#i love rocky horror w all my heart n soul

[qualitytothetea]

queer joy is watching ur friends experience rocky horror w u <33

[ravens-rambling]

Love Like You

A/N: I have read tons of touch starved Virgil fics but not a whole lot of touch starved Deceit and that's a shame! Come on people! If there is any side that’s touch starved it would be the snakey boi!! My son needs some love!!! 

This is my first time writing Deceit so his personality is properly off sorry about that! 

summary: When Deceit isn’t sure if he could fit into this ‘family’ cause of how freakish he looks he takes matters into his own hands, luckily a certain dad side is there to calm those thoughts and to assure to the lying side that sure it might be rocky and tough at first. But Ohana means family right? 

WC: 5,183

ships: Romantic LAMP, mentions of romantic DLAMP, platonic Moceit 

warnings: Self-harm, panic attack, sensory overload, self-deprecating thoughts

Tag List: @punsterterry  @frostedlover @070222 @witch197

Deceit has noticed something.

Ever since the others have..accepted him he guessed he could say, they have become more comfortable around him. And in turn, he has observed them.

The way they are around each other was..strange.

They seemed so relaxed around each other. It almost seemed like they will trust each other with their lives. Why would they do that though? Isn't that risky? What if one of them betrays them? Doesn't that thought concern them? How can they be so relaxed, so trustworthy around each other?

Every time he sees them all together it baffles him time and time again.

Often he finds himself awake at night staring at his ceiling pondering the others actions. Trying to understand them and their ways.

And time and time again he just..couldn't.

He often thought there was something wrong with him. Since Virgil trusted them enough to even share his name with them. In such a short time he trusted them with everything he is. Surely he should be the same right?

But it's been months and even the thought of sharing his name with them sent shivers down his spine. Names held power after all. He just..couldn't trust them enough to have that much power over him.

But that sent a certain dread to his very soul.

Maybe if enough time passes by they will get tired of him? Maybe if he doesn't trust them enough soon that they will see he is a lost, broken, cause and start hating him again? Or worse maybe they will see how much he's broken on the inside, how much of a freak and monster he really is.

He already was a freak on the outside for Christ sake.

He's the only one with snake scales on his face. He's the only one with a snake tongue. He's the only one that hisses like a snake. He's the only one that needs the room warm or he could die.

Sure Virgil hisses like a cat.

Sure when Roman is upset he growls almost like a lion.

But that's it. And that doesn't scare the others. Rather they thought it was cute in a way. But his...imoralities? It scared the others at first.

He remembered when he first hissed. Roman had teased him about his scales, yet again, and it got to him. It made him angry and it hurt him inside. Despite his nagging fearful thoughts he turned around and hissed at the creative side, exposing his snake-like tongue and his fangs in the process. Roman had jumped back properly thinking he was going to bite him and his fearful gaze only proved that thought.

The other sides whipped around when they heard that girly scream. Virgil has already seen that scaly side of him so he wasn't fazed. Patton at first seemed a bit scared but within a few seconds, that fear turned to amazement and childlike wonder. Logan seemed..curious is the only way he could describe it.

But once he looked back to Roman his eyes were still wide and to Deceits horror, his hands went to his sword on his side and unsheathed it. He looked about ready to cut off his tongue and fangs.

It took quite a while for the other sides to calm him down before he apologized saying that he has dealt with loads of evil snake people in his realm so it was just instinct.

He tried to play it off like he didn't care then but really it hurt. Is that all that snakes are? Evil to others?

Maybe Patton was just trying to be nice when his eyes sparkled like stars at seeing that side of him.

Maybe Roman was right to be fearful of him.

Maybe Logan was looking for research to get rid of him or if he ever did lash out he knew how to stop him.

Maybe... Virgil has been lying on wanting to be his friend again.

Maybe they all were lying.

Sure he can detect lies but..maybe they were hiding their lies so good that he couldn't pick it up? After all, why would anybody want lies right? Lying is never good. Maybe if he looked like the others it would be easier for them to accept him? Maybe then they don't have to lie to him. Maybe then he really could be apart of their family. He won't have to be evil anymore.

So that was what he was doing.

It was rather late in the afternoon, he couldn't seem to face the others today so he hid in his room the entire day. He was starving but just the thought of seeing their unsure glances behind his back...he couldn't take it today.

That's when the thought occurred to him.

Taking a pair of scissors that he used to cut his hair he one by one tried to peel off his scales.

But as he tried to peel off the first one he noticed how deep it was into his skin. With a frustrated sigh, he realized this might be harder than he originally thought.

As time passed he finally managed to peel off one scale, it bouncing in the sink. Though he winkled his nose as the scent of blood engulfed the bathroom. As he noticed how much blood was coming from his now peeled off skin.

But none of that mattered.

He hated this part of himself. He hated how different he was. This was worth it.

Though as he managed to peel off the third scale his hands started to shake. His vision became blurry on the edges and he had to lean on the counter to study himself. He was properly losing a lot of blood. But he didn't care.

His breath became shaky as he raised the blades once again. Just as soon as it was about to touch his swollen skin, however, a rather loud bang exploded through his room causing him to jump out of his skin.

He somehow managed not to make a noise as the sound of Virgil echoed to his ears, "Hey Dee, Patton's getting worried about you. Dinners almost ready and he wants you there... So um..come if you don't want Pat up your ass...or whatever."

With surprisingly study voice he replied, "Yeah sure V. I won't be down there in an m-moment."

Curses.

There was silence from the door then a flutter of footsteps. Shit.

Before he could think of an excuse there was another flutter of footsteps, these much lighter but with a certain rush to them.

Then a voice, "Hey kiddo? Virgil said he could sense something was wrong. Are you okay? Can I come in?"

No. Nononono. Anything but that. He'll see what he's doing. He'll try to deny his thoughts. He'll lie to his face even more. No. He can't have that.

"Yes, Pat I'm fine. Something to worry about. It's just V being V I'm fine." Even his voice sounded fake to him.

