#i love how magnus follows alecs lips when they break apart

[magnusandalec]

My fave moments from that scene that I felt needed to be highlighted. :)

Magnus’ hand getting caught in Alec’s shirt.

Magnus’ running his hand up Alec’s arm.

Magnus chasing Alec’s lips (again); Alec pressing their foreheads together.

Alec closing his eyes; Magnus’ smile after the kiss, and that jaw-clench. (UNF!)

The way Alec nuzzles his face into Magnus’ shoulder.

Magnus’ thumb caressing Alec’s shoulder.

[cityofdownwardspirals]

~ A rose is a rose is a rose ~

A Malec Drabble

Magnus was sitting at the coffee table in his living room, taking in the night view. He had multiple apartments all around the globe and yet there was something special about looking at the New York skyline from his loft. He thought he could never get enough of it, even though he never managed to stay in one place at a time before, he thought that if he had to settle down, here would be a nice place.

He went to grab his Martini glass and just raised it to his lips when his peace and quiet was interrupted by a soft banging noise. Another one soon followed. The warlock frowned and some blue magic sparked up around his hands as he identified that the sound was coming from his balcony door. He took a step towards it and just then the third noise followed, but this time he saw what was causing it as well. It was a small pebble being thrown against his glass door.

Magnus’s frown turned into an amused smirk. If someone was trying to break into the High Warlock’s apartment then they had to know that a pebble wouldn’t really be able to pass through his wards or damage his windows in any way for that matter. So the warlock waited until a fourth pebble came and then he opened the door to the balcony, stepping out confidently. “Who dares disturb the High Warlock’s slumber? Show yourself or I shall turn you into a- Alexander?” he finished with a question, looking down from his balcony and seeing no other than Alec Lightwood looking up at him with innocent eyes that gave away right away the fact that he was the one throwing pebbles on his window. He was wearing his combat gear, meaning he probably just came back from his patrol and Magnus might have done a little magic on his scarlet suit to make himself look more presentable.

“I have a door you know? And you have a key to it. How did you even manage to throw your pebbles so high up?” he asked, basically shouting at the boy, knowing they were both glamoured so no one would look their way and even if they weren’t, this was New York so no one would care.

The Shadowhunter smiled sheepishly and scratched the back of his neck. Magnus thought he looked adorable. “Runes, remember?” Alex said as an answer to the second question. When Magnus raised an eyebrow, he continued. “I...watched some mundane movies to get an idea of how to apologize to someone. They also mentioned a boom box but I don’t own one and it sounds dangerous anyway,” he said, then pointed towards the balcony. “Mind if I join you?”

Magnus shot him a smile because that whole gesture almost made him forget why he was upset in the first place. “Of course, you know how I hate drinking alone,” he said, snapping his fingers and summoning a second glass for Alec.

He expected the Shadowhunter to walk around the building and walk through the door, but instead, Alec seemed to take one long look at the stone wall, assessing the spots with the best grip and then started climbing up the wall towards the balcony.

Magnus couldn’t help himself, cracking a smile and saying  dramatically. “Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?”

He was quite delighted when Alec finished climbing the last few feet and jumped up on his balcony. “Deny thy father and refuse thy name Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love And I’ll no longer be a Capulet.” The Shadowhunter finished, gracefully walking up to Magnus and stopping when their faces were just inches from each other. “Hi,” he added. The Martini glass in Magnus’s hand magically teleported to the coffee table.

The warlock smiled, his eyes fixed on Alec’s incredibly blue eyes that he could stare at forever. “Why does it not surprise me that Shadowhunters learn about Shakespeare in their classes?” he asked, not moving from where he was comfortably in Alec’s personal space.

Alec laughed and shrugged. “He was a well known old white supposedly straight male. Right for the Shadowhunter history books,” he said.

“’Supposedly straight’  is about right,” Magnus snickered and winked. Alec opened his mouth, like he wanted to say something but decided against it. The warlock smiled even more. “Oh no, I was not around to meet him I am afraid. But you know...rumors travel...”

Alec laughed and relaxed some more at that and then looked at the ground, putting his hands in just pockets nervously. “Look, I am really sorry about earlier. I know I acted like an idiot and I shouldn’t have blown up at you. Things have just been crazy with Clary in the Institute and Valentine and Jace getting himself in trouble as usual and I... I shouldn’t have said the things I said to you because it is not your fault and...yeah...” he trailed off, still not looking up.

If Magnus was honest, he couldn’t quite recall exactly what words they had exchanged. Alex just visited that morning and he looked stressed and then before they knew it they were both speaking louder than necessary and saying stuff they didn’t mean. He had forgiven Alec as soon as he stepped out of the door actually.

So he put a finger under Alec’s chin, making him look up and meet his eyes. “It is all in the past, Alexander... besides, I shouldn’t have reacted that way either and for that I am sorry. I missed you, I’m glad you are here,” he leaned in, finally closing the distance between them and kissing Alec gently on the lips.

Before he could go in for a more passionate kiss, the Shadowhunter pulled away and started digging in his pockets for something. He let out a little happy noise as he found what he was looking for and then held it in front of Magnus’s face. “I...I got you a little something. I know you don’t use your keys much because...magic. But I saw you don’t have any keychains so I got this for you,” he explained, holding out a little keychain with a charm that looked like a cat, it looked a lot like Chairman Meow, actually.

Magnus stared at it for a moment, just surprised that Alec even thought of getting him something after an argument. No one has ever done that for him before. He stared for another few seconds before he collected himself and took the keychain out of the Shadowhunter’s hand. “I...thank you, that is very thoughtful of you,” he said, putting the little charm in his pocket making a mental note to put it on his keys later.

Magnus sometimes couldn’t find the words to convey how he felt about his boyfriend. He wanted to tell him that he was his entire galaxy and that he would do anything for him, but even those words would not do it justice. So he decided to use someone else’s words this time.

“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” he said, taking Alec’s hand in his and placing small kisses on his knuckles.

The Shadowhunter blushed, a happy smile on his face. “Isn’t that the gay sonnet?” he muttered.

Magnus smiled, his lips brushing Alec's fingers. “You sure know your poetry, my dear.”

The End

Disclaimer: Characters are owned by Cassandra Clare

Also that last bit might have been inspired by that post I saw yesterday from @carelessflower saying Magnus never kisses Alec's hand so I fixed it.

Also shout out to my literature fellows who knew Sonnet 18 is inherently gay before reading this.

Also this was written on a long train ride and no one proofread it for me so I apologize for any mistakes my tired brain might have made... okay byeee

[sh-rare-pair-exchange]

For if they return they were always yours

For @aceon-ice​

Summary: The tightness in her chest, the coiling coldness in her gut, the force in her lungs, preventing her from exhaling properly; it’s been a blessing framed as a curse, or a curse disguised in pleasure. Even now, she’s not sure.Her head is; stubborn, proud, unwilling to sacrifice another part of herself. Unlike her heart; brave, but foolish, vigorous, but vincible, always hoping, close to unhinged surety that the next person she offers it to, will not strike, crush, or break it.She longs for that someone by her side, someone she can trust, count on, be comfortable with, and know, no matter the troubles, hardships, or challenges they'll face, they won’t forsake her.

A/N: Hello AceOnIce, I chose a fic for Lydia/Izzy, because I adore them, and I hope you can enjoy this. It's my first fic where they are the main couple, and I was hesitant, scared to mess up, but I really enjoyed writing it. <3

Read it on ao3: HERE

The shine of the blade hits her eyes as she moves it to polish the other side, her motions stilling as her mind drifts to memories, treasured, but painful.

Her fingers brush long blond hair from her lover’s naked shoulder, her skin shining golden in the candle light. She trails her fingers along her spine, down to the small dent of her lower back, and follows with her lips the same path upwards again.

She can feel the tremors in her lover’s body, hear the small sounds of pleasure, even the smile on her lips. She shifts around towards her, gray blue eyes locking with her own, a hand cupping her neck, pulling her closer, and she loses herself in fervent kisses.

The tightness in her chest, the coiling coldness in her gut, the force in her lungs, preventing her from exhaling properly; it’s been a blessing framed as a curse, or a curse disguised in pleasure. Even now, she’s not sure.

Her head is; stubborn, proud, unwilling to sacrifice another part of herself. Unlike her heart; brave, but foolish, vigorous, but vincible, always hoping, close to unhinged surety that the next person she offers it to, will not strike, crush, or break it.

She longs for that someone by her side, someone she can trust, count on, be comfortable with, and know, no matter the troubles, hardships, or challenges they'll face, they won’t forsake her.

She wants someone like Magnus, or Clary, devoting themselves to her brothers, unconditionally.

No one has ever given themselves to her unconditionally, and it leaves a bitter taste in her mouth, a toxic fracture in her heart, and endless thoughts of self-doubts, and feelings of inferiority. As if something inside her is simply wrong, and somehow, everyone knows, and leaves after taking her apart, a little at a time.

Lydia was never going to be hers. Everything about them was doomed from the start. She was a typical product of The Clave. Actually, she was a rather perfect creation. And Izzy hated her, for all the obvious reasons, but even more so, for the way she saw her own faults, prejudices, and failures reflected in her.

Thanks to Magnus, Luke, Raphael, and other Downworlders, Izzy realised that she had a long way to go before she could truly pride herself in an ally. She knew she couldn’t have escaped The Clave’s visions, not her parents’, not every Shadowhunter’s she ever had dealings with, had to learn from, but she always thought she was somehow… better.

Oddly, only through meeting, and getting to know Lydia Branwell, did Izzy really see her own shortcomings, and misconceptions. She was, and still is, grateful for that. She’s done more growing in the past year, than in all her life before that.

And she realised how exhausting, and excruciating taking yourself apart bit by bit is. To be brutally honest with herself about herself, everything she’s done, and even more so, the things she failed to do.

She’s especially thankful to her friends who helped her along this harsh journey, taught her, and opened her eyes in many ways, as well as her family, and some other Shadowhunters who felt that the old ways weren’t as golden as they were made out to be.

But she hadn’t expected Lydia Branwell to be one of them. Izzy had almost playfully cursed her beauty, because even though she was determined to hate this Clave envoy with all her might, she had two very well functioning eyes, and Lydia was sheer gorgeous.

When Izzy felt particularly petty, she even cursed her for that. But things changed, too fast for her mind to catch up. Suddenly, Lydia was on their side, and with that, on the side of innocent Downworlders they wanted to protect.

Izzy was never especially good at letting hate consume her, which some said to be one of her greatest strengths, and so animosity turned into sufferance, turned into acceptance, and surprising affection.

And soon her heart throbbed the moment Lydia entered a room, talked, smiled, and accidentally, or purposely, touched her. Even when they argued, and they did that a lot. But it helped them work out their differences in many aspects, and she just felt closer, and more drawn to her.

And when she found that she wasn’t the only one who made up reasons to spend more time together, she leapt into the feeling, into her arms, and bed.

And she was determined to have no more regrets.

She feels a blissful heaviness throughout her body, permeating her wholly, arms closing around her, rolling her over on her side, her naked body pressing into her lover’s, sheen with sweat.

Soft, thin strands of blond hair are sticking to Lydia’s face, she tries to blow from her eye, her face changing into mesmerizing laughter as she fails.

Izzy grins, and caresses all of her disturbing hair away, leaning in to press a kiss on the corner of Lydia’s smiling mouth, just to be hugged tighter, and kissed harder.

“You know,” Izzy’s head is comfortable on Lydia’s warm stomach, an arm wrapped over her, Lydia’s fingers gliding through her long, unruly hair, sending prickles along her neck, down her spine, she delights in.

“We’ve spent every night together for almost ten days.” Izzy continues, not sure why this thought took hold of her, but there’s always a reason.

“Yes, we have. And it’s been good.” Lydia says, her forefinger slowly running down Izzy’s brow and nose.

“Mmmm, yeah. Wouldn’t you like it to stay this way?” Izzy asks, sudden surprise and realisation taking her breath away.

“Even if I did, Izzy, it won’t. We won’t be here forever. Nothing is ever certain in our lives, but that things will always change.”

Izzy knew she would say something like that, there was no other option, even. Not for them. And, yet, a flicker of hope for something else was born the moment she asked, now extinguished, casting a shadow in her mind, chasing away her rare moment of levity.

She never said anything regarding this topic again afterwards, knowing how Lydia would react, knowing that hearing it from her lips would hurt even more. They were… something, but not everything, and once again, she had to accept that. She just wasn’t enough, for Lydia, or anyone, or maybe, what Alec and Jace found, was simply too rare, and most other Shadowhunters wouldn’t. She had to accept it.

Even when she knew she fell in love with Lydia, completely, she still had to accept that she was the only one, and that she was the one who would have to nurture another broken heart, once Lydia broke it off, or was sent away.

Or accepted a higher position at the Institute in Rome, with a very good chance to be promoted again.

Izzy knew that it was Lydia’s greatest wish, and ambition, and that she would always choose her head over her heart, and her career over a relationship. Izzy even understood it, to a point, but it still crushed her bone-deep to hear the words.

Lydia was leaving, and she would be happy with the decision. And Izzy had no say in the matter, and she couldn’t ask her to stay, would never plead, would not show how much it hurt, more so than she had anticipated, but it may as well.

She wished her all the best, smiled somehow, and left.

That was four months ago, and a lot had changed, again, just as Lydia said. Izzy was going to be the new Head of the New York Institute, because she too, had to put her career before anything else, because, again, she was proven wrong to want something else.

She hadn’t really talked to anyone about it, but she knew her brothers, and friends, knew, and she knew she could have cried and be comforted by them, but instead, she was grateful for Jace, and Clary’s willingness to train with her every day, and Alec’s insight into her new position, as well as Magnus, and Raphael’s teachings of more she had yet to learn, wanting to be the very best role model she could be, especially for the new generation.

Izzy blinks, the shine of the blade she’s gripped in her hands before her eyes, irritating them suddenly. She inhales, exhales, and puts the blade away, then cleans her work station.

She’s been here, on her own, for the past five evenings, just cleaning weapons, thinking, trying to unravel some of the knots in her mind. She knows she’ll be okay, generally. She knows what she has to do, must put forward, and still learn, and she knows it will never end.

And maybe, the void, sometimes filled with sadness, sometimes anger, sometimes loneliness, guilt, or pride, will become smaller in time. She can’t but try, one day at a time.

The door is suddenly pulled open, Jace storming inside, his expression grave, letting her know something bad happened.

Lydia is here, and she’s badly hurt. She was brought by two Shadowhunters who had been working with her in Rome, but Izzy can’t focus on that. She races to the infirmary, Jace on her heels, blood draining from her face as she sees her lying on the white bed, her face ashen, bruised, and bloody.

“She made us promise to take her here should anything happen to her.” Izzy isn’t able to look at the other two women in the room, her brain barely catching up with their words.

There was a demon attack, a big one, and Lydia got hurt. Izzy feels paralyzed, unable to do anything but keep staring at Lydia’s face, her eyes shut. She doesn’t even know if she’s breathing.

She suddenly feels a hand on her shoulder, and becomes aware of Jace behind her. “Iz.” She shakes her head slowly, forces air into her lungs, and steps forward, her whole being trembling.

People are rushing in and out, but she hardly notices, unable to take her eyes and mind off of Lydia’s face. Izzy’s hand shivers as she touches Lydia’s wrist, to find her pulse, weak. But alive. Time loses its meaning.

She blinks, warm, dark eyes meeting hers, a soft, compassionate smile. Magnus’ hands are moving slowly above Lydia’s motionless body, light-blue magic curling around them, into her.

Izzy doesn’t know who called him, or since when he’s been here, her eyes filling with unshed tears, her chest tight with gratitude, hope, and fear. She doesn’t know if she’s breathing herself.

“Give her some time now, darling, she needs lots of rest.” Magnus leans down, kisses her head, and makes to go, but Izzy catches his hand, clutches it tightly, looking up at him, feeling small, and fragile for a moment, not knowing what to say, her lips quivering.

“Thank you.” She thinks she might break down and cry, but she doesn’t, and he smiles at her, squeezes her hand, and leaves her alone with Lydia sleeping like before.

Except, Izzy notices finally, there’s more color in her cheeks, and the cuts and bruises have healed. There’s just some crusted blood. She gets a warm, moist cloth, and carefully wipes it off of her brow, and temple, suddenly stopping as her eyes swim with hot tears.

She moves backwards, turns away and takes a few deep breaths, fighting for composure. She puts the cloth away, and sits down again on the chair she’s been occupying for hours. She just can’t seem to move away.

She startles, not having realised she’s been drifting, her eyes taking in Alec’s face, bent down next to her. She blinks, fatigue keeping her mind hazy.

“Go get some rest, Iz, I’ll sit with her.”

Izzy turns, a rush of memories clearing her mind, staring at Lydia’s face. She’s sleeping, Izzy hopes. She’s breathing. That’s all that matters for now.

“Go on.” Alec prompts her, takes her hand gently, and pulls her off of the chair. Her body feels stiff and cold.

“No, I- I want to stay, I-”

“Just for a little while, I’ll call you immediately if anything changes.” She meets her brother’s gaze, warm, concerned, probing. She nods vaguely, but she can’t agree completely.

“I’ll just take a shower, then I’ll be back.” She knows he wants to argue, but changes his mind, smiles softly, and nods.

Her shoulders sag as she leans against the closed door outside, her head low. She feels surreal, exhausted. But there’s no time to waste. She walks the halls to her room, her boots the loudest sound around a quiet institute. It’s 1am, she notices as her gaze passes a clock, but she doesn’t care for that.

She strips, fastens her long, straight hair in a high bun, and steps under the warm water. She waits for a minute, turns it hot, waits another minute, and turns it cold, the shudders all over her body waking her up more.

She hasn’t really been able to think, but now, as she’s lathering soap over her body, her mind wanders to the start. To those Shadowhunters that brought Lydia here. She made us promise to take her here if anything happened to her.

It’s more than unusual, curious. Why would Lydia make them promise that? Why would she want to come here? It’s too strange. She can’t ask them now, as they had to leave right away. She wonders how their superiors reacted to their report. Or why no one tried to contact them - or, they might as well have, but no one told her. That’s more likely. She doesn’t care right now.

She only cares for Lydia to open her eyes, and talk to her. Explain. Just as long as she’ll be okay. Izzy rinses herself, steps out, grabs a towel and flings it around her body, walking back to her bedroom to find some casual, warm clothes.

She glances at her bed for a moment, but even if she wanted to, she wouldn’t be able to sleep. Instead she takes her stele and activates her runes to get herself through the night awake.

She slips into sneakers, fastens her hair in a neat ponytail, and heads back to the infirmary. Alec looks up, not really surprised to see her back so soon. He would do the same, be the same, so he has no leeway to reprimand her, anyway.

He stays with them for a while, quietly. She knows she could talk if she wanted to, and there are things she might want to ask him, should even, but she really only wants to stay here like this. Not talking, listening to Lydia’s quiet breathing, watching her chest rise and fall.

At some point she reaches for her hand, and tenderly takes it into hers. Her skin feels warmer, not as clammy as before. Izzy feels relief. But she has to wake up, yet.

