#i love life sometimea | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

katuschka · 28 days ago

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Hey, that opening argument was FIRE!

And the idea that sometimea you have to wait and/or spend some time apart, even when it's the love of your life? Brilliant. I know that too well.

Old Flame

Summary: After a failed marriage comes to its end, Jake finds himself on the doorstep of an old flame. One he learns he never should have let go out. Characters: Jake Kiszka x Anna Word Count: 8.1k Warnings: 18+ || Language. Adult Themes. Adult Sexual Themes. Angst. Divorce. Affair. Yelling. Arguing. Throwing things. Tears. Self doubt. Ultimatums. Toxicity. Broken and strained relationships. Smut. Sex. Penetrative sex. Fluff. Soft Jake. (as always let me know what I missed so I can add it to the list)

Jake swiped his pen over the documents, signing each one with a ballpoint pen. He scoffed to himself as he dropped the pen to the granite countertop and slid the papers across the smooth service away from him. They had only been married for a year before she made the first move towards a divorce. Why? She just didn't want to be tied down. Whatever the fuck that meant. Due to their prior agreements, she got half off his money in the end.

Sliding off the barstool, he walks over to the drink cart in the living room and pours himself a drink.

“Just because this happened, doesn't mean we can’t be–” She tried to speak before he cut her off.

“We can’t be anything.” He says, lifting the glass to his lips to take a drink.

“I still love you..”

Jake rolls his eyes and lowers the glass, staring at it as he runs his index ring over the top of it. “I’m starting to think you don’t know what love is.” He says, trying to remain calm, but the anger courses through his body and suddenly he’s throwing the glass in her direction. Much to his surprise, she dodges it and the glass collides with the wall, breaking into many small pieces. “I gave you everything!” He shouts. “Not once have you ever given me anything in return!”

“I agreed to marry you!”

“Oh fuck off!” He spats. “You make it sound as if I had forced your hand. You had a choice, May! You could have said no and we wouldn't be here.”

“But I loved you when I said yes, I thought I saw a future with you.”

Jake scoffs once more, rolling his eyes again. “What changed then? Did I not pleasure you well enough?”

“That is not the reason.”

“No?” He nods his head in a sarcastic manner. “So then tell me who that man was you would sneak in here while I was away..” May’s face drains of color and he dryly laughs. “You thought I wouldn't know you had been having an affair? The reason you didn't want to be “tied down”? You love me… Ha!” He shakes his head and starts to walk in her direction. He stops just a few inches from her and leans down to speak in her ear. “I hope he’s worth it because as soon I walk out that door, you get nothing more from me. No more of my money and certainly no more of my body. Do not come crawling back to me when his dick doesn't satisfy you anymore.”

Walking away from her, he grabs his belongings he packed up prior to the signing and leaves the house without one single look back. Though he hid his true feelings behind a wall of crood words and hatred, his heart was breaking from within. The woman he had loved for several years–the one he proclaimed his love for in front of a church full of their cherished loved ones–had the guts to stab him in the back by betraying the vows they had promised one another. Sleeping with another man and she was the shocked one? She should have known that he would have found out sooner or later.

He was grateful for the divorce in a way. He no longer had to hide in the shadows, watching as this man fucked his wife in their bed, a bed they had made love to each other for years. A bed that was stained with their love–or whatever they had then. Now it didn't feel as if it were love. Now it just felt as if he was used. His money, his body. He gave her everything and yet she betrayed him and gave her body to someone else.

For weeks all he could hear in his head were her moans penetrating the walls that first night he caught them together. They must not have heard him arrive back home because he could hear them from the front door. He had to fight back the urge to storm into that bedroom and fight the man who had the nerve to sleep with a married woman–his wife. But then the puzzle pieces fell into place–one by one–as he pieced together the truth. A truth she had been hiding from him. The decency she thought she had to lie to his face, claiming to have missed him while he was away.

He thought it would end if he could prove to her that he was the better man–her husband. So every night since he came home from a six month long tour, he would fuck her however she wanted him to and wherever. Anything to prove that he was still worthy of her and to prove that she didn't need to find pleasure from someone else’s body.

Until he came to the realization that no matter how often he fucked her or how he did it, he would never replace the man that she really desired. The diamond ring on her finger didn't stop her from tainting their marriage.

Instead of the love he had once felt for her is now the hatred that had been burning in the pit of his stomach for months.

As he drove, his mind wandered to someone else. Someone that he hasn't seen in years since she went away for a job opportunity in Seattle. Though she was back in Nashville, he still hadn't seen her, having been so focused on the band and trying to save his marriage. But he still remembered the way to her home, the same home she kept even after she moved, knowing she would one day come back.

If he were to show up to her house, would she want to see him? Would she let him in? The way things ended between them wasn't as drastic as his failed marriage has ended now, but they also didn't end on good terms either.

