#i love kyman too but

[boycottphil]

kyman is the superior south park ship and literally nobody can tell me otherwise

[bloogers-boogers]

I have this scenario made up we're Stan starts chasing after Cartman once Kyle and Cartman announce they're dating (behind Kyle's back) just cause he goes wondering off how Cartman kisses (like when he was willing to taste Cartman's farts cause Kyle seemed to like them) and if Kyle is capable of liking Cartman so can he right? Pretty much Stan's logic, the curiosity gets the best of him

[victimized-martyr]

to what degree do you think Cartman will grow to be a better person?

According to Trey’s commentary in Tsst, it doesn’t take much: Discipline, a firm male figure in his life. And now, implied by the end of Pandemic Special and towards the end of P.C, time away from friends who enable him are the ingredients for a better Cartman.

As little as it takes for him to be grow, it’s also just as easy for him to regress. Liane giving in on one occasion reverted what was months of firm parenting. A stagnant Kyle in P.C spurred Cartman’s paranoia, and reverted him back to his scheming 10 year old ways. He thinks he’s being talked down to and self sabotages out of spite at the end of Future Me. I think also a contributor to his Cartman-ness is how South Park itself doesn’t let him stay good for long, meager as his attempts may be on occasion. He’s the adults’s scapegoat (Bass to Mouth) as well as the Kids’s (Good Times With Weapons). the kids encourage Cartman to retaliate against Pc principal instead of letting him accept detention, and they smash his things while he was sincerely attempting to be PC.

Anyways, Cartman’s demonstrated he can be good in PC— he’s the father he never had, a loving (perhaps overzealous) husband, embracing the religion he’s constantly belittled.

While it was one off gag in Future Me, Cartman was inspired by end of the episode to study and work at his appearance. His future-self was proof that if he really wanted to, he can turn his life around.

He has the capacity to come to to right conclusions, (“should I just apologize to my friends and ask them to take me back, and tell them I was being a selfish jerk? Admit I was wrong and ask for forgiveness?”) He just… doesn’t have the discipline nor the humility to do so. (“Nah, screw that! I’m just gonna keep being a fucking dick!”)

At this point, we’ve experienced both extremes of the spectrum of goodness Cartman lies— his worst as a homeless drunk, the bastard boob-job narcissist he is now, and his best as a self made millionaire, or a family man devoted to his faith, or the obedient little boy who does his homework before school and eats a gay ass grapefruit for breakfast.

It isn’t a question to what degree Cartman can be good, because he’s shown to be good in various ways. The question is whether Mattrey/ the town of South Park will allow him to realize his potential. Given the very recent circumstances of The Hot Dog… well, it remains to be seen.

[gummidon]

Random doodles

[cybers-shithole]

massive con to being my friend: i send you shitty south park yaoi, animatics and general fanart

[immayonaise]

Bro I love the Kyman comic

What have I done

[angryushankas]

Kyman Week Day 2: Fantasy

Yeah absolutely used this as an excuse to do something with their SoT characters cause I love them too much jjdgjhfg <3

[southconfessionpark]

I'm someone who participates in shipping, but some people take it WAY too serious I fear. And I don't mean just angsty fics, I love those, I mean when y'all are literally harassing people because they don't like your ships. Like, I said I dislike a popular ship (Kyman, but that's not rly important, I don't really have a problem with it, just not my thing.) and I immediately got called homophobic???? Like huh???

[angel-gone-dark]

Hey I came over from April's posts lol. I read the "She's my collar" fic and loved it

Would/ Have you write a Kyle x reader x Cartman? They don't have to please each other in any way since ok you don't like kyman. But lmk I'm super curious lol. ❤️

Cartman x F!Reader x Kyle

CWs: praise AND degradation, minor throatfucking, creampie, cum swallowing, kenny is the world's #1 instigator

Boy howdy did I take this and run with it

SMUT UNDER CUT. MDNI.

I stood at the bus stop like usual, tired out of my mind. I’d been up all night studying for a stupid quiz, and notorious asshole Eric Cartman let me know just the toll it’d had on me. 

“You look shittier than usual.” I rolled my eyes as he kept going. “I mean, you always look fugly, but now you look like you were hit by a fucking bus.” 

“Gee, thanks, Cartman.” I scoffed. 

“I’m trying to help you. You’re never gonna get a man like that.” Before he could say anything else, Kyle butt in. 

“Quit bothering her, fatass, clearly she doesn’t wanna talk to you.” The ginger stood next to me, looking me over. His tone was gentle when he addressed me. “You okay? You don’t look like you feel very well.”

“Just not a lot of sleep, is all.” Cartman took this and ran with it.

 “Woah, up all night sucking dick then? I knew you were a whore.”

“Shut up, Cartman!” Kyle snapped. His two friends were smartly standing away from us, ignoring the commotion and smoking cigarettes. 

“What? Ohh, I get it, she was up sucking your dick Kyle!” I rolled my eyes. The two fought until the bus came, and even then, kept snapping at each other across the aisle. Today was gonna be a long day. 

By the time lunch rolled around I was so fucking sick of it. 

“Can you two shut up?!” I snapped, glaring at the two that had attached to either side of me. “I’m so sick of hearing you assholes fight over nothing all damn day! If you two are going to be like this, then get the fuck away from me.”

I stormed off. 

“Woah, going somewhere?” Kenny smirked as I ran into him. 

“Yeah, away from your stupid ass friends.” I pouted and he patted my shoulder. 

“Okay, talk to Dr. McCormick- what’s the sitch?”

“They keep fighting over my head.”

“Why, what’s so good about it?” He grinned and I smacked him.

“Be serious, Kenny.”

“Have you ever considered that maybe they’re fighting because they can’t decide who gets to spend time with you?”

“Are you high again?” I set him with a stern glare that had him raising his hands in mock defense.

“No, ma’am,” he crossed his heart to emphasize he was telling the truth. “I’m just saying, they’re glued to your hips and harboring a lot of tension right now. Just fuck about it.”

“Gross. Goodbye, Ken.” I shoved past him. 

My thoughts turned, though, because he had certainly just planted a seed that I wouldn’t be able to uproot.

I’d planned on staying in that night, but my friend Lola dragged me out of bed and got me done up for some stupid party. 

I was still pissy by the time we got there. People looked at me concerned as I slammed down a drink the second I got my hands on one. Lola scolded me and I rolled my eyes at her, but agreed to just sip the second one. 

It was boring as all hell until Cartman leaned against the wall next to me. 

“Hey. Sorry about earlier, I really didn’t realize just how… much we were being.” He seemed genuine, and I relaxed. 

“It’s okay, Cartman, you didn’t mean to be an ass- in that regard,” I giggled, sipping at my drink. “I feel like you and Kyle just get way too into it sometimes and you don’t think.”

“Hard to think when I’m looking at someone so pretty.” I blushed and looked down into my drink. 

“Really?”

“Well, yeah.” I don’t know what had gotten into him to be so suave, or what had gotten into me to be so receptive. Alcohol, probably.

I looked up to the sound of footsteps approaching. 

“Hi, Kyle.” I smiled at him a little, eyebrows knitting together as I looked down at his hand. “…You broke your cup.”

“I am aware.” He seethed, eyes boring holes into Cartman. “Are you sure you wanna hang out with him?”

“You can’t police who I talk to just because you don't like him.” 

“Nobody likes him! I just-” 

I interrupted him, “Zip it. Both of you, follow me, now.”

“What-?”

“Zip. It.” I made my way upstairs and into the guest bedroom. They followed after a moment of hesitation, and I locked the door.

“Spill. Now. Why are you two fighting so aggressively around me?”

“No- no reason.” Kyle looked away from me and I could tell he was lying.

“Okay, y’know, if he’s too pussy to say something then I fucking will,” Eric started, making his way over to me and cupping my face in his hands. “You’re fuckin’ hot and we’ve been fighting over who gets you.”

I felt heat rising to my face and pooling in my panties. The realization that I was locked in a room with the two, music thumping so loud nobody would be able to hear anything, set in. Cartman backed me up until I hit the wall, Kyle looking over with wide eyes.

“...Both of you can have me.” I said, swallowing hard as I squeezed my thighs together.

“Oh, I just knew you were a whore.” The brunette ridiculed me, slamming his rough lips onto mine. 

