#i love gouache i dont know why i dont use it more

[a-sadnoodle]

Gouache on Paper

[fiveleaveslefts]

1. Miruko (Rumi Usagiyama)

2. Black. Goes with everything but i cant wear it because heat.

3. Jaime's hair in SF6 streaks of white a la reed richards

4. Working on Japanese, have the books for german italian and plan to get French

5. Explore everything you're curious about and pour 100% into it. Stay away from drugs. Seek out and find your people.

6. Value yourself, you dumb bitch. Love is a choice, not always an easy choice. Communicate your feelings clearly and openly if they reciprocate this will only make things better going forward.

7. Treatment of trans people, gay the hypocrisy of organized religion. (Dont start me on that)

8. Bloodborne/spider-verse every single song in my workout playlist, anime the Smack Down vs Raw 2007 soundtrack, wrestling (RIP Eddie)

9. It tastes good, and your tears are the sweetest seasoning.

10. Brutalism slowly outgrown by nature

11. My parents dont know tumblr exists

12. I will try everything at least once

13. Traditionally when i did i dont really draw anymore

14. Watercolor and gouache

15. Oasis - Live Forever, Champagne Supernova, Whatever, Stand by me, don't go away (why yes i do have some issues right now)

16. Super eyepatch wolf, Lines in Motion, FD signifier Yhara Zayd Duel Logs

17. This morning all 3 coffee and pastries, woke up at 6:15 ish stretch in my chair at work

18. I love national parks, Yosemite probably more so than most but Joshua Tree and Zion are cool.

19. I dont like seeing people dissect their food, but thats something im getting used to.

20. Depends on my job but definitely a night owl by nature.

ask game!!

1 - comfort character

2 - fave color and why

3 - dream haircut/color

4 - any languages you want to learn?

5 - any advice for school?

6 - any relationship advice?

7 - any political/serious topics you can angrily rant about for hours?

8 - any fandom/niche/hyperfixation topics you can rant about for hours?

9 - opinion on hawaiian pizza

10 - favorite aesthetics??

11 - do your parents know about your account?

12 - least favorite food?

13 - do you prefer to draw traditionally or digitally?

14 - favorite art medium?

15 - current earworm song?

16 - any youtubers you recommend?

17 - when was the last time you slept? ate? drank? stretched?

18 - favorite biome/landscape?

19 - any pet peeves?

20 - early bird or night owl?

[terminally-karkalicious]

allow me to rant about the only thing that has been in my brain for the past two months and that is doll customizing babeyyyyy

i know there’s a 90% chance that you wont give a Shit about any of this but here we go anyways

SO first you gotta choose a doll. preferably one with a high range of motion to avoid creating new joints or having annoying limitations like not having elbow joints for some fucking reason. what the fuck mattel. give monster high dolls back their ball jointed shoulders and elbow joints. smh

the most common dolls ive seen used as bases are monster high and ever after high. most customs ive seen are highly stylized so the stylized face molds work well for those types of dolls but dolls like barbies are good for when you want a more realistic face-ups.

once you’ve got your base picked out you gotta wipe that bitch’s face off with like. acetone or nail polish remover or something strong like that. you can also use acetone to shrink doll heads which is cool as hell imo. n e way once the face is wiped you gotta chop off the hair and remove the hair plugs from the inside. ive seen this done several ways but the easiest and most common way ive seen is to dunk the head into boiling water for ~30 seconds until it gets squishy and malleable. once you’ve got the head back, you can use pliers (i think tweezers would work in a pinch) to pull out the hair plugs which are kinda icky because theyre covered in glue and other gross shit. ew

now you must decapitate the doll. dunk em back in the boiling water to soften them back up then just tug the head off. the neck pegs look funky and are usually a different color than the body so thats cool ig

once the head’s off, you can start the face-up which is basically just giving the doll a new face using stuff like watercolor pencils, acrylic paint, gouache, and a whole lot of other stuff. hell ive seen people use person makeup on these dolls.

