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visander · 4 years ago

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Bones in the Ocean | Ao3.

This is part of the @sh-rare-pair-exchange and is a gift for @jesssssah. I hope you like it! This is also my ‘fairytale AU’ bingo square for @shadowhunterbingo.

There was one simple fact about Jace’s life. He could not live without Alec. So, when Alec was taken out into the ocean never to break the surface again, Jace knew that he had to follow him, no matter what it took to do so.

Malace, vague warnings for injuries and drowning.

Alec had been gone for about a month before Jace finally broke. For a month, Jace managed to pretend that everything was okay. He managed to close himself off, force down all his emotions, go to work everyday and be a shadowhunter, not Jace, not the man who used to be Alec’s parabatai, not a man who was missing half his heart but a shadowhunter. He was just a shadowhunter and he managed to keep that up for a month before all at once, he snapped.

All at once, he wasn’t a shadowhunter anymore. He wasn’t even Jonathan Herondale - greatest shadowhunter of their generation. He was Jace, a twelve year old boy who’d come to the Institute as an orphan, a boy who’d found solace in Alec, a boy who needed his parabatai back, no matter what the cost.

Jace knew then that he needed to get Alec back. He needed to see him again and he needed to make sure that nothing could ever separate them again. Now, he didn’t know how he could do that but he knew that he’d be willing to do anything to make it happen.

Jace dug up anything he could find of the fae. Anything that shed light on the elusive class of them that preferred to hide in the depths of the water, away from human civilization and fae civilization alike. They were the one class of fae that had their own government entirely separate from the Seelie Queen. Her influence couldn’t quite reach them under the water and apparently, they preferred it that way anyway.

This also meant that information on them was hard to come by. They rarely surfaced at all. They wrote no books Jace could read. They weren’t very forthcoming about any information regarding them whatsoever but what Jace did know from personal experience was that they could turn people, much like a vampire or werewolves could, though their ritual relied on magic rather than saliva or venom. Those who were turned weren’t as powerful as those born to the water nymph. They didn’t inherit the magic the others were born with. Turning was also very rare, hard to do and dangerous for everyone involved.

Jace didn’t manage to find out much else but that simple information was enough for Jace to wonder. Was Alec even still alive? Had he survived the transformation? If he had, what was his life like now, being so powerless compared to his new peers? Did he know how to survive by himself? Was Magnus helping him? Had the vicious nymph slaughtered him, regardless of what Magnus had promised Jace? Had Alec even survived a week?

Other things Jace thought about too. What did Alec look like now? Would Jace even recognize him? Did he look like the water nymph in the sketches Jace had found? With huge dark eyes, clawed hands and those sharp teeth that gave Jace nightmares, though he would not admit it. Did he look half as viscous as the sketches did? Did he really look like that much of a monster now?

That was all of course, if Alec had even survived the transformation. If he hadn’t, then none of those concerns were valid at all. He’d simply died in the water, probably in pain with no one who cared about him there to comfort him before he went but Jace tried to push that thought away. He had to believe Alec had survived. If he was proven wrong, Jace didn’t even know what he’d do.

If Alec had died, Jace didn’t imagine that things would ever be okay again. So, he couldn’t be dead. He simply couldn’t be but that belief didn’t help Jace when he had no clue what to do next. He needed to contact him or he needed to contact Magnus and unfortunately for Jace, he had absolutely no clue how to do that.

Asking around about the water nymph was not easy. Downworlders didn’t like shadowhunters and even if they knew something, few of them would be willing to share downworld secrets with him, especially about a species as elusive and powerful as the water nymph were. They rarely got involved in above water debacles but Jace did know there were rumors about their armies and their strength, so no one really wanted to anger them.

Jace didn’t even know if that was true. He didn’t know if they really had armies at all. He knew so little and no one at all seemed willing to help him fix that or they also knew nothing, which was almost worse. If no one knew anything, that meant there was no way Jace could get any information. That meant that he had no clue what to do and he had no plan and he had no way to even find out if Alec was alive at all.

Jace just needed to talk to him. He needed to know if Alec was okay. He couldn’t think about anything else until he did.

Jace finally got a lead a few days later. There was a faerie who apparently had close connections to the water nymph. Tracking him down was a hassle in and of itself but Jace finally found himself standing in the woods in some isolated park, weaponless as requested, feeling as if he was walking into a trap and finding it a little hard to care. He needed to find Alec. Even if he knew this was a trap, what else could he do but come and try?

Jace was jittery, looking around at every noise, waiting to have seelie weapons drawn against his throat but that didn't happen. When the faerie finally arrived, Jace looked up and simply found him standing there a few feet away. He was wearing armor with a blade across his side, looking ethereal and deadly all at once.

Jace, with his plain clothes and empty hands, felt entirely underdressed and under prepared but Jace supposed that was the point.

“Shadowhunter,” Meliorn cooed. “I hear you’re asking around about the water nymph.”

Jace took a deep breath in. “Yes, my parabatai-”

“Alexander,” Meliorn cut him off. “I’m aware of what happened with your parabatai.”

Jace didn’t ask how he knew. Word got around, he supposed but if Meliorn knew about Alec it had to mean he knew someone who had contact with him. Word had gotten from the water out somehow and Jace needed to know how.

“I need to know if he’s okay.” Meliorn’s eyes flickered up and then down Jace, frowning. “I heard you’d like to know a bit more than that. I heard you want to know how to do it.”

“It?” Jace murmured, knowing what Meliorn meant but asking anyway.

“You’d like to join him.” Meliorn said evenly. “It’s rare for a shadowhunter to be willing to undergo such a transformation. Are you sure you’d like to do it?”

“No, I’m not.” Jace snapped, his eyes flickering away. “I just… I need to know if Alec is alright and after that-” “You’ll decide if you can live without him or if you’d rather be cursed, like he is?”

Jace’s gaze sharpened into a glare. “Alec isn’t cursed.”

“He might disagree,” Meliorn murmured. “He’s alive. He survived the transformation. Magnus has been caring for him. I hear he’s grown quite fond of him.”

Instantly, Jace’s eyes snapped up. “You’ve heard from him?”

“I’ve heard from Magnus. He also told me that you should move on. He said Alec is safe and he’s adjusting and that you should adjust as well.” Meliorn stared at him for another moment longer before he kept speaking, “He’s not part of your world anymore, Jace. Trying to contact him would only make it harder for you both.”

“Alec is my parabatai.” Jace snapped. “I can’t live without him. I don’t know how.”

“And yet, you have to.”

Jace tightened his jaw in his mouth. “You won’t help me?” He asked finally.

“I think I already have. If you’re asking if I’ll help you contact him again, the answer is no.”

“Great,” Jace snapped bitterly, already turning to leave. Jace made it nearly twenty feet before he heard Meliorn call out to him, making him stop in his tracks.

“If you really want to do it, find Ragnor Fell. He’s Magnus’ oldest friend and one of the only people above water that he keeps in contact with.”

Jace spun around instantly, scanning Meliorn’s face as if to see if he was lying but Faeries couldn’t lie, could they? “Thank you,” he said finally, breathless in his disbelief.

Meliorn pressed his lips. “Don’t thank me. He probably won’t even talk to you.” Meliorn turned away before Jace could say another word.

Jace watched him leave, struggling to comprehend the fact that he had an actual clue. Alec was okay, Jace thought, repeating it to himself until the words sunk in. Alec was okay. He hadn’t died. He was alive somewhere and for now, Jace’s life was not over and thanks to Meliorn, he even had a lead.

Ragnor Fell. Jace had heard of the warlock before. He couldn’t be that hard to track down. If Jace was lucky, his address would be in the Clave’s files and it would be as easy as that to find him.

Jace, as it turns out, was not lucky. Ragnor Fell was in the Clave’s files, listed as one of the most powerful warlocks the Clave had ever worked with. His last known residency was a loft in London, one that had been long abandoned. He had no known address on file, only a small annotation that read ‘seen last in New York- 1997.’ There was a little blurb about him owning a club in New York but that wasn’t as helpful as knowing where the warlock lived.

Jace had to hold back a sigh as he read it and then searched through the system again, hoping maybe there was more information filed under something else that would help him. There wasn’t.

Jace finally spun away from the monitor, jumping as he came face to face Isabelle, who had clearly seen what he’d been searching for. “Ragnor Fell?” She demanded. “What the hell do you want with such a powerful warlock?”

Jace froze for a moment, not even able to come up with an excuse. “It’s nothing,” he said before he was pushing past her.

“Nothing?” She echoed, darting after him. “Jace, I know you’re looking for Alec,” She snapped when Jace refused to slow down.

“No, I’m not,” Jace said simply.

Isabelle reached out and grabbed his arm, forcing him to a halt. “Yes, you are. You’ve been asking everyone how to get a hold of Magnus. You didn’t think I'd hear?”

Jace turned to her, frowning. “So, what if I am?” He said at last.

“So what?” She snapped, appalled. “Jace we were told not to contact him. It was part of the deal. They don't like shadowhunters. You could be putting him in danger.”

It had been part of the deal. Magnus had told them that if he took Alec, he didn’t want any other shadowhunters bothering him again but how could Jace just move on? “I don’t think I am putting him in danger,” Jace said finally.

“What do you mean?” Isabelle asked cautiously.

“Magnus has been taking care of Alec. He likes him. He’s grown fond of him. Magnus isn’t going to hurt Alec.” Jace turned away from her, heading down the hallway towards the supply room.

After a second, Isabelle darted after him. “Ragnor?” She questioned simply.

“He’s Magnus’ oldest friend. He’s the only one Magnus keeps in contact with up here,” Jace explained as he walked into the room, darting over instantly to the weapon’s rack, where he snatched up a blade and started to head towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Isabelle asked behind him.

Jace paused for a moment, turning back to look at her. “Ragnor used to own this club downtown. He hasn’t been seen there in years but someone might know where he is.”

Isabelle hesitated for a second before she grabbed her own weapon off the shelf. “Fine, I’m coming with you,” She said, heading past him and starting to go out the door without another word.

“Are you sure?” Jace asked, as he followed her outside. “It’s not only going against what Magnus said,” Jace reminded her. “It’s going against Clave orders.”

“I’m sure, Jace,” she said and Jace could do nothing but nod in response. Secretly, he was a little relieved to not be going alone. He was so used to doing everything with Alec. Having to do everything alone was one of the hardest parts of him being gone.

He was used to being two parts of a whole and now, it was just him, trying to find his other half again.

The pandemonium was as full as Jace imagined it always was on a Friday night, being that it was the most popular downworlder club in New York. Jace made his way through the people towards the bar after splitting up with Izzy, both of them agreeing to do what they do best - flirt and try to find information. Though, normally on a mission like this, Alec would be there watching from somewhere, waiting to jump in if they encountered trouble.

It made his absence all the more obvious, not as if Jace had been able to think of anything else since Alec had been gone. Jace settled at the bar, ordered a drink to look casual and then started smiling at people, flirting, dropping Ragnor’s name when he thought he could without raising any red flags but if anyone did know how to contact Ragnor, no one was very forthcoming.

On the outside, Jace knew he looked at ease. He knew it looked like his attention was on everyone around him but in reality, Jace’s mind was only on one person and he was reliving one thing in his head, no matter how much he tried to push it away and focus on the task at hand.

He was thinking about Alec. He was thinking about what had happened to him. He was thinking about what Meliorn had said about his parabatai being cursed and he was thinking about that awful day that they’d lost him, the last day Jace had seen him.

It had been a simple mission, a deceptively simple mission. They’d been trying to chase down a couple of Shax Demons that had popped up on their sensors. It had been a little odd how the demons had clustered in the same area and showed up at the exact same time but they didn’t really question it before they set out to find them. Either way, they needed to kill the demons.

They’d found themselves in a graveyard, a small one Jace had never been to before despite living in this city for most of his life. One of the demons had popped out. Alec had taken it down with one arrow and that was supposed to be how the rest of the mission went. Simple. Easy. Kill them and get out but when they finally made their way towards the back of the cemetery, they’d seen something they were entirely unprepared for.

They’d seen a rift and without a warlock present, they had no way to close it. They could only fight the demons that kept spilling out. Izzy called the Institute. Alec and Jace kept fighting, trying to hold them back until enforcements got there and hopefully, a warlock as well but then, the unthinkable had happened.

A demon had dived at Alec and Alec, with his attention on a demon that was going towards Jace, hadn’t noticed. The demon had tackled him and before Jace could even blink, Alec had disappeared with the demon into the rift.

A warlock finally came. They closed the rift. Jace raced back to the Institute, clutching his parabatai rune. He could tell Alec was alive still but he was so hurt and they had no clue where he was. The Institute finally got the call that Alec had popped out of a rift that had opened on the sea coast. Alec, already injured from the demon attack, had fallen nearly twenty feet before he’d hit the sand.

Jace wasn’t quite sure what happened after that. He wasn’t there and he couldn’t convince a warlock to open a portal for him on such short notice. Magnus Bane had been there, somehow. He’d come to check out the rift so close to his ocean and he’d seen Alec, a crumpled bloodied mess on the ground.

All of Alec’s bones had been broken. Even with all the help the Institute could get him, Alec would not survive and then, something Jace still didn’t understand happened. Magnus offered to take Alec. He offered to change him and either Alec would die during the transformation or he would become one of them, stronger with Magnus’ magic, healthier, more vicious, never to leave the ocean again, never to again be human or nephilim, never to speak to Jace or any of them again.

It was part of the rules when things like that happened. If a nephilim became a vampire, they were not to talk to them again. If a nephilim became one of them, well the same rules applied along with the fact that the water nymph did not like them, would not tolerate communication between them and lived in the ocean, so far disconnected from modern forms of communication like the cell phone.

Magnus had offered to turn Alec only if he would not have to deal with any other shadowhunters again. He made it clear Alec would not be worth his effort, if he was going to be cursed having to deal with nephilim for the rest of his life. If any of them contacted him about Alec again, Magnus would simply kill him and move on.

But how was Jace supposed to do that? How could he possibly move on and leave Alec behind, especially now that he knew Alec was alive? Besides, Jace was kind of banking on what Meliorn had said. Magnus was fond of Alec. He was protecting him and keeping him safe. Surely, he wouldn’t kill him just because Jace tried to contact him, right?

Jace was jolted out of his thoughts when someone stepped in front of him. It was a warlock, Jace recognized instantly. The warlock had horns and skin that could have been off colored but Jace couldn’t tell in the flashing colored lights of the club. Finally, the lights flashed white for a moment and Jace could see the emerald green skin.

“I hear you’re walking around my club bothering all my patrons to try and find me,” Ragnor posed, looking exceptionally unimpressed. “Find your sister and follow me. I’ll give you five minutes if it will make you never contact me again.”

Before Jace could say anything, Ragnor turned and was heading towards a room in the back of the club.

“What do you want?” Ragnor snapped, sounding as if he was already reaching his limit with the situation at hand.

Jace started speaking instantly. He wasn't going to push his luck with pleasantries.“I need to contact Magnus Bane. I hear you know how.” Ragnor eyed him, not looking any more impressed with Jace’s explanation. After a second Jace kept speaking, “My parabatai, he-”

“I know who your parabatai is.” Ragnor said before sighing, turning away from them both to head towards a drink cart Jace saw in the corner.

“I need to talk to him,” Jace insisted.

Ragnor peered at him, pouring a drink without looking at it. “Magnus told all of you not to contact him.”

“I know but-”

“What do you want Magnus to do anyway?” Ragnor continued. “You know your parabatai survived. What, do you just want to meet up and have a chit chat about life? There’s no reason for you to have to contact Magnus. Your parabatai is in a different world now. You knew that when you agreed to have him changed. Trying to contact him isn’t going to do anything but make it harder for you both.”

At that, Jace hesitated and after a moment, Ragnor’s eyes widened just a fraction. “Magnus isn’t going to change you too.” He snapped, sounding shocked Jace would even consider it.

Next to him, Isabelle finally seemed to find her voice. “He doesn’t want to be changed,” she said confidently before turning to Jace and seeing just how unconfident he looked.

“Why wouldn’t he?” Jace asked quietly, ignoring what Isabelle said all together. “He was willing to do it for Alec.”

“Jace-” Isabelle snapped, looking horrified. Jace ignored her and kept his eyes fixed on Ragnor.

“Yes well, Magnus has a soft heart for shadowhunters who are bleeding out on his beach. You are decidedly not bleeding out and you don’t know what you’re asking for anyway. It’s a painful transformation, one you probably wouldn’t survive, one your parabatai almost didn’t.” Ragnor stared at him for another moment before he sighed, placing his drink down. “It must be… hard losing him-” Ragnor said, sounding as if he was trying to find a single sympathetic bone in his body and struggling. “But Magnus isn’t just going to change you because you’d like it. That’s exactly why he hesitated in doing it to Alec- he didn’t want all of you bothering him.”

“I’d just like to talk to Magnus once.” Jace murmured softly. “If he tells me no, I’ll move on,” Jace said, only half meaning it. There was no moving on from Alec but if Magnus did say no, what other choice would he have?

“I’ll ask him and I’ll let you know.” Ragnor said at last, “But I wouldn’t expect an answer other than no.” Ragnor waved his hands towards them both. “Get out of my club before I change my mind and don’t ask at all.”

Jace hesitated for a brief moment before Isabelle reached out and grabbed his hand, starting to gently pull him towards the door. It was only outside in the cold crisp air that Isabelle spoke again. “You can’t really want to join him, Jace?” She asked softly.

For a moment, Jace kept walking, ignoring her. At last, he snapped, “Of course, I do. He’s my parabatai, Izzy. ‘For whither thou goest, I shall go’ and he had just-” Jace broke off with a shaky breath.

“He had just told you that he was in love with you,” Isabelle finished softly. “He told me.”

Jace stopped in his tracks, his hands clenched into fists at his side. “I didn’t react right. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t tell him that I loved him too and now, he’s gone.”

Isabelle sighed softly. “That’s a big choice, Jace. You’d be leaving everything you’ve ever known behind.”

“Except Alec.”

They stared at each other for a moment before they both started walking again, in silence.

Ragnor’s answer came the next day in the form of a short fire message. “He said yes. He’ll meet you at the dock near the Los Angeles Institute at midnight tonight. If you’re late, he will not see you again.”

Isabelle said she’d come with him, though Jace tried to convince her otherwise. Magnus was centuries old. He had a greater demon’s blood and he was one of the most powerful beings the Clave had on record. If Magnus did not like them, this could go bad very easily but Isabelle insisted she’d come. This was about Alec. Of course, she’d come. Besides, she told Jace if he ended up not coming back, she wanted to be there to say goodbye.

How could Jace argue with that?

The meeting spot Bane had requested was isolated enough to make it a hassle to get to without a portal but at last, they managed to find the right spot. It was an isolated dock that Jace wouldn’t quite describe as close to the Los Angeles Institute. It was more vaguely near, if you considered a couple miles of nothing as near.

Regardless, they made it there only a little late. Ragnor’s words about not being late rang through Jace’s head but Magnus wouldn’t really leave because they were a few minutes late, would he? They walked out onto the dock and both of them, even with their most important runes lit, almost missed the fact that there was a man standing on the dock, looking out at the ocean, as still as if he’d been a statue.

They both froze a couple of yards away. Isabelle’s hand snapped to her whip. Jace reached for his blade but didn’t pull it out yet. For a moment, it almost seemed as if the man hadn’t heard them and them, he turned and peered across them both only looking mildly interested.

Jace knew at once that this was Magnus Bane. It could be no one else. His cat eyes cut through the darkness sending a chill down Jace’s spine. The man was nearly naked and not seeming to find that fact disturbing one bit. For a moment, Jace was thankful he could only just make out the shape of Bane’s body. He couldn’t get distracted. Not now. This was about Alec.

“Bane,” Jace called, knowing it was him but needing some kind of confirmation. Bane was a water nymph and yet, he stood here, his body more human than not, his scales mostly gone, his fingers twisted, humanish in the light and his legs.

Jace had heard rumors that the sons of greater demons could do what the rest of the water nymph could not - they could shift and move to walk among the humans but Jace had always assumed it was rumor. Apparently, he’d been mistaken.

“Lightwoods,” Bane called over, sounding unimpressed with them already. “You’re late.”

“We had a hard time finding you-” Jace started but Magnus waved him off before he could keep going. Jace fell silent instantly and that seemed to make Magnus smirk in the darkness.

“Oh, you’re obedient. What a pleasant surprise.”

Jace stayed silent and he wasn’t even sure why. Magnus had told him to be quiet, more or less, and he wasn’t going to speak and mess up whatever chance he had at seeing Alec again. Jace told himself that was the only reason why but in the back of his head, he knew it was something else too.

Magnus was commanding. He held himself with such confidence that even Jace paled in comparison to. It was hard to not want to listen to him, that and the fact that he was unnerving, scary in the way that monsters who appeared human were.

Magnus’ eyes flickered to Isabelle at last. “You can go,” he stated simply.

Instantly, Isabelle started to protest. “I’m not leaving him here alone.”

Magnus’ eyes flickered to Jace and then back to Isabelle once more. “I wasn’t asking,” He said mildly. “You can see him again when we’re done talking. I’d like to speak to him in private.” Isabelle opened her mouth to protest again but Magnus raised a finger, silencing her. “Or, I can just leave,” He threatened.

“Go, Izzy,” Jace said without looking over.

They stood for a tense moment before Izzy finally turned and started walking off the dock, leaving Jace and Magnus completely alone. Jace was happy that Isabelle left without a fight. He knew she didn’t want to leave him. Truthfully, being alone with someone as powerful as Magnus made Jace nervous but it was better than Magnus leaving and Jace having no chance of seeing Alec ever again.

Magnus eyed Jace for a moment before he turned to face the ocean like he had been when they’d first walked up. “Come,” he murmured softly.

For a moment, Jace was surprised Magnus would turn his back on someone who stood there armed but that also meant Magnus knew he had nothing to worry about. Jace wouldn’t be able to hurt him and besides, Magnus had Alec. Jace wouldn’t hurt him, even if he could.

Jace eased his hand off his weapon and walked forward, until he stood a few feet away from Magnus, his body tense all over. Magnus was completely naked, Jace could see this close. He put his eyes pointedly forward, watching the waves crash out on the dark ocean.

“You’re human,” Jace said finally, unable to stop himself from saying it.

“No,” Magnus murmured. “I’m not. I just look it.”

“Could Alec-”

“No,” Magnus said simply before the hope could grow in Jace’s voice. “He couldn’t. The transformation is permanent. He isn’t like me.”

“Oh,” Jace whispered, unable to keep the disappointment out of his voice. If Alec could look human again, that could change everything. Jace could come here and they could visit. Alec could talk to him. Alec could walk up on the beach and tell Jace all about what he’d been doing recently but that was just a fantasy. Alec was stuck, with literally an ocean keeping them apart.

“Why did you want to meet me, after I explicitly told you not to contact me?” Magnus spoke mildly but there was a twist in his words that reminded Jace he’d already disobeyed him by asking him to come here at all and yet, Magus had come to meet him.

“Meliorn told me you were fond of Alec. I was hoping you wouldn’t really hurt him.”

“That’s not a reason. That’s a justification.” Magnus turned to look at him and Jace found that his eyes were almost hypnotizing this close. “Why did you want to talk to me?”

Jace swallowed, his throat suddenly incredibly tight. He thought about telling him he wanted to ask how Alec was. He thought about telling him that he needed to know that Alec was okay. He thought about asking him to tell Alec that he loved him and that he was sorry he ever hesitated in saying it back.

That was all true but that wasn’t really what Jace was hoping to get out of this. “I want you to take me too.” Jace said, something pleading breaking out in his voice. “I want to be with Alec. I can’t live without him. I want to come too.”

The moment Jace said it, Magnus’ entire face softened. He stared at Jace and in the pale moonlight, he almost looked sorry for him. “Ragnor told me you wanted to do it but I didn’t believe him. Most shadowhunters would choose death over a life in the ocean.”

“I’d choose a life in the ocean over living without Alec,” Jace said and there wasn’t even a flicker of hesitation. He even surprised himself with how sure of it he was. He hadn’t wanted to admit it to Meliorn. He hadn’t wanted to admit it to Ragnor or Izzy but it was true. He wasn’t just thinking about it. He didn’t just want to make sure Alec was okay. He wanted to go with him more than anything. He needed to go with him.

For a beat, Magnus eyed him as if fully taking him in for the first time. Finally, he looked back up to Jace’s face and though nothing in his expression had changed, Jace got the impression he was pleased. “You’re lucky you’re cute and not as incredibly annoying as you seemed when you were asking about me to anyone who would listen.”

Jace didn’t know how he knew he’d been asking around about him, nor did he ask. He didn’t want to risk suddenly appearing annoying and having Magnus change his mind. “So, you’ll do it?” Jace asked, half in disbelief.

Magnus raised an eyebrow, “You do realize there’s a great chance you won’t survive. I’m surprised your parabatai did. I had to do a lot to keep him alive. The chances of both of you managing to survive is slim.”

Jace nodded. “I know.”

For a moment, Magnus kept eyeing him, as if he was waiting to see any hesitation, any glimmer that showed Jace did not want to do this. Instead, he saw nothing. Magnus turned back towards the ocean, letting out a soft sigh.

“Go say goodbye then,” Magnus said.

Jace turned and started walking down the dock towards Isabelle before Magnus changed his mind completely.

Jace had almost expected Isabelle to try to talk him out of it but she didn’t. They’d both come here knowing that if Jace was given the chance to join Alec, he would. He loved Alec more than anyone in the entire world and if Alec was somewhere, Jace had to go with him. The fact that Isabelle had ever been surprised he’d wanted that was shocking in and of itself.

Isabelle didn’t try to talk him out of it. She didn’t even comment. She just hugged him tight for a moment and then, she let him go. They both knew they wouldn’t see each other again. The ocean was vast and after Jace changed, if he even survived, they would speak entirely different languages. Jace was leaving her behind here but Alec had already left them and Jace had always been Alec’s anyway.

“I love you,” he murmured as he let go.

She nodded, looking as if she was trying hard to keep the water out of her eyes as she responded. “I love you too,” she murmured. “Take care of him.”

Jace nodded and after a moment, he turned away from her. Shadowhunters didn’t say goodbye and though Jace wouldn’t be a shadowhunter soon, he wasn’t about to break that trend. Saying goodbye would almost be like tempting fate to make him not survive this and he needed to survive this.

Alec would blame himself forever if Jace didn’t, so there was no other option. He needed to survive. He needed to join him. He couldn’t let Alec do this alone.

Jace walked down the dock until he met Magnus, where he stilled. Jace hoped Isabelle had started to walk away already. She didn’t need to see whatever would happen now. Jace didn’t even know what would happen now. Would Magnus do it here on the dock? Would he drag him to the bottom of the ocean?

Magnus turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow. “Are you ready?” He murmured.

When Jace nodded, he frowned, his eyes flicking up and then down Jace. “I do hope you survive,” Magnus said at last. “You’ll make a pretty one.”

Jace didn’t even have a chance to respond to that before Magnus grabbed him, his grip tight on Jace’s upper arm as he pushed him and then, the world disappeared in a blur of dark blue. Jace was suddenly freezing. For some reason, he hadn’t expected the water to be so cold.

Something moved in front of him and the dark figure made Jace flinch, his shadowhunter instincts yelling at him to find a weapon, to get out of the water where he’d be able to defend himself more easily but after a moment, Jace’s eyes focused on what the figure actually was and his heart started pounding in his chest.

It was Alec. He looked nothing like Jace remembered him but it was him. Jace would recognize him anywhere and he was suddenly ashamed that he’d ever questioned if he would or not. He was huge, which probably shouldn’t have surprised Jace as much as it did. Alec had always been big as a shadowhunter. He’d been bulky and tall and his form now was even more so.

His scales were dark blue and in the water, Jace could just barely see the way they shimmered in the pale moonlight- flickering in light blue, touches of green, turning his body from a dark almost black blue to a cascade of different hues. He had claws now too, long dark spikes that came off his webbed fingers into claws sharp enough that they looked like they’d stab right through Jace, if Alec wanted to do so.

He looked dangerous and terrifying and he looked like Alec. His eyes flashed across Jace and Jace could see that same concern in them that he saw when he got hurt and Alec was there, trying to save him. Jace saw something else moving and it took him a moment to realize it was Magnus. He’d changed now and he looked so entirely different from how he’d looked a moment before, on land.

He was so different from Alec. His scales were bright gold even in the dark, shimmering in hues of red as he moved. His eyes glowed bright in the water and he moved like a blur around Alec, leaving Jace to only see the flash of his tail before he’d moved out of sight again.

Alec darted forward suddenly, pressing his cold mouth against Jace’s. Jace was startled for a moment. Of course, he wanted Alec to kiss him but he was surprised that was his first reaction. Then, he felt Alec pushing air into his lungs and Jace realized what Alec was doing.

Jace was drowning. He was trying to stop Jace from drowning.

Alec grabbed Jace as he pulled away, being careful not to stab Jace with his claws as he did so. He moved like he was going to pull Jace to the surface but Magnus was suddenly there again, grabbing Alec to stop him and chattering in some language Jace did not understand. Whatever Magnus said came out in a series of chirps and noises. Jace wondered if Alec had understood him instinctively when he was turned or if he’d had to learn their language.

Jace had never been fantastic at languages. That had always been Alec’s thing.

Alec pulled away from Jace, looking angry. He seemed to argue with Magnus about something for a moment before Jace felt Magnus grab him and start pulling him down, leaving the pale light from above to start disappearing as they sank.

