#i love you!!!! sorry this just became me overcompensating for the insecurity of NOT KNOWING ASDGIUAGDUAKS | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bigskydreaming · 4 years ago

Text

Something I don’t think I’ve ever seen explored but that could be a possibly interesting subversion of the common conception that Dick is Bruce’s favorite, even according to his other children:

What if the things they viewed as favoritism were really just overcompensation? For instance, when Dick and Bruce started being presences in each other’s lives again after Tim became Robin, it was a gradual thing, they only slowly kind of got used to being around each other again over time. As I’ve often said in the past, my big gripe about this, and why I so intensely dislike all of that being framed as Tim being a catalyst for reuniting them, is its precisely BECAUSE of how it all played out that way, that Bruce....never actually needed to apologize or make amends to Dick or even ASK for him to come back....which compounded the fact that he’d never really ever gotten around to doing all of that because of the conflict between them for other reasons before Jason’s death happened.

And I do think a lot of that has to do with Bruce’s tendencies towards self-flagellation, though this doesn’t excuse it. I honestly do believe that it’d be perfectly in character if the reason Bruce never apologized for all that even then was because he didn’t think what he’d done WAS forgivable, so it felt....false to him, to try and ask for forgiveness. What this fails to consider though, is that apologizing, making amends, TRYING to make up for what you did to the other person.....its not about WHETHER or not they forgive you, or think they can.

Its simply about acknowledging wrong and harm done, and saying....you’re sorry. You regret it. You know it was a mistake and that you can’t take it back, but you just want them to know you’re....not unaware of the harm you caused.

After that, yeah, the ball is in their court, but if you never actually put that out there, how are they ever supposed to truly KNOW that you know that? Believe that?

How can people ever be asked or expected to grant forgiveness when its so commonly depicted as though for the people who hurt them, even just ASKING for it is harder than it must be for the people who WERE hurt to GRANT it?

But Bruce is very much someone who believes that actions speak louder than words, so I could see someone taking the angle that he tries to EXPRESS his regret to Dick in other ways, through various actions and behaviors with or around him.....which could be construed to others in the family as displays of favoritism....

Because they’d have no way or any reason to think of them as attempts at amends or expressions of regret, like they would, say, if any of those similar behaviors were exhibited around Jason - whether they were accepted by Jason or brushed off. Point being, they would GET that this was what it was with Jason, because they’re all aware Jason is angry at Bruce for very specific things, with most of them being aware what MOST of those things are (definitely not counting the ending of UTRH).

(And just pointing out here again for emphasis since its not like I tack it on as a qualifier in all my posts, but I honestly hate how frequently various parts of fandom decide one character or another is Bruce’s favorite or worse, that this is OKAY, like its not a fundamental problem if he definitively has a favorite. Of course that creates divides in a family. To me, ideally, a healthy Batfam has no favorites, they just have members of the family who are more favorite to them in SOME ways than in others.

For instance, I also dislike the idea that Damian is Dick’s favorite, but I don’t think the closeness of their relationship is threatened or mitigated by acknowledging that the bonds between Dick and his other siblings are just as strong, just in different ways. That its ‘special’ with Damian in a way it isn’t with the others because of how close they got that year Dick practically raised him, that makes the nature of their relationship different. But its equally ‘special’ with Jason, because Jason was Dick’s FIRST brother, they were each other’s first family beyond just parental figures, there’s a significance to that which doesn’t just go away, and still neither of those undervalues the fact that Tim and Dick spent years being close as the only two brothers, who had only each other and Bruce, and Bruce sometimes being emotionally or even physically unavailable to turn to making it that much more necessary for them to turn to each other, essentially, between Jason’s death and return and even after Cass became a presence in their lives, due to her usually going to Babs for the kinds of things Dick and Tim would work through together, and then of course Cass is Dick’s only sister which puts her in another category altogether, not better or worse, its simply that Cass is neither Dick’s brother nor was she ever a Robin so they have a relationship that for example, whatever else it consists of, will never be defined or threatened by any of the issues that have plagued the family when it comes to the Robin succession. And Duke and Dick’s dynamic of course is still basically just whatever the hell you individually decide it to be because hahahaha what if you wrote them interacting for more than like, one issue only, DC HMMM?

Point being - FUCK family favorites. The whole idea is stupid and toxic and IMO fundamentally incompatible with an actual healthy, functional Batfamily, so it kinda blows my mind when I see people UPHOLDING the idea of this character being so and so’s favorite or everyone knows Dick is Bruce’s favorite and Jason is Alfred’s favorite and Damian is Dick’s favorite....no. Why. Stop that. They can all be special to each other in entirely different ways for entirely different reasons. Family is not a zero sum game. And none of this means that there aren’t some of them who just GET ALONG better than they do with the others at sometimes, or like these two just tend to have more fun with each other, or this is who this one usually goes to when this happens, etc. There’s nothing wrong with that, that’s good, it just means.....things are different between different members of the family. That doesn’t have to equal FAVORITES though. Favorite to share this particular activity with? Sure. OVERALL though? Miss me).

ANYWAY.

Detour aside and circling back to my point.....say for instance the other kids see Bruce appear to be making an effort with Jason, singling him out for praise or acknowledgment....its not hard for them to imagine reasons WHY Bruce might be doing that, which don’t automatically equate to an insecure conviction that Bruce just loves Jason more than them and he’s his favorite....because there are other explanations, other reasons why Bruce might feel a need to act differently with Jason than he does with the rest of them, things unique to their dynamic. Similarly, say for instance Bruce is written making a particular effort with Damian to acknowledge him - there’s lots more angles to spin it as than just favoritism, they had a very rocky start everyone in the family is aware of, so its more likely to just read as like....Bruce making more of an effort where its already understandable to everyone else that an effort is merited.

And Bruce HAS admittedly at different times been written as very clearly making an effort and being a good father to his kids, like, the capacity has always been there of course. But there were ‘good times’ with Bruce and Jason, with Bruce and Dick, with Bruce and Tim, etc, etc. So when the effort being seen comes paired with an understandable or apparent GAP the others are aware of.....the effort is easily seen as nothing more than BRIDGING the already existant gap, rather than....advancing that one particular child AHEAD of the others.

So much of the conflict between Bruce and Dick during Jason’s time as Robin stemmed from the fact that.....there was a huge, existing gap between Bruce and Dick even BEFORE Bruce took Jason in....and there was no effort made by Bruce during that time to bridge that gap. And then Bruce took Jason in, adopted him, made him Robin....STILL while making no attempt to reach out to Dick, make amends, bridge the gap he was steadily INCREASING between both boys and their respective relationships with him....so y’know, its kinda hard NOT to see or at least understandably imagine favoritism from Dick’s POV there....

BUT, its also easy to imagine why from the other kids’ perspectives, Dick might be Bruce’s favorite or the one he’s closest with, and its not because he’s perfect or the original or anything like that, but rather just....time.

Quite simply, Dick is the one kid Bruce spent the most time with, before any of the others joined the family. He spent a good eight years growing up in the manor, Bruce’s only family other than Alfred. Its quite easy and understandable to imagine from the perspective of the ones who came later, this would translate into more closeness, more ease and familiarity, even more respect, more love......because that thing that they each have with Bruce to some degree, that makes them family, the time spent with him, the comfort or praise they’ve received from him, purely in an empirical sense, in terms of rough numbers if nothing else, Dick has had more of it. Bruce has given more of it.

Of course they’re resentful or assume they can’t measure up, in light of that. How can the mere two or three years some of them have had as Bruce’s family compete with the eight Dick had and that’s even just before any of the others came along at all.

So they look at Bruce making an effort with Dick, the way he doesn’t always do with them, they see Bruce making a point to acknowledge Dick or praise him or express he’s putting his faith in him - all the things they’re all eager to hear - and the easiest and most obvious conclusion to draw when asking themselves “why is he like that with Dick, but not with me, or at least never as much”....is that its because of that essential element Dick and Bruce’s relationship has that none of the others do.....time.

The problem is, of course.....they don’t have the whole perspective, and they’re drawing conclusions without paying proper consideration to all the possible alternatives.

Because yes, Bruce and Dick’s relationship has had more time to encompass so many of the good moments and the positives between them......but the reverse is equally true. Its had that much more time to encompass the bad moments and the negatives in their relationship as well. And this is part of the narrative trap created when not focusing on or even just acknowledging the downs of Dick and Bruce’s relationship, specifically where the burden of responsibility is on Bruce.....because it sets up a quandary - “Bruce often behaves differently with Dick than he does with his other children” - but only allows certain interpretations to be read in as possible explanations for this.

So the second you lock in the take that Bruce’s relationship with Dick has never really HAD any low moments because Dick wasn’t fired, they weren’t estranged for years (though cough cough, what’s your explanation for Bruce’s absence from major defining stories of Dick’s at the time where he really could have used some comfort or support from Bruce, like the Church of Blood or Titans Hunt BUT I DIGRESS), and NTT #55 certainly didn’t happen, then its like.....you’ve reduced the intricacies of their dynamic and past history down to only its fundamental positives, and as such are only really showcasing Bruce being more positive than not with Dick while layering in the impression that this is the way its always been.....

And not only are you giving cause to the other children looking at this dynamic and seeing only one possible explanation - whether or not its just because they’ve spent more time together, Dick is Bruce’s favorite and always will be - you’re also creating the inevitability that Dick pretty much MUST be written as equally positive towards Bruce at all times - aka appearing as the loyal footsoldier his siblings often accuse him of being, particularly when they’re having their own conflicts with Bruce and Dick is defending him - OR if you write Dick as behaving negatively towards Bruce or making complaints of his own against Bruce....who in the eyes of all the others, clearly already favors Dick more than them as is.....it makes Dick look like a spoiled, ungrateful asshole who can’t even appreciate the fact that Bruce already loves and respects him more than he does any of them, like nothing will ever be good enough for him.

Basically, as is a fairly common theme for me, lol, my point is that I think a lot of the more negative and two-dimensional portrayals of Dick in fandom come not even from writers innately or initially seeing HIM that way....but rather are just a symptom of the corners many often write themselves into simply by REFUSING to write other characters in certain negative ways....without paying consideration to the ripple effects this would have on the dynamic between both characters overall. And then more readers and fans internalize these negative and two-dimensional portrayals of Dick and add them or have them feed into their own predispositions towards any of the other characters aside from him, and it kinda creates and perpetuates this whole self-sustaining cycle, where Dick so often becomes the ‘bad guy’ in family conflicts purely because writers won’t LET anyone ELSE ever be even just more responsible for a conflict with him.