His hands began to shake more as soon as he spoke so badly that the blades slipped from his hand and bounced in the sink making a thud noise. Winching at that he glanced back to the door maybe hoping that Patton didn't hear it.

"Dee? I'm coming in. It doesn't sound like your fine."

Shit. Shit. Shit. Before he could even think of a backup plan the doorknob was turning. Patton peeked his head in and Deceit's breath was stuck in his throat as he saw the other's eyes land on his bloodied face. The pure worry and concern were spread throughout his face as he quickly came to his side.

Tears were already down his cheeks as he slowly raised his hands but drew away before he could touch him knowing that he was sensitive towards touch. Though the pain in Patton's gaze made him believe that he wanted to hug him.

"D-Dee... W-What..ha-happened?"

Deceit looked away unable to look at that face any longer and grabbed Patton's wrists lightly, even that single touch sent sparks throughout him making this all the harder. He hasn't shed a tear..yet. He was strangely..calm even though his heart was beating fast.

"I.. I thought..if I got rid of my scales... The side of me that none of you like..you..you guys would..like me more..it'll be easier for you to..accept me..."

Well, it was out. There was no way he could bullshit around this he knew.

As he for once told the truth a blistering pain erupted on along his scaly side of his face. It was more pain than before causing him to whine out and shut his eyes waiting for it to be over.

Patton let out a sob as he spoke and let out a whine shaking his head, "Dee... N-No..honey... Why did you tell the truth? I.."

He sucked in a breath before drawing his hands away and bringing up a hand to cup his one none bloodied cheek, slowly and gently he turned his face so Deceit could face him. At that touch, his breath got stuck in his throat again. The look on Patton's face made his breath stutter more.

"Honey..we love you for who you are. We love every bit of you okay? Don't ever think we don't. Please...don't get rid of any part of you... I.. I know that we might not show it enough... That us accepting you haven't been..the greatest or enjoyable thing ever. But we are learning. You are learning. And that's alright. When we accepted Virgil it was rocky at first too. But we learned to accept each other. As we will do with you alright? Please..don't do this again.. I love you kiddo."

That sent a blow to his gut. To his very soul. It finally made him crack enough to cry. Tears were leaking down his cheeks, merging with the blood on his one cheek, it was like a dam now.

With a gasping voice, he shook his head, "B-But... I-I'm nothing..like you.." A gasp for air, "I'm so different..so monstrous... How..how could you like me?... H-How... I-I've hurt everyone..of you... How could... H-How could you even..think to like.." Another gasp, "To love..something like..m-me. I'm a snake... I-I'm lies... I-I'm the villian..nobody...likes liars..nob-nobody likes..snakes... I..."

There was a sudden spark in Patton's eyes as he continued to cry, as he spoke. And yet again a flare of pain came from his cheek making him cry even more.

Through the pain, he heard Patton speak again his voice also coming in gasps alike, "Sweetie no... Lies can be good. You are good. You protect Thomas..you protect us. You are not a monster alright? You didn't know the right from wrong in the past. But that's okay cause now you know. Now you know what you did was wrong. And that's alright okay? Again..your learning and that's okay. You are not the villain anymore. Now your apart of this family. And we love you so much kiddo. It's going to be okay I promise you."

He knew he wasn't lying. The back of his mind screamed at him that he was telling the truth. He couldn't detect any lies. But...

How could this be the truth?

He didn't even know what to say back his mind was in pure disbelief. He didn't know what to do.

Patton cried along with him before his cries had stopped. That hand was still on his cheek as he gasped for air. Finally, though that hand went away and before he could stop himself Deceit let out a whine. Despite himself that one hand, that one touch, was grounding. It made him feel real. That this was real despite it sending sparks to his soul.

Instead, as he looked back at Patton his arms were outstretched.

What..what was he doing? Wait...

Patton had a small smile on his face, "Kiddo... Can I hug you?"

He..wanted to hug him? He's seen Patton hug the others, especially Roman, but he always shivered away from them. They seemed so..weird, so exposed... He couldn't quite fathom how.

But anything was better than this cold dread that seeped to his bones at the disappearance of his hand. He needed that grounding touch. Is... Is this how he was going to get it? Is this the only way?

His eyes were wide, untrusting for a few moments, his body tense as he gave a small nod.

Patton smiled more brightly before slowly coming up to him and wrapping his arms around him and...

Oh god...

His body became even tenser. He could feel his muscles screaming to get away from the hot touch. He could feel his mind screaming. His breath became louder gaps as his entire body shook in Patton's arms.

He must have felt this as that sudden bursting hotness was gone just like that leaving him with a cold stone in his chest. In his soul. When did that stone appear? Why is he feeling so cold?

Shivering he wrapped his arms around himself as he looked back to Patton.

He looked..heartbroken he guessed is the only way to describe it.

Another gasp of air and then, "Dee... Have.. Have you ever been hugged before?"

A few heartbeats of silence, a few gasps of breaths, and a shake of a head. Then a loud intake of breath and a cry then a whine that wasn't his. He couldn't even focus anymore. That cold was suffocating him. That cold stone was overtaking his body. He couldn't stand it anymore. He wanted that hug back, it made him warm. Sure it was like standing right next to the sun but he'll take that over this shivering cold any day.

"Oh.. Sweetheart.. Shh... It's okay..do you want me to hug you again?"

"I.. Don't..P-Please... So.. So cold..." He managed to say through chattering teeth.

"Shh okay okay... I've got you... Breathe for me kiddo.. It's going to be okay... I've got you."

He heard that before that burst of surging blistering hotness was on his skin again. It was everywhere. It made his eyes water up again. It made his heart ache from his depths.

"I think that's too much for you. Here let's try this."

A shift of movement and he realized that heat wasn't as suffocating anymore. Rather it was on one side rather than all around him. Looking over he saw Patton under his arm curling into his chest and his arms around his one arm.

That was..better. He could at least breathe. Though that coldness was still affecting him it wasn't as strong, he realized.

With a gasp of breath he looked back down to Patton, "T-That..wasn't..a...h-hug?"

