#i love how they REALLY don't get each other lol honestly not everybody is just going to feel the same way about things

[savingthrcw]

"It will matter if we get caught on this mission at the company: if everything goes according to plan within weeks I'll be in the middle of illegal trades," she retorted, "One mistake and they'll come for us and whoever was associated with us. For now all we can focus on is making them buy that we are a real couple, we've been together long enough to move in together and I must know your best friend if we are taking this big step. You could have kept Caleb out of this, at the very least, our fake identities aren't just to protect us."

He just didn't seem concerned one bit, and Sarah didn't understand; on one hand, she couldn't imagine trusting someone that much, on the other she couldn't imagine dragging them into potential danger unless it was needed. Impossible to avoid. Damn it, had he thought nothing of the fact that her long term work partner had betrayed them all?

because I'm one-hundred-ten percent satisfied that Brewster can be discreet

"Happy for you. I didn't consent to trust him with my life or my secrets," she snapped, wondering why the concept of privacy was so hard to understand for a CIA agent. Especially when knowing there may be more traitors, just like there had been in the past. "Well, the way you said it before, given the context you gave me, I assumed you told him everything." It was a little better now, to know that he hadn't actually shared the entire plan and who else was involved.

Seeing how you've all but confessed to not having any friends, I suppose it was unfair of me to assume you'd understand

She scowled at the comment about her not having real friends, but she couldn't exactly deny that it was true: "Oh, that's real nice, Tallmadge. And you are certainly making a case for me opening up to that, it's not like you tricked me when I tried to be nice the first time, and blindsighted me this second time around."

She didn't know why or how he got under her skin so much; she was one of the very few agents, besides the double-ones, who had always been able to trick even other spies into believing her personality was whatever she wanted, but with Tallmadge she couldn't try to settle in her cover, let alone control her real feelings. But maybe it wasn't him - maybe it was Bryce, his ghost taunting her.

"Nothing besides not calling it a fit. I'm going to start making dinner for Caleb," she decided, "It's the least I can do if we're going to have a guest, even if it's weird that a boyfriend would invite his best friend to the house considering a real couple would be celebrating in a very different way." No, maybe it was him too, they couldn't see eye to eye on anything.

"But you can do something from now on to ease my mind," she continued in a calmer tone, making her way to the kitchen aisle to check what she could come up with, "Don't talk about my real identity to other people, only about my cover, even if they are brothers to you. Unless it's part of a mission or we agreed beforehand. Nothing about what else I may be working on, doing, thinking or feeling. I don't share my personal information easily, I don't want other people doing it for me. You can tell Caleb I'm an ass and you are uncomfortable with this mission, but you cannot tell him about other assignments I may be given later on when we are supposedly dating or things you may notice about my real personality." This to her was the most basic requirement, so basic that she hadn't thought it needed saying, but again, clearly they had different styles, which was the real problem.

"And later, tonight or tomorrow, we need to have a talk. We need to discuss what we want to do, including inviting guests, and what we expect from each other. We can't keep finding out the hard way how... different we are. You could have asked me what we were supposed to do tonight if you weren't sure. If you have any question or doubt: ask me. You didn't need to invite a buffer, I was going to make us dinner, and we would have talked. And then we would have pretended to be about to christen the house. That's all."

This woman was confounding. Ben never knew from one minute to the next whether or not his words would enchant or infuriate her, and gritting his teeth, he coolly pointed out, "If I truly have been followed for the past month or so, it won't matter if I've told Caleb, because he'll already be on their radar! Honestly, Sarah, I don't know what you're getting so bent out of shape over! It's not an insurmountable issue!"

It wasn't even an issue at all, as far as he was concerned, yet the high-strung agent was already rocketing up from the couch, their act of affection no longer at the forefront of her mind. She began to pace from one end of the room to the other, practically burning a hole through the throw rug.

"Do you understand that we could be killed any moment, for starting a secret investigation? Even by people who aren't part of this but don't want snitches among their lines. And you went and told someone else."

"I didn't just tell 'someone else,' I told my best friend!" Ben snapped. "Even if he wasn't the best and brightest in his field, he's wholly devoted to the truth. I don't care whether or not you trust me, Agent Walker, because I'm one-hundred-ten percent satisfied that Brewster can be discreet. Besides: I didn't tell him everything -- just that we're on a mission, and that we might finally get some answers on Sackett's death." Ben rose from his seat and folded his arms. "He doesn't know that you are helping me, specifically...he thinks you're just a piece of the puzzle in proving I'm in a faux relationship. That's all. Honest."

Sarah chastised him, and cheeks burning hot with frustration, Ben gripped his elbows and huffed. "I don't not care about what happens to you," he coolly said, "but you're right: I should've at least given a fair warning. Seeing how you've all but confessed to not having any friends, I suppose it was unfair of me to assume you'd understand."

A low blow, perhaps, but he was exasperated with her faulty concerns. And then she admitted to it being her fault, and brows rising high on his head, Ben blinked at her in bafflement. "What do you mean?" he pressed. "Sarah, it...it's not your fault, I just...I have a hard time with not acting whenever I see fit. I didn't feel it prudent to wait." Dropping his face into his hands, he sighed and rubbed at his tired eyes. "What should I do?" he wearily asked. "Obviously, you're still having a fit about this, so what can Caleb and I do to ease your mind?"

[dreamerinthemoonlight]

How they Kiss You (Kaeya, Xiao, Zhongli, Tighnari)

cw:Fluff, Very suggestive, very slight Kaeya angst

Kaeya x gn!reader, Xiao x gn!reader, Zhongli x gn!reader, Tighnari x gn!reader

Requests and Asks are OPEN

Kaeya

Kaeya's kisses come in several forms depending on his moods

More often than not they're teasing kisses, quick, with varying amounts of tongue. 

Somehow they still manage to leave you breathless and always, always wanting more

Kaeya seems to find your reactions amusing. He’ll pull away only for you to chase after him. After doing this several times he’ll “give in” and capture your lips for something long and passionate that makes all the teasing worth it. These usually lead to a good fucking that leaves both of you sleepy and satisfied

Other times, however, his kisses are incredibly gentle. They’re slow and sweet, accompanied by fingers in your hair or a hand cupping your cheek. These ones don't lead to anything more.

Or rather, these soft make out sessions lead to heart-pangs because you know that this is one of the ways Kaeya comforts himself. He loves your kiss, he loves your touch, and he lets them drive away the pain that he can’t always bury

sprinkled between these longer kisses, both the comforting ones and the passionate ones, are kisses to the top of your head

He finds it absolutely hilarious when you pout and glare because it’s all too easy for him to use his height to his advantage like that

Xiao

Xiao’s kisses change greatly as your relationship develops

At first his kisses are very hesitant. He often lets you take the initiative

When he does initiate he treats you a little like glass. He sees his strength as a yaksha and doesn’t want to accidently hurt you. Not when he’s finding that he’s craving something a little more passionate

Eventually, however you do manage to convince him that as human as you are, you’re not fragile. That humans are built to kiss and be kissed

Once he figures this out, make out sessions change drastically

You frequently find yourself perched on his lap, arms around his shoulders while he rests his hands on your hips. really, there isn’t an inch of space between you as you kiss until both of you are breathless

Zhongli

Honestly, full out, blistering make out sessions don’t happen very often with Zhongli (not that he can’t. Every now and then he gets in the mood and good bye underwear, lol)

He prefers things that are softer, more subtle, especially in public. Cheeks, fingers, foreheads, quick kisses on the lips, each full of tenderness and love. You never ever doubt the depth of feeling the ex-archon has for you

Despite his fondness for chaste kisses, things that say “I love you” not “let me fuck you”, he’s just as adept at diving you mad with lust

He presses kisses to your wrists, your neck--he really, really, really like kissing your neck, whether he’s trying to start something or not---every now and then using the faintest pressure of teeth.

Either way, you really never complain

Tighnari

I don’t see him giving a lot of casual kisses. He’s busy. You’re busy. Everybody is busy. The forest watch is busy gossiping about you, lol. So kisses and other forms of affection are kept to the moments that can be stolen from daily life

That doesn’t mean he’s opposed to kisses and stuff though. See, with him it’s not as much about how he kisses you, but where he kisses you.

Any chance he gets, he’s dragging you out of the forest watcher camp in an attempt to get some privacy and attempt to prevent some of the gossip that comes with living in relatively close quarters with people and up a tree.

He found very early on in your relationship that Sumeru’s massive trees make very good make out spots. Not only is it far away from anyone watching or listening in, but the leaves provide plenty of cover.

Of course, “where” doesn’t just refer to the trees

Tighnari is a researcher through and through. Since you started dating he’s come to enjoy “researching” the best ways to reduce you to a pile of mush

So while deep kisses with lots of tongue is fun, he likes leaves light, teasing kisses on your neck, any exposed skin on your chest, the skin just below your ears, and anything else he can get to.

There have been many occasions where his “research” has prompted experiments in just how far you can go in a tree.

[lukolabrainrot]

Calm theory Anon here!!

I seen some conversations happening in the blogs and I wanted to put my two cents in. I know my opinion really doesn't mean anything but here it is anyways lol. I think that Luke and Nic didn't happen right away for a bigger reason. I think they both needed to do some growing. She had to let go of her past which clearly she's been hurt before hence the statement she made that she was cynical about love. And he needed to learn how to speak for himself. Watching his interviews, and how he naturally let nic lead which isnt a bad thing. But sometimes when you're a people pleaser, your voice tends to get smaller and smaller everybody else Voice overrides your. So whatever he went through in the summer I hope he's grown and overcome things that were holding him back. I honestly don't think that Luke chose Antonia over Nicola. I honestly don't think that Nic didn't want Luke or Luke didn't want Nicola. It just wasn't the correct time for them yet. Things happen when they're supposed to happen. I too like lukolabrainrot think that L and N are together. I think they're in the mist of filming. but I also think that they're going to spend whatever time they have to strengthen their relationship. I think the fans have gotten a little bit crazy and hated on Luke just simply because he was a man. I think that as a couple, they need to be stronger before they come out. And they're also just enjoying being around each other again. I think the break was good for them. There's an old saying the distance makes the heart grow fonder. They're already strong enough but when you overcome obstacles it makes them even stronger. They've had five years of friendship. they were around each other for eight months filming plus another 6 months touring in the world. They were around each other an awful lot. Their bond is so strong. It's made numerous people that's never shipped people in their life ship them. Their endgame.

Thank you for letting me speak and for giving me the space to speak.

Thank you as always for your input!! Glad you are here Calm Theory Anon!! ❤️️

I too agree that I think a lot of life is timing 😉

[honeytabbies]

OKAY. HERE WE GO. my black bulls doggies!!!! :D

there's definitely a noticeable difference in style/quality of some of these just due to time between each design and/or how i was feeling at the time of drawing them (these hot and rainy summer months have been super rough on me)

ALSO they were all done symmetrically so that i wouldn't burn out and could actually finish them LOL . OK EVERYBODY BELOW

starting off with asta, a husky/coyote mutt!! :D in my au, devil users end up becoming hybrids of whatever their devil is. so since liebe is a coyote, that's what asta is too!! (also, i haven't drawn him yet, but yuno is a malamute :D similar looking breeds but different since they're not actually related!)

(here's liebe too hehe, scrappy lil coyote!!)

then of course, noelle, who's a saluki!! a very regal breed for a very royal gal!! i thought making her pigtails into her ears was a fun idea HEHEHE

(+ an alternate design version!)

here's finral, he's a shetland sheepdog!! gentle and sweet and always trying to herd his people together :) you might notice that with some of my designs, i end up doing extra scarring; that's usually just personal headcanons, as i think some injuries would be too grievous to fully heal. though some (for instance, gauche) don't have a canon story behind them, i just think they're fitting

vanessa, who's a cavalier king charles spaniel!! her ears sorta blend into her hair lol, i had an alternate version where they were the same darker brown as her fur but i decided that them blending in looked better and fit the breed standard as well.

gauche, the ever wary american akita!! being a fiercely loyal and protective breed, but aloof and suspicious of strangers.

then there's grey, who's a long-haired chihuahua!! sweet and skittish HEHE, also i haven't drawn it yet but i've always imagined her big transformation disguise that she's first introduced as to be a rottweiler LOL

next up is luck, a jack russell terrier!! i've always thought this was a very fitting breed pick, intelligent but highly energetic and a little mischievous !!!

and of course, magna is never far behind luck; he's a dobermann pinscher!! similar to luck in energy and intelligence, but even more fiercely protective of his loved ones.

GORDON!!! actually one of my favourite black clover characters, he's a dalmatian not only because of the fitting aesthetic, but also because of his kind and sensitive personality!

the masked supermage zora, a german shepherd! watchful and sometimes stubborn but loyal nonetheless made this pick fairly easy to come to. though, before getting to see more of him, my initial pick was actually a kai ken!

charmy's design is one that i'm the most proud of for sure; i mentioned in an earlier post that the different peoples are different species of animals. well charmy is a half toy poodle, half american badger!! i thought a badger was a VERY fitting pick, as they are generally unbothered by much unless their food is threatened LOL

and finally, lastly (for now) is nero!! she's a bull terrier, but i really wanted to keep her twin tails from her anti-bird form! her outfit is definitely the one i edited the most, i just wanted to give her something more practical out of personal preference.

additionally, henry is an old english sheepdog, nacht is a black norwegian elkhound/fox, and yami is a wolfdog!

I HAVE SOME OTHER CHARACTERS DOODLED HERE AND THERE but nothing else really finished yet. if there's a specific character anyone would like to see i would be SO happy to draw/doodle them to show off!! i honestly have a huge list of dog/cat breeds picked out for every character i could think of; i just am hellishly indecisive and can never pick who to start on next AHDSJAGDJSDK

THE POSITIVE RECEPTION TO MY ART SO FAR HAS MADE ME SO HAPPY BTW AUAGGHHH i have no idea how/if im able to reply to people directly but just know that i keep reading over everyone's reblog tags and stimming like crazy IM SO HAPPY THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH AUHGHFEHGGRH

[knightyoomyoui]

Jihyo x M/F Reader - "Just A Feeling"

This book makes a return today! For this oneshot, I'm sorry if this one may be complicated to read since I didn't make any outline for it and kind of... weird to read too, especially for female readers out there. This one is actually intended to be only for male readers because I think the plot of this suits them better since the story came from my perspective as a guy and from a real-life experience I'm currently going through. Don't worry though, I still tried my best to make this applicable to everybody since I made some changes to make it gender neutral, plus there's opinions from some various featured female K-Pop idols as my characters that portray my real-life classmates here, which female readers might relate to. So yeah, basically what you're about to read here is based on a true story (except starting from the climax until the end, which I just made up from my imagination since I haven't confessed yet lol.) about my huge crush with this one genuine girl from our class. And oh, I've said it already that it's not gonna be a fluff right? It's not gonna be a tearjerker though but for the softies there, this might hurt. Don't worry though, I'm going to write a one-shot special on weekend that relies more on fluff. Finally saw something that inspired me to write, that's why. Heh.

I was eating in our cafeteria along with my circle of friends in our room, talking about—well, guess what—sex education. We were trying our best to remain open-minded about the topic. Honestly, I don’t even have any idea why we would insert this topic to arrange a conversation in the middle of the public.

I know that these things should be taken seriously because they provide knowledge on how to establish a healthy sexual life in the future, but I just couldn’t help but feel a bit ashamed. Well, I wouldn’t be if only these girls would just lower their mouths whenever they'd ask or mention a term, especially when it’s too silly to hear.

I was afraid that others might hear us and lose appetite because of what we were discussing. I already made my move, providing a question pertaining to my curiosity and thankfully they answered me with the expected answer I wanted to know. That’s why I moved my head and roamed my eyes around to distract myself away from them since I don’t really find their current discussion interesting to me.

Looking around, there are many students along with us doing their own business mindfully. Eating together or alone in their respective spots and typing on the computer or writing notes as they review for their subject while on a break. Each was from different courses and grade levels, and of course we wouldn’t be the exception.

Some of our classmates too were on the another table, with them being formed together into their own circle they belong in. That is, until my eyes landed on her again as I check upon them. The girl with sharp jawline, boyish wild haircut, adorable with a touch of chic aura in her visual, and those big eyes I couldn’t avoid but to get sucked in whenever I get to be in contact with those shimmering pairs of hers.

The name of the girl I’m describing with much creativity and detail is Park Jihyo. She’s currently one of our brightest students in our class. If I’ll compare myself to her, well my intelligence is pretty below average and subpar to her attributes.

Whenever I glanced at her, I couldn’t help but pause and take a short time to admire what my sight was displaying for me. Just like today, she has that serious expression that I find both intimidating and… hot? Yeah, yeah, fine, you got me. I do think of her sometimes as a dominant or possessive girlfriend who loves to claim and tease, and I do get a bit intense and aroused just by thinking about it, especially when it fits her a lot along with her lean figure.

Damn it, you wouldn’t blame me. She literally is the embodiment of a girl crush that others would kneel on their knees for her. I may have not saw somebody like that, but oh I can’t just deny those words I’ve heard from the girls and guys on my room simping for her.

Setting aside to those qualities, I’ll make it plain and simple that she’s that beautiful in my eyes. I don’t care if I’m falling in love to a boisterous and fiery tomboy like Jihyo. Deep inside of that cool and boyish appearance of hers, I couldn’t count how many times I’ve encountered that soft girly demeanor she was hiding. That time when she squealed and raised both her fists in the air while looking appalled as the volleyball almost hit her face during our class in physical education would be my favorite.

She smiled again and laughed at whatever they were talking about, which is effectively contagious. She has that much effect on me already. Whenever her mood is, will be the same as mine. Guess I could say that’s how I could tell that I’m highly attached on her now.

I was so busy complimenting and being in awe of her that I almost responded too late when I saw Jihyo start to move her eyes around, and she went in the direction I was in. Just a little angle she shifted, and she would’ve caught my eyes staring at her, looking like it was attempting to hallucinate and connect to mine too.

But I was too weak for that, as always. I’m always weak for her. I pretend I didn’t just went to their side and busy admiring her as I returned to my friend’s discussion while my peripheral vision has unknown whether she felt like someone was stalking at her or as usual, nothing.

2 days later, we were waiting for the Calculus class to end because our professor has left us for some numerous problems to solve on the board and use it as an advantage to increase our points in recitation. He definitely might’ve went again to the mall and go eat samgyupsal again with his officemates at the faculty room that’s why we know we already have the freedom to be noisy and indulge on those differential equation as much as we want.

Our professor is busy grilling meat and stuffing wagyu meat in his mouth while us as his students were busy grilling our minds and stuffing numbers across the board.

While I was confidently sitting on my chair just watching my classmates go berserk on dribbling equations of their own since I already had my turn to have a recitation point, my female classmate named Miyeon invited me for a chat with her because mainly she’s bored.

We did chatter for any laughable random topics for like 10 minutes until I heard her enter a question that had me locked in on my seat.

“Say, YN. I noticed that you had shared so many sad posts about romance these days on Facebook. Are you heartbroken?” She asked me.

“Uhh… that? W-well, I just like those kind of posts. Nothing much.” I smiled fakely at her.

“You sure?” She stared at me. I just nodded and awkwardly removed my gaze at her as I act like I was trying to keep myself busy on my notes.

“You have a crush on someone, don’t you?”

I slowly turned around and my stupid self chose to rose my brows making myself shocked rather than meeting itself and show some confusion. Now I’m busted.

“H-how can you say so?”

“Wouldn’t most of the people around social media does that whenever they admire somebody and they just left to be… unwanted back?” She shared. “I’ve been through that, that’s why I know.”

I remained silent as I sighed. I glanced at Jihyo again, she was being recorded now by one of our close friends in the room as she explains the solution she wrote on the board. That’s what our professor instructed us to do so that he can acknowledge our points, is to sent him our video that we’re tackling about the equation we answered.

“There is, huh.” She confirmed. I was being too obvious already so with defeat, I just let her expose me more. “She’s in our class isn’t it?”

My eyes widened. My body trembled as she already made another guess but a more accurate one this time. Miyeon seems to be an observative type of person, and more untrained and horrible attempts of pretending that I contradict her guesses would just make me look dumber in front of her.

I sighed and chuckled at myself from getting caught. “Yeah. She is.”

“Woah!” She exclaimed. “So YN here also has a crush of his/her own here huh!” She teased me as she referred to me being another addition to those established “couples” in our room. Most of them were now officially together and others, well I don’t know but mostly I’ve learned these days that they already confessed and sadly, they were rejected but still remains to be a tough lover for them.

“Who’s your crush then?” I shushed her with my gesture, as there’s our classmates still sitting in front of us and they might hear us. I don’t want tk get humiliated more just by being put into a hot seat getting confronted who’s the girl i’m into these days.

“D-do you want me to give you a clue?” I asked, I wanted to play a game with her first she already caught me easily, now I want to test her this time.

“Oh sure, what is it?”

“Okay, hmm….” I hummed but I didn’t think that much because i already knew what I would give to her. “She’s a person.”

“Luh.” She reacted and whined. “Cmon, be serious!”

I just laughed at her befuddled response and think again, with all seriousness this time. “Okay, fine. She’s a social butterfly.”

“Ooohhh social butterfly…” Miyeon started to think. “There’s so many classmates of ours that are giddy to get close with others. Is it Jiyeon?”

“Nope. 19 left.” I said, crossing out one from the list of number of girls in our room.

“Aaaahhhh!” She screamed but jokingly, already panicking at just one guess. “Whooo?”

“Try more!”

“Aish, is it Julie?”

“Nope.”

“Ehhh?” She scratched her nape. “Next clue!”

“Okay fine, I’ll give you just three okay?” She nodded and readjusted her posture on her seat, she seemed very invested on knowing who my crush is. “The second one is… she’s smart.”

“Smart…” she began thinking again. “But most of us here are very good at anything.”

I smirked, feeling satisfied that I gave a mysterious clue for her more. “Is it Mina?”

“Nah.” I shook my head, but I admit in my thoughts that i almost fell for Mina once like back when we were freshman.

“Danielle?!” Miyeon’s eyes brightened as she thought she finally achieved the right answer. I shook my head and gave her an apologetic look, which shuts off the spark in her eyes instantly.

Miyeon pouted and lets out an even struggling look at me. “I’m starting to run out of ideas!”

“Miyeon you’ve only told me like… 5 of our classmates so far.”

“Fire the last clue!”

“Okay. The last one is that… you probably won’t expect her to be my crush.”

Her eyebrows lifted and hummed fascinatingly at me. “That just made things interesting. Won’t expect to be your crush? So it means it’s not actually your type but you just seem to get a liking on that person?”

“Hmm maybe?”

“Wait…” she paused that lasted a little bit longer than just few seconds. Her head raised and I wondered why her eyes softened as she slowly looked at me and pushed her head closer.

“What? You got the answer now?”

“YN… is it me?” Miyeon asked. She was staring at me with pure seriousness and jaw hanging slightly in surprise. I gasped as I was shocked at her answer. I know that she’s one of the girls around who is also pretty but still I didn’t expect that it really came out of her mouth, that she also considered herself too.

“N-no! It’s not you and Miyeon, you already have a boyfriend.”

“Yeah.” She agreed, understandably took my reason well. “But… it’s just a crush though, so…”

“Still no. I don’t fall in love to women who are already taken. I respect relationships and I don’t want to create conflicts for other people. Although, I admit that you’re beautiful.” I smiled at her. She returned the same and pushed my shoulder. “Wow, just like that huh?”

“I don’t know, you sound like you were urging me to say something nice to you atleast.”

“I wasn’t! B-but that doesn’t mean I won’t take your compliment at me.” She giggled. “Anyways, I pass. Cmon tell me who it is!”

I exhaled. To be fair, I wasn’t really up for sharing this with anybody. It’s not that I don’t want anybody to know because I don’t trust them, but I’m doing this rather to avoid the possibility that she may learn more about what I really feel for her from other people. I just want to be a complete secret admirer of her.

However, since I was already cornered by Miyeon, it seems like my plans have to undergo some changes. I feel a bit of pity for this girl because she has shared some of her stories with me, and I listened and kept them all to myself, just like she wanted to. Thatimplies that she views me as someone she can trust.

That’s why I felt obligated that I had to treat her in the same manner. I mean, Miyeon is one of the girls in our class that I find really pure and mature and who knows how to blend well when having fun with other people.

“Fine. You know I never really intended to tell this to others because for some reasons, I don’t want anybody to tease me, accidentally become obvious, or make others bother with what I’m facing at right now… but I do trust you Miyeon, you know that. And please let’s keep it to ourselves okay?”

“Oh don’t worry about me.” Miyeon then bounced on her seat with a large grin. “I’m so excited to know!”

“W-well… the girl that I’m-”

“What are you two up to?” My other classmate interrupted our conversation, looking at us as she twirled her body on the chair to go back and forth at us. I was surprised that we’re like able to be caught despite our distances being one vacant row from each other. Our voices aren’t even that loud.

Miyeon and I exchanged glances and she was controlling her laughter as she saw me looking nervous. “W-we’re just playing a game! He’s trying to make me identify who is-”

“Aahhhh wait, I think I know what you two are talking about.” Her eyes then shrinked and it went towards me who is blushing. She smirked and find my current state hilarious. “I’ve been seeing something about this one eh. I think I know who may that be.”

Both Miyeon and I were eager to know, especially me who is heavily related to the one she was talking about. About our conversation with Miyeon, she finally learn who that is and she was amused to know that she agrees at the clues I gave to her. She really didn’t expected that I’ll be admiring somebody like Jihyo and commented that it wasn’t visible to me all these time. She couldn’t blame me though for having a crush with Jihyo, as she revealed that she’s bisexual and she once had a crush on her too before she met her boyfriend.

Meanwhile, about our other classmate who is holding a thought that shares my secret. I wanted to know about it. Thankfully, both of us were walking home together since Nako which is her name, lives almost close to our neighborhood.

We were riding on a bus and we talked about what she said earlier. I had no choice but to reveal to her since I already did it to Miyeon and it’s going to be unfair if I don’t do it for her too. She might feel offended that I rather not to disclose it to her.

She learned and she laughed so hard that she was actually right which had me speechless. She found it interesting too just like Miyeon that I got to be in love with someone like Jihyo. Me on the other hand, has a huge “How?” question displayed on my head.

She only replied that it’s her guts that is telling her and even her didn’t expected that she would got it correct. What she said though did had me find it difficult to maintain my smile. “But really, for me I don’t see Jihyo being attracted to a guy/girl. It’s more possible that she’s rather into girls because of her looks, but she did told me one time what does she think of her gender and she only told me that it’s complicated. Will it still going to be okay for you knowing that your rivals when it comes to her were all female/male?”

She shared to me her observation and I got it immediately what her basis for that. I suddenly had Jihyo on my mind along with her tomboy look that can make girls crazy and gay for her. “I don’t know, I don’t mind it that much. They can all admire her for whatever they want. What matters to me more is Jihyo. Only her.” I just said nonchalantly to her, which she find a bit suspicious why I care less about it.

Whether by coincidence or not, more and more days have passed, and my other classmates that I’m close with are all girls. Have I mentioned that I’m comfortable and easy to befriend with girls rather than guys? I never had a sister in my life; that’s why I view them as my sister-like figures, but still, I know how to set my boundaries with them due to society’s common stereotype of seeing two opposite genders together.

They all also began to know my adoration for Jihyo, and they are either secretive or teaseful about it, and I find myself on the brink of danger whenever they do that on occasions that me and Jihyo would have an interaction together. Some examples I can give are when I, along with Nako and her, were discussing our anticipation of attending the concert of our favorite K-pop group this coming week.

I was expressing my loneliness to them rather because I wasn’t entirely sure if my parents would allow me to attend such a huge event like that and for me also to travel to a place that is very far away from our city. I was about to give up my hopes until a certain person simply boosted my faith again and not wanting to let me go that easily.

“You should go to that concert, YN! It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity, you should not waste it!”

Jihyo spoke to me and she gave me that hopefulness and positivity. She knew I might need it for her and if that so then she’s damn right. I couldn’t ask for anything more than to hear a support and concern than from her.

And later that night, I tried to ask my parents about it, and shockingly, they allowed me to, as long as I had someone with me. Nako joined me, while Jihyo went with her sister. I got a little excited, thinking I was going to be with her too, but that’s just fine. At least, I still got some heart-bursting interaction with her on social media when we both exchanged heart reactions on our posts about our experience at the concert.

Another time I could give that one of the best things I would want to just happen forever in my life was when I got unexpectedly sick in the school, and what’s even more suck about the timing is that we were rehearsing for our roleplay performance in just 3 days.

Our director set me aside for now and gave me a time to recover but ofcourse the worry of me not being able to make it to the deadline struck a fear on him. I just lay down on one of the benches with all of my classmate’s bags around me. I tried to sleep but the pain in my head just won’t let me go in peace.

I was about to go to the clinic with no other option in mind because I didn’t actually want to go there because, um, yeah, call me a scaredy cat, but I’ve heard many times from some of the students, including my classmates, that our school nurse is a terror. She’s so strict that there’s no doubt that once she finds me, my temperature will be high. Since the pandemic happened, these medical professionals have been very careful for the past few years.

One positive detection and surely I’m gone for today. I just sighed defeatedly because I wanted to practice today and to see her ofcourse. I sat up and gave myself time to prepare myself as I might feel dizzy standing up, but then I heard some footsteps and felt arms wrapped around me.

“J-jihyo?” I exclaimed weakly. She must’ve felt my body trembled in shock as I found her beside me. She just looked at me and tightlipped.

“You’re going to the clinic now?”

“Yeah. I have to.”

“You can’t do it by yourself. Look how weak you look. Cmon, I’ll join you on your way there.”

“Y-you sure? B-but they might look for you and-

“I just finished rehearsing my part. My next one is three acts after, so they wouldn’t mind.” Jihyo said. “But it’s up to you, can you do it by yourself?”

“Actually, I really didn’t want to go home yet.” I said with sincerity of sadness on my voice.

“I know, but you have to.” Jihyo said to me. “Let’s go.”

We started walking, and I gave one last look at my classmates. I caught Miyeon, who saw me with Jihyo smiling at us, and I knew what that meant. We went together to the clinic, and I feel embarrassed that I had to make a girl wait for me outside, even though she didn’t mind me that much. The nurse wasn’t even that scary; she was rather strict, but in the sense that she’s doing it because she cares for the students’ health.

She found my fever weird because… hmm how can I say this, well it’s like my temperature risen due to hunger, dehydration and possibly some changes of temperature also to the places I’ve been at since she discovered that I don’t actually feel dizzy or aching on my head.

That’s why due to my determination to remain here, she dared me to atleast decrease my temperature by having a meal and lots of water on the canteen or else she’ll have to excuse me to my instructor.

I went out of the clinic, accepting the challenge and Jihyo was just there sitting and using her cellphone. She felt my presence reappeared and she greeted me. “How’s there?”

I repeated what the nurse told me. “Come on, let’s eat at the canteen first if that so.”

“Yeah.”

“My treat.”

“Wait, what?”

We stopped walking. “Why? What’s the problem?”

“N-nothing, I just… didn’t expect it.”

“Just don’t do anything for now. Since I accompanied you, let me just be like that today before we get back there.”

In my surprise, Jihyo wrapped her arm around my shoulders, giving me that bro-cuddle. I felt super shy and almost going to melt because of the skinship she’s doing to me. It’s ironic how her touch can beat the warm temperature running across my body.

She was the one who bought our food and drinks together and she returned to our place with it. We just took our meal quietly then short talks about our interests again, but it was still enough for me. I give some sneak glances at Jihyo on my side, observing her sipping that iced coffee while she busily scrolls down on her phone.

My body suddenly felt lighter and numb, I think my sickness didn’t even exist to worry myself as I was just busy admiring her all over again. Not gonna lie, this just had me spawning another idea to imagine being with her more. A date with her is something I’d definitely would love to have someday with her.

But again, I knew I have no chance.

The deadline came and we were going back to the clinic, but just then Jihyo offered me something. It’s a medicine on the palm of her hand.

“Take this, it’ll help more.”

“Jihyo, you might need it once you-”

“But I don’t have one and you are, that’s why you need it more than me.” Jihyo rejected. “Just take it.”

I didn’t object anymore and took it at ease from her. “Thanks, Jihyo.”

“No prob, now get in there and hopefully you’re fine now. I mean, you’re kinda sweating now too so yeah maybe you really needed some rest.” She said as she poked at my arm.

I nodded and I entered with confidence, I know that Jihyo helped me a lot today. Fortunately, we were right. My temperature returned to normal still very close on reaching that low fever. I exit and immediately thanked Jihyo again which she returned with her gummy smile that I always loved seeing from her.

It was our classmates’ break too from the rehearsal and they saw us together rejoining them. As usual, Nako and Miyeon were the ones leading the group of people who knows my crush for Jihyo and they teased me about it.

And speaking of group of people who knows about my love secret, a new one has been added. It happened through our chat in Instagram when somebody replied in my story featuring a movie quote about loving someone but being aware of the consequences which makes you rather think twice on pushing yourself to chase for her feelings.

That person is the guy Jihyo is mostly close with in our classroom. They are both smart, but this one is smarter and they get along easily because they share the same humor. He replied to me saying “Who is that girl huh?”

I didn’t tell him yet. We went for some few talks until I recalled our time on the mall earlier with our other classmates. “Hey, I hope you don’t mind joining your circle like earlier. Maybe you guys might find having me uncomfortable, I just wanted to keep my closeness with you guys as my classmates.”

“We’re cool, YN. Actually I like it even more that you’re trying.” He said. “However, I do seem it doesn’t apply for somebody.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think out of everyone we were with at the mall earlier, I didn’t even saw you like interact or go near at Jihyo.” He said. I almost dropped my phone in disbelief. He did noticed me being shy around Jihyo. Sensing that he’ll end up as one of them who is about to find out soon, I didn’t wait for it anymore and after some few hesitation, I made up my mind to do what I have to do. “Did you two had a fight or something?”

“Ahh, that?” I said. “Well actually there’s another reason why you guys might find me sticking along to your circle more.”

He reacted a wow emoji on my message. My heartbeat racing as I typed the letters of her name on the keyboard. After i sent it, I waited for his reaction and what had me was his long laughter.

“Ahhhh so that’s why!” I can hear his annoying laugh behind the phone. My head just bent in shame and laughed poorly at my idiotic self. I don’t know if revealing my crush for Jihyo is even a good or a bad idea to do it with this guy.

“So yeah, I said it to you now. And I did it because I trust you so please, don’t let her know. She doesn’t need to.” I pleaded to him.

“Faggot, don’t.” He then continued with another laughter. Now I just want to rub my face on the table. “Good luck tomorrow, I’m going to tease you a lot from now on.”

I knew it would happen. I gulped nervously and chuckled again imagining what would I expect starting tomorrow if things will go in a chaotic change for me now that people are starting to recognize me because of being an admirer to our fellow classmate.

I prepared myself before going to the campus. As I arrived there, Sehun, which is his name, immediately laughed at me as I approach them who are waiting for our professor to arrive since the classroom is still locked. I just laughed back and whined at him to stop doing it frequently or else Jihyo might find it suspicious and it may attract her attention.

Thankfully, he did listened. He was just like doing it in a manner that he tries his best to insert a joke referring to me but Jihyo and the rest won’t notice. Before we went home as our classes for today ended, he gave me a short advice that began to repeat for the few days to come or whenever we get to talk together.

“Make a move already.” He said. “Do it. She’s easy to get along with. Don’t be nervous.”

I know to myself that I’m trying, but I’m not doing that to impress myself. I stand at my reason still why I don’t have any plans to make an action on how to make her mine. He did say it with the same idea I was thinking for the past few months since I started to develop an attraction to Jihyo, so I just listened to him while keeping my feelings behind me.

But again, being the dorky admirer that I am, I find it difficult to do whenever my feet would bring me closer to me or when I’m standing next to her. I couldn’t acknowledge her presence in ease. It was stressful, and it raises my belief that I am indeed a hopeless romantic.

It continued for few months that my classmates would also ran out of energy to disturb me with their playful gestures on leading me to Jihyo. They slowly didn’t cared at all and it was kind of relieving at least that’s going back to normal now that I can just move around without anybody noticing me. That didn’t last long though when I was walking home with my classmates and two of my other female classmates named Jeewon and Karina asked me randomly when Jihyo got mentioned in our topic.

“You still have feelings for her?” Jeewon asked me.

“Yeah.” I admitted.

“How long do you have a crush on her?”

I remembered the date today and that exact date when I proclaimed myself that I am indeed catching feelings for Jihyo. “Almost a year now.”

Both of them woah-ed. Karina took the turn to ask me. “Why aren’t you doing anything yet? You’re almost reaching a year, that’s long enough already.”

I sighed and slumped my shoulders. “It doesn’t matter. I believe its better if she must not know. I don’t want her to end up with me anyway.” I said weakly as my mind replayed that time when I talked with my other classmate named Lia who lives at the direction where my home leads at, stating that she learned that Jihyo doesn’t have any interest on this love thingie and she prioritize her studies first. She didn’t deny the part though that she already had an experience of being in love with somebody. Based on her report, they almost became a couple back when they were in senior high school but sadly, it didn’t happened for unknown reason.

Jeewon and Karina aww-ed in pity for me being a fallen soldier who still remains loyal fo a girl who will never be aware of my feelings and be mine. They just expressed their opinion that a year or more might just be wasted and more painful to see somebody I’m loyal with get to be rather with someone else. That’s why they still wanted to push me to try atleast.

I just kept it in mind but I haven’t considered it yet. I did have another reason with me that i didn’t shared to them which added to my reasons why I should remain on the shadows. I recalled from my chat with Lia that she has speculations to her ex-boyfriend, which is Sehun that he is interested with Jihyo too.

She even enumerated to me her evidences she observed which became a reminiscence to the things Sehun once did for her when he was courting her.

“First, you see how he always places himself next to Jihyo. Second, he was frequently escorting her with his motorcycle, to take her home or go to somewhere else. He did that to me once, and that’s when he found out where I live in and now for sure he knows where Jihyo’s home too. Lastly, he can just easily get access on her things without a permission. He even carries her bag for himself!

Don’t you think those were still nothing for him? I’m telling you, he’s chasing for Jihyo’s feelings just like how he did to me and what makes me afraid is that he might also waste her heart just like how I ended up into. He’s a player!” She said with all frustrations and I calmed her down. It threw me back to my conversations with Sehun and that advice he gave me which he always say in repeat that I should “Make a move already”.

At first it was just a simple encouragement to me but now after hearing what Lia said, I felt like it was rather a challenge sent to me. That I should do something now or else he’ll be the one who’s gonna win in the end.

Well, for my response? I don’t even care. Let him have her if he wants. If there’s some sort a miracle that it happens, I swear to God that I hope he won’t hurt Jihyo or else,I may reconsider and I’ll be there in no time.

Speaking or miracle, the reason I said it like that is because Lia and I share the same idea: “Pfft he wouldn’t have a chance with her.” Lia said in a mocking tone. “Jihyo doesn’t want to get involved with such guys like him. He may be great at words but internally? He’s immature, way apart to Jihyo.”

“Hmmm so that’s why I’m getting a weird feeling whenever I see them together” I revealed that I actually do get jealous whenever I see them close. At the bench where they review together with their circle, At the canteen where they eat and laugh together. And… yeah when he instructed Jihyo to hug him when they were riding on his motorcycle.

I just tried to hide my face contorting as my heart swells in pain seeing them like that. I was gaslighting myself that maybe it was nothing and they’re close friends that’s why. Jihyo met Sehun early when we became freshman that’s why them being close isn’t surprising anymore.

Until Lia came to dispose those lies I’ve been saying to myself. “See! Even you can see it from them. Trust me, YN. Sehun is making a move on Jihyo. I was his ex, I know him better when he acts for love.”

A month later, those all allegations and rumors we have for Sehun along with my other friend and former classmate who shifted to another course named Arin who also told me that she caught Sehun with another girl eating together and drive away on his motorcycle near at their neighorhood. Arin was living near to Sehun’s house that’s why. Arin even added that when her eyes met against Sehun’s it looked like he caught in the act and just quickly greeted at her back before they left.

Unfortunately, Arin didn’t recognize the girl but she did told me that she was wearing a uniform that is not from our campus, planting a seed that the girl is from another campus that he is also close with.

Going back to what I was saying, those all rumors were ended and disposed away when one day, me and Sehun are sitting next to each other at our subject about Psychology since our surnames’ initials are right next to each other, with mine before his.

While we wait for our instructor, he pulls out his phone and typed something before he poked me and made me look at it. I looked at the message he sent, I read it and it says:

“You’re in danger, YN.”

I furrowed my brows at him. “Danger? For what?”

He chuckled and shook his head. “Boss is starting to speculate you.”

My eyes widened and my chest felt heavy immediately. His laugh got a bit louder but he stopped and typed again on his phone.

“Seriously? I-I mean, I’m not shocked since I knew it’s gonna happen. Secrets are meant to be unveiled-” I was just spitting nonsense now at this point, while I am heavily confused that she finally does began to notice me.

He presented his phone again. This time it says:

“Make a move already. Sungbin is almost at the end.” My brows deepened. Who the hell is Sungbin? I then asked it to him along with the question how did Jihyo suspected me, but instead he just said he will say about it more later.

That son of a bitch though left me hanging and getting eaten alive with all my curiosities for an entire day until I had enough waiting and I chatted him repeatedly about it while clearing up any misunderstandings that I’m not even expecting a lot or whatever. He finally responded and this is what he replied to me.

“Yup she shared it to me like, out of nowhere- she just asked. This is not what happened specifically, huh. This is just too long to read.

For her sake and yours. I don’t want to become your “middle man” even though you both are very distant to each other, got it?

After she approached me, she asked who do you like then ofcourse since you said before that you don’t want me to say it plus it’s not really my business so I just didn’t answered her.

But it looks like she didn’t really wanted to ask it then, I guess she got tired of waiting (just like you right now.) She then asked me directly if “Am I the one that YN likes?” and there, still with respect for you… I didn’t answered her. Not my story to tell.

But overall, just chill. No need to approach her about it anyway. Plus I don’t want to get involved if ever like “Sehun was the one who said it to you, doesn’t he?” Pass. I don’t want to get in trouble. There, make your move or don’t. It’s up to you. She's not thinking about it like actively, don’t worry. Maybe it just crossed her mind that time. So yeah, that’s your too long to read. Ciao.”

I thanked him and felt touched that he really did listen after all this time, and he became a man of his word for it. It’s still unknown though if he also harbored a crush on Jihyo, but during that time I did kind of notice that he wasn’t getting that much into contact with her that I might find jealous of. Maybe he gave up shortly and is now focusing on somebody else.

I learned afterwards that this is not the time that Jihyo starts to investigate her possible secret admirer, aka me. I confirmed from some of my classmates that Jihyo also asked them about it, and they also lied about it. I also feel like Jihyo is now also hiding a secret from me, as I found her following me whenever I take a spot somewhere else around the campus, yet still minus the talking.

I got nervous at the idea that maybe she’s testing or examining my antics if she can consider it that yeah I am getting shy around her because she’s my crush afterall. Realizing that she must have known now, I’m stuck if i really have to do it as there’s no more sense anymore if I have to continue being like this way.

I then hold on for few days until the time has come. I don’t know if this is such a huge coincidence or my classmates are pulling a prank on me. I did contacted them to confirm the location of our group study and the time which I quickly prepped up to head there.

But as I arrived there, I found Jihyo who is sitting alone and using her cellphone. It’s early in the morning and there’s not much students scattered around. It’s very quiet and peaceful but deep inside of me I feel like my emotions are going into war not knowing what I should do.

There’s no way out for me as I cannot leave anymore and Jihyo immediately saw me after she looked away at her phone. I had no choice but to come near at her while I try my best to compose myself. “Good morning.” She greeted me and I did the same.

“They’re still not here? I thought I’m already late that’s why I quickly went here.” I said, acting nonchalant and a bit confused.

“Same too. But since we’re here, let’s just wait for them.” I nodded and I instantly grabbed my things and took them out. From my peripheral vision, my senses are telling me that Jihyo is still observing me.

I don’t want to be weird so I silently plead that she stop, but as longer as we continue to be like this, I then realized that it was actually Jihyo who is becoming awkward between us. My patience couldn’t hold anymore as I see her blank face, I closed my notes and sighed heavily before I spoke the words I’ve never wanted to say.

“This is exactly what I’m talking about.” I said. Jihyo didn’t moved and stared at me, wondering what I’m talking about, so I proceeded with my words. “Making you uncomfortable and unhappy being around me, and it scares me. That’s what I’m being so hesitant for.”

I lowered my head, avoiding her gaze at me. What she said after made me lift up and put my attention to her as this is now something both she and I must discuss sincerely.

“So it’s me.” She finally comprehended what I’m trying the say.

“Always has been, Jihyo.” I confirmed, officially marking my confession to her and shattering my more than a year-length of being her secret admirer.

“And I just want to tell you right ahead that i’m very sorry.” I continued my heartfelt speech, wanting to make every thing clear for Jihyo. “We both know we ain’t that close or I don’t know, even be called as friends to have a normal conversation like this, and it’s my fault. It’s because of this deep infatuation- no screw that, I know for myself that this is indeed love I’ve been having on you that makes me act very awkward around you and trust me, I’m trying very very hard but I just cannot help it.”

“I do notice that I’m like the only one that you don’t get to interact with in the class.” Jihyo said. “Hearing that from you more, it did kind of hurt a litlle bit, you know. Seeing our classmates happy and comfortable talking with you, but I can’t have it the same as them. It did made me worried if I even did something bad to you. W-why does it have to be different when it comes to me?”

I frowned and took all of her rants with guilt. “I thought it was like that, but now I would just found out that’s all because you just… love me that much that you had to act like I’m non-existent?”

“I’m really sorry, Jihyo.” I muttered. “I have my reasons but it’s too many to say.”

“Then atleast enlighten me why do you have to set yourself away?”

“My fears and insecurities are not allowing me to, Jihyo.” My breathing is starting to get heavy as I sense the rising intensity of our confrontation. Jihyo was staring at me, puzzled. “It’s hard to escape. I’m scared that if you once knew, you will just ignore me because of it. That’s why I think not being close with you is much better because atleast I… I have nothing to lose more from you.”

Jihyo gulped and her expression turned into concern. She was about to move towards me but she hold on as I soon followed up what did she got taken aback from. My eyes swelled and a thin cold path started to drew from my cheek, and that’s when I touched it, a teardrop had escaped to present how much I’m struggling with this feeling.

“W-why are you doing this to yourself? Why do you need to hurt yourself more because of me?” Jihyo adjusted herself closer to me. Our eyes still ain’t leaving our staredown at each other. It deeply feels like i’m under interrogation right now that I have to defend and tell my side with all honesty.

“It’s just a feeling that I have.” I shrugged. “That i’m not the example of an ideal guy you would like to be with. I’ll just ruin whoever you are and we’ll end up being torn. Now you know why I didn’t want to confess to you because I’m not desperate for you to answer me back and tell me that you love me too. Maybe it’s better if you don’t.”

I was about to wipe my tears with my spare cloth but I was prevented by Jihyo herself who touched my hand and grabbed the cloth instead. Astounded, she damped it around my face and wiped my tears away.

“YN, please you don’t have to be harsh at yourself.” Jihyo sharpened her voice. I shook my head and tried to remove her hand.

“Don’t worry, it’ll end soon, when the time comes that my heart decides to stop.”

“AND IF I TELL YOU NOT TO?!” Jihyo suddenly yelled in front of me, slamming her fist at my shoulder. My eyes widened at her outburst. I went speechless, oblivious at the fact that I’ve been pushing her buttons further the more she hears me blabbering poisonous words at myself.

Her question rather, sounded suspicious. She returned her glare at me and she reached for my hand laying on my lap.

“I’ve had enough of hearing you hate yourself this much, you may not be fit on some of the qualities I want to the type of person I dream to be together with but I didn’t find everything about you horrible!” Jihyo complained. “And I am willing to get to know more about your capabilities, my standards weren’t even that high to be reach. I feel like it’s not right for me to be like that. If you hate yourself, then what about me? I don’t even think that anybody would fall for me who doesn’t even act accordingly to the gender norms this society has dictated upon.”

“Then I’m not one of them.” I said with confidence. “Initially, I never wanted to be in love again. But then I saw you and more time has passed, I couldn’t determine at first what my heart find you qualified to make me fall for you.

One year ago, I began as your secret admirer observing you from a far, and that’s where I started picking it all up. Many will find you rather handsome or a less attractive because of your boyish cut, tough posture, and antics that doesn’t suit you. But to me, I see different.

You’re uniquely beautiful and cute on your own that I couldn’t stand not to glance at your face for a second. I see this smart and mature woman that you would respect and willing to listen to every words she says attentively. God, you don’t how many times I imagine having you near me all the time just doing every ideas I could think to make you know how I’m deeply in love with everything about you. Just to make you feel special.

Jihyo, I love you because of how your authenticity shines through.”

After I enumerated all the signs that I find captivating from Jihyo and from how she shifted her gloomy mood into an uplifted state, smiling at the compliments I showered over her. She bit her lip and sighed as she looked away, thinking of something else for a while.

Jihyo then brought back her gaze and roamed it all around the sight of myself in front of her. “I really appreciated it a lot, YN. It did sounded sincere.” She nodded in which I mirrorred her. “We really can be friends, but this silly crush is pulling both you and I from each other.”

“S-so, you don’t-”

“No, wait it’s not like that!” Jihyo stopped me as she probably noticed that I misintepreted her. “I mean… you’re a cool guy and can you please stop ignoring me anymore? I-It really hurts when you only do that to me among the rest.” She begged with her softened dismayed tone as she pouted at me. I couldn’t care less anymore if I look like a tomato at how red my cheeks or face would appear from her cuteness.

“I won’t, I promise.” I assured her.

She sighed in relief. “Finally.”

Both sides became silent for a second before Jihyo proceeded again. “About your confession, I won’t reject you for now, YN.”

My hopes and dreams reignited and altered again with that single sentence that she said. I gasped and became overwhelmed at her response that I always thought after all these time that she would just nevermind and won’t take it seriously. “Please understand that my focus for now are on our studies, and you should be as well. I would also like to advice you to take care of yourself and use all of these time I will give for you to improve yourself and rebuild your self-esteem. I don’t want to see you being like this anymore, okay?”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” I nodded at her as I listened attentively to her favor.

“Can you wait for me? I mean… if you can’t, w-well… if your heart gets tired of me, y-you can find someone new-”

“And what if I won’t?”

Jihyo considered my interruption and added a new suggestion. “Then how about I’ll wait for you to come back and you must do the same for me?”

“Deal.” We shook hands to seal it. As we slowed down the pace, I let out my gratitude for her. “Thank you for hearing my confession to you, Jihyo. You don’t know how light I feel now after I finally lift off this huge baggage I’m carrying inside of me for spending the entirety of the year admiring you which I thought that would be impossible.”

Jihyo slapped my arm and grinned. “Tss, it’s nothing. I want to also say thank you for speaking up to me about what you really feel for me and I appreciate it a lot, YN. All you had to do is to open up. Sometimes you just have to face your fears.”

We both smiled at each other and then burst out laughing afterwards to avoid getting ourselves trapped again in awkwardness. “There they are on the gate, we should start reviewing now.”

Jihyo began pulling out her things out of her bag and we opened our notes and papers. At this moment, we officially had a mutual understanding to remain being friends for now while we wait for the future to bring what we will end up to be.

3 YEARS LATER

Me and Jihyo were still friends until our last year level… while we couldn’t deny that the signs are still there in present. Today is our graduation day and we both received our certificates, declaring our successfully conclusion of almost becoming an engineer one step away.

As everyone were finally got called on the stage, awarded, and delivered their speeches, we were all commanded to throw our hats to the air and celebrate for ourselves of reaching this far for the best of our careers.

I went to my family and welcomed their greetings to me. I couldn’t help but to be emotional seeing them enveloping me into their embrace. I owe it all to their hardwork and dedication. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be here where they want me to be, and now me as well too. I’ll bring them with me as my start to build my life to its improvement.

After having my moment with them, now I went to search after to the only person that matters more to me than everybody else out there. I reached the center of the auditorium, it was empty, and my feet decelerated as I finally saw who I am looking for.

Jihyo was there, now in her new bobbed haircut, looking even more fantastic in her graduation gown. She was holding her award as mine and we faced each other from the distance in the middle of such crowded place. She smiled at me and I did the same for her.

I started walking to approach her and so did she. We stood face to face and we exchanged chuckles at one another.

“We did it.”

“Yeah. Can’t believe it as well.”

We stared at each other. I saw her smile slowly shrink from being proud to affectionate.

“YN… d-did you wait for me?”

“I… I did.” I nodded and smiled, although it’s hard as I knew what we’re about to discuss about.

“I’m sorry.” Jihyo said me and she couldn’t help but to cry for me. “I’m sorry if I couldn’t do the same.” I heaved out a long sigh as I try to mask my devastation.

“But you helped me in other way possible.” I comforted her, not wanting to see her drag herself down just because she failed to last long in the deal we made years ago. “You changed me for the better, Jihyo. Even though that I do admit that my heart is… shattered into pieces right now but that’s what doesn’t matter here.”

“I also give credit on you for what I am now today. I became the best version of myself just like you wanted me to be.” I smiled at him, despite my lips twitching in bittersweet. “I would’ve like it much to apply it on showing how I love you so much, that after all these years I remained loyal for you, I never gave up, Jihyo. I thought we’re gonna be something more in the end but… I was right all along.”

“The likes of us weren’t meant to be together. I have finally accepted that.” I nodded which urged my tears to fall more. “Despite in the way from our darkest days when you often refuse to run away just for the love you tried to save, that’s how it is. Some things cannot be saved when its destined to die.”

I looked at Jihyo and I swayed some of the hair blocking her mesmerizing beauty even with the ruined mascaras and smeared eyeliner.

“You probably even came to see me and hear me say I did too.” She said while she hiccuped on her sobs.

“No, I just came up to meet you to tell you how lovely you are today and…” I paused as I reached for the medal that is hanging around my neck. “W-will you please tell me this too for the last time? Have I made you proud too as well?” I asked her as I remember all of the times she makes me proud seeing her achieving all of those accomplishments she’s receiving because of her academic performance. That’s what motivated me to do better on my studies so that someday, I can make her be proud of me too.

“I know for sure I cheered the loudest I can get when I watch you grab that award, YN.” She nodded and smiled at me while sniffing her tears.

I feel contented at her answer. She immediately pulled me closer to her, my first and the warmest hug I ever shared with her. She cried aloud on my shoulder and I just hummed ay her as I try to comfort her as much as I can.

“Forgive me, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, YN. I wish I didn’t loved you for me to hurt you this badly.”

“I can’t hate you, Jihyo. You just discovered where your heart truly settles.” I said to her. “Don’t blame yourself now, please let’s just be happy for ourselves. Can you do it for me?”

“Y-yes…” I felt her head move around my hold. I knew she can hear my heart still beating loud for her. How I wish she still the same, but when I looked into her eyes, she’s not even there anymore.

I smiled at her, not minding what’s going on around us. I focused on Jihyo only, she’s the most important of them all as usual. It’s no denying that I gave her all I had and for sure I’m willing to repeat it.

“So this is what it feels like.” I lastly said before I broke the hug between us and exchanged congratulations for our success. I watched her return back to her place, to where she belongs. She reunited with her new boyfriend while I left as I finally lose control of my emotions. I cried out loud, defeated and disoriented.

I can’t believe that its over for the both of us.

[creedslove]

BETRAYED - PART FIVE

Pedro Pascal x f!reader

Summary: Pedro invites you to be his plus one for the night but his attention is caught by another woman and leaves you with a broken heart

Warnings: angst, age gap, established friendship, unrequited love/one sided feelings, fluff, glimpse of Pedro being a great (silly) dad, and more angst of course

A/N: I really don't know what you guys will think of this part. It is longer than the others and for those who don't want Pedro to be forgiven, you can consider this the ideal end, though this is NOT the last chapter. I still have some ideas for this story but their development will go according to what you guys want, especially because due to all the feedback I've received over the last week (yes today marks one week I posted the first chapter) things are pretty divided between who wants a happy ending and who wants a sad one, lol!

A/N Part 2: I still can't manually tag people on the works because I use the app and it won't let me do it, that's why I don't have a tag list at all!

3.2k words

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE | PART FOUR

Your heart clenched the moment you heard Kate's words. Pedro was there. After months pretending not to know each other, after not seeing him nor listening to his voice, months after the horrible argument you two had, where you both said horrible things to each other, words that hurt you two deeply, but also needed to be said. So you two could break free from what was holding you back. You and your mindless passion for Pedro, and him and his incapability of letting you go.

You realized you went silent for several seconds and Kate was staring at you with a worried look on her face, so you gave her a nervous smile and nodded "there's no problem, really. We are not making a scene or anything, I mean, we didn't have that much of a fight, it wasn't that serious"

"Yes, it was, Y/N" Kate said in a low voice "you completely fell out with each other, you have never been apart from long and honestly, he seems the saddest I've ever seen, and you don't seem like you're in a picnic either" she placed her hand on your shoulder reassuringly and looked down, excusing herself as she needed to attend the other guests.

You didn't like to be read like that, yes, you missed Pedro, in many ways you were still broken hearted at everything that went on, it's very hard to just let go of a person you were so invested in for years. It leaves an empty spot in your chest, even when you get over whatever happened, your mind always comes back to a bunch of might-have-beens. And though you and Pedro hadn't been away for that long, that's exactly how it felt. You walked out the kitchen and realized you were getting anxious to see him. He was there, it was a stated fact. It wasn't like when you went to the gym and very often looked over your shoulders, in hopes he wouldn't show up at the same time you kind of hoped he would show up. Internally battling with the relief of not running into him and also the disappointment of not seeing him. Once again, you had to remind yourself to act rationally, you didn't want to be shaken to the core when you saw him, and you definitely wouldn't make a scene at a princess' party.

When you reached the living room, he was the first one you spotted and for a few seconds he was the only thing you could see. There he was, Pedro, your dulce Pedrito like you used to call him and make a soft reddish color spread through his cheeks. He looked the same as always, the same as always made your heart race and you hated that. Your heart beat faster, your palms suddenly got a little sweaty and you were sure you'd stutter if someone asked you any question. You cursed yourself under your breath, months of self care and you still acted like a high school girl around him. The sadness Kate had seen your ass, you mentally rolled your eyes as you saw how he was still the life of the party, how he laughed and made everybody laugh. He wasn't sad, and why should he? Maybe you did hurt him in your argument, in fact you did hurt him as he left with tears in his eyes, but he probably got over you, he had done it so many times before, times where you still were friends and you loved and cared for him, so now what was stopping him from just forgetting about you?

Pedro finally eyed you, he knew you were coming and he tried his best to look good for you, he had a nice outfit on, his hair was messy like you always said you loved and God, he felt like time had stopped when he saw you walk into the living room. Hermosa, princesa, linda, mariposa, all of that crossed his mind once he saw you. He hadn't seen you in what it felt like forever, and now you were there, standing a few feet away from him. His desire was to rush to you, ignoring everyone else there, and wrapping his arms around your waist. If he could, he would let out all those Spanish words you loved roll out of his tongue before he could touch your skin and make you his. He chuckled to himself just to picture what you would say if you knew his heart raced when he saw you, how he wanted to take you into his arms like you had dreamed about it for so long. Life sometimes is truly a joke.

He didn't understand how you managed to become more beautiful since the last time you saw each other but you did it, and he couldn't take his eyes off you. He had no idea if you'd even want to talk to him, give him some of your time, but he was going to try.

Before you could greet everyone who was sitting closer than him, Flora and her big brother came running to you. If someone thought Flora was sweet, they hadn't met her brother yet. Wyatt was a five year old who seemed to be obsessed with you. Out of all his mommy's friends you were definitely his favorite. He was sweet to you like he was with no one else, and the fact he still had some trouble pronouncing his 'R' made him even cuter to you.

He immediately jumped onto your lap, snuggling you as tight as he could, he was overly excited at the sweets he'd eaten and the fact some people who brought his little sister presents also brought him presents!

Pedro's heart dropped to his stomach the moment he saw you surrounded by Flora and Wyatt. He wasn't sure he was strong enough to watch that, but he couldn't look away either. It all brought him back to the dreams he constantly had about you, the dreams where he always got to a happy, crowded home, where you were his and only his, in all the ways you dreamed of for long and now he longed for it as well and you two had built a beautiful family. He was always happy in these dreams, only to feel empty when he woke up.

One of the things he always loved about you and that one he made pretty clear throughout your entire friendship, was how good with kids you were. Of course Pedro had earned the cool uncle status, but he just admired how natural you were, how kids simply wanted you to be around them and how happy you got with that. It quickly drove him back to the night of your argument, and how you threw it on his face he was nearly 50 without a family. Yes, he knew you were right, but it still hurt him anyway. When he was younger, he wasn't sure if he was going for the traditional stuff but he assumed good old marriage and kids would happen to him, after all it happened to everyone. But as the years went by, he just focused on his career and he was pretty happy that way, apart from all the loneliness he felt, loneliness that was soothed by your company during the day and some other female company at night, sometimes even more than one at the same time. Until those stupid dreams began, every single night he would have a family with you and love every single part of it just to be taken back to reality where he was alone and all he got was his career.

"Did you really think I'd forget about you?" You whispered to Wyatt as you very discreetly handed him a small basket with his favorite chocolate. You didn't have enough for all the kids, so you hoped he wouldn't make a big fuss about it, but the moment he squealed in happiness and hugged you, you felt so lucky to be there. You quickly helped him open his present and watched as he ate one piece after the other. Kate would probably kill you the next day, but you didn't care at all, seeing his true happiness.

"Pedwo, come play please!!" He asked the man, waving his hand at him and inviting him to the empty seat next to you. You saw when he smiled at Wyatt and moved closer to you. His cologne was intoxicating and for a moment all you wanted to do was to rest your head on his shoulder and have his arm around your body.

"These are my favorite too, you gotta share" he frowned playfully at Wyatt and looked at you

"Hey Y/N" he said shyly and looked down clearing his throat before looking into her eyes again "you look very beautiful, muy hermosa como siempre" he said and saw the familiar blush spreading through your cheeks adding a cute look to your face. You still reacted the same, maybe you were still his muñequita?

"Hi Pedro" you said softly and smiled politely at him.

"Come on Pedwo do the voice!!! Do it again, fow Y/N to see!!" Wyatt begged excitedly and pointed at his brand new Grogu doll. Once again you felt the urge to roll your eyes mentally, of course that was Pedro's doing and it was so predictable. Cute, but predictable. The little boy however, was mesmerized as once more Pedro sat up and made his Mandalorian voice. You didn't know exactly how it was different from his regular voice, but it was and you couldn't explain. He said whatever Wyatt liked to hear and gently tapped the doll's head, making Grogu cooed and blink his eyes, lifting his little arm gently which caused Wyatt to squeal in happiness again.

You both felt pretty good at that, no matter what happened between you two, you were really good at handling kids together and your chest ached to wonder if the same would apply if you ever had children together.

•••

After singing Happy Birthday and serving the cake, Rob, Kate's husband, asked his kids to go to the backyard. Pedro grinned at the interaction and placed his plate down, taking your hand in his and pulling you "come on Y/N, you'll want to see this" he said happily and you had no other reaction than follow him. The kids were so excited when their daddy asked them to close their little eyes. They peeked all the time, not being able to hold back how eager they wanted to see the surprise. Pedro looked at you and smiled sweetly "I don't mean to brag, but it was my idea, so you're not the only one who is great with kids, you know" he winked at her.

You swallowed and looked down at your hands, fingers entwined and how softly Pedro caressed your hand with his thumb. You immediately let go of his hand and blushed, which wasn't unnoticed by him, who sighed and stared into your eyes "I know you're still hurt about everything that went on and we need to talk, I owe you an apology for what happened and-"

Pedro was cut off by the kids' screams of happiness and pure excitement when their daddy revealed their mysterious present: a bunny. A real life bunny, you stared into Pedro eyes and chuckled "that was your idea, right?" You asked and couldn't help but smile a little "I bet Kate is thrilled" you both burst out laughing and for a moment everything was alright between the two of you again.

He only laughed softly but gently took your hand in his once more, walking towards some trees, away from the fuss the kids were making and once you were both hidden enough from anyone else who might bother you, he finally gathered the courage to speak.

"I screw everything up with you, Y/N. I know I did, in fact I knew it from the moment it happened but I was too proud and stubborn to admit it" he sighed "and then it all got worse and worse until that horrible episode at your place. I deeply regret everything that went on" Pedro looked down, and then back at you again, being puzzled by how indecipherable your expression was. You watched him apologize without really apologizing, you just hated how he asked for your forgiveness without acknowledging anything at all.

"The reason why I didn't want to talk to you anymore was because I'm tired of being your doormat, Pedro. You know how much I love you" you bit your lips "how much I loved you" you corrected yourself and continued "but you only took advantage of it, and you know it. You know how many times you've hurt me, how many times you flirted with me, you kissed me almost on the lips, you sweet talked to me, the times you had your hands on my body not in an erotic way but definitely more intimate than a friend should ever do, you know how confused it left me, and you kept doing it"

Pedro knew it was all true, but he had decided to ask for your forgiveness and to be honest, he looked around embarrassed and nodded

"I-I know that, Y/N. I know I was a real shitty friend, always teasing you, playing with your feelings… I am really ashamed of it and if I could turn back in time, I'd never act that way. I had only one glimpse of what you must've felt all this time… when I saw you with that guy from the gym and it felt like my heart had shattered into a million pieces"

You had to admit you were not expecting that, at first you thought it would be just some more of his usual bullshit, but it seemed Pedro really meant what he was telling you.

"And I know the last straw was that night at the gala. It should've been about us, after all, you were my plus one because I wanted to have you there, and I loved every minute we spent together, you looked gorgeous, muy hermosa mi cariño, but then I was just terrible to you. I don't know why I left with that woman, I mean, I don't know why I just gave in to that impulse and I know I tried brushing off as if you were exaggerating but these past months I was finally able to be true to myself and admit you were right. I was a dick, I not only humiliated you and broke your heart but also put you at risk by letting you go home on your way"

His voice had a sad tone and he didn't look away for a split second, showing he meant all that.

You began tearing up, as those were the words you waited months to hear. You wanted him to apologize, to admit what he'd done and now it had finally happened, you couldn't help but feel sad as it came too late.

"Pedro, I-"

"Please, Y/N, let me finish" he asked and took another breath "that day at your house was completely unacceptable, I know it, and we both hurt each other, I snapped because I saw you with another man and told you to leave me alone, and I didn't understand why I had such a childish and reckless attitude, until I realized I didn't know how to act on my feelings for you, which takes me to the very painful words you told me, which unfortunately, were also true. I left that night hating myself, I didn't know what to do or what to say, so I looked for help, I went back to therapy and I was able to see all the things I was doing wrong"

You saw when he took a step closer and you could smell his cologne, you had no idea what he was going to do, but your heart pounded into your chest as his big hands cupped your cheeks so gently, stroking them and staring into your eyes "and after all that self-analysis I came to the conclusion that I love you" he bit his lips and a light blush spread through your cheeks "I mean, I already did, as a friend, even if I was a dick, I truly loved and cared about you, but it changed, Y/N, it got more intense, you're the only thing that crosses my mind the whole day, the only one I want and crave, all I can think of is your body against mine, your beautiful voice singing while you make breakfast, the way you light up a room when you step inside, how the kids love you because they see how incredible you are" Pedro took another deep breath "I'm in love with you, Y/N" he finally admitted out loud and it felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He leaned in and touched your lips with his very softly at first, ghosting over them, appreciating how perfect they felt against each other. One of his hands went for your waist, wrapping his arm around it and gripping your body in a desperate need. He was so close you could feel his strong chest against your soft breasts, so pressed up against his body it was really hard to remind yourself that wasn't right. The moment you felt the man deepening the kiss, you couldn't hold back a soft moan. You decided to enjoy that moment, something you'd craved for so long, it almost felt like your heart was bursting out of your chest. Your hands gripped his hair, pulling it softly as you kissed him back as eager as he kissed you. You felt like you could be trapped in that moment forever with him, it felt right, even if it was wrong.

When Pedro broke the kiss looking for some air, you still gave him a last peck on the lips, gently stroking his cheek and taking a step back.

"Wow" you whispered and smiled shyly "I've dreamed about that moment for so long. God knows how much I daydreamed that one day this exact scene would happen, now it did, it feels unreal" you looked at him and took his hand, gently squeezing it "and that's why it breaks my heart to see it happened too late. I'm sorry Pedro, but we can't do this. I'm really sorry that I don't believe you, I don't think you love me, I think you love the fact I was in love with you and that stroke your ego like nothing else, I was young, devoted, I would do anything for you and would take anything you had to offer, but we can't do this anymore. I can't do this to myself, I love myself more than I love you now, and I won't let anyone get in the way of that, not even you" she said and let go of his hand "I'll always love you and cherish you Pedro, but it's time to say goodbye"

_____

A/N: any feedbacks, let me know! Also, you guys have just met Wyatt! He is pretty much my OC and for the years I wrote for/roleplayed Victor Creed/Liev Schreiber he was always my character's son, and I developed an emotional connection with him even if he is not real, so I thought to myself, why not show the world what a ray of sunshine my fictional son is, right?

And yes, the bunny thing I got from Narcos because I thought Pablo Escobar had no right to be that cute while gifting his daughter a bunny, the way she got happy when he gave her su conejito just made me go all aww 🥰

[runawaymun]

so.. reading and looking at your fics and art kinda makes me wanna try my hand at some stuff too (they are just so beautiful and elicit so many feels), but. you seem so knowledgeable and familiar with tolkien/elves lore (and so does everyone else i've started reading in this community of elf-lovers on tumblr haha) and i'm most assuredly not. i don't get so many of the world-building allusions authors make about the history/culture/magic, which is easy enough to deal with when reading, but do you think i'd be able to write anything good with such limited understanding of the world i'm writing in? i'm not even confident enough for modern au's because idek that much about the character's relationships/connections with each other, y'know? but what do you think? would the holes i have or straight up inaccuracies rly weaken the story and interrupt the reader's connection to the world/character's, or could i still get by? tolkien's worldbuilding is so intimidating lol

Oh my goodness, this is such a sweet ask.

I'm really glad that you love my art and writing so much, and I consider it SUCH a huge compliment that it inspires you to make your own! That's what it's all about, honestly.

So first off I just want to address the anxiety around the lore-knowledge and the Tolkien fandom because listen listen listen, there are people of every level of knowledge creating art and fics here. Let me just say that when I first published And the Stars Shine the Same three years ago, I was mostly working off of film knowledge and some vague book knowledge, and I was petrified to post it because of how intimidating the Tolkien fandom seemed. I was so worried about getting this wrong and making mistakes -- so know that you're not alone in that, and it is a very common anxiety in this fandom. The thing is, when I posted that fic I found that people loved it, and that everyone was so nice, and really I have not had anybody (save maybe...one person off the top of my head) get very nitpicky about the lore/language/etc. Everybody else was very nice, loved the fic, and super receptive and friendly.

I promise you that there are so many lovely people in this fandom and that, while they're extremely knowledgeable they're also so friendly. Nearly everybody I know would be delighted if you came into their inbox and asked them a question about their specific area of interest with regards to the Silm and LOTR. There are amazing resources in this fandom, and everybody is very happy to help when asked. When I was getting started I mostly talked to friends, looked at other fanart (because honestly there is a LOT of information packed into how people portray characters in fanart for this fandom), and when I wasn't sure on something I just checked the wikis. I believe Tolkien Gateway is one of the best resources, though I also use The One Wiki to Rule Them All, and this is one of the best resources I've found for just a quick look at common Sindarin phrases, and for everything else I use Parf Edhellen which is an incredibly comprehensive dictionary for Tolkien's various elvish languages. And if you're not sure on something, just send a call out into the void because there are dozens of besties on Tumblr who are happy to offer suggestions for names or phrase translations. There's also so much information on Youtube.

I didn't even get around to reading the Silm and rereading LOTR until I felt like it. Honest to god I looked at the wikis and asked friends for most of the stuff I needed.

And I know how intimidating it can be to build your own story within Tolkien's world, but for me what I liked so much about his work is that--- while he is specific on some things, he's also very vague on others. There is a lot of room for interpretation and your own headcannons and worldbuilding. That was part of why I chose the historical spot I did for Stars and Boundless Sky, because it was sort of "dead space" so to speak with regards to Tolkien's own worldbuilding, and so I was able to play around and do my own thing without worrying too much about stepping all over lore.

But okay, all of that to say: yes you can write good stories without being super knowledgeable. Please believe me you can. You can write whatever you want, so long as you love it, and it is yours. If you have a story you want to tell in Tolkien's little legendarium then please, please do. Tolkien's legendarium is a mythology, and mythologies are meant to be retold and reinterpreted. Tolkien's canon is incredibly loosy-goosey. There are parts of unfinished tales where Christopher Tolkien wrote: "I really couldn't make sense of my dad's notes, so here's everything. Knock yourself out ig" (notably, "Of Galadriel and Celeborn").

And Peter Jackson was fairly faithful when it comes to the og trilogy. Like there are things that I take issue with that are pet peeves of mine, and I know that's the same for a lot of people as well. Everybody has their things they take umbrage with and things they like, but generally if that's your base for knowledge you're going to be just fine to start writing fic. If you decide you want to research more, then that's up to you and the story you are trying to tell! If you're working off of the Hobbit films, that's a little different, but in general the Hobbit fandom is pretty chill when it comes to that. I would suggest reading the book if you can find the time to. It's an easy read and short, and it is very, very different to the films.

With the LOTR books...I know a lot of people are book purists and that's okay, and a lot of people go "oh you really SHOULD read the books", but tbqh as a lover of both, I think the films do a good job of telling you the heart of the story (barring a few characters like...uh. Elrond, whom PJ absolutely butchers, but I digress sorry sorry). The books do add a lot and deepen the meaning for a lot of things, and flesh a lot of characters out (and they're just fun to read), but again... yes you can write good stories without being super knowledgeable. I will say that over and over again nonnie I am grabbing you by the shoulders and looking you dead in the eye: please write your story if you want to. Please do not be afraid to just give it a stab. If you find that your lack of knowledge is holding you back for some reason, just ask! So many people will be happy to answer your questions.

Fanfiction is for everybody. Tolkien is for everybody. You do not have to be the most incredible skilled writer or know the lore really well to be able to write it. Please believe me as a person who was scared to write for the Tolkien fandom and then fell in love: people really do not gatekeep much, and if they do they're assholes. I have met so many lovely, friendly, genuine people by creating stuff for this fandom. You will be okay.

So...ough this got long, sorry. But TLDR: Yes. You can write a good story. If you are worried about holes/the story/characterization getting weakened, try to find a beta reader. They're absolute life-savers. Barring that, start posting, find a friend who as insane about your blorbos as you are, and then share snippets and plot ideas with them and within that kind of community you can get a feel for what's working in your story and what isn't. All of my best friends I have made on here are people who read my fics and have been so helpful in offering suggestions.

There are many resources, everybody is friendly, it is not as scary as it looks. The most important thing is that you have fun. Write what you want to write. It doesn't have to be good. All that matters is that you enjoy it.

[violetswritingg]

Thunderstruck

Tyler Owens x OFC!

Description: When cowgirl meets cowboy after a year of no-contact and chaos ensues during storm season!

Rating: M (Mentions of blood and death in Tornadoes and storms alike, angst and loss of loved ones, car accidents, Tornado aftermath, and injury to characters, slight age gap (5 years))

Hey! I don't normally post my writing on here, I'm normally only on Wattpad but I decided to cross post and so here is the first of many fics to be moved over here and enjoyed as well! I hope you guys enjoy the story, I honestly have no idea who many chapters this is going to be lol.

Want to read the other chapters?

Click here

1

April, 2005

Oklahoma

The sound of silverware on plates was all that could be heard, but that was normal for a Thornton-Harding-St. James family dinner. Nathan and Juliette had been tense all dinner barely saying a word to each other. All since Jo and Bill had arrived all smiles. The women's mother Michelle, and both Jo and Bill watching the parents as if they were an active bomb ready to go off at any moment. Nathan was at least trying. Smiling, as best he could, and making polite conversation when prompted, the father mainly focused on Riley who sat on his other side. Making sure she wasn't playing with her food.

At six she should know better, and he needed to teach her it was rude to waste the food someone had worked really hard to make for them. But now that the food had been eaten, there wasn't much distraction left to hide behind.

"Uh, so, Julie, how's Riley been doing in school?" Jo tried; she really did. But Juliette was mean on a good day and that day was not today. The empty wine glass next to her being her fourth, and once she got to drinking her temper just got worse.

"She's doing fine." Juliette sniffed as she sat up straighter, a forced smile on her face. Eyes narrowed as she settled into a defensive position. "Why?"

"No reason, just making conversation." Jo sighed, looking at Bill for a second before meeting Nathan's grimaced grin. Trying not to cause a scene in front of everybody was taking all his will power, wanting nothing more than to snap at Juliette and shake her. Hoping that would maybe change her entire personality, the one he hadn't seen until she was telling him she was pregnant and that it was his all those years ago.

"Right." Juliette scoffed, "You have no right to judge me, you don't even have a kid!" her jaw snapped shut, eyes blistering as she spat her words at her older sister. Jo tensed up and Riley had started to pay attention to the adults at the table instead of finishing her little slice of pie. Nathan wanted to crawl into a hole and die, take Riley with him far far away from Juliette. Riley loved Jo and Bill though and he couldn't just do that. Michelle was over the moon when she found out she was going to have a grandbaby, she's 75 now and doesn't have a lot of time left to spend with anyone, much less Riley, not with how her health had been declining recently. The stress of living in Tornado alley having taken its toll after her husband was taken in that fateful storm.

Riley was her whole world. Michelle watched her when Nathan, Bill, and Jo were out storm chasing. Juliette, even though she lived in the same house, the Harding family farm. Being rebuilt on the same land, Michelle couldn't bare to leave it behind after the original house was destroyed. Riley didn't mind it, even though she missed her dad, she loved getting to hang out with Grandma. They were like best friends. But Nathan had needed to start taking Riley with him and his team because of her health issues, and because he knew that Juliette would leave Riley to her own devices for however long he was gone, the almost 6 year old hanging out in the tech van usually a couple miles behind him and always a safe distance from the storm in pursuit.

"I am very much aware of that Juliette." Jo grit out, Bill reaching out an arm around her shoulders, the couple had hit their early 40's, still childless, still chasing. But had been entertaining the idea of settling down after one too many close calls. The topic of having kids was a sensitive one, they had been trying quietly for about a year now and no luck. Something Jo had shared with her sister and Nathan in confidence.

"The food was great Michelle-" Bill tried to move onto another topic, but got blocked.

"I'm not surprised though, I'm sure there's cobwebs up there at this point." Juliette cruelly laughed. "I'm sure Bill will move on to a younger model when he finally realizes you'll never be able to produce."

"Juliette May Thornton! You watch your-"

"What mom?" Juliette turned on Michelle next, the elderly woman sitting taller in her chair, white hair pulled back in a simple style, warm eyes worn and normally full of life. Now though, they only held disappointment in her youngest daughter. "There it is. There's the look. I'm not going to take this; I am not going to be attacked in my own goddamn house." Julliette huffed and pushed out her chair with a sharp scrape against the wood flooring and stomped upstairs.

Nathan let out a deep sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose, as Riley's little voice called out for her mom. Only to be ignored.

"Why don't you go turn on some cartoons okay baby? You got 30 minutes until bedtime, you get one show and then in the bath for you okay?" Nathan picked up his daughter and hauled her into his lap, booping her nose, causing light giggles to erupt.

Riley's dark blonde curls bouncing as she nodded quickly, Nathan setting her on her feet and the adults chuckled as she all but ran. Already hearing the Scooby-doo theme song playing over the air. The tension leaving his shoulders now that the cause of all his stress was no longer in the room.

"I'm sorry." He breathed, "She's been in a bad mood all day, picking fights just because."

"Hey, I grew up with her. If I'm not used to it at this point, then I need a thicker skin." Jo chuckled, despite the hurt still lingering in her eyes.

"Still, what crawled up her ass and died?" Bill scoffed, pulling Jo to his side and pressing a kiss to the side of her head. Nathan watching, his sight going green for a second. That's what he wanted, it's what he didn't know he wanted until he saw it with them, until he had to spend his days attached to Juliette. Riley was the bright spot, the good thing to come out of a shitty situation. Nathan would deal with Juliette every day for the rest of his life as long as he got to see Riley.

"I have been asking myself that question for years Billy." Nathan sighed out, laughing to himself, resigned to dealing with it later.

~~*~~

"What you said at dinner was uncalled for." Nathan puffed out, pulling off pillows from their shared bed. He may as well be sleeping alone though.

"Are you gonna attack me now too Nathanial?" Juliette scoffed, rolling her eyes at him from the bathroom vanity mirror as she got ready for bed. The slight slur to her voice telling him the wine was starting to hit her full force now.

"I'm not attacking you, simply stating you went too far. And that maybe you owe Jo an apology?" He tried, but got nothing but a single, indignant laugh in response.

"You think she's better than me huh? Is that it?!" Nathan hung his head, abandoning the task of making up the bed. He pushed back the tears of frustration and looked back at the woman he was sure he had been in love with, or at the very least liked at one point.

"When have I ever said that?" He started, voice heavy with exhaustion.

"You don't have to say it, you've always liked her better than me. Just like everyone else! I thought you were different!"

"You are 36 years old Juliette! When are you going to let this go?" He never raised his voice when they argued, never wanting Riley to hear, but Juliette seemed to want to wake the whole house which included Jo and Bill who were spending the night before heading out in the morning. Thunder rolled in the distance.

"You aren't denying it! God! I am so stupid! I never should have stayed. Never should have-" She kept muttering under her breath every seeming regret she had as she stormed into the room, yanked open the closet, grabbing a duffle bag from inside and throwing her clothes in it haphazardly. "This place is suffocating! You are suffocating with your judgy eyes and every comment about how I raise Riley-"

"You don't! That's the issue! What are you doing?" Nathan sighed as she plopped the duffle bag on the still made up side of the bed, her side.

"What does it look like. I can't stay here. Not with you or them. All of you just hate on me all the time, look at me like I'm nothing but a disappointment. I'm sorry I'm not perfect! I'm sorry I'm not golden girl Jo!" Juliette finished, throwing an arm towards the door, chest heaving as she zipped up her duffle bag and yanked open the bedroom door. Slamming it shut behind her.

Nathan listened to her as she went down the stairs, taking a breath before he was going after her, repeating over and over she is the mother of your child in his head. When they first met, it was in the middle of storm season and Jo's kid sister decided she wanted to come with her chasing that year, she was just as wild back then. Less mean, less insecure. She was all bright eyes and wide smiles, soft skin and warm affection. Until she got pregnant. That's when everything changed.

"Jules! Jules!" Nathan whisper-shouted, as he tripped down the stairs.

"What's happening?" Bill questioned, opening the door to the guest room on the first floor, in a white t-shirt and his boxers, yawning and scratching his face. Jo's voice behind him asking the same thing, sleep slurring her words though.

"I don't know William, ask your wife." Juliette spit as she past him and Nathan was still trying to get to her.

"Just go back to bed, sorry for waking you-"

"Oh shut up Nathan!"

"Was I talking to you?!" He finally snapped and Bill's mouth dropped, Juliette looked like she had been slapped.

"Well, I never..." Juliette huffed, holding a hand to her chest. Crocodile tears in her eyes, Nathan had seen them enough to know she was just trying to make him feel guilty. It was at that moment that Jo decided to get out of bed and come to the door to see what was going on.

"Bill, Jo, please, go back to bed. We're fine-"

"No! We're not fine. You know this is all your fault? Right?! If I had never gotten pregnant, my life wouldn't be like it is now. Miserable. If I had never met you or had Riley I would be happy. I wish I had never met you! I wish I had gotten rid of the baby, keeping her was a mistake-"

"Hey!-" Nathan could only see red.

"Mommy?"

Everything stopped and it felt like a lead weight had been dropped into Nathan's stomach. He turned around and looked up at the bottom of the stairs, the dirty-blonde head of his daughter, her big blue eyes, his eyes, staring up at her mother with confusion.

It was clear Juliette didn't know what to say, and Nathan was ready to swing if she said anything negative to his kid. There was a tense silence, Riley pulled her blanket and stuffed rabbit closer to her, looking unsure.

"Do you want a hug? You look sad." Riley pattered slowly up to the woman, stopping at her feet and looking up at the much taller adult who had given birth to her. Tugging on her sweatpants gently, looking for a connection. It broke Nathan's heart, knowing Riley would never get that. At least not with Juliette.

"I'm not your mommy anymore." With that Juliette turned on her heel and left. Slamming the front door behind her.

"Daddy?" Riley, with tears in her eyes looked to the man who was instantly there. Picking her up and holding her to him, her tears dampening the shoulder of his t-shirt. "Where did mommy go?"

"I don't know baby. I don't know." With one last look over his shoulder to Bill and Jo, the couple grinning sadly at the father-daughter pair. Nathan doing his best to not shake in anger. Juliette was gone for now, he had to focus on Riley. Make sure she was okay. And so, he took his daughter back up to her room and three bedtime stories, a lullaby, and a forehead kiss later she was back down and snoring softly. Hair sprawled crazily behind her, her favorite dino pj's on, blanket and rabbit next to her.

Nathan's love-filled gaze was like honey, his fingers petting her hair back from her face. When Juliette told him she was pregnant he had been terrified, convinced she was lying. He didn't take it well. He was still in his PhD program, had just been offered a huge grant to keep working on his already existing research, he couldn't see himself able to have a kid without throwing everything he had been working towards his whole life away.

Which wasn't true, he had to defer the grant for a year, finished out that year at school and then dropped out of the PhD program, it killed him, but he couldn't go to school back home in Arkansas if Juliette refused to leave Oklahoma. He may not have wanted the kid in the first place but he was raised right and was going to step up however he had to.

He wanted to be there for Juliette as she carried the baby, support her. She was miserable, she lost close to twenty pounds due to morning sickness and had to be on bed rest for months. It wasn't fun and she was horrible every minute of it. Michelle and him had to walk on eggshells every second of every day, and even then they still would set her off someway somehow. They let it slide during the pregnancy because it was understandable, she was constantly uncomfortable, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't walk. But after Riley was born the behavior stayed, and only got worse as Riley struggled to breast feed and Juliette struggled to bond with her baby.

The connection with Nathan and Riley had been immediate though and that pissed Juliette off, it was just one more person who hadn't chosen her first. That, in her mind, didn't want her. Nathan suggested therapy but was met with a scoff and another argument about her being scared he was trying to take Riley away from her by claiming she was crazy, which was so not the case.

He could still remember when he first held Riley in the hospital, how perfect she was in every way, and still is. He hadn't ever felt the kind of love he did when he first laid eyes on his daughter, her little fingers wrapped around his pointer finger and his entire heart. She was an easy kid, at least with him. Juliette never seemed to figure out how to calm Riley down when she was fussy or upset, and would get frustrated with her quickly, yelling, berating. Nathan had walked in one time when Riley had gotten a fever and needed one of them up with her at all times, he could have sworn Juliette was about to shake the, then months old Riley, who had been wailing for what felt like hours that night.

He stopped trusting her to be alone with Riley at that moment in time. In the back of his mind he always knew Juliette wasn't going to stick around, she never did when things got hard. Fact of the matter was this had happened before, multiple times, Nathan just hoped that one day Riley wouldn't remember any of this. Or the hurtful words her mom said to her that night.

~~*~~

[foundtherightwords]

🛒 🐀 🥁 "Hoard" thoughts 🛒 🐀 🥁

OK, so I've finally finished watching "Hoard" (after having to put it on hold because I got sensory overload from the damned Interview Magazine photoshoot!) and sufficiently recovered to gather my thoughts. Here they are (placed below the photo/cut to avoid spoilers, obvs):

First impression: It's a lot less gross than I was led to believe. Even the scene everybody claims to be the grossest (with the pop rocks) is not that gross to me. But maybe I'm just desensitized from watching too much Taskmaster lol (when you've watched a man eat hot toothpaste, dog food, burned porn, and a regurgitated donut all in the name of comedy, and whatever the hell this task is, nothing is gross anymore.)

In fact, I'm pleasantly surprised by how whimsical the movie is, especially the earlier scenes of Maria's childhood. Luna did a great job treading that fine line between magical (especially when seen from young Maria's POV) and grim (when seen from the audience's POV). Hayley Squires is amazing as Cynthia; there's so much strength and vulnerability in her character. Hers is the stand-out performance for me after Joe's.

Michael: I'm going to be biased here (of course I am, it's Joe) and say I don't find Michael as despicable as Luna and Joe himself made him out to be in interviews. Yes, a lot of this sympathy is thanks to Joe's performance (though I have to say he's excellent at adding a sinister undercurrent to everything Michael does, especially in the early scenes with Maria). But I think Michael is struggling just as much as Maria, and he doesn't have the support system like Maria does (with her foster mum or her friend) to pull him out of it. His fiancee seems sweet, but she's clueless (and honestly, I was screaming at her to just leave his smelly ass at the end! You don't need him!) I can see how his actions can be interpreted as manipulative and predatory because he's so much older than Maria and already in a relationship. Still, when you think about how both Michael and Maria don't have a normal childhood and they're trying to recapture that sense of childhood with each other, then you can say Maria is in control of the action much more than he is (he freaks out when she goes off on her own and insists that "We do this together", like a little kid). @ceriseheaven has an excellent interpretation that Michael is the personification of grief for Maria, which I heartily agree with and want to add that, if Michael is grief to Maria, then Maria is childhood for him, the childhood he never had (and the fact that he's about to be a dad himself is driving this home for him, making him even more desperate for that taste of joy before he has to be a real grown-up.) This is why the sex sours it for both of them, I believe. It makes everything too real. Everybody keeps talking about Joe's improv of the line "Please love me," but for me, it's the line before that - "Is it that hard [to love me]?" - that really breaks my heart and epitomizes Michael's character.

My quibble: pacing. I find the first half of the movie kind of slow, and the second half almost breakneck in pace, so much so that I was surprised when Michelle claims it's been 5 months since Maria left school (it felt like 5 days to me!) Maybe it's intentional on Luna's part, but I wish it could have been more evenly paced so we could really get into Maria's downward spiral and see how her hoard builds up gradually. The last 15 minutes or so, starting with the confrontation with Michael in her room (the "Please love me" scene), is the most powerful to me, but because of the pacing, the ending feels kind of rushed. I guess the catalyst that shocks Maria out of her hoarding is the encounter with the hit-and-run victim, but it feels a little out of nowhere. After all that dysfunction, I wasn't expecting it to be wrapped up so neatly (yes, there is the hint that Maria may be pregnant, but she seems to have made peace with everything.) I'm going to watch it again to see if this impression changes.

Finally: why doesn't Sky Store have subtitles for their films? I'm at that age now where I can't hear without subtitles, and half of the time I have no idea what the characters are saying (their thick East London accent doesn't help.)

So, all in all, a very interesting film, not my type at all (my taste in film is very conventional haha), but it's a testament to Luna's talent that she manages to deliver such a personal story in a way that resonates with the audience regardless of our experiences, and I'm glad it's been brought to our attention thanks to Joe. I'm definitely going to rewatch it (several times!) to pick apart the story and the characters more carefully.

[dootznbootz]

Literally just found out about you today and I'm already follow in you. As fellow tele-GONE-y hater, I absolutely stan with all the hate we have for that stupid fan fiction. Circe used to be one of my favorite books, I still think the writing is good. But when you look at the original source material? Yikes- I don't get why Miller chose CIRCE out of everyone. If she wanted to write a feministic story that's fine. But why chose a female character whom you have to make better and corrupt all the other characters in the source material so that Circe is more sympathetic? Why couldn't she write a TRUE feministic story about some other character?? I personally would've loved a story about Nausikaa. Which would make more sense considering she is a character who is often forgotten in most retellings of the Odyssey.

Circe isn't a sympathetic character, she was never supposed to be one. To make her sympathetic is to make everyone around her terrible. I'm so angry when people use this book for insight on Circe character because it is so different to actual Circe.

I'm also so very salty about what she did to my boy Hermes because what.

Thank you so much!!! Sorry this took a while to answer! Thankfully most folks are not a fan of the Tele-GONE-y either :'D it's mostly the "well, actually" folks who talk about it. >:(

"If she wanted to write a feministic story that's fine. But why choose a female character whom you have to make better and corrupt all the other characters in the source material so that Circe is more sympathetic?"

This right here, is exactly how I feel with so many of these "feminist retellings". Feminism is about lifting each other up. If you have to make everybody else "worse" to make your main character better, then...that's just not good storytelling.

This goes along with the whole "all men are bad no matter what" that happens all the time and I hate it so much. Even if the system may be sexist, that does not mean that every single male agrees with it.

You put everything into words well but I like to ramble so Ima say shit too but it's basically the same thing lol

With the whole "every horrible thing Circe has done is done fo a reason. she's defending herself, she was wronged, men are so evil uwu" is just fucking lazy and SUCKS. >:( LET WOMEN BE FLAWED, COWARDS!

I actually really love Odyssey Circe as a character. She's morally gray and does whatever she wants as a goddess. Yes, she terrifies Odysseus but she's COMPLEX. Why does she need a reason to turn men into pigs? Why can't she just do it "for funsies"?

I think it takes away from her as a goddess to always have a reason for her to do the things she does, you know? Immortals are fickle and don't have the same morals as mortals. I think Miller changed so much as "to have a morally gray protagonist?? No, that's wrong!" which BORING!!!!!!!

I fucking love Penelope. But I still have her a lil mean and even a bit snooty sometimes as her and Odysseus are like-minded. Hubris would be her downfall as well. She is petty and holds grudges like no other. because she's a PERSON. Not "bland empowerment in a can for everyone to consume". Ofc, she has her wonderful qualities like her intelligence, devotion, determination, and yes, she does have her kind moments (she goes 0 to 100% real quick. She takes the "Do no harm, Take no shit" phrase to the extremes. lol)

But honestly? I think there's a real problem in writing in many YA books and especially in fandom where people treat female characters as goddesses (which yes, understandable) but then they can't...make her human you know? Almost like they cannot see any of the woman's flaws or even WANT her to have flaws because "woman doing a bad thing that isn't done 'cutely' ("endearingly clumsy", "quirky chatterbox", etc. traits that are usually not the greatest are "cute" now simply because she's a woman. Maybe a love interest sees her that way but those traits would probably be considered annoying to many others.) regardless is antifeminist"

And even then, so many things that I want to write about are what many would consider feminist when...She's just existing. And I'm getting silly with it. Penelope is athletic and a naiad (75% but you know. with her parentage) but I don't write her that way TO make it feminist. I'm not doing it for that. I just like tiny but mighty wife ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I don't plan to write other women as "lesser" for not being athletic for example. Anticlea doesn't understand why Penelope likes doing that stuff but she's still supportive and they enjoy weaving together. I am NEVER putting down another female character for not being "girlboss" enough.

I really hate that this book has made people constantly bring up the Tele-GONE-y AND Shittalking all of them. I don't like looking at retellings and seeing "a new feminist take". Usually goes against the entire story to begin with. Often portraying good male characters in the original as "bad and horrible".

Also no hate to those that enjoy Circe the Book, but to me, it sounds like trauma porn. adding rapes that were never there, making the victim of the situation the PERPATRATOR because, clearly, a man cannot be a victim. I heard about her hating being a mom despite her literally having servants and she's a GODDESS in the Odyssey. She could literally have a nanny/nurse if she wanted.

Fun fact: I was watching a video essay about villainesses and how to write them well and as soon as it started to talk about historical villainesses and how Circe was a "femme fatale", I exited the video. She's an "antagonist", she lets them stay there but she's still...Not GOOD. To be a femme fatale means to usually seduce. She does not seduce Odysseus. He was literally commanded to by Hermes and her.

[gaycrittercentral]

They're done!! also fuck you tumblr how dare you eat ALL THE INFO I JUST PUT IN HERE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

sigh. Anyhow here they are!! My first stab at drawing the seven heavenly virtues AU, which was actually going to be a set of references for a different drawing of them, but then I ended up coloring these instead. Lmao I'll finish the other drawing another time. All that's missing here is Max drooling over them all fjkdsljgslk;fhsh

Also, my handwriting fuckin' sucks so feel free to check the alt text/image description if you need a translation! Anyhow I'm boutta ramble about them a LOT so the rest is under the cut hehe

I'll be the first to say that color is not my strong suit, or at least that I'm not confident in my color choices, but I'm honestly pretty happy with how most of these turned out! probably my favorites are Chastity, Patience and Kindness, just because they get to be a bit unique (and also because conceptually I like them a lot hehe). I almost feel bad giving my favorite color to Diligence bc he's a loser, but whatever, somebody had to get it and he fit the vibe best lmao. Also, funnily enough, he and Temperance are the only ones who ended up having the same hue as their vice counterparts! Weird, huh? Oh actually there's Humility and pikaflute's Pride, they're both indigo teehee. But yeah, I wanted to match colors with the vibe of each virtue, so it didn't end up being a one to one thing with the vices.

Btw I kinda based Patience on that one episode of the cartoon where Sam passed out for fifteen years and woke up a monk, lol. But also I just reeeeally wanted to put him in that bathrobe, also from the cartoon, because um. Well. um. open bathrobe Sam....I don't even like men but like.......

Also there's a roll of toilet paper behind Humility because he's locked in the bathroom, poor baby. Oh and it didn't come out all that clear but that's a trowel Kindness has in his hand, he's helping with about a million things at once fjkdlsgjdlskh. I'm love him

Oh and tbh while I like most everybody, I really think I need to give sin Sam a more original design. Like, let's be honest, if he had some five o' clock shadow, no hat, and his tie back, then he's just noir Sam. And that's great I guess because we all know noir Sam was hot, but like, I don't wanna just ride his coattails. For that matter, if anybody has ideas for potential redesign elements, I'd be interested in hearing them! Can't promise I'll go with them because I'm horrifically picky but I'd love to hear anyhow hhhhfkdlsjfldshfs

ummm and that's it I can't think of anything else to say and I've kept myself up entirely too late doing this so hope y'all enjoy byeeeeee

[loremaster]

RAIN CODE REWRITE! boba au masterpost

Each chapter contains spoilers for the same chapter of Rain Code canon. Proceed at your own risk!

links:

CHAPTER 0

The reason it's called Boba AU

Relationship Chart

PROLOGUE

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2: (wip)

CHAPTER 3: (wip)

CHAPTER 4: (wip)

CHAPTER 5: (wip)

now let me break down what i'm trying to do here:

boba au is about how the plot and group dynamics of rain code would change if the train detectives survived and made it into kanai ward. it's not quite an everybody-lives-au... some things are better and some things are worse. :)

yuma gets two detective friends per case instead of just one. the crimes remain the same (for the most part), but they way they get unraveled will be different.

as yuma and shinigami's relationship is the core focus of the actual game of rain code, i will not be focusing on that here. he's still haunted, shinigami is still there technically, but i'm not going to draw her in most of the scenes because i'm more interested in the other detectives getting fleshed out. also i'm not really interested in shinigami anyway

most of the interactions will be platonic, but there will also be some romantic(ish) relationships that the game didn't really do well or do at all. nothing past T rated unless you ask real nice and you're free to interpret stuff however you want. ships will be tagged/revealed as they show up in updates but honestly? most of these ships don't have names yet so I'll have to come up with something taggable LOL

Art quality will vary wildly because this is just a fan project and i need to save my Polished Finished Art energy for school and original work

if this project inspires you to make any art or writing i'd love to see it :'D

[punchitmrsulu]

Hi I'm new to the walking dead for the Rick and michonne show! I want to watch where should I start? Can I ask who is Jessie and why was he miserable? It just seems like such a fun fandom there's so much lore I kinda want to know everything. How far back should I go to get the full story from the actors and everything? I kind of live for the kind of stuff lol. But it's OK if it's a lot to explain. I thought about just spending a few days digging through the tag as far back as I could go. This show and all the gifsets and all the fun everyone is having kinda has me obsessed a little bit. But should I watch the whole series? It's eleven seasons lol.

I'll explain it all to you, no problem! I'll just warn you there will be a few spoilers though, ok? It's kinda hard to explain without them, so if you don't want spoilers, don't read on.

Listen, Rick and Michonne aside (who are awesome, amazing, perfect) The Walking Dead is a REALLY good show all around. It's honestly got some of the best writing I've ever seen on TV. So, if you like TV shows and you're looking for a good one, I'd advise you to watch it all from the beginning. It is indeed a lot but it's gonna go by so fast, because it's so good, you won't even feel it. Seriously, all of the characters, the dynamics between them, the bonds they all forge, the development of the characters, the relationships, the narrative, the found family aspect of it, it's all chef's kiss. And Rick and Michonne is like the cherry on top. It's like, in case you thought we couldn't make things even better, here's the best couple of all time for you, enjoy.

Now, focusing on just Rick and Michonne, I'd still advise you to watch it from the beginning so that you can FULLY appreciate it when they finally get together. Cause we have Rick's relationship with Lori (his dead wife) in the beginning of the show, which was just not good at all, she never had his back, so when he finally meets Michonne and she becomes his partner in every way, even before they fall in love, it's just got a different flavor when it finally happens, you know? Cause everything he has with Michonne is the complete opposite of what he had with Lori, and it's glorious, and you can see why they were made for each other and are soulmates, so unless you see that relationship first, it's not gonna have the same impact in my humble opinion.

As for Jessie, and Andy being miserable about Rick's storyline with her on the panels, Jessie is a character (the most generic character you can possibly think of) that shows up closer to the end of season 5, before Rick and Michonne get together, and she's on the show for 14 episodes. Rick is kind of having a bit of a breakdown at this point and he develops a little thing for her but nothing really happens between them. They only share one very chaste kiss, which is shown from a distance. You see, Jessie's kind of a stand-in for his dead wife at this point in his storyline. Her fragility kinda reminds him of her, her husband is abusive and so she's someone he can save like he couldn't save his wife. She's like a second chance for him to save his dead wife, that was her whole purpose.

But the whole thing is just very forced and stupid and nobody wanted it, everybody was already shipping Richonne then for a long time, so it made NO sense. And at the time, the marketing for the show was really pushing this whole Jessie thing, so Andy's miserable on all the panels where that storyline is brought up because he had always wanted Rick and Michonne together, even his mom wanted it, both he and Danai (the actress who plays Michonne) have both said they were always playing romance when it came to Rick and Michonne, and it's very clear from the writing that that's where things were headed, so again, this Jessie person made NO sense. So, on the panels, whenever the Jessie storyline was brought up, Andy would usually keep his head down, hiding behind his hat and wouldn't say anything, wouldn't express anything, only the actress playing Jessie talked. He really just wanted to forget that storyline was a thing at all, it was bad enough he had to play it.

But thankfully, like I said, nothing really happens between them, she's in it for just a few episodes and then Michonne becomes his entire world.

Now, if you only want to watch starting from the point where Rick and Michonne meet, that's right at the end of 3x06. And if you only want to watch from when they get together, that's 6x10. It's still gonna be awesome and amazing, but like I explained, you might not get the FULL experience.

It is indeed many seasons but the first one is only 6 episodes long and from then on, each season is about 13-16 episodes long.

I hope I was able to make things clear for you and if you have any other questions, just ask, I'll be more than happy to answer!

[meanbossart]

I've been really enjoying your fic and it got me curious about how your campaign went??? I got the important parts (your Durge denied Bhaal, Shadowheart spared nightsong I think, Astarion obviously didn't ascend) but what else happened? Will we ever see any of the other companions?

Thanks for enjoying the story! I can say with pretty much certainty we won't be seeing any other canonical characters from the game, Jaheira, Minsc and Halsin would have stayed behind in Baldur's Gate, as well as Wyll. My Durge killed Lae'zel early in the game and Karlach also died at the end of my campaign.

Gale's character decided to go after the crown, and while he was the staple fourth member of my party the relationship had always been uh... Tense. This was before they apparently patched out how needy he was, but frankly it made for a really interesting story since i just kind of assumed his character was kind of a creep wearing a nice-guy's face. Also, to be fair, I DID fall for his "wanna see a magic trick" line but that just kindled the fire to my theory that he's actually a fairly manipulative person (and perhaps he's unaware of it). MIND YOU PLEASE that this doesn't mean i don't like his character - honestly i feel like I got a REALLY interesting side of him in my campaign and i wouldnt have it any other way - this was a party composed of the dark urge, Astarion, Shadowheart and GALE and to have us all turn down power and glory only for the goody-two-shoes wizard of the camp to turn kinda evil and power-hungry made for a really satisfying narrative.

... Sorry i ended up rambling about Gale LOL to actually answer the rest of your question, my campaign went like this:

I made a Fighter, champion sub-class, BIG hulking drow because i thought it would be funny. Because i went in blind I started off as a confused homicidal murderer who is a liiiittle weirded out about his urges but he doesnt stress TOO much about it. Is fairly standoffish and distrusting toward all of his companions which made for a weird start. Motivated by gold, killing things, getting this worm out his head and making off-color jokes. Ends up siding with the Tieflings because i also decided that, as a very hedonistic character who thinks we should be lunatics because we want to rather than because a cult is telling us to be, my durge would profoundly hate the absolute. As a male drow he also really hated Minthara so yeah, easy choice there. As mentioned above, I also killed Lae'zel when she tried to murder-suicide everybody.

I wasn't going to fuck anyone, believe it or not, so during the tiefling party i went with Gale because it SEEMED like he just wanted to show me something neat (it ended early because i failed his checks and i guess he can't get hard unless i can cast fireball). Also, at this point even though i made mostly "good" moral choices i *was* still a dick the whole time - despite this, everyone in camp wanted to fuck me BESIDES Astarion, which was so fucking funny and devastating that I decided my Durge would, from that moment on, turn on the charm and the flattery and make it his mission to bang him. So yes, they were manipulating each other. I don't have to explain why that made for a really really fun little dynamic. Also Astarion had to tell me he was a vampire through dialogue instead of biting me and i got to say "yeah duh" which was hysterical.

I finally banged him sometime during the underdark (didn't go to the creche at all) and during Act 2 I followed the same pattern of doing mostly the Good Thing while being arrogant the whole time, I fell into a kind of chaotic-neutral/true-neutral aligment and watched my little homicidal maniac cluelessly stumble his way into a hero's journey. I had also really grown to like Shadowheart at that point after having a really negative first impression of her character and she basically became my durge's best friend. Astarion also grew on me for all the reasons we know and love and he did his confession to me sometime in late act 2. I Never met Araj (though i think i mention her in the fan story only because her interaction is interesting) so I got the dialogue that isn't prompted by her encounter. I also had to "break up" with Gale at this point which boy that sure came as a surprise to me! I also didnt break the shadow curse.

Because I didnt kill isobel (Again, my guy didnt like people telling him what to do or not to do), my little butler guy made me wanna kill Astarion. I SWEAR this happened pretty late in game, maybe even in the first night in baldur's gate which i realize is unusual. Naturally I didnt and I decided that would be the turning point where my Durge decides to not just Go With The Flow of things but actively fight his urge and pursue its root cause. He tried to be more of a good person from that point on which was kind of a clumsy effort lol

He completely antagonized the emperor immediately upon him revealing his true identity, stole the orphic hammer from Raphael's house, betrayed Gortash after setting an "alliance" with him, killed Orin (she kidnapped the orphan and killed her in front of me because i failed the check :| ) stopped Astarion from ascending and helped Shadowheart kill everyone in the house of grief, i let her make her own choice regarding her parents and she decided to kill them. I also encouraged her to not immediately align with the Selunites just because of her past.

I got Astarion the thing that helps him read the necromancy book and i cannot tell you how satifyins it was that, after giving up unspeakable power by killing Cazador, that dude and his little ghoul army basically mauled Orin and her grandad for me practically by themselves while I was down on the floor with 1 health. PROUD OF YOU BUDDY.

Gale spoke to Mystra as well at some point and i swear I NEVER encouraged that guy to take the crown for himself. It was always either "do whatever you want" or "i think thats a shitty idea." At this point my Durge was super sick of him so they had a bit of a crappy relationship which may have something to do with how things turned out.

I betrayed the emperor, released Orpheus and when he asked if any of us wanted to be a mindflayer i went "Fuck No" big time and luckily the guy just did it for me. Chaos ensues, I kill the emperor and the absolute in an epic battle that took me like a whole day. I also killed Orpheus when he asked me to. Karlach died ( :c ) and Gale told me he was gonna fuck off to get the crown. In the final Astarion dialogue I told him we would find a way to get him to walk under the sun again.... AAAAAnd thats it i think? Man this game is huge lmao i swear i wasnt trying to be long-winded.

[deadmomjokes]

What does the bean love about hotels?

Short, unhelpful answer: EVERYTHING

More truthful: I have no way of knowing what it is, exactly, but by golly she loves them.

It's got big beds! There's usually a big TV (even tho we never turn it on)! Tiny fridge, sneaky camouflaged microwave, gigantic mirror--sometimes several of those! It's all magical because it's new and out of place but also baseline familiar in a lot of cases.

It has everything she'd expect from her home, but it's not her home, and most hotels are both very similar to each other and very different while being similar. Some have a pool. Some have a big lobby. Some have stairs. Some have food. Some have carpet floors and others have slidey floors. But all hotels have at least one bed and a bathroom and lots of doors and rooms, and a person you have to talk to so you can get the keys/cards. (Sometimes that person has lollipops or stickers for if you're a small adorable child who uses polite words and isn't destroying the lobby, which is extra exciting when you are, in fact, a small child.)

There's probably also an element of relief to it, because we only stay in hotels when we've been driving a long time. So a hotel represents a chance to be comfortable, and not stuck in a car, and usually also comes with food. Hotel breakfast is everything fun about a restaurant, but in jammies! And it's so fun to eat restaurant food dinner in what is essentially a big bedroom, because we never do that at home!

Honestly, when you think about it, a hotel really is quite magical and surreal. It's like a little bit of home, but not your home, and not really anyone else's home, but it has everything you need, and it just sits there? Waiting for you? How weird is that? And what does it do when nobody's there? You just go in, have a visit, and then leave, and you never go back to that same hotel room again.

There's tiny soap and tiny shampoo and SO many towels--why does it have so many towels? The three of us have, like, three towels max in our bathroom at home, and that's all we need, but somehow every single one of those hotel towels gets used in a single night. It's bizarre!

All the doors look the same, but do all the rooms look the same inside? You'll never know, because you only stay in one. So do all the other rooms have people in them, too? Where are they going? Why are they at this hotel where you are also at? Why are the beds in the rooms so tall? Why are there so many pillows? What's with the long air conditioner right under the window, and why does it make such a big noise all the time? How do they make enough hot water for everybody? How do they make the keys work when it's just a card? How come there are never any big lights in the ceiling even though there's light switches, just little lamps that have buttons on them too?

These are all real questions we've gotten from her during hotel stays, by the way.

I wish I could articulate it better, but I don't think I really could, given that this was her answer when I asked:

I love hotels!

[me: me too! What about hotels do you love?]

I love.... I love Motel 6, and Super 8, and there should be a 7 one so it goes 6 7 8, but there's Red Roof Inn, and the one with the sun on it, and Comfort Inn-- "inn" is another word for "hotel," but I like to say "hotel" because.... Um.... I love hotels!

So there you have it...? I guess?

The kid just really likes hotels lol

[iminyournotis]

I was thinking, "I don't even have any friends to be honest with, or tell my shit to, because everybody seems to have some kind of stake in my personal business," but then I remembered TUMBLR EXISTEDDD, so here I am.

1. Ended up snooping on my NINETEEN year old coworker last night because he skipped out on BK with me after work, and I got UNREASONABLY possessive, noticing that he was talking to the new girl at work, and I thought no WAY he's fucking her... She just started. (And he made a WHOOOLE thing to me abt how he doesn't want to hook up-- he just wants to find someone he loves and 'make love'. ((I was all, 'You're completely valid.' and then look at the camera like I'm in The Office then do the finger loop crazy sign at my head's temple, crossing my eyes. LOL.))) So I pulled back up after I finished getting BK alone because I was salty as hell and overly curious, and they were still there an hour and ten after close... I honestly scared them and embarrassed myself and I tore off.

2. Went to the gas station beforehand, because I had started smoking cigarettes again like a day or two ago, because I've been stressed about having Seb cock block his brother from me (and potentially for me. It's complicated.) and it lowkey feels like Caleb ALLLL over again, and it's making me lose my mind, so I'm back to stressedly chuffing.

Went to buy a pack, and this dude hollered in the gas station. I hollered back.

We were talking, I give him my phone number, I told him I'm willing to hook up, he's like 'alright, cool... Maybe pick me up later cause I need a whip,' I'm like, 'Okay.' Cue Burger King and checking where I shouldn't.

3. Go back to my parents' house and dude texts me asking if I was trying to link up... It's late, I tell him yeah anyway. I have work at 8:30, and it's already 11 or midnight by the time we're messaging each other. I end up pulling up to this bar I've never been to around midnight, and I end up taking him and his friend to get blazed out in a parking lot somewhere. Dude I was gonna hook up with doesn't smoke za, but his friend does. I get high and immediately get scared, because now I'm OVI, and I have two young Black men in my vehicle with me, and I get scared that some awful shit was fixing to happen, so I go, 'I'M GETTING YOU BOTH HOME SAFELY. I'm not pulling out until our seat belts are fastened, etc.' Went full mom mode. (Also, at this point, the young man I was with was 22, and his friend was 21. They thought I was younger than even them, which was hilarious. So another predatory woman moment for Mama.)

Drop 21 off. Go to drop 22 off next, but he takes me to this outfield out the way... We park, talk some; he hits it and as he's getting out of the backseat, I go, "Wait, did you finish?" He very non-chalantly said "Yeah," as he's putting his pants back on. I go, "... Did you cum inside me?" He responds pretty deadpan "Yeah." I'M LIKE "WHAT? Did you even plan on telling me???" He goes, "I mean, yeah." I was stunned. He's like, "I mean, you can take a Plan B if you don't feel safe." NFJSJFHJDN I was losing my mind. NOT the fucking point. He's like "Are you mad at me?" I'm like, "TO be honest, yeah."

I drive him back home, he forgets something in my car, I pull back around, he's tryna get me to stay at his mom's house with him for the night (which he pays rent at), I say no. I drive off. He goes, 'Actually, I forgot my hat, too.' I was like 10 minutes down the road and closer to home by the time I saw this message, so I'm like 'Man, I'm keeping it now. Sorry.' He's like, 'alright it's fine. lol.'

End scene. Oh, actually not, because by the time I get back into my city/town, it's like 3:30 AM. I didn't even wash my clothes, I still needed to shower, I haven't really been eating for the last week, so I thought, 'Fuck it. I'm calling off.'

Haven't called off a single time since starting, even through this lowkey nasty cold I had a few weeks ago. So my manager, who I'm WAY too involved with, was like 'wtf?? You're just not coming in?' I'm like yeah. She's like "What's your reason." All investigative. I'm like "Not been eating well. It's for my health." She goes, "Get well." I'm such a fucking loser.

So then I woke up like an hour ago at three PM, and here I am. ❤️ What the fuck is going on with my life, though.