But the second you put back even just ONE of the elements often cut out from Bruce and Dick’s relationship in support of Bruce, whether its firing Dick, not trying to make amends with him the whole time Jason lived with Bruce, the scene between them after Jason’s death......

Suddenly, you’ve got another explanation for why Bruce might be making MORE of an effort with Dick at times, to show he appreciates him, loves him, is proud of him.....because Bruce fucked up, and he doesn’t know how to fix it. And this is his awkward way of trying to show and not tell, because he doesn’t think the telling is ever going to be good enough, and its not even that Dick’s too petty or spiteful to ever accept Bruce’s apology, its that because its never taken the form of an ACTUAL apology, an ACTUAL acknowledgment of wrongdoing and an attempt to make amends.....its more likely Dick not seeing it for what it is on Bruce’s part is just Dick not wanting to set himself up for more disappointment, figuring he might be reading more into it than is actually there just because he WANTS to believe its an apology of some sort, he WANTS to forgive Bruce and get back at least some of what they lost over the years.

And meanwhile, from all the other kids’ perspectives, they see Bruce clearly making SOME kind of an effort with Dick that he doesn’t always make with them, and that when he does, usually its paired with something in their mind that makes it read as “oh that’s why he’s behaving this way” rather than “oh, clearly, this is proof I am The Favored One,”...BUT having access to only parts of the picture and no clue about a lot of the rest, working off of limited evidence, there’s no real way for them TO draw the correct conclusion....that this is Bruce trying to make RIGHT something that went WRONG.....not Bruce just lavishing Dick with praise and respect and recognition any of them would kill for and he seems to get for no reason....other than the obvious one....Dick’s the first, the original, the one who has a decade headstart on all of us in Bruce’s eyes and who we thus will never be able to catch up to so why try, hey, we should totally just, stab Caesar.

175 notes · View notes

honeykami · 4 years ago

Text

May i request a class 1a bnha matchup? (i am so so sorry if this is doing to much. it’s my first time writing one of these-) i’m an aries, a minor, 5’6, she/her, an esfp, and bisexual (no preference). i am african american, with 4c dark brown curls that hang when wet. i switch between contacts and my glasses. eyeliner and small hoop earrings are my go to, since i feel insanely confident when i have it on. i love making friends and even if people don’t like me- i try to warm them up 😔👊🏾.

my love language is music, such as making playlists but mainly touch. also- i am touch starved so that’s that hshsjsks- daddy issues also 🧍🏾‍♀️. i am very loud, incredibly talkative, i swear (a lot), competive, impulsive, and i would like to think that i am incredibly funny (i happen to be a noya kinnie.) i enjoy keeping the same energy in my friendships and relationships. i am casually flirty but i know when to tone it down. with eyeliner, i have been told that i have a natural resting bitch face, i promise i am not that bad, i just don’t like putting up with people’s bs.

i’m definitely a big romantic and my ideal first dates would take place at skating rink, an arcade, an amusement park (i could go on and on-) i have been told that i have the perfect mix of street smarts and book smarts. if one small thing goes wrong, it can (and will) drastically change my mood for the entire day (bokuto kin- ahhh.)

i play volleyball and have a slim build but feel insecure abt my stomach. to usually hide those insecurities, i overcompensate with my ego gshsjsk- but at the same time, i go through periods where i absolutely love myself (oikawa kinnie also.) i love musical theatre and indie horror games. the umbrella academy, camp camp, and my hero academia are some of my favorite shows. for the most part- i really just go with the flow and vibe of other people (like i said- matching energy is important to me.) same goes for my clothing aesthetic and my music taste- when it comes to music, it ranges from boy bands to songs based on indie horror games to different time periods then musical theatre, back to the songs i cry to, the yarichin b club theme song, my favorite artists and then back to boy bands. (truly sorry that this is so long- you obviously don’t have to do it if it’s too long but thank you anyways-🧎🏾‍♀️🤲��) - @1-800-s1mping

i match you with....

the stun gun hero: chargebolt also known as denki kaminari (have you heard the audio of him saying his name? i’m denKI KAmiNARI i just laugh at it all the time)

this due is the definition of confidence but in the: i am absolutely not afraid of the repercussions of my actions

but that’s not always bad cause he’s your hype man!!

and have you see this boy? he literally became friends with bakugou by annoying him (i’m not calling you annoying!! i’m saying that y’all are definitely the couple that will have people become your friends even if they didn’t expect too!)

he will literally listen to all of your playlists!!! his music style is just as wack as his room is

ok ok so i feel like people would compare you two a lot when you are def different bc: you can’t handle bs and he’ll handle it and even tease the person bakugou

did i hear arcade, skating rink, and theme park? he would’ve just taken you without even knowing you like that stuff because he thinks it’s just a fantastic first date idea

he’ll try to turn your mood around when it’s sour but if he can’t he’ll just let you rant about it even if he didn’t understand a single thing you said

teach him volleyball pls this boy needs some form of exercise if he isn’t gonna go to a gym

also have you seen like official art of this boy in casual clothes? he has a pretty decent style thankfully so he won’t look like a hot mess when y’all leave

y’all 100% flirt with eachother a lot and sometimes people find it funny and other times people bakugou will tell scream at you to get a room

🍯: omg you sound dope as hell also why are you so tall!! im so short bruh i’m 5’2 also i wish i had your hair but i can barely manage my own curls it also isn’t too long!! long ones sometimes make me think that i’m having a convo with y’all!!

#bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #bnha matchup #bnha matchups #mha matchup #mha matchups #🍊#submission #hive.matchup

6 notes · View notes

sometimesrosy · 6 years ago

Text

The 100 s5 rewatch: Pandora’s Box

This is my longest one this season. 2500 words or so. I end up doing a bit of editorializing and i noticed a few things in regards to plot and themes and such.

I also do a bit of NOT shipping murven, so beware murven fans, I do express why I don’t ship them romantically but I see why you do. And I’m a little pissy at Raven. I love her, but I’m not going to pretend that she doesn’t have real flaws because of it. I am REALLY waiting for her character development next season. I think this season they gave the focus to Murphy, so next season will be Raven.

@alightinadarkland @irisouy @noodlesthehedgehog @emmyisgrey @ezraewrites @starboybellamy @jeanie205 @kickthatassgirl @levivlio @kizo2703 @captainwilldameron

Let’s begin with Kane in the gladiator pit. Octavia as icy as can be. Their code of strength, unity and honor. Now they’ll honor death before the fight. All of me for all of us. Kane is glaring at Octavia while the others fight, no he picks up a shield and is knocked to the ground. One dude is impaled. The other is wailing on him and all he has is the shield but the other dude kills the chick and now Kane has to fight the big guy. While Jackson asks where Abby is and Abby’s pleading, saying he doesn’t deserve to die and it was her.

Kane is sliced by his gladiator and grabs an axe. Wow. Just eviscerates him.And wails on him. And the audience turns on him. I’m still not sure why, if the only rule is to survive, why it matters if Blodreina thinks he has earned his freedom or if the crowd is happy with it. And now she says he fights again tomorrow and the crowd cheers. I don’t get it.

Cut to Bellamy, threats and negotiations. Shaw confirms his story. As long as they can make a deal. McCreary of course wants to kill him now. But Bellamy wants them to open the bunker. Split the valley, coexist. McCreary chuckles.

Clarke! She turns to see Bellamy and doesn’t look like she believes it’s him. She can’t even sit up. He helps her. WOW that music changes. Hopeful, romantic, dreamy. Clarke you saved us all. And now you’re home. And they hug.

Okay. This scene is so short. It is literally 1 minute before they pull back to the hall, and Clarke remembers where she is. But it’s so close. So soft. And so intimate. There’s not much dialogue, either. Mostly touching and looking and soft gasps. Then it pulls back to this symmetrical hall shot, all arrowing down on the two of them in the doorway. Actually on her. She’s the center. And he doesn’t really pull back from her.

Bellamy made a deal with Diyoza to open the bunker and it’s like the light appears. There’s Raven, breaking into the files to find out about Diyoza, the war hero, who became a terrorist. Of note. She bombed DC. AKA TonDC. She was terrorizing the ancestors of Trikru. I never noticed. Metro suicide bombings. Like IN the tunnels that we’ve seen them take shelter in. Wow. And now they’re worried about facing the most wanted criminal of her time. It’s so funny. Murphy will literally take her down with a thrown rock. But they don’t know that yet. They just think she’s the biggest badass. They forgot who they are.

Bellamy calls. Murphy says “we’re not bad people” because Diyoza is listening, and Bellamy is like, Raven if Diyoza does ANYTHING outside of the agreement, kill all her people. BUT someone wants to say hello.

Raven’s face when she hears Clarke’s voice is heartbroken, “I don’t believe it.”. Murphy’’s is happy, as if he knew it all along, ‘and they call me the cockroach.” Raven thanks her for saving their lives. And Clarke says she misses them both. That is their last contact until near the end. :(

McCreary calls Shaw “the Girl Scout.” McCreary doesn’t trust Diyoza so she explains that she has plans to kill the hostage taker and his girlfriend and take the doctor. McCreary is kinda dumb. Diyoza is not. Shaw isn’t either. He heard that plan.

Wonkru. Trigedasleng singer got a spot in the bunker. Octavia tells Kane that he lost the crowd when he showed weakness. I still don’t understand, because that has nothing to do with keeping them together. No. It’s the drama. The gladiator thing. The show. Grounders always liked the show.

She says she’s giving him a second chance. Give up the drug thief, because she knows he didn’t do it, but she’s not there for a philosophy lesson. He doesn’t really care. “You lost your way. We all have. I’ve been quiet too long. You think the arena delivers justice.

“I know it does.”

“Your mother was floated for having a second child for having you. I was a party to that and so much more. We have a chance to do so much better here and we’re throwing it away. Please Octavia. Strength without mercy is nothing. It’s nothing. Bu you can end it. You can save us. It’s not too late.”

“Tell me who stole the medicine Kane…. So be it.”

