#i love drawing winter stuff when ive never seen like... snow snow

[timothvy]

winter walks >_<

[petekaos]

all the way home i’ll be warm;

dec 18th brought one of the most wonderful people into the world! this is for @earthfluuke. maddie - words cannot express how much our friendship means to me. whether it’s rambling about aus that we will never write, or watching obscure and mediocre shows from five years ago, or just talking about the snow... it’s all so heartwarming! sometimes i still can’t believe the fact that we’re 7 hours apart and still manage to talk every day - or maybe that says more about our sleep schedules than anything. either way, i love you, maddie! i hope you have the best day, regardless of everything going on 💛

quick disclaimer for anyone who’s reading who isn’t me or madeline: non in this universe is our hc of non, not the non we see in the show. obviously the things he does in the show are damaging and indefensible. the only thing these two share is the same name. 

Family isn’t about blood. It’s about belonging, in the end. Pete and Kao’s little family throughout the winters.

i. six years old

“Is that snow?” asks Achara, eyes widening as she sits on the couch, pointing at the television. She’s curled up in the small blanket Mork had gotten her when she’d first come to live with Pete and Kao, holding a small teddy bear to her chest. Kao’d just picked her up from school on his way back. He looks up now from the kitchen, laying his knife to the side, peering around to see what she’s looking at. “The stuff falling from the sky.”

Kao moves around the kitchen counter to settle down next to Achara on the couch. Her hand closes around the edge of the blanket and draws it over him. It only covers half his leg from the size of it, but it’s the thought that counts, as Kao smiles, making sure the blanket is covered over his daughter. “What’re you watching?” he asks, blinking at the television. “Yeah, tii rak, that’s snow.”

“Have you ever seen snow before?” she asks, nudging his side, her eyes wide. “In real life?”

Kao shakes his head, leaning back. “I was born and brought up here. I haven’t even been further than Phuket - that’s ten hours away. Your dad, on the other hand...”

“P’Mork says he’s rich,” says Achara, and Kao has to stifle a laugh. 

“Yeah, your P’Mork has a point,” he says, pausing the cartoon. “Pete’s seen snow, I’m sure he can show you some pictures. Either way - what do you want for dinner?”

“Well, I want red curry,” says a voice from behind them. Kao’s mouth curls into an automatic smile as Pete presses a soft kiss to both his and Achara’s heads in turn. “Kaooo, can we have red curry?”

“If you show Achara your baby pictures in the snow, then anything can be done,” says Kao, and Pete groans. 

“I’ll have to dig those out of the attic,” he says, flopping down on the couch next to Achara, tucking the blanket around her. “You want to go see snow, baby?”

“Can we?” says Achara, turning to him. “Right now? That would be so cool!” 

“We’re not going anywhere right now,” says Kao, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “Maybe during the holidays - when you don’t have school and your father and I don’t have to work.”

“Promise?” she says, looking up to the both of them. “Really?”

Kao shrugs. “Like Mork said - Pete is rich,” he says, and is immediately met with a cushion thrown with the force of a thirty-something year old man with a vengeance. “He can take us anywhere, any time.”

“That’s not true - don’t listen to him,” says Pete, rolling his eyes. “Or your uncle, for that matter. We’ll see snow at some point, okay? Until then - red curry.”

Achara shakes her head. “Pictures first!” she says, and Kao holds his hand out for a high-five, grinning when she slaps his hand down. 

“That’s my girl,” he says, pressing a kiss to her hair.

ii. eight years old

“Did you pack the gloves?” asks Kao, keeping an eye on Achara as she bounds forward on the small pathway alongside the street.

Pete procures two sets of gloves from his seemingly endless jacket pockets. “Here they are,” he says, pressing them to Kao’s chest. “She has hers on, right?”

Kao laughs. “Have you looked at her?” he asks. “She looks like a little snowman herself, I think I bundled her into every layer possible.”

“Hey, she looks cute,” says Pete, nudging him. “Por’s gonna have a field day with all the pictures I’m going to take.”

“Did you call him today morning?” he asks, pulling his gloves on. “Tii rak, don’t wander off too far!”

“Yeah, Por!” calls back Achara, her scarf fluttering in the wind as she twirls around down the street. “The snow’s so cool!”

“Don’t run!” yells Pete, gloved hand reaching out to curl a finger around Kao’s. “Yeah, I called my dad. He said Non’s been stressing, cooking a lot for the two people living there. Too bad he couldn’t come with us, huh?”

Kao’s grip on his hand tightens as they make their way down the snowy little path. As promised two years ago, they’d found enough time to take off for a small trip to Japan, where it snows and of which Achara had been telling her friends at school all month - disappointed, however, that her big brother couldn’t come with them. “Well, he has his exams,” he says, bumping shoulders with Pete. “He can come with us next time.”

Pete’s mouth pulls into a frown. “He must be feeling pretty bad.”

“We’ll call him afterwards,” says Kao, as they come out to a little clearing. “It’ll be just fine.”

“Pa!” comes Achara’s calls from the distance. She’s rolled up a little ball of snow, waving for them with a bright smile on her face. Her cheeks are red and rosy from the cold. “Come, help me build a snowman!”

“Alright, little tangerine, we’ll be right there!” calls Pete, cupping his hands around his mouth. “We need to film all of this for everyone, right?”

“Here, give me your phone,” says Kao, holding his hand out for Pete to press his phone into, watching fondly as Pete rushes over to help her pack more snow onto the sides of the little ball she’s rolled up. He clicks the recording button and watches as Achara chases Pete around with a snowball in her hand, and giggles quietly to himself. “Hey, N’Non, this drama’s for you.”

iii. thirteen years old

“Tell me it’s not tangerine pie,” says Non, circling the corner. Achara looks up from where she’s rolling the pie crust out, sticking her tongue out at him.

“It’s winter, we have to make tangerine pie,” she says, elbowing him. “It’s like a ritual.”

“It’s not a ritual,” says Non, but flicks the tap on to wash his hands. “We have tangerine pie in the spring, the summer...”

Kao flings some of the filling at him. “Yeah, yeah, shut your mouth. Don’t be like your father. Come on, now, wash up and help us.”

“What’s wrong with Pete?” says Non, swiping the cinnamon off the shelf. “You’ve put us through so much tangerine pie - I think we’re entitled to hate it sometimes.”

“I can remember a time you used to hate Pete with every fibre of your being, N’Non,” says Kao, and Non takes after Achara - sticking his tongue out at him. “Aw, what are you, thirteen? No offense, tii rak.”

“That was a darker time,” says Non, mixing the cinnamon in with the filling. “And we’re never telling N’Achara about it.”

“I’ve been asking you for a decade, come on, P’,” says Achara, pouting at him. “I deserve it as compensation for having to explain my entire life that you’re my brother and not my father.”

“When you’re older, maybe,” says Non, flicking water at her. “Grow up a bit, kiddo.”

A knock on the door sounds, and they turn around to see Pete, his shoulders drooping and his eyebags pronounced deep under his eyes. “Hey,” he says, brushing the hair out of his face. “Everyone’s gathered in one room - what’s the special occasion?”

“Tangerine pie,” says Non, and Pete rolls his eyes, rubbing at his eyes, yawning.

“Of course that’s the occasion,” he says, dropping his briefcase by the door and wandering into the kitchen to tuck his head into the crook of Kao’s shoulder. “Hello. I need a nap.”

Achara squints at him. “Tough day at work, Pa?”

