Rucka to write it. I love how he wrote her in Gotham Central. I was a little annoyed that they introduced the Joker at the end of the series (as a peak into the next season). I think he’s too over saturated as a character, and sometimes his introduction into a Batman story takes over everything else, and he’s depicted as Batman’s Moriarty. I do have hope that this won’t happen in Caped Crusader, because it seems that villains will be reoccurring, but there’ll be a large cast, just like in BTAS. That aspect did remind me of the way characters were introduced in those early Batman comics, it really has the same vibe. I also really really do not want Harley to be involved with the Joker in any way. Please keep her as a separate character, this new interpretation of her is great as is, he doesn’t need to be involved.

I would also be interested to see if the show develops Barbara’s character into Oracle. I could see that happening with the introduction of the Joker at the end of season one. Maybe they’re going to rework the Killing Joke? I couldn’t see them having her as batgirl, but I would be interested to see how they worked Oracle into a world with 1940s technology. I’m thinking back to her as Oracle in the Doom that Came to Gotham, and how clever that was. I’m sure they could do something just as interesting with her here. Something more supernatural feels like a long shot, because Timm usually sticks to the more “realistic”, street-level versions of Batman, but they did introduce Gentleman Ghost. So it’s a possibility.

One thing I did think could have been better was some of the voice work. Not the voice acting itself, but the design. It felt too polished alongside the score and the animation. I wish the voice acting had been more atmospheric, had more depth. It felt too clean. Hamish Linklater was great as Bruce/Batman. Following Kevin Conroy is no small feat, and Linklater’s performance felt reminiscent of Conroy without sounding like an impression. It was quiet and unassuming, yet strong.

I’m not usually someone who watches things more than once, but I’m definitely going to be rewatching Caped Crusader soon.

[dont-offend-the-bees]

If the Shoe Fits, Then I Won’t Try It On

Omg I made it! Threw this one together today, so might not be my best! But thanks to my pal @every-moment-a-different-sound making these gorgeous gifs for my fic Outside Looking In, and also @wordsinhaled writing this lovely little fic inspired by it, I felt compelled to pop back in and give the disguise altar egos a little love! So this one is set pre-canon, about seven years into the boys' friendship/detective agency, and it's the first outing of the disguises (in their very early and imperfect forms! I like to think Charles has been experimenting over the years and the ones we've seen in show are just like, the latest versions!). It can really only be called case fic by the barest technicality but it's the best I got xD There's some nebulous Edwin gender-feelings, I'll leave it up to your personal preferences/interpretation whether it's a bit of transfem/nonbinary/genderqueer joy or just a boy's formative experience with drag, this baby can fit so much gender!! And references to fictionalised alcohol abuse, gambling and infidelity, but it's all just banter and tall tales, really. 2k, T-rated, also available on Ao3. Thanks again, @painlandweek!

"Perhaps we ought to rethink this strategy," Edwin muttered, fussing with his skirts.

"Relax, it'll be fine," said Charles. "No one's gonna suspect anything."

"They may suspect something," said Edwin. His voice sounded different, but the tone was one Charles had heard a thousand times before — pessimistic and haughty. Edwin seemed to pick up extra helpings of poshness when he was rattled. "They needn’t ascertain the exact nature of our ruse to know we're playing one."

"What? You think they're gonna be expecting someone to go in for fake marriage counselling?" Charles laughed.

"Stranger things have happened, Charles." Edwin spread his hand and swept it, gesturing between them and their magical disguises. "Q.E.D."

Charles looked at him blankly.

"Quod erat demonstrandum."

"Mate. They haven't taught Latin in that school for donkey's years."

Edwin made a noise of frustration — it had a bit of a high pitched, trilling quality with his fancy new vocal chords. "What I mean to say is that you and I are — figuratively speaking — living proof that real life is stranger than fiction."

"Well, yeah. But only to people who know ghosts exist," Charles reasoned. "And if this lady knew that, our client wouldn't've needed to come to us, would she? She'd've haunted the information out of her already."

Edwin exhaled, a quick, nasal huff like a bull, and pinched the bridge of his nose. His fingers bumped the chunky plastic frames of his enchanted glasses. "Pity. If she could see us, there'd be no need of these ridiculous costumes."

"I think we look brills," Charles beamed, proudly straightening out his big red rain mac. Sure, the disguises weren't perfect — he was still getting the hang of tweaking the enchantment. And yeah, he'd ballsed up his own bald spot at first, made it too big and just a little bit sort of... Australia-shaped. But all in all, he thought they looked mint! No one was gonna suspect them of anything, couple of old geezers. Who'd think they were a crack detective team?

Edwin was obviously having a harder time settling into character. He kept on faffing about with his unfamiliar layers of flowy clothing. Kept tugging on his little blue cashmere scarf, changing his mind on the drape of it — getting thrown whenever a tug of the fabric dislodged the waves of hair on his shoulders. Charles really hadn't got the hang of hair, just yet. He'd been aiming for something a bit classic and classy for Edwin, something honey-blonde and neatly coiffed. Instead he'd ended up with straw-like, brittle strands of peroxide white with... maybe just a hint of green. Charles would have to get that sorted out sharpish before they brought these disguises out again. Edwin would never let himself walk around looking less than his best if he had any say in it!

Charles turned to him, properly, grabbing Edwin's restless hands away from his scarf. "Eds. You look fine. Nice, even! Leave it."

Edwin glared at him, brow wrinkled. If Charles was being honest, the weirdest thing about seeing Edwin like this wasn't the fact that he looked blonder or older or, well. Like a woman. No, weirdest thing by far was how much thinner his eyebrows were. Charles had probably made them a bit too thin, he'd have to fix that, too. They were decent eyebrows! Visible, at least. But they were skinny and pale and neatly plucked, no little dusty dark hairs in between. Charles sort of missed them. He'd gotten used to those thick, dark brows scrunching up at him like grumpy caterpillars when Edwin was ticked off about something.

"It hardly matters if I look nice, Charles," he said, with a little belligerent flick of his hair that sent it flying. Charles probably should've made him a hairband or something — all long and loose, Edwin couldn't seem to get his hair off his mind. "But I do need to look convincing."

"You do! It's a good disguise, mate — made it special, didn't I?"

"I never said it wasn't." Edwin sighed, eyes fluttering closed a moment. Charles winced — maybe he'd overdone it a bit with the eyeshadow. There was a bit of colour-clashing going on, but hey-ho. Sort that in the next edit, too. "I am not concerned with the quality of the work, Charles."

"What is it, then?" asked Charles, dropping Edwin's hands to squeeze his shoulders instead. "What's got you all het up?"

