#i love florida storms but losing power sucks

[dante-winning-archive]

I feel like the only I'd be Even Remotely okay with Sparda coming back is like if some evil alchemist or something brought him back through necromancy, possibly as part of some Take Over the World (or Hell) scheme. Like, he died before Eva and the twins were attacked by Mundus' forces, and then after DMC5, some necromancer fucker built him a new demon body and shoved whatever was left of his soul (probably harvested from the Underworld) into it to try and use him as a meat puppet, but that uh. Did Not Go Well for them, and Sparda broke free.

Sparda doesn't just waltz back into his sons' lives, either: he knows he's got a lot of apologizing and making up to do, even if he didn't leave them on purpose. He'd be devastated to find out what happened to Eva and to his sons after his death, but also so happy that they're both alive. Apologizing wouldn't be enough to make up for everything that happened, and neither would letting them punch him in the face, but he'd try it anyway.

Having a grandson would be a pleasant surprise, at least until Sparda found out the poor boy had been raised in a cult that worshipped Sparda as a god, in which case Sparda was just like, "Ah. Another descendant that I'm obligated to let hit me. Alright, Nero, go ahead. Don't hold back. I'm so sorry."

As for how Sparda died originally:

I've got a personal theory that he died for the same reason we see V's body breaking down after Vergil uses the Yamato to split himself in 5- when Sparda separated the Human and Demon Realms, he also split his soul. It just took longer for his body to "degrade"/break down because he's all demon, whereas Vergil is half human. Sparda further splitting his soul into the Sparda, Rebellion, Yamato, and the Perfect Amulet, and then the amulet halves, also didn't help things.

As for why he didn't just re-absorb them and live for another idk, 2000 years:

My best guess is that it wouldn't of been enough to save him because his body was just too far gone by that point, like how you can only stretch something so many times before the elastic just wears out too much and the whole thing just snaps and falls apart. And, if we go with this theory, maybe he thought leaving his sons the swords/powers that he did was more important, since if he was going to die anyway, the least he could do would be to TRY and take care of his sons. I think he just wandered off to die, too, somewhere where any "vultures" that were drawn to his corpse (or whatever was left of him) wouldn't be anywhere near Eva and his sons. This means Eva and his sons might not of had any remains to bury/ashes to scatter, but he did TRY to keep them safe for as long as he could.

As for why a necromancer alchemist brought him back NOW, instead of earlier in the timeline:

-Doyalist explanation is because otherwise the plot would be different and I don't wanna think about that rn, but anyway.

-Arius and Agnus were able to create fully artificial demons*, and before them, the only other person (as far as we know) that could do that was Mundus himself. Which is horrifying, since it means that alchemy (or at least alchemy focused on creating and controlling demons and demonic energy) has officially reached the level where normal human beings can play God with the souls and lives of men and demons. Hence the whole Sparda/necromancy clusterfuck.

[*= Human shaped demons in Aruis' case, and ones that had a certain amount of free will and sentience, like Lucia and the Secretary demons, although Lucia was considered "defective", presumably because she had too much humanity/free will. Agnus had a specialty in constructs powered by demonic energy and piloted by a person or persons' soul(s), and turning humans into demons via his Ascension Ceremony.]

Anyway, mainly, I'm just fine with Sparda being dead, tho I would like more info on his. Some archive of his past or something, y'know? Some flashbacks from the twins, or Matier. More info on Eva would be nice too, tbh, given we know even less about her than Sparda.

Sorry I took so long to get to this!

This scenario kind of falls into "came back wrong", which I'd be okay with. Maybe the necromancer was successful, until they pit Sparda against his own sons. Somehow Sparda is fine and it's one hell of an awkward reunion.

I like your theory about how Sparda died, how he was essentially weakened from all the soul splitting. Wouldn't it be something if Vergil had inadvertently followed in his father's footsteps?

I'm not sure I vibe with Sparda just going off to die. It seems more fitting to me that it was an honest attempt to defeat Mundus' forces and he died in the attempt. It's more tragic to think he always meant to come back, always wanted to come back. And I like that sort of tragedy, I guess. When you try your best and you don't succeeeeeeeeeeed....

I'm gonna wrap this up here bc it's raining and losing power for a second is a definite possibility and I'd be real pissed if I had to write everything again lol

[godsofmonster]

Florida Kilos ≽ Finale

Reader x Bangtan- Drug Cartel

Word Count- 7.7k

Warnings- drugs, guns, blood, prostitution, violence, abuse, sexual content, betrayal, character deaths, ect.

≽ Links to previous chapters can be found on my masterlist in my bio because Tumblr sucks now! You can also click on the ‘Florida Kilos’ tag!

That is where this story ends...

Yoongi’s hands were locked on my waist, his fingerprints marking my body, all his strength focused on keeping me as close to him as humanly possible. His lips trailed a sloppy line down my jaw, breath heavy on my skin, my eyes could only shut savoring the feeling- a feeling I would forever dream of. There was no pair of lips that I could kiss without tasting him. There couldn't be a day that passed by me without thinking of him. After everything, he still managed to remain deep in my veins, keeping the absolute authority over my better judgment. He could be on the other side of the world and still be in control of me, simply because I loved him.

 I tilted my head to the side and allowed him to lose himself in the storm of passion. My eyes fluttering open and slowly located my handbag on the nightstand.

I was visibly melting at his touch and so much strength within me was required to dominate my feelings and desires. Shivers formed on my skin as his tongue ran over the tender areas of my neck and shoulder. I reached down to caress his head of hair as my right hand carefully reached in search within the bag.

Yoongi had his raspy voice praise and mutter sweet nothings against my heating skin. His hands were reaching to undress me as I managed to grab a hold of the revolver from the side of my purse. 

I glanced down at him, to find that his eyes were not visible to me as I brought the gun down the edge of the bed. I took in a breath, one step at a time, I said to myself. The metal was cold against my blood-rushing body, my palms growing damp, as I went to cock the hammer.

My skin froze as the click disturbed the silence in the room.

Yoongi suddenly grabbed both of my arms and forced me off the bed. My back hit the floor instantly, falling with Yoongi directly on top of me, with his large hands pinning me down. I screamed as his hand pressed down on my still healing bullet wound under the bandages.

“What the hell- do you think you’re doing (Y/n)?!”

He shouted down at me with his eyes black and hollow as they stared at me with rage. All lust had left his body, a mood change supported by the grams of cocaine that replenished him. My arms fought against his restraints, the cocked gun being held tightly, but he had the upper hand.

“You think you can fucking kill me?!”

I thought fast, bringing my legs up and locking them over his shoulders in order to push him off. He fell back and landed with a grunt, his legs were still entwined with mine as I sat up. I brought my hand over to my wrist, trying to get an aim on his leg before he recovered. He was fast, though. He ducked and lunged forward grabbing onto my wrist again and steering my aim away from his body.

His single hand was strong enough to grip my entire hands, he used his other one to hold the gun from its barrel. We began to stand to our feet, fighting for the gun, my heart racing as it was slipping through my fingers.

Yoongi managed to tear it from my palms with a loud grunt before stepping back breathing heavily. He tossed the gun behind him, I flinched as I thought it would surely go off. When it didn't I quickly stepped back, Yoongi's body tensed with anger, his chest rising and falling, in the image of an angry bull. He followed my step and in the same breath, he raised his hand and struck me down.

I almost fell over from the impact. My face flushed and burning in my hand. My head dropped as I tasted blood, the ache spreading over my skin and inside my head. My vision failed me for seconds, within them, Yoongi stepped toward me once again. His hands wrapping around my neck, my feet stumbling, while he forced me against the glass door beside us.

“You fucking bitch. You’ve finally lost your goddamn mind!” He growled through clenched teeth.

My mouth hung open as he cut off the circulation of oxygen from my body. I desperately attempted to take air in but to no avail. His hands were clutching harder with each passing second, the drugs fueling his anger, as my only reaction was to fight harder as my voice strained. I couldn't even properly gasp while my body entered a state of complete panic, in which I could not think nor react. 

Yoongi’s arms tensed with such strength, I couldn’t break his hold, he was much stronger than I was. His eyes were vicious and burning holes over my face, where his gaze reside practically condemning me to hell. That portrait brought pure terror to my consciousness. 

My body began to fall weak against my own will. I was dangerously lightheaded and black spots dotted my hazy vision. I made useless attempts against him, claw at his skin with my fingernails. I left, long, deep scratches along his cheek and neck. They were deep enough to draw light drops of blood but they still fell in vain.

My body grew severely numb and my head built with pressure. Yoongi showed no intentions of loosening his grip and I was sure that he would not.

