#i love this one take vocal playthrough so much

[sam-reid]

Azrael Guiding me beyond the veil Obitual Free me from this mortal shell

TO THE HELLFIRE - LORNA SHORE

[marshvlovestv]

In honor of me having so much video game music downloaded on my phone that I ran out of storage and had to buy a new phone. My favorite track from each video game OST I have!

Bastion: Brusher Patrol (Such a bizarre clash of styles, I can't help but love this one. Shout-out to the part that sounds like Darren quietly scatting in the background.) (Also special shout-out to Build That Wall, probably my favorite vocal track in any Supergiant game)

Celeste: Scattered and Lost (I am such a normie for this choice but face it this track absolutely slaps.)

Chicory: A Colorful Tale: Song of the Wielders (I love how this song has actual lyrics but I still prefer to sing along with the Simlish version that Pizza and Chicory sing.)

The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood: Illusion (First of all I love how every character in this game has their own theme I go feral for that kind of thing. Kurielle is probably one of the characters who stood out to me the least but by god is her theme gorgeous. I love the vocals and how a later track includes a sneaky reprise.)

Cuphead: Dramatic Fanatic (Tap dancing :D)

There are literally thirty of these so I'm doing a read more

Death's Door: The Grey Crow (A heartbreaking boss fight scored with the appropriate amount of anguish)

Deltarune: Cyber Battle (This melody is so underrated and ya know what, so are the characters associated with it. Sweet Cap'n Cakes forever.)

Elsinore: Donne, The Boat Boy (I love this song because it's associated with Lady Guildenstern, aka the best character in gaming full stop, but it's also just a fun little sea shanty that I think they made up for this game so I love that. Also has a lyrical version.)

Evergate: Police (Okay so the level with the police drones is one of the more frustrating ones in the game but the music is hauntingly beautiful so I give it a pass)

Going Under: trust fall (Marv is easily one of the most hateable video game antagonists of all time but damn if his boss theme doesn't slap)

Hades: Last Words (The rolling and the tolling of the bells bells bells bells bells)

Harmony: The Fall of Reverie: Reverie Ascendant (Lena Raine does these medley tracks so good man)

Hollow Knight: Dung Defender (By far the catchiest song about poop on my entire phone)

Ikenfell: Rose Thorns (So the insanely long final boss fight against Oxley overshadowed Aeldra's boss fight in my memory for a long time, but when I watched another playthrough and bought the OST I realized "Oh her theme bops SO much harder than his ever could")

Inscryption: A Final Duel (A hardcore remix of The Scrybe of Magicks, aka one of the only melodic tracks on the album and therefore the one every YouTube video about Inscryption uses in the background. I prefer the epic version just a bit more because honestly that Magnificus setpiece is the best moment in the game)

Jimmy and the Pulsating Mass: Fun, Sunny Day (A fun and silly track as the title suggests, elevated even more by the context in which it plays in the game. The area music alternates between this and the more somber Rainy Sunday to illustrate that Jimmy mother is bipolar [very cute and silly game])

Omori: Bready Steady Go (Like the absolute dipshit I am I actually completely missed the optional Orange Oasis when I played this game myself. Every Let's Player finds it somehow, though, and when they fight the Unbread Twins I invariably stand up and dance along to the boss music.)

One Step from Eden: Perpetual Motion (It's just a good-ass track y'all)

Ori and the Blind Forest: Conundrum (In a soundtrack of sweeping orchestral pieces, this more subdued version of theme that only plays during one small puzzle section might seem a weird choice. But I've always really liked it)

Ori and the Will of the Wisps: Kwolok's Malaise (Kwolok's leitmotif is perfect for a giant frog and the boss remix takes it to it's logical conclusion)

Paradise Killer: Go! Go! Style (This track makes me feel like I'm having a sugar rush. The whole OST does actually but this one especially)

Pyre: Path to Glory (It's just got a really unique vibe to it. I like it)

Scarlet Hollow: Avery (Chill and really beautiful. Avery themself is kind of a sleeper character at this point but I can't wait for Brandon to remix their theme when they get assimilated into a giant plant monster)

Slay the Princess: The Princess (Okay full disclosure I've only played this game once so I don't have the full context for a lot of the tracks on this OST. Maybe hearing them alongside their respective princesses will make me like them more, but for now the title theme is too iconic to beat.)

Sounds of Sympathy (the OST for the game anthology Essays on Empathy): Zen and the Art of Transhumanism (In the Essays on Empathy documentary, fingerspit talked about how she prefers writing obscenely long tracks so the loop doesn't get annoying. Unfortunately for her my favorite track on this album is only three minutes long. It's a lovely little bop.)

Spiritfarer: Mind Palace (I played Spiritfarer before any of the character updates were released, so I didn't get Daria's mind palace sequences in my game. And I mean, they look very platforming-heavy so I'm okay with that, but god this is a gorgeous piece.)

Transistor: Impossible (I think this is Royce Bracket's boss theme? I don't know when any of the tracks on this OST specifically play in game. Regardless of all that this one gets me pumped.)

Unavowed: One Man's Power (I couldn't find a video of this one, but it's gentle saxophone solo that plays when Logan Brown is introduced. I think it fits is character really well and just sounds really nice)

Undertale: Death by Glamour (Best song for best character, enough said)

Wandersong: Moonscape (God knows this game gave me a lot of great options to pick from, but I settled on this one because it's so uplifting.)

[redjennies]

i see you sometimes in different dragon age tags like "oh yeah the lae'zel fan with the redjenny url. who also likes oghren. extreme good taste" and then as an anders girlie i see your "anti"-anders post and im like "yeah they even have good taste in the way they hate my guy"

aw I really appreciate this! I'm really glad people like my takes on Oghren. I almost posted this long ass meta about him while doing my Brosca playthrough but ended up saving it to the drafts because I was like "girl you are the only person going to bat for this man and everyone else is just tolerating your right to be ornery about disliked characters." I just think about him at the Temple of Sacred Ashes a lot. to anyone reading this, if you've never brought him there, you are truly missing out on some fucking wild character work. he is a gem.

truthfully I'm not even really that anti-Anders when I'm not actively in a mood about how much this fandom annoys me. I'm extremely critical of him as a person and full disclosure, without trauma-dumping too much, I do have a personal history that makes it hard for me to not see him as very manipulative if not outright abusive. but I actually quite enjoy him as a character. I think he's got a lot of flaws and strengths that are really interesting to examine how they coincide with Hawke's larger story. how Anders and Hawke are arguably more intrinsically linked to each other than Varric and Hawke are. it might surprise people but I intentionally max out his friendship every time with my main Hawke because I think their particular story is more tragic if she has fully drunk the Anders kool-aid because he's the first unapologetic apostate she's met outside of her family and because he saved Carver in the Deep Roads and she feels like she owes him. even more of a surprise possibly, I love Sebastian and don't like Anders, but my canon ending is Hawke sparing him one last time and asking him to leave because I think that's the best ending for how I play their relationship. like "no, you have asked so much of me and I have done it for you over and over but I'm not going to give you this, even at the expense of my other friendships. you don't get the easy way out. you have to live with this and you have to do it far away from me." like fuck man! the drama! the poetry! the divorce!

honestly most of my vitriol towards him comes from over a decade now of having an extremely negative experience with what I fully recognize are not all his fans but a vocal group of people who plague the Bioware fandom who are just as bigoted as your average fanboy but in a way they can dress up as "social justice." I've said a lot about how I think the Circle and apostates is just straight up a bad metaphor for systemic oppression (see also: any setting with supers and/or legitimately dangerous monsters as stand-in for oppressed people.) and I won't get into it too much here, but it's worth mentioning because I believe the mage rights discourse and Anders particularly attracts this crowd because you know he's a cute queer whiteboy with legitimate problems and pseudo-radical politics. but I was in the DA Tumblr fandom when Inquisition dropped I remember what group of fans on Tumblr who were particularly rabid in their hatred towards characters like Vivienne and Sera (who are both critical of mage freedom, mind.) 'Twas not primarily the Cullenites calling Vivienne an Uncle Tom, no matter what people will tell you now.

