#i love giving characters depression and making them distract themselves from their trauma to cope

[theno1joelhater]

oh yay!! words!! (/gen, talking with you is an absolute delight)

the whole cloning process and the beginnings of justin’s descent into madness is left too…unknown? ambiguous doesn’t seem like the right word. who fucking knows

i feel like he’d have something to hold them down, maybe like one of those operating table thingys with the leather straps? do you know what i’m getting at? and maybe some anesthetics. lowers the sound, but i wouldn’t put it past justin to also have soundproof walls. justin case—(dies again)

wayne’s thoughts on life. you are so right. he doesn’t think of it much, his own mortality. i imagine he keeps living because there are so many pranks he could do. so much fun stuff. i don’t imagine he thinks about death all that much, but he still fears it, kind of. like he doesn’t want to die, but death makes him sad and why focus on sad stuff? ignore your feelings in favor of temporary pleasure! insert fahrenheit 451 reference here.

he doesn’t understand his own feelings that well, so he distracts himself with pranking others. he does this almost unconsciously, without thinking. his mind combats his feelings by constantly thinking of pranks. his mind is circulating with potential ways he could prank others because that keeps him occupied. without them, his mind is empty, not thinking of anything. and when his mind is empty, when he’s not constantly thinking, his mind goes deeper, and that’s not good! distractions distractions.

he’s created a world for himself, a world where his problems are light years away.

oh god, the allergy death. cam died and resurrected himself? cam being manipulative and using his god powers to make wayne think he’s safe? ooh awesome. he’s revealed himself as a god to wayne, so wayne thought he’d be safe from death.

even then, wayne was still scared of death. the vast nothingness of the afterlife, no matter what you think the afterlife is like, gives you a lot of time to think. he’s afraid to think, and he doesn’t realize it. he doesn’t put in any effort into understanding himself because he doesn’t want to think about the bad stuff. what is the bad stuff? who knows.

the second death. your idea is awesomesauce amazing. wayne watching them all turn into clones? horrifying. i love it. maybe…just saying things but what if he tried to escape before? and then he was forced to watch as punishment? or what if this was standard for all of the retired chrs? what if they all had to watch, and wayne just took it the hardest? having that world he made shatter in an instant, showing him that he’s in real danger. that he won’t be saved. that cam won’t come in and rescue him, not now.

his mind reverts back to its most primal state. survival comes first. when asked fight or flight, wayne picked flight. he wanted to escape so bad. he wanted to LIVE. and in the end, i suppose he did escape, by dying. but his escape was only ever temporary. he was brought back—why? because he’s god’s favorite. he was god’s favorite and suffered for it.

AAAAAAAAA JUSTIN CASE UPDATE??? WHAT THE FUCK WHY DID HE JUST POST RHE SPOILERS TO THE NEXT INSTALLEMENT OF THE STROY RIGHT THERE INSREA DOF BEING LIKE YEAH IM DOING IT IM KILLING CAM RN FUCK ME (ron intended)

anywayssssss

nathaniel is dead, not very skibidi sigma of him at all but i’m not too surprised, cam’s been trying to get rid of ol’ nathan for a WHILE (besides, look at his last name. it was inevitable)

cam added a mary sue self insert oc that’s basically a god into the cgcu who’s summoned by racism and sexual jokes. damn.

i get the ending and it’s alright, but also seems anticlimactic. like cam shows up and tells justin “dude you’re a fictional made up character on the internet you’re already immortal 💀” and justin’s like “oh fr then ig i’ll stop” which isn’t that satisfying at all. i don’t like that ending the discord’s ending (ask me for an invite link if ur interested in the server, we’re all very cool) is much better since yk. it has actual character development.

personally? i don’t like this ending much and i am unsatisfied. it might be better if he actually posts it but i still don’t like it much. if only…….i finished the goddamn animation……..ughhh

also……….max? whipping it out? right there? cam you better film this part or else /hj

[mimzy-writing-online]

You probably know this by now, I don't know if you keep up with Whumptober, but one of the prompts this year includes "blindness". I'm not blind but based on your posts about writing blind characters, and based on how I would feel if one of my disabilities were used as a whump prompt, I'm not super comfortable with it. I was wondering what your thoughts are on blindness being a Whumptober prompt.

(unironically and with feeling) thanks, I hate it.

Yes, I’m familiar with Whumptober, but I’ve never participated myself and I haven’t seen this year’s prompts.

Edit: I later did see the prompts and check out the blog. I think it's a good set of prompts and I look forward to all the promising content, especially since some of my favorite tropes are there. To be clear before you read this, I have no problem with Whumptober2021 or whump in general. This is not the first time blindness has been included for a list of whump prompts, and it won't be the last.

This post directed at the concept of "blindness" as a whump prompt and why I think it's a bad idea. The intended audience is individual writers thinking about future projects.

The timing of this is almost too perfect because I read a fanfic earlier this week that would meet that prompt exactly. Tags included whump, blindness, and angst with a happy ending. Now whump, hurt/comfort, and angst with a happy ending are tags I enjoy reading, but blindness as whump has a specific message to it.

To explain that message, I want to discuss what whump is. Many readers are already familiar with the genre, but I think taking the specific definitions and picking apart what it means and what expectations we carry when reading whump fanfiction

Urban Dictionary defines it as: taking a character and putting them through physical and/or mental torment and is typically followed by the same character being treated for their traumas. To indicate the characters place in the situation they’d typically be called a whumpee (the character being hurt/comforted), the whumper (the character that causes harm and trauma), and the caretaker (the character designated the helping/healing/comforting the whumpee).

Fanlore has a page for whump that explains it in depth, including where it started in fanfiction, examples of whump, and even a list of “popular targets” in different fandoms. (Warning: you might find yourself called out on the popular targets list)

“The term whump (or whumping) generally refers to a form of Hurt/Comfort that is heavy on the hurt and is often found in gen stories. The exact definition varies and has evolved over time. Essentially, whump involves taking a canon character, and placing them in physically painful or psychologically-damaging scenarios. Often this character is a fan favorite…”

To add to that, I think an important detail is the distinction Fanlore makes between hurt/comfort and whump:

“While some communities and fandoms may use whump as a synonym for hurt/comfort, there is still a recognition that whump refers to darker and more extreme scenarios. And there are still whump fics been written that have very little, or no comfort at the end of the story.”

The big appeal of hurt/comfort is getting to both explore the darker sides of pain and then experience the catharsis of being taken care of, of being supported by your loved ones as you recover from the trauma. The character is the proxy for experiencing those highs and lows while you yourself are safe at home.

I personally don’t read much/any whump without some h/c involved, but I’m happy there are stories out there for people who do enjoy it. I’m not here to judge what you like reading or what you do to your characters.

