#i love being insane about something bc i can just overthink these things

[kivaember]

Michigan's Emblem

well a passing observation had me going down a rabbit hole SO JOIN ME ON MY JOURNEY

At a glance, the emblem looks pretty cool alright? But there are some things that leap out at me:

why does ur liger have five legs, michigan

the heraldic style of the liger

the odd placement of the blade for a heraldic style

the liger's positioning

So the leg thing is interesting to me, because in heraldic style, there are three ways that an animal can be positioned: rampant, passant and statant.

(Okay actually I lie there's more than three ways, there's like eight but there's three that's the most common)

Rampant is the one people usually think of first when it comes to heraldry: the animal is standing on its hindlegs, forelegs raised in a clawing motion or reaching out.

Passant and statant, however, is when the animal is on all fours. Passant is when a front leg is held up (much like how Ligertail's fifth leg is), and statant is when all four paws/hooves/whatever are touching the ground. Examples below:

Rampant

Passant

Statant

Now Ligertail is in both Passant and Statant thanks to its five legs. This is interesting because of two things:

Statant postures are more frequent as crests than on charges on shields, which refers to their positioning on the heraldry. So, uh, crest is on the top, and charge is on the middle rightish.

A lion in passant may be called a leopard, because way back when the general rule (for English heralds) was that a passant lion was termed a leopard and a rampant lion was termed a lion.

Actually I'll be a bit more detailed: a lion in passant guardant, that is, its head facing towards the observer, is called a leopard. A lion in passant where its head is facing forwards is called a lion-leopard. (Looks at Liger... Lion-Tiger...)

In an old manuscript called de harudrie, a leopard was considered "borne of an adulterous union between a lioness and a pard" and like a mule incapable of reproducing. So a leopard was considered an appropriate charge for a person either born of adultery or someone that's forbidden to reproduce (like someone who's sworn a vow of chastity). Meanwhile lions traditionally symbolises courage, nobility, strength and valour.

OKAY so we have that quick and dirty and very simplified heraldry info out of the way (for those of you who are more au fait with heraldry feel free to chime in if i got anything wildly wrong), what does this mean for Michigan's five-legged heraldic liger?

Firstly, that it's in both passant and statant comes across as if Michigan is caught between two states, esp combined with Liger which is a Lion-Tiger hybrid. Statant is a posture usually used on crests, and a statant lion is still acknowledged as a lion, but a passant lion ends up being launched into that ambiguous realm of 'leopard' - and the whole implication of being a bastard or chaste. I wouldn't be surprised if it's Michigan making a joke. Maybe he's well-known as a bastard son of someone important, but his Hero of Jupiter title has him vaunted as a respectable figure (thus Crest) and so it's one of those 'widely known secrets no one talks about or acknowledges'.

There probably is some clever heraldic thing that the five legged liger caught between statant and passant means... let the theories flow...

Anyway, there's one other thing too: Ligertail's, er, tail. The way the tail forks and the end tapers into a sword, curled over Liger's back, sort of gives me scorpion vibes. Is it intentional? Who knows. Maybe he wanted to match with the other bug boys, or maybe he thought it looked cool. Anyways, I'm looking at that scorpion-esque tail and going hmmm.

Anyway, this was a fun deep dive. Maybe the fifth leg was just an accident and Michigan kept it because well, lol, it's funny. Or maybe there really is a deep meaning to it all hidden behing obscure heraldry rules..... or even if there isn't, I'm thinking there is one now and no one can stop me.

[aequitaes]

@sicsemper suffer my tag rambles. ✌🏻

The way Haikaveh/Kavetham is written in a way that makes both of them have their individual characters while also being an integral part in each other's lives. Both of them have their own beliefs and ideology. They both have different things they work on, Alhaitham being this avid researcher and Kaveh being this idealistic artist. Their characters don't necessarily revolve around each other all the time, but there is no doubt that they are both very important people to each other. Kaveh is the exception to Alhaitham, and Alhaitham grounds Kaveh. They each complete the other while the other completes them. So even though they're their own people, you can't separate the influence they have on each other.

[ofpd]

yes i would love an exr fic rec list ‼️

ok then here are some of my faves & why i like them! putting them in alphabetical order so i don't overthink the order lol

Beautiful & Good by @riotstarruika

possibly the only canon era fic i've read about enjolras and grantaire in a healthy & functional relationship—something that has to be earned in order to be realistic, and this fic earns very well. it explores both characters so interestingly and thoroughly and overall is so lovely to read.

epiphany by Abidatchery

i really love the specific ways in which they fail or refuse to communicate here, but slowly grow to see each other a bit better when forced to by circumstance. this fic also has such a distinct atmosphere that it's both about les amis & all of paris having a wild time, while it slowly focuses more on enjolras and grantaire as they start to be more in their own world with just each other.

Eyes to Serve, Hands to Learn by @myrmidryad

94k words about enjolras and grantaire doing bdsm in really interesting ways & developing their relationship! this fic is what really got me obsessed with exr bdsm & developed my thoughts about it a lot. also i like to refer to it as "enjolras is hot au" bc well he's so much hotter than the celibate & insane about sex & naturally blond enjolras we know from canon lmao

If Truth Is North by @lesamis

who doesn't love a road trip between two people whose thinking and communication styles are fundamentally deeply incompatible! this fic really gets at enjolras and grantaire's psyches in such interesting, nuanced, and insightful ways; they clash so perfectly but slowly begin to understand each other & help each other grow.

Into the Light by AnarchyLuvver69

ok so enjolras and grantaire only really see each other when they die......so what if they became ghosts & processed everything over the course of decades while watching over france

It's Not the Same Anymore by @shamedumpster

i love how much care this fic puts into all the characters and how it balances being quite heavy at times with being heartwarming and loving throughout. also despite its length i've read it over the course of just a couple days multiple times lmao

On the Path to Elysium by @thevagueambition

grantaire characterization of all time to me! he's so assholeish at times and depressed and dysfunctional but clearly deeply caring, especially towards his friends. also an impressively-researched exploration of canon era queerness and all the different ways that les amis relate to it.

Stages Of Light by fallingvoices

the thing about this fic is that it's crazyyy it has the kind of lack of communication between them that i love and the vibes are so off-putting in such a good way and overall well i just really love when authors are brave enough to make them really not work well together except maybe when it comes to sex

You never have to wonder; you never have to ask. by gamesformay

a fic about les amis surviving a modern au version of their failed rebellion and having to figure out what comes next, and enjolras and grantaire having to figure out what their relationship is after having thought for a moment they were going to die together. some really amazing vibes that give the impression that you're reading about a group of friends with real history together and catching a snippet of their lives in paris.

this is just a few of the fics i've really enjoyed; you can check out my bookmarks for more if you'd like!

[snaillock]

heeyy^x^

i really like ur writings🤭 and i’m happy bc finally someone writes male reader stories

anyway!! i would like to request a sae x gamer/streamer m!reader fic, where the reader is a big gamer and also a twitch streamer, how did sae get along with that, how does sae take it when the reader doesn't pay attention to him because he's playing / chatting with his friends on discord🫣 sorry if i write something wrong english is not my first language😔 had a good day!!

sae itoshi x male!streamer!reader

tysm anon! i’m glad you enjoy my stuff! i also hope you enjoy this and that it’s to your satisfaction

tags: male reader, established relationship, jealous and overthinking sae, surprise! sae also sucks ass at communicating, also lowkey self-indulgent since i secretly dream of being a streamer, doing a different format than what i typically do

sae knows he’s being hypocritical but he simply can’t help it.

he saw the way you would hole yourself up in your office, streaming for several hours straight almost every day. sometimes you wouldn’t even get out to take a break.

you could’ve given yourself a much more laidback schedule thanks to sae’s success and wealth. instead you chose not to rely on him financially and prioritized your self-independence and stability. the only thing you really accepted from him career-wise was the massive clout boost that came with being his boyfriend. not to mention, you just loved the career path you chose, even if it did make you stressed sometimes. so you were more than fine with committing a lot of effort into it despite his insistence.

