#i love john & the boys soooo much

[sammygender]

so many people can’t conceptualise emotional neglect as anything other than ‘my parents were cold and distant and never talked about feelings with me’, and this, while being just a general awful problem of course, is also what leads to so much john winchester mischaracterisation. in this essay i will

[jimmyspades]

THE STICKUP (2002) | BOSTON LEGAL (2008)

[secondhandroad]

happy wincest wednesday! how do you think john would react to a sam/dean relationship? is he more of a "i'll pretend i didn't see anything," "i think this is for the best, since now you'll try to protect each other more," or "this is so fucked, i'm separating you" kind of guy? love to hear your thoughts! :) -lizzy

In season 14, John looks at his fucked up killing machine son, Dean Winchester, and is like “but :( I wanted you to get out…”. He says that to DEAN. This is, in his mind, after Mary, after fourteen-plus years on the road, after Sam going to Stanford and getting disowned for it. And he’s still telling himself dean is gonna get out some day.

This leads to my conclusion that the only way John can cope with what he’s done to his boys is deep, deep denial. He truly believes this is still temporary. They’re gonna kill that yellow eyed son-of-a-bitch and then go back to normal, like Mary would’ve wanted. He has the faith—that’s half of why he’s so mad that Sam leaves, because Sam clearly doesn’t believe that John can do it, that John can still slay the bad guy and return the family unit to safety.

So when he sees evidence that his boys are that fucked up by what he's done? That they're that codependent, that deeply enmeshed, that out of society? Yeah, it hits him hard. Because he let them get that twisted.

But like early seasons Sam and late seasons Dean, John turns his guilt to anger so he can live with it. It takes two seconds flat. And I think the focus of his anger is Dean. Dean's the oldest, but more than that, he's supposed to be John's second in command.

Dean's number one job is supposed to be protecting Sam. His number two job is to steer his poor fucked-up maybe-demon-tainted baby Sam right. He's supposed to make Sam train and fight off his bullies and make sure he knows monster from victim and take him to school and wake him up from nightmares. And he does this?

So yeah. I think John is devastated and furious and heartbroken, but the boys just get the furious. I don't think he's capable of separating them, assuming we're pre-Stanford, and therefore letting someone else raise one of his boys. But I do think he keeps Dean with him on jobs and leaves Sam back, and gets two hotel rooms when they're altogether (Sam and John in one, Dean in the other). And I think he tries not to think about Mary.

[sexilene]

husband!john b little thoughtsss.....

you loved soft moments like these, your husband holding onto your sweet baby girl. her eyes slowly drooping closed, all safe and sleepy in her dad’s arms, her chubby little cheek pressed against his shoulder. he does this while also multitasking and making some “breakfast-dinner” for the both of you, flipping pancakes with one hand, and my goodness, you could not be more in love with him right now.

you sit there on the table, in nothing but panties and john b’s old t-shirt, taking mental polaroids wanting nothing more than to give that boy a bunch of love, kisses, and kids. you don’t even have to talk or make conversation, both of you are completely comfortable in silence, besides the little noises the baby makes every so often.

and as soon as he helps put the baby down and you both are finished eating the sweet n sticky meal, he’s throwing you over his shoulder and carrying his wife to bed. if you think that man would be too tired coming back from a hard-working job to treat you nice n good then you are soooo wrong. he's opened the window to let the night breeze in and you tangle yourselves in eachothers arms in fresh bedsheets you washed earlier. your husband pulls you under him to kiss you slowly and sweetly in the dim light of your room trying your hardest not to giggle or make too much noise that would wake the baby up. usually, you two would engage in…marital activities but on days like these just being close, being in each other's arms is the perfect amount of intimacy.

“missed you so much,” you whisper between kisses, and john b hums, half-asleep and lovesick.

“I missed you more sweetheart, trust me, but i’m all yours this weekend,” he whispers, you can’t exactly see him due to how low the lighting is but you can feel he’s smiling against your lips.

"no work?"

"nmm mm, get to stay home and take care of my girls,"

ᡣ𐭩₊˚.⋆⁺₊

[rafesbunny]

she’s a ten but… - obx boys 🎀

how i think the boys would react to the “she’s a ten but” trend when reader just describes themself to see what the boys will say

rafe:

it 100% would take soooo much convincing for him to let you do this with him even on a good day, but he finally caved. and you’d start off with little things like, “she’s a ten but she takes ages to get ready” and he’s say something like “8/10” which is still good and as it progresses youd say more obvious things like “she’s a ten but she has an obsessive shoe collection” with a “as some might say” mumbled on the end, which is what rafe thinks. and he kind of had a feeling all along that he knew what you were doing but this just confirmed it and he’d say something like “hmmmm… i don’t know, sounds like some princess i’ve had to deal with recently… 10/10”

jj:

jj would not have a clue what’s going on, let’s be honest. you’d be like “she’s a ten but she’s kinda clingy” and he would say, “ughhh 5” and you’d just ignore not him at first thinking he was joking and that he knew what was happening but he kept on saying low scores and it didn’t seem like he was messing around anymore. especially when you’d say, “she’s a ten but she makes you take her wherever you go even if it’s with your friends” and he’d be so adamant saying, “nahh like a 2” and you’d just get up and walk away whispering, “i don’t like this game anymore” he’d realise after that and follow you immediately to make up for what he said.

john b:

john b secretly loves to do your little tiktoks with you, he would even start sending you ones you two could do together. he had already seen someone do this trend but he didn’t mention it cause he wanted to see if you’d do it with him. so throughout the whole thing he’d be smirking to himself, and giving nines and tens for all the answers. you’d even ask half way through off camera “have you seen this trend before” because you’re suspicious that he’s saying a girl would still be a 10/10 if they have to be constantly with you and relied solely on you, and he still wouldn’t let up saying “no baby, jus’ answering honestly” but that night while you two were cuddling in bed he’s finally confess, and you’d half heartedly slapped him on the chest.

[laiiaaa]

THE PART WHERE YOU KISS ME — JJ MAYBANK

summary: You're stuck with the job of getting a very drunk, very lovesick JJ into bed.

length: 2.4k

contains: tooth-rotting fluff, obsessed boyfriend JJ, soooo touchy he can't keep his hands off of you (can you tell my love language is physical touch lmfao???), mentions of heavy drinking of course, zero plot, he's a flirty little freak and i hate him

note: Not the happiest with this but I haven't posted in a week and I'm in the middle of writing three other pieces right now...so take this as an apology gift for not having the GFAW chapter out yet <3

Driving to the Chateau this late is never ideal, especially when you’re tired and ticked off from a busy shift. Your feet and back ache, your head could use a few Advil, and you would be perfectly happy to stay home and sleep for twelve hours. 

