#i love when people give me an excuse to talk ab my projects

[oh-no-its-bird]

srry if this is invasive i ask all my fave ao3 authors this — how many fic drafts you clocking in at? me personally, i'm sitting at a comfy 61 last time i counted

I don't think it's invasive! Honestly I love any excuse to talk ab my writing so ur doing me a huge favor here (Also o shit ,, fave author ,, am I finally a part of the cool ao3 people club??, ,, , , , , my 12 year old self is so jealous rn)

I've only really turned back to fic writing this month (the last time I wrote fic consistsntly was like 4 years ago now, oops) so I'm yet to rack up a real collection of wips! However currently in the works I have uhhh

- baby Kakashi time travels to meet half Hatake Tobirama (almost done!! Maybe!! It keeps getting longer by accident.)

- like 3 paragraphs of a tobimada space mermaid fic

- chapter 3 of Chasing Shadows is like, 1/5th done and sitting in my notes app staring at me expectantly

- magical girl Izuna !!

- one step three steps is also staring at me ominously waiting to get updated

- also I started writing the next chapter of Into the Wardrobe (my old bnha fic) mostly as a joke bc its been 2 years since it's last update (and THAT update also came only after another 2 years so I kind of wanted to keep the trend going for the laughs)

So like, 6 works total I'm trying to work on but only like 5 actual drafts!

(61 is insane I hope to be like you one day but also that sounds like a very special kind of agony)

[ghostiequill]

Sanji x anxious eater reader

No, shut up this is not me projecting (but i know he'd be so sweet about it)

You have a troubled relationship with eating your whole life

No one was the pinpoint cause of it, but seeing all the other people with their ripped abs and perfect hourglass figures caused hesitation everytime you decided to indulge yourself in food

With your sweet tooth, it was even more difficult. Everything delectable delight you would indulge yourself in, you felt a tsunami of guilt afterwards staring at the empty wrapper, devastated at your lack of control

When you decided to join the Straw Hats, you were shocked to see how forward the cook was, despite how you felt about your figure. He would constantly gush over you, how well you fought, bending to your will and would lather you in constant compliments 

The problems came when he tried to spoil you with his cooking, he would go out of his way to serve you first, despite the various teasing protests by the rest of the crew . Every bite was sinful in every sense of the word, the flavors dancing on your tongue as you swallowed both it and the anxious feelings threatening to bubble up. You could feel your stomach rebelling against the contents as you excused yourself early from dinner, not the first time

Unknownst to you, Sanji was hyper aware of your presence on board. He would notice every time you would leave the table early and the smaller portions you would give yourself compared to every else’s, your furrowed brow and anxious looks when he would cook something more decadent for you

He finds you alone one night after he finishes tidying his kitchen and kicking out Luffy for attempting to steal leftovers. He walks up to you gently laying a hand on your shoulder to try not to spook you.

“Hey, are you ok?” He asked

You forced a smile, “Yeah, why wouldn't I be?”

“If there's anything you want to talk about, you can come to me. We’re a crew, we can confide in each other, you know that right?” Sanji’s eyes are full of concern as he squeezes your shoulder 

“Of course, I know that. You've always been so sweet to me, I really feel like we’re a family here” You claim

“I've just noticed you seem really anxious around food, anything I can do to alleviate that pain for you I will do in an instant” Sanji says, his voice eager to please and full of care 

“…It's just been really hard sometimes. I can't help but feel every calorie that passes my lips and I feel like I haven't done enough to earn it”your eyes looking anywhere but his as you force out the confession

Sanji looks taken aback, grabbing your shoulder and gently making you face him.  “You don't have to earn food. You need calories to do things you love. Your body deserves to be nourished and cared for. You don't earn the right to eat. Every meal is an opportunity for self care. There's no conditions to self love. Food is a vital source of life and love that we shouldn’t take for granted. It is my sworn duty as your friend to help protect you from any enemy, including yourself. If you’ll allow me, I can do my best to help” 

Your eyes are full of tears as you finally break down, head in your hands as you start crying. Sanji doesn't say anything else as he rubs your back

The next day for breakfast, he prepares for you an easier meal of eggs and sausage, healthy but still getting in vital calories. It’s like that for every meal, just for you. He would gently introduce richer ingredients in your meals, easing you in with words of affirmation, small touches and toothy smiles

You couldn't help but feel the love prepared with every meal prepared specifically for you and witness Sanji’s affection and see his smile with every bite. 

The following days were filled with nothing but affection, tender gestures, and thoughtful culinary choices. Through his actions, he conveyed a deep love of your body and soul, easing you into a life of indulgence.

[iiikaruz]

New CH episodes have made me officially decide to stop caring about the actual cast of the show </3 (/hj but i wish it was /j)

Anyway would you like to share some of your headcanons/scenarios for the side/minor characters ? It always makes my day 💚💖(/nf)

dude i feel you on these new episodes. wtf is going on over there. anyways, i’ll gladly dump this 10 ton stack of headcanons on you that i wrote down!! Marie Antoinette: 

loves hyperpop and 90s house music. she’s so slay (i have a playlist lol)

into european weirdo cinema like Gaspar Noe’s but she also likes chick flicks (her fave films are Climax (2018), Daisies (1966), and But I’m A Cheerleader (1999).)

frequents on lolita forums and goes to really shady places just to get cute lolita items.

has absolutely mastered voguing. super into ballroom culture.

has a pet borzoi (those groovy long-nosed dogs.) her name is “Vanille” and Marie loves her dearly.

wants to study fashion. she especially loves Vivienne Westwood and Moschino.

Jesús Cristo:

is a juggalo, and he indoctrinated Van Gogh into it as well.

says “it is what it is” at any minor inconvenience.

had a mental crisis at 13 as a product to the stress of living up to his clone father. similar to joan’s breakdown in s1e3 but 10x worse. he tries to ignore it when people bring it up.

designated driver on any road trip. for some reason.

into bands like The Cure whilst also bopping to Cypress Hill.

his fave video game is Parappa the Rapper.

accidentally punching holes/nails into his hand is a common occurrence. seems like it just keeps happening, so he’s learned to just roll with it. he’s also a pretty good nurse bc of it.

Marilyn Monroe:

is always down for the school play. BUT she usually just does script-writing and tech. 

into conspiracy theories and video essays. (all gorgeous gorgeous girls love video essays).

is a dedicated Britney Spears and Gwen Stefani stan.

SO “COQUETTE LIZZY GRANT DIOR RETRO” in her fashion choice.

she also gives “elle woods from legally blonde” vibes. straight A student right here.

CERTIFIED GIRLBOSS <3

Thomas Edison:

is obsessed with American Psycho (2000). he has a poster in his room and he’s weirdly obsessed with Christian Bale (very 🍎🍉🍊 of him, but he always excuses it with “oh no, i just idolize and worship him. there’s absolutely nothing gay ab it.” he’s lying.)

also he’s SUCH a pretentious film bro. he has a whole library of stupid film facts shoved in the back of his mind (im totally not projecting).

he only listens to: 80s new-wave stuff like New Order, Oingo Boingo, Beastie Boys, & Talking Heads OR Lana del Rey. There is no in between.

he worked (past-tense bc that shit is GONE in 2023) at a blockbuster video store next to the mall and he liked being a total bitch to people about it (example: “you really rented this shit? this movie sucks, dude”)

after getting unfreezed, he was ECSTATIC over how easy pirating movies is nowadays.

Napoleon Bonaparte:

member of the speech/debate club and he is THE WORST TO BE PAIRED WITH. he’s foaming at the mouth the moment someone gives a rebuttal he didn’t think of. some meetings end in him trying to beat up someone. 

into 80s rock like Metallica and Black Sabbath. he has an electric guitar. he also FUCKING LOVES ABBA AND JAMIROQUAI. like… too much.

unlawfully good at Just Dance. he absolutely fucks it up on the dance floor.

adores fantasy films like Conan (1982) and The Never-Ending Story(1984). he’s so lame/ pos.

he bakes really well. that’s all he’s got going for him.

he either found his napoleonic military uniform at party city or at a thrift store with Marie Antoinette; his story changes depending on who he’s talking to.

he cut his own hair when he was 14. the following conversation after he did so was with caesar, and it was just the haircut scene from fleabag . he then continued to keep his stupid haircut to what it is now.

is a hopeless romantic. he can make up entire love poems & sonnets in his head about a girl he’s crushing on, but literally cannot talk to people without sounding like a douchebag unless he’s super comfortable w/ them.

Ivan the Terrible:

is an avid deftones, sewerslvt, & duster listener (i, unfortunately, ALSO have a playlist.)

spends his nights scrolling on 4chan and arguing w/ people. him & topher have accidentally argued w/ each other AT LEAST 5 times.

literally refuses to take off his ushanka in any weather. it doesn’t matter to him if it’s 90 degrees, that thing is staying ON.

kins Travis Bickle and Shinji Ikari. i mean, just look at this dude and how he presents himself. average NGE & Taxi Driver enjoyer/ hj.

fave video games are Postal 2 and osu!. he plays osu! phenomenally, to the point where it’s impressive. (pls put that energy into a job or something).

and yea that’s all the energy i have to write this down :]

[sortagaysortahigh]

No literally this episode of euphoria was so wild that I’m literally still thinking about it. So here are more of my thoughts, you dont have to read them but i had to put them down somewhere. Like these only focus on rue jules elliot and cassie tho cause thats rlly all this episode got me focused on and focused on

First and foremost lets make it clear that literally Rue is the shittiest of shitty, out of everyone on this show her addiction had made her into a complete piece of shit (which is incredibly realistic if you know addicts) and homegirl is really wrong for traumatizing the fuck out of everyone in her life. There’s really not any if ands or buts ab it, Rue is a shitty person who dug herself into that hole that she’s in. Now we can also look at the other characters who are literally almost all pieces of shit in some way shape or form-and that’s the truth. We see everyones backgrounds and why they are the way they are-but that doesn’t excuse being shitty people. 

Jules is a shitty person-why? because she lived in a fantasy world instead of opening her eyes to her addict of a girlfriend while also cheating on her addict girlfriend when she literally was fucking hella randoms like six months ago and also left Rue at a train station or some shit when rue really needed her, yes rue is still fucking wrong for dragging jules into her shit but jules made that choice to be involved with rue knowing her past and knowing her mother was an addict. Not to mention she cheated on her with ANOTHER ADDICT who she wasnt mad at for doing drugs? she was only mad at rue?. Rues a shitty liar and jules lived in the fantasy that she as sober instead of opening her eyes. 

Elliot is a shitty person for literally lying to Jules’s face then finally admitting the truth after fucking her last episode like genuinely I believe is the most manipulative person on the damn show. He doesnt give two fucks about jules or rue and it shows cause first of all why would you let her willingly do fent and heroine when you know how bad that shit is...talking ab i do it w her...no you dont bro you watch her get higher than high and youre like lol so you wanna fuck me or nah? are you like asexual cause you dont wanna fuck me? 

Dont get me started on fucking cassie, miss “YOU TWO WERENT BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFREIND SO I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG” “IM CRAZIER THAN MADDY NATE I LOVE YOU NATE” like girl first of all therapy is necessary bc you dont love yourself and project your insecurities to the point that you literally started fucking your best friends abusive ass ex. Also the “im cassie im here to save the day and give positive advice and vibes to you rue” like girl youre fake as fuck please calm down, you’re no better than any other bitch in this room. And her mom is also a piece of shit too and an alcoholic enabler but thats a whole other story

[thatguy-thisguy-yourguy]

Lily/Adrian Fanfic! Get it here!

While you're at it, read the lovely fanfics written by people whose Tumblrs I don't know!

Here is the Fic below too! Inspired by https://soundcloud.com/zalinki/go-the-distance-feat-rosarrie

“We might not see the future, but you’re always on my mind.”

Adrian and Lily’s relationship wasn’t surprising in the way you thought it’d be. No huge dork suddenly meeting the manic pixie dream girl of a lifetime in the halls. No notes stuck to lockers or putting up dukes to defend a fair maiden’s honor. Lily wasn’t a fair maiden to be, well, fair. She was blonde, but what’s so fair about a little genetic mutation?

Adrian was a huge dork. Never so much as coughed during a class, writing so fast that it was a wonder how the palms of his hands didn’t somehow develop abs. He never really went out of his way to make friends, which as we all know, screams bloody murder “Dork!” But, you had to give the guy credit-he hadn’t bought a fedora and never would! 

Maybe in some ways, Lily was some sort of manic pixie dream girl. A panic mixie gream dirl, if you will. She smoked, she’d steal an animal, but that was very moral of her. And she had eyes for that dork we’ve established.

The relationship started with Lily, as you may suspect. Honestly, she just thought he was smart enough to be a contestant on a gameshow called “who’s gonna be my lab partner?” Generic, but nothing to complain about. From then on, she’d just kind of be around, not that Adrian was complaining. He never considered a relationship, not even when Lily would make up excuses-or ask him quite bluntly-to hang out on weekends, but that’s just not the type of person Eventually, she just became a staple in Adrian’s life, sticking around for any shenanigans he and Jim(usually Jim) would come up with. 

Eventually, however, she decided that she thought she might love this boy that we’ve hyped up so much. 

It had to be around 11:25, chemistry, how fitting. Lily wasn’t one for the whole “do you like me” note, nor did she want to jump Adrian to ask him about their obviously developing relationship. That might as well be threatening him. Instead, Lily wrote down something very simple, that she figured wasn’t anything so special that she’d regret it.

She wrote:

“I think we should stay in each other’s lives”

And she gave it to him. And he read it. And he smiled.

Which brings us to the now.

Adrian and Lily had been together for some unspecified time. At this time, they were in Adrian’s room, which was so tidy, it might’ve been suspicious, but Lily didn’t care. She’d been in here a few times by now, very few. Adrian didn’t really like people in his house, let alone his room. 

For a few hours they talked about nothing and everything: graduation plans, their future together, names they would have got if they had not had their own, religion, how alcohol being cheaper than non-alcoholic drinks may be so people will keep quiet about their problems, rats. 

During those few hours of nothing, whilst in the middle of what the youngin’s would call “a cuddle sesh”, Adrian got up. Then, Lily got up, giving him a quizzical look and asking, 

“Did I do something wrong?” 

Adrian pulled out a blue notebook, one Lily hadn’t seen amongst the millions of other ones he brought to class. He sat back down next to her, and Lily could clearly see the word “FEELINGS” scrawled across it.

“I think you should see me.”

“But I do see you, dorko.”

A poke in the nose. A kiss.

“Yeah, but to see me the way you let people see you, just, you know,” He held up the notebook, giving it a light slap, “compact.”

Lily sat quiet. Moments of true, emotional intimacy were rare when initiated by Adrian. So, together, they looked through it once.

[rxsie-the-demon]

Brooklyn Baby | JJ Maybank

SERIES MASTERLIST | chapter one | chapter two | chapter three

chapter summary: Kelce confides in Nikki, who learns the details of what happened last summer. Kie devises a plan.

Chapter 4: Dark Paradise

“Hi! I’m Nikki.”

JJ’s jaw dropped. “Uh...” He blinked a couple of times, looking between me and Kiara, before rubbing his eyes and mumbling, “Ah, fuck me. I’m way too high to be doing this.” He went over to the fridge and grabbed a beer.

Kiara was sitting on the floor, head between her knees, trying to catch her breath. “I’m sorry JJ, but your face was everything.” He rolled his eyes and flipped her off.

I giggled, and took a couple steps forward to extend my hand out to Pope. “You must be Pope Heyward. It’s so nice to meet you, I’ve heard such wonderful things!”

JJ snorted and took a chug of his beer. “I’m sure you have.”

We ignored him and he shook my hand. “It’s nice to meet you, too! Kiara’s told us a lot about you.”

“Aww,” I said, turning to look at Kie. I walked over to JJ and looked up at him. Yes, looked up, since he had about a foot on me. “Nice to meet you.” I smiled warmly. Moment of truth.

