#i love bubblegum btw i understand why she's like that but also i understand why people find her annoying or weird

[br1ghtestlight]

i feel like its inaccurate to call bubblegum a weird girl bcuz she's into like mostly popular things she's not WEIRD she's just annoying and autistic (affectionate) rainbow however is an actually weird and crazy person but she's popular and likeable and has lots of friends. its like a world where being a weird artist is normal and being a girly girl teenager who likes boy bands means ur oppressed

[outlawssweetheart]

Sorry I'm only reacting now to your OC post ! 😩 I'm glad you managed to get the draft back haha ! Hoping this one doesn't disappear as well ! 🤞

I'm always weak for the thought of dad Erron being scared of fatherhood at first and suddenly realizing how much he loves his baby. Holding Lizzie for the first time must have been such a strong revelation for him. Makes me wonder if he was the one who brought up the thought of a second child? 👀 Like, Lizzie was pretty much unplanned from what I understand but Lana ? 🧐 I think Skarlet would be torn between being overjoyed at the prospect of having a second child and being surprised that it was Erron who brought up the idea ! 💖

Honestly I'd love to learn more about their family dynamic, especially Lizzie because I find it sooo funny how she'd be like- the only "normal" person in this family of murderous adrenaline junkies. 😂 Her parents being weird in front of her friends would probably embarrass her as well !

Also I'm curious about how Skarlet would develop as a person in your story because I remember you saying you weren't really up for a redemption arc for her canonically. Yet, she finds herself being a mom and leaving a rather "normal-ish" family life in Earthrealm. What do you think would bring her to this point in her life in your story ?

Finally, I'm curious because you often mention your stories/books/fanfics and I've been wondering if you have ever posted any of them? Like, I remember seeing snippets of your original stories but do you have any of them or any fanfics published?

(Sending you my support for your writing projects btw ✨)

I've never actually thought about it, when they decided to have a 2nd kid. Like I honestly never thought about it, or if she was planned or another accident, but I LOVE the idea that Erron suggested having another! Lizzie is 7 years older than Lana, so that's quite some years between kids. I suppose that after her, they figured she'd be an only child, but then years later they caught the Baby Fever and just wanted another one.

I think he was shook holding Lizzie for the first time. He probably cried a bit, but he would never admit to it. (Skarlet knows. He denies it, but she saw it.) Not only realizing that he loves his child but also feeling the weight of his own familial trauma... all at once. Maybe that's why she let him be the one to name her? 🥺

I think Elizabeth is a bit of a Sad Girl™. (I have "Ow (Intro)" by Pom Pom Squad and "Human" by Christina Perri on her Pinterest board section for my original story, so I must've been cooking a bit for her.) Which makes sense; one of the children is bound to get Skarlet's and Erron's melancholy, and it ain't Lana! 🤷🏽‍♀️ (Sidenote: I remembered that they're both low-key named after Lana Del Rey because her real name is Elizabeth! 😭 I mean, she is my Skarron queen! 🫶🏽)

As for Skarlet: That's my CONTRARIAN ASS because I love Skarlet as a villain, but I also love the idea of her and Erron just living a domestic life together. *sighs* So in The Bubblegum Project (the story I mentioned because I have another one that I'm supposed to be writing rn), Lana's mother is a vampire, her father is a 185-year-old witch, and they settle down in Texas, acting normal. (He uses witchcraft to secure a job as a history professor, and she has a job as a showgirl at a fancy burlesque club.) However, he's a hitman on the side, and she's still killing people for blood even though there is a medication to fill the need for blood. (I reblogged this gif-set to my writing/story inspo blog for them, and I just love the idea of Erron & Skarlet having that kind of dynamic, due to the way Erron still shows signs of his humanity. *chef's kiss* TOP-TIER ship dynamic for me! 🤌🏽)

I think they got to that point because she got pregnant, WOOPSIES, and they wanted to give their child the best life they could. Idk exactly where my OCs were living, but they knew their lifestyles (which would've been similar to Skarron's) weren't good for a child to grow up in. And Skarlet and Erron would know that Outworld is not a good place for a child to grow up in. Skarlet knows that firsthand. And it's most definitely not safe because they've both likely made enemies there.

And unfortunately, no, I have anything written or published yet. I have 2 old Marvel fanfics, and I started writing a Scream fanfic over 2 years ago, but my attention span is garbage, along with the fact that I hate my own writing. 😩 And I have bits and pieces of original stories written, just the beginning of a chapter here and there, but nothing really yet. But THANK YOU! 🫶🏽

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

thats a good choice the lyrics “all the drama queens taking swigs/all the jokers dressing up as kings” yeah that applies. anyway so i have a whole playlist abt him 😭 but if i had to narrow down it would be Every Summertime -NIKI , Chanel - Frank Ocean and Bubblegum Bitch - Marina

+ theres some in my native language (hindi) not sure u’d be interested but i would rec u Main Agar Kahoon plz read the lyrics it’s just so jimin to me. theres also a fun one called Radha Likes to Party ( u should have context this one so basically the song lyrics are based on Radha & Krishna indian mythological characters and the song has lyrics like everyone goes crazy over everything abt Radha which reminded me of jimin). ah yeah thats all

---

Oh that's cool! I've never been into making playlists. wow it'd been a minute since I last listened to Frank Ocean. I was obsessed with him years ago, mostly because I think he's crazy hot and simply I had a lot of respect for him. I still have his coming out letter saved in my computer because what a moment. Hehehe bubblegum bitch you're so right, yes. The whole electra heart vibe is very him, actually; #that particular side of him. There's some sadness, and loneliness, and lots of self introspection but there's also confidence and lots of attitude, and at times it overshadows all the other sides to him. BTW, I saw Marina live a few years ago, I'm bringing it up because she was amazing, really good show and it's a very dear experience to me. It's my first time listening to every summertime and I liked it! It's cute, I can understand why it makes you think of Jimin.

I've just listened to Rhada and Main Agar Kahoon, this one is sooooo pretty ahhh, I didn't know the songs but I agree they fit Jimin, it fits the feelings he inspires in people, especially the vibes of main agar kahoon. I've watched My Name is Khan with Shah Rukh Khan, I'm saving his name now so I can watch his other movies.

It's not a song but some days ago I remembered this poem that I love and I always thought a lot of people see Jimin this way. I think some verses of it could be about Jimin his real self, but more than anything it's about the way a lot of people think of him.

"But this isn't about me; this is your love story about the way I teach you to live" "Watch the way you pick up my bad habits and make them look good" "Good girl, just bad enough, a burp and a courtesy, let me be not too pretty, hair fried from all that pink dye, sex when you need it, puppet when you're bored. Let me build myself smaller than you." "I looked so human, the audience lost interest."

PHEWWWEW I die everytime.

[sweetchup]

Can do headcanons for how members of the troupe react to their S/O saying “i love you” for the first time? Btw, love your blog!

Thank you so much!! 🌸🌸🌸I’ll keep up the good work (and aesthetic). Due to the 10 photo limit tumblr has it’s going to be split up into two parts :).

S/O saying “I love you” for the First Time.

You can find the other members in part 2.

“Oh.”

Now don’t take that reaction as a bad thing, it’s really not.

Chrollo has lived in a dump of place called Meteor City and is kind of a psychopath (he may also be a sociopath) so he’s never experienced or been shown true love.

Sure, he’s acted like he knows what love is in order to steal something or get info. He also may have been shown it as kid but that was most likely fake and only to take advantage of young Chrollo.

So the “Oh” is more like something has like clicked in his mind. Because Chrollo doesn’t always know why he does his actions, like when Gon questioned him, so he probably at first just pursued you to go with the flow of what he was feeling or to satisfy what he thought was some simple curiousity.

So now that he understand what he’s feeling, he’s kind of out of words because like everything is like clicking together all at once; from the sweaty palms to the raising heart and the constant need to be around you, the memories are all flashing through his head and making sense.

