#i love hthem so much
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
THE LAST SCENEE WITH MAFIOSO
Therefore, You and Me
#the way i was holding back my tears watching this at school URGHGHGHGHGG#coolkid they can never make me hate you#<- op tags. so true#i love hthem so much#cried#sobbed#screamed#etc etc#coolkid forsaken#roblox forsaken#007n7 forsaken#forsaken
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
can i interest you in some of my ryuu screenshots.. a bit of a ryuu appreciation post if you will...
his design is so .. simple n kinda basic but he has so much charm,, i'm endlessly charmed by him it's literally so embarrassing... he is just very endearing and cute 👉👈 what a polite young man
and here is me trying to get a clean screenshot of this pose without the dialogue box, a saga:
i'm sad to say that this saga has no real conclusion (yet...) the wind-up animation is long enough for him to start babbling so i'm doubtful i will ever capture the screenshot i want. anyway i love this guy more than i could've ever prepared myself for 😭
#putting myself on blast with this HADSGHASHGghdg#somehow this feels worse than my olly posting ???? help me 😭😭😭😭😭#i wish i had the words to properly express how this mf makes me feel but i simply do not#<- me at olly and now ryuu too😔#WHO LET ME PLAY THIS MF GAME MAN BRING THEM HERE I NEED TO PUNC HTHEM AND THE N KISS THEM ON THE FOREHEAD#the great ace attorney#tgaa#dai gyakuten saiban#dgs#me whenever ryuu is on screen: *points* gayboy *points* tboy *points* gayboy *points* tboy *points* gayboy *points* tboy *points* gayboy *p#ryunosuke naruhodo#i got like 30h so far and like 27 of them are from the past few days 😀#anyawy i finished ch4 and let me tell you i did not see that coming. the post court stuff yknow..#susato is living out her wildest dreams reserved for self indulgent self insert fanfic and i couldnt be happier for her#man i love the character animations so much HAHSfhg theyre so silly and expressive#i saw van zieks clutch his at his heart in todays trial and i could only yell in joy#that one got me real good#n all of natsumes..... impeccable.. hes so ...
77 notes
·
View notes
Text
i hATE THEM I HATE HTHEM SO MUCH there's no reason for these people to be around you they don't deserve your attention they're just awful and i hate them i hate them i hate them I HATE THEM you're better than this you're better than them please just leave them
it's not like you're that involved anyway. you could be doing something better with your time. you don't have to be around these people. they're not good enough to be around you. they don't deserve it. they don't deserve anything more to a mallet to the head. only the worst tortures could begin to satisfy this anger. you don't have to know about any of it. i don't want you to remember them. they shouldn't have any weight in your mind whatsoever. complete irrelevance. i wouldn't even let you near any remains. i couldn't stand if they still managed to come in contact with you after death. that'd just be cruel of them, wouldn't it?
let them suffer. suffer suffer suffer suffer suffer. let their skin resemble the agony they've caused for me. i don't care if they make you laugh or smile. they shouldn't have that power. i want you to be happy and i love when you are but i can't stand the cost it's been at. your friends are terrible. if there's anything i hate more than the bugs swarming my skin at dark it's seeing your friends around. i hate that you approach them willingly. that they think they can approach you just as well. they CAN'T. they can't do this they can't do this they can't do this. NOBODY should be allowed to even see you.
what have they ever done to make that okay? block your way and shove you to the side as you pass? call your suggestions and jokes poorly thought and discard your efforts? only address you when you serve as a benefit to a conversation that you were otherwise left out of? especially when it's by your so-called friend group, at that. how can you just let these people sit by you and do this under that title? disgusting. it's disgusting that they're around you in the first place but it's even more disgusting that they can't appreciate you enough. what are you to them if not an optional addition? i don't get it. i really don't.
get rid of them get rid of them get rid of them gET RID OF THEM THERE IS NO PURPOSE THEY SERVE OTHER ThaN A DISTRACTION FROM WHAT'S BETTER FOR YOU. stop talking to these people get away from them get AWAY FROM THEM there is no benefit to their presence and you should hate them too
nobody is worthy enough to be anywhere near you and if they can't realise that then they only deserve the worst.
1 note
·
View note
Photo
holland march is like a coloring book to me
bonus:
#the nice guys#holland march#jackson healy#I LOVE THEM SO MUCH MUAH#healy ur bf is like a pack of highlighters#pn.art#IM JUST RLY OBSESSED WITH HTHEM CURRENTLY .
568 notes
·
View notes
Photo
#THIS SI LICHTERALLY HOW HE MAKES ME FEEL IM#HIS CHEEKIES GETTING ROUDN IS THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN#IM SO HAPPY I JSU T WANNA SMOOCH EM N PINCH EM N THEM SMOOC HTHEM SOME MOER#HHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUU NNNNNNNNN#THATS THE SOUNF OF ME CRYING STRAIGNT INTO MY LAPTOP MIC 10 HOUR LOOP#CHEEEEEEKS ROUND CHUMBY CHEEKS#I LOVE HISM SO MUCH MY BAABY HES OS CUTE#I HAVE 763 HEARTS FLOATING AROUNFD ME AS WE SPEAK AND THEYRE ALL THEER BC OF BIN#I AMN JUST#FILLED WTH LOVE#binnie.txt
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
good afternoon i love nct
#todays go stage............... im still in awe thank u kings#they sound so good live!!!!!!!!! hyucks vocals he rly.... did That#n renjun n chenle djioiasdioajas#all of them sounded so good n looked so good !!!!!!!!#the neon aesthetics......... legends#i love hthem soooooooooo much#also jungwoo... my angel i miss him i hope hes well n resting#claudia.txt
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
New X-Men Xtrospective Part 1: E is For Extinction “They Will Need Us”
I am SO fucking excited for this one. As might not be obvious to ALL of my readers but should be obvious to some, I fucking love the X-Men. They are one of my favorite superhero teams period as are several of their spinoffs such as X-Factor (All versions), New Mutants, and Marauders. I love the wide cast, the hugely vast universe within the already vast and wonderful marvel universe, and the sheer amount of GREAT stories. I own all 11 movies, have several action figures, and two posters from Jonathan Hickman’s current and utterly dynamite run right above me right now as I work, as well as a marvel 80′s themed poster behind me that’s at least half x-men for good reason. I love this gang of mutants and I have not talked about them enough.
I”ve done some X-Men stuff sure: I’ve talked about hickman’s time as head writer of the books a year in earlier this year, I did a few scattered reviews back when I did single issues of comics, and then we get to the one I beefed big time: covering ALL of X-Men evolution. While it’s a noble endeavor I freely admit to overexerting myself: I recapped the episodes way too closely, gave myself no real schedule and did so while I was already covering two shows a week at the time. My point is it was a good idea, but the timing was REALLY fucking bad and if I do it again, I intend to do it right and iwth a proper place in my now properly paced schedule. I also planned to do the movies which, unlike evolution, I have solid plans to do once I clear out some of my projects. Point is I burned bright and then exploded and took a whole projecet with me phoenix style.