He practically consumed me, tongue sliding teasingly over my teeth. When he parted from me, a string of saliva connected our lips. It drooped down between us, snapping when the tension was too much. Eric raised a brow at Kyle, as if taunting him. No words were said before I was sandwiched between the two, Cartman now behind me. As he ground himself into my backside and chewed up my shoulders, Kyle took his turn with my lips. He was a great kisser, bucking his hips up into me as he practically moaned into my mouth. The ginger nipped at my lower lip, and I whined. I felt both their cocks twitch at that.

“Fuck, you’re so wet, good girl.” Kyle mumbled into my neck as his fingers slid under my skirt and panties.

“Don’t praise her, she hasn’t done jack shit.” Cartman grunted, yanking off my shirt and bra. I winced when it sounded like a clasp fell off.

“Yes she has, Cartman, she’s taking it,” he moved his attention to me. “You’re so cute, you know that?” He trailed wet kisses down my collarbones and to my breasts, humming eagerly as he took one nipple into his mouth.

“Taking it isn’t doing anything at all, Kyle.” Eric protested, removing his own clothing as Kyle laid me down on the bed.

I was in heaven when the ginger boy tugged down my bottoms and ghosted his breath over my eager cunt. My breath hitched as he licked a long, wet stripe up my slit. The brunette watched with a smirk, stroking himself as Kyle worked me up with his tongue.

“Open up, bitch.” Cartman asserted, gripping my hair in his hand and shoving his cock between my lips. “Ohhh, fuck, yeah. I knew you had a good mouth on you, the sassy ones always fuckin’ do.”

My eyes rolled into the back of my head and I groaned, the noise coming out as a muffled gurgle thanks to the fat head of Cartman’s dick blocking my airway. Kyle kissed and left hickeys across my thighs as his fingers stretched me. I swore I saw stars as he curled them purposefully, hitting the soft spot inside of me that sent electric currents through my flesh. My throat tightened around the flesh that pounded the back of it, milking precum from the angry tip.

“Be more gentle with her, she’s being submissive.” Kyle scolded. Eric scoffed, ignoring him and using one large hand to twist one of my nipples.

The noises I made, even muffled, were driving Kyle crazy. I saw him strip in the corner of my eyes, and my thoughts were confirmed at the clink of his belt hitting the floor and the swipe of his cock against my entrance. I shuddered and trembled as he bottomed out inside of me. I’d never heard anything as sexy as the noise he made the first time he moved his hips. This was bliss.

Kyle rocked his hips slowly at first, but it was clear he couldn’t help himself as his rhythm sped. He drilled his cock into me, grabbing the back of my knees to fold me in half. I shook below them, pussy smeared with slick and mouth dribbling spit. I briefly felt guilty about someone else having to clean this mess, but the feeling of Kyle’s fingers coaxing my clit yanked me back to the moment. I felt hot, skin on fire as I was ruined. I gripped at the sheets, bucking my hips up to meet Kyle’s as he made me cum on his long fingers.

“God, the bitch can’t even wait to cum until her superiors have.” By the way his cock twitched in my mouth I could tell my shuddering was turning him on.

“Good… good girl,” he sounded as ruined as I thought I might if I tried to speak. “So fucking tight, good girl…”

As my walls pulsed around him, Eric pulled out of my mouth to stroke himself. 

“Mouth open. You’re gonna fucking swallow.” His laugh dissolved into a shuddering grunt as he came on my tongue. He swiped the tip on my lips and laughed, closing my jaw with the other hand. I swallowed, nearly choking after as I moaned.

“F-fuck, good girl, ‘m gonna cum. W-where do you want it?” It was clear that Kyle was nearly bursting trying to hold himself back.

“Inside, please, please?” I begged. Cartman laughed.

“Well, if she wasn’t a whore before she sure as hell is now.” His hands found my breasts again, assaulting them with squeezes and pinches alike.

Kyle slammed into me hard, hips jerking wildly as he filled me with his warm seed. I heaved under him, still folded, and he stole what remained of my breath with a long kiss.

“If this is what hanging out with Cartman means then I don’t think I mind it anymore.” He smiled.

word count: 1700

[wendytestabrat]

kyle "liking" heidi was a HUGE cop-out

i can't believe we just got a 50 min long kyle-sided kyman episode and still all i wanna talk about is this episode from 2017 LOL. "doubling down" is prob the episode i've done the most rants on and i ain't stopping now. ok so like what i wanna talk abt his how fucking forced the whole kyle liking heidi thing was and how it came out of completely nowhere. and i have a theory on why that is...bc if kyle rlly was supposed to like heidi they rlly did NOT do a good job convincing us that was the case. ok so what i think what happened was this episode was originally intended to be a SUPER on the nose kyman episode abt kyle confronting his feelings for cartman but then trey parker pussied out and changed the script at last second bc he was too afraid of canonizing kyman lol. and trey does this bs A LOT especially with the 6 days to air format, he'll write the script one way and then he suddenly changes his mind at last second and wants it to be something completely different lol. bc yeah it's sus AF how in s20 they were originally setting things up for kyle to realize he's gay for cartman like in the little red riding kyle scene and then the scene of him crying over the picture of cartman (which was how we knew right away his jealousy was bc he had feelings for cartman NOT heidi) and then out of nowhere they revealed kyle liked heidi like hWat. that made us feel gaslighted AF. and i remember back in the day (in the ancient year of 2017) when they dropped the promo for that episode the description said "kyle is playing with fire when he gets in the middle of cartman and heidi's relationship" or some shit like that, which was ambiguous AF but kyman shippers got all excited bc we assumed the episode was abt all of kyle's jealousy with cartman & heidi finally coming to the forefront BC OF HIS FEELINGS FOR CARTMAN NOT HEIDI. so i feel like they released that description to be ambiguous on purpose bc they didn't know if they were gonna continue the route of having kyle liking cartman or change it to kyle liking heidi. and the only reason why they changed it to kyle "liking" heidi was bc they were too chicken to go forward with a kyman plot that strong, and bc it would've been too hard to change the episode to something completely unrelated on such short notice. it's not bc matt & trey give two shifts about kydi lol. it's obvious they LOVE kyman and deep down wanna make it happen, i think they either just don't know the best way to write it in yet or they're too afraid to piss off the non-shipping fans of the show. so that's the reason why we only get hints and they never take it any further than that. bc even tho kyle supposedly "liked" heidi this attraction was hardly believable and it still seemed EXTREMELY obvious that when kyle "liked" heidi, he was still repressing his feelings for cartman and those feelings came out in more unconscious ways throughout the episode. bc yeah for YEARS they've been writing kyle's character as gay and obsessed with cartman so that's why it was hard for them to make us believe kyle actually liked heidi and why him and heidi had 0 chemistry dhdhskks. and the reason why all kyle did was ask heidi about cartman was bc the original premise set up for the episode was for him to be a jealous snake bc he HATES heidi and LOVES cartman. he even deadass trashed heidi in the beginning when he was like "why is she still supporting him?!?!" which showed how much disdain he had for heidi (and cartman also called him out for having a problem with heidi back in s20), yet they expect us to believe he actually liked her??? LOL. kyle also literally says "i think we're all going out with cartman right now" so i think the way things were set up in the first half of the episode was actually the original vision for the script about kyle liking cartman. the moment when the girls told kyle he "likes" heidi was when they decided to change it up out of nowhere. they probably originally intended to have one of the characters call him out for liking cartman or some shit which stan and butters got pretty close to doing LOL.

[crab-people-overlord]

ok so since I’ve been too fuckin stupid my whole life to look into the fandom side of anything until one day I just had to get more of a SP fix and look at the fandom side of things… I’m curious 👀

[bloogers-boogers]

Kyle Brofloski/ Eric Cartman (Sp fic)

('What up with the fatass?')

/Let me slide into your DM's/ part 3

Stan's gang meet up in discussion of their future revelation.

"If we either become queermo pussies or boring ass side characters, your choice!"

Slight warning ⚠️ slurs, and well, it's a sp fic you could either expect both good or bad outcomes from it.

Btw important! It gonna get kinda gory and sensible topics are gonna be told in this chapter and the following others, so please if you're not comfortable with that type of stuff I don't recommend!