next,,,,, hair. there’s about twenty million ways to do hair from gluing yarn wefts to sewing to rerooting with purchased nylon doll hair or yarn wefts but i’m gonna talk about the most common one ive seen which is rerooting and gluing.

before you can reroot, you need doll hair. which, as i mentioned, can be bought at stores like the doll planet or made at home with yarn in literally any color. have fun with it! make rainbow hair or something idk

to make homemade wefts, you take some acrylic yarn, cut it twice as long as you want the hair to be (keep in mind you can cut and style the hair once it’s been rerooted), fold them in half, and tie it to something sturdy like a wire coat hanger for the next step.

once you’ve got your yarn tied to your hanger, use a pet brush and brush the yarn until it’s wispy and looks like hair. then take a straightening iron and iron the weft flat. then remove from the hanger and boom. hair wefts. ta-da

to reroot the wefts onto the head, use a rerooting tool (which can be as simple as a needle with the eye cut at angle) (just google it please i’m shit at descriptions)) to poke small sections of the hair into the head. you can use the pre-existing rooting holes for your own reroot as they’re usually pretty reliable. to reroot, take a small length of you doll hair (about 10-15 strands), loop it in half, and put the middle of the loop into the reroot tool. poke the end of the tool with the hair on it into the pre-existing hole and remove the tool. the hair *should* stay in and fill up that plug!! also remember to plug thickly at the hairline and part of the hair where it's most noticeable. it doesnt matter as much in the center of the head as that’s not usually visible on the doll. once you’ve rerooted, squeeze in strong glue through the neck hole and squish around the head to make sure it covers all the plugs and secures them in place. then pour hot water onto the head to make the hair lay flat for styling later.

also, you can reroot yarn directly into the head to make thicker, more textured hairstyles. and since the yarn is thicker, you dont need to glue the inside of the head for the hair to stay in place!!

if youre not doing body modifications (which are also cool as hell) then it’s time for clothes but clothes are boring and i like body mods more so i’m gonna rant about them instead

the material ive seen most doll artists use is apoxie sculpt, which is like play doh on steroids. it comes in two parts which you gotta mix together for some reason. why dont they sell it pre-mixed. what was the reason. also once it’s dry it’s super super strong and you can sand it, drill into it, paint it, and all kinds of stuff. very nice and i want some for myself.

you can use hand saws and drills and shit to whack off doll limbs to make stuff like digitigrade legs or new joints. also dont be afraid to use other mismatching doll parts when customizing like heads and bodies and forearms and hands and shit. it literally does not matter if youre gonna recolor the doll anyways so have fun with it. make frankenstein’s doll if youre feeling spicy

accessories my beloved. stuff like tiny beads and clay baubles and shit will literally transform the entire doll plus they’re adorable and multi-purpose

i suppose i must talk about clothes now. ah well. you can find great clothing patterns if youre new to customizing on other customizer’s etsy shops and probably google although those will probably be lower quality than paid pattern pieces. and keep in mind that if it exists as clothing irl, you can likely make it doll-sized. there are literally no limits to your clothing options as long as you can execute your idea.

the once all your components have been made, you can assemble the doll again!! and finally see what all the parts look like together!! very cool 10/10 stars.

ight that wraps up my doll rant. i could really go into more detail on certain parts but thats a whole other rant for a whole other day smh. sorry for fucking flooding your inbox ender ahaha……………. you asked for this

little did you know that dolls have been one of my favorite things since like ever. if i can read a 25 chapter long fanfic i can read this B)

mattel definitely fucked up by completely ruining MH doll designs and just stopping EAH, alot of their profits most likely came from people who collect and customize dolls and by changing MH doll designs/Stopping EAH dolls they 1. most likely lost a small (or big if we're not jus talking people who customize dolls) part of their profit and 2. made it harder for doll customizers to make dolls/get commissions out rather quickly because they probably have to waste more time making joints or learning how to make joints.

