#i love mlm stories so why not buy one that also has Kissing

[famewolf]

realizing I've never actually bought yaoi before??? the thought has never crossed my mind. immediately changed that though

[sneakyboymerlin]

Honestly it surprises me how few people ship merwaine in comparison to merthur. like just look at any interaction between the two and you can automatically tell how much Gwaine adores Merlin and vice versa. like with merthur you’d need a reason or story behind why they’re a couple. with these two just add a label or kiss to any scene, and boom, their canon. Like I don’t get it.

It’s not even that I have an issues with merthur I’ve written for it. it’s just when why do so many people ship that over merwaine????

This is about to be a very long post so hold on to your hats.

Note: this is not to shit on merthur, strictly speaking, but to explain why it sits strongest in people’s minds despite more likely mutual ships such as merwaine.

I think the reason for merthur’s popularity (*in juxtaposition to merwaine’s or mercelot’s) is in the fact that their dynamic receives the most narrative focus. Merlin and Arthur are ultimately the two mains despite the core four’s potential, surely has nothing to do with the creators not wanting to write or center complex, relatable women so their relationship is upheld as the most prominent one by the narrative.

*The reasons for merthur’s popularity over merwaine and mercelot are entirely different from its popularity over arwen.

However, just because a relationship bears significance does not mean it is (strictly) romantic. Romantic love is only one type of love, and you’d be hard-pressed to interpret a lot of Merlin & Arthur scenes in that way. This isn’t to say that it’s impossible to make those inferences: I’ve seen plausible arguments for unrequited love, with Merlin pining helplessly after an unattainable Arthur. While I don’t personally buy it, I can’t necessarily disprove it (though, not interpretations where Merlin holds any sort of grudge against Gwen… huh? He set them up himself, for their happiness!). The reason for this? Love is not always visible in the ways we are taught to expect.

Likewise, I think that much of the evidence people provide for merthur is based in those exact expectations of romance. Merlin shows loyalty to Arthur and clearly cares for him, a dynamic which is pushed as the Most Important in the series. People often interpret acts of chivalry and selflessness as romantic, and also see romance as the Most Important kind of relationship, so in fandom spaces that already have a heavy focus on white m/m pairings, those people gravitated towards them, while ignoring any evidence that contradicts those ideas.

The most likely canon scenario for the unrequited headcanon would be one where Merlin doesn’t even recognize his feelings for what they are, or can’t define them, and never pursues them. But I haven’t seen particularly strong evidence of Arthur sharing in those potential feelings, especially given his canon interest in Gwen (and no, Arthur doesn’t have to be attracted to specifically Merlin for you to headcanon him as mlm, no worries). Not only does he consider Gwen to be the only one he’s ever loved, but it’s made pretty clear that he wants monogamy (painfully so if you’re Lancelot). My point being: Arthur and Gwen aren’t divorcing, and they’re likely not bringing Merlin in as their third, either.

It seems to me like you’d have to completely erase important aspects of Arthur’s character to make it work. He starts out conflicted over his romantic feelings for Gwen because that kind of relationship with her is forbidden (even a friendship would be, especially with societal expectations between men and women), whereas with Merlin, he can have the dynamic he desires without making any change. He is also only able to acknowledge that he thinks of Merlin as a friend in the direst circumstances, even after marrying Gwen, who was of the same class status. They’re distinct relationships.

Unlike Merlin, his feelings are not at all vague. That’s exactly why Merlin is an open field for speculation, while Arthur is… not so much. Merlin only gets one confirmed love interest in the form of Freya, and their circumstances are full of compulsive choices based on their similarities. Merlin nearly runs away and elopes. They only know eachother for a handful of days (a little over the length of one moon phase, so maybe 4-5 total), so it’s safe to say they weren’t in love like Arthur and Gwen were. They were, however, infatuated the way Gwen and Lancelot were.

Furthermore, Merlin’s romantic orientation is arguably inconclusive, since his and Freya’s feelings for each other may have stemmed from their need to be accepted more than an authentic, budding romance. He may not experience genuine attraction to women, whether he does or not, it is easy to interpret him as attracted to men regardless of those feelings. The same goes for Freya, though you could also headcanon her as a lesbian adhering to compulsive heterosexuality/normativity.

Outside of that? While they’re not Merlin’s sole or central focus in life, Lancelot and Gwaine are perfectly viable romantic interests for him in ways that few other characters are. I know this ask is about merwaine but I’m gonna dig a bit into both, and probably merelyan.

Much of Merlin’s behavior with Lancelot reads in a sort of blushing, crushing manner. He starts out awestruck after Lancelot rescues him, and gets awkward with him at times. He becomes very suddenly attached to him and centers Lancelot’s goal to become a knight as his primary focus.

When Lancelot expresses his self-doubt, Merlin insists that everyone is going to love him, because… Merlin’s seen him fight, and so he can speak from experience what he personally felt.

