#i love fae bullshit also i refuse to keep up with and do all the research but just -

[chuplayswithfire]

to preface: same way djenks doesn't care about pirates i dont care about accuracy either

BUT

months and months ago i got an ask that I'm still percolating on regarding what if stede was a fae. and my response to this concept was to think:

But what if ed was the one among the fae. what if blackbeard was a fae knight, taken in ages and ages ago, barely remembers his life in the mortal world, busy with the endless work of his position, collecting victims for the Hunt, gathering people for fae dances, chasing off the intruders and those who damage their sacred spaces, and it's all so fucking boring, he's been doing the same thing over and over and over, is this all there is? is this all there will ever be??? all he knows is be blackbeard, eat chip, and never die.

and then one day there's stede bonnet, who falls asleep in a fae circle on accident and stumbles into a whole new world - and then, manages to stumble himself right out. without falling into the usual traps. without making unwise deals. without eating something poisoned and getting himself stranded. he just gets out.

and of course he's swagless and clumsy and barely survives, but he does it. and he keeps doing it. fumbling his way into the world of the fae and fumbling himself back out, his ragtag team of adventurers and paid companions and they keep getting out of trouble and no one's doing it like stede.

ed didn't even know someone could do it like stede. he's fascinated. he has to meet him.

the next time stede tumbles his way where he isn't meant to be, there's ed, there's blackbeard, there's the greatest fae knight to ever live, an expert at spiriting people away, and he wants stede to come to a fae dance and then get away. he wants him to find a way out.

of course stede takes him up on it. of course they dance. of course stede tells him that the fae world is fascinating and different and interesting but he doesn't stay, because he's been locked in place before and he doesn't want to be trapped again. he ran away from his prison of a marriage and his tomb of a home to have adventure, not to make a new grave. there are good things about being human too, good things about being mortal, good things about their world, and he wants to see them all and doesn't ed want to see it all, isn't that why he's been THEE blackbeard for so long and ed

ed hasn't thought about it that way. ed hasn't seen that light. ed's been do fucking bored and here's this interesting guy, this so interesting guy offering him a new way to see things. and for the first time in years ed is thinking about the fact that he might have remained in the fae world all this time, been trickier than any changeling, more crafty than any trickster, but he isn't actually a fae.

he's mortal. he was born mortal. he forgot about it, for years and years, but the more time he spends with stede the more he remembers and the more he thinks he can face what he left behind, and the more he wants to, the more he wants things to change

and meanwhile, stede's got his own notoriety problem, people are talking about the man who keeps dancing in and out of the fae world, far are talking about the man who dances in and out of their borders as if they don't exist, and not everyone's as captivated by his swagless whimsy as ed is and boy is he facing a reckoning (not even an earned one!)

and yet. as unworthy as he feels as the consequences start stacking, as concerned as he is, he wants ed. oh he wants ed. oh he's never felt as alive as when he's with ed.

for the legacy of fae knight blackbeard to die and the mortal ed to be free from the shadow of that legend, for stede to survive the wrath of the fair folk, to keep the flame of their love lit, they'll have to risk everything

[highladyariane]

i found your blog my accident but i also hate cc and didnt read the book, would you mind just do a quick rundown of important stuff that happen with the acotar characters? like those that are important for the next book, sorry if this is annoying feel free to ignore me i just refuse to read that book

I would actually love to do that for you while this is all fresh in my mind! I feel like this is going to help multiple people, and also me when the next ACOTAR book comes out in 2 years.

I'll only cover the parts that are relevant to the ACOTAR world because it's a long book. I don't know if people reading this will have any knowledge of CC, so I'll try to keep it to the ACOTAR knowledge, but I might forget sometimes.

There will be spoilers under the cut!! Also, I don't like Bryce, so buckle up for some salt.

Interrogation:

Shortly after arriving in Prythian, Bryce is taken away by Rhysand to the Court of Nightmares. Azriel and Amren join him for the interrogation.

They all start questioning Bryce about where she's from, why she's here, why she's covered in blood, how did she get the lost sword Gwydion, etc. Bryce is being evasive about most of the answers, and a big part of why is because they're fae and they're asking her a lot of questions. If you haven't read any CC books, Bryce hates the fae, and it's deeply annoying to me.

Bryce tries to bullshit them at some points, but Azriel can tell when she's lying.

Amren tells Rhys to look into her mind, but when Rhys ask Bryce if he can look into her mind, she says no, so he doesn't. So basically, Bryce has plot armor from Rhys, which is also deeply annoying to me.

They all realize that Queen Theia and Pelias, familiar historical figures in Bryce's world, were originally from Prythian. Queen Theia used to be High Queen. I don't think this is important to Prythian in general, but Theia is Bryce's ancestor.

When Amren came out of her imprisonment, she also remembers rumors about a large number of people vanishing, some said to another world.

Rhysand says that they won't torture her for information and they also won't pry it from her mind. Bryce can choose not to talk, but Rhys can also choose to keep her here until she decides otherwise.

Bryce tells them about the Asteri, immortal beings from her world who take a tax on magic for their own nourishment and power. Amren makes the connection to the Daglan, who used to rule over the fae in Prythian centuries ago until they were defeated. Bryce tells the crew that the Asteri want to come back to Prythian for revenge.

During this interrogation, Bryce lies to the group about not being able to winnow, and Azriel says nothing about her lie this time.

Rhysand goes to get the Veritas Orb so that Bryce can show them the weapons the Asteri use, which she does (it's guns and technology).

They give Bryce a little silver bean to eat that makes her able to talk their mother tongue and allows her to speak it too.

The spell on the translator bean triggers a reaction from Bryce's back tattoo, and it starts glowing. Amren realizes that the writing on her tattoo is the same as the writing in the Book of Breathings. Azriel says, "Explain, or you die."

Amren tells Rhysand to bring Nesta in the interrogation room. When Nesta arrives, she says that Bryce carries something that is Made other than the sword, which we know to be the tattoo (the tattoo is actually a magical Horn).

The tension starts getting worse, and eventually Rhysand calls it a day, saying that Bryce needs rest. They leave her alone, but they don't give her back Gwydion and they take away her phone.

The "escape":

Some of this information we don't find out about until later, but I try to include it in chronological order to make it easier.

The ACOTAR crew makes a plan to get information from Bryce by isolating her with Nesta and (a hidden) Azriel. Rhys takes a guess that she'll try to escape, and they can use that.

We don't know how much time passes while Bryce is locked up, but she says it's a few hours. She eventually winnows out of her cell.

It's very important to note that there are a lot of monsters under the mountain of the Court of Nightmares.

Bryce has a star on her chest, and it glows. The beasts seem to stay away from it. Bryce figures out that the light of her star is leading her somewhere.

Bryce walks for what she assumes are hours, and eventually falls asleep. When she wakes up, Nesta is there to offer her water. Nesta says that they knew the moment she escaped, and she's here to escort Bryce back to her cell (this is a lie).

At first, Bryce tries to escape. Before she can, Azriel (still hidden) stops her and triggers the cave to collapse so that Nesta, Bryce and him are cut off from the cells, forcing them to go the other way.

Bryce mentions that her star is pointing a certain way, and Nesta tells her to lead on.

Travelling :

They travel for hours (days? they sleep at some point) and adventures happen, some of which I won't mention.

A Middengard Wyrm shows up (yes, like the one that Feyre fought when she was still human).

Bryce saves Nesta's life from a trap.

Azriel eventually reveals himself. He not only brought Truth-Teller, but also Gwydion with him. I feel like this only happens for Bryce to get the weapons, because why would Az bring them both with him when it makes him uncomfortable to carry both at the same time?? Seriously, they make a point to tell us multiple times how uncomfortable it is for Az.

At some point, Bryce wounds her hands and knees on purpose. She lets her knees heal, but not her hands. She’s using her blood to draw the Middengard Wyrm to them so that she can escape Nesta and Az. When Az starts asking questions about her hands not healing, she plays the awful dad card: “The man who fathered me used to burn my brother to punish him. The scars never healed for him, either.” As you can imagine, this resonates with Az, who lets it go.

Nesta asks Bryce about her star because it’s shaped like an eight-pointed star. Nesta is asking about it because it’s the same shape as the bargain tattoo she used to have on her back.

The Middengard Wyrm finally takes the bait, and Bryce ditches Nesta and Az while it starts to attack. As Bryce is running away, the Wyrm gets scared of Nesta’s power and backs down. Nesta plays dead, taking a guess that Bryce will come back. When Bryce stops hearing the sounds of fighting, she feels bad about leaving them behind and comes back to save then. When she gets there, Nesta and Az tell Bryce that they want her to play bait so that they can kill the Wyrm.

During the Wyrm fight, the Wyrm somehow eats Nesta’s power. To kill it, Nesta puts on the Mask and uses Ataraxia. Az has to talk her down by mentioning the people she cares about: Cassian, Gwyn, Emerie, Feyre, Elain and Nyx. Nesta then takes off the Mask.

Nesta and Az finally reveal that this was all part of the plan, that they waited for Bryce to escape so that they could follow her. Nesta also reveals that she has seen Bryce’s tattoo before, and not only because of her former tattoo: Nesta saw it in the Prison when she went to get the Harp.

Everyone is angry with everyone.

At some point, Nesta promises to give Bryce her phone back if she helps with the traversal of the tunnels. When Bryce does get her phone back, they all have a conversation about what it is and what it does, including that it can hold 1000+ songs and take pictures.

Nesta, Az and Bryce bonus chapter:

Bonding time!

Nesta tells Bryce about her horrible mother and how she would probably hate who Nesta has become.

While they're discussing mothers, Bryce asks Az about his. Nesta jokes that, "Az never talks about this mother, and neither will our friends, so I'm guessing she's even worse," to which Az responds, "My mother is anything but awful." Nesta starts to apologize, but Az says he doesn't want to talk about it.

Nesta asks Bryce to play music on her phone, and Bryce chooses Stone Mother (folk music).

Bryce plays them at least one song from each genre of music. Nesta has to cover her ears during the death metal song, but Az seems to like it. Nesta likes the classical stuff the most out of everything. Both of them are intrigued by club music.

After a while, Bryce tries to ask about their magic, but Az shuts her down. She asks about mates, because she knows that Nesta has one, but Az says he doesn't have a mate or a partner.

Bryce asks Nesta about becoming fae, including her now immortal lifespan. Nesta says she's still getting used to it, and then asks Az how he deals with it. Az says, "Find people you love - they make the time pass quickly. Especially if they'll forgive your occasional snapping at them over things that aren't their fault." Nesta then says, "Nothing to forgive, Az."

Az adds, "And I've been told having children makes the time fly, too." Nesta rolls her eyes, but Bryce sees a gleam in them. Nesta then says that she wouldn't know how to raise a child since she was raised by a terrible mother. Az says that just because her mother was terrible, doesn't mean Nesta will be a terrible mother.

Nesta admits that her mother was even worse to Feyre, and yet Feyre has turned out to be a perfect mother.

They listen to music until the phone battery runs out.

After the phone dies, Bryce can hear Az humming the Stone Mother song to himself, and she "could have sworn even the shadows danced at the sound."

The Prison:

The gang gets to the Prison and the doors close behind them. Az wants to go get Rhys, but Nesta points out that it would take a long time and they’re not sure if he would be close enough to hear them.

They get to the room with the eight-pointed star, the place where the Harp was. They can’t enter because of the wards, but Bryce can because she has a special amulet. She tricks Az and enters by herself. Nesta decides to watch what happens and not go in immediately. A little later, they all enter in the room through magic, so it doesn't really last long.

Nesta tells Bryce about the Harp being able to move between physical places and that it can stop time. Bryce asks if there was ever a Made object called the Horn, but they haven’t heard of one.

Bryce steps onto the star, triggering a kind of hologram of Silene, Queen Theia's daughter. She starts telling them her story.

Silene’s story (lore time):

The important players are: Queen Theia, her two daughters, Helena and Silene, her general Pileas and the Asteri (the Daglan).

When Az sees Silene, he says that she looks like Rhysand’s sister.

For five thousand years, The Daglan ruled over the High Fae of Prythian, and in turn the High Fae ruled over the humans. The Daglan taxed their magic to sustain their own power.

The Cauldron was an artifact from Prythian that existed before the Asteri arrived here, but they modified it so that it wouldn’t be just able to create, it would also be able to destroy. Then, the Daglan made the Dead Trove with the Cauldron: The Mask, the Harp, the Crown and the Horn.

Theia stole the Trove, which helped her take back the Cauldron from the Asteri. While they had the Cauldron, Theia's husband made Gwydion and Truth-Teller.

They defeated the Daglan.

Queen Theia became High Queen of Prythian along with her husband, the High King. She ruled over the territory where the Prison currently is, which used to be the Dusk Court.

However, Theia was hungry for power. When her husband was dying of old age, he wanted to pass the crown to their daughter Helena. Because Theia didn't want to give up her crown, she and her general Pelias arranged her husband's murder by a monstrous beast.

After his death, Theia took Truth-Teller and Gwydion. And then, she took the Trove.

Without recounting the whole story, I can’t stress enough how bad Theia, Pelias, Silene and Helena were. They all started ruling over the people, and the people had no choice but to bow to them. Theia and Pelias then decided that this wasn’t enough and that they needed to conquer other words.

Their council refused because they didn’t want to become conquerors. However, Theia and Pelias made plans in secret and, with the Horn and Harp, opened a door to Bryce’s world. There, they met an Asteri (at the time, Theia didn’t know that Asteri = Daglan).

When Theia, Silene, Helena and Pelias realized that this world already had humans, they conquered them too. The humans couldn’t fight back, obviously.

Pelias was a traitor and sold out Theia and the Trove to the Asteri.

Theia sent her daughters to spy on the Asteri, and they discovered that the Asteri were actually the Daglan.

With the help of Hel (another world), the fae and the humans, they began a war against the Asteri, while the Asteri put Pelias in charge of their army.

Their resistance was losing the fight.

Theia decided to open a portal to Prythian, but not to get help. She opened it to save Silene and Helena. Theia split her power in three and put a third in Helena, a third in Silene and a third in Gwydion.

Theia didn't survive her next fight, and Helena stayed behind in Bryce's world to allow Silene to escape with the Trove and Truth-Teller.

Silene did escape, and she didn't keep the portal open for all the innocent people near the portal. She heard them begging, and still did nothing.

Silene eventually married the High Lord of the Night Court and erased all evidence of the horrible things that she, her mother and her sister did. To conceal the Dusk Court mountain and everything in it, Silene brought horrible beasts to it and locked them in cells. It became the Prison.

Winged horses, originally from the Dusk Court, nearly went extinct.

We find out that Silene's High Lord wanted her to become High Lady, “as the other lords’ mates were,” which seems to imply that every court used to be ruled by both.

She keyed the wards of the Prison to her bloodline and passed on this knowledge to her sons, who passed it on to their sons, and to their sons, etc. This knowledge was lost at some point.

Fun fact: the starlight thing that Rhysand has? It’s from the Dusk Court, it’s part of Silene’s power. It’s the “light of the evening star, the dusk star.”

The Aftermath:

Az wants to go get Rhys immediately.

Nesta figures out that Bryce is the Horn and that this is the reason that she can travel between worlds. They really spell out how dangerous it could be for Prythian if Bryce kept opening portals, especially with the Asteri wanting to come back.

Az tries to go get reinforcements against Bryce, but she stops him. Bryce also realizes that Silene left the power Theia gave her in the Prison, and that she can take it because she’s from the same bloodline (on Helena’s side).

Nesta says that Bryce has to let them bring their High Lord (Rhys). Bryce says, “To do what? Lock me up? Cut the Horn out of my skin?” and Nesta answers, “If that’s what’s necessary. If that’s what it takes to keep our world safe.”

They fight and, at some point, fall down in a void. Bryce finds a crystal coffin with a woman inside, sleeping. The fight is about to resume, but they wake up the woman in the coffin.

The woman in the coffin is an Asteri named Vesperus, and she’s “muahahaha” level of evil. Slaves, power, conquering, all of it. So of course, Bryce frees her because Vesperus says she’ll answer her questions. Because that’s such a good fucking idea.

When she frees Vesperus, Bryce takes back Gwydion from Az by summoning it to her. Nesta and Az want to attack Vesperus, but Bryce tells them not to… so they don’t. Once again, the plot armor is strong.

Vesperus does say that that the Asteri pooled their power and “imbued those gifts into the Cauldron” so that it would work their will. Then, they bound the very essence of the Cauldron to the soul of this world. This means that destroying the Cauldron would destroy this world, one cannot exist without the other.

It turns out that freeing the “muahahaha” level of evil Asteri isn’t a good idea because she still wants to conquer worlds and feed on the magic of her slaves. Who knew, really.

Vesperus starts to fight them, and Nesta, Bryce and Az have no choice but to fight back.

We find out that Truth-Teller has other powers that Az doesn’t know how to use.

We find out that the Asteri hid pockets of their power throughout the lands in case or emergency, one of which is here in the Prison.

Vesperus even goes, “You should have killed me when you had the chance.” No shit, lady.

During the fight, Bryce summons Truth-Teller to her. With Gwydion, Truth-Teller and her power, Bryce significantly weakens Vesperus, but doesn’t kill her.

At this point, Az tries to immediately kill Vesperus (thank you, finally), but it doesn’t work. So Nesta pours her power into Ataraxia and kills her.

Bryce is very angry that they killed the no-good, evil Asteri, because for some reason, she was under the impression that Vesperus was going to give her all the answers she needed to fix the problems back in her world.

Nesta and Az seem very unimpressed by this. Bryce goes, “Trust me, I know better than you guys what the Asteri can do,” to which Nesta responds, “Then you have even less of an excuse for your actions.”

Az wants to get out of here and bring Bryce back with them. Bryce starts using the Horn to get out of Prythian with Gwydion and Truth-Teller. Az pleads with her not to leave, and he’s particularly fixated on Truth-Teller.

Nesta says, “You’re as much of a monster as they are.”

Bryce says, “Love will do that to you,” and goes back to her own world.

Fuck you too, Bryce :)

The Collateral:

A lot later in the book, after a lot of shenanigans, Bryce returns to Prythian (House of Wind) with her parents and her mate. She has a plan that she’s going to ask Nesta for the Mask and leave her parents here as collateral. It also means her parents will be safe from the Asteri, which is really good.

Her parents are unaware of this, by the way.

At first, Nesta does not want to give Bryce the Mask and also asks Bryce to leave Truth-Teller before leaving. Rhys is already on his way, and Nesta tells her to leave before he arrives.

Bryce pleads with Nesta and says she will return both the Mask and Truth-Teller after she’s done with them. Bryce does more pleading, offers her parents as collateral, and even asks Nesta to take her parents even if she won’t give her the Mask.

Nesta takes a leap of faith and gives her the Mask.

Just as Rhysand gets there, Bryce leaves with her mate

Her parents stay in Prythian.

Ember and Randall bonus chapter:

Note: Ember is Bryce’s mom, and Randall is Bryce’s dad.

So, Rhysand gets to the House of Wind and he’s very angry.

They give Ember and Randall a translator bean.

Nesta, Rhys, Amren and Cassian go into another room to argue, while Azriel stays with Bryce’s parents.

Rhys says that Nesta had no right to make this choice, especially because it puts their entire world in danger. Nesta says that she had every right because the Trove answers to her, and also because Bryce’s pleading resonated with her. Nesta wanted to give her the edge she needs in the fight against the Asteri. After what Bryce did, Rhys is of the opinion that Nesta should have killed her on sight.

Ember and Randall are brought into the room. They tell them about their version of events, meaning that they didn’t know what Bryce was planning.

