#i love furio hes so fucking funny

[gumiworth]

fuck feenris I only fw violris

[deaddovedecadence]

Title: Puppies

Warning(s): manipulation, yandere shit, yelling

Summery: after a fight with bruce, duke brings you a gift (but not is all that is seems to be)

Bruce is a dick when he’s angry, but he never yells and that’s the worst part. He takes, takes everything that you are and makes you feel so small, and sometimes you think that this is what Jason run, because if he had to deal with this when he was young then why wouldn’t he.

You’ve curled up in your bathroom, the room door that locks, and you’ve rested yourself against it, not thinking about how you’re breaking another rules because there are so many rules and you always seem to fuck up even on the days that you're trying to be good. There is not good enough for them, there is nothing you can do to get your freedom because they are all faster, stronger, smarter then you are. They've done a millions times and you've never been held hostage and been told that it's for love.

this is nopt love, this is possession and you do not want possession. Does freedom even exist for you, made something that you didn't used to be by them, because of them.

"Hey," there's a voice from outside the door, pulling you away from the spiral that you've sunken into. You don't respond to the voice even though you know that it's just Duke, Duke the only person not to raise his hands againt you, never cruel, always patient, always kind. It was with him that you meant to go on a outing with but now, you don't want to leave this bathroom, because at least it is safe in the bathroom.

There's a soft rapping sound and Duke sighs, "I heard that Bruce lost his mind, huh? That probably really sucked." He's making an understatement and you both know it but Duke is gentle anyways, (a predator) coaxing you out of your hiding spot. "Tell me what happened and I'll give you a surprise." he says, and Duke's surprises are always good so you start.

"I didn't know that bruce didn't know about our outing," you whisper, "i was waiting on the front step and he saw and he lost it. Duke, am I really nothing without you?" There's a hissed out sigh from Duke, "You know that Bruce gets anxious about us, right? Specially you an Jase cause you're new and Jase is fresh home. He didn't mean to." You know that and yet, it's not enough right now. "I told you what happened," you snap, "so give me my surprise now."

Your (not a) brother laughs, "only if you unlock the door and come out.” You unlock the door, slowly opening it. It’s duke and he’s holding something, well two something’s actually. He’s holding what look like twin Rottie puppies and they’re so cute. “I thought you’d like to have someone besides me and Jase. You take one of them and coo and it. “Whats their name?” You mumble, holding the puppy tight across your chest. “I thought it might be funny to name them Shadow and sunshine. I’d take shadow, she’s a girl, and you could have sunshine, he’s a boy .” You croon and Sunshine with his black fur and bright blue eyes. “They’re perfect. thank you duke.”

Duke smiles, “and because they are puppies, we get to go to training together so more outings.” You grin at him, crooning at the say that sunshine yawns. “Can he sleep here?” You murmur, and Duke nods.

“Thank you Duke,”

“Welcome Sunshine.”

-

Bruce is getting some work done with his son storms into his office, eyes glowing in way that they only do when he’s angry. “What’s wrong?” he says, and Duke hisses, that sound more animal then anything a normal human could make.

“You really had to fuck up all my progress with them? I got sunshine to the point of not wanting to escape and you nearly ruined all that because you’re scared.” Bruce stands, staring at duke. “I did not know,” he snaps, “I did not know and I didn’t mean to.”

His son laughs, the sound cold. “I know that but that doesn’t mean you ruin all my fuckin progress with Sushine cause you a paranoid motherfucker.” Some of Duke’s gotham is slipping into his accent as he speaks, never yelling but obvious furious. There’s a knock on the door, and Dick slips in, looking at the two of them before sighing, “just go spar it out and you’ll feel better.” Duke slips out of the room, tiling his head in a way that means follow so bruce follows.

Author’s note: Duke is such a scary yandere to me bc this man really be bending you in ways that you can’t even notice. Yes the dog was a plot to get you to stay with them and not run. Duke genuinely does not care what he has to do to protect his family and I think that he’s so real for that /j

[crows-canvas]

Okok another doodle dump. These were from as I was playing AA4&5 (except for Dollie and Runo, drew em separate) I just had a habit of staring at the characters like “i like you. im gonna draw you.” And so I did. My controller ran out of battery a lot because i just idled for 20ish minutes each time i drew someone 💀

Kristoph's was when he stood next to us in the stand

Wocky's nervous side glance

Jinxie hiding

Kept it simple for mr booby and swapped between staring at his portrait to looking at him right in front of me.

I do also have one of Furio when I was playing T&T and I'll get that up later

I found them! Phoenix was when i first started playing the trilogy which was like.. mid last year? Then I loved Furio so much that I decided to use him as practice! Art study i guess? I pulled up one of his sprites then just like. drew it as exact as I could. And it was cause i just finished watching a video on art studying and stuff and i thought i wanna try that so i did… with Furio

Super funny fact I actually hate drawing people! And then I played AA, obsessed over Nick's nose shape in that closeup sprite then decided, fuck it i wanna draw his face! And now im weirdly comfortable with drawing people????? Power of fixation

[biggie-chcese]

So uh,, what's your thoughts about Viviakou and Kokobolt?

ohhh ok so im of the rare breed that kinda only likes vivakou as a one-sided romance, if a romance at all, because they are so Doomed Yaoi to me.

i think it's very sweet that vivia finds a reason to live because yakou has shown how much he cares. i think yakou looking out for vivia's health is also extremely sweet. but i also just think that Yakou "i threw the entire NDA (including vivia) under the bus, into the heart of enemy territory, with no way to escape the peacekeepers, for a revenge plot" Furio just isn't open to loving anyone romantically other than his dead wife. he'd need a long time to get over her, and he doesn't even live long enough to do it. i like the angst potential. it makes vivia's arc in ch 4 all the more tragic, yet also cathartic when he lets yakou go and helps yuma find the truth.