He studied my face for a minute, before glancing at my hand and then away. “Whatever,” he mumbled. My eyes went wide with surprise. Sheesh.

“Ohh-kay then,” I spun. I did not think he’d be that rude. I walk over to Kiara and then smiled. “Well, what do you guys like to do for fun?” I asked the Pogues.

Pope opened his mouth to respond, but JJ said, “Beat up Kooks and steal their cash for drugs.” I snorted.

Kiara rolled her eyes. “JJ, play nice.”

JJ shrugged and chugged down the rest of his beer can and crushed it. “Just letting Pillow Princess here know how we roll down here in The Cut.”

“Um, excuse me?” I took a step forward. I could see the satisfied look on JJ’s face, like he enjoyed the fact that I was pissed.

Kie grabbed my hand and pulled me back.

“Well, this has been fun, but we should head back to Figure Eight, right, Nikki?” Kiara looked at me with a look that said Please don’t press this

I shrugged. “Alright.” I turned to face the boys. “Peace out, Pogues.”

“Bye, Nikki! It was nice meeting you! Bye, Kie, love you!” Pope waved. JJ ignored me and headed towards his bedroom.

“Love you too!” Kiara shouted back, grabbing the skateboards.

We made our way outside the house and down the dirt road.

“Did he call me a pillow princess?” I asked Kiara once we were a good distance from the house. “What does that even mean?!”

"You don’t wanna know,” Kie chuckled a little. I shot her a confused look.

“Ok, now I do wanna know.”

“Nikki, trust me-” she pulled her hair back into a bun, “-if I tell you, you’re just gonna get pissed.”

I rolled my eyes. “Oh, c’mon I’m not that unhinged- Wait, was it a sex joke?”

Kie laughed. “Took you long enough.”

My nostrils flared, and I spun around. “I marched towards the house, skateboard lifting above my head. “I’m gonna bash his skull in-”

“Nikki. Nikki. NIKKI- No!” Kie ran after me and grabbed my arms. “Look, I know JJ is frustrating at times, but he means well.”

“He means well?! How the f-”

“Ok, ok! Just give him time?! Please? He just doesn’t like...Kooks.” She waved her hand towards me. “And if he sees that he got under your skin that easily, he’s never going to stop picking on you.”

“He doesn’t like Kooks? You’re, like, his best friend!”

“Well, I never really fit in with the other Kooks, and besides, I’ve known them for years.”

I grumbled, “Whatever,” under my breath and turned around, making my wait with Kiara towards the main road.

Stupid fucking JJ Maybank.

*********************************************

“Uh, girl? You good?” Scarlet asked me, waving her fork near my face.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I had my head down on the table, and I sat up and rubbed my temples. Lunch had started a couple minutes ago, but I wasn’t hungry. I was frustrated. A certain annoying blonde boy was still pissing me off. And it wasn’t Topper or Rafe.

“You don’t look fine,” Topper noted.

“Yeah,” Kelce agreed. “You look like you need to take a shit.” Topper coughed up his drink and started laughing-wheezing.

Scarlet gagged. “You boys are disgusting.” She swatted his arm.

“What?!” Kelce defended. Topper and Kelce high-fived, and I smacked Topper upside the head.

“No, I do not need to take a shit. Thanks for the concern. No, it’s just that I met this kid, JJ Maybanks, last week, and he’s annoying as fuck. I’m pissing about that.”

Topper and Kelce groaned. “I fucking hate that dude,” Topper sighed. Kelce agreed.

“Why?” I asked. “And Kelce, I thought you weren’t trying to start stuff with these Pogues.”

“Yeah, well, JJ’s a special case. He’s dangerous.” Kelce shrugged

“How did you even meet him? He never comes onto Figure Eight and he lives on, like, the other side of the island.” Scarlet added, eyebrows scrunched. “Like, the poor side.”

I thought quick. If I told them I was friends with Kiara, they would start to give me shit.

“I was bored. And I just..drove around over there and stopped at some random pier near the swamp.” I lied and took a bite of my pasta, which literally tasted like cardboard. I gagged and took a sip of my water.

I could tell that Scarlet wasn’t convinced, but she dropped it, thankfully. We continued the rest of lunch talking about scuba diving, but I could feel Scarlet giving me strange looks.

When the lunch bell rang, I practically bolted out of there. Confessing to meeting JJ Maybank made me uncomfortable for some reason, and I don’t know why. Was he really a dangerous person or-

“Nikki! Wait up!” I heard a voice call behind me.

I slowed down and spun my head around to see Kelce jogging up to me. I stopped completely turned to face him, and he made his way over to me and smiled. “What’s up, midget?”

“Shut up,” I hissed and continued walking towards my class. “What’s up?”

Kelce shrugged. “Nothing.” He ran his fingers through his hair a couple times, before following up with, “Actually, are you free today after school?”

“Uh...think so, yeah. Why?”

“Uh, I wanted to go...golfing?” Kelce laughed. “Actually, I kinda want to talk to you.”

I felt a wave of panic. Was this about the Pogues? JJ? Kiara? “Sure, what ab- shit, I just walked by my class,” I spun around and hopped into my room. “Text me later, Kelce!”

“I- ok?! See ya!” Kelce laughed nervously and finger-gunned me. I sat down at a desk and pulled out my phone to see a text from Kie.

‘ayo what’re u doing after school?’

‘hanging w kelce, he like, just, asked me. why?’

‘ooh ok, i was wondering if u wanted to come over to work on the project?’

‘sure! i’ll text u when i’m done golfing w kelce’

‘golfing, srsly?’

‘lmaoo’

********************************************************************

“So, what did you want to talk to me about again?” I asked as I sat into the golf cart. Kelce managed to smack the golf ball into the water, but I noticed his hands were shaking a bit. He seemed nervous, and for the life of me I didn’t know why.

“Um, ok...look, I know it’s a bit weird because I haven’t known you for as long as I’ve known Topper and them but, can I trust you with a secret?” Kelce seemed anxious; his hands were wrapped tightly around the steering wheel and his leg was bouncing up and down pretty fast.

I narrowed my eyes. Well, of course I’d keep it, but Kelce is right, I’ve only been here about a month, and judging from how nervous he sounds, it seems like something...personal.

“Well, of course, but you seem nervous...is everything alright?”

“Yeah no-” he parked the golf cart as we got to our spot. I got out of the cart and made my way to my golf clubs. “Sorry, keep going Kelce.” I apologized and allowed him to continue.

“No you’re good! It’s just that...I think I have a crush on one of our friends and I don’t know how to tell them.”

“Wait, really?! Oh my gosh, who’s the lucky girl?” I exclaimed. Kelce didn’t respond; he just kept walking, and he looked even more nervous. The realization dawned on me.

“Them? Not her? We don’t have any non-binary friends...do you like one of the guys?”

Kelce looked away, nervous. I ran up in front of him and put my hands on his shoulder.

“Hey, Kelce, it’s ok. You can talk to me about this, you know? I’m not gonna out you or anything like that.”

He looked up at me for a second, and I could see the tiny reflection of tears starting to form in his eyes. He inhale sharpy before proclaiming, “I think- no, I am, bisexual. And I have feelings for Topper.”

I gave him a smile, and stood up on my toes to hug him. “Thank you for telling and trusting me with this.”

He hugged me back, and squeezed me tightly. He let go of me and sighed, “It feels good, being able to tell people this. My parents would be accepting, but a lot of our family friends are homophobic and I’m afraid this would ruin our reputation. And-” He stopped 

“I get it. I mean- I don’t get it, but I understand what you’re trying to say. Of course, I’ll keep this a secret, but...are you ever going to tell Topper? Or your parents?”

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “For now, I’m just gonna see if I get any vibes from Topper.”

I laughed. “Maybe. He hasn’t had much luck with girls; maybe a guy is what he needs.”

**********************************************************************

“So, how was golfing with Kelce?” Kie laying bellydown on the floor, doodling away in her sketchbook while I was (attempting to) french braid her hair.

“Uh, it was alright. Kelce kept hitting the balls into the water. For someone who’s lived here for a while, he sucks at golfing!” I joked. She snorted and threw her head back. “Hey! You’re gonna mess up the braid!”

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just funny to me how all take pride in their golfing skills but in reality, they’re not that great.”

“Honestly, I think that’s just all boys. They hype themselves up too much and we’re let down.” I giggled. Kie turned around with a sarcastically shocked look on her face. “NIKKI! Girl, I did not expect that from you.”

I gently smacked her arm, then looped the scrunchie I had in my hand around her hair. “All done. Do you think we should work on our Royal Merchant project?” I got up to grab the small backpack I brought with me. In it was the small notebook I used to jot down stuff about the ship. I had decided not to use my history notebook because this ship apparently has some important history in the Banks, and I’m most likely going to find out stuff about it while going around the island with Kie.

“Uhh, yeah sure hold up.” She stood up and went over to her desk. She pulled out a black spiral notebook that look like it’d had been dragged through the mud and dryed in a river. The cover had patchy brown stains on it and dried up water marks. She spun around and faced me, placing the book down on the desk behind her and putting her hands in the pockets of her gray sweatpants. “After John B and Sarah...we decided to write down everything we knew about the Merchant in this notebook and get rid of everything else. Not that there was much left...our maps, everything got stolen by Ward Cameron.”

“Ward Cameron? Wait...Rafe’s dad? Wheezy and Sarah’s dad, Ward Cameron? What do you mean?”

Kiara stopped. “Um...” and started fidgeting with the hem of her t-shirt, purposefully avoiding eye contact with me. “It’s- it’s a long story.”

“Is it one you’re allowed to tell me?” I was uncomfortable now- well, more like nervous. I fell very antsy, and my hands were shaking a bit. I clasped them in front of me and swallowed to ease my nerves. Something about how nervous Kie seemed made me scared...

“Well,” she started. She looked up at her ceiling and closed her eyes, then exhaled slowly. “There’s nothing legally stopping me, but JJ and probably Pope would be a bit unhappy if I told you.”

I shrugged and turned to crouch down to my bag, slightly disappointed if I was being honest. “That’s alright, you don’t have to tell-”

“Let’s go to the Chauteau.” Kie interrupted. I looked up at her. She had her lips pressed together in a weird smile. I did not know what she was thinking. “I have a plan.” She furrowed her eyebrows together, “Kind of. It’s half a plan.”

I put my notebook in my bag and grabbed the top handle. “You don’t have to tell me, you know. I don’t want your friends getting pissed at me.”

“Oh I know,” she smiled, “but I have a plan. A way to bring the Cameron family down and to bring justice to John B and Sarah. But to do that, the two of us and the boys need to work together.”

I nodded slowly, having no idea where she was going with this. “We are still gonna get the project done, right?”

Kie giggled. “Yes, of course.”

*********************************************

“Yeah, so, that’s...it, basically.” Kiara said, slapping her hands down onto her thighs and turning her head left to face me.

I think the look on my face was one of complete horror, because JJ, who was on Kie’s right, burst into laughter. Full on, tear-jerking, belly-grabbing laughter. Pope, who was standing up in front of him, kicked him in the shin. “Dude, what the fuck are you laughing about?”

After he managed to calm himself down, he wiped his tears and said, “Sorry, man, it was just so funny seeing the Kook’s reaction- I mean-”

“Stop calling me that,” I interjected. “I’m just...mortified you guys went through that, and that...” I stopped talking, and looked down at my hands. That Rafe killed someone. I clenched my fists together. I wasn’t mad, not yet. It hadn’t really set in yet. Right now I’m completely shocked, at Rafe, Topper, even Kelce who kept John B locked up in his house.

JJ must have knew what I was thinking, because the usually cocky look in his eyes faded and was replaced with slight sympathy. ”None of us expected you to know this.”

Tears started swelling up in my eyes. “My god...your friends are dead because of Rafe.” I covered my hand with my mouth. I felt like I was gonna be sick. “I’m sorry, I feel so dramatic; your friends are dead and I’m the one who’s crying.”

Pope laughed dryly and said, “Trust me, we cried enough.” When I looked up at him, he was looking down, and I could see tears forming in his eyes too.

I inhaled once, deeply, then turned to Kiara and smiled. “So, what’s this plan you were talking about?”

***********************************************

A/N

i am sorry for straight-up disappearing. it was a mix of writer’s block and mental health; i needed to plan out some details for the story but when i sorted everything out, my brain was like “nah” but yep i’m back haha

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chapter 5

[anonymousbaev]

i love ur writing style!! i was wondering if u could write how the rfa + v and saeran would react to mc coming out as bi? and like,,,shes kinda scared they might leave her or smth?

 RFA+V and Saeran reaction to mc coming out as bi

Thank you so much for the compliment, you boosted my confidence in writing it even got me inspired to write this for you! (〃^∇^)ﾉ Also this idea is amazing, I hope I wrote it similar to the way you wanted it! I started at 6 pm and just finished right now at 2:43 am yay! WOOHOO FIRST HEADCANON REQUEST COMPLETE! I also saw another request come in while working on this so I shall begin on that one sometime soon too! Please lmk if anything here is disrespectful in any way. ENOUGH TALKING, ENJOY!  ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

                                              !!WARNING!! 

                      !!PROFANITY AND TRIGGERING SCENES!!

☆Yoosung☆

☆ You and Yoosung have been dating for a month now, you both told each other everything. At first you were scared to come out to him as being bi, but coming further and further into your relationship, you felt an urge to tell him. Being bi was something you were proud of. Yet, you couldn’t help but feel a bit scared he would leave you. You know he’s supportive and understanding, he’s not someone who would judge you. However, having a trauma of your parents kicking you out from a young age for being bi… It left an empty hole in your heart that had yet to be mended. Why couldn’t they love you for who you were? You were still their kid they’ve always known…

☆However, your parents were old news now. If they couldn’t be parents that supported you no matter what. You simply didn’t need them either. You knew Yoosung weren’t like them. And so, you gathered up your courage to come out to him one day. He was fairly surprised when you’d told him you had something to talk about. So, the two of you went out to a café on a Saturday morning to chat.

☆ “Mc!” Yoosung waves to you at the table he had been waiting for you. You nervously wave back at him as you make your way to the table. You sit down with a awkward smile, “I hope you weren’t busy today. I know I kind of called you kind of out of the blue.” He rests his head on his hand on the table with a grin as he replies, “No worries! Besides, even if I were busy, I would always make time for you!” 

☆ As always, he was being so sweet.  “Oh right! What did you want to talk about? You seemed anxious, is everything okay, Cutie?” You gulp so loud he probably can hear it. You just want to get this over with. Being bi was normal. Why did you have to be scared to say it? “I’ll get straight to the point, I just wanted you to know that I’m bi. I don’t want to keep my mouth shut on this anymore...but please don’t leave me. I love you.”

☆ He sits up straight as he holds your hand over the table. “Babe of course I won’t leave you, I’d be a hypocrite if I did. Nothing between us will change, in fact with another part of you revealed to me, I feel even closer with you!” You start to cry out happy tears as it gets him flustered knocking down his cup of ice tea all over the table. ⋋_⋌

☕️ Jaehee ☕️

☕️ Jaehee and you opened the café just like any other day. When you took out the freshly baked sweets, it immediately spread throughout the café and out the  widely opened doors. The fragrance attracted in so many customers. The café soon became absolutely full. As you were helping a young lady and her daughter with their order, a small family catches everyone’s attention at the shop. The man who looks to be the father of a teen begins to lecture him. It causes a ruckus and with Jaehee too busy to notice making drinks at the back, you excuse yourself and head to the small family. “Excuse me, is everything okay here?” 

☕️ You try your best to be as nice as possible before he begins to shout at you too. “YES. EVERYTHING IS FINE HERE. WE’RE TRYING TO HAVE A PRIVATE CONVERSTATION HERE, IF YOU DON’T MIND I WOULD APPREACIATE IT IF YOU LET US BE.” You sigh trying to keep your cool, but you notice all the other customers rushing to hurriedly pay and get out. “I’m sorry sir, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” He bangs his fists down on the table startling both his wife and son, but it startles you the most. “HOW DARE A LOWLY WAITER LIKE YOU TELL ME TO LEAVE. WHERE’S YOUR BOSS, HUH? BRING HIM HERE.” He spits at your face, you start to get so uncomfortable.

