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stillness-in-green · 11 months ago

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Favorite Characters of 2023

Saw this meme template by @limayde and had to drop anything more productive because I Love Character Memes. I tried to focus on characters who particularly signified 2023 in fandom for me, not necessarily just my favorites in any given fandom, and certainly not my favorites of all time! So consider it a reasonable representation of what I read/was reading/was still thinking about last year.

(I'm also relatively sure I could fill this out entirely with BNHA characters, but if I were to do that, it would be with the goal of representing how much I was thinking about said characters in terms of Fix-It Fic(s) Brainstorming, rather than simply how much I like them. Yoichi would be prominent in the former and not present at all in the latter, for example.)

Anyway, after much painstaking cropping, here it is!

(A full list of who all these people are and a blurb apiece of my thoughts on them, as well as the meme template, can be found beneath the cut!)

Most Favorite Blorbo(s) of 2023

Lord Glück and Macht of El Dorado (Sousou no Frieren) – Macht's was the arc that turned me around on Frieren's treatment of demons—he’s so interesting, and so tragic, totally set in his ways while also yearning to change them. Glück, meanwhile, is so devoted to his word, blunt in his assessment of Macht’s character but wholly sincere about trying to give him the knowledge and environment he needs to change. My BF asked me for the spoiler-free version of what I liked about them, and the best I can sum it up as is, “A mutual acceptance despite the parts of each other they can’t understand,” and, “They’ve made each other promises that go all the way to end, to the goddamn end.” Thirty years of that! I am once again begging on my hands and knees for Frieren to get a second season, and also, if the universe really loves me, to end the first season with a tease for the Golden City.[1]

(I cheated a bit here; the central square is intended for a single supreme fave, not center-mounting one's OTP. I am, however, entirely incapable of picking one of those two above the other. Also, putting them both there does bring the character count to a nice even 50.}

1: A second tease. There’s actually been one already, a reference to Macht’s enchanted jewelry, squirreled away in some on-screen text—one of the anime’s many additions to the background detail compared to the manga.

12 Characters vs. 12 Months In A Year. Coincidence? Probably!

(Starting at the top left corner and moving clockwise.)

Shigaraki Tomura (BNHA) – 2023 was the year Shigaraki Tomura got his groove back, thank heavens. While he didn’t get much material in which to speak his own mind—really just Chapters 379 and 411, a full year apart (the latter didn’t officially come out until just a few days ago; we just got the leaks a week early). We’ll see how he holds up going forward, but even those few scenes effortlessly demonstrate just how profound a waste of time handing AFO the reins to the end game was. Here’s to not letting Heroes off the hook in the new year!

Iguchi Shuuichi/Spinner (BNHA) – Spent a lot of 2023 worrying about this guy. Still am worried about this guy. But him turning the tides of the war at the end of 2022 shifted the whole course of the battle, and new we’ve got Shigaraki invoking The Horizon to finally give us incontrovertible evidence that Shigaraki and Spinner have talked about more than just video games! 2024 is shaping up Spinaraki!

Yotsubashi Rikiya/Re-Destro (BNHA) – I provide fanart for this man because, of course, he was in the actual canon not at all last year, absent a single flashback panel from Hose Face, not at all making up for what a caricature that character was otherwise. All the good Re-Destro content I was getting last year was thanks to @nickfoo’s wonderful, wonderful fanart of him. Thanks for continuing to give this guy love, foo! (full art here)

Geten (BNHA) – Himura backstory reveal! And that revelation accounted for the only fanfic I posted last year at all, as well as being super satisfying in terms of largely clearing Todoroki Enji of the responsibility for the heteromorphobic microaggressions perpetrated by certain of his children, as well as giving us some more hints about Geten and Re-Destro’s relationship. Exquisite. (Now just let him have something to say that isn’t mostly there to Contextualize Dabi.)

Vamirio/Anne from Management (Helck) – I reread Helck last year in celebration of its anime, and just to reiterate this again, Vamirio and her determination lead her to make firm stands and fiery declarations about her combat role and priorities that Deku has never even fuckin’ thought about. Vamirio a best; vote Vamirio for Head of Management.

Samuel Murphy +Hal and Nobu (Canis: The Speaker) – Sam’s my favorite of another inseparable trio, probably because, at least as an adult, he’s the most vulnerable—not simply because he lacks the firearms or goons that his partners’ positions allow them to call to hand, but also because of his struggles with insomnia. Whip-smart, observant, and well-spoken, and I always have had a preference for the smart ones.

Jasper (Steven Universe) – I started reading @faelapis’s post-canon Jasper exploration fic Something Better last year and absolutely fell in love with it. It reminded me all over again how much I love Jasper, and how much I wanted a story that gave her all the time she needed to change.

Somei Yoshino (Yakuza Fiancée) – Last year saw the anime announcement and Yoshino’s totally amazing bathtub fight with Azami, which I guess there are cowards out there who didn’t like? RIP to them but I’m different, I guess! I’ll watch Yoshino break her terrible suitors’ fingers any time!

Wolfgang Grimmer (Monster) – Reread the back half of Monster last year solely because I love Grimmer and wanted to read his material again. A perennial favorite, manga and character alike. I love a man held together with scotch tape, stitches and good intentions.

Boutarou the Pirate (Golden Kamuy) – Probably not my actual favorite character in the series, but I finally got to see him in anime form last year after a maddening wait thanks to the delay in 2022. Shiraishi’s best ship and a feral merman (look at the way he uses his hair and tell me I'm wrong) that someone unaccountably let walk around on dry land. A+ character.

Sailor Cosmos (Sailor Moon) – Speaking of characters with a huge wait on seeing them in the anime..! God, I’ve wanted anime Sailor Cosmos since high school, and I’m thrilled to finally get her (and the merch that would accompany her).