Edwin shifted on his feet. His high heels clicked on the concrete porch. "I am merely concerned that I'm not... wearing it well," he said, a little bit through his teeth. "I don't want to compromise the entire investigation because I'm unable to act in a... befitting manner."

"Well, you're not gonna. Mate, you're doing brills." Charles smoothed down the big, floppy collar on Edwin's trenchcoat — he tried to do a Casablanca thing, but he might've gone a bit overboard — and grinned at him. "You're a natural. The way you stand all straight and that. Christ, you could've been walking in them heels for years! You're smashing it. For reals."

Edwin ducked his head, with the smallest smile. It was so Edwin that Charles could almost see the shape of him through the disguise; high, sharp bones under those rouged apple cheeks. Could almost spy that little spot on his chin. Actually, the chin wasn't a million miles off Edwin's own, with that barely noticeable little dimple in the middle. Maybe Charles had been taking some inspiration, subconsciously.

"I don't come across... peculiar?" asked Edwin.

"No. 'Course not." Charles sighed and patted his shoulders. "But look. If it's too weird for you, I can be the girl."

Edwin's brow twitched.

Alright. So maybe Charles could've worded that better. He coughed and took a step back, shoving hands in his pockets. "I mean, y'know. Bet I can manage it. How hard can it be? Probably won't be as like, chic as you, but I could give it a go."

Edwin pursed his lips, looking off to the side. He was fiddling with the rings on his fingers — maybe Charles had overdone them too, a bit.

"It... doesn't feel strange," said Edwin, quiet as a mouse. He couldn't seem to look Charles in the eyes. "It doesn't feel strange at all."

Charles smiled, all warm in the chest. Edwin had been a closed-off, buttoned-up sort of chap as long as Charles had known him — seven years and counting. Every time he offered up something of himself, Charles wanted to cup it in his hands.

"Oi," he said, gently, waiting for Edwin to look at him. "Suits you, mate."

Edwin smiled again, a barely-there twitch of his tinted lips. But he gathered himself quickly, clearing his throat and adjusting his scarf. "Well. We'd best be be getting on. We're due for our 'appointment' any minute now."

"Right."

"Shall we walk through the plan once more?"

"Go in, introduce ourselves, spin a backstory for a bit, make her think we're legit," said Charles. "Angle for a bit of one-on-one time. I keep talking, see if I can get her to slip up, drop us a hint — while you sneak off, search the office."

"Spot on," said Edwin, with a brisk nod. "According to our client, this woman writes down everything. No doubt she stores her more sensitive journals somewhere apart from the rest, somewhere discreet. Find the journals..."

"Find the body," Charles agreed, tilting his head side to side to crack his neck. "She'll have written down what she did with it for sure."

"Precisely. Right. That's the aim." Edwin steepled his fingers. "And we are...?"

"Edie and Colin Cromley," Charles replied, automatic. He should bloody well hope he knew that one — he'd had to put up with Edwin calling him Colin all night, trying to get him into character.

"Correct. And we are here because of discord in our marriage, resulting in my alcohol dependence and your extramarital affair."

Charles frowned. "Right..."

Edwin cocked his head a little. "Is there a problem?"

"You, uh. You ever actually been drunk before, mate?"

"Not as such, no," said Edwin, primly. "But, as we've quite thoroughly ascertained, I've never been a woman before, either."

Charles snorted. "Yeah, yeah. Fair point."

Edwin's manicured finger hovered over the doorbell. "Right. Are we quite ready?"

"Yeah," Charles mumbled, fidgeting on his feet. "Yeah, s'pose."

Slowly, Edwin lowered his hand. "Charles. We must be on the same page if we're to go inside and sell a convincing fiction."

"Just... feels a bit weird, is all."

"Why? You've always enjoyed undercover work in the past."

Charles shrugged. "Just... feels off. I wouldn't do that to you, y'know? Cheat, I mean. If we were married."

Edwin stared at him. "But we're... not married."

"Yeah, obviously." Charles felt all hot in the face, embarrassed. He should've just kept his big mouth shut. "Just saying, like — I wouldn't mess around on you like that. Or anyone," he added, quickly, because he was making things weird again, fuck's sake —

"Charles," said Edwin, amused. "Are you having ethical qualms about the character you're playing in this scenario?"

And alright, yeah. It sounded bloody ridiculous when you put it like that. Charles huffed out a laugh. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Just — it's hard, yeah? Dunno how I'd even pretend I'd screw you around like that."

Edwin hummed, toying thoughtfully with the dangly end of his scarf. "Perhaps... I could play the unfaithful partner?"

"You want to?"

"... No. No, not particularly." He pressed his fists together. "Hm. Perhaps infidelity is the wrong narrative for Mr. and Mrs. Cromley."

"Not believable, is it?"

Edwin chuckled. "No. No, I suppose not. Hm. Back to the drawing board..."

Charles mulled it over, tugging on his earlobe. "How about... right, okay, how about, yeah, if I have a secret gambling problem?"

"That does feel more authentic — we've had plenty of words about your impulsive decision-making," Edwin teased. He nodded, eyes sharp as he formulated the new story in that big brain of his. "Very well, a gambling problem is it. You've been losing money at the races —"

"Reckon I'm more of a footie bloke. Big bets on the big games."

"You've been losing money at various sporting events," Edwin corrected, rolling his eyes. "And the extent of your debt has recently come to my attention."

"You should see how much I lost on the cricket world cup," said Charles, seriously.

"Oh, believe you me, I did. Hence, marriage counselling."

"And boozing."

"Indeed. I knew the problem needed addressing a month ago," said Edwin, fingers gesticulating as he spun his little yarn. "When I visited our local public house for a consolatory tipple and became positively sozzled on sherry."

Charles chuckled. "Sure you wanna go with sherry?"

"Is it not appropriate?"

"I mean. It's fine," said Charles, raising his hands. "Nothing wrong with it! Just doesn't sound like your usual sort of, uh, blackout drunk sort of booze. Never heard of anyone going on a sherry bender."

"Well, what would be your suggestion?" Edwin challenged.

Charles wasn't actually sure, come to think of it. What did middle-aged classy ladies drink to get sloshed? "Um... well. Me and the lads used to get pissed on White Lightning after school."

"Very well, then. I overindulged on White Lightning. Happy?"

"Aces."

"Right. Well, now that's all straightened out..." Edwin lifted his finger to the bell again. "Shall we?"

"Go for it."

Edwin rang the bell — and when he dropped his hand, Charles picked it up. Edwin looked at him, quizzical.

