#i love her very dearly but shes also the most heartbreaking woman in the world sometimes

[jamesheathridge]

called my grandma again & when i brought up t she started crying. i told her i'm happy on it and she said "i know, thats not why im crying. when you get older things just change so fast and so much" and that kinda. took me back

[sukirichi]

home from war | sukuna x reader

Home from War | sukuna x reader

featuring: sukuna x reader (historical au) with small moments of megumi x reader

warnings: very mild suggestive content, mentions of manslaughter and slight yandere tendencies + a toxic sukuna + angst + not proofread :D

part two!

How does one soothe their lover who’s come from war?

You ponder about this carefully, eyes dark as you let your gaze travel from the opening door. Sukuna comes in, bare chest littered with cuts caked in mud, blood, and dirt, and you see the way the grip around his katana falters just a little bit. The room is dark – it is late at night, after all, and you had stirred awake in your accidental slumber from waiting too long for him to return home – but you see him under the darkness clearly. Way too clearly.

Those markings on his face you so dearly love don’t even seem threatening. You seriously question your sanity at this point because he is the Ryomen Sukuna; King of Curses. It’s no secret that he does as he pleases, taking someone’s life as if it was second nature to him, claiming territories, wealth, and even people as if they were his own.

You should be scared, and in a way, you are.

But not in that way.

You’re scared because his shoulders slump, those once burning red eyes fluttering close as he drops to his knees on the floor. Without wasting another second, you leap off the bed, your arms wrapping around his figure. He reeks of death, and before you know it, you wash his exhaustion away by peppering his face with the pads of your lips.

Sukuna hums, pulling you closer to him until there is no space between skin, his neck nuzzling in your face. “I’m home,” his lips brush the bare skin of your neck, his breath warm and ticklish. “I made it home to you, my love. Safely like you asked.”

Your heart clenches at his words. Immediately, you bite down your tongue and blink back the tears that threaten to fall. Safely? You want to snap back, your nails almost raking down his back. This is hardly considered “safely” when his knees wobble as you guide him inside the bath, nearly unable to keep his eyes open as you wipe away his cuts and the other remnants of war present on his body.

“I’m sorry,” his voice echoes in the confined walls. You don’t even realize the tears had fallen until his rough, calloused hands brush a tear away. He tilts your chin upwards to look him in the eye, lips trembling when those devilish eyes soften – reserved for you and only for you – and Sukuna sighs through his nose. “I wish I could stop the war, but — ”

“It’s not possible,” you finish for him, forcing a smile to help ease his worries. At this point, you’re conflicted between wanting to scold him to not leave the temple anymore and just stay with you, but you also know why Sukuna doesn’t do that.

It’s because he wants to keep you safe. As long as you were around, Sukuna would go the moon and back just to keep coming back home to you. Perhaps that was the most painful part – the fact that you knew he wouldn’t have done this if he hadn’t met you. Sukuna was the fearsome King of Curses, powerful and undefeated even after a thousand years, but he wasn’t omnipotent. Hundreds of jujutsu sorcerers have lost their lives trying to defeat them, and it took about a hundred more deaths before they backed off at the realization he couldn’t be defeated or exorcised.

Until you came.

You were Sukuna’s weakness, the chink in his armour, his Achilles heel.

The moment it was known that Sukuna kept a lover, they just kept coming. The war begun.  Soon enough, your days of rolling around in bed with him, trapped under his arms and weekends spent in whines of each other’s names disappeared.

Sukuna has a temple to defend. A lover to protect. A woman to cherish. A soul to treasure.

It was all because of you, and you know better than anyone else that he was tired. But he’d never tell you that. He would still scoop you in his arms; pull you closer by the hip so he could lay his ears on your chest, eventually falling asleep with the sensation of your fingers massaging his scalp while you hum to soothe him. The sound of your heartbeat has Sukuna exhaling rhythmically minutes later.

The notorious King of Curses, bundled up in the arms of his lover, completely relaxes in the privacy of his shared bedroom with the woman he loves most. It was as if the war didn’t happen at all. He sleeps with a small smile on his face, sleepily mumbling your name and reaching up to kiss your smooth skin every now and then.

It was perfect. It was heaven.

But that wasn’t you.

Because you are not her; you are not even human. You listen to all this on the other side of the temple. If you were anyone else, someone like her, then Sukuna’s intimate moments with his lover would be private – something that would be kept and cherished only between the two of them. But you aren’t human.

You are a curse born from people’s heartbreak and grief. You don’t even remember how you came to life; your first memory hazy of nothing but endless pain and so much anger you lost yourself. Until he came.

Ryomen Sukuna; the King of Curses – he adored you.

Finally, he met his equal. A curse equally as powerful and blinded by darkness, hatred, and bloodlust – you were one of the rare curses whose presence he enjoyed, and it didn’t take long before he invited you to his temple and offered a seat next to him.

You are Ryomen Sukuna’s right hand warrior, his greatest partner when it comes to battle. If he was powerful before, people feared you both even more when you joined powers. He didn’t go to war without you. For days on end, you and Sukuna would traverse villages and slaughter kingdoms to fill the emptiness gaping in your hearts, but he changed when he met her.

That fragile, meak, little human that loved him and changed him.

Because of her, even you are forced to join this war against jujutsu sorcerers. It’s been a long war – consisting of ten days and waning red moons. You and Sukuna barely came out unscathed this time, the Gojo clan seems to have something else under their sleeves, and your yukata had been ripped open in pieces while blood washed over your body like water.

You and Sukuna came back tired, weak, almost defeated.

You lay your back flat against the wall, teeth attacking your bottom lip while you pour potions over your cuts. At the other side of the temple, Sukuna is already fast asleep, safe in the arms of his lover. And you? You couldn’t even let out a small noise of whimper. Sukuna’s heightened senses would pick up on it, mistake that it would be his precious little woman in his sleepy daze, and you don’t want him to be further agitated.

Besides, once he realizes that it was just you, he would only go back to sleep.

Because he knew you didn’t need him, not in that way. You were the Curse born from Heartbreak, possibly the only ever person who would know pain and suffering the same way he did, but that isn’t true. Sukuna wouldn’t understand that this is your suffering – to have him within grasp but out of reach, to know that he was always with you, that he loves you just the same, but not in the way you want him to, not in the way you need him to.

To him, you are his beloved friend and partner in crime.

You are not the one who soothes him when he comes from war. You are not the one that gets to feel his harsh tongue soften at the first contact of your lips, to have the privilege of having rough hands that easily tortured others to be gentle as he dips his hands in the dips and curves of your body. You are not the one who gets to see him when he wakes up and he smiles half-lidded. You are not the one who gets to kiss his pain and wounds away, to wipe his tears from his cheeks because looking at you makes him wonder how lucky he is to have you.

Instead, you are the one he brings to war with. You are the one he trusts to keep her safe, to watch his back and guard all possible blind spots during war. You are the one who jumps in front of him when a blast of fire is on his way, and you are the one who heals his wounds in the battlefield when he grows too weak. You are the one he laughs with when you’ve both decapitated the enemy, growing only stronger with each passing day under the belief maybe both of you could rule the world someday.

But does any of it matter?

You always believed that you were okay with it, that having him trust you with his whole life, enough to have you sleeping under the same roof as him, was everything you needed. But after she came, you watched him fall in love, and you felt pathetic.

You could never have him.

You could never have what they have.

Sometimes you wonder, what if you just said it? In those nights where nothing but the moonlight illuminated both of your blood-stained faces, chests rising up and down as it both rumbled with laughter, discarded glasses of alcohol thrown on the ground – it would’ve been the perfect moment, wouldn’t it?

Though deep down, you knew the answer.

Sukuna wouldn’t love you, couldn’t love you. He wanted someone to protect, not someone to fight wars with. He wanted someone to come home to, not someone he wrecked homes with. He wanted to listen to someone’s dreams and passions – all of the things you didn’t have because you were born out of pain, living in pain, and Sukuna was the only thing that soothed you for a bit.

Your breaths came out raspy as your wounds began to close up. The stench of blood remained on your body, the red liquid drying up.

Sukuna wouldn’t want an impure woman like you. It makes sense he loved her. She was as bright as the sky while you were as dark as day, and when she laughed, she lit up the whole room. You don’t laugh, you don’t even smile. The only times you ever got to feel that sort of happiness was when you were still a fresh-born curse, a wild Sukuna more than glad to teach you of his ways.

It’s okay, you lie to yourself, crawling back to your bed while ridding yourself of your clothes. You would shower later; sleep needed to come first. Curses like you don’t really need, but you were too exhausted – inside and outside – that for once, you want to submit to healing.

As you close your eyes, you hear Sukuna stir in their room again. The sounds of faint lip-locking echo in your ears, making you slap your palms on the sides of your head, but you hear it, you hear it, you hear it, you hear it.

“How is Y/N?” she asks worriedly, her dainty, small, and innocent fingers that could never harm a fly brushing against his skin. Warm.

“She’s fine,” Sukuna rasps tiredly, “She’s a little beaten up, but she’s in a better state than I am,” you hear him kiss her on the forehead, a contended sigh leaving her lips. “She’ll be fine, my love. You know Y/N. She is fierce, brave, and courageous. This war is nothing to her.”

“I still feel bad she joined the war just so both of you could protect me.”

Shut up, shut up, shut up!

“She knows I love you,” Sukuna mumbles on top of her head, his hands tracing patterns on her back. Tears flowed out your eyes, your body trembling as you bit your fist, drool flowing down. You couldn’t stop the way you felt your heart torn to pieces. Really, it shouldn’t be anything new to you. You are a curse manifested from heartbreak, after all, but why did it hurt so much this time? “Y/N is a long time friend and ally of mine. She cherishes everything I cherish.”

“But still...aren’t you going to check up on her? I couldn’t even welcome her back. I haven’t seen you both in days and I...”

“Shhh,” Sukuna lulls her worries. “I’ll check up on her right now, although I don’t think she needs it. She’s a strong warrior, after all.”

“Sukuna,” her voice was laced with warning this time, but it later softens, as it always does. “Even the strongest have their weak moments, like how you are with me. Just because someone is capable of enduring the pain, doesn’t mean they won’t appreciate an act of kindness. Y/N has been loyal to you far longer than I have, but you really need to show your gratitude more to her,” she sighs, “Go check on her, my love. See if she’s doing well. If she’s fully recovered by tomorrow, I’ll head out to the market and prepare you both a lovely meal. It’s the least I could do.”

Sukuna chuckles, “My love, we don’t need to eat.”

“No matter. She likes miso soup, doesn’t she?”

By now, you’re frozen in bed. The blood and dirt and your skin have stained your sheets, and your hair is knotted in tangles from endless fighting. Maybe this is the reason why you hated yourself more than you hate her – because deep down, she isn’t really someone you could hate.

It makes sense Sukuna loves her.

Unlike you, she is kind, caring, gentle and full of love. What did you have? Pent up anger, bloodlust, temperamental tendencies and a hobby of withdrawing as a form of isolation because you couldn’t cope with the heartbreak – this is your gift. Your curse.

She is a blessing.

You hear the bed dip feet away, and whispers of, “Be safe, I’ll wait for you,” before a door slides close. Sukuna’s footsteps pad nearer in your hallway, in a place that he had his servants build just for you years ago when you proved your loyalty to him. Back then, you were over the moon when you saw him telling his people he wanted you to have your own room, but now it was like a huge slap on your face that Sukuna cared for you, but he didn’t want you close to him in the way she was.

Your room was on the other side of the temple, at the back, to be specific. While she stays with him in his own chambers, he used his magic to build her a beautiful garden filled with her favourite flowers, while you were somewhat locked away behind it all.

A bitter smile makes it way to your face. Sukuna was coming, not because he wanted to, but because she asked him to.

You want to laugh. Instead, you run out the room in such speed that the sheets fly away from your bed, and the floorboards crack under the force of your movements. When Sukuna raps his knuckles on your door, asks if he could come in (as if he needed permission for that), and you don’t answer, he takes it upon himself to intrude.

He isn’t surprised at your discarded clothes, or how your room remains dark and empty, as if you’d never been there at all. This isn’t the first time you ran away, and this would not be the first time he ran after you either.

He knows you’ll come home.

After all, it was him you kept coming back to – although he didn’t know that.

Breakfast the next day wasn’t any better. She invited you to join them, fretting over the cuts on your cheeks and dabbing at them with a wet towel. She feels like a doting mother who wouldn’t stop worrying about her child who tripped, and again, you realize why he loves her.

The food was good. Like she promised, miso soup is placed in a bowl you painted years ago, and she beams at you expectantly while Sukuna caressed her thighs under the table. Your lips tremble as you take a spoonful of it, letting the warm soup soothe your exhausted body with a sigh. Sukuna peers at you in the same curiosity, head tilted to the side ever so slightly as if waiting how you’ll react.

It’s no secret you don’t open yourself up to anyone other than him. The moment she came to live with you both, he could tell you locked yourself up in your room and even disappeared for weeks under the lie that you were parading in the districts to “look for some fun.”

Sukuna knows you better than you know yourself. He knows it’s a lie, that you’re not someone who “looks for fun” and that you probably just stayed up in the mountains watching the sunrise. He knows you’re uncomfortable with her displays of affection, of how she easily adored you or how she cared for you like you were her sister or even a friend, but he doesn’t say anything about it.

If anything, he only hopes you would treat her the same way.

You don’t finish your bowl. It’s extremely difficult to enjoy the food when Sukuna compliments her on her cooking skills and she turns beet red beside him, nervously giggling that she just wanted to make you feel better. Sukuna bends down to steal a peck from her lips, teasing her that she was his “sweet angel” who had a heart of gold.

They don’t even eat.

They’re just giggling, laughing, kissing, and you understand – you really do. It isn’t every day that Sukuna gets to indulge in the presence of his beloved. But only you are there with him. It’s either he trusts you enough to let his guard down, or you’re unimportant enough that he doesn’t care if you see him completely baby her and spoil her rotten with how he grabs her onto his lap and starts kissing her nose and then her eyelids.

Their cheerful laughter is a great contrast to the sound of your heart shattering into pieces. They don’t notice that you’ve excused yourself, heading out the room and into the back part of the house, passing the servants on the way.

Similar to how they treat Sukuna, they quiver and bow before you, making sure to keep their eyes on the floor in fear you’d slice their heads off. You fight back a sigh. You wouldn’t do that – not when they welcomed you so warmly (or rather, fearfully) and accepted you as their master. You realize that they don’t act this way around Sukuna’s lover. In fact, they light up when she’s around and talk to her freely; everyone was just comfortable in her presence.

You know you’re not her.

You could never be her.

She was a human, and you’re nothing but a lonely, heartbroken curse.

Hours pass by, and no one looks for you. You dare not enter the garden Sukuna made for her even if you also like the flowers, simply because you don’t want Sukuna to be appalled at the thought that someone like you – a Curse who’d killed people and tortured others – would also be enamoured with something as innocent as daisies.

The lake is peaceful that night. It’s painful to bathe back at the temple because the servants won’t leave you alone. They insist on washing your body for you and that you should lay back, but you refuse to be coddled. The lake is on the other side of the mountain, deep in the forest with smaller curses lurking, so no one would find you here.

The moon shines down bright on you, and for the first time since you’d gotten home, you smile.

It looks so beautiful. So big and bright, yet so haunting and peaceful with secrets you could never uncover. You stare at it as you take off your robes layer by layer, feet dipping into the cold water before submerging completely. The ripples on the lake illuminated by the moonlight makes it even more soul-stirring.

You cup the water and wash your hair, finally getting rid of the invisible stains from the war. You felt clean, refreshed – but your heart still rumbled with hatred and darkness. Hatred that you couldn’t be good enough, hatred that you’re destined to be lonely and unloved.

One of the good things about bathing at midnight is that no one gets to see your tears when it mixes in with the water, and you throw your head back in laughter with your arms extended to the sky. This is who you are – a Curse with no future and no past.

Later, you choke as a sob begins, your fist clenching above your heart. It hurt everywhere.

You wanted Sukuna – so much that you felt like you were going to go insane.

If it wasn’t for him, you’d be trapped in an endless nightmare. But he saved you, cared for you, made you his equal. So why couldn’t he love you? You’ve always been there for him. When people turned against him or plotted a rebellion, you were the one who snuck into clan houses and slit their throats, making their descendants and followers witness the consequence of disrespecting Sukuna.

When he was nearly exorcised by an overpowered jujutsu sorcerer, you summoned an army of thousand lost souls to defeat them, nearly ending up with you losing your head in the aftermath. It was always you – you were always there from him since the beginning, so why didn’t he love you?

You cupped your eyes with your palms, unable to stop the tears from coming now. Your whole body shook with sobs, turning number and number at the cold water. Nothing mattered, nothing mattered, nothing did if you couldn’t have Sukuna.

“Sukuna,” you cried out, pushing your hair back as the ripples blurred in your tear-stained view. “Sukuna, help me, please...” Put an end to my suffering, you inwardly begged. Death is a better option than watching him fall deeper and deeper for her, knowing that could never be you. He’d never look at you that way. He’d never touch you that way. He would never be your lover, and your sobs grew more desperate because you know you are his lover.

God, you loved him so much more than you hated yourself.

This sort of madness had you gasping for air. Death – death is a better option. It is a much more peaceful way to go than to suffer each waking day to have what you want be explicitly stated to be reserved for anyone else but you.

You froze when a pair of arms encircled your waist, his grip strong and vice-like. He turned you around, his large hand coming at the small of your neck to bring you down to his shoulder where you could hide your tears. Until now, he knows you better than you know yourself, and he knows it would shatter you even more if he saw you crying.

“Y/N,” Sukuna begins, and your eyes widen when you see he’s still wearing his robe. He must’ve jumped in the water. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you. What’s wrong?”

Your lips turned blue from the cold. Unable to help the shiver that ran down your spine, your teeth chattered, and Sukuna pulled you closer to the heat of his skin. He sighed worriedly. “You need to tell me what’s wrong, otherwise, I can’t help you.”

“I” You falter. Your heart drums loudly in your chest. He would reject you, break your heart into pieces all over again but – so what if he did? It almost made you laugh. You’re the Curse of Heartbroken Souls. It wouldn’t make a difference if he hurt you now. Instantly, you weaken in his hold, and Sukuna’s hands grip your waist to keep you upright.

“Fuck, Y/N, what’s wrong —”

“Kiss me.”

“What?”

“Kiss me,” you repeat, more confidently this time. You pull away from him in the slightest bit, eyes blown wide as you peer up at his appalled ones. His hands squeeze your waist subconsciously, his sharp nails piercing through your skin until it draws blood. It makes you gasp a little, but you’re used to the pain. Right now, you want to be selfish and free yourself from this pain. “I want you to kiss me, Sukuna.”

His eyebrows pinch together. “What the fuck are you saying? I love someone else, you know I won’t —”

“Won’t do what?” You challenge, eyes burning from the intensity and ferocity of each nerve humming to life. “This isn’t who you are, Sukuna. You’re the King of Curses. Or have you already forgotten those days you would accept those female offerings and you’d fuck them until they’re out of their mind, then discard them as if they were nothing but dirty laundry? You were strong back then, majestic, but now you’re fucking weak,” You spat out. You know you’re spurning him on and pushing all his buttons, but somehow saying those words gave you great relief.

Now, it was time to see his patience snap, which shouldn’t take long since his grip had turned bruising on your hips, and he growled under his breath. “Don’t do this, Y/N.”

“You’re the one who shouldn’t do this,” you growl back, “You haven’t been the same ever since that pathetic excuse of a woman came. Don’t you remember that she left her husband and children just because she was a whore for you? Because you pleased her better than her human spouse?” You push him away with enough force that it sends him a few feet back, and Sukuna scowls. “She doesn’t love you! She only stays by your side because she was nothing but a filthy rat before and now you treat her like a queen! She’s nothing but a lowly human who —”

“Enough!”

“ —made you believe you’re someone she could love! Don’t you get it, Sukuna? We’re Curses, she’s a human! She will never understand us! You’re lying to yourself if you believe she doesn’t cry herself to sleep at the thought she’s next to a monster —”

“I said, that’s enough!” In a flash, Sukuna was in front of you, clawed hands wrapped around your neck. It would be so easy for him to break you and kill you right then and there, your feet already above ground and your exposed breasts just within his sight. Nevertheless, you only laugh cruelly at his agitation. “You know nothing,” he squeezed your neck tighter, “about what it’s like to love someone. How dare you say that she does not love me?”

“I know, because if you let me, I could love you a lot more,” you choked out, clawing at his arm, but he is unfazed by your efforts.

Sukuna lets go of you. You drop in the water as you gasp and breathe for air, but Sukuna’s wide eyes bring you back to reality. It’s that face, the one that tells you he’s been unaware this whole time, and the sudden confession drops on him like a cannonball.

Like a switch has been flipped off, you revert back to your normal self. Using your arms to shield your body, you run away from him, about to make it to the bank when his voice stops you. “Do you truly mean it? Do you love me?”

You close your eyes. “Yes. I always have.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You wouldn’t have believed me,” you pull your hair to the side, squeezing the water out. “You barely believe me now, so why believe me if I said it earlier? It wouldn’t have changed anything.”

“Then why were you calling for me? I heard you crying. You said you wanted me to help you.”

You whip around, tears furiously flowing down. “I’m going to the jujutsu sorcerers myself tomorrow and let them exorcise me. There’s no point to my existence, Sukuna. I’m tired of all the wars. I’m tired of fighting for someone I don’t even care about. I’m tired of loving you and watching you look at her instead of me, when I’m the one who’s always been there for you. I’m tired of —” you hiccup, embarrassed that he was now watching you break down in front of him. You were a powerful curse, dammit, you shouldn’t even be crying about this. “—I’m tired of not being the one you love.”

Sukuna stands there gaping. You don’t give him another chance to speak as you walk away, seemingly a new habit of yours now. You haven’t always been this way. Patience was never one of your strongest points, but being around Sukuna for the past years taught you a thing or two. That all shatters now that you’ve grown tired, the shame of patheticness crawling between your legs as you retrieve your robes, not bothering to dry up.

He exhales through his nose, claws balled into a fist to restrain his anger. Now he wants to be gentle with you the way he is with her?

Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic – you keep chanting to yourself. You’re not there yet, but there have already been rumours that you’re the Queen of Curses, the only one who ever managed to be Sukuna’s equal. Although men feared you, they also lusted after you.

How could they not? You were a sexual prowess, and a fearsome figure in the battlefield. Men are confused whether they want to be with you, or if the mere utter of your name had them fainting. Sukuna, on the other hand? He didn’t care. He didn’t notice you. You’re nothing but a war tool to him, his friend and companion during his dark days when he grew bored and would randomly slaughter homes and enslave people.

He’s not the same anymore. The Sukuna you once knew was gone, and you turned back away from him bitterly, the blue flames licking up your skin as a symbol of anger, hatred, but most of all, humiliation.

That night, you didn’t go back to the temple.

And a small, quiet village who’d been loyal to both you and Sukuna had become the victims of your frustration.

The next day, silence echoes in the hallways of the temple. You couldn’t hear even the soft breathings or whispers of the servants. Your ears perk up once you cross the threshold, dropping your bloody katana and releasing your hair from its red tie. The temple servants must’ve already heard that their relatives died the night before – all thanks to your inability to handle your feelings.

It’s okay, you tell yourself, you’ve done this a thousand times before with Sukuna: killing people, enjoying their screams, basking in their surrender and painting the image of hope fading from their eyes into the back of your school.

You’ve done this a thousand times before with Sukuna, but this is the first time you’ve done it alone. You only ever took their lives because Sukuna asked you. Because he assured it was a way to keep gaining strength and to make a name for yourself; that being a powerful Curse was the best feeling in the world and no amount of woman or alcohol felt greater than power.

Sukuna lied.

To him, his heaven was in her arms.

And you? Utterly lost. Broken. With nowhere else to go. As you enter your room, you’re greeted by the sight of a made up bed and cleaned sheets. Even after slaughtering families, your servants still cleaned your room out of fear, and the previous blood from the other day had been wiped away with bleach.

Then, you see yourself from the floor length mirror. White yukata that might as well have been red from the amount of absorbed into the cloth draped over your curves, and your eyes lost what little light it once held. Blood drips from your fingertips and you swipe your thumb over your lip, a small gasp falling to your lips as you recall a little girl, barely five or six winters old, with the exact same lips trembling as she begs you not to kill her parents.

It’s the splitting image of you when you were younger, when you ran around cities unintentionally wreaking havoc out of confusion over your powers. You have no parents. No past. No memory. You just came into existence because of mankind’s grief, and it only made sense you carried that burden more than anyone else.

But you’re not this. You are not a killer. You didn’t enjoy it. You never enjoyed it. Even when Sukuna convinced you that you did, there was no forgetting the fact that you cried yourself to sleep when you were younger at the thought you grew more powerful because you added to the heartbreak of people.

The word heartbreak lights up a bulb in your head. That’s right...you’re the Curse of Heartbreaks – of pain, of grief, of mourning, of suffering.

If you couldn’t have what you want, then why should he? Isn’t it already written in your fate that your destiny is to carry those pain, inflict it onto others, and make them realize they’re wasting their lives believing a lie that love prevails all? That love prevails even someone as irredeemable as Sukuna?

You won’t allow it.

Without wasting another second, you dash to her room. Sukuna’s out to deal with some clan leaders for whatever ritual he wants to perform or out to get more healing potions. The girl never went anywhere else outside the temple because both jujutsu sorcerers and curses are always ready to prance, and she’s smart to not put herself in harm’s way.

But you are harm’s way.

You run so fast through the hallways that you keep bumping into corners, denting the wooden boards and the floor cracking beneath you. You don’t stop until you reach their room, swiping the doors open, and sliding on the doorframe when you see she’s still asleep.

She and Sukuna must’ve stayed up all night performing...activities. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have been this weak. She’s a lively and bubbly girl, she wouldn’t have – you freeze in your spot.