TD;DR: not a fav, but i 100% understand it and think it's narratively interesting when one-sided on vivia's part.

now onto kokobolt.

ok. look. i get it. i see their gumshoe gabs. i see their bromance. i see desuhiko basically outright saying he'd fuck yuma while yuma is dressed as a high school girl but shhhh details, details and i see why it's popular. but i... i'm a hard neutral on it. like, i like it a little? but for the most part i just kinda feel nothing about them. i think they're at their best in memes and jokes. they're a really solid comedic duo and have a funny, enjoyable dynamic. but i dont care for kokobolt fluff nor do i really see myself enjoying angst of them. like i don't even see them doing the awkward slowburn "i dont wanna ruin our friendship" pining that usually comes with the "best bro friends to lovers" trope because desuhiko would just outright ask yuma if he could hit. which he has already done in canon. the only slowburn would just be yuma saying no thanks until eventually he just says "sure whatever you can hit." like, yuma may be a cringefail loser, but he could do better.

TL;DR: neutral on them but i get it. they're funny tho.

[shinigamichan]

yakou for the ask game

-How I feel abt this character

FUZZZZ HEAADDDDD Im very normal abt him.. as ur aware. he’s my pookie pie. im so normal about him and i also have a normal relationship with my father. I want to keep him in a little box or perhaps hold his hands and go frolicking. also he can murder me if he wants to i wouldnt care

-all the people in ship with this character

ms furio. they literally invented love. also vivia because ch4 was fruity as hell. but mostly ohhhhh the furios beautiful marriage….. also i fw furroughs bc of wiki LMAOAOAO

-non romantic OTP

this is absurd but Shinigami. look they shoulda talked in game they’re REALLY funny in oreyome. and again ohhhb ch4… otherwise I think yakou yuma roommates r REALLY good. also him and fubuki r cute. so basically the entire NDA.

-unpopular opinion

what’s unpopular. ummm I think his dlc was kind of a cop out ngl. but I don’t mind a happy ending so I guess it’s fine I don’t care much. more fuzz head is fine w me!!!!

-one thing I wish happened

coalescence. IK he doesn’t have a forte but he’d be so fucking funny in the ML…. plz kodaka plz…. also I wanna know ms furios name. shes so beautiful who is she..

[iceaxeflynn]

SPOILERS FOR PA:AA—T&T RECIPE FOR TURNABOUT

I was playing through PA:AA Trials and Tribulations, and I just realized that no one talks about Recipe for Turnabout.

Why? How can no one in this fandom not go bat shit insane for Phony Phoenix? I mean look at this man

He’s bat chit insane. The madlad is literally an anti-Phoenix. He calls himself the Tiger. He growls at the jury. He’s so scary the Judge hides under his desk.

HE MAKES A FAKE ATTORNEY BADGE OUT OF CARDBOARD AND PRETENDS TO BE PHOENIX IN!!! COURT!!!!!!

AND NOBODY SAYS ANYTHING!

Gumshoe, the Judge, Maggey, AND EVEN MAYA don’t register that its NOT PHOENIX.

He’s constantly screaming. He’s growling. He tells Phoenix that for every dumb question he asks he’s gonna sue him $50,000.

HE’S BRIGHT. FUCKING. RED.

I refuse to acgnowledge this Furio Tigre erasure. That case was a fucking wild ride. That man impersonated the most popular defense attorney and almost got away with it, and it was heavily implied that he was dating the granddaughter of the

HEAD OF THE GODDAMN MAFIA.

Did I mention he roars like a tiger? I don’t think you understand. This man has AUDIO DIALOGUE THAT PLAYS EVERY TIME HE ROARS. EVEN PHOENIX HIDES UNDER HIS DESK FROM HIM.

LOOK AT THAT SUIT!!!!

And then lets step away from fuckin Tiger Phoenix for a minute.

We ALSO learn that Gumshoe is SUPER SOFT for Maggey Bryde. She gets arrested for supposedly being the murderer, and Gumshoe is in HYSTERICS. He runs around like a lost puppy doing everything he can to get Maggey out with the same if not more panic than he had when Edgeworth was arrested. AND ITS SO??? WHOLESOME?????

Like he’s SO CUTE TOO. He makes Maggey lunches, because he notices she’s been loosing weight and doesn’t want her to be unhealthy. When he understands that Maggey is mad at him because of a misunderstanding, he avoids her because she says she doesn’t want to see him, and he doesn’t want to push himself onto her.

HE’S SUCH A GENTLEMAN?? WHY DO I NOT SEE MORE MAGGEY AND GUMSHOE SHIP ART.

Not only that, but they have PERFECT ENERGY TOGETHER. They’re both like energetic dogs you can rely on. They’re excited, and they’re here to do their best. They can do no wrong.

Also, Gumshoe and Maggey LOVE the same foods and it’s adorable. You can’t change my mind; straight ships can be adorable too I’m literally a gay man call me homophobic I dare you.

ALSO JUST?? THE OTHER CHARACTERS AS WELL?????