Mitaka Asa (Chainsaw Man) – I read the first half of Chainsaw Man a while back, largely on the basis of @robotlesbianjavert’s enthusiasm, and while I enjoyed it well enough, particularly Denji’s assorted travails, I never got super invested in it because, not having to wait week to week for releases, there was never really enough time to get attached to most characters before they got unceremoniously offed. Whether it’s the week-to-week wait or just that I like Asa as a character more, she’s really done the job of getting me interested in the series. I love this loser failgirl and I want only the best for her; while I doubt that’s what she’ll get, at least I can watch her torture logic to make sick weapons and have affecting scenes about her own crippling inadequacy issues in the meantime.

36 Others

(As before, starting on the top left and moving clockwise through the BNHA Zone.)

Scarecrow/Spinner’s Number 2 (BNHA) – Scarecrow’s big speechifying moments would have been back in autumn of 2022, but I still loved him more than enough in 2023 for him to make this grid. He was reduced to a shallow caricature and still had to get knocked off a roof because no one could actually out-argue him, and through all of that unendurable authorial laziness, his potential still shines through for me. Stan the MLA, MLA 5Evah.

Toga Himiko (BNHA) – The only Villain whose Hero foil plotline is working for me on any level, though a lot is hanging on whether or not she, y’know, lives. She definitely should have gotten to stab the bejeezus out of Hawks, and Ochaco should definitely go on the run with her once Apple Cheeks realizes that the HeroAca justice system could not possibly be relied upon to do anything other than throw Toga in a hole for a few years before executing her.

Gentle Criminal (BNHA) – The only redeemed villain whose regard for Deku functions at all thematically. Lady N’s return is hogswash on multiple levels, but I will defend Gentle’s without reservation.

Kunieda + Aoyama Yuuga (BNHA) – Consider these two to be a stand-in for all the thinking I did last year about Fix-It Fic scenarios for this whole final arc. For example, Kunieda in the canon speaks far too knowledgeably both about and to Aoyama for them to be total strangers, so why not plant some seeds for their confrontations earlier? I ask the reader to consider this:

In a version of the Edgy Deku arc that allowed the rest of 1-A to get out into the world to help out with relocation efforts, they one day come across a scene of dread: a neighborhood full of corpses and Kunieda’s flowers. Aoyama has a noticeably shaken reaction, which he plays off as just horror to his similarly horrified classmates, but the truth is that he’s got prior history with Kunieda—AFO didn’t plop corpses in front of his parents to intimidate them (because that’s ham-handed and silly), but bodies were still involved. They’d turn up buried in the family's fancy gardens sometimes, always heralded by those vivid red-black flowers…

Frieren (Sousou no Frieren) – I was relatively neutral on the title character until the anime came out and I had to suffer through The Discourse about her attitude towards demons (arguments on both sides tending to be poorly considered and ignorant, both of canonical details and real-world relevance). That made me a bit more defensive of her, but even setting my contrarianism aside, I was also very pleased with how she navigated the manga’s most recent arc.[2] She’s maybe the first character I can think of who I have actively wanted to write Asexual Representation fic for, if only because my answer to, “Does she Romantically Love Himmel?” is much more complex than just saying, “No, she only saw him as a friend,” or, “Yes, and now she’s going to be sad about her Tragically Lost Love for the rest of her life and we need to write all the fix-it fics about that.”

2: She wants to go home! Her feelings for Himmel, whatever they are, are of less importance to her than going home! Despite everything we know about how she perceives time, she still values her “now” more than her lost “then”! My gloating aside, though, I was far more affected by the sword scene than I was the wedding attire or the near kiss. Being trapped in a wedding illusion? Trite, overplayed. Being trapped in a wedding illusion yet still being able to wrap your hands around your partner’s arm and faithfully guide them into drawing the sword neither of you can perceive? Now that’s intimacy!

Heiter (Sousou no Frieren) – While I had little overall use for the aforementioned most recent arc of Frieren, I did very much enjoy my favorite member of the Hero Party getting a moment to demonstrate what being The Priest Of The Party That Defeated The Demon King actually means in practice. Grausam being unable to put him down with an illusion? Being the only one who could defend his downed companions? The sheer level of trust he has in Himmel? A little bit of vulnerability where he’s bare seconds away from getting gibbed by Grausam? Heiter is the member of the party that we get the least amount of in on: Sein didn’t stay with the party long enough to serve as a point of comparison, and despite Heiter raising Fern, she didn’t assume his role in the new group, like Stark did Eisen’s, nor do her reminiscences about him get anywhere near the amount of screentime that Frieren’s do of Himmel. So for real, you guys, Chapter 118 was so good.

Edward (Shadows House) – *bangs fists on table* WORST BOY WORST BOY WORST BOY!! Anime Edward is pants, but Manga Edward is where it’s at, always keeping Kate scrambling, always coming out on top of his maneuverings against his peer group rivals, just flappable enough that his victories doesn’t look effortless, and engaging enough that his smugness feels earned rather than intended to turn the reader against him. I have no idea how the story is going to deal with the adult shadows, who are after all still just as brainwashed and wronged by Grandfather’s workings as the kids are! If anything, they’re worse off, having already been manipulated into losing the “faces” they must once have loved dearly. Thus, while Kate and her allies certainly approach the conflict with a very Us vs. Them, Adults=The Enemy mentality, the screentime Edward’s own affairs get, fully independent of how they intersect with Kate’s, along with an avowed desire to improve the House that parallels Kate’s, make me hopeful that the authors have something a little more nuanced in mind than, “Free the current victims by wiping out all the previous ones.”

Melinda Desmond (Spy x Family) – The main cast are all perfectly fine, but Melinda is interesting. Super curious to find out more about the Desmond family dynamics, and I love Melinda bouncing around with Yor. (I swear, though, judging by the collective response to the most recent chapter, the fandom is going to turn me into a Donovan Apologist yet. Only one member of that family has visible scars suggesting brain surgery, folks!!)

Anti/Knight/Gridknight (Gridman Universe) – Always my favorite single character from both Gridman and Dynazenon, and he was characteristically great in the movie as well. His scene with Akane at the end was only my second favorite beat because, while it’s wonderful emotionally cathartic (more fanservice like this, please!), it’s also kind of muddled thanks to the idea of Gridman!Anti and Dynazenon!Knight being two separate entities. Churlish to hold that against it, though, when it's so heartfelt.