Tentatively, you reach over to where she softly snored, tilting her to face you by grabbing her shoulder. She only groans in her slumber before burying herself under the covers. “Sukuna...” her brows furrow as she twitches, probably dreaming about something, and she kicks the covers off with a whine. That’s when you see it. And then you see everything.

A small – barely there – bump on her tummy is half concealed by her lace gown that reveals her skin free from scars, a sign that she’d never really been in battle. But she’s carrying his child, and even though you’re not the one pregnant, you feel bile rise up in your throat.

Your knees wobble and you fall beside their bed, your palms shaky as you place it over her belly. First, you hear a baby cry, and then, a man’s scream.

Sukuna carries his daughter’s form, the little thing bundled up safely in towels while her father coos at her. She’s so small, vulnerable and exposed to the horrors of the world, but she didn’t need to worry about that. Sukuna would protect her, and so would you.

You stand outside the room, a small smile on your face with your arms crossed on your chest. Well, you’ll be damned. You’re not a fan of children and babies in general, but you do admit the infant’s cries sound like music to your ears. It means she’s alive and healthy, and even though her existence is nearly impossible considering her father is a curse, the girl was born perfectly fine and well.

Suddenly, a dark, ominous presence looms over the room. You stand on guard, hands drawing your blade to prepare for whatever or whoever attacked you. You’re not a fan of the kid and or her mother regardless, but Sukuna is left open and vulnerable for attack in this state. He’s too busy fawning over his kid to sense any incoming assault.

However, something doesn’t feel right with this one. That dark, suffocating feeling doesn’t travel. Instead, it’s stagnant and somewhat docile, as if it has no intention to attack, but its threat still remains. It doesn’t even seem like it came from anywhere or it’s about to arrive. Rather...it’s like it was always there to begin with.

Your eyes widen at the realization.

What would happen if a curse...fathered someone else? Would it be human? Or would it be something worse?

You slam the doors open, and everything happens in slow motion. The baby’s mother reaches out to a nearly sobbing Sukuna, eager to see her child, but just as her small, grubby hands wrap around her mother’s pointer finger, it falls. She stops breathing, her arm falling limp, and Sukuna stops cooing. The baby’s cries cease, staring up at her father and extending her small arms to cup his face.

It seems he realized it too, but it was too late.

“Sukuna, don’t!”

The child giggles, her knuckles brushing against her father’s jaw, and the King of Curses lose his grip on her. You watch as they both fall, a garbled scream leaving your lips. The midwife runs to save the child before she’s crushed under Sukuna’s weight, but she too has fallen victim the moment her skin made contact with the baby’s.

No...it’s not even a child or an infant. It’s not even human.

It’s the Curse of Death.

And at her birth, the world would grow dark, darker than what you and Sukuna have already caused the world to be. Her words would sound like a fork scraping against a plate; torturous, excruciatingly painful, and enough to have you begging for death. The simple brush of skin upon skin takes away the energy, power, and life even of the most powerful beings. After all, what is stronger than Death? It was the only absolute truth in the world – which all things must come to an end.

You retract your hand from her body, sweat dripping on your hairline. That thing growing inside her body...it must not be born. Sukuna would die.

With a silent scream, you whip out the dagger and force it upon her stomach. Or at least, you would’ve, if not for the blade that had peaked out your chest and nearly poking Sukuna’s lover’s back. Blood stained the silver blade, leaking into your lap.

You drop your dagger.

“I trusted you,” Sukuna begins calmly, pulling out the sword from your body in one swift movement. He ignores the way you cough out blood, your head shaking as if to deny his words. His face remains expressionless as he wipes your blood on his thigh, dropping the potions to aid her pregnancy beside her on the bed. Sukuna crouches down to your level and pulls you by the hair until he’s close enough that you could see his two other eyes also glare at you. “Have I not made it clear she is to be untouched? Just because you’re unable to handle your petty jealousy, does not give you a goddamn right to kill what’s mine.”

“What grows in her is a monster,” you sneer, struggling against his grip. You’ve forgotten that his sword is imbued with his special curses that would immediately exorcise any weaker Curse, but because you’re on the same level as him, you die slowly, and a lot more painfully.

“That child is mine. It was created out of love.”

“It is not a child!” You argue, “It will be born as the Curse of Death, one that will kill both you and your little lover!”

“And if you’re lying?”

You grit your teeth. “I would never lie to you, Sukuna.”

His brow shots upwards, a smirk creasing his lips. “Is that so?” he shoves you until you slam against the wall. Sukuna treads to you dangerously, his tongue peeking out to swipe at his lips. You know that darkness in his eyes better than most – it’s the look he always wore when he decides to go for the kill.  “Then, since you’re always honest to me, tell me this: do you still love me?”

You don’t even think about it.

“Yes. That’s why I’m telling you to get rid of that thing before you and everyone else dies.”

“A concerned little lamb,” he hums in amusement. “That makes it clear then,” Before you could process what happens next, you take your last breath as Sukuna rips out your heart with his claws. It’s not an actual heart, but rather the core of your Curse manifestation and the gem-like object is crushed under his fists. “Queen of Curses, Curse of Heartbreak,” he drops the pieces of your heart into your lap, Sukuna growing more and more blurry in front of you. “Die the same way you came to life: with a terrible, terrible heartbreak.”

Sometimes, you can’t help but feel like you’d been an awful person in your past life. It’s not that you’d ever done anything illegal or rebellious. Your parents are quite proud of your immaculately clean school record, and your grades are even above average. The school’s faculty absolutely adores you for your preppy personality, always volunteering to help others and taking the lead when no one wants to budge.

You suppose you’re quite a role model, but what no one understands is that maybe you’re always going out of your way to be kind with someone because deep down, you have a nagging feeling you’ve once been a terrible person.

Sighing, you wrap your arms around your legs as you hug it to yourself, whacking your forehead in your knees to get rid of those impending thoughts. There’s really no reason behind it, more like an intuition that you’ve forgotten about something important.

You’re pulled out of your trance when warm, soft hands push your hair back, and a pair of even softer lips land at your shoulders. Immediately, you smile, turning your head to peer at the dark-haired beauty that shyly peeks up at you under his long lashes. He keeps peppering kisses all the way up to your neck until you laugh from being ticklish, and it doesn’t take long before Megumi has you smiling again.

He knows you better than you know yourself.

“What’s wrong?” he mumbles on your shoulder, his warm hand drawing comforting circles on your lower back. Again, the simple gesture ignites something within you, something about oddly familiar even if you don’t feel like you’ve experienced it firsthand. “You’ve been deep in thought lately.”

“Lately?”

“Hmm,” he moves up your face, pressing a long, solid kiss at your forehead. It makes you relax and sigh happily, unable to help your urge to crawl into his lap and bury yourself in his arms. “Ever since Itadori enrolled here, you’ve always looked at him...quite weirdly. Is he bothering you? You know if he does something weird, I won’t hesitate to feed him to the Divine Dogs.”

That elicits a laugh from you. Now that you think about it, you’ve been awfully quite ever since Gojo sensei came back with that overly excited kid. You don’t know why, you don’t even realize his presence affects you, but you don’t want Megumi to worry about it when you can’t understand it yourself. So you hug him closer until the scent of fresh laundry wafts your senses, and you brush his scalp tenderly.

Megumi purrs.

“It’s nothing you should worry about, I’m sure I’m just tired from exams.” Unlike Megumi, you’re not a jujutsu sorcerer. You came from a totally human family that lived a totally mundane humane life, unaware that curses exist and people actually die from it. If it wasn’t for Megumi saving you that one time in school when you unknowingly stayed behind the same night the Occult Club did and ran into some freaky monsters, you would continue living without any idea of it.

It wasn’t always easy accepting Megumi’s true identity, but you loved him more than anyone else, and so hiding in his dorms while lying to your parents you were going to sleep over a friend’s house has become somewhat a daily occurrence. You’ve even made friends with the lovely Nobara and Maki senpai who welcomes you with open arms – although maybe it’s because you never fail to bring them food from the city and some fashionable items for Nobara.

Megumi senses your hesitance to talk about it, so he drops it and enjoys the feeling of your skin on him instead, your breaths falling in the same rhythm. Tonight, he and his classmates would go out on a mission again because the idiotic Gojo-sensei was away overseas, and as always, you’d stay up late in Megumi’s room, waiting for him to come back right after he promises you you’ll come back safely.

You close your eyes and wrap yourself around him like a koala, and Megumi laughs at how small you are. He doesn’t brush you off, though. He knows you fear for his life despite the fact you trust him with his abilities, but you can’t help it. It’s only natural to worry about your loved one, after all.

For now, he’ll have to keep cuddling and kissing you for as long as he could before he leaves.

How does one soothe their lover who’s come from battles?

You scramble away from Megumi’s bed the moment you’re waken up by the sound of steady knocks. The first aid kit lays on his study desk, which you swipe with sleepy eyes as his baggy clothes crinkle in your smaller figure. It’s rare that Megumi lets you see his state during after battles, but today, tonight, he allowed you to stay even after his mission.

Your steps are nothing but hurried when you slide the door open, his name about to fall from your lips until you’re greeted by a young man with strawberry blonde hair and black marks on his face. It’s Itadori Yuuji, but at the same time, it’s not him...

His cheerfulness and airheaded self is gone, replaced with a much sinister entity residing within it. The man before you sighs, frowning in distaste at your clothes – your boyfriend’s clothes – before he invites himself in and shuts the door behind him.

Sukuna hums, pulling you closer to him until there is no space between your skin and his, his face nuzzling in your neck. “I’m home,” his lips brush the bare skin of your neck, his breath warm and ticklish. “I made it home to you, my Queen. Safely like you asked.”

“Wha-?”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers so quietly you wonder if you heard it at all. “For not believing you, for not seeing you. It took me thousands of years to realize where I fucked it all up, but I know the truth now. And you were right – you were always right. I hope in this life I no longer break your heart in the same way you soothe mine.”

 - - - - - 

A/N: Sounds like a pretty confusing ending, which it is, and I was gonna leave it at that but because I don’t want anyone to go “HUH?” after reading this, I’m just gonna explain :D Sukuna eventually realized how toxic he was to the reader in her past life, how he convinced her to be a bad person with him then emotionally abandoning her the moment he found his happiness. She was the Curse of Heartbreak, and her powers remained even after she was “exorcised.” 

She broke his heart by showing him how he lost everything after her exorcism and his lover’s death (because he also saw the future that the child was the Curse of Death) and all those years of suffering eventually made him realize that the power of heartbreak was the one that destroyed him. So in the present, when the reader was reincarnated as a human girl, he finally found her and tries to make up for his mistakes because she was actually his first love, he just didn’t realize it because both of them were somewhat barbaric and psychotic. Lmk what you think, I hope you liked it!

[hobbitsnapes]

The heart of the Scout Regiment

A mini Levi Ackerman story

Summary: Since the beginning of the survey corps, not one member has changed the group like she did, if only they knew, what one persons heart, could change them all.

A/N:had this idea for a few days and went with it, I’m hoping to keep it pretty small but who knows with my imagination how long this’ll become.

In the over 70 years the scout regiment has been founded, there’s been countless brave soldiers who have joined the fight for mankind. Many brave men and women have laid down their lives, all with determined hearts to create a safe, wonderful world again. But not one, had the heart she held.

At only 28 years old, she joined the survey corps and within a year being on the team, she was ranked one of the best on the team in years.

A drive that many strived to come near, quick with her skills as she flew through the shy like a fierce angel of war, with the skills that nearly matched that of their captain.

But the one thing, the very thing that made all love be in complete awe of her, was how loyal she was to each and everyone on her team.

She was often called either the guardian angel of the group, or the heart of the survey corps. Or as some have overtime dubbed her, mum.

The sheer love she had for each member astonished them all, something that even a few took time to grow used to.

The scouts dubbed her initially as their guardian angel, for the amount of times she’s saved them all.

Majority of the time, she spent the missions keeping an eye on her team mates, especially the newer members. She was even given the position of watch over for them, with only a few killed under her belt, she was placed usually in behind them all. Eyes trained on everyone as she made sure they were safe. The amount of times she’s saved them from being eaten alive, they couldn’t count. Even at times risking her life for one of her friends, just to make sure they made it.

She was loved dearly by everyone, and loved each of them individually.

She ended up being dubbed mum by the younger cadets for the tender love she would give, always checking in on each of them in the beginning if she felt they needed it.

She always had words of Affirmation, love, and deep care to each of them. Always telling them how proud she was of them, how strong they all were. Even her criticism were of the same amount of love, never did they walk away from them feeling defeated, for her words were laced with love and care, only being spoken so they can be the best they can. A best they all in a way strive for just to see her smile and feel the love she willingly gave them, no matter what.

The mess hall was bustling with life, as everyone gathered to have dinner. With her hair tied back as she grabbed for an extra slice of bread, she walked over to her usual table.

Handing the extra slice to Sasha, the young girl looking up at her with wide eyes and large smile. “Here take it sweety, I grabbed it just for you.” She said, her signature warm smile painted on her lips. The girl pulled her into a tight embrace, one she gladly reciprocated.

One of the things she was Notorious for, was how much she loved hugging. At least everyone on the team has been wrapped in her arms, something that even their commander and captain secretly loved. But Levi loved her tight hugs for a reason that nobody knew of, not even his closest friends knew the love he Harberd for the woman.

At first, he was often annoyed at her affections, finding them irritating and pointless. The amount of times he would roll his tired eyes as he watched her launch herself into someone’s arms, he lost count.

But over the next few months, the annoyance he once had, disappeared and were instead filled with happiness, something he can’t remember feeling. His heart would flutter in his chest whenever she would beam up at him. And yes, up.

Having gotten used to looking up at his team members, it shocked him when he first met her. Standing at exactly 4 foot 9, she was the shortest member they had. Something that everyone adored, and added to her loving character.

She often would change what table she sat at, finding herself interchangeably taking a seat where she felt called to. Each person who she sat with, had smiles painted on their faces as she asked them how each of their days went, watching proudly as they often rambled to her and everyone about the most mundane thing they did. But not once, did she ever interrupt, or gave the impression she wasn’t interested. Eyes locked on their faces with a smile, she listened intently. She would look at them like they were telling a fantastic fairytale, when all they did was mop the floor.

Everyone would take their turns, never once interrupting what the other was saying unless asked a question.

Whenever someone had, she would break her eyes from the person to those who interrupted. She never gave a mean, or intimidating look. All she had to do, was look into their eyes and say “please wait your turn.” She wouldn’t even have an edge of anger in her tone, her tone matched her loving attitude she always had. But it instantly made them quiet down, unless it was a faint apology. One she always replied with “it’s alright dear.”

But, just because she always seemed full of love and joy, doesn’t mean she’s always kept up that attitude.

The few times anyone has truly seen her upset, it haunted all those who heard and especially directed to.

The first time, was the first time she lost one of her teammates. The heart shattering wale she let out as she held their lifeless body in her arms, haunted them all for weeks.

The second, was the time one of them nearly lost their lives, to protect her. Never had they seen her talk with such authority, such change to her usually calm tone. She reminded them of the position she was given, and that her job, was to protect them. But they reminded her that she was also important, that they couldn’t live with themselves, if she lost her life and they didn’t do anything about it. It was the first time she was called mum, a day that she will cherish forever.

The third and last time, was something they will never forget.

It was one and only times they truly saw her enraged.

It was bad, truly a nightmare as they all fought just to make it out alive.

She spotted one of the younger members trapped under a fallen tree, seeing they were still alive. Her heart rapidly beating out of her chest, as it nearly stopped when she spotted the 12 meter titan approaching them. She flew through the air as fast as she could, pure adrenaline coursing through each vein as was neck and neck with the beast.

Her arm stretched out as far as she could, nearly feeling the tips of her fingers hit their weak hand, feeling the beasts breath behind her. But all that was stopped, as she felt arms wrap her, flying her away from the young man. Her heart shattering in her chest as she felt Levi pulling her away.

Loud ear splitting screams of anger ripped from her throat as she spewed off every profanity she could at the captain. Her nails cutting deep scratches in his hands as she watched them be eaten, her heart breaking as tears streamed from her eyes.

Never, had anyone seen just truly how enraged she could get until they got back. Her voice booming through the large base as tears streamed from her eyes, her body shaking as words of pure heartbreak and anger shattered everyone’s hearts. Even the cold, emotionless caption had to hold in tears as he let her take out every bit of anger and heartbreak she felt. Only being stopped when she lunged at the man, being pulled away as she tackled him to the ground.

It broke their hearts watching her, her words nothing compared to the anguish and sadness in her voice. It was something that nobody wished another member to experience.

“Thank you so much mum.” She mumbled into her shoulder, making her smile as she pulled back, planting a small kiss to her forhead. “No problem sweety.” She said, a large smile on her face.

Erens eyes focused on his plate, mind swirling with anxiousness as he thinks of the next day.

He was informed of another mission the next day, something that both excited hun, but terrified the young boy.

Still having trouble controlling himself even today, he still had doubt in his mind. Fear of loosing control again, fear of hurting anyone on his team.

His thoughts were interrupted when he felt arms wrapping around him from behind, feeling her head leaning on his shoulder.

“Everything alright bubs? You’ve hardly eaten?” She asks, making a smile grow on his face.

Never did anyone think or imagine just how close they became. Nobody ever thought, that they would have one of the tightest bonds on the team. The care she holds for him, it even made some jealous for how much she values the young boy, and vise versa. The usually angry, cold man, calmed almost instantly when she was with him. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think she was his mother.

“Just worried about tomorrow is all.” He mumbles, feeling her arms wrap ever so slightly tighter around him. “Everything’s gonna work out, I know it’s scary, everytime we go out there it is. But we know exactly what to do, where we’re going, and we’ve got you on our side. You’re gonna do amazing, I know it.” She says, ending it with a kiss to his temple, one that makes his shoulders drop, and a smile to grow on his face.

And as she Predicted, it went smoothly, for the most part.

Since having her join the team, the death tole has greatly diminished. While there were a few, they typically would walk away with only injuries rather than the high body count they once had.

This mission, there were no casualties amongst the group. But there were a few who came back with injuries, knew that as soon as they finished, she ran to each one of them.

Her hands slowly wrap bandage around jeans arm, neatly and gently trying to keep it close to his body.

Letting out a small hiss from the deep cut on his arm, she gave him an apologetic look. “Sorry dear.” She said, voice laced with care as she tried to tie it without hurting him further. “It’s alright mum, thank you for this though.” He said, voice sounding, defeated. She was always able to read them all, even their always emotionless captain.

“What’s on your mind bubs, you can tell me.” She says, eyes looking into his. He lets out a sigh as he averts his from her stare. He knew she’d be able to tell.

“I-I almost got myself and my team killed. Again. Everyone counts on me to be great, but I can’t help but think I’m letting everyone down, I feel more like a hazard to the group.” His eye wells up with an unshed tear. He feels her thumb wipe his eye, looking at her as she cups his cheek softly. “You’re anything but that Jean. I promise, you’re a true born leader. I’m so proud of the progress you’ve made since I met you, and I’m always so happy to see how much you care about all of us. You’re anything but what you think dear, I promise.” Tears well up again in his eyes at her words, feeling them wrap around him like a blanket.

He pulls her into a tight embrace, feeling her hands running up and down his back.

Bertolt let’s put a grunt as he feels his cheek, feeling the deep cut that covered the skin. He knew it would heal by morning, but that doesn’t make the pain any less.

He watched as she walks over to him, knowing exactly why she came over.

“I’m fine, don’t worry about me.” He says. “I know you’ll be fine, but I still wanna at least disinfect it and patch it up.” She says, a smile on her face as she sits in front of him.

He knows he can’t fight her, and even then, he wouldn’t want her to.

If there’s one person besides his friends he truly cares about, it’s her. The amount of love she’s given him since he met her was something he detested at first, but slowly he grew to not only get used of it, but loving it. The care she has in her touch, her voice, and her eyes, is something that he’s never seen or felt at such a level.

They both sat silently as she cleans his wound, a small smile on his face as she applies the lightest touch. The amount of times he’s told her that she doesn’t have to be so soft, she’s always retort back with “i know it won’t hurt, but I’m still gonna be as gentle as I can just in case.”

As she finished up patching his cheek, she gives him a warm smile, one he matches. “Thanks mum, you really didn’t have to do that.” She smiles at the young mans words. “I know, but I still like to make sure you heal properly.” The young man chuckles at this, feeling her arms wrap around his lanky frame.

The room was almost completely silent as they walk in, her arms helping to bring him to his neatly made bed.

If there was one person who could read him like a book, it’d be her.

Levi tried to hide the long gash on his peck from her, trying to put a mask on as to not let her see the deep pain he felt as they rode home. The sharp winter air did nothing but made the cut sting worse, making his face even paler from the pain he felt.

He had done a pretty good job, that was until he had jumped off of his horse when they got back, nearly falling flat on his face of it wasn’t for her being right there to catch him.

Worry filled her as her heart nearly stopped, feeling the wet patch of his suit. A gasp leaving her lips when she saw the blood that stained her hand.

She instantly started bringing him inside, not once did she let him go, even when he told her he would be fine.

His heart fluttered rapidly as he watched her, eyes looking up at her concentrated face as she cleans his wound.

She had him lay on his bed, helping to take the top half of his gear off. Now only laying in his pants and socks, chest and torso completely bare as she washed the blood from his skin.

He hardly felt her feather light touch as she cleaned him, his mind solely focused on her. He could’ve easily done this himself, as he’s done countless times. But he couldn’t help but let her, when he saw the worry in her eyes.

“Alright, this might sting a bit so I’m sorry.” She says, dampening a fresh cloth with disinfectant.

A slight grunt leaves his lips as she places the cloth to his skin, the alcohol burning his skin slightly. “I’m sorry.” She says, voice sounding pained as she looks into his steel eyes. “It’s alright, I’ve felt way worse before.” He says, a smile painted on his face as he looks at her. “I know, but I still don’t like when anything harms you.” “Then you must be miserable because I’m always in harm's way.” He chuckles, making her let out a laugh, feeling his heart thump wildly in his chest. He loved seeing her smile, feeling his heart soar in his chest whenever it was because of him. “But thank you anyway, for this.” He says, making her cheeks flush as he looks into her eyes. “Anytime, you know I’ll always be here to fix you up no matter what.” She says, hands now resting on his bandaged chest. His eyes looking into hers, a smile on his face.

[zotlel]

Fall Into You (M) - 02

pairing: jaebeom x you

genre: romance, angst, series, eventual smut

synopsis: Your love life has been filled with nothing but bad experiences. Determined to give up on the idea of finding the one you meet a man who is desperate to change your mind and have you see him as more.

word count: 5.0k

Your skull feels as if it weighs over a hundred pounds, while your body was floating down a murky river of despair. You couldn’t bring yourself to open your eyes. All you know in this moment is that you need water. Now. 

Mustering up as much strength as humanly possible you swing your leg from your bed and hurry over to your bathroom. Hangovers are when you are at your lowest as a human. Craning your neck under your sink faucet you try to capture as much water as possible and allow it to slide down your throat. Once satisfied you shut off the water and try to steady yourself. Peeling one eye open at a time you notice that you were still in last night’s attire and also neglected to remove one of your boots. 

Last night? What happened last night?

Your brain begins to reel back in time to remember just how exactly you became as blackout drunk as you did. Last night, you can remember that Sofie and you were going to one of Dominic’s new restaurants, Jake couldn’t come. 

Okay, yes, this is good, now what else?

You neglected to eat dinner since you were worried about feeling bloated in your tight pants you were wearing. Opening your eyes again you look down at your jean-clad legs to confirm this much was true, and that also explained why you became so drunk so quickly. Dominic kept sending over tequila shots, his way of trying to harass you for the night the two of you hooked up while drunk off tequila, but you could never reject free drinks.

And then something else, something important happened.

A man!

Yes, that was it, a man came and sat in the booth with you when Sofie said she wanted to leave. You remember talking a lot to him and thinking he was incredibly handsome, but God you just could not remember his face or name for that matter.

His lips pressed deeply against yours as he cradled your cheek, heat spread over your body as desire licked at your loins. 

The flashback of kissing a total stranger last night has you smacking your forehead in embarrassment. How can you not even remember who you kissed last night? Did it stop there? Or did you also sleep with this man?

Jesus, you really were a train-wreck.

You groan to yourself when suddenly you hear something coming from your bedroom. Dread fills your body as you slowly turn to find the cause of the noise. This really could not be happening to you right now. Slowly you make your way to your bedroom to see a stray man with dark hair stretching his limbs in the morning light. Well, that confirmed your precious worries of whether or not you had sex last night. You never stayed the night with men, let alone in your bedroom, you must have been drunk out of your mind.

You stay still in the doorway as you watch the man slowly turn to meet your eyes. Not only was there a strange man in your bed, but it just had to be him. Jaebeom smiled lightly at you while rubbing the remnants of sleep out of one eye. You felt as if you were going to be sick.

“Hey, did you sleep okay?” Jaebeom asks you in his gruff morning voice.

You suddenly felt so exposed, so vulnerable, even while still in your clothes you felt as if you were naked to a crowd of a thousand eyes. His eyes were light, and slowly your memories of last night began to stitch together. Sofie wanted to leave when Jaebeom noticed you two, he had approached you wanting to apologize for New Year’s, but you were more interested in him than hearing any sort of apology. You talked for what felt like hours while he just listened and looked at you, with those same twinkling eyes. You may have also cried, hard to say for sure.

“U-Uh yes, fine,” you cough awkwardly. How can you be standing in the same room with someone you cried in front of and then proceed to fuck? The discomfort was sweeping through your body like a tidal wave, “I’m really sorry for last night.”

“Trust me there’s nothing to be sorry for,” Jaebeom says as he starts to fix your bedding.

How could you let this happen? Was your self-discipline really so low that you would go back on your word about no hookups in a mere week? Albeit that Jaebeom happened to be one of the most gorgeous men you have seen, it was no excuse. This was your time for healing and being alone, just like Sofie said. How can you ever be trusted?

