#i love all of my mutuals dearly even the ones i didn't mention here

[stedefxckingbonnet]

Moonlight Meetings | Izzy Hands x Reader

Summary: You knew Stede Bonnet from his days of being married to your dearest friend, Mary. Although Mary was your best friend, you were still there for Stede during his conflicting feelings about his marriage and wanting to sail the seas and explore the world and, well, become a pirate, and without judgment, too. You wished you had gone with him when he had left, but you stayed loyal to Mary. But upon Stede's return and him and Mary giving and getting the closure they mutually needed, as well as her assisting him in faking his death so he could truly go and live the life he's wanted to pursue without guilt, you do end up going with him this time. You actually reveal yourself to be a skilled navigator and trader, but even before this knowledge, the crew accepted you with open arms. Even a certain first mate who was weary at first (you are Stede's friend, after all) comes around, although you tried to take over his late night thinking spot as your own. You end up sharing said spot and looking forward to your encounters and conversations every night, even throughout the days.

Warnings: slight inconsistency with plot of OFMD (just the stuff with when Stede returns after leaving again, it's really not too evident or bothersome i don't think), some strong language, briefest mention of blood ever, some light angst, brief mentions of troubling past, brief explorations of anxiety, kissing

This honestly took me a few days to write, and Tumblr didn't save some of it, so that was frustrating, anyhow—I truly hope you all enjoy this! I enjoyed writing it. I have a few requests that I will be fulfilling hopefully tomorrow as well, or at least in the next couple of days especially after recent events if you know what I mean...I love you all so dearly and I cannot thank you enough for all the love you've shown me so far. I've enjoyed talking with you all whether it's through the comments or my inbox or even messages :) Keep the requests coming, and have a wonderful day (or night!)

Word Count: 5461

You had never fathomed that the sun could even shine this brightly. For once in your life, its beams didn't berate you but rather seemed to engulf you in a warm embrace as a sort of sendoff on your new endeavors, encouraging you, almost—reassuring you that this was in fact the right choice.

Ever since Stede had taken off to start his new life as a pirate amongst the ocean, you couldn't help but feel envious. You would have given anything to be able to do the same, to leave everything behind and start fresh, especially upon the saltwater seas. Barbados was all you had ever known and it never truly felt like your home. But even just the thought, the daydream of sailing the seas and discovering places you never imagined existed, felt like absolute bliss and paradise. You were sad to see Stede go, too, but you knew it would be good for him. You knew he would be happier than he was living here with Mary and his children, living the life his parents designed for him. You were undeniably happy for him. But you couldn't help but also be extremely jealous, too. Though of course, you would never express these feelings harshly—you really were over the moon for Stede. You just wished for something beyond the life that was handed to you, too. You knew he understood that, too.

Whenever you and Stede would whisper about his plans in corners at all of those socialite gatherings in the rare moments when no one was watching, he would always suggest for you to go with him, but you felt like you had no choice but to stay, especially with Mary. She was your dearest friend, and you felt strongly about your loyalty towards her. You'd never admit you were also terrified of your name being slandered and that your new reputation would follow you out there forever if you had left with him, at least at that time, in those circumstances.

But, Stede returned briefly, and all had been rekindled with Mary. They sincerely wished each other well, and she even helped him pull off a grandiose stunt—faking his death, and you knew that now, he was finally able to live the life he yearned for in peace and free of guilt. He killed off the Stede Bonnet of Barbados, and truly began to grow into the person he wanted to be—Stede Bonnet of the sea, The Gentleman Pirate.

Once he pulled it off, you walked over with him to the sand to send him off once again. There was a lingering moment between the two of you, both knowing that this would not be farewell.

"I'm going to ask you again," Stede started. "Do you want to come with me? Please, come with me, it's amazing out there. And the crew, oh!—you'd just love the crew! Please?"

How could you resist this time? Even before he had formally asked again, you were already on board, ready for whatever awaited you on this journey.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

The first few weeks aboard The Revenge had been nothing short of wonderful. You already felt well acquainted with your crew, and there were even a particular few you felt yourself getting closer to already, and hoped you all would continue to. But there were parts of it that were terrifying, too—it would hit you in the most out of nowhere moments that you just up and left your last life. It's not like anything, let alone anyone was waiting for you back there, but nonetheless it shocked you from time to time that you had even left. You felt like an entirely new person—you knew that in your core you were still you, but your identity felt a bit lost in this new environment somewhere. You hardly mourned this, as you were excited to explore a new you, but that didn't erase the fact that it was frightening. There were nights where you found yourself confiding in Stede about this for hours, but you eventually stopped as you noticed Ed would already be in his quarters when you arrived and you wanted to give them privacy. Still, you couldn't stand to be alone in your own quarters, but you weren't sure which of your crew mates' doors you could knock on just yet. The only place left was to check out the main deck, see if there were any nooks and crannies you may have missed.

After a few minutes of searching, you found the perfect spot—you couldn't really be seen by anyone else on the deck, if anyone decided to walk onto it, but you could still stare out at the water and the moonlight. The moon's reflection rippling across the ocean was one of your favorite sights—it brought you such peace, so you were honestly glad that you strayed from being holed up in Stede's room and wound up here instead. You were about to sit when you felt someone else's presence beside you. You jumped, immediately turning around to see who it was, your hand instinctively reaching for your sword.

"It's just me," Izzy sighed. "You can put your fucking sword away. Just me.

You let out a sigh of relief upon the sight of the first mate. You knew that his presence unsettled, or really just annoyed the others, but not you. His presence made you feel safe and looked after, even if he was a bit harsh a lot of the time.

"This is my spot, you know," he sighed once again.

"Your spot?"

"It's where I come to think every single night, even when I'm not on watch," he explained to you surprisingly patiently.

"Do you want me to leave?" you pondered, almost frantically. You didn't want to feel like you had invaded yet another space. You knew you would start spiraling, start thinking that maybe there wasn't a place for you aboard The Revenge. And honestly, Izzy wanted to be alone, but the look on your face almost pierced through his heart. He didn't have the heart to tell you off.

"You don't have to," he shrugged, sitting down beside you. "It's fine."

You both stared out at the sea. You were beyond grateful to have some company, honestly—company beyond the moon itself. Not long after, a sigh escaped your own lips. Izzy tried to fight off the urge to talk to you, but he couldn't deny that he felt so drawn to you, even when you first arrived on the ship.

"Something wrong?" he finally asked, glancing at you out of the corner of his eye. He intended to keep you in his periphery.

"I guess I've just been feeling kind of like an outsider," you shrugged, continuing. "Being here is all I've ever wanted and more, but I just feel like such a burden to everyone all the time. I don't really have anyone to talk to, and even when Stede left our village, I only had one friend. Now I just feel even more alone...It's silly, I know."

"It's not," Izzy protested. "I get it. I do."

"You do?"

Izzy nodded. "You don't ever see me talking to anyone, do you?"

You paused to ponder. "Not unless they need something."

"Exactly."

"Do you ever get lonely, Izzy?"

Such an innocent inquiry was enough to almost make Izzy's heart stop. Looking at you from the corner of his eye wasn't enough anymore. He turned his head to face you, witnessing the genuine expression on your face. You truly cared, and you truly wanted to know. No one had ever looked at Izzy this way before, and he wasn't sure of how it was supposed to make him feel—frustrated? Sad? Sorry? Joyous, even? He subtly put his gloved hand upon his chest, thinking somehow it would slow his quickly-paced heartbeat. He wasn't used to this, he couldn't even believe this was happening. He even felt he was reading too much into this—but, you cared, and he knew it right away. He didn't know what to do with that. But it was a pleasant feeling, teetering on bittersweet. Upon realizing your question was still hanging in the air, he quickly spoke again, his mind not exactly in sync with his mouth.

"I suppose."

Izzy's response hung in the air just as your query had. It felt relieving to put such a thing out into the universe, but it also felt dreadful facing this reality. Was this the reason behind the occasionally random sharp pains in his chest, almost reminiscent of someone stabbing him right through his heart with a sword? These physical sensations never came without a looming feeling of gloominess, after all. He almost exhaled at the thought. He wasn't sure whether or not he was ready to explore any of this, let alone if he even wanted to do so. His gaze was still fixated on you, as if he were awaiting to hear something from you as well. For once in his life, hope could be seen in his eyes, though he didn't know it.

Finally, you spoke. "I'll be the moon."

A laugh almost boomed from Izzy's chest. "What?"

"I'll be here every night, if you'll have me. If there's ever a particularly hard day, just remember that the moon will rise at the end of the day and be there for you to lament all your sorrows to," you stood up by this point, speaking sort of dramatically, but it was apparent that you meant it sincerely. "And even during the day, did you know you can still see the moon? So, I'll be there during the day, too."

Izzy was in complete and utter disbelief in the best way possible. He was truly at a loss for words, and he swore his head was going to hurt from how much he was nodding. You smiled at this sight, and held your hand out to help Izzy up. He looked at you, confusing written all over his expression, but you kept your hand there. Finally, he allowed himself to put his hand in yours and before he knew it, he was back on his feet again, in more ways than one.

"Goodnight, Izzy."

"Right. Yes. Goodnight."

The thought of Izzy didn't leave your mind even as you retreated to your quarters, nor when you succumbed to sleep for the remainder of the night's reign. Little did you know that Izzy thought of you, too. That you weren't just going to be his moonlight, but also, his sunshine. But he didn't know that just yet.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

You rose right as the sun did the next day, never having been more ready to take on a day until now. Something was even more enchanting about watching the transition of grey hues into orange into light blue, but this process in reverse would always have your heart. The rest of the crew woke up shortly after you, some still yawning, some stumbling upon the main deck from exhaustion. You couldn't help but giggle at such sights. None other than Izzy Hands followed behind them and your heart almost skipped a beat. Usually when this happened it was because you were overcome with worry, but, not this time and you knew that deep down. When you swore no one else was looking, you glanced over and sent a grin his way, to which he slightly returned—blinked, and you would have missed it. Your smile grew even larger, and you had to turn away to conceal it. Before you knew it, you felt a pair of hands on your shoulders, causing you to gasp.

"Someone's chipper this morning."

"Stede!" you exclaimed, laughing so hard that your stomach would probably hurt later. You swiveled around to face him. "Scared the ever living shit out of me."

"Sorry about that," Stede couldn't help but chuckle. "I just wanted to check in with you...are you feeling happy here? You settling in okay? I know it's a lot to just up and leave your life."

"Honestly, I've never been better," you admitted, your smile still existing upon you. And your smile was radiant—it had almost everyone's head turns toward you, their hearts feeling warm. Even Izzy. Especially Izzy. "I am so glad I did this. I regret not joining you sooner, but I—"

"I know," Stede jumped in to assure you, which you were endlessly grateful for. He knew of your tendency to spiral, and he wanted to cultivate a space where you didn't feel like you had to do so. "And I admire your loyalty. It's been an asset on this ship so far."

You sent a glance of gratitude his way before he walked off upon the sight of Ed emerging from his quarters, finally. You laughed as they made their ways over to one another. You were beyond happy to see your dear friend so happy, so in love. So in his element, where he truly belonged.

"Everyone, get to work!" Izzy suddenly shouted, to which the crew immediately scurried off to their designated areas. This didn't startle you, though. You made your way over to the kitchen to assist Roach in organizing the rations, accidentally brushing hands with Izzy as you did. You stopped in your tracks and looked at him from over your shoulder. He was looking at you, too, the smallest smile on his face. He couldn't look away, even though he wanted to just in case his face flushed or he smiled any further or, gods forbid, anyone else saw. You weren't afraid to keep smiling, and after what felt like forever of engaging in this staring match with the first mate, you finally ducked into the kitchen, so as not to keep Roach waiting. If you had, he would know something happened and he would pester you about it for the rest of your life.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Night fell sooner than you could realize it and for that, you were entirely grateful. You had been distracted the entirety of the day; the thought of whatever you and Izzy may have to share later dancing around in your mind, causing your heart to do pirouettes whenever you daydreamed about it. You almost couldn't even wait until everyone was asleep—but you knew this would run the risk of revealing your and Izzy's secret spot, and that would be less than ideal for the both of you. The last thing you wanted was to ruin a good thing that was only just beginning to blossom.

But tonight, Izzy was early. He found himself inhabited in the very same spot as the previous night, just as he had promised. Without a word, you plopped down right beside him, sending one of your signature smiles his way.

"I've never wished a day away like I had today," you laughed breathlessly.

"Nor have I. Yet, here we are." You could tell that there wasn't resentment behind Izzy's statement, but rather, a sort of joy. You discreetly moved a bit closer to him, your knees almost brushing against one another. Izzy also moved toward you at the same time, causing said collision. You were grateful for the dark concealing the rose tint creeping upon your cheeks. Izzy was grateful for the dark concealing the smile creeping upon his lips.

Izzy exhaled almost sharply, preparing to speak again, really speak. "I don't mean to scare off the crew, you know."

"I don't think you scare them one bit," you were quick to reassure him. "It's just how times were in the time where you sailed with Blackbeard, right?"

Izzy nodded almost rapidly, in utter shock that you already had such a good read on him. "Times were different, that's for sure."

"I can tell you care," you told him sincerely. "You just have a way of showing it that the crew isn't used to. I mean, they have Stede fucking Bonnet as one of their captains."

Izzy didn't hesitate to laugh at that. "Yeah. Stupid fucking Stede Bonnet...but what was it like?"

"What was what like?"

"Being a part of...that world. His world."