EAH/MH dolls (specifically MH dolls) had AMAZING MODELS because there was so much variety with height, face shapes, etc (my favorite molds had to be the short/tall dolls and the cat molds because of the tails) and doll customizers really went all out with enhancing a molds unique features. The only "downside" abt MH dolls is that they (or atleast most)(from what i remember)) had slimmer faces but wider eyes while EAH dolls have wider faces with slimmer smaller which left a canvas for the face and not the eyes (and vice versa for MH dolls)

I've never seen any videos where a barbie is customized (maybe because i absolutely despised barbies at the time) so I'll definitely have to check those out but they seem to be good for realistic makeovers. I've seen like like semi realistic makeovers for EAH/MH dolls that were pretty good too tho (pretty sure mostly EAH dolls since yk MH dolls were used for creature makeovers while most EAH dolls weren't)

yeah i was always amazed by the head shrinking with acetone. honestly i still am?? idunno i have no idea how that chemical bullshit works. Ive seen a few of uh makeovers that just pain over the face (in multiple layers ofcourse) but that's usually when they're painting the entire body a different colour (again usually when they're turning a doll into a funky little baby man). I've also seen a few that just chop the hair off and take out the hair plugs yk without uuh like softening the head or just go straight for the hair plugs after taking off the head (i used to do that it was funny to me??). i always really liked when they used watercolour pencils or just colour pencils in general to draw/sketch on the face cause like wow ur drawing on ur doll without ruining it?? kinda epic maybe even poggers and pogchamp?? oh god my brain is failing wjshsmsj.

Watching them putting the hair back on the doll was, other than the face stuff, was the BEST part for me. Favorite type of hair was iuuuuuh was either thick yarn or brushed out yarn. Literally worship the people that would reroot the hair, theyre the most patience people on this earth!! it's literally insane but i guess that's what happens when you've been doing that for years? you guess kinda get used to it. when they put glue into the head does it just become stiff?? like it's just a clump of dried glue or does it like..hollow out again??

dude you literally cannot convince me most of the supplies used for doll makeovers. APOXIE CLAY LOOKS SO FECKING GOOD. its edible and i will die on that hill. The body mods are literally so amazing!!!!! it's so impressive how theyre able to imagine certain features THEN LIKE ACTUALLY MAKE IT LOOK ACCURATE TO WHAT THEY WANTED TO LOOK LIKE AFTER LIKE ON TRY (or many yk trial and error is very necessary for..everything). Absolutely loved when doll customizers would saw off a dolls legs and use different ones or just completely get rid of the torso to use a different one. it's like uuh that one big guy that's mismatched and sewn together. very cool. The accessories are so fun!! just small little details you seen really need but can add because it's your feckin doll!! I used to be absolutely obsessed over the doll clothes i would find on etsy, so much so that i started sewing shitty shirts and dresses for my uh "customized" dolls (they were absolute HORRORS idk WHY my mom let me feck up my dolls like that).

Thank you for this!! i haven't been able to talk about any of my interests for a while and this just really made me happy!!

Question fer u my fellow MH/EAH enthusiast: what was your favorite MH/EAH movie/episode and doll series. Mine was The fusion dolls (MH obvi) and that MH movie "Haunted" cause we got to know more about Spectra :D

[artandpages]

Oh gosh your art is so pretty!! What supplies do you use?

Why thankies~ but uh HO BOY i got a lot of crud so hmm

Canson Artist Series Drawing Book 8.5/5.5 in Cream- my main sketchbook, it’s super smooth and for me it’s the best paper for a combination for pencils and inks, markers bleed through and it cant hold water but i’ll live

Tombow Fudenosuke Brush Pen in Hard and Soft- my main inking things because they’re brush pens, dry quickly, and i can draw super small with them , they sell theses at Michael’s?? I’m not complaining but???