Alec froze for a moment and then, he darted after them, following them as they went to the bottom.

It was just about then that Jace realized his lungs had started to burn. He was drowning, he realized after a second and this time, Alec was not there to push air into his lungs. Jace didn’t know why he was surprised by that. He’d kind of expected that he’d just change before he had to feel this awful choking feeling but that apparently wasn’t the case because even when they stopped going down, neither Magnus or Alec did anything about the fact that Jace couldn’t breath.

Alec just hovered, looking exceptionally concerned as he made circles around Jace’s drowning body, looking like he wanted desperately to do something to help him but couldn’t.

Jace passed out at some point and when he woke up again, the only thing he could feel was pain. His whole body was lit in pain and that horrible feeling was still burning his lungs. He felt like he was so far past drowning. He felt like he should be dead by now but he wasn’t.

It was a few moments later that Jace started breathing, somehow. He could feel himself doing it in the water but he couldn’t even think about how because everything suddenly hurt so bad that Jace couldn't think of anything else. It felt like all his bones were breaking and it felt like his skin was being torn off but eventually, the pain subsided and when Jace opened his eyes an unknowable amount of time later, everything was different.

At first, Jace didn’t notice that he was different. He noticed that everything around him was different. The ocean, which before had looked like nothing but dark shapes, was lit in a way Jace had never seen before. The light wasn’t actually coming from anywhere but Jace could just see through the darkness now. He could see every particle floating through the water and every small creature fluttering by. He could see the rocks and the grains of sand at the bottom of the ocean. He could see to the water line far above and the warmth.

The water had been freezing when Magnus had pulled him in but now, it felt like a warm bath. It felt like it was the perfect temperature to live in forever and when Jace finally looked down at himself, he realized why. Suddenly, he remembered exactly what happened and he realized for a startling second that he was breathing in the water.

Which made sense, considering that when Jace looked down, he had a tail. It wasn’t as bright as Magnus’ or as dark as Alec’s but instead, it was somewhere in between. Jace’s scales almost looked like Magnus’ gold scales except they were muted, shimmering more in hues of silver and green instead of the bright red of Magnus’ own.

It was beautiful, he thought for a moment but he still didn’t quite feel like that could possibly be him but when he moved, his tail flicked softly and he knew that he was undoubtedly looking at himself.

The moment he moved, he saw a flash of movement next to him and before he even registered that someone was there, he was looking up at Alec. Alec’s eyes were wide and frantic, flicking over him as if he was expecting to see an injury that it didn’t seem like Jace had.

Alec’s mouth opened and he was speaking suddenly. Jace could hear two things happening at once, he could hear the individual sounds that Alec was making, the clicking noises that Jace had heard before, the sounds that had sounded like nothing meaningful at the time but now, Jace could understand him. He didn’t even know how but he could.

“Are you okay?” Alec asked and even though it sounded so different from english, Jace could hear that same alert tone in Alec’s voice that Jace was so used to.

Jace opened his mouth but english words couldn’t seem to find their way out. He fumbled for a moment before Magnus was there at the other side of Alec, speaking softly, “He’s fine. It’s going to take a while for him to be able to speak,” he said, seeming as if he was reminding Alec of that fact. “Remember you?” Magnus asked.

Alec nodded but his eyes didn’t move off Jace. Finally, Alec darted forward and Jace felt Alec’s arms wrap around him. Their tails curled together and Jace felt Alec huff what sounded like a laugh in Jace’s ear.

“I’d have killed you if you died trying to come to me,” Alec murmured to him.

If Jace knew how to speak, he’d have told Alec that he should have always expected Jace to follow him but he didn’t know how to say it, so he just held Alec closer, trying hard to be aware of the talons he now had and not dig them into Alec’s side. If he could have, he’d have told Alec that he loved him too but he couldn’t, so Jace could do nothing but let it wait.

After a few moments, Magnus said they should go home and then, Alec pulled away and Jace got to learn how to swim for the first time.

‘Home’ it turns out was a cave. It was a nice cave admittedly, but still a cave and still very different from anything Jace had ever considered a home before. There was coral growing all around the outside of the cave along with other plants that looked like they had been intentionally placed there. Long flowing strings of seaweed obscured the entrance but they really looked more decorative than truly placed there to hide the cave.

Inside, it was even more intentionally decorated. Jace looked around and found shells. He found pretty, intricate looking gems and stones. There were glass containers pressed into the crevasse of the rocks, containing some things Jace recognized - vampire fangs, feathers - and some he didn’t. There were some human things too.

There was a small row boat pressed into a corner, almost looking like a bed. There was a net hanging across part of the ceiling, swaying gently in the water like a hammock in the wind. Jace could see live fish caught in another smaller net, fluttering around as they attempted feebly to escape.

There were lights here too, lit with some force Jace didn't know of. There were glowing stones across the walls and they reminded Jace of witch lights, something that comforted him and reminded him of home all at once.

Alec didn’t let Jace look around for too long before he was pulling Jace and pushing him gently into the boat, telling him that he needed to rest. Jace sank into the boat without much protest. He wasn’t that good at swimming anyway, especially not if he didn’t have Alec by his side to help him.

Besides, Jace was exhausted. Jace relaxed into the boat and let himself close his eyes, well aware of the fact that Alec was hovering around him anxiously, keeping a close eye on him as if he expected Jace to disappear.

Even that anxious vibe that Alec gave off was comforting. Jace didn’t think he’d ever feel Alec stress him out again.

It was apparent to Jace rather instantly that before he’d arrived, Alec and Magnus’ relationship hadn’t been strictly platonic and now that Jace was there, neither of them seemed to know where they stood. Neither of them said this to Jace but Jace could just tell and suddenly, Meliorn’s words of Magnus being fond of Alec rang a little differently in Jace’s head.

Jace wanted to say something about it. He wanted to talk to Alec and tell him that he loved him but that if he’d moved on, Jace was happy just being with Alec again but his ability to express himself wasn’t quite on par with saying that.

He understood Alec and Magnus instinctively and some part of him knew how to answer them too but trying to actually get the sounds out of his mouth was a hard and difficult process. Apparently, Alec had taken to the language much more easily, which Jace wasn’t really surprised by.

Jace had always gotten praise because he was more flashy than Alec and he excelled at catching everyone’s attention but Alec was always innately more skilled than Jace was, he just kept it to himself. It was only ever people like Izzy and him that noticed but here, the difference was apparent.

Even so, Jace didn’t find himself annoyed by it. He’d thought he’d lost Alec for so long and if it was Alec’s time to outshine him, then Jace was fine fumbling as he tried to speak, as long as Alec would stay with him while he did.

Jace didn’t actually find the words to try to talk to Alec for a few weeks.

Jace was eased into things like he was a baby. Magnus caught his food for him. Magnus showed him how to eat it. Magnus corrected him when Jace swam wrong. Magnus snapped at him when he strayed too close to something dangerous or too far away from him and Alec at all.

Alec himself seemed more than comfortable hovering around Jace and swimming slow circles around him that Jace couldn’t do if he tried, while Magnus did the actual teaching. It occurred to Jace that Alec might not actually know what was dangerous and what wasn’t yet, that or he just referred to Magnus’ judgement anyway.

The three of them had fallen into some kind of hierarchy and Magnus was undoubtedly at the top. When they went out, they went where Magnus brought them. They listened when Magnus spoke. If they came across others (which had only happened once and apparently did not happen often), Magnus was the one that spoke for them.

Magnus was bigger than them and more powerful and far more knowledgeable and that was a comfortable thing to fall into. Jace could see that Alec liked having someone who took care of everything for them and handled all of the important stuff. On the surface, Alec had always had so much on his plate and it must be rather nice now having someone else who took that role. Jace didn’t really mind it either. He’d always been strong headed and even with Alec but here, it was nice that Magnus corralled them like they were children. The structure felt nice in a world that was so foreign, even if Jace really wanted to touch the spiky thing just to see what would happen.

If there was anymore of a hierarchy beyond Magnus being at the top, it was certainly Alec and then Jace. Magnus would ask Alec’s opinion sometimes. They would have discussions that Jace was never involved in and he had the feeling that even when he was able to talk, he wouldn’t be but he wasn’t offended.

He was at the bottom but that came with a freedom that Jace breathed in as easily as his new gills pulled air from the water. Magnus and Alec took care of everything. Jace was safe and he could dart after fish and try to catch them (a task that Magnus did very easily, Alec was good at and Jace hadn’t quite mastered yet) and be dragged back like a child when he got too close to the drop off only Magnus ever seemed to venture into.

He was at the bottom but that was a comfortable place to be. He was taken care of and for once in his life, Jace let himself accept that. He’d never really been taken care of before. He’d never really let himself be but he was learning fast that it was a nice feeling.

In the end, it wasn’t actually Jace who broached the topic of their relationship. Jace had been planning on waiting a little bit longer before he tried to talk to Alec about it but when Alec brought it up, Jace couldn’t exactly tell Alec to wait until he could say more complex things.

It was one of the times Magnus was gone that Alec finally said it. He’d gone out to look for something he was out of, leaving Jace and Alec home alone in the cave. Alec had been folding seaweed, making a little rug out of it that Jace had seen them use like a basket. Truthfully, Jace didn’t think they needed any more of them and the ones they had looked better than the one Alec was making but maybe, Alec just liked having something to do. Jace himself was perfectly content curling against Alec's side, watching him maneuver his claws and trying not to cut the seaweed as he did.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” Alec said at last, not even looking up from his task. “Before,” he murmured softly. “It’s okay if you don’t love me but I meant it and I’m glad to have said it but I’m sorry if it upset you.”

It took Jace a second to even process Alec’s words and then, even after he did he wasn’t sure how to respond. He knew what he wanted to say but he didn’t know how in the world to go about saying it, so before he could possibly overthink it, say nothing and react even worse than he had last time, Jace started speaking. “You didn’t,” Jace snapped frantically.

Alec paused and looked over to him, a small frown coming across his dark, scale flaked face as he waited for Jace to continue.

“Upset me.” Jace said, only recalling how to say it because Alec just had. “You didn’t upset me,” Jace repeated, finally stringing his thought together into a full sentence. Jace frowned himself, fully expecting Alec to cut him off as he struggled to find the words but Alec didn’t, he just waited and Jace was thankful for it.

Jace looked up to meet Alec’s eyes again, “I love you too,” he murmured. “I just didn’t-” Jace shook his head, frustrated. “I was scared,” he started again, scraping his unfinished sentence completely. “But I love you,” Jace repeated, hoping if Alec heard anything in his mangled words that he’d hear that.

Alec’s eyes were wide and soft. He looked away, not exactly looking disappointed but more shocked, as if the world had shifted in a direction he hadn’t expected and he didn’t quite know how to process it. Jace understood the feeling.

“Magnus?” Jace posed simply.

Alec slowly looked up to him. “Do you like Magnus?” Alec posed simply in response.

Of course, Jace liked Magnus. Magnus took care of them. Magnus saved Alec. Magnus reunited them by taking Jace too and besides, Jace did like Magnus even personally. Jace liked watching Magnus. Jace liked doing stuff Magnus didn’t like him to do, just so Magnus would roll his eyes and stop him. Jace liked how easy on Alec Magnus was and he liked how Magnus always seemed to know what not to say to Alec, to avoid pressing all those insecure buttons that other people had always seemed to press so easily.

Similarly, Jace liked how soft on him Magnus was too. Jace was still testing that boundary with Magnus but so far, Magnus never seemed honestly annoyed with him. He was always lighthearted about it, even when what Jace was doing probably was annoying to a centuries old all-powerful being but Magnus never lashed out at him and he ever seemed to get aggravated with Jace, not really.

But even besides all that, Jace knew that wasn’t what Alec was asking. Alec knew Jace liked Magnus. It was obvious but he was asking if Jace liked Magnus and the truth was, Jace wasn’t sure.

Magnus was beautiful. He was charming and he was fun to be around. He certainly flirted with Jace enough to indicate that he was interested but… it was obvious that Alec and Magnus were drawn to each other. Certainly, Magnus couldn’t really be interested in him too? That’s just how Magnus was. He flirted where others would normally do anything else.

“Does Magnus like me?” Jace asked instead of answering.

For a second, a brief almost amused smile flickered across Alec's face and then, someone else was speaking from behind them.

“Smooth way to avoid the question,” Magnus called over. “I haven’t peaked your interest yet?” He asked, half flirtatious and half joking. He raised an eyebrow and at once, Jace wanted to point and exclaim that that was why he didn’t believe Magnus was ever actually interested in him.

Magnus flirted with Alec too sure but Magnus also leaned close to Alec. He’d touch him softly and murmur to him. With Jace, Magnus only ever did this - he’d flirt, always half joking, never completely giving Jace any reason to think he meant it.

“You’re joking,” Jace snapped, his tone flat.

Instantly, the smirk on Magnus’ face disappeared.

“You never flirt with me like you do Alec.” Jace continued. “You’re always kidding.”

For a moment, neither Alec nor Magnus responded and then, Magnus opened his mouth, looking confused. “I’m not kidding,” he said softly. “Have you thought I’ve been kidding?”

Jace had the urge to deny it suddenly and avoid the embarrassment but after a second of hesitation, he nodded.

Magnus looked astonished. “I wasn’t kidding,” he insisted. “I just-” Magnus gestured over to Alec. “I knew Alec was interested, Jace. We talked about it before you came.” Magnus paused for a moment, frowning. “I didn’t know if you were or not and with you here, I wasn’t exactly sure if I was being cut out.” Jace stared, his mind struggling to process exactly what Magnus was trying to say. “So, you weren’t kidding?” Jace asked at last.

Magnus' expression flickered in an amused smile but there was something a little… self conscious beneath that. “I wasn’t kidding,” he confirmed.

“Oh,” Jace said, struggling to come up with a response.

“Disappointed?” Magnus asked, his lips quirking like it was a joke even though he didn’t seem to find it amusing.

“No,” Jace said hastily. “Surprised,” he insisted instead. They both stared at each other and after a pathetically long moment, it occurred to Jace that Magnus was scared Jace didn’t like him. He thought that somehow, Jace didn’t like him. “I’m not kidding either,” Jace said, which didn’t really make sense because up until now, Jace hadn’t really said anything at all, let alone something that Magnus might mistake as a joke but Magnus seemed to understand what he was saying anyway.

Magnus nodded slowly, “And… you two?” He asked, glancing between them.

Jace looked to Alec. “Not kidding?” He asked after a moment.

Alec huffed a soft, chipped laugh. “Not kidding,” he assured.

For the moment, it seemed it was as simple as that and there really wasn’t anything else to say until Magnus finally spoke again. “Well, let’s go,” Magnus said, turning towards the entrance of the cave that he’d come from a few moments before. “You’re finally going to catch a fish,” Magnus called over his shoulder.

Jace groaned softly before following, as Alec laughed an adorable, distinctly inhuman sound behind him.

Jace’s new life was easier to fall into than he’d expected it would be. He thought it would be a struggle all the way through and while some things were, even the struggles came easier than Jace had expected. Jace struggled to speak but neither Magnus nor Alec rushed him to get better at it any quicker than he did, so it didn’t seem like it was that big of a problem. Jace sucked at catching fish and he wasn’t stellar at swimming but Magnus caught them food and besides laughing at Jace’s attempts to be as elegant as Magnus was in the water, they didn’t rush him on that either.

Similarly, Magnus and Alec were easier to fall into than Jace had expected. With assurance that Jace was in fact interested, Magnus was more blunt with his flirting. He’d lean into Jace like he did Alec. He’d brush Jace’s golden wispy hair back and he’d press kisses onto Jace’s cheek, being careful to keep his sharp teeth and claws safely tucked away (something Jace learned that he was not fantastic at, when their relationship started to involve a bit more interactive things).

Alec was a bit more hesitant with him and it didn’t help that Jace felt equally as unsure with Alec. It was easy to fall into that relationship with Magnus when the man himself was the one initiating it but neither Alec nor Jace seemed quite sure how to go about it with each other. For a long time, they’d been friends and then, they’d been parabatai and now, they didn’t quite seem to know how to be something else, even if they both wanted to be.

In the end, they realized they were both vastly overthinking it. Nothing about the way they interacted had to change. Jace didn’t have to push aside his playful nature to try and flirt and Alec didn’t have to push aside his predisposition to be annoyed at what Jace did, so they could try to be more romantic.

Their same banter was fine and at night, if Jace wanted to tuck his tail around Alec’s and bury his face in the man’s neck, he could and that would be fine. If Alec wanted to wake him up by kissing him, he could and overthinking the way they interacted otherwise helped no one.

It was Magnus who so very helpfully pointed this out, after awkwardly watching both of them try to fumble around their new relationship for a few days. They both realized very quickly that Magnus was right, as he often was.

Looking back on it, joining Alec hadn’t exactly been a choice. He hadn’t really thought about the consequences or what life would be like underwater. The only thing he’d thought about was Alec and that he needed to follow him, regardless of where he went. There hadn’t been another choice but overall, Jace found that he couldn’t regret what he’d done at all.

Shadowhunters thought of those underwater as cursed, vicious creatures. The latter, Jace could understand given that he thought Magnus could kill someone in a second but the former? No, Jace didn’t think they were cursed. The real curse would be a life trapped away from Alec. The real curse would be knowing that Alec was here with Magnus and being stuck above.

Jace was not cursed. Alec was not cursed. Their lives were just different now and besides, if it meant that Jace could spend eternity with Alec and Magnus, how could it be anything less than a blessing? How could anyone pity them?

Besides, Jace also learned fairly quickly that his new anatomy was quite a bit more fun than what he’d had as a shadowhunter. Magnus said that their bodies were more sensitive than human bodies and that was a fact that Jace was more than a little excited to explore himself.

If Jace had been cursed with anything, it was an astounding appreciation for everything his new body had to offer. Things were different but overall, Jace really couldn’t complain, even if he never quite seemed to get the hang of the spinning maneuver that Magnus and Alec could do in the water.

Jace really, really wanted to be able to do it but he had a long time to practice and Magnus had a long time to be able to laugh at him as he tried to do it. Jace really thought that things could have ended up far worse for him than a life like this, with two boyfriends who he was not worried would get sick of him and a home full of water where he was safe from scary predators when his far more capable boyfriends were away.

Jace didn’t think that a life cursed to remain in the ocean was that bad.

#shadowhunters #tsc #Malace #fics #Magnus Bane #alec lightwood #jace herondale #sh-rare-pair-exchange #my fics

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hedwigstalons · 5 years ago

Text

Rite of Passage

This is written for #irrelief set up by @gumnut-logic. This is for both @tsarinatorment who wanted Scott teaching a younger brother how to fly, and @scribbles97 who wanted anything with Scott and Alan.

xoxoxox

“Up and at ‘em, birthday boy. These pancakes won’t last long if you don’t get down here quick.”

Grandma Tracy’s voice reverberated down the corridor to Alan’s room, stirring him in to action. At twelve years old he had lost the desire to be up at the crack of dawn and even his own birthday couldn’t entice him out of his room any earlier than was necessary. Although if pancakes were on offer that could only mean one thing – Virgil was cooking.

The thought of Virgil’s thick and fluffy pancakes gave him the final push he needed otherwise he risked losing his share. He thundered down the stairs towards the kitchen and snagged a stack of pancakes from the pile in the middle of the table. The serving platter was loaded to overflowing and the jug of maple syrup was still full. Despite the threats no one else had started although Gordon was practically drooling from his place at the far side of the table.

All the Tracy boys appreciated good food. It could be in short supply on a rescue and in even shorter supply on the island if Grandma Tracy took it into her head to care for them with a good old fashioned dose of home cooking. Taking their cue from Alan the stack of pancakes was soon demolished. Blocks of butter were carved in to. Syrup dribbles were slurped off fingers. The feeding frenzy only finished when Virgil announced that there was no more batter left, much to the disappointment of everyone present.

With his stomach finally full Alan was able to take a proper look around the table. For once all of his brothers were present, even John. Comms must have been routed through to the island to allow his space monitor sibling to attend. He appreciated the effort; having John around was a rare treat and he missed the sibling who had inspired his love of space. He just hoped the Earth stayed quiet for a few hours. It always hurt watching his brothers dash off in their craft to save the world. Since Gordon earned his full IR blues last year he was the only one left behind when a call for help came in.

There was still one noticeable gaping absence in the assembled company. The place at the head of the table was empty. No one yet had the heart to sit in the chair that had until recently been the preserve of their father. This was Alan’s first birthday since the Zero-X exploded. His first birthday without his father. The thought made the pancakes sit heavily in his stomach, as though they had been made of cardboard.

All joy seemed to leach out of the day.

Birthdays were meant to be special. Twelfth birthdays even more so. Turning twelve allowed a Tracy to obtain the freedom of the skies. That magical rite of passage that was the first time being in control of an aircraft. He was no stranger to flying as a passenger, all Tracys seemed to clock up air miles from birth, but to actually take control was a privilege that had so far been denied to him.

It had all started with Scott. Scott, who would bleed aviation fuel if you cut him and had been obsessed with the skies from the moment he had first been placed on a blanket outside as a baby to watch the clouds go by. Scott, who had been asking to fly since he could talk. Other boys might ask for bicycles for their birthday, Scott asked for aeroplanes. And when Scott turned twelve he had been deemed mature enough, and tall enough, to move into the pilot’s seat.

It was a milestone that had carried on with each brother in turn.

It was a milestone that Alan was to be denied. There was no father around to take him up and hand over control.

The celebration moved through to the lounge where a stack of presents were arranged on one of the sofas. Books, video games and new clothes all appeared from the brightly wrapped parcels. A box of snacks and candy from Gordon was quickly whisked away to his room to be hidden from thieving brothers. Even birthday candy wasn’t sacred if left in a communal area; exhausted brothers returning from the danger zone could demolish a pack of Oreos quicker than you could say ‘Thunderbirds are go!’.

Soon there were no more parcels left.

“So, Alan, any plans for your big day?” Scott asked.

With his attention taken up with reading the back of one of the video game boxes Alan completely missed the smirks that were exchanged between his brothers.

“Maybe play one of these. Anyone up for it?” He held up one of the boxes. A space rocket filled the cover and the tagline promised intergalactic adventures that were out of this world.

“Sorry. Maybe later. I’ve got some maintenance to do.”

The disappointment on Alan’s face was clear to all as Scott turned and headed off towards the hangers.

“Anyone?” He waved the box in a hopeful manner but the lounge was already clearing as everyone went off to their respective duties.

“Sorry, Al. I don’t really have time for games. Scott’s right, there is maintenance to do. If you come and give me a hand on Three I might get done in time for a game before I head back up to the office.”

Alan perked up at this prospect. Thunderbird Three was his favourite craft but one he was rarely allowed near. The mighty space rocket seemed to call out to him and he longed to one day feel her power. Every time she launched in to orbit Alan could be found drooling at the windows of the villa. It was a sight he never grew tired of. The thought of spending time with John was also not to be sneezed at.

Alan willingly followed John to the elevators but instead of heading towards Thunderbird Three’s silo John started leading the way towards the private hanger. Alan trailed along behind. Maybe John needed to collect some tools or speak to one of the others first. They would get to the rocket soon enough and then Alan could lose himself in the mighty machine. If he was lucky John might even let him sit in the pilot’s seat.

As he entered the hangar Alan found himself blinking. Bright tropical sunshine spilled through the open door, exposing the view of the runway and the ocean beyond.

Once his eyes stopped watering and adjusted to the brightness Alan noticed his brothers and Grandma all gathered round. There, lined up to exit the hanger, was the small two-seater propeller plane that rarely saw the light of day. Probably not since Gordon had turned twelve.

“You didn’t think we would forget would you?” Scott stepped forwards, already kitted out in his blues and holding out one final parcel.

Alan stepped forwards to meet him and accepted the gift. He peeled off the paper almost reverentially, partly because of the significance of the gift and partly because he knew better than to leave litter in the hangar that could get sucked in to aircraft engines.

Hidden underneath the folds of paper was a familiar flash of blue. He shook out the material and held up the small flight suit. The stiff cotton was unblemished and still heavily creased in its newness. He rubbed his thumbs over the material as he held the suit by the shoulders. A patch badge on the breast proclaimed ‘A. TRACY’.

It might not be the high-tech material of his brothers’ uniforms but it was his. A symbol of the next stage of his life. Each brother in turn had been gifted their first flight suit on turning twelve. The significance of the colour was not lost on him. For each of the others the flight suit had been in the traditional green used by the US Air Force. His was sky blue with patches of a slightly darker shade on the knees and elbows. This suit was proof that one day he would be accepted as a Thunderbird. Provided he could actually master flying.

He undid the velco down the front of the suit with a satisfying rip and stepped in. The legs and arms were a little long but it gave him some growing room. Scott knelt down in front of him and folded up the cuffs into a fetching pair of turnups while Alan rolled back the sleeves a couple of turns.

“Can’t have these catching on the controls.” Scott murmured and he stood up, stepping back to admire his handiwork. “You ready?”

Alan could only nod dumbly as Scott led him over the aircraft and helped him in.

The aircraft was rather more basic than anything else in the Tracy fleet. Dual controlled with a simple stick and rudder pedals. It was the perfect trainer plane to learn the principals of flight. Of course it had had a few Tracy upgrades over the years. The instruments were now more in line with those found on the Thunderbirds and the comms unit was able to connect to the secure International Rescue frequencies. The technology was nothing new to Alan who had grown up with a lot of these features as standard but an outsider might have found the juxtaposition between high and low tech to be a touch strange.

“At least you are a bit taller than Gordon was” Scott said as he slotted himself into the second seat by Alan’s side, “Dad had to put him on a booster wedge.”

Alan smirked a little about this piece of ammunition. His next older brother made a big thing about Alan being the baby of the family. Next time Gordon teased about him having homework to do or not being allowed to swim without on of the others present Alan knew just what he would throw back in his fish brother’s face.

Lost in his imaginings of being able to retaliate against Gordon Alan missed that Scott had stared speaking again. Information about pitch, roll and yaw; rudders, flaps and ailerons had passed him by.

“Earth to Alan.”

A hand was waved in front of his face, jerking him back to reality.

“Huh. What was that, Scotty?”

“Wake up, kid. This thing won’t learn to fly itself. I said the stick controls the flaps and ailerons” Scott gave the stick a waggle and Alan watched as sections on the wings and tail moved correspondingly, “and the pedals control the rudder”. Alan turned around and saw the rudder section in the tail swing left and right as the pedals at his feet shifted, mirroring the action caused by Scott manipulating his own pedals. “Now lets get this baby fired up. Just watch what I do for now. You can keep your hands and feet on the controls but make sure you don’t put any pressure on them, just touch them lightly so you can feel what I’m doing.”

Scott’s fingers flew deftly over the various switches in the cockpit. The engine stuttered in to life and the propeller began to turn until it was a near-invisible blur at the front of the plane. A few more switches that Alan recognised as belonging to the radio and they were ready to go.

“Trainerbird One requesting permission to take off”.

John’s hologram popped up in the cockpit showing that he had evidently headed back to the lounge to run comms.

“Trainerbird One you are cleared for take off.”

Alan felt the small aircraft vibrate as Scott increased the power and they slowly rolled forwards towards the hanger doors and the outside world. Soon they were moving at speed towards the end of the runway and Alan was suddenly struck by how short the strip was. Normally he was the passenger section of one of the jets or they used VTOLs. The small training craft gave him an entirely new perspective of the world.

Scott really was a master of all things aeronautical and Alan barely felt them leave the ground despite the most basic component of the Tracy fleet providing little protection against the pull of forces. He kept a fingertip touch on the controls and felt the aircraft turn and dip to Scott’s commands. The ocean glittered below, blending with the crystal clear sky on the distant horizon.

Despite normally piloting the most advanced plane in the world Alan could tell that Scott was enjoying himself too. The small propeller plane was neither fast nor elegant but the primitive controls only served to deepen the connection between man and machine. Every action had a reaction which was fed back to the pilot via the controls. Every gust of wind was felt and needed to be responded to. Pilot and craft needed to work in harmony rather than one assuming control of the other.

“You ok there Alan? Feel ready to take control for a bit?”

Alan looked across at his eldest brother, his eyes shining.

“Really?”

“Sure. Just avoid hitting the island and you’ll be fine. You have control.”

“I have control” Alan responded, parroting the interaction between pilot and co-pilot that he had witnessed so many times previously.

And then he did. Scott’s hands were no longer on the stick but were instead placed neatly in his lap. Alan had no doubt that those same hands would be back on the controls in an instant if anything went wrong but for now the sky was his own.

After a couple of minutes of level flying, circling around the island, Scott looked across at his youngest brother. He could tell that Alan was just itching to try something a little more adventurous.

“Go on, put her through her paces. I’m here if anything goes wrong.”

Alan needed no second bidding. Soon the small plane was dipping and turning. First moving with the wind, then against, as he got a feel for the craft and her abilities. The freedom of the skies was his and he could see why his brothers soon got miserable if they were grounded. Even Gordon, whose natural habitat was in the ocean, was not immune to the lure of the skies and griped if he couldn’t get airborne. His heart soared as he felt the shifting air currents and the pull of the forces as he coaxed the plane through progressively more ambitious and demanding manoeuvres.

All too soon it was time for lesson one to come to an end as Scott took control again with Alan gently feeling the movements required for landing. The short runway rushed up as Scott took the steep approach angle necessitated by their island home. A subtle bump and bounce announced their reconnection with the ground.