“Everything okay? You look like you’re about to be sick,” Jaebeom must have noticed the worsening expression on your face as you scolded yourself internally. You bring a hand to your forehead attempting to get a grip of reality. The world felt as if it was spinning and flipping all around you like you were in some sort of tortuous drying machine. 

“I’m just feeling really shitty. I think it’s best if you leave,” you tell him.

To your surprise, Jaebeom nods his head in understanding and begins to make his way past you towards your bedroom door without any sort of complaint. You figure it would probably be best to walk him through the hall to your front door just in the case of your roommate being scared to death by a stranger in the apartment. Silently you tread behind Jaebeom, his shoulders were wide as they sloped past your narrow hallway, you couldn’t help but admire.

As the two of you begin to reach the door Jaebeom suddenly stops and turns to you. He says nothing as he only just stares into your eyes. You began to feel so small in his presence, the way his eyes looked so desperately at your own, searching for something you knew you didn’t have. With shame filling your body you instead turn your eyes to the floor, Jaebeom realizes your discomfort and reaches his hand to the doorknob. 

Still, with his back to you, he says something just loud enough for your ears, “If you ever need anything, call me. I saved my number in your phone.”

“S-Sure, thanks I will,” your body feels hot at his words, he nods once before leaving your apartment, shutting the door softly behind him.

You stand there unable to move from your spot as you process everything that just happened. Your hookup with Jaebeom, your lack of memory, his genuine concerning tone, and most of all how kind he was. Your brain felt like mush as you struggled to get a grip on this strange man. In your whole history of one-night stands, this one was by far the most confusing for you. 

Once you are able to clear these headache-inducing thoughts from your head you look up and see you have just about twenty minutes until you have to be at work. As if an alarm went off in your brain you begin to hurry down the hall and speedily rid yourself of the remnants from the night before. As much as you did enjoy the occasional, oh who were you kidding, the frequent cocktail, you prided yourself in always being professional and punctual when it came to your career. Let’s face it, you were a competent woman playing in a man’s world and those people would do anything to see you knocked down a peg. 

You make quick work of straightening out your business attire and smoothing your hair into a low bun, you could worry about makeup while on the subway. You leave the door in a huff and begin to make your way to the station. All the while you could not help but try to rack your brain about the events that happened the previous night.

You moaned softly into his ear as he began to slip his fingers inside your panties, dripping with desire he slowly drew a finger around your arousal.

Your hand that had been applying mascara stops at the memory. You sit dazed while the subway softly rocks you back and forth as it trugs along the underground tracks. This was bad. Not only did you sleep with Jaebeom, but you also very much enjoyed it according to your memories. The moments the two of you shared were incredibly vivid in your mind. But oh, did you long for his touch. It hadn’t even been twelve hours since the encounter but your body was already yearning for the way his body felt on yours.

Fuck, this was bad, you thought.

You could deal with all kinds of men and the memories they left you with. The memories of disgust, anger, heartbreak, even resentment. But you had absolutely no idea what to do with this feeling of longing. Longing for a man you barely knew was not something you were going to allow yourself. Was your resolve really this weak?

The subway announces the arrival of your stop breaking your internal melodrama and effectively allowing you to shift your gears into work-mode. If you can just get through this workday you will probably never even have to see that man again. And if you did then you were going to tell him exactly how you felt. 

No not felt, what you knew.

You know that for both of your sanities you could not even begin to humor the idea of having any sort of relationship with him. You were not looking for any sort of man in your life. Whether that be a boyfriend or a friend with benefits type. You needed time alone, and for him to enter your life at this time is just wrong on every level. 

You settle into work easily enough once you reach your office. The familiarity of your workspace helped kick any lingering thoughts out the door. The sounds of quick fingers against keyboards, a smell of old coffee and ink cartridges fluffing through the air, and of course the heavy stares of your male colleagues as they picked apart your every step. You pay them no mind as you settle into your office and log into your desktop.

“Would you care for some coffee Ms. L/N?” Stacy, the new intern had just popped her head into your office the moment you sat. Stacy was smart and diligent, she stayed late to do the higher-up’s paperwork and always made sure to hold her tongue. Good girl. It just upset you dearly that a person of her capabilities was stuck with no pay and fetching coffee.

“Yes Stacy, thank you for asking,” you replied back.

She smiled sweetly at you before exiting your office. Waiting not a second longer you begin to check your work email as usual responding to your clients. Your fingers ran fast across your keyboard as you simultaneously would respond and keep one eye on the market to see if you had lost any money for any of your investors. The green arrows that flowed steadily at your bottom screen gave you a sense of relief as you began to allow yourself to sink into your work and forget about everything else.

To some, the work you do may seem dull. You understood why exactly they would think that, but it was so far from the truth. You found such a thrill in the way the stock market worked. The uncertainty of it all kept you hungry to know more. Because let’s face it, nobody, not even stock managers like yourself, knew if you were about to lose all of your assets or turn someone into a millionaire. It was quite a thrill for you, and if you were being quite honest, you had a damn good intuition about these types the things. Which is how you became the youngest stock manager in your division with a million-dollar reputation at your back, but you weren’t much for bragging. 

You would question yourself as you looked around the room at your coworkers. Most of whom lived in penthouses and rolled up to work in their glittering Mercedes. How was it that you carried most of the company’s reputation on your back alone, yet you were still living in a two-bedroom flat in the meat-packing district? You looked up from your computer as you remembered, no woman as competent as yourself has come as far as you have in this company. Therefore you had to tread a new road for younger women who would surely come after you.

Stacy walks into your office quietly as she leaves a fresh coffee on a coaster near your workstation. You forced a tight smile as a thank you. You had to pave the road for people like her. Because here was a brilliant mind fresh from Harvard business and yet her biggest responsibility was remembering how everyone took their coffee. 

You try to ignore these disgruntled feelings as suddenly your phone begins to ring. Snapped from your thoughts you reach for the device to answer the call.

Before you speak a gruff voice is heard through the speaker, “Y/N can I see you in my office?”

Your boss’s voice is low as it rumbles out the request. Right away, you tell him as you set the phone back down and begin to make your way towards his office abandoning your fresh coffee. You make your way towards the end of the younger manager’s offices until you are perched directly in front of massive double doors. You knock twice before entering, seeing your boss up from his desk gazing out of his floor-to-ceiling window.

Mr. Hobbes was considered a young man for his CEO position at your company. You were never sure of his exact age due to his overwhelming need to keep his life as private as possible. His hair was just on the brink of becoming an ashy tone but still had flicks of golden locks throughout. Hobbes was always nicely shaven and had a distinct green smell that just screamed “wealth.” He was one of the only men in the office who never tried to hit on or belittle you. Therefore, he was tolerable.

“Come join me,” Hobbes calls out to you, never looking away from his window.

With a deep sigh, you make your way over to stand near him and overlook his office view alongside him. The two of you stood silently next to each other and just watched. The people, cars, birds, and just about everything that made movement outside. It was odd. Standing as close as you were to one of the most powerful men in the country you would think it would shake you. Yet you felt absolutely nothing.

“You have a brilliant mind,” he begins next to you, “Did you know that?

“Haven’t thought too much about it, I just try my best just like everyone else,” you respond back honestly.

At this Hobbes laughs, “You haven’t thought too much about it.”

He then turns to you. His deep turquoise eyes staring you down, blue eyes were your least favorite color. They felt cold and distant, madness could be hidden behind them. Hobbes’s eyes were different, instead of the cold, you could feel a warm breeze on an ocean. He was a comfortable person to be around.

“Well, would it be terribly rude of me to start asking you to think about it? To think about your future,” he asks you.

“Not rude at all, I would just like to know your reasoning behind these questions.”

Your boss walks away from the window to take a seat at his large mahogany desk. Wordlessly he requests you to sit across from him in one of the smaller chairs. You make your way over to sit politely hoping to God he couldn’t tell that you got dressed in less than five minutes this morning. 

“I want to make you the head of recruiting,” Hobbes says to you.

You can’t help but let your eyes widen at his words. Head of an entire department. Sure you were good at what you did but you had only been working at this company for three years. This was surely too soon for such a big promotion.

“Head?” You ask him again to which he nods. “Sir, with all due respect, am I not under qualified for that sort of position?”

“I don’t give a damn about qualifications or years of experience. I care about numbers, and yours are good, no, they’re the best.” He begins to say, “I need more brilliant minds like yours so I figure why not take the best manager we’ve got and have her show the newbies how it’s done.”

To say you were complimented would be an understatement. You were shocked that Hobbes felt this way about you. While working at the company he mostly had kept to himself, rarely would you see him out on company dinners or even speaking during meetings. He was withholding so much power that you never dared to get on his bad side.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Then don’t say anything yet,” Hobbes says. “Take time to think about it and come back to me with an answer by the end of the quarter.”

You nod your head at this, thanking him first you begin to stand and make your way towards his door. Before you are able to leave, your boss calls your name, you turn to see he had been following close behind. 

“Don’t let yourself think you are incapable,” he tells you. “I know talent when I see it and you’ve got it, Kid.”

You smile bashfully trying to avoid his eye contact. He laughs lightly at you before patting your shoulder gently in an encouraging way. You then turn to walk away once more and return to your office.

“That’s a good girl,” Jaebeom whispers in your ear as you feel his cock penetrate your dripping core from behind.

You turn back around shocked and look at your boss. Hobbes was staring curiously at your expression waiting for you to speak.

“I’m sorry did you say something?” You ask, afraid for the answer.

“I said you’re a smart girl Y/N,” he smiles lightly before turning his back to you and returning to his desk.

Your cheeks are hot from the misunderstanding as you quickly make your way to leave his suffocating office. Quick feet down the hallways as you desperately try to reach your office without having anyone notice your frazzled state. Slamming your office door your back meets the cool surface as you try and regain your normal heart-rate from the erotic memory.

You put your head in your hands to attempt to grab a hold of your subconscious. This situation was worse than you thought. How can one night of sex with Jaebeom be haunting you this much? Was it really that incredible? You sit back as you laugh at your own question. It was more than incredible. It was the best you have ever had.

You decided it would probably be best for you to drown yourself in work for the rest of the day. You needed so desperately for something to help distract you from your wandering mind, thank God statistics and economics had absolutely no sex appeal.

Time ticked on throughout your office. Your eyes stayed glued to your desktop screen but you could tell that the lights had begun to dim settling into the night around you. Fellow workers could be seen stretching their sore limbs high in the air before they gathered their things to leave. Quiet goodbyes were exchanged amongst the masses as everyone decided their life outside of this office would be a much greater place to be. 

You on the other hand could not let yourself be spared a single moment to yourself. It was the moment when the sensory lights had triggered to turn off in your office that you finally took in your surroundings. Once again you were the only person left in the office. With a big sigh you lean far back in your chair, elongating your spine against the back of the chair you begin to finally feel the exhaustion in your body. 

Deciding it was probably best for you to leave, you quickly gather your things and make your way out of the building. The bitter January air had you holding your coat closer to your body to try and conserve as much heat as possible. The other people passing you along the street seemed unaffected by the weather, it was after all a Friday night. Your workplace happened to be in the dead-center of the hippest club scene in your city. It was fun for you to watch people as you made your way to the underground subway station. With your headphones in, a soft calming melody played to assist in healing your slight headache as you watch young men and women laugh and hang off one another. You smile lightly admiring the way they all looked so alive and happy. 

The ride through the subway was nothing out of the ordinary. You would occasionally catch yourself dozing off only for the loud blaring station announcements to wake you from your short-lived slumber. On your cold walk home from the subway station to your apartment, you couldn’t help but think about how nice a hot shower sounded.

Lost in your own world you hardly notice there was a certain new constant man in your life sitting on the front steps of your apartment. Quickly you remove your earphones from your ears, just then he notices your presence. Jaebeom looks up to you, smiling slightly, he rises to his feet until he is standing right in front of you. He smells like spring rain.

“Jaebeom, what are you doing here?” Suddenly feeling incredibly insecure about your appearance under his hot stare you make quick work to smooth down your frizzy hair.

“I just needed to talk with you,” he says, the heat of his words causing a cloud to release with it in the chill of the city night.

“About what?”

He laughs slightly at your accusatory tone. Jaebeom takes in the scenery around him, the dimly lit neighborhood streets illuminated where the two of you stood. Softly rubbing the back of his neck Jaebeom tried to calm his own nerves. 

“Well, we had a really good time last night, right?” Jaebeom asks you now, looking you directly in the eyes. You blush at this, remembering all the flashbacks you had been getting during your busy workday. It was now your turn to get shy as you look to your feet, too flustered to meet his stare. A slight wind worked its way between your bodies as if to wrap the two of you in one cold embrace.

“I just wanted to come here and ask you properly,” he says, causing you to look up at him curiously. “I wanted to ask you on a proper date.”

Jaebeom speaks while searching your eyes nervously, afraid himself that he may have misread the connection the two of you had. You yourself could not deny the chemistry you felt with Jaebeom. Sleeping together was one thing, but you were nowhere in the right headspace to be dating right now. If only you had met him later when you were fixed.

“Jaebeom I’m flattered really,” you begin to say, already cringing at your lame line. “Us hooking up last night was a mistake on my part. I am not in the right place to be with anyone.”

You continue your rant as Jaebeom looks perplexed.

“Sleeping together, dating… I can’t do any of it right now. So I’m sorry but I just don’t think this,” your hand waves between your two bodies for emphasis. “Is going to happen.”

You realize what you said was harsh. Hell, if you were on the other end of this rhetoric with a guy you really liked you would be crushed. Unfortunately, you had to be this upfront with men. You’ve tried subtly in the past, and somehow these guys just never understood that you were not interested. After much trial and error, you have discovered being upfront, albeit harsh, was the best solution.

“I-” Jaebeom begins to speak but then suddenly laughs. You stare at him with confusion. You expected a certain reaction from him, but laughter definitely caught you off-guard. Jaebeom can hardly contain himself as he turns to try and calm himself. Meanwhile, you stood just waiting to hear his explanation for his strange reaction. 

“That explains this morning then I guess…” Jaebeom says to himself causing your patience to dwindle.

“I totally understand you not being ready,” he finally calms himself down enough to speak with you. “But Y/N, we did not hook up last night.”

Your head recoils back in shock and confusion, you stare into Jaebeom’s eyes trying to see if he was somehow using this as some sort of power-play against you. When looking at his eyes though, all you could find was sincerity. 

How can this be true? You distinctly remember separate occasions of him from last night while sleeping with him. Come to think of it though, you were fully dressed when you woke up, and so was Jaebeom. Can you even remember coming home with him? Your mind was completely blank.

“After the restaurant, I walked you home,” Jaebeom can sense your confusion from your facial features and decides to fill in the empty space. “Once I got you home you asked me to come inside to make sure you got to bed. You started to get really upset once we got to your room so I lied with you in bed for a bit until you calmed down, and then I must have fallen asleep after then.”

Your cheeks are burning bright red, as you do in fact remember everything Jaebeom just said to be true. You remember sobbing once you got to your bed, you remember asking him to hold you. If you could die from embarrassment, you would already be standing in your grave.

“But I remember things from last night, I remember us kissing and you-” you try and salvage your shameful memories, but have a hard time getting yourself to say that you remember him fucking you.

“And I?” 

“You, touching me…” You look up at him and see a tinge of amusement on his face at your shy confession.

“Well I have to say, I am truly flattered you had a very vivid dream about me,” his smirk on his face is accompanied by a red tinge in his cheeks thinking of the two of you becoming intimate. 

“But I can assure you we just slept next to each other, I would definitely remember if more happened.”

He laughed lightly clearly finding this whole situation to be just one big misunderstanding. This was so angering for you to hear though. Jaebeom was now openly mocking you in your eyes for the thoughts that attacked you all day.

“I’m so glad you find this amusing, now if you don’t mind I would like to go inside and forget last night ever happened,” your words hold little meaning as the anger controls your tongue.

Jaebeom looks surprised at your reaction as you attempt to move past him. He can now clearly see you did not find this situation funny in the least bit.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you,” Jaebeom is frantic as you pass by him trying to reach your door. Softly he grasps your wrist causing you to look back and see his pained expression as he worries if he has hurt you.

“I understand you’ve gone through a lot,” he begins to say. “I just know what that feels like and it’s nearly impossible to go through those feelings alone.”

“You know absolutely nothing about me Jaebeom. Don’t feel special just because I used you as an emotional dumpster when I was too drunk to realize what I was doing.” 

You can feel the peak beginning to approach in your anger and it almost scares you. The last time you blacked out from your anger, it took more than apologies to recover the damage.

“You need to back the fuck off,” you spit venom at him.

He seems completely thrown back from your harsh words. His eyes are pleading with you, worrying that he might have upset you beyond repair. Behind all this banter Jaebeom cared for you as a person and he wanted more than anything for you to see him as more than just another man. He would never even think of trying to control or suppress you. He wanted so much more from you, he needed to know so much more.

You were not ready like him. Not ready to leap forth into another unknowing relationship with a man. He was the right person, but now was definitely not the right time. 

Silently he lets your wrist go as you hurry inside your apartment. Slamming the door you rest your back against it trying to control your breathing. The look on Jaebeom’s face was hurt. You had hurt him. Regret crawled its way up your chest making you feel absolutely nauseous for the way you handled speaking with him. The man had confessed to you for fucks sake. And you have the audacity to get upset with this complete stranger and hurt him just because you were embarrassed? 

This was a new low of yours.

[kissme-hs]

Tainted Love : 2

Here’s awaited part 2 of our recent heartbreak. I would very much appreciate the feedback and suggestions for further improving my writing skills. Also, thank you everyone who showed me love and support it means a lot. I haven’t proof read it so I apologise for any mistakes. I hope you all like it!!

-Ria

Warnings: none

Pairing : Reader x Chris Evans

Tainted love : 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once a cheater, always a cheater. If you can let you heart drag your feelings from the person you believed you loved to a stranger who’s looks were so mesmerizing it made you tremble break the trust your person put in you, you are nothing but a sinner. The sin of crushing someone’s heart for your greedy needs, the heart which would die to give you love is worst than any other. 

You thought this whole time Chris wasn’t the one to be blamed. You thought he went to seek comfort and warmth which you failed to give him for a few days. You thought he felt lonely just because you were working so hard to be accepted in his glamorous world. The blame was on you, as per YOU. But oh boy how wrong you were. The kind heart you carried took the blame of Chris’s sin. Poor you who thought maybe just maybe if you gave him your time things would be different. You left thinking maybe this is what fate wanted. 

No.                                                             

It was never you. Being a kind person came with cons of being taken advantage of. You neither were neither dumb to be fooled easily nor were you the cleverest not once not falling for someone’s fake tears. Your generosity was one of the beautiful traits that made Chris fall in love. Your empathetic self always tried helping the world as much as you could. You were indeed a piece of art he chose to love.

The fault wasn’t yours. He knew. He was aware of how much you were working hard to be accepted in his world of fame, to stand up to expectations of his fans and people surrounding him in being The Chris Evans’s girlfriend. And he appreciated it. Chris was grateful for what you were doing. He was thankful to the lord for bringing such an angel in his life filling it up with joy and happiness. For giving him someone who loved him so dearly he felt the world moved beneath his feet. He was so in love with you even till the date he was on top of that lady. But the thing is, it all did not start when you became busy, it all started way before.

He wouldn’t like saying it was a mistake because it wasn’t. A mistake is an action you do unwilling without any intention. The very first second she pressed her lips to his and he kissed her back was unintentionally as it was a reflex respond of his lips getting used to kissing yours. But the moment after when he pulled her back in grabbing her by her throat was the minute he lost his defense of calling it a mistake. He was well aware and sober enough to know what he was doing. None of the actions ‘just happened’ he chose to do it. It was his own decision sneaking out of the house just to get a taste of her. He forgot about the woman lying beside him dreaming of a beautiful life for the both of them. No longer had Chris started enjoying the feeling of her body connected to his. The new taste got him addicted. The growing lust overshadowed the emotions he had for you.

“I love the way you take me in baby” Chris bite her ear as he thrust in her body bringing himself to the edge.

“Just like your girlfriend does” She smirked and for a second it felt like the realization hit his mind. He looked at the lying lady beneath him and searched for the face he fell for but couldn’t find it. His mind wandered to your face taking in your beauty but the feeling of lust overcame his thoughts.

“Even better”

The feeling of devastation was real as you stumbled out of the house with an aching heart. Your eyes were blurred with the tears he caused you caused because in the back of your head it was your entire fault. The sound of your clicking heels echoed the empty parkway as you quickly rushed to get seated in your car before getting noticed by your neighbors or hiding paps. There was no sun out that day. The sky was dull and grey and soon you heard the rain drop on your roof. Seemed like the universe was helping you, signaling you to let the pain out as you let out a loud cry. If anyone stood outside, it’d hard for them to figure out that you were yelling In ache because of the rain muffling your broken voice.

Every sob reminded you of the time Chris promised you he wouldn’t make you cry.

But here you were sitting with broken promises and tainted love.

Even though Chris was finding someone else attractive, it didn’t mean he stopped caring about you. He missed you with every breath he took, he missed you when he looked at the photos hung on the wall, he missed you looking at the t-shirts you’ve worn. He knew he was up to no good when he decided to still keep holding onto you when he was seeing someone else. He would not deny that he is as selfish man when it came to you. Him fucking her, never changed the fact that at the end of the day it YOU who he thinks of. So when you were almost two days late coming from the business trip he panicked. Yes, he should’ve called to check on you but that’s the thing. There were bare phone calls, bare test messages, bare kisses and almost to nothing of I love you’s.

His mind blurred with the most regretting thoughts, none of them close to him cheating on you but instead something bad happening to you. Little did he know, you already saw the worst of all.

“Hey where are you” He typed in biting his lips, the little voice in his head hinting that you might’ve come across to his dirty little secret but brushing it off he hit the send button. And the wait began. He waited for an hour, two hours and soon he fell asleep waiting for you to text him back. He was sprawled on the couch when his phone buzzed awaking him from his little dream-land.

“Hey Chris,

I came home. I was standing right in front of you but you were so blinded by the beauty of your mistress that you couldn’t see the girl you love once loved. I am sorry for not loving you enough Chris. I am sorry you felt the need to seek love from someone else. Only if I was able to give you the happiness you wouldn’t have done what you did. Please don’t be mad at yourself because I know you will, because I know no one can stop you from caring about me. The way you look at her tells me enough to let you go. And so I will. I hope you find happiness in her. But it won’t change the fact that I still love you, dearly and heavily like I always did.

Take care,

I love you Chris.”

With just mere words he felt his world crashing down. He can’t imagine the pain you felt when the man you loved was fucking another girl in the same bed you made love on. For the first time the guilt crawled up his throat as he let out a gasp, his breath became heavy and his hands went cold. How could he never even once think what would happen if you saw it? How could he not. Just imagining you in bed with someone else feels like getting punched in the guts and makes him want to strangle the man then how could he do the same to you. And oh poor you, he thought. Took the blame on you, left him to be without putting up a fight.

For a second he was disappointed hearing you just give up but then he realized, he was the one who started it. When he saw her working hard day and night he should’ve held you tight, telling you how much he loved you, how much he appreciated you but instead he carried on with his little fling.

His eyes picking up tears and his stomach churning with regret. He did not know what to do. The shame was eating him alive knowing he had the best in the world but he still went for something which was nothing but an illusion.

He promised to give you the love in fairytales but gave you a tainted one instead.

—

Sorry if this didn’t turn out as you thought it would. I wanted to keep things real and based on my personal opinions I would never give a person who cheated on me a second chance.

Tags

@captainchrisstan

@evansphnx12

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se3, ep 12 (Part 1)

The aftermath of the curse lifting~ Btw, the timeline is super messy. Flashbacks & background stories aren’t this anime’s best tool, it’s always felt messy when they attempt that. more on it in my side notes below. Now into the ep~

-Yuki & Machi: ( Blossoming Love!):

I love that the author attempted different direction of romantic love with yuki/machi that suits yuki’s personality! Opposite to kyo/tohru who had the (from best friends to lovers/ from roommates of 3 years to lovers). Yuki & machi’s love is based on natural crush & while she isnt his best friend, she’ll be his lover & they’ll know each other after dating. Both types of love are realistic & have their own path of dynamics, which is clear with how yuki/machi will be interacting & how kyo/tohru are now interacting since becoming official. I’m still bummed most of yuki/machi’s “noticing each other” is supposed to be off-screen, it robbed me of seeing yuki interact in a normal teenage-boy crushing on a girl which contrasts his relationship with kakeru, kyo, haru & tohru. Now, we’ll start the “ official-boyfriend yuki” stage! Also, this jump to confessions didnt help machi have any uniqueness beside being saved by yuki’s words from her trauma. watching her interact with him normally would’ve added realistic depth to her being a normal girl with unique cute quirks differently from tohru, Isuzu, kagura or even motoko!. Oh well~ moving on & focusing on the meaningful cute confession. I loved that altho there were a hug & a kiss, it didn’t have “ I love you” statement. You know they (will) love each other so dearly, but they’re in stage 1 now, she just called him by his first name for the first time! cute! I love that the emphasis is on the “ first name” calling since this is a huge key to yuki’s identity & struggle. Also, It is cute she bought a gift to tohru! This is a set-up to a healthy relationship with yuki since she isn’t jealous from a precious woman in his life that isnt related by blood.

-Moving towards the future: Kyoru’s final stage of growth!

By Kyokoy’s grave Kyo & tohru had key moment of growth & healthy closure to their core character issues::

1- Kyo’s toxic habit of running from life became a desire to run towards life!: While this habit is rightfully excused by his trauma, it needed to be addressed once his curse broke. We know he stopped running & faced his dad, confessed to tohru, accepted her love, embraced his crazy desire for her & accepted he deserved to be loved! Even ran towards tohru, chasing her! However, all the above is him running to the good current life in his grasp. He needs to run to the far away future this time! Needs to plan for the good & accept that the bad is part of it. struggling is part of life & he’ll endure it together with her, while enjoying life’s rewards.