What I want is to express how blindness, my disability, used as a whump prompt personally makes me feel and what message it sends to me, to others, and how that message affects my daily life.

Whump undeniably involves watching a character suffer through something painful and traumatic.

My use of the word “suffer” is what I want you to focus on.

Vision loss can be painful and traumatic. I personally developed an anxiety disorder in response to vision loss. Others experience depression. For some it might result in relapsing into old, maladaptive coping mechanisms like drug use, self harm, or eating disorders.

A big part of my anxiety was how people reacted to my vision loss. It was a cause of their stress. They were worried because they genuinely believed I would never live a happy life without normal vision, and that my life would only be struggle and pain.

I recently saw an old friend who hadn’t heard about my vision loss. The conversation was awkward, but the worst part was how they reacted as though I had experienced an insurmountable tragedy. And even when I assured them I’m happy with my life, they clearly didn’t believe me. They acted like I was just lying or in denial.

I love that people want to empathize with my situation and ask themselves what they would do in my situation, but I hate when the conclusion they come to is something along the lines of “I could never do that, I’d be too miserable thinking about everything I lost, I’d never be able to do anything I enjoyed ever again.” But I did go blind. And I’m not miserable, I’m actually happy with the direction my life is going, and I still enjoy my hobbies, even if I engage with them differently.

I’m not suffering. My life didn’t end with vision loss. It’s not ruined, broken, or worthless.

I read a fanfic that was tagged with whump, blindness, and angst with a happy ending. A general synopsis of the plot: the whumpee had gone blind due to a curse. It was true love’s kiss that broke the curse. Even from the summary I knew it was going to end with whumpee being cured somehow and that I’d leave that fanfic vaguely dissatisfied no matter how good the rest of the fanfic was.

I can say this for the fanfic: the whumpee had already accepted that they would likely be blind for the rest of their life, but everyone around them was treating it as a tragedy that needed to be fixed, working tirelessly for a cure despite the whumpee’s protests that they didn’t have to.

It actually hit home to my personal experience.

I still left it dissatisfied with the ending. I might love curse fics in that fandom, and I love the “true love’s kiss” trope, but it wasn’t enough to distract me from the fact that: an actual person out in the world thought the best happy ending, maybe the only happy ending, would be if the character got their sight back.

(note: I clicked kudos and exited out of the story's page because no fanfic writer deserves unsolicited critique or hate, especially for content I consumed for free and at my own volition.)

Why read a story I knew would disappoint me?

Because blindness representation is so damn rare that I feel like I’m wandering in a desert, dying from thirst and desperate for that oasis. But sometimes that oasis is a mirage and the author is unintentionally telling you that your life is actually awful and you’ll never be fully happy like this. And that is a shit mentality to walk through life with.

I don’t appreciate blindness being a whump plot. I hate it. Hundreds (thousands?) of fanfictions featuring blind characters are about to enter the internet and the overall message is going to be “You poor thing! You must be in so much pain, you must be miserable! Who’s going to save you? Who’s going to comfort you? Wouldn’t it be terrible if there was no one in your life to take care of you? You poor helpless thing!”

And I feel objectified. I feel trivialized. The mirage in the desert is going to become a starch, empty room filled with dozens of water bottles, almost all of them poisoned. My representation is going to hurt me personally, and it’s going to reinforce that idea strangers have about how awful my life must be.

(I returned to school this past month, and every day I’m hesitant to tell someone I’m visually impaired because I don’t want to be treated differently. If I’ve managed to pass as sighted this whole time and then suddenly reveal “oh yeah, I’m visually impaired” I feel this instant silence, this pause of awkwardness as people suddenly question how they’re supposed to treat me. They treated me like a person, and now I’m something strange and unfamiliar.)

I’ve worked so hard to improve representation for blind people, to give internet strangers the exposure to a blind person they need to normalize blindness because I hope that if they’re ever so lucky as to meet a blind person, they’ll treat that person with respect. That hope that another person in the blind community will find a friend they feel comfortable and accepted with. I hope that I’ll meet people who accept my blindness as just another aspect of me (like being bisexual or gender fluid or a writer or a cat lover).

Please don’t turn me and my community into a caricature. Don’t erase everything I’ve worked for with this blog.

To be clear, this is not just me saying "I hate the cure trope" again. This is me saying "the purpose of whump is to painfully hurt your favorite character, and I hate that your idea of pain and suffering is my daily (wonderful) life."

[curlsofsagesmoke]

TMNT (2012) characters as dysfunctional family roles

here I go again analyzing a kids show that ended four years ago. anyway, I saw a tiktok by user doinbigthink where they gave a quick overview of the six kinds of dysfunctional family roles, and I immediately thought of tmnt bc it’s my current hyperfixation. so I spent almost an hour doing research and writing up this analysis, as one does.

as a preface: dysfunction in a family can be caused by anything from someone struggling with addiction to a parent being abusive or unavailable/neglectful to someone having narcissistic personality disorder (npd) etc. etc. Usually there is one person who is the root cause of this (very deep seated) dysfunction and the others in the family (often the kids) fall into these roles in order to cope.

Leo: The Hero

The Hero is often the oldest child. They cope with the dysfunction in the family by being high achievers or perfectionists, and they need a sense of control in order to feel safe within the family. They are seen as very well-adjusted, balanced, and high-functional and are often used as an example of how well the family as a whole is doing. They may allow this misconception to continue (whether consciously or unconsciously) in order to hide the family’s problems. They may be parentified as children (that is, forced to take on a parental role for their younger siblings) and usually feel a lot of pressure to solve the family’s issues. With Leo in particular, you see these two behaviors in the way he approaches leading his brothers as well as the way he obsessed over bringing Karai into the family for Splinter’s sake after discovering her true identity. As an adult, the Hero is often drawn toward romantic partners who are emotionally unavailable (again, see Leo’s crush on Karai) and tend to throw themselves into their work (Leo’s obsession with ninjutsu)

Leo: The Golden Child

The Golden Child is not a dysfunctional family role but instead describes a relationship that develops between a parent/guardian with npd and one of the children in the family. In these cases, the parent tends to favor the Golden Child because the Golden Child exhibits all the traits the parent loves in themselves. In Splinter and Leo’s case, these characteristics are their devotion to ninjutsu, their general temperaments, and their more spiritual/mystic natures. There are MANY examples of this favoritism in TMNT canon; for example, Splinter teaching Leo his reiki technique (the healing hands) in “the deadly venom” because everyone things Leo is the most capable of learning such an advanced technique (in the episode, Donnie says that he doesn’t think anyone else on the team could’ve done what Leo did, i.e. using the healing hands on himself and saving the others from karai). The parent has a volatile relationship with the Golden Child and often their love is conditional (that is, the parent will favor the Golden Child as long as the Golden Child continues to act like the parent). Because of this, the Golden Child often has trouble establishing an independent identity (see: Raph calling Leo “Splinter Jr.”, though I can’t remember if this happens in 2012 or just in the 2003 version). The Golden Child may also participate in the narcissistic parent’s abuse against the other children in order to protect themself (this is less explicit in canon, but I think that Leo’s leadership style fits this bill)

