#i love them and theyre both at the same level on my favors

[callixspod]

multiverse going crazy

[suffarustuffaru]

Since we’ve got his parents, Reinhard?

i love how you and like two anons put in reinhard for the ask game aljsldf yall already know i am an astrea blog now (affectionate). and. okay this post turned out to be far more complicated than i thought so expect an essay <3

Sexuality Headcanon: aroace OR gay + aroace spectrum. he HAS the ace flag color scheme guys!! (i think he does not know any of this about himself bc his sense of self is so fucked by the entire world weaponizing him since he was like four. GOD T^T). however i will also accept bi reinhard (bc reinhard x emilia. their parallels are fun.)

Gender Headcanon: if he doesnt got a Bit of gender going on, how come he also got the nonbinary flag color scheme?? (affectionate). i just think hes not Entirely cis okay. he probably hasnt even considered it much (bc hes repressed... bc Zero sense of self... someone pls help set him free) hes just kinda shrugged his shoulders and went "i GUESS i am a boy. do i mind? no. would i also like to Not be a boy? thatd be pretty neat too. anything goes. all of the above?? *insert thinking emote*". i simply think he is everything everywhere all at once.

A ship I have with said character: i AM fond of reinsuba!! i just like how much they foil each other (being able to die but unable to stay dead due to higher powers, subarus loving family vs reinhards mess of a family, hero expectations, both of them having their moms eyes but their dads hair and color palette, wilhelm favoring subaru over reinhard, heinkel and subaru's similarities, reinsuba both being loved by the world, the various if reinsuba dynamics that occur -)

BUT reinsuba is popular. i am here to spread my ultimate beloved reinhard ship agenda - REINHARD AND JULIUS. i made like a Long text post on them a while back but okay im INSANE over their dynamic fr. theres so much potential there. their dynamic is so complicated, and theres like such an Unevenness to their relationship from the get go because reinhard and julius dont even have the same STORY in line when it comes to how they even met each other?? like reinhard thinks he met julius when he (reinhard) was 14 and they were just knights in training.

JULIUS HOWEVER remembers that he was ten when he learned of reinhard (who was eight at the time) and reinhard singlehandedly crushed julius's knighthood dreams because julius will NEVER measure up to reinhard's level. and you can see it in the way he talks about reinhard when reinhard isnt there - especially in his conversations with subaru about reinhard in arc 5 and 6. theres a fondness there, because julius really does care about reinhard, but theres So Much distance. reinhard has always been above julius - in power levels, but also you get the sense that they are just Not Close. theyre friends, but theyre not Super Intimate, though it feels like julius kind of Aches to be at least a little closer, u know? bc julius doesnt feel like theyre equals. but it feels like to reinhard, hes just kinda head empty and he Already thinks he and julius are equals - reinhard might even be a little jealous about julius and joshuas relationship because reinhard is oblivious and doesnt know ANY of the details. reinhard just sees julius and joshua and goes oh theyre good brothers <3 its good they have each other.

AND its like.... reinhard x julius would be like that kind of childhood friend that you end up pining for, but for Multiple Reasons (bc reinjuli are both extremely Repressed with their own Traumas, julius doesnt feel like he'll ever be equal to reinhard perhaps, reinhard having such a loose sense of self probably. bc hes been taught to only think of himself through what he can do for other people) it never works out. neither party confesses to the other. neither of them get any closer than Just surface level friends that just pine from a distance. and this is further destroyed by the fact that 1. the fact that reinhard considers subaru a best friend when they REALLY have not talked that much and then 2. subaru being closer with julius while subarus friendship with reinhard isnt so intimate and then 3. subaru and julius, after julius's name gets erased, thinks that reinhard, AKA the sword saint, would be the person with the greatest chance of remembering julius, right?

and then reinhard doesnt remember julius at all. it just. URHG. there is so much tragedy to reinhard and julius's relationship. and i really do think that its possible reinhard, just as julius has, may have felt a tiny bit of jealousy towards julius - on the surface, it looks like julius has/had it all. a younger brother that seemingly adores him, and previously, julius had his two parents before they died, and julius had his uncle. julius is able to be a knight with a little less of the restraints and expectations that reinhard has. julius is able to be Normal but still be a knight...

oh and also. previously mentioned reinhard x emilia (foils bc. family drama given the sirius=fortuna theory and petelgeuse... being doormats... dehumanization, except emilia is in the shadow of satella and therefore Hated by many while reinhard is the Hero and thats all he'll ever be... struggling with doing things on their own in the sense that they Are used to doing what theyre told or expected to do a lot bc of others speaking over them? etc). reinhard/emilia/subaru is great too. yes. good stuff. they can fit so much foils and trauma and power dynamics between all three of them.

A BROTP I have with said character: reinhard and felt ALL the way... which i know other people have mentioned pfft but its true. theyre great. i will mention reinhard and felix also though!!!! aaa i just think reinhard and felix and julius forming a little trio is cute tho they do love each other <33 and reinhard is. such a doormat. like he folds like a paper towel :((( bc of Psychological Trauma. and bc hes a poor little meow meow. MEANWHILE felix is definitely more honest and absolutely will call out on any bullshit. reinhard is softer and more strained while felix Is Not. i like the balance they have. and i DO like to think felix seethes at least a little bit inside seeing wilhelm everyday. no way felix isnt at least a tiny bit defensive, given wilhelms prior treatment of reinhard and also wilhelm fighting AGAINST DEMIHUMANS IN THE DEMIHUMAN WAR.....

A NOTP I have with said character: PLEASE not reinhard x felt. PLEASE. she is like fifteen and he is like twenty T^TTT pls. they are SIBLINGS. she is his new little sister!!!

A random headcanon: ive done a few doodles of this before but - reinhard mustve been a little unhinged as a kid. i mean in the sense that Before Shit Hit The Fan, reinhard was just your average little kid, not traumatized Yet, right? raising a Normal kid that doesnt have superpowers is tough. AND THEN YOU HAVE REINHARD. mr. "i can get any divine protection ever the moment i specifically need it". im talking like - wild shit mustve happened. and it DID, because *insert the entire once upon a time in lugunica side story here*. but i also mean weird things like little baby reinhard mysteriously ending up on the mansion rooftop. reinhard tugging on his dads cloak and going "papa pls look at what i drew :D" - which is normal little kid stuff until he shows his paper and WOAH WHAT THE FUCK A HYPERREALISTIC DRAWING IN CRAYON?? YOURE LIKE THREE YEARS OLD??? or reinhard just climbing onto chandeliers hanging from a very high ceiling. or reinhard trying to play tag and then u fucking blink once and suddenly hes run like an entire mile away with no issue. you gift him a stuffed animal and he accidentally hugs it too hard and cotton explodes everywhere. that sort of thing. giving a child superpowers is a recipe for disaster and theyre all lucky reinhard was a very timid and sweet kid.

General Opinion over said character:

he is the poorest little meow meow. he is so kind and sweet despite his whole upbringing and the fact that people keep trying to make him into a tool to use. his monster complex makes me sad :((( he deserves the world and the world loves him but he is So So Alone because of the world's love. he needs a hug :((( i hope he gets ALL the development... ALL the happiness eventually.... and ALSO i am hyped for when we finally get reinhards POV in the story!!! you ALWAYS get the sense that hes untouchable while simultaneously being Human and im so sad about all the dehumanization hes faced and it is just so sad about how so many of the things he says is like a cry for help. and there Is No Helping Him Atm bc the kingdom has him in a vice grip. and hes still so loyal to his family, who absolutely hate him. and hes expected to have kids - hes the same age as his fucking frozen in time mom now - to pass on the sword saint dp but like he must be afraid of fucking up his kids too :(( of having to pass down that power and put the same pressure he faced On His Kids Now :((((((( i just wish him the best!!! but let me just *squeezes him like a chew toy first*

[hellhoundlair]

could we have some more thoughts on ruby posessing deans body post-s3?

how would dean react when he returned?

thank you for asking, my lovely little anon. i totally forgot i had mentioned this a while back and being reminded of it has made me go holy shit.... my mind.....

(putting a cut here because i wrote a lot)

i think it all would have started very shortly after dean died. the entire foundation of sam and rubys relationship at this point has been that sam has reluctantly agreed to be rubys ally for the sake of saving dean. ruby KNOWS how far sam is willing to go for him and is already using that to manipulate sam from the moment they meet. she knows. like she knows knows. maybe just from being around him or from stalking him or from a hearing it from a little birdie whos been in sams head before. but she knows.

I dont know how long the gap between ruby being possessed by lilith and ruby coming back would be, id imagine a few days, giving sam time to grieve dean or at least to accept the fact that hes dead before ruby shows up in a brand new (or all to familiar) body.

i wont pretend to understand how possession works, especially when its happening to a dead character. i dont think the writers knew either so itd be safe to make up my own rules about it. but its deans body. polished and buffed with not a scratch on him.

sams reaction would be similar to the one we see in the show. hed think dean was undead (technically right) and try to kill ruby before she can get a word out.

and ruby would explain it to sam like hes an idiot, like the reason behind her possessing dean is a no brainer. shes keeping deans body warm for when they get him back. otherwise who knows what will get to him first? this isnt possessing someone and controlling their body against their will. this is a favor. and sam will feel stupid and concede that shes right even if hes uncomfortable with the idea.

it starts immediately. sam treating ruby like she really is dean. without even thinking about it sams already agreed to work together with ruby in bringing dean back and theyre running off together without a word into an all too familiar routine - the only difference being that sam sits in the drivers seat now, and even that is back to normal after sam gets injured on the job and ruby drives them both to safety, a hand clutching sams bleeding shoulder and telling him hes gonna be alright and theyre gonna get back and patch him up and he'll be good as new. and its all too achingly familiar that sams holding her hand on top of his wound and letting himself fall asleep, putting trust in her that he would only ever put in dean.

its the same, but its not. ruby for the most part leans into the dean-isms, but jolts sam back to reality sometimes when she lets her eyes linger while sams just out of the shower bent over looking through his duffle for clean clothes, when shes giving him a hungry look that sams only ever seen dean direct at girls in bars that makes sams stomach flutter. when ruby moves in for the kill it takes suprisingly little convincing to get sam okay with the idea. like hes been waiting to just be told that its okay to want it this entire time.

before they know it deans back (despite bringing dean back being against rubys plans) and in his own body (she has to keep her promises) and ruby has plucked the body of a legally dead jane doe to parade around in. and its. different. dean takes sams new affinity for physical contact as a reaction to finally having dean back, that he needs to feel that deans really there to believe it, but its a lot. a lot more than hes used to from sam.

he doesnt know. not for a while. he wouldnt think to suspect it. until eventually the truth comes out and deans fucking pissed that no one thought to tell him a fucking demon was piloting around his body for a few months, but he doesnt understand the level of reaction that sam gives. how guilty sam feels. until the guilt and the touching and ruby acting like sams jealous ex starts coming together in deans mind.

even if dean has feelings for sam or wouldve done the exact same if he was in sams position, i think it would still feel like a violation. sam took something that dean didnt give and for dean to realise that right after coming out of hell by the only person in the world he would trust not to violate him that way? itd be a lot to deal with. he'd push down his panic over it and laugh about it and make fun of sam for it and stop the conversation when sam sees straight through him and tries to have a genuine heart to heart about it because dean cant fucking handle the thought of having to talk about the repeated brutal rape and torture sessions he both endured and enacted in hell, or to console sam over it when he might fucking snap and beat him with a crowbar if he has to see sam acting like a kicked dog when hes the one who raped him.

it'd take a lot for them to work through. it wouldnt be sunshine and rainbows while they kiss and both declare their love for each other. dean doesnt talk about hell but they both know the memories consume him, a newfound violence in the way he kills, the effective coldness in the way he tortures and interrogates. the distance in his eyes when sam tries to talk to him when hes in that mindspace. thered be a lot of acting like they used to, then eventually dean snapping either because hes frustrated with feeling like he has to act like things are normal and that hes okay with what sam did, or frustrated that things do feel normal and that he still feels safe around sam.

they fight. its bad. not in a property damage way but in an emotions way because it all comes out. and then they slowly and gently work through it one step at a time.

[hankwritten]

y'know whats really suprising (at least to me)? that as far as i can tell, nobody has ever made an rvb/tf2 crossover. when ya get right down to it, theyre both about two teams of color coded idiots fighting over nothing in the middle of nowhere who eventually have to deal with grander threats. maybe theyre not exactly ripe fer a crossover due to the differing time periods, but it could be made to work

I wouldn't go so far as to call them crossovers, but at the very height of being into both tf2 and rvb I stumbled across someone's SFM videos with the audio sourced from rvb (taking audio of comedy skits and making SFMs out of them was its own whole genre, so I'd say it was more in line with that trend than a true attempt to cross the fandoms) In all honesty they were...not very good. But my passion was high and my standards were very low so I watched a lot of not very good SFMs during that time anyway.

I did a bit of preliminary searching, and I found some vids with a similar concept (which are also the same level of Not Very Good) but the exact collection of short videos I didn't find. May be lost to history at this point.

Younger me (<== contained not a single drop of SFM skill at the time) often did fantasize about making tf2 SFM animations But Good. I remember distinctly thinking that the "let me borrow the sniper rifle" bit would translate to tf2 so well, and be super funny. Actually! Demo and Sniper's scene in Territorial Control was based on that long remembered joke, arrived through the ages to take on a life of its own.

Circling back to sort of your original point nonny, I love the few times I've gotten to explain rvb to a friend who's only familiar with tf2. The idea that both canons have a conflict of Red and Blue needing to be kept in the dark that they're being puppet-ed by the same organization is so juicy; also, how rvb both takes people finding out both more seriously and less seriously than tf2. How it's both a joke and no one cares, (Tucker about to reveal it, then getting run over by a car and getting convenient amnesia and the plot moving on since it's for a joke and not *actually* a big deal) but then also when it is For Real revealed MANY seasons later, it leads to Sarge's breakdown and crisis of faith. One of my Sadness over tf2 canon is that this level of gravity is never given to the R/B conflict, it's just sort of quietly set aside in favor Mann vs Machine, which is set aside for Fortress vs Classics, which itself is being set aside in the last issue. Red vs Blue proves that you can move on to bigger and more elaborate conflicts, and you could have given a satisfying resolution to the initial duplicity/intrigue of the pointlessness of their whole war.