☕️ “Hello, I’m in charge here and I’m a she not a he. Also I would appreciate it if you would stop throwing reckless insults at my girlfriend.” Jaehee appears from the back. She must’ve heard all the commotion and came out to help you. She pushes him away from you, pissed. BAEHEE I LOVE YOU!

☕️ “GIRLFRIEND? WHATEVER THIS PLACE IS UNBELIEVABLE. WOMEN SHOULD DATE MEN AND MEN SHOULD DATE WOMEN. This is why youngsters these days need more lecturing tsk.” The man rushes out obviously intimated by Jaehee as his wife and son follow him out with an apologetic look to both you and Jaehee. Jaehee doesn’t hesitate to follow after him and give him a proper lecture but stops when she hears a small whimper before crouching down to meet your eyes. You sob so upset at the man’s cruel and untrue words. You know everything he’d said is not true AT ALL but can’t help but remember his words are similar from the words of your mother, it brings you to the floor.

☕️ “What’s wrong Mc? I know his words were harsh but you know none of that is true. Don’t cry because of an insect like him. ” you nod agreeing with her before taking a moment to get your words out, “I know...I know but he reminds me so much of my unsupportive parents when I came out as bi to them.”

☕️ “Oh Mc, don’t cry it’s going to be okay. There’s always going to be so much negativity in the world. Whatever it may be, and that’s not gonna change. Yet, you have to know you have me. And I have you. That’s all that matters.” You hug her and the people that have stayed in the café clap as the both of you have chased the bad man out. You see Jaehee blush for being in the center of attention.┏(＾0＾)┛┗(＾0＾) ┓

🎤 Zen 🎤

🎤 You and Zen cuddle on your shared bed. You begin to feel your eyes close in Zen’s warmth, and you eventually fall asleep to his pleasing lullaby. Your phone begins to ring and when Zen thinks it’d be better to let it be and tell you when you’re awake, he sees it’s your dad. He doesn’t know what to do, you never talk about your family. But he doesn’t want to worry your dad from you not picking up, so...he picks it up. 

🎤 “Hello, sir!” He’s super nervous to be talking with your dad for the first time. Your dad is super confused and asks, “Who is this? I thought I was calling my daughter?” Zen carefully lays your sleeping body comfortably on bed out of his arms to sit up at the edge of the bed, he clears his throat. “Yes, you are. I’m her boyfriend she said she told you about me?” Your dad begins to laugh almost... wickedly? “Oh that girl never tells me anything after her mother and I kicked her out of the house.” Zen is so shocked he’s at a loss of words you never mentioned this...

🎤 Zen continued to quietly listen to your father a little...pissed? Maybe you have horrible parents like he did. He starts to really regret picking up your phone, he should’ve asked you first. Regardless, it’s too late to regret it now and your dad continues to chatter on, “I’m glad to know she’s all fixed now. She’s dating an actual man. I was so aggravated when she came out to her mother and I to be bi.” Zen quietly heads to the living room and quickly scratches his head in anger, did your dad just say fix? 

🎤 “Excuse me but, if anything it looks like you need more fixing than anyone else. Also, Mc has not been “fixed”. She’d been perfect and she still is perfect in the same way. Dare I say, please don’t call Mc or even show your face anywhere near her if these are the things you tell her.” He ends the call and sees your head down, sitting down near the bedroom door as if you’d collapsed. He rushes over to you and gently holds your shoulder. “Jagiya are you okay? I’m sorry I picked up your call without-”

🎤 “It’s okay...it’s okay as long as you won’t leave me.” you shake your head in fear as Zen raises an eyebrow with a questioning look. “And why would I leave you?”

🎤 “Because I’ve kept it from you! That I’m bi and that I have bad parents. You told me everything, but I told you nothing. You’re probably feeling betrayed...but I really do trust you I really do love you! I was just scared... I know you are nothing like my parents. Ever since I met you, all you have given me was love and support! But it hurts...my dads words...they come back to me everyday and it makes me feel like I should keep it a secret...” He sighs before helping you stand back up on your feet. He fixes your messy hair and wipes away your tears with a gentle swipe.

🎤 “Baby, it’s okay. I know you would’ve eventually told me everything. Don’t feel guilty for not telling me. These are things you tell me when you want to tell me. You just needed time to heal from your parents. Just...overall...please know I love you no matter what. I’ll help you get over their words. I’ll show you what your parents told you were just thorns on a rose. Nothing more than a tragic obstacle from your happiness. Don’t be afraid of something that makes you, you because of the words of someone unsupportive. I know how it feels to have bad parents.” He pulls you into a hug, he feels so warm. You grasp onto his shirt and sob into his abs. You’re once again reminded of how much you love this man. ●ᴥ●

♛ Jumin ♛

♛ You’re attending an fancy business party with Jumin at an fancy hotel. You’re more than happy to attend this party with him. After all, you’d helped him plan for this project with your great creative mind. Not to mention, he loved showing you off.

♛ You and Jumin arrive in a limousine as he held your waist ignoring all the reporters into the front door of the hotel. You both stop at the entrance, four bodyguards around you as he lifts your chin up, you smile so lovingly he gulps before placing a kiss on your lips. “Are you ready, my love?” You nod as you snuggle against him as he holds your waist. All the bodyguards are supposed to guard the entrance so you both enter the main hall alone. 

♛ After a few boring conversations of a few businessmen trying to kiss up on Jumin’s ass you excuse yourself to the snack bar much to Jumin’s dismay. Regardless, he nods and you walk away. All these delicious fancy food! You swear you are about to drool. While you’re wondering on what to eat first, someone calls your name and it’s not Jumin’s voice. You feel your heart drop as you clutch your chest before turning around to see your bully in the old days.

♛ Tiffany, she was the “perfect rich girl” at school. And this girl loved making fun of others. You’ve picked on by Tiffany and her followers all four years through high school. All for one reason, you were open about being bi. She and her friends would always call you the ‘gay commoner’. This bish doesn’t even know the meaning of “bi” 

♛ Your heart begins to pound as if old memories come back at you like a gun shot. “Wait, hah you’re Mc, right? Wow... this place stoops as low to allow someone like you to come in? A gold digging commoner bitch that married Han Jumin. Oh right, and you’re gay. Be honest, you’re with Jumin because of his money right? You probably have sex with girls behind his back-” Tears swell in your eyes as you throw a slice of cake on her face. It drips down to her dress ‘made out of gold’. “ARE YOU CRAZY? OH MY GOSH, THIS DRESS IS WORTH MORE THAN YOUR LIFE!” cliché shit I’m sorry. Your voice shakes, seeing her brings back your painful memories so vividly. “I can’t believe you’re still so uneducated after all these years! I’m bi not gay! And I see you’re still as immature as ever, haven’t changed that habit of picking on innocent people, huh? Also, you know nothing about my relationship with Jumin! I love him and I don’t care that you and other people point fingers at me. I have not once thought about being with him for money!” You feel a painful sting on your cheek as you look up to see that she’s slapped you.

♛ You bite your lips and she holds her hand up for another slap before she’s stopped with someone’s strong hand. Jumin holds her wrist as he looks at your painful mark, looking back at Tiffany in anger. Oh boy he’s pissed. He had rushed over as soon as he heard your faint yells across the room. “Jumin it’s okay, can you take me somewhere quiet...please?” He nods as he holds your waist to a balcony. The stars outside make you feel so much better as you smile bitterly. “Why was she hurting you, my love? I will make her pay for leaving such a painful wound. Please wait here my love I will call an ambulance right now.” You giggle a little before gently grabbing his hand. “I’ll be okay, please don’t, who calls an ambulance for a slap!” you continue to giggle before collapsing into his embrace. “I used to go to high school with her, and she’d always made fun of me. Because...I’m attracted to both males and females.”

♛ He furrows an eyebrow, “And...why is that something to make fun of?” You shrug, “I don’t know, but I think there’s more to her story. Still, that doesn’t make it okay for her to make fun of me.” 

♛ “Of course it’s not. I cannot personally relate to being attracted to both genders, however I do know that’s not something to make fun of.” You look up to meet him in the eyes, “That’s all you have to say? I just came out to you as being bi.” He smiles as he kisses you, “I love you.” You laugh, Jumin is not a man with many words in situations like this. However you do know that this ‘I love you’ is not just a simple confession of love. It’s his way of telling you that he supports you and nothing will change between the two of you. The next day you find a bucket of flowers with a 10,000 lettered apology essay from Tiffany. You later also find out Jumin has stopped partnering with her fathers company. They eventually go bankrupt. (¬‿¬)

👓 Saeyoung 👓 

👓 You shake as you look around you, you’re in a empty white void and suddenly, your ex appears in front of your eyes. “You’re bi? What so have you been going off with other girls behind my back?” He slaps you, pushing you down onto the floor. He wraps his hands around your neck so painfully. Your heart could jump out of your chest right then and there. You try to scream out, but your voices don’t leave your mouth. You shake your head denying him, until you’re finally able to open your eyes screaming, “NO!” You gasp for breath, you look around in your shared bedroom with Saeyoung. “MC?” Saeyoung sits up to see you. He scans your body to make sure you’re safe, “What’s wrong baby?” 

👓 You shake your head, “I... had a nightmare.” he smiles, “Haha, you’re so cute still getting nightmares. What was it about? Elizabeth the 3rd turning into a monste- ZzZzZz...” He falls asleep again holding onto your waist as his body slides back down to lay. You wrap your arms around his head with a bitter smile before beginning to break down, you gently sob unknowingly. Saeyoung wakes up again, both of your eyes squinting as he turns the lamp on. You take a glance at the clock, it’s 3 am. You feel horrible for waking Sae up.

👓 He sits next to you, gently wiping away your tears. “You’re okay. If it makes you feel better we can talk before going back to bed. What did you have a nightmare about?” At first you’re hesitant, but knowing Sae, the sweetest purest sometimes perverted cinnamon roll you ever know, you felt safe to tell him. Before a warning you blurt it out, “I’m bi.” he smiles as he caresses' your cheeks before he says anything, you continue to talk, “I had a nightmare about my ex...he would beat me up and be so unsupportive of me.” You continue to cry harder painful memories coming back to you, more vividly now that you say it. 

👓 He brings you into his arms, “Thank you. Thank you for telling me, you’re so so brave. Do you know that?” He smiles nuzzling his nose to yours. “You’re okay now. And I support you. I love you so much too. I, Saeyoung Defender of Justice will protect you no matter what.” You cringe at his last line, the both of you giggle as you both nuzzle each other back to sleep. 

👓 BONUS: Saeyoung never tells you but he hacks into old camera files and sends your ex into jail for emotional and physical abuse. ( ಠ◡ಠ )

🌚 Saeran 🌚

🌚 You are eating dinner with Saeran until you finally come out to him as being bi, it feels as though a heavy anchor on you had been lifted. He pauses for a second looking up at you nodding, he quietly continues to eat his dinner. You feel so upset, that was it? A single nod? You spent days thinking of the right day to tell him this. It took a lot courage to come out to someone. The single nod he gave you continues to replay in your head.

🌚 Clearly upset, you hurriedly shove down your food Saeran constantly telling you that you will get sick if you continue. It didn’t matter, you just wanted to get out of here. 

🌚 A while later...you’re in bed with Saeran, everything is so quiet. But Saeran notices how upset you’re after the incident. He mutters a “sorry” and you can tell he genuinely means it but you can’t help but still feel a bit sassy, “For what?”

🌚 “Sorry for being indifferent when you came out to me. Thank you for doing that. I appreciate your bravery. But I don’t know how to react- how you want me to react. Of course I’ll be supportive of you...but the wrong words would rather  be disrespectful...so...sorry...I don’t know the right words to tell you. I’m not good at this kind of stuff.” You kiss him as you pull him onto the bed. “Thank you. That means so much. I’m sorry too, I got sensitive.”

🌚 The two of you fall asleep so secure and loved in each others embrace.

♧ Jihyun ♧

♧ It’s been a week since you’ve came out to Jihyun about being bi, he was unconditionally supportive and loving. One day, You and Jihyun decide to go to the mall as you insisted in buying him new clothes. He was so bad at dressing himself. Without realizing it Jihyun brought his glasses and cane, even when he could see now with his eye surgery.

♧ He smiles wholeheartedly when you continue to be amused by all the cool stuff at the mall. Someone suddenly comes from behind putting a hand on your shoulder that was between you and Jihyun. Jihyun elbows them in surprise before calmly apologizing, “Ah, I’m sorry.” the man looked to be in pain but he tried to act fine as he said “It’s fine.” His friend in the back whispered “Wow look at his cane, he’s blind.” they all began to laugh. 

♧ You were about to shout at them but after seeing Jihyun simply just raising an eyebrow you just cross your arms at them before attempting to walk away. “Hey hey, I’m not done yet. Aren’t you Mc?” He roughly pulls your wrist, it makes you unwantedly unlink arms with Jihyun. “Hey, you are! Remember me? You tried to date my girlfriend.” You shiver as you realize him. Your old classmate. You had confessed your interest to his girlfriend during your senior years, however you had no idea she had a boyfriend. It wasn’t your fault, you’d even apologized to him and her afterwards. He’d never forgot you though when he sweared that the reason for him breaking up with his girlfriend was because of you. 

♧ Your stomach turned, heart dropping, as his glares came in to you like stinging daggers. Jihyun hides you behind him as he nicely tells them, “It would be better not to make a commotion here.” The men mockingly copy his words in a idiotic tone. Your anger boils, but Jihyun is calm as always. “Mc you’ve gotten greedier, eh? Women weren’t enough, now you want both men and women?” Your heart drops, as the anger in you all shred into tears. However, you hold them back. Where had it all gone wrong? After all those painful years, you almost forgot it all after getting into Rika’s apartment and helping everyone recover from their painful past. You forgot you had a painful past of your own, one you’d never recovered from. One that still lingers somewhere in your heart till this day. You shake yourself back to reality when you notice Jihyun holding onto your hand. 

♧  Jihyun shoves the man away like a feather with his cane when he attempts to approach the two of you. Eventually the security guards come and separate them from the both of you. Jihyun embraces you in his warmth as he reminds you, “You know all those foolish things those men said are not true, darling.” His words are rather short that what you’d imagined him to say. However his words are comforting regardless.

♧ Later you find out Jumin, Jihyun, and Saeyoung have been working on something but you don’t quite know what...you brush it off. They’ve been working on ruining the life of those two rude ass men at the mall. (⌒o⌒)

The quality of my writing started to drop from Saeyoung I’m so sorry. I might come back to them and fix them later on...∑(゜Д゜;)

[coolabed-films]

who are your favorite Community character(s)? ships? episodes? feel free to use this as an excuse to talk about anything Community-related that you want to talk about!

thank you so much for this ask but you don't know what you've done,,, the community brainrot I have is truly unmatched I could ramble about it for hours hdkfkg

My favourite characters have got to be the golden trio of Troy/Annie/Abed (with Troy being my favourite if I had to choose) and I really do think a huge reason for that is the sense of family and comfort they all have with each other. Like obviously I LOVE Jeff and Britta (I am a proud member of the Britta Perry Deserves Better Society) but their age and experience makes them very selfish and nihilistic in comparison to the really sweet optimism trobedison all have. And god TROY!! like what if I was a socially isolated neurodiverse college student who uses film/TV to understand and cope with reality and you joined a Spanish study group with me where we became best friends and you gave me all the love and affection I could ever dream of 😳😳 ahaha jk... unless?? I love Abed and Annie because of the Projection but Troy is like the best friend I wish I had!! I am willfully ignoring geothermal escapism rn please and thank u 😌

Also I always have to s/o to Shirley because I am also a proud member of the Shirley Barnes Deserves Better Society and if I don't give her the respect she deserves who will! Narratively she absolutely got fucked over (Repilot what's ur address I just wanna talk) but she still manages to be a great character despite that. Yvette is so good in the role comedically and emotionally and it makes her a really fun character to watch despite the fact that she's bogged down by the fact that she's conventionally quite boring (a conservative Christian housewife). The fact that we actually get some Shirley development is one of the best parts of season 5 imo (again not including Repilot H*rm*n pick up the phone).