“Toughest,” says Pete, yawning again. “But I’m home now. And apparently, I can look forward to some tangerine pie in an hour or two.”

Kao rolls his eyes. “I’ll make you your red curry,” he says, and Pete smiles.

“Thanks, babe,” he says, and Achara fake retches, turning her eyes away to Non.

“Bet you’re glad I’m your brother now, huh?” he says, poking her in the stomach with the back of the spatula. “So you don’t have to go through this alone.”

“When have I ever had to go through anything alone?” asks Achara, nodding her head at Pete and Kao just a little away from them. Non glances at them, seeing the latest picture of the wall of them with everyone else - Thada and June, Sandee and Kitty, Mork and Sun, Rain and Manaow - at the café, and nods in quiet agreement.

iv. sixteen years old

“Snow again!” yells Achara, running out into the very small pathway she ran out into years ago. “Look at this, P’Mork!”

“Yeah, Charie, I’m seeing it,” calls Mork, nodding at Sun to follow him. “Hey, Kao, does she have some gloves on?”

“I heard that, and I’m sixteen!” 

“Sixteen doesn’t exempt you from wearing gloves!” calls Kao, pressing the gloves into Mork’s hand. “Take this with you.”

“You got it, boss,” says Mork, saluting him and heading down the pathway with Sun. Non begins to jog down after him, but Pete stops him midway, handing him a beanie.

“Hey, I’m only three years younger - “

“Three years younger and you still live in my house, so you have to live by my rules,” says Pete, and Non rolls his eyes at him. “Don’t you roll your eyes at me, young man, take the damn beanie.”

Non sighs and takes the beanie in his hand, flying off down the pathway. “I only have a room at your house!” 

Pete shakes his head. “Kids these days...”

Thada laughs under his breath. “He’s three years younger than us,” he says, elbowing him. “I cannot believe you sometimes. You’ve become such a dad.”

“I am a dad,” says Pete, flicking Thada in the forehead. “Just because you don’t have kids.”

“And all the better for it,” he says. “Just means I can spoil yours, right?”

“You’re banned from buying Achara anything for a couple of months still,” says Kao, unpacking a box from his satchel. “Hey, anyone want tangerine pie?”

A chorus of groans echo around the circle, Kitty being the only one to show any excitement and accept a slice. “Why would you bring tangerine pie to Japan?” asks June, hanging his head in disbelief. “We’re in a different country.”

“Change of country doesn’t mean a change in my behaviour,” says Kao cheerfully, tucking into a slice himself. He watches as everyone wanders in front of them, Kitty hooking arms with Sandee and trying to get her to try a slice of the pie, insisting it’s a new recipe. Pete takes that moment to hook his arm with Kao’s, grinning as him as they make their way further into the snow.

“Good day, huh?” he says, putting the box back into his bag. 

“Good day,” says Kao, leaning in to kiss his cheek. “You got my gloves?”

Pete holds up two. “Always do,” he says, and they watch as Achara and Non fling snowballs at each other, teaming up to ambush Mork as he comes out into the clearing. Pete yells in excitement, dragging Kao along with him to help them, and in this one exhilarating moment - 

- life is good.

[coolgirl]

Jason expert rate Jason’s designs

sorry for being late i was busy with school but now i’m free so to celebrate. jason indulgence.

pre-crisis not robin

very cute. i like that it has a lil more of flair to it? the collar and the lines on the gloves and the shorter cape.. also love it has pants. king rlly king. wonder if they already knew he was gonna be robin anyways or if they were still considering nightbird. anyways, 8/10 bc its cute

pre & post-crisis robin (bc its basically the same)

i mean its a classic.. however it reminds me jason was the only robin who was simply given dick’s clothes rather than like. have an unique look? which sucks. 7/10 middle child syndrome is REAL

post-crisis robin (winter edition)

OKAY NOW THIS. i absolutely love. is it tacky? oh yes without a doubt. i still love the pants and the sleeves. finally winter clothes for this child, especially considering his new titans scene where he was bitching about the costume not being snow proof. he got what he wanted! 9/10

new 52/rebirth costume by

EPIC. IDC I LOVE IT.the circles on his arms and his boots.. the lines on his legs.. i just love it. i love the red mask too… it feels.. not more unique, but feels more jason-y than the other costume. 10/10

NOW. onto older stuff

hush

as u can see im VERY confusion about the pouches and the straps?? why??? whats the purpose.. generally its fine. the white strand moved a nation and i think the chest piece is cool, but everything else.. uglee. like the long as hell jacket and him looking 40 years old like why r u 19 looking like fifty? ugly white man. 5/10

winicks/utrh version

LITERALLY A CLASSIC. i love this costume sooo much. like jason obviously grew out of it, as in it wouldnt make sense for him anymore to go with something like this as his main costume because i feel like this fit the utrh mood (him not veing a vigilante/hero/villain whatver but trying to be a mob boss n shit) and it just. fucks. i love the helmet just being plain with no stupid mouth or nose shape. i simply love it. 10/10

nigthwing

its just. its just the nightwing costume. didnt even try he just stole that from dick. he still rocks it and looks better than dick, and u gotta give him points for accessorizing with his dagger. 7/10

red robin 

im not. a big fan of this costume.. i think the cowl is ugly, it just does not work for someone as big as jason… however i do like why he took this mantle and what it meant.. 6/10 no words head empty. 

oh brother. furryman

ITS SUCH AN UGLY COSTUME. muzzle batman walked so muzzle red hood could run. its just. ugly like ugly. i dont like the ears or again the muzzle or whatever the hell is going on in the arms.. its just so edgy. 5/10

WANNA KNOW WHAT A SEXY EVIL BATMAN COSTUME LOOK LIKE?

Injustice 2 batman

I2 HAD IT IN THE BAG BABY. i like that its like classic batman costume but again! with some jason touches! the red eyes, the electric tiddies making a comeback.. epic genuinely epic. 10/10

and if ur not into evil jason

100% dad ‘i have my life figured out’ batman jason 

just like the nightwing costume this is just. batman costume. nothing special or different from it so its like did u even try? BUT in this scenario it actually means smth that he stuck to bruces costume.. sweet.. but boring. 7/10

speaking of. evil ugly designs. ugh i hate this.

this motherfucker

ive never. ever. felt as humiliated by a costume than thetime jason wore this. like MORTIFYING RLLY. its DISGUSTINGGG. the helmet shape. the fucking WHITE. the SKULL PLEASE WHO DESIGNED THIS WHO HATES ME IN PARTICULAR SO MUCH??? THIS MAN DOES NOT FUCK! HES UGLY! HE STINKS!!!! the red guns are epic that much i can say. LOOK AT THOSE PANS GOD ITS SO HUMILLIATING. 0/10 WORST COSTUME EVER.