This would have been my final moments, the final image before my eyes shifted into a never-ending blackness. I always imagined death would be like being lost in the night. Yoongi had always been my darkness and my light and perhaps this was the way I was meant to remember him- with his hands wrapped around my neck so tight with nothing but love.

Maybe it was strange- but I thought that dying by the hands of someone you loved- wasn’t such a bad way to go.

A gunshot went off. Yoongi’s face of rage was broken by a pain that caused his hands to release my throat. I gasped for air as he gasped in a scream, his body falling against the edge of the bed. I practically coughed my lungs until they worked again. Though my vision was blurred, my eyes darting over by the door just barely making out a slim figure- a body that could only belong to Park Jimin.

“Fuck! Fuck!” Yoongi screamed.

I continued coughing, my eyes scanning over the bullet wound that had punctured through Yoongi’s kneecap. Jimin lowered his gun, picking up my own weapon off the floor before walking over in my direction. His lips moved but his voice was taking a second to become clear in my ears. I shook my head lightly, only then was I able to make them out, his voice was saying,

“Are you okay?”

Yoongi was cursing at us in the background but I was still trying to understand Jimin's unexpected appearance. It could have easily seemed like a blessing but I knew better than to trust in someone other than myself. Jimin took a second and was distracted by Yoongi’s aggressive barking, at that moment I reach for my gun and pried it out of his hand. Even with the strength slowly coming back to me, I didn't hesitate to point it at him.

“Calm down, (Y/n)-”

“What are you doing here?” I asked with a raspy voice.

“I could ask you the same thing- this wasn’t what Taehyung and you agreed on.” He said showing me his hands, trying to avoid giving me a reason to shoot him. I felt like a dog that was cornered. My heart was still pounding against my chest, death was leaving my body. After a thousand times I've tempted death, a thousand times I've managed to escape, I was still terrified. “Then again… I didn’t think it was like you to agree so easily.”

“What the hell is he talking about, (Y/n)?!” Yoongi shouted, his teeth ground against each other as spit formed in the corners of his mouth.

“Just shut up!” I yelled louder than him. I didn’t take my eyes away from Jimin. He wasn’t threatening but I still felt threatened. I was in this alone and I couldn’t trust anyone anymore. “You made a mistake coming here Jimin. I’ll give you a chance to leave alive but you have to go- now.”

“What are you planning on doing?” He asked and I pulled the trigger, purposely shooting just beside his head. The bullet blowing a hole through the bedroom door.

“I said now! If you want to leave with your head attached.” I didn’t want to hurt him. There would be enough bloodshed before the end of the night. Jimin, however, remained unfazed by my threat.

“You can’t run away from Taehyung,” Jimin could read me like a fucking book. Only now I realized how much that angered me. He knew that there was no way I would ever surrender my life to a man I did not love. I would never trade the love of my life- for a man who only lusted over my life. “Not alone at least.”

His words caught me by surprise but even so, could I believe in him? In my mind, Jimin would always be loyal to Taehyung. There was nothing that could make me believe otherwise.

“You wouldn’t help me,” I said keeping my aim still.

“Give me the chance to prove it to you.” Then, without meaning too, I thought back to the night before, as he was undressing me, what Jimin had said,

“There has always been something about you that’s made me question my loyalty. I... don't trust myself around you.”

Maybe it was foolish of me. Maybe I was so desperate and gave up my logic for wishful thinking.  His sand-colored hair was pushed backward and he licked his full lips as he did when he was anxious. And when I looked into his eyes, I could find nothing in them, that made me question him- for now at least.

“You want to help?” He slowly nodded his head, doing the same, while bringing his hands down to his side. I figured he could at least help me buy some time, “Get Hoseok- tell him to get everything out of the safe and wait for me outside.”

“What should I tell him?” He asked as I lowered my aim.

I sighed, my eyes glancing at Yoongi whose blood was leaking all over the side of the bed. His chest was rising and falling as he held his limp leg. It was a remaining image of the torture between him and I.

“Tell him…that I will do everything in my power to keep him safe.”

Jimin nodded his head, following my gaze and looking over to Yoongi. I imagined that in his own head he said his good riddance to Yoongi. Giving his condolence to the dead man sitting before him.

“You don’t have to do this.” He reminded me, but he didn't know that I did have to.

“I’m the only one who has this right,” I said as Yoongi’s hate-filled eyes locked on me. I looked back to Jimin, indicating it was time for him to leave, I wanted to be alone. “Go.”

I watched Jimin leave the room and just as he went through the set of double doors- he turned to give me one last glance. I could only describe it, as the type of look a friend gives to you before you make a great mistake.

I understood his look- his worry- this wasn’t a choice you could take back, try again, or ever forget. Maybe I didn’t truly understand the consequences but I would soon be faced with them. I was always the one who surrendered to his love, the one who suffered without a reason, and the one who managed to preach without any blessings. Yet here he was, with his life in my hands, and only I could decide his fate. I would never be the same and I was okay with that- because this was the life that we had chosen, therefore this is how we would have to die.

And so, Jimin shut the doors behind him, leaving us to have our final conversation.

“So, it seems that you’ve made your arrangements,” Yoongi scoffed, his hands still resting on his disjointed kneecap. He knew me better than anyone, and so, he knew that once my mind was set- there was nothing in the world that could change it.

I sighed quietly, resting myself against the glass door he had me pin against earlier, my eyes not looking away from him for a single moment. I studied his form- his skin, his breathing. Every cut, every scar, that made him who he was. His cold black eyes that once warmed me like the very sun itself. “Am I going to die not knowing why?”

I used to think of Yoongi as my own intimate sun. He was my source of light and warmth, he kept me alive. You see, I had always been like the moon. I was cold and dull, and without him, I surely would die. But somewhere along our way, the roles switched, Yoongi was now cold and bitter- while I grew and outshined him completely. Our love had turned into one that could cut deeper than a blade. Still, I remained with my head in the clouds, up in the sky, chasing after a dream that seemed so real.

“Knowing isn’t going to make things any easier, maybe, it’s best if you don’t know,” I advised him. Sometimes being clueless was the best option, it saved you from driving yourself mad with questions of how it could have been different- even when it couldn’t have.

“I’m sure you’ve justified yourself with some heroic reason,” He mocked, hissing and shutting his eyes as he shifted upward on the bed. “Am I the bad guy, (Y/n)? Is that what you are telling yourself?”

I smirked to myself softly, it was a smirk that held a lot of painful memories. There were parts of Yoongi that have never changed. I shook my head softly in his direction.

“This isn’t a movie, Yoongi. This is real life and we are all the bad guys here.” He let out a laugh that held anger. I watched the skin of his cheeks ball against his eyes, making them appear smaller, as the taunting sound left his mouth.  

“You won’t make it without me, baby.” He shook his head, using his bloodstained hands to push away the strands of his hair. The cranberry substance painted the yellow hair on his head with abstract versions of his fingerprints. “Whether you want to accept it or not, we're connected- forever.”

“Of course," I smiled. His eyes flashed a shine of light that came from the amusement of my words. "That’s why only death could keep us apart.”

If there was one thing Yoongi and I could agree on- it was those very words. I knew that, even after everything that happened, Yoongi wouldn’t leave me- just like how I wouldn’t leave him. 

That may have been the true reason behind my decision because I didn't want to have to choose between him or me, after all, we were supposed to be one. But our love was caught between a crossfire and I needed to get away from him.

Except, I knew couldn’t live my life knowing he was out there somewhere- without me. Maybe it was wrong, obsessive, or even sick of me, to think that way but I knew the feeling was mutual.  

“So is this how you are choosing to leave things between us? No questions? No middle ground? Not even a final kiss?” He asked surprised, even though all of those things were going through my mind, I don’t know if I dared.

“What do we have to gain from speaking the words of your betrayal into this moment of peace?” Perhaps it was my own way of dealing with things. After all of the laws we've broken, the lives that were sacrificed, I just wished to have a little bit of control over this moment. I wanted the perfect moment.

“I’m bleeding out, (Y/n). I could feel the lack of blood ice over my body- there is nothing peaceful about this moment.” He insisted on getting everything out of me.

We could only exchange glances as I thought to myself. I was never known for holding my tongue, there was no real reason to start now. Yoongi knew who I was, knew what I was capable of, hurting his feelings shouldn't be on my list of things to worry about. With his deep stare, his naked chest, there was no other way out.

“I thought that you were a fool, Min Yoongi,” I began, standing apart from leaning against the door, as my emotions took control of my better judgment. “I pitied you more than anything; every time you drowned yourself in a kilo of cocaine, every time you lashed out in jealousy and rage, every single time you bonded with Taehyung- not knowing that he prayed for your downfall more than anything in this world.”

Yoongi frowned, not savoring the aggression in which I spoke them, and not understanding what I meant with my last set of words.