But when Kie calls you, groaning and saying Your boyfriend is wasted and won’t shut up about you and you need to come pull him to bed, you go. It’s as simple as that, really. Partially because JJ is already painfully stubborn when sober and only gets worse as the night goes on (code for: he won’t listen to anyone but you), and partly because you get a sweet kick out of his clinginess and extra loving.

So when you finally pull up and hop out of your car, the sound of Pope sighing Finally doesn’t surprise nor offend you.  Kie and Sarah scurry over, welcoming you with hugs and jokes about how sorry they are they had to call you while John B and Pope still tend to the drunken blonde.

“It’s alright,” you assure them, “I don’t mind.” And you really don’t, not at all, not when he acts all the more helplessly in love with you.

The bonfire still burns on, red-hot embers breaking off into the midnight sky. Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon plays from a speaker nearby, and beer bottles litter the ground as you approach. The fire’s warmth wraps around you, a handle of Tito’s—only half full—entering your field of vision as you find JJ reclined back on the ground, an arm thrown over his eyes while his other hand taps along to the song. You crouch down next to him and hear him hum in tune.

John B stands behind you, feeling a little helpless. “He’s been talking about you nonstop since he got, like, three shots deep.”

“And as much as we love you guys together,” Sarah adds, leaning into the boy’s side, “He doesn’t listen very well once he gets started.”

You shoot them a smile over your shoulder. “It’s okay, I get it. You guys can head in if you want, this might take a while.” The two lovebirds wave you goodnight as they walk back inside with Kie and Pope, and you turn your attention back to your exceptionally troublesome boy. “JJ? Time to go to bed.”

He grumbles without moving an inch. “I told you to fuck off, Sarah, I just wanna see my girl.”

Your heart flutters at the name—his girl. You’ve never heard him call you that. Does he seriously think you’re Sarah? “Your girl?”

“Yeah, you know the gorgeous one?”

“Might ring a bell.”

“Yeah, well, she’s the most…the most beautiful person in the history of…of forever, and she’s mine, so get outta here n’…go flirt with John B or somethin’.” He lazily waves you off, mumbling something you don’t quite hear.

A smile fights its way to the surface, and you gently place your hand on the smooth plane of his shoulder. “Oh, but I wanted to flirt with you instead. How’s that sound, hm?”

He quickly pushes your touch away. “It sounds like my girl’s gonna kill you any second now, so watch it, Blondie.” He slurs his words as he speaks, pulling giggles from your lips. You gently take his wrist in your hand to remove his arm from his eyes and press a kiss where your fingertips touch him. His eyes stay closed, and he juts his chin in the opposite direction in protest.

“Jay, baby, I’m not killing anyone anytime soon,” you coo, leaning over his chest and face while running a hand through his hair. 

He opens one eye, suspicious of your claims, but quickly realizes it’s you, and turns to look at you like he’ll never get the chance to do it again, his expression swallowed by a smile. “When did you get here, baby?”

“Oh, just now,” you answer, laughter lacing your words, “Kie called me over.” You press a kiss to his forehead before sitting back up, your hand quickly taken by his.

“You should’ve come sooner.” His other hand makes its way to your thigh, smoothing over your skin. “I was waiting for you, all by myself, and—” he abruptly sits up— “there’s something I have to tell you,” he whispers. He casts a glance to the Chateau. “It’s top secret.”

With him this close, you can smell the vodka on his breath. “Yeah? What is it?” You loop your arms around his neck and scratch at the nape of his neck, to which he instinctively responds by wrapping his arms around your waist and rubbing the palms of his hands along your back.

“This is top secret, classified information, princess, you can’t just get it for free. Everything comes with a price.” A sly little grin comes over him, tugging you a little closer.

Knowing JJ, you already know where this is headed. You decide to play along anyway: “Name it, then. I’m sure we can strike a deal somehow.”

He mulls over his words before saying, “Hear me out.”

“I’m listening.”

“You—” he points at your chest— “give me three—no, five kisses for the info up front.” When you raise your eyebrows in suspicion, he continues, “And every follow up question is worth another kiss.”

“This must be very important information.”

“Very.” His hands, still soaking in the feeling of you beneath them, start to play with the hem of your tank top, fingertips slipping beneath the fabric to feel skin. “Better pay up soon.”

You feign a look of shock and place a hand on his chest. “I didn’t even agree yet, don’t get too excited.” 

He pouts with furrowed brows, convinced his offer would be impossible to resist. “Why? Baby, come on,” he urges, holding you tighter, “This is the part where you kiss me.” His eyelids droop with drunkenness and fatigue as he presses his lips to your neck, but you quickly take his jaw in your hand and pull him away. 

“Ah ah ah,” you tease. “You come to bed first, then I’ll give you kisses for your secrets.”

“But I don’t wanna go to bed.” His hands work their way from your waist down to your hips again, soon grazing your thighs the way he knows erupts butterflies in your stomach. “I wanna stay here with you…have you boss me around. You’re very sexy when you do it.” He smirks while looking up at you, and you know for a fact he’s just trying to push your buttons.

You roll your eyes and push his face away as you start to stand up. “You’re a pain in the ass, I hope you know that.” As bitter as you try to sound, you’ll always have a soft spot for him the way he does for you, especially when your bitterness is met with that beautiful smile of his. You hold out both hands, towering over him and urging him to stand. “C’mon, Jay.”

He leans his weight onto his hands, stubborn as always. “Will you stay the night?”

“Not if you keep this up, I won’t.” You lend him a condescending smile. 

“But Baby,” he groans, finally complying now that the stakes have been raised. “I haven’t seen you all day, and I miss you.” He starts to shuffle where he sits, taking hold of your hands as you pull him up, dizziness causing him to stumble into your arms. “Can’t a boy just get some love from his girl?” 

There he goes again—his girl. 

You loop his arm over your shoulder and wrap yours around his waist as you lead him into the Chateau, surrounded by his warmth and the smell that’s so distinctly him: a bit of beachiness, mandarin and musky from his body wash, a hint of marijuana.

“You’re very kind,” he rambles on, “for coming here so late. I missed you.”

“I know, baby. You told me.”

He makes his way up the steps with you, following as you open the door. “Well, I’m making sure you’re sure.”

“I’m sure, love.” You smile to yourself, a little caught off guard with how open he’s become.

“I still have to tell you that top secret information,” he whispers, leaning down to your ear-level. His body wraps around you as you stand in front of him to open the door to his bedroom, his arms start to wrap around your waist again. “And you still owe me kisses for it.”

You usher him into his room, shutting the door behind you. “C’mon, let’s get into bed. That was the rule.”

He does as you wish without complaint for once, though when he does sit at the edge of his bed, he also pulls you to stand in between his legs. “I’m in bed now.”

“I can see that,” you giggle, hands massaging his neck and shoulders.

“Does this mean you’ll give me a kiss now?”