HOWEVER. winick and the artist spun GOLD from it, because next time jason wore possibly my favorite costume to date

this motherfucker…2!

like look how much better it looks with a little of swag.. the helmet without eyes.. the belts.. the fucking leather jacket.. keeping the red guns/gloves.. like seriously i dont know a better man. the skull is still awful and i wouldve replaced the white for black and MWAH best costume. like the black part at the top make it all red and the white make it black.. god this jason fucks massively i love him. 11/10 my favorite by a landslide perhaps

new 52/rebirth red hood

OKAY I KNOW theyre slightly different (rebirth has shorter sleeves and a more padded look) but to me its like. same thing. okay i think its.. fine. its not phenomenal but its not ugly.. i like the brown jacket more than the black jacket i have to admit, its more distinctive and i simply like the color more, however i do not.. like jason having the bat symbol.. but thats also a me thing about how badly written this is. anyways. the helmet with the mouth disgusts me and everytime its drawn like that its humilliating. like. 7/10. maybe 7+. when it has the mouth or like nose ANY FACIAL EXPRESSION RLLY its a 5. 

wingman

oh i absolutely despise that helmet. he looks like fucking. terminator. its the ugliest shape ive ever seen and the visor is.. huge. i dont like the shoulder pads either idk what the fuck its going on with the thing around his neck either.. like hes. knockout batman and i HATEEE IT. damians costume slaps tho. i just… its… ugly. like.. 3/10. 

get damian back arc red hood costume

oh im a HUGE fan of this design.i love how his costume is designed in a way thats like. if jason was a dnd character he absolutely would be a tank. the padding, the red undertones everywhere, i just.. love it. i like how all the costumes were done to reflect their personalities you know.. i like this robin red hood hybrid. 9/10 would even say 10/10 bc i just enjoy how gleason draws jason.

red hood/arsenal costume

its like. i dont hate it completely (i love the way the hood+helmet looks) and thats.. yeah thats pretty much all i like about it. i HATEEEE the vest i hate it fr.i hate how huge the sumbol is and idk this costume just does not spark joy. 5/10

outlaw costume

okay this one. this one drives me insane. because like. okay i dig parts of it. i like the lack of sleeves. i like the gloves thingies. i like the hood. i could get aboard him ditching the helmet - it breaks all the damn time anyways. i like the stripes on his pants in the boots. ALL SEPARATE? NEAT. now i hate. hate. the muzzle. like WHY IT LOOKS SO UGLYYY LIKE SO UGLY like unless the artist GETS IT and is SEXY it looks awful. look at this

AWFUL. also like it made sense for when he was on the run and he had to make do and assemble a costume from what he had but like now hes sponsored by lex, get that man a goddamn new suit already please. anyways. 6/10.. like i said i like many elements from it but its still.. kinda ugly all together and depends A LOT on the artist.

three jokers

im torn on this one.. i think its a bit boring.. i dont rlly like the top part, it reminds me SOO much of that one tt issue where he beat the fuck out of tim while wearing a robin costume like i understad the implications of him wearing a costume thats similar to the robin blouse but im not a big fan.. also i prefer the brown leather jacket. its like not his worst costume by far but not the best.. like pretty basic?  i would say 6/10

NOW SOME AUS.

tiny titans & lil gotham

okay these two are like. pretty much the canon versions of robin and red hood HOWEVER they both have details that are different from the original version and DESERVE a mention. the curls on robin jason and jasons red gloves/belt are ICONIC. whoever designed them knew what they were about, so 10/10 best bapy jason.

arkham knight

does the person who designed this know how much theyve done for the lgbt community? i hope they do. i love.. a lot about this costume. i love the ears, i love how techno it is, i love the layers to it.. im.. not a big fan of the whole military thingy but i have to admit that applying it to the design itself is kind of neat.. i love the colors too and how.. practical it is while being. well. kinda dramatic? the whole bat aesthetic.. yeah. i love it. 9/10

arkham red hood

this one.. when u think about it the outlaw version is VEEERY similar to this one: the pants, the hood, the jacket eve. however i like this helmet so much more, i have a weakness for eyeless (??) helmets.. i like the little details of it as well, i remember that pic going around of it being held together with like. fuckign stitches and bandaids. legendary. i love this look, i would say 9+/10

injustice 2 jason

okay gonna go ahead and say it: not a big fan of the helmet. it looks like.. a bug? the lenses do not spark joy. this bitch has many styles and like toners etc and i will no rate them all. i think its a pretty basic design, not the best but not the worst either. like if it was an exam i would make them pass but make faces at what im reading like eeehhhgh. 7/10.

hag jason

middle one is like literally, on the outside and superficial level, just. his usual costume. the jacket and the grey kevlar and the bat. now the gloves are sexy as hell.. and in the whit ebackground one u can appreciate the under costume better and i really like it?? i just.. like the design. I HATE HOWEVER the bat helmet. WHY IS IT HOLLOW?? BITCH HELLO?? AND THE BATMAN SYMBOL DOES NOT MAKE SENSE! and i like things making sense!!!. we will not talk about jason in this book. like.. 8/10. maybe 9 if im feeling it.

hag jason 2: the hagger and the furious

hes just.. a little old man.. he cannot change this.. i like this design. i like seeing jason grow old. wish it wasnt in this context. my father rlly. 8/10

—-

am i forgetting any jays.. i wont do all animated robins because they all look the same and the one that doesnt i do not like. SO HERES my thoughts..

[dantediscoversfic]

Chapter 31: Oscar Ramirez

I got over the flu but it left behind a restless drawn-tight feeling inside me that I couldn’t shake. I went to visit Ari every day but other than that I didn’t leave my room much. My mom finally insisted on scheduling an appointment for me to see one of her counselor colleagues, Oscar Ramirez. I didn’t fight her too hard on it. I knew it was probably a good idea to talk someone. Oscar worked for the same shelter/halfway house my mom did in addition to having an off-site office. I’d met a few of her colleagues before but never Oscar, which made the idea of talking to him easier somehow.

Ari had been released from the hospital for about a week and a half by the time I went to talk to Oscar for the first time. I’d been going over to Ari’s house every day to visit him. Sometimes we’d go for “walk and rolls” around the neighborhood but mostly we hung out in his room. I decided to read The Sun Also Rises aloud to him (mostly because Hemingway’s sparse, terse writing style reminded me of Ari, but I didn’t tell him that). I read a chapter or two each visit and we’d talk about it after. One time we talked about where we’d go if we decided to become dissolute ex-patriots like the characters in the novel and travel the world together. I wanted to go to Paris; Ari wanted to go to Iceland or Norway. When I asked him why, he said he was sick of the Texas heat and wanted to see the Northern Lights.

“I bet there’s no light pollution up there,” he said.

“Sure, no light pollution, but the winter’s colder than a witch’s tit.”

He snorted. “I wouldn’t mind the cold.”

“How do you know? You’ve lived in Texas your whole life.”

“It snows here sometimes, you know. Like two Christmases ago.”

“I know, but El Paso winter is nothing like up there. We’d need to bring special snowsuits and camping gear or risk dying of hypothermia.”

“It’d be worth it though. To go somewhere so remote and cold and quiet.”

“Sounds like you really want to go on vacation to The Fortress of Solitude.”

“Hey, don’t knock The Fortress. A man needs a place where he can be alone and think.”

“And freeze his face and nuts off in the process.”

“That’s just the price you pay to stop everyone being all up in your business all the time. And anyway, Superman is impervious to frost bite. And don’t talk about Superman’s nuts. That’s sacrilegious.”

“I wasn’t talking about Superman’s nuts specifically. Just frozen nuts in general.”

“Okay okay enough with the nuts talk. Jesus.”

“What? They’re just a body part. No weirder than pinky toes or noses.”

“Yeah, okay, whatever. Hey I’m pretty wiped…so…I might take a nap or something.”

Ari’s face was flushed he looked sort of agitated so I cut my visit short after that. I could tell something was off between us but I didn’t try to press him. Sometimes when I went to visit I wasn’t even sure if he wanted me there. I figured he had every reason to be resentful of me. It was my fault he was stuck at home for the rest of the summer, at the mercy of his painfully itchy and useless legs. I was afraid more than anything that he’d want to stop being friends with me if I needled him too much or asked him what was wrong. So it was easier to talk about books or imaginary plans to travel the world together than what I actually wanted to talk about, which was how badly I was going to miss him when we moved and how sorry I still was about the accident.