Ember says that they won’t cause any problem while they’re here. Rhysand says that he’s not concerned about them causing problems, he’s concerned about Bryce. She already proved the lengths she’s willing to go to for the people she loves, and he wonders if she would betray Prythian to save the people she loves.

They end the meeting, and Amren tells Nesta to pray Feyre changes Rhysand’s mind before they meet the next day.

Ember and Nesta bond that night.

In the morning, Rhysand, Cassian and Nesta come to the House of Wind. Nesta’s head is bowed, and both Rhysand and Cassian look angry.

Ember stands up to Rhysand to defend Nesta. It breaks the tension, and everyone calms down a bit.

Randall and Rhys bond.

We find out that Feyre did intervene on Nesta’s behalf.

We also find out that, according to Nesta, Cassian is actually the one who is the most furious with her out of everyone.

Nesta and Ember bond again.

The Return:

After Bryce is done with the Asteri problem, she comes back to the House of Wind. Cassian, Nesta, Ember and Randall are all there.

We learn that Randall and Rhys bonded over being overprotective fathers.

Bryce gives Nesta the Mask and Truth-Teller.

We also hear that Rhysand and Azriel have not being happy with Nesta’s decision about the Mask, but Nesta stands by her choice.

Ember says goodbye to Nesta, who started seeing Ember as a mother figure.

Before leaving, Bryce gives Gwydion to Nesta, saying that she thinks it should go to her. Bryce doesn’t think it’s a coincidence that Nesta had an eight-pointed star as a tattoo on her back.

The end!

[acourtofthought]

1) stop spoiling HOFAS. Jesus Christ.

2) the Bryceriel ship went up against a pre-existing relationship where the two characters (Bryce and Hunt) actually have feelings for each other, and actually like spending time with each other as both friends and lovers. You know, all the things Elain and Lucien canonically have no current signs of.

3) Lucien having a sad backstory doesn’t entitle him to Elain’s affections or love. It’s not about what he needs, or what the fandom thinks Elain needs (e.g. she needs to accept the mating bond, or she needs sunshine, or she needs to leave the Night Court), it’s about what Elain wants. And all signs (over 4 whole books now) suggest that’s not Lucien. It’s Azriel. And Elain is a seer - I’m trusting her judgement on this one.

4) I wouldn’t be so content to mock other people’s ships when you yourself have spent every. single. day. of the past 2-3 years going on and on about how Elucien is endgame, and that you know better than everyone else on the matter. You could be wrong too, you know?

Stop spoiling HOFAS?

You mean stop writing "Post contains HOFAS spoilers" followed by a Keep Reading button which hides the rest because you're the (insert choice word here) who chooses to continue reading the post when you're trying to avoid spoilers? Also, if you're the one who keeps using proof of a tainted Elucien bond because of the Cauldron then NEWS FLASH, you are already reading spoilers because that's a bullshit E/riel theory that they've suddenly come up with the leak of HOFAS. And...feel free to BLOCK my account if what I post is bothering you so much. I'm not sure why you're so desperate to keep my blog visible when it upsets you to this degree.

2. My point was that Bryce / Az shippers were convinced that because Hunt and Bryce's bond was described different than other ships, it had to be fake and Bryce's real mate was Az. Just like E/riels have a million and one theories for why the Elucien bond isn't real. But just as it was proven that Bryce and Hunts bond was the real deal regardless of it's differences to other bonds in description, Elucien's bond is the real deal too. Just like Feysand, just like Nessian. You still have absolutely NO PROOF that it was manipulated in any way especially when there are multiple examples in the ACOTAR series and CC3 explaining that when a bond snaps, it can be scented. Not just when it's accepted. 3. Lucien doesn't deserve Elain because of his tragic backstory but from a logical literary standpoint, authors do not write the progression of events that SJM has written for Lucien only to have his mate reject him in the end. The author chose to write it into her book that they are mates, has written him to be entirely respectful to the gift they share, and continues hitting us over the head with their compatibility. Elain is not real, you do know that, correct? It's not about what Elain wants but what the author wants for her. Nesta WANTED to drink and fuck random fae. Was that the best thing for her? Or did the author want better for her? So just because Elain wanted to hook up with Az doesn't meant that decision is being made for the right reasons or what Elain actually wants long term. I think it's a RIOT that you think Elain wanting to have a hook up with Az while refusing to reject her bond is a bigger clue to her future story than things like Elain always being by the sunniest window, that Elain wearing black, no matter how much she claimed to be part of the NC....it sucked the life from her, that SPRING had been made for someone like Elain, that Elain's scent was a promise of Spring. Oh, you mean the Seer powers Elain confirms she hasn't used? That her good boy Az hasn't offered to help her with? Yeah, great call banking her entire future on those powers. Seriously, step away from your ship for half a minute and pay attention to the fucking book outside of the Az and Elain moments. 4. I'm sorry. If I actually knew who you were and I looked at your page, do you think I'd find how you liked posts of E/riels mocking Lucien and the Elucien ship? Are you honestly coming on to my page and acting like what I do is so much worse than the people you follow? What I'm "mocking" is E/riels going around claiming they have canon evidence that the Elucien bond has been proven tainted and I'm fairly sure I'm allowed to call out how ridiculous that is. I acknowledge I could be wrong Elucien. I don't think I am but until the book is written anything is possible. But have you considered that you all could be very wrong about E/riel?

[foxboyclit]

I’m mentally sending you many desserts, and hope the rest of this week is much better! For an OC question; what kind of games do you think your OCs would like best?

ty uriel ;-; im having a friend come up this week so i think it will be a lot better, i joked today "since i only have work 2 days theres gonna be a weeks worth of bullshit condensed" lol

im choosing to interpret this as card/board games because i know fuck all about video games

theres a really sweet game called calico thats a puzzle strategy about making a quilt for kitties to snuggle on, and that is 100% Howl's shit. just a cozy game with enough challenge to keep them engaged, where there is a winner but its very low stakes (theyre just happy they made a cat-approved quilt).

its a ttrpg but i think they'd love Shadow of the Demon Lord. ive only played a oneshot for it but the dark fantasy, weird worldbuilding and horror aspects would be very appealing to them

Fae just likes games as an excuse to hang out, so your classics like uno and cards against humanity is what they'd bring. they're a bit of a sore loser and live for the petty revenge opportunities in uno

the Nydallas obviously love sava, because any excuse to flex those manipulation skills with the added layer of flirting is their bread and butter. i also think theyd have a lot of fun with deception: murder in hong kong. its hidden roles, mystery, murder, balls to the wall theorizing, heated accusations, basically everything drow love (also using this as an excuse to post the polygon video for it, because it's my favorite overboard episode to date)

Chena'stra tried to play cards or sava with Ang'dra, and it just ended up in another terrible fight. either because Ang'dra refuses to entertain her or actually beat Chen and she's mad about it. i'll also say House Frival game nights are a lot quieter post-disowning Chen

what do Venny and Lath like to play. how terrible is the shit talking. are either of them sore losers

[dreaminginvelaris]

A Response to a Feyre Anti

I made a post recently explaining the dread of having to watch Feyre be abused by her sisters and father, in the Tv adaption. And a Feyre anti made a response, to something that should not be criticized at all considering what I said was just the truth? Feyre was abused. Not only that but they went on and completely twisted the narrative to fit their own ideas and in the process made Feyre out to be cruel and Nesta a saint. complete bull.

I will not be tagging the anti bc they have me blocked (shocker), but also I do not want anyone to go after them, if you come across the post, I don't want it to be through me. it's as much respect I can give to them.

I usually do not respond to those who have something to say with a post of mine or are blatantly talking about me on their blog, unless they're just spreading absolute lies about me or what i "said", it's usually a waste of time to do so. but this post attacked Feyre with outrageous lies and a complete backward interpretation of what actually happened in acotar, so as respectful as I can be, I will be analyzing the anti-response and what truly happened in acotar.

"the audience will only see two sisters fighting-not abuse" "it’s not Nesta you need to worry about. It’s audiences calling Feyre a big dumbass and a bitch" -from anti

if the audience has basic human compassion and empathy for humans IRL or fictional, they will see what's obvious from the start. Feyres abuse. how is it going to look, when they see Feyre walking through the woods, shaking from the cold, starving from hunger, and struggling to find food for her family? only to later see Nesta's treatment of Feyre?"

in the anti's post, they said Feyre was just as "heinous" to Nesta.

is Feyre the one calling Nesta a pig? a smelly pig? ordering her to take her clothes off?

no, it's not, it's dear Nesta. the text goes as "I took my time, swallowing the words I wanted to bark at her" oh yes... how cruel of Feyre. how heinous of Feyre to...stay quiet... at the verbal abuse.

in the same image we see Feyre ask Nesta to do something (kindly might I add) and then inquire why she didn't chop wood like she needs to.

what does Nesta do? acts like a brat and insults Feyre...once again.

considering I'm going off by the story and not the actual screenplay, and assuming they stay true to the story; will the audience not be disgusted by Nesta's behavior? I mean they just saw Feyre struggle to find food and they expect Feyre to go home to a family happy and appreciative of Feyre but instead, they get this familial abuse.

the anti said Feyre basically tells Nesta this:

"If you keep bitching at everyone like this no one will want to be around you or you can’t marry this guy because you’re a waste of space to me"

but what do we see?

"Believe me... the day you want to marry someone worthy, I'll march up to his house and hand you over. But you're not going to marry Tomas."

the word worthy, did that not catch your eye? Feyre said Nesta will have to marry someone worthy, someone, who will treat Nesta kindly and give her the life Feyre thinks her sisters deserve. bc Feyre does think that IDK why anti feyres think Feyre despised Nesta so much, Feyre loved her sisters.

what the anti fails to realize here is that Nesta marrying Tomas would have been actually pretty great for Feyre. in the sense that, Feyre would no longer carry the burden of her sister. Feyre would not have to worry about feeding one more mouth. or worrying about Nesta's constant stealing of Feyre's money. Feyre does not think Nesta is a "waste of space" to her, if she did, it would have been easy for Feyre to discard Nesta, and allow her to marry Tomas. the anti has that twisted.

but that is not even the worst part of the scene. did you see the shameless slut-shaming that came out of Nesta's mouth? how will the audience take to that? do you think most of the younger generation will take it lightly to see a sister slut-shame a sister? a woman putting down another woman? in this social climate? where the feminism movement is alive and flourishing. will they be okay with it? will they still blame Feyre and be mad at her the way the anti says they will be? I hope not otherwise I'm losing faith in humanity.

Lovely words Nesta spews at Feyre. I admit Feyre should have told her then and there that Tomas is abusive. but let's think: Feyre is 19 years old, the youngest, has never had any raising by a parental figure, has been neglected by her whole family, where would Feyre learn to calmly talk to an overgrown brat like Nesta? Feyre telling Nesta who Tomas truly is the duty of a parent, not a sister. I will not condemn Feyre for not knowing that was the perfect time to tell Nesta who Tomas is. especially when Feyre is being tormented and verbally/emotionally abused, its kinda hard to think about something else while you're being told all these horrible words. to us its easy to see where Feyre went wrong but unless you're in the exact position Feyre was in. no one has any room to talk. and even then, every person is different in situations like these.

this part was me analyzing the interactions between Feyre and Nesta since anti had reasons to believe Feyre was just as bad to Nesta and that the audience would see that and hate Feyre. I am now going to respond to the second part of the Feyre Anti's response.

"How will an audience of non-fans react to her not reaching out to her family to tell them she was okay after the reconciliation between her and Nesta? Or not inviting them to the wedding?"- from anti

moving onto acomaf now.

Idk maybe the audience will see Feyre, a depressed, lonely, individual in an abusive relationship while being manipulated by other individuals she called friends, and understand and empathize with her. all throughout the beginning and half of acomaf, Feyre is in critical depression. she wholeheartedly believes she should not be alive. that she is not worthy. she doesn't eat, all she does is sleep, self-care is not important to her or others so why would letting a family know she's okay, a family who BARELY ever cared about her, be a priority? it doesn't seem like Nesta or elain or her father was really fazed by Feyre's lack of communication. her father left on a trip, elain got engaged and Nesta, well we didn't see a tearful welcoming to Feyre on Nesta's part did we?

anti, where is the outcry of her "family" not even really caring if Feyre was safe or not, of what happened to her? it's not like they thought she had died, otherwise, where was the mourning or funeral? no, they just didn't care.

see this is where I know when anti is just full of bullshit. why, WHY, would Feyre invite her family to wedding full of fae? the creatures elain and Nesta fear and hate? for all the talk many anti's spew about Feyre being inconsiderate to Nesta, to her family, you would think Feyre maybe just knows a fae wedding would be the last thing they would want? even then, does Feyre owe them an invitation to her wedding? does she owe them an update on her life? nope. Feyre owed them nothing.

"How about her shit-talking Nesta to a bunch of strangers then having the audacity to ask her to get involved in a war. Oh! This is after she comes into her house and insults their hospitality." - from anti

I hardly think Feyre confiding in individuals who she learned to care about and laying out all the trauma Feyre endured with her family is "shit-talking" but for argument's sake, let's say it is. I still don't see what's wrong? after years of pent-up anger and hurt, would you not let go of everything you withheld inside and explain what was done to you? how you felt? Feyre telling the IC her life story, which contains Nesta's abuse and her family's neglect, was a form of therapy for Feyre. I never read a line where Feyre calls Nesta a "cold-hearted bitch" or called elain "a lazy ditz" she just said the truth. no added embellishments. Cassian was the one who shit-talked Nesta during the dinner scene, never Feyre.

I still don't understand why antis are so against Feyre asking her sisters for help? like the war didn't involve them? they're humans, and you know what the war was about? Hybern wanting to take control of the human lands like they once did and turn them into slaves. those humans included Nesta and elain.

"They could have left the continent" correct, except elain was engaged and refused to leave Grayson. which meant Nesta refused to leave elain. but even so, isn't it the duty of humans to band together and work to overthrow a race of people who want to torture and keep them as slaves? the queens certainly weren't doing their jobs. Feyre asked to use "their" house to meet the queens bc where else would they do it? the queens trust the fae less than Nesta or elain did. but even so, Feyre asking to use their house was a courtesy, that house is rightfully Feyre's. she is the one who sacrificed herself to leave with Tamlin. she did it bravely, courageously, and they got that house thanks to her. they owed Feyre everything. and the only one who acknowledged that was Elain.

that war involved elain and Nesta whether they or Feyre or the anti's liked it or not. not even considering that Nesta and elain are Feyre Archerons sisters, yeah, their family name alone puts a target on their back.

How did Feyre or the court insult Elain's and Nesta's hospitality? You mean when Feyre realized human food differed from fae food? something she did not know about bc she's barely been turned to fae and only had eaten fae dishes? Feyre's grimace towards the human food was an involuntary reaction to someone who is still learning their new body. or was it when Cassian called out Nesta for her cold treatment towards Feyre? if that's the case then fuck decency, I would call out a fake bitch in my presence from minute one. you cant call what Nesta did "hospitality" when all she did was insult Feyre when she didn't even care that Feyre had died, or lost her love bc of abuse, or that her body was changed against her will.

hospitality: the friendly and generous reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers.

did y'all read something different bc this for sure was nothing Nesta gave to her guests?

----

the rest of the anti post moves towards Rhysand and his actions UTM which I won't go into because I'm mainly just addressing the false interpretations this anti had to say about Feyre and her family.

I'm not sure how to sign off now lol, but I guess just that I hope this was enough to show how this anti's arguments were completely ludicrous and have absolutely no compassion for Feyre, and instead all the compassion for Feyre's abusers. This anti had a real spin on what the actual story was, and I hope the evidence I provided was enough to show that. Anyways yeah my brain is fried, and I'm done arguing with Feyre anti's for a while now, I need to go praise my queen Feyre so I can receive some semblance of peace.

anyways, stan Feyre for clear skin xx

[azrielsbaby]

I think it's time we all recognise and acknowledge that the reason why Nesta was cruel to Feyre and other people was because of her superiority/inferiority complex

Her mother raised her to be the best of the best, to get the prince, to be the shining child of the archeron empire because of the mother's own inferiority+superiority complexes. Nesta ever since she was young was basically groomed to perfection, she wasn't allowed to show weakness in fear of losing her mother's approval.

I say both inferiority and superiority complex because the two often go hand in hand. There are many instances where she displays herself to be superior to others and the way she reacts also reflects on how she hates being inferior such as:

1) when she looked down at feyre about her looks, illiteracy, relationship with Isaac and etc while living in the cottage. she hated that she was inferior to feyre in regards of supporting the family, their father couldn't do it but feyre who was the one that no one took notice of stepped up in ways the others couldn't. So Nesta hurt her by throwing Feyre's "shortcomings" to put herself above and feel better about herself

2) when Feyre and the bat boys visited the archeron estate that FEYRE got them, she pulled on her act that she was more highly than them by dismissing Feyre's replies and the bat boys existence - when cassian called her out, she just dismissed it too as her abuse to feyre was nothing. her inferiority complex came through a little when she asked feyre is she thinks she's better than them to eat human food because she's Fae now

3) after the war, she put herself back on a pedestal as a defense mechanism from her trauma - she uses her superiority complex to protect herself. when the IC or elain tried to help her, she refused. she took the night court's money just because she could - she knew feyre would just keep giving her money, that power over feyre fed into her superiority complex.

4) her inferiority complex led her to self destruct after the war, the fact that she couldn't save her father, saw feyre grow and become high lady, a wife and have friends, all the things her mother told her she would have probably made her act the way she did

5) the whole "you picked feyre" bullshit also stems from her superiority/ inferiority complex. she couldn't handle the fact that the people who she saw were her friends i.e. amren and elain are also Feyre's friends.

I never understood Nesta's treatment towards people, especially Feyre who faced the brunt of Nesta's abuse and actions. And this seems the only plausible reason as to why. Feyre was the unnoticed child while Nesta was the golden child but as soon as they lost everything, Feyre became the one that carried the family. And after everything, Feyre was the one rose above Nesta in things that their mother promised for Nesta. So basically Feyre is the evidence of Nesta's shortcomings and failures and it's also why she hated it when anyone spoke about Feyre (which is usually in high regard). She hurt Feyre because Feyre's love for her was still a leverage she got over her.

And I think the big part of nesta's healing journey should have been realising she isn't the best, embracing her shortcomings and failures, accepting that it's ok regardless. It would have been nice if Nesta openly acknowledged that and took action it rather than her being displayed as this queen that does no wrong and everyone falling at her feet, winning the blood rite with a few months of training and etc.

It would have also been amazing if she accepted that she needed help, worked on her powers with Amren, trained and studied. Rather than be thrown into fights and mission and miraculously come out alive and be presented as a desirable prize for so many male characters in acosf.

Anyway, this became too long and it's only my opinion and perspective, sjm still never gave us a solid reason for nesta's treatment towards feyre and other people and this post is just me throwing two cents of my guess in.

PSA this DOES NOT excuse nesta's behaviour, it was still horrible and feyre deserves better closure and so does Nesta tbh which neither will receive until Nesta openly accepts that her actions stemmed from these complexes and that Feyre was not at fault.

[wildlyglittering]

A Love for all Seasons Part 1 (Winter)

I said that I would write a piece for Nessian Month to be posted each Sunday so here is the first!

I’d hoped to have this up earlier but hey ho. I ended up scrapping 8,000 words of something that I’d previously done and re-wrote this in a day. It’s barely edited so I can only apologise for dubious quality and numerous spelling errors. 

I asked for prompt requests and this one is based on ‘modern au, Nesta as a ballerina.’ You’ll probably see that it’s not entirely modern au because I just can’t write modern au - sorry!

I’ve decided to link all 4 prompts received together as a 4 part series. Not all other sections will be as long as this one. Probably. I mean, I’ve not written them yet so....