“Not yet.” You tug at the fabric of his shirt. “Take this off, please?” You don’t think much when you say it, but once the words slip out and you see JJ’s brows raise as a cocky smirk crosses his face, you realize you need to cover your tracks.

He bites his tongue to oblige, nabbing the back of his tee before pulling it over his head. Revealed to you are his broad shoulders, his chest, those toned arms that are, admittedly, to die for, though you’d never tell him that directly. 

“You’re trying to undress me, baby?” he asks, too quick for you to correct yourself. His hands take purchase of your hips before taking up your thighs, his hands molding to your curves and getting treacherously close to your inner thighs.

Your face goes hot—why is he so good at this?—but you keep a straight face and grab his face, one hand cupping his jaw while the other supports the back of his head. “Do you want your kiss or not?” 

“Yes ma’am,” he responds, almost immediately. His eyes glaze over, entranced by everything you are. A drunk smile is sent your way, and he can’t really tell whether the tingling all over his body is just from the vodka, or if it’s your hands on his body, your snippy tone that he knows is full of love. He’s sure that no matter how flustered he can make you, it’ll never compare to how you make him feel with even the slightest of touches.

Your grip goes soft, and you rake your hand through his hair, his eyes falling shut and his head gone slack into your hands. “You’re beyond wasted, aren't you?”

He laughs heartily now, eyes still shut as he nods his head. “I can’t keep my eyes open any longer, princess.” Giggles line his words and his face scrunches in a smile, dimple on display.

“How much did you drink?”

“A few beers.”

“And?” You tug lightly on his hair.

“Mm, some vodka, maybe. A few shots.” His hands drag from the backs of your thighs, to your hips, to your waist.

“JJ.” You stare down at his clearly vodka-dazed face. “How many is a few?”

He hums to himself, as deep in thought one can be when wasted. “Maybe seven…or nine…don’t remember,” he mumbles.

You sigh to yourself, not surprised by his recklessness but still not all too happy with it. 

But before you can formulate a single thought, a single articulated response, he starts to pout—eyes still closed of course, because your boy is nothing if not a truth-teller. “You sound mad.” Even when wasted he knows you so well.

“I’m not,” you fib a little, for his own sake. You kiss his forehead, then his cheek before letting go of him entirely to pull back the covers for him. “Come on, time to sleep, yeah?” You give a soft tug on his hand as his body goes pliant.

He slowly but surely crawls properly into bed, giving you a show of his back muscles flexing and relaxing before falling face-first into his pillow with a hmph. You lay down next to him as he lifts his arm with all his might, slowly turning onto his side to make space for you. Legs intertwine without words, the warmth of his body blankets your senses, his weight grounds you.

“You need to hurry, princess. I need to…need to give you the information.” The words are half-muffled by his pillow, and his eyes are still shut. 

“Oh. We’re still doing that?” You’re surprised he even remembers the information at this point—whatever it might be. 

He squeezes you tighter into his body, pulling a smile from you as he groans. “Yes, we’re still doing that…it’s important. You need three more…”

“Okay, okay,” you soothe, and you press a kiss to his shoulder. “Does that count?”

“Mhm, two more.” A stupid, drunk, terribly charming grin crosses his face, and it feels like you’re falling for him all over again, teetering at the edge of a cliff. His arm, still heavy on your waist, shifts a little, and his fingers dance along your back and light fires where they touch.

You curl your hand, gently, along the crook of his neck and kiss his jaw. “And that counts as well?”

With the way you’re whispering your words into his neck, JJ swears he could die happily. “Mm, sure does.”

For the fifth and final kiss, the corner of his mouth. It curls into your kiss like he knew it was coming, and you give him one more just for good measure—and, maybe, because seeing him smile is worth his weight in gold. You brush your hand through his hair before hugging him a little tighter towards your chest, all too aware now that you won’t be getting any information out of him the rest of the night. This minor inconvenience, however, doesn’t seem to compare to having him in your arms, his breath against your neck, his arm wrapped around you to tell you he’s there, and he’s there to stay, and he wants to be there more than anywhere else.

You think that you could play this game a million times over. The part where you kiss him—that is, when his lovely, sweet little smile peeks through that rough shell—will never get old enough to retire.

(But for tonight, you can live without more of his drunken teasing. Just for tonight.)

[cdbabymp3]

need to know what it's like when hamzahs high ... weird request??

𐙚faded ― hamzahthefantastic

summary: how i imagine hamzah would be high as well as w his gf ! these are just my own interpretations idk idk !

notes/warnings: sfw & slight nsfw !! (sections are marked) weed lol :3 NOT A WEIRD REQUEST AT ALL i was already planning on writing this

sfw

-he's a silly guy, but when he's high...

-soooo giggly and stupid dude

-this boy is laughing at damn near everything

"hamzah, what's so funny??"

"i forgot i was wearing pants for a second-UHHH AHAHAH... why do i wear these camo pants like every fuckin' day though? they should sponsor me, honestly. realtree or john deer .... i could run them a check, y'know?"

^he kinda just talks to himself 😭

-he's less uptight about certain things and you can tell

-normally if you guys come home and there's a bunch of dirty dishes or there's traffic on the way to a dinner date reservation he'll get quiet and stressed

-but when he's had a couple hits literally nothing matters lmao

-dirty dishes? whatever, he'll opt to watch a movie with you instead and do it later

-traffic? no biggie, he'll blast your shared playlist and sing every lyric at the top of his lungs

-he's way more needy when he's high, physically and emotionally

-grabs your hand to stay when you get up from the couch to go pee

-has definitely cried over the phone to you while high before bc he missed you :(

-since he's not an overly sappy person sober, when he's high it all sort of spills out

"i just love you, y/n, i love you so much. i feel like i never show you or say it enough but-fuck i do. i do i do i do..." and he'll kiss the entire surface area of your face until you have to pry him off of you to breathe

-the munchies after are actually insane ... a whole ass mukbang feast !! he's shirtless (beanie still on ofc) fucking up chicken sandwich after chicken sandwich and feeding you fries 💝

-likes to get high with you so much more than on his own

-he'll put on music and you guys will dance or lay on the floor and just spout the most personal, deep conversations

-you guys tried to hotbox in his car one time and martin complained about the smell for WEEKS so smoke sessions have been reserved to hamzah's living room and back patio since then

nsfw

-when he's high he fucks how he wishes he could when sober

-he's overall less anxious about satisfying you or not being good at what he's doing

-he lets loose for sure ...

-thinks he's being all rough (he's really not) but it's definitely different than his usual submissive tendencies

-since he's so in tune with his body when high, he's going inside you deep ... and slow ... so fucking slow ....