I had until this moment yet to do a really big x-men project, something digging into the comics, something that could help fans both of the comics and not get familiar with something really good, and help me dig into both the good and bad of something. I jsut needed the right start.
Then Christmas gave me that spark, that project that gave me the idea for a butload more x-men content on here and was the perfect starting point for some. See my friend Marco lives in Honduras, and so since i couldn’t afford to send him anything for christmas in the mail, as i’m not exactly rich, I instead offered him three reviews of anything.l He still hasn’t taken up two of them, nor one I gave him for graduating college, but the first one was a doozy, something he hadn’t read due to not liking the art, which is fine as I have some art in comics I don’t like everyone has diffrent tastes, at least for the first arc, and something VITALLY important to x-men as a whole and that’s the backbone of hickman’s current run: the first arc of new x-men, e is for extinction. And given New X-Men is one of my faviorite comics of all time I not only lept on it.. but decided fuck it I’m covering the whole thing. So every so often on here from now until I finish, i’m going to be covering Grant Morrisons ground breaking, mind shattering, status quo destroying run on the children of the atom. This.. is going to be fucking awesome. Buckle up.
New X-Men came about in 2001. Stop me if you heard this one: The X-Men, once marvel’s best selling title and one of i’ts most beloved, had been set adrift in a seal of editorial bullshit, bad writing, bad storylines and a stale continuity where not much could change or grow and things always reset to about the same place it was last week. If this sounds familiar it’s because it somehow happened AGAIN thanks to Ike Perlmutter’s bullshit, hence the current hickman run, but we’ll get into all of tha tsome other time. Point is as it was in 2018, so it was in 2001: The x-men were in bad straits and marvel reached out to a host of various creators to swing for the fences and find a new direction, something to bring sales and life back to the book. To my shock they actually took a LOT of diffrent pitches in before Morrisons won and from huge names: Geoff Johns, who had not yet returned to DC never to leave, Alex Ross, Keith Giffen.. all huge creative types. but in the end the best man won.
For those unfamiliar with him, Grant Morrison is a gloriously batshit scotsman with a long, storied and delightfully insane history in comics, mostly at DC before and after this comic. This is for good reason: DC scouted Morrison specifically because of his early work at 2000ad. See at the time Alan Moore had hit it really big with Swamp Thing, taking a d list, so so book and making it into an utter masterpiece and giving it thoroughly interesting mythology. Given it was a blockbuster hit that’s still widely loved and discussed, as it should be today, DC decided to repeat the strategy of asking British indie comics creators to come do the same to another property. This same experiment is why Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman exists, so.. yeah it was actually a great strategy and naturally Grant had their first big hit with Animal Man, a metafictional take on a b-list hero that made him a loveable family man, while also putting him through hell and playing with the medium and dc’s vast history, the last two being Morrison’s trademark from then on out.
They’d next go on to reinvent one of my other faviorite teams: THE DOOM PATROL! The patrol are a bunch of victims of strange accidents who got powers out of them that are basically curses... and Morrison solidified that concept, taking over after a weak run that ironically enough was trying to imitate the x-men’s success at the time. Instead Morrison just went all out with his weird shit for the first time and made them a team of broken but likeable people with weird powers fighting just the weirdest most incomprehensible shit, a run i’ll likely be digging into eventually along with the team as a whole. It’s also, along with Gerard Way’s recent run, the bedroock for the current and utterly masterful doom patrol series I need to catch up on. They also apparently once wrote a satrical comic starring and lik mocking hitler... a fact I somehow JUST learned but naturally doesn’t surprise me at all.
Morrison’s career at dc, after doing some creator owned stuff there when Vertigo opened up, hit it’s peak in the late 90′s as they were given the go ahead to reinvent the Justice League, with the wildly successful and awesome JLA, another book I probably need to take a look at that put the big 7 back into the team. And by now your probably getting the point of me covering his career pattern.. besides giving morrison the praise they deserve, and they’d have some really great runs after this.. and some terrible ones but no one’s perfect. My point is that at this point in their career Morrison’s greatest skill was taking something that had grown stagnant or been forgotten, blowing it up and reworking it into something glorious and new. Taking what worked, scraping away what didn’t and on the whole making something fucking glorious out of it. So here we are. The X-Men needed a new coat of paint and uncle grant had their lcd laced psycadelic paint bucket and brush shaped like a pidgeon at the ready. And for better, way better and admitely sometimes here and there worse,they changed the x-men for good. Some changes were rolled back out of spite, others finally got their chance after said rollback recently, and some were just outright thrown on the grown and smashed with a hammer. But for the most part Grant left a huge impact on the x-men and i’m here to show you why, warts and all. To me my x-men, this is new x-men. Now naturally there’s even more exposition but i’ts more in what COULD’VE been. Originally while Wolverine, Cyclops, Jean Grey and Professor X were all part of the team the other two members of the slim roster for this run, Beast and Emma Frost.. weren’t. Originally Morrison was going to have Colossus and Moira Mactaggert, long time team ally, token human until very recently, and now thanks to hickman one of the most important x characters peirod and long before that a fan favorite of mine, on the team, with Moira taking over for beast.
This.. didn’t pan out since Marvel apparently either didn’t give a shit about their plans or already had things in motion as the climax of the longtime legacy virus storyline killed both off. Colossus until Joss Whedon, bastard he may be, brought him back for his terrific Astonishing X-Men, and Moira SOMEHOW stayed dead until House/Powers of X. See this speaks to one of the big roadblocks morrison faced: Jonathan HIckman currently has absolute power and all his writers working in concert, a new way of doing things comic companies shold honestly copy en masse as it’s really working wonders. Grant.. was just one of many writers and one of three main x books the others being Chris Claremont’s XTREME X-MEN, basically “let the legend do what he wants since he can’t get freedom on the main book” and another writer on uncanny... before eventually chuck austen took over and I will tackle that horrible mess some other time. Point is while Morrison was setting the tone, costume style and making the big waves, they still didn’t have full power and thus had to play nice with eveyrone else. So their next idea was Rogue, making mer more like her x-men evolution version.. except Chris wanted her, so that was out, though being a decent enough guy he willingly gave up Beast since the moira thing meant Morrison needed a science person. As for Colossus replacement, as it turned out a fan had suggested Grant do something with Emma Frost since Gen X was canceled and while Morrison had zero intention for it clearly Emma clicked with hthem and she was soon both a main part of the cast and one of their biggest contributions to X-Men as a whole.
As for what I think of the needed changes.. they ended up being for the best. I do like Moira... but Hank ended up being a much better fit for the team dynamic wise and power set wise, while Emma was the same. While Colossus, Rogue and Moira are all fantastic characters, I think what we ended up with was just a better mix overall. I DO think the team is incredibly white, but that’s a general x-men problem, even with having an assload of diverse and intresting characters, so it’s not entirely his fault. All in all it’s a fantastic roster: four of the x-men’s best, their leader in the field for the first time in forever, and a new and intresting wild card. IT’s a nice ballance of characters and we’ll get more into it as we go. Now all the expositions done, we can finally dive head first into new x-men. I hope you survivie the experince under the cut.