Remember in season 3 when Kane gave up on Bellamy as his student because he disappointed him? Because he was doing it for Octavia not because it was right? But the lessons TOOK with Bellamy. He’s the one with mercy AND strength. Octavia refused the lessons, and she’s gone so much farther down into the darkness than Bellamy ever did in season 3. With Bellamy it was only a few weeks, with Octavia it’s been 6 years of getting darker and darker.

Indra won’t talk him out of it, but she brings him to Abby and tries to get her to do it. Because he’s refusing to fight. Abby confesses. She’s an addict. She doesn’t want him to die because of what she did. And Indra is like, he was right to have you locked up. “The only way to save you both is to have him win. Talk to him.” Indra knew about Abby I think. Or she suspected.

“Abby what have we done?”

“What we had to do to survive.”

“That’s what we say to justify the horror we inflict upon each other.”

That’s super important. That is THE POINT of this whole show. Or one of them. The lesson. That’s why Bellamy’s famous words, “who we are and what we do to survive are not the same thing” (or whatever it was) are not supposed to be taken as WISDOM. They’re supposed to be taken as the starting point for how they ALL pardon themselves for their crimes, in the name of survival. What they’ll do for their people. Because Bellamy does not believe that anymore. He believes you have to make the right choices now. BE the good guy.

“I lost myself.” Kane says. I think Kane is the personified representation of humanity, in a way similar to Octavia. But Kane is the father-humanity and Octavia is the child-humanity. Kane is where they came from and Octavia is the result. And he wants to refuse to fight, to stop it, but the momentum of the actions set in place before he was born are too much for him. He can’t stop it.

He also tries to make sure Abby doesn’t confess after he’s gone because then his sacrifice is worth nothing. A lot of them have this concept. That their sacrifices have to have a pay off. Bellamy had that with Clarke, in praimfaya. Kane here with Abby. Later we’ll see it with Octavia who thinks they DESERVE Eden because they sacrificed themselves, or SHE sacrificed herself to be blodreina, and the gladiator pits and the dark year. How does it go from, I have to do this to make her sacrifice worth it, to I DESERVE this because I sacrificed? And Abby says she’ll give up the pills, but come on, not really.

Eligius. Soccer ball. We’ll see that later. Murphy is trying to lighten things up joking about their possible genocide and Raven is not amused. She does not like being in the position that Clarke and Bellamy were once in. She’s discovered the Eligius files. But we don’t know what Eligius 3 did. ENCRYPTED and even she can’t get into it. Oh but Shaw is hacking. Murphy wants to pull the plug. These are the rules. If they break the rules, they’re supposed to pull the plug. Murphy wants to tell Bellamy. Murphy is following the rules. And Raven stops him. She says she’s got this. “I got this.”

Murphy’s not so sure. And he’s not talking about the technical ability or genius. “Look Raven I understand not wanting to kill 300 people in their sleep but—“ (oh interesting. Isn’t that what people say happened with Hakeldama? It’s not, not really, they had watches and defenses and were armed warriors and they woke up, but that’s interesting.)

“I said I can do this. Ok? So why don’t you just go play with your ball and I’ll do the rest like always.” And that HURT him. It wasn’t cute or justified or funny. He was right.

Y’all really need to stop acting like Raven is some sweet cupcake. This is the girl who was ok with torture. Okay with blowing grounders up. Figures out what people’s biggest insecurities are and uses them to HURT them and get them to do what she wants. She’s done it to Clarke, to Bellamy and now to Murphy. We already know he feels useless. Worthless. We’ve had this discussion. SHE’S had the discussion with him. When she calls him cockroach, it’s not in admiration. It’s not pride in his survivor’s nature. It’s because she’s calling him trash. Sorry, murven fans. I get their chemistry, and I can see it happening down the line maybe if they develop more. But I can’t ship this. I don’t think being mean is love. I would never let someone treat me like that. And Murphy doesn’t have enough self esteem to stand up for himself, so he’s just going to turn it inwards and believe her. And her self esteem? It’s overcompensation for her own insecurity. She DID NOT get them back to earth. She did NOT do her job. And that hurts her but she won’t admit it.

Sorry, I love Raven, I do, and I want to see her grow as a person, and I think she will, but I’m not going to say she’s a cupcake or has never done anything wrong, and I feel like we act like that too much. With whoever our favorites are.

Well onto Wonkru. Octavia sentencing Kane to fight. Weird freaky death cult. He’s not going to fight either and the crowd is angry. The guy tries to force him to fight and Kane— “I will not fight this man. Somehow we allowed justice to become vengeance and vengeance to become sport and I allowed that that darkness to rise, but my complicity ends today.”

“You are wonkru or you are the enemy of wonkru. Choose.” Octavia

“I already have.” He says. Octavia grabs a sword and kicks him to the ground

“Come on Kane, where are your survival instincts”

“Saving my people is about more than keeping them alive. It’s not too late.”

“For you it is.”

AND THERE GOES THE CEILING.

AND HERE COMES THE LIGHT.

Octavia wants to fight the light. Light? No.

ITS BELLAMY!!!!!!

First person he sees is Octavia coming out of the darkness jumping into his arm. “I knew you’d come.” Down comes Clarke and Octavia…. Greets her as a comrade, not a friend. The lovely music becomes ominous as Clarke and Bellamy look around at the crowd.

Eligius come down. “Who are they?”

“We’re here to rescue you.”

Bellamy says they have an understanding and Clarke wants to see abby. Bellamy introduces Diyoza and Octavia. “Love the warpaint, by the way.” Diyoza says she’ll take them out two at a time and they don’t move until Octavia tells them to. Bellamy is worried. Diyoza is too.

Bellamy thinks it’s 1200 people, and Octavia says 814.

Shaw is still locked out. “Whoever this girl is, she’s good.” She sends him a Raven. Flipping the bird. “Real cute.”

Murphy’s hanging out with the cryosleepers. He makes a joke “what are you doing here? Coming to hang out with all the people you might have to kill?” She doesn’t like that and gets upset. And Murphy smacks himself in the head. Raven apologizes for being a bitch before. You were babe. Glad you noticed. She was just afraid she won’t be able to pull the plug.

And Murphy tells her thats ‘why he’s gonna do it. He thought he was staying behind to impress Emori, but now that he thinks about it…”I mean why do you always have to be the one to sacrifice.” I get why people would ship this. But I don’t like their relationship yet. As friends yes, there’s room for the spikiness. As a romance, no. Not my thing.

Indra brings Clarke to Abby. Indra gives Abby a chance to get Marcus away from Octavia. “I’ll get him to the ground, after that, it’s up to you.”

Octavia rises into the air and Gaia says weird cult things. “From the ashes we will rise.” The weird cult repeats. Now they’re chanting it. That’s some weird shit and Bellamy, Diyoza and McCreary all agree.

Octavia sees the destruction of Polis. And the Eligius ship. Rubble everywhere.

Bellamy brings Miller up out of the hole, and they hug. Miller thanks him, Bellamy gives him a big smile and finds the gun. Tells Octavia no weapons and she says she never made that deal.

“Blodreina, the red queen. Tell me about the fighting pit. How did that happen? Because it looks like someone read Ovid too much.”

Kane hugs Clarke. Indra gives him the key and tells him to wait for night. Second Abby and Clarke hug and there’s Diyoza watching her doctor.

“Snug as criminally insane bugs in hermetically sealed rugs.” Diyoza pulls a Clarke and has Shaw open the docking bay doors.

Raven and Murphy playing soccer. They’re cute. Oh that’s over. Alarms. Raven says pull the plug. Murphy pulls a counter Clarke. And he opens the cry pods so that they would survive. Murphy wins.

Diyoza calls Raven Shaw’s friend, and a coward. Shaw says, “a live coward.”

Polis. Night. McCreepy is watching Clarke.

Clarke is trying to take Kane and Abby away, Abby says they can’t talk to Octavia and Clarke says that’s tomorrow’s problem. Diyoza booms the fountain, Bellamy comes in and is like “hey now…” But Raven and Murphy are taken. The deal is off.

Octavia figures out that Diyoza wants Abby. Abby’s like— Yes. Take me. Only with Kane, though.

“I see where your daughter gets it.”

Clarke is like WTH mom? Diyoza takes the valley. She’s got Raven and Murphy as insurance.

One idiot who wanted to fight Diyoza shoots at Octavia but her cultists jump in front of her. Now they’re at war. Diyoza says they have to end it now and kill all the people. Shaw is like. There are 1500 people left on earth. We need people. And then he puts in an invalid launch code. Blames Raven for it. We knew it was you. And McCreepy shoots the guy who shot the rocket. Also the one who wanted to stage a coup against diyoza, coincidentally.

Now Octavia blames BELLAMY for what Diyoza’s people. Seriously child. What is WRONG with you?

#the 100 #liveblog #the 100 liveblog #rewatch #the 100 rewatch #season 5 #pandora's box

26 notes · View notes

branlovestowrite · 6 years ago

Text

Reunited: A Stucky Story

I recently fell down the Stucky wormhole after @dracosollicitus started posting her Stucky WIP What’s Left of Kisses (side note, go read that when you’re done here). I’ve read a lot of Stucky stories in the past two months, but I couldn’t find one that had them reuniting in a modern-day, non superhero setting. After a while I decided I should write it myself. I added in Shuri/Bucky BroTP because I LOVE them as besties, as well as a little Jessica Jones/Bucky Barnes friendship because I love JJ and want her in all the Marvel stories. And of course, the women of Marvel ship Stucky and take measures to throw them together. This is my first Stucky story, and, if it’s a ship you’re into, I hope you’ll like what I’ve come up with.

Title: Reunited

Rating: T for mild language and brief mentions of sex

Summary: Bucky Barnes never thought he’d see his childhood best friend, and source of his first heartbreak, Steve Rogers ever again. He is thrown for a loop when Steve ends up working for one of his new clients. What happens now that these boys are together again? Can Bucky finally overcome his nerves and confess his true feelings to Steve?