Once the craft was still Scott reached out and draped an arm around his brother’s shoulders. In the confined space of the cockpit they had been practically touching for the whole flight and it took no effort at all to turn it in to some semblance of a hug.

“So what did you think, Al? Another lesson tomorrow if rescues allow? You did great up there.”

Alan nodded against his brother’s shoulder, not trusting his voice as an unexpected wave of emotion washed over him.

Scott sensed the younger boy stiffen against him. He looked down and spotted the moisture welling up in Alan’s eyes, the clenched jaw showed just how hard Alan was fighting to stay in control.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Did...did I really do ok?”

“Yeah. I’m proud of you. Dad would have been proud too.”

And that was the tipping point. Alan twisted in the confined space and Scott found himself wrapped in a tight embrace as Alan fully buried his face in the shoulder of Scott’s uniform, sobs wracking his body. Scott rubbed a hand gently up and down the back of Alan’s flight suit, letting Alan have his moment and burn out in his own time.

Soon the moment had passed. With one final sniff Alan pulled himself out of the embrace and suddenly became very interested in the wall of the hanger visible through the side windows of the cockpit.

“I mean it Alan.” Scott spoke to the back of Alan’s head. “Dad would be so proud of you today. I know it’s not the same for you but it was an honour to take you up today. You’re a natural up there.”

Alan turned back to face him, a grin splitting his face.

“So, next time you’re going to take me up in Thunderbird One?”

“Nice try, kid. Nice try.”

#irrelief #irrelief2020 #thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds fanfiction #Scott Tracy #alan tracy #birthdays #learning to fly

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psychicmedium14 · 7 years ago

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Well, folks, it’s been a year. For many people, 2017 was like a bull in a china shop—storming in unexpectedly, and leaving us with quite the mess to clean up. But in the midst of chaos there is always opportunity, meaning that this new year is rife with the potential for progress. To help you start off this year on a self-actualized foot, read on for a breakdown of exactly what your sun sign needs to do to "win" 2018—or in other words, to become the best version of yourself so you can better serve the world. Aries Sun/Aries Rising: "My fire is my most powerful tool." Aries is the first sign, or the "baby" of the zodiac, meaning you probably view the world through a pair of rose-colored glasses. An Aries upholds the most endearing qualities of being a child, like having boundless optimism, impressive energy, and a refreshingly unjaded outlook. However, this youthful temperament can also translate into quick tempers and the occasional melodramatic mood swing—factors that have helped this sun sign earn its fiery reputation. As an Aries, you’ve probably had to learn how to control your temper. But what if instead of putting out this fire in 2018, you chose to embrace it? Anger, through a different lens, is simply passion, and when channeled correctly, it can be your most powerful tool. The year 2017 may have set you up with a lot of hurdles to clear, but getting caught up in a whirlwind of frenzied frustrations won’t do you any favors. By finding a productive outlet for all of your energy—like taking charge in a social organization that is close to your heart or speaking up for those who don’t have a voice—you’ll be able to put this internal inferno to good use. Taurus Sun/Taurus Rising: "Let go, gracefully." We’ve all been there: that moment when that thing you manifested the sh*t out of ends up being a total dud, or at least not what you pictured. When some people come to this realization, they simply stand up, dust off their hands, and walk away. But this is rarely the reality for an ever-so-patient and persistent Taurus. When we move beyond what we’ve outgrown, the universe will always fill the void with something better. If you’re a Taurus, you prefer to go big or go home, wholeheartedly committing yourself to the people, places, and projects you care about. And while this unrelenting devotion is admirable, it makes it difficult for you to loosen your grip on the things that are no longer serving you. The trick? Understanding that when we move beyond what we’ve outgrown, the universe will always fill the void with something better. From that old flame whose number you just can’t delete to the job that was perfect on paper but leaves you feeling drained, 2018 is calling you to cut the cord. Like a snake shedding its skin, it’s time for you to release the old and slip gracefully into the new. Gemini Sun/Gemini Rising: "I will make room for honesty." Around this time of a year, Geminis are getting to live their best lives, mixing and mingling on repeat as the holiday party season rages on. This sun sign is notorious for knowing a little bit about everything, making things like first impressions, networking, and flirting an absolute breeze. But in 2018, your mission as a Gemini is to transcend the small talk and replace surface-level conversations with ones that foster real, human connection. Instead of filling every pause with fun facts and silly stories to keep things flowing, watch what happens when you leave space for honest exchanges to occur. Practicing mindful listening—shifting your focus onto the person you’re talking to and off of what witty thing you’ll say next—is a great way to strengthen both your conversations and relationships. Cancer Sun/Cancer Rising: "I will feel everything, with pride." Cancers are one of the most misunderstood signs of the zodiac, so let’s use 2018 to set the record straight. Often depicted as people who cry at the drop of a hat or throw temper tantrums left and right, Cancers are slighted for their overtly emotional personalities. But not only is this narrative an unfair exaggeration, it also paints highly sensitive beings in a negative light when in reality, they’re the ones doing it right. As a Cancer, being emotionally tuned in is your most important gift, for it allows you to access your potent intuition and game-changing creativity. For some Cancers, this connection comes easily, but for others, it’s a struggle. Defying the haters is your 2018 challenge, Cancer - choosing to grip tightly to your tenderness and find comfort in your emotional center. By feeling all the feels and bravely loving without bounds, you’ll be able to shower both yourself and the world around you with some much-needed compassion. Leo Sun/Leo Rising: "I am confident in my own worth." It’s a common misconception that Leos are the most confident sign of the zodiac, but this isn’t always the case. Many Leos do exude an air of confidence that makes the world believe they are sure of their own talents, but sometimes this over-the-top conviction is masking some underlying insecurities. In order to feel safe and loved, Leos need to be on the receiving end of a lot of positive affirmations. But when this doesn’t happen, they can start beating themselves up. Leo, you are inherently creative, caring, passionate, and intelligent—but you’ll never be truly happy until you start to really see this for yourself. Chances are you're amazing at spotting the potential in others and building them up, but 2018 is asking you to channel this energy inward instead. Start by writing down three things you appreciate about yourself every morning; anything from your big hair to your big heart will do. This may feel a little difficult at first, but in time you will become comfortable discovering new parts of yourself to love. Repeatedly reminding yourself of your limitless value will help you and your gifts soar higher this year than ever before. Virgo Sun/Virgo Rising: "I silence my inner critic." Hey, Virgos, if someone wants a job done well, they should bring it to you, right? As the perfectionist of the zodiac, you take pride in your precision and are sure to leave anything you touch in pristine condition. This keen attention to detail and observant nature can be incredibly useful, but it can also come with a bit of a price. Having a sharp inner critic is a common thread among Virgos. However, catering to this nitpicky voice in your head will do nothing but drag you down, so your 2018 mission is to set yourself free. One of the best ways to do this is by starting each day with some stream-of-consciousness journaling. Jot down anything and everything that comes to mind without an ounce of self-editing. By writing out any insecurities, anxieties, or limiting beliefs that are knocking around in your brain, you’ll be able to release them and create space for positive, productive thought patterns. Libra Sun/Libra Rising: "I release old grudges with grace." As a Libra, getting "sharing is caring" tattooed on your forehead would save you a lot of trouble. You thrive in situations that are balanced and expect others to dish up the same unwavering gentleness and consideration that you show them. However, it can be difficult for you to understand that this innate appreciation for fairness doesn’t come naturally for everyone. Holding a grudge when someone doesn’t carry their weight in a relationship might feel justifiable to you, but this negativity won’t serve you in 2018. In order to liberate yourself from the stagnant energy brought on by these lingering emotional memories, try a burning ceremony before the year is up. To start, compose a list of experiences that weigh heavy on your heart. From life-altering breakups to that rude comment the barista made about your hair, anything that drains your energy is deserving of release. Then, read everything you’ve written down out loud and set the paper on fire, freeing yourself from burdensome resentments that inhibit you from moving forward. Scorpio Sun/Scorpio Rising: "I will allow myself to sink into vulnerability." Scorpios are in fact water signs, possessing powerful intuitive gifts and an unparalleled level of emotional intelligence. However, it's easy to forget this because Scorpios are pros at hiding these sensitive parts of themselves. The desire for privacy is something that most Scorpios feel, for it gives them a safe space to process emotions and feel all the feels. But while brooding in secrecy may be your jam, 2018 has no time for it. As a Scorpio, you are arguably the most intuitive sign of the zodiac, meaning you can pick up on important energetic cues and understand people’s true intentions with ease. It’s these skills that allow you to connect with others on a deep, soul level—something our world has never needed more of. If you continuously choose to step into your vulnerability instead of shy away from it, you’ll get to watch your relationships totally transform in this new year. Sagittarius Sun/Sagittarius Rising: "I will turn big ideas into action." You are known for your optimistic spirit and love of roaming far and wide, so there’s no doubt that you have big plans for the planet, Sagittarius. Your philosophical nature and appreciation of freedom are perfectly suited to help 2018 move in a constructive direction, but we need you to focus to make this happen. Because Sagittarius is such an idealistic and generous sign, it’s common for you to bite off a little more than you can chew. And as someone who lives for change and excitement, it’s the initial spark at the start of a project that gets your gears going. In the new year, your mission is to hone your focus and work on physically bringing your ideas to life. Instead of jumping from one thing to the next, pick a couple of passion projects that are close to your heart and commit to them. The power of manifestation is amplified when you have specific goals in mind, so being intelligent and intentional about how you channel your energy is key. Hint: Creating a vision board would be an excellent way to support this process! Capricorn Sun/Capricorn Rising: "I know when to walk away." If we rounded up a list of all of the CEOs in the world, it's safe to say a large chunk of them would be Capricorns. Hardworking, disciplined, and responsible, you were probably that kid in school who did everyone’s part of the group project (and loved every minute of it). Your unwillingness to take the back seat in any facet of your life is a drive that many people wish they had, but 2018 is asking you to slow down and think about exactly where you’re steering your car and why. Take your job for example. It’s not uncommon for companies that start off with the best intentions to take a turn for the worse when things like money or egos get in the way. Thanks to your determination to finish what you’ve started, you may be tempted to stick around and see how things play out—but that’s not what this year is all about. Learning to walk away from situations that are no longer serving you will be your biggest lesson, and one that will pay off time and time again. Your work ethic and passion are one in a million, so make sure you’re only funneling this energy into situations worthy of your gifts. Aquarius Sun/Aquarius Rising: "I will stop resigning to an isolated existence." It’s a known fact that you Aquarius folks are deep thinkers. As the humanitarians of the zodiac, your original, inclusive ideas are the kind of medicine that our world so desperately needs. But even though you tend to be very focused on the fate of others, being independent is one of your most defining characteristics. This preference for marching to the beat of your own drum can give you a kind of "outsider" status—one that you embrace wholeheartedly. However, needing alone time to recharge is one thing, but pushing others away or avoiding emotional connection is another. On a universal level, this year is about awakening to the idea that we’re in this race together. Your 2018 mission is to work on dropping your defenses and using collaboration and compromise to help move your ideas forward. By linking up with others who are on your same wavelength, you’ll be surprised at how quickly your innovative visions can come to life. Pisces Sun/Pisces Rising: "I dare to share my talents." It’s no secret that Pisces are deeply creative souls, able to produce moving work that speaks to the human condition. Whether you label yourself an "artist" or not, I bet there are elements of creative expression woven through your life—like writing poems in the Notes section of your phone or whipping out a sketchbook on long plane rides. However, Pisces have a proclivity for privacy, so the thought of sharing your art with the world might be your worst nightmare. As a highly sensitive being, the fear of criticism can feel very real for you. Your powerful emotional memory invites you to dwell on the past, replaying all of the negative feedback you’ve ever received on repeat. But this year is calling you to honor your artwork and step into the light, making the choice to share your healing gifts with the world. Pisces, you are the dreamer of the zodiac, laden with potent intuitive talents that allow you to cut right through someone’s soul. Don’t let the possibility of judgment steal your magic from those of us who so deeply need it.

#astrology #affirmations #zodiac signs

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actuallyredorchid · 7 years ago

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Fic roundup, part 1 - Exchange fic and gifts

I love gift exchanges, secret santas, and any kind of fic fest, because getting other people’s prompts to work from takes you out of your own little bubble of tropes and fandoms and is often incredibly inspiring to me.

These are also some of my least known fics--and some of my absolute favourites. Various fandoms, newest -> oldest.

Adventures in Autumn (Jukebox 2017, 5200 words)

Okay, so jukebox is amazing. All submitted fandoms are either songs or music videos, so you get to dig your teeth into this whole new world, that often doesn’t even have a fandom and just explore the hell out of that.

This was one of my favourite ever fics to write. Fairytale crossovers and quests all mixed up in each other. I was so in the zone, I almost missed a flight at one point XD

No Sweeter Victory and Lighthouse in the Woods (Chocolate Box 2017, 1400 words and 1800 words, respectively)

This was funny, because Chocolate Box is a massive exchange, and there were only three people who signed up with Shadowhunter prompts, and of course, we all got paired with each other. :)

The Exchange (Malec Secret Santa 2016, 4000 words)

This one was great to write for the opposite reason exchanges usually are, aka that the person I got paired with wished for pretty much exactly what I usually like to write. Which of course ended up being a canon remix. Because I love canon remixes.

I’ll Make This Feel Like Home (SH Summertime Gift Fest 2016, 1000 words)

I love this fic. Magical spaces that grow sentient and form themselves around the people living there is trope perfection in my book. Loved writing this one. Definitely one of my favourite fics that I’ve written, to date.

To Justify the Means (Yuletide 2013)

Yuletide, aka the time of year to dig into fringe fandoms and rare pairings and find a lot of new favourites you never knew you had. This prompt was for Dollhouse, and a bit like squeezing blood from a stone to write (because I just couldn’t get the tone right), but I kind of love the result, so that makes it a favourite.

Mirage (No Tags 2012, 1500 words)

A bit similar to Jukebox, in the sense that the prompt I got was for the Killjoys Verse, aka a part of bandom fandom based on the MCR album “Danger Days: the True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys” (which is excellent, btw). So much fun to write.

The Amazing Tail of Brendon Boyd Urie (No tags 2011, 2000 words)

The prompt for this one was “Brendon/Spencer, born with a tail”. I mean, how do you not love that? So fluffy! (Both the fic itself and Brendon’s tail in it :))

#adventures in writing #fic roundup #my fic #exchange fic #shadowhunters fic #song fic #dollhouse fic #bandom fic

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anthony-kate · 7 years ago

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helloooooooo and happy heat season!!! your sh exchange gift maker here. i was wondering if you have any wishes or ideas you want to share with me? any otp, brotp, tropes or anything like that you'd like me to include? (preferable nothing nsfw) have a lovely day!!!

Right back at you, pumpkin!

Anyway, I am already looking forward to my gift. :) And yes, anything Malec related, since I am Malec trash—I don’t know if my url gave it away lol—, would be absolutely amazing. As for other pairings, I also love Sizzy, and the relationship between the Lightwood siblings (+Jace of course). I absolutely hate romantic!C/limon, R/izzy, romantic!J/alec and romantic!C/lalec. (Fraywood as a brotp? Yes though!)

I love AUs so so much. Especially all humans AUs. I don’t have a preference here, like, I take anything, no matter if celeb, sports, neighbours, … AU, whatever you can come up with and feel comfortable with. I might have a very soft spot for doctors/hospital things though. *cough* As for tropes, enemies to friends to lovers is as awesome as “forced bed sharing” or fake dating/fake marriage. lol Not so fond of soulmates!fics though, it’s just not my cup of tea; and high school AU is also not sooooo much my thing. And since you are prefer anything not nsfw (which is fine!), I don’t have to fear omegaverse, mpreg, daddy!kink and such. Because, nope, nope, nope. That is so disturbing. (edited, but since this was also in the mail: major character death is an absolute no-go!)

What else? I am a sucker for dialogue (no or rarely any dialogue bores me ngl), humor, shameless innuendos, mutual pining, bickering and banter. Forehead kisses and hugs are simply love and will get to me every time. I don’t mind angst as long as my boys are happy in the end. That’s pretty much it, I need a happy ending. Than I am happy, too. I also prefer the appearence from the show.

As for a special song or a quote (since I don’t know what kind of gift to expect), I don’t have any preference here either. I am fine with pretty much everything, as long as there is a kinda HEA and it’s not too angsty. Same goes for coloring, whatever fits best in your opinion.

Does this help a bit? I am sorry if this is a bit overwhelming but I don’t know what to expect so I thought it might be best to make it a bit more detailed. But as I said, you can’t go wrong with Malec happy and in love. ;)

If you still have questions, don’t hesitate to ask me!

#summertime gift exchange 2017 #anonymous #answered #thanks for asking!

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sh-rare-pair-exchange · 3 years ago

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Backflips are Always Necessary

For @amchara

Summary: “For real? You have a crush on Simon?” Alec’s eyebrows were so high they were nearly in his hairline. “Lower your voice.” Jace glanced back to see that Simon was still talking, laughing and smiling, completely oblivious to the internal meltdown Jace was having across the bar. “I don’t have a crush. I just—” He paused, not sure how to put his not-a-crush into words. “Want to stare at him longingly from across the room while he sings love songs?” Magnus kept his voice low, but it was still full of sass as he continued, “Want to see how long he can hold you up against the wall of the training room?” And then he said in a more sultry tone, “Want to drag your teeth down his abs?” ~~~ Jace and Simon have been working and training together for months. When did Simon get so hot??

Read on ao3

“The backflips are so unnecessary.”

Jace shot a quick grin at Simon, and then did another backflip over Simon’s head, landing behind him. He whirled and swung his sword, and Simon just barely dodged the blow—but the tip of Jace’s sword caught the edge of his shirt, slicing cleanly through the fabric. Simon scowled down at it, poking a finger through the hole.

“Not so unnecessary when it distracts you,” Jace responded with a grin, bouncing on the balls of his feet. It was getting harder and harder to score a hit on Simon, and a rush of victory ran through him. This was fun.

“Dude!” Simon glared at him, and then started tugging his shirt off. “This was brand new!”

Jace smirked as Simon held his sword in one hand and his shirt in the other, frowning down at it. Jace swiped the sweat off his forehead; they’d been at it for nearly an hour. Simon was always strong, it came with being a vampire, but he’d learned so quickly these past few months. His reflexes rivaled Jace’s, and he’d gone from constantly being put on his back to knocking Jace on his ass more often than he should. Jace almost hated to admit it, but he was kind of proud of the little nerd.

Not so little, Jace thought, unable to tear his eyes away from Simon’s torso. He didn’t need to breathe, but he still did automatically, and with every breath his chest flexed. He wasn’t as built as Jace was, but he was agile, lean, power flowing through each fluid movement of his body. Jace could imagine dragging his fingers down those strong pecs, over his nipples, down his stomach, past his belly button and following the little trail of hair that led to—

“Jace!”

Jace jerked his head up to see Simon with his sword raised, shirt discarded on the floor, ready for another round. “You okay, man? You zoned out there. Need to tap out?”

Heat swirled in Jace’s gut as he stared at Simon, those dark eyes looking at him intently. What the fuck? He shook his head, falling easily back into a defensive stance.

“Yeah, you’d like that,” Jace said, forcing another grin, keeping his eyes trained resolutely on Simon’s face. His face, not his stupid washboard abs and— “Let’s go.” And then he lunged forward.

Simon wasn’t ready for the aggressive attack, and he stumbled backwards a step before parrying Jace’s blow. They continued to move across the training mat, gaining and giving ground to each other as they sparred. Jace let his muscles move on auto-pilot, his mind stuck on whatever the fuck just happened. He had been ogling Simon. Simon. Nerdy vampire Simon, who nearly did a cartwheel when he found the lego version of Kylo Ren’s shuttle on Ebay for a price he could actually afford. Simon, who thought his ‘James Bond’ face was an effective method of seduction. Simon, whose idea of a good time was sitting on his ass and playing Halo until 3AM.

Okay, so he was right about the Halo thing. But he was Simon. He was not attractive. Jace didn’t go for guys often, but when he did, they weren’t whiny whimps that just so happened to be stupidly built, with dark brown eyes that focused so intently on Jace when they were arguing or sparring or doing anything ever, and a freakishly charming smile with full lips that Jace could so easily imagine pressed against his own, dragging down his jaw, sliding over his throat—

A hard impact against a solid surface jarred Jace out of his thoughts. He blinked once, focusing on the gleaming grin that was inches in front of his face. He registered heat, and something solid pressing him against the cool brick of the wall—Simon. Simon had him pinned against the wall, their hips slotted together easily, Simon’s face so close that his hot breath fanned over Jace’s cheek.

“You’re really off your game today.” Simon’s teeth gleamed as he smiled, his body taut and tight against Jace’s. Simon had Jace’s wrists pinned on each side of his head, and something sparked down Jace’s spine, radiating a delicious tightness throughout his body. Jace stared at Simon for a beat, and the sword Jace was still holding onto fell from his hand with a clatter.

“I can be distracting too,” Simon said in a teasing tone that definitely did not cause a flush to run through Jace’s body, “and I didn’t even need a backflip.”

Irritation (and that was it, only irritation) flared high in Jace’s belly, and he tried to shove Simon off. But of course Simon was a fucking vampire with stupid superstrength. He didn’t budge; in fact his smirk said he seemed to enjoy Jace struggling and fuck he was getting hard fuck fuck fuck.

Jace twisted his leg at the knee, hooking around Simon’s calf and jerking. Simon let out a very undignified yelp as he fell to the ground, landing hard on the mat on his back. His smirk was still in place as he looked up at Jace. It made his stupidly adorable dimples more prominent, and Jace exhaled through his nose as his heart gave an extra-hard thud against his chest.

“Your form is still shit,” he said tersely. “Maybe focus on that instead of cracking jokes all the time.” Then he spun on his heel and walked away, ignoring Simon cackling behind him.

~~~

He didn’t see Simon for the next several days. He was training with Alec and researching with Clary and doing basically anything that kept his mind busy (and his body away from wherever Simon was). Because when his brain wasn’t occupied, it kept digging up memories. Of every sparring session that ended with one of them on their back, every grin that Jace hadn’t read as flirtatious at the time, every smart-ass remark or argument where Jace wanted to throw Simon up against the wall.

And of those memories that Jace had boxed up and locked away in the far corner of his mind. Like that night when Simon had drunk his blood.

Jace had known it would feel good; people didn’t get addicted to a vampire’s bite for no reason. But the entire situation was the farthest thing from sexy—Simon was on the edge of death, and he needed Jace’s blood to heal him. Jace hadn’t expected the electric charge that had gone through his body when Simon’s lips pressed against his wrist, or the heat that tangled in his gut as Simon pulled blood from his body.

He’d told himself it was just the adrenaline, and the euphoria from Simon’s vampire venom. But now, after how his body had reacted in the training room, he wasn’t so sure. His brain kept flickering back to the memory of Simon’s hard body pinning him to the wall, of his mouth just inches away from Jace’s face, of Simon’s thigh pressing against his, in the perfect spot to just ghost over his—

“Stop.” He set the dagger he’d been cleaning down a little more roughly than he should have, and he felt Isabelle’s disapproving frown before he saw it.

“I don’t know what crawled up your ass, but don’t take it out on my equipment.” Isabelle picked up the dagger, giving it a critical look before rubbing it carefully with the cloth in her hand.

“It’s fine.” Jace sighed. This wasn’t working, no matter what he did, Simon just kept crawling back into his head like an annoying little gnat. With really nice gnat arms. Fuck.

Okay. Clearly some weird, hind part of his brain had suddenly decided it found Simon attractive. It had decided it way too many times over the past few days, from how often he’d found himself with his cock in his hand, stroking himself to the memory of Simon pressing him against the wall of the training room.

Which, yeah, objectively Jace could understand it—Simon had the smoking body that was only getting hotter the longer he trained. But the second Simon opened his mouth, he negated all the allure his washboard abs and ridiculously firm ass brought him.

He argued. Like, all the time. He questioned every decision Jace made, wanted to know the hows and whys and ‘maybe we should try this’ or ‘why do we always have to do what Jace says’ and maybe it’s because Jace actually knew what the fuck he was doing, Simon.

He also rambled about the nerdiest shit; he had once spent two hours going on about why the tenth Doctor was the best Doctor, and why the ninth was ‘vastly underrated.’ First of all, Jace had no idea why Simon went through so many doctors and it worried him. Second, the only reason Jace hadn’t cut Simon’s tongue out that night was because Clary had hidden his knives and he was too drunk to find them.

But, Jace had to admit, he had seen another side of Simon over the past several months. He’d gone from hardly being able to hold a sword to holding his own against Jace with not only it, but also several other weapons. He’d proven himself more than capable in the field, with his quick wit, ability to think on his feet, and a relentless cleverness that had surprised everyone (even Jace had to admit he was impressed when Simon tricked the Piskies into signing a treaty by using their own crazy logic against them). Plus, when he used his words for things that actually mattered, like recommending new music for Jace (his ability to put together the perfect playlist for whatever mood Jace was in was almost uncanny), or showing Jace a new strategy in Call of Duty, he was actually pleasant to talk to. Maybe even fun. So it was possible, maybe, that Jace could understand why his dick had decided to overlook how disgustingly dorky Simon was.

In any other circumstances, Jace knew what he would do—he’d flirt. Like, hardcore flirt. And if Simon flirted back, Jace would make a move—ask him out, or just have another training session in a more… secluded location and see what happened.

But this was Simon. Jace had no idea if he even liked guys—he’d only ever seen Simon date girls. And while he was pretty sure he’d caught Simon staring at his ass once or twice, that was hardly a good barometer for if Simon wanted to do more than look. Jace had a really great ass; it would catch anyone’s eye.

“You wanna talk about it?” Isabelle asked way-too-casually as she began placing the weapons back in their holders.

“Not really.” Jace handed her a dagger, steadfastly avoiding her gaze. Asking anyone about Simon’s… preferences was out of the question. Especially Isabelle or Clary. First they’d die laughing and then they’d probably try to do some kind of romcom set-up thing. Jace would rather poke his eye out with his steele than deal with any of that.

Isabelle hummed, and he waited. Surely she would poke and prod and try to force Jace to talk and that was not happening. He was going to take his illicit fantasies of Simon blowing him on the training mat to the grave.

So he was surprised when Isabelle simply said, “Okay,” and continued putting weapons away. They worked in silence for a moment until Isabelle asked, “Are you coming with us to the bar tonight? Simon’s playing a set.”

“What do I care if Simon’s playing?” The words were out of his mouth before he realized he was going to say them, and he refrained from rolling his eyes at his total lack of chill. Get a grip. So what if his brain was pulling up memories of Simon strumming his guitar, crooning soulfully into the mic? Memories he’d never considered sexy before. But now, just the thought of them sent a gentle heat swirling through his torso.

He clenched his jaw. This was ridiculous; he felt like a horny teenager that just figured out how to masturbate.

Isabelle arched an eyebrow at him. “I didn’t say you did. I just think it’ll be fun and, no offense, but you really look like you can use some of that right now.”

Jace forced a rueful chuckle. “Watching Simon croak out his latest emo ballad-of-the-week is the last thing I’d do for fun.”

Isabelle’s face went from amused to contemplative. The fake grin fell off his face; he knew that look. It was the same one she used when they sparred, when she was considering if she should take him out at the knee or disarm him first, or when she was putting together an outfit for an important date. She was puzzling something out, putting pieces together in her head, and this was one puzzle Jace did not want her to put together.

“You said you liked his music,” she said thoughtfully, taking a step closer. “That it had ‘soul.’”

Jace snorted, even as his heart sped up in his chest, because he had totally said that. He’d been a little drunk at the time and he didn’t think Isabelle could hear him because she was sucking face with Clary a few feet over. (No, it didn’t bother him that his adoptive sister was hooking up with his ex. Okay, it did for like a week but he got over it.)

“Doesn’t sound like something I’d say.” He turned away from Isabelle, like if she kept looking in his eyes, she’d know that he was imagining Simon singing Lover while staring right at Jace. Which Jace totally wasn’t imagining. Because he hated that song. Taylor Swift was the worst.

“I have other plans tonight. You guys have fun.” He strode out the door, feeling Isabelle’s stare following him. Whatever. He was going to go find something to hit, and then find a date for tonight. He was totally not going to go watch Simon sing.

~~~

He was not here to watch Simon sing. He just literally had nothing better to do. He had done every single job he could possibly do at the Institute, he couldn’t find the book he was reading, and the drinks here were the cheapest in town (free, since his brother-in-law owned the place and all).

He had nabbed a stool in a dark back corner of the bar on the lower level; a stage had been set up across the room, and Jace watched as Simon adjusted his equipment. He was nervous; Jace could tell by how he kept re-tuning his guitar and his inability to stand in one spot for longer than three seconds. He also kept glancing up and scanning the room, as though he was looking for something. He apparently wasn’t finding it from how he would frown and look back at his guitar while muttering under his breath. With his vampire senses, Simon should be able to see Jace even in his dark corner, but if he noticed Jace, he didn’t make it apparent. A cold bead of disappointment formed in his chest at the thought that Simon might not notice him, and Jace brushed it away.