and I also get that there's this way Anders haters talk about him that makes even more otherwise reasonable fans dig their heels in about him. like any critique of him that boils down to "Anders bad because he did a terrorism and terrorism bad" is not really useful to me because yeah, I'm not super keen on bombings as the best course of political action, but terrorism is a very politically loaded and at this point somewhat meaningless term that is mostly used to justify extreme violence against a person or group by the state. I don't need to bring up real life examples because the politics of who is and isn't labeled a terrorist being shorthand for who is and isn't a person deserving of basic human rights has become so obvious over the last three decades that everyone knows at least one example of what I'm talking about. on top of that, I'm a big believer that fiction does not and should not exist in a vacuum and good art should provoke discussions about how we view people who do similar things that these fictional characters do. who are we being asked to give empathy to and who are we not? who are we naturally extending empathy to and who are we not? how do we immediately feel about these things? are we outraged? disgusted? moved? does sympathizing with these characters change our understanding of our personal ethical lines? are certain actions justified under dire circumstances or are there certain lines that should never be crossed? are people forever defined by it when they cross said lines? etc etc. none of these questions can be meaningfully answered by "no, thing bad because thing bad."

that being said, I still come down on the side of Anders is a shitty person at the end of the day. not because he blew up that church or even because he tried to kill that girl, but because there's a consistent lack of compassion for the suffering and/or oppression of others the second someone doesn't fit his mold. because he's honestly pretty sexist and racist in universe. because his romance plot is just a series of progressively worsening red flags in a way that's in my opinion, less sexy and more like he's gonna start punching holes in the wall right next to you. because he's lowkey a tankie. and I've said it before and I'll say it til the day I die, we can have a discussion about how ableism influenced his writing, but at the end of the day, as a mentally ill anarchist, I know buckets and buckets of mentally ill leftist whiteboys who act like this. shit I know women and nonbinary people who act like this too. while I can understand that Bioware wasn't necessarily coming from the same perspective I am and think people are right to call his overarching storyline a tired centrist liberal take on the dangers of radicalism, his character writing still feels not only coherent as a character but very true to a particular type of ain't shit anarchist boy I have encountered over and over. i cannot dismiss his flaws and worst moments as bad writing because I feel like I personally know this asshole.

for example, I once made a post about Dissent years and years ago where I was talking about Anders/Justice/Vengeance/whoever we're calling him depending on what's most useful in the moment's outburst of violence towards Ella through the lens of male entitlement even in leftist circles and like yeah I was being a little tongue in cheek about it because a) I'm pretty tongue in cheek in general, b) I have a tendency to get even more tongue in cheek when I'm talking about things that hit a little too close to home to me, and c) that quest is frankly terrifying if you've lived a life that makes you relate more to Ella in that scene than to Anders. I think it was something along the lines of "people can call Anders a revolutionary all they want but when a mage girl was afraid of him instead of grateful for his rescue, he tried to kill her. [insert anarcho-feminist ranting here]" and I remember someone arguing with me about how that's not what happened at all and how even though I was being pithy, their take on the situation was so utterly removed from what occurs that I had to go back and watch the scene to make sure I wasn't the one completely misremembering it which made me realize just how much Anders has been completely rewritten in parts of the fandom consciousness.

which in and of itself is not really a problem. I know some people just don't care for interacting with fanon at all and want to stay as true to canon as possible and I'm like that sometimes, but there are lots of characters I'm like "oh, I don't like how their story went in canon or think the writer had a neat idea but is too misogynistic to handle her in a way I like and I'm going to basically put them in an AU where they developed their traits in a different way and I can recognize this is more or less my version of them." there's characters I don't care for in canon but I love someone else's fanon version of them. I'm even fine with people doing this with Anders, if they want. I've read really good fic with him that is not my take but hey you do you, this is what transformative fandom is for after all. but I do get more than a little prickly when I'm interacting with my reading of canon that is of course informed by my experiences but still discussing something that just literally happens and someone tells me I'm wrong because of what basically amounts to their fanfics, you know?

anyway that's my very long post about my complicated and extremely nuanced Anders feelings. great character, shitty person, his fans are either really cool or really fucking not. also it's been almost fifteen years, and I still think we should've had Jowan in DA2 as a familiar face helping out in the mage underground to both flesh them out more and to serve as a middle ground between the more circle-aligned Orsino and the initially representing the mage underground before getting progressively more Kaczynski-esque, Anders, instead of Cullen just kind of hanging out in the templars not really doing anything.

[gwydionae]

King's Quest Fan Remakes

After talking about them a bit recently, I felt compelled to play through the old KQ fan remakes (1-3 from AGDI and 3 from IA), and I wanted to share my more in depth thoughts for anyone interested in these love letters to the original games.

King's Quest I: Quest for the Crown Remake from AGD Interactive

A lovely update to the original! While clearly the least polished of AGDI's offerings, it's nice to be able to play KQ1 with KQ5-style graphics and voice acting (the original voice of Graham, Josh Mandel, voices him in all four of the games in this post, ftr). There is an option to turn off any chance of softlocking yourself before you even start the game, which is a welcome feature. Puzzle-wise, this one stays the most faithful to the original out of the three from AGDI with a few updates here and there (like that stupid name puzzle! lol). The vocal performances and sound effects can be a bit fuzzy, but I found them enjoyable nonetheless.

Overall a solid fan remake with limited extra bells and whistles!

King's Quest II: Romancing the Stones from AGDI

Easily the most ambitious of the three from AGDI. Pretty much all of the core elements from KQ1 are further polished here - artwork, acting, music, and sound effects. The story and puzzles, however, have been changed enough that the end product is sizably different from the original. In some cases, this is fun and interesting (more lore and character interactions! new and unique puzzles!), but not everyone will enjoy all the changes. I, for example, find the underwater section kind of fun, but the new content around the count... not so much (for reasons I'll avoid due to spoilers, but know they're more mechanical than anything). There's less freedom in when you can do things, the added story making the game far more linear than it originally was. But then I'm sure many would agree that if any KQ game could do with extra content, it'd be 2, so I can't fault them swinging for the fences, even if not every hit was a home run.

All in all, this version of KQ2 doesn't really work if you're simply looking to experience the original game with updated graphics, but it's a fun playthrough nonetheless, and newcomers might enjoy the added lore/story bits. Just be aware that I could probably sum up the original game's story in about two sentences while this one would take far longer. XD

King's Quest III: To Heir is Human Redux from AGDI

If KQ1 wasn't fully polished and KQ2 was a little overworked, then KQ3 is juuuuuust right! (For anyone who knows the game, yes, this is a purposeful pun. XD) The graphics, sounds, music, vocal performances - all are the best yet (though still with some minor hiccups as any fan game is wont to have - the music was sadly cutting out during the climactic sequence for me). It even has a neat little feature where the timer changes color depending on how close you are to being zapped into oblivion that is not only useful but adds a sense of urgency in it's own way (especially if you forgot the item that makes travel a lot easier for like 2 meals I mean what lol). While it does carry over some of the story threads from AGDI's second entry, this game still works well enough on it's own, with the majority of the new content being added in naturally rather than supplanting whole sections of the original. In fact, personally speaking, I think the added content only enhances the game, your encounters with Medusa and the yeti especially getting a nice boost. And the extra lore only helps you feel for the protagonists plight all the more. The ending is a bit drawn out, perhaps, and I may not agree with the order you're supposed to choose the four items in to get the treasure (insert rant here XD), but those are minor nitpicks at best.

This is easily the best of the three, AGDI having perfected their KQ formula at this point. It works as a remake of the original while still adding in a bit of new content that doesn't feel unwelcome. I would highly recommend it to anyone interested in giving the King's Quest series a try.

King's Quest III: To Heir is Human Remake from Infamous Adventures

Look. I know that it's not as impressive as AGDI's version. The time limit is laughably long, the spells are impossible to mess up, and some of the clickable areas can be a bit wonky. But I really like this version, ok?? I like the design and voice of Gwydion, I like the storybook quality that the cutscene art has, I like that it feels lonely when it should. And as much as some of the changes in AGDI's version were really nice, I like that it's basically just the original game without extra stuff added in.