Your not off the hook though because after Chrollo finally snaps out of his thoughts, he will be a possessive spider, and will literally clutch onto you for a while. Whether it be you sitting on his lap while he reads, having an arm around you during troupe meetings or even when you are walking somewhere and he is literally latched onto your back, he has to have some sort of physical contact with you. Don’t worry this possessiveness will go away after like a week or so but by then it will probably have become a habit for you to still sit on his lap when he reads.

Though, another side to this (a dark side), if he instead says “I love you too, sweet cake” with a charming smile or tries anyother romantic gesture, you probably aren’t talking to the real Chrollo. Only a fake one he has made to steal from you or to use you. So don’t get attached.

“Huh? Really?!?”

You probably have angered the troupe by saying this because Nobunaga was probably calm before you said this but now he’s excited like crazy. He’s might act cool as a cucumber but he’s still an enhancer after all.

And the reason I say the troupe is angered is probably due to the fact that Nobunaga will not shut up for weeks about you telling him you love him.

It’ll probably be all quiet in the hideout when all of sudden Nobunaga will say “Hey guys did you know what S/O said to me last week?”

They are all sick of it, even Uvo. Uvo was fine with it the whole first week and even gave Nobunaga a high five every time he brought it up. But now he just starts a fight with Nobunaga. Which Nobunaga will definetly accept, to protect your honor of course.

Due to the amount of fights and being sick of it, Chrollo will be forced to create a new rule which bans any mentioning of anybody’s s/o during troupe activities unless absolutely needed.

And you bet you that Nobunaga found a way around that rule.

“Huh? I know.”

Feitan probably isn’t effected by your confession at first. He’ll probably contunie about his day. After all he knew you loved him before so why should he care if you say it in words.

It most likely sets in around two to three days after. He’ll be doing some sort of troupe activity and your confession will probably randomly pop up in his head making him smile. At first he’s confused and will wipe the smile off his face as fast as he can.

But, as the days and hours go by, it gets harder and harder to hide it because it becomes more and more frequent and harder to force down. Even some of the troupe members start noticing and you know Shalnark and Phinks are going to tease him for it.

Let’s just say you better be ready for when he gets home since he’s not happy with what your confession did to him, even if it wasn’t actually your fault. He’ll make sure you won’t be able to walk for days.

“Oh... umm. I love you, too”

Machi will probably turn away from you while she says this because she is a tough girl and needs to keep up her act.

It will most likely be a normal day with normal activities. You’ll do whatever you do and she’ll either relax or do troupe activities.

Don’t worry though because like a cat, Machi will come back later to show you affection. You’ll probably be watching Tv or looking something on the computer and, like clockwork, Machi will come over and curl up in your lap. Don’t say anything because that will make her mad and scare her off. Just either hold her or rub your fingers through her bubblegum locks. Please do the second because she’ll melt at your touch.

“Oh~~~ How adorable~~”

Would not advice confessing to this clown in a private setting.

In a public one it’s fine because he’ll probably end up just tease you and be more touchy than usual. He might also call Illumi to brag and embarass you. Don’t worry, Illumi will probably only ask whens the wedding. Also if your a strong S/O, a boner might pop out when confessing as well. Try to make sure he isn’t standing or in plain view when you say it.

Now if this is in a private setting, Hisoka is going to take this to the max. He’s horny and in sensory overload when you finally admit it so, like when he gets too much bloodlustly, he has to get it all out.

This wouldn’t be bad if he was just horny but when he’s all crazy it’s intresting. Most likely you’ll end up passing out like 2 to 3 times from overstimulation. So if you like overstimulation to the max then do it but if not then don’t do it.

Also even if you pass out, that doesn’t mean Hisoka will stop.

“Oh...I love you too babe.”

Kind of like Machi in this one, he might have a slight blush on his face but he won’t freak out or anything after.

As soon as you leave the room or turn around however, phinks will probably be siked and will definetly do a fist bump and give himself a mental pat on the back.

He’ll also act more gentlemently for the rest of the day or evening. Though it’s in small amounts so you have to really think about it to realize it.

When you two go to sleep, Phinks will stay up a little later and just observe you, dropping his guard as you sleep. He will also be definetly running his finger through your hair, giving you small kisses on the forehead and cuddling you closer until he passes out.

“...”

Most likely when you confess you won’t get anything, no response or sounds, because he’ll be on his phone or playing some sort of game. Honestly, when you tried to get his attention beforehand he didn’t even flinch or blink your way. Shalnark is just like that.

Don’t worry though since Shalnark did hear you, he is pretty observant even when on his phone or electronic devices. He just wanted to toy with you for a little after all this is Shalnark we are talking about.

Though as soon as you go to walk away, Shalnark will snap out of it and grab you. From there you’ll be stuck in his lap for hours, it is surprisingly comfy though being in his arms so take a nap while your in them.

[punkscowardschampions]