The one fight.

Words spewed at each other that neither of them meant but still cut them both so deeply.

He had begged her to stay, that he could provide for both of them and she wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore. But it wasn't worry that she felt. It was desire. She craved freedom in the moment, not wanting to be tied down just yet.

Sensing a theme yet?

Of course she loved him, she had never loved someone quite like she loved Jake. She had dreams and plans of marrying him someday but it just wasn't the right time. Though she had dreams of marrying him, she also had dreams of building this career for herself and having something that was hers. At the time, he didn't quite understand that. He didn't understand that she was an independent woman, not wanting to rely on someone else to take care of her.

They broke up the night before she was to leave for Seattle and they hadn't spoken since. He didn't see her off at the airport, he never called or sent texts, nor did she either. They both aimed to forget about each other, thinking it would numb the pain. In time it did, he fell in love with someone new and so did she–for a little while. It didn't last because she knew her heart still belonged to Jake.

Pressing his finger into the doorbell, the sound of it echoes inside and he takes a step back. He left his things in his car, unsure of how this might play out for him. A few minutes ticked by and he was going to reach for the doorbell again when the door opened. In front of him and still looking as beautiful as he last saw her, stood his first ever true love. Though they were mid-thirties, not quite at the stage where they should be growing gray hair, he could see a few strands lining her forehead. Her eyes still held the same sparkle he used to see before, only now they were shielded by a thin pane of glass.

Anna.

“Jake?” Her voice shakes slightly as she stares at him in surprise. Her face had slowly grown pale as if she had seen a ghost.

He nods his head, unable to form words to speak. Seeing her after all the years, his breath was somehow still taken from his body. He felt the urge to pull her into his arms, to hold her once more, but he fought against it, knowing it wouldn't be wise to do such a thing.

“What are you doing here?” She asks.

“I got divorced..” He finally manages to say.

Instantly, she’s pulling him inside the house and shutting the door. Lifting her glasses, she rests them on the top of her head. “Divorce? Has it even been that long?”

He shakes his head. “I saw it coming, despite how hard I tried to keep it at bay.”

She leads him further into the home and into the kitchen. Passing through the hall, he notices the pictures on the walls have remained the same. He stopped walking when he saw a framed photo of the two of them. He remembers exactly where they were when that photo was captured.

“Jake, I don’t know about this..” She says as he helps her up to the top of the tower. “You know I don’t do well with heights.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you.” Jake says as he slowly walks her over to the ledge. “Just don’t look down.”

“Gee, why didn’t I think of that?”

“Look at the view,” He says. “Imagine living in a castle as grand as this used to be with this perfect view of the ocean.”

“I think I’d rather stay closer to the ground.”

Jake chuckles, wrapping his arms around her from behind and kissing her cheek. “Let’s stay just like this forever..”

“Want anything to drink?” Looking away from the picture, he turns towards the kitchen. She’s standing by the fridge, holding the door open. “I have milk, orange juice, and tequila in the freezer.”

“I probably shouldn't drink..” He says as he walks into the kitchen.

“What did you do?” She asks, already knowing something had occurred before he left his house.

“I may have thrown a glass…at May..” He mumbles as he slides onto a bar stool, keeping his eyes anywhere but hers.

“Jacob…” She sighs.

“I know, I know.. I let my anger get out of control..” He says, before burying his head in his hands. “How did my life get so bad? I thought we were happy.. I gave her everything I had… She took most of my money too in the agreement…”

“Do you need help?” She asks.

Jake nods his head. “No… I still have plenty.. The bands are still making money plus all of the side projects I have going on. I’m steady for now and I’ll be getting more once the house sells.”

“You’re selling the house?”

Jake nods his head and takes the glass of water that she slid across the countertop to him. “Also a part of the agreement.”

“Oh…”

“I don’t want to sell it, but I have no choice..” He says. “That place holds a lot of memories..” He glances up at her and she looks away. “But that’s all it is.. A house full of memories.. There’s nothing for me to hold onto anymore.”

“I always wondered what you did with it when I left..” She says. “Is that hole still in the wall in your office where your guitar fell?”

Jake scoffs, nodding his head. “I still haven't gotten it fixed.”

“The wall or the guitar?”

“The wall..of course,” He smiles. “Probably should get it fixed before the house goes on the market.”

“Isn’t she still going to be there?”

“I hear the tone of disdain,” Jake smirks. “And you don't even know why we’re divorcing.”

“Judging by the state you’re in, she’s the reason for it.” Anna says as she leans against the countertop. “What’d she do? Spill the tea.”

Jake chuckles and takes a drink of water. “May was having an affair.. Was going on for months while I was away. Caught them when I came home. I didn’t know what to do so I left.”