***

Velaris at Solmas was a magical time and Nesta wasn’t thinking metaphorically – Solmas was literally a magical time.

Solmas was a blend of both fae and human traditions and, as a time for celebration, this meant spirits were up and magical shields were down. Active magic rippled through the air as did the leakage from those who had magic but never used it.

No one truly remembered when the lines between fae and human’s merged and there was the possibility the fae had decided to adjust the truth in collective memory to make it seem like they had always been part of the city.

Perhaps they had. Perhaps they hadn’t. Not a human amongst them could tell and not a fae amongst them would.

As centuries passed, or decades - no one was quite sure after all, the fae evolved to blend in. They shed talons, claws and teeth, and moulted wings and shimmering skin.

That wasn’t to say a good deal of them didn’t have remnants of their previous lineage; there were still those who had wings and those who were always followed by a mist. Some slipped from human form like their flesh was a dress.

There wasn’t a fae who didn’t have some magic, however small. But then, so did Nesta and her sisters, Feyre and Elain.

At some point in their collective past, the fae decided they liked the humans and vice versa and so romantic liaisons were not an uncommon occurrence. Despite a few differences, both species were compatible and that was how magic managed to bleed into some human veins. As Feyre said, they were human but with ‘added spice’.  

Sometimes all that magic, especially at this heightened time of year, was damned irritating.

That morning Nesta had been in a café, reading her book when a lady biting into a gingerbread man had to stop on account of her baked good starting to scream.

Then, when she’d left to make her way to the ballet, she’d been caught in a snow flurry where the snowflakes took the form of small fairies and danced around her. She’d slapped them away, ignoring their outraged cries.

The walk which should have been ten minutes from her favourite café down into the theatre district ended up taking forty after some enchanted horses pulling sleighs decided to protest and caused a blockage across three streets, causing numerous detours.

When she finally reached the theatre, the peace of her day shattered, Nesta stormed into her dressing room and slammed the door. “Fucking fae.”

Nesta didn’t hate the fae. Technically, you couldn’t. Anytime anyone had a negative thought there was a haze which descended over people’s minds to remind them how much they loved the fae and how pleased they were to live beside them.

The magic in her blood meant the haze was a pithy little thing which Nesta mentally told to shove its pleasantries up its non-existent asshole leading it to drift away, pretending it wasn’t offended.

No, she didn’t hate them but she found them so inconvenient.

Nesta had settled at her dressing table when her door opened following a knock. A head peeked round, long ruby-red hair streaming downwards. One of the fae Nesta did like.

“Nesta?”

“I’m here.”

“Viviane said she’s going to turn a portion of the Sidra into an ice rink later, fancy coming? I might also take an ice-dive. Good for the pores!”

Gwyn, the production assistant at the Velaris City Ballet Company was fae but was classified as a water nymph. Nesta had only discovered this when they took a trip to Adriata the beach city the previous year for a ‘hot girl summer’ and she realised Gwyn had a set of gills accompanying her lungs.

Nesta met Gwyn’s eyes in the mirror and raised an eyebrow.

“What? I can’t help myself; you know that. I take it the ice-rink is a no?”

Nesta shook her head in response as she began on her hair but smiled. Despite herself she really did like Gwyn and Viviane, and a lot of the production company too even though the company was riddled with nepotism and bias.

Few humans managed to win a place in the ballet. Arts and creative pursuits were hard to break into when you were auditioning against fae. The only reason Nesta was as successful as she had been was because of that drop of magical blood.

She reached for the headdress resting next to her make-up. The Solmas production was The Nutcracker which their performance director, Eris had choreographed and screamed over for weeks.

“Tchaikovsky was a close, personal friend of mine,” he’d bragged. “He was fae of course, well – half-fae, but then no one can be perfect.”

Nesta had rolled her eyes and ignored Eris’ glare, not at all intimidated since they both discovered she immune to glamours and spells.

Nesta hadn’t been able to score the prima ballerina role for the production but then she hadn’t for years. How can a human compete with fae who spun in the air and flew on invisible, gossamer wings?

She’d auditioned for the role of Sugar Plum Fairy and wasn’t offered the position on account of the actual fairies also auditioning. If Nesta had managed to win the role then she wouldn’t have lasted a week before a surprise accident befell her, regardless of the amount of protection charms she wore.

The role she had won suited her fine, the dance being one of her favourites – the Illyrian dance. The steps weren’t complex but the performance was all about attitude and frankly, Nesta had that in spades.

When she’d been offered the dance, Gwyn took her aside in the corridor, a frown on her face. “Are you sure you want to perform this Nesta?”

“I know what you’re going to say, the dance should have gone to an Illyrian and you’re right – it should have. I’ve been trying to petition Eris for years now about Illyrian ballerinas but he’s always up to his typical high-fae purist bullshit.”

Gwyn had given a nervous laugh and looked around them, making sure Eris wouldn’t somehow leap out of the wall at the comment. It was a fair suspicion; he’d done it to performers before if they had any critique of him to say.

“Just do the dance cultural justice.”

Nesta swore she would.

On the scale of species hierarchy, full humans remained at the bottom. They were aging mortals with no magic and poor immune systems. The fae laughed themselves silly at the concept of chicken pox and the common cold. However, it didn’t mean every fae species was revered.

High fae like Eris were basically royalty while lesser fae were their middle-class cousins. Nymphs were considered useful and the majority of other fae fell someplace in between.

Illyrians were almost a side step from the hierarchy.

As a species they were immortal, eternally youthful and ripe with magic as powerful as some of the high fae. Some of their bodies were like machines with what they did with them and they would have been able to perform ballet for days on end without breaking.

They also had those vast jet-black wings which were terrifying and enthralling at the same time. It was a shame Illyrian Air didn’t do well, but then there were far too many customer service issues.

The only reason they weren’t on par with the high-fae (in the eyes of the high-fae) was that they weren’t elegant enough. They moved with a violence underneath the surface of their flesh like their blood was fire.

They also had complex histories which no one understood because Illyrians refused to discuss anything about Illyria and their heritage with anyone who wasn’t an Illyrian.

She once asked Feyre about them to be told Illyrians had spent their entire lifetimes being looked down upon by other fae so when those same fae demanded Illyrian secrets, they refused to comply.

Feyre had said, “Cassian told me, ‘Why should we give them anything when we have to fight for everything,’” and Nesta conceded he had a point. Possibly the only point Cassian had ever had but a point nonetheless.

Why was she thinking all this now? Why was she thinking of her baby sister’s stupid friends? She knew very well why.

Gwyn had stepped into Nesta’s dressing room. “Isn’t tonight when your sister and her friends are coming to the show?”

Yes, that was why.

Gwyn leant against the wall, in Nesta’s line of sight in the mirror and Nesta shrugged keeping her voice nonchalant. “Yes, unfortunately.”

It wasn’t unfortunate Feyre was coming, Feyre who loved anything to do with art and ballet but Nesta wasn’t looking forward to the rest. Rhys, Feyre’s half high-fae, half Illyrian boyfriend had all the arrogant superiority of the high-fae and the volatility of the Illyrians with none of the manners.

Nesta was painfully aware Rhys didn’t like her.

The rest of the group were also non-human with Feyre seemingly abandoning humans completely, preferring the exclusive company of Rhys circle of fae friends. Elain was the opposite, living outside the walls of the city in her cottage, wanting nothing to do with fae at all.

Feyre had told Rhys a bunch of stories from their childhood and Rhys didn’t quite comprehend how human sisters worked, didn’t quite comprehend how complex their relationship had been.

The spit of magic in their blood had made things all the more difficult as humans were not the best containers for magic. In Nesta’s eyes what made it worse were all the tattoos Feyre had inked into her skin; amplifiers mostly.

Anger had been born from Nesta’s worry and her worry was from her love.

Feyre understood the root cause of Nesta’s peevishness even if she didn’t like it but Rhys saw disapproval and returned it in kind.

At the thought of some of the attendees Nesta’s heart started doing something change, fluttering away like it was a bird trapped in a cage. She remembered when Ianthe, one of the ensemble, had shown them the pet bird she’d brought.

“Isn’t it lovely?” she’d said, her eyes glittering as her fingernails grew sharp. “Such a pretty pet for me to love.”

Nesta remembered the poor thing desperately trying to fly out of its cage, smashing its wings and beak against the bars.

Ianthe ended up eating it. She’d sobbed she hadn’t meant to but she hadn’t grabbed her protein bar that morning when she’d left her apartment and she was starving.

They couldn’t help it; it was in their nature to consume. The fae were like locusts that way, consuming land, lives, birds. Hearts.

Gwyn’s smile at Nesta’s response stretched into one which took up most of her face and Nesta refrained from shuddering. Nymph embodied the gentle and the harsh of their element. Water nymphs had the ability to be as tranquil and soft as summer rain or as vicious and deadly as a shark in deep water.

“Uh-huh. Will Cassian be attending?”

“I don’t know, probably.”

“Are you nervous about doing the Illyrian dance in front of Illyrians?”

Yes. Terrified.

“No,” she said, “I’ve done my research.”

Eris’ choreography for the dance was lazy and aggressive, rooted in his high-fae misperceptions of Illyrian culture. Nesta convinced Eris to let her put together her own steps and when he let her, not giving a damn about the dance, Nesta sought out the sole Illyrian choreographer in Velaris - a woman named Emerie.

At least the dance would contain authentic steps, she’d just never performed it in front of any Illyrians who weren’t Emerie before.

Gwyn’s grin was still wide.

“Oh, go away would you,” Nesta said with a scowl. “I need to focus before the matinee.”

Gwyn laughed at Nesta’s scowl and Nesta knew Gwyn understood Nesta’s words were harsh but her meaning wasn’t.

“Fine, fine. I’ll see you later, my little witchy dancer.”

Nesta glared at her friends departing back. I’m not a witch, she wanted to say, just a human whose great grandma caught the eye of a high-fae and had at it.

The matinee performance went well. Performances at the Velaris City Ballet Company always went well. The city made it so, drawing in an audience like moths to lamplight.

For all its splendour, Velaris was ancient and small. What was once a human village at the base of the mountains with the Sidra River running wild aside it, grew in population and glamour once the fae came pushing through the veil.

Human technology and fae magic combined to turn the place into something unique which rippled out to other human towns and dwellings but Velaris remained the first and the original.

While other cities grew, Velaris kept its quaintness. Old buildings built from red stone were covered with trailing ivy which bloomed with different flowers depending on the inhabitants’ moods. Rooms would change their size and shape according to the number of people within and wallpapers would shift when required to become something new. A piece of furniture could be a chaise longue in the morning and a mahogany dresser by nightfall.

Outside was no different. The cobbled side streets were slightly off kilter and you could look back, having walked up a steep street only to realise the path you’d walked was now heading a different direction and upwards, not down.

The ballet house was one of the oldest buildings and contained concentrated magic the way a bottle contained liquid. It also meant, much like liquid, if the bottle was shaken then there would be spillage.

Truth told; they’d had some difficulties with previous performances.

The first performance of Sleeping Beauty had left the majority of the audience passed out in their red velvet chairs while thickets of thorns grew up from the stage floor, encompassing the dancers. Nesta had to hack through several vines to reach her dressing room to grab her apartment keys.

The Snow Queen last Solmas followed suit. Viviane had been their prima ballerina that year and was in her utmost element. That had been the worst winter Velaris had ever experienced with uncharacteristic heavy snowfalls and biting frosts. The less said about the temporary missing children and ominous women in sleighs, the better.

Aside from when Eris turned actual rats into human sized dancers and the whole city was put into a three-day long lockdown while fae exterminators went to work, The Nutcracker was going fairly well.

Magic whirled the audience through each act and they heard and tasted and smelt everything being shown to them. Music would drift into their ears as performers danced fluidly across the stage. Some of the audience sobbed, overcome by the magic which sank into their skin.

The experience took some time to get used to if you were human. The first time Nesta had performed ballet in Velaris she was dizzy with nausea and slick with sweat. Now she even managed to use some of her own dormant abilities to counter the effects, or even to add in some of her own.

Before the evening performance began, her phone beeped with a message from Feyre.

Can’t wait to see you dance! Catch up with you afterwards!

Nesta groaned. She’d agreed to go for a drink at the in-house bar with Feyre and the rest but now she wished she was going straight home.

The stage melted away from the dance before hers into Nesta’s scenery as she waited in the wings for her cue. She eyed up the boxes, knowing Rhys had sponsored one for Feyre but didn’t have a clue which one.

The Illyrian dance had a sparse stage, to demonstrate the Illyrian steppes but the painted backdrop was one of Ramiel, the revered Illyrian mountain. Despite the sparsity, the set pulsed with a dry heat; the scent of crackling wood fire and spice filling the air, the sensation of warm winds tickling her skin.

When the music started, she danced on, determined to prove to Illyrian eyes in the audience she would do it justice.

Nesta drew on the same magic which ran in Feyre and Elain’s bones, the same magic Feyre had permanently etched on the surface of her skin. When Nesta leapt, she cast imaginary wings on her back which carried her further forward and higher. When she pirouetted, she was spinning on ice. Her arms were graceful and her legs sharp.

Nesta formed herself into a blade of dance as she undulated her hips and curved her spine. She swore the heat under her skin caused the air to burn around her.

She finished to rapturous applause and resisted eyeing up the boxes again although she wanted to know if any particular hands were clapping.

In the wings Gwyn was waiting and handed her a towel and Nesta realised she was glistening with sweat, droplets highlighting her cleavage.

“Very nice,” Gwyn said, clapping. “A small fire broke out in one of the stalls.”

Before Nesta said anything, Eris walked by with a low whistle. “Great performance, Nesta. I now have a raging boner.”

The women shrieked in disgust and Nesta threw her towel at him. “Animal.”

Eris grinned, “You know it” and his eyes shone as he caught the towel. Nesta made a mental note to ask Elain for more rowan to put around her dressing room door.

Nesta watched the rest of the performances from the wings until curtain close. Usually she never dawdled, always wanting to remove her costume and dress into civilian clothes as quick as possible but tonight she took her time, idly drawing out each minute until she couldn’t avoid her fate forever.

Audience members with children, fae or human often left first, clearing the way for those who wanted to remain behind in the theatre bar. When the fae discovered alcohol a new set of problems arose. Regardless of what species you were, once you were drunk you did stupid things.

The bar was below ground level and took up a vast amount of space. Overstuffed seating was positioned around tables in compartments, each draped with their own set of thick, crimson red curtains with gold tassels. If the occupants wanted privacy, then they had it.

Nesta shimmied past groups; fae, human and mixed, who laughed and clinked their champagne flutes, none recognising her as a dancer they’d watched earlier.

Feyre was likely to have a private booth booked along with the theatre box as Rhys had so much gold he likely melted it down and bathed in it. The last time Nesta met up with Feyre, her little sister had been wearing a diamond encrusted corset top.

Ahead of her stood two figures, both leaning against the open fronted bar and deep in conversation. Cassian and Azriel. No one was able to miss them even if they tried to blend in. Illyrians were known for their size and their wings and not exactly known for their love of ballet.

Almost as though he sensed her arrival, Cassian stopped talking and turned, strands of his black hair falling from his messy bun. Her eyes met his and she felt how she always did whenever they glanced at each other – a little bit anxious, a little bit horny and a little bit excited.

Nesta was worried if she opened her mouth, a thousand butterflies would float upwards from her stomach.

The look on his face, one she couldn’t place, slipped into something familiar as she drew nearer. Cassian smirked at her and followed it up with a slow, obvious glance from head to toe.

“Hello, Nesta.” He drawled his words, husky and deep. His voice was a baritone which always had her itching to dance across his words. Illyrian magic wasn’t the strongest but those who wielded it were.

What Illyrians wielded their magic for was anyone’s guess but if she had to, Nesta would have guessed it was for making panties drop if the turning heads of the crowd and little sighs was any indication.

There had been occasions where she too was driven with the need to show him more skin of hers then he deserved, to beg him to lay her down and cover her body in honey before licking it off with rasps of his tongue.

Must have been magic.

“Cassian,” she said with barely a nod and turned to his companion. “Azriel.”

Azriel nodded back a polite hello while Cassian leant against the bar directly facing her, wearing a grin as sharkish as Gwyn’s. She was like a lamb on the ground being circled by a taloned beast.

“Interesting performance.”

Azriel coughed at Cassian’s words, spluttering on the beer he was drinking and Nesta frowned, heat flooding her cheeks. Was he mocking her?

If he was, she wouldn’t give his smugly handsome self the satisfaction of getting to her and instead she ignored his words asking who else was here and where her sister was.

“Feyre, Rhys, Az and me. Amren came to watch the ballet but didn’t stay for drinks.”

“And where’s my sister and Rhys now?”

Cassian jerked his head over to the direction of the compartments. “They’re having a private ‘conversation’ behind closed curtains.”

Nesta’s face twisted in disgust. Fucking fae. Always fucking.

“Why didn’t Amren stay?”

“She never sticks around after The Nutcracker. Says it’s derogatory and insulting and she only comes to refill her well of rage.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, what was it she said Az? That the performances were brimming with cultural appropriation?”

The heat on Nesta’s cheeks turned into furnace. It wasn’t as though Cassian explicitly referred to Nesta’s performance but his words had to crawled under her skin. Feyre’s fae friends weren’t fans of Nesta’s, not after Rhys had spilled to them everything Feyre had told him.

For a group so ancient, they acted like spoilt human teenagers. Nesta would take the high road and try and find dignity in silence.

The bartender brought out another beer for Azriel and a glass of dark liquor for Cassian. A glass of wine from the Rosehall vineyard was handed to her and she was surprised someone had the foresight to order for her before she arrived, and with her favourite drink.

“Did you not like it then?” Nesta asked after taking a sip, her voice light. Azriel coughed again and this time Cassian shot him a glare, his rough-hewn face growing solemn before sliding into his more casual expression.

“There were some authentic Illyrian steps involved which is impressive. Didn’t realise old Eris had it in him.”

“It wasn’t Eris,” Nesta said, “It was me. I found an Illyrian choreographer in the city and she taught me some steps.”

Cassian’s face stilled for a moment, motionless like stone before letting out a roaring laugh which reverberated around the bar. The lesser fae behind him jumped and splashed his drink on the counter, quivering in fright.

“Well, that explains it!”

Nesta’s flesh prickled, her skin chilling in the overly warm bar. Goodness knows what she’d been dancing. Some dance of self-mockery probably. Her throat was burning and she didn’t understand whether she was upset because she thought Emerie liked her or upset because Cassian had seen.

Nesta’s fingers clenched the stem of the wine glass and she took a gulp of her drink, downing almost half as her hand wavered and her eyes watered. Cassian immediately stopped grinning.

“It was a beautiful dance,” Azriel said from her right and she turned to him, his face serious. “Other performances of The Nutcracker have the Illyrian dance as the violent, hostile war dance. Yours was the best one I’ve seen. Cassian liked it very much.”

Nesta whispered her thanks, looking between the Illyrians standing at either side of her who were now glaring at each other. She was out-flanked next to their bulk and she wished her sister was done doing whatever the hell she was doing so Nesta could say her hellos and goodbyes and get out of there.

“There’s only one Illyrian choreographer in this city,” Cassian said, his voice softer as his fingers trailed around his glass rim. “No other Illyrian would ever bother with this place.”

Nesta looked around the theatre at its gilded gold décor and red curtains but somehow knew Cassian was referring to Velaris as a whole. Illyrians never came to the city to visit, let alone live.

She glanced at him and found his smile was gentler and his hazel eyes, which always bordered on lascivious, were kinder somehow. Perhaps he hadn’t meant to mock her, perhaps he realised his raucous laughter had hurt.