Lola & Astrid

Lola: [come in to get your tattoo then, which is on the back of her neck/shoulder blade moment which isn't the worst but I think it vibrates on those bones pretty hard, also the embroidery technique/colour will make it worse/more time, overall vibe a sassy, confident bitch but lowkey nervous on this tattoo] Astrid: [I like to think she's already in there and probably has been for hours because whether it's big or small on this occasion they obvs let her stop whenever she wants and for as long as she wants cos they know her so we just chilling with the dog BFF who goes everywhere with her lowkey and both having a drink of water casually so the dog can go up to her like hey gal] Lola: [have loads of pictures of her with dogs and cats, so gonna say we're an animal hoe and gonna be extra over this lil dog then AFTER you've stroked and loved upon it 'Shit, I've not distracted it, have I? I'm so sorry' like when you aren't meant to with blind people service dogs] Astrid: [just straight up talking to this dog like she's a person like are you okay, do you wanna go and the dog's like nah I'm fine by giving a Lola a toy or something like I think we should play with this gal] Lola: [straight up throwing this toy like we aren't in a tattoo shop like please be careful, probably getting told off by a grumpy tattoo dude and just loling like whoops 'cos the kind of carefree hoe we are 'what's your name?' but we are talking to the dog] Astrid: [being like 'did you forget we like rules?' @ the dog as if she caused this trouble herself and full naming her like a cross mum but we not cross we're more playful about it because autistic bants] Lola: ['so distinguished, suits you madam' and shakes her paw, then touching one of Astrid's leg tattoos as is clearly ground level with this dog rn 'that's gorgeous, how many do you have?'] Astrid: [when you an affectionate af person but you don't know her like that so then you can't answer that question and she must think you're being so rude sorry gal, but let's say the tattoo person answers for you cos probably did most of them but not all so gets it wrong so then you have to answer whatever the right number is] Lola: [you really shouldn't grab people but that's the kinda hoe you are so that's the vibe lol, undeterred but do let go of her leg thanks, just talking about ALL the tattoo ideas you have] Astrid: [at least you can likewise go off about that babe because they are literally another thing you collect/comforts you and makes you feel safe so like you always wanna get more, try not to actually talk over her and listen but it's okay if you do, she'll get over it] Lola: [just listening intently anyway and bowing to her superior knowledge on it 'cos you wanna get more even though you have yet to start this one and are gonna be sobbing in a sec lolll, very seriously turning to the dog 'Winnie, will you hold my hand?' then turning back to Astrid and rolling her eyes 'my girlfriend was too shamed to be seen with me'] Astrid: [just going OFF about aftercare too before she's even started this tattoo because as far as you're concerned there is only one right way to do it and everything else is wrong and a huge no, the grumpy tattoo dude from earlier who Lola's gonna end up having is just gonna try and be like nah she's wrong, this this and this is fine but shh sir tbh. The dog just grinning through all this cos she's buzzing about the energy 'She's not ever going to be heavy enough for proprioceptive stimming but it's still calming when she lies with you, she's soft and she smells nice, does that make sense?' her confused face when she then doesn't understand what she means about her girlfriend not wanting to be here though like um why] Lola: [just ignoring the man like the true lesbian you are, be careful girl, nodding 'total sense, Miss Winifred is a vibe' and giving her an approving sniff like yes 'it smells like bleach in here' probably a good thing babe but we're not happy lol 'ugh, 'cos she's so tough and I'm going to embarrass her' shakes her head like oh girlfriends] Astrid: [repeating back to Winnie that she's a vibe because you like the sound of that thank you but whatever you're gonna say about how it smells in here is interrupted by grumpy tattoo dude complaining that it's because Astrid always has to OTT clean up the station etc and blah before they start, like don't out her like that sir and don't be a dick so we're not happy about his vibe rn] Lola: ['you should be happy she's doing the hard work for you' even though we were the one complaining about the smell, we're not about it] Astrid: ['he's not a happy person' hahaha suck it sir] Lola: ['that's so sad, what happened?' oh gal] Astrid: [just telling her this dude's life story like he's not right there because we don't understand sarcasm bye] Lola: [when you weren't even being sarcastic but you were not expecting her to reply and you know he's not gonna be thrilled so you put your finger to your lips like shh but smiling at her so she knows you aren't being a dick like stfu] Astrid: [being like oh do you want some quiet, like offering to get them to turn down the music they always blast in tattoo places] Lola: ['can we change the station?' like this rock shit is not a #vibe honey and getting out your phone and aux cord from your bag] Astrid: [just like 'it's not a vibe [name of your tattoo gal] can we change it to a vibe?' because we're saying vibe now and obvs this woman will cos she's a good egg] Lola: [putting on your femme gay girl bubblegum pop playlist like every other person in here/grumpy tattoo man is going to be taking the piss but we aren't aware 'cos we're that bitch and just dancing around like it's the clerb] Astrid: [Astrid and Winnie are vibing, picking this dog up like do you wanna dance lil queen as if we're not in the middle of a tattoo sesh] Lola: [hyping them up in a very yasss queen manner and then getting interrupted by this dude being like are you done pissing about and just twerking at him like mwah 😘 as you climb your ass up onto this bench, then being like 'WINNIE, I NEED YOU' very dramatically with grabby hands and all, this man like oh my god] Astrid: [we're loling at her antics and then putting Winnie on her lap because this angel will look after you gal so we can finally get some more of our own tattoo done] Lola: [good incentive not to drop this dog or shriek in her ears gal, 'cos gonna be so OTT about this pain obvs, all of this painting a picture as why your butch tatted gf did not wanna be here, just 🥺🥺🥺 at Astrid 'does it hurt you?' 'cos gf popping off like it doesn't which is a lie like when people say childbirth doesn't like admit it even if you can hack it] Astrid: ['not as much as other things' because we matter of fact about it instead of being like her girlfriend and pretending nothing is happening here] Lola: [we aren't really listening anyway just talking to talk here 'beauty is pain'] Astrid: [just repeating that like hmmm idk ' you're saying you feel more beautiful now, they'll want to put that on the signs outside'] Lola: ['They've got better promo' and giving Astrid's tattooist a look, 'cos the insecurity jumped out when pain] Astrid: [just going off about how much you like it here and you've told everyone about it like lol peeps have said they should pay me] Lola: ['yours are so cool' and asking her why she got that one and when etc etc] Astrid: [telling her everything even if like some of this shit is personal like tell me those roses aren't because of Ro you can't] Lola: [when you're an oversharer so you are 1. not phased by this 2. can say how this is for your abuela who's dying] Astrid: [genuinely is upset about this and asking loads of questions about her like obvs how old is she but also about her as a person and what she likes and how she was living before this] Lola: [we was already crying from the pain so you know, just carry on lmao, telling her that you live with her, that she's your only family and she's a bomb cook and she loves you even though you're gay and you go to bingo together on Thursdays] Astrid: [when you're just like are you gonna live with your girlfriend and cook together and go to bingo with her] Lola: ['I don't know' big sigh 'Do you live with your dad?'] Astrid: [hardcore like BUT WHAT WILL YOU DO because we're so upset about this like we can't answer your question until we get one that's okay here] Lola: [reaching over like hey it's okay 'I'll work it out'] Astrid: [just like oh yeah I do live with my dad btw after ages has passed and she's probably forgot she even asked but we needed a sec there] Lola: ['what's he like?'] Astrid: ['he's weird but not like I'm weird, just not how everyone says a dad should be-' trying to find a way to word wtf Drew is like lol 'he doesn't like rules or keeping things clean oh and he's a really shit driver who plays music too