-he goes so deep to the point where you have to put a hand against his torso to stagger his thrusts

-sex when he's high is more for the feeling of doing it rather than finishing (for him at least, he always makes sure you finish<3)

-LOVES to shotgun the smoke into your mouth and give you a fat sloppy kiss afterwards

i hate how this turned out

oh well !! many more requests to get to 👩‍🍳

໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა taglist ; @forevergirlposts , @junebugin-july , @itgirlvirgo

(lmk if u wanna be added !!)

[menlove]

dear boy is so insane to me bc even if it's not about john (and honestly I rlly dk how much I buy into the theory that it is about john- although I'd fully believe paul used john as Partial inspiration bc he loves double meaning) the fact that JOHN thought it was about john is just. soooo incredibly revealing about the relationship they had. like idk about anyone else but even if I had the world's biggest crush on my friend I would Not assume and insist that song was about me. it's genuinely so wild.

[blippymilk]

Dirt Bike Racer Fem! Reader x Brozone (+ Poppy)

(TYSM for all the love, request, and followers guys!! The little comments y’all be putting on your request and under my post make me wanna tear up a lil bit 🤧)

John Dory:

- Finds it incredibly hot that you’re a (famous) dirt bike racer

- Didn’t know you were a female at first until you took off your helmet and revealed your (GORGEOUS) self

- Never thought he had a chance with you tbh :(

- But then realizes HE’S JOHN DORY, THE LEADER, J.D and gets the courage to ask you out (however that story ends up is up to you)

- When you guys finally end up together his heart is content

- Although sometimes he feels that he has to go beyond his expectations because his girlfriend is literally a dirt bike racer!

- So yes his ego is hurt a little bit (but he’ll never stop loving you so don’t even worry)

- He would love to take your motorcycle for a ride all day

- And if he doesn’t know how to ride one yet (which I doubt) he will (put his ego aside and) ask for lessons (don’t tell anyone though)

- Definitely getting matching cycles

Spruce:

- Kinda thinks you’re a walking hazard/danger sign at first

- But Bruce believes the heart wants what the heart wants and it wanted you

- Has to get used to the loud noises your motorcycle makes when you take off anywhere, but eventually gets over it

- Loves riding on the motercycle with you after a couple months

- Has you under a oath to never speak about the time he tried to take it for a ride by himself with zero experience (🫢)

- Makes sure the keys (or anything that the lock can be picked with) for the motorcycle are always out of reach if you decide to have kids

- Doesn’t mind you taking the kids for a ride (but they have to be 10 or older 😢)

- Definitely wears a shirt that says ‘My wife is a famous dirt bike racer, how about you?’

Clay:

- You definitely bring out the fun in him (and he hates that at first)

- You met him during his serious boy Clay get up so at first he didn’t take you too seriosuly

- But when he learns it’s ok to loosen up, he found himself falling for you (he been loved you, he’s just embracing it now)

- Wants to be on your motorcycle more than you do

- Definitely already knew how to ride one (he was fun boy Clay soooo)

- Teach him all the crazy tricks in the book, he’ll end up mastering them all

- Please convince this man to wear a helmet cause if you don’t , he’s not even touching one

- Screaming all types of things while on the bike

“I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND!”

Floyd:

- It’s a little weird with Floyd

- Like he loves and supports the fact that you’re a dirt bike racer but he doesn’t think about it too much (at least for the first part of the relationship)

- Secretly terrified of the roaring of your engine behind his calm smile

- You didn’t realize he was either until one day he walked into your garage and you started it up, causing him to completely fall onto his back

“Oh my gosh Floyd are you ok?

“Yea bab- yeah I’m fine…”

- Unlike the other boys, you have to convince him to ride on your bike

- Sit him in front of you so he’s convinced you won’t leave him behind :(

-Eventually he learns to enjoy it to some degree (still prefers the car tho if you know what I mean)

- Attends every event you have with the biggest “____’s #1 FAN!” sign anyone there can bring, and please don’t let him find out if someone is trying to show him up 😭

Branch:

- Ok let’s be honest if you met him during his first Trolls movie phase, he would actually despise you (at least at first)😭

- The nerve he’d think you’d have to turn on your loud engine while the village could possibly be hunted down by bergens

- After the first movie events and knowing everyone’s fine and well, he starts to show some interest

- You may or may not catch him at one or two or all of your events

- He can’t decide if he wants to ride your bike or not

- Like you’ll offer to take him for a ride and every time he’s just like:

“Well- like…um- ye- well actually, wait no, actually…maybe- well…”

- It’s to the point where if you want him to go with you, you’re gonna need to snatch him on and put the helmet on his head

- Since he’s one of the few trolls that knows about the internet, he made a fan account for you where he uploads all your clips, and makes sweet commentary and deletes all hate comments and possibly comments “____ is better” on fan accounts for any opposing riders

Poppy:

- You might have to run away from this girl at first

- Begs to ride your bike before you’re even together

- And when she is with you like Bruce she feels the need to take it upon herself to try and ride the bike

- Let’s just say she enjoyed your physical attention and the way you kissed her “boo-boo’s” afterwards

- So by the time she heals you’ve learned to take Poppy for frequent rides

- Has no shame in asking for lessons at all

- Definitely asks you to take, her, and Viva for a joyride

- Let’s the whole pop village know that her girlfriend is a famous dirt bike rider (as if they don’t already know 💀)

“Oh you’re boyfriend’s a baker? That’s crazy cause my girlfriends a dirt bike racer!”

“No way she’s a CEO? Mine ride’s a dirt bike, and she’s well know!”

“You’re girlfriends a top secret spy for the biggest agents in the world? That’s insane, my girlfriend rides a dirt bike!”

[kindestofkings]

dear john

elijah hewson x singer!reader

(ex!charles leclerc cause hes a hot red flag)

plot: its giving friends to strangers to friends again to lovers 🫶🏼

face claim: laufey <3

warning: spelling mistakes

authors note: this is for the lovely anon who requested a speak now inspired smau ! Hope this is okay?!? I was tempted by doing something on the vibe of speak now the song but imma think on it 🫡

yourusername

liked by charlesleclerc and others

yourusername wow last night on tour was something special 😢 to everyone who sangs my songs back to me and everyone who's supported my little dreams, I LOVE YOU.

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lucydacus killing it !

yourusername luv you <333

phoebebridgers voice of an ANGEL

yourusername ooh stop im blushinggg

charlesleclerc beautiful as always mon ange

ynfan1 post concert blues are toooo real

wagsandstuff

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wagsandstuff huh that doesn't look like yourusername to us.... did the couple of 3 years break up without telling us??