With shipping I'm pretty chill with most pairings because the show really does make it so almost any relationship could happen and it would fit- like I will die on the lesbiannie hill but abedison and even troy/annie (do they have a ship name?) are very cute and I'd have been chill if they got together on the show. Also one-sided Annie/Frankie and Brittannie >>>

I mean I even have a soft spot for Deanjeff which is def not something I'd have said the first time I watched lol. The only ships I'm not a fan of are j/a and pierce/anyone for very obvious reasons.

The pairings I actively ship though are (to the surprise of no one!) jeffbritta and trobed. It has all been said before but Troy and Abed literally complete each other and they are the greatest and most tragic lovestory of all time!! God! Honestly I feel similarly about Jeffbritta- they make each other better, you know? They truly understand each other on a level the other members of the group cannot and the penultimate episode of season five showcases it so well. It's such a small scene but when they agree to get married it's really one of my favourites because it's so small but so perfectly them. They're also bi solidarity so 💆‍♀️

There's a great fic called Introduction to Federal Investigation by Scioscribe and dare I say it,,,, Britta/ATF guy rights.

For everyone's sake I will not be going into detailed explanations of why I love them but some (definitely not all lol) of my favourite episodes are:

Abed's Uncontrollable Christmas (the medium switch! the use of genre to explore a character in the way only community can! the christmas pterodactyl!)

Intermediate Documentary Filmaking/Documentary Filmmaking: Redux (some of the funniest episodes- LeVar Burton, Jeff Winger's Dumb Gay Dad, the "to meet different people" bit, Jeff as the dean, all simply *chef's kiss*)

Studies in Modern Movement (trobedison. kiss from a rose. jesus loves marijuana. yes ❤️)

Queer Studies and Advanced Waxing (Community exploring the dean's sexuality shouldn't make me as feral as it does. and yet!! Gay dean is great, I love the karate kid b plot, and they actually Made Points about the way hets treat gay rep. I adore this episode)

I'm sorry this was so long lmfao 😭 I would do a readmore option but I'm on mobile and have absolutely no clue how. Thank you for the ask!! <3

[et-lesailes]

controversy

pairing: chris evans x reader

themes: light angst

word count: 1670

summary: dating chris evans while being a celebrity yourself, you are strongly encouraged to make choices that will benefit your public image. when chris’ latest movie tanks with the critics, your manager insists that one of these choices be breaking up with him.

taglist: @viarogers, @evanstush, @chibi-crazy, @chalamet-evans, @world-of-losers,@songforhema  @sebabestianstan101 @tanyam93 @b-val1@wonderwinchester@little-miss-exo​ @poerebel @bitchbabes-world @gogomez-509

note: requested by @immajustreadwritereblog // thank you for waiting, love! i actually really liked this request because i have a lot of strong feelings and opinions on the rsdr drama and so i had a lot of muse writing this. also, to anyone reading this- if you’re like me and hate sad endings (yes i’m a hypocrite for hating them yet writing one anyways ok i know), let me know if you’d like to see a part 2 ;)

** please send an ask if you would like to be added to my taglist of any chris evans related fics!

You sighed as your eyes skimmed what felt like the thirtieth article you were receiving via text that day, too tired and upset to properly read it. Your manager was spamming you with messages, insisting you call her, but you did not have the strength. You knew everything she was going to tell you; you had been in the business long enough to know how it all worked. It was no secret that the Hollywood life was twisted underneath all of the extravagant parties, lavish mansions and penthouse homes, and exotic vacations. You and your boyfriend weren’t very caught up in that life, anyways-- the two of you were much more simple, enjoying your time in your apartment with his dog, Dodger, and taking trips to visit his family in Boston-- nothing grandiose. Unfortunately, that did not mean you could avoid the gossip, scandal, and pressure that came from being a celebrity.

“Break up with him. You can get back together with him later, when this all blows over, but you can’t afford bad publicity right now. Not with your new movie coming up.”

You’ve read the message from your manager over and over again, feeling disgusted for several reasons. Not just from her suggestion, but because of the fact that this is the life you’re associated with. You chose this life, you chose to deal with these consequences.

You closed your eyes for a few seconds before finally looking at the article more properly. “Netflix’s Red Sea Diving Resort gives Chris Evans a white savior complex,” the title blared, making your eyebrows furrow in annoyance. However, the current problem in your relationship was not because of your image potentially getting ruined due to being in a relationship with the man now surrounded by controversy.

The current problem was that ever since the movie and its negative reviews, Chris had been a different person. The man who used to be constantly smiling, joking around, and showering you with love and affection 24/7 was now far more reserved and quiet, his eyes having lost their slightly mischievous twinkle. You completely understood. As an actress, you knew how difficult it was to be passionate about a project only to have it completely tank; it was especially difficult for Chris because of how hard on himself he was. He was selective with the roles he played-- he picked the ones that stood out to him, that meant something to him rather than going for anything that would give him more fame and success. You remembered how intrigued he had been by Red Sea Diving Resort when he had first heard of the idea, you remembered how excited he was to learn of the conflict and culture and how he hoped he could bring more awareness and meaning to it on the screen. You completely understood why he would act differently, and you understood why he might be slightly distracted from your relationship.

But it had been nearly an entire month since the movie was released, and you still felt as though you hadn’t had a proper conversation with your boyfriend in the same amount of time. You were not exactly happy about this; as his girlfriend, you wanted Chris to be able to communicate with you, to be able to let you help him when he was struggling. You were understanding in the beginning, but it was becoming too much now. You did not want to break up with him for the sake of your image, but rather for the sake of your own sanity. You missed having your best friend, but if he was not going to let you be his best friend, then did you have a choice?

One more chance.

You decided you would give him one more chance. Whether you were doing this to be fair or because you couldn’t let go, you didn’t know, but you didn't want to think about it deeper.

He walked into the apartment back from the gym and you looked up, your heart already stinging. In the past, he would have come straight to you, scooping you up roughly in his arms only to playfully bounce you around and tell you something silly along the lines of, “I like using you for lifting much better than weights, baby girl!” But now, he just came over with a mumbled hello, giving you a somewhat distracted kiss on the head before going into the bedroom.

You took a deep breath, forcing yourself to be patient. Coming over to the bedroom, you asked gently, “How was the gym?”

“Hm? Oh, it was good.”

“What’d ya work on today?”

“Oh, just arms and abs. Nothing special.”

“Are you free tonight? Maybe we could go out, get dinner or ice cream or something, it’s been a while…”

“Ah, I really wish I could babe, but I’m kind of tired today. I’m probably going to call it a night pretty early. But you should go out with some friends or something, maybe see if--”

“Are you serious, Chris?”

You finally snapped, nothing but misery and annoyance in your eyes as you looked at him. He blinked, clearly more concerned now as he straightened up from where he had been lounging on the bed. “What, baby?” he asked with a frown, and you scoffed, feeling tears stinging at your eyes simply from all the built up stress and frustration from the past month. “Are you really that oblivious? You’re seriously blind to the fact that we’ve practically been nothing more than roommates these days? When’s the last time you’ve even kissed me and meant it?”

He sighed deeply, running his fingers through his hair. “Look, you know it’s nothing to do with you. I’ve just been feeling a little stressed lately. The media’s really been killing me over here, doll.”

If he had told you this a couple of weeks ago, you would have felt sympathy, but not now. “The media’s been killing you for four weeks now, Chris, and I get it. It sucks. But I’m your girlfriend, you’re allowed to vent to me about this stuff, you’re allowed to tell me how you feel! Do you really think shutting yourself in like this and keeping quiet is going to do anything? You used to be so open with me, does that need to change because of a setback?” You sat down next to him, trying to blink back tears; you hated that you cried when you were angry, it really took away from trying to take charge of the situation. “We’re actors, Chris. This kind of thing happens, you know that. And it’s awful, and it makes us feel crappy, but we’re in it together now. You’ll bounce back from this because you’re an amazing and talented actor and you have fans who know that.” You sniffed as you looked away, talking softly, “You have every right to be upset about the situation. But you had no right to toss me aside in the process.” He seemed heartbroken as he listened to you, which only hurt you even more, but you ignored it as you stood up.

“Did you know my manager’s been nagging me to dump you for the past few weeks? Because of how Red Sea Diving Resort turned out?” You scoffed bitterly as you looked away, crossing your arms over your chest. “I could never, ever break up with you for something so shallow. You mean way more to me than some dumb Rotten Tomatoes review. But this, Chris? Ignoring me, shutting me out, wallowing in your self pity-- I think these things are all pretty good reasons as to why I should listen to my manager and end it.” You knew your words were harsh, but perhaps that was what he needed. A slap in the face, like reality often dealt out.

You looked back to him. He was quiet, there was pain  in his eyes. You waited, but he did not say anything. Making a soft noise of disappointment and disgust, you turned around, going into the closet and grabbing a bag, starting to throw clothes inside. This seemed to stir something within him; he immediately stood up with wide eyes, coming over and taking hold of your shoulders. “Baby, please. No. Fuck, I-- fuck, babe, I’m sorry. I’m so, so fucking sorry. You’re completely right.” He turned you around so that you were facing him, nothing but guilt and sorrow in his blue orbs. “And I should have realized it earlier. I don’t know what got into me baby, I’ve just been so damn worked up over this, everything else slipped away…”

His apology meant a lot, but you still couldn’t help but feel betrayed from all the built up tension. “And what if it’s too late for an apology?” you whispered, looking up at him with tears in your eyes. “What if the damage has been done?”

He looked down at you, his own eyes tearing up as he shook his head. “Please. No. No, baby, don’t leave me, I’m done sulking, I’m done being a fucking baby about this. I didn’t even fucking realize how bad it was, I know that sounds dumb but I was so caught up in all of the Red Sea shit. I know that’s not an excuse, but please, please baby, forgive me..”

You took a deep breath, wiping at your eyes. “I need some time, Chris, you really hurt me over the past month. I’ve made the mistake of giving the wrong people a second chance, and I need to think about if you’re the right person.” You could feel your heart tear apart as you saw a tear roll down his cheek; standing on your tiptoes, you wiped his tears as you kissed his cheek. “I’ll call you, alright? I.. I still love you, Chris. I just need time.”

With that, you took your packed bag and walked out of the apartment, forcing yourself not to look back at the love of your life’s face.

[paradigmsofbrittaperry]

For the writing ask game - number 20. I love your writing and I love hearing writers talking about miniature details in their writing that they're proud of. So it's like a win-win!

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

firstly, thank you!! secondly, my first truly long project has been RCOALS, so there’s been a lot of continuity/callbacks/foreshadowing throughout that whole project. the first example that I thought of is how in chapter one, at the back-to-school party, Jeff and Abed talk about Britta and their failed engagement in Jeff’s kitchen while everyone else is dancing in the living room. Jeff denies his feelings for Britta and promises that they won’t fall into old patterns, then shares a drink with Abed. in chapter ten, at Britta’s birthday party, they have another conversation in the kitchen as the others are dancing in the living room (but in apartment 303 this time instead of Jeff and Britta’s) where Jeff happily admits to Abed that him and Britta have been sleeping together again. this time, it ends with Abed telling Jeff to go dance with her while he stays behind in the kitchen to observe all of his friends (which is also a little bit of foreshadowing for the Abed arc I’ve been attempting to build into that fic!). it’s a beat in the arc I wanted to write for Jeff; one where he’s finally able to admit what Greendale means to him without his usual sarcasm or snark. he’s been able to admit his love for his friends for a while, but even throughout season 6, he couldn’t really say that he loved Greendale itself, and never had a proper story addressing his commitment issues, so those are both things that I wanted to change and address!! I’ve been really ambitious with the character arcs I’ve put into that project and I’m not always 100% certain that I can pull certain ones off, but it’s been fun to try! planning this thing has been a beast in itself, I’ve talked about it a little before, but the document I have to plan all of it out is a little bonkers. I’m keeping track of what information characters know about each other, trying to maintain a realistic and consistent timeline that makes sense, making plans to introduce and utilize side characters, outlining chapters, writing bits of dialogue as they come to me, and more. so!! long winded way of saying that I really love and appreciate when readers catch onto specific details and notice callbacks like the paralleled party scenes or mention development like Jeff’s.

as for something that’s not RCOALS, I was lowkey proud of the ‘silver and gold’ motif that I used in Precious Metals, Humble Outsiders, and You since I’m a sucker for figurative language. and fun fact about The Art of Active Observation: that work was heavily based on conversations that my World Lit class has been having. everything from the line “The things that make us imperfect make us real.” to “Working in absolutes would mean that life was meaningless; that they were all cosmic machinery designed to follow detailed handbooks and bulleted lists. Possibilities and probabilities were more comforting.” was taken pretty much straight from the conversations my class has been having about determinism and the book Notes from Underground! 

and as for references, the thing that I have the most fun referencing is honestly my real life lol. Britta had a terrible track record with bowling double dates and the group took photos in a bowling alley photo booth in Overcoming Obstacles and Making It Work because I once went on an exceptionally terrible double date to a bowling alley that was one of the more chaotic experiences that I’ve ever had, and I felt a need to give part of that experience to these fictional characters. the entire pinball museum chapter in RCOALS is based on my own love of pinball and desire to go back to the pinball museum that my family used to frequent (I will be there the minute I have my second shot I SWEAR), Rachel and Annie sing along to Mr. Brightside in the car on the way to their first date in First Dates for Dummies b/c I once sang along to that song with a girl I loved while in her car, I could honestly go on and on. it’s to a point where if one of my good friends found my work without knowing it was mine, they’d probably be able to tell anyway if they read enough of it. I usually just weave memories and stories of mine into my work because they either a) involve people I love and thus are an easy way to help give a scene more emotional weight since I’m weaving in something so heavily imbued with my own emotions or b) have the same chaotic energy that Community exudes.

WOW I did a lot of talking, but ask for meta and you shall receive!! thanks for giving me an excuse to ramble <3

[lailaliquorice]

learned to travel light

big trigger warning for eating disorders and small self harm reference

this is a heavy one loves. being open, it’s pretty much four thousand words of projection which I’ve wanted to write for a long time and has been a little bit therapeutic to be honest. but please take the trigger warnings seriously, and anyone is so welcome to message me if they need to talk to someone. I poured my heart out into this one and I’m really proud of it but please take care of yourselves

my amazing sibling @jarneiarichardnxel wrote a character study from aragon’s point of view which offshoots from this which you can find here. abs I love you so much and thank you for always being up for our headcanon sessions <3

Anne was used to being told she was too much.

It was the epitome of everything she’d been criticised for in her old life: too loud, too opinionated, just too much for a queen. And somehow the comment occasionally followed through to this new life that she’d hoped so desperately would be a new fresh start. She was still too loud, still too opinionated, and too pushy on stage and constantly trying to make everything about her at the expense of her fellow queens. For the most part though, she could chalk those comments up to her just following the script since that was all people saw of her and not take them to heart too much.

But suddenly there was also the added ammunition of the twenty first century standards she’d suddenly found herself measured by. Suddenly it wasn’t just her personality that was too much. She was too tall, too awkward, standing out against the rest of the queens. It was enough to make her skin crawl whenever she put her costume and caught her reflection in the full length mirror.

Sat in her costume at the dressing room table after a show, a quick glance through social media while she got her breath back wiped the smile from her face as someone had thought to tag the show account in a hard hitting comment. ‘Saw six for the first time and honestly couldn’t stand boleyn after 5 mins. Idk how the other queens put up with her when the show’s over. And she sticks out like a sore thumb in that skimpy outfit.’

