#i love ivan and byerly

[thirdwifeofriversong]

“Unhand Lady Vorpatril!” is such an amazing line/moment— one of the few times when it’s completely clear that miles and ivan are related, however much ivan tries not to be like miles

[incorrectvorkosigan]

Ivan: For a long time that’s how I thought you people had sex, you know, just like, bashing your crotches against each other.

Byerly: Oh I know. I remember.

Ivan: Like you were born a perfect lover.

Byerly: No. I spent years honing my craft.

Ivan: Honing your boning.

Byerly: Indeed.

Ivan: And now you spend your nights hunting unwary straight boys, turning them like some gay were-creature…

Byerly: Don’t be silly. There’s no such thing…

Byerly: …as a straight boy.

[sweetfirebird]

Multifandom fic recs!

I mentioned doing a fic recs list the other day, and since I couldn't work on my needlepoint for a while (in which I feel like Mr. Thorton's mother doing her linen embroidering in North & South), I actually did one.

This is a multifandom recs list because it was more fun to just skim through various fandom bookmarks than to do a concentrated list for one show or whatever. Also.. some of these are for fandoms I read in and some are just fics I stumbled across one day, so they could be representative of their fandoms or not I have no idea. {insert shrug emoji here}

These are also all m/m and I think.... fairly cis? I did consider doing some f/f and trans and Rules 63 stuff but uh my bookmarks are a mess. The only fandom where I set aside some genderfuckery aside in any sort of organized fashion is Les Mis with Rule 63 stuff which maybe should get its own post. ? If people wanted?

Anyway, read the tags for each story, etc

Recs across the starboard bow, captain!

Star Wars Rogue One

waaay before the movie. I've recced this before. Chirrut/Baze

A Monk in Good Standing (Must Be in Need of a Bro)

The Eagle

Marcus/Esca

What Big Hands You Have

modern au, Esca is a size queen

From the Depths of His Heart

Canon-era werewolf AU

Póga

Canon-era  Esca teaches Marcus to kiss slow

Devotee

Canon-era gay farmers with some yearning

The Losers

Jensen/Cougar

The First Eight Don't Count

Jensen is a cat sometimes. Like a house cat. Yeah it’s weird for him too.

By Daybreak We'll Be Gone

werewolf AU (sensing a recurring trope here lol)

Inception

(Obv Arthur/Eames.)

Breaking and Entering

Jeeves and Wooster

Misplaced

Bertie has lost something

Voltron (the… whatever the new cartoon’s subtitle was. Legendary Defender?)

(I know that fandom is a hotbed of strife) but I am not/was not involved in any of that. Yikes.)

the electric synthesized pop ballad of why keith can’t have nice things

a/b/o au... but like... he just wants to be good

The Vorkosigan Saga

This is Ivan/Byerly because that is the only ship that matters

Twenty-Year Man

Ivan's getting older and having some realizations despite himself. Also... side note but... carefully and cynically yearning Byerly is a delight.

Original, historical

Darling and the Cinderella Club

Teen Wolf --HOWEVER! These are all Teen Wolf/SGA fusion

Why? Because the space marine vibes are impeccable

All Sterek

Show You What All That Howl is For

The Ring of the Ancestors is Not a Euphemism

Faint is a Medical Term

What We Do in the Shadows

Something Here Will Eventually Have to Explode

Guillermo/Nandor

Venom

Venom/Eddie, obviously

Heartthrob

Good Omens

Good Old-fashioned Lover Boy

Get Religion Quick (cause you're looking divine)

The Hobbit

all Bilbo/Thorin

Rations

pre-adventure sexual tension

The Subways of Men

modern au, but still with hobbits and dwarves

okay and then because idk I just love them finding each other after things

Plant Your Trees

It's Been a Long Day Without You, My Friend

(slight au)

And then one just to be sad

Hold Onto Hope If You've Got It

Les Mis

Enjolras/Grantaire because I am basic aw yeah

The Laurels of Doing is Enough

modern AU

True Love's Kiss

modern AU but with magic

Adequate

The first in a small Star Trek AU series that is cute

A Reversal of Celestial Mechanics

Canon-era, Enjolras takes Grantaire up on his offers… offers Grantaire didn’t realize he was making lol

There is one where Grantaire is fucking Courf while they both discuss/hint at his feelings for Enjolras but I cannot begin to express the chaos of my bookmarks so.... couldn't find it.

And finally...

Check, Please

Dex/Nursey

Bless This Mess and Call It a Home

Magic AU

The Most Room in Our Hearts

Dex sees Nursey holding some kids and gets Feelings about it

(there is a small nurseydex commentfic with sort of a similar bent but like so many things, it was posted to tumblr then deleted so is now lost forever.)

ok this one is uhhh read the notes and tags. It is known to me and @vashti-lives as the one we don’t talk about  aka the 1950s coal miners AU

Strange Lovers

And to finish up, a Ransom/Holster kink/getting together fic that was actually the first thing I read for this fandom.