Pentel Pocket Brush Pen- i use this especially for large areas and paintings since the tombows suck so hard at that stuff though it takes a while to dry and it’s not waterproof

Copic Multiliners in Cobalt, Olive, Wine, and Sepia size 0.3- i hate liners in like full peices but i do love to line sketches with these

Micron size 0.1 in random colors- these are lighter thanthe copics so i usually just do really light sketches with these before the copic multiliners

Small Post-Its- just to cover and draw over mistakes

Kneaded Eraser- a moldable eraser I use to erase big areas lightly or super tiny spots

Artist Gum- a super soft crumbly eraser that isnt has harsh as a normal eraser

Prismacolor Premier Colored Pencils- yep those are colored pencils all right, i only use them on fully colored works

Prismacolor Col-Erase Pencils- i love sketching in color it’s great and wow these packs are cheep but also only use like. 5. Orange, Rose, Purple, Light Blue, and light green

Sakura Gellyroll Moonlight, Metalic, Soufflé, and Origanal White- i acsent everything with these, the white is good way to subtly hide stuff

Copic Markers Sketch and Ciao- i mostly use these to color in sketches but i have enough to make a full piece what am i doing. Also by Ciao sets at Michael’s. With a discount they get super cheep

Sharpie Highlighers- just another way to color sketches

ZIG Wink of Stella Glitter Brush Marker Pen in Clear- i never do this in sketches i post here but i love using it in random stuff

Strathmore 400 Series And Windpower Watercolor paper- Yep thats artist grade watercolor paper. The windpower is mostly for watercolor sketches

MEEDEB Watercolor Tin Palette- non name brand metal palette that works great for me and holds a lot of pans

Winsor and Newton watercolors- i have like eight because they’re stupid expensive but they good

Mijello Mission Gold Class Watercolors- bought the 36 set as a late birthday gift and they are great, super pigmented and smooth, they also dont granulate 

Finetec Artist Mica Watercolors Metalic Gold- they great golds i should use them more

Princeton 1 wash and 4 round and Grumbacher ½ flat and 1 round- i dont know anything about brushes man they dont loose hairs so thats good, i block in colors in flat brushs than do details with rounds

Pentel Water Brushes in all four sizes also some random two in one flat waterbrush- Use these when on the go or dont have access to things of water

Lefranc and Bourgeois Fine Gouache in Permanent White- used to cover up mistakes, i often mix with my watercolors

Some make up bad my mom and I bought when we couldnt find a pencil case- i should get a new one with like pockets and stuff

Higgins Calligraphy Ink and another pental brush pen- gonna use this bad boy for intober this year!

ArtistLoft Circle Stencils in Small and Large Circles- one of the only artistloft products i will ever own because they are god awful but thats a rant for another day

Dr.Ph.Martin’s Hydrus Fine Art Liquid watercolors- crazy vibrant and staining but i dont use them as often since they are liquid and not very portable

Recollections Metalic Iridescent Glitter Shapes and Signature Chunky Glitter- sometimes add these to make a piece shine. do they sell those metalic ones anymore? I never see these at Micheal’s anymore and i have no idea where else this company sells things

Mod Podge- to stick the glitter chunks

Mr.Clean Magic Eraser- cleans my desk and palette beautifuly and helps keep them from staining

Strathmore Toned Tan Sketch Paper- maybe someday i’ll use this awesome paper more

Random rulers and junk- to rule things with an iron fist

This isnt even counting the stuff i hardly use, don’t be like me kids spend your money on video games or anime figures or something

[dreamsy990]

im just doing this fuck asks i just feel like answering these

Q: what paint tool do you have but dont use

okay so i have a really old version of clip studio which used to be called manga studio and its horrible and barely works. i would say firealpaca but i actually switch between that and krita so

Q: is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)

A: honestly neither, i kinda switch tbh but i thinkkkk i do left more???

Q: what ideas come from when you were little

A: ooh uh i learned to draw cats from watching tennelleflowers and i got a lot of good tips from lavendertowne. if they mean like IDEAS, my one original story thing i have was something i made up in second grade and have been developing since then

Q: fav character/subject thats a bitch to draw

stolas and blitzo. stolas is just really weird and blitzo doesnt translate well into other art styles. i can do stolas pretty okay but FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY IS BLITZOS HEAD SO LONG-

Q: estimate how much art you post online vs keep to yourself

A: okay uhhh thats hard because i draw a lot of things that are jokes and i share with friends, so like if we include the memes i share with friends as kept to myself than i post like 80% of it