She sends Alec home after an hour, promising to let him know if anything happens, or if she needs him. She should be the one to be here with her. She wants to be, needs to be. No matter the outcome.

~~~

She becomes aware of something touching her hair, startling her into an upright position. She didn’t exactly fall asleep, but put her head down next to Lydia’s torso, closing her eyes, her mind drifting here and there.

Newborn daylight floods in through the windows, but Izzy blinks several times, though Lydia’s eyes are open, focused on her, her fingers slightly touching her hand.

“You’re awake!” Her mind is excited, anxious, suddenly on overdrive, trying to tell her what to do, what to think, but all she’s able to do is stare at her.

“I am.” Lydia’s voice is rough, and quiet, but alert, and Izzy knows she knows who she is, and where she is, and probably also what happened.

“Are you hurting?” It’s all Izzy can ask while she’s trying to catch up. Her mind is reeling, and there is so much she wants to know, but she has to reign herself in, one thing at a time.

Lydia thinks for a moment, her body moving lightly in places under the blanket. “A little sore, much better than I should be. Magnus?”

Izzy just nods, unable to take her eyes off of Lydia’s face. She’s not as white as the pillow case, but still paler than she usually is. But she will be alright. She’s really… okay.

Izzy can’t prevent herself from grasping Lydia’s hand, holding it tightly in both of hers, for a moment unable to breathe. She exhales slowly, her chest aching.

“I’m sorry for the trouble, I’ll make sure to apologize to everyone.” Lydia sighs softly as her head slinks deeper into the pillow, her gaze falling away.

“It’s fine, you don’t have to worry about that, just- why?” She didn’t mean to end her sentence here, but she’s overcome with so many thoughts, and emotions, and she wishes she could keep a cool, calm head right now, but all of this has gotten to her a lot more deeply than she realized, and inwardly she’s stiff, and trembling.

Lydia licks her lips, and Izzy thinks she should get her something to drink, but her hands are gripping Lydia’s, and she can’t seem to let go.

“I’m sorry.”

Izzy doesn’t understand, and she hopes Lydia will explain everything, right now, or she might burst. She shakes her head, slow growing desperation winding up her stomach, chest, and throat.

Lydia clears her throat, shifts her head slightly, and glances up into Izzy’s eyes. “It was my last day, I wasn’t going on any more missions, but they came out of nowhere.” She swallows with some effort, and Izzy knows she needs water, that she should get her some, but her words are stuck in her brain, and she’s unmoving.

Her last day? She doesn’t comprehend anything anymore.

“I hoped to see you again, whatever happened.” Her voice sounds hoarse, and she’s coughing lightly, shaking Izzy out of her stupor. She turns quickly, glad the table with the water is within her reach, grabs the jug and fills a glass while keeping hold of Lydia's hand.

Lydia takes the offered glass from her, and, propping herself into a more upright position, slowly swallows half of it. She gasps, sighs, and sinks back down, giving the glass back.

“Thank you.”

Izzy puts it away quickly, and gathers her thoughts. “I still don’t understand, are you saying you-”

“Quit. I quit.” Lydia’s eyes are trained on hers, and Izzy feels a shudder rushing all along her spine. What?!

“I told them that I would come back to New York, and that they had no say in it but to accept my decision.”

Izzy notices the tiny, sad smile in Lydia’s eyes, and somehow, she still doesn’t understand anything. “But you wanted to leave, you are determined to have your own institute.” So, why would she ever want to come back? Why would she get in trouble with The Clave?

“I was- am, but… I found out I’m also a fool. Just like Jace said.” She’s smiling a little more, coughs again, and Izzy is fast to help her up, stroking her back gently until Lydia gives her a nod, and she carefully lets her lie down again.

“Jace?” Izzy’s mind, and heart, are all over the place.

“He said I was a fool to leave, and Clary agreed. Alec didn’t say anything, but he gave me that look of his, you know, the one that makes it very clear he thinks you’re wrong. I understood their view, but I wanted to be right. I needed to be.”

She sighs softly, and reaches out her free hand towards Izzy’s face, her fingertips tracing her chin. “Max once said that he liked having me around because you were always smiling when I was there. I had forgotten about that, but I had many sleepless nights, and I remembered. But I still needed duty, and career, and hard work, to determine my life, and my future. That’s what I thought, despite everything I had witnessed from all of you, I couldn’t let go of that part of me. I was too scared to, I was even ashamed, and I didn’t fully understand why.”

She drops her hand, and closes her eyes for a moment, visibly emotional, and exhausted. Izzy is letting her words process inside her mind. But she’s too scared herself, to come to a conclusion on her own, she needs Lydia to tell her everything.

Lydia opens her eyes, and focuses again. “Sorry, I feel a little dizzy, but I’m alright. All I wanted was to see you again, and talk. I didn’t expect it to be like this, but it’s maybe more than I deserve.”

She shifts a little, seeming in discomfort, but when Izzy makes a move towards her stele, she holds her back, taking both of her hands into hers. “I also realized that I needed to leave. Or I wouldn’t have understood any of this. I thought I had to fight, and defeat my emotions, my heart, but in the end, I fought, and defeated my head, and my fear, and shame, so I could come back, and be sure.”

She moves onto her elbow, upwards to be face to face with Isabelle. “I never promised you anything, because it would have been a lie, and I made sure to keep a part of us separated, because I could only allow for one outcome, for us to be apart. And I had to be away to understand everything you’ve all been showing, and teaching me, all this time. I couldn’t let it in back then. But when I was alone, finally a step further towards my goal, with every day everything felt a little stranger, until it all felt wrong. And I did try to convince myself of the opposite, but even then, somehow I knew I didn’t really mean it.”

She pauses, shifts again, and sits up properly, her long hair falling into her face, but she doesn’t let go of Izzy’s hands, merely shaking her head to make it move.

“Once I understood what was happening with me, or rather, what had happened in me, it was almost easy to let go of the set ideal of myself, and my life. And I had to agree with Jace, I was a fool.” She smiles softly, her eyes glistening.

“And I’m so sorry for making you collateral damage in my journey of finding myself, I guess. I can’t vow that I would have got here if things had been different, but I wish I didn’t have to hurt you in the process.”

She kind of slumps into herself, shutting her eyes, full of regret, and Izzy can’t but keep watching her face, so dear to her, Lydia’s words repeating over and over in her head.

She shuts her eyes, as well, gathers herself, looks at Lydia again, and slowly pulls her hands out of hers, making her startle and look at her in alarm, but Izzy soothes her quietly, and pushes her gently back down into bed, staying seated on the edge of it, her hand caressing a few strands from Lydia’s face.

“You really are a fool, a pretty great one.” Izzy smiles, her eyes burning with hot liquid.

“But I’m going to let you in on a secret.” She leans down a little, Lydia’s expression surprised, curious.

“We’re pretty much all fools here, with very few exceptions.” She smiles softly amidst realising what Lydia has been saying. She came back, she wants to stay here, she doesn’t want to be the head of some institute, she wants…

“But some of us have followed our hearts, and weren’t led astray. So, is that what you’re saying?” She leaves her hand covering Lydia’s jaw and cheek, piercing her gaze, needing certainty, because she knows her own heart, and who she wants the last person to be to give it to, and take care of.

Lydia’s eyes widen slightly, and Izzy can feel both of their hearts beating faster in the space between them, and she’s hoping, trusting it completely, to not make an even greater fool of herself.

Lydia exhales suddenly, her lips curling into a lovely smile, her eyes shining. She nods. “It would be an honor to rank amongst the fools at the New York Institute.” They’re both giggling quietly for a moment, tension falling off of them, tired, surprised joy remaining.

Lydia turns her head, cupping Izzy’s hand on her face with her own, kissing her palm, inhaling her scent, her eyes closed.

Izzy’s fighting with a sob, deep down still a little apprehensive, not yet able to chase every last shadow of doubt from her.

Until she locks eyes with Lydia once more. “I missed you.” And Izzy hears the pain in her voice, sees it in her eyes, and before she can say anything else, she leans down, touching her lips, kissing her sweetly, until Lydia’s arms fold around Izzy’s body, and she’s suddenly moved down and around, almost falling off of the bed, if not for Lydia holding her close, side by side.

“I’m not letting you go again.” Lydia smirks slightly, and Izzy, though concerned for her not fully recovered state, can’t but smile, and give in, wrapping her arms around Lydia in return, their noses brushing together.

“Then you better never scare me like this again.” She gives her a reproachful look, and Lydia’s expression softens. “I’ll do my best.”

Izzy has to be satisfied with that. “I have some news to tell you, as well.” She smiles a little, leading her mind to a safer topic, but for a split second, a crack opens inside her, fear striking her. What if she already knows I’ll be the new head of the institute, and that’s why-

“What is it? I haven’t heard any news in forever, tell me.” Lydia’s words close the crevice immediately, calmness, and happiness settling inside Izzy’s body, warming her from deep within.

“It’s not that important right now. I’ll tell you later.” She smirks, and Lydia seems regretful for barely a moment as their lips slide together, hands stroking over one another’s body, tangling through hair, and caressing the little skin that’s revealed.

Izzy feels Lydia’s lips wandering along her cheek, soft caresses, and touches, to her temple, eyebrow, and forehead, suddenly whispering right above her ear, her breath stuck, her heart stuttering.

“I love you, Isabelle, for certain.”

A tear slips from Izzy’s eye, every part of her brimming with bliss too vast to comprehend, but, finally, she feels that she’s enough, because this feels right, like she’s been found, finally able to let go of everything else.

[roseherondale]

Running out of Time

Summary: Whumptober 2020 Day 4. Kit is trapped under a building and Jace tries to get him out.

Word Count: 1954

Warnings: Collapsed building, death (not major character), violence and fighting, major injuries

Read it on AO3 here

"Be careful!" Jace shouts after him as he ran in the opposite direction, towards the building. A hoard of Dragonidae demons surrounded an apartment building. Jace, Clary and Simon battled together, spinning in a circle and protecting each other, catching blows moments before one of them would be hit. One of them jumped at Clary, it's long claws outstretched and wings wide, but before it could reach her, an arrow hit it in its chest and it veered off course.

"Thanks Alec." Clary called up to where he was perched on a nearby building. He ignored her, concentrating on killing as many demons as he could, but Kit caught the quick upwards hint of a smile on his lips.

Jace had told him to evacuate civilians off the street and underground, away from the demons, under the guise of a gas leak. When Kit had protested, Jace had insisted that it was the safest place for him and the most important job. Kit had agreed, and hurried to the other side of the street.

The tower buildings loomed above him, casting a shadow onto the makeshift battle field in the middle of the street. Kit told people to get into the underground, and dodged in between the crowds, guiding them. He ducked into an apartment building, as the security guard dashed out, to glamour himself, and heard him turn people away from the door because of the 'gas leak.'

As he was about to leave, there was a loud groaning from the building. He looked up, and watched, in shock, as the walls began to crack and crumble. He could still hear the great roars of the demons but they sounded much closer now, as if they were knocking the building down.

Without a thought, Kit rushed towards the door, but his foot caught on a loose bit of carpet and he went sprawling to the ground, just a couple metres from the door. Scrambling to his feet, he looked up through the glass, and saw Jace running forwards, towards him. He burst through the doors, just as the building fell, trapping him underneath.

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The second Kit had disappeared from Jace's sight, he pushed him out of his mind. Kit was a promising Shadowhunter; Jem had trained him well, and then, he had continued to fluorish under Jace's guidance. In a situation like this, he would thrive. If there was one thing Kit respected more than hunting demons, it was protecting innocent lives.

Jace loved the thrill of a fight. Falling into the familiar rhythm, with Clary and Simon on either side of him, and Alec raining arrows down onto the demons surrounding them, he felt in control. The splash of ichor burned and the scratches from the claws felt like fire, but Jace fought through the pain, long since dissensitised to it.

After a short while, more Shadowhunters arrived on the scene, and Jace spotted Isabelle arrive with Magnus, her electrum whip glinting as it cut through the air. With the extra help, they dispatched the remaining demons quickly, with only a few minor injuries amongst them. He turned and saw Clary drawing an iratze on Simon's arm, and watched as a large cut healed, along with the burns and scratches.

"There's more!" Someone shouted, and Jace spun, twisting the sword in his hand to get a better grip, his other hand at his belt, reaching for a seraph blade. The remaining dragonidae demons were on an apartment building, and with a jolt, Jace realised that Kit had ran that way.

He lurched forwards, sprinting as fast as he could, ignoring the shouts behind him, though he did hear Clary following him. Giving her no time to catch up, he kept going, but the dragonidae demons were attacking the tower. With every thud, and scratch, it shook, and seemed to crumble. The building was going to collapse, and Jace could only hope that Kit managed to get free.

The closer he got, the more frantically he scanned the area. The demons were attacking the tower full force, and if Kit was in there, there was no way he could get out in time. With a loud bang, the doors burst open and Jace felt relief stronger that he had ever felt before, as he watched Kit run out. However, it was short-lived. In horror, and helplessness, he watched as the tower fell, breaking into blocks of concrete that landed on Kit.

He might have yelled, or gasped; he wouldn't know. There was a ringing in his ears, everything seemed far away. The only thought in his mind was "Kit" over and over. He knew he had to get there. Stumbling forwards, he staggered towards the rocks. He felt a hand on his arm and he looked to see Clary there, her face pale and eyes wide. Together, they reached the concrete, and began to sift through, moving whatever blocks they could.

Jace didn't know how long had passed. To him, it was hours, thought he supposed it could have only been moments, before the others joined him. Without a word, Izzy, Simon and Alec began to help moving the rubble. Magnus stood back, and after warding the area from Mundanes, used his magic to remove the heavier pieces, one at a time, and carefully piling them elsewhere.

They were talking around him, but he was underwater. He couldn't hear a thing, and the longer he went without knowing whether Kit was okay, felt like he was losing oxygen, and if they didn't find him soon, he would drown. He cursed himself. Kit was his responsibility, and instead of protecting him, Jace had sent him away. Now, he could be dead, or buried alive under rubble with no idea that Jace was trying to save him.

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Kit gasped, inhaling a moutful of dust and choking. There was a stabbing pain in his head, and his chest, and maybe it was everywhere, but he had to be alive. He couldn't move at all; but his brain still worked, and he began to panic. Trapped under a building, with no one to help him, his brain started to play every possible scenario, but none of them ended well. If he stayed there, he would run out of oxygen, but he couldn't move at all to free himself.

His breaths started to get more shallow and he wheezed, pitifully. He allowed himself to to think of one last apology to his family, before he ran out of air, black spots in his vision.

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"Kit? Can you hear us?" Simon called, as he pulled the rocks away, and strained his ears for an answer. Jace didn't know why he bothered; Kit wouldn't have the oxygen to talk.

Izzy bit her lip, worriedly, and her eyes were glistening with unshed tears, as she moved every slab of concrete she could. Clary was a short distance away from him, pulling things out of the way, determinedly.

"Here!" She cried, revealing a hand poking through the debris. Magnus used magic to lift the rocks, and revealed a body. It wasn't Kit. It was a woman, maybe in her thirties, brown hair grey with dust, and she was dead; her neck snapped at an odd angle.

Jace stepped back, images of Kit in that position brought to the forefront of his mind; bony limps snapped, blood trickling down his forehead, his neck hanging to the side. He threw up in the road, away from the destruction, and Alec was there at his side within seconds.

"Jace. Pull it together; we need to find Kit. He needs you, okay?" Alec's hands gripped his shoulders, bringing him back to the situation. He nodded, and they went back to the collapsed building. Mundanes were starting to gather around, but they couldn't see Magnus lifting the rocks with magic. Simon and Clary had removed the woman from the wreckage, and laid her metres away, with a sheet laid delicately over her body.

With the realisation that Jace had to find Kit before he ended up in the same state, he moved forward and removed the rocks with more vigour. The longer they were there, the less hopeful Jace become, but the more energy he put into digging through the rubble.

He moved one from the pile, and gasped. The familiar blonde of Kit's wavy hair was revealed, and he threw the rock to the side.

"He's here!" He shouted, as he pulled the rocks away from his body. Kit didn't stir, but as soon as the rocks were removed from his chest and stomach, he leant down, desperately trying to find a breath, whilst Clary checked for a pulse.

"He's alive." She murmured and he nodded, feeling a slight breath on his cheek.

"He won't be for long; we need to get him to the Infirmary." Jace said. Magnus came forward, placing a hand on his shoulder, and lifted Kit using magic. It enveloped him in a purple mist, preventing him from being jostled or injured further. Together, they stepped through a portal and into the grounds of the New York Institute.

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When Kit next awoke, the first thing he noticed was the lack of rubble on his body. The crushing weight was no longer there, and he blinked open his eyes, to see the arched ceiling of the Infirmary at the Institute. He had been there often enough to recognise it at once, and he sighed with relief that he was alive.

In a painful movement, he looked to the side, to see Jace in the chair beside his bed. His head was in his hands and it looked like he had dozed off. Kit grinned, then winced slightly. The weight may have been gone, but he was still sore and aching. A groan left his lips before he could stop it, and immediately Jace shot up.

"Kit?" He asked, blinking sleep away.

"Hey. You missed me?" Kit joked, laughs turning into coughs. Jace frowned, passing him some water.

"Take it easy. The iratzes couldn't take care of most of the damage, so Magnus helped, but you're still healing." Kit took a sip, through the straw, gratefully.

"What injuries did I have?" He asked, as Jace took the water back and placed it on the bedside table.

"Where to start?" Jace said, though there was the lack of his usual humour in his voice. "A cracked skull, broken ribs, broken arms and legs, you inhaled a lot of dust so that wasn't fun for your lungs, oh and you died. Catarina managed to bring you back with some electric shock thing they do at the hospitals."

"I died?" Kit repeated, eyes wide. Jace placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"The important part is that you're going to be okay now."

"Were you worried?" Kit grinned.

Jace considered it for a moment. "Yes. I was worried that you'd pull through and I'd have to deal with you following me around forever."

"Don't worry, if I die, I'd still do that, just as a ghost." Kit smirked.

"Well, I'm glad I can't see them." He paused. "Seriously, kid, I'm glad you're okay."

"Thanks." Kit blushed, and Jace gently smoothed the hair from his forehead.

"Now it's time for you to entertain your family for a while; they've been waiting for you to wake up."

"You called them." Kit groaned, "I'm fine! They didn't have to know."

"It was touch and go for a while, Kit. I had to tell them." He sighed. "Don't ever do that again."

"What? Doing what you told me to do."

"Yes." Jace said, leaving the room.

"No problem." Kit called, leaning back on his pillow, a soft smile on his face.

Thank you so much for reading; I really hope you enjoyed it! This one is probably my favourite so far (I’m a sucker for Kit and Jace). I’ll see you tomorrow for one that is really interesting but be warned, it’s sad too... <3

[normal-thoughts-official]

The world doesn't end as long as you're there

Inspired by an amazing post by the beautiful @manzini

Read it on Ao3

*

"Asmodeus can't come between us anymore."

There's something beautiful and heartbreaking about the way Alec leans down then, his eyes swimming with uncertain intensity - there's everything inside them, so much so that it's hard to pick the feelings apart. He leans down like he's diving, with his whole body, with his whole soul, dizzyingly fast; yet, when his lips touch Magnus', it's soft, slow, like he's savoring him and they have all the time in the world.

They have no time at all.

Idris is burning and there's demons around them, and they can hear the hissing sounds of Izzy's whip around them, taking down anything that could disrupt their little moment. She's a silent protector of their little haven, a guardian angel dutifully keeping their chin up in doomsday. She doesn't rush them, doesn't say anything, because it's pointless. Every single moment they have is borrowed, the world is ending, and they're looking for some closure before the inevitable emptiness.

It's unbearable, and Magnus, who loves the world more than anything, in all its vastness and limitations, colors and sounds and tastes, for a second more lets it burn as he holds Alec's face in his hands.

There's no world right then, only them, Alec's chapped lips and soft kiss, grounding hands around his waist, breathlessness full of promise and love and hope. He's missed him, even if it's been only a day, and he wonders how he couldn't have realized it before, when Alec drinks him in like there's nothing else, forgets about the world he was meant to protect, and lives in that moment like there's nothing but Magnus.

They pull away from each other, except they don't, holding each other's faces close, foreheads touching and lips inches apart, like they're begging for something in the whispered breathlessness between them. It feels just like it did the previous day, and again, Magnus begs, broken and desperate, in a whisper that has no place during the end of the world, "ask me."

Alec doesn't open his eyes, just frowns slightly and breathes deeply, like even if he doesn't understand his words, they're still his lifeline and he'd follow them until the end. "What?" He asks, confused and tender.

"Ask me to marry you," Magnus replies, and it sounds strong and certain, but inside he's breaking, longing and regret and fear, because this is everything he's ever wanted, and it's so wrong. The only thing holding the pieces of him together are his own hands on Alec's face, pulling him close, asking. Asking for what Magnus never dared to hope for before he knew, before they run out of time completely, before their time is up and he has to say goodbye without getting this, without filling this longing in his heart and soul. "Please."

"Magnus, I-"

"Please," Magnus repeats, the firmness in his voice the only strength that he has to hold on to. Behind him, something explodes. They don't care. "I know you were going to, Maryse-"

"I wanted to do it right," Alec confesses, his eyes open and certain, "I wanted to give you everything. Flowers, dinner, love, the romantic proposal you deserve," he says.

Magnus' eyes water, his vision foggy with longing and smoke. "Take your everything now, then," he says. They have nothing in their hands, no rings and no time and no future, only each other, and he longs, longs for it so much, needs it to breathe.

He doesn't have to say please again. Alec was never good at denying him. "You're my everything," he says softly, as Izzy's whip hisses behind them, "I said it to someone else, before, and I wanted to say it to you: you're my world, Magnus," he breathes, "you're everything I've always wanted and more, and I love you so much I don't know where it ends and I begin, and I-," he breathes again, his eyes running around Magnus' face wildly, as if searching for something, as if finding everything, as if committing it to memory, "will you marry me?"

"Yes," Magnus answers, his eyes full of tears, exultant and desperately sad, and he kisses Alec's lips again, once, quick and tender. "I would, a thousand times, in any world, anywhere," he breathes out, and Alec breathed with him, kissing him again, holding him close, as if shielding them from their destiny. "Thank you, Alexander," he says, pulling away slightly, and Alec tries to follow him, to pull him close, to keep him in their little shield of closure and love, but Magnus is unrelenting in his distance, and he takes Alec's hand to his lips and kisses his knuckles, a brush of lips, barely a touch, and everything they have.

The world around them burns, their time is up, and he knows what he has to do. "You made me the happiest I've ever been," he says, softly, as he looks up at the rift that's still pouring with demons. "Thank you."

Alec looks at him, confused and hurt, and then the rift, and Magnus' eyes are filled with sadness and understanding. "Never thought I'd be a runaway groom," he admits, and Alec cracks a smile that feels like a sob, and Magnus has magic under his feet as he rises to lock the demons, and himself, back in Edom. "I love you, Alexander," is the last thing he says, before the burning smell of sulfur and smoke envelops him, and he locks himself up in his own, personal Hell.

Magnus should have said goodbye to the world, to the music and beauty and art and nature, to the vast unknown and endless possibilities, but he said it to Alexander.

It feels like one and the same.

[bytheangell]

If Yesterday’s Too Heavy, Put It Down (5/5)

(Read Chapter 5 on AO3) (Read from the beginning on AO3)

Andrew knows he can’t keep this secret any longer. Alec warned him that he and Magnus needed to make things public about his own future now that he’s starting to get offers from the Council for positions in Alicante, and there’s no way to talk about how it happened without them finding out Alec isn’t the only one affected. Which is fine - Andrew doesn’t blame him, and honestly, Alec kept this quiet for him much longer than he reasonably could’ve hoped for. It’s just… time.

Andrew hasn’t managed it quite yet, however, and he wonders if he lost his chance when he gets a call from Lorenzo asking him to come by his house because there’s something he wants to discuss with him.

This is it, Andrew thinks. The ‘we need to talk’ talk. His heart sinks as he says he’s free later that night to swing by, trying not to let the surge of panic he feels show in his voice.

“Should I be worried?” Andrew asks, greeting Lorenzo with a quick kiss when he arrives at the warlock’s home after his shift at the Institute.

“No,” Lorenzo says quickly. Too quickly, Andrew thinks. “I just have something I need to tell you, and before I do, I want you to know that I have no expectations for your reaction. However you feel, whatever you want to do, I completely understand.”

“Now I’m definitely worried,” Andrew says, and though he gives a short laugh there’s a nervous edge to the sound.

“These past few months have been… well, they’ve been wonderful. The best I’ve had in decades, if I’m being honest, and that’s in no small part because of you, Andrew.” Lorenzo’s tone is fond, his smile soft.

“Me too,” Andrew agrees, though his own smile is too tense. “Well, not the ‘decades’ part, but… you know what I mean.”

Lorenzo laughs a little at that. “I do,” he says. “Which is why I need to be honest with you. This, us, is new for me. Before now I’ve spent a lot of time leaving when things get too serious and keeping people at arm’s length. It isn’t that I didn’t care, but that I was too afraid of losing them later, and somewhere along the line I decided it was easier to not keep anyone around to lose.”

“Lorenzo…” Andrew starts slowly. “Are you breaking up with me?”

Lorenzo’s eyes widen in a mixture of surprise and horror. “No! Though I can see why you’d think that, I’m making a mess of this, aren’t I?” he shakes his head. “But no. Quite the opposite, actually.”

Andrew waits, not daring to hope that means what Andrew thinks it means until the words leave Lorenzo’s mouth.

“I love you, Andrew,” Lorenzo speaks the words and then smiles - no, he practically beams with the admission. “And I know there are things we haven’t talked about that we probably should - things like my immortality, and what a future for us might look like if you want one - but they’re discussions I want to have because I want to give us a fighting chance. I.. I want to let you in.”

There’s a relief in Lorenzo’s words as he finishes that’s nearly palpable, and Andrew can see the look of vulnerability behind his usually stoic and confident dark brown eyes.

Andrew is also positive that the guilt on his own expression has to be obvious with how strongly he feels it. Here’s Lorenzo, bearing his soul to him about being honest and unguarded and letting him in, and Andrew’s been keeping a life-altering secret from him for months now.

There’s no denying that this is it - this is his moment.

Andrew knows that by keeping this a secret for so long runs the risk of Lorenzo getting angry at him for not telling him sooner. He knows that the secret itself is more than Andrew would ever expect anyone to have to deal with, let alone someone he met less than a year ago. The number of things that can go wrong with this conversation far outweighs the number of things that might go well, and Andrew mentally prepares himself for the worst.

But Lorenzo loves him. Lorenzo loves him, and he wants to be with him, and that’s all Andrew ever wanted to be certain of in all of this. Knowing that Lorenzo wants to choose him, that he loves him, gives him hope that this might be okay.

“I love you too,” Andrew says, because it’s true and because he wants to make sure he gets to say it at least once if this all goes south. “And I want a future with you, too. By the angel, I’m not sure there’s anything I want more,” he says, the words spilling out of him in a breathy laugh. “But there’s something I have to tell you, first.”

