#i love drunk shenanigans<3 last time i posted one it was mean and angsty so here's a sillier one

[mintypsii]

usopp drunkenly rambling about the veggie kids, talking about how much he misses them and reminiscing about how they used to play pirates together all the time. Sanji (a lightweight) interjects with "oh haha you used to talk to inanimate objects to make up for your lack of friends too? i had a pumpkin girlfriend for a week!" and usopp has to pause for a second and then explain that the veggie kids are actual children who just resemble vegetables ,,, and asks sanji "...do you wanna elaborate" (sanji runs away in shame)

bonus: the next time usopp sees sanji cutting up a pumpkin for a dish or smthn he yells "SANJI HOW COULD YOU DO THAT... SHE WAS GOING TO BE YOUR WIFE ONE DAY" (he goes red in the face and chases him down with a knife)

[nekoabi]

Fic Masterlist!

I finally made a post version of my masterlist, which allows it to be viewed on mobile! Everything is also available on my AO3, which is also NekoAbi. 

The Five Times Patton Smiled And The One Time It Didn’t Reach His Eyes - Angsty. Romantic Royality. Romantic Prinxiety. Implied NSFW. College AU. School AUri

Admitting It - Romantic Logicality. Kiss. Sleepy boys. Terrible Title Syndrome.

Stitches -  Hurt/Comfort. Platonic Moxiety. Patton tears.

Falling For You - MASTERLIST! Romantic Logicality. Romantic Prinxiety. Platonic LAMP. One-sided (for now). Implied NSFW dreams. Implied wet dream. Swearing. Logan and Roman being know-it-all lil pieces of shit. School AU.

Planning - Platonic LAMP. Fluffy shenanigans.

Snow - Platonic LAMP. Virgil enjoys the snow. Pain mention, Self-inflicted pain.

Calm - Platonic LAMP. Its a calm day and Virgil gets introspective. Food mention.

Library - MASTERLIST! MASTERLIST (Rewrite) Library AU. All pairings, a different pairing each chapter, ending with LAMP. Cute fluff. Falling in love in different ways. Logan, head librarian. Patton, hired work. Virgil, volunteer. Roman, volunteer.

Too Close For Comfort - Past Prinxiety. Crying, Break Up. Roman is processing a break up, maybe some music can help.

Royality vs. Analogical - Romantic Royality, Romantic Analogical. Food mention, kissing. Each relationship is different; some are loud, some are quiet.

Nerdy - MASTERLIST! Romantic Logince. High School AU. Logan’s always been a lone wolf, but recently someone’s just been playing on his mind.

Fragrance of Dark Coffee - Romantic Prinxiety. Angst. Major Character Death Prior To Events. Influenced by Ace Attorney.

On the Verge of a Heartbreak - MASTERLIST! Eventual Moxiety. Angst in later chapters. School AU.

His Last Chance - Prinxiety. Angst. Implied cheating, lots of sadness.

Prompt Fill Fic Collection - University AU. Most LAMP ships. A collection of 9 prompt fill fics.

Logan’s Birthday - Written for Logan’s Birthday 2018. Platonic LAMP. Food mention, happy crying.

Tea Break -  Patton finds Roman having some issues with homework. Platonic Royality. Food mention. School AU.

Hands - Soft Logince. Roman’s frustrated by something.

Of Princes and Potions - MASTERLIST! Pining Logince. Royal Fantasy AU. Sympathetic Deceit. Mentions of war and injury. Chapter 6 involves blood, swords, knives, injury and strong anxiety attack parallels.

Rain On Me/You’re Perfect/The Way You Held My Hand/Stupid Band - School AU. Virgil is new to the school, meets a cute boy, can’t handle it. Themes of personal isolation.Chapter 3 had allusion to self-harm and talk of injury. Based off of a songs from Emo the Musical.

If I Can’t Love Her - Based off of a song of the same name. Roceit. Sympathetic Deceit. Roman hears a new singing voice, and needs to find out who it is.

Perfect - Romantic Royality. Kissing, Playfighting. Roman and Patton begin by playfighting, end up doing something they didn’t expect.

My Hero - Romantic Moceit. Kidnapping, Gangs, Violence, Fighting. Patton is kidnapped, and all he wants is for his boyfriend to come and save him... but that would never happen... right?