“That’s right.” I nodded my head at him, taking a step closer in his direction. “Taehyung has always wanted me but you were always in his way. After you disobeyed my orders in New York, getting Jungkook killed and letting the DEA get a track of his records, they linked our organization back to Florida. You bet your sorry ass- that was plenty of reason for the Kim Brothers to want you dead. Do you know what was the only thing that could have kept you alive? Me!”

I spat my words closely at him, his face contouring in a deep anger and disbelief, “But you had already sold me out to the Kim Brothers, the second you got home, which left me helpless in Taehyung’s hands. He asked me to marry him, in exchange for Hoseok's life and mine but- he was an idiot to actually think I would agree to such an offer.”

That look in Yoongi’s eyes was exactly what I was trying to keep him from. The anger, the humiliation, of the events that took place around us. The worst part of it all, those feelings would only morph into regret, in vain of not being able to change what has already happened. The exact feelings that I had been hauling around all alone.

“But the real shame, the real fool in all of this, is me...” I felt tears brim the corners of my eyes as I grew overwhelmed and my voice cracked, “Because I would have forgiven you for everything Yoongi- everything! For talking down to me- for laying your hands on me- for fucking that whore and any others- even for getting Jungkook killed!!”

I was practically yanking my own hair as I ran my hands through them. The fact the very words left my mouth was enough to disgust me. To think that I loved him so unconditionally, that I was going against my very morals and logic, boiled a self-loathing heat inside of me. This is why I had to draw the line, even knowing, that it would be drawn in his blood. “But you betrayed me, Yoongi! You were reckless with our lives! You didn’t care if I or Hoseok got killed! And If I couldn’t leave you for my own sake then- I have to do it for him! I couldn’t live with myself if Hoseok died, just like Jungkook, all because I was so weak...for you.”

Yoongi’s faced had softened while I released my demons and shame. It wasn’t because his emotions had simmered down- it was because he was dying from blood loss.

My eyes stared angrily at him, tears making a mess of my sight, as I was heartbroken to see him in such a state.

I turned to the nightstand where my bag remained. I set the gun beside it as my hands rummaged through the junk, getting a hold of my carton of cigarettes and my lighter. I sniffled, tossing the box back into the bag after getting a hold of a single one. I walked back in his direction, holding the cigarette close to his mouth for him to take, and he did slowly. I snapped the cheap lighter with my thumb a few times, also bringing the flame to the sticks end, allowing him to absorb it in his cheeks and breathe in the nicotine.

I stepped back against the glass. My head fell back against the frame as I tried to clean away the stains my tears left. Yoongi was holding out each drag he took, deeply relishing, what was his last cigarette. I continued to watch him, admiring the structure of his face, even if it was all dead and sunken in- he was still gorgeous.

He finally took the cigarette out of his mouth, holding it between his index and middle finger, that were drenched in his blood, as he licked his lips to utter a few words.

“I think the real shame is... that you’ve forgotten how much I love you.” I felt a shiver run down my spine. He blinked at me and wore no particular emotion on his face while letting the smoke come out through his mouth as he continued to speak. “It is true- that at some point, I began to resent you but that never changed the fact that I was crazy about you. Even through all of the addiction, rage, jealousy, and mistakes- I’ve never stopped loving you.”

“You can’t be surprised about how I feel- if all you’ve done is be ungrateful to my poor heart,” I said as his words brought more tears from my eyes. Why did it have to be now when he started to act like his old self. Why was death the only time that his pretty black eyes shined a path to warm my heart?

“Maybe I am the bad guy then but I know that I was not the cause of our downfall,” Yoongi said with ease, taking in another hit, as I turned my head at him. “You know where the true mistake remains- the real reason that everything went to shit.”

Goosebumps erupted across every inch of my skin as soon as I realized what he spoke of. I bit down on my lip, nodding my head indicating that I agreed with him.

“We should have just died that night.”

But we didn’t. We cheated death and thought ourselves lucky. When in reality, we just doomed ourselves to suffer double for what we had done. Death treats all alike, whether rich or poor, in love or alone, she- was just.

“You’re right.” I stepped back toward the nightstand, reaching for the gun that had remained loaded, I looked back to Yoongi who was just finishing up his cigarette.

We could have died together- happy and in love- with not a single regret to weep over. It would have been a tragic story between two lovers who fought together, until the very end. 

However, it ended up like this, a tale of a toxic relationship, that only ate off each other's souls, and turned them both into people they despised. 

If I knew, that day, what tomorrow would bring- I would have never spoken out in the first place.

But it was too late for that- Yoongi would die here, alone and in vain, by the hands of who loved him the most. While I, would have to spend the rest of my life carrying the weight and absence of him everywhere I went.

“Now this is the price we have to pay.”

I said and kept the gun at my leg as I walked up to him, he sucked the last bit of tobacco that the cigarette bud had to offer, as I leaned over him. He only kept himself up on the single arm he rested on, he tossed the bud somewhere across the room, before he met me halfway and captured my lips.

It was our final kiss, and with it, we settled any sins.

Once we broke apart, partly breathless and speechless, I looked into his eyes once again. There was a fire burning in them. Looking at him now, resembled the feeling I had, the first time I ever laid eyes on Min Yoongi. We both just knew.   

I stepped back away from him. Once again, I cocked the hammer of the gun by pulling it down with my thumb, the same click sound almost echoed in the silence of the room. Yoongi smirked at me.

“Remember your stance, doll.” He said with a slight chuckle as I readjusted the position of my legs and firmly gripped over my hand. I allowed myself a deep breath as I took aim, Yoongi’s head lining up with the barrel of my revolver.

“You see that Hobi? (Y/n) is better than you already.” I glanced behind me to Hoseok who was sitting on a nearby log. He wore a presently surprised look, with his mouth hanging open and his eyes wide. I snickered and stepped back to point the gun at Yoongi. He raised his hands up and smiled, a sight that I didn’t see very often, “That’s my girl.”

“I’ll be waiting for you.”

And then, I pulled the trigger,

Bang!

I gasped. The gun fell from my hands just moments after. My eyes watched as if in slow motion, Yoongi dropped back against the bed sheets. The adrenaline sent shocks throughout my body- cries formed from my lips in the rhythm of waves. It was as if I lost all sense of breathing, the wind knocked out of me, and I blinked tears out of my watering eyes as I stood there frozen. A murderous voice shrieked at me, in my head, proclaiming that I was now nothing but a black widow.

As I automatically stepped toward the bed, catching the slightest glimpse of Yoongi, his eyes were like a sunset in its final moments. As his soul left his body with the final breath that split his lips, I felt my world break in half. Blood poured out of his third eye, the warm liquid pooling rivers in the sockets of his eyes. It resembled him crying red tears and those tears became rivers. The world seemed so different when he wasn't by my side, now he was beyond my reach.

The scene looked like something I would have only seen in my worst of nightmares. His blood seeped into the sheets of our bed, where he had made love to me countless of times.

I could have laid there beside his body, screamed, and damned God for always allowing me to end up this way. My lost faith left me with a wound, even after I put my all, it still was not enough and nothing would comfort me without him.

The thing about taking someone's life is that it did something to your soul, it fed it the most rotten of fruits that tainted any good that was held within. Though, killing the love of your life- that was the lack of your very soul.

He was the man of my dreams, who kept me living in a fantasy, believing that all we needed was love to be perfect. I foolishly tried to plant a flower that would never bloom, in a dream that could never come true. He had become a part of my essence, to the moon and back, is where he would stay. Just as I imagined- his departure left me feeling so empty and cold inside, that I almost felt nothing at all. With his spirit leaving his body- finally opening my eyes- waking up from a lucid dream.

And even after everything Yoongi had taught me over the years, the one thing he never showed me, was how to live my life without him.

-

I stepped through the front door of what was once my home. And inside of it, remained the memories of those who no longer suffered the curse that Death had marked me with. Once closing the door behind me it was never for me to open again.

I spotted Hoseok and Jimin standing over his car, exchanging words of aggression to each other before they noticed me. Hoseok pushed Jimin’s hand off his shoulder as he had been trying to keep him from coming inside. Hoseok met me at the bottom of the shallow stairs, where I could see the worry and fear shaking his body in complete anxiety.

“Are you okay, (Y/n)? What happened?” I stared at him blankly. The more Hoseok rambled the more he answered his own questions. “I heard gunshots- where’s Yoongi?”  

Maybe he saw it in my eyes, the little life that reflected in color of my vision, but I think he felt it in the pit of his being. I wasn’t the only one Yoongi had left an impact on. Hoseok and Yoongi were like brothers, the only family he had ever needed- Hoseok knew very well. It showed the moment his eyes shifted from my eyes to the upstairs window of the third floor.