At the start of Andrew’s reply, Lorenzo’s face is nothing but joy, but now his smile falters before dropping entirely.

“What is it?” Lorenzo asks, suddenly guarded.

“Do you remember a few months ago, when you needed help banishing the demon those young warlocks summoned?” Andrew starts.

Lorenzo nods, and Andrew continues quickly, knowing that if he stops now he’s never going to follow through with the decision to just say it and get it over with.

“Do you remember at the end, when it said something and knocked Alec and me out of the circle?”

Lorenzo nods again.

“It cursed us. Alec and I. It-” Andrew swallows thickly, the words catching in a lump in his throat. “It made us immortal.”

There’s a long silence then, one where neither of them says a word while Lorenzo searches his expression for any sign that this isn’t exactly what Andrew’s saying it is.

“It made you…” Lorenzo starts, but his words trail off as he shakes his head. “No, that can’t be possible.”

Andrew can’t help the laugh that escapes his lips. “That’s what I said when we first found out,” he admits. “I wouldn’t accept it for a long time. I had them look for cures, a way to counter it, but it’s looking pretty permanent.”

A look of dawning realization crosses Lorenzo’s face as Andrew’s words process.

“Who looked for a counter? Who already knows?” Lorenzo asks. He looks like he doesn’t want to, like he might want to take the question back, except he doesn’t and it hangs heavy between them.

“Isabelle figured it out when she ran some tests. Alec told Magnus right away, and he had Catarina check on us to make sure nothing was, you know, wrong, besides the lack of aging,” Andrew says and bites down on his lip when Lorenzo visibly tenses.

“I see,” Lorenzo says. There’s anger there but Andrew isn’t sure if it’s aimed more at him or at the others. Probably both.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, Ren. Don’t be too upset with the others, they wanted me to tell you from the start, and I made them promise not to.”

Now the anger is absolutely aimed at him.

“Why?” Andrew is surprised at how calm and even Lorenzo’s voice is when he asks.

“Because our relationship was still so new, and I was afraid if you found out that you’d, I dunno, feel obligated to stay with me out of guilt.” It sounds a little silly to admit now, knowing that Lorenzo truly loves him. “I wanted to give it more time… and then I gave it too much time, and it never felt like the right moment to bring it up. Now I’m realizing there’s a bigger problem I didn’t think of before now.” Andrew stills and pales slightly.

“And what might that be?” Lorenzo looks as if he’s fighting the urge to reach out and comfort Andrew in his sudden distress.

“What if part of why we work so well is because it’s temporary? You said it yourself - you like to move away and move on. You wanted to stay thinking it’d be the length of a normal mortal life, a drop in the bucket for you. But if I’m not going to age…”

“You think I won’t want more time with the man I love?” Lorenzo scoffs. “That I wouldn’t be thrilled at the prospect of more years than I dared to hope for?”

Andrew’s breath catches in his chest. “...are you?”

All the tension bleeds out of Lorenzo at once. “I am. Of course I am, Andrew. I can’t say it’s anything I expected to face in our relationship, but I’d much rather face the idea of too much time with you than not nearly enough.”

Andrew winces instinctively at ‘too much time’, which is something he was afraid of but tries to control his reaction before Lorenzo notices. He isn’t fast enough.

“That isn’t- I didn’t mean-” Lorenzo stumbles over his words but this time he does reach out and take Andrew’s hands in his own, giving them a comforting squeeze. “I just mean that as much as I was willing to work through the idea of you growing old and dying, I’m just as willing to work through the idea of you living forever.”

“But what if we… what if you get tired of me? Or I get tired of you, and-” the words come spilling out, as if now that he’s started talking about everything he kept in his head the past few months he can’t stop.

“Andrew,” Lorenzo says softly, cutting off his rambling. “Not all love between immortals lasts forever. I’m not saying it can’t be, but it’s very rare. People drift apart over time, it’s only natural. But just because something might not last forever doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate it while you have it, or that it’s diminished by what might come to pass later.”

Something settles in Andrew at those words. Before now everything felt very all-or-nothing. All of his fears over Lorenzo’s reaction were built around this assumption that if they stayed together after he found out it would be with the very intimidating and looming idea of forever that now makes up Andrew’s life.

Andrew’s immortality changes things, but not in the immediately permanent sense he had built up in his mind before now. It doesn’t have to be forever or nothing, and for Andrew’s fears that makes all the difference.

“I hadn’t thought of it like that,” Andrew admits, his previous panic faded as he considers this new point of view. A point of view he could’ve considered weeks ago had he come to Lorenzo from the start.

“I know this isn’t something you wanted,” Lorenzo continues, all the while his hands never leaving Andrew’s. “Immortality is far more of a burden than a blessing, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s your life now. And as long as we’re together, then we tackle those issues together.”

Lorenzo pauses again. “At least, we should be tackling those issues together. But I can’t do that if I don’t know about them. You shouldn’t have shouldered this alone for so long, Andrew. You should’ve let me help you.”

Andrew looks down at his feet, unable to meet Lorenzo’s gaze. He’s right. How long has Andrew seemed distant or distracted, weighed down and evasive? How can he ask forgiveness for doing the very thing Lorenzo just admitted he wanted to avoid: being afraid, closing himself off, and keeping others at arm’s length?

“But I understand why you did it,” Lorenzo adds, almost reluctantly. “I don’t like it, or agree with it, but I understand it.”

It’s enough to pull Andrew’s attention back up to Lorenzo’s face, to see how hard he’s trying to be the rock he knows Andrew needs in this moment, and Andrew’s never felt more adoration for anyone in his entire life than he does for Lorenzo right now, watching him put away all of his personal reservations to simply be here for Andrew.

“I’m sorry,” Andrew repeats. He doesn’t think he can say it enough times, but he’s going to try.

“You should be,” Lorenzo says, and Andrew tenses before he sees the corners of Lorenzo’s lips twitch. “You could’ve spared me a rather embarrassing conversation with Magnus about my feelings.”

Andrew’s eyes widen in surprise at that, picking up the hint of humor behind the annoyance, and then he laughs. He knows he shouldn’t but he can’t help it. Lorenzo looks caught off guard by the sudden sound for just a moment before he’s laughing, too.

“We’re going to be okay, aren’t we?” Andrew asks when they both settle once more. He wonders if Lorenzo can hear the questions hidden behind that one: I didn’t wait too long, did I? I didn’t lose your trust forever, did I? I haven’t lost the love I only just gained, have I?

“I believe we’re going to be just fine,” Lorenzo reassures him. “We have a lot to discuss, but I think we’ve covered more than enough for one night, don’t you? What do you say to leftovers and turning in early?”

It’s like Lorenzo can read his mind - or perhaps he can simply read the way Andrew’s entire body seems to slump with relief, the tension he held before his admission finally gone. They’re still standing in the foyer and Andrew is suddenly aware of just how weary he feels after everything - he couldn’t eat all day before this, and the admissions themselves were so emotionally taxing that all he wants to do is collapse into bed with Lorenzo curled around him.

Andrew nods in agreement and just like that the topic is put on pause as Lorenzo sets about taking care of what Andrew needs right now.

They stick to their agreement to save any more discussion until tomorrow, and the night passes by so easily that Andrew almost forgets the confessions that brought them here, to a quiet dinner and a warm bath and under silk sheets all before 9:00.

For the first time since it happened, laying with Lorenzo’s arm draped over him and warm, steady breathing against the back of his neck, Andrew finds his mind peaceful enough to fall into the first of many easy sleeps.

The days won’t all end this painlessly, he knows, and there are bound to be fights and disagreements and heated debates. It isn’t going to be easy, but all it takes is the soft press of Lorenzo’s lips against his shoulder for Andrew to remember that he isn’t in this alone, at least not for now.

And for now, that’s all he needs.

[hopesilverheart]

Title: I loved your colours (before I loved you) Artist: @calliartss​ Rating: Explicit (Chapter 10 only) Pairings: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Alec Lightwood & Clary Fray, Clary Fray/Isabelle Lightwood Word Count: ~95k Summary: Magnus Bane is a journalist who's always dreamed of modelling for Lightwood Fashions. When the CEO Alec Lightwood starts looking for new models for their spring collection, he jumps on the occasion.

In the meantime, Alec Lightwood is struggling with the idea of finally announcing his role as co-designer. When Magnus Bane strolls into his life, Alec is torn between keeping his secret or throwing all caution to the wind.

This fic was created for the Malec Discord Mini Bang 2020.

Chapter 1: A change to set you free

Magnus woke up with a start, bleary-eyed and confused.

A cup of coffee lay forgotten in front of him, papers scattered all over his desk, his computer still open and ready to be used. He couldn’t remember what he had been doing earlier, except that it had something to do with the ridiculous article Lorenzo had been pushing him to publish all month.

It took him a second longer to realise he was in his work office and not at home. He groaned tiredly, knowing there was no way he could fall asleep here. He would never hear the end of it if one of his colleagues found out. Nightmares, the lot of them. Not for the first time, Magnus wished he didn’t desperately need this job.

This job he hated with a passion.

He loved being an editor, he really did. He loved writing and going over articles and occasionally working on a piece when his superiors needed his expertise. He loved working alongside bright people who lived to share information with the world. He loved the fast-paced world of media and the friends he had made thanks to it. He didn’t love the company he worked for.

He had loved it, once upon a time, when he had been younger and in love with all the wrong people. He had enjoyed waking up early and walking into the Fade Media building, hand in hand with his then-girlfriend. He had been on his way to getting promoted, and had been the best contender for the Head Editor position. He had the credentials, the experience, the seniority.

Breaking up with Camille had ruined it all for him. His ex-girlfriend had shares in the company and was close friends with the CEO, Malcolm Fade. It was all too easy for her to pressure the man into promoting someone else in Magnus’ place. That had been five years ago.

Five years of working under Lorenzo Rey, an arrogant man who believed he was the best employee the company had ever seen. He wasn’t a terrible editor, loathe as Magnus was to admit it, but he was far from a people-person. Magnus couldn’t count how many times he’d had to interview people himself, trying to salvage the wreck Lorenzo’s bluntness left in its wake.

He loved working, but he hated the people he worked for. He hated crossing paths with Camille and Malcolm, smirks firmly in place every time they saw him. He hated knowing he would never get the job he wanted and hated not having the strength to leave.

Because as much as Magnus hated this place, he also knew it was his best shot. Fade Media was the second largest media company in the city, and Magnus knew there was no way he would ever be hired by the first. He had preferred settling for second-best instead of risking his entire career. He felt pathetic every time he walked into his subpar office, but at least he was getting paid and had some sort of influence on his co-workers.

Still, on days like these, when Magnus was exhausted and working on something for Lorenzo, he wished he were just a bit more brave.

He packed up his belongings as fast as possible, checking his phone and groaning as he caught a glimpse of the time – past ten, already – as well as five missed calls from Catarina. He had promised his friend he would have dinner with her and Madzie, but he had been tired and stressed and it had completely slipped his mind.

Feeling bad for bailing on his best friend yet again – it was the third time in a month, and he knew even Catarina’s patience had its limits – he called her back as he walked out of the building, promising himself he’d clean his office after a good night’s sleep.

“Magnus Bane.” He grimaced at his best friend’s cool tone. Before he could apologise for his absence, Catarina was speaking again. “Don’t even try to apologise or make excuses. Madzie was devastated when she realised you were skipping dinner again. Now I have a seven-year-old girl clinging to me in her sleep because she thinks her godfather has forgotten about her. I expect you to make up for this, Magnus, gifts and dinners and everything included.”

Magnus gulped, feeling even worse now than he had a few minutes earlier. He loved Madzie more than anyone in the world, and he hated knowing he had hurt her, no matter how unintentionally. His goddaughter had been abandoned once in her life, and she didn’t need to go through that a second time.

“I know you don’t want to hear it, but I’m sorry,” he sighed, shivering as the December air wormed its way underneath his clothes. He should have brought a coat, but he hadn’t thought he’d be out so late. “I fell asleep at work again, not that it excuses anything. I’ll make time for Madzie this week-end, I promise. I’m almost done with this piece and Lorenzo should be leaving me alone for a while after it.”

“For your sake, I hope you’re telling the truth,” his best friend said sternly, though Magnus could hear the worry lingering in her throat. “But Magnus…”

“I’m fine,” he muttered before she could get any further than that. “I know you hate hearing about my terrible sleep schedule, but I’m more than okay. This piece is just harder than I anticipated. Lorenzo’s got expectations bigger than his ego, and that’s saying something. “

“I can’t wait for the day when you finally knock that lizard off his pedestal,” Catarina huffed. Even as tired as he was, Magnus took a second to laugh delightedly at his best friend’s nickname for his boss. If anyone hated Lorenzo more than Magnus did, it was Catarina. She had been looking forward to his promotion almost as much as he had and had despised his replacement from the get-go. “You know, you could still leave. You don’t have to work for that horrible man if you don’t want to. I’m sure Fade will be begging you to come back as soon as he realises you’re the only thing keeping his company together.”

Magnus smiled at the compliment even though he knew it was far from true. Did he believe he was a better reporter and editor than Lorenzo? Yes. Did he think Lorenzo couldn’t live without him? No. There were dozens of incredible journalists out there, and he knew all of his colleagues were waiting for him to crack under the pressure and resign. He refused to give them that satisfaction.

“I’ll be fine, Cat,” he answered, turning onto his street and sighing contentedly. A few more minutes and he would be in bed, getting the sleep he deserved and desperately needed. “I’m almost home, so I’ll call you later, alright? Are you guys free on Saturday?”

“You know we are,” Catarina said. Magnus could picture her rolling her eyes as she spoke and an amused smile twitched at his lips. “We’ll figure out the details during our call tomorrow. Don’t you dare forget about me again.”

“I won’t,” Magnus promised. “Good night, Cat. I love you, and please tell Madzie I love her too. I won’t disappoint her again.”

“I know you won’t,” Catarina murmured. “I love you too, Magnus, now go get some sleep.”

With that, she hung up, leaving Magnus alone in front of his apartment. He walked inside, sighing at the ‘out of service’ sign still plastered onto the elevator, and resigned himself to having to walk up eight flights of stairs. He loved his penthouse, but the elevator had stopped working over a week ago and his legs were starting to protest the constant trips up and down the building.

By the time he made it to his loft, his whole body was aching and his mind was begging him to get into bed. He threw his bag somewhere near the door, and kicked his shoes off, hoping he’d be able to find them the next day.

He thought about taking a shower, since they usually made him feel better, but the mere idea of having to move more than strictly necessary had his limbs protesting angrily. Instead, he took a few minutes to remove his make-up and splash some water on his face in the hopes that it would keep him awake long enough to go through his nightly routine.

He looked at himself in the mirror briefly, wincing at how grey his skin appeared. He hadn’t gotten a proper night’s sleep in over a month and it showed. He really needed to get his act together if he didn’t want his clients and colleagues to start noticing how run down he truly was.

Pulling himself away from his horrifying reflection, he walked back into his bedroom, jumped onto his bed and stretched out lazily. He didn’t get enough time surrounded by his silk sheets anymore, but he always relished in the few moments he did get.

He grabbed his phone, determined to scroll through the news and stay on top of things before falling asleep. As an employee of one of the main media companies in the country, he always made sure to be as aware of what was going on in the world as possible. It was extra work he didn’t get paid for, but it was worth it when his exclusive writings turned out better than anyone else’s.

The news was particularly dull this week; nothing exceptional was happening in the country, and the bigger celebrities had been strangely quiet all month. It meant less things for the magazine and website to cover, and more time for Lorenzo to come up with outrageous jobs for his subordinates.

He opened twitter last and immediately noticed the increase in activity. His followers were screaming about something, and Magnus sleepily tried to find the source behind their excitement.

The last thing he saw before he fell asleep was a headline that would undoubtedly make him freak out once he woke up the next morning.

Lightwood Fashions: Open Calls for Spring Collection Models

***

“Raphael Santiago! How dare you forget to mention your bosses were opening auditions for models?”

Magnus only had a few minutes until he had to get to work, but he’d be damned if he didn’t take that time to condemn his friend’s lack of forewarning.

Lightwood Fashions was one of the biggest fashion brands in the world, mostly thanks to the incredible work of Clary Fray and her secret partner. The two designers had single-handedly pushed the Lightwood name back to the top of the industry thanks to their superb designs. Magnus himself owned his fair share of Lightwood pieces, specifically from Fray’s collections.

A few years ago, Robert Lightwood had almost caused the downfall of his half of the family company. His divorce with Maryse Lightwood and the accusations of discrimination against his employees had completely ruined his company’s name. Lightwood Media had stood strong, but Lightwood Fashions had been seconds away from being shut down.

Thankfully, their eldest son had taken control of the company and turned it around. Hiring Fray had been a wonderful business decision, and although Magnus had his doubts about the Lightwood heir and his ability to run a fashion company, he had to admit everything had been going well so far.

So well, in fact, that they were apparently looking to temporarily increase the number of models for their Spring collection photoshoots and shows. Magnus had been dreaming of an opportunity like this one for years, and he had hoped his friend would tell him if one came up.

After all, Raphael was Lightwood Fashions’ best photographer, and Magnus had it on good authority that he was close to a few of the higher-ups. He had probably been aware this was going to happen for months, and yet hadn’t breathed a word of it to Magnus.

“There is such a thing as professional secrecy, Magnus,” Raphael answered dryly. “Alec mentioned the open calls a while back but I wasn’t sure it would actually happen. Even if I had been sure, I wouldn’t have told you. Besides, you’re aware of it now, aren’t you?”

“Yes, but now I only have a week to decide whether or not I want to put myself out there,” Magnus pouted, walking into Fade Media and plastering a fake smile on his face as he spotted Lorenzo Rey in the lobby. “I have to go, but we’ll be talking about this as soon as I have a minute to spare.”

He hung up before Raphael could answer, widening his grin and standing next to Lorenzo in front of the elevator. He could only hope the damned machine wouldn’t take ten minutes to arrive, because he wasn’t sure he could handle that much time alone with his ‘boss’.

“Magnus,” the man grinned, looking as smug as ever. He had never said it out loud, but Magnus knew Lorenzo adored being above him in the chain of command. “How are you doing today? Finally done with that project I assigned you last week?”

“Not quite,” Magnus grit out. Lorenzo knew it would take most people a month to complete what he had asked for, but Magnus was working day and night to make sure he got it done within the week. “It should be on your desk tonight, tomorrow at the latest.”

The Head Editor tried to hide his shock, but Magnus had spent his life learning how to read people, and he noticed the surprised twitch of Lorenzo’s fingers as he reached for the elevator button. He smirked inwardly, though his face remained an impassive mask. Oh, how he loved getting on this man’s nerves.

“That was fast,” Lorenzo finally answered. “I hope the quality of your work won’t be impacted by your insistence on rushing it.”

Magnus bristled internally but refused to say anything or show how much the jibe affected him. Lorenzo wanted him to lose his cool, and Magnus lived to make sure the man never got anything he wanted. He smiled instead, stepping into the elevator and glancing down at his phone in an obviously dismissive move.

Lorenzo twitched again, and this time Magnus let his smirk show on his face. If the man thought he would ever win one of their verbal spars, he was dreaming. Magnus was a master of words and human interactions, and he wasn’t about to let someone like Lorenzo Rey beat him at his own game.

Satisfied he had bested him once again, Magnus focused on his phone, sending a flurry of messages to Catarina about the damned lizard. Once that was done, he sent off two more angry texts to Raphael, asking for more details about the auditions. Finally, he let himself open his web browser and stare at the Lightwood announcement for the hundredth time that morning.

Apparently, their spring collection was shaping up to be the biggest and best one Fray and her partner had ever created, and they wanted to make sure they had the perfect models to get them through the season. Everyone could audition but only ten models would be chosen at the end of the process.

Some of the spots were already pretty much guaranteed, or at least Lightwood Media seemed to imply they were, since Fray had a few models she always worked with. However, there was still a chance Magnus could be chosen for the project, and his heart fluttered at the thought.

Before he had joined Fade Media as an editor, back when he had still been a college student struggling to find his place in the world, he had applied for a job at Lightwood Fashions. Everyone had always told him he would make a fantastic model, and he had wanted to see if there was any truth to their words.

What he hadn’t known at the time was that Robert Lightwood was both homophobic and racist; his application had been doomed from the start. He had taken the blow harder than anticipated and had shoved the idea of ever modelling to the back of his mind. But now… Now he knew the reason he hadn’t been accepted was most likely because of the colour of his skin and the people he was attracted to rather  than his ability to do the job.

Alec Lightwood, on the other hand, was notorious for hiring people no matter their gender, skin colour, sexuality… The only thing that mattered to him was skill, and Magnus appreciated that – if nothing else – about him.

However, knowing he had a shot didn’t mean he would succeed. He knew Raphael would probably put in a good word for him, and knew he wasn’t bad at modelling, but the odds were still so low… He sighed and put his phone away, not wanting to make a decision before he had had the chance to speak to anyone about it.

“Something bothering you, Magnus?” Lorenzo asked. Magnus groaned internally but smiled and shook his head at his boss.

“Nothing at all,” he said. “I was just going over the news and thinking about Lightwood Fashions’ latest stunt. I’m wondering if this’ll mean an increase in their media department’s coverage or if they’ll be contacting fashion-oriented magazines instead. And if they stick to their own company, does this mean we’ll have a better chance at focusing on non-fashion related events?”

He was making most of it up on the spot, but Lorenzo didn’t need to know that. He’d rather have the man believe he was strategizing than realise Magnus was thinking about working for their biggest competitor. Thankfully, his boss bought it, gritting his teeth as though he was mad that he hadn’t thought about the impact the Lightwood collection might have on their media company.

Honestly, Magnus couldn’t care less about any of that, but it made Lorenzo seethe, so he’d count it as a win. The man hated that even after her ex-husband’s scandal, Maryse Lightwood had managed to keep her company at the top of the media game.

“An interesting point,” his boss finally answered, smiling unconvincingly. “Something I’ll have to think about. Anything else you might want to mention before we start the day?”

“Not that I can think of,” Magnus shrugged, walking out of the elevator with one last smirk. “Although if you need help or advice, you know I’m always free for you, Lorenzo.”

He swayed his hips as he walked towards his office. The Fade Media executives may have given Lorenzo the Head Editor position, but everyone knew the best person to go to when they needed help was Magnus. He didn’t know whether it made him feel proud of what he had achieved or annoyed at his co-workers’ refusal to put in a good word for him with the higher-ups.

Either way, it meant a higher workload for him and less time to focus on Lorenzo’s demands, let alone his own personal projects. Usually, his colleagues came to see him in the morning, once they realised the work they had done the day before didn’t meet their boss’ expectations. So when he walked into his office only to find Lily, one of the newer recruits, waiting for him with an apologetic smile, he wasn’t even surprised.

“A problem with your latest interview?” he sighed, thinking back to the projects she had been assigned.

“Yes,” she huffed. “And of course, Mr. Rey doesn’t have the time to hear me out and figure out what’s wrong with it, so…”

“I understand,” Magnus smiled, throwing his work bag on the floor, and taking out his laptop. As soon as he had stepped into his office, he had shoved all thoughts of Lightwood Fashions, modelling and a better job to the back of his mind, switching to his professional persona seamlessly.

Time to remind everyone of just why he was the best goddamn employee in this entire building.

***

It was almost nine at night when he finally found the time to call Catarina back. He cursed his bad luck and the extremely long day he had had, hoping his best friend would understand. She always forgave him but, every time he messed with her already busy schedule, he felt like he was disappointing her.

“I’m sorry,” he said as soon as his friend picked up the phone. He had just entered his apartment building and was wondering if he had the time to cook dinner himself or if he should just give in and order take-out, as always. “I swear I didn’t forget. I just needed to finish this stupid article Lorenzo has been hounding me for, and it took longer than I expected. He’s been harassing Lily again, even though he knows she’s new and still trying to get the hang of things, and I’m honestly two seconds away from murdering him.”

“Someday you’ll no longer have to work for that lizard, and you’ll finally be able to live normally,” Catarina sighed. “And you have nothing to apologise for; we didn’t exactly decide on a time for our call. Just tell me you managed to get this week-end off. Madzie needs to see you again, Magnus.”

“I need to see her too,” Magnus rubbed a hand over his face tiredly. Screw that homemade dinner; he pulled out his laptop and sent out an order to his local pizza place. “And I did get this week-end off. Lorenzo didn’t look happy about it, but I completed this project faster than anyone else could have so it would have been unprofessional of him to deny me such a simple request. Madzie can have me all to herself on Saturday, I promise.”

“Thank god,” his best friend said. Magnus could imagine her smiling on the other side of the phone. He hoped his hard work would make up for their missed dinner dates. “I know I was pissed about you bailing, but I’m proud of you for never giving up on your job, no matter how shitty your boss is.”

This was the perfect opening. All throughout the day, thoughts of Lightwood Fashions had drifted through his mind. If he got a job there as a model, perhaps they would also consider him for their Media department once his contract was over. That would mean no more petty colleagues trying to bring him down, no more Lorenzo to satisfy, and no more Camille controlling his life from afar.

“I was actually thinking about quitting,” he announced.

Utter silence.

“I know it sounds insane,” he added, not wanting Catarina to think he was going crazy. “I’ve been dealing with this for years and there’s no reason for me to break now, but I’m so tired, Cat, and I just want to stop feeling like I’m drowning every time I walk into that building. That place takes a little bit out of me every time I enter it and I don’t know how much more I can take. And there’s… Lightwood Fashions opened model auditions for Fray’s spring collection.”

He didn’t have to mention how much that job would mean to him, or have to tell Catarina how long he had been dreaming of getting an opportunity like the one he was being presented with. She’d heard him rant about Fray’s work ever since the redhead had stepped into the spotlight, and she knew about the heartbreak Robert Lightwood’s rejection had brought upon him all those years ago.

She knew everything about him, and he didn’t think he could go through with this if she thought it was a bad idea. If she told him to stay at his current job and suffer for a while longer, he knew he would do it.

He would do it even if it dragged him down and made his body itch and left him tired and listless and impassive. Catarina was like an older sister to him, and he trusted her implicitly. If she thought modelling for Lightwood Fashions wasn’t worth the possible loss of his job, he would forget all about it and shove his dream to the back of his mind.

