#i love the narcissist cookbook he says things we all need to hear

[faggotfungus]

[digitalhovel]

The Narcissist Cookbook’s new album came at the perfect time for me

The Narcissist Cookbook’s new album, “This is How We Get Better” is one of my favorite albums I’ve ever listened to.

It’s not hard to see why. Narcissist Cookbook is a leftie, “queer icon???,�� self-deprecating, honest, folksy, punky, artist. It’s right up my alley, and I would absolutely recommend it to anyone interested in folk/punk/folk punk. Especially because this album is no less honest, but perhaps more approachable than the previous albums.

This isn’t a statement against “Moth” or “Hymn.” Both of his previous albums are phenomenal works, but they’re also highly confessional. As he says in “Matador,” “The Narcissist Cookbook is an attempt to counterbalance that impulse / It's a reminder not to lock the scary things away / Whether they're bulls or ghosts or dragons / We don't run / From these things here / We don't dance around them / Ideally we don't even fight them / We just see them / Look directly at them / Try to understand them.” This creative spirit is part of the reason I love the Narcissist Cookbook. Above all else, the work is honest. It speaks to something sincere, wonderful, and often painful. “This is How We Get Better” is no less honest despite there not being any deeply confessional or personal moments. Instead, we receive a series of affirmations, degradations, and existential questions about life.

The album’s opener, “Practically Imperfect” sets the tone immediately. It is an anthem of bodily reclamation, and the acknowledgement that many people can see the beauty in others’ flaws but not their own. Maybe it’s the fact that I recently realized I’m a woman, but the instant laundry list of things the singer hates about his face, followed by an acknowledgment that to “be a human being is to be a total mess” was a sentiment I really needed to hear. The catch of the song is pretty good too. Narcissist Cookbook keeps bringing the acoustic chords and the catchy hooks, and they keep working out. It’s a direct but gentle entry into the album and welcomes the listener in.

“GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE” is an anthem for everyone who’s struggling to get out of bed. The heavier chords and electric guitar backings come in thick, and the second-person perspective is a welcome twist on NC’s usual spoken word pieces. Maybe it’s because it feels like a message to the audience in addition to it being for himself, and this inclusion feels intentional. The message is so universal, that I can’t help but think of the countless others who are struggling alongside me in the world. That invisible solidarity is present here. This is where the name of the album comes from, and Narcissist Cookbook’s message of strength and persistence carries the piece.

The fourth track, “The Simplest Words” probably hits me the hardest out of everything on the album, so I’d be remiss not to mention it. It’s one of the more melodic tracks on the album, bringing in NC’s self-made acapella beats which pull the audience along and keep the rhythm running smoothly through the song. “This is How We Get Better” differentiates itself by not being an exploration, but an excavation, of self-hate. He plainly says, “I hate this body. I am more scared of myself than I am of anyone else.” The simple truth of these words really hit home for me. But more than that, I love about this work because it does not beg me to interrogate this. By highlighting the fear at the root of this disgust, he points out the harmful and useless nature of self-hate. It is not a celebration of self-deprecation. It acknowledges it for what it is.

The singer doesn’t ask for you to help him. He doesn’t ask you to look inside yourself and really question why you’re listening to this song. He doesn’t demand of you any further questions or answers, simply letting this truth be. In the same year that Bo Burnham’s Inside made waves, I am much happier knowing this album exists in an unpretentious, truthful space, expressing the raw moments of depression and anxiety that many of us face without shaming us or begging our forgiveness or permission or mercy. The Narcissist Cookbook instead reaches out a hand and acknowledges we have more in common than we do different, welcoming a chorus of voices that sing, “This body is built on the ruins of all the people I have ever been. Wise men build their houses on rocks while the rest of us settle for skeletons.”

It is not often that I feel seen in a piece of media right now. However, I feel this sentiment particularly captures the current time of literal and metaphorical transition in my life. I do not know what to do with the last 22 years now that I have discovered some deeper truths about myself. I suppose I keep building. I go back and I patch the faulty walls and the uneven foundation, and I work to make this place somewhere I can live. Skeletons will have to do, I suppose.

