#i love her so much but this is what ive fallen in love with initially

[tonydaddingham]

orwellian's a great word for it actually. "appropriate raiments will be provided" is the most disturbing thing in the whole series and i stand by that. this interpretation of heaven has definitely coloured my reading of the show especially how i see the fall so it's cool to see someone who agrees!

hard agree that pure coercion would be a total cop out. it's just that he does seem nervous so i do think he's aware of a certain degree of potential danger. i initially thought the metatron must have let slip an implication somewhere but i much prefer your idea that he suspected something. and well. i've been saying basically since season 2 came out that accepting the offer doesn't equal having completely fallen for it. will come back to that in my thoughts on the whole mess that was that domestic.

the blanket permission to come scream at you is greatly appreciated and i'll definitely make use of it; i love this kind of media dissection and speculation. ���

(p.s. i did indeed end up making the chekov's list since my ocd never can leave well enough alone lol. brace yourself: incoming!)

hihi again, 🦭 anon!!!✨

yes!!! in the context of 1984, especially, that line really is ominous; obviously there is a fine line between a corporate uniform and dictated dress, especially as the only scene where we see all of the angels look the same (iirc) is the waiting platoon in s1. otherwise, all of the angels do have individual dress/style (but similar enough to show belonging), even in the job scene, even if certain elements of their designs indicate shared rank or moral alignment... but the implication of subjugation made by clothes being specifically chosen for the prospective mind-wiped gabriel is... interesting.

and of course - aziraphale's outfit is very different to that of the other angels, in it being actual human clothing, and showing unashamed signs of wear and comfort. i remarked in a post that in job especially, his jobes (job robes) are very similar in aesthetic to that of michael and gabriel compared to say muriel's. could be that it's the appropriate dress of a principality rank, but im not... wholly convinced.

anyway, let's get on with your list!!! a herculean effort, truly!!! hope you don't mind, but a) ive copied and pasted it under the cut, because b) id love to use it as a checklist for myself (and of course if anyone else does!) re: things ive talked about, or indeed things that i have Thoughts on... or even things that i haven't thought to talk about and will probably look into doing so in the future!!!✨✨

episode 1:

starting with the big one there's the pre-fall sequence. the fall itself. talked a lot about these two things/the whole theme in general, found under the #the fall/the great war spec tag

maggie's spelling under the #we need to talk about maggie theory tag - babygirl is an angel, im convinced of it

"what's the point of it all" i mean, kinda talked about this in connection with stuff under the #god is dead theory tag, and in a couple of different asks; mainly that god doesn't give two hoots about any of it, and just wanted to give everyone and everything free will - and they have to work out the consequences for themselves (whilst she throws in a few chaotic sprinkles to keep things interesting)

shax's insider information about heaven ive definitely not discussed shax at all really, and i definitely have a few things id like to work out... main one being, for me, how she went from wondering where aziraphale was in ep3, to suddenly knowing how to exactly triangulate his position in ep4 finally talked about her in the #shax meta tag!!!

the demons being on half rations didn't really think to look at this!!! that could be interesting, especially with the short-staffed comment... someone did put to me that bc the apocalypse failed, everyone on earth continues dying and adding to the population of the Damned, so the work vs demon ration is steadily getting outweighed... but hm, could be something more than that!

"something terrible" because are we sure we're sure that that was about the stuff we've already seen you know, i wondered this too after ep6!!! it was a very interesting choice of words for me, bc whilst yes gabriel's fate was looking pretty shit, the line was almost a bit... well, over-announced? they kept repeating it? like, gabriel said he had to bring the box to aziraphale/the bookshop otherwise something terrible would happen... but why specifically the shop? is it just because aziraphale is the only angel/sanctuary on earth? is it because he was drawn to an angel that's also fallen for a demon? is it because aziraphale is simply kind? i don't trust that it's any of these explanations at all (or maybe all of them and another besides)... and tbh i think god has something to do with it. another speculation for the to-do list!!!

the book of life this one ive remarked on a fair bit under the #book of life theory tag, but it's fairly disjointed from other bits and pieces - tbh i probably need to do a long post at some point as to where all my theories etc join up... bc for the moment all of them are full of loopholes

michael and uriel's power politics oooooh i literally don't have a single scooby on this... id have to think on this a little more

the very highlighted matchbox quote this one ive had sat in the drafts for ages bc i can't quite parse it out - where does leviathan come into it? is it a reference to crowley-as-aziraphale spitting fire during the execution? why would it be on a matchbox of a bloody pub? is it a clue from god? is god linked to jim/gabriel somehow? gahd this one is still giving me a headache kinda? wrote about this - here, no tag for this specifically - and im still not fully satisfied that is the meaning of the matchbox but i think (hope) it might be somewhere near the mark?

1650 i speculated (or, well, dreamt up a hc) as to what this potential flashback could entail in a LWA response somewhere - in any case, give me the boys in cromwellian england and give it to me Now

the 25 lazarii miracle my batshit theory (and yet it makes complete sense to me, i stand by it) is in my #25 lazarii theory tag

episode 2:

heaven and hell working together as a single good cop bad cop system this is similarly stagnating in my drafts at the moment!!! but it's a bit of a mindbender for me bc it means i need to pick apart what everything thinks the job/satan bet was actually about... basically, i think it all comes back to understanding god's will - and all of them (yes, even crowley) have it wrong because imo god is completely amoral and is just the strongest advocate for free will... weirdly, i think the person that had the most right of it was gabriel.

"forces them under an awning together" god i hope this happens in s3... i mean there's no way it won't, right? and so many juicy possibilities (for my money itll be the bandstand, but equally would love, like, the stoop of the bookshop, and then have it mirrored again under like the porch of the south downs cottage) 🥺

gabriel's eyes glowing statements this tbh harks back to what i posted under the #25 lazarii theory tag - definitely something weird going on, and i have a gut feeling the boys accidentally made it even worse lmao

tricking heaven with a sleight of hand this is also going to require a bit more thought!!!

episode 3:

aziraphale's chekhov's diaries see im not sure how important i truly think theyre going to be, but if we go by the prominent influence of the crow road, it definitely has to be a s3 plot device, right? the only thing im scared of is that aziraphale's memory gets wiped, or he goes missing, and the books are key to getting back his memory/finding him... hmmm

crowley's consciousness extending into the bentley i think the crank is certainly important, even if just symbolic of his power - uses it to create nebulae, it survived the s1 explosion, etc. i do think bentley has its own kind of personality, but think it's borne out of proximity, use, and influence of her demon owner... obviously i could be entirely wrong, but i kinda hope it's more that he made her, and her allegiance as a sentient being is with him (and of course aziraphale by extension), mainly bc i want something to look after crowley... but then is it more poetic that the bentley is basically just him, and representative of him finding comfort in himself? idk tbh but she's a bad bitch and i love her

general resurrection themes ive talked a fair bit about the second coming aspect, but not about the resurrection and last judgement so much, so this is one for the list

gabriel's glowing eyes statements part 2 as above (and i realise that you might be talking about what he specifically says, not the general thing itself, 🦭 anon, but in a way what is being said is fairly self-explanatory imo, but why is the heftier question)

shax can sense gabriel in a way the archangels couldn't i personally don't think there's much by way of implication in the method in which she senses him (ie... smell? vs michael's weird sixth sense), but i do think there is something about the fact they can sense him at all... talked about in #25 lazarii spec and the #shax meta tag!!!

"it's always too late" oh god 💀 i had the most batshit theory about this that i don't even want to talk about BUT im with you that it's... an odd line. i love that it potentially references line in the book about crowley's watch being set to hell's time, which is set at "too late", but beyond that... not entirely sure why the line was said or said so... blatantly? feels like something obvious would explain it

rumours that aziraphale and crowley were an item that so far don't seem justified based on what hell knew. rumours that apparently had no major consequences for crowley despite one harmless photo warranting a legion to collect him [screams at 1941 truther sign] yeah this is how it read to me too, 🦭! something definitely happened after that dinner, and im not saying a move was made (and potentially witnessed by a couple of errant nazi zombies) but i think a move was made (and witnessed by a couple of errant nazi zombies) - #1941 spec tag

the literal chekhov's gun in the bookshop this one has flummoxed me, but i did read a speculation about continuing the 1941 flashback today, which was utter genius (and so much better than what i managed to dream up in the above tag), and suggested the derringer will make an appearance in a fight-ish scenario in that scene... which is frankly bloody inspired tbh, and im very much convinced by

the miracle blocker oooooh i don't have a dedicated tag for this but i definitely talked about it in a post under the #sanctuary/bentley theory tag!!! i think it was potentially a chekhov's gun that we didn't see get fired

sleight hand to trick hell probably one to look at in hand with the one above about tricking heaven

the zombies just running around london kinda as i said above tbh, not sure what'll happen to them afterwards but presumably a grisly end being eaten and pooped out by a spider

1941 full stop. we have not seen the last of that night. goddamn right we havent [skips around the 1941 truther sign]

episode 5:

the lack of demons available for the attack pretty much what i said above in ep1 about being short staffed bc the Damned population keeps increasing... maybe? still one to look at in more detail though!!!

"i know. do it anyway" "i know. looking at where the furniture isn't" not necessarily in reference to these quotes specifically, but in the general context - discussed this (and potential crowley memory loss) in the #the fall/the great war spec and #book of life theory tags

"if it happens twice it might seem like an institutional problem" oh. OH. THIRD EYE HAS OPENED. because we know two things, right? gabriel didnt fall/wasnt intended to, so the 'happens twice' isn't realised. and heaven does have an institutional problem, practically embodies the term. so if this is foreshadowing. does aziraphale fall. oh no. Oh No (ive sort of discussed this in #scapegoat theory tag but that was strictly pre-eden context...) this however has actually just made me realise that this is a chekhov's gun literally pointed at aziraphale's head... shitshitshitshitshjthka

mrs cheng's weird look across the street see this is on my list but waaaay down it. think she could be a demon. will work on it at some point edit: talked a little bit about this in the #shax meta tag, but possibly needs a dedicated post, idk

nina and maggie's semi immunity to miracles so the bit where aziraphale can't miracle them? that to me is potentially the same explanation as the miracle blocker post (like it all connects). maggie is more immune than normal to the ball miracle? see #we need to talk about maggie theory tag. as for nina... im still not sure on. idk if she's a demon (which for me is a Thought if we consider that hell are short-staffed; she could be one of Many) but it feels a little on the nose... one for the list edit: talked a little bit about nina in the #shax meta tag, but definitely needs a separate post at some point

shax saying the shop isn't an embassy anymore but the demons still unable to get in i didn't think of it from this angle, but i think my theory still stands - under the #sanctuary/bentley theory tag

nina and maggie's immunity to miracles part 2 oh oops - see above

episode 6:

maggie being able to invite the demons into the shop i think she's an angeeeeeeellllll (see #we need to talk about maggie tag)

the speed at which the portal opens and it's potential as a means of spying my latest galaxy brain moment (i hope) - #sanctuary/bentley theory tag

haloes and the potential consequences of blowing them up this one is in the #halo theory tag

crowley opening the files not quite sure what you mean by this one, 🦭!!! do you mean about his rank? definitely tried parsing this particular headscratcher in the #AWCW spec tag

heaven was trying to restart armageddon in a way that seems awfully unofficial oooooohhh.... haven't looked at it this way, but definitely will be!!! might link in with #god is dead theory stuff, but will need more exploring!!!

saraqael having their own agenda honestly saraqael is my newest bad bitch (gn) and if my #saraqael spec is even halfway true, im going to explode i love them

"i'm the only first order archangel in the universe" *camera cuts to crowley* kinda talk about this in the #AWCW spec tag but since neil cremated the lucifer theory (rip) ive kinda left this aspect alone... tbh i don't think he was as important as he's set out to have been

"i'm the only first order archangel in the universe" full stop. statement's plenty suspicious on its own too. this is....... potentially very intriguing

memory wiping as just a thing heaven does when someone disobeys i need to reconcile #book of life theory with this tbh - like, the focus on memory is so strong in s2 that i strongly believe it has connection to falling... at which point, where does gabriel demotion/mem wipe punishment fit in? and where does saraqael fit in, too?

muriel having the same kind of position gabriel was going to be demoted to vaguely looked at this in #book of life theory tag posts i think, especially in reference to how their potential punishments (in muriel's case) mirror each other

heaven and hell are technically at war now. its not like anyone with authority actually called it off danced around this in the #halo theory tag, in reference to aziraphale declaring this new war, and yet they've been at war for a long time? yes the reflection of it being a cold war but still... interesting to think about especially when framed like this

it's possible to remove your essence and store it elsewhere definitely need to explore the possibilities and implications of this at some point, but the suggestion i made in the #25 lazarii theory post somewhat starts to look at this

hell is understaffed as already mentioned above

the shax furfur alliance not quite sure what to think about this, and whether it necessarily means anything more than it's put across (ie just that they are the danger duo of hell in s3?) idk tbh i just need to look at them both as individual characters a bit more first #shax meta tag!!!

the many strange things that could indicate something going on in the last fifteen minutes god.... just anything in the #feral domestic/final fifteen meta tag tbh

"does anyone ever ask for death" idk whether or not to take this as meaning anything deeper than metatron just idly thinking "hmmm aziraphale could refuse my coffee, refuse a chat... at which point ill probably need to destroy him etc. hey, i wonder if anyone - instead of coffee - has ever actually asked for death? funny name for a coffee shop"... and possibly a double meaning meant by Nina saying 'everything else was taken'?

saraqael being the only one other than crowley who recognises the metatron and their reaction well theres my school of thought that saraqael is potentially closer to metatron that we maybe thought (#saraqael spec tag), but then again - and this exact sentence just reminded me - i think in this particular instance, both saraqael and crowley have just come fresh from watching the trial, so that's why they both remember metatron... which begs the question of what happened between the trial and the final fifteen to make them forget? hmmm

almond syrup imo, #omelas theory

the possible miracle chime ehhhh i know i wrote about this but im still like 50/50 on it... but it fits my theory (in the #feral domestic/final fifteen tag) so im rolling with it - i think there might be a chime and i think it might be a failed miracle to change the coffee

the metatron and crowley seeming to have some kind of history lmao anything in #metatron spec or indeed #the fall/the great war spec tags tbh

aziraphale's peculiar mannerisms im getting so lazy with these responses now 🦭 anon im so sorry, but again recently speculated in the #feral domestic/final fifteen meta tag

the way the conversation between aziraphale and the metatron is only reported and very strangely transitioned in and out of as above

the nothing to see here shooting of the kiss this one...

i know ng said it was a continuity error but. the time skip on the clocks ...and this one ive looked at in the #time-stop theory tag, and im the same - not trusting continuity error on this... not just yet

the something's up vibes of metatron. the general scheming and manipulativeness. the framing as the wizard of oz. the colour scheme and the dice on his tie. the sigh of relief in the elevator lol #metatron spec

the credits scene i haven't really gone into this in any detail and tbh idk if it needs it - i think it's pretty reflective of some stuff ive talked about in the #aziraphale meta and the #feral domestic/final fifteen meta tags

plus special mention: not technically in the episode but the distinctly ominous madonna/crucifixion promo photos aaaaaaaand this one is in the #mary/pieta spec tag

again 🦭 anon im really sorry it got a little lazy towards the end!!! but im very, very grateful that you put this all in a list, because ive definitely got some stuff in mind that id like to parse out!!! and as ever - more than happy to scream about things so pop on back if you feel the need to scream with me!!!✨

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

auggggggh ive been wanting to make this post for an eternity but i havent been able to because I keep trying to explain myself WELL guess what. Im giving up, heres the song Wenn ich tanzen will from Elisabeth: das Musical with english translations, does it not make you think of what if Feysand was interesting

If you dont wanna watch the whole thing for some reason, I'd like to highlight this part

Fly!

I'll fly alone!

I alone want to accompany you through night and storm

I don't want to be accompanied anymore

Not even by you — I won't let myself be led

You're free only through me

Only through me

Only for me

For me!

For you shall make the way for me

I'm going my own way now

I've seperated myself from you — Leave me alone!

You've fallen in love with me

Because there's no freedom without me

And no one can understand you except for me!

Oh and also this part (theyre kinda singing over each other at this point)

I'm strong enough on my own!

You were only strong as long as you still thought that you were weak

I'm not calling for you!

You will call for me!

I'm not seeking you out!

You will seek me out!

I'm beginning to love my life!

Soon you will hate it!

Okay, I actually lied at the start of this post, I am gonna try to explain myself. My ideal not-boring version of Feysand that I think of when I listen to this song is like. Okay so, the structure of the story is fundamentally the same (except it takes place over a wayyyy longer timespan) with Feyre initially just kinda going about her new life as a traumatized fae and Rhysand coming to pick her up once a month, which ends up helping her because the SC manorhouse is kind of just covered in a bunch of depressing ooze rn (figuratively) and she cant really leave and Rhysand is basically giving her an excuse to hang out in a place without ooze, so its easier for her to have a good time. Rhysand is kinda awkward around her initially because hes basically like "ohhhhhh shit oh fuck, the woman that I tortured UTM as a fucked up way of coping with what Amarantha was doing to is my soulmate!!" because i really hate the fact that Rhysand apparently already knew about her and dreamt about her before she was even fae, it shouldve snapped in place for both of them during that little scene at the end of ACOTAR but Feyre has no concept of how a mating bond is supposed to feel like so shes just kinda like "huh, that felt kinda weird. anyway"

(this inexplicably got very long. like, 6 more paragraphs long. so much for me not explaining myself)

So yeah, Rhysand is hardcore struggling trying to figure out how to win her over despite all of the torture, but fortunately for him all she wants is to be left alone, so he does that, no putting her in unecessary danger and no asking insane favors of her even though theyve only been hanging out for like two weeks. Idrk how, but at some point they would start to get closer, this all happens very slowly, its a true slow-burn. And then one day Tamlin is like "I cant stand it, I need to find a way to break this bargain" so he collects a bunch of guys and he tells Feyre that theyre gonna go out and travel through all of Prythian and maybe even beyond in order to find a way to do it and itll probably take them atleast a few months. And then when Feyre says she wants to come along because this is about her after all, hes like "no, its dangerous and also, if Im gone then the Spring Court is gonna needs its Lady" and then he puts the shield around the manor because yeah, Im keeping Tamlin shitty in this one, sorry. This is about me trying to make Feysand good but trying to figure that out with Tamlin being in-character is too complicated for me rn so Im just gonna stick to the character assassination (thats something SJM probably also said while writing ACOMAF)

So yeah, like in canon, Mor gets her outta there and then Feyre starts permanently staying the night court except shes not going out on political errands because of the war with Hybern because honestly, this whole war plot is so stupid and it feels so unecessary like cmon Sarah girlie, I can tell youre not actually interested in writing politics, just stick to the romance and the healing journey. Anyway, during her stay she inadvertantly starts spending more time with Rhysand and realizing that he suffered too and that hes only human or fae or something like that, which helps her deal with her UTM trauma because she kinda thought of him as the embodiment of all her new trauma, so seeing that hes really not that and that hes just a person that she can make peace with helps her

Rhys is falling head over heels for Feyre because she just reminds him SO much of Cassian while Feyre is kinda conflicted but starting to develop some affection for him, and again, this happens over the course of many many months instead of just two. And after all that time, Feyre is starting feel pretty good and she doesnt really wanna go back to the spring court if shes totally honest with herself and then oops, Tamlin's back! He finds her and hes super worried like "oh my cauldron, feyre, my servants told me he just kidnapped you and they couldnt find a way to free you!! but Im here now and Im taking you back home dont worry" and Feyre feels guilty and shes basically like "yeahhhhh this was totally necessary, I definitely wanna go back... home, its just that he exploited this loophole in the bargain so had to stay here. Totally against my will, oh no it was so bad" and Tamlin tells her not to worry, theyve found a way to break they just need to get back to the spring court so they do that

At the Spring Court, Feyre gets to thinking. She thinks shes basically completely defeated her trauma by hanging out with Rhysand and shes like "well, my trauma was pretty much the main thing that made mine and Tamlins relationship not work, so now that my trauma is gone its gonna be all smooth sailing from here" and she just willfully ignores the fact that his way of coping with his UTM trauma was suffocating her and making it impossible to deal with her own issues and when she pointed it out to him he had a panic attack about it. Also, at this point it kinda hits her that shes been spending all this time with Tamlins enemy and feeling this affection for him that she hasnt really felt for Tamlin ever since theyve been back from UTM and their relationship started getting really bad, so now she feels very guilty and wants to rush into a marriage with him after all. Also, maybe by this point shes revovered enough to take a step back and start focusing on her surroundings again instead of just herself, and she realises that the people of the Spring Court would really need this kind of big celebration after this long time of turmoil and suffering, so maybe that plays into her decision to marry Tamlin as well idk

Meanwhile, Rhysand is back at the night court absolutely CONVINCED that Feyre is gonna come back to him even without the bargain or atleast send him a message or something, because of the mating bond and because by this point he thinks that Feyre loves him back, she just hasnt said it because Tamlin interrupted them or whatever. Yknow, because Feyre stopped throwing shoes at him and started to tolerate his presence somewhat, which are obviously the surefire signs that someone is in love with you. But anyway, Feyre never does get back to him because shes busy with her wedding and also trying very hard not think about either Rhysand or Tamlin too much so she doesnt simply run out into the forest to avoid dealing with all this bullshit

So yeah, Rhysand finds out about Feyre marrying Tamlin and he gets very upset and so he winnows to the Spring Court on the day of the wedding. Feyre has just been dressed up in this gorgeous pastel pink and green pantssuit (thats very important for the story) and now Ianthe is leaving her alone for a bit before the grand wedding ceremony. At this point Rhysand comes in and they have a confrontation thats basically just the song except in dialogue-form, remember when this post was about a song I really like, yeah me neither. During this confrontation I really want Rhysand to bring up the mating bond and kinda throw it in her face and I want Feyre to basically respond "oh, so now the guy who always preached about giving me choices and not letting others decide for me is gonna get on my case for not doing what some god wants from me, gtfo" and thats basically how it ends. Then the next book is the book where Feyre hay to make the choice between Tamlin and Rhysand because its a romance series at the end of the day, so even though I would like the last book to just be Feyre ending up single and going on her own adventures, I recognize that thats not a great ending for a romance series so

I wanna end this off by saying that I was trying to only focus on the romance for this because its easier, if I were to write my ideal acotar sequel it would look different than this even if I used the original acomaf as a base. So yeah, thats it hope you enjoyed my 7am ramblings, I have been awake for three hours already writing this

[justabooknerdposts]

Hey! I think you've been taking prompts recently which made me very happy (if not, then totally fine) I'd love to read one where Percy and Annabeth sleep tgether for the first time in the Poseidon cabin (not in the sexual way, but wud still be a huge moment for them kind) for sm reason, ive always felt Annabeth wud bethre shyer one in this scenario xD also a moment of them in uni as they're maturing and their relationship is getting more serious (cud be in a physical way too?) would be awesome.