Minami Yume + Asanaka Yomogi (Gridman Universe) – Such a great pairing in their own show—I once saw someone call them forced, which has always struck me as just being too high on Bashing The Hets to see that Yomogi and Yume have a great arc towards getting together, actually. Seeing them be unabashedly together and happy about it in the film was 100% delightful and deserved. Yume swooping down out of the sky on Dynarex to scoop up her wifeguy boyfriend is my actual favorite beat in the movie.

Hyura (Helck) – Firstly, the dry humor around Hyura is fantastic. (“Something like an arm grows back simply enough. That’s just common sense.” “It doesn’t, right?” “It does not.”) Secondly, she’s the biggest badass in the secondary cast. Thirdly, she and Edil have the designated rival ship dynamic (incredibly rare to see across gender lines in shounen manga), and Hyura holds her own all the way to the end. Hyura is great.

Mikaros (Helck) – “Yes, we may have lost some assets and I personally shattered the mind of one of our strongest soldiers, removing him from the playing field. But the important thing is that I personally overcame my trauma, so overall it’s a win.” What a slimeball. What a total heap. And what an excellent example of the end-stage stakes driving the title character's choice in the epilogue! I love Mikaros unreservedly.

Harold Aldo Hughes and Iwaki Tadanobu + Sam (Canis: The Speaker) – Transformation, reinvention, the fierceness of devotion and the ruthlessness of rebirth—I don’t love them quite as much as I do Sam, but they’re also both great.

Hera (Lore Olympus) – Lore Olympus is one of those series I read more because it’s interesting enough while also being blisteringly gorgeous than because I’m deeply invested in the characters, but the plotline about Hera and Kronos really has pulled me all the way into active, character-specific interest. Great, tense, painful stuff. Can’t wait to see where she goes following recent events.

Redcloak (Order of the Stick) – His last really insightful and heartwrenching scene was in the year before last—that fantastic exchange with Oona!—but for as long as I’m reading OOTS, Redcloak is going to be a favorite. God, the Law Elemental summoning is so funny.

Hyness (Kirby franchise) – This one’s entirely on my sis-in-law—like another character further down the list, I am not remotely “in” the Kirby fandom. But what can I say—tell me about a warped cult leader who started in a bad place and only got worse who still managed to get saved by the Hero taking a leap of faith that paid off, and tell me the fandom calls him a horrible abuser? Sorry, but I Have No Choice But To Stan. (full art here)

Lafcadio Boone (The Sexy Brutale) – Replayed this again last year, and it’s still great. In a sense, despite its sizeable named cast, it really only has the one character, and his story is such that I want to make every single person on tumblr that gets hyperbolic about the forgiveness and redemption of fictional wrongdoers play this game. “Time to move on, old man,” indeed.

Sissel (Ghost Trick) – Finally got the remaster of this and replayed it, and it’s also still great. Knowing The Spoilers about Sissel seriously make replays such a scream, but also man is this game really sitting on some completely over-the-top darkness not at all far beneath its candy apple red and Matrix-text green surface.

Pavitr Prabhakar/Spider-Man India (Across the Spider-Verse) – Strictly in terms of character writing, he’s very fun, but I don’t think he’s as strong as Spider-Punk or Miguel O'Hara, but on the other hand, he’s so much fun, especially to simply watch in motion. Most of the rest of the leads, however varied their artstyles might be, still feel like they move in basically the same ways, just with varying levels of grace vs. power, intent vs. controlled collapse, but because of the way Pavitr uses his thread, he moves completely differently, and it’s just a ton of fun to watch. The first character I went hunting for fanart of when I got out of the movie theater.

Gwen Stacy/Spider-Woman (Across the Spider-Verse) – I have outstanding affection for Spider-Gwen from reading her comics back when, but that opening Vulture fight, the fantastic look of her dimension, and all the trans signaling kept her right at the top, too.

Brutha (Discworld: Small Gods) – @codenamesazanka read this and a few of the Watch books last year, prompting me to do some rereads as well, and Brutha and Small Gods remain very dear to me. I only wish more artists would draw versions of him that remotely resemble “fat, simple-looking young man from a desert country in fantasy!expy!Middle East” rather than “suspiciously trim and Benedictine.”

Sam Vimes (Discworld series) – Ditto on Nal’s read above, but also chatted with foo a lot about this guy, and he’s been my favorite single character in the series since high school. It takes very little to prompt me to reread his books generally, but last year was the first time I’ve had it in me to reread Snuff, as it was previously a little too tied up in my feelings about the last few books prior to Pratchett’s death. Regardless of anything else, though, Snuff is the book for Sam/Sybil.

Mina Murray (#DRCL: Midnight Children) – Discovered this lush chonk of horror phantasmagoria last year and I’m kind of in love with it. Its take on Mina anchors it well—she’s smart and fiery but up against ingrained sexism and classism in her setting, and not too Anachronistic Grrl Power to not be hurt by that sometimes; she’s stubborn, but vulnerable to the supernatural horrors in the way any child would be. An unreliable but intriguing and sympathetic narrator.

Capone Bege (One Piece) – The other character I got onto largely without getting into the series he hails from, nickfoo—whose art I again use to illustrate—does great work with this guy, a once-jovial monster shocked back from that moral brink by marriage and fatherhood. Still gets a bit Into It at work, but tries not to bring it home, at least as much as that can be avoided when carrying both family and crew around in the same heart/sub-dimensional space. (Also, foo’s version of Bege is great, but her rendition of Chiffon is—speaking as someone who doesn’t read the series and can only gauge by image search or skimming the wiki—borderline miraculous, accurate to Oda’s lively caricature design, but so much more sensitive, expressive and human.)