Clary, Isabelle, and Alec were sitting at a table not far from the stage. Jace had waved at Maia when he came in, and he recognized other familiar faces around the bar. It was a larger crowd than Simon usually played for, and his first time playing at Magnus’s club, which was probably why he was more nervous than Jace had ever seen him. As Simon did one last sound check, his mouth twisted in an uncharacteristic frown, Jace was suddenly struck by the urge to run up to the stage and wrap his arms around Simon, reeling him in tight so he could whisper in his ear, ‘Untwist your panties. If you can take out a fire demon without breaking a sweat, you can plunk out five songs in front of a few dozen people.’ Simon would pull back and smile at him, highlighting those stupid dimples—

“Well, well, well. Look who decided they could make it tonight after all.”

Only years of training kept Jace from jerking in surprise at hearing Magnus’s voice so close behind him. He tossed back the rest of the bourbon he’d been nursing, focusing on getting his stupid emotions under control before turning to Magnus. Whose ever-present smile aimed directly at Jace.

“Isabelle said you were otherwise engaged.”

“My plans changed, so.” Jace nodded at the bartender, who poured him another drink.

“One for me, please,” Magnus said, sliding onto the stool next to Jace. The bartender grabbed a glass for Magnus. On the other side of the room, Simon began his set, launching into a slow song Jace had never heard before. Jace wasn’t sure to be irritated or thankful that Magnus had shown up; one part of him wanted to be alone so he could drink in every moment of Simon on stage in private. The other part of him was horrified about the entire thing, begging Jace to ask Magnus to check if he was under the influence of a spell that made you lose all common sense.

They sat in silence for a moment, long enough for Jace to wonder if maybe Magnus just didn’t want to be subjected to Clary and Isabelle’s overenthusiastic antics during Simon’s set. Currently they were both swaying and holding up lighters while Alec sat with his arms crossed, looking like he was ready to sink into the floor next to them. Jace couldn’t stop a corner of his mouth from pulling up as he watched Simon’s face light up with amusement as he sang to the crowd.

“So,” Magnus said, and Jace turned to see him leaning back, looking at Jace knowingly, “that was quite the display in the training room the other day.”

Jace’s gut twisted, but he kept his face neutral as he replied, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh?” Magnus leaned forward, grinning way too wide. “You don’t remember that—” he pointed to Simon, who was accepting a smattering of applause at finishing his first song, grinning sheepishly he made some kind of joke that Jace didn’t catch but he was sure was impossibly corny— “sexy hunk of vampire pressing you up against the wall? Too bad; it’s certainly an image I’ll remember for the rest of my days.” Magnus took another sip of his whiskey, watching Jace expectantly.

Jace frowned, shifting in his seat. He had thought he and Simon were alone, but he should know better by now. “What were you doing there?”

“I had just had lunch with my husband and was on my way out when I heard the most enticing grunts and gasps coming from the training room.” Magnus grinned again as Jace rolled his eyes, trying to cover the heat he felt rushing to his face. “You know me,” Magnus continued, enjoying himself way too much, “I like to be where the action is.”

“There was no action!” Jace replied indignantly. On the stage, Simon had switched from his keyboard to his guitar, strumming a song with a melody Jace vaguely recognized from one of the mixes Simon had made for him.

“Are you sure? Certainly seemed like there was some below-the-belt action from my perspective.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jace replied through clenched teeth. He didn’t even know why he was getting so irritated, or why his heart was beating so hard he was surprised the bar wasn’t shaking.

“Me? Ridiculous?” Magnus scoffed, turning his attention to Simon, leaning in closer to Jace and speaking conspiratorially. “What’s the problem? He’s cute, capable, has a pleasant enough voice… that I distinctly remember you telling me ‘had soul.’” Magnus rolled his head until he caught Jace’s eye, and Jace groaned, falling back against the barstool. Magnus looked back at Simon, continuing, “Maybe he’s a little… nerdy, but some guys like that type.”

“I don’t,” Jace replied immediately, even as a little voice in his head, one that sounded suspiciously like Isabelle said, ‘Oh, you so do.’

Magnus hummed. “Your lips say no, but your eyes have been saying yes all evening. Why, I’m surprised he can still sit on that stool, with how hard you’ve been eye-fucking him all night.” Magnus nodded towards Simon, and Jace lowered his head, raising one hand to cover his eyes.

“By the angel. I’ve only been here twenty minutes. And I’m not—eye-fucking anyone.”

“A few more minutes in that training room, and it would have been actual—”

“Magnus!” Jace whirled on him, scowling. “Can you please not be so… you?” Magnus grinned, taking another sip of his drink.

Jace glanced over at the stage, his heart skipping a beat as he saw Simon staring directly at him. He was strumming his guitar, his eyes alight, and a delicate warmth surged through Jace’s torso as Simon sang. Jace had seen Simon sing before, and he was always good, but tonight, he was—he was fucking breathtaking.

He was wearing a t-shirt, but it was far from his typical, colorful shirts with sayings like ‘Mordor Fun Run’ or ‘I had friends on that Death Star.’ Jace half-wondered if Simon had stolen the tight, black t-shirt from his closet. The stage lights bathed him in a soft, golden light, giving him an almost ethereal glow as he sang into the mic. His voice was strong, soulful, his dark eyes locked on Jace as his fingers effortlessly moved over the guitar strings.

Jace kept waiting for Simon to look away. But he didn’t, and Jace found himself unable to break the connection. The whispered conversations around him fell away, the anxiety in his body faded, and for a moment Jace felt like they were the only two people in the room.

Then Magnus cleared his throat and Jace jerked in his seat, looking over at him. By the time he turned back to Simon, the song had ended, and Simon was smiling at the crowd, introducing his next song.

“Oh yes,” Magnus said with raised eyebrows. “There’s absolutely zero eye-fucking going on here.”

Jace ran a hand through his hair, glancing between Magnus and Simon. Then he grabbed his glass, downing the rest of his drink in one gulp, enjoying the burn of it down his throat. After he set it down, he turned to Magnus. “It’s just. It’s Simon. He’s so—”

“Annoying? Immature? Very enthusiastic about rather… odd things?”

“Yes!” Jace breathed.

“And also smart and sexy and surprisingly magnetic and intense?”

“Yes.” Jace let his head slump down until his forehead hit the bar.

Magnus laughed, reaching one hand out to squeeze Jace’s shoulder. “It’s okay to be attracted to a nerd. I won’t tell anyone.” He stood up, walking around to Jace’s other side, and Jace picked up his head. “I’ll leave you to stew in your unresolved sexual tension for now, but please feel free to join us. You know, your friends?” Magnus gestured towards the table at the front. “I promise the view will be much better up close.”

Jace knew his face was flaming as Magnus winked at him and then strode away towards the stage. He settled back in his bar stool, his heart doing a somersault in his chest as Simon’s gaze came back to him with another grin. Jace’s mouth automatically formed a half-smile back before he caught himself.

Jace nodded to the bartender as Simon launched into another song. He needed at least one more drink before he had to deal with his friends. And honestly, the less people that saw whatever his face looked like when he watched Simon play, the better.

~~~

Jace slid into an empty chair next to Alec a few moments after Simon finished his last song. Clary and Isabelle had wandered over to the bar, and Jace gave Alec a nod, which he returned with a raised eyebrow.

“I was wondering when you’d make your way over here.” Alec took a sip of his beer, and from the small smirk on his lips, Jace didn’t have to wonder if Magnus had told Alec about what he’d seen in the training room.

“I was running late.” Jace glanced over to see Simon chatting with a few very excited girls on the side of the stage.

“You were brooding in the corner.”

“I wasn’t brooding,” Jace said, frowning as one of the girls put a hand on Simon’s bicep, squeezing and laughing. “I was contemplating.” Simon grinned at the girl, and Jace turned back to Alec, ignoring the sour feeling in his gut that was totally not jealousy. “Like you’re one to talk about brooding, anyway.”

Alec opened his mouth to retort, but was interrupted by Magnus sliding into the seat next to his. “I love it when he broods,” Magnus said, leaning into Alec’s side. Alec’s cheeks turned pink as he rolled his eyes, but the grin on his face told Jace he didn’t really mind.

Jace glanced over at the bar where Clary and Isabelle were standing very close together, smiling and laughing. As he watched, Clary leaned in and kissed Isabelle softly, their hands tangling together. He turned back to the table, only to be met with Alec and Magnus staring into each other’s eyes. He sighed; apparently tonight was going to be a big reminder that everyone else was head-over-heels in love while he was in the corner, alone and salivating over Simon ‘Call me ‘Your Lordship Daylighter’’ Lewis.

So this is what rock bottom feels like, Jace thought as he took another gulp of his drink.

“Did you enjoy Simon’s show?” Alec’s voice was just on the edge of teasing, and Jace forced his face to remain blank.

“It was fine.”

“He was captivated.” Magnus was enjoying himself way too much.

“I was not—”

“I’m having a very hard time with the idea of you being captivated by Simon.” One corner of Alec’s mouth was quirked up in what, for him, passed as a small smile, but Jace could see the question in his eyes—Are you really into Simon? Like, Simon Lewis? “I know you’ve been training with him a lot lately—”

“In many different areas,” Magnus added. Alec shot him a look, and Magnus shrugged, but sat back in his chair as Alec turned back to Jace.

“—but I thought you didn’t really like him. Because he’s annoying.”

He is completely annoying, Jace thought automatically. But then he sighed. That was a lie. It was true when he and Simon had first met, back when they only saw each other as rivals for Clary’s affections. But it wasn’t true now. It hadn’t been for a while. Somewhere along the way, he’d developed genuine affection for Simon.

Gross.

Jace was horrible at hiding things from Alec, and he realized that at this point, it was fruitless anyway. He shrugged helplessly, and Alec’s mouth dropped open.

“For real? You have a crush on Simon?”

“Lower your voice.” Jace glanced back at the bar to see that Simon was still talking to the girls, laughing and smiling, completely oblivious to the internal meltdown Jace was having across the bar. “I don’t have a crush. I just—” He paused, not sure how to put his not-a-crush into words.

“Want to stare at him longingly from across the room while he sings love songs?” Magnus kept his voice low, but it was still full of sass as he continued, “Want to see how long he can hold you up against the wall of the training room?” And then he said in a more sultry tone, “Want to drag your teeth down his abs?”

Alec turned to his husband, a perturbed look on his face, which Magnus scoffed at.

“Oh, Alexander, don’t look at me like that. It’s not like we haven’t talked about his abs. And his perfect little dimples.”

“He’s the worst,” Jace said, sneaking another look at those dimples that were being wasted on drunk girls at the bar. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” he sighed, turning back to Alec, who was still staring at him as if he’d grown another head. “I just—can’t get him out of my head.” After another quick look over his shoulder to make sure Clary and Isabelle were still at the bar, he quietly asked, “Is he even into guys?”

Alec snorted as Magnus’s head tilted. “Oh, honey,” Magnus said, “That’s a rhetorical question, right?”

Jace frowned at Magnus, and then out of the corner of his eye he saw Simon approaching the table.

“Shut up, he’s coming,” he mumbled, and the look Alec gave him told Jace he would definitely be talking about it later.

“Hey! You made it!” Simon thunked down in the seat next to Jace, his grin making his dimples even more apparent than usual. His knee bumped against Jace’s, and just that light contact reminded Jace of that last training session—Simon’s body pressing hard against his own, Simon’s face and chest so close that Jace could’ve leaned forward and licked—

He cleared his throat, trying to shift his upper body away from Simon. His traitorous legs, though, refused to budge and kept lightly brushing against Simon’s knee under the table. “Izzy said I had to,” he blurted, ignoring Magnus’s snort into his wine glass.

Simon chuckled, his smile dimming slightly, and a stab of shame hit Jace in the chest that he was the cause of it. He was possessed by a crazy urge to apologize, to say anything to bring that smile back full force and fuck he had to be going insane.

“I wasn’t sure if you knew I was playing.” Simon fiddled with a guitar pic in his hand, a nervous habit that Jace had seen before. He wasn’t sure why Simon would be nervous now though; the gig was over. “I looked for you at the Institute, but couldn’t find you. Figured you were out on a mission or something.” Simon paused, nervousness flickering over his face as he asked, “So what’d you think?” He turned his big, dark eyes on Jace and waited.

A million responses flew through Jace’s head—It was better than a root canal—You didn’t suck (at least not in the way I want you to)—Can you stroke my cock as well as you stroke your keyboard?—Why can’t I stop thinking about you?—Can I drag my teeth down your abs?—but luckily what came out was, “It was a really good set. I even recognized a few of the songs.”

Simon’s smile came back full force, and for fuck’s sake, it was like the sun came out and goddamn birds started singing. That same delicate warmth from before started simmering inside Jace’s entire body, and he couldn’t stop himself from smiling back. Next to him, he could practically hear Alec staring at him, and he definitely heard Magnus emit a smug, happy little hum of approval.

“Yeah, I was thinking you might.” Simon turned his body more towards Jace, which pressed his knee more firmly into Jace’s. The heat in Jace’s veins sparked hotter, and he clasped his hands together in his lap, lest he do something stupid like reach out and touch Simon.

“I put some of them on the playlists I made for you.” Simon chuckled again, and fuck it was adorable. “Which, I mean, I don’t even know if you listened to them—”

“You made Jace playlists?” Alec’s voice was nothing short of amazed, and when Jace turned to him, he was staring at Simon with his eyebrows practically in his hairline. “Of music? And he listened to them?”

Simon shrugged, moving the guitar pic over his knuckles. “Well I just said I didn’t know—”

“Oh, he’s listened to them.” Magnus was smiling as he leaned forward, and Jace suppressed a groan. “He told me they had—gosh, what was it you said, Jace?” He tilted his head as Jace glared at him. “Oh yeah—soul.”

“Really?” Simon was staring at Jace now, smiling again, and Jace could feel his cheeks flaming up.

“They—they were good,” Jace said, looking at the table, at the empty stage, anywhere but at Simon’s smiling face, Alec's stunned one, or Magnus’s entirely-too-delighted one. I have to get out of here.

Jace prided himself on his control, his ability to think clearly through the worst, most stressful situations. And he didn’t know what it was about Simon, but he was knocking Jace entirely off-kilter, and he didn’t like it one bit.

Luckily at that moment a waitress arrived, setting a dark drink with a pink umbrella down on the table. “For you,” she said to Simon, an expression of surprise falling over his face. “From them.” She pointed back at the bar, to where the girls Simon had been talking to earlier were waving at him.

Simon glanced at them and then picked up the drink, sniffing it. It was blood, Jace realized, and the sour feeling in his stomach returned.

“Oh, wow. It’s the good stuff,” Simon said. He grinned. “No one’s ever sent me a drink before.” He turned and gave a small wave over to the girls, who smiled and waved back.

Jace’s gut twisted, and he found himself glaring at the women before he could stop himself. They didn’t even notice him; they were too busy making moon eyes at Simon.

He rolled his eyes, turning back to the table. “What do you expect from vampire groupies? They’ll do whatever they can to get you to take a bite.”

The table went silent, and he looked up to see Alec and Magnus exchanging a look. Simon’s smile had dropped into a frown.

“They’re not groupies,” Simon said, irritation in his voice.

Clary and Isabelle appeared then, dropping into their seats on the other side of Simon. “Hey, Si,” Clary said with a wicked grin, “one of the girls at the bar said she’d be interested in a ‘private show.’” She giggled, and Isabelle smiled, shaking her head.

Jace arched an eyebrow at Simon, and he sighed. “They’re not vampire groupies. They’re… normal groupies.”

“You deserve all the groupies.” Clary reached over and squeezed his arm.

“Clearly it’s the wardrobe.” Isabelle looked over Simon, smiling in approval. “Glad you took my advice.”

Of course Isabelle dressed Simon. Jace didn’t know if he should thank her or kill her.

Simon looked down at himself, his shoulders hunching in self-consciously. “I don’t know. I think it’s all still too tight.”

“Nonsense.” Magnus smiled brightly, and Jace didn’t like the look in his eye one bit. “You look amazing. Don’t you think so, Jace?”

Jace froze as all eyes turned to him. He was going to kill Magnus. And Isabelle. Just everyone. Do not look at Simon, do not look at Simon. He shrugged. “He looks fine,” he mumbled to the table.

“You should go say hi,” Clary said, and Jace picked his head up to see her addressing Simon. “Isn’t that one of the perks of being an amazing musician? Having girls fawn all over you.”

“Not just girls,” Magnus muttered, just low enough for Jace to hear (and, with his vampire hearing, probably Simon as well), and Jace’s blood turned to ice in his veins. He never should have come here tonight. He should have worked out or stayed in his room and jerked off. Again.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see one of the groupies approaching their table, and Simon was opening his mouth, probably to tell Clary that she was right and he does deserve all the groupies and a stab of irritation hit him in his chest. He was this weird mass of tension and emotion, and he’d probably do something really stupid if he stayed there another second.

“I gotta go.” He stood up abruptly, ignoring the surprise on his friend’s faces.

“What? But you just—” Simon was interrupted by the girl—the groupie—coming to stand next to him.

“Hey, Simon,” she said with a smile. “Do you wanna come have your drink with me and my friends at the bar?”

Jace turned on his heel, not wanting to hear Simon accept her offer. He was out the door and had turned the corner into the alley next to the club when he heard quick footsteps behind him and a hand fell on his shoulder.

“Alec, can we please not do this—” Jace turned, prepared to fend off a worried Alec when he stopped short at the sight of Simon standing before him.

“Are you okay? You ran out of there so fast, and you seem… weird.” Simon’s eyes were full of concern, and he shifted on his feet.

Jace stared at him for a minute, his mouth hanging open slightly. How did Simon look even better under the dim, crappy streetlight than he did in the bar?

Jace inhaled a sharp breath, glancing away. “I’m fine. Just tired.” He took a step back and waved Simon off. “Go back to your little fan club.”

“My ‘fan club?’ Come on Jace, what’s your problem?” Simon’s voice had a tone Jace was very familiar with from him—irritation. It sent a wave of adrenaline through Jace’s body, and he was turning back to Simon before he even realized his feet were moving.

“Nothing,” Jace said, automatically adopting the same pissy tone. “I don’t have a problem.” He stared at Simon, daring him to… Jace wasn’t even sure. Simon stared right back, his brow furrowing in confusion. Then he shook his head, crossing his arms.

“I see how it is.” Simon stepped closer, and Jace forced himself to keep his face expressionless, to not react to having Simon inches away. His heart didn’t quite get the memo, as it instantly started beating twice as fast. “You’re jealous.”

Jace jerked back. “I am not jealous.”

“Oh, you so are.” Simon let out a humorless laugh, and that sour feeling came back to Jace’s gut, along with a stab of annoyance. Simon not only knew Jace was jealous of those stupid groupies, he was laughing about it.

Simon started moving, talking with his hands like he did when he was agitated. “You’re always the big, scary, hunky Shadowhunter with the amazing hair and the fantastic arms and beautiful eyes that can see into my soul and you can get anyone you want. But now people are actually starting to notice me—” Simon stepped closer to Jace and pointed a thumb at himself, “—and you can’t handle the fact that wimpy little Simon Lewis is actually getting some attention.” He crossed his arms and stared defiantly up at Jace, daring him to disagree.

Jace looked into those big, brown eyes, and just like that all of the annoyance and frustration flowed out of him. Maybe Simon wasn’t as straight as Jace thought.

Giddiness swept through him, and he didn’t even try to stop the grin that formed on his face.

“You think my eyes are beautiful?”

“I—don’t change the subject!” Simon sputtered, taking a step back.

Jace stepped forward, not letting him get away. “And you think I’m… hunky?” He reached out slowly, giving Simon plenty of time to back away, and ran the tips of his fingers down Simon’s arm, over the soft fabric of his t-shirt, grazing the skin of his elbow.

“Look, you—” Panic played over Simon’s face as he looked everywhere but at Jace. “You know you’re gorgeous, alright? And—you’re trying to distract me.” Jace lightly pressed his thumb into the crease of Simon’s elbow, and an electric current flowed through his body, lighting him up from the inside out.

Simon looked down and stared at Jace’s hand like he’d forgotten Jace even had hands. “And it’s working,” Simon added softly.

“You’re not wimpy,” Jace said, and Simon’s gaze cut up to him, his mouth hanging slightly open. “And you’re not little.” Jace’s hand slid up to his bicep, squeezing lightly.

Simon kept staring at him, his face the perfect picture of befuddlement. “Thank you?”

Jace held his gaze, his heart thudding in his chest. He knew Simon could hear it; that he knew how fast his pulse was racing. “You are wrong about one thing, though. I can’t get anyone I want.” He let his gaze drop down to Simon’s lips, wanting to lean in, but that niggling worry was still at the back of his mind. Simon was still just standing there, staring at him, not making any move to touch or come closer. What if Jace was completely off base here?

He felt a hand lightly touch his chest, and he looked down to see Simon’s fingers curling into his shirt. The air felt so thick Jace wondered how he was breathing, and then Simon said softly, “I think you can.” He swayed an inch closer, and something inside Jace snapped. He closed the last few inches between them and pressed his lips to Simon’s.

It was a chaste, soft kiss, Jace capturing Simon’s upper lip between his own. The fragile warmth Jace had been carrying with him all night suddenly solidified, searing hotter, sending bolts of electricity throughout his body. He was still holding Simon’s elbow, and he gently swiped his thumb over the bare skin there. Simon seemed frozen, unmoving, his hand still loosely clutching Jace’s shirt as they kissed.

Jace hung there for a moment, his heart sinking as Simon didn’t kiss him back. Fuck. He pulled away, their noses bumping, asking, “Was that ok—”

He was cut off by Simon surging forward and kissing him, his hands sliding up Jace’s chest so he could wrap his arms around Jace’s neck. Jace let out a muffled noise of surprise that melted into a moan of approval as he kissed Simon back, letting go of his elbow and resting his hands on Simon’s waist. He slackened his jaw, tilting his head to change the angle and kiss Simon deeper, and holy shit it was so much better than the fantasies he’d been nursing for days. Simon tasted sweet with a tang of iron, and his fingers tightened against Jace’s neck, his nails lightly digging in when Jace slipped his tongue into Simon’s mouth.

When his need to breathe made Jace finally pull away, he was light-headed, his breathing was ragged, and he was half-hard in his jeans. He kept Simon close, one hand resting on his lower back, the other sliding up his arm.

“Yeah,” Simon breathed, gazing up at Jace with dark eyes. “Yeah, that was—that was okay. Like, holy shit.” He exhaled a shaky laugh and then clumsily carded a hand through Jace’s hair.

Jace let his eyes flutter shut; everywhere Simon touched him sent a shot of lust through his body, straight to his cock. “Yeah,” he said, because that one word was all he was capable of. He leaned forward, and Simon met him for another kiss, this one instantly deep and wet. Sliding both hands to Simon’s hips, Jace gently guided him backward until Simon was pressed against the brick wall of the bar.

He leaned against Simon with his full weight, pinning him to the wall just like Simon had him pinned that day in the training room. Simon let out a moan, keeping one hand in Jace’s hair as the other moved down his back, over his hip, anywhere he could reach. Jace trailed his lips down Simon’s jaw, nibbling and sucking on his throat.

“You feel so good.” Simon’s voice was raspy, and he pulled at the back of Jace’s shirt until he could slide a hand under the hem and press his palm against the bare skin of Jace’s back.

Jace shuddered against him, slotting a thigh between Simon’s legs. He couldn’t resist lightly grinding against the hardness there, and he grinned at the whimper that fell from Simon’s mouth.

“So do you. Better than I thought.”

Simon pulled slightly away, turning so he could see Jace’s face. “You’ve thought about this?”

Jace blinked at him. “Yeah.”

“Really?” The hand Simon had on his back tightened, and Jace got distracted by Simon’s earlobe and leaned in to tug it between his teeth. “Why—Why didn’t you say something?” Simon gasped.

“I didn’t think you were into guys,” Jace murmured, his hands starting to wander again.

“Oh. I wasn’t.”

Jace froze at that, pulling his head up. Simon’s eyes were closed, but once he realized Jace was no longer actively mauling him, they flickered open. “Or I didn’t think I was,” he said after seeing the look on Jace’s face.

Jace stared at Simon as doubt, cold and icy, crept into his chest. It was one thing to fuck around with a guy that was curious; he’d done that, hell, he’d been the curious one not all that long ago. But those encounters rarely lasted longer than a few hours, and he’d never see the guy again. And if they did this—whatever this was—and Simon regretted it, if he couldn’t look Jace in the eye again, if he turned into extra-weird, squirrely Simon…

That would probably be for the best. This was just a physical thing anyway. They’d fool around, Jace would work Simon out of his system, and then things would go back to normal.

The iciness in his chest spread down his spine, and crawled up the back of his neck. He pressed his lips together, glancing away.

“If you’re not into this—”

“No! No, I am, I definitely am.” Simon’s hand slid from Jace’s hair to the side of his neck, warm and thoroughly distracting. “Look, I’ve thought about you—and me, um, for a while.” Simon’s gaze flickered between Jace’s face and his chest. “I never thought it would ever actually, like, happen. And I won’t lie, what you got going on there—” his gaze quickly dropped to Jace’s groin, where his own hard cock was pressing against the seam of his jeans, and Jace couldn’t help but smile— “is a little—it’s intimidating. But it’s also really hot.”

Simon’s eyes had somehow grown darker as he spoke, his hands still on Jace’s skin, and Jace licked his lips. Simon tracked the movement as he continued, his words falling out of his mouth almost faster than Jace could keep up with. “All I can think about right now is how good it feels to touch you like this, and if you’ll let me keep touching and kissing and I am so, so into this. I mean, you can feel how much I want you.” And then he grabbed Jace’s hand from his hip, and placed it right over the bulge in his jeans.

All coherent thought left Jace’s brain as he palmed the hard line of Simon’s cock, and Simon made a noise like all the breath had been punched out of him. “Fuck,” he said, letting his head fall back against the brick. “I didn’t really think that through. And I probably shouldn’t just assume you wanna—”

“I wanna,” Jace said, pressing more firmly with his hand, cupping Simon. He placed his other hand on the brick next to Simon’s head and leaned in closer, caging Simon in. A small noise of pleasure fell from Simon’s lips, and Jace made it his mission to see how many different sounds he could get out of Simon before the night was through.

“So if I take you home tonight, you’re not gonna freak out in the morning are you?” He brushed his nose along Simon’s cheek, dragging his lips down his throat, all while steadily dragging his fingers over Simon’s dick. If they weren’t in an alley behind a bar, he’d have his hand down Simon’s pants.

“You’d let me stay the night?” Simon somehow managed to sound both surprised and helplessly turned on all at once.

Jace chuckled, his hand moving up to curl around Simon’s waistband, his knuckles brushing Simon’s stomach. “I think we can keep our mouths occupied enough to not annoy each other.”

Simon chuckled, and the breathlessness of it, from a vampire who didn’t need to breathe, made his heart beat shamefully hard. “I can’t promise no freaking out,” Simon admitted. “But if I do, it will probably be because I can’t believe this is actually happening.” He caught Jace’s eye, grinning and Jace grinned back. He couldn’t remember the last time he smiled this much.

Then Simon looked around. “And that it’s happening in an alley.”

“Yeah.” They should go before someone saw them—not that Jace really cared about hiding it; he was already guaranteed a mountain of shit over this from Alec and Magnus. But the longer he could delay adding Clary and Isabelle to that list of people who knew he wanted to hump Simon’s leg, the better.

Jace pulled away, tugging Simon along by his grip on his waistband. “Let’s go.”

They’d only taken a few steps, walking side by side with their hands brushing when Jace asked, “You sure you don’t wanna go say bye to your groupies?”

Simon rolled his eyes. “They aren’t groupies, dick. If anything, you’re my groupie.”

“Never call me that.”

Simon nudged Jace’s shoulder. “Seriously, remember when you wouldn’t even hug me? And now you’re kissing me in dark alleys and taking me back to your room to have your way with me.”

Jace groaned. “You know what, let’s just forget this entire thing.”

“It’s the James Bond impression, right? It always gets them.”

~~~

They fell silent after that, the only sound their footsteps against the pavement. The walk back to the Institute was short, but it was plenty of time for Jace to replay the past hour in his brain. He kept stealing glances at Simon out of the corner of his eye, and he had to stop himself from yanking Simon into a few more alleys along the way.

With every step, the tension grew, and by the time they stepped through the threshold, it was so thick Jace thought he could reach out and touch it.

He couldn’t, but he could touch Simon. And after they walked through the deserted hallways, Jace grabbed Simon’s hand and pulled him into the safety of his room, locking the door behind him. He’d barely turned around when Simon was on him, shoving him up against the door, kissing him with a determination Jace hadn’t seen out of him before.

Jace melted into it, opening to Simon, the kiss turning deep and dirty nearly instantly. Simon let out a muffled moan against his mouth, and then he slotted their hips together, pinning Jace to the door with his torso. Then he grabbed Jace’s arms, his hands sliding up to his wrists to pin them on either side of his head.

Jace couldn’t help the ragged moan that left his lips; it was exactly like that day when they sparred, when Jace ran out with his dick leading the way.

“You remember that day in the training room?” Simon asked, grinding his thigh against Jace’s cock. “I had you just like this, and your heart started beating so fast.” Simon lowered his head to Jace’s neck, dragging his lips across his pulse point, and Jace angled his head to give him better access. Probably not the smartest thing to do to offer up to a vampire, but approximately zero of Jace’s blood was in his brain at the moment.

“Just like it is right now.” Simon’s voice was low, almost hypnotic, and Jace squirmed beneath him, heat searing through his veins as Simon held him hard and fast.

“I thought you were pissed I had beaten you,” Simon said, his fingers squeezing Jace’s wrists, his lips brushing against Jace’s overheated skin, “but you were turned on, weren’t you?”