"Yes sweetie it was. This is a side hug... Well almost. But... Dee..you've never been hugged before?"

"When..wouldn't I have? The..others..like to be touched..."

This is the closest somebody ever been in..a long time, that thought popped into his mind. The only time he's ever been touched wasn't very..pleasant. It's always been punches, shoves, the things of the like. But this was..nice..

He almost expected this to be a dream or for Patton to leave him and laugh at him as he walked away.

But as time went on..none of that happened. This was real, he realized.

A shaky exhale escaped from him as his body started shaking again. Patton was saying something to him he could tell, but it sounded like it was coming from a long tunnel. He couldn't focus on it. He couldn't focus on anything other than the coldness seeping through him again and the fact that he was being touched.

Fear spiked through him as well. His body tensed up even more and involuntary he sprang away. His hands gripped his shirt in bunches as he hiccuped.

No, this...can't be happening. Why would Patton give him a hug? Maybe he did something wrong. He must of, why else would he do that? What to try to be nice. No, it properly was going to lead to some punishment. Just like every other time he was touched visions of him being pushed, of him being pulled down and stomped on, blasted through his mind.

Suddenly he realized he couldn't breathe. His lungs felt like they were collapsing in on itself. His hands went to his throat as he tried to scratch his skin. Try to make some air get to his lungs. To try to do something. To try to get the pain to just stop. Everything became too much. He couldn't seem to process anything. Maybe if he-

"Dee. Sshhh... Dee, can you hear me?"

"P-Please..do..hurt me..." Deceit managed to choke out.

He tried to back away from Patton as he could see through his tears that the other side was coming towards him. The others hands raised up as he did so making Deceit's breath pause in his throat. His back hit the wall and he gave a whimper at it. He knew it. He knew this was a lie. All of this was a lie.

Breathing coming in gasps he heard a soft voice, "-d begin to be...Half of what you think of me...I could do about anything..."

His eyes slowly opened as he recognized that song.

"I could even learn how to love, When I see the way you act.."

It was...

"Wondering when I'm coming back...I could do about anything, I could even learn how to love... Like you..."

It was a secret that well..didn't really stay a secret for long after the others were involved in his life more but... Deceit secretly loved Steven Universe. It wasn't much of a surprise really, he remembered Logan saying, they all loved musicals as much as Thomas does. And Thomas just about adored that show as much as he did musicals so it made sense that the sides would as well.

"I always thought I might be bad Now I’m sure that it's true...‘cause I think you’re so good, And I’m nothing like you."

As Patton sang he could feel himself calming down he could feel himself being grounded into reality.

Blinking his watery eyes he looked to the other to see him sitting down crisscross on the ground his eyes closed but he could see every few moments he would open one of them to check on him. His hands were close to his sides properly making sure he didn't make the same mistake twice, Deceit thought in the back of his mind.

"Look at you go...I just adore you, I wish that I knew...What makes you think I'm so special"

His mind focused on the lyrics. Focused on Patton's voice rather than the rushed, suffocating thoughts running through his mind. A few tears kept coming down his cheeks but he could finally breathe. He could at least take a few breaths without hiccuping.

"If I could begin to do, Something that does right by you...I would do about anything...I would even learn how to love...."

Patton peeked up again to see Deceit had at least almost calmed down and smiled at the sight. He patted the ground next to him making sure to keep his hands close to his body as soon as he did that. His smile only grew in size as the other slowly made his way over and sat down. His knees drew up towards his chest and he looked away from Patton but he certainly looked calmer.

"When I see the way you look... Shaken by how long it took, I could do about anything... I could even learn how to love like you...."

And with that Patton stopped slowly his eyes opened up fully and turned his head towards Deceit, that beaming smile still on his face.

As Deceit calmed down fully now he could feel that coldness seeping through him again. But it came like a wave this time. It felt like a truck slamming into him. The sensations were all at once making his breath get trapped in his throat again for a few moments.

Patton saw his struggle to breathe yet again and softly said, "Do you want me to touch you?"

Eagerly Deceit nodded his head still not looking at him hoping that he didn't appear too needy. Too desperate.

Softly Patton leaned forward whispering, "I'm gonna take your hands now okay? I'm not going to hurt you I promise."

As his soft hands met Deceits he sucked in a loud breath making Patton draw back in alarm. But quickly Deceit threw himself forward whimpering and gripping for Patton's hands before he knew what he was doing. As soon as he did that another whimper came from his lips.

He was afraid, afraid that his fears would come true. But yet..this was so nice...it warmed him up to his very soul...

He had never been this warm before. He didn't realize how cold and dreadful he once was, his desert finally had rain after so many years of the dreaded silence.  Even this little touch sent electricity spark through his entire body but it made a soft smile appear on his face.

That soft smile made Patton smile even wider.

He tightened his grip slightly, "Dee... Can you look at me?"

His gaze, which was at their intersecting hands, slowly went up towards Patton.

At seeing the fearful gaze in his, mixed with some happiness, it made his smile falter a bit. "Oh, sweetie... It's going to be okay. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm never going to hurt you, kiddo. I think I know what's going on... It was similar to Virgil. I may not be Logan but Dee... I think your touch-starved and worse than Virgil."

That caused him to stiffen.

"But that's okay! That just means we'll give you extra hugs and love how does that sound?"

A nod then a small, "Not... G-Great..."

Patton beamed leaning forward and before Deceit knew what he was doing his lips went to his non-bloodied cheek.

Deceits eyes went wide and a soft blush came upon his cheeks. That was..a kiss, right? He's seen Patton do that to the others too...

"I love you kiddo. We love you. We love you for who you are. You won't ever get hurt again. You're a part of this family now. Ohana means family and family never gets left behind or forgotten right?"

Tears willed in Deceits eyes again but not from pain, not from fear this time, rather of happiness. He was for once..happy. He doesn't even remember a time he was once so happy.

A sob came from his throat before he nodded, "N-No... I.. I hate you..too.."

Laughter burst out of the other one causing Deceit to chuckle himself.