Raph: The Scapegoat

The Scapegoat is often the second child. As the name suggests, they are often blamed for things that go wrong in the family regardless of whether it was actually their fault or not. Scapegoats are often very aware of their position in the family and as a result they may feel rejected, isolated, and unlovable. I think a good example of Raph feeling like this is the fact that, early in the show, he only openly expresses his emotions to Spike. Scapegoats learn that negative attention is better than no attention (especially from a parent/guardian) and they often engage in high risk behaviors such as sex, drugs, etc. (in Raph’s case, his reckless fighting style and the way he seeks out fights, and this also explains his temper and overall angry demeanor). Because of this, they tend to get into a lot of trouble and are often singled out as the child who needs individual help (aka therapy) even though the root problems lie with the family as a unit. In cases where the parent has npd the Scapegoat is often pitted against the Golden Child. This is called splitting and it is another way to distract from the family’s deeper issues. I feel like I don’t need to explain the way that Leo and Raph are pitted against each other.

Donnie: The Lost Child

The Lost Child, as the name implies, often fades into the background. Usually this is on purpose in an effort to keep themself safe, as they might be scared to draw attention to themself or rock the boat, especially in an abusive household. They may often feel ignored or neglected and are often described as loners who have difficulty developing social skills or self-esteem. Like the Hero, the Lost Child is often used as an example of the family’s stability and success because they aren’t causing trouble. They tend to struggle when forming friendships/romantic relationships, and they are usually praised for not needing a lot of attention/being independent. Because of this, they feel safer when they’re by themselves. Although Donnie does cause trouble sometimes (see: all the times he’s blown some shit up in the lab, the Mutagen man thing, etc.), he’s not seen as the troublemaker. Raph (and Mikey, to a certain extent) definitely takes that title. Donnie is often alone in his lab---working, admittedly, but he still tends to isolate himself, and he is often seen as the most socially awkward of the brothers (see: his relationship with April). There’s also this very interesting exchange from the episode “Enemy of My Enemy” when they’re in the Shellraiser and Leo is about to take the stealth bike to help Karai:

Raph: Hey, the stealth bike’s my thing. Leo: Now your thing is sucking it up. Donnie: Hey! That’s my thing!

Mikey: The Mascot

The Mascot is often the youngest child. They use humor and goofiness to diffuse tension and distract the family from their issues, though when this works, they feel increased pressure to continue to step in when things become tense or volatile. The Mascot acts from a place of anxiety and trauma, and they may have bouts of depression. They also tend to feel as though they cannot express their negative emotions (because they often see themselves as responsible for their family’s happiness). They tend to bend over backwards for people with little regard for their own safety/comfort, and they are drawn to intense and dysfunctional relationships (whether romantic or platonic) where they will be called upon to diffuse tension. This can be seen in the way Mikey approached his friendships with both Bradford (pre-mutation) and Leatherhead. Mikey is also very rarely shown as being sad, angry, or depressed the way that the other three are, and it’s only in times of extreme emotional distress (like the season two finale) where he drops his humor. Even in the midst of tough battles or tough situations, Mikey tends to insert himself into the middle of the tension and is almost constantly cracking jokes or trying to keep things lighthearted. When he does show more negative emotions, it’s in (mostly) one of two ways. One, giving comfort or seeking comfort, usually from Raph (again see the season two finale, where he hugs Raph to calm him down after Splinter “dies” and seeks comfort from Raph in the Party Wagon as they’re driving away from the city). Two, acting combative with Donnie.

Note: Mikey and Donnie acting combative

This second one in particular is really interesting to me because both Donnie and Mikey exhibit a level of comfort/feeling safe with each other that they don’t display with the other two. Mikey only ever gets physical with Donnie (their little slap fight in “Turtle Temper” or attacking him at the end of “The Creeping Doom”), while Donnie only ever purposefully antagonizes Mikey to get a reaction (slapping him in “Turtle Temper”, which prompts the slap fight, or teasingly insulting him at the end of “The Creeping Doom”, which prompts Mikey to attack him). Mikey likes to get under Raph’s skin, but he never retaliates when Raph gets physical with him. Donnie does occasionally argue with Raph and Leo, but usually backs down after Raph threatens him with violence (see “New Girl in Town”), and with Leo it never escalates past a verbal fight (see the season two finale, “the fourfold trap”). Actually, it seems that in Mikey’s and Donnie’s relationship, they take on the roles that you usually see in Raph’s and Mikey’s relationship. Mikey antagonizes Raph and Raph retaliates; similarly, Donnie antagonizes Mikey and Mikey retaliates, but neither of them would act this way toward their other two brothers.

Splinter: The Root of the Dysfunction

I’ve made a lot of allusions by now to Splinter having npd, or at least some narcissistic tendencies. There are many times where he shows favoritism toward Leo or acts in a very stubborn or even self-absorbed manner. In the season one finale, for example, he refuses to help the turtles fight and only leaves the lair after april is kidnapped by the shredder. In “the pulverizer returns”, he makes the turtles switch weapons (for literally no good reason), they almost die in a fight and switch back, and as punishment, he takes their weapons away entirely; this isn’t addressed in the episode, but i do believe that if they’d had their weapons, they could’ve prevented timothy from being mutated in this episode. (Admittedly there are times when he apologizes, admits he’s wrong, and changes his mind, which is why I hesitate to say he exhibits fully narcissistic behaviors). There’s also the physical aspect of their relationship. He’s teaching the turtles ninjutsu, so you can expect a very physical relationship in the form of training, but there are times when he causes the turtles pain for the sake of pain as punishment (e.g. randori, which we see a few times, or when he goes for their pressure points, or when he trips mikey in the episode “monkey brains”, or when he stabs raph with his cane in the episode “turtle temper”, and these are just the examples i can think of off the top of my head). There has been discourse in the fandom about whether these characters (splinter and raph in particular) are abusive, and i don’t want to get into that. However, i think it’s undeniable that splinter raised his kids with the intent to turn them into child soldiers, and also i fully believe that this (plus his parenting style) is the root of the dysfunction in the hamato family.