After an utterly gorgeous and striking cover, the one used up top, we get one solid page to introduce us to Morrison’s mission statment, how they feel and how good Frank Quitely’s art looks
I cropped it best i could for tumblr but this one image immidetly says a lot. Our heroes are just.. easily taking down this sentinel, an old model... the same one we’ve seen a dozen times. What were once the grim, possible destroyers of an entire race of beings in days of future past and devistating killing machines in the present.. had become stale easily defeated murder bots There had been noble attempts to really make the sentiinels work again like the horrifying omega sentinels, humans forcibly converted into sleeper agent killing machines, during operation: zero tolerance, but otherwise they were mostly just a prop for the x-men to knock down. And that.. really is morrison’s whole point. Lampshading and mocking the fact the x-men had grown stale, things hadn’t really progressed.. and that it was time to move on. But to Uncle Grant’s credit, they not only uses this as a mission statment but it’s plot relevant: this mission will both be explained soon and explains why Logan and Scott are out and about enough to end up where the plot will soon need them. It also helps, via the sight of the syndey opera house establish something Morrison made a staple of their run: the X-Men going global. While the x-men were never really NOT global post claremont, Morrisons run has them handling rescue missions and what not worldwide far more often than most runs before it sans Claremont, and really made it feel like they weren’t just another super team but a global force of good with a specific goal and mission. More on the global aspect next time, as that’s where it really comes in but I felt it was important to show it was there for minute one.
So yeah before we move onto the first full scene of the run, let’s talk about the costumes.
We’ll talk about Emma’s later since she’s not introduced to the story for a while but yeah. There’s a sharp, obvious and immediate change just in the outfits, which take after the movie’s more military look, having the x-men not only look more like a unit but more like a professional orginization. Someone to come and help when needed. While this would take on more siginifigance in a bit, we’ll get to it, it also fits Morrisions own views that the x-men were less of a traditional superhero team and more something different on the edges that fought things out there, sorta what like he did with doom patrol. And it’s honestly a valid interpretation as the x-men are often seen as outlaws and misfits by society for beingn well.. mutants. Not as trusted as the avengers. So having them adopt this look played into that: Having them look more professional and focused as The X-Men have a less blanket mission statement than the avenger.. but also mildly threatning. Something to alarm the humans. It’s an utterly brilliant look thrown best together by the big yellow x’s, still giving it a nice flash of color to show off and show this is still a comic and this is still damn colorful.. this just isn’t your AVERAGE supherhero comic or the x-men your used to. IT’s a real shame the only fox x-men movie to use it was fucking dark phoenix.. a film where it didn’t even fit as xavier was getting flashier and more reckless so why wouldn’t he have more garish and colorful and more traditional superhero outfits. They did look good in their variants in first class though. Props there. Point is this is a classic, utterly stunning look, and tha’ts coming from someone whose fine with goofy superhero outfits and perpetually bitter hawkeye is almost never allowed to wear his actual comic outift and is instead stuck with shades instead of you know.. a mask. Or anything resembling an actual good looking costume. This though this is how you do a less superheroy costume: practical and realistic, but still cool looking and comic book friendly.
We cut to a mysterious lady, we’ll come to know her as Cassandra Nova and while I know her origin... i’m saving it for later as the comics themselves explain it eventually, and a simpering dolt she brought with her, Donald Trask, a distant relative of the creators of the sentinels who, via holograms she’s showing cro magnons slaughtring the neanderthal. Her point is that Mutants are going to do this and she’s clearly fearmongering him and trying to talk him into genocide: to wipe them out before they wipe out humanity. And it’s here we get one of hte most important plot points of Morrisons run and one of the most intresting: according to cassandra’s research Humanity will be no more in 4 generations. Mutankind is on it’s way to overtaking them at last.. i’ts still a few decades off.. but it’s coming. It’s sometihing that the whole decimation nonsense sadly snuffed.. and John Hickman has thankfully brought back. I’ll get to his run once i’ts complete in a few years, but point is it’s an utterly marvelous plot hook: Humanity, whose already attempted genocide a few times, is now in real danger of what their petty, racist, fearful attacks have been about: being replaced. It’s one of the central themes of the work the other two being “Just what IS mutantkind and what will it be”. WHat are they as a people? We’ll dig into these as we go but the threat of exctincion is the backbone of this arc... and will lead to something truly ghastly.
It’s then we get our title page.. which nothing really to add it just looks really good and helps show off who are cast is and what they can do with striking simple art.
And since we’re already talking the art of the book, let’s take a moment to discuss an intresting detail of this run: despite it’s short length there’s quite a few diffrent artist, who we’ll talk about of course as we get to each one. The most common and notable though is Frank Quitely. Frank Quitely is one of Morrison’s closest and best creative partners, having a unique, squishy art style.. i.e. the one my friend didn’t like which is why i’m covering this. And while I like the art style quite a bit, I do get why it’s not everyone’s cup of tea: His art is squashed, weird, and admitely some faces can be good god no incaranate. But it’s also why I like it: his characters feel unique, each body and figure feels like it was custom made and thus feels.. real. Like this is a person before you. And given comics can often surrender to having everybody look the damn same, this is nice. His faces may sometimes look similar but his bodies are where the action is. But while having a realistic feel his work also has a weird alien quality that perfectly fits Morrison, and thus his run on x-men. I will say while I love All-Star Superman, his art fits less there in the more hopeful silver agey story, so he’s not an artist for EVERY STORY OF EVERY TYPE.. but when it comes to sci fi weridness, he fits it like a glove so i’ts unsuprising he and morrison are practicaley soul mates, nor that his art sets the tone perfectly for the run: this is something new, diffrent and strange.. and what says x-men at it’s best more than that?
So after our opening titles we cut to the mansion where Hank is showing off his latest and greatest invention: Cerebra. Cerbebra is a massively upgraded version of Cerebro, aka Professor Xavier’s iconic helmet that allows him to track mutants to help them out.. and covertly backup their conconousness for his long game plan, but shhhh, don’t tell anyone yet that’s not going to be retconned in for a few decades. Though i’m damn certain if Morrison has heard about the current era of x-men and how it both builds on what he built, shatters the status quo and is incredibly weird, he’d be damn proud. As for how it’s diffrent Cerebra not only has a large dome around it but said dome allows the machine to amply Charles powers to a global reach. He can now see mutants all over the world anywhere in the world, something I didn’t realize wasn’t ALWAYS a thing because it seems so simple. It’s also likely to bring it more in line with the movies. And while marvel has done TERRIBLE with bringing things in from the movies or in line with them in recent years, i.e. making star lord more like his movie self while forgetting that’s how he already used to be in canon before later writers thankfully did hte better step of merging the two, Hawkeye’s outfit, Cap’s outfit or Nick Fury Jr. But for every mistep there’s also been tons of times it’s worked out really well such as here, as well as bringing hulk into the avengers for the first time since the founding, making tony stark more like the mcu version and less like a nightmarish self righetous dicktator who rightfully gets beat up and called out a lot, making Scott Lang prominent since he became prominent in the MCU, Wakanda being a major force in the marvel universe as it always should have been and various titles that have popped up to tie into movies, often bringing back a team or property that hadn’t had a book in some time like Ant-Man, Black Panther, and Shang Chi just to name a few. It’s not always hawkeye looking all jeremy renner is what i’m saying.. though thankfully comics clint isn’t that uninteresting. Hopefully the series will change that.