he understands and relates to how busy your lifestyle can get, yet he can’t help but feel a little neglected when he rarely sees you outside your office during the day and knows you don’t have much time free time to spend with him.

and perhaps he did feel jealous whenever he overheard you and your other streamer friends voice calling and playing games, laughing and cracking jokes with each other.

ugh he hated the idea that he could get jealous at all. he knows he should be more rational about this. he’s supposed to be the rational one! but he can’t help it. you’re his boyfriend! you should be spending your time with him. laughing and making jokes with him.

it’s gotten so bad that he even felt annoyed by your viewers fawning over you. he knew feeling a threatened by them was crazy because who the hell doesn’t know you’re sae itoshi’s boyfriend. anyone would be crazy to try to come in between that. plus he has plenty of his own simps going insane over him. so he of all people should be more than aware of what it’s like to be with someone who’s famous and very out there in the world. he should especially expect this when he’s dating such a good looking guy.

sae has rarely felt insecure about himself either. until his mind started spiraling and he manages to convince himself that he isn’t interesting enough to be with you compared to your gamer friends. he definitely doesn’t say anything to you about it since he doesn’t want you think he’s weak because of it. instead he lets those overcooked insecurities build up even more and more in his head until he starts believing them.

one day he noticed your office door slightly cracked open so he peeked his head in to see you streaming. which you then noticed from the corner of your eye.

“sae!” you spun your chair around to face him. you quickly took off your headphones, forgetting to mute the microphone, and held your arms out with a big smile. “come here baby!”

he was surprised and flustered from your enthusiastic response. how could he not be when he’s been living with those negative ideas about the relationship for a while that he’s gotten so used to them. he reluctantly walked over to you to which you wrapped your arms around his neck, making him bend down to your eye level.

“i’m so sorry i’ve been so busy lately,” you said before cupping his face and planting kisses on his cheeks. “i promise i’ll make it up to you.” his face softened as he felt his worries wash away thanks to your words and kisses.

“alright,” he nodded. everything’s going to be alright. he watched your screen from the corner of his eye as the live chat started going crazy, with a slight smirk on his face.

a.n: when i got this request, i was also working on a much bigger sae fic which should be coming out in a few days or so. it’s currently 2k+ words. so stay tuned and if anyone wants to be tagged when it’s posted, let me know!

i also don’t think i can post a fic without using read more. i always write so fucking much.

[nezz-cringe-crib]

LAWLIGHT HEADCANONS LAWLIGHT HEADCANONS LAWLIGHT HEADCANONS PLSS

Share your winsdom with us mortals

ALSO- Some L angst maybe? I like seeing him suffer bc he is my favorite blorbo and I love making my blorbos suffer

(only if you are comfortable with it, ofc. Don't wanna push anything :) )

OOOOUGHH AAAAAA ABSOLUTELY

i always suck at giving hcs off the fly, but here's some i've thought up of before and like to think about instead of sleeping :333 (be warned that they're all pretty vanilla lolz. my hcs are basic. i just like my blorbos.)

Lawlight hcs:

blorbbooo tiiimmeeeee :33 - i personally really like fluffy lawlight things, but a lot of those are usually for aus and everything (since i can't see them being very fluffy in the normal death note plot). but i like to imagine them having stupid teenage-like crush moments with each other. like maybe during the yotsuba arc or something, L wants more sweets but watari is already out doing something, so his dramatic ass is just whining about "oh woe is me....... there's nothing in the vicinity for me to munch on......... how will i ever go on......." and then to get him to shut up, light begrudgingly either bakes something for L (which could probably lead to a lot of silly shenanigans with stupid dorky smiles before light immediately takes it back and starts bickering with L again), or light convinces L to go buy some sweets from a bakery in town (and then L gets distracted because there's multiple sweet-filled stores and his greedy ass has to try all of them so now they're essentially just going on a date trip around all the sweet stores in town). - also to add onto that last bullet, there's this one fic i just read last night that was so stupid and adorable and i loved it. it's called "You can't have my name, but you can have my number" and i recommend checking it out if you like short and sweet fluffy fics. :] (and if you want more fluffy fics, go read everything @rawrlight has made. his fics are so fucking good please read them i am obsessed with them actually pleasepleasepleaseplease) - L is surprisingly good with kids and light won't admit it but he's kinda into it. - L nonchalantly shares food with light and light totally overthinks the shit out of it. - they totally pick at each other for everything. light picks at L for every unsanitary thing he does. L picks at light for having an unnecessarily long and complicated hygiene routine (i like to imagine he has a shit ton of hair and skincare products). anybody who walks past the bathroom while they're in it is bound to hear non-stop bickering. (or, if you really wanna match my freak, have matsuda open the bathroom door while they're getting ready only to see them in the middle of a fight. whether the pose they're in looks compromisingly homosexual is up to you my dear sillies).

uhhhhhh and that's all i can think of for now. awww zoinks.....

but now L angst headcanons yipeeeeeeeee :33333

L angst hcs:

ooougghhhh buckle up boyz... it's angsty tism time..... - i don't think L was ever good at making friends (this is very much a projected headcanon but shshshshshsh ignore that). despite being insanely intelligent and pretty damn good at whatever he sets his mind to, i don't think he ever got the hang of making deep, personal connections. and i feel like he wants to. throughout his whole life, maybe he wanted to make friends but it always just fell flat. maybe as a child there were times where thought he had made a friend, only to realize those feelings were not reciprocated. despite everything he tried, he was just never "human" enough to seemingly make all those lasting connections that he analyzes so deeply. and i think he probably gave up on trying at some point. and all of this is why i feel like his connection with light is so important. even though he knows it'll end in tragedy and that he will die by light's hand, he still can't help but feel... a little more human with light. and i think he'd risk death in order to feel like that one more time. - i don't usually like reading/seeing heavily angsty stuff, but i remember seeing somebody headcanon that they thought L went through solitary confinement as a child in the wammy house, and i always thought that was interesting. i'm not gonna expand on it though since heavy angst isn't really my vibe. (i love making my blorbos suffer, but not too much.) - yeah most of my L angst is him just being incredibly lonely. in the sense of "he doesn't cry about it (he's probably only cried once in his life and that was probably as a very young child), but there's always been some missing piece in his heart that just can't ever seem to be filled". - actually-- loneliness and his inhumanity. that's what i fuck with the most. though they kind of intertwine, so. yeah i kinda just sound like a broken record atp but sshhhhhhhhhhh it pays off (sometimes) i swear. - he also has a lot of religious trauma in my eyes (again, projection). i know he's not religious or anything, but i feel like he'd fit that song "Dear God" by XTC a lot. - oh and he also sulks a fuckton. he doesn't cry, he pouts and goes to stand in the rain while reminiscing on old memories. that's what his emo dramatic ass does and i fucking love him for it.

that's all i can really think of right now. hopefully that's somewhat entertaining. most of my headcanons are very basic compared to other people i've seen, but they are still special in my heart. :))))

[k-zuzu]

휴닝가이

hueningkai 𖹭 gn!reader

kai things.

content: random things with hyuka, virgin!gn!reader, mdni, attempted humor?, me obsessing a lot, lots of brainrot

zuzu's note: main masterlist.

OBSESSING

been obsessed w him lately... so much, in all ways. he's just so best boy, yk???

and now he's my ideal type and standard for a few months.

LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM???? IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT. HE'S JUST SOOOOOOO—

let's start with traits... he's cute, adorable, cute, adorable, cute super sweet, funny, yet sooo understanding, not the type to argue but to maturely talk about problems, plus he's chill, cool, and nonchalant at the same time???

physically... my man is 6 feet tall... gentle giant much? and i love his physique, he's so angelic!!! his dancing is just 😵 🤯 you get me??? and his voice PLEAAAAASEEEEEEE

his VOICE PLEASEEEE I SAW SOMEONE WRITE THAT HE'D BE SO LOUD IN BED AND I JUST GOINF INSANE ABT THAT SJAKAAKAO.

headcanons (falling in love)

okayyy so like, falling in love with you? it's obvious with him... like, he's trying to be subtle but it's not working, literally everybody knows.

idk if u are oblivious like me or you can also tell he likes u, but it doesn't matter bcs he's obvious as fuck

he doesn't try to flirt or do anything about it, i don't think he even knows he likes you LMAO

in his mind he just thinks you're someone a little more special to him than everyone else so he feels the urge to be nicee to you. he doesn't process why or anything...

until at some point of course, like everyone else when they fall in love with someone, hyuka starts to think of you sensually.

he has the urge to grab your ass when you bend over to grab something, everytime he glances at your lips while you're talking and they're plump, sometimes wet with saliva and he imagines it's his own saliva when he makes out with you — sometimes when you're eating something really good or when he tickles you... the slightest moan comes out of your mouth and he gets really turned on.

and he's never thought of anyone that way before so he's like “huh??? uhm... ohhhh... wait? oh... wow. huh? ” he's just sooo dumbfounded. he doesn't even know when it started or anything at all and he's like wondering if it's just physical attraction or if he actually likes you romantically.

but once he comes to terms with his feelings with a little help from his fellow members, everytime he looks at you, he notices all the small things you do that he enjoys, now, he's falling in love faster than ever.

every. little. thing. you do — he's obsessed.

you like drawing? draw with him! you like sports? play with him! cooking? baking? writing? studying? sleeping? literally anything I haven't mentioned that you do, he wants to share your interests with you!

he loves you so much he's just so obsessed with you, he starts to feel a little possessive??? like ur out in a club or a bar or anywhere and some rando is attracted to you and brave enough to flirt with you unlike him, he just gets sooo jealous and then he starts wondering if he has the right to be jealous bc you're not his then he gets really sad and overthinks everything.

he was never concerned about the whole “ruining your friendship” thing but now he is because his feelings are so strong he thinks that he can't be content with just silently admiring you from afar anymore.

he never really wondered whether you like him back because he was so content with just being in love with you and imagining a whole life with you...

masturbating in his bedroom or the bathroom whenever you unknowingly turn him on — moaning your name while biting onto his shirt or maybe a small plushie...

but he doesn't want to confess just yet... so he tries something he's never done — subtle courting.

the next morning, soob and junnie are so happy he's finally doing something about his feelings when they witness him sliding a small cute heart shaped paper note into your bag while you're not looking before you head outside the apartment.

gift giving wasn't really hyuka's main thing, he's more of a physical touch or words of affirmation guy, gift giving coming in third, but he doesn't want to be too forward with you... you two are already physically comfortable and talk a lot, and he knows gifts would send a different message. the message he always wanted to send.

he doesn't even know you like him back.

literallt everyone knows bcs u told them

u were just waiting for him to do the first move so when u see the note in your bag that said “you're so adorable every day ... stay hydrated!!!”

you're so excited until you realize not to get ahead of yourself because it could be from literally anyone else

sooo when u enter a room and soob, yeonjun, and beomgyu are there playing video games ur like “sooo” you lift the note, the three of them simultaneously glance over like “???”

then they all look back at their game mumbling “yeah, that's hyuka's” — “deffo” — “hueningkai's”

you nod to yourself, satisfied.

now you have the feeling to do something in return — so the next time you're at their place you slip a note under his door that said “YOU'RE so adorable everyday! idk how i keep my hands off you!"

it's a little ballsy but you didn't regret it one bit. you are definitely nervous at what his reaction would be reaction but he's soooo flustered.

this continues — he gives you a flower, you give him a flower. he gives you an innocent cute admiration letter, you give him a more ballsy admiration letter, and so on.

headcanons (dating transition)

with the whole gift giving thing you had going on... you never really talked abt anything on a deeper level other than games or memes... cuz tbh you guys rarely see each other anymore bcs you were so busy with your own lives, so these gift giving moments begin to feel kind of empty to you, like long distance or online dating.

one time, you enter the dark living room for a midnight snack and hyuka is in the kitchen with the lights on. it's only the two of you he's making some late night milkshake and ur like... 🧍 you completely forgot what you entered the room for.

“i like you. you know that?” he asks rhetorically, you just look away for a few moments. i mean, you knew, you both knew. you just never heard it out loud. he never said it. and it felt so... unreal.

he glances at you so casually then back at his shake.

he's so nonchalant you kinda feel like everything that has happened until that moment was just a dream... but as soon as you walk up to him really slowly and awkwardly it's like... “so...” you mumble and walk over next to him as he pours the shake from the blender into a tall glass.

“i do... of course i do.” you slightly chuckle.

hueningkai is abt to leave w_his shake and you're ">:0" offended, but before he walks into his room, he turns to look at you one last time.

“a lot. for a long time.” with that, he shuts the door behind him.

“i've liked you since the moment we met.” you say... his expression remains the same, albeit a little softer.

you didn't want to be so rude as to interrupt whatever tf he's doing with his shake at 12 at night but you knock on his door.

it takes a few moments for him to open up, but he does it eventually 'n he just looks down at u like “yesss?”

“...really?” he asks ever so gently and you just nod with a small smile.

“wanna come in?” he asks and you nod once more.

you're not even sure what you're gonna do in there but you go in. as soon as you close the door behind you, you turn around and BAM hyuka pins you against it.

cliche but tbh your heart is pumping so hard and so fast ur almost sweating and trembling (literally i would die if this happened to me)

“...can I kiss you please?”

you spare no second and CRASH your lips onto his.

sure, you fell for him first but he fell so much harder.

he's been imagining this moment so much for so long. it's finally happening and he's so hungry for you — your lips, your saliva, your scent — everything he's been fantasizing is real and he's so overwhelmed he MOANS.

internally, ur like NOOO BABYYYY DON'T APOLOGIZE but you just mumble “...that was so sexy...” and you go on your tiptoes, eyes darting from his lips to his eyes. “I'd love to hear you moan like that again” you whisper.

he moans into your mouth AND YOU'RE SO TAKEN ABACK YOU JUST PULL BACK AND LOOK AT HIM AND HE'S LIKE...

“...sorry.”

HE'S SO FLUSTEREDDDD HE'S A GIGGLING MESS.

he can't hide his smile and he kind of pushes your shoulder yently, and you giggle as well and kiss his nose. “you're so adorable... everyday.”

fanfiction (mdni)

your hands find their way to his soft head of hair and you start playing with it and twirling as he does all the work and sucks on your bottom lip before biting it gently, then he progresses and goes on your neck and you slightly pull his hair back; he lets out another soft moan against the crook of your neck and that aroused you so much — you begin to wonder how many times he'll moan and whimper just like that with your pretty lips around his cock.

you wipe the side of his lip that has a bit of your shared saliva and you suck your finger. you push him toward his bed and he's like “oh this is moving fast.” as he walks backward and his ass slams down on the mattress, hands instinctively reaching up to your waist as you climb over and straddle lap and continue to make out with him, moving slowly, teasingly.

he attempts to slip his tongue in your mouth, it's kind of awkward since it's his first time but you let him in and he explores you — it's warm and wet and so new and different from what he imagined.

not that you've ever given head before...

he gives you a cheeky innocent smile... just imagining everything he could do to you in this moment, this night. you're all his right now. everything he's imagined back then could all happen right now but he doesn't wanna rush it.

but you can literally feel his hard on rn bc you're on his lap and it just turns you on so much.

it's not at all as awkward as you imagined.

desperate to hear his moans again, you grind against him and he moans so softly against your neck once more, pulling back to look at you with an expression that spoke “you can't even french kiss and you're grinding on me?” like ur so confident and for what? 😭

you love his desperation so much you whimper back and grab his nape, giving him a peck on the lips, another peck, then you kiss his collarbone and flip him over so you're sitting on his stomach and you rub your hands all over his chest, stomach, and arms until you reach the hem of his shirt and pull it off of him. you admire his bare, toned body for a good minute until he reaches for the hem of your shirt as well to make it fair — but you willingly remove it before he can and he flips you over again.

he carries you by your thighs you and slams you onto your back on his mattress and you yelp which he captures with his lips. feeling you against him as he devours your lips, he remembers how in love he is with you, how much he begged for this moment and he relives it all over again and he just becomes a starved man and you were all he craved.

even though he's already here, he wants more. so much more of you. he moans softly at the thought and whimpers on your lips. “i want more... y/n.” he whines as he grabs you — any part of you that he can get, so, so desperate to get more.

the battle for dominance is real but this time you feel like being topped so you let him. he sucks on your collarbone, his hands admiring your stomach. “how far are we going tonight?” he asks softly, and ur like... you've never done it with anyone before, and you've always imagined your first time with him for some reason, but you're not ready tonight.