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ynfan1 nooooooo that girl on twitter was right ah

ynandcharlesshipper charlessss man don't do this

charlesfan she was always feeding off of him

ynfan2 she has her own career you do know that right? she a really popular singer

ynfan2 not charles cheating on our QUEEN

yourusername just unfollowed charlesleclerc

yourusername just added to their story!

lol gonna go heal my heart I guess lol

replies:

yourmum awh my beautiful girl :( glad you're coming home 💘

↳ can't wait to see you mam

yourbestfriend men are literal pigs.

phoebebridgers he's an idiot, here for you if you need anything

elijahhewson hey I know it's been awhile since we last spoke, but the lads and I are always here for you. I should've been better at keeping in touch, but I'm so sorry this happened to you.

↳ hey E, missed you! I'm just as much at fault, guess we all just got so busy with tours (both so successful heheh). where abouts in the world are you? I'm heading home for awhie maybe we could all catch up?

↳ elijahhewson deadly! myself, ryan and josh are home and bobby is back next week, call around whenever

inhalerfanaccount

liked by inhalerfan1 and others

inhalerfanaccount did you guys know that yourusername is friends with inhaler??? I found all of these oldies while lurking her insta !

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inhalerfan1 bless they're so young, they all must of been friends during school !

inhalerfan2 crazy to think they've all become so successful

ynfan1 wow my two worlds colliding

ynfan2 I've always secretly hoped yn and eli would get together

inhalerfanaccount friends to strangers to friends to lovers hits soooo hard

yourusername

liked by bobbyskeetz and others

yourusername time is a terrifying thing..

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yourmam I could probably find an even earlier pic...

bobbyskeetz I beg please no inhalerfan1 pleaseeeeee

elijahhewson smash x4

joshjenkinson_ the gang getting back together has 2024 winninggg

(liked by yourusername,ryanmcmahon_15 and others)

ynfan1 yesss bitch remind that silly boy who drives in circles of all the hot friends you have !!!

(liked by elijahhewson and others) ynfan2 hahahah eli woke up and choose chaos

yourusername

liked by phoebebridgers and others

yourusername turning all this heartbreak into something good ! dear john is the rawest I've ever been in my songwriting, treat her with love x

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ynfan1 so so incredibly beautiful, thank you for sharing

lucydarcus you're a wonder

ryanmcmahon_15 sobbing uncontrollably and ready to fight him

bobbyskeetz you good bro ?

charlesfan1 tough day to be a charles fan

ynfan2 omg those lyrics are HEARTBREAKING

inhalerfanupdates

liked by eliswife and others

inhalerfanupdates WHO HAS THIS MAN SO SMILEY???

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inhalerfan1 FOR REAL?? hes usually so moody

elijahhewson posted to their close friends!

replies yourusername pure stalker when did you take this pic??

vogue

liked by yourusername and others

vogue with just days before the release of her highly anticipated spohmore album we chatted to yourusername about love, loss and all things in between;

" you dont realise how easy love can be until you're with the right person. its the most annoying thing to hear when you dont have it but some how I was fortunite enough to discover"

find out what else the singer told us at the link in our bio !

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yourusername THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME

ynfan1 shes so happy and in love

ynfan2 how can one person be so talented, smart AND intelligent

charlesfan1 eww cant believe charles used to date her!

ynfan3 love how shes not petty like the leclerc fangirlies clearly still are..

yourusername

liked by elijahhewson and others

yourusername a year and a half ago I had my heartbroken, felt completed untethered and so so confused. today I give you my pride and joy!

this album features songs I wrote as a sobbing mess, some I wrote while I was healing and finally some I wrote after I opened my eyes and embraced what I had all along.

I love them all, I love everyone who worked on it with me and I escially love you.

comments have been restricted

yourusername

liked by lucydarcus and others

yourusername one single thread of gold tied me to you <3

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elijahhewson hell was the journey

yourusername but it brought me heaven. bobbyskeetz gross yourusername child

joshjenkinson_ my parents

yourmam my favourite pair !

evehewson sobbing it was always meant to be

phoebebridgers the sweetest love for the sweetest soul

(liked by elijahhewson and yourusername)

ynfan1 OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

finished

authors note: ahh im a broken record with the friends from home trope but its my favourite 🥲 hope you all enjoy, please as always let me know what you think!!

[nztsume]

i think the thing that interests me the most about homelander is 10000% the fact that hes redeemable and likable just because of the fact of how much he loves the people he loves and how much he needs to be loved by them. like that makes him SO interesting to me, and the more we discover about him the more his insanity makes sense. the fact that nobody ever in his life saw him as any other than a product or a message or a pennant but never a HUMAN, and the fact that he himself doesnt want to see himself as a HUMAN when he so clearly is because all of this!!! the fact that hes gets so pathetically obsessed with any woman that shows him some love and attention, even if its fake! the way he refused to kill maeve because a part of him genuinely loves her still, the fact that when annie kissed him for the fake dating thing he was genuinely GENUINELY into it, and not in a sexual way. he fucking SMILED into the kiss??????? 'i'm glad you're here'???????????? the way stormfront never gave him any genuine show of affection, when it was clearly all about the sex and the power she had over him and he still didnt see it because he was so glad there was a woman who was willingly giving him what he understood as affection (that for her was just sex) idk i just feel like theres something so innocent about his character that the rest of the guys in the boys dont have - which is a clear reflection of how traumatized he was in the lab, how he never quite understood how to navegate his emotions as a grown up and develop actual self love. he loves homelander, but does he love john? everyone loves homelander, but who loves john? im obsessed. and i love how this spills into things that men who stan him actually would never accept or understand- like the fact that he doesnt even care about looks, he doesnt even care about his own supposed ideals where he considers supes superior to humans. he doesnt even care about loyalty!!!! otherwise hed loved firecracker. he simply wants a woman who will love him, really love him, like nobody ever loved him in his life. (and if you think about it thats soooooooo tragic. imagine not even having parents that love you... not even your own fucking child!!!! despite you doing everything to make him not have to go through what you went through!!!! despite giving him your undivided attention- even when youre one of the most important people in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and by the way, im really glad they didnt go for a super easy and predictable storyline where sister sage would pretend she loves him to manipulate him- because that would have been incredibly boring. and one last thing: this is soooo silly and petty but this is why the single most infuriating and insufferable thing in the fandom is the way men stan him, because in universe, theyd literally be the kind of people homelander would fucking hate LMFAOOOO because they ignore all of these essential parts of his character because they are too busy wankin over ashley look at me

[brotherwtf]

Nah but sub! Top Bucky being a brat, Gale tying Bucky down and just riding Bucky and edging him until he’s sobbing!