Also on AO3

On a typical Wednesday morning, Bucky Barnes walked into work, completely unaware that by the end of the day, his life would change forever. That morning had seemed like a normal day in the office. The coffee was stale, the old donuts sat untouched and unmoved, and Shuri was teasing him just like she did every day. “Hey Bucky!” she yelled from across the room. “Yes?” He asked, the corners of his mouth twitching with amusement as he approached their shared workspace. Shuri’s brown eyes sparkled with mirth. “Peter and I are in an argument-” “More like a disagreement,” Peter interrupted, his head poking above the cube wall. “An argument,” Shuri continued “about what dating was like before cell phones. I figured you could help me settle it.” “Really?” Bucky raised his eyebrows in response. “I’m not that much older than you guys. I got my first cell phone in high school.” “But that was old tech,” Shuri clarified. “No dating apps; limited texting. What did you do when you had to… call… people?” She said the word ‘call’ as if it offended her. “I don’t know,” Bucky replied, “I just called them.” He dropped his messenger bag to the floor and sank into his desk chair. “What even is this argument about?” “I say people didn’t… have sex,” Peter explained, a flush rising up over his cheeks and ears. “I mean, that is, they didn’t have sex as soon. They waited longer. Since, you know, they weren’t sexting or sending-” he cut himself off as the remainder of his face turned the same shade as a tomato. Shuri gave an exasperated sigh. “Dick pics, Peter. The phrase is dick pics.”

Bucky groaned and hung his head, his chin length hair falling around his face. “You know, we are working…” “Anyway! I say that even if they couldn’t send dick pics, people still found ways to get nasty because people have always found ways to get nasty.” “What did I just walk in on?” Shuri’s brother, their boss and owner of the company, T’Challa walked up with a concerned look on his face. “Do I need to call Okoye?” “No, please, sir,” Peter fumbled. “Ha!” Shuri laughed. “Peter’s scared of HR!” “I’m not scared of HR; just Okoye. She can be so tough!” “Please make them stop,” Bucky pleaded, turning to T’Challa. Their boss only laughed in return. “If you find a way to make my sister stop, Barnes, you come let me know. I haven’t found one yet.” He walked on, continuing his morning lap of the office. After a minute, as Bucky was bringing up his email, Shuri pushed her chair over to his desk. “So, old man, what did you guys do?” Bucky stopped his perusal to reminisce. He remembered rushing home to get to his computer and see if Steve was online. They would chat for hours via AIM, unless one of them had to get off the computer so a parent could use the phone line. When they each got cell phones they would call each other at 9:00pm sharp, when minutes were unlimited, and talk until one or both of their phone batteries died. A flush grew on his cheeks as he remembered the not-so-innocent turn their conversations sometimes took. While he never did anything explicit with Steve, he thoroughly remembered some of the thoughts he’d had during those conversations; thoughts he’d been too afraid to express. And the things he did with other people, in an attempt to get Steve out of his head. “Shuri’s right.” He said, looking at Peter. Shuri smirked conspiratorially. “Oooo… Bucky got nasty!” “That’s all I’m saying,” Bucky replied, turning back to his screen. Bucky worked for Wakanda Tech, or WT as the employees called it, a startup taking the corporate communications world by storm. T’Challa inherited the company from his father, but most of their recent products came directly from Shuri’s designs. She was a wunderkind, with an innate understanding of technology that put people twice her age to shame. And somehow she managed to combine her technical ability with a personality that was warm and engaging. It was impossible not to like Shuri. Bucky considered himself lucky to have landed a position at WT. Most of the employees were in their early 20’s. He was a random outlier, having met Okoye, their director of HR, at a job fair for veterans. Okoye was not your typical HR rep. She had a strict no-bullshit policy and had no issue with calling out her employees when she felt they were in violation of that. But she was also fiercely loyal and dedicated to the success of WT, having grown up alongside T’Challa. Okoye had an eye for talent, and she saw something in Bucky, even if he didn’t really see it himself. He worked as a implementation manager, helping get new clients on the platform once they’d purchased a license. Bucky had an eye for organization, a direct result of his military training. His personal life might be a mess, but he knew how to get other people in order. Once Shuri and Peter settled their dispute, the office became quiet, although a hum of anticipation still hung in the air. Today was a very important day for WT. T’Challa had been in discussions with Tony Stark about bringing their product to Stark Inc. If they landed this contract, there would be a huge bonus for everyone. Negotiations were almost complete; Stark was coming by later to hopefully sign the final documents. Bucky couldn’t calm the anxiety that crept up his spine. He never liked brash, overcompensating men like Stark- or at least the way Stark was portrayed in the media. When he was younger, he’d stopped more than a few of those types from beating Steve to a pulp. He’d learned to live with them in the Army, being surrounded by meatheads who preened like peacocks to hide their insecurities. He’d had his fill of guys like that during his time in the service, and did his best to avoid them now. Unfortunately, there was only one other Implementation Manager at WT, Peter, and he was too green to take on the Stark job. Like it or not, Bucky would have to be in the room with Stark later that day, and he’d most likely also have to suck up to the man. His stomach roiled and he skipped lunch, hiding out at his desk while he nibbled on a few crackers.

The day kept moving like a freight train, and, before long, it was time. The quiet, efficient atmosphere of WT was turned on its ear when Tony Stark walked in. Bucky watched from the safety of his desk as Stark was greeted by T’Challa. “Mr. Stark,” the always professional entrepreneur began as he shook Stark’s hand. “No no,” his guest interrupted, “if we’re gonna work together, you gotta call me Tony.” The man spoke his words in a rapid clip, as if he didn’t have time to breathe properly between syllables. “Very well, Tony: welcome to Wakanda Tech.” T’Challa gestured proudly around the office. “Small operation you got here, huh?” “We believe in a flat organization structure, to maximize efficiency.” “Great use of buzzwords there, pal,” Stark replied, placing his hand on T’Challa’s shoulder. Shuri chose that moment to stand from her desk and extend her own hand to Bucky. “Shall we go in?” “Do I have to?” Bucky whined petulantly. “Yes!” she scolded, looking much older than her 22 years. “Get off your ass and come with me.” Bucky straightened up and grabbed his tablet, standing to follow the younger woman. They headed to the conference room and made it inside just before Stark and his entourage entered. “This must be Shuri!” Stark exclaimed, greeting the lady on question with a hug. Shuri halfheartedly returned the gesture before pulling away with a smile. “It is good to meet you, Mr. Stark.” “I already had this conversation with your brother. Call me Tony.” Shuri smiled politely in response and then turned to Bucky. “This is James Barnes. He is the Implementation Manager that will be working on your account.” “Jamie!” Tony said, patting the other man on the shoulder. “Tony,” Bucky returned with a bemused smirk. “Finally someone who gets it,” Tony said with a smile. He turned to the people surrounding him. “Allow me to introduce Pepper Potts, my right hand and the only reason I have any success in this world.” A tall, willowy redhead nodded her head toward Bucky and Shuri. “And this is Rhodey, my other right hand and best friend in the world.” The man in question smiled tensely at the group. “And finally, this is-” “Steve,” Bucky said in awe, looking up at the last member of Stark’s party. “Steve Rogers, from my legal team,” Tony filled in, a little deflated. “I’m sorry,” he said, pointing between them, “do you two know each other?”

“Bucky and I go way back,” Steve said, his smile still as devastating as ever. He flashed his blue eyes at Bucky, and the other man felt himself get weak in the knees. “Bucky?” Tony asked with a smirk. Bucky grimaced. “My full name is James Buchanan Barnes… but my friends call me Bucky.” “Splendid!” Tony said. “You didn’t tell me you knew someone who worked here, Rogers.” “I didn’t know I had a connection,” Steve replied warmly, still looking at Bucky. “It’s been a while since we talked.” Bucky gave Steve a shy smile. “A lot has happened since we last saw each other.” They stood like that, staring awkwardly at one another while butterflies danced in Bucky’s stomach. Finally, T’Challa intervened. “Shall we get started?” he asked as he gestured toward the table. Bucky wasn’t sure how he made it through that meeting in one piece, but, in spite of the awkwardness he felt, the meeting was a success. Stark seemed keener to sign the contract knowing there was a personal relationship between a member of his staff and someone at WT. As soon as the meeting adjourned Steve pulled Bucky aside.

“You look good, Buck.” “Thanks,” Bucky said, refusing to meet the other man’s eyes. Steve had changed so much since he’d last seen him, He was at least a good foot taller, with much broader shoulders. Bucky had to actively try not to drool. “You do too, but… I thought you were smaller.” Steve chuckled and scratched the back of his neck. “I had a growth spurt right after I moved away.” “You look… really good,” Bucky said. He took in Steve’s chest and thick arms that filled out his jacket just right. His mind wandered to the last time those arms had been wrapped around him in a hug, when Steve was thinner and shorter. He couldn’t help but wonder how it would feel now to have them wrap around his body; to get lost in that strong embrace. “Bucky?” Steve asked, meeting the other man’s eye. “Huh? Yeah?” Bucky came back to himself with a jolt, cursing his train of thought. “You wanna get a drink later? Catch up?” “Yeah,” Bucky replied as a brilliant smile bloomed across Steve’s face. “Yeah, I’d like that.” Steve gave Bucky his card, adding his personal cell number and making Bucky promise to call him. Then he had to go, and Bucky was left standing there, feeling dumbstruck. He heaved a sigh the moment the room was clear. He was so, so screwed. ~/~ “What the hell was that?” Shuri asked the moment he got back to desk. “What are you talking about?” “Um… how about the way you eye-fucked Stark’s lawyer the entire time? Although it seems to have worked in our favor. We should pimp you out more.”

“I did not ‘eye-fuck’ anyone,” Bucky protested. “Steve’s just an old friend.” “Right… ‘friend.’ You know, it’s 2019. You don’t have to use euphemisms anymore.” “I’m not covering anything! I’ve never tried to hide my sexuality. But Steve was never like that. We grew up together.” “From the way you were looking at him, it seems like homeboy ‘glowed up.’ You gonna go for it?” “Nah. Steve’s not into guys. He’s a heterosexual, all-American boy,” Bucky replied, unable to hide the tinge of sadness in his voice. “You might want to reconsider that opinion,” Shuri replied. “What makes you say that?” “Because he spent the entire meeting looking at you the same way you were looking at him.”

This new information distracted Bucky for the rest of the day, and he had trouble focusing on even the most basic of tasks. Finally, at 4:55, he decided he couldn’t do anything else, and began to pack up. As he flipped through his portfolio, the business card Steve had pressed into his hand fluttered to the ground. Before he could retrieve it, Shuri scooped it up.

“Steve Rogers gave you his card, did he? And he wrote his personal number on there?”

“Yeah… he mentioned going to get a drink.”