This is like AGDI's KQ1 - a really solid remake of a game that gives you the feel of the original but with an updated interface and graphics. It's not as impressive as the one above, but it doesn't have to be. The original KQ3 is an awesome game, so an update of just that can't be bad. It can easily be played as a standalone game, and I will continue recommending this version 'til I die, lol.

[mets-negative]

Im having a really good time in lords of the fallen. It feels like dark souls 2's gameplay but in a setting that feels to me like demons souls. Which both of those are probably my favorite souls games.

The way multiplayer works is so good, I really cannot look at both coop and pvp in souls games now without comparing it to lords of the fallen. And that means a lot to me seeing that ive beat every souls game except sekiro because i suck at timing.

But the game stutters horribly at times, even when im playing on performance mode on a series x. Its probably because the game has to run itself twice? Or render itself twice? Idk technical details, one being the normal world, and the other being the umbral/dead world.

Im doing a strength radiance build like i do in most souls games because using big weapon and having some buff spells and healing spells is just always good for a first playthrough. This time im using a spear instead the usual big sword or big axe.

Also i wear this stupid helmet that kinda reminds me of micolash.

Also heres a host falling to their death because its always funny to see

Also i love that the starting classes are like your normal souls classes knight, wretch, cleric etc, and the there was one i didnt take a picture of but it was just like the default hunter armor from bloodborne. It just stood out.

Also i like how character creation lets you make actually chubby characters like dark souls 1. Instead of every other souls game having just awkwardly wide characters.

Finally I like that your character doesnt make vocal noises that often, so i can make my charaxters voice in my head.

Theres so much I wanna say about this game but im gonna go to sleep.

[lulusoblue]

Small edit I did of a song by Amarante, removing the ending monologue and replacing it with the instrumental, and decided to upload it for anyone else.

The ending monologue was spoken by a fairly popular youtuber who in recent years turned out to have been a child groomer. I used to love watching his let's plays and just sticking them on in the background, he had some chill playthroughs. Then the truth was revealed, and like many I was disgusted and heartbroken. Thus the danger of parasocial relationships, unfortunately.

It sucked because a lot of the music in my library came from his outros, and Amarante were one of the artists I really enjoyed listening to as a result. Rest of the music I can still listen to, but the problem I had listening to Amarante was that he was in a couple of their songs. Two I replaced with their instrumentals, because they were justt album intros with just him saying monologues, but one song had Amarante's vocals and his voice at the end. I really can't listen to his voice now without feeling disgusted, I'm sure a lot of people can't stand to, and I finally decided to make this edit to replace the original in my library.

The intros and song were all made when this youtuber was getting very popular, long before the initial allegations and truth came to light, and far as I can see he just lended his vocals to Amarante (as stated in a tweet nearly a decade old). Don't know their stance in what happened but they don't need to take responsibility just for having worked with him. As far as I can tell, Amarante aren't associated with him beyond said vocals for 3 tracks in their whole discography, so right now I don't feel much guilt for still enjoying their music, same as any music from MonsterCat.

I wanted to upload this in case anyone else was in a similar mindset, and if someone hadn't done this already. It's not really my place to forgive his actions, but it's definitely my place to forget him, and this easy edit at least keeps him completely out of my music library and lets me enjoy my Amarante library in peace.

[pepprs]

dont worry abt responding to my messages!! they can be little trinkets for u to keep forever if u wanna :)))

dear anon… how could i not respond to THESE!!!!!!!!!! 😭💗💗💗💗💗💗💗 you are the sweetest kindest most WONDERFUL soul. it is an honor to receive these beautiful letters and i hope you know how much i cherish each and every one. not just the words but the adventures you take me on and write up for the two of us!!! and the beauty and magic you help me to see in the world around me and the peace and love and love and love you conjure for me in moments when i cant find it or feel it so easy!!!! like idk i know i have no idea who you are outside of being dear anon and i only answer asks once in a blue moon but it truly means the world to me. TRULY.

your writing feels like all the best things, all the things i love most. like leaf piles in the fall and the pikmin bloom soundtrack (btw if you dont play that already i HIGHLY recommend it to you specifically, i think u would really like it and tbh you sending me these letters has the same vibe as my pikmin bringing me postcards from their adventures :"~DDDD!!! if you ever do join it please lmk i would LOVE to be friends and send you postcards and do adventures together!!!!) and frosting on cupcakes and twinkly dust motes in the sunlight and cumulus clouds and dogwood flowers and the way things made of glass refract rainbows and SUNLIGHT SUNLIGHT SUNLIGHT. and even that isnt cutting it. how magical it all is. like i wish i wasnt so exhausted so i could express it better but it truly is so... idk. NOSTALGIC! COZY! HOME!!!!!

so... in order to try to articulate it (and also show my thanks / return the favor / etc.), i am sending this letter along with a care package knitted with word and song and magic and light. enclosed please find:

wind chimes that sing like the sun hitting the lake (also i REALLY want to get a butterfly hair clip!!! i cant wear hair clips or anything else fancy in my hair bc of my mask headbands but id love to have one in case im ever able to wear it in the future 🥹)

a heart-shaped pebble from brighton, to add to your collection (btw i LOVE the part about how you lost them a long time ago but you love them so you remember what they look like. WAUGH. gut punch GUT PUNCH IN THE BEST WAY!!!!)

a mug for hot chocolate, so we can share some together when it gets cold again -- decorated with hand-painted stars in all colors!

a tiny needle to knit your sundust satchels -- like the kind youd find in pixie hollow or the tale of desperaux or something (also both things that have dear anon vibes to me and are also DEEPLY nostalgic for me!)

a recipe for starfait, with illustrations!! (also i LOVE that idea for a replacement for "tesscore"!! but i may end up using that for my personal tag on my undertale / deltarune blog instead bc its so perfect (and also im HONORED that u associate that with me 😭😭😭😭))

a crown and wand for you to wear to match the fairy queen mouse while you write the same kind of magic and comfort she brings!

a packet of magical flower seeds that sprout the most whimsical sweet-smelling flowers, with petals that are soft to the touch!

a hand-woven scarf in your favorite color threaded with shiny silver strands, like comets streaming through the sky (also i am SO late to say this but UNO REVERSE CARD re: your new years wish to me which is genuinely making me lumpthroated and teary eyed reading it again in AUGUST. you are the sweetest EVER. and also ive never played journey before but ive been interested in it for years!!! i'll have to check it out and/or watch a playthrough!)

a hummingbird sculpture on a long stick for you to plant in your garden among the flowers, to sing to them and to you! (also RE: your question about your vocal range -- it just means that you can cover a little over two octaves (the number after the letter is the octave it's in, and each octave is a span of c-d-e-f-g-a-b-c -- so your range starts at about halfway through the third octave and goes to halfway through the fifth!) i think your range is about the same as mine iirc so we can hum along with the hummingbird and all three follow each other's notes :"~D <3)

a golden acorn on a thread for you to wear as a necklace when we go to the bird tea party! (by the way, have you ever read the book ""until the last acorn "when the last acorn is found?" it's a BEAUTIFUL book and it made me cry reading it! i think you and the acorn people would get along very, very well!!)

a lantern made of jelly moonlight and silver foil stars (see: ilomilo chapter 4 :"~D) for you to carry on your walks through the dim nights (you can hang the stars in the sky, and they'll brighten the world and light at your touch!)

a copy of one of my favorite books of all time, "the ten thousand doors of january," which is so much about wedging cracks open into other worlds, and something i think you might like very much / resonate with too!!

a big, big hug.

dear anon: THANK YOU. for all these words and for being you. i dont know how i got so lucky to have you sending me these little trinkets but i will most CERTAINLY keep them forever. i hope you experience all the peace and love and love and love to infinity. may you always know and shine with the light you bring and the light you are.