“But you really wanted to do something else, didn’t you?”

Jake nods his head. He takes another drink before continuing. “I wanted to storm up there and beat the shit out of him. She was married–she was my wife. He had to have known all of that. The pictures on the walls and our dresser should have been a clear indication but I just knew he ignored it all.”

“But instead you left..”

“Yeah.. Ended up crashing on Danny’s couch until I was sure they weren’t fucking anymore..”

“Did Danny ever question you?”

Jake shakes his head, folding his hands together in front of him. “I know he had his suspicions but he never pushed to ask me about it.”

“Then what happened?”

“I went home the next morning–pretended that my flight had been delayed and my phone was dead so I couldn't call to let her know.. She lied so well, I truly think she started to believe herself–but I knew the truth, I knew everything.”

“And Josh doesn't know about this?”

“No… I haven't said a thing about this to him. I kept pretending to everyone that our marriage was good–that we were good. I didn’t want to be a disappointment to the family..”

“You’re not a disappointment,” Anna says, shaking her head. “You tried to make your marriage work, but there's only so much you could do.”

“He’ll only say ‘I told you so’.. He never liked May from the start and he made damn sure that I knew that. He didn't even come to the wedding.” He could see Anna’s jaw drop ever so slightly, shocked that Josh would pull something like that. “Yeah… He was supposed to be my best man but never showed up so Sam stepped in at the last minute. We haven't spoken since…”

“Wait..” Anna says, waving her hands in the air in front of her. “You haven't spoken since the wedding? That was what…”

“Over a year ago..” Jake mutters.

“Wow.. I’ve never known you two to go more than maybe a week without talking to each other and that’s even when you’re just busy..”

Jake shrugs his shoulders and takes another drink of his water. “The band’s on a hiatus to give everyone a break for a little while.. Haven't really had the need to talk to each other..”

“Jake, I’m sorry…”

“I’m not..” He grumbles. “He made his choice.. I’m over it.”

“You don't seem like it,” Anna said as she walked around the island and sat on a stool beside him. “Is that why you came here–because you can’t go to him?”

“I wouldn't have gone to him regardless..” Jake says. “I came here because…” His voice trails off. He honestly didn't know why he came here. She just came to his mind. “I don't know..” He looked at her and for once he felt comfortable with himself. He didn't feel any judgment from her or even pity. He was on neutral ground, no one to scold him, no one telling him ‘I told you so’, and definitely no one making him feel like he isn’t good enough to their husband.

“Well I’m glad you did,” She says with a beaming smile. “I’ve been wondering how you’ve been–though now I guess I do now,” She laughs. “Sorry.. I’m not laughing at you..”

A smile twitches at the corners of Jake’s mouth. “I’ve been wondering about you too,” He says. “We haven't seen or spoken to each other since…”

“We broke up.” She finishes for him.

“Yeah..” He says, looking back at the glass of water sitting in his hand. “Anna, I’m sorry..” He starts. “We ended on not-so-good terms and I apologize.. I know I said some hurtful things–things I didn’t even mean and–”

“Jake, there’s no need to apologize,” Anna says, resting her hand on his shoulder. This wasn't the same feeling as when she pulled him inside the house, but this time he felt her.

“We both said things neither of us meant,” She continued. “Can I be honest?” Jake turns his head back to look at her. “I wish we didn't end at all..”

“What?”

“I should have fought harder but I knew you weren't going to budge.”

“Why didn't you ever call?”

“Because I was too stubborn.. I wanted to prove to you that I could survive without you.”

Jake sighs, allowing his head to drop. “I shouldn't have said that to you. I knew you would, I guess I just wanted you to feel like you couldn't because I was too stubborn myself to let you walk away so easily. I thought if I could manipulate you into believing you couldn't, then you’d stay. I guess now that’s my problem.. I tried to do the same with May.. I tried to make her believe that I was better than the man she was sleeping with..”

“I don't think that would be manipulation on her, Jake.. I think it was more of you trying to believe that you could be better. If you just did all the same things he did, maybe then she’d stay.”

“I could never be like him.. I don't even know why I tried..”

“Because you loved her..”

“Love shouldn't be used as manipulation.”

“No, you’re right.” Anna says, nodding her head. “We do things we shouldn't do because not only can love be a good thing, but it also can be used as a weapon.. And if we misuse it, we end up changing what it’s really meant to be.”

“I’m sorry..” He says. “I abused it and I abused you.”

Anna shakes her head. “None of that.. I’ve moved past it.” She then slides off the stool and places her hands on her hips. “Since you’re here, think you can help me with something?”

Jake furrows his eyebrows but follows her anyways to the second floor. She stops in front of a door and turns around to face him. “I haven't touched this room since we broke up and I left for Seattle.”