Q: anything that might inspire you subconsciously

A: im honestly not sure but i did notice since i started watching more anime i did start doing the fucking. thin necks. i also finally got a doodle style like i see on tumblr a lot so that also i guess

Q: a medium you dont work in but appreciate

A: gouache painting looks cool and i want nothing to do with it because that seems hard

Q: whats a project idea that youve lost interest in

A: *glances at my old really bad aus* you dont wanna know

Q: file name conventions

A: OOH THIS ONE IS FUN so my file names are usually just as much of a joke as i am and if they dont have ten ‘uhhhhs’ or ‘ummmm’s then its not me and im sick. and if its procreate no file names because i forget

Q: favorite piece of clothing to draw

A: none of the above. okay but like can i say a specific one because JOKERS JACKET FROM PERSONA 5 IS JUST AUGHHH i love drawing it even if im bad at it

Q: what do you listen to while drawing

A: movie reviews, twilight princess letsplays, video essays, theory videos, anything thatll give me something to think about. i cant work with music or nothing i need words

Q: easiest part of the body to draw

A: either heads or hands. sorry hands are pretty easy for me i salute you tho besties <3

Q: a creator you admire but whose work isnt your thing

A: cant think of anyone really

Q: favorite motifs

A: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ill get back to you on that

Q: where do you draw

A: if its digital, at my desk USUALLY WITH ALL THE LIGHTS OUT because im in places with a lot of glare, and if its in a notebook pretty much anywhere but i do draw at home a lot too so

Q: something you are good at but dont really have fun doing

A: i did an art study with how persona draws eyes and i do them sometimes but theyre usually too much of a hassle so i almost never do the style sooo

Q: do you eat or drink when drawing, if so what?

A: usually i just have some water, if im hungry ill either stop drawing and actually eat something or ill have something small like pretzels at my desk. idk if it counts but i usually have gum because i tend to chew on things if i stop paying attention like my poor pen has been ABUSED also my hoodie strings are dead so like yeah gum. usually its trident watermelon flavor gum specifically because its the best dont @ me. mint sucks. also my sister has a mint allergy so

Q: lets see including the hundreds of pencils ive broken both mechanical and normal, and the two drawing tablets that stopped responding one of which i did get replaced with support, like. 40% of art supplies i have are dead WHICH IS HONESTLY BETTER THAN I EXPECTED

Q: favorite inanimate objects to draw

A: i draw characters holding guns a surprising amount so i guess that

Q: something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

A: hands

Q: art styles nothing like your own that you like anyways

A: im a sucker for joy ang’s work on wings of fire, those covers are just amazing and i love the dragon art. also the style for the wild rescuers series is really pretty

Q: what physical exercises do you do before drawing

A: none

Q: do you use different layer modes

A: yes and it honestly kinda carries my art like holy shit it makes such a difference

Q: do your references include stock images?

A: references? whos she? okay but in all seriousness i use stock images for posing sometimes but if its too specific for that i either wing it or use justsketchme it its important

Q: something your art has been compared to that you were not inspired by

A: hhhh ive had someone compare it to steven universe. which like i dont get but thank you????

Q: what piece got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

A: uhh im not sure idk how people interpret my art i dont even know how i interpret it

Q: do you warm up before you get to the good stuff, what do you warm up with

A: a surprising amount of akira/ren/joke and deku because theyre fun to draw and i like their hair. i dont actually warm up i just like drawing them and have a lot of them

Q; art events youve participated in like zines

A: never been in a zine or anything but i did do a danganronpa ship art swap and that was pretty fun. also another one from the same people themed around aus

Q: media you love but doesnt inspire you artistically

A: uhh a handful of shows like gravity falls, steven universe, ect . i also love nintendo games but they dont do anything for me in terms of art most of the time, tho i am a huge fan of some zelda games cuz theyre pretty.

Q: what piece of yours do you think is underrated

A: ehhh i dont like them that much most of the time but i do really love the cyc teaser image i did, as well a slike half the art for the first chapter even tho i havent dropped it yet

and thats it!!! okay bye now!!!