"What?" said Charles. "Meant to be a couple, in't we?"

"One in the throes of marital strife," said Edwin, a little smile on his lips. "I doubt we'll be expected to be affectionate."

"Right. 'Course not," Charles agreed — but he didn't let go.

Edwin chuckled, and stayed put. His hand felt small, smaller than it ever had the few times Charles had held it — usually when he was hauling Edwin out of harm's way. Small and bony, lined with soft wrinkles, dotted in sun spots. Couldn't be much further from Edwin's long, lean, smooth hands if it tried.

But it fit in Charles' hand just the same.

~~

Hope you liked it! Probs won't be one tomorrow unless I can whip up something suuuuper short/quick or I find an existing WIP to polish off, but there'll defo be fic on Sunday! Thank you so much for all your love and comments I seriously appreciate them beyond words 💛💛💛💛💛💛

[read-write-thrive]

Hospitals had never been the favorite location of either of the Dead Boy Detectives, and they usually refrained from even approaching the premises when at all possible. In the early days of the agency, it was too risky— too many dying or newly dead individuals meant Death was nearly impossible to escape, after all. Even now, with an expanded agency under the influence of the Night Nurse, and as such without immediate risk of hell if they strayed too close to Death, they still tried to avoid hospitals out of habit and for the comfort of all involved—the boys never knew when someone might see them (and it never stopped stinging when someone suddenly did) and it wasn’t exactly easy for the girls to just walk into a hospital without rousing suspicion. It was easier in some ways, these years later, now that the girls were adults and less likely to be seen as truants, but that newfound freedom did not bring with it any sudden desire to see what they were missing behind hospital doors.

All this caution and hesitation was ignored when Charles tapped on the mirror to check on his parents and was met with an unexpected chaos. A heart attack, from what the paramedics were saying as they wheeled the old man out on a stretcher, Charles’s mother and their neighbor following behind in her car. Charles didn’t witness the incident itself, pure luck on the timing, but the aftermath was a flurry of commotion that left him reeling.

He wandered back to the main space of their headquarters (a bigger place than what it once was, courtesy of the girls’ tiring of the boys being unreachable during a crisis or two and deciding to go all in on a shared flat) in a daze. Charles didn’t hide his checking in on his parents anymore, but still preferred to do it alone. Thankfully, his friends were kind, wonderful people who were happy to leave him to it. Said wonderful friends, however, were also quick to notice something wrong.

“Charles?” Edwin, naturally, was the first to notice Charles’s return and immediately put his book aside.

The girls, engrossed in a new show on the other side of their living room, snapped up in their own ways.

“What’s wrong?”

“What happened?”

Charles swallowed down the mixture of emotions threatening to drown him, “It’s my dad, he’s had a heart attack.” He screwed his face up in an attempt to stop the tears that threatened to spill out. Why was he crying? The bastard made his life miserable—

“Good.” Crystal was the first to comment. Niko slapped at her arm. Crystal put her hands up, “What? He was awful!”

“It’s still his dad!” Niko protested, “You can’t just say that!”

Charles tuned out their bickering. Everything felt a little tuned out, actually. And then Edwin was in front of him, hands on his shoulders.

“-love? Charles?”

“Hmm?” Charles tried to silence his whirring emotions.

“Are you alright?”

The Charles of even several years ago would have been quick to brush it all off with a smile. But he’d grown since then.

“Honestly? Not sure. Is that bad? Crystal’s right, he was a dick.”

“And Niko makes a very good point as well. He’s still your father.”

The tears were back again. Edwin pulled him in for a hug before Charles could say another word.

The girls had also quieted, alternating between watching the exchange and speaking through meaningful glances.

Niko was the one to break it, “Did you want to see him?”

The very idea shocked Charles, going rigid in Edwin’s arms.

“He might not even be dying, and going to a hospital is recipe for trouble—“ Charles responded slowly, as if waiting for someone to agree with him and take the weight of the decision off of him.

“I mean, a heart attack is probably close enough to death even if it doesn’t get him.” Crystal contributed.

“And our avoidance of hospitals doesn’t matter if you’d like to go see him. The Night Nurse’s lone positive trait is her protection from Death’s clutches, after all.” Edwin said into Charles’s curls.

“I-“ Charles gave himself a breath, “I wouldn’t even know what to say.”

“We don’t have to.” Crystal said softly.

“Yeah, we can just have our movie night and distract you, or if you want to talk to us but not go see him…” Niko backed her girlfriend up, trailing off into the silence.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” Edwin echoed, sighing, “But I don’t want you to regret anything, either.”

“That’s true, it might be good for closure…” Niko chimes in once again, positive in the face of it all and determined to see Charles cheered up as well.

“Fuck that. You don’t owe him closure. If you don’t want to go, then don’t go.” Crystal’s anger was not what it once was, but she had her moments, particularly when abusers were the topic of discussion. Thankfully she seemed determined to keep her composure.

“Your call, Charles.” Edwin said, pulling away from the embrace but not letting Charles go just yet. He obviously had more to say, if the turn of his mouth was any indication, but he was all softness regardless.

“Could be my last chance, innit?” Charles said lowly, obviously not thrilled at the prospect, “If the bastard goes…”

Edwin’s face shifted, and Charles knew he’d guessed Edwin’s unspoken comment correctly. Still, Edwin’s tone and posture were the same, “No one expects it of you. And we’ll support you regardless of what you decide.”

Charles had a distant feeling of pride that Edwin had gotten better at this sort of thing. He’d tell him that another time. Once this was all over and the world made sense again.

After a moment of reflection, Charles sighed, “I think I’d like to go. Might help me heal or closure or whatever, yeah?”

The girls were up, pulling on their coats and shoes without a second thought. Charles felt monumentally lucky to have them.

Including the boy who held him still, voice low and meeting his eyes, “Do you want all of us with you? We can stay behind if you’d rather do this alone.”

Charles shook his head with his same sad smile, “I don’t want to think what might happen if I do all this alone, mate. Though you’ll have to forgive me if I lose my cool.”

Edwin clearly saw through the attempt at a joking diversion but smiled regardless, “Very well. Do you know which hospital we’re visiting?”

“I’m not sure, but it’s probably closest to their place, yeah?” Charles guessed, scrambling his thoughts trying to remember which hospital he’d been taken to when he’d broken his arm as a kid. It was so long ago, and so much had happened since…

Edwin once again shook him out of his thoughts, “Some investigation is in order, then. Niko? Crystal?”

“On it!” Niko chirped, already deep into her phone, Crystal close behind.