You rolled your eyes somewhat playfully. "It was...a lot, all at once. Lots of uncomfortable clothes, powder on my face that made me look sickly but everyone would swear I was beautiful. But I never felt like a real fucking person. Ever. It was honestly exhausting."

Izzy listened intently, leaning in a bit to further demonstrate this. He nodded as you spoke, nods that spoke: I understand. That does sound like a lot. That does sound exhausting. It's amazing that you left that life behind. You're destined for so much more than what you were given. But all Izzy could manage to say, was, "No wonder you left. That sounded awful." He was mentally punching himself for not thinking of anything better to say. You deserved words in which were beautifully and artfully strung together. He knew that.

But, you laughed, knowing he empathized just by the way he looked at you. You were no stranger to these sorts of glances—sure, no one had ever looked at you that way before, but it was all you read about in your favorite romance novels, described so vividly that once you did encounter a moment like this, you would immediately recognize it, and, you did. "I'm better now. Much better. Where I need to be."

Once again, Izzy nodded. "You've been a great addition to this crew."

"Really?" you asked, almost in disbelief, but you were flattered to say the very least.

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it." To anyone else, this would have sounded harsh. To you, these were the most reassuring words you had ever heard. He looked over at you, insecurity rushing through his bloodstream and you could see this. Even in the light of the moon, you could see the paleness of Izzy's face.

"Thank you, Izzy." You spoke sincerely, and suddenly all pigment re-entered Izzy's once ghostly features. Such words felt so foreign and out of reach for him, until you had confidently brought them into existence. From you, this declaration wasn't a whisper—he could tell that you meant it with your entire heart. He couldn't even recall the last time someone had shown him a shred of gratitude, or if anyone ever had at all before this. Just those three words were enough to send warmth all throughout his body even as the breeze threatened to send shivers down both of your spines and force you underneath the warmth of your blankets in your respective quarters. This would be a warmth that would carry on every time he saw you from this point on—you would be the start to the fireplace in his heart, and part of him knew this was going to begin to happen from this moment forward. As long as you were going to be around, he knew he would at least never be entirely freezing again.

All Israel Hands could manage to do now was look at you. There were stars in his eyes paired tears hat threatened to cascade down his cheeks like waterfalls and he hoped so much that you weren't able to see, that the moon would spare him at least a bit. But you so badly wanted to reach out and wipe away the water from the corners of his eyes, though you wanted his complete trust even more, and that seemed like the last way to get it, at least this early on.

"My eyes just get dry," Izzy quickly defended in case you had seen anything.

You stifled a quiet laugh. "It is pretty windy out here."

"So, see you tomorrow, then?"

"Tomorrow," you confirmed, not even trying to conceal the corners of your lips rising to form a smile.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Tomorrow's would unfold every single night, not one ever missed. There were even a few nights that you happened to be in the midst of a cold but you insisted to be in your spot with Izzy, to which he would protest and you would compromise by allowing your meetings to happen in your quarters as he got Roach to make you soup, and you were better within the next few days. And even on the days where Izzy felt like absolutely screaming and cursing at the world, perhaps directing this to Blackbeard and Stede, he would still eagerly await your time together—it would be beyond enough to get him through those days.

It had now been quite some time since these meetings began. You were really beginning to solve the riddle that was Izzy Hands, and you quite liked what you were finding, and it only made you yearn to uncover even more. But, there were many nights and even days spent where you worried—worried that perhaps Izzy was ashamed of the connection that you two had formed, and that was why your encounters took place at night. Or, perhaps he was just lonely, or he had nothing better to do. You did your best to push these thoughts to the back of your mind but you usually had no luck. And, it was even harder to deny the blossoming feelings you had for the man.

Even before the first time you two had really conversed, you knew there was something about the first mate that you were drawn to, and these nights with Izzy had only confirmed that.

Little did you know that the same fears, and probably even more, existed within Izzy. Of all the people in the crew, why had you taken interest in him? He knew that even Stede Bonnet was probably of more interest, with his fancy wears and his everlasting bookshelves. Or Frenchie perhaps, with his instrument and his voice that the crew never got sick of hearing. Or Lucius with his sketches and his wit. Or hell, even Blackbeard himself, with all of the anecdotes he had up his sleeve—but why him? Why Israel Hands? This thought often plagued him to the point where his head would begin to hurt just a bit, and whenever it did (and, you knew when it did—he wasn't the best at hiding the wincing at all), he would just cake it to the changes in weather, or something that had happened that day, or even not drinking enough water. You always knew these excuses were, well, excuses, but you also knew it wasn't best to press.

Sometimes, part of Izzy wished that you would press. It was you, so he wouldn't mind as much. It wasn't likely that he would pour out his concerns, but he would appreciate yours.

As soon as you arose, you already spotted Black Pete and Lucius, who absolutely qualified for the cutest couple award, if there were such a thing—you wouldn't be surprised if Stede had established that just for them. But, your heart sank just a bit, knowing you couldn't express your growing love for Izzy like that. You weren't even sure you would know if he returned your feelings, and the last thing you wanted to do was ruin such a beautiful thing between the both of you with such knowledge, especially if he truly didn't feel the same. But every morning, your heart would ache, and it became harder and harder to keep all of this love to yourself. You wanted more than anything for it to pour out of you like a fountain that never stopped flowing. You reserved such ardor for Izzy and Izzy alone. Never had you carried such affection, such fondness for another, and not only did that excite you, but it also scared the hell out of you.

The crew noticed this after the first few weeks—oh, you were far from subtle. You practically glowed whenever Izzy entered a room, even if you appeared completely composed.

Finally, Izzy rose from his quarters and your heart leapt in your chest. You couldn't hold it in anymore, and there was no way you were waiting for the moon to rise tonight. You waltzed right over to Izzy, gently pulling him aside. He didn't resist your touch at all—it felt almost familiar, and peaceful.

"Do you have a moment?" you suddenly asked.

"For you? Always. For anything else? Probably not," he chuckled.

Before you were about to speak once again, Stede had announced that the ship had docked. You sighed, slumping against the railing that you and Izzy were propped up against.

"Can it wait?" Izzy asked you sheepishly, his eyes apologizing.

"Oh. Yes. Yes, it can," you sighed.

"Not for long," Izzy assured you as he rushed off in order to ensure the ship's safe docking. It only took a few moments before he gestured for you to follow him off of the ship. You perked up at this, grabbing your satchel and running over to him.

"So, what is it you wanted to talk about?" he asked as you walked along the pathway of the Republic of Pirates.

"I...It's nothing. Not here, at least."

"Then where?" Izzy sent a playful smile your way.

"Could we actually head back to the ship? Just for a moment?"

Izzy pondered this—for just a moment. "I suppose no one would really notice, and if they did, they wouldn't care all that much."

This time, Izzy followed you. You were already beginning to regret this quite a bit, and beads of sweat were forming upon your temple. You wiped them away carefully, fanning yourself with your hand. You led Izzy to your shared spot, barely being able to breathe. Nor was Izzy with the way you were practically running back, and he had to do his best to keep up the pace. But the thought that something could be wrong was beginning to plague him.

"I couldn't wait until tonight," you finally admit, nervous laughter bubbling out of you.

"Most days, I can't either," Izzy sent a reassuring, but equally as nervous smile your way. "All of the time, actually."

All you could manage to do was sit there and just glow. You glowed underneath the sun's beams and the sight of it made Izzy absolutely melt, and not from the heat.

"Is everything alright? Just wanted to talk?"

Your eyes stayed fixated upon the man before you, the person whom you carried so much love for that it almost overflowed out of you. And, it was no secret that you had never felt this way about anyone before, and Stede Bonnet himself could and would be overjoyed to confirm it. You were often urged to find some sort of attachment toward a plethora of potential "worthy" suitors, but none of them ever caught your eye, nor had much to offer you despite all of their pleas. You always had this feeling deep down that none of them were truly suitable, and so you bore no hesitation saving yourself and your heart for someone that was. And Israel Hands was beyond anything you had ever dreamed of. He suited you so perfectly. He was worthy of all of the love in the world and so much more—you just hoped yours was enough for him. You hoped he would want any of it—it was his if he did.

And oh, did he want it. He yearned for you. Izzy's heart ached when the two of you were forced to retreat to your quarters after hours of conversation. He could spend forever just sitting there with you, his arm wrapped around you as you witnessed the sky's change every day, together. To him, that would be absolute paradise. Every second he spent with you, and even when you were apart, he knew in his heart that he held this special sort of feeling for you. Dare he call it love, as he didn't want his heart to shatter into a million pieces that he wouldn't be able to pick up. But, you were it for him, and he knew that deep down. He could see it in your eyes, or at least, he hoped that was what he was seeing. You did look at him with stars in your eyes, and you knew that.

"Please, don't hate me," you started, biting your lip so harshly that it almost drew blood.

"Hate you?" Izzy repeated, absolutely puzzled. "I couldn't hate you even if I tried."

You inhaled so sharply that you almost choked on air. You laughed it off, though Izzy instinctively placed his arm on the small of your back, tracing small patterns into it. With this, you collapsed into his arms and he was already set up to catch you. Sobs escaped your lips as he moved one of his hands to the back of your head, running his fingers through your hair in an attempt to hopefully soothe you. These weren't instincts he was familiar with, yet, he felt as if he was meant to do these things. "You can tell me. Take your time, of course," he assured you as you continued to cry. After a moment, you managed to compose yourself a bit and you felt okay enough to pull away, but Izzy kept his hands on your upper arms gently, just in case. He was really starting to grow concerned, his stomach churning.

"You won't hate me?"

Izzy laughed, to which you managed the smallest of smiles. "I could never."

"I...I feel very connected to you, Izzy," you began. "And our conversations have really confirmed that for me. I don't just think about you at night before we talk—do you know that? You are the first thing that enters my mind each morning and then I can't wait to see you, really see you and talk to you and be close to you. And some days on this ship are hard, Izzy, but you make things so much easier. You take so much weight off of my shoulders."

"The thought of getting to talk to you gets me out of bed every day," Izzy admitted. "I've been doing this a long time and sometimes I don't know what it's all for anymore, why I even bother. But if I get to see your smile, it's all worth it."

You swore you were about to become a blubbering mess if you opened your mouth to speak at all. As you took a step forward towards him, your fingers intertwining as you approached. His other hand gently landed upon your waist, and your eyes met at the same second. The gap between you both was too much, too much, and neither of you could take its existence anymore—he gently reeled you in and you pressed your lips against his. He quietly gasped in surprise, though it was quickly followed by a sort of sigh of relief as he returned your kiss, returned your sentiments. You smiled against his lips and he couldn't help but do the same, there was no denying that your smile was contagious. He felt as if he were meant to do this, meant to show you such tenderness and care and love. And you would do anything in your power to show him that he was worthy of all of yours.

"I..." Izzy whispered against your lips. "I love you." The words almost got stuck in his throat—they felt unfamiliar, and unfamiliar was rarely not terrifying or dreadful. Right now, unfamiliar was exhilarating. Those three words were the truest he had ever spoken. You lit up more than the sun, the stars, and the moon combined.

"I love you, Israel." You had saved those three words for someone special, someone whom you truly adored without any question, and Izzy happened to be that someone. Anyone else would never, ever compare. He engulfed you in another embrace, your shirt becoming slightly stained by his tears. "I was meant to."

"Meant to what?"

"I was meant to love you. Made for it, probably," you laughed.

Izzy took hold of your hand once again, disentangling himself from your embrace to face you. With his free hand, he cupped your cheek and his thumb caressed it softly. "I think perhaps the moon knew to bring us together. But I loved...I loved you even before then. Or at least, I had a strong feeling I was going to. That, I'm certain about."

"Think we still have some time before everyone notices we're gone?" you asked, hope wavering in your voice.

"Oh, we've got ample long as they're at Spanish Jackie's," he couldn't help but chuckle. "We've got all the time in the world, my love."

"All of the time in the world," you repeated. "I love the sound of that."

[eternalera]

in the name of science!!

viktor and jinx are friends and are completing a science project together... although it turns into a gossip session (courtesy of jinx)

1k+ words

"So... are we gonna talk about it?" Jinx leans back in her swivel chair, almost threatening to tip it over and for a second Viktor considers tipping it over himself because of course Jinx mentions it. She never did have any clue what 'personal space' was, or maybe she did and just preferred bothering him. Honestly it could really go either way for her, and for him. The pestering was rather mutual.

He sets down his wrench and pushes the metal object that was previously in his hands aside. They were trying to make an energy generation machine, something that involved the physics of perpetual motion to create energy more easily, but apparently that is going to have to wait.

"Talk about what?" Viktor tilts his head as he turns it to look at her, mocking confusion. Maybe she doesn't even remember, well he could hope at least.

Jinx scoffs, blowing a tuft of blue hair out from her face. "The whole 'Viktor, you're my best friend!' 'Oh, how I couldn't do this without you!' 'I love you so dearly' 'Nothing in the entire world can ever compare to your genius!' " she mocked in a (rather bad) Jayce impression.

"That wasn't a very good impression," Viktor points out. If she's gonna be like this then might as well return the favor

"Pfft- alright-"

"You just vaguely lowered your voice,"

"Alright-"

"I think Vi does it better,"

Jinx got up from her chair and pushed Viktor almost out of his but he caught himself (on his bad leg, whether or not that was on purpose though is a mystery to him).