“So call him!”

“Yeah… I will. Just… I need some time. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Steve. A lot’s changed. I’m not the same kid I was in high school.”

Shuri’s gaze softened and she placed a gentle hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “I think the issue is actually that you’re a lot more like that kid than you realized, and seeing an old friend brought it all back.”

Bucky huffed a sigh and gave her a wry smile. “As usual, you prove how much smarter you are than me.”

“You heading out. Bucky?” Peter asked, poking his head over the cube wall once more.

“Yeah Pete. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Actually, would you be free to head over to Nick’s with me? I wanted to ask your advice about something.” His gaze shifted to Shuri and he gave a scowl “ Away from interfering parties.”

Bucky laughed. “Alright Pete, yeah. Let’s do it.”

~/~

Steve Rogers was an adult. He’d graduated early from Harvard Law and landed a lucrative position at Stark Inc. before he’d turned 25. So influential was he in that role that he’s ended up becoming one of the principal members of the legal team at the company 18 months later. Steve was on lists like “30 under 30” and he didn’t like to brag, but he was considered in some circles to be a ‘big deal’. So why did he currently feel like a nervous teenager waiting by the phone?

He’d tried to play it off, but seeing Bucky earlier that day had thrown him. Bucky had been his best friend for the majority of his young life. He brought school work when Steve was sick and sat by his bed, helping to keep him entertained. As they got older, he’d helped protect Steve when he got into fights he couldn’t finish. He’d been there in good and bad times. Losing Bucky in his life was a blow Steve had never really recovered from.

After the meeting, he’d wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of the day catching up with his friend, but there was too much to do. He cursed himself for not getting a commitment to meet the other man somewhere later on. Leaving the planning up to Bucky filled him with anxiety. Steve did not like to wait. He was not a waiter. He was a doer.

At five-o'clock his phone finally rang, the caller an unknown number. He felt his heart pounding in his chest as he pressed the ‘accept’ button.

“Bucky?”

The voice on the other end of the line gave a dry laugh. It was definitely female, so not Bucky. “No, this is Shuri.”

It took a moment for his brain to catch up with the name. “Oh, yes, from WT, right?” It was a bit strange that she was calling his personal line, but he wasn’t going to be rude. “How can I help you?”

“This isn’t business related, Mr. Rogers.”

“Please, call me Steve.”

“Yes, Steve,” she replied. “I thought you might want to know where Bucky Barnes is heading for an after work drink.”

“Oh, well if he wants me to join him, I’m sure he’ll call me and give me the place.” He pulled his phone away from his head to look at the screen, silently hoping there would be another incoming call.

“No, Steve, I don’t believe he will. I have worked with Sergeant Barnes for two years, and I know when he is vacillating. This is one of those times. He needs a nudge in the right direction.”

“I don’t know if that’s really-”

“Trust me Mr. Rogers, he would not call you of his own accord.”

This felt wrong to Steve, a violation of his old friend’s privacy. “I mean, if he doesn’t want to call me, he doesn’t have to. I’m not going to force him if he doesn’t want to.”

“No, he wants to. Of that I am sure.”

“What’s your aim here?” Steve asked, his tone changing as his suspicion rose. He didn’t want to insult the young woman, but he was starting to wonder why she was so invested in telling him where Bucky was going to be.

“I don’t mean any harm. I only wish to see my friend Bucky happy, and I know he’ll talk himself out of calling you if left to his own devices.”

Steve sighed as he took in her words. He wanted to believe that Bucky was more confident than that, but the last time he’d been in contact with his friend, he’d had the same impression. “Tell me.”

She gave him the name and address of the bar where Bucky was heading.

“Are you sure he’s gonna be there? Maybe he’s just going home?”

“He’ll be there. Our coworker Peter is going with him to make sure.”

“Is everyone at WT in on this?”

He could practically hear her smile on the other end of the line. “Just get there, Mr. Rogers. As soon as you can.”

~/~

Seeing Steve earlier in the day brought back a flood of memories for Bucky. Steve had been his best friend for his entire childhood, all the way through to the summer before their junior year of high school. He and Steve did everything together. They grew up alongside one another and had been closer in many ways than Bucky was to his own flesh-and-blood sibling.

But Steve was more than just a brother. He’d been Bucky’s first love. At the same time that he was just starting to realize his sexuality, he simultaneously realized that he was head-over-heels for Steven Grant Rogers.

When they were younger, Steve had been overlooked by nearly everyone. He was the smallest kid in class and had a slew of health problems that were the likely culprit for his stunted growth. Most prominent was his asthma, followed closely by a spinal curvature that led to him wearing a back brace for a few years. He had poor eyesight with color blindedness, which he wore thick glasses to help correct. And he had a weak immune system that caused him to get sick, and therefore miss school, all the time.

None of the other kids wanted to play with Steve. They were irritated with his inability to keep up when they ran. Or how he would break into a coughing fit in the middle of a dare, freaking everyone out with the fear that one of their cohorts might actually die from one of their stupid stunts.

Bucky was the opposite of Steve. Rambunctious and outgoing, he’d been friends with nearly everyone. He always had kids asking him to play. But Bucky only ever wanted to hang out with Steve.

He couldn’t remember the exact moment he’d first felt drawn to Steve. Bucky had known the other boy since the first grade, but they weren’t in the same class until the third grade. Because they lived in the same building, Bucky would often bring homework for Steve to do when he was out sick. At first, Steve’s mom had just expected Bucky to leave the work and run off, as other children must have done, but Bucky was precocious little fuck.

“How’s Stevie doin’ Mrs. Rogers?”

“Oh,” she’d replied, genuinely surprised at his question. “He’s getting better. He’s in his room, but he’s up and reading.”

“Can I go say hi to him?”

“Sure. Let me just poke my head in and let him know you’re here.”

Steve had seemed just as surprised at Bucky’s appearance as his mother, but welcomed the company.

“Whatcha readin’?” Bucky asked, pointing to the comic book in Steve’s lap.

“Oh, um… X-Men.”

“Killer! I like X-Men too! Who’s your favorite? I like Wolverine.”

Steve smiled at Bucky then, a real, genuine smile, and launched into a diatribe about how his favorite was Professor Xavier because even though he was in a wheelchair, he was one of the most powerful of the X-Men, but he still used his power for good, taking in young mutants and helping to guide them.

From that day forward, Steve and Bucky spent almost every afternoon together, talking about comics, movies (they once had a very heated debate about which trilogy had the superior Harrison Ford performance: Star Wars or Indiana Jones), and, when they were older, girls.

One afternoon, when they were 12 and sitting in Steve’s room, the blond turned to his friend and very innocently asked “You ever kissed a girl, Buck?”

“Yep,” Bucky replied nonchalantly, only half listening while he flipped through a comic book.

“What?! No way! When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Bucky looked up at his friend and cringed. “It’s not my proudest moment.”

“When was it?”

“At Sharon Carter’s last birthday party. She wanted to play ‘spin-the-bottle.’”

Steve got a dreamy look at the mention of Sharon’s name. It was hardly a secret that he had a thing for the girl. She was kind to Steve, but had no inclination toward him. Steve had actually been invited to that party, but hadn’t been able to go because he was recovering from a wicked bout of bronchitis.

He looked back to Bucky with a goofy smile. “Who’d you kiss?”

Bucky’s face went red at that.

“Who was it?”

Bucky bit his lip for a moment, deliberating what to say, before finally deciding on the truth. He never usually kept secrets from Steve, and this one had been eating him alive. “I kissed Sharon.” He watched in horror as his friend’s face fell. “I’m sorry man!” Bucky continued. “I know you like her, and I didn’t want to, but the bottle landed on me when she spun it, and it was her birthday party, and I didn’t want to reject her in front of everyone.” He huffed a breath as he paused.

Steve, being Steve, gave him a gentle smile. “It’s okay, I get it.” His smile broadened into a grin. “How was it?”

“Kind of embarrassing,” Bucky admitted with a groan. “We went into a closet, and I was so nervous that I just barely gave her a peck. I couldn’t touch her because my hands were so sweaty. I didn’t want to gross her out.”

“Well maybe there’s hope for me yet.”

“As long as you can kiss better than I did.”

“Doubtful,” Steve snorted. “At least you’ve kissed someone once. I’ve never kissed anyone.”

Bucky got a wild idea then, and didn’t have the good sense to censor himself before blurting it out. “Wanna practice on me?”

“What?” Steve’s face was a mixture of shock and confusion.

“I mean, we’re buds, right? Let’s just practice with each other. Make us more ready when the next time comes.”

“Um… okay.”

Although his first kiss was technically with Sharon, Bucky always considered his kiss with Steve to be his first true kiss. It ignited feelings in him that he didn’t quite understand. He had a hard time looking at Steve the same, once he knew how soft the other boy’s lips were.

Steve eventually did get to kiss Sharon. Despite her initial reluctance, she decided to give Steve a chance and they even went steady for a few weeks in the eighth grade. But beyond that, Steve never had much luck with girls.

He remained smaller than all the other guys in their class, and ended up being the target of more than a few bullies. But Steve was scrappy. Although he was small, he could take a hit, and refused to run or stand down when confronted. Bucky always teetered on the fine line between when to let Steve stand up for himself and when to intervene to make sure Steve didn’t get seriously injured.

Bucky continued to hang out with Steve, even as he was taunted for it by the more popular kids in high school. He didn’t really care what anyone else said. Steve was his best friend.

One night during freshman year, when they were talking on the phone, Steve was whining to Bucky about how he would never have a shot with another girl in his life.

“You’re great, Stevie,” Bucky’d said, more than a little annoyed with the situation. “The right girl will come along eventually. She’ll see all the good in you and not worry about the other stuff.”

“I wish I could find a girl just like you, Bucky.”

That caused a lump to stick in Bucky’s throat. He’d decided to never tell Steve how he felt, knowing that Steve didn’t reciprocate his feelings. Bucky was terrified of destroying their friendship. He swallowed thickly before replying. “You do?”

“Yeah. You’re my best friend, Buck, and you always see the best in me. I’m so glad I have you.”

“I’m glad to have you too,” Bucky choked out in response. He’d almost decided to confess his feelings then, but Steve sighed and changed the subject before he had a chance.

“What about you, huh? I heard Lori’s got a thing for ya’.”