“Okay?”

Anna twists the knob and pushes the door open. His eyebrows perk up when he sees most of his things still in the same places they had been before. One of his guitars was lying on the couch, old song sheets he had been filling up were still sprawled out on the coffee table. Though the candles were long since burnt out, they still sat in the same spots around the room. This room has remained the same for the last several years and though they never lived together, he spent a lot of time here with her, especially in this room.

“You haven't touched any of this?” He asks as he steps into the room.

Anna shakes her head. “No.. Could never bring myself to.” She says. “It held a lot of good memories in here, I was too broken at the time to part with any of it.”

“I’m surprised you never gave me this back,” Jake says as he picks up the guitar from the couch. “Probably needs some tuning,” He says, sitting down on the couch and strumming chords. They sounded completely out of tune and he chuckled. “Definitely needs a tune up.”

Anna smiles and leans against the door. “Are any of those songs still good?” She asks, nodding her head towards the music sheets.

Jake leans over to the coffee table and picks up one of the sheets. “It’s possible,” He says. “I’m sure I could find a place for them.”

The doorbell rings and Jake lowers the paper. “Sorry,” Anna sheepishly grins. “I did order food before you showed up.”

“And I am intruding,” Jake says, standing up from the couch and setting the guitar down.

“No, no!” Anna says as they leave the room. “Definitely not intruding.” She goes to the door to get food, thanking the delivery person, and bringing it to the kitchen. “I may have ordered enough food for at least two people,” She giggles. “I’m starving. So please stay if you’re hungry.”

“I don’t think I-”

“I want you to,” Anna says. “Come on, eat some food and hang out. Get your mind off of things for a little while.”

“You actually want me to stay?”

Anna nods her head and begins to pull the food boxes out of the bags. “I’ve missed having you around.” Jake can’t fight the smile that forms on his face.

To him it felt like an hour had passed, but when he glances at the clock on the wall in the living room, he sees that it’s been at least four since he had come here. All of the talking while they ate just made it seem like it hadn’t been that long. “Have to head out?”

“I don’t know, should I?” He says, looking at her with a bit of a coy look in his eyes.

Anna smiles before pushing herself up off the floor. “Stay a little longer.” She says. “Like I said.. I’ve missed you.” She starts to pick up the empty food containers and puts them back into the paper bags.

The music playing through the speaker changes as Anna is leaving the living room. Jake sits up and listens to it as it plays the beginning notes. Without a single thought or the urge to resist, Jake springs off the floor and heads into the kitchen where he finds Anna tossing the trash into the can beside the island.

“Remember when we used to dance to this song?” He asks.

“Yeah.. I remember.” She says. “Except you’d be wearing a little less clothing.”

Jake chuckles, reaching his arms around her waist. “I’ll stop if you tell me to.” He says, pulling her closer. Her hands press against his chest, and he expects her to push him away but instead she slides her hands to his shoulders. “I didn’t know that I’d miss this, but I guess I do.”

“Oh come on, you can’t tell me that you and May never danced like this?”

Jake shakes his head. “Never.. Always said it was too mushy for her.”

“I’m convinced she isn’t real.”

“Oh she was plenty real,” Jake says. “Just not the romantic type, I guess. We only danced once and that was at the wedding.”

“I am shocked,” Anna giggles. “And you married her because..”

Jake chuckles and spins them both slowly. “I thought I loved her.. I thought she loved me too..”

Soon the song ends and moves on to a lighter, more upbeat song, but they still stand there looking at each other. Jake clears his throat and they both pull away. “Ahem.. Well, I should probably get going,” He says. “I took up enough of your day.”

“Just so you can go stay in a hotel room?” Anna says as she grabs his jacket.

“Anna, give me my jacket.” Anna shakes her head and backs away. “Anna, I’m being serious. Give me it.”

“You are not going anywhere.” She says as she keeps backing away.

“Are you going to hold me hostage?”

“Would that be such a bad thing?”

She got him there. It honestly wouldn't be bad to be held captive by his ex-girlfriend. Someone he truly did love–and still might. Anna winks and takes off running upstairs.

“Not the stairs..” He grumbles as he runs up them as well. Reaching the too of the stairs, he sees her standing outside of her bedroom and shaking his jacket lightly in the air. “Anna, come on. Please give me my jacket.” He says as he walks down the hallway.

“Promise you’ll stay?”

He sighs, stopping in front of her. “I really need to go. Anna, please?”

“Why are you in such a rush to get out of here?” She asks. “Has it really been that bad?”

“Anna..”

“Why’d you even come here then?”

“It’s not like that, I loved being here, but I just got divorced and I can’t just rebound so fast.”

“Rebound?”