I'm lovingg reading all the other prompts, immediately canonizing them in my mind. Hope you're doing grt <3

Hi! Happy Annabeth's Birthday! Here are the responses to the two parts of this prompt. If you go to Fanfiction.net or Ao3 (which is working again, yay!), they're two separate chapters in my Tumblr Prompts fic, if anyone would rather read them that way. Hope everyone is doing well!

In the Poseidon Cabin

I DO really like this prompt because they're so calm in MoA when Frank catches them in the stables that it definitely feels like it’s not the first time they’ve woken up together.  Like, they were kind of embarrassed about getting caught, but neither of them acted at all embarrassed about having fallen asleep together, which I thought was interesting.  So, yay for this prompt and the opportunity to explore that lol thanks!

The guilt was stupid.  Annabeth knew that.  But still, two days after Percy’s disappearance, she couldn’t help mentally beating herself up.  They’d been searching for him night and day with no luck.  She’d hadn’t initially been too worried—he occasionally disappeared for a few hours, or even half a day, on random quests or to help sea creatures.  He’d never been gone this long, though, without alerting someone.  But Sally hadn’t heard anything and neither had anyone else.  There were no leads.  He was really and truly missing.  And, Annabeth had to admit, she hadn’t been holding out much hope.  It was the way his bed looked—the covers weren’t tossed back or rumpled like they normally were when he climbed out.  They were just limp and crumpled, still pulled up as if he’d simply disappeared out from beneath them.  Which meant that something worse than a random small quest was going on.  Annabeth just couldn’t figure out what.  The lack of information was infuriating.  To be honest, that felt better than the guilt, but the guilt kept creeping back.

She should have stayed in the Poseidon cabin that night.

There was no logical reason for her to be feeling this way.  Percy hadn’t asked.  She hadn’t offered.  And it probably wouldn’t have changed anything if she’d been there.  But what if it had? 

That was the thought which kept threatening to drive her crazy, like a pesky gnat she couldn’t swat.  It was possibly tied to her fatal flaw, thinking that she could have prevented whatever this was.  But she couldn’t help it.  She felt as if she had failed Percy at a moment when he needed her.  And that hurt.

After scouring the forest again for any sign of him (there was none) and then checking in with Tyson and Rainbow at the beach to see if there was any update from under the sea (there wasn’t), Annabeth felt herself start to crumble.  And it wouldn’t do any good for the other campers to see her like that.  So, needing a quiet place to get away from everyone for a few minutes, Annabeth went to the Poseidon cabin.

She perched on the edge of Percy’s bed and closed her eyes.  Maybe, if she listened very hard, the room would whisper to her what had happened.

But it didn’t.  She was just there, alone.

Tears burned Annabeth’s eyes.  She took a deep breath, fighting them down, because if she started crying now, she wasn’t sure she would stop.  And that wouldn’t do any good.  Instead, trying to distract herself, she thought of the first time she’d fallen asleep in the Poseidon cabin.

In the four months that she and Percy had been dating, they’d accidentally fallen asleep together a handful of times.  Usually, it was on the couch at Percy’s apartment while watching a movie, and once at her dorm.  But the first time had actually been in the Poseidon cabin, about a week and a half after they’d started dating.  It wasn’t anything scandalous.  They’d just wanted a few minutes away from everyone else.  So they were lying side by side on Percy’s bunk, watching the hippocampi swim across the ceiling.  It had been a long day.  There’d been a very intense post-war Capture the Flag game.  Everyone had seemed eager to throw themselves into a battle that wasn’t actually life or death.  Clarisse, in particular, had been spoiling for a fight.  Annabeth’s shoulder was still aching where she’d taken a hard hit from the daughter of Ares while doing guard duty near the creek.  Of course, Clarisse hadn’t come away unscathed.  Percy had drenched her in a wave of creek water.  While she’d been shouting at him and threatening him with her spear, Malcolm darted across the creek with the flag and the game was over.  Clarisse had been even less happy about that.

“How’s your shoulder?” Percy asked, probably because Annabeth had just winced when she shifted it.

“Sore,” she admitted.  “But I’ve had worse.”

“It was the shoulder where you took that knife, though, wasn’t it?”  Percy’s brow wrinkled with concern.  “That’s a low blow.  Clarisse should have known better.”

Annabeth rolled her eyes.  “Percy, that was almost two weeks ago.  The wound is completely healed.  Plus, you’re assuming Clarisse is observant enough to even realize that.”

He made a face at her, but didn’t argue.

Annabeth slid her fingers along the inside of his arm until she could take his hand.  “Besides, you got her back pretty good.”

Percy grinned.  “Yeah, that was fun.  Reminded me of old times.”

“At least you didn’t get me, too, this time.”  Annabeth nudged him with her good shoulder, remembering one of his first days at camp, when he’d drenched Clarisse and her cronies (and Annabeth) in toilet water.

“My bad.  That was friendly fire.”  Percy turned his head to kiss her cheek and Annabeth felt a flutter run through her.  “Plus, I had literally no control over my powers at that point.  I’m still not actually sure how I made those toilets explode.”

“Maybe you should practice?” Annabeth suggested sweetly.

Percy considered this.  “I could probably hit the Stolls the next time they steal something.”

“I like that idea.”

They both laughed.  Annabeth scooted closer until she could lay her head on Percy’s shoulder.  Golden afternoon sunlight made the bronze hippocampi shimmer against the stone ceiling.  Everything felt warm and calm and peaceful.  Percy squeezed her hand, but didn’t say anything.  Annabeth felt her eyelids getting heavy.  Outside, campers’ voices rose and fell, the usual sounds of talking, shouting, swords clanging from the arena, the climbing wall rumbling.  Inside the cabin, the only sound was the rush of their breathing.  Eventually, they’d both fallen asleep, only waking up when the conch horn had sounded for dinner.  Annabeth had been a bit embarrassed at first, and Percy’s face had been red, but after a few moments, they laughed it off and headed to dinner.  After all, they’d been sleeping beside each other on quests for years.  It wasn’t that different.  Except, Annabeth thought when Percy took her hand as they crossed the green, it also kind of was.

Now, sitting alone in the Poseidon cabin, Annabeth looked up again at the hippocampi, but sunset was nearly past and the cabin was dark, the stone walls reflecting a pale gray light.  There was no wind, so the bronze figurines just hung limply on their strings.  Everything felt darker and dimmer than that memory, which made everything hurt worse.  Annabeth bit her lip, forcing herself not to cry.

The cabin door swung open.  Annabeth jumped.  For one moment, she felt a disbelieving surge of hope, already imagining that it would be Percy in the doorway.  Her heart plummeted, though, when she realized that the figure standing there was Tyson.

“Sorry, Annabeth,” he said.  “I did not mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay,” Annabeth said, trying to hide her disappointment.  “I mean, I’m sorry about being in here.  I didn’t mean to intrude.”

Tyson shrugged.  “It is okay.  I don’t mind.”

“Thanks.”  Annabeth wondered if she should get up, but she couldn’t seem to find the energy.  Plus, it appeared that Tyson really didn’t mind, as he came over and sat down beside her on Percy’s bed.

They were quiet for a few moments. Then Tyson said, “I miss him, too.”

Annabeth crumbled.  She leaned forward, elbows on her knees, and buried her face in her hands as the tears fell.

For a while, they just sat there, tears dripping from Annabeth’s hands onto her jeans as Tyson patted her back.  Finally, though, Tyson said, “We will find him, Annabeth.”

Annabeth couldn’t understand how he could have so much confidence in his voice.  But still, she raised her head enough to look at him.  “Do you think so?”

“Yes,” Tyson said without hesitation.  Annabeth almost believed him.

A gust of sea breeze blew through the open windows and a last glimmer of gold from the sunset broke through, gilding the bronze hippocampi now gently twirling above their heads like weathervanes unsure of which direction to point.

2ND RESPONSE: SOCKS

Set during either their freshman or sophomore year of college.

As she flipped through her textbook and shuffled her notes, Annabeth felt a pounding headache start behind her left eye.  It was nearly midterms and she’d been studying for what felt like hours, sitting cross-legged in the middle of her bed in her New Rome University dorm room.  Her roommate had gone home for the weekend, so Annabeth had the room to herself, which was a rare treat.  And Percy was on his way over with dinner, so that was good news, because on top of developing a headache, she was starving.  She’d skipped lunch to keep studying.  Which was starting to feel like a huge mistake. 

A knock at the door signaled Percy’s arrival.  Annabeth bounced up from the bed.

“Hey.”  She smiled as she opened the door.

“Hey.”  Percy grinned back as he held up the takeout bags from their favorite Mediterranean restaurant.  “Dinner is served.”

“You’re the best.”  Annabeth kissed him, then shut the door behind him as he walked in and kicked off his shoes.

They ate sitting cross-legged on her bed while her laptop, balanced on top of the stack of books on her nightstand, played reruns of a TV sitcom.  Annabeth tried not to groan as she bit into her falafel pita, but it was tough.  She hadn’t realized just how hungry she was until now.

“Oh gods, this is so good.”  She poured more tzatziki sauce over her pita and took another bite.  “Magnus would be so jealous right now.”

Percy laughed, then frowned thoughtfully.  “Wait, can’t he order whatever he wants from that hotel?”

Annabeth shrugged and took another bite of falafel.  “According to him, there’s nothing like falafel from a real Earth restaurant.  Apparently there’s a specific one in Boston that’s the best.”

Percy’s frown deepened, a furrow appearing between his brows as he tapped his index finger against his own pita.  “I bet New York has a place that’s even better.”

“Getting a little competitive there, New Yorker?”  Annabeth nudged his socked foot with her own. 

Percy’s frown melted into a grin.  “New York City over Boston every time, baby.”  He nudged her foot back, then took another bite of his own food.  She returned his smile, even as she shook her head.

Suddenly, for no obvious reason, the easy intimacy of the moment hit Annabeth.  Just the two of them hanging out in her tiny college dorm room on a Saturday evening.  Nothing special, just cozy and comfortable.  A frisson of tension buried between her shoulder blades loosened as she took a deep breath in and allowed herself to relax.

Reaching out, she put a hand on Percy’s knee, giving it a light squeeze.  He met her eyes with another smile, then put a hand on the small of her back, leaned over, and kissed her cheek.

“How was your day?” he asked her.

“Ugh, so much studying.”  Annabeth crumpled up her falafel wrapper, tossed it into the brown paper takeout bag, then scooted closer to Percy, laying her head on his shoulder.  “How was yours?”

And with that, they settled into the familiar, contented ease of the evening.

*Thanks for reading!!*

[biggreenstache7]

thoughts and feelings about the halloween specials?

not sure if this is like, thoughts on spooktacular as a concept as a whole (which i guess can be summed up as "used to be my favorite thing on the channel, slowly losing interest") or on all of them as a whole, so i'm just going to uhhhhhhhhh. yeah

Spooktacular i - obviously it's not amazing because it's the first one and in that sense also falters story-wise but like. dude it's so much better than anything else on the channel in 2016. it feels like during that one week break something clicked and the channel stopped being mid (the last few rips before title theme and ending were also p solid but the stuff before that. yeeeeeaaaahhhh) it was cool that that was woody's first main appearance. also the album art had no right being that good. otherwise its mostly ok yea that sure is the first one

Spooktacular ii - uhhh feature presentation is a little silly i like it but it's also. yeahhh. what was the deal with them putting woodman like that. and otherwise it was mostly just spooktacular 1..... 2

2018 skip because nothing happened. uh i guess the rips were good. same old

Spooktacular iii - Lol. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah this is one of my favorite things on the channel in general. I could talk about it for ages. It's so awesome and i think it will quite literally never be beat, atleast in terms of spooktaculars. the writing is a little stupid but it GETS GOOFY WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S SO STUPIDLY CHARMING!!!!!!!! IT'S A WHOLE EPISODE and the amount of time put into it is so clear. i love the original song with lyrics in it so much i ripped it. IT'S EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm sure if it didn't exist i would probably be a different person. AND IT WILL NEVER BE BEAT. whatever. the rips are like the same as usual but that DAMN MURDER NOT TOO NICE! whatever. whatever. 4/10

Spooktacular iv - uhhh it was fine. i really wish they did more with the theming it felt kinda like missed potential but atleast the banner was AWESOME one of my favorite banners on the channel ever. shoutouts to this one for being like the only one that actually ends on halloween. also the moment the yankin takeover happened i pointed out this video and like asked if she was the like fallen angel or whatever mentioned in it BEFORE curse of the fallen angel was even announced. kind of badass of me. otherwise yeah kinda nothing

spooktacular v - it's fun! i liked cotfa, it didnt take itself very seriously but it was enjoyable to listen through. kinda an initial highlight to me of my main problems with siiva writing as a whole but the fact it was an audiostory worked in its favor and the dynamic between the 3 main characters was fun. halloween events need to stop lasting so long though like, the fuck do you mean this went on until november 13th?!?!?

spooktacular vi - it's fun i guess, but not much more than that. i liked the videos, they were goofy, david s pumpkins is a fun thing to have as the reocurring joke, but it was clearly not something that was given much thought and a result kinda blends in my head as "A spooktacular" i appreciate the mspaint videos existing though. but yeah it's. just "tradition" at this point

spooktacular vii - god i wish i actually cared at this point dude. it's not bad at all and i'm sure the music stuff is fun but lore has been gone for like, almost a year and now that it's back it's just. a little nothingburger? i have a lot of small complaints i could make about the story this year but i just can't really bother anymore. it's fine. this is all fine! i'm losing my capacity to care about this channel and it's all okay. takane is a nothing protagonist on her own. the writing is kinda subpar at worst and average at best. all of it feels completely like missed potential. nothing about it feels like, yknow, siivagunner. and i cant even be bothered to care anymore (i just skimmed through the last 2 videos). idk man. it's not "bad" in the slightest but a lot of aspects of it represent things and quirks about the writing on this channel ive never really cared about. i think maybe 5 years of being into something and having it never really do anything for you might be doing something to me to the point where i don't really care anymore. this just seems to be becoming a good excuse to let it go because it doesn't say much to me anymore.

sorry that ended on a bit of a downer note idk what to say now. yay! fun! spooky ooooooooooooooooooooooooo halloween boo

[nickaurora]

Kari Rueslåtten's latest Silence Is the Only Sound was released earlier, and I am absolutely enamored with The Parting (Shine a Light), the penultimate track of the album. It's absolutely gorgeous, lush and catchy. It's honestly one of my favourite songs released this year, and I can't express how truly magical it is. I don't think I've loved something this much since Grimes' REALiTi or DCD's Avatar. I am floored.

[scaramel]

how they comfort you

ft. ayaka, gorou, kazuha, thoma, yoimiya

a/n: this has been sitting in my drafts for waaay too long by now bc of how ive been busy with inazuma, but i finally sat down and finished it so hope you all enjoy <3

AYAKA can almost immediately tell whenever you're at unease. she knows the tell tale sign of a smile that doesn't quite reach your eyes and a pair of fidgeting fingers. "please, come with me," is all she asks, leading you to the safety of the komore teahouse; a tranquil place flowing with the scent of cakes and tea leaves, almost as if a peaceful part of the world had been sealed into the single spacious room.

"something is troubling you. would you like to tell me about it?" she begins, a single hand pressed over yours as a comforting promise. "it's alright, there is no one to judge you here."

ayaka is a very capable listener, quietly observing as you let out everything on your mind with an occasional nod or worried frown in response. with no one around, she can hold you close as she combs your hair soothingly. despite the warmth burning through her cheeks and the drumming heartbeat in her chest, she truly tries her best to whisper endless words of affirmation and unconditional support.

GOROU can't help but mirror your unhappy expression from the moment he first sees it, ears drooping down in contrast to his otherwise usually bright demeanor as he thinks of the right words to say.

"sunshine? is everything alright?" he asks at last. with an expectant look, his arms spread open to offer a heartfelt hug. he pulls you in eagerly, stroking your back as his tail wags ever so slightly. he hopes you find it comforting.

gorou wants to be a strong pillar that you could always lean on — a safety net of sorts. as such, he's willing to do anything to help you get back up on the tougher days. he'll ask what you want to do or talk about, easily caving in into any of your requests as long as it can help.

"there, there, i'm here. i'll keep you safe, always."

KAZUHA is another exceptional listener, as he's told you himself multiple times before. when he sees you looking so dejected a part of his heart shatters, but he would never push an answer out of you. all he wants is to be there for you and take away all your burdens, and so he does.

he sits beside you, letting the wind and fallen leaves connect you both in a soft breeze. his shoulder is there for you to cry on, so is his hand for you to hold and his lips to kiss away your sorrows one at a time. whatever you need, say the word and he'll readily give it to you.

"would you like me to hold you?" he offers politely in that calming voice of his, arms held out wide to welcome you into a warm embrace. "i'm here for you, my love. you need not worry."

most of all, kazuha yearns to let you know he understands and that you don't ever have to go through your troubles alone. you'll always have him and he would willingly follow you all the way to the ends of the earth, all as long as you let him.

THOMA would start out by teasing you, although not quite in a condescending way. he just wants to lighten up the mood and crack a few small jokes, even if it earns him a playful push or a halfhearted eye roll from you.

"aww now who could have possibly made my precious darling upset? :("

if you seem more troubled than he initially thought or break down into tears, however, he'll instantly turn serious about it and take you somewhere more private to ask what's wrong and if you're okay.

he gestures you to sit down on a bench as he kneels beside you, holding both your hands with a single thumb drawing comforting circles into your skin. he lets you take as much time as you need to express yourself, or not at all if you choose to. but if anything, he wants you to know he's there and ready to do anything to make it better, even if it means picking a bone with any bastard that dared to upset you.

YOIMIYA would immediately try her best to cheer you up, which involves anything from bringing you your favorite snacks all the way to displaying a private fireworks show just for you. your happiness is a priority and all she wants is to make you feel better, even if it's just by a bit.

if you prefer to just talk about it, that's fine too! she'll let you lay on her lap and listen to you wholeheartedly, throwing in some funny commentary in between in hopes of making you laugh or lighten up. even if you don't feel like talking just yet, she'll happily do all that for you instead, bringing up any interesting stories that could take your mind off things as she kindly caresses your face.

overall, yoimiya is very supportive and just wants to see you smile as brightly as the summer sun and the fireworks she sets off into the night sky.

[thelmworkspace]

Feeling Better– Seungcheol x Reader

Hi, all! Thank you for all the love on the Woozi fic I posted a few weeks back. I wanted to introduce myself briefly! My name’s Lily (she/her) and I love to self-indulge with writing sometimes. Here is some Seungcheol comfort and the rest of the boys being cuties for everyone :) Let me know if you have any ideas you’d like to see!

Warnings: being sick, alluding very vaguely to throwing up 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ever the confident, sure of himself, optimistic, and resourceful, Seungcheol projected himself as calm and collected to his members, his coworkers, and to you. It was one of the things that had initially drawn you to him. He was a constant steadying force in your life, even when he was feeling anxious and overwhelmed himself. As a leader, he always tried to keep his worries to himself in order to take care of the other guys. They almost never saw him shook up, although there were some exceptions, especially when it came to you.

It was a Monday and the guys had come in early to run some choreography. Seungcheol had noticed you’d been a bit off over the weekend, not your normal self. You had said you felt a little under the weather, but nothing too bad. When Monday morning rolled around, however, Cheol could tell something was wrong. “Babe,” he nudged your knee slightly under your shared covers while you looked over emails on your phone, “are you sure you’re okay? Do you want me to see if I can stay home?” 

