#i love this game a lot and it hurts to see these patterns. i sincerely hope im wrong.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Drawing each other (CRPs 2/2)

I'm probably going to have beaten the game by the time this posts but guys I need leshy follower you dont understand he looks so crinkly (referring to cult of the lamb) this part was originally going to have bloody painter and puppeteer but uhuh... too many characters for me and the need to keep playing COTL is smashing my desire to write

Characters: jeff the killer, nina the killer, laughing jack, eyeless Jack, ben Drowned,

Notes: reader is GN, admin does a coin toss on whether or not the reader is an artist, ben is strictly platonic the others can be seen as any relationship

CWs: none

JEFF THE KILLER

cannot draw for shit, when he passes his drawing of you to you it looks like a total mess- there was some effort though so you do your best to not laugh

though he seems to be a mostly good sport about it as long as youre not actually maliciously bashing his art

a little jealous that youre an artist and thus your piece turned out better than his but it soon shifts into him thinking over things hes good at to make himself feel better

in a "well you cant do (x) but i can so haha" kind of way

will get legitimately offended if you jokingly add something like stink lines on your drawing of him

NINA THE KILLER

draws a lot and adds a lot to her drawings: vibrant colors, stickers, glitter, patterned tapes- anything she can get her hands on really! obligatory her art resembles the old scene and emo art styles from back in the day

she doesnt care if your art of her isnt the best, shes going to love it either way and will keep it on her at all times

hypes you up and compliments the parts of your art she likes- whether it be coloring, anatomy, or general vibe shes going to find something to say in order to uplift you

generally enjoys spending any time with you so shes instantly going to take you up on the offer of drawing each other whenever you bring up the idea- or just drawing anything together

or doing anything together

LAUGHING JACK

cannot draw but does not care one bit, just as long as hes having fun

may or may not purposefully make his drawing of you look as diabolical as possible, you can tell hes up to something thanks to his hushed giggling- of course he doesnt draw anything offensive or hurtful

if youre aware youre not the best artist and often poke fun at it, you both end up just making fun of each others pieces

which sometimes turns into the both of you scribbling on your own pieces to add some exaggerated detail in order to push the joke further

EYELESS JACK

he sometimes draws in order to pass the time when he has nothing to do, sometimes you give him new art supplies when hes running low and you can afford it

or sometimes you just share, since you have your own

drawing him was... easy... given hes more than likely wearing his mask the whole time so you put in effort to add some details

jack on the other hand takes his time to get it down right

leads into you asking him how he can see given his obvious lack of eyes, which makes the atmosphere feel a little off but thats... another idea for another day..

gives genuine and sincere compliments when looking at your work, takes his time like he did when he drew you, in order to take it in

BEN DROWNED

i like to think he used to draw before he drowned and died, usually drawing stuff that matched his interests. the same thing over and over

though i can see him getting a little rusty due to not having the chance or means to draw... you can see him getting visibly upset while hes trying to finish his piece of you

youre not an artist yourself, so your drawing of him isnt the best either and it does make him feel a little better

"oh wow these are both shit" and youre both just giggling over your drawings of each other

its over if one of you gave the other too big of a forehead

[tauforged]

i’m actually about to shift into full autism mode hang on i gotta ramble about some wf mechanics that bug me while i’m on the topic... the recent shift towards making the big bosses as difficult and time consuming as possible, like how they were hotfixing the shit out of the orb mothers specifically to cut out methods speedrunners were using, sucks a lot of fun out of the game and alienates the target audience, being people who play video games because they enjoy video games

i understand that it makes sense for there to be some challenge for the game to actually feel rewarding, and that it’s necessary to patch out glaring bugs or exploits people are using to cheat at the detriment of other players (such as people killing demolysts in the then-brand new disruption missions by using loki to teleport them off cliffs, giving an unfair advantage during the hostile mergers event by allowing players to totally bypass the actual objectives of the gamemode in favor of racking up a high score with little to no effort). but there is a difference between getting rid of ways for people to cheat due to oversights in designing the level, and making enemies absurdly hard to kill just to throw more obstacles at the players (the MOA demolyst that goes fully invincible for a decent chunk of time before self destructing, for example, was a huge pain in the ass for my clanmates and i back during HM because its nullification field made it near impossible to stop once it got to the same room as the conduit, because it shook off every attempt to hold it still via abilities) and essentially punishing resourceful players for using the materials given to them to solve an encounter in an unexpected way. at this point i’m surprised DE hasn’t changed chroma so that self damage doesn’t effect his abilities because of how powerful that can make him with the right build :/

i KNOW at the end of the day it all comes back down to making bossfights hard and taxing with ridiculous drop rates for the rewards everyone actually wants, making obtaining new warframes or weapons tedious enough without spending money that the players will just buck up and buy platinum so they can get it over with, and while some extent of monetization makes sense given warframe is a free game and a high quality one at that, given that it IS technically possible to get almost everything in the game w/o spending a dime, and on top of that is just a really good game with a lot of appeal and years of work poured into it. BUT it also bugs me cuz it’s not a level theyvetaken it to in the past (remember when you could oneshot planet bosses and farm an entire warframe in less than 20 minutes?) and i worry that it’ll only get worse the bigger the game gets until it reaches a point where it’s unavoidable and compromises the gameplay itself :/

[dememetor]

HEY HEY HEY

I love your writing, can I please get jealous hcs for anyone? Please include suna thi he's my latest brainrot hAHA

hi, thanks for the request! and suna brainrot?? bitch me too the fuck. anyways, hope you enjoy~

(also sorry this is kinda late, i've rewritten iwaizumi and bokuto ones a million times)

Haikyuu boys when they're jealous

characters suna rintarou, kuroo tetsurou, iwaizumi hajime, bokuto koutarou, kenma kozume

warnings none but i'm probably gonna say fuck at some point

Suna Rintarou

he tries to be chill about it, he does

it hurts his ego to be this clingy but god

he can't help but to feel that sour sting of jealousy when he sees another guy approaching you

at first will only take a quick glance from afar, just to check if the guy is bothering you, and then promises himself to stay out of your business

well he doesn't

once he decides the guy has lost talking-to-y/n-alone privilege, he will nonchalantly make his way towards you, one hand in his pocket, other sneaking its way to your shoulder, resting his elbow and giving the poor boy a menacing look

he can be pretty intimidating too with that eyeliner and all

(but that look only works on people that don't know him well, he tried it on atsumu once and the latter just laughed in his face)

not the type to be openly jealous but when he sees someone blatantly flirting with you he will start to give you the Glance

blinks slowly (you know, like that one blonde haired guy gif) and looks at you through raised eyebrows as if to say hey babe, i love you and i trust you. what the fuck tho

and when the guy starts being borderline creepy he'll appear between you - and i mean literally will inject himself between you two and strike a conversation with you as if nothing weird happened

they usually get the hint, but this one guy tried to go around him, still rambling about whatever and suna literally turned on his heel and said "come again?" with such unrivaled coldness, his eyes exuding just sheer fucking spite

but like i said, unless the other guy is asking for it, he's not the type to start a direct confrontation

will take you by the hand and leave without much thought because he simply doesn't have the time for that shit

he might seem grumpy afterwards but a couple of soft kisses usually do the trick

soft kisses which are followed by a breathless make out session with you on his kitchen counter because he still wants you to know you're only his

Kuroo Tetsurou

this little bitch

never gets jealous

and i mean never

once pretended he was jealous just to make you feel better (??? his logic? unparalleled) but once you found out you beat his ass

loves it when you get jealous though (he thinks it's cute)

sometimes he does get insecure, but he shows it in an unusual way

like if you've been talking to someone, smiling at your phone for a while he'll just get up and randomly do a couple puhs-ups, start flexing his muscles and shit

all while you're looking at him like,,

"babe, what are you doing"

"oh i didn't think you'd notice me there. since you're on your damn phone all day"

"...are you my mom?"

nah he'll be fine (will steal your phone though)

also it's the funniest thing when he sees someone trying to flirt with you

he will literally walk over there, introduce himself (not mentioning he's your boyfriend) and act really interested in the conversation

he plays this game where he tries to see how long will it take the guy to realise you two are together (longest time: 24 minutes, record holder: yahaba shigeru)

whenever the guy asks you something he will interrupt you and answer for himself as if the guy were flirting with him

"so, like what do you do in your free time?"

"not mu-"

"oh i love taking long walks on the beach, especially during sunsets. i really think it is healthy for the mind and the soul, not to mention quite romantic too. don't you too love sunsets, kevin?"

at one point kevin will have had enough of it

"i was talking to y/n alone here"

"aw don't worry, you're not bothering me"

he is such a pain in the ass

why can't he just be normal

Iwaizumi Hajime

rational, mature, i love him

seriously, he is the bestest boy and he will treat you so well because he trusts you and respects your friendship with other guys as well

but on those rare occasions when he does get jealous,, oh boy

first of all, the PDA skyrockets, he has to have his arm around you at all times - around your shoulder? on your waist? in your backpocket? his hand's been there done that

not in any way possesive but will be really annoying unless you give him your full undivided attention that day

he lets himself be selfish a bit, after all he is your boyfriend he can have you all to himself for a day, right?

jealous sex with him? better prepare a wheelchair cause you want be able to walk straight tomorrow

sees a boy trying to flirt with you? tries not to make a scene but absolutely will throw the first punch if he needs to

one day he was having a particularly rough time at practice and all he wanted to do was lose himself in your arms and fall asleep to the feeling your fingertips tangled in his hair

and then he saw this?? guy? (the audacity!) laughing with you after telling some dumb joke and let me tell you - iwaizumi wasn't having any of it

he came up to you from behind, wrapped his arms around your waist and planted a small kiss on the crook of your neck

"when are we going home, love?"

and he gives him the calmest yet most fear inducing stare from behind you

and suddenly the pattern on poor boy's pants starts to look awful lot like piss stain

it is actually kinda hot how one single look from him can cause such a reaction

"he was just asking about english homework babe"

"yeah that's what they all say"

Bokuto Koutarou

gets jealous so so easily

it is actually fascinating

will get mad at otome games

"what does jumin han have that i don't???"

god forbid you pay attention to your pet more than him (btw you have a golden retriever and his name is bean)

you're sitting on the couch cuddling with your dog, scratching his ears, ruffling his fur and all that, and there he is, your clingy boyfriend, snuggling right next to you, demanding you play with his hair too

so dramatic

"you smiled at him... the way you used to smile at me..."

"bokuto, he's a dog"

the only guy he trusts 100% to be around you is akaashi, even kuroo is on thin ice

but him and akaashi are something else, one time you three had a sleepover and you felt like you were the third wheel

will act like a tough serious boyfriend in front of others, especially your other guy friends but in reality will look for affection immediately after

oh while we're at it - jealous bokuto kisses? are the best kisses

will also force you to wear one of his shirts for the rest of the day

my poor man is so touch starved so when he feels insecure or jealous he will look for comfort in things like holding your hand, nuzzling your neck or giving forehead kisses

but later that day, when you two are sitting on the couch cuddling he will quietly ask you something along the lines of "you still think i'm pretty, right?"

you can feel him all over you - his hands are creeping down your waist, he's pulling you in, deepening the kiss until all you can see, think and feel is him

he wants to show you exactly how much he wants you and what you were missing out on while you weren't paying attention to him

and it shocks you for a moment because you didn't realise just how much that one short moment of jealousy actually stayed with him

you have to reassure him he's the most beautiful boy you have ever met, and not only that, but also the funniest and the most caring person as well, and that you would never leave his side no matter what happened

and as much as he loves getting praised he always gets embarrassed, so he just smiles in return, but he is also happy to know you're there for him and you don't think he is too much

Kenma Kozume

it depends on his mood honestly

sometimes he doesn't mind it even if the other guy is flirting with you and sometimes will get pissy if you smile at the cashier

but when this boy gets really jealous oh my GOD

he is just like bokuto if not worse; he just hides it so well

one time you went grocery shopping with him and spent the entire time texting your friend who had just told you she was visiting your city

and he got so offended

you didn't even notice it until later that day when you came home and he suddenly refused to cuddle with you

silent treatment

lifts his nose and ignores you, only giving you dirty side glances from under the eye

such a massive sense of pride in those 170 cm even oikawa would be impressed

in my country there's a saying "it's in the smallest bottle that the poison lies" and honestly? yeah

at some point you realise why he's acting like that and you start teasing him

"i am not jealous i am just mildly irritated" is the only thing he deems necessary to say before going back to being unnecessarily pissed

he reminds you of an angry cat

it's kind of amusing seeing him like this but you were also getting real tired of his shit

don't even try bribing him (you tried buying him over with a ps5 but he just looked at you unimpressed, disgusted that you think so low of him)

the only thing he will accept is a sincere apology

if it's sincere or not is up to him to decide, obviously

which can lead to quite some bickering

will try to get you to beg but please have dignity, if you do it once he will make you do it every time

yeah generally a lttle shit but his kisses after making up are just as eager as yours so

[toushindai]

Respect and approval in the relationship between Zagreus and Megaera

So, I think a lot of people know that there's a mini storyline between Megaera and Zagreus that proceeds as follows: Megaera brusquely informs Zagreus that his victories against her "don't count" as he couldn't possibly have achieved them without Nyx's help via the mirror. If you respond to this by emptying out the mirror and fighting her, she'll remark on it. This exchange is referenced in an incredible video about Hades' dialogue system that I will link in the comments to this post (since we all know how tumblr is about links) and which I highly recommend if you haven't watched it already.

But I was surprised that the video didn't go on to highlight what is my favorite (and surely relevant to the video?) aspect of this storyline--that once you've beaten Meg like that, the followup conversation at home has three different variants based on how many gifts you've given her!

Spoilers for a lot of late-game, including post-credits, content.

The three variants are low relationship (zero gifts - five gifts); high relationship (six gifts - nine gifts); "became close" relationship (ten gifts).

At low relationship, the conversation is as follows. I apologize but I don't have screenshots for any of these; I'm taking the text from the files.

Megaera: Beaten. By you. Without the help of Nyx's mirror. You humiliated me. And now you've come to rub it in, I guess? Well, go on, then. Not like you can shame me any more. Zagreus: Meg, what is it going to take for you to quit treating me like I'm incompetent? Have I not grown even a little since we met? You were supposed to teach me something; what does that make you? Megaera: Tsch... why don't you raise your voice a little louder so that all the House can hear. Is that what you want? For everyone to know that you're superior to me? Zagreus: You're not hearing me, Meg. I know it sounds a little disingenuous considering we keep fighting to the death and all, but... I never meant to hurt you. Megaera: You give yourself far too much credit, Zagreus. Leave me alone.

At high relationship:

Megaera: Beaten. By you. Without the help of Nyx's mirror. You humiliated me. And now you've come to rub it in, I guess? Well, go on, then. Not like you can shame me any more. Zagreus: Meg, that isn't why I'm here, you know that isn't how I am. Why can't you see it? All I've ever wanted was to prove myself to you. Megaera: Tsch... you think that you can prove yourself to me by winning in a fight? Zagreus: Sometimes I think that I can never really win with you, Meg. If I held back, what would you have thought? Megaera: If you think you know me so well, Zagreus, then you ought to know better than to keep this conversation going with me, now.

(Yeah, that's "high relationship.")

At became close relationship:

Megaera: I can't believe it, Zag. I thought for sure that Nyx's mirror was the only reason you could beat me. I knew you'd changed to some extent, but... not this much. Zagreus: I had to see if I could do it, Meg. I've learned so much from you, I... thought maybe this was a way that I could prove myself to you. And to myself. Megaera: Prove yourself, to me...? You must not be as comfortable in your own skin as you let on. I can't decide if I like that about you. Now leave me alone while I give it some thought.

Which... it's better, right? It's better. It's maybe not great, still. But they are trying.

I mean so let's take this from the top. At low relationship, the conversation is fairly acrimonious on both sides. Feeling humiliated by her loss, Meg lashes out, and Zag snaps in return that if Meg's going to keep treating him like he's incompetent, it's only a reflection on her, who was supposed to teach him something. In this version of their conversation, we see the shadow of the relationship Hades pointedly engineered between the two of them raise its head, and if I were ever asked to textually back up my certainty that Meg, not only Zag, contributed to their breakup, I think I'd cite this. Meg's lack of respect for Zag is clearly a longstanding point of tension. Here, Zag feels like he's done something that ought to earn him her respect, only to be... what? Meg's first line is largely about her own insecurities rather than her opinion of Zag, but at the same time, the assumption that she should be superior, that that's the natural order of things, is baked into it. It's a serious blow to her pride that Zag has upset that natural order, and she's projecting her shame into an assumption that Zagreus is here to pettily gloat. Which is insulting, and Zagreus reacts from that place of insult.

But in his second line, as if he notices her pain, Zag is able to disengage from his anger a little (his portrait shifts from his angry "Defiant" one to his "Empathetic" one), realize that their communication is going a bit awry, and tell Meg that he doesn't mean to hurt her. This does not have the effect he possibly hoped for, and before Meg tells him to hit the bricks she says that he gives himself too much credit--by thinking that he has the capability to hurt her. Now this is a pattern with her, throughout their redeveloping relationship, even at max relationship, even once they're back together: Megaera repeatedly states that Zagreus can't hurt her. Here, it has a clear implication that she thinks Zagreus beneath her, not worth getting hurt over. ...It's absolutely belied by her humiliation in the rest of the conversation, but the scorn with which she makes the assertion is cutting and unkind.

Although... I do wonder. Especially given Zag's statement that he "never meant to hurt [her]"--that doesn't sound like he's just talking about his neat trick of getting past her darkness-free. He's referring to their past, almost certainly, and at 0-5 gifts this is well before he gets around to a proper apology or even his feelingsdump (feelingsdump, er, I'm sorry, "building trust", the "we need to talk" conversation, follows gift#6, the last nectar). What I wonder, sometimes, is--when Megaera says that Zagreus can't hurt her (boy does she love to say that.), if part of what she's saying is that Zagreus is not the only person contributing to the poor relationship between them. This is a thought on a different topic, I guess, and I'm not saying that in this conversation, she suddenly has a flash of insight that she's being kind of shitty and chases him away for that reason. Sincerely, I do think "I'm too good to be hurt by Zagreus" is an emotional habit she has for a sizeable chunk of time--perhaps one she developed as a reaction to their breakup, or as a shield against it as she saw it coming--and is what she means here. But maybe it means something else later. I certainly hope so. Because boy. she really loves to say it.

Let's talk about the variant at high relationship next. You could get this variant anywhere between the last nectar ("We may be immortals, but we're older now") and having given her the second-to-last ambrosia ("I wish I could do over how we started"). Once you give her the last ambrosia (when they drink together), you're in the territory of the final variant.

Meg's still cranky; her first line is the same as in the low relationship variant. It's Zagreus, who is at this time in the process of trying to get back in her good graces, who is less testy in response. I'd say he's clearly still hurt by her response, but he doesn't express that hurt by sniping back at her this time. Instead, he opens up, trying to make his intentions more clear, reminding her that he isn't the type to gloat. He all but says that he wants her respect. And he doesn't get it, here. Frankly, this variant is not much of an improvement on the low relationship one. Meg is less openly insulting, but it's clear that she still doesn't want to be having the conversation.