Ultraviolet - Logince. Past Prinxiety. Swearing, alcohol mention, past FWB relationship. Roman’s crushing on a fellow teacher and his inner performer can really help with that.

Bad Day - Implied Romantic Mox. Panic attack. Virgil has a bad day, Patton knows how to help.

Animals Know Best - Logicality. Prinxiety. Soulmate AU. Everyone has a partner animal that chooses them which not only has traits of their soulmate, but will also lead them to their soulmate. Virgil doesn’t believe in it all too much, until he can’t help but admit it.

Insomnia - Remile. Insomnia talk, mention of sleep therapy, mention of smoking. Remy’s dealing with some really bad insomnia and he’s referred to a sleep specialist. Yet the most interesting thing is the receptionist who works there...

Torn Apart - Heavy Angst with a happy ending. Lots of violence; stabbing, cutting off limbs, strangulation, choking, head injuries. Wrath is an OC of mine, he’s an angry man. Virgil sets him off. It’s a bad time.

Lullaby for a Duke - Remus mention. Based off of Lullaby for a Princess, an MLP song and animation.

Ranking Up - MASTERLIST! Splatoon Sides. Deceit and Remus are involved. 

Lies - Virgil-centric. Angst. Unhappy Ending. Suicide, Alcohol, Dangerous Driving, Car Crash, Death, Suicide (both implied and described), Implied Abusive Deceit. Based off of Lies by McFly.

This Day Aria - Villain!Deceit. Based off of the same song from MLP:FiM.

It’s (Im)possible - Roceit. “What you just asked for is impossible” and “Fuckbuddies falling in love”.

I’m Fine! - School AU. Roman’s sent to the councillor’s office against his will. Sure, he may have mentioned something in drama, but he’s fine!

Headache - No AU. Thomas has a headache and it affects where the sides reside... and to Roman more than the others.

Paint Me - Royality. Human AU. Struggling artist Roman needs some inspiration and the stranger knocking at his door is just what he needs. Based off of Paint Me from Firebringer.

To Love a Remus - Demus. No AU. Remus is an idiot, but Deceit thinks he’s hot anyway. Blood and Injury mention. Birthday fic for @doces-e--tuga

Virgil the Small Purple Emo - Moxiety. Love Makes You Grow AU. Virgil was unloved at a young age and stopped growing. A chance meeting might change his life. Secret Santa for @midnightsdarkangel (also my first and probably last attempt at GT)

Battle Bonds - No AU. Thomas is on a Pokemon kick and its affecting his imagination more than he could... well... imagine.

Theatre Technicians are basically Vampires - Vampire/Human AU. They all live in one house, work at the same place and are vampires. Angst included about their pasts which include the following: attacks, blood, talk of death, injury, scarring and attempted suicide.

Recreating - MASTERLIST! No ships. No AU. Thomas liked to watch Disney movies. That fact was one of the least surprising things about him. He could sit down and watch almost any of the Disney movies and have a wonderful time. Sometimes, scenes from those movies got stuck in his head. He never thought anything of it. 

Love on the Fly Floor - Theatre AU. Prinxiety, Roman is crushing bad on one of the flymen for the show he’s on. When his birthday rolls around, the cast and crew give him a surprise.

While The Sides Are Away, Virgil Will Play - No AU. The sides have a day out and leave Virgil at home. They don’t expect to come home to him looking... like that.

How Not to Help Your Nerd Boyfriend Find a Swimsuit - Human AU. Intrulociet. Logan needs a swimsuit. His boyfriends want to help. They are no help. Birthday fic for @cloverlyanxious/ @maeofclubsandart

Pier Pressure - Human AU. Logince/Pining Moxiety. The four go to the lake to hang out, Roman’s mad that his brother and friend are so clearly into each other but not taking the hint.

The 5 Times Patton Tripped and the 1 Time He Fell (In Love) - Human AU. 5+1 fic. Moxiety. Patton falls a lot, has done since birth. Doesn’t mean everyone’s used to it.

Remus Kidnaps You - Idk AU... mix of canon and human, maybe? No Ship. Remus kidnaps you to play with your hair. That’s about it.

Oh My God, They Were Roommates - Human/College AU. Prinxiety. Virgil meets an old friend, gets a crush on him, walks into him basically naked, freaks out. Ends happy.