He also memorably asks Gwen who she would choose between Arthur and Lancelot, “for the sake of argument,” implying that he’s opinionated on the matter (in Lancelot’s favor, as he reveals). He essentially tells Gwen that if he was in her place, he would choose Lancelot, and in his focus on Lancelot, remains oblivious to Gwen’s obvious crush on him.

The format of the episode strongly resembles the one with Freya, albeit that Lancelot saves Merlin at the start, whereas Merlin saves Freya (although, Merlin is tasked with rescuing Lancelot after he is injured fighting the griffon to save him). The episode ends with the revelation and acceptance of Merlin’s magic, which leaves Merlin on a hopeful note despite Lancelot’s banishment. We see him watching Lancelot leave from the parapets, while Gwen similarly watches him go from Morgana’s chambers.

With Lancelot, you have his sudden, passionate infatuation with Gwen that seems to have developed from his first impression of her, and only grew as he came to know her later on. Like with freylin, they only know each other for a short time when they decide to pursue the other romantically, but this is broken off for the sake of arwen, the relationship which is more fully-formed with a gradual build-up. Lancelot’s appeal to Gwen is in its ease: he’s handsome, true-hearted, and available, while her relationship with Arthur is forbidden and conflicted due to classism. But she finds that having Arthur’s love is worth the wait.

This leaves Lancelot alone in 4x01, rejected once again at his final parting with Gwen. He seems to realize the finality of this: there is no hope of ever being with her, because she’s made her choice, and he helped move that along. It’s after what feels like an honest break-up, when Gwen sets this clear boundary with a lovesick Lancelot, that we watch him move his focus to Merlin, protecting him to the end (quite literally). He makes a vow to Gwen to protect Arthur, but discovers that there’s no need to fulfill this vow (and thus, no way to break it) because Arthur isn’t the one who’s in danger. Merlin is. It is he who Lancelot gives his life for. Again, this doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t have fulfilled the vow to Gwen, if it ever became necessary. I think it’s apparent that he would have (especially taking the events of 2x04 into consideration) and had every intention of it. But that never came to be. It also doesn’t necessarily have to be a romantic gesture, but the gesture is interpreted as a romantic one for Gwen, so the same action done for Merlin can absolutely be read as such.

To me, this can easily come across as Lancelot realizing his feelings for Merlin have been overshadowed—exchanging his motive to fulfill his promise to Gwen with a self-appointed purpose in protecting Merlin, as Merlin is the one who needs him now—as he finally begins to process the reality of Gwen’s rejection. It doesn’t read like he’s only just developing feelings for Merlin, but like he’s just uncovered what was slowly growing there the whole time now that he’s given up on a romance with Gwen, the one who held his heart from the start. Obviously, this interpretation isn’t confirmed, but it is in-line with much of what happened. It’s also supported by the parallels between Gwen and Merlin’s solitary mourning, Gwen in the light and Merlin in the dark, reflecting the openness of their feelings.

(Note: Lancelot having feelings for Merlin wouldn’t erase his feelings for Gwen, just like him having feelings for Gwen doesn’t erase any feelings he might have for Merlin. The man just can’t focus on both at once lol.)

That’s probably another factor towards merthur’s popularity: the promise of a happy ending. Mercelot ends tragically and merwaine is fairly ambiguous, but with Merlin’s immortality, merthur doesn’t have to be, because Arthur is fated to return someday. However, most of the fan base does headcanon that all of the Round Table will return, and that has yet to be disproven.

Mercelot is not a relationship that can be maintained through the remainder of the series, what with its tragic ending nearly 2 full seasons before the finale. So who is there until the end, aside from Arthur and Gwen (who is also a perfectly viable love interest post-Camlann if you consider Merlin to be interested in women)?

That would be our very own Mr. Gwaine.

It’s pretty clear from Gwaine’s first appearance that his core relationship is with Merlin, and that even with his sense of justice and duty towards Arthur, Merlin is his #1 priority due to their emotional bond. This can be true of any friendship, but paired with Merlin and Gwaine’s arguably queer-coded start (by that I mean, Gwaine trying to convey that he’s such an effortlessly talented fighter in a strangely flirtatious, no-care, hair-flipping manner, then waking up naked in Merlin’s bed and essentially asking, “Did we, uh… you know,” and then acting strangely flirtatious again, and Merlin… not not enjoying it) plus Gwaine’s canon interest in men in the original legends, not to mention the forbidden feature of their relationship being directly paralleled to Arthur and Gwen’s… it pretty much spells out MLM Love Interest.

Now obviously, Merlin and Gwaine’s dynamic is often put on the back burner and undermined to make way for the heavy Merlin-Arthur focus of the series, but the flip side of a relationship not needing to be romantic to be important is that a relationship doesn’t need to be the single defining factor of a person’s life to be romantic. Much of Merlin’s existence is dependent on his dynamic with Arthur, and by default he spends more time with Arthur than he does with anyone else in Camelot, barring Gaius. But less time spent around him doesn’t mean his dynamic with Gwaine can’t be romantic, or that it’s not also important to him.