The rest of the album is full of great hooks, some thought-provoking spoken word, and the catchy guitar riffs that characterize Narcissist Cookbook’s work. From songs about mycelia hiveminds, to the sentient spaces created by our own collective wandering and characterizing, to the things we ingest and consume, Narcissist Cookbook continues to delight.

The final major song I cannot go without mentioning is “STOPPING A GARDEN HOSE WITH YOUR THUMB.” It is the most explicitly confessional song on the album, detailing NC’s foray into kissing someone while still being in a separate relationship. This entrance to polyamory exposes the truth, “We really do make a point of teaching kids that there is precisely one person to be / One way to live / Straight / Cis / Overworked / And monogamous.” The metaphorical garden hose is the truth. It’s something that inevitably bursts out, getting everything wet and leaving you and the surrounding area a mess. I’d been holding my thumb on a garden hose for twenty-two years. I hope NC, whoever reads this, and whoever listens to this album gets to relieve some of that pressure. I know I feel better having done it, and I am glad there are others out there discovering themselves in similar and different ways, as we all learn to face the terrifying and exciting possibilities of being so much more than what we thought of ourselves.

So, in conclusion: if you’re queer, trans, mentally ill, sad, happy, or just want to hear some folksy, ballad bops, go listen to this album. And thanks to Narcissist Cookbook for the memories and the inspirations.

https://thenarcissistcookbook.bandcamp.com/

[esbion]

Hey @snochako​ Happy Holidays! I'm your (late) secret santa! it's not much but here's some fluffy-ish miritama. thanks for giving me a new rarepair!! hope you enjoy :) @boku-no-secret-santa​ thank you for running this!! 

All Tamaki had wanted was to cook a turkey.

He never wanted this-- a dozen people crowded in he and Mirio's small apartment strung with garlands and mistletoe, with a makeshift tree set up in the corner.

He never wanted a party.

Tamaki stares around at his friends stuffing their faces. Mirio is, of course, sitting among a group of people, talking animatedly about one thing or another. The sounds of laughter and conversation fill his ears, threatening to overwhelm him. There's a three-year-old tugging at Tamaki's sweater with sugar-dusted fingers, asking for another cookie.

Tamaki sighs. He almost, almost regrets having the idea in the first place. 

***

"I'm going to make a Christmas feast," Tamaki announces, lying on the couch with his head in Mirio's lap.

Mirio glances down at him. "Yeah?"

"I mean, a feast. With a lot of food, and a turkey."

"Really?" Tamaki nods, eyes shining. "Like in American movies."

"Sounds good to me," Mirio says, grinning. They don't even do Christmas, but Tamaki sounds excited and Mirio will happily eat anything his husband makes anyway.

 ***

This week Tamaki's grocery list is even longer than usual. Mirio's eyes scan the paper. There are a bunch of words he doesn't recognize, which is fine (hopefully), he'll just ask one of the employees about it.

"Wait," calls Tamaki, just as Mirio is about to exit. "I'm coming with you."

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to," he replies, slipping into his warm black hoodie which Mirio gave him in high school, the word SUNEATER printed on the back over the image of an eclipse. Tamaki is pretty sure he looks like a narcissist wearing it, but oh well. "Even you can't carry all those bags yourself."

He's not quite sure that's true. Mirio can carry a lot of things (including Tamaki) by himself. Despite tragically losing his Quirk all those years ago, he's one of the strongest heroes in the country, if not the world. It was amazing what one could do with gadgets and brute strength. They were both pro heroes, but if Tamaki lost his natural abilities, he'd be screwed.

"Come on," he says. Outside, the snow is just beginning to fall, dusting the ground and the trees and the buldings with white. Flakes land on Tamaki's face, melting like powdered sugar when it touches his warm skin.

"It finally feels like winter," Tamaki says, sighing contentedly.

"Yeah, it really does," Mirio says, putting an arm around Tamaki.

 ***

Mirio comes home, carrying a whole box bursting with colorful lights and sparkly things. "...do we really need this many decorations?" Tamaki asks.

"Yep," Mirio says cheerfully. He unpacks the box, exploring the various goods.