When You Got Skin in the Game (you stay in the game)

I will post this to pillowfort too but I need to stop and eat first.

[17oh1]

He’s not there for Ekaterin at all when he visits her, he’s there for Alexi! (Miles thinks By is there courting Ekaterin, because he perceives any male within ten feet of her as a threat, but Ekaterin herself notes that Byerly “didn’t even pretend to be serious.”) ImpSec does indeed delay Miles telling Ekaterin about the murder rumor later on to have her place in it evaluated by an analyst (per Allegre), so a desk jockey evaluating her involvement is right; they’re also investigating her at that point for the first time, because they hadn’t been keeping an eye on her separately (though doubtless By’s passively-collected testimony from that earlier visit would be one of the data points in the analysis). Given how top-secret the whole business is it’s especially difficult to imagine them giving By any reason at the beginning to look at her too closely, since from a security perspective that would be creating the very problem they’re trying to avoid!

Meanwhile By and Alexi arrive and leave together from the Vorthys household, and two different POVs in the book observe that By appears to be cultivating Alexi specifically to a weird degree—presumably because Alexi is a pipeline to what’s going on with Boriz Vormoncrief and the conservatives, though their association doubtless also helps with hustling Richars.*

Here they are arriving and leaving together, plus Miles’s thought that By must be hanging around Alexi for his money:

"Ah, here's your driver at last," Byerly added. "Lend me your coat, Alexi; I don't wish to damp my lovely new suit. What do you think of it? The color flatters my skin tone, no?" "Hang your skin tone, By." "Oh, but my tailor assured me it does. Thank you. Good, he's opening the canopy. Now for the dash through the wet; well, you can dash. I shall saunter with dignity, in this ugly but inarguably waterproof Imperial garment. Off we go now . . ." Two sets of footsteps faded into the drizzle. […] "Vormoncrief first turned up a few days ago. I'm afraid he's a bit of a bore, poor man. Vorrutyer just came in with him this morning; I'm not sure he was exactly invited." "He's found a new victim to sponge off, I suppose," said Miles. Vorrutyers seemed to come in two flavors, flamboyant and reclusive; By's father, the youngest son of his generation, was a misanthropic pinchmark of the second category, and never came near the capital if he could help it. "By's notoriously without visible means of support."

Later, Ivan similarly observes that By is cultivating Alexi:

They slid into a table toward the back; a man in well-cut civvies lounging at the bar turned his head as they passed. Ivan recognized By Vorrutyer. Most town clowns didn't frequent the officers' bars, but By could turn up anywhere. He had the damnedest connections. By raised a hand in mock-salute to Vormoncrief, who, expansively, beckoned him over to join them. Ivan raised a brow. Byerly was on record as despising the company of his fellows who, as he put it, came unarmed to the battle of wits. Ivan couldn't imagine why he was cultivating Vormoncrief. Opposites attracting?

And they have this conversation shortly thereafter:

By smiled briefly with one side of his mouth. "Now, now. I was there. Vormoncrief bored her to tears." "Yes, but . . . maybe her situation isn't comfortable. Maybe she would take the first ticket out that was offered . . . wait, you? How did you come there?" "Alexi . . . leaks. It's a habit of his."

And then of course By is still continuing to hang around with Alexi after the disastrous dinner party, when he attends the dinner where Alexi et al. originally develop the slander against Miles—notable chiefly for the fact that By indicates he’s there because he was invited by Alexi, not Richars, even though Richars by that point already thinks By is spying for him on Dono:

"I went to a little private dinner with Alexi Vormoncrief last night," By began. "How exciting for you," growled Ivan. By waved his fingers. "It proved to have moments of interest. It was at Vormoncrief House, hosted by Alexi's uncle Count Boriz. One of those little behind-the-scenes love-fests that give party politics its name, you know. It seems my complacent cousin Richars heard about Lord Dono's return at last, and hurried up to town to investigate the truth of the rumors. What he found alarmed him sufficiently to, ah, begin to exert himself on behalf of his vote-bag in the upcoming decision in the Council of Counts. As Count Boriz influences a significant block of Conservative Party votes in the Council, Richars, nothing if not efficient, started his campaign with him."

Bujold also actually remarked on this on the listserv back in 1999, though I’m (shrug) at Word of God, in this case I honestly always just thought it was evident from the text! You can find this in the ACC Companion:

“A side note on Byerly Vorrutyer … I would draw your attention to his comment to Ivan in the bar: ‘Alexi … leaks.’ In my mind, By (counter-intelligence, remember) was following Alexi. I feel that Alexi, while loyal, has had some problems in the discretion department …” (LMB to the List, 15 Dec. 1999).