loud and he dresses too young'] Lola: ['sounds like every dude I've ever met' lols, wiping her tears 'has he always been like that or is it a midlife crisis moment?'] Astrid: [lols too because oh Drew you hot mess 'he fell out of his pram and wasn't claimed for 7 days'] Lola: [nods solemnly 'mine too'] Astrid: ['but he makes sure my food doesn't touch and never makes me eat anything I know will be fucking gross and he took me to go get Winnie' like but I do love him] Lola: [gives Winnie love and smiles 'not all bad then' pauses 'mine used to take me to ballet, and never get bored of me showing him my routines'] Astrid: [just going off about this Barbie ballet movie called Barbie and the pink shoes like have you seen it because I figure why not have dolls as a special interest, thanks Ro, though she'd fuck with Bratz and Monster High more] Lola: [talking about the red shoes 'cos assumedly what it is based on and saying you'll look up the Barbie version online 'when Ren is at work'] Astrid: [just chatting about it to the point that she doesn't even need to see it cos you've told her everything but letting her know that Barbie isn't your fave and making sure she knows what you fuck with more like this is vital info okay] Lola: ['Like Yasmin is technically the Hispanic queen like me but I do be looking more Jade and she fucks with cats so ME' 'cos definitely a girl who was into dolls and the bratz are making a resurgence in the culture anyway huns] Astrid: [we're living a life where we only accept the OG's so of course she gotta be that blonde hun who is described as wide-eyed and bubbly and loves her friends more than anything in the world so pop off but we not fucking with soccer and we gotta let Lola know] Lola: ['I see it' like just being like you're an angel there nbd] Astrid: [being like I do support cheese pizza ONLY but thai curry wtf] Lola: [loling like 'food isn't food unless it has at least two carbs and all the cheese you can throw at it'] Astrid: [just listing off everything Jade likes in the known world like do you like these things or no] Lola: [replying like this is a vogue 73 questions I bet tattoo dude is delighted lol] Astrid: [we're having fun here sir excuse you] Lola: ['do you have a Jade in your group already?'] Astrid: [The calming force that she is, Winnie is the group's Yasmin, she can handle a sob story, as you've seen so that's wrong' looks at her like soz gal I know you're offended 'my other best friend is most like Sasha, I don't know if I'm allowed to say that when she isn't black though'] Lola: [looks around at how white everyone here deffo is like I won't tell on you, claps her hands like yay 'we can be friends then'] Astrid: [when you're clearly buzzing about this, giving her your phone like this is my number take it thank you] Lola: [saves it as angel, oh that won't cause any drama with your gf no no lol, taking the tattoo dudes biro or whatever and being like hold out your hand? but thankfully NOT just doing it 'cos she may not vibe gal] Astrid: [at first is like ?? because hasn't connected the dots of what she wants her to do and why but then is like oh okay and does] Lola: [being like to the tattoo lady 'now make it permanent' loling like hohoho] Astrid: [loling 'when I know you better' like we considering this] Lola: [so flattered like omg me and blowing kisses] Astrid: [gotta get some more water cos we recognising that we're getting a bit too buzzing rn so obvs asking her if she wants some] Lola: [just like lifesaver 'cos we been crying so hard over here lol] Astrid: [gotta get some for Winnie too even if she don't want because that's a routine hun] Lola: [live your best life babe you deserve it] Astrid: [let's say her tattoo is then finally done and she abruptly leaves like it was nice to meet you I gotta go now bye because it kills me how they all did that on that show every time] Lola: [the only time you've been shooketh 'cos you'd be a hang around saying bye for ages bitch] Lola: WHERE DID YOU GO?! Astrid: hOmE Astrid: is YOuR tattOO fiNishED? Lola: [sends a progress picture she's made that man take lol] Astrid: 25-30 miNS leFT Lola: yeah? Lola: 🙌 I am about to PEE my pants Astrid: iT'LL bE lONgEr wiTH BreAks but YOu Wont bE alloWED bacK iF yOu dONt TakE oNE foR THaT Lola: 😄 I did a little but we've had no leaks Lola: got my big girl panties on Astrid: 👙 is A GooD iDeA tOooooOOOOO Lola: so NOT letting him do my underboob though Astrid: nO ⛔ no ⛔ Lola: the chick you were with seemed kinda cool though Lola: not gonna write off the whole shop Astrid: 🌟 ✨ sHE MAkEs me fEEL coMFoRTaBLe 🌟 ✨ Astrid: thE reVIeW Astrid: & thE VIBE Lola: love that Lola: don't know how he can do such colourful work and be so sad ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 ��� 🤎 Astrid: van GOGH? Astrid: 🌻🌻🌻🌻👂💛💛 Lola: 🤯🤯🤯 Astrid: Do thEy ShARE a SOUL doEs thAT maKE senSE? Astrid: hMMMM Lola: reincarnation baby Astrid: dO you BEliEVE in it? Astrid: a BIG quESTion Lola: I think it's technically a ❌❌❌ Lola: but I think it's cool Lola: like past lives, all the AMAZING people in history you could've been Astrid: I DonT unDERstAnd wHY is iT ❌❌❌ if YoU liKE iT? Lola: Jesus and Abuela 💘 Lola: 💀 is very important to us Astrid: oHhhhhhhH Astrid: hEAvEn ☁👼☁ Astrid: mY muM taUGHt mE about THat Lola: 🧹🌻🦋🌞🍞 Lola: we believe souls come back, but not as other people, always themselves, even if they take a different form Lola: and they come back all the time, though Jesus hasn't come back YET Astrid: 👻👻👻👻 Lola: I can do an offering for your mum if you like Astrid: shE woULdNT coMe bACK for 🍞 Astrid: wHaT ElSe can THey be? Lola: you can put all the person's favourite things on their altar, you can skip the bread Astrid: 🕯🌹🕯🩺🕯🥀🕯🦴 Lola: wouldn't look out of place Astrid: sHe LiKEd DollS tooOOOO but thERe's No emoJi?? Lola: that's so RUDE Lola: did she get you into dolls, what was the first one you got? Astrid: 🧚🏻 thoUGH & 🔮 & 🧙🏼 Astrid: [sends her a picture of some creepy doll because of course she still has it and cue a huge ramble about everything possible about this doll like soz gal you didn't ask for that level of detail] Lola: looks like la catrina's 👶 Lola: I like it Lola: what doll would your mum be? Astrid: [when you disappear forever lowkey to do all the research you can about that just falling down a rabbit hole without saying bye] Astrid: ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤍 🤎 💀❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤍 🤎 Astrid: eVErYoNE is EqUAL in tHE eND Astrid: loVE that Lola: right?! Lola: we STAN an inclusive queen Astrid: caNT waIT tO TeLl mY otHER bFf she is GOiNg to bE so ExCitEd Lola: do you bake? I will send you a recipe for some sugar 💀 cookies Lola: i always loved decorating them Lola: and eating them, duh 😋 Astrid: I dOnT know hOw TO dO that Astrid: ❌❌❌ Lola: I can make them, if you wanna meet up again Lola: or come teach you, that would be fun Astrid: here? Lola: if you want Lola: you could come to mine but you'd have to meet abuela and that might be a LOT ??? Astrid: iTs nOT a ⛔ no if weRe frIeNds Astrid: i THinK yoU couLD bE heRE Lola: I'm a good guy, I promise Lola: I'll be super polite and say please and thank you and take my shoes off Astrid: buT 🍭 🍬 🧁  🍫 🍩 🍪 🍨  wILl maKE mY mum 😢 oR 😡 iF sHE is a 👻 Astrid: 🤫 Lola: it's all about celebrating life anyways Lola: what's better than tasty food Lola: my mother was the same though Lola: but abuela loved food because it made people 😄🥰 she didn't care if it made you fat too Lola: plenty of time to be 💀🦴s Astrid: hMMMmmm Astrid: 👌 Astrid: I wAnt to BE 😄🥰 Lola: maybe your friend would like some too Lola: not Miss Winnie though, too much sugar for 🐶 Astrid: IlL exPLain Astrid: sheS vERY 🤓 Astrid: thATs sMArt noT an INsult Lola: I could tell Lola: I very much enjoyed meeting her Astrid: & mE? Lola: OF COURSE you, gurl Lola: you were so nice and helpful Astrid: 😀 😃 😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣 Astrid: thANKs Lola: you're welcome ❣️ Lola: are you from here, I like your name, it's unusual Astrid: I dOnT liKE to bE reFErRed tO bY it Astrid: it maKEs mE FeeL liKe PeOPLe ARe 😤 😠 😡 Lola: oh no, I'm sorry Lola: is there anything you would like me to call you instead? Astrid: ...... Astrid: I doNt KnOw Lola: no probs Lola: don't need to call you anything we'll manage just fine without 🙃 Astrid: iS thAt aN oKaY anSWer? Lola: of course it is! Lola: it wouldn't be okay for me to call you a name you didn't like, that's just rude Lola: my gf HATES the name she got as a 👶 so she changed it Astrid: liKe @ scHoOL Astrid: I goT caLLed loAds of namES thERE Astrid: 👿 👹 👺 🤡 💩 👻 💀 ☠️ 👽 👾 🤖 🎃 Lola: 😢👎 Lola: school SUCKED Lola: you're cool Astrid: thEy jUsT doNt unDERsTand mY 🧠 Astrid: mE eiTHeR mE eiTHeR Lola: who does Lola: still don't have to be a 🍆 Astrid: eVErYoNE is EqUAL in tHE eND Astrid: ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤍 🤎 💀❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤍 🤎 Lola: that's what I'm talking about Astrid: yOu aRe GoiNg To LikE mY aUntY 🧠 ❤ 👀 Astrid: bUt U CaNt bRInG hEr HeRE foR 💀🍪 Lola: why not? Astrid: mY DaD & hER ❌❌❌ Lola: family drama Lola: say no more Lola: abuela only talks about my mother when she wants to cuss her out, and that's her daughter so 🤷 Astrid: hEs BaD buT nOT to ME? I doNt unDERstAnd hoW thAT iS suPposED to maKE seNse Lola: you're special to him Astrid: BuT whY aREnt my SiSTeRs sPEcial toOOOo? Astrid: beCausE theIR muMs aRE dIFFeRenT or Astrid: my BrOThEr haS anOTher DiffErent mUm agaIN Astrid: itS conFUsinG Lola: people are a lot of different things all at once, I think Lola: they don't all fit together right, it is confusing Astrid: wHEn yoU DiE aRE yOU NoOOO thiNGs Or moRE thinGS? Lola: Hmm Lola: I think more Lola: everything, and then the missing pieces make it all make sense Astrid: maybe they ARe tOOOoo sPEciAl then, THaT sisTER & ThOse mums dAD canT DeaL Astrid: hmmM Lola: could be Lola: being dead is meant to be easier than being alive, but it isn't perfect Astrid: & mY OthEr SisTER diDnt diE whEn sHe NeaRLY diD sO mAYBe heS coNFuSed AbOUT THat Lola: could you ask him? Lola: or would he be 😢 or 😡? Astrid: heS not my TaLking To pErsoN heS mY DoinG peRsOn Lola: that's important too Lola: sometimes it's actually better not having the answers Astrid: I sHOULDvE saID that @ scHOol Astrid: BettER not HAVinG thE anSWERS sORRy Lola: 😅 Lola: if ONLY Lola: I wouldn't say ANYTHING at school Astrid: I diDnT taLk unTiL aFter my mUm dIeD Astrid: moSTlY Lola: at all? Astrid: ❌❌❌⛔⛔ Lola: did you talk to your dad? Astrid: somE WoRdS Lola: the rest you just got what you needed in other ways Lola: that's cool Astrid: i THiNk it waS BaD oF mE Astrid: maYbe Astrid: .... Lola: but was it bad for you Lola: that's the important thing Lola: its frustrating when people don't understand you, but people get frustrated when they don't understand, even though they might not still when you tell them with words Astrid: iS thAT wHy yOU didNT talK @ sChooL? Lola: i took up too much space just being there Lola: without taking up the 💬 too Astrid: tOo muCh Space Astrid: hmmM Lola: that's what they thought Lola: basically Astrid: pEoPLe DoNt unDErstaND yOu Astrid: how mUch spaCE yoU neEd Lola: they don't like it ❌❌❌⛔⛔ Lola: i'm not trying to take other people's space though Astrid: tOO muCH iS ❌❌❌⛔⛔ Astrid: toOOOo mUch AnyTHiNG Lola: it is? Astrid: ItS 😢 or 😡 Astrid: itS beInG weIRd Lola: there's no such thing as too much 🐶😸 though Astrid: NeVEr!! Lola: exactly Lola: don't think there's any rules that you can stick to everything Lola: always exceptions Astrid: I wriTE liKe thIs beCauSe thOse rULes are Boring Astrid: loAdS of RulEs doNt maKe sEnSe Lola: I like how you write Lola: it's more interesting to read Astrid: yOu cAn Do iT toO if You waNT Lola: really? Lola: thanks, I'll try it out 😄 Lola: ITs actUallLY REAlLY hARd tO Be TOtallY raNDoM Lola: oTHER New RuLES poP UP in YOuR hEaD Astrid: ItS a VIBE Astrid: 😀 😃 😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣 Lola: tOTAlLy Lola: LikE THOse nEwSPApEr RAnsOM notEs Lola: aEStheTIc Astrid: ??? Lola: you know in films, when a killer or a kidnapper sends the person a note, they cut up bits of newspapers and magazines so the note is all different fonts and sizes and stuff Lola: [examples Lola: I liKE ThAT LOooooooOOoOKk Astrid: OhHH WoW Astrid: cAn I sEnD YoU onE? Lola: THaTs whaT IT RemINDS mE OF Lola: UM yeS Astrid: TheY dO it So NoBoDy knowS itS from THem YeaH? Astrid: hoW wiLL you Know ItS from mE? Lola: YEah Lola: do the outside of it normal, so the postman isn't 😱 Lola: I nEVEr GeT 💌 Astrid: do the outside of it normal, so the postman isn't scared Astrid: do the outside of it normal, like this Lola: [her address] there you go Lola: a stamp and it'll be perfect Astrid: ThiS is ReAllY whERe U Live? Astrid: I knoW whEre tHiS is Lola: you do? Astrid: yEAH Astrid: itS By a SHop I lIkE Lola: maybe you could show me 🙃 Astrid: I JuST geT 🍓 thEn I LeAVe Astrid: thEY haVe to Be from ThEre Astrid: a RuLe Lola: nOW i waNt TO tRy SomE Astrid: diD yoUr GirLfrIEnD liKE youR TaTTOo? Astrid: I caNt STop THinkiNG aBoUT iT Lola: She lIKEs 🖤 🤍 bUT I seNT hEr ThE piC & She SAid wAs cUUUUUuUuUUuUuTeeeeeeE Astrid: iS shE gONna coMe wiTh yOU neXT timE? Lola: mAYb ❓🤔 Astrid: tHats noT 🖤 🤍 Astrid: sHe shOUld saY yeAH oR NO Lola: TrUuUuuUuUUUUUUUu Lola: I'll tell her Astrid: Do YoU lIkE haVinG a girlFRieND? Lola: 🤗 & 😘 R gOoOOoddD Astrid: ❓🤔 Lola: you like hugs and kisses? Astrid: PlaTOnic is DiFFeRent Astrid: i LikE theM thOUgh Lola: yeah Lola: with a girlfriend, you just get them all the time Astrid: ? ShE dOeSnt asK you ? Lola: she doesn't need to Lola: if I said stop she would Lola: it's just nice having a person around, is what I meant 🙃 Astrid: 👌 thAT maKEs SeNse Lola: do you like 🧑 or 👩 or none or both Astrid: 👩 👩🏻 👩🏽 👩🏾 👩🏿 Lola: hi-5 Lola: me too 😄 Astrid: but i DoNt have a GIRLfrieNd Lola: would you like one? Lola: we could go out 💃💃 Astrid: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Astrid: yeAh Astrid: yOuRe a GooD 💃 Lola: YOU TOO ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤍 🤎 Lola: I KNOW A BAR THAT WOULD LET WINNIE IN Astrid: yOU dO????????? Lola: i KNow tHe OWneR Lola: heS SO coOL Lola: and he has his own dog Finola who sings with him Astrid: I diDNT knOw dOGs coULd sING Astrid: WiNNie coULd hAVE a SeCRET talENt Lola: they do somewhere over the 🌈 it's very good Astrid: wheN cAN we Go? Lola: 😄 When are you free? this weekend? Astrid: FriDAY Lola: 👏 let's DO IT Astrid: 🕐 🕑 🕒 🕓 🕔 🕕 🕖 🕗 🕘 🕙 🕚 🕛 🕜 🕝 🕞 🕟 🕠 🕡 🕢 🕣 🕤 🕥 🕦 🕧 Astrid: ? Lola: 🤔 8? Astrid: To bE @ yOUr hOUse oR ThEre? Lola: we could get 🍓s first and eat them in the park Astrid: 😀 😃 😄 😁 Lola: 🙌 IT'LL BE FUN Astrid: WeRe bOTh eXciTed Astrid: 😆 Lola: 💃💃💃 Lola: have to plan my outfit Astrid: I liKeD uR ouTfit yOu werE weaRing Lola: you're so 🍧 🍨 🍦 🥧 🧁 🍰 🎂 🍮 🍭 🍬 🍫 🍿 🍩 🍪 thank you 😚 Lola: you looked amazing Astrid: I nEEd to dyE mY haiR a new ColOur Lola: have you done every colour??? Astrid: ⛔❌ 🖤 🤎 Lola: boring in comparison to the rest of the 🌈 Astrid: & hARd to GEt Out ❤️ & 💜 sTAY TooOO bUT thEY caN bE maDE inTo a PaTTeRN sO its Not 😢 oR 😠 Lola: 🦜 Astrid: BiRdS aRE weiRD Astrid: mY AunTy haS 🐓 & I ONLy liKE thEm WhEn TheYrE 🐤 🐣 🐥 Lola: DOES SHE HAVE ANY BABIES RIGHT NOW Astrid: yEaH Astrid: thEyre sOFt Lola: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 that's so cuteee Astrid: doNt be sad shE wonT eaT thEM Lola: but i don't have any🐤 🐣 🐥 Astrid: IlL aSk heR iF you CAn Lola: our apartment is tiny Lola: wouldn't be fair for the poor chickie Astrid: YoU cOuLd VisIt THem Lola: I'll have to buy some 🌽 too Astrid: TheYll be YouR FRIEnds ToooOOOOo Astrid: loVe ThAT Lola: new friends are always welcome Lola: especially fluffy ones Astrid: WiNNie aGReeS Astrid: & saYs dOnT foRGet sheS the FLUFFiest Astrid: she gETs JeaLOUs Lola: 🤭 Lola: of course Lola: she's a babe Astrid: evERYoNe saYs I was wHEn mY brOTHer waS a 👶 bUT i Dont remeMBEr thaT Lola: aw, you helped out? Lola: that's so cute Astrid: 👶 NeED lOAds of HeLp Astrid: haVE yOu EVer heLd onE? TheY caNt suPPOrt their Own HeaDs Astrid: itS wilD Lola: I've actually never held a baby Lola: or really met one, which is weird, I'd never thought about that Astrid: !!!!!!!! Astrid: My FamILY iS SoooOOOOO BiG Astrid: 👶👶🏻👶🏼👶🏽👶🏾 Lola: do you like it? what's good and what's bad? Astrid: YoU aRenT evER aLOne Astrid: thatS gOod OR Bad Astrid: Good & BAD Lola: I can picture that Astrid: bUT itS FUn & LOud Astrid: you LiKe hugS so Youd likE it Lola: yeah Lola: I think so Lola: abuela was from a big family Lola: but it's just us here Astrid: WhERe aRE TheY aLL? Lola: her family? Lola: mostly dead Lola: the ones she would've known, sisters, brothers Lola: their kids are probably still in Mexico but she doesn't know any of them properly Astrid: Im SoRrY Lola: you don't have to be sorry Astrid: ItS saD fOR hER Astrid: I mEAn Lola: yeah Lola: she left a lot behind Lola: but she's been happy here Astrid: & YoURE haPPy? Lola: mostly and most days Lola: not 🖤 & 🤍 Astrid: nOT 🖤 & 🤍 Lola: nothing is ever perfect, is it Astrid: mAyBe WinniE is Astrid: 😀 😃 😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣 Lola: I am willing to believe that and let her have it too 💝🐶 Astrid: [a happy picture of this dog like thank you I'm buzzing] Lola: an angel Lola: or princess, I should say Astrid: [a picture of this dog with some kind of tiara moment on because of course we can] Lola: 🙇 Lola: I'll find mine when I get home Astrid: YoU hAve One? Lola: duh gurl Lola: it's a vibe Lola: 👑🌈💃😘 Astrid: iT is A Vibe Lola: you know a vibe when you 👀 one Lola: i CaN TeLL Astrid: I haVE tO gO Astrid: doNT fORget FriDAY Astrid: @ 8 Astrid: 🍓!! Lola: Oh, okay Lola: Looking forward to it ✨

