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lieslab · 2 days ago

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Skipped through the five waves of grief

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Chan X gn reader

Summary: After being caught in the middle of your parents' messy marriage, Chan finds you after they announce their divorce.

Genre: Comfort/hurt

Word Count: 2.4K

Domestic abuse and depression resources

Trigger warning: Domestic abuse, mentions of anger and yelling, depression, and emotional defeat

A/N: I'm on a roll with requests. This request is also from a while ago and requestee, I made the ending silly and fluffy. Sometimes Chan gives me cuteness aggression, so in order to ease the hurt about this topic, it ends playfully. This topic is a lot emotionally speaking, so I hope this eases a bit of your burden <3

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Parents were supposed to love each other. They were supposed to be the light of each other's lives. Tender touches and sensual kisses. Healthy communication and cemented boundaries for one another. Marriage was supposed to be a joyous celebration. It was supposed to be something that would last forever, but the rings on your parents’ ring fingers began to rust.

You didn’t know when it first happened. So many days had been spent arguing and bickering. Kisses were withheld from one another and words were thrown. The walls used to be nurtured with sweet murmurs and ‘I love you’s.’ They turned into rot.

Golden rings rusted and turned their skin green and blue. They cut off blood circulation to their hearts and morphed them into something indescribable. The same reasons that they fell in love, it was the same reason why that love crumbled apart years later.

The compliments from your mom turned into your father’s annoyance. Your father’s independence swallowed him whole and pig-headedness led him to push your mother away. Simple conversations began to get louder as anger burst out of each of their lungs.

And you? You were innocent in this entire thing. Your existence was proof that they loved each other, but that was a long time ago. Every year that you grew older, it was another year that their connected flame began to shrink. Smaller and smaller until it snuffed out all together.

It was easier to use you. The two of them managed to avoid one another like crazy, but you became the scapegoat. A ping pong ball that was forced to hit the board between both of them. Over and over and over and over again.

“Mom said-”

“Dad wants you to-”

“Mom wants to know if you-”

“Dad wanted me to ask you-”

It always led to you feeling awful. You were no longer their kid, but rather a pigeon that was forced to carry their notes back and forth. Your back ached from the emotional toil and your brain suffered from their attitudes, but they didn’t see that.

When a wave of anger was shoved towards you because you were the messenger, you forced yourself to take it. Day in and day out, you were just a cog in their toxic wheel of romance. The romance died, but their bitterness towards each other didn’t. So you bowed and you leaped. You took each cue with hesitation and a held breath. As time went on, your house turned into a battlefield with yourself as the victim.

Too focused on fighting one another, neither parent understood the holes that they were drilling into your heart. They didn’t understand the ache in your bones and the curdled marrow. Even after you moved out, you still felt the effects of their disintegrating marriage.

Text messages blew up your phone from both parties. Fingers pointed and both of them blamed the other for things falling apart. Despite you not being home, they still asked you to check in with the other for one reason or the next.

No matter how miserable it made you, you complied. You didn’t want something to happen and cause the two of them to do something indescribable. Their violence came out in curses and shrieks. Flinging arms, bulging veins, and red faces. If that anger built and snapped, you weren’t sure if it’d ever truly get physical, but that thought worried you.

You moved out months ago. When Chan suggested that the two of you grab a place, you agreed in a heartbeat. It provided some comfort away from your parents and for once, you felt like you could finally breathe. Neither of their hands were wrapped around your lungs and squeezing to leave you breathless.

So the two of you went apartment shopping. You picked out furniture and paint colors. Fortunately for the two of you, the landlord was a sweeter older lady. She didn’t mind what you did with the place, as long as you had her permission before you began a project, she was pretty relaxed about most things that other landlords hated.

You slathered your shared room with a brighter version of your favorite color. At least, by using that shade, it’d keep you rather upbeat. It was better than the last room that you had. Plus, the room was bigger, so you had more space to play with and freely added more and more objects.

You and Chan had been living at the place for nearly a year. You had your job and he had his. The two of you grew accustomed to one another’s schedules. You went grocery shopping together every week and took turns divvying up the chores. Besides the shitshow from your parents, life was treating you fairly well.

When you came home from work, you kicked off your dirty shoes, left them by the door, and headed into the kitchen. You were on duty to make dinner and you already knew what you were making. For the past two days, you had been planning to make this special dish tonight.

Two days ago, your parents got into a huge fight. You didn’t know what happened until your mother informed you the next day. The verbal altercation was so loud that someone alerted the cops. When the cops broke it up, it was so bad that both of your parents had to be separated and calmed down.

Your heart ached at the news. You felt awful because you didn’t know and couldn’t stop it. Guilt weighed upon your heart heavily. Maybe if you could have been there, you could have stopped it from happening.

You carried the guilt and burden from things that you didn’t have to. It was one of those things that you couldn’t help. You grew up with your parents being dependent on you during their heated moments and when you weren’t there to stop it from escalating, it made you feel like shit deep down.

You knew that it wasn’t really your fault. You weren’t responsible for their reactions, but it still felt like you were. If one of them would have alerted you, you would have dropped everything and rushed over. Anything to get them away from potentially hurting each other.

Picking out the best knife, you took your time cutting the vegetables. You washed them and one-by-one, you placed them on the chopping board and began to dice and slice. Mince the garlic, ignore the sharp scent on your hands, and continue on to the next step.

Chan would be home from work soon and the past few days, the two of you had been consuming frozen prepackaged food and ramen. Time had been relatively short for both of you and it was something quick and easy. Chan had been discussing wanting a homemade meal and you were thrilled to provide one for him.

You continued to follow through the steps, but you stopped when your phone vibrated. Worried that Chan had to stay over at the studio, you washed your hands and pulled out your phone. You were expecting Chan, but when you pulled up the message, it was from your mother instead.

“Your father and I are getting a divorce.”

You read the words over and over and over again, trying to make sure you read them right. In the past, when anyone mentioned your parents divorcing, they each scoffed at the idea, stating that it took too much effort.

For months, you had been praying for this moment, but now that you were here, you felt defeated. Your heart weighed heavily in your chest. Instead of responding right away, you left your mother on read, and you tossed the phone onto the nearby counter.

Days and days of emotional torment finally broke the camel’s back. Your hands shook and tears collected in your eyes. Your legs wobbled and you desperately reached out to grab the kitchen counter. There wasn’t time to catch your weight before your legs slipped from beneath you.

You hit the ground with a gasp. For so long, you felt so burdened by the scenario. Throwing knives struck your heart and they had been embedded there for so long. This information was like jerking them out all at once.

How many times had you been involved in fights along with them? When a parent got too mad and the pendulum of anger swung towards you. You had kept it inside for so long. You were still just their kid, but your parents weren’t there to comfort the unsealed hurt that leaked out.

Twenty minutes later, Chan sang the latest chorus of the new song that he’d been working on. He sang beneath his breath and bobbed his head. With a clicking tongue and humming of the last few notes, he spun the silver key ring around his finger.

The two of you always kept the door locked no matter what. Even when the other was home, you still used your keys to get in. It was easier that way and you were anxious about strangers. Chan thought it was a bit silly, but he went along with it to make you feel better.

He headed inside and kicked off his shoes. He pulled off his bag’s side strap and placed it on the couch. His laptop, hoodie, and an empty bottle sat inside. His tongue clicked again and he bobbed his head while walking into the kitchen.

He spotted the half sliced carrot and the minced garlic. A few plastic bottles full of spices sat off to the side. Pork belly had been pulled from the fridge and a pan sat on the stove, but you were missing.

His head tilted and he spun around to go find you. Knowing you, you were probably in the bathroom or you got distracted and went back to the bedroom. The floor creaked beneath his feet and he walked past the open bathroom door.

The bedroom door was also open and when he stuck his head in, you were gone. Your unspoken name sat on the tip of his tongue, but it never rolled off. His head jerked backwards, wondering if he missed you somewhere, but with another look around the apartment, he couldn’t find you.

“Where’d you go?” He mumbled beneath his breath. He headed back to the kitchen with a hand rubbing the side of his neck. It wasn’t like you to come up missing randomly.

He walked further into the kitchen, up to the spices to see if you left a note. It was only then that he saw the hunched up figure off to the side. He frowned and headed towards you. “Whattcha doin’ down there?”

His thick Australian accent usually made you laugh, but it never came. Sometimes he exaggerated his accent to make you laugh and this was one of those times. However, your usual smile didn’t appear. You were curled against the corner of wooden cabinets with your knees to your chest.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He frowned and crouched down beside you. “Did you hurt yourself while cutting the vegetables?”

Your eyes were red and so were the tops of your cheeks. Your head weakly shook and the worry in his heart grew. “Then what happened? Why are you down here?”

“My parents are getting a divorce.”

He blinked and let the words sink in. He didn’t really know anything about your parents. A breath was sucked in through clenched teeth. “I’m really sorry about that.”

Your head shook. “Don’t be. I’ve been wanting them to get divorced for a while, but I just-” You leaned down and let your chin rest on the top of your knees. “I don’t know. I’m relieved and I feel miserable about it all at once. A lot of the time, they used me to communicate with one another. I’m happy, but I’m empty and I also feel hurt.”

“I fought a lot with my dad and I don’t know how to put it all together. There’s a hundred feelings all at once. I’m so happy it happened, but I just…”

“Wish it happened earlier, so you didn’t have to be involved so much?”

You finally nodded and swallowed. “Yeah, I guess that’s it. My mom texted me a while ago and I needed a moment to let it sink in.”

“So you picked the dirty kitchen floor?” He teased you slightly.

“I just cleaned this floor last night.”

“And it’s such a shame that I might have spilled milk on it late last night.”

Your head went back up. “You didn’t clean it up? What’s wrong with you?”

He laughed and pulled away. “I’m just kidding! Of course, I cleaned it up. It would have smelled nasty if it sat and curdled.” He stood up and stretched his hands out towards you.

“I think this calls for a celebration of sorts. It looks like you were in the middle of making something, so I’m going to help you. Let’s do something to take your mind off it.”

You reached up and he tugged you up with ease. The moment you were back on your feet, he yanked you towards him. You squeaked as he wrapped you in a tight hug.

His forehead found the side of your neck. You tried to squirm away, but he held you tighter. Warm lips softly pressed against your skin. You cried his name and tried to lean back again, but he didn’t let go.

“Stop trying to escape my love.” His breath was warm on your skin. He planted another soft kiss against your pulse point. “Just let me love my baby.”

Your head leaned back with a loud whine. “You’re giving me your cooties and it tickles. How am I supposed to tolerate it? I can’t help that I’m ticklish!”

He giggled and kissed the side of your neck once more before he gave up. His arms remained around your waist and he let his head nuzzle against you. “You know, one day I might marry you.”

“Oh brother.”

“What do you mean?” He pulled his head back in mock offense. “We’re going to have the best marriage of all time. Maybe we might even end up with kids.”

“Too fast and too soon bucko.”

“Bucko?”

“Bucko.”

His parted lips began to turn into a smirk. When you saw the glint in his eyes, you quickly jerked backwards. “Now wait a-”

“Come ‘er.”

You spun around and took off. He chased after you with his hands out. His fingers wiggled, a silent threat to tickle you. You shrieked and rushed out of the kitchen. He giggled as he hurried after you.

Your parents’ marriage might have ended in divorce and heartbreak, but with Chan, you were certain your marriage would be eternal.

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

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luminique · 2 days ago

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Fate, Hollows, Grief and Lighter.

cw // mentions of death, angst, comfort. 4.8k words, not proofread, lighter x gn reader. happy birthday lighter !

You don’t have to be an expert to understand that hollows are confusing. There’s a lot of mystery that goes around them despite the amount of resources that is put into its research. Everyday, it’s some new discovery, some new technology, some new treatment related to them. You told Burnice to switch through the other channels on the mini television at the bar, you didn’t get much of the newer shows in the Outer Ring but you did get the boring news channel.

“Joining us for today’s program is Miss Hoshimi Miyabi from the Hollow Special Operations Section 6. I believe that she needs little to no introduction as your team has been making the rounds online with the most recent case,” a man wearing a black suit, presumably the host, guided the camera over to the thiren next to him with his hand. You’ve seen her before, the proxies that the Sons of Calydon have worked with also mentioned Section 6 as one of their clients. Not everyone can just step into a hollow, even the proxies themselves don’t go in there willingly.