Author's note: I managed to link the chaps! So it'll be easier for u guys to switch between chapters ❤🙏🏼 again thx for the help u guys and also for the comments! I read each one of them! I'm very grateful for u guys, I'm glad u seem to enjoy my writing even if it can be a little off and confusing at points my vocabulary can be a little limited so I'm trying to expand it so it doesn't sound to iffy, ok time to read! 🤗

Second note: south park pov will be mostly Kyle's pov (technically just the gangs pov it'll be on Kyle's perpective) and north park would be Cartman's just wanted to make that clear! C:

~~~~~~

It's the day, the day that officially declares its been a month since Cartman moved, would this count as a 'Cartman anniversary'? Kyle really didn't want to know, he just wanted to do something.

Even if that meant having a fat bitch nagging, mocking, taunting him all the damn time. His life was starting to feel hallow, empty, numb, boring..

It felt meaningless? He's starting to feel what he assumed the adults of their town were going through; a internal crisis. Why did the fatass formed such a big part of what he's experiencing now?

How can someone so annoying make such a impact on him? On his brain and heart. Or was it that Cartman had already long gone manipulated into believing that he needed him to keep that flame in him.

Manipulated all of town, fuck, even the animals were looking bored as hell.

He layyed himself whole, flat stomach against the couch, bored looking face with his cheeks squishing against a cushion, it felt like he was going through some really bad break up, like the whole town was going through one. He grabbed the remote turning on the tv.

'Breaking news‼️: citizens across the country are now voting for the most lame uncharacteristic bland ass town of America! Polls are being equally divided between California's 'I eat fist' town, Texas 'sausage' town and ofcourse recently now unoriginal town in state of Colorado dropped by 68% to 1% in less than a month, 'South park', being one of the most demolished rates in history to beat a score of lameness about 59% in half a second! People claiming they barely even recognize the name, I barely remember the town itself if it weren't for this piece of paper that reminded of it! —'

He groaned loudly as he face slammed on to the cushions, letting out a heavy frustrating moan.

Now they were being ridiculed by their whole country for not being 'exciting' or 'interesting' enough.

He hated this feeling, he couldn't help but to pinned the blame on Cartman. He grunted reluctantly taking out his phone and opening his gallery, zoning out enough to block the new reporter's blabbering.

He scrolled to his countless pictures of family, friends, events, holidays, birthdays, trips and all that crap. He tapped on the first picture that just caught his attention; just fatass hogging his phone that day, making a collage of himself with vulgar gestures and weird looking faces.

'So original' he remembered remarking to Cartman, as the other just took out his tongue teasingly.

Scrolling once more, he halted in a picture were it was just Cartman making himself a mess with chocolate ice cream all splattered over his face; an annoyed look as his eyes darted at his hands by how ice creamy covered they were, cone half done being hold by his thumb pressed against his index.

He remembers taking a snap to make fun of Cartman later on because of how funny he thought it was, but he never actually used it and in reality he didn't find it as funny AFTER; once he second and third looked at it, more like, amusing. He found the picture amusing. Amusing enough to keep it saved in his gallery but also hogging it from others to see and share that se sentiment probably taking all the special to it.

After two more pictures, he clicked on a video, it was Cartman, once again, hogging his phone:

Rec🔴 0:06 - ⏮ ⏸ ⏭ -3:46

'Dammit, jew! Don't be so stingy!' There was a lot of movement making the camera shake viciously.

'Shut up, Cartman! Give me back my phone!'

'Worried I'll take all your cloud gigs too quickly?' Half Cartman's face seen, including that childish taunting pout of his.

'Ofcourse asshole! Do you know how much I have to pay for extra cloud storage!?'

'Stop being greedy and acting like your rich lawyer dad doesn't pay for your shit'

'My dad isn't rich'

'But he's a lawyer and a JEW'

'That makes zero sense'

'You know damn well what I mean'

Cartman than moved the camera angle in a wide frame showing both boys; one frowning angrily and the other smirking casually while he slightly waved at the camera before placing it steady and walking next to, well himself, Kyle.

Looking at his fat friend in a questioning look as he keep staring at the camera while standing next to him.

'What're you doing fat boy?' Before anything else he was gut punched in the gut.

'Ha! That's what you get for being greedy and letting your guard down, Kahal! Hahahaha!'

'That does it!' He screamed furiously standing up from his computer chair and chased Cartman around his room like two foolish kids messing around. Cartman smiling wide as he'd run from a fuming redhead.

3:46 - ⏮ ▶️ ⏭ -0:00 🔁

Kyle beamed by the memory, a nauseous revolving feeling surge in his stomach.

Moments like these is were he grasped hard into the somewhat relationship he had with Cartman, sometimes it was just hard to give up on him. Even if he's proven to be irredeemable, unforgiving, unfixable. Cartman could pathetically look at him with the most sad puppy eyes he's ever seen and couldn't bare himself but cease in and try to help once more. Which was stupid. But how can he just let him destroy himself further? That kid got issues, and as a friend, a group they had to stick up together right?

He felt more responsible over Cartman than anyone else from this whole fucking town, sometimes he even believed Cartman also shared that same mentality an unhealthy dependency on him for seeking help, get him out from trouble or just checking if he was being paranoid or hallucinating too much again, which he always did.

Kyle knew it was unhealthy what they had, but it was something strong they built. Or maybe it was just he who built it..? Cartman seemed to be doing well with out him..

Maybe he was the one being a little too attached? Which was ridiculous to believe, Cartman has always obsessed over him to point he even questioned if he was definitely a percentage away on being sent to a psycho ward.

Ofcourse that never happened, but he was damn nuts and had the ginger in his mind all 24/7, and he never denied being that way.

Shamelessly admitting he had broke into his room countless times, no boundaries were set between them, they even barge into the bathroom while they were using it. By that point nothing was 'too' embarrassing for them to encounter together. Those layers of privacy were non-existant between the two, for fuck sake he had put a finger up Cartman's ass once! What's more that could up that shit? By that point he could expect Cartman to steal a kiss from him for a scheme of his and he wouldn't bat an eye to it, probably punching him straight in the face for it; but still unbothered.

It's not like he hadn't taken up worse? He's eaten shit from a Japanese man's butthole, had swim and drink pee and was forcefully driven to smell Cartman's farts for the sake of the world. Friends with a literal talking shit, friends with a literal schizophrenic psychopath and having to endure aids for that same stupid bitch. Being turned down from the basketball league because he wasn't a tall black boy, having surgery and yet still had his knees explode mid game, traumatic. Hemorrhoids, a kidney failure, a manbear pig attack, a smug storm.. countless near death experiences.

Yeah, a kiss wouldn't be torturous. Cartman could kiss him, he should kiss him to prove his point.

Maybe he was the one to be mentally fucked up?

Nah, he's fine.

°°°°°

Kyle headed to the bus stop, spotting Stan eating some flaming chips, something odd he'd been noticing of his friend was his binge eating. Ever since Cartman left he had been hogging food everywhere they'd go; when they go play video games, he'd go to the kitchen and look through the fridge grabbing snacks and drinking high sugary beverages like mountain dew or smoothie mixed with coca, at the cafeteria he'd steal some of Butters fries or Kyle's half eaten burger, he even picked a fight with Craig for the last piece of chocolate cake they had there, even while they walked to someplace he'd always had a bar of chocolate in hand or a pack of sweets.

It was starting to be concerning but he hasn't pointed it out to Stan yet atleast until Wendy does, he knew Wendy was already planning on making an intervention for Stan soon, she's asked Kyle beforehand to keep track of what Stan's been eating to give her a list, which is why he notice right away of Stan's problem. Maybe it was a coincidence to link Cartman's absence to it, but who else had a binge eating problem that wasn't fatass?

"Morning dude," He greeted placing himself next to the now chubby kid.

Yes, Stan also have been gaining weight by the excessive food he's been eating. It was barely noticeable for the eye, but for people as close like Kyle, Wendy, Kenny and Butters, it was damn obvious.

"Mornin'," Stan mumbled out, unfazed while munching on some chips, his fingers were all greasy and hand cheeto dust all over.

"Did you see the news?," Kyle asked, looking at the road too uninterested with the small talk.

"You mean how they all we're calling south park a bunch of 'jackin' offing losers'?" He remarked the reporter's comment in exact detail.

Kyle nodded silently, they were really being pounded down to the ground with all the insults directed their way.

"Did you also hear about North Park?," his best friend added now sparking the redhead's attention.

"What is it?," he asked now intrigued.

"It's been up the ranking of wackiness and bizarre they were offered to make a show about it, can you believe it?" Stan commented incredulous.