“Oh my god, Magnus! That’s amazing!” his best friend exclaimed. “Wait a second, doesn’t Raphael work for Lightwood? Why didn’t he tell us about this? Magnus, this is incredible! With Lightwood Sr. out of the picture, you definitely have a shot! They’re going to love you, and you’re finally going to get out of that crappy company.”

Relief flooded his veins. A part of his mind was still screaming at him, telling him this was a terrible idea, that he was too old for this sort of thing, but he didn’t care. If Catarina thought this was what he should do, then he wouldn’t deny himself the one thing he’d always wanted.

“You don’t think this is a terrible idea?” he asked, just to make sure.

“Magnus, you’ve always loved fashion,” Catarina answered patiently. “And you’ve always wanted to model, no matter how much you tried to convince yourself otherwise. I know you had a bad experience a long time ago, but there’s no reason for you to be rejected this time. You could finally get to leave the company and people you hate. You’ll have the chance to be truly happy again. Whether or not it works out in the end, I think you should take the risk. I know you, Magnus, and you’ll end up regretting it if you don’t even try to get this contract.”

Magnus smiled wryly. There was a reason Catarina was his best friend. She knew exactly how his mind worked, even better than he did. She could read him like an open book and never hesitated to tell him when he was acting stupidly. She was smart and compassionate and empathetic, and Magnus trusted her with his life.

And as always, she was right. If he didn’t audition for this job, he would spend his whole life wondering if he had missed out on something extraordinary. He was almost 30, and for all his creativity and tendency to act on impulse, he had never really taken a professional risk.

Leaving Fade Media and becoming a model for Lightwood Fashions was exactly what he needed to regain the joy and excitement he had lost after Camille. He would rather have a few months there and get fired once his contract was over than another ten years at Fade Media, stuck with a boss he couldn’t stand and a position way below his skill level.

“Thank you,” he told his best friend, already switching to the Lightwood Fashions website on his computer.

The page was bright and welcoming, done in tasteful colours that reflected Fray’s latest works. Rumour had it her secret partner was a colour theory genius, and Magnus had to admit their palettes were always impeccable. He couldn’t help but wonder if they had had a hand in the creation of the website or if Lightwood preferred keeping everything separate.

“Their website is fancy,” Catarina said over the phone, startling Magnus. He should have known his best friend would look up the company and the job offer as soon as he mentioned it.

“The colour scheme matches Fray’s fall collection,” Magnus hummed. The collection had been released a few months ago and Magnus was just as in love with it as he was everything else Fray designed. “Everyone thought they were crazy for choosing purple as the dominant colour, but it worked out wonderfully. The public went absolutely crazy over the line.”

“Don’t they always?” Catarina chuckled. She wasn’t far from the truth. Although Lightwood had started as a luxury brand few could afford, the company had slowly started integrating cheaper – but no less stunning – options on top of their high-couture pieces. It was another reason why Magnus had gone back to supporting them after Lightwood Senior’s resignation. “You do realise this means you’ll be meeting your idols, right? After years of telling Raphael you didn’t care about getting to know Fray, you’re finally going to work with her.”

Magnus’ heart stopped. He hadn’t even considered that; hadn’t even thought about coming face to face with one of his idols, the talented woman who created the clothes he adored. He could have easily met her if he had wanted to, but something had always held him back. This time, there would be no avoiding it.

“Stop freaking out,” Catarina scoffed. Magnus knew she was rolling her eyes at him fondly in the safety of her apartment. “She’s going to love you. She’ll be so thankful to have a model as amazing as you, and then she’ll realise you’re a wonderful human being on top of that. There’s nothing to worry about, Magnus. Besides, you’ll have Raphael with you the whole time. Our dear friend may like to pretend he doesn’t care about us, but you know he’ll protect you against anyone who doesn’t treat you right.”

Magnus exhaled, trying to let his best friend’s words soothe him. He knew he was being ridiculous. He had met countless celebrities, had interviewed them, had worked with them, but Clary Fray had always been the one person he kept at a distance. He didn’t think he could stand it if he found out she wasn’t as kind as everyone made her out to be.

Before he could let himself fall back into his old insecurities again, another thought popped into his mind uninvited. Magnus perked up, a sly smirk appearing on his lips.

“Do you think I’ll finally find out who her secret partner is?” he wondered out loud. “Hell, Raphael might tell me himself once I’m his colleague. Surely, this is common knowledge within the team, right?”

“I don’t know, Magnus,” Catarina hummed thoughtfully. “Whoever this mysterious partner is, they clearly want to keep their identity hidden for the time being. Maybe you’ll find out once you work there, but maybe you won’t. Don’t get your hopes up and please, for the love of god, don’t push anyone into giving you an answer that might get you into trouble.”

Magnus rolled his eyes. His best friend was so dramatic sometimes. He understood why someone might want to keep their involvement hidden in order to avoid the spotlight, but surely Lightwood employees knew about the secret partner.

“Magnus,” Catarina repeated, a hint of warning in her voice. “If they tell you, that’s great. But if they don’t, leave it alone. You want this job more than you want to know this person’ secret. Please don’t ruin this for yourself.”

Immediately, Magnus deflated. His best friend was – once again – right. He couldn’t let his curiosity get in the way of what might be the job of his lifetime. No matter how much he wanted to know about Fray’s partner, no matter how enthralled he was by this person’s ability to choose the perfect colours and tell a story with their palette, it wasn’t why he was thinking of joining Lightwood Fashions.

He had managed to live five years without knowing who Fray worked with. He could live without it for as long as it took this person to step out of the shadows. Sighing heavily, he clicked on the ‘open auditions’ tab and tried to push the mystery to the back of his mind.

“I won’t ruin anything,” he promised Catarina, hoping he would be able to stay true to his word. “Now, want to help me with this application process or should I call our traitor of a friend?”

Catarina’s laughter echoed in his empty loft and Magnus felt a smile tug at his lips. Finally, after years of trudging through a job he hated, he was going to start anew.

A change was long overdue; it was time for him to be free.

[bidnezz]

If I love You Was a Promise

Here on Ao3

Pairing: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood

Rating: M (loosely). Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Romance

Summary:

 Alec watches him, his mind undoubtedly calculating every possible outcome of this scenario, and Magnus has a lifetime to wait for him to find what he’s looking for. He’s content to be studied, to offer whatever Alec needs to quell the confusion and frustration in his soul, but he doesn’t think he will find it. Magnus doesn’t hold any answers for Alec, only opportunities.

One night of promises, and the loss of a friend encompassed in the warm embrace of a love that can't be kept. Takes place after Ragnor’s death, and the night before Alec’s wedding. 

______________________

Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, watching the city lights through his wine glass twinkle like the stars above as the night sky darkens on a dreary night, the loss of a great friend hanging heavy on his shoulders. What a sorry sight you make.

He’s never been one to take losing people easy, especially those he actually carried close, friendships that transcended the flow of time. It would happen eventually, he knew. Whether him, Catarina, Camille, or... Magnus shakes his head, the intention of shaking out what little bit of resolve to keep himself together stopping short with the phantom grip on his arm. Ragnor wouldn’t want this. Ragnor would berate him and make him feel a fool for letting his emotions cloud over him like a dark Seattle rain.

But Ragnor isn’t here to stop him, he reminds himself, taking a deep gulp of the bitter wine in his glass.  

It’s a beautiful city night. He watches the people, small and oblivious to the envious eyes of Magnus high above them, living their lives and never knowing the true gift they’ve been given that they don’t have to live several more decades with the ache of loneliness. Sometimes he wishes he was mortal; wishes that he couldn’t outlive the painful thud in his heart when the universe takes with every life a piece of him.  

Surely after hundreds of years of loss there shouldn’t be anything left of him. But alas, here he stands, jealous of the Mundanes below him and his head fuzzy with too much alcohol.

He’s not too busy to feel the thrum in his wards that lets him know Alec Lightwood is going to knock on his door in a minute, and not even that knowledge fluffs his chest. With a grand sigh to nobody but himself, he flounces to the door and casts it open to reveal the startled nephilim.

“Magnus,” Alec says in surprise, winded and plump lips parted. If he didn’t look so startled Magnus would consider him a work of art from the Angels themselves.  

“If you were not expecting to find me here, perhaps you shouldn’t have come to my apartment.”

He knows his response is icy, but Alec is here looking perfectly alive, while the ache in his chest grows darker with anger because these shadowhunters continue to come in and throw his life around haphazardly, no caution to the consequences that will completely affect Magnus’ existence. Alec doesn’t want him, he’s here to see him for help he’s sure, but he doesn’t want him like Magnus wants him. Magnus has thrown himself and his friends into the line of fire for these shadowhunters, for Alec, only to be the ones that have to pick themselves back up in the end.

Magnus doesn’t want to see Alec’s reaction, as much as he wants to look into those near-constant stormy eyes, he doesn’t think he can bear to look into something that might rival the hurricane he feels in his head. He chooses to make his way back to the balcony, his forearms sore and indented from spending too much time there already, but it’s the only place he feels like being right now. Ragnor would have hated this view.

There’s a shuffle behind him, the sound of shoes scuffing against the carpet and then concrete. Alec is behind him, but he won’t acknowledge the presence, won’t give the shadowhunter the pleasure of getting his attention yet again. He’s already thrown himself out there for Alec like a barren bone to a fed dog. He isn’t wanted.

“I’m sorry,” comes softly from behind him, closer than Magnus expected.

Sorry won’t bring my friend back.

Magnus drains his glass, feels the taste of the wine that tickles at his tastebuds, lets the alcohol sit in the back of his throat for longer than necessary. He hates this wine. He doesn’t care for the bitterness of it that reminds him of too-strong coffee, but it was Ragnor’s favorite, and he savors the last drops on his tongue, the last bit of Ragnor he’ll allow himself to mourn over.  

He’s always promised himself one drink, one glass of their favorite drink before he locks them away in his memories and resumes his life.

There’s a gentle pressure on his shoulder. He doesn’t look because he knows it’s Alec, and he won’t allow himself the distraction while he’s still savoring his last moments of Ragnor. Alec doesn’t seem to mind; he seems to understand that Magnus needs this time. The warmth is comforting, the body heat between them when Alec shuffles a couple inches closer clashes with the blanket of cold that comes with New York nights.  

He’s content to just stay like this. He enjoys the silent company of the nephilim, and if it were anybody else, he might have already tossed them outside and away from the sight of his mourning. But Alec is different, he hates that he is, but he can’t deny it even to himself. If only his misdirected sense of duty and flawed desire to dredge up his family from the disaster of the Lightwood name his parents bestowed upon them, then maybe...

No, Magnus reminds himself.  

The tangy taste of the wine slips from his senses at last, and with it the melancholy reminiscence of a companion years past.  

With a fragile smile that dares not to bear any hint of happiness, he turns to Alec. “To what do I owe the pleasure of you company, Alexander?”

Alec seems conflicted, and Magnus wants to soothe it from his face with his fingers, but he remains where he is, vividly aware of the heat that still seeps through from his shoulder.  

“I wanted to see how you were doing,” he begins slowly, tasting the words in his mouth, unsure. “I heard about Ragnor from Jace. I know he was your friend.”

“He is my friend,” Magnus responds solemnly, and Alec frowns. “I still feel the traces of his magic. He’s gone, but not completely, possibly not ever. Ragnor was very wise and ancient, not just in his looks,” he quips, covering the sadness in his tone with a poor attempt at humor. “Just because he’s no longer here physically doesn’t mean he stops being my friend. I’ll always have my love and memories of him.”

“I - I’m sorry,” Alec stutters, letting his hand fall from Magnus’ shoulder, and Magnus tries not to think about how cold that spot feels now. “I didn’t mean -”

Magnus swiftly turns to face Alec, pressing a finger against the supple lips to silence the rambling. He’s perceptive enough to notice the way those lips pucker towards his digit, so quick and tiny in a whispered kiss. If only Alec meant it as more than a reflex.

“I understand, and I took no offense. I was merely elaborating.”  

They don’t break the gaze they find themselves in for several long seconds, the sounds of the city are bustling and loud beneath them, but they pay it no mind. New York is just an onlooker in a moment of wistful want that Magnus wants to cocoon himself in forever. Or at least a couple hundred years.

He finds himself pulling back first, his finger slipping away from the warm of Alec’s breath. It will do him no good to confuse their situation. Alec made it very clear where Magnus stands in his life, and he will not make the mistake of misreading a moment of sympathy.  

With the twist of his fingers, he summons himself another drink, something stronger and harsher than Ragnor’s wine. Something to dull the senses and leave him blissfully floating in solitude.  

He raises his glass towards Alec, a gesture and an offer for a drink as well, but he shakes his head and turns to lean his forearms on the balcony, an echo of Magnus a few minutes prior. There’s something...off. He’s used to the aloof behavior Alec radiates, the militaristic defense and movement he consistently carries with him. But now, in front of Magnus so heartbreakingly beautiful and pure, he seems sad.

Magnus sees it from the furrow of his brow, the gaze that travels from mundane, to buildings, to the stars that surround them. He sees it in the hunch of his back and slump of his shoulders that are burdened with obligation and responsibility. Responsibility to a family that would hide behind him and push him towards the attack of the Clave against their honor. The set of his jaw, slack with words that are threatening to spill out are all Magnus receives in a warning before Alec speaks, and he’s thankful he sees because the words are soft and carried with the breeze of the night that he wouldn’t have hear it otherwise.

“I’m scared, Magnus.”

It’s a moment of vulnerability he’s being graced with, and Magnus is eternally appreciative, soaking up every shadow that darkens Alec’s features, every subtle shift that almost makes him look as if he’s trembling.  

There are so many things he wants to say, so many words from years of living and experience that are there, somewhere, but they don’t come to mind. Magnus has felt duty, he’s had to live through so many wars, so many drafts that have made his heart sink with sorrow because he knows he’ll have to watch thousands of people die, and he’ll have to kill as many in return. He’s felt the overwhelming anger rise up in him that he had to follow orders, all the years when he was still learning how to hone his magic, forced to live through the will of his father. How many times has responsibility and his askew need to belong to a family caused him so much suffering, inevitable and constant when you’re at the hands of Asmodeus?    

Despite this life he’s lived, despite all of his lamenting his immortality has always made it possible to outlive the consequences of his choices.  

Alec doesn’t share that satisfaction. For him, the choices for his life are final and resolute.  

“Fear is never fleeting, my dear,” the warlock begins, grimly. “It hides, and sometimes it can be overcome, but it will never leave you.”

It’s most likely not what Alec wants to hear, but Magnus isn’t in the spirit to cater to optimism.  

There’s a silence that settles over them, creeps around them in a way that Magnus has to actively focus on anything other than Alec. He tries, his eyes lifting to the moon, dancing across the stars, and falling down to the skyline of the city. Thoughts of other places, other people, other lives fill his imagination. He thinks on nights in France, wine-drunk and happy in Reims, surrounded by friends, by Ragnor. His nose fills with the scents of the markets and his mouth flavors with the taste of spices from a lifetime ago as he walked with Camille down the streets of Delhi.

“I wish I could know if I’m making the right choice.”

Alec’s voice brings him back to the present, reminds him of a troubled nephilim who is doing his best. He feels guilty.

“Alexander, there is no right or wrong. Your life is not a test, there is no codex of answers, nobody behind the curtain to tell you that you picked wrong. Everything is up to you, decided by you, and the only one who is forced to accept those decisions is you. Not Jace, nor Isabelle, not even your parents.”

Magnus doesn’t turn to look at Alec, he keeps his eyes on skyscrapers that glint with the flicker of life inside of them. He doesn’t want to see the bob of his adam’s apple as he swallows the truth of his reality, or the grateful sheen in his eyes for Magnus’ advice. Looking at Alec makes things difficult.  

When he feels the faintest touch of fingers on his cheek, guiding his gaze back to Alec, it hurts a part of Magnus that he doesn’t want to open up again.  

“You make it all sound so easy,” Alec whispers.  

“It can be,” he offers quickly, a promise.  

Their voices have grown so quiet inside of the noise around them that it’s not surprising when Magnus realizes they’re only inches apart.  

Alec watches him, his mind undoubtedly calculating every possible outcome of this scenario, and Magnus has a lifetime to wait for him to find what he’s looking for. He’s content to be studied, to offer whatever Alec needs to quell the confusion and frustration in his soul, but he doesn’t think he will find it. Magnus doesn’t hold any answers for Alec, only opportunities.

The emotions that flare in Alec’s eyes are intense, and had Magnus not had years to attune himself to empathy he might not be able to catch them. But he does, he counts each and every one of them like he’s counting victories, boasts that he can name them all. It doesn’t scare him to be presented so closely with all the turmoil, he’s seen it before. Alec is young, so young, and up until recently had succumbed to living a life of repression.  

Alec’s eyes are everywhere as he regards Magnus, fingertips light against the skin of his face. They flit to his forehead where the tuft of his hair begins, sideways to the cuff on his ear, takes in the dark smudge around his eyes before falling to his lips. The stare doesn’t end, doesn’t change direction, they stay firmly planted on his lips and he wants to wet them from the sudden attention, but he doesn’t want to break this trance.

With the slowest movements, he feels the brush of skin along his chin, feels Alec pulling him forward, and he knows it’s wrong but after preaching about how there is no right or wrong Magnus can’t be bothered to stop him.  

It’s hesitant and soft, much too soft for anything Magnus would have preferred with anyone else, but with Alec it’s fitting. It’s perfect.

Their lips are connected, barely, and Magnus wants to move closer but this isn’t for him.  

The city makes no change below them. It doesn’t care that they’re standing here, not close enough to be indecent, but not far enough away to be anything but intimate. People continue to live their lives, continue to see them end, continue to be unaware of the future.  

Magnus isn’t sure of the future that blossoms from this moment either, he can’t tell fortunes, but he’s sure it ends beautifully. He envisions a life he’s never had, filled with the new love of a shadowhunter, territory he’s never stepped foot into until now. It feels once in a lifetime, something he won’t dare to do again, but risky enough to try just once with the right person. And Alec Lightwood is it.

There’s a grip on his waist that tugs at him, and Magnus lets it. He allows himself to fall into Alec’s arms, warm and innocent, but tentative with inexperience that mirror the lips that brush against his own. Part of him wants to cry with how sweet it all is. Maybe he wants to cry for more than that reason, but he won’t let himself deal with anything outside of this moment.

The kiss ingrained in Magnus’ mind lasts an eternity, but the reality of it is much shorter, and Alec pulls back just enough to lean his forehead to Magnus’. His breath is shuddered when it leaves his mouth, and Magnus takes it in, inhaling all of Alec’s worries and insecurities.

“I want this,” the shadowhunter begins, the tremor in his voice carrying across the space between them, what little of it there is. “I want to be able to do this.”

“Then do it.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

The words come out of them so quickly Magnus feels the slight jolt of anger, an involuntary response to the subject of their inability to be together. He knows his words are instigating. He’s digging up a battle he’s already lost.  

Alec sighs, and Magnus keeps his lips sealed because this isn’t a breath he wants. “You know why. I can’t choose between you and my duty to my family. I can’t have both.”

There’s a gnawing in his chest, old wounds rehashed and Magnus almost pulls away, almost brushes Alec out of his life for good. But Ragnor’s voice in his head stops him. He remembers a night, three hundred years ago, a night of admonishment from a beloved friend that caused Magnus to open his heart up and love again. A doleful lump in his throat forms, and he feels the sting in his eyes that he will never get to experience another moment like that with his friend, but he steadily pushes it back down until he’s ready to deal with it.  

There’s a more pressing matter to attend to.  

In his musings, Alec has distanced himself from Magnus, both of his arms hanging limply at his side, lifeless and uncharacteristic. He sees the anguish, so clear on Alec’s face that Magnus wishes he could be more open with his feelings, but also secretly pleased that he’s one of very few who will get to see anything but the calm exterior he wears so casually like a mask.  

“What if you could have both, Alexander?”

He’s met with silence and a cautious look, as expected. Gingerly, Magnus lifts his hand, only pausing when Alec flinches, and presses his palm against the warmed skin of Alec’s cheek. He holds back a smile at the subconscious tilt of Alec’s head into his touch, and he wants so badly to pluck him out of the Institute and his parent’s clutch for good, to lavish him with the warm loving attention of someone who will put him first, above all others. Magnus wants so much for him, wants to give him everything he desires because he deserves it. But he can’t give what won’t be taken.  

“What - What do you mean?” Alec’s voice is so small and ambivalent.

Magnus leans closer, brushes his nose to Alec’s in a show of affection that precedes the kiss he brings with it. Alec exhales, shaky and timid, and Magnus soaks it up, takes it in as one of his own. Their lips are moving now, no longer just a gentle skim, but something greater and heightened with longing. It feels like the ocean, Magnus thinks to himself. Their bodies are moving in a wave that forms in their hands, drags across their skin and tingles with the crash of their lips after they’ve parted for air.  

“Just for the night,” Magnus murmurs against the darkened lips before him. “Let’s fall in love.”

He feels Alec tense, his body is so tightly enveloped in his arms that he can’t do anything but feel Alec’s every move. But he doesn’t let go of Magnus, doesn’t laugh at his suggestion. Instead, he brings a hand to ghost against Magnus’ face, tenderly, lovingly. It makes his chest tingle with a pain that’s welcome and terrifying all at once.  

“Nephilim love once,” Alec says quietly, pressing a kiss against the corner of Magnus’ mouth. He shudders with the reverence of it, and Alec continues his last word: “fiercely.”

Magnus has no response, but Alec doesn’t seek one out, only searches for something more beneath his lips, searches for the love that Magnus has volunteered willingly.  

His body is hot, and his stomach feels displaced inside of him, as they walk together back into Magnus’ loft, the city beneath his balcony forgotten. Their hands and lips are roaming now as they stumble their way in, and Magnus can’t care about closing the door, can’t even fathom the fact that they’ve knocked over several of very expensive artifacts and ingredients along the way to the bedroom. His apartment is materialistic, but this moment with Alec is transient and euphoric.

Alec touches him, burning desire through every carefully crafted wall he’s built, and Magnus feels himself fall hard and fast, feels himself crumble under the nimble fingers that tease and tug and clutch. He comes undone so easily, so quickly, and when the tables are turned, he prides himself on his ability to do the same. They move as one, finally, and Magnus can’t recall a single memory that surpasses this, knows he won’t ever live to see another.  

He’s offered Alec the night, gives himself over unconditionally to the man in his bed, the man who sees his heart so exposed and open for him, but he knows it comes with an addendum.  

Words covered so sweetly in thick honey are whispered against Magnus’ neck, and he feels smitten with adoration for the elated lazy smile that’s fixed on Alec’s lips. He kisses those lips, because he can, and tries to push down the hope that bubbles in his heart for this to be his reality.

The pad of Alec’s thumb is callous against his overworked skin, but he commits it to the memory of the night. In the morning things will go back to how they were, how they have to be. He’s resigned himself to his fate, but right now he’s going to cherish and worship every sense that tangles around and inside of him.      

Alec reciprocates his desires, surrendering himself over to the feelings of Magnus’ love and care, entrusts Magnus not to break him past the point of no return. Because there is no point for them, they’re kindred and forever, and Magnus knows he’ll never be able to open his heart up to anyone while Alec is still living and breathing on this Earth. He doesn’t love two people at once.

He promised the night, but he knows he’ll love Alec far longer than that.  

In the morning Alec leaves quietly with stolen kisses that he knows are risking more than he can give. He takes Magnus’ heart with him, overused and full from the night before, but he leaves his own until they can trade again, however many years that will take. Magnus has forever to wait.  

He plays the memories over in his mind as he sits above his city, years later, and they’re just as fresh as the night they happened. The wine in his hand is sweet and mellow, so different than the wine he drank that night, the wine he hasn’t tasted since Ragnor left. He has a bottle in his apartment, waiting to be consumed, the bitter taste of Ragnor’s favorite vineyard calling out to him on nights when he feels the hole in his heart for his friend.  

He doesn’t drink it; he knows he won’t because it’s not just Ragnor that comes to mind when he thinks about the taste in his mouth. It’s Alec, saccharine and heavenly and just out of reach.  

The people are loud beneath him, the breath of a new day awakening the crowded streets, a new city, and Magnus remembers how Alec looked in the morning. He remembers the indulgent smile as they kissed, remembers the forlorn look before he turned around and marched on to his new life. He wonders what he’s doing now, back in New York, but it’s a useless thought.  

He takes a swig of his drink and steps away from his balcony, away from thoughts of the man who still holds his heart, and memories of the whispered I love you hot on his skin.

[carmenlire]

I Miss You Only Sometimes

read on ao3

“What are we doing?”

Looking up from where he’d been replying to a work email, he takes in eyeliner that’s just as sharp as when they’d first entered the hotel room and can’t help but lift a brow. “Having fun,” he drawls before redirecting his attention back to answering a question about tomorrow’s board meeting.

“Just a little stress relief between friends?”

Without looking up, Alec huffs out a laughing scoff. “Exactly.”

Magnus turns back to him as he redoes his tie. His gaze is direct and part of Alec wonders if there’s a warning lurking in the brown. “And when one of us is no longer having fun?”

“Then we stop,” Alec replies easily enough as he tosses his phone on the bed and stretches before standing and reaching for his own now wrinkled pants.

“No hard feelings?”

Something crawls through Alec’s gut but he nods once, a little distracted, as he sees the time and realizes that he only has twenty minutes to get back to the office before he’s to meet with his marketing department.

“No hard feelings,” he echoes and sets to work on trying to tame his hand-mussed hair.

--

He’s swimming in this feeling, in the warmth that seems to radiate from the man leaning over him, trailing from manicured hands and whispering along his skin with reverent lips.

Or maybe he’s sinking.

Drowning.

He’s overwhelmed and when he feels those lips curve into a wicked grin before biting down on the juncture between his neck and shoulder, his moan is desperate as he shudders in a hold that’s as ephemeral as it is secure.

“Darling, you have no idea what you do to me.”

The voice is hoarse, almost a plea if he deludes himself enough.

Over the rush of blood in his ears, he hears the low words of praise that follow and distantly, he wonders if maybe he shouldn’t let himself get so lost in another body, in this body, but he’s well aware that rules have no business near Magnus.

Not for the first time, he surrenders to the feelings that light up his bloodstream. All he can think of as Magnus digs fingers into his hips, as nails scrape down his side, is that it’s not enough.

He wants everything Magnus has to give and more.

Words slip and he’s perilously close to begging as he arches against Magnus. “Make it hurt,” he mutters and he’s barely aware of Magnus freezing above him, of the way his breath shudders in his chest as he hears Alec’s words.

“Alexander,” he asks quietly and Alec opens hazy eyes to focus on what he wants most.

“Want to feel you,” he whispers, trying to pull Magnus closer. “Want to remember this.”