I love that kyo is the one who suggested moving out to another city/place, cuz kyo was the one NOT living. He was long dead & trapped in the cage of his guilt & self-loath. Tohru at least was living thro helping others ( which is not real living but at least it’s better). Kyo was “ Mom, why didn’t you kill me instead of yourself?” ,“ I’ll kill yuki & then kill myself, would that please you, dad?!”, “ I cant forgive me, I dont want you to forgive me, tohru”. Walking on a road of self-destruction & slow death. But now, with tohru he wants life!!! all of it!! travel, learn, see, struggle, fail, succeed, build their own future by themselves.

I love that kyo didnt take tohru’s approval for his plans for granted. He really didnt think she’ll accept right away. He didnt even want her to dedice quickly, He was prepared for compromising to a better solution for them both. They’ll work other possibilities “ if i’m gonna live in this world, I want to do it with you”.

I love that kyo was real abt the obstacles ahead & didnt want tohru to just follow him based on love. He wanted her to decide on her own as well. He also, left the door open for her to change her mind anytime & this screams support & understanding!! Very powerful!.

2- Thoru’s toxic habit of being ashamed to desire anything for herself, living for others & wearing a happy “i’m okay” mask while concealing her true feelings became confidence, self-clarity & honesty: The tohru who was smiling while concealing grief on the beach is gone, the tohru who kyo had to coax her to “complain, be selfish” se01,ep5, to “not hide worrying over a relative’s sickness” se02, ep14 “ cry if she needs to” se3, ep6, is now telling kyo her honest opinion abt his proposal, while thinking of her own self as much as him & even objecting to his sentiment abt her mom’s words!!!!

I love that tohru is now a confident free woman making her own decisions based on self-honesty & communication with her partner. She wasn't just “okay” with it cuz he wants it while putting fake smile, No more of that. Now, she’ll say her true feelings, she asked him abt his plans, tried to see if it is a spur of the moment decision or if he really thought abt it. She also inquired where’s heading, who he talked to, what he’s planning! She is deciding for herself after hearing him! ok, this is your plan? I like it. I’m going!  Very powerful!.

I love that like how kyo was realistic abt the plan having some difficulties due to starting away by themselves, she was also realistic that it is indeed sad to part with my friends, my hometown, & my mom’s resting-place, but i’ll choose ME now. “I” want to go with you for “me”. This is not a bind I’ll follow you wherever love story, this is realistic depiction of healthy relationship. Acknowledging hardships & accepting them saves you from being crushed by failure, you’ll endure it when it eventually happens & move on, cuz God knows we DO fail & succeed! Life isnt smooth sailing~ 

I love that tohru complemented him on his plan cuz she could see that is a sign of growth. If she’s gonna share her life with this man, it is delightful to see that he is thinking of a happier, healthier & realistic future! Cuz kyo was this destroyed man~ so destroyed he was pushing her away despite loving her dearly, now, he’s asking her opinion & permission to accompany him!

I love that tohru made sure to touch upon kyo’s last scar “ my mom doesnt hate you” This is a scar that wont go away even if kyo is mentally healthy. Cuz death is the ultimate truth. He can never hear kyoko’s affirming her love for him, he’ll have to trust in it based on their earlier interaction together. Tohru is powerfully & stubbornly taking away most of his pain by affirming her acknowledge of her mom. You might disagree kyo, you might still feel a bit guilty, it might haunt you sometimes. but me? NO. Never. Mom loved you. She meant ONLY good. Hopefully my determination heals you bit by bit, & it DOES. Kyo stands bravely, confidently & happily in front of kyoko’s grave & instead of saying “ i apologize for hurting you, or tohru, I’m sorry, forgive me”.  he tells her he’ll keep their promise & protect tohru for life! he literally proposed there in front of her mom & all. T_T

-Kyoko’s Words: ( Sometimes, you don’t get to know the whole truth & that’s okay):

Can’t describe how much I love this part. This is the most painful yet important lesson in furuba. Life isn’t a movie where the entire truth is exposed to the characters or the audience. Sometimes you live & die without getting to know an important truth, hearing a much needed confirmation, or getting a loved one’s forgiveness. There are things in our life that we just can’t get back no matter how much we tried. What we do, then? die? despair? throw away what we DO have in our hands for this lost truth no matter how important it was to us? No, we do the only thing we can. Live. Not just go thro life’s motion, but really live. Accept the good & the bad. This is so goddamn easy & difficult as hell too!

-Kyo not knowing kyoko’s words at that time was tragic. It was so tragic it sent kyo into a suicidal descent into the abyss. The wounds of his mom’s death that were slowly healing with kazuma’s care got re-opened & poured blood! The old destructive habits became full force, The toxic coping habits returned with its ugliness. I can’t kill myself literally? I’ll do it figuratively. trapped, caged, destroyed, eyes shut, ears closed, only seeing his pain. Kyo is us. All of us in any moment of true crushing despair. He could never bring the dead back, hear their loving words or ask forgiveness. Thro kyo, the author is telling us... I know. You had your moment of lost truth, didn’t you? I know. IT IS OKAY. live, my child. your pain is valid, let it take its course, but afterwards live bravely.

-Kyo’s path towards healing is: the ugliest cuz it hurt tohru of all ppl, the longest cuz he was the last one to move on, the bloodiest cuz he’ll never have the ppl he lost, the rockiest cuz he failed & failed, the most frustrating cuz he repeated his mistakes over & over, He couldnt even do it alone. needed intervention & support. He lost hope. completely. But it is okay even if you fell as deep as kyo: stand up. even if you never learned the truth: let go. even if you were the last one to learn or heal: it isn’t a race. Embrace life with its good & bad & continue as kyoko said “ you fought well”

-Kyoko’s parting plea to her daughter broke my heart into pieces. Death is ugly, but death is a truth that we can’t escape. The leaving ones is hurting as much as the ones left behind, but hopefully, the leaving ones will find a happiness a kin to the ones left behind. yuki’s "say a prayer & move one, one step at a time” is all you can do.

-Kyoko was: a gangster who hurt others (ugly path), repented, married & had a daughter (fulfilling path), widowed & left her daughter while grieving (ugly path), came back, repented & tried to raise tohru well, love her enough! (fulfilling path), died & left her young high school daughter all alone (heartbreaking path) but she accepted that the last path isn’t sth she can fight, prayed, & accepted her fate~

-Kyoko~~ “ you fought well”  while you were alive~ you really did! The Tohru you left behind helped a whole clan & hopefully readers as well! you tohru is loved by an entire generation of readers & anime watchers. Tohru is so precious & I can’t stop crying~

Side Notes:

Timeline is super messy & confusing. (a) Tohru’s hospital discharge, kyoru’s hug & curse break for everybody all happened at the (late) afternoon. While curse was breaking, akito was wearing her white kimono & she cried until tohru hugged her on sunset. (b) Before tohru’s hospital shigure’s face was scar-less. we first saw the scar in the afternoon & he was wearing his kimono.

Now the flashback, Akito wearing her outfit from her talk with the maid (which also happened while kyo was talking to his dad which is on the same day) & shigure wearing suit & it’s sunset time??????? How can the sunset happen before the curse break on the afternoon? She inflected the scars on the sunset, how did he have them on the afternoon of the same day?? both changed outfits which is even weirder??? Someone help me put things on order. Or is order not important? If the sequence of events isn’t important, then, why did it have to happen on the curse break day??? Shigure could’ve had his scars a day or two before tohru’s discharge.

Also the OP started in the middle of yuki’s scene which was so odd!

No big deal, but I still feel that yuki’s curse break would’ve been thematically powerful last ep. Especially after seeing The Zodiac Ruler come & collect the spirits. The legend would've been wrapped powerfully on the same ep where it was told. We see the zodiacs’ original story & we see its closure. It would’ve made tohru/akito’s hug more symbolic. An end of an era to akito & to them all. Real Goodbye to the zodiac animals, but now we had a goodbye & a half. lol.

Is yuki the only one seeing the cursed spirit? He looked down at it? I dont remember the others looking down where an animal would be? Is yuki’s curse special? different? He got all the ropes/bonds around him? I really thought yuki’s theme is all abt desiring to be normal & despising the “special” treatment that haunted him even in school. 

Momiji/ kagura /kyo interaction is cute!

Haru/Yuki/ Isuzu interaction is cute as well. XD

Kagura, girl, you used to have best fashion, what’s up with jeans under knee length dress?! lol.

I’ll be honest. It is a lost opportunity that machi weren't made to question how teen-tohru is yuki’s mom. That would’ve solidified her as a unique stand alone character if she were to discuss it with yuki. Tohru being yuki’s mom figure is not normal, otherwise yuki’s entire dilemma of figuring out his feelings for tohru would’ve become meaningless. Having machi quickly “understand” it is a bit weird. But it helps the plot move quickly, I guess. ( it reminds me of Arisa hugging akito when she confessed stabbing kureno without questioning anything, it is weird, but you get the message that “ we aint got time for that~ gotta hop on the next plot).

I love that furuba subverted the old anime-trope of the entire happy cast staying together in one city/place & living exactly like they did in their teens except being married now! XD. It is so realistic that each character is now moving on their path of life~

Tohru wore a ring in her foreshadowing vision! SHE WORE A RING! My baby girl is a grown woman now~ T_T. I love tohru so much!~

Shigure/ akito & the last banquet is in my review part 2. I’ve been editing out any thoughts abt Shigure from my previous posts. I needed to see the whole picture first. I think can now talk abt them, I’m looking forward to the comments of the next part cuz I really really need to see if I understood it or if i’m off.

[hawkland]

Destiel fic recs (round #4) + commentary

Time for another (mostly) Destiel fic rec round-up post before my bookmarks get out of control! This one’s a mix of longer and some shorter fics (or series thereof), no particular theme except I guess a lot of angst, hurting Cas, and all the other things that tickle my Id. Several Season 9 human!Cas divergence fics, plus some later season angst-fests and rewrites.

In the Shadow of your Wings by Enochian Things (Salr323) (52k) The first of two fics by this author which I absolutely fell in love with! Canon-divergence from the end of Season 11. Cas finds himself blasted to Naples, Italy by the banishing sigil in the bunker and he stumbles — almost literally — into a sexy, delightful Italian Man of Letters, Luca. When he makes his way back to the bunker and finds Dean still alive, he tries to confess his feelings but Dean panics and shuts him down. Cas goes back in Italy soon thereafter and ends up beginning a relationship with Luca, much to Dean’s chagrin. Meanwhile Sam is still missing and it turns out there may be some dangerous individuals who are out for Cas more so than even the Winchesters. 

I loved everything about this fic so much - Luca is an amazing OC, the Naples and London locations are wonderfully evoked and took me straight back to places I’d been. The angst, the pacing, the plotting and the eventual Dean/Cas getting together are all amazing and this is definitely on my re-read in the future list.

The rest of my recs below the cut!

My heart is beating from me by Enochian Things (Salr323) (55k) The other fic by this author that I literally inhaled in one day! Season 9 Human!Cas canon divergence. It’s been months since Sam and Dean have heard from Cas, and when they do, it’s in the form of a wedding invitation. Cas is getting married to Daphne - the woman who “rescued” him and named him Emmanuel when he’d lost all his memories post-Leviathans. It seems Cas went back to her while on his own and they’ve rekindled their relationship...whatever it is. Dean just knows something isn’t right about her, so he sets out to investigate and try to figure out WTF Cas is doing before it’s too late. 

This story is so, so good! The case Dean gets Cas to come along on is unique and provides a neat investigation subplot, but what’s so especially wonderful is the explanation the author gives of who Daphne really is — and why she’d been so cool about just having a strange man with no memories move in to be her “husband” (and then want to marry him for real a couple years later, after he’d vanished from her life!) In fact it’s so brilliant I’m basically accepting it as my Daphne headcanon from now on and I don’t want to spoil it. The fic is also great in exploring Cas still struggling with understanding human emotions, customs and etiquette, Sam is A Very Good Friend, and Dean is, well, Dean. (I’m just sad this author hasn’t written more SPN fics because what they have is just brilliant.)

The wilderness. by orange_crushed (8k) Wonderful, shorter Season 9 canon divergence fic by an author who consistently makes me happy. Human!Cas leaves the bunker with a few things to get off the ground from Dean and directions to connect with Garth...but he ditches that plan to try to find his way on his own. It’s wonderfully detailed about the basic struggles of survival, finding work, making ends meet and trying to make some new friends...and why it’s important for him to prove he can make it on his own before he’s willing to welcome Dean (back) into his life.

I Through My Window See by deHavilland (26k) This is an interesting one, written well before we had canon human!Cas in Season 9. Canon-divergence in which Cas remains human after they avert the apocalypse in Season 5. Sam and Dean set him up in an apartment in Sioux Falls and then...just kind of abandon him there. He spends most of a year just barely existing before a visit from Sam finally stirs him out of his inertia and depression, to eventually get a job and also start hunting on his own. This is an interesting read, if just to see an author exploring the idea of human!Cas abandoned by Dean a few years before it actually...ended up becoming canon! I love how Cas is written in this (it’s a story much like the next one on my list that I thought does an amazing, realistic job of capturing what depression feels like), but I do have some issues with Dean. It’s never fully resolved or explained why Dean was being such an ass so I honestly wasn’t totally sold on the ending - I wanted some more out of Dean, some more explanation or apology or something. It’s a story that would have been great to have a sequel from Dean’s POV but after all this time, that will just have to exist in my brain, I suppose! Still worth a read because it’s excellently written, Cas becomes totally bad ass again by the end and it’s always fun to read early SPN fic speculating on future developments.

I Shall Not Want by domesticadventures (20k) I found myself inhaling a bunch of wonderful short ficlets by this author the other day, but this is the one I had to stop at to rec. It’s another Season 9 divergence fic, of a sort - Cas is newly human, for the sake of the story there’s no Abbadon to worry about, Sam is healed...and Sam wants to move out and get on with his own life. Cas and Dean are both struggling with adapting to their new lives and it’s a hauntingly rich and stark portrayal of depression, inertia, and the slow healing process of accepting and adapting to change. I also liked that this story gives us a Dean who is a little more aware of his feelings for Cas and they both struggle to reach out to each other - for once it’s not sexuality causing a crisis of identity but all the other shit they are coping with.

Don't Sing Love Songs by ireallydidthistomyself (17k). I’m not normally a big fan of baby/toddler!Jack fics - I like the angst that he was forced to grow up too quickly, and in general I’m not big on kid!fic in fandom. This author’s work is a big exception to that. They’ve written several stories along a similar theme: Cas raising Jack on his own/in secret for years, Dean only finding them or coming back into their lives later on. But this is the version of that idea that really packed the most punch for me and was incredibly emotionally satisfying. Dean finds Cas after 6 years, where he’s kept Jack mostly isolated and safe from the world. But with Dean allowed back into his life, Cas may be inviting grave danger upon Jack as well. This one ripped my heart out but managed to make it all better by the end.

Better Ways to Kill Our Time by always_a_birthday_girl (8k) I don’t know why I torture myself reading Dean-in-the-Ma’lak-box AUs, but I do. I think because it’s pretty much my biggest nightmare/horror and for some reason it’s cathartic while terrifying? Anyway here’s one where Dean goes through with his plan, Cas crashes and burns for most of a year, until Dean finally starts doing what he promised he wouldn’t: praying to him. Cas figures out a way to communicate back and over the distance, they manage to have certain conversations they should have years before. It’s painful but lovely and there is a happy ending, so it’s well worth the read!

Time Flows Like Water and We're Drowning by triedunture (7.9k) A little break from the later-seasons stuff I (mostly?) read, featuring a seriously hot (but angsty) Cas/Endverse!Cas/Dean threesome. When Zacariah’s plan to show Dean the future doesn’t change his mind about taking on his “responsibility”, he sends Endverse!Cas back in time to try to convince Cas instead, showing him what he’s to become. I don’t think Zac expected it to turn into a threesome, but it’s hot and beautiful and sad and wonderful all at once. 

hachikireru by vaudelin  (23k) At one point I went on a wallow-fest of reading a bunch of sad 14x20-15x03 divorce-arc fics. Just to hurt myself more, I guess. I know this fic’s been recced around a lot (at least on fail_fandomanon) and I can see why! After leaving the bunker, Cas ends up in Sioux Falls to visit Claire. She’s busy tracking down leads to find Kaia’s killer and he decides to go along with her on one such hunt. But what they find is an unexpected supernatural threat targeting those with broken hearts. Well. I think you know where that might be leading. This is a wonderful casefic with lots of character moments between Cas & Claire and then Cas & Dean, working through their pain and angst and just...it’s a very satisfying read.

Moriah Codas: A Trilogy by Toomanyfandoms99 (11k total) A series of 3 shorter fics spinning off the events of 14x20, developing a slightly divergent universe the author’s written where Cas does have his wings back and has helped resurrect a few of the angels (Balthazar, Gabriel, and Samandriel in particular). This series is absolutely heartbreaking — Cas is completely broken by Jack’s loss, has “fallen out of love” with Dean after he was ready to kill Jack, and sees no way back to what he’d had and felt before. He’s determined to just let the Empty take him...but not until he and his assembled squad of “avenging angels” clean up the mess Chuck has created, smiting zombies and taking out super-powered monsters across North America. 

Cas’s motorcycle gang/angel squad is so fucking awesome (I want a happy fic where they do this!) and this is BAMF!Cas at his finest. I just have to include a quote:

He set down the empty glass, and Gabriel said, “well, dearly beloved, we have gathered here today to kick some zombie ass. Since they have chosen to amass in Carthage, we are here to take out as many as we can without causing this town to flip the fuck out. Are we in agreement?”

“I expect,” Balthazar grinned, “a full-on bar brawl. Do not disappoint me.”

“Cassie, Driel,” Gabriel addressed the duo, “how are we with weapons?”

“I have enough machetes in a storage facility uptown to film a Jackie Chan movie,” Castiel said.

But it’s also utterly and completely heartbreaking, so don’t read this one if you need a happy ending. If you do read, check out the author’s other later-season coda fics and fic series as they are all really great.

to mend what is not broken by gothyringwald (2.6k) This last short one I’ve mentioned before, but I just have to rec it again! It was my gift for the 2021 Hurt Comfort Gift Exchange and it’s everything I wanted, and more. Sweet and caring Dean, wounded but still prideful Cas, and some lovely wing!kink/wing!care that pushes all of my button just right.

Anyway, that’s it for now as I think this is long enough. If you enjoy my recs, could you let me know? I try to not just list titles but give some commentary...as it helps me re-find stories I enjoyed the most, too!

[author-lady-whistledown]

Not going to lie, I absolutely love the portrayal of relationships and marriage in bridgerton. The diversity in the types of families and marriages.

The women granted freedom and enjoyment by living in different towns from their husbands. Perfectly happy to not associate with them because they live in a society that affords them no other freedoms.

Daphne and Simon, who love each other deeply, however their relationship doesn’t stay in that honeymoon phase forever. How half truths can damage trust between husband and wife, how easy a divide can be formed in a marriage and how that divide can only widen without genuine conversation. The importance of communication. The trauma that one’s childhood can cause on adulthood and one’s abilities to form genuine and trusting relationships as an adult.

Lady Bridgerton, who loved and missed her husband every day, who loved him dearly, but acknowledged that their marriage wasn’t perfect, that it took work. That her and her husband had to make the commitment to love each other each and every day, that they didn’t stay in that honeymoon phase forever. And how honest and loving she was towards her children, towards daphne who she wanted to have that same sort of relationship she’d had with her husband. She wanted daphne to marry for love, to marry her best friend, but also knew that even that wouldn’t make for and effortless marriage. Because long term relationships take work.

Lady Featherington, who comes across so materialistic and shallow at the beginning. Who is so harsh on Ms. Thompson for her pregnancy. Who as the show progresses, we see that she loves her daughters and wants the best for them. That she wants them to marry and have that stability, even if the marriage isn’t based on love. How her daughters don’t get many offers. And how she’s in a loveless marriage with a man who gambles their money away, who leaves them penniless, their daughters without dowries or money for dresses and, by the end of the show gambles their very home out from under their feet and ends up dead. And when Maria asks lady featherington how she survived 22 years of a loveless marriage she said “you find things to love, your children most of all”. Because despite all that went wrong in her marriage she did love her daughters and that was what got her through that marriage.

Maria who fell pregnant by a man who she loved. Who went off to war before they were married and she was sent off. How she thought he’d abandoned her and their child, only to learn that he had done no such thing, that he had always loved her and that he wanted for them to run off together and be married, raising their child together, but how he died in war and how she didn’t know for weeks and thought that he had abandoned them.

Maria, who entered a loveless marriage out of duty with the brother of her lover out of his duty to provide for the woman his brother loved and their child.

Maria, who lied and manipulated to get Colin bridgerton to marry her because he was a good man who’d be kind to her who even if she didn’t love romantically she trusted. And how that trust was betrayed when her pregnancy came out. And how he stated that, if she’d just been honest with him he would have married her on the spot.

Even Penelope who adored Colin. Who was so hurt and betrayed when he proposed to Maria because she’d loved him for years. And even when the marriage failed before it had started he didn’t return her feelings. How she loved him and he saw her as a sister and a friend, but nothing more. And the absolute heartbreak she felt, sobbing in her friends arms.

And Eloise who didn’t want to marry. Who wanted to be educated and read books and have control over her own life, who didn’t want her life to be determined by her status or her husband. Who wanted to make her own way in the world.

[rosierocks30]

Hidden: Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Heartbreak, Glory, and Unholy

(Mikasa’s Pov)

The streets became a war zone. How ironic? The raven haired assassin uses her ODM gear to fly through buildings. She noticed a familiar face at a pile of rumbles. Gabi Braun was removing the destroyed house. Mikasa landed on the ground to check on her. 

“Gabi? Are you ok? What happened?” her tone was worried for the young girl. 

“Mikasa? Mikasa, you’re here. I’m glad you are here. I need your help. The bomb destroyed this neighborhood and my parents and auntie are under the pile. Please help me to get them out.”  Gabi ran to her and hugged her tightly. The young girl was in tears. 

“I’m glad that you’re not hurt.” Mikasa hugged back to comfort her. “Of course, I’ll help you. We’ll get them out.” 

Gabi gave a faint smile and let go of Mikasa while resuming digging on the pile. Ackerman goes to lift up the heavy ones. Soon, they saw three bodies. Gabi’s parents and Reiner’s mother. 

“Mom and dad! Wake up!” The brunette cried out. They didn’t respond. Gabi checked their pulses, but as she feared none of their pulses was detected. 

“N-no my parents they can’t be dead?” the girl sobbed from realizing her loss. 

“I’m so sorry, Gabi….you shouldn’t feel the loss of your parents.” This breaks her heart. Just seeing Gabi grieving, it hits her home. Then both girls saw a small movement. They glanced to see Ms. Braun groaned in pain. “G-gabi? My niece, shouldn’t you be with your comrades?” Ms. Braun coughs from struggling to breathe. Her blood spat out from the coughs. 

Reiner’s mother feels her legs crushed. Her lungs had collapsed from the big chunks crushing her chest. The older woman barely hangs on to her life. She knows deep down she only has a few minutes left before Death takes her away. 

“Yes, yes I’m here auntie. I have my friend, Mikasa. She will help you and we’ll go to Reiner.” The little girl held her aunt's hand carefully. 

“Mikasa? Mikasa Ackerman? Girl, come here so I can take a good look at you.” Her voice was wheezing. Mikasa obeys the dying woman.

“It’s nice to officially meet you Ms. Braun. I wish we had met in a better circumstance.” Mikasa stared at the older woman.

“You are a beauty. My son must be lucky. Tell him I love him. I don’t think I would make it soon.” She coughed again. 

“No, don’t say that. We’ll get you out of here and find a hospital to treat you. You can leave Reiner alone along Gabi. They need you.” Mikasa trying to encourage her things will be ok. 

“You silly girl. I have not much time left so let the dying woman say her final words.” Ms. Braun chuckled weakly. 

Gabi’s tears shed more from hearing what her aunt had said. Mikasa was struggling not to shout and convince her that she needed to be strong. This feels familiar when Carla Jaeger was crushed under her home until a titan saw her and ate her. Now. Mikasa cried because what will she tell Reiner? That his mother died and she couldn’t do anything about it to save her? Oh god, she wants to shed blood on the ones responsible. How many people’s lives need to lose in order to win a war and have peace? Could for once the world be beautiful enough to enjoy it? 

“Auntie! Don’t leave me...and Reiner….I can’t be alone. Soon all of you will leave me.” Gabi screamed in agony at the thought of losing all her family members. As a warrior trainee, she will be under responsibility of the military. 

“My sweet warrior please listen to me. We’ll be in your heart to protect and guide you, just remember that. I love you so much and your parents love you very much. We are all so proud of you for your accomplishments.” She said. 

Mikasa listens to the conversation between aunt and niece. Then Ms. Braun began to speak to her. 

“Mikasa, promise me you will make my son happy...his feelings for you are deep. If you have no feelings for him, give him a chance. He is a good man and honorable.” She pleaded. 

“I already...we confessed how we feel about each other. I promise to be there with him until his time..” The Asian woman made her promise. 

“I’m grateful to hear that. I may not get the chance to see my future grandchild, but please give my son a child. This is my dying wish and take Gabi under your care. She deserves to have a better childhood. Promise me, Mikasa.” Ms. Braun gasped for air until she drew her last breath and passed away. 

“I-I p-promise, Ms. Braun.” Mikasa’s tears fell and closed the older woman's eyes. Gabi cried on Mikasa’s chest while the raven haired woman held her tightly as both cried. 

After they calmed down, both females got up to start heading to find Reiner or Armin and Annie who had arrived at night time from the other side of the world. 

“Let’s go find a cousin or my friends.” Mikasa grabbed a gun for Gabi to use it. “You know how to shoot right?” She asked. 

“Gabi nodded. “Yeah, we learned from our training.” The little girl grabbed it and held it like a true soldier. 