Kyle was bewildered, no fucking way. Not even south park were offered that privilege while having fatass in town, now.. no, that's too much of a coincidence.

"It's fatass," he blurted out, making Stan look at him surprised.

He slammed the table with his right fist, now inside the meeting being formed that same night, their usual hide out; Cartman's basement, which Kenny helped barge in the locked house even if everything was empty and piled up with dust (with the exception of the table and white board they brought while entering). They were too stubborn to look for another place to meet up in so ofcourse the hide out wouldn't change until the house is actually sold.

He looked up at the group of kids there: Craig's gang, Stan's and ofcourse Wendy's.

"I think we all know why we're here."

Clyde looked concerned to his left, "because.. of the new mermaid movie..?" He winced out uncertain.

"No, fatass! We're not here for some dumb gay fish movie!," he shouted annoyed, huffing as he paced around the room in a typical Cartman manner.

"We're here to get Cartman back," Stan chimed in his seat, a bowl of chocolaty creamy strawberries in hand oblivious eating them while a concerned Wendy looked his way.

"Why?" Craig asked in his typical monotone voice.

"Because, we're nothing with out fatass," He finally blurted out, placing both his hands on the table looking at them directly.

"S-say that again?" Jimmy spoke up more confused than being sarcastic.

"Guys, ever since Cartman left everything has been dulled," He continued, now dragging the white board infront of them taking off the sheet that covered it; revealing their plan strategy, "south park has always had an untold curse to it, we all know about the anomaly and whack shit we've have to endure by living here"

"I always thought it was because of you four," Token commented unfazed.

"Point is," Kyle ignored, looking at the board, "not having Cartman around has abruptly lower our percentage to zero," He pointed with a marker a drawing of Cartman and a field around him signaling the 'curse'.

"Isn't that a good thing?" Annie pointed out.

"No, if we want to be seen as the pussy town of Colorado with no name," He snapped back bitter.

Luckily most of the kids there agreed with him, making him seem less crazy for wanting Cartman back.

"Kyle's right, ever since Eric moved away my parents now ground me because of boredom. They don't even care if I do good in school or not they just nag about moving away to some fart smelling city like New York to get some action again," Butters added grabbing a strawberry from Stan's bowl.

"My dad sent me to Denver the other day for a gallon of milk and asked me about the weather there," Tweek also added to the pile of complaints.

"My parents sold both my sister's bike and my coin collection away and replaced them with a pile of balloon clowns," Craig added now indulge in the subject.

"My parents bought a zoo and have been living inside the gorilla habitat for two weeks," Heidi added a little ashamed as she looked downwards, probably reluctantly admitting Cartman may need to come back to solve her issue.

"My mom has bought over 300 pair of shoes in a week were almost going broke," Nichole hesitantly added.

Wendy sighed as she intertwined her fingers defeated, "My dad has been going nonstop to strip clubs and my mom has been pimping out some male colleagues of hers," she admitted embarrassed, "it's clear south park is going into a crisis."

"And my dad has been up in sales for all the weed he's sold to south park residents," Stan complained chugging five strawberries in his mouth, annoyed, "ever-veryone's hig-gh as fuck like wi-with the tegrity b-burger sales," He mumbled out, slapping Kenny's hand away from his bowl as the blonde looked at him offended.

Butters snickering next to him as he had successfully stolen a strawberry from Stan previously.

"Cartman is like a endless void," Kyle added, now circulating the drawing of Cartman and drawing a pointer down, "with out it, there nothing that can suck all of our shit down," He wrote his points up then signaled a pile of adults destroying the town, "making everthing go into an endless loop of wanting a purpose and still not finding anything while destroying what we have left with ACTUAL consequences. A reset button up Cartman's ass to restart our day, to fix our shit. Pretty much with out it the damages we make today stays, while still being so uncharacteristically damaged were basically nothing.

For some reason Cartman is that damn reset button, he takes the curse with him it just makes sense why we still put up with his shit and he hasn't been sent to jail for all the atrocities he's done. He CAN'T leave south park, everything has to be put to an end with each day, everything has to be back to normal with each common episode. If there's a long continuity it's gonna feel dragged and force it'll become boring like the Mr Garrison election, tegrity farms and the pandemic special so the curse will start to self destruct itself until it ends it.

Technically, we're in a episode with continuity.

And we're dragging it too far, being matter of weeks or days before our town becomes nothing but a running old gag people give zero fucks about, targeting their attention to something new making Cartman's curse merge into the new hole it's in.

In this case; north park," He finished finally circulating a drawing of the town and a North park Cartman on the side.

Everyone kept silent as they were captivated by the long explanation.

"Damn, dude. Have you gotten any sleep?," Craig commented bewildered.

"Does this have something to do with aliens?" Clyde chimed in now freaked out, bitting his finger nails and looking frantically between Kyle and the group.

"That, I don't know," Kyle responded tirelessly, now sighing heavily. It's almost concluding another day with out Cartman, and if his theories are right, it could be dangerous, "we need to manage to go to North park and get Cartman."

"What if Eric doesn't want to get back?" Butters spoke up, now everyone looking at him attentively.

Right, out all of them there, Cartman updates Butters everything that's been going on around his new lifestyle.

"Do you know something Butters?," Kyle inquired skeptical with a glare.

"No.." He dismissively looked Kenny's way before looking at something else, "Eric's really liking North Park that's all," he admitted in almost a whisper, after brief seconds.

°°°°°°

Kyle walked back home with his hands shoved inside his pockets, glaring at the ground beneath him.

Cartman is liking North Park because of his curse not much because he's actually liking it, he tried reasoning with that. But it wasn't still reassuring.

He began slapping the side of his head trying to shoo away any thoughts of Cartman, but he just couldn't stop thinking about him.

'MeooOow' a distressed cat moaned, snapping him out of it; it came behind some bushes near the Steven's residence. He approached cautiously and found a old grey kitty that licked it's paw and hiss at him after noticing his presence.

"Mr kitty?" Kyle blurted out softly unfazed by the aggressive attitude, Cartman had left his cat?

He reached out for her, holding on to her tightly being scratched in the face in the process 'defensive instincts' he thought, wincing out by the stingy pain.

Okay, Cartman would never abandon Mr kitty like that. That's unlike him, if there's something he knew as a fact was that Cartman loved his cat even if he had a hard time admitting it, he'd always made sure his cat was home before midnight and would check if her food was place in her bowl.

Even though he'd angrily complained about the cat craving the food he'd have in hand instead of her cat food, Kyle has seen from time to time how Cartman would cease in the meowing giving food from his plate to Mr kitty. He thought it was disgusting seeing him eat from the same plate as the cat did but never bother commenting it, cause it was an adorable quality of his. Just like when he'd hand feed it letting the cat licked everything off his palm and then later off using that same hand to eat a pile of chicken nuggets with out washing his hands. It was gross for sure, but it was cute.

He winced by the thought of even considering Cartman remotely 'cute', he got home, still a rabid cat in hands. It's liked the cat hated him, but then again... it is Cartman's.

"Hold on there, mister," his mother stopped him before heading upstairs, "what is that?" She pointed at the hissing feline.

Kyle arched a brow, "it's a cat, don't worry I'm just keeping it for a while until a friend comes back from a trip." He explained, hoping that would be enough for his mom to let it go.

"Kyle, don't think I've forgotten about your chessing phase," she remarked, now hands placed on her hips, "is that it? Are you chessing?" She asked worrisome.

"No, ma. I'm serious, this is just my friend's cat," He rolled his eyes, still not believing his mother still thought he chessed once.

She arched a brow skeptical, reluctantly believing his words.

"Okay, bubbie.. but one showing symptom of it and that cat is out," she warned pointedly, as she walked back to the kitchen, "and keep that cat far from your father's office he wouldn't want to step on cat poop," she shouted after.

"Okay, ma," He responded back, running to his room as he shut the door letting the cat out of his arms, as he whined out from the stingy small war wounds (scratches) on his hands and arms somehow her nails got under his jacket sleeves.

Mr kitty hid under his bed as she couldn't escape from the window because it was closed.

He sighed as he approached his drawer and opened a cabinet, which he had a small aid kit. He took out some alcohol and began putting some on the scratches that actually had blood pouring out.

He glance to his side noticing Mr kitty peeking out from his bed but instantly glaring at him in a defensive stance as she growled.

Man, that cat really hated his ass.