*Lately I have come to think that this may have in fact been “ordered by Gregor to spy on Boriz Vormoncrief and his party via the means available to him,” since Gregor’s reaction to By’s arrival at Vorhartung Castle would seem to imply that By actually did have an assignment directly from Gregor at the time on top of playing agent provocateur…

Komarr/A Civil Campaign Spoiler

I just realized that the reason Byerly was ‘courting’ Ekaterin in ACC was because ImpSec wanted a set of eyes on her private dealings. They didn’t know that Miles would marry her so quickly and probably wanted a more controllable/neutral pair of eyes on her behavior.

Miles says during his conversation with Allegre that ImpSec was never happy that Ekaterin was involved without being part of any chain of command. And Allegre asks Miles not to talk to Ekaterin until after his analysts can “evaluate her place in this.” I always thought that this would be a desk jockey looking through information, but now I think it’s By nosing around to see if she’s talking to any of the Conservative party.

[tanoraqui]

rereading Captain Vorpatril’s Alliance (an absolute icon of a book), and thinking with some chagrin that Ivan’s ability to recognize and avoid political danger is really more told than shown throughout the series...which is reasonable, of course, because books are about things happening. So every time we see Ivan is by definition when either Miles drags him in (Miles being one of the very few people he’ll follow without with only moderate complaint into any political or other danger), or the very few times he lets someone else drag him in (Dono, Byerly and Tej). 

But I really would love a short story of, like, Ivan Vorpatril Has a Nice Normal Week, in which the A Plot is Ivan’s latest romance (and fumbling thereof) and the B Plot is moderate excitement at work, at most foiling a light embezzling scheme, more likely about getting a big project done just in time for the deadline...and way back in the C Plot, mostly communicated via other people discussing it, is a major treasonous drama that Ivan sidestepped on page 1 by declining a dinner invitation. Maybe toss in a party scene (part of the romantic A plot) where Ivan casually deftly steers a conversation away from what clearly could’ve become a similarly politically dramatic D Plot. I want stakes so low that everything feels almost anti-climactic.

[fremedon]

Thanks to @everyonewasabird for tagging me!

1) how many works do you have on AO3?

47

2) what’s your total AO3 word count?

486759

3) how many fandoms have you written for and what are they? 37 :D. This is not a question for someone whose main fandom is “Yuletide.”

The fandoms in which I have written more than one fic are Harry Potter (I know, I know, it was a long time ago), Doctor Who/Torchwood/SJA, Star Trek (various), Les Misérables, and Vorkosigan.

4) what are your top five fics by kudos?

Twenty-Year Man, Vorkosigan, Ivan/Byerly

The Constraint of Conscience, Temeraire, Laurence/Tharkay

A Place to Lie Down, my Les Mis sex pollen fic, Enjolras/everyone

Exclusive Content, Sesame Street gen about Muppet issues of representation

Need to Know, Star Trek/Doctor Who, Jack Harkness/Naraht the Horta. Really.

5) do you respond to comments? why or why not?

I always read them. I don’t respond to comments on my Harry Potter fic. I just can’t engage with the source text at all anymore, and that extends to dealing with the fandom. 

I went through a long period where I wasn’t writing at all and I didn’t manage to respond to most comments then, though I loved getting them. Since coming out of that I’ve managed to get back into the habit of replying.

6) what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Probably one of my old HP fics. I normally try to write things with at least a hopeful ending; despite being in Les Mis fandom I’m not a fan of complete downer endings.

7) do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I do, and it’s probably the one where Jack Harkness seduces a sentient acid-secreting rock with no sex drive.

8) have you ever received hate on a fic?

No; the worst I’ve gotten is some kind of tone-deaf unsolicited concrit.

9) do you write smut? if so what kind?

I write all the smut. All of it. All kinds.

10) have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of.

11) have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Twenty-Year Man and Life is But a Dream, a Star Trek crackfic, have both been translated into Russian!

12) have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not and actually finished it, not since I was 14. I’ve talked out a lot of not!fic with friends, but generally that kills the impulse to actually write it.

13) what’s your all-time favourite ship?

Oh man. I don’t really do favorites, but my feelings about Kirk/Spock, Holmes/Watson, Valjean/Javert, Enjolras/Grantaire, and Doctor/Master are hardwired into my soul.

14) what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Oh man. I have started cannibalizing the Les Mis time agents fic for parts, so I think it’s fair to say if I ever do finish it it will be in significantly different form. And I still have a lot of thoughts about a sequel to Twenty-Year Man that I think is also just not going to happen.

Everything else I’m still holding out hope for.

15) what are your writing strengths?

Um. I think I’m pretty good at working through plot ramifications of emotions and emotional ramifications of plotlines. And decent at prosody.

16) what are your writing weaknesses?

I’m absolutely terrible at creating OCs.