Alec’s heart is a riot and he can’t catch his breath as he watches the way his confession washes over Magnus. Magnus blinks, trying to regain some semblance of rationality, before his gaze darkens.

Eyes falling closed as Magnus rests a hand over his heart, Alec’s hyper aware of Magnus’s voice and the way it’s tone is promise laden.

“Are you sure, darling?”

Alec’s nodding before Magnus’s is even finished speaking. Something calms in him as Magnus’s hand drifts to lay at the base of his throat. Anticipation makes him lightheaded. Too strung out for more, all Alec can do is repeat his simple request, making sure that they both know what he wants.

“Make it hurt. I like when it hurts,” Alec says again and his cheeks flush at the admission, at the unmistakable thing he wants.

But he opens his eyes to see Magnus looking down at him with what he’d almost call affection, if it wasn’t for the cruel shadow behind his eye.

Alec swallows hard but the tension bleeds from his spine as Magnus nods once and ducks close to lay an innocent kiss against his ear before he murmurs, “Red if you want me to stop, Alexander. In the meantime, brace yourself. I’ll make it hurt so good.”

His body feels too small for the feelings rising in him and, again, Alec wonders if he’s drowning or soaring.

--

His heart hurts but it’s mostly background noise these days. It’s almost impressive, he thinks, that these feelings don’t swallow him whole.

He wonders how many more times he can do this before his heart just turns to ash and blows away like so much dust. He must’ve given Magnus every piece of his heart by now-- he feels empty enough for that-- but goddamnit if he isn’t the idiot that keeps going back for more.

Waving his key card over the lock, Alec takes a deep breath before pushing the hotel door open. If the choice is between carving his heart from his chest to steal a few hours away with Magnus or giving him up altogether, then it isn’t really a choice at all.

However, when he steps into the room, instead of seeing Magnus already in bed or, as he’s wont to do, working on his laptop until Alec arrives, the man in question is standing in the middle of the room.

He looks a little lost but there’s a resolve in the set of his shoulders that Alec’s only ever seen across from the conference table.

“Magnus?”

Turning around at the sound of his voice, Magnus smiles but it’s nothing more than attempt, falling flat almost as soon as his mouth curves.

“Alexander.” Before Alec can open his mouth, he continues, “We need to talk.”

The room cloaks them in silence that’s a little deafening. Alec prepares himself for a long winded speech but he should have known that Magnus would surprise him.

“I think we should stop this, whatever this is.”

A dozen replies spring to Alec’s tongue but only a single word passes his lips. “Okay.”

Looking a little taken aback, Magnus falters for a split second before he raises a single brow and echoes, “Okay?”

Wracking his brain for what he can say-- and there’s so much that he wants to say, all these pretty words about how he only feels alive when he’s with Magnus, about how Magnus makes him want to try something real, about how he likes Magnus more than he should and how he might even go so far as to say he loves--

Well.

Too late now, Alec thinks and surprises himself with just how useless that realization is now, when Magnus has just called this entire thing of theirs off. Alec’s known as a bit of a coldhearted bastard and wryly he reflects that most would probably be surprised at his baser reaction to what’s become the end of his steadiest relationship.

There’s some pathetic sort of irony there, he’s sure, but fuck if Alec can find it right now.

Shrugging, Alec pulls on well practiced apathy and smiles, just a little. “We agreed from the start that we would end things as soon as one of us wanted to. I’ll always respect your decisions, Magnus.”

Nodding once as he parses over Alec’s words, Magnus returns his smile. It doesn’t reach his eyes. “Well, this was easier than I thought it’d be.”

He takes a step toward Alec, toward the exit, and Alec gives him his space, allowing him to pass. Eyes landing on his back, Alec clears his throat just as Magnus steps into the hall.

“Why,” he asks. “Color me curious,” he tacks on coolly, trying to hide just how desperate he is for an answer, for a reason why a chasm is growing in his chest.

Magnus doesn’t look back and the silence stretches until Alec can hear the echo of it snapping. Finally, so quiet that he barely hears, Magnus replies.

“It’s not fun anymore.”

He walks away and Alec’s left in an empty hotel room wondering why the hell he can’t ever seem to get it right.

--

He might be a little drunk.

It seems like everything’s come crashing down at once. He’d thrown himself into work since that little scene at the hotel last month but he’s caught up on all of his projects and he was starting to piss even himself off with avoidance.

His apartment is empty and he blames the rain for the way he feels both alone and lonely.

Scoffing to himself, he pours another glass and watches lightning crash against the skyline. He supposes that it’s about time that he had a normal reaction to what was, essentially, a break-up, even if they had never been official.

Maybe he could’ve come clean before the end, maybe if he had told Magnus that things had stopped being fun long before that afternoon, that it had stopped being no strings attached almost from the start, then things could have been different.

Or maybe, he thinks, it’s no one’s fault but circumstance. They both lead busy lives and they’d both agreed at the start that feelings could never come into play. It was Alec’s responsibility to keep his heart in check and his failure to do so has nothing to do with their little arrangement growing stale in Magnus’s eyes.

Frowning into his glass, everything’s blurry at the edges, in the way things only get when Alec desperately, hopelessly, wants to escape.

His head’s a fucking minefield.

Laughing to himself, Alec figures he should probably have his shit together more than he does.

It hits him, maybe for the first time or maybe for the hundredth, that he could’ve tried harder. But then, he’d tried more with Magnus than he had with anyone else and look where that had gotten him.

Maybe he’s just not built for relationships, Alec wonders, and knocks back the rest of his whiskey.

His stomach is warm and it burns all the way down.

He’s never been in love before but he thinks Magnus had to be his first. He’d never cared for someone so much, never wanted to put in the effort that he had with Magnus. He’s not good with feelings that can’t be pinned down but if there was a checklist on How to Know If It’s Love, then Alec figures he’d check most of the boxes off.

A lot of good it did him now.

Taking the evening to delve into these messy feelings that he’d really rather continue avoiding, Alec decides that he’ll pack them back up in the morning. He’s always been good at that, at putting his feelings into tidy little packages and making sure that nothing spills over.

Still, that means he has until he gets to the bottom of this goddamn bottle to try and work through his shit so Alec does what else he does best.

He acknowledges his feelings, labels them neatly, and resolves never to let them see the light of day again.

--

He leans against the railing and watches the water. It’s a calm spring day and he’s alone but not lonely. There’s a comfort to his own company that he’s never found with anyone else.

Alec doesn’t think he’ll ever find this quiet contentment with someone. He’s always been his own best company. A spot of stillness in the city, he sinks into himself with an easy sigh.

Business is good. Life is good.

Things are looking up and as always, it’s upwards and onwards. It’s been most of a year since things ended with Magnus and Alec wonders that it’s like nothing ever happened.

Alec’s life is his own, just as he likes it. No one else has caught his eye and he doubts anyone will.

In the quiet moments, though, it’s easy to get lost in his head. It’s only ever during these little moments of solitude that Alec catches himself thinking what if.

His mouth curves into a smile. It’s a little sad but a part of Alec wonders if that’s just adulthood-- stacking up regrets against reality and finding the balance that lets him manage his sanity.

Huffing out a breath, he watches the river below. Lost in his thoughts, he murmurs, “I miss you only sometimes,” and figures that’s better than most.

It’s only these in between moments that graze over Alec’s idle loneliness.

Alec’s a grown man and his life is as fulfilling as the next person’s. He doesn’t need someone else to light a fire under his ass and complete him.

He figures contentment is easily managed with the occasional lingering thought on what Magnus is doing, if he’s happy, if he ever thinks about Alec with the same melancholic whimsy.

Shaking his head to clear the dismal thoughts, Alec turns away from the river and starts to walk back towards home.

Phone on silent, he doesn’t notice the text message that comes through.

It’s a spark easily snuffed. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s the match that burns the whole damn place down.

I miss you.

[aceonice]

Hi, me again. I have another request for the fanfic trope mashup. I would like unexpected virgin and PWP please 😂 (or if you don’t want to write porn: accidental marriage is a fine replacement) I love your writing so much that I want them all 😂💖

Malec: PWP and unexpected virgin (Rated E for obvious reasons)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23870038

Magnus has a serious case of blue balls. It's completely unfair given that he’s in a wonderful relationship with Alexander Lightwood, running back for their university’s football team and gorgeous beyond belief.  

He’d been instantly pulled in by the openly gay jock when they first met and they’d had their first date over a month ago.  

So Magnus doesn’t understand why they haven’t gone further than making out. Every time Magnus tries to take things up a notch Alec makes a lame excuse to duck away for a moment before coming back and acting like they hadn’t done anything at all.

Which is why Magnus is currently cuddled up against Alec’s side, waiting for the right moment to ask about it.  

Alec’s arm tightens around Magnus’ shoulder and he nuzzles his hair against Alec’s neck. They’re spread out on Magnus’ couch, watching re-runs of an old sitcom. In the apartment where Magnus lives by himself. With no roommate to disturb if they get carried away.  

Alec presses a kiss to the top of Magnus’ head. “Are you okay?”

Magnus realizes he’s gone tense in Alec’s hold. He supposes he should take the opportunity to broach the subject.

He sits up straight, moving out of Alec’s hold and turning off the television. He slides to the far end of the couch so he can turn and make eye-contact with a very confused Alec.

“Magnus? What’s wrong?”

“Are you asexual?” Magnus regrets his phrasing the moment the words pass his lips. He didn’t mean to be so abrupt, but he’s on edge from being so close to Alec without being allowed to touch him the way he wants to.

Alec's eyebrows crease. “What?”

Magnus sighs, playing with a ring on his right hand. “I would understand if you are. Sex isn’t crucial for me in a relationship and I really like you. I just want to understand why you pull away whenever we’re about to do more than kiss.”

Magnus is stunned when his boyfriend’s cheeks go pink. Alec sits up straight, his eyes falling to the carpeted floor. “I’m not asexual.”

“Okay.” Magnus bites his lip. If Alec isn’t asexual then... “Do you not want to? Are you not attracted to me?”

Alec’s eyes fly up to Magnus’ face. “Of course I’m attracted to you! And of course I want to, it’s just...” He trails off, gaze falling again, rubbing his hands together nervously.

Magnus, confused and helpless, moves forward just enough to take one of Alec’s hands between his own, massaging his palm. “What is Alexander?”

Alec lets out a loud, quick sigh. His voice is almost a whisper when he responds, “I’ve never done it before.”

That gives Magnus a pause though he steadfastly continues massaging Alec’s hand. He doesn’t want to give him the wrong impression. Alec is clearly nervous and the last thing Magnus wants to do is make him feel hurt or embarrassed.

However, Magnus can’t imagine his openly gay, flirtatious, jock of a boyfriend being inexperienced. “You’ve never been with a man?” Alec doesn’t answer, but the way he tenses and refuses to make eye contact is enough. “Alexander, have you ever been with anyone?”

Alec shakes his head. He tries to pull his hand away, looking like he wants to flee, but Magnus holds tight. Alec sighs, “I wasn’t out until I came here. And then I only went on a few dates before I met you- I just never had the opportunity. I know it’s weird that I’m a virgin and I get that it’s not attractive-”

Magnus presses two fingers to Alec’s lips to quiet him, cherishing the amused smile it brings to Alec’s face. “It’s alright darling. I was just surprised. There’s nothing wrong with it, nothing wrong with you.”

Alec visibly relaxes and Magnus wonders how long he’s been worried about this. He settles his hand on Alec’s shoulder, fingers digging into the muscles, making Alec relax further. “We won’t do anything until you’re ready.”

He punctuates his words with a light kiss. It’s a soft, easy drag of lips until Magnus starts to lean back. He’s prevented from doing so by Alec’s hand cupping the back of his neck, fingers tangling in his hair. He lets Alec hold him in place, lets Alec lick into his mouth with determination.  

Magnus is careful not to move too much, keeping one hand on Alec’s shoulder, the other holding Alec’s hand as his boyfriend dominates the kiss. Alec separates their lips with a pop and presses his forehead to Magnus’. His cheeks are flushed, pupils blown wide. Magnus struggles to keep himself in check.

“I am ready. I just want to be good at this and, I was scared because I don’t have experience, but I want this with you.” Alec presses another kiss to Magnus’ lips and Magnus lifts his hand from Alec’s shoulder to gently hold his face.

When the jock pulls away again, Magnus sits back slightly. “Are you sure? I don’t want to pressure you.”

“I’m sure.” Alec lowers his chin, looking up at Magnus from under his lashes. He’s so pretty that Magnus can’t do more than simply admire him. Until Alec’s hand falls from the back of his neck to tug at the hem of his shirt. “Please Mags?”

Magnus can’t resist the slight whine in Alec’s tone, the barely concealed lust in his expression. He nods, but places his hand to Alec’s chest to stop him from pulling Magnus into another very distracting kiss. “We’re not going all the way. Not tonight.”

Alec’s face falls and when he goes to move back, Magnus curls his fingers into the fabric of Alec’s shirt, keeping him in place. “However. There are other things we can do.”

Alec bites his lip, his hand brushing under Magnus' shirt to lay his palm against Magnus’ hip. Magnus presses Alec back into the couch cushions, stealing a quick wet kiss before slinging one of his legs over Alec’s thighs, settling into Alec’s lap. He keeps a bit of a distance between them. “Is this okay?”

Alec nods eagerly, both hands going to Magnus’ hips. “More?”

“Of course.” Magnus isn’t one to turn down such a polite request from such a beautiful man. Especially not when Alec looks utterly delectable beneath him.

He slides forward until their clothes erections are pressed together and then very deliberately rolls his hips.

The sound that spills from Alec’s lips, half groan, half gasp, eggs him on. He leans down to plant his lips against Alec’s, licking into his mouth as he continues to grind against him. He gasps when Alec thrusts his hips up to meet him.

“I can’t wait to have you in my bed,” Magnus murmurs when their lips separate. He presses kisses along Alec’s jaw, up to his ear, relishing the little sounds Alec makes. “Can’t wait to have you inside me.”

Alec’s breath catches before he moans, moving his hands from Magnus’ skin to tug insistently at his shirt. “Can you take this off?”

Magnus considers leaving it on, letting them rut against each other until they both come, fully dressed. But Alec is looking up at him so hopefully, already half-wrecked. Magnus nods, moving back just long enough to pull the shirt over his head and toss it somewhere behind him, before reconnecting their lips.  

Alec’s fingers trail over his abs, mapping his skin, as Magnus continues the slow roll of his hips, aware of the heat building in his own stomach. He can only imagine how close Alec is.

“Mags,” Alec says, voice breathy.

“What do you want darling?” Magnus brushes a hand through Alec’s hair as he nibbles at his ear before sucking a mark into his neck.  

Alec groans, thrusting his hips in an attempt to find friction. “How- how do I make this good, for you?”

Magnus pauses, stunned by Alec’s question. He presses their lips together, tugging at Alec’s bottom lip with his teeth before he withdraws. He takes in Alec’s flushed cheeks, his wide eyes, his eager expression. “Oh, Alexander. This is wonderful for me. Just enjoy yourself.”

He lowers his hips and grinds against Alec’s erection with more force, drawing gasps from the both of them. Alec leans forward, pressing kisses to Magnus’ throat. He attempts to speak through gasping breaths. “Tell me... what to do? Want this to be good, for, for both of us.” Before Magnus can attempt to convince him that he is very much enjoying this, Alec tacks on a helpless, “please,” and Magnus breaks.  

“Leave marks where you're kissing,” he instructs, tugging ever so slightly at Alec’s hair. “Suck hickies, brush your teeth against my skin, bite gently. I like to be marked up.”

Alec follows the advice like a pro despite being clearly caught up in chasing his own orgasm, attempting to meet Magnus’ rolls more consistently. Magnus groans when Alec finds the sensitive place on his collarbone and lavishes it with kisses, trailing his teeth over it before sucking a mark.  

Magnus rubs their erections together, feeling himself being pulled closer to that beautiful edge. He uses his free hand to catch one of Alec’s where they’ve been resting on his stomach. He brings it up to his nipple, “Tug on it, play with it.”

When Alec follows the instructions, rubbing the nub between two fingers before gently playing with it, Magnus presses closer to him. “Just like that. So good.”

“I’m close,” Alec breathes against Magnus’ shoulder.

“Don’t hold back,” Magnus says, tilting his head so he can kiss Alec again, licking at his lips, but not trying to take it any further, focusing on grinding against Alec. “Let yourself enjoy it.”

Alec groans into Magnus’ mouth, his fingers curling against Magnus’ stomach, nails scraping gently at his abs in a way that makes Magnus whine and press closer.  

Alec gasps and shudders and Magnus pulls back just enough to take in the look of rapture on his boyfriend’s face as his pleasure crests.  

Magnus slows his movements so as to not overwhelm Alec until his eyes flutter open. Alec barely takes a second to enjoy the afterglow before he’s resuming his task of leaving marks across Magnus’ skin. His hands trace over Magnus’ chest with renewed vigor.

“Want you to come too,” Alec says against his neck. “Let me help you?”

“I’m close,” Magnus tells him, reaching down to press his palm to his clothed cock. He lets his hand fall from Alec’s hair to his shoulder for a sturdy handhold as he chases his own pleasure. He’s almost there when Alec’s hand falls over his, cupping him through his jeans. The sudden pressure and warmth of it has Magnus coming with a broken gasp.  

Coming down from the high, Magnus presses a soft, sweet kiss to Alec’s lips. “How was that?”

Alec lets out a breathy laugh. “You have to ask?”

Magnus feels a smile tug at his lips as he presses kisses to Alec’s cheeks, his forehead, the tip of his nose. “It doesn’t hurt to check.”

“It was perfect,” Alec assures him before shifting uncomfortably. “But, uh, I need to change.”

Magnus is having the same problem so he reluctantly removes himself from Alec’s lap, getting to his feet. He holds out a hand and twines his fingers through Alec’s when he takes it. He pulls him to the bedroom to shuffle through his drawer for a change of clothes.

Alec ends up in a borrowed pair of sweats and a soft cotton T-shirt and Magnus insists on curling up together in his bed- not that Alec protests. He runs his fingers through Alec’s damp hair and feels Alec curl in closer to him.

Magnus finally feels sated and, more than that, content as he dozes with Alec in his arms. He can’t wait to introduce Alec to all sorts of activities, but for now, he’s more than happy to cuddle him until they’re both tugged into sleep.  

[malecsecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, @sdewan6!

Written for the lovely @sdewan6 for the Malec Secret Santa 2019 exchange! I hope you enjoy the holidays and your gift!

Read on AO3

*****

Sensing You

SUMMARY: It starts from there. From the memories he tries not to think of. It grows slowly, creeping up on him until he comes to realise that he can’t trust his own senses. Is it his own mind playing tricks on him? Or is it Lilith?

The five times Magnus allows himself to hope Alexander is there in Edom with him, and the one time Alec actually is.

Read on AO3

Magnus counts the first few days, works them back to the time on earth, and allows himself to mentally follow the routines of those he loves. Alec. Catarina. Madzie. Raphael. Clary. Isabelle. It’s torture. Self-inflicted. And though it hurts to not think of them almost as much as it does to think of them, he pushes everything from his mind but Edom.

Time is endless in a place like Edom, and Magnus, having lived centuries already, has more of an understanding of how long eternity will be. It stretches infinitely in front of him, with the despair of a loneliness he hasn’t felt in years. Not that Magnus plans to spend eternity here. With time (something he’s not short on), there’s no doubt in his mind that he’ll find a way to repair the rift. But he’s unsure it will be soon enough to see half of his family and friend’s faces again.

Alexander’s face.

The sharp angles of it. The quirk of an eyebrow. The crooked smile and loving gaze.

It starts from there. From the memories he tries not to think of. It grows slowly, creeping up on him until he comes to realise that he can’t trust his own senses. Is it his own mind playing tricks on him? Or is it Lilith?

Even in Lilith’s weakened state, Magnus wouldn’t put it past her to play this kind of cruel trick on him.

1.

“Magnus.”

The word echoes around the chamber. Softly spoken. Barely a whisper. Adoration in each syllable. And the cadence of it belongs to Alexander.

Alexander.

Magnus’ eyes hastily scour the room, but the sound dies out, silence falling. And the man the voice belongs to isn’t here. The hope that has sprung to life in Magnus’ chest crumbles. He made the choice - though for Magnus there was no other choice - knowing it would be difficult, but the reality of the situation is far worse.

Desolately, Magnus sinks to his chair. Alone.

2.

Magnus spends hours looking through the small squares of the windows, out at the wilds of Edom. His eyes linger on the horizon, learning the intricate ways the air stirs the earth until the ground and sky are one, horizon blurred.

He rubs at an eye, weary in a way that has nothing to do with sleep. And he sees it… a figure.

Tall. Rangey. Dark hair. Pale skin. Clad in black.

Magnus’ heart leaps in his chest. He watches a moment longer and a swirl of wind blurs the edges of the figure, morphing it, before revealing its true form: an outbreak of rock. It’s just his eyes playing tricks on him and, while Magnus’ heart aches, it strengthens his resolve. He’ll keep Alexander and their friends and family safe for as long as he has to.

3.

Magnus works his mind to exhaustion in the hope that he won’t dream. But he sleeps fitfully; the dreams he doesn’t allow himself to consider in consciousness finally able to plague him.

He wakes slowly to the feel of gentle fingers against his cheek. There’s a roughness to the pads as they learn his skin, and Magnus keeps his eyes closed, savouring the touch. It’s a caress he knows: Alexander’s.

With a hope he hasn’t felt in a while, Magnus’ eyes slide open, and as they do the touch softens, is barely there, before fading completely.

There’s only Magnus here, no matter how real it felt. And though Magnus would give almost anything to have another moment with Alec, the price could never be worth it.

4.

Frustrated when his latest idea for repairing the rift hits a dead end, Magnus decides to take a stroll. Better to walk it off than stew, which is something he excels at. It doesn’t work. With every step, his annoyance with himself grows. He knows there’s a way to fix this. There must be. There has to be.

Petulantly, he lashes out with his magic, dust swirling around him. It’s not the expected stench of sulphur that assaults him. There’s the sweetness of the beeswax used on the string of a bow. It almost chokes him as he uses his magic to still the air, the dust falling back to the ground.

He tries to hold on to the scent, but as the last speck settles, the sulphur returns.

Though his mind tells him Alec isn’t here, Magnus can’t stop the yearning of his heart. Even so, he turns, eyes checking all around him, but there’s only the open expanse and not another person in sight.

His frustration is gone, and in its place is a longing that Magnus knows will never be satisfied.

5.

There’s cruelty to his self-imposed exile. A cruelty that Magnus has become familiar within his lifetime. The joyous moment of realising he hadn’t lost Alec, of overcoming his father, was twinned with the reality of walking away from his life in order to save the rest of the people in it.

Would it be easier, Magnus wonders, to be faced with spending eternity here without learning that truth? To be unaware of what he could have had?

His moods are tempestuous and, feeling self-indulgent and particularly downtrodden, Magnus conjures himself a drink with little thought. He takes the first sip, eyes sliding closed, and he’s instantly somewhere else.

Sunlight pours through the wide, open windows, warming his skin. As does the phantom press of lips against his. There’s the taste of coffee on his tongue, mixed with the mint of Alec’s toothpaste.

It’s a strange taste to crave and the hit of it has him almost certain the taste is from Alexander himself. He envisions reaching out a hand to pull Alec back for another kiss. But when his eyes open, the light is dulled by the reddish glow of a burning sky, and there’s only Magnus, mug in hand. Magnus throws it to the floor in disgust and tries to extinguish the newest flame of hope.

Not too long ago, he stood on a rooftop ready to destroy the memories of the man he loves, and in these darkest moments of despair, a part of him wishes he had.

+1

Magnus gazes out of the window. There’s a beauty to this place, even with the malevolent forces it houses. There’s something about the barren landscape. The emptiness. It’s not unlike his recent self.

With every moment that passes, Lilith grows stronger, and Magnus wonders if he has the strength to hold the rift together and fight her off. His magic is strong. He’s strong. He’s fighting for his family, for his world. But he worries about the risk if he falls.

“Magnus! Magnus!”

The rough timbre of a familiar voice interrupts his thoughts and Magnus turns before he can stop himself. Unlike every other time he’s heard that voice, the owner of it stands in front of him.

“Alexander,” Magnus utters in disbelief, not even aware he speaks the word aloud.

There’s too much space, too much ground to cover, and he needs to touch, needs to hold on for as long as this illusion lasts.

Wrapping his arms around Alec, Magnus half expects his fingers to slide through Alec, but his body moulds itself to Alec’s. Warm. Here. His. He pulls Alec close, feels strong arms grip him tight, and he breathes Alec in. The mix of his own sandalwood shampoo and beeswax assault him. It’s so vivid.

Can this be real?

“I thought I’d never see you again,” Magnus admits.

Pulling back, his eyes search Alec’s, still expecting the man in front of him to fade into nothing.

Their faces are close, Magnus’ fingers caressing the hair at the nape of Alec’s neck and he leans in, lips pressing against Alec’s. The taste is like coming home, and even as it soothes the places that have ached since he made his choice to come here, there’s a niggle of doubt that he can’t yet let go of.

“I told you… it’s only Edom,” Alec says when they break apart. “And we weren’t gonna let you fight Lilith alone.”

“We?”

It’s only then that Magnus notices Lorenzo, and with his senses still coming to terms with the reality of Alexander, the last bit of doubt is gone. He could never dream up that Lorenzo would come to his aid. Especially in Edom of all places.

“I’m simply doing what any high warlock would do,” Lorenzo says, but Magnus only half hears the words.

His attention falls back on Alec, and he almost daren’t ask the question, but he knows he has to.

“If we succeed, then what?”

Magnus doesn’t think he can take losing Alec all over again.

“Then I stay here,” Alec says. “With you… I’m never leaving you again.”

Magnus takes a steady breath, almost overcome. It doesn’t matter what Lilith’s plans are. Doesn’t matter what they’re up against. With a joy that burns so brightly inside of him, Magnus knows they can take on anything.

It’s only Edom.

Yes. And it’s only Lilith.

[bookfast-at-tiffanys]

‘Ice, ice baby’

Hey guys so this is my Malec New Year’s Eve onshot!! I know I’m late and I’m sorry about that but your girl was dragged to a horrible family gathering where we played charades and did other dumb things like that so I couldn’t finish it quick enough. But here we are now all finished so I hope you enjoy it! But word of caution, get ready to take a trip to the feels because this oneshot is full of emotions and I’m sorry, it’s kinda long, I get carried away :)))) Btw thanks to @just-another-lightwood-bane , @kitherondaleandminacarstairs , @igonecrazy , @tmi-tid-tda-tlh-twp , @lavanyalol , and @becca66667 for the support and kind words!

A oneshot in which Malec goes to an ice rink to celebrate New Year’s Eve.

‘Bang! Pop! Crack!’

Sparks of gold, ruby, and emerald exploded around Magnus and Alec. They were enveloped in illuminescent colours that crackled all around them, almost as if they were wrapped in what looked like a plan of the galaxy, stars shining over there, small rocks bursting over here. It was just the two of them, together in this moment, a moment neither of them could ever forget. They spun on the ice in a small, but unbreakable circle, folded into one another, the sound of their ice skates on the ground falling away, blanketed under the whistle and bang of the fireworks, and the warmth and tenderness of the joint gaze of both men.

New Year’s Eve was a special time for both Magnus and Alec, and they made sure to spend every moment of the day together. It was a day for the paid to go back over the years memories and then begin the new year together, wishing that they would stay together for many more years to come. Magnus now thoroughly enjoyed New Year’s Eve, leaving the old time tradition of throwing a fantastical extravaganza, and replacing it with Alec. Just Alec. All he had ever needed in his life was his blue-eyed archer boy, and now that he had him, Magnus would be a fool to ignore him for a few shots of tequila. But Magnus Bane, no matter what Ragnor Fell or Raphael Santiago said, was no fool. He made it his task to find something for himself and Alec to do on New Year’s Eve so that he could spend every waking moment of it with him.