“No…” He shook his head, wanting to convince himself otherwise. He ran his hands through his hair while his eyes glossed in pain, “(Y/n)- what did you do?!”

I watched how his breathing fell into a deep, inhuman, kind of rhythm. He broke down into a sob that brought him down to hug his knees. The details of his hurt were concealed by the blackness of the night. His raven hair and the tears that streamed down from his face where the only things that reflected the light from the moon above us.

Jimin approached us as if he wished to lend a consoling hand, except I stopped him with a gesture. He halted in his tracks and kept his distance from us. I stepped down to meet Hobi’s level on the ground. I squatted beside him, my hands reaching to up to his slim face, that tainted with tears.

“If we don’t leave now- we’re going to be killed- do you understand what I’m saying to you, Hoseok?” I used the back of my fingers to clean up the tears from his mug. He hesitated, studying my face, seeking to understand why- what had let me to such actions. Even though the answer was complex out of his judgment, there was still a part of him that knew I hadn’t let him down yet and so, he still had faith in me.

He nodded his head, as I kept my hands on him while we rose back to our feet. Unexpectedly, I pulled him into my arms, resting his head on my shoulder. Without being able to utter the words to him, I apologized, over and over again in silence. Before pulling away and smiling up at him, 

“I can’t lose you too.”

“Where will we go?” He asked me as I took him by the hand, leading him to his own car that was parked behind us.

“We have to leave the country- it’s the only way to remain out of the Kim Brothers reach-” We stopped in our tracks when we were faced with Jimin once again. “We’ll take your boat to Havana.”

I said leaving Hoseok standing behind me, walking toward the car, where the duffle bag sat beside the back wheel. I placed the bag on top of the trunk, zipping it open to reveal what was packed away. I pulled out our passports, flipping open each one and setting aside Yoongi’s and Jungkook’s, in search for just ours. Hoseok quietly walked over to me, his eyes locking with Jimin, as an obvious pout rested on his lips.  

“What about him?” He whispered quietly to me, even though, I was sure Jimin could hear him. “Do you trust him?”

I pulled out one of the two caliber 45s, checking the full ammunition, and handing it to Hoseok along with his passport. I looked up at Jimin who was watching us from a scanty distance.

“I don’t know yet,” I answered honestly, not bothering to keep it a secret, as I tucked away the second 45 in the belt of my jumpsuit.

“Do you really think that 80 miles is enough distance between Taehyung and you?” Jimin asked approaching us. I knew that Jimin was making a valid point, 80 miles was not enough, but it was the only shot we had. We couldn’t leave the state from the borders, the Kim Brothers had connections that would stop us from getting anywhere near state lines. Staying in their territory wasn’t a smart move over all and crossing enemy lines into the Mexican cartel territory also wasn’t ideal. I continued to look in the bag, pushing aside and inspecting, a single ounce of pure cocaine and $50,000 in cash. “I can get us a plane ready while we make it to the runway.”

“We?” I asked, stopping my movements and looking at him from head to toe. I then heard Hoseok cock his gun beside me. He took a clear aim on Jimin, stepping around me and closer to him.

“That sounds like a plan too well thought out.” He said and I had to agree. Jimin rose his hands up defensively.

“My uncle is Taehyung's pilot,” He explained as I quickly shut everything back into the bag and swung it over my shoulder. “I honestly believed something like this might happen-”

“Get down on your knees!” Hoseok demanded and Jimin followed his orders. I could see Hobi’s hands shaking to keep steady. He was afraid and lacked the capability to trust anyone due to the situation at hand.

Still, I had to make a choice, our lives were on the line and we didn’t have much time. This wasn’t about good or bad luck- we couldn’t afford to take those chances. “What are your orders, (Y/n)?” 

Hoseok asked as he exchanged glances with Jimin and I. The choice was like having salt in one hand and sugar in the other; there was nothing within me that gave me a reason to doubt him nor believe him. 

“(Y/n)...I made the same promise to Jungkook, just like Hoseok.” My eyes locked with Jimin, even in the dark and with a gun pointed at him, he still managed to wear a poker face. “He asked us to take care of you- and I have no intention of breaking that promise.”

I glanced at Hoseok, who had seemed to believe in his words, his arms weren’t as tensed as he continued looking my way. Jungkook and Jimin held a true friendship in their short time together. Jungkook had trained under him for months- he wanted nothing more than to be stronger- always. The thing about strength is that it wasn’t proven by how high one could fly, it was about learning to take the fall and still being able to get back up. 

“We’ll see.” 

I said before tossing the duffle bag in the back seat of Hoseok’s Tesla. Hoseok lowering his gun and taking it upon himself to confiscate Jimin’s cell phone. I took the keys from Hobi’s offering hand and hopped into the driver’s seat. They went into the back seat, keeping an eye on each other, still not enough trust between them. Pulling the car into reverse, with a single U-turn, we heading down the long brick driveway.

“Be careful Jimin,” Hoseok warned softly, avoiding the words to fall to my ears, “(Y/n) can endure a lot of things, mistakes, and humiliations, but betraying her- she was capable of killing the love of her life.” 

Even though I hadn’t explained to Hoseok, what exactly had happened, he knew me better than I gave him credit for. I’ve always tried to make the right decision and did so with minimal regrets. I’ve taken risks and I’ve taken losses but that’s how it had to be- for us- who were good negotiators.

-

The rubber of the tires burned against the pavement as I made a harsh stop. We pulled up to the same private jet Jimin and I had landed from hours ago. I kept an eye on our surroundings, looking in the rearview mirrors, as Hoseok and Jimin got out of the car.

“Anyone of these employees here can contact Taehyung about an unauthorized takeoff.”

Jimin said grabbing a hold of the duffle bag. Hoseok helped me out of the car, as the doors to the jet opened up and revealed the stairs for us. I followed behind Jimin as Hoseok followed behind me.

“We have to hurry.”

The engine was roaring and the bright lights of the runway were our only hope. Just as Jimin made up the stairs to meet with his uncle, there was a loud bang aimed towards us. Hoseok and I dodged instantly, looking over my shoulder to see three black Hummers pulling up behind us. They had shot at our car, making its alarm go off, as I grabbed a hold of Hosoeks arm. I pushed him in front of me to get him in the protection of the bulletproof jet.

I drew the caliber from my waist, aiming to shoot that the wheels of the car as they were still in motion coming toward the plane. Jimin was doing the same, together, we managed to blow the two front tires of the closest vehicle. It halted harshly as the two behind it had to move around.

“Come on!” Jimin grabbed my arms, pulling me up the stairs, as I continued to shoot.

I almost slipped on my heels as I made it to the top, reloading my gun, as a yell came from outside.

“Jimin!” We both looked back to see Taehyung stepping out of one of the black Hummers. Taehyung was right, I was always two steps ahead of him.

His eyes were wide, as he looked up at us from a distance. He licked his lips and the breeze blew his yellow hair back. Men then poured out of the other cars, all of them hold AK 47s, lined up behind Taehyung. I cocked my own gun and had a clean shot on Taehyung's head as he held a stare with Jimin.

Without leaving his eyes, Jimin’s hand grabbed a hold of my wrist, pressuring me to put the gun down. I looked up at him confused but he still only looked at Taehyung,

“Get in your seat.”

He instructed me quietly. I was about to protest when Hoseok came up to me, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me away from the exposure of the open door. We both watched as a Jimin just stood there, there was no words between them, just the sound of the jet engine and wind. Then Jimin shook his head,

“I warned you- didn’t I, Taehyung?”

Jimin’s voice wasn’t cocky, nor was it upset, he was just bedding a farewell to a lifelong friend. Only then, did Jimin jump away from the door, hundreds of gunshots ricocheting off the metal and glass. He pressed the automatic button to close the door, yelling at into the cockpit to start taking off. We all got in our seats as the jet wasted no time in moving.

I sat by the window, getting a last glimpse of Taehyung and his men, he just stood there watching as the jet made its way down the runway. He could have stopped us but he didn’t.

-

Once we were in the air, no one had said anything since we took off. We were all emotionally and physically drained. There were big changes coming our way and we could only reflect on what had led us to this place.

Hoseok was sitting beside me, his head leaning against my shoulder, as he remained with his eyes shut. Our relationship had always been one of siblings, I saw in him, everything that I lost in Jungkook and Yoongi. Hoseok was the only family I had left.

I watched Jimin walked passed us, into the back of the jet where he pulled something from the bagging area. Hoseok raised his head at the loud thump of Jimin plopping a duffle bag in front of us.

“What’s this?” I asked and he said nothing, only gestured me to open it, and so I did.

I unzipped the bag, Hoseok peeking over my shoulder, as it announced to hold nothing but money. I immediately recognized it as being the second bag that Jimin had packed from New York. Hoseok’s mouth dropped and he sat up as well to get a better look.