My thoughts on this variant are similar to my thoughts on some of the ambrosia conversations--and I say this as the most dedicated MegZag shipper you will ever see--in that when I see this, I'm not sure why Zagreus bothers. If, like he says, there's really no action he could take here that wouldn't end in Meg being peeved at him, what is he reaching for? He wants to prove himself to her--why? Is her approval worth having here? When Meg says (to cite the gift nine/third ambrosia conversation) that it's just a question of whether Zag is worth her time, why is it positive that Zagreus's wistful response is to ask her if he is worth her time, then?

Let me start bringing in the became close relationship variant here, starting with the last line of it, because Meg's response to Zagreus outright stating that he wants to prove himself to her is emotionally very similar to her response to Zag asking her if he is worth her time. In both cases, she seems to... not soften, exactly. She seems taken aback. She sees Zagreus's desire for her approval and his vulnerability that he lays bare in front of her, and in both cases, her response is one of uncertainty. She wants time to think about it on her own. She has kept hardening herself in response to the pain of their earlier failure (not every relationship that doesn't work out is a failure but I am quite certain she felt this way about theirs, if only because she was supposed to shape Zagreus a certain way), she hardens herself verbally and defiantly right in front of Zag's damn face, and he answers with wistful vulnerability. She tells him he can't hurt her, and he answers with "OK. But do you care about me? Could you?"

I almost wonder if Zagreus's vulnerability makes Megaera ask herself the same questions that these conversations make me ask myself. That remark she makes, that she's not sure how she feels about Zagreus's insecurity--I wonder if she's seeing how she's contributed to it, and needs time to figure out how to respond more kindly. And not just "more kindly," but in a way that's better for him. In the became close relationship conversation variant, Meg starts off in a much better mood, and offers the approval that--as we've seen in the other variants--Zagreus wants so keenly. However, when he states that as an outright motivation, I think she questions that influence she has on Zagreus, and wavers on whether or not it's a positive one, and wants to withdraw to sort out... everything about that situation. It's not an emotionally vulnerable response, maybe, but I do get the sense that it's a compassionate one.

These two are not perfect. They're coming from a background of a relationship that was arranged for them with the explicit intention of forcing Zagreus to mature--a setup that implicitly (if Hades didn't go ahead and make it explicit which, lbr, he very possibly did) defines Megaera as more mature and therefore superior. That relationship fell apart--and how could it not, with a setup like that--and some time has passed, and now they're stuck in a loop of fighting each other to the death. It's not ideal! But they cared about each other, back during their first relationship. Zagreus outright tells us that he caught feelings. Megaera talks around the same admission--through the rigidness with which she tells Zagreus and herself that they can't return to the way things were, that it isn't possible; through her admission, when Zag says he wishes he could change how they started, that she too "wish[es] for a lot of things." They cared-past-tense and they care-present-tense, but they still have emotional habits from the past, from the imposed hierarchy of their first relationship, and even in the most positive variant of Meg's response to the darkness-free victory, even in some of their biggest steps forward, we see some of those habits rear their head. It's something they have to work on and will continue to work on, I think.

And it's not a hopeless process. One of the best in-game contrasts to this dynamic is (of all things) when Megaera notices that Zagreus has made it onto the Featured Houseservant board. She remarks that never in her wildest fantasies did she imagine that Zagreus would make it up there. Zagreus, I think, doesn't know how to respond to that--he picks up the "wildest fantasies" thread rather than the compliment, bless this horny little man--but Meg is undeterred and points out that he really should be proud of such an achievement. And I think this is the perfect solution to the dilemma that is Zag's desire for Meg's approval, because Meg's uncertainty over that, her sense that it's an insecure concern, is justified. So here, she's showing that she respects his achievement but emphasizing that it's something about him, something he can and should feel intrinsic pride over, rather than just taking pleasure in her extrinsic approval.

This has gotten long (oh god it has gotten long) so I think I'll wrap up here. One of the things I love about Hades is how it doesn't force relationships to be Suddenly Great Now That The Story's Over. Hades and Zagreus are still struggling to figure out a relationship that works. Persephone isn't sure she knows how to be Zagreus's mother. Meg's still not getting along with her sisters (although it has been brought to her attention that she is as culpable in their relationship as they are). I think this point of awkwardness between Zagreus and Megaera--their having to figure out a system of mutual respect where it has not been before--is another example of that pattern. And I think they've got a shot at it. I think they can pull it off.

[thr-333]

Drastic Measures- Part 1

@daminette-december2019-2020 ​

~Inspiration~

*Emerges from my hole*: oh ho ho~ we have another month of inspiration on our hands!

Next

-------------------

Marinette steps through the portal immediately collapsing; she doesn't drop the transformation until she hears Chat drop down next to her. She calls the transformation of both the Horse and Ladybug miraculous, knowing Chat will close his eyes without her asking, Marinette does the same for him as he calls off his own.

They stay like that, panting on the rooftop. It’ll be sunrise soon, Marinette knows what she has to do.

“He’s moved,” She breaks the silence. Stating the obvious, they’ve known this for months.

“At least he wont be bothering Paris anymore,” Chat laughs, without any humor.

“But Gotham is so much worse,” Marinette groans, “We can’t keep doing this, not like we are, Spots on,”

Marinette stands letting the transformation wash over her while keeping her eyes shut, this will be easier to say without looking at him anyway.

“Chat Noir, hand over your miraculous,” Marinette recoils at the wounded sound he makes, “I have to leave Paris,”

“What? No! Claws out!” Marinette opens her eyes to see Chat, furious and with tears in his eyes, “I’m coming with you!”

She thought he would say that. Probably would have hurt if he didn’t.

“I can’t just ask you to leave your life, your friends,” Marinette chokes up, “Your family,”

“And what about you?!” Chat says with such heartbreaking sincerity, “Who will you be leaving behind!?”

“... Everyone,”

But she had put it off for too long. Hawkmoth slowed his attacks in Paris months ago, they thought he was giving up… then he attacked Gotham. The attacks in Paris stopped. The ones in Gotham were so much worse. She thought… she thought she could keep it up, jumping through a portal every time Gotham needed her. It was the best of both worlds. Her family and friends were safe and she could still defeat Hawkmoth. But nothing was ever that easy. Gotham needed her, completely, with undivided attention. Paris didn’t. Gotham needed Ladybug more than Paris needed Marinette.

“Not me,” Chat breaks Marinette from her thoughts, gently holding her shoulders, “I’m coming with you,”

She should argue. She planned to argue, every detail ever rebuttal. But she was weak. Marinette so desperately wanted him to come. To have someone, anyone there for her. No not anyone she wanted Chat by her side. Her partner through thick and thin. The one who would help her take down Hawkmoth. It was so unbelievably selfish. 

She wanted him with her more than she wanted him to live his life here.

“Chat you realize we can’t tell anyone,” They could make the connection, they would try to stop them, or worse, follow them. If they went to Gotham alone at least they wouldn't have a life outside of this, they could focus wholly on taking down Hawkmoth, and maybe finally succeed, “... we have to run away,”

“Bug a boo that's the fun part,” Chat teases, Marinette couldn't see how leaving her friends and family would be at all fun, “... sorry… I know you’re leaving a lot behind,”

“If you do this-”

“When I do this,” Marinette raises a brow at him, he does it right back.

“We should reveal our identities,”

“Oh no, what a shame,” Chat dramatically ‘faints’, “Damn that makes this so much harder,”

“You know what?” Marinette ‘thoughtfully’ taps her chin, “I can probably find a new Chat Noir,”

“No, no! Sorry,” Chat immediately stands back up, “That’s obviously not why I’m doing this,”

“I know kitty,” Marinette smiles, getting him to relax, “But you need to think this over, I’m… I’m going to go pack,”

“Don’t need to think it over,” Chat smirks, “Claws off!”

“Chat! NO!” Marinette yelps, chiding, before actually processing who it was standing before her, “Adrien?!”

“Uhh, you know me?” Adrien stands there so awkwardly Marinette just burst into laughter, “Ummm,”

“S-sorry it’s it’s just,” Marinette held her sides as she kept cracking up, “Spots off!”

Her transformation fell and at that moment Marinette couldn’t even manage to feel any anxiety at him finding out, the ‘o’ face he made was too priceless. Before she could even think of being nervous Adrien also bursts out laughing, the two ending up as wheezing messes on the rooftop. It took a long while and lots of giggling to calm down.

“Well at least I’m not leaving all my friends behind,” Marinette says to the sky, “That is if you still want to come?”

“Meet you here tomorrow Marinette,” Adrien stands up, offering a hand to Marinette, “Same time,”

“See you kitty,” Marinette waves as they part ways, for now. She had a lot she needed to do today.

Marinette doesn't sleep when she gets home. She searches deep in her draws for that special fabric she put aside. Flips through her sketchbook to find that perfect design she did once. Then gets to work making a pattern. It is well past sunrise by the time she is done. She’s late for school. It doesn't matter anymore.

Not running to class for once she makes sure her parents are free later that night. She’d like to spend all day with them, but Marinette wants to see her friends one last time. She stuffs her bag with all the presents she had made her friends for future birthdays. Might as well give them now. Lila smirks at her as she walks into class, Marinette would usually worry. It doesn't matter anymore.

“Hey girl, I was wondering, Lila said some-” Marinette cuts her off, handing Alya a pile of wrapped gifts.

“Hi, sorry I’ve been busy, kind of went into a design frenzy,” Marinette laughs sheepishly, “I was going to give them at your birthday, but I just couldn't wait,”

“Awe, girl this is amazing!” Alya holds up the jacket Marinette made a few months ago, she hugs Marinette tight, “See I told you, Lila, Marinette's just been busy!”

“Too busy to make me anything, I’m sure,” Lila says, teary eyed.

“Actually no,” Marinette smiles, enjoying the utterly shocked look.

“I made this to welcome you to the class, but then you went to Achu,” Marinette places it down with open hostility, “And, well, there wasn't really an opportunity after that,”

After that Lila has a hard time trying to twist it against her. Even the complaints that the bandanna is so much smaller than everyone else's gifts is weak as it has beautiful embroidery of a fox and ladybug, everyone cooing over how sweet and personal the design is. Back when Marinette actually believed her lie that they could start over and be friends. It also was hard to turn anyone against Marinette as she handed out presents to anyone that walked through the door. Laughing and apologizing for her absence lately, claiming the whole time she was making things for them.

When Adrien came to class they both tried to stifle their laughter. Marinette only gave him one thing, so as not to be suspicious. It would help to have all new clothes when they ran away, she would give the rest to him then. It was a scarf, one she made a while ago with the new addition of a green cat paw in the corner.

Marinette, for all intents and purposes, felt wonderful for the rest of the day. She caught up with her friends, felt closer to them than she had in a while actually. They talked and laughed, Marinette for once not encouraging them to keep quiet, joking along with them, and taking a million pictures. Madame bustier didn't complain much, after all, she had an all-new makeup bag plus more.

It was fun. And the ‘see you tomorrow’ was hollow.

Marinette was dreading going back home. She asked for a special dinner that night, saying she had a special surprise to show them. And special it was, Marinette had made a new dress for her Maman, a more casual version of her wedding dress, with a special Marinette flare, plus a matching outfit for her Papa. They smiled saying it was beautiful, just as they had with her very first design and everything she made since then. They ate together and played video games together.

Marinette asked to look at old photo albums and they spent the rest of the night pouring over them. If she slipped a few out to take with her, neither noticed.

“I love you both,” Marinette hugs them tight, imagining she’ll never see them again.

Even if they do defeat Hawkmoth, Marinette's not sure she’ll make it through the fight. She could be gone for years, or maybe never return to Paris. Marinette didn’t know if she’d ever see them again, this could be it.

“We love you too,” Her Maman smiles, cupping her cheek, “Now go to bed we don't want you to be late for school tomorrow,”

Sorry I will be

Marinette just nods, hugging them one last time before heading upstairs. She packs her bag, full of newly brought or made clothes, clothes for Adrien, food, and whatever cash she had on hand. She leaves a note, saying there's something she has to do, that she loves them both and this is in no way their fault, not to look for her but Marinette doubts they’ll listen. She grabs her bag and the miracle box, saying goodbye to her home and disappearing into the night with Tikki.

By the time she meets up with Adrien Marinette is a sobbing mess. They hug each other. Adrien's not crying but she can sense the deep sadness in him. Tikki hugs her too, getting Marinette to calm down.

“So what’s the plan?”

“Go to Gotham,” Marinette shrugs, that was really the extent of it.

“We have nowhere to go,” Chat hums, trying to act nonchalant about everything, 

“I guess this means we’re homeless,” Marinette shrugs again, she had really only planned this for herself, and none of that seemed like a concern.

“We can find an abandoned warehouse, set up shop,”

“Either way we’re going to be pretty busy,” Constantly on the run, either running from someone or running after someone.

“Well, you know what they say,” Chat smirks, “We’ll sleep when this bastard is taken down,”

“You know it,” Marinette smiles, genuinely this time, “Pound it?”

“Pound it,”

 ---

 “After last week we can indeed confirm these attacks are occurring,”

“Oh sure it wasn't like I told you a month ago,” Jason scoffs, getting glared at by Bruce for interrupting.

“Well you have to admit ‘this guy came and destroyed ten blocks’ is pretty unbelievable when everything’s unscratched,” Tim continues to tap away at his computer, “And now we know the cause,”

The footage was shakily taken from the next building over, partly destroyed. With a bright light everything was fixed.

“Magic,” Dick says needlessly.

“Meta humans,” Batman growls, “Not approved and playing at being heroes,”

“Can we really complain if they fix everything after a fight?” Duke speaks up, “The police didn't even report any casualties, they don’t seem to be rookies,”

“Magic makes them reckless,” Batman shuts the argument down, “More so if they can fix everything, what happens when they can’t?”

“So basically you want them out,” Damian cuts in, there was no point arguing over it for however long, Bruce wouldn't allow them to keep roaming the city.

“Yes,” Bruce fixes them all with a hard stare, making it clear this is an order, “When you come in contact tell them they are to leave or be removed,”

They all agreed. Damian wishes he didn’t have to waste his time worrying about some second rate wannabes thinking they could challenge Batman for the protection of Gotham. They couldn't. What did they have that Batman didn’t?

 ---

 A lot was the answer. 

Or this particular new villain. It didn’t make any sense, usually, first time villains were easier to deal with, but no, here Robin was watching as Batman fought a losing battle against them. It didn’t help that they were brainwashing civilians, turning them against the rest. Robin was given very specific instructions not to harm them. Hard when they had no such orders.

Robin barely processes that Batman is thrown through a building before the main villain is turning to him. At least he could use more drastic measures with the actual villain, unsheathing his sword Robin lunges. He trades a few blows, unfortunately doing less damage than the villain can do with a singular super powered punch. With super strength, magic and Gotham citizens being steadily taken over this was looking more like a Justice league threat by the second. Everytime the villains should be down for the count they got back up, Damian couldn't find their weakness.

Robin knows he took a wrong step as the villain doesn't rush forward to take advantage but shoots out a beam, the same one Damian had just watch turn a civilian against the rest of his family. And he has no leverage to dodge. This would be so much worse than the civilians, setting his strength against the others? Without concern for killing them? Would Damian remember?

“Watch out!” A wire wraps around Robin, yanking him out of the way. He falls at someone's feet the wire slipping away, he can hear it whirling above him. 

Damian sits up, looking to who grabbed him, ready to fight if necessary, and- Loses his breath.

She's standing over him protectively, a makeshift wire shield repelling the beams that had been causing them so much trouble with ease. Like it was second nature. She looks down at him and smiles so gently, without a hint of fear or worry. Promising she has everything under control.

There's something to be said of Batman's intimidating, steady nature. It can put people at ease in its own way and be even more effective at cutting down enemies with a glare. But this? This is warmth, assurance, a steady appearance more in line with Wonder Woman yet still completely it’s own.

“You alright?” She holds out a hand for him.

Damian snaps out of it taking her hand startling at how she actually lifts him up without any effort on his part.

“Chat you ready?”

“Ready my Lady!”

My lady? Who’s Chat?

His answer comes a second later as a spotted container comes crashing down, fracturing the street. In an instant, the wire wraps around the container a hundred times over.

“Now!” My Lady commands.

“Cataclysm!” Chat yells out, the container crumbles under his touch, wire moving in to constrict around the villain.

The villain thrashes, still being able to send out beams wildly and with their minions closing in. Chat breaks off to fend them all off while Robin tries to catch his breath, Batman still in the rubble of a building. My Lady can’t hold the villain back and fight at the same time. Damian struggles to stand up and help her.

“Lucky charm replay!” 

Robin cringes at the bright light then watches as another spotted object falls into her hands. It’s a bent tube she looks around for a few seconds before holding it up. Damian rushes forward as a beam races towards her and she makes no effort to dodge. She catches it with the tube sending it back to the villain, it hits them square in the chest with no effect. Lady nods to herself before doing the same with the next beam. This time robin watches as it misses the villain, grazing their ear and sending their ear peice flying off.

“Chat!”

“On it!” Chat Noir catches the earring from midair, calling cataclysm again turning it to dust.

Damian watches not willing to let his jaw drop as the hideous villain transforms into a normal civilian. It’s such an intriguing sight that Robin startles when something flies towards Chat Noir snatching a purple butterfly from the air and pulling it back to My Lady. A few seconds later a white butterfly is flying out a… yo yo?

“Bye bye little butterfly,” She waves the glowing white butterfly away.

That was so cute

“Who are you?” Batman demands having just recovered, motioning for them to circle around them.

“Uh, your welcome,” Chat Noir scoffs, helping the previous villain up.

“I am Ladybug, this is my partner Chat Noir,” Partner? “We’re the previous heroes of Paris,”

“Paris has no heroes,” Batman glares at them, civilians around them still closing in Robin turns his defenses towards them.

“Then that makes the past what six? Seven? Years really awkward,” Chat Noir looks at Ladybug who shrugs, a civilian takes a swing at her she dodges smoothly before throwing the pipe in the air.

“Miraculous Ladybug!” Now Robin's jaw does drop as a thousand glowing ladybugs swarm around the nearby buildings, maybe all of Gotham not even leaving a scratch behind.

“Why are you in Gotham now then?” Batman recovers first, civilians nearby blinking back into reality.

“Hawkmoth has moved his operations to Gotham to feed off the negative emotions here,” well there’s plenty of that here “It makes his Akuma more powerful and we can no longer continue to operate from Paris,”

“Then he’s in Gotham now and is my problem,” our problem “I can handle this,”

“Well you did a great job of that,” Chat Noir rolls his eyes, leaning on his staff, “How's your back by the way?”

“Chat Noir,”  Ladybug scowls, then turns to Batman, “You can’t and it’s my responsibility as Ladybug and as guardian of the miraculous,”

“What's that-”

Nightwing is interrupted by a beeping from Chat Noir's ring.

“It would be that, we have to go now,” Chat Noir salutes moving to leave, they tighten their circle surrounding them.

“You will leave Gotham,” Batman demands, this time its Ladybugs turn to glare she tsks and rounds on him, not managing to seem that threatening in her brightly colored costume.

“You don’t know who Hawkmoth is, you don’t know what Akuma are, you don't know about the miraculous, you have no clue about the guardians, you hadn't heard of whats been happening in Paris for years and you don’t know who we are or what we’ve done,” Batman is shocked under the forces of the heroine's righteous fury, “There are things going on here that you don't understand, we are here to stay until hawkmoth is defeated,”

Robin watches as she leaves a shell shocked Batman behind dissapering into Gotham’s night with her partner.