Your writing is soooo good! I love it so much

THESE ARE HOLY WORDS SUB TOP BRAT BUCKY??? meet me at the altar rn this is basically a marriage proposal to me

nah but John is a BRAT, especially when he's had a couple of drinks in him. he'll talk back to Gale, maybe makes fun of him a little bit for not liking sports or drinking, but Gale is used to this so he doesn't entertain it

but John keeps pushing, keeps getting on Gale's nerves, keeps being like "what are you going to do about it? punish me?" think along the lines of the Stalag fight, fighting until he literally can't fight anymore

so when Gale finally breaks, he shoves John into their bedroom, forces him on the bedroom and says "yeah, I am gonna punish you. But you'd probably like it, you're a fucking whore for it," and oh, John is in HEAVEN

since he doesn't know when to quit, John keeps talking instead of playing it safe and shutting up, goading Gale and telling him he won't really punish John, he loves him too much

but Gale has this stern expression on his face when he grabs his ropes, forces John to strip, and of course when John doesn't want to spread his legs or arms Gale forcefully takes them and chooses to be rough with him

of course this is about the time where John realizes he's goofed, especially when Gale takes off his clothes nice and slow, maintaining eye contact with him the entire time

he does that thing that drives John crazy where he reaches across his stomach to lift his shirt up, pushing his ass out so it accentuates both his ass and his waist, and Johns basically pulling at his restraints because Gale looks so damn HOT, but he can't touch

he realizes this is his punishment, having to watch Gale pleasure himself while John can't touch him at all, and he's fucking gone, all bets are off

Gale would seductively crawl between his legs, suck him off while looking obscenely up through his lashes, making those obnoxious moans and gags as he takes all of John into his throat

he sucks and swallows until Johns bucking his hips up, he's so close and he thinks that Gale might just let him come, but Gale pulls off and shakes his head, climbing off of the bed to grab the lube

John's shaking at this point, he's so achingly hard he can hardly stand it, and it doesn't help that Gales purposefully bending over just so, god Gale is just being such a tease

Gale forces John to watch as he opens himself up, makes those same obnoxious noises from before just to make John go crazy, and the poor boy is whining now, begging for Gale to let him touch

but Gale just shrugs his shoulders, "you should have thought about that before you decided to be bratty tonight" and immediately bottoms out on John's cock

it punches the prettiest sounds from John, lovely little sobs and whimpers as Gale rides him, pressing his hands into the muscle of John's chest and squeezing, overstimulating him just so

Gale can tell John's close when his whimpers get even higher in his throat, so he pulls off right before John's going to come, cooing at the way John's hips thrust into the air to get some release

John begs and begs for Gale to let him come, but Gale shrugs his shoulders, tells him he should have been good, and orders John to put his clothes back on, he wasn't going to come tonight no matter how much he begged

[babydollmarauders]

Soooo I got drunk for the first time tonight, I’m just wondering how all the boys from the AU’s would react to a drunk reader (thank god for auto correct because I’m still drunk while typing this)

omg i hope you’re being safe!! and that you don’t get a hangover!

thank you brynn for helping me with these!!

jack and lovie — lovie extremely rarely gets drunk, but she’s a very…. lovey drunk! she gets clingy and just absolutely attaches herself to jack, so he doesn’t have to do much to take care of her. but he’s definitely so gentle about it. when they get back home, he’s carrying her to their room in order to make sure they don’t wake up el. he’s wearing a goofy smile in response to her drunken mumbles of how much she loves him, whispering ‘i love you’s back to her as he helps her change into pajama’s, gently rubbing her makeup off with a makeup wipe before changing his own clothes, crawling in next to her and holding her tight.

jack and dove — dove is a wild ‘dance on tables’ drunk, so jack would have to keep an eye on her all night- a hand around her waist to make sure she doesn’t run off, cutting off her alcohol when he decides she’s too rowdy, keeping an eye on her as she dances with john and dawson, coaxing her off tables if she tries to climb onto them, and at the end of the night, he would get her greasy food and watch in loving awe as she eats every last bite while doing a little drunken happy dance.

luke and dolly — we’ve previously discussed on my blog what kind of drunk dolly is, and she’s a ‘wanders off and finds stray animals’ drunk. so luke would keep her under constant surveillance. a finger wrung through one of her belt loops at all times in order to ensure she doesn’t wander off, and if somehow she convinces him to let her go (ie: saying she has to use the bathroom) and then she wanders off, he has her location on so that he can track her and he usually finds her out in the alleyway with a stray cat on her lap. he doesn’t know how she always coerces the cats to come to her, but he has to gently talk through it with her and explain to her drunken mind that she can’t wander off because what if something happens and he can’t find her? and he has to bargain with her that they can’t bring a stray cat home and that he knows how upsetting that is to her and how sad it is for the cats, but that if she willingly leaves it alone, they can watch a true crime documentary together before bed

john and shortcake — shortcake would be an emotional drunk! she can go from happy to crying to yelling to never ending apologies to laughing in the span of ten to twenty minutes because the alcohol would enhance her emotions. but john knows exactly how to care for her when she’s that emotional, ranging from softly rubbing her back when she’s yelling, to holding her and offering her food when she’s sad, to kissing her quiet when she feels guilty and is apologetic for the earlier yelling! and he knows exactly what to say to bring a smile to her face in a matter of seconds, which is always met from john with a “there’s that pretty smile.” which makes shortcake blushy!

[kakashixhatakesxwhore]

CAN WE GET A ALBUMS YHEY WOULD FUCK WITH PART TWO? any characters u want!!

teehee i didn't know y'all rocked w the first - lmk if i missed anyone, or if you want a girls version/an akatsuki version - thank you so much for the request!! :)

Albums I Think They Would Fuck With 2

They: Choji, Kiba, Shino, Sai, Neji, Lee, Kankuro, Gaara, Shisui, Gai, Asuma, Yamato, Jiraiya

Summary: Which of my fav albums I think each of my fav Naruto men would enjoy the most - also a classic rock recommendation list (if you rock w the character, you'd probably get down to the album)

Fav not here? Try part 1, or send me a request!

Masterlist💿

Choji

Without a Net (Live) by The Grateful Dead

Choji would be soooo salty that he never got to go to a Dead show, because he doesn't think their studio albums hold a candle to their live performances. That said, he would adore the Grateful Dead, without long and experimental their songs are (there's something to appreciate about not having to flip the record for an hour, instead of forty minutes).

Kiba

Pet Sounds by The Beach Boys

Deadass, he would think Pet Sounds is a much better album than Sgt. Pepper, and there is no way to convince him otherwise. Kiba would want to be a Wilson brother.

Shino

Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme by Simon & Garfunkel

Ugh, so relaxing, so dreamy, and so easy to sing along. Shino would so love this album, because it would relax him in a way that only Si & Garf could.

Sai

Begin Here by The Zombies

Sai would love the shredding vocals and how full the music is, even the sad songs - the lyrics from multiple songs off this album would speak to him on multiple levels.

Neji

Deliver by The Mamas and The Papas

Melancholic but gentle, while still delivering strong, hopeful messages? Yeah, pen Neji down rn.