"What's not funny?"

Patton waved his arm, "Your blush is adorable Dee that's all! Now come on let's get you cleaned up and head downstairs I'm sure the others are worried about us! That's if..you want to of course." Another peck on his cheek then a swift of motion as Patton stood up. He even offered a hand to the flustered side.

After a few confused seconds, Deceit took it with a soft smile as he rubbed his eyes, "Y-Yeah... Sounds...not g-great."

As he was led to the bathroom once again he winced as he saw the scales still in the sink. As he saw the blood that was on the counter. As he saw the bloodied scissors. He swallowed heavily at the sight.

"Hey, shshs it's okay. Why don't you wait outside while I clean this up for you?"

All Deceit could do was nod he had to be lightly pulled outside, his entire body frozen from the sight.

As his gaze drifted around his room, as the more time passed, that ache intensified in his chest. That coldness grew in volume until it became hard to breathe. How long was Patton in there? Minutes? Hours? Days? He couldn't tell anymore.

His arms curled around his torso as he tried to bring some warmth to him. And of course, that did nearly nothing. His teeth started chattering making small noises that caused him to whimper at.

As he opened his mouth to call for Patton to hurry up his eyes blinked as he saw..mist? Fog?

What..was happening?

He opened his mouth again drawing out air and froze when he saw that mist intensified. When did it become so cold? Was it just him? It didn't seem like it was that cold and even so, it became so cold in such a short time how could it...

His breath became gasps as it was getting harder to breathe. Warm... Have to get warm...

Finally, he faintly heard the door open.

He was barely able to turn around his body becoming frozen to the ground as he tore his arms from his sides and grabbed for Patton the best he could. His gasps turned to whimpers as he tried to pull Patton close to him.

Patton was warm. Patton would help him, right?

As arms went around him his head curling up against his collarbone he involuntary cried into his blue shirt. It only took seconds before his freezing self was screaming as Patton's warmness became too much once again.

But he didn't want to pull away. He didn't want that coldness again. But luckily he was shifted back to Patton's side where the intense heat wasn't as bad. It didn't cause him as much pain as a full hug, luckily.

Still breathing somewhat heavily he was dragged into the bathroom giving a sigh as Patton didn't remove him.

"Shshsh... I've got you now Dee. I won't leave you again I promise." He felt the others hand rubbing against his arm making him warmer.

"I-I'm not sorry..."

"No no Dee don't say that. It's not your fault alright? Just hang on to me and breathe for me. That's right..in and out like that. You're doing fantastic."

Once his breathing was back to normal once again he raised his head but kept his hands buried into Patton's blue shirt, now gripping onto it like a lifeline. "I..do know what that was..."

"I don't know either. But we can ask Logan once we get downstairs. Now," He clapped his hands together softly, "let's clean you up!"

That one grounding grip seemed to be enough to bait the freezing cold away as he didn't feel it returning as Patton cleaned him up. Lazily he glanced around noticing he really did clean up everything, the blood, the scales, and even the scissors, were gone. He..really cleaned it up for him...

It didn't take long before Patton seemed satisfied with how he looked, he honestly didn't care much. He was too tired to care anyway.

Instead, he just shrugged and nodded to all of Patton's ramblings. He wanted to sleep now but he knew if he didn't eat anything Patton would get upset. And well he feared that freezing touch would come back. Would Patton be here next time? No, it was better if he just followed where Patton goes.

Suddenly, like a blink of an eye, he found himself coming down the last stair still gripping on to Patton's shirt with a tight grip. But what he saw made him smile lightly.

Roman seemed to be putting the icing on what he assumed to be dessert while Virgil was fighting with him to get the icing tip. Logan, meanwhile, was trying to break up the fighting but it seemed to be a lost cause at this point.

At seeing them all playing and bickering like children it sent a little laughter through him. It honestly made him...gleeful. He felt lighthearted inside and he wasn't sure what this feeling was. For some reason, he felt..included finally. He wasn't sure what did it but this not so pleasant moment seemed to have made him happier. The happiest he's ever been actually. He didn't know how to take it but it was quite pleasant he must say. Weird but pleasant he could certainly get used to this, he must be exhausted.

As Patton came forward to help break up the fight before there is icing everywhere he was dragged along. Though as soon as Patton made his way into the kitchen there was a loud pop noise blinking he found Roman's normal pure while garment stained with yellow icing. And Virgil's hoodie front covered in it as well.

They both continued to bicker but the sight was too much for Deceit. He brought up his other hand to his mouth lightly as he laughed, loudly. He was laughing so hard he snorted a few times. He must have been laughing for minutes before he finally stopped wiping at his now tearful eyes he looked up to see them all staring at him with..wide eyes.

His own eyes slowly went wide at all the staring eyes.

Was..his laugh that stupid? Sure he's rarely laughed in front of them and never laughed that hard before but...

His laugh can't be that bad right?

But as soon as those fearful thoughts went through his head he suddenly heard a loud, "Awwww!!!!"

His head snapped towards the sound greeted to a glittering Patton gaze at him.

Blinking as Patton started bouncing in place his hands to his chin causing him to bounce in place as well trying to keep hold of him the best he could, "Dee!! Your laugh is adorable!! You should laugh more!! Even those little snorts are just so cute!!"

"It was rather quite..okay I must say," Logan said next and despite his words and deadpanned voice Deceit could see a faint trace of a blush on his cheeks.

"Oh come on your freaking out over his laugh Pat? It's not as cute as my laugh right?" Roman spoke up being dramatic as usual even he had a trace of a blush, however.

Patton giggles leaning over to kiss his cheek, "Of course not sweetie."

Virgil was..quiet for once. Glancing over to him he seemed to try to hide his face but as they both caught eyes he could see a small smile formed on his lips and..a faint purple blush on his cheeks as well.

That made Deceit blush they...all thought it was cute? His laughter..cute? They weren't terrified of something that he does for once?

Maybe...this 'fitting' in thing won't be so hard. Maybe he had nothing to fear after all.