17) what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

That’s a very specific question. I think there are very few situations where it’s calIed for. The convention of dropping a few common phrases into English to indicate an accent is exactly the opposite of how people actually use their native languages when speaking in a second language, and usually just looks silly. If your POV character knows the language well enough to follow a conversation fluently, you can just indicate the language the characters are speaking and translate; and if they don’t, they’re probably not going to be picking out words well enough to be able to repeat them.

Fully multilingual characters code-switching, or classically educated characters peppering their speech with quotations, can work as long as you know the languages they’re using well enough to be convincing, and as long as you’re either willing to structure things to teach your readers the phrases they need to know before they become important, or to use a lot of footnotes.

And f your POV character is listening to a conversation in a language they know a little of and speak with effort, and is going to be paying very close attention to each word--or where their learning or reconstructing the language is a plotline--then, yeah, you probably also want to include the exact words they’re hearing or reading.

18) what was the first fandom you wrote for?

Star Trek TOS! Longhand, in notebooks.

19) what’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

That’s a really tough choice. I’m really proud of everything in my top five by kudos; and of my Doctor Who novel The Scourge of Trion; my Left Hand of Darkness/The Dispossessed fic The Color of Shadow; and the July Revolution sex pollen aftermath fic I just completed, To Make the Right Peacefully Interpenetrate the True.

No-pressure tagging @white-throated-packrat, @riotstarruika, @petralemaitre,  and @nonasuch.

[wordwordoxfordcommaword]

(h/t to @lightveils on Twitter)

• a fic you love without knowing the source material:

I Wish You Were My Husband by Feynite. 人渣反派自救系统 - 墨香铜臭 | The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù. Luò Bīnghé/Shěn Yuán | Shěn Qīngqiū, Liǔ Qīnggē/Shěn Yuán | Shěn Qīngqiū, Original Shěn Qīngqiū/Yuè Qīngyuán.

AU based on The Dreamer in the Spring Boudoir (familiarity with that story's not required).

Wherein Shen Yuan transmigrates into a harem intrigues romance novel (gay edition), Yue Qingyuan really fucks up, Liu Qingge is not suitable for his job, and no one even remotely sees Luo Binghe coming.

• a cathartic fic:

Not Easily Conquered by dropdeaddream, WhatAreFears. Captain America (Movies). James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov. 

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,” Peggy says, “These are the times that try men’s souls.”

AND

A Fine and Public Place by cest_what. Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold. Ivan Vorpatril/Byerly Vorrutyer. 

High Vor gossip is both a volatile threat and a tool to be used.

• a fic you wish could be a movie:

Ravenous by rageprufrock. Hannibal (TV). M/M.

Clarice Starling meets Hannibal Lecter armed with a copy of the Buffalo Bill file.

• a fic that made you gasp out loud:

Single Use Weapon by Fahye. Kings (TV). Jack Benjamin/David Shepherd, Michelle Benjamin/David Shepherd.

"The king is dead," says Samuels. "Long live the king."

A story about fealty and destiny, spies and secrets, and the things we do to hold onto power.

• a fic that gave you butterflies:

Marks of Fate by Fahye. Captive Prince - C.S. Pacat. Damen/Laurent. 

"You're lying," Damen says. "You walked into Akielos and stole something from me."

Damen visits Vere, Laurent prepares to leave it, and declarations are made before witnesses.

BINGO!

• a fic that made you laugh out loud:

In Defiance of all Geometry by idiopathicsmile. Les Misérables. Combeferre/Enjolras, Combeferre/Grantaire, Enjolras/Grantaire, Combeferre/Enjolras/Grantaire, Cosette/Marius. 

Amis House might not be the biggest student co-op, or the fanciest, but it's got something all its own. Specifically, smoke damage on the kitchen ceiling from that time Courfeyrac lit a political pamphlet on fire.

In which there are secrets, pining, pancakes, and revelations, and sometimes the shortest distance between three points is not a triangle but a circle.

• a fic that made you feel seen:

Worldwide Lonesome by loindexter. 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS. Kim Seokjin | Jin/ Min Yoongi. 

After the BBMA, Yoongi starts bringing guys back to the house.

• a fic you stayed up too late to finish reading:

After Me by rayemars. Check Please! (webcomic). Eric Bittle/Jack Zimmerman. Kent Parson/Original Character(s). WIP

In 2009 Kent "living Taylor Swift song" Parson goes first in the draft, moves to Nevada, and starts an NHL career that includes one Stanley Cup win, one league lockout, a lot of media manipulation, bad blood with several teams, a captaincy, big city politics, and the pressure that comes with some questionable sponsors for a club located in the gambling heart of the United States.

Meanwhile, the Las Vegas Aces learn how to work around the ghost of Jack Zimmermann.

(Not literally.)

• a fic you found at the right time:

What We Pretend We Can’t See by gyzym. Harry Potter. Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Neville Longbottom/Ginny Weasley. 

Seven years out from the war, Harry learns the hard truth of old history: it’s never quite as far behind you as you thought.