After a moment of silence between the host and Hoshimi Miyabi, the man finally breaks the ice. “Well, we are not here to discuss the controversy; however, there has been a recent discovery regarding the hollows. According to the White Star Institute, your team was able to control Hollow Zero and noticed how time was affected in there. Can you please elaborate on that?” The host was clearly uncomfortable by her quiet demeanor, thinking he’d be interviewing someone who was not as unapproachable as her.

Time, huh? That’s nothing new, even the Tour de Inferno had improved its recording equipment in order to reduce the delay between the inside and outside of the hollow. “Yes, due to its high ether energy, Hollow Zero has the ability to manipulate time, causing us to fight ethereals we had initially already taken down.” The fox thiren finally spoke, her voice was clear and confident, fitting for a chief. The host beamed at her answer, you could see the worry in his eyes when she took a moment to respond to him. “Were there any other anomalies aside from that? The claim coming from the White Star Institute is rather large and I believe that viewers at home would love to hear your experience.”

Lighter notices you staring at the screen intently, it was a rare sight for you to be so engrossed in such a show. He taps the counter a couple of times as he sat on the stool next to you, Burnice immediately understood what that gesture meant. His hand came up to your side, resting it on your hip. “Didn’t know you were into this kind of thing,” his smooth voice cut through your train of thought. You barely even noticed him, finally back from a few small fights but barely even a scratch on his face.

“They’re talking about hollows, those proxy friends of yours should know more about it than this old man on the screen.” you pointed the remote at the screen, not changing the channel though. “My deputy chief, Tsukishiro, found herself reliving a moment from her past relating to another member of my team. Asaba said that he was beginning to see the same ethereal over and over again. For me, on the other hand….” a moment of silence from the young lady as her hands gripped on her neat skirt. “I was able to see other possibilities of my past decisions and how they’d affect my current self.” Her usual commanding voice began to sound slightly weak and shaky yet her expression never faltered.

It slowly clicked in your head. This new discovery was not the simple time manipulation that had been publicly known for years, it was instead a lot more complex. A lot scarier, a lot more complicated and even went into the realm of alternate timelines. Was that even possible? Time travel and theories of alternate timelines have been one of humankind’s biggest questions. Would this not have been found out earlier while researching other hollows? Every smaller hollow around Eridu came from the existence of Hollow Zero, what made those any different?

You turn to look at Lighter, his usual laid back demeanor now mirrored yours. He hadn’t even touched his drink once since Miyabi had spoken. “Now look who’s the one staring at the TV,” you teased as you pushed on his shoulder lightly. His sunglasses slipped down his nose bridge, he cleared his throat as he pushed his shades up. “I just thought it was interesting, nothing more,” he pretended to not show how much that information meant to him.

If you could do it all over again, would you? The opportunity was presented right at him, albeit from a boring show on the TV. Rarely was it ever on this channel, as Burnice would normally choose to have it on some sort of sports or music channel. However, she’d listen to her customer in front of her and on this early evening, it was only you sitting there.

The thought was intriguing, he did have a higher ether aptitude than most. Venturing into hollows alone, with a carrot, wasn’t anything new to him, especially not after the passing of his fallen comrades. He doesn’t know exactly where they were last but he’d often bring flowers to where he found their dog tags, at least he knew they were there at one point. He knew that time worked differently inside the hollows, communication becoming an issue inside and outside of it, but he didn’t know anything more than that was capable.

No, no. He can’t just go into Hollow Zero and come out unscathed like it’s a normal fight. He could live his whole life not knowing what would’ve happened if he had chosen to go with them but the knowledge that he can, at least, see its possibility… that was eating at him. After you had teased him, the idea was still there. Who wouldn’t want to know what happened during that one moment in their life? Who wouldn’t want to know the answer to ‘what if’ and ‘if only’? He shook his head, trying to get rid of the curiosity building up in him.

Cold glass, the refreshing drink that he had gotten accustomed to since joining the Sons of Calydon now tasted bitter. No lollipop in his pocket to distract him from his thoughts. Another harsh swallow, he placed the glass back on the counter. “Do you want another glass? Maybe some Nitro-Fuel instead?” Burnice’s cheerful self was always ready to fill a glass up despite knowing that he doesn’t prefer the taste of Nitro-Fuel on its own. Now though, it sounded just perfect to make him forget this information.

Night time came, the howling winds kept Lighter awake. Usually he would have passed out already from the amount of Nitro-Fuel he drank but for some odd reason, he couldn’t now. It wasn’t odd at all, he knew why he was awake. Haunted by the memories of a not-so-distant past, the voices of his comrades rang in his ears as he got up from his bed. His bright red scarf that contrasted his usual outfit, was now stuffed deeply into his jacket. The soft clinging of the dog tags were now muffled by his scarf, his heavy footsteps making his way out to his bike. The only way to forget is to completely kill a man, erase his memories and the possibilities that he can come up with.

With his past as mercenary leader, getting to Hollow Zero wasn’t a mystery. Many have gone there in hopes of getting rich, finding some sort of ethereal matter, or maybe searching for whatever was left of the person they once were. Dodging a few military bases, back roads and, going through smaller hollows, Lighter found himself right at the edge of Hollow Zero. There were a few close calls on his way here, but nothing a Carrot can’t solve. The convenience of modern technology, able to find the safest route out and predict any new changes in the course of being in the Hollow. If only they could predict the possibility of his friends passing that day.

He parked his bike, brought the little bangboo off his bike and took a deep breath. “Lighter…” He heard the faint whispers of his name as he stepped into the pitch black sphere, the voices sounded oddly familiar to him. An older breathier male voice, a deeper younger male voice, and a reassuring female voice all coming together to call for his name. No, he can’t be hearing things. He was still young and had just entered the hollow. Signs of corruption did not include hallucinations, nor did it include any sort of hearing problems. He ventured deeper into the hollow, bangboo by his side to make sure he’d make his way out.

Ethereals came at him but they were no match, one after another. A swift punch before landing his finishing blows on them, he dusted off the little bits of burnt etheric matter off his shoulders. “Lighter! There you are!” He immediately prepared himself for another fight, quickly looking around for the source of that voice. No ethereal was in sight however, maybe it was paranoia striking him once more. He decided to take a break somewhere off to the side, taking a serum to reduce ether corruption. He closed his eyes, the rubble of the Fallen Eridu surrounding him as he was taken back to his days of a mercenary leader.

He remembers it like it was just yesterday. The smiles on their face, the laughter, the drinks, the bets, everything that your typical mercenary group does. They were his comrades, his friends, his family at the time. He was still new to leading a team, choosing to go for the higher paying jobs in the hollows rather than outside work. He’d come back with a few bruises here and there, getting patched up while trying to split up the money they received. The hands of Dane scruffing Lighter’s hair, or Nick reminding him to stop smoking, or Ratena drinking another pint of Nitro-Fuel with him. He could see and feel those memories so vividly…

“We’ll be heading out now, Boss.” Dane gave a hearty pat on Lighter’s shoulder, a firm goodbye grip to tell him to rest. Lighter chuckled as Dane finally let go,“It still sounds weird…” he added on, believing that such a title isn’t fit for him just yet. “Ratena, you got the med kit ready?” He asked the tomboy-looking female who was always prepared when it came to injuries. Even his now fractured arm was taken care of by her, proving her deep knowledge in the field of first aid. She nodded towards him with a small wave of her supplies in hand, “All ready, Lighter!” Nick gave a weary smile, one that was oddly energetic for a much older man than everyone else in the group.

“Take care, everyone. Remember what we’re going in there for, retrieve the item and receive our cash,” everyone looked towards their leader, Lighter giving them one last reminder before they headed off. All of their dog tags hung around their necks, reflecting the bright sunlight and Lighter’s own reflection. “Be back safely!” Dane’s little sister began waving goodbye as they watched the team head off straight into the hollow. Lighter knew of the dangers that they could face while in there, especially with the lack of a Carrot. Those don’t go for cheap however, good and reliable info about hollows aren’t easy to come by at low prices.

That final goodbye would serve to be his biggest regret in life. A wound that can never be healed no matter the amount of times he went back to the last place he found their tags. He had called out for them and yet no response, shouting into an endless void. What would’ve happened if he had followed them that day, not heeding their advice and sacrificing himself alongside them. Non-existent answers to a question that has ruined a young man of his own mental freedom.

Boss… Kiddo…. Lighter….

Was he going insane again? He opened his eyes, expecting to see nothing just like before but this time, he was outside of his old mercenary camp. A distant woof could be heard as an eager dog ran right up to him, pouncing onto him. ‘What? This… this isn’t right…’ Lighter thought to himself. Was this some sort of deja vu? A dream of some sort? The dog licks Lighter’s face, excitedly panting and sniffing him. This felt a little too real for him, running his hand through its soft fur.

“Lighter! We got another commission today. Gotta go into this hollow, grab this ‘mysterious item’ and they’re paying us big time,” Dane came up behind him and petted the dog, throwing a small ball to allow Lighter to get up. Lighter turned around, seeing the large man with his familiar beanie towering over him. He fell back, not believing what he was seeing. Was he dead? They do say that the brain replays the best moments of one’s life before death, but this seemed less like a memory and more like reality.

This was just the day before their deaths, was this his second chance? “I was able to see other possibilities of my past decisions and how they’d affect my current self,” the fox thiren’s experience now making sense as he looked up at his should-be-dead companion. “U-uh yeah. Dane, sorry but I don’t think we should accept this mission,” Lighter grabbed Dane’s hand, his fractured one still healing in its cast. Dane blinked at his teal-haired leader in confusion, not expecting him to decline such an offer. They walked back into the home, Ratena and Nick coming up to them with big smiles on their faces.

As Ratena tended to Lighter’s fractured arm, they all discussed their plan regarding the new mission. “They said it’s just a box, bring it back safely and then we’ll get paid,” Dane said with lots of enthusiasm, playing around with his little sister. Nick gave a hearty chuckle, petting the dog as he spoke, “It’s not easy, my boy. Look at what happened to Lighter the last time we went into a hollow.” Both men looked over to Lighter, seeing the effects of an ethereal attack and Nick being physically unfit to keep up with the rest of the group. Before Ratena could give her input, Lighter interjected with the knowledge of their future. “I really don’t think we should go. Hollows are dangerous and just like Nick said, ethereals are no joke.” Lighter hoped they would understand him without him needing to explain to them why they shouldn’t go.

Ratena shook her head, “Oh c’mon Lighter, you don’t trust us? We got out safely last time and we made big bucks.” Safely? Was having a fractured arm considered safe? Was bleeding out his side considered safe? “Guys, you can’t be serious.” Lighter was in disbelief, he remembered his initial response in his past. He had agreed wholeheartedly to the offer, thinking that such a huge sum of cash was what they all needed to live better lives. Now with his knowledge, he didn’t want to lose them. Not again, he didn’t want to make the same mistake twice.

“Yeah boss, we know how hard you’re working. You gotta rest up and we’re more than capable of taking down those ethereals.” Dane gave him a wolfish grin, clearly oblivious to why Lighter was so against all of this in the first place. “We’ll leave in the morning, be back by sunset.” Nick had the whole plan laid out on the table, trying his best to reassure their worried leader. Everyone went to their sleeping quarters that night but Lighter couldn’t sleep at all knowing what would happen to them. He laid awake in his cold bed that his body used to find solace in, but now reminded him of the hard shell of a coffin.

Sunlight came streaming through the windows, Lighter was the first to get up, the rest unknown to his lack of sleep. Everything replayed exactly as it did on that fateful day; Dane placing his hand on Lighter’s shoulder, Ratena waving her first aid kit in the air, Nick’s energetic smile that highlighted his wrinkles. He can’t relive this, he can’t let this happen. “W-wait!” They all turned back to him, stopping right in their tracks. Lighter had already told them to take care, what else was there to be said? ‘Don’t die’? ‘Don’t go’? ‘You’ll all die and I won’t be able to find you’? He had recurring nightmares of this exact moment multiple times before this and yet, the words were stuck in his throat. “I’ll miss all of you.” Lighter couldn’t stop them, even if he tried. Fate is cruel in that way, never is it a choice, unable to be changed. As he watched them leave again, tears began to prick his olive eyes. He closed his eyes, trying to blink away those tears but also look away from his regrettable decision.

The sandpaper-like wet and warm muscle went up Lighter’s cheek again. He blinked open his eyes, seeing the familiar sight of yesterday. Was this some sort of hell? A never-ending cycle of living his lifelong burden he carried with him. As expected, Dane’s voice could be heard once more, grabbing Lighter up from the ground and bringing him back into the camp. As expected, they had planned to take up the offer because money is money and they were mercenaries first and foremost.