“No, no, I’m fine it’s just a stomach ache,” you grimaced a bit, pausing in typing out an email response to a coworker. Seungcheol sighed, placing a hand on your head and smoothing down you hair, unconvinced. “Okay, stay in bed for a bit,” he mumbled, reluctantly leaving your bed to get ready for practice. A few minutes later he walked back into your bedroom, a glass of water for you in hand. You hadn’t moved much from the position he left you in, but your hands were pressed into your brow and your head was bent downward. Hearing him walk in, you looked up and met his gaze. “Are you sure you don’t want me to take you to the hospital? You know I don’t mind being late,” he raised his eyebrows at you, moving to set the water on your bedside table. “I’m fine I just didn’t sleep well,” you said, quickly adding, “I have work to do, shoo” and reaching out to push him towards the door playfully. He holds onto your outstretched hand, though. “Try to eat something and call me if you need anything,” he says, pressing a kiss to your hair before heading out for the day.

A couple hours later, Seungcheol and the other guys were still running choreography, all the details taking a little longer than expected. A secretary popped their head into the room, looking around for Seungcheol. When he meets his eyes Cheol makes his way across the room to him, a little confused at the interruption. “Sorry to interrupt, I have a ‘Y/N’ in the lobby for Seungcheol?” the man asks, keeping his voice low. Despite the effort, all the member’s heads snap to the door– you never make such a formal entrance. Dokyeom almost starts to laugh before seeing all of the color drain out of Cheol’s face and his back stiffen. His mind jumped immediately trying to work through why you didn’t just call, if you were okay, feeling guilty for not insisting he stayed home with you. He knew you wouldn’t just show up unannounced unless something was really wrong. All twelve of the other men felt his shift in mood, but Jeonghan spoke first, reaching out to grab his elbow, “is everything okay?” Cheol’s eyes shifted to Jeonghan’s, noticeably panicked, “she was sick this morning but seemed okay when I left, I don’t know if-” 

“I’m sure she’s okay, hyung,” Wonwoo interrupted him, noticing Cheol’s volume raise as he kept talking. He turned back to the secretary, still waiting in the doorway and looking incredibly unsure of what to do, “Could you bring her up, please?” he asked before walking over to Cheol’s stuff and grabbing his water bottle for him. A hush had fallen over the room– the guys didn’t have much experience comforting a shook-up Seungcheol. “Hyung, she was sick?” Dokyeom asked, “I’m sure she just doesn’t feel good and missed you!” he laughed slightly, trying to raise the mood. The guys nodded, agreeing and throwing “don’t worries” his way as they went to grab their phones or water, gladly accepting the impromptu break. 

A knock on the door signaled your arrival a few moments later, the secretary opening the door for you and quickly retreating as you thanked him quietly. “Y/N-ah” Seungkwan called out quietly in greeting, earning a glare from Jeonghan. Seungcheol took a couple big, rushed steps towards you. You were in the comfiest sweatpants and hoodie you could find, the hood pushed up over your unbrushed hair and makeup-less face, and just your phone and keys in your front pocket. Cheol’s left hand found your shoulder, his right pushing the hood off of you and cradling the back of your head. You give him a futile smile, knowing before you even started shifting your face that it won’t convince him. “Hey, are you okay? What’s wrong?” he whispered, lowering his head slightly to meet your tired eyes. You looked down, avoiding his eyes out of embarrassment for interrupting his and all the other guys’ work . “I’m sorry,” you started, feeling Cheol automatically tighten his grip on you, “I feel awful and I haven’t been keeping anything down and I’m afraid I’m gonna get dehydrated. I wasn’t sure I should go to the hospital so I thought maybe I could see one of the medics here?” Cheol had brought you to one of them once before when you’d twisted your ankle badly in a pair of heels. He could see how uncomfortable you were, heart breaking a bit knowing you felt so crappy. He pulled you into his chest, hand still holding the back of your head protectively. “Why didn’t you call?” he mumbled, “You know you can always call.” 

“I know,” you said into his chest, “but I thought you would be in a meeting by now and I figured having you excuse yourself for a minute would be more professional than having your phone go off.” Despite his nerves still calming down from the panic he felt a few minutes ago, he let out a broken laugh. “You’re so funny, you think too much.”

As he lets you out of his embrace, Jeonghan extends a water bottle to your side, “here you go, Y/N- ah.” You smile up at him, feeling tears well up in your eyes involuntarily. Both men notice, Seungcheol concerned and Jeonghan smiling at your sudden emotion, “are you okay?” 

“I’m sorry, I’m so tired and I really don’t feel good. I cry easily when I’m sick,” you sniffle, trying to push your tears back and letting out a choked giggle. Seungkwan and Dokyeom let out audible “aww’s” at you from across the room, making you laugh a little more. “Okay, you, let’s get you to the medic,” Seungcheol wraps a protective hand around your waist and steers you out of the room. “I’ll be back,” he says, followed by your rushed “I’m so sorry, guys” before you’re ushered into the hallway. 

Fifteen or so minutes later, you try your best to sneak back into the practice room, Seungcheol holding your hand behind your back and following you in. You stand against the edge of the room for a minute before he lead you towards his bag on the other side of the room, letting you sit down next to his stuff and handing you your half empty water bottle. The guys were all focused on going over a particularly intricate hand movement, but stop when Cheol walks over to join them, looking at him expectantly for an update. “They gave her an IV for hydration. She’s gonna hang out until we’re done and then I’m taking her home.” The guys’ eyes shift to you, your back leaned up against the mirrored wall and head tucked far into your hoodie. “I’m sorry!” you say to the room, a whine in your voice to indicate that you feel horrible about your interruption. They shush you, Seungkwan rolling his eyes playfully, “as if we don’t love having you here no matter what, Y/N.” You smile up at them from the floor, eyes meeting Cheol’s and finally feeling a little better.

[badatusernames]

the entire insect squad (kamakiri, mitsubachi & chouchou) & the surviving cursed swords trio (azekura, konayuki & kiguchi)

DAM YOU MAKING ME WORK FOR MY LIFE HERE

hope you like these squares

i'll be putting the rest under a read more but...here we go

KAMAKIRI

was kind of astonished i didnt get a bingo but. god. god. don't look at me. this man and his pals put down 20 minutes of screentime as a down payment to live in my mind for the rest of eternity. once again fallen victim to the Dead Side Character Curse. written so much about this bug man. i am insane about him.

EDIT: REALIZED JUST NOW I SAID NOTHING I LIKE ABOUT HIM + HIS SQUAD IS CANON BUT THAT IS. NOT TRUE THINKING ABOUT IT it's just the overwhelming ratio of non-canon stuff ive crafted to the stuff that initially drew me in oops

MITSUBACHI

re: fans? not like he has much but anyone who doesnt recognize the nuanced balance of Polite and Sweet v. Little Shit v. Absolute Badass Terror bc they see a soft spoken pretty boy can eat rocks

in retrospect might have been better to change 'i would marry them' to 'i would be best fucking friends with this dude' but whatever it would be of convenience and we'd have a nice time.

and of course. why does he fucking look like that.

CHOUCHOU

WIFE GUY SUPREME MY LOVE

honestly i feel i actually COULD carry him like a tiny dog but only bc he'd allow it, and he would because he's the chillest little dude out there.

AZEKURA

DAM ITS OUR GUYSSSS

listen. is a suit of armor that is Technically a Sword absolutely insane and goofy? yes. does he make it work? absolutely.

look if a massive pirate man with a dolphin helmet talks about being fundamentally anti-government, anti-establishment and you don't stan him instantly idk what to tell you

KONAYUKI

thats my FUCKIGN DAUGHTER RIGHT THERE. i’m so glad she ended up okay by the end of the show bc my god she really been through it...

sure would be nice if there was a concocted found family cooked up and ready to be made an amazing dynamic eh? wild. 

KIGUCHI

the elegance...the earnestness...the SKILL....the unexpected cute side....she’s EVERYTHING. really turned what could have been an irritating concept of an episode into something so enjoyable and memorable... (alongside togame constantly losing her mind that’s always good) she deserves the WORLD but you know she wouldn’t take it....so humble....sighs.....

[shit-talk-turner]

Some thoughts and opinions !

When you are past a certain age and are living on your own, it’s not that fun. It’s better with a partner. Alex seems to love having partners but so far none of them have worked out long interesting than anything Arielle and Taylor did. But clearly he hasn’t been ready for “forever” with anyone. Definitely the closest he came was with Alexa but I think they were just too young and both famous and there were temptations around for both of them. All it takes to START a relationship is timing and chemistry. As a long term AM fan I’ve seen this happen so far with Arielle, and then Taylor, and now Louise. He def goes looking for a new partner, and finds one. But there’s a difference between looking for a partner and settling on one just because you want one not because they’re perfect for you, and actually finding someone who fits you when you’re NOT looking. I feel like this is what happened with Louise, I think Alex met her and then realized he was over Taylor and wanted something new. He might have already been realizing it and wondering if he wanted out of the relationship or not and meeting Louise was the breaking point. From my own personal experience of relationships it can take a year or two with someone to get past the “honeymoon” new and exciting stage of being with someone before reality and real life kind of sets in. And I’m just a regular person. Alex’s wealth and status in the music industry makes life easier and more fun for him and his partners (luxury vacations, exciting tours, not having to work 9-5 etc) so I think it takes a longer time to get past the initial honeymoon stage where he just has a lot of fun and into the stage of actually contemplating the rest of his life with someone. Ive dated people from a different country than me and it does add a bit of extra charm and mystery to the relationship because you are constantly learning new things about a language and a culture not just a person. It’s interesting and it can keep things from getting stale. I’m sure that a big reason he’s attracted to her is because she’s French and it’s quite a different culture from the years of dating 2 Americans previously. Will the honeymoon phase last? Has he really fallen for good this time? His lyrics might reveal something . I have to say that I do think Louise suits him much more than Arielle or Taylor. Taylor especially was extremely annoying and I kind of lost a bit of respect for Alex for apparently enjoying her personality. At least is seems he has realized that musicians don’t have to continually date models. People critique Louise’s life but at least she has experience at least doing “real world” things and she is a songwriter and musician which is deeper or more interesting than anything Arielle and Taylor did. Things started out hot with Taylor and they obvi had chemistry . Clearly they had to be obsessed with each other at one point to get those tattoos, but after time and domesticity things tend to get less exciting, and I honestly don’t know what she was thinking shaving her head, I actually have so much respect for alex sticking with her through that phase! This all feels really mean to say but this is a gossip blog right? For me Taylor was x10000 more annoying, she filled up his beautiful house with all her really stupid shoes, she had atrocious fashion style, she made her living being a mannequin, everything based off her looks, nothing off her actual personality, only getting praise from her beauty and you can tell she never had to struggle for anything even from her childhood, she was white and blond and well off from the start. At least Louise has a bit of depth, I don’t think it’s fair that people downplay that she actually can write her own songs, can play several instruments, has created! She has also experienced the loss of a parent, if you haven’t been through it you have no idea of that. For me she is much more of a match for Alex, I think he understands that his relationship with Taylor went south after too much togetherness and familiarity, and to keep excitement and “honeymoon” freshness with Louise they spend more time apart. I understand that urge to keep a bit of mystery alive, as I’ve experienced it myself. So yeah I guess I don’t understand why Louise gets so much hate, she actually seems really sweet and way less bragging than Taylor!

[conkerfrog]

Gonna do a lil' mini review for some of the bots I got recently, so here goes...

First off, Velocitron Scourge. Very, very, very nice figure, I love his colours, his lightpiping is absolutely BEAUTIFUL, and hes an overall solid figure!

My only niggle is his gas tanks, which flip out from his thighs. After siege optimus' leg transformation, earthrise, kingdom, and legacies primes have fallen short in my opinion.

Trailer is decent, not much interest in that, but his sword and axe are cool.

8/10

Next up, we got Legacy Tarantulas. A cool, creepy dude, who looks absolutely epic. I love his colours, and his transformation is chef's kiss.

It might just be me, but i also feel like his head is just sliiiiiightly too big, in comparison with the other beast deluxes.

Love his grapple gun, and his pizza slicer, which is a nice reference to his transmetal form

9/10

Number three, SS86 Sludge. Hes a big boi. A very big boi. Quite possibly the biggest boi. And hes amazing! Transformation is brilliant, pretty much nowhere near what i initially expected, with so many clever little bits, hes just a joy to have, and he looks very good next to my grimlock (still need Sla... Slug. Heh. )

Hes got a big blaster that looks pretty good, but i have no idea what his gun is supposed to look like, so i dont know how accurate it is.

9/10

Velocitron Override/Nitro Convoy next. Shes ace. Ive watched the unicron trilogy once when i was younger and dont remember much, only that everyone says its terrible, which im choosing to ignore. However, i absolutely love the designs, and override is a shining example of how good they are. I love her epic shins, her head aculpt is noice, and i love the new design of her gun, and that it can hold one of the old cyber planet keys!

I do worry about her translucent red chest and the hinge its on, but theres been no signs of stress yet.

10/10

Heres the problem child though... Buzzworthy Terrorsaur... Honestly, I ordered him on a whim, and then immediately regretted it, and found out that you can't cancel an order on pulse unless you contact customer service, who got back to me after it had been dispatched and couldnt do anything. I decided to keep him, because the golden disk one costs more than I'm worth. Objectively, a very cool toy. Brilliant colours, nice mould, all that. The problem is that he's not MY terrorsaur, if you get what I mean. I never had the original toy, my only experience with him is the show, who had a completely different colour scheme. However, hes growing on me.

Also, his ankle vall joints are quite loose.

6/10

Most recent acquisition, today actually, is Legacy Blitzwing. Very mixed bag honestly, i love his bot mode, it looks brilliant, but the other two are slightly lacking.

Out of his alt modes, the tank is easily better. Thick, chonky, and bigg. Very nice. Only complaint is the cockpit on the front, which i feel couldve been covered up with some panels flipping in off the shoulders.

But the jet... Ehhhhhh... It wouldve been so much better with ough the sides of the tank just hanging off the underside. But as usual, one of the modes of a triple changer has to take the fall, and the jet mode was it. At least it wasnt the whole figure, like the t30 version!

Guns are cool, so is the sword, and i couldnt care less about the big hands. They went into the parts draw immediately.

7/10

I saved the best til last, Velocitron Cosmos. I love him. So much. Hes my chonky lil man. I love the colours proportions, headsculpt, even his lil flag and gun are brilliant. Hes definitely worth the arm and leg i paid for him, and i would do it again. Was it a bit much? Yes. Am i happy with my purchase? Hell to the yes.

His UFO/landmine/doorbell/boob mode is brilliant too, the gaps bother me nowhere near as much as i thought they would, and i love how the head flips into his chest, rather than messing about trying to pull the head from a tiny hole.

10000000000/10

Well, those are some of the bots I've bought recently, I'll probably post a full shelves pic soon, but theyre all messy at the moment, because when i mess with them, i dont always put them back in their pose.

Should be getting elita 1 next week, and I have all of wave 3 preordered (bar bombburst/blood) and flamewar too, so I'll post shots of them when they arrive.

Conkerfrog, out.

[zodiyack]

Opposites Attract; Act V

Pairing: Damon Salvatore x Female!Pierce/Petrova!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, angst/violence

Words: 1,098

(Series) Summary: The younger sister of Katherine was the true owner of Damon’s heart, Katherine only being his worry in 1864 due to the sister’s bond, the bond that fueled Katherine to force Y/n to join her when she escaped Mystic Falls and left Damon to think they were both in the tomb.

Taglist: @matth1w, @redspaceace-writes, @fandom-puff, @simonsbluee, @darling-i-read-it, @sebastianstanslefteyebrow, @dpaccione, @sana-li, @local-depresso-gay-idiot, @jenepleurepasbaby, @lady-salvatore, @yolobloggers, @thecraziestcrayon, @tranqs-main-mami, @lawlerek​, @agustdpeach​, @jenjie​, @iclosetgeek​, @avengersgirllorianna​, @rosiesimone819​, @caseysalvatore, @obsssedwithjustaboutanything​

Masterlist | The Vampire Diaries Masterlist

Part I. Part II. Part III. Part IV. Part V. Part VI.

“C’mon, you don’t want to do this, Damon.” Stefan tried to explain. If anything, his frantic attitude should’ve outlined the point he’d been trying to make in a bold yellow like the highlight pen he used for school.

But perhaps that highlighter was out of ink. “Trust me, brother, I do.”

Damon was stubborn, anyone who knew the vampire knew of that fact, but Stefan was stubborn when it came to his “hero-hair” duties. The brothers were more similar than either of them thought, so getting one to back off the other was a battle that lasted for what felt like centuries. Stefan wouldn’t give up until Damon agreed to leave Katherine alone.

“Damon, I don’t want to lock you down there to desiccate again, but if I have to, I will.” He honestly would if it came to that. Stefan wanted Damon to just stay out of trouble and if the opportunity presented itself, he’d take it with only the smallest bit of hesitation.

“Why do you want me to back off of Katherine so badly, Stefan?” Damon narrowed his eyes. “The bitch tricked you into dying for her, literally! So why on earth would you be...” His sentence faded away. And then suddenly- as if a lightbulb had clicked over his head, his gaze snapped back up to Stefan’s, “Tell me you haven’t.”

“Haven’t what?”

“Fallen head over heels for narcissistic vamp bitch!” The raven haired brother pointed an accusing finger at him, “I swear to god, Stefan, tell me you didn’t!”

“What?!” Pure disgust was evident on his features, “No! God no! I just...it’s best for you, if you really want Y/n back.”

“Not fighting Katherine?”

“Yeah.”

“How would that do anything for me in my relationship? What’s so bad about killing Katherine? I’d be a hero!”

“Well...to us, maybe, but your little ‘crush’, not so much. Because killing Katherine, Y/n’s sister, would make your ‘mission’ fail instantly.”

“Oh...” Damon finally came to his senses, Stefan’s point clicking and wiping away the tenseness in his body. “Yeah, that uh...that makes sense.”

Stefan “Aaaand I figured you’d like that more than option b.”

His brows furrowed and eyes squinted for the second time, however, his confusion was genuinely just puzzled rather than blaming. “What’s option b?”

“Making amends with Katherine. Getting all brother and sisterly with her. You know, in law bonding?” His teasing smirk poked fun at Damon and grew wider as his face shriveled with discomfort and repugnance. “Thought so.”

“Still can’t get enough of me?” Katherine sneered.

“You wish. I’m here for your sister.”

Katherine’s entire form suddenly grew tense. Her once relaxed stance became protective and guarding. “I told you last time, you can’t have her. She doesn’t need you, and you don’t deserve her.”

“Funny, I thought I said the same thing about you.” Her jaw clenched as Damon’s smirk crawled higher towards his eyes.

“I’d back off if I were you.”

“Again, same thing to you.”

The childish attitude was a constant with Damon, making it nearly impossible to tell whether he was deviating against the plan Stefan and the others helped him out with, or just doing it to spite Katherine. Bonnie had preformed a locater spell on the vampire, bringing them to their current location, and Stefan got their new companion, Alaric, to help him in making sure Damon didn’t fuck everything up. He knew his older brother, been the target of his temper, so he knew things could go south in record speed.

“C’mon Damon, don’t do it,” he muttered to himself repeatedly. They were lucky enough to find a spot where he could hear what was going on, not that he needed his vamp hearing to be able to catch the excessively loud voices, and see the showdown with close-to-front row seats.

Alaric gave him a look every now and then, telling him silently that he was ready whenever Stefan was. It started to get heated, Katherine inching towards Damon, the fury in her eyes growing more intense with each quip that slipped from his mouth, Damon cockier by the second. It was only a matter of time before they needed to step in. It was only a matter of time before Damon fucked up.

“You know, I only ever meant to save Stefan, right? Had I known Y/n gave you her blood, I would’ve ripped your heart from your chest before you had the chance to turn.”

“And had I known you were going to leave the church, where I thought the love of my life was for the past century, to burn while you were really taking her away from me, I would’ve shoved you inside that damn church and left you to rot in hell, where you belong, while Y/n and I rode of into the sunset and lived happily ever after.” His smile was still too playful to be read. The glow in his eyes and tightness of his lips accentuated the darkness behind his “had I” story.

Katherine’s eyes pierced pun intended into Damon’s. The veins below her brown orbs darkened, fangs protruded from her gums. In the blink of an eye, she lunged at Damon, but then, she was on the ground, a vervain tranquillizer sticking from her body.

“Damn,” she struggled to form the final words, drowsiness already creeping over her, “you,” a glare met Damon’s mocking expression, “Salvatore.”

Damon clapped, victory dance ready to be initiated. “Nice shot, Ric! Great timing too!”

He waited for a response from their, human, vampire hunter friend, but Alaric’s tone wasn’t victorious like Damon’s, nor was his response quickly given. “That wasn’t me...”

The weapons he’d brought along were wooden bullets, his shot good enough to avoid hearts on purpose and keep the vampires alive if need be. Last he checked, the only vervain equipped item he currently had on his person was a vervain bomb, which he promised not to set off.

Damon whipped around, meeting his brother and Alaric, whom had raced over the second Katherine went down, and their concerned expressions. Stefan realized something was off at the same time as Alaric; he hadn’t fired any weapons and Stefan made sure to know what objects that could kill him were in his presence at all times.

“If it wasn’t you two... then who- What fortunate bastard do I have to spare tonight?”

“Me. Although, correct me if I’m wrong,” the three turned towards the voice, Damon’s eyes widening as Y/n entered his view, nearing closer and closer with each step she took, “I believe you’d spare me either way.”

[lv-iceprince]

@wjnterchild

Hi there love! Thank you so much for resending your request and my god the patience you have is so amazing. I really appreciate you sticking around, I know Ives said this to the majority of you who have been straight up amazing people who I love interacting with but still, I just adore y’all. Anyways onto your ship! I’ll be honest I actually adored doing this ship for you, like I’m actually glad you didn’t go with Aespa because I seriously see your personality lining up with either of the two groups that you mentioned in your latest request, I mean you would fit into either group but I just loved writing this for you.