Mirio has, apparently, made it his duty to Christmas-ify their place as much as possible. So while Tamaki is hoarding recipes and learning how to cook sweet potatoes, Mirio is stringing lights along their balcony railing and hanging mistletoe in their doorways.

He's standing on a ladder to affix tinsel on the wall when he spots a movement in the corner. "TAMAKI, YOU'VE GOT TO SEE THIS," he yells accross the apartment.

Confused, Tamaki heads to the other room. Mirio points at the wall. Tamaki's eyes widen. "A butterfly?" he breathes, stepping forward to get a closer look. "Is it alive?"

"I think so. It was moving." Mirio has an urge to reach out and touch it to see if it moves again, but Tamaki has always said how delicate butterfly wings are.

"It's a peacock butterfly," Tamaki whispered, marveling at its rusty-red wings adorned with tricolored eyespots. "Aglais io." He reaches out and the insect just comes to him like he's some kind of butterfly whisperer, just flies into his palm. "It was probably hibernating in this building and woke up when the central heating came on. Peacock butterflies are one of the few species that hibernate in the winter..."

Mirio listens to him talk about butterflies, the way his eyes light up as he describes his favorite subject. People who think that Tamaki is quiet have never seen him like this, because once you get him started on bugs, especially butterflies, he'll talk your ears off.

Since the butterfly needs a place to hibernate again until the weather's good enough to release it, he fetches one of the many clear plastic boxes they own from the closet. Tamaki sets the butterfly down gently. "There you go." He places the box in the closet, a cool dark place where the cat can't get to it; the insect can sleep in peace.

When he comes back to the living room, Mirio is on the step stool again, attaching some odd-looking plants above them. "Umm, what's that?"

Mirio gets down and flashes him a wide grin, his eyes gleaming just a bit much. "Mistletoe."

"...Mistletoe," Tamaki echoes. "...I thought it had red berries? Not white?"

Mirio is giving him That Look, and Tamaki feels his cheeks start to heat up, as if he's a schoolgirl with a crush rather than a grown adult who's been married to Mirio for three and a half years.

Mirio finds Tamaki's embarrassment cute. "I guess it can be both," Mirio steps closer to him, grin growing wider as he leans in to kiss him. 

***

December 25th. Mirio wakes up with the sun, as usual.

The best thing about waking up next to your best friend every morning, Mirio thinks, is not just feeling his hair brushing against your face and his warmth against your bare chest, but also that you get an extra moment to gaze at him sleeping, perfectly content away in some dream world.

He’s in deep sleep, body worn out from his long night of patrolling. He squirms in his sleep, shifts from side, then opens his eyes to see Mirio sitting there looking at him.

“You’re awake,” says Mirio.

Tamaki yawns. “Still tired though.”

“Go back to sleep,” Mirio says, getting out of bed. ���Sleep in. You have the whole day off.”

He got up, heading over to his closet. Tamaki frowned. “Where are you going?” he asks blearily. “Work.”

“Oh,” Tamaki says, remembering. He’s got to patrol today, even through a lot of the other people got to have a break on the 25th. Of course Mirio's the one to volunteer for an extra shift. “But it’s snowing.”

“A real hero doesn’t let something like snow stop him,” says Mirio.

“Yeah, yeah," Tamaki said, getting up he walked over to the window, shivering as he left his warm cocoon of blankets. “Still. No one should have to go out in this weather."

Snow is building up on the windowsill. The gusts of wind so loud that he could hear it howling through what few trees there were planted in the grassy strips outside their city apartment. Walking in this cold would be awful, even through the window Tamaki can almost feel the sting to his face.

At least he doesn’t have to worry about Mirio randomly ending up naked somewhere after using his powers now that he was Quirkless.

Mirio finishes zipping up his hero suit and saunters accross the room to join Tamaki at the window. "I'm gonna go now, okay?" Mirio says softly, curling his hand around Tamaki's fingers.

"Okay," Tamaki sighs. Lately it feels like they've been seeing less and less of each other.

"Even Pro Heroes need a break sometimes," Tamaki says, reaching upwards to kiss his husband on the cheek.