He was determined this time. If he couldn’t stop them from going, at the very least he had to make sure to go with them. Ever since that day, he had been yearning for death. If Fate won’t change his friends’ passing, maybe it will be kind enough to change his. “I’ll go along,” Lighter’s confident voice cut through their chatter. “But boss, you’re being stretched thin.” “Your condition still isn’t fit for a mission in a hollow.” “Take it from an old man, you deserve the rest, son.” All of them gave their own concerns to Lighter’s suggestion–arguably, it sounded closer to an order rather than a suggestion–but he didn’t want to listen to them. He was adamant, also having his own power as their leader to push himself into this plan. He was willing to do anything, not caring about his injuries. With little to no luck, they accepted his persistence, each slowly heading off to bed to prepare for the early morning.

He had dreamt of this possibility for days, maybe even months. His body was definitely not in the best shape but if he could spend just a few more minutes with his comrades, his limbs could be torn off by an ethereal and he’d still smile through it all. It all played out exactly as his memories, this time he was joining them. As they walked together towards the hollow, Lighter began to feel dizzy. His vision slowly blurred, however his companions continued to walk forward.

“Dane! Nick! Ratena!” Lighter called out to them, yet they didn’t turn around, not even taking a moment to stop. “No, no, no no no no NO-” He tried running towards them but the distance just kept getting further and further. Running infinitely, trying to catch up to them but with his poor condition and slowly darkening eyesight, he couldn’t continue anymore. He came to a stop, looking down to his feet and seeing something shine in the dust. As he bent down, his eyes widened in surprise. It was their dog tags; Dane, Nick, and Ratenna, but there was one more with its name turned over. Lighter Lorenz. His name. How was that possible? His hand immediately went to his neck, searching for his tag that always hung around there. It wasn’t there. That was his dog tag, on the ground, with the rest of his mercenary companions.

He fell to his knees, understanding the possible outcome of this decision he could’ve made back then. Who would have found these if it weren’t him? Who would carry on their stories if he had gone along with them? What does that mean for his current present self? Questions bounced around in his head, holding those dog tags close to his chest. Tears began to trickle down his face once more, sadness being a common emotion at the end of all of these possibilities.

As he blinked away those tears, his surroundings had also changed. His bangboo would’ve notified him if he walked into a fissure so there was no way that he did. The setting sun of the Outer Ring burned his pupils, a scenery that he has become more than accustomed to since joining the Sons of Calydon. He hadn’t made any regretful decisions since joining, so there has got to be a reason that he’s experiencing this random day again.

He heard footsteps coming up behind him, followed by the sounds of feminine laughter. Despite being called the Sons of Calydon, it was a biker gang filled with mainly women. Currently, he is their champion, always winning and never turning down a challenge. They all stood side by side next to him, joking and teasing around with each other. “Caesar! Did you use my makeup again?” Lucy was trying her best to pull the tall green-grey haired woman down to her height. Piper barely kept her eyes open while Burnice was drinking another pint of Nitro-Fuel down as they all watched the sunset together.

“I can always buy you more makeup, Lucy.” Lighter offered, his used to be young voice was now a lot deeper. None of them replied to him though; Caesar and Lucy still argued with each other, Piper was trying her best to stand up straight, Burnice started playing her songs. Was he being intentionally ignored? He remembers this moment, him heading out to Lumina Square and there he met you. His life had fully turned around when he joined the Sons of Calydon, understanding what it meant to be a Champion. Not just theirs, but yours as well. He had people he wanted to protect, disasters he wanted to prevent.

Fate played its tricks on him once more. He had his ‘second chance’, choosing to die alongside his comrades and now he had to ‘live’ as a ghost. Lighter was slowly trying to figure out how Hollow Zero was affecting his memories and ‘fate’. None of this was real–he knew that at least–but he had to admit that it felt real. Would he be satisfied with death? Would he be satisfied with his story not having a proper ending? His movie could be hours long, but after 30 minutes, there would be an abrupt black screen.

‘The aim of all life is death. Only there can we find true peace.’

This wasn’t the peace that he wanted. He craved closure, real end credits to his tragic documentary. If the aim is death, then he’ll live until he’s tired of it. Until his face becomes sore from smiling with you, until his taste buds turn numb with the lingering after notes of Nitro-Fuel, until his eyesight becomes hazy from the bright lights of the city, until his ears start ringing because of everyone’s laughter.

He yearned for death, believing that regret was all he could carry in his heart. Love and companionship changes a person, losing it turns them into a monster. He knows how it feels to have survivor’s guilt, he now knows how it feels to have so much love left to give but ultimately ripped away from him. Care, love, remorse, regret, they all went hand in hand when it came to Lighter, he can’t have one without the other. Tough decisions, bad mistakes but they all ultimately led him to where he was now.

He felt the Outer Ring’s breeze brush his face, a soft and gentle reminder of his new home and his new family.

Lighter opened his eyes once more, a small LED screen with crying eyes were barely inches away from his face. His hand went up to give the little bangboo a pat on the head, making it immediately spring back to life. “Hey, little guy. You think you can get us out of here?” Lighter asked as he slowly pushed himself up, seeing a few ethereals around. The bangboo began running through the hollow, following its Carrot to find the nearest exit out of Hollow Zero.

A couple of punches before swiftly sliding away. His top priority was to get out safely, not to fight every ethereal in his path. This ever changing maze proved to be difficult to navigate, the poor bangboo constantly finding a new route. After winding through the ruins of Old Eridu, they finally made it out of Hollow Zero. Further away from where they initially entered, however nothing too far to walk to. The sun was beginning to rise now, painting the sky in light gold hues. As he drove back to Blazewood, he took in the early morning sights of the Outer Ring. After living in the shadows for so long, he remembers his first purchase since being saved by Big Daddy. He used a little bit of the money to purchase his first and only pair of sunglasses. In order to help him acclimatize to bright life above those fighting rings while helping him with his hemophobia and eye injury, he thought that the shades would be a good start to his new chapter. Everything was a change of pace, including these.

“Lighter! There you are!” He immediately froze up. Those were the same words he heard in the Hollow. Was he still in there? He got off his bike and turned around slowly, preparing himself to see nothing again. “Where were you? I was worried sick last night when I went over to your room and you didn’t respond.” Your concerned voice put him at ease as he looked at you. “Uh um… my bad. Just… wanted to go for a late night drive,” his voice was shaky, hoping you wouldn’t see through his lie. Your brows furrowed as you looked him up and down, he felt as though he should just die because of your intense gaze. “Without me?? Next time I go to Lumina Square, I am not buying you the super pack of lollipops,” you teased him. He let out the biggest sigh of relief, for once not worrying about whether he’d get his favorite grape-flavored lollipop.

He removed his glove off of his hand and brought it up the side of your face. Your soft skin under his calloused hands, this felt like his true reality. He could see the way you scrunched up your nose, your eyebrows raised as he began caressing your cheek. “I missed you,” he whispered out, just loud enough for you to hear. It was still early in the morning, not as many people out just yet so he could allow himself this vulnerability for just a moment. Especially after realizing the possibility of never seeing you again, never seeing the girls again, he doesn’t know if he’s ready to go just yet. “What are you saying? Did you hit your head on a cactus?” Your hand went up to his, cupping it against your face as you nuzzled into him. He couldn’t give this up, never in his wildest dreams could he imagine a decision better than what he made back then.

“I just thought I should tell you. I lo-“ just as he was about to finish his words, Piper comes up in Steeltusk, parking the truck right next to the both of you. “You youngsters are so energetic these days…” She commented as she filled up the truck with some fuel, chuckling to herself. Both of you turned a little red, Lighter especially. Everyone knew of your relationship and yet it was still a little embarrassing to be so outwardly in love with each other. Lighter cleared his throat, thinking that Piper was still the same as she was in his memories. The rest of the girls were probably still asleep but this was all he needed to confirm that he was indeed out of that damned hollow.

With your hand in his, he knew what was waiting for him at the end of his life. The Sons of Calydon that he sworn to always win for, his mercenary comrades that haunts him every night, the friends he had made through the Tour de Inferno, and his love that was willing to be with him through it all. Fate is unfair, humans do not have the power to change what has already been decided. However, being human means having the power to live your life to its fullest, accepting what fate has in store and learning from it. Lighter will carry his regrets and burdens with him, over into the afterlife and even when all he becomes is a humble cactus to poke you.

#lumiwrites ˚✧₊⁎☆#lighter zzz #lighter lorenz #zzz lighter #lighter zenless zone zero #zenless zone zero lighter #lighter angst #lighter comfort #lighter x reader #lighter x gn reader #zenlezz zone zero #zenless zone zero fics #my longest post to date #quite proud of this #but still believing that i could have done this better #happy birthday lighter #lighter x you #he deserves a big hug actually #sobbing crying i hope yall like this

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thoughtfulchaos773 · 3 days ago

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The Art of a Slowburn

Besides the commonality of Jon Bernthal playing a partner/brother, there's also the art of the slow burn happening in Twd and the Bear- and yes, I know, different writers can't quite compare. But the art of foreshadowing is always the same. If you didn't see the show spoilers ahead I'll provide a recap if you don't care to watch Twd.

Here's the gist of the show: Rick wakes up from a coma and finds his wife and son. He is fighting off the end of the world and zombies and reunites with his family along the way- his wife dies during childbirth, and literally 3 episodes later, amid Rick's grieving, Michonne arrives.

The matching! They're showing and hinting at the audience early on; these two are a great match.

More matching:

Was it the stares, I wondered? It's something richonners loved to analyze while the burn was slow. Particulary, Rick stares at Michonne like Carmy. They focus on this so you can get a feel of the main character's reaction to their love interest. For me, it's the preceding scenes that hinted at Richonne, and I'll compare them with Sydcarmy in a second:

But check out his flirting- there was much gaslighting on the ship. People said we were overthinking; they were just friends, and she was like a brother to Rick and a partner he lost in Shane. But Michonne fulfilled both for RIck- she was a partner and wife. Just as Sydney is a partner to Carmy.

Now let's talk about the dialogue and preceding scenes. In season 4, the prison is calm- domesticated. Rick is taking a break from the violence and is almost making peace with his wife's death. At this point, we don't know about Michonne's history, but Hershel- Rick's advisor- says this before Michonne arrives from being on the road.

(Things break, but they can still grow- a new plant, a new family tree. They hint at the Grimes 2.0 family after Lori's death. Right after Hershel says this- Michonne arrives.)

Plants? Family tree? Things growing you say?

Sydcarmy's preceding scenes hint at a ship:

Also, can I mention the tension? Here’s the thing: Rick treated Michonne differently than the rest of his found family. Just like Carmy. He listened to Michonne's advice early on—what Michonne wants goes. Sound familiar?

Even amid Michonne Challenging him as Sydney challenges Carmy- you can feel the closeness- the partnership and trust growing between them.

Jessie/ Claire, a blast from the past.

In TWD, Jessie represents Lori (Rick's dead wife) before Richonne happens. We got the Jessie storyline- a big session of major gaslighting here; some WD fans figured Jessie would replace Andrea, Rick's love/partner in the comics. But it didn't make any sense to us- they built all this tension and closeness between Rick and Michonne, and suddenly, Jessie happens?

Then they point to the signs visually- such as Jessie wearing a plaid shirt, the same style his wife Lori wore when he last saw her alive.

Lori's ghost:

Jessie & Claire, and nothing thereafter.

Rick doesn't sleep with Jessie, but after their kiss the night before, Jessie touches Rick's face, and he feels nothing for her- even after he stares at his wedding ring. When Richonne becomes Cannon in the very next episode, the first shot we see is Rick's wedding ring on the dresser- showing us he's past his grief and is in a new place to be with Michonne, his soulmate.

Comparing to Carmy and Claire. After he declares Claire his girlfriend they sleep together he feels nothing because dating her was all about getting past his grief with Mikey.

In this same episode, they do more proceeding scenes hinting at Richonne happening. When Deanna, the town leader, asks Michonne to look into what she wants after they get through the herd. They cut to scenes of Michonne caring for Carl- Rick's son.

But all this foreshadowing- I should get into the cinematography parallels that honored Lori's role and show Michonne fulfilling the matriarch of the family just as Sydney honors Mikey. But this is enough for now. Maybe a part 2 I got plenty more comparisons.

The same will happen with Carmy and Sydney- the show gives us clear obstacles that stop Sydney and Carmy from slowing down, taking a look, and realizing their feelings for each other. For carmy to get to that place, he has to get past his grief.