"Alright, that's enough. We're talking about Jayce here, not my impression of him-"

"Of course not, I could hardly even tell that it was him in the first place-"

"I'm going to push you out of your chair Vik,"

Viktor smiles at her innocently and looks back to their device, touching it as if he were examining it but not actually doing so. He knew what she was talking about. Jinx was convinced he and Jayce had something... a little more friendly going on, to put it into words. Something that he knew not to be true, and something he didn't like entertaining because he knew it not to be so.

"There's nothing to talk about,"

"Really? You could just stand in a dark corner and he'd find a way to praise you for it," Jinx crosses her arms, looking down on him. Viktor opens his mouth to respond before shutting it, he knows that it's the truth because he's practically done it before, giving a speech and then afterwards telling Viktor how helpful it was to have him there as support.

He did nothing the entire time, just watched.

"See! You're not even arguing!"

"Jinx this is due tomorrow we have to get this done-"

"Eh, I'll finish it later," she shrugs it off without a second thought -- typical -- and instead sits on the floor looking up at him smugly. "Anyways let's focus on the main point," she emphasizes.

"There is nothing between us-"

"And my name's Powder," Jinx hisses in retaliation.

Viktor looks at her and narrows his eyes. He might regret what he's going to say next but fuck it. It's nothing that she's not used to by this point.

"Technically it is-" he barely finishes his words before he's tugged down to the floor aggressively with no concern about his leg at all and jinx pointing one of her brightly colored nails in his face.

"Watch it legs,"

Viktor scoffs at the remark. Nothing they haven't said to each other before. She lets him go and he adjusts his seating to something more comfortable.

"You owe me now. Spill, do you find Mr. Golden Boy attractive, and if so why the hell are your standards so low?" It sounds more like a statement than anything. "Because he's attracted to you and at this point I'm gonna start making bets about when the two of you are gonna end up together-"

"That's never going to happen," Viktor says, a little too quickly, but he sees Jinx's confused face and decides that he should give her an answer. "I'm pretty sure that he likes Mel,"

"Mel!?" Jinx half shouts, there's a look in her eyes that makes Viktor regret everything. He just hopes that Mel can survive the constant teasing from Jinx, then again, she is strong. "The one in the debate club? The one on the student council?" She scoffs and this time flicks her hair out of her face. "She is way out of his league,"

Viktor looks at her in disbelief before-- wait.

"Did you just imply that I’m easy?” Viktor stares at her before Jinx shakes her head.

“I just asked you why your standards were so low earlier idiot,” She leans on her hands, placing them behind her back. “I- quit changing the subject!” She hissed leaning forward and slamming her hands down on the floor dramatically.

Viktor sighs and looks away trying to find an excuse when one came to him (and rather conveniently), his phone rang. He picked it up seeing Jayce’s contact, something that Jinx sensed and instantly began trying to grab the phone afterwards. Luckily though he picked up before she could hang up and continue their little session or whatever that was.

“Viktor! I’m so glad that you picked up! I was wondering if you could meet up right now possibly, I have this really cool new idea and I kinda need your help with it,” Jayce spits out rather quickly.

Viktor looks over to Jinx who’s looking over to their project (which she stopped doing) as if it was a reason to get him to stay with her. It’s safe to say that he wasn’t convinced.

“Yeah, I’ll be right over,”

“Yes! Thank you Viktor,”

“Of course, just send me the address,” Viktor hangs up, getting a rather annoyed look from Jinx. “What? He needs my help.” Viktor shrugs as if he wasn’t looking for an excuse to avoid their earlier conversation.

“Uh uh, whatever, I’m finishing it I guess?” she asks, pointing over to it. Viktor nods rushing out the door.

“Thanks!” He calls out.

“No problem, just tell me if anything spicy happens-”

“Nevermind,”

He hears her laughter on the way out the door.

[jinhyun]

↬part two

"then I think about summer, all the beautiful times

i watched you laughin' from the passenger's side"

pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader

genre: written series, angst, fluff, friends to lovers to exes to lovers, she fell first but he fell harder, yearning, mutual pining, non-idol au, baker!y/n, movie producer!hyunjin.

word count: 11.3k

warnings: y/n has self-sabotaging tendencies, cursing, mentions of alcohol, eventual smut, mature content, MINORS DNI!!!

tag list: open. send me an ASK to be a part of it, otherwise i might miss it. i will only be adding people who are willing to reblog the chapters and/or comment on them, because it does take time out of my day to tag everyone and likes or straight up cricket noises do nothing for me in return if i'm honest.

a/n: helloo, it's been a long time but here we are again with a new part. this turned out longer than i expected and i apologise, but i wanted to mainly show how these two got together and how it was that things started off for them, as well as how the dynamic of their friend group used to be before everything went down. in other words, and as you can see in the verse of the song i quoted, this part's gonna be more on the fluffy side (but not completely lol), so i hope you enjoy this small part of their story!

feedback is very dearly appreciated<3

You had never been a big fan of packing, but you were quite excited about the trip with your friends the next day. To be honest, you did not used to be a big fan of camping either, until that first year in college when summer came and Jeongin mentioned this one place he and his family used to go camping when he was little.

Everyone was so excited about it that you couldn't say no. Seungmin wouldn't have let you miss out on it and abandon him anyway.

And, in the end, you were glad you hadn't stayed home instead. It turned out to be a really precious bonding time for all of you, to the point that you all agreed to make it a summer vacation tradition — every single year of college, without missing a beat, all eleven of you would drive outside the city and ventour into the forest to have what you liked to call your much needed healing time.

Although the entirety of your friend group had graduated college last year, you had promised to keep making time for your yearly camping trip.

Minji hadn't been able to keep that promise that particular year, given she got an internship in the States and had left a little over a month and a half before summer started. She had promised over and over before leaving that she would most definitely make it next year, and you were all counting on that.

You were sad that she wouldn't make it, for now you would only have Hyejin to fight the potentially annoying male species you'd be hanging out with.

And there was also the fact that you thought Hyunjin wouldn't feel like going anymore. Sure, he would go, for he had promised and he loved spending time with all of you, but a part of you believed he wouldn't be the same since Minji wouldn't be there — that he wouldn't be as eager about the trip as he always was.

It was the way he hugged her and visibly didn't want to let go when you had all gone to send her off and she was about to walk through security. After witnessing that, you had convinced yourself that Hyunjin wouldn't be himself until she came back.

You had decided to give him space. You knew you'd be the same if you ever lost Seungmin, and that without being in love with him. 

It would be good for you, too. Giving Hyunjin space and letting him find himself without his beloved best friend meant not seeing him for a while, and therefore, finally being able to focus on moving on from your stupid crush on him.

Only that you wanting to give him space didn't exactly mean he wanted to take that space away from you. So you knew when not even a week after Minji's departure he was calling you up to hang out.

Most of your friends would be there, minus Felix and Hyejin, who had already made plans alone, so you accepted. It had started out just like that, at least — hanging out with your group of friends, the way you always had. But now his attention was only on you, and his eyes would oh-so-naturally fix on you like it was their default target.

It didn't stop there. Hanging out with everyone else yet only focusing on you turned into making plans for just the two of you. You had been ecstatic the first time he asked you out — as friends, of course. He had a shitty day at work and wanted to go out for some coffee, but he didn't feel like being around a large group of people. You accepted in a heartbeat, so happy about getting to spend some time alone with him that you completely forgot about the whole 'getting over him' goal you had going on.

So happy to finally get the attention you wanted from him, that you didn't stop for one second to think whether he would be asking you to get some coffee with him if Minji were still here.

But it didn't matter, because one coffee date turned into two, and then two turned into three. Friendly dates turned into 'oh, maybe this is not so friendly' ones. Sunset walks turned into watching movies at either one of your places. Late night calls on the days you didn't get to see each other turned into texting all throughout the day, every day; which led to getting goodnight and good morning text messages with definitely-not-so-friendly hearts attached to them.

Just like that, Hyunjin was just as eager as every other year to go on this trip. And you? God, you couldn't wait for the day to arrive so you could spend even more time with him. You were mainly expectant of the bonfire at night — you had always loved the way the fire illuminated his factions from afar. He always managed to look extra cozy and your heart would flutter with every single glimpse. This year, though, you hoped you'd get to sit next to him, and maybe, if you were lucky enough, you'd get to share a blanket with him; as childish as it sounded.

Your daydreaming got interrupted by your phone buzzing on your night table, making you jump from your bed to pick it up and then feel your heart do a backflip when you read Hyunjin's name on the screen.

Fixing your hair as fast as you could and making sure your face looked presentable enough for him to see, you answered his video call. 

"Hey, cutie" he greeted as soon as your face was visible on the screen.

You smiled timidly, feeling the heat reach your cheeks at the sound of that simple pet name. "You do realise it's midnight, don't you?"

"You answered anyway" he smirked triumphantly, earning a roll of eyes from you. "Why? Did I wake you?"

"No," you shook your head, looking down to your packed bag on your bed. "I was kinda going through everything I needed to pack, to make sure I won't forget anything".

"Well, in case you forgot to pack mosquito repellent like last year, I'm glad to inform you I've kindly packed some for you".

A small, breathy laugh escaped your mouth. "Why, thank you" you brought a dramatic hand to your chest. "Did I really traumatize you last year for that to be the first thing to come to mind when packing for me?"

"I wouldn't say traumatized…" he mumbled, looking down to what you guessed was his bag, as he unzipped it. "But you did make me so fucking worried when you came out of your tent that morning all covered in mosquito bites, so…"

Watching him show the repellent bottle to the camera, you couldn't help the throaty laugh that ran past your mouth this time, hearing him follow along the moment the sound you made reached his ears.

"You really didn't have to…"

"Did you remember to pack it this time?" he tested you.

"No, but—but," you quickly emphasized at the sight of his daring eyes. "Minnie always brings some. I was just too lazy to go up to his tent at night when I realised I hadn't asked him for it last year. I didn't think it would be that bad".

"Well, now you've got your own personal bottle of it" he pointed out, stuffing it back into his bag. "So no need to go to his tent if you forget to ask him for it again".

Too enchanted by that thoughtful act of service of his, you didn't realise you were staring until he blushed and cleared his throat.

"What?" he shyly asked.

"Huh?" you snapped out of it.

"I don't know, I… you weren't like, saying anything and—"

"Oh, no, I just…" you felt your cheeks burn once again. "Thank you. You're cute".

He laughed breathily, almost inaudibly. "I'm cute?"

"You know what I mean" you glared.

"I'd like to think you mean something else, though…"

You needed to take a deep, rather shaky, breath at that. Keeping yourself composed was not an easy thing to do when he said things like that.

"So, um… What were you calling for?"

He shrugged, letting you get away with your change of subject and lying back on his mattress. "Just wanted to talk to you".

"At midnight?" you raised an eyebrow.

"Got a problem with it?"

"Not really," you chuckled. "But we're seeing each other in a couple of hours, in case you forgot".

"Oh, I'm well aware of it," he nodded, tiredly placing an arm over his eyes. "Still wanted to talk to you before going to bed".

"Clingy" you teased.

The smile that curved up the corners of his plump lips made you wish you were there with him, lying your head on his chest and playing with his hair, instead of having to settle down for seeing him through a screen.

"It's gonna be a different trip this time around, huh?" you mumbled after a few seconds in which silence had taken over.

"Yeah…" he agreed quietly, removing his arm from his face and lying on his side. "It's gonna be weird without Minji".

You hummed in response. "I'll only have Hyejin to fight you guys now, and that's when she and Lix aren't all over each other".

"You'll have me, though" he smiled innocently.

You snorted. "Please, you'd drop me in a heartbeat to join the guys when they pick on me".

"That is so not true" he argued, squinting his eyes at you.

"I guess we'll see what happens when the time comes," you taunted him. "You think you'll still be able to have as much fun?"

"You mean without Minji?"

You nodded silently, bracing yourself for the answer you didn't want to know yet had not been able to stop yourself from asking about.

"Sure," he nodded confidently, making your heart feel at ease. "I've got you, it's gonna be just as fun".

"You think so?" you whispered.

"Of course!" he reassured you. "Let's go in the same car tomorrow, we can sit together and share earphones".

"I'm taking Changbin's car" you pointed out.

"Cool," he nodded. "I'll let him know I'm taking his too, then".

"No but, you know what that means, right?"

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Not really…"

You chuckled. "It means he'll make me go on the passenger seat so I can lead the way for him, since he always seems to miss the entrance to the camping site".

"Can't he have someone else to do it?"

"He doesn't really trust any of the guys when it comes to giving directions," you shook your head. "And I respect him for it, honestly. Last time we had Felix give out directions we nearly ended up in Busan".

He puffed his cheeks cutely, in a way that had your heart melting in a second. "Good thing Airpods are a thing then. We can still share".

"And miss Binnie's carpool?"

"You know what, if you hate me just say so".

A throaty laugh escaped your mouth at his salty remark, staring at him through the screen in such a loving way that for a second there you feared he would realise your feelings for him.

"I guess we can share Airpods" you rolled your eyes in amusement, having him happily laugh under his breath. "Don't be too surprised when I start singing along to whatever Binnie's playing on the radio, though".

"I will feel slightly neglected but I get it" he sighed overdramatically.

Covering the yawn coming out of your mouth with your hand, you sleepily stared at him on the screen. "We should go to sleep now…"

"Are you trying to get rid of me now?"

"I'm sleepy..."

"But you look so cute like that" he cooed.

"It's nearly one in the morning, Hwang Hyunjin" you tried your best to sound stern and hide your smile. "We leave at seven".

"Alright," he sighed once more, closing his eyes. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?"

You nodded, a small smile making its way on your face. "See you tomorrow, Hyunie".

He smiled blissfully. "See you tomorrow, cutie".