“Well, um… I think I might be gay,” Bucky replied, in lieu of confessing. He had been deliberating for some time on how to share this with Steve. He knew Steve, and knew his friend would never reject him, but, nevertheless, he braced himself for a bad response.

“Oh yeah?” Steve simply replied, and Bucky was immensely relieved to hear the smile in his friend’s voice.

“Yeah,” he sighed in relief.

“Okay man, cool. You got your eye on anyone, or just been thinking this for a bit?”

“Just been thinkin’ it,” Bucky admitted, not quite ready to tell Steve that he only had eyes for his best friend.

That had been the extent of Bucky’s coming out for another year, before he finally confessed to his parents and friends. He ended up going on a couple dates, had a few kisses, but never dated anyone seriously until after Steve moved.

The summer before their junior year, just after Steve turned sixteen, a bomb dropped in his world. His father, who had left his mother heartbroken when he was just a baby, suddenly died. Steve was shocked to learn that his dad had left him a house and a sizable amount of money. The house was in Indiana, and he was contacted by the grandfather he never knew he had to come out for a visit.

That summer ended up being a turning point for Steve. He got into a medical trial that ended up helping him overcome several of his physical ailments. Sarah went out several times to visit her son, and ended up really liking the area. When the summer ended, Steve’s grandpa asked if they would consider moving there. The house was nice, and Sarah would be able to make more money as a nurse if she wasn’t paying rent. And Steve wanted to get to know his family. His only concern was leaving Bucky.

“Come on, man,” Bucky’d assured him. “We got lots of ways to stay in touch. You ain’t getting rid of me.”

So Steve had gone, and although he never said anything, Bucky’s heart broke that day.

At first, they’d stayed in touch much the same way they had during the summer, through email, phone calls, and instant messaging, but, as the school year progressed, they began to drift apart. Steve had new friends. Since he wasn’t sick all the time and missing out on everything, he had an easier time meeting people. It was a fresh start for Steve, and Bucky didn’t want to keep his friend from his new social circle.

So, instead, Bucky dealt with his heartbreak in self-destructive ways: drinking heavily, experimenting with drugs, and losing his virginity to a random encounter at a party. He had lots of sex during his last two years of high school, with boys and girls. The further Bucky fell down the rabbit hole, the less he would talk to Steve. In the end, he screwed his grades up so bad that he barely graduated and didn’t have any college offers or scholarships to speak of. Directionless, he’d opted to enlist in the Army.

Enlistment had been the final thing to sever his connection to Steve. They had separate lives, and Bucky just assumed there was no chance he’d ever run into the other man again.

~/~

Bucky sat in the bar, trying not to lose his shit on Peter. He really did like the younger man, but he could be a bit over eager at times, like a puppy. Today seemed to be one of those days.

Peter got up to head to the bathroom, and Bucky decided to approach the bartender and order something harder than the beer he’d been nursing. As he stood there, waiting for his drink, he heard a surly voice speak from behind him.

“Barnes.”

“Jones,” he replied, turning to face the newcomer. Bucky liked Jessica Jones, even if she was an acquired taste. She was a PI that he’d met in this very bar, when she’d caught him on a date with a cheating husband. Jessica didn’t want to blow her cover, but after she had the pictures, she pulled Bucky aside and clued him in. Bucky had no idea his date was married, and thanked God that he hadn’t slept with the man.

“What are you doing here?” Jessica asked, the hint of a smile playing across her face. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Yeah, I haven’t been going out much. It’s cheaper to drink at home and don’t have to wear pants.”

“Can’t argue with that logic.”

Bucky considered her for a moment. Her dark hair hung down past her shoulders, and she was dressed in her usual armor of a t-shirt, jeans, boots, and a leather jacket. But something was different. It could have been a trick of the light, but she seemed to have taken a little more care with her makeup. Her brown eyes looked bigger than usual thanks to her artful eyeliner. And she wore a dark lipstick that set off her creamy skin beautifully. “Something’s changed about you, Jones. What’s going on?”

She schooled her features and gave him a stern look before breaking out into a full-on grin. Bucky couldn’t stop his small gasp when she smiled. She was truly beautiful, but her usually sour disposition tended to put people off.

“Okay, who are you and what have you done with my friend Jessica?”

“Shut up,” she replied, shoving his shoulder. “I’m on a date.” She nodded her head to the table behind her, where a gorgeous man with tan skin, jet black hair, and a neatly trimmed beard sat, watching them with interest.

“Damn girl,” Bucky replied, looping her arm with his own. “Does he swing both ways? Cause if so, send him my way when you’re done with him.”

“Oh fuck off, Barnes,” she laughed, freeing her arm.

Bucky relaxed for the first time all day, forgetting his nerves about Steve in his excitement for his friend. “You look good, Jess. Happy.”

“Thanks.” She glanced at something just over Bucky’s shoulder. “Well, I just wanted to come say hi since I haven’t seen you in a while. I’m gonna go back to my date and let you get back to yours.”

“Oh, no, I’m not on a date, just here with Pete from work.”

“Yeah?” She leaned in close and whispered as quietly as she could in the din of the bar. “Then who’s the blond beefcake two stools down who keeps staring at you?”

Bucky turned his head suddenly to see Steve sitting there, wearing a smirk and looking positively delicious. He’d removed his jacket and unbuttoned the top three buttons of his shirt, exposing the hollow of his throat. Bucky bit back the sudden urge to trace the other man’s adam’s apple with his tongue. “Oh my God… that’s Steve. I didn’t call him. How’d he know I was here?”

“That’s Steve?” Jessica asked, and Bucky automatically hissed at her to keep her voice down. He had shared the story with her one night over drinks, and she knew all about the torch he carried. “Well, Mazel Tov and all that,” she said with a wink. “Let’s get coffee sometime and you can tell me how good he fucks. And um…” she leaned to the left slightly, presumedly to check Steve out, “maybe we could arrange a trade.”

“Fuck you Jones.”

Jessica had already turned away when she called over her shoulder “We tried that, remember?”

Despite his annoyance, Bucky managed one last smile while he flipped her the bird, before gathering his courage to turn around and face Steve.

~/~

Steve watched Bucky with interest as he turned away from the stunning brunette he’d been talking to. He couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of the ease between them. It was obvious they weren’t lovers, but they were friends, and Steve missed having Bucky as his friend.

Bucky downed the shot he’d ordered and left the glass on the bar as he sauntered over to Steve. That was really the only way Steve could describe his walk. He didn’t seem as confident as the Bucky Barnes of their childhood, but he sure as hell knew how to fake it.

“Either you’re stalking me or Peter slipped something in my beer and I blacked out, because I don’t remember calling you.” Steve felt his cheeks warm as Bucky spoke. He took a minute to process the words, realizing they were harsher than the tone Bucky used to convey them.

“Um, right… well, Shuri called me and let me know you’d be here, so I thought I’d stop by after work and see if you’d be up for that drink.” He hadn’t looked Bucky in the eyes yet. “I can go, if it’s making you uncomfortable.” He moved to grab his wallet and pay for his beer.

“No, Steve, wait,” Bucky said, with a chuckle. “I was fuckin’ with you. Don’t go. I’m glad you’re here.”

“Yeah?” Steve’s lips spread wide in a grin and he finally looked up to meet Bucky’s gaze. What he saw there was heart-stopping. Bucky always had the most beautiful eyes, their color a cool gray-blue that changed from icy to steel depending on his mood. Right now they were brilliant, even in the dim light of the bar. And they were complimented by an amazing smile.

“Yeah,” Bucky replied, not breaking eye contact.

They stood there for a few seconds, just drinking one another in, before the spell was broken by the approach of Bucky’s coworker.

“Hey Buck-” Peter began.

“Shit! Pete! I’m sorry man,” Bucky replied before Peter could finish his sentence. “I abandoned you. I just ran into a couple people, and-”

“Yeah, man, no problem,” Peter replied. “I was actually gonna say I gotta split. My buddy Ned called and he needs me to come over.” Bucky raised his eyebrows at that, but before he could say anything, Peter sputtered on. “I mean… not ‘needs me’ like that, needs me. Ned’s just a friend. I mean… not that I have any problem with dudes, but Ned’s got a girlfriend and I’m kind of into this girl we went to high school together, and-”

Bucky interrupted the younger man’s diatribe. “Pete, it’s okay. You didn’t say anything to offend me.”

“Phew, that’s a relief,” Peter said, literally wiping his hand across his brow as he said the word ‘phew.’ Steve’s nerdy heart went out to the younger man. He could definitely remember being just as awkward in his own youth.

Peter swiftly made his exit, and Bucky ordered a fresh beer, abandoning the one he’d had at the table he was sitting at with Peter. He settled onto the stool next to Steve.

“So, bigwig legal guy at Stark Inc. at 28, huh? How’d you manage that?

Steve blushed again and looked down at the bar top. “I met Tony in college, and he took over his Dad’s company just as I was finishing law school. He contacted me and asked me to interview for a job on their legal team. I wasn’t about to turn down an opportunity like that. After I got the job, Tony told me he needed to clean house and that he wanted someone with his ear to the ground in legal. I helped him catch some bad actors, and when their positions were vacated, Tony asked if I wanted to take one.”

“Damn, that’s quite the story.”

“Yeah, it’s kind of unbelievable, right? Little guy from Brooklyn like me ending up here.”

“Yeah…” Bucky trailed off as he took a swig of his beer. “I always believed that little guy would go places.”

“That means a lot coming from you, Buck.” Steve looked over at the other man, his eyes soft.

“I never stopped believing in you, Stevie,” he replied, his voice soft.

“So…” Steve said after a pause. “What about you? How’d you’d end up at WT?”

“I met Okoye, the head of their HR, at a VA job fair.”

“Yeah? I remembered you enlisted after graduation. How long did you serve?”

“Six years, three tours. I was planning to retire, but I got injured on my last tour and was medically discharged.”

“Shit… What happened?”

“IED. Not a very big one, but enough to do some serious damage to my left arm. I was a sniper, and I couldn’t keep doing that job if I couldn’t hold the gun steady.”

“Oh damn… I’m sorry to hear that man.”

Bucky looked at Steve for a second, his eyes watering and his upper lip quivering. Steve felt his heart speed up at the thought of his friend’s pain. He started to stand up to give the other man a hug when Bucky’s face broke into a huge grin.

“You always were so gullible Stevie.”