“Alright, use it when necessary. I don’t have a lot of bullets, but we’ll find one on the way.” Mikasa watched the girl then both begin to walk away from the grim scene. They need to survive this hell. Mikasa will protect Gabi with her life. That’s a promise. 

(Eve) 

Since the day at the festival, both Eve and Eren had a hard time keeping their hands to themselves. Everything felt like those romantic traveling movies. She felt like in a fairytale. Eren was perfect in her eyes. All they did was walk around the town and have those crazy love makings. Everything was great until rumors of an attack at the capitol. People prayed for the safety of their loved ones who lived there and the queen.

Both couples were laying on the bed thinking their own thoughts. “I think I have to leave.” This made Eve glance at him. 

“Wait what? Leave where?” Eve frowned. 

“Into hiding before these new enemies come find me.” Eren already begins to get up and gather his clothes.

“Why would they want to find you? Eren what did you do?” The brunette woman sat up. 

“That’s confidential.” He said. 

“So that’s it then. You’re going to leave and pretend this didn’t happen?” Her grey eyes began to get watery. 

Eren had his back facing her. “Yes, it's just fun while it lasts, but I need to focus on my purpose.” 

Just hearing his words, breaks her heart. How could he be so cruel? All those sweet words and promises were nothing but lies. It may be short but it felt like their relationship was longer than it seems. 

“Please Eren...don’t leave. Whatever your purpose is, we can do it together. I need you...I want you.” She got up to go in front of him to stop him. 

“Eve, don’t make me do this the hard way.” To be honest, this is killing Eren also. He wants to protect her from what is coming soon. Those few weeks since their first meet, slowly they were falling for each other.  

“Take me with you, please. I can’t be without you. I know it’s so soon but I’m in love with you.” Her tears kept falling. She gripped on his shirt. 

“I know you feel what I am feeling too. You love me as much I love you. Don’t break my heart please, my love.” Her lips already started to leave kisses on his neck and lips to show him how much he means to her. 

Why is she making this difficult? If he takes her with him, she could get killed. He prefers to have her alive and safe. Of course, what he was doing is hurting him too. 

Damn it, she is going to hate him. 

“Eve stop this now.” He grabbed her wrists to have her away from him. “At least have dignity.” His tone became cold. 

“Why? Baby, don’t do this to me.” Her tears fell hard. 

“Forget what we had. There was never us. I was just a lonely man who wanted comfort on my bed.” Her heart dropped from what he said. All long he was using her to satisfy himself? 

“You jerk! How can you do this to me? I opened up my heart for you and you just take it? So you have never loved me like you claimed? How dare you play my heart you asshole?” She began to yell at him. This pain is too much. She was a fool. Eve had fallen into the same trap as her previous relationships. She thought he was different, but clearly was too dumb to see the signs. 

“Don’t take this too personal, Dollface. I am a man with needs and your body fulfills that. You should consider using your talented skill into a professional business. I hear whores make a lot of money if they are exotic and talented.” He smirked to make this act work. 

Eve gave a glare that’s so familiar to him. The only ones who pulled it off are Mikasa and Levi Ackermans. Before he was about to say more, his cheek was stinging from the slap she gave him. 

“I hate you. I hate you so much; yet I still love you, you bastard!��� The heartbreak was too much for her. She falls on her knees from her body trembling with so much emotions. 

Eren glanced down at the woman he loves dearly. He can’t believe this was the only way to keep her safe and away from him. What he was about to do is placing his palm on her forehead. Since She has Eldian blood in her veins. He can erase her memories of him and their heavenly time together. It’s for the best. Maybe one day he’ll have her back. 

Eve tried to remove his hand away from her, but she felt a static on her body as Eren erased her memories of him for good. After the deed was done, he walked away leaving her with a blink look. 

“I’m sorry...I love you, Eve.” He whispered low enough for him to hear as he exited the room. 

When Eren left her alone in the room, Eve stared at the door where he exited. What he did know, Eve still has her memories of him. After all Ackermans are immune from the power of the Founding titan. Her true identity was not Eve. Well, it’s her middle name. Her true name is Natasha Eve Ackerman and her grandparents are Historia Reiss and Levi Ackerman. Yeah, Eve came to the past...accidentally. The most reckless thing she ever did was fall in love with the Earth devil aka Eren Jaeger. 

(Historia) 

The young queen was on a loveseat while the maids did her hair. She was already bathe, dressed in her white wedding dress, and had done her makeup but lightly. 

“Your majesty, you look so beautiful. Your king will be pleased.” One of the maids said. 

No no can they just shut up. He is not her king. He will never be her king. That belongs to Levi. He is her king, the king of her heart. The one thing she was grateful for was that her son had escaped safely. At least, she can focus on trying to escape or kill him. Oh Walls, she misses her sweet little boy. Barely a few hours born and already the queen is separated from her baby. She misses Levi so much. Soon, she will reunite with her boys to be as a family they are meant to be. 

“All ready, my queen.” Another maid said with happiness while another one grabbed a mirror to show how she looked in the reflection.

Historia glanced at the reflection, but felt unamazed. She hated it. This was not her dream wedding. 

“I see.” Her tone was mono and uninterested. 

Before one of the maids said something, a knock on the doors appeared. One of them opens the doors. “Is the bride ready? His Majesty is waiting at the altar along with our guests.” The messenger said. 

“She is ready now.” The door opened wider for the man to enter. 

“Your majesty, it’s a pleasure meeting you in person. You are a beauty that rivals Our three goddesses. I’ll be your escort to the citadel. Our King is awaiting his queen.”  He smiled from meeting the Queen Historia. 

Historia gets up. “Let’s get this over with.” She walked to exit the room which the man quickly followed her behind. 

When exited the palace, another machine cart or what these invaders called a car was parked in the pathway of the palace ground. It’s similar to the other car that kidnapped her from the Orphanage property. 

The gloomy bride hesitated to enter the vehicle as the backseat door was opened for her. For a woman that just gave birth, she was holding herself together. Even with makeup it doesn’t conceal her pale face. Historia felt scared, but her escort gently pushed her in. 

“Your majesty, we must go quickly. It’s improper to make the guests wait for the bride taking too long.” he said. 

Historia felt tears fall from her eyes as she slid into the car. The man gets in after her and closes the door. The car begins to drive to downtown plaza of the city of Mitras.

As she stared at the window from the car, the view was like a nightmare. Fallen soldiers laying on the ground dying. The streets were covered in blood. Some civilians were in distress from the scene. Smokes coming out of a few buildings. The queen began to breathe in and out panicky. Why? Just why, must there be good men and women dying in vain? This is not the reign she wants to be a part of. A true ruler will put their people first instead of their personal agenda. 

“Why...why is he so cruel? This nation is already worrying about another war but with Marley. My people shouldn’t be suffering. Nobody shouldn’t.” She looked down. The blonde haired woman couldn’t look at the scene. 

“I agree, but we must preserve our strength so you can rise up and bring peace again.” The man said. He tries to comfort the crying woman. 

“You’re not one of Evans’ loyalists? Or Templars?” Her blue eyes glanced at him. 

“No, I’m an assassin that’s undercover. I’m on this mission when Mentor Miles and the rest of the brotherhoods arrived on this island many months ago. He assigned me to join the templar as a spy. Don’t worry Queen Historia, I informed the Mentor that you're alive and well.” The assassin said. 

Her eyes widened with hope. “Tell me...is my son safe? Did Commander Hange have my son in custody?” 

“The prince is safe, my queen. I received a message from the mentor before they departed to their hideout.” He reassured her. 

A sigh of relief came from her. Her little angel is with the people she trusts. She wonders if Levi knew their son was born. Has he met him? 

“What about Levi? Has he met his son yet?” She said. 

“No, the captain left around 3 am to get to you in the morning.” He sighed and shook his head. Historia nodded and felt sad. He probably doesn’t know what’s going on yet? Or maybe he does and is on a rampage. 

The car finally stopped. She looked at the window to see the entrance of the citadel where the wedding ceremony will take place. 

“I don’t want to go..” Historia whispered. 

“I’m sorry your majesty...I don’t want you to go in there too, but keep up the appearance as an obedient queen until we strike. I promise you it will be long.” He encouraged her which she sighed in understanding. She has to do this. For her son, for former comrades, for her friends, for the people of Paradis and for her husband, Levi. 

“What’s your name if I may ask?” Historia waits for someone to open the door since it;s protocol and also she doesn’t know how to open this metal fancy cart. 

“My name is Reignald Garcia, your Majesty, but Reggie it’s what most called me.” he said.

“Thank you, Reggie for reassuring me. I need that. I don’t know who to trust at the moment.” Historia glanced at the assassin. 

“No problem your majesty. I wish you luck.” He gave her a smile. 

Historia nods and the door is open for her. She grabs another escort’s hand to get out of the car. Few armies guard her as they lead her to the main double doors. Finally the doors open and she takes one last breath. The queen steps into the citadel to wait for her doom. 

As she enters, all eyes are on her. The citadel is full of people. Carefully she notices very familiar noble families. She doesn’t know whether they betray her or they were forced. Historia stare at each one of the nobles and priests because once she holds her power as queen, they will answer their loyalty towards her. If any signs showed their betrayal to her and the government and people, all hell will lose. 

The music church sound began and everyone stood up. The bride slowly walked down the aisle. This time she held her chin up. She will play her part then when the time is right, she will strike and bring them down. 

(Levi)

Levi reached the city of Mitras. He noticed the streets were being cleaned up from an attack. There were guards that were not from either military regiment. His instincts were telling him to stay hidden. The captain avoided the guards passing by to patrol. He got to the headquarters to notice, no one was there. It was empty. Thank god, he knows where to go if something like this happens. Quickly, Levi led his horse back out of the city to find the hideout. 

The area was surrounded by trees as he galloped through the forest. It took Levi twenty minutes to reach his destination. In his view, a cabin appeared. The raven haired man could see people there. Most were the assassins but he saw Four- Eyes there with a tiny human that she’s carrying. Why did they bring a baby with them? What are they babysitters?

He was finally at the cabin. The short man got off his horse and had the horse being tied where food and water are already displayed for the horses. Commander Hange glanced to see Levi here. 

“Levi! I’m glad you’re here. A lot has happened in 24 hours.” She was interrupted. 

“Hange, I know shitty things have happened in the capital, but I just got back from the Orphanage. Those bastards burnt down the property. Luckily, most of the children had escaped and hid, but they killed off the adults. H-historia was taken and...I need to find her. She’s in danger. The baby….I can’t fucking lose them. I swear I will kill them all.” He felt his anger arise again. Then the crying of the baby stopped him talking. 

“I understand your pain, Levi but we have someone undercover keeping an eye on the queen. Please try to calm down, your kid can sense your anger.” Hange looked at the baby who was still crying. 

“Shitty Glasses, what are you talking about? My kid hasn’t been born yet. Historia is still pregnant.” The captain was confused. He stared at the baby. 

“Well, she gave birth in Lord Evans’ estates. One of the girls who works for the midwife sneaks your son out because he’s in more danger. So Levi, meet your boy, Atticus Ackerman. Isn’t he a cutie? He looks like you only with Historia’s blue eyes.” She showed the baby to Levi. 

He glanced at the baby to notice those familiar blue eyes. They are definitely Historia’s. He can’t believe it; his child is here. His heart gave a squeezed feeling for missing the birth of his son. Wow, he has a son. Now Levi doesn’t know what to do.

“Atticus? I-I don’t know where to start.” He said. 

“It’s ok, you can start by carrying him. I think he senses you’re his papa.” Hange carefully placed Atticus on Levi’s arms while the baby stopped crying. 

“See he wants his daddy.” She grins while watching Levi cradling his newborn son. 

Levi was lost in admiring his child. He and Historia had created this innocent angel. He will do what it takes to protect his son. As a new father, Levi is scared of screwing his kid’s life. Atticus starts to smile and let out a cute giggle. Hange felt her heartbeat with joy. This is one of the rare moments seeing Levi smiling. She is happy for her friend as another good thing was given to him. 

“Atticus, my son...I’m sorry you were born in this shitty moment but I will promise you. I give you the best life you deserve. You and your mother will have the best life I’ll give. I love you; be strong.” The captain has leaned closer to kiss his son’s tiny forehead.

“Zoe...do you know where my grandfather is? I need his help to send Atticus away from this island.” He looked up at his friend and commander. The commander rarely heard him calling her by her first name. 

“Yeah, he’s inside. Let’s go in and talk about sending Atticus to America.” She walked back into the cabin which Levi followed her while carrying his child. Levi doesn’t want to be separated from his child. He just met him. As the war just started, his boy is not safe here. He won’t risk his son’s life. 

William was busy on his laptop. He was in contact with Shaun on Zoom. 

“Everything is a mess here. It’s technically a war zone. We’re lucky enough to escape before we get amush.” The Mentor sigh. 

“Wow that sucks. I’m not surprised the Templars are capable of conquest. Do you plan to get more recruits? You don’t have enough men and women to fight.” Shaun said on the other side of the laptop. 

“I have three of the new members, Mikasa Ackerman, Armin Arlet and Annie Leonhart; to go to Marley and get recruits or allies.” Will said. 

“Huh? One of them has the same last name as your grandson, Levi.” Shaun said. 

“Yes, she’s a distant cousin of his. Marley is also being under attack too. The queen is the hostage of the Order. She just gave birth to my great grandson. Thank god there were some people who have a heart to help escape the boy. He’s now safe and sound with us.” Will hasn’t had time to process what had happened. He was glad Hange is more alert on surprise attacks. 

“Congrats on being a great grandfather now.” The blonde man chuckled from the screen. 

“Thank you. I hope Levi arrives soon.” Just when he mentions his grandson’s name, Levi and Hange enter the dining room. 

“Oh neverminded he’s here.” The older man smiled seeing Hange and Levi especially holding Atticus in his arms. 

“Grandfather, I need that favor I told you about if it comes to this.” Levi said vaguely. 

“Oh that favor. Of course, we can get a plane here to have Atticus escape. We’ll need someone who can be trusted to take care of the baby.” Will remember what Levi meant. 

“As long it will get him out of danger.” The captain stared at his son who’s making cooing sounds. 

“Excuse me, Levi. Hi, I’m Shaun Hastings. One of the best tactical guidance in the Brotherhood. It’s a pleasure meeting you, Levi Ackerman. I can help out to make a safe trip for your kid.” Levi heard the laptop talking and raised his brow at his grandfather in confusion. 

“It’s one of my fellow members of the brotherhood from America that I’m speaking to on my laptop.” William explained which Hange’s sparkled with intrigue.

“Wait, you can communicate far away with this laptop thing?” She goes behind Will to see a man on the screen. 

“Can you? I don’t want anything bad to happen to him. I’m putting him under your responsibility. Got it?” Levi was now on the other side next to Will while talking to Shaun. 

Shaun was annoyed the way Levi acts towards him. Obviously, Levi doesn’t care. He’s itchy for using his blades on the templars, Lord PrettyBoy, and Zeke. Oh he has plans for both of them when he sees them. 

“Oh don’t mind Levi. He’s just overprotective since he’s a new father.” Hange said to Shaun. The British man nodded and let it go. 

“Will, just say the word and I’ll get a plane to you guys.” Shaun already begins to use his connections to find a good plane availability. 

“Get a plane and we’ll get someone taking care of Atticus.” William said. Levi and Hange were focused on the baby. 

Later as the hours got dark, few selected assassins joined Levi who had his son on his arm while riding the horse to the location where the plane landed at an open spot in the woods. 

When they get there, the new father hops off his horse. He looked at a figure besides him. 

“Blouse, you’re in charge protecting him. Can you do that? You will have all the necessary things in his diaper bag. The rest of the stuff is at the location. I’m leaving my son under your care. I’m counting on you. If anyone threatens him or you, shoot them.” He gave his orders to his subordinate. 

She gave her salute. “Sir, I won’t fail you.” 

He nodded and gave the diaper bag to her then his son who’s asleep. Before both Sasha and the baby depart, Levi kisses his forehead on last time. He steps away from them as Sasha gets into the plane while holding Atticus. The captain watched the plane leave and the area became silent. 

It’s for the best Host. Our offspring will be safe. Let’s focus on getting our mate back. I’m drenching for vengeance. 

“Tch. Let’s go.” Levi orders the rest of the crew to get back to their hideout. His eyes glowed silver. He kept hearing the mumbles Iapetus will do to Zeke and Prettyboy. 

(Reiner)

They made it into the base hospital where Pieck is now being treated for her gunshot wounds.  The rest of the small group were waiting outside. 

“Thank god, we made it in time to save Pieck.” Porco sighs in relief. 

Reiner agrees with Porco. He doesn’t want to lose another comrade. He didn’t imagine this war will be against their favor and it’s not just them being invaded, Paradis and other neighboring nations are being invaded by these hungry conquerors. The Marleyans hadn’t felt this helpless since the Eldian Empire. This time it’s not their descendants it’s these unknown groups called themselves the Order of Templars.

At least, they know the identity of their invaders. If Reiner can find any surviving higher officials, maybe they will consider to ally the Paradis and these other groups called the Brotherhood of Assassins. They know more about the templars. What Armin and Annie told them was both factions were hidden from the world. It’s difficult to find information about these two societies. They are considered ancient since the dawn of humanity. Not everything that they knew of their history was true. The Marleyan Warriors had a hard time grasping these new facts. All their lives, they were taught the history of their ancestor’s sins and how they need to atone from the past mistakes. 

“We need to find a higher up at least in these bases.” Reiner said. 

A Marleyan soldier ran towards the group. The man was in his prime 20s. He glanced at Armin and gasped. “Deputy Chief Braun, we were looking for you. Lieutenant Romos has summoned you. By the way, why is the Paradisan devil here?” He glared at Armin which Annie was ready to act in order to protect her lover. Yes, Armin is capable of protecting himself, but she will not risk it.   

“He’s here because he along with another Paradisan have valuable information to deal with our new enemies.” He glared at the Marleyan soldier. “As of now he and Mikasa Ackerman are under my protection as Deputy Chief of the Marley’s Warriors.” 

“I see very well, I’ll let my superior make his judgement. Come, he doesn’t have patience at the moment, and you can bring the rest of the group with you.” He turned around to head back.   

Reiner and the rest of the gang started heading in that direction. Once they reached where Lt. Romos is located. The man was in his 40s with heavy dark under eyes. His wrinkles were visible from the stress and weather made him aged too fast. Lt. Romos was busy looking at a map while being surrounded by the remaining of the troops besides the ones fighting at the frontline protecting their base. 

The Marleyan soldier saluted his officer which Lt. Romos turned around to stare at the soldier. Not that far, he saw Reiner, Porco, Annie, and Armin entering the strategy room. “Ah Deputy Chief Braun, I’m glad you’re alive. I’m sure you understand what’s going on. We don’t know this foreign invaders, but they were hiding under us for a long time to ready to strike. We found out our leaders who were assigned at the shoreline base are dead. It’s just you and I.” Lt. Romos grabbed a paper to hand to Reiner. “Here before Commander Hugos died, he left this last order towards you. I suggest reading out loud for the troops to hear the Commander’s final wish.” 

Reiner nodded and took the paper and read what it said. He was shocked at what his late commander’s order was. 

Dear Deputy Chief Reiner Braun, 

The council and I have hereby to grant you honorary citizenship as a Marleyan. You and your family will be treated as citizens with military benefits. For your loyalty and service to this great nation, Marley. As now you’re an honorary citizen; I, Commander Hugos of the Marley army of all regiments  anoint you as my successor if I died in action or incapable of acting as commander. For any soldiers speaks out or disobeys your commands; they will be labelled as traitors and be held in trials under a suitable sentence as decided by you and the councils. I wish you farewell, soldier. You and our fellow comrades bring pride in our nation. 

Sincerely, 

Robert Hugos, Commander of the Marleyan Army.   

Silence took over. Reiner doesn’t know what to say or do. He actually did it. He and his family are safe. They are granted as citizens. What’s shocking he’s now the commander of the whole nation of Marley’s armies. 

“I- I don’t know what to say…” The blonde Eldian was processing what he just read. 

The soldiers mumbled at what was written. Lt. Romos now salutes the new Commander. “I’m at your service sir. My platoon is under your commander. What’s your first order.” He gave a smirk at Reiner. Around Reiner and Romos, the rest of the troopers salute. “We are also at your service, Commander sir!” They shout with pride. 

Reiner nodded in acknowledgement for their fealty towards him as their new commander. “My fellow soldiers, I’m honored to be your commander. I will lead you into victory to drive these invaders out of our great motherland. I promise you, if you die in battle your families will be set for life for the loyalty and dedication to this country. Things will change especially in a time like this. We all have a common enemy. Today we are one army, not as Marleyan-Marleyans, Eldians or half-Marleyans. Today we are the Marleyans. Protectors of our nation, our families, and our beliefs. Are you with me, soldiers?” Reiner raised his fist up. Everyone raised their fists along. 

“Yes, sir. For Marley!” They chanted. 

“The first thing we need to do is Lt. Romos, to step closer.” The lieutenant did as he was told but was confused where this was leading. 

“As today, I’m promoting you to General since you’re the last high up officer of our military. I know it’s not much, but after the war you along several promoting officers will get a ceremony that you deserve. Congratulations, General.” Reiner needed a new general for now. Since then their numbers have shrunk. This will do unless they recruit more. This army will break barriers of Eldians and Marleyans. Maybe this big step will help take the first step in diminishing segregation between Eldians and Marleyans.  

“Thank you sir. I will bring honor to our military and nation.” Gen. Romos salutes in respect. 

“I need two soldiers with good penmanship's and use our telecommunication.” Commander Braun stared at the troops. Two hands raise to get his attention. 

“Sir, I know how to use telecommunication and penmanship. The soldier said. 

Sir, I can help him out.” The other one speaks out. 

“Alright, both of you go to the communication room and send messages to any surviving troopers from all over Marley and outside. Give them an update. One of you has to go to the frontlines to pass on the message that I will personally give you. The rest of you troopers are on guard and protect our base. You’re all dismiss except Gen. Romos and Porco and Annie, Armin.” Once he gave his order, the troopers left and the room was quiet with all five  of them.

“Porco, since I’m the commander; I’m naming you my successor as Deputy Chief of the Marley’s Warriors unit. Congrats, you have earned it.” He gave a smile. Porco was flushed at the promotion he was given. “Thanks Rein- I mean Commander sir.” 

Reiner nodded. “Ok now that settles. General, I need you to pick some of your best soldiers, maybe like 3 or 4 to find Mikasa Ackerman and my cousin, Gabi Braun.”  General Romos salutes his commander and heads out. 

Reiner sighs. He hopes this war will be the last. At what cause they keep this old centuries feud and fear between Marley and Paradis? No one is safe at the price of war, especially fuel by hatred and fear. Like what Mikasa said, all this started because of Templars and their ambition of ruling the world. This time they will stand their ground for a new beginning of peace for their children and their children’s children to have a future. 

(Nathaniel) 

The Usurper awaits for his bride as she walks down the aisle. She may be beautiful, but her face is pale and her eyes look dull. The death of her brat had hit a milestone. Nathaniel is pleased the newborn had died with mother nature being involved. That beast she is so in love with will know he has nothing. His child is dead, Historia is his. The “king” will find the Ackermans and send their heads to his bride as a late wedding gift from. He will grin with joy when she sees it and scream from losing her precious Ackermans. 

The cruel man notices Historia finally stands beside him at the altar. The high priest began to perform the ceremony. Nathaniel takes her hand, but she quickly rejects it by moving it away. The nobleman rolled his eyes. How childish of her? ‘

“You acting like this will not stop the wedding, sweetheart.” His tone gives off a sweet but threatening. “So behave like a good bride. This is your happiest day.” Historia glared with hatred towards him. 

So he forcedly grabbed her hand. Historia this time didn’t struggle and continued listening to the high priest. 

As minutes turned to hours, both bride and groom were lost in their own thoughts. After all, the high priest’s monotone can put anyone to sleep. Finally the good part begins.

“Do you Lord Nathaniel of House Evans take Queen Historia of House Reiss as your lawful wedded wife to cherish her, comfort her, and love her through sickness and health. Through good and bad?” The high priest said. 

“I do.” He grabs the ring and holds roughly Historia’s hand while sliding the ring on her finger. Nathan glimpses at her as tears fall from her eyes. 

“Do you Queen Historia of House Reiss take Lord Nathaniel of House Evans as your lawful wedded husband to cherish him, comfort him, and love him through sickness and health, through good and bad?” Nathaniel can read her face. She wants to say no. Of course, she doesn’t have a choice. 

“I-I...I...d-do.” He hears her choke up from those two words. Her hand trembles when she slides the ring into his finger. 

Once the rings were exchanged, the high priest said his last phrases to seal their marriage.  

“With the power invested in me and the blessing of Ymir, Sina, Rose, and Maria; I pronounce you husband and wife. My lord, you may kiss your bride.” 

Nathaniel glances at his new wife then leans to give a kiss. Honestly, he can’t stand the though of kissing her or anything like sex. In order to have heirs, he’ll have to get over with. Maybe getting drunk will help to get it over that part later. 

“As the law of our kingdom, Queen Historia will be stripped of her title. Lord Evans with your marriage with her majesty. I crown you as the new reigning king and his wife, queen consort. All hail King Nathaniel of House of Evans and Queen Consort Historia of House Evans. Long live the new dynasty. May the three goddesses and Ancestress Ymir bless you children and longing reign.” The high priest placed the crowns on him first then on Historia. The crowd cheers and chants. 

After the ceremony, there was a feast in the halls of the palace. The newly wedded couples were seated on the high table where everyone could see them. Nathaniel was sipping wine and chatting with other nobles and templars. His eyes glimpsed at the crowds. Some were eating and chatting while others danced. He spotted his lover dancing with someone. The new king felt a small jealousy. He may be the king but their society won’t allow two men or women to have a relationship. He already finds it bullshit of their church practices. That’s why he needed Historia. One to be the decoy and two to give birth to his heirs. Nathaniel couldn’t stop staring at Gilbert. He’s such a beautiful man. How he craves to have him here beside him and not this whore. The light brown man glances at his queen who was gloomy since their marriage ceremony. 