[crazymisscarly]

on today’s episode of essay-length hot takes nobody asked for:

So I freak out and internally implode whenever ~bughead~ doesn’t let their ship set sail as much as the next person, but I’ve been (over) thinking about it and maybe doing all this weird ‘everyone breaking up and going to the person they dont really work with’ is actually a good thing in the long run.

Not saying I like it, in fact I have approximately seven fanfics that deeply demonstrate HOW MUCH i don’t like it, but this is the canon storyline we’ve got.

Since the writers clearly want to drag it all out for as long as possible because they… want to (their choice, its their work of art, we can only glare at it from afar), perhaps they’re trying to go full circle and prove that couples like bughead, varchie, choni and even kangs are the ones that will work out in the end.

here’s my reasoning:

Yes, I have scrolled as fast as humanly possible through my dashboard to avoid the jughead and tabitha gifs, and earlier today learned that they sang ‘perfect for you’ and my immediate reaction, after I’d finished mourning their platonic friendship, was just *vomit emoji*. But, then I saw the lyrics to perfect for you…. And it sounds like Jughead is trying to change himself into being someone ‘perfect’ so that tabitha will like him. That just doesn’t strike me as either healthy or long lasting. He shouldn’t HAVE to change himself to be in a relationship with Tabitha. Get better, yes, because he’s recovering, but change himself??? They were good friends, they worked well as a team, but in none of those interactions did he try to change himself to make her happy. So why is he now??

And take Fangs and Toni for a moment - they just had a baby together, and they’re apparently in love after one episode (hey if it works for barchie and veggie then why not -.-), but really, aren’t they doing this because they work well as a team and are starting to think ‘maybe we can be a perfect little happy family’???

And Veronica and Archie (won’t lie didn’t watch the musical ep so can’t be sure) broke up because they see themselves doing different things in life (?) and veronica wants to go back to New York. And she wants to work on herself (valid)  and for some reason goes back to Reggie the sister-swapping gigolo next ep (whom she made THIS face at when she found out:

But I digress.)

With this in mind, I would assume Veronica is fearful that, like she lost herself in her relationship with Chad, she’ll lose herself in her relationship with Archie because he isn’t a big time New York City high roller like Reggie must want to be. So she’s hoping that maybe Reggie, who she works well with in a team, could be the one for her.

Now, Betty and Archie…. My soul shivers with cold despair as I even type this, but let’s humour them for a second. Archie is upset that veronica has left him, betty has been shown to use sex as a coping mechanism to avoid her trauma, makes sense they might start their FWB situation again, right??

Except…

Betty is devastated by the loss of her sister and needs to stay in Riverdale, Archie needs to stay in riverdale because he has 673 jobs there, and both of them have shit they want to move on from or be distracted from - they’ve been shown to work well (dare i say it?) as a team, and they’re apparently good friends with each other, so why not give dating a go since their first choices (and make no mistake, Veronica is Archie’s first choice and Jughead was Betty’s first choice) are unavailable and they’re both depressed, traumatised and lonely??

So this should all be just fine and dandy, then right?? Everyone’s happy with their friends-to-lovers relationships, they can frolic blissfully in Pickens park with the loves of their lives shouting “Go teamwork!” Because this is the height of passion! Right??

No.

None of the above mentioned ships have achieved anything more than showing that the characters are SETTLING for the relationships that are ‘second’ best because they’ve come to the conclusion that this is safer than going for the ones they really love. You can’t get burned by your second choice because they don’t hold your heart in their hands - after all, you haven’t truly given it to them.

So if all goes to what I think (hope) is the plan, then by the end of this mysterious 5 episode event, most of these ships should have realised that their relationships are all just relationships of convenience. They aren’t passionate about each other. They are trying to force themselves into a ‘perfect’ relationship that suits what they think they need.

But inevitably: 

Betty will realise that nobody understands her like Jughead. Nobody else lets her feel vulnerable and shows her its okay to open up. Jughead will realise he doesn’t have to change himself to suit a relationship, and he and Tabitha can still be friends - Betty accepted his darkness for what it was, and he loved her even when she showed him hers.

Veronica will realise that she doesn’t have to give up being who she is, even if she chooses to live in Riverdale. And she doesn’t need to be with another Hiram-Lodge wanna be - she loves the small town boy who tries to be good rather than rich. She sees the value in his desire to help others, and HE sees her passionate nature and refusal to give up when she knows something is right!

Toni and Fangs will part amicably as happy little coparents, and i’m sure Kevin and Cheryl will eventually sort their shit out - what’s beautiful about these four though, is that they’ve been working on themselves all season and have actually spoken to each other a fair bit. I’m not even going to pretend to know whats up with Cheryl, but she at least leaves Thornhill occasionally now, and while I don’t know how its going to happen, i’m sure kangs and choni will rise.

On that note, fangs still doesn’t know kevin wanted to win him back, so that can be some actual tension between the characters in the coming episodes.

So where does that leave Tabitha and Reggie?

I can see it going two ways:  1. Tabitha franchises pops diner and moves back to Chicago where she doesn’t need no man, and Reggie keeps being a little philanthropist car salesman (possibly still hooking up with veronica’s sister) 2. #Teggie rising??? 

They’re both very driven people, both business-minded, both excited about the opportunities life has to offer AND they’ve both been shown to be incredibly ambitious. 

They’ve hardly interacted this entire season…. Maybe the writers are Saving a sneaky little surprise for when all the main ships get back together??

We can hope.

Anyway, I wrote this instead of an overdue essay (a real one for my masters degree) so i’m gonna leave my theories in the tumblr void for the time being. Let me know what you think :)

[fandomplethora]

so, i have seen something going around the mystic messenger fandom...and i would like to just share my thoughts on it. 

i would like to quickly add that this is just my opinion on it and my perspective. i also am not sure if this has been confirmed or not - but, either way, my personal thoughts mostly stay the same. 

in my eyes, it is no small thing what’s going around...whether this is a fictional story or not.

tw: heavy mentions of suicide and mental health. major spoilers ahead. 

i have had several discussions based on this going around. i have also seen it on instagram, heard it is going around on twitter and have seen it on tiktok.

i think, to go so far as to put something like that on another character is a bit much...even in a fictional game. it could, potentially, mess up a lot of people’s mindsets playing. i do not think it is a fair perspective on players or what this game is even about. it could also be possibly triggering to players. yoosung is depressed. he lost someone really close to him, that gave him motivation/inspiration. and his grades started slipping, he lost his drive and he just distracted himself with lolol without taking care of himself. and if we really look at it...no character takes care of themselves here. zen doesn’t eat properly...a diet of salad and beer, long hours. he sometimes smokes. jaehee works long hours without getting proper rest or meals - relies strictly on caffeine to keep going. jumin says he takes of himself but it is canon that people have seen him take multiple espresso shots to get going in the day at once. not to mention how he turns to drinking in different points of any route and his sleep schedule is crazy. saeyoung hardly sleeps either; just eats junk food, or mostly chips and soda, and struggles to take care of himself. jihyun is also not taking care of himself, including not receiving needed medical care, as he tries to solve everything going on in the background. saeran isn’t able to take care of himself either when you get to his route due to his situation, including further poisoning his body with the elixir. vanderwood is even in a similar position as saeyoung but, perhaps, dealing in different ways we have not seen much of yet.