“i can give you a... b-blowjob.” you mumble. and he's like... a little flustered, but he shakes his head.

“hyu...” you mumble, insecure about being seen this way, but the way you say his name distracts him — his fingers begin play at your entrance and when you whimper for more he sticks one finger in and YOU ARE SO TIGHT he's genuinely shocked as he attempts to fit a second finger.

“i'll do you first.” he whispers and you're like... shy about it. you blush and look away with a small smile and he just finds it so cute. “can i do that?” he gently asks and you nod eagerly, a little nervous, but he doesn't do anything, waiting for something more verbal.

"yes." you say. immediately, he takes your shorts off along with your underwear with ease and he admires your bare self for a little too long for comfort that you begin to feel insecure and you close your legs, but he forcibly opens them and you squirm in his grasp.

“have you ever fingered yourself before?” he asks so casually as he tries to fit a second finger in, and you squirm a little telling him to stop and let you adjust first because it hurts.

“I've tried...” you whined. “but it was hard ans i was never comfortable enough...”

hyuka finds it so cute, but he thinks for a moment... “are you sure you want to do this?”

“anything... if it's with you... but i want our first... time together to be special.” you reply. hyuka moves up to give you another kiss on the lips as he begins to bend his long fingers inside of you... it feels so... weird. you don't know if you're enjoying it because it still kind of stings and you can't find the pleasure in it, but soon enough you adjust to the feeling and you start to feel the good part of this act you never understood — “i want... you” you mumble against your forearm that's covering your mouth and he pulls it away from you.

“don't cover...” he mumbles and he begins to move his fingers faster. “what do you want, y/n?” he whispers.

“more.” you whine. “y-you-” you let out a breathy moan as he hits your g-spot, again, and again, and again. and he leans down to suck on your stomach, then your inner-thighs, leaving marks everywhere, then he licks and prods at your hole, his pace unrelenting so you don't lose your progress — your moans go louder and louder and he goes faster and faster and you see white.

“...i like you, so... so much.”

your breathing is heavy...

you never thought you'd cum to hueningkai fingering you so intensely... it feels so... you can't even describe it.

he swallows your cum and he moans against you, finally tasting you... it just got him so hard in his pants he could cum right then but you're just so overwhelmed with everything you need a few moments to calm down before you can do your part. “you're... so good.” you say, out of breath. and hyuka smiles up at you, he climbs over you and holds the back of your head, giving you a long and passionate kiss.

[vxsellie]

hello all 🤗 ive been overthinking & listening to hozier (literally me in a nutshell) and so i'm gonna be doing a deep dive on the song talk because it's eating away at me

the thing is, all of hozier's songs can be interpreted differently & thats what people love about them. they can be morphed and personalized depending on who's listening. so i can't say that my thoughts are 100% correct, bc they aren't. it's my personal opinion, so pls bear that in mind

anyway!

the song opens with him explaining the greek myth of orpheus and eurydice — where a man goes into the underworld to bring back his dead wife, trekking all the way down & making a deal w hades, only to lose her a second time by breaking said deal

lots of people focus purely on this verse when they talk abt the song, but i don't think that this is what's important.

like, yes, the way her perceives the controversial myth is interesting blah blah blah, but let's dive into WHY he's talking about it maybe? why he literally retold the story when he usually just briefly mentions myths, expecting us to already know every single greek myth in existence (love him for that even tho it drives me insane when i have to do extensive research just to listen to his music)

see, he myth is only mentioned once throughout the entire song, and it doesn't center on what most people do when the story is brought up. hozier doesn't debate on why orpheus turned around, how eurydice died, what pact he made with hades, etc etc. he simply tells the story for context & focuses on what's most important / why the myth exists in the first place — their love.

not only does he focus on the real, rawness that comes with being in love, but he makes this the entire point of the song. and how he does this, well, that's the real kicker 🥳🥳

he. makes. love. the. narrator.

like WHAT??? he makes LOVE the narrator???

he fucking tells the myth in the perspective of love itself, calling himself (aka the narrator) the voice that brought orpheus to madness when finding his wife's corpse & the grief that drove him into the underworld & the all-consuming devotee that made him break the pact w hades & the reason eurydice forgave him in an instant even though he lost her only chance at life again. LOVE is telling this story and i cannot be convinced otherwise

following this verse of orpheus & eurydice's tale, he says "imagine being loved by me"

he's literally telling you to picture being loved by love itself.

the song goes on to list more examples of where love exists — mankind's obsession with death and sex, needing the "sweet feeling of release" in both of these things despite them seeming to be complete opposites to the naked eye.

and! this further pushes the ideals that love can be brutal and raw (death) whilst simultaneously being sweet and intimate (sex).

also "i'd be the last shred of truth in the lost myth of true love" is basically saying that genuine love is rarely found anymore, nigh impossible in its manmade divinity. he says that the thing keeping that one last thread from breaking — which would cause love to be completely lost to the world — is love itself. HIM.

and then he goes on to repeat that line after each example he gives. "imagine being loved by me", saying that despite the pain and grief and awful truth that comes with loving someone, everyone craves it in spite of the inevitable & will forever search for something as genuine as the love that orpheus and eurydice had. even though it's a tragedy, it's what we all want, right?

in conclusion, idk if i want to strangle or kiss andrew for creating this song

[honkshuah]

okay um, rant of the month

todays rant is about:

what a "weird kid" is in general and why theres so much misinformation about what it revolves around on to even get that title

also. PLEASE don't attack this post. i know weird kids are on tumblr, and this is no way directed towards them.

okay. i have seen a bunch of posts that literally piss me off for absolutely no reason, but when was being in fandoms "weird"?

like. i'll see things like

"fandoms im in: batim, undertale, gravity falls, fnaf, ect!! (i know im a weird kid!!)"

or

"me being a weird kid bc i like gravity falls and fnaf"

or, the most popular one:

"you were a weird kid if you watched/played these in your childhood: undertale, batim, cuphead, gravity falls, fnaf"

when the fuck did being in fandoms make you a "weird kid"

let me just explain why i got the weird kid title, and its definitely not because of fandoms.

(these apply to me, not everyone, i will explain everyone in a second.)

people ask why you do certain things in offensive and rude ways, resulting in bullying

from that bullying, you get tormented for the rest of your school years, people even following you home to doxx you because your so "different"

hobbies you cant keep anymore because they dont make you normal

if you look any way different from the whole edgar or stanley girl personas and styles, you'll get recorded and posted online

you still keep 2 blankets from when you were 1 years old even if its old and ripped up and makes you look stupid

getting class titles and nicknames that stick with you for a long time

when you have weird routines you can only do at your house and you overthink that you'll lose everyone you love if you do them anywhere else even if you think it makes you comfortable

realizing the only people that will make you feel better are people with similar situations

doing "disgusting" habits

being yourself.

theres an insane amount more i couldve added.

these are things that DONT make you a weird kid

fandoms that you think are different from others

cool bands you like

doing art digitally, traditionally, or forms of art in general

having your hair dyed

being a goth, alt, hippie, ect

these unfortunately do not make you a weird kid. theres more too i could list, but i wont.

being a weird kid is hating the title.

you dont "call yourself a weird kid" to make friends.

you dont want to be weird or different.

because apparently, weird = bad.

you try to stay away from it, but its something you cant.

you get the weird kid title from being called it by people who are "normal"

you dont call yourself a weird kid to find other weird kids. its interests YOU enjoy to find other people who like it. which, is fandoms.

fandoms are communities supposed to make you express yourself and share things you like about the fandom

if your in the taylor swift community, you wouldnt openly say your a weird kid or they would find you different.

the point is to not be different.

if your in the fnaf community, you would openly say your a weird kid, right?

no. its just finding other people who like the same stuff as you. not finding actual weird kids who suffer from so much bullying and weird habits that they dont call themselves weird kids, they call themselves different. they hate different.

you may hear sometimes "everyone is different!"

yes, but we hate being different because its hard to not care.

some people have it different and view it different. you can be confident on the outside, and depressed on the inside.

its horrible.