Weirdly Specific Artist Ask Game

Didn't see a lot of artist ask games, wanted to make a silly one.

(I wrote this while sick out of my mind last year and it's been collecting dust in my drafts, I might as well let it run free) 1. Art programs you have but don't use

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)

3. What ideas come from when you were little

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn't supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it)

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in

9. What are your file name conventions

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what

12. Easiest part of body to draw

13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn't your thing

14. Any favorite motifs

15. *Where* do you draw (don't drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth)

16. Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing

17. Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you've broken

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.)

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any

23. Do you use different layer modes

24. Do your references include stock images

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines)

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

[unapologetic-apathy]

5 THINGS

I was tagged by @debaucherries and by @emmach13 (ages ago whoops im sorryyyy) thank youu a lot!! :D ♥ ♥

5 things you’ll find in my bag

• probably food • water bottle • sunglasses • head phones • keys

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom

• probably food as well • books, mangas, comics.  • way too many socks • and cables • art stuff

5 things I’ve always wanted to do in life

• a roadtrip • oil painting • travel. especially to the UK and scandinavia • try out & learn so many instruments especially guitar • go ice skating on an entirely free area, with no people around

5 things that make me happy

• my friends & family including my doggo • drawing • music!! & concerts/festivals • fresh autumn days and cool weather in general • the peace and silence of the night

5 things I’m currently into

• neil gaiman (audio-) books! • drawing with gouache • oreo ice cream lol ..its so good tho • royal blood, kaleo, bastille and paramore (..and more amazing artists) • leggings, i used to hate wearing them.. but damnn they so comfyyyy

5 things on my to-do list

• answer my emails  • get an oyster card (im going to london in august ahhhhh!!) • go to the doctor • print stuff  • ??survive???

5 things people may not know about me

• i dont know anything about life • i dont know how well i am at hiding fact #1 so people probably do know lol • despite barely going outside i actually love nature lmao • i'm literally the worst story teller ever, which is often the reason why i dont talk at all • i can badly play the ukulele

i tag @incarniunknown @sicknessglory @ukulelealien if you want to do it :)

[dotzines]

Artist spotlight: Dom Fambro!

Commissions ✿ Patreon ✿ Ko-fi Twitter ✿ Instagram

Header source: [X]  

Introduce yourself Howdy! I'm Dom. I'm an ol' nonbinary living in Sunny California. I enjoy playing games [I'm currently replaying Breath of the Wild ] , reading and  gushing about AU shipping. When did you start drawing? Are you a digital or traditional artist? I was really sick really young in my life so I did a lot of drawing instead of playing with other kids. my family says I was drawing before I could write. Ahh.. a little from column A, a little from Column B. My idea is If I have the time to sit and paint, Ill do so! But if I really just want to get something out of my head I'll go digital. Which mediums are your favorites? Did you try going digital? My favorite Traditional mediums are watercolor , gouache and Posca Pens. Do you use any traditional mediums? If so, which are your favorites? I currently use Paint Tool Sai for my digital works. Why do you prefer traditional over digital? (or viceversa) I prefer traditional because .. I say its more intimate? You have to really plan your color choices and wait for the paint to dry. I wish I didnt work so much. .I would paint all day~! What do you think is the most challenging part about being a traditional/digital artist? Challenging part of being a traditional Artist: there's no undo button! You can erase only so much pigment from a watercolor painting! challenging part about being a digital Artist: I find I can overdo a drawing. I'm normally a simple artist  -- I dont like to put too much detail. But then when I do digital stuff I'll be like ""oh, i can add THIS color! and I can test THIS lighting! "" and before I know it I've overdone it. What inspires your pieces? My love of animals. Love drawing different creatures and cute things!

image source: [X]   Explain your "everyday" drawing process I have books and folders full of photos from other people or like, clippings from magazines. Then I'll see how I can simplify it to my style. Ill sketch otu different poses and make little notes on color schemes [I'm really trying to practice limited palettes ] , and then, Ill draw! if its traditional I'll pick the paper I'll use depending on the medium! [ cold press watercolor paper for watercolor + gouache, hot press watercolor or bristol paper for posca and ill get to it. ] if its digital I'll just open up sai and get to it. Do you have an artist you admire (or more than one)?