After some internet sleuthing, the girls had acquired the address of the nearest hospital to the Rowland family home and were taking the long way there while the boys readied themselves in front of the mirror.

“Are you ready?” Edwin double checked, hand outstretched.

Charles shook himself, “Not sure I’d ever be, love, but let’s get on with it.”

Edwin pulled him in for a quick kiss on the cheek, a sincere smile, and then through the mirror they went.

—-

They stepped out of a mirror in one of the many bathrooms in the hospital complex, disoriented by the amount of beings (alive and dead alike) as they tried to navigate the halls. The A&E department was the worst, with traumatic deaths creating a perpetual plethora of ghosts. Of course, this was also the first place they needed to check.

The boys held hands tightly as they went, both wound tight by the noise and the blood and the general atmosphere of the place. It was far from the most dangerous place they’d been in their decades together, but that brought little comfort in the face of it all.

Phasing through the various doors and curtains, it was ultimately clear that if Charles’s father was in this hospital, he’d been moved elsewhere. They split momentarily, with Edwin going to find a map of the hospital while Charles waited at the nurse’s station to see if he could get any leads on his family.

It soon became clear that there was simply too much going on for Charles to glean any real information, and he was ready to give up and find Edwin when the next phone call to the desk came from a familiar phone number and gave way to a familiar voice. Niko’s voice was clear on the other end, and just loud enough for Charles to overhear. The nurse gave the information with little questioning, informing all involved that Mr. Rowland had just been moved to a private room on a different floor. Charles didn’t stick around to listen to what exact department the man was in, or what the prognosis was—as soon as he knew the number he was off to find Edwin.

It was quieter in this department. Less urgent. Which meant something significant that Charles was pointedly not thinking about, less that send him into another tailspin. Thankfully Edwin’s presence was grounding beside him.

A nurse left the room as they found it, giving a glimpse through the doorway. Charles’s mother sat at his father’s bedside, accompanying neighbor at her side. They couldn’t see his father (or his father’s ghost for that matter) from their vantage point.

Edwin gave one last squeeze of Charles’s hand to get his attention, “I can give you a moment alone if you’d like.”

“Don’t you dare.” Charles tried to joke, but his voice didn’t seem to cooperate. Edwin’s eyes saddened, but he gave a firm nod and gestured for Charles to take the lead.

The man of the hour looked frail against the white sheets. He was awake, but by the look of his eyes he was definitely on his way out. There was a bulky mask over his nose and mouth, IV in his arm, heart monitor dragging along beside him. Charles's mother sat quietly, holding his hand between two frail ones of her own.

Charles didn't think his emotions could get any more complicated, and then his father's eyes found him. Then Edwin. Then back to him. He rasped behind the mask, Charles's mother shushing him gently.

"Hi dad." Charles sighed more than said, standing awkwardly at the foot of his bed and gripping Edwin's hand so hard he wouldn't be surprised if he managed to hurt him despite all the ghost technicalities.

Another rasp, this time accompanied by a frail hand gesturing towards the boys. Charles nearly slumped in relief when his mother glanced their way but returned to murmuring to her husband rather than reel back in shock. She had some time left, at least. His father, however, continued to try to speak.

Seeing his mother's distress, Charles felt himself snap into his protective mindset without thought, snarking, "Just give it up, mate. They can't see us—you're the only one dying here, so only you get the honour. Trust me, I'd rather talk to mum than you any day, but I cant say I'm too torn up about you going first. Maybe she'll get to have some happy years without you."

The man thankfully stopped his rasping, but his eyes emoted enough that Charles knew he heard him. It gave him the confidence to keep going, never quite sure what his next word was going to be but glad to say it anyway.

"Not that you asked, but I've been having a great time these last thirty, forty years. Yeah my death was awful, don't get me wrong. Kinda wish you got even a taste of that, for all the shit you put me through… Actually, do heart attacks hurt?" He turned his question towards Edwin, who had such a complicated expression that Charles immediately decided that the question wasn't that important, "Doesn't matter now, I guess. But yeah, my afterlife has honestly been better than my life ever was. Not only do I not have to deal with your bullshit, but I've also found people who actually care about me.

"Like this, right here, is Edwin," Charles swung their held hands upwards in an attempt at a wave, earning a slightly hysterical chuckle from Edwin, "He found me dying in that attic, showed me kindness as I died, and I've been by his side ever since. He's the best thing that ever happened to me—"

Charles took a breath as his voice cracked, Edwin's hand squeezing his in silent support. Charles didn't look over to try and keep it together a bit longer.

"He's the love of my—well, love of my afterlife. And I know you’d hate that, or at least hated all that when I was alive. I remember your rants about how all those people dying deserved it. Shouting at the telly like they personally offended you just by existing. Do you still think like that, all these years later? Hell, now here you are, dying on a hospital bed while your queer son laughs at you. What a twist!" Charles laughs, but it doesn't sound right even to himself. He, once again, pointedly doesn't look at Edwin. Looking at Edwin means dropping the brave face, and he's got a few more things to say first.

“You know, you’ll think this is weak or whatever, but I checked in on you and mum over the years. Neither of you could see me, and I never stuck around long, but I wanted—no, I needed to see. If I was the only one you beat, if you’d turn to mum now that I was gone. If you felt any remorse when I died. I’m not sure what I would’ve done if I’d seen you raise your hand to her. Probably taken up Edwin here’s offer to haunt the shit out of you.”

“I never—“

“Not in those words, love, I know, I know. But you meant it like that and you know it. Anyway, thankfully I never saw it. And she didn’t cower like I did, or hide any bruises, so I figured you were safe there. As for remorse, well, never really saw that either. I was bitter and angry those first few years over that. Thankfully Edwin here kept me busy. And now I can’t really be arsed, especially now that you’re dying and I can’t find much remorse either. Angry it took you so long, maybe.”

Charles once again looked at his mother, at the tears on her cheeks and her face turned in silent prayer.

“Even if you never beat her, I still wish you’d given her more time without you. Did you ever visit her family? You shot it down every time she even hinted at it when I was alive. And she’d smile and move on like it didn’t hurt her to hear that the man she married hated her family that much. You know, I used to promise her that I would take her to see them again. I’d tell her that once I was grown up we’d run away and live in India where you wouldn’t care enough to chase after us. She’d swat me for that. Disrespecting you. It always came back to you. Which is just how you wanted it, right? The whole world revolving around you? So fucking glad I got out of there. I shouldn’t have had to die for that, but whatever. It let me live free of you. And soon enough I won’t have to worry about you at all.”