"I know," Mirio says, putting his arms around him for a quick hug. "I'll be back soon. You just rest, okay?"

***

Tamaki does not rest. He stays in bed a little longer with the cat curled up in his lap, before he nudges her off and gets up to go the kitchen.

He opens the refrigerator and checks on the thawing turkey. Alright. Time to work. It's never too early to start prepping food. Tamaki is sitting on the counter, flipping through one of his fourty-two cookbooks, when a loud ding-dong! disturbs his pondering over the merits of spinach vs. cauliflower as a side.

It's 8 am, who could that be? Tamaki shuffles over to the door and peers through the eyehole. A big blue eye stares back at him. "Hello?" says a girl's voice.

He opens the door. "...Nejire?"

Tamaki braces himself as Nejire throws herself at him and hugs him tightly, hands full of shopping bags. "Oooh, Tamaki, I haven't seen you in like, a whole month! Happy Christmas, I brought you guys lots of stuff and I hope you like candy canes 'cause they had nine different flavors and I bought them all."

She walks in, throws her bags--most of which appear to be from sweet shops--on the table.

"Candy canes?" Tamaki says. "I love candy canes--but, why are you here?"

"Because it's Christmas!" Nejire says, practically bouncing with energy. "So, when's everyone else coming?"

Tamaki frowns. "No one's coming. Mirio isn't even going to be home until later..."

"Really? But--oh, nevermind...hey, did you change your hair?" She reaches up and touches his hair.

"No? Anyway, I thought you'd spend Christmas with your girlfriend."

"Oh," for the first time, Nejire's smile falters, just a little. "About her..."

"What happened?" Tamaki sits on the couch. Nejire plops down beside him, accidentally smacking him with her abundance of pastel-blue hair. "Well..." Nejire regales him with the tale of her love life, the two of them sharing the candy between them. Tamaki has the brilliant idea of breaking up candy canes and putting them in hot chocolate, gulping down steaming cupfuls. There's nothing better, in Tamaki's opinion, than a warm drink when everything else is cold and gray.

After a while, Tamaki remembers that he's supposed to be cooking. Nejire follows him into the kitchen. He assigns her some veggies to cut. She continues talking and talking and talking. Tamaki doesn't mind, he's used to listening. The doorbell rings again.

"I'll get it," Nejire says, running to the door.

For a second Tamaki thinks it's Mirio, back from work early, which makes his heart jump.

Then he hears a booming voice greeting him. "...Fatgum?" He says in surprise, before he's pulled into a crushing hug. 

***

Mirio has fifteen whole minutes to kill during this break. He's restless, thinking about Tamaki at home by himself. He debates between calling and texting. Probably Tamaki is busy cooking and wouldn't see the notification. Sighing, he picks up his phone and calls.

Tamaki answers on the third ring.

"Hello?"

Mirio smiles into the phone. "Hey."

"Mirio, why are you calling me?" You know phone calls make me nervous, were the words he didn't say.

"I just wanted to hear your voice."

A pause.

Mirio can practically feel him blushing through the phone, suddenly not knowing what to say. He laughs, changing the subject for him. "So, how's your turkey coming along?"

"Mirio...we have guests."

"Guests?"

"At first it was Nejire, and then she invited Fatgum, and she also told Uraraka and Deku so now they’re here and I think--"

"Tamaki, calm down--"

"--and now we're gonna have nothing to eat!"

"Listen, everything will be fine--"

"...or I could make two turkeys."

"Isn't it a bit late for that?"

"...or, or, I could just make a lot of pasta and hope it makes up for it?"

"...you could, or I could pick up some fried chicken on the way home."

"...Hmmm...yeah, yeah that's good."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

"I have to go. Love you."

"Love you too." 

 ***

As the day goes on, more and more people start to show up. At first it's just a few of their old schoolmates and his mentor, Fatgum. And before Tamaki knows it, Nejire's inviting the neighbors whose names Tamaki barely remembers. He doesn't want to kick them out, so he lets Nejire and the others entertain them while Tamaki stands in the kitchen.