When the time came for my appointment with the counselor, I was nervous even though I knew seeking counseling was a totally normal thing to do. Nothing to be ashamed of.

“Do I have to lay down on a couch?” I asked my mom on the car ride over.

She smiled. “Of course not. That’s the sort of thing you really only see in movies nowadays.”

“Good, because that part always seemed a little weird. Do I have to analyze my dreams?”

“Only if you want to.”

“What if I run out of things to say and we just stare at each other in awkward silence the whole time?”

“You’ve never had a particular problem with maintaining conversation, Dante. You can talk to him about whatever you want. Or not talk. No pressure.”

What I really wanted to ask her was if she thought the accident had messed me up somehow, or worse, messed Ari up, and that’s the real reason she wanted me to talk to a counselor. Not physically messed us up. But if I’d caused something to get broken inside us. I had no issue with the field of psychiatry in general, seeing as it was my mother’s profession, but I didn’t like the idea of a stranger realizing there was something wrong with me that needed fixing.

Oscar had an office in the El Paso Child and Teen Guidance Center, which was located in a shopping center. That sort of surprised me. I’m not sure what I expected, but it wasn’t the totally mundane looking storefront hiding in plain sight next to a hair salon, pet store and a travel agency. Oscar greeted us at the reception desk, where he kissed my mom on the cheek and shook my hand.

Oscar was around my parents’ age. He was on the stocky side, but not fat or anything. He was the type of solid build that you could describe as equally fitting for a linebacker and a big teddy bear. He had a round, friendly face and close cut salt-and-pepper black hair that didn’t do much to make his appearance less boyish and wholesome. He had a firm handshake and big hands.

“Dante, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Your mom has told me a lot about you.”

“Thanks, you too. I mean, nice to meet you, too.”

After my mom checked me in and filled out some paperwork, she left me with Oscar and told me she’d be waiting for me in the reception area.

Oscar’s office was bright and decorated with colorful furniture, throw rugs and artwork, which also surprised me. In my mind I’d pictured something much more stuffy and clinical. To one side of the room was a small couch and an armchair, both plush and comfy looking; between them was a coffee table with a box of Kleenex on it, which I was determined I would not have to use come hell or high water. On the other side of the room was a kid-sized table and chairs plus art supplies and toy boxes, set up like a mini preschool. Seeing the kid stuff made me feel strange. A little sad for the kids who needed to come in here. The office also had a desk, several bookshelves, and a beverage station. Overall it felt more like a living room than an office.

Oscar gestured toward the couch. “Please, take a seat. Make yourself comfortable. Do you want some water? Tea?”

“I’m okay.”

Oscar sat down in the armchair across from me. “So, Dante. Before we get started, I just wanted to let you know that even though your mother and I are colleagues and she let me know a little bit about why she wanted you to come see me today, I want you to feel like this is a safe space to share anything that’s on your mind with the understanding that I take your trust and confidentiality seriously.”

“Even though I’m a minor and you’re legally allowed to tell my parents what we discuss?” I asked. I’d done my research about confidentiality ahead of time. More than the accident I wanted to talk about what it meant that I loved my best friend who was a boy, but I’d decided already to keep that part of me sealed in the vault no matter what. I couldn’t be 100% sure he wouldn’t tell my parents about that.

Oscar smiled. “You are definitely Soledad’s son. Yes, you’re absolutely correct. Even though you’re a minor I would breach confidentiality only if I was worried for your personal safety or the safety of others or in the rare instance that my notes were subpoenaed by a court order.”

“Wow, that would be pretty badass.”

Oscar raised an eyebrow but was still grinning. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

“Sure, yeah. I was just joking. Discussion of client confidentiality protocol: check.”

It was a relief to hear him say he wasn’t going to tell my parents everything we talked about, but I still wasn’t quite ready to dive right into the accident.

“I like your office,” I said, stalling. I pointed to the kids’ area. “Do you work with a lot of children?”

“A fair number.”

“Do you do art therapy with them?”

“Sometimes. It depends on the child.”

“I’ve read all about the field of art therapy. I think it’s fascinating. If I don’t become a professional artist I might become an art therapist.”

“Would you like to do any drawing right now? We could start with some art exercises if you’re not in the mood to talk at the moment.”

“No, that’s okay. It’s hard for me to draw because of my broken arm. I’m a right-y. But thanks for offering.”

“So you’re okay to talk?”

I nodded.

“I’m glad. So, I understand from your mother that you and a friend of yours were involved in a car accident about three weeks ago and she’s concerned you haven’t been quite yourself since. That you’ve been having nightmares and seem much more withdrawn than usual. Do you want to talk about the accident? Or about what’s been on your mind?”

“So she already told you what happened?”

“Briefly. But I’d like to hear it from you, if you feel comfortable talking about it.”

“Well, it’d been raining and I went out into the street and didn’t see a car coming.” For some reason I didn’t want to tell him about the injured bird I’d seen. “Ari pushed me out of the way of the car and broke both his legs and his arm. He could have died but he didn’t.”

“Ari is your friend?”

“Yeah, my best friend.”

“How is he handling everything?”

“Um. Ok. I dunno. He can be kind of hard to read sometimes. They recently let him out of the hospital. He’s stuck in casts for the rest of the summer because of me.”

“And how have you felt since the accident?”

“I think my mom is worried that I’m showing signs of anxiety, depression and PTSD and that’s why they want me to talk to you. But I don’t have PTSD.”

“No?”

“No. I looked it up in the DSM-IV.” I ticked each symptom off with my fingers. “I’m not having recurring flashbacks or panic attacks. I’m not avoiding cars or the street. I’m not having angry outbursts. Well, I’m still kind of pissed at my parents about deciding to move to Chicago but that’s a different thing. Yeah, my dreams have been a little weird and I’m not sleeping great but that’s because my arm cast is so annoying. So I think we can safely say I don’t have PTSD. Possibly a little low-level anxiety. But I do deep breaths if I start feeling weird.”

“I don’t want to rule anything out just yet, but I’m happy to hear you’re listening to your body and your emotions. What do you mean when you say you start feeling weird?”

“I guess…sad. Stomach crampy. Frustrated. I think I’m worried about Ari. About how he’s recovering. About not being able to help him when we move.”

“It sounds to me like you might blame yourself for what happened to Ari.”

“Well, yeah, because it was my fault.”

“Who said it was your fault?”

“No one said it was my fault. But it obviously was.”

“Why do you feel that way?”

“It’s not feelings, it’s the facts. I went out to the street, I wasn’t paying attention and Ari got hurt because I was stupid and off in my own little world instead of paying attention to the road. And the thing about Ari is, he doesn’t like it when I’m upset, so he only let me apologize once and then he said we’re not allowed to talk about the accident anymore. He has some kind of stoic boy code about it. He wants to pretend it never happened.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Well, I don’t think we should, you know, dwell on it or anything. But I want him to know how sorry I am that I almost got him killed and ruined the rest of his summer.”

“Did Ari say anything like that to you? That you ruined his summer?”

“No. But he’s not big on talking anyway. But, like I said before, it’s a fact. Now he’s stuck in a wheelchair until his legs heal and he can’t do anything except hang around his house and read books and I know he’s pissed about it even if he won’t say anything.”