I think, if anything, if this is the last season and they don't end with a kiss, Storer is hinting at it. Like the bear, the pairing was planned from the beginning and you. Tell by the foreshadowing and if people really watched, they could see the signs.

One last thing, this was a comment once richonne became cannon and it's so similar to sydcarmy. Tells you all about how misdirection in slow burns work with most audience. When a ship becomes cannon some say wow! I didn't see that comingʻ where there's been hints from the start..when it's planned.

I saw their relationship develop in a platonic kind of way, and it was a complete surprise for me when they got together. Now, looking back, I'm so embarrassed because it was so obvious all along.

Be safe, and Happy Holidays, Folks!

#sydcarmy #twd #the bear

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queer-ragnelle · 3 days ago

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can you tell us more about gingalain? he seems intriguing but i don't know much about him

I sure can! Here are the texts that center his story.

Le Bel Inconnu (French)

Gilglois (French)

Wigalois: Knight of Fortune’s Wheel by Wirnt von Grafenberg (German)

Carduino (Italian)

Sir Libeaus Desconus (Middle English)

Vidvilt (Yiddish)

His name differs depending on the text (as shown with the titles) but in Le Bel Iconnu [The Fair Unknown] his baptismal name is revealed to be Guinglain; varied spellings of that name appear in other texts so, I'll adjust my spelling accordingly.

Anyway the gist of his origin [most of the time] is that Gawain meets and falls in love with a mysterious woman but has to leave her to return to his duties at King Arthur’s court, only to discover he can no longer return to his lady/wife who lives in an impenetrable Otherworldy bubble. Years go by and their child grows up. The child eventually leaves home in search of his father. He ends up at King Arthur’s court but remains anonymous, so Arthur dubs him “The Fair Unknown,” for he’s handsome and skilled at arms. He goes on adventures with ladies, fighting giants and dragons, eventually revealing to Gawain that he's his son by the fairy/Otherworld lady.

"Guinglain’s" coat of arms in French Le Bel Iconnu is a lion...

In German Wigalois it’s a golden wheel of fortune...

In Middle English Sir Libeaus Desconus it's a griffin...

But when you google the character by name, Guingalain or Gingalain, it's this shield which pops up:

Now it's a pretty badass shield, but where does it come from? It doesn't appear in The Manuscripts and Patronage of Jacques d’Armagnac, where Gawain and his brothers first got their coats of arms. Evidentially this image comes from Le Blason des Armoiries by Jérôme de Bara, published in 1604, from which many knights received their coats of arms including Sagramore, Kay, and Bedivere.

Gawain's son appears in the supporting cast of many other texts. He's called "Gyngolyn" at the end of The Wedding of Sir Gawain and Dame Ragnelle.

And "Gangalayne" shows up again in Le Morte d’Arthur alongside his father, Gawayne, half brothers, Florence and Louel, and uncles, Agrauayne, Gaherys, Mordred, and Gareth.

Sometimes he keeps the title "The Fair Unknown" even after his relation to Gawain is known, as in the 2nd Perceval Continuation.

Some texts develop him into a fully fledged character beyond his origins, such as in the Prose Tristan, where "Giglain" fights Tristan and then reports back to a grieving Isolde that Tristan still lives.

And in the Post-Vulgate, "Guinglain" guards a bridge and challenges any who try to pass, including Galahad, Arthur the Less, and Palamedes.

He also appears in some retellings.

The best example is Gillian Bradshaw's trilogy. He's called "Gwyn" and his parents are Gwalchmai and Elidan. Their romance covers book 1, Hawk of May, then Gwyn is discovered in book 2, Kingdom of Summer, and his paternity revealed to Gwalchmai on Elidan's deathbed in book 3, In Winter's Shadow. These books are fine, but so slow, and started the trend of replacing Lancelot with Bedwyr to keep it more "historical/Welsh," meanwhile Agravain is still a character and Medraut is a bastard of incest and all the Orkney bros are actually Irish. So what was the point of that? I'd rather Lancelot had been there, particularly because Gwyn's death occurs when Bedwyr comes to rescue Gwenhwyfar from her fate and Bedwyr kills him, unarmed, to get her. So it follows the French storyline anyway. I do adore how much everyone loves Gwyn. Afterwards, Cei is acting as lawyer to work out Bedwyr's story against Medraut's, and they have this exchange:

Gwyn was everybody's baby boy. Then Cei describes the extent of Gwalchmai's grief, including having the horse he gifted Gwyn slain and burning all his belongings.

Cei likens it to the grief felt at Agravain's passing. So this is good food for Gawain and family enjoyers, but as I said, not a huge fan of Bedwyr/Lancelot hybrid as Gwyn's murderer.

In Persia Woolley's third book, Guinevere The Legend in Autumn, introduces the character. But she's so unpleasant about her characters of color...

Yeahhhhh. Long story short, Ragnelle is a fey nomad that lives among the animals she herds. She was unable to be made "civilized" and left court, evidentially sending her son "Gingalin" to be fostered by Bertilack, then given to Gawain after his Green Knight quest. There's so much unnecessary emphasis on their skin-tone coupled with the way their culture's framed it's just. Ick. I hate it.

In Howard Pyle's fourth book The Story of the Grail and the Passing of Arthur, "Gingaline" is mentioned in the line up of knights who join Agravaine and Mordred in the ambush of Launcelot and Guinevere. Ironically, he isn't mentioned as Gawaine's son, but his half brothers, Florence and Lovel, are.

Since Ragnelle and Gromer Somer Joure are both present in Pyle's series, I'm going to assume "Gingaline" is Gawaine's son. I know it, in my heart.

Lastly, in The Green Knight (2021) movie, Gawain has an unnamed son who dies in battle. He's Guinglain. To me. If I squint.

So what do I recommend reading? Of the Medieval stuff, the French story Le Bel Iconnu is the origin, so it's a great place to start. The English Sir Libeaus Desconus is short and sweet, with a really great scene of his kinsmen, Gawain, Agravaine, and Ywain, plus friends Lancelot and Perceval, arming him. Yiddish Vidvilt is also fun, it resembles the German Wigalois the most, which is my favorite.

And that's everything I got. As you can see there's a lot of Gawain's son in Medieval stories and not very many in modern ones. I love him! Let's includes him in more stories, shall we? :^)

#arthuriana #arthurian legend #arthurian mythology #arthurian literature #welsh mythology #sir gawain #sir guinglain #sir gingalain #the fair unknown #wigalois #vidvilt #le bel iconnu #gilglois #sir libeaus desconus #quotes #ask #anonymous

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scoupsahoy · 2 days ago

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I WAS ALSO GOING TO POINT THESE TAGS OUT TO RESPOND TO THEM BECAUSE I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY

the thing is that they absolutely should not have forgiven her but god it breaks my heart. taako especially is experiencing this delayed grief that lucretia had to experience on her own for a dozen years!!! the second she gets her family back and they know what she's done, THEIR grief is just beginning. even though she's been in this prison all alone for so long, tortured and miserable, it sends her right back to the beginning. and now they are grieving but theyre doing it together!!! she had to do it all alone

the GREAT tragedy is that she had to sacrifice her relationship with them in order for her plan to work.

but god you're right. the narrative loves her. griffin loves her. even taako and barry and davenport love her. and i love her so much. the worst part of this is that she's just human. and she doesn't get her years back. she's going to die before any of the rest of them and as such she threw away so much of her life for this impossible decision she had to make. my poor heart is broken but their love for her persists even though so many of them will never forgive her

lucretia adventurezones is genuinely one of the best conceived characters of all time and the tragedy that taako and by extension so much of the audience cannot forgive her for her selfishness driven by her steadfast belief in what is right and her immediate decade-long lonely punishment where thirty two years of her life were burned away from her, completely alone, makes my skin ache

i get to this point in the stolen century where lucretia is maybe 18 years old and also 100 years old, so dedicated to preserving life but terrified of living it, and i hear second-hand in less than two minutes about how she fought and ran and salvaged and nearly died entirely alone for an entire year when the six remaining people alive who have ever known her have been frozen into statues. we see her again and she is out of breath and sweaty and completely broken and relieved and changed forever and i think: of course she made that decision

of course she would do anything in the world to save her friends. of course she would take it into her own hands and be selfish and burn the world down and she would do it to save them. she would do it to save the world and she would do it to save the universe. it's so selfish and so unselfish.

and it's like. of course taako can't forgive her for making him forget lup. but i can also imagine years and years and years going by while the world descends into chaos and barry and taako nearly kill themselves and never stop looking for her and never find her. especially because if lup had made it back from that mission she would have immediately been there with lucretia trying to undo what they had done

lucretia is so beautiful and amazing and fantastic because she is the big bad the entire time. she pins them all against each other. she is who she warns them about. she got them into this situation in the first place. she cursed the entire world. she gains their trust by lying to them and she leaves them all so defenseless against the hunger until the second it comes for them.

but she was right. she was right the entire time. she loved them. she made sure they had each other even when she was all alone. she did the only thing that she knew how to do in order to save them all and she was right and she did it all out of love and it worked and some of them will never ever forgive her and she knew that and did it anyway. and i love her so much

#im so. heartbroken man #thank you guys so much for adding such wonderful tags to my post #lucretia adventurezones #taz balance #tags #mine

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pneumosia · 1 day ago

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❝ IMAGINARIUM THEATRE REQUEST BOOTH! ❞ or in other words, welcome to the word prompt reqs section!

syn. in order to request, you must read the following rules and send me a request in the format given. i will not be accepting requests once the slots are filled. anyone is welcome to request. ╱ [ 11/15 slots filled. ]

THE RULES ARE AS FOLLOWS:

please don’t request more than twice, i’d like for different people to send in requests—i’ll also open more slots if i finish them all sooner than i anticipate. [ highly likely to be in february ]

below will be singular word prompts for you to choose from, request with the following format [ character ] + [ word prompt ] + angst/fluff/hurt&comfort.

for fandoms, i’m only accepting requests for all blue lock, genshin, haikyuu, hsr, and l&ds characters (+ dazai and chuuya from bsd) if you request a minor character (from genshin or hsr), it’ll automatically be platonic.

i have a right to decline your request, if you cause a fuss over it—you will be blocked. 😭

WORD PROMPTS ❤︎ SELECT FROM THE 25 BELOW.

selcouth. odd, unusual, or extraordinary in appearance, effect, manner, etc.

rubatosis. the unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat

equanimity. mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.

vermillion. a brilliant red pigment.

absquatulate. to leave somewhere abruptly.

crescendo. a gradual, steady increase in loudness.

ephemeral. lasting a very short time.

acumen. having good insight or shrewdness; having sharp intuition about something.

convivial. an atmosphere or person that is friendly or sociable.

inscrutable. impossible to understand or interpret.

obsequious. excessively eager to please or obey.

effete. overly refined - even to the point of uselessness.

galvanize. to stimulate someone to act.

metanoia. fundamental shift in how someone sees something.

ostensibly. when something appears to be true, but it may not be.

pernicious. habits or actions are especially destructive, even to the point of being deadly.

prevaricate. someone who won’t give a straight answer to a question.

zeugma. a figure of speech in which one word has a double meaning within a sentence.

nepenthe. medicine for grief and sorrow by erasing memories.

kalopsia. the delusion of things being more beautiful than they really are.

anagapesis. no longer feeling affection for someone you once loved.

saudade. a deep, emotional longing for someone or something that is absent.

retrouvaille. the joy of meeting or finding someone again after a long separation.

cicatrize. to find healing by the process of forming scars.

#imaginariumtheatre.txt 🎭

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verdantwyrm · 7 hours ago

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Anya, The Virgin Mary or the Vengeful Bitch

Or, shorthandedly, the Anyalysis.

I'm going to be occasionally stealing some points from my Curly thread over here, which you should absolutely also read. And also some segments from here, my small analysis of Jimmy and him being a monster vs choosing to be.

This analysis will be going over partially some of how she's treated in-game, but also how she's treated outside of the game as a representation of sexual assault and abuse victims, which is to either make her a mournful, bleeding heart virgin Mary, or a vengeful, final girl that's a violent, hysterical she-bitch. Which she is neither.

I think it's perfectly fine to orchestrate fictional characters killing their abusers, there's nothing inherently wrong with just that, it's more how people actually write it.