For their part, the guests are all willing to pitch in. The neighbors brought a strawberry shortcake, Kirishima and Deku are making appetizers, wrapping up sausages with phyllo and filling mushroom caps with cheese and breadcrumbs. Fatgum gives Tamaki advice from his extensive turkey-roasting experience. Uraraka is using her antigravity to lift a garland that's fallen off the wall. 

"You know what we should make?" Uraraka says. "Popcorn balls! And hang them like ornaments."

"Ornaments? Where are we going to put them, the wall?" Bakugou walks in from the living room, holding his and Kirishima's daughter.

"Where would you put them, then?"

"A tree."

"We don't have a tree," says Tamaki.

"I can go out and get one," volunteers Kirishima.

Bakugou looks at him. "What, you're gonna rip a tree out of the ground?"

"From the store."

"I'm coming with you."

"No, no, you stay with Mai."

"Fine. Take...someone else," he gestures vaguely.

"Come on," Deku says. He puts down the flour. "Let's go." 

***

They return twenty minutes later, treeless. Apparently, there are none left. They decide they'll just have to make their own. 

"It's beautiful," Kirishima brims with pride. The "tree" consists of a few large branches haphazardly tied together. They've draped leftover tinsel, fairy lights and pompom garlands over the tree, with plastic-wrapped popcorn balls and glittery ribbons tied to the branches.

Kirishima hands Mai a star cut out of an aluminum foil tray, and picks her up so she can place the finishing touch on the masterpiece with a look of pure joy. 

"Good job!" he says, and places her back down. Mai runs off, chasing the cat currently slinking into the hallway.

Tamaki watches them, sinking onto the couch with a sigh of relief. He's done everything he can think of doing, for now--prepping food and sticking the turkey in the oven, hiding his messy pile of clothes in the closet in case anyone goes in the bedroom.

Nejire is beside him, leaning against his shoulder like she often used to do in high school, her hair falling over his shoulder and getting in his face. It's comforting, a familiar thing in this room that's suddenly too full. Tamaki closes eyes, listening to the cheerful rhythm of her voice among the other sounds. He can't wait until Mirio gets home. 

***

When Mirio gets home, arms laden with buckets of KFC, it turned out not all the guests had come empty-handed. There was a huge stack of pizzas on the table.

"Who brought the pizza?"

"We did," said Kirishima. "Mai's going through a phase, she'll only eat pizza."

"Only pizza? That's not healthy," Tamaki said, as he puts down the plates.

"Exactly. You're just spoiling her," Bakugou mutters. Mirio is surprised the man even came tonight; he's not known for being the friendliest person. Though his presence may have more to do with the girl currently clinging to his leg than with a desire to socialize.

 "Pizza?" Mai's eyes widen. "Daddy, can I have a pizza?" She asks Kirishima.

"No, not now, you already had some."

The girl scowls and switches tactics, turning to Bakugou. "Papa, I want a pizza."

"You heard your dad. NO."

She looks up at him with pleading, watery eyes. Bakugou tries to resist.

She keeps staring at him.

"Oh, hell." He yanks a slice out of the box and shoves it towards her. "You better eat that."

She munches away, reveling in her victory.

Kirishima gives Bakugou a look. He glares. "What? I'm not gonna let her starve!" 

Mirio shakes his head in amusement. He glances to his left, wanting to share a glance with Tamaki but his husband is gone.

***

"Hey," Mirio says, walking into the kitchen.

Tamaki looks up at the sound of his husband's voice.

He puts a hand on Tamaki's arm. "Are you okay?"

He stiffens. "Of course?" It comes out sounding more like a question than he intended.

Mirio stares at him for a long moment. "Come on," Mirio says eventually. "Let's go for a walk."

Tamaki hesitates. Can he really leave the apartment? 

"It's okay. Our friends aren't going to set anything on fire."

"Mai already burned a hole in the curtain." Tamaki says. "But okay."

"Did she?"

"Yeah. Fire Quirk."

They head out the door. A few people give them weird looks as they pull on their winter coats, but no one says anything. They walk down the sidewalk, Mirio taking him by the hand and leading him down the path to the nearby park. It's a winter night, so the sky is inky-black despite it being only 7 pm. The air is cold and crisp, and tastes refreshing. Colorful lights sparkle along the edge of the water.