Inspiring

 —-

 “And why can’t they be in Gotham?” Damian demands from him yet again.

“No metahumans,” Bruce sighs, Damian had been unreasonably stubborn on this front, “They only cause more damage,”

“Actually they repaired a lot,” Damian leans over the desk to glare over that him, “And saved you,”

“Go to bed,” Bruce demands, Alfred busy patching up his wounds. Damian scoffs before storming out of the cave, still half in his robin uniform, “Whats wrong with him?”

“I couldn’t say, master Bruce,” Usually for Alfred that meant he knew exactly what was going on. He tied the final bandage before holding the phone out, “There's a call for you,”

Bruce shrugs on his shirt before answering. It wasn't the phone reserved for business so at least it wouldn't be that big a pain in the neck.

“Bruce,”

Never mind

“Talia,” Bruce growls, going to glare at Alfred who had already made himself scarce, “What do you want?”

“Oh please I’m not up to anything sinister,” Bruce can just imagine her waving him off with a smirk, “This time,”

“But you still want something,” Bruce acknowledged, sinister or not she can cause a lot more trouble without being out too.

“A missing person case, a friend of mine got in touch, her daughter ran away yesterday, l thought it would be right up your alley,”

“Why would you tell me this,” There was obviously more to this, there always was with Talia, “And more importantly why do you care,”

“Oh because she’s Sabine's daughter,” Bruce freezes, a million case files and reports flashing through his mind, none of which outlined a daughter let alone a family, “Surely you’ve heard of Sabine?”

“... We’re on the case,”

“Great, good luck~”

Now he has to worry about potentially one of the most dangerous assassins in the world on the loose. A shift in the shadows catches his eye before disappearing. Great. And now the whole family knew, or would soon.

---------------------

Taglist? nope don’t have one, horrible at keeping track of them sorry~

[sparring-hyena]

Ok i got a request . Remember how Chris Kait and James got those special 1 chapter episodes where they go on special dates. It would be cool to see Beccas. So its set after Book 3. Instead of going to the festival with the gang Mc decides to visit Becca first at her lakehouse and then they go to the festival just her and Becca. They ll share lots of sweet moments at the pool more fun at the concert and later on at home things can get a bit heated.

Becca reaches for her phone with the intent to scroll through her social feeds. really, she does. opening her messaging app is a reflex. opening the short text thread she has with Alex is just an accident. and typing out a hey, what’re you up to? is… a mistake? some kind of predetermined notion written into the fabric of reality?

whatever. it doesn’t matter what it is. no, what matters is that she does, send a text to Alex that is, and that she tosses her phone to the other side of couch as soon as she hits send, almost like it burns her hands.

she stares at her phone, waits for it to react to what she just did—maybe it’ll implode. she’s almost surprised when her phone buzzes a few minutes later. and she’ll never admit to just how fast she jumps forward to snatch it up.

it’s Alex. Alex responded. okay. cool cool cool.

my friends and i are on a road trip. we’ve just passed into California. you?

the you? twists itself into Becca’s mind. slips into every nook and cranny until it’s she can think and feel, and her heart is going ba-dum ba-dum and she definitely can’t just say oh, not much. just by myself at my dad’s lake house because he’s trying to buy my love now that my parents are getting divorced. except she does say that. word for word. it tumbles from her mind onto her phone and then she hits send and holds her breath in her throat as she waits for Alex’s response.

want some company then?

and what really surprised Becca is that she answers with yes.

-

in the days leading up to Alex’s arrival she cleans. not that there’s much to clean—the house is big, and she’s kept to one small part of it. she also rifles through her closet and decides, an hour before Alex is due to arrive, that she doesn’t have anything to wear. the clothes laying forgotten on her bed disagree, but she ignores that and feels the anxiety twist itself around her.

and then her phone buzzes and there’s a knock at the door. Alex is here. Alex is early.

shit.

she tosses on the first thing she can grab and runs her hands through her hair before darting down to the front door.

when Becca opens the door, Alex greets her with a warm smile that simultaneously calms and frightens. frightens, because how does her smile have such an effect on me. they stand awkwardly in the doorway until Alex clears her throat and asks, “did you wanna invite me in?”

“right.” Becca steps aside and motions Alex in.

Alex whistles as she looks around, still holding her bag in front of her. “nice place.”

Becca shrugs, because it is nice, stunning really, but the house doesn’t feel quite right—it never really has. it’s big and empty and somehow always manages to be cold even during summer.

“come on, i’ll show you around.”

-

it’s as they walk through the house that Becca realises she’s not quite sure what they are. they aren’t enemies, and now she wonders if they ever actually were. and they definitely aren’t dating. dating implies some level of commitment that Becca doubts she could ever really give. and then there would be intimacy and comfort and little inside jokes that they’d share quiet smiles over.

but that doesn’t matter anyway because she would never want to date Alex—never ever. dating Alex would be complicated and messy and she has a reputation and expectations that Alex doesn’t fit and—

“you doin’ alright there?”

“huh?” Becca shakes the thoughts away.

Alex tilts her head to the side and offers a small curious smile that manages to worm its way into Becca’s heart and find a place for itself amidst all the dark twisty tendrils that have been growing with each passing day.

“why are you looking at me like that?” Becca asks, her tone both defensive and amused.

“like what?”

“like you’re trying to read my mind.”

“i’m not, i just—” Alex sighs and Becca suddenly wonders what she’d been about to say. “you mentioned swimming?”

“swimming, right.” Becca knows a digression when she hears one, but she points to a room Alex can get changed in and says she’ll meet her downstairs.

-

Becca doesn’t actually swim. she sits on the edge of the dock beneath the dying afternoon sun and traces the water with her toes. Alex swims though, splashes around for a short while and tries to gently prod Becca in too. but Becca holds firm and insists that she’s more than happy on the dock.

Alex climbs out later, dripping water onto the dock and creating a small puddle that manages to spread and reach Becca’s leg. she pretends Alex dripping water on her irritates her and pretends to hate it when she flicks water at her.

Alex sits down beside her, and Becca thinks she’s waiting for her to break the silence that’s comfortably settled between them.

“do you wanna talk about it?” Alex finally asks.

Becca wonders which it they’re talking about—her parents’ divorce or the fact that some fundamental piece of their relationship or friendship or whatever they are, is changing. maybe it’s both. maybe it’s neither.

“thank you for visiting me,” she says instead. “i’m sure it pales in comparison to a road trip with your friends.”

“hardly.” Alex smiles and nudges Becca’s shoulder with her own. “we were all cramped in a van that doesn’t have working a/c. besides, i like hanging out with you, it’s…”

Becca raises her eyebrows, curious and nudging Alex on.

“easy.”

Becca laughs, like, full body laughs. never in her life has she been described as easy to be around.

“what’s so funny?”

“nothing, nothing.” Becca tries to suppress her laughter, but it doesn’t work.

“i was trying to be nice.” Alex makes a show of being hurt, even makes to leave, but the smile on her face tells a very different story.

“no, sorry.” Becca places her hand gently on Alex’s arm; wants her to believe the sincerity behind her words. “it was nice and i didn’t mean to laugh. i’ve just never been described as easy before, and with everything going on, i guess it’s been a while since something’s made me laugh.”

“oh.” Alex settles on the dock again and Becca’s hand remains on her arm. “are you talking with your parents much?”

Becca shrugs. “mom’s trying. i think we’re both just having a hard time adjusting to speaking to each other. it’s been good but strange.”

“and your dad?”

Becca barks out a laugh. “i think he’s just as clueless. only difference is he’s not making much of an effort. my sister and i were supposed to spend some time with him here over the summer. look how that turned out.”

“i’m sorry.”

“i don’t need pity—”

“i wasn’t pitying you.”

“i know, but it’s just…”

“just…?”

and Alex’s arm is suddenly very warm beneath Becca’s hand. warm and solid and grounding and— they’ve done this before. played this game where they share their insecurities and offer something dangerously close to companionship.

it won’t end well, she thinks, but her heart thumps along and tells her to indulge just this once. what’s one more time anyway?

“we shouldn’t,” Becca breathes, because one of them needs to say it.

“probably,” Alex agrees, but neither of them move to put some space between them.

“but we could.”

“definitely.”

“it would be” —amazing is the word she thinks— “fun,” is the word she says with a playful lilt to her voice that she hopes distracts from the longing want she can feel in her bones.

they’re closer now, faces no more than a couple inches apart, and the air around them feels stiff somehow, like the world around them took one massive breath and is now waiting for them to do something about the balloon of tension that’s been slowly inflating for months.

and then the balloon bursts, and there’s kissing and moaning and wandering hands and— oh god, Becca suddenly remembers why she wanted to do this again. it feels like electricity zapping up and down her body. it hurts and it heals, and she wonders if they’ll ever do this again—silently hopes that they will.

she pulls Alex closer, decides that it’s still not enough—some tiny part of her heart hums and says that it never will be—and moves to straddle her lap and thread her fingers through her hair.

“here?” Alex asks between frantic and hurried kisses.

Becca hums and urges Alex’s hands further down her body.

it happens quickly after that. the coil inside Becca tightens each time Alex moves her fingers and moans her name and nips at her neck and— it snaps. the coil snaps and its wonderful and horrible and Becca is suddenly acutely aware of the place Alex holds in her heart.

and that— it terrifies her, because for the first time in her life she has no idea how it will go.

-

they head back up to the house not long later, stumbling through the first floor and upstairs as they share laughs and kisses. and when they reach the foot of the bed, Becca pushes Alex back and is quick to return the favour.

-

Becca wakes early in the morning on her side and facing Alex who’s fast asleep and completely dead to the world. she takes this moment, this brief interlude, to consider her next move.

the last time they did this, she left as soon as she woke up. though leaving isn’t exactly an option right now, and Becca finds that even if it were, leaving is the last thing she wants to do.

she brings her hand to Alex’s face and brushes a loose piece of hair behind her ear. the gesture, though small, is enough to cause Alex to stir.

“hi,” Alex says, her voice heavy with sleep and eyes barely open.

“hi.”

“you were right,” she says, sporting a tired grin, “it was fun.”

Becca hums and shifts closer to Alex, tracing lazy patterns on her shoulder. “how long can you stay?”

“how long do you want me to stay?”

“i asked you first.”

“so?”

“humour me.”

their back-and-forth is light, airy. it’s how they usually talk. but there’s insecurity that hides beneath it all. insecurity that itches to be breathed into the world and soothed away.

“well, my friends and i were going to the aurora music festival tomorrow.”

“oh.”

“but maybe, if you wanted to, you could come with?”

“are you asking me to go with you?”

“i asked you first.”

Becca smacks Alex’s shoulder but can’t stop the smile on her face. “yes, i want to go.”

“good” —Alex leans in then, stops only when their lips are just about to touch— “because i really want you to come with me.”

“is that so?”

Alex hums and brings their lips together in a slow and easy kiss that Becca’s all too happy to get lost in.

“wait, hang on.” Alex pulls away, a suddenly serious expression on her face. “you didn’t tell me how long you wanted me to stay.”

forever is the word she thinks, but she just smiles and brings their lips together again, and she thinks that Alex might just understand.

[everything-laito]

About the theory that maybe Laito doesn't like to be touched as much as he says he does.

This was submitted by @grs-wonder320! I did not edit anything in their response (or the title), I just added paragraph breaks so it's easier to read. I'll put my response below as well!

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I am not the one who asked this question, but I would like to take this opportunity to express my personal opinion on this question. As it turns out, I have a completely different opinion than Corn. That is to say, I believe that there is a good chance that Laito does not like to be touched.

Rationale: I believe that there is a psychology of "excessive pandering to those things that are disgusting or painful to you," and I think that this psychology makes us appear to be happy on the surface, even though we actually dislike them. There are many exceptions to this rule. You may be thinking, "No, no, there are many exceptions to this rule. It is true that this rule does not apply in all situations. It mainly works when he is playing a pervert. So, why does he dare to act perverted in the first place? Most of the time, it's because he wants to be smoked out by the people around him. Why do you want to be smoked? ↓ I don't want to attract them to myself. ↓ Even though he doesn't want to be around other people, he is very sociable (compared to the people around him, that is). So it's hard to imagine why he is annoyed by human relationships like Subaru. ↓ Then there is a good chance that they want to hide something or smoke you out because there is something they don't want you to know. ↓ There is often a pattern of people who want to hide the fact that they are actually perverts, so they pretend to be sane on the surface.

In other words, the Laito that is ostensibly acting as a pervert is _____? Yes, that's what I mean. (What do you mean?) It's almost impossible to play a pervert to hide a pervert, isn't it? Most of the time, people play a false image to hide the opposite nature. In Laito's case, considering what happened in the past, it can be seen as "I'm acting perverted because I want to hide the fact that I'm hurt, and I don't want to be aware that I'm hurt, so I'm acting perverted as a self-suggestion.

There are not many people who can be sincerely friendly to the events that hurt them. In the first place, being "hurt" proves that there was something disgusting about you, so we can conclude that Laito is likely to have an aversion to sexual things. I think this explains the psychology that exists in Laito. Back to the topic at hand, I think it's hard to believe that Laito likes to be touched.

In Corn's answer, he used the example of "Laito trying to get me to touch him", which I think can also be explained by the aforementioned psychology. I, too, have a desire to challenge things I dislike (although this is due to overcoming my weaknesses and seeing things that scare me, and is not the same as Laito's), so I think it is entirely possible for someone to "dare to do something they dislike. Also, there is a high possibility that Laito is not aware of his own aversion to sexual matters, and if that is the case, everything is "true" in his mind, so naturally he would not be aware that he is doing something he dislikes. It could be called an unconscious act of self-harm. In the real world, you can only be aware of it when someone points it out to you, or you break your body by going over the limit. I think Laito has that kind of thing too. (Especially Laito in MB). This concludes the explanation. Thank you very much for reading this far!

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First of all, I'm unsure what you mean by "smoking out," If you could provide clarification on that, that would be great! I think I know what you mean by it, I'm just a lil confused and hope I didn't misinterpret it!

I do agree with you on your psychology on the excessive pandering part! That's exactly what Laito does most of the time, it's what fuels his facade! As for touching, I do think that speculating it could go either way. I do think Laito is touch starved though. Sure people who are touch starved might not want to be touched. I have thought about it since I made that post and honestly, he might want to be touched just like he wants to have genuine love, but he's insecure about it almost.

However, if he was excessively pandering about being touched, he might have done that more often. The only time where he asks Yui to touch him throughout the entire HDB game is only in that supposed mutual masturbation scene, and his heaven scenario. He is known to have a masochistic streak regardless. The other times its Yui either pushing him or slapping him etc. (I'm planning on going over his masochism on a later date)

Laito excessively panders when he says absolutely wild shit that makes others uncomfortable, or gets Yui to be unnerved.

In my previous post, I did say that he could be playing it up! But the fact that he doesn't have Yui touch him until late game does say something. It shows that he's opening up and being more vulnerable. Sure this is HDB Laito and we don't really get much of his facade cracking in that game compared to MB+. Late game HDB Laito is able to let down his guard slightly, since he knows he has Yui wrapped around his finger. The thing is, his excessive pandering to him being a pervert is typically used for manipulation. Your psychology checks out in everything else about him, I do agree with that. But as for touching, that doesn't really "prove" to Yui that Laito's a pervert.

If Laito wanted to utilize touch as a facade of control, he would have done it earlier. Instead, he used other methods to give Yui a false sense of security at times, which he used to break her down further. Could he be doing it in order to show Yui he doesn't have a weakness? He could, but once again when it comes to topics or situations where he doesn't want to be involved with, he acts aloof and avoids it at all costs while changing the conversation. That's my rationale on that. The fact that he has such a different reaction being touched vs his other activities that could be considered as "excessive pandering" is a lil ~sus~ as they say. Or inversely, maybe Laito doen't address the fact that he likes being touched because he might consider genuine thrill as a weakness but maybe he gets desperate. He's desperate for legitimate compassion, the mans needs it.

As for challenging things you dislike, that also checks out in general. However, when it comes to Laito, he likes a sense of control and security. Instructing Yui to touch him gives that sense of control, but also lets him be slightly vulnerable. It's not even that vulnerable because if she does anything that could potentially harm Laito, he would be able to stop it in an instant.

He doesn't like challenging himself, and we all know this. His facade was created so he doesn't have to challenge himself to get over his past trauma. It's to avoid it and not challenge it instead.

I do think that Laito is incredibly self aware and self unaware at the same time. It's a little paradoxical but I feel like he knows he has a facade, but again, he tries to avoid the fact that he does have one and that his facade is true. We do know he's self aware through drama cds and what he says about himself in the games. They're vague, but once you know his character, you know what he's talking about. The fact that he projects onto Yui also says a lot about that.

Also, a little side note as well, in MB he does have consensual sex with Yui. Before that scene happened, he was being extremely vulnerable and a good chunk of his facade broke down. There's a certain tone when you know Laito's being serious and taking down his mask, and that's exactly what he did in that MB scene. Here's a quote from it:

Laito: For some reason, I feel strangely refreshed. Don’t you think that’s weird? I couldn’t get your blood out of my head for the longest time, but it finally calmed down. Right now, it isn’t your blood, but instead I want to hold your warm body close like this… And kiss you…I want to indulge in your body until I’m sick and tired of it. Nfu~

In this scene, Laito was happy crying, which was something he was not familiar with but also hasn't experienced before. It's an involuntary bodily function, yet he was confused by it. This just shows he is genuinely happy, and the fact that he says that he genuinely is admitting to what he wants for once, I don't think it's excessive pandering in this scene, it's him developing. You could argue that he got over his aversion to being touched in this scene. There's a couple asks in my ask box that's related to him and sex, which I will also get to sometimes this week. But that's a different post.

Again I think it could be argued either way, but that's my thought process behind this aside from what I previously said! There's just a lot to think about when it comes to this, and we won't know unless if something is said in canon! But Laito's incredibly complex and there's several factors that explains his behavior.

Hope that makes sense! And once again, thanks so much for submitting! I love hearing people's opinions and their own thoughts that either confirm or challenge my own, so thank you for that! This one definitely got me thinking more. That's the beauty in analysis! Each person takes something different from the text!

And who knows, maybe I’ll change my mind in the future!

[nicknellie]

It’s nearly two in the morning and I just spent an hour writing a Flarrie idea that’s been rattling around my head for weeks, so here you go. It’s essentially both Flynn and Carrie having no idea how romance works. Enjoy.

Smiley Faces and Love Hearts

The notes were really starting to get on Carrie’s nerves. Every time she opened her locker a scrappy piece of paper would flutter to the ground, ripped around the edges and so heavily doodled on that the lines on it were hardly visible. And every time she would sigh and pick it up, read through it, roll her eyes, and throw it in the bin. She wouldn’t have minded the notes if they had been a little nicer. As it was, each and every one of the notes so far had been an insult.

That morning’s note was no different. Carrie was already having a bad day - she had quite literally woken up on the wrong side of bed and ended up stubbing her toe (which was still throbbing almost an hour later), then she had spilled coffee down her favourite top and hadn’t had time to change, so she’d improvised and pulled a jumper on without really looking at it. When she was already halfway to school she had realised that she had forgotten to bring all of the music she’d spent the weekend working on for the Dirty Candi rehearsal that afternoon and sworn loudly in frustration; that had earned her a stern talking-to from an old lady who happened to be passing and thought Carrie had aimed the swear at her. Because of that she had ended up late for school.