“You jerk!” Steve replied with a laugh as he settled back on his stool.

Bucky pretended to look hurt. “What? Me? I’m not the one laughing at a wounded veteran, ya’ punk!”

“Yeah. yeah, asshole.” Steve tilted his beer to take a swig, his eyes never leaving Bucky’s. When he placed the bottle back down on the bartop, his smile faded a little, becoming wistful. “I’ve missed you, Buck. What happened to us?”

“I’m an asshole who doesn’t deserve nice things, that’s what,” Bucky said, suddenly looking anywhere but at Steve.

~/~

“What the hell does that mean?” Steve asked, and Bucky felt his heart constrict a little more. Sweet Stevie, always caring so much about everyone else.

“Look… it was a long time ago. Let’s forget I said anything. Tell me more about you.”

“No, Buck. I don’t want to forget it. What did you mean? If anything, I’m the asshole in the situation since I left.”

“No, Steve, no.” Bucky suddenly felt panicked at the thought that Steve would ever blame himself. Without thinking, he grabbed Steve’s hand in his own. “You could never be an asshole. You have always been the kindest, most selfless person I know. You going to Indiana was a good thing, wasn’t it? Without that, you might never have gotten healthy, and I doubt you could have afforded law school if you and your mom stayed in Brooklyn.”

“Then why? Why did we lose touch? We were always so close. Even when I had nothing, I had you.”

Bucky cringed. Even after all these years, it physically pained him to keep anything from Steve. “It was all my fault. I became a mess those last two years of high school. I was a drugged out loser. I barely graduated. You didn’t need someone like me dragging you down.”

Steve’s face softened and he squeezed Bucky’s hand with his own. “You would never have dragged me down. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to help you. It sounds like you were really hurting back then.”

“I was trying to find something.”

“What was that?”

Bucky looked up at Steve then, his eyes a bright cornflower blue, expressing his earnestness. “You,” Bucky replied, unable to tear his gaze away. “I was trying to find you.”

“You knew where I was, Bucky. If you needed me, I would have come back in a heartbeat.”

“I didn’t want to tear you away from your new life. You finally had everything you ever wanted. How selfish would it have been if I’d asked you to come back because I was working through a little bit of depression?”

“But, other than my ma, no one has ever been more important to me that you. I would have done anything to help you.”

“Naw… you had a new life. I remember those pictures on Facebook. You had that cute little girlfriend. The blonde one, kinda looked like Sharon. What was her name?”

“Kate,” Steve said with a small grin. “I think the main reason I first talked to her was because she reminded me of Sharon.” Bucky made to pull his hand free, but Steve kept his grip strong. “But what did you mean when you said you were trying to find me?”

“I…” Bucky sighed deeply and looked at the floor. “I wanted to find someone to take your place in my life. So I wouldn’t feel so empty.”

“Did it work?”

“No. Every person I hooked up with just made me feel more alone, but I kept trying. I must have slept my way through half of the teenage population of Brooklyn, but no one could hold a candle to you.”

Steve suddenly got very still. “What do you mean, Bucky? We never hooked up.”

Shit , Bucky thought, there goes my big fuckin’ mouth gettin’ me in trouble again. He looked up to meet Steve’s eyes once more, his mouth gaping like a fish out of water..

“Bucky… did you… did you want to be with me?”

“I… uh…” fuckfuckfuck “Um… I mean…” He felt his face flushing crimson red. “Shit. I never meant to tell you that Stevie. I’m sorry. Fuck… Let me just.” He grabbed his wallet out of his pocket and threw down whatever cash he had on hand, praying it was enough to cover his drinks. He’d just humiliated himself in front of Steve. The last thing he needed was to also stick him with the bill.

Steve stared open-mouthed as Bucky turned and walked as fast as he could out of the bar, heading for the parking lot. He was unlocking his car door when he heard Steve calling out his name.

“I’m sorry Stevie. Please… let me go home and hide for a while. I can’t deal with this right now.” He realized he was babbling, but it was like a dam broke and he couldn’t stop. “We were just reconnecting and then I went and fucked it up. Damnit… I am so sorry Steve. Please can we just forget I said anything? It was a long time ago and-”

He was cut off abruptly when Steve surged forward and captured Bucky’s mouth with his own. Bucky was shocked momentarily before his reflexes kicked in and he kissed back, Steve’s lips just as soft as he remembered them. He moaned softly as Steve’s hand grazed up his neck and over his jawline. The kiss seemed to drag on forever, a heavenly meeting of plush lips and velvety tongues and light nips of teeth. Bucky felt himself swoon a little inside.

When they finally broke apart, their chests panting, Steve brought his other hand up to cup Bucky’s cheeks. “You still talk too fuckin’ much,” he growled, and Bucky laughed before leaning back in for another kiss.

“I didn’t think you liked guys,” Bucky said in awe when they separated once more.

“Bucky… I have been gone for you from the moment you kissed me when we were kids. I was just so afraid to tell you then and lose you as a friend.”

“You punk… we could have had so much more time together if you’d have just said something!” Bucky chuckled as he pulled Steve’s body closer to his own.

“If I’d have said something? You’re the chatterbox you jerk! You should have told me how you felt.”

“I didn’t want to lose your friendship either.”

“Shit… we gotta get better at communicating with each other if we’re gonna make things work this time around.”

“Why don’t we start practicing on Friday? Will you go out on a date with me, Stevie?”

“Yes,” Steve whispered before closing in on Bucky for another mind-blowing kiss.

~/~

The next morning, when Bucky walked into work, Shuri was standing in the middle of their shared workspace wearing a self-satisfied smirk. “Did you have a good night, Bucky?”

Bucky tried to look offended, he really did, but he’d spent the night having pleasant dreams of kissing Steve at an outside table of a restaurant by the waterside. He smiled at his coworker. “I did.” He shrugged off his backpack and sat at his computer.

“How is Steve?” She asked as she followed him. “Will you be seeing him again?”

“You really don’t do subtle, do you?”

“I don’t have time for such things. Do you have a date or not?”

“Yes,” he replied, unable to hide his grin.

Shuri squealed with delight and danced in place. “Bucky’s gonna get nasty!”

“Just don’t send him any dick pics,” Peter mumbled from the other side of the cube wall.

Bucky blushed in response and Shuri cackled. “It’s too late for that, Peter!” she called back. “Did he send you one back?”

“I’m not saying anything about that, Shuri.”

She chuckled and took her seat at her desk. “As a sign of your gratitude, I fully expect your first daughter to be named after me.”

“Well, I was planning to do that anyway,” Bucky said with a grin.

“Damn right you were.”

Bucky looked up at his monitor and began to peruse his email. A minute later a notification popped up on his phone with a text from Steve.

Can’t wait for tomorrow night.

Bucky was unable to hide his grin as he picked up his phone to send a response.

If you enjoyed this, I’d really love a like, reblog, or comment (or all three!). Thanks for reading!

#stucky #stucky fanfiction #stucky fanfic #Bucky Barnes #Steve Rogers #shuri #Shuri is awesome #Jessica Jones #Bumbling Peter Parker #Women of Marvel ship Stucky #branwrites

12 notes · View notes

flowerwrites06 · 2 years ago

Note

Hello author! I just finished your Bow to You series and wow!!!!! I enjoyed it so much I had to keep reading to find out the ending even though I was supposed to go to bed LOL I have a few lingering questions, I hope that’s ok!!

1. I’m curious as to what was jungkook’s true reason for doing everything he did? I know in one of the later chapters he comes to the realization that he never loved lula, mei or ichiko, so what was the reason for upturning the whole kingdom for them?! He was so convincing in that one scene where he cries to belle about how he needed an heir but he also needed her, but then if it was genuinely only about getting an heir why did he fight so hard to show off Lula (and the rest of the girls) like why was the whole Lula thing the hill that he chose to die on 😂 was it just a case of he wanted to have his cake and eat it too? Did he even love Belle when all of this was happening? (While he was still king and had his harems I mean)

2. I got the feeling that earlier on in their marriage both of them had a negative view of kings having harems and all that, when Belle asked him “so you’re just like other kings then?” If that was the case then what changed his views from then til now?

3. On the complete other hand, let’s say Belle was actually unable to have children at all and it wasn’t just stress that was causing her to miscarry, what would have been the alternative? Like let’s say they kept trying and trying until belle was at menopause and was physically unable to have a baby, would she have been supportive of the idea of a consort then? I feel like at that point as a queen she wouldn’t have been as opposed to it because she would know that it was something necessary to continue their bloodline, but it’s just the way jungkook went about it in the way that he did was so disrespectful.. I don’t blame her for leaving him!! His actions were seriously so frustrating I wanted to smack him hahhaha

I hope my questions made sense, I’m sorry they’re kinda long winded!!! I can’t wait to start reading your other works, I’m so so glad I found your page! 💜

dfgrgohugr thank you so much nonnie!!! I appreciate the support on my story!! And please I welcome questions no matter how long-winded, this actually made me so happy!

Okay here goes:

Question 1

Jungkook was a good husband and good man to an extent but he’s also prone to pride and possession. Especially when the fact that his dynasty dying with him starts to bother him a lot more as time goes on. Also, I didn’t address one thing explicitly in the story which was my bad but impromptu stories with no planning can be like that sometimes.

Jungkook was also pretty traumatized by the three miscarriages Belle suffered. It cut through to his insecurities more than he could handle psychologically. So the way he reacts to it is to overcompensate by being like ‘look, look, look at all the women I can have and all the babies I’m making’ type of behaviour.

At the same time, Jungkook didn’t want to lose his wife. When Belle doesn’t notice or realise his excessive need to feel powerful carnally and paternally, he acts out. It’s this confusing tightrope he puts himself on where he wants his wife to support him in this decision but also doesn’t want to listen to her side of the story.

Jungkook definitely loved Belle throughout this fiasco but his perception of this love became heavily distorted after the trauma of not being able to conceive together. It’s also good to mention that Jungkook and Belle have many siblings. The concept of them having difficulties conceiving children never crossed Jungkook’s mind.

Miscarriages and stillbirths are common during this time but Jungkook was also very young when they happened (in his own family) and also probably wasn’t told about those tragedies. This strong belief of fertility, unfortunately, became an obsession especially since Belle was going through multiple traumatizing miscarriages.