Also sorry this took so long, I redid the aesthetic for your ship a few times so I could get it as close to the desired aesthetic that you had wanted.

Lots of Love, Eden xoxoxoxo 

~Your Group~ Miss A 

~Position~ You’re the Lead Rapper, Vocalist & Maknae of the group 

~When You Joined~ During the Independent Women Pt. III era

~Fans Reaction to You~  Initially Say A were quite confused at JYP’s move to add a completely new member two years after Miss A’s official debut date. It wasn’t that they were reluctant, many agreed that it would be interesting to see how the groups entire dynamic worked around having a new member. It was nerve-wracking on your end since there was definitely an expectation for you to live up to performing as well as Miss A, they were expecting a member who had grace and coordination, a person who would immediately assume the role of being a good new member. You actually didn’t have to worry about much though, you were such a likeable person from the get go. Yeah you played the silent observer for the most part but you had such a charming atmosphere that surrounded you, you really assumed the role of the Maknae. At first people thought you were leaning into that a bit too much but after a considerable amount of time they were able to come around to that. You just had so much respect and affection towards the others, it didn’t take long for you to become the prided baby of the group, you were essentially their baby bread (excuse the Skz reference, I’m high on Circus). You were so gentle and down to earth yet you also had such a distinct stage presence, the best part about all of that? You are so humble and have adopted music and the idol life as your passion to ensure that others are also somewhat healed by the music you are putting out there. Honestly you’re just loved for being the kind and thoughtful member, you’re not exactly the mood maker, instead you’re the one that will just fuss over the other members. Say A quickly came to adore you, there was no way that they could actively dislike you. Both Say A and the members felt like you were the extra family member they didn’t know Miss A needed, you truly complete them.

~Relationship With the Members~ 

~Fei~ Now upon meeting you Fei was admittingly the quietest member, she didn’t really know how you would react to her. Most of her hesitance seemed to melt away after some time, at the end of the day she would feel a little silly for seeming so uncomfortable around you. You were both one in the same, as a result you both formed a deep understanding of each other. She can’t even fathom what her life would be without you, you were always so kind and gentle with her. Part of her would be absolutely lost without your cheerful and caring disposition, so yeah Fei would be a little too doting on you in comparison to the other members, but if you felt uncomfortable with that she would obviously tone it down. Fei sees you as family at this stage, you’re one of the first ones she confides in for help or even just to vent a little. Despite this she would assume the role of being your group Mom, so while you could baby the other members Fei will always outdo the love and affection you have to offer, she will always out love you.

~Suzy~ Your partner in crime for sure. Suzy would have platonically fallen in love after meeting you for the first time, not to sound vain but she really sees herself in you. You both connect in a different way as opposed to you and the other members. Overall, she was just drawn to your personality, it was a breath of fresh air and she was absolutely thrilled that she wasn’t the Maknae anymore. This sounds a little odd, since most Maknae’s just play into their role, but to be fair she loved you being the Maknae since she was now obliged to play the role of the annoying yet charming older sister. After you had settled into the group it was a frequent occurrence to see you hanging out with Suzy, but really that puts everyone’s worries at ease, as long as you’re with Suzy the staff can actually relax. Being one of the toughest members in the group she will be one of the members who accompanies you on outings, and man people better watch out at award shows. She will always be looking out for you and will keep you by her side, honestly Suzy loves going to award shows with you, they’re one of her favourite things about being an idol. Both of you rub off on each other, you both get insanely cheerful and bubbly and steal the attention at award shows with your wholesome friendship.

~Min~ Your relationship with Min was quite a complex one in the beginning, she didn’t hate you, she just didn’t know how to approach you for some time. She felt as if both of you had come from completely different worlds, the initial distance between you was seemingly strengthened by her not actually staying in the dorms. In short you had spent way more time with the other girls, so you didn’t really consider yourselves as friends for some time. Though this was a tougher friendship to initiate it would become easier overtime, eventually the two of you would find a way to bond over your differences.  You are polar opposites, she is a lot more hardened in her perception of life, whereas, you are fairly expressive and are known to wear your heart on your sleeve. Despite all of this  you both feel that your friendship is a valued one, you both teach each other so much. From observing her you’ll adopt some of her charm and maturity. On the whole you’ll just feel so much more confident after spending some time with her. I kind of hinted at this but your friendship goes both ways, overtime your excitement, energy and hopeful nature will really rub off on her. It’s as if you were meant to be present in each others lives. 

~Jia~ Man I’m just going to say this now, Jia was the first person to introduce herself and she will take that to her grave. She will always find a way to bring up the fact that she was the one who got to know you first, essentially she loves knowing that she was the one who was blessed enough to experience your personality first hand. Jia is probably the member who understands you the most, which is a huge thing, since Suzy loves to think that she knows you inside and out. Though she is a hard worker to some extent, she loves to just hang out with you while lazing around and procrastinating. She really is like your cool cousin, and for the record she is probably one of the members who can press you to do something, all the while she’ll never seem naggy. A prime example of this is the fact that she will invite you to practice or train with her, and you always accept these offers because she is so chill to be around. And don’t worry she definitely gives you fair and honest advice on how to improve your stage presence, honestly the two of you are well known for having the most stage presence a duo could have. Also I’m not saying that arguments would occur that often but if they ever did Jia would defend you until the ends of the earth. Maybe she is a little biased but you could never do anything wrong in her eyes.

~Roommate~ Jia

~Debut Stage Outfit & Makeup~ 

~Extra Info~ 

~You were given the title of Nation’s Little Sister due to your fun, girl next door personality.

~ When Miss A disbanded you were obviously hurt but you had taken that time to gain experience in the acting world before you decided to join a new upcoming girl group as the lead rapper, since you felt that you idol days were far from over. 

~ There were several dating rumours attached to your name pretty quickly, you were just such an agreeable, bubbly and beautiful idol. It was only natural that fans shipped you with so many idols.

~ Some time after Miss A had disbanded you had also gotten into the music composing and song writing scene, so when you had finally joined another group you were given the role of being one of the main composers in the group. But on a larger scale due to your song writing you actually became an idol that is very well known in the kpop scene for their creativity.

[aceofintuition]

Hello! I really love your fic Pryoclasm and just love how you write Maxie and the Magma gang. I don't know if you've been asked this before but what are some of your headcanons with them? (magma gang or just team aqua/magma in general?)

ANON you have made my DAY with this thank you so much!! I'm not gonna include art with this bc you've opened Pandora's box I have a lot of headcanons and hopefully they will suffice. I'm also gonna limit these to Magma for now bc honestly i could do a whole separate post w Aqua. Also most of these apply to Pyroclasm Magma in particular but sometimes also in general? I can and will have conflicting headcanons and multiple interpretations and no one can stop me. And now they are under the cut because this got Long!

- The biggest one should be obvious to anyone who's read the fic but Pyroclasm Maxie is nonbinary! This is one of my few HCs where my personal take on the character actually differs from my HCs on the character in general. Pyromax is nonbinary and ace, whereas I think canon Maxie is probably cisgendered and gay

- Going off of that Courtney and Tabitha are both bi and cis.

- Maxie gave themself the name Maximilian Ashwright to establish an identity that gets away from their deadname and family. The whole "not really existing" bit is really helpful in leading an organization that some people might classify as 'ecoterrorism.'

- Tabitha is the braincell of Team Magma. I know Ive suggested this before but it is The Most True in Pyroclasm. Courtney and Maxie are chaos gremlins together and almost all of their ideas are bad. Team Magma would have fallen apart without Tabitha.

- Maxie is not actually as smart as they would like you to think they are.

- no really.

- Maxie's whole thing (and I HC this for canon Maxie too bc just. Go back and read his arguments that he proposes to the player) is that they can express their ideas very confidently and aggressively enough that most people either back down or get caught up in their chain of logic. If you go back and think over what they've actually said there's a good chance you'll realize it makes no sense at all.

- Maxie could be a lot smarter if they didn't have an ego the size of one (1) super ancient legendary eldritch earthmover getting in the way.

- Maxie has mastered the art of getting places through sheer determination and decisions of questionable legality.

- Tabitha is capable of rational thought and that's why he's the smart one.

- Maxie and Courtney met in college; specifically Courtney was an undergrad for a class that Maxie was teaching as a grad student. Said class was about the intersection of pokemon and ancient cultures and they bonded over the roles of legendary pokemon to these civilizations. They also bonded over being chaotic neutral but anyway

- Maxie specifically was pursuing a masters degree, with their topic being focused on a lost civilization in one of Hoenn's water routes. They consistently clashed with their professors over this and eventually ended up quitting the program before getting their masters, and left with Courtney when she graduated

- Before they left though they spent one weekend learning how to eat fire and still use it for horrifying party tricks sometimes. Tabitha banned them from making a Magma initiation ritual out of it

- Tabitha and Courtney are behind a lot of the tech that Magma actually uses; Maxie handles overall organization and research into the history of Groudon.

- Maxie is the best battler in Team Magma by a longshot--followed by Courtney, then Tabitha. None of them are anything to slouch at, but Maxie in particular is quite capable of using their pokemon to wreak havoc.

- Tabitha bakes to relieve stress and will not hesitate to smack you if you try to stick your fingers into the batter

- Maxie lives most of the time on exclusively straight black coffee because any sugar will put them to sleep. They are absolutely a hypocrite about pestering others to take care of themselves when they will not take care of themself

- Courtney is the rock nerd of the bunch and used to be in a rock lovers club with Steven. Steven told her once that one of her papers was intriguing but needed peer review. Maxie told her peer review was only relevant if her peers were as smart as she was

-tbh there's probably others i've forgotten about so maybe ill come back for a round 2 later but hopefully this is a good start anon!

[elriel-oblivion]

WHO'S READY FOR SOME HARDCORE NSFW 🔥😈

Ashes from the Deep

Part IV

--

Just kidding! 😅

Lol, sorrynotsorry for that fake intro haha, but here's part four for real 😅 Thanks to everyone who read/liked/commented on/reblogged the last part, I really do appreciate all your support 😊🥰🥰

Shoutout to @julesherondalex again for finding one of my fave paragraphs ☺️☺️ I think I only have one fave line this time 😅 And thanks to all who comment their own faves!! I really like seeing what you like in each piece - and it def helps me gauge what kinda writing/literary techniques work and engage people the most 😊😊

I hope nobody's disappointed by this part lol, I really enjoyed writing it in tandem with the previous one 😅

Word count: 4.1K. Lemme know if you'd like to be tagged/removed

I've also finally posted all four parts to AO3 if anyone prefers to read there 😊

Ashes from the Deep

Part IV

--

The water falling from the jug to Azriel’s head was the only sound in the bathroom. His hair absorbed the water, darkening to a midnight gleam. A thin breeze entered the room, and now without a blanket, Elain's exposed arms prickled with goosebumps.

Elain plunged a hand into his hair, breaking the mud between her fingertips. A quiet breath passed through his mouth and the corners of her lips rose.

She rubbed his scalp, coaxing as much dirt to the surface as she could before guiding another jug of water through his hair. Some of the mud drained away, some clods of sediment sticking to the basin. She poured over a final jug and stained water trickled into the drain. The warmth of the water tickled through her skin, replacing the cold from outside.

‘Is that nice?’ she asked, brushing the water through his hair with both hands.

His body seemed to relax, one foot sliding forward a little. ‘It is,’ he said thickly. He cleared his throat.

Her fingers continued to gently work at his head, and when sure his hair was completely wet, she ran the bar of soap under the tap. Soft lavender entered her nose and she inhaled deeply. That calm scent loosened her own muscles; this could be as much a session of serenity for her as she hoped it'd be for Azriel.

So long as she held taut the chain on her heart.

Soap foaming, she immersed her hands back into his thick hair, forming a lather. The lavender smell intensified, a wave of tranquility sweeping over her. She blinked slowly, as though her mind were wading through water.

Another sigh from him drew her attention back to his head. She needed to focus on this task; for Azriel, she could stay awake a little longer, especially since she’d already started.

Her fingertips massaged his skull, pressing a little deeper at the base where knots had a tendency to form. Elain moved her own neck, a sharp stab sparking at the top of her spine.

She hadn’t mentioned it to anybody yet – didn’t even know if she would – but her visions had been so feverish the past fortnight. Sleep felt like a luxury as she tossed and turned with psychedelic madness flashing behind her eyes. A turquoise expanse of sparkling ocean, birds shaped from sunset, glittering gowns in every shade, and a too-wide smile with pointed teeth were just a few of the recurring images attacking her every night.

Bathing before bed wasn't helpful. She'd hoped the calming scents of the herbs she'd found would be enough to pacify her mind and lull her to sleep. So far, there was no positive result beyond a loosening of her muscles. At least some of those herbs relieved the intensity of the dark circles round her eyes.

Mellow darkness, however, was a true reprieve, one which she found in her garden in those quiet evening hours, when the sky, having bled through its saturated sunset, was awash with deep muted blues.

As if she’d summoned it, a similar darkness manifested around Azriel’s body, swirling thickest about his head like a black cloud. His shadows rose like vapour, tendrils reaching out and twining about him.

Elain’s hands were hidden among those dark whorls, and they whispered on her skin in cool caresses. She leaned over his head and said, ‘Azriel?’

His eyes flicked open. ‘Huh?’

There was something boyish and confused in the way he blinked and she laughed lightly. ‘Your shadows are sort of hiding your head.’

He turned his head an inch or two. ‘Sorry,’ he said, and those shadows began sweeping over each other, wisps kissing her as Azriel pulled them in.

Elain’s hands were stationary until those shadows were completely reeled in, a faint frown on Azriel’s face. Sorrow lurked there, perhaps that he couldn’t be cocooned in that safe space.

Guilt coated the chain around her heart.

‘Don’t be,’ she murmured. Did he hear the shame in her voice? She hoped not; he should be resting, not worrying about Elain’s feelings. ‘You can close your eyes again.’

He did, but not before she caught a shadow lingering behind his eyes. Were they a glimpse into the shadows he leashed within himself, or were they a reflection of something darker, more sinister, perhaps?

That guilt began to cut into her heart now, icy claws digging. Cold squeezed her chest, a cold unrelated to the outside breeze breathing over her skin. How could she think Azriel was sinister? After the countless times he’d reached out to comfort her, be with her, listen to her – and the sincere light she saw in his eyes. Even the hope Rhysand had spoken of that day of the last battle in the war. The hope whose meaning he'd learnt from Azriel, learnt to experience from Azriel.

No, it was absurd. Yes, Azriel was a warrior and yes, he’d killed people. Possibly worse, she didn’t know. But those shadows she knew with certainty weren’t formed from the darkness of nightmares and malevolence and all things wicked.

They were a darkness of safety and security, of nights spent in a loved one’s arms. When a child sought their parent; when an adult sought their partner. They were the darkness found deep underground, where the earth was pure and things grew. Where life grew.

And just like his shadows, he too was not crafted from unholiness. There was unrelenting virtue glowing in him, burning whatever taint touched his darkness. She’d seen it in his eyes when he’d found her at the Hybern camp, when he alone had armed her with his own dagger at that later battle – and then run straight into the thick of it without Truth-Teller.

She didn’t know what she would’ve done if he hadn’t survived while she held his blade.

So when his shadows leaked out again, wrapping him in twining vines and wisps, she said nothing. Simply continued to work in that lovely lavender soap, giving as much care as she could. He deserved it.

She poured jug after jug of warm water over his head, wading her fingers through his locks to wash out the soap. Within a minute or two, the water was running clear. She yawned and dried her hands on a fresh towel.

‘Az, you can lift your head now.’

The guilt relented a little, icy claws releasing. A cold still filled the space left behind. But before the warmth of his presence, his existence, could balm her heart as it often did, she froze. His shadows parted to reveal a tear slipping from his eye. Just a single tear but so abrupt it was jarring on the shadowsinger’s face.

‘Azriel?’

He was unresponsive. His breathing was regular, body relaxed in a state of sleep. Except for that tear. What was he dreaming of?

She raised her hand to his face but let it hover in the air. Would this wake him? Would he even be fine knowing Elain had seen him cry?

She touched the tear anyway, placed a knuckle right beneath it. The tear slipped onto her hand and she wiped off the trace left on his face.

Azriel stirred, voice raw as he said, ‘Mother?’

Mother – was she what, who he dreamt of? There was such a childlike insecurity in his tone that Elain’s heart squeezed. She moved her hand back a little when her own voice sounded wispy. ‘No, it’s Elain.’

His eyes opened, gaze darting around the room. There was a small crease in his brow as he blinked away whatever haze remained from his dreams. The shadows dissipated.

Confusion limned his features in the few seconds it took him to fully awaken. Did he know he cried? That she’d wiped off his tear? No, that wouldn’t be okay. Elain had to distract him, if that were even possible for a spymaster.

Sometimes his title overwhelmed her. Sometimes she found security in it; did he see things he didn’t want to on his travels? Did he have access to a wealth of information he didn’t initially understand, just as Elain didn’t comprehend her visions without further probing?

‘I asked you to lift your head but you’d fallen asleep,’ she said. ‘I didn’t want to wake you, but we should dry your hair before you really go to sleep. Especially if you’ll be going outside again. Although I would ask you to consider taking a guest room.’

That frown deepened for a second before he smoothed out his face. ‘Right.’ He sat straight, and Elain set a hand under his head as he stiffly pulled it up. He rotated his neck a bit, water dripping off his sodden hair, sliding down his face.

She placed the towel over his head, patting it across his scalp. Some strands escaped to hang over his forehead, so she pulled them back, ruffling the towel through his hair. All the while, he watched her, but she busied herself with the water that glistened on his neck. Anything to avoid his eyes.

Then he dropped his head – from tiredness or something else, she didn’t know – so she took the opportunity to dry the back more. Drying his hair took more effort than washing, he just had so much hair. The small towel quickly became damp so she continued with the one round his neck, and a short while later, deemed his hair dry enough. Still wet but not sodden, so she combed her fingers through it, smoothing out the tips that stuck out. She left both towels on her bathtub, touching a knuckle to one of the trailing plants sitting on a stool nearby.

She heard the chair scrape across the floor, Azriel rising, so she laid a hand on his shoulder. ‘Wait. I want to clean your face, too.’

The idea of having to look at his face for however long it took to clean sent a thrill through her and she woke a little more. The chain on her heart slipped from her control a little and she leashed it back. Her chest tightened as she grabbed a cloth and ran it under the tap. She knelt next to him, honing in on that giant gash on his cheekbone. She touched the cloth to his face.

He winced and her hand stilled. ‘Sorry.’

A small smile graced his face, and he said, ‘Don’t be.’

She recognised the words from earlier and breathed a laugh. ‘That cut does look very bad, though. I think I’ll have to clean it with alcohol too.’

‘Let’s crack open that wine then.’

Something sultry laced his voice, the chain in her chest slipping again. The metal warmed and Elain fiddled with her grip. She let out a shaky laugh. ‘Not tonight, Azriel.’

Goodness. A late night wine session with Azriel. There was heat in her cheeks and she didn’t know how to tone it down. It was even worse with his face so near hers. He’d see it all. Her face warmed further, and it was only the dirt and blood on his that reminded her he was in no position to be drinking the night away. Not with fatigue so clear on his features and in his posture.

And not with Elain. That toed a line she didn't deserve to cross.

So she gave focus only to his skin, wiping the cloth across his face. Once most of the mud and blood was off, she rinsed the cloth, then wiped him down again. He turned his head and as his eyes fixed squarely on her, the chain heated further. She tried to grip it elsewhere, but every link was as hot. It wasn’t uncomfortable – quite pleasant, actually – but she was sure it would be soon enough if she didn’t move now. The cool air sweeping into the bathroom did nothing to help. If he would just stop looking into her –

Elain abruptly stood and on a whim went to close the window. Maybe he'd think she was cold, though she'd regret trapping the air when it was stifling here soon.

She moved to the cupboard by the door, her back to him. She took a deep breath, taking her time to pull out a bottle of alcohol, in pouring a few drops of it onto a clean cloth. The distance between them was refreshing. The chain didn’t cool, not with Azriel still so close in the same room, but at least it didn’t warm any more. Elain took a moment to readjust her grasp and pull it again.

She composed herself and knelt beside him. The alcohol’s scent permeated the air and her own nerves bristled. ‘This’ll hurt.’

His smile was slight. ‘It’s all right.’

She bit the inside of her cheek and touched the cloth to the wound. His jaw clamped like a vice and she lightened her touch, the cloth barely kissing his skin.

This wasn’t the right way. She needed to clean that wound, regardless of what pain it’d inflict. It'd be temporary, the sting. So she pressed the cloth harder, dabbing it across his cheekbone.

His features were stonelike at the contact. Did pain ever become easier to bear? Would the prick of a thorn be less painful in a decade than it was now?

If Azriel’s face was anything to go by, she guessed no. Perhaps some pain couldn’t be learnt; perhaps the body never fully digested pain.

Perhaps she'd never fully recover from the desolation in the Cauldron.

‘Are you all right, Azriel?’ Her voice was so quiet, like she didn’t want to flare the hurt any further.

‘I’m all right. Are you all right, Elain?’

‘I’m fine.’

He wasn’t all right and nor was she, but neither was willing to broach that right now. There was so much to him she didn’t yet know. What was it that shadowed his eyes so often? What darkness clouded his mind before he fell asleep? In due time, she’d learn, but that human impatience, the sense that there was never enough time, threatened to run her tongue.

