#i love that poem but i always wanted a more creepy reading of it

[yeehawpim]

Words are from the poem "Immortality" by Clare Harner

[humblefryingpan]

The "Amy likes spiders" poem in doki doki literature club (Natsuki's second poem) just makes me think of being closeted with internalized homophobia and I think it works really well for her

There's the poem if you haven't seen it!

(This is just me analyzing the poem and it's probably my longest post yet. I've been overanalyzing all the poems but this is the only one I've typed out atm lol)

It specifically makes me think of four things - Yuri liking different things and her disliking her for it, Natsuki being so far in the closet that she'll take any excuse to avoid the pretty girl™, Natsuki's self projection onto "Amy" and most importantly internalized homophobia, like I said earlier

It generally makes me think natsuri but I'll get to that later. So if we go from the internalized homophobia + closeted perspective (more like raised homophobic and doesn't know she's gay but ykwim), it reads as "a girl I know is a lesbian and Im meant to hate her for it. She's pretty and she makes me feel things but I can't be friends with her because she's a lesbian"

'The narrator' (Natsuki) heard a rumor that a girl, "Amy" (the lesbian), apparently likes 'spiders' (girls) and is repulsed. And that's why she isn't friends with her.

"Amy" sings the narrator's favorite love song, her voice is cute and it's making her heart pound. But she still likes 'spiders', so she can't be her friend.

She hurts her leg and "Amy" helped her get to the nurse. She tried to avoid touching her because her hands might be gross due to touching 'spiders', so she still can't be her friend.

"Amy" is very popular, but "she probably talks about spiders" (being gay). "What if her friends start to like spiders too?" (This entire verse rlly speaks for itself)

The next verse is shortest and even more repetitive than the rest of the poem (to emphasize her point) "it doesn't matter if she has other hobbies, it doesn't matter is she keeps it private, it doesn't matter if it doesn't hurt anyone" because to the narrator - she can't be "Amy's" friend, no matter how bad she wants to, because she's always going to be a 'spider lover' (lesbian) and she won't be able to ignore that.

And then the final nail to seal shut the door to the closet - "it's gross, she's gross, the world is better off without spider lovers. And I'm gonna tell everyone" because she needs everyone to know she hates 'spider lovers' to make sure no one knows she is also one. It's so gross because she was taught it was and now she can't stop thinking it's gross, no matter how nice/pretty/kind "Amy" is.

Onto the natsuri part so if you don't like that ship feel free to skip the rest of this (if you're still here lol)

Yuri and Natsuki like such different things (creepy and complex vs cute and simple) and they reach the point where they've argued so much that Natsuki doesn't want to admit she doesn't dislike Yuri. Even if she likes her poems, she'd never tell her because she feels like she can't at this point.

Natsuki couldn't see past their differences for a while, when she finally does, she's too embarrassed to apologize and too uncomfortable to befriend her without apologizing.

Nearly every verse of the poem will talk about how great the girl is. How she has a cute voice, she helped her, she has lots of friends, she makes her heart pound. But every verse she will still come back to "but she likes spiders. That's why I'm not friends with her". It feels like her gradually warming up to Yuri but still reminding herself that she can't be her friend, they're too different, Yuri likes creepy things (Yuri probably does like spiders so that's a bit more literal but it's also that spiders seem to symbolise everything she likes that Natsuki doesn't) and she couldn't be friends with someone so different.

And lastly, Natsuki's self projection (this is what the meaning is said to be in-game), meaning "Amy" is Natsuki herself. Natsuki likes manga and her friends won't believe it counts as literature. Her manga is the spider in this interpretation, she doesn't want people to judge her based on what she likes. She's had to be so defensive about what she likes, she may even judge herself for liking it at this point. She doesn't want people to judge people by their interests.

I keep seeing people say that Amy is a real person but that's one of the only interpretations that makes no sense to me. Because Natsuki may be a bit judgemental but even she wouldn't make an entire poem about disliking her classmate's love of spiders. She said herself that anyone that agrees with the narrator in the poem is a bad person. It's far more likely that "Amy" is a made up idea, she's barely even shown as a person. She's seemingly meant to be symbolic of Natsuki's flaws and insecurities, whatever you perceive those insecurities to be.

Portraying Amy as an actual person kinda cheapens the poem, at least in my opinion, because she was talking about how people should be given a chance no matter what (or who) they like and if Amy was a person it wouldn't make sense

[luimagines]

I dare you to do one with your favorite trope to write (unless you've already done it)

Oh my goodness, this might be longer that usual. XD

And I really had to think about what I wanted to write. I think I'll make this a one-shot. (unless you guys want more anyway) Prepare for this to be as self indulgent as hell. :D

And I'll make it Time while I'm at it.

Masterlist

Content under the cut!

This was the third time this week that you found something like this. You didn't know who was doing this.

A basket, filled to the brim with goodies and trinkets alike, sat properly outside of your window sill. It would be charming if you weren't on the third floor. Someone was climbing up to your balcony and leaving the baskets for you to find.

It was creepy- to a degree. There was never anything malicious about it though. The baskets typically held a flower, a warm meal (or groceries) and some little thing for you to put around your apartment.

You see, you moved to the Kingdom of Kokiri with nothing but a backpack and small child's wagon. Your apartment wasn't even on a nicer side of town. But it hard to be worried about robbers when you're home is bare and empty.

Slowly, that's been changing though. The baskets always had a poem attached, but no name. You secret admirer would give little things from time to time. The baskets are getting more frequent too.

What used to be a small monthly thing, turned weekly then bi weekly- and you're beginning to suspect that they're turning into a daily thing.

Part of you worries that whoever this is, is spending too much on you.

But seeing that the last basket had a new set of dining wear with plates and cups and a some nice utensils to match- you're not inclined to have them stop anytime soon when they're improve your very living conditions as it is. Even if you feel a little guilty.

That being said, this basket had a warm meal already prepared, still steaming in the glass tupperware. There was a small bouquet of roses near the top and a small little box that you opened to see a single slice of chocolate cake.

The card was attached on the inside but it lacked the typical poem. It simple read: "Rest well, Love. You've worked hard today. Dinner's on me. I just want to see you smile in the morning."

You smiles and tucked the card back into its place, bringing the basket back into your apartment.

You have to figure out who this secret admirer of yours is. It has to be someone with access to your floor but it can't be a neighbor. Right? You're on the corner so it can't be anyone to your left. But maybe your neighbor to the right? That's a creepy thought. You hardy ever see him and you don't think he showers throughout the week.

It can't be him. Or at least you're going to deny it.

Maybe it's someone from above? That's more likely. There is this cute guy that you know lives on the floor above you, but you don't know which apartment. It wouldn't be hard to drop the basket secretively onto your balcony from above if that was the case.

The thought rotates in your head as you eat the food. It's delicious. Decadent, even.

Gratitude fills your heart and soul. you have to return the favor somehow after everything this person has provided for you. But how?

You head to bed with a smile on your face and a full stomach. You'll have to start small but you can think of something.

The next morning you head to the castle and walk straight to the throne room.

It was a deal that the king had proposed personally to you. You get to work concern free in his kingdom but you have to report to him every other Tuesday. Seeing as you had nowhere else to go, you didn't think it wise to refuse.

You've grown somewhat close, but with his power and status by his side, you couldn't help but slightly intimidated by him even now.

The king- like most Royals of Kingdoms of Hyrule- was a dragon. Sure, he could take the form of a typical man, but he stayed in his half form more often than not. His age and strength add to his credentials. As the current senior amongst dragons, all you've gathered is that he's lived longer than he appears. The older the dragon, the stronger they are.

King Link is a force to be reckoned with.

However, he's kind and patient with you. He's not all that bad.

You nod and grin at the Captain, who's affectionately called Warrior. Another dragon hidden among the people. You don't know his story, but he's a hard working fellow. He also came to the king in a time of need, looking for asylum and has been working under his employ ever since. He is the king's right hand man.

Warrior smiles back and salutes you softly as you enter. You'll never understand why you've more or less been given free reign of the castle, but with his approval, you feel better to head on in.

You meet the king and curtsy clumsily, still feeling rushed. He's asked you call him Time and he stands from the throne. His face is kind, amused even. A chuckle tumbles out of him as he walks toward you, his marble like tail swinging behind him. "I thought we were passed the formalities, my dear."

You clear your throat. "Were we? I don't recall."

He laughs again. "Come. We have much to discuss."

You nod and follow. He leads you to the back room with a gentle touch the small of your back. It's a familiar routine that you've grown comfortable with.

There's a small rounded table with a pale blue laced table cloth. There's a delicate tea set and it's covered to the brim with snacks and treats alike. You think you see a few of your favorites and your eyes light up at the sight.

King Time notices and he smiles, pleased. "Sit."

You nod and take your usual spot. Time sits across from you and serves you the pieces that you eyes earlier. You almost feel bad. You're still full from the night before.

Time notices. "Something wrong, dear?"

"No." You shake your head, afraid of insulting him. "Someone gave me dinner last night and I'm still a bit full from it."

Time seemed to be shocked by the tidbit. "Really?... Was it good?"

"It was delicious!" You can't help but gush. "I would normally cook for myself but they send food from time to time and it was still warm so I couldn't resist."

His smile turns a little tight. "Is that so? I'm glad that you were fed adequately then.... May I ask who?"

You falter, the smile on your face turning more soft and shy. "Um... I think it was my neighbor..."

"...You don't know who it is?"

You blush and look down onto the table, playing with the treats on your plate. "I know that I should be more cautious. But they've only ever left it on my balcony... It's a secret admirer so to speak. They've given me trinkets and flowers and food. It seems as if they've slowly been furnishing my house for me. I don't know... I've been trying to think about who it may be, but I'm coming up short. Regardless, enough about my lack of love life-"

Time abruptly puts his hand under the table but you catch the reason why before he can hide it.

He's bent the fork in half with his hand, seemingly without realizing it. He smiles brightly, as if nothing happened and the thought gets put on the back burner for now. "Right... Well, you can always ask for my assistance, Darling."

You shake your head with a small smile. "Thank you, but I'm here to report my work. Let's get to business then."

Time clenches his jaw slightly but nods in agreement. "Right. I believe last time you mentioned that you were following a trail of some suspicious individuals on the property of the farm lands for relief efforts. Did that bloom into anything substantial?"

You pull out a manila folder with a smirk and hand it to the king. "Did it ever."

The time passes before you know it. Little by little, as you give your report, if drifts away and you're talking about your lives as much as you can before you leave.

Warrior comes in, informing Time of another meeting has to attend. He looks apologetic.

The king winces but you're quick to stand up, mid panic. "I'm sorry. I've overstayed my welcome."

"Impossible." Time blurts, standing abruptly as well. He reach out as if to stop you and moves around the table as if to block your path. His tail curls around your ankle, stopping your in your tracks. It's gentle but firm. Even if his grip is painless, you can already tell that you wouldn't be able to escape on your own.

You freeze and after a beat he lets you go. Time gulps and stands, seemingly more aware of what he was doing. His grip falls away and he takes a step back. "R-right... I won't keep you from your work much longer then."

You can't help but blush. He's always been fine with putting a hand on your shoulder or your back... but the tail is one of the most sensitive parts of a dragon. And he just grabbed you with it. For some reason, you find yourself blushing.

You nod dumbly, as if your schedule is jammed packed like his. Your heart is pounding. You follow Warrior out of the room as he leads you back to the main gate of the castle.

"Sorry." Warrior says quietly. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

"Nonono-" You're still shaken by the phantom feelings of the scales around you. Even if it was just a brush, there was a power there. You don't know why you're so out of whack suddenly. The act was more intimate than you were able to admit. "If you didn't say anything, I would have kept going. Honestly, I swear he's just humoring most of the time."

"This is the only time we get him to actually take a break." Warrior tells you. "He'd work himself t the bone if it weren't for you. It's not like he can't afford it. He's two years ahead of his work. By all means, keep him there longer."

You flush and look away, walking out of the gate. "Oh please, he'll get sick of me before we'd know it."

Warrior is quick to bite his tongue, biting back the instant retort that no doubt sat on his tongue. He takes a breath and shakes his head.

"...He likes you." Warrior looks pained. Like there's something there that he wants to say but can't. You don't see it. "Would you like me to walk you home? If I recall you live far enough away-"

"Not enough to cause concern, Captain." You smile and pat his shoulder. "But thank you."

"His Majesty wouldn't like it if anything happened to you." Warrior tries to push it a little bit.

You shake you head. "And take more of your time away? You work just as hard, if not harder, than the entirety of the castle staff. I think only the King works harder than you."

He presses his lips into a thin line. His own scales poke from under his skin. Something is riling him up but you don't know what. You've never seen his dragon form or even his half. He seems to hide it more often than not. You would never know he was a dragon if the King hadn't said anything earlier.

Warrior sighs and runs his hands through his hair. "Very well... Just... be safe, yeah? I don't think the goddesses themselves would be able to calm the king should things go wrong."

"Like what?" You snort. "I end up in the hospital? I'll be fine. No worries."

You wink for good measure and head home, happy, fulfilled and ready to take on the rest of the week.

You miss the next three visits.

Part 2

[spiceofvy]

Hello 🤗 can I pls request BTS headcanons where they have a crush on a non celebrity female reader who is their friend? Thank you ❤️😊

BTS - Having a crush on a friend

a/n: thank you so much for requesting! I had so much fun writing somethin sweet and fluffy like this! I hope you enjoy it too!

cws: written with a fem!reader in mind but no gendered terms used, sfw, fluffy, nothing else to tag, this is really just wholesome and cute

Seokjin: This crush will be no secret. He hits on you constantly. All the bad flirting, but he is pretty so he gets away with it. This also includes flowers, fancy food and random trips to the beach. You choose the music of course. Everyone always assumes that you are already a couple, when in reality he is still trying to get you to go out with him. And if you can't tell from all his flirting he will just give it to you directly. "Can't you tell that I've been trying to get you to go out with me?"

Yoongi: He is very much in control of his feelings, but his actions speak so loudly. He's always by your side. Whenever you come over he has your favorite food prepared for you. He gets really flustered whenever someone calls him out on it, blushing and telling them off. But he probably won't confess to you himself, someone else drops it by accident and he gives up with damage control "Yeah he's right y/n… I am in love with you"

Hoseok: This man hypes you up. You go shopping together? So many compliments. You join him in the studio? He treats you like the best dancer in the world. He also takes you with him on every vacation he gets offered. No matter if it's fashion shows or trips for music recordings, you are everywhere with him. Confessing to you will not be an active choice on his side but the end of a long ramble of his. "You know, that's why I think I love you so much. Wait…"

Namjoon: Oh he knows everything about you. But not in a creepy way. He read all your favorite books, so he can discuss them with you later. Knows your favorite artists, and has a perfect playlist for you, no matter your mood. Sends you so much art he likes, paintings, poetry, all of it. He just loves to share his life with you. There will be no confession, more you calling him out why he sent you like 6 love poems in one night "Ah… I guess it was kinda obvious…"

Jimin: You stay his cute little secret. No one gets to look at you. You are his best friend and only his. No matter how often the others ask to meet you. He will keep you for himself. So his confession is also very private. Just the two of you in his apartment, he got you takeout and your favorite playlist is playing in the background. When he takes your hand and quietly whispers to you. "I just want to tell you, that I have been in love with you for so long."

Taehyung: No but why do I think that he talks with Yeontan about you? Because he definetly does. Whenever he comes home from your place he immediately falls into a quick ramble about you, gushing about you smiling widely. So much that Yeontan probably reacts to your name and of course you are over a lot so he also gets really excited to see you. Taehyung will confess to you unintentionally "You know, I think Yeontan is also in love with you"

Jungkook: This man can not hide his crushes to save his life. It will be so obvious. Whenever he sees you he has the brightest smile, being so excited to spent time with you. He introduces you to all his friends, and if anyone ever says something wrong about you or looks at you weirdly he gets really defensive. He confesses to you with a big gesture. "What? No this is not too much! This is just enough to show how much I love you!"

[xiaosfiance]

Genshin boys as subtle things I do to show I care.

(or assigning things I do when I have a crush to them)

Implied modern au

XIAO;;

Somehow, always recognizes you in the crowd. Watches every move you take, short glances every now and then, but never makes a move or starts a conversation. He just...watches from afar. Or more like admires you from afar.

"what are you talking about? I wasn't staring at them, I was just zoning out."

DILUC;;

Extra gentle towards you. Rethinks every sentence he's about to say like, 23 times, before actually saying it outloud or over text. It's not like he overthinks every interaction with you or something, it's just that...he finds himself caring about your feelings far more than he should.

"I hope what I am about to say does not come across as rude."

KAZUHA;;

When reading poems, the thought of you always crosses his mind when he stumbles upon a love poem. Oh, and by that, I mean he can't even write them without it magically turning into a love poem centered around his feelings for you. And then all of a sudden BOOM his whole collection somehow reminds him of you as if you're everywhere and are the air he breathes.

"I do not want to be the girl who tucks you in,

And kisses you goodnight;

I want to be the girl who plagues your thoughts,

And keeps you awake at night."

WANDERER;;

Will literally go out of his way to avoid you at all costs. He leaves the room immediately when he sees you enter, and no, he doesn't hate you, he just... hates the way you make his heart beat so fast. He has no idea how to manage his feelings so his immediate reaction is to just straight up leave.

"Oh, y/n's coming to our hangout? I can't go anymore, my mom told me it's past curfew."

"bro ur mom abandoned you when you were 4."

ZHONGLI;;

Remembers every single thing you like, remembers every single word you say, and remembers your little quirks, hobbies, and the things you like to do, to the point it's actually creepy. Like wdym he remembered that one time you said "I like Hershey's chocolate." Next to a purple trashbin after your dog let out a massive fart at 7:22pm, Thursday, July 6, during your late night walk to 7/11?!?!

"You told me you liked this, so I got it for you."

CYNO;;

Would pause any game just to reply to your text. It doesn't matter if he's playing something online, or if he might derank if this round is lost, your way better than any of that anyway. Oh, you texted him during his valorant match? He's using his buy time to chat with you and walks into the round with only a classic in his inventory, and no shields. It's not like it matters what equipment he has anyway, he'll destroy the enemies weapon or no weapon.

"noob always going afk report tcggodcyno"

"ur just mad I have a gf to talk to during a game unlike ur maidenless ass"

[kudouusagi]

Would you say that Bucchigiri is Utsumi's sophomore slump (coming off of SK8)? I was hoping for so much from this one, and yet it seemed like she and Taku Kishimoto were making so many wrong decisions here during its production. MAPPA's influence probably didn't help matters either.

Well, according to Utsumi from the Spoon 2.di article I read, she didn't really know what to make with this one so it was kind of a group project. She really wanted to make SK8 and she asked for pretty much all the staff that worked with her on it personally. It was very much a passion project for her.

For this one this one she said she was already making SK8 and didn't know what to make when they asked her to make another original series, so she discussed it with the producers at MAPPA and they all agreed on a yanki show, and then it took them a long time to decide on the Arabian Nights theme after that. She suggested a few different ideas and the other producers decided they liked the Arabian Nights theme best. She was assigned Kishimoto to be the writer, but she hadn't met him before. Things like that.

Here's something from the interview with Kishimoto in Spoon 2.di 107

Q: Kishimoto-san, it seems that you initially proposed a bit cooler story but Utsumi-san asked you to add some comedy to it. How did you feel when you heard that request? A: If I had to say, I've had a lot more work reorganizing and rearranging the structure of manga to adapt it into an anime. I'm not the type of person who naturally has a lot of stories and characters bubbling out of me, so when I make things I unconsciously drift toward making formulaic stories of cool heroes who always win. When I do that though, the characters I make are very stereotypical, and so when I submitted the first draft to director Utsumi and MAPPA's Otsuka-san, they said "The flow of the story is good, but the characters feel really stereotypical." It was then I was asked, "What were you like when you were Arajin's age?" I wasn't good-looking, so I figured if I just directly confessed to a girl I liked I'd be rejected, and so I thought I had to try even harder than other people. I'd give girls poems, and if that didn't work I'd carve the girl's name into a stone and give it to them, and I made it my goal in life to make that girl love me. So I told them I really couldn't be used as a reference for anything. But when I said that, they said "That's so interesting!" I felt like someone like that could never be a main character, or rather, I had ruled it out because I felt like it would be crazy to have a main character who acted like that! Since I was rejected for being so creepy in real life, after all (lol). But the two of them said it was interesting, so Arajin's weird parts became my weird parts and by adding my weird parts into him, it naturally became a comedy. So, rather than trying to write a comedy or making it become a comedy, I just added my own silly parts in order to give the character a personality, and it ended up developing into that because of the character's personality.

So the whole reason Arajin is who he is (someone everyone hates lol....) is because he's based off Kishimoto himself. I don't know what the story was like before but I really can't agree the flow of the story is good now... but yeah.... that's how we ended up here.

[kwilooo]

About me!

hi! I’m kira! I am an artist, poet, history lover, and theatre lover.

i also go by nico and aleksi (NICKNAMES ARE COOL)

(And your local amrev fanatic✨✨)

i use they/them pronouns!!! (he/him and xe/xem are great too!!)

I’m always open to questions, suggestions, or requests for art, so don’t be afraid to stop by.

@your-local-multigender-whore did one of these so now i want to too :))

(minor / 16 april)

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA, PALESTINE WILL BE FREE 🇵🇸

Joined 29 June 2023 :)

Interests:

- art digitally and traditionally, though I’m better traditionally :3

- writing both my own stories and fanfics

- writing poems!!! (see @kira-cant-write-poetry)

- reading

-theatre

- history!!

- the relationship between Hamilton and Laurens

- Washington’s aide-de-camps

- life during the American Revolution

- Marquis de Lafayette

- American Revolution

- a bit of the French Revolution (I’m just getting into it ;) )

- please someone teach my about Francis Kinloch and more about the aides

- fashion during the revolutionary and world wars, but specifically 1940s/50s

- Hamilton

- Helluva Boss

- The Owl House

- SIX the musical

- Beetlejuice the musical

Other info :)

ENFP-T

I love theatre (if that wasn’t obvious)

My first language is English, but I’m learning German, Spanish, and Lithuanian (I understand basic things), and I’m no longer learning French but I do understand the basics :)

I’m Lithuanian 🇱🇹🇱🇹😄

non-binary/genderfluid 💛🤍💜🖤

Bisexual 🩷💜💙 [or pan, but under that umbrella]

Feel free to message or ask me anything (as long as you’re not being creepy, please)

Have a nice day/night!! Love you all <33

(Love all my 80 moot besties :))

DNI: TRANSPHOBES, HOMOPHOBES, RACISTS, TERFS, SEXISTS, AND ANYONE OF THAT KIND.

A note both for myself and anyone else who wants to see it: Hamilton + laurens actual letters

As well as a list of events with Hamilton/Laurens

[pixispracticingwriting]

MILGRAM guys being curious about your notebook

AN: this was requested and honestly? I really find it cute <3 So I had to write it

Pairing: Haruka Sakurai, Fuuta Kajiyama, Shidou Kirisaki, Kazui Mukuhara, Mikoto Kayano; gn! Reader

Warning: just fluff and wholesome stuff!

Haruka Sakurai

This boy.

He was always curious on what was in your notebook, but both out of respect and feeling like he’s not worthy enough to look at it, he never bothered to steal it.

But that didn’t stop him from trying to sneakily peak into it whenever you used it.

And he was awful at being sneaky about it.

Like seriously.

You always caught him staring behind you or seeing him stare at you from a distance.

To you, it was kind of humoring and sweet.

So one day, you simply asked if he wants to see your notebook.

”H-huh?? You would … allow me to see it? Are you sure? I really don’t want to intrude …”

It took a lot to insist him, but in the end he accepted the offer.

The way his eyes sparkled with inspiration as he saw your doodles and sketches. He couldn’t help but admire them.

He was surprised with the amount of detailed sketches of himself. He never thought anyone would care enough about him to even try and bother to draw him.

This is probably where he would start crushing on you, as this boy is so lovestarved.

It took a while for you to get your notebook back though, as he really wanted to keep it. But he eventually gave it back.

After that, he most likely requested Es to get him a notebook too with pen and eraser. And he would join you in drawing whenever he noticed you sketching your notebook.

Fuuta Kajiyama

”What are you even doing with that notebook?”

He never gave you the privacy. Constantly nagging you with questions but you never answered.

He did take notice how you would get embarrassed whenever he asked.

”What? You draw porn or something? Let me see!”

It lead to a lot of teasing with how you would react to his question, which to him it was adorable.

One day though, while you were having your guard down, he managed to steal it from you and quickly ran away with it.

”Now let’s see all the porn art you ma—”

To his surprise, there were a lot of drawings of him.

Now it was his turn to get all flustered.

By the time you caught onto him, he looked like a red tomato.

He politely gave back your notebook, but for his life avoided eye contact with his dear life.

”Y-you know, you could just ask to draw me. No need to be creepy about it.”

From that point on, he kinda just keep glancing at you from a distance whenever you had your notebook, hoping a bit that you might be sketching him again.

Shidou Kirisaki

He knew you always carried your notebook around. Writing, sketching, doodling whenever you could.

And out of respect, he never bothered to peak into it. He respected your privacy.

That was until he ended up finding your notebook by itself, all open.

He was about to close it and return it back to you, until he caught a glimpse of text and doodles.

A poem or two. Maybe even more.

He couldn’t help but read all of them, fascinated by them.

To him, he thought it was beautiful. Even if the poems didn’t sound perfect, he was glad that you had some kind of hobby despite being in the prison.

He ends up writing something in your notebook, before leaving it as it was.

By the time he was already gone, you had run back to get your notebook, hoping that someone hasn’t taken it.

And lucky for you, no one has.

Although you did notice an unfamiliar writing.

”I apologize in beforehand for writing in your notebook without permission, I simply wish you to know your poems are lovely. And if you wish, would you like to share them with me in the future? - Shidou Kirisaki.”

Kazui Mukuhara

Similar to Shidou, he’d out of respect would not sneakily peak into your notebook without permission.

However, he is still curious about what you do in that notebook of yours.

Just like his desires, he’d try his best to supress his curiosity.

But as you might have notice, he’s awful at doing it, as you’d catch him doing expressions when he’s thinking too hard.

So one day, you simply sat next to him as you opened your notebook and started to weite.

It took every part of Kazui not to curiously peak, until you slid the notebook to him, with a pen. He looked down at the page to see a message.

”If you want to look at my notebook, all you have to do was ask <3”

A tint of blush appeared on his cheek as he got easily embarressed. In response he writes back to you.

”Don’t tease me like this :P besides, I didn’t want to intrude.”

”It wouldn’t have hurt to ask x)”

And so the two of you started to have this secret conversation in the notebook, doodling stuff on the side to add into your silly talks.

And the original topic at hand? Well, you both got so invested in your conversation that you simply forgot.

Mikoto Kayano

Mikoto respects your privacy.

His alter tho? Nope.

While Mikoto was fronting, he had accidently found your notebook lying around and immediately recognized it.

So he picked up the book and started his journey to find you within the prison.

But somewhere along the way, they ended up switching, and for all he knew, he had a random notebook in his hands.

So out of curiousity, he started looking through the notebook.

Although he started loosing a tad bit interest as he noticed there were mostly written text or doodles of the other prisoners.

And as he was about to probably rip it and throw a way, he stops as soon as he saw drawings of Mikoto.

There were A LOT.

Some of them were very lovely detailed sketches of him, while some were very silly, drawing him with cat ears or just simply wrote ”scrunkly” while pointing at a doodle of him.

The alter couldn’t help but snort and finding this whole thing hilarious. As well as putting the dots together that you might have a thing for Mikoto.

With this newfound information, he decided to switch back with Mikoto in front.

It was a mental trip for Mikoto as he grounds himself, not exactly sure what had happened.

As soon as he fully came back, he then happened to see all the sketches of himself in the notebook.

A pink blush appeared on his cheeks, seeing all the cute sketches of him. But also he remembered this was your notebook so he QUICKLY closed it and ran to find you.

As he finally find you, he was completely red in the face as he hands over your notebook.

”I’m really sorry for looking!! I swear, I didn’t mean to! Although I really wanna say I love your sketches but again I’m SUPER sorry please please PLEASE forgive me!!”

You tried to calm him down, which did help thank god.

But you couldn’t help but blush as you realized he’s seen your sketches of him.

[elldritch-horror]

13 books

I was tagged by @nikita-not-nikola, and I'm always here to talk books!

1) The last book I read:

Mister Magic by Kiersten White. A fun one! Especially for my religious trauma peeps. Read it for the book club on a horror podcast I listen to, Scaredy Boys, and since I'm a cowardly custard (hence experiencing horror films through the medium of listening to other people talk about them) I was delighted to find this one wasn't too spooky

2) A book I recommend:

Space Opera by Catherynne Valente. Imagine eurovision in space written by a very queer Douglas Adams. What more could anyone want?!

3) A book that I couldn’t put down:

Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir. I enjoyed Gideon the Ninth, but Harrow fully ate my brain. It hit at the perfect mid-lockdown crazies and I read it three times the week it came out.

4) A book I’ve read twice (or more):

It would be boring to say Harrow the Ninth again, so let's go with Sunshine by Robin McKinley. Such a sweet spot of both creepy vampires and spectacular desserts, nothing else hits quite the same, so I've read it loads of times.

5) A book on my TBR:

Bunny by Mona Awad. It was a gift from a friend last Yule, but life has not stopped since then, so I haven't gotten to it yet.

6) A book I’ve put down:

The Labyrinth Index by Charles Stross. I liked the rest of the series, but I was in an audio book place when this one came out, and simply couldn't bear the narrator's voice (no hate, I'm sure she's a great narrator, it just wasn't for me) and I haven't gone back to it

7) A book on my wish list:

Gender/Fucking by Florence Ashley. I don't read non-fiction often, but this looks really interesting

8) A favorite book from childhood:

Wild Magic by Tamora Pierce. Well, all of her books are favourites, but I'm picking this because it's the first one of hers I read, and I was a big animal kid.

9) A book you would give to a friend:

Massively depends on the friend! But I'd say Palimpsest by Catherynne Valente is the one I've bought most copies of to lend/give away. It's so fundamentally a part of me, and I love sharing that little slice of my soul.

10) A book of poetry or lyrics that you own

I'm not sure I have a book of just poetry or lyrics, but I have the complete works of Oscar Wilde, which includes his poems.

11) A nonfiction book you own:

Revolting Prostitutes: the fight for sex workers' rights, by Juno Mac and Molly Smith. Highly recommend! A really insightful look at the issues faced by sex workers and how to change things.

12) What are you currently reading:

System Collapse by Martha Wells - I do love Murderbot!

13) What are you planning on reading next?

What Feasts at Night by T. Kingfisher. I really liked the first I'm the series, so I'm excited for this one

I'm terrible at tagging people, but if you're seeing this post on your dash then it's safe to assume I'm interested in your answers, so consider yourself tagged if you'd like to be

[bemtevis]

Istg at this point I'm just going to rewrite tlh out of spite for how awful cc treated them

James all of the sudden is this asshole who we barely ever seen reading AND WHERE DID HIS CUTE GLASSES GO😭😭

Christopher gets like zero acknowledgment even tho at the academy Thomas and Matthew were constantly backing him up(and sure we see this in chot but after ignoring him for two books and then killing him with zero grief :/)

Matthew...I actually don't have an issue with Matthew BECAUSE WE NEVER SEE HIS POINT OF VIEW, and I also feel his character might be the most realistic to the situation aside from Alastair and Grace

Thomas...she literally gave all his creativity to James. He writes poems and songs?? Where did that go?? We also never see him read or spend any actual page time with his family for more than a passing sentence

Jesse was fine ig until that scene with Grace...it's giving the Matthew and Alastair scene at the end of choi

Ari felt in character but I wish we could have seen more of her growth that wasn't just coming out and moving out

Anna is probably the one I'm the most upset about though because like, she was so nice in her original short story. And now she's just this straight up bitch who takes women's virginity for fun? CECILY AND GABRIEL'S DAUGHTER? I think fucking not.

And I hate that everyone moved past how creepy Charles dating Alastair and Ari was like, dude was a whole ass ADULT with a JOB preying on barely 16 year olds(we all know he waited for Alastair to turn 16 for consent laws😒)

And also why are all of the tid parents not present in their kids lives??? Tid and gotsm will, tessa, gabriel, cecily, sophie, and gideon would NEVER. And about the fairchild twins, I fucking hate that she did that. They already fucked matthew up by forcing him to either raise himself in order to take care of his dad or was babysat by the herondales, and he's probably going to be forced to take care of the twins too(yet another math/alas parallel)

Sorry for the rant I just have so many angry feelings about cc as a fellow author rn, like how fo you fuck up your own characters THAT badly-

oh pls do, I'm sure whatever you come up with will be better than canon

I mean he was kind of an asshole beforehand but I figured it was because of the gracelet and all, but his behavior barely changed after it was off! it was so pointless

JUSTICE FOR CHRISTOPHER! he was done so dirty! cc tells us the merry thieves love each other like brothers but then one of them dies and they barely grieve! show not tell, it's one of the first things you should learn as a writer

while I'm sure I would've glazed over most of them, I'm sure having matthew's pov would add a lot to the story. instead, his development is seen only through other people's povs and it falls flat, imo.

something I noticed while reading was that if it was one of thomas' povs, it would be about thomastair. I don't recall any instance in which it isn't. there was the night at matthew's flat, but that ended up being thomastair as well. we barely see him interact with his friends or family or hear about his interests and dreams! cc had something great with him and she threw it away, and for WHAT!

Idk why cc bothered to write james and jesse and everyone being so mad at grace, only for there to be only a few paragraphs in the epilogue about her forgiveness. it was such a cop out, tbh.

same as with thomas, all of ari's povs were about her love interest, except for the first one maybe. look, I know there is a huge cast of characters and it's hard to balance it all out, but cc's books are so filled with amatonormativity that it's hard not to see the pattern.

the thing with anna is that in chot, she feels more like what she should've been. same with matthew imo. they're flawed characters, yes, and don't always make the best decisions, but they're closer to what the narrative wanted me to believe from the start. I loved eet anna, but chog came and ruined her! then cc tried to retcon it, Ig, and it was such an abrupt change that it felt off putting!

yeah yeah absolutely! I've said this before, but the problem with charles wasn't that he was closeted! it was his weird predatory behavior, and that was completely unaddressed. he, like anna and matthew and grace, had his arc rushed so the consequences of cc's writing couldn't catch up with her, but WE READ THE BOOKS! we know he's fucking creepy!

tbh if you told me all of the parents were trapped in a bubble for most of this trilogy, I would believe you. they were not present at all. gideon and gabriel lost their kids to their own sister, and they don't even process it. same with sophie and cecily. it's like they don't even exist.

dw about it! sorry for the equally long, if not longer, rant lol. completely agree; cc's great at creating great concepts then not knowing how to execute them at all. it's so sad

[nancypullen]

Thursday Night

The mister has gone out to take some night photos of possibly creepy places, so I’m at home watching Dateline.  I made big salads for dinner and then we ate coconut ice cream bars. Those two sentences sum up our Thursday night.  This is retirement, folks.  I actually spent a good fifteen minutes watching the sprinkler today.  A couple of weeks ago we raked up the three inch layer of small landscape rocks that the previous owners used for their fire pit.  It was right off of the patio, they hadn’t used any sort of weed cloth or barrier, and it was an awful, messy, weedy spot.  Once we got the rocks up, Mickey spread some dirt and grass seed and now we’re babying that little patch to make sure the grass grows.  That’s why I spent fifteen minutes watching the sprinkler today - that actually sounds better than I was watching grass grow. I’ve been foofing up my little spot on the porch.  It’s quickly becoming my favorite hangout.  It’s shaded, hidden from the street, and has views of all the gardens.  I found a cheap metal table that was sort of an ugly putty color, and painted it white and red.

I slapped a placemat on it and then added a little pot of lobelia.  

Presto change-o!

You know how much I love red gingham. If I can squeeze it in anywhere, I will. So I did.

That wreath may need a birdie on it or something.  I need a second pillow too.  Maybe a pale green with roses? 

Eh, maybe not.  I’ll dig around and see what I’ve got and go from there. Probably should have used red flowers in that pot, but lobelia is what I had. This is all subject to change but it’s a nice space for now. I love sitting out here in the morning, listening to the birds and contemplating the day. What’s that poem about birds singing despite the world being a wreck?  I can’t think of it, but I appreciate their songs in a world gone mad. We thought about driving over to Rehobeth Beach this week, it’s only about 45 minutes away and there’s a mile-long boardwalk where we could have lunch and check things out.  The days got away from us and tomorrow is supposed to be rainy, maybe next week.  We did snag tickets to see/hear David Sedaris at the BrowseAbout Bookstore there at the end of May.  That’ll be fun.  He’s always entertaining.   Aside from watching grass grow and painting anything that doesn’t run away from me, It’s just been cooking and cleaning. We did run a couple of errands earlier this week and made a pit stop at  the Ridgely Pharmacy lunch counter for a sandwich.  They have the best chicken salad in three counties. I finally worked my way through the delicious crabs our neighbor brought over.  I used the last bit for breakfast.  A toasted sandwich thin, a mound of crab, a little gouda and a generous sprinkle of Old Bay made my mouth very happy.

I don’t normally eat breakfast, but I’ll make an exception for crab.

I’m itching to get into my craft room and do something creative.  I’m overdue.  I’m hoping that tomorrow’s rain will give me the time at my desk that I’m craving.  I haven’t touched clay or even paper for over a month.  I get cranky when I don’t have that time. Mickey moved my cabinet into place for me and I put my Cricut on top which frees up loads more work space for me.  I mostly use the Cricut to cut out my dead people, and I need to commune with them soon.

It’s a perfect fit for the space and the storage is wonderful.   It’s calling to me. Pray for rain so I can play inside.

This blog post is a discombobulated bunch of nonsense.  No one wants to read this boring stuff.  I started this little corner of the web back in 2007.   Can you believe it?  It used to be a hoot.  I had great material - kids, animals, my job in the school system. My stint with Clinique was blog-worthy too. The many, many years where I was on my own while the mister traveled every week - I got up to all sorts of hijinks that were worth writing about on Tumblr.  Now we’re just a couple of old fogies who think it’s a big deal to stop for a chicken salad sandwich. Help.  I’m five months from turning 60 and I want my life to be funny again.  I’m staying busy making this house our own, but if I buy much more spray paint I’m sure I’ll be on some sort of DEA watchlist.  If we’d moved somewhere that I could go to water aerobics or craft fairs, I’d have made friends by now and had some adventures.  We’re almost at the one year anniversary of our move here and I’m still counting my once-a-week grocery haul as an outing. Help.  I have no girlfriends to talk to (I just offended the cats by saying that), no one to meet for lunch.  Where are the fun ladies of Denton?  There’s no jazzercise or Zumba classes, where am I supposed to meet my people?  The nicest person (and the most fun person) I’ve met so far is the program director for the Caroline County Arts Council.  She’s an absolute delight.  But she’s also very young and is busy with a young person’s life. I’m looking for someone with some mileage who knows how to talk about perennials and peri-menopause. Who am I kidding? Full blown menopause, I just liked the alliteration with perennials. So there you have it, I’m home alone and watching Dateline, missing my sweet friends, and thinking that I’d better go take a bubble bath and lose myself in a good book.  Tomorrow I hope I wake up to rain and spend my day creating some silliness.  Maybe even something worth sharing here! Until then, stay safe, stay well, and take good care. XOXO,

Nancy

[subtile-jagden]

Stefan George Part 1

I also recently finished this Stefan George biography. This post isn't so much a book review as an introduction to this insane man (I mean this in both a good and a bad way). It will be 2 or 3 parts as there is A LOT to say about him. This post is for fun and more about Georges private life than his works. He was a great poet though, you should check him out.

Stefan George (1868 - 1933) was a German poet and borderline cult leader. He had a very high opinion of himself (maybe justified?) and basically thought while he was still a teenager that current poetry is shit and he can do better. He spent all his time writing poems and plays and tried to get others to read them. He made connections in France and while some people there in a small circle of artists liked his work he stayed relatively unknown. This didn't stop him from claiming he is a sought out poet in France upon his return to Germany. He went around publishers and tried to get them to print his poems. After that failed he published them himself. Selling like 2 books total. You can say many things about George but the boy was dedicated and never stopped working to achieve his dreams.

He moved to Vienna for a time in his early 20s where he met the then 17-year-old Hugo von Hofmannsthal in a cafè. Hofmannsthal was a very popular playwrite later in his career, during his first encounter with George he was still a student who wrote a bit for fun. George, who by all accounts was at least bisexual more likely homosexual, fell in love. But he was kind of a creepy fellow, practically stalking young Hugo and let me tell you, while Hofmannsthal admired George and his talent, he did not reciprocate. Things escalated when George made unwanted advanced on Hofmannsthal who told his father who then told George to leave his son in peace. George and Hofmannsthal would keep contact for decades after this failed courting, with Hofmannsthal writing poems and articles for Georges publications but there was always a certain tension between them.

Hofmannsthal was the first of a long list of young men that George took a liking to. He strived to be a role model and wanted to inspire a generation of youth. In practice he did what the kids nowadays call grooming. He pursued young boys and wanted to mould them to an adult of his liking. He was basically the stranger danger we were warned about as kids. He would just speak to boys he liked on the street, follow them to find out where they live and where they go to school and would then convince their parents that he would be a fantastic mentor. He the great poet and thinker! He was very charismatic and soon had a harem of boys/men around him who worshipped him.

While living in Munich he entertained the "George-Kreis" and was also closely connected to the "Kosmiker". Notable members: Karl Wolfskehl, Ludwig Klages, Alfred Schuler. A group of free spirits with very interesting ideas that warrant its own post.

In Munich he met Maximilian Kronberger, a boy of 14 who George thought is a prophet. Kronberger was an aspiring poet himself and felt honoured that George is interested in him. When Kronberger died unexpectedly George and his circle elevated him to a god-like level, creating the "Maximin-Myth". Basically a bunch of by then grown up men worshipped a dead 16 year old.

That's all for now but Part 2 will come soon. So stay tuned for Georges wacky adventures.

[breakingbobcat]

dream diary

i hesitate to share any of this, but it needs to be recorded. careless queen. is it careless when you choose to do it anyway? throw caution and then throw hands. i am aries after all.

no one gets me like aries men.

today felt like a day of being invaded by watcher(s). makes me wonder. obvs. how's a nigga gonna tell me "magical thinking" when he's the one who taught me how? lmao. i let him get away with so much shit back in the day, but what about now? am i being stupid again? should i vanish?

my first thought was chris. there's no way to be sure. could just as easily be another person. or no one, just me and my Id.

INTENSE dreams. i resisted sleep as long as i possibly could after christmas eve's fitful, restless night. was truly dragged out dog shit yesterday. kept up a brave face.

what i recall are these:

on the streets. a female after me. seemed blonde but butchy, not a femme fatale but ...creepy vibe. chick with a dick and we fucked multiple times while in motion. i wasn't sure why i was into it. didn't feel right. i was not happy inside either.

had another? with phil. i was sobbing and asking why he left me. he was saying how bad he'd wanted me and didn't really explain anything. i wanted to die to be with him. woke up to pee and it definitely felt like one of the many MASQUE dreams. it was not Phil, of that i'm convinced.

in the last dream, whilst it was dark this early eve, i was fast flying. chris was fucking me with ryan's dick and i was coming and coming the way i did with ryan...which is nothing like an orgasm i can give myself. also, i never orgasm in dreams. get close but no cigar. not so this eve. i was entirely into it and he was into me. had the atmosphere of when queen of the damned and lestat have their drinking ceremony (in the film -- not like the book -- minus the shitty music). soul sharing. then,

the storm came. and the floods. i had these telescoping tripod legs and was pushing my way along the highway, flying high and fast, but still...controlling vehicles somehow? it was odd. i had to repel in a sense off the magnetism of the land. had to stay in motion or sink into the waves and traffic.

sounds like a chris problem...in a common dream setting.

it was probably him.

ryan always gives up on anything he wants.

and neither of them can give me the stability i need to thrive. it's very tragic because they love me and i love them. ryan has probably moved on though. chris probably will too.

i need to focus on me, getting my shit together, for real. i have no idea what happens now. not sure i want to know either.

i need to keep my wits about me, in the present.

it was so good though, for a minute. there's nothing like making love in the imagination. there's nothing like love, via imagination. i was telling him that today, after i woke up from the dream about phil.

don't masque, i said. what phil and i shared, and what bobbie and i shared, was not really about the physical, even if it spilled over onto that emotionally. there was no physical relationship. it was the ecstacy of ...

there's no name for it that i'm aware of. no satisfactory description. that's why i liked the genie movie with tilda so much. it was about that kind of love...which she felt for the djinn.

i think, i suspect...what women want most is to be seen, recognized. it's not the same as what men want...whatever that is.

or maybe it's a me-thing. a prima donna thing? aries. i dunno. it seems to be important to me. to be seen through, rather than "as." chris should be the one who gets it, with his eye/whole sight ideal in the background.

there's a lot of things i never should have had to explain to him, according to the poems of his i've read. i thought that meant he and i would have an easy time of creating harmony. it's been anything but.

ryan and i were more harmonious, when we were able to come out of our respective holes.

i've had...so many soulish-mates in my lifetime. close ones, or something. the language is insufficient. or my knowledge is. maybe twin flames are almost impossible to become mates with? given that they are meant to teach us, and we had so much to learn, so much to overcome?

i wanted to understand the secrets of harmony before i died. or, i do. i dunno. i don't know what i want in the future. i only know what i want now: to get strong.

[scentedchildnacho]

Being told to just get out of shelter by these creepy huge children that can't do anything maturate like actually be in a network to have been helping plan my next location coincided last night with some type of machine noise that pushes and trembles the wall behind my head and I had such a splitting headache like the threat came from serial killers who ice pick their victims through the skull that I started becoming really suicidal

You know like the blips white people get in repetitious command characters in their head black Catholics would know the whole jump rope riddle or poem to but instead this ear worm keeps repeating in ones head don't hang your hands or arms off the bed their the types of hackers known in Africa for amputating their victims

I think they just don't know why people need love

So they invade appearances that should be an ally........with very rejecting neo classic frigid mothers

The sal army review called the path staff those people who follow city employed in and grab a lot of stuff off the homeless locked in their locker room

My pharmacology teacher told me they have a whole theory that our locker room lock in can be called a church synagogue of genital mutilation....

Gloria Steinem genital mutilation crops up in sects and diverse religions all around the world as a permanent mob to take advantage off of socialist advantage off of these days

There is no capitalist positivity or competition or inspiration here anymore

Its just that those socialist know how to maximize their fascist time....these people's have become known as so belligerently negligence always puts them ahead and they can't remember what they do

So nothing consumed is of any value anymore it's all considered stolen property due to the unrecognized census of a large not minority population of poverty

My space medicine class told me about pilots the most cruel and absurd moments like satellite brain scans of where my brain became disabled and the suicidal ideation start last night is the most valuable and pilots for being no more then an object were sometimes a wealthy counter culture fame

That class will tell me to sue masculine totems for complete gender equity study

So I guess I have to believe that salon lady these homeless people who call themselves path staff come in here and threaten to burn us up in here if their hostage demands aren't met

Its just happenings

They wanted to violate the jay treaty so nuclear research from Britain was brought here to apologize for low resilientcy to head light laser shooting

Now the small arts buildings have London new ideas in energy and you can spend a polite time shopping for a secret and it's a lift that stops making traffick hurt so bad

There are buildings with signs that read violations there do get arrested and prosecuted so you don't have to tolerate any stalker that continues to try to legitimate a law as about a sociology like religious words like trespassing which isn't even tangential it just doesn't connect at all and is pure liquor is water

My space medicine class is educated in Russian though and that's them the energy violates Nunavut treatys it's the inuit that could suffer them most viruses and toxins in breast milk

I have enough lasers from junk heaps around to see if I spontaneously burn like a tibetan monk and cosmic love he always leaves that inuit woman in the dark up in the Arctic always in the dark

The cars that would be interstate 8 maybe through Miami it goes right through a scrap heap and if that creepy gas cost didn't build an apartment building for poverty they will eventually pile all those nasty alien white light criminal jerk cars up to be the size of an apartment building if it's kill them for land their land becomes smashed rusted metal

So thats Russians to me really really sue male fascist privilege for claiming it's nothing study is multi millions and mine poverty or if they have stuff they don't care about breasts and I do

They are creepy fascist jerk criminals that kill wait staff prostitutes that tell them they can't come in if their being a jerk so they can steal some poor guys sad french absinthe sit

And I do get concerned about breasts and the strength of the nation so

[dustedmagazine]

DJ Female Convict Scorpion — Paradise Re-Lost (Self-released)

The Christian poetry of John Milton and the idiosyncratic turntablism of Josh Pollock, better known as DJ Female Convict Scorpion, are not an intuitive match. That’s an important thing to note, given the deeply strange quality of Pollock’s music, in which intuition seems crucial. Some of us first encountered DJ Female Convict Scorpion releases as unlabeled CDrs circulating in the mails (especially the several volumes of Clash Ups, from Pollock’s “Anti-Social Remix” series) and were fascinated. It takes Pollock’s particular variety of intuition to suspect that isolating Jowe Head’s gonzo vocal from the Swell Maps’ “Full Moon in My Pocket” would sound both disturbing and great if you soak it in reverb and let it play; or that the interminable drum solo of Led Zep’s “Moby Dick” would become completely transfixing if you laid a scrim of tortured theremin over it. It isn’t paradise, exactly, but you don’t feel any desire to leave.

Leaving, return and loss are crucial themes in Milton’s Protestant poem in blank verse. Many children of the 1980s (hello) did the forced march through Paradise Lost (1667), the more famous part of Milton’s epic — and some of us ended up being very glad that we did. Few literary treatments of Christian myth get anywhere close to the majesty of Milton’s language, and the verse’s strange interplay of a rough-hewn austerity and a begrudging engagement with poetry’s eros ends up being particularly useful for understanding American puritanisms, old and new. You can try to keep that libidinal power repressed and submerged, but it always returns. There’s a reason why Satan is the most interesting thing in Paradise Lost.

Of course, Milton attempted to correct for that interest. Paradise Regained (1671) focuses on the story of the Christ and the establishment of the new covenant with humanity forged by his sacrifice, if you believe that sort of thing. Many of us do not. The narrative is flat, and the mythic scale that thrills in Paradise Lost is — well, lost. Pollock’s Paradise Re-Lost riffs on the dynamic of delight and its loss with a score for a ballet by Nostus Tanztheater, based in Heidelberg. N.B., dear reader, the dance company really exists, but this reviewer was able to find no evidence of the ballet, nor did Milton ever write Paradise Re-Lost, a “third part” of his Christian epic, which Pollock credits as source material. It may be that, in a Satanic gesture of his own, Pollock’s impulse to fuck around with culture has reached a new intensity of pranksome mischief.

You may hear traces of mischievous fun in some of the titles of tracks on Paradise Re-Lost: “Eden Disorder,” “Mephisto Birkenstock” and so on. But the music is mostly more serious. Massive, creepy churchbells toll, sounding as if captured on some degraded cassette tape, at the record’s outset. Soon, the inimitable Nina Simone emerges from the moody morass of a DJ Female Convict Scorpion soundscape: some tense brass, a mournfully lovely flute, more theremin — one imagines the streets of Bedlam set-dressed in late-1940s Frisco noir. And Simone is doing her thing on George Harrison’s “My Sweet Lord” (you can find the full, joyous and outraged performance on her record Emergency Ward, most of which was recorded at a 1971 live gig at Fort Dix, and it’s insanely good…): “I really want to see you, lord / But I’m afraid it’s too late.” Nobody could express indignant sorrow like Simone. Milton gets close.

In much of DJ Female Convict Scorpion’s music, mood is more important than thematic coherence, and the mood of Paradise Re-Lost is downcast and anxious. There are lots of horns that sound drawn from late-1960s free jazz, a lot of haunted piano, pealing chimes and taut acoustic guitar tangles. Tension builds and builds and goes nowhere. One is tempted to read that as a gesture toward critique of Christian morality, which poses the next world as the ultimate truth, as if our actions on this material plane are secondary, less real. Given just how shitty this world has become, it’s a tempting proposition to give in to. But some of us still believe (or at least want to believe) in material experience and in the value of good works in the here and now, for their own sake. Lots of luck with that.

In spite of loss, some things seem to endure. Pollock reaches deep into our collective cultural imaginary at the close of Paradise Re-Lost, situating the vocal of Anne Briggs’ version of the sea shanty “Lowlands Away” in a glistening, slick mid-1970s soft-rock arrangement. It’s hard to tell what the gesture signifies. The shanty is lovely but sad to its core. The musical accompaniment feels like a warm bath, which sweetens the sadness rather than negating it. In our current period of interregnum, awaiting fascism and its savaging of the bare vestiges of the liberal administrative state, there is a fragile sense of sweetness to this time: holidays and their invocations of relative constants. But atop the treacly surfaces, we know that these bright, clear autumnal skies, with their gem-hard blue, will soon fill with something different. The strains of “Hail to the Chief,” the smell of smoke and something worse than Satan.

Jonathan Shaw

[skychive29]

March 29, 2024

Hi! I'm back to blogging. It's been a long time since I created one. I remember being active online with all my writing and art sesh during my college days. But things changed once I started working. I got a big smack of reality, thus giving less time to writing. My skills are getting rusty as well. It was pretty harsh I say. But after the pandemic, I realized a lot of things and I'm coming back from a deep loop of darkness. I am happy with the new me these days though I struggle still in a lot of things.

I created this blog to document everything I think of and everything that I love starting today. It can be a memory from the past or the current things that make me happy. I choose blogging because I think I have more freedom here than posting in instragram or creating a vlog which I need to edit bunch of clips always. I'm a lazy rat. Unlike in typing, I can do this easily with my laptop or phone. The format will be very free as well. As a person, I don't conform much to certain uniformity. But I hope this platform will be a way for my loved ones to remember me someday or myself to read what I write here and criticize myself (haha). Anyway, I want to start with reposting one of the most memorable and most important poems I created when I was still in college. This poem is for my father who sadly passed away tragically. He is always my greatest inspiration.

Sleepless Death

As I hear the gentle sound of somber air Creepy surprise and pale replies touch my heart Full of soulless whisper filled the corner With gloomy sadness behind my teary eyes

He was there straightly lying in the sordid tiles With a block of dirty wood behind his purple nape And as I look his blank smiling face I see nothing but a dark silent melancholy

If only I could tick the clock from twelve to one Maybe I could hear his very last loving wish Maybe I could hear his last crying laugh Dying fatherly word to his precious princesses

But past cannot stand for today And today cannot stand for the past Destiny moves the flow of life We should learn to accept if one will die

Cause the only thing an anguish blue heart can do Is to solemnly pray for the soulful truth…

That's all, I hope I can also share some life pictures, art, and song covers someday too. But for now, I'm lazy XD

Ciao~잘자 굿밤!