so much of this can be attributed to, again, the stress every member is under due to their jobs, student life and situation. so much is attributed to their trauma, mental state, mental health... and so much we find out about in every route. it is also based around their relationships, families and secrets we uncover.

and, coming back to yoosung...i will say that, heartbreakingly, suicidal ideation may happen. and connecting it to the other members once more; there is a moment in jaehee’s route where jumin purposefully, while under the influence, endangers his own life. saeyoung is also severely depressed and “jokes” about his will to live at different points...and in jihyun’s after ending, when he believes his brother has passed, he no longer wants to live and has to be stopped by jumin and vanderwood. jihyun himself is so self-sacrificial...he is willing to risk his own life in order to protect others and to even prove his “love” to rika. and saeran does attempt suicide at the end of jihyun’s route after giving a farewell call to mc...and then has to be saved by jihyun who thanks god for him being alive. and, even before that, expresses (similarly to saeyoung) his lack of care for his own life. and mina (rika) is also shown to idealize self-harm and, perhaps, even suicide as well. 

...and then looping back to yoosung, i do think he is a character who needs help (much like everyone else in the game) and he does need to be acknowledged about this and for his struggles. his mental health, stress as a student, lack of motivation due to all of these facts and reeling from the “death” (another apparent suicide) of a family member close to him. again, i believe there may even be moments from yoosung about his own suicidal thoughts (i’m not denying this fact)...things said in passing based in moments of high emotion and severe depression. 

suicide, mental health/illness, including (in some contexts) suicidal ideation are all, heartbreakingly, major themes and subjects in mystic messenger. 

but, also, i have to add...that to say that someone would have committed suicide without another certain character...is detrimental to some of the positive themes shown in this story. themes of recovery, forgiveness and self-love. of showing actually getting better, healthier coping mechanisms and forming strong bonds with healthy relationships. 

perhaps, this theory (or fact, if it has been confirmed, i have not seen such confirmation yet though)...is saying, more in the sense, that without intervention for yoosung (and any member) these unhealthy coping mechanisms and pain they were going through would not have been properly acknowledged. it is a major part of the whole storyline to acknowledge their feelings and help them through that...to highlight the importance of that. (and not doing so, or encouraging further toxic behaviors, is what leads to the bad endings...this is not hating on completing bad endings or saying you shouldn’t do so - but that is what those can represent. and why only the good endings are considered canon.) 

but i fear that if anyone were to take the stance of “_____ would have killed themselves if _____ was not there” is almost along the lines of “i would no longer want to live if you were not here” or “i would k*ll myself if you were gone”...both of these mindsets are not okay, severely toxic and painful. and, in terms of forming healthy and strong bonds like these characters should (and eventually do)...it ruins the theme of that. the lesson in that.  

my point is; it is all about perspective and showing the deeper context of such a statement. and to please, please be careful when sharing such a statement or reading it.   every character in this story is not in a good place at all when you/mc/hana enter the picture. and, sure, it can be said that mc gives them that boost of energy (brings the spring breeze again, so to speak)...but, really, they just encourage them to do it themselves and talk to each other. while i love the hc where we can have a more active part in helping everyone - to say mc (or hana) does nothing as it is now is not true. 

they holds their hands, they are kind and they listen. they encourage them to take care of themselves and is just there through it. and when helping someone going through something - that’s what it’s really about. (there is no english translation for the webtoon yet so this part is just based on me skimming the chapters as they are released.) but hana seems to also be kind, encouraging and gives them that kick again. everyone in the rfa truly does care about each other and, sure, they needed someone to remind them again. but i genuinely think to take that dark of a possible “what if” is not fair to the story at all or the characters.

things like this never take just one person or are on one person’s back. it’s everyone involved - it’s a support system. that is just what the rfa needed to see more clearly. (even before mc came in and helped...it’s still said that, while the rfa were worried and didn’t know where to go from where they were...they still did use the chatroom as an outlet to talk to each other. so, they were getting there. could things have gotten more complicated if mc hadn’t come? yes...again, they changed the course tremendously. but for things to go that far is just...not true to me.) 

(side note: the only thing that makes me sad is how someone could be potentially left out when you’re on another route. it’s why i wish for a final route where you can help everyone. and/or what i’m wishing for the webtoon to be.) 

but each route gets to show the possibility of hope and recovery for every single character in this game - and how that strength and care and love was in them all along.  again, i have no idea about anything like that being confirmed or not. mental health is a HUGE theme in mystic messenger as a whole - but i take the perspective of what i said more when thinking about it either way. (along with some other things that I’ve posted about on tumblr before.) anyways, in your life, reach out for help if you need it. there is hope..support each other and you can find strength within yourself again. & in my opinion, when playing the game (or now reading the webtoon), that’s something it teaches and shows as well.

edit: this is not a “this is right and this is wrong” post. things are never black and white - mental health and recovery is never linear. i just want to add that in case anything here came across as preachy or like i was trying to sound...well, lecturing even. i am not a professional by any means and am just someone who also struggles with their own mental health. so, i hope nothing in this post came across as offensive, hurtful or insensitive.

[oceanmotioned]

Criminal Mind Games

About The Games

With current events being what they are, we are all in need of some serious distraction. In the interest of something to do, I’ve come up with some weekly headcanon challenges that people can participate in as actively or casually as they please.

The dates themselves are more like guidelines than rules - this is not meant to add pressure or stress to anyone’s day but provide a fun exercise to keep the dash busy and alive throughout the course of a tough time.

There are no rules to how many challenges you need to complete per week and nothing stopping you from completing week one during week four or, if you’re just not feeling a week’s theme, doing another week entirely. It’s all up to you to have fun at your pace!

For multimuses, you can answer with a different character each day, or run a death march round and try and do something each week for each character! I would not recommend trying to do everything for every character, since there’s no trophy for it but hey - you do you! 

Please reblog this challenge so that others can see it and participate in it, or link to it somewhere in your headcanon. The more this spreads ( especially in smaller communities ) the more activity it will hopefully inspire!

Due to how — unintentionally long this turned out to be, I am using a read more to spare everyone a mile long adventure!