Christine Knopp [  https://kikidoodle.com/  ] is one of my favorite artists. She inspired me to try some storybook styles and simplified colors for my work, as well as practice with textures. I love her works and her kitty mermaids, purrmaids! Another Artist I really admire is David DePasquale [ https://www.davidadepasquale.com/ ] . For a long time he was drawing nothing but tigers but I just loved how every tiger had a different style or maybe background setting to it [ some were buff soldiers or some were fat pillows ] but you can always tell who made it. Anoki [ https://twitter.com/anokidoll ] does beautiful works with watercolor. she was one of the first artists I watched when I first started working with watercolora bout 13 years ago. Careful! some of her stuff is very NSFW. Her composition is AMAZING. Is there an artwork you are most proud of? Why? https://drive.google.com/file/d/1F9MYaemqz5y5fiz1FBMKlbScK_dY5Wn3/view?usp=sharing Just one? Hm... well that would be the painting i did for my Grandmother's Passing. I really just love the color and composition I did with this one. I feel I do my best work when I'm emotional. 

Do you listen to music (or tv shows/films/anything else) when drawing? Yes! I'll listen to Game Grumps while I'm drawing. Sometimes I'll listen to game-related Lo-Fi. And sometimes ... I'll listen to Disney Music. https://youtu.be/GdzrrWA8e7A https://www.youtube.com/user/GameGrumps

image source: [X]   What makes art interesting for you? COLOR! I love playing with color. What do you do when art block strikes? I'll go on youtube and watch other artists do speedpaints. What’s the most valuable art advice you’ve ever received?

Dont worry so much about being a better artist, just work on making better paintings. When you focus on just one peice of work at a time and how to make /that/ one better , then it makes the growth happen automatically.

[goldfistgirl]

adderall really helps me stay functioning and not depressed and not having these invasive constant thoughts. i’m actually impressed. sad thoughts still occur to me, but they feel manageable every time and sometimes, when i’m lucky, they’re even fleeting. that hasn’t been the case in probably a year and a half. i’m so thankful, and i need to sort out medical care for that.

i also need to meditate on parts of my life that i can’t change. i need to work on accepting them. i have historically been brilliant at this (low income, father not in my life, etc). i have even been understanding of things like my dad not raising me or not being able to be driven places during high school (like tennis matches). gg’s loss even felt inevitable and ok to me. somehow i managed to accept and handle her loss with relative ease because i knew it was inevitable. the hardest parts of that were dealing with suzanne’s cruel wish for gg to “just die already” and the way my family absorbed her finances for their selfish gain, rather than allowing me to become her caretaker and use that money to actually take care of her. we could have stayed in the apartment she likes, i could have bought a car, and i could have driven her to the places she needed to go. i really wish that is how it would have gone. i learned i need to take initiative rather than allow others to take control and patronize me. i still remember crying so much when we drove gg to mt rainier and she got sick in the car and threw up. what a miserable several hours for her to suffer. i just hated it. it makes me so so so so sad. her end was so painful, and i just... i think there’s so little dignity in the way she passed, and it hurts my heart, because she truly deserved better. a woman so fucking strong, so fucking stubborn, so self-assured, and so invested in the lives of the people around her... it’s cruel that she ended up alone. she liked being alone, but it was wrong that she was condemned to that, because even people who love being alone that much shouldn’t constantly be isolated. it’s bad for our mental health. sigh. tragic. 

 i really only recently lost the ability to cope with certain things. i couldn’t handle last february when those girls bullied me online. that fucked me up. i spent my entire mexico vacation depressed. i couldn’t cope with how ugly i felt in my clothes and body. i am glad i am investing more in my appearance because it makes me feel like i’m taking initiative over how i look. i want to continue to take care of my body and appearance. i want to tan my legs, lose weight, wear fitted and stylish clothing, and practice makeup. i want to get my gouache-like tattoos (rather than watercolor, i should say, since i dont want drippy looking stuff, just faded/blended colors that are kind of “wet” but not like it was painted on a wet canvas). sometimes i get scared that these desires are because i want a man’s approval, but actually a lot of these feelings existed prior to any interest in a man. interest in a man simply exasperated this issue.