Shoes squeaked obnoxiously right outside the door. Charles glanced up just in time to see Niko giving him a thumbs up as Crystal pulled her away from the glass. Turning back, he was glad to see his mother hadn’t turned away from her husband. No need to confuse her or get the girls in trouble.

Charles sighed and turned back to his father, “Not really sure what else to say here. Edwin? Any ideas?”

Edwin thankfully took the playful question as seriously as Charles meant it, “Hmm. You could tell him about hell if you’d like to be especially vindictive. Or take the moral high ground and forgive him for all he did to you. Crystal and I would also be happy to curse him for all he did if you’d like. Literally or figuratively.”

Charles genuinely laughed at how his father’s eyes widened, “While that sounds tempting, he’s already on his way out. All we’d do is freak out my mum.”

Edwin gave him a soft smile, “Of course. Just a suggestion.”

He returned the smile and squeezed his hand in thanks before turning back to his father, “Right. Well dad, I’m glad I caught you before Death did. I won’t speak to hell or anything, don’t want to jinx it, but I hope you get what you deserve. I’m not going to stick around to find out. And I won’t forgive you, either. You were a right bastard and I still struggle with getting you out of my head even after literally dying. So you don’t deserve my forgiveness, honestly. I’ll keep an eye on mum, but that’s for her and my sake, not for yours. Probably won’t go to your funeral or any of that, either. I’ll be a little mad if they bury you next to me, but those are just bones by now so I guess it doesn’t really matter. Yeah. I think that’s it. No forgiveness, no love, just hope you get what you deserve and that I never have to see you again. That about sums it up.”

Edwin squeezed his hand again, drawing his attention, and speaking softly, “Does that mean you’d like to go? We can wait if you want to be sure.”

Charles once again felt overwhelmed with it all, particularly with how lucky he was to have Edwin. He didn’t want to start crying here, so he just nodded and pulled Edwin with him out of the room.

“How’d it go?” Crystal asked from her seat in the hall chair, Niko nodding next to her.

“He’s dying alright. Gave him a piece of my mind. But I’m ready to never think about him again, honestly.” Charles tried to make light of it, but it was clear none of them bought it. He blinked up towards the ceiling to keep the tears away just a bit longer.

“Once we get back to the apartment, expect plenty of hugs from us.” Niko informed him, eyes glancing down the hall at the others down the way.

Charles smiled, “Noted. Sorry to make you come all the way out here, guys.”

“Nope, none of that—“ Crystal started, but was cut off by nurses suddenly rushing towards the room, obvious some alarm or something had been pulled. The girls stood in a rush to get out of the way.

“We’ll see you back at the apartment!” Niko called back to the boys as they took their leave.

Edwin held his arm out, the way he did when he wanted Charles to feel especially cherished, “Shall we?”

Charles turned very purposefully away from the door and took the offered arm with a thankful smile. He would need to have a proper cry and rant and rave about all of this later, he was sure. He’d come to learn that all those complicated emotions don’t just go away when you ignore them. But, for now, he was happy to hold onto his partner and get the bloody hell out of this hospital.

~

EDIT: now with part 2 !!

[coffeeailee]

hey miss ailee! nice blog you have here ^^

anywho, may i request your general headcanons for ranpo x reader? please tell me if you require more info! thank you and have fun writing! <3

happy sugary love.

chars . Edogawa ranpo x GN! Reader

fandom . bungo stray dogs

romance / fluff ? . romance

warning . cringe, that's it. cringe.

When you fall in love with ranpo, he can immediately tell the way your eyes look at him, it's already enough for him to know how you feel about him. Yet, he doesn't say anything about it, he was quite unsure what to say about you...

As you develop your feelings more, Ranpo eventually starts to develop feelings for you as well. If you're observant enough, it's pretty obvious by him sharing his snacks with you and pretty much more, everyone in the armed detective agency can see that both of you are clearly in love with each other, even the oblivious one can tell. It was really obvious.

If you ever wanted to find someone to solve a mission along with you, Ranpo WOULD immediately jump and give you a thousand reasons why he's the best person to go on a mission along with you, if you however did reject his offer ... He wouldn't really be happy, and was going to have a pouty face all day while sitting on his chair and looked even more annoyed when someone called for him.

If you did accept, you wouldn't be the one who's doing your mission. He will be the one who's doing your mission instead, Even if you insist he actually genuinely gives zero shit. He doesn't want you to be tired at all! Why bother being tired when the world's greatest detective is here by your side?

Anyways, usually after you two finished the mission. Ranpo would force make you go to a candy store with him to share the candy together!, and perhaps an ice cream would work too... Whatever, he just wants to eat something sweet along with you by his side. That's the perfect reward for the world's greatest detective.

After a while, you finally confessed to ranpo !, gosh ranpo was really disappointed you didn't confess early enough, but it's okay. He forgives you since he likes you as well! you two would start to be assigned to the same mission so you two could always be together no matter what, ranpo was the one who requested it, as long you're with him, he'll do whatever fukuzawa told him to do.

he would show you different snacks that you've never tried before and smile brightly as he shows you each different snacks you've never seen or try, not only does he get to eat snacks, he also gets to eat snacks with you!

Overall, your date is usually going to a store that has sweets or eat snacks in the park, or maybe going to a festival if there happens to have one. Ranpo is definitely the best person if you happen to like sweets as well, plus he's the one who's going to do YOUR mission! not you!, you wouldn't be tired as long as the world's greatest detective is here by your side!

note I : It feels really weird writing this, i wanted to add more but I ran out of ideas .. i apologize if it's really short. I was actually hesitant to post this one... But I managed to force myself to post this publicly. I also think I added too much bold onto the text.. sorry I'm obsessed with the bold on the font 😔

[iid-smile]

flufftober — kunikida doppo

early curfew

synopsis: you're sick, and you're sick of your boyfriend neglecting you for his job! you appreciate the loyalty and sense of responsibility, but three days in a row of overtime is too much. you're more than willing to take great measures to get him to come home.

a/n: i literally thought i had this queued but it wasnt???? pretend i posted this yesterday ☺️ anywayz not my best work tbh... i wish it was longer but i havent watched bsd in a while

word count: 600+

it's a few minutes past midnight and you can't sleep. not to be picking up on kunikida's weird habits, but he's exactly two hours, fourteen minutes and seven— eight seconds late. that's without all of the extra time he spends packing away his papers and locking drawers.

what's worse is, he was supposed to help you take some medicine and feed you soup, and he's not here to do it. every time you called him, it hasn't gone through, which is less than ideal right now. you haven't gotten a wink of shuteye, every bone in your body feels numb and sore at the same time, and your nose is running like crazy.

nope. he's not getting away with this.

with only a spare blanket as protection, you step into your slippers by the bed and tiptoe towards the front door. the rain was quite heavy outside, but the detective agency was only across the street.

it's cold, freezing cold, but you can bare with it. quietly slipping through the front door, you make your way upstairs and peek your head through what you assume to be the office. your answer is correct, kunikida in clear view sitting at his desk, typing away at his computer. committed and hardworking to a concerning extent; you hate it.