[brownpuffball]

Ivan truly is winning on the cover front, I love the way he's looking at Tej. And of course, I love Byerly and his everything. Fingers crossed Miles will get a good cover one of these days!

Y’all can we talk about how dirty they did Miles on the Komarr cover art?

Like, the illustrator went “yes, yes absolutely, love it, I think I’m gonna draw him next to his hot wife just looking so OLD and BUSTED with notes of terminal jaundice.

The lighting? I’m thinking something fun and dramatic to really bring out every wrinkle. Nah that’s not enough lemme add in some reflected light to really make them wrinkles have that extra unnatural shine, I wanna make him look like he might be covered in gold paint. Ekaterin’s skin should be flawless and airbrushed wrinkle free though.

Ooo and then for his hair I’m just gonna make it an absolute fuckin mess! I think I can really sell it by using that lighting to highlight every stray strand and split end. God what a masterpiece.”

I love the Vorkosigan Saga so so so much but it has some of the most hideous covers, especially on audible, it actually gives me the giggles. Big ahh disembodied floating head treatment every time (ooo wow so 90s sci fi!).

They even do him dirty compared to other characters in the series! Like when Ivan gets his own little romance arc he gets to be chilling on a couch smugly sipping wine surrounded by scantily clad babes in silly poses! And Cordelia! Every cover she’s in the artist gives her the absolute baddy queen treatment and she looks so cool and powerful and kickass.

But miles? Old and busted with the big floating heads and random Vulcan eyebrows. The artists really took his negative self image to heart and said let’s make the audience see you the way you see you 😭.

Here’s a little bonus image of a cover for the German print of warriors apprentice. My guy just can’t catch a break lmao.

[sophia-sol]

A Civil Campaign, by Lois McMaster Bujold

Some time ago a kind soul ( @heckofabecca ) gave me a brief run-down of the events of chapter 9's dinner party, in preparation for the day when I'd finally get to this book in my read-through of the Vorkosigan Saga. And I am so very grateful, because it means I could just skip that entire chapter to miss all the embarrassment-squick, while still being able to understand the fall-out.

Other than that one chapter (and, okay, a couple pages' worth of misunderstanding in an earlier chapter...and watching Miles make terrible choices in his plans to secretly court Ekaterin), this book is a delight!

I don't know if I 100% believe the resolution to the romantic arc between Miles and Ekaterin. Possibly it's in large part just that, as captivating as Miles is, I don't really think he would make a good husband? But whatever, I love them both, and presumably they figure out how to be happy together.

Lord Dono comes into existence in this book, and I was so pleased to finally read that storyline. I'm so curious about Donna-Dono's gender identity feelings though. We don't get any of that person's inner life, just see the situation from the outside and from what Dono says to other people in not-very-private conversations. There are many possibilities and I would be interested in all of them. I loved what Dono said though about how after the various masculinizing procedures, on Beta he felt basically the same as he had before - but as he came closer and closer to Barrayar the more strikingly different it became to experience the world through being perceived as a man instead of a woman. BARRAYAR.

But also: Byerly! Ivan! The Koudelka sisters! Gregor and Nikki! More Ekaterin! Lots of great stuff in this book.

[southern-continent-skies]

WIP Tracker 1/6

Welcome to 2020! I did not do one of these last week, because between Christmas and New Year’s I was too busy alternately being a complete glutton/sloth, and doing All Of The Cooking for a big dinner party, to do any writing. But I’m back!

To Love All That He Loves, Gregor/Simon longfic - 13,587 words, + 974 from last time. 

Still not dead, and I’ve done some more character/outline work on Simon that should hopefully make the rest go more smoothly. It’s shaping up to be a bit like Night Will Fall in the narrative structure, aka “what significant developments is the limited POV obscuring? Find out in Act V!” because apparently I have exactly one and one half tools in my narrative toolbox. Oh well. Progress!

Necessity, Gregor/Ivan BDSMverse AU - 9941 words, + 1505. 

This thing. It’s at the “so close, but yet so far” stage, and I’m torn between “just finish it and POST, stop obsessing about the last 5%” and “but all of my narrative/character choices now seem wrong, I must tear them out and re-do them.” Asfasdasdjk.

The Horus Eye Opens, TMA/Vorkosiverse crossover, gen - 2854 words, + 22.

I feel incredibly silly including this with that word count, but uh, proof of life I guess?

Watch Party, NWF extra - 1813 words, + 19 entire words from last month. 

I did a clean-up pass and replaced some [place-holders] with real words and transitions, but I also second-guessed what my ending note was going to be, soooo it remains pending.

Aaand I started a Mirrorverse Gregor/Byerly short, as an add-on to Venereal Transition of Power. Currently only 106 words, but they’re good’uns.