-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-♡

"Can we stop to get some food?" Seungmin asked from the backseat.

You laughed over Changbin's heavy sigh next to you. It had only been half an hour since you left Seoul, and there was still another hour to go, yet you couldn’t say you were entirely surprised over your best friend’s request.

The trip had been smooth so far, way too smooth — Changbin and Jeongin loudly singing to any song that came on the playlist being the only sense of disruption in the car. You remained silently staring out the window, lightly bopping your head to the beat of the music coming from the Airpod you were sharing with Hyunjin. It was a funny contrast, having Binnie and Innie singing at the top of their lungs to nothing but upbeat songs, while Hyunjin and you listened to slower, calmer ones and quietly stared at the passing scenery outside.

The somewhat balanced atmosphere you all had managed to create was just bound to be disrupted by your best friend at some point.

"I asked you all if you wanted to stop for food before hitting the highway and you said you wanted to have breakfast at the camping site".

Seungmin pouted, childishly sinking against his seat and crossing his arms over his chest. "I wanted to live the full camping experience, but I take it back now, I'm hungry".

"Well, too bad because I'm not stopping until we get there".

Hearing Seungmin whine behind you in what sounded more like a tantrum, you couldn't help but laugh, staring at him through the rearview mirror before your eyes unconsciously fixed on Hyunjin by the window. He was laughing over your best friend's scene too, and his eyes were already on you. You held his stare through the reflection for a moment, enjoying the sight of his smile and the sound of his giggle before you looked down in a poor attempt to calm your racing heart.

Clearing your throat, you reached down to the backpack by your feet and rummaged through it until you found the snacks you had packed that morning before heading out, precisely in case something like this happened.

Without a word, you reached your hand behind your seat, giggling to yourself when you felt the pack of cookies being snatched from your hold not even a second later.

"You're the best, I swear to God" Seungmin managed to say with his mouth already full. "You better be selling these at our coffee shop once we open it".

You chuckled. "I will".

"Wait, those are homemade?" Jeongin asked from the middle seat.

"Mhm…" you nodded, leaning slightly back when he peeked his head through your seat.

"You have more?"

"Take some from Seungm—"

"No way, they're mine" Seungmin growled.

Rolling your eyes, you leaned down to your backpack once more, defeatedly looking for another bag of cookies you had thankfully packed as well.

"These are double chocolate chips," you let Jeongin know as you handed them to him. "Please share them with Hyunjin in case he wants some".

"I do want some!" he stated from behind, having your amused eyes instinctively fix on him through the rearview mirror, right as he eagerly dug his hand into the bag.

"And what about me?" Changbin whined. "You all are lucky I care about your lives and can't just turn around and snatch them from you right now".

You chuckled, reaching your hand behind your seat, and opening your palm. "Minnie".

The sound of his name coming out of your mouth was all it took for a single cookie to be reluctantly placed on it.

"Here," you called Changbin's attention, motioning for him to open his mouth.

"Is it red velvet?" he asked, opening his mouth and taking a bite regardless, as he was ready to eat whatever it was you decided to feed him. 

As soon as he tasted them, he dramatically threw his head back and hit the border of the steering wheel.

"Fuck! They're so good".

You laughed, lightheartedly shaking your head at his reaction. Not even ten seconds later, he was opening his mouth again and leaning slightly over your side for you to feed him the remaining of the cookie you had managed to get from Seungmin.

Having fed him and watching him happily munch on it, you leaned back against your seat, closing your eyes to go back to listening to Hyunjin's playlist like you had been doing before this whole cookies situation took place — only for Traitor by Olivia Rodrigo to start playing.

Almost jumping from your seat, you turned around, staring at Hyunjin in utter disbelief while your jaw comically dropped.

"You did not just do that" you accused him.

He chuckled, staring down with a proud smirk at the unlocked phone in his hands as he seemed to look for another song. His point had already been made.

"What happened?" Jeongin wondered.

"Nothing, Hyunjin's just an idiot" you replied, tauntingly squinting your eyes at Hyunjin, only for his smile to grow.

"At least I'm not a traitor" his smile turned into a cynical smirk.

"A traitor why?" Seungmin's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Who's a traitor?" Changbin joined in.

"It's nothing" Hyunjin brushed it off, his eyes never leaving yours.

"Oh, so you guys have reached the internal jokes stage now?" 

"Shut up…" you felt the heat reach your face, turning around to sit properly and look ahead to the road.

Olivia’s voice stopped being heard, and it was replaced by Lauv’s, as I Like Me Better began to play. You looked down to your lap and tried to contain your smile. It had been ages since you last listened to that song, and a part of you, the delusional one that was head over heels for Hyunjin, wanted to believe he was dedicating it to you right then.

Looking out the window when you managed to conceal your blissfulness and everyone seemed to already be back in their own world, you decided to just focus on the road and stop giving too much thought to the song choice of his throughout the ride. He was using a playlist after all.

Nevertheless, you couldn’t help your mind from wandering and daydreaming all the way to the camping site, making it hard for you to focus on your duty as the designated human GPS.

You weren't sure if Changbin was right about you and Hyunjin having reached the 'internal jokes stage' yet, but you realised later that day that you had definitely reached some kind of complicity. You couldn't put your finger on when along the journey of the two of you growing closer it happened, but now your eyes would naturally lock whenever someone said anything slightly funny or even questionable. It was as if you wanted, needed, to share even the most minimal and mundane of things with each other.

And you hadn't noticed it was that obvious to everyone else until Hyejin pointed it out when you were setting up your tent later that afternoon. To say you were struggling a little bit was an understatement; it was a tent for three, and usually Minji was there to help set it up as well. You would definitely have some extra room that night.

Still, as focused on finding the correct corner of the fabric to stake it to the ground as she was, Hyejin managed to bring the topic up.

"So, what's going on with you and Hyunjin?"

"What do you mean?" you frowned, letting go of the fabric you were holding onto.

"Oh, come on, I'm not blind" she squinted her eyes. "Something definitely changed between you two".

"I mean, yeah, but…" you shrugged. “We’re just closer now, I guess”.

“I’ve seen the heart eyes, Y/N”.

“As if my heart eyes for him are anything new”.

“I meant his”.

You went silent, feeling your cheeks heat up and your hands shake. To have someone else notice it, too, only made it feel more real.

“You guys need help?” Felix interrupted before you could try and say anything back.

His arm was naturally resting over Hye’s shoulders, and although she visibly appreciated the offer, she settled for an obnoxious roll of eyes.

“We’re not damsels in danger” she playfully shoved his arm off.

Felix snorted. “Maybe not but you guys are clearly struggling here”.

“I could use some help” you admitted, getting a triumphant smile from Lix before he grabbed the fabric you had let go of a minute ago and began to stake it to the ground.

“But what about our girl talk” Hyejin pouted.

“Girl talk?” Felix looked at her with furrowed eyebrows.

She nodded, and just like that his eyes went to you — realisation hitting him in a second.

“Let me guess, you guys are talking about Hyunjin”.

You nearly choked on air. “We're not”.

"We're not?" Hyejin teased you, receiving a glare from you in a heartbeat.

“Ah, you guys can go on then" Felix nodded understandingly, with a glimpse of a smirk curving up his lips. "I already know all about it anyway".

Hyejin raised both hands up in defense when your glare was once again on her. "Don't look at me, remember he's Hyunjin's best friend after all".

Lix's smirk was now on full display. "I know things neither of you two know".

"There's not much to know, though? Right?" you awkwardly fidgeted in your place. "Hyunjin doesn't talk about me, does he?"

Felix and Hyejin exchanged an incredulous look, deciding right then to just leave it there and let you figure it out on your own. They knew you well enough to know you wouldn’t believe any of it unless you heard it directly from Hyunjin; and maybe even then you would still doubt it all.

“Anyway,” Felix shrugged, going back to his previous task. “Let’s set this shit up”.

“Language!” Hyejin reprimanded him.

You laughed at the exchange, going over to Hyejin so you could work together while Felix focused on the other corner of your tent. Even though you could feel their stares on you, you were just glad the topic seemed to be over with.

-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-♡

Turned out that setting up a tent with Felix and Hyejin was just a call to be kicked out of it as soon as it was done, so they could take a nap inside and just like that make you their third wheel. Not like you really cared, for you took a blanket and placed it under one of the trees that were farther away from everyone. 

Lying down on it, you used your arms as a pillow while you looked up to the bright green leaves and the rays of sunshine peeking through them. You truly loved this camping site. It was quiet, with enough space for your entire group and the right amount of distance from other campers in the area.

The grass was green and abundant, the trees provided enough shadow for you not to go mad over how hot the summer weather was, and there was a lake only a five-minute walk from there. You would probably go there a little before the sun set; everyone seemed to be too immersed in their own activities to propose a walk to the lake anytime soon.

Seungmin and Jeongin were still setting up their tent, as they had been too busy whining about having to set it up before to actually do it. Chan, Han and Changbin were drinking and chatting the afternoon away, after having managed to clean up and put everything from your lunch away, since they had been chosen to be on cleaning up duty by a very fair game of rock, paper, scissors. Minho was lying on a blanket a few meters from you, scrolling through his phone. Felix and Hyejin were napping; and Hyunjin… you actually had no idea where Hyunjin was.

“Wanna go to the lake?”

As if reading your thoughts, there he was, kneeling on the edge of your blanket as he patiently waited for your answer.

You tilted your head up to look at him, still a bit stunned over both his timing and his suggestion. Nevertheless, you nodded, not having to think twice before you sat up.

“Are the others coming?”

“Nah,” he shrugged, standing up and giving you a hand to help you up as well. “They said they’re going later”.

“Shouldn’t we wait for them then?” you quietly asked.

Hyunjin brought a dramatic hand up to his chest. “If you don’t wanna be alone with me just say so”.

You scoffed, acting just as offended as he was. “That’s not what I said at all?!”

“Then?” he smiled, tilting his head in the lake’s direction.

Rolling your eyes while the biggest of smiles took over your face, you followed him. He knew the way to the lake by heart, you realised, as he seemed to avoid branches you wouldn’t have noticed were there if it weren’t for him dodging them before you. Although maybe it just had to do with the fact that you were too focused on him to pay attention to your surroundings.

After five minutes in which thankfully you made it out intact, you finally reached your destination. You smiled at the view of the crystalline water and the strong reflection of the sun on it, which you had to look away from in order not to be blinded. It looked the same as every other year, and a part of you was happy it remained the same throughout the time.

“Where are you going?” Hyunjin asked, eyebrows furrowing in confusion when you started walking towards the water.

“To lie down?” you answered, in what had seemed like more of a question.

“Not here” he shook his head.

“Why not?”

“Minho and Changbin are fishing here later”.

“So?”

“So, you know how loud those two are when they get frustrated” he reminded you, walking over to you and taking your hand so he could drag you with him. “I came here to recharge”.

Too stunned over the unexpected feel of his strong yet soft hand holding yours, you didn’t even object. You simply let him take you whenever it was he wanted to take you to — heart eyes stuck to the back of his head as he led the way.

“Recharge?” you mocked him regardless.

"Yeah?" he said, as if it was obvious. "Don't you need time to be alone and recharge after being with too many people for too long?"

"It's not even dinner time yet".

"And I'm already drained".

You chuckled at his tiresome remark, but decided to just leave it at that when you reached a bunch of rocks that blocked the way.

“Where exactly are we going?” you wondered, confusedly letting go of his hand when he began to climb them.

"Come here" he called, reaching his hand out for you.

“You want to lay down on top of these rocks?” you questioned, taking his hand nonetheless and allowing him to help you up. “Like, the view might be better, but I’m pretty sure lying down on sand is way better than lying down on a bunch of hard as hell rocks”.

“Oh, hush,” he amusedly shut you up, placing a gentle hand to your back after having let you go first so he could make sure you wouldn’t slip —and that he would catch you in case you did—. “You just keep climbing up and shut that pretty mouth of yours”.

You shut your mouth; not because he told you to, but because his words sounded lovely —although taunting— enough to bring heat to your cheeks and make you forget how to speak altogether.

He could tell the way you were feeling, you realised when you heard a breathy laugh escape his mouth. He was enjoying it too much, but it was fair, considering he wanted to have that kind of effect on you.

Thankfully, the climb up the rocks wasn’t that high, otherwise the tension taking over while his hand remained on your back and his heavy breathing would faintly hit your shoulder every other second, might’ve become too overwhelming for you to survive.

As soon as you reached the top and took a seat to look around, you were confused. You weren’t sure exactly where it was that he wanted you to go to next or even where to look at once up there, so you just turned around to him with knitted eyebrows as he finished climbing up and took a seat next to you. However, after taking what felt like five seconds to catch his breath, he stood up.

“Okay, now let’s go down” he offered his hand once more to help you up.

“What? Like, to the same place we just came up from?”

He chuckled, amusedly shaking his head before he leaned down to grab your upper arm and help you up. “Will you just trust me on this?”

“I mean, you could be taking me to my deathbed right now and I wouldn’t even know”.

He rolled his eyes, carefully guiding you over to the other end of the rocks, so you could begin your two minutes journey down. “Everyone knows you’re with me right now, wouldn’t be really smart for me to murder you”.

“Reassuring” you smiled cynically, earning a throaty laugh from him and a light —actually reassuring— squeeze from his hand.

Without another word, you let him help you on your way down. It was cute how focused he was on making sure you wouldn’t have trouble with it and wouldn’t get hurt, to the point he tripped at one point; thankfully only right before you reached the safety of the ground, so it didn’t really matter.