Anyway, I don't know if any of the rvb cast would get along w the tf2 mercs since their shtick is hating the world and each other, but I do think it'd be funny if the "everyone likes Donut even people who's whole thing is being a bitch" continued into the new canon. All of the mercs are like. Yeah these multicolored space marines who alternate timelined to New Mexico (alternate timelining into other video games is canon in rvb so fuck yeah) suck major ass. But that pink one. I find him oddly charming for some reason.

Texas gets Worf Effect'd. Her canon powers of "can beat everyone up super easily, but always ends up losing due to These Idiot's Hyjinks" absolutely applies when she inevitably fights the mercs.

Sniper takes Church at face value when he says he's a good sniper and is fine with just sitting around and not talking and killing shit. But as soon as they go somewhere to nest up this blue dude will just not shut up for some reason and Sniper gets fed up with him real fast.

Anyway~ most of my thoughts. I haven't been into rvb in a long time but it was nice to jog these old ideas again.

[mejomonster]

i’m on my school president ep 7. my thoughts so far (very biased by ya know, favoring action romance and not vibing much with fluff romcoms):

this IS a great show for you if you DO like fluff romcoms! so please do check it out if this is your thing. the actors get more clearly solid if you give it a couple episodes, its a good cast. its cute. its episode of the week almost in terms of conflicts so it feels a lot like a romcom anime in pacing. if that’s ur thing? you’ll love this

me? mm. well. i really do not care for fluff romcoms lol. it is not the same level as Bad Buddy. Even though it gets compared to Bad Buddy and people told me i’d like this if i liked Bad Buddy. This is GOOD for what it is (romcom). Bad Buddy was not pure romcom though, it had some heavier level angst in there. It had some family conflicts and each main character had a personal character arc that was around equal weight to their romance arc (possibly heavier than their romance arc honestly). Bad Buddy was a coming of age romance/growing up story and more 10 Things I Hate About You vibes (fitting as they’re both shakespeare based lol). My School President IS relatable to senior high schooler coming of age, and the kids do deal with parental wishes/financial pressures/dreams. But at least so far, there’s a safety security there that’s more comforting romcom than real danger - their parents ultimately always pick their kids dreams and support them, their parents ultimately want their kids to be happy, their kids crushes ultimately like the other person back, the reason people can’t date is mostly personal feelings about a club and dating drama in a club so no big UNAVOIDABLE conflict the dating barrier is really not that big of a deal. it feels big because theyre teens and friends ‘forbidding’ it or tradition ‘forbidding it’ feels huge. But this is like the Bad Buddy friends with rivalries, except no ones even being punched and suspended and breaking property. The real ‘conflict’ of bad buddy was selfish parents taking their own issues on their kids, and that kind of heavy awful conflict is just not present here. 

My School President is a feel good show. i don’t have to worry Gun will give up music, or that his mom will truly go broke if he doesn’t get a job, or that Tinn’s mom would actually make her son not date someone he loves, etc. Now this show COULD 180 me and suddenly get serious and make these conflicts SERIOUS and actually kill Gun’s mom or have Tinn’s mom be abusive and ban him from things he likes, but i Really do NOT think this show wants to be heavy like that. and i’m cool with it. i’d prefer it light. if it’s going to be light STAY light (which is maybe why ppl compare it to bad buddy - i think some people WANTED bad buddy to stay lighter hearted and didn’t expect it to tackle serious parental issues and life problems so much). so like. My School President is just a different kind of story, which is good if you’re looking FOR a lighter hearted ‘it will all turn out okay’ slice of life teens story. i do like it for that in it’s own way.

its currently my ‘break’ show. turn on to just see happy people crushing and things turning out okay. i bet if i was back in high school it’d be comforting the way teen slice of life anime romcoms were when i was in high school. i’m not absolutely in love with the show but i think that comes down to me just personally liking other genres usually.

an fyi on the actors by the way: if you DO like romcoms, and the initial acting performances u weren’t sure on, give it a few episodes. i think like many show first episode opens, it takes a minute to warm up. the lead actors Are actually quite good, they’re also playing a couple in Moonlight Chicken right now and its clear in that show they Can do nuance, so My School President is just more fluffy story type characters with a script mainly on crushes and school conflicts. they’re good at acting its just there’s maybe not the weight u expected if you saw bad buddy last.

[actualbird]

Which of the boys do you think would produce the best, as in healthiest, relationship with Rosa? Personally, my bet is Artem. I feel like their relationship is very equal as partners (I mean this figuratively and literally haha). Also, I feel like they just have a lot of maturity between the two of them. Idk when I see Rosa with Artem I’m just like damn, that’s a nice power couple right there lol

I just wanted your opinion on it because I feel like your analysis on all the characters are so accurate and real. Thank you for your time. ❤️

hi, anon!! im so glad you liked my character analyses :D

and the response i'll give here is a response i think i gave for another q i answered a while back (and that i cannot find JHVKSJDHF) that was along the same lines, it asked smthng like: which pairing is the best endgame

my answer: any of em! all of em! none of em! but lemme explain

on an story/character analysis level: every pairing between mc and respective boy comes with its strengths and its flaws. every pairing has certain insecurities on either party's end or on both their ends that could spell trouble in the future if not addressed. and yet, every pairing still has the complete potential to weather through those troubles and problems due to the pairing's strengths and also due the general nature of how character/relationship development works. so like, every pairing can become great. and every pairing can crash and burn.

and so ive got a semblance of Something to back this up, lemme use my faves, luke and mc.

theyre wonderful, i adore them so so much. at the current point in their relationship (aka together thru the events of luke's anniv card, SSR Under the Milky Way), it's been shown that mc's hope and determination can cut through luke's tendency towards secrecy and salf-sacrifice, can make luke work harder to be better, to trust, to be honest and let himself love. thats healthy, thats awesome, thats great.

SSR Under the Milky Way also showed that luke has the tendency to backslide into bad habits, even when hes promised to never do that bad habit again (you can read more about it in my ridiculously long analysis of that card here jhsvkjfh). if that continues in a relationship, thats unhealthy, thats counter-productive, thats not great.

now thats just one (1) thing in one (1) pairing. theres so much more for luke/mc, and each of the pairings? theyve all got traits, patterns, and tendencies that can either work in their favor or be something that can shoot them down. thats among the reasons i love these characters so much, theyve got such awesome strengths and such deep flaws.

they all have the potential to be the "best", and they all have the potential to be the "worst", so i feel as trying to figure out who is which would either be impossible or would have to ignore a Bunch of stuff important to the story and the characters to reach a conclusion.

now, on a personal level: i just dont like the idea of any kind of "ranking" of ships! thats just how i am. cuz my general philosophy on relationships and romance and love is, like i said, filled with the potential to either go great or go south. actually, past romance, this is true. every relationship, romantic or platonic or familiar, boils down to the choices one makes when faced with problems, change, and growth

in conclusion: while ive got my own personal fave ships, i dont think i'll ever want to take an analysis lens to see what ship is the "best" cuz

1) i dont think i can answer that with the canon we've currently got and the nature of how these stories are still ongoing and thus, are subject to change and filled with potential for either "best" or "worst. and

2) it's just not my style cuz im a hopeless romantic that believes anything can be good if people work on it with their all

this most probably is not the answer u were expecting and im very sorry HUHU....still, thank you for the ask!! and thank you for reading my stuff :D

[mousehole5000]

tgcf again chapters 174-191. im now midway through book 4. pain and suffering. and yet also.... this is really good.... but also.... pain...

okay cave of ten thousand gods everythings coming out into the light.... xie lian pretending not to hear fengqing drop their act im emotional..... fengqing silently working together to separate xie lian and hua cheng im emotional..... every word that comes out of mu qing’s mouth im emotional....

honestly reading the xianle trio discussing hua cheng.. its very hard for me NOT to project all the times ive been in a friendship trio and someone got a boyfriend the other two didnt like (which was every time. theres never been a bf everyone liked. sometimes i was the one who had the bf. there were no winners then and tbh i predict there will be no real winners here as far as this friendship goes but such is life)

mu qing is so smart he’s clever he’s tricksy i love it i love him ugh

“A pair of arms had circled around him from behind, and hugged him with force all of a sudden. Xie Lian had buried his face in his back, and also didn’t speak. Though nothing was said, it was enough.” okay i cant get into every different way im feeling about whats going down bc it would get Too Personal but this..... im emo. also xie lian saying “something like this has to be said clearly“ and then proceeding to not say a word just going in for a hug is a mood

“He heard Hua Cheng’s staggering voice coming from above. “...Your Highness. You really…will be the death of me.” - ok well DONT SAY THAT!! now im worried!!!

“Hua Cheng, however, only snorted, appearing as if his eyes could see through the thick rocky walls. He said darkly, “Don’t worry. If he kills one, I’ll make ten more. Fast and furious like the storms, I will never back down. Let’s see who’s the one left standing in the end.” Xie Lian’s heart skipped a beat for some reason, and he mumbled inwardly, “... Oh no, this is bad.” Even though Hua Cheng’s expression was subconsciously displayed, Xie Lian really was quite weak to this aggressive and rebellious confidence of his.” - fjadskfajsl its okay xie lian honey you never know whats going to do it for you

okay so are the murals and statues are only from the xianle era? im hoping hua cheng didnt secretly follow xie lian during his time as a mortal during the entire 800 years and then pretend to a total stranger that would be too much imo lets see. i still really do get why feng xin and mu qing are like “...dude wtf lets get out of here stay away from that guy” (also tbh probably if theyd all managed to stay close... this probably wouldnt be happening which isnt a judgement im just saying bc thats definitely how ive felt about friendships) although this whole thing IS indeed tinged with homophobia which i still dont think makes sense in this setting but whatever i guess.

BOOK 4!!!! im scared

“A few days ago he nearly fainted, and it was only after that did he realize it was because he hadn’t had anything to eat for several days.” - unfortunately relatable but :(

“Ever since Xie Lian was young, he had never had to consider these kinds of affairs, and this was truly the first time in decades that this problem gripped him. However, if gods didn’t even know what starvation felt like, how could they possibly understand the feelings of a starving worshipper? How could they possibly empathize? At this point, he could only take this experience as a form of training.” - TRUE THO!!!!!!!! i like seeing this even tho the circumstances are sad

wait does xie lian get his bad cooking skills from him mom? im gonna cry...

“After returning to the city, Mu Qing’s stomach was still turning. He said as he stumbled, “I thought…that porridge, it smelled like bran water, but I hadn’t thought it’d taste like it too!” Feng Xin gritted his teeth. “Shut up! Don’t force people to remember that pot of stuff! The queen is…body of ten thousand gold after all…never cooked…this is already…UGH!…” Mu Qing humphed. “Did I say something wrong? If you didn’t think it was like bran water, why don’t you…go ask the queen to grant you another bowl! UGH!…” The two were heaving back and forth, and Xie Lian grabbed hold of the both of them, patting their backs.” - xianle trio.... including simply because it made me do the pleading emoji in real life..... also the way the queen wanted to feed all of them... weeping

i didnt realize that mu qing would still be around during this time.... god the fact that i know theyre all going to split......

“It’s precisely because it’s a time like this that money has to be brought up!” Mu Qing countered. “A time like this? What time is it? Time when we’re starving! It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to admit it, but nothing can be done without money! Can you both not just suck it up a little bit?” - mu qing i love you. god.... for real the fact that he comes from a completely different background than the other two is so important to his character and i think it shows so much in the way he continues to be in the present. he gives me the vibe of someone who is smart and hardworking but is bitter about it and tbh!!!! i get why he is!!! he’s very aware of these kinds of concerns bc he’s had to be, while the other two kind of think theyre above it and its a big difference between them. he’s still separated by the circumstances of his birth despite how much harder he’s worked to get to where he is.... ugh painful and delicious

i really am enjoying the xianle story tbh. xie lian going from his highness, favored by heaven, well-intentioned but lacking in experience and understanding to living in poverty and fighting with mortals who disrespect him. fucking delicious i mean this sincerely and respectfully im sad but i really like his character arc. and then to how he is in the present....

“Mu Qing looked at him, speaking not a word. Then he bowed deeply and really turned around to walk away.” - OH NO ITS HAPPENING AHHHHH ;_; honestly all of this hurts but it feels real like i think mu qing has every right to want to leave honestly and he DOES have other family and other ambitions outside of the trio... and i get why feng xin is mad about him wanting to leave when theyre suffering!! and i get why xie lian lets him go.... friendships are hard man and the pain of them splitting is rough!!!!

“Mu Qing’s departure had really shocked him to the core. First, he had never thought that someone so close would just up and leave. Second, Xie Lian had always believed in “forever”. For example, friends would always be friends forever; no betrayal, no deception, no breaking up. Perhaps there’d be times when they’d part, but it for sure wouldn’t be over reasons like “life is too horrible” - pain. just pain. same as above i get it but it hurts

“Xie Lian didn’t know too well just how much money would be considered normal when buying over ten lanterns, and he never looked at the price tag when he purchased things in the past.” - i feel bad kicking him while he’s down and he’s still trying to be kind even when it costs him but this is the first thing that came into my mind

but also oh?? spirits of soldiers from the battlefield you say?? hmmm i wonder... who.... could possibly be among them....

“If you remain forcibly, you won’t be able to rest in peace,” Xie Lian said. The nameless ghost didn’t seem to care. “I pray to never rest in peace.” -  i cant lie this legit gave me goosebumps lol

“Xie Lian himself was alright in suffering through it, since there were far too many other things to worry about. But his mother, who had lived a comfortable, luxurious life, when had she ever done such crude labour? But if the queen didn’t do this work herself, who else could take over?” - hmmmm!!! housekeeping!!!! it matters!!!! rich people dont appreciate how much until they have to do it themselves!!! but this still makes me sad

oh god THATS when they pawned hongjing?? with the king sick and mu qing leaving?? :(((( even more emotional about its appearances in the present day

“That passerby chuckled. “You don’t know? This is too exciting! The servant is beating the master!” - oh god the dramatic and ironic timing of it all

god..... this is just... a sad time....