[digirainebow]

The only problem with timezones is I want to talk to the cool people but I get so tired and start talking absolute nonsense (like I'm doing rn) but anyways who's your favourite oxenfree character?

i am a connoisseur of talking nonsense so dont you worry. and oooo this is the most enigmatic question of all time for me. it shifts from moment to moment. i have tried many times to declare a favorite and it never really feels right because i love and think about them all about the same. i usually say clarissa is my favorite because she is the one i connected with first. i loved her from the moment i met her on my very first playthrough, and she has continued to be something i return to in low moments because she is symbolic of something very valuable to me when it comes to dealing with anger. but as i said in The Oxenfree Playthrough Video™, jonas is realistically more my favorite because gets the most reaction out of me. he's a blorbo, a scrunkly, whatever. evokes a lot of those feral stick figure memes with the blood. he is just suuuuch a little guy to me and so funny and so sweet and just like me for real. also more of the dealing with anger thing. that's a big plus for me always but in this moment? right now? i kinda wanna say? its ren? i do say quite often that i actually think about him maybe more than any of the other characters, i just usually dont vocalize it because i am often worried im embellishing and taking liberties with his intended character. and the thoughts can get very complicated for personal reasons that i wont get into and because it took a long time to get to this place with him as a character compared to the others. he was my least favorite by far when i first played. but i just cannot help myself but infer from his dialogue now that ive played like 80 times and picked all the options that there is just so much more to him than could ever have fit into the game. ren is cup fucking overflowing like there is so much of his emotional issues bursting out of the seams through the whole game and i am just so endeared to him and his thoughts and motivations. he is also just a little guy to me who is funny of course, but he isnt a little guy in the comfy, brotherly, jonas way. he is a poor little wet cat of a man to me with the most adhd a person can have. i want to know about his past and his future almost more than anyone else because, and it is wild, for how much ren talks and overshares, we really don't know a lot about his life before the island. we know like, ALL of the details, but none of the core. he "needs to be needed" and has a therapist and needed a baby sitter until he was 14 and we will just...never know the core of why! how much did michael's death hurt him? we know how it affected alex, and clarissa, and even jonas by proxy! but even if he wasn't friends with michael, he still grew up with him. and knowing how close he was to alex...y'know? and we just never really...find out a lot there. and somehow that absence of knowledge speaks more to me about his character than any direct info ever would? he cannot help but be kind of a damaged little dude who spews his needs and fears at the drop of a hat, but i don't think he likes being that way. he wants and likes to be jokey and deflective and just have a good fucking time. and i both feel bad for him because of that and understand completely? even if he himself has not gone through something traumatic, everyone around him has. so why wouldn't he just want to make a space where they can all just have fun? sorry he just makes me insane. anyway. yeah, ren right now. i think. clarissa or jonas usually. probably alex tomorrow. i will shut up now because i should, not because i don't have more to say. i will always have more to say about these characters. man

[foundationsofdecay]

Adding this in comments rather than tags bc they’ve got long bits coming but YES!!! Thank you so so much for furthering that conversation surrounding the instrumentals, that doesn’t often get nearly as much attention as it should outside of the (wonderful) ii playthroughs and some small moments in other songs. It’s something I think is so personal and the vocals and instrumentals are entwined in this lovely way because of it and when you get these huge changes it says and does and means a lot!

Especially regarding how it affects the tone and meaning in this song. I agree with you so wholeheartedly, there’s actually an old post I did (set to private, admittedly, whoops) on my secondary blog regarding this song that I think compliments what you’re saying here about this sick sick sick combination of a sort of eternal damnation to love someone and how that feels so isolating when that person feels like your entire world at times, and getting nothing back. The post’s a bit of a mess but I’m copy/pasting and sharing it anyways since it’s relevant to this, I think. So, post along w some extra comments are under the cut

Honestly, “Fall For Me” kind of gets to me in a unique way, even though there’s plenty of other st songs with a similar sort of pleading aspect to it. I think it’s that it’s not just a painful unrequited love, it’s the “I am yours in the end,” “to the rhythm of eternity.” Knowing that you’re always going to love this person, no matter what, regardless of reciprocation or how they respond or act, that even if and when things fall apart there is going to be some kernel of that feeling.

It’s a plea for a balm to the pain of how overwhelming your love is in that moment, barely even able to process or handle it. Even just seeing them, being near them, brings a sense of peace, of rightness, a chemical reaction that stabilizes you and rends you inert. Having that reciprocated would make that pain disappear entirely, at least it feels that way in the moment. There’s the idea of missing someone so much that it hurts, but this is a different tune that cuts deeper because that pain can only ever get worse.

I guess I’m projecting, though that’s the whole point. I dunno. I’ve only felt that way once, a decade ago at this point, and it ended predictably terribly, but the song makes me kind of miss it, or at least that moment in time just prior to it, when that feeling of completely overwhelming love was at its strongest.

So you get this cry with layered vocals, not processed like the rest but coming organically and sounding ripped directly from his chest as he makes that cry of “oh God, I wish you were here”, but he’s greeted with nothing but silence, along with himself and his thoughts and his unacknowledged love.

Earlier, in “Higher” he claims that he only needs the silence, but look at what the silence does here. It’s bringing up that question of “if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” Because truly, who is hearing Vessel but himself? It’s like he’s screaming into the void but it’s all for nothing. There’s no one around to hear him, not the trees or birds or oceans or any backing instrumentals. He speaks of the rhythm of eternity, but what does that mean to a man existing in this oppressive silence? What’s the garden of his love worth when there are no birds or insects to give it life, when the person it’s for won’t even acknowledge what was offered to them?

The person he loves needs melodies, but that doesn’t get Vessel anywhere either. He’s breaking the silence and getting nothing for it, giving all that he has and pleading to not be alone and to be heard if nothing else, to know that he’s not just falling with no one around to hear him.

It’s just that. Be here, be with me, please, I just need to know you’re at least near me because I’m stuck like this forever and I don’t want to keep falling deeper and deeper without you there, and I want so badly for you to take my hand and say my name again and smile back at me and answer me when I call your name.

But nobody’s there, nobody can hear him, and none of his pain matters because nobody is there to see it. It may as well not be real, he may as well not be real, turning into this digitally altered and less organic, less human version of himself while the person he’s tied his humanity to has left him to weather to nothing, and the fact that it isn’t until Take Me Back To Eden that he gets a real response to this speaks volumes, and even adds to the pain and betrayal of it all. There’s so many moments that speak to that, to this song, to this loneliness and the isolation and the empty chasm inside of Vessel himself where that love should, in his eyes, be.

Here he’s fallen into so many things. In love, in his own head, into crushing loneliness and despair, into denial, into this sea of confusion and doubt, and this song feels like the last cries of a dying man who knows he won’t be heard but knows he has to try anyways.

I wanted to add on to this ask done by an anon on ST confessions, because they are so right and they made something click in my brain. Do go read it before you read this.

First, off, heavy agree that Fall for Me is designed to be a lonely song, both lyrically, and quite smartly, musically. In every single other song Sleep Token has ever done there is music. There is noise, always. Even in times where there should be silence, there never is any. Instead, it's filled by sounds of birds, a taught guitar chord or chewing and biting.

Fall for Me, however, is utter silence. There's no musical reply. No SFX, no subtle drums or bass; no nothing. It's the one of the few songs (along with Missing Limbs, Take Aim and Drag me Under) in which Vessel directly addresses the love he holds for this person. It's not layered in metaphors, prose and an eloquent vernacular, it's straightforward. While his poetry in other songs is used to draw Them in, decorate his love and entice Them, he's done with getting nothing. He wants to be an equal, a lover, but he gets naught.

The reason why, other than the obvious choice of acapella instead of instruments, the song feels so lonely is because it's the only song- overall- that he doesn't get a response to. Sugar is the response to The Offering, Say That You Will is the response to Take Aim etc., but here? Cold, dead silence. No gesture in tongues, no crushing 'affection'; no nothing.

So, to the rhythm of eternity, he will be on that beach, stumbling, crawling and shouting out the same question that he will never get an answer to; won't you fall for me?