"What even is this place?" you breathily let out, turning around to finally take a look at your surroundings.

It was only then that you realised what he had meant by ‘alone’ and ‘recharging’. The place he had taken you to seemed to be another shore within the same lake; a much smaller one, which could comfortably fit around five or six people at most.

The rocks formed some kind of fence around a few meters of the lake, which was tall enough to keep people from seeing what was on the other side, and which made most of them —you included— believe that was all there was to it: Just a bunch of rocks.

Only the curious ones who were willing to climb said bunch of rocks for no apparent reason, like Hyunjin, were privileged enough to discover such a gemstone.

"I don't even know, to be honest" Hyunjin laughed, walking up to the spot close to the water where one of the rocks blocked the sun and provided some shadow. "Found it the first time we came here. Minji and I were taking a walk and I felt like climbing all the way up the rocks and came across this place. I don't think anyone knows about it".

"Well, I surely didn't" you confirmed, looking around in awe. It almost felt cozy, like a small fort you would build as a child. "You and Minji did a pretty good job at keeping it from us".

"Oh, Minji doesn't know about it".

You stopped in your tracks, almost not believing your ears. "She… she doesn't?"

"Nope," he shrugged, sitting down on the sand and patting the spot next to him for you to do the same. 

When you hesitated, visibly having a hard time believing him, he sighed.

"Why'd you even believe I told her?"

"I mean… Wasn’t she with you?” you questioned, finally sitting down next to him.

He shook his head no. “She didn’t want to climb up with me. I mean, she was wearing a dress, so I guess it’s understandable” a chuckle abandoned his lips, and a bittersweet smile crept up in yours over the fact that he even remembered what she was wearing on the first day you ever came here years ago. “But yeah, I saw this place from all the way up and just kept it to myself. I could use some peace of mind during these trips”.

“You say it like we’re chaotic as hell” you laughed.

“Aren’t you?” he taunted.

You playfully shoved him away. “You should really include yourself in that sentence, Hwang Hyunjin”.

“Nah, I don’t think I belong there” he denied, having a hard time holding his smile. “Which is why I kept this place all to myself this far”.

You bit your lip, concealing a smile not to show how flattered you were to be the first and only person he had ever shared this place with — for not only had he told you about it, but he had taken it upon himself to pull you away from your group of friends and take you all the way here with him.

“Minji would be so mad if she ever found out you kept this from her…”

Hyunjin shrugged, resting his head on yours and making goosebumps form on your skin. “I don’t have to share everything with her”.

“She’s your best friend, though” you pointed out.

“So?” he asked, sitting up. “Do you share everything with Seungmin?”

You stayed quiet. He had a point. You did mainly share everything with him, from your achievements to your failures, and from your happiness to your sadness. But there were still a few things you kept to yourself, like the way you had felt about Hyunjin all along. Yes, he knew you had a bit of a crush on him, and he also knew you had grown closer since Minji left, but your actual feelings for the guy next to you, he had no idea about.

Your feelings for Hyunjin were something you had decided to keep to yourself and deal with on your own. There was too much at stake, and you wanted to believe you’d have enough control over the situation in case things went south. As long as you didn’t tell anyone, even if it was obvious in their eyes, you liked to believe you would be able to just forget about it all at the snap of your fingers.

Hyunjin nodded to himself at your silence — unaware of what was going through your mind yet knowing that just like that he had proven his point.

“Besides, she’s a blabbermouth. She would’ve told everyone else by now”.

You snorted, looking down for a moment to hold your laughter and missing the way his eyes lit up at the sight of you. "I'm telling her you called her that".

"Ugh, don't tell me I brought a snitch to my precious secret spot" he whined, dramatically resting his head on your shoulder. "Is that all, though?"

"Hm?" 

"I was supposed to tell her because she's my best friend?"

“No, but…” you stayed quiet for a moment, pondering whether you should say what was at the tip of your tongue or not. "It's just…"

"What is it?" he straightened up, furrowing his eyebrows as he waited for your answer.

"This is such a stereotypical making out spot".

He snorted, disbelief written all over his face. "What?"

"Yeah, like, think of all the couples that have found this place at some point and used it to do their thing".

"Ew," he cringed, glaring at you right after. "You did not just ruin my favourite spot for me".

"I'm just saying," you laughed, playfully shoving away the accusatory finger of his that was pointing at you. "This is like, the perfect making out spot to bring the person you have feelings for".

"I brought you, didn't I?"

Your cheeks were hit by a rush of heat instantly, and not even lowering your head helped you hide from him what his words had done to you.

"Stop…" you lightly shoved him away with your shoulder. "I guess it caught me off guard that you didn't bring her here at some point since you've always been in love with her".

"In love with her?" He looked incredulous; you just nodded. "I'm not, though?"

"Hyunjin…" you murmured, almost begging for him not try and fool you.

"I haven't always been in love with her…" he mumbled, looking down for a second before his eyes locked with yours. "Definitely am not in love with her anymore".

You smiled bittersweetly. "Right".

"I'm not, Y/N" he reassured you.

"Since when?" you wondered.

He said nothing — simply staring into your eyes was enough for you to have your answer.

Whatever was going on between the two of you was unspoken, recent, and therefore he couldn't give you a proper answer without having it turn out as a confession and risking scaring you away.

He wasn't confident enough to verbally confess the feelings he had caught for you this past month yet, but the sincerity in his eyes had managed to give you the answer you were looking for.

Since she left.

Since you and him grew closer together and something changed in the way he saw you.

"Is a month or so really enough to get over your best friend?" you mumbled.

"It's not like I was head over heels in love with her" he mindlessly played with the sand under his hands. "It was just… a little crush".

You laughed under your breath, shaking your head rather weakly as you laid your back on the sand — mentally scolding yourself for not having brought your blanket with you to lie down on.

A little crush. You should know about it. 

You were sure just a little crush wouldn't make him look at her the way he did, and it most definitely wouldn't have him unconsciously call her the most beautiful woman his eyes had ever seen.

But you were done arguing with him. In the end, it changed nothing — he did feel some type of way for her before she left; and even after she left, up until you had come up to change that now, apparently.

Besides, no matter how hard you tried to fight it, a part of you believed him. He looked at you different now. He acted different around you. And although you tried not to fall for it, deep down you knew it was already a lost battle.

Not knowing what to say nor what to feel about his advances, you closed your eyes. You could feel him staring at you for a while, yet you were too shy to acknowledge it, until he finally laid down next to you.

"Are we napping now?" Hyunjin asked, changing the topic after getting the hint about you no longer wanting to talk about the whole feelings thing.

"You said you wanted to come here to recharge, didn't you?" you smiled.

Although your eyes remained closed, you felt him smile brightly next to you. "And napping is your way of recharging?"

"Isn't it yours?"

"I just wanted to come here and spend some time with you, if I'm honest".

At that, you opened your eyes. Much to your surprise, his dark brown ones were already focused on you.

"Thank you…" you smiled sweetly.

He looked confused. "What for?"

"For trusting me with your precious secret spot" your choice of words had him rolling his eyes. "I won't tell anyone about it, I promise".

Hyunjin smiled, no longer being able to hold himself back and throwing an arm around your shoulders. You didn't fight back when he pulled you to his chest, if anything, you made yourself comfortable on it.

"In case it wasn't clear, even if you did tell someone, because I can’t really trust you with Seungmin,” his statement earned an incredulous scoff from you. “You're not allowed to come here with anyone else but me".

You chuckled, shaking your head and closing your eyes once more as you relaxed under his touch. "Would never even dream to betray you like that".

-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-♡

"What took you guys so long?" Chan asked as soon as you and Hyunjin arrived back.

The sun had already set a couple of minutes ago, and you were met with an already lit up bonfire while all your friends sat down around it.

You didn't even have the chance to play your late arrival off by silently sitting down until someone noticed you had finally made it back, for all their eyes were fixed on you since the second you reached your camping spot. Not even the few branches you had collected on your way back, to make it seem like you had wandered off together with the intention to collect some for the bonfire, would help you out of this situation.

Having everyone silently questioning you right then, you came to the conclusion that maybe taking a nap wasn't the brightest of your ideas — not when you were a proper five minute walk from your camping spot and hadn't set up an alarm to wake you up from the dream you were having in the arms of the person your heart felt most at peace with.

Hyunjin shrugged, refraining from giving them an actual answer as he nudged you to walk over to them and throw the thin pieces of wood you had collected into the fire, later taking a seat next to each other by it.

"You know what's funny?" Changbin spoke up next to you, with a hint of a smirk already showing on his face. "I'm pretty sure I saw them walking towards the lake, but when Minho and I got there later they were nowhere to be seen".

Once again, all eyes were on you. This time, though, you managed to see some dropped jaws.

"Did you guys get lost in the woods or something?" Han teased, rapidly moving his eyebrows up and down.

"I'm watching you, Hwang" Seungmin glared at him from the other side of the bonfire, earning a laugh from all of you.

Hyunjin raised both hands up, pleading innocence. "I did nothing".

"Did Y/N do something then?" Changbin teased.

You rolled your eyes, pressing a finger to your mouth "Quiet".

"Is that a yes?"

"Oh, my God" you whined, covering your face with both hands in embarrassment.

“Okay, okay. Leave the lovebirds alone” Hyejin came to your rescue — kind of.

“Have you guys had dinner yet?” you tried to change the subject.

“Nice save” Minho saluted you. “But no, we wanted to hang out here for a bit before. It got pretty cold”.

You nodded, silently. As if on cue, a light, cold breeze hit your body, making you hug yourself instinctively before you leaned closer to the fire and reached your hands out in hopes to get warmer.

Your eyes snapped back towards Hyunjin when you felt him leave your side, watching him go to the tent he was sharing with Lix and get something you could not quite tell apart from the distance, given how dark it was over there. When he got close enough to the bonfire again for you to see what he was holding, however, you smiled.

Before the words ‘thank you’ could even leave your mouth, he was placing a blanket over your shoulders and sitting down next to you. 

“Anyone else?” Hyunjin asked, holding out a spare blanket he had brought just in case.

“Me!” Hyejin raised her hand from three seats away, reaching for the blanket Hyunjin was now offering her and then throwing it around her body — in the matter of just one second managing to look like a burrito.

“Gotta step up your game, Felix” Han called him out, shaking his head in feigned disappointment.

“Fuck off” he glared at him, only for his girlfriend to laugh next to him and pull him into her embrace.

Felix smiled in adoration, resting his head on Hyejin’s while he made himself cozy under the blanket she had just shared with him.

“I just got called single in like five different languages” Han sulked.

You laughed at the scene playing in front of you. Well, mainly at Han and his antics, for you could only smile and stare in awe at the lovely couple cuddling right there. They were so happy. They had always been happy together, always so unproblematic, and you could only wish to ever be part of a relationship like that.

You didn’t want that with just anyone, though, and the fact that the person you wanted it with was sitting right next to you did not help your case at all. 

It was tough to be craving that much intimacy with someone who was right there, yet things weren’t clear enough between the two of you for you to just go for it.

You wanted to be able to do with Hyunijn what Hyejin had just done with Felix. You wanted to just rest your head on his shoulder and pull him into your embrace. You wanted to be close to him in every way possible, feeling his calm breathing next to you as you enjoyed the sight and warmth of the fire.

And maybe you were overthinking way too much, for sharing a blanket while camping was not that deep and it didn’t precisely have to mean anything, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to offer it to him, because, to you, it was that deep and it did mean something.

Silently staring at him as he had by now joined the new conversation you were not paying attention to, you felt your heart melt at the side view of his bright smile.

You didn't know how many minutes had gone by, but at one point you felt him shiver, and then lean towards the fire just like you had done before, as he looked for the warmth of it.

Looking down to the fluffy fabric hugging your body, you felt guilty to have taken his blanket when he clearly needed it too. You knew it was the chance you had been looking for to offer him to share it and that way cuddle him as platonically as you could, but after giving it a second thought you came to terms with the fact that you didn’t have enough courage to do so. Instead, you offered him the whole blanket.

“Huh?” Hyunjin questioned, taken aback when you took it off and handed it to him.

“You’re cold” you stated the obvious, motioning for him to take it.

“So are you” he pointed out.

“Yeah, but it’s your blanket”.

Hyunjin stayed silent for a couple of seconds, eyes going from you to the blanket in your hands and so on. Then, as if a lightbulb had just been lit up above his head, he smiled.

Taking the blanket from your hands, he threw it over your backs, making sure you’d hold onto the other end before he made himself cozier next to you.

“We can share”.

You bit your lip, lowering your head not to show the effect his actions had once more had on you. How could he make it look so simple? Just throw a blanket over your bodies, pull you closer and then say that you could share, like it was nothing?

A part of you was worried he would feel your heartbeat racing, even though your arm was the one leaning against him and not your chest. It was just beating that hard, and you grew even shyer when your eyes locked with Seungmin’s. Somehow, you felt like one look at you and Hyunjin snuggling up —if you could call it that— was all it took for him to figure everything out.

The crush you had told him about months ago, only then was confirmed right in front of his eyes not to only be one simple crush. And most definitely not a one sided one, like you had claimed it was back then.

“Something wrong?” Hyunjin asked quietly, leaning in towards your ear for only you to hear.

You shook your head no, smiling softly before turning your head to him. “Everything’s fine”.

Perfect, actually.

Hyunjin nodded, moving closer to you and hesitatingly bringing his hand up to hover your back. “Is it okay if I…”

Catching on with his intentions when he lightly tapped your back, you hummed in affirmation; tensing up for a second over the unknown feel of his hand on your waist, before you relaxed under his gentle, loving touch. You were nervous, of course, but it would've been odd for you not to ultimately feel at ease when his thumb began to draw small circles on the curve of your waist.