Shame burned at the back of her throat as she subconsciously covered the gap between her top and her skirt with one hand. Normally she loved her costume but in the space of a split second she felt uncomfortable with so much of herself on show, wishing she had a dress like Jane’s that didn’t leave her stomach and her arms and her legs so exposed.

“Oi! Cleves calling Boleyn, are you receiving?”

Anna’s shout made Anne jump in her seat, giving Anna a shaky smile as she laughed at her reaction. “Sorry Anna, in a world of my own there. Did you say something?”

“I said we’re all going to the pub for dinner when we’re changed, you coming?” Anna repeated.

Normally Anne would have nodded immediately, always eager to spend a night out with her friends after a tiring day. But her first thought instead went to the comments on her phone, the constant reminder of how she was too loud and too overbearing every time she refreshed the page. “Not tonight, gonna go home and go to bed early,” she said with a quick shake of her head.

Both Anna and Aragon looked surprised, but to Anne’s relief they didn’t comment on it. “Alright babes, get some rest,” Anna said, picking up her costume to take down to wardrobe before she left for the night. “Usual drill, let someone know you’re home and all that, alright?”

“Yeah,” Anne nodded, deliberately keeping her eyes trained on Anna so she didn’t have to meet Aragon’s concerned expression that she could feel boring into the side of her skull.

She looked back down at her phone as Anna left, waiting for Aragon to leave before she got changed into her own clothes since the thought of any more of her body being on view for scrutiny made her stomach knot. But she couldn’t keep avoiding Aragon when she walked over and leaned on the desk right next to where Anne was sitting. “Are you ok” she asked quietly.

Anne immediately plastered the most convincing smile she could muster on her face, desperately hoping that Aragon’s kind eyes couldn’t see through her mask. “Yeah, I’m fine, promise,” she said quickly, any gratitude for the concern quashed by her desperate wish that Aragon would leave her to her shame.

Aragon gave a nod of acceptance though her eyes betrayed her lack of conviction. “Alright. If you’re not having dinner with us then I’ve got some leftovers in the fridge from last night you can have,” she said, repeating Anna’s request that Anne let them know when she was home before she left and shut the dressing room door behind her.

The minute she was alone Anne sagged, not needing to keep up the pretence any longer. She closed her eyes for a moment, willing herself the energy to get up and go home and not just sit in her chair gathering dust until the next show, and after giving a tired huff she pushed herself up and started to take her hairpieces out. She deliberately kept her gaze towards the floor as changed out of her costume as fast as possibly but still managed to catch the odd glimpse of herself in the mirrors surrounding her and winced every time she did so.

Once home she did send a text to the group chat. But she didn’t eat Aragon’s leftovers.

~~~

The same pattern repeated itself several times more over the course of the next few weeks. It wasn’t only meals out, if a couple of the other queens were eating at the table together then Anne would come up with a hasty excuse to take her plate up to her room so she wouldn’t have to bother them by joining them. The more time progressed the fewer meals she would actually eat, more times than not just letting it go cold as she continued to distract herself with a tv show or something before emptying the plate into the bin once the others had gone to bed.

She didn’t know when the aim of her behaviour transitioned from avoiding mealtimes to avoiding meals themselves. The feeling of hunger became something she could fixate on to avoid thinking about how much she was burdening everyone. Having absolute control over her food felt like a lifeline after being so used to drifting uncontrollably through her past life dictated by others.

If she knew she had to be present for dinner then any thought of lunch would go out the window so she could compensate, and she’d spend the entire meal fidgeting in her chair and pushing food around her plate to distract from how little she was eating. She kept quiet for the most part so as not to bother the others with her presence but made sure she was chatty whenever someone spoke to her, desperately making sure that no-one picked up on anything she didn’t want them too. That no-one picked up on the fact that those mealtimes made her so anxious she wanted to cry.

When the hunger kept her up at night she distracted herself with the thought that she was doing everyone a favour. If everyone thought she was too much then she would make herself smaller; smaller emotionally, smaller physically, small enough that no-one could criticise her anymore.

It was only a few weeks before she started seeing changes whenever she could bear to look in the mirror. And as she stared at her reflection, hollow cheeks and angular shoulders and visible collarbones, she couldn’t quite make up her mind whether it scared her or not.

So she kept going.

The biggest change in her after noticing those results was that the usually cuddly and clingy Anne couldn’t bear the idea of anyone touching her anymore. It wasn’t the fear of being touched itself – secretly she still craved that as much as she refused to admit it to herself – it was the fear of anyone else noticing something different about her body. She knew that what she could see in the mirror had to be noticeable beneath other people’s hands, which was a risk she couldn’t take.

Shrinking beneath Anna patting her on the shoulder and wriggling out from Cathy’s arm around her or Jane and Kat’s hugs felt like an arrow to her own heart, but she knew she had to do it. What hurt the most though were the shadows of worry in Aragon’s eyes whenever she watched Anne doing so. The thought that she was disappointing Aragon above anyone else felt infinitely worse than she had ever expected it to.

She’d noticed Aragon keeping a close eye on her more and more as time and habits progressed, bringing her to try avoiding Aragon’s watchful gaze whenever humanely possible in an attempt to throw her off. But she knew that she couldn’t hide forever.

Anne was sat at the table in the kitchen that evening, elbows rested on the tabletop and head hanging between hunched shoulders. She’d done her usual routine of pretending to take her dinner upstairs but not taking a mouthful and emptying the plate as soon as everyone had gone to bed, but an unexpected wave of dizziness and exhaustion had left her near-collapsed on a chair with her empty plate next to her. Her breathing was heavy as she tried to ignore the dark spots in her vision, heart beating a panicky rhythm at the thought of someone walking into the kitchen and seeing her in that state.

Sure enough, the sound of someone coming down the stairs was followed by the kitchen light being flicked on and a soft gasp as she was spotted. Anne screwed her eyes shut as the footsteps continued towards her, knowing it was too late to make a run for it now even if she thought her shaking knees would be able to carry her up two flights of stairs.

“Anne?”

It was Aragon. Anne hardly responded to the sound of her name being called, just winced slightly when she placed a gentle hand on Anne’s arm after sitting down beside her. “Anne, what’s going on?”

Anne couldn’t make herself answer for a couple of seconds, her mind too occupied by the emptiness in her stomach and her unsteady breathing and the fear that Aragon could feel every bone in her shoulderblade. “Nothing’s going on, I’m fine,” she answered, but even she could hear the weariness in her voice.

“Don’t.” Aragon’s tone was firm yet gentle as she shook her head, and when she removed her hand from Anne’s shoulder Anne managed to look round and just about meet her gaze. “Don’t say that. I know something’s wrong. There’s things I’ve noticed that aren’t ok and I’m worried about you.”

She might have continued to push Aragon away if it wasn’t for that last comment. It was the first indication she’d been given that what she was doing to herself wasn’t better for the other queens, that they might have possibly been happy with her the way she was. Even while the louder voice in her mind shoved that idea away almost immediately, she couldn’t help the shaky “What?” that escaped her lips.

Even with the forgiveness in Aragon’s voice softening the blow, Anne couldn’t help but feel as if she was being read out a list of her crimes. “You’re quieter, you look exhausted all the time, you don’t have the same energy during the show that you used to. And while the others all think you’re just having an off few weeks, I think I know what the cause of it might be.”

Anne was silent as she watched Aragon tap the plate that was still sat like a barrier between them.

“Back in the time following Arthur’s death I was kept here to wait for Henry to come of age,” Aragon started after a long pause. Anne wondered briefly why there was such a note of hesitation in her voice and glimmer of fear in her eyes, but that was answered as soon as she continued. “I was a pawn for both our fathers; I had no control over my life and my future. So I took control over one of the few things I had the power too.”

“Food,” Anne said quietly, filling in the blank where she paused.

Aragon gave a single nod. “I fasted excessively during those years. I believed it would bring me closer to God, hoped that He would be more inclined to answer my prayers and secure my future. It became an obsession with surviving on as little food as I could and I welcomed the suffering it caused me, since like many I believed that pain brought me closer to Christ.”

She broke off with a rough sigh before adding “but I did suffer. I made myself ill for most of those seven years; stomach pains, fevers, cold sweats, headaches and dizzy spells.” After another pause to let her words sink in, she asked “Do some of those sound familiar?” as she looked into Anne’s eyes.

“Mhm,” Anne hummed almost silently. Now that she knew Catherine understood what was going through her head she didn’t try to pretend otherwise.

“I thought so,” Aragon said, reaching out to take Anne’s hand in hers as she continued. “And that’s why I want to help you. Because I know how much of a vicious cycle this is and how hard it is to break out of it. I could never eat properly for the rest of my life after I let it go on for so long and I don’t want that for you. We want the old Anne back who comes out with us and dances around and smiles more, we miss you.”

Clearing her throat almost embarrassedly, she finished with a mumbled “I, err, I miss you.”

Staring at their conjoined hands, Anne couldn’t quite work out who’s hand was trembling the most. Hers, from lack of food, or Catherine’s.

“I’m fine though,” she heard herself saying before she was fully aware of it, pulling her hand from Aragon’s and moving to stand from her chair. She almost pitched over sideways as her head spun for a second, but she refused to let herself accept the hand held out to steady her and instead caught herself on the kitchen counter. “I know what I’m doing. I’m not gonna let myself get sick or anything. I just… I’m better this way, alright? I’m not too much anymore and that’s better for everyone.”

“Anne, please-“

“No!” she choked out in a tone nearing hysteria, hot tears threatening to spill as she backed away from the temptation of Aragon’s help. She was better how she was, she had to keep telling herself that. “Thank you, really, but I don’t need anyone’s help.”

She couldn’t look at Aragon’s expression before turning tail and sprinting up the stairs towards her room, throwing herself onto her bed as she sobbed with self-hatred and guilt.

Aragon’s words kept playing over and over throughout the mostly sleepless night, keeping Anne awake with longing for that lifeline she’d been thrown and regret for how she’d essentially chucked it back in Aragon’s face. Part of her wanted to keep pushing onwards, still convinced that she was doing the right thing and making the right choice, but the voice in her head screaming for her to stop was speaking up again after months of being silenced. It was enough to keep her up for hours, only dozing off as the first hints of dawn peeked in from under her curtains and jolting awake as her alarm blared barely a few hours later.

She avoided Aragon like the plague the next day as much as it hurt her, feeling more like she was missing something the further away they were. But Anne couldn’t deny that something from Aragon’s conversation had clicked in her mind since she realised during their warmup how tired she already felt, how little conversation she joined in with in the dressing room, and how loosely her skirt sat around her hips when it had once hugged her waist comfortably.

Suddenly she found herself disliking her body for a new reason entirely.

The dregs of exhaustion clung on as the day progressed, and somehow the nap she took between the shows left her feeling even more groggy and spaced out than she’d done after finishing the matinee. While waiting behind the curtain before the evening show a sudden spell of dizziness had her sagging onto Anna’s throne for a moment as her legs threatened to give up on her again, ignoring the worried looks that Kat and Jane both sent her. She was fine. She could make it through the show, she couldn’t let her friends down like that.

And she was right, but only just.

She vaguely realised as Jane’s section of the megasix was transitioning into Anna’s that she’d stopped singing at some point and hadn’t even realised it, her mouth forming the words but not a single sound coming out. She managed to keep dancing though, making sure she was at the back of the group so that the audience would focus on the rest of the queens and not notice anything was wrong. Her normally shouted ‘Beheaded!’ was barely a squeak as she realised her sight was blurring again and it was nothing to do with the stage lights.

Straightening up after taking a bow made her head spin so much that she thought she was going to fall over there and then. Black static spotted around her vision and her legs felt like cotton wool as she realised she needed to get off stage immediately.

Dancing around with the other queens before they left the stage was forgotten when the music kicked back in, taking full advantage of her position at the end of the line to make a stumbling exit.

She didn’t make it more than two steps into the wing before her vision turned to black and she fell, legs folding underneath her as she hit the ground hard and didn’t get up.

~~~

A couple of hours later found Anne curled up on the sofa with a blanket wrapped around her

Her soft cries went unheard and tears unseen in the dark room, since she’d made no indication to the other queens that she was awake yet. She could hear them all talking in the kitchen through the connecting wall, unable to pick out any individual words though she could still sense the tension in the conversation just by the quiet and strained way they were all talking.

Guilt twisted at her stomach when she realised she’d done that. She’d created that worry, she’d put herself in danger despite Aragon’s warning, she’d let them down.  

She could still see their terrified faces as she’d come round from fainting as if they were burned into her mind. Aragon’s eyes were the first she saw since she cradled Anne’s head in her lap to keep her off the unforgiving floor, with Jane and Kat each gripping onto one of her hands and Anna and Cathy crouched beside them. The sheer volume of love and sorrow in their expressions had been too overwhelming to look at as she turned her face into Aragon’s lap to hide her tears, too weak to protest as she was picked up like she was lighter than a feather and carried away from the stage.

As the hall light flickered on and footsteps left the kitchen she hid her face in her blanket this time, expecting that someone would check on her and not wanting them to catch her crying yet again that day. She’d hardly stopped during the journey home, bundled into a taxi and squashed in between Kat and Cathy with their legs pressed up against hers. Normally it was Cathy who was always forced to sit in the middle since she was the smallest queen by far, and the fact that Anne was now sat in her place somehow drove her reality home again just like her ill-fitting costume had done earlier that day.

The living room door being pushed open spilled light into the room, illuminating Anne’s damp cheeks despite the blanket pulled up to her nose. “Oh sweetheart,” sighed Jane’s soft voice, closing the door and turning on one of the lamps to fill the room with a warm glow.

Anne scrambled to sit up as Jane moved to sit beside her, keeping the blanket wrapped around her as if it could shield her from the conversation she knew was coming. She was almost surprised that it wasn’t Aragon there since she’d spoken to her the night before and had the best idea of what she was going through, and that thought drove her to blurt out “Is Catherine mad at me?” before Jane had a chance to speak.

“Of course she isn’t love,” Jane said soothingly, the assuredness in her face calming Anne’s fear. “She looked exhausted so I told her to get some rest. None of us are angry at you, we’re just all so worried.”

She didn’t react at first, just felt slightly uncomfortable at the idea of everyone worrying so much about her. None of them deserved that.

A minute of comfortable silence passed, before Jane turned to face her and began the conversation she’d been dreading. “Anne, love, I’m going to ask you something and I want you to be as honest as you can be, alright? I’m not going to be disappointed at anything you tell me, I just want you to be honest,” she said, waiting for Anne to give the tiniest nod before she asked “Have you eaten anything today?”

“A bit,” Anne said truthfully, though what might have once been a defensive tone of voice was reduced to a quiet mumble. “I had breakfast, and I had a something between the shows. I didn’t not eat anything.”

“But that’s never going to keep you going for two shows love. Our food is our fuel, and you can’t perform while running on empty.”

Anne didn’t have the words to comment on that, still trapped in a mindset where she wasn’t ready to confirm it but didn’t have the strength to deny it anymore. Instead she just asked “What were you all talking about in the kitchen earlier?” while rubbing beneath her eyes with a rough hand.

Jane seemed to pause for a moment as if trying to find the right words to start with. “We were speaking about you but I promise it was nothing bad at all. Catherine told us a few things that she was worried about and we were discussing how we might be able to help you. Because we want to help you sweetheart, if you’ll let us.���

There was something about the pleading look in Jane’s eyes and the gentle offer in her words that made Anne crack at long last. Months’ worth of anguish poured out as she sobbed into her hands, before Jane wrapped her up into a hug and Anne clung onto her with all the strength she had left in her worn-down limbs. Jane whispered soft assurances in her ear as she shuddered and shook within her embrace, rubbing Anne’s back comfortingly with one hand as she held her close while she cried.