Time stretched out before her. She’d learn. He was her friend, she just needed to give him time to teach her the workings of his soul. And in return, she would bare hers too.

Neither said a word as she pressed the alcohol into every wound, cleaning his cheekbone and temple, a scratch across his jaw. She stared at the graze there for a few seconds. She’d ask Madja for some calendula oil later; that would speed the healing process.

She sighed as she washed the cloth. Something had loosened the chain, but it wasn’t a sudden unravelling. It’d just been gradual and she hadn’t noticed, one link falling back at a time. Her heart expanded. There was torment in Azriel’s posture, on his face, and it hurt. It hurt that Elain couldn’t do anything for him besides give basic medicines for his body.

But he was more than just a physical form. He had a heart and a soul, both so tight with whatever misery lurked in his past, and she couldn’t do anything about that. For all the light she saw in the world, all the places of brightness, there was ten times as much darkness, ten times as many nooks and crannies where gloom and wretchedness dwelt. What good was the light if it didn’t burn away the shade over everyone’s souls?

She spent more time washing the cloth than necessary.

The chair creaked. ‘You can talk to me, Elain, whenever you need.’

The chain slipped again, Elain’s fingers grappling for those final links. It hurt so much that he was willing to give so much. Her smile was too bright as she turned and said, ‘I know.’

He stood. His gaze was so direct on her that she only held one chainlink now. Just one link remained in her hand, one link between her and the release of a beast she hadn't yet had the courage to face.

The link heated. Her muscles loosened and her hands fumbled with the tap, the cloth falling from limp fingers.

He would realise. He would know what she was thinking and feeling if she didn’t get a grip on herself, on that final chainlink. So she turned her body to face his and cleared her throat. ‘We should go downstairs to the fireplace. It’ll be warmer there.’ For his damp hair, of course.

No matter that whatever cool air remained in the room did nothing to tame her heat.

His hand was cold on her wrist, a shiver tracking her bones, and colder still were the shadows that swept them up and into the living room. Good, there was much more space here. Her feet hit the floor and she bent to place three logs in the hearth.

Moonlight glinted on the steel she struck against the flint but the metal didn’t spark the way she’d seen it do when everybody else lit a fire. She tried again, Azriel silent beside her. This was pitiful. She swiped the steel a couple more times, and a spark finally appeared.

It was too silent here. ‘Those shadows are quite convenient at times, aren’t they?’ she said.

He breathed a laugh. ‘They can be.’

She let the spark catch on the cloth resting on the hearth and threw it onto the logs, a blaze finally blooming. She doubted anybody else took that long to start a fire. Heat bathed her legs.

Elain didn’t know what to make of the lack of judgement she found on his face when she stood. Though, it was common with him, how honestly he looked at her. She shouldn’t be surprised. Save Nuala and Cerridwen, he was perhaps the only one who didn’t view her as a naive fool, a child. None of the others said it, but she saw it in their eyes, that patronising glimmer.

He was leaning against the mantelpiece with a forearm, one leg crossed over the other, the portrait of casual elegance. It wasn't often she got to see him looking so relaxed. Then again, he was tired.

Her eyes met his. ‘Just a few minutes now and we’ll be warm.’

His eyes were soft; he didn’t say anything. Just kept looking at her. Into her.

The air warmed. That was a quick few minutes.

Just the flames. Of course it was the flames. Anything else would be ridiculous.

The wound on his cheekbone was an angry red in the dim light. ‘I think you’ll need a bandage for that wound.’ Some herbs would be prudent too.

‘I’ll be fine without it,’ he said.

She pleaded for interference from something, anything. ‘It’s quite deep.’

‘Not a match for my Illyrian healing.’ The smirk that followed sent a hot spark down her skin. The chain now burned and she lost her grip on it completely, that leash uncoiling and slipping down, down, down into the abyss of her core. Her heart swelled like a dragon inhaling a mighty breath.

She needed a distraction from his achingly stunning face. The wings behind him were not a reprieve at all. Especially not after what she'd overheard about them. Certain people tended to forget she was in the room and had heightened hearing when they talked about the sensitivities of the Illyrian wings.

Her face heated and her heart throbbed against her chest. How improper these thoughts were. The air was stifling now. Perhaps they should've stayed in the bathroom. Even the weak chill of night air would be better than this. She wished she could have shadows to cool her down like Azriel did. Or to hide in. She'd seen him do that plenty of times.

His wings rustled and he straightened, coming off the mantelpiece. His eyes were glazed, somehow even more stunning than they were outside earlier. The fire highlighted the grey brown storm swirling in his gaze while streaks of emerald glistened like the veins on leaves in the height of summer.

It felt like the height of summer too in this heat.

He frowned. She cleared her throat of the pocket of air lodged there.

'Oh.' A bead of sweat glinted on his temple, right above the gash there. The sting that would ensue was an unnecessary pain, so she reached up to wipe it away.

As her finger touched his skin, above the crackle of the flames, a loud thudding beat entered her ears. Azriel caught her wrist and a small gasp left her lips.

His eyes smouldered, that thunderstorm churning in the dim light. His heartbeat. It was his heartbeat she heard. It ran and ran, crescendoeing like a drum before the climax of a song.

Was the shadowsinger feeling the same as she? Did his heart yearn to touch hers too?

It was unbearable, the alternative. Unbearable but probable.

Her voice was thick, with longing, with desire, with anguish all entangled when she spoke, 'I can hear your heartbeat.'

He said nothing. If he truly didn't reciprocate -

She almost couldn't continue but pushed out, 'And it's a beautiful sound.'

That song in his heartbeat finally climaxed, a thunder of sound pounding the air.

'You're beautiful, too,' he breathed.

Her own pulse throbbed, heartbeat echoing in her throat. Tears blurred her vision of him. She blinked them away; she wanted to truly see every inch of his wonderful face.

His breathing lightened.

As did hers.

He was a mirror, Azriel. He saw her; he saw what she hid from everyone else, clear as day. It was his eyes that told. His words, too, in that smooth voice, free of condescension.

And now no mouth had ever looked so inviting.

And maybe this was okay. This fondness, this attachment she'd developed for him. It wasn't a sudden spark - childish and unquestioned. This had been building for a while now. Months. Maybe even since the first year she'd met him. And maybe it was improper and she was a lady, but perhaps it went beyond expectation. If her sisters could give themselves wholly to their love, then so could she.

Love. It was exhilarating, liberating to open up that well inside her. To no longer have that chain leashing her heart.

And because she knew he'd not make another move, she whispered, 'Are you going to kiss me?'

The fire hissed as a log tumbled further into the hearth. Shadows smoked behind his eyes. 'Only if you want me to.'

Without a doubt, she wanted this. There was a certainty, a clarity in her bones that sang high and free. It whistled through her marrow and glided into her blood, awakening her soul. She was not a child. She could want this. She could have this.

'Yes.'

A frown marred his face and her heart dropped. His eyes were now a hurricane, darkened like night descended over them. Torment was etched in the line of his brows, in the flicker of his jaw as it ground together.

He was afraid. Of hurting her. Ruining her. She'd seen the way he always glimpsed his hands, glancing away with revulsion in his eyes. He thought he was a disgrace, a savage.

But how could that be? How could this male, this male of honour, loyalty and charm think so little of himself? He was better than any male she could've had the pleasure of knowing.

'I know what you're thinking,' she said, 'and I want you to know I trust you, Azriel. You will do me no harm. You couldn't.'

His eyes shuttered as he lowered them, brows still furrowed. He still held her wrist, so, pulling his arm with her, she reached out and stroked his brow with her thumb. She rubbed back and forth in gentle motions until that crease was gone, and he exhaled slowly.

'I trust you, Azriel. So kiss me.'

The moody veil of night lifted from his eyes, the tempest calming to a glistening haze. His heart still pounded, so wondrously loud as he leaned down, his free hand settling against her cheek. He was unhurried, tentative.

It was agonising. Worse still, he paused with an inch of space between their lips. His night-chilled air and cedar scent blended with the smoke and wood of the fire, seductive as it crept into her skin and twined around her bones like ribbons of mist round pillars.

With shadows flickering over his face, and the light so sultry beside them, his eyes were alluring. She'd never let herself notice that before. 'Kiss me,' she said faintly.

Elain didn't breathe as his lips touched hers.

__

Feedback's welcomed, thanks for reading 😊

@illyrian-lover-flower @julesherondalex @nooriee @mis-lil-red @verifiefangirl @tswaney17 @a-happybird @thewayshedreamed @sleeping-and-books @thefangirlofhp @januarystears @courtofjurdan @ladylochan

[rangerslayer-97]

Things That Will Never Be Said

I got hit with more inspiration and curse my brain that I can’t write anything that isn’t angst. For the time being.

Time is set where my Knight Guardian main Violcrik is the Outlander and Commander of the Alliance. Set post-Echoes of Oblivion, during the Knight only Alliance Alert "The Padawan Returns". Mentions of previous game choices during Shadow of Revan, Knights of the Fallen Empire, Eternal Throne and Onslaught.

~~~~~

WARNINGS: Angst, Hurt, Unrequited love, One-sided attraction, Minor emotional manipulation (I could be wrong, but I'm covering borders)

~~~~

Summary: Lana comes to terms that she does have buried feelings for Commander Violcrik, but learns someone else won the. Commander’s heart.

~~~~~

Dark Advisor and Alliance Second-in-Command Sith Lord Lana Beniko, the former Minister of Sith Intelligence walked the War Room as she sifts though data on her data pad from various individuals and her contacts. The Commander, former Jedi Knight and Battle Master of the Jedi Order, Violcrik Baliss was taking a much deserved break after the battle of the Meridian Shipyard Complex on Corellia. Lana worries Violcrik hasn’t given enough time to herself to relax. The Commander has always been on her feet, sometimes pulling all-nighters, drinking a lot of caff or taking a concerning amount of stims. Lana felt after Corellia, Violcrik deserves the downtime after running between Ossus, Onderon and Mek-Sha. It was one battle after another. Unbeknownst to the Republic, the Knight’s home faction, Violcrik has chosen to align with the Sith Empire. It came as a surprise to Lana, but a welcome one, even Empress Acina has been made aware of the Commander’s choice. She is pleased that the Empire now has a spy in the Republic ranks. Lana did send a subtle warning to not overstep their bounds with the Commander and that the Alliance is still an independent third-party. Empress Acina respected the warning loud and clear.

The Sith Lord understands the Commander’s reasonings. A lot of them stem from what occurred during the war against the Eternal Empire. Violcrik often confided with her about her gradually crumbling fate with the Republic. These words were normally spoken when Theron Shan, former Republic SIS Agent, was out of earshot. They knew Theron would try to remind the Jedi that the Republic is still good. Violcrik told her she felt her faction had all but abandoned her, the Jedi Order had forsaken her, though she always felt like an outcast in the Order. Lana listened when the Commander revealed the crimes she committed for the ‘good of the Republic’, two of which were definite counts of war crimes. The Sith knew Violcrik wasn’t like the other Jedi, she was emotional, passionate, will do what needs to be done. As a Dark Sider, Lana did find that as an attractive quality. These qualities often put her at odd's end with the High Jedi Council. The Commander admitted she locked horns with the Council members more than she cared to count.

It is enough to say that Lana became Violcrik's go-to for private talks, personal. The Sith advisor is good at reading people and she knows the Commander has a lot on her mind that she hasn't been able to get off her chest. Lana did suggest therapy at one point, but Violcrik laughed it off, claiming she didn't need to see a therapist; and seeing one would ruin her image and reputation. It was never brought up again. The former Jedi did open up to her about her past, it was one Lana would never wish on anyone. Alderaan is a planet for the rich, snobbery and being born out of wedlock can lead to a family name being ruined. Violcrik and her sisters were all but wiped off the family tree, none entitled to an inheritance by their father. From the way Violcrik spoke about her father, there was malice, there was anger and there was hatred. Such intense emotions almost made Lana dizzy.

During the war against the Eternal Empire, even up to now, Lana had taken time out of her schedule to teach Violcrik how to control her darkness. She won't deny there is a danger of having a rogue Dark Jedi running around the galaxy. The Sith Lord herself has witnessed several times, the Commander giving into her darkness; and many times, seeing her eyes change from deep blue to deep orange that nearly glowed. Lana won't lie there are some days she is afraid of what Violcrik is capable of if she lost control. Violcrik did prove as her short stint as Empress, that she will resort to using fear and terror. The last time she got concerned was over the Commander's reliance on Valkorion's powers when he resided inside her mind. Of course, they did get at odds with each other when Violcrik lied to her about Valkorion sharing her mind. It took some days to get one another's trust back. Yet… then she remembers the Commander went her way to save her twice and refused to leave her side during the breakout with… that's beside the point. Violcrik saved her twice and when the Alliance was set up, the Commander intended to speak to either her or Theron (long before he got banished after defeating the Order of Zildrog). Lana had a feeling Violcrik wanted to speak to her alone, but when Koth soured the mood; the Battle Master told them to forget about it and walked away.

The Dark Advisor knows things were left unsaid between them. Lana needed to know what it was. When they made love on Yavin IV after they defeated Revan, there was something between them. It wasn't just a physical attraction. While to some it may have appeared as a one-night stand or a fling, but it must not have been, otherwise Violcrik wouldn't have flirted with her during the disaster on Ziost. Though the timing was quite poor on Violcrik's end, the spark between them was there, fresh, a crackle of electricity that was about to spark into a flame. While the Commander hadn't approached to talk about her feelings, Lana respected that. She wasn't going to impose. Lana can't hold it in now after six years of waiting, she is in with love with Commander Violcrik Baliss. She tried to deny the feelings when Violcrik didn't come to her, so she held the emotions in. Now, they can't be held in any longer. Maybe the Commander was scared to come forward and admit her feelings. It is scary territory, to open yourself up and give your heart to someone. Perhaps... maybe the Commander was waiting.

Lana had tried to deny her feelings, but now… she no longer can't. Dark Advisor Lana Beniko is in love with Commander Violcrik Baliss. She's going to confess her feelings now. No more waiting. The Sith Lord turned to Teeseven, asking where the Commander is now. The astromech told her he had last seen her head to the Force Enclave, which means she's nearby. Lana thanked Teeseven, shut off her datapad and headed for the Force Enclave. She followed the Force signature she felt, small amounts of Light being drowned under the heavy blanket of Darkness.

Her heart was beating fast, Lana ran through several different ways to confess her feelings and not sound like an idiot. There was an unusual skip in the Sith Lord's step, both Republic and Imperial troops dare didn't question what made the stoic advisor so happy. Lana made it to the entrance of the Enclave. Sana-Rae was off somewhere. The advisor was about to call out to the Commander, only to see… it was Knight Carsen. She and the former Emperor's Wrath, Lord Scourge joined the Alliance after finally be ridding Valkorion and his previous incarnations, Vitiate and Tenebrae. It appears the Commander and Carsen are talking, Lana couldn't hear what, but judging by her body language; something was said to make the Commander's former Padawan disgustingly giggly like a young Jedi Initiate.

Then the two stepped into each other's personal space. Lana's heart dropped like a heavy weight. She watched as the two embraced each and… they kissed. The Commander and Carsen… kissed. So is this why Violcrik never let her feelings be known to her? Had they always belonged… to her? Then what were they? Friends? Friends with benefits? A fling? Is the Commander stupid!? Getting with Carsen, who is undoubtedly loyal to the Republic? Who is quite clearly oblivious to the Commander's true loyalty!? The Commander who is happily turning against her own faction! Who severely weakened the Republic fleet en route to Corellia and destroyed their newly built shipyard that could have tipped the war in an ongoing resource crisis!?

Fair enough, let Carsen be the one broken when the Commander's betrayal come to light. Violcrik will end up running back to her. No, she has to stop these thoughts. Lana is angry, that the Commander made her feel she was nothing more than a fling. At the same time, after the Commander went through her dark period in life after being awoken from carbonite, she can't do anything but respect the choice. Lana won't resort to pettiness, she will respect Violcrik and her choices, who she gives her heart to. It appears now, she must step back. After six years, the Commander deserves this. This… this happiness.

No, not deserve. Deserve is a crutch for the weak. Lana will take happiness where she can find it. She will not blame the Commander for finding hers.

The Dark Advisor silently slips away from the entrance of the Force Enclave, her head bowed down and a single tear slipping down her cheek.

[simplybakugou]

How can I love the heartbreak, you’re the one I love

↝ Years have passed since Bakugou met you and yet you’re all he ever thinks about. As he reconnects with you after all this time, he can’t help but reminisce on all the moments you spent with him, especially those suffocating and troubling days in the hospital in room 405.

SONG: How can i love the heartbreak, you’re the one i love by AKMU

⋆ PAIRING: bakugou x female!reader ⋆ WARNINGS/TAGS: swearing; angst; hospitals ⋆ WORD COUNT: 14636

A/N: So I initially was going to make this a fic but that shit FLOPPED so i’m just breaking this into different sections. Also, I’ve spent WEEKS trying to write this so please let me know what you think! (plus this is the longest thing I’ve ever written omg). 

It’s based off of AKMU’s song. This song is so beautiful and the link to the song is here. I also decided to remake my short fic about terminally ill s/o from a while ago and incorporate that in as well. 

Also thank you @bnhabadass​ for your editing suggestions and especially thank you to @k-atsukidayo​. I love you Fey, and thank you again for giving me such amazing suggestions and making this so much better! 

Tagging: @freckledoriya​

✐posted 05.11.2020✐

❝I purposefully take a few steps back, I look at you walking without me

There is a void beside you upon the gray road you look back❞

The weather was perfect. The breeze was subtle but still strong enough to send chills down Bakugou’s spine as he closed the door to his home behind him. He moved to shove his hands in his pockets, having to put one arm up to shield his eyes from the sun glaring down at him. He sighed as he continued along the brick path, squinting down the road.

The path was crowded and filled with all kinds of people: parents walking with their kids, couples walking hand in hand, and dogs roaming around with their owners. They were all looking up at the same thing: the cherry blossoms. The wind was perfect in assisting the blossoms as the fallen flower petals danced rhythmically against the breeze. They travelled down the path, as if they were leading Bakugou to you.

A few kids in U.A.’s uniform began running down the path, running after the petals. Bakugou couldn’t help but move the corners of his lips upwards, reminiscing on a time that felt like centuries ago.

The time when you were always by his side.

~~~

Bakugou’s leg wouldn’t stop shaking vigorously. His arms were crossed over his chest as he constantly kept checking his watch. You were late…

“If this shitty girl doesn’t show up in the next five minutes I’m getting the fuck out of here,” he grumbled under his breath.

As if you were summoned by his pure rage, you pushed open the doors to the little cafe, scanning the tables to find a certain enraged blonde. After finally locating him, you bowed your head slightly, clapping your hands together. “Forgive me! I’m really sorry.”

Bakugou felt his brow twitch. “You better have a good fucking reason for making me wait. You were the one who wanted help with studying.”

You slung your bag onto the chair next to you, sitting yourself down beside it. You reached into your bag, pulling something out. Leaning on the table, you rested your elbows on the surface. “Have you been to the brick path near school?”

“What?”

“Give me your hand.”

“What the fuck are you trying to do?”

“Just give me your hand!”

Bakugou sighed, rolling his eyes as he complied, extending his hand out in front of him. You placed the item, covering it with your hand cupping over it. “Well, that brick path has all of these beautiful cherry blossom trees. And I was just looking at them ‘cause they finally bloomed and I thought of you!”

You lifted your hand, revealing a few blossoms that you had plucked. Bakugou felt his cheeks burn up, looking the other way to avoid your gaze. “Whatever. Why the fuck would you think of me while looking at some fucking flowers?”

You shrugged, smiling. “I dunno. You were the first thing that came to mind.”

Bakugou moved his hand over, letting the flowers fall onto the table. He opened his English textbook, flipping to the middle. “Let’s just get this over with. We’re in our final year now, there’s no time to fuck around.”

***

A few months had passed since that day that you and Bakugou were preparing for midterms. You kept spending a majority of your evenings with him, using the excuse of needing his intelligence and tutelage in order to pass your classes. He would never admit it, but he enjoyed your company no matter how annoying you could get sometimes. You were just always so joyous, like you could beat the sun’s rays with your own light.

Aizawa continued teaching the class as everyone diligently paid attention. Months ago, a time in which Bakugou hadn’t spent so much time by your side, he would’ve been able to pay attention as well. But here he was, his eyes glued to your empty desk. You had asked to go to the bathroom in the middle of class. An hour had passed and you were still gone.

Aizawa looked at the clock, noticing Bakugou’s busy eyes glued to your desk. He then realized how long you had been gone. “Ashido, go check on Y/N,” Aizawa said, his back to the class as he wrote something on the chalkboard.

Mina nodded, getting up and leaving the classroom. Minutes had passed and Mina hadn’t returned either. Bakugou felt his leg shake up and down as his anxiousness only grew. What the hell is happening?

Mina finally came back, a panicked look on her face. Aizawa recognized this, pulling her out in the hallway and closed the door so the class couldn’t eavesdrop on the conversation. 

“What’s that about?” Jirou asked from her seat beside Bakugou.

Kaminari shrugged from beside her. “I’m not sure but it doesn’t look good. Hopefully nothing bad happened to Y/N.”

The rest of class went painstakingly slow. Mina couldn’t focus for the remainder of class either, her eyes fixated on the clock. Everyone wanted to ask so many questions but refrained from doing so. Finally class had ended and Bakugou didn’t hesitate to approach Mina. Kirishima, Kaminari, and Sero followed, crowding around Mina’s desk.