Prince Kazu/Lady Chikako (Ooku: The Inner Chambers) – On the occasion of the Netflix anime, I finally tracked down and finished Ooku last year, and when I tell you that I laughed more and harder in the final arc than I did through the entire rest of the series combined… The Kyoto cast members are a big part of why,[3] and none more delightful than the stuffy, prideful, possessive, and deeply impetuous Chikako, one of the most singularly human characters in the whole 19-volume melodrama.

3: Catty ex-male prostitute turned head of the Inner Chambers Takiyama is the other part of this equation, by the way.

Gao Shun (The Apothecary Diaries) – Long-suffering stoics are my absolute favorite type, and that holds true even though Gao Shun's stoicism has been largely a humorous beat thus far. I want this guy to get more attention, but until then, I will continue to enjoy his weary exasperation every time he has to deal with Mao Mao’s eccentricities/Jinshi’s enthusiasm about same.

Mao Mao (The Apothecary Diaries) – Best female character of the season, for sure, but I’ve been reading one of the manga for a while now, and she’s a regular delight. Eccentric and ruthless by turns, painfully aware of the limitations of her position and yet wholly willing to make her own decisions and exert her own agency within those limitations without ever concerning herself with whether she should ask permission from or report to someone above her rank. Mao Mao’s mercy takes the form of knowing when to speak and when to demure, and every time I see some stuck-in-their-own-ethical-framework commenter complain about her moral compass, I appreciate it harder.

Accustomizer Stud/Tiffany (Angelic Acceptor Alouette) – Enthusiastically resourceful teenage girl who would probably be super into transhumanism if she hadn’t fallen in with angels (sic) instead, transforming into the gloriously nonbinary pile of muscles and amazing hair that is Accustomizer Stud, Tiffany’s ultimate expression of her inner self. Stud is magnanimous, gracious, and well-spoken, and they are also VERY LOUD AND FIGHTY. My absolute favorite character in a game wall-to-wall with great characters.

Yuunagi Tsubasa/Cure Wing (Hirogaru Sky PreCure) – The first Official Boy Cure with absolutely no provisos or qualifications or ways to wiggle out of it, and the show gets him just right by playing him basically completely straight. Has a costume no one would look twice at in a magical girl line-up, wastes no time on masculine embarrassment at his frills, with the only nod he/the show make towards his gender at all being to frame his role as being a knight to a princess, rather than simply a guardian to one, but it’s not really what he’s about. His actual character is driven by knowledge, studiousness, and a desire to overcome the limitations placed on him by being a human/pudgy flightless bird fairy.

Kei Miyama (Go With the Clouds, North By Northwest) – Something of a stand-in for his series generally, which I read the two most recent volumes of last year and fell in love with all over again—particularly the most recent one, which switches deftly between depictions of shattering, world-hollowing grief and the beguiling intimacy of the rhythms of life and nature. But my love for the manga itself aside, Kei’s a great protagonist, full of little contradictions and snags that make him feel much more fleshed out and grounded than your average animanga male lead, even as he’s running around doing very Animanga Male Lead Things, like solving mysteries by using his Strange Power to get information a normal person could not.

Lord El-Melloi II/Waver Velvet (Fate franchise) – Waver is possibly my favorite character of all time in any medium, so it takes very little to rekindle the love. In last year's case, it took the Fate/strange Fake special! Love to see my boy continue to wrest more narrative space for himself than he was originally allotted by virtue of being a run-away audience favorite of the Fate/Zero anime!

Ivan (Giant Robo: The Day the Earth Stood Still) – Got the remastered Blu-ray last year as a gift, and guess what? I still love Ivan in all his cartoonish mini-boss villainy layered over the pathos of tragic loss and resentment. Honestly, I can only assume he’s as well-adjusted as he is because Alberto is so inspiring to work in close quarters with (mood), because otherwise I’d think it pretty unfair that the sole surviving Bashtarle national in the story gets so little to say about/to the people who blew it up.

Isurugi Camice (Mobile Suit Gundam: Iron-Blooded Orphans) – I was a bit too preoccupied with BNHA meta last year to think much about my prior fandom phase, but I still made time to rotate Isurugi in my mind from time to time. As one of my beloved long-suffering stoics, I can always make that kind of time for him. (Image source is from the cover of a doujinshi I have, because melancholy BL doujinshi is definitely more the kind of tonal zone my mental rotations were occupying than they were canon’s!)

And, finally, the blank

(If anyone reading this wants to give it a whirl, I reccommend blowing it up to x2 size; makes the small squares easier to work with.)

#memes #MEEEEEEEEMES #bnha #sousou no frieren #helck #magical girls and sundry shounen #small nonweeb corner #gundam ibo #fate whatever #sorry to the non-mutuals for the random tag-in #thank you for your fic/your meme grid and have an amazing new year

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smimon · 11 months ago

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The other promised personal post, this one about my self-discovery that I completed last year and in the result gained a weirdly powerful feel, like when Eragon found his true name if you know what I mean

Three main paths: art, brain training, isolation.

1. Art

Art was something I always loved, of course all kids do art but I never stopped. I kept making up characters and settings and stories and theme songs and game designs. I did my first zine at like 6 years old lol.

Living in capitalism meant that the most attractive stories were beyond my reach for financial reasons, so out of disappointment I decided to start telling my own stories, as if that was hard. This was all very early in my life and I believe I was always meant to be an artist and storyteller, and the skills I gained only helped me later.

Like when things started to get more difficult around middle school. When family started demanding and gave nothing back anymore. When the only protector I had left me alone to pursue a career, repeating that if they can handle it, I can too - but I was still a child.

When it was forbidden to talk, feel and hurt, I kept creating. Losing myself in fiction, which years later turned out to be much less fictional than it seemed. Most of my writing was about myself this whole time. I was scared someone might find out so I concealed the message so deep that I alone couldn't see it anymore.

And new stories kept coming, I kept drawing, the XP I gained brought improvement. Never completing anything but always creating something new, finding endless joy in rotating the blorbos in my head. And this continues until today.