“I don’t want to be like this anymore,” Anne choked out after a while, pulling back a little to look at Jane through red-rimmed eyes. “I hate it so much, I thought I was making things better but it’s so much worse. And I don’t know what do to. I want help, I just need help.”

“We’re here to help you love, we’re here and we’re not going to let you get worse, I promise,” Jane said, reaching out to push a strand of dark hair away from Anne’s face and gently wipe the tears streaming down one cheek.

Anne nodded, letting Jane pull her back in to rest against her with her head resting on her chest. Jane was soft and comfy and everything that Anne wasn’t with all her sharp angles and bony joints – if Jane was mum shaped then Anne was skeleton shaped, she realised with a tang of bitterness on her tongue. She was still at war with herself over how she felt towards her body, half of her looking at the changes with relish and the other half with disgust, but with the day she’d had she was leaning very firmly towards the latter.

But those thoughts all quietened down as Jane held her close despite how Anne knew she could probably feel the outline of her ribs and hip with the hand on Anne’s waist. A fresh wave of exhaustion crashed over her and she tried to lift her head against the sudden tiredness, though gave up when Jane let out a soft chuckle and stroked a hand over her hair. “You can sleep love, it’s alright,” she whispered, giving Anne the permission she needed to close her eyes. “You’re safe now, tomorrow is a new start and we’re all here beside you.”

It was a scary prospect, challenging the habits that had become her safety net over the last few months. But she was tired of pushing herself into a mould that was too small for other people’s satisfaction. The faintest hint of a smile graced her features as she slipped into sleep and waited for her brighter dawn.

[moodyvalentinestories]

O Thomas Hunt, Wherefore Art Thou My Professor? | Chapter 15

Summary: After her talk to a powerful player in Hollywood got cut short, Rachel was given another opportunity with yet another executive...

Notes: Hey. Just wanted to mention that I’ll be posting new chapters to this story every Tuesday from now on!

Also, you can read this on AO3 if you prefer that.

I crossed my arms in front of my chest. "I wasn't getting into trouble. I was looking for my next project. You should know that. After all, you're one of the people who made this a requirement for me to stay at HWU."

"Oh, is that so?" Hunt chuckled dryly. "Letting someone like Victor Montmartre take advantage of you is hardly the way to impress the committee. Quit being so naive if you ever want to make it around here, Miss Fields."

I knew he was right. Mr Montmartre had given off weird vibes. Nonetheless, I wasn't going to let Hunt interfere whenever he felt like it. "I'm not naive. I could have handled myself."

"I don't doubt it," he said, to my surprise. "But you don't exactly have the best track record of staying out of trouble with influential people, do you? Has the incident with Miss Stone taught you nothing?"

Rolling my eyes, I replied, "I don't even know why you care. Can't you just go bother someone who isn't as irrelevant as I am?" I regretted the words as soon as they'd left my mouth. Why did I have to keep showing him that I cared about his opinion of me? Why couldn't I just let him believe that I didn't give a crap?

"Jesus Christ," Hunt said under his breath before speaking up. "You're not seriously still hung up on that, are you? If you're going to succeed in Hollywood, you'll need to develop a thicker skin. People are going to say things that are a lot worse about you."

I don't care what people will say. I care what you say! I thought to myself. Luckily, I managed not to let the words leave my mouth this time. "Whatever you say, Professor. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have more important people to talk to."

Without waiting for his reaction, I turned back around and walked away from Hunt, looking for Ethan.

It didn't take me long to find him. Of course, he was with yet another group of influential-looking people. When he saw me, he came walking towards me.

"I see your talk with Montmartre didn't go too well," he said. Before I could even reply, he continued, "No worries. I have someone else you might want to meet. Brian Ratzik. Not as big a fish as Montmartre, but he'll do. He’s an executive producer over at Galactic Pictures. And, oh yeah, you love to play golf."

Confused, I asked, "What, why? I don't even--"

"Shh, just roll with it. Now get your game face on. You still want to stay at Hollywood U, don't you?"

"Of course, but--"

Ethan didn't let me finish. He just pulled me towards the group of men, who eyed me curiously.

"Rachel, this is Brian. Brian, this is the white-hot young talent from Lisa's music video, my good friend and client, Rachel Fields."

With a smile, Ratzik extended a hand. "I'm happy to meet you, Rachel."

"As am I, Mr Ratik," I replied as I shook his hand.

He laughed. "I appreciate the respect, but call me Brian. I saw the music video. Very impressive work. You’ve got a lot of potential."

"Potential? My three-year-old nephew has potential. Rachel’s kicking butt, taking names, and making hotter-than-hot music videos!" Ethan chimed in.

Brian rolled his eyes and turned toward him. "Relax, Ethan. I see that your client is talented."

"Thank you, Brian," I said, trying to take his attention off Ethan, who seemed a bit too enthusiastic. "I'm curious, what's the next big project over at Galactic Pictures?"

"Oh, it's not official yet, but we’re working on a new film called ‘Tenth Planet’. A space opera about a conflict between Earth and a mysterious planet that decloaks next to ours."

Ethan opened his mouth to speak again but Brian didn't even let him.

"I'll spare you and Ethan any further sucking up. I've got A-list talent on this all around. It's out of your league, I'm afraid," he said.

"Oh," I said, trying to hide my disappointment. "Well, I suppose I might want to look into smaller projects first."

"Do that. You keep working your way up the ladder. Something small opens up, you’ll be at the top of my list. How’s that sound?" Brian said with a smile.

"Pretty good, actually," I said. "Thank you."

"We'll be in touch. I wish you all the best, Rachel," he said, emptying his glass and handing it to a passing waiter. "I've got some business to attend to now."

After he left, Ethan turned to me with a sad expression. "Sorry that didn't work out."

"Don't worry about it," I said, forcing a smile. "Montmartre didn't want me, either. At least not for the right reasons. I'll find something slightly less ambitious, for sure."

"I... I just thought with your first project being something this huge..."

"It's fine. I'll start small and, in no time, I'll be at the top. Starring in big productions left and right."

Ethan's face lit up. "Glad to see you're still so confident. Don't lose that around here, yeah?"

I chuckled. "I'll try my best. Though, with Hunt on my case, I'm not so sure I'll manage."

"Don't let him get you down like that. Speaking of him, though, I think I saw him here earlier. Can you believe it? Hunt, at a party like this?"

"Oh, I can," I said, laughing dryly. "He's just here to rain on my parade, I'm sure."

He did kind of save you from Montmartre, my inner voice said. I ignored it.

"Well, we won't let him. Come on, we should have some fun. And maybe we'll even run into some other producer or--"

"Enough talking business for today," I said with a laugh. "I, for one, am going to get myself a drink and see if I can score a hot movie star's number. One who preferably has a nice set of abs."

Ethan shook his head at me but grinned. "Very well. Do what you must. I'll be networking."

"To each their own," I said, chuckling, as I headed towards the bar.

[taeguboi]

BTS as... Punks

So hahahahaha idk why it posted my extremely incomplete draft earlier (bug with the app?) So consider that now deleted post as a preview hahaha

Requested: “BTS as Punks please!”

RM

activist

anything that's for a good cause

he's behind it

probably makes his own charity

for something close to his heart

and puts on punk events a few times a week

music

poetry

all kinds of food stalls

suitable for everyone’s dietary needs

the occasional street protest

quite laid back though

but the things he has done have had a huge impact on people’s lives

he feeds the poor at his music events

he takes in donations from people to aid the homeless

basically against those unfair imbalances you get in society

he wants to be in a punk band 

but at the same time it isn’t really for him

so sometimes he just grabs a guitar 

and busks with improvised lyrics 

things that are on his mind

things about the world at present

and the things the talks and posts about to people inspire writers of bands

kind of like a journalist

he knows everyone on the local punk scne

he’s been involved ever since he was a kid

smokes a fair amount like

“cool mate, cool beans... right, I’m just off out for a fag”

not many piercings as you might expect

like mostly his ears

and a few intimate areas...

always has colourful punk hair

probably a low key mohawk

several meaningful tattoos

because his family is everything

so is this one person in his life

some drunken tattoos also hahaha

couple of face tatts

always a gentleman to girls

if there’s a creep on the scene 

just tell him

that guy will be exposed 

and gone for good from this local punk scene

and beyond as far as his contacts can take him

he just wants a safe scene

will fend for anyone though really

has a local watering hole

go down to that pub on any afternoon 

and there’s 90% chance he is there

mostly just for the people

maybe buys only 2 drinks the whole time usually

but if he gets drunk

get your notepad and pen

he’s gonna throw 196489 contacts your way

so if your band are ever in need of a gig

you know who to call

Jin

at first, doing punk music is merely a hobby

but then it turns into something more

his pleasure in busking turns into a passion

a dream to make it with a band

so he gets together the best people he knows

and they fucking rock

no one can say a bad thing about Jin’s punk band

they rehearsed diligently for so long

so they sound so tight

he rocks the denim jacket

with all the patches

some badges too

a ton of badges are on his bag though instead

and stickers on his guitar case

a fan of every band he performs with

his guitar case is choc a bloc with local band stickers

so he doesn’t have a mohawk

but his bangs progressively get messier

occasionally he dyes them [example, like V’s green bangs in hyyh era]

he changes loads in little ways

like you leave school and he’s this ‘ordinary’ lad

but then you bump into him like 7 years later 

and wtf he’s stunning

like his aura changed

you thought maybe he’d go into like a business job

but he’s rocking the stage most nights a week

you can’t help but go support him more

and maybe something happens from there but that can be a story for another time

and so maybe he doesn’t get BIG with this band

but he earns a sustainable income

and that’s more than good enough

life is good

music, booze and girls

no drugs tho

wise in that sense, contrary to some punk stereotypes

kind of fluffy actually

some say he’s a poser

but he just likes to look good

and is aware how certain rougher looks just really don’t suit him

so that’s all there is to that 

actually that’s all there is to this

the end :P

Suga

probably a performer too

maybe more into the dub / ska kind of genre

full of stage presence and hype

when he has a message

he fucking gets it across

because he’s so assertive

as well as those catchy melodies

just messy af hair

doesn’t care for it to be any particular length or style

just keep it natural

in fact, fuck visuals

no dress sense whatsoever

like he has a green shirt on with pink jeans and yellow converse

sound is all that matters

so what else?

solitary

like he could be backed up by a band

but fuck that

if he has the equipment that can do it all then why not?

it’s easier to work alone

so he supports like 876 charity events

and has a big share of festivals

headline material

especially at the proper hippie festivals

great for people high af

great for drunkards

great for sober peeps too

you get it, great for everyone

apart from perhaps kids 

cos swearing

sometimes you need that bit of aggression in lyrics, right?

he’s not as aggressive as he might seem on stage

but something is pent up in there

and he is one rough boy

actually, a lot like badboy!suga

can handle anything

but can you handle him?

J-Hope

idk why I always imagine him as a skater

but here we go

in a skate punk band

bass player

can also do drums tho

backwards caps for life

that one band member you think is shy af

cos he seems so quiet

but the moment you say ‘hey’ and congratulate him on a good show

he can talk your ear off for hours

again no drugs

but plenty of beer

cos getting drunk is funnier

the world is a more enjoyable place with skate punk and alcohol

seriously it really is, take that from me hahah

graffiti projects

either for promotion

or to help like restless kids as a distraction or something

let’s just say that’s something he can relate to

may or may not be how he got into this whole skate punk stuff

so yeah will take any charity gig

doesn’t mind if venues pay him in beer

he would have spent the dollar on that anyways

all about living it up with his mates

bros before hoes

has a side band that’s like party punk

any excuse to get bros together

for a good old knees up

only bands of his close friends get played in the car

girls are quite interested in him

but lmao he’s having none of it

he just wants to embrace life

don’t need anything more than mates and family

but he writes really cool songs on the topic of love

you know without being too soppy with it being punk and all

but it’s fucking amazing

but no one knows where he gets the ideas from

no one knows where he gets his energy from either 

will jump off everything and anything

on certain days, he’ll climb everything and anything too

just a fun loving cool punk

Jimin

more or less that one guy you see everywhere on the scene

he’s not in a band

doesn’t really do his own music

but he’s a fan of his scene

every weekend, he’s somewhere to see punk music

be it the local pub for one of his faves

or a town centre for a punk charity thing

or even miles away to see someone he knows getting bigger

leather

with a few patches

piercings

all the ear piercings you could imagine

lips and tongue

used to have an eyebrow one

but decided he looked too generic

or like a chav

something or other

he knows he doesn’t have the most original look

but he can’t stand being too similar to someone else

if anyone in this room tonight is wearing a leather jacket and completely black clothing

he might just tear it off himself and / or burn it

abs and tatts are a good look anyone so doesn’t matter

probably works out to punk music

high school drop out

because he started to realize how useless it is

so he’s generally clever where it’s more relevant in life

saves money well

good paying job

can fund his love for punk basically

and each and every band he supports fully appreciates it

I’m sorry guys I swear there isn’t a not fluffy Jimin gif for me to use hahaha

V

so yeah I’m sorry if this turns out too similar to

badboy!V

because I literally made him a punk in that hc

I’m thinking he’s a lead singer of a punk band

that raspy voice works to his advantage

capable of hardcore punk genres

but prefers and sticks to a more rock n roll kind of punk

long hair

whatever colour he feels like this month

piercings galore

tatts galore

will put a needle anywhere on his body

lives on the edge

lives in the moment

yolo

arrests

protests

he’s done it all

cos fuck the law man

if something about society bothers him

he will speak up

fearless boy

will get his band a gig anywhere in the country

he has things he needs to say

thoughts to spread

only uses social media for punk

his profile is just of gig pictures of his own and sharing events

not your typical singer

kind of writes everything

the band just copy / pick up what he shows them

busks alone sometimes too

may or may not make extra dollar from sneaky acoustic gigs

but it’s not out of selfishness, no

he will always have a goal in mind

and good intentions

like he wants to band to afford professional recordings

or he wants to set up and event

that kind of thing

pay attention

to the things he talks about in his music

you’ll learn a lot

Jungkook

drummer

just needs to hit something

so as long as it isn’t people then great

basically the world screwed him over in some way at some point

and it made him rethink his views about the world

for ages it was restless frustration about it all

but then he discovered punk

the day he discovered his local scene

he wrote random poetry for days

the words had flow to them

but they were unconventional

and then a mate sees it

and he’s like “dude this is sick”

and a band is formed

likes a bit of everything

has friends he can go to the skate park with

has mates to mosh with at hardcore gigs

has friends he can chill with for ska

quite a late learner with the drums

but he must have a natural talent for it

because he becomes amazing in just under 2 years

can do any genre of punk

everyone wants him in their new projects

he’s the guy everyone needs if their guy quits

you know, the demand for Jungkook’s drumming is insance

fortunately he’s wise enough to just stick with the first 3 bands

cos like I say not only does he drum for them

but his creative input for lyrics is huge

just sit him down, give him a topic and bam

he’s just written you a verse and chorus

what else?

50% backwards caps

25% forwards cap

25% lost his cap

somewhat forgetful in areas other than drumming

maybe a bit of a stoner like

“oh yeah man! I forgot about that!

the way his cap is on does often depend on level of alcohol in his blood

forwards for business

backwards for sloshed party animal

breaks a lot of drum sticks by accident

breaks a few hearts by accident welp

I guess girls and guys just notice the muscle 

which he never hides well

cos of course as a drummer, you’re gonna wear a vest really

yeah, that’s pretty much it

[justasmalltowngirl-posts-blog]

CHAPTER FOUR.