[virgobingo]

hey! love all your jjk metas :)

just wanted to throw thoughts at you if you are interested!

so the very sparse info Gege provides for Gojo and Geto has, imo, some fridge horror to it. They must remain head-canon but I'm curious if you think my thoughts are a stretch or not.

child abuse cw

I wondered if Suguru snapping after finding Nanako and Mimiko was meant as a subtle hint at Geto, a child from a non-sorceror family, having childhood abuse background. His rampage at the village seems cohesive character-wise, but I always thought killing his parents felt a bit jarring and OOC at that point in his "insanity spiral." The first crime comes from outrage & hatred, while the latter is over the top cold logic- his explanation "it would be hypocritical to spare them" seems underwhelming to me.

2. Gojo having a bounty on his head throughout his whole childhood. He might have infinity but on a practical level, loved ones are vulnerable to blackmail or hostage situations. Logically they are a weakness and the more you have, the weaker you are.

I think Gojo has so many things going on that contribute to his isolation and inability to connect- (obnoxious personality, immense power, trauma from Toji attack) that this crazy aspect of his life is brushed off. I feel like in any other character, the bounty would be seen as a major contributor to their psychology.

We see throughout the story that anytime Gojo loves or shows humanity towards another (Amanai, Suguru, Megumi (even Yuuji)) he is narratively punished for it.

Cheers!!

hello!

thank you for sharing your thoughts! i'll try my best to explain my own. my thoughts on gojo are especially jumbled since he's such a complicated character.

(1) gege has shown himself to be the type to of artist to ground his fiction in reality. i think the narrative overwhelmingly points to jujutsu sorcerers generally being perceived as "freaks" by non-sorcerers. miminana are extreme examples of this, whereas the old man geto beat up in the hidden inventory arc is a milder one.

"how would parents react if their child told them they could see/hear things they couldn't?" -> that's the question i imagine gege asked himself when he wrote this detail into jjk.

i think geto's abilities were a cause of concern for his parents, with the potential for it to have actually translated into fear. he does seem to have a special place in his heart for chosen families. i think that suggests a difficult home life. we can only speculate how bad it was though. enough for him to go through with him killing his parents nonchalantly, as far as we know. abuse wouldn't be a wildly off-base assumption.

(2) i think gojo's character is definitely marked by his station in society. the good and the bad that come with it. people really don't tend to talk about the bounty on his head, bc it's such an "oh, by the way" fact that gege fits into the story. gege probably mulled over it though (he's a serious overthinker). so i don't think it's something ppl should dismiss when thinking about gojo's psychology. some of his self-imposed isolation can be traced back to instances like it.

as an older kid and a tween, especially. i would guess gojo was probably asking himself stuff like who can he trust in this world? who can he open up to? when the world is out to kill him. the bounty on his head also probably accustomed him to solve problems with power/violence.

i think this mindset was disrupted by geto in high school, though. gojo grows to be quite generous with his trust after him. he has a lot of faith in others as an adult. so i think geto, on top of everything, inadvertently helped gojo heal and process some of his pain from childhood.

i say this bc the disconnect gojo seems to refer to in ch 236, seems different. more a result of the higher state of mind he acquires. he basically tells geto in the afterlife that it isn't rooted in loneliness, after all. which i also take to mean, not necessarily in childhood trauma by that point. but a sense that no one can possibly understand what it means to be strong— and still be powerless.

that's why i believe gojo wasn't being punished for his humanity so much as being taught a lesson on how power can only take him so far— time and time again.

this whole lesson sets up the world to be able to move on without him. life doesn't ultimately hinge on one person and i think gojo knows this to be true, which is why he's always so.. relaxed when he's taken out of the equation. while everyone else scrambles to put him back in. (funnily enough, even fans do this). 

ppl look at him and think he's above them. when inevitably, he'll die, just as all beings do. which i think is what the following sequence was about, too. and what gojo mostly meant when he said "he alone is the honored one [to come to knows this]"(in contrast to when gege used it for sukuna(x) who goes on to distinguish himself from gojo in the way he only pleases/satisfies himself). the saying has several connotations (x).

hope that makes sense!

[merakiui]

OHHHHHMYGOD. I loved ur clingy codependent bf azul so much. I literally felt a bit of anxiety reading it, I love azul sm hes baba, but the thought of him being this obsessed ans codependent is so nerve-wracking. you really wouldn't be able to leave him alone once he starts exhibiting signs of mental health issues.. and if this is an au where he has his canon octo form, then hes def the type to cut a tentacle or two of his just to "prove" how serious he is, knowing it will grow back eventually anyway so why not make the most out of it and scare the hell out of darling 😭

UGH AND THE WEDDING TRAPPING. and the fact it only spirals downwards from there. the door and knife scene literally made me pause bc omg.. I was not expecting it to escalate like that.. but it fits SO well!! and darlings realization throughout the drabble is honestly so upsetting because acknowledging that most of their attempts will be futile is so frustrating and hope-killing when they have a slimy and pathetic octo clinging to them 😭😭 and especially now considering how close they and azul are, legality wise. REALLY, I don't know what's so different about this compared to your azul drabbles, but it really had me pacing a little im ngl. maybe it's the fact hes way more blatantly insane and blunt with his obsession or that he's willing to go to more extreme measures? whatever it is, you nailed it and I absolutely loved it!!

and this on a different, more minor note, but are you the same author that wrote the ex scara stuff? reading the azul drabble took me back to this other codependent, obsessed bf drabble i read a few months back. it wad about darling and scara being high school sweethearts, but scara becomes more unstable throughout the relationship, so darling eventually breaks it off with him before going to college. only for ex bf scara to show up, feign innocence and squish himself into darlings friend group as a way to get close to them again, and it ends with scara also wedding trapping them. if u did not write that, I am so sorry 😭 the azul piece just kinda reminded me of it but theyre two separate things and I love each one sm!! srsly, your writing is so addicting I don't understand how you do it. and you pace things so well, like despite the azul piece not being a fully fledged fic, it still has nice pacing. it's not too short or too lengthy, and not too fast or too slow, it keeps you alert and eager to continue!!

AAAAA THANK YOU FOR READING IT!!!! I’m happy you liked it and that you could even feel anxiety from it!! :O I was hoping it could evoke uncomfortable feelings like that, so I’m relieved to know I could succeed in that endeavor!

An Azul who is so dangerously unhealthy and obsessed is always a scary thought. I wanted to write something where it starts seemingly innocent and then becomes something so uncontrollable, much like how most toxic relationships often begin. It’s small and almost cute until it isn’t—until you’re snuffed from the stifling nature of someone’s codependent behaviors. It can be stressful, so I wanted to portray that on both sides. Stressful for Azul because his tendency to panic and overthink when he’s spiraling makes anything like a day out with friends seem like a very stressful thing. Stressful for Reader because they’ve taken on the role of protecting Azul from himself (even though it isn’t a role for them to take on).