"baby..?" your slippers patter against the floor.

"darling?" he lifts onto his feet, approaching you. "why're you out here? you should be—"

"you should be at home."

he can't even argue with that. yes, what you're doing is reckless, but he's only got himself to blame for being the cause of it.

"sorry. just... let me lock everything up, okay?" as soon as he finished talking, he shuts off his computer and shoves all of his documents away, fishing out his keys from his pocket.

not that you should, but now you feel a little guilty for cutting his work short like that. you can tell he's been a little more stressed than usual from a random surge in cases, and only more is being added on to the pile.

you silently watch him move around the room, the quiet jingle of his keys and the rain tapping against the window being the only sound in the room. "where's your coat?" he speaks without looking at you.

"don't have it..."

oh, how he wants to nag at you, but now wasn't the time. you getting back into bed was a top priority. "come here."

he starts to unbutton his vest and takes it off, skillfully placing it on you so it covers your head from the rain. then, he picks you up by the legs with ease, one hand under your thigh and the other supporting your back. "wrap yourself tight around me, alright?" he whispers gently.

you already were, but you still nuzzle further into his neck. he's warm. the entire walk, you felt nothing but a few tiny raindrops touch your skin. compared to him, you were completely covered up and sheltered, and every now and then, you can hear him sigh from the cold. despite this, he carries you all the way home without complaint.

he carefully sets you down on your bed, replacing the damp blanket with a drier one that he found lying around. "do you want to shower? something hot to eat?" he glances over his shoulder as he hangs up his vest to air dry.

your lips unknowingly form into a pout, and your hands yearn to reach out for his. "i just want to cuddle, love..." you mumble.

he's conflicted, and you could tell when his gaze averted. "at least take some medicine first."

"fine." you didn't want to, but that's okay. as long as he's around.

[confusedemiposts]

✿"so you're a girl?" ✿

Genre: fluff? Humour? Platonic mostly

Warnings: slight slander, touchy (Dazai) mentioned flat chest(Dazai), Tanizaki siblings, grammar mistakes

Notes: headcannons, probably oc, afab reader,referred to with she, reader is similar to haruhi from ohshc,I'm ashamed how long this took me,sorry if this shite I don't write often😭

Summery: You are the newest members of the Armed detective agency but (mostly) everyone thinks you are a boy, not that you really care about what gender you are perceived as its not like you were hiding the fact you are a girl but you just roll with it. How do they react and find out you are actually a girl?

Ranpo

the first the one to know

the moment he met you he knew

stared blankly at you than continued eating his sweets

didn't really care that much that no one else referred to you as a girl

Didn't find it important enough to make a big deal out of it

Dazai

When meeting you he stared at you for like one minute

watching your every move and observing your features

He quickly came to his conclusion

"That's a girl alright"

But didn't say anything and continued to refer to you as a guy

You know how he's quite physically affectionate?

Like jumping Atsushi and honestly just being close to people

He's definitely like that with you...

..but more touchy😰

waiting to see how long till you tell him you're a girl

once you're sick of his antics you tell him

Will act so surprised 💀

"My my your a girl?"🙀

"I couldn't have ever known! Your just so flat-"

SMACK

He got a deserved slap

Will whine about it

Asked if you can start wearing skirts and dresses

Yosano

One of the firsts to find out

it was after your first dangerous mission and you had to have a checkup

I think she'd have to read your file to add the checkup to your medical file and saw that you were a biological female on the file

During the checkup she asked about it

When you confirmed you are a girl she asked if you had any preferred pronouns

I love her

you said you didn't really mind

Would refer to you as a girl from then on

More girlies for the office 💪

Atsushi

took him a few months to find out

Always thought you were just a guy who's very in touch with his femmine side

Oh boy

Too be honest I'm not even sure how he finds out

heard you talking about periods with Yosano

He didn't suspect a thing

Thought that you were really knowledgeable about female anatomy

Poor boy wasn't taught anything so he actually wanted to learn too

Either asked you or Yosano

Honestly as I write this I still have no clue how he finds

Maybe the man just never finds out😭

I think he'd only find out either from Kyouka or accidentally seeing you change

Will grow nervous and awkward after finding out

Feels bad about any things he thought might have been inappropriate that he might've talked to you about

It will take him some time to treat you normally again

Kunikida

my boy was definitely the last to find out 😔

like how he didn't know Dazai was in the mafia he didn't know you were a girl

did get suspicious a few times

he overhead you ask Yosano for a tampon/pad

He thought he heard wrong

But then everyone was suddenly referring to you as she

"Are you talking about y/n?" 🤨

was absolutely flabbergasted when he realized you weren't a boy

"HES A SHE???????"

Had to look at you several times

he just thought you were a feminine guy😭

shocked to the core

had to sit down and process this Information

asked you why you never corrected anyone when they called you a boy

when you said you didn't care what gender you were seen as he went

"Oh"

"very well then"

Struggled with refering to you as a girl for a bit but corrected himself each time

Only change in behaviour afterwards is that he treated you more politely

Hes a gentleman at heart 🤷

Tanizaki siblings

Naomi

Naomi knew early on

was surprised when you both liked similar things

straight up asked

"are you a girl?"

when you said you are she goes

"Are you a crossdresser?🤨"

when she heard your reasoning she was fine with it

She decides to take you after work to see how you look in dresses

Junichiro

Found out the same day as Naomi

when Naomi said you guys were going somewhere alone together

"Okay-"

Then he thought it was a date

was going to kill you

Naomi told him you're a girl

He just stood there

🧍

"What"

Bro had no idea

Not even a single suspicion

Didn't believe it at first till he heard it from your own mouth

Kyouka

didn't take her long to figure out

after a case together you walked by a store with cute plushies in the window

A bunny teddy caught Kyouka's eye

You saw it and said it looked cute

she would have thought nothing of that comment since Atsushi would have said the same thing

but for awhile now she has been growing suspicious of your gender

Especially when she saw you use the female bathroom

But she doesn't know how to bring it up

Rather quietly she asks

"...y/n.. I've been wondering...are you a girl?