First up we’ve got who I like to call

Grandpa Seedman (A.K.A. Victor Kudo)

What a man. What a madlad. He makes me want to dump him in a fucking silo of birdseed.

Why is he here? Why does he have all that birdseed? Why can’t he calm down and stop throwing it for five seconds? If I had to guess what Wendy Oldbag’s ex-husband would be like, this is exactly who I think it would be. They’re both insufferable to no end. Let me throw them outa window.

Then we got Monsieur Essential Oils (A.K.A. Jean Armstrong)

What In The Royal Fuck. Where are these roses coming from. Why does his restaurant look like a Hello Kitty Lolita Cafe. He’s also half a million dollars in debt. I would ask why but if you took one look in hid goddamn restaurant you would understand why. Also literally everyone in the game thinks his food is shit.

Please sir. Please you’re so gay it hurts. He’s literally April May but a guy. Actively flirts with Gotot which is pretty funny so you get some extra points.

Wednesday Addams (A.K.A. Viola Cadaverini)

So little miss is the granddaughter of a fucking MOB BOSS and she is literally true crime. Constantly mutters about offering you tea. Would be a nice gesture if the murder in this case WASNT CAUSED BY SOMEONE BEING POISONED THROUGH A DRINK also the fact that the MURDERER IS HER BOSS

She’s actually pretty chill, despite how off-putting she is. Would love to listen to true crime and watch the Twilight Zone with her. She deserves better.

THIS MOTHERFUCKER

HOW THE FUCK DID NO ONE NOTICE IT WASNT PHOENIX THE BITCH IS LITERALLY BRIGHT FUCKING RED

He also rides a teeny fuckin scooter thats like neon pink and blue which is so goddamn funny to me especially considering the fact that that tiny ass scooter caused a massive crash which he walked away from unscathed but the DRIVER was sent to the EMERGENCY ROOM and had A MILLION DOLLARS worth of surgery done.

This man can fight god and win the only reason he didn’t get away with the murder is because bitch straight up went “haha Phoenix Wright you dumb bitch thats not the poison bottle I used get your facts straight” and Godot has a fucking ANEURISM because all of these witnesses are SO FUCKING STUPID

Godot was the real victim here holy shit this fucking case was the most bat shit insane stuff how the FUCK did no one talk more about this PLEASE

TL;DR Give Recipe For Turnabout more love. It’s the most unhinged shit on the planet.

[inspector-montoya-fox]

hi happy new year, how are you? to start off 2022 i’m gonna rank my top 10 favourite guards from the Sly trilogy. let’s take a look:

10. Card-dealing Dalmatian: honestly made the list mainly because of the outfit - it’s a look - but overall just a funny lil boi, a jokester

9. Basset Hound Pirate: this guy wants to take a nap but he can’t because LeFwee will probably cut his dick off idk. he’s not groundbreaking by any means, but i love the vest and the eye-patch as well as the fact that he has his own little mini cannon

8. Japanese Culture Aficionado Walrus: ok this guy... when Sir Frogger told his guards to wear overalls, this guy didn’t listen. fuck overalls he said. he prolly watches hentai and reads Naruto, and owns a scooter like Furio Tigre. god knows his income isn’t enough to buy a proper motorcycle, so he chose to settle. also, he feels really uncomfortable around his squid coworker

7. Janitor Rat: so imagine it’s late in Paris and you’re stuck cleaning the disgusting club floor, trying to get muddy footprints and gum out of the carpet (great choice Dimitri) while all your friends are out clubbing, and this cane-wielding dude in blue who doesn’t wear pants comes in and trashes the place. i mean, i’d be mad too tf ?? honestly, props to the janitor rat for standing up. you go, janitor rat.

6. Wolves: a silly lil guy, a cutie. why would you want to pick a fight with him? for shame.

5. Gays: listen. if it wasn’t for Tony de Killer B, these guys wouldn’t have made it on the list. but he paved the way, he put in the work. the outfit... mama mia ! 100% absolutely, he’s ready to vogue, he’s ready to death drop, it’s very John Galliano. the mask? it’s giving camp. skipped leg day for the past 8 years? that too. what’s there not to love exactly?

4. Y2K Monke Gurl: is she good at her job? no, she’s actually abysmal at it. but did she slay with her fit? i think she deserves a raise, Mr Panda. from the bandana to the blush, the braid, the gloves, the flame detailing on the sides, the sandal. GIVE US EVERYTHING, we stan. we have no choice but to stan. also, very good at finding excellent hiding spots, i’ll give her that too

3. Bomb Cock: i love these guys honestly. they’re just here to have a good time even though it might be their last. they’re doing the most and it’s ok, no judgement. very much Looney Tunes rejects with their comically huge bombs. they want to protect the hens in the coop but they’re way too destructive for that, it’s hilarious. if they were a lyric, they’d be When other bitches tryna get with my dude and when other chickens tryna get in my coop from Streets by Doja Cat

2. Moose Dude: ok hear me out on this one. very controversial choice but i couldn’t place them lower, i’m sorry. they’re lovable idiots/ jocks. they wear jock straps because they’re comfy, they probably smell like sweaty balls, they drink beer all the time. it’s the type of oblivious, dumbfounded straighty you see in gay porn. they’re pea-brained, they wanna play RC battles all day because they never finished high school despite being the best at PE. the poor things had no other option but to become guards. absolute goons. the way Murray just waltzed into their man-cave with a moose head on and they didn’t even bat an eye is so charming, these dudes drive me nuts. i’m a furry

Honorable Mention: Carmelita: she’s not a guard, but her patrolling the hubs always puts a smile on my face. what an absolute legend, what a ki. the mega threat herself, not letting anyone out of her sight, no matter the weather condition, the hub architecture, the surroundings. nothing.