[bigwastelandchild]

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Ok I know this is like a day late but I was busy😳 Anyway, I felt it would do the world a great injustice to not celebrate Valentine's Day 2019 without mentioning the couple that got a very happy ending September of last year: Bubbline!

I know this ship meant a lot to the gay, lesbian and bisexual communities out there, but as a straight dude, let me tell you why I loved it so much(besides the fact that it was unbelievably hot😈😥😆):

It wasn't contrived. Even though the concept of them having a romantic past came completely out of nowhere, it worked because they had had very little interaction before it was brought up. The fact that they had a falling out was cleverly used as the reason why they had barely interacted in the show up until the Door Lord incident.

It was realistic. Every interaction between Bonnie and Marcy felt incredibly genuine, esp. Marcy's songs directed towards Bonnie("I'm Just Your Problem", "Happy Ending", "Francis Forever", "Slow Dance with You"). They had understandable viewpoints on why their relationship had failed, and not once did I think that one of them was 100% correct and the other was 0% correct in their way of thinking. The show did not make me pick a side because of the ridiculous viewpoint/argument one of the two had, as their fighting never got that bad. (TL;DR: No petty filler fights just to cause conflict between Bonnie and Marcy for the sake of conflict. (You usually wind up with at least one of these per relationship per TV series)) Also, hats off to the voice actors for helping to make the characters more believable: Hynden Walch(Princess Bubblegum) and Olivia Olson (Marceline)

They're understanding of each other. Unlike other on-and-off-again relationships, they actually try to gain knowledge of each other to prevent them from breaking up again and to help the other out in need. This was probably best depicted in "Varmints" when Bubblegum told Marceline straight up that she's sorry that her preoccupation with work let her tear their relationship apart, a hangup which Marcy expressed that she thought was over by asking her "What are you even apologizing for?" Marceline then, by the end of the episode, watched Bonnie's garden for her so she could get some long-overdue rest & a break from her worrying about work.

They were caring. They clearly cared for one another, to the point of putting the other's well-being ahead of their own, exemplified by Bonnie helping Marcy in "Stakes" and trying to help Marcy get Simon back & Marcy jumping in front of Gumbald to shield her girlfriend off from getting shot.

They were a great depiction of love. They always seemed to be in a better mood--or at the very least if they weren't, emotionally open to talking about what was bothering them--around each other. They might be barely even talking to each other, but might just put each other at ease knowing that the other one is there to listen when they speak and offer sincere advice when needed. (Example: "Time Sandwich", I mean just...you get what I mean...)

They are cute af. (Yes, I'm actually putting this in, lemme explain...) Because of all of the above, I actually feel a heartwarming feeling whenever they make each other blush, laugh, or otherwise make each other happy. Their gay relationship is also not treated any differently, or different at all to straight relationships. It's not abnormal, it's just... there.

Anyway, I think I've bored you to death enough to watch these beautiful vids as celebration of what Bubbline has done, for the lot of us😊:

https://youtu.be/cP8NPENyxA8

(Will probably post more wonderful vids for you guys over the weekend😊)

(None of these vids are mine btw, just sharin' my love of Bubbline with the world 😚)

[prettyboongi]

My Journey Into Kpop and Falling Into the BTS Rabbit Hole

This post is just me detailing my thoughts on k-pop and finding myself become a BTS fan. And I'm not trying to be dramatic or anything, some of you may be thinking, "Like so what? You like BTS, congratulations" and I kinda get that. But over the years, I fought so hard to not like K-pop and BTS in particular. So if you're still reading this, please hear me out –ᴗ– (this is pretty long btw)

I first became aware of the phenomenon that is k-pop during my later years of high school. I'm pretty sure the very first k-pop song I was exposed to was "Gee" by Girls Generation. I remember liking the cute bubblegum pop sound and being amazed of how many girls can be in one group. But this song was pretty old by the time I was a junior. During that time, the song that basically put k-pop on the map would definitely have to be Psy's "Gangnam Style". I really thought "Gangnam Style" was a really fun and infectious song but it got old quick when every lame tv host just had to do the dance. However, since then, I would occasionally stumble upon a popular k-pop tune without getting too into the genre itself. To be honest, back then I thought k-pop was going to stay some kind of niche trend. I would've never thought it would be so internationally beloved today. At one point, I had friends that were really into k-pop, one friend in particular was into bands like Exo, Twice and Big Bang. Whenever she would talk about these bands, she seemed so passionate about it and I was sorta intrigued. Around the time I left high school, my little sister began to like k-pop and it was hard to escape her constant fangirling. Despite having a handful of people close to me that were huge k-pop fans, I just couldn't get into it myself. For the longest time, alternative rock and indie rock was strictly my thing so k-pop didn't really fit with it. Or so I thought then.

By the time I reached my twenties, k-pop has already become a household name. And when things become that popular, so many people are gonna talk about it. And if you were anything like me, you quickly got get real sick of it. While a lot of you are able to not hear about k-pop constantly, I didn't have that luxury. Meet my little sister. Me and my little sister have always been super close and always been invested in each other's lives (we're two years apart by the way). But when I first started college, that's when she became heavily into k-pop (I don't know how to be honest). During that time, it seemed like the all she ever talked about was k-pop. Whether it was some girl/boy group or an album coming, this bitch would never shut up about it. I was in a different place back then, so whenever she brought up some kpop related shit, I would often make fun of her and judge her for only caring about one thing. And for the record, I knew what I was doing wasn't cool and it took me awhile to see that I was being a huge asshole. With me acting this way, I saw that it was badly affecting our relationship so I thought why not learn more about the world of kpop from her. From then on, I'd let her show me music videos, live performances, the many albums she has bought, the picture books and so on and so forth. She introduced me to so many groups but the one that stood out the most to this day definitely has to be BTS (but I'll get more into that soon…). Even with all of this exposure, I still had my qualms about k-pop. I would still find something to criticize about the industry, some fair and unfair. But the funny thing was that my sister had her own criticisms concerning kpop, yet that didn't stop her from loving it. It took me a long time to understand where she was coming from. She loves kpop because she can relate to the idols and the meaning behind their songs, and that's essentially the basis of loving any kind of music. 