“How much is in here?” He asked Jimin.

“Just about 5.3 million dollars.” He said with ease. Any doubt that I might have had about Jimin was completely out of my mind. He really did expect something like this to happen, so much so, he stored this money for us on the jet. He was a smart man, who seemed to only want the simple things in life. I don't know what his story was with Taehyung, what had pushed him to betray his best friend in that way. It was clear to me that the only reason we made it out alive was that Taehyung didn't want to have to kill Jimin. I thought back to those last words he had said to him, that held so much weight to them.

“What did you mean- when you told Taehyung, ‘I warned you’?” I said leaving the stack of hundreds back in the bag.

The question seemed to make him uncomfortable. He avoided eye contact with me as he took a seat behind him. The tension grew between us as I waited to hear an explanation. Finally, he let out a heavy sigh as he found the words he needed to speak,

“Do you remember, that day, Taehyung was in between choices,” Jimin spoke of the day that we were suppose to die, in Taehyung’s office, all by a mistake of Jungkook’s. The fact he brought the day up sent shivers down my spine. Jimin was about to make a confession that changed the way I saw things, “At that moment, I whispered something in Taehyung's ear. I told him- that you would betray him...”

And yet, Taehyung didn’t listen- now he would probably regret it for the rest of his life. It was only upon hearing that confession that I knew, truly, how smart Jimin was. He knew before even I knew myself. He knew before I became who I was in that moment. His word was now the value of gold to me.

Maybe things were meant to turn out this way? Maybe there were more things out there for the three of us? Or maybe, just maybe, we were a couple of people that continued to cheat death...

I stared off into the sky, that little by little, was becoming gray. The gray hour was always the time of day I imagined myself dying, it brought me back to the faintest memories of my childhood.

From the time that I was a little girl, I was raised in poverty and the cold streets. I was always the girl, who was humiliated and yet had to beg for forgiveness. My past was unjustified and my sentence seemed to be terminal. Until one day, after hearing the news that my only brother was gun down, I decided that my adulthood would be different.

As a result, I made my way down to Florida, where the environment was inviting and the money was tempting. Miami was a city built on cocaine money and so, I began to both make and deal cocaine, along the side of my first love, who was the man of my dreams. I was honest, happy, and tried my best to be good. I only put my life in the hands of those closest to me. We shared our dreams, our bodies, our business. I was in a drug cartel with responsibilities and a lot of talent. I took the advice I wanted to take and found myself making dangerous partnerships, million dollar deals, and a lot of money.

It was a matter of circumstance but at the end of it all, this is the life we had chosen and therefore, this is how we would die. The world we were born into was cruel and it cost us greatly to merely breathe its very air. I foolishly tried to plant a flower that would never bloom, in a dream that could never come true. And though I would never forget the hardships and poverty I left back up North. Nor could there ever be a beautiful melody that wouldn't resemble Min Yoongi to me. I finally understood the importance of pain. In life, there had to be struggles and hardships to overcome, and not many do, but those that could, were the leaders of their own destiny.

“(Y/n),”

Hoseok stirred at my side, I looked down to him, as Jimin also brought his attention to the sleepy male beside me.

“Where are we going?”

I found myself surprised by not knowing the answer. I was so caught up in my thoughts and past events, that I hadn’t even stopped to bother. I looked up, my eyes shifting to Jimin, who was already awaiting my gaze with an answer.

“I already picked our destination...I have contacts, people that can help, and Taehyung won’t dare to step foot there.” He explained, shifting in his seat and running his hands through his long dirty blond hair.

“And where is 'there'?” I asked, pulling the blanket down to my waist, sitting up, my interest peeked by our destination.

“Busan- my hometown.”

That is where this story ends and where a new one begins.

≽ Masterlist in bio for your convenience!

[austinpanda]

Litany of Complaint

I feel like complaining a bit! Pardons while I vent. 

It’s my anniversary today! Zachary Z. Giberson and I have been gay married for seven years. I’m not enjoying the day so far. Mostly this is because we spent yesterday watching ...well, watching our government cease to function because a guy wanted to sit in Pelosi’s chair and scratch his balls in order to save the country from the effects of an election his side lost. So yesterday sucked; Trump supporters stormed the capitol building and temporarily stopped certification of the electoral vote, and one Trump supporter got shot and killed, and three others died from other medical emergencies. Zach was, I think, shocked and horrified. My sister was shocked and horrified. I, for some reason, am not shocked and horrified. 

It bothers me that it doesn’t bother me more. But as I watched this bullshit unfold, it all simply seemed like the next logical step. This is what the president told them to do. With his mouth! Right before they did it! I knew it wouldn’t change the outcome of the election at all. I figured they’d break some stuff and steal some stuff and go home after curfew, which they mostly did. I hoped the Congress would then reconvene to finish certifying the electoral votes, and they did. I figured it was just a bunch of republicans making asses of themselves on television, which generally only serves to push things in the right direction, as far as being a democrat goes. Now some republicans who should have acknowledged the danger and sheer fookin’ evil in what this president says and does a long time ago, are finally doing so. It took until now, but it seems like the vice president and Mitch McConnell have publicly joined me in my belief that the outcome of the election was fair and legitimate. 

And nothing changes. They arrested a bunch of people; I’m curious how many will serve time. I wonder how many would have been shot if they’d been black. I wonder if they’d have made it into the building if they were black. The president has already said he loves them, the ones who stormed the capitol on his behalf. Cheeto hitler now seems about 10% more likely to vacate the White House on the 20th, like he’s supposed to, without barricading himself into the oval office with a pillow fort and daring the secret service to do something about it. The president got banninated from Twitter...for 12 whole hours. He temporarily lost a few friends and privileges that he was going to lose on January 20th anyway. We even took the senate, by winning both Georgia runoff races. Do I think it’ll result in anything that makes my life a little easier? ...I dunno, should I? Seems unwise to expect so.

I suppose I’m dealing with the fact that half the country probably looks at what happened yesterday and thinks, “Good. That’ll show ‘em. Keep fighting the good fight.” And I’m reminded of a recent meme going around, depicting our most recent presidential election. It was depicted as a choice between a free Krispy Kreme doughnut, and burning grandma’s house down, and the result was 50.1% voting for the free doughnut, and 49.1% voting to stick it to grandma. Well, thank goodness, the preferable side won, but JESUS, WHY WAS IT SO CLOSE?

Anyway, it’s over. The election is over. Biden and Harris step in on January 20th at noon. Trump will, I’m sure, be holding a rally somewhere in DC or Florida, or perhaps just be on his way somewhere on Air Force One for the last time. He’s supposed to be there, for the inauguration. It’s an important, necessary part of the transfer of power, but for those reasons alone, the chances he’ll do it are slim. He’d have to be seen wearing a mask. He wouldn’t be allowed to speak. He’d have to be seen on the same podium as the man who beat him. Who would even want him there?

So...my anniversary! Our anniversary celebration is going to be modest; we’re certainly not going anywhere, or buying each other gifts, or doing anything else that might conflict with the Code of Ennui we’re currently living under. Zach knows how to make a really tasty purple spaghetti dish by adding red wine to the pasta water, so he’s making that. 

Something about my anniversary always bothers me. We’ve never obtained a marriage certificate. We don’t have any proof of our marriage on paper. We never did the thing you do in your state to make it official. We have two very good reasons for this. The first reason we’ve never been officially married is because, when we got married, gay marriage was illegal in Texas. We had neither the funds nor the inclination to travel to a state where it’s legal, get married there, and carry the piece of paper back to Texas with us, where it would be worthless anyway. (Also, not for nothin’, but fuck that. I’m really going to drive to Massachusetts to get married, because that’s the only legal place in America? I applaud those who feel the process is important enough to make that kind of journey, but to me, it just further enforces the second class status.)

The second reason why we never got officially married is because, after being made to have an illegal wedding and marriage the first time, we don’t feel especially eager to get married AGAIN for the sake of those who denied us that fundamental right in the past. Neither of us finds it particularly logical to get married a second time, giving us a new anniversary of lesser duration--we go from being married 7 years to being married 0 years and counting--only to accommodate the requirements of the state that would still consider my marriage illegal, immoral, and ungodly if the Supreme Court hadn’t expressly forbidden it. 

So, yeah. Are Zach and I married? Well, only if you consider being married as that which constitutes a marriage. If you think registering it with your government, paying a fee, getting a certificate, AND being married all have to happen, then I guess I’m not married. 