Jace grunted; he was so hard it was almost painful, but he was still able to do the same move that he did that day—he twisted his leg and knocked Simon’s feet out from under him. He mourned the loss of the pressure against his body as soon as Simon fell on his ass, but he smirked down at him.

“You didn’t beat me,” he said. Then he tugged his shirt over his head, tossing it to the floor. Simon’s eyes darkened as he looked over Jace’s frame, and Jace stepped forward, pulling at his belt buckle with one hand. “Now do you want to fight or do you want to get naked?”

Simon was a blur as he shot up to his feet, removing his shirt in the same motion. He stopped a few inches in front of Jace, and Jace’s breath caught at having a half-naked Simon smirking at him.

“Is both an option?”

Jace huffed out a laugh. “Always.” And then he reached out and reeled Simon in, kissing him hard.

Jace had always enjoyed kissing, but with Simon it was on another level. He had only been with a handful of guys, and most of them had preferred to skip straight to the main event, which Jace had been fine with. Simon seemed more than eager even to kiss and explore, his hands sinking into Jace’s hair and tracing over Jace’s arms and back.

Jace lost himself in it, in the taste of Simon’s tongue, in how his body trembled beneath Jace’s touch, in how he gasped and moaned and pushed closer when Jace found a sensitive spot. He met Jace for every push and pull; he was just as strong as Jace, and Jace relished that he could kiss and grip as hard as he wanted and Simon would only gasp and hold just as hard.

He wasn’t sure how long they stood there, relishing in the taste and feel of each other, but when Jace finally steered them towards the bed, Simon’s lips were red and puffy, his hair was sticking up everywhere, and he was staring at Jace like he wanted to devour him. A flash of memory hit him, of the sharp pain of Simon’s fangs piercing his skin, and Jace stumbled and basically fell on his back onto the bed.

“You good?” Simon asked, hovering over Jace in an instant, his eyes tracing over Jace’s chest and stomach. He traced his hand down Jace’s chest, and Jace shivered as Simon’s fingers grazed his nipple.

“Yeah,” Jace breathed. Simon lightly tweaked his nipple and smiled as Jace sucked in a breath. Then Simon pinched it, hard, his eyes trained on Jace as a wicked grin crossed his face.

Jace’s cock jumped at the sharp pain, and he grabbed Simon’s wrist, stilling his hand. “Watch it. You keep that up, I might change my mind about sucking your dick.”

Simon’s eyes got wide, and he flattened his palm on Jace’s chest. “You—you want to do that?”

Jace was about to turn himself inside out with how much he wanted to do that. His desire for it surprised even him; it wasn’t his go-to move. He’d only given a few blowjobs before, and they weren’t the best experiences—one guy had gotten too rough with his hair, another didn’t give any warning before he came.

But the sounds Simon had made in the alley just from Jace’s hand on his dick through his clothes were going to fuel his spank bank for years; Jace couldn’t even imagine what he was going to sound like when Jace got his mouth on him. His need to make Simon fall apart against his tongue outweighed anything else in his mind.

But this was Simon’s first time with a guy. While all Jace wanted was to strip him naked and make him scream, he should probably use a little more finesse.

He grabbed Simon’s shoulders and with a quick movement, flipped them so Simon was laying on the mattress, with Jace hovering over him.

“I do,” he said, letting his hand drift over Simon’s neck, down his chest. “But only if you want me to. I know this is all new for you—”

“I want you to,” Simon interrupted, reaching down to flick open the clasp of his jeans. “I am ready to buy my First-Class ticket on the train to Pleasuretown, courtesy of your mouth and tongue.” He froze then as Jace half-groaned and half-laughed.

“Uh, can we pretend I didn’t say that?”

“No,” Jace said. Such an idiot, he thought, but he was unable to stop the small smile from crossing his face. He got his knees under him and slid back, brushing away Simon’s hands so he could pull down the zipper on his jeans. Before he moved to pull them down farther, he looked at Simon’s face. Simon was watching him through heavy-lidded eyes, his lips swollen, hair disheveled, and marks starting to form on his neck from Jace’s kisses. It was the sexiest thing Jace had ever seen, and he felt momentarily lost in a wave of emotion as he took him in.

“You sure?” Jace asked softly, and Simon nodded.

Jace had seen Simon half-naked plenty of times. Before that sparring session, he’d never thought twice about it. He knew, objectively, that Simon was attractive, but he was Simon. And now, splayed out naked on Jace’s bed, lit by the dim light of the bedside lamp, laying against the pillows like he belonged there, he was Simon. With his muscled chest, chiseled abs, toned arms, (seriously, why did Simon hide that body under the baggy jeans and t-shirts he wore?), not even his nervous expression could take away from how beautiful he was. His thick cock jutted out between his thighs, already glistening at the tip, and Jace’s fingers twitched with the need to touch everything he was looking at.

Simon’s gaze flickered nervously between Jace and anywhere else, squirming slightly. Jace trailed one finger down the center of Simon’s chest, over those ridiculous abs as he said, his voice soft but serious, “You’re kind of gorgeous.”

Simon’s mouth fell open, and Jace was sure that if Simon wasn’t a vampire, he’d have a full-body blush going on right now. “I probably should have asked this a half-hour ago, but are you sure you’re not under some kind of crazy magic spell?”

“That’s a fair question,” Jace admitted, letting his fingers ghost over Simon’s hips, around the thatched hair around his cock. Simon shifted under his touch, a tiny strangled sound leaving his mouth. “I don’t think so, but I’m willing to risk it.” He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to Simon’s sternum. “If I do freak out, I’m going to make sure tonight is worth it.” Then, he dragged the flat of his tongue over Simon’s nipple as he reached down and wrapped his fingers around Simon’s cock.

Simon made a noise Jace had never heard before, a strangled gasping moan, and his hand slid into Jace’s hair, pulling it away from his face. Jace looked up at Simon as he stroked him; Simon was staring down at him like he was still in disbelief that this was real life.

“Tell me when you’re close.” Jace slid further down Simon’s body, finally licking a warm, wet path down Simon’s firm abs. It was a thousand times better than his fantasies, because it was real fucking life, with Simon keening above him, his body shuddering with every movement.

Jace paused to drag his teeth over the divot in Simon’s hip, and then he settled between Simon’s thighs. Simon’s hand was still in his hair, but ever so gentle, keeping it brushed away from his face. Jace’s gaze flickered up to see Simon watching him, his pupils blown. Jace maintained eye contact as he wrapped his lips around the head of Simon’s cock.

Simon whimpered, his hips jerking, and Jace used one hand to keep him down against the mattress. Salt burst on his tongue, and he hummed, drawing a muffled curse from above.

“Fuck, Jace, I can’t—you—this will be the shortest blow job in the world, holy fuck.”

Jace pulled off, lazily stroking Simon’s cock as he grinned up at him. “That’s okay. I bet you could get it up again.”

Simon half-snorted, half-gasped as Jace thumbed around his head, using precome to smooth his stroke down the shaft. “Because you’re so attractive all I have to do is look at you to get a hard-on?”

“You said it.” Jace licked a broad stripe on the underside of Simon’s cock, and then sucked him down again, bracing himself on the hand he had pressing Simon into the bed. With the other, he reached down and opened the clasp on his jeans, needing to get some relief to his own hard cock.

It wasn’t the shortest blow job Jace had ever experienced, but it was only minutes later when Simon choked out, “I’m close.”

Jace had never swallowed before, and he hadn’t planned to start now. But instead of pulling off, he found himself taking Simon deeper, until he bumped the back of his throat. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen after tonight, and if this was a one-time thing, he wanted everything he could get. Simon’s hand had been in his hair the entire time, but now he yanked it out, slamming it into the mattress next to him.

“Jace, I’m serious, I’m gonna—I can’t—” Jace squeezed his hip, and then Simon’s body jerked. Seconds later he came in Jace’s mouth, high-pitched gasps falling from his mouth.

Jace swallowed what he could and pulled off, some getting on his chin and on the bedspread. He coughed lightly, wiping at his face and letting his forehead rest on Simon’s thigh. When he had his breath back, he moved up the bed, laying on his side next to Simon.

Simon, who had an arm flung over his face, his mouth turned downward.

Oh, shit, Jace thought. Simon could have at least waited until Jace got off to have his freak out. But the mild irritation instantly faded to concern as Jace slowly reached out to pull Simon’s arm away.

“Hey,” he said in a low voice, “you okay?” Simon was staring at the ceiling, seemingly concentrating very hard on not looking at Jace. He forced himself to be casual, even as worry formed a hard ball in his stomach. “If I’d known a bj would shut you up, I would have done that a long time ago.”

Simon rolled his eyes. “You shut up,” he said, and then he snapped his mouth shut. But Jace had already seen what Simon was trying to hide—his fangs, sharp and ready, now hidden behind his lower lip.

The memory of Simon’s mouth, warm and hungry against his wrist slammed into him again, and he was very quickly reminded of his hard cock that was still straining against his pants. He had to get some breathing room; he squirmed on the bed, shoving his jeans down his thighs and kicking them to the floor. He left his boxers on, he didn’t want to send Simon into cardiac arrest at the first sight of his hard dick, but it was still making its presence known—the tip was barely poking out of his waistband. He quickly adjusted himself before turning back to Simon.

Simon looked a little less stressed, or at least his jaw wasn’t clenching so hard. He appeared to be thoroughly distracted by Jace’s cock, staring down at it with dark eyes. Jace desperately wanted to touch him, but he wasn’t sure if that was what Simon wanted or needed. He propped his head up on his hand and asked, “So is this a, ‘I just came in a guy’s mouth’ freak out or a ‘I want to bite the guy whose mouth I just came in’ freak out?”

“It’s not a freak out,” Simon responded instantly. Jace raised an eyebrow, and Simon said, “Okay, it’s kind of a freak out. But not about you.” His gaze trailed down Jace’s body, flailing one hand helplessly towards him. Jace preened under the attention; he knew what he looked like, in nothing but his black boxer briefs, his pale skin setting off the dark ink of the runes that were scattered all over his body. “Or, not about what we just did, not really, even though it—I just—you—that was—”

“Amazing?” Jace broke in before Simon burst a blood vessel. “Incredible? Life-changing?”

Simon let his head fall back against the pillow, laughing, the tension finally leaving his face. Jace could see that his fangs had receded, and he tried not to think about the pang of disappointment that swept through him.

“You’re so vain.”

“That’s not a no.” Jace slid closer and let a hand drift over Simon’s chest, and Simon immediately reached up and started touching Jace’s wrist, fingers trailing up his arm as they spoke.

“It was my—” Simon pointed to his mouth with his other hand, a sheepish look falling over him. “I can usually control it, but when you—” Jace smirked and let his hand trail further down Simon’s stomach, and Simon shivered, “—it was so good, and they just popped out and I didn’t want you to think that I would—”

“You can,” Jace interrupted, and Simon froze. “If you want.” Simon’s eyes widened, and Jace swore he saw Simon’s cock twitch.

“Fuck. You can’t say stuff like that, Jace.”

“Why not? I’m okay with it, your control’s gotten so much better, and it felt good—”

“Oh, I know it felt good.” Simon exhaled, and yeah, he was definitely getting hard again already. “I was there, and if I hadn’t been nearly dying you would have been able to tell very obviously just how good it felt to me.” He turned to Jace, his brown eyes full of want and worry. “But I don’t—I shouldn’t—”

“Hey.” Jace slid his hand up to cup Simon’s face, pulling him closer. “I trust you. You won’t hurt me.”

The words were out of his mouth before he even realized he was going to say them, and now it was his turn to freeze. He could count the number of people he trusted on one hand, and Simon had never been among them.

Until he was.

Fuck. When had he gone and developed feelings for the little gremlin?

“You do?” Simon asked, his eyes wide again.

“Yeah,” Jace said, still stunned. “I guess I do.”

Simon smiled at him then, big and bright, and leaned in. The kiss was soft and sweet, the complete opposite of the desperation and lust that had been fueling them since they walked through the door.

Then Simon pressed closer, wrapping a leg around Jace’s, and the kiss instantly turned deeper and dirtier, with Simon licking into Jace’s mouth and reaching down to palm his ass.

“Okay,” Simon said when he pulled away, leaving Jace panting. “I trust you too. And please don’t laugh at me, but honestly, I’ve kind of had this fantasy—”

He instantly had Jace’s full attention. “Tell me.”

Simon hesitated, staring at Jace, and then he gently pushed on Jace’s shoulder so he would lay back on the bed. He moved to hover over Jace, and he slid his hand down Jace’s chest, tracing over the runes scattered over his skin. He paused to tweak a nipple, smiling at Jace’s huffed out breath, then down his abs, over the waistband of his boxers to between his legs. He avoided Jace’s cock, instead letting his fingers drift to Jace’s inner thigh, stopping them a few inches below the crease where his thigh met his hip.

“Here,” he said softly.

Jace wasn’t proud of the sound he let out; it was somewhere between a whimper and a moan, and his eyes flutter shut. “By the Angel. Simon, you’re going to be the death of me.”

“I don’t have to—”

“No.” Jace’s eyes flew open, and he pulled Simon down on top of him, kissing him hard. “You are absolutely going to,” he said against his mouth, squirming beneath him. Simon chuckled, kissing him one more time before moving down his body.

“I also really want to blow you,” Simon said into Jace’s neck, right before he splayed his hand directly over Jace’s stiff dick. Jace’s hips jerked, and Simon traced the line of him through the fabric, the words still falling out of his mouth like he couldn’t help it. “Like, I honestly can’t believe how much I want to. But before you come, I could pull off and use my hand, and then bite right when—”

“Simon.” Jace couldn’t believe it, but he was going to give Simon a run for shortest blowjob ever if Simon kept talking. He cupped Simon’s cheek, forcing him to make eye contact. Jace needed to see his face when he asked his next question; he had to be sure. “You really don’t have to sell me here. But you’re sure you’re ready for that?” Please say yes.

Simon stared at him for a moment, his hand still curled over Jace’s cock, and asked, “The blood sucking or the dick sucking?”

This is it; this is how I die. Again. Blue balls via Simon Lewis.

“Both, Simon,” Jace said tightly.

Simon smiled, and then lightly squeezed with his hand, drawing a small gasp out of Jace. “I am,” he confirmed. “You already said you trust me not to hurt you. Can you also trust me to know what I’m ready for?” He took his hand away so he could push up onto his knees and tug at Jace’s boxers. Simon was almost fully hard again, and Jace had to stop himself from reaching out and stroking him.

“I just want to make sure—”

“Will you just shut up and let me blow you?” Simon said in exasperation. “Take your underwear off.”

Jace smirked up at Simon; until the past hour, arguing had been his favorite thing to do with him. “You take it off.”

Simon glared at him for a moment. Then— “Fine.” He reached down, grabbed a fistful of Jace’s boxers, and yanked hard. The fabric tore easily under with super strength, and Simon tossed the cloth over his shoulder.

Jace’s eyes widened as a new wave of heat cascaded over his body; that was stupidly hot. But still— “Was that really necess—oh, shit.” He was cut off by Simon’s hand wrapping around his cock, stroking him from base to tip and back again.

“You’ll tell me if I do anything wrong?” Simon settled between his legs, staring at Jace’s dick like it was the holy grail or the one ring from that movie marathon he’d tried to make everyone sit through. (Jace and Clary were the only ones that made it through all the movies; Clary actually enjoyed it, and Jace thought the fighting was cool.)

“I always do.” Jace’s voice was tight as Simon thumbed at his cock, smoothing wetness around the tip. “Just go slow, and don’t try to take too much. I’ll tell you when I’m close.”

Jace wasn’t sure what he expected, and he didn’t care; he was so wound up he felt like he could explode just from Simon’s warm breath blowing over his skin. But he wasn’t expecting Simon to dive right in, keeping eye contact as he wrapped his mouth around the head of Jace’s cock and sucked him down until he nearly hit the back of his throat.

It was a glorious three seconds of wetness and heat until Simon pulled away, coughing. Jace let out a half-amused, half-irritated noise as he said, “I literally just told you to go slow.”

Simon didn’t respond, just wiped at the corner of his mouth, glanced up at Jace, and leaned down again. He took him in slower this time, licking and sucking, one hand braced on Jace’s thigh, his thumb swiping along the sensitive skin. Right where he’d pointed to earlier, where he wanted to bite Jace. The thought of it made Jace’s heart speed up in his chest, a fast thumpthumpthumpthump, and he knew Simon could hear it from how he hummed and squeezed Jace’s thigh.

Simon was messy and clumsy, but also an incredibly fast learner. He started off tentative at first, sucking at the head, laving his tongue and lips along the shaft, but it seemed like only minutes later he was figuring out how to relax his throat and take Jace in deeper. He used the fact that he didn’t have to breathe to his full advantage, taking his time swirling his tongue in just the right way to make Jace squirm and moan.

“Fuck Simon, are you sure you’ve never done this before?” Jace finally gasped out, after minutes of fisting his hands in the duvet and clamping down on all the words threatening to spill out of his mouth. He was not going to call Simon ‘baby’ or yell out his name or any of that shit. Feelings or not, it wasn’t his style.

Simon pulled off his cock, immediately stroking him with his fist. “Pretty sure I’d remember if I had,” he said, and then he dipped his head low to drag his tongue over Jace’s balls.

“Oh, fuck fuck fuck.” Jace felt as though he was aflame from the inside out; Simon’s mouth and tongue and hands were going to be his undoing.

Then he felt a feather-light kiss against his inner thigh, and his entire body tensed as the buzz of desire in his gut threatened to overtake him. Simon’s hand faltered on his cock, and Jace reached down and wrapped his hand around it, showing him how he liked it to carry him over the edge.

“Do it Simon, I’m so close, baby, please, please, I can’t, I need—”

Simon let out a strangled rasp that sounded like Jace’s name, and then there was a sharp pinch in his thigh. Jace gasped; it hurt, but just as quickly the pain faded into the blunt edge of pleasure, wrapping around him, soaking down into his bones. His orgasm was like a punch to the gut in the best way, and as Simon took a long pull from his thigh, he spiraled higher and higher until it felt like time stopped.

It started again when he felt Simon’s fangs pull out of his skin, and Simon’s high-pitched gasps filled the room. He was light-headed, nearly dizzy, still coming down from the high of one of the most intense orgasms he’d ever had, and when he looked down Simon was kissing over the marks he’d left, licking them clean.

“Come up here,” Jace croaked, and Simon was instantly next to him, wrapping his arms around him.

“Are you okay?” Simon’s voice was worried, and he was cupping Jace’s face, staring at him like he was checking him for wounds. “I didn’t take too much?”

“No,” Jace said, reaching up to touch Simon’s hair. It was so soft, and he was suddenly sad he hadn’t buried his fingers in it when Simon was between his legs. “I feel fucking amazing.”

Simon grinned, leaning down to rest his forehead against Jace’s. “So do I,” he whispered. “You tasted so good. In every way.” He sidled up fully against Jace, tangling their legs together, and in his daze, Jace noticed he wasn’t hard anymore.

“Did you come again?” Jace asked, and Simon looked away sheepishly. Jace was sure he would be blushing if he could.

“Like I said,” Simon pressed a soft kiss to Jace’s mouth, and the tangy, metallic taste of Jace’s blood in Simon’s mouth really shouldn’t be hot, “you tasted really good.” Simon was trembling against Jace, clutching at him, and Jace clutched right back. “That was so—”

“Intense.” Jace maneuvered them so Simon was half-laying on top of Jace, and pulled the duvet over them. “Probably shouldn’t do that too often,” he said, though he really wanted to. Even with his angel blood to protect him from getting addicted, he could already tell that Simon’s bite would be more than enough to push any boundary.

Simon tensed against him, and Jace automatically pulled him in a little closer. “You mean,” Simon started, paused, and then continued, “like the sex part? Or just the blood… part?”

Jace exhaled against Simon’s forehead, his hair lightly fluttering with his breath. There was no way this would be a one-time thing—at least, not if Simon didn’t want it to be. He’d figured it out before his cock had gotten into Simon’s mouth, but now that he’d experienced it, now that he knew what Simon sounded like when he came and what it was like to have all that nerd focus placed squarely on him, he wouldn’t be able to live without it.

“The blood part,” he said, and Simon relaxed. “The sex part we should repeat. Frequently.”

He felt Simon’s grin against his neck, and he turned his head down as Simon angled his up, meeting him in a kiss. “We can add it to our training,” Simon said.

Jace hummed, imagining Alec’s reaction if he walked into the training room at the wrong time. “We may have to rethink our training schedule. It’s going to be hard to keep our focus on the work after—”

“I sucked your brains out through your—”

“—I gave you the best orgasms of your life.”

Simon snorted, but Jace noticed he didn’t protest. Jace turned out the bedside lamp, and they lay there in silence for a few moments, listening to the wind whistle outside. Jace ran a hand lazily up and down Simon’s back as Simon settled more deeply into Jace’s side. Eventually, Jace asked the question that had been rolling around in his head since Simon had nestled up close to him.

“So you think you’ll freak out in the morning? I only ask because it’ll be good to know in advance.” He forced his body to stay relaxed as he waited for Simon’s response. He knew that while things felt warm and safe in the darkness of his bedroom, things could look entirely different to Simon in the morning light.

Simon’s arm curled around him, and he shifted so he was laying on his side, sharing Jace’s pillow. Beneath the covers, their legs tangled together.

“No,” he said. “I’ll only freak out if you do. Do you have any plans for that in the morning?”

Jace grinned. Really, he hoped this whole smiling thing didn’t become a habit. He had a reputation to protect. “My only plans for the morning include finding a fun way to wake you up. And then maybe breakfast.”

Simon smiled, his hand caressing up and down Jace’s waist. “I am fully on board with any fun plans you come up with. And breakfast, too. If I’m uh—invited to that. Not to assume—”

“Simon.” Jace caught his hand, intertwining their fingers together. “I’d love for you to come to breakfast with me. If we’re doing this, we may as well make it known.”

Simon’s smile somehow got so bright Jace was surprised it didn’t light up the entire room. “So we are? Doing this? You and me?”

Jace shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “I mean, if you want. If you don’t think we’ll kill each other and it won’t be too distracting to our training and our work and—”

“Oh it’ll be completely distracting. And we will totally try to kill each other.” Simon squeezed his hand, pressing in close enough for a kiss. “But it’ll be worth it.”