Maybe you got too carried away, or maybe you simply stopped worrying too much, but you found yourself resting your head on his shoulder — not even having time to doubt your own actions before his head was resting on yours.

As cliché as it was, you wished that moment would last forever. It felt so natural, like your head belonged on his shoulder and his hand belonged on your waist. Like you belonged together.

Your friends had silently agreed on not teasing you anymore; just carrying on with the conversation as if seeing you together like that was by now a daily occurrence.

Hyunjin pulled you closer, and with his lips faintly brushing the crown of your head, you began to doze off.

His phone buzzing in his pocket managed to stop you from falling asleep completely. However, he, too, was so immersed in the comfort your touch and warmth brought him, that he didn't even feel it moving directly against his body.

"Your phone" you quietly brought it to his attention.

"What?"

"Your phone's buzzing" you clarified, lightly pressing your legs to his so he could take a hint.

"Oh, right" he finally got it, earning a small laugh from you as he reached into his pocket and took his phone out. "It's Minji".

You couldn't help it, but your body tensed up.

"Minji?" Han asked quite eagerly.

"Isn't it like six A.M. over there?" Hyejin's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

Hyunjin shrugged. "She's Facetiming, hold on".

Watching him sit up straight and fix his hair right before taking the call, you moved slightly away from him, putting some distance in between the two of you. That small action of yours didn't go unnoticed by Hyunjin, but he decided to say nothing. It must've been nothing after all, right?

"Hey!" He greeted her cheerfully as soon as her face was on the screen.

"Hello~" Minji answered rather cutely. Your stomach twisted. "How's everyone?"

"Everyone's okay, they're all here, actually" Hyunjin let her know.

That simple statement was all it took for your seats to be taken over by all your friends — all ten of you trying your best to fit on the small screen that Hyunjin was struggling to keep as far as possible from his face, so that everyone could have a look.

Staring at your friend through the screen, you could tell she was just waking up. She was at the other side of the world, after all. But even then, when her hair was still messy and her face was completely bare, she managed to look as endearing as ever. 

She looked happy. Tired, of course, given what time it was over there, but happy nonetheless. That same welcoming smile you knew so well was still intact, even while she was being attacked with questions from the entire friend group.

You tried your best not to look at Hyunjin all throughout the conversation. You knew it wouldn't do you any good to see him looking at her — not when you already knew the oh-so-special way he did. That one look in his eyes he only had when it came to her.

You also tried your best not to think of how usual these video calls were. They were best friends, for fucks sake, and they were half a world apart from each other on top of that. If it were you and Seungmin, you knew you'd be calling on a daily basis.

But Hyunjin and Minji were different. And the selfish part of you didn't want to think he was Facetiming her every single day when that seemed to be your thing now.

As stupid as you knew it was, you couldn't stop your head from hurting right then; all because of your own intrusive thoughts.

"We miss you!" Han shouted.

"Yeah, you should call the whole group more often" Chan accused her.

"Oh my God, you should show us around the filming set sometime" Felix excitedly requested. 

"Have you met any celebrities?" Jeongin asked.

And the fact that everyone was talking so loudly and eagerly to the phone, as if its microphone wasn't working or something, was definitely not helping your abrupt headache.

"One by one, people. Please" she joked. "I miss you all so much and I will get to you in a minute, but I called Jinnie, so…"

"She said priorities," Minho joked with a roll of eyes. "Let's leave before our dignity hits rock bottom, guys".

Chuckling at his salty remark and watching everyone stand up so they could either go back to their seats or straight up go somewhere else after the bonfire bonding had been interrupted, you hesitated for a moment. Ultimately, however, you stood up too — not being able to decipher the look Hyunjin gave you when you were no longer sitting next to him, and your end of the blanket remained unattended.

Without much thought, you went to the place that felt the most familiar and, therefore, the most comfortable — Seungmin. He was back on his previous seat, mindlessly scrolling through his Twitter feed when you took a seat beside him.

He didn't even budge when you placed your head on his shoulder, silently reading whatever Tweet he decided to stop at. 

"You should've brought the blanket" he said plainly when a breeze of cold air hit your bodies, eyes not leaving his phone. "It's cold".

You snorted. "It's Hyunie's blanket. You can go get another one to your tent if you're that cold".

"Just go ask your boyfriend for it, he's giving it to you in a heartbeat".

Your jaw dropped at his nonchalant statement, not minding holding back when you pushed him with both palms and almost made him fall off his chair.

"You're a menace" he accused you, holding onto your upper arm for dear life.

"You started it" you defended yourself.

"Just go get a blanket!" He motioned towards his tent.

"It's your tent, you go".

"Fine! But I swear to God I won't be shar—"

"Um…" Hyunjin's low voice brought your attention to him.

He was awkwardly standing in front of you, folded blanket in his hands while his eyes travelled from you to Seungmin, almost as if pondering his next move.

In the end, they focused on Seungmin.

"You think you can, um…" he nervously cleared his throat. "Leave us to it for a bit?"

Your heart skipped a beat, and your eyes fixed on Seungmin, who was already squinting his eyes in your direction.

The things he had to do for you and the sake of your romantic life.

Standing up without another word and with a quick glance to Hyunjin, he went over to Jeongin and Chan, who were busy chugging two of the beer cans you had no idea were there to begin with. Next to them was Hyejin, who was now holding Hyunjin’s phone as you supposed she was the next to talk to Minji one-on-one.

You frowned. You would’ve thought Minji’s conversation with Hyunjin would go on for ten minutes at least. Had it only been two minutes? Three at most?

Hyunjin took a seat next to you, placing the blanket around your body. His hands remained on your shoulders, tenderly massaging them before he rested his head on yours. You pouted, leaning into his body and burying your face on the crook of this neck.

"Why'd you leave?" he asked.

You shrugged, unintentionally tickling his neck and making goosebumps show up on his skin.

"Hm?" he pushed it, gently nudging you.

"Didn't wanna interrupt" you replied quietly.

"Interrupt?"

"Yeah, like… Minji called you, so…"

"She just wanted to tell me about what happened at the studio today and the instructions the director was giving, you know, to give me some tips since I aim to get there at some point".

You smiled weakly, being reminded of how even when it came to their careers they were a better fit than you and him. An actress and a film producer. It was a match made in Heaven.

"It's not like we were talking about anything top secret" he tried to reassure you when you wouldn't reply.

"No, but…" you sighed. "I don't know".

“Tell me”.

“It would’ve just… We were being way too cozy, and she was watching, I didn’t want to have her think that we’re—you know…”

Hyunjin frowned, looking down to his fidgeting hands on his lap. “But we are, though… Aren’t we?”

You looked up at him in surprise, and he could feel his heart flutter at the sight of your shining, incredulous eyes.

“We are?” you asked in a whisper.

“Do you…” he bit his lip, silently looking for the right words. “Do you really think I’m in love with her?”

You shrugged, sitting up and leaning away from him.

“Y/N…”

“I don’t know what you want me to tell you, it’s always been so obvious”.

“It was nothing, though”.

You snorted at that, shaking your head in disbelief while you focused on one of the trees in front.

“I mean it,” he reassured you, cupping your chin and guiding your face in his direction, giving you no choice but to look at him and feel your breath get caught in your throat over how little distance separated your face from his. “Whatever silly crush I had on her is gone by now”.

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me”.

“But I do,” he disagreed. “I do need to explain myself if it’s gonna jeopardize my relationship with you”.

“R-Relationship?” you whispered again, this time almost inaudibly.

"I mean, not like—I know we don't," he panicked, and you couldn't help but smile ever so faintly at the way his eyes opened wider than usual and his cheeks became a bright pink. "I'm just—in the future maybe, like…"

"Like��" you trailed off, giving him the little push he needed to go on.

Hyunjin took a deep breath. His hands were no longer cupping your face, but nervously shoved into his pockets instead. Suddenly, he had lost all the sudden confidence he previously had when it came to making it clear to you that he no longer wanted anything to do with Minji.

But he wanted things to be clear between the two of you. He wanted you to know that whatever it was he once felt for her, was now gone.

He wanted you to know he wanted you.

So, earning back every ounce of confidence he once had, he took his hands out of his pockets and held yours in them — his thumbs ever so tenderly caressing your soft skin, staring at them with the softest of smiles before his eyes went back up to your already elated ones.

“I like you, Y/N” he confessed. “I really, really like you".

"You do?" you murmured, not believing your ears.

"Mhm…" he nodded, feeling shyness hit him like a truck all over again yet refusing to let it take control over him. "I want to give us a try, I want to be with you, and… I just, I don’t want you to believe I'm stuck on Minji when I'm not".

You looked down to your lap and simply nodded, silently — visibly enough for him to know you heard him, yet not confidently enough for him to think you trusted him.

Everything he had just said was exactly what you wanted to hear. He wanted to be with you. Not her, you. He liked you, and wanted to give your relationship a try. Then why was your gut not allowing you to feel as happy as you should be?

"Can you please say something?" he whispered, nervously biting on his bottom lip.

"I, I don't…"

"You don't like me back?" he assumed; defeat clear in his eyes.

"No, I do!" you clarified embarrassingly fast, not even getting to feel ashamed about it after seeing the way his whole face lit up. "I do. I do like you".

He laughed under his breath, blissfully — thumbs still drawing circles in the palms of your hands, only this time it felt playful.

"What's stopping us then?" Hyunjin asked.

You shrugged, letting out a sigh as you looked up to the sky. "It's not even been two months since she left…"

He sighed heavily, cupping your face with one of his hands and making you look at him once more. "I know it seems like too little time, but I fell so hard so fast for you, Y/N. I can't even understand it either, but I did".

"What about when she comes back…"

"Does it matter?" He tilted his head in confusion. "I'll be with you, nothing's gonna change".

"She's coming back in five months," you pointed out, a small smirk curving up your lips. "You really think we'll last that long?"

Hyunjin giggled, resting his forehead on yours and smoothly pulling you closer to him by firmly placing a hand on your back.

"I think we'll last longer than that, actually".

That did it for you. Those confident words coming out of his mouth, his lips only inches from yours and his strong hand on your back, were all it took for you to shut down every rational part of your mind and to let your heart take over instead.

You wanted to be with him, and he wanted to be with you. So what if he used to have feelings for your mutual friend; it didn’t have to be so complicated.

And maybe, in the long run, that had been your biggest mistake. Pushing all your worries aside and just diving into your feelings for him. Rushing into things. Letting go of your inhibitions that night and never looking back from a decision you made in the heat of the moment.

Your biggest mistake was forgetting about the reason you were sitting all the way across from your previous seats around the bonfire to begin with, and why Hyunjin had come up to you in order to comfort you and reassure you of the way he felt for you.

The reason of all your insecurities was currently at the other side of the world, and Hyunjin was all the way over here with you. It was just that easy to forget about your concerns when the cause of them was nowhere near. Especially when the person your heart was crazy about was holding you so close.

Chuckling at those words that had made you risk it all, you placed your hands on his chest and softly nuzzled his nose. "You think so?"

"What, you wanna bet?" He challenged with a raised eyebrow.

You shook your head no immediately, as a laugh escaped your throat. And with each shake of your head, you moved closer to him — until there was no more space between your mouths, and your puckered lips were softly pressing on his receptive ones.

They felt just like everything you had ever dreamed of, but better. They tasted sweet, just like him; and they somehow felt even softer and plumper than they looked.

With your heart speeding up in such a way you had not felt in so long, you pulled away, feeling your cheeks burn up while your face remained buried in his neck in a poor attempt to hide from what you had just done.

"Oh, no. No," he warned you, tilting his head towards your hidden face and placing his hand on your neck — gently, yet strong enough to manage to make you look up at him. "You don't get to kiss me and then pull away before I get a proper taste of you".

His lips were trapping your bottom one before you could even register his words. He pulled you in closer, hand travelling from the back of your neck to the side of it, so that he could hold you still while his thumb was faintly pressing on your throat. 

He deepened the kiss in no time, tilting his head to the side right as his tongue traced your bottom lip for you to open up. Once you did, he was greatly met by yours in the middle — tenderly massaging each other for a brief moment, before you focused back on sucking and teasing your needy lips.

"Did this answer your question?" he whispered against your mouth.

Too far gone in the sensation of his addictive lips on yours and the way his hot breath hit your mouth as it mixed with your own, you struggled to find your voice. "W-What even was the question?"

Hyunjin giggled, louder this time. Both hands cupped your cheeks, and his thumbs tickled your bottom lip as they faintly traced it. "You're so cute".

You looked down, not being able to hold his stare after hearing such a statement come out of his swollen, pink lips. Hyunjin laughed under his breath at the sight of it, planting a soft kiss on your forehead before he pulled you into his arms and fixed the blanket that was sliding down your shoulders.

"Are you two lovebirds done exchanging saliva?" Minho asked from the table a few meters away, mindlessly opening a red cooler.

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, and you shyly buried your face in the crook of his neck like it was oh-so-natural by now.

"Is that a yes?"

"What do you need?" you reluctantly gave in.

"You're literally the only person apart from me who knows how to properly fillet a fish, so…"

You sighed, sitting up and giving Hyunjin a lingering, apologetic look before you stood up.

"I can help, too" he stood up immediately after you, leaving the blanket by your chairs and following behind you.

"I actually need your help chopping the veggies" Hyejin caught him by his t-shirt before he could even reach your side.