This post was originally just supposed to be my thoughts on BTS but I thought adding some background would add more substance to this, I dunno. But yeah BTS, like I said before this group stood out to me the most and despite that I wanted to bad to hate them. I was just petty like that. At first, I'd find anything to clown them for; from their strange stage names (V? J-Hope?? Rap Monster???) or their early emo meets hip hop, bad boy phase. There was even a point where I dismissed them as just a bunch of pretty boys, which is like weird on my part because there's nothing wrong with being both super talented and gorgeous as hell (>//////з//////<)

But even with me making fun of them at first, there was still something about this group that I liked, I just didn't know that something was. I was still open to watching their videos, their variety show appearances and photo books among other things. It took me awhile to put faces to names and remember each person's personality. The cynic in me wanted to think that these dudes are completely manufactured from head to toe. I mean you see so much of that here in America, why not with them? But there's a huge part of me that does believe each of the seven members are genuinely different from each other. I might even say that BTS is the most genuine k-pop band I've ever encountered. I would go over why I like each individual member but this blog is already long enough (maybe in another post). From what I've seen, BTS started out as a group of young men that were chasing for the same dream and now they've achieved it. I can't help but respect that and be happy for them. And seeing much that they changed the lives of fans all over the world (my sister included), I regret not falling in love with them sooner. 

I think it's funny to think how much I wanted to hate k-pop but to be real I just didn't understand it, and thus dismissed as juvenile and cutesy. While I don't feel that way, I still wouldn't call myself a k-pop stan. I appreciate the art and there's definitely songs that I really like, but I never really latched onto many groups. So, and not to be overly sentimental, I do find it weird how BTS managed to find its way into my heart. According to my sister, I'm still considered a "local" or "baby Army", not completely an Army yet apparently. But I'm more than alright with that. I still feel like I can love them while in the place I'm in now. 

Also, I'd like to add that getting into BTS has made me and my sister closer than ever so I'm really grateful for that (•́ᴗ•̀)♡

[meanderfall]

im not wearing my glasses n thats a lot of reading so uhh any one with a number 7 in it those are the ones I'm asking

This took forever and a day babe, i hope you’re happy

7: do you name your plants?

I don’t have any because i kill everything i touch, but if i did, i probably would.

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

A purplish-red! Like so:

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

I don’t really chew bubblegum��� but i think I enjoy mint the most

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

Tbh, I like it best when it’s messy-ish clean. Like, it’s clean, but it’s obviously lived in, like the bed isn’t made, and there’s books all over the place… But, in all honesty, my room tends to be messy just because keeping it clean so constantly is a lot of effort. (My dad likes the say that it’s a symptom of someone who lives so much in their own mind that they pay little attention to their environment. Which isn’t exactly wrong in my case lmao, the only reason i can see as to why keeping things clean is important is to avoid pests and fungi from growing.)

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

I don’t feel strongly enough about anything to want it banned… but could we please stop breakfast restaurants from bringing your toast already buttered? Butter is so gross… it’s only use is to slick the pans when cooking imo.

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

I’ve like never listened to this song before honestly and yet, i wanted to sing along… That being said, I actually don’t like this song. Everyone seems to enjoy it a lot and im just like. Painfully neutral about it. it’s kind of boring honestly…

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

At peace. The entire world seems to quiet down for a little and it’s nice. In a way, could you almost say that the world falls into a hush, either because it’s the kind of day that makes most other people sad, or because, just for today, it feels like anything could happen, that the fantastical could suddenly emerge from the mist…

Either way, I find those days to be the ones where I feel the most relaxed and happy.

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

Nope!

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

This one:

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

No. As long as I pay attention, I can remember most things. (Which is good, because my note-taking in class is awful and I’d probably not be able to pass any test if it weren’t for that.)

73: what are some of your worst habits?

Procrastination. Going to bed at like 2 am. Not immediately cleaning up after myself. Refusing to do things with my friends because I don’t feel social. (and… im going to stop here bc if i continue things are really going to become self-loathing)

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

They gorgeous, silky hair that i love running my fingers through, They’re pretty tall. And they’re good at everything!!! Gym, arts and crafts, writing, theater, music... the only thing they struggle with is physics and chemistry, and they’re a bit slow in math (well, compared to me at least). They love having fun and being silly and laughing, and they really love my sarcasm for some reason i dont understand it,  and they’re one of the sweetest people you will ever meet in your life. A good heart and soul through and through, and i don’t understand why they’re my friend, but they seem to like me so im just rolling with it.

75: tell us about your pets!

They’re dead.

Nah okay, I’ll tell you about… all of them that I can remember.

There’s Rascal, my cat!!!! He was a grey and brown tabby with supper fluffy fur!!! We kind of suspected he was part ragdoll lol. My mom used to intern at the vet’s and someone brought him in as a kitten in the middle of winter. Mom offered to have him stay with us until he got better, but we ended up adopting him lol. We instantly bonded, and he was my closest, and pretty much only, friend throughout my entire childhood!!! Lying down with him on top of me, purring, always made me feel better. He was extremely gentle and lazy. He almost never went outside lol. And he knew how to relax next to someone without getting in their way (going on my lap while i was on the computer, or off to the side of the desk, or even just lying on top of my mouse arm). If I called him, he would instantly come running. That’s actually how we got him down when he was stuck in a tree, I called for him and he raced down the trunk. But it had to be in a special way! You ready for what it was? Rascally-dascally-poo. He was a good kitty. Some days, I miss him more than anything else in the world.

There was Whiskers, a tuxedo cat. Easily the most dignified and sophisticated cat you will ever meet in your life. The leader of the cats and a badass. When one of the other cats was being harassed by a neighborhood cat, Whiskers handed his ass to him. He took Rascal under his wing and taught him how to use the litter box. When we got Bear and Bear would bark and snap at the cats, Whiskers chased him around the goddamn yard. If there was ever a kittypet that deserved to go to Starclan, it was him.

Next is Butterscotch, an orange tabby, who might actually still be alive. He was a… rougher kind of cat. Outdoorsy. Wasn’t the type to cuddle at all, and usually off doing his own thing. He ran away after too many dogs, because honestly, he was probably sick of this shit, of his home life being continually disrupted like that. Mom says she’s seen him around before.

Then there’s Cuddles, a completely black cat with thumbs! She would open doors lol Independent af. Killed a lot of birds in her time. She and Whiskers used to team up actually. She would climb the trees to get the newborn chicks to fall off the branches and Whiskers would finish them off or eat them. She had a little bit of an attitude for sure. Had to get rid of her though, when she started peeing everywhere when we got Bear. I think her and Butterscotch used to follow us to our bus stop from time to time.

We also had Sam, a black shaggy dog. The sweetest thing ever and gentle. Smart too. The cats could actually sleep on top of him and he wouldn’t care at all.  He died when I was, wow, i think near the end of primary? it’s been a while, so i dont remember him much.

All five of those pets used to live together in the same house btw. And once he died, we tried to get other dogs. I remember Chloe, who would jump into our pool and swim with us. I think then was Bear, a German Shepard, who really didn’t like the cats at all. We tried getting another German Shepard, Drago, but he attacked a kid, so we had to put him down. Then we tried Smudge, a tiny-sh dog, that reminds me of a scottish terrier but isn’t that at all. He was black and he would definitely try and keep up with Bear. But we waited too long to get him neutered and he started peeing on things, so we had to give him up. I think it was around this point that Cuddles also started peeing on things and Butterscotch ran away.

I live with my dad now, and he doesn’t have any pets. My mom has three cats though. Tux, another Tuxedo cat, who is huge!!! He loves eating, but he’s an outdoors cat, so part of it is also muscle. Very lazy, and pretty sweet. I love chilling with him. There’s Ebony, a black cat, that, in all honesty, is a total bitch. Just. She’s a bitch okay. Hisses at everything. Hates everyone. Stays outdoors for as much as she can. Lastly, there’s Raphael, a pure siamese, who’s still pretty young and a lot playful. An annoying shit that bothers Tux and Ebony a lot, which makes them avoid staying indoors for as much as possible. Extremely clingy to mom too.

I think I’ve covered all of them? Oh, my older brother had a stint where he owned some birds, but, uh, birds actually freak him out a lot and he only did it because one of his friends owns some and like breeds them.

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

Applying for jobs. Checking my final grades. Calling the hospital to make an appointment. 

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

yellow lemonade

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

Neither. They’re not that great, but they are pretty cute and funny.