Maybe he wasn't as terrifying as he originally thought. And maybe..he wasn't like the villain he always thought he was.

As the others got cleaned up and dinner was started he still couldn't leave Patton's side but for once he didn't mind it. For once he let his guards down. He let his walls down and finally tried to relax around them.

Sure that fear was everpresent, sure that fear still seeped into him from time to time but for once he was content with it. He didn't let it consume him like before.

Cause he knew the others won't hate him again. He knew he was a part of this ohana. This family.

Love like you~

[2elements-blog]

Astro| Their reaction to waking from a nightmare about losing you.

Thank you so much for the request. We hope this is what you meant, and that you like it. And again thank you Uwu <3

-2E

Warnings: angst 

Jinjin

“I’m sorry… I just lost my feelings towards you” Jinjin’s heart drops as he looks at your expressionless face while searching for just some feeling in the words you just told him.

Not succeeding.

“But- What do you mean!” The tears have started to fall down his face, and he is reaching for your hand, but you immediately jerk your hand away.

“You were just not the one for me.” You say, again, no expression in your face, which is the most hurtful thing in this.

“I don't love you anymore” You turn around and begin to walk away. What caused this? he doesn't know, all he knows is that the tears are there, and they will keep coming while shouting your name. ___

Jinjin’s eyes open as quick as a lightning. He is drenched in sweat, and he still has tears in his eyes from the horrible nightmare.

Looking around, he sees no other soul than his own, which makes him scared that the dream might have been the reality.

“y/n?... Y/N!” He shouts when he doesn't get a response. He walks around the apartment, but he then sees you. You are standing outside on the balcony, eating.

You don't notice him, but when he opens the door, you don't even get the change to turn around. He has wrapped his hands around you and is hugging you from behind. 

“I couldn't sleep... and I was kind of hungry- Whats wrong?” Noticing he is silent, he just shakes his head and you can feel him smile against you.

“I love you”

MJ

“It’s not your fault MJ,” you whisper, holding his hand tight. The beeping of the heart monitor sounds in the room. MJ tries to hold back the tears, as he looks at you. Your face is hurt badly.

“If I had seen that car… I could have stopped you from running… you could be okay now,” The tears started flowing like a tiny waterfall.

And then suddenly, your hand falls numb and the line goes flat.

“y/n?... Y/N!”

____

“Y/N!” MJ yells as he sits up bed, he is bathing in sweat and slightly shaking.

He looks to the side to see the empty bedside.

“y/n… y/n where are you?!” his voice is shaking and he keeps looking desperately around.

“MJ? what's wrong? why are you yelling? what are you….” your voice grows quiet as you enter the bedroom, with a cold glass of water in your hand.

“Thank god…” he whispers quietly as his eyes catch yours.

“what’s wrong? I just went for water,” You say with a worried voice and sits down next to him on the bed. He immediately reaches over to hug your stomach, laying there on your legs for a bit.

“Mj..” You whisper and stroke his hair, making him calm down a bit.

“Please don’t leave me... “ he whimpers like a puppy.

“It was just a nightmare… don’t worry, I would never leave,” You kiss the top of his head and go back to sleep with him.

Eunwoo

“W-what?” The words silently got stuck in Eunwoo’s throat as he heard the news from the police.

“Y/n Y/l/n passed away last night due to a horrific car crash she was a part of-” The older man gives the terrible news right as Eunwoo opened his door this morning.

“And-” The man continuous, but is caught off my Eunwoo’s disbelief.

“This can't be… Are you sure it was y/n?” Tears form in his eyes, as he tries to take in the terrifying news.

“If this is the real ID, then yes” the policeman gives him an ID. And true enough, it was you. Your face, your name, your birthday, just you. You had been taken away by a car crash- He didn't even get to say goodbye. ___

He wakes up at once and ignores the fact that his heart is beating insanely fast, and sweat has him drenched around his neck. He silently taps on the side you usually lay beside him, but there's something is wrong.

His eyes are wide open, and he wide awake. All he knows now is that you aren't beside him, and he needs to know why. The nightmare scared him that much.

“Y/n!” Shouting quick, he gets up and looks around every corner in the bedroom.

“What are you doing Eunwoo?” A voice lets his heart take a break just a for a second. It's you. You are standing with a cup filled up with water. and he drops himself on the floor. With a relieved smile on his face.

You put down the cup the nearest high place, and sit down in front of him immediately. Not even a second passes, and he has taken you into his arms.

“I thought I lost you,” He says, muffling the words in your neck. You let a slight chuckle slip as you return the hug.

“Don’t worry. I’m right here”

Moonbin

A letter had been laid behind the door of the apartment you two share together.

It was simple looking, but when Moonbin opened the letter, it wasn't as simple as it looked. A lot of words, and a lot of scrabbling around. Looking like words had been written, but erased.

“I cant do this anymore…” Reading one of the most hurtful lines in the letter out loud, he falls to the ground. Still holding the letter, he begins to tremble but keeps reading.

“I’m breaking up- I can't take the way this relationship is going… I'm sorry” hearing the words he is reading in your voice, he begins to cry silently. only a few tears appear.

Though the last part was the hardest to read since it was smudged a little. Probably from the tears you had been crying out while writing it. But, it was definitely the words written down that hurt the most.

I love you. -y/n ___

Waking up, Moonbin was still shaking from the horror-filled nightmare. But needed to sit up to get some air, knowing now it was only a dream. But something was wrong. He couldn't hear your breathing behind him when he was sitting on his side of the bed.

So looking behind himself and seeing no one laying on that part of the bed, scared the living hell out of him. But nothing moved in him, only his thoughts kept running.

His eyes plastered to your side of the bed, still not moving you entered the room. But stopping up looking quite confused.

“Moonbin? Babe? What's wrong?” Still standing, his eyes meet yours at once as he heard your voice.

“Oh god… I thought it was real for a second” Throwing himself back into the bed. You move over in front of him and then sit beside him.

“Thought what- Oh… was it a bad dream?” All he does nod, but also once the nod is done he takes you down with him, and begins to cuddle you in relief.