other things i couldn’t handle were my shitty job changes, failing at interviews, feeling unloved by josh (which always comes in waves, it’s so bizarre, and now i feel more confident in his love for me, but why? i never used to feel like it before... more just like he won’t leave because he has settled on me), and then of course all the drama with KJosh. That was so toxic from the beginning. I cannot BELIEVE I allowed my self to be involved with him like that in a way that dissatisfied me. And then now again sigh. 

i am also glad i took initiative to talk to a doctor about depression. i am glad i tried medication. i need to continue that path because it will help me cope, i think. adderall or prozac or something. i need to continue to use the gym to relax and watch tv and move my body. i need to gain the courage to try weights. i need to eat good food in the day, hydrate all day, and limit late day eating.

i need to take initiative to make things the way i want them. i feel bad about. if i want to see josh, i need to say, “do you want to hang out?” you know? i mean, i did try to take initiative like that in january, and it flopped. he turned me down so many times, mostly so he could be with girls (or alone because he was exhausted from those girls). he even made copl jokes then, so it’s important to remind myself that his inside jokes and callbacks to stuff are just how he interacts with women. he likes to be close to women on a girlfriend/boyfriend level without actually dating them because for him, dating = path to marriage, and that looms over him. he doesn’t understand that what he wants from a female friendship is literally a girlfriend lol. that creates a strange sort of demand of intimacy from women in his life without him actually caring about that kind of intimacy on an equal level. like for sure he’s weird. he doesn’t even acknowledge that we are currently casually dating. but i am not gonna push it because it will just depress me to hear him say shitty things about whatever.

what i do need to do is, again, meditate on the fact that i can’t control his feelings toward me. i need to constantly remind myself that he does not love me nor does he ever, ever want a long term relationship. his personality cannot work with LTR because he quickly becomes bored and needs new people in his life. he is not familiar with how to maintain long term friendships, even. i am happy to try to show him what that looks like, but it is possible that his personality is not compatable with ltr. personalities change, but i am not in control of that, and if he does not change, it is not a reflection on me. it does not mean that i am not “good enough” to motivate him to want to be around a person for a long time. i can potentially avoid “burning him out” by giving him space, and i like space too, and since i feel more secure in his at least friendly interest in me, i do not feel threatened by staying away. i dont feel like i need to be near him to show off my awesomeness. it is somewhat healthier now, and hopefully i can be down to earth and accept it if it becomes unhealthy and i need to leave. i need to remind myself that it is ok to become fed up with waiting and toxic mentalities. it is sad to leave, but i need to be realistic. meditate on this shit, jenn! daily reminders so i don’t fall into some emotional please-love-me trap!

see, even when he was using me last year, there were still opportunities for me to have a good time with him, like go to some destination with him in jenny’s car. i just needed to actually literally ask. he would have potentially said yes back then. january was a bad time because he was so Over me. damn, he got over me before he even dumped me. hell, he was never under/into me! 

i’m still worried i’ll take it personally if he doesn’t see me on the weekends, so i need to like... brainwash myself into being ok with it. i mean, ffs, i have my own fucking life and interests. i should do my own god damn shit. i literally WANT to do my own stuff again, too, which is a nice refreshing feeling. last year i had lost interest and motivation for my own things, like a fucking shit depressing cycle. 

i need to take initiative to enjoy the time i do have with him because it’s temporary. i had that mentality before--that i needed to enjoy what i could before it came to its inevitable end--but i need to for sure be more active now. ask him to do things, go places. i dont want the whole “go to mt rainier” thing to be just talk. i wanna DO that with him. and i also wanna do chill things like have him over to my house. i wanna learn to cook with him. just all that shit. 

when i think about being his girlfriend, i actually don’t like it. but i do know i like what we are doing now. and that i selfishly want him to want to be with me for the ego boost smh.