Historia notices him staring at her and scoff. “Is there something on my face, my king?” Nathaniel blink as he swore she sounded like Levi Ackerman. 

“Yes, with makeup you look like one of those whores from the Underground City. I’ll tell your new ladies-in-waiting of not to put any on you.” He said. Historia rolls her eyes and looks away to stare at the dance scene. 

“I’m exhausted. I want to sleep.” Historia said. 

“Darling, could you wait for a bit longer? The guests came all over of the Three Walls to see us on our special day.” He grins then gulp his drink.

“No.” She said with a flat tone. 

“Oh well, you will wait until I get tired.” he said without a care. 

She mumbles incoherently while sipping a bit of wine.  

One of the higher ranking templar members began to speak. “Your majesties, may your marriage be blessed with abundance and fertility. And your reign brings prosperity. Cheers to the King and his Queen.” 

Everyone repeated. “Cheers to the King and his Queen.” The crowd toasted to the rulers and drank their wines. 

“Thank my friends and loyal subjects. As part of tradition, the queen and I will have our first dance as man and wife, king and queen. My darling queen, may I have this dance?” Nathaniel smiles while playing his sweet act around everyone towards Historia. She was contemplating as her eyes stared down at his hand. Finally, she gave in to take his hand to be led to the dancefloor. 

The music starts and he places his hand on her waist while holding her other hand. They waltz around the dancefloor going along the music. The guests surrounded themselves around the dance floor to watch the king and queen dancing. 

Nathaniel observes how Historia gave a blank expression as she went along this dance. Her dancing skill is flawless and graceful. For a bastard raised in a farm, he would have thought she was raised as a princess. Once the music was over, they stopped while the crowd applauded from their dance. 

The crowned king had his eyes again on Gilbert, who now has an envious expression. Gilbert walked away from the scene. Nathan knows this is hurting him. He wants to go after him to hold and kiss him. He had explained to him this marriage with the whore was just for political movement to be officially king without having the chance of being removed easily. All he needs a male heir or two then he can discard her. After the consummation, he’ll go talk privately with his lover.  

Speaking of consummation, Nathaniel sighs and raises his hand up to silent the crowd. Little by little the place got quiet. 

“It is time for the queen and I to depart for our final step to be man and wife.” He grins. Of course, some whistles and cheer. 

“So it’s time for us to go, but don’t let us stop all of you to enjoy the wedding feast! Servants serve more food and wines for our wonderful guests!” He ordered the servants and the people to cheer happily. Nathaniel grabbed Historia's hand to drag her out of the festival hall. 

As they walked through hallways to reach the bedroom, the door opened but Historia was shouting to be let go. 

“Nooo let go! Please, I don’t want to do this. Don’t make me.” She was trying to pull her hand away. The guards closed the door. Now there are two of them in the dim light. Earlier the servants had the marriage bedroom prepared. 

“Can you just shut up for once?” the king lost his patience and slapped his wife. She fell on the floor while sobbing silently. Nathaniel doesn’t want to do this either but that’s the price to be king. 

“You need to get used to it. The faster I have my seeds in you, we’ll not have to share a bed ever. I don’t know why the Grandmaster templar wanted me to marry you? You are nothing. A weak girl; the bad seed of your father. The only foolish thing he did was to fuck your whore mother and let you exist.” He rants to himself but Historia can hear him. 

“W-why does the grandmaster want us to be married? He has no business in our nation’s matters.” She cried out angrily. 

“Of course, he does because if it wasn’t for him; I would not be king. Someone else would have governed our home. It should be the blood of King Fritz who should sit on the throne.” The king glared down at her. Historia grabbed on the pole of the bed to pull herself up. Her body was exhausted and still sore from childbirth. She’s lucky a fever or infection did appear then she would be knocking on Death’s doorsteps. 

Historia feels scared as she sees him finally making a move on her. He grabbed her to have him gripping her wrists then pulled her closer. “Don’t make me do this the hard way, Historia.” This is the first he called her by her name instead with insults. With her being surprised, he tries to take off her wedding gown but the layers were thick. Stupid women’s fashion. Why do they always make it difficult to take it off and put it on? King Nathaniel begins to rip her dress since it’s the last time she will one. 

His queen noticed her gown was ripped down in the middle from the back and felt the breeze of air caressing her bare back. The dress slipped down from her body to leave her completely exposed to him. She quickly covered her breasts and crossed her legs to cover her intimate part. Her tears resume falling. She’s now helpless and vulnerable for him to take advantage of. 

Nathan stepped away to go pour a full glass of wine to gulp down. He needed to get drunk first. He finished his glass and poured another round. He sipped his drink and glanced at his nude bride who's still crying like a hot mess. This is getting old. Crying will not make it stop. He thought while finishing his second round. He felt the wine kicking in. Just when he turned around to grab the bottle, he could hear the door opening to see Historia wrapped in her ripped dress and opening the door. The king placed the bottle down to run towards her and pull her back into the room. He closed then locked the door. Now his grip was on her golden hair being dragged to the bed. Already, had her dress dropped on the floor. Her screams were heard probably the whole floor of the palace. No one will come since it’s their wedding night. They must complete the consummation to validate their marriage. 

“Stupid bastard. You just never learn do you?” He grabbed the dress to rip a long piece of fabric. He tied her wrist a bit harsh. He pushes her to lay on the bed, her tied hands are palace in front of her. 

Historia was now struggling to be free. “I hate you. I hate you! I fucking hate you.” She screams at him. 

“The feeling is mutual.” He said coldly but drunk. His hands started to undress himself until he’s exposed too. 

Nathaniel climbs on the bed hovering over her. He positioned between her legs, gripping tightly her thighs so she wouldn't kick him. The king began to thrust himself into her which her body became stiff. Historia closed her eyes so she could pretend it’s Levi. Nathan keeps thrusting faster and hard to go deeper. He now moans and mumbles words. “Oh goddesses, what sorcery is this?” He said in whisper. His heart belongs to Gilbert. He was always attracted to him when they met, but Historia is a beautiful woman with a very desirable body and he would be a fool to not notice or take the advantage. Due in time, she will learn her place. He will just enjoy fucking her until her purpose has been served. It’s such a shame, Levi Ackerman is not here chained up to watch his whore getting fucked by another man. 

(Levi) 

His grey eyes open from having a nightmare of Historia screaming for his name to come rescue her. He sat up from a chair. Since he came back from seeing his son being taken to New York City in America, the captain decided to take a small nap to have his anxiety be calm. It’s like his instinct zapping him to go save her now. Screw waiting. Her life is in danger even Iapetus had been on edge growling to go save her. 

What you dreamt? It wasn’t a nightmare. It’s happening right now, human..

What the hell are you talking about?

You know deep down you're looking through her eyes. We need to get her out. They have harmed our goddess. That weakling had defiled our mate. We’ll give a slow and painful death.  

So...this wasn’t a dream? He actually had the nerve to touch her. That sick bastard! Historia just gave birth. Fuck it we’re going to get her out. 

Levi gets up to go put on his assassin outfit. He put his blades into their place then grabbed two guns for back ups. After he is ready, Levi gets out of the room. 

“Ah Levi, grandson. I’m glad you're up. We have news. Armin, Annie, and Mikasa had sent more back up for us and Marley.” William walked towards him. The older man notices his grandson is dressed to go on a mission. 

“Where are you going? Our back ups will be here by tomorrow evening.” He said. 

“I need to go.” He said vaguely to his grandfather. He doesn’t want to explain why he’s in a hurry. 

“Go where? We need you. If this is about trying to rescue Historia, you know I can't allow you.” The Mentor uses his authoritative tone. He dislikes using it on Levi. He can understand why his grandchild is agitated. 

Levi hiss at his grandfather angrily. “I’m not gonna wait until something bad happens to her! I made a promise to my son that he will have his mother in his life. I don’t want him to be growing up without a mother like I had. I am going and that’s final.” He opened the door and walked out leaving his grandfather with sadness as the old man feared something terrible would happen to his grandchild. He doesn’t want to go through losing another family member. 

A/N: Hello hello! So I’m sorry for writing more dark scenes. I promise you good things will come later. Warning: I don’t condone to rape or any kind of sexual violence or any kind of abuses. So in other words, enjoy this chapter and let me know what you guys think? I love hearing your thoughts of each chapter. See you until next time!

[bepoets]

Review for Trish’s Dream Fic

Trish ( @couragedontdesertme  ) said she’d write an epilogue of the elsarik dream Fic if I made a Formal Review of the elsarik dream fic. So here we are.

Please note review should be taken VERY LIGHTLY this is more or less me re-reading the Fic and loudly yelling about things with too many exclamation points. Enjoy Trish.

Ch1

First of all imagine my fucking surprise I didn’t even know you had gotten work done on the dream fic???? Here I was thinking the link you sent me was the next chapter of city of ice and then I click on it and it saYS DREAM FIC???? E X C U S E M E oh my goodness

The first section is just so entirely domestic and beautiful and you can tell how lived in and content they are in their life as roommates. ALARIK (listen my phone autocorrects ALARIK to be in all caps and I’m too lazy to fix it so y’all are gonna have to deal with reading ALARIK’s name as if I’m yelling it every time I type it) anyway ALARIK just bringing her the chocolate croissants she loves so dearly and Elsa curling up with a book and him fretting and worrying over her being there alone all day and later... it’s just SO DOMESTIC. it’s such a small short moment but it’s so domestic and a perfect opposite of the PAIN THAT HAPPENS AFTER!!! And we al know I LOVE READING PAIN

The fact that ALARIK was only home late because he was doing tutoring to earn more money to by Elsa A PRESENT????? Shut up no one speak to me that’s true love but also PAINFUL the guilt he must feel oh my god

Elsa...stops struggling... because she doesn’t want ,,,, ALARIK ,,,, to get hurt. Because she cares for his safety more than her own because he has protected her and he is her friend and she loves him I am going to SCREAM

The fact that you use the phrase ~marching her out of the warmth of the room~ when she just used her magic to like cover the walls in frost makes my Heart burst cause idk if it was intentional or not but I just love the thought that this room has become Home to her it’s become safe and beautiful and lovely and WARM because it is full of love and friendship and companionship rather than the cold loneliness of say her ice palace of her locked room as a child. I like to think Elsa could have covered the room entirely in ice and snow and frost and it would still feel warm to her because of the love that’s developed there thank you for coming to my tedtalk

Ugh fuck hans

I have literally no words other than fuck hans for any section with hans in it I DONT even want to RECOGNIZE THAT HE EXISTS !!! Making Elsa feel like she’s nothing I am going to punch him in the eye

~ALARIK weeps over smushed chocolate croissant. End scene~

I know that it’s such a heartbreaking sad ending for that first chapter but also I really can’t stop laughing about him crying over a stepped on croissant since I know that your like planning note for that last scene was literally just some variant of ALARIK cried over a smushed croissant and that’s just such a funny IMAGE TO ME EVEN THOUGH ITS SAD

I just like to imagine ALARIK cradling the chocolate croissant in his arms like a bébé as he sobs

Ch2

I’m fucking S A D

ALARIK having like NO MONEY and just thinking about that the money he has was going to go to a gift for Elsa and the guard LAUGHING AT HIM LIKE THATS IT THATS ALL YOU HAVE?? Like shut UP HES TRYING TO SAVE HIS BELOVED

P e t t y c h a n g e HE IS TRYING MR GUARD I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW HE WORKED EXTRA TO GET THAT MONEY

ALARIK is so fucking DEVOTED I’m going to run through a goddamn wall I cannot cope. Willing to sell the clothes off his back have you ever seen an idiot more iN LOVE

ALARIK just going willingly cause he has no fight left in him and he just wants to see Elsa even if it means he gets imprisoned too oh my GOD

THE SCENE ITS THE SCENE!!!!!!!!!

STRAIGHT FROM TRISH’S SUBCONSCIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT STARTED IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!

ALARIK wanting to hold her hands when her hands are what are chained up and seen as dangerous and what ~make her a witch~ the absolute love and power that holds.

LET ALARIK AND ELSA HOLD HANDS

“I promised to keep you safe” the pain I feel oh mY GOD

“They’ll KILL you” they’re really out here trying to protect each other at all costs oh my god nothing matters more to the other than keeping the other safe and for that I want to cry and love them and also I want to ram their heads into the wall because wHY WONT THEY JUST PROTECT ESCH OTHER TOGETHER

The PARALLEL OH MY FUCKING GOD

the P A R A L L E L of ALARIK stilling and no longer struggling when the guards threaten Elsa’s death in the same way that Elsa stilled and stopped struggling when they threatened ALARIK’s death oh my god that broke me right there

U g h hans fuck that guy

A N N A !!!!!!!!

When I first read this,,, I DONT know why??? But for some reason??? I didn’t think Anna would be in it???? Which like thinking back on that it makes no sense of COURSE Anna would be in the FIC why would I ever think otherwise. But anyway I was so surprised when she showed up I literally gasped and went ANNA??? Out loud because I was so shocked

ALFAFA GERANIUM

ALARIK really is just so bad under pressure who thought this was a good idea

AG FOR SHORT wink wink nudge nudge cough cough

I’ll be thinking about ALARIK shouting alfafa geranium on my death bed let us never forget

“No harm, no foul” is literally the most fucking Anna line I’ve ever heard. She absolutely would say that to someone who was being question for a crime she’d be like “it’s not biggy”

Why is it that when hans says “BUT ANNA!!!” I hear it like he’s wining like a petulant child I read it like “bUT annNNAAAAA” ugh I hate him

“Don’t scream” *ALARIK’s inner monologue* “this ,, is the story of how I died”

ILL HELP YOU HELP HER ESCAPE!!!!! HELL YEA YOU WILL ANNA HELL YEA YOU WILL

Ch3

My dumbass really went “why are none of the children named neta” before remembering that is the child of Anna and Kristoff and these...are the children of Anna ,,, and .... ugh please don’t make me say his name

I would die for these kids though I love them and I want to protect them at all costs 

Johannes at 5 (and a half!!!!) being a fine soldier GOOD FOR HIM

Isak owns my entire heart from the moment he started fake crying for his mother what a star performer a true Actor he’s too good

Arendellian Royal Guards, are they guards? Or are they simply baby sitters? The world may never know

JOAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! One of the babies being named JOAN!!! Hang in there Joan!!!!!!!!! That made me cry oh my god J O A N

Bébé Isak lookout supreme with his big eyeballs and smile and goofy lil salute I love him

The fact that Elsa says she felt stupid for being lured into a false sense of security means she felt secure and safe for literally the first time since she was a child when she was with ALARIK and I cannot properly articulate how much that made me cry I love that so much that has to mean sO MUCH TO HER oh my god

“You have to get out!! Do the magic!!” NO ONE SPEAK TO ME ABOUT ANYTHING EXCEPT THIS LINE FOR THE NEXT SEVERAL MONTHS I LITERALLY WEPT

the use of DO THE MAGIC oh my god AND ELSAS HEART LIKE BREAKING BECAUSE SHE FEELS LIKE SHE CANT

DO ! THE ! MAGIC !

Brave little boy with his mother’s determination saying “be brave. That’s what mama said to tell you” oh my GOD THESE CHILDREN HAVE MY WHOLE HEART OH MY GOD

A rooster crow for the signal COUKD they be more obvious I love these kids they’re ridiculous they are truly the children of Anna

Elsa!!! Chose!! To be!!! Brave!!!

IF SHE TRIED TO SAY GOODBYE TO ELSA!!! SHE MAY NEVER LET GO!!!

SHE HAD NO WHERE TO GO!!! BUT SHE DOES BEVAUSE THERES ALARIK WAITING FOR HER BECAUSE GUESS WHAT

ALARIK IS HER HOME !!!!! HE IS HER HOME !!!! SHE CAN GO TO HIM!!!!

Queue another one of my shocked and delightfully surprised screams as I shouted KRISTOFF????? Because blonde dude driving a reindeer cart

Let’s get you somewhere safe I’m going to cry THEYRE finally together again and they can keep each other safe together as. They. Should.

They are cuddling and my heart is exploding oh my god ALARIK seems so surprised like you big dumb idiot you’re both in love with each other it’s a mutual thing get with the program

SLEEP ELSA! ITS GOING TO BE OKAY! AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN PROBABLY FOREVER! IT WILL BE!

Ch4

*queue another gasp* there’s only one bed?????

Yea I saw it coming yea I was just as shocked even so yea I got very excited about it wHAT DID YOU EXPECT

They’re cUDDLING and he went to move away and she DOESNT WANT HIM TO they could’ve been sharing a bed THIS WHOLE TIME AND I JUST WANT TO SCREAM BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY

ALARIK laying all the credit on kristoff and the kids when he’s kind of the one that steamrolled the whole plan into happening because he’s the one who showed up ALARIK please give yourself more credit

“You came back” “of course I came back... I couldnt ...” “why?” And then ALARIK refusing to meet her eyes has me absolutely weeping this is the kind of shit I THRIVE ON this is truly a gift to us all everyone say thank you Trish for these three bits of dialogue I will be thinking about them for all my days

ELSA KISSED HIM!!!!!!!!!

Yeah I do lose my shit anytime Elsa is the one to make the first move you go girl you go

THE SPICE VENDOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bringing in all my favorites I am going to cry thank you Trish I love Darius

I SUPPOSE YOU TWO HAVE FINALLY GOTTEN MARRIED

listen I SCREAMED WHEN HE SAID THAT I SQUAWKED!!!! MARRIED!!!!!!

I had been observing you two and just assumed!!!!! You would assume right mr spice vendor sir if they WERENT so stupid for so long it’s okay we understand

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE ??? And Elsa says MARRY US? And ALARIK is going to PASS THE FUCK OUT

He literally got to finally kiss the woman he’s in love with for the first time last night and now they’re getting married poor boy is going to get WHIPLASH from how fast things are progressing but it’s okay im sure he is happy

Elsa’s little vows of just needing each other and keeping each other safe and keeping company and not needing gold or silver ugh TRUE LOVE

And ALARIK hopelessly devoted to her being like I PROMISE

“just you being there no matter what is enough” peak romance true love the devotion the dedication I’m a wreck

LE SMOOCH! LE MARRIAGE! INCREDIBLE I LOVE THEM

~end review~

Okay where is my epilogue please and thank you

[some-cookie-crumbz]

Years Wiser

Years Wiser Fandom: My Hero Academia Pairing: Toshinko Summary: Midoriya Inko and Yagi Toshinori may be grown adults with grown adult problems and grown adult lives, but that doesn’t mean they handle all of it like that. Age is most relative, after all. Standard Disclaimer: If you read and enjoy this, please give it a like/ reblog so I know if I should write more.

Midoriya Inko felt silly. Incredibly silly. Why was she sneaking about like some kind of hooligan? After all, what did she have to be timid or shy about? It wasn’t like she was doing anything wrong! No, not at all! She was just your average woman out doing average things and-! She flinched and darted around a corner when she heard an incredibly familiar laugh coming from the other side of the column she was ducked behind. “When you say it like that, Todoroki-Kun, you make it sound like I’m careless!” Izuku’s voice was light and filled with mirth, causing her to peer around the corner at him, staying just out of his line of sight.

Todoroki-Kun and Iida-Kun were walking to his left while Uraraka-Chan and Asui-Chan were walking to his right, if her memory served right. Iida-Kun made some kind of grand, exaggerated hand gesture. “While his wording may seem blunt, it is also incredibly accurate!”

“Especially since that’s exactly what I meant,”

“W-What? But that’s so mean to say! I’m not careless!”

“You act carelessly because you care so much, kero,” Asui-Chan chimed in quietly, poking the corner of her own mouth thoughtfully.

Izuku let out a small, distressed noise in response and a fond smile stretched across her face. It filled her with warmth to see her precious baby finding his way in life and finding new friends to help support and encourage him. She knew that it had been hard for him when he’d been thought to be quirkless, how he’d been bullied and had only a few scarce friends he could rely on. But as he adapted to his powers and grew, it was clear he was leaving the past behind him. It was enough to make her lower lip tremble and her eyes mist up! But, she reminded herself, that part of this was only thanks to the man she was actually here to see. She peered to make sure Izuku was distracted by his friends again, their voices starting to taper off, before turning and continuing on her path.

Behind her, she didn’t notice the large brown eyes watching her curiously. “Huh,” Uraraka mumbled to herself, tilting her head.

“Hm? What is it Ochako-Chan, kero?” Tsu asked politely.

“Oh! Sorry, I thought I saw Midoriya-San for a second!”

“Huh? Mom? What would she be doing here?” he mumbled quietly, turning around to peer over his shoulder. Thankfully enough, Inko had already disappeared around the corner out of sight.

Elsewhere, Inko floundered her way through trying to navigate the UA campus. She’d only visited a handful of times both since and following the construction of the dorms. She encountered a polite enough young man with purple hair who was able to direct her to the faculty office, making sure to thank him several times and bow for good measure. She adjusted her grip on the circular holder in her arms and adjusted the strap of her purse, reaching inside to make sure that the little gift box tucked inside wasn’t visible. Her cheeks immediately flooded with color as she recalled what she was doing here and Mitsuki’s remarks that morning.

Midoriya Inko had never had any real interest in Pro Heroes before. She appreciated the work they did, but that all changed when Izuku was accepted to UA. Suddenly, she was being dragged into the very real life of a Hero relative. It had been horrifying and heartbreaking and difficult at first. She remembered having so many panic attacks fretting over her beloved son - her only baby - being constantly placed in life or death scenarios and constantly breaking himself. She had been torn for so long over it all, over voicing her concerns. She wanted to do better for Izuku, to support and encourage him the way she hadn’t when he needed her before, but there was still the instinct in her to protect him. He was her whole world, her pride and joy, her moon and stars. She didn’t want to take his dreams from him again, not when they were so close. She had cowered and then she had lashed out in anger and then she came to acceptance. It was a roller coaster to say the least.

And from that all, she came to meet All Might, the Pro that had started it all for her son. And, much more importantly, she met Yagi Toshinori.

The man was an anomaly when she met him. She was used to seeing the large, muscle-bound form of him on television and the posters decorating her son’s walls. But when he appeared he was broken and bandaged, seeming like a wisp of the man so revered. She expected him to be haughty and confident and assert with her refusal to let her son continue on. She had expected a fight to break out. But, he had left her startled when he instead acknowledged his fault, bowed his whole form to her floor, pleaded with her to allow Izuku back into his tutelage and vowed to give his life for the boy. In that moment, she saw the first glimpse of who he was outside of the mask he wore, saw what lurked inside him deep down.

And she had been unable to reject that. Her whole life she had been vulnerable and breakable. How could she tear this man down further at his lowest point?

And at first, that was all there was to it. She had allowed her baby bird to leave the nest they’d made and take flight. It had been hard, being alone in the apartment most of the time. She had some part time work to do at a nearby library but that only filled the void up so much. The first call came in one late Thursday evening, as she was figuring out what to make herself for dinner, from a number she didn’t recognize. She chanced answering it, a brief part of her wondering if it was her ex-husband calling to check on things. Maybe he had caught wind of their son’s newfound abilities from all the way across the ocean and wanted to try and revive that relationship, she didn’t know. “Hello?”

“Ah, hello, Midoriya-San. I hope I’m not calling at an inconvenient time,” Yagi Toshinori said, his tone even albeit a bit awkward.

Red alarms went off in her mind. “What has happened? Is my Izuku okay? Did he hurt himself with his Quirk again?”

“N-No, no! Young Midoriya is doing just fine!” he answered her just as frantically. She released a small whimper of relief as she let her body sag into one of the kitchen chairs. “I’m so sorry, I should have thought this through better. I just… I wanted to call and offer to give you weekly updates on his progress.”

She blinked before feeling a small smile turn up on her lips. “I’d like that. Thank you, All Might,”

“Oh, no need to call me by that name! Just Yagi will be fine, going forward,” he said with a relieved chuckle.

And so began the weekly calls between them. At first they stayed to the topic of Izuku and his progress; how he was adapting to his Quirk, how his control was improving, how his grades were looking for his classes and the like. For a good few months that was all it was, until Izuku’s progress was steady enough that her worries were mostly abated and slowly new topics started to slip into the conversation. They learned of a shared adoration for silly competition shows centered around cooking, baking and other such things. Yagi confessed that, despite not being a particularly skilled cook himself, he always liked observing the process and feedback that was offered. She then invited him over one night for dinner and a season finale of something, and a new tradition started up. They’d try to get together once every week or two and watch the latest episodes of this or that together.

It was all very simple and domestic and something she had missed dearly. She had missed having someone around her own age to converse with and watch shows with. She had missed sitting on the patio with a cup of warm tea, sprinkling an amicable silence with silly anecdotes from either of their times. She had missed all of it so very much and was so grateful to have befriended Yagi Toshinori. So, when she realized that his birthday - known because of Izuku - she had decided to get him a little something to show her gratitude. She had gone out and looked for a nice blend of orchid oolong tea to gift him, as well as taking the time to bake him a dark pearl chiffon cake. She had noticed that he tended to prefer his desserts with a bit of bite and tartness to them.

Bakugo Mitsuki had been over for lunch while she’d been working on the cake earlier that day, humming to herself as she skittered to and fro in her tiny kitchen, pouring the batter into the tin carefully. The blonde woman had a knowing grin on her lips as she watched her, leaning her cheek into the palm of her hand and leaning heavily on it. “It’s been a while since you’ve done some baking. Who is it for?” she asked conversationally, though there was a certain underlying tone in her voice.

Inko would have noticed it if she’d been giving her all her attention. “For a friend’s birthday today. I went and picked up a lovely tea to pair with it, too,” she said giddily, leaning over to carefully slide the tin into the oven.

“Ah, that tall blonde man, yeah? Seemed kinda familiar,” she mumbled before pushing up and heading in as well. She plucked the up the drained mixing bowl and spoon from the counter. “Anyway, I’m impressed and proud, Inko! It’s about damn time you got back in the game!”