Many many times I had doubts if it's all worth anything, a devil telling me I should drop art. And always some inner force pushing me back to the drawing desk. So many times I had to ask myself the question: why do I keep making art? And finally, very recently, I have found the answer.

I am an artist. Artists make art. It's that simple.

2. Brain training

Similar to other body parts, brain can be trained. Solving puzzles, finding patterns, learning, math, there are many ways.

For me it was trying to understand my family.

Recognizing patterns level hard. Predicting what will happen. Inventing ways to protect myself. Teaching myself to do things no one would explain to me but everyone demanded me to know.

School was easy compared to this. Studying gave results in a short term, sometimes it was even fun. Teachers noticed and behaved as if it was their success. Other kids' parents noticed and started bullying their children to get the same results, because if I can do it, why can't they? They were not abusive enough to trigger a similar mechanism, but abusive enough to make their children hate me.

But I haven't noticed. I had a few friends and did not even notice everyone else was against me. This was my elementary and middle school, and then at high school the level was much more even so I could be more invisible.

All the time I tried to figure out my family, and they kept surprising me. All the time I could get good grades, and felt like this is the only thing I am good at.

But as Master's degree approached, I had to accept this can't continue forever, that I am not smart enough to get a PhD. That after graduating I will have to start a job, live a normal life, do things I never learned. I was sure I will die within months, but hey, it's been years already and it only gets easier!

My true victory came just a few years after. I have finally realized there is no way to understand my family because they are simply irrational.

That's it! I am free now! High-fiving all the mathematicians who proved a problem to be unsolvable because hey, that's an accomplishment too!!!

3. Isolation

Introverted by nature, I don't like to spend too much time with people, especially the same people over and over again. Especially my family. Three days is my limit.

And I was tied to them all my life. So when I finally moved out, the sudden experience of freedom overwhelmed me. I did not want to give it away until I get saturated with how good it feels to be alone. Also, gaining distance feom my abusers allowed healing to start. But before that, long hours of remembering and understanding and grieving. Gaining courage to finally meet myself, discover who I am. Forget who I was supposed to be. A journey of self-discovery that brought peace and hope and skill and confidence.

But I am still human. Humans are social animals. I need some contact every now or then or I go insane.

For a few years, I used pokemon go. Going to raid hour every week. But everyone was busy playing so the contact was very shallow.

I started going to fandom conventions trying to relive the same kind of wonder I felt as a teenager. It is different this time, of course. I got used to the fun parts. Nothing seems as impressive as earlier. But even then, I felt like this is my place, and my kind if people. I only needed a way to connect.

Then Käärijä happened, of course. Suddenly I had a thought: the biggest fandom convention in the country doesn't have much to offer for me, but maybe I can do something crazy, maybe I can make this event a bit more me-friendly. I returned to fb after years of break to ask on groups if there are any Käärijä fans willing to meet up.

And they were. It only gets crazier from there.

I started talking to some of them. One suggested a Frank fanclub because we all had some Frank gadgets. I designed a sticker. I designed another one. I organized three meetups, day after day. People came. I made friends. A group chat was founded. Was it me who did it?

Then another crazy idea. Make more stickers. Repeat this at other conventions. And so my convention tour started. With many many stickers.

And then I start a daily Käärijä sketchbook. And then I find friends through the stickers. And then I find friends throught the art. And then the friends warm my heart and break it open and put a foot inside so it doesn't close back too soon.

And I realize I am not alone.

Okay?

So I am an artist, I stubbornly forced my way through my early years and ended up with a pretty cool job, and now I get just enough money and independence to decide how to spend time with people who are in general pretty amazing after all ✌️ still no idea what I want next but I am really happy I made it to here

#diary post #vent post #yeah it's. it's all connected #my biggest accomplishment is figuring it all out #truth does hurt but in the end gives freedom #semira origin story

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thewickedbohemian · 9 months ago

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Watched the So Help Me Todd S2 premiere and I Have Thoughts

Nice to see Todd taking things to the next level and feeling even more like Shawn Spencer (even down to the helipad thing feeling totally a Shawn reaction, or maybe an Ezekiel Jones one)

Speaking of which, it seems Todd's trickster luck's still in full force (as since early on S1 SHMT I've grouped Shawn, Ezekiel and Todd together in my mind as similar tricksters who feel like they all have the same pseudo-magical freaky luck/Bugs Bunny bullshit (Shawn has been Word-Of-God said to work by Bugs Bunny rules as much as one could in a live-action setting) going on hmm maybe crossover fic potential esp. since Bugs Bunny takes a lot of Doylist influence from the mythological Loki do with that what you will )

Alison's blonde hair leading to (esp. as she might be an INFP like me) even more "self-recognition through the blorbo" (as if she'd had bangs it would look a lot like mine) and between that and how much I already am in the weird state of both relating to and crushing on Todd, if we get more depth on Lawrence and there's something other than gayness there for me to connect to (like people have said if anyone in the ensemble could be neurodivergent autistic!Lawrence is a possibility) it's going to be (albeit without the crush for the example with minors) The Middle all over again with me vibing with all three siblings and a mom a lot like mine

Speaking of dyed hair is it just me or does Margaret's look as if she dyed it black I mean seriously she looked a bit like an older Regina Mills at some points

OK so how many permissions did they had to get for how much they expied about CBS news (I mean to the degree of having a J. Giannola as an anchor and I think the weatherman's name was also similar to one of our local (Oregonian here) guys)

Even if it was only briefly Lyle singing was not on my bingo card (that and the announcement of Heather Morris joining the recurring cast makes me wonder if musical episode in our future?)

Love the Margaret/Harry and Todd/Susan moving on parallels

Between those and all that stuff with the station full of gays including the actual-news-interns thinking Todd's cute and even down to them pointing out his "gay" look at dinner, potential tease for Todd rebounding with a guy?