Reader probably likens Azul to a glass vase sitting on the edge of a cliff and one strong gust of wind is all it takes for that vase to come crashing down. But then Azul is also highly intelligent and he only takes risks if he knows there will be a reward, so he can peer over the edge of the cliff and he won’t fall. So if he does cut a tentacle or two to prove something to Reader (or scare the life out of them and force them to stay), he does it while fully knowing it’ll grow back. It still hurts, but then Azul thinks this pain is nothing compared to the pain he’ll feel if you leave him forever. “Leave” and “abandon” are so interchangeable for him. They’re somewhat similar words, but “abandon” sounds harsher. You can leave a person and all is well. You can abandon a person and that makes it sound wrong. Hurtful and villainous. It’s such a small thing, but it hooks you every time. Because leaving Azul makes it sound easy. But abandoning him paints you as the bad one—the one who abandoned him in his time of need.

And marriage trapping!!! He’s really so cunning, but Reader’s too busy trying to balance his breakdowns and keep him above the water to realize that beneath all of that he’s actually quite smart. In a marriage, it’s just you and Azul. No one else can truly interfere with that. And for Azul it’s easier to isolate you. You agreed to be his now. You agreed to live with and love him for the rest of your life. You said your vows. You kissed him in front of family and friends. You are a pair now, and that’s unbreakable. Not even divorce can save you because that’s an expensive and lengthy process and even if you did separate in that way you’d still be forced to fret over him and what he might do next. And that’s really scary! The idea of “okay, he’s done this terrible thing…but what’s next?” is always so chilling. What else is this person capable of? is a frightening question to ask when you don’t have an answer. When there isn’t a line to make a clear divide between the crossable and uncrossable or when that line is blurred, it makes it seem like anything is on the table. And since Azul is so codependent, there are always worrying mindsets like: If you aren’t in my world, I shouldn’t be here either. If I can’t have you, no one can. If I lose you, I lose a vital part of myself. My life hinges on you being here with me, so if you’re not in my life there isn’t a life to live. Without you, everything is worthless and meaningless.

Thank you again for liking this piece!! I’m glad it felt different from other Azul thoughts I’ve written. It’s most likely as you’ve said: he’s much more insane and willing to go to extreme lengths for the sake of his obsession. >_< this type of Azul is truly horrifying, but he’s very interesting to write and analyze like this.

And I did write the possessive ex Scara story!!! :D omg for a moment I forgot I had written it until you reminded me! I’m happy you like this one as well. Scara 🤝 Azul: codependent boyfriends who raise your stress meter just by existing. ^^;;;

Aaaaa thank you for thinking my writing is addicting and well-paced!! I’m glad it didn’t feel too slow or too fast as well as too long or too short!! I’m happy it can be an enjoyable, albeit anxiety-inducing, read!!!!

[bluegekk0]

Honestly, I love your style, And I enjoy the way you design the characters we rarely see with the cloak off, like grimm or the pale king. But obviously, No artist is without his flaws, and I presume you do not view yourself to be without any. For starters, While the whole "Pale king is an innocent gubblemuncher" thing is cute, depending on how it's handled, It gets stale, fast. (especially considering purely how non-gubblemuncher PK is in the lore, but whatever, we can just ignore that-) Then, I have a bit of a nit to pick at with the way the "Feral PK au" was handled. Once again, similar issue to as I listed prior, PK being innocent and chill is cute, but it gets old fast, especially when the au is based around this characterization of the pale king. (Also, I didn't like PK and WL breaking up despite WL seeming to still care about him in the game, Unless there was some insane sit-com tier argument they had after PK reincarnated that I was never told about, But ig we needed a reason to ship grimm and pk, since, as most are aware, WL hates grimm's guts, so I doubt she would be ok with sharing, so it makes sense.) And finally, I don't like the missed potential of the "feral PK au". When I first heard of that au idea, I imagined a tragic story where PK comes back, But is almost a wild animal and WL ends up caging him bc she's too attached to let him go.... Instead, It's basically an artifact title, one that only applies to the act 1, maybe even just act 0.5, Possibly act 0.25 depending on how it worked. So, I think a more accurate title would be "palegrimm crack au" /j

(Note that "Gubblemuncher" is not an expression I meant to offend, It's 11:55 AM and I needed to make up something to describe a gremlin who is adorable in their own way.)

okay so uhh. i wanted to keep this short but i have a lot of things to say, though i'll get to the point right away. i don't appreciate those kinds of comments, i'm sorry

don't get me wrong, you have every right to dislike aspects of my au. there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. i'm aware that some of my takes are perhaps a little out there. i know many of them stray far away from canon. however, i never claimed that i wanted it to stick to canon, quite the opposite in fact

this au, the whole story, is something i do for myself. it's a little comfort space for me, that i decided to share with friends and other people because they showed interest and wanted to me to talk about it. i did not make it with the intention of creating a coherent narrative, or writing something sophisticated that would have a good plot. i'm not good at those things, i won't pretend otherwise. all this is, is just a silly self-indulgent au that means so, so much to me

and so i understand if some people don't vibe with it. that's perfectly fine, it's not for everyone. what i'm not fine with is people telling me how they think i should write the characters or where they think i should take the story, treating it as if the au is meant to cater to them. that is not what you'll find here, i'm sorry. i find comments like "this is a missed potential" to be a bit rude and quite discouraging, especially since i've never done anything like this and so i'm very insecure about it

some parts of this ask come off as a bit passive-aggressive to me, but that could very well be me overthinking. and because i don't like assuming the worst in people, i want to clear some misconceptions i saw here instead

first of all, the au is not built around the idea that pk is innocent. i've stated before that i don't agree with that notion, he has done terrible things and that should not be ignored. the difference here is that i try to make him more nuanced, and i've personally always loved the theme of well-meaning people committing horrible actions in the name of good. that is where i'm going with my interpretation. he tries to do well, he is very emotional and anxious, he wants to make others happy and be loved. and yet he's still responsible for the deaths of so, so many beings that did not deserve that fate. that is not something i want to ignore, it's something that haunts him constantly, and is a huge part of his character, his struggles and his arc in the au

the reason why you rarely see that portrayed in my art is because, like i said, this is something i do for myself. while i enjoy thinking about more emotional aspects of it, i also want to find happiness and comfort in it, and so i prioritize wholesome art, as that is what i find the most comforting. perhaps it is my fault that i'm not clear enough about this, and if so, i'll try to do better

i will be more short and to the point with the next part, as i've answered many asks about this topic in the past. but no, fpk and wl did not separate because of grimm. they did not separate because of a "sitcom tier argument" either. it was a result of their vastly different approaches to dealing with their guilt and shame (among other things about their relationship), and they divorced while still on good terms. this would've happened in the au even without grimm in the picture, so no, i did not just get rid of wl to make space for the ship i like. that was never my intention, even if pale nightmare is my preferred ship

lastly, about the name of the au, i mentioned before that it wasn't a conscious decision to name it that, people simply started calling him "feral pk" and i decided to keep it. for convenience, and because i thought it had a nice ring to it. that being said, it's still accurate to his character in the au. he doesn't simply "drop the feral act" once he reunites with his family, his instincts are a part of him now. throughout the whole story of the au, he is by all accounts "feral". if you had different expectations for this, then i'm afraid that is on you. you are free to explore the idea you had yourself, it sounds interesting. but it's not something i wanted to do

like i said. i don't want to assume that your intentions were to be rude. but i wanted to respond anyway to clear possible misunderstandings, and emphasize that i don't like seeing comments like this. still, i hope you have a good day anon. if you did not mean for me to interpret it like this, then know that i don't hold it against you. we're all here to enjoy ourselves, but some boundaries need to be made, and this is where i set mine. i hope you understand

[aeide-thea]

overthinking things as per uʒ but:

[a transcript is under the cut, for anyone who prefers that format. <3]

aeide-thea sent a post "love sports love when people write about them in a normal fashion"

aeide-thea: lol i AM insane but the more i contemplate this post the more it irritates me actually

elucubrare: what aspect of it?

aeide-thea: like i have no particular stance on the success of this lyricism but as a general position i feel like. yes actually anything can come under the besotted lens of a prose stylist and get elevated thereby. cowardly and boring to laugh at writers not being 'normal' when in fact the elevation of the everyday into the ecstatic is one of the highest and best uses of language. like YES defamiliarize that shit. YES hallow it.