Jace kissed him again, dropping his hand so he could wrap his arm around Simon, slide his fingers into his soft hair and cradle him close. “Yeah,” he whispered against his mouth, “I think it will be.”

~~~

#shrarepairexchange #sh rare pair gift exchange #shrarepair2022 #giftee: amchara

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sh-rare-pair-exchange · 3 years ago

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It's a wrap on Shadowhunters Rare Pair Exchange 2022! I hope everyone had fun creating and receiving their gifts, and have a fantastic year. Hope to see you all again next year 💙

#sh rare pair gift exchange #shrarepairexchange #shrarepair2022

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sh-rare-pair-exchange · 3 years ago

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Rare Pair Reveal!

Hello you lovely humans! I hope you're having a great Valentine's Day, if not celebrating then just hope you're having a good Monday

Now it's time to reveal the absolutely amazing giftsmakers behind every gift! Don't forget to send some love to their askboxes 💙

@bytheangell from @another-random-stranger

@amchara from @rubickk7

@thatnerdemryn from @bytheangell

@sivan325 from @moonlight-breeze-44

@polarnacht1 from @mewsiex

@mewsiex from @jesssssah

@facialteeth from @sivan325

@moonlight-breeze-44 from @thatnerdemryn

@levi-txliesiin from @facialteeth

@rubickk7 from @amchara

@jesssssah from @polarnacht1

@another-random-stranger from @levi-txliesiin

#sh rare pair gift exchange #shrarepairexchange #shrarepair2022 #sh rare pair reveal

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sh-rare-pair-exchange · 3 years ago

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do i want to know?

For @another-random-stranger

Summary: Yeah, Simon might have had a tiny crush on Raphael, but it was no big deal. Really. He was still able to act normal around the other boy (read: he was able to not turn into a stuttering, blushing mess), so it was all fine. Perfectly fine. It wasn’t as if he loved to watch the way Raphael looked in the late afternoon glow of the Sun, and it wasn’t as if he fantasised about messing up Raphael’s hair because he thought Raphael would look absolutely adorable with his hair down instead of forced upward by hair products. Not at all. -- Or: Simon and Raphael 'hate' each other, then don't (read: they finally get their heads out of their asses and kiss). [Title is from Do I Wanna Know? by Arctic Monkeys, who play a pivotal role in this fic]

Read on ao3

Simon and Raphael despised each other. It was a fact, like how the sky was blue, grass was green, and how a straw had two holes (okay, maybe that was traversing into controversial territory, but it had two, and he had a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why).

Anyway, Simon and Raphael despised each other, and contrary to popular belief, it wasn't just because Simon was in the music club, and Raphael was in the cooking one. That was where their rivalry had stemmed, sure, but over time, Simon found a myriad of other things to deeply dislike about Raphael Santiago.

For example, the way he could roll his r's, and the way he rolled them whenever he could. Simon could not roll his r's, so understandably, he was jealous. Another thing Raphael could do that Simon couldn't was arch just one of his eyebrows. Whenever someone said something he disagreed with, or was just being irritating, Raphael would slowly raise an eyebrow. Honestly, it was obnoxious.

And totally unfair.

"You're making googly eyes at Raphael again," Clary said, interrupting his train of thought. She wore a teasing smirk. Her school uniform was slightly ruffled, and her hair was even messier than usual. Simon stopped himself from thinking too much about how her face bore the same flush as Jace's, who was manspreading in a chair a few feet away. Honestly, could heterosexuals not control themselves? And why was Jace here, anyway? He was on the football team, not the cooking or music club.

"I'm not," he retorted.

"Please, you so are," she scoffed. "Just go talk to him already. You have an excuse this time. It's a club meeting. Conversations are supposed to happen."

"Not between two enemies, they aren't."

"God, you're so dramatic," Clary complained. "This is high school, not an action movie."

She took him by the shoulders, and began guiding him to where Raphael was conversing with Isabelle. She ignored his desperate whisper-shouts of, 'Clary, please-' and 'Clarissa Fairchild, you demon-', determined in her plan to put Simon through hell.

Raphael ignored them both when they arrived, only looking at them when Izzy paused the conversation to greet them. "Si, Clare, hi!" she said. "Raph and I were just discussing the budgets - well, budget, I guess, since we share a budget and all - of our clubs, and how to increase it."

"That's nice," he said tersely.

Clary nudged him with her elbow. "That's great! I'm sure Simon has some great ideas." She pointedly ignored the death glare he sent her. "By the way, Iz, where did you get that necklace? It's really cute..."

With that, Clary and Isabelle were quickly enamoured with their own, separate conversation, and Simon had just been betrayed by his own best friend. He thought he might scream in frustration. An irritated groan would have to suffice for now, he decided, because Raphael was standing right there, looking frustratingly seductive-vampire-like.

"You sound like a dying chicken," the boy in question drawled.

Simon squawked indignantly. "I- I do not."

Raphael hummed. "If you're done with whatever you're doing, we should talk about the task at hand." He took a sip from his water bottle. "The shared budget of our clubs is depressingly low. Isabelle and Magnus want to figure out a way to increase it. Though just because they want to, doesn't mean they will."

"Wow, okay, that was very pre-teen-emo-phase of you. Did you have an emo phase? Are you currently going through your emo phase? Because I must say, your rings, chains, and that all-black ensemble really do give off that vibe-,"

"Shut up, Lewis."

"Riiight, yeah, cause you want to focus on how to increase our budget. Tell me, are you so focused on this because of Izzy? And why do you call her 'Isabelle', anyway? Is this like how Magnus calls Alec 'Alexander' because of the romantic connotations? Cause if it is that, then boy, do I have news for you-,"

Ah. There was that eyebrow raise.

"Simon. I'm gay."

Oh.

Well, that certainly was not what he'd expected.

"Woahh," he said, ever so eloquently. "Wow! Aha, same. Well, actually I'm bi, but I'm one of those people who uses 'gay' as a catch-all term mostly but of course, not everyone does that, but I do, and I still acknowledge that bi and gay are different things because obviously bisexuality isn't being half gay and half strai-,"

"I get it," Raphael cut in. Oh, thank god. "Quit rambling."

"Yessir," he chirped.

Raphael smirked. "Now, about the budget?"

----

Music Club + Cooking Club Event!!

*Izzy.L added Super Simon, Clary effing F, Alec.L, Raphael, Magnus the love magnet, Maia ig??, Meliorn, and Jace.L-H to the group chat*

Izzy.L: Hi everyone! As you can see from the title of this group chat, we (the cooking club and the music club) have been so considerately appointed to organise a school event for Valentine’s day. Before you ask, I know my mom is the headmistress, but there is no way I can talk us out of this. I’ve already tried. Izzy.L: Anyway, there isn’t actually a guideline for what we’re supposed to do, so ideas are very welcome. I was thinking of a music festival combined with a bake sale, where the music club would perform, and the cooking club could bake different treats and sell them.

Super Simon: huh Super Simon: oh nice

Alec.L: Why is Jace here? He's not in any of these clubs, he's on the football team.

Izzy.L: He's here bc I want him here

Alec.L: Lmao okay then

Magnus the love magnet: helloooo

Maia ig??: hi!

Izzy.L: hi babeee

Meliorn: hey

Super Simon: @Clary effing F OI GET UR ASS IN HERE

Clary effing F: jfc im here what do u want Clary effing F: hii u guys Clary effing F: what's this gc for?

Alec.L: Scroll up.

Clary effing F: ohh yeah that

Magnus the love magnet: i get the sense you're not too happy about it?

Clary effing f: eh. i mean i love doing this for the school and the students here bc yk, but the principal is making us do this why ? it's not like we're the most well funded clubs out there!

Meliorn: fr fr

Jace.L-H: so true bestie

Maia ig??: HE DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE 🙄🙄✋ Maia ig??: that was a mean girls reference btw Maia ig??: shit did i kill the chat Maia ig??: shit Maia ig??: GUYS.

Super Simon: SORRY I WAS LAUGHING MY ASS OFF HAHAHAHA

Izzy.L: 10 bucks says that Alec was busy googling that reference

Meliorn: probably lmao

Alec.L: We should focus.

Raphael: we should.

Super Simon: oh hey raphael

Raphael: hi.

Izzy.L: FOCUS

Maia ig??: listen to my girlfriend or i beat ur ass

Clary effing F: aww u two r rlly cute <3

Izzy.L: (ty clary ily mwah) Izzy.L: anyway. We should organise the event! Any ideas? Izzy.L: y'all better have ideas 🙂🔪

Meliorn: YES MA'AM WE HAVE IDEAS PLS PUT THE KNIFE DOWN PLS

Super Simon: you get used to it eventually, mel, dw 😔👊

Meliorn: … Meliorn: mel?

Super Simon: idk why i said that sry 😭

Magnus the love magnet: ‘MEL’ LMFAOOO

----

Eventually, the group decided on going with Izzy's initial idea. They would have a bake sale, the profits going to charity, and the music club would perform a series of songs. Magnus had suggested setting up typical carnival games as well, like darts and the hoop toss.

It was currently January 16th, meaning that they had roughly 4 weeks to prepare until Valentine's day. Isabelle said they had to 'divide and conquer', meaning that they would split off into groups and sort out different parts of the event. They had used the sacred online spinning wheel, but Simon swore Isabelle had rigged it so her, Maia, and Clary would be in a group.

Alec, Magnus, and Meliorn were also in a group, because the three of them had 'relationship privileges' since they were all dating.

And of course, Simon had been left with Raphael. Even Meliorn would have been better, despite how he was still embarrassed about the 'Mel' incident a few days ago, but nooo - he had to be with Raphael.

Currently, he was standing outside the Creative Arts building in his school. He was supposed to meet Raphael here to sort out things concerning the event. Clary had driven him, but they split when she ran off to find the rest of her group.

"Have fun with Raphael, Simon!" she had chirped, blowing him a kiss.

Right on cue, a text from Raphael pinged through in his phone.

Raphael: where are you?

Simon: outside

Raphael: i'm in music room 8 Raphael: come here

Simon: alr be there in a sec

Simon pocketed his phone, and walked into the labyrinth that was Idris High's Creative Arts building. He had been going here for years now, and the CA area was one of the places he frequented the most, yet he still had to pause and think about where his destination was.

"That took forever," Raphael drawled once Simon entered the room.

He shut the door, and put his guitar and bag down. "Okay, in my defence, this place is practically a maze. It's like they want students to get lost and be late for class, because there is virtually no other reason to design a building like thi- oh my God you baked heart shaped cookies?"

On the table were, indeed, several heart shaped cookies. And they were adorable. They even had little patterns on them, like stripes or polka dots. They were mainly decorated in pink or red icing, although white or blue could also be spotted in small quantities.

Raphael sighed. "Yes, Simon, they are heart shaped cookies. The theme is Valentine's, so I wouldn't have stars now, would I?"

"I know," he stressed. "But they're so cute!"

"I was hoping, uh, you'd try some of them to see if they're okay. If they're too sweet or not sweet enough, something like that."

"Free food? I'd never pass on that." Simon reached for a cookie, and put the entire thing in his mouth all in one go. It tasted heavenly. He hoped the blissful noise he made successfully communicated that.

"God, Raph, these taste amazing," he said, the nickname slipping unnoticed.

"No criticism?"

He paused to think. "Well, I guess the icing on the top is a little hard to bite into? But other than that, nothing."

"Yeah, I thought so," Raphael exhaled. "Sadly, the ingredients I used at home were from the nearby convenience store, so they weren't the best."

"Hey, man," Simon said. "Don't sound so disappointed in yourself, geez. These are still really good. Gordon Ramsey would be blown away."

A beat of silence.

Then:

"...Thank you, Simon."

"No probs, Raph. You better let me try anything else you make, though."

----

Simon was getting frustrated as he scrolled through the lyrics of countless love songs. Somehow, they all managed to be about sex, yet were still deemed as 'love songs'. Honestly, it was ridiculous how people thought that sex always equaled love.

"Stupid sex songs," he muttered.

He thought he had been quiet, but based on the questioning (and slightly judgemental, but he was choosing to ignore that) look Raphael gave him, he was wrong. Simon gave him a look back, like, 'Ask me, I dare you.'

"Stupid sex songs?" Raphael finally enquired, putting away his notebook. He had been writing down ways to improve his recipes, after receiving criticism from Simon on the cakepops and waffles he had also pre made. "Do I want to know?"

"Probably not," he quipped. "But I'm gonna tell you anyway. So, you know how everyone thinks sex always means love? I mean, sure, people can have sex if they love each other, but it isn't necessary, you know? And, uh, I'm trying to find a love song to perform at the event, buuut all of the ones I've been able to find so far at least have sexual implications. Oh, and there's no way I'm performing some cheesy song from the 80's, although that might genuinely be my only option now."

"I can help you find a song," Raphael offered. "Arctic Monkeys have a few romance-based songs."

"You listen to Arctic Monkeys too?" Simon asked.

He nodded.

"No way, same. Wait, if we're doing an Arctic Monkeys song, we should totally do 'The Bakery'."

"'The Bakery?' A bit depressing, don't you think?" Raphael paused to rummage around in his bag, pulling his phone out. He typed something, presumably into the search bar of google, because Simon didn't think he was bitchy enough to cut their conversation to respond to a text.

"Yeah, the lyrics are literally about how the narrator sees girls at concerts who he knows wouldn't give a shit about him if not for his band," he confirmed.

Simon whistled appraisingly. "Look at you, an English major, music critic, and top notch chef."

Raphael glared. "Just because we have the same music taste does not mean we're best friends all of a sudden."

"Oh, I think it does," Simon countered. "I swear, no one has the same music taste as me, Clary's more of a Taylor Swift person. You should see how passionate gets when talking about Taylor. All other music is trash, apparently."

"Guess you could say she's so casually cruel in the name of being honest." Raphael looked up at the laugh Simon let out. "What? Taylor Swift's cool."

Simon grinned. "Well, well, Raphael Santiago," he teased. "I am learning more about you every day."

And, to be honest, he didn't completely hate this new Raphael he was finding out about.

Simon fiddled with his pencil as he glared at his maths homework. Maybe if he scowled at it long enough, it would disappear and free him from this pain and suffering. Clary was laying on his bed beside him, her sketchbook and other art supplies in front of her. She was sketching him, and he was doing his best to stay still, as much as he wanted to dramatically bury his head in his pillow. Even if he did do that, the drawing would probably end up great, anyway. His best friend was amazing like that.

Suddenly, A notification sounded from his phone, and he scrambled to check it. Anything to divert himself from the loathsome maths, after all.

The text ended up being from Raphael. It was blunt and to the point, as per his style. Simon was used to it by now, seeing as the two of them had been texting fairly frequently over the last couple of weeks. Surprisingly, he had grown to enjoy the other boy’s sarcastic comments. He could only hope that Raphael thought the same.

Raphael: you should do 'Do I Wanna Know' for the event

Super Simon: a bit depressing, don't you think?

Raphael: shush Raphael: don’t mock me Raphael: it was just a suggestion

Super Simon: a good suggestion that i haven't rejected yet Super Simon: and i wasn’t mocking you chill 🙄

Raphael: k, geez. Raphael: i wonder if you’ll be able to see your brain if you roll your eyes far back enough Raphael: oh wait you don’t have a brain

Simon couldn’t help but laugh, earning a look from Clary.

“Who’re you texting?” she prodded, trying to get a peek of his phone. Simon yanked it away from her reach.

“Just Raphael,” he replied nonchalantly. “Ooh, just Raphael, huh?” she teased. “And tell me, why is Raphael making you laugh like that? Are you sure you guys aren’t in looove?”

“Clary, we hated each other up until 2 weeks ago.”

“The line between hate and love is very, very thin, my friend. Maybe all this time you’ve wanted to punch him, you’ve actually wanted to punch him on the lips. With your lips-” Her words ended in a shriek of laughter when he threw a pillow at her, hitting her square in the face.

Soon, they were both giggling madly as they attacked each other with pillows and blankets. They'd both be exhausted from their laughing afterwards, but at least he wouldn't have to do his homework anymore.

----

“Okay!” Simon announced. “This is my garage, I guess.” He lifted up the bottom of the garage door; it should have gone up the rest of the way on its own, but apparently it didn’t want to today. Right when he had a guest.

“Uh, sorry, let me just-” he fumbled with the metal gate, and ended up having to push it, resulting in a very awkward silence as he jumped to push it all the way up. “Finally,” he grumbled. He turned back to look at Raphael, and blushed slightly when he noticed the smile on the other boy’s face.

“This!” Simon said, walking in. “Is my sacred garage, where I am able to blast music as loud as I can without my mom yelling at me.”

“Charming,” Raphael quipped, although strangely, he sounded less sarcastic than usual.

Simon decided not to think about it any further, because a) he did not have the brain cells for it right now, and b) once he started thinking, he’d never be able to stop - especially when it came to Raphael.

Yeah, Simon might have had a tiny crush on Raphael, but it was no big deal. Really. He was still able to act normal around the other boy (read: he was able to not turn into a stuttering, blushing mess), so it was all fine. Perfectly fine.

It wasn’t as if he loved to watch the way Raphael looked in the late afternoon glow of the Sun, and it wasn’t as if he fantasised about messing up Raphael’s hair because he thought Raphael would look absolutely adorable with his hair down instead of forced upward by hair products.

Not at all.

“Why did you invite me here again, Lewis?”

Oh, yeah, and even if his crush had been anything more than a brief infatuation (which it wasn’t), there was no way Raphael would ever like him back. His previous question pretty much confirmed that.

It was okay, though. Simon had crushed on a long list of people who hadn’t liked him back. He guessed it would be the same with Raphael.

“I gave you advice on your cookies and snacks, so I figured you could give me advice on my music,” he replied. I just wanted to spend time with you, because I’m scared that once the event is over, we’ll go back to ignoring each other again.

“I have a feeling there will be great room for improvement.”

“Ouch. What happened to the Arctic Monkeys fan solidarity we had 2 weeks ago?”

“Never existed. Terribly sorry to crush your dreams, Simon.”

“Okay, first of all, I do not dream of you,” he argued. “Second of all, we should get started. Oh, and third of all, I’m gonna sing ‘Do I Want to Know?’ first.”

“I’m glad to see you accepted my suggestion.”

“Only for you, Raph,” he cooed, blowing a kiss. He only realised what he’d done too late.

“I- I’m so sorry, I have no idea why I did that.” He cringed.

Raphael seemed to be recovering himself. If he didn’t know better, Simon would say that Raphael was blushing.

“I-it’s fine, Lewis,” he cleared his throat. “Just sing already.”

Simon complied, picking up his guitar as well as the microphone and the microphone stand. He rifled through a folder of sheet music, eventually brandishing the notes for his chosen song.

"Get ready to be blown away by my enchanting voice, Raphael Santiago," he stated dramatically, and began playing the opening notes.

He didn't need the lyrics; he had practised this song so often, trying to perfect his performance in order to impress Raphael, that he knew the words off by heart now.

As he sang, he closed his eyes. He decided to just do his best, and stop worrying about what Raphael would think, because he'd definitely mess up that way. Nevertheless, his heart was beating fast, nerves coiled around his throat.

Simon ended the song at last, opening his eyes. Tentatively, he smiled at Raphael, who was watching him intently. Suddenly, he got up and walked up to Simon, an unreadable expression on his face.

“I can’t tell if that look on your face is bad or good, b-” he was promptly cut off by Raphael pressing their lips together, and-

Oh.

That felt good. Raphael’s lips were smooth - that was the first thing Simon took note of. They were blissfully smooth.

Raphael smelled good, too. His scent was a mixture of fabric softener and expensive smelling cologne, which was obnoxious but at the same time undeniably attractive. Kissing him was probably one of the best things ever, and-

Simon nearly whined at the loss of Raphael’s presence as the other boy pulled away.

“I- I shouldn’t have done that,” Raphael said.

“What?”

“I should go.”

“No, Raph, wait-,”

But it was too late. Raphael had walked out the garage, not even bothering to take his notebook with him.

Simon missed him already.

----

Simon hadn’t talked to Raphael in 9 days.

It was killing him.

Not literally, although the Raphael Santiago-sized hole in his heart made him feel like he really was about to die sometimes.

He had texted the other boy 20 times in total. When it became clear Raphael wasn’t going to respond, much less read the messages, he had given up. Of course, that didn’t mean Simon stopped thinking about him entirely - hell no. Clary, Izzy, Alec, and Jace could testify to that.

It was the day of the event, after school. The music and the cooking club had to stay after classes to set everything up; the event was to start at 4pm, which gave them about an hour to sort everything out.

The two clubs were outside in the football field, setting up stands, tuning their instruments, and goofing around with each other. A small stage had been set up, big enough for the music club and their instruments to stand on. Alec was strumming a soft song on his guitar, interrupted every few seconds by Isabelle loudly hitting her drums. She laughed every time Alec glared at her, pretending to be annoyed.

Simon, on the other hand, was watching Raphael plate the last of the cookies he'd made. Neither of them had tried to talk to each other, although every bit of him wanted to go up to Raphael and kiss him. Gently, at first, and then more passionately, because Raphael deserves tenderness and devotion and Simon so desperately wanted to give that to him.

"Simon?"

He turned around to see Clary. She looked even more worried than usual. He had told her about everything that happened with Raphael, and, like the amazing best friend she was, she had offered to 'talk'/yell at the 'pathetic Santiago dude who had hurt her best friend'.

"I'm fine," he assured. "Just thinking about how awkward the rest of the event will be."

"Well, I talked to Magnus," she said. "I can't tell you everything, but let's just say that it'll be better for everyone if you and Raphael just talked it out."

"Clary, you know I've texted him, like, a million times. He doesn't want to talk to me."

"Just give it time, Si," she relented. "Gonna go check on everyone else now. I love you!"

"I love you too!"

----

The field was alight with chatter, friends dragging each other around to the different game stands, stuffing their mouths with sugary snacks. Simon was pretty proud of them all, considering their small numbers. The evening was going great so far, if he didn't count the fact that he and Raphael were still avoiding each other.

Pretty soon, it was time for Simon to go up onstage and sing. They had decided he would do a solo performance - 'Do I Want to Know?', of course. He slung his guitar over his chest, drumming his fingers on it nervously. The buzz of the event had mainly died down by now, and a majority of the crowd was gathered at the foot of the stage. This meant that a lot of people would be watching him. But no pressure, yeah?

Simon cleared his throat as he went up on stage. "So," he began. "This song is actually for someone. I'm not gonna namedrop, because I'm pretty sure they'd kill me, but you know who you are."

With that, he began singing.

The words flowed off his tongue. It was pretty much quiet, although not in a bad way. It was more like the audience was giving him the opportunity to get his message across to that special person. He kept his gaze fixed on the notes, although he didn't actually need them. They were more of a distraction, to keep him from searching for Raphael in the crowd.

It was only when he finished singing did he look up, and see the boy in question looking right at him.

Simon hastily thanked the audience for listening, watching, or something like that, and speed-walked offstage in his hurry to get to Raphael.

Whe he did come face to face with him, however, it was nearly entirely too much. Raphael looked beautiful in the sunset light, his eyes filled with something akin to a nervous hope.

“Hi,” Simon breathed. “I’m guessing you got the message.”

He nodded wordlessly. “I- Simon, I feel the same way…”

“Why am I sensing a ‘but’ in this sentence? If you like me and I like you, what the hell’s the problem?”

“Simon, I’m asexual,” Raphael confessed. “I just- I can’t give you the things you want when it comes to anything further than kissing, and-”

“Raphael, listen to me,” he demanded. “I don’t mind if you’re ace. I care, because it’s a part of you, and I care about you, but I don’t mind if we’ll never have sex. Now, can I please kiss you?”

“Yes,” Raphael all but pleaded. In the end, though, it was Raphael who kissed him. He didn’t care - as long as they could do this, as long as they could kiss, he didn’t give a damn about who initiated it.

This time, when they pulled away, Simon wasn’t as sad, comforted by the knowledge that they’d be able to do this again.

“Simon! Raphael!” someone - several someones - called. The two of them turned around in unison; it was, well, everyone. Clary, Isabelle, Maia, Alec, Magnus, Meliorn, and even Jace.

“Guys!” Isabelle shrieked, engulfing them both in a hug. “Guess what!”

“What?”

“Our budgets! They were increased!” she exclaimed. “My mom just told us a few minutes ago. Oh, guys, this is amazing!”

“It is,” Raphael agreed. Simon nodded along enthusiastically.

“Come on!” Magnus called. “We can have a sleepover at mine!”

Everyone whooped in excitement. Simon grinned at Raphael, holding out his hand. Raphael took it immediately, intertwining their fingers. Together, they walked after the group. Clary would 100% demand details later, but for now, Simon’s universe had narrowed down to where their hands were joined.

Yeah, he thought to himself. This was a great night.

#shrarepairexchange #shrarepair2022 #sh rare pair gift exchange #giftee: another-random-stranger

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sh-rare-pair-exchange · 3 years ago

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A Shift In Perspective

For @sivan325 To Sivan: I was thrilled to receive your prompts; hurt/comfort, self-harm, hurt Alec, angst, and self-esteem issues are some of my favourite things to write. I tried to do my best at a misunderstanding/ miscommunication for you as well! Hopefully you enjoy this, and thank you so much for allowing me to write for you <3

Summary: Jace and Magnus remind Alec that, though their relationship may not be perfect, they will always love him for exactly who he is.

Read on ao3

Alec gritted his teeth and sank his fist into the punching bag again, closing his eyes against the jolt of pain that raced up his wrist. He knew without needing to see them that his eyes were dark and stormy, his posture rigid. He needed to blow off some steam. He’d never be able to get any work done if he didn’t deal with the emotions that had become like a cement block in his chest.

Stupid.

Alec punched again.

Blue-black memories, like bruises, invaded Alec’s mind as he worked the punching bag over, and he fought hard to push them away. Jace’s words had hurt, and Alec hated that he was reacting this way over something so stupid. And then when Magnus hadn’t done anything? Hadn’t tried to speak to him afterwards or comfort him? Well, Alec hardly had a choice but to feel that he was the problem.

So what if Jace and Magnus wanted to spend time with each other, alone? Away from Alec? Jace had been right when they’d spoken about it that morning; Alec was a buzzkill, and he could hardly blame Magnus for wanting to take Jace to Pandemonium and have fun in ways that Alec would never be able to really enjoy.

So fucking what.

Alec couldn’t believe he was hurt and upset over a few simple words; over a truthful rendition of his character and what kinds of things he would like. He should be grateful that his boyfriends weren’t asking him to go; he knew and they knew that he would hate trying to party with Jace and Magnus. He just wasn’t like them.

Alec bit his lip against the sudden onslaught of tears that stung at his eyes, and delivered another bone-crushing punch to the bag in front of him. That was the heart of it, he knew; he was upset because he knew that, compared to Jace, Alec had nothing to offer Magnus, and compared to Magnus, he had nothing to offer Jace. He was the odd one out, all the time. And he couldn’t exactly blame them. He wasn’t fun, or adventurous, or outgoing. He was boring. Jace had certainly said it enough times to him for the words to sink their claws in.

A fine tremor erupted in Alec’s hands at the thought, or maybe as a result of the abuse he was putting them through, and he took a shaky breath, trying to resist the urge to cry. He needed to deal with this. His hurt wasn’t valid, he knew; Jace hadn’t been wrong when he had called Alec a buzzkill, and explained that he and Magnus would have more fun without him. But that didn’t change the pool of pain that curled in his stomach as he threw another punch.

“Alec?”

The voice came from the doorway to the training room, and Alec whirled around to see Jace, standing in the silhouette of the entryway with his arms folded across his chest. Behind him, Alec caught sight of Magnus, waiting and twisting his rings nervously. They looked worried, and Jace looked almost sheepish.

“What do you want?” Alec replied, swallowing hard to force his voice to sound steady and controlled.

“I – uh – I came to apologise,” Jace said, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. He lifted his head to meet Alec’s gaze, and there was sincerity in them. Alec softened a little. “I think what I said this morning might have hurt you. Am I right?”

Alec nodded, the movement miniscule and meek. He felt stupid. Jace’s words hadn’t been untrue, and he had always asked his partners to be honest with him. If he couldn’t handle the truth, then he was weaker than he’d thought.

Jace moved further into the training room, Magnus trailing behind him, stopping a few feet away from Alec. He looked like he wanted to reach out, but wasn’t sure how the gesture would be received. Alec’s heart ached. He hated feeling any sort of distance between them.

Jace cleared his throat and, reaching for Magnus’s hand in a movement that looked almost unconscious, began: “I’m sorry, Alec. I didn’t think about how that might make you feel. I, uh �� ” Jace broke off, dropping his gaze to the floor. His cheeks flushed with embarrassment and shame. “I know you don’t always think too highly of yourself, and you have no idea how sorry I am that I might have contributed to that, uh. That thought process.” He ran one anxious hand through his golden blonde locks, and Alec shifted on his feet, trying to relax his posture to make Jace feel more at ease. “I didn’t mean to imply that Magnus and I don’t think you’re fun to hang out with, or that we don’t want to spend time with you. That wasn’t what I meant at all. Can I – would it be okay if I explained to you what I did mean?”

Alec nodded again, not trusting himself to speak.

Jace smiled, a tiny, hopeful flicker of warmth, and said, “What I meant was – I didn’t want to force you into a situation where I know you would be uncomfortable.” He shot a quick glance back at Magnus. “Neither of us do.” He gave Alec a hesitating look, unsure, and asked, “What, um, what specifically hurt you about what I said? Did I not choose my words right, or did you assume something different than what I meant, or – ?”

Alec swallowed hard around the lump in his throat, blinking back the stubborn remnants of tears at Jace’s words, and replied, “You were pretty much right with what you said at first. I just thought – I thought you meant that you and Magnus would rather hang out with each other than with me. That I was too boring, or, or not fun to be around.”

Speaking the words aloud made a flush rise to Alec’s cheeks; Raziel, he sounded stupid.

Jace’s expression fell, and to the side, Alec saw Magnus’s face crumble a bit, too. “That’s not at all what I meant,” Jace said vehemently, and Alec watched as tears welled up in his eyes, making the heterochromatic irises glassy with emotion. “Magnus and I love spending time with you, Alec. The only reason we didn’t invite you to go to Pandemonium tonight was because we didn’t think you would enjoy it. We know you don’t like crowds, or loud music, and we don’t want to put you in an uncomfortable situation. I-I never meant to make you feel like that, parabatai. I was teasing you, and I should have stopped and recognised the signs that you were upset. I’m sorry, Alec.”

“It’s okay,” Alec replied, exhaling hard. It felt like the weight of a thousand worlds had been lifted from his shoulders. “I just – I don’t know. Thank you for explaining and apologising.”

“Of course,” Jace replied strongly. “I would never hurt you on purpose, Alec, and I’m sorry that I did at all.”

“It’s okay,” Alec repeated, and he crossed the small space between them to pull Jace into a tight hug. “I’m sorry I didn’t communicate well with you. I should have told you I was upset instead of letting it go. I’m sorry.”

Jace hummed in acknowledgement of the apology, running his fingers through Alec’s dark hair. A second hand joined it soon, and Magnus’s voice began a litany of “Shhh, angel” and other soothing phrases. Alec relaxed into Jace’s arms, blanketed by Magnus on his other side, and allowed a few tears to escape. He was safe here.

“I’m sorry, too,” Magnus murmured into Alec’s shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to the exposed patch of skin there. “I should have recognised that you were hurting. I shouldn’t have let you leave this morning without checking on you.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Alec mumbled, his voice muffled by the fabric of Jace’s t-shirt. “You had no way of knowing. I didn’t express myself clearly.” He felt Magnus nod behind him, and then a second set of arms were joining Jace’s around his waist. Alec exhaled hard and relaxed into the double-sided embrace.

This is where I belong.

“I love you both,” Magnus spoke up, echoing Alec’s and Jace’s thoughts.

“We love you too,” Jace replied, and Alec hummed in agreement. He really did.

They lapsed into silence for a few minutes, simply savoring the love and warmth that came from being so close to each other after such an emotional moment. Eventually, though, Alec broke the silence, clearing his throat. He forced his hands to still from where they were locked around Jace’s waist; he had no reason to be nervous. He could do this.

“Um – if it’s alright with you – do you think you could skip going to Pandemonium tonight and just do something for the three of us? Like a movie night or something? I don’t mind if you go another night, just maybe – I don’t know – I was hoping tonight we could stay together.”

Magnus leaned forward to press a kiss to Alec’s cheek at the same time Jace sealed his lips in a kiss, and he smiled, melting at the attention. Raziel, he had the best boyfriends in the world. “Of course we can,” Magnus answered, and Jace nodded, their foreheads touching as their lips parted. “I think we all feel the same way, Alexander, that tonight should just be for the three of us.”

“Okay,” Alec exhaled with relief. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank us, my darling. We would do anything for you.” Jace echoed the sentiment with a small hum of agreement. Alec smiled and leaned back into Magnus’s arms, giving Jace’s side a small squeeze, relaxing into the comfort – the security – the love. I love you.