And then came the note.

It fell out of her locker the moment she opened it and began drifting to the ground. She snatched it midair and smoothed out its creases. Carrie knew that reading the note would only make her feel worse, but she couldn’t help it. Her curiosity got the better of her and she read the single word scrawled messily amongst doodles of flowers and love hearts.

Demon.

Should’ve guessed it would be something like that, she thought bitterly, scowling as she scrunched the note up again and flung it into the nearby bin. All the other notes had been equally nasty things, many of them worse, but all had been surrounded by those infuriatingly happy doodles - smiley faces, hearts with arrows stuck through them, beautiful swirly patterns that took up half the paper. It was almost as if the person sending the notes was happy to insult Carrie, like they thought it was a game.

Carrie knew who was sending the notes, of course. There was only one person who had the gall to say that sort of thing to her face, and sending the little notes was only a step away. It had to be Flynn - she was the only one who ever felt able to talk back to Carrie in any way.

That was the worst part because that very thing was probably why Carrie liked Flynn so much. So many people were intimidated by her because of who her dad was and her status, and a lot of people only wanted to talk to her so that they could say they were friends with the Carrie Wilson. It made things quite lonely sometimes - she knew she always had Nick and Dirty Candi by her side, that they were true friends, but knowing that other people weren’t interested in her for the right reasons always stung. That was what made Flynn so different, so charming; she wasn’t intimidated by Carrie, she was willing to put up a fight, and she didn’t want to hang around her just to say that she did. For the most part, Flynn treated her like she treated everyone else, a normal human being.

Except for the notes. The notes, admittedly, were a downside. The worst part wasn’t that Flynn was sending these little notes, it was that Carrie couldn’t work out why. They hadn’t been friends for about a year now and had mostly stayed out of one another’s way, so she had no idea why Flynn was suddenly popping notes in her locker. She wondered if it was to get her attention - but why could Flynn possibly want that?

On a normal day, the note calling her a demon wouldn’t have been too much of a bother. Read it, ignore it, chuck it away and be done with it. But that day, after everything bad that had happened that morning, it really hurt. Carrie didn’t often cry, least of all at school where people would see her doing it, but she found herself blinking back tears that stung at her eyes, forcing herself not to let them fall.

“Hey Carrie,” came an unhelpfully chipper voice from behind her. Flynn’s voice. Because of course she chose today of all days to come and talk to Carrie. “I was just wondering if you happened to find anything in your lo— Hey, are you okay?”

Carrie rolled her eyes. She’d never been a subtle crier. If she was guessing correctly, her face was currently bright pink, her eyes glittering with tears like the sea, and she had been sniffling far too loudly for a minute straight. She wiped roughly at her eyes, trying to dispel the tears.

“Go away,” she told Flynn. “Whatever you’re here to say, I don’t care.”

Flynn looked utterly stumped, like she had no idea what to do. This was probably the opposite of what she had been prepared for - she had most likely expected to find Carrie, annoy her for a little while, unsubtly bring up the subject of the notes, and dip out again. She wouldn’t have been prepared for Carrie to be in tears.

“Do you... do you wanna talk about it?” Flynn ventured. Carrie had never heard anyone sound so uncomfortable. She shot Flynn a glare like a knife and Flynn shrugged as if to say ‘yeah, that’s fair’.

“I don’t have time for you,” Carrie spat, being nasty because right then it felt good in a bitter way. It felt right to take her anger out on Flynn. “If you’ve got something to say then spit it out and let me get on with my day.”

“Carrie...” Flynn said quietly. She might have been imagining it, but Carrie was sure she heard something resembling concern in Flynn’s tone. But it was gone as soon as it had come because a moment later Flynn had composed herself and said, “Your sweater is inside-out,” before walking down the hall, back the way she’d come.

Carrie muttered a swear under her breath and stalked off in the opposite direction.

*

It was the strangest thing. For about a week after that day, the notes stopped. Carrie wondered if Flynn had finally taken the hint that she wasn’t going to rise to whatever game Flynn thought she was playing. Perhaps she had finally seen it was annoying and it wasn’t a good way to get Carrie’s attention (if that was what she wanted - Carrie still had no clue why she might have). She thought that was the end of it, that they could go back to ignoring each other.

Until exactly one week after the incident, a note fluttered out of Carrie’s locker.

She frowned and picked it up. This one was already a little different to the others - the first notes had all been scrunched into untidy balls, but this one was neatly folded. Carrie cast a quick glance around the corridor, seeing if Flynn happened to be nearby. Presumably it was still her sending the notes. But there was no sign of Flynn in amongst the crowd of other students, so Carrie opened the note and read it. Then she read it again. And again. And again. And each time she read it she became more and more confused.

Smile! Today’s going to be a good day.

It didn’t make any sense. It made less sense than the unnecessary insults. Was Flynn mocking her? Had she planned something for later that would make Carrie’s day considerably less good? Was this some new form of insult that Carrie was unfamiliar with? She doubted the last idea, she was practically the queen of insults. And she couldn’t work out for the life of her how this was supposed to be mean.

And yet the idea that it was sincere was even stranger.

Still, she pocketed the note and tried to push it to the back of her mind. She tried not to let her mind linger on how weird it was that Flynn’s demeanour had so suddenly changed from cruel to encouraging. She tried to ignore the butterflies it awoke in her stomach. She simply tried to forget that Flynn had suddenly started being nice. But over the next few weeks, the nice notes kept coming and Carrie kept getting more confused.

Sending positive vibes :)

Your DC gig last night was great!

Good luck for your English exam later, you’ll kill it.

Your outfit looks amazing today!

None of it made any sense. Especially the last note - Flynn wouldn’t have even seen her outfit when she wrote the note. Carrie kept each of the kind notes because they gave her a warm and fuzzy feeling in her heart that she didn’t want to admit to, but she still was utterly clueless about what it meant.

It went on for weeks. Carrie’s birthday came around, and in her locker that morning she found a birthday card. It was filled with smiley faces and birthday best wishes and for once, unlike all the other notes, Flynn had signed it. She and Flynn hadn’t been friends properly for a year, and the idea that Flynn still remembered when her birthday was sent her mind into overdrive.

After a month or so, Carrie finally got the nerve to approach Flynn after school one day and get to the bottom of it all. It had remained a mystery for too long.

“Flynn,” she called, seeing Flynn a little way across Los Feliz’s car park, walking side by side with Julie. Both of them turned to look when Carrie shouted and she felt herself blush a little. “Wait up.”

Both girls stopped walking and let Carrie catch up with them. Julie had a smirk on her face, looking like she knew far too much. It didn’t sit well with Carrie. Flynn on the other hand looked far too casual and collected to actually be calm at all. She was smiling in that over-the-top, fake way she had been when she and Julie randomly came over to Carrie’s house that one time, seemingly just to spill water everywhere and show Carrie and Nick pictures of raccoons.

“I want to talk to you,” Carrie said, forgetting formalities and not beating around the bush.

“Okay,” Flynn replied with a shrug, “what’s up?”

“Just you,” Carrie said awkwardly. She cast a glance at Julie, half-apologetic, but Julie didn’t seem to mind.

“It’s cool,” she said dismissively. “I’ve got to get to rehearsal with the guys anyway. I’ll see you later, Flynn.”

Carrie waited for Julie to have walked far enough away so that she wouldn’t hear what they were talking about. Flynn looked awkward, shuffling about from side to side, fiddling with the strap of her bag. Carrie suddenly didn’t know what she wanted to say.

“Right,” she said, trying to sound organised and matter-of-fact, but coming across as a little bit frantic just with that one word. She reached into her pocket, pulled out a handful of the nice notes Flynn had left her, and shoved them into Flynn’s hand. “Those.”

Flynn raised an eyebrow. “What about them?”

“You’ve been leaving notes in my locker,” she began. Suddenly she felt unsure of herself despite knowing that it had to be Flynn. It was too late to back out now, so she powered through. “They started out as insults and then you stopped for a week and then they became... nice. And kind. Those are the kind ones. And you gave me a birthday card.”

“Yeah,” Flynn said, like it should have been obvious. “What’s your point?”

Carrie threw up her hands exasperatedly. “I don’t get it! Why are you doing it? What’s going on?”

Flynn had the audacity to look amused. Her little smirk, adorable as it was, just made Carrie angrier.

“I thought you’d figure it out with the first notes,” Flynn said thoughtfully. “Julie said you wouldn’t. I guess she was right. But she also said you’d get it with the nice ones, so she was wrong there at least.”

“Get what?” Carrie demanded.

“Look,” Flynn said, “I’m sorry for the mean notes. They were just a bit of fun that I didn’t think through properly. I shouldn’t have done it. I didn’t realise it would upset you.”

It took Carrie far too long to realise what Flynn was talking about. She meant the day she’d found Carrie crying, and she thought it was just because of the notes.

Carrie felt her face flush and she crossed her arms over her chest. She mumbled, “It wasn’t just that. I wasn’t bothered by them that much. There was other stuff too.”

“Like what?”

“I’m not going to tell you,” she snapped defensively. Flynn looked taken aback as if she had expected Carrie to spill everything right then and there. But after a moment or two, she seemed to regain her composure.

“That’s fine. But still, I am sorry. After you got upset I thought for a bit and decided I’d - you know - try and cheer you up. So Julie suggested I try writing you some nicer stuff. Did it work?”

Carrie rolled her eyes, but still thought back over the past few weeks. She didn’t remember the last time she’d felt so... giddy. She had been excited to wake up and go to school, eager to see what message was left in her locker. And her mood had remained high throughout each day because whenever she stuck her hand in her pocket she felt that little scrap of paper with words of encouragement scribbled onto it, telling her how strong she was. And every time she thought of Flynn tucking those notes into her locker, her heart did a giddy little flip and butterflies danced in her stomach.

So yes. The notes had helped.

Suddenly the whole thing felt awkward. Carrie realised in that moment that she had come to get a crush on Flynn throughout all of this. It made her heart slam and she could hardly look Flynn in the eye. And in her momentary panic she said, “Whatever. Just stop leaving the notes. Leave me alone completely.”

And she turned on her heel and left, leaving a stunned Flynn behind her.

*

Carrie had never regretted anything so quickly. As soon as she arrived home, she headed upstairs to her room and tried her hardest to think of some way to undo what she had said. She didn’t want the notes to stop, she didn’t want Flynn to leave her alone. Quite the opposite. But she had said it, and now she needed it to change.

The next day, Carrie arrived at school much earlier than usual. There were only one or two other students in the hallways, talking in low bored voices or cramming in some last minute studying. None of them paid her any mind as she walked straight past them, past her own locker, and stopped outside Flynn’s. She pulled a note out of her pocket - one she had written herself - and pushed it through the locker door, hearing it drop down on the other side. She took a deep breath, smiled, and then began to wait.

She watched from a safe distance twenty minutes later when Flynn approached her locker. She looked a little downcast and dreary; Carrie prayed she didn’t have too much to do with that. But her look of gloom was soon replaced with confusion when she opened her locker and found the little folded bit of paper inside.

Flynn looked around the hallway and Carrie ducked behind a door. She was only hiding because she didn’t want Flynn to see her and decide, for whatever reason, not to read the note. When she was sure that Flynn would have turned back around, she peeked out again and watched Flynn’s mouth move as she read the words on the note.

Sorry for yesterday and thank you for everything. I really like you, Flynn. —C

She watched Flynn read the note over and over again, watched the little smile grow on her face until there was an all out grin. Carrie thanked the heavens that she had guessed right, that Flynn did feel the same way. That was why she had been doing all this - from the very start, it had been because she wanted Carrie’s attention. It was because she liked her the same way Carrie now realised she liked Flynn. Carrie thought that the fact it had worked was somewhat of a miracle.

Flynn turned Carrie’s note over to the blank side, whipped a pen out, and wrote something down. Carrie took her opportunity - she headed over to Flynn as she began to fold up the note, and she pinched it right out of her fingers triumphantly, feigning confidence to drown the unsteady beating of her nervous heart.

“Is this for me?” she asked sweetly, holding the note between two fingers for Flynn to see.

“I was gonna put it in your locker,” Flynn said.

“This is quicker,” Carrie replied dismissively.

Flynn smiled brightly as Carrie opened the note. She read it once, twice, three times, and felt her heart quicken with each word.

Go on a date with me?

Carrie looked to Flynn again, unable to hold back her smile any longer. She beamed at her and was glad to see the gesture returned. It was a beautiful sight - Flynn had a smile like the sun, in that Carrie was sure her world would revolve around it for a long time to come.

“Does this weekend work for you?”

[aquaticalay]

I Know You Forever (Din Djarin x Reader)

Summary : Din thinks you deserve better. You ask him why.

Warning : mentions of blood, is fluff a warning?

Word count : 1.4k

Note : I found out that the Mando'a equivalent to 'I love you' is 'I Know You Forever' when directly translated. And I think it's beautiful. I literally spent a lot of time looking at Mando'a phrases for prompts 

Also, it's good to be posting here again! I decided to write a bunch of one shots before committing to a series again:)

I've reuploaded this bcs it didn't show in the tags

"You don't deserve this," Din whispered under his breath. The words were so weak from exhaustion, it was almost impossible to make out. Not to mention the distorted layer the modulator added to them.

"What do you mean?" You hummed, and it made Din somewhat furious. He did not need a mirror to tell that his face was fuming red. He wasn't angry, though. He was frustrated. How could you not see yourself the way he did? How dare you think you deserve a life of violence, when you could settle down and spend your days safe and sound? 

You were sat on the floor of the Razor Crest after a rather violent encounter with a band of pirates, stitching a cut on your bicep. There were no bacta left, so good ol' needle and thread would have to do. The wound had been gushing with blood just moments earlier, but a piece of bundled cloth and pressure did wonders to stop the bleeding. 

"You deserve better," he said, leaning on the stairs that lead to the cockpit, arms crossed across his chest. You could tell by the way his voice was briefly cut short by his own shallow breath that he was struggling to keep his own voice monotonous— that there was far deeper meaning behind the seemingly emotionless sentence.

"Do I?"

Fuck. You. 

Din hated this. He hated the way you toyed with your words. He hated that you were able to force him out of his shell, to coax his intentions and strip layers down, piece by piece, until it was bare to the very core. He hated that you always knew how to get around his secrecy.

He hated that he had a strong desire churning in his gut to open himself up to you.

Whether it was your fault or his, he did not know.

"You do," he managed to say through gritted teeth. The child was asleep in his bunk, so he did not have an excuse to get out of this conversation, like he sometimes did when things got too... intense.

"What—" you winced, cutting the final thread,— "What makes you think I deserve better, but you don't?" 

Gently, you cleaned up the excess blood and tidied the medpac. Your bruised fingers danced on the box so graciously. On their own, no one would've thought the destruction they could bring. But if they saw who those hands belonged to— if they saw you— suddenly the cuts and the discolored patches of skin from the wounds along your revealed skin made sense. Suddenly they were able to link the precision of your hands to the ferocity behind your eyes.

Unlike him, you don't hide under beskar. Your battle scars were on display as if you were proudly showing the universe how much you can take— how much you've been through.

They were like spoils of war. They told your story. Unlike Din, who would rather keep every single story he had buried deep within his heart a secret.

Din stayed quiet. He didn't really know how to answer your question. You've been in the game for as long as he has. You chose this life, like him. 

"I don't... know," he managed to say. 

But he knew. He always knew why.

He loved you. That was something that took a long time for him to come to terms with, but he finally did.

The truth is, you didn't necessarily deserve a better life than him. He just wants you to have a better life.

One of these days, you'll get hurt. It happens to everyone he has ever worked with; it was a pattern he simply could not ignore anymore. And if you go where he can't follow... he can't possibly live with himself.

"Then quit saying that, tin man," You chuckled wholeheartedly, "I'm a big girl. I can make my own decisions."

You grabbed a metal railing and pulled yourself up, only to get light headed and stumble across the floor.

You cursed under your breath. You should have expected that. You had lost a lot of blood, after all.

"Whoa," Din managed to catch you before you fell, holding your waist steady, "Easy." 

"Stupid blood loss," you managed to crack a smile. Looking into his dark T-visor, you could only imagine he was smiling with you.

Even if he was, you doubt he'd ever tell.

"You need to rest," he said softly, his thumb circling ever so slightly against your waist. You held on to his shoulder and pushed yourself away, balancing yourself to stand up on your own.

"I will."

"Now," he said sternly.

You looked straight into where his eyes would be behind the helmet. He looked so... cold. All the damn time. If it weren't for the little things— like how his body would relax when you'd place your hand on his shoulder, or how he had held you up just now, you wouldn't assume he was organic underneath.

"What?" Din asked, confused. He caught you staring.

"Nothing," you slumped back down to the floor, taking his advice on resting. "You're just— you seem cold," you blurted your thoughts out.

"I'm not," Din said, a little too defensively. His voice cracked at the thought that the only person he ever loved perceived him as heartless. 

You gave him a lopsided grin. "You're not," you agreed, "You just seem like it. If you were, you wouldn't have taken the child under your care—" you paused, trying to find the words to say next, "—If you were, you wouldn't have thought I deserved better."

But you do, Din wanted to say, you deserve the stars and moons, you deserve the universe, but you settled for this... life.

Why would any one in the right mind do that?

But he decided to keep his words to himself this time.

You watch as the quiet man slowly sat down across from you. He might not admit that he was exhausted, but you saw that he didn't hold himself as rigidly as he normally would.

He was just as tired as you were, minus the blood loss.

"I care about you," you admitted shyly, "I really do. And if I deserve anything, I deserve a lifetime of fighting by your side. I want a lifetime of fighting by your side."

Din froze. This wasn't the first you had left him speechless. 

"Din?" You called, trying to get a response out of him. His name rolled off your tongue like syrup, and it was only more meaningful because you only ever addressed him by his birth name in private.

"It would be my honor," Din finally said, "To fight by your side for the rest of my life."

Din had no fear of death. Part of being a Mandalorian is having a resolute acceptance of death. He knew that death was a matter of how and not if, so it made sense to him to be more concerned about dying a warrior's death than death itself. He was fully aware that all things age, all things die. Everything that was formed by the universe becomes one with it again, someway, somehow.

But you make him want to cling to life a little longer. 

"Din?" You called out again.

"Yes?"

"I know you forever," you hummed sincerely, leaning forward and mindlessly tracing your fingers on the cheek of his helmet.

And Din swore his heart skipped a beat.

He knew you had bought a Mando'a to Galactic Basic dictionary that included common phrases at a junkyard as a joke, and he knew you started reading it in your spare time. He assumed you were just bored. He didn't expect...

Unable to read Din's silence, you smiled sadly. "You don't have to say it back. I just wanted you to know—"

"I— I know you forever, too." He cut you off. Despite the crack in his voice, there was no hesitation.

Gently, he cupped your face, bringing you closer to him as he pressed his helmet, where his forehead would be, against yours, your warm skin nearly sizzling against the cool beskar. Din closed his eyes at first, but when he opened them a few moments later, he saw that your eyes were shut, your facial features more relaxed than he had ever seen. You melted into his arms, and suddenly he understood why people feared death.

Because now, he had you and the child. He had something to live for.