“Back in the…? What do you mean?” she asked innocently.

The other raised an eyebrow while swirling the spoon in the bowl to get a good amount of excess batter on it. “You’re making this for your boyfriend, yeah?”

The green haired woman let out a loud squeal, the noise akin to an overheated tea kettle, while her face turned dark red. “W-What! N-N-No! Y-YYa-Yagi-K-Kun and I aren’t-!” She cut herself off to hide her face with her hands.

“Yagi-Kun…? Oh! All Might!” she hummed, lifting the spoon up and licking some batter from it. She let out a contented little sigh at the flavor. “Ah, amazing as usual, Inko. I have to say, the man has good taste; in desserts and in women.”

“M-M-Mit-Mitsuki! It isn’t like that!”

Ruby red eyes blinked slowly as they watched her. “But you want it to be, right? And so does he, if those looks he casts your way are anything to go by,” she said, waving the spoon about as she spoke, dripping a little bit of batter on to her arm.

Inko whimpered and slumped against the counter, her mind whirling. Had Yagi-Kun been looking at her like that? No, no! There was absolutely no way! Even if he wasn’t still working or able to appear as the man the public adored, this was still the All Might they were talking about! He was so well known and well loved he could have anyone he wanted! And even without the muscle, he had so many endearing qualities about him! He was kind but also bashful and overly polite, which was charming in its own way! And then there was that smile of his that, even now, still had this warmth to it that was comforting! And his eyes were such a lovely shade of blue, like a cloudless sky in early spring! He wouldn’t have to settle for someone like her; someone who was plump and anxious and meek and was raising her son all alone and-!

Her thoughts were cut off when a brief flash of pain flared up from the back of her head, making her yelp.

“I know what you were doing in that little head of yours, sweetheart, and you’re gonna stop it,” Mitsuki snorted, picking the abandoned spoon back up. She took another lick at it before pointing it at Inko. “You and Hi-Shithead haven’t been a thing for over seven years. The guy comes and visits you frequently. You two have similar hobbies and interests. He looks after your son better than that deadbeat ass that knocked you up. And you’re an absolute darling, Inko. You’re compassionate and affectionate and thoughtful. Any man would be lucky to have you on his arm; Pro Hero or not. So, what are you stalling for?” she prompted evenly.

She hadn’t known how to answer that. And, even now, with her heart hammering so hard it was rattling her body, she wasn’t sure. Perhaps it really was the fear of rejection, of being told she wasn’t good enough? That she wasn’t worth the time to invest? And what if he didn’t reciprocate? What if it ruined everything they already had, and she lost one of the few friends she had? That was a terrifying thought in and of itself.

Yagi-Kun and the time they spent together meant so much to her. She didn’t want to ruin that over what was most likely a crush.

“Excuse me,” An annoyed, deep voice barked at her, causing her to shriek and throw her arms up. She barely managed to use her Quirk to call the cake back to herself before it fell to the ground, taking a deep breath as she meekly peered over her shoulder at the form addressing her. Their appearance was dark and shaggy, as if they either didn’t have the time to put themselves together better or didn’t care enough to. She was inclined to think it was the former, though. He looked her up and down once before letting out a small hum. “You must be related to the problem child.”

She plastered on a tight smile at that, already certain she knew what he meant. “Midoriya Inko, it’s a pleasure to meet you. And thank you for taking care of my Izuku,” she said as she bowed.

He stared at her before turning to reach for a nearby door. “The student dorms are on the other side of the campus, but he may be doing some training with his friends. The grounds are-!”

“U-Um, actually!” she squeaked out, wilting a bit at how he stared at her for interrupting him. She adjusted the carrier in her hand again. “I wasn’t here for-! T-That is to say, um… I’m actually looking for All Might!” she managed to choke out, her eyes skirting about the tiled floor like mad.

“All Might?” he repeated. She nodded without lifting her head. He threw the door he’d been reaching for open and stepped inside. “All Might! There’s something going on with the problem child again!”

There was a clatter inside. “W-What? Is Young Midoriya okay? Is he in the infirmary? Or is he with Principal Nezu?” Yagi-s familiar voice asked frantically, perking Inko up and making her giggle a bit. She couldn’t blame him for the reaction.

She carefully stepped a bit closer, standing in the doorway and meekly waving at him. He was standing at his desk, hands on the surface as he looked ready to take off running. There were a few other teachers gathered in the area, reassuring her that she was at the faculty office like she’d wanted, but she could tell that even the ones that weren’t looking at them were paying attention. “Hello,” she said meekly.

“Midoriya-San? It’s good to see you, but what are you doing here?” he asked worriedly, carefully stepping around his desk and walking over to meet her.

She held the carrier up, taking a small breath to relax herself some and knowing that it would do nothing. “I, um… W-Well, today is your birthday and… I thought… I wanted to give you something! But I wasn’t really sure what kind of things you may want or need, so I thought that I could bake you something. It’s a cake! Oh, but that may have been obvious! A-And I did get a small something to go with that, too!” she rambled, reaching into her purse to hold out the little gift box where the tea tin rested.

She cautioned a glance up at him and was stunned to see his own cheeks tinted pink, one hand rubbing at the back of his neck shyly. But, a shy and genuine smile was turning up on his lips. “You’re incredible,” he breathed, the blush going darker.

She giggled and averted her gaze. “It’s nothing. Just… Just a thank you, for being you,” she said, holding his eye as she spoke.

His blue eyes widened, filling with an emotion she couldn’t place, before his smile brightened even more. “Would you like to come in for a while? I’ll start some water for the tea and we can have the cake together,” he suggested, offering one of his hands to her while ushering her inside with the other.

She nodded. “I’d like that very much, Yagi-Kun,”

[gale-gentlepenguin]

ML Dream Saga: S*** is getting real right now.

Previous Dreams: (ML Dream Episode) (My Subconscious is f***ing taunting me) (Because my mind finally wants to be nice) (Yes there is more) (The one with Zag Spoilers) (Cause my mind wants this to be a saga for some reason) (Bustier gets some decent development) (There is a musical number apparently) (Plot twist) (This was more elaborate then I expected)

I went to church so I wasn't able to post this right as I woke up. But here it is. The dream I had last night.

_______________________________________________________________________

-So Marinette and Adrien are back in Fu’s old apartment. Fu never actually sold the place. He was just moving around to avoid getting caught there. There is clearly a lot of tension here.

-Fu is caught up on everything that happened.

-Fu apologizing to Marinette and Adrien about what happened. Marinette is furious, especially with how Fu himself was saying that sacrifices needed to be made and all that.

- Adrien speaks up in Fu’s defense that its hard to give up on those you love. Marinette looks at Adrien and then looks away. She can't look at him right now.

-Fu tells Adrien that he is wrong to defend him. That he failed them, and now they will have to pay for his mistake once again.

-Marinette cools down and asks Fu what they should do. Fu answers that they will need to be ready.

-Adrien and Marinette both leave. Adrien touches Marinette’s shoulder to try and talk to her about... ‘The reveal’. Marinette pulls her shoulder away. She can't address this drama bomb right now, she needs to focus on how to fight Arséne and what he is planning. She is Ladybug first. Does she want to smooch his face and tell him that He was the guy she has been in love with the whole time. But right now, she can't be distracted.

-”Do you really hate that its me under the mask?” Adrien asked as she was walking away.

-Marinette stops.

-”No. But at this moment, it is the worst possible time for me to know its you.” Marinette answered.

-Adrien has no idea what she means.

-”Out of all of the Crazy things that have been happening around me. Finding out you were the woman I love was the only good thing.”

-Marinette turns back around.

-”Adrien. Please don't say that to me right now.”

-”No. Marinette.”

-Adrien looked like he was tearing up

-“ I have wanted to know who was under the mask for so long. I wanted to finally tell that girl how I feel. After all of the akuma battles and close calls, all of the kisses I don't remember, the heartbreaks and gentle touches. I felt myself moving on from Ladybug and feeling my heart go to another girl. A cute, caring yet slightly clumsy designer who has a heart bigger then Paris. And now today of all days, I find out those two girls that I felt my heart torn between were the same person. This moment was suppose to be the happiest moment of my life and despite everything, it still is. So I am sorry that you don't feel the same way, but I wanted you to know how I feel.”

- Marinette looking down. walks towards him. Adrien starts thinking he said way too much and that he should have held back. (His face though)

-She grabs his cheeks. And kisses him. Oh man it was so cute.

-The shock, the revelation, and then the happy acceptance.

-”Of course I feel the same way. But this isn't the time for this now! I need to come up with a plan. We have a super villain that knows who we are and he is planning something big. I am the guardian of the Miraculous now. I can't let our miraculous fall into his hands. I am scared I will fail.”

-Adrien held her close.

-”I am here with you. Even if it is just us against the world. I promise we will fight together. And we will protect the miraculous.”

-Oh also it was raining. so symbolism.

_______________________________________________________________________

(I don't know how much later. But it is later on)

-Arséne is with Miss Bustier at the top of the Eiffel Tower. It is just the two of them.

-Arséne telling Caline a really heartfelt confession in which he proposes. Like just really goes all out with it.

-Caline is happy and eager to say yes, but before she does, Arséne closes the box.

-”But before you say anything. I need to tell you the truth... about me.”

-So he tells her he is dying. That his time is running short. He also tells her that he is on a mission from an ancient order to retrieve the mystical objects in Paris. (Basically telling her he is from ‘The order of Guardians’ which is bs. But he pulls it off convincingly. He explains how he needs to get them back to the order and as a reward, he will be able to extend his life. Which he initially wanted for selfish reasons he tells her, but now wants it so he could spend the rest of his life with her. (Some of these are lies and some are true.)

-Caline agrees to marry him, and thanks him for his honesty. 

-”My dearest Caline, there is one thing I will ask of you. Will you help me?”

-”Of Course. I will help you.”

_______________________________________________________________________

-Nathalie is in the private hospital room that Gabriel is in. She watches over him. She could tell he is trying to hard to wake up, to fight. She could feel his powerful emotions. She knows she will need to be Mayura, in order to save him.

_______________________________________________________________________

-Ladybug and Chat noir hand out Miraculous to each person they trust. Max got the horse, Kim the monkey, Alya the fox, Nino the turtle, Kagami the Dragon, Luka gets the snake. Juleka gets the tiger. Alix got the bunny. and so on.  They were told not to transform or use the miraculous until the time was right. That they would know.

-The two are bonding and learning everything thing they can in order to fight Arséne.

-Though the Bee miraculous is kept on Ladybug because she didn't want to give it to chloé, Not yet.

-The class hears about Miss Bustier’s engagement. The class except for Adrien and Marinette are super happy for her. Because they know the truth about that gentleman.

-Marinette tries to talk with Miss Bustier about maybe not rushing into an engagement with Mr.Manachot.

-Of course Caline explains that she know him very well and trusts him dearly, but she appreciates her concern.

-Marinette was about to tell her teacher the truth, when Arséne shows up.

-Arséne greets his fiancée with a kiss and turns his attention to Marinette. Who is glaring at him.

-”It is not polite to glare.” Arséne points out.

-Caline realizes she needs to do something and heads off, leaving the two alone in the hall.

-Adrien shows up and sees Arséne, he quickly moves to Marinette’s side. Now the two of them are staring down the Gentleman.

-”So nice to see you Adrien. I am glad you are alright.”

-Adrien looks at the man with pure rage. He feels so betrayed by someone he looked up to.

-Arséne felt hurt, but knew this was an inevitable outcome. 

-”Tomorrow night.”

-And he turns and starts to walk away.

-”Also, very smart move. Handing out the miraculous already. Way to be prepared.”

-Marinette and Adrien wondering how the hell he knew what they did.

_______________________________________________________________________

Its a full moon. and the moon is glowing brightly.

-Arséne, or more specifically. Monarch is in his apartment with Miss Bustier.

-”Are you ready?”

-”Yes.”

-He creates an akuma and puts it into the engagement ring.

-” Madame Booster. I am Monarch. As my beloved and most trusted supporter. I give you the power to increase my power.”

-She gets a cool look reminiscent of Zombizou but mixed with Catalyst. Her visor was glowing white. And she looked pretty awesome. She touched Monarch’s Cane and his color scheme shifted White.

-”Monarch. You are now Absolute Monarch. I give you the power to akumatize as many people as you desire.”

-He smiles.

-He touches his butterflies which were now bigger and glowing with an etherial white light.

_______________________________________________________________________

-Gabriel awakens from his coma, Where Nathalie was waiting for him.

-Nathalie hugs the man, relieved he was alright. She says she will get Adrien so that he could see his father was okay.

-”Now is not the time for that.”

-Nathalie pauses.

-”I can feel my miraculous being used. And they are using it for something powerful. I know I said the peacock miraculous was too dangerous, but we are without any options.”

-Nathalie revealed she had it on her. She transforms into Mayura.

-Gabriel tells Mayura to use his emotions to create a sentimonster.

-Sentimonster Scarlet moth is born. Gabriel used a picture of his wife to conjure up the most powerful emotions he could. Visualizing Scarlet moth as the key of getting her back.

-Mayura and Scarlet Moth Leave, while Gabriel holds the photo and looks through the eyes of the sentimonster. He wasn't out of the fight yet.

-Apparently the seni! Scarletmoth could make red copies of any akuma he physically touched and they were loyal to him.

_______________________________________________________________________

-Glowing White versions of akumas start showing up and causing havoc in Paris.

-Ladybug, Chat noir and the rest of the miraculous Wielders are on the Arch de Triumph. 

-”Is everyone ready?”

- Everyone chants yes.

-Chat noir puts a hand on Ladybug’s shoulder.

-”We are with you Bugaboo.”

-She gives him a kiss, the group of heroes (alya specifically) watch with a smile as it happens.

-Today we are finishing this fight.

-And the heroes charge.

And then the dream cuts off.

[curious-minx]

Left Behind In The Halloween Parade: Late Review of Bob’s Burgers And The Simpsons.

The First Sunday of November, and the Last Sunday of the Trump and Biden election, found Hulu finally uploading the Bob’s Burgers and Simpsons Halloween episodes. So in the spirit of taking your sweet ass time that is exactly what I did with this review. The Bob’s Burgers Halloween episode is probably the weakest of the series, a series that is practically a Hallmark card company in terms of the amount of holiday-inspired content they have churned out. Episode “Heartbreak Hotel-oween” isn’t a particularly offensive in any way it just fails to live up to Halloween episodes such as my personal favorites Season 8 “The Wolf of Wharf Street,” which remains one of the most visually stunning episodes of the series,  and  Season 4, the series’ second Halloween episode,“Fort Night,” which has incredibly gruesome stakes and the most satisfying entry in the Louise versus Millie feud. 

“Heartbreak Hotel-oween” is still ultimately pretty good and though it took a second viewing to fully appreciate it I do like watching the Belcher children deftly sail through the world of adults. The tantalizing plot thread of a Bob’s Burgers Delivery service is dangled and I would like to see more Delivery based plots. Getting these characters into different areas and expanding upon the ambitious Jersey shore town. Having the kids deliver a burger to an older woman using the burger as a lure for her seance is flattened against a brown and forgettable after thought of a hotel. Everything with the Belcher kids is good and interesting and with the help of Andy Daly voicing the Hotel Manager; Lindsey Stoddart doing Quarantine duty and voicing multiple characters including the old woman Dolores conducting the seance, and Loren Bouchard Home Movies collaborator Melissa Robbins stops by as a bystander character as well. 

The episode starts getting in its own way with the adults blood bank centric B-plot. The entire plot is given in a single exchange with Teddie being excited about donating blood and everyman Bob with his everyman  O-negative blood finds giving blood nauseating and gross. That’s it. That’s the whole plot and besides the blood banker workers being dressed up as vampires there are no other comedic games being played and it is total unmemorable fluff, which has been a common issue for the ongoing series. One thing this episode does right is at least get Bob, Linda and Teddie out of the restaurant and into a new environment. A lot of the verbal exchanges between Bob, Linda and Teddie feel a lot more stilted due to Covid recordings and the lack of non-scripted banter is sorely missed. I have noticed this season having more John H. Benjamin monologue Bob by himself moments, which only work when Bob’s imagination is in full flight. Where was the talking bag of Bob’s blood? Hell I wouldn’t even had objected to hearing a dang song sung by the vampires to help soothe Bob into giving blood or something beyond: Bob doesn’t like giving blood because it makes him woozy, he gives blood and get’s woozy. 

Overall this is a perfectly serviceable episode: three Ghost-baiting cheeseburgers out of five. 

////

Intermission. 

Fox is certainly using the Loren Bouchard & Molyneux sisters brand like a blood bag with the recent announcement of the new series The Great North. Wendy Molyneux is a frequent writer, (executive) story editor since Bob’s Burgers inception. She is the writer of  “The Wolf of Wharf Street” and the episode of Bob’s Burgers I have watched the most - “There's No Business Like Mr. Business Business,” because I am a cat fanatic, John Oliver fan, and have been the pet companion of a standard poodle exactly like Snoodle named Faust that I love dearly. Basically, I am excited for this show. Molyneux is also a deeply connected collaborator with Megan Mullally writing on all 74 episodes of Mullally’s forgotten by the ages The Megan Mullally Show. A show according to Wikipedia’s citation of Fox News, “viewers were disappointed to find out that Megan is not anything like Karen in real life,” and if there is any white woman out there that is an anti-Karen it is Mullally. Mullally is not the focus of the show but her more visible and commercially accessible husband Nick Offerman is finally being anointed into the annals of TV Dads. With his three sons voiced by Paul Rust, Will Forte and National Treasure Aparna Nancherla and sole daughter voiced by Bob’s Burgers alum Jenny Slate, who recently honorably stepped down from a lucrative tv series Big Mouth deal like the real champ that she is.  Mullally will show up as Jenny Slate’s character’s boss andThe cast is undeniable the backdrop of Alaska has a lot of promise for elaborate or interesting set pieces. I am ready for this show! Will this be Bob’s Burgers Futurama? That’s probably a vicious hex based on how Futurama was infamously jerked around by Fox. FOX has already given the show a promising two-season deal, which is already a lot better than what Netflix did for Tuca and Bertie. Faint nowhere discussions of the Bob’s Burgers movie were also mentioned in an interview with Bouchard who has a cantankerous “theater release only” policy, which bums out a little, but I would much prefer they take as long as possible. The Bob’s Burgers movie cannot end up carrying out the Simpson movie curse.

/////

I am no Simsons scholar. I could not give you an active ranking of favorite Tree House of Horror episodes. I could tell you that I really like Bart as an Edgar Allen Poe’s Raven. You don’t need to be Simpsons scholar to safely state that “Treehouse of Horror XXXI” should be ashamed to show its “funny face.” For starters the entire appeal of the anthology style of storytelling has been completely deflated by having two of the previous episodes in this season being gimmicky non-standard episodes. The only positive thing I can say about this episode is that it is an important teaching tool for what the most broken and shittiest, laziest satire imaginable would look like and the 2020 Election cold opening is actually pretty solid. All of the good will earned by the strong opening is completely squandered starting with an inexplicably CGI Toys Story sketch. I am assuming the animation department went with CGI because the source material is CGI. The CGI is really bad and makes me really miss the 3D models of Simpsons Hit And Run and perfectly charming The Simpsons Game. Instead this sketch’s particular animation looks like the animators were most inspired not by Pixar’s clean and craftsmen like CGI models but were going for more of a Fanboy & Chum Chum look. A Toy’s Story parody in this day and age is asinine in its laziness, but it’s still an evergreen territory. A good Toy’s Story parody is possible, but simply having Bart play out the role of Toy Story’s Sid except he gets lobotomized by his own toys. I did appreciate the writer’s making the explicit moral of the story to not buy toys, which for a Disney product like the Simpsons is pretty rich. 

Behold! The last recorded instance of a quality Toys Story satire from China, IL

The next two parodies go down slightly better simply because they aren’t sporting that eye bleeding animation but paying homage to Enter The Spider-verse and Russian Doll/Happy Death Day 2U in 2020 feels just as dated as Toy Story. What kind of fool is still writing about Russian Doll in 2020? The Enter the Homer-verse sketch is at least ambitious and showcases how masturbatory  the show has come whenever it is showcasing Dan Castellaneta’s various vocal talents. I get it dude, you like having dump trucks of money given to you for barely making an effort and doing Hannah Barbara impersonations that sound more like a bad Woody Allen. Regardless, this is still the one sketch that makes the most attempt to have comedic games with its multiple iterations of Homer and even throwing out some alternative universe Burns and Smithers for good measure. The final third Russian Doll sketch that let’s you know that this sketch is more Russian Doll than Happy Death Day by using the same exact Harry Nilsson “Gotta Get Up”  piano riff. This sketch had potential but once again the show writers and creatives seem to only indulge the worst possible instincts and cast Lisa as the lead of the sketch. So that means we get to watch this 8 soon-to-be 9 year old girl and fellow child Nelson get murdered in a variety of banal and brutal ways, and it’s just not fun or pleasant to watch. The obvious choice is an unexpected Springfield resident and if it has to be a Simpson having Marge or one of her sisters be the Nadia surrogate makes far more logical sense and Marge’s birthday would carry more emotional weight. 

Reminder to myself to check out this lost late series entry where Natasha Lyonne is the voice of Krusty’s daughter. 

I completely understand why The AV Club canceled their coverage of The Simpsons. The whole series has a very masochistic and sadistic pull and tug between creatives and fans. The sweet and simple souls of Den of Geek are still reviewing the Simpsons and offer a far more favorable review: https://www.denofgeek.com/tv/the-simpsons-season-32-episode-4-review-treehouse-of-horror-xxxi/.  Google results also yield one another publication reviewing this current season published on medium that has been taken by for violating medium rules. Will the Simpsons be coming for me next? 

Skip this episode! Judging by the synopsis of the season’s next ep finding the Simpsons, once again, finding themselves somewhere other than Springfield is looking to be another skippable entry. I want to be proven wrong! The latter day Simpsons seasons usually have a memorable or decent episode here or there. So far the only thing remarkable about this season is how much it wants to try to be different and think outside of the Springfield box but in the process give the season an overwhelming sense of hollowness. I shall forge ahead with my coverage, because I am either a masochist or a sadist depending on the weather. 

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket SE2, ep12, part2

The way this ep was handled make it stands alone outside of furuba’s world. It can very well be an anime film. We don’t even need to know why the main couple broke up or anything abt the curse lore. It’s a story abt a couple who could’ve been the happiest, but parted ways despite loving each other still. A story about a woman ,one-sidedly, falling deeply in love with a taken man despite wishing the couple all the happiness. Mayu was right “ ppl don’t fall in love to be sad & lonely” but everybody in this ep was sad & lonely. Including shigure. 

-Standing Still while everybody moves on:

Kana moved on & married. Yet, Hatori stood still, time has passed, his heart healed, but his mind didn’t. He condemned himself into life long confinement next to his abuser, like a robot, always within Akito’s reach, always on call. One day he’s out picking up a book, didn’t even intend to!, then he gets scolded for daring to go outside his virtual cage. First time he went to take the book, he was tricked by Shigure, but the second time he went on his own volition. He wanted an excuse to escape. Mayu, too, stood still as time passed, still feeling guilty abt loving hatori. still held by the past. She’s too aware that her emotions were once one-sided that she fears taking a step forward.

-Shigure’s “Steal Him!!!” advice:

“steal him” as if hatori is a helpless toy. This is very interesting insight into shigure’s mentality:

(a) Maybe Shigure only said that to urge Mayu to do sth for herself. he’s playing the role of the author putting characters in situations & watching how they react & how things unfold. It also shows a kind of sickening delight he has upon watching dramatic situations. Then..don’t we all love drama?.but i dare hope that we don’t instigate it.

(b) Maybe Shigure really wants Mayu to “steal” hatori cuz that’s how he wants to do with Akito. He wants to steal her from Kureno. By stealing he means play the tricks of seducing & manipulating the situations to his/her favor. This puts a whole perspective into the already know fact of shigure not justifying his actions of manipulating others for his gain. He loves Akito & for the name of love, he shall do what he needs to do. Including using others. If shigure wants sth, he reaches out & takes it. If he can’t, he’ll play dirty until he can. He truly wanted Mayu to follow his footsteps to gain hatori. Maybe he wants to feel that he’s not the only one tainted by loving someone who doesn’t love them back equally. Cuz afterall Mayu is his shoes now. I can’t confirm if Akito doesn’t love/never loved/stopped loving Shigure romantically, it is not shown yet. but what is shown is that Shigure’s world orbits around Akito. He’s not affected by the curse, or traumatized, but he is so in love with her & will be damned if he won’t crush the entire sohma system so she can be his. I duno how I feel abt his dedication tho. I love how morally grey it is. i duno how much toxicity is weaven into their relationship. Akito’s perspective is needed before I could make an opinion. But I’ll say this, he’s scary when he doesn’t get what he wants & he’s scarier when he feels no guilt over stomping over others to reach his goal. if Mayu, actually “stole” hatori, then she’ll have to stomp all over a kind unsuspected friend whose fault is that she’s in the way. I’m glad Mayu isn’t didn’t steep low in the name of love.

-Shigure’s “lets date” suggestion:

I love this suggestion!!! Mayu & shigure both established that they have no romantic feelings to each other. Then why date? cuz they’re both damn lonely! he’s also bored but I believe he’s masking his loneliness as well. We all grew up believing I’ll crush on someone, get asked out, date, fall in love & that’s how things always happen. NO. Often times (for me at least), everybody around me follows the above sequence & i find myself behind, so alone that I so much yearn for a romantic hand touch. Often times You find yourself accepting blind dates, coffee invitations from ppl you have no feelings for..cuz you’re so lonely & waiting for the spark between you two that means you’ve crossed into sth that could blossom romantically. Personally, This is one of the most relatable feelings in furuba. They date..but the spark never comes. He’s cold..so cold that he might as well be not there. Kana/hatori walk outside, talk together, she only needs two finger faintly touching his sleeve to get his full attention. Mayu/shigure stay inside, each is absorbed individually, he’s in a book, she’s watching her crush. she tries for his attention, he doesn’t even raise his head from his book. Mayu got the lesson: “I won’t date someone cuz I feel lonely anymore. It’ll only make me lonelier”.