1. Doberman Flashlight Guards: this is elite tier guard, no questions asked. these guys understood the assignment. they don’t care that their coworkers are wearing jailbird attire or that some of them even come to work nude; they’re gonna wear that fucking tuxedo and rock it. the way they walk is so funny, the way they run too, and if they catch you they’ll just waste an entire round of bullets because they’ll howl and shoot at the sky. that’s a good doggy !! they’ve been working hard and they’ve been cashing Muggshot’s cheques, because they’ve always got that cigar in their mouths. i love them, 10/10

[onlineproblems]

for the fandom thing.. SPN of course.. and hmm any show of your choosing

Okay I'm gonna do Sopranos (I've seen s1-2 now) and Bates Motel since I'm watching it now. I only watched season 1 of SPN so even though I've seen all the memes and shit I don't think I know enough to say anything about the characters except Dean and Sam and maaaaaybe Cas hahaha

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most): Sopranos: Carmela my love!!!!

Bates Motel: Norma my love!!!!

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

Sopranos: AJ is a cute kid and really funny lol but tbh I don't know if that counts for what people say by "scrunkly". I don't know what else to put here. Bates Motel: Dylan in s1 when he doesn't know wtf he's doing lmao

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

Sopranos: idk who's underrated in the show since I do Not interact with "Sopranos fandom" but maybe Adriana? Bates Motel: Bradley Martin. i have a feeling she probably got demonized for being a teen girl lmfao

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

Sopranos: I'm gonna go with Furio here. Bates Motel: I almost forgot about Zane's sister, the Weed Boss lady, but she was awesome

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

I literally don't know what these terms really mean but I'm gonna say Dr. Jennifer Melfi. sure why not. And Norma counts again for this because she is problematic controversial and pathetic lol.

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

Sopranos: Livia Soprano lollll. Bates Motel: Norman Bates probably

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

Sopranos: Tony Soprano lmaoooo. Bates Motel: literally everyone deserves to go to superhell except Norma, Dylan, Emma I guess, and maaaybe Romero but he's on thin fucking ice.

SPN answers: I'm always drawn to Sam as a favorite character, idk why. Maybe because I'm an oldest sibling so I think about my little brothers and how much I love them. I literally know jack shit about the other characters so we'll make Sam the Blorbo, Dean the poor little meow meow, Cas is the scrunkly, and we'll send their dad to superhell. Bobby can be my scrimblo bimblo. (he's the adoptive dad, right?) lolllll

[fortunefavorsthebrave-dude]

finally got wifi back so i can type out longass posts on my computer thank god. anyway latest revice got me head full many thoughts (and no not ALL of them are about george thank you. some of them are tho.) like i love how they’re starting to play up vice as more of a younger sibling and i hope that keeps up and leads to some stronger characterization and a more defined relationship between him and ikki. i love eboy demon daiji i think it’s insanely funny. i love that george realized he was fucked up a whole episode ago bc he’s insanely smart and perceptive and i hope to god he uses that for chaos as we get farther along in the show. i love this concept they’ve started of having one of the bathhouse regulars helping them gather information and i hope that extends to more of them like i want that whole little community helping the riders as a big extended family. i love that the theme song screams NO ONE CAN EVER KNOW and ikki was just like oh ya anyway here’s my demon buddy let’s not talk about the way he is please and thank you. i love the fact that ikki can use vice in non-combat situations like when he was helping him find info in the attorney’s office i like that they’re keeping that potential in mind. oh and i LOVE that furio is just hanging out at karate with ikki’s sister and his stupid fucking bowl cut that made me gasp with delight it’s so good. i’m just really really into revice so far and i hope it only gets better.

[zalrb]

Favourite characters and dynamics from the Sopranos? Also who do you think got the saddest/worst ending?

My favourite dynamic was definitely Carmela and Tony, oh the painful --- and sometimes wonderful, but mostly painful domesticity of it all

was just beautifully done and beautifully acted. Their fight scenes are fantastic.

I also did like Carmela’s dynamic with Furio, I wish we had more scenes with them but the fact that we had so little was also the point

You know, I have to say, I thought the little/brief understanding/attraction between Adriana and Tony was done really well, when it got to that point I was like huh, they should’ve been in more scenes together, not necessarily romantically but there’s a compelling chemistry there

I actually thought Tony and Gloria’s relationship left a lot to be desired considering how much its eventual corrosive nature was meant to impact Tony, I didn’t get enough of their falling apart or of it really being a tumultuous relationship for it to be considered ‘amor fou’, it’s like this scene

before he nearly he kills her and that was kind of it and I wanted a bit more of an escalation. 