A couple of days went by before I went back to the shop. Alain was very apologetic when I told him that I needed to leave for a few days for my grandmother’s funeral. He was able to share with me a similar situation when his mother passed away and it was easier for me to go through this difficult time when someone can understand where I’m coming from. I decided to tattoo all day before leaving this weekend. Drawing brings me away from negative energy and especially to get away from times like this. I’ve been receiving tons of messages on Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat with post that I’ve put out to the public with my grandmother. This waive of love is giving me a warm hug and I’m very thankful for that. I took a few walk-ins for small or big tattoos, it doesn’t matter for today and gradually, those clients we’re able to change my mind and share their grief experience with me. I think I’m prepared to face this dark day and take one day at a time and let myself know that she’s happy where she’s at and her pain is finally gone forever.

I took a break to go get something to eat near the tattoo shop. This vegan place is so good and I love the beyond meat burgers that they have and everything is homemade. Yes, it is a bit expensive, but when I want something good and healthy, I go there. I place my order for to go because I wanted to continue this big project I started this morning before my first client. I usually don’t eat at the shop for sanitary reasons, but today, I’m making an exception. I didn’t even open the door to enter the shop that I was surprise to see Tyler talking with Alain near the front desk. He has this type of shirt who was showing all the details of his upper body. Those muscles, his abs and those tattoos, oh my lord, I’m gonna lose my mind over that kid. I push the door with my left hip and I gave him a little smile.

 “Wow! That smell’s so good. Can I taste...”

 Alain tried to sneak in my bag to grab some fries and give a little slap on the top of his fingers so back off.

 “Hey, no touchy. I know how sneaky you are little Fries stiller.” I said with a corner smile and I turn my attention to Tyler with my left hand on my hip.

 “Hey beautiful.”

 “Hey…”

 “How you feelin’?”

 “I’m OK. I mean, I guess I will pass through all that. It’s just, I wonder if it’s because I was not around enough or she didn’t wanted to tell anyone that she was sick but…”

 “Hey come here.” Said Tyler with is arms wide open.

 I wasn’t sure if it was a friendly hug or not. I wanted to think otherwise but I enjoy the moment of being in the arms of somebody else and especially Tyler’s. He was warm and was giving me chills. I do have a low body temperature, but nothing major to bring me to the hospital and no, I’m not a vampire. Even if I wish to be one sometimes, but I’m not. I took a few steps back and catch his beautiful dark brown eyes. This feeling that I’m having right now is very different. It’s like he gave me this vision of what would it look like in the future me and… him. Just the way he was holding me in his arms and how he was touching me, it was like electricity rushing threw my veins. I look at him with a smile and he started to mention that he wanted to start a chest piece. Lord, Jesus take the wheel I’m over my head right now with this idea and seeing him with no shirt on, if I had a mic in my end, I’ll drop it. I took of a few ideas he had saved in is phone and I brought him to my station to make some measurements. I put a side my lunch who was smelling so good in my office and my stomach was starting to give me this weird burning feeling when you didn’t eat for a few hours. I wanted to take my time with Tyler and spend some time with him and just enjoy is presents here. I was even surprise to see him here, but I’m also very present on social media. In the end, it was not very surprising to be honest.

I took a little measuring tape from my desk and face him to analyse is chest.

 “Can you take off your shirt please?” I ask very fast with my voice who was cracking.

 I was biting my bottom lip so hard while seeing him taking of is Under Armor shirt. My heart was doing 360’s under my sternum and I starting to feel a little bit dizzy. I needed to concentrate to not faint in is perfect muscular arms. It took a few second before I gain back my sense and took a big deep breath before I ask him to put is arms on a 180 degree angle for me to take some measurement.

 “Your hands are ice cold.” Said Tyler while feeling some goose bumps on is skin.

 “I’m sorry. I can put some latex gloves if you want.” I said while looking at him in dark brown eyes.

 “It’s OK. I don’t mind that.” He says with a smile that brought colors to my face.

 I smile at him, a little shy but being with him, it’s like my life here is getting easy. I was done working on his chest and he put back is shirt on before taking a sit on my tattoo chair. A little moment of silences was making things a little bit awkward but I was not feeling uncomfortable about it.

 “Are you leaving just for the weekend?”

 “No, I’m taking a week off. My plans are a bit different now because I was supposed to leave in two weeks for her birthday actually, but anyway… I wish I was seeing my family in a different matter.”

 He nodded a little with a smile. I pressed my chin on my left fist and excel heavily. I’m having second thoughts about those days I’m gonna spend in Ottawa and I shouldn’t but I can’t help it. I guess I’m not only one in my family with weird thoughts because it’s never easy and what is even stupid it’s that we gonna back on our normal routine. We gonna take back life like that nothing never happen, but there will be always this little soft spot for this memory who will never leave us. Some people take it the good way and others, it can be confusions, weird or they can be hangry all their lives. For my part, its confusion and it’s gonna be weird to not see her. Pictures will always bring back the best memories that I have with her. I’m proud to say that she’s my grandmother.

 “I feel you and I think a beautiful girl like needs to be happy all the time and I was wondering, since I have the day off today, would you like to go for dinner tonight?”

 This question sound like I won a million dollars at the lottery. How can I be that lucky? It’s like it’s not even a real question who was just ask and my little angel on my right shoulder was beating my little devil on left shoulder to push to say yes. I don’t care if make other girls being jealous because oh Lord, it’s a gigantic YES!

“Well, that will be fantastic. It’s a yes.” I said with a big smile.

 The reaction of Tyler priceless. He was like a little kid in candy store, very excited to get what he wants but the feelings I have every time I see him and talk to him, it’s always positive. It’s like I knew him before and he understands me on a lot of things.

 “Text me your address, I will come get you at 7PM tonight.” He said standing up before leaving my office.

 I gave him a wink with a big smile. I was happy yes and very excited about that special night. I texted right away my home address before I put my head back on my project. I wanted to finish at least 90% of it before leaving for the rest of the day. I must say I was a bit nervous, but nothing major. It’s normal to be nervous and it’s a reaction that with cannot control at 100% and the last time I was on a date, it was not that pretty. I still have nightmares about that night and I just wish I never met that man.

 ***

  I was more and more nervous about tonight. I’ve spent almost an hour to choose the right outfit and still, I’m having second thoughts about it because I don’t even know where we are going. I was wearing a black strapless jump suit with a pair of gold Michael Kors sandals. It was a very simple look with my air loose brushed on one side. My air was wavy and shiny with the glitter who was in my shampoo. I only use that shampoo for good reasons and tonight was a very excuse to use it. I wanted to go out without make up, but I decided to draw a very simple black line on my eye leads to pop out my eyes even more. No more no less and Tyler just texted me that he was in front of my apartment building. I took a deep breath before going out of my apartment. I make sure that the door is locked before I leave. I keep telling myself that I’m strong and confidante and I didn’t need to be afraid of anything. I know that nothing bad will happen with him. I just need to trust him.

[sapphicscholar]

Hey, can you write a fic where Eliza Wilke realizes years later that she's gay and she tracks Maggie down to apologize cause she finally realizes just how much she hurt her and her life?

Hey, I just posted this chapter to AO3 here

A/N: Slightly nsfw at the beginning, then angst, CW for mentions of past homophobia and internalized homophobia

Also, some of this is written from Eliza’s point of view. I know she doesn’t always get the most sympathetic portrayal in fanfic, but I think hers (at least as it’s prompted here) is also a story worth telling. I think—and maybe I’m projecting—a lot of us have been Eliza, even if the consequences of our actions haven’t been nearly so dire. And maybe it’s just me who sent apology letters like this that were far too many years overdue, but I suspect that there’s something here that just might resonate for others too.

Chapter Text:

Maggie squinted down at her screen, pulling up the same notification that had been blinking up at her all day, constantly drawing her attention back to her phone, to her computer, to the memory of it. She’d gotten very little work done, pulled into focus only for a car chase that was over much too soon.

“Whatcha looking at?” Alex asked, leaning over and wrapping her arms around Maggie from behind. She kissed her cheek and brought her hands up to Maggie’s shoulders. “You feel tense.”

“I’m sure you could help with that,” Maggie flirted, closing her laptop and standing up from the desk. “Why don’t we head into the bedroom and find some way to relax together…”

“Mm, you know I’ll still want to know what happened today to make you this stressed, right?” Alex murmured, even as she dropped her lips to Maggie’s neck, kissing and sucking at the sensitive skin there. She smiled as she felt Maggie shudder, felt her breath catch as she let out a small gasp when Alex’s teeth found her pulse point.

“But bed now?” Maggie managed, unwilling to deal with this conversation at the moment and very much in need of a distraction to drive it from her thoughts.

“I suppose…” Alex trailed off, a teasing smile playing at her lips. With a bend of her knees and a swift movement, Alex scooped Maggie up into her arms and carried her over to the bedroom. Maggie’s squeak of surprise quickly morphed into a needy whimper as Alex slid a warm hand up Maggie’s shirt and flexed her abs, urging Maggie to grind against her. Rather than taking Maggie straight to the bed, Alex turned and brought them over to the wall, pushing Maggie up against it and groaning as Maggie hooked her legs around Alex’s waist, drawing her closer as she claimed her lips in a searing kiss that left them both gasping for air.

Feeling Maggie shifting in her arms, desperately trying to find friction, and hearing the steady stream of needy whimpers just barely stifled when she dragged her teeth across Maggie’s lower lip, Alex pulled back. Before she could ask what Maggie wanted, the other woman was gasping out an order: “Bed. Now.”

With a look of pure want, Alex pivoted and crossed the room in two long strides, tossing Maggie down into the pillows and quickly joining her, bracketing her with arms as she leaned over and flicked her tongue across Maggie’s lower lip, begging for entrance.

Eventually Alex grew impatient and tugged at Maggie’s jeans. “Off?”

Maggie nodded, helping to expedite the process by shimmying them over her hips and down her legs, biting her lip as Alex cast a hungry gaze down at her. Alex hooked her fingers beneath the waistband of Maggie’s boyshorts and slipped them off and down her legs. She dropped to her stomach and trailed teasing kisses and gentle bites up and down Maggie’s inner thighs until Maggie’s fingers tangled in her hair and urged her toward her dripping center.

Deciding there had already been enough teasing, Alex dipped her head down and flicked her tongue between Maggie’s folds, groaning at just how wet she already was. “You taste so good,” she murmured.

Maggie’s grip tightened in Alex’s hair at her words. It had taken a while to get Alex comfortable with really speaking up in bed, but god, when she did…

Maggie let her head drop to the pillow and her eyes flutter closed as Alex worked her up, pushing her higher and higher—but with her eyes closed, all she could picture was the blinking red notifications, the reminders of a past that apparently refused to stay in the past. Shaking her head, she tried to focus in on the moment, to be here with Alex, her very sexy girlfriend who was doing amazing things with her tongue that were apparently not going to have any effect until she dealt with her stress. With a loud sigh, Maggie dragged herself up onto her elbows. “Why do you think Eliza Wilkie sent me a message request on Facebook?”

Alex pulled back, her mouth sticky and an eyebrow arched. “I’m going to assume sex is over?”

“Sorry! I just…I don’t think anything is going to work until I know.”

“Well…did you open the message?”

Maggie shook her head.

“Do you think maybe you should try accepting it to see?”

“Just—I mean, why? Why, after more than 15 years does she suddenly care?”

“Do you really think she didn’t care all those years?” Alex asked, pulling herself up the bed to settle in next to Maggie.

“She’s the reason—the reason for, you know,” Maggie trailed off, finally giving up with a shrug of her shoulders. She had never been one to dwell on all the ways that things could have turned out differently—it wouldn’t change anything; it could only ever upset her—but Eliza’s message had sent her spiraling back into her own past, to all those what ifs she’d tried to suppress for so long now.

“But does she know? Did she know? I’m not defending her—god knows I’d love a chance to go back to Blue Springs and ruin the lives of everyone who made yours a living hell. But I can’t help but think…I don’t know, what would it mean if I reached out to Vicky after all these years? It’s not the same! Not at all. We hurt each other, but not in that same immediate kind of way. But I just, I guess that I’d hope that even after all these years, she’d at least listen to what I had to say, even if she didn’t want to forgive me or try to go back to what we had or anything like that.”

“I—I want to know. I want—I don’t know exactly what I want. I want her to be sorry. I want her to realize that even if she didn’t mean for my parents to find out, for the whole fucking town to find out, that’s what happened. And I had to go through it all alone. She didn’t have to say yes; she didn’t have to like me back; but it would’ve been nice if she—if she didn’t just leave me,” Maggie finished, her voice cracking as she rubbed roughly at her eyes.

“Oh, Maggie, I know,” Alex whispered, wrapping her arms around Maggie and holding her close. “And you don’t have to open her message. You don’t have to respond. But I think, well, if tonight was any indication, I think you need to figure out what you want to do about it, even if it means deleting it.”

“You mean you don’t want to talk about it during sex again?” Maggie joked, trying for lighthearted.

“You know, it wasn’t my favorite form of dirty talk.”

An almost full carton of vegan ice cream and a glass of wine later, Maggie sat in bed with her laptop, Facebook open, mouse hovering above the message icon. She knew Alex was right; she wouldn’t rest until she’d made up her mind about what she was going to do with Eliza’s message. And deep down she knew that if she deleted it, she’d always wonder, always want to know if maybe something had changed over the years, if maybe some part of her felt guilty for the way she’d treated Maggie, the girl who was supposed to be her best friend, all those years ago.

With one swift motion, Maggie clicked and squeezed her eyes shut, finally forcing them to open as she let out a shuddering exhale.

Hey Mags (or maybe it should be Maggie? I probably don’t deserve to call you Mags anymore…),

This message is so, so many years overdue. I didn’t—I tried. I started this message a lot. I tried it as a letter a few times, but I didn’t know where to send it. So I thought about Facebook. Sorry, these sound like excuses. There aren’t any excuses. None that make up for what happened, for how I let you disappear from my life without putting up a fight. I guess I should start with the two words I’ve wanted to say to you for the past 15 or so years: I’m sorry. They don’t erase anything that happened, I know, but I just…they’re true.

I don’t know that you want to relive any of what happened, so maybe skip this part…I don’t know. If you don’t want to read it, maybe just skip to the bottom?

I got your card, and it was sweet, but I was scared. I didn’t know how to feel about it, and at 14 everything that you don’t understand just feels like the biggest deal, like…like everything could come crashing down around you at any point in time. And so I did what I always did—I went to my big sister. She was cool, you know, at least that’s what I thought. She was 18 and knew about things like boys and makeup and didn’t rat us out that time she found us with dad’s cigarettes. And I figured if anyone would know about these things, it was her.

But I guess…well, she wasn’t okay or cool or chill when it came to gay people, and she took the card straight to my parents—never told me what she was doing. And then they called your parents and came down to the basement and told me I was never seeing you again. And they were, god, I just—I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you. Because my dad thought I was perfectly innocent and even then I got yelled at for hours, sent to a priest and taken to extra services down at St. Mary’s. And you—well, you disappeared.

Eventually word spread about what had happened. Part of me didn’t believe it. I knew that our parents were angry, but I never really thought—well, I never thought it would be like that. I thought they’d get over it. That you’d show up to school a week or two later like that time you were gone for almost a week after your dad caught you sneaking out of the garage with his whiskey. So I didn’t try to call. And then weeks stretched into months, and still you weren’t there. But at that point…well, I’m ashamed to admit it, but I’d forced myself to get over it. I heard what everyone was saying about you—the kids, the parents. The few people that tried to say you were just a kid and didn’t know better—god, the town was ready to tar and feather them too. And I didn’t think I was strong enough. You’d been forced to be strong enough, but you were always the brave one out of the two of us. I just…I sat back and acted like you hadn’t been my best friend, like I hadn’t loved you more than anyone else in that bumblefuck town.

My dad threw out all of our pictures and stuff, but I kept that bucket list we made in the back of my copybook huddled together during Mrs. Sanders’ English class. It had all the places we wanted to go—the things we wanted to see. I saw on Facebook that you got out and ended up in California. It always was the first place on your half of the list. Did you drive there and eat Red Vines and blast Destiny’s Child the whole way there like you’d planned? I hope you did. You deserve it—you deserve to accomplish every dream that seemed like a lifetime away on that list.