As for Lula, the reason why Jungkook started putting her on a pedestal is because Lula agreed with the person he turned into. Belle didn’t. Belle knew and believed that Jungkook could be a better man even though it would be a difficult path BUT they could walk it together. Jungkook didn’t want to deal with that. Lula played along with Jungkook’s downward spiral and to an extent, wanted to take advantage of it. However, the moment Lula stopped playing along to Jungkook’s spiral, she was cast aside and Ichiko replaced that slot. It’s not anything special about Lula, Jungkook just wanted a support by his side even if it meant he was becoming more alone in the process.

Question 2

They did! Both their fathers had big harems and many children they weren’t attached to. Jungkook especially was basically invisible in his family. Belle was well-loved as a daughter but she often noticed how her mother didn’t like the competition in harems. Some of the competition was bad that literal infants were killed in the process. So harems have always had a bad impact on the two royals so Jungkook made a promise not to have a harem.

In general, Jungkook wasn’t interested in having a harem. He loved Belle genuinely and had no interest in other women. That’s not to say people never tried to encourage a harem on him since it was the norm (which made their hate for harems worse). Like I said before, the growing trauma from miscarriages and deep insecurities did change Jungkook’s resolve through time.

Jungkook and Belle are very used to seeing kings have harems. It is the norm.

So what happens when a king who deviates from the norm starts having no children in seven years of marriage?

Insecurities and regrets. Lots of them.

Question 3

Belle would probably handpick two healthy concubines that she can ‘regulate’ sessions with Jungkook. The suggestion she made to have control over the concubines was her way of kind of showing support because deep down, she did worry that she might not have any children at all.

However, if Jungkook was somehow adamant on being monogamous, Belle and Jungkook would have actually made the decision to adopt two heirs. One from the Silk Kingdom and another from the Garden Kingdom. It’s not ideal and goes against the traditional concepts of a dynasty but since Jungkook didn’t have a harem and was already breaking rules, it wouldn’t be too much of a surprise.

I really enjoyed answering these questions, thank you so much for asking them! I hope these answers were to your liking and I glad you enjoyed the story!

#replies #bow to you

1 note · View note

prudencepaccard · 6 years ago

Text

truly bizarre interaction that was like the intellectual equivalent of that thing at the karaoke bar

where this one guy who was part of a friend group I ended up hanging out with at a bar became progressively more deadpan hostile and competitive with me to the point that I finally returned his (explicit) challenges with a lighthearted plea for solidarity and then he claimed there was no competition but he’d LITERALLY SAID THERE WAS

it started with him asking me what my diss was on. I said “the imaginary of the bagnes metropolitains in the nineteenth century” and then used some synonyms in case he didn’t know what I meant because that happens sometimes, people only know one term so I was like “i.e., the bagnes metropolitains and the bagnes portuaires“ and he still seemed not to get it so I was like “travaux forces [hard labor]” and he was like “in what era?” and I repeated “the nineteenth century” and he seemed confused so I thought I’d address the most common source of confusion and said “not Guyana, not the colonies d’outre-mer, the bagnes metropolitains” and he was like “you mean Cayenne?” and I was like “not, precisely not that, the thing that preceded that” and he was like “Ah but that’s not travaux forces, that’s the bagne”

and I was like first of all, what, second of all I said “the bagne” first thing already but seriously what

and he was like “it’s not the same thing, travaux forces is anachronistic, we still have that today”

and I was like “but that was also a specific term used back then, a contemporary descriptive term. Along with the peine des fers. It’s in the code penal and it was used popularly. LIke you’re right that it’s not as specific as bagne but it’s not incorrect to use it interchangeably, they’re part of the same repertoire. Also I said bagne already”

and he’s like “well I didn’t hear you, sorry. And this isn’t an insult or anythiing but I’m just saying it’s wrong, French is very nuanced”

and I’m like “yes but it’s actually a very specific and correct term in this particular context. I get that there could be ambiguity potentially but since I’ve already estavlished that I’m talking about the bagne then travaux forces is a precise and apt term”

and he’s like “prisoners and bagnards aren’t the same thign”

and I’m like “yes but the word travaux forces can describe both. There’s overlap in some of the vocabulary and that’s one of the words in the middle of the Venn diagram. I get what you’re trying to say but you’re going too far”

“no, I don’t agree, you can’t use that term, it’s wrong”

“listen let me find an analogous example in English...so like, we use the term hard labor to describe actual practices today, right? but it’s still correct to say Oscar Wilde was sentenced to hard labor in the Victorian era”

“well how about the word slavery? would you use that interchangeably with travaux forces?”

“no, because it’s not juridique”

“aha see they’re three different things!”

“no they’re not that’s my point, there are two categories, travaux forces and the bagne have things in common with each other whereas slavery is in its own category”

“but they used the word slavery back then for the bagne too! [implying, I guess, that if it’s incorrect to say slavery for the bagne it’s incorrect to say travaux forces too]”

“only ona metaphorical level, the bagne was never characterized as slavery in legal documents etc. Travaux forces is a technical term”

“hey sorry I need a smoke” and then he just ended it there

and then later he asked me how many languages I knew. I’d already complimented him on his English and been genuinely impressed that he knows/dabbles in four languages which is more than I study seriously

but he was still just...like this. I told him I was only fluent in French and English but that I’d studied Russian in college and Mandarin as a middle schooler. I was very clear I suck at Russian and have forgotten all my Mandarin. Nonetheless later he made a reference to me speaking four languages and I said I didn’t and he kind of rolled his eyes and shrugged

and eventually he just...started quizzing me on words. Like do I know what this means, do I know what this means, it was super weird and confrontaitonal. And if you know me you know I have a SERIOUS complex about Getting Credit For PRecisely What I Know No More No Less. You also know that I am quite intellectually generous and will never be the first to start a competition but I also don’t like to lose so if I’m challenged I’ll be extremely petty and not my best self. While meanwhile trying to remain as collegial and kind and generous as possible under the circumstances. it’s weird like that

so there was this mix of me desperate to prove I knew a word when I did and ALSO being super chill and genuinely not insecure if I didn’t because I’m Happy to Learn. And BOTH these reactions seemed to spur him on. I think if anything the latter annoyed him more...like punching a too-yielding surface

That second act, btw, seems to have started when he said something slangy to his friend and then said “I ebt you don’t know what that means” and I said “yes I do!” (but like in a cheerful relaxed way because I didn’t know how weird this was going to get) and it turns out that I’d misheard what they’d said, like it was a good guess. But also he misunderstood what I’d misheard and said no I actually said XYZ which as another thing I didn’t hear him say at all (let alone mishear) and which had I heard it I actually WOULD have known what it meant becuase unlike the expression I’d (actually) misheard I knew what it meant. It was “entraver que dalle” which means “understand nothing” and it’s an expression I know from the title song of the movie “Rififi” (which I love so much I bought a lead sheet of it from the 1950s off French eBay and brought it to Marie’s Crisis. Unfortunately the key’s a bit high for me though). It goes “Vous avez l’air d’entraver qu’dalle, a mon histoire quand je vous parle, du rififi...” etc. Ironically about explaining slang. Anyway I like that phrase because it’s delightfully old slang but I’d never heard it said IRL for precisely that reason. So obviously I was kinda eager to show that I knew the expression and how etc. But he was just not returning the ball at all. Like I tried to do some wordplay like “I’ve always wondered wtf the origin of that expression is, it’s so weird, like [*”translates” it laterally in French by substituting synonyms for “entraver” and “dalle”--”enchainer que pave”] it’s a strange combination of words” and he shurgged and was like “yeah but it doesn’t work like that. It’s idiosyncratic. Like “bagne”

BRO

but fellas hands down the worst part was when I was right about someting and he made me doubt myself/concede part of the point because I didn’t want to be both wrong and arrogant (you know how much I hate that). So anything I was less than 100-percent-sure-I-can-cite-sources (i.e., anything intuitive or inferential or built on a foundation of knowledge that yielded a conclusion greater than the sum of its parts) was forfeited and UGH

like at one point he used the word “decortiquer” and asked me “do you know what THAT means” and yes I absolutely do, it’s not even slang/langage courant

and he was like “WHAT”

and I was like “explain, analyze”

and he was like “no”

and I was...confused ebcause...what do you mean “no”? So I thought hm maybe I’m missing some nuance and somehow that made me totally wrong? so I continued like “well like--reduce to its elements--”

and he’s like “omg guys look I can’t even define it in French and she’s doing it in a non-native language fuck”

and it’s liek WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM I DIDN”T WANT TO EVEN PLAY THIS GAME YOU STARTED IT

like who challenges someone to a contest and then pouts because they other person won

(not that you can “win” a conversation!!! irjfiejrdfi FUCK THIS)

and possibly-showing-off-but-also-trying-to-overcompensate-because-I-don’t-know-what-he’s-doing-here I continued like “it’s from Latin ‘cortex’ which means bark [ecorce in French] so when you decortiquer something you’re stripping off the bark and exposing the heart of the tree/matter”

and he just flatly goes “no I don’t think that’s the derivation”

and I’m like “maybe not, I might be saying nonsense”

“that’s not the derivation”

“what is it? if you know, I’m curious about what the etymology really is”

“I don’t know but it’s definitely not that”

(I’m home now. googled it. and

welp.jpg)

then it just kept getting worse like he used the word “branlee” to describe what I was doing to him and then asked me if I knew what it meat and I neede dmore info so I was like “yes--wait” and he was leike “DO YOU OR DON’T KNOW” and I was like “well is it like ‘se branler’ or ‘ebranler’? same root?” and he was like “NO” and in hindsight it definitely is but whatever I DON’T MIND BEING WRONG OR LEARNING THINGS

and after he gave me a definition which made it clear he felt we were in competiton and he was losing--plus some EXTREMELY passive-aggressive “it’s a really common expression, it’s frankly surprising you don’t know it, blah blah” which I responded to with a cheerful “yeah I have a lot of lacunae then that! thanks for helping me!” and he with “yeah it’s really weird you didn’t know that” and me with “I know lol” and him with “I’m glad I could help you learn some French at least”--I finally was like “this branlee thing though, that’s really not what I’m doing! can we be solidaire instead?” (but like as nonconfrontationally as possible) and he was like “oh it’s not a competiton I’m just saying French people are like that”

well either way KNOCK IT OFF

#don't use the word #please

27 notes · View notes