Jake mentally smacked his forehead as he sighed. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I am not a rebound, Jake. I don’t want you to stay so I can sleep with you again. I wanted you to stay because it’s a lot better than staying in a crappy hotel. And besides, I’m not the rebound,” She says, crossing her arms over her chest. “She was..”

Jake’s lips twitch at the corners as he begins to smirk. “Were you jealous of her?”

“Pfft, jealous? Please. At least my body’s real.” Jake’s jaw fell slack in disbelief he ever heard her utter such words. He’s never heard her speak ill of anyone, she always kept it to herself. “What?” Anna shrugs her shoulders. “There were times that I wondered why you ever fell in love with her?”

“You thought about me?”

“Yeah.. But mostly about why you were so stupid to want to be with someone like her.”

“You’re sounding like Josh.”

“Yes well, at least I’m talking to you.”

Jake scoffs and leans against the wall. “I wasted all those years with her, when I could have just been fighting to get you back.” He says.

“So why didn’t you?”

“I figured you still hated me,” He says. “We were so mean to each other at the end, I just thought you wouldn't want to talk to me–or even see me.”

“Instead you got together with May.”

Jake nods his head. “At the time I thought I was doing the right thing–moving on. I saw you had, so why shouldn’t I? I kept telling myself that I was better off without you and I could prove that to you. At first it was just a means to rub it in your face, but then I actually started to fall for her. She was sweet then, so kind to everyone, even my family.”

“Except Josh..”

“Yeah, except him. He never came around if she was with me.. I didn't get why he was, but now I see it. It’s because of her we don’t speak anymore. I don’t think we ever will.”

“Did it end that badly between you two?”

“It was so stupid..”

Now they were seated on the floor in the hallway while the music still played downstairs, the sound slightly muffled through the floor. Anna still had his jacket, keeping it resting on her lap as he talked.

“Karma smacked me right in the face when he gave me an ultimatum.. It was either him–or her. Kind of how I gave you an ultimatum before we broke up.. Me or your career..”

Anna could still remember that day like it was yesterday. They were in his bedroom, screaming at each other, trying to get their own words to be heard over the other. It was a useless fight because they knew what would be happening in the end.

“Jake, I really want to do this. I want to have my own career, make more money so that we can live well.”

“We are living well! My band is making so much revenue and with these side projects and extra jobs I’ve been helping with, I’m making more than enough to take care of us both! I don’t get why you want to start a career!”

“Jake, I want to also be my own person! I’m tired of being only known as ‘Jake’s girlfriend’, I want my own identity back! And this is how I’m going to do it, with or without you!”

“Fine.. The choice is yours then.. It’s either me or your fucking career.”

“You’re making me choose?! I can’t have both?!”

“Me or your career..” He says before walking out of the bedroom.

“I realized it wasn’t fair of me to do that.”

“Ultimately we choose the thing that would ruin the best things in our lives,” Anna says. She shifts her body around so she can sit beside him against the wall. “I chose my career and we broke up. You chose May and now your relationship with Josh is severed… Is that why the band is on a hiatus?”

Jake nods his head. “Josh told our management that the band had “differences that needed to be worked out” so for the time being, the band is on a hiatus until Josh and I fix shit between us. Which is fine.. I have other things to work on..”

“But that band was your dream, Jake. Don’t just give it up because you and Josh are in a tiff.”

Jake shrugs his shoulders. “My dream already came true, Anna. Maybe it’s a sign to just move on. We’ve accomplished a lot already.”

“You never struck me as a quitter,” Anna says.

“People change..” He says as he starts to fidget with the button on his shirt. “I gave up on my marriage.. I gave up on you..”

“Your marriage was no fault of your own.”

“And you?” He inquires, turning his head to look at her.

“I gave up on you first,” She says, lowering her head so she’s looking down at her lap. “I made my choice.”

“All because I made you make one,” He says.

“It’s in the past,” She says. “I’m more mature now.”

“Oh are you?” He chuckles.

Anna nods her head, smiling, and looks back up at him. “I’ve learned that my own happiness comes first above everything else. I’ll fight for what I want and I won’t take no for an answer.”

“Is that why you made me chase you for my coat? You won’t let me leave?”

“You still have a choice, but I’d prefer if you stayed.”

“Why must I stay?”

“Like I said earlier.. I’ve missed you.” She says.

“I’m only going to a hotel. It’s not like I can't come back.”

He can come back. She knows he’ll come back, but she wants him to stay. Stay here with her. She lost him once already, she doesn't want to again. Since he showed up on her porch that afternoon, all she could think about was finally getting her second chance with him. She has to know if this is meant to be, if fate is trying to correct their mistakes, realign their paths.

“Just stay here. Besides, my bed is so much more comfortable.”

“I don’t know.. Hotel beds are pretty comfy.” Anna flings his jacket at him and he laughs. “Thanks for the offer,” He says. He stands to his feet and helps her up as well.