-Mayu’s wish vs Mayu’s wish:

Mayu’s wish that Kana/hatori be happy is interesting. It isn’t only cuz she wants her dear friend to be happy. She genuinely does. But Mayu’s wish has a tragic layer to it. She wants them to be happy to prove to herself that she has no chance. that even if she took shigure’s advice & tried to break them, she can’t. That no matter how she tried she can’t have him. cuz she’s not kana. No way, he’ll leave kana & choose her. So, please you two be happy, so happy & prove me right for staying away, prove me wrong for daring to wish for him. But her wish fails. Their love ends. It breaks Mayu so much, that she doesn’t care for the reason, the outcome of them breaking up is the most tragic thing. She leaves. Kana heals. Kana wishes the most heartbreaking wish of all. “I wish you end up with hatori, mayu, he suits you” oh poor Mayu’s heart. how devastating it is to hear that?! the woman who went thro a horrible nervous breakdown cuz she loves hatori so much, now wishes him to be with her best friend. The writer is ruthless. I was as tearful as Mayu in that scene.

-The Anime’s Trope of “Interfering for a friend”: (done right!)

When a precious friend/loved one is in a state of deep depression, normally family/friends try to interfere to help. often ppl are too lost to help themselves. But whoever was on that state of depression or have a loved one in that state knows that it’s nothing like the movies/dramas make it out to be. It is not “hey friend, do this & that & you’ll be happy”. It is not “hey friend, check into this hospital & be healed”. It is not “hey friend, take this punch or that kick & this slap, be healed by the magic of healing violence” NO. It is nothing at all like all these shitty climax in films & drama. It’s a process that requires time, patience & above all honesty & frankness. Hatori is going thro depression, but time has done its duty of distancing him frm the core issue (kana), next both Shigure/Ayame talked to him in SE01, lake ep, to let him know that they’re frustrated abt his situation, trying to let him see hope. Then shigure from afar creates an opportunity for hatori. if hatori chooses to grap on, its his call. No force. No violence, No cheap thrills. This is by far my fave aspect abt this ep. The logical & realistic approach to helping someone taking into consideration the reality of his depression & his character. You rally forget this is an anime!!!! I’ve never seen this before! I love to so much! The amount of respect this author has for the characters’ mental state & the logical development of such situation in real life is brilliant!! You don’t watch furuba for redundant anime tropes or drama thrills. you watch traumatized characters handled with realistic development & logical progression. Hatori wasn’t healed simply cuz he asked Mayu out. He’s walking towards healing by accepting shigure’s help. by actually seizing the opportunity his friend offered him. it is just the start for him but we saw glimpses from the future. He made it!

Side Notes:

Shigure’s “ he liked you well enough” to Mayu was a true evaluation of Hatori’s feelings at that time. Hatori was in love with Kana. He also liked Mayu cuz kana made sure to gush abt her. Shigure’s words are meant to encourage Mayu that you’re not a stranger to hatori, you can build sth with him. starts from the friends base & see how things go from that.

I like that they flat out showed us Mayu/hatori’s future together as a couple without ambiguity. she’s in her short hair signalling change. Their story isn’t tied by the plot, or anybody. It can be free. It can be happy.

I’m sorry but Mayu cutting her hair is a crime! T_T. That magnificent hair!! All the cute her do’s. It’s okay..I’ll be happy once it’s yuki’s turn to cut his Akito’s-look-alike hair. He deserve it!

I love how the writer didn’t put women against each other!! (a)Mayu didn’t sell her friendship for a man who didn’t love her. (b)kana wasn’t insecure in her relationship with hatori that she was eying her female friend all the time. (c)Kagura, before realizing her one-sided love, didn’t do anything to tohru despite seeing how much kyo is falling for her!! Kyo falling in love with tohru isn’t tohru’s fault & kagura didn’t hate her for it! (d)tohru herself, despite seeing how toxic kagura’s affection was, didn’t actively seek to break them in order to “save” kyo ! that’s not her duty. Kyo can save himself & kagura can realize her mistake. It is sth they need to do for themselves!! brilliant & unique approach in handling woman’s relationship! LOVE IT!

[blueeyedslytherin]

Canon scene: When Draco left for Hogwarts for the first time

//Tagging my Draco babes and my Lucius for BIG EMO REASONS: @mindthevoices @aparecium-muses @xfpureblood

     She knew it should not have been this hard, she was a grown woman, why was she getting so emotional? She knew the answer to that, why was she bothering to lie to herself? She wasn’t stupid, she knew exactly why she was being so emotional right now. Draco, her first and only child, her baby boy, was off to Hogwarts for the very first time.

     She could still remember her very first day of school, 11 going on 12 and absolutely nerve wracked. Both of her sisters were already in school, Andromeda a budding third year and Bellatrix a stunning fifth year, both of them already living and breathing embodiment of what her reputation should look like at school. Both of them had impeccable grades and wonderful social standing among their classmates, both of them had been sorted into Slytherin and had made their family proud for it. 

     She remembered on that day, standing at platform 9 ¾, with absolutely no doubt that she would get sorted into the same house as her sisters and would take her place beside them not only at the Slytherin table but also at Hogwarts. She would take her place beside them as they made their way down the hall, the family to beat, the sisters to impress, the Black sisters once more united on an educational front to take down all social standing and to beat the odds. And from that day on, at least for the next few years, that was exactly what happened. By the time Narcissa entered her fourth year of school Bellatrix was graduated and married freshly, leaving her and Andromeda to rule the school alone. And then at the end of her fifth year, when Andromeda graduated, she lost her sister in an even more permanent way, left alone to walk the halls in humiliation.

     She hoped so dearly that Hogwarts would be a different experience for Draco, that he would make wonderful friends and learn all the things the wonderful wizarding world had to offer him, that the professors would treat him with the respect he deserved as her son, the other students would respect the Malfoy name and that he would end up in Slytherin just like his parents before him. Now is the time for him to start making a wonderful reputation for himself, because it would reflect on him later. Lucius often spoke about the ties that he had in business were ones formed with people they had gone to school with, and the same reputation that garnered him his business allies had also garnered him enough respect and power for him to become her fiancé by the time she was 16 years old. The things her son said and did for the next seven years at the school could determine not only his career but who he ended up marrying, especially with blood and wealth like theirs. It was a lot of pressure, but in the same vein, she wanted him to have a wonderful time.

     Hogwarts had been some of the best and worst days of her life, it had been some of her closest memories with her sisters, some of her safest days because she was away from home. It had been where she met Lucius, completely unaware that love would one day strike them as hard as a broom flying at top speed. She wanted him to make amazing memories and amazing friends, for him to look back on that time in his life and be terribly happy about it. That was part of why she was so emotional, because she knew she wouldn’t be present for such happiness in him. Draco had always been very attached to his mother, and she was attached to him in returned. He was her only child and the thing she loved most in the world, the only good thing that had ever come from her, her bright light in a dark world. That was why it was so hard for her, taking him to the train station.

     Lucius had taken the time away from work, she had practically begged him to. She knew how busy he was and that there was a lot to be done at the ministry, but this was a special day. This was their son‘s first day of school and she wanted to be able to see him off. It was painful, definitely, because she never been away from him for a long time before. She knew it was coming, but it didn’t make it any easier. She had never been away from him for more than a few days before, days when she would sometimes leave him with his grandfather so that she and Lucius could go away on a miniature vacation just the two of them. But she had never been apart from him for more than a few days, not even a full week. And here she was, in early September, having to say goodbye to her son knowing she wouldn’t see him again until the holiday break in December. And then what was she supposed to do after the holidays? Then she wouldn’t see him again until the summer break and that was an even longer time!

     She held back tears as she watched her husband give her son one last good speech as they stood beside the Hogwarts express, listening to Lucius talk to him about always remembering to write home and that should he ever need anything, just let him know and he would be there in a flash. She watched them hug and bit her lower lip so that it wouldn’t tremble, but she knew that her sorrow was obvious by the way that her son clung to her before he ever even said anything. She hugged him back tightly, momentarily not caring for her reputation as she allowed  tears to fill her eyes and simply hoped that her mascara would not run.

     “You’ll be a good boy won’t you? You’ll be safe for me?“ She asked, watching him nod his head, her fingers stroking over his gelled hair, a style that he had insisted on because he thought it made him look like a proper young man on his first day of school. “And you’ll write home to me often? You must be sure to pay good attention to your classes and always do your schoolwork. I’ll be sending you lovely thing from home all the time, your favorite treats and anything else you should like,” she promised, reaching her hands up to hold his face.

     “I’ll write all the time, I promise. And I’ll be very good, I’ll make both of you proud,“ the young boy promised, making both of his parents smile.

     Narcissa smiled brightly and hugged him tightly one last time, her lashes wet from her tears. “I love you, Little Dragon,“ she said, her tone breathy and emotional.

     “I love you too, Mother,“ Draco said, his voice very sure of himself. He was his mother’s boy, and she had spent his entire life making sure that without a shadow of a doubt, he always knew how loved and how special he was. When he pulled away he smiled at her, clearly trying to hide his own emotions because he didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of the other students. She held his chin for a moment and smiled, slowly releasing him although she was hesitant. She watched as he hugged his father one last time, promising his father that he would write to him should he ever need anything and bidding them farewell until the Christmas holiday.

     She sniffled softly as she watched him get onto the train, watching for a towheaded boy who would stick his hand out the window to wave to them as she had hoped he would. And when he did, a bright smile on his face, she had hoped that maybe everything would be all right. She felt a strong arm wrap around her waist, turning her head to look at Lucius who she could swear was a little bit emotional himself. They were never usually ones for extremely affectionate acts in public, usually keeping all of their affection behind closed doors, though the affection was very strong and passionate. But in moments like this, when it was matters of family and when she couldn’t really help herself, she wouldn’t complain. She leaned into the strong arm around her and smiled softly, bittersweet almost.

     “It’ll be all right, Cissa," Lucius promised, turning his head to kiss her temple before looking back at the train. “He’ll be back for Christmas, and then you’ll miss the quiet,“ he said with a smile.

     She smiled in return and turned to look at him, shaking her head. She knew that she would enjoy having her husband to herself for a few months, free reign of the house without having to worry about what Draco may see or hear, some time to experience each other alone in a way that they never got before because their love hadn’t blossomed until after they had become parents. It would be a nice thing to experience. But she knew that she would often miss the sound of her son’s quick and footsteps across the hardwood floors, that the halls without his laughter would never be the same, that only seeing one of her boys at the breakfast table would be heartbreaking. 

     “No, not really. I don’t think I’ll ever miss the quiet…I’ll be too busy missing him,“ she said, her eyes closing as her husband pressed another kiss to her temple as the train began to move.

[letterboxd]

How I Letterboxd #6: Sean Boelman.

Talking 2020 movie trends, the year’s best documentaries, and Elijah Wood’s death-stare with peach emoji lobbyist Sean Boelman.

“Honestly, there’s not much I like to do other than watch movies or go to theme parks, and one of those things wasn’t an option for months.”

In a year like no other for the movie business, it’s still possible to see hundreds of new films if you have the right connections. For professional critics, the downside of missing the in-person festival buzz and tent-pole previews is somewhat offset by the upside of being able to pace out your screenings in the comfort of your own home.

Wondering who might possibly hold the title of “the Letterboxd member who has watched the most new releases so far this year”, we poked around in the server room and found Sean Boelman, who has logged well over 400 films from 2020 in his diary. So far this year, Sean (20) has covered the Sundance, SXSW, Tribeca, Florida and Fantasia Film Festivals; he also reviews films via screeners sent through from PR firms. Sean hails from Orlando, Florida, and is the founder of movie review platform disappointment media, which he created to promote a wider range of voices in film criticism.

Park So-dam and peach in ‘Parasite’ (2019), directed by Bong Joon-ho.

How long ago did you join Letterboxd? I joined Letterboxd back in 2015. I attended a film class that summer and the teaching assistant had an account and encouraged all of us to create our own. I’ve been using the app religiously ever since.

You’re our youngest ‘How I Letterboxd’ participant to date. How would you describe your experience on Letterboxd as a teenager? When I was in high school, I was one of the earliest adopters of the app, so I told all of my friends about it and suggested that they use it too. By the time I got to college, it was already in the mainstream within the film community, so I was just the guy with the most extensive account. I love how Letterboxd is a community for film fans to talk about films we love, and with the exception of a few trolls every once in a while, it’s really conducive to good discussions.

Which features have you found the most useful? I’m definitely an obsessive logger. The diary feature is without a doubt my favorite part of the app. I started logging in June 2015 and have logged every feature-length film (and some shorts) I’ve watched since. I made the decision not to retroactively mark everything I’ve seen in my life as watched, because that would be too monumental a task. I also find Letterboxd particularly useful during a festival. It’s interesting to see the buzz about what movies people do and don’t like so that I can adjust my schedule accordingly.

And what’s a feature you wish Letterboxd had? I really loved when you guys changed the stars to flames for Portrait of a Lady on Fire. It would be awesome if you started doing that more regularly for releases that get a sizeable following. Like, give Parasite peaches.

Ivana Baquero and Doug Jones in ‘Pan’s Labyrinth’ (2006), directed by Guillermo del Toro.

What film kicked off your passion for cinema, and specifically, which films or community of film fans motivated you to watch as many films as you can find for the current year? I’ve loved cinema for as long as I can remember, but the film that I credit with really birthing my love for film as art is Pan’s Labyrinth. When I saw that in theaters at the—probably too young—age of six, I felt like [Guillermo] del Toro transported me into Ofelia’s world, and I then realized what magical capabilities the medium of film has.

As for why I’m motivated to watch so many new releases, I have a bit of an issue with saying no, haha. As a film critic, I’m inundated with requests to review movies, from major studio releases to B-movies most people have never heard of. I’ve done my fair share of adding titles to TMDb. I end up reviewing anywhere from ten to twenty new releases a week, depending on the season.

You’re a film critic, but you only post short summaries on Letterboxd instead of your full reviews. Why share only brief thoughts? Much of this boils down to the fact that when I watch something, it’s still under embargo for full reviews, so I can only log it in my Letterboxd diary and leave a little blurb. I also find that there isn’t as much room for humor in my full reviews, so I like using this platform to get my jokes out.

So, as of writing, you’ve ranked 457 films from 2020. What percentage of your total films seen are from these new ‘Roaring Twenties’? Out of the films I’ve logged on Letterboxd, it seems like about ten percent are listed on Letterboxd as movies from 2020. The actual percentage would be quite a bit lower than that, though, since my Letterboxd doesn’t include anything I watched prior to June 2015.

Before Covid-19 shutdowns, how many of these films did you have the opportunity to see in theaters? Which were your most memorable theatrical experiences of the year? In 2020, I was able to see 29 films in theaters, either paid or in a theatrical press screening, before they shut down. I’ve also gotten to see some since the shutdown in drive-ins or from the Florida Film Festival holding socially distanced, in-person screenings. But I definitely went through a bit of theater withdrawal. I missed the smell of popcorn dearly.

For my favorite theatrical experiences in 2020, seeing The Invisible Man on opening night with a packed crowd was definitely a hoot. I was sad at first to have missed the press screening, but like most great horror movies, it was awesome to see it with an audience and hear them gasp in surprise in the action sequences. Another one was getting to see Weathering with You in 4DX. Normally you wouldn’t think of that as a big, spectacle-driven 4DX movie, but it was super-immersive in all of the Sunshine Girl scenes.

And I have some awesome memories from SXSW 2019. At the world premiere of Us, I was pushed into Elisabeth Moss. I once got a death stare from Elijah Wood who seemed to think I was going to approach him. Don’t get me wrong, I love his work—but I wasn’t going to because of etiquette. I watched Long Shot with one of the world’s leading geneticists and then got to see Boyz II Men perform live. And I laughed hysterically when Robert Patrick said in a Q&A that even he didn’t understand the movie he was in. It’s a fun time. I definitely encourage any cinephiles to attend an in-person festival when things get back to normal.

You have more than seventy films in your 2020 list with five or four and a half stars. Would you describe yourself as a generous rater? I was definitely a lot more generous when I started my Letterboxd than I am now. I’m sure if I rewatched some of those films I logged in 2015 and 2016, they’d get a lower rating today. But I really don’t mind it. I don’t see my purpose as a critic as to tear apart the filmmaker’s art—I want to appreciate it. Maybe I’m a little liberal with my five-star rating, but what can I say? Gosh, I love movies. And for me, a five-star rating doesn’t mean perfect, it means great. I don’t think there’s such thing as a perfect film. A five-star [rating] from me means that it connected with me in an extraordinary way. I reserve the ‘like’ for films that set themselves apart from the rest of the five stars by some virtue. If I give it a five and a like, now that’s something you should definitely not miss.

Tunde Adebimpe in ‘She Dies Tomorrow’ (2020), directed by Amy Seimetz.

Your best film of 2020 so far is Amy Seimetz’s She Dies Tomorrow—it’s also your number three of all time. What resonated so strongly with you about the film? Are you surprised about its divisive reaction? I absolutely adore She Dies Tomorrow. I’ve really admired Amy Seimetz’s work as an actress for a long time, and her work behind the camera on this blew me away. I haven’t seen Sun Don’t Shine yet, but it’s on the top of my list. It connected with me because it really captured some of the anxieties I’ve been going through recently. She obviously didn’t set out to make the definitive Covid film, but that’s what it ended up being. And of course, how could you not love that film’s extraordinary use of color. It looks magnificent. But I’m not at all surprised at how divisive it is. It has a very segmented and unorthodox narrative, and not everyone is a fan of that type of structure. I understand why it hasn’t worked as well for some people.

What are the other most overlooked films of 2020 so far? In terms of overlooked 2020 films, I think the big one is the Russell Simmons exposé On the Record. I think that Kirby Dick and Amy Ziering’s The Hunting Ground is one of the most harrowing documentaries I have ever seen in my life, and On the Record combines a lot of that relevance while also offering a really compelling look at the life of a powerful woman in the music industry. It’s great, and only about one thousand members have logged it on Letterboxd. Watch it on HBO Max!

There are a lot of great movies released in 2020 that are widely available and [fewer than] 5,000 people having logged them on Letterboxd. A White, White Day is a great little revenge thriller from Iceland. But what makes it stand out from the genre is that it’s a lot more understated and character-driven than most. It has similar vibes to You Were Never Really Here, but perhaps even quieter. Maria von Hausswolff’s cinematography is absolutely breathtaking, and Ingvar Sigurðsson gives one of my favorite performances of the year. It’s just a gorgeous film.

Hlynur Pálmason’s Icelandic revenge thriller ‘A White, White Day’(2019).

The Painted Bird is a bit harder to recommend because it is by no means fun, but it’s one of those that you have to watch once and will never want to see again. I described it as “auteur shock cinema”. It’s a three-hour-long Holocaust drama that’s bleak and filled with torture, but it’s powerful, heartbreaking and harrowing. It also features great performances all around, especially from child actor Peta Kotlár.

I think Michael Winterbottom is one of the best directors working right now and I’ve always loved what he did with the Coogan-Brydon combo in his The Trip series, and this year’s entry, The Trip to Greece, is probably the best one yet. Over the course of the decade the series has spanned, Coogan and Brydon have changed a lot, and this series—in which they play themselves—has adapted to reflect that. This one’s a lot more heartfelt, but still features plenty of great impressions and tantalizing food shots. This really is one of my favorite film series of all time, so you should check all four out! Some other overlooked films I can think of are Jasper Mall, Aviva and Sword of God.

Which 2020 films would you say are the most overrated? Any absolute must-avoids? This is going to be a really hot take, but there was a trifecta of homebound horror flicks that came out in July—Relic, The Rental and Amulet—and I didn’t care for any of them. I think all the directors are talented and show a lot of potential, especially Natalie Erika James, but I wasn’t a fan of any of the films. As for ones to avoid, I try not to call out bad movies unless there’s a reason to [do so], and there are only two of those this year: Coffee & Kareem and Elvis from Outer Space. Coffee & Kareem is just offensive, and Elvis from Outer Space tries to be so-bad-it’s-funny and falls flat.

Jahi Di’Allo Winston in ‘Charm City Kings’ (2020), directed by Ángel Manuel Soto.

What films that you’ve been fortunate to preview via screeners or film festivals are you certain will be a big deal once they’re available on general release? Ugh, there are some I wish I could talk about but I’m still under embargo! So I’ll have to talk mostly about festival ones. Alice Gu’s The Donut King is wonderful. It was supposed to debut at SXSW, but obviously that got cancelled. On one hand, it is a food doc about donuts—who doesn’t love donuts?—but it’s also a moving story about the immigrant experience. It scored distribution from Greenwich and should be released soon. Charm City Kings is great, and HBO Max picked that up to be released sometime this year. That’s a really awesome coming-of-age movie with a story by Barry Jenkins. And I saw a work-in-progress cut of this indie called Millennium Bugs made by an up-and-comer named Alejandro Montoya Marín. He was part of the Robert Rodriguez show Rebel Without a Crew. It’s a great little movie about Y2K and the Latinx experience that will be debuting online at Dances with Films and is looking for a distributor after that.

Fill in the blank: “2020 is a great year for ____ in film”. What patterns have you noticed? I really think that 2020 is a great year for documentaries. We thought 2018 was a great year with Won’t You Be My Neighbor?, Free Solo, RBG and Three Identical Strangers, among others, but this year is shaping up to be even better. Boys State, The Donut King, On the Record, Rebuilding Paradise, Dark City Beneath the Beat, A Secret Love and Disclosure are all excellent, and that’s just scratching the surface.

I think what makes these documentaries stand out is their ability to make the viewer feel connected to their story. I love documentaries that take a story you might not have otherwise heard of and tell it in a way that feels intensely personal. By taking these stories like the problems inherent in American democracy, the immigrant experience, the California wildfires, the #MeToo movement, and issues with trans representation on screen and telling them in a way that people can relate to them even if they can’t personally identify with their subjects, these documentary filmmakers are making the world a more compassionate place.

What films are you most looking forward to that are scheduled to release in 2020? Any awards season predictions you feel strongly about? In terms of mainstream releases, I’m most excited for No Time to Die, unless it gets pushed to 2021 like some have rumored. I’m a huge Cary Joji Fukunaga fan, so I’m excited to see what he does with the franchise. For indies, I’m really looking forward to seeing Promising Young Woman, The Green Knight, Save Yourselves!, Nomadland and Another Round.

For awards seasons predictions, there are a few I’m pretty confident about based on what I’ve seen. Boys State is an early frontrunner for Best Documentary. I think Eliza Hittman will get some love for Never Rarely Sometimes Always. Dev Patel is a pretty good bet for a Best Actor nod for The Personal History of David Copperfield, even though the movie itself probably won’t get much more love. And there’s an upcoming Netflix movie that has a screenplay nomination in the bag, and maybe a couple other categories too, but shhhh, I’m under embargo on that one so I can’t say more.

Dev Patel in ‘The Personal History of David Copperfield’ (2019), directed by Armando Iannucci.

You keep thorough distributor rankings as well as year and franchise lists—how would you sum up the way each of these recently formed companies inspires you? Obviously A24 and NEON have amassed a pretty big cult following, and for good reason. There’s a particular identity their films have, despite the differences in genre, and I enjoy ranking them because of that. For the streamers, their films are a little more diverse, but I use my lists as a way for people to discover some of my favorite films they can watch at the click of a button. And for Blumhouse, it’s just because I absolutely adore the work Jason Blum does in supporting filmmakers’ voices. I’m usually pretty cool-headed around celebrities because interacting with high-profile people is a part of our job as critics, but I admittedly froze when I met him at SXSW since I’m such a big fan of his. I’ve always said that once I score an interview with him, I can “retire” as a critic, haha.

You’re of Guatemalan descent. Which films do you best relate with your Latino heritage? Of course, Pan’s Labyrinth is a big deal for me given the fact that it was a formative film in my life. [Alejandro] Jodorowsky’s The Holy Mountain is one of my favorite Latino classics. El Mariachi is great because Robert Rodriguez is the epitome of Latino DIY filmmaking and has always been such an inspiring figure. I got to interview him last year for Alita: Battle Angel, and it was an awesome experience. And in terms of more recent films, I think the Netflix doc Mucho Mucho Amor really captures the importance of community amongst Latinos.

What films are highest on your list of shame? I will say that I’ve seen more classics than I have logged on Letterboxd, but there are still a few embarrassing gaps on my list. I love the work I’ve seen from Akira Kurosawa, Brian De Palma, Agnès Varda and Chantal Akerman, and I really want to finish up their filmographies. Probably the most shameful omission I have is the fact that I’ve never seen a film by Ingmar Bergman. I’ve been lightening my workload for my site a bit, so I’m hoping to catch up on some of those soon.

Who are three Letterboxd members you recommend we follow? My friend Camden Ferrell who co-founded disappointment media with me. He’s also very passionate about film and does a lot of reviews for the site. Another one of our contributors is Sarah, who came on to the team during Sundance this year. She’s great and basically started the Portrait of a Lady on Fire fandom. I also want to give a shout-out to Jon Berk who was actually the critic to challenge me to start a blog back in 2016 when he was doing the Doug Loves Movies challenge, and now I’ve gotten to where I significantly outpace him, haha.

Sean’s site accepts story pitches from, and offers constructive feedback to, aspiring writers from under-represented and minority groups. Email Sean to find out more. Check out these 2020 rankings from Letterboxd members who have watched more than 100 releases this year: Orlan Harris, Austin Burke, Jerome, Joey Magidson, Kevin Yang, Jack, Jordan Raup, Matt Neglia, Weather Boy, Julian D, Johann Rucker, Mikey Brzezinkski, Ewan Graf, Denis Eremeev, Aaron King.