[child-of-hurin]

top 5 Vor

Polemic question!!! Polemic question

1. Miles Vorkosigan

2. Kareen Vorbarra

3. Alys Vorpatril and Aral Vorkosigan

4. Ekaterin Vorkosigan

5. Count Vorhalas 👀

[bonaesperanza]

I agree with the assessment that he's tired of dealing with it, and that it makes more sense pragmatically to just endure the pain once (though he doesn't replace them all at once, he's doing it bit by bit over the course of several years) rather than having them fail on him randomly.

But, even with his own bones he also spends his childhood riding and swimming and engaging in various shenanigans, and both Aral and Piotr think that he has good chances of passing the academy physical (given perfect written exam scores) in TWA (he only fails the exam because he wanted to show off to that other guy who accused him of nepotism), and he survives as a mercenary for years with his original bones, so we can assume that his issues, while certainly inconvenient and not to be underestimated, are not that debilitating.

As for the rest - those are all things he actively chose for himself, because he chose a profession where people routinely try to break each other's bones. He doesn't need to know exactly how to turn in order to absorb the least amount of damage in a fight, he doesn't need to know how to assess when it's necessary to break his own bones for a mission. And he doesn't get synthetic bones because he wants to enjoy himself riding Fat Ninny without worrying about breaking them, he does it because of his job. He could stay at home and be a doctor or a politician or an entrepreneur like Mark (living proof that there's no innate "soldierness" in Miles, as Mark has his exact same genes). Hell, he could even be a fake mercenary admiral and just lead from the tactics room instead of the front lines! This is the bloody-minded determination part: he wants this to the point that he will inflict pain on himself to get it, and I love the juxtaposition of, I guess, paradoxically putting oneself (or at least one's desires) first but also putting oneself dead last that this implies.

BUT, on a bit of a higher level, why does he want to be a soldier so desperately? Could it be that it's because his culture overemphasizes military prowess to the loss of everything else? They have an Emperor and he sits on a military camp stool instead of a throne, emphasizing the military as the backbone of power and societal hierarchy in this country.

But even then, there are plenty of people in Barrayar who are willing to put in their recommended ten years for formality's sake and go on to do something else (like Tien), or who manage to be useful despite not being military (Byerly) or who do desk jobs for the entirety of their military career (Ivan). Miles is suicidal when he can no longer be a soldier and endure people twice his height regularly trying to break his bones.

Could this be because his family consists entirely of soldiers? To the point that Piotr and Aral are completely defined by their military prowess? Piotr did so many things for the people of his district, but that's not what Piotr talks about and what he is known for and what Miles knows about him - to everyone, Piotr is the brilliant general of the Cetagandan occupation. Aral makes beautiful art but really he's the guy who conquered Komarr with a strategy so brilliant he wrote a book about it. Hell, Miles's father fell in love with Miles's mother because of her being a soldier with soldierly qualities - he calls her "Captain" as an endearment. Cordelia built schools and hospitals and raised an emperor all while raising Miles with his plethora of medical issues but she's known and admired for her one singular act of violence: killing Vordarian.

To Miles, being a soldier is inextricably tied to being loved and respected and valued, to being good enough and worthy enough for his loved ones. And this is literally the first thing we are told about him in TWA and the point is repeated over and over again throughout the series. And while people can tell him that they love and appreciate him anyway, and mean it, every piece of evidence his surroundings have ever given him kind of points in the opposite direction, and he's smart enough to perceive that.

And this is such a fundamental thing for him that you kinda can't assume that it doesn't tip the balance when deciding whether he should get artificial bones - after all, it's kind of a big deal how often he anticipates himself being in situations where they can be an inconvenience.

And it's also telling how Miles, who is preternaturally good at going around an obstacle to get what he wants, and also at playing at his exact strengths, never even thinks of making things easier for himself by choosing another path, he just pummels through the wall and then through the pain this causes, because subjectively he has no other choice even though objectively he does (he's a wealthy, well-bred and well-connected, charming man of above average intelligence). And he never even thinks of exploring WHY he does it that way, like a fish doesn't notice the water it's surrounded by.

Sometimes I think about how Miles Vorkosigan went through a series of likely traumatic medical procedures to replace every long bone in his body with a more durable, synthetic one. Of his own free will. He didn't have to do this. He himself admits that it hurt like a bitch. And keep in mind that his childhood is already defined by a series of long, painful surgeries that he didn't choose.

I have a lowkey obsession with the way prosthetics and artificial limbs and similar things are treated in narratives, and to me this act is THE essence of both his personality and the way he perceives his culture.

He could have chosen any other job and likely excelled at it but military achievement is so important in his culture, in his family, for him personally, that he will cut himself open and excavate the fragile bones from his body limb by limb to replace them with sturdier, artificial ones so that he can be a good enough soldier.