He had no reason to care if he’d hurt her feelings and she shouldn’t have cared either but there had been a sting to his words which sunk deeper than she’d liked. She wasn’t opposed if he wanted to soothe over his words.

But she wasn’t about to let him know that. Instead, she fixed a bored expression onto her face. “Oh,” she said, looking into her glass as she swirled her wine around, “and who would that be?”

Cassian, still leaning against the bar, mirrored her by looking into his own glass before taking a sip.

“A friend of mine from the old country moved here a couple of years ago because her attempt at bringing ballet into the township was less than successful. You know her human name as Emerie.”

Cassian was still leaning against the bar, now looking into his own deep amber coloured liquid before taking a sip.

Nesta’s head snapped up to find Cassian now looking intently at her. “Yes, that’s her.”

“Figured,” Cassian said with a chuckle and took another long sip.

His mood seemed less jovial than before, more pensive and Nesta glanced around to discover Azriel had gone from her side. She looked around the crowds but didn’t see sight of him. How she lost an Illyrian of his stature she didn’t know but when she whipped her head around to the booth Cassian gestured towards earlier, the curtains were still closed.

She didn’t even have it in her to be irritated. The whole night was a wash-out and because of the stupid enchanted horse incident earlier closing streets, she was now adding additional time to her walk home.

“Well, then,” she said. “It’s been a long day and I’m tired; I have another two performances tomorrow and I want to head out and avoid any festive idiots.”

Cassian stood upright, alert and facing her, his glass sloshing the liquid violently as he placed it back onto the bar a little too hard. His wings flexed. “You haven’t seen Feyre yet.”

“If Feyre wanted to catch up with me then she wouldn’t be playing hide the fae penis with her boyfriend right now.” Her tone was sharp and she glared at Cassian. “It doesn’t take much to say a quick hello to your sister.”

Did Nesta care if Cassian thought her rude? Not a fucking bit. Despite Elain living an hour outside the city and Feyre only living on the other side, a journey which took less than a minute travelling by Winnow Express, Feyre was the sister Nesta saw the least.

“If she comes out at any point,” Nesta continued, “tell her I’ll call her.”

It wasn’t a lie when she said she was tired. Two performances a day took it out of her let alone when magic clung in the air at Solmas and let alone the fact that Nesta had used a tiny amount of her own as some kind of performance enhancer.

Whatever energy reserves she had was depleted, the glass of wine making her feel like she’d drank the entire bottle.

Nesta didn’t bother saying goodbye to Cassian, just left her empty glass on the counter and spun around.

Being a ballerina was on her side as she wove through the crowd and up into the foyer which was blissfully empty. Sadly, the world outside the doors was not so much and Nesta took a breath before wrapping herself in her stole.

The statues guarding the entrance waved her a goodbye, one with a human Santa hat adorning its head and the other with a fae garland wrapped around its waist. Nesta rolled her eyes. Human and fae decorations were put on everything so management could say they’d met their Equal Opportunities criteria.

Nesta stepped onto the pavement and looked down the street of the theatre district.

She couldn’t deny Velaris at night was beautiful.

History books stated the first fae who settled in the city were night dwellers and while they were able to survive in the sun, it was under the starlit sky where they thrived. So, the stories went that they made the night spectacular.

The ink black sky was painted with whorls of galaxies and splashed with stars. At first glance everything appeared white but when Nesta looked closer it was clear they were silver and gold and the purest, palest blue.

Feyre had once told her fae eyes saw more colours than humans and the stars were a multitude of colours – the rainbow and beyond. One of Feyre’s tattoos was designed to allow her to see what the fae saw.

The theatre district was still buzzing with humans and fae alike. Because of the nature of the city, it was usual for the streets to be filled until the early hours of the morning and after any performance in the theatre district there was no time for relaxing.

There was always residual magic left over from the ballet. The ballet theatre was the largest of the theatre buildings and so the magic started strongest at the end Nesta now stood before dissipating the further away you walked.

Snowflakes and flowers alike drifted down from the empty, cloudless sky. The Waltz of the Snowflakes and the Waltz of the Flowers often combatted against each other for prominence in their audience’s minds and refused to give in to each even after the show was done.

Thankfully, the Land of the Sweets didn’t involve themselves in this battle. They had done one performance many weeks ago and when chocolate rained from the sky it was delightful. Boiling hot coffee? Not so much.

Nesta navigated her way though the cobbles and crowds as petals landed in her hair and snowflakes melted on her eyelashes. She heaved a sigh of relief when she made it to the end past the gathered individuals who spilled out of the smaller theatres and theatre bars.

She turned left to go into a side street and stopped, almost tripping over her own feet.

Leaning against the wall, silhouetted against the streetlamps and fae lights was the hulking shape of an Illyrian.

“What are you-? How did you-?”

Cassian laughed as he used his elbow to propel himself from the wall and stride towards her. “What am I doing here and how did I get here so fast?”

“Well... yeah.”

“Wings,” he said, jabbing his thumbs in the direction behind him. “They come in useful from time to time. I thought I would fly you home.”

Nesta eyed up the wings behind him, remembering all the news reports of Illyrian Air. “No thank you, I like the walk.”

“Ok, then I’ll walk with you. Make sure you get home safe.”

She frowned. Nesta had lived in this city all her life and despite the occasional fae related incident which was brought on by personal vendetta, unavoidable prophecy from birth or magic spell gone wrong, Velaris was a safe place.  

It also helped that Nesta had that splash of fae blood herself and a glare which froze bones. Literally. There had been an incident with an ex-boyfriend but she’d filed an explanation with the police and it was never brought up again.  

“I’m fine,” she said. “I don’t need babysitting.”

“I know you don’t but I’d still like to walk you. Please.” The last word was said so softly she almost didn’t hear it but she caught the imploration.

Cassian stepped further into the light of a streetlamp, a few pale pink petals falling from his shoulders, desperation in his eyes.

Nesta sighed. “Fine, but I’m on the other side of the Sidra. The quickest route is over Mermaid Bridge.”

Cassian paused for a moment, “Mermaid Bridge? There won’t be any actual mermaids on it right?”

“Not at this time of year, the water’s too cold and they travel south.”

“Thank god, one of my ex’s was a mermaid. They are terrifying.”

Nesta shook her head, not able to imagine a creature of his size being scared of anything. They started walking in companionable silence. The further away from the city centre they strode, the more the crowds thinned.

Some shops remained open, including the café Nesta sat in earlier and groups had gathered around tables to laugh over mugs of frothy hot chocolate which overflowed with cream. Cinnamon, gingerbread, and candy cane scented the air.

As they walked, humans and fae alike paled when they crossed paths with Cassian and many darted out of his way. One lesser fae flattened himself against the red brick wall while another gave a quiet yelp and ran down an alley.

Nesta glanced up at Cassian but either he was pretending he didn’t notice the running onlookers or he didn’t care.

“What do you do?” she asked. She knew nothing about any of Feyre’s friends in any detail. “For that matter what do any of you do?”

Cassian laughed. “Rhys has a lot of inherited wealth, Amren trades precious stones – we think from the old dragon mines, and no one has a clue what Azriel does. I’m a bounty hunter.”

Oh.

“Caught anyone I’d have heard of?”

“Heard of the Tooth Fairy?”

Nesta grimaced, quickly swooping her tongue over her teeth. “Yes.”

“He was one of mine. So was the Bone Carver, the Weaver and Lanthys.”

Nesta’s eyebrows shot up. “Lanthys? The gold miner? What did he do? Wait, I don’t want to know. He asked me out once.”

Cassian glanced over at her; his own eyebrows raised. “Yeah? Did you say yes?”

Nesta pulled a face. “Good grief, no. He kept sending me telepathic dick pics. It’s bad enough being sent dick pics across dating apps.”

They approached Mermaid Bridge, which was, as Nesta said, devoid of the creature it was named for. Lights twinkled on the other side of the city, the residential side where Nesta lived. There were shrieks of delight further up the river in the dark and Nesta wondered if Gwyn was ice-diving next to Viviane’s ice rink.

Cassian coughed. “You’re on dating apps?”

“Not many, I thought I’d give them a go. My sisters are busy, I only have a few friends and I need something other than work in my life.”

“Yeah, I understand. ‘All work and no play’ make Cassian a dull boy too. The play part of life is fun,” he looked at her from the side of his eye and winked.

Nesta felt the blush spread across her cheeks and she willed it down with whatever force she had left. She wasn’t a virgin so she wasn’t about to start blushing like one.

They climbed the steps to the bridge and walked across. Of all the bridges which connected the two halves of the city, this was Gwyn’s favourite. Nesta’s human eyes couldn’t pick out the colours at night but in the day the railings glittered gold and shimmered with turquoise gems.

“Do you date?” The words slipped out before she stopped them. “You mentioned a mermaid ex so....”

Cassian’s laugh was more a breath and he started to smooth down non-existent knots in his hair. “Yes. Well...no. I did but work is busy and I’m sort of interested in someone and I guess until I purge them from my system, I’m not interested in anyone else.”

“How long have you been interested in them?”

“A while.”

“Why don’t you ask them out rather than eradicate them from your options?”

Nesta wanted to slap herself in the face. Or pitch herself off the bridge into the black, ice-cold water. Even as she was speaking, she wanted to not be but it was as though her mouth and mind had fallen out and no longer wanted anything to do with each other.

Cassian shrugged, “I guess. They just never struck me as someone interested in dating fae.”

They came to the end of the bridge and Nesta looked upwards at the sky. On this side of the river without the city lights, the stars were clearer to her eyes, more defined. One shot across the sky.

“You should go for it,” Nesta said, “you might be surprised.”

“Maybe,” Cassian sighed. “She’s kind of intimidating though.”

“You’re over six foot tall with massive wings and can use magic. I’m sure you’re more intimidating.”

“Me? Nah, I’m sure she thinks I’m an oversized bat.”

Nesta cringed. Those had been her words once a couple of years ago when she was first introduced to Feyre’s new friendship group and the Illyrian’s within. She didn’t think they’d heard her say it but then again, fae hearing was something exceptional along with fae sight.

The streets they walked were now quieter, the hustle and bustle of the inner-city gone. The chill settled in easier on this side of the river and Nesta knew she’d wake to frost across her window panes in the morning.

They were silent until they reached her apartment building, halfway up one of the steepest lanes. It was a small four storey which wasn’t spacious or modern but it gave her brilliant view across the river and Velaris and most importantly, it was hers.

“This is me,” she said, stopping outside the steps leading to the red entrance door. “Thank you for walking me back.” It was on the tip of her tongue to invite Cassian in for coffee but she held back.

He smiled, his eyes warm and shining. “Honestly it was my pleasure.” He leant forward, the sheer bulk of him covering Nesta and for a moment she thought he would kiss her but instead he took her slim fingered hand in his larger one and brought it up to his mouth, kissing the back of her hand.

“Goodnight,” he said, “I hope you have a good Solmas Day when it comes.”

Cassian was no ballet dancer but he sure moved like one, letting go of her hand and swivelling to face the direction they’d walked in from, marching down the slope of her street while Nesta stared at his retreating back.

He was clad in black and would have easily blended into his surroundings if not for the red jewels he wore at his wrists.

Nesta gaped down at the back of her hand, her mouth open. She still felt his lips, warm and soft, on her skin.

“Wait!”

Cassian turned back to face her, tilting his head.

“I’m sorry if my performance in the ballet was offensive.  I know Azriel said it was beautiful and that you liked it but if that was a lie to save my feelings, it’s ok. I went to Emerie because I wanted to make it authentic. I should have left it alone.”

Cassian smiled but it wasn’t mocking. He took a few steps back up the street towards her. “You know I said Emerie was a friend from the old country?”

Nesta nodded.

“She’s a really good friend. I like her a lot. She’s no nonsense with a great heart. I was trying to set her up with Rhys’ cousin Mor and in the process we got talking about dating and relationships and she asked if there was anyone, I was interested in. As it happens, I discovered this evening that she knows the person I was talking about. I’m sure she saw this as her opportunity to do some matchmaking of her own.”

“Oh,” Nesta said, her throat dry.

“Yeah. I also happened to tell her in one conversation I would be watching The Nutcracker this year on account of it being Solmas. So, there you go.”

The butterflies were flittering in Nesta’s stomach again and Cassian’s words were taking shape in her mind and building a story. “The steps Emerie taught me for the Illyrian dance – was that an invitation?”

Cassian’s smile stretched wide and he tilted his head back and laughed, the dark column of his throat shining in the starlight. “Oh yes, a very specific invitation. Emerie must have had the day of her life when she pieced everything together.”

The flittering in her stomach was now pooling in her chest. This type of conversation should have her fleeing up the steps and racing through the foyer until she threw herself into her cold bed to hide under the covers.

Nesta wanted to know what she’d inadvertently done without meaning to. Not that she minded whatever it was she’d done.

“What did I dance then, Cassian?” Her voice was lower than usual and rich like the overflowing cream in the café.

Cassian’s throat bobbed as he swallowed, his hazel eyes were almost black. “The dance you performed half naked on a heated stage was most definitely an invitation, Nesta.” He smiled at her again, soft like before but there was something behind it. Suddenly he was a wolf and she the lamb again. He was all claws and teeth and animal.

A shiver of anticipation ran through her. Her pulse beating in her throat, drawing Cassian’s eye.

“Oh, Nesta,” Cassian said, his voice almost a growl. “You performed an Illyrian dance of seduction.”

[crimziedrawings]

I had a Elorcan story that I was really excited about but I've been too busy to actually write it so here, have the outline I created instead. It's a bit choppy, I had the fine details in my head and the outline was just to contain the general points.

The Dead Gods' Blessing (an Elorcan story)

Chapter 1

• Elide/Lorcan wake up, blissfully

• Elide reminds Lorcan that Aelin/Rowan/Fenrys/Vaughn (the gang) are visiting, he is not happy

• Lorcan makes Elide breakfast while she is bathing as a surprise

• They talk about the baby and baby names

• ~ They meet the gang outside the front door because Elide is so excited

• Lorcan's fae-male-protective-bullshit comes out

• Fenrys smirks, Rowan looks a little sad

• Elide reveals the plan for a picnic

• ~They go down to a creek nearby with a nice view

• Elide has to go to the bathroom since the baby is pushing on her bladder

• Chapter ends with Elide screaming

Chapter 2

• Lorcan and the gang runs after Elide

• They don't see her but Vaughn finds blood

• Lorcan freaks out

• Suddenly they see something move and run after it

• A creature has Elide

• They chase it down to a cliff

• The creature scrambles to stop but ultimately falls off

• Lorcan screams and tries to follow

• The Cadre holds him back

• Aelin looks down at the cliff and spots the monster impaled by the rocks, notices a human hand underneath

• Lorcan manages to get away and crawls to the edge, seeing the same as Aelin

• He screams and cries

• The rocks give way and it falls into the water

• Rowan tries to comfort him but fails as Lorcan's grief is so overwhelming that he loses control of his powers

• Aelin tries to use the bond to make Lorcan stop but is interrupted by a whisp of darkness (Lorcan's power)

• Rowan, Aelin, and Vaughn join forces to create a shield around Lorcan

• *Fenrys pov

• It last a long time unless Lorcan passes out

Chapter 3

• Lorcan wakes up in his bed

• He feels heavy and looks over for Elide

• She's not there and he remembers what happened

• He doesn't want to believe it, refuses to and starts to lose control again

• Someone comes in and injects him with something, and all of a sudden he passes out again

• ~ He wakes up again to find Rowan besides him, with red trimmed eyes and looking like a mess

• Lorcan begs "Please... Please tell me it wasn't real, I can't-"

• Rowan reaches over and grasp his shoulder, sad for his brother and says "I'm sorry"

• Lorcan continues to cry and Rowan stays with him

• Lorcan asks "How did you do this? How did you go on, please tell me how"

• Rowan replies "I didn't. I can't ever forget what happened. I spent some time in disbelief. There was a moment where I knew it was the end and I couldn't handle that. I was so close... But then someone showed up at my door. Nearly broke my door, as I recall. He told me that it's gonna hurt but I need to keep going and fight. It's what she would want. You saved me, Lorcan"

• Lorcan says "I was wrong. I did not understand what it was to be in your place. The pain, the loss, it... you lose yourself"

• Rowan says "No, you were right. Because everyday it became a little easier to breathe to the point where I found myself again. In Aelin. I am eternally grateful for your appearance because I got to meet Aelin, my real mate"

• Lorcan screams "there is no one else! There will never be anyone else! Elide is it for me, she will always be the only one. I can't do this, Rowan... it feels like all the air has been taken from me and I can't catch a breath. Elide was all that was good of me. I'm barely alive without her. And barely alive is just suffocating..."

• Rowan looks sad

• Lorcan "And I was going to be a father"

Chapter 4

• Rowan walks in to see Lorcan still in bed (he smells)

• Rowan says he need to get out of bed, he has a city to run

• Lorcan basically has given up

• Rowan talks about how it's Elide's home and his home now too so he has to get up. He also says that he is staying in Perranth for a while.

• Lorcan says he doesn't need a babysitter but gets up anyways

• He goes to take a shower and comes out to open curtains and windows, a made bed, and his clothes laid out

• He knows it was Rowan and rolls his eyes

• He gets changed and looks in the mirror, catching a glance at his ring

• He starts hurting again, but decides to go on "for you, my loves. For both of you..."

• *Rowan's pov*

• Rowan is sad for his brother but is proud of him for making that big step

• He called for a town meeting in the castle's front grounds and is watching as Lorcan steps forward on the balcony

• Lorcan announces that Elide is dead and that he will continue to build Perranth if they will have him

• The town bows, as a sign of acceptance and for Elide

• Rowan knows it's going to be hard being away from Aelin for a while but Fenrys and Vaughn are there, and his brother needs him

Chapter 5

• It is 2 and a half months later

• *Fenrys pov*

• Aelin, Fenrys and Vaughn visit again

• Fenrys and Vaughn walk in first because Aelin got distracted by some cake

• They ask Rowan how Lorcan is, he says that he has his moments but he's been strong for Perranth

• Aelin walks in and there's an explosive reunion between the two so they go off, presumably to a bedroom

• Fenrys and Vaughn walk to the library to find Lorcan there

• They try to talk but Lorcan doesn't want to talk about it

• He instead asks why they're there

• Fenrys responds that they wanted to see their brother

• Lorcan asks for the truth

• Fenrys reveals that they have a mission and that they can't protect Aelin while on the mission so she's staying in Perranth for a while

• Lorcan isn't happy

• ~ Rowan is happy to have Aelin back

• They stumble out of a closet

• Fenrys and Vaughn are distraught as they see this

• They say they're leaving

• Rowan and Aelin wish them luck

Chapter 6

• Fenrys and Vaughn are riding through the mountains

• They talk about Lorcan

• Vaughn recalls how surprised he was to hear that Lorcan was married

• Fenrys responds that he missed a lot and tries to get info on where Vaughn was all this time, but he still won't tell

• Fenrys talks about how good Elide is and how happy Lorcan was with her and about being a dad

• "Out of all of us, he deserves that peace the most"

• Vaughn announces that he spotted the cave entrance, the one that the anonymous tip gave

• They tie up their horses and prepare, then go inside

• They go in further and eventually come across different paths so they decide to split up

• Fenrys scouts the hallways for a while, passing numerous rooms

• He hears footsteps so he ducks into a room quickly

• He freezes and waits for the footsteps to pass

• He exhales, is relieved, but then a voice startles him

• "What do you want"

• He swirls around, seeing darkness

• Then a candle is lit, and his eyes start to adjust

• "Fenrys? Is that you?"

• Fenrys cannot believe what he is seeing "Elide?"