“Has he ever expressed anger or regret about what he did? That he saved your life?”

“No. Nothing like that. He’s just been moody and sullen. I mean, he’s been in a lot of pain so I don’t blame him for being crabby. I just don’t want him to hate me.”

“Why do you think he would hate you? It seems to me to be quite the opposite, that he cares about you very much. Do you want to tell me about him? How did you two become friends?”

“We met at the pool. I offered to give him swimming lessons. Because he didn’t know how to swim properly.”

“You like to swim?”

“Almost more than anything. Well, I like swimming, reading, drawing, stargazing and hanging out with Ari pretty much equally.” I lifted my cast arm and pulled a face. “Now my life is pretty much limited to reading and hanging out with Ari and teaching myself to become ambidextrous. Not that I’m complaining. I mean, I’m lucky to be alive. I know it’s babyish but I miss swimming with him. I wish I could retcon the whole day of the accident.”

“Retcon?”

“Oh that’s a comic book thing. Basically when the writers change things retroactively in a story to make up for continuity errors. Sort of like a big do-over. Usually that sort of thing bugs the heck out of me because it seems so lazy. But I get the appeal now. Like you have God’s big eraser.”

“It’s natural to wish you could change the past so easily. But it’s equally important to learn how to move forward. And to not beat yourself up over something you can’t change.”

I shrugged and picked at my cast. “I just keep thinking that if it had been Ari in the middle of the road, I wouldn’t have been able to save him. I wouldn’t have been fast or strong enough. He was like Superman, the way he dove at me and pushed me out of the way.”

“Why do you think you wouldn’t have been able to help him if your roles were reversed?”

“Because when I saw the car coming, I just froze.”

“That could have been your body experiencing a fight or flight reaction. And also Ari saw the car coming whereas you did not, yes? So he had more time to think and react.”

“But still, I don’t think I could ever be as brave as he was.”

“You may be underestimating yourself and your strength. It sounds to me like you’re beating yourself up about a theoretical past as well as construing what actually happened to place all the blame on yourself. Just imagine what the people driving the car must have felt like. They most likely felt guilt as well. But motor accidents happen so quickly, in a blink of an eye, that it’s not helpful to play the blame game after the fact, particularly if it’s determined that the driver wasn’t under the influence of drugs or alcohol and the accident was just that: an accident. I would advise you to try not to blame yourself for the actions of others. And if that’s difficult, you may want to ask yourself, what am I getting out of continuing to blame myself for something that was out of my control?”

I didn’t quite know what to say to that.

He must have seen my confusion so he rephrased his question. “In other words, are you holding onto feelings of guilt and shame because you don’t think you’re worthy of having a friend who cares about you enough to put his own life in danger to save yours?”

I didn’t think I was worthy of it. But thinking about that made me start to feel like I might cry, which I had been determined not to do, so I clamped down and said nothing for awhile.

After a bit of silence Oscar said, “You know, I never read comics but my daughter loves them.”

“Really? Which ones? Betty and Veronica?”

“Actually The X-Men is her favorite. She loves all the Saturday morning cartoons based on comics, too.”

“How old is she?”

“Twelve.”

“And she doesn’t think X-Men is too scary?”

“Well, she’s always been a tough little cookie. Never was into any of the princess stuff. Except She-Ra Princess of Power. She adores She-Ra.”

“She-Ra is pretty rad.”

“Do you have a favorite comic?”

“Ari teases me about it, but I really like Archie. He thinks they’re lame. Which, sure, yeah, they can be pretty cheesy. But I don’t like the really dark comics.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s no rule that says you have to like all the same things your friends do.”

“Believe me I know that. I know I’m a little weird.”

“What makes you say that?”

“It’s not a secret or anything. Ari’s the first guy I’ve met my age who really gets me. I’ve never really had a best friend like him before. Not since we moved to El Paso anyway. I had a best friend in California but that was already years ago. We hardly see each other or write letters anymore.”

“And you’re worried that the accident and the move to Chicago will have a negative impact on your friendship with Ari? That you’ll lose touch and stop being friends? And you blame yourself for this future you see happening?”

I nodded, hoping to dislodge the traitorous lump that was forming in my throat.

“You’ve told me Ari hasn’t expressed anger or regret to you about the accident. It sounds to me like he values you and your friendship very much. He values you enough to have put himself at risk when he saw you were in danger. This doesn’t sound to me like a fair weather friend. And there are many ways to stay in touch. You can write letters and talk on the phone.”

“Sure, yeah.”

“I’d like to circle back to what you said at the start, about you being insistent about not having PTSD.”

“Okay…”

“It’s important to remember that everyone reacts to stress and trauma differently. You have in fact experienced a traumatic event. Your life and the life of your best friend was put in danger. For many people, acute stages of trauma may occur two to four weeks after the event itself. So it’s totally normal for your life and mental health to take some time settle back into place. You’re allowed to feel frustrated, angry, worried, scared and whatever other emotions might arise. It’s important to not rush to judge or ignore your feelings. You’ve mentioned that Ari isn’t talkative when it comes to expressing emotions, which is valid and what he needs right now to process the accident. But for you, I get the sense that you have a lot you’d like to express, either verbally or visually. Would journaling or drawing about the accident help you move forward?”

“Maybe…I usually keep a journal but I haven’t been able to write or draw much with my broken arm. When I draw with my left hand it’s like I’m in preschool again.”

“As I’m sure you know, artists express emotions in non-figurative ways all the time. If I asked you to express your feelings about the accident in abstract visual form and not worry how it looks compared to your other drawings, would that be a helpful thing to do?”

“Maybe. It still might look like chicken scratch.”

“Nothing wrong with that. If you feel more comfortable creating a collage we can try that instead.”

"I'd like to try to draw I think."

Oscar got out some paper and colored pencils and markers and charcoals for me. Instead of sitting at the kiddie table he let me sit at his desk to work. The first thing he had me do was draw how thinking about the accident made me feel.

Without really thinking about it, I picked up a black charcoal and started drawing the injured bird in the middle of the road. I used heavy black strokes. It was frustrating at first to not have complete control of the charcoal like I usually did but just putting marks and lines on the paper felt okay. But the drawing still left me with a hollow feeling.

“This is what I saw,” I told Oscar. “I saw an injured bird in the road and I went to pick it up and that’s why I didn’t see the car coming. I think I killed it. The bird.”

“And this makes you sad?”

“Yeah. I wanted to save it. But it still got killed. And Ari got hurt. It was stupid of me. I should have seen the car coming.”

“Is there anything you can do to this drawing now to make you feel less sad about it?”

“When I first saw the bird, it was on the road. But then I picked it up and held it close to my chest.”

I drew a hand around the bird, but it still didn’t feel right. Too stark and bleak. Not how I remembered the bird at all.

“The bird had colors on it. But I can’t really remember what they were exactly.”

“It’s your bird now, Dante. You can add whatever colors to it you want.”

I remembered the made-up birds I used to draw when I was little: the rainbow rocketbird, the tawny tailblaster. Pages and pages of sketchbooks filled with imaginary creatures. I hadn’t judged myself then about how anatomically accurate they were or how technically proficient I was. I drew and created because it felt good. Right now my drawing didn’t make me feel good so I added colors to my bird’s wings and I turned the hand into a nest. That felt better.

I felt calmer after my drawing was finished. But something still bothered me.