Just like any other trope, there are ways to go about it that are extremely harmful and ways that are generally inoffensive. As a victim myself, I personally see so many issues in wishing harm against your abuser, and there is nothing wrong with acting that out in characters you feel comfortable and relatable towards, but there are ways to do this that don't end up doing more harm than good— which is where most people fail. It's an objectively hard topic to address, because it requires nuance and understanding, possibly even lived experience to truly understand why someone would want this. Grieving, the absence that comes with being a victim, is not straightforward or black and white, it's an uncomfortable topic thats often on a spectrum of anger, grief or sadness that most people do not want to engage with because they have a very nearsighted opinion on how a victim should react– the perfect victim.

No one actually likes her as a character, they only like her for what she represents.

The Sexism of the Final Girl

I am sick and tired of people making up the realities in their heads where Anya overcomes Jimmy and kills him,

The trope of a "Final Girl" is not the feminist girl boss you want it to be and is incredibly misogynistic. The definition, as told by Wikipedia

"the final girl in many movies shares common characteristics: she is typically sexually unavailable or virginal, and avoids the vices of the victims like illegal drug use. She sometimes has a unisex name such as Avery, Chris, or Sidney."

There are feminist ideals and intentions behind it, but it is not inherently feminist as a concept and is often very misogynistic despite its intentions to display the woman of the group to be strong, better or uphold moral superiority for declining sex, drugs or any of the vices mentioned forehand. It is a sexist trope, and all it does is ridicule women for "falling" for said vices as if that inherently makes them inferior or deserving of murder or assault.

On the surface, the use of the final girl trope may seem like a progressive portrayal of feminist strength and ideology. It can be satisfying to see a strong, independent "girl boss" overcome an otherworldly predator or rapist. However, upon further examination, it is clear that this trope perpetuates prejudice and reinforces societal expectations for women. The final girl is typically portrayed as a straight, white, morally superior woman who abstains from "immoral" activities like drinking, drug usage and sex. She serves as a voice of reason and represents the ideal woman in our society.

Most importantly, she survives while those who deviate from societal norms face violent deaths. This trope is a subtle commentary on the expectations placed on women in our society - good girls will prevail while those who do not conform will suffer a violent and brutal death, usually at the hands of a man. Ultimately, it seeks to shame women for behaving in ways that are not considered "ladylike."

The film industry as a whole has a history of using females as vessels for pain and suffering. Hollywood loves to profit off of female suffering. These male directors may believe they are earning brownie points with audiences by having female survivors in their films, but in reality, they are simply using feminism as a disguise while indulging in the fetishization of female pain.

It is rather exhausting seeing who we are being reduced to one note Virgin Marys with bleeding hearts, scorned mothers or wounded victims of assault who will never recover, never love or never will have sex again. I do think Mouthwashing does an excellent job of telling the story of a rape victim, but how other people treat her beyond that, it's almost impossible to even have a character like Anya or even Angela from Silent Hill 2 without people stripping them and violating what their character is and instead of focusing on what they represent, a victim.

But back to Anya specifically, she does not even exert any interest, desire or want to murder or harm another person. People dehumanise her the same way Jimmy dehumanises her. They strip her of everything she could be, everything she wanted to be and make her out to be a perfect victim, a bleeding heart, a weak and pathetic woman.

How about Anya has a nice day, how about Anya smiles, and she's happy and safe. What about that? Huh? Or do you only like her when she's a victim. People care more about Anya being a victim they can save, a victim they can nurture and heal and rescue than anything else. They care more about her being weak, sad, frail and miserable. Always the mother, always the victim, always the virgin Mary and a sacrifice but never ever a woman and most definitely never a person.

It's even worse when I see people continuously writing and "re-imagining" Anya being Raped just so Curly, Daisuke, Swansea or even a self-insert reader situation to save her. I totally get that you want her to be happy, and to be rescued and for that to never happen but you severely miss the point of the story that there was no one there to save her. And constantly rewriting it to put a man in the favour of the situation comes off as very shallow and misogynistic the way you're all so ready to have someone rescue her like she's some distressed maiden in need of a big strong man, it also takes the point away from her entirely.

The horse that bites

Jimmy's constant dehumanisation of Anya affects how other people perceive her character as well, that she's weak, small or a crybaby in some sense because of how she responds to situations - emotionally, which is then amplified by Jimmy's pre-existing hatred and lack of respect for her.

Jimmy tears her down every chance he gets, makes her feel little and even compares her to Polle in his hallucinations. And Anya knows that he and Curly have a very lengthy history, so her caution and anxiety about even mentioning the incident, let alone saying the word “rape” is borderline impossible for her. It’s a manifestation, it’s a verbal acceptance and confession that it’s even happened. Something she has been trying to avoid coming to terms with.

And when she does eventually tell Swansea what happened, as much as you want to think she told him- she most likely told him to not do anything, to try and keep the peace for as long as possible.

Again, her vagueness is not her fault, nor is it her responsibility. It was Jimmy’s responsibility to not abuse and rape her.

It’s also very present that Jimmy is verbally abusive to her, putting her down at every opportunity by ignoring her very talented medical skills by saying Pony Express only hired her to cut corners in an attempt to reduce costs because she failed Medical School and that she’s not a “real nurse” because of that, and how he constantly questions her skills despite keeping Curly alive for such a long time in such a state.

After being insulted by him multiple times, she fawns to get him to actually do something beneficial because she knows he responds well to praise, and he complies, all while still insulting and belittling her for being "weak" and "sentimental"

Anya shows a clear fear of Jimmy and has consistent fawn responses around Jimmy. She is extremely careful not to make him upset and praises him to keep him amused and compliant to a degree.

Just like Anya says, our worst moments don't make us monsters. It's one thing to fuck up, and immediately suffer the consequences and acknowledge your mistakes— But it's another thing entirely to purposefully make it so you never have to deal with the repercussions and then make yourself out to be the victim. Jimmy takes every opportunity to blame everyone around him. All the time and Anya is no stranger to this.

Curly genuinely saw the good in Jimmy, in the same way, Anya sees the good in others and possibly even tried to see the good in Jimmy despite the pain as one of the key important things about how everything went about is that Anya never directly refers to her rapist as Jimmy, nor does she ever actually insult or talk badly about him, she only expresses her disinterest in talking to him because of his reluctance to cooperate with her. They both believe that our worst moments don't define us, and Curly had his own interpretation all of how we're defined by our past, but not slaves to it.

She is scared, she is terrified at this point and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that nor should we rush to change that. Her being scared is realistic, she is a scared lady in a very scary situation with an even scarier man who constantly switches between dissociation and lashing out depending on what's going on around him. And she is not that person to fight back, to be violent or to hurt him and that is perfectly fine. She doesn't need to be a girl boss feminist and fight back, she can just be a scared and quiet woman stuck in her own terror, and trying to infer that one Is the "better" option downplays victims who freeze in their own terror and makes them out to be weak or a hapless damsel because they're incapable of "standing up for themselves"

She has every single right to be absolutely terrified and that is in no way a bad thing. I actually really, really dislike the interpretation that Anya is angry, resentful or has any revenge towards Curly, or that she has to be this, hysterical mad woman sent out to kill or hurt Jimmy. I don't believe she's either of this. Anya deserves peace, and I think it's extremely important to understand just how similar she is to Curly. And I'm full of the belief that if Anya had actually done something to Jimmy (hurt him, kill him, whatever) she would be demonized and the misogyny she already faces in the fandom would be worse tenfold. Do not lie to yourself.

Not to even mention one of the many, many reasons as to why Anya OD'd in a room with a lock in the first place. It was to make sure Jimmy could never touch her again? Or do something awful to her body, even when it was lifeless and cold? It was to keep the gun safe, to protect Curly, to protect herself, to take control of the situation, to finally not have to worry about him ever touching her again. And Jimmy still violates it, even after she's dead.

He touches her, drags her body, and props her up in that chair. Even after death, she is never free from him. She thought she was going to finally be free of him, his rage, his desires, his touch, and she died thinking this, that he would never ever be touched or hurt by him ever again. She died thinking all was well, that it would all work out in the end, it had to. She died thinking Daisuke and Swansea would somehow make it out of there, tell her story, and make Jimmy face the consequences of his actions, it was the ultimate sacrifice, it was the greatest thing she could ever do.

Jimmy ruined her life, and he ruined her death, her sacrifice. To keep herself safe, to keep Curly safe, to keep the gun away from him, it all meant nothing.

Thinking outside the Ship

Anya is fun, she is enthusiastic, loves to make jokes, draw, play board games with Daisuke, read, and teases Swansea about his love for sweets which he doesn't even bother to object to and Swansea hands her a note so that she could give it to Curly during his psychological evaluation,, implying that they're casual enough for an exchange like that to occur, and even has what seems to be a budding relationship with Curly himself, taking to his comment about being fit to fly in her eyes like it's a common exchange of flirting between the both of them and she even teases him at the birthday party to "hop to it" in terms of the cake. She is at ease around him, her walls have dropped, and she feels safe to talk to him, and even attempts to try and get him to open up more to her.

She reads psychology books, she is extremely determined having applied to Medical school on total of eight different times and obviously has the skills and interest to keep doing it despite failing and only joined Pony Express so she could make money and keep trying to get into medical school.. She also has good taste in music, one that Swansea and Curly enjoy very much. She also seems to get along well with Daisuke and even allows her emotions to show with anger when they play games they seem to have much of the same sense of humour, judging by how Daisuke is genuinely worried about her when she locks herself in the Medical, they seem to have a positive relationship. We don't know much about her relationships with the others beyond what the wiki can provide.

She seems to have the best relationship with Curly, although. And after the crash, she can't bear to give Curly his pills due to him being in visible agony and her own trauma of forcing him to do something he very obviously doesn't want to endure, likely due to memories of her assault being triggered by both the act of forced insertion and the sounds produced by Curly during it.

Anya also spends most of her free time studying. She runs to clear her head. And when she really needs to destress, she binges on the worst reality television and fast food. She is a very free-spirited woman who is eternally doomed to be reduced to nothing but a hapless, miserable victim.

Final Comments and Thoughts

I don't have much to say here unlike my last analysis, but the situation on the Tulpar is not as straightforward as people would like, I understand it's extremely cathartic to think of a situation where Jimmy gets what he deserves but it isn't realistic, and thats what this game is trying to say. Abusive corporations, exhausting capitalism, this environment breeds Abusers like Jimmy and victims like Anya and Curly. There was nothing that could be done. Pony Express is what doomed them all, they're the catalyst.

Anya deserves to be written and viewed as more than just a representation, a victim or a vengeful hysterical bitch. She deserves to be happy!

Thank you for reaching the end of the thread, please don't be scared to share your thoughts in the tags or in my inbox, I'd love to hear them! good job! (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ ) ♡

#mouthwashing #mouthwashing anya #mouthwashing jimmy #mouthwashing curly #just talking #curly mouthwashing #mouthwashing daisuke #mouthwashing swansea #long post #analysis #character analysis #mw #mouthwashing meta

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rootspiral · 2 days ago

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I don’t remember if you mentioned this in your deep dives, but I just noticed that almost everyone’s hallucinations during Jen’s trial are about their dead loved ones. Except Jen’s, which was her binding.

It’s almost like being bound, losing her magic, was as traumatic as losing a loved one. Agatha and Billy really didn’t get that, did they.

Also can we talk about how no one remembered to collect Sharon’s hair for the potion but it still worked?

I'm so glad I got this question since it's something I've been meaning to talk about, thank you!

The thing is, there are so many kinds of grief. Death is what we associate with the term the most since it's both so common and so final, but we grieve and mourn a lot of things throughout our lives, some less severe than others. You might grieve the loss of your childhood when you go live on your own for the first time, you may grieve after losing a job or a house, after ending a relationship with a friend, a romantic partner or a family member, and (this is Jen's case) after losing body autonomy and your sense of identity.

When you experience loss your brain will tend to react in specific ways, you might feel shock, numbness, anger, sorrow, depression. Some people will become more generous and empathic, others will cope by becoming isolated and defensive and self centered. I love that we see different kinds of coping mechanisms within our witches, and I love that Jen reacts very similarly to Agatha (although not as extremely): she rejects her own community, puts on a lot of armor and essentially becomes a scam artist in order to survive.

This show in my opinion brings home beautifully some very important points: people are much more complicated than good or evil. The way we react to sorrow might be healthy or unhealthy but it's still undeniably human. People need to work on their issues but it's almost impossible to do it on your own, without the support of a community. Jen copes with the loss of her powers in an arguably unhealthy way, but it's so much more nuanced than that! Like you point out, her pain is just as valid as the others', and it's comparatively harder to come to terms with too because she wasn't hurt by a random natural occurrence, but by real people that of course she is gonna blame and hate!