So yeah along with a bigger shinier cerebro we’re also introduced to a big change in Hank whose taken on his lion form rather than his classic gorilla with a weird haircut or his return to that except bald. Here he’s more like aslan in a human body and I.. love it. It looks great, helps sell hanks delima of being brilliant while looking like a beast and makes sense: he kickstarted what was likely his own secondary evolution by drinking the potion that made him bestial, so it only makes sense his body wouldn’t be all that stable even if it took years to change again. And even that makes sense as hank was breifly turned back to his original hairless ape mutation during x-factor, easily one of the books.. worse decisions honestly and one that louise simonson thankfully later undid. That probably bought him some time hence why it’s only mutating further now. It also adds an intresting wrinkle which the run will explore further: how far does this go? Will he regress? and how much hank will be left? And how will society treat his new form?
For now he’s actually extatic. While he’s going through hormonal changes, and giving out some excellent banter with Jean
Which also includes one of the greatest lines in comic book history, one that’s been in my head for decades and made me absolutely love henry mccoy.
He’s just great is what i’m saying. As you can tell it’s stuff like this why i’m glad Moira fell through. While I love her.. Morrison’s hank is just a delight and one really questionable subplot aside, we’ll get to that, he’s one of the highlights of this run with an intresting internal struggle, and great chemistry with EVERYONE. And that is the main reason i’m glad Moira fell through as his history with everyone but Emma, who he still has a great raport with, means each interaction has weight. He’s close friends with both scott and jean and thus serves as their needed confidant, while still being able to buddy and banter iwth good old weapon x, and speak with his mentor charles as an equal. While I love moira... Beast just fits into the cast too perfectly and I 100% suspect Morrison was only using her because, while she’s awesome, Claremont wanted her and thus gladly snapped her up when he no longer had a science person. I’ll get into his Jean soon enough but she’s likewise fantastic and easily my faviorite version of the character.. not that until very recently there was much honest competition.
So Cerebra fires up showing a massive cloud of mutants, showing just how much of a huge spike theirs been with Xavier wondering what it all means.. and Hank seeing a weird flare on the mointor for just a second with his special eyes. But since Xavier isn’t stupid and isn’t the kind of idiot who just dismisses it as a fulke, and since Scott and Logan are in the field, he decides to confrence call them in to see if they can go take a look.
And naturally we get to see what their up to and get context for what the hell happened in the first page. Our heroes were on a rescue mission to save Ugly John, tha’ts what people called him, a three faced mutant who ends up passing out as they head out of the atmosphere for a second. Wolverine is regenerating and smoking out of his neck becaue he could still smoke back then before marvel decided “he’s setting a bad example”.. in a comic meant for teens and adults.
I mean I get it on some level as the x-men cartoon was a huge thing in the 90′s and Ben Grimm is basically a giant children’s toy with the mind of a surly 40 year old jewish man from yancy street, but stilll it’s just.. why. I may not like smoking but it’s not like it was SPIDER-MAN saying
It’s a grown man.. whose not a sterling roll model and who Claremont went out of his way to have Logan point out his healing factor means it really dosen’t hurt him in the long run and when Kitty, an actual teenager, tried one of his cigars she choked. I know it’s a weird thing to get hung up on but while i’m all for keeping kids from smoking, this was a really clumsy way to try and hehlp that that made no sense and will never make any sense.
One tangent later we find out that Cassandra was showing Trask a simulation on a flight to, unsuprisingly, south america, to a sentinel blacksite. Between covertly funding civil wars as they do, the US Goverment naturally founded an experimental sentinal project, and a second master mold during the production of the first line... when larry trask asks where it could possibly be well...
Subtly was not the trasks strong point.. or common sense... or.. not realizing their creations would dominate humanity too or not dying.
Anyways we then cut back to the x-men, as their having a psychic zoom meeting with Charlie giving one of his patnted big speeches.. and like a lot of this comic it’s too damn good not to use
The reason I couldn’t should be obvious: This one speech sums up the x-men, why their great and why their necessary in a nutshell: in a world full of prejucided morons.. there’s plenty of scared kids who NEED the x-men to protect and guide them, and with a surge in the mutant population, their needed now more than ever. We also get a good explanation in universe for the uniform change: Charles had them in the superhero outfits hoping humanity would accept them if they were packaged as something they know. Since that clearly hasn’t worked he’s trying new ways to reach out and thus going with a diffrent more rescue team approach to the uniforms. He assigns Wolvie and Cyke to go check out the flair as you’d expect and the meetings over. On the blackbird we get our first hint at a subplot as Logan noticed Cyclops couldn’t wait to get out of there, and is being a tad distant to his wife. He actually has reasons for being kind of cold for once instead of just bad writing as he just came back from being possed by apocalypse. Yeah that happened. So the experience has rattled our boy some what. More on that as we go. But Jean ducks the subject with hank but does breach the fact that Charles has been going kind of crazy with the spending, new uniforms and ambition lately. Hank explains it perfectly: After all the death, suffering and misery the x-men have endured lately, the aforementioned deaths I talked about that took Colossus and Moira off the roster, have lionzed Charles to make sure it was all worth something and look towards the future.
But enough hope time for horror as Cassandra makes her first direct move, trying to take over Charles brain , make his body her own and use cerebra to kill lots and lots of mutants. We then get one of the best moments of Morrisons run with Charles response to a horrifying monster trying to take his brain
While it is shocking to find out Charles has a gun..it’s a grim but kind of understandable precaution. The guy once got fully taken over by a brood, assembling the New Mutants in part because the brood wanted to create more of i’ts kind with more super powers. You’d be paranoid too if some of your beloved students were brought together partly due to your good intentions and partly because a space monster wanted to make more space montsters out of helpless teens, and even horribly gaslighted one of them. We’ll get to that some day. Point is Charles brain is one of the greatest weapons on earth and if the wrong person got a hold of it, it’d be the end of said earth. Thankfully Charles does not need plan gun, as Jean yanks Cerebra off him but the sheer HATE Charles felt from Cassandra, the sheer power has rattled him.. and also told him she’s in Ecuador and his X-Men need to be warned NOW. It’s a great way to set up just HOW powerful Cassandra is. Speaking of which as our first issue of the arc ends, we find out two things: Cass faked being int he government but really just used dead soldiers as prop.. and just what kind of sentinels are out there.. wild sentinels. Easily my faviorite variant of the old killing machines and one that’s barely used despite being really damn awesome. Their adaptive killing machines, designed to mutated just like their pray and take tech from around them, as a result they look like a jumble of guns and parts.. but not only does it give them a unique, cool look.. but it makes them ten times deadlier as instead of being big bricks of robots that while intimidating, the x-men know how to kill... their unpredictable variable killing machines. You can figure out how to kill one sure.. btu the next might be entirely diffrent. They are one of morrisons best creations and I hope someone uses the idea again.. aka hickman. Please use it jonathan I know your focused on nimrod but come on.