"But I can help Y/N cut th—"

"You don't even know how to cut a fish" Hye mocked him.

"No, but—"

"Just give it up, lover boy" Seungmin shut every hope of his down, placing a firm hand on his shoulder and dragging him with them to the other end of the table. "Come join those of us on veggies duty, Y/N's not going anywhere".

Throwing one last glance your way and watching you fold up your sleeves right before you got to helping Minho, Hyunjin smiled. He wished you weren't interrupted because of veggies and fish duty, and therefore you could still be sitting down by the bonfire, all alone, making out like he then realised he was desperate to.

But Seungmin was right. You were not going anywhere. For as long as he stayed by your side, and for as long as he made you feel safe enough in your relationship, you would stay.

For as long as you knew he was yours and you were his, you were not going anywhere. And he planned to keep it that way, so there was truly nothing for him to worry about, right?

tag list: @brinnalaine @slut4colinbridgerton @sherryblossom @svintsandghosts @phenomenalgirl9 @meloncremesoda @jxcesstuff @nhyunn @armystay89 @mal-lunar-28 @143hyunes @seungminstaehyun @cutiespaghetti @chaotic-world-of-the-j @its-me-hyunjin @kwanisms @hyunfruits

[saints-who-never-existed]

Blanky for the ask thingy? 🥺👉👈

Ask and you shall receive (eventually!)

First Impression

He was a touch too well-behaved and well-groomed in that first episode to grab me completely. Hadn't reached his full potential for dishevelment and badassery yet. Didn't take long after that for me to become absolutely ride-or-die for him though!

Impression Now

And I remain absolutely ride-or-die for him now!

I've come to understand the nuances of his character much more over time, I think.

The guilt arising from the role he played in getting the Expedition to where it ended up - in a physical, geographical sense they would not have penetrated as far as they did into the Arctic labyrinth without his knowledge.

The fear in him, too. What a traumatic experience walking out with Sir John Ross would have been for Blanky, let alone having to relive the memory and contemplate doing it all over again with only one leg.

And finally, his emotional intelligence, which I have already waxed somewhat lyrical about here.

Favourite Moment

Oh, his discovery of the Northwest Passage, for sure.

It couldn't have been anyone but Blanky on a practical level, for one thing. I don't know if anyone else could've read the ice and understood the significance of what they were seeing.

I also don't know that anyone else could've gotten as much unhinged joy from the sheer ridiculousness and irony of the situation either. The whole goal of the Expedition! Finally achieved! And it means absolutely fuck all!

Who else but Blanky could've met that situation head-on and laughed in the face of it?!

And finally, I don't think anyone but Blanky truly deserved to make that discovery. Not because he understood and RESPECTED the Arctic landscape better than anyone else (although that does count for something, I think, even for a Western invader). I think it's more about his act of sacrifice. In a practical sense, Blanky would not have been there to see what he saw without sacrificing his life and parting from the others. And in a more symbolic sense, I like to think the Arctic would not have revealed that secret to anyone who hadn't made such a sacrifice and given absolutely everything they had to give.

Idea for a Story

It's not as if we didn't see our fair share of it in canon, but I'd love to see Blanky and Crozier butt heads even more.

I can not envision, for example, a world where Blanky would approve of even a man like Hickey being flogged in the brutal way he was, regardless of his crime. You KNOW my sweet cheese Thomas would've had something to say about that bourach!

I also found myself thinking again about the final scene in E08 with Crozier, Blanky, and poor Little bleeding so profusely from his head wound. It pains me that we see no acknowledgement or concern from Crozier for his second's wellbeing and I'd like to see him called out for that too.

Basically, anyone having the opportunity to say "What the actual fuck is wrong with you, Francis?" is alright by me!

Unpopular Opinion

I don't know if this is unpopular necessarily but one thing I wish when it comes to Blanky is that we could have seen more of him outside of his friendship with Crozier.

I really do love that relationship, don't get me wrong!

But in thinking hard about the question below - favourite relationship - it suddenly struck me how few other options there really are. There are plenty of hints and tidbits - see below - but nothing as deep or explicit as what Blanky has with Crozier? And perhaps that's a missed opportunity...?

Favourite Relationship

With the previous question in mind, I'll go a slightly different route and mention a few Blanky relationships/potential relationships that I dearly wish we'd seen developed further and shown more explicitly on screen.

I like seeing the mutual respect grow between he and Fitzjames, for example, over the course of even that single scene in Episode Six. Absolute powerhouse performances from all involved.

I like his mentorship of wee Tom Hartnell too. I would love to have seen more of how that came about though knowing what I do about Blanky's extremely high level of empathy and emotional intelligence, it's not too difficult to imagine and infer how that would have gone.

And another relationship I feel is criminally underrated is actually between Blanky and Little. I like the way that Blanky has a clear knack for getting through to Little, for being firm with him without being unkind - we see it in E03 and again in E08 ("Which men? Were you one of them?"). Their shared exasperation at Crozier's bullshit in E05 delights me too.

Favourite Headcanon

I've rambled enough now so I'll finish with a straightforward and quite obvious one.

The headcanon that Blanky really is a huge fuckin' softy who's great with kids and animals. This is Blanky, to me:

Also I like to think that he beats even Sir John to the title of 'Ultimate Wife-Guy TM', that his wife Esther is even cooler than he is, and that Meera Syal could have played her.

[moenxs]

I hope you feel better! What sort of things do you feel are rampant in the rpc? Do you think they are things that are easy to improve?

oooh boy now THIS is definitely going under a read more because the yapping i'm about to do....

Let me start off by saying a lot of things "wrong" with the rpc are easy to improve as a whole but much harder to improve individually since really a lot of this comes down to individuals and a "vocal minority" in a sense.

I think there's a lot of underlying elitism as a whole in the rpc whether its purposeful or just a byproduct of existing on this site. And a lot of this also results in a very "cliquey" vibe that stretches across every fandom. Now I'm not saying that having a friend group that you tend to prioritize a bit is bad, we all do that, i mean going out of your way to exclude people that try to extend a conversation of interacting, especially if you happen to be mutuals with them.

And I get that OOC interactions can be a little rough especially when social interactions can be hard for people, but if that's the case, then why be mutuals with someone if you're either not going to reach out first, OR interact with them at all if THEY reach out first? Idk that whole thing is just frustrating to me and I think that it's something that definitely needs to be improved on as a whole.

This next thing is just a little more personal and to some people i might sound like I'm whining but it's genuinely an issue with roleplay as a whole and not really just on tumblr.

The topic of a strange aversion to female characters, and OCs. And particularly female OCs. I talked about this with a mutual briefly earlier and they helped me feel a little better about speaking up on this. To be blunt, it still sucks to be an OC writer on tumblr, especially if it happens to be a female OC (don't even get me started on female CANONS though lmao that's a whole other convo-) and especially if you're not really "popular" within the rpc already.

I quite literally have one of my blogs on a momentary hiatus because he was getting a little too much attention. Meanwhile it was nearly crickets here at one point, and I won't lie it does hurt quite a bit. But I'm not going to blame everyone entirely, people have their preferences and that's understandable.

As someone who is a cis woman, i started out on tumblr writing female OCs, and slowly when i found myself getting more comfortable writing male OCs I also found myself getting more consistent interactions. It felt like people were actually getting excited to write with me. And younger me was loving it! I didn't even realize anything was weird as I eventually transitioned over to just writing male OCs entirely for a time. Female OCs still existed on my blog but they were collecting dust.

It wasn't until recently (post 2020 ish) that i really dived back into my female characters and it was around that that I had started to notice the trend as well. I dedicated myself to female OCs in particular and I noticed a pretty steep decline in interactions as a whole. Yea, maybe you can say it was a coincidence until I started writing a male OC again and things steadily increased once again.

Also, I dearly love interacting with other people's OCs, wholeheartedly so. But who wouldn't want to interact with a canon character as well? Other OC writers are extremely welcoming, I've rarely found someone that actively writes OCs more often than not that's not sweet as can be (there are exceptions but i won't get into that).

I've noticed though that (not all obviously but it's definitely a chunk) a decent bit of the elitism that I mentioned before comes from these canon writers. The ones that are "popular" and are actually well known in the space, while most can be just as nice, there's that "vocal minority" that can easily leave quite a bad taste in your mouth.

Like i said, it's a pretty vocal minority. Most if not all of my mutuals that write canons are absolutely not in this category. But still there are some that-

this is going to sound so bad but i promise it's not it's just that i cannot find a better way to word this-

Make me as an OC writer, idk, feel lesser? Like if i'm not one of their close friends that also happens to write an OC it feels more like it's simply an obligation to try and write with me than it is a mutual "excitement" i guess.

I don't know, it's just that even with some mutuals, there's a lack of mutuality and sometimes it makes me wonder why we're even mutuals. Maybe that's just a bit of insecurity talking but honestly at this point it's just incredibly frustrating than it is disheartening anymore.

Like, I do not care how slow you are as a writer, I would just be happy with some sort of reciprocation OOC???? I don't know if that sounds entitled, I know people have busy lives but to see people boasting about ships or plots that theyve been talking about with other people when I've been trying actively to plot with them or even just converse with them is also now more frustrating than disheartening these days lol.

ANYWAYS HAHA

yea that sure was a yap session and a half, I don't know how many of you will make it to this point but if you did thank you so much for hearing me out and hopefully I didn't really offend anyone that badly at any point LMAO

[dodgebolts]

what's this? another friend has arrived, this one a pretty kitty! they'd like to know who some of your favorite bloggers are!

ok this one is going to not be comprehensive at all but I went and listed all of my mutuals and it looked like a massive wall of text so I picked out the people I interact with the most BUT I LOVE U ALL DEARLY

jo @tinynap, salty @toxicsapolo, blaze @sapnapgirlie, rey @vadergf, alexia @gogystyle, milky @honkkarl, phoenix @honktales, liv, @everybodywhamwham, aria @100blocks, cello @princeandreis, jenna @badboyslaylo, lucas @axolotldrevm, friday @georgeeehd, sally @gogienotfound, nick @dwttv, iny @sapybara, bella @calamitydaze and jules @gogtopia are some of my fav people to chat with, they're some of my oldest mutuals and I love them loads ^_^

and ofc I can't forget about my gnf and punz mains bc we are all holding hands ace @gnfcatcowboy, em @georgelore, basch @speedrunnercrafting, kit @kaustic, @rivalsjoy, leigh ann @prettygnf, miffy @gogciety, sage @powergnf, nyx @hashtagdnf, riv @gogchat, and claire @choconotfound <333

also my lovely dnf and general dteam posters, y'all make the dash such a fun place :D veri @tinamybeloved, celestial @sweetcelestialdreams, @georgenotfoundeyebags, rosie @ouchgnf, charlie @primeboysbffs, mandragora @minecraftdog, mar @patchesjam, nov @suenitos, cam @tooshisms, teana @patchesbeanie, kaya @dreamiara, meme @dnfblr, skeasy @dnfed, cliff @709-404, and lee @dreamhot!!

special shoutout to the two people who always entertain and level with me about my valo esports insaneisms @dnfingtons and @churchprime u guys are the real ones bc we all managed to flip over sen swapping marved and tenz on the roster today at different times LMAOOO

finally I don't think I can tag everyone here but everyone who I didn't mention above but I absolutely love seeing y'alls' art, fics, edits, gifs, or clips—you guys carry us whenever the boys are inactive and even moreso when they are active <33 ty for all u guys do -> demonstars, catsinstem, stonersap, respiteresponse, curoopeez, mahikamihan, traidyy, amethystcove, nervouswaltz, ourillusions, ourwaterfalls, sappymix1, yellumina, selvish, gologie, orkidays, fooshogie, milktea-green, carpedzem, tinogie, nonoqy, xomoosexo, urlwasfound, foolishhappy, bastardbvby, dreambaited

[abandoned-anemoia]

Home is Whenever I'm with You

☯ Pairing: Vernon x fem!reader (3rd person) ☯ Genre: angst, fluff, slow burn? ☯ Word count: 3.7k ☯ Summary: Vernon tries his best to make his best friend feel loved but will it be too late to tell her how he really feels? ☯ Warnings: themes of aggression (not from Vernon), mentions of sadness/loneliness ☯ A/N: Minnie is really just a random name I picked so imagine whoever you want to! If you need to change the name, you are of course free to do so. Please Let me know if I need to add any warnings! ☯Disclaimer: None of my work represents any of the idols included in any way. This is merely fictional and all based on my opinion as a joke! I have nothing against any of these idols and love them all dearly.

☯Song rec: Home by Edith Whiskers (very specifically this version)

Please do not copy, translate, or post as your own!

The fridged wind whipped around her, stinging her face as she sat on the balcony of her hotel room. Tears streaming down her cheeks as she curls up in the chair. 

Winter was always her favorite. It made her feel alive. She was not feeling alive as of late. Everything was a mess and it all came crashing down on her at her best friend Minnie's wedding. 

She and Minnie had a mutual best friend, Vernon, who was rooming with her for the few nights leading up to the wedding and after. All three had grown up together and had been virtually inseparable their entire lives so it was not a big deal to them. Except for the fact that she hated that Vernon had to deal with her being upset the night after their friends' wedding. 

So here she is, sitting outside by herself and sulking in self pity. The idea that Minnie would no longer need her or Vernon in her life was bothering her. But that was not even the main reason for her being upset since she knew it was stupid to ever think Minnie would just drop her two best friends. No, she was afraid that she would be the one who would be alone for the rest of her life. No happy ending like Minnie.