Jen took a lot of pride in being a root worker and midwife, losing that was like losing her identity and sense of self. And where was her community when that happened? Why was she an outcast? I'm sure some of it was self-inflicted self-preservation, I have very little backstory to base my observations on but Jen saying "like I care about that dusty, warty, snaggle-toothed community" when she cares so much she almost cried when Lilia called her a "sister in the craft"? Where WAS her community? Why was she left to fend for herself? Jen's attitude changes so much when she finds empathy and understanding in her fellow witches, and Lilia makes it clear that Jen's future is so bright and there so much potential there for exceptional achievements. Jen is such a driven person! I do really hope we see more of her, I want to see what she does next and I want her to be happy and fulfilled (and also get a little revenge, for funsies.)

I'm not sure if I answered your question at all, I just kind of blabbed on 😅 and re: Sharon - did the potion work though!?! It very much didn't.

#asks #agatha all along #aaa meta #jennifer kale

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black--blizzard · 2 days ago

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tw/cw// implied suicidal ideation mention

I saw someone say Sonic's reaction to Shadow's actions is actually perfectly understandable considering he's lost someone he deeply cares about before.

I wanna add, even though Sonic certainly has healed through the bonds he's built throughout the two previous movies, I wouldn't be surprised if, however, he still blamed himself for Longclaw's loss, and if so, taking into account how he reacted to Tails getting hurt in the second movie (y'know the one with a "with a great power comes great responsibility" kind of message) I'm sure Sonic was already blaming himself for what could possibly become a new loss of none other than another parental figure, at least as far as he was concerned.

It's actually very interesting how even though Shadow doesn't change his mind on the spot, the seed of doubt over the rightness of his actions sprouts at that very moment he realizes his grief, turned into anger and resentment, lead him to do to Sonic the same thing that was done to him, 'cause I mean, considering how much Shadow hated Commander Walters I'm sure he hit Tom hard, like very much aiming to kill.

So, when he saw Sonic all powered-up and almost bloodthirsty he most likely convinced himself he had just created a new him right on the spot and even though he doesn't show it, just maybe even guilt began slowly taking over him, combining with the already overwhelming emotional turmoil that was already haunting his mind to the point he wanted Sonic to finish him as soon as the latter achieved to overpower him; he suddenly terribly reminded me of Arcane Jinx and her lowkey-then-highkey suicidal tendencies ('cause has anybody talked about how Shadow and Gerald's plan was basically to off themselves along with the rest of the life on Earth!? That's some really dark shit, man!)

Meanwhile, Sonic then being able to collect himself and spare Shadow's life, even when he wasn't sure Tom was gonna make it, speaks volumes of his willpower, but also about how much he cares about and respects his family, he didn't want to become something Tom wouldn't want him to be, he didn't want to spoil what could become Tom's memory like that.

I'm loving so much what this movie did with Sonic and Shadow's relationship!

Movie sonadow is the best sonadow

Hot take? Not sure tbh but I think movieverse sonic and shadow have the best version of their relationship in ANY piece of sonic media. Movie sonic doesn’t just sympathize with movie shadow. He understands his pain in a way that his game, comic, and tv show counterparts dont.

Movie sonic is the only version of sonic who’s actually been in shadow’s place and it adds more depth to their relationship. They’re both connected by paths of loss and grief and the movie keeps showing us the parallels between them. How they’re not so different after all.

Not only that, but the film actually shows how sonic is a direct contrast to shadow by illustrating how much he values humanity because of the people he cares about existing in it. (Tom and Maddie) Its not only sonic who understands shadow. But its shadow who understands sonic

Their relationship in the film isnt just built on contrasting ideals or their opposing personalities. Its intertwined with how they cope with loss, how they let it affect their life, and most of all, healing. And I think that’s what makes their dynamic deeper and more compelling

#leave it to Arcane fans to turn things darker than they already are #scu #sonic the hedgehog #sonic wachowski #shadow the hedgehog #sonic 3 spoilers #tw sui ideation mention #cw sui ideation mention #tw implied sui ideation #cw implied sui ideation

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deconstructthesoup · 3 days ago

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Because I can, here's what Fear Entities I think the Voices in Slay the Princess would follow:

Hero: None of them! He's avatar-less! I'll even go further and say that he's like Georgie! There's no point in giving our best boy fear powers, because I sincerely doubt he'd use them!

Hunted: Now, I didn't want to say The Hunt, but... well, we've seen the Den update. He's definitely what happens when someone who's marked by The Hunt becomes an avatar of it.

Opportunist: They're a Web avatar, but they're really, really, really bad at being a Web avatar. In true Oppy fashion.

Skeptic: The Eye. Do I really need to explain?

Smitten: Look, even before Happily Ever After, I would've said Corruption, so that just confirmed it for me. The Corruption is the Entity that's about love that grows sour, love that grows obsessive, love that becomes destructive, and... yeah. Also, I really think he'd be cool as an avatar who literally gets lovesick.

Stubborn: Weirdly enough, The Flesh! The fact that he can make us keep fighting even after our bones are broken and organs are ruptured feels very Flesh to me, and it feels fitting to give that Entity to the biggest and toughest Voice.

Broken: He's an avatar of The Vast---specifically, the part of The Vast where you just lay down and accept that you're an insignificant speck in a cold, gigantic, uncaring universe. He's also probably the only Vast avatar that isn't a ball of sheer chaos.

Paranoid: I initially debated The Eye for him, but really, The Spiral is way more fitting for our skittish little nervous wreck. He's a spiraling mess, and we love him for it.

Cold: Lonely. In the Lukas way.

Cheated: Honestly, given the fact that he goes through a lot of pain and grief, The Desolation. It's another victim-turned-avatar situation, I think.

Contrarian: Am I going to say "The Stranger" simply because everyone draws him as a jester, and because that's the name of the chapter he's in? Yes. Will I deny that it's completely fitting? No.

#ah thank god it's only eleven characters to tag #slay the princess #voice of the hero #voice of the hunted #voice of the opportunist #voice of the skeptic #voice of the smitten #voice of the stubborn #voice of the broken #voice of the paranoid #voice of the cold #voice of the cheated #voice of the contrarian

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junixscribble · 1 day ago

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Sweet Dreams

ALRIGHT this is another one to blame the server for. Some context - this is a bit of a combo of AUs I've seen with my own hcs thrown in. Apologies for the exposition (again).

Title: Sweet Dreams

WC: 1495w

Summary: Life is good in Zaun. Great, even. A normal night turns into something a little sillier.

-----------

It had been over a year since Jayce and Viktor were consumed by the Arcane. In their world life went on, Jayce was grieved, and Viktor was forgotten - those that did remember him could only hold onto the memory of what he became. Piltover grew, completely unbeknownst of a universe just a little to the left, where two men thrived.

The two inventors had set up a repair shop they shared, working out of Zaun. Between them they had developed a filtration system to clean the air that went completely unknown by Piltover, and the Zaunites were happy to keep it that way. Neither were untouched by their experience though. Jayce used a brace more often than not to help with his leg that never healed, and the white fingerprints on his forehead had faded greatly but would never leave.

The Arcane did not want to let go of Viktor that easily, but it seemed to have been decently kind with it. When they landed in a field on the outskirts of the city, Viktor was trapped switching between two forms: his Herald, as they called it, and his human body. It fucking hurt, but settled down and eventually he was able to switch between forms at will. The markings that once covered him like Jayce also faded into pale lavender streaks on his skin, and his lungs no longer gave him grief. He still dealt with pain in his leg, but that was par for the course at this point.

(He also kept his hair long, because he knew Jayce liked it)

(Jayce also kept his beard, because he knew Viktor liked it)

The day had been good - people had come to them with problems ranging from malfunctioning prosthetics to broken toys, all of which had been fixable within an hour. Jayce always sent the toy repairs to Viktor as he was a little better with the fiddly equipment and children seemed to flock to the man. Plus it was very funny watching Viktor figure out what to do with small children.

Viktor wandered into the bedroom in sleep pants with some sweetmilk while Jayce laid in bed and stared directly at the ceiling, eyes open and brow furrowed.

“Jayce, what are you thinking about?” Viktor asked, recognising the look.

“Hmm? Oh. Prosthetic pneumatics. Was I doing the thing where I look like a concerned corpse?” Jayce frowned and Viktor laughed, sitting next to him.

“You were. And you need to stop thinking about work in your downtime.”

“Look who’s talking.”

Viktor tipped his head in agreement. “A fair point. Still, I can’t use you as a pillow if you have gone rigor mortis on me.”

Jayce sputtered a protest at the comparison but raised an arm so Viktor could settle in beside him, which he did. The two read in the quiet together, Jayce gently carding his fingers through Viktor’s hair until a low rumbling noise came from his chest. That had been another discovery made after a few months of switching forms - there were hangovers between each one. The Herald could make a mechanical rumbling noise similar to a purr when content and that carried over to Viktor as well, although with a more organic and quiet sound. Jayce loved that he could tell when his partner was happy and teased him for the cat-like tendency at any opportunity. Not this time though, as he was starting to drift off and couldn’t really be bothered starting a quip-war.

It only took another ten minutes for both of them to put down their books and curl up to drift off together.

…

There was something on his side, and it felt weird. No, there was something on his side, and it tickled. Jayce’s brain woke up in increments at an unholy hour, half aware of something going on on his right side. The feeling moved up higher and he gasped, almost jerking as it brushed under his armpit. He looked to the side to find Viktor, seemingly fast asleep with his hands on Jayce’s torso. They weren’t doing much, just wandering and teasing, but it was enough that Jayce was trying to hold back giggles. He tried gently removing his hands but they came back stronger and more intently, poking into his ribs now.

“Vik, cut it out!” Jayce asked quietly, but it did nothing. He came to the slow realisation that his partner was indeed completely asleep, and obviously having a pretty stupid dream. Viktor still had trouble sleeping and Jayce was not going to be the one to interrupt a good night's rest so he steeled himself to endure the touches, trying to move as little as possible.

This proved to be a challenge. Being asleep, Viktor’s onslaught wasn’t nearly as bad as it was when he was awake but the ghosting of fingers on his sides and belly had him trying desperately not to squirm away and laugh. When both Viktor’s hands started spidering into his armpits it took every bit of self control not to slam his arms down. He couldn’t help but let out a high pitched squeal, after which he immediately checked to make sure Viktor was still asleep.

Jayce endured this feathery, tickly torture without jostling too much for an impressive amount of time. He was strangely proud of himself for holding out against Viktor’s fingers squeezing his stomach at all. One of Viktor’s hands suddenly moved up the back of his sides with precision too exact to belong to a sleeping person, and the fact finally clicked in Jayce’s brain.

“Viktor Talis. Are you awake?” He asked, eyes on Viktor’s face. There was almost no indication he had heard him. Almost. Jayce caught the corners of his mouth twitch upwards, and he knew he’d been had.

“Oh my gods, you little shit you’re going to pay for that!” Jayce threatened, jumping up and pinning Viktor’s arms to the bed. Viktor was wide awake now and grinning at him. He opened his mouth and Jayce shook his head.

“Nope, the only way you’re getting a word in is if you’re laughing.”

With that Jayce let go of Viktor’s arms, pulled back the covers, and squished his hands on either side of Viktor’s stomach. Viktor had half a second to prepare himself before Jayce started munching on his tummy, blowing raspberries all over the place and very ticklishly gnawing on his skin. His first reaction was to nearly shriek before laughing harder than he ever had at Jayce’s nibbling all over. Jayce’s hands got to work too, making sure Viktor’s belly was in the tickle target zone while squeezing and kneading into his sides and lower ribs.

“JAHAYCE! Noho fair!”

“Mmm, tasty!” Jayce teased, nuzzling his beard into Viktor’s stomach and making om nom noises after he spoke. He knew this tickled like absolute hell, and by Viktor’s kicking and cackling he could tell it was working. Pressing kisses and gently using his teeth to scrape across the sensitive skin was driving Viktor wild in new and exciting ways, so Jayce decided on a new game - trace over Viktor’s Arcane markings with his lips and tongue. This made Viktor’s pleading turn into gibberish, eliciting a screech when Jayce’s tongue dipped into his navel.

“Nohohohononoo! Thahat’s ahawful!”

“Oh, would you like to tell me where it tickles the most? We could make an experiment out of it!”