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

My little brother drew a picture for me of me and him having a pokemon battle!!! He was the champion and he had a greninja (his favourite pokemon) and i was an Ace pokemon trainer and i had an absol (my favourite pokemon). It’s pinned to my corkboard right now. 

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

Night of the Lepus. You haven’t lived until you’ve watch ‘giant’ rabbits run through a ‘town’ set to what can only be described as darkwave music.

(in all honesty, i have no idea. im not a movie buff??? ive got nothing for you. pls leave me alone, this is harassment.)

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

INTP, Capricorn, and Hufflepuff (actually more of a ravenpuff, but i like being in hufflepuff more)

[marlaalcott]

I'm going to make a post about OCD.

Let's start with some very very basic background story on my OCD. I have struggled with this illness for a long time. I can trace it back to as early as age 9/10. I have no recollection whether it existed beforehand, but even as a child I could recognize that I was doing things that didn't feel "normal" without rationalized/logical explanation. I felt overwhelming compulsions to carry out the actions.

In retrospect, the earliest symptoms that I can recall aligned with the period of my life that my brother was in a near fatal car accident (that's a whole other emotional post in itself). Irregular thoughts and actions for sure started at that point.

I don't know precisely what age this began, or if it existed before said car accident, but I also remember having hoarding tendencies for useless inanimate objects. I shared a bedroom with my brother, and in it we had these 2 dressers that were stacked on top of each other (we didn't have a lot of space). The open area/gap that existed between the dressers became a storage place for me. I used to put a lot of stuff in there. Most of it was useless crap. For example: I remember saving wrappers from Spice Girl bubblegum and lollipops.

There was also a time in my early teens that I used to save transit tickets. I legit was able to pick up any given transfer, look at the time and date, and remember exactly where I went and who I was with. They held sentiment and served as keepsakes.

Fast forward through my mid teenage years. I seemed to have fought off my illness for the most part during this period. By the time I met my life partner in my late teens, he described my outwardly strange actions as nothing more than "quirks". Yes. He agreed that some of the stuff I did seemed strange, but not outright crazy.

In my early 20's I had a full on OCD crash. The illness litterally consumed my entire existence. The 2 people who were closest to me watched and stood by as my sanity crumbled like the Roman Empire. I was lost. I was a shell of myself. It was rock bottom at that point in my life. My own personal hell. Something I would never wish on anyone. I strongly believe this was also the catalyst for the demise of my romantic relationship. My illness drove away the one person I loved more than anyone or anything in the world. And that fucking sucks. (More on that another day!).

Anyways. Let's fast forward to the present. I have tried my best to keep it under wraps the best that I can since way back then. It comes and goes varying severity, but luckily it hasn't been anything nearly as bad as back then. I battle it every waking moment of my existence.

Now let's speed up to the past few days. An incident took place Monday night/into Tuesday, that I'm not OK with. I entered into it willingly. Nothing "wrong" happened per se, but fuck if I felt anything but wrong afterwards. Here's some more back story to my current life and the situation at hand. I have spent the past year and a half living in denial of my still existent love for my ex. He broke up with me last May, and we have had nothing short of a rocky road since. We are 2 puzzle pieces that no longer fit together (there will be numerous posts on the topic of my heartache in the future). Not too long after we split, I had a sexual encounter that I consider non consensual. I refuse to classify it as r*pe due to the intense ramifications of that definition, but what took place was certainly not OK. To say the least. (Side note, that guy is a douchebag). I didn't handle the aftermath of that incident well. I made an effort to seek the help that I needed, but it fell through due to horrible management who denied my request to go to hospital emergency (because y'know. My 4 hour shift in a part time retail environment was the most important thing in the world!). Ugh.

Time carried on, and I fought through each passing day with mounting hurt and emotional trauma that stemmed from the devastation of the loss of a marriage (essentially), and then the non consensual scenario. Somehow I've made it through the last year running from all of this fuckery.

Yesterday a snippet of the buried trauma came creeping back in. I turned to 4 of my close friends for consoling. It was needed. I gained 4 different insights to try and put the situation into perspective. At the end of the day the most important questions were "Why do I feel guilty?" "Why do I have so much anxiety?" "Why do I feel "icky/dirty"?" The shitty thing is that I couldn't answer any of these questions with any amount of definitive clarity.

I have learned a few things though: I am NOT ready for sexual relations with any new human beings. As it turns out, I value sex as more of a sacred and spiritual connectiveness act than I previously thought I did. My heart and body still metaphorically belong to someone else (even though in reality they are MINE). I also believe that I need to be in love and part of an established relationship before I can consider engaging in any sexual acts. I need a foundation.

I didn't get any sleep Monday night. (Half an hour in and out consciousness if I'm lucky). But fuck if my OCD didn't kick my ass. My primary struggles are "contamination" oriented, coupled with magical thinking (I'll make a separate post with a more in depth definition of magical thinking). When those 2 are combined, you get me as a result! And God damn it is hell on earth.

Here's what happened. And I don't expect anyone to understand any of this (unless you have OCD as well).

I came home and headed straight into my room (as I usually do) to remove my boots and socks. My dogs came to greet me and tried to give me kisses, but I denied said kisses because I didn't want "oral sex germs" on my babies. I headed into the shower, got out, and then continued to commence my usual after shower routine. Here's where shit started to hit the fan. I grabbed a cotton pad and sprayed my toner onto it to wipe my face, and BAM. Magical thinking contamination OCD brain kicked in! I thought to myself "I haven't brushed my teeth yet. The inside of my mouth is still contaminated. What if the cotton pad spread those still existent germs onto my clean face?". I tried to ignore my irrational concerns and carried on. I applied moisturizer and the rest of my face products, put hair product in my hair, deodorant on the pits, I peed, then I exited the bathroom and got dressed. When I was done all that I acquired my toothbrush and brought it back into the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I finished brushing, I broke down. I used hand soap to rewash my entire face, but I couldn't shake the feelings that my face was contaminated. So back into the shower I went! 2 showers. 2 FUCKING SHOWERS. FML. And when I got out the second time, I had a hard time believing that I even brushed my teeth to begin with (yay magical thinking brain for being able to convince myself of untruths!). I got through it all and went out to see a friend, but when I got home my anxiety was still fucked and I felt unsafe in my bed.

I got lots of MUCH NEEDED sleep, but I still felt "scared" of my bedding when I woke up. That fear did not diminish with the sleep. Remember how I said I took off my boots when I got home? Yeah. My "dirty" clothes touched my bedding. *Gasp*

I was supposed to see a couple of close friends today, but she had to cancel. So I succumbed to my OCD! I full spiraled. Like I did years ago. I legitimately felt my brain unraveling into that same insanity. I recognized this place. I have been there before. And my biggest fear is falling right off the rails again.

After I was cancelled on, I didn't know what to do with myself or my day. I was also emotionally worked up and anxious, because I had just looked at my exes Facebook page (this is a form of self harm for me. Seeing his public flirtations with his new love interest, is more than I can handle at this time in my life). So into the wash half of my bedding goes! And then I hopped back into the shower, sat down, and cried under the running hot water while asking higher powers to help me. All in all I have rewashed bedding that was already cleaned not even a week ago along with some clothing (clothing that included what I wore into the hotel Monday night), and showered twice. Totally unnecessary, but fuck. At least I feel calmer.

I think my OCD is coming back into play as a control mechanism. My ex is building a new life for himself along with a new partner, and it's my mind's way of easing itself. Everything is falling apart (hopefully to eventually come back together), and my illness is resurfacing in attempts to regain some kind of power. (I'm scared of my toothbrush btw).

I believe suppressed feelings of my non consensual sexual encounter from last year also resurfaced yesterday. Disclaimer: This incident was with someone I know and trust. It wasn't "wrong", but it felt wrong for me. I am NOT someone who can do the whole NSA/FWB thing. I learned about myself!

The guy I was with even made a few comments along the way of being concerned about my fragility. Turns out, he was right! I guess he knows aspects of myself better than I even do. :(

Today was a huge OCD failure. I NEED a psychiatrist referral. I don't want to go back to my dark place.