Week 1

[ April 07  -  April 18 ]

This week will be longer than the others in order to compensate for time spent spreading this around and for the fact the idea didn’t come to me on a Sunday. This week’s theme is origins and first experiences. 

April 07 - What was your character’s favorite subjects in school? Why?

April 08 - Did your character partake in sports or extracurricular activities? How do those choices now correlate to the career they have today?

April 09 - Did your character always want to work with the F.B.I. or did that come to them later in life? What inspired them to work in their particular fields?

April 10 - What was your character’s first experience with injustice? How does it influence their world view today? 

April 11 - Describe your character’s first encounter with police and how it influenced their views of law enforcement. 

April 12 - Describe their first case, did it impact their view of their new job? Does it influence their choices at all now?

April 13 - Talk about the first time a case felt like it was too much. Who did they turn to? Or did they keep it to themselves? How did they cope, and how did things work out as a result? 

April 14 - Talk about the first time a victim or relative of a victim reached out, or your character encountered them outside of the case. How did that interaction go down, and how did it impact your character’s view on their role in things? 

April 15 - Talk about their first big mistake - doesn’t have to be job related, it could be anything that had a long term impact. What was it, and what have they done since in relation to it? Would others perceive it as a mistake, or do they endeavor to hide it ( or merely their views on it ) ?

April 16 - The first time someone played a prank on them at work, and what happened next. Did they immediately know who was responsible, or was it the start of a war?

April 17 - The first time they lost someone in the line of duty, or had a significant shake up in work team dynamics, and how they coped. 

April 18 - The first time someone at work made them feel like they were part of a group, if not even a family. 

Week 2

[ April 19  -  April 25 ]

This week’s theme is seemingly insignificant details that other characters might pick up on and maybe use in threads as a way of demonstrating how well they know your character!  

April 19 - What’s their default Starbucks order? Do they make different orders if they are happy versus when they are stressed? Tired versus well rested?

April 20 - If another character was temporarily blind and deaf, and could only identify yours through smell, what would immediately jump out at them to let them know it was your character nearby?

April 21 - Something your character never has enough of or is constantly misplacing ( pens, hair ties, etc ) that a Good Buddy™ should keep spares of to offer up in times of need?

April 22 - Personal passion or hyperfocus your character has that they know a lot about and are always happy to talk about that someone could bring up as a means of distracting your character in a stressful or emotional situation? Baseball cards, butterflies, Doctor Who? 

April 23 - Building on the past two days, lets talk signs of stress - what are your character’s tells? Do they move their hands more or less? Do they become physically agitated or seemingly lethargic? Talk faster, talk less? How would their friends and colleagues know something isn’t right?

April 24 - Secret Santa time! What gifts are always sure to please your character, or at least show that Santa has some observational skills. 

April 25 - Do they go for spicy, sweet or sour foods when its time to order takeout? What’s their favorite restaurant for eating in, verses their favorite fast food place? Do they mix it up a lot or are they a creature of habit? 

Week 3

[ April 26  -  May 02 ]

For this week, lets explore the psychological profile of your character by digging into all the things that really make them tick. 

April 26 - What are their biggest fears?

April 27 - Top three regrets?

April 28 - Five things they take the most pride in. 

April 29 - What are their pressure points? ( Things that set them off ) 

April 30 - What techniques do they use to cope with stress and trauma?

May 01 - Worst lies they have ever told / felt they had to maintain?

May 02 - Three moments that they would alter if they could. ( A great way to invite AU opportunities through threading those moments differently later! ) 

Week 4

[ May 03  -  May 09 ]

Jumping into lighter topics, for this week we’re going to look at happy memories to remind ourselves that no matter what hell canon ( or lets face it, we writers! ) has put our character through, they have had good times too and those moments have their own impacts on who they are as a person! 

May 03 - Describe their happiest memory.

May 04 - Happiest memory involving an animal? Be it their pet, someone else’s pet, a zoo moment - something that sparked joy and had animals involved.

May 05 - Describe a time when your character was feeling down, and someone lifted them up - what did they do and why did it work?

May 06 - Happiest memory with their colleagues. 

May 07 - Talk about the best prank they ever took part in, or remember observing.

May 08 - Their happiest memory involving the news - be it delight at a ridiculous headline, vindication in a particular result or even just excitement for someone else’s success.

May 09 - If someone else were to think of your character at their happiest, how old was your character and why was that time so joyful?

Week 5

[ May 10  -  May 16 ]

Bouncing off our happy memory high, characters who may be more withdrawn, depressed, grumpy or just plain unsociable might be feeling confident enough to give us a look into their accomplishments, goals, and insecurities - so let’s dig in while they’re still malleable!

May 10 - What would your character claim as their greatest accomplishment? Would others agree, or say something different?

May 11 - Do they have any idols or heroes that they look up to and aspire to be like?  What does their best self look like?

May 12 - Detail a time your character was undermined and how that impacted them. Do they no longer try, or do they just try harder?

May 13 - Describe the things that make your character feel insecure, and how those insecurities impact their actions today. 

May 14 - If they could choose what they were known for in the world, what would they want their legacy to be?

May 15 - Are they proud of where they are today?

May 16 - Talk about a time when your character let their insecurities get the best of them. Did they learn anything, or did it only exacerbate the problem?

Week 6

[ May 17  -  May 23 ]

For this week, we’re going to take a look at the relationships that impact your character!

May 17 - The colleague they feel closest to, and the one they look up to most. Are they the same person? Why or why not? 

May 18 - Discuss someone who changed, influenced, or significantly impacted your character’s views on justice & vigilantism.

May 19 - Who comes to mind first when your character is asked who is most important to them? Why does that person stand out so much?

May 20 - Who are the people they most want to impress in life?

May 21 - Discuss someone who changed, influenced, or significantly impacted your characters views on religion, karma & luck.

May 22 - Discuss someone who brought out the darkest sides of your character and how those feelings impact your character now. 

May 23 - Discuss someone who caused your character to take the law into their own hands - do they regret it?

Week 7

[ May 24  -  May 31 ]

This week’s theme is wishes and dreams, which is an opportunity for muns to stick bait on a hook and fling it onto the dash for some more fun interactions! 

May 24 - A character you would most like to have yours interact with, and three ideas for start up interactions.

May 25 - 3 to 5 songs that you would love to build a thread around in some way, be it inspired by the vibes or the lyrics.

May 26 - Due to a series of unfortunate events, your character has to go into Witness Protection with (1) other person. Who do you think would be the most challenging and entertaining for your character to be stuck with? Feel free to list multiple options!

May 27 - Make a list of 5 - 10 sentences guaranteed to get a visceral response from your character and invite your followers to send them in.  