“MU QING ISN’T LIKE YOU ALL. HE’S MY FRIEND, HE WOULD NEVER HELP YOU!!!” [cut to] “Those were the only words echoing in Xie Lian’s mind, but he couldn’t utter a single sound, and could only crazily grab at anything at his disposal to throw. He didn’t care who he was hurling at, either. Finally, Mu Qing couldn’t take this anymore, and he steeled his face as he swept his sleeves and left. Xie Lian panted harshly for a bit and fell back down, spacing out again.”- IM SAD!!!!!! tbh i wonder if on some level xie lian kind of felt like mu qing owed him? i know he said to forget about that stuff to both of them but its one thinig to say it and think you mean it and another to have to deal with it

white no-face what is your DEAL!! also all the little fire ghost bits im...

“After having exchanged so many words, Feng Xin finally got the gist of what had transpired. He widened his eyes and pointed at Mu Qing, unable to speak. A moment later, he bent down and grabbed a sack and flung it over, roaring. “SCRAM! SCRAM SCRAM SCRAM!” Mu Qing was hit in the face by the sacks of rice he brought and backed two steps away. All three of them in the house were panting harshly.” - this is it this is the part where i closed my laptop and said “noOOooOOOoooo” out loud to my room im so upset... and mu qing still tried to leave the rice even after the broom thing im ;_;

“Feng Xin was completely convinced that he would never do such a thing, but that was precisely why this had become the worst-case scenario!” - pain, suffering, dismay, etc

“Feng Xin continued, “If Your Highness thinks your life might be in danger, I can finish this for you, I won’t tell Her Majesty, haha.” - bless your heart for trying feng xin

“But it shouldn’t be like this. The Feng Xin of the past would have absolute faith in him no matter what! Even if there was only twenty percent doubt, it was still unbearable!” - AHHHHHHH okay idk if i really have much to say about their relationship other than im sad but IM SAD!!!!

the differences between feng xin and mu qing’s relationship with xie lian are so interesting. feng xin has clearly always idolized xie lian a lot while mu qing hasnt at least not in the same way and he seems like he has some resentment towards xie lian (thats how i read it anyway thats what i said about it at the beginning of book 2 and i think its understandable and can be a very real part of friendships) that feng xin doesnt and i just think thats neat!!

“He was firmly tied down upon the altar, that broken base of the statue under his body. There were many people squeezed below the altar, and pair after pair of round, unblinking eyes were watching him.” - hmmm dont think i like where this is going

“Yet, before he could finish, he realized that the white silk that he used to cover his face had been undone. In this moment, the thing that had him completely tied down was that exact white silk.” oh my god wait is this ruoye?? is ruoye that same ribbon???? ill cry

“The hand stained with blood, the one that ended a life, was immune to the Face Disease.” - ohhh shit okay. okay okay. okay. shit okay. i See now.... so if youre an innocent civilian the only way to escape this fate (and the faces are actually the souls of other innocent civilians) is to get rid of your innocence... and doesnt this disease not actually hurt its just horrific? god.............

“White No-Face pitied, “You think they don’t want to do it? Wrong, it’s not that they don’t want to, it’s solely because no one wants to be the first, that’s all.” - shut up!!! youre the one who created this situation dont fucking preach about the way you think the world is

“He forced down the mouthful of blood and hissed, “What are you laughing at? You think that you got what you wanted? This was all forced by you!” The ghost fire within the ghost’s hand flickered even more fiercely.” - yes exactly!!! you put people in extreme circumstances sometimes they do extreme things!! youve proved nothing!! god i do love when characters say exactly what im thinking. plus the first ones who caved were trying to save their child

“He felt that, if he was to let them do what they wanted, there was something in his heart that would never return to its original state.” - :( also i kind of feel that in my life sometimes and i just hope xie lian’s heart ends up in a state he’s happy with

“He didn’t dare to look at what had become of the person lying on the altar, because what laid there didn’t look human anymore.” AHHHHHH!!! :(((( i mean i get why this event is what made hc... level up??? thats not a good way to describe it fjasldkfjaslk but you know what i mean... that line about being powerless to help your beloved OOOOOOF

okay well finished that chapter im. pain. hmmm. pain. i dont know if i actually have any words rn lol but im gonna stop here for now

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 9

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.3k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: so im a bit insecure and i would like to know what you think of Niall and Liv’s relationship. is it bad? would they be better off without each other, just as friends, or do you think theyre meant to be? do you still emjoy this story? anything that bothers you or makes you want to stop reading? if you message me about this, ily! thank you!

requests! : i guess once again if you read them, youll spoil the chapter for yourself. but here are the requests i added in this chapter! :)

Chapter 9 : His chapter

NIALL

I woke up with her still in my arms the way she used to be every single morning and I would lie if I pretended it didn't feel just right. There was something comforting in watching her sleep peacefully while wearing my shirt and I held my head with my hand just staring at her as my other arm was still wrapped around her waist. She was laying on her back though and I couldn't stop looking at her parted lips. I wanted to kiss her but i'd never have the guts to. Besides, she made it clear that she was not ready for that but when she confessed that she knew it would happen, it made something twist in my chest. I don't know if it was the goal, but it gave me enough fuel and hope to never want to give up.

She let out a short whimper in her sleep and I held my breath, trying not move. I didn't want her to wake up just yet. I wanted to keep looking at her, sleeping in my bed with my shirt on. I wanted to engrave this image in my head, just in case it would never happen again.

"Mm..."

I licked my lips but remained motionless. I couldn't pretend I didn't enjoy the little sounds she made when she slept but it's really what she said right after that took my breath away.

"Niall..."

My jaw dropped and my eyes got bigger. Did I hear that right? As if she had heard my mental question, she repeated my name slightly louder but still very softly. It was more of a mumble than anything else but it was enough to make me reach for a lock of her hair. I pushed it away and she whimpered again as the tip of my finger brushed on her skin.

It was bad enough to admit to myself that I wouldn't feel an ounce of guilt if she came back to me and we broke a few hearts as long as I was with her, but it was on an other level of arsehole to pretend I didn't know that it would make her feel like shit, because it probably would. I sighed low and licked my lips, letting my fingertip run on her jaw and neck very slowly. I didn't want to hurt anyone, of course, it was not my intention. After all, it was a mistake I had made and no one else was responsible for it. I didn't want to hurt anyone, but I knew Liv and I were supposed to be together. Somehow, I felt like she knew it too, but clearly, she was scared, and I couldn't blame her.

Her eyes fluttered open slowly and they met mine as my lips curled again. For a few seconds, I was thrown back a few years ago and I had to stop myself from bending down and kissing her lips. Lazy morning sex was never her favorite but it was one of mine. What's better than a good love making right before a good cup of coffee? Nothing. Nothing else started the day better than that.

"Hey petal." I whispered with a soft smile.

She brought her hand to her mouth but her eyes became smaller and I knew she was smiling.

"Hey Nee."

"I don't care about your bad breath, you should know that by now."

She blinked a few times and finally moved her hand away as we kept staring at each other. I wanted to stay there for hours and just lay in bed but I knew it was impossible and I just sighed.

"Coffee?"

She smiled even more and nodded before I quickly got up. I glanced at her as she yawned and stretched, chuckling low before doing the same. When I looked back at her again, she quickly moved her eyes away from me and cleared her throat.

"Were you checking me out?"

She frowned with a small smile but she looked embarrassed and it made me laugh a bit.

"No, of course not."

My lips curled into a smirk and I raised my eyebrows. "Hey it's not my fault you forgot a shirt and I had to give you mine but if it makes you feel better, i'll go get dressed so you can stop drooling."

It only took half a second for her to throw one of the pillows at me and I dodged it by moving my elbow up, making it land on the floor. I laughed even more and winked at her before leaving the room to get in the kitchen. I made coffee and went back to my room to dress up with a shirt and shorts before going back. She was there, now dressed too and sitting on the counter. I wanted to move between her legs and pull her waist closer but I just walked up to her and poured coffee in two mugs, adding sugar and cream and handing one to her.

"Thank you so much for letting me stay here." she expressed in a low tone, licking her lips and staring at her mug. "It was important for me and you were there for me. That... that means a lot."

"Hey, I promised I'd always be there for you."

She spread both her palms on the mug, probably for the warmth of the coffee and sighed before finally looking up in my eyes.

"You promised many things, Niall." she explained blatantly. "You didn't keep many of your promises. That's why it's so tough for me to jump into this relationship, whatever it is."

I remained silent but looked down after a while. Like I said, I couldn't blame her but that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

"Look, i'm sorry-"

"No." I cut her, looking back up in her eyes. "No, I deserve it. I mean, I know I've hurt you. I know I disappointed you. It's the biggest mistake of my whole fucking life Olivia and I'll never apologize enough. I'm sorry."

She stared down at me and I enjoyed her eyes traveling on me. It was like a soft touch, I could almost feel it on my skin.

"Okay." she breathed out before licking her lips, her tongue moving slowly on her upper one before reaching her bottom one and making my heartbeats accelerate. I've never wanted a mouth so bad. I've never wanted a kiss so deeply. "I forgive you."

Those words did something to me, something emotional of course but also something physical like my whole body was more alive after hearing them. She was forgiving me for breaking her heart, she was forgiving me for all the pain I put her through, for all the nights crying, for all the time she lost yearning our love and hating on me. Those three simple words meant an ocean of feelings. It was an incredibly big step. It was an immense favor. It was way more than I deserved and I couldn't explain how thankful I was for it.

I waited as one of her hands reached slowly for my face and I kept staring at her, anticipating the feeling of her skin against mine. Her fingertips reached my cheek and I saw her push the air out of her lungs as she seemed to relax a bit, like it had taken her a huge amount of courage to do it.

"Don't ever leave again, okay?" she asked in a murmur, making me nod quickly.

"No I promise i'm not leaving ever again." I whispered back. "I know you don't trust me but I swear on me life."

She nodded too but slowly and her lips parted. I felt her breath on my mouth and inhaled it like it could make me reconnect with her, like it could make her trust me again, like it would pull her to me just so I could feel her lips against mine. She moved closer and I didn't even dare blinking. Her lips were close and I wanted this so much but at the same time, I didn't want to rush it.

"Babe! I'm back!"

Olivia and I both jumped but she's the only one who moved back and I just closed my eyes, waiting for Heidi to enter the room. I had almost forgotten about her. In fact, I had forgotten about everything in the past 5 minutes. Now, I was back in reality and I knew Olivia had been very close to kiss me.

Heidi stopped dead in her track when she saw me, leaning against the fridge, and my ex girlfriend sitting on the counter. Her gaze moved from me to Liv and then back at me before finally frowning.

"What's happening here?" she asked rudely. "There are glasses of wine, an old pizza box and her... stuff laying around the whole fucking place."

Olivia moved down from the counter and put her mug in the sink quickly.

"There was no power at my place and I had urgent work to finish so I came here."

"Yea, because you have no other friend of family member around? Why here?"

I sighed and was ready to step in when my ex girlfriend just shrugged.

"My family's in France, my friends were either not answering, without power, or out of town." she explained with a shrug. "I really had no other option."

"You've never heard of internet cafes?" Heidi replied meanly, putting her hands on her hips.

"Okayyyy, enough." I just said, taking a few steps closer and sending her a comforting smile. "Hey, Liv only needed a place to work and crash okay? That's it."

"Wait she spent the night here?" Heidi almost yelled, her eyebrows raised. "You two fucking slept together didn't you!?"

Her question took me by surprise and I let out an awkward chuckle.

"I slept in the guest room." Olivia let out casually just as I opened my mouth to reply.

It was not a lie, she did sleep in the guest room, but I slept with her there, too so technically, we had slept together. Not in the sense Heidi was asking, but still. I was not going to mention that though, I really was not in the mood for a fight. Silence came between us for a few seconds and I decided to talk about something else.

"How was your trip, babe?"

I walked up to her and cupped her face before kissing her lips. It seemed to calm her a bit and I smiled at her, wondering how Olivia was feeling about all of this. I felt like shit for dragging her in that but at the same time, could I be held responsible for the tantrums my girlfriend threw? If I wanted to be honest, maybe I could, yea, if only for the fact that I was just about to kiss someone else than her, and I really shouldn't.

"It was okay, I'm super tired." she complained before pulling on my neck to kiss me harder. "Mm I missed you so much, we should lock ourselves in our room right now."

I felt my whole body tense at her words, especially that I knew she said it a bit louder to make sure Olivia would hear. I also knew that the only way to calm her was to play the game, even if I hated it.

"You know i'd love to, but I've got a few errands to run." I let out, feeling her hand slip from my back to my butt. "Anyway you're tired, so you get a rest and i'll bring back some food, how's that?"

She sighed exaggeratedly and finally nodded.

"Okay, but we eat in bed."

I felt my face contract but I stopped the grimace that threatened to show. I hated to eat in bed because then it meant i'd have to wash the sheets immediately after. I just nodded, hoping to make her change her mind a bit later, and kissed her lips again.

"I'll be back soon."

I noticed Olivia walk past us as I was pulling back and I glanced at her before smiling at Heidi and go grab my stuff. I watched Heidi yawn and disappear in the hall and a few seconds later, Olivia walked back with her stuff, making my lips curl. I waited until she was standing right in front of me to send her a smile.

"D'you wanna go out for breakfast?"

She stared at me for a few seconds before looking back behind her, probably searching for my girlfriend. I put my hands in my pockets and raised my eyebrows only to let my lips curl more when she looked back at me.

"Yea, that'd be nice."

I nodded and helped her with her stuff, bringing everything to her car and putting it in the trunk. We decided to go in separate cars and I kept glancing in my mirror to make sure she was following me. We got out of our cars and I moved my arms to let her walk in front of me, giving me a perfect view on her back. It made my heart skip a beat when I remembered going back to the guest room to ask her if she needed anything else the night before. I had seen her naked from the back and the sight had brought special feelings inside me. A mix of lust and a craving I couldn't explain had invaded me. I had felt extremely guilty if only for the fact that I had just stood there, motionless, looking at her take her bra off, her fingers playing skillfully with the staples even from behind. I had watched it fall on the floor but my eyes had quickly moved back up only to see her bend down to take off her panties. She had just been there, completely naked, and I couldn't remember that last time I had the chance to see that. That too, I literally took for granted.

She turned to smile at me as she opened the door but I was almost scared she could see my thoughts and realize I was literally thinking about her naked. It had made me horny in an instant and I had rushed to the bathroom, jumping quickly in the shower to jerk off thinking about her again. I wanted more, but it would have to do for a while. I knew I had to be patient but fuck, I missed touching her.