Not sure why this is bothering me today, in particular. (Except, yes I do, it’s because it’s my anniversary!) But I’m going to try to shake off this feeling in favor of a more positive one. I take a little bit of reluctant comfort in knowing that, if I had to prove Zach and I were married, we could do so fairly easily, by virtue of the fact that we wear rings, we pay rent together, file our taxes jointly, and wake up in the same bed every day. We’ve been married for seven years; it wouldn’t be hard to show that. In other words, I don’t think our refusal to get official “Yes, You’re Married!” paperwork is ever going to interfere with our ability to present as a married couple. But I don’t know that for sure.

And with that, here’s the recipe for red wine spaghetti!

(That’s a joke. I’m making fun of those stupid online recipes that make you scroll through 20 screens of extracurriculur bullshit before you get to the recipe part.)

[backroomblogs]

Bruins Comeback, Beat Carolina 6-4 - Jimmer

What a wild game, you can simply never ever count out this Bruins team. After a very lackluster first 50 minutes of play, the Bruins stormed back and scored 5 times in the last 10 minutes, and secured one of the more impressive victories by any NHL team this season. 

Returning to the lineup after missing a game, Brad Marchand scored his 30th goal on a beautiful no look pass from David Pastrnak to give the Bruins a lead after the first period. From that point on it was pretty much all Carolina. They netted 3 second period goals, and added a 4th unanswered goal less than a minute into the third. 

Things looked very bleak for Boston until Matt Grzelcyk sniped a snap shot (his third goal of the year) over the glove side of Cam Ward at 9:56 of the third period. This got the ball rolling on the comeback effort from the B’s. Just 56 seconds later it was David Pastrnak’s turn. The winger took a feed from Brad Marchand and absolutely roofed it (25th of the season) glove side on Cam Ward from the right side dot. Now with 9 minutes remaining, the Bruins trailed by only one, with all of the momentum.They needed only 21 seconds. David Krejci gloved down the puck and raced down the ice for a 2 on 1, feeding Danton Heinen with a cross ice feed that he buried (13th goal of the season) to knot it up at 4. 3 goals in 1:17.

But the B’s weren’t done yet. After Carolina captain Justin Faulk sent the puck to another planet and took of the delay of game penalty, everyone knew the Bruins were about to strike. Just 36 secondsi nto the power play, David Pastrnak took a perfect feed from Grzelcyk, and rifled a one timer (2nd of the game, 26th of season) top shelf on Ward. 4 goals in just 6:26, incredible. Pastrnak went on to score an empty netter to complete the hat trick and ice the victory for Boston. There’s a ton to unpack with this game so let’s jump in.

The Good

- Obviously that comeback was absolutely incredible. Once Grzelcyk got the B’s going, there was no looking back. It was like they flipped the switch and realized they were in a hockey game that they should have been winning. Grzelcyk looked awesome in the last 1o minutes, as many did, but every time he had the puck I had confidence that he was going to make a play. This is the kind of stuff that great teams do. They never quit no matter the deficit, and all it takes is one turn in momentum for the game to take a complete 180 degree turn. The Bruins were sloppy all night, and yet when it came down to winning time they once again turned it up to 100 and put on a clinic. I love this team.

- Brad Marchand and David Backes both returned to the lineup. Backes didn’t play a massive role in tonight’s game, but having him there for depth and line balance was obviously valuable. Marchand came back after missing one game with an injury, and he looked just fine. Marchy scored a goal and assisted on 2 others, including the game winner. Marchand really has been incredible this season, and watching dominate every night is awesome for B’s fans.

- David Pastrnak have yourself a night. Not only did he provide a highlight real assist on the opening goal with a behind the back no look feed to Marchy, but then he decided to mess around and score a hat trick in less than 10 minutes. He finished it with an empty netter, but those first two goals were some of the best shots I’ve ever seen from Pasta, and that’s saying a lot. He stepped up big time in this one, and it appears as though he has really regained his goal scoring touch these last few games after a bit of a dry spell.

The Bad

- Penalties, penalties, and more penalties. The B’s took 5 penalties in this one, and allowed 2 PP goals to Carolina. This included the first 5 on 3 goal allowed by the B’s all year. It seems like the B’s have been taking a lot of penalties lately, but I wouldn’t look into it that much. Just can’t be taking 5 penalties a night under any circumstance.

- This was a sloppy game for 50 minutes. Sure the B’s pulled it out, as great teams do, but once again it was not a 60 minute effort. Specifically the second period, where the B’s were outscored 3-0. They spent 20 minutes chasing the puck and getting absolutely dominated by a Carolina team that is not nearly as talented as them. They also took a few penalties along the way. It was the single worst period I have seen from this team in a long time. Thankfully they were able to pull off the comeback, but I am still searching for a full hard nosed 60 minute effort from this team soon.

The Ugly

- There was a number of injuries in this one, and frankly it makes the comeback that much more impressive. The B’s were down two top defensemen, as Zdeno Chara (7-16-23) and Torey Krug (13-35-48) both exited with injuries. They were also without second line wing Jake DeBrusk (14-25-39)  who has looked great lately, and had a strong season overall. Losing these guys would usually mean a team trailing by a couple goals late would for sure accept defeat, but not this team. With Patrice Bergeron still out for a bit longer with his broken foot, and Charlie McAvoy still out with the sprained MCL, the Bruins can’t afford many more injuries. Per Bruce Cassidy, both Jake DeBrusk and Zdeno Chara will be out Thursday against Florida, as well as Saturday versus Tampa Bay. This news really sucks because the B’s will be without two huge players not only against FL, but against Tampa in massive game as they are battling for the top spot in the Atlantic Division with the The Lightning. Torey Krug is a game time decision for the Florida game, and both Paul Postma and Anton Bidh were recalled on an emergency basis to Boston. 

Overall, this was an amazing win for the Bruins. However, the injuries that came from it really really suck. Hopefully Krug will be good to go tonight, and Chara and DeBrusk will heal up quick. The Bruins will be on the road tonight in Florida against a Panthers team that has been playing good lately, so we should be in for another solid matchup.

[bitchy-peachy]

I saw your post about Irma~ :O (from Northern FL) I've been keeping up to date w/ news & crap about the hurricane. I'm such a chicken shit lol- It looks like it's supposed to be a category 3 by the time it hits around my area. How have things been for you? I pray you and your loved ones are safe during these distressing times. 😊

We're cool for now. Just lots of rain and winds in my area. What sucks is the uncertainty of the power coming back (we have a small electric plant that should last us about a week and I live in a city area which could mean we'll get it quicker than other areas). The whole situation still sucks ass tho. (My cellphone's internet is still working since it's signal isn't from the island itself)Cat 3 is still bad tho nowhere near as bad as Cat 5 so let's hope it loses more miles as it continues moving so y'all won't be hit. We got somewhat lucky over here cos it kept moving North so we're getting the edges of it to be a tropical storm type for us. I really hope you guys will be okay! (I have some friends that were in the Florida keys but they've evacuated. They were pretty freaked out and the stores are empty for them too)

[colorfultrichild-blog]

Ironman 70.3 Chattanooga Race Report May 21, 2017 Swim(1.2 miles shortened to .8 miles)- 17:14   Bike(56 miles)- 2:37:57   Run(13.1 miles)- 1:46:15 Total- 4:47:26     10th 25-29 Female

Chatty 70.3! My favorite Half Ironman! I love this course, I love this town, I love how close it is to Atlanta, and I especially love how so many Atlanta Tri Club peeps are there to race and cheer! Running through a tunnel of people wearing luau attire while cheering you on through the hardest part of the day is so rad! All the high fives and smiles for meeee! Alright, so let's get down to it:

Jason and I left for Chattanooga nice and early the morning before the race so we could meet up with my coach, Carrie, for the usual check in and pre race spin/run. So you guys may remember from my previous race reports that I've had some issues with my bike fit/ lower back problems. Well let me start by saying I'M A BIG DUMB DUMBASS…because I decided to try and wiggle my saddle down just a smidge, about a week before the race, in an attempt to ease some discomfort downstairs. Just a tiny bit! That's all! Well, naturally I ended up moving it way more than I intended. Then I couldn't tell if it was anywhere near where it had been before. Whoops! On our pre race spin I could tell things definitely weren't right, but at that point- the day before the race- I thought, f*ck it! Time to smile through it and just hope things don't fall apart!

That night we attended the annual ATC pre race dinner and had some pasta, laughs, and a beer just to calm the nerves. We headed back to the hotel (luckily coach hadn't cancelled her reservation when we offered for her to stay with us at our Air Bnb that ended up being a super weird situation that none of us wanted to stay in…) got all our things together and hit the hay just in time for the GNARLIEST storm to hit. I mean it was bananas out there. Raining like crazy, lightning, you name it. I suck at trying to sleep any earlier than midnight and I also hate storms sooooo let's just say I didn't get as much sleep as I had hoped. SMILE THROUGH IT! WOO!