Love the whole Phantom Of The Opera motif with not just the lighting "chandelier" drops and the music but the culprit being the lovestruck guy with the facial disfigurement who right before the final drop said something about "love never dies" (aka the title of the POTO sequel)

Major ?! about the whole scene with Beverly and Susan and the partner track, I know firms can have more than three partners but if you'll pardon throwing a blorbo from another show briefly under the bus what is it with badass beautiful bitches named Beverly and butting their butt into everyone's business (and yes the alliteration was accidental until about halfway through)

Just going to bring this petition back around so people keep fighting to make sure this isn't the end (it being Elsbeth's lead-in (albeit two weeks later than I originally thought) indicates the network has some degree of faith but I want to make sure especially because online acquaintances in the industry have told me IF it gets a third season (but that's the operative part here) a fourth is almost a guarantee)

#so help me todd #so help me todd spoilers #cbs so help me todd #so help me todd cbs #shawn spencer #psych #ezekiel jones #the librarians #renewsohelpmetodd #elsbeth cbs #shmt cbs #pardon my adhd ramblings I sound like Todd #And not just because of that but now I wonder if there's a case for ADHD!Todd

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cup-noodle · 11 months ago

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3, 5, 6, 8, 13, and 18 for the fanfic new year asks!

Alright let's go, thanks for the ask!! It got long so I put it under the cut

3. Do you anticipate writing for a new fandom this year? Which one?

Honestly, I probably will! I've only put out two fics and one original work so far, so there's a good chance of getting attacked by a fic idea for something else and writing it. Currently I've been back in the Top Gun: Maverick brainrot so it might be that!

5. Which WIP is first on your list to complete this year? Will you post a snippet?

You probably guessed this one but I'm hoping to wrap up Project Jade sometime this year (probably in summer), it's been the one I've been working on for over a year now. Although some shorter fics might happen before that if inspiration strikes. For a snippet, you can have this one from a later chapter:

Her eyes flitted over to the closet door. Inside, underneath her box of winter shoes, lay hidden the files. Had she known how much hell those pieces of paper would raise for them, she never would have opened her mouth in that hallway. Never.

They'd decided keeping the files close and secret was the best plan of action for the moment. They didn't know what else to do but hold on to them and wait until an opportunity to do some real damage presented itself - that's why they were waiting.

That's what Freya kept telling herself, anyways. That's and what she and Oscar had agreed on. But in truth, there was another thing at play. She knew what kind of power those files possessed, and she was scared shitless. They had seen first-hand the ramifications of interfering with the wrong people, and she wanted nothing more than to forget about it all. To stop worrying about who was going to drop dead next. But it couldn't be nearly that simple.

So she closed the notebook, threw a pillow onto the floor next to Oscar with his laptop, and took a seat. "Alright, what now?"

"You're the green chicken," he hurried to explain, pointing at the avatar of a neon green hen with a comically large knife in its beak. "You have the arrows to move, Q for attack, and- Hey, stop laughing! This is deadly serious," he chided, but she couldn't help but crack up too as they locked eyes. As far as distractions went, this would do just fine.

6. Which yet-to-be-started fic is first on your list?

Like I said I've been thinking about Top Gun: Maverick a lot and I've got a pretty detailed idea for a 5+1 fic about Mav and Rooster over the course of the kid's life. More specifically it's five moments when Mav has to parent Bradley after Goose's death and has no idea what he's doing, and then one time when he knows exactly what to do (at the end of the movie, unsurprisingly).

8. Is there a story idea in your mental vault that you’ve never been brave enough to try writing? Is this the year? Can you tell us about it?

At some point I'd really love to try writing something more dystopian or apocalyptic (or post-apocalyptic), I adore those kind of settings. I have some vague ideas but nothing concrete yet, and honestly I doubt anything's gonna happen this year cause I already have a big project on my hands. Hopefully sometime in the future though!

13. Aside from fanfic, are there any other fan works you’d like to try creating? Fanart, or fanvids, gifsets, or podfic?

I occasionally do some drawing and fanart, so I'd love to do more of that if I have time. Learning how to draw people has been a pain in the ass but getting better at drawing characters is the current goal. Gotta do my blorbos justice.

18. Do you typically post multi-chapters as you write, or finish it all and then start posting? Would you like to change your posting method?

I've done one two-parter and one longer multi-chapter thing, and for both I did something in between. I like to have a fair amount written for the whole thing before posting anything, and then I write the missing bits and edit chapter by chapter as I go. It does result in pretty inconsistent posting but I'm a sucker for feedback and wanting to post it helps with motivation, so I'm sticking with it for the moment.

#local woman has zero ability to be concise #but again thanks for the ask they were great picks!!#i guess these past two years i've really kinda accepted being a writer (as a hobby ofc)#while before it was just a thing i secretly did sometimes lol #so it's been good and i hope it gets even better #ask games #we write at dawn #noodle rambles

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asteral-feileacan · 10 months ago

Text

*Cracks knuckles and pulls up my absurdly long fandoms list*

Thank you for the tag, @fanfictasia! :D I'm resisting the urge to write "because they are blorbo" after each and every one of them. help.

1. Katniss Everdeen

Both book-Katniss and movie-Katniss have always been very alluring to me as a character (characters?). I recently re-read the books and found myself very... understood, I guess, in Katniss as I travelled through the Games with her. She's very family-oriented, won't even consider allowing anything bad to happen to her mother or her sister(who would've had a place on this list if she didn't have to compete with the other characters I picked), and I think that's very noble. She's also unashamedly snarky, but has the presence of mind to feel guilty over hurting others.

2. Anne Shirley-Cuthbert

What can I say? Anne's journey inspired me a lot - both in the show and the books. She's a spunky little kid who unwittingly gets into a lot of trouble, and it's almost always her own fault. But at her heart, she's sweet, compassionate, passionate and imaginative. As a child, and perhaps even now, I had/have a lot in common with her, which I think is part of what drew me to her. Dreamers find dreamers, after all!