I had noticed her tattoo, too. Of course, I knew she had my name tattooed on her lower back but I thought that after everything that happened, she would have it covered. Surprisingly, it was still there and even better, it was now surrounded with a red heart that seemed to have been scribbled on her back. I had no idea when she had done that and why, but it was making me extremely curious. If she had gotten it when we were dating, I would have noticed, but I couldn't find a good reason for her to do it after we broke up. The truth was, I liked it. I liked my name in my own hand writing tattooed on her body. I liked that people could see it like she belonged to me. It gave me a sensation I couldn't explain, some sort of mix of victory and hope. It almost made me want to tattoo her name on my body too. Almost.

The restaurant was small and we found a table at the back, sitting in front of each other. I stared at her as her eyes scanned the menu and we ordered quickly. I don't know how long we remained silent but it never really bothered me. Moments of silence were never awkward with her.

"I'm sorry about Heidi." she explained with a grimace. "If I had known she was coming back today, I would have left earlier."

"Nah no worries, I didn't know she'd come to my place instead to go at hers." I pointed out with a shrug. "I mean it could have been worse. She could have found us in bed together while you were wearing my shirt."

I laughed and she chuckled, looking down in embarrassment. I didn't know why she felt so shy about it but I didn't insist. It was the second time Heidi could have caught us, dare I say, cheating, and it was bad. I was scared that at some point, she just would because like Olivia said, we both knew it would happen at some point, and I liked to believe it was true.

"Are we going too far, Niall?" she finally wondered after a few seconds, looking up in my eyes and shaking her head slightly. "I mean, if it's something we both wouldn't tell Dylan and Heidi, it's probably cheating, or at least wrong, isn't it?"

I sighed and licked my lips, not really sure how I was supposed to answer this question. The obvious answer was yes, it was wrong. It was wrong because of everything it implied and it was wrong because of the feelings burning inside my chest. The actions, however, were only borderline. It wouldn't take much to cross the line it was true but at that exact moment, we were only stepping on it.

"I don't know, Liv. Do you think we should tell them?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. "I mean, they probably have a tiny doubt that we were really close, don't you think?"

"Let's just say Dylan knew, but he didn't expect it to be that intense." she admitted, looking down at her plate.

"Why do you say that?"

"He told me."

I held my breath as this new information made its way in my head. Perhaps it was more obvious that I thought. Perhaps the connection we had was so flagrant and present that we couldn't even hide it. Perhaps we just had no power over it at all.

"Wow, i'm.. i'm sorry Liv."

I didn't know what else to say. I was sorry because she looked sad and vulnerable at that specific moment, in front of me. I was sorry because the last thing I wanted was to hurt her. I was sorry because we both knew it was affecting her relationship with her boyfriend and even if I knew it was part of the process to get her back, it was still not something I enjoyed.

"How does Heidi react to us being friends again?"

I almost laughed when she said 'friends' but I knew that was all we were for now, or at least that's the word that seemed to fit the most. Of course, we used to do all of this together a few years ago, but were we ever only friends? I used to think we were but I seriously doubted it now. I knew I had mentioned to her that we just did the same thing we used to do without dating and that it was no different but when she explained why it was different, I couldn't do anything but agree with her. We fell in love and now we were trying to get back to being simply friends and we were failing miserably.

"She says it can never be the same between us, that our friendship died when our couple died."

I didn't put much credit into Heidi's words simply because I was pretty sure our couple never really died but perhaps I was the only one thinking that. I still kept hoping Olivia felt the same and I would ask her at some point, but it just didn't feel like the right time.

"You think it's true?"

"No." I firmly and quickly replied. "You and I are the only one who can judge on that. No one else knows what the relationship we had was like. No one ever really understood and that's okay, but all that matters is your opinion and mine."

She looked up in my eyes and raised her eyebrows at me. I leaned against the table to be closer to her and smiled at her softly. I had made the biggest mistake of my life when I broke up with her, that was a fact, but I hadn't stopped loving her, not even a second. Not when I was shagging other girls, not when I was traveling around the world, not when I was getting drunk with my friends. Never.

"You know this is really messy, right?" she asked gently, raising her eyebrows again. "That friendship we're trying to save or get back.. it's hurting the people we love, it's hurting the people we've decided to date. You chose Heidi, remember? I've let Dylan into my life and my heart. Is it all worth hurting them?"

I blinked a few times, astonished and speechless at what she told me. I was not sure if it made me mad or in pain that she would think all of this was not worth it but I swallowed a lump in my throat and licked my lips before sighing.

"I'll go pay the bill. And no, we don't split." I just said before getting up and walking to the counter on the other side of the room. It took longer than I thought but when I came back, I noticed a guy with her. He had one of his hands on the table, leaning close to her and I started walking quicker.

"Come on, can I just get your number?"

"No, not interested."

"Please? Come on, don't play hard to get."

I grimaced as I stood behind him and I quickly looked at Olivia's face to notice she felt not only annoyed but also uncomfortable. Without thinking, I tapped his back and he turned to me, sending me a frown. He seemed a bit younger than me but was definitely taller and I raised my eyebrows at him, shaking my head a bit.

"Pretty sure the lady said no."

"No one asked you." he replied quickly, turning back to her.

I bypassed him, hitting him lightly with my shoulder as I walked, and extended my hand to Liv, sending her a small smile.

"Come on my love, let's go."

She didn't even hesitate. She just got up, slid her hand in mine and followed me outside. I squeezed her fingers in mine and she did too, neither of us even tried to let go.

"Thank you." she said as we stood next to her car, still hold hands. "That was annoying, I think I told him 'no' 8 times. I'm not really used to have people flirt with me. At least, not men."

"That kind of prick? Dangerous." I explained, shaking my head. "I was about to hit him."

She started laughing, throwing her head back, and my lips curled more. I loved making her laugh and I just stared at her until she looked back in my eyes.

"Fist fight for me uh?" she joked with an amused grin. "Who would have thought?"

I didn't tell her but I would fight for her. I felt like I already was fighting for her. I probably always would. We got a bit serious again and I smiled, looking down and putting my hands in my pockets, playing with the fabric inside of them.

"I didn't have time to tell you earlier but thank you for your forgiveness. I'm well aware it doesn't mean you're ready to trust me again, but the fact that you forgave me when you clearly didn't have to because you don't owe me anything.. it means a lot. I wanted you to know that I can only guess how tough it was for you when I broke up with you and... i'm not even sure I deserve your forgiveness. Thank you, Olivia."

Her traits softened and her head tilted. She kept looking at me and licked her lips before nibbling gently on her bottom one. It made my heart accelerate but I remained motionless, just waiting for something but I was not sure what. I held my breath until she moved again, getting slightly closer to me.

"You're welcome."

I sighed with a smile and nodded once before shrugging.

"So hey, text me later?" I proposed, raising my eyebrows. "We could go for a movie sometimes this week?"

"Oh uhm yea, sure, why not!"

She seemed enthusiast and I sent her a bigger smile. I opened the door of her car to let her get behind the wheel and closed it, waiting for her to pull the window down. I leaned against it to look at her, wondering if i should kiss her cheeks or not. I didn't dare to go for a hug, slightly scared of how it would make me feel after we spent the night cuddling, and decided not to ask for kisses either.

"To answer your question from earlier? Yes, it's worth it. It's worth everything."

I saw her face change to confusion and quickly, she remembered and her lips parted as her eyebrows raised. I wanted to kiss them but I just curled mine instead and took a step back before turning around and reaching my car. I meant it. It was totally worth it to me. They say 'all if fair in love and war' well here I was, fighting for her love. I was not going to start a war, though. I was not looking for a revolution. I just needed to tell her how I felt and I had no idea when was the right time and the right place but eventually, i'd find out and on that day, i was going to give her the chance to break my heart... and hope that she won't.

[c-e-gold]

In light of recent events involving Damian in a certain DC Comic book, I have decided to revisit my proposed line up for a Teen Titans book that I would love to read. It’s going to be similar to the one I did before, but I’m going to try to go more in depth about it. If there’s any changes or additions you would make, please let me know. My knowledge on DC is limited. Especially now since I havent read them in awhile due to how annoyed they’ve made me lately. 

Enjoy!

Core Team

Damian Wayne / Robin

Maya Ducard / Nobody

Suren Daga (He’s been staying at Carrie Kelly’s place since he’s had nowhere else to go)

Jon Kent / Super Boy

Kathy Branden / Beacon

This is the core team at the start of their tenure together. There really isn’t any designated leader among them. Instead, they opt for a rotating system where a leader is chosen for specific missions. For example, Maya be more suitable to lead a stealth mission than Superboy. 

I know he would get brought up, by Colin isn’t included because I know nothing about him and haven’t read any of the stories he’s been in. I recognized that he’s popular among some of the fans, but I wanted this list to be as true to me as possible.

Team Mother

Talia Al Ghul

In this iteration, everything about her that was written by Grant Morrison is wholly ignored. Never happened. Talia, while not as involved in Damian’s life as she would like to be due to her work, maintains a healthy relationship with her son. She takes on the responsibility of training the team in combat, language, espionage, tactics, and assassination. She also does the mission briefings for them. 

For those who are familiar with the Young Justice cartoon, she’s pretty much Batman. the events of R:SoB still happens, so her relationship with Maya and Suren are still rocky at best. Maya goes out of her way to annoy her and Suren just doesn’t like her. But the course of the story will have moments where, while not being a fan of eachother, Talia would definitely go out of her way to protect Suren and Maya and they would do the same for her. Perhaps their relationship develops from antagonistic to just playful ribbing.

Den Brother

Duke Thomas

Duke takes on Talia’s responsibilities while she’s not around due to her job and/or missions. His tasks normally include being the team’s “therapist”. Talia recruited him for this because she correctly figured that the team would be more likely to warm up to him since he’s closer to them in age. It also helps that he’s a bit better when it comes to understanding emotional children. While not being licensed, he listens to their problems and help work them threw it. On occasion he will tag along on missions with them.

Future additions to the team

Mia “Maps” Mizoguchi and Olive Silverlock

(Anyone else remember in Robin War where Damian left supplies for the Gotham Academy kids and nothing came of it? I do.)

Maps- who is by far the most excited about the prospect of joining the team- she begins early training at the insistence of Damian, much to Talia’s chagrin. Talia tries to discourage her threw tough conditioning, but Maps perservere, showing her heart and that her desire to help people isn’t just surface level. Eventually she does join the team part-time.

Olive partakes in the practice concerning the usage of metahuman abilities in order to master her pyrokinesis. Duke and Kathy helps her navigate her training and slowly teaches her to be able to call upon her abilities without losing herself to the flames. I’m on the fence about having Olive join the team, so I’m open to suggestions on that front. I’m leaning more towards no, though.

Detective Chimp

Why not? He’s not really doing anything in the comics that is worthwhile. And I think his presence would add an air of brevity. He would be in charge of teaching the team proper investigative tactics. He even has a few tips and tricks up his sleeve that even the most seasoned detective wouldn’t be privy to.

Also I want to see him and Maps interact. Not to mention the potential for a fun side adventure with Detective Chimp and all of the pets teaming up.

Temp Join/Team-Ups

Batfamily

Not having the rest of the Batfamily interact with this team would be a crime in of itself. Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, Orphan, Batgirl, Spoiler, Blue Bird, Batwoman, Batwing, and Alfred. I want to see all of them interact with the team. It doesn’t even have to be serious! Maybe Stephanie shows up with Cass and kicks all of the boys out and has a girls night with the female team. Or Jason regales the team with totally not made up stories about all of the times he saved Damian and all the favors that he owes him. 

Harley Quinn

I don’t know exactly the circumstances that would make this work, but I think this would be a cool and fun crossover. They would just kinda run into each other and decide, for the sake of the mission, to work together to get the job done. 

Justice League

I mean, they HAVE to have their “Now do you take us seriously” moment. It doesn’t have to be a situation where the League is brainwashed or anything. Maybe it’s just a test. Or a friendly competiton. Or an excuse to get Wonder Woman and Maya to interact and have a proper passing of the touch and make the Tiny Trinity a for sure thing.

Robzarro and Boyzarro

They obviously like hanging out with Jon, Kathy, and Maya. So them popping up every now and then should be a given. Also I kinda wanna see how Damian and Talia reacts to Robzarro. There is so much comedy potential there.

Base of operation

The Fortress of Attitude

The base has an official named that Talia had given it upon construction, but Superboy called it the Fortress of Attitude. The some of the team just started calling it that out of being easier to remember while others (read: Maya) does it because she wants to annoy Talia. It’s very sleek with cutting edge tech rivaling Batman’s own tech. But as the team gets more and more accommodated to the hideout, they start adding their own flairs (stickers, posters, beanbag chairs, animal dens, dolls, figurines, and magazines). 

It’s equipped with a central computer that monitors the coming and going of the members, the registry, and mission files. The AI is programmed into the teams phones, offering the same protection to their personal phones that the foretress has. Using technology similar to the Watchtower and threw studying Beacon’s powers, they can beam themselves to the fortress whenever they please.

Main villains

Slade and the Hive Academy

I put Slade and not Deathstroke because I’m not really a fan of comic book Deathstroke. But Slade is Bad. Ass. Methodical. Calculating. Brilliant. Powerful. Coniving. He would make a perfect overarching villain for this team. I wouldn’t have him want Robin as his apprentice though. That can stay exclusive to the Teen Titans cartoon. In that place, he would just be the headmaster of the Hive Academy and use the team to test his students.

The Court of Owls

While theyre largely Batman’s villains, I feel they would meddle in the affairs of anyone they deem a significant annoyance. Their Talons would prove such a huge obstacle for this team to overcome. Of course it wouldn’t be the entire court after them, though. Just a small team that is assigned to keep an eye on them and steer them in the direction that best serves the Court.

 Blockbuster

I think 2 syndicates is enough for one title. Blockbuster is a departure from the cold, calculated, machinations of both Slade and the Court. He’s pretty much an immovable object that would be built up to be able to even withstand hits from Superboy.

Manchester Black

I think being trapped inside of a cow would make anyone thirsty for revenge. Also, a cow that is hell bent on revenge could be both terrifying and fun to read. No one is going to punch a cow, so the team would have to think of other tactics to take him down. Maybe Detective Chimp and the pets would have a hand in bringing him down!