“Please stay,” He says into your neck. You let a little giggle slip out.

“Of course” he tucks you in more as those words left your mouth.

Rocky

A shadow appears in front of you two and you stop in your tracks. You squeeze Rocky’s hand tight. A man with a gun pointed at you starts to yell.

“DO NOT MOVE! Give me all of your money! RIGHT NOW!” the robber demands at you two.

“W-we don’t have any” You start to cry, Rocky is frozen, he doesn’t know what to do.

You fold your hands and jump down on your knees. Begging for the man to not shoot.

“I said DO NOT MOVE!” the man screams on top of his lungs.

The gunshot makes Rocky scream out of all of his might, everything seems to go slower.

“Y/N NO!” He jumps down to your lifeless body on the ground, holding it tight to his chest as the tears stream down his cheeks.

“y/n please don’t…” He whispers over and over again.

___

Rocky gasps slightly as he sits up in the couch. You two had been watching a scary movie together and apparently fallen asleep.

But something was wrong.

“y-y/n where are you? Y/N?!” he stands up from the couch and walks around the small apartment.

“Y/N!!” his voice is desperate, he needs to see you.

“Gee’ Rocky be quiet… its 2 am,” Your groggy voice says as you walk out the bathroom.

“y/n!” He says and runs over to hug you tight.

“baby what’s wrong?” You slightly giggle at his reaction. seriously, you just had to pee.

“I.. I had a nightmare… I thought I had lost you…” He sniffs quietly into the crook of your neck.

“Rocky… I’m right here,” you say in a calm voice as you hug him tightly.

Sanha

Sanha’s heart drops to the floor when he sees you and Rocky. You two are holding hands and laughing together. Sanha couldn’t bear seeing this. He decided to walk over to you two.

“y/n… wh-what are you doing with Rocky?” Sanha asks looking at you.

“uhm? funny enough dating him stupid? We have been for awhile now,” you giggle at him, he loves that giggle, but not in this context.

“Yeah, thanks for helping us together Sanha, I really owe you,” Rocky laughs and bows down to kiss your cheek. Sanha’s eyes tear up at the sight and he has to close them shut. He can’t see this anymore.

___

Sanha quietly opens his eyes, feeling the warm tears down his cheeks. He is laying alone in his bed at the dorm.

The bed is cold and he misses something, like there used to be a warmth that is now gone.

“Y/n…” He quietly sobs into the pillow. He wants to hold you again, you don’t belong with Rocky. You belong with him.

“Sanha?” a quiet voice sounds. Sanha looks up from the pillow to see your figure standing there. You look confused and concerned.

“are you… crying?” You say quietly and make your way to the bed and sitting down on it.

“Why are you crying?” You whisper and stroke his hair.

“I… I had a nightmare, you were with Rocky… I was scared it was true… because you were gone when I woke up,” Sanha tells and you can’t help yourself but laugh a bit.

“Sanha… I just had to use the bathroom. It was just a nightmare okay? I’m yours, only yours,” You kiss his cheek and lay down under the sheets with him.

You two decide to talk about some random stuff until you both fall asleep.

_____________________________________________________________

Sorry if it was waaay to Angsty guys TT.TT 

please send us some requests.

[maggotmouth]

     hullo it nora, back for more mess. this unhinged little nightmare is cecily who i first birthed around 3 years ago and i am so excited to finally be playing her again. feral wolf girl who loves silk babydoll dresses and bubblegum but would also cut your femoral artery if she was bored. is the eptome of that “somethin dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls” trope. amma crellin meets harley quinn meets addy hanlon.  ( pinterest )

APP.

( nora. 22. gmt. she / her. ) it might be HER FRESHMAN year but I still think CECILY DE ROSA looks exactly like FREYA MAVOR and sometimes I think the FEMALE is actually them. Of course I’m wrong, as they’re 19 and studying THEATRE while living in FIDELIS here at Lockwood. The GEMINI can be rather PUCKISH and CANDID, but also kind of SELF-CENTRED and HYSTERICAL. Their most played song on Spotify was CELL BLOCK TANGO by CATHERINE ZETA JONES AND THE COMPANY OF CHICAGO, so I think that says a lot.

BACKGROUND.

tw death suicide murder proceed w caution

born as ‘lamia romana’ in italy to catholic parents. her father was a struggling alcoholic and incredibly depressed. when cece was 4, and her brother was 3 her father fed the gas pipe through the back of their car whilst they prepared to go on their family holiday because he knew suicide would leave his wife and children penniless so he decided the most selfless thing would be to take them with him

cecily (lamia) and her brother luc by some miracle survived the accident, but were left orphaned. they were sent to a convent where they were raised by nuns. cece was incredibly religious. it became her whole life. she was devoted to god completely, almost crazed, because in the absence of parents she transferred the need for a guider and protector onto this spiritual other evoked by her religious beliefs.

she always had a strained relationship w her brother because she believed he wasn’t as devoted to catholicism as she was. when she was 13 he claimed that god wasn’t real and that she was a freak, and in a violent rage cecily thrust a crucifix through his throat. it was completely out of character for her. she screamed until her throat went dry. eventually,  when the nuns managed to tear her away from her brother’s body, she was taken to a psychiatric hospital in manhattan where she stayed for two years. driven to madness, she convinced herself that she had been possessed by the devil the moment she killed her brother, and soon she began to accept her fate, as not holy, like she had anticipated, but in fact it’s ungoldy antithesis

when she was released, she was adopted by an american distant aunt and uncle and sent to a manhattan boarding school under the new name ‘cecily de rosa’. see also: st. trinnians. lifted of any religious obligation, cecily grew wild. she delighted in acting up, cheeking her superiors, causing havoc and chaos, terrifying the other girls. sex became her weapon – she would seduce the boys from the local comprehensive and drop them like flies. to her, it was merely a game. 

uses sex as a weapon, a way in which to manipulate men, having filmed sexual liasons with both a former acting coach and a TA to use for the purposes of blackmail. 