elucubrare: yeah ok, i'm with you!

elucubrare: i also have a half-articulated thought about Not Liking Sports and dismissing them as a tribal marker on the internet & so this description of a player like someone on tumblr would talk about idk. a supernatural man feels like it's unpleasantly transgressive

aeide-thea: yes i think you're onto something! like there's definitely a way in which a certain kind of (maybe especially modern, maybe especially on tumblr) writer feels like there's Their People and then there's Sports People and never the twain shall meet, and like, it's not that i don't recognize the incongruity myself but i also think the joke IS fundamentally based on the idea that anyone who loves a sport is a dumb redneck which like. IS instinctively how i feel about football but there are enough sports i do love that i can check that impulse in myself and recognize my own arbitrary bias

aeide-thea: like admittedly i haven't *read* eg roger angell's baseball writing but i feel like there used to be more room for the idea that an american writer could write about an american pastime (which like. problems of their own there but.) without it being like. writing is for nerds and sports are for jocks!! no—i'm tempted to say 'miscegenation' but i think that's probably an offensively reductive metaphor. however i do sort of feel like it's on the same spectrum of tribalism however far apart??

elucubrare: yeah i agree!

elucubrare: i think when i think about mid-century sports writing that i've been aware of, it's less overtly lyrical or flowery than this, but it *does* take its subject seriously or metaphorically the way this does

aeide-thea: no exactly. and like. idk if you've read that famous DFW piece on federer but like. would be very curious to see if OP would make fun of that the same way or if the fact that it like. has lit cred would stop them

aeide-thea: like dgmw i know i've done a lot of objecting lately to like. people pointing out Amusing Incongruities (see also: 'blorbo' in the NYT) and i know i sound like a humorless idiot but the thing is, it's not that i don't get where these posts are coming from! i just think the fundamental 'humor' of them is predicated on false dichotomies

elucubrare: yeah for sure!

elucubrare: i think here i think the snippet *is* a bit much but i would think that no matter what the subject was

aeide-thea: oh i super don't disagree!! but i also think like. it's tricky to evaluate the success of a snippet stripped of all buildup and ALSO i don't actually think the post was taking issue with the craftsmanship (where i'd probably have agreed with them/you!), but rather just laughing at the fundamental *attitude* regardless of execution?

elucubrare: yeah, i agree!

elucubrare: i think also this is a place where ur crusade against "normal about" comes into play b/c it really does sneer generally but say nothing except "this is not how *i* would have approached this"

aeide-thea: god no exactly. like fundamentally ALL you're ever conveying with 'normal' is like. 'i don't have to actually explain or justify myself bc Everyone (Who Matters) Already Understands so really this is just a general sneer to amuse and bond us, the preexisting in-group'

aeide-thea: like. articulate! your! objections!!! you might find in the process of having to explain yourself that you don't actually agree with yourself! learning and personal growth might happen (god forbid)!

aeide-thea: (also unrelatedly how do u feel abt having portions of our sportswriting convo reproduced 4 public perusal. 'pls no' is totes ok, i can always make my own post if i care that much i'm just feeling lazy lol)

elucubrare: (Go for it!!)

[dracwife]

hii so like in ncis canon mcgee gets held hostage for like 6 months in south america right? and nobody knows where he or gibbs are? does that happen in your ncis verse and if so, how does mickey respond to his boyfriend being gone so long? (@ssozo)

yes i havent gotten to that part in the show but im very aware that it happens 😔 it def still happens and i think about it like. constantly. i dont know all the details since i try to avoid spoilers but. ill give a rundown of my ideas

fun fact this is how i came up with the idea of dina originally but now its just kind of a timeline mess and mickey just nondescript has dina whenever i feel like it. originally it was like "hi mickey is going fucking insane crazy alone" lets get him a dog so he isnt so lonely

so like. mickey definitely blames himself 100000% since yknow. those are like the two most important people to him. he goes absolutely nutso working constantly to try and find them. he like goes crazy overthinking everything doubting himself constantly and like cuts his hair washes the dye out and tries to act ""normal"" to work better but overall it just kinda brings him down even more. the rest of the team and a few others pitch in and get him a puppy in hopes it would distract him, and it works a bit by giving him something to care about but. he still has a lot of trouble getting back to that same level of confidence and idk just that spark he had yknow. he contemplates going back to the special tactics team to be more proactive rather than reactive to crimes and stuff but he cant get the motivation to ever put the transfer request in.

he is super protective though of like tims desk and stuff and he WILL bite if anyone tries to touch it or say anything about he or gibbs being gone. when they finally find them he goes crazy stupid doing everything he can to help and like one of the first things tim says is that he cant tell who had the worse time, him or mickey and its one of the first times mickey really smiles since hes been gone <|3 theres a moment of like clarity there for them both like "holy shit i didnt know how much you really did mean to me and nothing was the same without you all other things aside" and lowkey they get married like shortly after bc what else would you do when u realize someone rlly is the love of your life. plus also hey i think that season was the same year gay marriage got legalized the writers really said gay rights huh. they knew they did it for me

[kyaruun]

RAAAWR HUG! HUG! qiapyon loves being hugged :3 and squished (is a slime so squish!) hehe you are so nice and soft :>> not at all intimidating

YOU FELT LIKE A BIG BLOG just so very top tier writing. great graphic. whole package deal. there's only two possibilities that happen to follower count when you go ia:

it goes up, because people are finding you

it goes down, because people are not finding you and your followers think you are dead

THE RETURN OF NYA im so excited rawrrrrr tag me in everything

afadsfhsd me big blog... i guess i'm a big blog. i dont know why 1.1k people are still here for my shitposts

ajdslfsdf its only a few,,, a lot of my blogs are ia..... unfortunately.... and i mostly have focused on nazukisser though i literally cant stop writing for enstars its in my soul... i always strive for weekly for every fandom but darn thats really hard with the amount of shit i have going on

WAAAAAAAA i hope YOUR works get the true recognition it deserves (one day you'll write a leo fic that will become known as that leo fic (in a pos sense))

professional.... ate lis told me that i looked professional on my blogs,,, i just try. lots of trial and error and i always try to look fresh. have gone through so many phases its insane. one time i tried replicating an actual site design on tumblr while combining it w my style and it was so hard. stares at my (long gone) tori fs2 theme

RIGHT like the readers were nice, all of the people were so nice... now its too big like who is everyone... but also its kinda dead too like damn... 2023 is not anybody's year... i wish we could return to all being silly....

help me omg big blog. i mean being a writing blog the writing might as well get a pass but the graphics suck and i'm the first one to acknowledge that. i simply don't know what to do with them >< the one and only graphic i'm still head over heels for and is the reason i still haven't remade my theme is the cute cat soren did for me a looong time ago and is my current banner. it's. so. round. so cute. silly but sosososo adorable

i mean my followers have probably accepted i'm a sporadic writer and i don't really have a schedule. it hurts when you try to put out your stuff but it doesn't get attention but aaa this is the internet. there's no point in overthinking that. my one and only concern is that anons that rq something i answer a few months later manage to read their rq :(

JESUS CHRIST QIAN YOU HAVE 1.1K FOLLOWERS?!?!? big big biggest writer indeed. i just checked mine and it's 744 followers which is an insane number for someone who posts so little!! what you said about the leo fic... i can only hope. i personally think i suck at writing leo a lot. and rei. and natsume. my izumi is pretty much a mess too. see? if i love them i can't write them right. but uuuu i'd love to write a series. i've never tried that. i also considered something like a social media au bc that's usually really cute too. i don't think any of my works will ever reach that level of importance buuuuut. i'd love that

i've been working a bit on some sort of new theme for my super due revamp but i hate editing sooo much. whatever you say your themes always look super nice and cohesive <3 they're really nice to look at ;;

the fandom being big and dead (from a writing pov) is just as you said ;; i occasionally go into the tags to look for cute fanart but i don't see any writing and it's very sad. sorry to whoever might be offended by this but x readers actually carried the fandom before engstars. but we all either grew frustrated with the lack of interaction or found new interests

i simply miss that sense of community TT the nuri era... nuri feeding the entire fandom one post a day. bee coming up with the absolute prettiest things (like hello THEIR PROMPTS. i still haven't recovered from those). swanee dropping these insanely talented bombs and leaving us knocking on their askbox like "pls comeback when". soren's blog (which i actually visit from time to time bc there's a handful of fics that carry half of my mental sanity rn). runa ;;;;

see? i miss a lot of people ꒰⁎′̥̥̥ ⌑ ‵̥̥̥ ꒱ on those are only the ones that came first into mind because there are even more moots i miss... that comfy feeling of being able to jump into everyone's askbox and be silly... nostalgia hitting hard ;;; makes me think i should try to join a server(s) to try and interact with people again, even if it's just some talking from time to time

[icantfuckinbelievethis]

'bows' thank you, thank you. overthinking mcsm and making it edgy is my true passion

I always found the Admin Jesse AU's very interesting, the potentials it could take~~

But personaly for myself I HC the mcsm and its mechanics in way that is, well, "Lore" friendly to the minecraft we all know. I always loved how everything is playing out more like a hardcore SMP, with perma deaths and staying true to the gameplay mechanics a normal player would face.