“What the fuck is going on?” Bakugou demanded.

“Yeah, is Y/N okay?” Kirishima asked.

Mina had her head down, hesitant as she began to speak. “I thought Y/N was just sick which was why she was taking such a long time. But when I went in, she collapsed on the floor. I think she hit her head when she fell, too, because there was blood--”

“Where is she now?” Bakugou interrupted.

“Recovery Girl transferred her to Meijo Hospital a few blocks down,” Mina responded.

Bakugou didn’t hesitate to run out of class, his feet moving faster than he could control as if they were moving on their own. He could faintly hear his friends calling out for him but he ignored them and managed to get out of the building as fast as he possibly could, his eyes locked onto the silhouette of the tall hospital building. 

He couldn’t understand why he felt something inside of him snap when he had heard that you were hurt. After all, you transferred to U.A. at the beginning of your final year. You were an outsider and you didn’t know if you would be able to assimilate into class A. But, fortunately for you, Mina was the first friend you made, inviting you to hang out with her friends often. Kirishima, Kaminari, and Sero practically opened their arms to you when you first met them. But your eyes were always drawn to the sulky blonde headed boy with the permanent frown on his face. The day you met Bakugou, you made it your mission to pester him and get close to him. Initially, Bakugou had found you to be the most irritating person he had ever had to deal with. But as the time went by and you were practically always by his side to the point where your classmates thought you two were dating, he began to oddly enjoy your company.

Bakugou ignored the stares he got from bystanders as they stared at the kid in the U.A. uniform running towards the hospital. Once he did reach it, Bakugou went straight to the front desk. “Is (L/N) (F/N) here?”

“One second,” the receptionist said, looking through her files. “Yes, she’s in room 405.”

Bakugou immediately moved towards the elevators until he noticed the long line of people patiently waiting. He cursed under his breath, running towards the stairs. His feet moved as fast they could, skipping steps all the way up until the fourth floor. His eyes began roaming rapidly at the numerous rooms in the hallway, finally reaching 405. He slid open the door, panting as he attempted to catch his breath. His eyes widened at the sight before him.

You were sitting upright on the hospital bed, a bandage around your forehead. An IV drip was attached to your forearm. You flinched at the sudden sound of the door sliding open, turning your head to the source of the sound. Your face lit up at the sight of your closest friend visiting you, your lips turning upwards. “Katsuki.”

Bakugou sighed, finally able to catch his breath. He glared at you. “You fucking idiot. What the hell happened? Why’d you collapse?”

You smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of your neck. “It seems I overworked myself. My quirk takes a lot out of me, you know.”

Your quirk, Flame, was pretty simple, just being able to expel flames from your body. But with finals and graduation creeping around the corner not to mention that you had only transferred to U.A., you felt that you had pushed yourself to keep up with everyone around you. Ignoring your health was foolish but you wanted to become a pro hero even if it was the last thing you could do.

“But I promise that I’m fine. I promise that I’ll get better before you know it.” Bakugou rolled his eyes at your foolishness. You patted the cushion of the chair that was beside your bed. “Can you stay for a while and tell me what I missed in class, Katsuki?”

“How many fucking times do I have to tell you to stop calling me by my first name? You’re the only one who does that shit!” You snickered, ignoring his words. Bakugou sighed, complying anyways as he sat down. He dropped his book bag beside him and pulled out his notes and spent the rest of his visiting hours helping you as best as he could.

~~~

Bakugou smiled at the kids in their U.A. uniforms as the memory of the two of you in that hospital room replayed over and over in his mind. It was the start to a new budding romance and yet you were damned from the start.

If Bakugou could take it all back, he sometimes thinks that he would. The pain and suffering he had to endure once meeting you was a feeling he wouldn’t wish upon even his worst enemy. But everytime he thinks he would’ve been better off without meeting you, he knew he wasn’t fooling himself with such a lie. You were always on his mind ever since the day he met you back in U.A., like you had casted a spell on him since the beginning.

And after all these years had passed, you were still charming him. You’re still the only thing on his mind.

❝Just then, I realized that I can never leave your side

No matter the distance and the problems that we faced, it's easier to fight against than the thought of letting go

So, tell me now, how can I love the heartbreak when you’re the one I love

To give you up because of love or from the heartache and pain, oh my heart, that's something I can never do❞

As Bakugou walked down the brick road, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out, answering the call and brought the device to his ear.

“What?”

“Hello to you, too,” Kirishima said with a laugh. “I was just calling ‘cause I don’t see you at the agency today. Kaminari, Sero, and I were coming by to see if you wanted to catch up after all this time. It has been two years since we’ve talked about our lives other than work, ya know.”

“I took the day off. I’m gonna spend it with Y/N.”

Kirishima paused for a moment and sighed. “After all these years, you’re still ditching us to see her.” His tone was light so Bakugou knew he was only teasing him. “I get it. It’s been years since you’ve seen her. We’ll catch up another time.”

“Thanks… for understanding.”

“Don’t mention it, man. Say hi to her for me.” As he hung up, Bakugou couldn’t help but feel a strange tug in his chest, as if there was a fire burning inside him. Everytime he thought about you, you always made him feel that way and the way you always “promised” to get better. Promise. That was your favorite word. You always made promises that you knew you couldn’t keep. Bakugou couldn’t help but reminisce on all the times you made such foolish lies. You were better off becoming an actress than being a hero, being too foolish to be a hero. A foolish hero that cared more about others than her own health.

~~~

“Don’t forget the food!” Mitsuki yelled from the kitchen as she pushed piles of bento wrapped in furoshiki into her son’s hands. “Oh! And she’s probably bored in there so I got her some magazines.” She opened up Bakugou’s bookbag and shoved the magazines inside.

Bakugou groaned. “You’re going overboard. She’s gonna think I’m fucking insane.”

Mitsuki flicked her son upside the head. “No, she’s gonna see how much you care for her. Now get out!”

She practically shoved her son outside, slamming the door shut. Bakugou grumbled under his breath holding the furoshiki in one hand and shoving his other hand in his pocket. The sun was beaming down on him and the cloth in his hand made his palm sweat. The several children playing around outside irritated Bakugou, especially when they started to stare at the now infamous class A hero in training. Nevertheless he ignored them, thankful that Meijo Hospital was so close to his house.

He entered the building, the nurses and receptionists greeting him as he was now a frequent visitor. They whispered amongst themselves, fascinated that among your classmates and friends, Bakugou was the only one who never failed to see you every single day, no matter how busy he was with finals and graduation.

Once the elevator reached the fourth floor, it was like second nature by now for Bakugou’s feet to take him to room 405. He slid the door open, surprised to see your bed empty. One of the nurses turned around as she was changing the sheets on your bed. “Oh, Bakugou. If you’re looking for Y/N, she’s on the roof.”

Bakugou was puzzled. “The roof? The hell is she doing up there?”

The nurse laughed at his reaction. “She wanted some fresh air. She’s been holed up in this room for months so we let her spend some time up there.”

Bakugou nodded, closing the door as he made his way back to the elevator. Truthfully, it had been months since you were first admitted to the hospital. No one told Bakugou why you were in there, and everytime he asked you about it, you would quickly change the subject. It was quite obvious that there was something you were hiding, especially since even the nurses and doctors never told Bakugou anything. There was no way that overexerting your quirk could make you hospitalized for all this time.

Bakugou pushed open the door to the roof with his foot, shielding his eyes with his free hand from the beaming sun. He could barely see from the sun’s fierce rays but through slit and squinted eyes, he could make out your back. You were facing away from him, looking down below the building. He walked closer to you, setting down his bag and the food gently so he didn’t scare you. Leaning forward, he rested his forearms on the ledge on the concrete, looking down at what you were engrossed in. 

The height of the enormous hospital building allowed you to see for miles upon miles of buildings and freeways. U.A. was at the epicenter of all of the attention, the school standing tall amongst the smaller buildings. But amongst all of the chaos of the city, there was a brick path, which was elongating throughout the city. Among that path, rows upon rows of cherry blossom trees decorated the edges as if meticulously laid out like ornaments.

You finally took notice of Bakugou's existence, flinching a little at his sudden presence. “Katsuki? I didn’t even hear you come.”

Bakugou gestured to the view below you. “Probably ‘cause you were too focused on this.”

You smiled, resting one forearm on the ledge due to your other arm being connected to the IV drip. “It just looks so pretty. The trees stand out so much, especially all the pink petals floating around.”

“Only you’d pay attention to something so dumb.”

You jutted out your bottom lip in a pout. “You’re just a debbie downer and can’t appreciate life in all its glory.”

Bakugou rolled his eyes at you, but noticed how your knees began to tremble as you gripped tighter onto the IV stand for support. Before your legs caved in, nearly crashing onto the concrete, Bakugou sprung quickly into action. He caught you, protected you, one arm grabbing your hip and the other circling your lower back. You were flustered, not only from the sudden contact, but from the weakness of your limbs.

Bakugou fought off the urge to look away from how close the two of you were, focusing on maneuvering you over to one of the benches that were laid out on the rooftop. “Are you okay?”

You blinked, as if you were taking yourself out of a trance from the shock. “I’m… I’m fine.”

Bakugou felt his cheeks burn up as he thought about what he just did and as a way to take his attention from that, he decided to confront you with a question he so desperately wanted to know the answer to, “Why are you really here for? There’s no way using your quirk too much can make you fucking collapse like this.”

You pursed your lips together, wheeling the IV over to the side of the bench. “It’s actually complicated. I’ve always been sick since I was a kid so this happens sometimes.”

“Sometimes?”

You nodded. “It’s happened before but I always bounce back up, I swear. You don’t have to worry about me, Katsuki.”

Bakugou scoffed, looking the other way. “I didn’t say shit about me worrying. The others kept annoying me and asking questions about, s’all.”

You laughed, knowing Bakugou’s behavior all too well. “Speaking of, why’d you visit this time?”

“Alright, I’ll just fucking leave then--”

“No!” You said, laughing as you grabbed onto his forearm and pulled him back down next to you. Your touch was cold against his warm skin “I wasn’t complaining. I really do enjoy your company.”

“Tch, you better.” He leaned down and grabbed the furoshiki and his bookbag. “I didn’t have my old hag pack you all this food and take more notes for you for nothing.”

“Your mom cooked for me again?” You asked, your mouth watering already despite not even consuming Mitsuki’s delicious food yet. “You really don’t have to do all this for me, I’m alright, I swear.”

“‘Alright’ my ass. I’ve told you before that I don’t mind doing this and I’m not just gonna stop because you feel bad.” He pulled out his notebooks, ignoring your groans. Finals were around the corner and then came graduation. Bakugou, although he would never admit it to you, was concerned with what you were planning to do here on out. No matter how many times you tried to convince him and tell him that you were going to get better soon, he couldn’t believe you.

A gust of wind past as you felt your (H/C) locks sway along with its rhythm. The pages to Bakugou’s notebooks turned rapidly. You let out a gasp as the wind died down. “Look!”

The cherry blossoms from the path had blown its petals over with the wind. They fell softly and silently, as if they were snowflakes in the winter’s harsh conditions. But the sun contradicted this illusion as its ray lit up the petals like tiny pink fairy lights. You were smiling from ear to ear at the sight, cupping your hands together as an attempt to catch as many petals as you could. Bakugou watched on, feeling his heart rate increasing the more he laid his eyes on you.

You turned to him. “Close your eyes,” you commanded. 

Bakugou sighed, not having the energy to defy you and knowing that you were planning to do something with those petals. That was why your next actions shocked him more than he could have ever imagined. 

He heard you let out a deep sigh. “I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time ‘cause I was too scared to do it. But I’ve been feeling a little… brave now.”

Before Bakugou could let out the words “do what?” he sucked in a breath as he felt your warm lips plant themselves onto his own as you cupped his face in your cold hands. The wind continued to blow softly, your hair flowing along with it as the fruity smell of your hair engulfed his nostrils. Your kiss was gentle like your smile and Bakugou felt himself become hotter. Your lips were soft and warm, unlike your ice cold touch.

You pulled away, your face flushed as the gravity of your actions set into your mind. Bakugou felt his own face heat up as he began to realize what you had done, dropping the notebooks from his lap. His eyes were wide, his mouth agape in incredulity. You let out a snicker, immediately angering Bakugou.

“What the hell is so funny?” He asked, his cheeks flushed.

You shook your head. “You just looked so cute, Katsuki.”

“C-ute?” Bakugou whispered slowly in disbelief. You were unbelievable, mind-boggling at times to him. 

You sighed. “I just didn’t know how to thank you. But every time I tried thinking of a way, nothing came up so I decided to do that.”

You stared at Bakugou’s face for a minute, basking in his expression. For a second, you felt a tug in your chest, like you didn’t want to ever forget his expressive crimson eyes. You scooted closer to him on the bench and leaned over, wrapping your arms around his neck as best as you could from your position. Everything you did just sent utter confusion to Bakugou’s brain, his body feeling rigid against your touch. “I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me. If I’m being honest, I don’t know exactly when I’ll get better. It might be four months or four years, I don’t know.”

You pulled away from him, holding his hands in your own. He had callouses all over the palms of his hands but even though there were bumps and ridges on his skin, he felt so warm and soothing. “You don’t have to put up with this anymore. You can walk out right now, and I won’t think ill of you. You’re heading into the real world as a pro and you deserve to not have to worry about me.”

Bakugou felt his face become hotter, but not from shock or embarrassment this time. He felt angry with you. He was angered that despite everything he had done for you, the daily visits, the tutor sessions, or the lunch breaks with him, you felt as if he was ready to just walk away.

Bakugou parted his lips to say something but you shook your head. “You don’t have to say anything now, I’m serious. I honestly don’t know when I’ll get better. I have my family looking after me so you don’t have to worry about me. You should focus on finals and graduation and your future.”

His eyes stared back into your own, trying to decipher what was going through that head of yours. The things you said and did were all unfathomable and incomprehensible. It made things even harder for Bakugou to say anything. Only you would be the kind of person to kiss someone and then give them the option to walk out of your life.

Before Bakugou could even think another thought, the door to the rooftop entrance opened. Your nurse smiled at the two of you, pointing at her watch to indicate that it was time for your medicine. You nodded, using your IV stand as a crutch as you pulled yourself up to your feet. Bakugou stood up quickly, holding your forearm in his hand to steadily hold you up.

“Can you walk?” 

You rolled your eyes playfully. “Don’t underestimate me too much.”

Ignoring your words, Bakugou stood behind you, ready to catch you if you so happened to fall. He had his hand hovering over the small of your back as you walked back into the building. The nurse smiled at Bakugou as she put her hand to the IV stand. “I’m guessing we’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Uh, yeah.”

You smiled and waved back at him. “Thank you and your family for everything, Katsuki. And please consider what I said seriously.”

Bakugou watched as you and the nurse walked back to room 405, the sound of the door sliding open and close echoing through the hallway. He stayed there for a few moments before finally deciding to go back home. 

***

On any other day, Bakugou was able to fall asleep fairly quickly and early as he was unusually strict about his sleeping schedule. But tonight, his mind was whirring with an abundance of thoughts. And you were the only thing that kept popping up in his mind. He felt himself blush as he envisioned your lips on his over and over again. He threw the duvet off of him as he began to grow hot the more he saw your face. Bakugou got up and went to the bathroom; turned the sink on and splashed cold water onto his face.

Your words and voice kept echoing through his mind as well. He wished he could tell you how he felt and how angry he felt when you spoke to him as if you were running on borrowed time. But he didn’t get the chance to question you any further.

A few knocks came through from the opposite side of the door, snapping Bakugou out his trance as he opened the door. Masaru stood by the doorframe, a puzzled expression on his face. “Katsuki, what’re you doing up so late?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Bakugou said curtly, flicking the light switch off and making his way back to his bedroom.

Masaru followed him, standing by the door as he watched his son sit on the edge of his bed and stare up at the ceiling. “Is something bothering you?”

“It’s nothing, just school stuff.”

“Is it about Y/N?” Bakugou looked back down at his father and Masaru smiled as he was able to correctly read his son. “I had a feeling something happened with her.”

Masaru walked inside and closed the door behind him, turning the light on. He sat beside Bakugou as his son continued staring at the space in front of him. “How’s she doing?”

Bakugou let out an exasperated sigh. “I can’t tell for sure. She’s not giving me a straight answer and it’s pissing me off. Like she’s keeping a huge secret from me.”

Bakugou paused for a moment, internally deciding whether or not to confide in his father. Deciding to do so, he glanced at Masaru momentarily. “I need advice.”

Masaru raised his brows slightly. He knew Bakugou as someone who always kept to himself and disliked others prying in his life. It was the first time he was coming forward and asking for something. “Of course, son! What’s wrong?”

“It’s about Y/N. She was being… nice...” Bakugou cleared his throat, not wanting to address the kiss, “she was being nice all day but all of a sudden she said some bullshit about giving me the option to walk out of her life and not have to worry about her. It’s all I can think about and it’s fucking pissing me off.”

“Why is it making you feel annoyed?”

Bakugou turned around to face his father, an irritated expression on his face. “Because I’ve been busting my ass off and helping her out all this time and she’s repaying me by saying she wants me to ‘think about my future.’ She’s acting like she’s gonna die tomorrow and she’s fucking giving up.”

“Hmm…” Masaru hummed, thinking for a moment before continuing. “Seems to me that she’s trying to spare your feelings.”

Bakugou furrowed his brows in confusion. “Spare my feelings?”

“I think it’s safe to assume that what Y/N is dealing with isn’t something that’s going to allow her to live her life normally like she used to a few months ago. This… illness that she’s dealing with must be long-term and she doesn’t want you to have to see her in her most vulnerable state. She wants you to focus on your life.”

Bakugou scoffed, his hands clenching into fists. “That idiot… why the fuck would I spend so much time visiting her and looking after her if I was gonna just walk away like a fucking moron? If she thinks she can just deal with this all without at least talking to someone then she’s a bigger idiot that I thought she was.”

“So you’re trying to say that you’re going to always be there for her no matter what?”

Bakugou hesitated, realization setting in as he began to understand the whirlwind of confused thoughts and feelings inside of him. “Yeah…”

Masaru smiled. “Then go tell her! It’s no good for you to just sit around and talk to me. The poor girl probably thinks you’re just leaving like that.”

Bakugou’s hands rested on his knees, fingers clenching around the fabric of his pants as he pondered momentarily. Everytime he attempted to figure out what to say around you, he couldn’t help but feel mentally aggravated. You were always confusing him and throwing curveballs at him to make him feel thirty different emotions at the same time. Bakugou turned to face his Dad once more. 

“I don’t know what the fuck I’m gonna say when I get there but I’ll try.” He got up, grabbing his hoodie as he made his way out. He stopped in the hallway, turning around. “Thanks… I guess.”

Masaru smiled as he watched his son grab his keys and leave the house. In all of the years he’s watched his only child grow, he’s never seen the amount of emotion and vigor Bakugou possessed until he was around you or talked about you. Even a girl he had known for only more than a couple of months had such an effect on him that even he didn’t realize what you were doing to him.

***

Bakugou opened the doors to the hospital, his chest rising up and down as he attempted to recollect himself after sprinting all the way here. The receptionist at the front desk looked at him with a concerned look. “Bakugou? What’re you doing here so late? Visiting hours just finished.”

Bakugou leaned on the counter. “Please let me see her. I just need a few minutes, not that long.” 

The woman looked weary, looking down at her clipboard but Bakugou wasn’t going to take no for an answer. “Five minutes. I just need to tell her something and I’ll leave. I swear.”

The woman sighed. “I’ll be in real trouble for this so please make it quick. Five minutes is all you get.”

Bakugou sighed in relief, running towards the stairs before the woman could even utter another word. He used his quirk to maneuver himself up quicker than normal and kicked open the door once he reached the fourth floor. He didn’t bother knocking on your door either, sliding the door open so quickly it clattered against the wall causing a loud clank. 

You jumped in your bed, dropping one of the notebooks Bakugou had given you. Sitting up, you were puzzled as to why he was here so late. “Katsuki, what’re you--”

“You’re a fucking idiot.”

You were taken aback, usually being accustomed to his abrasiveness. “What?”

He took a few steps towards you, standing directly in front of your bed. The proximity of his body to yours even made you flustered. “I don’t give a fuck if you’re sick. You think I didn’t realize that you were going through something serious after being hospitalized for months? There’s no way I’m leaving you now, not when you’re acting like you’re fine when you’re obviously having to deal with a shitty situation. And I don’t give a fuck about what you say or think, I’m gonna be here whether you like it or not.”

Bakugou continued breathing heavily, both from coming here at such a fast pace and from his own words that were spewing out of his mouth. Every other time he was around you, he didn’t know what the right thing to say was, always ending up second guessing himself. But that was every other time. He finally decided to go with his gut and tell you how he was feeling without thinking about the aftermath.

You smiled, laughter escaping your lips. The sound filled the room and Bakugou was confused. “Why… Why the hell are you laughing?!”

You giggled, pulling on his shirt and making him sit by your bed. Cupping his face in your hands, you grinned widely. “You’re incredible, Bakugou Katsuki.”

Bakugou stared back at you, ignoring the heat in his cheeks as he felt your glacial-like hands against his skin. He took your hands away from his face and you watched curiously as he held your hands earnestly. He controlled his quirk enough to heat your hands up, making you feel warmth in your fingertips for the first time in months. 