Anyway, I’m going to be in California just half an hour or so away from National City for a conference this week, and I thought—I don’t know, it’s probably stupid. But I’d like to see you, Mags. I don’t have a right to ask or to think that you might say yes, but it’d be really nice to apologize in person, to see the amazing woman you grew up to become even if…even though I wasn’t the best friend you thought I could be for you.

I’m on Facebook or you can call me at 402-767-1349. I hope you’re doing well, Maggie.

Eliza

—

Alex found Maggie in the bedroom tears streaking down her cheeks as she read and reread the message. “Do you need anything?”

Sniffling, Maggie shook her head, looking up at Alex through watery eyes. “No, no, you’re good.” With a shaky breath, Maggie shut her laptop and gently placed it on the bedside table. “If it’s okay with you, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Of course. Anything you need.”

Maggie nodded and held up the covers for Alex to join her, dropping her head to Alex’s shoulder as she curled into her side, letting herself be held and comforted like she could have used all those years ago.

—

Eliza tapped her foot nervously against the bricks, pressing her back into the wrought iron chair and letting the cool firmness, the slight twinge of discomfort, ground her. She checked her phone again, checking that it was still early, that she hadn’t gotten any messages. It was still just the single one: “Coffee. 3pm on Saturday at Noonan’s?” She’d quickly agreed, but the only confirmation she got in return was the small checkmark indicating her message had been read. She wondered if Maggie would show up. She certainly wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t. She hadn’t really expected a response. All the times she’d ever drafted something before, she’d deleted them, too scared of the indictment she deserved, too nervous that somehow she’d end up fucking up Maggie’s life yet again.

As she looked down at her phone once again, she saw a pair of boots step in front of her, followed by the sound of a throat being cleared. She snapped her head up, finding Maggie Sawyer—her best friend, if a little taller and with a much better fashion sense—standing in front of her. “Maggie! Um, hey.”

“Hey,” Maggie greeted with a small wave, stepping back awkwardly as Eliza rose to her feet.

“I, um, I got you coffee—or well, I got you your usual. I don’t know if it’s your usual anymore. I just, um, I know it used to be your favorite. But I guess, I mean, people change. I don’t know. Here,” she finally said, thrusting the cup to Maggie.

Maggie glanced down at the sleeve, finding the markings for a vanilla soy chai tea latte. “Thanks.”

“Is it, um, is it okay? I can get you something else?”

“It’s good.” She sipped at it as if to demonstrate that she was okay with it.

“Okay, cool,” Eliza nodded, drumming her fingers against the side of her leg before grabbing the other cup on the table and busying herself with picking at the sleeve.

“Do you want to walk?”

“Oh, uh, yeah, sure.”

Eliza followed as Maggie led them down a few blocks until they got to a park with a small path that wound around the perimeter. As they fell into step with one another—Eliza tried not to dwell on how they used to spend days down by the track trying to match each other perfectly or be the exact opposite; it was how they always won the three-legged races—Eliza spoke up. I guess, well, maybe not, but, um, you saw my Facebook message?”

“I did,” Maggie confirmed, her gaze trained straight ahead.

“Right, well, I just wanted to say—I wanted to say how sorry I am. I didn’t mean for any of it to happen, but I know, I know it’s my fault. We were best friends; I should have asked you.”

“You said it yourself; you were confused.” Maggie shrugged her shoulders, biting at her lip as she tried to look nonchalant.

“Yeah—I was. But I never meant—I didn’t mean for it to end up like that. But that’s not an excuse.” When Maggie didn’t say anything, Eliza forced herself to keep talking. “I should have tried harder to find you after.”

“Would’ve been pretty hard to find me—wasn’t exactly down the street anymore.”

Eliza winced. “I know, I know. I biked past your house a few times—after, you know. Your light was never on.”

Maggie nodded, gritting her teeth as she tried not to let her emotions get the best of her.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that alone, Maggie. I’m so sorry I wasn’t the friend you needed, the friend you thought you had.”

“Thank you,” Maggie finally managed.

With those two words, Eliza let herself break just a little. And when Maggie pulled up short, pulling her into a hug that was certainly nothing like the bone-crushing ones they’d once shared but was more than she’d ever imagined she would have again, she felt a sob heave its way through her chest, and when she felt warm, wet drops on her shoulder, felt the shudder that racked Maggie’s small frame, she pulled her closer, willing the embrace to somehow make up for years of lost time.

“On your left!” came the cry of an older woman on a bright blue bicycle—her basket filled with groceries and a small bouquet of wildflowers.

With a watery chuckle, Maggie motioned to the bench a few feet up the path. “Maybe we should sit?”

Once they had settled in on the bench, Eliza began, “So,” just as Maggie asked, “Why—?”

“Sorry, you go,” Eliza gestured.

“I was just going to ask how the conference was going.”

“Oh, um, yeah…it’s okay,” Eliza answered with a small chuckle. “It’s not the most fun I’ve ever had in my life, but it’s a beautiful state.”

“Yeah, I won’t complain.”

“Have you been here long?”

“No, I was in Gotham for a while until I made it out here about two years ago.”

“Following the superheroes?” Eliza teased, hoping it was okay to do so.

“Something like that.”

“Have you met the Girl of Steel?”

Maggie laughed, thinking of how Kara had spent the night at their apartment, lounging around in a novelty Supergirl snuggie Winn had gotten her for the DEO’s holiday Pollyanna while shoving inhuman amounts of pizza into her mouth. “I have—work and all.”

“That’s so cool,” Eliza gushed. “Now, I know that meeting Superman was on your bucket list, but does this count?”

“How do you have such a good memory of that list?” Maggie asked. Sure, she remembered a fair amount about freshman year of high school, but she thought she had a pretty good reason for it.

Eliza blushed a faint pink as she reached into her bag and dug out her wallet. Maggie looked on quizzically as she dug through and pulled out a graying, square. Eliza deftly unfolded it, carefully smoothing out the creases as she handed it over.

“You kept this? After all those years?”

“I’d been a shitty enough friend to abandon you once. I couldn’t do it twice.” Eliza chewed on the inside of her cheek as she looked for a reaction, wondering if she’d gone too far. But then Maggie’s gaze dropped back to the paper as she skimmed the list, her mouth finally breaking into a smile that lit up her features.

“So, did you ever get to see Britney Spears in concert?” Maggie asked, barely covering the laugh in her voice.

“Tragically I did not.”

“Shame…I did make my roadtrip to California, so I’m winning 1-0 now.”

“But the important part is obviously the snack list. Did you get your Red Vines?”

“Yep, and a whole tub of Oreos—all the surprisingly vegan snack staples.” She shook her head as she made her way further down the list. “Now, did you ever make it out to Broadway?”

“That I did, thank you very much.”

“Important follow up: did you act on Broadway?”

“That dream was abandoned. Alas, I ended up a mere high school teacher, though I supervise the drama club, so it’s basically the same thing.”

“Basically.”

Eliza let out a snort of amusement. “Now what about you? Did you play professional women’s soccer?”

“I slept with a professional women’s soccer forward. Does that count?”

“I mean, this list was all about our biggest dreams. I can only imagine that idea might have been a recurrent dream…or at least a fantasy,” Eliza teased, watching as the last layer of defensiveness in Maggie’s posture seemed to fall away.

“It was pretty great,” Maggie agreed. “Your turn. Did you ever…let’s see… Oh! Did you marry Justin Timberlake and spend your honeymoon in the Bahamas?”

With a dramatic sigh, Eliza shook her head. “No, JT and I just couldn’t make it work. Though I did spend my honeymoon down in Turks and Caicos, so I think maybe I get some points.”

“Well congratulations on the wedding! Who is the lucky guy? Anyone from back home?”

Eliza swallowed harshly, shaking her head. “No, uh, definitely not from back home.”

“Eh, you could do better than any of those jackasses anyway.”

“Yeah, um, I think I did.”

“So meet in college?”

“Yeah, senior year. She was one of the grad students in the department.”

“Wait, what?” Maggie asked.

“Her name is Gabriella.”

“You’re gay?”

“Funny how that worked out, huh?” Eliza tried for light, though her voice was strained as she waited for some reaction—anger, perhaps, or disgust with how long she’d spent denying it, spent playing straight, being accepted and getting to stay in Blue Springs with a family that loved her and friends that didn’t look at her with revulsion and fear.

“Wait—what? Why didn’t you open with that?” Maggie asked with a slightly incredulous bark of a laugh.

“I didn’t want you to think you had to forgive me or talk to me just because I ended up being gay too. I didn’t—I didn’t necessarily deserve that.”

“I,” Maggie paused, letting Eliza’s point sink in, “I appreciate that.”

“Yeah.” Eliza shrugged, waiting for Maggie to make the next move.

“So when’d you end up coming out?”

“Uh, senior year of college. It, um, took me a little bit to, uh, admit to certain things.”

“Hey, everyone comes out in their own time in their own way. There’s no shame in that. Not exactly like a lot of people make it feel particularly safe.”

“Yeah…I don’t know. I was taking a creative writing class. Gabriella was actually the TA, though she was only two years older. We had some prompt about a memory of a person who’d meant something to us, and I, well, I wrote about you. Got an A,” she added with a chuckle. “But, uh, during office hours—and god, I should have known I was gay when I was always the first in line for Gabriella’s office hours instead of wanting to meet with the actual professor who was assigning the grades—but she said something. She asked me if it was a memory of a first love.” She heard the catch in Maggie’s breathing but ignored it, looking down at her now empty coffee cup and picking at the lid. “I, well, I kind of panicked and mumbled something about needing to get to work. It wasn’t totally a lie… Anyway, I spent a couple of weeks avoiding her, but I couldn’t help thinking—maybe other people didn’t think about their friends the way I did. Maybe it wasn’t normal to want to hold your best friend’s hand and snuggle with her and spend all of your time together. Maybe my appreciation for beautiful women wasn’t just wanting to look like them or have their outfit or hair or whatever. I walked back and forth past the LGBTQ Center so many times, just trying to gather my courage to go in. Well, one day Gabriella was in there and happened to see me. So she came out and asked if maybe I wanted to get coffee with her—just to talk. She said she thought I could use a friend right now.”

“I’m glad you had someone.”

“I’m sorry you didn’t.”

“It’s—it’s in the past. It doesn’t do much good to dwell on things we can’t change.”

“Right, well, we got coffee, and I ended up blurting out that I thought she was really pretty and asked if that was normal.” Maggie snorted and tried to cover it up, only to find Eliza laughing right along with her. “No, you’re right. It was humiliating. She sort of sat me down and told me she could be there for me as a friend, but only as a friend—TA and all. Anyway, eventually I came out. Actually came out in my final writing piece for the semester.”

“Another A?”

“But of course,” Eliza joked. “So, a few months later—right around spring break time—I ran into her at the LGBTQ Center again. And she asked if I wanted to grab coffee. And, well, coffee one day turned into drinks the next, turned into dinner, turned into spending whole days curled up reading together while everyone else went home for break. And eventually I think I managed to convince her that it was worth a shot and that since she wasn’t my TA, she should have no ethical qualms about it.”

“That’s awesome, I’m so happy you found someone like her.”

“Yeah, she’s pretty amazing,” Eliza agreed, a dreamy expression on her face. “What about you? Still sleeping with all the professional athletes?”

“No, no,” Maggie shook her head. “I’ve settled down—engaged, actually.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah. She’s—god, she’s just incredible. She’s smart and beautiful and passionate and a total badass.”

“Well it sounds like you met your match, Ms. Sawyer.”

“Aww, now you sound like Mrs. Sanders.”

“Did I not mention that I teach high school English these days?”

“Oh god, you’ve become her!” Maggie shrieked, teasingly pushing at Eliza’s shoulder.

“Whatever, she was cute.”

“In retrospect…yeah, she kinda was,” Maggie agreed with a chuckle. “So, still go back to Blue Springs pretty regularly?”

“Oh, uh, not really. My parents got divorced, and my mom moved out to Michigan, so I mainly just visit her.”

“Don’t spend much time with your dad?”

“Ah, yeah, no. As it turns out, his reaction to everything was pretty indicative of just how he felt… We haven’t talked since graduation when he met Gabriella.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“No, no, don’t worry. I mean, I still see my mom, and Gabriella’s family is amazing.”

“Yeah, Alex and I have our own little makeshift family here too—they’re a bit on the weird side but—”

“You’re a bit on the weird side,” Eliza interjected, shooting Maggie a knowing look.

“Yes, well, if you’d let me finish, I was going to say, but I wouldn’t have them any other way.”

[eyecandyfilmjournal]

Cancelled Shows We Want Netflix to Save

In ‘reboot’ culture, nothing is off the table. Here are the shows our contributors most want to see back in action:

So, Kim Possible was cancelled after it’s third season and then brought back on for one more season to defy the Disney ‘65 episode’ rule… I don’t know if that counts as a ‘complete’ cancellation, but I would love to see Netflix pick this back up because, one, a continuation of this show is much needed due to the clever dualism of crime-fighting Kim and everyday high school Kim (it was the original and much more interesting Hannah Montana) and, two, I need somewhere to binge watch the first four seasons. Besides, this show holds a special place in my heart; when I was a youngster I was convinced that my mom was the inspiration for the show, being a redhead named Kim. -Cole Nelson

Netflix is a savior and already picked up the best show that got cancelled for no good reason, DEGRASSI. Although they changed the title from Degrassi: The Next Generation to Degrassi: Next Class, made the theme song kinda worse, and won’t stop using hashtags for episode titles, the show can still live on and talk about really important issues in high school like troubles with gender, sexuality, religion, race and mental illness. Netflix saved a show that has been talking about the issues of teens for over two decades, which is pretty impressive. Also the show is so overdramatic and I love it. So thanks Netflix. -Emily Millard Murphy

Although Netflix is giving it a two hour finale, Sense8 was sadly cancelled earlier this year. The series was created by the Wachowskis (The Matrix series), two of the very few, if any, transgender directors of our time. This show was full of amazing action sequences, filmed all  over the world, and masterfully used music in sync with the events going on screen. Along with having wonderful filmmaking, Sense8 was about the human connection, no matter how different we are from one another. This series was a masterful work of art, and deserves more than a measly two hours of wrapping up. -Meghan Hebbard

Maybe you’ve never heard of Clone High, but you’ve probably heard of its creators. Phil Lord and Chris Miller are a pair of comedy writers known for their work on 21 Jump Street, 22 Jump Street, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, and The Lego Movie (a personal favorite of mine). But before all that, there was Clone High, a quirky little PG-13 cartoon from 2002 that was the duo’s first major project. The series follows teenage clones of historical figures - at the forefront are Abe Lincoln, Joan of Arc, Gandhi, John F. Kennedy, and Cleopatra - all attending a contemporary high school together. There’s a reason for this, but it more or less only functions as an excuse for these eclectic characters to interact with each other. Clone High is consistently hilarious, and its surreal takes on the adolescent experience hit surprisingly close to home. Sadly, the show never really found an audience, and was cancelled after a single 13-episode season, ending on an incredibly frustrating cliffhanger. In the years since, it’s found quite the cult following, and Lord and Miller have expressed interest in revisiting it... maybe, if the stars align, Netflix could swoop in, save the day, and give Clone High the audience it always deserved. For the time being, the original series is all up on YouTube. Please watch it. It’s good. -Cole Kronman

This question is difficult for me, because I trust Netflix about as far as I can throw it, which isn’t far because it’s a website and I am not very strong. That being said, the incredible Freaks and Geeks could use another season. I personally wouldn’t want them to reboot the show, but to present the lives of my beloved burnouts and av-club dorks as the middle aged people they would’ve become. Twenty years have passed since the show was cancelled; why not set the reboot twenty years after the ending of the show? If Netflix was to get Paul Feig back to write an examination of those now-grown-up outcasts at the dawn of the millenia, I’d be a little more on board with how they’re destroying live television. -Asher “The Stone” Guthertz