Romeo never broke the staying true to the gameplay mechanic... *too* much... Im a simple man and can aknowledge when its time to bend the rules for a good story, so he can have 2 worlds slapped on top of each other with an insane asylum inbetween them, why not.

So, all in all I dont even like the existence of the device that much, its verging on the point of being a well placed plot device a bit heavy handed, but it exists and I have to deal with it. But I dont think Romeo knew of its existence, or the possibility of its existence when, uh, murking Fred. Simply because, well. If he knew, he wouldnt have perfectly placed himself in punching range when Jesse aquired the device to begin with. Logicaly he shouldve tried to avoid Jesse getting anywhere near him like hes in 2020 trying to shop at a grocery store. BUT not everything Romeo does is perfectly logical, so really its just speculations. Theres also how Fred made it in secret, only trusting Xara with it in case of his death. And if Fred did loose his powers before death, Xara wouldve said something I wholeheartly believe. If she saw an admins powers be taken she would be on an even harder revenge war, trying to figure out 'what' she saw. But she doesnt. So, for me I think its set in stone that Fred died in his admin form. Which in my head, proves that Romeos sure got something going on over the other 2.

(Going off on a thought, if Romeo did use a device to de-power Fred, that would means he beat him to death which just would make him even more deranged than before... love it

But for me, I always felt like Freds death was quick, reckless. Something that happened in the moment by someone that didnt even know he could 'kill' an admin. Shoving Xara away into the sunshine institute, trying to keep her there out of sight because seeing her again would just bring everything back up. Starting a new world in hopes of forgeting about the old one, letting all the old people that could ask questions rot in darkness.)

Oh and with the other world things. Im unsure about that myself. Its a fun idea to play around with. If the hallway is just a fancy serverlist interpretation, or if its like a gamehub warping zone. Im just sort of leaning towards the hallway and the worlds and everything going together bc Jesse and the gang can take all of their stuff inbetween these worlds. Its not a solid leg to stand on by any means, it just makes sense in my head. Like headcanons usualy do. And if they do all stick together in one server, and Romeo is the sole Admin, I believe the reason why the underneath got bedrocked is simply out of attachement to that world. Maybe it was the first generated world, canonicaly its pretty damn old, older than the Old Builders by a long shot. But it is slightly off the middle of the hallway, so maybe it was just the first world all the Admins build and lived in together.

Also the idea of Romeo sitting down to read Lukas' book to fangirl over Jesse is so damn funny to me.

Lots of possibilities and everyone sees the games and how the world works slightly different.

So cool seeing everyones opinions and thoughts in the fandom.

Romeo loosing his admin powers is so fucked on multiple levels

Clearly there are no other admins since no other admin popped in at one of the bedrocking to ask what the hell is going on. And neither Romeo nor Fred or Xara every mentioned more, it was always them.

Fred and Xara needing a magical plot device to de-mod Romeo while he could seemingly do it to both without trouble could hint towards him being the Headadmin, if not even the Server Owner.

So the MCSM world can now go into anarchy serve mode without any moderation available (as there are seemingly no server moderators)

Also since seemingly the entire map has been scouted already, no new chunks can be loaded, which means no new materials.

There will be a point in which recources will dry up in the center of the map, the less frequented chunks will be mined for all their worth. Griefers and Looters will become more and more, a few people might even go to the underneath to get new material. Or leave the world altogether for another world in the hallway. (Which may be successfull or not, depending if you see them as different servers. Or just different gamemodes innthe same server (Romeo did know about what Jesse did in them afterall))

Without an Admin no new world could ever be generated, while its a heavy heartbreaking thing, a new world generation is an essential to any big server that tries to stay away from anarchy getting out of hand.

From the moment Romeo lost his powers the fate and peace of the world has been left in the air, and all just because a certain redhead acted a bit fruity...

[jigenshat]

Ohohoho give me more give me more! I love these :D

fjdskf okay ! glad other ppl enjoy this i could genuinely think abt little details all day. this is probably a good way to keep track of all the ideas i have floating around too :) again lots of backstory ones in here bc we know close to nothing so its fun to theorise !

even though jigen doesn't have the long tracable lineage of the rest of the gang, his early life wasn't very typical

he grew up in a super financially unstable environment. the neighbourhood was likely very poor and had a lot of shady characters taking advantage of the people trying to make ends meet.

trying to keep his family afloat, jigen accidentally gets pulled into gang and later mafia activity. i will die on the hill of the hc of him being a line cook in a mafia money laudering operation with a restaurant front. a few incidents of seeing things he shouldn't have later, and he's running errands for them.

we've seen a little backstory showing he was taught to shoot as well as he does. its was never an arena he thought he'd end up in. he wasn't raised a gunslinger, he was made one. there's of course a natural talent there for sure, but the assassination jobs got big paycheques in so he worked hard to be the best and always get picked for these jobs.

his family, or what remained of it i haven't quite decided how they dwindled away so suddenly were not supportive of his endeavours. they didn't want this kind of dirty money and ened up refusing to take it and threatening to cut ties with him.

but he was in too deep and as much as he refused to admit to himself, he liked this way of living - the danger and uncertainty. its not typical but it was the most consistency he ever had (before lupin et al ofc)

and so he's been estranged from what little family he has since then.

he doesn't speak much about his past. deep down he knows he probably made a lot of bad choices but again he likes this way of life. he thinks if the gang knew to what extent he abandoned his family and friends back home, they wouldn't see him in the same light and look down upon him. whether they would or not, who knows, he just won't open up.

he didn't simply stumble across lupin. they were known to each other before and weren't particularly on the same page. lupin knew him as an A+ assassin and ex mobster but saw him as sleazy and without morals. of course this all changed after they met.

so essentially lupin only initiates new gang members who he had a bit of conflict with at first. at least he's consistent.

while he doesn't have a lot of self confidence, he's quite narcissistic sometimes thinking he'd be better suited to certain parts of jobs or thinking his skills could be put to better use elsewhere.

but he really doesn't want to end up a lone ranger again.

it wasn't good for him, sent him spiralling down a path of greater and greater violence with less regard for his own or others lives with each day.

so he stays and puts his all even in the most confusing plans the gang creates.

he has a seriously guilty conscience. jigen constantly overthinks that he has said or done something wrong. that bad things happen to the gang because of his actions. makes it hard for him to sleep and he's got into the habit of what others would consider quite heavy drinking to knock him out for bed.

he has a knack for engineering and mechanics. of course he will spend all day taking a part, cleaning, and fixing a gun but other things too. the car has broken down? jigen will fix it. electrical supplies need to be set up in a new hideout? jigen. load bearing structures need to be manoevered for a break in? jigen again.

he's very fussy again about the brand of cigarettes he smokes. this can be annoying because variety varies from place to place and the gang can be anywhere in the world. he always keeps an insane amount spare and as many on his person as possible.