-end

[starlightshore]

Is there any evidence that Chara is an abuse victim? It's a very popular headcanon and I want to understand why

hrm. ok let me preface this with a couple of things: one, i actually answered this same question a couple weeks ago (week ago? time means nothing to me) on AFR but i got triggered by continuous use of the topic and people wouldn’t stop talking after i asked multiple times for us to stop. (no bad blood to anyone involved) this is only relevant because its the same question, and I want to make it clear I am fine with talking about this topic, and I will say if or when it’s stressing me out. I am not against talking about dark themes, and at the moment I am calm and fine.

I want everyone to know that this is a triggering topic and i specifically am susceptible to this and it’s surrounding themes, so please try to read the room I’m creating on this topic and give me the proper space.

i say that all ahead of time because I do not want to get triggered or talk about child abuse/death/suicide at length. this ask is fine. maybe a couple more if it’s brief and not asking me to do further research.

secondly, I want to talk about UT canon real quick. UT, for the most part, relies on text to spell out it’s history and world. characters don’t walk on screen and say: I’m Chara Dreemurr. I was born on September 15th 2003. I’m nonbinary and use they/them.” like no, characters live in the moment and yes their past define them, but they got bigger things to worry about and talk about current things. maybe they’ll refer to past things, but never bluntly.

--putting under read more. discussion of child abuse, self harm, and other ingame dark topics. This is mainly a character analysis

So, either you infer from what’s available or you search the wiki/playthrough/text dumps. The very act of playing no mercy route has lore in itself, if you account for player theory and other factors I’m not getting into here. Anyway, Undertale is a very Deep and loaded game with lots of world building built into every nook and cranny. (just spend 5 minutes on semi-frequent undertale facts if you’re curious to this rabbit hole)

Anyway point being, Chara is the narrator. this is fact. “it’s me, Chara.” They outright say it. I hate when people call it theory when it’s more explicit than most things in game.

anyway, the main flavor text i want to point to is this:

* "Faded Ribbon" - Armor DF 3 * If you're cuter, monsters  won't hit you as hard. 

So here’s a couple things I want to talk about first. Yes, monsters fight and that is normal.

* But they will never know  the joy of expressing  themselves through magic.* They'll never get a bullet-   pattern birthday card... 

It’s 10000% likely that Chara dealt with monster fights when alive. And that most likely lead to culture shock and confusion, but with Toriel (lmao, she outright scares off a froggit from Frisk) by their side and being a royal, I highly doubt they were in any danger in that household.

point being, yes, monsters could of hurt them, I would think this mindset is more directed to humanity, rather than monsterkind. You can read it more bluntly that it’s about monsters after all, t does specify monsters here. My counter point is that is to foreshadow how monsters are weaker beings who are more in-tuned with their magic-based bodies and are susceptible to intent, and likewise their magic reflects their own intent.

So yeah, I think it reflects to Chara’s general history and mindset to wanting to appear more tolerable to avoid pain, be it physical abuse or fear of being human. Chara, who calls themself a demon and hated humanity passionately, would be fully aware they are human. When welcomed to a very loving monster family, they didn’t want to ruin the prophetic angelic image they placed on them. They knew with their own imperfect behavior, that they were doomed to fail them.

This can be inferred from how both Toriel and Asgore wear the deltarune (Toriel’s robes, Asgore’s armor makes the wings and their homes in both games have the symbol). Gerson talks about how either the Deltarune Angel (someone who has seen the surface and returned) would either free them or destroy them all. Chara, who the underground believed to be that Angel, was put on this huge pedestal that clearly both parent’s believed in.

We know Toriel represents Integrity,

* someone who sincerely  likes bad jokes...* has an integrity  you can't say  "no" to. 

(along with being refereed to in the blue color of text)

and by both (points in DR’s direction) and this line from her when allowing Frisk to go past the ruins:

My expectations... My loneliness... My fear...For you, my child... I will put them aside.

Toriel says expectations first. It’s clearly a huge part of her motivation. I absolutely see how this pressure not only was put on Chara, but Asriel as well. This isn’t a hate letter to Toriel btw, but rather an examination of her parenting that led to the main tragedy of the game. It’s a cautionary tale. Toriel was not prepared for adopting a suicidal preteen.

speaking of which! back to the whole point of this post.

* I know why (Chara) climbed the mountain.

*(Chara) hated humanity.* Why they did, they  never talked about  it.* But they felt very strongly about  that.

 Now I want to say that Chara hating humanity enough to run away to kill themself doesn’t strictly mean they were abused, but wow! Chara is seriously mentally ill (and frankly, yes, children can be are suicidal) and I don’t think that level of suffering happens for no reason.

* The ends of the tools have  been filed down to  make them safer.* Seems like gardening tools.

* Where are the knives.

The gardening tools in Toriel’s home are dulled and there are no knives in the kitchen. These are actions one takes when their child self harms, this isn’t precautions based in them being literal infants. Chara I imagine was closer to 10/12 age range than Baby. (what baby knows what a tsundere is?)

All these paint a picture of a child who self harms, who violently hates humanity and wanted to kill their (likely) abusers. I’ve also seen someone suggest the fact that FIGHT is your first option in the game in itself reflects how Chara’s first instinct is to Fight first. Both Frisk and Chara are heavily influenced by the player’s actions (both literal and in a parental/guardian like influence) and we see this thru Chara’s outlook changes depending on LV, as well how Frisk feels about violence. (dogfood bag being half full/empty, punching mad dummy in the dump)

Using the themes of the game and backstory/context, we can see how Chara has been taught violence as a viable option. I’d link that more to their pre-underground as Monsterkind as a society preaches mercy and uses bullets not as a murderous tool, but as self expression.

Again, I don’t want to say that just because a child is mentally ill and self harms, doesn’t mean they were abused but I don’t think it’s out of line as a reasoning for it. Yes, sometimes you’re just born with such mental illness, but I choose to interpret the faded ribbon dialogue + their own desire to fight/kill as something taught by example. It fits the themes. It’s more realistic to see Chara as someone who’s been hurt and has learned to hurt in return. (AND that does not mean abuse victims are therefore doomed to become abusers! chara is a child first and thru the pacifist route they’re just as merciful as Frisk! It’s a character arc)

and just to be absolutely clear because I KNOW how tumblr handles nuance sometimes, I am speaking as a former abused and suicidal child. Making that clear that when I say this is how I read the text, it’s not just me speculating on the game’s content but on a real life knowledge of how this shit works. Chara very, very much reads an abused and depressed child who just wanted to fulfill the prophecy for the sake of their family’s freedom.

With almost killing Asgore on accident, Chara realizes that they are an evil human and the only way to free their people is to die violently. (don’t look up buttercup poisoning side effects, it’s bad.) Chara didn’t need to die to escape. They could of killed any of the dreemurrs, but they chose to die horrifically. It’s common for those who are suicidal that they’ll want to die before people see them in a negative light.

also couldn’t really fit this earlier but hell, this is long anyway so I might as well say this here. I think we can also infer Chara’s hatred for humanity grew with learning the history of monsterkind. The books harshly say human souls are different and it’s possible they may not even naturally have compassion and love, or at least, are not required to have it. Humans sealed monsters underground and commited actual genocide against them. (and i don’t use that word lightly. the no mercy route isn’t a genocide, please don’t use that term for that. esp don’t lighten such a heavy and real-word term to a frickin video game route oh my god)

We have this repeating theme of society’s influence on children and how cycles of pain continue. What is “in this world, it’s kill-or-be-killed“ but a statement on society? I’ve discussed before that I think it’s very likely Chara said those words to Asriel as they were being murdered, and how the very system that put Chara into this path was human society that both failed Chara and monsterkind all those years ago. The game’s message is that you must not kill, and you must not be killed in return. That there is a third option, and that even in dire circumstances if you use 7 virtues and are determined enough, you can avoid war and make peace. This isn’t to say self defense is bad, Undyne the Undyning is framed as a hero, and cruel/corrupt rulers should be disposed of (king spade)

this got a little off topic but I thought it was fun to write about. The game’s main theme is built around that phrase, it’s Asriel’s character arc of him learning thru Frisk/Chara/Player that in this world, despite everything, you don’t have to kill or be killed.

TLDR; Chara is implied to hate humanity so strongly they were willing to die horrifically to free monsterkind and fulfill the angel’s prophecy. the game depicts them as a very mentally ill child and with the addition of the faded ribbon text + desire to FIGHT, Chara likely learned this mindset before falling underground. looking at the themes of the game and chara’s backstory, we can infer and take a guess at who they were and what the game is trying to say. Undertale is a good game and has a good moral. That’s my TedTalk

[shinydelirium]

MLQC Season 2 Chapter 12 (Kiro) Part 8 [Lighthouse] & [Gaze of Time] Translation [CN]

***SPOILERS*** THIS POST CONTAINS HEAVY SPOILERS FOR CONTENT NOT YET RELEASED ON EN SERVER!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!***

For previous translations of Season 2 Chapter 12: Part 1/ Part 2/ Part 3/ Part 4/ Part 5/ Part 6/ Part 7

I combined two parts for this post. Enjoy~

[Lighthouse]

As we stood on the last step, we were only able to see some faint pictures.

The run-down walls looked extremely gloomy and terrible in the endless darkness.

It seems to be much bigger than we thought.

MC: Did we uncover a tomb that hasn’t been dug up? Those tomb raider novels are written like this… ***I’m getting Indiana Jones and Tomb Raider vibes***

Helios: Stay here.

With those few words, Helios walked towards the visible wall in the distance.

MC: Be careful.

I looked around cautiously, walked down the steps carefully and stepped on the ground where Helios was before.

At the same time, a thin golden thread lit up between the floor tiles. It stretched outward like an electric current.

Helios: What are you doing?!

MC: …Taking a step forward?

Helios came back to me in an instant, dragging me onto the transparent steps and looking around with cold eyes.

As the lines of light gradually brighten the building like a pulse, the mysterious symbols on the walls appeared like the eyes of a giant beast slowly opening in the dark.

??: We have been waiting for you for a long time.

??: Welcome to the lighthouse.

Lighthouse? Hearing this unfamiliar word, I froze.

The long synthetic sound came from far away. All the lines began to converge into a certain pattern and rearranged themselves. At the same time, some of the text on the wall gradually disappeared.

In this space constructed entirely of golden light, all the shadows connected with the outline of the sliding lines, forming a peculiar shadow on the dark background—

As if—there is an invisible person standing there.

Helios: It’s a trick.

??: This is a misunderstanding.

The lines swayed slightly with the sound. It looked like…it was politely bowing and I couldn’t help leaning against Helios’ back.

MC: ….Is there someone over there?

Helios: Visual dislocation.

MC: What do you mean?

Helios: It’s just a projection made up of lines of electric currents and light.

Helios: Nothing is there.

He even took out the knife in his hand, approached the “shadow figure”, arrogantly positioned the knife where the neck would be, and swiped vigorously.

However, the blade didn’t touch anything and the “human figure” flickered and transported onto another wall.

??: Signal upload, information has been updated.

??: Enable smart trigger mechanism to ensure information synchronization.

??: Data is uploading….update complete.

The mechanical language doesn’t carry any emotion and there was a “didi” sound at the end of the conversation.

??: Human beings will be full of hostility towards the unknown. This is understandable.

??: Don’t worry, there is nothing in the lighthouse that can hurt you.

??: Of course we will not hurt you, special people. ***It knows about Evolvers but its not referring to them as that term. So were they called something else?***

The amiable electronic voice reverberated in the entire space. At the end of the sentence, there was a completely unintelligible language. ***Like the same unintelligible language that was heard in part 6 of Behind the Curtain?***

The light continues to flow and reorganize, making the “human figure” look like it’s stretching out its hands, signaling to us that there is no threat.

Its outline slowly became bright and thick and the entire “shadow” became clearer.

The accentuated light dispersed into light patterns and text around the area, illuminating the interior of the whole lighthouse.***Changed the wording***

??: It seems that you wandered into the lighthouse by accident but it does not matter.

??: Once again, I welcome you and your companion. I am the lighthouse’s legacy—

??: 19.

I cautiously ran to Helios’ side and pulled his shoulders slightly to reach his ears.

MC: ….Why do I find this scary…

Helios: If you know, don’t mess around.

Helios’ fixed his eyes on the figure. His whole body is tense as if he didn’t believe it.

Helios: There is no value in trusting things that are so cryptic.

??: It does not matter. I have a lot of patience to prove to you that we are not malicious.

??: After all, compared to the time of waiting, this kind of time is nothing.

The “figure” stayed in place quietly. The lines on its body trembling slightly. It gave off the impression of a kind, old man.

I poked my head out from behind Helios.

Helios: You just said this is a lighthouse?

??: Yes.

??: Actually, I want to chat with that girl. Your attitude does not look very good.

MC: ….Pfft.

Seeing the swaying lines, I couldn’t help laughing.

MC: How should I address you as? Is 19 all right?

19: You are so polite and cute, of course you can. Where we are from, you will surely be liked by many people.

Helios: Do people there like to talk so much nonsense?

19: That won’t do.

The originally tense air immediately became alive, wafting with the laughter I tried to restrain.

MC: 19, what is a lighthouse? And you just said that you are the legacy here. What....are you again?

19: I am the residual intelligence waiting to meet you.

MC: ?!

19: As for the lighthouse….

19 slowly raised its hand and the floating patterns of light began to surge, turning into indistinguishable graphics and textures.

On the huge wall behind us, a magnificent and unfamiliar picture formed.

19: These are our remnants.

The pattern of light is constantly changing and evolving with different characters and designs that are completely incomprehensible.

It seems to be showing something but it’s so obscure.

As the lines jumped around, huge and unfamiliar buildings were built high and collapsed into nothingness.

A crowd of people gathered and scattered about as if they were roaring and struggling. Finally the images on the wall disappeared one by one.

MC: ….What was that?

19: That was our world.

19: Before your world came, the last civilization.

My brain stopped working for a while and I was stunned. I pinched myself hard and thought that everything in front of me was just a dream.

Residual intelligence? The last civilization?

I turned my head to look Helios. He also seemed to frown deeply at 19’s words.

I thought the restart of time was absurd enough, but I didn’t expect that the world seemed to prefer the moment when people were caught by surprise.

MC: ….Are you also “human beings”?

As soon as I asked, the question sounded a bit absurd even to me.

19: If you use your language and judgment criteria, yes. ***What, so they’re not human beings? Extra-terrestrials? Space aliens??? Istg, if the game introduces aliens into the story, I will lose it...in a good way.***

Helios: Can you prove it?

19: Nothing can be proved.

As it spoke, the sound of gears turned again and the stone slabs on the wall made a loose sound.

Helios immediately held me in his arms, took a step back, and carefully looked in 19’s direction.

While the wall vibrated, the stone slab was slowly opened.

The undisturbed dust rises in the long-lost light, as if waiting has exhausted all their once glory and splendor.

Now, it can only use this last touch of floating dust to meet this world again after a long absence.

Then, it fell silently, mixing with the ash that was already covering it.

Its appearance was hardly recognizable.

19: Can you see anything?

Neither Helios nor I spoke, but looked at 19 quietly.

19: Nothing at all, right?

19: We also know.

19 gently stretched out its hand. The line was deformed as if its palm stopped in the air.

In fact, it touched nothing. At that moment, its hollow shadow looked tired and relieved.

The lines are constantly deforming and flowing, as if with incomparable nostalgia, touching the most cherished traces that have been here.

19: Nothing can escape the erosion of time. The lighthouse is something we can keep in this world….***Their technology must be quite advanced to be able to make this lighthouse and survive all this time for it to be discovered. Something like this is definitely right up Kiro’s expertise.***

19: The greatest miracle.

Helios: If that’s the case…

Helios: With your technical ability, why would it disappear?

A long laugh echoed in the lighthouse with a hint of weariness.

19: We are not the first civilization to disappear in this world.

19: Likewise, it will not be the last one.

[Gaze of Time]

My brain went blank.

I don’t know whether I should believe in such a strange and ridiculous voice and to believe that this world was as prosperous as it was hundreds of millions of years ago.

There may be people who are similar to us, have landscapes, and have the same or different world. They have existed in a real and vivid way.

And there was more than one such world.

Helios: What was the reason for your destruction?

19: It was because we lacked the necessary conditions. ***CORE, the QUEEN gene perhaps....?***

Helios: What do you mean?

19’s body leaned towards me and in that shadow, I seemed to feel a certain kind of gaze coming from the ancient years.

19: It is not up to “me” to answer your question. But other than that, I have a gift for you.

The lines flickered, skipped along the wall, and turned into a passageway.

I subconsciously stepped forward, trying to follow it, but Helios held me back.

Helios: What are you doing?

MC: It seems it wants us to follow.

Helios: Are you so easily fooled?

MC: ….

I met Helios’ mocking gaze, looked back at the flickering symbols on the wall, pursed my lips together, and kept my gaze firm.

MC: Although I don’t quite believe what it says, I think it is very sincere.

Helios: Insincere disguise is only a joke.

MC: Are you talking about yourself?

Helios: ….

He squinted his eyes and raised his head arrogantly, as if he wanted to conceal the emotions.

MC: And I would love to see what the gift is.

Helios: Be careful that you don’t get killed by ignorant curiosity.

His hands weren’t actually too stiff. I stared at him and stretched out my fingers toward the electric light that ran between the two of us.

MC: Helios, do you know what will happen if you cross this line?

He didn’t say a word. He only glanced at the ground and then his gaze returned to my face.

I smiled, and then gently pulled his hand with some force. Helios unexpectedly didn’t resist so I stepped towards the line with my strength.

MC: It seems that nothing happened.

Helios: It’s just a line.

MC: Maybe many things are just a line. Only to be crossed over. ***Changed some wording***

Helios: And if it can’t?

MC: Then think of a way. Two people will always have a way. ***Can’t help but get Light Pursuit date vibes from this scene***

There seemed to be a tremor in Helios’ eyes, holding my hand. His fingertips slowly turning white from his grip. 

At last, he laughed softly, with a bit of self-deprecation and helplessness.

Helios: (chuckles lightly) You really don’t know how to give up.

Helios: Then don’t let go.

Before I could reply, he took my hand and walked forward in front of me.

Turning around, we found that the figure had been waiting silently.

19: She is brave.

Helios: Just useless courage.

19: It is precisely because human beings are born with courage that we have to learn to avoid all unknowns and risks.

19 slowly moved along the wall. The mechanisms opened by the rotation of gears paved the way for us.

Looking at its figure, I felt like someone was walking beside me, telling me some age-old stories.

19: It allows you to greet the unknown even if you feel scared and to overcome all the pain for the sake of hope. ***Changed some wording***

19: It allows us to meet you at the end of departure. ***This line reminds me a lot of one of Kiro’s karma bylines from his karma “Stranger”: “I await you at the end of the opposite path.”***

As 19 talked, I found myself arriving in a wider space.

We seem to have come to a place closer to the ground, surrounded by ruins. It seems that someone has been here and there have been signs of explosions.

Unknowingly, it was nighttime. The faint moonlight came in, making me a little startled for a moment.

19’s hand “gracefully” raised, and the patterns of light crossed every fragment of the ruins along the ground and merged together.

Only this time, it’s better than the magnificent picture from before, more refined and more….real.

The entire ruins turned into a theater in a blink of an eye and it seemed to be identical to our current theater.

In the center of the empty stage, there are some small but peculiar instruments that looked like microphones.

19: People of the future, there are not many things in this world that have escaped time.

19: There are many more lighthouses like this one.

19: We try to keep all of civilization in the lighthouse, hoping to leave behind the stories, voices, predictions, and music we hear.

19: We want to fight against time and prove to the world….