Chapter 7

• Elide is happy to see Fenrys

• Fenrys is confused as to how she is alive, they saw her body being impaled and crushed

• Elide explains that the creature had another person in its hold-after all, it had 6 arms, and that she was dropped while the creature was running

• Elide understands how they could've believed she was dead

• She asks how Lorcan is

• Fenrys responds that he's breathing but only to run Perranth, for her

• Elide is sad

• Fenrys asks how she got there

• Elide says that after the creature dropped her and she passed out when she hit her head, she was found by some travelers. They took her to their home in the mountains and cared for her. They were behind on some debts and were taken, the people assumed Elide was one of them and took her as well, next thing she knows she is in this dark room alone

• Fenrys asks if she's ready to go home

• Elide is nearly crying, nodding

• He goes to check the hallways and when he turns back, Elide is wrapping a scrap piece of fabric around one shoulder, it slinging around her small frame

• Fenrys finds it weird but shrugs it off

• Then Elide is bending behind the bed and picking something up, putting it into the fabric so that it is held up

• Elide walks over to Fenrys, ready to go

• His breath catches as he sees that it's a baby

• "His name is Ragnar"

Chapter 8

• Fenrys is speechless, struck dumb at the realization that he didn't even consider the survival of the child. The first thing that comes to his mind is "its a boy?"

• Elide chuckles softly and responds with yes

• Fenrys is reminded of the situation and checks the hallway before pulling Elide behind him

• They manage to get out safely and go back to the horses

• They realize they have to wait for Vaughn

• Elide figures they have some time to kill and looks down fondly at Ragnar and says "do you want to meet your uncle fenrys?"

• Fenrys is near tears when he hears her

• Elide asks "do you want to hold him"

• Fenrys is hesitant but Elide assures him that it will be fine, he won't bite

• Fenrys is amazed at how light and small he is. Also how beautiful. He definitely looks like Lorcan.

• Elide ask for water, Fenrys says that its in the pack around the horse

• Vaughn comes back and stops when he sees Fenrys and the baby

• ".... did you steal a baby?"

• Fenrys looks up and smiles

• Vaughn is confused but then he sees Elide coming around the horse

• He is in disbelief, and his confusion of the baby is resolved when Fenrys hands him back to Elide

• Fenrys says he'll explain later, they have to get them home

Chapter 9

• *Elide's pov*

• Long ride, thinking of her time and much she misses Lorcan

• Vaughn was able to go a little faster as Fenrys did not want to harm Ragnar, only a mile ahead or so

• Because of that, when Fenrys and Elide arrived, Vaughn was already searching for Lorcan in the castle

• Elide hands Ragnar to Fenrys and slides down the horse

• Aelin and Rowan were in the nearby garden so they came out at all the commotion

• Aelin cries when she sees Elide and runs to hold her

• They are both crying

• Elide looks over and sees Rowan then goes to hug him

• She pulls back, looks at them both and says "would you like to meet your nephew?"

• Aelin gasps as Fenrys steps forward with Ragnar

• Fenrys looks at Elide and she nods

• Rowan has tears in his eyes as Fenrys hands Ragnar to him

• The front door burst open and suddenly Lorcan is there, panting

• Elide sobs as she sees him and start making her way toward him

• Lorcan runs to her and they meet halfway

• Lorcan picks her up and holds her, small kisses in between words

• Lorcan "Elide, Elide"

• Elide "I've missed you so much"

• Lorcan "It's really you"

• Elide "Yes, yes, it's me"

• Lorcan "I love you so fucking much, you are never allowed to leave my sight, ever"

• They share a big kiss and both have tears running down their faces

• Lorcan "I was so lost without you"

• Elide "You seem to have found your way just fine"

• Lorcan "No... I kept going, for Perranth, for you... but I broke down everyday"

• Elide is speechless, "Lorcan..."

• Lorcan "Now that you're here, I can finally breathe again"

• Another kiss

• Lorcan rests with his eyes closed, breathing in her scent

• Elide "Do you want to see your son?"

• Lorcan's breath catches as his eyes shoot open. He takes a few stuttering breaths before asking "I have a son?"

• He looks over at Rowan who is now standing a few feet away

• Rowan is smiling down at the babe

• Elide walks over and takes Ragnar from Rowan, then walks back to Lorcan

• Lorcan is barely breathing at this point

• Elide places Ragnar into Lorcan's arms

• Lorcan "My son"

• Elide steps closer and says "I've named him Ragnar"

• L "My Ragnar"

• Ragnar opens his eyes at Lorcan

Chapter 10 (Final Chapter)

• Elide and Lorcan are laying in bed with Ragnar in the middle

• Elide and Ragnar are asleep, Lorcan is not

• Lorcan gazed lovingly at his son

• Elide wakes up and sees that Lorcan is awake

• Elide "you need to get some sleep"

• Lorcan "I can't"

• There's a look

• Lorcan "I've had many dreams like this, where you come back and we have our child and we are finally a family... but then I wake up. And it kills me every time"

• Elide reaches over to rest her hand above his, which is resting lightly on Ragnar's stomach "this is real, my love"

• Lorcan looks at Ragnar and decides that it is real, because even his dreams could not picture his son being so beautiful

• He is reminded of how he felt when she told him he was pregnant, and how his fears ranged throughout her pregnancy

• Then he remembers that she went through childbirth alone and is heartbroken and angry

• Lorcan "I am so sorry"

• Elide "For what?"

• Lorcan "You brought our son into this world by yourself"

• Elide has a moment and then says "It was hard. But I kept hearing your voice, telling me to stay strong so that we could- so that we could be a family. In a way, you were there"

• Lorcan grabs her hand and kisses it as not to disturb Ragnar

• Elide whispers "I love you" before drifting off to sleep

• Lorcan kisses Ragnar's head and strokes Elide's hand as he says "I love you too"

• He falls asleep

• ~ Lorcan wakes up to find Elide and Ragnar gone and starts freaking out, thinking it truly was a dream again

• Then Elide walks out of the bathroom, holding Ragnar to her chest

• He sighs in relief

• Elide says to Ragnar "Look who's awake"

• Elide settles into bed next to Lorcan

• Lorcan kisses Elide deeply, the fear that had pulsed through his body still causing him to think irrationally

• Lorcan "it wasn't a dream"

• Elide "I told you"

• Lorcan smiles and looks down at Ragnar "and how's my boy?"

• Ragnar is looking around the room and his eyes rest on Lorcan, then his arms reach out towards him

• Elide "I think he wants his papa"

• Lorcan takes Ragnar from Elide as she say that she's going to take a bath

• Elide "Tonight, Aelin and Rowan are going to watch Ragnar"

• Lorcan "What? Why?" He just got his son, and he wants to spend time with him

• Elide "Because we have a lot of catching up to do" she winks and pulls her nightgown off before walking into the bathroom

• Lorcan is left staring after her, thanking the universe, the dead gods, whatever the hell is out there for this moment, for his family

[kingandfireheart]

What is it that you want, Elain?

Summary: This story is about Elain and Azriel talking about the events of the bonus scene and Elain processing her progress in the Night Court. There isn't much resolution, but it was fun to get into Elain's head for a little.

Words: 2,500ish

My money would be on you happens before this - if you're interested in seeing Azriel processing.

Elain walked on to the verdana of the House of Wind. Nesta and Cassian had insisted on hosting their weekly “family dinner” after returning from their honeymoon. She enjoyed the dinner and conversation, relaxed to see her sisters together and safe. For a long time, Elain had mourned her loss of home, her humanness, but in the last year, she had begun to embrace the fact that her sisters were happy.

Feyre had found her place in the Night Court before Elain had even become High Fae. She had Rhysand, she had Mor’s friendship, and she had her role as High Lady. Nesta took considerably longer to warm up to their new home, but she too had a place - she had friends now - the Illyrian female, and one of the priestesses, a role in the court as a Valkyrie and emissary, and love with Cassian. Elain felt a small pang of envy for what her sisters had. She had befriended Nuala and Cerrdiwen, she passed her time gardening throughout Velaris, and she enjoyed being with the odd family that was the Night Court’s inner circle. Still, Elain felt that something was missing, which had brought her onto the verdana, away from the loud conversations in the family room.

She always loved this view of Velaris. So far up from the city, she felt like her problems may just disappear. Elain also enjoyed the cool breeze of a spring night - she hadn’t brought a coat after spending the day in the sun, but the way the wind bit into her was freeing and calming. She sat down on a bench that Nesta must have added recently, and as if the house had anticipated her needs, a cup of tea had appeared next to her. “Thank you,” she said to the House. Nesta had explained that the house is somewhat responsive to commands, and she didn't want to be rude.

When she had excused herself from the dining room, dinner had devolved into discussing the Autumn Court. Cassian had said “Compared to Eris, Lucien is a saint, loveable even.” Adding, “If you’re into courtiers with a stick up their ass, that is” he said. Nesta had elbowed him for that, clearly knowing that Elain was trying to not look uncomfortable.

Feyre was retelling stories about the Spring Court, which strongly featured her mate who wasn’t her mate, Lucien. Elain had slipped out of the room when Feyre started telling the story about how Tamlin had pushed him into a reflecting pool after Lucien had convinced her to eat some berries that caused hallucinations. She'd heard Lucien and Feyre laughing about it one too many times in the year she had spent in Velaris.

Elain heard steps approaching her, bringing her back to the present. Deliberate steps, since everyone had mastered moving silently, without detection. A deep breath in revealed it was Azriel. Night chilled mist and cedar. That too was deliberate - so as not to startle her of his approach. She turned to find Azriel, predictably clad in his leathers with some shadows swirling around him.

While most family dinners were casual in the state of dress, she rarely saw Azriel or Cassian in anything but their leathers. All three of the brothers had a preference for wearing black at all times - and she couldn’t really fault them. While black seemed to drown out Elain’s features, the Illyrians looked exquisite in black, it brought our their coloring, their ridiculously beautiful features, and their hazel (and in Rhys case, violet) eyes.

That being said, she couldn’t remember the last time she saw any of them wearing a different color, aside from Cassian and Azirel’s siphons. Crimson and Cobalt respectively. She had seen a painting in Feyre’s studio of Azriel’s cobalt siphons against his scarred hands. She always thought they were beautiful, told him as much when she first arrived in Velaris. When she was human, she thought they were ornamental - like jewelry, but then she saw them in use. Azriel had explained that they were ways to channel their otherwise lethal power. That Cobalt power had saved her life from kidnapping, had shielded her from the wind while flying, and patched up a very injured Cassian during the war.

The cold of the wind calmed as she saw Azriel’s blue shields pop up around them. “It’s cold out here”, he stated in his midnight voice that was enough to make strangers swoon. She had seen it in action when she gone to watch Nesta, Feyre, and the priestesses train. The priestesses sighed when he had demonstrated how to shoot an Illyrian bow. Even after all of these months, the effect was not lost on her.

She hadn’t been alone with Azriel since Solstice - they had been keeping their distance for months now. There was something there - some kind of tension, or a pull, but Elain couldn’t quite explain it. She thought she understood on Solstice when he nearly kissed her, but then he pulled away, claiming it was a mistake before disappearing into the shadows. Ever since, their friendship had become polite and cordial, but never more than exchanging pleasantries.

She had learned from watching Azriel that every movement was intentional, and fluid, and graceful. He was predictable and consistent, but still she couldn’t keep herself from watching as he closed the distance between them.

“Are you alright? ”, Azriel asked.

She moved to make room for Azriel on the bench. “I just needed some fresh air to clear my head.” she explained.

“Ah. They can be a lot on a good day, much worse when Cassian breaks out the good wine.” He said, sitting as far away as he possibly could, while folding in his wings. A cup had popped between them, but this one was half full. He picked up the cup and chuckled after taking a sip. She was willing to bet that the contents of the cup was a hell of a lot stronger than her tea.

“It’s not that. I just...” She hesitated, not sure if she was willing to change their current no-depth-relationship. “I haven’t seen Nesta this happy in my whole life. I’m happy for them, It’s just strange.” She half- lied, she knew his shadows would pick up on it, as they likely picked up on the exact moment she had left the room. It was strange, watching Nesta brush Cassian’s hair out of his face, or the way that she laughed at his jokes, or leaned into his chest when they sat next to each other. It was strange to see her sister so unguarded, so comfortable in this new life.

“I could say the same for my brothers.” He said before taking a sip from the cup in his hand. Azriel was usually aloof and distant, rarely letting his emotions show. But something shifted in that cool, beautiful mask of his. “That doesn’t explain why you’re out here on a cold night. Cassian would say to leave the lonely brooding bullshit to me, Elain” He chuckled softly. She loved that sound. His laugh, her name on his lips. She felt her cheeks warm, just slightly and she looked away.

Elain took a deep breath, and an ever deeper sip of her tea. She was nervous. She was nervous about how she felt. She was nervous about letting Azriel in, after she had felt so hurt by his rejection on Solstice. Still, she said what she had been refusing to admit to herself for months now. “I know it sounds petty, but I’m a little jealous.”

“Of Cassian?” He asked incredulously. Again that mask slipped, just slightly as a shadow curled around his shoulders.

“Of their… happiness. I guess. Nesta has Cassian, and Feyre has Rhysand, and I’m just…” She stopped herself. She couldn’t say alone, even though she had probably said too much already. “I know, it’s petty.” Azriel leaned just slightly closer, but wouldn’t meet her eyes.

"I don’t think it’s petty. I understand.” He said softly. He did understand, because he had lived with Rhys and Feyre and Cassian and Nesta after they had accepted their bonds. Part of her hoped it was jealousy - that he hadn’t meant what he had said on Solstice night, that him avoiding her wasn’t personal, that the reason he hadn’t met her gaze when flying her to the House, or the fact that he could not get away fast enough the second he had set her down, meant something. Part of her hoped that he was as jealous of his brothers as she was of her sisters. How funny the six of them would be - three Illyrian warriors, and three Made high fae.

“But, you do have a mate.” he added tightly, as if he was forcing the words out. His wings flared just slightly. A sign of unchecked emotion, if her year of observation was right. She just couldn’t decipher which emotion. Azriel's demeanor was a puzzle she hadn't quite figured out, but she did love trying. Azriel had never mentioned Lucien outside of his role in the courts, he had never pushed her to talk about the bond, had never insinuated she was Lucien's in any way.

She couldn’t stop herself. “That’s not - I don’t want that.” Leaving the rest unsaid, I don’t want Lucien. It was instinct now, to fight the bond. She hadn’t outright rejected it because of the look on Feyre’s face whenever Lucien was in the room, hope. The fact that the mating bond had chosen so well for her sisters.

She could feel Azriel’s gaze on her, could feel his wings, just inches from her shoulder. She knew he wouldn’t touch her - knew that Illyrian wings were sacred and intimate, and that even an intentional brush would mean much more than holding hands, or even a kiss on the cheek. Still, she leaned a little closer to him.

“What is it that you want, Elain?” Her heart jumped at that tone, the softness there, the mention of her name. He set down his now empty cup, and looked at her. The shadows had deepened around him, swirling off of his legs and by her skirts. She looked out onto the view of the city to keep herself from saying the first thing that came to mind: You. She took a breath and made herself look into his hazel eyes - the emeralds standing out in the moonlight.

“Love.” she said quietly enough that he may not have heard her if he hadn’t shielded out the wind. He kept looking at her with that intent but soft gaze she had rarely seen before and had come to savor. Her throat bobbed, but she forced out the words, "I want to be able to choose love." As soon as she said it, she expected him to slip into the shadows, or jump of the verdana. It had happened before - Azriel had a habit of slipping away when things got uncomfortable, but he stayed there, staring at her after she had made such a big confession.

Dangerous. This was dangerous, she reminded herself. Still, she couldn't help but embrace a little bit of danger. “What do you want, Azriel?” She heard herself say. It felt odd to say his name. Not Az, or shadowsinger, as the Amren often called him. There was weight in these words - Azriel was the most aloof member of the Inner Circle, and the least likely to open up, but since he hadn't slipped away just yet...

Azriel tensed only slightly. If she hadn't made a habit of watching him so closely, she wouldn't have noticed. A shadow curled around his ear, as if whispering something. She watched him, knowing full well Azriel was capable of not answering, or holding out for much longer than she was.

“The same thing as you.” He finally confessed, or at least it sounded like a confession - like something else was in those words - longing, pain, desire, guilt?

They stared at each other a long moment - it may have been the first time Azriel’s eye’s were completely unguarded. What she saw there - she wasn’t ready for, it was dangerous, and reckless, and tens kinds of stupid to act on. She did have a mate, who was a perfectly fine male - and they had implicitly decided to take time before dealing with whatever the bond meant. Elain straightened her back, trying to put some distance between them, without closing off this conversation, this connection.

Where did you run off too, Feyre said in her head. I’m sorry I brought up Lucien. Azriel seemed to shift too, as if he too was having a mental conversation with one of the daemati.

Coming she said in her head.

"We should head back in.” She said. They both stood, and Azriel’s icy mask returnEd as if he had just remarked on the weather.

“Thank you.” Elain said, allowing her hand to brush against his, just slightly. “For checking in on me. For being my friend.” She wanted the last word here. She needed to define what this was in un-dangerous terms, to keep him from avoiding her next time, from reading into her why she had pulled away, and to keep herself from kissing his cheek, from wanting more than she ever had a right to ask of him.

He gave her a polite but bland smile that did not reach his eyes. “Don't thank me. That’s what friends are for, right?” He raised his hand as if to cup her cheek, but seemed to reconsider, driving his hands into his pockets.

He dropped his shield of blue and walked back toward the house, as silent and graceful as ever. She was stunned, completely stunned. Azriel had always had that effect on her - taking away her capacity for speech and rational thought.

She gathered the tea cups, using the excuse to take a minute to collect herself before returning to the family room. She sniffed at Azriel’s cup - it most certainly wasn’t tea. Laughing to herself, she walked back into the family room, settling on a sofa between Mor and Rhys . Azriel had already joined Nesta and Feyre on the sofa across from them, holding Nyx as he stretched his tiny wings. Elain's heart fluttered at the sight.

Rhys’s gaze seemed to dart between her and Azriel, but before he could say anything, Mor looked at her, with a conspirators smile. “Next time you want to escape the couples, take me with you instead. I’m way more fun! ” Elain just laughed, nudging Mor with her shoulder.

Azriel chuckled softly from his corner and gave her another smile. This time, Elain returned one of her own.

[secretbondsandloveconfessions]

All Bastards Are Brothers

Just a series of kinda fluffy, kinda angsty one-shots about the brotherly bond between Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel. Stories are not connected.

Ao3:

Part 1: Knowin’ My Fate Is To Be With You

Azriel shows up to dinner one night with a hickey, leaving the Inner Circle full of questions. Rhys and Azriel have a heart to heart.

“Az, what's that?"

Mor asked. He traced her glance back to the crook of his neck where, after a moment of thought, he remembered the dark purple bruise given to him only a few hours before. He quickly covered it up with a wisp of shadow and feigned innocence.

"What's what?"

"On your neck there." She pointed at the shadow. "Was that a bruise?"

"There's nothing there."

"Bullshit, move your shadows."

"I don't think I need to, there's nothing there."

"What's going on down here?" Cassian turned to face them. This could only go downhill from here.

"Azriel has a hickey," Mor said, her voice chipper and mocking.

"I do not."

"Then why won't you show me your neck?"

"Why won't you believe me?" He shot back. He was always ready to accept a challenge, and as Mor stuck her tongue out at him, he did the same.

Cassian watched the two curiously before clearing his throat. "You know, Az, before you go all defensive, you should know you're blushing." Shit. That wasn't good. He could feel his face heat up faster than he anticipated. He didn't dare look at Elain, but he felt her heavy gaze. Her very own blush was likely brushing down her pale skin as she watched him get berated for the mark that she left.