Merwaine also makes a much more compelling pairing than Gwaine with Percy, which is… pretty bland, if you want my honest opinion, and probably only exists as a side pairing to merthur because it’s easy pickins. You know who has more chemistry with Percival than literally anyone else? Elyan. Yes I am very passionate about this topic how could you tell?

Moving forward… just because Merlin’s entire world doesn’t revolve around Gwaine doesn’t mean he can’t possibly have romantic feelings for him, nor does it mean he can’t care for Gwaine as much as he does for Arthur. After all, people headcanon that Arthur has romantic feelings for Merlin when Arthur’s world is very clearly not centered on him. That doesn’t mean that Arthur doesn’t care about Merlin, only that not all stakes have to be romantic in nature. Arthur has clear motives outside of his canon romance, which handily proves that point even more.

Merlin’s first reactions to Gwaine—and his continued adoration of the man even after Gwaine openly states that Merlin should be done with him the way everyone else eventually is—lead into Merlin being told that he can be valued for more than just his uses in servitude and destiny. Because Gwaine takes a moment to be vulnerable with Merlin when Merlin needs someone to show him his worth, to show him that someone values him higher than the royalty he waits on hand and foot. In a way, he’s returning the favor that Merlin gives freely by accepting him for who he is. There’s also enough tension and miscommunication between them in seasons 4-5 to explain why, realistically, they wouldn’t act on any feelings they have for each other. Merlin does not believe that Gwaine would accept his magic, and not only does he not want to face that rejection or risk emotionally harming Gwaine, as much as he may want to tell him, but if Gwaine did betray him, then Camelot would be doomed.

Anyways, there are other good contenders for Merlinmances, such as Elyan who’s in love with Percival but open your mind for a minute. He’s seen riding together with Merlin on horseback in his introduction episode, in a way that some would naturally construe as romantic if it were between a man and a woman. Merlin clearly cares about Elyan, as seen when he rescues Elyan from the dungeons and attempts to save him from the ghost possessing him, and of course, he is seen mourning Elyan and blaming himself in 5x06.

Even though the show doesn’t expand on their dynamic much beyond 4x10, we can see they would make a cute romantic subplot if anything ever happened, especially in relation to their common acquaintances. Gwen’s brother with her best friend… cute, right? Nevermind that they don’t get a lot of screentime together, you can’t possibly deny that you’d love it. They have the chemistry for it, we just don’t get to see it in action as much as we’d like to.

The point is that lots of Merlin ships hold more water than merthur does, so I don’t think that merthur’s popularity in relation to merwaine is based on chemistry, realism, or anything like that, per se. I think it has more to do with factors like how much screentime they get together, how much the narrative tells us of their importance, and that Arthur is the most significant figure in Merlin’s life (which is automatically inferred as romantic, and expected to be reciprocated by default). Perhaps most importantly, Lancelot, Gwaine, and Elyan weren’t introduced until many episodes (seasons in the latter 2’s case) after Arthur was, and neither of the former 2 managed to stick around until 3x13, which put them out of sight and out of mind.

Merlin and Arthur, on the other hand, met in episode one, and their dynamic was built upon in each consecutive episode, which allowed fans to get deep into their headcanons early on (though it should be noted that none of the potential pairings introduced in the first half of season 1 ended up being endgame). Merthur seems to be more about the expectations, not the results.

But other characters are important too, even if their relationships to Merlin aren’t “plot relevant,” and even if they don’t get a lot of screentime. There’s no denying Arthur’s iconic love for Gwen, even though her romance with Arthur gets less screentime than Arthur’s friendship with Merlin.

So yeah, it may be that it appeals to some but doesn’t appeal to others depending on how much attention they’re given, rather than the actual content we receive (although tropes and complexity do play into it). I guess you can consider it a matter of quality vs. quantity, then.

[feralaot]

random scouts hcs!

I did a post like this for the warriors my beloved (here) and people seemed to like it so here's one for the scouts :) had some input from @afrival for this one luv u

no warnings I think

eren

if he had twitter he would have a vaporwave bart simpson profile picture and tweet lil peep lyrics. also uses way too many hashtags

he's scared of snakes and hates armin's ball python

his eyes are probably crusty as hell and mikasa has to wipe em for him because he won't

when he's losing an argument he goes "ooh you wanna kiss me so bad" and it always escalates things but he doesn't stop

almost exclusively wears american eagle

"what's a pronoun".mp3

uses the 💯 emoji in every other text message he sends

armin

sends his friends pictures of cats cuddling/hanging out and says "me n you <3"

genuinely can't stand when people have dirt under their fingernails. he gets so mad at eren bc his nails are dirty asf and armin forces him to clean them