Lee

Love Grows & Other Gems by Edison Lighthouse

Screaming and crying over this - Lee would be so taken by the love songs, and he'd be whistling the darling melodies all the time. Even the ballads, Lee would be singing so beautifully.

Kankuro

Thirty Three & 1/3 by George Harrison

Would love the jazz, love the symbolism, love George Harrison. Kankuro would find this album chock-full of bangers. Not one of these tunes would be skipped, not until Kankuro has experienced it (he also will turn back the needle if he felt he wasn't appreciating a song properly).

Gaara

The Stranger (Legacy Edition) by Billy Joel

Needs to be the Legacy Edition, because Gaara fucks with the B-side heaviest (y'all need to indulge rn). He literally cries to Billy Joel's voice, and loves to forget about things while he listens to this album.

Shisui

Moving by Peter, Paul and Mary

Happy cries to this album over memories that aren't even his. He wouldn't be able to stop himself from singing along, especially to Puff and Tiny Sparrow.

Gai

Tommy by The Who

He would go an see the live show - and he would think that Tommy was a real person (before he sits down to chew on the possibility of a deaf, dumb, and blind kid being a pinball champion). Gai would still find the spirit of Tommy to be an inspiration and a testament to the power of youth.

Asuma

Physical Graffiti by Led Zeppelin

Hot damn, what is there to say? Asuma would literally wish he was John Bonham (Jimmy Page would be a far too ambitious pick, and he would know that, but never admit it).

Yamato

It Ain't Me Babe by The Turtles

Awe, sweetie!!! He would love this album for the love songs, but tell everyone he loved it for the revolution ballads (also lowk hates the stereo recordings, but finds mono too boring).

Jiraiya

Monty Python Sings by the Monty Python troupe

Oh, he fucks with regular music too, of course. But these. These songs would make him laugh so hard, on top of being so strangely good, and he would fuck with the Monty Python movies so hard.

[dontyouworrydaddy]

Hi could I ask for the cod boys coming back from deployment finding out their so adopted another kitten, so didn't want their first cat to be lonely 🥺

𝒶 𝓃𝑒𝓌 𝒻𝒶𝓂𝒾𝓁𝓎 𝓂𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇

Task Force 141

AHHHHHHH! I love cats soooo much and writing this WAS SO MUCH FUNNNNN! And oh my god… Johnny would definitely call his first cat ghost and price would name his first cat gaz. Can’t change my mind. Like they would call them their names because Ghost is Johnny‘s best friend and Gaz is like Price‘s son. Also Johnny would definitely call his second cat soapy. I can’t explain

I really hope you enjoy this <3 Love you💘

‿︵‿︵ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ・❉・ ʚ˚̣̣̣͙ɞ‿︵‿︵

Simon Riley

His home was silent. The only sound was the soft purring of his little cat, Shadow, who sat waiting by the door, her green eyes reflecting a mix of surprise and recognition. As Simon knelt to greet her, Shadow nuzzled into his hand, her warmth seeping into his skin, thawing the ice that had formed around his heart during his long absence.

"Missed me, huh?" Simon's voice was soft, almost a whisper, as if loud words were too harsh for this tender reunion. He scooped Shadow into his arms, feeling her heartbeat against his chest—a small, steady reminder of the life he fought to protect.

That night, as Simon lay awake, Shadow curled up beside him, he couldn't shake the thought of her all alone, waiting for a company that might never return. It was a loneliness he knew all too well.

The next morning, Simon headed to the local animal shelter. It didn't take long for him to find the perfect companion. A tiny, energetic kitten with fur as black as night, whom he named Ghost Jr.

Bringing Ghost Jr. home, Simon watched with a mix of amusement and affection as the two felines circumspectly circled each other, their initial wariness giving way to a budding.

"Alrightttttt" Simon spoke, sitting on the floor to be at their level. "This is your home as much as it is mine. Look out for each other, yeah?" His voice, firm yet gentle

John MacTavish

The deployment had been grueling, and all he longed for was the comfort of his own space. However, there was one particular greeting he yearned for more than anything—the soft purrs and affectionate nuzzles of his little cat, Ghost. He named his cat after his best friend, even through Simon was totally against it.

As he unlocked the door, the quiet of the apartment wrapped around him like a cold embrace. He dropped his bag with a thud and called out, "Ghost, I'm home, buddy."

A moment later, a small, grey feline cautiously peeked around the corner, its green eyes glowing in the dim light. At the sight of John, Ghost darted forward, meowing plaintively, as if chastising him for his long absence.

John couldn't help but smile, scooping Ghost up into his arms. "I missed you too, little man," he whispered, feeling a lump form in his throat. It was then he realized how lonely Ghost must have been. The thought pierced his usually stoic heart.

---

The next morning, John stood before a local animal shelter, determination set in his features. "No buddy of mine is going to feel abandoned," he muttered to himself, recalling Ghost's solitary figure. Inside, he was greeted by the sound of countless cats, but it was a tiny, energetic kitten that caught his eye—a ball of fur with a mischievous twinkle that reminded him so much of... well, himself.

"Looks like you're coming home with us," John said, gently cradling the kitten, already thinking of the perfect name: soapy.

---

Introducing Soapy to Ghost was an amusing affair. Ghost eyed the newcomer with a mix of curiosity, while soapy seemed utterly oblivious, immediately attempting to pounce on Ghost's tail.

John watched, amused. "Easy there, Soapy. Give Ghost some space," he advised, though his words fell on deaf ears as Shadow continued her playful assault.

As John relaxed on the couch, Soapy decided it was the perfect time to showcase her hunting prowess. With a startling leap, she pounced towards John, aiming for his feet. Quick on her feet, Soapy darted away, hiding behind the couch with only her tail sticking out.

Ghost joined the fray, attempting a sneak attack from the other side. John played along, feigning terror at their ambush. "Oh no, you got me! Almost had a heartattack" he exclaimed dramatically, falling back against the cushions.

John Price

"Hello hello my little boy, did you miss me?" Price's britishvoice softer now that he got home after a long deployment outside of the country. Gaz meowed in response, a sound so filled with affection it tugged at the strings of Price's heart he'd long thought frayed and worn.

Sitting down beside Gaz, Price allowed himself a moment of vulnerability. "It's just you and me, mate," he whispered, stroking Gaz's fur gently. "But I reckon it's time we expanded our little squad."

The next day, Price's mission was different from any he had undertaken. He found himself in a local shelter, his gaze meeting that of a small, timid kitten with ash-grey cat. "Ash," he named her on the spot, a fitting companion to Gaz.

Bringing Ash home, Price introduced her to Gaz, watching carefully as the two cats sniffed each other, a silent conversation passing between them. In time, a cautious friendship blossomed, one that Price observed with a sense of pride.