May 28 - Thanks to a filing error, your character has been assigned a support animal and it’s going to take a hot minute to untangle the paper trail for how that even happened. What is the animal and who are your character’s top contenders for 1) being at fault for this prank and 2) being responsible for helping them survive the next week. 

May 29 - 3 to 5 obscure / rare characters you would like to see and maybe a bit on why you think they would be interesting - a little blurb that might inspire another to pick them up!

May 30 - Cases resolved, the team has time off. List 3 - 5 reasons your character might ring them up for non-work related events and get-togethers. 

May 31 - Tag 5 people — I’m kidding. Take today off for self care, or post how your character self cares and pat yourself on the back for even reading this far! And absolutely treat yourself if you did even one of these <3 I hope this was at least a little fun for folks!

[babbushka]

How do you think your writing has changed all these years, Mrs. Z?

Oh dang this is a pretty deep question, lol. I think that the very very short answer is, I’m writing stories now that help me, instead of stories that distract me. Long answer under the cut because, well, it’s long lol (tw for discussion mental illness/trauma)

Back when I started writing, before I even really knew it, I was writing to cope lmao. Which isn’t an unusual thing, lots of people do it, lots of people make art to help them get through whatever it is that they need help getting through. As a child I struggled with a lot of shit that I’m still struggling with now, I won’t get into the details of it because that’s a conversation for another day lol, but the gist is mental/emotional abuse/gaslighting, body image problems/eating disorders, suicidal issues, and also dealing with incredibly brutal antisemitism and homophobia. Things were rough up in my noggin’, for a very very long time, to say the least. 

And one of the big ways that i coped with that was through movies. I watched like 2 movies a day every day for 20 years lol (that’s sort of an exaggeration but also not really), and through that, came the love of stories and the love of writing. I dealt with my awful life by watching a movie and then either by completely and totally ignoring my own misery and writing stories that filled the void of happiness, or by projecting myself so heavily onto characters (whether it was cringey original content or even cringier fanfic) who were perfect and could do no wrong to somehow make my own misery feel a little less real. 

But you know, over the course of a decade or so, as you grow up and as you learn about yourself and you learn about the world, there are some realizations that come to light that impact you. You start to realize that the content that you’re consuming has an impact on you. I grew up and I got smart and I started to see the issue with a lot of the content that I was making and watching, it started to annoy me, because so much of it was just, poorly written lol. 

I stopped trying to desperately pretend that everything in my life was okay, and I started to embrace the fact that things were shit but things could be fixed, that it was never too late to start working to better yourself. I stopped projecting myself onto characters who were squeaky clean and perfect and flat and had no dimension, and instead tried to find myself in characters that maybe were just as flawed as I was. 

Because even when life is shit and you’re a completely fucked up hollow shell of a person, there’s hope. Even when things are bleak, there’s hope. There’s love. There’s solidarity in brokenness, and in working towards putting yourself back together again -- not for anyone’s sake other than yourself. I was tired of seeing women treated like shit, I was tired of seeing fat people and jewish people turned into jokes, I was tired of watching gay people get killed or only .2 seconds of screentime. I was tired of men writing, and in some reactionary way I began to write these like, what I thought were rebellious stories instead. 

So I went from writing these kinda cringey stories about like, nothing of any importance and were just puff pieces to give myself something to look forward to -- and instead shifted towards writing these (also cringey tbh) grand epic fantasy novels where broken people find family in one another and save the day and also themselves and it was always about strong women being incredible and doing amazing things and carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. 

And you know, then you go to college and you go to grad school, and things happen during those years that shape you formatively as a person. You get fun new traumas that adult life brings you that get piled on top of old childhood traumas that you don’t even really realize that you’re dealing with until it all becomes too much all at once. And when it was just too much for me, I turned to writing. All the things that I felt and had absolutely no one to tell, no one to vent to because of my own fears at being mocked or shamed or gaslit or whatever, went into the writing. 

And the writing then changed again, because now it was no longer these fluffy fantastical pieces where everything is sunshine and rainbows, or these grand sweeping epics where the heroes save the day -- now it was just, humanity. Open and honest humanity. Real people in real every day situations just trying their best. People sharing the weight that rests on their shoulders, humans relying on one another to make it through the hell-hole of life, with all the trips and slips and falls and tumbles that go with it. 

So as I’ve grown up, the stories that I write have become less total escapist fantasies, and more introspective/thought-provoking commentaries on my issues with life. When something awful happened to me, I would try and process that through these characters, I would try and give them some semblance of a happy ending, because I could control their lives, even if I couldn’t control all the aspects of my own -- but I didn’t shy away from the uglier parts of their lives, because that’s what made them interesting to me. That real people could have real problems and real flaws and still be loved. Still have someone to want to be with them, still have someone to want to help them. 

I learned to love myself by writing characters learn to love themselves. I learned to process a lot of trauma and a lot of my own hangups mentally, by writing these characters working together and coming together and loving one another so much that it was almost as if nothing could be stronger than that love, not the hate or the bigotry or the depression or anything else. 

I had awful awful awful experiences with relationships and so I started to write nothing but healthy beautiful love, where all the people involved actually like one another, care about one another, support one another. I was hit with horrible and unexpected grief so I wrote stories that dealt with mortality and the way death hits us in ways we don’t think it will. I was assaulted and targeted for being jewish so I wrote proudly jewish characters who are celebrated for their difference instead of punished for it. The writing is me, and I am the writing, just as it always has been, but more honest. 

And now, the irony of it all, is that I’ve kind of come full circle. I occasionally do write fluffy puff pieces where everything is sunshine and rainbows. I occasionally write grand sweeping epics where the heroes save the day. But I’m much more honest about it now. I don’t kid myself anymore, you know? No one is perfect, that’s not how people work, and it’s not interesting to read about perfect people. 

It’s much more interesting to read about that raw humanity that permeates its way into every story ever told. It just took me a while to figure that out for myself, and even longer for the writing to reflect that. 

[csa-survivor-confessions]

? everything is so hard I love to write I’ve been working on a book but I haven’t made any progress on it in so long I need to finish it soon but I just can’t do it I open my laptop and just stare at the screen till I give up I always feel like crying but no tears ever actually come out it’s like I don’t even have the energy to do that anymore where do I get motivation how do I stop feeling so terrible and stop being so haunted by the past getting help is not an option right now I’m just so lost

Hello,

Those are symptoms of depression as well as other things like PTSD. Fatigue, as well as executive dysfunction (more about that here), can cause it to be really hard to get things done even if you enjoy them. 

Honestly, there isn’t an easy or fast way to be able to get rid of those feelings. Healing from trauma and depression can take time, often therapy and a lot of work. 