Kyle couldn't help but wonder if Cartman could've trained her to hate him, but he then dismissed it as Cartman's wasn't the type to be too hyped on something that had no gained for him. He'll get easily bored by less than an hour, if plausible 20 minutes and 33 seconds to be exact.

He kneeled down and began mimicking Cartman's gay little song he'd use to lure his cat when she'd ran off from home. He had memorized it by the countless times he's heard him sing it out loud to the neighborhood with zero shame.

Singing has been such a Cartman's thing to do, he realized how both mother and son always had a thing to easily communicate by song and he wouldn't be surprised if that cat too was also taught to listen by musical notes.

One of Cartman's perks of singing endlessly since a toddler really brought fruit to his voice, so neighbors nearly complained when he'd sang out for his cat. His voice was marvelous, angelic, the type that'll lure you like a siren to a crew of sailors, a easy way to trick and manipulate people into listening to him or doing what he says. Something he definitely seen Cartman use for his advantage.

Even, as awful it is to admit, he's fallen for his curse various times himself. He'd be caught listening in his window as he'd watch from afar his arch-rival walking through the sidewalk singing to Mr kitty to come back and threatening her lastly to give her the garlic food instead of the tuna which most of the time worked, cause the cat would dash back to her owners arms after listening on not having tuna for dinner.

"Miaw miaw miaw come kitty, come Mr kitty kitty!" he awkwardly sing, as he watched the cat immediately tilted her head interested, "who's a good Mr kitty? Miaw kitty kitty miaw miaw.." he felt his voice cracked after a couple of 'miaws', he wasn't as in tune like Cartman was but he didn't think he was that bad either.

"Miaw miaw miaw miaw~

Kitty kitty kitty

Who's my Mr kitty? I love my kitty kitty~!" He never thought he'd be singing for a cat but there he was, now seeing the cat cautiously walked twoards him.

He carefully extended his hand in a welcoming gesture, expecting the cat to put her paw there but instead she smelled it before nuzzling against his hand with a purr.

Now that's awfully cute, he wasn't much of a cat person he preferred lizards or elephants, but he won't deny Cartman's cat was adorable.

He gently patted her head not knowing how cat owners tended to show their felines affection, he just knew by online critics that cats were evil cold living creatures and would prefer to not be disturb. The last time he's ever grabbed a cat was when he had to hide that damn cat Kenny would use for chessing, and he shoved it in his drawer not really caring much for it. He could've almost forgotten it if his mother didn't caught him with it.

But this one was Cartman's, she was special to him, so he had to make sure she'd be fine while fatass is away. Or Cartman could go all psycho on them if something were to happened to her once he's back.

And he had no plans on dealing with one of those episodes again.

He's learned from what happened to Scott, mitch Connor, 'cupid yee' or 'me' or whatever (he just remembers Stan commented about Cartman's little episode to him while explaining of how things lead the way it did), skank hunt (he wasn't sure to count that one, but Cartman wasn't the same at that time like if he were broken)or the 1% issue, that an emotional Cartman is a reckless 'not to be messed' one.

Cause you really don't know how'd he'd react and take it, which becomes a nerve wrecking roulette. Cartman had limits where once you pass the highest grounds, you're over. You either die, emotionally traumatized/ wound for life or spared (which is unlikely).

He remembered a kid calling him tubby it wasn't a big deal until he took it too far and 'humiliated' Cartman in the assembly. Cartman took it as if the boy was out to get him, which he technically was but his fate was counted.

Both Stan and himself knew he wasn't gonna make it to middle-school.

Surprisingly the boy was given a 'light' punishment being sent to a juvenile prison by a crime he clearly didn't commit but was then executed after three weeks cause a few inmates accused him for slaughtering another in the bathrooms.

Supposedly the aftermath had nothing to do with Cartman but both he and Stan were skeptical about it.

Then there was this other boy that had the balls to smack Cartman's ass in a football game. Yeah, let's say that one didn't last a week after the incident. For what he heard, that boy was given to pigs dismembered in bits and a bullet wound in his head. He remembered how fucked up it was for Cartman to show up to the boy's grieving parents home and gave them his condolences. It's like he gets even more gruesome with his vengeful antics each time he'd snap.

This could count as a 'group' thing but it was mostly Cartman influenced, cause it really messed them up for a period.

A fat old grumpy man almost raped him in a parking lot, it was their darkest secret yet as a group, as a whole.

He remembered that night vividly, they were at a club Butters snuck them in while he worked there, and as they were all vibing and looking at all the hot chicks there Kenny had asked if anyone had a lighter on them Cartman said he had one in his bicycle pouch, so he went out to fetched it, seemed it was more of an excuse to leave as he did notice Cartman seemed uncomfortable being at that place, and second he wouldn't offer to get it for Kenny he would straight up just tell him to go get it himself.

It took a couple of minutes and he recalls how they all started wondering if Cartman had actually ditched them, so they all went looking for him outside.

And for their horror saw Cartman sobbing uncontrollably as some man had him pinned against the hood of a blue Honda, trying to unbottoned his pants as he rubbed his crotch against his. This wasn't as with snooki, it was far worse cause he noticed bruises forming up his throat and face; weakening Cartman before the actual action.

'Holy shit' was the only thing he heard Stan blurt out in shock.

That was the night something in him snapped, and intentionally murder a man.

He remembered how everything became so blurry and slow as Stan anxiously yanked him away from the bloody body while being covered in blood from head to toes, as Kenny yelled saying he'll tell Butters to cover them up with the security footage, while Cartman whimpered and sobbed still panting frantically in the hood.

It was the most saddest shit he's ever seen Cartman been.

They dragged the body to starks pound.

Cartman was a mess, but fuck, he didn't want to ever see a friend be in a situation like that ever again.

They hid behind some cars as a police officer passed by, dragging the body with difficulty even being four boys. The man weighted over 300 pounds and with the added 'dead' weight it worsen it.

Everything seemed so surreal.

Cartman finally spoke after being so zoned out by the whole thing, they tossed the body inside a wooden boat. Took a lighter out from his pocket, the same lighter that was the whole reason they were all there to begin with.

Kenny poured gasoline all over it while puffing his last cigarette, and Cartman lit it up pushing the boat away from the edge with a small kick.

"This will be in grave a secret until we die"

That was Cartman's way of telling him 'thanks' even if it was the most devastating coldly thing he's ever done, Cartman could've use that to blackmail him or even get rid of him for good. But he never told a soul once it was all over, acting like it never happened.

He remembered he had to strip naked to get rid of his clothes and tossed it in the flaming boat, how'd he had to use some clothes from Walmart Stan had went to purchase them while he shaked tremendously by the intensity of the whole thing.

After that, they never spoked of it again and Kenny quit smoking.

°°°°

He hold Mr kitty in his arms, the cat warmed up to him very quickly than he had expected her to be.

She nuzzle with a purr against his chest, he couldn't help but visualize Cartman doing it instead.

His eyes widen, he was going crazy. That's the only explanation he could give to himself with how he was acting.

Yeah, this was bad, they had to get Cartman back for everything to go back to normal again.

He recalls of the agreement of their meeting, how Bebe asked how'd they'd be able to go to north park with out their parents knowing.

They all agreed on leaving that to Stan's gang to get fatass as they were Cartman's friends but Wendy and Craig's gang will handle the shit over in south park tricking their parents into believing Stan's gang went to some force week field trip.

It's not like their parents weren't stupid enough to believe that crap but they needed to ask for permission.

It's not like Kyle hasn't disobeyed any of his parents order anyways, no matter what answer it was, he was still going to north park.

And it's definitely not their first time ever leaving South park for longer than three days.

It was morning and he woke up with an awful smell, Mr kitty pissed all over his bed, fucking gross. He's never seen that cat ever pee in Cartman's home, it'll always meow at the door for Cartman to let her out and do what she has to do or just go to her litter box, that cat did it on purpose! Or maybe he should've just put some newspaper or a box, fucking crap.

He ran to the bathroom, took a shower and put some clothes on.

Taking his pj's and bed sheets to the washing machine, what a nice start to his morning, he thought bitterly.

Once settling his clothes in the washer he went up stairs and grab Mr kitty, and then rushed straight to the kitchen fridge and grab a can of sardines.

He sat in the table and place the tuna as he rested the cat in his lap letting her just reach out for the food herself, not thinking much of how bad it was seen as 'table manners', he felt his mother scowled him from the stove but said nothing, he didn't mind by that point he was already too numb by his mother's scolding he wasn't afraid for another.