he calls himself sexy a lot (e.g. "that was really sexy of me")

chews on bottle caps then is like hmm why do my teeth hurt

he hates feet. toes look weird to him. nobody in his house is allowed to take their socks off

unironically uses faces like ^-^ and :3

acne :(

mikasa

she's really bad at giving advice. don't go to her for help she'll literally be like "that's tough"

probably has like 4 instagram accounts made just to follow eren

solid black profile picture and no bio

maybe now and then she'll put a my chemical romance quote on her story but that's about it, she doesn't respond to dms or anything

doesn't wash that damn scarf so it's probably stinky

sticks staples, pins, etc through the tips of her fingers for no reason other than she likes freaking people out

probably hisses at people

jean

the only possible relationship dynamic somebody can have with him is rivals to lovers

very short social fuse and has to stay home for several days after public events bc it's just exhausting

he's an introvert adopted by extroverts (connie and sasha) and has to deal with their shenanigans. truly the mom figure between the three of them

marco has to listen to him ranting about connie and sasha's foolery and doesn't have much advice to offer bc he doesn't know either

for a long time he only knew "straight" and "gay" and when he found out about the concept of bisexuality his mind almost imploded

he sighs and yawns a lot and doesn't even realize he does it. people always think he's either annoyed or tired

probably dresses like a diet e-boy. crewneck king

connie

the kind of kid in your high school gym class that wears mismatching neon clothes. bonus points if it's nike

also the most likely to start a food fight for funsies

he doesn't yell often because his voice cracks when he does and it's embarrassing

sasha and him hate cafeteria food so he always brings an ungodly amount of food in his backpack instead to share with sasha. connie's backpack is 90% food

unironically says things like "pogchamp" and "rad"

he works at zumiez and probably lives there. always rocking their latest drip

jumps up and slaps exit signs

sasha

randomly breaks into song (usually disney songs) and connie will automatically duet

manages to fall asleep in any situation. on buses, while watching movies, sometimes even mid conversation if she's zoned out enough

tried to take armin fishing one time but he almost cried because he felt so bad about it

at least reiner will fish with her though. the himbos always come through

her instagram is all pictures of fish she caught and now and then there's an awkward candid pic of niccolo

stayed overnight in a walmart one time and got away and brags about it but she won't admit it was an accident. panicked and spent the night eating snacks off the shelves to "survive"

while she's talking her voice slowly gets louder and louder and she doesn't realize it until people tell her to stop yelling

historia

pulls people by the ears to bring them down to her level

also kicks people in the shins a lot, if she's arguing with someone they'll usually keep their distance to avoid getting shin kicked

loves climbing on ymir's back and just being carried around like the little creature she is

posts inspirational quotes on her story

would definitely be a cheerleader in high school. nobody would guess a prep like her is dating some grunge girl w a pretty much opposite personality

she always has bandaids with her for some reason. if someone gets scraped she'll whip out a bandaid immediately. her friends call her "mom" sometimes

hates grilled cheese so god damn much. can't stand it

ymir

"damn I don't remember asking".mp3

is always the first one to comment on historia's instagram posts. her comments range from "beautiful my queen!!!" to "damn ma yo ass fat"

she always called reiner gay as a joke then he came out as gay and for a while she thought it was her fault

her and reiner have wlw and mlm solidarity, they're bffs for that matter

if someone tells her that her music is too loud she'll say "huh?" and turn it up

similarly if someone scolds her for something she'll go "hm? repeat that, I'm a little deaf in this ear"

"bro stfu you always tell me you're gonna fire me for being late"

levi

really really hates cooking pasta because straining the water is for some reason more difficult than it should be

"do not underestimate me, bitches"

always refuses to get his hair cut at places in shopping centers. especially walmart great clips

makes monkey noises when he sees something he likes. he started doing this as a joke to mock zeke but it evolved and now he can't stop doing it randomly

will not hesitate to knock someone on their ass if they're talking shit

coffee makes him jittery so he drinks tea instead but won't admit to anyone that he lowkey also has a redbull addiction

hange calls him a catboy but he doesn't know what that means so he's always like "yeah" bc he thinks it means he's a cat person

hange

buys levi shoes from the kids section and doesnt tell him bc he likes them anyway

such a millennial, they say shit like "doggo" and "adulting"

"for practical reasons I don't exist. do not perceive me"

probably wants to marry mothman

levi has had to scold them on several different occasions for bringing live animals into the house

legally isn't allowed to cook bc they can and they will blow something up

goes on tipsy rants almost nightly

erwin

white skechers king

hosts barbecues in those white skechers. he talks shit about people with nile and pyxis like a bunch of gossiping middle aged fath- wait

his profile pictures on social media are probably pictures of himself taken from awkward angles with an empty expression. it's always posted like six times as well

when levi is getting Out Of Hand he'll pick him up from under the arms and carry him away like "okay, that's enough" and levi kicks around but can't escape

rubs his hands together a lot like a fly. nobody knows why he does it. what are you scheming

falls asleep on couches while watching sports games

[swinging his keys around his finger] "let's rock and roll"

[daturanerium]

i’m finally all caught up with @thepenumbrapodcast​ ‘s juno steel stories! here are my discordant thoughts on the story and the characters.