I also loved Ginny and Johnny Sack! The one faithful man on the show and they did a good job in showing that he actually loved his wife

I know Adriana is considered to be the saddest death/the most gruesome death but maybe it’s because when The Sopranos was on the air, Adriana’s death and the plot surrounding it was my entry point into the series and when I’ve watched reruns on TV, it’s for some reason always season 5 and always Christopher and Adriana heavy episodes, and then I’ve rewatched most of the show from time to time and have watched the Adriana/Christopher clips on youtube and as an adult looking at their relationship and realizing how fundamentally toxic and unhealthy and abusive it was, and I mean her death IS sad, it’s especially sad when Christopher is choking her and she just ... lets him until he stops, but I don’t find her fate as sad as most people do or at least I don’t anymore. Like Drea spoke about the death of innocence on the show with her murder and I can understand that perspective

especially since she was a supporting-main character but the death that always fucks me up and that I always think is incredibly sad is actually a minor character, it’s Tracee who Ralphie beats to death outside of the Bing,

before I really started watching The Sopranos with the season 5 entry point, I remember seeing that death on TV and being fucked up about it and it still fucks me up, I have to forward it whenever I watch the show.

In terms of supporting-main characters, I mean I do feel sad for Vito because he was murdered literally for being gay

and it’s sad that he actually made a life for himself in New England where he didn’t have to hide who he was but ultimately left it for The Life, which I always found interesting considering that a big part of The Sopranos is how the mob is increasingly losing its place in a modern world.

There was also a kind of innocence to Bobby

so when he was killed, by that point it was like, I mean it’s the final season, shit’s going to go down but it was still like aw man, Bobby?? Especially since out of everyone Paulie is like the last guy standing (and Tony depending on how you look at the ending) which is like, LOL PAULIE?

I never cared for Junior but the show did a good job in making you kind of feel bad for him as an ailing man losing his memory/memory lost

In terms of favourite characters, I don’t really have one but I respect the ones I hate the most, like I hate Janice, I cannot stand Janice, she is Livia incarnate and doesn’t even know it, but her manipulation is kind of brilliant

Ralphie is fucking awful, I don’t think I’ve ever been more satisfied with a death on the show than with Ralphie but David Chase specifically went to Joe Pantoliano because he wanted someone charismatic and funny but also, like, you know, evil and Pantoliano did that very well and I respect it

[ultraericthered]

I rank characters from the original Ace Attorney trilogy.

Favorite Babies I Love And Cherish With My Whole Heart: Phoenix Wright, Maya Fey, Miles Edgeworth, and Franziska von Karma. All four are precious to me and make me feel things most.

Angel Babies Who Are The Best: Dick Gumshoe, Pearl Fey, Mia Fey, Adrian Andrews, and Ema Skye. They’re all precious to me too.

Deserved Better: Could only be Gregory Edgeworth and Misty Fey.

I Really Like Them: The Judge (the old man’s so dependable for both comedy and accurate verdicts), Larry Butz (kind of a skeevy guy but he gives us so many great, mostly hilarious moments), Maggey Byrde (I wish her all the good luck in the world even if she never receives it), April May (I found her playing dumb contrasted with her violent thug-like temper to be hilarious), Will Powers (who couldn’t like this big teddy bear of a man?), Penny Nichols (her trading card obsession really endears her to me), Wendy Oldbag (like April May, she’s just plain hilarious), Lotta Hart (especially in the anime where she clearly does have a lotta heart), Jake Marshall (totally Extra cowboy officer with an awesome theme music), Regina Berry (poor, poor Regina Berry), Max Galactica (I have mainly the anime to thank for my liking of him), Iris Hawthorne (she doesn’t deserve to be so forgotten), and Viola Cadaverini (creepy, but also sweet and cute.)

I’m Indifferent *Shrug*: Winston Payne, Marvin Grossberg, the Bellboy, Cody Hackins, Mike Meekins, Lana Skye, Angel Starr, Moe the Clown, Benjamin Woodman w/ Trilo Quist, Ron DeLite, Desiree DeLIte, Lisa Basil, Bikini, and the Other Judge. Don’t particularly like or dislike any of them (or in the case of Moe the Clown, I would’ve disliked him were it not for his better portrayed anime incarnation).

Dead Before We Knew Them: All those murder victims.

I Really Dislike You: Frank Sahwit (total one-dimensional villain), Redd White (pretentious and self-absorbed scumbag who committed an unforgivable murder), Sal Manella (I could punch him in the face), Dee Vasquez (nasty woman!), Yanni Yogi (physical embodiment of “cool motive, still murder.”), Mimi Mini (can’t really feel for her either when she’s so unlikable and grating), Morgan Fey (horrible person, horrible parent, and not even an impressive villain on top of it all), Acro (when your murderous instinct come so ridiculously easy to you, I ain’t sympathizing with you like the game wants me to), Furio Tigre (fuck him), Victor Kudo (fuck him too), Chef Armstrong (fuck hi-seriously, what’s with this case and having so many unlikable characters on the witness stand), and Terry Fawles (no amount of mental handicap and committing senseless suicide in a courtroom is going to make me feel sympathetic towards a disgusting pedophile.)

Evil But I Still Like You: Manfred von Karma, Damon Gant, Richard Wellington, Shelly de Killer, Dahlia Hawthorne, Luke Atmey, and Diego Armando/Godot. All of them terrible people, but I love them as characters quite a lot. (In Richard and Luke’s cases, it’s just because they’re so damn funny while not being too particularly despicable).

Trash Characters That I Hate: Matt Engarde. Yes, literally JUST him. He makes for a great villain but....seriously, FUCK that asshole.

[machinegunnerdave]

The Godot is a Time-Traveler Theory ft. my little bros

Yo this is a shitpost but still a spoilery shitpost. Minor spoilers for Ace Attorney Trials and Tribulations

So my brothers and I are playing through T&T for the first time. I have like the basic gist of what’s gonna happen because I just don’t really pay attention to spoiler warnings? But anyway, they have a theory that Godot is a time traveler based on this evidence:

-His hair and mask: I mean, they look pretty futuristic, don’t they?