"Fine." Azriel removed his shadows and hissed. "It's a hickey."

"I knew it!" Mor cheered loudly, gaining the rest of the attention of the table. He faced Cassian again, who had a feline smirk. "Who?"

He kept his mouth shut. Any name would be a lie—one that Mor would be able to sense—and he wasn't about to bring Elain down with him.

"Second one this week," Cassian said. "I think Azriel has a side piece."

"Second one?" Mor raised an eyebrow at him, and Azriel wanted to cringe at the memory of the training earlier this week. His face felt hot. If he had blushing before, he had to be scarlet by now, especially after Cassian walked over and pointed to the place between Azriel's wings, causing Mor to squeal with delight.

Azriel had chugged the rest of his wine by the time Cassian sat down again and cursed the Mother for his luck.

"Neck and the wings? I didn't know you had it in you, Azzie," Cassian teased. Azriel weaved the shadows around him further, wondering if he should just winnow away at this point.

"How long has this been going on? Do we know her?" Mor asked. "OH! Is it the female who hit on you at Rita's?"

Azriel kept silent, refusing to answer either of his friends' remarks. Though that only seemed to spur them on more.

"Azzie, she was a hot one, no wonder you kept her for yourself," Cassian followed, and Azriel braced himself as the blonde opened her mouth again, but it never came.

"Alright, leave him alone," Rhys intervened. "He's one snigger away from disappearing into the shadows forever."

Cassian and Mor protested, but he only raised another hand.

"You never stop them from mocking me," Cassian mumbled. "That's all I'm saying."

"You make yourself a target, boy." Amren chimed in.

Mor laughed loudly at that, before pouring both of them another glass. Azriel was thankful for the subconscious reaction and the change of subject.

However, he only got a few moments of peace before he felt Rhys's warm presence ask to enter his mind, and despite his better judgment, Azriel let him in.

I'm impressed. Rhys purred into his brain from the other side of the table.

Fuck you.

More like fuck you if we're going with the evidence.

What do you want?

Let's chat tonight. Rhys vacated his mind, though not without leaving in his mind a picture of Azriel's own face, thoroughly red and sheepish, and a mocking laugh. He knew Rhys wouldn't be his savior tonight.

———

Azriel would be lying if he said he wasn't nervous, so as he knocked on the open door of the study, he pressed his lips together and grimaced.

"You wanted to talk?" Azriel asked.

Rhys nodded, leaning against his desk. "I did, and I do."

Feyre sat next to him, absorbed in a pile of paperwork, and if Azriel was about to have the conversation he thought he was going to have, then he definitely didn't want her there. He sent a pleading look to Rhysand, who, much to his credit, understood. "We'll go out to the balcony."

With a kiss to Feyre's head, his High Lord led him out to the private deck, and the anxiety in Azriel's stomach soared, his shadows swirling around him.

"I'm assuming this is about earlier."

"You're seeing someone," He stated, watching as Azriel nodded. "And I had no idea. You didn't tell any of us, which makes me think that Amren's assessment was true."

"What did Amren say?"

"She muttered something to me about you being the only male she can stand because you hide every aspect of your romances. She was wrong, Az. You've kept them out of the spotlight, but you've never lied about being with them, not like you did tonight. It made me wonder, what makes this one different?" Azriel remained silent, unwilling to answer his brother's question. Luckily, Rhys answered it for him. "I can only think of three reasons why you'd keep the identity of your lover secret."

"I see you've put a lot of thought into this."

"It's not often that you take extra measures with a lover." A valid point. "I want you to be happy, brother, truly, so please don't hide yourself from me—you have a record of doing that, you know. Will you promise me that you won't lie about anything?"

"Will you promise not to tell the others?" Azriel asked him, quietly. "You can tell Feyre, I wouldn't ask you to keep something like this from your mate."

"I swear it on the graves of my mother and sister."

"I won't lie to you then." A fond smile crossed Rhys's face.

"Good, well, I want to make sure this person is worth it, so I'll start by asking, is this secret lover worth putting the strain forward?"

"Yes," was all he could think to say. He didn't trust himself to say anymore. Rhysand's smile got bigger, spilling over into his violet eyes, and Azriel felt himself blush a little once more. Rhys was always the most sentimental out of the three.

"Good. I'm glad they're worth it. Now, I have questions. Number one, you're ashamed of this person."

Azriel looked up in alarm. "Why would I be ashamed?" Cauldron, he would scream it to the entire Night Court that he loved Elain Archeron. The entirety of Prythian if he had to.

"I thought that maybe you had gotten tangled up with someone you shouldn't, like a Spring Court Lady, or a human, or I thought for a long moment, that maybe she wasn't a she after all..." Azriel raised his eyebrow at the last one.

"What?"

"Well, it occurred to me that I didn't know if you took males in bed, and then I started thinking, that if you really hadn't wanted us to know, you could and would hide it very well. I'm not here to judge, but if you say yes, then I feel like this chat will get a little more heartfelt than intended." Rhys rambled on, scratching the back of his neck. Azriel almost pitied him.

"I've never taken a man to bed, Rhys, and I do not plan too."

"Okay, good because I was lousy at talking to Mor about that."

"...and she's not lesser fae either."

"All right then, number two: is this a protective 'She's my mate' scenario?"

"No, I don't think we're mates."

"Are you sure?"

"Most people don't find their mates, Rhys," Azriel reminded him, masking the annoyance in his voice. Just because both he and Cassian found their mates didn't mean they all would.

"True. Number three: she's someone we know. In that case, my only question is how sweet, flower growing Elain is able to bruise an Illyrian."

Azriel gaped at him, demanding. "How?"

"The only person redder than you at dinner, which, by the way, was the highlight of this decade, was dear sweet Elain. Feyre told me that she thought Elain too innocent to hear it. I didn't quite think so."

"Are you going to have this little chat with her also?"

"Oh, I think she'll suffer enough from her own embarrassment than to have me do it again. Besides, you're more fun to torture."

"Can't you go tease Cassian?"

"We both know why I can't do that..." Rhys said candidly, and Azriel didn't dare to be hopeful that Rhys would drop the subject. Rhys's small frown turned into another smile soon after, and Azriel swallowed. "You hardly ever have anything for me to talk about anyway. I need to utilize this situation to its full potential. In fact, after you inform my mate of my win, I'm going to ask her to paint your lovely face...you remember the one?"

Rhys sent the same picture of Azriel's blushed face. Azriel rolled his eyes and spoke. "Shut it, Rhys."

To his surprise, Rhys did, choosing instead to turn towards the railing and look over the glittering lights of Velaris. Azriel did the same and took another sip of his wine.

"When do you think you'll tell everyone else?" Rhys said after a moment.

"Oh, I don't know, I'd rather have tonight fade from their minds before I say anything, though I suppose that's rather optimistic of me."

"I don't think Cassian and Mor will let that go, brother, but you can deal with them."

"Well, then there's always Nesta...And I'd rather not have my cock ripped off of my body."

Rhys cringed. "She's going to be a hard one to convince, my sympathies lie with you."

"My only hope is that she and Cassian can distract each other."

"Again, optimistic."

"True," he said cordially before quickly adding, "But I suppose it's up to Elain, really. She's much more conservative in these matters."

Rhys scoffed, "The irony in that statement. You two are made for each other."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't bullshit me. You do the same exact thing."

"I do not," Azriel insisted, crossing his arms over his chest defensively.

"Az, when's the last time you had a quick fuck?"

"Wh—?" Azriel sputtered. "That's none of your concern."

Rhysand gave him a long look before he turned it into a sickening grin. Azriel wanted to slap it off his face. "You were saying?"

"Go fuck yourself," he laughed.

[flowerflamestars]

I'd just really like to say this. Be it Daylight, Starlight, Efflorence, the books itself, Rhyd is an ass. An absolute ass. He is so blinded in ways, so stubborn he refuses to listen to another side.

All he cares is his benefit, or Feyre's. You've hurt her, hidden things away from her? You have done her and Me wrong. And because of so, I will hear nothing of what you may try to say or explain, if the Archeron sisters give any at all.

And Azriel and Cassian knowing everything before him, I love that. Because in all honesty, it serves him damn right. For his refusal to listen, refusal to understand.

And to be frank, I've though about this for the past few days, of Rhys as a ruler. I just find that he would not be a good one. There are many meanings, definitions to be a ruler. Personally I find that to be a ruler, your people will always come first. Their wellbeing, over your own. Their life over your own. And I just don't believe Rhys will be able to do that. He was willing to let the world burn, just so to protect 4 people. And he'd be willing to do the same for Feyre. If it comes down to a choice between Feyre and his people, in no doubt, he would pick her. Not the people who rely on him, the people who he is supposed to protect. He would pick a girl, who is in all forms, supposed to do as he does as his high lady, who is in no way experienced in any way of ruling. Who cares not for the people of his court, who has taken what that some of his people have had stolen from birth. It all comes down to love, and Rhys will always pick his love for her over his love for a court which will never compare.

Goddammit, I just really can't like him at all and well, my apologies for a rant on Rhys 😂

But I must say this, Efflorence? I'm in love with it in so many ways, especially the politics 😂

Thank you!! Effloresce has SO much going on and I love that people are on board for the nonsense.

Not to call really heavily on my own fic- but in Starlight I give Rhys the backstory that he wasn’t meant to be High Lord. That his father had chosen his sister as heir- for pretty much the exact reasons you talked about!

Rhys rules with his heart. With sounds great, and is a lovely theme for like...a romance, a fairytale. 

But the books try to come at VERY heavy themes along with the romance- assault, racism, ect- and that’s where it falls apart at the slightest poke. 

And I think honestly, making Feyre High Lady is one of the best examples. I’ve talked before about how I genuinely doubt he could transfer a magical destiny to anyone, but let’s ignore that she probably just has the title.

It’s these deeply romantic moment right? This immortal king wants to raise her up on the throne- he’s called her his salvation and he’s making true on that- he wants her beside him in everything.

But.

Great moment of love!

But. then two things happen: Feyre starts throwing around her power like its a god given destiny AND Rhysand sort of...stops questioning any of her bad decisions? I mean they argue, but ultimately Feyre does exactly what Feyre wants and Rhys does exactly what Rhys wants without much bridge between.

Like, Feyre tries to order around ANOTHER HIGH LORD IN HIS OWN TERRITORY and Rhys...backs her? with the comeback that she can do ANYTHING she wants?

Rhys starts betraying their own friends and making fucky secret deals and Feyre is pissed, but ultimately? it just happens?

And that’s a terrible way to rule a country, particularly at war. He doesn’t empower her and then give her all the information! He doesn’t even tell her like: these are our cities, this is how big our army is, this is what I think we should do but what do you think?

And this is Rhysand’s pattern, right? To make the big emotional swing and have how that feels justify the means.

For example: Velaris. 

There is the obvious, important point that Rhys made a desperate, impossible choice in an equally impossible situation. 

But that narrative treats it like- it was for love. Rhys saved Velaris because Velaris was a secret (which remains...doubtful to me. Keir knew about the city, which means probably so did plenty of people), and more importantly, the home of all his friends. Because it’s the city of his heart. The place for dreamers. 

What we’re supposed to get is: Rhys saved the only city he could, did his best for his people.

WHICH IS TRUE, but the story puts the emphasis on: he saved his friends. 

He saved those he loved, and that becomes the justification for everything. Not, Rhys has to save innocent Night court citizen lives. Every choice he makes is justifiable because it a) directly is For Love, or keeps him personally powerful so he can further b) directly protect Who He Loves.

Can you imagine being a person who isn’t lucky enough to live in Velaris??

When his decision making gets particularly hard to swallow (see the inexplicable loophole of needing a Keir alliance to use his own army) the idea is, war makes us make difficult choices. But the emphasis, the execution is: Rhys, the most powerful, most loving, most always right High Lord who is Right, because he did this Shitty Thing because (spins wheel) It Will Ultimately Mean he can keep Feyre safe.

It’s never about duty. Or about whatever being a High Lord means, in a mystical, magical land.

The real flaw, for me, is that the story from the end of acomaf on refuses to allow Rhys to be wrong. To have flaws. We just stop experiencing in a real way, while it’s still happening, Rhysand pulling the bullshit that makes him Rhysand: being That Asshole, keeping secrets, double-dealing.

Rhys has to be the hero- so, suddenly, everything is washed away.

He’d seem like a lot better leader if we saw any kind of struggle that wasn’t so...personal? Or, say, what I would have done if Rhysand were mine to write: I would have made him genuinely bad at magic.

He talks about struggling because he’s half Illyrian? 

Well, Illyrians don’t use High Fae magic. Maybe Rhys barely can. Maybe he’s so secretive and difficult because he has to be, maybe he sacrifices himself because he feels like that’s all he has to give, maybe Keir is a real, dangerous adversary.

That’s a reason. 

There’s only so much that can simultaneously by justified under the nebulous: Feyre Cannot Be Hurt By Anyone Ever, I must wreck the world and/or Control Everything, when we’re also supposed to believe that Rhys is a) the Most Powerful High Lord to ever High Lord, b) beloved?? by? his people?, c) Totally able to do his job while coming back from, with no break, five decades of torture, and 

d)somehow, just like, the Very Best at being a leader in every way

[narniaandplowmen]

It is not that I love you less / Than when before your feet I lay (But to prevent the sad increase / Of hopeless love, I keep away)

Fandom: The Witcher Pairing: Geralt/Jaskier Also on AO3 2154 words.

General Audiences / No Archive Warnings Apply Complete

Part 2 of Half a Century of Poetry

Jaskier, back in Lettenhove for the winter, considers how Geralt's words on the Mountain were unfair, but that nothing on this world can stop him from loving the Witcher anyways.

They had talked, after the Mountain. Or, well, Jaskier had talked. Geralt had been about to leave when Jaskier finally made his way down, exhausted and devastated and wounded from the lonely, perilous journey downhill. It was clear that Geralt had wanted to avoid him, but Roach, always a sucker for the sweet sugar cubes and shining apples the bard usually carried with him, had approached Jaskier on her own free will. And he had to say something, he couldn’t just stay silent. So he had given a promise. I will not come to you, but if you ever change your mind I should not be hard to find. 

And so he had. There was much that could be said about the bard, about his extravagance and tendency to ignore the rules. But if Jaskier made a promise, he made sure to keep it. Which is why he almost never made promises, regardless of what other people might think he did. Answering ‘sure’ to ‘will you promise to stay behind whilst I fulfil this contract’ meant that he is open to making that promise, but not that he is actually making it. Being part-Fae, fully noble and just generally a little shit made Jaskier proficient in finding loopholes in his so-called promises. But this? This was a real promise. And he had kept to it.

It was winter, and Jaskier had returned to Lettenhove to reunite with his sister and his nieces and nephews. The little kids were elated to see their favourite (and only) uncle, and although his brother-in-law - who had married quite above his station and continually feared Jaskier would reclaim his rightful place as heir - was less happy to see him return, his sister had welcomed him with open arms. The lands of Lettenhove looked gorgeous in the shimmering snow, white like- Jaskier bit his lip, an awful habit he had picked up since-

 Avoiding the thought was hopeless. He had tried everything to distract himself, but nothing could take away his endless, hopeless, futile lover for Geralt of Rivia, friend of humanity. His sister had noticed, of course. Damn observant, that woman. She had always been, but Jaskier was sure it had gotten even worse now that she was a mother. The Fae blood probably didn’t help either. 

‘Why don’t you write it out? That always helped you when you were younger,’ she had said one day, breaking through Jaskier’s musings of how the colour of her dress reminded him of Geralt’s eyes.

‘You don’t have to share it with me, or anyone, if you don’t want to. But it might help.’ 

So here he was, sitting in the manor’s humble library overseeing the snow-covered vineyard, with a quill in hand and paper in front of him like he was twelve, whilst longingly staring at his baby brother, who now lied next to his parents in graves covered in snow,  and younger sister, who were allowed to play outside whilst he was forced to make his homework. Now he looked down at a new generation of children. One day he had wished he could have some of his own, and he could not deny that, after Geralt had accidentally ended up with a child surprise, he had dreamed of the three of them forming a family. Nothing now could be further from the truth. Instead of living in a cottage near the sea, Geralt retiring from his Witcher business to open a smithy, Jaskier opening a school and them raising the adorable Ciri together, Geralt had refused to claim his promised child, shunned Jaskier from his life and gone off to who-knew-where to, as far as Jaskier knew, continue killing monsters for little pay. He had not come to apologise, not come to ask Jaskier to rejoin him, not come to find him at all. And so, Jaskier had kept his promise. And Jaskier had kept away. If only his heart would get the message, too. 

It is not that I love you less

Than when before your feet I lay,

But to prevent the sad increase

Of hopeless love, I keep away.

Carefully placing his quill back in the inkpot, Jaskier resumed his watch over the playful children in the snow. They had found some sticks now, and were playfighting. From his third-floor window he could hear fragments of their conversation.

‘You -- monster!’

‘I wanna be the Witch--’

‘--ys get to be the Witcher!’

‘Because the Witchers are -- cle Jaskier says so!’

‘I don’t want to be a kimimomo! I don’t want to be the bad --’

Jaskier smiled at little John’s mispronunciation of the monster’s name. The kids, inspired by Jaskier’s songs, had taken to playing ‘Wicher and Monster’, with dramatic fake-out deaths and some accidental real injuries. It seemed that, even in the quiet, boring lands of Lettenhove, Jaskier could not avoid being reminded of the man he loved so dearly. The snow as white as his hair, his sister’s yellow dresses, the wolf statues at the entrance of the property, the children’s play, the notes with unfinished lyrics describing Geralt’s heroic actions Jaskier had left behind during previous stays… Every day there was something, no matter how small, that reminded him of the man he had lost. The soup that tasted exactly like that served in the inn where he had first been allowed to wash the Witcher’s hair. The snide remarks from his brother-in-law that seemed to come straight from Geralt’s vocabulary.  Filavandrel’s lute, greeting him whenever he entered his room. Everything around him was another tiny dagger piercing through his skin, making its way to his heart and cutting yet another piece of it in half. 

In vain (alas!) for everything

Which I have known belong to you,

Your form does to my fancy bring,

And makes my old wounds bleed anew.

It had been late spring when they had parted. It felt like they had barely reunited after winter, during which Geralt had visited his strange Witcher castle Jaskier was never invited to and Jaskier had spent his days teaching Ciri and nights playing his music at the Cintran court. And although he loved the court, Calanthe’s murderous glares when he accidentally mentioned Geralt had made him nervous enough to be happy when spring arrived and he could leave again, back on the road, following the person holding his rapidly-beating heart without even being aware of it. The dragon hunt had only been their fourth contract of the year, and after- After, when summer still stretched in front of him for another six long months, everything had felt off. 

Sure, he had travelled, sang his songs at inns and bars and the occasional manor. Sure, he had met up with other bards, competed in a couple of sing-offs, written a handful of new songs which gained instant popularity. Sure, he had lived the life any normal, travelling bard did. But he wasn’t normal now, was he. He was Jaskier, Bard Extraordinaire, the best songwriter and lute-player on the Continent. His audience’s words, not his. He knew there was always something to be improved upon: a lyric that could be better, a beat he missed, a chord he botched. His audience might not notice, but he most certainly did. He would make quite an awful bard if he didn’t, after all. So, even though he did everything any other travelling bard would do, those six months had been strange. He had automatically found himself drawn to notice boards, turning around to inform Geralt of a contract only to be, once again, reminded the man was not there. No rhythmic sound of hooves touching the dirt during the day, no scraping noise of someone sharpening their sword near the campfire during the evening, and just his own breath breaking the silence of the night. It had been as if the world was ill, asleep in bed trying to fend off a fever that caused strange, surreal visions that gave everything normal a slightly sickly hue. Maybe his sister was right, maybe writing would help heal his broken heart.