However, even though, unlike most songs that get an answer within their album, Vessel gets one in the next. Take Me Back To Eden, therefore, becomes the answer to that question. As well as Vessel's action against it.

@lifemod17 saw you reblog the ask as well, thought you might like this :]

[shock-micro]

i think it's so charming that cassette beasts takes so much from its predecessor, lenna's inception

(spoilers ahead for games i really care about under the cut. go play 'em! or, if you haven't played either, maybe this'll convince you?)

it has a few designs inspired by it, the titular lenna actually shows up as a secret boss WITH A VOCAL MIX OF MULTIPLE THEMES FROM THE GAME AS HER BATTLE THEME WHICH SLAPS, and overall it seems to learn a lot from the game's successes and failures

lenna's inception, if nothing else, was procedural to a fault. the final dungeon is the only one that has a set layout, for example, and the whole world layout down to the name itself is based on a seed. but i dunno, it's a neat little experiment, it's still filled with its own charm despite going to great lengths to parody the legend of zelda at times. the story is fairly goofy, but i like the homages to old glitches and how it turns "going out of bounds" into a real game mechanic. oh yeah, and the music slaps, but i feel like choosing between the 32-bit and 8-bit styles was kinda oversold when the 32-bit is the clear winner.

cassette beasts, in contrast, is far larger of a game, and much less experimental. the world is quite well-designed, and the procedural stuff is kept to places where it's actually warranted. the way to unlock the final dungeon is revealed based on a song, fragments of which are obtained by beating bosses- and the song (along with the location it points to) is actually picked randomly when you first start a save. i love that! it's a nice and natural way to freshen up subsequent playthroughs, complementing its more open-world style and its theme.

the game has a far more involved type system than its inspiration, and far more ways to influence your beasts' types in battle. fitting that, the game has a system for dynamically recoloring your beast depending on what type it currently is! this works in tandem with the game's equivalent of shiny pokemon, bootlegs, which also change the type and color- but if the coating and bootleg happen to be the same, it changes a completely different part. the fusion system also plays into this, with each beast having a unique body and face that are dynamically combined with each other when you fuse, and a fusion power move depending on their types. it's not ai, just smart programming!

i also love the smaller ways it builds on and references its predecessor, like the archangel of capitalism being named mammon in both games, how both "deus ex calibur" and "deus hex machina" are plays on the same trope and are used by the true main villain of each game, how the main female sidekicks both have a lesbian crush on archangels despite potentially being in a relationship with you, and just generally how they criticize the tropes of their respective genres while also adding something unique gameplay-wise.

...both also got updates later on to add new caves? that one might be a bit of a stretch. i'm gonna be real here- lenna's inception is definitely the worse of the two, but i think it's still very worthwhile as a charming experiment that you should look into if you have the time. you all know my opinion on cassette beasts. play the damn game. i've tried so hard to not mention the music and i still did it in the opening comparison! cassette beasts is living proof that monster tamers outside of pokemon can be amazing and unique in both style and gameplay.

[limestoner]

Laughing uncontrollably at the character names in LGIO’s playthrough of Meeple Station.

I like to stim on videos that have vocal intonation that I like. I’ll dip in for the stim lines, wander, have some Bubblegum OG, recite more stim lines.

Stim lines sounds like something that is in urban dictionary. siiiiiiigh

I checked and it isn’t. Great! I mean stim lines are lines spoken in a movie or show with intonations that hit my ears just right. It feels good to recite them along with the original. In my ears, in my brain, in my mouth, in my body. If that sounds orgasmic, that’s because it almost is. It’s a rare state of physical synchrony of sensations. No anxiety.

Oh god. It feels good to hear and speak, but it is so hard to listen and express.

I need to know the audio. I need to control the audio. I need to be able to jump in and dip out based on how I feel internally, whether or not it fits within the conversation. Like mid sentence, speaking or listening, I just need to be done, walk away. Destimulate.

Usually I’m a sensory avoider rather than a sensory seeker. But I seek for synchronizing my voice to the original voice saying the words in the intonation that I like. It’s extremely similar to how I feel about spicy food. I don’t like bland food. Like I’ll eat it and never complain, but it’s not my favorite. I like a medium-hot level of spicy with bountiful pepper and herbs and spices. But if the food is too spicy and it’s physically uncomfortable you can’t enjoy it. So I’ll take bland food over too hot. And don’t get me started on temperature hot!

Tasty! Tasty! Tasty!

I like a medium level of hearing and talking, but don’t understand or sync up with the conversation rhythm. It takes me too long to process what the person really means because I’m stuck in all the sounds.

I think it helps me hear sounds new to me in other languages because that is what my brain prioritizes.

When I have ear infections, not being able to hear on one side makes me feel unbalanced. Not in the vestibular system sense, but because the patterns of sounds in the environment aren’t balanced between my two sides. I’m not sure which side is heavier: blocked or healthy ear.

I’d love to have MRI scans done to see if this is what’s going on. I think a lot of people with autism who are thought to be “nonverbal” but make sounds are in fact saying words that are unintelligible due to motor speech problems. Gestalt Language Processors (GLP).

I always knew that my life was easier than it would have been if I wasn’t able to speak the way I do. I never had difficulty with motor speech though motor skills for the rest of me are a different story so everything I said sounded pretty good, because it was cobbled together chunks of audio that I had heard and sensed that “fit” the context in some way.

The level of precision with which I have to have and in real time, and how much to keep up with its like trying to build a railroad with an oncoming train. But I have to do it! There are expectations, you see. People usually expect small talk topics. Polite conversation. The content and and implications are critically important. I bond with people over stim lines. When I hang out with my friend and do that, it’s the happiest feeling ever.

If an autistic person makes a sound, especially a repeated one, try making it with them. It’s comforting. More comforting than asking, “Are you okay?” The shared sound feels like “I’m with you.” Not a song. Just regular words.

I guess you could say that’s my hobby. Reciting stim lines and walking around all weird and bendy. Though according to George Carlin, “it’s not a hobby. Hobbies cost money; interests are free.” I could go for some George Carlin stim lines. From his stand up and from Shining Time Station.

[tonoiho]

final thoughts on Sonic Frontiers (as a viewer and not a player)

ive got some stuff to say about the game since i finished watching playthroughs and i will try to keep this as spoiler-free as possible, but still going to tag it and add a read more.

i will not be sharing/posting any big spoilers for the game until after official release as ive stated before (albeit in a now-deleted post). regardless, any possible spoilers will always be tagged. same goes for fanart.

Admittedly before, I didn't have much hope for Frontiers despite my excitement, but recently as more and more info came out (and me looking for leaks oops), I was a lot less pessimistic.

It takes a LOT for something in the franchise to disappoint me, and I mean that. I'm more of a "accept something as it is" kinda guy when it comes to Sonic because for even the "bad" games, I just appreciate them for existing in the first place since they make me happy.

But unfortunately, as great as Frontiers was throughout the majority of the game, the ending was surprisingly underwhelming at best, disappointing at worst. It wasn't bad I guess and maybe that's just me being nice, but it was anticlimactic for sure. I will say, while many people find the true final boss to be boring or otherwise "lazy", I honestly thought it was interesting. It isn't the best final boss fight ever, but interesting. I'm hoping we learn more about them in the future.

There is a point on the 4th island where the stakes of the story are at their highest, only for it to be easily resolved within seconds in the most anticlimactic and cheesy (/neg) way. Which is unfortunate seeing this was something specific fans were looking forward to. The game from that point on kind of takes a turn. Again, it's not really bad, but it feels like stuff is missing from the game entirely and a ton of missed opportunities.

There is also a big complaint I keep seeing about the final islands just being extensions of Kronos, and to that I say I really don't mind. The 4th island is story driven strictly anyway, with no enemies, Cyberspace levels, or maps. I do tend to look forward to lore than gameplay regardless, so I understand people being upset by this, but I personally am not.