“Do you think me changing the drawing of the bird is like retconning the accident?” I asked. “I mean, when I started, I thought I would draw the bird like I remembered it. But that made me feel terrible to picture it all stiff and dark and lifeless. I wanted to protect it. Now it looks more like it’s asleep than it’s dead. But that’s not what actually happened.”

“If drawing the bird like this helped you reframe your sadness and anger into something beautiful, then I think it’s a good thing.”

“It’s not cheating?”

“No, I don’t think it’s cheating at all. In fact, I think it’s more like forgiving.”

“Forgiving who?”

“Yourself.”

[imreszekeres]

for the anon that wanted all 100

1. Name- Ash! 2. Age- 18 3. City that you live in- fear, usually 4. What do most people not know about you?- nothing really, i compulsively release useless information about myself 5. What do most people know you for?- being fat and annoying 6. Hobbies- makeup, youtubers, sleeping, writing, drawing 7. What are your passions?- writing 8. What do you search for in a significant other?- i really Really need to be understood, and someone who is patient is nice too 7. What are you most proud of?- I hav gone to State and gotten within the top 10% in my Journalism competitions, which puts me in the top .08% of all high school students in my state. :-) im good for some things 8. When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love?- every day when I talk to @pizzasteveofficial <3 all our conversations are significant 2 me 9. Have you ever collected anything? What was it?- I collect my tears in a jar and store them, then shower in them every night 10. List 10 things off of your bucket list.- I want to get married in the snow, have a daughter, get a Heartagram tattoo (at least one lol), write a successful book, and.. idk what else :0 11. What was the last thing you learned?- jesus I dont know, you learn sth new every day! hard to remember 12. How many relationships have you been in?- um.. 7 I think i feel like im forgetting one tho. I wont name them obvi but i think im forgetting one? i feel like ive been in 8 oh well 13. Turn ons- validation 14. Turn offs- being alive 15. Favorite food- frozen yogurt! I like the vanilla or white chocolate flavor with looots of toppings 16. Favorite drink- Coke 17. What is the best birthday gift you have ever received?- i dont really know! I dont remember a lot of my birthdays for trauma reasons so  18. Are you optimistic or pessimistic?- pessimistic by far lol 19. Do you sleep during class?- its happened a handful of times, I try not to bc I HATE missing work its annoying 20. What is the most expensive thing you own?- myself?? jk its my laptop 21. What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own?- a 1 dollar ELF blending brush. yall those things are bomb please go buy some! 22. How many times a day on average do you check your phone?- that number does not exist holy shit  23. Text or call?- TEXT BLEASE I HAVE SUCH BAD HEARING 24. Opinion on long distance?- it can work! ive done it a lot of times. distance has never been whats broken a relationship for me, not directly anyway 25. What is your definition of success?- success is when you’re happy. you do not have many worries, not the kind that keep you awake at night or make your tummy sick anyway. You have people that love you and, if you died, you’d be remembered as a good bean 26. Favorite song?- right now im really diggin “Hate (I Really Dont Like You)” by the plain white Ts 27. Favorite artist?- HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 28. Celebrity crush/crushes?- Ville Valo ALWAYS lmao hes my god 29. When was the last time you read for fun?- like last month 30. Favorite flower?- roses 31. What is the best gift you could receive right now?- a plane ticket to Connecticut and like 1000 dollars 32. Any guilty pleasures?- pop... music... BUT LIKE THE GOOD KIND U FEEL? I DONT LIKE STUFF FROM THE LAST 2 OR 3 YEARs...  33. What is one thing you would like to change about yourself?- my weight, and that sounds so shallow but it. is taking a toll on me. 34. What do you search for in a friend?- someone who is like me! 35. How many times have you said "I love you" in the past month?- not enough 36. Where did you last go other than your room/home?- school.. 37. Why do bad things happen to good people?- because life isnt fair 38. In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out or being stabbed in the eye?- what the fuck being stabbed in the eye have you ever been stabbed in the fucking eye? because i havent and i can already tell you that if my friends were talking without me and then someone stabbed me in the fuCKING EYE I WOULD BE JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE PREOCCUPIED WITH BEING STABBED IN THE E Y E  39. How many green shirts do you own?- none lol 40. Do you like anime?- sure! I dont watch it rn but i dont watch anything rn, haha 41. What do you invest the most time in?- sleeping,, 42. What was the name of the last book you read?- Rebecca :3 very gud book 43. What's the difference between loving and liking someone?- when ur main squeeze gets a hair cut and u still wanna suck their dingus u love em, thats it sorry i dont make the rules 44. Where are you most productive?- i dont.. know what this is asking lol I’m most protective over my romantic partners. As much as I’d love to say im most protective over Sarah, nothing compares to how “troll guarding his treasure” i am w/my loves.......... *eyes @my crush* 45. List 3 things you enjoy doing with friends.- talking shit abt rude ppl, playing vidya gaem, and talking abt life 46. List 3 things you enjoy doing alone.- watching makeup tutorials, watching lets plays, and thinking about everything and anything 47. Do you believe world peace will ever exist?- absolutely not. theres too many people on the earth to achieve that 48. Do you have any allergies?- Not to anything specific but i get them really often seasonally. i get them pretty much every time the weather changes :( 49. When was the last time you cussed at someone?- i mean.. every day of my life so like 50. What was the last promise you made?- idek dude 51. What was your last dream about?- IT WAS SO WEIRD IT WAS ABOUT MY CRUSH’S MOM? I DREAMT THAT SHE WAS A DEMON WHO STORED HER EGGS IN LITTLE PORCELAIN JARS AND THAT MY CRUSH HAD AN EAR INFECTION AND WE WERE IN A SNOWY VILLAGE IDK DONT ASK ME its weird bc my crushs mom is so sweet... 52. If you won a trip to Hawaii and you could take 5 people with you, who would those 5 people be?- i would literally only take Sarah bc i hate everyone 53. How many countries have you visited?- ive never been outside the US 54. What is your favorite medium of art? (Music, dance, painting, etc.)- writing :-) 56. When was the last time somebody complimented you?- those nice anons i got yesterday/the other day! 56. If you switched bodies with someone, how would you recognize yourself?- what do u even mean? youd know bc youd be like THIS ISNT MY BODY 57. Do you consider yourself mature?- kind of, yes 58. How many days in your life do you think you have wasted on tumblr?- too fuckin many 59. What is your favorite quote?- “Worship Satan!” -Ville Valo (no but rly any HIM lyric is my favorite quote, theyre so beautiful,,,) 60. If you started a new religion and you had to create 3 rules or commandments for your new followers to live by, what would those 3 rules be?- dont hurt ppl unless they hurt u, dont touch ppl unless they want u to, and respect gender/sexuality 61. What is your greatest accomplishment?- going 2 state! 62. Do you believe in the death penalty?- yeah i actually think it should b used more lol, kill all rapists and p*dophiles :-) 63. What are your goals for life?- i just wanna b happy, man 64. What do you think your soulmate is doing right now?- being a fucking idiot, probably 65. If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world.- CALIFORNIA LMAO IM SUCH A SUCKER FOR CALIFORNIA AND I NEVER EVEN BEEN THERE 66. What were you like in 2013?- awful but also really sweet... then again i wasnt TECHNICALLY the host so lol  67. Do you have a job?- no :( i cant drive 68. Tell us a story about your childhood best friend.- she was an abusive bitch who took out her parents hating her on me the end 69. If you could change one thing about society, what would it be?- i would make discrimination a way more serious crime than it is taken for rn. ppl who discriminate should b put in jail 70. How many all-nighters have you pulled before?- just one when i had to install the sims and it took 6 years 71. Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is your favorite website?- my fave website is youtube 72. What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?- suck a dick, i guess 73. Does money equal happiness?- not all the time but it sure can 74. How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime?- never, i dont think 75. How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime?- too many times 76. What is the funniest joke you have ever been told?- you know that joke abt the blind man at the beginning of Crazy Rap? yeah thats fucking HILARIOUS  77. When was the last time you looked at the news?- this morn :0 78. If you could say one thing to the world, what would you say?- im gay 79. What is your favorite animal?- RACCOONS!!!!!!!!!!!! 80. If you could earn a million dollars by pretending to be dead for 3 years, would you do it?- i mean sure lmao nobody would b upset about it so 81. What is one thing that everyone is bad at?- being a human. 82. What time do you normally sleep? How many hours of sleep do you usually get?- i usually go to bed at 10 and get like 6 or 7 hours 83. Does age necessarily equal maturity?- not at all! 84. What is your favorite clothing store?- hot topic lol 85. In the winter- beanies or gloves?- gloves b 86. Would you rather have wings or a fish tail?- wings?? why would i want a fish tail 87. If you had the power to erase one person from the world so that nobody remembered him or her except you, would you do it?- absofuckinglutely.  88. What do you fear the most?- being like my rapist. thats a little too deep than i like to go but im being honest, thats literally my biggest fear Ever 89. How many digits of pi can you recite?- 3.14 lmfao i hate math 90. If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, which year would it be?- 2004. I would stop it before it happened. :-( 91. Describe yourself in one word.- stupid 92. Describe your last victory.- i woke up today w/o killin meself 93. What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen?- bendytoots cucumberpitch’s face 94. What is something you will never forget?- prom.. something rly nice happened 95. Would you rather forget all of the past or remember everything in vivid detail?- forget everything. please 96. Have you ever broken a bone before?- nope! 97. Is it harder to love or to hate somebody?- probably harder to love them lol 98. Coffee or tea?- coffer 99. What are some little things that you do that have changed your life in a positive way?- I dont overdose on a constant basis in a BPD-fueled rage any more so thats good 100. How many hours have you spend on tumblr today?- probably 1 or 2?