One major difference between this race and Florida 70.3, which I blew up during in April, was that I was planning on giving it my all while smiling and having as much fun as I could. No pressure. No goals. Just fun. After weeks of post Florida bummed outness, I had a little "come to Jesus" with myself. I absolutely love triathlon. It's my happy place and I had totally lost sight of that. The pressure I put on myself had absolutely made me fall apart during Florida 70.3. Chattanooga was going to be my redemption. My return to racing for the love of it. Ok I had 1 goal: HAVE SOME DAMN FUN.

Shortly after Fla I decided to stop training with numbers and focus on feel. I still wore my Garmin and uploaded all the info for coach, but I didn't look at it while training. I would focus on how I felt and how happy I was while training…and my numbers IMPROVED. Since I had been training by feel, I was planning on racing by feel, but with little number checks here and there to make sure I wasn't over doing it. I was ready to race!

RACE DAY: Woke up earlier than any human should and choked down my peanut butter toast and crappy hotel coffee. Eating before race has gotten way easier for me. I used to only manage 1 or 2 bites, but now I can knock out 1 or 2 whole slices of pb toast with some Gatorade. Score! Finished breakfast, obsessively checked my gear about 600 times, paid the potty a visit (don't even play like pooping before a race isn't crucial..we're all humans here) and headed out!

Got to transition nice and early, set up our spots, and somehow managed to get our little crew together before hopping on the bus to the swim start. A few days before- myself, Coach, and a number of other wonderful gals all aiming for around 5 hours decided we would start together in the hopes we'd be able to cheer each other on out on the course. I LOVED THAT IDEA, of course. Racing with friends makes everything better! This was possible because Chatt 70.3 is a self seeded race with a point to point swim. This year they tried to divide the line into certain time estimates. We almost ended up in the 50 minute section before realizing we were waaaaaay further back than we wanted to be.We seeded ourselves kind of near the back of the "faster" section and got our wetsuits on.

Swim: The cannon went off as the male pro's started their day. We watched as they seemed to be taking their time getting to that first buoy upstream….uh oh…the storm the night before had made the current craaaazy strong. The lady pro's started next and it was the same situation where it seemed like it sure was taking them a long time to get to that first buoy…. The first age groupers are supposed to go in about 15 minutes after the male pro wave, but they hadn't started filing in. We were all anxiously waiting to see what the hold up was. After a bit more waiting, we heard the announcement that the upstream part of the swim had been cut. Instead of going up stream to turn right, go across stream for a bit, then make the right turn down stream- we would now hop in and make a diagonal dash across stream to the next closest buoy. We were told it was about .4 miles shorter than usual. I honestly wasn't even bummed. Even though the swim is my "strength", a shorter swim down a fast current sounded super fun! More energy for later!

I was walking down the dock with some of my best friends and favorite ladies around me, ecstatic to start my number 1 race. I turned and yelled "Love y'all! See ya at the end!" and hopped in the water! No time to mess around- shorter swim means harder pace so I got down to it. I love this swim because there are no waves and its cool swimming under the big bridges down stream. Nothing stands out about the swim this time. It wasn't crowded so I pretty much had open water the majority of the time and made my way down stream as fast as I could. I made it out of the water in 17:14 and sprinted towards the closest wetsuit stripper I could find. She yanked that bad boy right off. I ran up the ramp to see Jason cheering and taking photos and made my way past as many folks as I could while sprinting to my sweet lil Orbea- which thanks to the AWA section was in a way more convenient spot than last year!

Bike: So like I said…I'M A BIG DUMB DUMBASS…and hopping on the bike I could tell things weren't perfect, but I honestly didn't care! I was so happy to be at this race and to be racing with my heart.

Things were going as usual as I was taking in nutrition and hydrating on schedule for the first 25 miles or so. I was feeling pretty solid.  Then, like always…I started feeling my lower back getting angry. I was staying positive, though. I still felt good. Plus, it was overcast and not very hot! My back started getting angrier. STUPID BACK! I hit mile 30 and could tell I was losing power and had developed a pain shooting down my inner thigh into my knee. The pain wasn't as bad as it had been in the past, but I was also constantly having to shift my butt back on the saddle because of my genius adjustments. Things were uncomfortable, but I was still smiling. I was trucking along when some of my gals started speeding past! I don't mind if my friends pass me going at what seemed like the speed of light! Any and all smiles and cheers of encouragement help when the race pain starts setting in.

I settled in, put my head down, and just kept on going.  Despite my back pain, it was a crazy fast kind of day. I looked at my power average after the race and it was quite a bit lower than it should have been, but I ended up with an 8 minute PR! I mean I felt like I was trucking along like usual, but apparently I was zoomin' and so was everyone else! I'd heard the 2015 bike splits were way faster than 2016 for some reason. Well, apparently the stars had aligned, like in 2015, and it was a speedy day for all.

My run had improved a lot this season so I was looking forward to getting off that damn slip'n'slide of a saddle. I was ecstatic when I rolled into transition in the 2:30's! I had never even broken 2:45! I was chanting, "I'm getting off my bike! Yay! I'm getting of my bike! Yay!" in my head when I hopped off and sped through transition to snag my saucony's!!

Run: Yaaaay! Run time! I came off my bike ready to get my leggies movin'. Knocked out a speedy transition and was off! I've simplified my transition strategy this year so I was in and out. A number of ATC peeps were there to cheer us through transition and I just could not stop smiling. I made a point to try and actually smile as much as possible during the run. I had a guy come up to me after I finished and say, "did you know you smile while you run?" And I said, "I sure do! Gotta get through it somehow!"

I did a quick pace check within the first mile to make sure I wasn't hitting it too hard from the beginning and I was running a little hot. I decided to reel it in a bit, hoping I could hold a stronger steadier pace throughout instead of slowing down as the mileage increased. I got my tail up that big ass hill at about .8 miles and was welcomed by the ATC cheering crew and my amazing boyfriend. I LOVE THIS GROUP. I smiled even bigger and tried to high five as many people as I could without losing time. Things were good in my world and I was actually running some folks down. This is new to me, because my run had really kind of plateaued last season. So I was getting all kinds of pumped. I caught up to my lovely friend Deirdre and gave her a much expected smack on the tush before continuing on.

I came through the first aid station and got my usual swig of water, swig of gatorade, and some water over my head. It was still over cast-ish, but things were definitely heating up. Even though I wasn't feeling super hot, I wanted to avoid even coming close to overheating. I hit the next porta potty for my usual pee break and fell right back into stride. I mean, even though my back was a turd on the bike, this was pretty much my dream run. Oh, and I didn't forget my Base Salt in transition like I did last year…so that was a plus! No cramping for me!

So Chatt is a 2 loop course with a variety of surfaces and hill intensities. Mostly little rollers, but a couple of nasty climbs too. It's just challenging enough, I'm my opinion. I love the riverside wooden walkway. It's a nice change from pavement and it's just cool running by the river while totally shaded by big trees.

I was smiling, taking in nutrition and fluids right on schedule, so things were great! I caught my amazing friend, Meg, who literally destroys souls on the bike and she was looking strong as hell. We shared a quick little chit chat with lots of love. I love racing with my friends…have I said that enough times yet? Because it's dope.

I held my pace right around 8 minutes for both laps and came flying down that final hill to the finish with a BIG BIG grin. Crossing the finish like of a 70.3 feeling like I had conquered the world was such an awesome change from my last half. I was back. Honestly, I'm glad I raced Florida and had such a shitty day, because it was the wake up call I needed. I have raced so much harder and happier since then. When you have a crappy race-learn from it. Don't dwell on it and give up. Let it teach you something. It taught me that racing with your heart is so much more powerful than anything else in triathlon. Chattanooga 70.3 was my dream race and I have 0 complaints. I am beyond ecstatic with my time, my place in my age group, and my overall positive mentality throughout the race. SMILE Y'ALL! GET THROUGH THAT RACE BECAUSE YOU LOVE IT!

Cheers, friends! CJ

[newstfionline]

Tesla, Others Help Puerto Ricans Go Solar Amid Power Turmoil

Associated Press, July 26, 2018

ADJUNTAS, Puerto Rico--Ten months after Hurricane Maria, Adjuntas still loses power any time a heavy rain or wind pounds the rickety power lines feeding this town high in the central mountains of Puerto Rico.

That leaves its 20,000 people once again in the dark, without light, fresh water or air conditioning--except for a handful of homes and businesses glowing in the night thanks to solar energy.

The people of Adjuntas call those places “cucubanos,” an indigenous Puerto Rican firefly. They’re part of a small but growing movement to provide the U.S. territory with sustainable, renewable energy independent of the decrepit power grid.