And we end on one of the best lines of the entiire run as we close out the issue
Yeah it goes without saying but i’ll say it anyway; Morrison is really damn good with dialouge and being damn quotable.
So we open with another great quote “When I got up today I didn’t expect to kill 20 million people”... and Cassandra being aware Wolverine and Cyclops are on their way and sending the Wild Sentinels to dispatch them. Also our heroes brought Ugly John along while while a dumb move, Wolvie does point out how dumb it was to divert to Ecuador with a civlian in tow.. after the plane crash of course. As for “wait what plane crash’, the sentinels attack and start picking it apart... and since letting them have such good tech is a terrible idea, Scotty blows up the damn plane. So to recap our heroes are stuck in ecuador, surrounded by murder machines, and oh look their there and knock off cyclops viser. Fantastic. So yeah our heroes are fucked. And naturally captured by the enemy.
The rest of the x-men are doing SLIGHTLY better. While beast makes a note for his girlfriend, more on that later on, Charles is in bed, half alive, explaning the rationale I gave for why he has the gun with Jean refusing to let him get back out of bed and you know.. put on the device that just nearly killed him. But when beast announces they lost contact with our boys.. yeah that ceased being an option.
Back in the Ecuadorian Genocide Factory, Cassandra does the obvious and kills donald trask as his real purpose..was to stick around and be stupid for a bit while she copied his dna so she could have full control of her new murder toys.She soon uses them, having a horrifying death chamber slaughter john.. or at least flash fry him. Wolverine takes it how you’d expect and since the sentinels need to “perserve trask dna”.. they can’t fire on him without killing her. Scott escapes.. and in a heart wrenching scene mercy kills john.. before getting badass.
To anyone who says Scott Summers is boring, unintersting, or a stupid asshole idiot head I present exhbit shut the fuck up. Morrison gets scott just right, deconstructing his emotional suppression, while showing him off as a dedicated, companionate man who gets the job done and who seconds after tearfully having to mercy kill an innocent mutant whose death was partially his fault, wastes no time making it painfully clear to the person responsible she WILL die if she tries that again. Logan however realizes she’s already won in some fashion as she’s grinning.. and yeah never a good sign when a genocidal madwoman is grinning like a loon.. and when we find out why.. it’s even less good> We cut to Genosha. A lot of you probably know what happned to Genosha but in case you don’t know what it is it was once a horribly racist country that genetically enslaved mutants and used them for slave labor. It was freed, but still struggled to truly move on.. till Magneto showed up, took the country for himself and made it a home for all mutants. When we last saw him he once again tried to take over the world leading to Logan seemingly killing him. Right now though Emma Frost finally enters the scene teaching some mutants.. when a young one named Negasonic Teenage Warhead.. yes that one and yes she was entirely chosen for deadpool for her name, reveals, via precognition, that their all going to die.. right as the sentinels attack.
Genosha.. is gone. In an eyeblink 16 million mutants are dead, a possible future gone, and one of their greatest leaders is no more. Yeah Magneto WAS alive.. but paralyzed so he could do nothing when his island was utterly slaughtered. Only a handful of mutants will be revealed to survive. Humanity had done a lot to mutants before .. but for once.. they’d succeeded in wiping a massive chunk out. What was an x-men location for DECADES at this point.. was now a smoldering crater. A what could of been that would hant the x-men ever after, even now into utopia it remains the darkest day in mutant history outside of hte decimation. It is a truly horrific moment.. and if the changes already hadn’t made it clear this is morrison saying “NO character is safe, nothing is safe, and nothing will be the same and I damn well mean that”. In one act of hate the world has changed. And it hasn’t finished changing yet.
Issue Three opens hammering in things, as Jean and Beast are in the ruins of genosha, with Xavier having found ONE surivor among the rubble, and our heroes sturggling to find even them, though Jean eventually picks them up and uses her TK to sift through the rubble.
They find Emma who emerges from a bunker in shock, clutching NTW... and not realizing she’s dead until later and revealing she now has diamond skin, her own secondary mutation. Secondary Mutation was a birlliant idea, new powers sprouting up within established mutants.. it’s just morrison barely used this great idea as did hardly anyone else. Only X-Men Blue ever really dug into it and those were artifical at that. IT’s a great idea..it’s just barely used and at most heavily implied to explain changes in powers like Jamie Madrox Multiple Personalities later on or Doug Ramsey’s vast increase in power. Disapointing.
While Charles takes in the tragedy and the fact his old frienmie is dead, the x-men wonder what the fuck Cassandra is and what to do with her.. why did she kill 16 million people, and what the fuck is she. I mean I know, but as I said i’ll explain that when the story does. IN the other room Beast tends to Emma who wants none of not fucking killing Cassandra.. and is utterly right. Bitchy, because i’ts Emma, but right: she killed 16 million people. Say what you want but while it may not be up to the x-men to kill her.. she shoudln’t be living much longer. She commited genocide. Emma decides fuck that and prepares to leave summoning a cab and making peace with being a glorious living fabrige egg. Emma did apparelty change in generation x.. but Morrison is responsible for returning her not only to being a bitch, but a gloriously delightful one And really I don’t think they reset her character entirely: she’s not the heartless monster she started out as: she has empathy, grace, and caring.. she just buries it under a lair of absolute bitch and after you know, surviving a fucking genocide who can blame her? And honestly.. I love their verison of her. She provides a nice contrast to the more idealistic, even logan, x-men and a nice contrarian voice in the room without being obnoxious and her style and sacrastic swagger makes her endlessly entertaning. Thanks to morrison she’s stuck around to this day and went from a pretty good character.. to a great one. And what makes her this way, or as jean puts it “such a bitch?”
With that settled, Hank explains what Cassandra is: a competing species. As he puts it sometimes evolution takes a quantum leap forward.. and Cassandra is the result. Thus she wants to wipe out the compettition and is so far above humanity, she dosen’t need them... especially since she knows what Hank now knows: humanity is at an end. As hank puts it we have an E Gene, one that basically shuts off a race.. and thus the x-men now know what we learned earlier and that cassandra wasn’t lying: in 4 generations there are no more humans and something has to repalce htem. And Cassandra wants it to be her.
Before Logan can do what he does best, and asks why she looks like charles, Cassandra escapes, and Scott briliantly urges them to fight only on instict as she’s a telepath. A damn awesome fight insues including Cassandra donning Charles Psoonic battle armor, Scott being put in his black bug room and the general good looking chaos you’d expect from a superhero fight. While this goes on Emma has an ephinany and realizes she likes to teach, the x-men have a school.. and she shoudln’t give up on helping kids just because of what happened and turns around.
Cassandra is near victory, slipping her way to Cerebra.. and planning to kill only one mind before getting to the millions she wnats, a horrifying slug manifesting around her.. only...