She takes him by surprise, flinging her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. She feels his arms wrap around her waist, hugging her back. “I have Egyptian cotton..” She whispers in his ear.

He chuckles, pulling away slightly so he can get a better look at her. “You just won't give up, will you?” Anna shakes her head and he sighs. “Fine.”

A storm raged outside, heavy winds and rain. The rain pounded on the windows as the wind whistled and blew. But what woke Anna from a deep sleep was the loud crack of thunder, loud enough to shake the whole damn house. She jolted awake, sitting upright with her hand coming to rest on her chest. As she takes in deep breaths to calm her body, she feels a hand slide over the top of her thigh and soon Jake is sitting up to her. The feeling of his hand on her leg sent goosebumps flaring on her body.

“Remember the angels bowling?”

“I’m not five,” Anna says as she lays back down in bed.

Jake follows and turns over to face her. Even in the dark he can still see how beautiful she is. Whenever the lightning flashes, though she cringes with every strike, it first lights up her eyes showing the immense beauty of them. Those radiant brown eyes that always seemed to bring him comfort whenever he looked into them. He never compared his exes to each other but he began to realize that he never felt the same way when looking into May’s eyes. Sure they were a beautiful shade of blue, but they only reminded him of the ocean, raging and chaotic. Though that was May’s nature.

With Anna, she was always calm, unless prompted otherwise. He always knew the moment her eyes grew a shade darker that she was not happy. He quickly learned her boundaries and knew what made her tick and what made her explode. He knew what annoyed her and what pissed her off. He knew her like the back of his hand.

“You’re staring at me..” She says, drawing him out of his head.

“Sorry..” He mutters, turning back over to lay on his back.

“Jake?”

“Hm?”

“Have you ever thought about what our lives would have been like if we didn't break up?”

“I think we would have been miserable,” He says. “If you had chosen me over your career, I think it would have been rough. You’d resent me and I wouldn't have blamed you.”

“Would you have still loved me?”

“I don't think I could ever stop,” He says. “I don't think I ever did.. Would you have still loved me?”

“No..”

“Oh..”

“Let me explain why,” She says. “It wouldn't have been the love that I felt for you romantically, I would have felt it like I do with any other person that I love. I would have resented you truthfully, I was beginning to feel that way when you made me choose between you and my career. I couldn't understand why it was “either or” instead of “both”. I hated you for making me choose because either choice I made, I would lose something that’s important to me. When I chose my career, I lost you.”

“I’m here now..”

“Jake..”

“Just hear me out..” He says. “And don’t deny that you thought the same thing.. I think this was meant to happen,” He turns back over to face her again and grabs hold of her hand. “We needed to grow apart in order to grow separately. Whatever fucking lesson the universe was trying to teach me, I think I learned it. Anna, I still love you and being with you today? I just felt like I was back where I belonged. I felt like I was home. Dancing with you in the kitchen, I missed that terribly. I missed being close to you and I missed touching you, loving you, making love to you. I wanted to kiss you so badly at that moment but I had a feeling it wasn't the right time. And I know you feel the same because I could see it when you look at me.”

“All you had to say was that you missed me too.” Anna says, turning her head to look at me. “I’ve been telling you that this whole time.”

Jake moves a little closer and turns her head, caressing her cheek in his palm. “Please don’t tell me to stop.”

Anna slightly shakes her head, “I wished you would have kissed me when we were dancing,” She says. “Just like we used to.”

When their lips touched, it felt as if they were brought back to the beginning. The initial sensation one feels for the first time when they know they’ve fallen in love.

Jake’s hand moves from her face and down to her hips, pulling her closer to his body as their kissing deepens and grows more heated. Even as their lungs burned and begged for air, they refused to pull apart. That is until Jake really couldn't breathe and reluctantly gave in. His chest heaved as his heart pounded beneath his ribcage. He hadn't realized her hand was on the side of his face until she rubbed her thumb over his cheek bone.

“You said you missed making love,” She says. “No one could ever love me like you did.”

“Are you asking or just talking?”

“I’m asking,” She says. “Please?”

“You know I would never deny you,” He says, slipping his hand beneath the fabric of her pajama pants, first squeezing her hand, making her giggle.

Jake wakes up to an empty bed beside him, the sun filtering in through the half open curtains. Downstairs he can hear a couple voices, one of which is Anna’s. Changing back into his clothes, he quietly slips out of the room and heads to the top of the stairs. He knows he shouldn't be eavesdropping, an invasion of privacy.

“You never met her..” He hears Josh’s voice.

Josh? He’s here?

“Sounds like I didn't need to,” Anna giggles. “But come on.. He’s your brother.”

“And? He made no effort to fix things.”