When you say yes she has a lot of questions

Asking why you didn't correct anyone or just why in general

Hearing your reasoning she'd understand but a little puzzled

Just saying you definitely bought her the bunny afterwards just to see her cute smile

kenji

Took a very long time

Honestly I don't think he would find out

He wouldn't care about your gender

He just likes you in general

He's so sweet

Always like

:D

Sorry I'm getting off topic

I think he'd find out only through Kyouka

"Ohh Mr is a miss?"

Still treats you the same

Fukuzawa

When you joined the agency he didn't question your gender at first

He knew because you probably needed some sort of identification to join the agency or something

but when everyone was referring to you as a guy he was absolutely confused

Had no clue what to refer you as😭

just said your name instead of any sort of pronouns

My man is trying his best

You noticed after awhile he never used any pronouns on you

So during a conversation once you made sure to say you are a girl

Glad that you told him but he got into the habit of just saying your name

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Should I do PM next?

[snek-eyes]

Good Omens fic recs

Hello all! Wanted to share a few of my longtime faves. These are all pre-s2, might do another with my post-s2 recs? Narrowed it down to 10, since that's the max links tumbl lets you have in a post.

Any Way You Want It

Author: Justkeeptrekkin Words: 27,500 Chapters: 5/5 Rating: Mature Mood: Vacation, soft but introspective After finally getting heaven and hell off their backs (at a cost) Crowley and Aziraphale go on holiday to a cottage in Scotland. Fluffy with fun snappy dialogue, the two really feel like best friends here! Aziraphale struggles with his tendency to go slower than even he wants.

Instructions Not Included

Author: Atalan Words: 68,000 Chapters: 13/13 Rating: Teen Mood: Detective / Gen (There are feelings but it earns that slowburn tag) My "if season 2 isn't good, this is my season 2" fic. Now, I liked season 2, but this is still SO good. After the notpocalypse, Aziraphale and Crowley start a detective agency investigating supernatural happenings together. New characters include Raphael (who totally missed the apocalypse haha whoops), and a big spooky dog (whomst I adore). Note that while this fic stands just fine on its own, there is an unfinished sequel that imo doesn't leave off anywhere stressful.

When in Rome

Author: Kedreeva Words: 4,000 Rating: General Mood: The liminal space of nighttime conversations What happens after Aziraphale invites Crowley to oysters: Wings and reading. Tentative and innocent in those early days.

the deft, sweet gesture of your hand

Author: deadgreeks Words: 12,000 Rating: Explicit Mood: Hurt/Comfort, introspection A few years after the failed apocalypse Crowley shows up badly injured at the bookshop. Aziraphale has to help heal Crowley and save them both, and still finds the time to knit his feelings.

Chemistry

Author: Twilightcitysky Words: 122,000 Chapters: 19/19 Rating: Explicit Mood: Y'ever want a side of learning something with your romcom? After realizing they might need their own corporations to heal themselves now that they're not working for heaven and hell, Aziraphale and Crowley turn on all their bodily functions. All of them. What could be a silly premise is played out very satisfyingly, the actual biology of hormones at play here is fascinating. (this is not really at all related but: has anyone else read Peeps by Scott Westerfeld? Because the format reminded me of this in that it did a similar thing of playing straight the concept of "what could cause vampires to be real" that drew on inspiration from real life parasites interspersed between the chapters. I dig it. Anyway!)

Reservations

Author: AnnetheCatDetective Words: 10,000 Chapters: 3/? (Technically unfinished, but leaves off in a satisfying spot) Rating: Not Rated Mood: Meta (Character study as story) “There's some competition for Aziraphale and Crowley's usual table at the Ritz…” A couple of miracles bend reality and, well… you ever been like, “The boys need therapy, but who could possibly give it to them?” I love crossovers where the TV boys meet other versions of themselves, this one is my favorite.

i can't say the words, so i wrote you into my verse

Author: mygalfriday (BrinneyFriday) Words: 5,000 Rating: Teen Mood: Snapshots through history "Crowley has tattoos and every few centuries, Aziraphale discovers a new one." Simple and paints a lovely picture.

By Definition

Author: idiopathicsmile Words: 3,000 Rating: Explicit Mood: Smutty but fond A night together after the Ritz fic where Aziraphale is asexual and Crowley isn’t and how that works for them. The dialogue here is positively delightful.

Bark Dust

Author: rfsmiley Words: 8,000 Rating: Mature (mostly for injuries) Mood: Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Historical Crowley is very badly injured in a battle, and Aziraphale has to figure out how to save his life.

Tell Me A Story

Author: brilliant_or_insane Words: 5,000 Rating: Teen Mood: Soft and warm Aziraphale likes telling stories and Crowley likes to listen. But when the demon is dissatisfied by sad endings and can't relate to the happy ones, Aziraphale decides to move them forward by telling a new story. (Of course, Crowley isn't entirely satisfied with the angel's perspective on that one either.)

[woaza]

Hi hi! I am so glad to see more delico's nursery fic, especially from you!! It's a crime the fandom is so small. Lately, I have been obsessed with Gerhard and devouring all your fics like a gourmet meal. Could you write about him being married to a high-position officer (like being part of the High Executive of the Blood Police)? So she is really strong and her true strength lies in her exceptional combat skills, strategic mind, and emotional resilience. Kinda like Mikasa Ackerman level AHAHAHAH I am just a sucker for strong lady :DD I hope you don't mind this long request and remember to take care of yourself!!!

Gerhard x Fem!Officer

Contains : Headcannons!

Word count : 4k

Warnings : Slight mentions of violence in a job setting, Gerhard really ‘appreciating’ readers fit figure, Gerhard a little sexiest? Also not double read through for grammar mistakes.

A/n : I’m so so so happy you like my fics! I’m sorry for the wait on your request. I hope you enjoy it.

— Gerhard was podstivly stunned. When he first saw you. You shook him to his core a bit for sure. You’re very being conflicting with his base beliefs. Such a strong figure and energy you carried. And your a women in the blood police? Why would a woman as beautiful as you want to work in such a violent occupation? Let alone a high executive? Yeah he definitely has his eyes on you.

He saw you at the agency in your Uniform. Badges run down your coat, you boots clicking across the tile as you walked. Not speaking or even giving him a second glance. His eyes visibly widened and he caught his breath, only slightly. Choosing to not let it affect him. Yet for some reason after that one close encounter in the small hallway he started to notice you more often. That’s how your whole romance with the stern man started, his shock.