So the x-men accept this and cassandra rises.. seemingly saying “I am charles” Huh... and then charles uncaracteristiacally shoots her saying things must change
We’ll get to what all of that means next time as we close on Jean and Scott in bed. Scott explains why he’s been so distant as what I said earlier: fighting off apocalypse stripped away a lot of illusions about himself and he’s having a hard time walking back from that but Jean is willing to help.. but before they can resolve their issues.. charles has an annoucnment to make and grant has one last whopper of a suprise to end his opening arc on, and just like genosha...it’s a game changer of titanic proportions
No longer is Xavier’s School hidden. Their walking into the light now and so is charles. Hope they surivive the experince. Obviously this move is brilliant: while it removes the veil of saftey the x-men had it also brings on tons of new possiblities and unlike secondary mutation, this one not only stuck but would impact the x-men for good: no longer would they hide and cower.. their mutant and proud.. and their here to stay. E For Extinction is one of the best x-men stories period. Blisteringly paced, full of great character, great concepts and utterly terrifying and terrific moments that would impact the x-men all the way to present day. It’s beautifully drawn, well paced, and a masterwork. I highly recommend it and it’s a great kickoff to a great run. Shame the run couldn’t of ended on this kind of high but.. we’ll get to that. For now this is a masterclass in how to start a run and if you haven’t read it do so NEXT TIME ON NEW X-MEN: A bunch of weirdos try to harvest mutant organs, the x-men get a brain in a jar and a new teamate, and Scott maybe cheats on his wife. Until then, goodbye goodbye goodbye.
#new x-men#x-men#grant morrison#frank quitely#e is for extinction#the x-men#wolverine#logan howlett#cyclops#scott summers#jean grey#henry mccoy#beast#professor xavier#charles xavier#professor x#cassandra nova#emma frost#the white queen#sentinels#genosha
30 notes
·
View notes
Note
💫 i'd love to hear about any of ur oc f/os!!
send me a 💫 and I’ll tell you something about my f/o’s source or f/o’s character! Feel free to specify what f/o you want to learn abt
ok so allen and nori (allen belongs to @vampking) are a pair do not separate these walking spoilers /lh
anyway they go through a lot of ups and downs in panda pearl, before the story and during, and they also are deeply in love and p much soulmates and me? well im just gonna slip in between them dont mind me <3 also nori doesnt admit he loves allen for like 20 fucking years even though they'd throw everything away for him what kinda slow mutual pining. i gotta help pus hthem along !! thats just what i gotta do!!
anyway nori is panda themed, allen is puppy - i mean, wolf themed. they both have forms they can turn into related to those animals! also theyre gay and in love
thank u for sending anon im sorry htis is kind of a messY RESPONSE BUT!! i wuv them
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi Negan! I need an advice. I often get bullied at school because I am not slim and athletic like other girls, because I am clumsy and shy and because I like more watching tv shows and reading rather than going out. I am a girl with low self-esteem and every time I hear mean comments about me I can't help but get sad. How can I knock the bullies down? Or be more confident...
Oh baby girl, this fucking makes me blood boil. I HATE bullies with the greatest passion. I dealt with hthem in my job as a gym teacher/coach, and you do not know how many times I wanted to just knock their fuckity fucking blocks off. I did have my way of dealing with the little shits, without getting fired. I couldn’t let them get away with their disgusting behaviors.
I gotta share something with you sweetheart, I was actually bullied as a kid, yes, me, Negan, the fucker that’s been accused many times of being a bully himself. But yeah, I was beat up weekly, until I hit puberty, then the tables turned. Kids are fucking mean little shits, everyone knows that. But so are older kids, even fucking adults. My feeling is once a bully, always a bully, unless someone nips it in the bud.
Okay, let me tell you what’s going on in my mind. You could try to knock those fuckers down a peg or two, they deserve it and it can be oh so satisfying. But as long as you don’t practice a bit of self love, the bullying, unfortunately will most likely continue.
My sweet girl, you are fucking amazing, a one of a kind dynamo that has so much to offer the fuckity fucking world. As far as not being as “slim and athletic like other girls.” fuck no, you aren’t! Because you are a real girl, not some made up, bone thin, or over muscled Barbie doll. Being well read and shy, well, that’s a big turn on to most men, myself included. Fuck, I hope that didn’t sound too inappropriate, I’m sorry sweetheart. Didn’t mean it that way.
What I’m trying to say is you need to change the way you view yourself, stop listening to others, don’t pay any fucking attention to society’s fucked up ideas about what a girl, woman, should be. You, my love, are perfect, exactly the way you are. You are a shooting star, do not let anyone dull that shine. And anytime you get down on yourself, think of what I said and just try to take it in.
All my love, my amazing girl
Negan
Okay, I wasn’t gonna say this, but I can’t not. If it gets to be too much, give me a buzz. Lucille and I are just aching to give some asswipes a talking to. I am not going to be able to just stand by while my sweet doll is being treated less than the princess she is.
I just want to take you in my arms and squeeze the ever fucking loving stuffin’ outta ya. Then take you for your favorite treat, I’m a big ass ice cream man myself, lovin’ some rocky road. But maybe you’re a taco girl? Pizza? Spaghetti? Please don’t say you love salads, I mean, they have their fucking place in our food chain, but they most certain-fucking-ly are NOT a treat.
Maybe we can take a ride in my Charger, take in the scenery. A movie? Maybe just a coffee. Anything for you. Just want you to realize that you are NOT what the bullies think you are. You are NOT what those little voices in your head tell you. You ARE a caterpillar just waiting to change. And I wanna watch you spread those gorgeous butterfly wings and fly.
XONegan

#jdm takeover#anon request#negan#negan x reader#negan x female reader#negan fanfiction#crzcorgi requests#jeffrey dean morgan#crzcorgi crz 4 negan
33 notes
·
View notes
Note
Omg I loved your titans au. Especially marinette’s. Like, you can still tell she’s a sorceress but she’s not as dark as raven would (even though I love raven so damn much) and how Adrien looks a bit like chat but normal and his ears and face are kinda like if they were beast boys but una more humanly (catlike?) way. ALSO, Alya just looks cool af. The colors really fit her and her hair looks awesome and boi she’s just gorgeous. (Btw does this mean that Nino is starfire?)