Even though, once he started middle-school his mother mellowed down some more; saying kids their age needed space and shit like that. So she began stricter with Ike the youngest and being more free caring from Kyle her eldest son.

Which he was very grateful of to an extent.

All his family were already sitting in the table and eating breakfast, his dad didn't seem to questioned the cat and his brother just arched a brow.

"Is that Eric Cartman's cat?" He asked.

Kyle munched slowly his food as he watched him blankly, "no."

"Oh Ike, don't be silly, Eric Cartman moved a month ago I'm pretty sure they took their cat," His mother spoke reassuring, "stop bothering your brother with too many questions," she warned in a more passive aggressive tone.

Again, he didn't understand his parents, or any of the other adults. Apparently he wasn't the only one of the four that their parents mellowed down with, his friends also commented that once they began middle-school their parents seemed a little loosen around the edge when it came to them.

As if they really didn't want to deal with them.

Kyle gently caressed the cat's furry head 'don't worry Mr kitty will get Cartman back' he thought reassuring while smiling softly.

"So.. mom, dad. There gonna be this trip in like two days and-" he began his rehearsed speech of why he should be let go and how'd it'll be an improvement for his still developing mind.

"It's okay, Kyle. You can go," his father interrupted eager, somewhat anxious.

"But-"

"Really, it's alright buddy, do whatever you want," he reassured not even bothering to ask 'what' or 'when' 'who' and 'why', giving him a awkward thumbs up, his mother nodded agreeing sharing that same enthusiasm.

"Dammit, I wish I were in middle-school," he heard Ike cussed out in a whisper.

He definitely wouldn't, he would contradicted it if he actually wasn't in a rush to go talk to his friends and see how'd it went with them.

"Okay, cool—," he said uncertain, dragging the 'O', now placing the cat in the floor as he picked up his place, "I need someone to take care of mr-" he cut off, as he was about to blurt out the cat's actual name, "Mr poopkins while I'm gone," he finished awkwardly.

His family went silent and both his parents shared a look then looked at Ike.

"Well good thing your brother offered himself to take care of it, right Ike?" His dad then added, forcing a smile.

"Me!?" Ike asked incredulous, looking offended, "I don't want to-" his mother clasped her hand on his mouth preventing him to finish his sentence.

"Don't worry, bubbie, it's alright. Ike would happily take care of Mr poopkins for you," she beamed as Ike frowned by that.

"Cool," Kyle said grinning, ignoring the obvious glaring from his younger brother before heading to get his backpack and head out.

It was convenient for sure but it really made him feel like his parents no longer cared for him.

He shrugged those thoughts away as he went to the bus stop.

"So how'd it go?," He asked immediately once approaching Stan.

"My dad flinched cowardly as if I were about to murder him, dude. And I dunno whats their deal but yeah, they let me go," he shrugged, now chugging a bunch of chips, "can you believe Wendy last night told me I had a binge eating problem?" He continued, now crunching the bag in his hands before tossing it to the ground annoyed, "like, there's always something that bothers her, like 'Dude, chill the fuck out I can't eat some chips because NOW I have a issue?' "

Kyle scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, "Well.. you do kinda have a problem Stan," he reluctantly admitted.

Making Stan looked at him baffled, "I do not!," he then looked at the ground as his gestures soften, "do I...?" He asked defeated, more to himself than to his friend.

"Hey dudes," Kenny greeted as he approached them.

"Sup, Ken. How it'd go?" Stan asked now recovering from his emotional internal questioning.

"What you mean?"

"Did you asked your parent about the 'field trip'?" Kyle gripped his backpack now remembering how fatass would just barge in and say his latest stupid fact learned from the internet or some magazine he read.

He's not missing Eric Cartman, okay? He's just missing the familiarity and the casualty of it all.

"As if I needed to ask, my parents don't give a crap. I just left them a couple of joints and three packs of beer that'll keep them out for an entire week," he said disinterested as he took out his phone that was buzzing, "fuck, it's Eric."

Kyle eyes widen as he had predicted the obvious, he gripped harder on his backpack expectantly, maybe even hopeful he could hear his voice?

"Cartman calls you?" He heard Stan ask, but he was so damn far lost in his mind he zoned out a bit.

"His calls are random sometimes, I gotta pick this up man," Kenny answered, putting some earphones on, now walking away a couple of feets apart from them unintentionally making Kyle's heart shrunk and his stomach twist.

Kyle questioned himself why he felt disappointed by that, but he shrugged it off like usual, looking at the blonde who chatted animosity as he walked in circles.

Cartman hasn't called both he and Stan not even once since his move, he couldn't be angry at them for the party right? Or were they just nothing to him?

Fuck, even Butters gets to talk to him more than either of them.

That's a douche move even coming from Cartman.

Kenny walked back to his place now phone back in his pocket.

"So what did he say?" Stan asked.

"He was telling me that he had to go to the doctor yesterday and was told he was developing 'pussy-itis' "

"What's that?" Stan asked genuinely confused.

Kyle rolled his eyes, 'my god that was a Cartman thing to say.'

"He said that it's a disease that spreads to new comers when being exposed for too long, he has like vaginas growing inside his ass and the doctor warned him that he could turn into a giant pussy if he keeps it up," Kenny shrugged, now looking at the road.

That condition actually reminded him of the time Stan got growing vaginas in his face and skin because he had stopped eating meat when they were protesting for the calves safety. It was similar as the time Butters accidentally blurted out that Cartman had sparkly cleaned vaginas in his stomach because of the huge amount of vasagsil he ingested as a kid.

And as much as he hated how fucking bizarre and impossible it is for that to happen, he couldn't deny actually witnessing and be proven wrong countless times that it WAS possible. So it wasn't unbelievable to believe Cartman got diagnosed with yet another odd condition.

"Okay, so technically Cartman wants to come back now, right?" Kyle inquired, subtly leaning forward.

"No, he was given medication so he's now 'skwel'," he made a similar impression of Cartman, "he also said to tell Stan about the uh.. something about a— gnome in the cooler or some shit like that? I didn't understand well cause he cut off immediately after that," Kenny shaked his head in disapproval.

Stan flinched, eyes wide and a blank expression adorned his face immediately knowing what Cartman meant, "HOLY SHIT," he exclaimed bewildered before running off without further explanation, leaving both friends confused ass hell.

Kyle looked at Kenny expecting more from that call, but he didn't add anything else. He frowned looking at the ground still gripping his backpack while bitting his lip.

Kenny gasped as he had forgotten something making Kyle flinched in surprise.

"Cartman said 'up your ass, jew' when I told him you called him a pretentious north park bitch," he remarked casually before looking at the school bus stopping infront of them.

Oblivious of a now beaming Kyle, both entering the bus picking a seat behind Butters.

Kyle didn't know why, but he jolted excited stomach feeling all twisted and his heart pounded loudly he could hear it inside his ears.

°°°°

"I haven't told them yet," Butters said as he rubbed his knuckles, heading to class.

"Dude, why not? We're leaving in two days, man," Kenny spoke while holding on to a notebook.

"They're not gonna let me go you guys," He admitted unfazed.

"Okay, so you're planning on sneaking out," Kyle added.

"I'm not sure.." the boy hesitated saying, looking at some flyer.

"You're Eric's best friend and your telling me you're NOT going to go get him?" Kenny inquired, kinda spiteful, "it's not like you haven't sneak out before and for Eric of all people too!

Like, your stupid schemes required a little disobedience from your part to handle all the shit Cartman gives you.

You're Eric fucking Cartman's best friend! It's pretty much not even a choice to not be a little shit head, stop being such a pussy," he blurted out, extending his arms up in the air for emphasis.

"NO, Kenny. I'm NOT Eric's best friend-" he pointed accusatory at the blondes chest, poking it hard, "YOU ARE, so quit your yapping!," he shouted annoyed, causing Kenny to frowned from the tone use.

God, those two have been up their necks since Cartman left, and Kyle couldn't point out why.

Kyle stood there awkwardly as he watch the two bark back at each other like two hounds with no leash, spitting venom and acidic slurs at each other.

'They should shut up already and go make out somewhere else, fuck' he thought annoyingly tired by the dragged banter.

Oblivious of the irony of his own thoughts.

Not wanting for them to escalate any further he stood between them, like a peacemaker.

"If we either become queermo pussies or boring ass side characters, your choice!" he threatened, pointing at the pissed off blonde.

Butters sighed contemplating it, grumbled a 'why should I choose?' As he kicked lightly the ground.

"Or do you have something you're hiding from us, Butters?" Kenny inquired suspiciously, tilting his head.

Butters clenched his fist, fuming, "fuck you!" He screamed out, pushing Kyle to the side before lounging at Kenny starting a fist fight in the hall, now everyone gathering up around them.

Kenny slammed his notebook hard against Butters face while Butters pushed Kenny against the lockers.