“Hehey, that’s my lihiHIHINE AHAHA!” Viktor tried to cut back but was interrupted by Jayce blowing the biggest raspberry yet right over his navel. It was then that the low rumbling noise started in Viktor’s chest, interspersing with the laughing. Jayce tilted his head to the side in amusement, replacing his mouth with his hands so he could speak.

“Aw, you’re purring!” Jayce said with a smile, hands scribbling over Viktor’s stomach at the speed of light. “You like this!”

Viktor squirmed violently, voice scratching from the purring he couldn’t control. “Jahayce plehease, ihit tickles so bahadly!”

“Alright, alright. Just one more.”

Jayce blew a last raspberry into Viktor’s stomach, using his scratchy beard to get a final yell from his partner before finally relenting. Viktor laid there on the bed, heaving for breath through continuous purring.

“I am covered in your slobber. Gross.” he commented, unable to conjure much more. Jayce snickered and laid down beside him.

“You deserved it.”

Viktor frowned, before he turned to Jayce with an evil grin. “Actually, I don’t think the punishment fits the crime at all.”

Jayce watched as Vitkor’s eyes glowed white with Arcane energy and his body glitched in place, transforming into the incarnation of the divine in living form. Well, that’s how Jayce saw it.

Viktor pinned Jayce down the same way Jayce had done to him, still purring. “You have just started a war, Jayce. I hope you’re prepared for the outcome.”

The hexclaw spun and contracted menacingly over Viktor’s shoulder, and Jayce gulped. This was gonna tickle so bad.

#arcane tickling #jayce talis #viktor arcane #jayvik #lee!viktor #arcane jayce #lee!jayce #arcane tickles #tickling #it is midnight #fuck me I guess here you go

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ladylucksrogue · 3 days ago

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Masterlist

Hey, I figured it was about time I sat down and put one of these together, as I have a lot of fics and it can be rather confusing, even for me.

I’ve split them into categories, gen, ship fics and series. I have also linked a few of my cosplay posts.

I am very much ship and let ship. I realize that not everyone out there ships the same people. I am too old and too tired to get into shipping wars and discourse. I have literally about a thousand other things I would rather do than judge someone based on their shipping preferences. I don’t block or blacklist or go through people’s profiles to see what they ship. There is no DNI if you ship xyz or if I find out you ship xyz you will be blocked. I don’t have time for that. If I don’t like something I see on someone’s feed, I move on with my life. That said, I’ll give almost anything a read. I realize that is not everyone’s cup of tea and I respect that.

I would sincerely appreciate the same courtesy. If you see something I have written here and it is not your jam, absolutely fine, no hard feelings. Please don’t be like, oh, I’d love to read this but it has xyz ship in it, eww. We’re all adults here. Fandom is supposed to be fun, let’s keep it that way, shall we?

GEN:

Fox:

A Rock and a Hard Place - Fox is just so done

Everything is Fine - written for Corrie Guard Week, prompt Eldritch

Bly:

Frozen - Bly deals with the consequences of his General getting injured at the beginning of the war

Rex:

Rise from the Ashes - Rex coping with loss during the war

Trust Issues- The aftermath of Umbara

Faking a Smile - Post Kadavo

Not Strong Enough - post order 66 - Rex buries his brothers

Cody:

Surrender- Cody is captured by the Seppies

Trembling - How Cody got his scar

Grieving - the fallout of Umbarra

Wolffe:

This Isn’t Going to Work - Post TBB season 3 - Wolffe’s fall from grace in the Empire

Phantom Pain - A recon mission gone wrong

Last Chance - aftermath of Wolffe losing his eye in the Battle of Khorm

Swept Away - an adventure fic after a mission gone wrong

Betrayal - Order 66

The Future is Blurry, The Past is a Trap - Wolffe has left the Empire. He doesn't have a plan. He knows Rex and more of his brothers are out there, but he doesn't have an idea of where to find them or where to start looking. Will be continued at some point, I do have the whole story mapped out, I just need to write it. This one is super near to my heart.

Other:

Grief - featuring Fives and Rex

Miscommunication - a command batch cadet fic

No Way Out - Dogma’s fate after Umbara

Confrontation - Rex and Wolffe have a candid convo about Wolffe hiding those messages in Rebels

Broken- in the aftermath of Fives’ death, Rex confronts Fox

Cold Shoulder - the fallout from Broken

Balance - a command batch cadet fic - Alpha-17 meets the command batch

Dilemmas - Cody and Fox centric - both as cadets on Kamino and during the war

Fight or Flight - Set just prior to the Battle of Geonosis - featuring Fox and Wolffe and my explanation as to why Wolffe was stationed on Kamino at the beginning of the war

A Long Night - command Batch as cadets and Alpha-17

Ship:

Obitine (Obi-Wan x Satine)

Per Ardua Ad Astra - year on the run - unfinished - on hiatus indefinately.

Solstice - a fun Holiday themed one shot

Blyla (Bly x Aayla)

Lost Battle - set during the war

Left Behind - post order 66 - Aayla survives

The Ghost of You - post order 66, Bly’s chip wears off (PLEASE mind the tags here, this one is very dark)

Where The Lines Blur - A oneshot set during the war

On the Run - post order 66

Foxiyo (Fox x Riyo)

All is Fair - a slightly cracky oneshot featuring nerf guns (rated: E)

Bad Dreams- Fox has a nightmare, Riyo is there to comfort him (Rated: E)

Learning the Truth - Fox survives Vader post order 66

Never See You Again - the continuation and reunion after Learning the Truth (rated E)

Emotion - A drabble that takes place after Never See You Again - Riyo is expecting

A Cry for Help- Fox deals with a fire in the lower levels

Sleepy Kisses - a drabble

Kiss to the back of the hand - a drabble

Tentative kiss - a drabble

The Stars We Can’t See - a Riyo and Fox get together story, multi chapter, incomplete but will be continued shortly

Trust Me - Riyo finds the idea of binders intriguing - (Rated E)

Date Night - set in the Unexpected fix it universe - Fox and Riyo as parents

The Best Defense - Foxiyo Week 2024, Prompt Self Defense, also the prompt sensory deprivation for Clone Kinktober (Rated E)

The Moon Festival - Prompt Cultural Traditions

Making History - Prompt Elections

Falling for You - Prompt Pick-up lines

Barely Holding on - Prompt support

Hunger - Prompt undercover. Modern AU Alternate Universe - a vampire fic

Kiss to a scar- a drabble

Bittersweet - post order 66 (Rated: E)

Bells - a fun holiday drabble

Rexsoka (Rex x Ahsoka):

(Please note: Everything I write of them happens either post Season 7 or Ahsoka is aged up. In none of my stories is she underage)

Home Sweet Home- a cracky post war, happy AU oneshot (Rated: M)

The Reason - set Post order 66 - in the aftermath (Rated: M)

The Truth Will Set You Free - Pre-relationship (Rated: T)

Drained- set during TBB season 3 (Rated: E)

To Light The Path Forward - set during the Rebellion and features their daughter

Kiss out of Spite - A drabble

Kiss while someone watches - a drabble

Kiss while crying - a drabble

Stolen Moments - a oneshot set sometime after TBB season 3

Rough kisses - a drabble

Codywan (Cody x Obi-Wan)

Lights - modern AU one-shot

Longing - pre relationship, Cody-centric, lots of pining

A Little Too Late - this one isn’t really so much shippy but I’ll put it here - it deals with the aftermath of Obi-Wan’s fake death and Cody sorting his feelings, unrequited love

The Last Time - post order 66, reunion on Tatooine

Accidental Kiss - a drabble

Kiss to a scar pt. 2 - a drabble

Kiss while being carried - a drabble

Wolffe/OC:

Rendezvous - a smutty oneshot at 79s (Rated E)

Kiss to the palm of the hand (Wolffe x Liri) - a drabble

Under the Moon (Wolffe x Liri) weird sithy magic, a werewolf themed fic for Halloween

Wolffe/Ventress:

Dance in the Darkness - a smutty oneshot. Hate sex. There’s really not much other than that. I wrote this because no one else had.

Tech/Phee:

Baking Cookies - a fun holiday fix-it on Pabu

SERIES:

Holiday Drabbles - Many of these are set in my fix-it universe, or Unexpected-verse and feature family oriented feels, how the characters families grow.

Unexpected-verse:

This series centers on Wolffe and my OC Liri There are other couples that make appearances as well as it is at times very ensemble. This is very much a canon divergent fix-it series.

Unexpected:

Fanart and character design of Liri can be found here and is done by the fabulous @anstarwar

Wolffe never expected to fall for anyone. It just wasn't something he'd do. Until it happened.

How does he deal with it? Not well. Meanwhile, everyone around him is trying to figure out what exactly is going on with him. First of the series and introduces my OC Liri Arkay.

Next in the series, in order:

Spontaneous (Rex/Ahsoka, Foxiyo) Includes fabulous fanart by @nottonyharrison

Stunning

Revelation

Out of the Blue (Wolffe/Liri, Rex/Ahsoka)

Shockwaves

Changes

A kiss while on or both parties is crying - Introduces Mira, Wolffe and Liri’s daughter and includes beautiful fanart by @sleepingsun501 of Wolffe meeting his newborn daughter for the very first time.

Cosplay

https://www.tumblr.com/ladylucksrogue/766899504463085568?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/ladylucksrogue/766899532991807488?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/ladylucksrogue/767116637980770304/why-is-it-that-the-first-thing-i-thought-when-i?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/ladylucksrogue/764700151164059648/and-the-first-fitting-still-some-minor-details?source=share

Dividers courtesy of @moosgraphics @freesia-writes @panda-writing and @saradika-graphics

#my writing #my fanfiction #star wars fanfiction #rexsoka #codywan #foxiyo #wolffe x oc #obitine #blyla #captain rex #commander cody #commander bly #commander fox #command batch #commander wolffe

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mirrorofliterature · 2 hours ago

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these are some excellent points! I think it's a fandom wide problem, amongst all fandoms, to exaggerate a disliked character's flaws to prop a liked character up (in this case, anakin and obi-wan respectively), which I've never particularly liked.

and you're totally right! the flaws are what makes the prequel trilogy interesting and the sanitisation of the jedi order and obi-wan in particular (who was definitely in a position of power from within as a councilor during the clone wars)

if obi-wan had not been a failed mentor, then we simply would not have the OT, or at least not the OT with darth vader in it. darth vader is the most iconic part of the franchise, he IS the central character that runs through both the PT and OT... obi-wan, at best, is the connecting link, an important secondary character but secondary nonetheless, whose blind adherence to a flawed code and order, at the expense of his interpersonal relationships, because he was an arrogant apathetic asshat, particularly in TPM (ah yes, let's call the NINE YEAR OLD a pathetic life form and dangerous within ear shot), and I feel vindicated when cinema therapy's jonathan, a licensed therapist, EXPLICITLY states that obi-wan was a shitty mentor: 'obi-wan’s style of mentoring is largely harsh criticism… that’s freaking traumatic'.

did the circumstances suck? yeah. but obi-wan was 25. he trained anakin for his own sake - to alleviate the grief of his master's death - not for anakin's, and tried to form him into the perfect jedi mold, and never told him his failings - his love for anakin - and oh my god, obi-wan, I just want to shake you, you emotionally constipated asshole.

whenever fanfiction writes obi-wan as emotionally competent I'm like. that man is a manipulative ass-wipe who yes, did not deserve his fate, but he was at the table weaving it the second he decided to treat a recently freed slave child with barely concealed contempt, not compassion like a jedi should have, and always holding anakin at arms length

obi-wan is a well-meaning asshole who did a lot of good, yes, but also did a lot of harm because he put the ideal of appearing perfect over actually fucking helping people, starting with his traumatised padawan and idk throwing him a compliment every once in a while

'obi-wan is such a poor little tragic meow meow'

me, vibrating: obi-wan dug his own grave and he KNOWS it, stop erasing obi-wan's explicit narrative role in creating darth vader. he knows he fucked up when raising anakin, he did fuck up when raising anakin, he DID fail anakin. it's a pretty explicit part of the PT and OT.

them: obi-wan never did anything wrong and anakin, the child, was simply too difficult for obi-wan, the grown ass adult. everything is anakin's fault and obi-wan suffers the most out of every star wars character

me: *throws up my hands in the air* look at what you did to the perfectly flawed complex failed mentor figure. you woobified him into a 2D cariacature, look OSP agrees with me: 'great character, not so great mentor'

#obi-wan kenobi #one of my favourite tropes is anakin taking obi-wan's place in rako hardeen and telling padme and keeping ahoska away but not obi-wan #because he didn't think obi-wan CARED #how tf is anakin supposed to know that obi-wan cared for him?#star wars #jedi critical #obi-wan critical #anakin skywalker

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skyborneveggie · 20 hours ago

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oh my goodness your hanahaki posting is getting to me. do you have more specific thoughts on a (lawlight?) hanahaki au? flower symbolism, logistics of the illness progression/timeline, etc.? do they both get it, do they ever get over it, is this the ultimate doomed flower sickness yaoi??? The People (me) wanna know!!!