3. Aragorn

Disney princes? Psh. Aragorn is the only King I'll recognise. He struggles a lot with what his heritage means, even shunning it for much of the series, books or movies, but he has a sense of nobility, won't leave anyone behind, has the intelligence/compassion needed to let Frodo go his own way and is just generally a badass. He'll slay armies of orcs and cry for fallen friends in the same breath. When he becomes king, you get the distinct sense that this is a man who will not let his people down, and he's already proved again and again who he is and what he's made of. Here, king, you dropped this while you were setting Nazgul on fire: 👑

4. Cullen Bohannon

Cullen is a tired man who begins driven cold and callous with vengance, and ends up broken but determined to protect the love he finds, even putting up his guns at one point. The Mormon arc shows that he's willing to step up, even to a task as big as becoming a father again. He has a sense of honour which flickers in the early seasons as he dispassionately murders the men responsible for his first wife and son's deaths. But as he finds friends, loves, enemies, his attitude begins to shift, until suddenly him being forced to kill again is something he fears. He maintains the drive that got him to build not one, but TWO different railroads, but ultimately realises that what he wants is love, and leaves to start a future with Mei. Cullen could be infuriatingly stubborn at times, and very emotionally constipated, but I was hooked from the first episode and he softened a lot. <3

5. Bucky Barnes

You knew it was coming. And if you didn't, I don't know what to tell you. Bucky is one of my favourite characters of ALL time; I always come back to Bucky in the end. He's a wonderful big brother, and didn't deserve any of the pain and suffering he went through. He's slowly regaining little bits and pieces that you can just tell are pre war!bucky, but all the while discovering new parts of himself as he relearns how to be Bucky Barnes. It's wonderful to watch him forge his path ahead, even if current Marvel suck at dealing with their characters. </3

6. San

This list would not be complete without a Studio Ghibli character. As it so happens, we have TWO Ghibli characters today! San is one of my favourites because, well, Princess Mononoke has been my comfort movie since I was very small, and she's just really cool, okay? I adore how San's rabid, fearless determination to kill Eboshi changes through the movie, culminating with her accepting that it doesn't mean anything.

The scenes of Ashitaka recovering mid-movie are some of my favourites in any movie. They're gorgeous, and San helping him is very sweet. "You're beautiful" and her reaction always gets me choked up.

7. Nausicaa

Look. If Aragorn is the only King I'll accept, Nausicaa is probably the greatest princess this world has ever seen. Her heart is massive, leading her to despise and actively try to stop war/conflict, to adopt non-lethal alternatives to dealing with the insects and even the Tolmekian warriors. She's (presumably) the first person to try to study the toxic jungle rather than fear it, and is successful in her endeavours. Not only does she figure out how to purify the plants, she quickly realises why the jungle exists in the first place when she falls beneath the ground with Asbel. Not to mention she literally sacrifices her life with 100% certainty of death in a bid to stop the Ohmu from destroying the valley.

8. Anakin Skywalker

It'd be weird if I didn't have Anakin on this list, so here he is. I think he's cool, and it's heartbreaking to watch his Fall to the dark side. He started life stuck in slavery, and once he got out didn't see his mom again until she was dying in his arms, amidst a number of other horrible encounters throughout his life. On top of that, he was groomed by Palpatine under the noses of the people who were supposed to protect him. Regardless, he's the Chosen One, and very powerful.

9. Dale Cooper

OBVIOUSLY! Cooper is a ray of sunshine and I will brook no argument on that front. He's just an adorable goofy guy and I love him <3 He comes into Twin Peaks to solve Laura Palmer's murder, probably expecting something a little more straightforward, and when it turns out that this is freakier than expected, Dale Cooper goes "lol okay" and adjusts his methods to keep up. He's nothing like the standard snooty self-entitled FBI agent archetype other media has made me used to (or Albert, if we want an example straight from the show, but Albert has unexpected moments too). I love him. <3

10. Harry Truman

Look. You can't have Cooper without Harry. It's a package deal, you get one you get the other. In all seriousness, Harry is the embodiment of a golden retriever. Living in Twin Peaks and as the sheriff, no less, he probably would have had to get used to dealing with some pretty whacky occurrences on the daily. Or just regular small-town life. He's a pretty chill guy and instantly becomes best friends with Cooper. It's actually so painful to watch him get manipulated by Josie. Damn you, Josie, how dare you hurt my Harry! (no, no, I'm not complaining, it meant we got a Cooper & Harry hug)

Yep, that's about it! There are some characters I couldn't put in because of the limit, but these give you a pretty good idea of my taste in fictional blorbos. I also don't really have anyone to tag, so uh as usual, if you're seeing this from me, you're now contractually obligated to fill it in.

10 Fandoms, 10 Characters, 10 Tags

Thank you so much @idle-brit for tagging me!This was lots of fun :) 💖

My tags: @delyth88, @elymusplant, @galaxythreads, @chemical-processes. No pressure to answer, of course :)

1. Loki (MCU)

As much as I love everyone on this list, there is absolutely no competition for number 1. Loki has been my favourite character of all time for nearly 6 years now (because clearly the best time to join someone's fandom is after they've just been murdered), and is showing absolutely no signs of being replaced anytime soon. I have a Loki blog, for god's sake. The brodinsons are my favourite relationship in any kind of media, ever. I love them so, so much. Loki's a million different things and feelings, all at the same time, all fighting with each other, which makes for a wonderfully complex and nuanced character. Also, he's hilarious. Look at that eye roll. This is a man who hates his life, which makes me feel better about mine. Thanks, Loki.

2. Klaus Hargreeves (The Umbrella Academy)

As will become obvious throughout this list, I love me an emotionally traumatised crazy person. Klaus is that. One of the characters who makes me laugh the most, ever, show-stopping dress sense, and a bucketload of unresolved trauma which goes largely ignored by Klaus, the other characters and the narrative itself? It was love at first sight. Their banter with the other characters, especially Ghost Ben (rip) is one of my favourite aspects of the show. Here's to hoping that Klaus won't be getting the Allison treatment in season 4!