'This was some serious shit,' Kyle thought before taking out his phone and recording the fight for later on send it to Stan.

Prev — Next

[victimized-martyr]

I’m writing some kyman twitter prompts, here’s chapter 1: jealousy!

[sarejima]

i am a starving child and am requesting kyman fanfics to soothe my hunger (PLS recommend ME SOME)

OMG YAY SOMEBODY ASKED ME SMTH IM SO HAPPY AMSBSDB

Unfortunately I'm a green and inexperienced mother but I'll do my best!! (thisll be long as i cant keep from waxing poetic about fics i like)-

The love of my life and one of the best things I've had the pleasure of reading period is “Know your Enemy” by Elsen. It's beyond perfect to me enough so that even though it may never be finished I'm sort of satisfied. Eric's characterisation is beautiful and literally just as hilarious as in the show itself with the way he schemes and jumps over nonsensical hoops in his head in order to satisfy his self image in processing his feelings for Kyle and unwitting desires to submit to him. The plot and setting in and of themselves also somehow complement his absurdity. Also has just the right amount of perversion. (Okay I'm done sorry)

Another genius Cartman channelfic that I was audibly giggling at due to the insanity of his mental gymnastics is "I crush everything" by Rainbow_Convection which is quite short and mainly deals with him "processing" his feelings

(The above person is really good at writing compellingly about manic impulses and emotions so check out their other fics too)

On a similar note and also exploring implications of Cartmans outright deluded conscious, this time through Kyle's perspective, is 'Imaginationland 4: a tale of two Kyles' by Sinshipsahoy where it's revealed to Kyle (in increasingly horrifying ways) that Cartman's mind is (literally) swarming with him.

(This guy also has a worryingly well written corpse desecration fic so if that's your cup of tea)

In the 'I'm with Stupid' series by numbknee Eric gets together with Kyle and is annoying and fiercely loveable and everything's great until Kyle realises that sadly Cartman's views on relationships/love in general- but especially with Kyle, his 'enemy'- had been significantly skewed from the start due to an aversion to vulnerability, stunting their progress. I especially like the fourth and last fic/chapter.

Kinda depressing but in 'Sharing Last Names' by serpenrzbreath an adult Cartman's Kyle obsession is partly due to lamenting, while in the depths of denial, his own collosal wasted potential as over the years wasted rotting and room-bound due to severe mental instability but also just lack of trying, one of the only things grounding his shame is Kyle's comparative success, and when a time of reckoning comes an unwilling(?) Kyle is all he feels like turning to. However he soon learns that pity and concern is much more confusing and enraging than ire.

Some more Kyle focused fics are

'Love and the other thing' by Gumdroppy where we get an equal amount of Kyle and Eric perspective- Kyle who revealed his love for Eric as a kid first and loves Eric WAY too much for his own good(to the point where his friends feel the need to take measures to ensure his best interests) and Eric who perhaps fell harder- worships the ground Kyle walks on- but can't seem to help the kneejerk hurt and abuse that flows from his hands. Bonus points for jealous Stan and Kenny being an angel.

Ans also by Elsen 'How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let My Mortal Enemy Eat My Ass' which is really hot with a compelling theme of overcoming Kyle's past trama what can I say

'It's basically a weird cat, right?' By Verimakea is a adorable fic about adult Kyle who by chance meets Eric in raccoon form(and then not-so-raccoon form) in which Cartman has separation issues and Kyle is forced to battle loneliness and incteasing mildly worrying feelings for this addition to his life.

Some other concepts:

'Baby, Just Say Yes' by shortstackedcheesecake96- a beautiful wonderful fic where the palpable chemistry between a (surprisingly earnest about the subject and a talented actor) Cartman and (quite good novice) Kyle get cast as Juliet and Romeo respectively. There's so much compelling teenage awkwardness where they both appear to be unwillingly drawn to each other despite everything in ways they feel they really shouldn't- Kyle especially is almost embarrassingly captivated by an Eric in his element- and it's such a pleasure to read; just thinking about some scenes has me wanting to reread it lmao.

(This writer also has a lot of enticing and well-written smut too)

'Fake it 'till you make it' by mewtwos is another fic I hold so so close to my heart in which Kyle and Eric have to fake date for a bit, until they realise that these fake displays of affection draw them in a little bit too hard; make them a bit too lightheaded, and by that point the reel has already been cast. It's insanely well written.

'Expertise' by Mewtwos where Eric is a little too eager to practice kissing with kyle and they have a little awakening

'To Be Wanted' by Verimakea- a Cowboy au where Kyle takes it upon himself to capture Wanted Sheriff Cartman, but things quickly gp array and they and up stuck together in one place for an indeterminate amount of time, with Kyle put in a position where he often has bo choice but to rely on the other. This writer is seriously skilled at painting subtly erotic/suggestive imagery, and writing complex emotions into characters through their actions so its quite the fun leg-kicking read lol.

'Copacabana' by Senkenwoo is a bittersweet fic about jaded middle aged retired performer Kyle recalling how he lost his charming and endearingly annoying bartender lover

Some unconventional smut cus y not:

'Laid To Rest' by gosh_zillah in which Kyle has a deep seated desire to be a cocksleeve and subsequently gets watched in his sleep by an enthralled little audience for a bit(among other things as he proves to be quite perceptive lol)

"You're in his DMs? i'm in his walls, we are not the same" by ratherblue - Eric watches Kyle have smexy times thru a hidden camera; implied mutual pining. Also Kyle's trans

'Cause I'm a free bitch, baby' by knumbknee where Kyle sees an Eric in proper drag for the first time and is transfixed

'sleep tight' by bloodylamb is a quirky little sleepover somnophillia fic where Kyle's mildly vocal about his Eric-disposition in his sleep if you're good with dubcon.

I'm sure you weren't expecting to be waterboarded by text and for this I apologise

[cxtangerina]

k2 is such a funny ship to me, like it's just plausible enough to be kinda sorta realistic if you squint and pray and look at it sideways, not quite a crackship but not able to get off the ground as more than a particularly popular rarepair either. they had, like, one big episode together back in season 3, a handful of major moments over the years that people hold onto with an iron grip, and basically nothing else outside of a plethora of fantastic fancontent and dreams.

i think i like it for the exact opposite reasons that i like kyman, actually, they sorta stand as complementary ships in my mind. where k2 barely has any actual basis in canon & comes heavily from fanworks and speculation about how well the characters would match each other, kyman is practically canonical, at least when it comes to cartman's feelings, and is at least regularly joked about and referenced in-show. personally, i also tend to see k2 as a ship that is kinda miraculously requited, whereas kyman is usually stuck in unrequited hell, which...

...well, this gets into more specific character analysis, but a big part of this is that i tend to see cartman as having very fucked up views of both romance & sexuality that have especially interesting implications when you consider him to have a crush on kyle, specifically.

on the one hand, i think his cupid self is evidence enough that he has a very fairytale, idealized view of romance, based more out of the hollywood movie image of what love is supposed to be rather than anything in reality. south park adults being utter fucking idiots 99% of the time means that most, if not all, of the kids don't have a lot of good role models to base their actions off of. i'm not gonna talk out of my ass about childhood development more than i understand it, but i don't think it's too controversial (?) of a take to claim that kids understand & learn about the world through watching it just as much as interacting with it, particularly when it comes to their own parents.

cartman is a piece of shit, and while a lot of that comes from him and his own bigotry, he's still ultimately a kid in show and you can trace where some of his worst traits originate from in the people around him, even if he makes the personal decision to push it as much as humanly possible. i think the trend in recent seasons for many adults to try and at least appear more pc only makes this more obvious, actually (coughcoughrandy), though talking about that is maybe biting off a little more south park politics than i'm willing to chew for this particular post.

point is, cartman as a character in particular does not have a lot, if anything, to base his idea of what a healthy, happy romantic relationship looks like, which isn't only because liane is single though that may be a major contributing factor. love isn't work to cartman, it isn't about the maintenance of a relationship or communication or all the more realistic and slightly less pleasant parts of loving someone that hollywood doesn't find dramatic or interesting enough to show. rather it's a fantasy, something that happens to people that they have no real control over. i wouldn't be surprised if he believes in soulmates or love at first sight, even if the likelihood of him admitting that out loud isn't especially high.