Magnus, however, was not the only one with a new found appreciation for New Year’s Eve. For years he had spent it with his family and he had enjoyed it, however there was always an empty space in his heart, a place he usually kept highly guarded. That had all changed on one beautiful evening when Alec had met the stunning Magnus Bane and had immediately, but subconsciously, decided that Magnus was his soulmate. Fortunately, it seemed that Magnus agreed and so the two men had begun a glorious relationship (Isabelle always refererred to it as ‘Endgame’ although Alec was completely puzzled as to what that meant). A relationship full of love and passion and an immense need of each other. Alec began to spend New Year’s Eve with Magnus and he soon realised that the empty space in his heart that he was so conscious of, had been filled, now a solid temple devoted to Magnus Bane, and Magnus Bane only.

This year, Magnus was lost for ideas on what to do for New Year’s Eve. He was beginning to get slightly frustrated because he was the HIGH WARLOCK OF BROOKLYN! HOW COULD HE NOT DECIDED WHAT TO DO ON NEW YEAR’S EVE?! This situation was extremely flummaxing and it was very much unlike Magnus to be so undecisive, however he chose to stay calm and hope that he could finally find something for himself and his love to do together. Magnus prided himself on planning for occasions at least two weeks in advance and so instead of moping around in defeat, Magnus went shopping to lift his spirits. He did need a new white Teddy Bear coat, he supposed.

On a bright, sun-filled morning, Magnus took Alec shopping with him, for no other reason than the fact that he simply wanted Alec around him. Alec begrudgingly agreed to go with Magnus but was quite irritable since it was early, and Magnus had denied him of morning hugs since ‘there wasn’t enough time’. Magnus and Alec walked, hand in hand around the shopping centre, looking in any shop Magnus liked. At one point in their trip, Alec had to drag Magnus out of Clare’s whilst Magnus shouted, ‘But Alexander! The glitter!’. The pair finally found themselves in Urban Outfitters and Alec watched with a completely smitten look as his husband sorted through racks of coats, occasionally muttering about how something wasn’t his style. Alec personally thought that everything looked fantastic on Magnus what with his tanned skin, toned muscles, and just Magnus’ natural beauty.

Alec was broken out of his love-filled daydream when he noticed Magnus staring at him with wide eyes. Alec came back to reality and heard the faint background music playing.

‘Ice, ice baby’ played, a soft hum around them. Alec frowned and was about to ask what was wrong when Magnus began to jump up and down and clap his hands. Alec would think that Magnus had lost his mind but Magnus’ antics were a usual occurancr in Alec’s life now, so he wasn’t too worried. He waited until his husband’s frantic flapping came to a standstill and then asked what happened. Magnus shrieked, ‘I HAVE THE PERFECT IDEA FOR NEW YEAR’S EVE! WE CAN GO ICE-SKATING!’

As Alec tried to calm Magnus down, he couldn’t help but agree that ice-skating sounded like a good idea. They could have some fun together and if he fell flat on his face in the process, only Magnus would see, so some of his dignity would remain intact. Alec told Magnus that he would love to go ice-skating with him so they both made plans to go ice-skating on New Year’s Eve, the Teddy Bear coat forgotten.

At 3pm on New Year’s Eve, Magnus coaxed Alec swag from the warmth of their bed and arm in arm, they walked to the ice-skating rink close to their apartment. When they got there, Alec noticed that the ice rink was closed, and he was about to voice his confusion to Magnus, who put his hand on the door and waited for it to swing open. Magnus was well aware that the ice rink didn’t open for another hour, however going early meant that nobody else would be there and they wouldn’t be disturbed. Magnus and Alec walked in and got the correct sized ice skates but Alec had a small sense of lingering guilt. ‘This is illegal though Magnus, it’s breaking and entering,’ Alex whispered, because even though he knew nobody else was there, he was still slightly afraid that they would be caught.

‘Nobody will know darling and technically we haven’t broken anything,’ Magnus said with a grin on his face. Alec couldn’t argue with that and so forgot about the law and began to put on his ice skates, all the while letting his thoughts stray to the familiar figure in front of him as they do often did. Magnus looked gorgeous, just as he usually did, and his makeup was perfectly done, accentuating his full lips and the green colour of his almond-shaped cats eyes. Magnus turned to look at Alec and noticed his adorable husband staring.....again. Magnus held Alec’s hand, which broke him out of his reverie, and gently lead him to the ice rink. As nervous as Alec was, he knew that he had Magnus and Magnus would never let him get hurt, so his nerves calmed.

As the two men got on the ice, Magnus pulled Alec close and told him that the first thing that needed mastering was gliding. He left Alec on the side of the rink, hands clenched on the support bar in a death grip, and drifted further out, showing Alec what to do. Magnus then beckoned first Alec to try, expecting extremely negative results, considering how terribly Alec had done during roller-skating. Boy, was this going to take some time. Magnus’ eyes widened in shock as he was proven wrong. Alec hesititantly, but skilfully, glided towards Magnus with the grace of a ballerina performing Swan Lake, Alec’s face first stricken but then relaxing into an easy smile of child-like excitement. ‘I did it Magnus!’ he said, his eyes lighting up.

‘Yes.....you did,’ Magnus returned dryly. A sense of panic rose up in him. His plan was ruined! Alec was a naturally great ice-skater and so Magnus could not teach him how to do it, an experience Magnus hoped Alec would treasure. If he was going to impress his Alexander he was going to have to do something truly fantastic, something marvellous. Alec was looking up at Magnus like a puppy that had just fetched a tennis ball so his owner could throw it again and Magnus knew he had to make this special for Alec.

In between one blink and another, Alec saw sparks forming, flying high into the air, gaining speed, and erupting in shades of scarlett, luxurious gold, emerald green, and violet. It was as if a crown full of jewels had exploded, shards of the jewels flying this way and that. Alec watched in awe as the quiet, calm ice rink was filled with booming noises and illuminescent colours. Magnus beamed with pride as Alec’s lips formed an ‘o’, a gasp escaping from his mouth. Now this was impressive. Magnus began to glide along the ice, his movements inaudible and Alec began to follow him. The two men quickened in speed, their movements now rapid but still delicate, and with them the fireworks being sent from Magnus’ hands increased in size and magnificence.

Almost as if it was a crescendo, the fireworks banged the loudest and burned the brightest as Magnus and Alec returned to the middle of the ice rink. The affection and passion was thick in the air as the two men came to face each other. Their gaze caught and they were cocooned in fluorescent lights which popped and crackled all around them, closer now, so close that the gold of the fireworks spun a web of reflection in Alec’s eyes and then were swallowed by the golden flecks of Magnus’ own eyes. Magnus and Alec spun on the ice in their cocoon, not speaking but communicating with their eyes. The raw yearning and desire for each other, the love and adoration, an unrestrained passion for one another. Magnus was hardly touching Alec and Alec was hardly touching Magnus but the small bit of contact was enough to light a village on fire. The touch burnt the two men but it seemed that neither of them minded, in fact they enjoyed it, never once letting go.

The fireworks, which were a kaleidoscope of colours not long before, had now transformed into an electric blue colour booming and crackling around Magnus and Alec and then fading into the blue colour of both Alec’s eyes and Magnus’ magic. Alec smiles, a wide smile which ripples throughout his entire face, and his heart burst with his love for Magnus. He will love Magnus until the day he breathes his last. Magnus’ face also formed a wide smile, reciprocating Alec’s, and a warmth ran through his body and he looked at his Alexander with all the love and doting he felt, displayed on his face. He loved his blue-eyed archer boy and he would love him until the end of time. The men continued to spin in a web of colours, knowing that this New Year’s Eve was perfect.

[symphonic--chaos]

Someday Stars

Chapter 1/? Malec (Shadowhunters AU) Summary: Alec Lightwood and Magnus Bane are both YouTube musicians who dream of making it big some day. When Simon Lewis and his band, Rock Solid Panda, go on tour and ask them to open for him, they both realize this could be their window to something greater.

Also here on AO3

Alec rushed around his apartment, creating a tornado's path with every step as his hands grabbed clothes as fast as they could. He knew he should have folded them after getting home from the laundromat last night. The email from Simon Lewis's management team still sat open on his laptop, which had been thrown unceremoniously to the end of his bed, the words still sitting on the screen: We will be back in New York City tonight and we would love to invite you to join our tour.If you will join us, you will be opening after Magnus Bane, and followed by Simon and the band. We will provide the bus, Simon does have room on his own. Please bring any merchandise you would like to sell. [Text from Izzy] OMG OMG OMG ARE YOU SERIOUS??????? YES, DO IT DO IT DO IT [Text from Izzy] while you're at it, get me some free tickets [Text from Mom] Oh, I'm so proud of you Alec! The book store and myself will be fine. Isabelle can help me. Go! I'm sure you'll make more money on the tour than here, anyway. We need to empty out your web store and send you with merch! [Text from Izzy] waIT I JUST SAW MAGNUS BANE IS THERE???!!!! TICKETS, BROTHER, YOU THREE ARE MY DREAM TOUR. [Text from Mom] Isabelle is screaming, I can hear her from downstairs. With each vibration Alec felt his anxiety grow, his hands shaking as he shoved the last thing he needed into the second suitcase. His eyes scanned over each text as he struggled to hold his phone, the smile growing on his face with each text they read. They lingered on the name Magnus Bane as he read Izzy's texts, he knew the name but he wasn't sure if he'd actually sat and listened to him. Both of them were musicians on YouTube aspiring to be as big as Simon had gotten, though according to Izzy, Magnus had just a slightly bigger following than Alec now because of the tour. Taking in a deep breath, Alec tilted his head back and closed his eyes, trying to focus himself on relaxing- he still had six hours until the tour reached New York City from their first shows in Boston and Hartford the previous nights.

"Alexa, start YouTube."

Alec said to the TV, releasing the button on the firestick as he moved into the kitchen. The cardboard of the pizza box he'd retrieved from within the fridge gave a dull thud as it was tossed onto the counter and a slice of cheese was taken out. "Magnus Bane," he said around a full mouth once he'd selected the search option, leaning against the counter as he watched the TV begin pulling up the search results. A few clicks had him on the fellow singers profile, his eyes scanning over the short bio on the About page. **NOW TOURING WITH ROCK SOLID PANDA** Singer/Pianist/Loverboy Web Shop Insta Twitter

Moving onto the main tab, Alec scrolled through, some of the highlighted ones being of Magnus sitting in a room decked out like a studio, or being in an actual studio. One or two was of him and a girl with a bright smile and dark eyes, her lips painted deep red and eyes with as much eyeliner as Magnus had. Alec noticed there was a trend of hearts on each video title with her in it, no doubt this was someone he liked or was dating and it came as no surprise, Alec thought as he took another bite of the pizza, Magnus was pretty attractive.

Scrolling to the top once more and finally selecting videos, he was surprised to see a video had been uploaded the day before, the preview screenshot much different than the bright, usually gold and purple themed photoshopped pictures he did in most of the videos Alec had scrolled past. This time is was Magnus illuminated on a stage by a single light from above, his head bowed as a grand piano sat at the mercy of his fingers. The picture was only titled HALLELUJAH, rather than the more descriptive titles on other videos.

Alec selected the video and moved to the couch to flop down with the pizza box. The camera shook a little, it was clear someone was holding it rather than it being on a tripod and self-shot. Alec wondered if it was someone from Simon's team or if Magnus had crew of his own- something Alec realized he didn't have any of which might create problems down the line. One of his dogs came over to the couch, a whine in her throat and vibrating against his knee as she rested her chin on him, looking longingly at the pizza in his hand as the piano started, soft and slow. Alec took a final bite before offering half of the crust to the dog, saving the other half for her brother.

Alec choked as he heard the voice come from his TV.

His whipped back to the screen as Magnus sang the first verse, his voice soft but firm like the notes being played on the piano. Despite the camera staying focused on Magnus and the piano as a whole, only moving as the person slowly circled the two, Alec couldn't stop staring at the look on Magnus's face. It didn't take a genius to know something was bothering him, that bright smile and lit up eyes from the video previews replaced by something dark, sad. His voice wasn't forced, but there was something in it that Alec knew all too well, he was singing this to someone- this upload was deliberate, a public liberation.

The camera came around to Magnus's side as he reached the second verse and once again his face was changing, sadness turning to anger and Alec could see the tears in Magnus's eyes. Alec's hand shifted on the remote, the volume on the screen going up as he leaned forward, not even noticing the other dog coming and slowly stealing the other crust half from his hand. “She tied you to her kitchen chair,” Alec could hear Magnus's voice getting louder, angrier, hearing the echo of both his singing and the piano echoing through the empty hall unveiled behind him as the person filming moved.

"And she broke your throne and she cut your hair," Magnus was hitting the keys harder. "And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah." Magnus's voice finally wavered, cracking as the pain seeped out in a moment of weakness, his fingers slammed down the final notes of the second verse before stilling. Alec's breath caught in his throat as he watched the singer take in a deep breath, the sound in the echoing silence monumental as the person filming paused, whether on purpose or a sudden feeling of remorse. "Hallelujah, hallelujah," It took a little under thirty seconds, but Magnus was playing again and this time, he was a broken man nearly whispering his lament. This was for the girl with the heart in her title. Alec finally found his breath as his lungs screamed for air, his heart pounding in his chest and, much to his surprise, his eyes stung with tears for the man on the screen. He didn't even know Magnus yet and already his heart was breaking with him as if he'd been through whatever relationship issues Magnus was having as well. Alec knew he put a lot of emotion in his music, thoughts and dreams into his lyrics, but here was someone who managed to bring him to a level he'd never reached before when listening to a performance. Whether it was the anger resurfacing or a sudden strength that Magnus had forgotten was in him, Alec came back to the moment when he heard Magnus singing the final verse of the song, his voice rising strong, normally low notes changed to high in such a beautiful time and contrast with the notes played on the piano, made his own and suddenly Alec could tell why Izzy was such a fan of the man on the screen. The final 'Hallelujah's' resonated through the hall, the camera recording him picking up each echo of the lyrics until the last note played and the echos faded away. Alec swallowed harshly, his tongue darting out over dry lips only to find everything was dry from his mouth being agape. Alec would be touring with the one who just poured his heart and soul out to not only the piano but his virtual audience. Magnus was a performer to a level that Alec wasn't sure he was ready to follow with his mellow tunes. Magnus was... amazing and Alec knew he needed to meet him. -- Simon waved Alec along behind him, his big goofy smile bright in the near darkness as the sun set behind the tall buildings in the horizon. Lights were just starting to come on and Alec had already been given a tour of Simon's bus, his bunk, and was alerted that all staff needs would be handled by Simon's staff due to the late notice in having him join the tour. It was a relief to say the least, since Alec wasn't used to any sort of tours, he was used to the safety of his recording room behind a microphone and camera with his guitar on his lap. "Come on, this is Magnus's bus. I'll introduce you to him." Simon said, not bothering to knock on the door and instead putting in the code on the door and letting himself in. It took only seconds after the door opened and they stepped up onto the stairs that a woman's harsh voice filled the bus. "You can't just tell me to leave! We've been together for years! YEARS, Magnus!" "Well maybe you should have thought of those years before you fucked two guys on the staff, Camille!" Magnus's voice snapped back, no hint of control there like he'd had in the video that was uploaded. Simon looked back at Alec, behind him on the stairs, like a deer caught in headlights. Neither wanted to move, neither wanted to say anything about them being there, purely out of fear of the repercussions. Alec shrugged and glanced behind him to see how they could back out slowly and quietly, only then noticing what looked like Magnus's staff out on the sidewalk behind them, seemingly waiting for the fight. Great of them to warn he and Simon. "It was a mistake! I had too much to drink, you know how things get!" Camille retorted, her voice going from harsh to pleading, Alec almost able to hear the tears in her voice. Cheap shot, he thought. It was Magnus's silence that had Alec peeking up slowly over the partition between the bus and the stairs, not daring to go up any higher like Simon was. Simon was actually impressed the two hadn't noticed them yet. Magnus looked done, his eyes tired and his lips void of the bright smile he had in every video; instead turned down in a deep frown. He looked thoughtfully at Camille and Alec almost wanted to tell him not to cave to guilt tactics, but this wasn't his place. He didn't know either of them, he didn't know the situation other than her cheating- he bit back the comment. "Camille, you need to leave. It's done. We're done." "Magnus, we--" "We went through this once before, two years ago, remember? You drank too much, you got loose with the wrong guy. I forgave you and said I would never do it again and now here we are, Camille. Back to this same old shit and I'm tired. I want to make something of my life and having to worry about keeping you close so you don't just fuck someone with a bottle of gin? That's not part of my life. Please get out." Magnus said finally and Alec watched him stare Camille in the eye, holding strong to his words. It was something Alec wasn't sure he could bring himself to do in a situation like this, but he felt an almost pride in Magnus for it. "No. No, Magnus, we can talk this o--" Camille started, though Simon clearing his throat caught her attention and she looked over at him, her pleading look turning into a sneer. "We're having a conversation here!" "One that it sounds like Magnus is done with. Look, this is between you two, but we have a show coming up tomorrow and I wanted to introduce Magnus to Alec..." Simon trailed off as he motioned behind him to Alec, who had ducked back down as if he wasn't there. Well, the jig was up. Alec straightened up, giving the two further in the bus a sheepish smile and a hesitant wave. "Uh, hey. I'm Alec Li--" "Lightwood." Magnus finished, sounding miserable still but Alec gave him a break on the smile he tried to force on his face. "I've seen and subscribe to you, you do great work." Alec felt a twinge of guilt that he hadn't heard of Magnus before, especially considering Magnus had at least a thousand more followers than he himself did. A hand rose to run through shaggy black hair in desperate need of a haircut, something he should of had done instead of spending hours watching Magnus's videos. Then again, he was sure Magnus probably followed a bunch of YouTube musicians, especially with a collab folder as large as he'd found under the video collections and the amount of 'Musician spotlight' shoutout videos that were also there. "It's nice to meet you, and ..." Alec looked to Camille, every bit of his willpower used to not make a face of displeasure. First impressions were important and the first of her was certainly something. "This is Camille, my ex-girlfriend. She was just leaving." The bag held towards Camille punctuated Magnus's words as he nodded towards the door. It didn't need to be said twice, Simon moved quickly out of the way and into the drivers seat area as Alec backed out of the bus to make room for her. It seemed like both men were eager to be rid of her, which Alec could only find himself mimicking to ease the moment. Camille looked between Magnus and Simon before she ripped the bag out of Magnus's hands, her eyes narrowing at him. "You'll regret this some day, Magnus. You don't know what you're losing." She spat out, her heels clicking harshly down the aisle of the bus and the stairs to follow. "You okay...?" Simon asked as he looked over to Magnus, moving further into the bus to pat his shoulder comfortingly. Alec was behind him though giving the two a bit of space, not wanting to intrude on the two friends that seemed to be having a moment. "I'm fine, thank you for stepping in. I didn't want to snap, I just..." Magnus sighed before glancing over Simon's shoulder and straightening his slumped back. "Mr. Lightwood, I'm glad you could join the tour. When Simon's manager mentioned wanting to reach out to you, I backed Simon and told her I highly recommended it. They were worried it was too last minute, but who gets a chance like this, right?" Alec found himself smiling at Magnus's smile, no matter how defeated it looked on the other man. "Yes, thank you, and thank you, Simon, for talking to her about me. Really, this is... I couldn't have even imagined I'd be here right now, much less going on a tour across the country performing for people, with other people." "Surreal, isn't it? This one is bigger than my last one, that was kind of just a small venue type thing where it was little crowds, but once we saw forums saying people were sad we were sold out, and when my manager saw people outside lined up around the block trying to get in still, they knew we had to go a little bigger this time. Really it was the last albums success, plus all the promotions and videos we threw up on YouTube that made it work for us. That last bit was at some persuasion of Magnus during one of the collabs we did of a Queen cover. Also we--" "Simon, you're rambling." Magnus chimed in, his fingers massaging his temple. Alec noticed the paint was slightly chipped, but he was sure there was more pressing things that Magnus had to worry about than that. "Oh! Oh, I am, yeah, sorry." Simon laughed and looked at the men he was basically sandwiched between. "Sooooo Alec, you should come see the venue and you can talk to my manager. Do you have a manager? They could talk about pay and stuff like that?" Simon's attention turned solely to Alec, who seemed nervous suddenly. "I... no. I mean, my mom handles a lot of my stuff like little shows around town and my sister handles my merch store but... I'm my own manager." "Nothing wrong with that, I'm my own currently as well. It's not so hard, I can show you the ropes." Magnus offered as he moved to the nearby fridge, pulling out a bottle of water and offering it out towards the two. Simon took it, Alec taking the next offered, and Magnus opened the third to take a long sip. "What order will we be doing this?" "I think you should go first to get the crowd riled up, then Alec, then me." Simon answered, his fingers fiddling with the cap of the water bottle. "Actually, I was thinking, if it's okay, if I go first and Magnus goes before you?" Alec said nervously, clearing his throat. He then looked to Magnus as he lifted a hand in defense, which had the other smirking. "Not that I want to displace you other anything, I just... you know, my stuff is kind of slower and I stand there and play my guitar. Magnus... is everywhere. I saw someone call him the next Freddie Mercury and I mean, I've been watching videos and--" "You've been watching me, Alexander?" Magnus mused, watching the faint trace of pink tint Alec's cheeks at both the comment and the name. "N-NO, I mean, yes, but-- look, what I mean is I think Magnus can get them more riled up and ready for you better than I can. He's got the energy like you, he's got an entire band to perform with, it's just me and--" "Are you torturing the new talent?" A woman's voice floated from the staircase, all three turning to look at the redhead watching them with amusement. "Ah! That's my manager. Alec, this is Jocelyn. Jocelyn, Alec. Her daughter, Clary, does the art for our flyers and shirts." Simon introduced, slipping past Alec to go over and greet the woman. "Should we show him the venue? Go over setlists?" "I think that would be the wisest decision, we don't have much time." Jocelyn nodded, smiling to Alec and Magnus before turning and moving back off the bus. "Alec, do you have a manager?" She asked as Alec came off the bus as well, followed by Magnus. "No, not yet. Just me. Magnus said he could help, though?" Jocelyn glanced past Alec to Magnus as he spoke, nodding in agreement. "I can help you out as well, we'll make you a natural. I've been teaching Simon along the way with the promise that he doesn't replace me." She winked to them and turned to lead them to the venue, the guard at the door opening it for them once he saw the badge around her neck. -- "This is..." Alec stood on the stage, looking over the rows of seating both on the floor and on the balcony above them. "Intimidating?" Simon asked. "Beautiful?" Magnus said at the same time, the two looking at each other with grins before they looked over at Alec. "Yeah," Alec answered with a breathless laugh, since both statements were pretty spot on. He'd played in coffee shops and small bookstores, but this was 10x's bigger than anything he'd been in before. It was surreal, almost so much so that he couldn't believe it was real. He was grateful for the opportunity and even more so of the moment that the two were giving him to soak it all in. Alec was sure they'd both had their own their first time, which Magnus had stated on their way in was the show they did in Boston. It apparently took him almost an hour to recover from it, and he only fully accepted it when they stepped into the Hartford venue. "You ready, big guy?" Jocelyn asked as she touched Alec's shoulder lightly, bringing him out of that moment and making him realize that Simon and Magnus had left his side and were now messing around with some of the equipment waiting for the show the next night. "Y-Yeah, sorry, I didn't mean to get lost there." Alec could feel his face heating up, but Jocelyn looked plenty understanding and smiled at him, exuding the air of motherlike patience. "Hey, everyone goes there. Simon looked like a kid in a candy store his first big stage. Took me fifteen minutes to get him to stop running around with his arms up like some musical Rocky." She laughed and led him back to the others, putting a folder down on the table. "Alright guys, I think Alec was right in saying he should go first. No offense, Alec." "None taken." "Magnus you not only have energy, you're just infectious and now that ... she's gone, I think you're just free, kid. That Magnus you bottled up to keep an eye on her, let him go. Be the you we all saw on your channel, the one that we fell in love with when you came to the studio to do Killer Queen with them." Magnus's arms were crossed, his face neutral, but her pep talk seemed to bring a little bit of that light back and he couldn't stop the crook of his lips from forming a little smile. "You want me to..." "Break free." Jocelyn said with a playful wink, the two having found a bond over a shared love of Queen. "Are you guys flirting? This looks like flirting. I'm totally cool with it but like--" Simon's voice carried all the humor that Alec had expected from everything he'd seen on the RSP channel- he'd always seemed like the goofiest of the group. A shove from Magnus had Simon laughing and lifting his hands in a mock surrender. Jocelyn rolled her eyes though her smile was bright and she opened the folder, pulling out different papers and handing them to the men they belonged to respectively. "Alec, Clary and I went through your channel and we picked the videos with the most views, both covers and your originals, the same way we did with Magnus. What your homework is tonight is to go through this list and let me know if there's anything you want to add or remove. Remember that you have a 45 minute slot- so make sure the songs fit. It's okay if you go five minutes over, but we generally try to keep that to any crowd attention and loving you want to do after you perform. Magnus, you do the same, though I'm sure you want to keep your set, and Simon- anything you want to switch up?" Alec was completely baffled at the situation, he had always just assumed that artists picked out their own list of their most current music and then just random songs from different albums, but it made sense that they would go with the most popular since after all, that was what sold tickets. Simon was busy scribbling out one song and replacing it with another and Magnus---- Magnus was watching him. Alec froze, unable to tear his eyes away from the stare they'd become locked into, and it wasn't until Magnus gave a smile, a genuine one this time, that Alec was able to look away, instead focusing on the paperwork on the table. "This list is pretty good, I think I might replace two, but not too much more than that." Alec stuttered as he felt himself grow hot once more. What in the hell was going on with him? "Great, make sure you have it to me by 10 A.M tomorrow. The sound guys will need to go over everything with you and get pre-testing done, so we'll want to take care of that after to make soundcheck move smoothly tonight. Also, you're free to stay in your own place while we're in the city as long as you promise you'll be back on time, assuming you live in the city?" Jocelyn was excited herself to be near her own bed and it was very evident in her tone of voice. Looking around the table, Simon and especially Magnus looked just as relieved to be back home, even though they'd only been gone for less than a week. Alec could only imagine what it would be like in a couple weeks when they'd only be a month into the six month tour. "Yeah, I live about twenty minutes from here so I think that's great. My dogs will appreciate it." "Dogs? You have dogs? You should bring them!" Simon chirped, perking up at the mental image of having dogs with them all as stress relief. "Simon, no. There isn't enough room on the bus and we just started the tour. It's going to get crazy. Let's revisit that in a month, okay?" Jocelyn's words were only relenting at the end when Simon's smile dropped and she even noticed Magnus looked bummed. Alec smiled at the trio in front of him, feeling like they all were Jocelyn's new adopted kids. Admittedly it would be a little nice having a mom on the road, especially since this would be the first time Alec would be far from his own. There was no doubt he was a mama's boy, and there was nothing he would do to deny it if ever called out on it. As Jocelyn and Simon spoke about the setlist change once more, Alec's eyes caught Magnus's at the same time as Magnus had started looking at Alec, the two staring at each other subtly for a moment before Magnus was spoken to by Simon. This would definitely be an interesting start to a new beginning for Alec.