19: We have existed.

19: However, only one in ten million can be left behind.

19 opened its hands gently, as if embracing something.

19: But even if one person believes it, we will be successful.

19: Thank you all.

A faint melody came from the empty stage, making me freeze for a moment.

MC: This is….

Helios: It’s a song.

Helios’ voice was soft, with some unnoticeable bewilderment and doubt in his words. His always-alert expression finally began to loosen.

I listened to this song quietly. I couldn’t tell what instruments were and the rhythm itself was very strange. The obscure language and timbre are so distant that I can’t figure out the pronunciation or the content.

I don’t know what is being sung, and I can’t even understand its sustenance or calling.

But I seem to be able to tell from this song that the remote and mysterious world is very real and alive at this moment.

This song is so desperate as if gathering all the hatred. Even if the world collapses, it will leave the last trace of unwilling cry.

But it is full of hope. Even if everything is dead, it still firmly believes that it can be done again.

It carries countless eyes, straddling the endless dark night, and breaking free from hundreds and millions of years.

Finally, reaching to us.

19: Thank you all.

The melody ended. Softly, 19 repeated the phrase again.

19: This is the last song we left in this world. Now it has completed its mission and it shall disappear with me.

Helios: Play it again.

Amidst the emotion of 19, on the empty ruins, Helios suddenly spoke up in a voice that seemed particularly indifferent.

19: I do not quite understand what you mean.

Helios: The song just now, play it again.

19 shook its head, not knowing what he was thinking.

After a period of silence, the same melody and singing was played again. I stared in confusion at Helios with his eyes closed, not knowing what he was going to do.

When the music ended, Helios slowly opened his eyes. He quietly looked at the empty stage like a frozen statue for a long time.

At last, he started walking towards the stage in the middle of the ruins, with some hesitation full of contradictions and some resoluteness that I didn’t understand.

When he stood on the stage, he glanced around, kneeling down reverently and touching the stage with his fingers gently.

Clearly, it was just a projection but at that moment, I suddenly felt as if he really touched the unreachable world.

Helios stood in front of the transparent microphone, his fingers trembling slightly. He lowered his head to watch the transparent phantom and gently covered his fingers.

The cold moonlight was shining down upon his head, as if the spotlight from this world was leaning on him without any cover.

The night sky was full of stars. The theater and stage reflected by the patterns of light flickered with specks of light, which merged into a sea of stars.

Helios closed his eyes and sang softly. The melody that had just circulated in the theater now became his sonata piece.

19: This is….

He almost perfectly restored all the pronunciation and inflection. The arcane and unfamiliar language seemed to be surging with fresh vitality.

All the hatred and love, hope and despair are deeply condensed in his singing.

Helios stands in the brightest place in the world.

His entire being is glowing.

At that moment, I knew that the person standing on the stage was Helios and even Kiro.

I’ve heard that when human beings create language, they make a voice of their own to the world.

As a result, human civilization emerged and it began to expand and pass on the basis of language.

This foreign language is so mysterious and difficult to understand that even now, it cannot be explained. It seems so fragile and meaningless.

But Kiro wrote it down completely. In endless silent times, the world once again heard the voice from that distant civilization.

He is in this world, using his voice to leave a song that only belongs to that era.

He used his method to let that far-off voice pass through the long and ancient night. For the first time, it reverberated.

Helios slowly opened his eyes and stood in front of 19.

Helios: All of you still exist.

The lines on 19’s body trembled and some rustling mechanical noises broke and rang, seeming to be on the verge of losing control.

It seemed to be shock beyond understanding and calculation. It seemed to be joy.

19: Th…thank, thank you. Thank you all.

In the distance, there seemed to be light patterns stretching out and spreading towards the darkness, slowly drawing the outline of a ship, as if it was setting sail.

19: We have always believed that there is one person who is the last piece of the puzzle to break the cycle. The future we cannot push towards, maybe you can reach it.

19: Go. Go to other lighthouses. There are countless people’s research, countless people’s attempts, and countless people’s hopes.

19: After you leave, everything will automatically be destroyed.

19: We…no, the civilization of generations will always bless you.

19: May our failure be a lighthouse to guide you to the future path.

19: Until the next lighthouse, farewell for now.

As the voice of 19 gradually faded into the air, there seemed to be some mechanical clicking sound echoing leisurely in the dark. 

-End of Part 8-

***The introduction of the lighthouse has to be the most fascinating and interesting thing that has happened in the entirety of the MLQC story. Actually, I think it’s the ONLY interesting thing that has happened yet. So much info dump and my mind spinning. It took a whole season and 12 chapters of season 2 to finally get to the nitty-gritty stuff. There was definitely some references to Kiro’s R&S: Lonely like the sound of gears turning, countless civilizations, destruction. Plus the “roaring/crying” was mentioned before, vaguely, in season 1 chapter 17. Also, that infinity symbol (8) with all the thorns on it must represent this endless cycle of fate where these previous civilizations always seem to meet their end/destruction after reaching a certain high point and a new one is created in its place and the old one is forgotten or never existed. Hence the existence of the lighthouse- to preserve the civilization in some way and pass on its legacy to the next one. It begs the question of “why”. If anything, the world of season 2 might just suffer the same fate just like season 1. Does that mean MC will have to go back in time to save it and the guys will have to lose their memories once again? How many times will the world restart in order to prevent destruction? I don’t think I can deal with another round of that. The cycle has to end but how exactly? I’m very excited and anxious to find out more about what happens next. When is the next lighthouse?***

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2020

You know, when I finished my latest list and realised every decade had the same pattern and that we were slowly going towards a series of great years for pop, I didn’t realise how good that year would be.

What’s at the top? Am I boringly predictable because I already said I loved that song all the way back in January 2020? Let’s find out.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will probably be stuff in French somewhere on this post. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

So. Uh. How was your 2020?

Mine was actually surprisingly good, considering. I’m lucky enough to have a job that I can partially do from home, and I was extremely paranoid from the get-go and nobody got sick under this roof so far. Turns out I’m even better at my job from home and I got permission to work from home one day per week even after the health crisis is over! My first name was also finally officially approved and I can’t tell you how happy I feel about that. I almost feel bad to have had such a good year considering the circumstances. I feel like an asshole just because I’m happy, haha.

The only frustrating part was that I was supposed to see Hatari in concert in Paris in early April which, as you can guess, was cancelled. I’m not too mad about it though, since their tour was called “Europe will crumble” and the message saying the tour was cancelled started with “since Europe is actually crumbling due to Covid-19″ and that’s hysterical.

Good or interesting albums that came out in 2020 now, let’s see.

Nightwish released Human/Nature, which was a huge letdown compared to their previous album, but I will relisten to it at some point to make sure I wasn’t just in a bad mood that day.

The Birthday Massacre released Diamonds, which might be their weakest album since their debut, but contained some real gems (I listened to The Last Goodbye on a loop, it floored me. Flashback and Enter are also very good).

The 1975 released Notes On A Conditional Form, and let’s be real, it’s a f█cking mess. You could cut half the tracks and end up with an excellent album, but as it is it’s like, yes, a collection of notes ; however there’s some truely excellent shit on it (see unelligible songs).

Thanks to a friend on a discord server I was exposed to Dorian Electra’s music and I haven’t been quite the same ever since. I’m so happy to be alive to see other enbies making such great music with an insanely good aesthetic surrounding it and asking so many interesting questions about gender. Also the arc the ‘gentleman’ character goes through over the course of the entire tracklist of the 2020 My Agenda album is absolutely hilarious, don’t @ me.

I also discovered 100 Gecs this year. Why are most of you guys saying it’s unlistenable garbage. It’s just as abrasive and over the top as industrial music is, but with none of the edginess or drama. I love it. What the hell. But yeah Tree of Clues was released this year. Good.

Speaking of industrial, in March 2020 Nine Inch Nails were like “hey remember when we released Ghosts I-IV a decade ago entirely for free and how amazing that was? Well we’re all in lockdown and bored as hell so here’s Ghosts V-VI and it’s also free. Enjoy” and I f█cking died instantly. And it’s even better than I-IV. What the hell was that year

Jonsi released Shiver. It’s strange and highly experimental. I’m pretty sure it’s a good thing I was into hyperpop this year, otherwise going from his previous material straight to this album would have been brutal.

Yadda yadda yadda After Hours by the Weeknd good yadda yadda.

I’ve joked about that already but if you had told me in 2019 that 2020 would have fires, a pandemic, riots, monoliths appearing and disappearing, and also a super good Machine Gun Kelly album, guess which part I would have found the most ridiculous. But yeah uh. Tickets to my Downfall good

So uh this year I tried to listen to some hyperpop and liked it a lot, and I also dipped my toes timidly into screamo and listened to Svalbard, who released When I Die this year, and the entire album was a very beautiful, very intricately decorated punch to the face. It sounds like God Is An Astronaut except with a shit ton of yelling. I love it. Open Wound is my favorite track on it.

But no, despite all of this, my album of the year was from a band I had never even heard about before that year, called Spanish Love Songs. The album is titled Brave Faces Everyone and it’s line after line after line of extremely relatable generational angst but yelled with complete sincerity and it’s so propulsive and energetic you can’t help but feel both exhausted and ready to fight the entire universe. I don’t know how it works, but it’s incredible. The entire album is wonderfully brutal, so it’s kind of difficult to pick my favorite songs on it, but Beachfront Property and the title track stand out.

Unelligible songs, now, and there’s, uh, quite a few of them too so I’m also gonna use bullet points. Good lord this post is gonna be long.

First, let me say I have literally no idea why Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus wasn’t a bigger hit. It’s not on the year-end US top 100 and it feels extremely wrong. Would have made it to #4 on this list otherwise.

I still entertain the vague hope that stuff from Machine Gun Kelly will chart higher in 2021 but I doubt it will happen so I might as well tackle it now and say that Bloody Valentine and especially Forget Me Too are both excellent and that it’s a shame radios aren’t playing them more often.

Heaven by the late Avicii featuring Coldplay should have charted in 2019 and still didn’t chart in 2020 and that’s a real shame.

If the world was a bit less unfair, Lovesick Girls by Blackpink would have been a hit rather than the awful Ice Cream.

One day I will stop complaining about my bafflement concerning the lack of mainstream pop charts success of The 1975. Today is not that day. I just love how they keep making songs about extremely awkward relationships full of weird details, and I haven’t grown tired of that yet. So yeah If You’re Too Shy is about a guy who’s crush is asking him to get naked on Skype in his hotel room and he’s, uh, not too sure about that idea.

And Me & You Together is about a guy who never finds the right moment to tell his best friend he’s in love with her, and he manages to do so at the end and it’s cute as hell. My fave part is “I'm sorry that I'm kinda queer / It's not as weird as it appears / It's 'cause my body doesn't stop me (Stop me) / Oh, it's okay, lots of people think I'm gay / But we're friends, so it's cool, why would it not be?”. Relatable as f█ck.

And now for an international hit that should have been bigger in the US and/or in my country but wasn’t: Head & Heart by Joel Corry and MNEK.

I’ve heard Nos Célébrations by Indochine extremely often on French radio for months now so I was very surprised to see that it didn’t crack the local year-end list. What happened.

I can finally hear the appeal of Bring Me The Horizon. It took me ages. And also Death Stranding. The song Ludens isn’t in the game per say, but it’s among the ones you can pick to broadcast briefly when people drive by your constructions, and long story short it's been living rent-free in my head for months now.

Phew.

It’s time for a round of Honorable Mentions for elligible songs, containing a couple of guilty pleasures, which is saying something considering the kind of shit I put on some of my previous lists.

Ne Reviens Pas (Gradur et Heuss l’Enfoiré) - Heuss is a French artist that kept baffling me while making my lists for the previous years, and I was like “??? ok, that’s it then, I guess I’m getting too old to get what teenagers find funny”. This one worked for me, though. And the music video doesn’t hurt. Really dumb and really fun.

Adore You (Harry Styles) - Perfectly good little pop song, very pleasant to listen to, never outstayed its welcome for me.

Mood (24kGoldn) - This doesn’t sound like a very good relationship, my dude, but that’s still a super pleasant song.

WAP (Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion) - This song is absolutely hilarious and I will hear no argument from any of you.

Control (Zoe Wees) - Was clearly a hit here. Should have been even bigger though. What a powerful but comfy voice. If I had better taste it would be on the list.

Hot Girl Bummer (Blackbear) - I. Uh. Listen. I keep saying I have bad taste and nobody believes me. Do you believe me now. But yeah. “F█ck you, and you, and you~, I hate your friends and they hate me too” is gonna pop in my head every single time someone is being a jerk anywhere near me now. It’s been happening all year already. Someone trashed my documents at work? Someone isn’t wearing a mask in public? That guy has filled his car with rolls of toilet paper? Brain goes “F█ck you, and you, and you~”. Every. Single. Time.

Come & Go (Juice WRLD & Marshmello ) - Damn, that’s a pretty good little song. I’ve seen plenty of people saying it’s ruined by the drop, but may I remind you I’m the person who loves Blue by Eiffel 65 with all my heart. If the song was ramping up consistently until the end instead of ending like that, it would have made the list, definitely.

And now, the actual list. This one actually feels pretty solid, I genuinely like everything on it, there’s no filler here for once.

10 - The Box (Roddy Rich)

US: #3 / FR: #23

Now this is a weird case, because for the longest time I couldn’t figure out why this song was so popular and I was completely neutral about it. Then, one morning in September, my mental jukebox (which always, always puts a song on a loop in my head when I wake up) decided to play it. And I was like oh wow?? I never noticed the atmosphere in that song before? It’s so great. And that hook too. Let’s listen to it.

So yeah, I don’t know what happened. It just clicked one day and everything fell into place, I guess.

9 - Alane (Wes & Robin Shulz)

US: Not on the list / FR: #93

Come on. You can’t do a remake of one of my previous #1 songs and let it chart in 2020. That’s cheating. Even with this subpar drop, I have to put it on the list, now.

I’ve already said my piece about the original, so I’m just going to send you back to my 1997 list.

8 - Kings and Queens (Ava Max)

US: Not on the list / FR: #76

[BBC documentary voice] After Lady Gaga decided to make piano balads and left her musical niche vacant, Ava Max quickly took her place as the top predator pop diva. Even after Lady Gaga was re-introduced to her natural habitat in 2020, she still hasn’t fully recovered in Europe, where Ava Max still reigns supreme on the charts -

(tldr I think it’s hilarious that this isn’t on the US Billboard while Lady Gaga isn’t on the French year-end top 100)

7 - Roses (Saint Jhn & Imanbek)

US: #19 / FR: #3

What an earworm. It doesn’t even bother trying to have an intro or an outro, so it loops almost perfectly. It’s like entering a party that started long before you arrived, and it will go on long after you leave it to go back home. Kind of hypnotic in a way.

And yes, my mental jukebox was very fond of using it to wake me up this year, so this is another song that’s here almost solely because of that.

6 - Physical (Dua Lipa)

US: Not on the list / FR: #69 (hehehe)

“Hey I’m not that old” says the guy who’s definitely a sucker for this kind of retro throwback that was so popular this year. Oh well.

I don’t have anything interesting to say about this one, though. Apart from the fact that everyone seems to have a different fave song on that album. Guess that’s quality for you.

5 - Rain on Me (Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande)

US: #48 / FR: Not on the list

That is far from being Lady Gaga’s best song, but it was a joy to listen to everytime it was on the radio anyway. Also Ariana Grande has surprisingly good chemistry with Gaga! This year was full of strange duets mostly made for commercial reasons, and this one isn’t an exception, but unlike a lot of them, it really, really works.

4 - Dynamite (BTS)

US: #38 / FR: Not on the list

I’m still not 100% sold on k-pop even if a ton of it sounds super good, but come on. Even if some bits of this song (especially the beginning of the second chorus) sound a bit like they were made on autopilot, it still sounds just as happy and fun several months after I first heard it and I never got tired of it. That’s quality. You hear it and you can’t help but tap your feet and smile.

Actually, I’m sure there’s people somewhere that don’t smile when they hear this song. And they must be avoided at all costs.

3 - Godzilla (Eminem ft Juice WRLD)

US: #62 / FR: Not on the list

What are you doing so high on this list, old man. Why are you still here in the year 2020. I thought we left you in the previous decade. Who gave you the right.

I’m gonna tell you who did, and it’s actually Juice WRLD. Because that chorus is incredible, and like a lot of people I’m pissed off because the guy died super young and this shit shouldn’t happen to anybody. No, his early material wasn’t great, but I’m sorry I’m gonna say it again: have you heard this damn chorus? It’s suspenseful and dark, it’s got this lowkey menacing quality, it’s an earworm and a half, and it’s more convincing in like six lines than Eminem’s own flexing is in the entire song.

The beat is extremely good as well, and the flow, obviously, impressive. The weakest link is Eminem’s writing, which is as usual full of puns and weird wordplay, except here a lot of it isn’t great, and that last ultra fast part at the end is technically impressive but it also drives the song up a cliff and stops it dead in its tracks once it’s over. But frankly the lines fly by so fast it’s difficult to be too annoyed by them.

Can I sincerely put this extremely flawed song so high on my list? A better question would be “did I spend hours trying to learn how to sing this shit without choking on my own spit?”. The answer is yes. To both.

2 - Heartless (The Weeknd)

US: #28 / FR: Not on the list

I’ve said it on my 2015 and 2016 lists already, but just for the record I’ll say it again: it took me ages to like The Weeknd, mostly because I found most of his songs fairly boring, or disliked the lyrics, or both. Also I never really liked the general vibe of his “sexy” songs like The Hills, they felt dark but in an unpleasant creepy way. Felt like miserable hedonism, if that makes sense.

So, because I’m a person with extremely consistent and logical tastes, here’s the exact same shit he was making before, except that this time I absolutely adore it.

What is he doing differently that makes the whole After Hours album click for me whereas almost all of his previous material failed to do so? Is it the energy? Is it the reverb? Is it the fact that the narrator sounds properly unhinged and, frankly, scared to be spiralling out of control? Why are the colors so beautiful yet full of anxiety? Why is that bridge so fantastic? How can you make your voice look like a glowstick in the dark?

I give up. I have no clue. At least I’m done talking about-

Oh.

1 - Blinding Lights (The Weeknd)

US: #1 / FR: #1 (listen sometimes something’s just that good, ok)

Surprise. Or not.

Wow, look at that, Johannes has put this year’s number one pop song at number one on their personal playlist. The audacity. The edge. What a hot take.

I discovered that song when it first came out at the end of 2019 and I adored it instantly. And I was so scared it wouldn’t be a hit. Which means I’m a f█cking dumbass considering it ended up breaking all sorts of records in 2020. But what can I say, overplay can be a blessing when you love a song that much.

Like every single song I put at number one on one of my lists, I will draw this one at some point and you will understand how incredibly satisfying it is to listen to a song called Blinding Lights, talking about city lights looking blurry when you’re driving at night, while looking itself like a bunch of blurry city lights passing by super fast. Perfect in every way.

Also it sounds exactly like A-ha, and that never hurts.

See you next year! Pretty sure it will be even better music-wise.

[illumynare]

How the Enneagram explains all of Ford and Stan’s problems

….well, most of them, anyway.

So in my ongoing quest to learn all personality typing systems ever, I’ve recently started reading about the Enneagram, and it struck me that Ford and Stan both fit extremely neatly into the system, and it provides a great framework for analyzing why these two idiots can love each other so much and yet continually hurt/trigger/drive each other crazy.