3. Pippa Fitz-Amobi (A Good Girl's Guide to Murder)

I binge-read the entire AGGTM series earlier this year, and instantly fell in love with it. Pip is one of my favourite protagonists ever. Impossibly clever, compassionate, obsessive, badass, and a teensy bit unhinged. What's not to love? I would die for her. I'd say that I'd kill for her, but I think she's got that covered. I think she's written in a very realistic way, firstly as a genius 17 year old girl who doesn't really know what she's getting into, and later as a haunted individual who wants to stop investigating but can't. The way she politely knocks on people's front doors to dig up their traumas, accuse them of murder and all-round ruin their lives is everything to me. She is my blorbo. I am so, so excited for the show to come out, and I'm sure that Emma Myers will do a wonderful job as Pip!

4. Katniss Everdeen (The Hunger Games)

One of the best-written characters, in one of the best-written series ever. Reading from her perspective is such a delight- she's endlessly suspicious of everyone around her, constantly on survival mode, trusting very few people and relying on exactly no one (to begin with, at least). She's a random teenage girl, from the poorest district, and she wins the Hunger Games. She's so mentally unstable that she has to be sedated, and still she's made to be the face of a rebellion. She's rude, and kind of unlikeable. She adopts all the weakest tributes, at risk to herself, knowing that they won't win. She's doomed to fail by the narrative. She's the it girl of 2010s dystopian YA fiction. Jennifer Lawrence is an amazing actress, who does a beautiful job portraying the depth and conflict of Katniss in the films. The themes and social commentary of the Hunger Games is one of its (many) strong points, and I am so so glad that people are talking about it again, because it is my favourite book series out there.

5. Mitchell Pritchett (Modern Family)

I have no idea what to say about this man, I just love him. He just like me fr. What an icon. Impeccable music taste. I've started saying, "no my god" now, and nobody understands what I'm talking about. Even in a sitcom, my favourite is the one with issues that he refuses to talk about or fix. The episode where he's trying to hide that he dressed up as spiderman makes me cry-laugh. Claire's speech at his wedding makes me just cry. He's not a perfect man, but he's certainly better than everyone else.

6. Shin Tsukimi (Your Turn to Die)

My favourite cringefail loser! I said Katniss was doomed by the narrative in a metaphorical way. This idiot is actually doomed.

No but in all seriousness, I do really love him. Before the beginning of the game, he was just a relatively normal young man- but, when confronted with the inevitability of his own death, he made himself into a monster to survive. He has a violent vendetta against the local badass teenage girl, who is traumatised as hell already and does not need Shin chipping in as well, thank you very much. I love his relationship with Kanna, his biological sister; how he uses her, manipulates her, and still cares for her so much that he dies for her with a smile on his face in the Emotion route. Conversely, in the Logic route, his actions are a direct cause of her death, and I just love how much YTTD hates siblings. I hope that his past with Midori is explored more in either a mini-episode or the final part of the game, because I find it sooo interesting. I'm super excited to see whether he actually has no chance of survival, or whether he makes it out, against the odds, on one of the routes. He's a bit useless, so I won't get my hopes up.

7. Rue Bennett (Euphoria)

I think it goes without saying that Euphoria has its issues, lol. Sam Levinson is an idiot. While a lot of the show (especially season 2) feels shallow and like it doesn't care about its characters, Rue's storylines always have heart and depth and I am so invested in her arc. It's no wonder that Zendaya won 2 Emmys for this role, because her acting is phenomenal! Rue feels so real to me, in the way that she's trying so hard to stay sober but she falls down and relapses time and time again. Recovery isn't linear, but she's getting there, and I adore her with all my heart. Her relationships with Lexi, her mother, her sister, and her sponsor, Ali, are my favourites, and the healthiest for her, in my opinion. Her brief friendship/ romance with Jules may have kept her more solidly sober than anything else in the show, but Jules (understandably) cracks under the pressure of Rue's mental health, and can't be there for her. Rue needs to heal for herself, which she appears to be doing at the end of S2.

8. Max Mayfield (Stranger Things)

Duffer brothers, please just let her be happy.

Despite only being introduced in Season 2, Max has, in my opinion, had the best character development out of everyone on the show. Her growth from someone standoffish, rude, and uninterested in the group (maybe I'm being a bit harsh. She was, like, 12) to someone who is willing to risk her life to help her friends and Hawkins means so much to me. The scene in "Dear Billy" (S4, Ep4) where she escapes from Vecna remains my favourite in the whole show and will probably be burned into my brain forever. Her relationships with Lucas and El are very sweet, and some of my favourites in Stranger Things. Her final line in S4, after all her struggles over the season, being that she doesn't want to die literally breaks my heart. I hope she gets some degree of a happy ending in the final season. She was my first profile picture when I joined this hellsite, and I love her a lot.

9. Anne Shirley (Anne of Green Gables)

The shenanigans that this girl gets up to never fail to make me laugh. The bit where she accidentally dyes her hair green and then has to hack it all off makes me feel awful for her, but. it's hilarious. Sorry, Anne. Her friendship with Diana is so sweet but also so funny to me because they really are the most chaotic duo of the 1880s. The scene where Anne accidentally gives her alcohol instead of fruit juice is so mortifying but so, so funny. Amidst all of the insane situations that Anne gets into are a lot of really heartwarming moments and relationships. Matthew and Marilla adopting Anne, even though they wanted a boy, because she's so endearing and alone in the world is probably what made me who I am today. I still haven't gotten around to watching Anne with an E, but I've heard it's amazing. I look forward to watching it when I have the time :).

10. Daphne Blake (Scooby Doo)

My first ever favourite character! Another one who I don't have a tonne to say about. She's an icon, she's a legend, and she is the moment. She has done nothing wrong, ever. She knows martial arts, so watch out.

Honourable mentions: Thor (MCU), Finnick Odair (The Hunger Games), Gretchen Weiners (Mean Girls), Jake Peralta (Brooklyn 99), Maurice Moss (The IT Crowd), The Eleventh Doctor (Doctor Who), James (The End of the F***ing World), Ali Abdul (Squid Game).

If you read all of this then thanks, and have a great day!

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