Heatwave - Sides-Are-English Human AU.  There’s a heatwave. All the roommates are shedding their usual clothing for something cooler, except one.

Explainable Coincidences - Human/Teen AU. The twins explore an abandoned hotel, but they didn’t expect others to be there too.

Don’t Think Twice - Human AU. Song Fic. Roceit. It’s the happiest day of their lives, yet they still reflect on where they started from.

Keeping It Quiet - Human/Influencer AU. Prinxiety. Virgil and Roman keep their relationship quiet on social media. Not silent, just quiet.

Don’t Drink And Livestream, Especially When You’re Famous - Human/Famous AU. Platonic Roceit. Being drunk, drinking, kissing. Janus tries to help his friend get over his ex.

A Simple Mistake With A Simple Solution - Human AU. Logince. Roman messes up, Logan’s pissed. Roman makes it easy.

Skipping Ahead A Few Steps - Human AU. Logicality. Patton brings a dog home, Logan’s baffled and confused.

Oh How The Tables Have Turned... - Royal AU. Roceit, background Intrulogical. Roman’s brother likes Roman’s retainer. Roman doesn’t think he likes his brother’s. He’s wrong.

Just Like In The Fairy Tales - Semi-Fantasy/Royal AU. Royality. Patton sneaks off to his favourite place to enjoy the view.

An Apple A Day... Hurts Like A Bitch - No AU. Platonic Sides. The 5 times Janus got apples thrown at him and the 1 time he threw one at everyone else.

–

TVFH Related Stories

Pocky Day - Written for Pocky Day 2018. Shenanigans with TVFH cast and the pocky game.

Coffee Break - Virgil returns to his room and finds Reggie having problems with homework. School AU.

House Party - Roman throws a house party after a show. Mention of drunken behaviour and alcohol.

Beach Trip -  It’s hot, the gang decide to go to the beach. The night before, shenanigans ensue. Sexual implications. Relia focused.

--

FFXV Fics

Type Found - Pokemon AU. Prompto finds a Pokemon in an imperial base, saves it and plot things happen. The boys have partner pokemon.

Hair Troubles - No AU. Ignis can’t get his hair right and it’s frustrating. Prompto steps in to help.

Prompto’s Bike - Pre-Roadtrip. OT4 Chocobros. Prompto has a motorbike. The other bros really like it.

Cor’s Cooking Lesson - Pre-Roadtrip. Cor finds young Ignis attempting to cook and helps out.

[damnfinecup]

♠

For every ♠ I receive, I will post a headcanon about my muse!BONUS: Specify a topic and I’ll make it about that topic!

( beats fists on table )  DALE ! BARTHOLOMEW ! COOPER ! IS ! CHAOTIC ! GOOD ! AT ! BEST !

i made a post a bit earlier abt this perception of dale that he’s a cinnamon roll, and like.  it bothers me so much.  but i also totally get it because i used to feel the same until i read my life, my tapes.  however:  even if you have been only introduced to the show, putting dale under the category of lawful good is Horrendous and Shameful, how very dare of u.  in the show i could understand someone maybe thinking he’s neutral good, but he’s totally chaotic good, and tbh as a kid and growing up he was probably even on the chaotic neutral side cause he was Wild AF.  every time this happens i clench my fist and run through an itemized list of everything fbi special agent dale cooper has ever done to completely contradict this.  off the top of my head:

he broke into a girl’s sexual/reproductive education class, and his reasoning was For Science

he spies on his best friend’s / neighbor’s sister, marie schlurman (MARIE IS SO IMPORTANT !!!) through her open curtains, making special note to his recorder when she’s naked, and other general shenanigans that comes with spying on young girls

he got mad when a girl he liked ended up dating another girl, and got Real Extra, Real Quick.  he considered:  poisoning himself to get her attention, lighting her house on fire while everyone was out of the house before offering her a place to stay at his home, just straight up lighting the rival girlfriend’s house on fire, or forget the girl and become a better boy scout.  “Each plan has merit, and risk.  Though all, I believe, will be very satisfying in the end.”