;O;; thank you so much, im so glad!!!!! i tried my best to incorporate certain elements of their miraculous’ into their titans designs, tho i might mess wit hthem a bit more (like i think im gonna put a wifi signal on alya’s chest if it looks good that way rgtrfgt)
god nino as starfire would b rlly good,,, but hat would leave chloe to be robin and i jsut dont think she’d fit that role well LOL. so currently im going with nino is robin (albeit a little more chill) and chloe is starfire
8 notes
·
View notes
Note
Here- -gives baby munchkin kitten- you are the mother now- enjoy!
i have a baby munchkin in an attic i need to open a window and give it Fresh Air i love hthem so much? they can be friends with ringo i love them sobs
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok here we go :D im not tonna talk abt lore cuz. thatll take wayyyy longer lol
-- MAJOR CHARAS -- thorne rook, 17, they/them or it/its, agender nb, void + sky-level magic, former consciousness of the void contained in a human vessel, true neutral, aro + gay (nblm), qpp iz eira! theyre my shamless self insert XD theyre autistic and psychotic and they have ocd :p one of their delusions is that theyre Still badk There, and the whole livint life thing ie just wnother torture thing by the gods but. itz gettin better!!!! they have repressed trauma and liek ave journals upin journals of disorganised scrawling of theor repressed memories. i love it though.one time they had a psychotic break and gnawed its hands off :'( eira mais, 18, he/him or they/them, transmasc nb, purple-leve magic, godly power (based on starlight), chaotic good, demi-bi ace, qpp is thorne!! hes jus Baby :) hes autistic and has adhd and cries rly easily... he gets very very anxious and i just :( lov him. hes like a comfort chara waaaaaaah. theyre like the only godlt power thorne trusts theyre like bffs and stuff and theyre like super sweet and understanding of them. after rhe world resets he gets a lot more magic and well he gets overhwlemed by it andrew rook, 14, he/him, cis (i know. im sorry) male, unactivated pink-level magic, human, lawful neutral, bisexual! im sorry fir cis crimes he used to be cishet tho cuz hes based ib my brother but like less ab*sive and terrible lol. nothing much abr him hes rky close to thorne and hates skitchy skitchy rook, 24, he/him, trans male, crimson-level magic, human (Questionably), chaotic evil, bisexual, dating reiss! hes a bastard. he willingly helped blow up the universe! he luvs blowing shit up and also morally questionable experiments. like his bf was his former lab rat/partner so LOL. for contex he was a mc oc who nuked rhe world and spied on his brother and blew him up so uh. Ya. hes a bastard to everyone except his bf tho :-) also he hates magic god bless! kro, 25, he/him or xe/xyr or it/its, masc-aligned nb, 25% voidmonster 75% human, arcane magic, lawful neutral, aro ace, qpps with eira! basically his moms a monsterfucker and his dad was rhe result of monsterfucking, but that was Outlawed so! his mom got killed and he and his dad got on the run. its dad is missing tho :( xyr true form is like tpthis mostly dark purple-covered human with multiple eyes and claws and stuff, xes mostlt in xyr human form tho! it has an extra eye on its neck it needs to cover w a scarf :p also he gets intrusive toughrs a lof u_u eradon lai, 23, they/them or he/him, trans nb demiboy, human-turned demon, gold magic -> bloog magic, demi gay, qpps w kro!! ummmmmm his dad was like super super ahb*sive and bad and like they desperately needed a way out so this demon named orb made a deak with them to get hthem out if they turned themself into a blood demon and did blood magic on a Regular basis. he escaped rhen but like hee :-( like rhe whole fangs and horns and wings and all r cool but yknow! melliopi ulthys, 25, it/its or he/him or they/them, transmasc, godly power based on a black hole, purple magic, lawful evil, aroflux cupioromantic bisexual, dating triage! ummmmm hes like. the concept of destrucrion sorr of? and has been around for aaaages but only rly Became a person recently. he got sealed into a tvhead body by the godly powers :p its pretty chill about it though. it joking calls thorne "dad" cuz ir was rhe gods trying to kill the void that created him so yeehaw. venera sevet, 27, she/her or they/them, transfem nb, godly poeer based on lotus flower, purple magic, lasful neutral, pan, married to bellamy! shes the Momfriend bht also is constantly stressed out... she tries ro solve rhe whole desteuction of universe thing by herself cuz she feels like they need to take full responsibility and almosr bave a mental breakdown but then they ask for help and tis all good! they have bird winfs and also rhey accidenrally summoned rheir wife when they were both like 15 juice, 25, he/him or it/its, trans male, demon, shadow matic, lawful neutral, gay, dating thomas! its bastard time. hes also just a humble farmer :] hes like a wikdcard!!! hes half hellful half "id sell you to satan foe a coenchip" and jokes abt eating souls and stuff. it knows some oretty powerful fuckdd up magic tho -- MINOR -- triage, 24, they/them or ze/zem or she/her or he/him, fem agender, shadow, shadow magic, neutral evil, demi pan, dating melli! zes a shadow rhat Hates the gods and welp their bf is one so Shit Fucked. they do eventually work things out w him tho. also shes an assassin EXECUTABLE, 3, it/its or byte/bytes, genderless, sentient magical/cuesed viddy game, unspecific magic, chaoric neutral! its a video game rhat was accidnetally made sentient by its parenrs (triage n melli)! byte cant speak and like records peoples voices who talk to byte and then byte regurgiates it out in theie voices :-) byte possesses bytes dad to get around reiss ravine, 24, he/him or they/them, transmasc nb, voidtouched human, arcane magic, chaotic neutral, gay ace, dating skitchy, qpp is exxus! basically he also commited a crime and had to run away from home but fell into rhe void! srufd was ok tho and rhey were alright. half their face is a black skeleton tho :( they love skitchy even tho he like treated them like a lab rat at fiest its ok theyre in love and reiss now says stufd liek "id lwt you dissect me babe ;)" mira exxus (lasr name, firsr name), 24, they/them, nb, dragon, blue magic, true neutral, gray-aro bi, qpps w reiss! an ambassador from rhe skylands wh thinks theyre hot shit :p theyre nonverbal! bellamy shell, 26, they/them or ey/em, transfem agender, fire spirit, flame magic, chaotic good, demi lesbian, married to vene! eyre jusr Baby and also super sweet, they just want to make matching flower crowns for them n their wife :( ey worry a lot lyra melvich, 25, he/him or she/her, bigender, human, gold magic, lawful good, aro bisexual! hes a witchy cat person :3 he has one "cat" which is her demonic companion max! maximillian, ageless, he/him, agender, demon/shapeshifter, shadow magic, chaotic evil, gay! hes a bastard demin in the form of a calico cat wit eyes all over its body. also he can like spill his guts anytime its wack and he cant die. hes not bound to lyra or anything he just likes annoying her thomas trichton, 24, he/him, trans male, demi-godly power, lilac magic, neutral evil, bisexual, dating juice! his dad was a godly power based on a fire from a lightning strike so woooo fire powers!!!! hes an arsonisr baby yves trichton, 26, they/them or ve/vir, agender, demi-godly power, lilac magic, lawful good, lesbian! same as above but ve lashed out and vir dad cursed rhem into the form of a phoenix. its ok tho after they + thomas killed him they got their human form back! rheyre just one short of an eye >_< erois, 16, he/him or they/them or she/her, transmasc nb, former godly power based on a pupa turned into a geoup of shapeshifting butterflies, blue magic, chaotic neutral, gay. from a looong time in the past, accidentally got brought to the future! he likes bein in the form of humans or quadrupeds mostly torrent, 23, he/him, nb, godly power based on water ripple, green magic, chaotic neutral, lesbian! time travel powers babyyyy. hes bffs w erois niw but Accudentwllt brought hum into the future joshua merit, 22, they/them, nb, human, unactivated lilac magic, neutral evil, greyro gay, dating william! palaeontologist but also a mad scientist who experimented on their bff to "save their life" ;-) william radiz, 24, they/them or he/hum, trans nb male, irradiated zombie, purple magic, lawful neutral, bisexual, dating joshua! jusr a humble zombie in lov with a mad scientist :3 he has purple magic but his eyes glow bright green. rly wary abt rhe ethics of joshuas experimenrs bht Ah Well! doc cretin, 19, they/them or it/its or claw/claws, trans nb, magical/scientifi experiment of a human-dinosaur, purple magic, true neutral, aro! Experiment :( irs ok clawisnt traumatised or anything theyre just like. Sigh. classic joshua alk, 19, they/them or rad/rads, genderfluid, godly power based on nuclear waste, pink magic, neutral evil, aro ace! rhe one who accidenrally killed william >_< tekno, 15, it/its, genderless, former human turned robot/ai, purple magic, aro! alks younger siblijf who died and was tuened into an ai who got stuffed into a robot. it was left unaware abt the whole dying thing and being a robot so Uhhhhhhhhh repressed memories anybody!! it finds out and tries to murder alk out of just @__@ it calms down tho!