I literally typed this out while working off of 3 hours of sleep the previous night and it is currently 12:37AM. That’s the excuse I’m going to go with if something is wrong here. I would want to include more villains that challenge the team both philosophically, physically, and mentally. But the longer I work on this, the more I go blank. So I’m putting a pin in this here.

If anyone has any ideas or suggestions, feel free to leave them! This is my own personal take on what I would like to see from a hypothetical Teen Titans/Young Justice book. 

[rqs902]

.

yang chaowen is really a sensitive kid... man he brings out renyu's song's feels and then brings up ylq to relate to the lyrics bc he knows his friend isnt getting as much appreciation as himself. (this makes even more sense after ylq said he had been crying before ycw went onstage and ycw was comforting him... and then after ycw came off the stage, it was time for ylq to comfort him from crying TT) Their friendship is really something. But then ycw saying he just gets ripped for getting screentime for crying all the time ouch but i dont get the feeling that hes doing it for attention but maybe im becoming partly biased towards chaowen :) 

Lol the fact that they focus so much on xzx and how hes favored by gjm but feels like it's unfair to be treated uncomfortably by other trainees as a result... all i can say is, what do u expect, of course the other kids will be salty, their lives are on the line and theyre getting nothing close to the attention you are, so unfortunately u cant win everything :(

Lol I see why everyone on twitter is annoyed at gjm... Jackson is literally trying to say something meaningful and mentor-like to su er and gjm literally interrupts with his own opinion.... jackson is like unable to finish his thought. and then when Cheng xiao is actually trying to give ma haowen advice, gjm just goes WELL I DISAGREE, THIS IS RENYU'S FAULT and everyone's like wtffffff???? And then he starts saying people can help Xinhai with his terrible dance (ouch) but renyu didnt help haowen sing and Huang enyu MY CHILD just goes: but dancing and singing are different....... and I'm just smh.... gjm really shouldnt act like he knows everything when hes the only mentor with zero actual relevant experience :( Poor renyu literally looks like hes about to burst into tears, ma haowen looks so sorry and appalled renyu's getting yelled at and none of the other mentors seem to agree with gjm lol 

lets appreciate renyu’s song, its really good!!! 

Lol this whole mentor segment is a mess but man chaowen and renyu won a lotta votesss ayyy

I think xue en seeing hwh as a pro rapper shows him humbling himself, since hes technically a more seasoned and popular idol performer

Cheng xiao fangirling over xue en I mean SAME hahahahahahaha awwwwww yzx being soooo genuinely happy for xue en is the cutest!!! Aw cto friendship and xue en crying :’) actually one thing ive noticed i feel like yzx seems like a genuinely kind and cheerful friend, maybe people are bashing him bc he pushed off some leaderly responsibilities to lin mo in the last round but maybe hes just not someone to take on a strict leader role (looks at aj from afo...) and realized that since lin mo has such experience and is really good at it, it makes sense to respect his experience and skill and let him take on that role. of course its unfortunate that means lin mo worked extra for less recognition, but i think it seems like yzx really respected and admired him so im hopeful what happened wasnt due to mean intentions 

watching chen junhao feeling lost oh man :/ maybe he hadnt fully prepared himself for the idol life when first coming on this show. its unfortunate reality that in this kind of idol survival show, the focus is more on stage presence and face and performance, rather than the music itself. Hopefully he really feels that hes found a path forward through this performance. This is a really real way to present him but I'm sad theres not as much focus on li chenxu when this is hissss song

Man both the self composed songs are really good!! Mann them making this song a dance song is really hard to watch for li chenxu bc its makes it hard for him to shine at his own song which is sad :( also lzx's rap is questionable lol but cjh's vocal part in the middle part is so emotional, I hope he felt like he was able to express himself fully there

Lol does gjm not realize they didnt have a choice to not dance. Lollllll cheng xiao literally said they had too much to do and tried very hard but he didnt listen.

Aww jackson teaching them about team work :') o gosh I have PTSD about jin fan getting classified as a vocal now after uuu..... also not surprised the entire segment was about sxl and even the judging portion lol....

Oof Jin fan's voiceeee I love

Man why does Jin fan always get stuck in not dance songs ><

more appreciation for xu zhaohao vocals pls!!! imo sxl has a poor attitude :/ he doesnt perform calmly under pressure and isnt doing well at making a good atmosphere for practice

LOL why do i feel like lin mo is always saying "song" things hahahah hes really a kid

but mannn yan an just walking into the elevator is so oof

Aw duan xuyu is too nice... but I guess this is the leader in him coming out

Aw yan an immediately encouraging xikan when he lost the center to him

Lolll xikans little “heheh” when he won 

Mannnn ngl even tho yan an leaves the show, I kinda wish he had a bigger role in this perf bc it's literally like his jam.... chinese style influenced dance.... I wish he had at least 1 memorable dance move, like I feel like Luo Joe already had one in the last perf and he has one again here (and hes very talented and he deserves recognition!) but yan an has yet to really show anything and im scared hes gonna just disappear soon :/

They all did so well tho!!! Truly a group of dancers. Really made me want to rewatch the whole thing immediately. altho the beginning I cant unsee the lin mo meme LOL 

and xikan did really well!! His stage presence is real. And hes put effort into his facial expressions

Luo Joe being cute is iconic

Aw yan an cheering on lin mo when revealing his votes!!

Aw I'm surprised 100 ways kids didnt get more votes.... lol ngl i feel like this show is just randomly adding vote bonuses in for random reasons not prespecified for kids they like.... cough gjm yet again

but oo the next ep looks fun hahahha im excited for a happier ep thats not as stressful.

Ycw keeping it real 2020: "im not good at controlling emotions.... i hope if you want to cry or laugh do it loudly, dont care about what other people think"

ok so maybe im liking more new kids than i expected, but i think thats a good thing that the show is making them likable and some kids are able to stand out! honestly i realized I kinda can see why they eliminated so many to begin with. It's sad but also kinda nice tbh (ouch, i know) bc if they really got rid of the ones who have less skill, it makes it easier for the others who dont have to teach from zero (cough lin mo) And then those with skill get to have at least 3(?) stages, unlike qcyn where jin fan got eliminated after only doing 1 silly stage lol The skill level of the stages is also raised, like there's multiple groups of almost all people who are well qualified. im sure the kids are happy that they get to do more stages, im sure that means a lot to them. 

At least on snzm they attempt to give most trainees a positive light and give screentime to more than just the top 10 trainees. and they allow someee time for vocals, dancers and rappers to get appreciation (even tho dancers are still dominating lol)

but yea honestly I disliked the judging on pdc2019 too tho so at least the judges here can be supportive... at times. it is SUPER biased and gjm is very vocal despite his lack of knowledge tho lol 

it's so bad bc I feel like my standards for shows are so low at this point. my standards get lowered with every show I watch. It's like I guess the snzm songs are okay bc I hated the ones on afo more so at least the stages aren't thattt bad lol At least the rules/general setup aren't as terrible as they were on afo..... at least the camera time isnt as biased as it was on qcyn.... sigh the show isnt doing great, and itd be best if the show would help the tygers get more popular, but I guess its prob better than just doing nothing at star master lol. 

qcyn was just painful to watch from "spirit of the knight" onward bc momo literally was buried, mistreated, disrespected and taken advantage of. at least on snzm he gets some screentime and positive recognition.....

tbh i like snzm, maybe thats an unpopular opinion, but at least there have been some really great stages, where the kids really get to shine. at least i can confidently say that bc of snzm, i have met some new kids who i will be sure to follow for new music moving forward :) 

[red-elric]

so ive read fruits basket like twenty times, and over the last couple of years i noticed that, each time, i was drawn more and more to the characters of kimi and momiji, and identified with them in a way that was really confusing to me because i didnt really think i *actually* had a very similar personality to either of them? (discord friends may disagree but, well, this whole post is going to be about people and characters who change up their personality to be more likable.) i got all introspective about it and finally came to a conclusion about their characters that i subconsciously knew already: the key similarity between the two of them and myself is the way we very carefully layer subtle personality masks for ourselves to protect ourselves and to seem more approachable and likable without actually being vulnerable to other people. (other characters in furuba do this a lot too--key examples that come to mind are tohru, kagura, and yuki--but i care more about momiji and kimi so this is about them.)

to clarify a bit what i mean by this, ill start with a personal example. ive always been pretty good at remembering people’s names, especially if i think theyre cool and want to become friends with them, but i noticed around middle school or high school that people subconsciously find it intimidating/stalkerish if you know their name and they cant remember yours, especially if youve only met once. on the other hand, if they *do* remember your name, and you admit to not remembering theirs, they feel empowered and sympathetic to your situation; and if neither of you remember the other’s name, you have a moment of solidarity that can lead to a more relaxed relationship. so, i started pretending to have a manageable amount of trouble remembering the names of people i wanted to be friends with. the first two or three times that i meet someone, at some point i will use “clarifying their name” as a conversation starter, ie: “you’re....[], right?” or “is it []?” this is a small effect of a pattern of behavior i tend to follow: feigning incompetence to gain trust and camaraderie. is it manipulative? absolutely, but harmlessly so. its directly derived from my own social anxieties, but its a relatively healthy way to feel more connected with my peers and to stop feeling ostracized by people who resent me for being “smarter” than them--something i struggled with a lot in my youth. momiji and kimi dont put up the *same* masks as myself, but they are both rather adept at maintaining their own masks, and are both incredibly socially perceptive in the same way that i am: they analyze people’s reactions to their behavior and sculpt themselves to get the reaction they want.

lets take a look at what this means for kimi. surface level, kimi seems pretty cookie cutter--sure, shes a little chaotic, but she fits quite nicely into the femme fatale/dumb blonde trope (even though shes not blonde). but did you know that shes actually at the top of her class? its subtle, but to me its always been obvious that shes actually incredibly intelligent and constantly manipulating people to suit her needs. there are easy examples of this, of course: flirting with a teacher to get a new whiteboard, anyone? but there’s one scene that’s always spoken volumes to me about her character, and that’s the one-off joke where kakeru starts to say some “secret” about her, clearly joking, and she immediately shuts him down by cutting him off with “don’t say unnecessary things!” and elbowing him in the side, all while still smiling cheerfully. the subtlety of this is that, with her reaction, she’s actually imitating their audience: yuki. it’s yuki she doesn’t want to know about whatever kakeru knows, so she shuts down kakeru in a way we’ve seen yuki yell at kakeru whenever kakeru makes idiotic jokes. the physical attack, the angry smile, accusing kakeru of saying something annoying, but that doesnt really matter; none of these are particularly characteristic to kimi, she causes as much chaos as kakeru on a good day, but they’re incredibly recognizable to yuki. her reaction is familiar to yuki, and it invokes an assumption that kakeru is making a lame joke, not trying to reveal one of her deepest, darkest secrets, and it works because yuki would react completely differently if kakeru tried to tell someone about *his* secrets. yuki doesnt pursue the subject further, kakeru bounces back easily and doesnt give it a second thought, and kimi is safe. so, we can tentatively say that kimi has a habit of reflecting other’s expectations to hide her true self.

now, is this one scene enough on its own to prove this idea? of course not. however, when we view her actions as a whole we start to see a pattern. we see several instances where kakeru will say something stupid and kimi will listen, encourage it, or say something just as stupid back; it’s only when he tries to reveal something about *her* that she shuts him down. we see subtle signs of genuine anger when he tries to reveal her secret: the overly violent jab, the tensed vein/angry eyebrows, etc--not very characteristic for happy-go-lucky, flirtatious kimi. and, of course, we have several examples of how she manipulates a) men into buying things for her, granting her favors, leaving their girlfriends for her, etc; and b) women into feeling inferior to her, feeling aggravated with her, and thinking she’s incredibly troublesome but knowing that they can’t argue with the men about it. overall, its not a far stretch at all to think she’s manipulating everyone around her to avoid revealing information about her true self: a proud, intelligent woman who enjoys causing chaos, but is also very manipulative and controlling to the people around her and hates being vulnerable.

momiji is in some ways similar, and in other ways very very different. most people--especially characters in the story with him--tend to put momiji in this “sweet, innocent child” box. it’s not just his height--his fashion, mannerisms, outlook on life, etc are all very reminiscent of someone much younger than he is, and people tend to *treat* him like he’s much younger than he is. even if they know intellectually that yes, momiji is significantly older than he appears, it’s very easy for the older sohmas to treat him as a troublesome but still loved younger sibling--someone to be taken care of, not taken too seriously, someone lovable. i’ve seen several people point out that part of *why* momiji does this is because he subconsciously feels that hes not allowed to act like an older sibling (to momo), so he acts as a younger sibling in an effort to get a similar sort of familial bond without overstepping the boundaries that his family instilled in his mind, and i agree. i believe momiji has a habit of feigning youth to more easily bond with the people he loves. his childish actions and behavior make him easier to deal with, and also give him a little more leeway to do things that would normally frowned upon if he appeared older, ex: sleeping in a bed with tohru, wearing a girl’s uniform top to school, taking any chance he can get to be physically affectionate with people, indulging in sweets and candy, etc.

two things draw momiji’s true personality out of its shell: his growth spurt, forcing people to acknowledge his actual age, and the breaking of his curse. late game momiji, to me, has always seemed bitter, tired, and sarcastic, as opposed to the sweet, energetic, and sincere front he’d put on for most of the series, which is very interesting to me. of course, you’d normally *expect* someone who’s gone through as much as momiji to *be* bitter, tired, sarcastic, etc; however, when he puts his child-like mask on, it’s easy to pretend that he’s this loving, saintly child who bears no ill will towards anyone, who can be knocked to hell and back and still stand back up to smile again. and i do think it’s true that momiji has an incredible capacity for forgiveness and love, but there’s also no denying that he has a limit, and we can see that during his first conversation with akito after his curse breaks. this, i think, is the most raw, true representation of momiji in the whole story; momiji has lost his link with the family he made for himself in the zodiac, he’s been physically forced to grow out of his persona, he’s finally seeing that his primary abuser is really not so powerful after all, and he’s forced to finally confront the fact that, while his curse, the thing that caused most of the troubles in his life, is broken, the impacts it already had on his life won’t magically go away. momiji in this scene seems completely disconnected from akito, who is still caught up in the curse, still desperately trying to hold everything together; in his lowest moment, we can finally see momiji, not as an all-forgiving saint, but as someone who just wants to start over. he’s not happy that his curse ended; id even go as far to say that momiji, out of every zodiac, is the one who most wishes it was still around, for the bond that it gave him with the other zodiacs and as something he could pin the blame on for his family struggles. which is why it is so sad to me that his was among the first to break.