The two of them stand on the bridge hand and hand, looking over the water.

"Remember when we used to come here a lot, when we were younger?" Tamaki says.

"And you would tell me the names of all the bugs."

"Yeah, and one day you found a flower patch with lots of butterflies and you sent me like ten photos because you knew I would like it?"  

Mirio squeezed his hand. "Yeah."

"And over there," Tamaki points vaguely in the direction of a specific bench. "Is where you proposed." 

"Yeah," Mirio fidgets. "And I was going to do it later when we were in the gazebo to make it romantic but it just kinda slipped." 

Tamaki nods. "Yeah."

They fall silent.

"I kinda wanted it to be just me and you today," Tamaki admits. "I mean, we're always busy and...and..." 

"...and?"

 "I don't cook for people, usually."

Come to think of it, Mirio can't remember the last time he'd cooked for more than one person. "Everyone loves your food. Don't worry."

"Christmas dinners are supposed to be, you know, grand and fancy--"

"...I think you're idealizing Christmas."

Tamaki sighed, looking out onto the river. "I just want this day to be okay."

"It'll be fine. I know I'm having a good day because I get to spend time with you," Mirio said, putting his arms around him.

"...Mirio..."

"Look at the lights. Aren't they pretty?"

Tamaki nods. They gaze in the their direction of their building. "Which one's ours?"

"That one, I think." From far away, Tamaki sees a light on inside, with vague silhouettes of people moving around. There's mutliple apartments like this--lit up and full of people. All these people celebrating, just because they can.

"We can have some time alone, next week," says Mirio. "We're going to your parents' on New Years Eve, but the day before..."

Tamaki smiles, intertwining his fingers with Mirio's. "That would be nice."

"Let's go back in."

***

 You wouldn't think so many people could fit inside their small kitchen, but they do. Everyone gathers around the table, admiring the array of dishes. There's so much to eat. Even Tamaki is impressed by the amount of food. They heap their plates with buttery mashed potatoes, roasted vegetables, green bean casserole, creamy mac and cheese, dinner rolls, fresh steaming rice, baked fish, scallops. And of course, the turkey.

"Here, I'll do the carving," Fatgum says, and Tamaki breathes a sigh of relief because he hadn't thought this far.

They dig in. Fresh out of the oven, the roasted meat is lovely and tender--a bit dry, but that's what gravy is for.

"This gravy is really good," says Deku.

Nejire pipes up. "Hey, Tamaki, what happens when you eat gravy? It has chicken broth, right?"

Tamaki shrugs. "It's just the broth, it's not like I'm eating its meat. The turkey, on the other hand..." He holds up his arm, revealing a three-toed turkey foot.

Nejire recoils. She's seen him with tentacles and claws and all sorts of things but apparently a bird's foot is disturbing.

"Can you do feathers?" asked Kirishima curiously. Tamaki nods, holding out his arm as long brown feathers begin to appear. The others watch in fascination.

"But you can't fly."

"Turkeys can't fly anyway."

"Oh yeah."

"If you eat fish, would you be able to breathe underwater?"

"Last time I tried I almost drowned, remember?"

"No," says Nejire.

"No," says Mirio.

"No," says Fatgum.

"...seriously? You guys don't--?"

"Tell us," Kirishima says eagerly.

All eyes are on Tamaki. He squirms. "Okay, fine, it was during that swimming training we had one year. It was the midterm and for some reason, I was 100% sure I could grow gills so I had fish stew for lunch..."

By the time he finishes, everyone is cracking up.

Before they know it, they're swapping stories, reminiscing about their past and the little things that made them who they were today. The time they fought so-and-so, and the times they dueled each other.

Looking around, it's clear, at least to Tamaki, that though they've changed they're still all the same. Nejire is still wide-eyed and cheerful, Kirishima still has that disarming sharp-toothed smile. Even if they've recieved scars and slight wrinkles near their eyes from witnessing the things that they did, they haven't lost their will or their personalities.

Mirio hasn't lost his bright smile, or the way he naturally draws people towards his warmth.