[ceruleanbucky]

Slumber Party

Author: ceruleanbucky

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Warnings: Cursing, detailed smut for all my fellow sinners, unprotected sex (I shouldn’t have to say this, but wrap it before you tap it.) oral sex (female receiving) and I think that’s it.

Word count: 2749 (this is an apology for not posting a lot)

Sorry to my followers; I know I’m shit at updating and posting but i hope you accept this sincere apology on my behalf. Enjoy the sin.

“Hey Seb, where’s the Bailey’s?” You yell down the hall of your friend’s apartment. You had just gone through a break up, and you wanted some drinks, and comfort. It’s not like it was a bad breakup; it was mutual, but you still didn’t want to be alone. And who better to be comforted by than your lifetime friend, Sebastian?

Plus, he has really good booze.

“There is no Bailey’s! It was just Christmas! You expect there to be Bailey’s left after Christmas?” He yells back, clearly amused at your obvious lack of thinking. Of course there’s none left.  

With a sigh, you plopped down onto the couch, waiting for Seb to get into his pyjamas to start the movie. You had settled on Star Wars episode IV, because neither you or Seb had seen it in ages. And if felt right, because Carrie Fisher was one of your favorite actors ever, other than the one and only Sebastian Stan. Obviously.

If you’re to be brutally honest, you were too busy spacing out to notice Seb had joined you, until a pillow hit you in the face, causing you to jump.

“Oh, is that how it is?” You ask, a smile creeping its way onto your face as you grab the pillow he just threw at you.

“Oh, that’s how it is.” He replies, and instantly jumps onto the couch to attack you. He has his signature smirk on his face, and you have plans to wipe it off. With a pillow.

Since you are a lot smaller than him, you have a bit of an advantage. It’s always been like that. You usually jump on his back, and slightly smother him with the pillow, but this time, its different. He has been training with Don, and he is a lot stronger than you, so when you jump on his back, it barely affects him. Instead of trying to throw you off, he just flops down onto his back, crushing you.

Hey; it’s not like you care. You can feel every muscle through his exceedingly thin shirt, and you’re basically in heaven.

“Oof.” You say as he lands on you, laughing his head off. You’d stay in this position longer, but your breathing is quite restricted, so you push him off. After you catch your breath, you start the movie.

During the movie, you have ample time to look at Sebastian���s face, and his jawline, and, well, everything.

You weren’t sure why you were thinking like this. You may have had a crush on him in college, but that was a long time ago.

Okay, maybe it was more than a crush, but it still confused you. Why were you all of a sudden thinking this way? You haven’t had feelings for him for ages, and yet here you are, getting butterflies from sitting next to him.

Good lord, you must be in middle school again. You’re just sitting next to him, not about to fuck. You decide to turn your focus back to the movie, trying to take your mind off him, and the fact that he’s wearing deliciously thin sweatpants, and you can almost make out the outline of his dick.

Once the movie is finished, you start to gather your stuff, seeing as it is pretty late, and Seb looks at you like you’re insane.

“You want to tell me why you’re looking at me like that?” You inquire, having a slight idea about what he’s going to say next.

“You are not driving out in that.” He answers, pointing to the window where you can see the heavy snow falling.

“I don’t live far, Seb.” You say, knowing that he won’t let you leave. You don’t want him to; you’re exactly where you want to be.

But he doesn’t need to know that.

“You’re staying. We are having a sleepover; it’s final. And before you argue that you have nothing to wear to sleep, I have a drawer of your clothes here, which includes pyjamas. You’re staying, and I will fight you about it.” He says, sounding very decisive.

“Well, can’t argue with that.” You chuckle. “Although, there is one thing I will fight you for…” You continue, drawing out the last word.

“Which is?” He asks, not knowing what you’re getting at.

“The bed!” You say really quickly, before making a dash down his hallway, and to his bedroom. You hear him closing in on you, because he is very, very fast. As you’re jumping onto his king sized bed, he grabs you out of mid air, only to throw you onto the bed again.

“How about,” He ponders, a contemplative look on his face, “We share the bed.”

You quirk an eyebrow up at his statement, before shrugging.

“Yeah, okay. But I call dibs on that side.” You say, pointing to the right side of the bed, and knowing full well that that’s his side. He looks at you with his ‘Winter Soldier’ scary face, but you know that he wouldn’t purposely hurt you. Plus, he can’t keep a straight face around you, and he bursts out laughing.

You two go back to his living room, to get the pillows and blankets, and he ends up begrudgingly allowing you to have his side of the bed, because he can’t say no to you. He has a smirk on his face, though, and you can’t tell what he’s up to, so you don’t really put much thought into it.

You head back to his room, arms full with pillows, and grab some pyjama shorts from your drawer. You decide to steal one of Seb’s shirts, because all the ones you have here are extraordinarily uncomfortable. As you’re changing, you wonder just how the fuck you’re going to control yourself, because Seb sleeps in just boxer shorts. You decide to just wing it, and if something happens, then hey, something happens.

You come out of the bathroom, and put your clothes by your bag, so you don’t waste time looking or them tomorrow.  You crawl into Sebastian’s gloriously comfortable bed, and go on your phone for a little. When Seb is stripped down to his boxers, he crawls in beside you, and pulls you into his arms so you’re spooning with him.

“Hey, uh, Seb? Uh, whatcha doing there?” You ask, trying not to laugh as you wait for his response.