Omg thank you so much for asking because I have SO many thoughts!!! I'm currently writing a fic on this & it was supposed to be just a little plot bunny thing, but then the implications hanahaki would have for Light's psyche kept running on & on & on in my mind 😩.

To start with, I have a bit of an unconventional take when it comes to hanahaki and similar tropes... I have a very strong preference for returning agency to the person experiencing the symptoms, and in that way making hanahaki not about unrequited/unconfessed love, but about emotionally repressing one's own feelings and an inability to be honest with oneself. The body is eating itself, and out of the dead pieces grows a desperate, last chance, unignorable cry for help. For the mind to listen. A beautiful, growing thing that should have been nurtured, becomes murderous. It's a physical manifestation of extreme psychological distress; one that can only be healed by approaching emotional self-acceptance.

In this light, I feel that post-yotsuba Light is PRIME to fall prey to this. He's already the king of repression, and now on top of that he's repressing his grief over L's death to the furthest ends of the earth and back. Light is someone who, as presented in the narrative, is incapable of self-realization. What would he do if he was confronted with irrefutable physical evidence of his own emotions? Is he capable of putting in the work to heal? Is he so compartmentalized that he can pick out this one element of himself and ignore all the other hidden fragments it's tied to? Or are the many fibers of his subconscious too jumbled, too interwoven to be able to separate the strands of his feelings for L out from the mess? If he opens the box to look inward, will the truth of everything else come spilling out? Is it better to live, destroyed by the guilt of the truth of your actions; that you were only ever a mass-murderer and that. is. all? Or is it better to die, in denial, and convince yourself it was martyrdom?

And also like. The absolute shame Light would experience in the mid-to-late stages, when the effects become unconcealable. There's no way he would be able to hide it from the task force for all that time. How does someone who can't abide even the slightest hint of his own imperfection, deal with not only the internal knowledge of his emotional instability, but also the knowledge that everyone else can now see it on him too. The hatred he would feel any time he saw pity in someone's eyes. The feeling of his body betraying his mind, and everything he stands for.

Light is someone that I see as being very disconnected from his body to begin with, existing largely within his own mind, his body nothing more than a vehicle with which to navigate the unimpressive, foggy, distant physical world through. I can imagine that for a very, very long time, he would be in absolute denial about what is happening to him. His mind is the only true thing, and it knows itself better than anything. His body—clunky, stupid, vacuous—is a traitorous and meaningless vessel. It is wrong, it doesn't understand him. It is pulling things from nowhere.

At some point, he has to face the facts, acknowledge the truth about his grief and true feelings for L, and make a intentional decision about his future. There is no more naive & unconscious path forward. It is either a conscious choice to accept the known truth, or a conscious choice to suppress the known truth.

(Also I think Misa's interaction with all of this could be FASCINATING. I'm of the opinion Misa is not truly in love with Light either, and that she uses him as a prop in her own internal agenda to simulate love & normalcy. L is dead, so I don't imagine she'd see him as much of a threat to her built-up fantasy. I do wonder if she would fear for Light as an extension of fearing for herself and her own future without him, or if by nature of it being a slow decline, she would be able to come to terms with it in a toxic kind of way and romanticize the hell out of taking care of her "poor terminally ill boyfriend :(".)

The idea of Light getting hanahaki in the first half while L is still alive is interesting, & one I've thought about far less tbh. I kind of feel like since it is a present, living feeling at that point and hasn't yet become internalized as a past-tense emotional memory, it could be possible for Light to come to terms with his feelings without jeopardizing his internal construct. If it was between life and death, I'm certain he would choose life in that case. But I'm not sure that it would deter him from killing L in the end.

And perhaps this goes without saying, but if the operation was available in this theoretical universe, pre-yotsuba Kira!Light would recognize & get it all ripped out right away out of necessity, to prevent himself from being compromised under pressure of the game. Post-yotsuba Light, with the threat of immediacy removed and dull fog of mundanity descended over him, would have more time to linger in denial. (I am trying to decide, for my fic, whether it is believable that Light could be so deep in denial that he could let himself get to the point where the flowers and vines have inextricably embedded themselves in his system, and the surgery is no longer possible by the time he seeks help; or if his sense of self-preservation outweighs his emotional denial. I would love to hear your opinion on this 🤔) Yotsuba Light is so, so interesting to think about!! He has the highest capacity to heal his hanahaki the natural way, but he is still the same perfectionist, internally unforgiving person. I'm kind of torn as to whether I think he would be able to reach self-realization, or if he would still see his feelings as a weakness and get the flowers taken out. I could see either happening under the right circumstances.

As for L: I feel that L is able to be a lot more emotionally honest with himself than Light is. If he got hanahaki, I think it would fuck him up inside and that it would be despairing, but I also think that he doesn't have an internalized compulsion to lie to himself. He might hate it, but he would be able to accept the truth of his feelings, and banish the flowers by letting the knowledge of it live in his body like a silent, melancholic memento. In this way, L's hanahaki has the potential to be canon compliant. Alternatively, if he did get the surgery, it would be more of a calculated, impersonal decision, one that he might not really want to do but has to for his own best chance at surviving the game. He might be a bit mournful & carry a bit of preemptive regret over it. Unlike Light, who would tear everything out with furious self-loathing.

I could go on even more, but this has already become extremely long 🙈. Thank you for listening to me ramble endlessly haha.

#I had sooo much fun exploring this #sorry it's so long.. and sorry if it's not the answer you were looking for! I know my hanahaki take is not the conventional one.#hanahaki #🥺🥺🥺🥀🥀🥀#light yagami #l lawliet #lawlight #death note

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chateau-dilf · 23 hours ago

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LCDMC Script: The Count, Fernand and Opium

Out of all the cut material from the script there were only two subplots: Maximilien's involvement and the Count introducing Fernand to opium as a cure for his headaches. The latter is by far the largest cut, and the most devastating for myself as Fernand is my favourite. His absence or lack of involvement in the films middle section is noticeable, and I'd also wondered why he's so silent during many of the scenes he's in, lo and behond he had many of his lines cut. But I'll focus on the opium for now as it's an entire character arc we didn't get to see, and really could have benefitted a character who is supposed to hold significance, especially as the final showdown is between him and Edmond.

The opium plot begins, as we see in the film, with Fernand experiencing a headache as he leaves the Count's house, attributed to a 'metal souvenir'. He leaves in a hurry, which the Count later brings up in our first cut scene, which was connected to the poker game:

Fernand experiences another headache at the table, leaves, and the Count follows, helping him with his ether in a move described as having a "strange intimacy." I would have loved to have seen this, the power dynamics at play are excellent - Fernand is vulnerable and insecure (so unlike his arrogant younger self,) the Count's gesture is non-judgemental and kind as he offers him a "miraculous cure." Of course this is all part of his plan, yet there's something to be said about the image of a man smothering the mouth and nose of his vulnerable enemy with cloth and not hurting him, rather helping him. The intimacy is fascinating - here are two men who grew up together, the betrayer and the betrayed, yet when you spend the first 22 years of your life together some part of that intimacy must live on, as much as you might wish it didn't, even if you don't realise it. I would have loved to see Fernand vulnerable like this, too. It adds a layer to his post timeskip character that he could have really benefitted from.

Fernand takes the count up on this offer, arriving at his house in a scene which took place after Haydée talks to Edmond about her trip to the gardens with Albert.

The cure, it turns out, is opium, and the Count leads Fernand to an opium den within the house. We have a vague idea of what this scene would have looked like from this image shared by Pierre Niney on Instagram:

The scene in its entirety:

Ross and I have analysed at length the few lines Fernand has prior to Edmond's arrest and how he absolutely felt superior to Edmond and that he (as part of the Morcerf family) is responsible for Edmond's success and therefore Edmond is forever in debt to him in his eyes. It's either impressive that they still got that feeling across with what they kept, or we think way too hard about these men, or both, but our suspicions were absolutely confirmed by Fernand's dream-memories and the way he speaks to dream-Edmond. I don't believe he ever thought Edmond was even a potential threat to his (at that point entirely nonexistent) romance with Mercédès because he did not even consider Edmond could be on the same playing field.

What's most interesting to me is this dream sequence is in Fernand's mind - it's likely he's had these dreams or thoughts so many times and this is what he tells himself: that Edmond had no right, Edmond betrayed him, it's Edmond's fault, he should have stayed in his place, he wouldn't have made Mercédès happy. Alongside this, he imagines Edmond asking him why he did it and saying he would have given his life for Fernand. It's regret and grief for a friend mixed with extreme entitlement, which ultimately wins.

The scene is quite exposition heavy in a way the film generally isn't, but the majority of the script is the same. They cut back exposition everywhere, so I believe they could have made this scene work and I wish they had. If nothing else, it would have been very fun to see the Count throttle the guy - again, there's an intense intimacy between them, with Fernand once again entirely vulnerable and this time the Count does take advantage of that. We see Edmond wasn't as ready as he thought he was to hear Fernand say such things, and the pure rush of emotion takes over. Equally, I can see why this might have had the potential to feel awkward within the narrative with the Count displaying violence towards an enemy during the middle section as opposed to the climax, however I think we do miss something by not allowing Fernand a scene with such a significance, and the dream exchange between the men is fascinating.

Furthering the intimacy, the opium plot steers us towards a world wherein the two men harbour an old (if imbalanced) care for each other which can neither be completely destroyed nor returned to. Their dialogue leading up to the final duel was intended to follow along these lines:

In the film, we have Edmond tell Fernand "You should have killed me," with Fernand replying "It's never too late." But here the thread of friendship is continued with dialogue of a very different sentiment, immediately juxtaposed by brutal fighting. Edmond's statement that he could have died for Fernand entirely backs up what Fernand imagined dream-Edmond to have felt ("I would have given my life for you.") Fernand rushing towards Edmond would have also mirrored dream-Edmond rushing at him.

The description of Fernand running up the stairs "four at a time" was also used earlier when Fernand was running to Villefort's office to save Edmond.

I am glad the wolves were removed from this scene however, it strips him back to just Edmond, who is now threatening enough on his own without the mask and character of the Count. It's a much more powerful image to see him descend the stairs alone and it's a real testament to how much he's changed.

Finally, after the duel, rather than cutting straight to Mercédès at the church, we were going to be shown the fate of the three villains:

Villefort and Danglars are entirely expected (the former can't exactly go anywhere else...) but Fernand's fate is interesting - rather than having him kill himself as he does in the book, he seems to be reliant on opium, presumably living in his memories now he is alone and disgraced.

The mention of him not wearing his eyepatch could be interpreted in a few ways, but I think this was intended to show his lack of care for his own honour and dignity, why should he care when everything's already lost? It's the cruellest fate of all for a man with such entitlement and complexes of superiority and heroism, and it's entirely deserved.

However, it should be said that a depiction of a disabled, drug addicted villain would have carried ableist connotations and overall I'm glad we didn't see what happened to him or Danglars (though there does exist a photo of the latter.)

It's impossible to estimate how much of this was even filmed, and it's unfortunately unlikely we'll ever know. We know Fernand did not leave the poker table, but we also have an image of Edmond attacking him in the opium den. My best guess would be that the decision was made some time during filming to allow either last minute changes to the script or reshoots of necessary scenes, rather than a whole cut during editing.

I'll save the rest of Fernand's cut content for another post, but the opium plot was the most significant loss and I think it's felt in how unfortunately action-less and hollow Fernand can feel at times in ways other characters don't.

#Hi you dont know how much ive been thinking about this. oh im not normal about this #excited to share all the other cut fernand stuff too they rlly silenced my boy #- 🦔#we've been analysing him to hell and back and the opium plot adds So Much #I wish they'd filmed it!!!#or just More of him #- 🦇#2024verse #LCDMC script #the count of monte cristo #le comte de monte cristo #edmond dantès #fernand de morcerf #the count of monte cristo 2024 #le comte de monte cristo 2024 #our posts

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