Despite all the negatives, the majority of the game was amazing from a viewer standpoint. I loved the character interactions and developments, and I can't even say "oh this character had the better development" because they all were great in my opinion, and I hope we get to see that in future games. There were plenty of moments between characters that got me emotional to the point of tearing up or entirely sobbing, but that could just be me.

Another thing I adored was the soundtrack. Some songs are definitely more memorable than others, but that's just kinda how soundtracks are. I enjoyed the vocal tracks and Cyberspace level themes a lot. Music is a big, important thing to me and I'm glad Frontiers did not disappoint on that at all.

Seeing as there are things that were very obviously left out or cut from the game for one reason or another, I hope they get expanded on in some form. It would be nice to get an IDW comic about Frontiers more extensive than the prequel honestly because there is so much potential.

I'd say up until the 4th island, the game is a 9/10. Anything after is a 7/10. Definitely get the game if you've been looking forward to it; I'd hope its flaws don't ruin the whole experience for you when most of the game is good, just don't expect the most spectacular ending.

And of course before I close this off, if you do still plan on playing it, there is a "true" final boss that is not indicated anywhere in or outside of the game at all. To get to that boss, you need to play on hard mode. Easy and normal mode gets you the cut/shortened ending.

Overall, if given the chance to play Frontiers, I will. I just don't see myself buying it for a while (mainly because I'm broke lmfao).

I hope this was helpful to someone, and I hope despite everything you still allow yourselves to have fun with Frontiers.

[bluebudgie]

10 YEARS OF GW2 – A TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE

Hello peeps! As a little countdown to GW2's launch anniversary on August 28 I decided to dig up some old memories and take a small look at my personal journey through the game. Each day I'll make a post about another year.

DAY 5: 2016

Ah, 2016... if someone held me at gunpoint to name the GW2 year, for me that'd be this one. So many things that happened, so many new characters created... let's continue on the nostalgia road!

As teased last time, with Heart of Thorns came my back then favourite meta event:

The Battle in Tarir. I loved the amount of coordination and communication it took to succeed. The dynamic music that changed with the battle's phases really set the atmosphere. My favourite runs were those that took the whole 20 minutes of event time and then succeeded with 8 seconds left to spare on the timer. That happened more often than you'd think.

South gate was my gate, and boy did I push that egg bomb a lot. In the rare occasion that south wasn't last to finish after 5 (or more) excruciating burn phases, it was really fun to ping pong the bomb back and forth on the entrance stairs to wait for the other lanes.

Classic.

On that note... anyone remember multiloot? Likely the most toxic I've ever seen this game in open world pve, if you've known me at the time you know I was an avid and vocal anti-multilooter. Abandoning maps to hop onto 'better' maps after one regenerating octovine was all too common, and throwing insults left and right was the norm. Probably the only time I've seen people regularly compare the game to LoL and WoW. Still, in retrospect I'm kind of nostalgic for that era.

While Tarir was probably 50% of what my playthrough tag here was about at the time, let's not linger any longer. There was something else that filled the other 50%:

Excuse the language, but spiritwood planks were 13 gold per piece.

Ah.. Nevermore. My first legendary journey and by far most memorable to this day. Alongside the grind for crafting materials, it made me complete all the Heart of Thorns maps, level all my masteries (HoT was pretty stingy with mastery points before LS3 happened so that took a bunch of effort), and get into both WvW and fractals for the first time ever.

Along the way I met other people tackling this - at the time - most challenging legendary weapon to craft (alongside HOPE and Astralaria of course), and we've bonded with strangers through missed event chains, mastery point despair, and silverwastes chest farming (RIBA wasn't a thing yet as far as I'm aware).

After several very active months of tears and joy I got my first (and best!) legendary:

I still consider this my greatest achievement in this game. Also yes, I am literally this childish, I refuse to make use of the legendary armoury for this staff. I made it for this walnut and only he gets to use it. I won't even transmute it for other characters. Everyone else gets exotic and ascended staves. Is that silly? Yes. Do I care? No. His legendary. Noone else's. Main privileges.

By the way, Nevermore anon, are you still around? I always loved reading your messages here.

2016 had a lot of "first times" for me, which included doing all fractals my girlfriend and I managed to duo...

(we were not dressed as anakin and obi-wan to reenact the episode III mustafar fight scene for a really awful epic video in the volcano fractal)

...and doing all the story dungeons together.

Inquest brainworms were planted that day.

And I also joined Tyria Pride for the first time! We marched all the way to Silverwastes and through the entire jumping puzzle that year.

You know what else happened in 2016?

The return of Super Adventure Box! Not much to say about it really, as always it was a blast.

The months went by, I spent a lot of time with all HoT metas, replayed the HoT story on different characters, still fought Tequatl a lot, announced some Crashlanding achievements at the Claw of Jormag and at some point along the way picked up a minor Tangled Depths obsession. Speaking of which, check out this screenshot:

So much going on here. No HP% on the HP bar (was that a patch thing or was that an option I hadn't activated?), 4:20 (no meme intended) minutes left on timer until the cannons are charged and the event is far from over, all gerents moving to their third phase... a blast from the past. One-phase killing all gerents who? Didn't dream of that in 2016. Also I was an Ogre lane regular, I apologize. The other lane mechanics scared me too much. Until I found out there's nothing scary about SCAR and Rata. Nuhoch without mounts is a different story.

LS3 also started in 2016! Taimi's Game is one of my all time favourite story instances. Paired with the excellent music, Taimi announcing that Jormag (my favourite elder dragon that I had been waiting for for years....) had woken up was an amazing goosebumps moment.

Alas I somehow lost a large chunk of 2016 screenshots (and with that all the story ones) so have this memory instead:

You're welcome.

If I wanted to I could probably find plenty more things that went on in 2016, but this is getting long so let's wrap it up here. Onto 2017!

Permanent additions to the character roster that year:

That's a lot of new characters in a single year. At least it's not all Sylvari this time.

Links to all posts: 2012 // 2013 // 2014 // 2015 // 2016 // 2017 // 2018 // 2019 & 2020 // 2021 // 2022    

[thisaintascenereviews]