Each night, as Price lay in bed, Gaz took his usual spot at the foot of the bed, while Ash curled up beside Price's head. It was during these quiet hours that the trauma of war came, shaking him from sleep with memories of gunfire and cries of the fallen soldiers he couldn’t save.

But as he woke, heart racing, the soft purring of Gaz and Ash grounded him, reminding him of the life he fought to return to. "Thank god you two exist…" he'd murmur, feeling the weight of his nightmares lessen in their presence.

Kyle Garrick

"Mario?" Kyle called out, his voice echoing slightly in the quiet of the empty house. From around the corner, a small, agile figure dashed towards him, a meow. Mario ran to his his legs, the purring vibrating like a welcome home.

"Hey buddy" Kyle murmured, bending down to scoop Mario into his arms. The cat nuzzled his face, seeking comfort in his owner's familiar scent.

That night, as Kyle lay on his couch, Mario curled up on his chest, a thought struck him. "You need a comrade of your own, don't you, little soldier? It must be soo boring without me here, right? Yeah… You need company.." he whispered, his decision already forming.

Kyle set out on a mission unlike any he had faced before: Operation Mario Rescue. His target was a local shelter, where he hoped to find a company for Mario.

As he walked through the rows of cages, his eyes landed on a timid kitten, its fur a mirror image of Mario's but with a playful spark in its eyes. "Luigi," Kyle whispered, the name coming to him as naturally as if the kitten had introduced itself. It was perfect. Mario and Luigi.

Bringing Luigi home, Kyle introduced him to Mario and within hours the house was filled with the sound of paws chasing and meows.

Kyle found himself laughing, genuinely amused by the antics of his two cats. He'd set up cardboard boxes as makeshift forts, watching as Mario and Luigi darted in and out, their playful battles a stark contrast to the memories Kyle held from the field.

"Alright, Luigi, let's see if you can take on the veteran," Kyle chuckled, dangling a toy mouse before them. The two cats leaped, their movements synchronized in the hunt. "Ah, teamwork. See, this is the kind of backup I've been talking about."

[dcmeme]

Batfam Covid series part 1

I figured out how to turn off autocorrect so it types ‘Selina’ and not ‘Selena’ woohoo! Progress! Multiple parts, all longer than usual.

Damian: Why is it everyone has to be within the same household?

Dick: Because it’s quarantine. Meaning you isolate with people you’ve been in contact with already that could have the disease.

Jason: I mean, I’ve gotta agree, this seems a bit blown out of proportion. The symptoms aren’t reading.

Tim: I think it’s more of the spread that’s of concern and those with preexisting health conditions being affected more than anything else-

Bruce: *throws tiny robots on the ground that latches to everyone’s ankles* There.

Jason: HEY! You said I wouldn’t be under house arrest again if I didn’t blow shit up (on purpose) or cause a full body cast for at least 3 weeks!

Bruce: This isn’t house arrest, this is insurance that none of you try to leave and put others at risk of infection.

Damian: That is absurd!

Dick: I gotta say, this feels a little extreme, Bruce.

Tim: Yeah, no. *takes it off*

Jason: How the f*ck?!

Tim: I’m gonna go stay at my boyfriend’s.

Bruce: The last thing you are doing is leaving this house, Tim. Like you said- it’s a major concern for those of preexisting health conditions.

Selina: I helped Alfred switch your and Damian’s old bedrooms so you are a bit more isolated-

Damian: Excuse me?! I don’t want to sleep near Helena’s room. She continues to make sounds.

Bruce: You don’t have a choice. In fact, none of you do. Not until everyone is tested- including anyone you’ve been around the last 12 days.

Dick: So no Kori?

Bruce: Has she been tested?

Dick: I mean she’s been on another planet with Mari for, like, 6 months soooo

Bruce: they’re fine to stay.

Damian: Can John come over?

Bruce: I don’t even let him over when there isn’t a pandemic.

Jason: Can’t I just be under house arrest at a safe house? I don’t care to self isolate- just let me grab a few books and I’m good for dayyys.

Bruce: Absolutely not.

Tim: Ok than let Bernard come over?

Bruce: No.

Tim: But what if he tests.

Bruce: I don’t like that boy being in my house.

Tim: Oh come on. He only broke,like, two or three things in the cave.

Jason: Didn’t that somehow include the giant penny?

Damian: and the window to the Batmobile.

Dick: *sighs* The chair to the batcomputer has squeaked ever since he left that night.

Bruce: My cape.

Alfred: He was rather harsh on the grappling hooks as well, Master Drake-

Tim: I said I loved a man, not a smart one-

Bruce: No Bernard.

Tim: oh come on! Dick gets to bring Kori!

Dick: and my kid.

Tim: Oh come on you barely see her but three times a year.

Dick: I’ve known her seven months and she’s been gone six for some Tamaranian ritual or something humans can’t be at!

Selina: Will all of you stop shouting. If my baby wakes up, I will find a way to make all of you pay.

Bruce: The only person with a second option on where they’re staying is Damian-

Jason: Bull shit!-

Bruce: Talia has asked he go back to the league’s temple since COVID hasn’t likely breeched them yet.

Damian: Can I bring my children?

Bruce: Only the dog.

Damian: than no.

Bruce: you’ll have to take that up with your mother.

Damian: I’ll make this much clear- I would sacrifice each of you individually for the sake of my children-

Tim: you mean your pets?

Damian: they are family in this house, Drake. I can’t say the same for you.

Tim: You really don’t expect me to live next to this brat for literal months, right? He’ll kill me by the end of the week! I’m much safer at my place.

Bruce: As of right now this is all of our place. Stop bickering and get used to the idea of being under the same roof for a while.

Cassandra: It could be fun! We can even have a family dinner after we’re all tested.

Damian: oh joy. Sharing food with the nuisance Drake and the pig that is Todd. Fantastic.

Jason: Don’t you have a mommy to call?

Damian: Don’t you have a casket to sleep in!

Jason: Oh f*ck you!

Bruce: now boys-

Tim: Is this seriously how you expect me to live?!

Cassandra: we can make breakfast for dinner and by then maybe the weather will be nice enough to open windows and set up candles-

Jason: you think you have it bad?! I’m surrounded by the same people who-

Damian: I better not have to sit at that dinner by Drake, Cain, or so help me god-

Bruce: enough!

Tim: For my own safety please god do not do that cass-

Jason: I don’t see why you’re complaining when I’m the one who has to-

Bruce: *louder* enough

Tim: I have a right to feel however I want!

Damian: If that is the case, I feel you should all be disowned-

Dick: why are we all arguing again?!

Damian/Tim/Jason/Bruce: SHUT UP, DICK/GRAYSON

Dick:… what did I do? 🥺

Helena: *screaming from upstairs*

Selina:…

Bruce:…

Everyone:…

Bruce:…we’ll take this outside.

Selina: That would be great, thank you.