 her expulsion from school was threatened after she streaked the school naked and doused in pig blood, but her academic prowess was an asset to the school, so they learnt to put up with her antics. she applied for yale but didn’t get in.

 she atended juliard for a year but was thrown out for indecency

theatre-wise, one of Cecily’s most commendable traits is her sheer tenacity and lack of inhibition – she is willing to do whatever it takes to climb to the top, and kick as many other people down as necessary on her way there. tthis unhinged hunger for success was evidenced when, in her breakout role, cecily played Tamora in Titus Andronicus. feeling the presentation of one of shakespeare’s most terrifying women was ‘pussy-footed’ and dulled down for a male audience, cecily took matters into her own hands, and during the famous banquet scene where Tamora is fed her own sons, she ate a pig’s heart live on stage – receiving both awestruck and horrified press reviews for her performance -- and getting expelled from her drama school. (thats why she is now at lockwood)

she is in a sorority house n the gymnastic squad. she speaks fluently in four languages. the kind f sociopathic lana del rey writes songs about. 

was raised Roman Catholic, and although she is now estranged from religion, it’s still an integral part of her identity. She holds it partially responsible for the need to repress emotion she still experiences. The only time she allows herself to truly feel, without perceiving it as a weakness, is when she’s performing

cecily was raised with dual-nationality and is multi-lingual. Her parents frequently spoke both Italian and English around the house, leading cecily to do the same. She is also somewhat familiar with Latin, having studied it alongside Literature, Contemporary Dance and Theatre at a manhattan-based performing arts boarding school.

ethereal wood elf. plays flute and does ballet. her favourite tv shows are making a murderer and dance moms. she is big on Tchaikovsky and Bukowski. poetry to cecily is soup of the soul, despite the fact that the only things she really feels are apathy and mild disgust. her poems mostly centre around the beauty of violence -- writing about it often prevents her from committing violent acts -- and also her cat.

loves gettin fucked up. always high on sometin -- cocaine, ecstasy, love, her own ego.

had her first taste of alcohol at 15 and has stayed fond of spirits ever since. likes literature of the macabre, isn’t fond of social media, and loves knee high socks and glitter. she bites her nails, will only take cold showers, and doesn’t drink coffee. loves cats. is vegan.

she sleeps like a cat, regularly but short amounts of time, and is usually found awake at night stalking the streets in the pursuit of self-destruction. she views herself as pansexual because she is attracted to people rather than genders but she thinks men are trash. probably biromantic or homoromantic. she loves the chase. she likes meaningless sexual liasons, but if hearts are broken in the process, even better. hearts are breakable and she believes those who have them are foolish.

aesthetic:  peroxide hair in a bathtub, bleach, glittery socks under spaghetti strap heels, silk slip dresses, glitter smeared beneath eyes, split knuckles, nose bleeds, a bubble of blue gum snapped against cherry flavoured lips, orange peel, knee-high socks, tartan two-piece skirt and blazers, kate moss posters ripped out of vogue, littering a bedroom wall, yearbook photos tacked together with red thread, clip in highlights, stick on earrings, french music humming from a crackly gramophone, a hip flask covered with hello kitty stickers

PLOTS.

i currently have NO PLOTS for her so everything is open. if you want a cousin / ex-lover / friend with benefits  / bully, or are dying for a specific connection, let me know or like this post and i will msg you!! LOVE U ALL xoxo

more plots all of these are plagiarised:

“you were drunk and you climbed in through my apartment window and I’m not really sure how you managed it because not only is the fire escape broken but you are really fucking plastered wtf please, teach me your skills?”

“i set your kitchen on fire ‘by accident’ because i hate your guts, and you know it was me but you have no evidence”

“we’re in a breakfast club style all day detention”

“you came over for ‘help studying’ and my roommate came home five minutes after we were done hooking up and you got roped into a conversation about her dogs and everyone is uncomfortable”

“we’re friends but it’s a really toxic relationship made up of trying to one up each other all the time”

“I caught you writing gay porn in the library and now you’re terrified i’ll tell everyone, but really i’m just waiting for the next instalment”

“i asked you to help me sneak my cat into my dorm but we got caught by the janitor and now we’re both in the principal’s office”

“you saw me come back to my apartment covered in blood one night, but you’ve never asked about it because you’re scared that yours might be the next blood i’m covered in”

“you broke into my apartment while I was out for whatever reason and when I came home I knocked you out and now you’re unconscious on my floor and idk what to do?”

“i just decked you in the face because i’m drunk and you were pissing me off but ow my hand really fucking hurts i think i might have broke it and oh look your nose is bleeding and now we’re both sitting awkwardly in the hospital while i glare at you from across the room. but wait are you giving me sex eyes?? stop that i’m supposed to mad at you??”

“you keep dragging suspicious sacks up to and down from your apartment and I don’t know what your deal is or why I still wanna bone you”

“we’re in the same rocky horror troupe”

“i stayed over at your house and woke you up in the middle of the night to have sex while your roommate is asleep and every time, your room mate yells “STOP FUCKING, JESUS CHRIST” right when we’re about to finish”

“we used to have a thing but  now we hate each others guts and can’t be in the same room without yelling at one another”

“i had a drunk one night stand with your brother last year and i threw up in your room, and now we’re in a class together and it’s really awkward.”