“How could he?” Anna says. She hands the warm tea to Josh and sits beside him on the couch. “You have to let him speak to you… I know you miss him..”

Josh looks down at the tea in his hands. “Yeah.. I do,” He says. “But he has to have understood why I did what I did.”

“I think he does..”

“Sucks that a divorce was what made him realize it..” Josh grows quiet again and takes a drink of his tea. “Is he here?”

Anna nods her head. “He’s asleep upstairs,” She says.

“How did he end up here anyways?”

Anna shrugs her shoulders. “I don't know, but I’m glad he did.”

“Second chance?”

“Can that happen?”

Josh takes another drink of his tea before turning his body on the couch to face Anna. “I think so,” He says. “And I’m not just saying that because I think you’re better for him. I say that because somehow he came to you when he could have just gone back to sleeping on Danny’s couch.”

“You knew?” He knew?

“Danny texted me asking if I knew what was going on. Obviously I didn’t know what was going on. I still don’t. I mean.. I know he’s divorced.. I saw May’s post online, flaunting herself all on some guy.”

Leaving the stairs, Jake goes back to the room and grabs his phone off of the nightstand. Sure enough, the top photo on her profile was of her locking lips with the same guy she was having an affair with. Without a doubt the whole world already knows about the divorce that was only just made “official” last night. It hasn’t even been finalized with the lawyers and she’s already flaunting her “new” relationship on the internet.

Not wanting to see her again..ever..he blocked her on everything and tossed his phone onto the bed.

“I told you he was awake!” He hears Josh shout. Looking up he sees his brother standing in the doorway of the bedroom. “Twin telepathy, she still doesn't believe me.” He says as he enters the room.

“I’m surprised you’re here,” Jake says.

“I originally went to your house when I heard about the divorce.”

Jake scoffs. “It’s all over the internet..”

“That too,” He says. “Mom called as well.”

“Fantastic..” Jake grumbles.

“What prompted this to happen anyways?”

“Turns out I’m not who she wanted to be with..” He says. “So you were right, go ahead and gloat.”

“I wouldn't do that,” Josh says. “Despite how much I want to. I know you loved her.”

“I did.. Until I found out she was having an affair.” Jake goes to sit back down on the bed. “I caught her when I got back home from a work trip.. She didn't know I was back so I left and stayed with Danny.”

“That explains it,” Josh says as he sits beside Jake. “Mom’s worried. You might want to call her.”

Jake shakes her head. “I don't want to talk to anyone…”

“Why? The divorce wasn't your fault, it wasn’t even your choice.”

“Doesn't matter Josh, I’m a failure.”

“You are not a fail-”

“Yes, I am!” Jake exclaims as he stands up from the bed. “Apparently sex with me isn't great and I’m not a good enough husband.”

“That’s not true.”

“No?” He says, turning back to face Josh. “Okay so then you get married, be cheated on again and again and later divorced because the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with doesn't feel the same. She wants sex, Josh, sex that apparently I can’t give her.” His eyes begin to fill with tears. “I loved her, Josh, and she broke me..” Josh pulls him in for a hug, holding him close as he starts to cry.

Anna stands outside of the bedroom, leaning against the wall as she listens to their conversation. Hearing Jake cry, believing he wasn’t good enough in his marriage, her heart breaks even more knowing just how deeply he was wounded when he never uttered the words to her.

“You are the perfect husband for someone, I’m sure of it.” Josh says as he pulls away from Jake. “As for the sex? I can’t speak on that.”

“Fuck off..” Jake grumbles as he playfully shoves Josh.

“Oh Anna!” Josh sings out.

“Josh, knock it off.”

Anna steps into the room and walks over to the two of them. “I know you two slept together, so remind him if he’s good or not.”

Jake turns to face Anna, his brows furrowing. “Did you tell him?”

“What? No.”

“Wait.. Stop.. You two.. Last night?” Anna and Jake both glance at each other making Josh’s jaw fall open. “I was talking about back when you two were a thing but last night?”

“It..just happened..” Jake says, scratching the back of his head. “We got to talking to each other and then–why am I even explaining this to you? Do you not approve of that either? I just got divorced, what business do I have sleeping with my ex-girlfriend?”

Sleeping with his ex-girlfriend? Sleeping?

“I’ll let you two figure that out,” Anna says. “I’m going to go get started on lunch..”

As she dumped pasta into a pot of boiling water on the stove, she felt Jake’s hands slide around her waist. “I didn’t mean to say it like that,” He says. “I loved every second of making love with you.”

“It’s fine..” She says as she sets the empty box to the counter beside the stove.

“You don’t sound fine,” He says.

“I don’t know what else you want me to say, Jake,” She says as she turns around to face him. “What is this?” She asks, motioning her finger between the both of them. “You’re right, you just got divorced and now you’re here with me. What is any of this supposed to mean?”