(i did this with the magnus archives season one, too! check it out here.)

SPOILERS FOR JUNO STEEL from s1e1 to s3ep2

general plot stuff:

this show. THIS SHOW. is written so well. the characterization is top-notch. the characters are fleshed out and interesting and engaging and they all grow and change and are affected by people and environments and time and events. they’re not static in the slightest.

i haven’t come across a story that deals with depression and suicidal idealization so well. i’m thoroughly impressed with how the writers both portrayed them and how well they have (so far) portrayed the healing process. wowowow.

THE LGBT REPRESENTATION IS OFF THE CHARTS. QUEERS LISTEN TO THIS SHOW. they have a nonbinary politician?? mlm romance and kiss in the first episode???? main character is nb with he/him pronouns??? SO MANY BADASS SAPPHIC SPY/MAFIA COUPLES.....IT TUGS AT MY HEART. the big strong guy is asexual??? i could go on for days but spoilers! just know that genuinely, you will not be disappointed.

this show has two main focuses/themes: trust and the future. it’s been so fantastic to see how juno and the other characters view both themes and how they changed themselves and/or others while encountering those themes in their everyday life.

ramses o’flaherty and the entire plotline that came with him was absolutely top-notch. it blew me away. ramses is a true complicated character, a grey area that makes you question everything you believe in. the storyline tackles politics, morals, and values while keeping it exciting and entertaining. it’s definitely one of my favorite storylines ever.

the writers are truly incredible. i’m really in awe. they inspire me!  i wish i had the energy right now to give them the praise essay that they deserve but i’m really tired and i want to get this posted. someday!

the worldbuilding is the perfect balance between two extremes that a lot of scifi authors really struggle with. juno explains how a (sort of) functioning mars city works in a way that feels natural and easy to understand, and the world he describes is both familiar and fascinating. although the environment is different, the audience is all too familiar with corruption and capitalism and classism. they keep the world relatable while giving it some really new and funky details (do i want a cat with six eyes and a stinger? of course! do i want to step outside for more than five hours and get radiation poisoning? that’s up for interpretation). they also chose a great route in making this story take place in the aftermath of (what seems to be) a galactic war instead of taking the traditional Save The World, End The War scifi route. it’s refreshing, and again, relatable (especially to me: i was born after 9/11 and have lived through the entirety of the war in afghanistan so the underlining feeling that hyperion city has that Something is Going To Go Wrong....i feel that).

there is so much more i want to say but this has been sitting in my drafts for weeks and i want to get it posted!

tl;dr: juno steel is really a fantastic work of art. it’s engaging and relatable and teaches valuable lessons about healing, trusting, and moving on in ways i have never seen another piece of media do so successfully. please give it a listen if you have a chance!

some character/character arc thoughts under the cut :)

juno:

god so dumb. just so fucking stupid. i love him.

i’m going to be honest. s1 and the beginning of s2 Juno was really hard for me to listen to. the way he treated others obviously was, to put it lightly, not the best (the monitor incident with rita comes to mind; i really hated that). it almost got repetitive, and since i’m already not a big fan of the depressed-asshole trope i was kind of hanging by a thread by the time ramses came around.

god am i glad i stuck around. his character growth and maturity within the second half of season two and the beginning of season three has been so satisfying! it hasn’t been perfect, but that’s part of the reason why it’s so good--it’s realistic and believable. he’s realized where his faults lie and is making a physical and mental effort to better himself. he’s even doing it verbally, explaining to people he trusts (rita) that he’s trying to be better and then actually acting on it. too often we see the depressed-asshole say the “i’m trying to be better!” line but don’t see any actions following it that signify that effort--that was my fear going into this. but that’s really, truly not the case here, and it’s such a breath of fresh air. plus, in-canon-wise, i’m so happy for juno he’s come so far!

okay nonbinary king i see you

GET THIS LADY A CAT PLEASE.

that moment during the end of s2 when he found that baby rabbit in the sewers.....god.

juno appreciate rita challenge (accepted!)

his voice......is so soothing. except when he yells but he’s better now we’ve established that

i LOVE how as soon as he figures out that he likes you he sticks to you like glue. that’s super funny and cute and also fits him perfectly

miss dahlia rose if you’re out there.....

his complicated relationship with ramses was so fascinating and important. i loved listening to that storyline.