A scattering of hardware stores, barbershops and corner stores across the island are embracing solar energy, trying to wean themselves off a state-owned power company that remains heavily dependent on imported petroleum. The numbers remain small--a few dozen or hundreds out of millions of power users--but power industry officials and environmentalists are closely watching this as a test of whether Puerto Rico can make a large-scale switch to renewable, off-grid energy.

Currently, renewables represent 4 percent of generation at Puerto Rico’s power company, against a U.S. national average of 15 percent, so it likely will be years before solar could account for a significant share of Puerto Rico power.

Even so, “Puerto Rico can be an experimental workshop for solar and wind,” Rep. Darren Soto, a Florida Democrat, said at a congressional hearing Wednesday.

While Adjuntas is dotted with solar-powered islands, a community of 12 homes in the mountain town of Las Piedras still lacks central power and is operating exclusively on solar energy provided by Tesla, the high-tech maker of electric cars and other power products. It installed 160 solar panels on a plot of land owned by resident Jose Santana.

Santana, an electronics technician, said he loves the smartphone app that lets him monitor the solar-charged Tesla batteries. He said the government should consider going solar and dumping the current “archaic” power grid.

“This can pull us out of the mess we’re in,” he said. “There’s nothing wrong with having a vision of the future. It’s time to start making changes.”

As in Las Piedras, some solar users are relying on corporations and nonprofit groups to donate the expensive equipment. Others have become so exasperated with continuing outages that they are taking it upon themselves to install their own systems.

“I’m a musician. I have a salsa orchestra. I know nothing about electricity,” said Felix Torres, who recently installed nine solar panels on the roof of his home, perched on a mountain in the eastern city of Caguas. “I was afraid of getting electrocuted and damaging equipment worth thousands of dollars. ... But we should not depend so much on the government. They already have their hands full.”

Torres recently joined nearly two dozen other people at a three-day workshop to learn about the costs and lifespans of solar systems, the equipment required and precautions they need to consider. The clip-clop of horses interrupted their chatter as the sun set on hills where electricity returned several months ago.

Many at the workshop pulled out their power bills along with pens and notebooks as they made comparisons and shared their frustrations. Among them was Jose Barreto, who set up a makeshift solar system at his house in the mountain town of Guavate.

“It hasn’t collapsed because God is merciful,” he said, grumbling that his wife insists on washing and ironing at night, sucking up precious battery life. “I tell her, look, this is a lifestyle that runs on daytime hours.”

A few hundred Puerto Ricans still haven’t recovered electricity service since Hurricane Maria hit Sept. 20, and millions suffer periodic outages. Crews are trying to fortify the unstable grid in the middle of this year’s hurricane season. When the remnants of Tropical Storm Beryl passed through in early July, up to 47,000 customers were left without lights, although most of the power was restored the same day.

In Las Piedras, Blanca Martinez, a retired school bus driver who is married to Santana, started to weep as she described the happiness of having a solar-powered home.

Wilfredo Perez said he can now open his barbershop 11 hours a day, six days a week thanks to the new system.

“Since it was installed, it hasn’t failed me,” he said, adding that he hasn’t had to switch over to the power company’s system. “The electricity in Puerto Rico doesn’t work.”

Federal officials are growing more worried about the turmoil at Puerto Rico’s Electric Power Authority, which has seen five directors since Hurricane Maria. A U.S. House committee held a hearing Wednesday on the company’s troubles.

None of this worries Arturo Massol, associate director of Casa Pueblo in Adjuntas.

“Let them do what they want over there,” he said. “We’re taking control of our energy destiny.”

[mikemortgage]

Tesla, others help Puerto Ricans go solar amid power turmoil

ADJUNTAS, Puerto Rico — Ten months after Hurricane Maria, Adjuntas still loses power any time a heavy rain or wind pounds the rickety power lines feeding this town high in the central mountains of Puerto Rico.

That leaves its 20,000 people once again in the dark, without light, fresh water or air conditioning — except for a handful of homes and businesses glowing in the night thanks to solar energy.

The people of Adjuntas call those places “cucubanos,” an indigenous Puerto Rican firefly. They’re part of a small but growing movement to provide the U.S. territory with sustainable, renewable energy independent of the decrepit power grid.

A scattering of hardware stores, barbershops and corner stores across the island are embracing solar energy, trying to wean themselves off a state-owned power company that remains heavily dependent on imported petroleum. The numbers remain small — a few dozen or hundreds out of millions of power users — but power industry officials and environmentalists are closely watching this as a test of whether Puerto Rico can make a large-scale switch to renewable, off-grid energy.

Currently, renewables represent 4 per cent of generation at Puerto Rico’s power company, against a U.S. national average of 15 per cent, so it likely will be years before solar could account for a significant share of Puerto Rico power.

Even so, “Puerto Rico can be an experimental workshop for solar and wind,” Rep. Darren Soto, a Florida Democrat, said at a congressional hearing Wednesday.

While Adjuntas is dotted with solar-powered islands, a community of 12 homes in the mountain town of Las Piedras still lacks central power and is operating exclusively on solar energy provided by Tesla, the high-tech maker of electric cars and other power products. It installed 160 solar panels on a plot of land owned by resident Jose Santana.

Santana, an electronics technician, said he loves the smartphone app that lets him monitor the solar-charged Tesla batteries. He said the government should consider going solar and dumping the current “archaic” power grid.

“This can pull us out of the mess we’re in,” he said. “There’s nothing wrong with having a vision of the future. It’s time to start making changes.”

As in Las Piedras, some solar users are relying on corporations and non-profit groups to donate the expensive equipment. Others have become so exasperated with continuing outages that they are taking it upon themselves to install their own systems.

“I’m a musician. I have a salsa orchestra. I know nothing about electricity,” said Felix Torres, who recently installed nine solar panels on the roof of his home, perched on a mountain in the eastern city of Caguas. “I was afraid of getting electrocuted and damaging equipment worth thousands of dollars. … But we should not depend so much on the government. They already have their hands full.”

Torres recently joined nearly two dozen other people at a three-day workshop to learn about the costs and lifespans of solar systems, the equipment required and precautions they need to consider. The clip-clop of horses interrupted their chatter as the sun set on hills where electricity returned several months ago.

Many at the workshop pulled out their power bills along with pens and notebooks as they made comparisons and shared their frustrations. Among them was Jose Barreto, who set up a makeshift solar system at his house in the mountain town of Guavate.

“It hasn’t collapsed because God is merciful,” he said, grumbling that his wife insists on washing and ironing at night, sucking up precious battery life. “I tell her, look, this is a lifestyle that runs on daytime hours.”

A few hundred Puerto Ricans still haven’t recovered electricity service since Hurricane Maria hit Sept. 20, and millions suffer periodic outages. Crews are trying to fortify the unstable grid in the middle of this year’s hurricane season. When the remnants of Tropical Storm Beryl passed through in early July, up to 47,000 customers were left without lights, although most of the power was restored the same day.

In Las Piedras, Blanca Martinez, a retired school bus driver who is married to Santana, started to weep as she described the happiness of having a solar-powered home.

“It’s sometimes hard to explain,” she said. “When you’re a person who is in need, who is suffering, this comes along and you have light without having to worry whether a wire fell.”

Another corporation, German-based sonnen, helped donate and install at least 15 solar microgrids across the island to help power laundromats, schools, community centres and medical clinics.

Adam Gentner, the company’s director of business development and Latin American expansion, said the aim is to create a resilient system that can operate regardless of weather conditions.

This week, Siemens published a report in which it envisions the construction of 10 mini-grids across Puerto Rico that would depend on renewable energy. Unlike microgrids, officials said, mini-grids are bigger and can use the current distribution infrastructure.

In Adjuntas, the non-profit environmental group Casa Pueblo has installed solar systems at two hardware stores, a barber shop and several small stores that activists hope will serve as power oases where people can charge their phones and store medications during a storm if needed. In upcoming months, some 30 homes also will be fitted with the system.

Wilfredo Perez said he can now open his barbershop 11 hours a day, six days a week thanks to the new system.

“Since it was installed, it hasn’t failed me,” he said, adding that he hasn’t had to switch over to the power company’s system. “The electricity in Puerto Rico doesn’t work.”

Federal officials are growing more worried about the turmoil at Puerto Rico’s Electric Power Authority, which has seen five directors since Hurricane Maria. A U.S. House committee held a hearing Wednesday on the company’s troubles.

Officials have stressed the need to depoliticize the company, create an independent regulator and resolve its $9 billion public debt as it prepares to privatize power generation and award concession for transmission and distribution.

None of this worries Arturo Massol, associate director of Casa Pueblo in Adjuntas.

“Let them do what they want over there,” he said. “We’re taking control of our energy destiny.”

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