now, yall probably know by now that i am a momimi bitch, so lets talk about them together. most of the people i see shipping them--and i fully admit, this is how i started shipping them--simply just say “same energy,” make a few cute headcanons about how they’d use each other for clout, and call it a day. this is perfectly fine. however, here at Overthinking It Inc., we take it a few steps deeper. personally, i have a hard time getting invested in a ship unless i can see how the characters compliment each other, how they help each other grow, and how they could genuinely enjoy each other’s company enough to pursue a romantic relationship. it took a little bit of obsessive extrapolating, but ive finally figured out just *how well* momiji and kimi compliment each other.

momiji, at the end of furuba, is going through a metamorphosis. he’s been forced out of his childish persona and into the life of an adult rather quickly, and he takes the opportunity to try to become more true to himself. we can see, in the last few chapters, the beginnings of bounds of growth; however, i imagine that there is a significant “awkward” period in his growth. judging from what i know about his character, i believe he would, in his effort to be more honest and confident, overcompensate a bit; he would become overbearing, intense, perhaps even oversharing. he might have a tendency to try to figure out what’s “wrong” with his friends and family, might always be trying to “fix” everything. i could easily see him, in fact, develop a bit of a selfish attitude (albeit rooted in kindness--it is, after all, still momiji); in his journey to stop letting people walk all over them, i believe he might become prone to walking over people himself. he’d have no idea where the lines are, where someone’s limits are, because he never had the chance to test them out in his youth, and because the people in power in his life (his parents and akito) never respected anyone else’s limits. enter kimi: tough, walled off, and incredibly secretive, though she tries to hide it. momiji, with his social perceptiveness, would notice at some point how difficult it is for her to form genuine, emotional connections with others, and would feel the urge to help her, to draw her out of her shell, not realizing that she doesnt necessarily want to be understood, nor that she’s (now entering headcanon territory, be warned) *scared* of those kinds of relationships. she’d take it, for a while, but there would come a time when she’d snap. this would do wonders for helping momiji figure out where the boundaries are, and how to be more aware of other people’s wants and needs (and it is something that tohru, reserved little wallflower that she is, would never be able to do for him).

kimi, on the other hand, has not quite started developing her character at the end of the manga. i like to apply all sorts of believable anxieties onto her: maybe she regrets not having an easy connection with other girls, like she does with boys. maybe she refuses to believe in the familial structure (that momiji idolizes). maybe she’s so used to playing the part of the homewrecker that, when she finally realizes that she’s found something or someone she truly loves, she doesn’t know how to handle it, and always worries that somebody’s going to take it away for her. maybe she views connections with others, or vulnerability, as a weakness, something that could be used against her, and tries to do everything she can to wall people off and hide her true feelings. well, good news for her, momiji is the resident king of loving family structures. family is something he truly loves and understands, from how much he’s admired it from afar, and been grateful for the family he’s made for himself in hatori, tohru, and the other zodiac. he’s well primed to help her understand what a true family is like, that real love is a good thing, not a scary thing, and that it’s okay to be vulnerable sometimes. this big, sweethearted doofus who somehow managed to see how much she was struggling under the many layers of masks that she hides beneath? there’s no way kimi wouldnt fall for him. and she, this girl who challenges everything he believes in, teaches him valuable lessons about how far is too far, and is basically the most fun person he’s ever met? there’s no way momiji wouldn’t fall for her.

i believe the two of them would start things off as almost a play; theyd portray a satire of the ideal male and female celebrity couple rather easily; theyd lean into the standard boy and girl roles almost ridiculously so, drawing attention to the absurdity of the standard relationship and somehow flirting through it. kimi, as we know, likes to pretend to be this helpless, flirtatious, “i couldnt possibly do anything on my own, oh whatever shall i do O3O” caricature of the feminine “ideal” to draw men in; momiji, i feel, would respond to that with a dorky, happy-go-lucky, “i can help you with that, miss ; )” caricature of the masculine, “ideal” gentleman, just for fun. theyd put on a show, for each other, for their peers, and for themselves, but they would eventually run into some troubles (detailed above). things would be tense, but theyd keep up their personas--why would they *ever* admit to their flaws to the outside world, theyre perfect? their friends would notice, of course, but wouldnt be able to do much about it; in the end, the only people perceptive enough to read through the bullshit of one is the other. theyd come to an understanding--spoken or unspoken (with the subtleties of their relationship, its not unreasonable that they could change their entire perspective of their relationship with just actions, not direct words or conversation)--and shift back into their previous, flirtatious relationship, except its different this time. because now, they understand each other, they love each other, theyre practically reading the other’s mind, and theyre perfectly in tune. rather than putting on masks to hide from each other, they wear one together to hide from the world--but, they think, that’s probably enough.

[comicteaparty]

March 30th-April 5th, 2020 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from   March 30th, 2020 to April 5th, 2020.  The chat focused on  Crypts and Cantrips by Kieran Thompson.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

Comic Tea Party

BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Crypts and Cantrips by Kieran Thompson~! (http://cryptsandcantrips.kytri.net/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace until April 5th, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Discussions are freeform, but we do offer discussion prompts in the pins for those who’d like to have them. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic! Whether you finish the comic or can only read a few pages, everyone is welcome to join and chat with us!

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 1

1. What did you like about the beginning of the comic?

2. What has been your favorite moment in the comic (so far)?

3. Who is your favorite character?

4. Which characters do like seeing interact the most?

5. What is something you like about the art? If you have a favorite illustration, please share it!

6. What is a theme you like that the comic explores?

7. What do you like about the comic’s story or overall related content?

8. Overall, what do you think the comic’s strengths are?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Just starting the first chapter...hmm, what is the establishment hiding, that they're so against the idea of making new maps?

And I'm intrigued by the idea of a society that's frankly & cheerfully accepting of trans people, but also, doesn't know that lesbians exist? Or has a fixation on a super-narrow PIV-specific idea of virginity. Or both? If the issue was "this person can't be allowed to get pregnant before the arranged marriage or it would be A Scandal," that would be a logical reason to divide up which sexy things are "safe" vs. which aren't, but it isn't framed that way...

Okay, end-of-the-chapter blurb says that is what it's about. It's just odd that the dialogue was coy about "the issue is pregnancy" while being so blunt about other things. (I was just reading another comic with a trans princess character, and wow, what an awkward plot twist that could lead to. "So, the good news is, there wasn't an accidental pregnancy in the direction you were afraid of, but...")

"I made a fantasy trope in this comic work the way I wish it worked in a certain other canon" is such a great motivator.

Geez, this kid's only been adventuring for 5 minutes before someone gets murdered in front of him. Poor guy.

...on the bright side, oh good, the princess is aware that lesbians exist.

Loving this axolotl dragon art. http://cryptsandcantrips.kytri.net/comic/chapter-3-extras-17/

And the orca dragon that follows.

Have now read through the Dramatic Twist. Not gonna go into details for the sake of other first-time readers, but it's more complicated than these plots usually seem to get in fantasy settings, and I'm into it.

warriorneedsfood

I like the comic. The relationships are fun to watch develop. I found the character introductions a little awkward with the announcement of their various types of sexuality. But after establishing them, I found their personalities interesting and was looking forward to reading more.

RebelVampire

What I liked about the beginning of the comic is kind of just how quickly it starts world-building with stuff like the issue of discrimination in the market or just the general name dropping of stuff. All of it felt pretty natural, and as I consider world-building vitally important for fantasy, I really liked the comic didn't hide its punches. My favorite moment was actually when the stranger on the road said "please come help my wagon" and then it devolved into them being attacked. This is like one of the most stereotypical fantasy things to happen, but that's kind of why I liked it. It added familiar comfort food with all the new stuff, and I liked just having something like that 100% met my expectations for what was about to happen. My favorite character right now is definitely Taneli. I love just how sweet and accepting she is. But I also kind of like she's just really...not entirely capable because she's lived the sheltered palace life and not gotten out much. Usually that's something I'd find annoying, but something about Taneli just makes it work so I absolutely adore how overall innocent she is even in spite of being stuck in an arranged marriage. I like seeing Kitov and Taneli interact the most. They have a beautiful, touching, and supportive relationship going on and I like how theyre similar in regards to world experience. It doesn't make it feel like either of them is somehow superior or has the upperhand, so it's just communication between equals.

RebelVampire

As for the art, I really like the character designs. They aren't overly complicated, but are each very unique as well, and I think overall they got that right fantasy DnD vibe to them that just really suits the story being told. I kind of like that the story is exploring the theme of duty and arranged marriages. Usually when it comes to arranged marriage, 90% of stories write protagonists that do everything in their power to escape and express their individuality and freedom. But I like that this story is kind of exploring the idea of duty and how we as people deal with the concept. I also just in general like it's exploring the political things surrounding it. Like I love that frank conversation Taneli had with the king about marrying him for the kid to become the ruler, and he was completely unoffended seeming. This was just a real refreshing approach since as much as I love freedom, I also love talking about when duty needs to override freedom. As for what I like about the comic's story is that this really feels like a tabletop campaign. So many stories claim to be tabletop rpg-like, but they really deviate from the feel I imagine when I think of such a story. So I kind of like that this comic captures that spirit of adventure perfectly. As for the comic's overall strengths, for me it's just kind of the whole fantasy package. Between the art, the world-building, story's feel of being a tabletop, I think the comic is like the epitome of high fantasy and hits all the notes I personally believe high fantasies need to hit. So if someone said fantasy comic, this would be at the top of the list for a comic I would think of.

Comic Tea Party

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 2

9. Why do you think King Rishor was murdered, and why was Taneli seemingly framed in the process? Also, how do you think Leo got involved in everything, and how big of a role do you think he had in the plot?

10. What do you think will happen to Kitov and company as they search for answers and try to avoid capture? Will the group be able to find Leo, and if so, will that be enough to clear their names of suspicion?

11. Given Kitov and Taneli are both similar in regards to their experience levels, how do you think the events of the story will change them and their perspectives on the world? In what ways do you think they’ll remain the same?

12. How do you think the world itself will be affected by King Rishor’s death? Could it escalate into a war, or might Minash Turgal change for the worse? How will this affect characters like Lirre who helps Kitov and company out?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

RebelVampire

I get the impression King Rishor was probably murdered for two reasons. Once, to destabilize the country/kingdom/w/e you wanna call it, and two to start some sort of war (hence why you frame Taneli). Leo I think is just the pawn of someone else. In some ways, I kind of feel like Leo is a victim of great pain and that pain was somehow manipulated for nefarious means. As for Kitov and company, I think they'll find Leo, but heck no will that clear them of suspicion. You can't just escape and have no consequences or continued suspicion. That will not play into their favor. SO they're gonna have to just dig deeper and deeper into the plot and still run from the law at every turn. Though I do kind of feel they'll wind up back home at some point and find out things are bad there too somehow. As for the world itself, since I already mentioned this, I do think there's gonna be war brewing. Maybe not get to the point where it happens, but people will be scrambling around to prevent it and there'll probably be lots of angry people causing havoc in Minash Turgal cause these are the sorts of things where people need someone to blame. I think Lirre will probably be fine because I don't want to think about bad things happening to Lirre O_O Finally, regarding Kitov and Taneli changing. I think they're both gonna gain some smarts from this. I feel like Kitov could learn some more street smarts and learn that not every nice seeming person is a good person and that it's okay to distrust people you just met. Meanwhile, I think Taneli is just gonna learn the struggles normal people go through outside of the sheltered life she's lived, and that she'll be much wiser when it comes to politics. However, I think they'll both remain lovely people who are sweet and have that twinkle in their eye.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I feel like the murder of King Rishor was foreshadowed on this page: https://cryptsandcantrips.kytri.net/comic/twelve-4/ With the whole "obviously the people like me, because if they didn't, they'd vote to replace me" bit. Like, sure, that's true on a country-wide scale... but votes are majority rule, not unanimous. And sometimes... the smaller group of people who disagree with you can be very vocal.

Comic Tea Party

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 3

13. What are you most looking forward to seeing in regards to the comic?

14. Any final words of encouragement for the comic?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Taneli's my favorite too. She's very sheltered, but her heart's in the right place and she's adjusting as fast as she can, and she's active and enthusiastic which is great for plot motion. Plus, she gets the best clothes. I like the worldbuilding of "actually, our country has all kinds of mold-breaking things like non-hereditary elected rulers and public transportation." Here's hoping it catches on more widely. Leo's plotting is...complicated. Escorting the Princess gave him a great opportunity to get close for the assassination, and since he had the stuff in the luggage, it seems like he was plotting it the whole time. But the fact that Taneli was a Princess at all was supposed to be a secret from everyone except Kitov, right? The others were all surprised when it came out. Was it a plan that only came together when he arrived, and the poison was just planted to frame the others? Or was the poison in the luggage all along, and the secrecy of the whole mission was compromised from the beginning? Unrelated, I thought the sexual-orientation references were well-done. It's not like the whole cast sat in a circle and announced a list of identities each -- it came up naturally in one conversation with a few people, and they mentioned the parts of their experience that were relevant. Also really liked "masculinization potion." Some of the trans-related vocabulary stuck out from the rest of the dialogue, but this feels natural -- like, of course, those are the words a Medieval D&D Fantasy Person would use for it.

RebelVampire

What I'm most looking forward to seeing in the comic is probably just more of the plot revealed as to why assassinate the king and finding the whole motivation behind everything. Just because I'm hoping it opens up more questions to explore and also helps build the world. My final words are simply that this is a lovely comic with likeable characters and I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes in terms of plot since the plot has definitely caught my interest.

Kytri

Hi, uh this is my first post here. I'm the writer/artist of Crypts and Cantrips. The week is over in about half an hour in my time zone, and I just wanted to stop in and say thanks for including my comic and for everyone's kind words.

My comics tend not to spark much discussion or feedback so it was a really nice change of pace.