Not being able to cry has always been one of the strangest and most upsetting things depression can cause, but it is common.

There are some little things can help though:

Making sure your eating and drinking enough. (i know we always say this, but it really is important)

Keep up with hygiene. It’s hard when energy is in short supply and other things feel more important. but it can feel better when teeth are brushed and you have on clean undergarments. 

For writing doing other creative things unrelated can be useful. If you let your mind move a bit but not trying to force yourself to do the things that are stressing you out. 

moving! take a walk, swim, dance, run, yoga, or any other exercise you enjoy. It doesn’t need to be rigorous or competitive but moving a bit can help distract you from over thinking the task as well as generally being helpful. And do not push yourself past your limits, that can increase fatigue. 

Reach out to people. Often when depression and motivation become really hard we isolate, reaching out and being a little social can be amazing! You don’t have to go to a party, but just texting or calling a friend can make a huge difference. If you can see someone in person even better.

Let yourself rest, sleep is important (some advice for better sleep) but beyond that respect, your body is tired, and know that is okay.

Creating coping boxes/corners are something some people love. A box with things that are positive. A favourite stuffed animal, lip gloss, perfume, toys, blankets, hot cocoa mix, colouring books, sweater, music, old photos, books or anything else that cheers you up. Coping boxes can be looked up there are some how too.

music! just listen to lots of it idk it’s just always been helpful for me.

Get yourself into a somewhat regular schedule. This can make motivation a bit easier as you know when to do things and don’t end up as listless. This also helps you know there aren't other things to be doing. Build in lots of rest breaks, social and down time as well as eating and hygiene.

Come up with a crisis plan, now this is generally more relevant for those who have a history of harming themselves but I do think I will still suggest it. This requires coming up with a plan of action if you come to a point of possibly hurting yourself. Talking to someone nearby who supports you and understand the best way to keep you safe.

Affirmations, they sound a bit hokey but can help refocus:

Remind yourself that your pain and emotions are real and that they absolutely matter.

Understand that stopping yourself from feeling something isn’t always the goal, often it’s about understanding and handling the reactions to that. Emotions are there for a reason, and it’s okay to respect that.

Some apps that might help if you have access:

Virtual Hope Box-Distractions, Coping Skills, Inspiration and relaxation skills

BoosterBuddy-Mood tracker, Saftey Plan creator and Coping skill organizer, Includes cute characters as motivation

I suggest checking out our resources page. There is some advice about more specific issues you might be having, as well as some other apps and information on mental health.

More than anything, understand that none of this is your fault or a weakness or anything like that. You are so strong, and I am very sorry you are in so much pain.

Sorry, this was kind of long but I hope something is helpful,

-Admin 1

[forlornmelody]

PSA: Mass Effect & PTSD

Hey guys!

I’m here today to talk about one of my favorite things....and one of my least favorite things. Both have a pretty big effect (heh) on my life. 

Mass Effect is probably my top video game of all time. FemShep is one of my top characters in any medium. You know why? She suffers from the same mental illness I do and she STILL saves the galaxy. She doesn’t give up. It’s really inspiring. I’m proud of Bioware for showing the human side of her, especially in ME3. We get to see her crumble a little, and we get to see her deal with her symptoms in ways I imagine a lot of soldiers do. (My PTSD isn’t combat related, but I do have several close friends and family members with combat, and non-combat PTSD.)

It’s also super awesome that you guys are writing about PTSD in your fanfics! I love that fans are willing to explore that part of Shepard’s story. With everything Shepard has been through (regardless of their origin story), it makes sense that it would have an effect on them, no?

But I also think we can do better. Here’s some things to keep in mind: 

1) PTSD is more than just nightmares. This trope is understandable, as this is the symptom Mass Effect features throughout the third game. Don’t get me wrong-- a lot of people with PTSD suffer from nightmares, but there are more symptoms than just that. Nightmares are actually kind of rare for me. Other symptoms include, but are not limited to: shaking, muscle tension, trouble communicating (unable to form complete words, phrases, or sentences), flashbacks of the event, avoidance behaviors (isolating yourself or avoiding certain people or places connected to the event, or having trouble forming relationships in general), nausea, loss of appetite, dry-heaving, and hyperventilating (feeling like you can’t breathe.) The last one especially would be difficult for Shepard, as you know...they died by suffocating in space. 

2) Post Traumatic nightmares vary person to person. When I do have them, they aren’t always directly connected to the traumatic event. Maybe it’s just the way my brain works. My dreams tend to take on more symbolic forms based on my underlying feelings surrounding my mental illness. (This week they have all had themes around my inability to communicate or feeling trapped in my situation.) The way I tell the difference between a regular nightmare and a post traumatic one is how I feel afterwards. Post traumatic nightmares leave me feeling wide awake and unable to fall back asleep. They’re harder to wake up from (I lucid dream a lot.)

3) Post Traumatic episodes are EXHAUSTING. This is probably the most misunderstood thing in Mass Effect fanfiction. I see it a lot. You know, Shep has a fucked up day, they lose a dear friend and/or nearly dies, and/or something they experience brings up trauma from their past. Their love interest finds them and they bang. Everything is a--okay. WHAT!? During a post traumatic episode, your body is on high alert. You’re experiencing the purest forms of fight or flight. Your heart is racing. Your adrenaline is up. All your muscles are tensed up and ready to run away or fight for your life. You have tunnel vision. Keep in mind this can happen at any point after the event, and often in contexts that are only mildly stressful to the every day person. Your mind/body isn’t concerned with what happens afterward, only that you survive what it thinks is danger. You probably aren’t going to be up for sexy times afterward. You will probably only want to sleep, but that might not happen because your fear of post traumatic nightmares, or your mind is still keyed up even though your body is exhausted. Also, all that emotional energy is going to be used up. You might feel numb or depressed. You might have thoughts of killing yourself, or fearing for your future. Now, I’m not saying Shep won’t try for sexy times after an episode, but it’s going to look different than normal sex. Maybe they’re using it to distract their partner from their pain. Maybe they use it to ground themselves in their current reality. Timing matters. Is it in the middle of an episode? Is it after? Does Shep mind being touched when they’re experiencing symptoms? These are all things to keep in mind. 

4) Coping mechanisms differ person to person. Some people drink. Others have sex. Some push themselves into their work. Others make art. Some get counseling/therapy. Some exercise. Others take prescription medication. How your Shepard copes and to what degree really depends on how well educated they are about their condition and the emotional support system they have. How well they cope probably changes for better or for worse depending on what point they are in their story. 

Hope you find this helpful. Feel free to reply with questions. (I’m not a mental health professional, but I can speak to my own experiences and that of my loved ones.)