I Am - Eternal Steel Texas extreme metal band I Am is a band that I’ve never been super crazy about, although I’ve heard a few of their albums, and I’ve enjoyed all of them. I’ve never been over the moon for them, but they’re a solid band. They were always a deathcore-leaning band to me, including a lot of breakdowns, deep and gutteral harsh vocals, as well as a death metal aesthetic, but it seems like things have changed a little bit on their newest LP, Eternal Steel. I don’t remember if I heard their last LP before this one, but from what I saw, they turned into a hybrid of death metal, thrash metal, groove metal, and hardcore. They threw a bunch of sounds into a blender, at least from what it looked like. I remember their album, at least the songs I heard from it (if I didn’t hear the whole album, anyway) had that sound, and they were interesting, to say the least. It was a bit of a clunky sound, because they didn’t mesh it extremely well at that point yet, but it was cool hearing a death metal, groove metal, and thrash mix with a dash of hardcore and crossover. With that said, though, they’re also one of those bands that falls victim to the issue of having a bunch of sounds in their own sound, only to be more or less a sum of their parts, versus actually doing super unique or interesting when you break it all down. Each element of their sound didn’t really stick out in any way, but the combined product was pretty cool, all things considered. I didn’t know what to expect with Eternal Steel, but I had the same idea that they would definitely utilize their new sound a lot more. Sure enough, that’s what they do on this LP, and it yields good to mixed results. I want to preface my thoughts on this album with the idea that it’s a good album overall. If someone asked me if they should check this out, I’d say yes immediately. I’d completely recommend this record, but at the same time, there are some major issues here that I can’t ignore and that have ultimately made me want to revisit it somewhat less and less the more I hear it. The album doesn’t get any worse, per se, but it also hasn’t quite gotten any better with each subsequent listen, either, and that’s what an album should do. The more you hear it, the better it should get, or the more intricacies you find through playthrough. Let me talk about what I like first, though, and there are a few really good things here. Despite my biggest issue being its sound, and I’ll get to that more in a bit, I do enjoy it overall. I love their mixture of thrash, death metal, groove metal, and hardcore. They take the best elements of each genre and put them to good use. There are some sick thrash guitar solos, heavy and slowburning groove metal riffs, a lot of death metal ragers, and some awesome breakdowns that take over the album. Everything is performed well, especially for what it is, so when I say that I’m not crazy about this album, it’s not the performances, it’s more so how it’s all executed in the end. One thing I have always liked about this band, their sound aside, is their vocalist. He’s got one of the deepest and most gutteral death metal growls I’ve heard in a long while, but he has some range, too. What it all comes down to, at least as to why I don’t care for this album as much as I should, is in its execution. Everything sounds great, and it bothers me that I don’t like this album as much as I should. I like it, but I don’t love it. A lot of other people seem to love it, and I’m glad they do, because it’s a good album, but this album is just so generic when you really break apart each individual element of their sound. It’s almost like they sound like another band; their crossover moments sound like Power Trip, and their groove metal moments sound like Pantera, and that kind of takes me out of the album, because they just seem to sound like other bands. Whether they intend on that or not, I won’t comment on, because it doesn’t really matter, but it just sounds like they’re emulating other bands, versus crafting their own identity outside of combining these ideas together. You can combine these ideas together, but it doesn’t sound like they’re trying to create something new, but just take all of these ideas and sounds that are really good and put them in a blender. Like I said earlier, this album is the sum of its parts, so as long as you don’t break down the individual elements and just leave the album as a whole, you’ll enjoy it a lot, I’m sure. The album works best when you “turn your brain off,” so to speak, because it sounds awesome when you don’t think about it, and you just want some good riffs, breakdowns, and solos, but if you start to think about it, it just doesn’t do anything for me, because it sounds really generic in spots. Not to mention, this album also runs out of steam by the halfway point, and a lot of the songs just blend together in the end, which isn’t horrible on its own, but this album is about 42 minutes, so it’s a bit lengthy when you think about it. It’s not a bad album, per se, but the album just runs out of ideas, because it just has the same formula of combining these same sounds in different orders. A few acoustic and slower parts appear on the album, which is cool, but this album works best if you want a bunch of ragers. It’s one of those albums, so you really can’t criticize it completely, or go too hard on it, because it’s not trying to do anything unique or say anything unique, it’s trying to be fun, engaging, and heavy as all hell. Sometimes that’s all you need, but other times, it’s not enough. It’s weird, because I don’t usually fault albums for that, but the execution has to be top notch for me to excuse how generic it is. You can make the argument that this is unique, but not really. It’s not as unique as some people might think it is. I just don’t think this album is up to par with what I was looking for in the vein of heavy bangers. It’s got some good stuff, and I might play this every now and again, but I’m not going back this constantly, because there’s not much for me to go back to, either. That’s the main thing that I’m trying to say here, but you know what? If you enjoy this record, good for you. I’m glad you like it, because it’s a good album. Is it a great album, or is it one of the best of the year? No, not by a long shot, but I wouldn’t blame someone if they really loved this, either, because it’s got some good stuff on it. At the very least, it’s worth a listen.

[flashhwing]

when i say "the other way around" i don't mean that Hawke settled for or was manipulated into loving Fenris because unlike the people who write it the first way i actually fucking like the characters and am not using fic/headcanons for wank

to talk about my Hawke, like. he had an instant connection with Fenris. he related to the feeling of always being on the run, never being truly free, never having a home or roots. he sees Fenris pull the beating hearts out of slavers' chests and wishes he could do the same to Templars -- but he could never. that would only cause problems, that would only put his family in danger, he has to bite his tongue, he has to play nice and do the Templars' bidding, lest they lock him away like his brethren

of course Hawke falls for him. Fenris is equal parts snarky and earnest. he's funny and mysterious and more than a little bit attractive. he understands Hawke in a way that few others could

and he's vocally anti-magic.

and this doesn't. bother Hawke the way it should. maybe he buys into the idea that mages are dangerous, maybe he's just used to hearing it, but as long as Fenris doesn't pose a threat -- and he doesn't, he's got a loyal streak a mile wide, he's not turning Hawke in any time soon -- Hawke's okay with it. he can convince himself he's okay with it.

because Fenris, more than anyone else, has reason to fear and distrust magic. Fenris has trauma and Hawke understands that. he can't ask Fenris to change -- he can only work to earn his trust.

and he does! this is a reciprocal love! but there is one conversation that really hammers home the difference in how they see each other

Fenris: I'm an escaped slave and an elf living in a borrowed mansion. None of those things bother you? Hawke: And I'm an apostate refugee. Does that bother you?

because the thing is, to Hawke, Fenris's description of himself isn't something to get over. that's part of who he is, and Hawke loves that as much as the rest.

but for Fenris? Hawke being an apostate is something he has to get over. if Fenris loves Hawke, he loves him in spite of that.

and if you have this conversation before Hadriana? before "what does magic touch that it doesn't spoil?"

hoo boy

and then they're Together for a night, and then Fenris walks away.

he's right to, of course. because his leaving isn't about Hawke at all. Fenris isn't ready for this kind of relationship, he needs to take some time, he has so much still to work through, and if he stays he's only going to hurt himself and Hawke.

that doesn't make the leaving any less painful (for both of them). that doesn't make Hawke any less heartbroken.

and here I will freely admit that this is as much of the fenris romance as i have played (yet. i've only done two full playthroughs give me a minute). I don't know how this would progress in a full fenhawke playthrough. I don't know how Fenris and mage!Hawke make it work, if it's addressed at all.

because for my Hawke, this is where Anders comes in

(i mean, he's been there the whole time obviously, but this is when, after some time to get over the heartbreak, Hawke starts to Notice him)

coz the thing about Anders is like. he's passionate. he's a little silly. he cares deeply and he has a certain faith in Hawke that's a little intoxicating.

and he is proudly, unapologetically, openly a mage. he'll look Hawke in the eye and tell him his magic is a beautiful thing, that he deserves to live free. with Anders, Hawke does get to strike a blow to the Templars for the first time (contingent on my specific playthrough where he did all the pro-templar things in act 1, obviously you don't have to wait for dissent to fight against templars, but i digress)

Anders ... doesn't have any hangups about Hawke. when he loves Hawke, it's not in spite of his magic -- the thing lying at the core of his identity. if anything, it's because of it. and for someone who's spent his whole life hiding that part of himself away, working against his own interests just to make up for who he is ...

to have someone look at him and say I see you. I see all of you, and it's beautiful, and you don't have to hide

idk man, I think in this scenario it's Anders who's the ~true love~ or whatever. I think if he stayed with/waited for Fenris it would've been settling

dammit i have Something to Say but i'm about to head into a training session so I'll try to truncate it but like

how come the only time I've seen Hawke date Fenris and then Anders it's like. Fenris was their real love and they just settled for/were manipulated into dating Anders. why is it never the other way around. can't it be that Anders is their real love and it took having their heart broken by Fenris to get there

[badass-at-fandoming]

Just Little Ventrue Things ~

I finished a Camarilla Ventrue run of VTMB. Mostly, the only thing Ventrue these days know how to do is Dominate, run screaming, eat hot chip, and lie, and [high falsetto voice] here’s a list of other nonsense I discovered:

PC’s name is Christina; she’s a Dominatrix because I’m bi. Her sire was one of her clients, and she’s actually very, very angry about his death. She doesn’t mind being a vampire. She’s Wiccan and part of a coven

In this Camarilla run, I decided I would only do quests given by Camarilla members. My justification was that, while Christina is intelligent and curious about lore, she focuses on tasks that immediately relate to her and her goals. She’s not curious about others; won’t go out of her way to talk to them. She’s not a bleeding heart, like my other PCs, and she believes in the Camarilla’s laws. She just hates LaCroix for killing her sire. Her plan during the game is to curry as much favor within the Cam as possible and cozy up to LaCroix so she can stab him.

Enough backstory

Nonsense time

Smiling Jack laughs at you if you don’t eat a rat in the tutorial. LOL. The Ventrue dialog is like “I could barely choke down the homeless man: please don’t make me eat a rat!”