He has, however, lost a very important thing: his Quirk.

Tamaki thinks that right now when everyone is discussing their pasts, Mirio must be pondering over what could've been. It's been years, but it probably still hurts. He gets up, all of a sudden and walks across the room.

There's no space on the couch and he doesn't attempt to force himself between Deku and Ochako. Tamaki sits on the armrest, places his hand over Mirio's. It's a small gesture, one most people won't notice. But it says what he wants to say, and he hopes it's enough: I'm here. Mirio stops talking, glances at Tamaki, and starts talking again with a bit of a smile on his face.

***

"Are you eating gravy with pizza?" Nejire asks Uraraka.

"What? It's good."

She looks around the room, at everyone shaking their heads.

"Pregnant people sure eat weird things," Bakugou says.

The room goes instantly silent.

"Y-You're pregnant?" Deku turns to Uraraka, his jaw dropping.

She nods. "I was going to tell you. I don't know how he found out."

"Don't look at me, it was Eijirou."

"It was just a guess," Kirishima says. "And you weren't supposed to tell, Katsuki." He gives him a look.

Bakugou shrugs, attempting to feed his daughter a spoonful of mashed potatoes.

Nejire looks at Mirio and Tamaki. "So when are you having kids?" she says bluntly.

Tamaki nearly spits out his cider. "We--we're only twenty-five!"

"So?"

"We had Mai when we were twenty-one." Bakugou informs them.

"You guys are different." Tamaki's parents would like to be grandparents, but he and Mirio weren’t making that happen, not yet.

He gets up. "Time for dessert." 

Though everyone insists that they have no room, not a single person (including the child) refuses a slice of strawberry shortcake, or pumpkin pie topped with vanilla ice cream. (Tamaki had been unsure about including the ice cream, but it seems fine in this house with the heat cranked up all the way.)

Tamaki even brings out cookies, which were frosted with the help of a certain little girl who squeals when she sees the messy, sprinkle-laden treats. "Cookiecookiecookie."

"Just one," Bakugou says.  

***

Before they leave, Uraraka and Deku pause under the mistletoe to kiss, and continue to kiss until they notice Tamaki standing there on his way back from the kitchen.

"Sorry," says Deku, hastily moving out of the doorway, still staring into her eyes.

Next, Kirishima and Bakugou, unwilling to be outdone by the other couple, do the same. They're interrupted by Mai coming in between them, so of course she gets kissed too, as Kirishima picks her up and gives her a peck on the cheek. It's grossly adorable.

Then everyone is looking at Mirio and Tamaki.

"I can't believe we have to do this again." Tamaki says as he turns to Mirio. He's smiling though, and this time he's the one pressing his lips against his husband's, his hand curling around his arm, moving in close. Their friends are staring at them, which would normally make Tamaki feel a tiny bit self-conscious but for the moment he doesn't care.

***

The door shuts, and then Tamaki and Mirio are the only ones left. It feels empty now, but somehow Mirio feels the distance between them is smaller than ever as he pulls Tamaki towards him. "Well, it wasn't what you expected but this was nice, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," Tamaki agrees, leaning against him, half asleep. Then he opens his eyes and declares, "I want cake."

He's about to get up and go to the kitchen but Mirio says, "I'll get it" and comes back with two plates piled with leftover cake.

They sit on the couch. There's dishes to be done, but they'll do it later. Tamaki feels too tired to talk so they eat in comfortable silence, forks clinking against their plates.

Mirio is considering taking another slice of cake when suddenly Tamaki speaks. "Mirio," he says, voice serious. "You're the strongest person I know."

"What?" Mirio looks at him in surprise. Now he knows Tamaki's tired, otherwise he wouldn't be saying random stuff like this. "And not just physically," he places a hand on Mirio's buff chest. "When you lost your Quirk--"

Oh. So that's what this is about. "It's not a big deal..."

"No," Tamaki is suddenly wide awake, his dark eyes fixed on Mirio. "It does matter. I don't know what I would do. But you? You just kept going, even after everything--"

"It was a long time ago."

"You're amazing."