on the other hand, i think his view of sexuality is greatly influenced by not just liane's sex work, but the way she is slut-shamed and treated like garbage by the rest of the town for it. i tend to view cartman as having a very transactional, cynical view of sex and sexuality, where sex is only used for personal gain (whether that be money or power, likely at the expense of someone else/the submissive party), and sexuality is an inherent character flaw, a weakness that must be overcome unless you are able to twist it and use it for your own (material?) benefit- see the streaming wars & cartman wanting his mom to seduce a rich man for money as a recent example of this.

it's a running gag in TFBW that cartman uses douchebag catching their dad fucking their mom as a tragic backstory, and doesn't seem to understand how reproduction actually works even when kyle basically says it straight to his fucking face. even as a joke, there's still a lot of underlying truth behind why he would believe this. cartman is aware of his mom's sex work, even if he may not want to fully admit/believe it, largely because of situations where he's specifically getting shit for it. he knows he has a father, and that he is (in)directly responsible for said father's horrible death & consumption, but he only really cares about that insofar as it means he's half ginger. sex has only ever been presented through its most vicious power dynamics to him- why would he see it as a good thing, as something that could ever be loving, especially when contrasted against such an idealized, purified view of romance?

(you could also extrapolate from this how cartman associates sexuality & romance with femininity & his brand of sexism to get some particularly delectable transfem cartman ideas, but i digress.)

ANYWAYS. this is all to say that cartman having a crush on kyle (or anyone, really, but kyle is obviously the most emotionally volatile example) instantly pits those two conflicting views against one another, like he wants something that he doesn't even think could ever exist: a happy, healthy romantic relationship, where sex is just a normal thing that they can choose to do or not. this is where a lot of kyman angst comes from for me, with cartman either trying to stuff that round desire back into the square hole of how he views the world, or having his ideals fall ever further apart when the feelings are unrequited. and, on top of that, none of this being actually said out loud because communication is impossible.

this is why i always see kyman as making each other worse, especially if they actually manage to make it into a romantic relationship. i simply Do Not see kyle being a patient enough person to help cartman work through the intricacies of all of his expectations and idealized fantasies and internalized fears surrounding such mutually screwed views of romance & sexuality- on the rare occasions that kyle does show some interest in romantic relationships it's usually pretty centered around himself, and to be frank i only see his interest in romance going down as he gets older.

i've heard some people talk about kyle before like he's the "moral compass" of south park or whatever and while that may be true by the end of the episode, one of the things i like most about him is the fact that he struggles so much to get to the best conclusions. this is kind of getting back into the k2 side of this analysis, but where kenny manages a much more effortless selflessness, even pushing it to the point of being both a strength and a flaw when kenny stops caring about himself for the sake of others, kyle is a lot more self-centered than he cares to admit and it influences a lot of his attempts at being a good person.

this is both my favorite aspect of kyle, that he really has to put in the work to be the good person that he wants to be, and also the primary bad trait that i think cartman brings out of kyle. by being such a notoriously horrible shithead, he gives kyle the perfect target to unleash his annoyance on, getting him so caught up in arguing and proving himself to be the better person that kyle forgets to actually listen to the people that he's supposed to be standing up for. cartman is a fantastic troll and, at least in show, kyle definitely has not learned to stop feeding him argument fodder yet.

sidenote: about kyman entering a romantic relationship... wasn't sure where to add this, but it's for this exact reason that i also see kyman (or this version of kyman where cartman gets worse with age, rather than better) only actually happening in the universes where kyle has lost all other meaningful connections, to the point that feeding a troll to get off on an argument is the best possible option, even if he's old enough to know better. especially if he's old enough to know better.

again, k2 is the opposite of this for me in that i see kyle & kenny as having a lot of potential to bring out the best in each other.

if kyle's worst trait is that he gets too caught up in his own feelings & desires to truly be the good, selfless, thoughtful person that he wants to be to actually do genuine good for the sake of others, kenny's problem is that he skews too far in the opposite direction. i kinda already said this, but to state it outright: kenny's biggest strength and his biggest flaw are the exact same, that he is selfless to a fault, to the point of consistently putting other people's safety and happiness above his own when he thinks it would be of help the majority/the people he loves. this was the key kenny trait that was established by the end of BL&U, and it has only gotten more prominent in the years since with his mysterion persona.

it is in this way that kenny both stands as someone that kyle can look up to & admire for how effortlessly he dedicates himself to the people he cares about the most, but also, simultaneously, as someone that kyle can take care of himself and offer the same help back to. and i don't even think kenny needs to say very much out loud to push kyle towards a lot of these conclusions, he kinda just has to exist and be noticed and kyle has the intelligence to figure it out himself, to recognize the shit that kenny puts himself through and his (usually) quite noble reasons for doing so, and want to offer him the same love and care and dedication that kenny never allows himself to have.

really, the difficult part of this is being noticed at all in the first place. again, i said earlier that k2 is kinda "miraculously requited," in my mind, specifically because the aspect that's missing in the show and almost always must be provided by fan content for k2 is that spark/push forward that gets them close enough to start talking and for kyle to notice kenny in the first place. it's just lucky that's one of my favorite things to figure out and write for those two, hehehe.

[minaaaawaaaa]

Reblog/comment with your favorite things in South Park *fanon media. Here's some of mine, pairing-related separated since some people don't really care for that, which is totally fine

Craig being partly Peruvian (derived from Pandemic I & II); either not Thomas's or Laura's biological son and half-siblings with Tricia. Also him just being tall asf; I think his dad is supposed to be taller than the average adult male character. Also Craig balding early in adulthood LOL

Plot twist villain Cartman in larger-scale-plot fics

Also, Cartman still earning God's wrath when he really, really deserves it

Kyle being the absolute fussiest little shit you've ever seen, at any age, for good reason usually. This is pretty canon, but still it's important to maintain

I think it's never directly put out there in canon besides Tweek's name being so terrible, but the Tweaks have definitely had Tweek and half the town on meth for years

Tweek being super artsy and those practices helping him relax; visual arts, music, sewing/crotchet, etc.

Clyde Donovan, the most sensitive crybaby football player of All Time

Quarterback Stan, regardless of high school/college/NFL level

It's so sad but longtime-alcoholic-since-10 Stan :( I still love him

Not sure when/where it became popular as it isn't too evident in canon, but the weird Craig and Kenny often being pothead frenemies thing? Idk when or why it started but it's pretty fun

Burnout yet extremely dependable Kenny working a ton in high school and often shooting for custody of his little sister Karen once of legal age. Also him being a scientific/mathematical genius but never applying it to prioritize Karen's comfort and safety instead. Also him being super clean given his family situation

Stan being the 5-in-1 body wash friend and Kyle being a major skin care girlie

When ppl draw them in the show's style and when they make them actually look like they're 9

Adaptation of the wackier canon events into a more realistic context like maintaining Butters's eye injury through other means, Kenny being gone for extended periods of time, Stan secretly taking in animals, still playing superheroes. I recently read an anger management counseling fic where Cartman bit off a guy's finger in an argument which I assumed was a Scott Tenorman Must Die reference

Pairing-related

Tweek being closer to the Tuckers than his own parents; his own house being tidier but the Tuckers' being much more of a home

Craig's been gay since 2007, Season 11 episode 8, "Le Petit Tourette." No straight reason for asking to do "the coolest kid in the world's" laundry. Has a type for twitchy dudes--Thomas from that same episode and then his relationship with Tweek

Cartman's demented-ass crush on Kyle; Kyman shipper or not, that kid's got bigass issues. I do not ship Kyman but Eric's got a fucked up little obsession with Kyle. Bro saved his family from deadly L.A. smug because he couldn't live happily without having Kyle there to constantly argue with

Stan being the one to be super down bad for Kyle yet also be the one with more issues in the relationship. I love Stan but dude has way too much of Randy in him, he's gotta be a pain in the ass

Only Kenny calling Butters "Leo," with most characters not recognizing his actual name being Leopold; being sort of popular as a secretive background relationship and Kenny being very protective