I love the mix of implications present in this and tbh it's kind of the essence of my fixation with this kind of narrative device (which is why this is my favourite book series!). It's that mix of stone-cold pragmatism (I want to be good at this->I need better bones to be good at this->I will replace my bones) and raw, desperate, bloody-minded determination (I want this so bad and nothing will stop me from getting it, not even myself; I am ready to cut myself open and mutilate myself if it means getting what I want), and total self-annihilation (I am not good enough, so I need to put myself through massive pain to fit the criteria of good enough, and my pain doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things because without this I'm worthless anyway). Which one is present in which percentage? Is he lowkey returning to what traumatized him as a child, except this time it's his choice and he's the one who's in control? It's up for debate I guess. But I love how it tells you everything you need to know about the man. All the rest of his behavior is just handwaving to keep people's eyes away from the essence of him, and this is it.

[kelasparmak]

ask game: bel!

favorite thing about them: 

there are so many things i love about bel! i think my actual favourite thing is that it’s so adventurous and unabashedly itself, and it Lives Out Loud, which often includes doing some real dumb shit because it thinks either ‘this is the right thing to do’ or ‘this could be funny’.

least favorite thing about them:

can i say the way other people treat it? if not, i guess maybe the fact that sometimes it can be pretty inconsiderate. like, the actual decision to go along with mark’s plan in mirror dance i actually don’t entirely condemn, but taking soldiers into that fight without checking that mark had a proper plan was negligent, kissing mark was probably not a good idea (even if it meant well), it seemed to take a while to start thinking of taura as a person, etc.

favorite line:

i don’t think bel has a lot of oneliners that are great just on their own and out of context - most of its good lines are snarky comments on things other people have said. honestly the one that springs to mind is back in one of the earliest books when they’re all having a dead serious strategy meeting and auson says something to the effect of ‘we’d be hung!’ and bel’s major contribution to this meeting is immediately correcting him to ‘hanged’. that’s the petty shit i live for. i also liked ‘hold your tongue, tung’, because it immediately turns around to miles and goes ‘wasn’t that a great line? i’ve been working on it for years’, like… babe…. you’re so embarrassing….

brOTP:

bel doesn’t have that many ‘onscreen’ friendships so it’s hard to say, i guess. i like the idea of bel and taura becoming really good friends after labyrinth. they can bond over their frilly nighties and taste in men.

and i like the idea of bel and arde (who never interact, if i’m not mistaken) bonding over being the only betans in the dendarii. it’s funny (or not) that bel is the only one who gets the ‘betans are SJWs and/or easy’ jokes, but for some reason no one seems to make those comments about miles or arde. weird, huh?

if we can go with brotps that definitely aren’t canon, i also like the idea of bel and cordelia hanging out, preferably while miles hits his head against the wall trying to forget that his ‘old flame’ (as he put it) has made out with him, his clone, and his stepdad (who screwed both his parents). 

also, bel and byerly impsec shenanigans would be hilarious.

OTP:

miles, for sure. bel and nicol are very cute but i would’ve been over the moon if it had ended up with miles. the first time i read the series, i thought that line to elena, like ‘i’ll tell them i’m marrying bel! and then when i “change my mind” and marry you instead they’ll be super relieved!’ was very unsubtle foreshadowing. and then when mark and bel went off on their adventure and mark nearly cried about bel thinking clones are people, i thought maybe they’d end up together, which would’ve been cool too. but miles would have been the dream.

nOTP:

uhh no one really ships bel with anyone except nicol, miles and occasionally jole. and ivan once or twice, which i’ve only just remembered about but enjoyed deeply. i can’t think of a ship that i’d hate for bel and that anyone would be likely to ship.

random headcanon:

i think there’s a good reason bel doesn’t go back to beta, and i don’t think the reason is genuinely ‘it’s so BORING being treated with respect’. and i think that ties into why bel is super closed off about its family - nicol mentions family in labyrinth and it gets a little evasive, and there’s ‘bel, do you ever wonder why i don’t talk about my family?’ ‘well, there’s a lot of dendarii who don’t….. sir’, and the only time it actually does say anything about its family is that one little quip where miles is making fake small talk and says like ‘oh you’re betan? my mother’s from beta colony’ and bel goes ‘what a coincidence, mine too’. so maybe it has a mother. that’s literally all we know.

i think maaaaaaybe it got into fights as much on beta as it does in the series (maybe with people like cordelia’s mum who are still kind of anti-herm?). from cordelia’s experience and what arde says about the mental health board, it sounds like if you exhibit any off-kilter behaviour then the mental health board just turn up without needing your permission (maybe they need your family’s?) and you get brainwashed until you’re a Shiny Happy Person or whatever. so my personal opinion is that maybe bel ditched beta so it could continue being a disaster in peace.

unpopular opinion:

i don’t think there are any particular popular or unpopular opinions about bel, tbh. i think the closest i get is being mildly disappointed that bel and nicol ended up together? even though they’re very sweet i was rooting for miles to get over his homophobia and transphobia and realise he was actually in love with bel. and i was really really sure it was going to happen so i’m still disappointed that it didn’t.