Comic Tea Party

BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Crypts and Cantrips this week! Please also give a special thank you to Kieran Thompson for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Crypts and Cantrips, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://cryptsandcantrips.Kytri.net/

Kieran’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Kytri

Kieran’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/itsKytri

Kieran’s itch.io Store: https://Kytri.itch.io/

Kieran’s Teepublic page: https://www.teepublic.com/user/Kytri

Kieran’s TWITTER: https://twitter.com/Kytri

[tearofaeons]

CAN YOU GUSH ABOUT ONE OF YOUR LEAGUE F/OS? JHIN OR THRESH OR BOTH IF YOU'D LIKE :3 -reallyintouglyfos

YEAH!? ABSOLUTELY. @reallyintouglyfos​

I remember when i first started playing league :0 i preferred “passive” champs like Sona and Soraka, and refused to play tanks or anything that was “front line”, so, at the time, i didn’t like him for this exact reason. I saw his kit and playstyle as a big No Thanks.

“I could never play a champ like him!! he’s too aggressive”

So i pretended to hate him while secretly thinking he was kind of interesting, but you think i admitted it? no, i was a TOTAL TSUNDERE FOR ALMOST 2 YEARS!!!

Fastfoward to the day gave him a shot in a game of bots and then uhhh kept playing him non-stop for 4 weeks ._. and uh yeah. that’s how i fell in love with a skeleton. epic fail.

but i have my reasons ok.

But under read more because i’m shy òwò

He is! so! FUN! We “synergize” so well! so to speak. I can make plays and at the same time peel my ADC, which is great!! he’s my go-to support when i can’t play Sona -v-

So, he is a very cruel specter – obviously– but i really like this about him. I always enjoyed making the enemy team “suffer” by placing wards in the right places and never letting them kill the adc, so when i’m playing with him, doing that is even more fun! if that makes sense? it’s kind of like: “Oh i’m glad you’re enjoying this as much as i am!” but you know, in a more harmless way. Sometimes, i like to think we’re kind of like a team! c: and that i “help” him collect souls or something. I know that’s very OOC (he doesn’t need anybody) but, yeah

Oh!! that’s also something i like about him!! He’s very independent– he marches to the beat of his own drum. Something that i think is great about him is that when people try to stop/kill him, he doesn’t get mad, he’s just finds it very amusing, and says things like:

“Hm, really? you’re going to do that? well, i hope you don’t regret your decision…”

he’s just… so cocky… and i hate it dkjskdjsk bUT I LOVE IT.

Our personalities are very different! He finds joy in the misery of others, and likes to be the one causing it, but me? i get sad when other people are sad– i feel their pain. He’s eloquent and graceful, meanwhile i struggle to ask someone for a favor, and the list goes on! but, that’s something i like about him and our… dynamic? that we’re so different from each other! (  -ω- )و 

He is “incredible strong-willed and methodical” (as he was described in his lore) and well– isn’t that amazing? Imagine being locked with a bunch of haunted items that insult and prey on your insecurities, and being strong enough to endure it FOR YEARS. That’s impressive!

Tragically! he ended up giving in and slowly became who he is now. While what he went through doesn’t justify torturing people, it does adds layers to his characters, and offers potential ideas.

SPEAKING OF LAYERS, I could talk ALL DAY about the way his mind/brain works and the unique way in which he sees the world! he’s really interesting and fun to write! but,, hmm… i wont talk about that..Not today at least…. >v>

And, you know, if you think about it, he’s kind of like the embodiment of those thoughts that people get when holding something that’s easily breakable: what happens if i bend this thing? what happens if i break it? And hey!? i think that’s really cute! like!! stOP skdjskghdfjg.

He’s so creative! and enjoys experimenting and trying new things! when he isn’t using this talent to torture people (that seems to be a recurrent theme ;; >o>), he can actually do and create very impressive stuff. I like to think that if he was born in Piltover or Zaun, he would had been a renowned scientist–someone who, maybe, could have invented a lot of useful objects that help people in someway.

Also, this is more of a headcanon that’s somewhat supported by canon, but, the fact that he can look into someone’s soul/eyes and instantly know almost everything about them is comforting to me, it should be creepy, but i think is nice. Like, Oh? someone who knows what i’m thinking? not having to struggle to put my feelings into words because the other person already knows what i want to say? someone who knows exactly how i feel? amazing.

Although, he prefers to take his time and get to know and understand me without using his powers, he does this because, well, it’s more natural, but, also because he doesn’t want to look into my soul without permission-- He doesn’t want to intrude into my memories by accident and make me uncomfortable. He respects me and my boundaries, and gives me space when i need it :0 (WHICH I REALLY APPRECIATE, BY THE WAY).

I COULD GO ON BUT LET’S TALK ABOUT..... his design,,,,

LOOK AT HIM. WHAT A HANDSOME SPECTER, HOW DOES HE HAS SO MUCH STYLE?? HOW DOES ONE GET TO THIS LEVEL? IS IT BECAUSE OF THE BLACK MIST? BECAUSE IF IT’S, THEN BOY I’M PAYING THE ISLES A VISIT.

(Ugh.. .. his cape looks so comfortable… i want to wear it ;v;do you think he would mind if i borrowed it?)

tbh he makes me want to give all my OCs a scythe. I mean, just look at him?? he makes scythes look so cool, especially in his attack animations (You can look at them here!). See “Attack 1mid” for example, put it on slow-mo, and just notice the way he moves his arm over his head to avoid getting hit by the chain LI KE,  H UH UH? OH MYGOD?? 

also, the way his “hair” moves is 👌 👀 *click* NICE.

His animations are pretty great in general, so feel free to look at them if you want–especially Dark Star. They’re not as polished as the newest champions, but they’re still good, imo.

ALSO UHHHHH CAN WE TALK ABOUT HIS VOICE?? is FRICKING fantastic!! both in english and spanish. The actors did an excellent job with him (imo), especially with his laugh. I mean, gosh… his LAUGH :‘v please listen to it, listen to that beautiful sound… (But be careful! it’s loud). I like all of his quotes, but my favorite ones are this one and this one.

And, for some reason, he has his own face on his scythe, which, i have to say, is really cute 💖 ;v;

!?!?! why is he cute!?!? SDKSJDKSJ STOP!! ;o; 

AND THAT’S NOT MENTIONING HIS OTHER SKINS I MEAN???

DARK STAR?? highgH NOOON!?

COULD I PLEASE have 20 more of these green little ghosts dudes thank u.

[doomednarrative]

I don’t mean to bother you but I’m curious about something... What is it like having two partners?

To put it simply, it can be both complicated but extremely rewarding at the same time. Having two partners means a Lot of communication. It means talking things out when problems arise and not hiding things or putting them off. It means talking with them both to make sure that I don't make plans with one of them when I already had something scheduled with the other. It means knowing which partner needs what from me and how I should respond to certain situations based off their needs and what I've learned about them/what they've told me they need from me. It means remembering a lot of things and asking for others when I don't know something. Both Charli and Ren are friends as well, so they communicate things about me as well with each other so that both stay on the same page. They're both invested in my well being as much as I am theirs, so they talk and like to make sure they're doing their best for me like I try to do for them. (They also like to plot for holidays and birthdays together without me knowing because they're both insistant on spoiling me as much as they can, which is always fun.)I love both Charli and Ren very very equally. But, they're also two very different people, and I love them both for very different reasons. They provide me with different things that the other couldn't necessarily give to me, and I appreciate them both for that and for their own separate talents and strengths, and I tell them that as well. Charli is amazing when it comes to being straight forward and giving me logical solutions to problems. When I need solid down to earth advice, he's the one I go to, because I know thats what he's good at, and hes the best at providing it for me. Ren can do this as well, but its not their strong point like it is with Charli. Charli is good at advice and I make sure to tell him that too so he knows I appreciate every situation hes helped me conquor without having a full on breakdown over it since he helped me keep a level head. I also return the favor by being a listening ear when Charli needs to vent or talk out a problem, because often thats what he needs from me when issues arise in his own life. Ren on the other hand is amazing at being an emotional support. They're extremely good at being comforting when I need to be talked down from an anxiety attack or a crying episode or anything invovling heavy emotion. Charli can also do this too, and has, many many times, and I love when he has done this. But hes even admitted that being nurturing and comforting isnt his instinct and logic is his strongpoint. Rens instinct is comfort and emotional care and thats what theyre best at, so I come to them when I need that. And in return, I do the same for them when they need me, and I tell them how much I appreciate it when they help me out. I love both of my partners so so much. Would it be easier to have just one partner? Absolutely sometimes it would be. Having two partners is a lot of effort. But thats the best part about it for me honestly. Because as much effort as I put into it?? I get the same effort back, and we're all willing to be like that for each other. Both of my partners provide for me just like I provide for them, and its all very healthy and overall just Worth it to me. Its so worth the effort to me because I have two people who love me for myself and for their own reasons, and I love them too, very deeply. I wouldn't give it up for anything. Polyamory isn't for everyone, but for those who are willing to put in the effort and make it work? It can be amazing, if you ask me at least it is.

[braincoins]

I'm not an anti. I'm really just not invested in Voltron to be coming for ppl like that over a ship, but I am someone who think age gaps are tricky. Like real life what would a 27 year old want with an 18 year old? The stages that theyre in, in life is so different. Im 23 and I cringe at the thought of dating an 18 year old. I've been hit on my them, and I'm like lol your a fetus? Yeah it's just me, or whatever, but I just think it's hella weird. But an 30 yr old and a 39 year old? Makes sense.

Ask/rant cont. Like my bro (25 at the time) was "talking" to an 18 year old and the shade he got from my fam was other wordly lol. So yeah, sure your not a pedophile, but I see why ppl are uncomfortable with it. Especially in American culture (I'm Nigerian) where age and relationship dynamics are so important until otherwise inconvenient (i.e. US senators messing with 17 and 18 year olds, they creepin) I ain't draggin ships, or VAs (who the hell?) but I definitely have my NOTPs. Good day.

The first thing I want to say to you, Brave Anon, is thank you and to reassure you that you’re not going to get attacked here. At least, not from me. I know this fandom can be a scary place sometimes. I thank you for feeling comfortable enough to send me this ask.

Age gaps absolutely can be a problematic thing, but it’s not purely because of the age. You hit the nail on the head comparing an 18 year old dating a 27 year old versus a 30 year old dating a 39 year old. The difference is life experience (as you mentioned).

An 18 year old doesn’t have the same level of life experience that a 27 year old has. Most 27 year olds have their own place (defined as: not living with their family), a job (or 2 or 3 nowadays), and bills. They have to buy their own groceries, do their own cooking, cleaning, and laundry. They have more interpersonal experience in general, whether that be with work colleagues, friends, or romantic/sexual partners. 

An 18 year old might still be living at home, or else they’re at college. They’re unlikely to be living in an apartment or home that they have to pay monthly bills for. They’re less likely to have that 9 years of taking care of themselves and their own responsibilities, and they definitely don’t have the same level of interpersonal experience that a 27 year old does.

Is it possible that a 27 year old and an 18 year old could have enough in common to overcome that life experience gap and have an equitable and equal partnership? Sure; in this life, anything’s possible. But is it likely? NOT VERY. The odds are not in your favor with that sort of setup.

But even though the 30 & 39 year old have that same age gap, they don’t have the same life experience gap. They’re both used to being responsible for themselves, they’re both pretty well-traveled in life by now. The chances of an equal partnership are much, much greater now. 

But, on the other hand, my dad and my stepmom have been married for …25 years now? Close to it, anyway. When they got married, my stepmom was 28 and my dad was 45. But they had a lot of shared life experience: she was a firefighter and he was a cop (they met at an accident scene - how romantic). They both play softball and like staying active. They have similar outlooks on life. The age gap - as extreme as it was - didn’t matter as much. Dad’s previous two wives (one of them being my mom, of course) were both much closer to him in age, but they didn’t share the same life experience.

Now, all of that being said, age gap pairings (say in the 18 y.o & 27 y.o. type mentioned above) in fiction tend to squick me unless they’re done very, very well and I tend to look for a reason that age gap exists. Why do these characters need that age gap? What is the author saying about the difference in life experiences of these characters? Usually what the author’s saying about it is something I don’t care to hear, so I avoid it. If someone ships, for example, Sh//idge, that’s well and good. They can keep right on doing that, but I’m not interested in it. Just very much not my thing. (Even if you age them up; I see that as a more sibling-esque relationship, personally.) But I’m not going to go yell at them about it. 

And this is why you are not an anti, Brave Anon, and neither am I. I prefer to define myself as being For something, rather than against something else. Antis are AGAINST and their immediate response to what they are Against is to attack it and anyone who doesn’t also attack it on sight. Just saying “Uh, no thanks, not my cup of tea,” isn’t enough for them. You have to lash out, you have to take down.

Being an anti just seems so violent and performative. It centers your identity on hating and destroying, and I’m just too old for that. It’s why, even though I don’t like the antis and their tactics, I don’t define myself as an anti-anti. I’d rather use my limited energy on creating more of what I love than spending it on hating others.