-”First case”: Godot says it’s his first case, but he’s a decent prosecutor. Therefore, Godot is actually time traveling to the past, so it would be his “first case”, when it actually isn’t.

-Edgeworth: Edgey apparently calls this guy the best prosecutor. But wait! Edgeworth is gone somewhere. So how is that possible? Well, since Edgeworth becomes Chief Prosecutor in future games, maybe Edgeworth calls Godot the best prosecutor then. (When I pointed this out, along with the fact that there’s a case called Turnabout Time Traveler in one of the later game, the bros went into hyper theory mode)

So why would Godot be a Time Traveler? Why go back in time at all?

-To stop Phoenix from winning his cases

-To fuck with Phoenix

-To conceal his own true identity

With all that being said, whomst the fuck is Godot?

-Larry: In 3-2, Godot accepts the evidence that Larry gave Phoenix without even questioning it. He doesn’t even ask who Larry is or requests that Larry be brought in for testimony. Kinda strange, unless he already knew Larry. Or he is him! Not to mention, he’s even got a motive! Phoenix hates Larry in the third game for pretty much no reason, so obviously Larry went back in time to screw him over under the name “Godot”.

-”Phony Phoenix” (Furio Tigre): As a master of disguise, the Phony Phoenix in the third case could be time traveling to misdirect everybody. Not to mention, Godot and Tigre are the same height, so this is even more likely. To top it all off, perhaps Godot really is a prosecutor, but Tigre kidnapped him and took his place with a sick disguise. And to top it all off: Godot loves coffee. Where did Tigre commit the murder? In Tres Bien, a restaurant that sells coffee.

Gant- Because it’s funny.

Oh, did I forget to mention that my little brothers only call Godot “Godaddy”? 

[reddie-to-go]

I'll Kiss All of Your Wounds Away

So this is another piece written by @princesschelliebelle I’ll start posting my stuff again soon. But in the meantime, I really like the way she writes. there is a trigger warning on this for an attempt at suicide, it’s a little dark but good, keep reading if you’re okay with that.

Richie padded down the stairs only to be smacked in the face with the sour, putrid smell of vomit.

"Fucking great", he mumbled to himself. He walked quicker, hoping to avoid the inevitable.

Richie opened a cabinet and started to rummage around, hoping to find something, anything, to eat that was easy to grab quickly, so he could dart back up the stairs and lock himself away in his room again.

No such luck.

Leaning against the kitchen door frame, half-lidded, and partially covered in her own vomit, was his sad excuse for a mother, Maggie Tozier.

She scowled and gestured at him with the beer bottle in her hand.

"What the fuck are you doing in the cabinets, Richard? I swear, you're going to eat us out of house and home."

Richie gritted his teeth, and tried not to bait her. He knew where it would lead.

Seventeen years of the same crap had taught him that. But he was hungry and tired, and his patience threshold wasn't particularly high at the moment.

"That's so damn hilarious considering I haven't eaten in 2 days, since someone spent the grocery money on booze", Richie spat out, without turning to face her.

Richie could feel the anger radiating off her in the seconds before she spoke.

"What did you say to me, you little shit?"  

Richie slammed the cabinet shut, and decided to resort to what he knew best to try to defuse the situation. Sarcasm.

"Nothing, Maggie. I'm just making yet another sly attempt at stealing your best tupperware. Damn, foiled again." He turned on his heel, hoping to make a quick exit.

Just then, Richie heard a loud crack and the sound of glass shattering.

If you blinked, you might have missed it.

Richie pulled his hands to his head, trying to make sense of the searing pain on his scalp.

He ended up on the floor, his back to the kitchen wall.

Suddenly, as he put his hands in front of his face, it processed. Shards of glass.

His mother had chucked the beer bottle at him, and she had more than met her mark

"You selfish, ungrateful little child. You think you're so funny, and you're so smart. Well, you wouldn't have fucking anything if it wasn't for us!", she yelled at him venomously. She seemed entirely unconcerned it the trickle of blood now running down from his hairline to his neck.

His head throbbed, and he looked up at her. Richie could feel his heart pounding, the adrenaline making him quick to speak.

"What do you mean 'us'?! As if you spend your money on anything but alcohol! Shit, we both know that your husband pays for nearly everything!"

She chuckled low and shook her head at him.

"You fucking waste of space. You think you're special, Richard? You're the abortion that should have been! But noooo, your father wanted a family so bad. We had hoped at least we would have a daughter. HA! You were true to character from the start....a God damn disappointment."

Richie wanted to tune her out, he really did.

He really wanted to believe in the old adage "Sticks and Stones". But right now, he felt like melting into the linoleum tile and dissolving away into oblivion.

The drunk grabbed a new bottle of beer and popped the top off on the counter.

She took a long swig and began again as Richie stood to his feet.

"Hmm, it's ironic really. Now even your father regrets you. Why do you think He's away on business 21 days of every month?" She stumbled over to the doorway again, glanced at the glass mess on the floor, and scoffed.

Then she shuffled away to leave Richie alone at last.

Richie ran up the stairs so fast and shut the door so hard that the walls shook.

Richie wasn't about to give that bitch the satisfaction of seeing him cry.