“I said that you could have this side of the bed-my side-but I never said that I wouldn’t get this side.” He explains, and you don’t have to look at him to know that he’s wearing the all too famous smirk.

An idea pops into your head, and you have to make sure you don’t laugh out loud. Two can play this game, and you’re damned sure you’re going to win. The only reason that you’re even thinking about doing it, is because of his constant flirting tonight, and now this.

You wait a few minutes, before you squirm just a little against him, and you know that your plan is going to work when you feel him stiffen as your ass rubs against his groin. He doesn’t say anything, and he assumes that you’re just trying t get comfortable.

But after a few minutes, you do it again, grinding harder against him. You hear him let out a hiss of air when you do it a third time, after about ten minutes. You can feel his half-hard erection against your ass, and you feel as though you have succeeded. But when he doesn’t do anything, you assume that he doesn’t want to ruin your friendship, and you can understand that, so you go to sleep.

It’s a few hours later, when you feel his hands on your exposed hip, ghosting over your curves and leaving goosebumps in his wake. You feel his fingers slip under the hem or your shorts and underwear, and then stopping, like he’s hesitating. You feel him press feather light kisses against your neck, causing you to let out a soft moan.

“Seb…” You whisper, and this seems to spur him on, because his hand continues its path towards your core. When he reaches his destination, he presses down on your clit, causing you to stiffing in his arms, and a gasp to leave your mouth.

“Seb… Jesus Christ,” You say, not exactly sure where you were going with the sentence. His finger rubs slow and torturing circles on your clit, and you can feel his chest vibrate when he speaks.

“You really think that you can tease me the way you did, and have me not get payback?” He says, his voice deep with arousal. His fingers slightly speed up, causing your breathing to pick up.

He pushes two fingers inside of you, and you can feel the slow drag of his fingertips as he searches for your sweet spot. When your thighs clench around his wrists, and you let out a strangled gasp, he knows that he’s found it.

“Fuck, Seb, please.” You whimper, in heaven under his ministrations. You can feel yourself tightening around his fingers, and the warm feeling in your abdomen. He can tell that you’re about to come, so, he stops.

When you groan in frustration, he laughs and mutters something about payback, but your blood is pumping too hard for you to hear him. He climbs on top of you, looking into your eyes with a look that you’ve never seen him with before. He leans down and presses a passionate kiss to your lips, and you thread your hands through his hair.

His kisses move to your neck, and you feel his hands at the bottom of his shirt, pulling it up. He breaks the kiss to pull it over your head, and immediately goes back to work on marking you.

“As much as I love you wearing my shirt, I think that you look far better without it.” As he says that, his hands find your breasts, and knead them gently. Your head falls back onto the pillow, and your eyes flutter shut. He kisses down your chest, and much to your dismay, he ignores your tits, and instead keeps trailing down your stomach, to the top of your shorts. He stops and looks up at you, with a slightly worried look in his eyes.

“Are you okay with this, because we can pretend this never happened.” He says, looking almost childish.

“Seb, if you stop I’m going to kill you.” You breathe out, almost laughing. He lets out a small sigh in relief, and continues his actions from before. He pulls your shorts and underwear down in one fell swoop, and is then face to face with your very wet pussy.

He doesn’t waste any time in leaning in to devour you. He licks a slow stripe from your hole to your clit, and forms a suction around it, flicking it with his tongue. You try to scoot away from the sudden pleasure, but he grabs your hips, and lays a giant arm over your abdomen, holding you down and in place. His free hand makes its way to your pussy, and once again, his fingers sink inside of you.

He doesn’t have to look, this time, for your sweet spot. He curls his fingers, repeatedly brushing over it. You tense around him, and your back arches off the bed. Moans fall from your lips, and you’re so close. He can tell this time, too, and instead of stopping and leaving you on the edge, He speeds up.

Every brush of his fingers, every swipe and flick of his tongue bring you closer to the edge. You can feel his tongue press down on your bundle of nerves at the same time his fingers brush your g-spot, and you know that you’re done for. You cry out his name, overcome by wave after wave of intense pleasure.

He slows his actions down, but doesn’t stop them completely, so you can ride out your orgasm. He pulls his fingers from you, and grips your hips, before his mouth is back on your clit.

“Fuck- Seb! I-I can’t- too much- Jesus! You stutter, your legs shaking from the overstimulation. Your eyes squeeze shut, and your head is thrown back into his pillow, your back arching off the mattress. Tears escape your eyes, and you beg him to stop, because you can’t handle the pleasure.

He finally releases you, a smug look on his face, and lets you catch your breath from the most amazing sex you’ve ever had.

“Wow…” You say, still breathing heavy.

“You say that as if we’re done here.” He laughs, causing you to look up and see the massive tent in his boxers. You forget how tired you are, and you instantly want his dick inside of you. You motion for him to come kiss you, and he obliges. You can taste yourself on his lips, and you have to admit: that’s really hot.

You always knew Seb had an oral fixation, but damn that was something else. As you’re kissing him, you push his boxers down, and he pulls away. He opens his mouth to speak, but you press a finger to his lips.

“If you ask me if I want to stop, I swear.” You start but your interrupted by him letting out one of the nicest laughs you have ever heard in your life, and him pressing his lips to yours again. He pushes his boxers all the way down, and throws them into some distant part of his room. He rubs the tip of his dick between your folds, gathering the wetness there. He slowly pushes in, allowing you to get used to his size.

“Fuck, Y/N, you’re so tight.” He groans, and you’d bet good money on that being the hottest thing you have ever heard.

Once he is fully sheathed inside of you, he waits a minute, before slowly pumping in and out. He can feel you quivering around him, and he knows that he’s not going to last long. He angles his hips, trying to rub against your sweet spot, so you cum before him.

You let out a moan as Sebastian thrusts in and out of you, slowly gaining speed, and roughness. He pins your wrists above your head, and kisses you deeply. As he does this, he finally finds the right angle, because you moan into his kiss, and your legs tighten around his waist. With every thrust, his pelvis grinds into your clit, pushing you closer and closer to the edge.

“Seb, I’m-fuck- I’m close.” You say through clenched teeth. He lets go of your wrists, and your hands weave into his hair, pushing him harder against your lips. You don’t notice his hand sneaking its way down to your pussy, and you jump when his thumb starts to rub circles on your clit.

You feel his pace start to falter, and you know that he’s close too. His lips find their way to your neck, finding the sensitive spot that had you clenching around his fingers earlier.

“Sebastian!” You scream as you go tumbling over the edge, and with the feeling you clenching around his cock, plus the sight of you falling apart beneath him, was more than enough to make him cum harder than he ever has before. He empties himself inside of you, and stills his movements, trying to catch his breath. He pulls out and flops down beside you, pulling you into his arms.

“Jesus Christ,” You laugh, shocked at what just happened.

“Don’t tease.” Is all he replies with, rubbing circles on your back.

“If this is what teasing gets me, the you can bet your surprisingly nice ass that I’m going to tease you.” You fire back, looking into his eyes. The look of admiration is very evident, and you can only hope that you mirror that look, because you feel the same.

You shift to lay your head on his chest, and your eyes flutter shut out of exhaustion. Before you fall asleep, you hear him say:

“I love you, Y/N.”

You try to respond, but all you can do is try and mumble it back. He gets what your trying to say; you know he does, because you can hear his heart skip a beat. He presses a kiss to the top of your head before falling asleep himself.

And you swear that you could never have been happier