(there are also more reasons that it’s not my ideal ending, at least not the way it happened, but i’m not gonna go into that right now) 

song i associate with them:

there are lots - maybe sometime i’ll get around to making a playlist. in the meantime, ‘hope on fire’ by vienna teng is a big Bel Song for me. so is ‘dying day’ by brandi carlisle.

favorite picture of them:

every picture of bel is my favourite picture of bel. but if you’re going to make me pick, probably this one or this one.

[qzwrites]

so i think what i'm getting from all this pre-writing is actually, mireille's ex made several attempt to mend fences with her and she ignored them steadfastly bc vulnerability is scary

it's a good thing i was already planning on cousin martin getting a sequel with his own charming barbarian bc he is really getting slammed by this book lmao

from his pov, mireille freaked out and didn't talk to him for ten years, ignoried multiple attempts he made to reach out & mend fences, only talked to him again when she needed something from him, then immediately dumped him again when she figured out how to talk abt her feelings

he's just sitting there like, no it's fine, it's not like you're the only person of our generation in our country with any sense of ethics or morality at all, it's not like i was desperate to have intelligent conversation bc i hate my "friends"

at some point amycta is going to be like "so you are in love with my wife and i don't like that very much" and he's like "well idk what you expect me to do about that, do you see anyone else in this fucking court worth liking" and she's like. you know what. that is fair

and then she's like "how would you like a job" and martin is like "wtf no" and she's like "it's in another country" and he's like "i am always pleased to serve my queen where am i going"

cousin martin is absolutely just me mashing up the parts of ivan and byerly that worked the best for mireille's story but it turns out when i mash up two characters i love that much i get attached. SHRUG EMOJI

[shadowetienne]

Answer the questions, tag 20 followers.

I was tagged by the most excellent @poplitealqueen. Thank you!

Name: Etienne (second first name/middle name, the one I go by on the internet) Nicknames: Tien, (sort of) Shadow (but I’ve not gone by it for reals in years and years, but it’s part of my internet handle) Height: 177 cm, which is 5′ 9.6″ Orientation: Asexual, Quoiromantic/leaning Aromantic Nationality: USA, I love the Pacific Northwest, though not too hot on the US in many many ways Favorite Fruit: Lychee, Grapefruit, Pineapple, Mango, Pears, Blackberries, citrus in general Favorite Season: Fall or Winter Favorite Flower: Bougainvillea, Jasmine, Wisteria, Chrysanthemum, Zinnia, Dahlia, honestly anything that I’m not allergic to pretty much   Favorite Animal: Snow Leopards, Reticulated Pythons (and snakes in general), Cranes Favorite Color: Green Favorite Scent:  the ocean, forests after the rain, rain in general, tea Coffee, Tea or Hot Chocolate:  Hot tea (real tea, not really big on tisanes), Longjing Cha (Dragonwell) is my favorite probably, but I love most green and wulong teas, and I definitely have things I love from all the other genres. Average Sleep Hours: Four if I’m lucky Dog or Cat person: Theoretically both, but I’m allergic to many dogs (if it doesn’t look wolfy and double coated, I’m probably in trouble, things like huskies and shibas, I’m fine). Favorite Fictional Character: This is kind of impossible for me to answer...  Some favorites from fandoms I’m currently active in:  Faramir and Eowyn (LotR); Plo Koon, Mace Windu, Chirrut, Bodhi, Leia, Poe, Finn (various Star Wars); Wufei, Trowa (Gundam Wing); Ivan, Byerly (Vorkosigan Saga); Briar, Tris (Tamora Pierce’s Emelan books); and I could keep going and going... Number of Blankets You Sleep With: One in winter, occasionally a second over my feet if it’s particularly cold, just a sheet in summer. Dream Trip: I someday want to see all the countries of the Pacific Rim.  Also, I would like to get the chance to visit Kazakhstan eventually (I have a huge amount of curiosity about where my great-great-grandma came from, and not all of that can be learned from the internet and books and talking to people, also it just looks like an amazing place for seeing mountains and nature and stuff) Blog Created: 30 December 2011 (so just over 6 years apparently) Number of Followers: 316 Random Fact: I can list all the countries (including some debated ones) in under 10 minutes (and place them on a map with nearly perfect accuracy).

I low pressure tag: @biiloved, @hugbin, @invite-me-to-your-memories, @jinab, @jqxjqx, @kellyren92, @needsmorepizzazz, @orangecarter, @prince-minghao, @qisforqazaq, @redeim, @wangthatsea, and anyone else who thinks this looks interesting!  (Remember that you can always ask me not to tag you one this sort of ting if you don’t want me to.)

[incorrectvorkosigan]

Byerly: Somebody's in love!

Ivan: Yeah right! I just think Tej's cool, okay? It's not like I lay awake at night thinking about her.

[later that night]

Ivan, wide awake: ... Uh oh.