Jace responded by squeezing Alec’s hand tightly, and Magnus pressed a soft kiss to his collarbone. Alec knew what they were saying without the words: We love you too.

#shrarepair2022 #shrarepairexchange #sh rare pair gift exchange #giftee: sivan325

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sh-rare-pair-exchange · 4 years ago

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Hear ye hear ye, Shadowhunters Rare Pair Gift Exchange is here!

Hello everyone! Welcome to the first gift exchange for the rare pairs in this well loved fandom! We are aiming to show our love to the lesser known pairings, and for that, you can sign up to make gifts and receive in return!

How It Works:

You MUST HAVE a tumblr.

You can make any sort of creations, fics, gifs, edits, drawings, videos etc for any pairings OTHER THAN MALEC.

You will receive your assignments via email after sign ups close.

After that you will have SEVEN WEEKS to make your gift.

GIFT SUBMISSION BY: 6th February, 2021

The gifts will be posted on the weekend of Valentine's Day, which is Feb 14, and giftmakers will be revealed the week afterwards.

Remember:

ALL PAIRINGS EXCEPT MALEC are allowed.

All sorts of creations are allowed.

There will be no kink or ship shaming.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask! Again, you are requested to check for the automatic response email and inform if it's not in your inbox/spam/bin.

(Signal boosts are appreciated!)

#shrarepairexchange #shadowhunters #sh rare pair gift exchange #signal boost

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sh-rare-pair-exchange · 3 years ago

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Fight The Future

For @polarnacht1

I hope you like your fic, it was forged in the pits of despair and late-night inspiration and I did my best to write something my dear fandom friend would enjoy.

Summary: Alec is salty at Jace for giving the new girl attention at his expense. He feels that Jace is neglecting the parabatai bond to chase after Clary, and after the memory demon, Alec feels even more betrayed and left out in the cold. When he does approach Jace to clear the air, the conversation doesn't really go like in the series and 100% Jalec ensues.

Read on Ao3

Jace wakes up with a start, looking outside. It’s still dark, but birds are starting to sing. Soon, dawn will crack and everything will slowly be enveloped in light. That’s when Alec wakes up, from the first rays of sun in the distance, shyly reaching into his room and caressing his face.

But Jace is faster than that, and plus, he has an interest in reaching Alec before the sun does. Barefoot and wrapped in a blanket, he slips into his trainers, not lacing them this time, and on footfalls soft like a cat’s, he makes his way to Alec’s room below. Once at the door, he simply slips in, because no matter how many locking runes Alec stacks on his door and walls, they do not work against his own soul, which also lives in Jace, who takes full advantage of that.

Fortunately for Alec, the extent of Jace’s selfish intentions is to sneak into his room before dawn and climb into bed with him, burrow into his arms and just savour the last few minutes of peace before the day starts, together with his parabatai. Jace is the stronger one of them, but he does need more recharging. He seeks Alec’s closeness and needs it a lot more than the other way around. All this time, Alec is denying himself the comfort of being close to his parabatai like the bond demands most of the time, for reasons Jace fails to see or understand, and Alec shuts down and gets morose if he brings it up. But for now, Alec is still blissfully asleep, subconsciously having left room for Jace in bed since he sleeps on one side of the bed instead of in the middle, and while his bed is big enough for three of him, Jace likes to splay out and sleep in weird positions.

Carefully, Jace sheds the blanket he had around himself and toes off his trainers, climbing under the cover and snuggling close against his parabatai’s side. Alec feels the new warmth and weight pressing close and sleepily adjusts himself, wrapping his arms around Jace and pulling him near, taking one deep inhale with his nose in Jace’s golden strands, then falling back asleep with a contented smile on his face.

It’s later in the morning, but still early when Alec wakes up, the first rays of the sun tickling his face and making him need to sneeze. But it could also be Jace’s hair, since it turns out his bed again has an invader who crawled all up in his business, until his nose ended up buried in gold strands. He tries to extricate himself from around and under Jace without waking him, although he knows he stands no chance. It’s always the same push and pull, everything is a game to Jace. A game for him to win. “Where do you need to be this early? No one else is awake.” Jace says, sounding suspiciously clear for someone who just got jostled awake. “I bet even demons are sleeping in their slimy, disgusting little cots at this hour.” “This is when I wake up. Deal with it.” Alec says, sighing and rolling his eyes. “Not everyone is as lazy as you.” “I’m not lazy, I preserve energy.” Jace says, tightening his hold around Alec and somehow making himself impossibly heavy, so that Alec simply cannot move from under him. “I need to pee, asshole. Let me go.” Alec presses out through clenched teeth. “You’re not going to make me wet my bed, are you? We’re grown men.” “Of course not.” Jace says, moving off of his parabatai and looking at him disapprovingly. “I just wanted a few more minutes. We were so warm and cozy under there. Then your bladder had to ruin it all. And we’re not grown men, how is nineteen and twenty-one grown?” “I can drink in mundane bars.” Alec says. “And we’re Shadowhunters. We’re grown since the moment we got our first rune.” He stops as soon as he said that and he disappears in the adjacent bathroom, sighing. Jace got runes earlier than any child and Michael Wayland was not a particularly soft and mothering type. He did a lot of things to Jace that no child should have to power through or defeat just to stay alive or be allowed to be warm, rested and fed. Alec regrets putting his finger on that particular wound from Jace’s past just for the sake of self-defence in a low-stakes banter. Once he pees and freshens up a bit, he returns to his bedroom, where Jace is still in bed, his bare top half and his bare feet peeking out from under the covers. It’s enough for Alec’s imagination to go places he tried time and time again to forbid it to go to. Why does Jace have to be so alluring and then cruelly dangle it in front of Alec with no intention of ever letting him have a taste. It’s the supreme torture. Look, but don’t touch. Touch, but don’t taste. Taste, but don’t swallow. There is no greater hell, Alec thinks, trying to make his whole body wind down to a normal, placid state. He should not blame Jace either. It is his flaw that he is so vulnerable, so easily rendered powerless by Jace being so pretty, so soft, so warm and so clingy. And it’s his responsibility to fix this flaw in his nature, that makes him so weak to his parabatai’s mere presence, let alone closeness. It is a secret he must take to the grave, Alec thinks. Or find ways of managing, without affecting the relationships in his life and without hurting those he loves. Because it’s not just alright, but also expected of him to love his parabatai. But not like this… not in this gross and animal way, which stubbornly resists his attempts at discipline. If his mother knew, she’d kill him on the spot for once again covering their family name in shame just by existing in this way. For now, he has no choice but to look at Jace, who is still in his bed, slightly flushed from being warm under the covers, smiling at him and reaching for him, beckoning him to come back. It’s not right. They are men. They should not be snuggling together under blankets like children, no matter how good it feels. And frankly, Alec doesn’t see why Jace doesn’t realise how childish he is being.

Much later in the day, they’ve been training for hours and Alec is starting to see green dots dancing in front of his eyes. He shouldn’t have said no to that protein shake earlier. He’ll have one once training is over. But before he can take a break and refuel, he finds himself sparring with Jace, long after everyone else finished in the gym and left for dinner and their respective assignments for the night. Fighting with Jace like this is always high energy, wild and explosive, and Alec often finds himself barely keeping up, because, while taller and with a longer reach, he is not as fast or as determined as Jace and, while he can cleave his way around quite a few demons in battle, against Jace he is often just defending himself and blocking the blows which keep coming at a rate he can often not even process. Even with runes, there’s no way for him to match Jace (and you’d think angels would want to give each of their children a fighting chance, but okay, Alec has never been anyone’s first choice so he can live with that). As soon as he lets the thought of no one ever choosing him take centre stage in his mind, Alec’s concentration breaks and he sees himself hitting the training floor with his back, almost breaking it, if it weren’t for Jace’s quick reflexes cutting in, making Jace turn him on his side to avoid the painful impact. But, as soon as Alec is firmly on the floor, Jace is on top of him, straddling him victoriously and twisting his arm with no trace of his previous consideration for Alec’s bones. “Yield.” Jace almost sings the word, his elation at winning once again audible in the word.

“Asshole.” “Ah, but I’m your asshole and you love me.” Alec can only make an inarticulate sound in response, the pain from his arm tethering him to his body and reminding him he is under Jace, who sits on his lower back feeling incredibly heavy for someone as lean as him. He can’t really concentrate on the banter, because the feelings and sensations he loves to hate are taking over him. It starts with shame at being defeated, which is more of a reflex to him, then it progresses to relief, elation and a sense of peace, maybe even joy, that have his soul floating somewhere fuzzy and pleasant and leave his body on edge. Also, Jace being pressed flush against him, his every contour discernible through the thin workout pants, only amplifies his body’s response. Alec hates it. He hates that it gets to him so much, that he looks forward to these moments and they are the highlight of his week. It’s the one time when he no longer has to pretend and let go of his constant self-control. He feels dirty and broken for loving this, for feeling so right whenever he finds himself beneath Jace, yielding to him. And Jace never forces him past a certain point, it’s like a dance they do. Jace will be on top of him, immovable and unnaturally heavy, and he will thrash a bit, looking like he minds he’s under Jace, then Jace will tighten his grip and wait, with his cocky raised eyebrow and an indulgent smile, for Alec to be comfortable enough and choose when and how he taps out. Because, underneath it all, that’s what it’s about. Alec loves giving in. Not unjustly, but when Jace subdues him after besting him in combat, he feels pure relief, euphoria even, to just give in and let Jace know he’s won and has the choice to still keep him there a bit, to savour his win, or to let him go. And now? If only Alec could just get out of his own way for a moment. Jace is still waiting, still holding his arm in a vice grip, but the torsion stopped. Alec is still consumed with the sensations fighting to take the foreground inside him. The exhaustion from the fight, the adrenaline, the relief he feels every time he finds himself under Jace like this, and something else he does not dare put a name to. “Ah, fuck it.” Jace announces and releases Alec’s arm, but before Alec can buck up and try to shake him off, he flops forward onto Alec’s back and chuckles softly in his ear. “I can do this all day, I have nowhere pressing to be.” Alec fully intends to huff out his annoyance at Jace being a pest again, when he feels fingers in his hair, pulling his head to the side, and lips on his deflect rune. First soft and teasing, barely there, then full on sucking on the skin. The sound that leaves Alec’s lips sounds alien to him. “Yield,” comes Jace’s low-spoken command. Alec’s whole body does, before he can decide to still put up a resistance or not, and now he realises with horror what the mounting tension and that other thing he didn’t dare to name were, as he feels the wetness in the front of his briefs soak through the fabric of his workout pants as well. He only remembers to tap out because his body recalls being in this position often.

“Wow, Alec are you okay?” Jace asks, finally seeming to snap out of his weird cuddle-mode, after rubbing himself against Alec beneath him the way a cat rubs itself on a dead fish it found. It’s as though he finally remembered Alec is someone else, not his personal scratcher and small touch dispenser. He slips off of Alec’s back and lies down next to him, waiting. “Actually this is a good spot. Everything looks so distant and unimportant from this angle.” Jace comments, slipping his hand into Alec’s nearby one. “No really, are you okay?” “Yeah, fine.” Alec says eventually, still feeling like someone filled him with lava and screwed the lid back on. “Just tired I guess. Why did you have to do that to my poor rune?” “You were not reacting! You weren’t responding to pain and I didn’t have a good spot to tickle.” “Well, it fucking worked, too well I might add. I’m here now. And will be feeling like I’m full of bees for the rest of the day.” “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just wanted to snap you out of whatever that was.” “I don’t know what that was myself. But it might be a while until it passes.” “Hey, do you think maybe one of those huge plants you walked into in the Seelie realm gave you some weird shit? You were covered in pollen at some point when we got out of there last week.” “Maybe,” Alec says, removing his hand from around Jace’s and turning to also lie on his back on the floor of the gym. Jace slips his hand in Alec’s again and sighs. “I don’t feel any different than before, certainly not worse.” Alec says, closing his eyes. The cause of how he’s been acting lately is lying next to him, with his smaller hand pushed obstinately in his. Jace is his heaven and his hell, and he has no idea how he’s going to cope with it going forward. The older they get, the less acceptable Jace’s over-affectionate ways will be and the less they will be allowed the same level of intimacy they are allowed now. And Alec still has to find a way to handle his less than angelic needs and urges, the ones which have been tormenting him ever since Jace turned seventeen and Alec’s body let him know they were no longer two kids shivering under one blanket. Just the thought of that makes him feel cold inside and alone. He hates that he’s alone with this big ugly secret and that he has no one to at least talk to.

Clary’s arrival shakes Alec’s world from the ground up. Actually, no. He feels like his life has been put into a blender and someone added a sack of dogshit in there, then put it all on the highest speed setting. Jace acts like he’s possessed, following the new girl around like a little puppy. It’s disgusting to witness and Alec does not have the heart to stick around and watch, for his own sanity, but also, he feels he has to, because if he doesn’t keep a clear mind, his parabatai will get himself killed on his mad quest to help Clary and also get into her pants. It all comes to a head in a cemetery, late at night, as they are having a heated argument about the ways and the extent to which they’ll help Clary, standing next to a weapons cache that Jace knew about. But the fake grave did not hide a bow and arrows, so Alec has to return to the Institute for his own weapons. However, before he goes, he tells Jace how much he doesn’t appreciate that Jace, otherwise capable of prolonged focus in battle, is ready to get them all killed just because he desperately wants to get laid. It’s when Alec sees a new expression on his parabatai’s face, although he thought he’d seen them all. It’s disgust, mixed with disappointment and betrayal, and Alec instinctively knows he’s crossed a line and he cannot go back behind it. “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” Jace says, and the mission carries on, although Alec now feels like his mistake takes bigger and bigger proportions. It’s even more terrifying that Jace let it go so gracefully, because this is very unlike him and Alec feels himself get sick with worry about what his latest mistake will mean for his future with his parabatai. What if this was the final drop and Jace decides he’s done with the whole parabatai stuff and walks out on Alec? What if Jace is so deeply wounded by his words that he does something reckless and gets himself killed? He looks death straight in the eye countless times, more often now that the new girl is in the picture, but that’s business as usual for Alec. What isn’t usual at all is the distance between him and Jace at daytime and during missions. The bond starts to let him know Jace is in actual pain from staying away for so long, and that knowledge crushes Alec. Even though he hates that his parabatai took an interest in a mundane girl, he hates the fact that Jace feels unsupported and without his parabatai having his back even more. At night though, once everyone settles for sleep, Jace lets himself into Alec’s bedroom. “Scoot over.” Jace says, looking like this day in particular got to him. And nothing ever really gets to Jace. Alec is tempted to ask him why he doesn’t go to snuggle with his new favourite person, but he reconsiders, and instead does as he’s told, noticing the weary way Jace collapses into bed next to him and seeks his warmth. Jace came in wearing a hoodie with no t-shirt under it, and as soon as Alec pulls the blanket up over him, he wriggles out of the hoodie and burrows closer, sighing and nuzzling into the side of Alec’s neck. It’s a strange feeling, to be the source of both pain and relief for his parabatai, and Alec feels overcome with the urge to protect the boy currently hiding from the world here, under his blanket, in his bed. He shouldn’t think of Jace as a boy. They are men, like he himself likes to often point out, but he knows all too well that’s bullshit. Jace is a boy, and the fact that he was taught how to use very sharp and deadly things from an early age doesn’t make him mature, just as the violence he endured and the brushes with death he survived don’t make him any less fragile and deserving of care. They had a long and intense day, as was the case every day since Clary came crashing into their lives. While Izzy might find it exciting to not always “go on a mission, kill demons”, Alec doesn’t appreciate the direction their lives are changing towards. There is, however, one positive side to it all - they are so busy chasing the new girl’s visions and dream snippets, that is, when they are not

fighting for their lives, that Alec no longer has the mental space to dwell on his thoughts and feelings about Jace. That guilt about not loving his parabatai properly and that shame about being unable to stop himself from responding to Jace’s presence, his looks, his sweetness… all that is suspended for the time being, until the new girl finds her mom and until they aren’t running from one clue to the next. After that, Alec is sure of it, he will have to answer to his mother and to the Clave for all the times they broke the Accords, and after that none of this will be his problem anymore because he’ll most likely be sent to the Gard and/or executed. The fake sense of peace he gives himself at the thought of dying so young is shaky at best, and its only leg to stand on is his conviction that Jace fell for the new girl with the red hair, who is all the things Alec could never hope to be. And since Nephilim only love once, there goes his last, scrawny little hope. “Alec. Go to sleep, I’m begging you. We need all the energy we can spare these days and you’re wasting yours on worrying.” Jace says, snuffling into the warmed cotton of Alec’s sleep t-shirt and putting an arm and a leg over Alec, as though to help keep the worries at bay. It does help, and Alec eventually drifts off to sleep, feeling pleasantly warm and cocooned with Jace tangled around him like a clingy, sleepy kraken.

It doesn’t help that the warlock they met with escapes without them getting any useful information, and now the ruby necklace Hodge gave them is missing too, and for nothing. Jace insists on parabatai tracking and while Alec knows it works, especially when the two of them do it, he’s furious he has to do something so intimate and powerful with an audience, specifically with Clary watching. But he has no choice, so he goes along with it and as usual, he gets so lost in Jace and is left craving his actual, physical closeness in any way he can get, but instead he gets Jace shaking the remnants off the magical workings of the tracking like it’s some pesky residue he has no time for. Sometimes, Alec could swear Jace feels the same thing he feels, in those long seconds between the moment they pinpoint what they are looking for and the moment when Jace remembers their mission. And it kills him to see, every time, that Jace chooses the mission over diving into that feeling. Alec also overhears Clary telling Izzy that their parabatai “thing” looks awfully intimate and he sighs, hanging his head in powerless annoyance. He would have preferred that Clary not see their tracking. She may as well have seen them naked. He feels even more alone when Izzy meets him in the basement of a meat-packing facility right next to the Hotel DuMort, and she has fairy dust on her dress, which points to the exact nature of the intelligence gathering work she did to get them here. Where they will probably die distracting “only” a few tens of vampires sent by Camille Belcourt to deal with them. And for what? For Clary’s pet mundane friend, a human so revolting, so loud and inconsiderate of their customs that Alec regrets not smiting him where he stood the first time he darkened the floor of the war room at the Institute.

“Alec, you should consider loosening up now and then. We all need it. You’d be happier if you weren’t so damn repressed.” Izzy says, amused, as they fight off droves of vampires. “What do you even know about repressed? You’ve never not done exactly what you wanted, how you wanted it and you always got away with it.” Alec says, remembering how unjust it was that she was daddy’s little princess and perfect warrior who could do no harm while they grew up, and that at the same time he was being saddled with responsibility for her mischief. He’s amazed her antics never got him whipped, and that is only because Jace usually got mixed up in whatever Izzy had cooking and Jace always had a big mouth and a lack of consideration for their parents’ authority. “I know enough to tell you that you need to stop being like that before you get yourself killed.” Izzy says, while gracefully deflecting a swat from a clawed vampire hand and slaying the vampire who dared come close to her. Suddenly, all the vampires run away in the opposite direction, as though answering an inaudible call, and Izzy and Alec are left alone in the damp basement. “To the penthouse, now. Jace and Clary are about to be swarmed by vampires, and Camille is up there too!” Izzy thinks aloud and books it to the penthouse, giving Alec no choice but to run after her. If this mission had a high chance of going really really badly for them, that chance just went up to 100%, Alec thinks. There’s no way they are leaving that penthouse.

They somehow do leave the penthouse, but only because one of the vampires has the wisdom to avoid further breaking of the Accords over a stupid mundane that turned out to really not know anything of value. Camille escaped, and Alec knows this is going to come back to bite them, him in particular, in the ass. Camille has been getting more unhinged and power-high lately, setting up dens of subjugates and acolytes all over the city, acting like the whole world is her personal blood bag. She also has her eye out for the Mortal Cup, which was why she had Simon abducted in the first place, and their only luck is that Clary genuinely has no idea where her mother stashed the damned thing.

He still doesn’t know why he got so immeasurably angry at Jace, enough to throw a fit and go at his parabatai’s throat right there on the roof of the Hotel DuMort. In hindsight, he feels embarrassed and he regrets fighting with Jace and telling him all those words which he would give anything to be able to take back… and in front of the new girl and her mundane boyfriend. Jace was under a lot of stress, trying to keep everyone alive and prevent the whole vampire situation from escalating into open war. And sure, he was blinded by whatever he is feeling for Clary these days. Alec feels like he tarnished their bond by questioning Jace and forcing him to look at a reality that should not have come between them like a double sided blade. On one side, he told Jace that he expects to be trusted without question and deferred to as the older one and as the appointed leader. On the other side, what he did not say cut deeper than whatever did end up said - again, in hindsight, his unspoken “I go along with all this because I love you” must have made Jace feel like a child being spoken down to, and ultimately cheapened the bond they share. He doesn’t know why he is like this lately. So resentful and hostile, especially to Jace. It must be the arrival of Clary and the feelings of utter jealousy and envy she stirs up in Alec. It’s not fair. He and Jace grew up together, killed together, bled together, patched each other up so many times after missions, and then this… this girl comes along and just like that, Jace no longer sees reason or hears strategic advice from people who love him and who did not betray him. At this rate, Jace is either going to end up getting killed or he’s going to get them all killed. Alec doesn’t see that the resentment he allows to brew inside him is poisoning him. These days, he feels like it’s him, alone, against the rest of the world, and no one has the time or understanding for what he is going through. At times, he turns his resentment toward himself - after all, he was stupid to think Jace will want to stick around for life. Parabatai or not, no one but Alec takes the bond seriously. It’s there to give two people a little extra edge in battle, but that’s where the whole organic part of the bond stops. The rest is up to the people involved - some are closer and like each other, others are detached and can’t wait to put physical and emotional distance between them and the one on the other side of the bond. While Alec thinks Jace might be in danger of bringing harm to himself or to others around him, he doesn’t see that his constant focus on the dark thoughts tormenting him relentlessly makes him the weakest link in their group. It all comes to a head at the High Warlock of Brooklyn’s loft, where they find themselves after the search for Clary’s lost memories has them facing an inevitable encounter with a higher demon. There’s a complicated summoning ritual involved and Alec knows everything is going to hell in a handbasket the moment his hand slips into Jace as they all gather in a closed circle to summon the keeper of Clary’s precious lost memories. The demon demands a price in exchange for the memories. They each have to relinquish a memory of the one they love the most. Alec feels his palms become sweaty the moment Magnus Bane announces what is demanded of them. He looks around in disbelief, no one is finding this as violating as he does. But then again, no one is hiding a terrible secret like he is. Clary’s memory is of her mother; Izzy’s is of him and before he can break the circle, the column of black smoke pries a memory of Jace out of him, letting it float in the middle of their circle before swallowing it. “No. That’s not true. The demon deceived me.” Alec says, panicked and completely succumbing to his greatest fear coming true. He’s been exposed in the most undoubtable way. “Do not, under any circumstance, break the circle.” Magnus shouts from across the pentagram, but it’s too late, Alec’s fear and shame win over him and he breaks the connection, ready to run away. But once the

circle has been broken, the demon’s power is no longer contained and black tendrils of smoke reach out to grab Alec and drag him to the lower levels of Edom where the demon reigns. Without hesitation, Jace gets between the demonic arms and Alec, pushing his parabatai out of harm’s way and getting caught instead. Alec watches, paralysed with fear, as Jace gets slowly pulled into the demon realm, and he would like to act, but he’s frozen in place and feels like his soul has already severed its connection to his body and is watching powerlessly from a distance. Jace is as good as lost to them, to him, since Clary needs the memories more than she needs any of them. He watches, amazed, as Clary activates her seraph blade and stabs at the demon with a determination he never thought her capable of. The demon dissipates and as it does, it releases Jace, throwing him down against the marble floor. Moments pass, and no one dares to move. Clary is crying. She asks Magnus if Jace will be alright, and Magnus makes a smartass remark. “Don’t… Don’t talk like that about him.” Alec says, finally snapping out of his petrified state and kneeling next to Jace, together with Izzy, helping her turn him on his back. Long moments of uncertainty pass, and Alec thinks the worst. His guilt and shame got his parabatai killed. He does not deserve to be alive, his shame and cowardice cost the person he loves best in the whole world his life. Jace wakes up with a cough and he sits up, looking around in confusion. It is clear he did not expect to survive this. Alec moves away, fleeing to the adjacent room, figuring Jace will not want to lay eyes on him after he nearly got Jace killed. Clary and Izzy are helping Jace anyway, he’s not needed. “You know, it’s alright to feel the way you do,” Magnus says, walking past him. Alec leaves the loft on his own, returning to the Institute and tackling the paperwork that awaits him. They’ve done a lot of unauthorised things and the Clave will want answers, but right now, he would rather be interrogated by all the Silent Brothers and the Inquisitor than deal with Jace, Clary and his sister.

“Alec, you can’t continue like this. You need to talk to Jace.” Izzy says. “Jace and I are fine, just under pressure. Valentine is back. War is imminent.” Alec replies, trying to appear distant and sombre. “You are a fool and a coward, Alec. I look up to you, you’re the best older brother a girl could wish for, but you’re letting your hangups cloud your judgement and you’re screwing your life up. And not even just yours. You’re hurting people you claim to love. He’s your parabatai, he deserves better.” Izzy says, walking away without waiting for a reaction.

Alec is left alone in his office, unable to hold back the tears now running freely down his cheeks.

He catches up to Jace on the plexiglas walkway which leads away from the war room to the training area. “Jace… I… I wanted to say I’m sorry for what happened at Magnus Bane’s. I thought…” “Why did you panic so much?” Jace stops and says, turning to look at Alec and giving him his entire attention. “Because I… of what it looked like! Like… I didn’t want the others to know and think… that I love you.” “But I love you too. Surely, it should feel comforting, not upsetting?” Jace answers. There it is. The letdown. Alec feels his heart shrivel up and die inside his chest. Of course Jace loves him, but not in the same way. Jace is not misshapen and corrupt like him.

“Yeah. That was stupid of me.” Alec says. His face muscles hurt this time, as he tries to compose them in something that looks convincingly like a smile. “Alec, stop.” Jace says, his voice still soft, but with an edge of worry in it. “Don’t do that. I love you, is that nothing to you?” How do you fight the future if the one person who needs to hear you doesn’t listen? Jace can see the rift gaping between Alec and him and it made him quickly reassess his priorities. Preventing a war is urgent, but the parabatai bond takes precedence over that, hands down. Alec freezes and tries to swallow, only to find out his throat is closed and dry. “Why are you torturing us both? I had my suspicions before, but after what happened at Magnus Bane’s house, I know for sure you feel the same about me as I do about you. Am I really wrong here?” Jace continues. Alec makes a small, pitiful sound in the back of his throat when he tries to speak, and when that doesn’t work, he quickly shakes his head no. “But… Clary?” He manages, after a while. “Clary reminds me of me, a long time ago, and how scared I was after watching my father die and not knowing what the future held, or if I could make any decision that wouldn’t be a complete fuck-up. Luckily, I met your family, and you, and you took me in and treated me like one of your own. It was good to not be alone. To have a family and help learning to fit in. Although I must say, even at ten years of age, I had more common sense and self-preservation than Clary does now.”

Alec nods fondly. “You did.” He agrees.

“I fully intend to help her find her way through our world and get her mom back, maybe even avert a fucking war. But no one, no one ever can replace you in my soul or my heart.” Jace says. “And just so you don’t write my big words off as casual parabatai stuff…” Alec forgets he wants to ask how that sentence ends, because what he’s now feeling is intoxicating and overpowering. Jace walked into his personal space and glued himself flush against him before standing on tiptoes and kissing him. Not invading, asking gently to be allowed close, but again having the bigger pair. It’s not like Alec imagined kissing would be - wet, squelchy, tolerable at best - at least the first few times. Jace’s lips are pillowy and smooth, warm, silky-feeling, yet firm and just that simple touch to his own lips feels so right to Alec. It’s not so much a kiss as it is a caress at first, but then it progresses to more when Jace nips at his lower lip and Alec lets out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding. His arms respond before he can figure out rationally what to do, and while they are standing in one of the most public and visible places in the whole Institute, Alec could not care less if he tried. He wraps Jace in his arms and pulls him close, shyly kissing back. It’s his first kiss and he wants to do well. “Alec…” Jace pulls away for a bit, looking fondly at his parabatai. “This is not something you need to do well in. Focus on unwinding so you can enjoy it. That’s the only thing that matters.”

Alec nods, a bit amazed and still very grateful that his parabatai caught his unhealthy train of thought and addressed it. He then lowers his lips to Jace’s, which are a dark, inviting pink, supple and glistening, and now, Alec discovers, taste faintly like marshmallows, one of Jace’s favourite daytime treats.

Still, he immediately and completely surrenders control over the kiss when Jace deepens it, and he can’t help the little mewl escaping him when Jace’s tongue chases his and stakes its claim. The longer the kiss lasts, the more of his anxiety melts away. It actually feels tangibly good to be wanted like this, and it turns out he wasn’t as stupid as he thought he was to wish for this in his life. Especially if Jace is the one leading him down this particular road. It’s as easy as sparring, but infinitely better feeling, and Alec quickly figures out how to keep up with and respond to Jace. For one perfect moment, the world around them is blurry and far away, and Alec suspends his awareness of their Shadowhunter life, of where they are and what they do.

“You and I will need to resume this somewhere safe,” Jace says, pulling away and masking his arousal with an angry expression. He heard Maryse approaching way before Alec did. There’s that split second where Alec thinks “all this is a lie, he’s playing with you”, but then it dawns on him that Jace has been doing nothing but protecting him while he was here sulking about Jace also being nice to the new girl. Jace jumped between him and the memory demon after his huge fuck-up, without a single thought for his own wellbeing. He tends to the bond where Alec intentionally neglects it. He now jumped ten feet away from him so that his mom wouldn’t see him kissing his parabatai and send him to be executed.

“Mother. Jace and I were just talking about our last mission and filing our finds in a report to the Clave.” Alec says, his year-long honed survival instinct kicking in and allowing him to act casual and subdued, the way Maryse is used to him being. “That’s not a priority right now.” Maryse says, huffing in annoyance. “We have to lay low for a moment, not draw attention to this Institute, or we’ll wind up with the Inquisitor here when we least expect it. I need you two to stay on the girl’s tracks and find out where her mother stashed the Mortal Cup.” “We don’t even know for sure if Jocelyn hid the Cup or if Valentine was after her for something else.” Jace points out.