[sophiehattcr]

when i watch the world burn (all i think about is you)

Read on ao3 here

Like a good warrior, a good Shadowhunter, Alec Lightwood will die on this battlefield. He will die in a world where he is no longer loved by Magnus Bane, where he no longer walks in a bright, beautiful universe which so obviously was not meant for him - and that’s okay.

-

Both of them raw, heartbroken and bleeding, surrounded by destruction and terror, they find their way back to each other.

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Alec can feel himself flagging.

Above, the sky is sliced open – angry and red, bleeding with demons that don’t seem to stop spilling from the mouth in relentless numbers. The air is hot, stale, smells of burnt flesh and ash, smells of decay and terror. It’s putrid.

“Alec!” Izzy yells, in time for Alec to notice the demon soaring at close range from his side, spinning to latch an arrow and turn it to dust seconds before its claws tear his head from his shoulders.

He notches arrow after arrow, sweat dripping from his brow, the cracked skin on his knuckles stinging: but the demons don’t let up. He feels barely conscious. Desperate. Hopeless. Alec tastes blood on his lips, his muscles are tight and scream at him. They lost Jace and Clary what seems like days ago, the parabatai rune beating against his skin his only sign that the former is still breathing.

“There are too many of them.” Izzy gasps, her voice tight with dread.

“Keep going!” he barks, although he knows with increasing hopelessness that she’s right. He feels cruel warmth on his fingers as they drip with blood.

If I die now, an unwelcome thought swirls through his mind, Magnus will never know the truth. He will live the rest of his life believing that I didn’t love every part of him, that he wasn’t enough for me. He will live the rest of his life hating me.

The thought brings the pain in his chest to the surface, rising like stones in his throat, and it’s worse than the pain in his hands and arms. Worse than the heat of the air on the back of his neck, worse than his mortality biting at his heels.

Good. Let him hate me. As long as he can be happy tomorrow, let him resent me today.

A demon, crawling on his belly, rounds on Alec from behind. He turns, almost losing grip on his bow as he rushes to tug a blade from his thigh, throwing it between the demon’s eyes. It dies with a gurgling shriek.

Better to die today, his heart – his broken, withering, weak heart – tells him, then live another day in a world where I can never see Magnus Bane again.

The demons somehow grow thicker in the sky above them, and his hands begin to tremble. Izzy draws in a shaky breath beside him.

Like a good warrior, a good Shadowhunter, Alec Lightwood will die on this battlefield. He will die in a world where he is no longer loved by Magnus Bane, where he no longer walks in a bright, beautiful universe which so obviously was not meant for him - and that’s okay.

He notches five arrows, and points steadfastly towards the great black sea of creatures descending through the blood red sky.

“I love you, Izzy.” Alec says.

“I love you too.” Izzy replies, strength and sorrow in her voice.

Alec thinks of Magnus’ golden eyes glowing in the dusk beside him. He thinks of the warmth of his hands against Alec’s face and the lovely melody of his laugh. He thinks of Magnus’ lips, his chest, the silhouette of his shoulders against the sunset, and the flutter of his eyelids after he is kissed. He thinks of Magnus sagging in his arms, muffling his sobs against Alec’s shoulder. He thinks of the ring in the drawer of his desk that he couldn’t bear to touch again.

He thinks of that last desperate, searing kiss that Magnus pressed against his mouth before Alec walked away and shattered his own heart into pieces, and how that’s the last time Alec will ever know Magnus’ touch.

But it’s alright. 

The demons descend, and Alec is ready. To fight. To die. To lose, once and for all.

His fingers loosen their grip, and his arrows are released into the wall of death in front of him. After that, everything seems to happen in slow motion.

His arrows are launched for half a second before they turn to dust before his eyes. As do the sea of creatures before him, following a great, blinding stream of clean red light that leaves him blinking dazedly. Alec feels electricity kiss threateningly at his skin as every demon in sight is wiped from the sky. His heart registers its familiarity before his mind has the chance to catch up, jumping into his throat and sucking the air from his chest.

“Magnus!” Izzy cries. He sees her sag in relief out of the corner of his eye as he whips around, breathless and hopeful and heartbroken.

Because Magnus is there. Beautiful and powerful and terrifying, his hands outstretched menacingly at his sides as he stares at Alec with fire in his stunning, glowing yellow eyes.

He has his magic back. Alec thinks with joy, his fatigue and fear forgotten for a brief, shining moment as he gazes at Magnus in all his glory. He looks like a Prince of Hell. He looks like his saviour, like an avenging angel. He looks like everything Alec has ever wanted.

“Izzy.” Magnus says, sparing Izzy his sharp gaze even as his voice softens a touch. “Retreat and regroup with your reinforcements.”

Her eyes flick to Alec’s, before she nods firmly. Her grip on her whip is as strong as ever as she marches with determination away from one battle and towards another, into the dust and out of sight.

“Magnus.” Alec whispers, and his knees buckle before he can quite comprehend what is happening. He finds himself kneeling in the dust before Magnus. Worshipful. Terrified.

“You stupid Nephilim.” Magnus spits. His eyes are burning, angry and raw as they bore into Alec’s. “You stupid, idiotic Shadowhunter.”

Alec says nothing, his mouth suddenly dry, his thoughts suddenly empty apart from a lovesick mantra of Magnus. Magnus. Magnus. Magnus.

Magnus begins to step closer, and Alec feels every inch he shortens the distance between them like a fist squeezing at his heart.

“You went to my father?” Magnus scoffs, looming closer and closer. “After everything I told you about him? A prince of hell? A creature that thrives on pain, on suffering and manipulation, who lives and breathes to draw me back to his side for the rest of eternity? You went to him?”

“I-“ Alec can barely think. He feels blood drip down his arm, dirt and sweat matting his hair against his forehead. “He told you?”

Magnus stops then, a metre from Alec, glaring with fury down at Alec as he stares up from his place on the ground, gormless and awed.

“Of course he did.” Magnus says, hands curling into fists at his sides. “Once he realised I wouldn’t be his pet again, he couldn’t bear another second pretending to be the caring father whose only concern is to ease his dear son’s pain. He thrives off suffering, but god forbid anyone not realise he is the orchestrator of that suffering. A proud creature, is Asmodeus.”

Alec feels shaky, untethered.

“But, Magnus.” Alec mutters, “Your magic. The deal…”

“Yes, a fantastic job you did there, Alexander.” Magnus sneers, even as his eyes shine with unshed tears. “You really held up your end of the bargain beautifully. Consider my heart entirely shattered.”

“But. Now you know, and-“

“He can try and take my magic from me again.” Magnus snaps. “But he’ll have to get me where he can reach me first, and I won’t make it easy for him when he does. This time, I’ll know better than to fall into his poisonous embrace again.”

Magnus’ body is taut, what Alec recognises as unconcealed pain swirling in his eyes and tightening his shoulders. He’s as raw as Alec has ever seen him, as dangerous as he’s ever seen him, with his battered heart on full display and his magic barbed and ready to destroy.

Alec did this to him.

“I’m sorry.” Alec says, because it suddenly becomes paramount to him that Magnus knows this. He doesn’t know how much time they have before the threat of death descends upon them again, but if he dies in the next minute, he needs Magnus to know this. “I never wanted to hurt you. Never. You, you were just so unhappy and I couldn’t bear it, and I knew that if I could give you this, if I could find a way to give you your magic back you could be happy again, you could be whole again. Even if it meant losing me, I-I know you could move on from that. You have before. He was the only way I could think of, and I couldn’t bear it, Magnus. I couldn’t bear seeing you so unhappy because I love you, I love you so much and I knew that you would spend your life resenting me if I didn’t, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Alec is trembling now, and he suddenly feels everything rise to the surface as his eyes heat with tears and the lump in his throat swells. He knew that walking away from Magnus, that throwing Magnus’ hurt and his love back in his face, was the biggest mistake he’s ever made – but now he really feels it, deep in the pit of his soul. It’s worse than breaking his own heart, because it’s Magnus’ heart he’s broken. Magnus’ gentle, wise, strong, beautiful heart; crushed into the dirt.

Magnus is silent above him, and Alec turns his face to the floor and away from Magnus’ face, unable to bear the hatred he will undoubtedly find there.

He hears a crunch and a shuffle, and he finds his face being turned upward by two warm hands as Magnus draws Alec’s eyes level with his, the two of them now kneeling in the dust. Alec can’t withhold the shudder that rocks his body at Magnus’ touch.

“You stupid Nephilim.” Magnus whispers this time, and Alec feels Magnus’ breath against his skin. Magnus’ eyes still glow yellow, but the anger has dimmed, and there is no universe where Alec isn’t helpless to their pull.

“How can you not know,” Magnus says lowly, “that losing you carved a bigger hole in me than anything I have ever experienced in all my centuries of living?”

Alec can only swallow and tremble beneath Magnus’ palms.

“I thought that losing my magic was breaking me.” Magnus murmurs, close and quiet and secret. “But when you left….when you left me, Alec, I couldn’t bear it.”

Magnus licks his lips and shifts minutely closer, seemingly preparing himself.

“I have loved before. Many times. I have loved and lost so many, had my heart broken by so many. I have healed before, learnt from my mistakes, learnt from the wounds other people have dealt me. But with you, I…” Magnus’ eyes dip from Alec’s gaze for a moment and he shivers. Alec barely supresses the urge to wrap him into his arms, blood and confessions and the looming threat of mortality be damned. “It’s different. You’re different.”

Magnus leans back slightly, and while his body is still tense from head to toe and his eyes still glow golden, Alec can see the righteous rage has bled from him, leaving behind the raw, vulnerable man cupping his bruised heart in his palms for Alec to see. The last time Magnus bared his hollowed-out, aching heart to Alec, he had taken it and crushed it beneath his foot – and yet here Magnus is again, offering it before Alec’s eyes. Alec is more terrified now than he has ever been.

“I wanted to remove you from my life. I wanted to tear my memories of you from my mind.” Magnus whispers. Alec’s heart squeezes painfully in his chest. “Never... never have I wanted to do that with anyone else. Never have I felt the need to. Not even with Camille, I-I just, the pain of losing you, thinking you didn’t love me anymore, it was agonising.”

Magnus swallows, loosens his grip on Alec’s face and slides his hands down until he’s cupping Alec’s neck instead. The part of Alec’s brain that isn’t reeling from Magnus’ words, the part of his soul that isn’t drowning in the throbbing hurt that exists between them, marvels at once again having Magnus’ hands against his skin, at seeing his beautiful eyes shine in the desolate air and the shape of his jaw against the seared orange sky.

“I couldn’t do it, though. I wanted to, I wanted to so badly but I couldn’t. And that’s what Asmodeus wanted.” Magnus eyes once again flash with anger at the mention of his father’s name. “He wanted me raw and in pain, so he could draw me into his arms once again, so he could convince me that I had no other choice than to take my rightful place at his side again.”

“I’m sorry.” Alec says, quieter than a whisper, and Magnus shakes his head.

“But he was wrong.” Magnus says with resolution, his voice firm with anger and grit and a fire that makes Alec’s blood hot and goosebumps prick at his skin. “He thought that I loved you, and having you walk from my life would leave me small, broken and weak.”

Alec can’t breathe.

“He was wrong. I am stronger now than I was when he first found me. I am a different man. A better man. And that’s not the only thing he grossly misunderstood.” Magnus sucks in a breath. “Because in reality, you’re the love of my life, and I’m not going to let you go without a fight.”

Alec’s eyes spill over with tears, and in that moment he loses every thought in his head, every sensation in his body other than the need to reach up and drag Magnus by the shoulders towards him, until their mouths meet in a kiss that destroys Alec and puts him back together all over again. Alec feels Magnus’ lips move against his, and it feels like rebirth. Magnus kisses him, and Alec is whole again.

They part only to gasp and press their foreheads together, Magnus’ fingers skimming across Alec’s neck and shoulders as Alec grips desperately at the back of Magnus’ jacket.

“I don’t think I can live without you, either.” Magnus breathes, and Alec is lost.

“I love you.” Alec says, voice trembling, tears like red hot rivers streaming down his face. “I love you, Magnus. I’m so sorry. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy. Everything I’ve ever done is to try and make you happy.”

“Shh.” Magnus whispers. “I know.”

He kisses Alec again, soft and sweet and far too quickly.

“I’m still angry at you, you know. Really angry.”

Alec manages a smile, and it’s crooked and apologetic and painful but his heart has been knitted haphazardly together for now, and it’s enough.

“I know.”

There’s a distant, blood-freezing shriek, and both Alec and Magnus look up to see the angry wound in the sky spill more demons, the masses of their black shapes against red hurtling towards the ground at a frightening pace.

They both rise to their feet, and their hands find each other, fingers tangling together where they belong.

“It doesn’t matter how much we fight as long as that rift is still open.” Alec says with dread.

Magnus fingers tighten in his.

“It would seem that way.” He says, but he doesn’t sound hopeless. He sounds determined.

Alec turns to him, brow furrowing.

“Magnus…”

“I’m going to close it.” Magnus says simply, not meeting Alec’s eyes. “I know I can.”

“Magnus, no, it’s-“

“It’s the only way.” Magnus turns his gaze to Alec’s then, and his eyes burn with resolve, purpose, and something that looks a lot like love. “You know it is. It’s the only way we can end this.”

“I’ll come with you.” Alec says hurriedly, and it’s desperate and flailing and childish but he can’t lose Magnus again. He can’t.

Magnus smiles sadly at him.

“No.” Magnus says. “They need you. The city needs you.”

Alec can barely speak past the lump that swells in his throat, past the hot tears that tremble in his eyes and the feeling of urgency that rises ever prominently inside him, because he knows Magnus is right. Magnus is always right.

Instead, he draws Magnus closer to him until they’re chest to chest again, eyes skimming over every inch of his beautiful face.

“You’ll come back.” Alec murmurs, soft and reverent. Pleading. “Won’t you?”

A tearful smile crosses Magnus’ lips, and he lets go of Alec’s hand to cup his face once again, warm and loving and sad.

“Why wouldn’t I?” He whispers. “Look what I have waiting for me.”

Alec’s heart skips a beat. Magnus’ eyelashes lower and his chin tips upwards as he expects to be kissed, but instead:

“Will you marry me?” Alec says suddenly, startling himself with the words as they cross his lips. He hadn’t meant to say them – not here, not now, when there’s an axe hovering over both their necks and they’ve only just collided with each other again - yet he can’t take them back. He doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want another moment to pass where Magnus doesn’t know that Alec loves him, that he will love him for the rest of his life, that Magnus is his earth and stars and everything in between.

Magnus jaw falls slack as he stares at Alec, stares and stares with his fingers still against Alec’s jaw and his brows lifted in innocent surprise.

“Alec-“

“I love you.” Alec says. “If-when we make it out of this – and this isn’t how I wanted to do this I swear – I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You are my world, Magnus. I don’t want there to be any more doubt.”

And as they stand together in the dust, hands on each other’s skin, surrounded by death and desolation and dread, Magnus smiles at him.

“Yes.” He says, and Alec never knew that such a simple, common word could fix every crack in his heart, balm every ache in his soul. “Yes, Alexander Lightwood, I will marry you.”

Alec can’t not kiss him then, their mouths coming together familiar and brand new at once. He kisses him and kisses him for as long as he dares, and feels the world unfold anew behind his eyes.

“I have a ring.” Alec gasps against Magnus’ mouth, “I have a ring, I had everything planned out, I didn’t mean-“

Magnus shakes his head slightly. Alec feels Magnus’ hair brush against his forehead with the movement before Magnus slides his hands into Alec’s hair and kisses him harder.

“After.” Magnus says, the word almost lost between their lips. “After. We’ll do this after. We still have so much to talk about, just…after. I have to go.”

He moves away then, and Alec grips his arms harder even though he can still feel Magnus’ breath on his face, the tip of his nose brushing against Alec’s.

“I have to go, Alexander.” He steps back, eyes finding Alec’s, hands moving from Alec’s hair to his neck to his shoulders before they fall at his sides. Alec’s hands follow suit, and they feel empty and wrong twitching at his thighs.

“Come back.” Alec says. A plea.

Magnus takes another step back, and another, his fierce gaze never once leaving Alec’s. His beautiful face curves into a smile.

“We always find our way back to each other.” Magnus says, and it sounds a lot like a vow.

He reaches an arm back, opens a portal with a graceful curl of his wrist (and how Alec has missed that, even if his entire body is screaming at him to reach out and take Magnus in his arms instead).

“I love you, Magnus Bane.” Alec tells him. He could tell him every minute for the rest of eternity and it would never be enough.

“I love you too.” Magnus says, soft as a prayer.

Then Magnus steps backwards and disappears.

[normal-thoughts-official]

I think their reunion in Edom was just the beginning for Magnus realizing how Alec really loved him and the ultimate point was on their bed, before he caressed his hair. The way Magnus kept looking at Alec was like "yeah this man was really willing to sacrifice everything for me. He went to fucking hell for me" and then decided to have the wedding that day because he wouldn't let any more fucking problem bother and separate them

OKAY SO i know it took me like a thousand years to answer this and im sorry, but well, this got me inspired and i took forever to actually write the fic it inspired. i have no excuse for it being Like This but oh, well. hope you like it

Read it on ao3

It doesn’t hit him until he steps out of the portal that he made into his loft; not until he drops on his couch and stares at the yellow walls, at the array of books left disorganized and the scattered remnants of a potion now forgotten. And even then, it doesn’t really hit him as a realization, but rather as a bone-deep tiredness, the exhaustion from the day catching up to him right when he thought he was taking a breath.

I’m home.

He didn’t think he would see home again; and funnily enough, that, of all things, was something he thought about during the time he was in Edom: he didn’t even get to say goodbye to it, to mourn it properly. His life, his freedom, the air of a world that wasn’t made of darkness and memories of torture. His home. His home.

His home.

Of course, the last time he was here, he didn’t know he was facing the possibility of not coming back; he was actually very much planning on being back, and soon, preferably on his bedroom with Alexander behind him. But of course, getting your boyfriend-slash-not-really-fiancé back after banishing your evil demon father who schemed for you to break up just couldn’t be that simple. Go figure.

Still, if he had known it would have been the last time-

But it wasn’t, was it?

“I’m home,” he says, and blinks, so fast it almost makes him dizzy; afraid to have his eyes closed for too long, lest everything is taken away from him in his distraction again.

“You are,” Alexander says, simply, sitting down beside him. It’s not really a flop like Magnus’, but it’s not graceful, either. It’s an emotionless move; direct and to the point. The means to an end.

Magnus looks at him, aware that his eyes are probably displaying all of the emotion his brain won’t allow him to process right now. He doesn’t care. He just wants to look at him, at his ruffled hair, his lopsided smile, his eyes.

Alexander is looking at him in a way that’s more fit for the moon and stars; the kind of look that’s reserved for a beauty so impossible that acknowledging it is almost an act of resignation. He looks at Magnus in awe, surrender, affection; but rather than intense, it’s peaceful. Sweet. Vulnerable in a way only the protected can be.

“I’m home,” he repeats, cupping Alec’s face with his hands, and he knows there’s something showing in his eyes, too, a wonder so deep it’s more of a mix between love and fear. He feels it like it’s stuck to the back of his skull, not hiding, but holding itself so as not to spill.

“You are,” Alec answers, taking his hand in his and raising it delicately to his lips, kissing the inside of his wrist. Magnus can feel the blood rushing through the veins there, can feel the proof that he’s alive. He’s flooded by it in a way that’s completely incompatible with the gentleness of Alec’s touch.

"Alec," Magnus says, like he's wounded, like he's breathless, like a part of him is missing. He can’t choke out a full “Alexander”; it would feel too much like letting go.

"Magnus," Alec answers, sounding firm like the support Magnus would need in order to allow himself to shake.

He launches himself onto Alec like he’s going to attack him, rip him apart with his hands just to make sure he’s made of flesh. He holds him like he wants to swallow him, hands clutching to Alec’s back in an almost-imitation of the reunion hug that they didn’t get to complete. It’s a sharp contrast with the way Alec holds him, hands on the back of his head so steady, hold on him firm as he takes Magnus to straddle his lap, so they can be close, close like they have been wanting to be for the last 48 hours, and inhales like he wants to make the sandalwood a permanent part of him. Alec holds him with ease and steadiness, like this is where his peace lies, like Magnus is sheltering him from the launches of emotions he himself is experiencing right now.

Alec is firm, and Magnus shakes.

“Alec,” he says again, hands allowing itselves it explore, to press at the back of Alec’s neck lightly, to follow the path of his spine, to remap his body like he’s afraid he’ll find a part missing. He’s all there, from the soft strands of his hair to the hard line of his back, his calloused hands on Magnus’ scalp, his aura a comfort. “Alec. Alexander,” he manages, and doesn’t fall, but still feels like Alexander catches him.

“Shh, it’s okay, Magnus, it’s okay,” Alec says, starting to pet his head, hand wrapped protectively around his waist, and it’s almost surreal to have him there like this, when not too long ago Magnus was holding unto him to try not to let him escape.

“I know,” Magnus says, “but I can’t feel it.”

Alec makes a wounded noise, like that of all things is what’s going to break him. He plants a kiss on the top of Magnus’ head, and lets his hands rub and touch Magnus’ whole back. When Magnus pulls away from his chest just slightly, Alec immediately moves the kisses to his face, butterfly kisses that shouldn’t feel as intense as they do, fast and short but making Magnus feel like they’re marking him with light. He breathes in as Alec kisses his forehead, cheeks, nose, jawline, and breathes out by immediately deepening the kiss when Alec reaches just the corner of his lips.

He pours everything into it, his whole body, holding Alec’s head against his as he moves almost frantically. Alec lets him, lets him take whatever he wants, holds him steady as Magnus deepens the kiss like this is the only way he can reach Alec. It feels good, to not be the one to give for once, to have Alec be there for him.

With him?

Does the distinction matter?

Does the distinction exist?

He grinds his hips against Alec’s without even noticing, and still doesn’t feel the need to pull away for breath. He strokes Alec’s neck almost carefully, the way he knows gives him goosebumps, and when he feels Alec getting hard against his thigh, he moans.

It feels good to let himself take, but he wants to be taken, too.

“Alec,” he says again when he pulls away from the kiss, like it’s the only word he remembers. He lets his forehead rest against Alec’s, breathing heavily, and he knows he’s speed-running through every kind of touch he can possibly think of, but he can’t help it.

“Magnus, don’t you want to-”

“Just want you,” he says, eyes still closed, feeling the warmth of Alec’s embrace and hearing their mingled, heavy breaths. “I know, I know we should talk, and we will, I promise we will, but-” he opens his eyes, “you’re here.”

Alec nods like any of this made sense, and he knows Alec feels it too, doesn’t need Magnus to explain because they’re connected by these feelings. They’re in sync again, and Alec’s got him, and gods, Magnus loves him.

“I love you.”

It takes him a minute to say “I love you” back, not because he doesn’t feel it, but because he thought the words had come from his own mouth.

“I love you too, Alexander,” he says when he realizes, “want you, just, need you right now.”

“Okay,” Alec says, cupping his face again. “Okay,” and kisses him again.

This time, Alec is enthusiastically giving back, and Magnus feels himself breathe when he doesn’t need to ask for it anymore. It feels good, to rely on Alec, to let him take care of him, to trust him to be there for him. He should have known, should have known Alec would always want to give Magnus whatever he wanted, but somehow he had managed to forget that in these past few days.

But now Alec is here, kissing him back, stroking his back and holding him impossibly close, and their kiss deepens and deepens and Magnus can feel all of himself, his body and his magic and his mind, the rush of blood through him, the relief that he’s been craving for so long. And Alec, warm and solid, lips chapped and tongue smooth and voice rough when Magnus rolls his hips and Alec groans, and the moan Magnus lets out feels almost as good as the feeling of Alec’s hands cupping his ass.

He rocks back into it, wanting to feel more, wanting Alec’s hands to rub and squeeze and bruise him, wants to feel his slaps and the impact but he knows he’ll have to leave this part for another day.

Still, he moans in relief when Alec obliges, squeezing him harder through the fabric, letting go of Magnus’ mouth in favour of nibbling at his earlobe and sucking at his neck. He’s pushing all of Magnus’ buttons at once, and Magnus is nothing if not relieved. He keeps rocking back on Alec’s touch, moaning with delight every time Alec squeezes harder and holds, letting him feel all of it.

He yelps when Alec grabs his thighs and starts carrying him to the bedroom. Then he wraps his legs around Alec’s waist and laughs, and Alec’s never looked more delighted, with that smile of his that is as small as it is obvious. Magnus chuckles again and kisses him, and they almost stumble and fall with the way Alec forgets everything else and just kisses him back. Magnus giggles every time Alec almost falters, and soon the kiss is peppered on with their little laughs, laced with that kind of wet joy they can’t help pouring into it. It reminds Magnus of their first time, and it feels good to think of this memory in a context where it doesn’t hurt.

When his back touches the mattress, he’s almost shocked to remember there are things other than Alec in the room. The way he clutches to him harder is completely involuntary.

“It’s okay, Magnus,” Alec says, slowly, disentangling himself from Magnus’ hands so that he can go back to kissing and sucking at his neck, his hands moving slowly to unbutton Magnus’ shirt, like they have all the time in the world. Magnus doesn’t feel like they have any time at all. “It’s okay, I’m here, I’ve got you,” he kisses Magnus’ neck, and undoes another button, and lets his hands roam free under the fabric, alternating between running his whole palm on Magnus’ chest and circling his fingers slowly against Magnus’ skin, the press of his thumbs grounding and pleasurable and slowly unknotting something deep inside of Magnus. Then he kisses his neck again, and undoes another button, and it starts all over again. The slow repetition, the reverence, the care with which Alec touches him has him clenching his thighs in an attempt to feel the friction he needs, despite the fact that his spread legs make it impossible to actually feel the pressure on his clit. So he settles for trying to grind against Alec, moaning when he feels the pressure of Alec’s hard cock against him. Fuck, it feels so good already, and he’s nowhere near where he wants yet. He grinds harder, letting Alec’s cock rub against his clit through the layers of clothes, and Alec moans deliciously at that as he finally takes off Magnus’ shirt.

It’s not a second after Magnus’ hands are out of the sleeves that he starts tugging at Alec’s shirt. Once it’s out, they roam free over Alec’s chest, feeling the soft hair that he knows increases Alec’s sensation when he touches him, rubbing lightly at Alec’s nipples, kissing and licking at his collarbone. He can feel Alec trying to get his hands under Magnus’ (unnecessarily tight) pants, and knows the fact that his legs are still hooked around Alec’s waist and that he’s still rocking against Alec doesn’t help, but he still doesn’t stop it, just like he doesn’t stop kissing Alec’s collarbone and running his hands over his chest and back.

Or at least, not until he feels Alec tug at his hair. It’s like his whole body stops, taken over by the force of his whine. Fuck, he loves it when Alec grips his hair.

Alec has the nerve to smirk at him, and Magnus would complain, but Alec’s fist is still on his hair, pulling and tugging just the way he likes it, and once he undoes Magnus’ fly he immediately starts rubbing Magnus’ clit through the pants, and fuck it feels so good.

“Take me,” Magnus whines, feeling almost helpless in the way Alec manhandles him, “come on Alec, come on, please, please, take me.”

“I’ve got you,” Alec says, “it’s okay, baby, let it go, I’ve got you.”