Who in the spring from the new sun

Already has a fever got,

Too late begins those shafts to shun,

Which Phœbus through his veins has shot.

The playful screams of the children in the snow briefly silenced as the cheery voice of Molly the Cook called out that dinner was almost done. Jaskier knew that one of the kids would knock on his door soon, giving Uncle Jaskier the same message. Three stanzas in just as many hours, a poor yield for a poet of his stature. A sudden rage overtook him as he looked down at the half-empty paper. The words Geralt had thrown at him on the Mountain had felt fair at first, but after moping about them for while, Jaskier had realised that Geralt had been incredibly unfair. Him, shovelling Geralt’s shit? Yes, shovelling it out of his stable and onto the compost pile where it belonged. It was Geralt who created the shit around him, making stupid wishes that endangered the people around him, invoking the law of surprise less than fifteen minutes after learning Parvetta was a child surprise herself. Surely the Witcher knew that child surprises tended to give birth to child surprises, surely he smelled that Parvetta was pregnant to begin with. Even Jaskier had noticed that Parvetta had worn an unusual, slightly-out-of-style dress clearly intended to hide her abdomen. If Geralt had not been so incredibly self-centred, so incredibly self-absorbed and emotionally stunted he would have realised that his words were absolute bullshit. It had been Jaskier who had calmed Calanthe enough to not send hundreds of assassins after Geralt. It had been Jaskier who had tried to take the djinn away so the clearly exhausted Witcher would not do anything stupid. His wishes might have sounded idiotic, but they were clearly and precisely phrased, his mother had taught him enough about Fae magic for him to know djinns were just as tricky, if not worse, to deal with. Yes, Jaskier had shovelled the shit, but it was not his fault Geralt liked to dive into every single heap of manure he met. So no, what Geralt had said had not been fair. But by the time Jaskier had gathered enough of his wits to realise that, the Witcher had long been gone, and Jaskier’s promise had already been made. 

Too late he would the pain assuage,

And to thick shadows does retire;

About with him he bears the rage,

And in his tainted blood the fire.

The sound of a wildly thrown-open door and a young boy’s voice shouting his name calmed the bard’s sudden anger. 

‘UNCLE JASKIER DINNER’S READY MOLLY SAYS YOU NEED TO WASH YOUR HANDS!’ Little John, still carrying his stick, now ran into view. 

‘Did Molly also say you were allowed to take your sword inside?’

‘A Witcher always carries his swords with him, you told me so! And I am a Witcher, not a stupid kimino- kimomo-’

‘Kikimore,’ Jaskier helpfully supplied.

‘Yes that. Will you tell Eddy? Will you tell him I’m a Witcher? I don’t want to be a monster, the snow is cold and wet when I fall down to die.’ 

Jaskier smiled at his youngest nephew’s petulant face. ‘Only if you put your sword back outside. True gentlemen don’t carry their swords to the dinner table, not even Witchers. Come, we’ll place it in the stables to keep it safe, and then we go wash our hands together, okay?’

‘Okay, uncle Jaskier. Can I sit next to you during dinner?’

‘Of course you can.’

Jaskier smiled at the young boy stretching out his arms to be picked up. If only life could stay that easy, with simple concerns like cold snow and fake swords. Jaskier knew, after all,  it was impossible for him to stay angry. How could he hate the one he loved? The one who had, unknowingly, carried his heart for the past two decades, and would carry it for eternity and beyond? He would keep his promise to the Witcher, he would stay in his self-imposed exile, no matter the cost. A promise is a promise, after all. And just as he would keep the promise he had made to Geralt whilst feeding Roach that final, slightly crushed sugar cube, he would keep the promise he had made to himself whilst walking down the first mountain he and the Witcher had climbed to fight a supposed devil. I will love you till my dying days. 

And, as he placed his nephew on his back, joking that ‘this horse will lead the noble Witcher to the stables,’ Jaskier mentally composed the final stanza he had struggled with for so many hours. 

But vow’d I have, and never must

Your banish’d servant trouble you;

For if I break, you may distrust

The vow I made to love you, too.

[dutifullybitchypeach]

My two cents worth for the first six chapters and some reasoning around IC and Nesta. All my own personal opinion. Read if you want but it's just my general thoughts. Please, please don't flip if you disagree. I love Nesta and the darkness she is in right now and her behaviour is taking over this sassy no nonsense Queen and it needs to change.

THIS INCLUDES SPOILERS.

....................

Is the House of Wind a prison...technically no. Nesta just does not have the ability to fly or winnow. And no one is on standby to be her taxi. She can leave by walking. Amren threw her that challenge on purpose. She's not alone, Az and Cassian live there. And the Priestesses. Yes it has dark memories. Yes. I know that and I take it on board.

On a side note, it's irritating to hear 'I'm not your prisoner" from Nesta (who I like!!!!) I think of Azriel, Feyre, all the Fae Under the Mountain, even Elide 💗. Then again everyone's idea of prison is different. But the fact remains. She CAN leave. It's just bollocks hard. For a reason

But we know it's what she needs. We know that. We don't have to like it. Not one likes the reality. The ultimatum is uncomfortable and harsh. Our way or fuck off. They are not suggesting manual labour or degrading her. They suggest training, food, working in a library, purpose, being part of something. This doesn't sound bad to me. It just sucks it comeing across as an order. But this is Nesta's POV and she doesn't do requests or pretty please. The fact I got riled up reading it is a compliment to Mass. I had to take a major step back and reassess. Nesta sees everything as an attack. And no that is not her fault. Stay with me! I agree people enjoy provoking Nesta ( Rhys, Morrigan, Cassian) and then get affronted when she bites back. At some point I'd enjoy her retaliation akin to her ripping their head off :) And their vow to never go there again.

The IC 'review' is what annoys me. The "we" will decide where you go from here if you play ball. My hope 🤞 is that Nesta will TELL THEM where she will go/what she will do with sass. But right now sitting on a rock instead of trying to train is fucking juvenile (Again I stress I like Nesta). She hates her power as far as I can tell. But she is so low she can't see the wood from the trees. Or the hand that is been given to her.

Does Feyre have a right to be embarrassed. Yes. I'd die of shame if my sister (I have 3 btw) kept at that again and again and again all on my families dime. Without even being polite or respectful to anyone. She's only ever provided for Nesta. Period. Not to mention being a high lady with all the responsibilities that entails. Living her own life (well earned) and well life in general! I mean Jesus, Nesta is not her only priority. She maybe ours lol! But Feyre has 101 things going on. Give her credit. She tried with Nesta several times. Gave her space and time which Nesta wanted while still making the effort to reach out. Nesta needs to acknowledge that. Feyre was bankrolling her self destructive lifestyle and it had to stop.

The whole "your behaviour reflects badly on us". Well yes it does. Nesta doesn't get a free pass. The whole of Pyrithian is rebuilding and our girl is pissing away money. That's not even hers! Her behaviour does undermine the Court, folks must eye roll when IC lay down the law when your sister/ sister in law is prancing around being a with a big fuck you. Everyone is broken and rebuilding. And it's a slap in the face. Is the saving face irrelevant to Nestas issues, yes! But is Feyre allowed to feel fucked over, yes! Sisters say shit when they fight. Arguments are not flawless debates. Their emotive and bring out the worst in people. Feyre darling is feeling the pressure of being high lady and it came out all wrong. Especially when it's your sister acting up.

And Nesta never tried (as far as Feyre can tell) WE know Nesta IS trying, and surviving every day is a battle. But Feyre doesn't. Why would she. Nesta doesn't speak to her. But their relationship is so toxic that it's beyond Feyre to get it. And that is not her fault. NO ONE is perfect. There is only so much responsibility Feyre can CONTINUALLY take.

Rhys being there. I have a feeling that a male will not let his pregnant mate anywhere near someone he is afraid of. It's instinctive. Someone who hasn't trained to control their powers especially. He is on High Lord mode cause guess what he is a High Lord. This is his court and the people in it his responsibility. Not to mention the oncoming drama with the queens on the horizon and general court bullshit. Does he abuse his position of power.... well in this world the HL have the power. Everyone is answerable to one. Even Amren obeys the rules. Nesta doesn't/won't recognize that. Which is rare. They tricked and lied to get her "consent" surprise surprise a dick move from Rhysand/Feyre. We know they will do that for the "greater good". Lie, steal etc all in the name of saving the day. He screwed Morrigan over in front of her ass Father for flip sake! My point is the NC stability is his priority now more than ever if impending fatherhood is on the way. It's no surprise he wants Cassian to take on more responsibility. Nesta is a liability cause she is AWOL. It's worth noting he had this plan for months but Feyre refused preferring to give Nesta space and the opportunity to decide for herself what she wanted. So we could assume if Rhys had his way Amren and Nesta would have still been friends and it would have been far different. Amren would have been by her side. Do I condone his domineering behaviour, no not in a million years. And neither did Feyre. Will he apologise? Probably not he's an arrogant ass. And wanted to control the room. Fact. He wants/needs Nesta on board the team to bolster his ranks. She is that powerful. We KNOW he will do anything to protect his family (baby on the way).

Morrigan and her nasty comment on sending Nesta to The Court of Nightmares. Cassian acknowledges it's an insult but also the truth. That's a harsh fact on how Nesta is percieved right now. But I believe she wouldn't just thrive there, she would CONQUER ;) I don't know if Morrigan is referring to the people that abused her or the "type" of people that live in Hewn City...? Will we give HER the benefit of the doubt... hmmm.

Morrigan and that comment on good people giving Nesta the benefit of the doubt...that's Morrigans issue. She never gave Eris the benefit of the doubt and yet he proved her wrong with Keir. She's all over the place as a result . And she's been lying for 5 centuries. To her family. Cassian said he values the raw honesty that he has with Morrigan. Wow is he going to get a shock some day. Nesta may be a bitch but at least she's an honest one. And Morrigan knows it which must rattle her to no end. Point is Mor isn't supposed to be in this story very much and Nesta never really cared for her opinion anyway. So neither should we. I've checked out of Mor. Knowing she won't give Azriel closure or honesty just makes me not consider her opinion. It suits her to keep Nesta down in the gutter so her lie can continue.

Amren - her behaviour. I have to remind myself Amren is OLD, a stint in the Dungeon is probably a standard response! Her idea after the Summer Court fiasco and the jewels was to go there and crush them. Amren is by nature harsh. Which is why she gets on with Nesta the most. Cassian tells us she cares. Nesta can't see this. Her comment on Nestas sex life in ACOFAS. People ran with that. Fae lifestyles always kind of disgusted her. She wasn't Fae so bodily functions were an alien concept. Now she's Fae she's slightly horrified. Also no one else has much to say on Nesta's bedroom antics. Cause it's a non issue Mass doesn't do slut shaming. So neither should we. Speaking as a woman also here.

Elaine - we know Elaine craves peace and quiet. Confrontation is not her thing. Being there would mean Nesta would use her as a crutch, and I'm not sure Elaine wouldn't cave. Nesta pushed her away on purpose and Elaine choose to try and find some sort of contentment. That's her right and choice. Agree or disagree. She walked away or decided she can't deal with Nestas difficult behaviour. I don't know. Or is she oblivious to the situation ?! Who knows. Elaine is an enigma! It's the first 6 chapters! Right now they are two different people and have been drifting apart since ACOWR. Nesta is a dichotomy of pushing people away and hurt when they stop trying. It's exhausting for the people that have to deal with it. Who are not perfect and have their own issues and lives. Elaine has stepped back from this situation. Because either she recognizes it needs to happen or cannot sway the majority. Though I think Elaine did say something to Feyre, cause when Nesta pressed her she refused to say what Elaine thought. Just that she wasn't there and not part of the issue. Feyre is high handed when it comes to her sisters. Because that's the role they allowed her. Nesta is fighting back. And Feyre takes it personally. Which is only natural. They're sisters.

Cassian! Ah Cassian. He was spectacularly rejected and being around Nesta is a constant reminder. That's enough to make me cringe in a corner. He acknowledges he stayed away cause it hurt too much. He's a soldier and has serious self discipline. He has no idea how his behaviour/comments hurt her until she confronts him. Deliver him a few home truths. Another well deserved kick in the balls. Flirting with Mor, not sure his behaviour there has ever changed. He keeps it normal cause being around Nesta gives him the shakes!! Lol. He is slack jawed after Nesta and wants her badly, passion we know is big thing for them. It ignites them. Raw and real. Recognising Morrigan is aesthetically beautiful is just a fact. We know she's a looker. So what. Meh to this issue some people have.

We know from spoilers they start training and communicating and Mass is a Nessain ship so I'm excited to see this grow and flourish! I've read spoilers here on these two so I've no qualms.

Cassian for me is right. He and others have been through similar situations before so can empathise. But until she answers him back without snapping he won't be able to be that shoulder to lean on or turn too. He's not going to be her Prince though. Nesta is her own Queen!

I've read some spoilers on her friendships and I'm so happy. I've no idea how it will go but it says to me that the IC have a block when it comes to Nesta and don't see her the way others do and Nesta opens up to people who don't have a predisposed prejudice.

Also the IC have no idea how Nesta is going to react at any stage. It's like walking around on eggshells. Why would anyone actively choose to be around someone like that. That and very obvious fact they are BUSY AF. They don't have time to have a daily bollicking from Nesta. Yet all fall in when the plan is announced. Make what you will of that.

Some further musings:

Nesta being reminded she has to be respectful to Clotho and the priestesses is sobering. Like wow, people can't trust you will have basic manners. Again I know this is Feyre saying it but Christ to worry about that. Will be interesting with Gwyn and that friendship and a nice reality check for the IC.

I spent 4 God damn books understanding Rhys motives. He's a prick yes. Which I enjoy. But the bastard people are making him out to be I don't agree. Half of Pyrethian hates/hated him, Nesta hating him won't stress him. Or her for that matter. They have a 2 people they both care about in common and will just have to deal.

Training in Illyria, well Nesta is powerful, training in the mountains is probably damage control if she explodes. And a change of scenery from her prison!

Rhys was controlled for 50 years, Amren escaped worlds to be free. I don't believe they want to control Nesta.

Families are messy and fucked up. The intervention is a perfect example of how arseways it can get.

Azriel being Azriel I'm not sure about anything with him right now. I've read the snippets and spoilers and I'm all over the place. He is one of my favourites. FYI when I say IC I never mean Azriel I don't know why but I always imagine he finds it just plain drama and avoids it at all costs. Nesta is drinking and gambling away her life. Okay! Nesta is now training and we are all on board to help. Okay! Nesta is a powerful Queen and we are all afraid. Okay! Nesta has turned Cassian into a drooling mess and hes ass is hers. Excellent ;)

Sisters! They need to deal and respect each others independence. They are all in the wrong. It's just annoying at this stage. Personally I'll rip into my sisters when I need to but usually get a red mist when anyone else does. Even if they are in the wrong. I have a habit of always defending them.

So overall the angst killed me in the first 6 chapters. Did Rhys dominant shite irritate me? Yes. Do I want Nesta to make it clear she's not a pawn in his/their world? Yes. In spectacular fashion please.

Did Feyre handle it well? No. Does she ever deal with Nesta well? No. Perhaps only when Nesta is more inclined to talk. Which is rare. The ultimatum we know from Cassian sickened Feyre she recognizes it for what it is it but really cannot see any other option. Her fault or a combination of factors you decide. It was hyper tense situation we all just wanted to get through.

Would we be so angry if this was a soft approach headed by Elaine/Feyre/Amren? Would Nesta even react?

Cassian compared Nesta to a sleeping dragon who has just been woken up. Nesta needed a kick in teeth. A major reality check. Life in Pyrethian is hard. This a fae world. She is angry and incensed they have dared to 'interfere' and 'assume' she will be controlled. I want her to tackle her demons, confront her fears her issues with herself and others and live! Live! I've no idea what she wants and can't wait to find out.

***I've read some spoilers on the end. The rumours and the actual basic plot ending. I'm like Mass I love a HEA. And am hopeful I'll be satisfied. I had a similar theory when I heard the pregnancy rumour. A move by Nesta that would never have anyone doubt her.

[the-overgrowth]

Retrospective: “Faybane” #1

This is where it all started, on July 8th, 2016. Although probably a bit earlier than that, but this is the earliest thing I can find that’s actually written down, so that’s what counts. And back in the day I didn’t let ideas marinate the way I do now, I just started writing pretty much as soon as I got the idea.

Anyway, the document was created at this point in time according to Google Docs, and was last modified in October 3rd, 2016. It’s only 3 chapters long, plus one incomplete fourth chapter, and the whole thing is about 17k words.

Which is a lot for 3 chapters. I would say something about how I’m less wordy now, but the latest draft is like 107k words long, so, like, I will always struggle with shutting the fuck up, methinks.

Also, the reason this is called “Faybane” is because that was the working title I used, and the name of this document. I thought it’d be the proper title but like. It’s bad lmao.

Anywhomst, let’s get into it!

Some background info for those who are new or need a refresher: this WIP became a thing after I read and was disappointed by A Court of Thorns and Roses by SJM, as well as The Iron King by Julie Kagawa and some book by Holly Black, was it Tithe?

ACOTAR was the biggest culprit. I feel that this is important to keep in mind as we go through this mess.

We open on Sidra in the forest with a bunch of men she calls a hunting party. It’s clear she doesn’t want to be there, but since she’s the only decent hunter among them and it’s her sister’s wedding today, she has to make the kill to feed the people attending said wedding.

This is, as the kids say, big stupid, and seems like a very ill-prepared celebration? I guess it makes some sense for them to want fresh meat, but this fresh? What if they didn’t find anything? What if they didn’t manage to kill anything? Is the whole thing cancelled? Stupid.

We find out they’ve been hunting a boar and that this dude named Liam, our Gaston replacement, previously wounded the animal but didn’t kill it, causing it to flee and force the hunting party to follow. It’s up to Sidra to make the killing blow, which she does with an arrow straight into its head. This was back when Sidra was still YA Heroine Extraordinaire and the time period was Vaguely Medieval, I guess.

They begin taking their quarry back home and Sidra thinks about how she normally doesn’t hunt this close to the “Faewilds” because animals closer to the border are said to be bigger and more violent. There isn’t an actual border, people just had to rely on intuition and not wander too far into the forest.

She also mentions a girl named Wilda, who disappeared fairly recently and everyone suspects it was the fae. This isn’t relevant now, but Wilda will return in later drafts, I think.

Everybody, especially my family, knew that I was one of the best archers in town, whether I used a bow or a crossbow.

Shut up, Not!Feyre. Nobody likes you.

I should mention that at this point I didn’t bother googling how big wild boars get and just assumed they were the size of like, a thick medium dog. Which is, if you know how big boars are, very incorrect. Four men pulling the animal seems realistic enough, but then Liam just lifts it up on his own? Not buying it.

Sidra laments how much she hates Liam and we find out that he apparently tried to assault her and she stabbed him? And apparently she’s not happy about his marriage to Sinéad but can’t do anything about it because “Father’s word is law” and Sinéad herself laughed it off when Sidra tried to warn her?

Yeah, gonna call bullshit on that one. No idea why this was here or what purpose it serves, the reason Liam doesn’t exist in the latest draft is because I never figured out what his purpose was so I axed him entirely. 

Current!Sidra would just kill him the moment he showed an interest in Sinéad, and Current!Sinéad would 100% believe her sister about something like that.

Some bloke named Connor strikes up a conversation with Sidra, seemingly worried about being this far away from human civilization. Liam teases him about it and calls the fae “knife-ears”, because I still had brainrot back then and liked Dragon Age and had zero original ideas in my head.