I hope, Brave Anon, that this day brings you more of what you love and less of what stresses you, worries you, or makes you upset. And if you have any more questions or comments, feel free to ask! :) *offers hugs & cookies*

[roxxdafoxx]

Why I stopped celebrating the holidays...

for me holidays were always a disappointment the decision to not celebrate the holidays can save you money and  your sanity its definitely a “rich mans holiday” my grandmother always made it a point to make sure i felt valued she always got me a gift and a birthday cake My great grandmother an I shared the same birth date and having a birthday with my great grandmother was the best now with the exception of a few cousins and my children now that my entire family is dead and after spending every holiday in the hospital ive had a lot of time spent in isolation to learn and get to know myself and God on a more intimate and deeper level not being with family always being depressed during the holidays made me realize why am i allowing these holidays cause me anxiety get me all upset about being able to afford gifts for everyone especially when u have a big heart and the desire to give to everyone id give to almost everyone in the entire world if i could but feeling that way during holidays never sat right with me it would ruin my mood my self esteem/self worth i would feel i had no value like i was never good enough no matter hat i did or gave would never be good enough i would find myself damn near balled up in a corner crying on a day that was supposed to be happy my birthday being so close to christmas put my birthday in the my mind in the  “you dont matter box” lol im sure most can relate if their birthday is during that time when most people are getting ready for the holidays while everyone else gets both a birthday present and a christmas present for christmas babies your lucky if you even get a gift in general trying to throw a party around that time is equally as difficult people are just too busy the holiday its supposed to be about Jesus and his birth and birthday although its not even the day he was born a lot of people aint even really thinking about Jesus at all some celebrate christmas and dont even believe in God its just tradition for them and a reason to celebrate and get gifts and its origins have nothing to do with God!!! The origin of Christmas is completely opposite of what most think theyre celebrating and most are in denial that they continue to celebrate a lie with a dark origin they say halloween is a devils holiday but Christmas is too!! the reason the birth of Jesus is not listed in the bible is because God never planned or commanded us to celebrate his birth because he doesnt have a birthdate he has always existed the bible even calls it foolishness (Jer 10) this is the reason people cant wait for the holiday cram to be over with because theyre busy trying to please everyone except God being selflessly selfish and putting themselves into debt is that really the correct way to show people that you care?  When u travel a bit when u go through some things when u see people struggle just to have a roof over their head are homeless or living in a shelter or if you think of people in other countries who are just grateful for a pair of old worn out shoes you realize how vain the holidays really are the bible even calls it “vanity” when you look at all the beautiful decorations all the money spent on trees and lights etc u start to see it for what it really is its all “vanity” please believe im not being judgemental i celebrated this holiday before i somewhat celebrated it even tho i was in the hospital i mean you really cant avoid the celebration because the majority is celebrating and it will trickle its way on down to you in one way or another for instance i no longer celebrate and this is my first year deciding not to the nurses bought me gifts along with a santa claus hat that ive been wearing because i love hats its warm im into costumes and fashion but even fashion can be considered vanity we have put ourselves in a place and position that we forgot where we came from and what our ancestors went through.. I loved planning birthdays and surprises for friends, but when it came to me, the favor was never returned. That's when I realized that planning my own birthday or holidays or others birthdays that it was too much pressure trying to please others. it still makes you feel inadequate and terrible. nobody cares  Let's be real Everyone is already in debt. Your birthday just became another errand on their daily to-do list. If you invite a lot of people they dont show up or might not bring anything some folks just really are there for the food and a party could care less about you but its just something to do it could mean you have false friendships/relationships in general and you're just there hoping for gifts even fake friends buy gifts too u just never know .... the dark origins is really what made me give up on holidays valentines day is supposed to be about love but i never felt more unloved than on that day halloween aka “the devils day” you get more gifts of candy from strangers than any other holiday ironically and its like the  day where being scared is supposed to be fun the bible clearly states fear is not of God a lot of people like that stuff and like the feeling of being afraid until its a real situation then its not so fun.. i can barely watch horror films i honestly dont know how people come up with these crazy scary movies how do they film them write them and play these characters i mean acting is most def a talent...If you’ve never researched where our Christmas traditions come from, if interested in the truth look into it. I started to share them here, but it would take me FOR.EV.ER. to go through all of the names, dates, traditions, etc. But look into where Dec. 25th came from.  the Yule log, the Christmas tree and its ornaments and lights, holly, mistletoe, wreaths, the Christmas ham… look up Winter Solstice and Saturnalia. If you are really interested in knowing where your traditions come from and what they mean… do some studying.Suffice it to say, what we are doing when we partake of the traditions of Christmas is nothing more than imitating the pagan’s worship of the sun god. And i no longer can stand to have any part of spitting in the face of God. (Sorry, I know that sounds harsh, but this is how it makes me feel.)For a long time I tried to rationalize that it was okay to continue enjoying the festivities. After all, we weren’t doing it to worship a sun god, we were honoring the birth of Christ! Right? Well, after much prayer and studying God’s word, one day the Lord revealed this analogy to me.Let’s just say that your spouse has cheated on you. After all, the Lord does call his people an “adulterous bride” after they went chasing pagan gods.Let’s say that your cheating spouse has come back to you, and asked your forgiveness. All has been made right again.Now, let’s say it’s your birthday. And your spouse wants to honor you on this day. (Although, in an appropriate analogy the celebration wouldn’t even be on your actual birthday!its on the other womans/guys birthday)But instead of giving you gifts that you have clearly expressed a desire for, your spouse gives you things that his lover enjoyed! He made his/her favorite foods, wanted to enjoy his/her favorite activities with you, lavished you with things that would have delighted him/her! Now, would this honor you? Would you feel loved and esteemed in this situation? Of course not!!! You’d be Livid!!! Is this not what we do to Christ, when we say that we are honoring Him by means of pagan traditions!? Being me,.. I wanted to find something in Scripture to solidify my convictions. Would God see the intentions of my heart, and understand that I’m just trying to please Him? Or would He be angry as I know I would be in that situation?...YHWH brought me to Exodus 32, the story of the Golden Calf. Remember that one? Moses had gone up onto the mountain to speak with God (and bring down the 10 commandments), but he took so long in coming that the people began to wonder what had happened to him. They asked Aaron to make a golden calf for them to worship, and he did so. But I thought this was fascinating, in verse 5 of that same chapter Scripture says, “And when Aaron saw it (the golden calf), he built an altar before it; and Aaron made proclamation, and said, Tomorrow is a feast to the LORD.”Do you see what he was doing? The people had fallen back into pagan practices, and were worshiping an idol, yet saying it was to honor God!!  The next verse goes on to say,“And they rose up early on the morrow, and offered burnt offerings, and brought peace offerings; and the people sat down to eat and to drink, and rose up to play.”Wow. Sounds like they were having a very fun celebration, huh?! Did the Lord look at the rejoicing of their hearts and feel honored? Let’s find out…In verses 7-9, YHWH speaks to Moses and tells him what the people are doing. He says that they have “corrupted themselves”, and “turned aside quickly out of the way which I commanded them”.Then in verse 10, YHWH says, “Now therefore let me alone, that my wrath may wax hot against them, and that I may consume them…”.He was SO ANGRY! He was ready to destroy them all! Evidently, He was not pleased at the way they were trying to honor Him… mixing worship with pagan traditions. Mixing the holy with the unholy. water oil Vinegar type mix Just. Like. Christmas.....As I continued to study, I also came to 1 Samuel 15…This is where King Saul went out to destroy the Amalekites. But the Lord specifically told him (through Samuel) that he was to “utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.” (verse 3)But if you read on, you’ll find in verse 21 that they did not do as the Lord had commanded, and had in fact brought back with them the best of the sheep and oxen instead of killing them. Of course, when Samuel confronts him about it, Saul rationalizes that they did it “to sacrifice unto the LORD”.Here again, man is disobeying the Lord’s commands, yet saying he is doing so to try to please God. What does the Lord say? Verse 22-23, “And Samuel said, Hath the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to “OBEY” is better than sacrifice”!!!, .For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the LORD, he hath also rejected thee from being king.”God didn’t want the sacrifices. He wanted obedience!!!.Here’s another in Deuteronomy 12:29-31; He is speaking to the Israelites before they go into the promised land,“When Yahweh your Elohim cuts off from before you the nations which you go to dispossess, and you displace them and dwell in their land, take heed to yourself that you are not ensnared to follow them, after they are destroyed from before you, and that you do not inquire after their gods, saying, `How did these nations serve their gods? I also will do likewise.’You shall not worship Yahweh your Elohim in that way; for every abomination to Yahweh which He hates they have done to their gods…”We are specifically told NOT to worship God with the ways of the pagans!! Jesus himself said in Matthew 15:7-9, “Ye hypocrites, well did Isaiah prophesy of you, saying, This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me. But in vain they do worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.”I don’t want to worship in vain, forsaking the commandments of God and clinging to the traditions of men. (also in Matt. 15:3)I don’t want to have anything to do with the unholy.Ephesians 5:11, “And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.”In fact, the recurring theme all throughout Scripture is for God’s people to NOT follow the way of the pagans (in other words, go along with what the rest of the unbelieving world does), but to be set apart as holy, and to honor YHWH by obeying His commandments!If we profess to worship the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, then we cannot ignore the very character of God as repeated to us throughout Scripture. He is a loving God, yes, but He is also a jealous God. He will not share His people with idols.“For thou shalt worship no other god: for the LORD whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God.” Exodus 34:14 But let’s just say, for the sake of argument, that Christmas traditions don’t really have pagan roots. Let’s just pretend that’s a bunch of baloney.Even still, nowhere in Scripture is it commanded to remember the birth of Christ. In fact, what we are commanded to celebrate are the Biblical Feasts of the Lord (given in Lev. 23), including Passover in remembrance of Christ’s death. Yet, far too many Christians have never even heard of the seven Feasts of the Lord, or they think they are “Jewish” celebrations. Scripture doesn’t call these holy days (not holidays) “Jewish feasts”, but the LORD’s Feasts. And everyone who calls himself a child of Elohim is to keep them. Forever.And so, we have chosen to give the Lord the gifts He has specifically requested, and honor Him through celebrating and remembering the Feasts of the lord.Loved ones, I know that Christmas is a special time of year, and that people get very caught up in its traditions and festivities. But our hearts yearn to honor the Lord… above all else. And this is something that i feel is non-negotiable.So, im  saying “No”: to the holiday rush, and fighting over the latest toys for my kids, and inflatable yard decorations, and the lies of a bearded man who claims to have the powers of God (all seeing, all knowing, all present), and the Great Big Toys “R” Us Book, and “Yuletide” carols, and guilt induced credit card spending, and drunken company Christmas parties, and everything else that the world gets so wrapped up in during this time of year.For me, it really only comes down to one thing:“If you love me, keep my commandments.” John 14:15 And I think I’ve laid out pretty clearly what i believe the Lord expects from us.  one holiday i like which is the 4th of july because it summer and there’s fireworks in the sky and bbq but what is the true origin of 4th of july? i wish we didn’t have to have wars i wish people could just live and let live without hurting anyone why steal why not just learn from each other share a world without greed would be beautiful but also when u have nothing really left and after you have gotten rid of all the fake people in your life u find no real reason to celebrate if you have no one to celebrate with with my family all passing away the money has been short after being  locked up in an institution it puts a damper on things i feel like these holidays are made up just to make the rich get rich yes we all want to have fun and have a good time but id rather celebrate with the right people for the right reason without any ulterior motives that battle against principalities ans spiritual wickedness against rulers of darkness evil spirits in high places the fowl of the air id much rather sell things to people who do celebrate these holidays because at least it can help with bills instead of be a hindrance and burden in my life i’m not judging anyone who celebrates holidays i use to celebrate them too i’m just sharing why i have chosen not to  honestly i celebrate everyday i buy gifts throughout the year why celebrate when the government wants us to? so they can capitalize on the citizens have us participate in their hellenistic rituals that we aren’t even  made aware of until we do the homework and learn about them for ourselves these traditions were forced on us we weren’t given a choice and to think we were told that by celebrating these days we are honoring God and all along we arent we are honoring other gods celebrating holidays that have origins of other gods and not the true God the bible doesn’t encourage us to entertain these practices why even celebrate anything that has the potential to be a set  up for disappointment by not celebrating it eliminates any expectation of having a day that you really only see in the movies on the hallmark channel i’ve also noticed people dread and just cant wait for it to be over like a funeral and its supposed to be a joyful prosperous time its even programmed to be called the most wonderful time of the year i tell ya satan is a sly trickster i chose life and freedom from the imprisonment that i feel when it comes to the holidays so while everyone else is celebrating i decided to be happy and enjoy myself in my own company with God the real comforter snuggled up to him in worship and gratefulness as an introvert id rather spend the days away from all of that i enjoy being an introvert i enjoy being in my own company creating with the creator holding me down and uplifting me and perhaps the holidays have turned me into  a “scroogey your highness grinch” because i view things differently now but with that comes the freedom of me not having to do what everyone else is doing setting myself apart from the masses (mass level of destruction lol insider) i’m living my life by my rules by my preferences and spending time with God my best friend God never asked for anything but for us to live right and be holy because he is holy this is something to be celebrated always everyday everyday is our unbirthday one day out of the year is a day we were born on and we shouldn’t feel pressured or disappointed because someone didn’t get us a gift or acknowledge the fact that we are here another year and alive if anything we should spend our birthday alone with God because for sure its facts that you’ll feel value and loved in the arms of God i feel we should do something special for ourselves no one will ever love us like God can no one will ever love us like the self love we give ourselves truth be told people will always fail u people will not always be there for you people die there are no guarantees in life except the existence of God and his everlasting word anything else is temporary everything we see will one day no longer be  so i make it a point not to depend on external happiness internal happiness is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves  always do you stay true to yourself get rid of old habits that dont benefit your soul and be happy do what makes you happy there’s always room to learn more and to improve in certain areas in your life in all areas a friend once told me and it will forever stick with me and that is we aren’t perfect we are not all knowing we are forever learning and correcting things we are all a work in progress give to others keep yourself in alignment with the word of God by giving to others its like youre giving to God and it will be given back to you within the same measure you gave with so just be a happy cheerful giver give from you’re entire heart good things will happen just dont give and expect something back giving to receive doesn’t work like that...another thing  don’t wait for their birthday or a man made holiday to do things for people some might not even live to see another birthday this kinda follows the saying don’t wait till i’m dead to buy me flowers or wait till im gone to finally miss me invite someone to dinner just because why wait until thanksgiving to feast and be thankful around your loved ones thanksgiving a day where we are actually celebrating stealing the land from the people who were already here thats like allowing someone to move in with you you teach them how to grow food and make a living for themselves and then they rob you and kick you out of your own home and force you to pay them to live in the street and first and foremost last but most assuredley not least never allow the holidays to validate you your value doesnt depend on gifts u get or didnt get or the people around you i like small numbers i think God prefers small numbers too because quality is and always will be better than quantity id rather have 1 real friend than a thousand fake friends even if my only friend is myself i remember in elementary school they would give out secret candies on valentines day some student s would recieve like 30 gifts because either they were that much admired and popular or they bought themselves gifts and made it look like someone else did it for them to make themselves appear to be better but i wonder if fake love makes them feel better its kinda like today how they buy followers do me a favor be happy keep the fake stuff to the side seek to be happy internally so nothing or no one can take that from u people and material things are all external things theyre all temporary the things money cant buy the things we cant see are the more permanent things our bodies are also temporary but these souls of ours are gonna be with us a lot longer so make sure you take good care of it and of you real love is internal and eternal and its the best gift we can give to ourselves signed #EternallyYours #EternalLove