He’s still rubbing Magnus’ clit, and it feels good, but his pants are restricting Alec’s movements too much for his liking. And Magnus knows Alec likes the whole undressing thing, but he doesn’t have the time for this right now, so he magics both of their pants (and underwear) off. Alec doesn’t stop, almost thrusting against his clit now, hard and fast and wet with Magnus’ slick, and every time Magnus thrusts back into his hands he feels the tug at his hair get sharper, and he moans moans moans as his cunt clenches around nothing, desperate for friction, and he squirts on Alec’s hand.

It’s not enough.

Alec doesn’t even have the time to look smug - like he always does when he manages to make Magnus squirt - before Magnus is thrusting back again. “Come on, Alec, please, take me, want you, want to feel your cock, please.”

Were it any other circumstance, he knows saying this would be like begging Alec to tease him, to deny him and make him beg harder, but he knows Alec is as desperate as he is, can see it in the speed of his movements, in the edge in his eyes. Alec slides his cock into Magnus’ cunt, and Magnus’ hand throws back in pleasure.

He’s all over Magnus now, mouth on his neck and hand on his back and his cock finally inside, fucking him fast and hard, stretching his cunt and making it all the better when it clenches around him. Magnus sobs and moans and screams, back arching and head thrown back as he tries to meet Alec’s thrusts. He’s gripping Alec’s back again, holding him close and using him as support to fuck himself on Alec. He feels Alec’s hands slide down to squeeze his ass again, an intense kind of pleasure that almost dulls the rest of his body. Magnus can barely feel anything other than Alec’s cock hitting him inside, the almost possessive grab on his ass holding him so Alec can fuck him better. “Gods, want you to bruise me,” he says without really planning to.

It's worth it for the feel of Alec slapping his ass, though.

"Good?" Alec asks, "need more preparing?"

Magnus moans. "No, it's good, keep going, please."

"Okay," Alec says, slapping him again. This time he goes back to thrusting afterwards, the sting on Magnus' ass lingering and making the feel of his cock all the more delicious. "I love you so much, Magnus, Angel, I've missed you so bad."

It's a contrast, the way Alec whispers sweet nothings into his ear with the way he slaps him and fucks him. It makes tears prickle on Magnus' eyes. He wants the sensation, the sharp reassurance of Alec, not the hard pleasure of being used, and Alec knows that so easily. Gods, he really loves Alexander so much.

"Don't ever wanna be without you again," Alec keeps on, and this time the tears do fall. He feels Alec squeeze his ass in reassurance once more, and moans at the sharp pain it sends. "Never, Magnus, I love you so much."

"I love you too," Magnus says, tears still falling, not letting himself let down the rhythm they're at, because it's so good, he feels so close. "I didn't think you'd come for me," he says, and it sounds like a confession, small and fragile.

Alec sounds hurt. "Always, Magnus. Will always be there for you, as long you want me to."

That makes Magnus falter. "You can't… Promise that." He says, a little shocked. Doesn't Alec know? If it were up to Magnus-

"I just did. I'm not leaving you again," Alec answers, and Magnus didn't notice their rhythm had changed, but Alec is fucking him slowly now, letting him feel the drag of every inch of Alec's cock, hear the soft noises of his slick as Alec nibbles at his neck. It's good, especially combined with the delicious ache on his ass, like his whole body is throbbing with the way Alec fucks him. Magnus can feel every second, every touch. Alec is here. "Never leaving you, Magnus."

"But you d-" he says, then stops himself. It feels like it was years ago, but at the same time it's like he didn't process it properly.

Alec makes a sound like he's been wounded, pained and desperate. "Never again," he says, "never again, Magnus, I'm sorry, never again."

"It's okay," he says, because it hurt, but it is okay. They're gonna have the time to talk about it properly, but for now, what matters is that he knows Alec did it for him. That's what matters, for now.

Alec seems to understand that, because he just keeps it up, his slow, hard thrusts, as he smells Magnus' hair and moans. "I was gonna become a vampire," Alec says, "if Clary hadn't made the Alliance rune, if the others didn't help, I'd have made Simon turn me and go to live in Edom with you."

Magnus feels like he's gonna drown in his emotion. "That's a horrible plan," he chokes out. Alec just laughs. "What about Isabelle, what about-"

Alec shushes him with a kiss, soft and good. His thrusts are almost sensuous now, slow and pointed, and Magnus feels like they're doing this whole thing in reverse. "Losing my siblings would be awful," he admits, "but leaving you is the worst thing ever. I don't ever want to go where you can't follow. I don't ever wanna leave you," he says, and it sounds more like a promise than a confession.

"Alexander," he says, eyes wide, because surely Alec can't mean what he thinks he means.

"It's okay," Alec says, peppering kisses on his face again, then on his mouth, holding him down almost languidly as he kisses Magnus and explores his mouth, feels his warmness, grounds himself with him. "I know what I want, Magnus."

"Okay," Magnus answers, because what else can he say? "Okay," he repeats, still in awe, and brings Alec down again so he can kiss him again, deep and franctic this time, and quickening the pace of his thrusts.

Alec gets the hint, following through and rubbing Magnus' clit at the same place, until his moans mix with Magnus' screams, until the both of them get so lost in each other it's a surprise to open their eyes and find out they've come down from their orgasms.

And how beautiful Magnus looks, sensitive and satisfied and happy, when he curls himself against Alec's chest and lets him take care of him.

*

When Magnus wakes up the next day, it's from an almost overwhelming amount of heat. He's all curled up on himself, and Alec is all curled up around him, dead to the world like he always is at this time of the morning.

He swiftly disentangles himself from Alec, getting a little further to breathe, and then looks at him. Alec looks peaceful like he never has before, still curled up around a now imaginary Magnus. He feels himself itch to touch him, to make sure he's real again, so he slowly reaches out to stroke Alec's hair.

He still doesn't quite know what to think of his and Alec's future, but he does know where to start.

[bytheangell]

Let the Clichés Pour

(Read on AO3)  (Based off of This Tweet that everyone kept sending to me because I used to waitress at an Olive Garden, so of course I had to turn it into an entire fic)) -------------- “I was going to break up with you anyway, I guess you just sped up the process.”

God, Camille was a bitch. Her words replay in his head over and over as he drives, looking for the first place he can find that’ll serve alcohol. He’ll take a corner store just as quickly as a five-star restaurant at this point, but he absolutely needs a drink. He should’ve known better, should’ve seen it coming the way all of his friends did, warning him constantly that Camille was no good, that she didn’t love him the way he loved her. Magnus suspected that to an extent, but he didn’t think she didn’t care for him at all.

She said she was working late, that they’d celebrate another day over the weekend. Magnus - because he loved her, and what a goddamn fool he was for that - took the day off to go to her apartment while she was at work and cook her a full three-course meal from scratch to have waiting for her when she got back. As a surprise.

The surprise was his when he heard her key turn in the lock and she tumbled in through the doorway with another guy attached to her lips. And her hips. And her--

No, he is entirely too sober to relive that moment. As if on cue he spots the sign for an Olive Garden and pulls off the road towards it. He doesn’t want to be alone and he doesn’t want to tell Cat and Ragnor just yet; they have a night out of their own planned and he doesn’t want to ruin it. He knows they’ll want to know and that there’s no way they’d let him deal with this on his own which is exactly why he decides to wait until tomorrow to break the news. Just because his Valentine’s Day is ruined doesn’t mean everyone else’s has to be, too.

The restaurant is packed. Magnus doesn’t know why he’s so surprised by the number of people who wait cramped in the too-small lobby since the weather outside is far too cold to wait anywhere else. Thankfully the host with the glasses who looks two seconds away from having a breakdown finishes his by-the-book greeting by adding that the seats at the bar are first-come, first-serve.

There’s a single chair open at the end of the bar and Magnus takes it, praying no one he knows will be here to see him. He’s given a polite but short “be right with you” from the bartender that, judging by the length of the paper lined with drink orders coming out of the printer next to her, maybe a bit longer than she’d lead him to believe.

“I’m in no rush,” he assures her. He’s eager to get alcohol in himself but, honestly, the sad truth of the matter is that he has nowhere else to be. He just needs to kill enough time where he isn’t alone, and he doesn’t foresee himself bursting into tears at an Olive Garden bar over the woman who broke his heart so he thinks he’s safe here. Safer than he’d be drowning himself in wine and ice cream alone in his apartment if nothing else.

“Why are there so many people on the wait?” The exasperated voice of a waiter floats over to him, the words directed at the female bartender who only laughs and shakes her head.

“It’s like this every year, Alec. I don’t know why you keep acting surprised,” she points out.

“The surprise is that people aren’t even trying to up their standards from a $9.99 unlimited soup and salad deal for a romantic night out. If one more person tries to get 4 samples of wine out of me to avoid buying a glass I swear to God-”

“Deep breaths, Lightwood. Take your samples, bat your eyelashes, and do what you do best.”

The waiter - Alec - rolls his eyes, and Magnus is left with the distinct impression this cannot possibly be what he does best. The bartender makes a few more drinks before she sighs at the orders still remaining and decides they’ll just have to wait, turning back to Magnus to take his order.

“Sorry about the wait,” she says, and he’s surprised to see she actually does seem apologetic despite clearly being swamped. “I’m Maia, what can I get for you?”

“Whiskey, neat. Make it a double. Best you got.” Because fuck it, he has about $400 worth of jewelry to return the next day so why not splurge a little on overpriced drinks.

“Waiting for someone?” The bartender asks him, and then immediately regrets the question when Magnus opens and closes his mouth wordlessly, frowning. He realizes that he’s been operating in such a daze since he left Camille’s apartment, ordering his heartbreak drink on instinct, that now that it sits in front of him the reality of it all crashes down on him.

“No, but I’m afraid that’s for the best.” He’s quick to recover with a smile, albeit a sad smile. If this were another setting on another day he might actually be the cliche who spills his guts out to the bartender. Instead it’s Valentine’s Day in a busy chain restaurant and the poor girl in front of him doesn’t have time to play therapist. “Thanks,” he adds, taking a very long sip of the drink.

She takes the easy out and turns back to the couple next to Magnus, leaving and coming back with an appetizer for them to share. There’s another bartender on the other end of the bar, Magnus observes as he continues to make quick work of his whiskey, a blonde male who’s doing more winking and theatrical bottle flipping than actual drink making, not that his patrons seem to mind. At least not the women; Magnus imagines he might be making an enemy or two out of the dates they’re there with.

It is a nice distraction, Magnus thinks, being surrounded by people, even if most of those people are couples. The best distraction of all, however, is the frustrated waiter when he’s right back at the side station where the servers go to pick up their drinks from the bar. Magnus has a clear view of him from where he sits and for the first time allows his eyes to dwell on a tattoo barely covered by the collar of his shirt, the scar in his eyebrow, and the way his hazel eyes widen in surprise as he laughs at something the girl next to him says.

“Seriously? A second proposal?” Alec says, shaking his head. “I refuse to believe anyone would want to propose here. There are a million better places! Like literally any other restaurant, for starters.”

“You’re just bitter because you’re still single,” Maia offers.

“No, I just have standards,” Alec counters. “For all the training we get here, nothing could’ve prepared me for the number of guys who think it’s completely acceptable to propose to their girlfriends in Olive Garden on Valentine’s Day.”

Magnus should be offended for probably being roped in with the ‘people without standards’ for spending his own Valentine’s Day here, technically speaking, but that isn’t the part that sticks with him. Alec’s single, Magnus notes - that’s his takeaway. Not that there’s even a hint of the waiter not being straight... and not that Magnus is going to ask out the first attractive person he sees, especially not on Valentine’s Day.

At least not with just one drink in his system.

Magnus gets Maia to refill his whiskey once more with things slowing down just enough that Maia swings back around with a basket of bread despite the fact that he told her he wasn’t hungry. “You’ll thank me later,” she says, eyeing the whiskey pointedly. “The bread is fresh, and I threw in a dipping sauce on the house. Just don’t tell my manager.” She gives him a wink and he wonders how sad he must look for her to be throwing bread and alfredo sauce at him for free.

Magnus finishes the whiskey and, instead of leaving, decides to switch to something a little lighter. It’s with a large glass of sangria that’s more fruit juice than wine, he’s sure, that Alec is back by the bar.

“They’re sitting on the same side of the booth, Maia,” Alec grumbles. “They spent ten minutes making out instead of eating and then complained the food was cold. I swear to God I’m going to commit a felony before the night is over.”

“Tell me before you do!” the blonde bartender chimes in, coming up behind Maia. “I’ll record it and put it on the internet so we can go viral!”

“Thanks for the support, Jace,” Alec says and rolls his eyes again.

Maia turns around, spots Magnus staring, and winces apologetically. “He’s not really going to commit a felony,” she says a bit nervously.

Magnus only laughs. “I wouldn’t blame him if he did. There’s a special place in hell for couples who sit on the same side of a booth.” He intentionally speaks just loud enough for Alec to hear him, and makes eye contact when Alec looks over in his direction to see who said it. Magnus winks at Alec who flushes and turns quickly to leave… too quickly, it would seem, as he runs directly into another server.

Magnus cringes at the sight of spilling drinks followed by the sound of breaking glass, watching a nearby busser spring into action to clean up the mess almost immediately.

“Shit,” Alec curses, looking back over at Magnus with a mixture of shock and mortification before shifting to look apologetically at Maia instead. “Can you-”

“Already remaking them,” she reassures him. “Go clean up, they’ll be done when you get back.”

Alec vanishes from sight and Magnus wishes desperately that he could do the same. Instead, he drenches some bread in alfredo sauce and works on sobering himself up enough to leave before he can do any more damage.

--------------

Alec is drenched. The only plus side is that the black shirts they wear hide the stains of wine and margarita, but no matter how much he wrings it out into the sink the wet fabric clings to him now and he’s pretty sure he’s starting to get drunk off the smell of the alcohol on him.

“What the hell was that?” Jace’s voice sounds behind him.

“An accident, Jace. People make them. You should know, you make plenty.” Alec glares, hoping his tone is enough to convey that this conversation is absolutely over. As if the night hasn’t been stressful enough before he made an absolute fool out of himself in front of the gorgeous guy at the bar-

“I’ve never seen you drop so much as a single fork, let alone an entire tray of drinks,” Jace insists. “What’s wrong?”

And I’ve never seen someone as gorgeous as that guy at the bar, Alec thinks to himself, and feels the hint of a blush creep onto his cheeks remembering the fact that the very same man saw the entire disaster that Alec just became.

Jace peers closer at him. “Are you blushing?”

Alec pushes past him without a response and goes back out to the bar, praying that Maia has his drinks ready so he can take them and leave as quickly as possible. With any luck, the guy at the bar will be gone.

Of course, luck obviously isn’t in Alec’s favor tonight. Maia still has two drinks to finish and the guy at the bar is definitely still there. Alec looks everywhere but at him while he waits, praying the dim ‘mood lighting’ of the restaurant can keep his embarrassment mostly hidden.

Jace goes back behind the bar, eyes glued curiously on Alec, and it doesn’t take him long to realize exactly where Alec is very pointedly avoiding. Jace smirks and Alec feels the panic flare up in his chest, giving him a warning glare and shaking his head, silently pleading with Jace to not do anything with the dots he just connected.

Still waiting on one last drink Alec is forced to watch in silent horror as Jace leans over to Maia and whispers in her ear. Maia looks up at him in surprise at first but then smirks.

“I will tip you out an extra 10% tonight if the two of you mind your own business,” Alec begs.

“I’m offended,” Maia says as she places the last remake on his tray. “When have I ever done anything that wasn’t entirely in your best interest?”

“15%?” He counters, ignoring her question.

“Save that money and buy the poor heartbroken guy at the bar a drink,” Maia suggests quietly dropping her voice low enough that the guy at the bar won’t overhear.

“He’s- why is he heartbroken?” Alec asks immediately, feeling conflicted over the idea. Who cares if he’s single if he’s also way out of Alec’s league?

“I’ll find out,” Maia says, and before Alec can stop her and say he doesn’t actually care enough for her to pry she’s already too far away for him to get her attention without also drawing attention to himself.

Busying himself as much as he can with every other possible thing he has to do, Alec saves his next round of drinks for last. The guy is still there, talking to Maia, and Alec has never been more concerned over a conversation he isn’t part of in his entire life.

“Maia?” he calls from the side station, and both she and the guy at the bar look over at him. His eyes are gorgeous, lined with black and tinted with shadow, and--

--and Alec’s staring. Shit.

Thankfully Maia makes her way over to hand him the two beers he needs, giving him something else to focus on.

“His name is Magnus,” she whispers. “And some coldhearted bitch broke up with him today.”

An ex-girlfriend. Not a total rule out, but not exactly helpful, and- no. No, he’s definitely not considering trying to make a move on a guy who just got dumped. That has to go against, like, every rule in the book.

“Stop. Just… it’s not going to happen. Let the poor guy sulk in peace.” And without another word Alec turns and heads back to his section.

--------------

Magnus ends up ordering an appetizer and another drink. He doesn’t know why… or maybe he does. He didn’t intend on comforting himself with a surprisingly nice conversation with Maia and shameless eye candy in the form of a waiter, but it seems to be helping, so he decides to linger a little longer despite the fact that Alec refuses to look him in the eyes.

Until he does. Magnus doesn’t have to worry about embarrassing himself with staring because now it’s Alec’s turn to be caught surveying Magnus... until Alec realizes what he’s doing and goes back to complete avoidance. Magnus sighs and takes another sip of his drink.

When Maia turns back to Magnus she catches him watching Alec walk away and levels him with a knowing gaze.

“Can I help you?” Magnus asks her when she doesn’t turn away, only continues to watch him in silent consideration.

“Not me,” she says cryptically. “But perhaps there’s someone else…”

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you could possibly be referring to,” Magnus insists, because like hell he’s about to get thrown out of an Olive Garden, borderline drunk, for harassment.

Maia only hums and goes over to whisper something to the blonde - Jace, Alec had called him - before they both snuck a not-subtle look back at Magnus.

Perhaps he should stop lingering after all.

Except Alec is back a moment later with something new to complain about. It seems innocent enough except for the fact Magnus swears Alec keeps glancing over to see if Magnus is looking, or listening. And though he keeps his gaze very intently on his phone he’s definitely listening.

“Can you believe she had the audacity to say they were in a hurry to make an 8:00 movie and then try to order a well-done steak?” Magnus overhears and glances at the time at the top of his phone screen. It’s 7:12, the restaurant is packed, and though he’s never worked in a restaurant a day in his life even he knows that’s never going to happen.

��I suppose we can’t all be blessed with kind, patient… handsome guests,” Maia says, just loud enough for Magnus to overhear, but he keeps his gaze resolutely on his phone, even as he hears Alec’s frantic whisper of “Maia!” in warning before he’s gone again.

--------------

“Just admit you think he’s hot,” Maia says, cornering Alec by the soups in the kitchen. He’s waiting for a plate of lasagna to come up in the window and really can’t leave to avoid her, not if he wants the lady with the ‘I’d like to speak to your manager’ haircut out of here before she can actually ask to speak to the manager.

“If I do will you drop this? Because yes, Maia, I think he’s hot. And that’s the end of it. He’s going to pay, and leave, and I’m going to be stuck refilling soup for at least another two hours, and then we’re never going to see each other again,” Alec snaps. He’s stressed enough with his tables and embarrassed enough from spilling those drinks everywhere that he can’t even humor the idea of flirting just then.

“Not even if I caught him staring at your ass as you walked away?” Maia offers in a sing-song voice.

Alec nearly chokes on nothing but air. “Did he really- no. No, I see what you’re doing, and it doesn’t matter.”

The lasagna comes up and Alec grabs it with his towel, taking the plate into the dining room with a smile that’s a little less fake at the idea that the guy at the bar might actually be a little bit into him, too.

--------------

Magnus is mid-sip when Alec appears to his right again, frantically waving over Maia. He’s so wrapped up in whatever it is he has going on that, Magnus notices with a hint of disappointment he’ll never admit to, he isn’t even ignoring Magnus on purpose this time, he’s just ignoring him.

“This night is my own personal hell,” Alec says.

“What is it this-” “I need two glasses of champagne for, you guessed it, another proposal. This is the third one tonight and I swear I’d have to offer up a blood sacrifice to get someone through the door tonight with the decency to tip even half of what they should for how entitled they all-” but Alec stops abruptly, looking past Maia to where Magnus sits, listening in eagerly.

He can’t help it. He’s just drawn to the sound of his voice, even if Alec is complaining just a tad too loudly about customers around, well, a customer - even though Magnus is certain he’s the only one paying him any attention. And he plans on tipping Maia very well for humoring him the past hour or so, so at least he knows he isn’t personally included in Alec’s rant.

Still, the moment Alec realizes Magnus heard all of that he falls abruptly silent.

“Anyway. Yeah. Two glasses with that stupid strawberry on it,” Alec mutters, suddenly very interested in the little order pad he holds in his hands. Magnus wonders if there’s a particular reason he seems to hate this job, or this holiday, or both, so much. He wants to ask, to get to know Alec a little better the way he had with Maia, and even Jace while the people lingering around the bar for drinks got tables and dispersed, leaving only Magnus lingering behind.

He wants to ask, but instead, he decides he should cut his losses before he gets shot down twice in one romantic holiday. Magnus isn’t sure he can handle that.

Plus, trying to flirt with someone who has to be nice to your face because they’re at work is just asking for trouble - the last thing he wants is to put the poor guy in a position where he feels like he has to act interested just to keep a customer happy. Magnus may crave some validation in his life right about then but he isn’t quite that desperate.

“I should take the check,” he says, loudly enough that Alec can rest assured Magnus will be on his way soon and no longer hovering about to distract him or eavesdrop on his conversations.

Maia nods, printing one out as she pours the champagne, dropping it in front of Magnus on her way past him to Alec. Alec takes a ring out of his pocket to put in one of the glasses and Magnus, against his better judgment, decides to grant himself one last longing glance before he leaves.

Alec decides to do the same, but even with Alec looking at him Magnus can’t help but let his gaze fall down to the ring in the glass, thinking of the ring he has waiting back in his own apartment, the one he was so sure he’d be using soon. He must look really fucking pathetic over those thoughts because the sudden look of sympathy Alec gives him is too much for Magnus to take. Yes, it’s definitely time for him to leave.

Except the moment he stands to leave he sways on his feet, entirely unaware of just how much he actually drank until he tries to move.

“Woah there,” Maia says, coming out from behind the bar to steady him. “Not to be that person, but, well-” it’s obvious she’s trying to find a nice way to say there’s no way she can legally let him go out to his car like this and Magnus spares her the trouble.

“No need. Sitting back down now,” he confirms, silently cursing himself. So much for getting out of their hair. Without another word Maia turns around to get him a water which he accepts gratefully.

There’s a high-pitched squeal of joy followed shortly by clapping. Magnus can almost picture the forced smile on Alec’s face and the exasperated eye-roll he’d seen countless times the moment his back turns to the happy couple. Then he feels a tap on his shoulder, which takes a moment for Magnus to register because he doesn’t know anyone on this side of town besides Camille, so he isn’t sure who he expects to see when he turns around.

....it certainly isn’t Alec.

--------------

Alec knows he crossed a line. Maybe two or three. Between the constant staring, the fact that he’s positive Maia and Jace have been trying to drop hints at Magnus about him all night or pry information out of him to give to Alec to use somehow, he’s positive there’s no way this ends well for him by the time Victor swings around to check in on how everything is going.

Or, worse, until Magnus takes the survey on those little table tablets and writes all about how his experience was tainted by the rude server who kept shit-talking every customer who came in through the doors. He thinks the guy is probably cool with it from some of his initial reactions but by the end of the night he seems less amused and suddenly Alec isn't so sure he can trust that gut instinct.

He has to fix this before it comes back to bite him - or worse, Maia or Jace - in the ass. Those reviews aren’t just for them, they go to corporate, and he’s seen people lose their jobs over less.

“Hey,” Alec starts, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Listen. I, uh, know you heard some of the stuff I was saying. I just wanted to say sorry. It was unprofessional, and I just- we have those stupid surveys and I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t say anything bad about Maia and the service because of me.”

This is, quite possibly, even more embarrassing than spilling an entire tray of drinks on himself, but he owes it to Maia even if she’s been annoying the entire night.

“I wasn’t even considering it,” Magnus says, and Alec’s shoulders slump in relief. “And don’t worry, I tipped your friend at least twice what my entitlement called for.”

Alec winces at the reference to his previous comment, but to his surprise Magnus is laughing. And, realizing he’s laughing, Magnus stops abruptly and looks twice as surprised as Alec.

“Sorry. I was just teasing. Honestly, I wouldn’t have the patience for a food service gig. If I were you I would’ve gotten fired around the second proposal.” Magnus pauses. “Actually, I was having a pretty shitty day and your running commentary made it a lot better. So thanks for that.”

“You’re, uh, you’re welcome,” Alec manages, because it isn’t at all how he anticipated this going. “Sorry you were having a bad day.”

“Thanks.” Magnus says. Alec knows he isn’t imagining the way Magnus’ eyes linger, the way he looks like he’s just on the brink of saying something else.

Alec wonders if he should say something else, anything else, to keep them talking. His voice sounds almost melodic and ALec never wants him to stop talking.

Unfortunately Simon comes running up to him at that exact moment. “Alec, table 34 is getting a dessert on the house and Victor has it waiting for you to take over. He’s been looking everywhere for you.”

“Better get back to the happy couple,” Magnus says instead of whatever else he may have been about to say a moment before. And just like that the moment’s gone, Magnus turns back around in his seat, and Alec is helpless to do anything other than force himself to walk back to the kitchen.

He drops the dessert off, gets coffee for another table, and tries to go about business as usual… but the entire time his mind keeps drifting back to the guy at the bar. He knows it’s stupid after making sure everything was fine to go back and risk crossing a line with a customer but he can’t help it. Alec turns and heads back out to the bar…

...only to find it empty.

Maia sees the disappointment on his face and shakes her head in disbelief. “Don’t tell me you finally decide to ask for his number after he leaves,” she says.

“No. Of course not. I was just… coming to check on you. And Jace,” Alec lies unconvincingly.

“Uh-huh,” Maia replies, sounding equally unconvinced. “So you wouldn’t be the slightest bit interested in the fact that he left his number on the back of the receipt?” Maia dangles a piece of paper up in the air expectantly, and Alec all but lunges for it. Scrawled above 10 beautiful digits is a note:

‘Hoped your friend might want this. If not, toss it and pretend this never happened for the sake of what little dignity I have left. -Magnus’

Alec beams at Maia. “I owe you!”

“After the tip he left? We’ll call it even.” Maia says with a wink.

Alec wastes no time pulling out his phone and pulling up his text messages.

A: Hey, it’s Alec. Your dignity is still very in tact.

M: Good to know.

A: Would it be too soon to ask if you’re free tomorrow tonight?

Alec hears his name being called but it only vaguely registers as he stares at the three little dots blinking at the bottom of the message in anticipation.

M: Unfortunately, I have a grand tour of ‘I-told-you-so’s tomorrow

Alec’s face falls. Maybe Magnus was just hoping for a booty call tonight, or-

M: But I can tell you all about it over coffee Sunday, if you’re free then?

Alec smiles through the breath of relief he lets out.

A: It’s a date.