He began to sob so hard that he started to dry heave.

Snot ran down his face and intermingled with the mostly dried blood trail from the slice on his scalp. He haphazardly wiped at his face with his jacket sleeve and buried his face into his pillow to scream.

Richie didn't know how long he stayed in his room with his muffled screams and cries filling the space. Richie swore that time moved at a different pace depending on your mood.

And from years of unwitting practice, Richie decidedly thought time moved at a snail's pace when you were shoulder deep in self-loathing. But according to the clock on his nightstand, it had only been just shy of an hour since he ran up here.

When his tears ceased, he stood up and moved as if he was on autopilot. His face felt stiff, sticky and hot, and his eyes felt swollen.

He walked downstairs and found his mother passed out on the sofa, in front of the television. He stared at her motionless form in disdain. If looks could kill, they say.

He walked to the dining room, seeking out the familiar oak liquor cabinet.

He crouched down, and carefully picked his poison. He picked up a half-full bottle of some type of rum and walked up to his room once more.

"Like mother, like son", he whispered to himself bitterly.

He just wanted to be numb.

Tonight, was the first time he had sunken to her level, so to speak. Richie was not one to 'drown his sorrows' with alcohol.

No, the drunken, sadistic psycho role was already taken in this family.

But tonight, he had reached his tipping point.

He removed the ornate glass top, and started taking sips straight from the bottle, shuttering as it burned its way down his throat.

Richie found himself lost in thought as his whole body warmed with each swallow of rum.

Richie first realized he was depressed at roughly age 14.

He had seen those anti-depressant commercials, talking about how one becomes "lethargic, disinterested, persistently feeling sad and empty".

But "trashmouth" Tozier wasn't one to just lie down and take it.

He tried his best to be happy.

He would try to stay out of the house as often as possible and spend time with the fellow losers as much as he could.

He would crack perverted jokes, clown around, tease and poke fun, but at the end of every day, one thing remained.

He had to go home to that hell hole and feel the weight of the father who doesn't know him and doesn't care.

He had to go home and feel the burn of a mother who despises him.

And then be left alone with his thoughts.

And sometimes, Richie thought his own mind was worst of all.

His home life aside, he also was forced to face two things consistently.

First being that he felt replaceable, and disposable at best.

The losers club, that glorious lucky 7, in his opinion, didn't need Richie to be as perfect as it was.

His friends loved him, he knew that. And god, the feeling was mutual. But even still, the nagging thought remained.

You see, everyone has a role.

There's Beverly, the courage of the group.

Then there is Bill, the unofficial leader.

Then there is Stan who is the reasoning, and Mike is the kindness.

Then comes Ben who is the knowledge.

And of course, there is Eddie Kaspbrak, the nurturer of the pack.

But what was Richie?

The court jester?

A placeholder?

A 'waste of space'?

And he wished his thoughts ended there, but that would be too simple.

Oh, how Richie longed for things to be simple.

When you're life is one big convoluted shit show, the last thing you need are romantic feelings.

Especially not unrequited feelings for your male best friend, without one fucking soul knowing.

There were so many reasons why Richie was so in love with Eddie, but the biggest was Eddie's gigantic heart.

And worse yet, was the realization that Eddie didn't deserve to be stuck with someone as worthless as Richie.

But Richie knew he would never be so lucky to have him feel the same way in the first place.

He couldn't decide which thought hurt worse.

Richie sat on his bed, headphones blasting in his ears.

His vision was fuzzy around the edges, and his head felt like it was stuffed with cotton.

He rested it back on his headboard and picked at the frayed hole in his jeans.

Why didn't he feel better?

Why wasn't his mind blank?

Richie tried to stand up, and ended up landing hard on his knees.

"Shit....I can't fucking walk right, but I can't shut my mind the fuck up?", Richie mumbled angrily.

He slowly pushed himself up, and shuffled to his desk.

He slid open the drawer and pulled out his pocket knife.

He flipped open the blade and observed how it glinted in the dim bedroom light.

Richie smiled sadly as he ran his finger along the cold, smooth length of the blade and thought to himself, 'Maybe I can just shut my mind up forever some other way.'

Richie’s mind was made up.

He couldn't take one more day, one more hour, one more minute of hating the skin he was in, and everything inside of that shell.

Suddenly, he had the urge to call Eddie.

He grabbed the house phone off the cradle, and went back to his room and locked the door.

He sat on his bed and dialled the number he knew by heart.

Eddies groggy voice came on the line after 3 rings.

Richie sighed into the phone at the familiar voice, before he slurred out "Hello, Eddie Spaghetti. I'm sorry its so late, I woke you up." Eddie didn't skip a beat before saying, "Rich, don't fucking call me that. And are you drunk, dude?" Richie lets out a hiccup as if on cue, and leaned his flushed cheek onto the receiver.

"Maybe. But that doesn't matter. All that matters is I got to talk to you one last time. Because you're most important to me. Did you know that, Eds? God, I hope you know that. Just promise me you'll never change, Eddie."

Eddie broke out into a cold sweat, panic making his heart jolt into overdrive, and he began to yell into the phone, "Richie, what you do you mean 'last time'? What's wrong? Are you OK? RICHIE?!".

Eddies stomach dropped when he heard the deafening silence, a click, and then a dial tone.

Eddie had never pedalled his bike so hard in his life.

He muscles were screaming at him, burning as he furiously pumped his legs to go faster, faster, faster.

He needed to get there in time.