“No, it was the Cup.” Maryse says. “How do you know?” Alec asks, before he can censor himself. “I just know, Alec. Don’t ever question me again.” Maryse says, looking at Alec with disdain. Her and Robert’s past in the Circle may surface at some point, but she sure as hell is not going to volunteer that information - much less to her useless son. She then turns to Jace. “Jace, remember. Whatever it takes. Get this mission done. Find what Clary knows and make sense of it before she does.” Jace nods and smiles, a small reaction he developed as a handy response to Maryse. She thinks he is complying and on her team, he successfully masks his utter disgust at her leadership and parenting methods.

This was the longest day in Alec’s life, or at least it felt like it. He’s finally back in his room, alone, but he cannot silence the cacophony of voices in his head - voices which point out all the things which are going to shit in the most serious of ways. This is not “we’ll get Mother screaming at all three of us for a couple minutes” bad, this is “the Clave will execute us or derune us and sic every demon in New York on us” bad. He has no idea how he is holding it together, it must be because his mind prioritises worrying and also pencils time to worry in the future, making sure it and Alec himself make it into that future one way or another so that the future worrying can take place. In the midst of his racing, loud and dark thoughts, he almost forgot the conversation Jace and him had above the war room. The bond is muted, as usual. Jace is much better at keeping him out than the other way around. But a sense of trepidation and nerves still soaks the invisible threads connecting them.

He is about to switch off the light for the night when Jace walks into his room and gets into his bed. “You are making yourself sick, I could feel you overthinking from way up in the bell tower.” Jace says, making himself comfortable against Alec’s side. “I came to help. I’m not sleeping until you do.” Alec smiles and switches off the light. “I meant everything I said earlier today.” Jace whispers. “I was so scared you might deny it all and tell me to fuck off.” “But I love you too, Jace. Why would I do that?” “Overinflated sense of duty? Fear of Maryse?” “Look. It’s true. I do like having clear rules to follow. And I do fear my mom. But you are where I draw the line at. No one gets to you while I’m around.” Jace stays quiet, his silence expressing the thought they are both having right now. Alec nearly let a demon from the depths of Edom drag Jace back there because he didn’t want anyone to know he loves his parabatai. “I’m sorry. Fear and shame took over me.” Alec says. “And I understand if it made you think less of me. I was raised to be brave. But so much was and still is at stake.” “Which is why we need to be able to trust each other. And know that everything we do is from a place of wanting to protect each other. Also, it will please you to learn the parabatai curse is a big fat smelly piece of Clave propaganda. I couldn’t help but see Magnus reference it in a letter he was writing.” Jace says, and Alec can picture the cheeky smile accompanying those words. “You peeped in the High Warlock’s correspondence? Bad Jace.” “I didn’t get caught, it’s fine. And it was right there. In a closed room, on the way to the loo.” Jace offers. “You are… no words. Demons work hard, but you work harder. You want to see me with white hair in my twenties.” Alec says, but there is no bite to his words. “Magnus would have made you into shoes if he had found you snooping through his stuff.” “But he didn’t. And I have a feeling he may have casually and strategically left that letter on his desk.” “You don’t know that. But, it doesn't matter now, like you said, you didn’t get caught.” Alec points out. “You promised me sleep.” “I did,” Jace says, giddiness laced in his voice. “Can I touch you?” “Since when do you need permi- …” Alec says, but the realisation dawns on him as he speaks. “Oooooh. Like that. Yes. So much yes, Jace. You can do what you like with me. As long as you touch me.” “I value the trust you have in me, but I don’t want to rush. You got so fucking beautiful since we got done with puberty. I just wanna unpack you like a present and savour every inch of you.”

“Really? You think I’m beautiful?” Alec asks, blushing intensely in the dark and thinking of all the times when his shirt was soaked through and through from being in the gym with Jace for hours, and while Jace is always quick to shed as many clothes as the social setting allows, Alec never dares to do the same. Because his mother told him early on that no one wants to see a hairy, sweaty Nephilim.

“The most.” Jace says, shifting around in the dark so he can bring his lips to his parabatai’s and kiss him. “I’m so weak for how strong and lean you got, and you have no idea how hard it is to have to hunt with you and go on missions together and not look as thirsty as I feel.” With those words, he sneaks his hand under the blanket, opening the lace of Alec’s sleeping pants and slowly slipping his fingers under the hem, between the fabric and the skin. Alec’s lower abs contract with his unmasked excitement.

“Oh fuck, yes.” Alec whispers, closing his eyes, then opening them anew. He doesn’t want to miss any of this. Jace sighs in contentment, finally being allowed to run his hands on Alec’s skin, map all the forbidden parts of him and make them his - all of it is a bliss he never thought he’d get to taste in this life. He then uses both hands under the blanket to pull his parabatai’s pants off. Alec didn’t wear underwear to bed this time, which makes Jace raise an eyebrow. Alec usually does wear underwear to bed, self-conscious about any stains and visible wet spots that might dry visible on the outer layer of the pants. This time, Jace doesn’t mention it, not wanting Alec to get self-conscious and second guess himself. Instead, he licks his hand before lying back down next to Alec, on his side, wrapping the hand he just made wet around Alec’s cock, eliciting a harsh gasp from his parabatai. “Weird?” Jace checks. “No, just… fucking finally.” Alec says, grinning sheepishly, but then closing his eyes right after, as though to hide his excitement. But Jace is not here to judge. He starts stroking Alec like he would stroke himself, but now he has the added pleasure of watching the effects of his touches translated into expressions on Alec’s features and it’s the most heavenly thing he’s seen. He never wants to stop being the cause of such rapt looks on Alec’s face. “You have such a gorgeous cock, Alec. You got so big, I think as big as me.” Jace comments, pressing his thumb on the underside of the tip, then using it to coax out the droplet of precome clinging to the slit. “Nah, no one’s cock is as big as yours.” Alec says, thinking of the one time he caught a glimpse of Jace in the showers. His mind was fried for weeks after, and then every time his mind replayed the scene. “...and you taste so good to me, too.” Jace adds, bringing his hand to his lips and lapping up the bit of fluid. “Oh fuck, I might not survive sex.” Alec says, watching Jace’s tongue dart out to taste him like… like it’s not the hottest thing ever and like it won't make his mind flatline like it just did.

Jace smiles lovingly. He won’t judge - his goal is, after all, to fry Alec’s brain in the best of ways and have him coming back to him for more over and over. “I changed my mind. Fuck slow.” Jace whispers, more for himself than for Alec, throwing the blanket off of them and to the side. Under the blanket, Alec is naked from the waist down, and Jace is still dressed. Jace licks his lips, thinking he planned this the wrong way from the start. He expected to have better control of himself, but Alec is like a drug. “Off with the shirt.” He says, removing his own and pushing Alec’s up while raking his fingers up his chest, letting them catch in the wiry hairs covering Alec’s pecs. He almost forgets the bottle of lube he brought in his pocket, so distracted by how turned on he is by Alec. “Do we have to go slow?” Alec asks. “I want to touch you too.” “Mmm that can be arranged,” Jace says and leans down, resting his hips on top of Alec’s and pressing down. “Take off my pants.” He adds, taking out the little tube of lube he brought along and placing it close by. Alec still blushes when he sees the tube, but his eyes darken at once with anticipation and unguarded desire. He does exactly as Jace asked him, sliding his hands down Jace’s back, until his fingers can slip under the hem of the pants and pull it down over Jace’s ass. Since he needs more reach, he opens his legs and sits up a bit, guiding the pants lower as Jace props his knees onto the bed. Jace shimmies out of the pants and comes to rest flush against Alec, looking down at their cocks, pressed close together. There’s a lot of things he needs to try, but there will be so many other times, he thinks, as he kisses his way down Alec’s front until he can take a lick of the underside of Alec’s dick, earning himself a small overwhelmed sound.

Alec grips the headboard above him, not wanting to impose on Jace by touching his hair like his first instinct was. Jace gives him a knowing look - one of these days, he will have to teach his parabatai that his desires weigh just as much as anyone else’s and he’s allowed to grab, touch, feel, take, be possessive. But now he’s going to make Alec fall apart. When he wraps his mouth around Alec’s now impossibly hard and hot cock, he finds more of his flavour hitting his tongue and he moans in appreciation. It’s also a bit overwhelming and a bit of a stretch and Jace loves the challenge. He’s never had a cock in his mouth before, but he intends to make the best of it, as with everything he applies himself to. With Alec, he loves the weight on his tongue, the way he feels full but also in control of Alec’s pleasure. Jace starts to move, to actually suck Alec’s cock and see what reactions he can coax, how gone he can get Alec to be. When Alec thrashes on the bed and begs him not to stop, he manages to smile around his mouthful and redouble his efforts. At some point, Alec just starts to thrust into Jace’s mouth, which tightens and relaxes against his shaft. Whenever Jace moves up and only has the tip in his mouth, he swirls his tongue around it and delves it into the slit, actually sucking, and Alec knows he will soon come like this. Jace’s hands caress the inside of Alec’s thighs, feeling and soothing the little nervous twitches in the muscles beneath the skin. Soon, Alec relaxes enough to rest his legs on the sheets - that’s Jace’s cue to reach for the tube of lube and coat his fingers, bringing them to caress across Alec’s entrance.

Jace had the sense to warm the lube up a bit before touching Alec with it, so the added touch is met with a little more than a muted gasp. He would stop to ask if it was too sudden, but that would mean letting go of Alec’s cock. Alec himself is caught between the hot heaven of Jace’s mouth and the by now pleasant sensation of being stretched and open gently. He wants more of the mouth and more of the fingers, so his thrusts get more urgent and gain in amplitude. “Please… I’m going to come…” Alec pleads at some point. Jace found a spot inside him, which sends white-hot pleasure all through him every time it’s rubbed over, and it feels as though it’s the only thing which keeps Alec being possibly knocked unconscious by the strongest orgasm he’s ever had. Jace pulls back and kneels up, looking at Alec’s cock, now glistening wet and twitching, dribbling precome into the hairs on Alec’s lower belly. He cannot help but keep moving his fingers slowly inside Alec, the sensation delicious even for him. Being inside his parabatai might be what finally breaks his tight grip on his own self-control. And while there’s nothing more terrifying to Jace than losing control, he looks forward to it now, knowing he’s experiencing it with the only person in the world who makes him feel safe. But he pulled back too late, a fraction of a second too late, and he gets to watch as Alec shivers and pants through a full-body, long and hard release, with Jace’s fingers buried in his ass and his cock untouched. Jace is about to say something, he is not sure yet what exactly, but Alec cuts him off: “I want you to come inside me. Please. I want to feel you so badly. I’ve waited so long. Please, Jace. I’ve been ready for so long.” Jace opens his mouth and closes it again, at a loss for words. But, like in the past, he can show Alec how he feels. First though, he uses his discarded shirt to clean Alec’s lower belly and he pulls Alec’s hips up on his lap, lining himself up and spreading lube on his engorged cock before pushing in, watching Alec’s face for reactions. The way his parabatai’s chest is heaving and the sheen of sweat on Alec’s skin make him look like a vision, and Jace is weak, weak, weak. When he bottoms out, he closes his eyes, committing the moment and what it feels like to memory as best as he can. Alec is now his, shaped to fit him, and there’s a deeper, more daunting feeling, vast as the ocean, and Jace cannot tell if it’s because of him having always been a motherless stray, if it’s just the way being joined to his parabatai feels like or both. It’s an overwhelming, almost crushing feeling, but he rides it, unafraid of going deeper within himself, knowing Alec is there, warm and welcoming, anchoring him to the here and now. He starts to move, setting a hypnotic rhythm to his movements, watching Alec arch off the bed, his hips still in Jace’s lap and only his head and tops of his shoulders still on the bed. Instinctively, he reaches out with one hand, which Alec takes and holds on to steady himself. By now, Alec is hard again and leaking onto his front again. His walls squeeze gown on Jace’s cock, as though unable to get enough of the feeling of being filled over and over. When their eyes meet, Jace knows this is it for him. He pulls Alec up, wrapping his arms around him, holding him close, kissing him and bringing their foreheads together. When he feels he is close, he wraps a hand around Alec’s cock. “Can you come with me?” He asks, his lips moving against the salty, moist skin on the side of Alec’s neck, right across where a vein pulses beneath. “Yes. I’m so close, again.” Alec say breathlessly. “Angels, Jace. You’re everything and more.” Jace feels himself fill up with warmth at Alec saying those words to him now, as a lover, not just as a parabatai. A few more thrusts and he comes inside Alec, feeling as though his entire world was burned down to ashes and rebuilt anew.

Not a second later, Alec follows him into a second orgasm, this time less explosive but longer-lasting, making him flop bonelessly against Jace, not moving to disengage just now. They both wince and squeeze their eyes shut later, when Jace guides Alec back down onto the sheets, which makes him slip out. “Yeah, I hate this part,” Alec sighs. “But having you close and not be a fantasy or a dream is still such a good change from before.” “I don’t even know how I told myself I could live without this closeness. Without you.” Jace sighs back. “I’m going to love you with every beat of my heart. In every way that I can.” “And I’ll be yours for as long as I live.” Alec murmurs back, shifting onto his side so he can prop himself up on one elbow and look at Jace. “Also, my butt will be sore for a while, but it’s like a naughty secret too.” “I’m sorry. I tried to be gentle.” Jace says, smiling apologetically. “You were. But the angels didn’t ration their gifts when they made you. No regrets. I get to benefit from all their blessings.” He silences the rest of Jace’s guilt with a long, sweet kiss, which earns him a pleased sound. Jace is actually delighted, Alec initiated the kiss and no longer seems shy about it. It secretly fills him with pride and contentment to see how right he was - how well he and Alec click together as lovers and as parabatai.

“How about… getting a drink sometime?” Magnus asks, feeling hopeful. The cutie at the other end seemed interested, if a bit shy and surprised to have the attention on him. He has chances, if he plays his cards right. “That’d be… good. Yeah. A drink.” Alec says, keeping the phone trapped between his cheek and his shoulder as he tries to choose between two shirts. One black and with a collar, one also black, but washed out because it’s one of his favourites and he wore it a lot. But which one will Jace like best? “I’m not asking if you are thirsty, I am asking you on a date, Alexander.” “Date? Uh… I… You know what? Thanks, Magnus, but I think my boyfriend would mind.” “Oh.” “Sorry.” “And here I was, thinking there’s a pleasurable side to doing business with Maryse Lightwood this time around.” Alec tosses the shirts on his bed, and the phone on top of them, staring it down, shirtless, as though trying to intimidate Magnus through the phone. Did the High Warlock of Brooklyn just imply he was an extra thrown in to sweeten a deal? Surely not, and Magnus Bane is a more refined man than that. “Oh, and tell Jace I will turn him into a snail and put him in a vivarium in my bedroom if he isn’t excellent to you at all times.” Magnus says, loud enough to be heard even without being on speaker. “Catch you around, Second Hottest Lightwood.” And with that, he ends the call, leaving Alec staring and fuming. Second Hottest Lightwood?! Second?! He then remembers Magnus met Isabelle too and he smiles. That is a title he can live with, after all. The thing he thought of first was much, much worse. Outside, he hears Jace’s footsteps approaching. “Hey Alec, are you ready? What’s taking you so long?” “I can’t find a good top!” Jace slips in, looking like he’s burning to say something. “Here I am! Found me.” “You’ve been dying to say that.” “You walked right into it.” “Admittedly. Which one?” Alec asks, holding up the two shirts. “For the mission, the washed out one, because you love it and you’re comfy in it. For later, I recommend this outfit.” Jace says, reaching into his pocket and placing a small item in Alec’s palm. “What the fuck is this?” “It’s Clary’s gold-threaded Invisibobble. Or the creative man’s cock ring.” Jace says with a wink. “Now let’s go, those demons aren’t going to dispatch themselves.” Alec follows Jace out of his room, having put on the comfy older shirt and shaking his head. If there’s a war coming, he doesn’t think he’ll notice it unfold.

(the end)

#shrarepairexchange #shrarepair2022 #sh rare pair gift exchange #giftee: polarnacht1

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sh-rare-pair-exchange · 3 years ago

Text

shattered from the inside (but you put me back together)

For @moonlight-breeze-44 This was written for the SH Rare Pair Exchange as a gift to Em. I had so much fun (for lack of a better word) writing this fic for you and I hope you enjoy the hurt!

Summary: What had happened? Her entire body was throbbing in pain, most of it stinging when she tried to move her neck. When she reached to find the reason for it, she touched soft bandages that wrapped around the column loosely. “You’re with me.” Isabelle recognized the voice immediately and jerked her head a little too fast in the direction it came from. Standing in the doorway with a cup of tea in her hand and a stele in another was Lydia, someone Isabelle hadn’t seen since the day of her brother’s called-off wedding. “Lydia?” Isabelle asked softly, not truly relying on her eyes, ears, or clouded mind to provide her with the truth. “Hello, Isabelle,” she responded just as gently.

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Isabelle wasn’t sure where she was or where exactly she had come from.

She had a fight with Alec, that much was clear in her otherwise clouded head. She had to get out of the Institute before she did something stupid, something that her mother would chastise her or call her a child for, something she might not be able to come back from once she had done it. Her skin burned but not in the usual stinging pain she made herself feel when her mind became too much to bear.

It was like every inch of her was on fire and no matter how much water she drank or how many showers she took, nothing could cool her down. Her hair was damp and sticking to her cheeks as she ran so she knew she had at least attempted to simmer herself. The rest of her body not covered by her clothes—which wasn’t much given what she’d chosen to wear out—was unscathed but when she turned to inspect her surroundings, her neck burst in pain.

Her fingers trailed up to where her pulse point beat rapidly underneath her scorching skin and she was mortified to feel two small puncture wounds, the blood still dribbling out. She reached for her stele to heal herself on instinct but she froze before she could thoroughly search for it.

Maybe that was what she had deserved.

It wasn’t too different from the situations she had found herself in prior. Though that time, it wasn’t herself who had caused her pain, it was a faceless, nameless vampire that she could put the blame on when her brother sent her sympathetic glances through their mother’s berating. There wasn’t a blade in the world that would cause the wounds on her neck nor one that could make her feel as terrible and pleasured all at the same time.

She remembered, for a moment, when the vampire’s fangs punctured into her neck, that feeling of unfettered bliss that caused a tear to roll down her cheek. She had wiped it away with her fingertip, staring at it like it held all of the answers she had searched for in each drop of her own blood leftover from her self-infliction. Every cut she had made, quickly healed with her iratze, never seemed to solve the riddle inside of her mind, the one that haunted her day in and day out until she searched for other vices that weren’t so easily magicked away.

What she had found a few hours prior was familiarity but without the safety of someone she cared for. The vampire she had found was no Raphael. He didn’t hold her closely, whispering sweet nothings into her ears. The vampire was no Lily. He didn’t make her feel beautiful, flirt with her shamelessly to make her skin heat up exponentially more than yin fen alone could.

No, the vampire she had found was careless. He drank from her, got high on her angel blood, and attempted to drain Isabelle more than even she thought she deserved. There was a brief moment where Isabelle imagined what it might be like to fall asleep full of hope—if only a fabricated version—and never wake up.

She let herself be grateful that she was a fighter, that her best friend had taught her what it meant to be alive and her brother had taught her what it meant to stay alive.

Unfamiliar flashes overtook her when she attempted to get out of her head and figure out how to keep herself alive in the too-empty backstreets of New York. Everything was jumbled in her mind and her sight wasn’t faring much better—a blur of lights through the darkness—but when she closed her eyes to stop the searing onslaught of pain, memories too much like nightmares replaced it.

She tried to speak, call out for help she so desperately needed, but her words sounded like mumbles to her own ears. Through the thundering in them, she could make out the soft, reassuring sound of her name but she wasn’t sure where the comforting voice was coming from. She tried to open her eyes again but neon lights swirled in her vision, consuming what little focus she had until everything went black.

She was in and out of sleep for what felt like days but was only a matter of hours by the time she gained enough consciousness to take in her surroundings. It was still dark outside of the window beside her, the moon lighting up the night sky and seeping through the pulled closed shades. Her vision was foggy but when she glanced at her phone out of instinct, it was three in the morning the day after she had gone out.

What had happened?

She was… trying to get away? She thought she had stopped by the DuMort so she must have been on a mission for Alec. Her entire body was throbbing in pain, most of it stinging when she tried to move her neck. When she reached to find the reason for it, she touched soft bandages that wrapped around the column loosely.

No, Raphael and Lily would have never let something like this happen. She couldn’t have been at the DuMort.

Knowing she was taken care of then—as safe as she could be—had her letting out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding.

She gripped the sheets that covered her and glanced around the room again. It wasn’t familiar to her; not her own, not Magnus’, not Simon’s, Lily’s, or Rafael’s, and definitely not Meliorn’s.

So, where was she?

“You’re with me.”

Isabelle recognized the voice immediately and jerked her head a little too fast in the direction it came from. Standing in the doorway with a cup of tea in her hand and a stele in another was Lydia, someone Isabelle hadn’t seen since the day of her brother’s called-off wedding.

“Lydia?” Isabelle asked softly, not truly relying on her eyes, ears, or clouded mind to provide her with the truth.

“Hello, Isabelle,” she responded just as gently.

She walked forward hesitantly like she was approaching an injured predator—which Isabelle wouldn’t argue she resembled—before placing the tea on the side table. She held a stele out as an offering and Isabelle cursed herself when she realized it was her own. A shadowhunter losing their stele was like a mundane cop losing his gun. Isabelle had never let herself fail like that before.

“Thank you,” Isabelle whispered, taking the stele delicately from Lydia’s hand. The gentle brush of their fingers was enough to replace the smallest amount of pain still ringing through Isabelle’s body. Tears bubbled to her eyes, not dissimilar to the onslaught of unrestrained emotion from—

Isabelle froze unable to escape the answers—sharpened fangs, blood on her fingertips, tears coating her cheeks, frigid water hitting scorched skin—she should have never searched for. She traced her iratze, wishing that it would disappear her memories as much as her wound.

“I have your bracelet, too. It’s just outside if you—”

“I don’t need it right now and I trust that you’d kept it safe.” Lydia nodded and with a small smile, sat on the very edge of the bed. “How long have I been…?” Isabelle trailed off, too afraid to admit to her own defeat when she still wasn’t quite sure what had brought her there.

“I found you just after midnight. We were all searching—Alec, Jace, Clary, Magnus.” At the mention of the warlock, the swirling lights made a lot more sense.

“Where are they? Did they see me like this?” Isabelle asked in panic. Lydia shook her head and placed a sympathetic hand on Isabelle’s.

“Magnus had already portalled your brothers to the DuMort where you were last seen by Lily. Clary and Magnus tracked you down after that and I was the closest to your location.” Lydia glanced around the room and Isabelle squinted at the unfamiliarity of it.

“I thought you were in Alicante,” Isabelle began, gesturing weakly out the window that clearly did not belong to the city she had seen so many times in her books.

“I was, but—” Lydia hesitated, taking a deep breath as she grabbed for the mug she had set down moments before. “Why don’t you have some tea? Warm up so it’s easier for the iratze to work and heal you the way you so desperately need.”

Isabelle took a quick sip before asking, “Are we in New York? Have you been here this entire time?”

“Not the entire time,” Lydia responded nervously, twiddling her fingers in her lap. She sighed and stood, but before she could take any steps away, Isabelle clasped their hands together.

“I thought you had left,” Isabelle said. The me was unspoken but she was sure Lydia heard it. “You’ve been here.”

“I’ve been here,” Lydia agreed with a solemn nod. “I couldn’t be in Alicante, not when I knew—not when everything I cared about was here.”

“Why didn’t you say anything? We were just a phone call away! A damn fire message would have sufficed.” Isabelle hated how bitter and angry her tone was even through the weakness of her tired voice.

She couldn’t help but put unreasonable blame on Lydia. Maybe if Isabelle knew that Lydia was around, she would’ve had somewhere to escape that wouldn’t have led to the nightmare that the past few hours had been. It wasn’t fair but she couldn’t stop herself from shuffling just a little further away from Lydia’s gentle gaze.

“I’ve been—” Lydia cut herself off like she was afraid she said too much.

“Who knew, Lydia? Who knew that you were here?” Isabelle repeated much more calmly than she felt.

“Alexander,” she admitted softly.

Isabelle’s heart banged in hurt. He knew how heartbroken his sister had been when he was asked to marry her, how much her absence lingered on Isabelle’s already fucked up mind. Alec heard her sobs in the middle of the night no matter how much he pretended he hadn’t, he saw the faint scars that not even an iratze could fully erase from Isabelle’s skin. He was there for her when her yin fen addiction took over her life in the worst ways possible and he said nothing.

“Be mad at me, Isabelle. I’m the one your anger should be thrown at. Yell at me if you want. When you’re feeling better, fight me. I’m the one who made the decision.” Her tone was so serious, so sure that the decision was the right one even as Isabelle cried in front of her.

“Why?” Isabelle asked. “You owe me that much. After— I thought that after the wedding was called off that you would—that we would… I don’t understand, Lydia.”

“We couldn’t,” she said, her voice full of regret that her words didn’t match.

“You didn’t even give me a chance to—”

“I couldn’t,” Lydia repeated louder than Isabelle had ever heard her raise her voice.

With the change of voice came a change of location, Lydia standing from the bed and moving away from Isabelle. She kept one hand on the footboard and Isabelle could see her knuckles turning white against it. She wanted to reach toward her, crawl to the end of the bed and hold Lydia’s face in her hands but moving was too much for her tired body to handle.

“You couldn’t or you wouldn’t?” Isabelle whispered, truly unsure of the answer. “I— If you didn’t want me, didn’t want to be with me, you could’ve been here all the same.”

“And hurt both of us more in the process?” Lydia laughed but it was humorless. “I had already been hurt by one Lightwood, I couldn’t handle being hurt by the one that mattered most to me.”

“Then why didn’t you give me a chance, Dia?”

“There wasn’t a chance to give,” she said simply. It made no sense and when Isabelle said so, Lydia sighed heavily and turned back toward Isabelle, finally meeting her eyes. “You would’ve given up so much for me, more than you even know.”

“I would’ve fought to keep whatever I could,” Isabelle argued, “but I would have given up anything—everything—if it meant you stayed.”

“That’s just the problem, Iz. We were blinded by each other and you barely even knew me.”

“I know you better than Alec ever did and you were going to marry him,” Isabelle retorted immediately earning a glare from Lydia.

“It was our duty—”

“Your duty has always been the reason I can’t have you, will always be why I can’t have you, won’t it?” Isabelle asked, desperately trying to understand.

“There’s more than that,” Lydia whispered, relenting to sit on the bed once again.

Isabelle used every ounce of strength she had to sit up and reach out, resting her hand on Lydia’s arm. There was something there, something more that Lydia wasn’t telling her but no question she asked seemed to be the right one.

“Then tell me, Lydia. Tell me and let me make my decision this time,” Isabelle pleaded, gripping onto Lydia as tight as she could, which given her state was apparently not tight enough.

“You’re still recovering,” Lydia shook her head, brushing away Isabelle’s hand as she stood. “We shouldn’t talk about this now. Not until your mind is—”

“My mind,” Isabelle interrupted, “has been nowhere good since you left.”

“I’m sorry,” Lydia said softly, her tone full of sympathy and guilt. Isabelle rolled her eyes at it.

“You aren’t, though. Not when you stand there and refuse to tell me what I did wrong to make you leave, to have you make the decision to leave without even considering my input.”

“It wasn’t your decision,” Lydia argued, fiery eyes back on Isabelle’s after avoiding her gaze for a few minutes. “Don’t you think I considered it? But you had spent most of my time at the Institute frolicking with the Seelie and flirting with the vampire, I didn’t think that I even mattered.”

“Of course you mattered, Lydia,” Isabelle said honestly. She mattered more than most everyone else.

“How could I matter to you when—”

“When what, Dia? What is it that Meliorn and Simon have that made you think I wouldn’t want to be with you? Was it because they were men?” Lydia let out a humorless huff of laughter.

“I know you don’t care about frivolous things like gender or species,” she responded.

If it wasn’t that, then…

It’s not like that. I— I’m not like that. I’m just not interested in sex. I’ve always been like this.

The wound on her neck stung a little more or maybe Isabelle just noticed it when Raphael came into her mind. She eyed Lydia, her prim and proper clothing that she always attributed to her professionalism but now thought maybe there was something deeper. She was with John for long enough before he died that most shadowhunters would’ve continued the family lineage. She was so willing to marry Alec when she knew he would never be romantically or sexually interested in her. It all made sense to Isabelle suddenly.

Instead of asking, Isabelle reached for Lydia’s hand, tugging her gently closer.

“It was Victor Aldertree who first introduced me to yin fen. He said it was a healing ointment that would help my injury after the demon that killed Clary’s mother attacked the Institute. I wanted—I needed a distraction since—” Isabelle sent a glance to Lydia who winced in response.

“I’m sorry,” Lydia repeated in a whisper.

“It became an addiction, the yin fen, but I knew that the ointment wouldn’t cut it forever. I found out what was in yin fen and went straight to the source. At first, it was just to try and ween myself off but then… It became the only thing keeping me alive, Lydia. I had to have yin fen flowing through my veins in order to survive a life without you.”

“I—”

“No,” Isabelle interrupted yet another apology, “this isn’t on you. I’ve lost people before and I should’ve known how to cope, should’ve gone to Alec when things weren’t right inside my head. I relied on someone I thought I could trust and who I did—still do foolishly. His name was Raphael and he… I loved him, at least as much as I could love someone that wasn’t you.”

“Why are you telling me this, Iz?” Lydia asked almost desperately like she couldn’t bear to hear the rest of the story without reason.

“Because, Dia, Raphael wasn’t interested in me for sex.” Lydia froze where she sat beside Isabelle on the bed, her eyes darting away from Isabelle’s in what looked like shame. “It wasn’t just me, though. I asked him if it was because he was a vampire, like it was some symptom of his species.” Isabelle laughed at the memory. “He— He told me that he had never been interested in sex and never would be. The connections he forged with people were deep and precious to him but sex?” Isabelle shook her head. “It didn’t matter to him. It didn’t matter to me.”

“You stayed with him?” Lydia asked, glancing up to meet Isabelle’s gaze, a thin line of tears bubbling in her eyes. “Even though…”

“I loved him enough that it didn’t matter. That love, though, it— it wasn’t love. It was my addiction taking over every sense I had in my body. I know that now, especially now that I’m with you.” Isabelle lifted a weak hand to Lydia’s jaw, brushing her thumb over a stray tear that had finally fallen.

“Tonight, when I found you,” Lydia began, licking her lips nervously, “you had been bitten by a vampire. You sought them out, I’m assuming?” Isabelle nodded sorrowfully. “How do you know that your addiction isn’t making you feel for me what—”

“I have loved you since the moment I met you, Lydia. Before my yin fen, before my mind was something I didn’t recognize, I loved you with every part of me that is good. The yin fen broke me inside, I see that, I know that, but Lydia, you are the only thing in this world that can make me whole again.”

“You love me?” Lydia asked and Isabelle couldn’t help but let out a joyful giggle.

“Yes, I love you,” she said firmly, reaching up to join her other hand in cupping each side of Lydia’s jaw. “I don’t know what I have to do to convince you, but—”

Apparently, the words were enough. Lydia surged forward, still careful of Isabelle’s wounded state, and pressed their lips together like Isabelle had dreamed of so many times before. She let Lydia take the lead, matching every press of their lips, every slide of her tongue, uncaring that it may never be more than just a simple kiss. Actually, there was nothing simple about how Isabelle’s heart burst in her chest or the way the blood in her veins thrummed with more passion than any amount of yin fen ever could.

When Lydia pulled away, the smile Isabelle had missed so much was bright on her face. Isabelle grinned right back.

“For what it’s worth, I love you, too,” Lydia whispered, closing her eyes like she was relishing in the feeling as much as Isabelle was.

“Does that mean you’ll stay this time?” Isabelle asked. She didn’t care how obvious the hope and desperation were in her voice.

Lydia’s nod was all she needed to feel okay again.

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