— After that consider Gerhard your devoted husband. Yeah he was hooked. You didn’t spare him a second glance? Probably didn’t even know who he was other than one of the agencies detectives? Long story short, he ended up over working himself just for even a glance or head nod from you until you and him finally got a proper introduction.

— Lord Fra is a man of a certain cut. He only likes to see things his way. His wife, you, being one of the voices of reason in his life. He listens to you. Like really listens. Never in a million years would he ask anyone for help on a classified assignment but you. Each time he’s stumped you always seem to have an idea or solution, your intelligence without a doubt is his favorite feature about you.

He sits in his chair clutching onto the documents scattered across his desk. The fire place cracking loudly, much to his annoyance. How sometimes he wished he could simply sit in pure silence. This case had him almost completely stumped. His eyebrows furrowed so deep that it seemed as his skin would permanently crease. A the door gently creeks open and you strut into the room. “Still on the Mr.Morhead case?” Walking behind him and leaning over his shoulder. Your hands moving to rest on either side of his neck. He does nothing but grumble a bit. “Did you check with his wife, I haven’t seen a file or report come though about her yet?” You whisper quietly, patiently as you scan over the papers. His eyes widen, he wasn’t aware or even informed the man was married. You always seemed to point out little details he missed. It may seem like it annoys him, but don’t be fooled. He loves it.

— He could rave and rave about your mind for days. Unlike other women he’s tried to pursue you are by far the most extraordinary.

— Will go out of his way just to catch a glimpse of you, even if it’s a second. Sometimes you spend early mornings in the Garden with Angelico and one of the house maids. Even though the South wing hall is completely out of his way when he’s leaving for work, he will walk through that because it’s the only one with windows facing the area of the garden your drink your morning tea in. It literally a brief moment and completely out of his way, but he makes the effort.

— Further on that, everything about you to him is perfect. Nothing less for the head of the house Fra. In the weekend evenings when you go in for a bath, ignoring how it improper it is. He likes to help you undress for your bath. His eyes locked onto your lean muscles. Your body a work of art, showing every hour that you’ve put into your work. He finds your dedication extremely attractive.

— Never can beat you in chess, it’s drives him a bit mad. Your ability to always be one step ahead of him is simply humbling. Which is a hard feeling for him to be grapple with. ‘Lord Fra being beaten by his wife in a simple game of chess?’ He can practically hear people say (which no will never know of it and he’ll be sure of that) and it’s embarrassing for him. Then he look up at you sitting across the board heavily contemplating your next move, “oh yes, that’s my wife… the general and head of command.” It makes his fragile ego feel better.

—In the end you never ever cease to amazing and will never admit it, but worships the very air your breath. 

A/n #2: sorry this was a little short! Hope you enjoyed it! Maybe I’ll have to elaborate on this more. I liked this request a lot!

[fancyfeathers]

Can I request a yandere Ranpo with a fem darling that works at her family's bakery and they decorative a cake or smth? (It's a date)

I see them meeting each other when the ada was still relatively new. The bakery was like a 5 min walk away. They just happened to get closer over time. For example (darling wanted him to try new items cuz she knew he was gonna be honest with her)

May it also be on the more fluffier side of things?

Make sure to take care of yourself bestie (◔‿◔)

Sugarcoated

(Yandere Ranpo X reader)

“Oh (Name)! Hello?” From your spot in the kitchen you hear the front door of the shop open and close. It was past closing so that meant it was only one person, Ranpo. 

“In the back!” You shouted back as you made your way to the fridge to pick up the sheets of cake you had made earlier for tonight. Just as you set them on the counter you felt two arms wrap around you from behind. You giggled as you felt the detective burry his face in your neck, right where your neck and jawbone meet and planted little kisses all over it. “Hey! Knock that off, it tickles!” 

After a few more he finally stopped, giving you a chance to spin around and give him a peck on the cheek. Ah yes, Ranpo, the detective you hand been dating for the last year or so. You met on his practically daily visits to the bakery either before work, for lunch, or after, sometimes if may be two or more. He definitely wasn’t the most humble to say the least, often bragging about his ability (which you questioned if he even had) but he was always sweet to you. Which leads you to your current situation, spending your one year anniversary in your family’s bakery. Your parents had let you close up early and by yourself so you and Ranpo could have the place to yourselves.

You had planned this, with a few suggestions from him, cake decorating. This in reality was mostly your frosting the cake while he put sprinkles or whatever else on top along with eating the leftover frosting with a spoon while you leaned up a bit. So now while you’re sitting in relative silence, his head resting on your shoulder in the break room of the bakery, waiting for the now decorated cake to chill in the fridge while you scrolled the news, you saw something that caught your eye. “Hey Ranpo, you should see this.”

You passed him the phone that was pulled up to a news reporter of a mysterious bomb threat to be at a local park not to far from here or the agency. With everything that was happening in Yokohama lately it felt dangerous to even step outside, but ag least to some extent you felt safe with Ranpo. You watched as he read the article. With not a word he turned the phone off and set it on the table, you both sat in silence for a long moment before he spoke up, his voice not the happy home it usually is around you. “I want you to move in with me, (Name).”

“What?” This felt so sudden and almost off topic, it took you by surprise. “Why are you asking me this now? I just showed up you that story-”

“That’s exactly why.” He cut you off, sliding one of his hands down to hold one of your own. “It’s becoming more dangerous everyday, I want to make sure you’re somewhere safe even when I’m not here. Please, (Name).”

“I’ll think about it, I mean this just feels so sudden.” You said, slightly unsure of your boyfriend’s suggestion.

“Please, for me?”

“Well… I’m-“ before you could finish responding Ranpo’s phone rang. You let him answer and you could vaguely hear his coworker’s voice on the line, Kunikida you think. You could make out to words bomb, threat, and park. You guessed this was about the article you had shown him. When ypthe ended you smiled and changed the topic, hoping he wouldn’t change it back after that. “Seems like Detective Ranpo is on the case, hm?”

“Right you are, love!” He said with a wide smile, seemingly coming out of nowhere, but that’s just Ranpo. He stood up and bent over to give you a quick kiss. “I’ll be back soon, don’t eat the cake without me.”

You watched as he put his hat back on and made his way towards the door, stopping before it opened. “Hey, (Name)?”

“Hm?”

“Everything I'm doing is to keep you safe, please know that.” He said glancing over at you. “Just think about it, moving in with me.”

Before you could respond you saw him leave, the door clicking shut behind him and you heard the sound of the main door being opened and closed with the sound of the bell. You fingers unconsciously reached up to your lips, still sugary sweet from Ranpo’s kisses, sugarcoated like the words he told to keep you near him…

…just as overly sweet…

.