The men make jokes about having sex with fae women and Sidra seems so disturbed by this that she nocks an arrow. This isn’t the first time she makes references to feeling unsafe around these men, I have no idea why I wrote it this way aside from being edgy, I guess.

My village was mostly populated by men, and even though I wasn’t one of the pretty girls there, I knew these men weren’t picky, even with all their talk about beautiful fae women. I’d heard that fae women would kill their men after sleeping with them. I had no way of know it was true, but a part of me hoped it was and that Liam would some day soon get “lucky” and encounter a female fae, so she could end his misery.

Edgy, dude.

They eventually arrive and Sidra goes inside her house, which is a simple cottage with three rooms. I think her family are all farmers? It’s kind of confusing. She goes into her and Sinéad’s bedroom, where Sinéad is preparing for her wedding. Also, she’s blonde.

“Sid! There you are!” she said cheerily. “Killed a boar, huh? Good on Liam for taking all the credit.”

If you know your man is trash, why are you marrying him?

Apparently Liam seduced Sinéad with sweets and baked goods. I mean ... fair enough. Considering how Sidra complains about being hungry and skinny and going without food if she doesn’t kill the boar because this year’s harvest was minimal, I’m assuming y’all are starving.

We find out Sinéad’s mother doesn’t let her do anything around the house or farm, to preserve her “soft and white” hands and pale complexion so she could be married off easily. This makes zero sense, you’d think these medieval men wouldn’t have the same beauty standards as Victorian England, plus having a mouth to feed that doesn’t even help feeding itself is just nuts. 

But remember, this isn’t Sidra, this is Not!Feyre. She needs to be sad and put-upon and a victim. She explains how she was never pretty to begin with and thus nobody considered her to be worthy of marrying off, which then meant she was put to work and became even less attractive because now she was so cool and badass that all the men were intimidated by her.

Yeah, in a village that already doesn’t have a lot of young women? I’m not buying this, lmao. But go off, Not!Feyre.

I’d been the one helping around, instead. Hunting, mostly. Sometimes I’d chop wood or work the farm. Marrying out of the house seemed impossible. Marrying up was practically a dream you forgot upon waking. Had I been pretty from the start there would’ve been a foundation to work from, but I was a lost cause even before my skin became tan and my hands grew veined and calloused. I had freckles which people mistook for mud and dull brown eyes, a long nose that had been broken one time too many and a mouth that made it look like I constantly felt a bad smell no matter what facial expression I made. I’d always been of rather short stature and had brown hair and thick eyebrows, which in combination with everything else made my parents call me their “little goblin”. The scar on my face didn’t help me either: men didn’t like it when their women were more battle-hardened than they were.

Oh god please, don’t go off! We don’t care! Stop going off!

Also what fucking parents call their poor kid a goblin? Yikes.

Sinéad convinces Sidra to get prettied up and Sidra is all “oh I bet all the men will just fall over themselves for my favor now huh” which is just the most annoying fucking thing, prompting Sinéad to respond:

“Well, winter is coming and game is scarce. If they want to survive, marrying the best hunter in the village might be a good bet.”

Yeah! This is correct! I refuse to believe people wouldn’t be into Sidra! Not only does everyone apparently know she’s the best hunter in town, but Sidra herself confirmed the men here outnumber the women and aren’t very picky.

This is fucking stupid. I’m glad I axed it. In my defense, I was very much trying to emulate the YA shit I’d read so far.

Sidra’s grandmother enters the stage. She’s very old in this draft, but otherwise unchanged.

She was a short and wrinkled old lady with extremely bad vision and an even worse grasp on reality. Or maybe an extremely acute grasp on reality, depending on whether you believed her stories or not.

Sidra changes out of the dress again to go out and help her father prepare the boar, all while sulking.

I didn’t envy Sinead, nor any other bride. Despite what most people thought of me, I wasn’t some poor ugly girl longing for the love of a man and the security of marriage. Did I enjoy the idea of having somebody care for me? Sure. But it wasn’t on my list of priorities. I was still trying to figure out what actually was on that list. Not that it mattered. The prospects for a poor village girl were very finite.

Womp womp.

We get some confusing and barely related stuff about Sidra possibly becoming a royal hunter for the king and also about where the village is located in relation to the Faewilds. She speculates that maybe the fae aren’t real, but the way she and everyone else talks about them makes it pretty obvious that they are? This was supposed to build mystery, I guess.

We skip forward to the wedding and Sidra is moping again.

“How are you feeling?” Father asked and squeezed my shoulder. 

I wasn’t sure why he was doing that. I assumed it had something to do with the wedding and the fact that despite there being fewer women than men here, I was still not asked to dance. Though this didn’t really bother me, so I just shrugged.

“It doesn’t bother me. Anyway I will continue to mope and feel bitter about this thing that doesn’t bother me.” Hunny ...

At least Current!Sidra has the self-awareness to admit she’s sad and lonely.

 [Father’s] marriage to Sinead’s mother was never out of love, more out of necessity. It was easier when you had a big family.

Except for when this “big family” is 3 people who work and 2 people who are just being fed, right? See, I knew back then that having a big family helps when you have a farm, but I also needed to make Sidra Special so Sinéad had to sit on her ass to highlight how pretty and feminine she was or whatnot.

Bleh.

They talk a bit about Sidra’s mother, who passed away five years ago, and Sidra reminisces about how she used to tell amazing stories. It’s all very ... whatever, and serves only to make this point for the hundredth time:

I wasn’t like Mother. I wasn’t full of life and spirit like her. I wasn’t loved and respected by the entire village like her. I was just her disappointing child whose existence they’d rather forget except when they wanted something killed.

Right after this there’s a really abrupt scene transition. Nothing about the wedding coming to an end, nothing about her going to bed, it’s just ... some while later?

Sidra’s father comes back home from ??? and tells Sidra he saw a stag somewhere, but it was hours ago so she better get a move on.

I’m not sure what either of them thinks this will accomplish? Like ... what is she gonna do with it when she kills it ... Carry it home? On her little boney ass? Hmm? I guess I didn’t think of that because I had meta knowledge that she wouldn’t get it home either way, so who cares about logic, right?

Sidra kills two rabbits while stalking the deer, and despite telling us earlier that she doesn’t venture far away from human civilization and the boar hunting being the farthest she’d been and that she wouldn’t go this far alone, she has no issue dwelling very deep into the forest this time.

Like. Henlo? Can we have one logic please and thanks you? Granted, she keeps stopping every now and then to Feel Things Out, but this really goes against how careful she was before and at no point do we get an explanation to her sudden boldness. Plot reasons, I guess.

She nearly stumbles into fae territories and finally decides to head back, except when she starts returning, she sees the stag she’s been tracking. It’s abnormally huge and has a “dark brown” coat that she finds odd, but of course she’s too stupid to connect the dots.

She sneaks up on it and honestly? This chapter ending still slaps.

A scream of pain left the creature and I saw it topple. But though my arrow hit a deer, a man fell to the ground.

DUN DUN DUN.

And yeah, the ACOTAR roots rear their ugly heads again. I liked the idea of the protagonist shooting a fae disguised as an animal, but I decided to cut out the middleman and just have her obliterate Val right in chapter one. Don’t worry, he doesn’t die.

[natskys-w]

Tarny part 2 (during the missing time/judes exil.)

I’m assuming that things got worser and worser whilst jude was in exile. The parties and revels Locke held and that Taryn had to host grew larger and larger and more chaotic as time went on, and Locke continued to push and push Taryn boundaries more and more and maybe at first she excused it, since the “fae don't love the way we do.” as Locke always so keen to remind her and love in her eyes comes hand in hand with pain.

I think a part of her felt that if she suffered enough, she would grow more beautiful in Lockes eyes, like the princesses in her stories. Where the prince "finds her beautiful. Beautiful, not despite her suffering, but because of it.” (tls, Pg 70).

Another example of her equating love to pain, is when she meets/talks about Heather and she doesn't understand how

“Vivi could possibly love a mortal girl. She didn’t know anything. She had no magic. She didn’t even seem like she’d done much suffering.”(tls pg 302) I think that the reason their meeting shook her up a little was that it put in to question her views and understanding of love.

She's convinced that if she tries hard enough, suffers hard enough and works hard enough. She can orchestrate her own happily ever after. Which probably entails being married with a nice house and a husband who kissed her when he came home, and a family of her own.... but that’s not Locke for him that would be a boring ending.

Like he mentioned in the lost sisters for him pain, sadness, suffering, anguish are all simply just spices (which are needed for a good story). Which is probably (again l am just assuming) that there marriage was a tug of war. Both of then trying to course correcting there story and trying to mould it to go down the root or path they desire.

Locke pushing her to get a reaction whether its with more extravagant parties, parading new lovers, belittling her to there guests, inviting people she hates or that mock her for being the daughter of a traitor, pushing her take part in things she hates, emotionally manipulating her or just leaving her alone for weeks on end to be with other lovers and to test her love.

I think he gets a rush out of her losing her composure since he says “There it is. That temper you try to hide. You know what fascinates me about you? You’re a hungry person sitting in front of a banquet, refusing to eat.” (tls, Pg 368)

I think maybe at first Taryn was coping with what he was throwing at her but it got harder as time went on, since even before things got real she says.

“Jealousy wasn’t a spice to me then. It was the whole meal and I was gagging it down.”

And that’s not even mentioning his scheming and the darker things he was hiding. That even we as the fans were surprised about, he gave the Ghost as basically a dowry present to Madoc, who by the looks of it had no problem also treating him like a pet and keeping him in his cell until he was needed.

(Imagine what it would have been like, when the ghost came by as Madocs and Lockes messenger boy/errand boy/play thing.)

I think she grew numb along the way, started losing hope and realised that this is it. This is what its always going to be. There no happy ending and probably went from eating fairy fruit as a dare/proof she can fit in, to consuming it as a kind of daily drug, to go into auto pilot mode/escape, to still be the perfect wife and to focus on other things like the house and the garden.

I think the moments she was alone, with only the staff and her enemies and Locke never came home. She finally understand what her mother went through. How she grew to hate the place that she once loved, as it became more like a beautiful cage then a home. A cage she was soon going to be sharing with a baby, who she will have no means to protect, not fully anyway and how all this time she misjudged her and didn’t want to be anything like her. Yet out of all three of her sisters she ended up like her the most.

I think the baby was what changed her and made her snap out of her daze. Realising that it’s not just her anymore, she might be able to settle for Lockes version of love but the baby doesn't deserve to, he/she didn't chose this.

Which led to her confronting Locke, maybe after coming back from being with mistress or partying all night. She probably tried to put her foot down and said things had to change and just let everything she had pushed down out. I think she tried to reason with him but he wasn’t having it and probably tried to convince her to give the baby away (Changling). Swap it with a human family and have the human baby go where all the other human children taken away go. I can imagine him coming up with a bullshit excuse like “this is for us, if you love me you will give it away. A baby is only going to get in our way and we’re not ready for it, years from now it will come back to us. If you love me prove it. its me or the baby.”

Then when flattery didn't work, he tried to tear her down with words and maybe even tried to man handle her or maybe hit her. (Okey so this part may be a bit of a stretch but)

A part of me questions if maybe it wasen't just anger at what he said that made her snap... maybe just maybe he tried pushing the boundaries and she snapped/her training kicked in.

"You got the same instruction in swordplay she did; you must remember some of it. I was never very good. I kept apologizing when I hit anyone,” I reminded her." (Tls)

(Tqon) (ldk for me it gave me the vibe, that there was alot more Taryn left out of the story. That maybe she wasen't ready to talk about yet).

Since she never come off as violent (manipulative..yes at time... but violent not so much). Since she turned out more like Oriana then Madoc and even admitted she looked down on Jude for resorting to violence.

I think if Jude had killed him it wouldn't have been the same. (I think even if it was for her own good she might have resented her.) Since she'd probably wonder if she could have changed him, made it work. Also l don't think Jude or Cardan would have killed him since he's Nicasia and Cardans friend and Jude and Cardan where feeling forgiving in tqon. *l shudder at the thought of him being alive at the end* If he had lived Locke and Tarny would have probably still been in the same vicious cycle and my new favourite baby ship (txg)💓, woulden't have even had a chance to even touch the water.

........moving on.........

For me l now see the lost sister as an apology letter/story that Taryn is going to give to Jude after the queen of nothing. It's her way of apologising in the best way she nows how, through story. I think its something she's written and rewritten and has added to as time/events unfold. 🤔

I think the reason why some fans had trouble forgiving Taryn is because of how its kind of left to interpretation/open ended, our experiences shape how we see it. Reflecting on the book l think that maybe the reason why we never got to see it properly or talk about in the book was partly because of time, the book had alot to cover in only 300pgs and who knows maybe the reason why was that Holly realised that since its a delicate story/senstive topic, it needs its own book to fully do it justice. If it is how l think it is, its an arc that you either have to see for yourself or have some experience in.

If you read this far, l'm surprised, l really tried to keep it short but there was alot on my mind. Thats why it ended up being split into two posts. 😂

All l can say now is

[defleurtradingco]

The Merry Month of Mirth- Fault

(Previous: Joint) 

“I tell ya, that’s th’ craziest tale I’ve heard from ya’ll in a long-ass while.” “It’s NOT A STORY!” Ray blurted out, nearly throwing his hands in the air. “I know.” Monte scratched at the corner of his eye briefly. “But it still sounds crazy. Anythin’ with faeries sounds insane.”

Ray slumped forward onto the counter dramatically, putting his head down as they waited for their food. “A week goes by- NOT EVEN A WEEK maybe like FIVE DAYS goes by and all of a sudden ONCE AGAIN, SOLAINA DE-FUCKING-FLEUR comes CALLING and asking for a BIGASS REPORT of every single fucking fae encounter we’ve ever had in either of our WHAT I’D CONSIDER SHORT AND FAST LIVES! Like it’s OUR FAULT we run into stupid shit so much!!”

…I mean…’cept you Aaron, you’ve probably run into way more weird shit than me.”

That much was directed at Aaron, who wasn’t particularly amused by the comment, but he tolerated it anyway. Ray just liked pointing his age out a little too much, though, that was with everyone he ran into really. It wasn’t like Ray had any curses on him, or super powers or- “The food is coming.”

“Not fast enough…” Ray sighed, trying to display how miserable he was without a burger. “They’re dead, what do THEY hafta worry about…”

“Oh lotsa things,” Monte leaned back on his seat, spinning about half of the way before he faced forward again. “Ya know, not like any of us got LIVES or JOBS or gotta pay RENT and stuff. AIN’T LIKE ALL that stops after yer ‘dead n’ gone’. Horse shit. Ya know there’s a death tax?? I sure didn’t!”

Ray eyed the zombie critically. “It’s not a DEATH tax it’s just estate bullshit.” “Same thing. Good thing I’ve never owned property not once. Ya’d think! But no.”

Aaron sighed. They’d been to this diner several times, smack in the middle of New York City no less. Yet no one ever really seemed to notice it was even there. The deadfolk worked there. The food was surprisingly good, and clean. Not what you’d expect.

Still, the staff weirded him out quite a bit, even if he had become accustomed to meeting and greeting corpses.

“Er- so Monte how is your new glamour coming? I had heard Ray tell me about how you have the ability to make your own now.” Monte turned his attention to the werewolf now. “Oh that? Yeah, haven’t got th’ hang of it yet sadly. I can get it most of th’ way, but this half here,” He motioned to his skull. The bit that was showing, “Can’t ever get it ta look right. Looks like I’m havin’ a damn stroke, though I admit it IS hilarious.”

Ray leaned forward on his elbow, glancing back at the kitchen window every so often to see if their food was done. It wasn’t. “How do you remember whatcha look like anyway? Hasn’t it been like…I dunno, three hundred years or somethin’-” “First off smarty-pants, I’m about a hundred and fifty, give-‘er-take-a-few-more-years shy of bein’ three hundred. Second, how do ya forget what the hell ya look like? Ain’t like yer a vampire and it ain’t even like THEY have that excuse anymore since everything’s made-a grade A shit. AND THIRD,” The cowboy snurked as he reached into one of the folds on the inside of his hat. “I got a picture!”

“What?? You never showed us-” Ray spun his seat to face him. Aaron did too, though he was much more subtle about it.

“What?? I thought I did, here, just don’ drop it- ‘s all I got left. Or all I ever had, actually.”

Ray took the photograph as Aaron looked over his shoulder. “Oh my god, that’s-” “How have you managed to keep it in such a good condition??” Aaron was more astonished at that factor alone.

“Think I was…uhh… maybe thirty? No uh maybe like…twenty-eight, twenty-nine, fer that one. I forget-” “LOOK AT THAT BABY FACE-”

“Yeah yeah laugh all ya want. As if YOU look any different.” “OH my god- YOUR HAIR-” “Yeah I can’t explain that one. ‘S as much a mystery ta me.”

“BABY BOY BABY-”

Aaron sighed as Ray continued to make all sorts of strange noises. Monte only shook his head, locking eyes with the werewolf briefly to silently, mentally scream ‘why’.

To which Aaron had no answers.

“Anywho, ‘s nice ta drop in every so often, even if this place ain’t really my sorta hangout. Dunno how any of ya can stand bein’ so…boxed in.” Monte continued, shaking his head slightly.

“It is something you become used to. I’ve lived in the city for a while now. It is convenient, despite all.” Aaron tapped his fingers on the counter, also glancing towards the kitchen window. He could smell their food. It wasn’t ready yet.

“Guess so. Glad ta hear ya’ll doin’ well with th’ new house n’ all. Ray was textin’ me n’ I think everyone he knew about it th’ day ya signed off on it or somethin’.”

“Yes, it is quite lovely. Not so big, but not too small, with two stories. It suits our needs.” Aaron would still beam every time someone asked him or gave him an opening to talk about the house, and he certainly was doing so now.

“Huh?” Ray looked up from the picture, handing it back. “Oh, here. And yeah the house is great. It’s got like a yard and stuff and it’s not crammed next to everyone ELSE’S house, like there’s actual SPACE. Kinda suburb-y a lil’-” Before he could explain any further, their food arrived. “FINALLY!!” Nothing else mattered at that point.

“Ya’ll should consider gettin’ like a…whatcha call ‘em. A summer home- or a whatever-season home someplace closer so I don’t gotta drive up all this way ta see ya.”

Aaron had to chew his food first before speaking again. He refused to wolf his steak down. “Ah- uh…yes I…am not particularly fond of the south I am afraid. But uh- another house to go to would be nice?”

“One house at a damn time,” Ray muttered between bites of burger.

Monte smirked as much as one could with only half a set of lips. “Yeah. Don’t rush.”

“That’s rich, comin’ from YOU.”

“’Cept me. Ride hard, die young. Come back ta life. Yee-fuckin-haw.”

Just as Monte began to pick at his own food, his cell phone buzzed in his pocket. He slipped it out about halfway, just to see the caller. “Excuse me a moment will ya gents? Be riiight back.” Ray ignored him, and Aaron gave a nod, as he still had food in his mouth.

“Hyelloo,” He walked outside, pulling his bandanna over the lower half of his face before actually stepping out onto the street.

“Good afternoon Mr. Wormbane.” “A fine howdy-doo Solaina, need somethin’?” “Yes actually. I hope I am not interrupting your lunch.” “Nah, was just about ta step out n’ have a smoke anyway.” Monte held the cell phone up with his shoulder as he dug into his pocket for his lighter, and a cigarette. “So what needs cleanin’ up now?” “Something a bit on the unexpected side. Since you are so familiar with the southern states-” “Which south, South-south or southwestern south? I’d say there’s a miiighty big diffrence ‘tween the two.” Solaina chuckled on the other end of the line.

“You are right, yes.

How do you feel about New Mexico?”