then he just blew up the rival girlfriend’s mailbox because nothing is a better time than hate crimes when you’re an angsty 15 year old

it’s implied that he poisoned the food of a rival boy scout’s group when they were terrorizing his troop.  he was pleased to announce:  “The Nazis suffered a mysterious case of food poisoning.  Much vomiting and retching could be heard all last night.  Never slept better.”

he doesn’t like birds because he was attacked by one one time, so he killed a crow for no apparent reason, and proceeded to have an existential crisis (aka the quote from my promo lmao)

instead of just going home with his boy scout troop after their jamboree-thing, he decided Fuck The Bus, and he went on a mini adventure over three days where he traveled home by himself, primarily spending his time with some drugged-up hippy lesbians.  “I am driving.  I do not have a license.  I have never driven before, and am driving around in a vehicle that I believe could put a drugstore out of business.  April said I would do just fine and kissed me very long and hard.  If caught, will probably spend most of my life in jail.  Strangely, I do not seem to care.  It has stopped raining.  April and Star are under the pyramid in a sleeping bag making love.”  they stopped and camped outside, the two girls were high, and dale got really drunk while april ran around naked and star slept on a rock.

there’s the july fourth fiasco with marie where they ran through the woods stripping, started messing around, but then the forest caught on fire from the fireworks

he said Fuck School, and got his GED instead of bothering even starting his junior year of high school, and proceeded to fuck off to Who Knows Where for 3 fucking years at the age of 16 ??  dale’s dad is chaotic too like tf ya lettin a 16 yr old boy just walk off with $1,000 in his pocket on a soul-search.  what kind of advice is “watch out for bad water and snakes.”  got me messed up, no wonder dale is too

literally all we know about this time period is that he traveled far and wide, and needed a ship ??  boi

the two choices he gave himself after he got back were:  join the circus or start college.  he looked into the circus and they didn’t really want him.

he went to haverford (all boys) and constantly hung around bryn mawr (all girls), got naked and drunk at a bryn mawr party, and then snuck off to have sex in the grass with a girl and barely didn’t get caught

he started dating that girl and she was married and he kept dating her anyways until she broke up with him lmao

he went to new york city and got chased around by robbers, then by a jealous boyfriend of an artist, then by cops and protesters.  he ended up in jail for the night.

he went to vegas and started card counting and got kicked out of a casino

then he met a girl who loved coffee and he was smitten but she was celibate and all he talked about was when she was going to Not Be That Way.  he never pressured her, but the reason she was celibate was because she had insecurities she had to fix about her relationship with her mother.  ends up her mom had slept with her last boyfriend.  

long story short:  dale almost slept with her mother

almost only because his girlfriend set the house on fire and interrupted

despite finding out she was an arsonist, he wholly welcomed her when she said she was ready to have sex.  while in the driver’s seat of the car.  they ended up breaking the seat and turning off the parking break, sending them down the hill.

then she went to the psychiatric hospital because maybe arsonists aren’t mentally doin too hot (hahahahahahahahhaha kill me)

skipping ahead and relevant to the way he treats his lovers:  CAROLINE EARLE…….  HIS PARTNER’S WIFE.  ALSO MARRIED.  

the sanctimony of marriage:  hey dale could you not

dale:  new phone who dis

even in the show he ogles audrey and the only reason they weren’t a Thing is for reasons related to real life:  i.e. Lara Flynn Boyle dating Kyle Maclachlan at the time and getting jealous, so literally dale’s positive character development was only caused by LFB being a controlling girlfriend ???  so here’s my uncertain thanks, i guess, lara lol

he has no qualms with the bookhouse boys, literally a group of vigilantes

there was also the whole part where he was suspended from the FBI, i mean

anyways this list is already too long but honestly calling coop lawful anything is wildly inaccurate.  tbh he sort of just joined the FBI because it was where he was being called to more in a destined way because he clearly has trouble with the morality of upholding laws that are unjust in his moral compass (he grew up during Vietnam, and his brother fled to Canada, he saw a man arrested at his school for dodging the draft; he had personal experience with how the law was shitty before he ever signed up).  the only reason, imo, dale makes a “good” agent is due to his personality often working well with the role, his goals often align, but he doesn’t actually………  seem to care that much what others deem good, let alone the law.  he just does what he thinks is right or AT LEAST okay because he’s kind of morally dubious at times (thus i think chaotic good-neutral flux is the best alignment for him).