juno: “there’s no way in hell i’m doing this, fuck off” juno, five minutes later: [is doing it]

that’s pretty much the beginning plot of every episode lol ur so valid juno we love u

he’s ability to make the dumbest decisions continues to astound me. he likes to talk about how mick is always getting himself in trouble but god juno you’re really not one to talk

the fact that, in a world that literally runs on tech, he has no idea how a coms works. that’s so fucking funny. if you ignore the backstory that comes behind it.

did juno ever tell alessandra that he made it out of the desert alive or is she just out there in hyperion city somewhere mourning him with her wife?

i already sort of wrote on juno’s backstory but it’s so good. so good.

he’s so fucking soft. he loves so much!!!! and that scares him!!!! but he’s working on it!!!!!

rita:

is she the love of my life or do i just relate heavily to her? who knows

actually no we’re gonna talk about this

rita penumbrapodcast, queen of adhd. queen of oversharing. queen of tangents. queen of love. queen of excitement. queen of caring for her friends more than herself. queen of incredible intelligence shown in an unconventional way. queen of being underappreciated.

s1 and the beginning of s2 really stung me because i’ve been in rita’s positon--used as a punching bag by someone i care deeply about because it’s better me than someone else, because i’m willing to sacrifice my own health and safety for the sake of giving them an outlet. we put it under the guise of “helping”, but we don’t realize until later that it’s really not; we’re just letting them get away with hurting themselves and hurting us. the monitor incident comes to mind again. i actually had to pause and take a step away after hearing juno yell and the glass break--although my abusive friendships thankfully never got violent, that kind of unbridled anger was all too familiar and i was begging out loud for her to leave. she handles it like a champ, and i honestly can’t say whether or not that’s a good or bad thing: good because she knows he doesn’t mean it or bad because she’s used to it? because it’s later revealed that juno’s treated her poorly from the first day they met. i was really worried that their relationship was going to end up being static, “depressed-asshole bullies quirky female sidekick and she never fights back because she loves him” trope. but, thankfully, they’re not!

towards the end of s2 and the beginning of s3 we didn’t just see growth in juno, we saw growth in rita. she confronts juno through a thetabot down in the sewers, calling him out on his self-destructive tendencies and his habit of doing important things without anyone else’s help (in this case, disappearing for weeks without telling her where he was). she points out that maybe the only way for him to appreciate her is for her to do the same thing--disappear for weeks, forcing him to realize just how much he needs her. thankfully, this is after juno’s Big Realization, and he sincerely apologizes for his treatment of her and assures her that he’s trying to be better. (and, side note, but that apology was a good one. a really good one. he verbally acknowledges his many mistakes, including the one rita specifically mentioned, acknowledges that he does not deserve her forgiveness, tells her what he’s trying to do to be better, and then apologizes and asks for her help. that’s good. take notes, people.) later that season, she takes initiative for what seems to be the first time, coming up with a solid, well-thought-out plan, enacting it on her own, and saving both an entire city and her boss. you could probably hear my cheers from wherever you are on earth, because they were there and they were loud! rita saving the day mixed with juno breaking through the mind control with his overwhelming love and appreciation for her.....god. good stuff.

rita buying juno’s office as a surprise for him.......i Will cry

literally she’s just so wonderful i love her so much

every time she talks i’m like [one billion heart emojis mixed with like forty crying emojis]

RITA SPINOFF WHEN. i come from the critical role community so yall know for a fact i’ll back it on kickstarter

once her and juno’s relationship reaches a healthy balance (and they’re already well on their way which i’m so happy about!) they’re going to be so good together. so powerful. the Ultimate cheery vs broody relationship (although juno is less broody at this point and more....gentle asshole. we love growth). they were unstoppable before, but now? god help the galaxy lol

the fact that rita can just casually hack into literally any system in the galaxy is so.......impressive? hot? yeah.

please get this woman a girlfriend and a cat

rita x franny xoxo

RITA BACKSTORY WHEN. PLEASE KEVIN AND SOPHIE PLEASE AS A RITA STAN I AM POLITELY BEGGING YOU.

rita is now in space, which is an interesting development. i just.....”rita in space” is not something i would have ever guessed at a week ago

wait oh my god.

i was sitting here thinking rita has some sort of trust fund/is secretly rich and that’s how she bought juno’s office and kept it afloat, but with the most recent episode’s developments it’s probably equally if not more likely that she either hacked into the nearest bank to give herself the creds needed or hacked the person she was buying it from to make it seem like she had made the payments. i literally adore her whoops

the little rita episodes make me so happy and i hope we get more of them!

tldr: i love her and she deserves the world and more, i’m glad her relationship with juno has changed into something a lot healthier with juno’s Realization mid-season-two, i hope she realizes the hero she already is in season three

peter:

.........oh how the turntables.

peter, season one: juno come with me so we can be together forever and travel the galaxy! i think i love you! juno: aw babe i wish i could but i’m sad and the city needs me :( peter, season three, when handed the opportunity to travel with a healing juno through the galaxy on a silver platter: actually fuck this lol i have One Job and it is to Only Think About My Current Assignment. this is smart and healthy.