The blood in the Santa Monica haven’s fridge is now blue blood. Does regular blood make Ventrue sick? I was too scared to experiment.

[spots Mercurio] I am going to steal that ghoul

Rosa: The people you’re looking for are up there. Christina, assuming Rosa is a Cam agent: Okay, thanks, bye

Never spoke to the Thin-Bloods again (sorry Lily baby ;-;)

Everyone except Julius still leaves when the PC reaches Hollywood

If you try to feed on Julius, he WILL kick you in the head and you WILL glitch into the fire, be on fire; run away screaming in Prada

You can skip the whole basement of the Ocean House Hotel if you manage to jump over the hole in the staircase???? Like?? You mean the spookiest fucking level has been optional this whole time I”M

[ghost appears] [Christina smacks it with an axe] None of that.

Club girls speak to Christina and I’m on the FLOOR

Therese “kills” Jeanette, even though I had enough oompa to make that not happen.

Therese joins the Camarilla and says she’s in good position to be the next Prince??? Hello??? Where is our Prince Voerman ending????

Went straight to LaCroix, called him “sir,” and he name-dropped Napoleon.

LaCroix tells Christina to go visit the Anarchs. She blows the Anarchs off (Nines made a growly face, Damsel dialog yowl-exited out after I asked if she wanted to join the Cam; Skelter threatened to murder me twice). When LaCroix told Christina that, while he admired her Cam loyalty, she must listen to her enemies to understand what they wanted, it felt like he was actually being a good sire and mentor.

That’s weird.

When Christina asked for his history, he very carefully explained his lineage, like the important part of Ventrue culture it is.

Overall, I found LaCroix-being-nice-to-me extremely unsettling.

Sir. Stop smiling at me, sir. Stop being impressed I don’t ask for money. STOP MAKING ME UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE LIKE YOU, SIR.

In contrast, LaCroix sounded genuinely betrayed at the end

Also made it more obvious when he started to lose track of his marbles

Ventrue PC seems juuuuuuust tall enough for her forehead to glitch into the ceiling of literally any confined space

The dirty Elizabeth Dane policeman didn’t psspspspsp at Christina so the whole ship was 15 white-knuckled minutes of making police dance and scuttling about

There is!!! A lot less!!! Talking in this game!!! Than I remember!!! She is only good at talking and ordering people around i am bEGGING

All EXP goes to Dominate and making Christina extremely charismatic and buff.

Ventrue himbo????

Beckett un-himbo-ifies her

She insults Beckett on their first meeting, spitting out “What do you want, wolfie?!” I thought this was appropriate because she died like, 4 times on that warehouse mission and was Extremely Stressed And Under Duress

Beckett’s response of “Oh, you’re too young to have mouthed off to the truly old ones yet.” makes his later snide remark of “the young ones are so temperamental” 900% funnier. Yeah, LaCroix! Beckett thinks I’ve grown and am now more mature than you! XD

Missions involving sex workers hit different when you’re a sex worker.

Christina was incandescent with rage at the Brotherhood

Grout’s mansion mission was a lot of “I have no interest in this nonsense.”

For the first time ever, I didn’t kill anyone during the Museum quest! This is because Christina ran very fast and Dominated every guard as quickly as possible. Every single fucking guard knew she was there, but could do nothing about it, because they were dancing. The door to the sarcophagus locked (it will do this if too many guards are agro), but locked doors are no match for noclip hack.

Entertaining image of a tall woman absolutely blasting into this museum room and Beckett tackling her to the floor like wait! I must snark at you! You are legally obligated to speak with me!

Isaac is still somehow a pretty chill guy to work with if you’re Camarilla.

Christina didn’t visit VV or Ash. Interestingly, Ash didn’t show up at the hunter monastery later. Did he just die in his club? Is he still there, waiting, deciding?

Christina @ Andrei: what the fuck is this shit

“I don’t care. It’s ugly. Clean it up.”

SEWERS.

Not as bad as I was expecting

Did take shortcut, run away from fights, ducked out in the middle for a snack, and bring 7 blue blood packs tho

Gary threatened to shred her face with a cheese grater, which I thought was Toreador only dialog?? It must be connected to the Appearance Stat. Which Christina has maxed out.

When Heather became Christina’s ghoul, I was delighted because I thought this meant Christina would always have fresh blood.

No

If you ask to feed on her too soon after the last time, Heather says she feels light headed and wants to lie down. The dialog exits out

I love you, Heather bb

Perfected the art of nudging NPCs into corners

Mitnick’s quests now feature Enforced Nap Time for all guards

Seriously, Dominate is ridiculously powerful, hooooly shit. I get why people like it. I also like it when people do things I ask them to do.

Christina can’t sneak, but she CAN strongly encourage everyone to choke on their own tongues.

Very high contrast in the beginning of the game: 2 punches would knock her over, but anyone she spoke to would obey immediately and without question

Chinatown goes by ridiculously fast if you can’t sneak and don’t do any sidequests besides Mitnick’s.

For the first time ever, Zhao survived! This is because Christina made him take a nap.

He just told her to leave

You’re welcome, my good dude

IDK if it’s a game glitch, but Christina would vocalize? In battle, she grunts with effort and pain.

Got to the point where I kept expecting Dominate dialog in every interaction and would get disappointed if it didn’t show up. What do you mean I have to actually convince people? That’s lame.

Christina was polite and charming to Ming Xiao, who also conveyed a deeper betrayal than normal at the end. ;-;

I promise to give you a Ventrue boy toy soon, Xiao

Finale arc quests went by VERY FAST because Christina can’t sneak for shit. Just run in, Dominate blazing

You can skip the outside bit of the Hallowbrook Hotel if you find the open door on the top level what the fuuuuuuuuuCK

[“A Little Party Never Killed Nobody” plays while Christina wipes out the Sabbat in 10 minutes]

Andrei disappeared mid-fight and didn’t come back until I complained that only I was allowed to run away from boss fights

I’m categorizing “triggering the interaction to save Heather” as something quite difficult to do. The timing has to be just right. I’ve missed it twice now. BUT hacking into the game to save her is easy.

I love you, Heather bb

Final Beckett talk had the vibe of “You’re a very different person than me, but you’re also High Humanity and trying to do good. You don’t deserve to die.”

Damsel threatens to kick the shit out of Christina and is extremely reluctant to tell her where Nines is

“Out of all people, they send you? All right, let’s just talk terms.” - Nines because Christina was short with him one (1) time

WEREWOLF HARD

You can just?? Walk out of your haven?? Without speaking to Jack at all???

I didn’t do that

But I could have

[”Dust in the Wind” plays while Christina kills entire Camarilla hit squad in 3 minutes]

You can visit Mercurio and Trip on your way out of Santa Monica??

Mercurio makes no comment on the blood hunt. Business as usual with him. This is fine.

Christina: I’m SO going to adopt that ghoul. And perhaps Isaac can be convinced to part with Romero...

(For the first time ever, my PC boinked Romero. Twice, to receive the break up email)

This is definitely a glitch, but Christina brushed up against Caine, and a worried voice said, “Are you all right?” It sounded like the same voice actor, but a higher pitch?

Always nice to think about Caine demonstrating care

Christina asked Caine who he is, and Caine replied that he “gets people where they’re going. [He’s] a driver,”  which is a nice nod (lol) to both his literal job as a driver and as a shepherd/creator/god to Kindred. Caine creates and makes fate.

Caine triple checks with Christina that she’s sure Strauss won’t betray her. Thanks, Vampire Dad. :’D

For some reason, only other Ventrue guarded LaCroix’s tower. I wonder if this is intentional. Like all the other Camarilla Clans backed Strauss and left? So only LaCroix’s Ventrue lackeys remain? Anyway, it created some weird moments where Christina fought her double.

KILL YOUR DOUBLE

Sheriff laughed in haughty joy that he was to kill Christina. I don’t remember him laughing in other playthroughs.

Christina ruining Caine and Jack’s prank oh noes