Your fingers brushed over the various calluses on his hands. “I heard you loud and clear. And I’m sorry if I made you angry with what I said. I just didn’t want you to have your hopes up.”

He looked into your eyes directly and intently. “The minute I met you I had my hopes up. I’ve had my hopes up every time I’ve been around you. I mean it, Y/N. You’re gonna have to rip me apart limb from limb if you want me to leave your side now.”

You laughed again, squeezing his hand in yours. In that moment, you had never felt so much warmth practically radiating off of another person. Although all of these feelings and emotions were stirring inside you, you were too afraid to do anything with them. The news of the severity of your sickness made you feel more ambitious than usual but it also made you more hesitant. You didn’t want Bakugou to be involved in something that he wouldn’t know what would be the outcome. Who knew when you would get better and if you would ever recover completely, but in that moment, you refused to let the physical nature of your body control how you would live your life.

❝Should I turn back around a few more times?

We walk along together upon the desolate road, conversation lacking substance

We look out into the distance where the light shines

I realized just then I can no longer move forward

Every step brings me closer to our end and the hand I used to hold seems to vanish in the wind❞

Bakugou shoved his phone in his pocket, the sweat already formulating in his hands as he felt the heat of the summer take its effect on him. He paid no mind to the various looks that he received from onlookers and passerbys. Kids bounced up and down excitedly to their parents, whispering, “Look, it’s Ground Zero!” 

Even the old lady running the flower cart was appalled as the infamous hero stopped in front of her stand. She stared curiously as Bakugou inspected the variety of bouquets she had laid out before him. He had his eyes set on a specific one: a completely white bouquet of tulips with hints of pink cherry blossoms hidden behind the fragile white petals.

Bakugou pointed to the bouquet, handing the elderly woman a wad of cash. “I’ll take that one.”

The woman was snapped from her staring, grabbing the bouquet and handing it to him. She smiled. “That must be for someone special.”

Bakugou looked down at the bouquet and down the long path he had yet to walk past. He smiled slightly. “You could say that…”

~~~

Bakugou clenched the bag of pastries in his left hand tightly as he pushed open the now familiar doors to Meijo Hospital. Yaoyorozu and Mina were excited and bubbly when they told Bakugou about visiting you when they ran into him during patrol. Truthfully, he felt guilty for not visiting you as often as he could. Now being a pro hero, he was constantly given work that put him in a position to have to rely on texting and calling you. Once he was free of work, it was already too late as visiting hours were closed. Nevertheless, you always reassured him and told him that you understood that he was busy saving people and you never once complained either. But he couldn’t help but think: were you lonely in that desolate room?

“Ground Zero!” The same receptionist behind the desk from Bakugou’s days in U.A. exclaimed with a bright smile. The other fairly new receptionists were shocked at the sight of the newly professional hero before them. “It’s been so long, I was wondering when you were coming.”

“I was busy. Is she still in room…?”

“405? Yup, she’s still in the same room,” the receptionist said, gesturing down the wide room towards the elevator. 

Bakugou made his way towards the elevators, stopping in front of them as he finally took notice of the numerous eyes set on him as people began whispering to one another. Even though he thought he would’ve gotten used to the attention, and although most days he didn’t mind it, he felt particularly annoyed that day. He rolled his eyes, choosing to take the stairs instead. He trudged up the stairs, his footfalls echoing through the empty and long space. 

The closer he got to the fourth floor, the heavier his chest felt. The last time he saw you was almost three weeks ago and he noticed how you had gotten sicker and sicker. Your cheekbones were poking against your skin as your face looked sunken in. Seeing how you had not only lost a considerable amount of weight but also how you looked weaker overall made Bakugou experience a pain he never thought he’d be able to feel. And despite your deteriorating appearance, you still had the brightest smile on your face. Your eyes lit up in a manner like no other and you continued to amaze Bakugou.

Bakugou finally reached your door, lingering outside for a few moments. He peered inside through the small frame of glass, watching as you sat up on your bed and looked down at your hands. You had a candle in your hands, taking in a large breath before attempting to use your quirk. You were fully concentrated on the wick of the candle as you slowly lifted your hand to the wick. Just as a small spark of a flame was beginning to form at the palm of your hand, you couldn’t control it and the flames engulfed the entire candle. 

Right as Bakugou moved to push open the door to help you, you dropped it to the floor, instinctively grabbing the fire extinguisher and putting the mess out. You dropped the extinguisher to the floor as well, the metal causing a loud clanging sound to erupt even past the door. Bakugou watched as your fists grabbed the bed sheets in aggravation. The tears naturally fell from your eyes and there was no stop to them. You were holding in so many emotions and you couldn’t hold it in any longer. It was too tiring to act like you were always kept together when you just wanted to crumble sometimes.

Bakugou felt his hand clenching the handle of the door, slowly and quietly sliding it open. You didn’t bother looking up, expecting one your parents to have walked in to console you. “Mom, Dad, please leave me alone. I really want to be alone.” The words left your lips like a whisper.

You were greeted by a pair of sturdy arms wrapping themselves around your shaking body, a familiar yet comforting smell, hints of a caramel and earth fragrance engulfing your nostrils. Bakugou was warm against you, like he always was. But he felt even warmer that day. 

Bakugou rubbed your back, dropping the bag of pastries on the stand by your bed. “I don’t know exactly what’s going on and I wanna think that you’re keeping it from me to spare my feelings. But you’re not in this alone. You don’t have to shoulder this pain on your own. You’re human and you don’t deserve to beat yourself up over this shit.”

The lump in your throat rose as uncontrollable sobs escaped your lips. Hearing Bakugou’s voice, one that you had missed listening to, made you feel comforted but the severity of your condition was taking a toll on not only your body but also your mental well-being. It had already been nearly two years since you were hospitalized. 

Your tears painted his black tee but Bakugou didn’t mind as he rested his cheek against the top of your head and continued to rub your back. Sometimes the only thing you could do was let the tears fall until they ran out and it made it better to have someone there to just hold you.

“I’m sorry,” you choked out, wiping away the tears from your face and pulling away from Bakugou. 

His hands rests on your shoulders, staring at you with disbelief and concern. “You don’t have to be sorry about this.”

You shook your head. “I… I should’ve just rejected you that night. I shouldn’t have let you get close to me.”

“What do you mean, Y/N?” The way your voice sounded frantic and rushed was mildly scaring Bakugou.

“The doctor is giving me the option of surgery to help me out but the chances of me making it out alive is slim,” you whispered, your voice breaking as you spoke. 

Bakugou was perplexed, not understanding why you needed surgery in the first place but it also made him realize the severity of your condition. You looked up at him, laughing at yourself as you realized Bakugou’s confusion as you hadn’t told him what was happening to you. “I’m sorry for not explaining it before… but without making it too complex, my quirk is hurting me. It’s funny ‘cause it’s such a simple quirk, just some flames, but it’s not simple at the same time. Katsuki… my quirk is destroying me from the inside out.”

Bakugou didn’t realize how tightly he was gripping your shoulders as his crimson eyes looked back and forth from one eye to the other. He was waiting for the punchline, waiting for this to be a sick joke and that you weren’t in such a serious situation. He wanted to see your face break out into a smile, that same smile that made him fall head over heels for you. He waited for a moment but he felt his heart shatter to pieces as he continued to look back at the broken girl sitting before him. 

He engulfed you back into his arms, holding onto your frail body tight enough that it wasn’t hurting you. He nuzzled his face into the crook on your neck, feeling the frustration build up within him. He never wanted to let you go ever again. 

“It’s gonna be okay.”

The tears started culminating again as the sobs escaped your lips. Your hands gripped onto Bakugou’s black tee so tightly that you could feel your own fingernails stab into your palm. “I don’t know what to do, Katsu. What do I do? I’m so scared.”

Bakugou was at a loss for words. He didn’t know either, didn’t know how to comfort you or how to take away the fear you were experiencing. He pulled away from you, brushing away the hairs that were sticking to your tear soaked cheeks. 

He let out a sigh. “If this surgery works, will you be okay?”

You nodded. “If it’s a success, my quirk won’t be any good but I’ll be able to live again. But if I don’t take it… there’s barely a guarantee that I’ll be able to live, too.”

Bakugou’s lips curled upwards slightly. “Then there’s your answer. You need to take any chance to get better, to get out of this fucking room. This is your life, Y/N. And I know you’re not the type to take this shit lying down.”

You sniffled, nodding along with him. “I am tired of this room. And… I just want to walk on my own two feet again. But I’m just so scared. I know that if I don’t take this surgery, I’ll be dead but this is just speeding up the process and the stakes are so high.”

Bakugou brought his hand up and patted your hair down. “There’s nothing to be scared of. Not when you’ve got your family and friends here. Not when you’ve got me here and there’s no way I’m letting some fucking quirk or sickness take you from me.”

A small laugh erupted within you, the first smile you had for weeks on your face. You brought your usual icy-cold hands up to cup Bakugou’s face, rubbing your thumb along the new scar on his brow bone from the last villain’s attack. “I keep hearing all the nurses say how strong and handsome ‘Pro Hero Ground Zero’ is. And whenever I see you on the news, I keep imagining the day I get to see you in your hero costume and see in person how you keep saving people’s lives.”

Your smile intensified as you looked back up at Bakugou’s eyes. You were deprived three weeks of seeing your boyfriend, wanting to bask in this moment longer than usual. “I kept thinking of that, you know, kept thinking about the day I can see you and spend time with you outside of this dreadful room. It’s been the only thing keeping me going.”

You sighed, leaning into him and pressing your cheek against his chest. You could hear how fast his heart began to beat, how even the slightest touch made him go crazy. “I don’t know how I could ever repay you for all of the things you’ve done for me, Katsuki.”

Bakugou scoffed, bringing his arms up to hold you against him. “I haven’t done shit, if anything I’m doing the bare minimum. All I’m doing is seeing you, that’s it.”

You shook your head against him. “You don’t understand. As much as I appreciate and love my parents and the others for visiting, the way I feel when I see your face is a feeling I can’t describe in words. Sometimes I feel like giving up, just throwing in the towel ‘cause sometimes that’s just easier. But then I think of you and how persistent and determined you are. I think about how you’ve never given up in your life, not even for a second. Most people see that ambition in you as arrogant but I see it as brave. And I want to be like you.”

Bakugou sighed once more. “You’re unbelievable. You’re the one in the hospital and here you are hyping me up and making my ego bigger than it already fucking is.”

A breathless laugh escaped your lips. Your arms tightened around his firm torso. “You’re a hero, Katsuki. You’re my hero.”

❝So, tell me now, how can I love the heartbreak when you’re the one I love,

To give you up because of love or from the heartache and pain

No, my heart, that's something I can never do❞

Bakugou groaned as his phone began vibrating once again. He begrudgingly fished it out on his pocket, answering it without bothering to acknowledge the caller ID. “What?”

“What, even your mother can’t get a decent ‘hello’ just ‘cause her son’s famous now?” Mitsuki huffed from the other line.

Bakugou rolled his eyes as he continued walking down the path. “What is it?”

“Kirishima called and told me that you’re visiting Y/N.” That fucking snitch… “Your dad wanted me to check up on you since it’s been two years since you’ve seen her.”

“He’s worrying for nothing. I’m fine.”

“Katsuki, you’re not fooling anyone. I can smell the bullshit all the way from here.” Bakugou could hear his mother sigh. “Are you sure you need to see her today? The way you two ended things...”

“Something’s telling me to meet up with her today, okay? I need to see her.”

Mitsuki paused before letting out another sigh. “I can’t even complain about your stubbornness ‘cause you got it from me. Since you’ve made up your mind, tell her ‘hi’ from me and your dad. And tell her we’ve missed her.”

“Alright.” He hung up, shoving his phone back into his pocket. He felt his heart skip a beat when the cool metal touched his fingertips. His feet stopped moving, the gust of wind blowing against his body as numerous cherry blossom petals floated against the wind. The metal band shined in the sun’s light, the giant diamond sitting on the band shining even brighter. Bakugou’s fingers curled around the ring in a fist. The memories from this ring were his favorite, one that he could recall perfectly. It was the one of the last times he saw that beautiful smile on your face, the smile that radiated purity and serenity.

~~~

The weather was practically unbearable that day. Bakugou could feel beads of sweat sliding down his forehead and neck as well as a pool forming at his palms and fingertips. Not only was he worn out from work and patrolling, the weather was just adding onto the trouble.

“Hmm, I wonder who you’re going to visit, Bakugou,” the same old receptionist teased as Bakugou walked up to the front desk and signed his name under the visiting section. She gasped as she took the clipboard from him. 

“If I’m not here, who’s gonna keep that shitty girl company?” Bakugou said with a smirk, gripping the plastic bag in his hand.

The receptionist laughed as he walked away and said good-bye. It was like second nature by now to walk into Meijo Hospital to the point where Bakugou recognized nearly every doctor and nurse in your wing. A few of them grinned as he walked past them, going towards good ole room 405.

Bakugou slid the door open, confused as to why your room was empty. He looked down the hallway, getting the attention of one of the nurses. “Where’s Y/N?”

“She was with Nurse Takahashi earlier. She wanted some fresh air so I think she’s on the first floor,” the nurse responded.

Bakugou sighed, sliding the door shut. “This girl’s making me go through this whole fucking building to find her…” he thought to himself.

He begrudgingly made his way down to the first floor, deciding to take the elevator for once. Once he reached the lobby, he scanned the area, attempting to spot your (H/C) locks. He stepped outside, getting frustrated as he couldn’t figure out where you were. Knowing you, you were most likely hiding somewhere trying to scare him.

Which was exactly what you were doing.

Your attempt at popping out from the bush area, screaming ‘boo!’ was a fail as not only did Bakugou expect you to do that, but your being in a wheelchair didn’t help either.

Bakugou rolled his eyes. “You’re always doing shit to give me a hard time, huh?”

You grinned widely. “Of course. I have to keep you on your toes.”

You wheeled yourself forward, heading away from the building. “Come on!”

“Are you even allowed to be out here?”

You nodded. “Mhm. Takahashi let me have some free time since I’m fully recovered from the surgery. Plus, I told him Ground Zero was coming to keep an eye on me.”

Bakugou sighed, placing the plastic bag in your lap as he took the handles on the wheelchair in his fists and wheeled you forward. “You’re not on the IV anymore?”

You shook your head, gasping inwardly in delight at the sight of the popsicles inside the bag. “I’m off pain killers. It’s been two weeks since the surgery, you know.”

“You still have to be careful. Didn’t that nurse guy say that there still isn’t a one-hundred percent chance of that quirk of yours being destroyed?”

You rolled your eyes playfully, licking the cool popsicle. “I’m fine, I swear. You’d think that with the six years we’ve been together you’d trust me more.”

“It’s ‘cause I’ve known you for six damn years that I know you get too excited and get reckless,” Bakugou huffed. 

You snickered, leaning back. The preparation for the long-awaited surgery was one of the most nerve wracking experiences of your life. Just waiting for the day to come was the scariest part. Due to the severity of the process, as the medical staff was attempting to extract your quirk from you, it took years to prepare for it. Although using something as drastic as the Quirk-Destroying Drug used by the villain Overhaul would have made the process quicker and easier, the drug was mandated illegal for the purpose of the drug as well as the way in which it was created. 

Once you went through with the surgery, the recovery period was also difficult to deal with. Your body was learning how to function again as years have passed since the quirk was slowly killing your insides. Although you were off painkillers, it would still take time and lots of physical and mental therapy to be how you were when you were just a teenager. Even though the surgery was a success, your quirk was reduced to the size of a fraction of a bean, meaning that there was still a chance that it could grow and weaken your body once again. Nevertheless, you took that chance and here you were, on your way to a normal life.

Although the recovery period was difficult and it is still difficult functioning everyday, Bakugou was there by your side for all of it. He made sure to visit and help your parents out as much as he could, balancing a demanding job on top of this. He would often get scolded by his agency but he didn’t give a damn. You were his top priority and you will always be his top priority.

You crossed your arm over your shoulder, putting your hand over Bakugou’s. He felt comforted by how warm your touch had become. “I’ve missed you, Katsuki.”

“The hell do you mean, I’ve been here the whole time?” Bakugou asked, pushing you towards the brick path he knew you loved so much.

You laughed, shrugging your shoulders. “I don’t know. It’s just that I haven’t been myself, my true self all these years because of all of this and now I finally feel like it again.”

Bakugou smiled softly. For years he saw the effects of your quirk on your physical and mental well-being. As much as you tried to be optimistic for him, your parents, and friends, Bakugou knew that deep down you were terrified and tired of being stuck in that damn room.

You pointed to one of the many wooden benches surrounding the edges of the path, one sitting right under a cherry blossom tree. “Let’s sit over there.”

Bakugou maneuvered you beside the bench, sitting down so he was right next to you. You handed him a popsicle, one that he took happily as the sun’s intensity only increased. Although Bakugou had gotten used to it, you were shocked at how many people were staring at the two of you. You smiled. “I knew you were popular but I didn’t know you were this popular.”

Bakugou smirked, crumpling the wrapper and throwing it into the plastic bag. “You’re looking at a top hero. Of course they’re all staring.”

You laughed. “They’re probably wondering who I am next to you.”

“They can wonder all they want. I don’t give a fuck what they think but if anyone even thinks about saying any nasty comments about you, I’ll fucking destroy them.”

You chuckled, shaking your head and leaning into him. “Always so violent no matter what, huh?”

Bakugou rolled his eyes, wiping the sweat from his forehead. Eventually the people stopped staring right in front of you, slowly walking past you and making you feel comfortable with the lack of prying eyes. You took notice to Bakugou’s bangs sticking to his forehead, pulling out one of your hair clips. Clipping his hairs back onto his head, Bakugou flinched at your sudden action. “The hell are you doing?”

“You looked hot so I’m just helping you out.” You giggled at how cute he looked, forehead exposed to the world and his same old grumpy face.

“I better not look stupid with this shit in my hair,” he grumbled.

“You look a-dor-able,” you said, enunciating slowly. You pointed down the path. “Let’s go! That’s enough lounging around!”

“You’re the one who wanted to sit here.”

“I know but I want to go down this whole path before the sunsets and we have to head back to the hospital.”

“Alright, gimme a second,” Bakugou said, standing up and pushing you once more.

As you walked with him, Bakugou yelled as he realized the amount of people snickering as they walked past you guys, taking notice to his new hairdo. You laughed along with them and despite his complaining and whining, Bakugou didn’t dare to touch his hair.

Unfortunately, your wish to reach the end of the path was cut short as a woman screaming startled everyone in the area as well as you and Bakugou. Bakugou whipped his head around to the source of the sound, you leaning on the side of the wheelchair to catch a glimpse of the commotion. Bakugou only needed a few seconds to spot a man in a hoodie running in the opposite direction of a flustered woman pointing at him. He had a purse in his hand.

“This asshole,” Bakugou muttered. He quickly pushed you to the side of the path so that you weren’t in the middle of the walkway. “Wait right here.”

“Oka--”

Bakugou ran in the opposite direction before you could say anything else, pushing his hands behind him and using his quirk to increase his momentum. He looked behind him momentarily, making sure no one was behind him to be harmed by his quirk. Once he got closer to the culprit, he yelled, “Hey! Asshole!”

The man turned around, gasping as Bakugou kicked him to the ground, his foot on his torso as the man groaned in pain from the impact of his kick. Bakugou leaned down, snatching the purse from his hand. Fortunately, due to being so close to a hospital, a few security guards rushed towards Bakugou, taking care of the man and thanking Bakugou for his help. Even bystanders walking down the brick path began cheering and clapping, getting a glimpse of the infamous Ground Zero at work. 

Bakugou made his way down the path, handing the woman her purse silently before walking towards you. “Thank you, hero!” She called out.

Bakugou waved her off as he caught sight of you, a wide smile on your face as you were joining in on the clapping. Bakugou scoffed at you, moving your wheelchair from the curb. “You don’t have to clap.”

“Oh, come on! It’s my first time seeing you in action, it was exciting!” You exclaimed.

Bakugou chuckled, continuing to wheel you down the path like he had intended before you were rudely interrupted. He patted down his pants, panicking slightly when he felt his pockets empty. Shoving his hand into his pocket, he let out a sigh of relief when he found what he was looking for.

You turned back, eyeing him. “Did you lose something?”

“No,” Bakugou said a little too quickly, making you even more suspicious.

“O-kay,” you said cautiously, deciding to drop the matter… for now. You looked down the path as the brick and cobble road slowly started to fade. “Where are we going?”

“We’re almost there. You love this road, don’t ya? Thought you’d enjoy this, too,” Bakugou said, nodding to the sight ahead of you. You gasped inwardly as you stared ahead. As the brick path ended, the path was located on a slope, looking down on the metropolitan area. The sun was setting, painting the sky with purple and orange hues. The U.A. building stood tall in the center of all of the commotion of the city, giving you an even more perfect view of the city than the rooftop of the hospital. Plus, there were barely any people huddled around this area as they were too engrossed with the cherry blossom trees to enjoy the view.

“It’s beautiful,” you whispered in awe.

Bakugou smirked, pleased with himself. He sat down on the curb, at the top of the hill and enjoying the sight. You smiled, getting up slowly, wanting to join him. He stopped you, getting to his feet and gently pushing you back onto the chair. “What're you doing?!”

“I want to sit with you,” you said simply.

“But you can’t walk now.”

“I can walk a little,” you said, raising your two fingers. “You’re worrying too much. I can move this much just to sit next to you, you know.”

Bakugou sighed, knowing that there was no point in arguing with you. He grabbed your hand, helping you sit beside him and he pushed the wheelchair behind the two of you. You smiled up at him, scooting closer to him and latching onto his arm. “It’s nice to spend time like this with you.”

Bakugou hummed, his hand in his pocket as he looked over to you. “It makes me excited to think about all the memories we’ll make when I’m all better,” you said excitedly.

“Me too,” Bakugou said, sweat forming on his forehead once more. His palms were beginning to sweat as well, this time not from the heat. 

You took notice to his nervousness, furrowing your brows. “What’s wrong, Katsu?”

Bakugou gripped the object in his pocket with such force that he was shocked it hadn’t broken. He sighed. “Being here with you makes me think about the future.”

You smiled, pinching his cheek teasingly. “What, you’re nervous to spend your future with me?”

He turned to face you, his eyes piercing right through you. He took the velvet box out from his pocket, flicking it open to reveal a metal band with a giant diamond sitting on top of it, one that would put the sun to shame with it shining brightly before you. “No. It makes me fucking excited to want to spend my whole life with you.”

Your eyes widened as you took notice to the engagement ring in his calloused hands. You could only shake your head, not able to believe what you were seeing or form any coherent words. Tears started forming as you stared at him. You were speechless, overwhelmed with love and feelings of security. As time passed and your condition worsened, it was harder and harder for you to even dream about things like marriage. But with Bakugou by your side giving you hope and pushing you to want to get better, it made you believe; can you really live a normal life again?

“Shit, did I fuck it up?” Bakugou asked angrily, annoyed with himself. “I’m supposed to get down on one knee and shit, aren’t I?”

Your (E/C) eyes watched on as Bakugou got up and went down on his left knee, holding the box up to you with an intense look on his face. You covered your mouth in disbelief, the tears now streaming down your face.

“Y/N, will you marry--”

“Yes!” You screamed, your voice echoing through the air. You attacked him into an aggressive hug, causing Bakugou to lose balance and fall backward onto the grassy area. Luckily he managed to catch your body and not lose the expensive ring at the same time. You buried your head into his neck, sobbing as your tears splattered his skin. “A million times yes!”

Bakugou laughed, a weight lifting of his shoulders. “You idiot, I could’ve dropped this shit, ya know?” His expression didn’t match his tone as he grinned widely. 

You got up, still on top of him and wiping your face despite your sobbing never ceasing. Bakugou sighed, sitting up and pulling you into his embrace. “You’re not supposed to cry.”

You sniffled, leaning into his shoulder. “I’m just so happy, Katsuki.”

Bakugou shook his head, taking your left hand from your face and sliding the ring onto your finger. He caressed your hair, laughing at your tear-streaked face. You wiped your face once more, gasping for air in between your sobs. “It’s just… for the longest time I didn’t know if I’d ever survive to see the next day. And… And now you’re giving me hope to spend our lives together.”

Bakugou smiled, wiping your face as well, cupping your face in his hands. “Well now it gives you all the more reason to wanna get better.”

You laughed breathlessly, finally ceasing the tears from falling. You looked down at your hand, smiling at the ring. “You don’t understand, Katsuki, you’ve helped me survive more than you’ll ever know.”

You leaned in, planting a soft and warm kiss on his cheek. “You’re the reason why I still exist, Katsu. You give me a reason to want to wake up the next day.”

❝How could I do that to you

Our love that runs deep as the ocean,

Waiting till it runs dry…

The wind was strong that morning. But it wasn’t a slight breeze like usual as it brought harsh flurries of snow and frost along with it. Fortunately for Bakugou, who’s quirk was well suited for these harsh conditions, was fine as he made his way to his agency. 

Right when he opened the doors, he was attacked into a hug. Kaminari smiled at him as he attempted to leech off of his warmth. “Kacchan!”

Bakugou grimaced, lifting him up by his shirt and dropping him on the floor. “Don’t ever fucking touch me or say that name ever again, dunce face.”

“Oh, come on! It’s not fair that you get all that warmth ‘cause of your quirk!” Kaminari complained, leaning on the front desk as he shivered in his costume.

Kirishima greeted the two, also clad in his hero costume. “Took you long enough.”

“What the hell are you two doing here anyways?” Bakugou asked, nodding at his receptionists as they greeted him. He made his way to his office and Kaminari and Kirishima followed him.

“We were in town after taking down some giant goat villain,” Kirishima said.

Bakugou closed the door behind them. “Goat villain?”

“Yeah, it was pretty weird. But we knew your place was nearby and we wanted to pay you a visit!” Kaminari exclaimed. “We also wanted to see how Y/N’s doing.”

Kirishima perked up. “Yeah, how is she, man? I heard she’s still in recovery from that surgery from like a year ago.”

Bakugou nodded, taking his gauntlets off and tossing them to the side. “She’s getting better with time. She was getting physical therapy so her body gets used to fixing the damage from her quirk but she got sick so she’s at the hospital.”

Kaminari sighed. “That poor girl can never catch a break. And here I was thinking you two could’ve at least gotten married.”

Bakugou slipped his gloves off and threw them onto his desk. “We already did.”

Kaminari and Kirishima both jumped up, eyes wide. “What?!”

Bakugou showed them the wedding band on his finger. “We didn’t want a ceremony and she didn’t feel like waiting so we just did the paperwork s’all.”

“Congratulations, man!” Kirishima said excitedly.

Kaminari pouted, slumping down on one of the chairs in front of Bakugou’s desk. “No fair, I bet Y/N would’ve looked real pretty in a wedding dress.”

Bakugou glared at him, taking off the rest of his gear including his eye mask and leaving his jacket-like top and pants on. “You better get those perverted thoughts out of your fucking head.”

Kaminari raised his hands up defensively. “I wasn’t thinking anything perverted! I just thought she’d look pretty!”

“Well you’re a fucking pervert either way so I don’t trust any bullshit that comes out of your mouth.”

Kirishima sighed, shaking his head as his two friends continued to argue. Bakugou's phone buzzed on the desk and Kirishima gestured to it. “You gonna get that?”

Bakugou grabbed it, looking at the caller ID. It was your dad, in fact he had numerous missed calls from him. He answered the call, bringing the phone up to his ear. “Hello?”

“Katsuki! Thank goodness you answered, I’ve been trying to reach you for some time now!” His voice sounded frantic on the other end.

“Sorry, I leave my phone in my office when I’m wor--”

“Never mind that; it’s about Y/N.”

Bakugou felt his heart nearly stop beating as he heard your father’s next words, dropping his phone to the floor. He bolted out the room in a panic, ignoring Kaminari and Kirishima’s worried shouts from behind him as he made his way to Meijo Hospital.

***

The receptionist gave Bakugou a worried look as she saw him dashing for the elevator. Normally she would’ve scolded him for running in the lobby but she had heard the grave news as well, turning a blind eye to the matter. Bakugou aggressively jammed the button on the elevator as the doors closed, the ding sound intensifying as he reached the fourth floor. He used his quirk to push him forward as he finally got to your wing, your parents sitting down nervously in the waiting room.

Bakugou approached them, breathing heavily as his heart pounded against his chest. “Where is she?”

Your mother was crying as your father comforted her. He looked up at Bakugou with worry. “The doctor said they don’t know what happened, they said that she was fine one minute and then… they had to go into immediate surgery. Her organs are failing her.”

Bakugou’s legs gave out underneath him, luckily managing to sit on the chair beneath him and next to your father. The surgery from last year was a success and you were slowly yet surely on your way to recovery. “She was fine… what the fuck went wrong?”

Your mother got up, wiping her eyes as she continued crying. “I’m going to go to the bathroom.”

Your father nodded sadly, watching as she walked down the hall. He turned to Bakugou, sighing. “I’m sure Y/N spared you the complexity of her condition as the medical reason for it is pretty difficult to understand. But similar to your quirk secreting nitroglycerin in your sweat, Y/N’s quirk secretes hydrogen cyanide.”

Bakugou listened intently. “What does that do?”

“Hydrogen cyanide is extremely toxic for the body but it is also flammable, which is what allowed Y/N to create her flames. However, unlike your quirk that secretes nitroglycerin primarily to your sweat, Y/N’s quirk secretes it directly from her endocrine system. I’m not sure if you know but the endocrine system regulates the body by secreting chemical substances into the bloodstream.”

“And that hydrogen cyanide shit’s been in her bloodstream this whole time?” Bakugou asked, not being able to believe what he was hearing.

Your father nodded, the frown still wrinkled on his face. “With the hydrogen cyanide being secreted in her bloodstream, it is affecting her organs, especially since the endocrine system regulates metabolic functions. When she was a child, the secretion was not too much for her to be hospitalized but slowly the dosage started increasing as she got older. She’s had so many of these surgeries but with each surgery, the risk of her being fatally injured in the process kept increasing, too.” 

Your father gripped his knees in his hands in anger, frustrated to no end. “No matter what we do… no matter what we try to do to help her live her life, that damn quirk keeps manifesting. All these surgeries are just delaying the process. Her quirk is slowly burning her up.”

Bakugou looked down the hall, staring at your room. He could faintly hear the doctors and nurses’ voices through the door, hearing how frantic and rushed they sounded. All your life you’ve been fighting your own body and Bakugou refused to believe that it was going to end like this.

Your father clapped a hand onto Bakugou’s shoulder, giving him a weary smile. “Don’t worry, son, we’ve got to be hopeful for her. She’ll get through this, she always has.”

“There’s no way I’m ever giving up on her. I married her because I want to spend the rest of my life with her… only her. I’m not letting her leave me like this,” Bakugou said adamantly.

***

Time was going painstakingly slow. Bakugou had already drank three cups of shitty hospital coffee, your mother had gone through two boxes of tissues as her tears kept coming, and your father had bitten his fingernails into short nubs. Remembering how he left Kaminari and Kirishima, Bakugou asked your dad for his phone, dialing Kirishima’s number in. 

“Bakugou! We’ve been worried sick, man! What the hell happened?” Kirishima asked in a concerned tone.

“Y/N’s in surgery. I’m with her parents at the hospital. I dunno when it’ll be over,” Bakugou said, leaning against the wall.

“Do you want us to come, too?” Kirishima asked after pausing for a moment.

“No, we’re fine here.” The door to your room finally opened and Bakugou perked up immediately. “The doctors are out, I gotta go.”

Bakugou hung up, handing the phone back to your dad as the three of them got up and started crowding the doctors and nurses coming out of the room.

“How is she, doctor?” Your father asked, hopeful for some good news.

The doctors looked uncomfortable, one finally speaking up after what felt like an eternity of silence. “She’s strong. Probably one of the strongest patients I’ve ever had… but it’s not going to work out.”

Bakugou felt his heart drop to his feet. “The hell do you mean?”

The doctor frowned, nervous with Bakugou’s tone. “She has ten minutes left. That quirk of hers was too strong to get rid of even with the surgeries she’s had. We managed to get these last moments for her. We’re so sorry.”

The doctors and nurses bowed to them to show their condolences. Your mother let out a shrieking sob, running into your room immediately. Your father followed suit, rushing to be by your side. But Bakugou couldn’t help but be frozen on the spot. No matter how much he tried to move his feet, he couldn’t do anything. He refused to believe that this was reality, wishing for this to be his worst nightmare.

Finally he moved, his legs feeling like jelly as he collapsed to the ground, his back hitting the wall. He buried his face in his hands, pulling at his hairs in frustration. You were fine, all this time you were on your way to a full recovery. You were smiling brightly just this morning and now… you were on your deathbed?

Your father stepped out, his tear-stricken face evident as he sniffled. “She wants to see you, Katsuki.”

Bakugou snapped his head towards him, nodding as he rose to his feet. He had to drag his feet into your room, terrified of what he was going to see. He sucked in his breath as he made eye contact with you.

You were hooked to so many machines Bakugou couldn’t keep count. You looked inhumanely pale, your veins peeking through your skin. Your hair stuck to your face and you looked exhausted. Nevertheless, you had the most beautiful smile on your face, one that could make Bakugou fall in love with you all over again. “Katsu… ki.”

Bakugou crouched down beside your bed, holding onto your hand. Your other hand was held by both your parents. Bakugou hadn’t taken notice to the tears falling from his eyes until you brought a shaky hand up to wipe them away. “Katsuki, don’t… cry.”

Bakugou felt himself breathing heavily as the tears continued to fall as he held your hand tightly in his. “You idiot, don’t tell me what to do. Not when you’re here like this.”

You let out a breathy and weak laugh, maintaining your smile. “You really are amazing, Katsuki.”

The tight knot-like feeling in Bakugou’s chest refused to leave as the tears drowned his vision. But he wiped them away vigorously, refusing to lose sight of you. Your eyes wandered down, looking at Bakugou’s clothes. “I finally got to see you in your hero costume…”

“Stop talking, you’re making it worse,” Bakugou mumbled incoherently, his lips quivering as he tried to maintain his composure. Your parents held onto you as tightly as Bakugou did, all three refusing to believe the reality and gravity of the situation unfolding before them.

You smiled once again, using all of the strength you had left to maintain that withering smile. You brought a shaky hand up to Bakugou’s cheek, rubbing your thumb along his cheekbone. 

Bakugou’s vision became blurry, tears welling in his eyes as he gritted his teeth in pure anger. “You’re so fucking incredible, you know that? And so badass and strong.”

Your chest was rising and falling unevenly as it became harder and harder for you to breathe. Glancing over to your parents, your eyes glazed with your own tears. “I’m sorry Mom and Dad.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. We’re so proud of you, sweetie,” your mother croaked, your father nodding along.

You smiled once more, a tear gliding down your face. “I love you both. Please look after… Katsuki. And each other.”

The monitor began beeping slowly and Bakugou held your hand in his once again, clenching it as tightly as he could. You gave his hand the slightest squeeze, turning your head to look at him. “Tell the others… that I’m sorry… didn’t get to say goodbye.”

Bakugou nodded vigorously, bringing your enclosed hands to his lips as he planted a soft kiss against your cold skin. “Don’t go, Y/N. Please.”

You laughed again, smiling sympathetically at him. “I wish… we could be… together forever…”

You smiled, your eyes closing slowly. “At least now… I can finally… leave this damn room…” 

The heart monitor continued to beep slower and slower. Time stood still as Bakugou heard your last words ring in his ears. “I love you, Bakugou Katsuki. I love you… more than life…”

Bakugou and your parents stared on as your chest fell for the final time, the flatlining of the monitor echoing through Bakugou’s head. Your fingers went limp in Bakugou’s hand and Bakugou felt himself shake with anger.

“This is some fucking joke… there’s no way this is real…” Bakugou whispered.

The doctors came back into the room, and Bakugou didn’t even notice their presence or your mother passing out onto the floor. As they went over to her side to assist her, your father approached Bakugou. He put a hand on his shoulder. “Son, come on, let’s go.”

“No!” Bakugou pushed his hand away, his eyes blazed as he continued to hold your hand in his. “I’m not leaving this room!”

He looked over to the nurses by the doorway. “You’ve got to do something… anything! We can still save her!”

“Katsuki… please,” your father whispered desperately, his body shaking as his own tears never stopped.

“Ground Zero, sir, there’s nothing else we can do--” 

“Bullshit,” Bakugou growled, interrupting the doctor. “She’s not dead! She was fine a few days ago! And you want me to believe that she’s fucking gone?!”

“Katsuki, you need to open your eyes, son,” your father was pleading beside him on the floor by your bed. “This is just as hard for you as it is for us.” 

Bakugou got to his feet, his fists shaking at his sides as sparks ignited in his palms by his rage. He couldn’t look at you, refusing to see your limp body lying on the bed. He refused to believe anything. “Believe whatever the fuck you want.”

Bakugou ignored the shouts behind him as he stormed out of the room, running as fast as he could. He didn’t know where he was going or what he was doing, going wherever his feet were taking him. She’s not dead, she’s not dead, SHE’S NOT DEAD was all that was repeating in Bakugou’s mind.  

That dreary day in room 405 was one that Bakugou would never forget but was also one he would do whatever he could do to forget. He turned his back on everything that day, and he never came back.

~~~ 

Two years had passed since then. Two painstakingly long years. After that night, Bakugou left the country, travelling to different places to somehow take the pain away, but it was no use. Your face continued to pop up in his mind like a constant reminder that you were gone. 

The first month, Bakugou went to South Korea and China. He tried to indulge himself in anything that would distract him. And as hard as he tried, every night he’d wake up in the middle of the night with the image of your dead body in room 405 haunting him.

The next few months, he covered all of Asia, moving to the Middle East, Europe, Africa and so on. He didn’t answer any calls from his parents, your parents, his agency, or his friends. He submitted a leave of absence to his agency, one that he knew would be approved because it was his agency. 

Sooner rather than later, a year had gone by and Bakugou was still on his pilgrimage to find something to fill the hole that you had left in him but to no avail. After two months, Bakugou finally returned to Japan, coming home to a frenzy of media as he had decided to go back to work. His colleagues and friends wanted to question him, question what he had been doing but didn’t have the heart to do so. They knew how difficult your death was on him. 

When Bakugou went to his family home, he was greeted with swear words and constant yelling from his mother. But he ignored it, actually apologizing to his parents. And like that, Bakugou returned to his life as a pro hero. 

However, things took a turn as he finally decided to quit seeking refuge with his parents and return to the home he had bought to live with you once you were fully recovered. The minute he opened the door, he collapsed to the floor, tears welling in his eyes for the first time in a long time as he saw pictures of you everywhere. The pain came back and it hit him like a punch to the face.

Finally here he was today, as Bakugou finally came to a stop at the brick road. The sun was setting, just like it was when he proposed to you on this same hill that day. Bakugou felt a chill down his spine as his eyes fixated onto your gravesite. The grassy area beside the path had been turned to a gravesite per your family’s request. It was your favorite part of the city and everyone who knew you knew how much you loved the area.

Bakugou stopped moving, his feet frozen in place and his hands clenching around the bouquet as he stared intently at your tombstone. He took a deep breath in and out, bracing himself as he took a few slow steps forward. Once Bakugou mustered enough strength to finally step before your grave, he fell to his knees, gently placing the bouquet in front of the urn of ashes. He took the incense sticks and matches on the side of your grave and lit a stick, placing it beside the flowers.

“I’m finally here, Y/N,” Bakugou said breathlessly, smiling softly. “I’m a really shitty husband for showing up two years late, but I’m here.”

He looked at your name engraved into the stone, that alone making his heart beat faster. Bakugou got up from his position and sat down cross legged in front of your grave, letting out a deep sigh. “I’m the biggest asshole there is. My wife died and I didn’t even go to her funeral ‘cause I didn’t wanna believe that it was true that you were gone.”

Bakugou felt his eyes begin to water and he attempted to suppress them, not wanting to cry in front of you. “Death is a fucked up thing, ya know. I saw your body in that damn room, I saw it with my own eyes. But I still didn’t want to believe it because you were still in that room. But when I left, I thought I would come to my senses but I didn’t. I didn’t realize you were really gone until I woke up in the middle of the night and you weren’t next to me to tell me it’s okay. You weren’t there motivating me even when I was being a dumbass or being hard on myself. You weren’t there to say that you love me.”

Despite how hard he tried, a single tear fell from Bakugou’s eye, one that he wiped away immediately. He didn’t want this “reunion” to be a sad one. “Months after I left I realized that you were really gone. Because when you died, it didn’t hit me all at once. It hit me slowly day by day as I began to see you weren’t there. And it fucking hurts, Y/N. It fucking hurts to not see you here.” 

Bakugou reached into his pocket, pulling out your ring and put it inside the bouquet. “Your dad mailed that to the house when I came back and I thought I was gonna pass out on the spot. Your parents almost had a heart attack once they saw me after all this time without telling them anything. Hell, my folks were pissed, too, ‘specially my mom and she almost beat my ass.”

Bakugou let out a humorless laugh and then another sigh. “Kirishima and my parents said ‘hi’ by the way and how much they missed you. Kaminari, Sero, and the girls also miss you, too. We all fucking miss you, Y/N. And I’d do anything to have you next to me.”

“But that’s not the point,” Bakugou said adamantly. “I’m not gonna sit here and mope about how much I wish you were here ‘cause that’s expected. I know you wouldn’t want me to be sad ‘cause you’re the sweetest person I’ve ever known who cares way too much about others than she does about herself. And I want you to know that you don’t have to worry about me. I’ve got people here to do that, so you just relax up there. You’re finally free, Y/N. You’re free from that sad ass room and I hope you’re finally happy now.” 

Bakugou reached into his pocket one last time, pulling out the unlit and destroyed candles that you had attempted to light a few years ago using your quirk. He placed them beside the bouquet. “Whenever I see these shits I get pissed ‘cause it reminds me about your quirk, about how something you couldn’t control and something that was supposed to help you was what killed you. But now I look at it and it reminds me about all the time we spent together, about all the times we spent in that room.”

Bakugou looked up at your gravesite for one final time, memorizing it as best as he could. “I know you didn’t want me to be a fucked up mess when you were gone, but I couldn’t help it. The heartbreak I felt when you left me is a feeling I could never describe ‘cause it fucking sucks. But I’d go through it all over again if it meant just having another minute with you.”

Bakugou raised a hand to the stone, his fingers tracing the engraving of your name. “I’ve never loved and will never love anyone as much as I love you, (L/N) (F/N). And I can’t wait for the day when I can see you again…”

…will be the day we bid our last goodbye.❞