“What if this is our second chance?” He says. “This old flame that used to burn between us, what if we have this chance to reignite it?”

“Do you really want to jump right back into this?” She asks.

“If it means that I get to love you again? Yes. I realized last night while we were together that this is my home–you are my home.”

“This is insane, Jake, don’t you think so?”

“Love makes people do crazy things,” He says. “I showed up here, I don’t know why. Then suddenly we’re having sex in the same bed and it just feels right.”

“Where’s Josh?” She asks.

“He left, why?”

“Good,” She says smiling. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulls him close and presses her lips against his. “May is missing out on a very great man,” She says when they pull apart.

“No..” He says, lowering his head.

“Yes,” She lifts his chin, noticing the tears beginning to fill his eyes. “Hey, you have always been a great man.”

“How could I be? I was such a jerk when we broke up.”

“Yes, true. But before then, you were so loving and attentive. You loved me immensely in all aspects. You were my greatest love.. And who knows, maybe you can be again.”

“Maybe we’ll find out after lunch,” He says. “Before we burn this place down,” He reaches behind her and turns the burner down, allowing the boiling water and pasta to simmer down.

Lunch went by quickly and soon they found themselves right back where they started this morning. Clothes were shredded and discarded in various areas on the bedroom floor. That old flame that was extinguished years ago was finally getting its chance to burn big and bright. Being wrapped up in him for the second time wasn’t the same as it used to be but it still felt right, newer. Both of them are older and mature, both moved on from the past. Not a thought looms over them of his divorce or their past they shared together. All that mattered in the moment was the present as well as the future that dangled above their heads instead.

This time making love to her, he took in more details than he did the prior. She didn’t bear the small hips of her youth, they were slightly wider. Her breasts looked bigger, noting how his hands just barely covered them completely. She was filled in all of the aspects of her body and he found himself falling in love with all of it all over again. His fingers lightly traced the few gray hairs that littered her dark hair. Though she shied away, he would draw her back, reminding her that she still looked as beautiful as she ever did.

“The gray simply comes with the territory of growing older,” He says. “It’s an older beauty that must be cherished just as much as the youthful beauty we still long to have. It means we have lived, continuing to live, growing older with each second and minute that passes us by. Beauty follows us in every stage.”

“You have got to stop reading Jane Austrn,” Anna teases.

Jake chuckles, “It doesn’t come from Jane Austen,” He says. “It comes from Jacob Kiszka.” Anna giggles and lightly swats at his cheek.

“Do you have any gray hairs, Jacob Kiszka?”

“Not one.”

“Liar..” Anna brings her hands up to his hair and begins picking through it. “You do!” She exclaims. “Such an old man..”

“Old?” He fanes offense and rolls his eyes. “So then if I’m old, then that means you’re old too.”

“Never call me old again,” She says, pointing a stern finger at him. “I am not old, I am thirty-five.”

“Almost forty.”

“Jacob, you better shut your mouth.”

“Or what?” He says, raising his eyebrows as he smirks. Rolling over, he hovers above her, flicking his hair off to the side and out from the front of his hair. “Face it, Anna. We’ll be turning forty before we know it.”

Anna groans, “Don’t remind me. My body is already showing signs of middle age.”

Jake laughs and leans down to kiss her. “You and I both. My ass is starting to sag, I think.”

“Oh shut up,” Anna laughs.

Jake laughs again, burying his face in the crook of her neck. He begins to kiss down her neck, instinctively grinding against her center. “Let us grow old together,” He says. “Our asses sagging as our hair grows grayer, making love to each other as often we want. Who knows, maybe a kid or two..”

“I always wondered if you’d have any children by now,” Anna says. “Or at least one.”

“I wanted at least one by now, but she wasn’t ready.” He says. “And if I’m being honest, I only ever dreamt of having children with you. They’d have your beautiful smile, maybe even your eyes.”

“As long as they have your nose,” Anna says as she traces her finger over the bridge of his nose. “But we have to work on ourselves first before we start jumping into becoming parents. We only just reunited, I do not want to rush the time that I have with you–with us.”

“You will always have me–even if we did have little feet running through the house.” He says. “Nothing and no one can keep me from you, not this time.�� Slowly he pushes inside of her, feeding on the soft moan that spilled from her mouth. “Let me relight this flame and keep it burning.”

“No more ultimatums?”

Jake shakes his head and thrusts his hips again, pushing deeper inside of her. “No more,” He says. “You will have me—all of me–wherever this new journey takes us, even if I am the one who follows you this time. I do not want to waste seven years of my life again being an idiot. I do not want to let someone use me and not love me for me.”

“I will always love you for you,” Anna says, holding his face in her hands. “I always have.”

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