[pandxras-blog]

                 hello friends !! it’s ya girl moose again back at it !! this is panda !! she is......kind of a 2.0 of one of my other characters ?? slightly tweaked but still my fave gal deep down in my heart. as always i wanna plot w/ u all so LIKE THIS and i’ll come to u or HMU !!

she grew up in a small town in wisconsin where her parents owned a farm. they mostly had animals (cows, goats, chickens, and sheep) and rented out their farmland to other ppl.

she was an only child so.......she always kind of had to make due by herself. she’d hang out w the animals all day and she usually kept herself busy drawing or readin

the relationship between her parents had always been kinda rocky. she was the product of an unplanned teen pregnancy and it was clear they only rly stayed together bc.....they had to???

they were mostly just together for panda u know. but at some point her dad started seeing another woman lowkey behind everyone’s backs, but like…everyone kind of knew tbh bc.....the town is so small like everyone knows ur business.

panda was oblivious to it all tho, she likes to see the best in people. she loved her dad so much and thought of him very highly. he’s he dad after all!!!! her hero!!!!!!!

when she was 12, her dad just split one day while she was away at school and she came home to an empty house. he’d left to start his new life with his new girlfriend in the city without a word. he only left a pile of old sweaters (which panda kept & wears). a few weeks later some divorce papers came in the mail for her mom & that was that

for a few months, panda was the one that had to pick up the pieces. her mom wouldn’t get out of bed or get any work done or cook or clean or do laundry or do anything so it all fell on panda. she’d make breakfast and dinner for her & her mom and make herself lunch for school. she’d do the laundry and make sure her mom was fed and make sure the animals were fed & she barely had any time for herself.

it was around this time that her uncle and cousin noah came to stay a little while and visit, but ended up moving in permanently to help them around the house and help panda pick up the pieces & panda was kind of able to be a kid again, but.......also not really

pandora was always a kind of quiet and sensitive kid and she always got picked on at school for being a little weird, but after the whole family drama scandal it really only got worse? so she became really reclusive and didn’t do much other than go to school and go home and work on the farm, like she did before. honestly......this was just like her life now rip. she didn’t really have that many friends, but she found a lot of comfort in hanging out w the animals at home

and she also ended up growing a strong bond with her cousin because he was a bit of a black sheep himself. they’d just kind of chill w the animals together and just talk for hours. of course she loved her brother too, but he was like…..a lot cooler than her, so it was harder to relate u know

she also got really into art as a kid. she found it really helped her bc she couldn’t always express herself thru words, but she could always express herself thru art

honestly she’s just spend hours sitting around with the cows n noah, doing her homework and working on her art

the kinda gal that literally.....was constantly doodling ?? like always came home w pen on her legs and her notebooks were filled with little drawings in the margins & stuff u know the type

another thing that she’s always been into is like..........horror & gore & macabre shit ig ?? a lot of her doodles turned into her like designing these like monsters & creatures & it was a little unnerving when her mom found her drawings because like wtf ??? but....she has a very vivid imagination & a lot of ideas.

she joined her town’s theatre production when she was 15 & worked backstage designing & making costumes & doing makeup and was like wow...........this is dope ???? let me do this forever thx

the original plan her & her mother had discusses for her future was that she would go to school to become a vet so she could still help out around the farm, but....she wanted to make a future out of her art??? she wanted to make films and show what she could do with special effect bc.....she’s so passionate about it. she decided that like…the small town life wasn’t for her, she didn’t like everybody knowing her business and all that

and it was like….she wanted to get out asap ?? she just kind of needed a breather too and like…..a change. she wanted to start over, i guess.

she mom didn’t really believe that she could do it ?? like “oh that’s nice sweetie but that’s not a job” & also like she said explicitly at times that her work wouldn’t rly be good enough to make a career out of which was v upsetting. she lowkey believed it but she was destined to prove her mom wrong

so she was like ok !!!!! i’m gonna go to school pce out fam. but she had to take a year off after graduation to like....save money bc she didn’t know if she’d be able to get scholarships

she ended up getting accepted to princeton & she probably cried for a week straight. she’s doesn’t rly come from a lot of money so she needs student aid and she puts pretty much all of her savings into school

so here she is......w a double major of fine arts major & fum bc she REALLY wants to do special effects makeup & character design and make films ig !!!!

ew that was bad but now let me talk about her personality ok

she’s very........pure. she’s an innocent soul who really...couldn’t hurt a fly, even if she wanted to

tho she does lowkey because she’s fucking stupid just not on purpose

she’s naive, and blindly optimistic & overly sweet, almost completely inexperienced with relationships & definitely 100% a virgin

and she’s unassuming and always likes to see the best in people

also tbh…..she’s too trusting. just wants everyone to be happy n eat cake together

very easy to manipulate. will do anything to have ppl like her..........she just wants to have friends and b cool !!!!!!!!!

she has so many feelings !!! but she hides them all ?? or tries to, at least. she definitely avoids talking about her problems because she doesn’t want to burden anyone

she’s very oblivious to flirtation, like she just….does not understand it at all she’s so awkward?

as i said, totally inexperienced when it comes anything romantic at all…….she’s my bi queen but this bitch doesn’t know how to flirt

she gets so flustered and nervous around attractive people i swear to god she’s like giddy 99% of the time she’s a mess

panda is truly….too soft for the world. she’s constantly worrying about what people think of her and she cries so easily like….if anyone says anything mean to her she’ll just breakdown. she needs to harden up tbh……..she straight up cries @ everything its….fucking laME

she’s 100% art hoe tho, like…..she’s always doodling and she’s always got little pen doodles on her thighs n such. bitch always has paint on her hands & under her fingernails prob lil nasty

really knows how to BEAT a face tho but she’s too lazy to do it to herself everyday but pls........let her do ur makeup she’d cry & love u

because she’s so soft she can be like dumb ??? lacks a lot of common sense tbh she’s just....always got her head in the clouds. she will literally trust anyone and honestly..........................if she doesn’t smarten up she’s gonna get killed i swear

luvs bugs & thinks they’re real cool

riddled w anxiety and major self image issues !!!!!!!!!!!!!! lowkey hates herself rip

meme queen. spends hours a day looking at them tbh. she’s always looking at her phone and laughing to herself she’s lame as fuck tbh. she is a meme.

her favorite color is yellow & she makes a lot of movie references & she sux and i hate her

she got long goils !! but...here are some lil wcs if u are interested !!

best friend ofc !!!

sibling-like relationship

a confidant 

sum art hoe friends

flirtationship kinda thing??? she prob tries but fails miserably

a model!!! someone she can......practice her makeup on

a bad influence/good influence type thing

someone she thinks is cool and rly wants 2 impress???

again......anything & everything :’)