Eddie didn't know what happened, but he wasn't going to wait until it was too late to find out.

He made it there in half the normal amount of time as usual, and ran through the front door without stopping.

He thudded upstairs, panting from exertion and anxiety.

He went to turn the knob on Richie’s door, but it wouldn't budge.

Eddie felt like there was a timer ticking down ominously overhead, and it nauseated him.

He thought quickly.

He ran to the master bedroom and whipped open one of Mr. Toziers drawers.

Eddie knew he was a dentist, and was praying there was some dental tools somewhere, anywhere.

"Yes!", he yelled out loud, grabbing some sharp, surgical steel tools.

He grabbed a handful and darted to his door.

As luck should have it, the first one Eddie shoved in the keyhole popped the lock open, and Eddie tumbled inside, gasping for breath.

Eddie went cold with what he saw.

Richie was on the bed, slumped sideways, whimpering softly, while blood ran out of a cut on his left wrist.

Blood slowly dripped to the carpeting below.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no....Richie! What did you do, Rich? Oh my god, what the fuck did you do?" Eddie cried, as he desperately pressed the blanket to the wound.

Eddie didn't expect Richie to answer, but Richie groaned and swivelled his head towards Eddie, and opened his eyes, trying to focus.

"Eds....Hi. You aren't supposed to be here...You can't be here. Stop...please leave.", Richie said, starting to cry.

Eddie moved the blanket to look at the cut.

It was fairly long and moderately deep.

However, thankfully, Richie didn't seem to know that when suicide was the desired option, cutting lengthwise is deadlier than cutting across.

Richie could have stitches.

Eddie thanked his lucky stars, and started to yell "What were you thinking? Why would you do this, Richie? Why? We love you, I love you!

Why?"  Richie scrunched his face up, and looked away.

He just cried and cried, and Eddie leaned forward and leaned onto his chest, listening to his heartbeat. A steady, rhythmic reminder of what Eddie almost lost.

After Richie had managed to catch his breath, he spoke softly "I'm sorry...but.. I'm just a mistake, Eds. I have no purpose...I have no reason to stay. I have no one who loves me. And not just the losers...I mean the real kind. Like, capital "L" love. And the fact is, no one ever will. And I’m tired of being reminded why every day..." he trailed off, his gaze fixed to the wall.

Eddie never thought he would say what he was about to say out loud, but he also never thought that he'd be here with Richie, after his suicide attempt.

After that, nothing seemed as scary to him anymore.

Eddie gingerly grabbed Richie’s hand before beginning, "Rich, this is not the way I ever wanted to do this. In fact, I never thought I would be doing it in general. But if manning up and confessing my feelings to you is what it takes to make you want to stay around today, tomorrow, and the next day...well, I will say it until I'm blue in the face" He paused, and took a deep breath.

Richie turned and looked at him, and furrowed his brow in confusion.

"I love you, Richie. I love you. And fuck, I need you. And yes, in that "capital L" way. Tonight made me realize, I should of said things like this when I had the chance. You are MY purpose.", Eddie admitted I’m a rush, his cheeks blazing while he gripped the bed like a vice.

For a moment, Richie just stared, eyes wide and glossy.

Richie spoke so softly then that Eddie had to strain to hear him.

"Fuck, Eddie. I love you too...and I want to believe that...I really do...But after what happened tonight, I feel like you might say anything to give me 'proof' that this life is worth living".

Eddie bit his lip, and thought.

Proof?

Fine, Eddie would give him proof.

"Do you remember that summer when we were 13, after all that shit went down...the blood pact we made? You know more than anybody I can't stand any kind of germs or bodily fluids. But in that moment, it didn't matter. So I bit the bullet, and I cut my palm and mingled blood with you guys. Because we had something so important to promise and to prove." Richie looked up and nodded.

He looked like he had aged a year all in one night.

Eddie began again, "Well, I will prove what I said to you just now is true, just like 4 years ago." Eddie reached out and picked up Richie’s arm so gently, as if Richie would shatter at any moment.

He looked at the cut, which had stopped bleeding some time ago, but was still fresh and unscabbed.

Slowly, Eddie bent down and pressed his lips to the cut, making a point to linger.

Eddie pushed the raging neurotic thoughts aside, as he wiped the small spot of blood from his lip.

Richie stared, mouth hanging open in shock, but Eddie saw what he was hoping for in his eyes. Trust.

Richie didn't know if it was possible to fit any more adoration for this boy inside of him.

How lucky was he for the chance to love him this much?

Richie hugged Eddie to him hard, knocking the breath out of him.

"I believe you....I believe you.", he whispered into Eddie's ear.

Eddie pulled back and rested his forehead against his. Richie studied the face before him that he knew better than his own.

Too many emotions were trying to crowd into his heart at one time. But above the guilt, shame, and surprise, one shined brighter than the rest. Love. And it was so pure, brilliant, and blinding. It cleared away so much of the dark fog.

Richie found himself thinking that now he knew exactly why he had made it through the torment of that summer 4 years ago. And why tonight had ended the way it did. The 'nurturer' of the lucky 7, nurtured his heart in the special way no one else ever could, or would.

Eddie smiled at Richie, and slowly leaned in and pressed his lips to his. It was chaste, soft, and warm. It spoke volumes to both boys without saying a word.

"I'll kiss all of your wounds away, if you let me, Rich. I promise."

And for the first time in the longest time, Richie allowed himself to believe that.