this man.....this man right here officer. stole my fucking heart.

i don’t really have an essay for him because we haven’t seen enough of him to really gauge his character development beyond an obsession with debts and his aging. i’m guessing that will change this season though

the debts....what are they

can rita hack in and pay them off

god wouldn’t that be so funny. he spends his entire life trying to pay off these impossible debts and it’s stressing him out to the point where he feels he can’t focus on anything else. and one day he comes to the fam and explains everything and rita’s like “oh shit that’s easy i’ll take care of that right now!!! why didn’t you say something sooner” and hes like “what” and she’s like “yeah!” and he’s like “holy shit” and then he gets married to juno and they live happily ever after the end.

no but real talk

these debts. there’s a lot about them and the way he talks about them that really worries me. i feel like having them be simple money debt would be too easy, so maybe it’s something medical? that would explain both his obsession with his aging and his uncharacteristically excited reaction to the healing mother prime (i think that’s what it was whoops).

he also mentioned someone else before juno, someone that had some pretty strong romantic undertones. maybe they’re sick? but peter doesn’t seem like the type to throw away a relationship like that so quickly, so it doesn’t really match up that he would have someone sick and waiting for him but he’d still go after juno in season one. hmmm.

this one’s a real mystery lads. you think you have something figured out about peter nureyev but it just gives you more questions.

peter is the one mystery juno can’t solve. god, that’s good.

his voice is so good. i don’t remember who his voice actor is but they’re doing a fantastic job thank you!!!!

i actually don’t picture peter like how he’s portrayed in the official art and fanart? i wish i was an artist so i could draw him the way i see him but alas. (i still really like his official design tho!)

listen. you give me a mysterious thief that doesn’t exist and i am Forced to love him. i have a type.

thankfully peter seemed to come around during the most recent episode (s3e2 the man in glass) so i don’t think we’re going to get a repeat of season one. these debts, whatever they are, are definitely going to cause problems. i can’t wait to see what the writers do with this.

(my only fear is that it will end up fitting the “gay character has a sickness parallel to aids and it is incurable” trope. although the writers have so far done a fantastic job of writing queer characters and worlds as well as turning tropes on their heads, so even if it may seem like that’s the case in the beginning, i’ll most likely stick through it to see where they take it. i trust them).

peter i know you’ve never had a family in your life but. im gonna tell you a secret here. found family is cool and good and you’ll like it if you give it a chance.

i love him and as soon as i cut my hair short i’m gonna cosplay him. fashion king

peter nureyev makes me want to fall in love

watching (listening) to juno grow and mature was already fantastic, but to see it through the eyes of someone who respects him, cares for him, and loves him deeply? good lord.

the way peter talks about juno.....yeah.

and peter as an individual....WOW. master thief, yes wow impressive! but his growth is already focusing so much on trust and it’s been written so well. i can’t wait to see how much he continues to grow and learn to trust this season!!!

i would love to see him continue to narrate s3. i think it’s a really strong change of pace and it also puts some extra emphasis on juno’s growth while focusing on peter’s motivations and inner thoughts. i’m genuinely fine either way tho!

tl;dr: i love u emo boy i love u i love u

[beauregardance]

Why Rewrite?

I’m rewriting cover my skin (Sun-Kissed Light) due partially to becoming more conscious about what kind of mlm fanfiction I’m writing (as a cis-woman outside of the mlm community) and whether or not it contributes to homophobic fujoshi-esque tropes of torture porn. I’ve elaborated more on it under in this post.

Since I’ve already explained my feelings there, I won’t be talking more about it unless anyone else has questions, which I will gladly answer.

Now more on the logistics!

Confessions:

1. I did not intend for it to be a long fanfic. In fact, I went out seeking 3 chapters. And then 5. And then? Indefinite. Which leads me to my second point.

2. I had no plot.

No really, I didn’t. I had absolutely no idea where I was going with it, and my continuity errors (though I fixed them on rereads) were examples of this meandering. I had no idea who Beatrice was. I was going to cross that bridge when I got to it.

3. Unrelated subplots. 

I had no main plot, but I had too much going on the background that I wasn’t committed to exploring, and it’s very visible on a reread now. Examples include: 

Piper/Reyna, which, shame on me, wasn’t explored enough or properly!

Bianca di Angelo - which YIKES veered into ableist depictions because I had no idea what kind of illness she had and that’s already a red-flag. To understand better: Koogi from Killing Stalking not having researched BPD, and saying that she characterized Sangwoo as “not normal” and it happened to “fit” with BPD. Mental illnesses does not mean someone is unable to function in society, like I wrote in with Bianca. That shit was not okay, and I was 18 when I wrote that, not 14. I’m owning up to my mistakes now.

Hazel’s mom. What was she doing? Why was she estranged? Why is she absent from the family picture? I remember it was an important part of the story...but how? I had no idea what she did in this fanfiction to be honest. That piece was not fleshed out.