(descriptions taken from the Enneagram Institute website, not linked because apparently that means this post won’t show up in the tags??)

Stan: Type 2, “The Helper”

The Caring, Interpersonal Type: Generous, Demonstrative, People-Pleasing, and Possessive

Twos are empathetic, sincere, and warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering, and people-pleasing. They are well-meaning and driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed. They typically have problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs. At their Best: unselfish and altruistic, they have unconditional love for others.

Basic Fear: Of being unwanted, unworthy of being loved Basic Desire: To feel loved

This is Stan in a nutshell: somebody who loves deeply and unconditionally, sacrifices himself without a second thought, but also easily becomes possessive, and whose “helper” actions are often in some way an attempt to earn people’s love. He rescues Waddles from the pterodactyl so that Mabel will stop being mad at him, and he rescues Ford from the portal hoping that will restore the relationship they had as children. It’s not that Stan doesn’t genuinely care about Mabel or Ford’s suffering, it’s just that, on some level, he’s always trying to earn the love of the people he cares about.

Ford: Type 4, “The Individualist”

The Sensitive, Introspective Type: Expressive, Dramatic, Self-Absorbed, and Temperamental

Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. At their Best: inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.

Basic Fear: That they have no identity or personal significance Basic Desire: To find themselves and their significance (to create an identity)

Feeling vulnerable and defective, yet disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living: if you looked up “Stanford Filbrick Pines” in the dictionary, that’s the first thing you’d see. People have argued a lot about whether Ford is arrogant and how much, but I don’t think that’s actually the most helpful way to analyze his character. Ford has, at different times, considered himself a genius, a fool, a hero, a puppet; but what never changes is that he’s obsessed with the question of his own identity, and driven by the fear he’s either a freak or a non-entity. Even at the end of Journal 3, when he finally starts to chillax, he doesn’t abandon the question of his identity and say, “Who cares if I’m a hero or not.” Instead he chooses a new identity: “I’m a hero’s brother, and I’m okay with that.”

So how does this explain their problems?

Because, as much as these two dumb idiots love each other, they have primal fears that are often at cross-purposes, and that make them hypersensitive to each other’s worst tendencies. Stan fears being unloved and alone, and at his most desperate he is willing to do anything—including literally immolate his identity—to keep his loved ones around him, or bring them back. Ford fears having no separate identity or personal significance, and at his most desperate he is willing to do anything—including cut his twin out of his life, and summon unknown spirits of insane power—to grasp that identity.

This is why I think that, even if the whole science fair debacle had never happened, they would have still had some kind of major rift. They both grew up bullied by other children, emotionally abused by their father, and without any kind of support network or healthy relationship models; I don’t think either of them had the resources, at that point, to deal with their issues in a healthy way. Stan would have tried to cling to Ford no matter what, without realizing Ford experienced it as suffocation; Ford would have tried to strike out on his own no matter what, without realizing that Stan experienced it as complete rejection.

And this dynamic is also what drives their conflict after Ford comes back through the portal. I’m thinking, particularly, of their scene at the end of “Tale of Two Stans”:

Ford: Okay, Stanley, here’s the deal. You can stay here the rest of the summer to watch the kids. I’ll stay down in the basement and try to contain any remaining damage. But when the summer’s over, you give me my house back, you give me my name back, and this Mystery Shack junk is over forever. You got it?

Stan: You really aren’t gonna thank me, are you? Fine. On one condition: you stay away from the kids; I don’t want them in danger. Cause as far as I’m concerned, they’re the only family I have left.

A lot of people have interpreted this scene as Ford planning to kick Stan out of his life and onto the streets (and written angsty fanfics accordingly). This may indeed be how Stan saw it, but I don’t think that’s a fully accurate perception. A moment before this, they’re laughing about being old men. Ford’s voice in delivering his ultimatum doesn’t read as angry or cold so much as somebody trying to put his foot down.

I think the key to Ford’s speech is the implicit link between “you can stay here the rest of the summer” and “I’ll stay down in the basement.” Ford is primarily thinking about the issue of his stolen identity: there can only be one Stanford Pines, so while he’s willing hide himself away and let Stan keep playing the role for the rest of the summer, he wants to be Stanford Pines again. He wants his own identity, and to have a say in what goes on in his house. Which is completely reasonable!

But of course, Stan is approaching this conversation from a completely different direction. He’s spent thirty years trying to save Ford, not just because of his own guilt but also because he wants their relationship back: think of how he throws his arms wide and shouts “Brother!” when Ford steps through the portal. From Stan’s point of view, Ford is saying that everything Stan suffered and accomplished is still not enough to earn his love. Which is why Stan lashes out, having finally reached the limits of his willingness to martyr himself. Objectively, it’s kind of terrible to disown your brother for not saying “thank you,” but in context it completely makes sense for Stan to react this way. (And honestly, it’s really good that he has managed to discover ONE boundary, even if he’s being petty about it.)

….but of course, Ford still doesn’t understand what’s going on in his brother’s head, so he interprets Stan’s anger as something along the lines of “how dare you want to make decisions, you should just live in my basement for the rest your life to make me happy.” Which in turn drives his hostility and posturing in later episodes (like the DD&MD game—yes, Ford was swept away by enthusiasm, but I think he was also very much trying to mark his territory when he covered the TV room in graphs.) And that just escalates Stan’s hurt and anger, creating his determination Not To Care even when the world is ending and Ford is a prisoner, and culminating in the Zodiac Fight which is hands-down the pettiest thing either of them has ever done.

What saves them is Dipper and Mabel, who remind them it’s possible for two radically different siblings to work together—and who give them something to care about outside their own tumultuous dyad. Threatened by the loss of Dipper and Mabel, they find they can still trust and understand each other well enough to pull off a desperate, last-minute con. In one way, their final gambit seems to echo their earlier patterns: Stan burns up his identity to save his family, Ford grimly makes a choice that will cut him off from his brother. But there’s an important difference: Stan doesn’t expect to get anything back from this, not admiration from the kids or love from his brother, because he doesn’t expect to be himself after. He burns the dream of the Stan-o-War along with all the rest of his memories. Ford, on the other hand, gives up all claim to being the hero, The Man Who Killed Bill Cipher; more than that, he trusts Stan to carry out that role for him.

And that’s how, after everything, they’re able to reconcile and be at peace with each other.

[somethinglacking]

Within His Control

Summary: After learning the true Evol Kiro processed and experiencing the effect of it first hand, your mind comes up with more fun and lewd way to play with it. Of course, Kiro gets on board 100%

Rating: +18 Word count: 3292 Game: Mr. Love Queen’s Choice Warning: Spoilers for Chapter 14 Pairing: Kiro X Reader

Kiro explained his evol, and all it entailed to you. You listened carefully, asking questions when his explanation failed to be comprehensible for you — a lot of hacker jargon’ and a lot of rules of how the evol actually worked. You bit your lip, remembering when he ordered you to shut the door and lock it to keep everyone and anyone on the opposite side, including himself. Your eyes looked at him as you listened in wonder as the always cheerful man beside you smiled softly, and his thumb rubbed soothing, almost anxious circles into the back of your hand. You didn’t know if he was trying to calm you or himself. Possibly even both of you with his tiny action. You smiled, looking into the deep azure depths of his crystal eyes. 

“If you can control someone’s actions and mind like that then-”

“I swear that was the only time I used my ability on you! You have to believe me!” Kiro panicked his eyes wide begging for you to trust and believe him. 

You nodded as your leg bounced, and you fidgetted it. Kiro was frowning now at your anxious behaviour. You nodded to yourself, deciding to trust in the sincerity of his voice, and the way his brilliant blue hues pleaded with you. You looked at him, and he almost physically bulked as he prepared for your reaction to everything. You smiled at him, and the starlit relaxed a little and smiled back. His hand in yours tightened as he shifted a little, and a prolonged silence took over the room. You both focused on and collecting your thoughts before speaking further. 

You were the one to break the silence. “You know-” His eyes moved up towards your, his attention captured. You blushed and stared at the wall in front of you. “That could be really hot.” You mused, and he raised an eyebrow, clearly not understanding your thought pattern. “The mind control-” Your blush darkened. “Using it to control a partner during, uhhh, sex.” You whispered the last word like it was a complete taboo. You buried your face in your hands, and Kiro coughed as he choked on his own spit. Not that you could blame him, your attitude to his ability took a complete 360 turn. 

“Say what?” Kiro squawked, and you curled further into yourself. 

There was a heat collecting between your legs as you thought of the endless possibilities. Kiro’s eyes were so deep as they glazed over, staring at you clearly in thought. Your cheeks burned brightly with the forever blossoming blush. 

“You’re kind of naughty~” Kiro cooed, causing you to jerk your face towards him. He smiled brightly at you, a light pink dusting his own cheeks. “I never really thought of using my powers in a consensual way like that before.” The Idol mused. 

You huffed at his casual tone, never before had you both had a lewd conversation. Kiro looked at you and smiled with a wink. He doesn’t like playing fair apparently. “What exactly are you trying to get at?” You whispered, and his smile widened. 

“I guess if it were with you, I’d be willing to give it a shot.” He confessed so easily it made you choke on air. “What? Is it wrong for me to want to try out and be intimate with my precious miss chips?” 

“You don’t have to be so forward about it!” You defended yourself, and he laughed — a perfect melody of joy. 

“It isn’t like we haven’t had sex before~” He purred, shimming closer to you on the couch. His eyelids dropped just half a centimetre, but it was enough to make you want to fling your panties at him. “What are you doing acting so shy and cute for?” His voice took on a husk that had your body shivering in response. 

His lips ghosted yours, and you looked steadily into his endless blue eyes. “Thought you said you never used your evol for something like this before.” You whispered against his lips. 

Your hand cupped his jaw, and his gaze has you completely enamoured with him. Long digits caressed your cheek before making a home in your long locks. Kiro tilted his head ever so slightly to the side. “I haven’t. This is just regular old seduction, my treasure.” He cooed so perfectly before finally capturing your lips with his own. 

You already felt like you were lost under his complete will as his tongue slipped into our mouth, and both of your hands began to roam each other’s bodies. Slipping under fabric to feel the silky skin beneath. Your hands gripped Kiro’s shirt and helped you remove it, tossing it somewhere in his living room. After that, everything else you both wore followed. 

Soon enough, Kiro had you laid out comfortably against his sofa, his bare chest pressed against your own. You looked at each other through heavy lids, breath quickening.

"Are you sure?" Kiro whispered, kissing your nose as you took a moment to mull over what you were about to give your consent too. 

"Kiro~" You purred sweetly, caressing his face. He moved so his face was more level with your own. "I trust you." 

With those simple words leaving your lips, his eyes turned yellow, and the look of code and numbers found on a computer flashed within them. Your body froze beneath him, and you found yourself helplessly falling into the depths of his eyes. Free-falling and losing any will of your own. Only, unlike last time where this sensation confused and scared you, it thrilled you. It secured you. You smiled meekly, and Kiro smiled back before shushing you softly. His hands were caressing every inch of your naked body in a soothing movement. 

You gazed up at him, falling evermore into an abyss of his control. All rational thought left you, leaving you woven and bent to his mercy — nothing you could do as you slipped further under his spell, but trust. His lips moved, but you were nearly deaf to the buzzing as you free will slipped further and further out of your reach. 

“That’s it, baby, relax,” Kiro whispered directly into your ear. You shivered while whimpered needily. “I won’t hurt you, just breathe.” He cooed as you let yourself relax under his control. “You’re going to obey my every whim, your body will act on its own, but I promise to make you feel so good.” You smiled up at him, watching him closely with hazy vision. His weight felt good, pressing you against the mattress, secure and warm. 

At his mercy, your head lulled to the side against the pillow. His mouth met yours for a sensual kiss, one that set your nerves on fire, and made the fine hairs on your body raise. Tongue met and danced as you hummed in pleasure. Kiro groaned as the soft pets and rubs he was giving you before became rougher. The glided over your soft skin, exploring, teasing, soothing. When he gripped your breasts, you gasped and opened your eyes. You both adorned a lusty blush and heated blown eyes. Kiro’s large hands covered your modest bust, massaged, and teasing you pebbled nipples, pulling mewls of pleasure for you. 

“Cum.” He hissed, and your eyes widen as your body began to convulse under him. Your thighs shook as your cunt released and squeezed at nothing. A fire settled in your lower abdomen as you moaned out, and you twisted in pleasure. “That’s it, good girl.” His hands ran the length of your body, staying away from any pleasure points as your chest heaved, and your body began to relax once again beneath him. 

You felt dizzy having spontaneously orgasmed without any warning. You stared blankly up at the man before you, his golden eyes captivating you. “I honestly didn’t think you’d cum like that, without any simulation.” Kiro huffed, looking down at you with wonder. “I want to see what else I can make you do~” You groaned at his smile while beads of sweat rolled down your temple. 

Kiro shifted above you, kissing your forehead, cheeks, nose. He gave you a sweet peck on the lips before journeying further. Just tongue ran up the column of your throat. His teeth lightly scraping on the descent. You crained your head, allowing him easier access to your pulse. Latching on to the sensitive spot below your ear, he let out a deep groan, one that sent thrills right to your leaking core. “Kiro.’ You breathed, and he lapped at the mark he just gifted to you.

His response was continuing to kiss down your body. You could feel your desire drying on the inside of your thighs as the man before you took his time kissing every single inch of you. His face buried itself between your breast as he kissed, licked, and sucked his way to one of their peaks. You cried out as his hot mouth captured a nipple and sucked and nursed. Your entire being was begging.

Kiro took his time lavishing each tit with his attention before bringing his decent once more. His mouth was impossibly hot as he left a trail of salve over your stomach where is tongue circled your belly button. 

Eventually, he made himself comfortable between your legs — his face level with your swollen sex. You covered your face feeling exposed and shy. "Look at me." His voice called, and without any will of your own, you obeyed. You peaked down naked form towards the man brushing his fingertips around your pussy, teasing you. "Don’t take your eyes off of me. Watch me pleasure you." Your pussy throbbed at the lewd demand as you followed his order.

Kiro brought his mouth to your slick mount, his wet muscle dipped between your lower lips, and he took his time licking and sucking them. You moaned, shifting as his tongue lapped and caressed your wet lips like a tender kiss. Kiro ran the flat of his tongue over the engorged bud at the apex of your pussy. Using the tip of his wet muscle to flicking a couple of times before gently wrapping his lips around your pleasure point. He sucked, beautiful and piercing yellow eyes watching you as your noises picked up. No matter how embarrassed you felt watching him ravish your most intimate part, your body wouldn’t let you shy away. You’re eyes kept glued to his, and pleasure shivered down your spine. You felt your face distorting with pleasure. Still sucking your clit gently, his tongue to rub tiny circles to the bundle of nerves. Hands explored the contours of your body, enjoying the feel of you under his fingertips. Noises picked up, and he halted his assault on you for a moment, releasing a shaky breath before running the tip of his tongue in and around every fold of your delicate flower, making you moan out in ecstasy.

Just as you were about to reach your peak, Kiro's voice boomed. "You're not allowed to cum." 

Kiro sucked harder, using his tongue to massage your swollen and needy slit as your body shook. His tongue rolling your bud, and a gush of your juices run down his face. No matter what he did or the pleasure that recoiled within your entire being, you couldn't fall over the edge to orgasm. Tears spilled from your eyes as your body went taut with need and pleasure. It hurt as you ached, and your back arched off the mattress completely as you sobbed with bliss. 

 His eyes drank in every moment as you sang for him so perfectly. Oh, he definitely wasn't done with you yet. After all, he was in complete control of you, not wanting to waste the time he had with you under his spell. He released your swollen bud and let his tongue lap at your juices, letting the tip slip into your quivering hole, and he groaned, tasting you. His cock was weeping for attention as precum rolled down his shaft from the head. 

Removing his mouth from your sex, Kiro shot you a beaming smile, as his fingers danced back down, pulling your body towards him. You relaxed, gasping for breath as your cunt pulsed, swollen, and red. Your eyes were glassy, fogged over from your sexual high at the effect of his evol. How beautiful and perfect; such a relaxed expression suited you. Slowly as Kiro nibbled the flesh on your inner thing, letting his fingers run the length of your sex before two made they're way home within your entrance. The starlit thrust in and out slowly, making a slight come hither motion watching your beautiful pained expression. Kiro would never get tired of pleasing you.

“Tell me it feels good. I command you.” His yellow irises locked with yours, and your consciousness faded even further. 

“Yeesss. Kiro, please. You feel so good, baby.” You nearly sobbed, unable to stop the pleading that left your lips and your embarrassing words. 

The celebrity smirked at you as he pressed his fingers up into a soft spongy patch within, and started a come here motion as he assaulted you. He buried his face once again into your sex, tongue lapping your clit with a sense of urgency. Kiro ordered you to scream, so your voice bouncing off the walls. You had no choice but to comply as intense, almost overwhelming pleasure assaulted your entire being. He ordered you to be unable to think of anything but the bliss you were in as intense waves of pleasure wrecked your body. Kiro looked up at your beautiful expression, wanting you to build up your release and edge you further.

“You’re not allowed to cum until I tell you.” His voice held authority that nearly sounded foreign to your ears. However, under his spell, your body held onto the edge of your orgasm, but never truly let you cross over into the abyss of pleasure this orgasm was threatening to be. Tears left your eyes as your greedy cunt pulsed and clinched against the fingers probing and fucking into you.

The most delicious torture.

Kiro hummed as he sucked your clit, as he added more presser to that spot. The starlit would smirk if his mouth wasn't already occupied and buried in your pulsing cunt. You made the most divine moans, curses that where gasped in pure ecstasy made his cock twitch, begging to replace his fingers. Unconsciously he rolled his hips using your leg to relieve the ache within his length. He needed to hurry you along. "I'm about finger fuck you, hard, and you're going to scream as you cum," Kiro ordered bring his tongue to lap your clit once more. He shifted, so his arm had room to move. Eyeing you, Kiro started to move his fingers at a punishing rate, pressing upward and making a come here motion as he did so.

Kiro watched you crumble, look absolutely wrecked over violent tremors of your orgasm. "Good girl." He cooed as you twisted and writhed beneath him, tears running freely down your cheeks. He helped you ride out the waves while planting a few final kisses to your pulsing cunt as he removed his finger. Kiro kissed every inch of flesh as he worked his way up to your body. You sobbed still twitching. He allowed his hands to explore in a comforting way. "You did well, my sweetest treasure." The starlit assured you softly before finally making it to your mouth, kissing you deeply.

“I’m going to enter you.” He spoke, and your pussy involuntarily moistened more and clenched around itself. “I’m going to count my thrusts, and on seven, you will orgasm without fail.” The lust that took your features at his words had him chuckling. “You’re adorable. Even this completely ruined state, you offer the cutest expression, my love.” 

Kiro kissed your nose as she shifted above you. Strong arms wrapped around your body as he laid his weight comfortably across your body. Snug and secure his knees, nudged you to widen your legs for him. You complied completely willing to give yourself over to him and pleasure. 

It was crazy how good his cock felt as it pushed into you. The way your walls stretched and fluttered around his girth, all the ways the length pressed into you. You moaned as your fingers gripped his biceps for leverage.

 “That’s one.” He grunted when finished plunging the entirety of his length within you. “Look at me, baby girl.” He whispered breathlessly. Your eyes locked with his, and he kissed you with every ounce of love he could muster. You sighed as he broke the kiss and rested his damp forehead against yours. 

Nearly withdrawing from your completely and harmonizing his moan with yours as he let every inch slip back in with motive. He breathed out “Two” You felt like crying at how absurdly swollen your spent pussy was, and how amazing it felt to be filled up after so long. “That’s it, baby.” Kiro purred as sweat dripped from his body and rolled down yours. You looked up at him with teary eyes as he repeated his action, only fasted, making you squawk as his balls slapped your ass. “Three.” 

He kissed you deeply, picking up his pace and making you squirm and buck against his length every time his thrust into you. Kiro grunted the numbers into your mouth. “Four, Five, ahh~ Six, ready baby?” You’re body tensed up, preparing for the magical word to leave his lips and send you falling once more into the pit of desire and pleasure. “Seven~.” 

With that, he thrust into you urgently, your body convulsed, and a low moan left from deep in your throat. You felt a gush of liquid leave your body as your nails dug into any skin they came into contact with. Your hips bucked into him, wishing for nothing more than to keep the pleasure frying your every nerve ending going. 

Kiro was all sweat and pants now, the occasional curse that passed his lips fell on deaf ears. His hips smacked into you as your pussy gripped and sucked his cock into the very end of your core. He was climbing as you descend from your high. Your pupils were blown, and your hair matted to the sides of your face. “Kiro~” You gasped, and he was done. His rhythm was offbeat as he pounded his throbbing length into you and spilled his seed eagerly within your depths with every twitch. 

“I release you.” He sighed, pulling out, feeling his seed leak from your quivering hole as he rested his spent body on yours. His face buried between your breasts, listening to your heavy breathing, and rapid heartbeat. Your fingers waved themselves into his sticky and wet blond locks, petting and combing comfortably. You both rested enjoying your blissed-out state and basked in the afterglow of your tryst. 

You stared at the ceiling as your body became your own again. Kiro nestled against your bosom, keeping you warm beneath him. Your body felt fizzy, and your mind dizzy. You remembered every single moment, every command, every orgasm. You leaned down and kissed the crown of his head, gaining the attention of a pair of very blue and dazzling eyes. Kiro gave you a heart wrenching honest boyish grin as his cheek rested on your naked breast. 

“You okay, miss chips?” Kiro asked, his eyes displaying his worry. You couldn’t help but huff a little giggle at the use of your strange pet name. 

“Never better.” You assured him, stroking his cheeks, and smiling as he kissed your inner wrist. Special Thank you to @alloveroliver​ / @alloveroliver-ash​ for proof reading And too @tofuoto​ for being my horny little cheerleader

[florenceandthemachine]

that original lifeline

chapter 2/4 - “you don’t have to be a ghost” - 2.4k

in which Buck doesn’t know how to leave Eddie alone, and Eddie doesn’t know if he wants him to.

read on AO3

“So, how do I know I’m not hallucinating?”

Half a week after being blown up in his own fire truck, nearing the end of his mandated ‘vacation’, and Eddie had just wrapped up one of the better weekends of his entire life. Yes, he was aware of the irony, but any weekend where he got to spend the entire weekend with Chris was a plus in his book. Legos, video games, breakfast food for all three meals, it was literally the kind of weekend that he had absolutely dreamed of when he became a father.

Or, at least, when he resumed being a father after running away to Afghanistan, but that was a whole other can of works that he was bottling up processing in a completely healthy way.

After, though.

After, Eddie had made it all of one day with Chris being in school before he had completely lost his mind. Something about being cooped up in home, speaking to a being that only he could see, without even a hint of human interaction, just didn’t sit right with him.

(Of course, that might have been because the most interaction he had with his team was the occasional text from Hen, but he could work through that hurt later.)

“You really think you’re hallucinating?” Buck’s smile was infectious, more teasing than Eddie would have initially liked, but it was becoming harder and harder to think of Buck as a nuisance instead of a guest. Even now, perched outside of some little pretentious health shop in the heart of LA, Eddie felt more at home with Buck than he had with a stranger before in his life.

Well... Buck wasn’t exactly a stranger, Eddie had to remind himself. After all, they had known one another for most of Eddie’s life.

“Alright, I’ll tell you what. This morning, while Chris was getting, he put two Spider-Man comics into his backpack.”

“That doesn’t prove anything. The kid loves Spider-Man.”

“And an Aquaman comic.”

“Okay, no. No son of mine would betray Marvel for DC.”

Buck smirked, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t know, man. If I’m right, then not only are you stuck with a very much not hallucination, but your son is a traitor.”

Eddie laughed, readjusting the earbud in his ear, nails drumming a pattern out on the back of his phone. He had realized, quickly, that when they were out in public, all he had needed was an earbud in one ear and his phone out—that was all he needed to make the change from ‘crazy person talking to an invisible man’ to ‘another asshole in Los Angeles on his Bluetooth’.

He could deal with that—it was always better to be the asshole than to be the crazy person, even though Los Angeles was filled with both. Buck, to his credit, was being incredibly patient with Eddie’s quirks, seemingly realizing that most of them came from Buck’s presence in the first place; not to mention his inability to leave Eddie, for lack of a better term, the fuck alone.

(Seriously. Eddie had come out of the shower that morning to find Buck sitting on the bathroom counter. The noise he made was decidedly not manly.)

“Look, I’m not saying that I don’t believe you—“

“Okay, sure, lie to the angel, I’m sure that’s going to work out well for you.”

“—anyway, it’s just... why me? Out of everyone on this planet, why am I one of the lucky few that wound up with a... with a Buck?” Eddie finished, easily trampling over Buck’s objections, smiling as Buck knocked their ankles together beneath the table.

“Wish I could tell you, Eds.” Buck started, shrugging. “You’re my third or fourth human, all I know is that I get the assignment, I come, I go. I’m like a stray cat.”

Eddie actually snorted, swallowing another mouthful of lukewarm, carrot and spinach and mango concoction. “You’re a stray cat that I can only see, that literally lifted a fire truck off of the lower half of my body.”

Buck, at least, had the decency to look chagrined. “I’m... a very strong stray cat?”

Eddie would not give in and bang his head against the stupid little juice bar table. He would not.

“I’m serious, Eddie. The only information I get is that you’re my charge, and I’m your angel,” no, Eddie certainly did not enjoy the way he felt, feeling like he was someone’s anything, “and after that fire truck incident, I’m not sure if the universe is testing you, or if it’s testing me, but either way, you shouldn’t be bearing the brunt of all this.”

Eddie frowned, tapping their ankles together once again, shaking his head. “Buck, if I remember correctly, you’ve been the one saving me, so run that up the flagpole.”

Smiling again, Buck nodded, pushing a hand through his hair. “Well, I’ll just tell Athena that, I’m sure she’ll love it.”

“Athena?”

“Oh yeah! She’s kind of like, my boss, you’d love her! She’s the reason I’m still hanging around here, she thinks something big is coming.” Buck said, lighting up, even as Eddie choked on his sludge.

“Your boss.”

“Yeah!”

“Heaven... has a hierarchy.”

“Oh, god no.” Buck said with a laugh, shifting in his seat, leaning closer in toward Eddie—like anyone else would hear him. “You know, I’ve never told a mortal this before. Hell, I’ve never even appeared to a mortal before.” he started, and Eddie found himself leaning in closer, mirroring Buck’s motions easily.

“Where I’m from, it’s not all fluffy clouds and harps and halos and shit like everyone thinks. Athena is like your captain—she gives us our assignments, she helps the guardians grow, she keeps us out of trouble. Us guardians, we’re… well, we’re souls that had our time on earth cut short. So, we spend our time with others, we get to see the world, we get to... well, we get to help the people who really deserve help.” Buck says with a grin, and Eddie feels his cheeks heating up as Buck’s leg rests against his, a dull, warm weight, pressed through the fabric of his jeans.

“Something big, huh? I just don’t get it, Buck. I’ve been around people that are in more dangerous situations than I am, every day. What makes me so special that I get the extraterrestrial guardian?”

Buck laughed, the sound catching Eddie off guard so badly that he didn’t even have time to hide his smile. “Well, ignoring the fact that you just called me an alien…”

“Okay, fair.”

“Eddie, you’re the first human that's ever been able to see me, ever. You may not think it’s a lot, but… well, I think you’re pretty special.”

And, well. Eddie couldn’t give a response to that if he wanted to, cheeks an embarrassing shade of pink. Thankfully, Buck seemed to take the cue to move on, knocking their ankles together easily as he stood up from his chair.

“Now, come on. Chris is off of school in about twenty minutes, what say you go surprise him?”

-

After being with the 118 for almost a year, taking a week off of work was straight up weird. Somehow, though, going back to work was actually weirder.

It was easy enough for Eddie to sink back into his regular habits—teasing Chim, buddying up to Hen, causing Bobby a few more grey hairs, but now it felt like everything had been moved a half an inch to the left. He teased Bosko, and he was looking over her shoulder to see if Buck got the joke. Kind asked about Chris, and he shared a fond look with Buck before he beamed at him and went on about his latest accomplishments. He spent some time in the gym, and he couldn’t help the pleased look on his face when he caught Buck staring at him.

The siren rang. Eddie geared up. They pulled out. Buck, inexplicably, rode shotgun, watching Eddie and watching anything but, and Eddie felt happy, happier than he could remember being in a long, long time.

Six hours and four calls into his first shift back with the 118, and he felt alive again.

(The last call they had received was the ever-classic cat in a tree. Eddie had drawn the short stick and got hoisted up to retrieve the tabby, and Buck had sat on the rung right below him, making kissy noises at the cat and cooing at Eddie. Eddie could still feel his cheeks burning.)

He felt alive—even if he could feel Hen staring at him once in a while, painfully perceptive as always.

“So, Eddie, you have a good week off?”

Eddie sighed, knowing full well that Hen wasn’t just asking about his week off, but he knew well enough to play along. “I did, Hen, thanks. Got to spend some time with Chris, got to spend some time around the house, got to get some sun, not that any of that is why you’re asking.”

“What? I have a vested interest in your wellbeing, Edmundo Diaz, that’s what friends are for.” She said, raising a brow as he flopped down on the couch. “So that’s all? Just you and Chris hanging out? No one else?”

Eddie actually felt his heart seize in his chest, and a quick look over to Buck showed the same level of panic on his face that Eddie was feeling in the very core of his being. “Hen, what are you getting at?”

“I’m just saying…” Hen started, sitting with him on the couch, crossing her legs. “I know that look, Eddie. You haven’t looked like that since your first date with what’s her name, Ana? Chris’ teacher?”

Eddie groaned, hiding his head in his hands. “Don’t remind me.”

“Just an observation. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you met someone with all that luxurious time off.” Hen said, nudging their shoulders together, and Eddie’s head snapped back up to full attention, face bright red as he looked to Hen, and then back to Buck, who was suspiciously silent.

And hell, Eddie was a good liar, he really was, but Hen looked so sincerely happy for him, and Buck wasn’t exactly waving his arms so Eddie decided to test the waters. “I… didn’t meet anyone. Not in the way that you think, anyway. We, um. We just kind of connected at one of those shitty juice bars.”

“Oooh, okay, what’s her name?” Hen was immediately hooked—equal parts nosy and honestly excited friend, Eddie knew, which was why it was so easy to talk to her about things like this.

Eddie swallowed, fiddling with the hem of his teeshirt. “His name is Buck. We spent some time talking, and we just… we really clicked. He’s smart, and he’s kind of protective, and he told me he loves kids, so…”

If Hen was shocked, she didn’t show it, more than her brows raising an inch or so while she nodded her head. “Alright, Buck at the shitty juice bar. Did he give you his number?”

“No, actually, I gave him mine.”

Hen may have been nosy, but the way her face lit up was pure excited best friend, and Eddie let himself smile back at her as she punched his shoulder. “That is what I’m talking about! Damn, Eddie, look at you, taking the first steps. I’m proud of you!”

Eddie groaned as Hen pulled him into a hug, but he took the moment to look at Buck again—still suspiciously silent, but the corners of his mouth were definitely upturned, and Eddie couldn’t help the relief that washed over his body.

The last thing he wanted was his big fucking mouth ruining whatever tentative relationship he and Buck had built over the past few weeks.

-

“You gave me your number, huh?”

Eddie wasn’t sure what he was more thankful for—the fact that he got to have an active (dare he say fun) first day back at work, or the fact that it wound down with little incident after back to back to back calls. Well, no, right now he was thankful that he was stopped at a stop light when Buck said that so he wasn’t tempted to veer into oncoming traffic out of sheer embarrassment. “Well, it seemed like an easier, less psychotic answer than telling her that you literally lifted a firetruck off of me.”

Buck laughed and Eddie felt himself warming at the sound, turning the wheel as he took off, another comfortable silence falling between them.

“Eddie, you know I won’t be hanging around forever, right? My job is to protect you, and once the universe decides to cut you a break, I’ll… I’ll have to move on.”

Eddie felt his smile fall into something softer as Buck looked out the window, humming thoughtfully, shrugging his shoulder as he pulled into the driveway. “Yeah, I’m aware. But while you are here… no reason we can’t be friendly outside a shitty juice bar, right?”

Tracking Buck’s movement as they slid out of the car, Eddie leaned back against the drivers door of his truck, once again tickled by the thought of Buck riding shotgun with him.

“Well, I… like being friendly with you too, Ed—“

“Dad!”

Eddie immediately snapped his head to the door, grinning as Chris came down the patio stairs, instantly stooping down to pull his kid into his arms, swinging Chris around in an easy hug before setting him back down on his feet. Chris started to ramble on about his day as Eddie pulled his things out from the back seat, pulling duffle bags over his shoulders and papers beneath his arms. He shared an easy smile with Buck as he straightened up, looking back down to Chris as he started to trail off.

“Dad, are you gonna introduce me to your friend?”

Eddie turned on his heel, trying to see if anyone else had come up to the front door while he was standing there, but no, it was just he and Chris, and…

…and Buck, who was now taking Chris’ hand, with a shocked smile on his face.

His son was shaking hands with his guardian angel. His guardian angel, who no one—other than Eddie—was supposed to see.

“I’m Chris. Do you work with my dad?”

What the fuck.

[ganymedesclock]

I like that you have a more positive take on the writers' handling of Lotor than most Voltron fans. But I wanted to ask you: do you think it was unfair for the paladins to accuse Lotor of murder when the paladins themselves had probably killed thousands of Galra when they blew up those cruisers? I think you might have already made a post about this, that the cruisers were mostly filled with robotic sentries, but I can't find it.

We do see that a lot of the cruisers were automated, but, even so: I feel like it is disingenuous to insinuate killing enemy soldiers is the same thing as experimenting on hostages under false pretenses.

This is a thing I come back to a lot- I think when you love a character it is very tempting to think they didn’t do anything “that bad”.

The reality is though, from jump, Lotor has a pretty clear bitter streak. He’s not too apologetic about hurting people if he thinks it’s necessary to advance a goal. This feeds in with his interaction with Ven’tar and his grief at that colony- while his grief was sincere, his argument with Zarkon was also on the basis that this was not necessary to do. There was nothing to gain from hurting Ven’tar’s people that couldn’t have been gained with interest from taking the time to spare and work with them.

So basically Lotor as a character is established as someone who, all factors the same, would like to not hurt anyone. But if he doesn’t feel like that’s on the table- or if he can’t afford the price tag- he sighs and gets out the knife and more or less gets over it. This is how we see him established in season 3. The ideal bait to get Voltron out of hiding is putting Puig to gunpoint- so he does. And he doesn’t feel sorry. He knows they’re rebuilding. He knows they’re afraid and hurting. He doesn’t relish in it. But he does it anyway.

(Lotor does, sometimes, relish hurting people. We largely see this happen towards Throk, and then again when the rift kind of coaxes it out of him with loosening standards- the pattern that seems to emerge is that he gets vindictive enjoyment hurting people he perceives as ‘they were going to hurt me, but I drew on them first’. And even this seems to have its limits- he’s not shown to be enjoying it at any point in his slaying of Zarkon in Blood Duel, though that could be a combination of how close that fight was- it was more of a desperate struggle for survival, and he got past it. He may have been more vindictive if he felt that he had the decisive upper hand on Zarkon)

The thing about the memorial statue in the colony is that, to me, it’s pretty unambiguous Lotor put it there, and against his ‘more sensible ideas’- because the person we see interacting with it is Romelle, who has doubts. From her perspective, we look at this, and see the numbers, and go “isn’t this too many? we don’t have contact with all of these people? the situation hasn’t changed at all so that we can open communications? Why does it feel so much like a grave?”

But this is a kind of regret on Lotor’s part that can only come on the idea that Lotor sees what he’s doing, that he is methodically digging a set number of graves, and calling for a set number of people to fill them, and they come obediently and lie down in their graves.

This is very different from Keith running Macidus through, or a ship being torn apart during a space battle. Legally, we regard these as different things. Battlefield casualties vs. premeditated murder. Those words have meaning and definitions that are not about “which one sounds scarier or more like an evil thing to do?” Lotor knew he was going to kill people, made plans to kill people, and then killed them. Did he also feel bad about it, or helpless, and could you argue a bunch of factors led him to that point? Yeah. But, it’s still, premeditated murder, outside of a combat situation. The paladins do not do that. 

The paladins are not taking issue with the fact that Lotor takes life and insinuating that they have never taken any lives or endorsed life-taking. If they had, they would have taken issue with killing Zarkon back in Blood Duel. They didn’t.

This is a conflict we see specifically rear its head in Omega Shield- when a mutual ally is threatened, Lotor’s reaction is “can we afford their lives?” while the paladins’ reaction is “oh, if we have to cover our defenses here and there, that just means we should split up. Protecting that colony or not isn’t a question.” And it’s a difference in perspective Lotor notes, but Allura does not. The idea of who’s an innocent and who’s not- who’s “okay to kill”- is not what’s being discussed here. It’s the idea that once you establish someone is a noncombatant, civilian, ‘defenseless’, ‘an innocent’- what’s the value of their life? 

I think if there’s a point you could potentially argue weakens the argument, it’s that the paladins aren’t doing something comparable to what Lotor is. We see a quieter / less “there is a several hundred person kill count on the line” version with the Blade of Marmora- Allura points out that Kolivan’s been keeping his head down for a long time, which has to have required he and his forces not directly challenging the empire and stopping them from hurting others.

The reality is Lotor, the Blade, and most of the universe has, one way or another, been surviving. They haven’t been in a position to challenge Zarkon directly. The paladins, as soon as they enter the field, are in that position. So basically the paladins never have to worry about playing survival, or about “what they can afford or not”- it’s all do or die. They don’t play a long game of defense. And this isn’t exclusive to aliens, either- we see this in season 7, with the Garrison. Again, same issue: “playing survival when you don’t have the resources to win”- creates an environment where morally gray, or even morally offensive, choices, look tempting.

Ultimately though, I don’t think that’s too meaningful as a discussion to have- that they ‘should have’ put the Paladins through the trolley problem purely to give them potential grounds to argue with Lotor about. The truth is, no matter how much I like Lotor as a character, I agree with the series’ consensus that this was crossing a line.

(And, I feel like mentally stuffing helpless slaves inside of the cruisers that are blown up for every space battle purely to insist Voltron killed innocents is also not a productive intellectual game- because you need to think of this as a story. Things happen in a story to tell a certain message- they are ruled by multiple factors.