"I think you're exagg--"

"No. I'm just saying that you shouldn't regret anything in your life and you did the best you could do and--"

"Okay, okay. I don't regret anything." Mirio feels warmth rising inside him, stroking his husband's hair. "Why would I? I'm a Hero, I've saved almost a million people, I have a perfect husband..."

He glances down. Tamaki has already closed his eyes and before long, he's fast asleep.

Mirio lets him sleep. It's been a long day and Mirio thinks that as far as holidays go, this one has been pretty great.

(fin.)

[tessatechaitea]

Metamorpho #4

I cannot read "Bad Chemistry" without singing it and adding "Til the day I die!"

That feeling when you run into an ex after a lengthy period of time and think, "Oh yeah. We're gonna fuck!"

Sapphire and Rex pursue Simon and Jillian who have gone off to the pyramid to get the Orb of Ra back. Remember Mason's claim that archaeologist's can't trust their partners? I bet Simon betrays Jillian! He's really gone daughter-fucking crazy. When Rex arrives to stop them, Simon Stagg uses the Orb to hurt him while taunting, "Never come between a father and his special daughter!" So is that why Mark Waid pitched this story? Did he grow up reading Metamorpho comic books thinking, "Man, that old guy really wants to fuck his daughter!" Did he actually pitch that story to DC editors?! Mark: "Pictures this: a four part Metamorpho story where we learn Simon Stagg's entire motivation is getting into his daughter's lady cave!" DC Editor #1: "Remind me. What's a lady cave?" Mark: "Virgin!" DC Editors #2-4: "Ha ha! Good one, Mark. Augustyn is totally a virgin! It sounds like a great idea! Are you coming to our party later? Brian isn't invited!" Mark: "But don't you want to hear about how the Orb of Ra is a metaphor for Simon Stagg's penis?!"

"Touch it, Rex! Just touch it! Feel my cock's power!"

Sapphire falls into her dad's trap and tackles him to stop him from killing Rex. Simon Stagg gets a huge boner. Although he drops the Orb of Ra which is the symbol of his penis so maybe he actually loses his erection when he realizes his daughter has stood up to him. If Sapphire tackled me, my Orb of Ra would only get stronger! And it would probably go off instantly! While everybody else is distracted, Jillian grabs Stagg's penis and thinks, "The orb's still potent!" See? It's totally a penis metaphor. She runs off to the chamber at the top of the pyramid where the Orb is supposed to be able to cure somebody who has been metamorphosized. Rex manages to climb back to his feet and he notices some dust on the hieroglyphics that Conway missed. He blows it off and reads the final line of the cure and yells, "It's a cookbook! A COOKBOOK!" He then rushes off to save Jillian for some reason. Metamorpho gets to Jillian as she's bathed in the Orb's excretions. Apparently the cure wasn't meant to reverse the transformation but to complete it! So that's why Rex and Jillian look so gross. Because they're only half baked. Jillian turns into a pillar of salt and Rex shrugs his shoulders and goes off to find his son. Joey has made his way to the meteor room because archaeology is in his disgusting, modified blood.

Don't encourage him!

Rex and Sapphire hear Joey laugh in the chambers below and Rex realizes he's with the meteorite. So he and Sapphire run into the chamber to fetch him. Luckily Joey has turned the meteor to lead so Sapphire doesn't have to become Metamorphess. Also, Joey is cured! His skin is normal! He doesn't look like a freak anymore! And his grandfather is going to be pissed that the little brat didn't turn the meteor into gold before losing his powers. So the Mason's are once again a family and Sapphire plans to turn Stagg in for the murder of Java. But I guess that never happens. Or maybe it does happen but Superboy's punch and/or Mr. Mind's devouring of the DC Universe brought Java back to life and made us all forget that Simon Stagg loves incest. What am I? A scholar in DC Continuity?! Does that even exist?! Nerd! Metamorpho #4 Rating: B-. It's a decent story if not a little boring. The best part was how Mark Waid had the gall to make Simon Stagg into an incestuous murderer. It's almost as if he realized before the rest of us that evil narcissists expose themselves in their desire to fuck their daughters! It's practically prescient!