Octavian. He was going to be a subplot of the story that dealt with bullying but I don’t even think I thought more about that than beyond the first introduction.

Drew Tanaka. Who is she? Why? What does it have to do with this? What was I planning with her character? Obviously I knew I wanted to redeem her, but that’s pretty much it.

Percy Jackson. He appeared in like two chapters and disappeared. I don’t think I wanted to do anything with his character except to show that Nico’s interest was switching over, but it still didn’t make a lot of sense.

4. The main characters themselves were not fleshed out.

Yes, they are already existing characters that don’t need to be fleshed out because RR has already done it. But. BUT. That is no excuse to write them blandly without any hints of AU. That’s what an AU is - they’re slightly different depending on their circumstances. That’s why Nico is a Levesque! Yet there’s nothing to be said about aspirations, dream jobs, futures. The only thing we know is that Will is going to an Ivy League school for the life sciences. That’s it. And that’s not enough. I knew Hazel was in college, but where? What is she studying? And Reyna is practically a blank slate. She cares deeply about Nico and is a Big Lesbian, which is great, but she needs more development. Piper - oh Piper. Why is she so casual about Jason having cheated on her? Did she never love him in the first place? Was she in love with Reyna the whole time but was scared due to going to a conservative school? Unfortunately, I knew I had never planned on expanding these questions, and she would always be relegated to the detective girlfriend role with no depth of her own.

5. The School / Geography

No layouts. Nothing. The only thing keeping track of the story for me was labeling the top of each chapter with the week day it took place (e.g. Monday, Tuesday etc) in my document. I had no school layouts - which okay, can be overlooked since school was almost over, but I spent 20k words in that school. Some people write a whole tragedy in 20k. Basically, when you spend that much time, there needs to be some sort of layout. Something to structure it. I had absolutely no structure.

While speaking about the school, why is it so intensely homophobic? I had written it in just for the sake of homophobia but it doesn’t sit right with me. Yes, people can be just homophobic but there’s something wrong about this.

I also had no sense of where this was taking place. The suburbs was my assumption, but it could easily be the city. Anyways, main point is: needs more development.

Now onto the writing aspect:

1. 20k words, and nothing happens.

Literally...nothing happens. I used to make fun of Twilight but....literally nothing happens in it, which is why it was dragging on so long. Part of it has to do with the fact that I didn’t know what I was going towards.

2. The purple prose is everywhere.

The reason why it’s so long and nothing happens is because there is so much purple prose. At the time I thought I was being touchingly poetic. When I reread it last week, it was too much. So many descriptions and feelings that could be cut. So many little details that took away from the scene and distracted the reader. Yes, while it was poetic, it also felt like a try-too-hard poetry, like I was forcing something out that didn’t want to be written.

3. This post.

I think this says everything about writing on abuse. I was talking in the negatives all the time. Nico was in a constant state of emptiness with no let up, no presence of anything replacing his security.

4. It doesn’t interest me anymore.

Mainly because I had no plot to begin with. Something needed to change before I could go back to it. I couldn’t keep writing chapter nine like I wasn’t feeling all of these things.

5. There was so much stalling, not a slow build or a slow burn. Just stalling.

This also had to do with not knowing where the plot was. I was putting off so many things because I didn’t know what to do with them. The main plot, I didn’t know where to go. The sub-plots - they were also a lost cause. I also knew I didn’t want Will and Nico to get together that early. But in the midst of trying to write a slow burn, it doesn’t read like a slow burn. And I think what’s essential about this fanfic is that it needs to be a slow burn. That’s the whole focus of this fanfiction. The fact that it doesn’t read like one makes it, frankly, kind of boring to read.

6. Falling in Love?

Because...it doesn’t feel like it. It’s abrupt, comes out of nowhere, and yes fanfiction can be unrealistic, but I was kind of aiming at some semblance of realism here. The gradual love didn’t feel real enough, which is why on a reread, I couldn’t invest in Will and Nico. That’s also why it didn’t feel like a slow burn. Because I didn’t buy that Nico was falling in love with Will and vice versa.

That’s all she wrote for now. 

Now what can I do with all of these notes I have for myself? Well quite simply - change it up - find the plot - retcon, and dig deeper with this story that I’ve only been skimming the surface with. Which is why I’m going to be uploading my old chapters onto my tumblr for archiving while I update with newer chapters. Some subplots are going to be retconned (you can count on the Bianca subplot disappearing because it’s disrespectful af!), replaced, or entirely made anew. So what’s going to change about the new rewrite? Is it going to be basically the same? Well yes...but also no. We’ll see when we get there ;) sketch out the entire plot! But yes, I do have a basic idea of what is going to say, and a hint to what happens in five words is: The Winter’s Tale - William Shakespeare. Take what you may from that!

ARCHIVES

Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight