#i love how melissa just busts out laughing

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 8 thoughts

tears. in my eyes. shaky breathing. oh. okay.

well. no place to start but the beginning.

stares at my laptop screen for a long, long time before typing. give me a minute. allow to me collect myself.

okay. we start with scully's mom narrating. and we learn, thanks to the subtitles, that her mom's name is margaret. this is information i will also be storing in my useless scully facts book.

so we knew she had two brothers, but a sister is also mentioned, named melissa. and we get this story from her childhood, about how dana- which feels wrong for me to type, but i will- was given a bb gun by her brothers, and she joined in with them shooting a snake. but then she realized it was bleeding and she cried as it bled out in her hands and held it while it died. which is already So much to handle. and her mom is saying that she feels how her daughter felt that day watching the animal die.

the next thing we see is mulder is there, and. he's saying it's still too early to know if she's gone. but. well.

we see a gentleman bring something out. and it is a gravestone with her name carved into it.

he turns away like he was burned from even looking at it. and man. that hurt. very badly.

we see that her middle name is katherine. and we learn this because we see it on her gravestone.

he goes back to his place (where he still sleeps on the couch) but then he gets a phone call that they've found her. and he busts into the door when the nurse says he can't go in there. that's our man!

he's screaming at these poor healthcare workers, somewhat rightfully suspicious they're involved with the government who took her, but also man. they don't get paid enough. however, i understand the emotional explosiveness this had to have provoked. so he is really just screaming, at the nurse, at the doctor, demanding to know what the hell happened, where she came from, and he says "i swear i'll do anything, i'll find out what they did to her" while being escorted out

then there is a very tense conversation between the doctor and her mother and him. the doctor must have already have been in quite a state, because mere minutes ago a raving angry man accused him of stealing his friend, and now he's sitting with said angry man explaining that they genuinely have no idea how she got here, and that she has no indication of injury.

we also learn that she had no desire to remain on life support past a certain point. and mulder knows this because. he. he. he uh. well he signed her will.

now i think maybe that's just something you have to do at the fbi and i can see them making a little joke out of it- a nice little trip to get each other's will signed, make a day of it, keep it light and funny- but man. man in this context. oh i'm gonna be Sick.

so we see a woman holding a crystal over her body and we learn it is her sister melissa!!! she's really pretty. she tries to show mulder that you can feel her energy by holding his hands over her but he gets angry and leaves.

(i love this dichotomy here, that somehow the ultra skeptic has a sister who is into talking about spirits and crystals. truly i feel this is what happens to people raised catholic)

at this point i wrote "girl i'm stressed tf out" and yeah. kinda the whole mood.

melissa is saying that his anger and fear is blocking the positive emotions she needs to feel, which echoes my statements about how he has been too cranky this season. but i can't even laugh because the man is in Distress.

he goes back to his place after saying he needs "to do more than just wave his hands", and he's bouncing a basketball and putting tape on his windows. i get it. that oppressive feeling of being unable to sit still. every moment dragging like a lifetime. bounce bounce bounce. he wakes up and rips the tape off his windows.

and back to attending to her bedside. i do not think this man has been clocking into his shift at the fbi.

we see a fellow enter wearing a suit and carrying flowers and i was like oh shit is it last rites time? um. so maybe i don't know what gets worn to a last rites event. i realize my weakness in this area and will do some research when we're done here.

but it's not anyone here to do that- it's frohike, the guy from the lone gunman who was making weird comments about scully! he must have come to pay his last respects. he picks up a clipboard and i thought oh my gosh he's gonna start reciting poetry- but he notices something weird on her chart and sneaks it out

it seems the whole thing was orchestrated, because mulder goes back to the freaks at the lone gunman, who invite him to come over and watch earth 2 and point out the factual inaccuracies- which, all things considered, is very sweet- but they send her blood data to a hacker that uses a richard nixon persona and he says that yeah, her blood is weird. and mulder's like, is she gonna make it, and they say no. it got very somber.

in terms of scully view, we see her on this dock of a boat between life and death. i thought that was nice imagery, and extremely eerie. those around her bedside are on one side of the dock, and it looks like the rope could snap and drift away at any moment.

the nurse comes in to do some blood work and i have another "augh blood" moment. so i look away. and mulder is REALLY pondering her blood. i thought he was honestly gonna take it for himself, maybe bring it in for testing or keep it like an emo.

but no! a strange man in a suit STEALS the blood!

so mulder is back into track star mode and is SPRINTING after this guy. i always forget that he is a runner. and he is RUNNING around this hospital and makes it to the parking lot until...

he is stopped by deep throat 2.0, a man for whom i realize i have no other name. but you know who i'm referring to, right? so i guess that name will work for now. deep throat 2.0 says that mulder needs to stop NOW, and that HE got deep throat 1.0 AND scully killed by looking into things too hard. which is an absolutely awful thing to say btw. deep throat 2.0 has a gun to mulder's head and says to stop searching.

mulder proceeds to run after the blood thief despite these warnings. can't say i blame him. he finds the blood thief!!! and they have a bit of a fight until...

deep throat 2.0, who earlier said he wanted to remain out of this mess, rolls up? so we're getting mixed messages here. and he says i'll take care of this and SHOOTS THE BLOOD THIEF?????? in the head.

back to the hospital. mulder is not pleased about the prospect of life support being removed but melissa says he has to honor her wishes. and he's going on about the blood protein and the doctor is like "why do you think this has anything to do with blood protein" and he Does Not Explain

her mom calls him "fox" again and says this is a moment for the family, but he can come too. and he won't come in. he's the wettest and saddest a man has ever looked as they go in there. and then the rope holding her to the dock of the afterlife is severed.

man. if i had been a contemporary viewer i would have been sobbing. thank god i've seen gifsets that prove this wasn't the end for her. because if i hadn't, i would have been in shambles. i mean i Was in shambles but like i would have been bawling on the floor.

cig man is with skinner. i honestly didn't think we'd get up to any sort of fbi related tasks in this episode, but he hands skinner a report and leaves. and then mulder comes in and denies being involved with the shootout at the hospital

(it's worth noting that he is doing all the denying to be an ass to skinner, and yells about "how does it feel, all the denial")

and he says that it was "cancer man" who took scully. i had been calling him cigarette man, but cancer man is very comparable.

the next thing i wrote was "SKINNER IS A BITCH????" this was because he said that mulder is "just as responsible" as cancer man for scully's situation if he knew the risks of this line of work and didn't warn her.

skinner baby YOU CAN'T SAY THAT? seriously i cannot figure this guy out. every time i think i have a read on him he does something like this that shifts my interpretation. what a horrible thing to say to someone.

cut to scully cam. she's on a table in metaphysical land. and her dad is there. he calls her starbuck and refers to himself as ahab- so the first mate and the captain. and he's monologuing about how he never knew how much he loved her until he realized he could never be with her again, and he says they'll be together "soon", but not now. so i'm wondering if she can hear all of this going on. i would guess so.

mulder is in the cafeteria with melissa and she is trying to talk a bit of sense into him. she says "you could spend the rest of your life finding every person that's responsible and its still not gonna bring her back" and he replies "including myself?"

now usually i would say that mulder taking the blame upon himself is tragic and typical, but here, having it also been implied by skinner AND deep throat 2.0, i am thinking, man, he's got to really believe it, even more so than all the other times he couldn't save everyone. which is. fucked up. so immensely fucked up. i'm sorry you pissed me off last episode baby but we can go to the zoo again like i planned. let's go see some tigers and cheer you up.

a woman walks in and asks him for change for the "cigarette machine", which was the first time in my life i have ever heard the term "cigarette machine", so maybe the earth really is healing

but he finds a pack with an address in it, and then, straight from my notes:

"CIG MAN'S HOUSE. OH MULDER IS THERE AND POINTING A GUN AT HIM. AND ALSO SCREAMING. "why her" oh his finger gets very close to the trigger"

cig man says he likes her and mulder, and. wow. what a despicable human being. he says that he likes mulder more for showing up to his place with a gun. says he's playing the game. mulder seems to have a realization he is acting just like those he swore to destroy and puts the gun down. cig man says it'll be their secret. and also that he was the one that told skinner that mulder shot the guy in the hospital even though he didn't think it was true.

we next see mulder sadly tapping at his computer. he prints a one sentence resignation letter "effective immediately" NOT even a two week's notice, that's how bad they fucked this man up

skinner comes by and says it's unacceptable while mulder is packing all of his things. and mulder says:

"i hate what i've become"

man. fuck. he hates the rage he has been driven to. the loss of control. the way he sees himself as being responsible for deep throat and scully. and all of it stemming from his need for answers, to track down his sister. he hates what that feeling of insufficiency has led him to and the path he now walks upon. hates it. hates his situation and himself and the world.

skinner decides to share some personal story time: he went off to vietnam- willingly enlisting on his 18th birthday. and then while he was there he shot a kid who was covered in grenades. the camera glances back at mulder occasionally, who, despite all of his grief, seems to be consulting his oxford training to try and remember what you're supposed to say to a guy who just told you he killed a child in vietnam.

and then he says he watched all his friends die and that he almost died- he was put in a body bag, and was in a coma for two weeks- and he was too scared to learn what happens next. but mulder isn't. and that's why his resignation is unacceptable.

mulder adds things up and realizes that it was skinner that gave him cancer man's location. again. complicating the vibe i get from skinner in doing something positive now. he says that every day is a risk.

deep throat 2.0 rolls up, saying that the people who did this to scully are going to break into his apartment tonight, and he'll have to kill them. he looks displeased by this- aversion to taking any sort of lives- but resigns himself to it.

so he's in his place in the dark ready to start blasting, when he gets a knock on the door. and it's melissa.

this is where we get the iconic exchange "why is it so dark in here?" "because the lights aren't on" which made me laugh so thoroughly seeing it out of context before i ever decided to watch this show

and melissa is MAD. scully is weakening, and she came to get him to say his goodbyes, but he won't go because. well. shootout is about to go down. this is his ONE chance to learn who did this to scully. but she doesn't know that is why he won't leave, so she YELLS at him, about being in a place even darker than her sister, and asks "why is it so much easier for you to run around trying to get even than just expressing to her how you feel? i expect more from you. dana expects more from you"

and man. those words are heavy. he locks the door, knowing that his place is gonna be robbed, and that he'll never know who hurt her, and comes down to see her.

and he's talking to her. holding her hand. saying he's here. he doesn't know if it'll change anything, but he's here.

when he goes home, his place is entirely ransacked, and he falls to the ground crying. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. i can't even put into words how bad this broke me. big strong mulder weeping on the ground, his career in shambles and his best friend dead.

i feel like i need to pause there just for how heavy it was. like this was his lowest low. lower than even vampire sex.

but he soon gets a call and he smiles so wide!!! and we learn her eyes are open!! it is the sweetest smile i have ever seen!!!!!!

he gets down to the hospital and she's awake and talking- but she doesn't remember anything- and he, being the insufferable man that he is, says the following:

"i brought you a present (holds up a vhs tape) superstars of the superbowls"

man. man. man. man. she deadpans so quickly. "i knew there was a reason to live"

he must have grabbed a random tape off his shelf and brought it to her with the express intent of antagonizing her back in the realm of the living. and he thought of something to say along with it on the car ride down, his hands shaking. something, anything to make her laugh. a stupid vhs tape. his constant sports references. her quick tongue. oh dear lord help me these two have ruined me.

he gives scully her necklace back, which i wrote about in all caps, while her mother and sister watch

and then we learn that the nurse who was taking special care of her was never actually there when scully wants to thank her and the other nurse is like "um no one who works here has that name" so. SCULLY PARANORMAL EXPERIENCE (POSITIVE)??!?!?!?

overall. man. i am experiencing such a volume of emotions. what the hell. she's back, though. and we saw how much she means to him. and i feel like i could type a million words on the subject but i don't even know what to say because they're still all stuck in my chest. they love each other sososo much.

will he ever tell her what he did in her absence? how he tried to quit? how he broke every rule trying to save her? how he screamed at the doctors, how he broke into cigarette man's house, how he almost pulled the trigger? how he watched a man die when deep throat 2.0 shot him? how he was blamed for her condition by himself and by others? how he left his apartment to be ransacked, giving up his one chance to catch whoever did this to her, to try and let go of his grief and be with her instead? or will he keep quiet except for the latest witticisms and frequent visits and presents and stories by her bedside while she gains strength and recovers?

and how he left, too, when he knew she was okay. how he must have wanted to be there more than anything in the world, but knew she needed to rest, so he left her with her family. how he could breathe easy again. how he had to make it seem like it was cool, and everything was contained.

man. this tv show. i just typed all of those words out and i still feel like i didn't even begin to cover the things i'm feeling. i feel like i need to shake them up and down.

but this should be good, because the x files are reopened... so are we seriously, as the kids say, so back? only time will tell!

[allaboardthevespa]

Unconditionally

I got bored, and I suddenly felt the urge to write some really sappy (with some angst) Milo Murphy’s Law fluff. I know who Melissa should end up with is a matter of debate, but I’m a proud Team Zalissa member so this fanfic will be about that. Milossa or Bradlissa fans, sorry, but hope you can enjoy this nonetheless. I wasn’t sure what to call this at first, but I listened to the Katy Perry song “Unconditionally” and my brain was like YES so here.

I’m not proud of how this ends, but eh, my brain sucks at ending things. Just hope y’all enjoy this bit of adorable sickfic fluff ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

WARNING: contains relatively graphic scenes of vomit…and becomes extremely tooth-rotting fluff

-- 

It was an ordinary day in Danville – or as ordinary as it could be with the Murphy family’s usual chaos. Milo and Zack’s walk to school had been a heck of a ride, as usual. Runaway concrete pipes, surfing on busted plumbing, falling off cliffs, the whole nine yards. But, as is the norm for Milo Murphy and his friends, everything worked out and they got to school in the nick of time.

 But of course, it didn’t take long for them to realize someone was missing.

 As the students sat in class waiting for Ms. Murawski, Milo looked between him and Zack and noticed a conspicuously empty seat. “Hey, wait a minute,” asked the jinx, “Where’s Melissa?” “I have no idea,” replied Zack, scratching the back of his head in confusion. The other students surrounding them began chattering among themselves, wondering what could’ve happened to the rough-and-tumble redhead. “Maybe she blocked one of her chakras?” Mort suggested with a shrug. Bradley facepalmed, “Mort, she’s not a hippie like you are. She doesn’t do chakras.” “MAYBE DRAKO GOT HER!” panicked Chad, shivering like a leaf and covering his head with his hands. “Don’t panic, everyone,” Amanda cut in, “Knowing what happens in this town, she’s probably caught up in time-travel shenanigans to save a cart of pistachios or something.”

 “Pipe down, class!” came an adult voice. The kids turned to see Ms. Murawski entering the room, just hanging up a phone. “I know you’ve all noticed that Melissa Chase is missing today. Well, it’s simple. She’s just come down with a stomach ache and can’t come in today. No matter, she’ll be able to catch up some other day.” She took out a pencil, “Now, turn your textbooks to page 421.”

 As the other students got to reading, Milo turned to look at Melissa’s empty chair. “That’s too bad,” he sighed, “I don’t even remember the last time she got sick.” He turned to look out the window. “Poor Melissa. She must be feeling pretty down right now.” “Yeah…” Zack agreed, looking crestfallen. “I wish I could help out.” “Well, if you want to, you could,” Amanda suddenly spoke up, “It’s just a little science work, you don’t need to worry about missing it. I think Melissa would be happy to have a little company today.” “Yeah,” Milo agreed with Amanda, “Besides…I’m sure you would love to have a little…” He cleared his throat sarcastically, before giving a smug grin, “Quality time with her.” “Oh, of course,” laughed Amanda, as snickers and ‘oooooh’s went up around the rest of the classroom. Zack flushed a beet-red, flustered by Milo’s joke. “Yes, yes, I’m aware of the, ahem, ‘chemistry’,” he chuckled bashfully, “Alrighty. If you think I should go hang out with her, I’ll go. She could use the company.” “You go, Zack!” cheered Milo, as Zack went to Murawski’s beloved front desk.

 “Excuse me, Ms…may I be excused? I need to use the restroom,” Zack innocently asked, hiding his lie expertly well. “Fine, very well,” Murawski huffed, “Just don’t get lost.” “Thanks, Ms,” he chirped, waving goodbye to the students as he left the room. The moment he slipped out, he scanned the halls for the arrow sign that was labeled “Way Out”, and the minute he saw it, he scampered in that direction. He heard hall monitors yelling at him to not run in the halls, but he couldn’t give less of a damn. Detention could wait. He had a friend to help.

 --

 After a lot of running and following directions on his phone, Zack had arrived in the street where Melissa and her single father lived. Seeing Mr. Chase standing outside his house watering a bush, Zack got on his way to talk to him when he suddenly noticed a butterfly flitting in front of him. Zack watched it fly upwards and noticed it settle on a tree branch covered in wisteria flowers – and an idea registered in Zack’s mind. He reached up and grabbed a small branch covered in a healthy amount of the flowers, wrapped the wood in some tissue paper he brought with him, and wrapped a bow around the flowers to keep them straight. Holding tightly onto the bouquet, he soon made it to the house he was looking for.

 As Mr. Chase was minding his own business, watering that bush, he heard a familiar voice. “Hey, Mr. Chase!” He turned off the hose and whipped around to see Zack, politely standing at his gate with a bouquet of wisteria flowers in hand. “Oh, hello, Zack,” greeted the firefighter, “I imagine you heard about my daughter?” “Yeah, tough break,” Zack replied in a sympathetic tone. “When I heard, I thought I could come down and cheer her up.” “Oh, how nice,” Mr. Chase smiled, “Melissa doesn’t get sick often, but she’s always miserable when she does. I think she’ll be happy to have a friend with her.” “I thought so too,” Zack nodded, following his crush’s father to the door. “Thanks for letting me come around,” he thanked with a grateful wave. “No problem,” the older man replied, “Any friend of my daughter’s is a friend of mine. Hope you two have fun.” “Bye, Mr. Chase,” Zack waved at him as he walked up the stairs to his friend’s room.

 --

 It had not been a fun morning for Melissa. When she awoke, the stomach pain had hit her in full force, and it didn’t take long for her father to realize how out of sorts she was. Neither of them liked when she got sick, but Melissa had a special hatred for the concept of illness. She was a real go-getter, and the thought of having to stay in bed for hours on end and not enjoy her usual hobbies made her feel even sicker than she was already.

 But the worst part of being sick in bed is that, without her mind being preoccupied by daily events caused by school and Murphy’s Law, it tended to wander to some uncomfortable places…and asked some tough questions she didn’t know if she had the answers to.

 Was Milo always gonna be able to keep himself prepared for every situation? 

Will his bad luck come to bite him in a way he can’t protect himself from?

Should she even be asking these questions?

Would Milo WANT her asking these questions?

 The internal crisis she was having made the stress she had grow all the more, and her stomach’s pain intensified with it.

 Melissa was holding her head in distress and shutting her eyes tightly, in a vain attempt to block out those awful questions, when she heard her door creak open. Reluctantly, she slowly opened one of her eyes…and suddenly her heart skipped a beat at who she saw waiting for her in the doorway. She gently pulled herself up from her hunched state as her eyes met his, and gently mumbled “Z-Zack? Is that…really you?” Zack let out a quiet laugh, “Of course it’s me, buddy. I heard you were sick, and I knew I had to be there for you. You are my best friend, after all.” Melissa didn’t notice it, but her cheeks were heating up with a bright red blush as the compliment warmed her heart and soul. “You…really mean that?” she asked, giving a genuine smile. Zack couldn’t help blushing himself at the sight of Melissa giving him a sweet, happy smile with her cheeks tinged red. It was completely adorable.

 To respond to her question, Zack revealed the bouquet of wisteria flowers he’d picked on his way. “If I didn’t mean it, would I get you these?” He approached her in her bed and gently knelt down to her level, “Milo’s told me you love flowers, so when I saw these in your neighborhood, I figured I’d get you a little something.” Melissa gave an adorably surprised gasp, then, as quickly as she could, reached over to grab the bouquet with a cute little giggle. “Wow, I…” she stammered, caressing some of the petals, “That’s really sweet of you.” “It’s the least I could do for you being such a great friend,” Zack responded, watching happily as his best friend held the wisteria bouquet to her chest and face and inhaled deeply. “I’m glad you like them.” “Thanks, Zack,” Melissa gave him the cutest smile ever, “I’m glad you’re here for me.” “Well,” responded the former boyband member, “What are best friends for?”

 --

 From then on, in the following hours, the two best friends made the most of their time together. The two played all sorts of games, shared all sorts of stories, and just being two kids happy in one another’s company. Zack enjoyed every moment, yet throughout it all he couldn’t stop himself taking his eyes off his best friend. Her smile warmed his heart, her giggles were absolutely adorable, and every so often she’d briefly stop what she was doing, turn around and smell the flowers he’d brought her, now sat comfortably in a vase on her bedside table. That was another thing he found to be adorable. It wasn’t often that he saw the redhead able to just loosen up and be a goofball when they weren’t busy trying to stop Murphy’s Law from causing mayhem, but when they got the chance to just be kids, it was something both of them made the most of.

 It was during a quiet break from their fun that things began to take an unexpected turn.

 Zack was watching his best friend cuddled up in her bed, stroking her hair gently, when an uncomfortable-sounding groan emitted from her stomach, and she abruptly shot up and looked at him with a deer-in-the-headlights look. “What’s the matter?” asked Zack, gently grasping her hands. “I…I dunno,” Melissa panted, before she clutched her stomach out of instinct. “I…I’ve never felt l-like this…” She took a shaky breath, “But I feel like I…ugh!” She cringed, and without thinking raised a hand to her mouth. Zack connected the dots right away. He didn’t think they’d be able to make it to the bathroom fast enough at this point. Luckily, his eyes floated to a spare empty flower vase not yet filled with wysterias or whatever other flowers she liked. It wasn’t perfect, but it’d do. He scrambled over and grabbed it, before giving it to Melissa, and sat next to her once more.

 Melissa opened her mouth to say something, but abruptly, she hunched herself over and heaved unpleasantly. Zack couldn’t help cringing, but he knew he had to provide some semblance of comfort. It looked like this was a new experience for her. He gently rubbed her back as each painful retch came, making sure she knew he was there for her even in a time like this. Melissa’s mind didn’t register much else in that moment other than the horrible feeling of her throat and stomach expunging the nasty liquid from her body, and, in sharp contrast, the warm, soft, gentle touch of her best friend.

 In reality, it only took 30 seconds for the retching to stop. To Melissa, it felt like an eternity. Nonetheless, when she was sure she was done, she pulled her head back from the vase and wiped her brow as she set the now puke-filled vase aside. She breathed heavily in an attempt to clear her mind, as what just happened played itself over and over again in her head. She’d never experienced something like that before, and she never wanted to again. Luckily, though, she had her best friend right nearby. Getting a little closer to the sickly go-getter, Zack gently asked her “How do you feel?” Coughing a little, Melissa turned to Zack with a look of pure pain in her eyes. “I…I…” she wiped her brow again, “What…was that? T-that was horrible…” “Relax, Melissa,” Zack did his best to comfort her, “You just vomited. No big deal, it happens to you sometimes if you’re stomach-sick.” “B-But I…” the redhead whimpered, “Th-that hasn’t happened to me before…My dad told me about it when I was super young, and cuz I don’t get sick that often…I never THOUGHT it would happen…” She sighed, “Man, I feel like a dummy now.” Feeling his heart hurt for Melissa’s sorry state, Zack pulled her into a hug, “Hey…you’re no dummy. If this is your first time ever vomiting, no wonder your mind’s in a daze like this. You’ll be alright. You’re always alright, aren’t you?” He put a hand on one of her shoulders and comfortingly looked into her beautiful blue eyes.

 Until she said two words that threw him for a loop…

 “Not really.”

 Zack’s mind took a moment to register what Melissa had just said. Those two, little, mumbled words. “Not really.” What was she implying? Was it what Zack was thinking? No, there’s no way, Melissa was the toughest girl he’d ever known. But, why else would she say that? Gently, he got closer to her, and gently gazed into her eyes, ignoring the blush on his face, and asked “What do you mean by…’not really’?” Melissa flinched a little, not knowing where to begin. The questions in her mind were roaring to get out, and she had to let someone know. She was tired of suffering in silence.

 At that moment, Melissa gently grabbed Zack’s shoulders and began to speak, knowing he’d be there to listen.

 And all the words came flying out.

 “…Zack, I’m scared. I’ve always BEEN scared. Ever since I became Milo’s best friend, I’ve always been worrying myself like crazy about him, worrying that someday he’s gonna get caught in some insane Murphy’s Law accident that he’s not ready for and he’ll get hurt��or worse. And I know it’s really fucking stupid cause it’s goddamn Milo and he’s ALWAYS prepared, but I can’t help myself. And I just feel like a big jerk because Milo wouldn’t WANT me to be worried about him all the time. He’s…fine with the way things are and doesn’t want them to change…but…” She took a shaky breath, and sighed lowly, “I do.” Zack now reached up and rubbed her shoulders as she continued talking, “I don’t want Milo to be stuck with Murphy’s Law. I want him to live and be happy, without always having to look over his shoulder in case of stampeding bison or angry crossing guards or other shit like that. But Milo…he just doesn’t want that…and I feel like a selfish idiot who tries to act like she knows what’s best for everyone…but…” She glanced up, and Zack’s heart leapt at what he saw…

 The toughest, smartest kid he’d known in his life…strong, brave, a born leader with a near-permanent smile…

 She was crying.

 “I just…” she whimpered, not even bothering to wipe away the hot tears streaking down her face, “I feel like such a selfish jackass who doesn’t know what Milo or even you want in your lives…I just don’t want to lose him, or you, or anyone…” She shut her eyes tightly and let a fresh wave of tears out, “And I’ve been lying to you about how I’ve been feeling this whole time…because I just don’t want you guys to see what a fucking mess I really am!” “You’re not a mess-” Zack tried to interrupt, only for Melissa to cut him off. “No, don’t…don’t keep the lie going any longer than it has to…” she sobbed, “I act like I’m tough, but…I’m just a terrified wreck of a person who can’t stand the thought of losing the people she cares about…that’s me. That’s selfish, paranoid, obnoxious Melissa Lily Chase…”

 With that, the broken redhead turned away and started sobbing all-out into her hands, her limbs shaking with every loud sob echoing from her body. She could feel the burn of hot tears rushing down her face, dripping from the tip of her nose onto her bed. Between every choked sob, she tried to take some breaths as if to calm herself, but all attempts failed as the tears kept on coming.

 With every sob Melissa let out, Zack could feel his heart sink a little more. There was a part of him who still couldn’t believe this. How long had Melissa been keeping these feelings at bay? Did she really think that badly of herself just for being worried about Milo? His mind raced with questions, but he honestly couldn’t give less of a damn about getting the answers. All that mattered to him was giving support to someone who very badly needed it.

 Without hesitation, Zack gently put his arms around Melissa’s back, gently rubbing her side with one hand and stroking her hair with the other. It took a moment for Melissa to register what Zack was doing, but the moment she did, she felt her muscles gently ease up at the feeling of his warm embrace. She could still feel her cheeks and nose wet from all the crying she’d been doing, and flushed a little in embarrassment. “I, uh…” she tried to break the silence, “I’m sorry you had to see me like this.” “You don’t need to apologize,” Zack told her gently, “I just wonder why you hadn’t spoken up about your feelings before. Milo’s an understanding guy, he’d be happy to listen to your worries.” “I just…” she sniffled, “I just don’t want Milo to start worrying about what goes on in my head all the time…and I don’t wanna seem like a controlling bitch.” Without warning, Zack put a hand over her mouth the moment she said the word “bitch”. He turned Melissa around to look at him and looked intently into her eyes, and spoke his mind.

 “Listen to me, Melissa. You are not a ‘bitch’. You have never been a bitch. You’re worrying yourself that you’re a terrible person because you actually want what’s best for Milo! There’s nothing wrong with that. I know Milo is fine with the way things are but if you’re not, that’s completely okay. We may not be able to change Murphy’s Law, but we’ll always be able to help Milo throughout everything, and I know that cuz you’ve been doing that for seven years now, and I know you can keep doing that.” He gave her the warmest smile he could manage, despite the fact he now had tears of his own welling up in his eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with being scared, Melissa – as long as you don’t let it change who you are.”

 In that moment, both 13-year-olds found themselves gazing into one another’s tearful eyes. Then, without another word, Melissa got closer to Zack and collapsed into his arms, wrapping her arms around his back. It didn’t take long for Zack to return the embrace, rubbing her back gently to soothe her emotions. They stayed there, in silence, for what felt like hours. Neither of them said a word. They didn’t have to, not right now at least. All they needed right now was right in front of them.

 After so long of being locked in that embrace, Melissa pulled back a little, wiping one more tear from her face, before gently cupping her hands around Zack’s own face and tilted his head up so their eyes could lock once more. Both of them smiled tenderly as the tension that was in their minds evaporated.

Of course, there was just one more thing Melissa felt the need to say…

 “Hey,” she whispered, getting Zack’s full attention. She now moved her hands down to gently clasp his own, and gave him a soft smile, grateful for all of what he’d done for her, not just today but in all the time they’d spent together in the past. She took one more deep breath as if to mentally prepare herself, and spoke the three magic words.

 “I love you.”

 There was a brief moment where Zack felt surprised, but that quickly gave way to an indescribable feeling of happiness, and it didn’t take long for him to respond.

 “I love you too.”

 Without hesitating for a moment, the tomboyish nerd and the dorky jock soon embraced one another in a long, soft kiss, tears of joy now streaming down their faces. Zack brought a hand up to gently caress Melissa’s cheek while Melissa put her arms around his back, deepening the kiss further.

 Once they needed to break for oxygen, the two gently separated their lips, still having their noses touching. Suddenly a knock sounded at the door, and both of them flushed a bit before scrambling off each other – but they were still smiling widely after their passionate love display. The door opened and revealed Mr. Chase with a large cup of tea in hand. “Here you go, sweetie,” he spoke, bringing it over to his daughter, “I made you some tea. See if it helps your stomach.” “Thanks, Dad,” Melissa giggled a little in response. Zack couldn’t help blushing a little at how adorable he found that little laugh of hers. Mr. Chase now thought back to earlier and cringed a little, “I heard what sounded like vomiting earlier. Isn’t that your first time? I hope everything’s okay.” Melissa gave an awkward shrug, “It was scary at first, but…it wasn’t so bad. Especially since Zack was with me.” A sincere smile crossed her face, as she looked over at her best friend-turned-boyfriend, then at her loving father. “I know it sounds weird, but…this has been one of the happiest days I’ve had in a long time. Thank you both, so much. I’m so glad I have you both and Milo and everyone else in my life.” Zack and Mr. Chase now both brought Melissa into a group hug, and the former Lumberzack gently thanked her himself, “And thank you for being in ours.”

The End

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

(x)

[loveu001]

wc: 866

Formed By a Rumor- OO1/PETER X READER

TRIGGERS: ABUSIVE BF, ABUSE, BLOOD, OTHER STUFF. PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT TRIGGERS YALL

Chapter one 

    A rumor is going around at the lab with you and 001. A rumor that you guys are dating and stuff. Which you arent of course.. I mean why would you? He's super attractive and charming and you always have had a teeny tiny crush on him, but nothing major.

He's one of your best friends at the lab. You start to wonder what would make people think that, But then it all starts flooding in. He was really flirty with you, like VERY flirty.

He would always give you little forehead and cheek kisses but you guys weren't actually dating him. Yeah you found him really hot and junk but you never had the guts to start a convo with him. He would always be the one to come up to you and get you all hot and bothered. 

   You were eating your lunch with your other co-worker friends at the lab and melissa brought up you and peter since it was the HOT TOPIC at the lab right now which made you annoyed  like why can these snot nose fuckers talk about something else. “So, how are you and peter? Did he propose yet?”

She had to be joking. HIM?!  PROPOSING TO YOU? That almost made you bust out laughing, but you held it in. You clear your throat and say, “err we are NOT dating..and no he erm didn't propose.” They just shrugged it off and got back to their conversation about how annoying the little kids here at the lab are.

You could feel Peter staring through your head. He didn't have feelings for you..yet.  He just loved seeing you get all flustered and a hot mess. It got him hard kind of, not in a ‘i wanna screw you’ way. He just liked seeing your reactions. It was kinda a kink of his.

   You guys didn't really interact around other fellow co-workers now that a rumor was going around. “Cmon sweetheart” he groaned. You loved these cute, adorable nicknames he gave you. They were kinda embarrassing though. When he used that baby talk tone with you.

“No buts, i'm tired of people asking if we are dating! It is starting to get on my nerves peter.” you sighed. “But they know we arent!! I'm just giving them what they want.” He exclaimed. You thought to yourself, what the fuck is he talking about. What they want. What the hell could they possibly want from us.

First off, they have never paid any attention to me. I was just another whore at the lab to them, AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON PETER. Everyone thinks hes the ultimate sex god or something. Listen, i dont know or care but he is honestly one of the most, bitchy, hot, teasing, annoying fucker ive EVERR met. I love him and all but overall its a love hate relationship.

“Whatever, I'm going home.” you argue. Home? What's that? You were currently living in an apartment. Brenner underpaid you but honestly, you didn't give a shit. Anything to be away from your abusive boyfriend you couldn't get away from. His name is Mark, AKA, the man you hated the most. You go home just to get beat with bear bottles.

You screamed and cried. But no one seemed to give a shit. You just had to take this abuse because there was nothing you could do. No one you could go to. Because no one had fucking cared. You wanted out of this relationship so badly. But if you left, he would kill you. That's what he said at least, and you didn't doubt it one bit. 

    At work the next day, you tried your best to cover up the bruises and cuts. They still stung. Even with the pain killers. I guess he meant it when he said he was gonna make your life hell. Because this sure hurt like hell. You were hurting all over. So badly it felt painful to even walk or sit down. No one even seemed a little concerned. Peter had got in late.

He couldn't even see the cuts because you covered them so well. You had gotten so good at covering them because this had happened so many times. You were ashamed of having this talent. You were never supposed to get this good at it. But he had noticed that you were limping a bit. “Oh my love.. Who did this…?” he whispers, so no one else would hear. “..” you stayed silent.

You were so scared to say who did this. Besides, he doesn't even know you have a boyfriend. (if you would even call it that.) He looks you in the eyes and gives a soft smile. “Don't tell me you tripped or some bullshit story. Darling, please tell me who did this to your beautiful body.” You were terrified of him. You had known Mark for years.  It didn't start off like this though. He used to be so sweet and comforting to you. He had always made you think that its your fault that he was like this. And you did think that. 

Chapter two

COMING SOON!!

[sometimesanalice]

You will never know just how excited I get to see these updates! It’s like the best kind of homecoming getting more and more of them! I root for them and I love their journey!

More for you!

It’s February 25th, and Bradley has sweat dripping down his back…His neck is the worst of it; the skin is scorching from thirteen sets of eyes burning into him. Steadfastly ignoring all of them, he tries to focus all of his attention on the presentation happening up front.— omg this part sent me!! I love have you lulled us into thinking he had been busted for something and then BOOM! That man can’t keep his smart girl kink under control! That man is praying to everything he can think of to try and not get a hard-on, I just know it.

Bradley has always liked smart girls. - SMART BOY LIKE SMART GIRLS THATS THE LAW

But it’s a whole new level of attraction, watching Mary talk so competently and confidently about the inner workings of the multi-million-dollar planes he flies every day.- Mary kink 🤝 smart girl kink 🤝 f/a-18 kink

He almost had to excuse himself yesterday when she had an entire page’s worth of suggestions for hardware and software improvements. Today has been exponentially worse, because Mary has deviated from her typical attire of simple but professional clothes. Today, she’s paired a black pencil skirt with three-inch stilettos. — THE MAN IS FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE

It’s like she’s trying to kill me.— but the idea of Mary picking out an outfit with him in mind??!! 🫠🫠🫠

There are no hops scheduled for today, so the Dagger Squad is wearing their khaki uniforms, the least forgiving material, and the last thing he needs is to get hard while listening to his girl spout corporate buzzwords to satisfy the brass from Washington.— AH THERE IT IS!! we were BAMBOOZLED out of many things in TGM and Bradley in his khakis (and full dress uniform AND his whites AND AND AND)

Unfortunately, Mary says the words “stick handling” while making direct eye contact with him and he chokes, spluttering and dripping water down his shirt as he coughs. Half the heads in the room swing in his direction, and he genuienly might burst into flames when he makes eye contact with his uncles; one looking concerned, the other highly amused.— P L E A S E I A M W H E E Z I N G S O S H E L P T H I S I S S O F U C K I N G F U N N Y (he’s like I’m a grown man, I’m not laughing like a 13 year old, but y’all don get it, she LOOKED AT ME) 😂😂😂😂😂

Bradley grabs his phone, wallet, and Mary’s purse before locking the door behind him, anticipating this becoming a multi-hour thing.— oh he’s so hot for this

He's more on edge now than any mission he’s flown.— that man is in bath and body works trying to pick out whatever body wash is the closest to her perfume and getting off in the shower with it and I can’t be convinced otherwise

He’s caught her staring at his mouth several times, her chocolate eyes shyly meeting his when she realizes she’s been made.— oh he’s so smug! He’s sending her a little wink every time it happens too. Legally.

Bradley makes his way toward the front, heading directly for Mary to ask her to eat lunch with him. In her office. Alone. With the door locked.- oh I love feral at his wits end Bradley. He is my everything.

“Lieutenant Bradshaw!” She also can’t get his rank correct, which irks Bradley, and tallies yet another point against her. — he’s BUSY Melissa. He has plans to make out with his best babe before their appointment at the courthouse, his afternoon is BOOKED

Bradley feels himself go hot, heat racing up his neck at hearing his full rank come from her mouth. He ignores his uncle, refusing to look at him, already knowing a shit-eating grin is spreading across his dumb face.— he’s so huffy 🥰🥰🥰

“He’s the one that gave me the flight school sweatshirt with my call sign on it - I think you’ve seen me wear that, right?”— STOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP ohmygodohmygodohmygod

“Tomato, potato.” His uncle turns to him, his grin even bigger. “She always loved that photo I have of you on my bookshelf…..“Oh my god…” Bradley looks at the ceiling, cursing who is listening for making his parents' generation technologically savvy.- oh I loved this whole section! I love how they were always destined to meet! And I love Bradley’s big extended family, it makes me 🥹🥹🥹

“I’m not going to give you a shovel talk because I can tell how much you care about her. Though, had I known that she was the one you were acting like such an idiot about a few weeks ago, I would have flown out here early just to kick your ass. But I will tell you how much I love that girl; she’s like another kid to me, just like you are. So be careful, communicate, and do your best not to hurt each other.”— MY HEART UNCLE SLIDERRRRR!!! I love how closely he has Mary tucked under his wing because her family sure isn’t it. MY BABESSSSS

“Ohhh! Look at how red you are, baby goose! Are you hoping it’s something dirty?”//“I’m walking away.”//“Your call sign should have been tomato!” — AHHHH THE TEASING THE RIBBING THE POKING FUN IM TOO DELICATE FOR THIS THATS MY BB

whoever she’s talking to with her “I’m calm, but just barely” voice— I love how he’s cataloguing these little things about her, that he knows the certain tones of her voice because he’s always been paying attention 🥰

He loves Mary’s office, even though it technically sucks…a loveseat that has seen more than a few naps from the Dagger Squad. Bradley’s favorite part is the large windows that give a perfect view of the airfield, from the tower all the way to the end of the runway and the ocean. — he loves it because it’s herssssss, he’s such a simp I love him. But also I love that the dagger make themselves at home there too!

Bradley sits up straighter, wrapping one arm around her waist to pull her onto his lap while the other grips her thigh to tug her legs over his other thigh. Mary’s free hand wraps around his shoulder, immediately playing with the short hair at the back of his neck, sending goosebumps across his skin.— okokokokokkokokokok 😮‍💨

His hand slips under the hem of her skirt when she leans back into his chest— 🫠🫠🫠

Bradley doesn’t get a chance to respond because Mary is pressing their lips together. — YES MY BEST BABE YOU GET YOUR MAN FINALLLLYYYYYYY

Time feels syrupy, slow and sweet, matching their pace. It’s taken them ages to get here, their first kiss, but there’s no rush, no urgency. It’s comfortable - loving - like they’ve been doing this for years.— shhhhuuuutttttuuuuppppppp oh my god this is so romanticccc! Oh they deserve it alllll!!

Mary nods, panting and looking gorgeous with her flushed cheeks. “I hate pantyhose, and it’s so much easier to just wear the garter belt.”//“Garter be-” He groans loudly, thankful no contractors are occupying the neighboring offices. “Fuck, Mary. Jesus Christ, you’re so goddamn sexy.”— I love how she’s just being pragmatic and he’s like on his deathbed. The man’s last string has snapped, the brain cells have left to building. The thigh highs did him in!

He undoes her top two buttons and tugs the collar aside to nip at her collarbone, perfume invading his senses.— HEAVEN HELP ME THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME. THIS IS TOO HOT, OH THIS MAN IS SO DESPERATE FOR ANY CRUMB OF HER AND IM SO HERE FOR IT 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵

He knows he’s not thinking entirely straight, but he doesn’t think it would. He could spritz his pillow and fall asleep every night to the same sweet citrus and floral notes he’s smelling now. — THIS MAN THIS MAN THIS MAN

“Don’t kiss anyone while you’re gone.”— ma’am as if he can even form sentence after you’ve scrambled his brain and rocked his world, as ifffff he’d even imagine kissing anyone else. YOURE IT BABYYYY

“You’ve wanted to kiss me since we met?”— duh Bradley as if you weren’t dreaming about the same thing! Two peas in a pod 🫛

It’s a good thing his uncle can’t see them through the frosted glass; they look guilty as hell, like two teenagers who got caught making out in the backseat.- 🥰🥵🥰🥵🥰🥵🥰 they’re so cute, now I need them to revisit Mary’s cute pink couch please and thank you

“Good boy. Take a few minutes if you need to!” This time, the silhouette walks all the way down the hall, laughing and whistling to himself the entire way.— HES SO SAVAGE AND IM DYINGGGG ROAST HIMMM THATS HIS UNCLEEEEE THATS HIS FAMILYYYYYY

“You would think one of us would have learned after the first time it happened. Or the second. Or the third.”- bradleeeeeyyyyyyyyy😂😂😂😂

“They’re not the most exciting thing, but they don’t have to be refrigerated, so you can take them on the carrier. And you should be getting a box about halfway through deployment, so make sure you send me anything you want so I can put it in for you.”—- MARY DONT YOU MINIMIZE THIS GESTURE OMG AND SHES SHIPPING SOME OUT TO HIM??!! MY HEAAAARRRTTTTTTTTT

No one had ever made him a treat to take with him, and it’s been years since he’s gotten a care package that wasn’t from a volunteer group. Despite the fact that he wasn’t speaking to Ice, Sarah had sent him packages during his first few deployments. But that stopped when Ice got sick the first time, and it didn’t start again when the cancer went into remission.— ELLE WHYYYY?!! How could you do this to me. You know I have a tender heart! Omfgggg 😭😭😭😭😭

Thank you for thinking about me. Thank you for caring about me. I love you.— MY HEARTTTTTTTTTTTT oh I’m too delicate. They’re so lovelyyyyy, they’re in loveeee, and they’re forever babyyyyy

The first time of many that he’ll dare to kiss her in an empty hallway of NAS North Island throughout their lives.—- 😭💖😭💖😭

Bradley snaps to attention, giving a sarcastic salute that he only gets away with is because there’s no one else around— I LOVE THESE MOMENTS! All these bits that remind us just how born into this world he was, all these connections with people he has! Oh it’s so lovely and it’s so HIM

He does as told and hesitates for a minute before stepping to the side of the doorway, hoping he understood the non-verbal hint correctly.— UNCLE RON IS THE ULTIMATE WING MAN

“I won’t, Ron. I lo-” She cuts herself off, and the silence of the hall is deafening. Bradley can hardly hear her continue above his racing heart. “I care about him too much to hurt him.”- 🥰🥰🥰

She loves me./Mary loves me.— AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Oh my goddd, and now he’s about to be deployed??!! HOW AM I GOING TO SURVIVE THE YEARNING AND THE PINING LONG DISTANCE?!!! Oh this chapter was everythingggg!

Mar[r]y Me - part eight

pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Mariella “M&M” Vertucci (fem!OC)

summary: A love story told through friendship, laughter, and food.

series warnings: 18+ minors DNI, discussion of insecurities, difficult family relationships, discussions of food and alcohol use, discussions of body image, conversations on what it’s like to be a fat woman trying to date in today’s society, extreme fluff, warnings to be added as needed

word count: 5.1k

previous part | series masterlist | main masterlist

note: happy Friday! I’m super excited for this chapter! I know I say this every time but this is my favorite chapter so far and I can’t wait to hear what you all think!! have a great weekend!

part eight - peanut butter bites

It’s February 25th, and Bradley has sweat dripping down his back. He’s painfully aware that he’s the only one; the cold air blasting from the vents has everyone else reaching for sweaters, but he feels like he’s on fire. So hot he’s afraid he might melt through the old, cracked vinyl flooring of the VTC room. His neck is the worst of it; the skin is scorching from thirteen sets of eyes burning into him. Steadfastly ignoring all of them, he tries to focus all of his attention on the presentation happening up front.

“And as you can see here, since the implementation of the pilot program, the FA-18 return to service cadence has improved by ten days. The proposed plan to expand this training pipeline to Pensacola has been approved, and Dave will be working with Admiral Kerner and his team to spin this up over the next two quarters. The schedule that’s been laid out in Artemis, has the ECD for initial implementation on September 24th, one week before the start of FY22. Next slide, please.”

Bradley barely understands what Mary is talking about, but his fidgeting gets so bad as she gives an overview of the new program going into Florida that Jake nudges his side, looking genuinely concerned.

Bradley has always liked smart girls. Tessa Richardson, his first kiss, was valedictorian and went to Harvard on a pre-law track. The last he heard, she was moving up the ranks as a judge. But it’s a whole new level of attraction, watching Mary talk so competently and confidently about the inner workings of the multi-million-dollar planes he flies every day.

How is she so sexy talking about something so boring?

It’s a thought he’s had multiple times since program review began on Monday. He almost had to excuse himself yesterday when she had an entire page’s worth of suggestions for hardware and software improvements. Today has been exponentially worse, because Mary has deviated from her typical attire of simple but professional clothes. Today, she’s paired a black pencil skirt with three-inch stilettos. The heels accentuate the curves of her legs while the skirt hugs her hips in the most delicious way. And he was actually doing pretty well until thirty minutes into the PowerPoint when she slipped her blazer off to reveal a white button-up shirt that’s been perfectly tailored to show off her waist. Since then, he’s spent most of the time staring at her and then scolding himself for staring.

It’s like she’s trying to kill me.

He quietly takes a deep breath, hoping a sip of water will help him settle down. There are no hops scheduled for today, so the Dagger Squad is wearing their khaki uniforms, the least forgiving material, and the last thing he needs is to get hard while listening to his girl spout corporate buzzwords to satisfy the brass from Washington.

Unfortunately, Mary says the words “stick handling” while making direct eye contact with him and he chokes, spluttering and dripping water down his shirt as he coughs. Half the heads in the room swing in his direction, and he genuienly might burst into flames when he makes eye contact with his uncles; one looking concerned, the other highly amused.

Bradley knows he’s pathetic, getting all riled up over watching a woman excel at her job, and the boring part at that, but he really can’t help it. They haven’t had any alone time since Sunday, the week filled with back-to-back meetings, professional development, and deployment preparation for both of them.

“Of course. Happy Birthday, dolcezza.”

Bradley can feel her breath against his lips, her hand gripping his curls as their cupid bows brush.

“Bradley?” Someone is pounding on his door, the muffled yelling startling them apart. “Are you home? Fred fell! I can’t get him up! Bradley?!”

“Fuck!” He mournfully pulls away, racing to the front door. He carefully swings the door open, conscious of Mary being right behind him, her plate clattering on the table seconds after he stood up. “Mrs. Hadcock? What’s wrong?”

“Fred! He fell, and I can’t get him up! I think he broke his hip!” Bradley freezes when the older woman at his front door bursts into tears; he’s not equipped to deal with this, and he’s worried she might hyperventilate as she gasps around her words.

“Mrs. Hadcock, we need you to take a deep breath. Okay?” Mary quickly takes control as she slips her shoes on and tries to focus the panicking woman, nudging Bradley to do the same. “Is he bleeding? Did you call 911?”

“He’s not bleeding, but he’s in a lot of pain. I couldn’t call; I don’t know where my phone is.”

“Okay, let’s go to your apartment, and we’ll call once we’re there. C’mon.”

She wraps her arm around Mrs. Hadcock’s shoulders and leads her toward the stairs, asking more questions in a calm voice. Bradley grabs his phone, wallet, and Mary’s purse before locking the door behind him, anticipating this becoming a multi-hour thing.

It did become a thing, the doctors confirming the broken hip a few hours later, and it was almost 2 AM by the time he was driving the two women back to the complex. He walked Mary to her car, leaving with only a promise to let him know when she got home, before escorting Mrs. Hadcock back to her apartment.

Bradley was glad that his neighbor’s partner would be okay after surgery and a few months of physical rehab, but the interruption meant that he still hadn’t kissed Mary. He didn’t know what she tasted like. What sounds she would make. How long her perfume would linger on his skin. He's more on edge now than any mission he’s flown.

All week, he’s been itching for an opportunity to get her alone so he could finally press his lips to hers, as long as that’s what she still wants. He’s pretty sure she does. He’s caught her staring at his mouth several times, her chocolate eyes shyly meeting his when she realizes she’s been made.

He’s never been so grateful to hear Cyclone’s grumpy voice replace Mary’s sweet tone, the admiral thanking everyone and reminding the North Island team of the final prep meeting before ending the program review. As the crowd disburses, Bradley makes his way toward the front, heading directly for Mary to ask her to eat lunch with him.

In her office.

Alone.

With the door locked.

Halfway there, his path is abruptly blocked by Melissa Ludden, one of the visiting Boeing representatives. A new program manager, she’s visiting Coronado for the first time to get an understanding of what’s needed for the next generation of fighters, and she’s had target lock on Bradley since the kickoff meeting. Ten years ago, he would have reciprocated - hell, he probably would have had her in his bed after the first happy hour mixer - but now he couldn’t be less interested if he tried. He can admit that she’s very pretty and she seems smart, but the perky twenty-four-year-old can’t hold a match to his Mary.

“Lieutenant Bradshaw!” She also can’t get his rank correct, which irks Bradley, and tallies yet another point against her. “Boeing is hosting some of the attendees to lunch at Clark Square Grill; we would love for you to join us!”

“Thank you for the invitation, ma’am, but I can’t. I have deployment prep meetings this afternoon, so I’m needed on base.” He politely turns her down, secretly reveling in the little bit of twisted pleasure sparked by how her face drops.

Thankfully, he’s saved from her trying to plead her case and convince him by Slider calling him over, an order he swiftly – and happily – follows.

“Dave, this is Lieutenant Commander Bradley Bradshaw. Rooster, this is Dave Rhoads, the West Coast service director from Lemoore.” The name is familiar, sparking something in his brain as his uncle introduces him to an older gentleman.

“Nice to meet you, sir.”

“Oh, please, call me Dave!” The thin but jolly man insists with a firm handshake. “I was just telling these three how much I appreciated your feedback on the training pipeline.”

That’s how I know that name. “I’m glad it helped; we weren’t sure if anything we were sending up to you would be useful.”

“No, it was great! Getting perspective from pilots really helped us grease the wheels in some places where we were stuck. You should be very proud of your squad, Mav.”

“I’m glad their complaining finally was do something besides give me a headache.” Mav jokes before pulling Dave into a different conversation, leaving Bradley with Slider and Mary.

“Mary, you probably already know him, but if you don’t, this is Bradley.”

“Yes, Ron. I know Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw quite well.”

Bradley feels himself go hot, heat racing up his neck at hearing his full rank come from her mouth. He ignores his uncle, refusing to look at him, already knowing a shit-eating grin is spreading across his dumb face.

“Oh, really, M&M?” He could punch his uncle for the way he laughs through his question. “Exactly how well do you know my nephew?”

“Your nephew?”

“How do you know each other?!” He can’t help how he blurts it out; his confusion overclouding the manners his mother drilled into him.

“Slider was my mentor when I worked in Pensacola. We spent many hours together working on the flight school repair schedule and trying to get me to fully understand the ranks. He’s the one that gave me the flight school sweatshirt with my call sign on it - I think you’ve seen me wear that, right?” Mary’s eyes twinkle, letting him know she’s laughing at how his jaw drops.

“I’m the one that convinced her to go up on a flight!”

“Tricked!” Mary jokingly snaps, smacking his arm with her notebook, comfortable joking around now that the room has cleared.

“Tomato, potato.” His uncle turns to him, his grin even bigger. “She always loved that photo I have of you on my bookshelf. The one where you’re laying on the changing table clutching your little teddy bear.”

“That’s you?! That’s such a cute photo!”

“How do you have that photo? I thought I destroyed all copies of that!” Bradley groans, not sure if he’s more embarrassed that it’s been on his uncle’s desk for years or that Mary has seen what is arguably his worst baby photo. The one where he’s red in the face from crying and screaming, clutching a teddy bear with an atrociously full diaper.

“Nope! And you’ll never get rid of it now because I’ve made a digital copy and distributed it to everyone!”

“Oh my god…” Bradley looks at the ceiling, cursing who is listening for making his parents' generation technologically savvy.

“A group of us are going over to Victory Café for lunch; you guys want to join? My treat.”

“I can’t; I have a meeting in a few minutes and then more this afternoon. But you can buy me a drink at the Hard Deck tonight.”

“Yeah, fine, M&M. One vodka cran on me.” Slider laughs as Mary starts to walk away.

“Oh!” She turns back. “When you have some time this afternoon, could you stop by my office, Bradley?”

“Uh- sure! I can stop by after your meeting and before the briefing?”

“That works, see you then.” Mary gives a quick wave, and the two men watch her walk away, grabbing her phone from the lockers outside the VTC room.

“I’m not going to give you a shovel talk because I can tell how much you care about her. Though, had I known that she was the one you were acting like such an idiot about a few weeks ago, I would have flown out here early just to kick your ass. But I will tell you how much I love that girl; she’s like another kid to me, just like you are. So be careful, communicate, and do your best not to hurt each other.”

“I won’t; I’m just lucky she forgave me because I love her. I mean- I- uh-” Bradley stutters, shocked that those words just came flowing out of his mouth without permission.

“God, you’re just like Goose.” Ron smiles at his nephew and pulls him into a hug, a bittersweet feeling washing over him, realizing how much the boy acts like his father, despite barely remembering him. “They would both be so proud of you.”

Bradley gets a little choked up, feeling like a little kid again when his uncle runs a gentle hand over his head, stroking his hair just like he used to when he was small. “Thanks, Uncle Ron.”

“So…” He can’t hold it back; he has to embarrass him just a little bit more. For his own enjoyment. “Why do ya think she wants you to stop by her office?”

“Please stop.”

“Ohhh! Look at how red you are, baby goose! Are you hoping it’s something dirty?”

“I’m walking away.”

“Your call sign should have been tomato!” Laughter follows Bradley out the door and down the hall to the canteen, where he grabs two sandwich and chips combos.

“You okay, Bradley?” Halo quietly asks when he silently joins the squad, used to the boisterous nature of her teammate.

“I’m good. Thanks, Callie. Just thinking about the rest of the shit I gotta do before Saturday.”

He chuckles as she groans and launches into a rant about everything she’s procrastinated. Bradley listens intently as she vents, giving suggestions when he can, with Bob adding an occasional comment from across the table.

“And thankfully Aliyah’s friend was willing to watch Rupert and water my plants while I’m gon, since she backed out on me!” Callie exclaims. “Like, I’m happy she’s finally getting to go on this trip, but now I'm gonna owe Kelly like six hundred favors when I get back.”

“I’m glad you found someone in time and didn’t have to put him in a kennel until Aliyah gets back from Europe!” Bob says, knowing how much she hates putting her dog in the kennel for long stretches.

Bradley is just about to ask more about the woman who’s going to be watching Callie’s chocolate lab when the mechanics who work for Mary get in line for food.

“I’ll see you guys at the briefing; I’m gonna go take care of a few things.” He dumps his trash, ignoring the table full of protests as he turns toward Mary’s office.

It doesn’t take him long to reach the fifth floor of the admin wing. As the newest addition to the team, Mary had been relegated to an office on the mostly empty top floor. The lack of neighbors was a bonus when bored pilots visited, but the end-of-the-hall corner office was as far away from her shop as she could get.

He slows down as he gets closer, not wanting to interrupt whoever she’s talking to with her “I’m calm, but just barely” voice. It’s one she usually reserves for condescending admirals before tossing them to Cyclone so he can tear them apart on her behalf. Pausing in the doorway, he finds her staring at the ceiling, dissociating as the person on the other end yells loud enough that Bradley can hear it. He lightly coughs to grab her attention, smiling when she perks up and mashes the mute button.

“Beau wasn’t in his office, so I’m getting to listen to Cain’s bitching about my presentation on the manned flight stats as if I get to choose the content of the slides.” She looks down at the phone. “We’re going on thirteen minutes.”

“I brought you a turkey sandwich and kettle chips, if that helps?”

“Oh, Bradley, you’re so sweet! What would I do without you?”

“You’d probably be a lot hungrier in the afternoons. You want this now or in the fridge?”

“Fridge, please.” Mary hums before returning to her call. “Yes, sir. I hear you, but like I said earlier-”

As he’s storing the food in her mini fridge, her nails start to tap against the desk, frustration levels high after being cut off again. Bradley grimaces at her in sympathy. Everyone at NAS North Island is aware of Chester Cain’s personal vendetta against Maverick and how it’s begun to leak to anyone on base involved with manned flights.

He settles into one of her chairs, stealing a mint from the bowl on her desk and looking out the window. He loves Mary’s office, even though it technically sucks. She’s alone at this end of the hall, it’s a trek down to the repair shop, the elevator seems like it’s out of order more than it works, and in the hot summer months the air conditioning struggles to cool the westward-facing room. But he feels like the good parts make up for the bad. Like the privacy it provides and how huge the space is; big enough for her desk, two chairs, a conference table, all of her file cabinets, and a loveseat that has seen more than a few naps from the Dagger Squad. Bradley’s favorite part is the large windows that give a perfect view of the airfield, from the tower all the way to the end of the runway and the ocean.

He’s watching waves form and crash on the breakers when Mary moves around her desk, the phone cord stretching as she closes and locks the door, her stockinged feet silent on the tile. She surprises him when she continues her loop, perching on his leg with Admiral Cain still chattering in her ear. For a moment, he’s frozen, completely taken off guard by this development and the nervous look on her face, but it doesn’t take him long to get on board.

Bradley sits up straighter, wrapping one arm around her waist to pull her onto his lap while the other grips her thigh to tug her legs over his other thigh. Mary’s free hand wraps around his shoulder, immediately playing with the short hair at the back of his neck, sending goosebumps across his skin.

“I’m sorry to interrupt you, sir. I have to go; I have someone in my office I need to speak with about final deployment preparations. But I will make sure Admiral Simpson is aware of your feelings.” Bradley listens as he natters on for another minute, unsure how Mary keeps her cool.

“Yes, Admiral, I understand. Goodbye.” She slams the phone down. “You stupid fucking dickhead.”

“Wow, tell me how you really feel, honey.” His hand slips under the hem of her skirt when she leans back into his chest, her hands slipping around his shoulders as she crosses one leg over the other.

“That was me being nice. He’s lucky I actually care about keeping this job.”

Bradley doesn’t get a chance to respond because Mary is pressing their lips together. He instantly responds, tilting his head to meet her and sliding his hand up to cup her neck. She’s so warm and solid on his lap; he loves the weight of her pressing against him.

Time feels syrupy, slow and sweet, matching their pace. It’s taken them ages to get here, their first kiss, but there’s no rush, no urgency. It’s comfortable - loving - like they’ve been doing this for years. He’s in awe of how perfectly they fit together, their bodies instinctively reacting to each other. It starts to heat up when their tongues meet, the two of them pressing closer, closer, closer to taste each other.

Minty. She must've had a mint before I showed up, he thinks as his left hand slips further under her skirt. Bradley feels his brain break when he meets lace halfway up her thigh.

“Are you wearing thigh highs?” He asks, voice edging on desperate.

Mary nods, panting and looking gorgeous with her flushed cheeks. “I hate pantyhose, and it’s so much easier to just wear the garter belt.”

“Garter be-” He groans loudly, thankful no contractors are occupying the neighboring offices. “Fuck, Mary. Jesus Christ, you’re so goddamn sexy.”

Bradley presses a bruising kiss to her lips before making his easy down her neck, leaving teasing kisses up and down the sensitive skin. He undoes her top two buttons and tugs the collar aside to nip at her collarbone, perfume invading his senses.

Would it be weird to get a travel bottle of her perfume?

He knows he’s not thinking entirely straight, but he doesn’t think it would. He could spritz his pillow and fall asleep every night to the same sweet citrus and floral notes he’s smelling now. It’s that thought that has his hand wandering to her buttons again, his goal to get her shirt off and then maybe spread her out on her desk or bend her over the table or get her in his lap on the couch…

“Bradley, wait, we- shit!” Mary pulls him back to her face, chest heaving. “We still have meetings.”

“Shit. Right.” He abandons the buttons, instead choosing to play with the hem of her skirt while he closes his eyes and tries to calm down. Mary rests her head on his shoulder as she catches her breath. They sit there for a few minutes, enjoying each other’s company, just reveling in the way their bodies move in unison as their breathing starts to sync up.

“So, uh… not that I’m complaining, but where did that come from?”

“Don’t kiss anyone while you’re gone.”

“I wasn’t planning on it, honey.” Bradley nudges her chin, forcing her to look at him. “Why would I when I’ve got you waiting for me at home?”

“I just- I saw Melissa flirting with you and…” Mary trails off, and he understands.

“She can try to flirt all she wants, but she can’t compare to you, Mary. You’re so much better than her. She can’t even get my rank right, never mind the fact that she’s twelve years younger than me. Besides, I don’t like blondes, you know that.” He winks at her, making her laugh, which was his goal.

“Is that why you and Jake are always fighting?” She innocently blinks at him, teasing him for the pseudo-feud he has with his wingman.

“You think you’re funny, huh?”

“I know I am, actually.” Mary brushes their lips together. “Can do this whenever I want now.”

“Been wanting to do this for a while?” He asks between kisses.

She hums and nods slightly, more focused on slipping her tongue into his mouth again. “Ever since that first night at the Hard Deck.”

“You’ve wanted to kiss me since we met?

“M&M?” A knock on the door startles them apart, Mary almost falling off his lap, catching herself on the desk and rattling her knick knacks and picture frames. “You good, Vertucci?”

“Yeah! Yeah! I’m fine. What’s up?”

She springs off his lap, her cheeks redder than he’s ever seen, and he knows his match. It’s a good thing his uncle can’t see them through the frosted glass; they look guilty as hell, like two teenagers who got caught making out in the backseat.

“Well, I want to get set up for the meeting early, but I don’t know how the controls work in the VTC room. I was hoping you could show me since you have to be there anyway.”

Both of them relax, thankful he’s unaware of what he interrupted. Mary moves to open the door. “Sure, I can do that! I just-” She stutters to a stop after catching sight of her reflection in the mirror above her couch. It’s very obvious what they’d been doing.

“I just have a few things to take care of, and I’ll be down in a couple minutes!” She croaks, trying to rebutton her shirt and fix her hair at the same time.

“Sounds good. I’ll meet you there.” Bradley watches his silhouette turn away; his sigh of relief is premature when his uncle comes back after a few steps. “Oh, I almost forgot! Bradley? Mav is looking for you; go meet him in the hangar.”

All the blood drains from his face, and Mary turns in horror, their eyes meeting in terror. He clears his throat. “Yes, sir.”

“Good boy. Take a few minutes if you need to!” This time, the silhouette walks all the way down the hall, laughing and whistling to himself the entire way.

“Oh my god. Oh my god! I can never speak to him again!” Mary moans, dropping onto the loveseat and burying her face in her hands.

“If it makes you feel better, he’s caught me doing worse.”

“Really?” He smiles at the way she peeks at him between her fingers.

“Unfortunately. I was bad about locking my door, and he was bad about knocking.” Her nose scrunches, obviously trying not to laugh at him. “It’s okay, you can laugh. You would think one of us would have learned after the first time it happened. Or the second. Or the third.”

He smiles as she snorts, pressing a hand over her mouth to muffle the sound and sinking into the couch. Her laughter dies down as they stare at each other. Bradley doesn’t think he’s been happier than this moment, Mary smiling at him with her partially unbuttoned shirt and mussed hair.

“We should probably go.” She sighs and nods in agreement.

He watches as she fixes her shirt and smooths her hair in the mirror, inspecting her makeup before padding over to the corner.

“These are for you.” She holds out a container from the shelf above her mini fridge.

He looks through the clear plastic. “What are these?”

“I made you those peanut butter bites you liked so much. They’re not the most exciting thing, but they don’t have to be refrigerated, so you can take them on the carrier. And you should be getting a box about halfway through deployment, so make sure you send me anything you want so I can put it in for you.”

Bradley takes a shaky breath, unable to swallow the lump in his throat. No one had ever made him a treat to take with him, and it’s been years since he’s gotten a care package that wasn’t from a volunteer group. Despite the fact that he wasn’t speaking to Ice, Sarah had sent him packages during his first few deployments. But that stopped when Ice got sick the first time, and it didn’t start again when the cancer went into remission.

It sucked being the only one being passed a charity box full of things he didn’t like or need, but he understood. Their life was different at that point. New health rules to follow, more appointments, their kids were starting to have kids. There was no spare time for unnecessary things, like sending a box of goodies to a kid who was refusing to speak to them.

“Bradley?” His name is said quietly, and he looks up to find Mary looking anxious, her brow creased in worry.

He drops the Tupperware on her desk with a clang and pulls her into his arms, pressing a hard kiss to her mouth and hoping it conveys everything he’s feeling that he can’t quite say.

Thank you for thinking about me. Thank you for caring about me. I love you.

She reciprocates, matching him, knowing this is one of the last times they’ll see each other alone before he’s gone for two months.

“Thank you.” He whispers when they break apart, Mary smiling at him and pressing one more gentle kiss to his lips before pulling away to put her heels back on.

Bradley walks her to the conference room, his hand brushing hers, but neither of them bold enough to hold hands when anyone could catch them. He spends the time watching her, savoring the quiet moments they get to spend together. A quick glance into the conference rooms reveals his uncle fighting with the display screen behind the podium, so he pulls her to the side of the doors and, after thoroughly checking the hall, kisses her.

The first time of many that he’ll dare to kiss her in an empty hallway of NAS North Island throughout their lives.

“I’ll see you at the Hard Deck.” He murmurs against her lips before opening the door and waving at Slider.

“Finally! Mary, what the hell does “extend the display” mean?” Ron rolls his eyes when he sees his nephew staring at his mentee like a lovesick puppy. “Bradshaw! Get your ass to the hangar, now!”

Bradley snaps to attention, giving a sarcastic salute that he only gets away with is because there’s no one else around, and the admiral glaring at him also witnessed his many potty-training failures. He gives his uncle a genuine grin as he turns to leave, getting instructions to prop the door open and an overexaggerated wink in return.

He does as told and hesitates for a minute before stepping to the side of the doorway, hoping he understood the non-verbal hint correctly.

“So… you and Bradley? That’s something you didn’t mention the last time we talked, Mary.”

“It’s new, very new. Could you not say anything to anyone – not even Mav – for now, please?”

“You got it, kiddo. Just try not to hurt him.”

“I won’t, Ron. I lo-” She cuts herself off, and the silence of the hall is deafening. Bradley can hardly hear her continue above his racing heart. “I care about him too much to hurt him.”

His phone is continuously buzzing in his pocket, but he doesn’t bother to answer it; he knows it’s Mav or one of the Daggers looking for him. In a daze of excitement and nerves, he makes his way to the hangar, wishing more than anything that he wasn’t walking into the final deployment briefing. He wants to turn around, throw Mary over his shoulder, and drive them up the coast until they find a little mountain town with no cell service and stay there for two months instead.

“There you are! Rooster, what took you so long?” He should feel lucky that it’s just an exasperated Maverick he has to deal with and not Cyclone.

“Sorry, Mav, had to drop something off to Admiral Kerner.” It’s probably the wrong excuse to give, his uncles are definitely going to gossip, and he’s going to get so much shit tonight for it. But he can’t bring himself to care as he slips into his chair, smiling so big at Hangman that half the squad worriedly looks at him.

She loves me.

Mary loves me.

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fic tag | credit for dividers here

[anxiousstark]

S2 11 | Battleplan

BIG MASTERLIST | TW REWRITE

Stiles Stilinski x Reader! Half-sibling!Mccall

Word count: 1912.

Warnings: Mentions of injuries, blood, murder, dead body, swearing (always).

A/N: This is kind of a filler. Not too long. Bruh, LAST CHAPTER OF SEASON 2.

↪ PLEASE RESPECT MY WORK. DON’T COPY, TRANSLATE OR CLAIM THEM AS YOURS. NOT ON THIS WEBSITE OR ANOTHER. ALL RIGHTS ARE RESERVED.

Things were complicated. Melissa wasn't talking to Scott nor me, she witnessed me flashing my eyes, and she saw Scott as a werewolf.

When Matt had dragged my unconscious body to one of the rooms where almost everyone was, I woke up for a couple of seconds, Stiles was unconscious on the floor, and Mr. Stilisnki had been hit on the head, falling to the ground. Then, the Kanima appeared, I found strength from somewhere deep inside me when I saw that he was planning to attack Melissa. I took the arrow out of my belly, the pain made my eyes flash, and while I stabbed the Kanima on the back with the same arrow, my eyes met Melissa's.

Stiles was receiving help. I felt bad because a couple of days before I had promised to protect his father, which I wasn't able to do. Not only that, but he was also ignoring me.

I was sitting on the bleachers, a lacrosse game would take place in a couple of minutes. I noticed Stiles and Scott talking to each other, and decided to go up to them. "Hey," I whispered, hands inside the pockets of my jacket, it was freezing. Scott glanced up, offering me a little smile. However, the other boy continued talking without acknowledging me.

"It's going to be bad, isn't it? I mean, like people screaming, running for their lives, blood, killing, maiming kind of bad?" His eyes were teary, legs bouncing up and down. "Scott, the other night seeing my dad get hit over the head by Matt, you know, while I'm just lying there and I can't even move, it just-. I want to help, you know, but I can't do the things that you can do. I can't-."

"It's okay."

Stiles shook his head. "We're losing, dude."

We were losing. We were losing people, and maybe we were losing ourselves on the way.

"The hell are you talking about?" Coach appeared from behind them, and even though I saw him coming near, I got startled. I was jumpy. "Game hasn't even started. Now put on your helmet and get out there. You're in for Greenberg."

"What? What happened to Greenberg?" He began looking around.

"What happened to Greenberg? He sucks. You suck slightly less."

"I'm playing? On the field? With the team?"

"Yes, unless you'd rather play with yourself."

"I already did that today, twice." I almost chuckled.

"Get the hell out there!"

The hazel-eyed boy restlessly grabbed all of his things. Before he could walk to the field, I stopped him, my hand clutching his jersey. "Stiles, I-"

"I can't talk," He didn't even glance at me. "This is important for me." Wasn't I?

"Yeah," I whispered, but he was already running to the field. "Good luck," I muttered. I heard Scott calling my name, but I just offered him a smile as he did before.

I went back to the bleachers, deciding to sit next to Melissa, but she quickly waved Lydia over. I didn't think much about it, or at least I tried not to while I sat next to Noah. His arm went around my shoulder as he kissed my forehead. For a moment, I thought I would break down. Noah couldn't help but scream for Stiles when his son walked to the field.

Things got even more complicated. First, Isaac came to the game, sitting down next to Scott. They both seemed to be friends now. Then, I noticed that Gerard was wickedly smiling while peering at Scott. Something was going on. Next, Jackson took a player to the ground, inducing him into unconsciousness. Coach asked Scott to play, and Melissa suspected that something more was going on, something more than just a lacrosse game. But then Scott disappeared while Coach screamed for him to come back.

I got up from the bleachers, determined to search for him even though my wound was fresh, and still hurting. But then everyone on the bleachers started cheering up, Stiles had scored. And another one. Then, again. The team hugged each other, congratulating. Stiles glanced at the bleachers, his eyes met mine. I was clapping, proud of him, grinning widely. He beamed back, but just for a couple of seconds as he seemed to realize something, then the smile wasn't for me, it was for Lydia Martin. And I suppose that is how everything should be.

The buzzer sounded, indicating the end of the game and our victory. The excitement didn't last. The lights went out, and someone screamed. Everything seemed to slow down. People falling to the ground, screams, bumping into others, running, fear. I made sure that Mr. Stilisnki was fine, running to the field, searching for Stiles. But I tripped, falling to the ground. I tripped over someone just lying there. I tripped over Jackson's unconscious body.

"Jackson? What's happened to Jackson?" Lydia's terrified voice sounded all over. "Jackson! Jackson! Jackson, what's happening?" She kneeled on the floor, next to him. I quickly got into the same position as her, grasping her arms, doing my best to calm her down.

"Can we get a medic over here? We're gonna need a medic!"

Melissa came running to us, putting her head over his chest. "He's not breathing. No pulse." She started pressing his chest, trying to bring him back. "Get down here." She glanced at Lydia. "Get down here and hold his head. Tilt it up."

"Stiles?" I whispered to myself, running to all the lacrosse players, looking at them in hopes of finding a familiar pair of hazel eyes.

"Where's Stiles? W-where's my son? Where's Stiles? Where's Stiles? Where's Stiles? Where the hell is my son?"

The last hours were horrible. I spent them being embraced by Scott, reassuring each other, convincing each other that Stiles Stilisnki was perfectly safe.

Then...

I ran with all my strength, the wound on my stomach was burning, and it was probably bleeding as Melissa told me not to force myself. But I couldn't help it. Stiles was back. Stiles was in his house.

"You came running?" Mr. Stilisnki's eyes were wide open after he opened the front door, letting me come inside the Stilisnki household. I nodded my head frantically, glancing around. "He is upstairs." He smiled. I grinned, running towards the steps until his voice stopped me. "Lydia is there too."

"Uhm," I turned around. "C-can I wait here until she comes down?" He seemed confused. "I don't want to interrupt their, uhm, talk." He shook his head while smirking, muttering something under his breath. "Want something to drink?" I approved, following him to the kitchen, and sitting down on a chair. "How are you feeling?" He handed me a cup.

I fiddled with it, feeling the warmth go through my hands. "I did look inside the backpack." He waited for me to go on. "Some pictures of famous people she admired, and a picture of her with the friend who took care of me."

"No picture of you."

I sadly smiled, glad that I didn't have to say so myself. "Love," I sighed. "It's a strange thing. Mr. Stilisnki," He glared at me. "I mean Noah," I laughed while continuing. "How can I trust people when the ones who should teach me about it weren't even there?" My voice cracked. "Now, I'm terrified. I don't want to get too close because something bad could happen."

"Or something beautiful," His hands grabbed mine, thumb rubbing circles on the back of my hand. "Love feels good and hurts so bad, that doesn't mean everything will be wrong. There will be joyful and sorrowful moments. You need to go through all of them."

"If they ta-."

"Nobody is going to take you away, okay?" He softly whispered. "I will take care of that."

"Uhm," I heard someone, turning around to see Lydia. I smiled at her, although I don't think it looked like an honest one. "I'm already leaving," She glanced at the older Stilisnki. "Thank you for letting me stop by."

After we heard the door close, he nudged me. "Go."

I tried to calm my nerves while breathing deeply. I lightly knocked on the door, and when I heard his voice my stomach fluttered. However, I didn't like what I had in front of me. His cheek was bruised, a large bruise all over it, and his lower lip was busted.

My hands grabbed his neck, moving his head to the other side so I could examine his wounds. "Who did this?" He didn't reply, eyes meeting mine just for a couple of seconds. "Who did this, Stiles? I swear to god I will kill whoeve-."

"That's your problem." He pulled my hands off him. I studied his body posture, he was anxious and mad. "You don't know what you are, but you still throw yourself into trouble. A pepper spray?" Why was he talking now about the other day? "Pepper spray against a Kanima? Got beaten and shot, you still ran your mouth and insulted Matt which made him hit you, even while you were unconscious." His lower lip trembled. "And I couldn't do anything about it because I was paralyzed!"

"I would do it again."

"See, that's the problem. Y-you don't care about getting hurt." He stepped closer to me. This time, his eyes didn't leave mine. "But you know how I'll feel? I'll be devastated. And if you die, I will literally go out of my fucking mind." His eyes were teary, and at this point, mines were too. "You see, death doesn't happen to you, Y/N. It happens to everyone around you, okay? To all the people left standing at your funeral, trying to figure out how they're gonna live the rest of their lives now without you in it? Huh?" He was screaming now. "And look at my face, huh? Come on, you actually think this was meant to hurt me?" I flinched a little, not liking when people raised their voices. "Um- I'm so sorry." He brought me closer to him, hiding his face on my neck. "I missed you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry"

"Is this why you ignored me on the field?" I embraced him tightly, terrified that he would disappear. I felt him nod. "Stiles, I would do anything for you like I know you would do anything for me." I felt him nod his head, bringing me even closer to his body.

Our eyes met. Arms still tight around each other. His eyes went from my eyes to my lips. He got closer, head inclined to the right side, getting closer.

"Y/N, wanna have dinner here?" We jumped apart. Warm invading our faces. Stiles blushing quite hard. "Oh, did I- does Chinese sound good?" We both nodded, shyly smiling as he closed the door behind him.

I found the strength to turn around and glance at him when I heard a faint melody resonating through his room. He had moved closer to his computer, playing the song. My eyebrows were furrowed, waiting for him to explain what was going on. "What is going on?" I whispered, not having the strength to talk louder.

He beamed at me. "I want to slow dance like we did at the dance." He came closer, asking for permission to place his hands on my waist. Of course, I nodded my head as my hands travelled from his chest to his shoulders, resting there. "But just with you."

.

.

TAGLIST: @og-baby-ob14 - @savemypostcards - @cas-loves-pizza - @used-avocado - @mvrylee - @bilesxbilinskixlahey - @honeydoll-stark - @arieltheworldisamess - @softpeteparker - @kit-kat-katie99 - @thatsuperherosidekick - @bexbetterxthanxwords - @big-galaxy-chaos - @littlemiss-forgotten - @enchantedcruelsummer - @coldfreakeggsexpert - @merla123 - @sammypotato67 - @weirdowithnobeardo - @maggiesblogsblog - @itskindyl - @bobo-bush - @moongoddesskiana - @multifandxm353 - @irwxnhugsx - @xoprincessmel - @iclosetgeek - @andreagf956 - @niawoods - @anerroroccurrrrred - @perrytheplatypus11 - @trustfundparker - @nmriia - @steve-harringtonnn - @trustfundparker - @brithedemonspawn - @weirdowithnobeardo - @my-soul-is-the-moon - @azayamari - @poguestyle17 - @bibliophilewednesday - @10minutesofscreentime - @momentitodebruh​ -

People in bold means it doesn’t let me tag them.

[letterboxd]

Poker Face.

Tiffany Haddish tells Gemma Gracewood about taking a holiday from comedy in Paul Schrader’s The Card Counter, her hotel comfort viewing, and why Oscar Isaac thinks of her as Jesus.

“When I say yes to a movie, that’s a hundred to two hundred people that get to work and I want them to be happy about working.” —Tiffany Haddish

Comedians taking on dramatic roles is not an innovation in cinema, but it’s which comedian, in which role, that makes a casting choice a talking point. Melissa McCarthy in Can You Ever Forgive Me? Mo’Nique in Precious. Peter Sellers in Being There. Robin Williams in everything.

In The Card Counter, Paul Schrader’s meditative slow-burn on American shame, part of the tension as a viewer lies in what we already appreciate about Tiffany Haddish as a performer. She is an unbridled crack-up, a live wire on screen and off, a former foster kid committed to busting unsustainable Hollywood beauty myths by wearing the same dress throughout an awards season. Her physical comedy is electric, even when it’s a simple raise of an eyebrow.

The wildest thing about La Linda—a gamblers’ agent working the mid-level casino circuit, who spies, in Oscar Isaac’s William (Bill) Tell, a potential new thoroughbred for her stable of card counters—is the way her drinks order changes from hotel bar to hotel bar. “I came in there with my comedy ways and it sucked,” Haddish laughs, disarmingly honest about her leap from the hi-jinks her fans know her for, to her dramatic role in Schrader's new film. “Paul was hard on me at first,” she recalls. “He had to reel me in, make adjustments, strip all this stuff off, all my tools, leave me with these instruments I barely ever use.”

Oscar Isaac and Tiffany Haddish in a scene from ‘The Card Counter’.

There’s an enduring myth that drama is tougher to pull off than comedy, something Haddish’s friend Morris Chestnut corrected her on a few years back. “He’s like, ‘No, what you do, that’s hard work. You are actually overworking yourself, doing these comedies.’ And I’m like, ‘He don’t know what he’s talking about.’ Then I actually did a drama. And I was like, ‘Oh, that was so easy. Oh, that was beautiful.’ It’s way easier. It’s way easier.”

What La Linda doesn’t know, but any casual observer of Schrader’s work will, is that Isaac’s Bill has a past, and that his methodical attempts to keep his guilt in check through a supremely minimal lifestyle, perhaps even to allow himself a spark of pleasure—redemption, even—are about to come unwound.

Before that, though, there’s time for La Linda, Bill and Cirk (Tye Sheridan)—the son of one of Bill’s former, shall we say, colleagues—to become an odd little chosen-family unit as they travel the circuit. Bill and La Linda cook up a nice heat while killing time in cocktail lounges, and her casual business charisma is a charming offset to the deeper themes at play. Writing fresh from a Venice Film Festival viewing, Rahul notes “you keep expecting Haddish to break out of the understated style and that tension works.” Andy agrees: “Her simple outlook on life and lack of existentialism offer a nice contrast to Tell’s brooding sorrow. Plus, La Linda is just a great character name.”

Haddish understood the pull between Bill and La Linda, and La Linda’s desire to probe into his mysterious monotony, in a very specific way: “As a standup comedian, I work with a lot of men that—they’re very talented, they’re doing big things when they’re on stage—but then when they come off the stage you’re like, ‘Who are you? Why are you so dark? Who hurt you? What’s going on?’ I can relate to that in so many ways.”

Still, of all the dramatic writer-directors to work with in America, why Schrader? What was it about his specific brand of lonely-white-man stories that appealed? “Cat People. It’s my jam,” declares Haddish, of Schrader’s 1982 erotic horror reimagining of the 1942 classic (and one of his few films with a female lead, played by Natassja Kinski). “I love that movie. It had some weird, twisted shit in it.” She has been campaigning Schrader to mount a sequel, so that she can have a crack at playing a sexy, predatory jungle cat. “I try to bring it up to him all the time. And he’s like, ‘Tiffany, we’re not doing it. No.’”

Natassja Kinski in Paul Schrader’s 1982 remake of ‘Cat People’.

Haddish imagines that Cat People would certainly be on La Linda’s list of hotel-room comfort watches, along with Shaft and Goodfellas. Haddish, on the other hand, prefers to kick back with series television when she is on the road. “I watch old sitcoms like Martin or, like, The Facts of Life. I love a good cartoon, especially the throwback ones on Boomerang. I really like the old school, like ThunderCats. That’s a good wind down for me.”

Filming days are long, making the minutes can be stressful, and Covid safety protocols add layers of complexity to the job. There are performers who are cast not only for what they bring to their roles, but also for the energy they bring to set. Haddish has an undeniable magnetism, so it is unsurprising to read her co-star Isaac, in The Card Counter’s production notes, describe her as being “like Jesus”, in that people would drop everything and follow her. She enjoys this comparison, revealing that she has always wanted to be an AD, the crew member with, traditionally, the greatest people skills. “I always wanted to be assistant director just so I can be like, ‘All right, picture’s up, guys.’ And just so I can know everybody and be cool with everybody.”

But as a performer with clout, what is her intention when she—Tiffany Haddish, famous actress™—walks onto a soundstage? Haddish’s answer is a generous primer on how to be a good sort on set (or, indeed, in any working environment). “When I say yes to a movie, that’s a hundred to two hundred people that get to work and I want them to be happy about working,” she explains. “I’m going to work with them again in something else, and I want to have a pleasant experience with the crew. The DP, the gaffers, all these people, we all work together as a unit, so I think it’s super important.”

Paul Schrader, Oscar Isaac and crew on the set of ‘The Card Counter’.

Certain crew members, she admits, “are imperative to making me look good”, but more than that, her approach is grounded in her own physical and emotional safety in an often volatile and unpredictable creative environment. “I see how some actors won’t talk to any crew members at all, and I feel like that’s not okay because these people are busting their ass to make you look great, and they are part of telling this story too. They might not be hanging off the side of the building like you are, but they are making sure that the camera’s operating correctly, so you don’t have to shoot it five hundred times.

“These people keep me alive. They keep me going and they can tell when I’m in a bad space. They’re like, ‘Here’s a Snickers.’ If I’m working with an actor who might be treating me not the best, they’re coming over, they’re giving encouraging words, ‘You’re going to be okay.’ We’re a team. I even talk to the editor. They’re like, ‘Picture’s up, sound’s rolling, and speed.’ And I’d be like [staring down the camera lens], ‘What’s up editor? Hey, it’s your girl Tiffany Haddish. Just a little note: I’m thinking about you. Now, if you could just make sure this lazy eye is this way… I know you’re in that room by yourself, but look out for your girl.” Sometimes, Haddish will even throw a bone to the studio executives. “I know they’re watching the dailies,” she laughs.

Her investment in the welfare of her film families is paying off in unexpected turns such as The Card Counter, with more to come. Up next, a trio of unusual comedies: Jerrod Carmichael’s existential buddy farce On the Count of Three, which was picked up by Annapurna out of Sundance this year; Cory Finley’s surrealistic sci-fi romp Landscape with Invisible Hand; and the intriguing Nicolas Cage vehicle, The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent.

Related content

A list of favorite gambling movies from Gamblers, a podcast from The Big Picture’s Sean and Amanda

Life Detained: Jack Moulton’s interview with Kevin Macdonald, director of The Mauritanian

Josh’s list of Neo-Noir films

Follow Gemma on Letterboxd

‘The Card Counter’ is in US cinemas now.

[tails89]

The waiting room is busy when they reach the hospital. Derek herds Stiles over to the front desk to check him in and then they wait.

Once seated, Stiles adjusts his pants. He’d put them on wet and they cling, highlighting a particular problem he’s hoping will go unnoticed. He crosses his legs, moving stiffly. His whole body already feels like one giant bruise. It doesn’t fix the problem.

“Stop fidgeting,” Derek hisses beside him.

“I’m trying to.” Stiles shifts in his seat, wincing at the movement. “How are you not having the same problem?” He asks, staring pointedly at Derek’s crotch.

“Don’t you think we have a bigger issue right now.”

The doors through to the emergency room open and a familiar curly haired nurse emerges.

“Stiles Stilinski?”

“Oh, kill me now,” Stiles mutters into Derek’s shoulder before standing. “Hey Mel.”

*

Stiles sits on the table in the emergency cubicle. The paper sheet beneath him crinkles loudly with each subtle shift as he squirms beneath Melissa’s gaze.

“So.” Melissa sits on the stool beside the bed, tapping her pen against the clipboard she’s holding. “What happened?”

“Uh.” Stiles holds his wrist clutched to his bare chest. “I slipped.”

“You slipped.”

“Yup.” Stiles pop’s the ‘p’ risking a furtive glance across at Derek. “In the shower.”

“And that’s why you’re not wearing a shirt.”

Stiles nods. The movement sends a droplet of water trickling down the back of his neck from his still dripping hair.

Melisa takes a long moment to write something down, her pen scratching against the paper. “So, you were taking a shower...”

“Yes, we’ve established that.” Stiles fidgets with the string of his sweatpants, refusing to look Melissa in the eye.

“In the middle of the day?”

“Uh huh.”

More scribbling and a long drawn out silence.

“And what was Derek doing?” Melissa pins Derek with her stare, and he looks away.

“He drove me here.”

“But why’s he wet, too?”

“Uh, because he… heard me… when I fell?”

“Of course…” The pen stills. “So, Derek heard you… came to help… and lost his shirt in the process.”

“It got wet. Right, Derek?”

Derek just nods silently.

“So his shirt got wet but his pants did not.”

The hand on Stiles’s shoulder twitches and he send Derek a reassuring glance.

“Okay,” Melissa says suddenly, putting down the clipboard. “Let’s have a look.”

Stiles cranes his neck trying to get a look at what she’s written but Melissa stands blocking his view of the desk and the clipboard.

She takes his arm gently, testing his movements and asking him to wiggle his fingers before asking if he’d hurt himself anywhere else or bumped his head on the way down.

Derek keeps his hand on Stiles’s shoulder the whole time, fingers grazing his skin pulling any pain Stiles might feel.

Melissa watches from the corner of her eye, smiling at the tender moment between the two boys.

“Alright,” she says finally, snapping off her gloves. “I’m pretty sure it’s broken.” She gestures towards Stiles’s arm. “I’m going to find a doctor to confirm and order X-rays. If we’re lucky we’ll be able to cast it and send you home.”

She picks up her clipboard, pocketing the pen. “I’ll be back soon, okay?”

She ducks through the curtain, leaving Stiles and Derek alone.

“I think she bought it.” Derek lets out the breath he’d been holding, sagging back against the edge of the bed.

“Oh my God.” Stiles barks out a laugh. “No way, I bet she’s calling my dad as we speak.”

“No.”

“Oh yeah. We are so busted.”

*

Stiles gets lucky for the first time that day (pun intended). The break is a simple one. No surgery necessary, just six weeks in a bulky cast.

By the time they get back from the hospital, his dad is home from work. Derek pulls into the driveway beside the cruiser, cutting the engine and they both sit, staring at the house.

“I say we just roll with it,” Stiles says, looking to Derek. “Just go in guns blazing, y'know? We're both adults. Dad’ll just latch on if he thinks we’re hiding something.”

“I don’t like this plan.” Derek frowns at the steering wheel.

“It’s a great plan!” Stiles argues, opening his door. “He’ll never see it coming.”

“You don’t have to deal with the fallout.” Derek walks around the side of the car. “I have to work with him on Monday.”

“Ugh, fine.” Stiles fumbles with his house keys left handed before Derek takes them from him, unlocking the front door.

John is in the kitchen, putting together a plate of leftovers for dinner. He takes one look at them-- both shirtless and Stiles sporting a bright green cast, and reaches for the secret stash of whiskey.

“What on earth happened to you two?”

“Well Dad, you see when two people love each other very much, they have sex in the shower and one of them ends up in the emergency room.”

From the corner of his eye, Stiles sees Derek smack his palm against his face and just catches the soft “Stiles no" that’s muttered into his hand.

“Uh huh.” John pours himself a very large drink, taking a gulp before saying anything else.

Stiles turns to give Derek a very pointed ‘I told you so' look.

“Cool. Glad we were all about to have an adult conversation about it.” Grabbing Derek’s hand, Stiles tows his boyfriend from the room. “We’re going to go upstairs... to my room... to finish talking about it.”

AO3

[pikaflute]

hi, sudafed cleared my sinuses long enough to think so here’s a giant post about most of my charles headcanons

Playlist

OH btw here’s my 4 hour and 23 minute playlist for Charles. Enjoy. Yes I know I’m insane: https://open.spotify.com/user/pikaflute24/playlist/4DBxaaxbqsmJt9Fvl8AgwZ?si=OcXlYCdFRzOhuKa4p_HdUQ

General Headcanons

He was born November 24 1965. He’s currently 56, but I usually write him in his late 40s in most fanfic and content I make. So there’s this middle aged man....

He has hazel eyes. Sometimes they look green, sometimes brown. Sometimes they’ll be white but that’s when he’s using his magic so mind your business

Gear brand over his heart >:)c

:) i think he has piercings and tattoos, a skull (dead man teehee) on his upper arm, a tattoo of a date (the date pickles and him first met TEEHEE) on his left arm also has a tattoo on his arm of the day he “died” on his right. had his ears pierced when he was a teen.

Has a sweet tooth so hard. Smuggles in treats into the drawers of his desk just to snack on during the day and has a mini fridge just filled with ice cream and also sorts of other goodies. He loves brownies and cookies the most

Likes to work out and keep himself in shape. it takes his mind off of stressful things like work and the boys, and just take his morning practice sparring and doing various exercises in the mordhaus gym. 

he’s uh also very flexible so he does yoga a lot when he exercises. don’t. look too deep into that

cannot cook to save his life. he almost burned mordhaus down trying to make himself a sandwich

he can play guitar! he used to play it more often when he was younger but he rarely has the time to play it nowadays. when he does get to play it, it’s usually in private (and mainly songs by dethklok), or it’s to show off to a certain lead guitarist that yes he is playing that solo wrong

he’s ambidextrous but prefers using his right hand. he’ll use his left hand to spar in order to go easy on his opponents because hes a smug cunt

he’s 5′7 but intimidation factor adds a couple inches doesn’t it

has a scorpion named princess as a pet. he lets her sit on his desk sometimes and it scares the shit out of dethklok which makes charles laugh on the inside

hes also a cat person. one time toki brought a cat home and it settled on charles’ lap and he almost cried

loves to be a smug asshole and relishes in it. will not take shit from anyone, especially from some asshole who is trying to pull one over on him

he has no idea how social media works at all. will print memes out to show to dethklok, he’s very fond of cat memes specifically (i can has cheeseburger type beat)

he has no idea what any internet memes means he isn’t going to start learning. he is going to misuse internet phrases. are you boys, ah, finding the imposter? [cue five groans from dethklok]

knows a lot of languages. not a comprehensive list but: french, swedish, norwegian, spanish, italian, japanese, chinese, german, russian and korean

is very competitive. scarily competitive. once he starts losing in smash or mario kart all hell will break lose

very bad at showing emotions or affection, when he gets compliments he gets all red and quiet and mumbles a thank you. 

weird about being touched as well and will usually avoid it unless it’s with someone he trusts

speaking of, his love language is acts of service :)c

hates being called charlie or chuck, unless the right person calls him it ;)

he’s autistic. was nonverbal for most of his life and only talked to certain people, or anyone at all. he stims with his hands and uses his pens to fidget.

has a collection of novelty socks. he likes the ones that have polka dots or stripes

sleeps with a garfield plushie he had since he was younger. it helps him with the nightmares

when any of the boys need help sleeping (usually toki or pickles), he’ll sleep with them in his bed. after dying he had trouble sleeping some nights, so dethklok returned the favor and all piled up in his bed and helped him sleep. he didnt have nightmares after that night

hes nearsighted, and prefers to wear glasses over contacts

lactose intolerant, hes still eating mac n cheese and paying the price

metalhead but pretends to not be just to mess with his boys

crippling addiction to match 3 games. also loves to play minecraft.

overly self sacrificial. puts ones he love needs before his own, results in himself being very isolated and distant from those he cares about because he’s afraid of hurting them

his favorite colors are black and purple

coffee kinda guy. black coffee or bust

has a lot of cute novelty mugs to put his coffee in. he ones from places where dethklok tours, dethklok official ones (the only two that aren’t adorned with spikes), some cat themed ones, a couple that have ties and math references, and one from his boys that says “most brutal manager”. he drinks out of that last one the most

he has a couple of grey hairs and wrinkles, but he keeps them because they remind him that he’s human. also pickles said old men were hot but you didnt hear that from me

likes to play chess but he can never find a good opponent. all the klokateers are too scared if they win and dethklok is too distracted to ever play with him or they end up losing to quickly if charles plays against them

really wants kids. he babies his sister’s sons and daughters a TON (uncle charles always brings the best gifts :) ) and also treats toki like his own son in a way. toki doesnt mind, he really appreciates the love

speaking of, toki does call charles dad once and it makes charles cry for like. a week and a half

his favorite dethklok song is the gears :)

he likes to collect knives as a side hobby, his favorite of his collection is a sleek black one with skulls on the handle

he has a motorcycle and likes to drive it around sometimes to just be alone with himself. it’s all black with a red gear on it

lightweight but only if he drinks the amount dethklok drinks. can hold his alcohol fairly well if he drinks like a sensible human, prefers brandy and wine

he can smoke cigars to be sexy for me and me ONLY

likes to read in his spare time. he likes mystery novels and science fiction

he has soft spot for cheesy sitcoms, they’re his guilty pleasure

his favorite youtuber is lockpickinglawyer. yours should be too

usually sleeps in only his boxers but will wear a shirt if its’s cold. he tends to sleep on his side (also wants to be the little spoon when cuddled but he will never admit that)

takes vacations sometimes away from the boys despite his worry that something will go wrong (it will!). many of his vacations are usually going to visit his family and going to the shore with them, or travelling to somewhere new for a change (cue charles being a yakuza substory on his one vacation per year)

he can sew pretty well. learned from his mom and used to sew the whole his sister use to put through her soccer uniform.

can also do makeup, and usually does it for one of the boys of there’s no one else around to help

bites his lip when he’s nervous. which is a lot

likes chococat and gudetama. he’s a man of tastes

laughs really loud if you catch him off guard. he snorts sometimes too. he’s embarrassed by it, but i think its’ cute

loves law and order obviously 

he likes men

has a lot of pent up rage. very good at compressing it. sometimes

as high priest, he stays up very late trying to decipher the ancient prophecies that dethklok needed to fulfill. he doesnt sleep very much when he starts out because he misses home, so the band makes him come back (or else)

also as high priest he becomes more intune with magic granted to him after he died and he mainly uses his magic to protect his boys when they go back to being a band. also to fuck with them

the band he managed before dethklok was a band named savior who said they were a metal band with a unique sound, but that unique sound was actually just being a christian metal band that were bad at playing music. they also treated charles like shit and blamed him for them doing so poorly with sales and shows. had an unfortunate “accident” with a tour bus after charles had enough of their attitude towards him.  he denies he had anything to do with it (he did.)

Family/Childhood

He’s the baby of the family. Spoiled rotten to the max. He doesn’t admit it though but whenever he comes home you know he abuses the “:)c im the favorite” card

He has 4 older sisters: Caroline who is a high school civics teacher, Cynthia who is a librarian, Callie who is a coach for a soccer team, and Charlotte who is a lawyer/manager who manages Ladyklok, which gets awkward (and funny) when Abigail starts dating the lead singer Natalie

charles is actually one of the tallest in his family. his dad is 6’1 and his older sister Callie is 5’11. cynthia is 5’6, caroline is 5’6, and his mom and charlotte are 5’5.

his mom is a doctor and his dad is an accountant. his mom’s name is giovanna and his dad’s name is elijah

caroline is the oldest sister, followed by cynthia, callie, charlotte then charles.

Charlotte and Charles are sworn enemies since they were born on the same day a year apart and basically have the same job. They do love each other though

His father calls him Charles. Caroline and Cynthia call him Charlie. Callie calls him Chuck. Charlotte calls him Charles (derogatory). His mom calls him a whole slew of nicknames that she made up when he was young (she calls him cheese ball and he turns red)

caroline has a wife (lauren who is a chef) and two kids (evan and shelby)

cynthia is dating a coworker (viola)

callie has a husband (john who is a stay at home dad) and they have three kids (brenda, melissa, and jeff)

charlotte is dating ladyklok (and abigail). this is a weird flex on charles i think.

He had a race car bed when he was like 5

He also was also one of those kids at family game night. He almost killed Cynthia over a game of monopoly

Always got to lick the spoon first after his mom baked brownies

He grew up in North Jersey (derogatory) (also yes im projecting state shot)

He’s also Italian (derogatory)

He got bullied in middle school for a little bit but once his older sisters found out, oh boy did all hell break loose

Was in band in high school. He played flute (DONT TALK TO ME I LIKE PROJECTING), he was of course a soloist and incredibly smug about it

Took gymnastics as a kid. Can do a backflip on command. Also very flexible.

First manager gig was helping his sisters sell girl scout cookies. They raked in a lot of profits when baby bro was behind the scenes. His cut was eating thin mints for free

Loved Star Trek when he was a kid

Was incredibly gifted, and taught himself to read at a young age. didn’t talk that much though

was always sick when he was little. he would always get sinus infections and colds if someone even sneezed weird

was in mock trial in high school. one guy on his team was a jerk to him so charles made it a point to be this poor kid’s nemesis

was on the student council, treasurer of course.

was also in nhs, and he was treasurer there too

was that kid who insisted on doing the group project by himself because he didn’t want to wait on anyone to finish their part

was super rowdy as a kid, always got into trouble but his mom was a little lenient of punishment (hes a mommas boy)

when he was like super young he bit people cause he was just a little monster (charles' sisters: mom charles is biting again. charles, biting one of them: im not :/ sheesh)

wanted to be a lawyer since he was 7

put his own siblings and parents on trial and would win every trial and would always get the last cookie or a higher allowance

he shared his room with his sister Charlotte and they would set up a pillow fort on one of the beds and stay up late reading together 

loved going to the beach as a kid, his mom still has his collection of shells from the beach

on the boardwalk, he would dominate at claw machines anad carnival games. he won a bunch of plushies from himself (and his sisters obviously)

his dad and him have a super close bond. they watched star trek together and also like to watch how the stock market would do. his dad was also sometimes the judge in charles’ mock trials at home

they were very supportive when he came out as gay, he was also the first of his sibilings to come out of the closet

College

Got his masters in business management at rutgers and a JD (law degree) from seton hall law.

Started college when he was 18 (1983) and ended college when he was 26 (1991)

Wasn’t a party guy. Never got invited to many, but he never went unless a certain redhead was in town

Sustained himself off of ramen, coffee, and SSRIs to get his masters (hey man i feel ya)

Did weed like three times. Three of those times were because of, you guessed it, a certain redhead

Speaking of, his first time having sex was in his dorm with Pickles. Pickles also kicked him off of the bed (those beds are fucking tiny) while they slept, and almost burned Charles’ dorm down trying to make toast the next morning

Absolute did not do essays until the night before. Bad habit that made it’s way into Dethklok managing when he’s forced to write a legal brief before 12 am.

Loved calculus 2 for some reason. Nerd

Had a mullet. Pickles thought it was hot (still is) while Charles would rather die than remember anything about that horrid hairdo

Also went through his goth/emo phase while in Law School. He stuck out amongst the sea of sweater vests and polo shirts

Was in a band with his fellow college bandmates. The band was called Habeas Corpses and he was the lead singer who also played guitar. Their sound was kind of similar to TWRP’s first two EPs (The Device and 2nite). they had a grunge aesthetic, and yes charles dyed his mullet black (with a purple streak), for the band.

his bandmates were all fellow law students. dillan was on drums, margaret was their bass guitar, and nick was their keyboardist. all three of them also got tutored by charles while in law school. they are still best friends and write to each other sometimes

Was on the debate team, but uh kicked off due to be very competitive (he threatened to punch the opposing debater)

Was also in the chess club, also kicked off for being too competitive (lunged at a kid for cheating)

After being kicked from the two previous clubs, he joined fencing, his very competitive nature made him the best in the state

nick (the guy in charles’ band) was charles’ roommate the whole time they were in college. they may or may not have had a brief relationship before they realized they would be better as friends

nick also has a nes and charles loved to played zelda and wrote an entire guide for himself because he’s was that into the game (nerd)

occasionally would be found sleeping in the library on campus

wanted to be an RA but the resident association at his schools thought he was a little much. charles took this as a compliment

worked out a lot between studying and classes. a lot of jocks underestimated him because of his size but charles was just :) [casually lifts something heavy]

a lot of fellow classmates thought he was super cool cause of the leather he wore, and how cool and quiet he was, too bad they didnt know he was a huge nerd

tried skateboarding. once.

had a cadillac that barely started and drove like a piece of shit but that was charles’ baby

pickles tried to have sex with charles in said car btw, charles almost killed him for even daring to suggest to tarnish his beautiful baby

has damaged his back permanently because of all the books he used to carry around in his crappy back pack

did some modelling for one of his friends in college. he was very attractive and got some other modelling job through it. he tries to hide that from the boys in the future because he thinks it’s embarrassing

Relationship with Dethklok

Pickles - he’s known the drummer the longest out of any other member, and if you couldn’t tell by now, he had a brief relationship with the drummer back in the 80s (and maybe also still has a crush on him :)). charles respects and admires pickles’ talent as a musician and sometimes they play together when they have time alone. he tries to be there when pickles has a relapse in either emotions with his family or something else, but still tries to maintain a distance because he thinks that pickles doesn’t feel the same as he did in the 80s. (he does btw). nothing could break the bond these two share. not even death

Nathan - understands nathan’s quiet nature (nonverbal kings!) and strive for perfection in everything dethklok creates because he is the same way. their similarities allow them to connect on a level that allows nathan to open up about his feelings that he likes to lock away. nathan also gets charles to open his feelings up and actually care for himself for once in his damn life. charles also helps nathan with the depression he develops after charles dies and how to deal with it despite it being not brutal. nathan wants to give back and he does by becoming one of charles’ closest friends (and maybe even lovers hehehe)

Toki - charles has taken it upon himself to be toki’s father figure after seeing the way toki’s family has left him for essentially dead. ever since toki joined the band, charles has made it a point to be there for him whenever he needed it. even if it meant spending late nights reading to toki or sleeping over in toki’s room to help him sleep, he’ll do it. he blames himself for toki’s disappearance but toki assures him that he did the best he could. toki calls him dad a lot after doomstar. it makes charles cry.

Skwisgaar - unstoppable asshole meets immovable object. skwisgaar sees himself above everyone else like he does with the other dethklok members but with charles, skwisgaar knows that charles isn’t intimidated by him nor will he bow to the guitar god in anyway. this develops a game of cat and mouse between the two, with skwisgaar trying to no subtly push charles’ buttons and to see what makes him ticks, while charles resist him at every turn with a smug ‘:) is that all you got’ and it delights him to finally see the guitarist squirm under pressure.

Murderface - at first the two are very. distant to say the least. murderface used to see charles as unemotional robot and charles was fine with that and accepted the distance. overtime however, and especially after charles died, murderface warmed up to charles confiding in him things he hasn’t told the band, mainly things about his insecurities because charles is ‘fucking smart with crap like this’. and charles helps him and is happy to see him work out his problems and not bottle them anymore like the rest of his bandmates. charles also enjoys murderface’s company as a friend as well. and….he’s gonna help murderface the most with the whole traitor stuff too.

Abigail - mlm and wlw hostility. but seriously they’re good buds. he sympathizes with having to deal the moronic actions of dethklok on a daily basis and also thinks she’s really intelligent and overall fun to hang out with. they take lunch breaks frequently together and like to make fun of people at dethklok dinners together as a fun activity together. abigail will bully his ass once she finds out she’s dating charles’ sister and WILL bring up those baby pictures to get a higher raise thank you very much

Knubbler - can you say coworker besties! like abigail, he gets along because they both have to deal with dethklok being, well dethklok, but with knubbler, charles can relax a little more. the two cause problems on purpose just because they can. the two are also close friends and knubbler tries to get charles to relax for once in his life, and despite charles protests and objections, he sometimes caves and hands out with his friend (maybe boyfriend OOOOO who knows)

Sex Headcanons (IM SORRY)

um maybe he can have a giant dick (10 inches for me), it do be swinging though

daddy kink (everyone stay on this side, ill take care of him….come to daddy ;)c)

likes to do roleplay. he has a lot of costumes prepared for when his partner wants to do a scene with him

likes to bite and be bitten during sex. after a very long night, he’ll be covered in bite marks, it’s kinda hot

no gag reflex ;) he likes to deepthroat but good luck trying to get him to go down on you without him teasing

remember how i said he was flexible like eight times? yeah he uh, uses that a lot to his advantage. likes being fucked in weird positions because of it

the suit stays on during sex

he likes topping because he likes to be in control of everything he does all the time, but really wants to be told what to do sometimes and will let those he trusts do that for him

he has a dick piercing i know it

he's a very busy man, so he relies on his huge collection of toys he keeps in his bedroom and office

really good with his hands. as soon as those hands are on you, its game over

he loves to do it on his desk, makes him feel powerful. when he gets blown under his desk, it really takes all of his willpower to not cum immediately

really sensitive in weird places, specifically his ears

he likes to cuddle after sex, hes the little spoon :)

likes to be tied up, sometimes he’ll get tied up under his suit

mating press and riding are his favorite positions, giving and receiving

size queen, likes large toys and well ;)

has a private room that he sometimes goes to relieve stress, it has a fucking machine that he likes to use often when his job gets too stressful

he’s sucking people off at the klokateer glory hole, he’s uh, very good at what he does

likes to be spanked and like to spank

uses collars and leashes

maybe the klokateers can fuck him, if they’re good ;)

freeballing

likes cum on his face but doesn't seem to realize that means he’ll get cum on his glasses and will need to clean them

he can wear a chastity belt :) for me

likes being came in but will still complain about being gross after

pretty much up for anything, he’s not picky, he just wants to be in control and get off

[stevenbasic]

I know there are guys like this, Melissa thought to herself, guys like this all over the place. Guys that collect pictures of girls, built girls, save them all on their computers to do...ewww...whatever it is they do with them. She had some guys like that, still, she knew, as Instagram followers, even on her new, now-private profile. There was a smattering of guys, she knew, who basically stalked her, perved over her every post. She tended to indulge them, from time-to-time, throw them a little bone here or there, some cleavage, whatever. It was fun, for a while, she’d get a kick out of it, casually teasing these guys who simped for her. But it had kinda gotten old. Now it was more her friends who seemed to love it, love seeing it, love laughing at the guys. It was harmless enough fun, and these men were just sorta silly and pathetic. I just didn’t think Dr J was one of them…

She had needed to see for herself, have some time to process. It was eight AM but she’d needed to see for herself, all these pictures of her that Randi and Marisela told her he’d supposedly been hoarding on his office computer. On a Tuesday like this one she’d have plenty of time; he’d be doing his rounds at the hospital until mid-morning, when he’d return to the office. She’d closed his door so she’d be undisturbed as the other girls drifted into work. Melissa knew she needed to come to terms with this, and see what was on his computer for herself, especially after what Marisela had told her about what was going on….that kinda made her mad, too.

Okay, there it is, right where Marisela said it’d be, she thought. On his hard drive, the folder labeled “Protected”. Let’s see if this password works...

oh, my…

For some reason Melissa had found herself earlier this morning, while getting ready, almost unconsciously putting on heavier makeup, applying more layers of gloss and lipstick than she knew she should. She’d found herself pulling out a striped red dress, one that cinched too tight to her waist which - despite everything else getting bigger these days - seemed to be, if anything, slowly disappearing. This dress clung too tightly to her torso, she realized, its horizontal stripes only emphasizing the size of the bust she’d packed tightly this morning into her new, bigger bra. This dress was also wayyy too short, she knew, revealing too much of the long, flawless legs that she’d tanned to a deep olive in her week in the sun, sculpted in the gym to heavily-muscled perfection. It covered her overly-shapely rear, she also knew, but left little to the imagination as to its full size; her ass had grown huge, recently, and this dress surely did nothing to hide that. The heels she chose - yellow and too tall, really, to be appropriate for the office - would only highlight the muscle tone of her already large calves, make her glutes look even fuller, shift her weight to pull her shoulders back, further emphasizing her bust and exaggerating the already unmistakeably feminine aspects of her gait. Her hair, as well, she’d fluffed out more than usual this morning...why? The one thing she found herself foregoing, though, was perfume. I’ve been making enough of that myself, already, she’d thought, I don’t need it.

Oh, no, look at all this, Melissa lamented, finally opening the folder labeled “Melissa” and then audibly gasping at its contents...countless pictures of her. Where did he find it all? How much time has he spent collecting these?? She began to scroll through the thumbnails, everything from current images grabbed from her Instagram to old modeling pics he must have found in the internet to...where did he ever find these ones from Hooters?!?

Suddenly she was overcome when an image of him - sitting in this very chair, looking at these pictures and rubbing himself, sliding his hand into his pants - flashed into her head.

Is that what you do with these? Why else would you be...collecting them? Oh, Dr. J...not you, too?

As she marveled, wide-eyed, beginning to grasp the enormity of his collection, of just how many pictures of her he’d accumulated, it dawned on her: he also has dozens upon dozens of pictures of her in a bikini, from the past week - on his ph-..oh, wait. Oh god. He’s downloaded them all into here already...there’s a whole folder, a new one, called “conference”. 

Part of me wishes they never told me...

She flashed back, for the moment, to early yesterday morning, Monday in her new office with Randi and Marisela…

“...we got in last week, finally, Marisela cracked it,” Randi had said, “I just knew he’d have a porn stash. But that there’s so much of YOU in it…?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry Melissa,” Marisela had added, “The guy’s a total perv. We’ve known that for years…”

If nothing else she marveled, as she scrolled through the thumbnails, at his diligence, I haven’t seen some of these in ages. 

Another image flashed into her head, again him sitting at this desk with these pictures - god, he’s much smaller than me, isn’t he? He wouldn’t fill up this chair nearly as much as I do -  with his pants unzipped, pulled down his hips, he’s groaning. Looking at these pictures, zooming in on that one. 

His legs are so skinny compared to mine, she thought, as she felt her own body unconsciously flexing, his arms and shoulders so thin and weak. 

Why...why did this make her shiver a bit? Why did her mind keep picturing him...wanting to see him when he’d opened up this folder and started to-

But he shouldn’t be doing this! It’s like cheating on his wife. No matter what’s going on between him and Sheryl, he’s still a married man. Melissa could understand why Sheryl’d be mad. Yes, but…

Melissa flashed back again...

“Why are you so shocked?” Randi had asked her, “They’re all like this, every single one. Every single boss you’d ever had.”

At first, she admits, she was shocked. She couldn’t believe what they’d told her, shown her with the screen caps from his desktop - it can’t be!! this is the honorable, upstanding, respectable Dr J!! He’s not like the rest of them, all those other guys, is he?? Obsessive, fixated...

After the initial shock, the disbelief, she got kinda angry - she took this job thinking she was going to be valued for her brains, education, skills. She thought this job would allow her to develop in ways that other jobs, with other bosses, hadn’t. She’d always been a special girl, different from the rest. She had a unique way, she knew, of “growing into the job” - it’s what her mother called it. “Rising to the challenge of a new endeavor” she’d said, become what would allow her the greatest success. Problem had always been, though, that the best way to succeed at her old jobs had turned out to be the same. At Hooters it made sense, even in high school. But with frustration she’d found the same thing happened to her at Nordstrom’s, at the DMV, and at the Dealership. Instead of getting smarter, learning more, becoming more able and capable, she’d just gotten...curvier. Added cup sizes, inches to her hips. This job, after finally getting her degree, was supposed to be different. But now, seeing this screenshot of dozens of pictures of her from her boss’ porn stash, she was finally convinced that, once again she was hired just for her tits. She knew, of course, that he’d found her attractive. That he, being just a guy, could be pretty easily manipulated if she set her mind - and hourglass figure - to it. That she could get what she wanted at the office, be successful in her new position, because of her appearance. That would explain the two - no, three - new sets of bras. Why she’d torn through her yoga pants last week. His tastes were for curves upon curves...lots of guys’ were. And she figured she was growing faster here than at the old jobs because, well...she had become his friend. She’d spent more time with him. She’d grown to, well...really like him, more than she’d ever really admit. So maybe there were other things fueling her, uh, developments. But, again - he was married!

It was so confusing!

She could help it, another image came to her. This time he was still here alone in his office, maybe after hours, doors locked, knowing he’s alone - but now he was blatantly jerking off, pants down, around his ankles. Jerking off and leering at these pictures of her, this time looking - ohh why is this doing this to me?? Making my heart race?? - even smaller. He seemed to be shrunken, a small, small man, wide-eyed and staring, unblinking, at his screen. He was grunting, like a little animal, and shaking back and forth with his efforts.

She flashed back again...

”I know, I know,” Melissa had said, bemoaning this new situation, as if she was grieving some loss, “I know I had him up on a pedestal. I know it was maybe unreasonable. But now….now what am I supposed to do?”

“Missy, relax,” Randi had replied, “Just think- who was able to take him down off of that pedestal? Who did he have pictures of on his computer in a folder that he’s accessed...look at this...more than -four hundred- times? You! You! Face it You got where you are not just through hard work at school. You did hard work at the gym, building yourself in other ways. Despite everything you rose up at Hooters, at the DMV, at the dealership. You are YOU, and that’s what’s bringing you all this success. You as a person, your mind and your body.”

”I guess you’re right…” Melissa had said.

“Of course I am,” Randi had replied, “Use it all, use all you got. Not just your degree-“ At that she’d reached out and grabbed Melissa’s huge breasts, hands sinking into her pliancy, “but these too! Women have to use everything they have to take what they can get.”

The next image, in her mind, was one where he’s dramatically smaller still: How did he even get into the chair? He’s so little... His feet, dangling above the ground, hovered over his pants, now in a pile. He’s naked, in fact, and he’s so small he can barely see over the desk to the monitor, can barely reach his mouse to scroll, to click, to open picture after picture after picture of her. His groans and grunts have changed to whines and he sounds so needy as he’s trying and trying and trying to-

Groaning herself, Melissa was nearly overcome with the thought, and had to catch herself from sliding her hand between her own thick, bare thighs. What was this warmth? What was this subtle swelling in her chest? Why is this doing this to me?!? 

She flashes back again

“I guess it can't be helped, looking the way I do...” Melissa said, still in half-pout.

 “Don't feel bad, Missy, this is good,” Randi said, as Marisela just watched, observing these two, trying not to judge, learning, “Look at these folders he has - it’s not all of you. Look at all these pictures, these videos. It’s...worshipful. He’s in sheer awe of these women, and you’re one of them.”

Melissa nodded, new wheels, gears in the machinery of her inner self that she didn’t know existed, cranking to life, beginning to turn.

“You can use this to your advantage - to our advantage,” Randi added, encouraging her friend. Though remaining quiet, Marisela’s own pulse had begun to race, listening, hearing the subtext, thinking back on the conversations she and Randi had had. For her own part, Melissa’s feelings were still conflicted. Petulant anger and outright female outrage were at odds with the genuine affection she felt for him, an affection that more and more had been turning into...something deeper. A tugging at her belly. Something rich and wonderful she saw blossoming, when she closed her eyes and thought of him...thought of holding, thought of-

“If he honesty gets off to this sort of thing,” Randi pressed on, pointing at folders in the screenshot image from his desktop, folders labeled “Breast Expansion” or “Amazons” - “if that’s what he really wants....well, Missy. You could make him the happiest man on earth...”

=========================================================================

Original morph in the first image by Migsanch, and help with some of the dialogue by Antares.

[lyranova]

100 Follower Event!

Hi guys~! So this was requested by @melissa-novachrono , it’s a Marx x reader and I hope you like it dear I’m sorry if it isn’t very good and is kinda sad-ish 😅. But i hope you all enjoy, i user a GN reader because I forgot to ask what pronouns everyone wanted oops.

Word Count: 831

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: None

———

Y/N sighed as they rolled over in bed, they were expecting to feel their boyfriend Marx’s warm body next to theirs but frowned when all they felt was a cold empty space. Y/N opened their eyes and confirmed their suspicions; he wasn’t there. They rubbed their eyes tiredly as they sat up and looked around the room, where could Marx possibly be at this hour? Y/N looked out their bedroom window and saw the sun was beginning to rise and they quickly scrambled out of bed and walked out of their shared room.

“ Marx?” They called softly, looking around, they noticed smoke coming from a candle at his desk. Y/N frowned and looked around the room when they noticed the doors leading out to the balcony were slightly open. They walked over to them and noticed Marx sitting in a chair, a cup of coffee on the table next to him, and papers in his lap. Y/N sighed in relief before walking out the doors.

“ There you are.” They announced, causing Marx to jump. He placed a hand on his chest before letting out a sigh, he looked over and frowned.

“ Y/N, you scared me half to death.” He said, they only laughed softly before walking over and sitting down in the chair next to him.

“ I’m sorry love, I just couldn’t resist.” They teased before grabbing one of the papers and reading it over. “ What’s this?” Marx quickly snatched the paper out of their hands and placed it in his lap.

“ Nothing. Don’t worry about it.” Marx told them quickly, Y/N frowned seriously.

“ It’s about the Spade Kingdom, isn’t it?” By the look on their boyfriends face at the mention of the Kingdom, they knew they hit the nail on the head. Y/N sighed before turning to look at the rising sun.

“ They’re strong. Stronger than what we first thought and it’s terrifying.” He admitted while looking away. “ I don’t know if we’ll be able to defeat them.” Y/N’s face paled and they looked down into their lap thoughtfully.

“ We’ll beat them.” They finally said with determination in their voice causing Marx to look up in surprise. “ I have no doubts that they’re strong, but we’re stronger. Yes right now Julius is powerless, but as long as we have him, have each other, and we all stick together there isn’t anything that can defeat us!”

Marx looked at Y/N in surprise, how could they be so confident? Especially after knowing everything that they knew? They were still so certain they could defeat them. He chuckled a bit and shook his head, that was one of the many things he loved about them, their confidence, ambition, and determination among other things. He grabbed Y/N’s hand and brought it up to his lips, placing a gentle kiss on the back of their hand.

“ Thank you Y/N, although I’m not as confident as you are about this. I feel a little better knowing I have you, who believes in me and this kingdom, by my side.” He told them softly, continuing to hold their hand. Y/N blushed and shook their head.

“ I didn’t do anything, not really anyway. I just pointed out that we can do anything as long as we’re all together.” Y/N said with a warm smile, they loved when they could help Marx with a problem he was having. But as confident as Y/N seemed, they were also very afraid about what would happen with the war. They just didn’t want Marx to worry so they hid it.

“ Yes you did. You’ve helped more than you know.” He told them before turning to look at the sun, it looked so warm and inviting, but hiding behind it was a cold darkness, one that would soon consume the kingdom and its people.

“ Beautiful isn’t it?” Y/N suddenly asked, they too were looking at the sun. But Marx shook his head.

“ I can think of something more beautiful than that.” He told them, causing Y/N to bust out laughing which made Marx frown. “ What?”

“ You’re spending too much time with Julius!” They said between their fits of laughter. “ His corniness is starting to rub off on you!” They added before grabbing their sides as they continued to laugh.

Marx blinked in confusion, he didn’t think Julius’s corny jokes were rubbing off on him. But after a minute he realized that Julius had indeed said that to his own girlfriend one morning a long long time ago, he shook his head and began to laugh himself. They needed to laugh, they needed to be happy if only for a moment, especially with all that was to happen in the coming days. All the tears that would be shed, all the lives that would be lost. But for now, the couple tried to enjoy their time together, tried to enjoy the calm and peaceful sunrise.

——-

Thanks for reading and I apologize if this isn’t very good, I hope you enjoyed Melissa and I hope you like it 🥺💗! Thanks for reading and I hope you all have a good day~!

[parvuls]

a post that serves no purpose;

several hundred sterek fics later, all i want to do is write a giant-ass, heart-wrenching fix it fic. nobody dies. it's the summer before college. they've all nearly been killed a thousand times but they're not friends yet, because being pack is a bit like being a family: they didn't really get to choose. and derek's retreating even further into himself because he's sort of figured out how to be a good alpha under threat, but he doesn't know how to do it when it's peaceful, doesn't know how they'll survive everyone moving away to college.

but he needs a distraction to make sure he won't take it out on them, so he starts tearing the old hale house apart. and then issac sees him one day, says nothing, but the next morning the entire pack shows up in comfortable clothing and tied back hair.

boyd has an uncle that works in construction. cora's been thinking of studying architecture. stiles' dad gets them necessary permits. they start by tearing the entire thing to the ground and every burnt panel, every broken tile they throw away is therapeutic. they've been running and running to survive and now they get to swing hammers and punch at walls and lets the anger and frustration seep out in a controlled environment.

lydia and erica bond first, against all odds; they deal with vulnerability in similar ways. then it's jackson and issac, whose repressed anger isn't the same but isn't much different. then cora and boyd, who find common hobbies, and stiles and allison, who've both felt like outsiders in different ways and have been in each other's orbit around scott for years without really bonding enough. malia starts talking to derek, doesn't expect him to slowly start speaking back. kira turns 18 over the summer and they all sit around on stacked piles of woods with only the cars' lights chasing the darkness away because no way are they lighting a fire in these woods ever again. erica bakes shitty cupcakes and scott accidentally buys too few forks and it's awkward as shit, they've never sat around and tried just -- being friends. nobody really knows what to say.

stiles starts a would you rather game, supernatural edition. would you rather be killed by lizard jackson or one of the alpha pack. it's not funny, it's too soon, but it cuts so close to the core of the tension that lydia snorts and answers anyway. then cora opens another round. pretty soon they're just sharing stories from almost three years of adventures and there, in the woods with the pink frosting of erica's cupcakes on their fingers, it's pretty easy to laugh at them. everything sounds so ridiculous.

then derek tells them about something laura did at school when they were young, and cora nearly busts a lung laughing when she remembers, and stiles is kinda aching for them so offers back that time he and scott did that thing to harris, and all of a sudden they're all just sitting around telling funny, completely normal shit that happened to them.

they start building a new house from the grounds up two weeks after that. they pick things like wallpapers and rugs, visit an ikea store -- all twelve of them, which is a terrible idea but it's probably the best day of summer. all of the non-wolves start getting serious definition in their muscles from carrying and nailing and tearing and pounding. they all have shitty tan lines, it's hilarious.

the new house has giant windows and a vegetable garden and is built out of concrete that will never, ever burn again. the summer can't last forever and they don't move in, this isn't a bizzaro frat house -- most of them have got families, homes. colleges to go off to.

but now they also have a place to come back to. something they've built with their own bare hands, together. people to come back to who they've bled for, will bleed for again, but can also call when they're drunk at three a.m. and just want to talk about nothing with for awhile.

this is a post that serves no purpose: i will never write this, i haven't even watched the show. and it will be filled with fanon, because i love fanon, stuffed with sheriff called john and scott/allison forever and melissa being pack and derek loving stiles. but i've got a ton of feelings and they had to go somewhere.

[andrewmoocow]

Steven Universe Alternate Future chapter 16: Enemy of my Enemy (originally published on May 3, 2021)

AN: At long last, Black Rutile strikes! I have been anticipating writing this inevitable confrontation between her and the Crystal Gems for ages, and now finally everything I've building up to these past two parts will come together in a neat little package! We got a big battle, a villain song, fusions, who could ask for more?! But I'm getting ahead of myself, let us finally begin.

Synopsis: Jasper is unofficially sworn into the Crystal Gems when some old foes come together.

Cast:

Zach Callison as Steven

Estelle as Garnet

Michaela Dietz as Amethyst

Deedee Magno-Hall as Pearl

Noël Wells as Black Rutile

Lauren Ash as White Topaz

Grace Rolek as Connie

Jennifer Paz as Lapis, Zuli, Mean Lapis

Shelby Rabara as Peridot, Squaridot

Uzo Aduba as Bismuth

Matthew Moy as Lars, Dante

Kathleen Fisher as Fluorite

Enuka Okuma as Rhodonite

Ashly Burch as Rutile Twins

Erica Luttrell as Padparadscha Sapphire

Christine Baranski as Hessonite

Della Saba as Aquamarine

Charlyne Yi as Eyeball

Larissa Gallagher as Bluebird Azurite

Jinkx Monsoon as Emerald

Melissa Fahn as Demantoid

Kari Wahlgren as Pyrope

Kimberly Brooks as Jasper, Biggs Jasper

Aparna Nancherla as Nephrite

Michelle Maryk as Larimar

Ian Jones-Quartey as Snowflake Obsidian

Amy Sedaris as Teal Zircon

Martha Higerada as Topaz

Dee Bradley Baker as Lion, George, Elaine, Cosma

AJ Michalka as Stevonnie

Nancy Linari as Martha

Featuring Catherine Tate as Lepidolite

Alan Oppenheimer as Professor Poindexter

And Burt Ward as Mangolin

--

It has been a hectic past few hours for Steven. He was having another nice day when suddenly, Hessonite, Squaridot, and the Off-Colors all came flying out of Lion's mane, telling him that Lars needs to see him just as the Destiny Destroyer crash-landed on the beach.

Not too long after, Lars was rushed to the hospital and Steven decided to follow him in the ambulance. Steven had never been to a hospital before, so it was a little frightening for him to be somewhere on Earth that he had never been before, especially since many humans go there regularly.

"Hello, did you admit any patients into this place recently?" Steven hurriedly asked the receptionist.

"Name please." the college-aged receptionist answered, barely glancing up from her phone to meet Steven's panicking eyes.

"Steven Universe!" Steven gave his name.

"You're going to have to be more specific Mr. Universe." the receptionist stated.

"He's got pink skin, a scar over one eye and his hair is a portal to a pocket dimension where there's like a couple of trees inside." Steven explained. The woman just stared at Steven in confusion for a bit before going back to her phone. "Anything the matter, miss?"

"I'm happy you said all of that with a straight face." the receptionist said, putting down her phone to go on the computer. "One sec Universe." She looked up the most recent patients on the monitor and turned it to show Steven his desired patient. "Are you looking for Mr. Laramie Barriga?"

"Yes, that's him!" Steven exclaimed. "I was there when he got taken away in that ambulance! Where is he now?"

"Room 723." the receptionist answered. "Take the elevator, make a left and then a right. Got that?"

Before the woman could turn back, Steven had already vanished to find Lars. "Kids." she grumbled.

As Steven raced through the hospital in search of his undead friend, numerous unfamiliar sights greeted him. A doctor's office contained a child receiving a flu shot, a man in a wheelchair let Steven pass him by, a woman was on her way to an operating room, and a doctor solemnly fixed an empty hospital bed while a family was mourning.

Finally, Steven reached Room 723 just as a nurse was passing by the room. "Hello, I'm a friend of the patient occupying this room, and the Off-Colors told me what happened. Can I please come in and visit him?"

"You may." The nurse replied and opened the door for Steven. "Doctor Laurie, our patient has one more visitor." She said to the doctor standing by a bedridden Lars along with his parents, Sadie and Shep. "He said a bunch of "Off-Colors" told him everything."

"I'm here Lars!" Steven exclaimed as he rushed into the hospital room to be by Lars's side. "Hessonite and the Off-Colors told me what happened after they came flying out of Lion's mane!"

"Steven, finally!" Lars cried happily as he grabbed Steven's shoulders. "Listen, I need to warn you! You and the entire planet are doomed!"

--

A little while later, Lars was given a clean bill of health and was allowed to go home by ambulance. He sat on one side of the ambulance with his parents while Steven sat on the other end, and Lars continued to reveal what happened on Homeworld.

"What I'm trying to say Steven is that there's this Gem who's been inspiring others to rebel against you and Era 3!" Lars explained. "She's gathered up tons of your old enemies so they can get revenge too, and they're coming for Earth!"

"Lars, I understand your concern," Steven calmly stated. "but you're getting a little wound up over nothing. Almost everyone loves what I've done to the Gem race. There's nothing bigger going on, outside of Aquamarine being annoying."

"Seriously, you don't believe me?" Lars flatly asked in disbelief. "Well, do you at least believe what Hessonite said?"

"I believe that you teamed up for a fun space adventure!" Steven answered before his phone started ringing. "Whoops, got a call from Garnet." he said before answering the call. "Hello?"

"Steven, you need to come to Little Homeworld quick!" Garnet urged Steven from the other end. "Rogue Gems are on the attack, and they want us dead! Me, Amethyst, Pearl, Lapis, Peridot and Bismuth have already helped evacuate everyone, but we still need you to save the day again!"

"I'll be right there!" Steven bravely declared before hanging up and turning to the driver. "Sir, I need you to take us to Little Homeworld!"

"It's an emergency!" Lars added while showing him a picture of the Gem village.

"I don't see why not." the driver replied as he made a detour to Little Homeworld.

"You sure about this Lars?" Dante asked his son. "I mean, you just survived falling from space, I don't think we can handle you risking your life again so soon!"

"I promise you guys, I'll be back home when this is all over and I'm back in space." Lars assured his parents and hugged them.

"Be safe Laramie." Nancy said. "But then again, you got Steven to help out."

"Yeah, he's got me alright." Steven assured Mr. and Mrs. Barriga.

"Okay kid, we're here." the ambulance driver declared as the vehicle came close to Little Homeworld. "This is probably the first time I've escorted someone to stop an alien invasion."

"Here's good, thanks, sir." Steven said before the two boys bust the ambulance doors open and raced off to Little Homeworld.

--

What the pair discovered when they finally reached Little Homeworld was utter chaos. Almost everything was in ruins, smoke billowed everywhere, Light Warriors, Cluster Gems & Cactus Stevens were pillaging & demolishing, and at the center of it all was Aquamarine and Eyeball.

"Steven Universe, what a most pleasant surprise." Aquamarine purred as she turned to face Steven and Lars, batting her wand in her hand. "And look you've even brought Lars as well."

"Aquamarine, Eyeball." Steven laughed nervously while looking at the chaos behind the pair. "Did you, uh, maybe come to reconsider?"

"Reconsider, my facet!" Eyeball yelled before her fusion partner stopped her.

"But we did come with a few new friends." Aquamarine answered smugly.

"Well, that's certainly a start." Steven grinned before a massive hand made of water grabbed him and its creator brought him up to face her. "Hey, you're one of those Lapises! What brings you to Earth?"

"Sorry kid, I'm one of those new friends." Lapis 1J9G announced before dropping Steven to the ground and folding her arms as she landed right next to Aquamarine. "And we're afraid not even half-listening to you will work this time."

"See Steven, this is what I was trying to talk to you about!" Lars exclaimed, gesturing wildly to the three Gems. "A bunch of Gems want to get back at you! Though I thought there'd be more."

"I believe he's referring to me." Emerald bragged as she stepped forward with a panicking George in her hand.

"George!" Steven shouted. "And you, I know you! You're uh," He began getting off track as he only ever saw Emerald through a video screen. "Sorry, I've only met you that one time and now I've kinda forgotten-"

"IT'S EMERALD!" Emerald shrieked furiously. "How could you forget about me after Era 3 made the Diamonds let Lars off with a slap on the wrist for stealing my Sun Incinerator?!"

"Oh, calm yourself Emerald." Pyrope calmed the elite Gem down as she held aloft one of George's sisters, who was in full panic mode and pulling on her pigtails.

"Indeed," Demantoid added, also holding one of George's sisters in her enhanced arm. "You wouldn't want to make yourself less presentable for our victims."

Just then, the six Gems moved aside and kneeled to their leader, whose very appearance completely rocked Steven's world. Black Rutile walked towards Steven with a bowie knife to a rose while White Topaz followed her. When she cut the rose's head, Black Rutile finally faced Steven with an evil smile.

"I know you, you're that reporter!" Steven exclaimed. "Why are you hanging with these guys?!"

"I'm hanging with them?" Black Rutile scoffed at Steven. "I believe you're mistaken; THEY'RE hanging with ME!" She then threw away the rose's stem and steepled her fingers together. "Anyways, do you have any last words?"

"This is not good at all certainly fits." Steven declared nervously before the eight Gems slowly began marching towards the boy, eager to finally get their revenge.

However, their plans were quickly cut off before they could be put into action as Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl swooped into saved Steven and Lars from the rogue Gems.

"We trusted you, you psycho!" Pearl roared while her spear clashed with Black Rutile's knife.

"And everyone was dumb enough to trust you." Black Rutile replied snarkily. "So as you humans say, hello pot, meet kettle."

"Seriously, what makes you think we're worse than you are?" Amethyst asked.

"Something about how your ways will make the Gem race a bunch of puny hippies or whatever." White Topaz answered. "No hard feelings when we destroy you and everything you worked so hard for?"

"What did I tell you about getting friendly with the enemy?" Black Rutile hissed at her Topaz bodyguard before turning back to the Crystal Gems. "Now, let me repeat myself. Any last words?"

"My future vision tells me you will fail." Garnet declared defiantly. "And we will find a way to make that future happen."

"Such noble sentiments from a couple of Gems who are gonna die!" Black Rutile replied as her knife turned into a sword that she prepared to slash the Gems with until a loud rumbling sound was heard. "What was that?"

"Need a hand?" Peridot asked as she, Lapis, and Bismuth appeared on a makeshift flying machine made out of scrap metal that she controlled with her ferrokinesis.

"So that's where you ran off to!" Pearl exclaimed while Bismuth picked her up by the hand to toss onto the metal pad.

"No time to talk, we have to move!" Lapis exclaimed, picking everyone else up with her water powers. When everyone was on board, the pad zoomed off.

"Uh, why aren't we stopping them?!" Lapis 1J9G exclaimed before preparing to fly off when Black Rutile stopped her.

"Let them run." Black Rutile smiled deviously. "I want to see how they can lie their ways out of this situation. But in the meantime, I have another idea."

--

Before the Crystal Gems knew it, they finally returned to the beach house where Hessonite, Squaridot, and the Off-Colors awaited their return.

"I still can't believe it!" Steven gasped in denial of their current situation. "I get that not everyone would like what I've done with Homeworld, but I don't think I'd make them angry enough to want to kill me!"

"I tried to warn you, Steven." Lars declared sassily. "But you just didn't listen! Probably because you're so in denial of wanting to accept that not everything will go your way."

"Lars, this is no time for backtalk, Earth could be in danger!" Pearl scolded the pink-skinned human as the group walked into the house to think of a plan. "That Rutile seems to have thought of everything! I mean, she's a Rutile for crying out loud, they barely held any power in Homeworld!" However, Pearl then turned to the Rutile twins standing right next to her. "Uh, no offense you two."

"None taken." The twins replied.

"Still, she's got quite an army at her side." Lapis said. "She's got one of those Lapises I fought on Aozul 2, she's got Aquamarine, Eyeball, Pyrope & Demantoid, an Emerald, and that's not even accounting for the minions they got!"

"But what does Black Rutile want with us?" Peridot and Squaridot asked in unknowing unison.

"According to her Topaz, it must be something to do with that Steven did to the Gem race." Bismuth analyzed. "But who knows what she'll do next?"

"I know." Garnet declared. "I've looked through dozens of possible timelines trying to uncover Black Rutile's true plans. This is what I feel could be the worst possible one."

"What does it look like?" Steven asked before Garnet kissed him on the head, temporarily bestowing Steven with her future vision and a glimpse at what could be to come.

--

It took centuries of careful planning but at long last, Black Rutile had finally won. Once the Crystal Gems were finally destroyed and she indoctrinated the Gems they had enslaved to her noble cause, she then reawakened the Cluster that was slumbering within the Earth's crust, ultimately finishing what the Diamonds were too cowardly to do and destroying that annoying little planet once and for all.

Within mere weeks, the Diamonds met their demise, and Black Rutile installed herself as the new ruler of all Gemkind. And with the beginnings of her dictatorship came the Gems reverting to their old ways during Era 4. The caste system was reinstated but also reinvented at the same time. Now, it was Black Rutile above everyone else.

As countless Gems were tormented into building a grand statue to their magnanimous leader, a lone Pearl solemnly marched through the throngs of enslaved Gems under the orders of Emerald, until she was brought before Black Rutile, who was sitting on a throne as black as her body & her heart while the shattered remains of all who opposed her hanged above her in one big bubble.

"My Rutile, I come with the most glorious of tidings." Emerald decreed as she shoved Volleyball forward. "We have succeeded in terminating the resistance, but I feel you'd find particular interest in shattering their leader yourself."

"Ah yes, Pink Diamond's little Pearl." Black Rutile snickered as she descended from her throne to meet Volleyball. "Who would've guessed a submissive little slave would try to start a revolution? Well, anything to say?"

Volleyball, however, was too terrified to speak, having just witnessed her fellow rebels being shattered before her eye and now faced with the thought of being destroyed herself.

"What's that? No grand speech about how hope will live on or that there will be others like you that will rise against me?" Black Rutile asked rhetorically. "Oh please, I've destroyed every last threat to my power on both this planet and the Asteroid Field Formerly Known as Earth." She declared, gesturing towards the shard-filled bubble floating over her throne. "What's another pile of shards to add to the collection?"

With that, Black Rutile extracted her bowie knife from her gem and used it to jab Volleyball in hers, ending her life within mere seconds.

"So ends the legacy of Pink Diamond." Black Rutile purred as she collected the Pearl's shards in a bubble. "A real shame. She had so much potential and wasted it on being a total brat and threatening her own kind."

She then returned to her throne, where she lifted the bubble towards the bigger bubble, and the two merged. Now Volleyball's remains joined the tons of Gems that Black Rutile had heartlessly shattered. Ruby, Sapphire, Amethyst, Pearl, Peridot, Lapis, Bismuth, Hessonite, Citrine, Spinel, the Diamonds, all nothing more than shards. But her proudest achievement was the small gathering of pink dust that was once Steven Universe.

--

Returning to the present day, Steven was left utterly aghast at this possible future, but it made his resolve to stop Black Rutile even stronger. "We have to keep this future from happening!" he declared. "All we need to do is gather up an army of our own!"

"I'll call Connie and see if she's free to save the world again today." Pearl stated as she picked up her phone and started dialing.

"Which Gems do you want me to recruit out of everyone we evacuated?" Garnet asked.

"I don't know, just pick anyone!" Steven exclaimed.

"That's the Steven we know and love!" Amethyst replied, cheerfully giving Steven a noogie when she came to a realization. "Hey wait, if Black Rutile is gathering up Gems that have a beef with us, then what would you think if she tried recruiting Jasper?"

"Y'know, Jasper did say she was eager to fight again." Steven agreed with the little Quartz. "Maybe we should try and get to her first."

"I'm not sure Steven." Pearl said as she got off the phone with Connie. "Besides, I don't think Jasper would ever want to side with us."

"Black Rutile has gathered as much information as possible on all of us, and Jasper has likely been given the same treatment." Squaridot stated. "So it's just as likely that she'll try and ensnare Jasper to her side."

"We have to get to Jasper before Black Rutile does!" Steven hurriedly declared before turning to the Warp Pad behind him. "Gotta go, I'll be back soon!"

As Steven left for the forest via Warp Pad, the other Gems just gazed at the pad where he once stood.

"Good luck Steven." Pearl muttered before turning to Lion. "Go fetch Connie, okay?"

Lion nodded obediently and let out a roar, creating a portal that he leaped through to get to Connie.

--

Meanwhile, deep within the woods of Beach City, Jasper had been watching all that was going on in Little Homeworld from on top of her cave. As she watched smoke billow from afar, she couldn't help but feel that Steven brought this upon himself for enforcing peace for all Gems.

"He could've just ended colonization and leave it at that, but no!" Jasper muttered to herself while leaping down to the entrance of her cave. "He had to make them all into peace-loving weaklings!"

"Couldn't agree more." Jasper heard a familiar voice concur with her opinion. When the orange Gem turned around, she discovered Black Rutile leaning on a nearby tree with Aquamarine standing on a branch above her. "Jasper, correct? I don't think we got properly introduced to each other."

"If you're here for another interview, then forget it!" Jasper bellowed at Black Rutile before bringing her attention to Aquamarine. "And I see you got that little brat with you too."

"You are indeed correct Jasper." Aquamarine declared. "In fact, I'm not the only one who she recruited because of how dissatisfied I am with Era 3. Many Gems have been rallied by my master here to rebel against Steven's oppression and create a utopia."

"Are you sure about that?" Jasper asked with an eyebrow raised. "Sounds to me like you're starting some kind of cult?"

"A cult?! Stuff and nonsense!" Black Rutile assured the quartz. "We are simply fighting for our rights! Would you like to join us?"

"Jasper, don't!" Steven exclaimed as he rushed to the cave, where he saw Jasper standing with Black Rutile. "Please, you have to listen, Black Rutile is not to be trusted!"

"Don't you dare listen to him!" Black Rutile insisted. "He's the son of Pink Diamond, and it's both their faults you went from mighty Gem warrior to a lonely shell of your former self! Don't you see, you could finally get your revenge on Pink!"

"Revenge on my Diamond?" Jasper growled. "Fat chance! Why would I ally with some low-ranking Rutile just because she hates Pink like almost every Gem on this planet?! I'd rather be a peace-loving weakling than one of your lackeys!"

"Low-ranking?!" Black Rutile argued. "I'll have you know Jasper, I was one of a kind among Gems of my type because I worked my hardest to receive White Diamond's highest honors and join the upper-class of her court! You're just a mere Jasper who probably didn't even know Pink in person for the selfish, bratty sociopath she w-"

Before the Rutile could finish, Jasper summoned her crash helmet and sent her flying out of the forest with a single headbutt. "I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS, YOU ROTTEN QUARTZ!" Black Rutile cursed Jasper. "YOU JANKING CLOD!"

As Aquamarine chased after the flying Rutile, Jasper turned to Steven with a grumpy look in her eyes. In contrast, the starry-eyed Steven squealed excitedly while staring at Jasper. "Quit looking at me like that." Jasper snarled. "Let me guess, you want to recruit me too?"

"I thought you'd never ask!" Steven declared eagerly.

--

"Yes indeed, my Ministry of Maliciousness shall soon destroy the United Defenders of the World and conquer the world at last!" a weirdly animated mad scientist with three circles arranged in a triangle decorating his bald head declared as he gestured to his fellow supervillains. Amethyst was watching this happen on television with some of the other Gems in Steven's room.

"Apex Predator!" A muscular man decorated in animal skins fired his highly advanced hunting rifle at nothing in particular.

"Electric Ellen!" A young woman in a black suit with lightning bolt patterns demonstrated her powers for the other villains.

"Automato!" A bronze robot with green optics simply stood by his seat at the table of criminals, his soulless eyes unblinking.

"Scare Master!" A large man in a monster costume that continuously leaked hallucinogenic gas and wearing a yellow ring let out a ghoulish laugh.

"The Unidentified Felonious Extraterrestial!" A cybernetic insectoid alien made a shrieking noise, exposing the smaller head in its mouth.

"And of course, your illustrious leader!" the scientist introduced himself. "The world's greatest criminal mind, Professor Poindexter, Ph.D.!"

"Uh, why are we watching this show?" Zuli asked Amethyst while she sat next to Lapis.

"This is what our current sitch reminds me of!" Amethyst explained. "Mangolin's archenemy Professor Poindexter gathers up each of the United Defenders of the Globe's enemies to form, like, a team of supervillains!"

"Why is the animation so lazy?" Peridot wondered as she leaned on Biggs Jasper.

"It was the 70s, limited budget." Amethyst said. "Ooh wait, here comes Mangolin!"

The cartoon then changed scenes from the Ministry of Maliciousness to the United Defenders of the World, which included Mangolin, Uber-Chap, Battle Goddess, Pyro-Nado, Shamrock Cavalier, Gizmo-Chick, and Vincent the Visitor.

"Termite terrors, Defenders!" the pangolin-themed hero Mangolin exclaimed. "Our foe Professor Poindexter has assembled our enemies to destroy us once and for all! We must do something!"

"They just explained that to us!" Nephrite said. "What, do they think the viewers are stupid or something?"

Just then, the group of Gems heard the Warp Pad go off, signaling that Steven has finally returned.

"Hey, Steven's back!" Teal Zircon exclaimed before racing down the stairs to see her half-human friend again, and this time she was in for a surprise. "Hey Jasper, remember me? Your new best friend?"

"I regret this decision already." Jasper cringed at having to ally with Teal as the other Gems came back downstairs. "Oh look, a whole menagerie of useless clods! Why even bring them all together when I can just take Black Rutile's forces on myself?"

"Jasper, no need to brag about your strength." Lapis said to the more muscular Gem. "This is serious, the whole planet is at stake here!"

"And I should care because?" Jasper snarled in disagreement.

"Um, this is your Diamond's planet?" an exasperated Pearl replied. "Surely you wouldn't want anyone to touch what Pink owned, right?"

"I suggest you don't talk that way to a Gem like her." Rhodonite said to Pearl. "She looks like she could go wild on us at any moment."

"Just calm down everyone." Fluorite advised calmly. "I know we're all stressed because of our current situation, but let's not start arguing."

"And who are all of these?" Jasper asked as she gestured to the Off-Colors, Hessonite & Squaridot, Zuli, Snowflake Obsidian, Little Larimar, Nephrite, Topaz, and Biggs Jasper. "I suppose they're all from that stupid school of yours?"

"Well, most of them are." Steven pointed out. "And maybe when this is all over, you could finally give Little Homeschool a chan-"

"Pass." Jasper coldly declared. "Shouldn't we be getting ready to fight right now?"

"Jasper's right." Bismuth agreed. "We're all in this together, for Earth."

And right on cue, Lion finally returned with Connie on his back, her sword at the ready. "How convenient that I finished most of my work in time for another chance at saving the world!" Connie stated as she dismounted from Lion and hugged Steven. "So, who are we fighting?"

"Come with us to Little Homeworld, I'll show you." Steven answered before he began to walk towards the Warp Pad. "Gems, let's get a move on."

And so, the Crystal Gems and all their assorted allies marched towards the Warp Pad, ready to take back Little Homeworld from Black Rutile's rebels and defend the planet once more. When Steven spread out his arms, off they all went in a beam of light.

--

"Ugh, I'm so bored!" Eyeball complained, pacing around while the rest of the alliance mindlessly caused more damage to Little Homeworld out of complete boredom. "I suppose they finally realized they were stupid to stop us and skipped Earth without telling?"

"Patience Ruby." Aquamarine advised her fusion partner. "They should be coming soon."

"What makes you so sure?" White Topaz asked Aquamarine as she revealed her weapon, a pair of brass knuckles.

"Steven came running for Jasper thinking she can join his side." The little blue Gem answered. "What an idiot, am I right?!"

Suddenly, Aquamarine was in for a scare as Little Homeworld's Warp Pad activated from right behind her, and on it were the Crystal Gems.

"Okay Black Rutile, we're here." Steven declared with Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, Connie, Lion, Peridot, Lapis, Bismuth, Jasper, Hessonite, Squaridot, Lars, the Off-Colors, TZ, Zuli, Topaz, Snowflake, Larimar, Biggs, and Nephrite behind him. "All of us!"

"Oh, you finally showed up! Good timing." Black Rutile sarcastically applauded her foes. "And I see you got a little rag-tag bunch of over-eager losers by your side too."

"Hey 2F8D, so this is what you've been up to." 1J9G cattily greeted her ex-partner. "Being a pacifist baby and letting yourself be Steven's slave."

"I'm not a slave, neither to him or you!" Zuli yelled at 1J9G. "I came to Little Homeworld not just to learn how to appreciate Earth, but to learn how to make actual friends! Not be submissive to overly-controlling jerks!"

"I thought I could trust you Aquamarine!" Topaz went next. "I thought you changed by meeting that Ruby and fusing with her, but now I see you'll always be the same little monster you always are!"

"Oh stop Topaz, you're too kind!" Aquamarine said to her former Topaz.

"Crystal Gems, assemble!" Garnet bravely pointed forward to prepare for one last attack, but Steven stopped her.

"Wait!" Steven exclaimed. "Before we all get into one big fight, I want to know. Why do you hate me in particular? Outside of Era 3, I mean."

"You really want to know?" Black Rutile replied. "Well, allow me to put this in the only way you'll probably understand." She turned to White Topaz while fetching some kind of device from her gem. "Music please."

White Topaz turned the device on and music began to play, cuing Black Rutile to start a song. "When one era ends, another begins. It's such a big change for all us Gems." She sang. "But some aren't new fans of the old ways, and prefer to look back on the old days. But I on the other hand got a chance, to make this the Crystal Gems' last dance. And now I pray through endless days, to finally get rid of you."

"Is she singing?" Lars gasped at the musical number that just began as drum music kicked in. "Did she have a machine made for that purpose?"

"When I first emerged for my Diamond, White the master tactician!" Black Rutile began telling her origins through holograms on her visor, showing a just-emerged Rutile in a Kindergarten standing before White Diamond. "She revealed to me in secret signs, the markings of a great Gem! And she was indeed no clod, could reduce entire armies to sod! And all the fools that dared cross her, she'd just shrug and then shatter!"

"I studied well, got my tools of the trade, always got nothing but an A-grade!" After Black Rutile did away with the hologram showing her emergence, she started revealing the hard work she did to gain her high status among White Diamond's subjects. "But then he walked in and called himself Pinky, soon everyone got down to one knee." A stylized version of Steven's first arrival on Homeworld came next, and the stylized Black Rutile wasn't very pleased. "What never died was my ambition, and my keen intuition. Both of them gave me a complex, and made me want to rule the universe."

As the song went on, Steven began learning more about the consequences of his actions and how much Black Rutile truly despised him. "Every glimmer from your smile makes me want to puke!" his new foe complained. "Who to slay, who's the one, who's to doom? You know the only one would be my new archenemy, Steven U!"

With that, the chorus soon began with Black Rutile's minions joining in, sans White Topaz. "Wither the rose! Growing shadows! Sow a world of chaos!" the seven Gems sang in harmony. "Wither the rose! Only highs, no lows! In a world of chaos!"

"Is this the time for a song?" Connie asked. "Why don't we just attack them while they're singing?"

"Black Rutile is going to put on an admittedly wonderful song!" Padparadscha exclaimed.

"Ha!" Black Rutile laughed as the musical break reaches its end before turning to her Cluster Gems, cyborg Cactus Stevens and Light Warriors. "Come on minions, hurry along, this little school will soon be gone!" she commanded them before hugging herself in excitement. "I could squeeze myself with glee! Next the Diamonds and then this galaxy! I would really stop at nothing, shattering, treachery and lies! Whatever it takes to reign supreme, you really can't blame me for trying."

The tune soon began to reach its climax. "Wither the rose! Growing shadows! Sow a world of chaos! Wither the rose! Don't you doze!"

"We shall restore Homeworld's true order!" Aquamarine soon joined in.

"Vengeance will soon finally be ours!" Eyeball added sadistically.

"Saying sorry just won't cut it!" Emerald chorused.

"Dismantling the new superpowers!" Lapis 1J9G stated.

"Armies rampaging across the stars!" Demantoid declared.

"Covered in so many scars!" Pyrope boomed.

"Nothing but eternal war," Black Rutile concluded. "Join us as we make our own colony!"

"Genocide, slaughtering, jingoism, in enemy blood we shall wade!” The seven Gems announced. "Homeworld Gems come celebrate, as we make this bratty starlight fade!"

The song finally ended and the alliance of hatred took a bow before Black Rutile changed her knife into a broadsword with a massive blade and a tiny handle. "Now that we explained everything," she stated before pointing her sword forward. "CHARGE!"

The two sides finally clashed at Little Homeworld for the fate of Earth. Lapis & Zuli took to the skies against 1J9G, Pyrope & Demantoid led an unwilling Light Army, Emerald sped forth to personally confront Lars, and Black Rutile, White Topaz, Aquamarine & Eyeball personally confronted Steven, Garnet, Amethyst & Pearl.

"Fire!" Demantoid commanded some Light Warriors bearing laser cannons to shoot at Teal Zircon & Nephrite, but Jasper and Topaz were there to shield her from the blasts. "You!"

"You saved me!" TZ exclaimed. "Guess you really do think of me as your best friend, dontcha Jasp?"

"No, I still find you one of the most annoying beings I've ever met." Jasper replied. "But still, better to side with someone as irritating as you."

"I thought we were all friends!" 1J9G exclaimed as she clashed her water with Lapis and Zuli's. "I only joined these guys just so I could get you back!"

"Why would we ever take you back?!" Lapis stated.

"When we ran into 3E8C after years, she showed me that she and Steven were the best of friends!" Zuli added. "Not an overly controlling jerk who refuses to let me have fun!"

"See what she means?!" 1J9G said. "He's brainwashed all of you!" The only response she got was a punch to the face from Zuli.

Down below, Lars and Connie sparred against Emerald. "Don't think Steven will be there to save you today!" Emerald taunted, snapping her fingers and revealing electric powers to fight with. "He'll just throw you away, just like how Pink always threw everything away!"

"Sheesh, sins of the mother much?" Lars dryly commented.

"Steven is nothing like that!" Connie argued. "If you knew him, you'd know he's the sweetest, most caring guy you could ever meet!"

"Oh blah blah blah, I get it, he's too pure for this universe and he must be protected at all costs!" Emerald said. "Black Rutile has shown me what he truly is like."

Finally, the Crystal Gems battled with Black Rutile and her three most loyal followers. Garnet went up against White Topaz, Amethyst vs Eyeball, Pearl vs Aquamarine, and finally Steven vs Black Rutile.

"Why are you doing this?!" Steven asked Black Rutile while in utter denial. "I brought peace to the galaxy, I ended the Diamonds' oppression!"

"And stripped all Gems of their livelihoods in the process." Black Rutile coldly replied as her sword clashed with Steven's shield. "Look around you kid, these Gems came to my side because they have no status, no allies, no power over others! And now, they come to Earth for retribution against you!"

"But this still isn't right!" Steven claimed. "I understand that some may not be comfortable with what I've done, but that doesn't excuse you for all this."

"Kinda like how you excused the Diamonds for all they did just because they were sad, or something stupid like that." Black Rutile insulted.

"That's because they were!" Steven exclaimed. "They were in mourning!"

"Mourning the so-called death of an annoying brat I had the displeasure of sharing a planet with!" Black Rutile yelled as she began fighting in a way that resembled capoeira and gymnastics. "This all could've been avoided if you just put your enemies out of their misery, or at least punished them, rather than just excusing them with a stupid song and acting like everything was just water under the bridge!"

"You're thinking of retributive justice, where the offender did something wrong and the punishment is just as severe in exchange." Steven replied. "We Crystal Gems practice restorative justice, where we actually talk to the offenders and try to see how we can help them without using lethal force."

"Well, whatever you're talking about, you can call me a proud supporter of retributive justice." Black Rutile declared herself. "As in, me and my pals are seeking retribution against you and your posse for what you did to our society, and will do so by any means necessary. Because you think everything can just bend to your will if you just make everyone around you cry?! You really are no better than Pink!"

"Well, I'm trying to be better than my mom, both Pink Diamond, and Rose Quartz." Steven responded, blocking another attack from Black Rutile. "But I'm pretty sure they'd both find a sociopath like you beyond saving."

"Me, a sociopath?! You barely even know me!" Black Rutile yelled before bunting Steven's shield away when he tried to throw it. "Well, you're certainly right on me being a bit selfish, but look at you. I mean, you've made excuses for murderers, bigots, and toxic friends, yet anyone who's just doing what they're made to do is instantly made a pariah just because they don't like you and your dumb little sidekicks!"

Behind Black Rutile's back, however, her alliance was slowly beginning to fall apart, yet she didn't seem to care. Hessonite, Peridot, Biggs, and Squaridot hid behind a wall to avoid the Light Warriors' attacks.

"Got a plan, you guys?" Biggs asked the other three Gems.

"I have." Hessonite replied. "The Peridots shall distract them by taking control of Demantoid's limb enhancers while I swoop in and steal back the Light Prisms! Then perhaps we can turn the Light Army on them."

"I'll see what I can do." Peridot stated, but then Squaridot put a green hand on her shoulder.

"No, allow me." Squaridot stated before using her ferrokinetic powers to meddle with Demantoid's limb enhancers.

"No no, not again!" Demantoid yelled as she was dumped out of her mech, and the Light Prism she was holding hostage fell out with her only to be caught by Hessonite at rapid speed. "My Prism!"

"Demantoid you child, you could've just fought back instead of letting yourself get defeated!" Pyrope said, unaware that her Prism was stolen as well. "Wait, what?"

As Hessonite returned to Peridot and Squaridot with the Light Prisms in hand, the Light Warriors dropped their current activities and began to surround the three Gems peacefully. "Now that you know who's really in charge here," Hessonite bragged before she pointed at her fellow Garnets. "FIRE!"

"No, it can't be!" Pyrope squealed in utter defeat as the Light Warriors pointed their weapons at her and Demantoid.

"Hold me close Pyrope!" Demantoid added while hugging Pyrope in fear before the Light Warriors charged, attacking the pair and poofing them once and for all.

As for Emerald, she was now getting ganged up on by Lars, Connie, and the Off-Colors, who all took turns using Connie's sword against her. "You're all just humans and Off-Color Gems!" Emerald screamed as she desperately tried to fight back. "What makes you think you all can stop me?!"

"'Cause we're all more walk than talk!" Lars declared, once again using his musti-yuddha skills to knock Emerald to the ground. "Connie, care to do the honors?"

"With pleasure!" Connie replied, hopping up on Fluorite's head and jumping high into the air before zooming down with her sword pointed directly at Emerald.

"I hate you all." Emerald snarled bitterly before Connie poofed her, ending the threat she possessed to Lars and the Off-Colors.

High up in the air, the battle of the Lapides raged on with 1J9G using vapor from the clouds as makeshift weapons against her former friends.

"We could've stayed together if 3E8C hadn't been dropped on Earth like an idiot!" 1J9G yelled. "I just wanted us to stay friends!"

"Well, if you want to keep your friends," 3E8C stated, forming a massive water hand from a nearby cloud. "then you should act like a friend." The hand grabbed 1J9G and tossed her to the ground, creating a massive crater that caused a building to start falling over, and one piece of sharp rubble was aimed straight at 1J9G's gem.

"So this is it, huh?" 1J9G monologued to herself as death was mere moments away. "I feel like this is karma for being a horrible friend like they keep calling me. In that case, I'm sorry. Maybe somewhere else, we could've stayed together."

As 1J9G accepted her demise, the rubble was punched out of the way by a massive silhouette in the dust, and it settled to reveal Jasper as her savior.

"Get up you!" Jasper roared at the Lapis.

"But, we're on different sides!" 1J9G exclaimed. "Why did you save me?"

"It's what a certain someone would've done, but he's too busy at the moment." Jasper replied. "Plus, I know what it's like to be alone too."

"Oh look, that Jasper is becoming just like you!" Black Rutile yelled as she watched her alliance break up. "But then again, they set themselves up for this the moment I recruited them all, so what are you gonna do?"

"But still, we're fighting a losing battle!" White Topaz advised her Rutile. "What do we do now?"

"I think I know." Black Rutile smirked before snapping her fingers at one of her surviving allies. "Aquamarine, grab the boy and take him to the nearest mountain!"

"I thought you'd never ask!" Aquamarine purred before she grabbed Steven with her wand and began flying off, with Eyeball also in tow, and Black Rutile & White Topaz on a mini-hovercraft. "Oh, where will you be without your precious little abomination?!"

"Steven!" the Crystal Gems all yelled.

"Topaz, subdue the Lapises!" Black Rutile then commanded White Topaz, who gave a shaky nod before leaping up and grabbing Lapis & Zuli, followed by pinning them to the ground.

"Don't worry guys, I got this!" Connie said before mounting on Lion and riding off after Aquamarine.

"The only one who should defeat him is me." Jasper said as Connie fled, right before following the human. "Wait up girl!"

--

At the mountain, Steven was dropped by Aquamarine at the highest cliff, where Black Rutile stood by with a boulder next to her and White Topaz.

"What do you want now Black Rutile?" Steven asked as he got up to face the evil Rutile.

"Simple, toss you over the edge and throw a boulder to crush you to death, since you can fly apparently." Black Rutile declared. "I've been waiting for ages to destroy Pink Diamond, and you, my little friend, are just the thing to satisfy my vendetta."

"But why do you hate Pink so much?" Steven exclaimed. "Let me guess, she treated you like trash just like almost every other Gem I've faced?"

"No, she didn't treat me like trash!" Black Rutile answered. "She treated everyone around her like trash, yet the Diamonds almost always let her get away with everything! And here you are forcing Gems against their will to change their very way of living! Hey, at least you didn't fake your death to recklessly endanger the lives of others, because I'm going to endanger yours!"

Black Rutile then picked up Steven by his shirt collar and walked to the edge of the cliff, where she dangled him over such dangerously high heights. "You know what's ironic?" she smiled cheerfully before it turned to a hateful scowl. "You're able to get humans and Gems to get along, yet you're neither of them yourself."

With that, Black Rutile released her grip on Steven's shirt and he began falling from the cliff, followed shortly by White Topaz tossing a boulder that fell right above him. "NO HARD FEELINGS!" she yelled.

"So this is how I'll die, falling to my death off a cliff while a boulder is going to crush me." Steven realized as he fell to his doom. "Maybe Black Rutile's right. Maybe this is punishment for only thinking of myself all the time, and never taking others' feelings into account. Punishment for letting all these enemies run free instead of punishing them. Punishment for being an awful person in general."

However, just as Steven shut his eyes, accepted his demise, and did not even use any of his powers to escape, a voice cried out to him. "STEVEN!"

"Connie?" Steven exclaimed as she warped in via Lion's portal and reach out to him. "Don't worry, I'm with you till the end of the line! Just grab my hand!"

Steven gave a big smile, realizing that even with all his faults there were still people looking out for him, and took Connie's hand, causing the two to merge into a mass of light.

--

"Well, that should take care of him." Black Rutile declared, dusting off her hands and beginning to walk away. "Come along you three, let's go reawaken the Cluster and wipe this planet off the face of this universe for good."

"Uh, my Rutile?" White Topaz said while she, Aquamarine, and Eyeball gazed over the edge of the cliff to discover a pink light rapidly approaching them. "I think Steven is….not dead."

"Wait, seriously?!" Black Rutile yelled before Stevonnie leaped up the mountain and onto the cliff where the four enemy Gems stood. "You fused with a human?!"

"Bet you didn't see that coming!" Stevonnie declared as they swung their sword to try and poof Aquamarine, but she swiftly dodged and fused with Eyeball to form Bluebird Azurite.

"Of course I knew you can fuse with humans kid, it was in my data!" Black Rutile exclaimed before turning to White Topaz staring in amazement at the fusion. "Topaz, fuse with me!"

"Wait, we get to fuse too?!" White Topaz giddily exclaimed. "Eee, I can't wait, we've been practicing for so long!"

"Just shut up already." Black Rutile snarled before extending her hand. "Now, may I have this dance?"

"Gladly." White Topaz responded, taking her superior's hand before they began dancing the tango, their gems glowing as they danced until they formed into a giant light that resulted in a new, much larger fusion with four eyes & arms, spiky hair that went down to her back, a black-and-grey uniform and Black Rutile's white cape.

"BEHOLD FOOLISH LESSER BEINGS!" the new fusion bombastically declared. "THE GODLIKE SUPERIORITY OF THE MIGHTY LEPIDOLITE!"

"One fusion against two fusions." Stevonnie muttered. "Have to admit, those aren't very good odds."

"You bet." Jasper declared, zooming up the mountain to stand by Stevonnie's side and pounding her fists together. "For them!"

"You followed us?" Stevonnie asked Jasper.

"I don't like the Crystal Gems, but I hate them just as much." Jasper explained roughly. "Now come on, let's finish this!"

"Oh, a fair game, I see!" Lepidolite asked as she summoned two pairs of claws on each pair of her hands that extended from her knuckles while Bluebird summoned her ice cutlass. "Well, game on!"

Lepidolite clashed her claws with Stevonnie's sword while Jasper grabbed Bluebird in her massive hand and smashed her face into the rock face. However, despite Lepidolite being surprisingly evenly matched with Stevonnie, there was one thing they had that she lacked. Control over the fusion itself.

"So you can fuse with humans?!" White Topaz exclaimed cheerfully while Lepidolite slashed at Stevonnie before she switched to Black Rutile. "Did you even listen to Aquamarine's report, why are you acting like this is so new to you?!" Black Rutile yelled. "Why do you always have to be so dense?!"

"This is almost like Malachite." Stevonnie compared the abusive control Black Rutile had over White Topaz to the strained but peaceful relationship between Lapis and Jasper. "Listen, why can't you just work together?!"

"Because she's a completely moronic clod!" Black Rutile yelled through Lepidolite.

"Even if she treats me like trash, she's still my boss!" White Topaz added. "After all, isn't that what master/servant relationships are kinda like?"

"Master, don't!" Bluebird yelled as Jasper kept beating her up. "You're going to make them do some speech about the stupid power of friendship or something!"

"Well, you want us to work together?!" Lepidolite said, now no longer personified through Black Rutile and White Topaz's arguing. "Then work together we shall!"

Lepidolite then grabbed Stevonnie by their arms and once again threw them over the edge of the cliff before walking off to assist Bluebird. But just like when Steven was tossed over the cliff, things went horribly wrong for them.

Stevonnie reappeared in a massive gust of wind, now bathed in a pink glow and with a furious snarl replacing their confident grin. "Why won't you listen?!" they yelled, lunging at Lepidolite and striking their sword straight into her chest. "I'm not the real monster, YOU ARE!"

"No no no no no no!" Lepidolite screamed as Stevonnie's sword cut into her body and striking her straight in Black Rutile's gem, causing the two to ultimately defuse. As the pair of Gems were dropped to the ground, White Topaz laid on her back, utterly stupefied. Black Rutile on the other hand was terrified beyond all recognition, a far cry from the confident mastermind she normally is.

"W-w-who are you!?" Black Rutile shivered in fear of the pink Stevonnie, who now had a psychotic smile on their face. "WHAT ARE YOU?!"

"I'm-" Stevonnie began when they suddenly stopped and gazed at their hands. "I don't know." With that, Stevonnie finally un-fused back into Steven and Connie, just in time for the other Gems to arrive.

"Steven, Connie!" Garnet cried as she, Amethyst, Pearl, Peridot, Bismuth, Hessonite, Lars, Squaridot, and the Light Prisms were carried up the mountain by a massive water elevator created by the trio of Lapides. When they reached the cliff, Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl all rushed to give the two kids a big hug. "What happened?"

"I don't know." Connie replied shakily. "First we fused into Stevonnie to fight Black Rutile, who fused with White Topaz to create this big fusion called Lepidolite, then after we were tossed over a cliff, Stevonnie turned pink and-"

"Wait, pink?" Pearl wondered. "It's just like all those other times Steven lost control! What could it be?"

"That's exactly what I'd like to know too!" the utterly defeated Black Rutile yelled. "What is that, a human thing?"

"Uh, no everyone! Everything's fine!" Steven began lying. "It's just a human thing, but I'm the only one who can do it!"

"Alright, keep your secrets brat." Black Rutile declared before she snapped her fingers again. Getting up from Jasper's beatdown, Bluebird picked up Black Rutile & White Topaz and carried them away. "Your little power fantasy will soon come to an end!" she declared. "And Gems, I'd keep an eye out on that monster if I were you! He could become a bigger threat to Earth than I am!"

As the three Gems got farther away, everybody turned to Steven with nervous looks on their faces.

"Steven, is there anything you need to tell us?" Connie asked her best friend.

"Uh, anyone wanna go out for pizzas?" Steven tried to change the subject, and everyone went silent in response.

"What is this pizza you speak of?" Hessonite piped up.

--

Later that day, reconstruction of Little Homeworld had quickly begun. With Peridot and Squaridot's help, the Cactus Stevens were now fully organic once more and helped in the repairs, alongside the Light creatures created by George and his sisters.

"Wow George, you, Elaine, and Cosma are one great team!" Steven said to George as they looked upon the Light Army's hard work. George turned to Steven with a confused look on his face. "Oh, I came up with those names for your sisters based on this TV show with a character also named George."

"Hey Steven, the pizzas are here!" Lapis called for Steven.

"Ooh, gotta go you guys!" Steven said before leaving George and his newly named sisters to work. "See you again soon!"

Steven returned to the Little Homeworld Warp Pad, where the Crystal Gems and the Off-Colors were setting up a little picnic with pizza boxes all around. "You see, this is what we need more of." Steven said. "Just us hanging out, no Gem monsters or evil Gems threatening and scarring our lives."

"Are you sure you're okay kid?" 1J9G asked Steven.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Steven replied. "Wait, what are you doing here? Weren't you on Black Rutile's side?"

"That Jasper saved my life because she knew what it was like to be alone, so I'm coming here as gratitude." 1J9G stated. "I came with Black Rutile as 1J9G, and I'll learn to become a better friend as Laz. You like the new name I got?"

"I love it!" Zuli exclaimed happily. "It's so wet!"

"Well, if you say so." Steven said awkwardly before he found Lars and Hessonite collecting the inactive gemstones of Emerald, Pyrope, Demantoid and all the Cluster Gems. "And what are you going to do with those?"

"We'll take the Cluster Gems back to Homeworld." Lars answered before pointing to Emerald and the Garnets. "As for these three, I'm not sure yet."

"They'll be safe with us." Garnet said, taking the three Gems out of the bubble. "And who knows? Maybe they'll become students of Little Homeschool."

"Speaking of which, Squaridot." Hessonite said to her Peridot sidekick. "You said that you were given the chance to come to Little Homeschool before you joined me? You think the offer still stands?"

"You know what?" Squaridot said. "I think I'm gonna stay here. Thank you Hessonite for everything." She then hugged the orange Garnet. "And tell Citrine I said hi if you find her."

As the group all sat down to their victory picnic, many eyes were still on Steven, who paid more attention to his slice of pie.

"Seriously, that boy just ain't right!" Jasper said as she prepared to leave.

"Yo Jasper, have a little more tact!" Amethyst scolded her fellow quartz while turning to Steven. "But what if Black Rutile is right? What if Steven becomes a threat to Earth?"

Steven still didn't pay any attention and kept on eating, but the Gems guessed that he might've been deliberately distracting himself. But why?

--

Elsewhere, Black Rutile had now touched down deeper in the forest, letting Bluebird Azurite drop her off in front of a cave. "Ah, this should make a good hideout."

"Why can't we just flee on your dropship?" White Topaz asked.

"I'm pretty sure it's been seized by now." Black Rutile said as she sat down on a rock formation, slouching and pressing her fingers together. "Tell me, my friends, what do you think is Steven's greatest weakness?"

"He can't fend for himself!" Aquamarine stated as she and Eyeball un-fused.

"He always has to get his nose in everyone's business." Eyeball remarked, rolling her eye with arms crossed.

"Uh, he's got boatloads of trauma that no one bothers to bring up?" White Topaz asked meekly.

"Correct Topaz, very good for once." Black Rutile congratulated her Topaz. "Now, as you see, he can't deal with his whole worldview changing, since learning there were so many Gems against him shattered everything he almost knew about his actions." She declared. "But what if we did the same, but we turn the humans against him?"

END OF PART 2: GRADUATION

TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 3: FRAGMENTED MIND

--

And that was Enemy of my Enemy and Part 2 in general! This was a really long one, filled with ideas that I've had in my head for ages! The whole group of past enemy Gems was inspired primarily by the Evil League of Mutants from Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, I imagined the bad future to be similar to Deliver Us from Prince of Egypt, and the justice debate was basically the Ship of Theseus scene from WandaVision. And that's not even getting into what I have planned for Part 3, but that's another time for another day. And if the subtitle is any indication, you all know what's coming.

[theofficialstereklibrary]

Happy Holidays from the Library! (and Jeep)

Hello friends! Thank you for the love and support and concern you have shown me. My personal blog got a bunch of dm’s and asks telling me about how happy they were that I was putting in the effort to fix the tags and keep the Library going and it’s been a wonderful gift to me. 

But today is Christmas Eve and I didn’t want you to head off to your family’s without a little gift from me! 

This post is going to be a list of my favorite Christmas fics, all true recommendations and not just an update on the latest fics like usual. These are all fics that made me laugh, cry and just truly enjoy the holiday season. You might recognize a few so be sure to tell me the ones you love as well! 

This is gonna be quite the list, and I try not to be a total ass, so the fics are under the break :) - Jeep

In no particular order, Jeep’s Sterek Holiday Favorites -

When You Stop Believing in Santa You Get Underwear by owlpostagain (7,817 | 1/1 | T)

There are some salvageable things though. A virtually untouched heavy slate sign that says, engraved in an ornate script that confirms at least one person in the Hale family had a sense of humor (Stiles has a horrible suspicion it might have been Peter), When You Stop Believing in Santa You Get Underwear.

The Natural Binding Properties of Pine Sap by uraneia (4,296 | 1/1 | T)

Derek saves a nymph from being somebody's Christmas decoration. As a reward, the nymph grants him a twig of mistletoe.

If Derek had known the mistletoe would come to life and goad him into kissing people at random, he might have tried to refuse.

I Just Want You For My Own (More Than You Could Ever Know) by yodasyoyo (16,062 | 4/4 | T)

“What is with that sweater, dude?”

Derek ducks his head to look at it, abashed. “Uh- Mrs Hernandez knitted it for me. It’s an early Christmas gift.” He smooths it down self-consciously.

Stiles cocks an eyebrow.

“What? She’s my neighbor and sometimes I-” Derek trails off. Stiles’ other eyebrow rises to join the first, and Derek sighs. “Sometimes I help her carry her groceries."

Of course he does. One day maybe Stiles will stop being in love with Derek Hale, but today is not that day.

A Hale for the Holidays by rlnerdgirl (38,095 | 1/1 | E)

“I sent you a Christmas card that got sent back to me. Did you get a new apartment?” his dad wonders. The question is all suspicion and little anything else.

A flicker of an idea sparks. It’s not nearly formed well enough for him to say, “Yeah, actually,” and when he follows that with, “I moved in with someone,” he wants to punch himself in the face. He’s living with someone?!

“You’re living with someone?” It’s the same voice and tone as the one in Stiles’ head, just thirty years older.

Two things keep Stiles from bashing his face onto the table: there’s a steaming cup of coffee in the way and, more importantly, his dad will definitely hear. Someone passes by in front of him and a semi-familiar book cover catches his eye. “Derek Hale,” he muses, and stops. No. That wasn’t meant to be out loud.

Gingerbread by slythatheart (16,572 | 1/1 | T)

Stiles is offered a Christmas wish, and there's only one thing he can think of to wish for.

A Christmas Hale by Captain_Loki (14,298 | 1/1 | M)

His mouth began forming the word 'no' in a knee jerk reaction, but it died on his lips when he actually looked at Stiles. There was no pity in his face, no sense of moral obligation or charitable intent, he looked...earnest and nervous and so much the sixteen that he was. He realized with a jolt that had his stomach twisting into something that felt nothing like anger that Stiles wasn't asking for Derek's sake. 

sometimes fate is like a small snowstorm by thepsychicclam (8,145 | 1/1 | M)

In a coffee shop two days before Christmas, Derek meets Stiles. Despite neither of them being interested in relationships, they spend an unforgettable evening together, but then part ways. During the following years, Stiles competes in the Olympics, Derek tours the world - and neither of them forget. Then twelve years later, two days before Christmas, Derek finds Stiles in that same coffee shop.

With A Little Christmas Magic by Ashabadash (10,669 | 1/1 | T)

AU: Stiles is jobless this Christmas and as a last resort, is stuck playing one of Santa’s elves at the mall. The job is a bust, and Stiles isn’t really in the Christmas mood, until he finds salvation in the Starbucks at the food court, not only in hiding from kids, but in one very sexy barista named Derek.

Real life isn't a movie (life doesn't make narrative sense) by dearericbittle (dutchmoxie) (11,586 | 1/1 |T)

Somehow accidentally insulting a hot guy in a coffee shop leads to pretending to be his boyfriend in front of a house full of werewolves. Stiles Stilinski is living his best life and making the most of his Hallmark movie moment.

All The Way Home (I'll Be Warm) by GotTheSilver (11,535 | 1/1 | M)

Stiles is standing there, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot, and Derek doesn’t want to see him disappear into the apartment opposite without a promise to see him again. “Do you—would you like something to drink? Coffee?”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Rubbing his hands together, Stiles nods and looks over his shoulder. “Can you give me a minute to get changed? I’ve got snow melting in places that I don’t want it to be melting.”

Derek laughs at the look on Stiles’ face and nods. “Knock when you’re done.”

If Derek watches Stiles until the door closes, that’s no one’s business but his own.

Jingle Grouch by aggybird (3,262 | 1/1 | G)

Derek the Grinch has a crush on Stiles the Snow Elf.

All I Want for Christmas (Is You) by blindinglights (9,284 | 1/1 | E)

Derek meets Stiles in a department store while shopping for his family, after seeing a little girl crying for her Dad on the floor. They part ways and Derek doesn’t think he’ll see Stiles again. Beacon Hills may not be that big, but it still doesn’t mean he’ll ever run into Stiles, because that’s just not how Derek’s life works. Despite what Erica tries to tell him whenever she can, that sometimes fate can happen, Christmas miracles, whatever, it won’t.

Home for Christmas by mikkimouse (6,613 | 1/1 | T)

"Derek," Dad said with a warm smile. "Glad you could make it."

Derek nodded seriously. "Of course, Sheriff."

Stiles felt the pieces slot together in his head. "Wait, you called him?"

"Technically, Melissa called him," Dad said.

"Ha ha. What's he doing here?" Stiles turned to Derek. "Seriously, what are you doing here?"

Derek held up his keys. "I'm here to take you home."

how you doin’? by decideophobia (6,768 | 1/1 | T)

“So,” Derek says eventually, because he feels awkward and uncomfortable, “how you doin’?”

Mistletoe's Overrated Anyway by stilinski (8,263 | 1/1 | T)

Derek remembers a hyperactive eleven year old with a buzzcut and an irritating habit of getting underfoot - his memory doesn’t lend to the lean, doe eyed brunet in his hallway; he’s talking on his phone and scowling something fierce but Derek’s mouth goes dry at the way Stiles runs long fingers through his hair.

“Coffee?” Derek asks abruptly, turning to look at Laura. “There’s a fresh pot. Cora’s gone out on a last minute supply run - is, uh, Stiles staying?”

“I offered your wonderful hospitality until he can find a flight to take him home,” Laura says, following him back into the kitchen and leaving Stiles in the hall. “I know you have the space, and it seemed a shame to leave him stranded. Nobody should be alone on Christmas.”

lube and determination by bleep0bleep (4,873 | 1/1 | E)

It's a holiday classic: homesick boy wants to make a pumpkin pie while studying abroad, boy realizes the only place to find vegetable shortening is a sex shop, and boy makes fool of himself in front of other boy.

Last Christmas (I gave you my heart) by jadore_hale (4,532 | 1/1 | T)

“W-what is this?” Derek couldn’t even begin to get his mind around this current situation.

“My Christmas gift to you, nephew.”

Peter pushed the guy towards him, and Derek hastened to catch him before he fell face first on the floor.

“I’d like you to meet your soul mate.”

Don't Call Me Buttercup by ElloPoppet (15,830 | 1/1 | T)

Isaac wants to do Secret Santa. Derek is bad at gifts. Stiles helps, and also practices making Derek uncomfortable with awful, cutesy pet names along the way.

Derek secretly loves the pet names. Oh, and he loves Stiles as well.

Well, I hope you guys enjoy some of my all time favorite holiday fics and that maybe you find a new favorite of your own! Thank you for your love and patience while I try to figure everything out with the tags. You guys are truly the best and I wouldn’t be here without you. 

I wish you the best for this hectic time of year and that maybe these fics can keep you occupied from crazy family members. 

Happy Holidays and best wishes for the new year,

Jeep

[spaceorphan18]

What do you think are the most underrated glee songs? Like, they’re awesome and why doesn’t fandom love them more?

Oh this is such a neat ask! Let’s see, I think I’m going to list performances that I think are pretty good, but I don’t see people talking about as much.  You’re not going to see much Klaine on this list -- mostly, at least around these parts, I think their performances do get the recognition they deserve.  

Season 1: 

Push It (Showmance) - It’s really quite funny

Bust Your Windows (Acafellas) - Mercedes first gets to shine

Maybe This Time (Rhodes Not Taken) - Lea and Kristen Chenoweth kill this one. 

Dancing With Myself (Wheels) - I just like this Artie solo

Smile (Mattress) - I think both versions in the episode are pretty good, and one is a rare Finchel duet I enjoy

Hello (Hello) - Lea and Jonathan Groff are amazing together

Open Your Heart/Borderline (Power of Madonna) - I just wanna talk about all the Madonnas in the hallway

4 Minutes (Power of Madonna) - Kurt and Mercedes get their sexy on, and I don’t feel like that’s appreciated enough

Run Joey Run (Bad Reputation) - I mean, you guys, this might be one of the funniest things they show ever did, and the fact that the point was missed by so many made sure the show rarely did straight up comedy numbers again

Dream a Little Dream of Me (Dream On) - Artie w/Tina and Mike dancing, it’s cute and bittersweet

Season 2 

Sing (Duets) - It’s a super cute duet between Tina and Mike

Forget You (The Substitute) - Idec that it’s Holly, I love this one

Make ‘Em Laugh (The Substitute) - I don’t think Matthew Morrison gets enough credit for how talented he is.  

Just the Way You Are (Furt) - I’m not a huge fan of Finn’s singing - so I kinda of like to acknowledge when he does a good job, and I really like this one. 

The Living Years (Special Education) - The Hipsters rock it, man

Only Child (Original Song) - It is what is, okay?! 

Jesus is My Friend (Original Song) - I’m giggling just thinking about it

Bubble Toes (Night of Neglect) - Mike’s dance number is fantastic

Ain’t Now Way (Night of Neglect) - Merecedes’ numbers end up in the worst episodes, and it’s a shame, because sometimes they get overlooked. 

I’ve Gotta Be Me (Born This Way) - this song gets forgotten among the true gems during this episode, but it’s a nice Finn and Mike number

Nice To Meet You, Have I Slept With You (Rumours) - This is another hilarious original song done by April and Will often forgotten. 

Friday (Prom Queen) - As a boy band song, it really works

Season 3

Anything Goes/Anything You Can Do (The Purple Piano Project) - it’s truly amazing -- especially for an unknown guest start that’s basically one and done. 

Spotlight (Asian F) - Another Mercedes solo that I think flies under the radar. 

You and I (Mash Off) - Will and Shelby duet, the adult stuff often gets overlooked I think. 

We Are Young (Hold Onto 16) - It was probably over played on the radio at the time, but I think they did a fantastic job with the cover, and it works well as a group number. 

We Found Love (Yes/No) - Wemma gets a bad rap a lot of the times, but I think this actually really works, and is a nice scene

The Rain in Spain (Choke) - You guys, it’s a heavy metal cover of a classic song, I’m not the only one who finds that hilarious, right? 

Mean (Props) - Beiste and Puck singing a duet that fits their story well, but since we don’t talk about these storylines much, this rarely comes up. 

Starships (Nationals) - Unique is on fire, and I liked VA’s set more than ND’s.

Season 4

Call Me Maybe (The New Rachel) - idec, I love it and find it amazing and it energizes me, shut up. 

Busters Get Popped (The New Rachel) - still giggling

Chasing Pavements (The New Rachel) - I think Melissa Benoist got a raw deal having to be paired against Lea Michele, but I think she has a lovely voice, and really brings this one alive.  

Everybody Talks (Role You Were Born to Play) - it’s a nice song and a nice duet between Kitty and Jake

Whistle (Thanksgiving) - okay it’s not a good song, but my god does it make me laugh every time I hear it

O Holy Night (Swan Song) - Clearly, I’m not putting Rachel songs on this list, but this one -- I’m giving her this one.  This is beautiful and fantastic in all the right ways, and one of my favorite Rachel solos of the series.  One of the few times she’s not over emoting a serious song, and it’s a nice relief. 

Don’t Dream It’s Over (Swan Song) - It’s a bittersweet song that I think really works for the tone of the moment.  

Torn (Naked) - what another Rachel solo?? Yeah, visually, the duet with herself is really striking

Not Getting Married Today (I Do) - Let’s give Jayma Mays a second of recognition for her ability to do this one.   

You’re All the World to Me (Girls and Boys on Film) - Will and Emma duet that is notable for the choreography alone

How to Be a Heartbreaker (Feud) - the cinematography and choreography is unlike anything else on the show, so I find it fascinating. 

I Still Believe/Superbass (Feud) - I mean, let’s give Jane Lynch credit for spoofing Nikki Minaj, I mean, c’mon

Everybody Hurts (Lights Out) - I don’t like Ryder, and I really don’t like the actor who portrays him, but this acoustic version of the song is really fantastic. 

Superstition (Wonderful) - Mercedes, Blaine, and Marley on this Stevie Wonder classic that, again, flies under the radar a bit

Rainbow Connection (All or Nothing) - Glee snuck in a cover done by a third party participant at Regionals that’s really good, and you probably didn’t even know it. 

Season 5

If I Were a Boy (End of Twerk) - A lot of the newbie stuff gets (understandably) overlooked, but Unique’s version of this is emotional and haunting and often forgotten about

What The Fox Says (Puppet Master) - I don’t think this is as bad as everyone would have you believe.  

Away In a Manager (Previously Unaired Christmas) - I rarely give props to this episode for anything, but this was really well done, and the only song from this episode that I’ll listen to. 

Don’t Rain on My Parade (Frenemies) - Yes, it’s a jazzier/pop version of the song, but I think Santana does better with it than people give her credit for. 

Hold On (Trio) - I freakin’ love this group number.  It’s amazing. 

Toxic/Defying Gravity/Valerie (100) - lumping them together because I actually enjoy all of these better than the originals.  Oops. 

Loser Like Me (New Directions) - Yes, the lyrics are terrible, but I love this arrangement of it

LoveFool (Opening Night) - Omg, another Rachel solo - this one is also hilarious

Season 6

Tightrope (Homecoming) - Jane can really sing, these new newbies bring it

Home (Homecoming) - I think it’s a super tight group number that doesn’t get mentioned often, but really works. 

Bitch (Hurt Locker 1) - There has never been a more perfect Sue song.  Not sure if it’s underrated? But wanted to point out that it’s notable. 

At Last (A Wedding) - really the best part of that ceremony 

The Final Countdown (Rise and Fall of Sue Sylvester) - It’s nice that they included one last comedic performance

Listen to Your Heart (We Built This Glee Club) - I’m glad Rachel and Jesse got one last number together

Take Me to Church/Chandelier/Come Sail Away (We Built This Glee Club) - I think the New New Directions last competition set list was pretty good! 

So, uh, yeah - didn’t see it on here? I probably really loved it and everyone knows that or I don’t think it’s that great to be remember, lol 

What are your favorite underrated songs? 

[thewestmeetingroom]

Planting Seeds

Broadcast Jan. 2, 2021

SPEAKERS

Braeden, Janine, Rebekah, Sabrina, Melissa

[Intro Music]

Braeden:  Hello and welcome to The West Meeting Room. We are broadcasting on CiUT 89.5 FM at Hart House where we are taking up space on Dish with One Spoon Territory. My name is Braeden, and I'll be hosting the show today. Welcome to 2021 everyone. I hope this finds you somewhere safe and taking good care. A few weeks ago, we had a virtual meeting with our team of co-producers for the show. And before the pandemic we used to meet up in the studio once a week for these really beautiful and open-hearted roundtable discussions. I've been missing deeply sharing that space with everyone in person this past year. So for our last gathering of the year, we created a virtual Roundtable. So for this first show of 2021, we'll be bringing you into our last conversation of 2020 in the West Meeting Room. So grab a cup of tea and come join us. Joining me in the studio - Do you want to introduce yourself?

Sabrina:  Hi. I'm Sabrina. I feel like I'm a tired voice. [laughs] You might have heard me a lot. But yeah, I'm Sabrina.

Rebekah:  I can go next. I'm Rebekah. I'm not as tired. But um, yeah, I'll probably take a nap after this.

Janine:  Hi, I'm Janine. I'm really tired, too, but on a sugar rush. So god helped me today. Thank you. (laughs)

Melissa:  Hi, I'm Melissa. I'm new to the party. So I am very excited to be here, but also very tired.

Braeden:  Well, thank you all, this tired bunch,  for joining me in our zoom studio today. Um, just wanted to, Yeah, just have some casual conversation to round out the year. But I guess, I did have in mind to maybe start with Sabrina because we were talking a bit about snail mail. And I know you put together a package of letters for your business. And I just wanted to ask like, Yeah, what were like - what sort of inspired that and what is maybe drawing you to like this slower form of connection and communication?

Sabrina:  Yeah, I feel like this is like a mix of business strategy and also like genuine inspiration. I created a product called Letters from the Tarot, which isn't super unique by any means. Like a lot of people do this in different iterations. But basically what that was, is like me going to my tarot cards and pulling just in general, like a general message, and then taking a picture of it in like a Polaroid style thing. So that that person had like a physical representation of the card, and then writing out their reading, like on proper letter paper, and like putting it in an envelope and making it like a super analog process. Because I usually do readings like online. One of the reasons for this is because the holiday seasons are coming up, and I wanted a physical product that would be like really good to put in some stocking stuffers. So that's like the business perspective. But also, I feel like there's a lot of screen fatigue going on. I was like really excited for the prospect of, there's like a restaurant down the street from where I live. And they're like, super, like spooky and like gamer-esque kind of thing. And I was like really excited to like proposition them over at Halloween and being like, I'd love to like sit in a corner booth in your restaurant and just like do live readings. And I'm like, I just get paid with tips and you can like bring people in or whatever. And then I can't do that because of  the pandemic and everything. So it's like, how can I reproduce that kind of physical experience and like bringing those messages that way. And it was really nice, because as we were discussing earlier, I'm notorious for over-committing myself, always. And as I was putting it together, I kind of, I got a wholesale order for them. So someone like bought a bunch of them to put in their store. And at that point, it was like at the point of no return I had to like buy all the materials and I was like, Hey, we're doing this. And midway through I was just like, this is too big like I can't do this. I've never done this before what if everything I do is gonna let this store down. I already bought all this stuff like this is terrible. I had like 18 assignments due and I was like freaking. And then I finally got to the point where I was just sitting down and like writing the letters. And it was like, super nice and meditative. And then I got like washi tape and  stickers and I like did them all up. And then I put them in the envelope. And then I did a wax seal, which is like  much easier than I thought it was going to be. So I learned a new skill and just going through all the process and like putting all the letters together, it was a great way to disconnect from my screen. It was a great way that I hope I can intuitively connect with just like people in the community in a way where they kind of have like a physical reminder of that reading. But also that like allows them to disconnect from their screens for a little bit as well. And maybe do some intuitive reflective work, just kind of like on their own with actual paper. And it was nice to write things. So yeah, that's kind of like the story of that. In a nutshell. I hope I answered your question.

Braeden:  Yeah, no, that's nice. It touched on it really beautifully. And yeah, you've got, you definitely inspired me to like, bust out the wax seal that's been in my drawer that I just like impulse bought at like a stationery store, and then never did anything with. So I think this is the season for snail mail. And that's why, yeah, I really wanted to connect with you about that.

Sabrina:  Oh, another point real quick, too, was that the other inspiration for this too, was with electronic readings, it's very much just me. But the sheer amount of supplies that I needed to do this required me to go out and buy things. And this was also an avenue for me to reinvest into the community. So all of my like materials are from, or not all of them completely all of them, but the majority of the materials, I made sure to look and try to source as much as I can from like local Toronto businesses. So most of my stationery stuff is from this place called Wonder Pens, which is like, in the West. And they're owned by the like this couple, who I believe are also people of colors, so I'm also trying to like uplift like BIPOC and other marginalized communities. And then I got like one of the cameras that I was using from this place called Henry's, which is like an independent photography shop in Toronto. So that was another thing too, was like a physical product means that I could get physical tools and buy them from other small businesses.

Braeden:  That's very cool. Thank you for sharing. Maybe in keeping with thinking about like analog and slowing down and time away from screens, and just sort of like, I don't know, connecting with tactile things in a meditative way - I think, Melissa, I'll toss it over to you. I noticed that there's a lot of foccacia popping up on your Instagram feed if you don't mind me sharing that? I wondered if you had any reflections on that that you could share with us?

Melissa:  Yeah, you would be right, we have been making like two foccacia a week, which is like not good, because that means we've also been eating two a week. And I mean it's, I guess it could be good or bad, depending on how you look at it. But yeah, I'm not sure if anybody is familiar with Claire Saffitz. She used to work at Bon Appetit. And now she's doing her own independent thing, which is awesome. But yeah, we took her focaccia recipe that she posted kind of as like the breakout on her YouTube channel. And we, my partner and I, aren't super big breadmakers, which actually thinking about that is a lie, because I do have a sourdough starter in my fridge. But yeah, we thought we'd give foccacia a shot, because in all honesty, I don't think I had  ever even eaten it before. So I was like, might as well just make it and try it all at once. And it is very therapeutic. In terms of slowing down, I mean, obviously, you do need to rely on the screen a little bit to like, watch the video and take your notes and stuff. But once you're there, it's a lot of waiting, which I'm not very good at. I'm not a super patient person. So I think that it's a good exercise for me to make things like bread where you are forced to wait. And, you know, if you don't wait and you get impatient, bad things can happen to your bread. So it's a really good exercise for me. And if you ever get a chance to make focaccia when you get to the dimpling part, where you have to like press down the dough, you will never feel anything like that in your life. It is amazing. And the better, like the more you  you let your dough proof and like the bigger it is. We also realized the first time we made it, we didn't put enough water. So the second time we made it, it was that much fluffier. And even that, like even if you don't eat bread, I would make the bread and dimple it so that you can feel it and then gift it to somebody because it's amazing. So yeah, that's kind of a way that we've been, I guess turning off and kind of spending some nice time together. Which is great. So yeah, we've been eating a lot of bread, you would be right in saying that my feed is all foccacia now.

Braeden:  No, it's wonderful. I really enjoyed it. So, yeah. What about you, Rebekah? Janine? Are there like some tactile analog screens-free activities that you're doing? Or maybe, or maybe thinking about doing in these coming weeks of hopefully getting some some rest and some time away from work?

Rebekah:  Yeah, absolutely. When you mentioned snail mail earlier, like with Sabrina, I was thinking like, over this entire summer, I actually also did a snail mail campaign where, because I was back home with my parents after having left Canada because the lockdown, I spent a lot of time like writing letters back and forth, like people I hadn't talked to in a really long time. I wrote letters to my cousins. I wrote letters to like classmates from like university and classmates from high school. And it was just like, really therapeutic. And that act of waiting. Like Melissa said, I'm not a very patient person. So that idea of like having to be patient for like the mail to be delivered. And then, you know, checking the mailbox every day thinking like, Oh, is it here? Like is the letter here? I don't know. I felt like SpongeBob in that moment, just like constantly waiting by the mailbox, just like for something to come. And then I also was staring at the stack of cards that I have sitting next to my computer on my desk that I bought on a whim because I was like, You know what, maybe we'll do like holiday gift - like holiday card ideas, like send out to friends and family. Um, haven't gotten around to that, because this semester has not permitted me to do so yet. But I think that that's something that I'm going to try to pick back up again. Because like Sabrina said, it's like really therapeutic for me to like, write to people, and then the idea of waiting. I just love getting something in the mailbox. Like, I think that's really fun. So, yeah, and another tactile thing. I'm just like constantly writing in my journal. Like, I always joke that like, my journal is going to be turned to a memoir one day. But like, I think I'm like actually serious about it. Now at this point, I'm not writing for other people still, but like, I'm very much thinking in that historian brain and like wanting to document like my life during this pandemic over the course of this year, because I've learned a lot about myself. I grew a lot, challenged myself a lot. And so I think it'll be a really cool way to like, look back, like during this time especially because this - time is fake - But like, especially looking back over this year, like, time has gone by so fast and so slow at the same time. Like February is right around the corner. And I'm thinking like the last time I went out and had fun was for my birthday, which was in February of last year. And that's like two months away. So not really sure what happened between now and then but it just keeps going by so I think a journal will be a really cool way to like, share that with my future family. You know, like you're learning about 2020 in school. Well, let me crack open a journal for you. And I'll tell you about what was actually happening. So yeah, that's kind of where I'm at.

Braeden:  Thank you for sharing. Janine, what about you?

Janine:  I feel like, during this time, I've gotten a lot more in touch with my creative side. Like the past month, I think I was super stressed. And one way that I kind of, like kind of took care of myself because I don't want to say self care. I want to just be like, Yeah, I was not doing well and it wasn't like a skincare routine. It was like, I felt like I was losing my voice for a bit because I was working like so hard on things to please other people that I kind of lost my creative voice a bit. And so I created this photo essay and I interviewed a lot of people around me about their experiences and about their lives about different themes. And that made me really happy. And I think that going back to my journalistic side, that's a lot more of just listening to people and talking about things in a more abstract way has made me feel more myself. So I want to do more of that. I want to explore, like photo essay type projects. Obviously podcasts, but even like just poetry. I feel like sometimes we work, work, work, work work, and we forget that our internal voice is still there. And I want to do projects that are true to myself as well. Because sometimes I get sucked into this idea that um you know, I have to be the perfect package of like a 4.0 student and a perfect daughter, a perfect sister, a perfect whatever. And I end up losing myself in the process. So doing projects like this really make me happy.

Braeden:  That's it. That's all my questions. [laughs]

Rebekah:  I was gonna say like, Braeden, what about you? Have you been linked in with any like tactile things?

Braeden:  I feel like I did kind of get into a flow with  cooking. I feel like the past couple weeks, there is something about like - I feel like it's so boring - but just like chopping vegetables. Like I can just turn my brain off. And not like, I mean - I'm sure all of you  wrestle with this - like work is showing up in your dreams and like, it just completely hijacks your brain space. And, and I find like when I'm cooking, it's just the smells and I'm chopping, you know, 1000 carrots. What's really nice, I think, that's helped me get into this ritual - I get a Good Food Box from Foodshare, which is a really amazing organization, every Thursday. And it's just like a signal to my brain  that I have to like - it kinda reminds me - I used to work, I've worked in a lot of restaurants as a cook. And, you know, you have your delivery days. And you just, like you just cook, or cut, chop, like 1000 things of everything. And so, yeah, every Thursday, I just  chop a ton of vegetables. And I can just -  it just feels like the only time that my brain shuts off from the things that I'm stressed about, or like my to do lists. And I'm just, I feel like fully present. And then I get a great nourishing meal out of it. So yeah, I feel like I'm actually also doing something nice for myself that is nourishing and generative. So yeah, that's been really nice. Thanks for asking.

Janine:  I love that you guys love doing things with your hands. And like, that's a form of therapy. For me, it's the opposite. Like I hate, like cutting things up for cooking and stuff like that. Like for me, I find a lot of comfort in stillness. And I feel like, granted I've burned down the kitchen once before or almost burnt down the kitchen trying to cook. So there's some bad experiences with that. But like, generally, I've just been having a lot of walks in trails and just forcing myself to, you know, just sit and journal and write or like, think of the first thing that pops into my mind. And I feel like, I don't know, I really love that you guys - like we each have different ways of expressing ourselves and different coping mechanisms. And I think, Melissa, it's funny that you mentioned foccacia, because I only learned about that yesterday. I didn't know what it was until yesterday. But my mom is also a bit big on making breads. I just for some reason, I am too scared to try it myself. I think if I tried it myself, it would go terribly bad.

Melissa:  You should definitely try it, I promise you, it will not go poorly. My only expert tip for you is don't forget the salt because I forgot the salt yesterday. And it does make a difference. But you should try it. It's really easy. And I can send you the video. And if it doesn't work out, then just slather some dip on it and dip it in balsamic vinegar. And it'll be fine. You can't mess it up, I promise.

Sabrina:  I think, too, there's like salience. And like, say your thing, like just try it. And like see, especially when it comes to bread. And I know especially in the everyone like being at home people are reconnecting to like growing plants. And like everyone's like baking bread and like doing these very kind of like slower tasks that take time. And I think something that I keep thinking about too is this post I saw an Instagram, which is not unique to that person, because I think it's just a general thing. But like "the day you plant the seed is not the day that you like harvest the fruit." And I think too, like we're talking about, like work showing up in our dreams and like having these expectations. And I think moving back to these things where it's like especially when it comes more to plants, I'm thinking more to plants, the philosophy like your breathing life into something that's like also its own thing. And sometimes things don't work out. And like that's okay. And even with bread, like honestly, sometimes the breads rising, and then it collapses. Like, it doesn't want to hold all that air in you know what I mean? L ike I don't - I mean I kind of subscribe to a form of animism. So I think there's life in all things. But I do think the life in bread is different than the life in like plants. But I think that's just like more of a testament to like, not everything can be controlled, or like confined into like a small test, test-case box. And sometimes things just kind of like, do run their course. And it's up to you to just kind of adapt and accept that and like wait and see how things crop up in time. I think there's virtue in that as well. Like learning to like live more slowly and like see what happens.

Rebekah:  Yeah, that's actually a really cool idea that like something that I've been trying to reflect more about recently is, you know, trying to like - this year has thrown so many curveballs in like many, like many ways than one and so the idea of like not really knowing what the final product will be like, and kind of like you said, Sabrina, like, you're planting seeds and like, you have to wait for them to grow and like see what kind of options and stuff kind of come out of that. And I'm in the process of like applying to different programs right now. And everyone's like, well, what's your number one choice? Like, where do you want to go? And I'm like, you know what, I'm just, I'm just planting seeds right now. Like, I'm just trying to, like, see and wait and not trying to get my hopes up too high. And just trying to like, become more comfortable with like, living in this ambiguous like, not being able to plan my life out for like, five or 10 years kind of thing. Um, over the summer, I actually like bought a stick and poke tattoo kit. As like a whim like, everyone's out here making foccacia or like making sourdough and was like, You know what, I'm gonna learn how to tattoo myself. So why not? Um, that was my quarantine project. And I did this one tattoo. It's like, what is it called, like a crystal ball. I tattooed it on my ankle. And I just really like the idea of a crystal ball. Because you're always trying to like, see into the future. Like, you're always trying to look and like, figure out what's coming next. And that was my entire shtick over the summer. I was like, what's coming next? When am I coming back to Toronto? What am I doing after this year? Like, how - what is life going to look like? And things were changing every two weeks. Like you couldn't really plan for it into the future. Like you had no idea what was going to happen next month. And even now my mom's like, when am I gonna see you? I'm like, You know what? I can only think till the end of December. I can't think past that right now. But yeah, looking at that crystal ball literally reminds me like, okay, you're always trying to look and see what's coming next. And like, of course, it's good to have a plan. I'm a planner. Like, it is what it is. But I'm just trying to like, remind myself like, it's fine. If you don't know exactly what's happening next. You are not supposed to that's like the really cool thing about like, this whole life thing or whatever. Yeah, I don't know, I think crystal balls are a really cool way to monument that and I got a really sick tattoo out of it. So yeah.

Janine:  I kind of feel the same way. Like, I feel like I've, I've always like, wanted to control everything in my life and wanted my plans to work out a certain way. And even though I'm really young, I still feel like, that's been a part of me, since I was really young. I've always kind of wanted to be an overachiever. Never really was, but always had that intention. And I feel like, as we're graduating next year, next semester, I feel this sense of like calmness knowing that I don't know what my next step is. And I like that. I like that, you know, I'm going  into this new chapter of my life, this new phase, where I'm not sure what's gonna come of it. But what I do know is I kind of - it's kind of cheesy - but I want to live a value-based life as opposed to like a goal-oriented life. And that doesn't mean that I don't have ambitions, but I am trying to focus more on the day to day values that I instill in my work and my friendships and my character, as opposed to like, you know, associating my worth with a certain career or a certain job, or, you know, whatever it is. I just, I'm kind of tired of like, putting my worth up against, like, my ambitions. And it's good to have a healthy balance with that. But right now, I want to take a break from that next year. And that's my, like, seed that I'm trying to grow next year. Yeah,

Sabrina:  I feel like what you're talking about when it comes to like, future planning is really salient. I was literally in my apartment yesterday talking to Max like, Okay, so we'll  graduate in June, and then we can like rent our new place, and we're going to foster dogs for a year and then we're gonna foster children. And I'm like, trying to figure out like my three year plan, because, you know, I came into it thinking that I was going to go to law school, which is not completely off the table, but I'm definitely not going to go right after graduation. And this is gonna be like, the first time in my life where like, I'm not - I'm like ending that - I'm ending a year, but I'm not knowing that I'm going to go into another year, you know what I mean? Like, I don't have that structure of school telling me like, where you're going to be and like, what you need to read and what you need to do, and it's a full time thing. And I was ready to like, until 24, just like have that structure. And then I got into this audio thing. And then I was like, I'm not gonna go through the torture that is professional school. Now it's like, literally, I turned to my partner and I was like, I just don't -  I'm, it's just hitting me that I need to figure out like, what am I going to do for the rest of the entirety of my life? Like starting in May, it's just going to be - like I'm not taking summer classes to get somewhere else. I'm not in pursuit of a degree or any sort of like outside metric of like something that like someone else deemed I need to get or like to get to something. I just can, I don't know, I can like move somewhere if I want to. I can like try buy a house. I can't buy a house. But like, theoretically, I could buy a house if I had the means, you know what I mean? Like, if we were in a different world, I could buy a van and like, go live in the woods somewhere. Like, I'm just like, freaking out. So yeah, I think I need to plant some seeds, but then like, let them grow. And stop trying to like envision what the life, what my life would be like having those fruits yet when I don't even know what seeds I'm planting.

Melissa:  I think that's such like, everybody's kind of echoed the same sentiments that like, you know, we all kind of have an idea. And then the pandemic had other ideas. And now nobody really knows what's happening. And obviously, nobody wants to be in a pandemic. But I think something that has come out of this is like, it's a very humbling experience for a lot of people. But I think especially for students, and especially for students who are, you know, like, everybody's kind of set already. Like, they have goals in mind. And they have a schedule, and they have a life plan and whatever. And the pandemic came around and was like, actually, none of that is on the table anymore. And, like, obviously, that's distressing. And a lot of people who have, you know, mental health issues are really struggling right now. And like there are a lot of negatives. But I think that the one thing that it's really teaching people is you, you can't know what's happening. And I think that that's okay. So yeah, I don't know. I feel like I also graduate this year from, in April, from grad school. Which is crazy. So we're not going to talk about that. But in general, like, there's just so much up in the air right now. And I think that, I don't know. I think that it's kind of healthy, especially for folks like myself who are really type A and really planners and organized and whatever. Like you don't know what's happening. And that's okay. And nobody else knows what's happening, either. So I think that it's been sort of, like the patience that is needed to make bread. I think that the patience that's needed now, too, is something that maybe nobody asked for, but maybe some people needed. I don't know. Yeah, I struggle a lot too with wondering what to do after because I haven't not been in school since I was like a kid. So I don't know, that's a lot of pressure. But I think that what you guys have said about like, just planting seeds where you can and figuring out which ones are going to grow and blossom and which ones aren't, like that's all right. And I think that's just part of the experience. So yeah, I don't know, just everything that you guys said was really nice. And I think that it's true that everybody has been forced to slow down, which has been tough, but I don't know, maybe unnecessary toughness for a lot of us. So it's gonna be interesting to see what happens when our seeds start to grow wherever we've planted them.

Janine:  And I don't know if you guys also feel this, but I have depended on other people's validation for a really long time with my work and what I want to do. And culturally, you just feel like, you know, it's a reflection of not just yourself, but your family, your parents. Like they've invested in you your whole life and stuff like that. So I I kind of had to let go of that pressure of I'm trying to impress other people, because I have to choose between, you know, being true to myself doing work I'm passionate about and being okay with uncertainty, and put other people's opinions of me aside and not give them the weight that they once had on the way I think of myself. And so, yeah, I just wanted to also add that.

Braeden:  Yeah, I'll jump in as, as someone who's sort of like on the other side of, of having gone through school, and then, you know, it feels like a long time since I was in school. But yeah, Janine I think that was like the biggest transition of - I remember, my first actually, my first job after school was cooking, was as a cook in a kitchen. And it was like, I had to retrain my brain. I didn't realize how institutionalized my brain had become where I would like, you know, I would like make something or prep something and be like, okay, but like, what's my grade on this? Like, how did I perform? Like, what's the bell curve on this like creme brulee I made? Like I was so desperate for this like feedback or like, you know, or how I'm doing or - and it was like it was a real, it kind of felt like a brick wall of a reality check of like, Oh, I actually need to source this from myself. And I can't just like move through the world trying to like mine this like performance based review from people, because that's not real life. Like it was, it was a really trying experience. Like going, getting out into the working world and also just as like, yeah, listening to all of you talk about like, what's next - like, I mean, you're just gonna live lifetimes. Like with each year that passes you're going to work so many jobs. You're going to go so many places. You're going to meet so many people that like before you know it, when you look back at the past couple years - when I look back at the past 5 years, 10 years, since I've been out of school, like I can't even list the number of different jobs I've worked in. It's just all just sort of snowballed one, one from the other. So yeah, I'm really excited at like the blank canvas that sort of lays ahead for all of you. And, yeah, I'm excited to like, keep in touch, you know, throughout all of that, to see where all of you are, are traveling and doing and creating.

Rebekah:  That's actually interesting, because it reminds me of an article that I read from the New Yorker yesterday. The article was about, like, if you could see other iterations of your life, like, depending on the choices and stuff that you made. And I love that concept. Like, I think that, you know, a bunch of sci fi movies kind of do that. But my favorite movie is called Mr. Nobody with Jared Leto, where he lives like three different lifetimes because he never makes a choice. And so at the end of his life, when someone's like interviewing him, like, Oh, so what was your life, like? He recounts, like, all of these different lifetimes that he lived because in his mind he never made a choice and actually lived all those different realities. It's a really trippy movie and I highly recommend if you get a chance to watch it. But the article was really fascinating, because, you know, this like concept of like, oh what would my life be if I made this choice? Or if I did this thing, if I did that thing? Like, for people who constantly live in that framework, you know, like, what if, what if? what if? what if? It can be like really overwhelming. Whereas like, some people kind of wrestle with that "what if" idea, and they're like, Okay, cool. That's a fun thought experiment. Now, let's get back to like, you know, regular life. I don't know. I don't know if anyone else like in this call does that but I also think about like the movie Meet the Robinsons, and how like, he built a time machine where he could have like seen what his life - like there's different alternate realities. I think alternate realities are really cool. But I sometimes wonder like what my life would have looked like if I had made different choices. But not trying to dwell on that. So I'll just toss it out there.

Sabrina:  Yeah, my main like philosophical stream is ethics. Not that they stream you in philosophy in U of T. It's just what I enjoy. So that is the life that I live Rebekah. I wake up in the morning, and I'm like, what if I wear this blue shirt? Like, is it immoral to wear it? Like what? I like go to the grocery store and I'm like, Is it wrong that I'm buying this? Like what if I didn't - you know what I mean. But it's like all the way down to like a micro, like microcosmic decisions to be like how would my life be differently if I changed my life in this way? Always from like, a moral perspective. And I definitely think that, it's like, yeah. I feel like there's definitely those people there who like have that thought experiment and then they like move on with their lives. And I think that's also really important to be able to cast like that. But when you're like trapped in that cycle of like, but what if I do this, but what if I do that? What if whatever? It can become like really overwhelming, like you were saying. Because then you just don't want to make a decision. Because who knows what's gonna happen. And I think that's the - that's that thing, too - is like that need for control that we're talking about. And like, some semblance of like I know where I'm going. And I know what's about to happen and I know that I'm going to be safe, right. I think that's like, the big thing, too, is like people looking for safety in like a lot of the visions of  the future that they see. And it's like an interesting balance to strike between like allowing yourself to consider all these possibilities, but then also acknowledging that you can't, like you were saying with a crystal ball, like you can't actually look into the future.

Janine:  Yeah, that's such a cool article. I really want to read it Rebekah. I love Meet the Robinsons was one of my favorite when I was younger. And I think that if you pose the question, would I want to know what my life would look like a year, two years, three years from now, the answer for me is always No. I do not have that curiosity in me because I actively create my own future every day. And that sounds like - I've - this sounds kind of, I don't know, I watched an interview with Miley Cyrus last night talking about her album. And I really liked what she said. She goes, "every night, I kind of say goodbye to myself and I wake up a new person." And so that's where self forgiveness comes in is, you know, you can't say that, you know, next year I have to have this like checklist for my life. And for this year, and I have to do this, this and that. And I have this intricate plan. Because when you do that life kind of laughs at you and just says no. [laughs] Refuses everything that you know, you've pushed yourself to you know obsess over and stuff. So I think it's like maybe this balance that we need to strike between actively working for what we want in our lives. And, you know, working and manifesting that every day, but also letting go of that control and being like, I have this self forgiveness, self acceptance. Whatever comes will come, and I'm okay with it. And it's a very hard balance to strike.

Sabrina:  I think too Braeden, going back to what you were saying about like that external validation is so real. And it's like one of the many, many, many, many, many reasons why I get very upset when professors like excuse their terrible policies being like, well, I'm just preparing you for the real world. Like, no. You're just preparing me to continue in academia. And that's a whole other kettle of fish. But like, the real world is not like this. I had to like work through this, like with my therapist. Because at my - this job is great, because it's all about creative expression. And there's like no punishment to that. But I feel like the world, "real world" is interesting. Because when you're like employed somewhere, like you can get fired. So there is that kind of form of performance review. But like, as long as you're doing what you're supposed to be doing, like no one's gonna check in at the end of your work every day and be like "Good job! B plus! Here's how you could have improved," you know what I mean? Like, maybe you should have used like, a blue paperclip and 12 point font instead of a red paperclip and 10 point. Like, they just want to know that you got the thing done. And I'm now in a position where I'm like working in a more of like a professional capacity where like, to me, it's like the concept of like being fired has like replaced the concept of like getting a C plus. And I'm like everything's terrible because then I'm just automatically gonna be fired. And I have to like, talking to my therapist about it, and I'm like, every decision I make, I'm like waiting for my supervisor to come back at me and be like here's where you could have improved. Here's where you did well and here's what you whatever. And it's like, she just wants me to get my work done. She does not care. You know what I mean? Like, she hired me because she thinks I'm competent. So she's like, there's ways that I'm being trained, but also ways where it's just like she's trusting me to do the thing. And it's more of like a completion mark, I suppose. If you want to keep up the school analogy. I think it's very interesting to be aware of those things, because I was not aware of it. And I also found myself too - and I think this is like another issue with like the post-secondary system - but like, a lot of the assignments that I do in class, I'm not necessarily doing what I want to do. I'm doing what I think my TA is going to mark well, right. And that's also another mentality that I needed to subvert when I entered like this sort of position where it's like, I need to stop creating things that I think my supervisor is going to like pat me on the back for solely because I want her to pat me on the back. Like I need to create good work that I'm proud of that I know she will be happy with. Because she hired me to do the work that I know that I can do you know what I mean? And I feel like these are like really important things to acknowledge that people might not even realize, because then you enter like these workspaces and you have this feeling of like, why does everything feel so out of place? Like, what am I seeking? Like, why does this feel so weird? And it's just like, because everything that you've been like taught to do and the way that you've been trained to like interact with the work that you're doing is not actually appropriate for this space. And like you're not the problem. It's just like your conditioning and the way that you've been working for the past couple of years. And, yeah.

Melissa:  I actually, Sabrina, something that you said made me think, actually kind of have a realization. I have an interview this week for a big person job, which is very exciting. But speaking of, you know, having that academic like evaluation sense instilled into you, I didn't even realize that I did this. But I reached out to somebody who like already works for the organization to try to get some insight into the interview process. And now that you said that, Sabrina, the only two questions that I asked her were about how I was going to be evaluated. So I asked her a question, how much do I need to know about x topic? Or like, Am I - I basically asked her if I was going to be quizzed. And then the second question that I asked is, does she want like, the interviewer, in your experience, does she want me to hand her a portfolio. And she basically responded and was like none of that is necessary. They're basically just - I hate, like, I don't want to say vibe checking, but basically they're just making sure that you're a good fit. And like, they made me do a personality assessment. So I'm pretty sure they're just making sure I'm not lying. But like, the first thing that I wanted to know is like, Am I being tested on my knowledge? And if so, how am I being tested? And if, like what is the test look like? And I didn't even realize that that was an academic thing until this conversation right now. And it's funny, because when I realized that it wasn't going to be that, I felt relieved. So I feel like, I wondered what that kind of says about those values that have been instilled in us from being in academia for so long. The fact that I feel so relieved that she's just going to ask me about who I am as a human being and not judge me based on if I get a pretend test, right. Like, I don't know. I just, I didn't realize but that's kind of just a personal anecdote about how that - I feel like that idea kind of creeps into your life in ways that you don't realize all the time, which is very harmful in my opinion. But yeah, that definitely is going to take some unlearning. So if anybody has any tips on how to unlearn years of academic pressure, let me know. [laughter]

Rebekah:  We're all like shaking our heads.

Sabrina:  I did want to say, like, the biggest like - this isn't necessarily like a learning process. It was just one situation, but that kind of like helped me put things in certain perspective. It's like - my, one of my siblings is like over, a decade older than me. So I was like, back in like, [Rebekah gestures "me too"] (whoo, yeah! Rebekah! Twinsies). So like, it was like, I was back in early highschool, early highschool. And he was at my house, and he was doing like an interview, like Skype interview or whatever. And I was just in the living room, but I was like, over listening, because he was just talking, it was like everyone's business in the common space. And, you know, he's talking about his resume. And he's talking about his qualifications. And he was just like, yeah, I speak French, like English is my native language, but I also speak French. And I was waiting for them to be like, okay, conjugate like passe compose. Like, he was like, whatever. And like, the interviewer, I believe, also spoke French, and then just started speaking French to him. And then they spoke French for like, five minutes. And then they moved on. And I was like, they didn't test him. Like, they didn't test them. Like, they just spoke French. And then they moved on. And then I - this is like years later, right - like, a couple months ago, I was in the interview for the job that I'm in now that I'm trying to unlearn these like academic things. And, you know, she was just kind of like "So I see you speak French on your resume." And I was like, yeah, and she's like, cool. Like, someone that we're working with also speaks French, so you can connect on that. And then we just moved on. And I was like, Wow, I didn't need to do a dicte. I thought I would going to like interviews and they'd be like, so here are your conjugation sheets, you have 20 minutes, hand them back and then we'll evaluate your proficiency. And I think it's really interesting because like, even like my partner, he's going into a different sector. And he actually gets quizzed in the sector that he's in. It's actually common to be quizzed and have take home assignments. And they'll send them to you and then see how you go through those assignments like to be hired, like, Oh my god, that sounds terrible. I'm looking at him right now telling him that like, that sounds terrible. So it's definitely not like all the case, I'm sure in certain respects like that academic training is helpful in certain sectors. And this is more of like a STEMy kind of sector for him. So that I think makes a lot more sense. Because it's more quantitative than qualitative. But yeah, I think what was very helpful for me was that seeing possibly the way that my life could turn out, even in  early high school by like watching my brother's interview, even years, or listening to my brother's interview like even years, years, years ago, and then experiencing that kind of situation myself, is just understanding kind of like, even what Melissa was saying. Like understanding the circumstances where like, you aren't necessarily going to be quizzed. And like, that's okay. And just know that like, not everything in life is going to be like some pop quiz trying to trick you into like, creating a metric for your performance or something. Some people will just like believe you. Which I think is also something like it's like, phased out of people as they move through like institutions and structured institutions. Like people don't believe people for things. Like you need a whole note that you have to pay for just to tell someone that you were sick. And like, can I get like a rewrite for this thing? Like yeah, it's just interesting that in the "real world" there's more space for trust and just kind of like taking people for their word.

Braeden:  Yeah, um, maybe to round out the end of our hour together I would love it if we could go around, and if everyone, if you're comfortable, if you could share maybe some work or an aspect of your work, or the way that your work that you work that you're proud of. And then maybe, do you have like an intention or a well wish to cast towards yourself over this break for your rest and restoration? Like, as we round out our last conversation into the year like what's like a good intention that you want to cast towards yourself to invest in yourself over the break?

Rebekah:  Oh, tough question. I don't know, for me, I'm working on a couple of different projects right now. And I guess I'm just really proud of the way that like, I've not only like sought out like these different projects that feel very different from what I usually do in my academics as a way to like challenge me. Like I'm working this writing project right now, and I write a lot for myself, but I don't really write for other people very often. And so this is a, like a challenge and a test, but I get to interview some people who I'm really excited to interview and like, you know, tell the story that I don't think that is like currently being told. But my well wish for myself for over the break is to reconnect with my grandparents. I know, that's completely unrelated to what I just said. But, um, I've been like, meaning to like, reconnect with them for a while. And it gets like really hard to do that like during the thick of the school year. And so I floated the idea to my grandparents a couple of weeks ago that I want to do like an interview style thing with them like I did when I was in high school as an updated version four years later. Because I think that there's like more questions that I want to ask them. And while I still have them here to ask those questions, I want to like make sure I can document that and like have that as a family historian type of thing. So, um yeah, that's my wish for myself is to like actually make that happen. And so I'm saying this now, because I'm gonna listen to this later. And it's going to remind myself, Hey, did you do that thing that you said you're going to do? And hopefully the answer will be yes. There we go.

Janine:  I love that idea. I think that just inspired me to do the same with my grandmas. To call them and ask them these questions. I think for me in the break, I want to just personally clear my head a bit. And like I said before, kind of find my voice again and find my passion again. Because I think I've lost it for a bit. Like not lost it, but it's definitely dim because of like, a lot of anxiety and stress and stuff lately. And I think that I want to meditate. That's one way that I want to take care of myself and whatever will come creatively will come. Whether it's writing or audio or visuals, I'm just giving myself that space to breathe. Like, it sounds like a simple thing. But it's, it's harder than it seems to just breathe and meditate and take care of myself in that sense.

Sabrina:  For me, something that I'm proud of, in my workflow - I think I've been moving into a space of establishing good boundaries across everything that I'm committed to in a way that honors how I've committed to those things. And doesn't like, have me like under delivering. But then also in a way where I can like juggle everything. And I think my like wish for myself for this, this kind of break period is honestly just to rest. And to like, just take some time to do nothing or like do things that I enjoy. Like for myself. I don't even know, I don't even know what rest means. Because I also have like a bunch of ideas. So it's like, people are like well you need to rest and it's like but I also want to do 1000 things. So like, I don't. I don't know how you marry those two things. But I will - I don't know, hit me up in three weeks, and we'll see if I figured it out.

Melissa:  Those are all really great well wishes to yourself. I think that it's really important to cut yourself some slack when you can. And on that note, I guess something that I am proud of is I was talking to folks about my education plan earlier. So it's basically just an academic assignment that I'm working on. And I'm really proud of it. Because I think that I surprised myself with how like legitimate it feels. Like I feel like looking at it makes me feel like maybe I am actually a museum professional. And I don't know, I feel like it kind of helps mitigate some of that imposter syndrome. So it's always nice when you produce something that you feel like, Hey, I could maybe actually show this to an institution. So that's been pretty cool. And it's also been fun to work on. And then my wish for myself I think is just to be nice to myself over the break. So if I need a day off to not do anything like that's okay. Whatever the outcome of this interview is, I think just being nice to myself about that. In echoing what Janine said, like, I'd also like to be creative over the break. I have a knitting project that I'm working on, but like if I don't finish it that's okay. So yeah, I think just giving myself space to be productive or to not be productive and trying not to put too much pressure on myself, which I'm pretty good at putting pressure on myself. That is I'm not as good at taking pressure off. So we'll work on that this week. And what about you Braden?

Braeden:  Um yeah, I think something, I think something that I'm, I'm proud of around work is that I'm realizing, I feel like for the first time, sort of my work is like integrating itself with me as a person and like who I am and how I move through the world. And like - and I feel like the actual bedrock of my work is in building relationships. And I feel like that's kind of who I am as a person. Like, I feel like I'm returning to who I've always been. And that's also just like integrating its way into work where it's just like the foundation of all of this, is in building relationships, building trusting meaningful relationships. But also, yeah, creating pathways for creative expression for myself and for the people around me. And so yeah, that just feels, it feels really nice to come into alignment with that after sort of years of like, a very like turbulent working life. And then something I guess, like some well wishes, I think I just want to read. Like, I just want to, I just want to sit on the couch and like read a book for three hours. And if I like fall asleep after 15 minutes with like,  with napping with like the book on my face, like, that's cool. That sounds like bliss. So yeah, thank you. Thank you all for for sharing. And for joining me in this convo. This is, this was really lovely. And I'm wishing all of you a wonderful restorative break and look forward to connecting in the new year and in hearing about all the nice things you all did for yourselves. Thank you so much to Sabrina, Rebekah, Janine, and Melissa for joining me in the West, Meeting Room for our last conversation of 2020. And a big thank you to all of our extended Hart House podcasting family who have all taught me so much about how to hold space for meaningful conversations. I hope this finds you heading into 2021 with a bit of a lighter load. And if things are feeling heavy right now, I would encourage you to call up someone who's helped you, someone who can bring you comfort, or someone who can make you laugh. Take care of each other in the meantime, and we'll be with you next week.