u kno what fuck it im gonna infodump abt my ocs on main
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
171013- saturday a rant dnt bother reading
i feel like i wanna talk to someone but then i think about it and what am i even expecting ? whenever i say smth i regret it immediately so just thinking abt expressing whats bothering me to others i just know ill regret adn feel guilty and embarrassed about it later so i never talk to anyone abt anything that goes on in my mind and it gets to the point where its so over bearing i feel like its drowning my head somehow , im so.. lonely wld be the word but lonely in my thoughts but like that doesnt even make sense idk im just writing here bc i need to let my feelings out somehow and i’d usually do it on twitter but like the 140 characters thing anyway i just feel like i want to let things out but whenevr i do i never like the answer i get, like if they give me advice i feel annoyed cus i wasnt asking for help i was simply stating how i felt (and most of the time its stuff that cant really be fixed?), if they tell me stuff like “i love you !” its like ok? ik its mean but someone elses love does not affect my situation at all since its an inner issue that doest rly have to do with self-esteem, and if they just are like ‘yeah’ or ‘thats so bad:(’ ijust feel like theyre not paying attention (even if they are) which makes me regret opening up, so i dont really know what im expecting when i vent to someone i guess i just want to feel like someone is listening to me idk im like so full of thoughts and feelings. writing this feels like its calming me down a little bit so i think im just gonna keep writing, in english (its funny how id rather open up in english since its my second language i feel more alienated from it so it feels less real? what im talking about seems less seriousdk) so whats circling in my mind is that i dont have anyone im urging to meet i dont have anyone i truly like anymore and that my ladies is so fucking sad and frustrating that ive mentally grown apart from my friends im just not myself when im with them and sure my fake-extroverted persona ive built throughout highschool is good at doing her job and she still gets along with them so well but now it feels like that side of me, the fake one, is another person like we used to share some “mental common ground” but not anymore i just dont have anything in common with that persona anymore so whenever im with my old friends i just become her it’s like i completely leave reality it makesme so lonely inside. and i cant help it its unvoluntary how i switch places with the other me i cant stop it and i hate it because i feel like its drowning me alive, along with my personal issues. lately ive been isolating myself a lot, i stay in the classroom during recess and i havent gone out in like a month.actually last time i went out i decided i just wont go out anymore i just think its not for me i truly dont have fun. is that okay like is that normal? like is just dont enjoy the loudness and the kind of jokes that go on, i think if grown too fast. i justdont wannatalk about drinking andsex and how evil the math teacher is, like its fine once ia while but iwanna discuss science and philosohy and share thoughs too, anything else is so irrelevant it’s so sos irrrelevant to me. not that i dont enjoy good laughs anddrinking, but for that i feel like i wanna be with someone who is special to me? like someone whoi respect intellectually first, and then we can laugh at dog memes. someone i can show my realpersona to,and the thing is i have my best friends she’s literally so perfect bc she’s smart but also silly so we can talk abt hitler but then we can talk abt that one episode of sponge bob ? but the thing is shes graduating this year, and she has like an almost boyfriend, so i decided i should start getting used to her not beingwith me, but thats way more lonely than i thought. the guy thing, it wasnt planned, and shes with her crush most of the time which i totally understand i watn them to be together and stuff but i dont have anyone else but her- that is the real me not the fake persona, the fake persona hasmany people- but i though “she deserves this” so decided to step back so they can concentrate on each other. she ofc wouldve never asked this of me, but it seems like it was the best, sometimes i feel like a huge burden to her. but now imrealizing how lonely it has made me, being with her is like letting go of a breath that ive been holding and im realizing how much i need her. so i thought of like ‘slipping’ back in but im faced with the fact that we will infact part ways when she graduates because we’re attending universities in different parts of the country so maybe i should be getting used to the solitude, until someone else comes. and someone else seems to be here, this one friend i have in my new class, but im so scared of opning up to her, im scared of her kindness to me. i always think “why is she so nice? why does she stand up for me” at first she wasa bit too rough for me but as we spent time together i think she realized what kind of person i am and changed her ways so now were getting closer and closer and it makes me so 불안해 and 두려워 (idk how to express the sentiment in english) i dont even know what im scared of, it;s not like ive been hurt before in that way i think? maybe i have i cant remember. the point is, i know i should let this person in because she’d help me but i just cant seem to opne the freaking door its like my hand is shakinly holding teh doorknob without actually twisting it. i do think i will eventually tho. anyway. i was saying i spend alot of time alone these days, reading,studying, twitter, watching stuff, and its really nice i really do enjoy being by myself but i honestly dont have manyb things to do? so eventually the Thoughts come, and lately what ive been meditating is how the reason why i dont get close or attached to people (again the fake me might get closed but not me) is because simply no one is as good company to me as myself? which is fine wyou know many people feel like that, but i hate that if im alone poeple thinkg i dont have friends or that im sad and they think its bad that i am alone which is really not the case. i could be with ppl if i wanted to i just chose not to. theres this particular guy in my class actually, who thinks he has to be my friends bcim often alone and it irriates me so much bc 1. hes interrumpting my enjoyable me-time 2. he does it out of pity and boi do i hate pity like sometimes i just stay in the classroom doing homework or reading and he comes in likw “why are u always alone:(” because i want to you fucking dumbass andtoday or maybe it was yesterday particularly he said “why are you always alone is it becayse you dont have freinds bc you went on exchange and dont know anyone” llike um no im alone because i literally want to be alone you absolute dipshit and ido have 10 times more friends than you i just dont feel like being wit hthem you fucking asshole it pissed me off so much as if he’s ?? helping in anyway ?? i just wish anyone whosaw me alone wld tjust think ‘i guess she likes being alone’ isntead of thinking that im alone bc no one is willing to keep me company. isuddenly got really mad writting this. i think this really calmed me downishould do it more often its not like anyone who follows me here wld open it, like ideally this is whatdiaries are for but i dnt like to waste paper. im gonna write the date as well
0 notes