The sliding door opened with a loud screech. Stepping out on to the balcony, Vernon holds a blanket out to her. 

"You'll get cold" he says as he goes to hand her the blanket. She says nothing and stares blankly into the night sky, unmoving. Taking the blanket and laying it over her, he sits down in the chair next to hers. 

"Come on. You're gonna freeze out here."

"I'll be fine."

Silence envelopes the two as they sit outside in the cold. After a few minutes of prolonged silence, Vernon sighs, "Talk to me. I'm here for you. Always have been." 

Tears welling up in her eyes again as she speaks, "It's just us now."

"What?" Vernon was shocked. He didn't understand what she meant by that. 

She sighs and smiles sadly at him. "She has a husband and wants to start a family soon... And here we are, single with no spouse for the forseeable future." 

"Hey! That's so rude. Who's to say we won't find someone?" He nudges her to get her to crack a smile. "Besides, you think we won't be best friends with her anymore?" 

"No, not that we won't be friends anymore, just that... well, it won't be the same because family means more to her than anyone." 

"So what, she's family oriented, that's not a bad thing" he sighs, "Your mind is not being kind to you, is it?" He looks to her just to see her head fall. 

She nods, "No… I know it's all in my head. She's our best friend. It's just been the three of us for as long as I can remember, but something about the way she looked at him at that altar... like her whole world was right in front of her… I'm not sure if I want what she has or if I am afraid I'll lose one of my best friends." 

"You don't have to worry about either of those things. Minnie isn't going to just leave us. Sure, she'll be a bit more preoccupied if she has kids but until then, nothing has really changed. She has a ring on her finger and a document to change her last name, nothing else to it. As for wanting what she has… I think everyone wants someone who makes them light up the way she does when she sees him." Vernon knows what she means, he had felt the same thing a few months back when she had gone on a date with a guy she met at work. She had come to tell him about how it went and the way her eyes lit up made his heart drop to his stomach. How she feels now has to be a mixture of both not wanting to lose Minnie and wanting what she has. 

He holds out his hand to her, in hopes she would find some sort of comfort in his words or even just his presence, to make her feel like she does him. She slips her hand into his, interlocking their fingers, tears still streaming down her face. God, she's so beautiful. Vernon reaches for her, cradling her face with his free hand as he wipes away some of the tears sliding down her cheek. 

"You're going to get sick, come back inside." His voice was soft, fearing anything he said could break her. 

She nods, allowing Vernon to pull her up by their interlocked hands, "Thank you." 

She didn't need to say anything more. He knows she was grateful for his words as she moves their linked hands over her head, his arm now resting on her shoulder as she curls into his side. He pulls her close and leads them into the hotel room, sliding the balcony door shut behind him. 

…

A few months after Minnie's wedding, nothing has really changed. Vernon was right. She really didn't have anything to worry about when it came to Minnie forgetting about them. The jealousy hadn't gone away though. The way Minnie talks even more fondly about her husband, the way she discusses how happy she is having someone who understands her on a certain level, the way she talks about her future with such certainty. 

She doesn't have that and it upsets her. After bringing her feelings up in a conversation with Vernon, he reassures her that she will find someone that cares for her, "You never know when it'll happen, but one day you'll love someone who loves you just as much." 

Letting out a sigh, she stands from her seat at the little table in the quiet café. He had stopped by with her favorite food while she was on her lunch break, knowing she had forgotten to pack food for the day since she had complained to him about it earlier. She had sat with him and talked about her woes as he listened intently. 

With her lunch break now over, she hugs Vernon and thanks him for bringing her food and listening to her ramble on about her feelings. He looks at her as if she is his world—as if she hung the moon and the stars in the sky. She hasn't noticed the little things he was doing for her, subtly attempting to hint at his affection for her. He was testing the waters, seeing how she reacts to every little attempt he makes. Vernon watches as she goes back to work, deciding it's time he heads back home.

…

She is having a bad day. Everything that could have gone wrong has. The pastries she was baking burned. The coffee she made was spilled all over her new shirt. She ripped her pants when she squatted down to help clean it up. She broke a piece of the frothing machine and got it taken out of her paycheck. Nothing has gone right.

Sitting in her living room, frustrated tears streaming down her face, the doorbell sounds through the room. She isn't expecting anyone but gets up from her place on the couch, wiping her tears away as she makes her way to the door. 

Upon opening it, she is greeted by a smiling Vernon, a large bouquet of an assortment of her favorite flowers in his hands. He hands her the flowers as she moves aside to let him in. He knew she was having a bad day and wanted nothing more than to bring a smile to her face so he came to visit her, bringing her some of her favorite things.

She stands in the doorway, shocked by his gesture. She closes the door and follows Vernon into the living area, where he is sitting on her couch, unpacking his bag. He pulls out her favorite candies, snacks, and her favorite animal in plushie form. He looks to where she stands, motioning for her to come sit next to him with a smile. She sniffles, letting out a small laugh and walking over to him, "Is this for me?"

He nods, "You texted the group chat saying you were having a terrible day so I thought I would try to cheer you up!" 

The smile on his face is as pure as gold as she watches him flip through channels on her television, presumably trying to find a movie they could watch. She can't comprehend that anyone would do this for her from simply telling them she is having a bad day. It isn't until he clicks on her favorite movie that her eyes well up with tears again. They aren't sad tears this time but when Vernon looks over and sees her crying, he is quick to wipe her tears away, "Hey, hey, it's okay. Don't cry, please." 

You shook your head, launching yourself at him to wrap him in a tight hug, "I love you so much." 

Those words both make his heart soar and drop the pit of his stomach at the same time. She means it, but not in the same way he does when he sighs and repeats the phrase. He doesn't know that when the words came out of her mouth, her slowly growing feelings were hidden behind those words. 

Spending the whole night joking, talking, watching her favorite films, and eating her favorite snacks, the two of them wrapped around one another on the small couch. Every bad thing that had happened that day was no longer a worry for her. Being in his arms makes her feel safe—loved. Their breathing evens out, sleep overtaking them as the television continues playing in the background. 

…

Sitting on the steps of her apartment building, quietly reading a book, she basks in the warm air blowing gently around her, the sun high in the sky but covered my white fluffy clouds. A man walks past, glancing at her before backtracking, "Excuse me, but I can't help but notice how beautiful you are." 

She is shocked. No stranger had ever complimented her so directly. Her cheeks turn pink, glancing around her as if to see he was talking to someone else. When she sees no one else, she looks back to the man who is still standing at the bottom of the stairs, only a few steps away from her, "Thank you." 

The man continues talking to her, making random conversation and throwing in compliments along the way. She thrives in his attention, hearing him discuss random things about his job and him asking about hers. He asks her to go out with him, exchanging numbers and telling her he would let her know when to expect a date. 

As he walks away, she can't help but to feel giddy. Excitement rushes through her body as she stands from the stairs she is sitting on and races to her apartment. She calls Minnie, adding Vernon to the call when she answers. She tells her best friends about her interaction with the man, excitedly letting them know her thoughts and how he had treated her in the short time they talked. 

Vernon felt uneasy, listening to her gush about this stranger. He hasn't gotten to vet this man, to see if he is good enough for the one person he loves the most. If she is going to choose someone else, he is at least going to make sure that that person is good enough for her. 

…

Vernon sits quietly on her bed, watching her scramble around her room, occasionally asking him for his advice on an outfit or idea she has. She had called Vernon and Minnie to ask them to come over and help her get ready for her date. Vernon was the only one free at the moment, Minnie having had a meeting to go to. 

He's worried she may get hurt because this guy was just moving so fast, never met her friends or even really talked to her since the day they exchanged numbers. Somehow he knows this guy is no good and he has asked her multiple times how she really feels but she is so excited, too caught up in the idea of finding someone to love her. If only she would see the person sitting on her bed, worrying for her, pining after her. 

She looks so beautiful, so perfect in his eyes. He wonders if he could give her what she needs, continuing to pretend he's not falling into the deep end. He wishes to continue the friendship they have, too scared to have no one to hold if he ruins everything, so he keeps his thoughts to himself.

Ready for her date, she stands in front of Vernon, smoothing her outfit out in a panic and presenting herself to him. His breath catches in his throat at the sight of her, "You look out of this world." 

She beams at him, "Really? Are you sure I look okay?" 

"You look way more than just okay. Anyone who tells you differently is blind and doesn't deserve to look at you." His flattery only succeeds in making her happy and never making her notice his love for her. 

As she readies herself to leave, a car horn can be heard outside. She runs to the window, looking out and excitedly grabbing her purse, hugging Vernon tightly, telling him he can stay if he wants. She rushes outside to meet the man who asked her on a date, who hadn't even parked the car or opened the door for her. Vernon watches as the car drives away, heart heavy and breath ragged.

…

The date hasn't gone as planned—as she thought it would. The man sitting across from her hasn't complimented her, not that he had to but his lack of attention hurt her a bit. He has only commented on the price of the food, the annoyance he has with the waitress, and the misogynistic tendencies he has. He makes her uncomfortable and self conscious but she can't seem to find an excuse to leave that he believes. 

When he gets up to use the bathroom, she pulls out her phone and texts Vernon and Minnie, asking if one of them had the time to get her. Vernon is the first to text back, telling her that he is on his way. Minnie apologizes for not being able to be there for her today but she assures her friend that it is okay before the man sits back down in front of her, asking her why she is on her phone. Though she knows he didn't deserve an answer, she gave him one anyway, telling him that her friend is planning to pick her up. 

He didn't like that answer, upsetting her when he slams his fists down on the table and storms out of the restaurant, leaving her sitting in the now quiet room. All eyes are on her, most of the patrons giving her looks of pity. She gets up, pulls out her wallet, places plenty of money on the table to pay the bill with a generous tip for the waitress as well, and exits the restaurant. 

Once outside, she is bombarded with insults and many choice words from the man who had been so kind when they had first met. She receives a text from Vernon, telling her that he was there and would come get her. When she turns to meet him halfway, he grabs her wrist, holding it tightly and jerking her back to him. Before he can say a word, Vernon is shoving all of his weight into the man in front of her, successfully pushing him off of her and to the ground. 

Vernon pulls her into his side and quickly rushes her down the street and into his car. Starting the engine, he pulls onto the street, heading to her apartment, "Are you okay? Did he hurt you?" 

She shakes her head, staying silent for the entire ride. She is grateful for the man sitting in the driver's seat, he has always had perfect timing, today just proving it. Vernon worries about her, wondering if she wants to tell him something and can't or if she really is alright, "He didn't deserve you anyway. You're too good for men like that."

As he pulls the car up to her street, parking it in the nearest spot, she speaks up, "I know… I was just excited, that's all." 

Before she can get out of the car, Vernon grabs her hand, holding it firmly, successfully making her look at him, "Do you want me to stay?"

He silently hopes she will tell him yes, but his hopes are crushed when she shakes her head, "I'll be fine. Thanks, Vernon. For everything you do for me." 

She squeezes his hand before climbing out of the car, leaving Vernon to sulk. He silently watches as she walks to the door to her apartment building, disappearing inside. Sitting in the car for a moment longer as the heavens open up and rain beats against the pavement, he curses himself for not telling her how he feels but then again, Would it be too soon? Or too late?

As she closes the door behind her, letting out a breath, tears begin to make their way down her cheeks, dripping from her chin like the rain outside her window drips from the seal. The adrenaline had worn off and the mix of emotions inside of her were too much to bear. Her back presses against the door, sliding down it until she is sitting on the floor. 

She lets her tears run dry, breathing beginning to even out as she sniffles, wiping her face with her hands. She just wants someone who pays attention to her. Someone who tries to understand her feelings even when it seems impossible. Someone who cares for her and knows all of her favorite things. Someone who she can just sit in silence with and know they care. Someone who… Wait. Her brain briefly stops its train of thought before chugging along again, bringing her to her next conclusion. Someone like Vernon. 

She jumps to her feet, quickly opening the door, silently praying for his car to still be outside. And there he is, sitting in his car in the pouring rain. He looks up at her, seeing her standing in the doorway. Fuck it. He decides that he needs to tell her how he feels before it truly is too late.

Getting out of the car, he rushes toward her. She leaves the doorway of the apartment building, quickly moving to meet him despite the rain. She meets him on the sidewalk, standing face to face in silence before they both speak at the same time. Stammering as they try to let the other say what they need to say, Vernon holds his hands in front of him, signaling for them both to pause, "I'll go first, okay?" 

The rain clings to his hair, water droplets falling from the tips. His clothes are stuck to his body, being soaked through by the downpour. She assumes that she looks similarly as she lets him speak, his words quickly falling out of his mouth in rapid succession, "I love you. And I mean that in an I'm in love with you kind of way and not a you're my best friend kind of way. It's totally fine that you don't feel the same way, I would never want to pressure you and-" 

She didn't let him finish his rambling, crashing your lips into his. He only froze for a moment before reciprocating the kiss. She cradles his face in her hands as he grips her waist, pulling her closer. The raindrops pelt their bodies, almost as if a bucket of water had been thrown from the sky, but neither of them care, too lost in each other to focus on anything else.

When she pulls away, smiling and out of breath, she moves his hair out of his face, "I love you too. And I'm so sorry that I never noticed how good you are to me—that I never noticed my feelings before now." 

Vernon smiles at her, carefully cupping her face in his hands before leaning down to press a chaste kiss to her lips. Her hands rests on top of his, staring up at him when he pulls away, "We should get inside." 

He nods, pulling her into his side and leading her into the apartment, just as he did on the night of Minnie's wedding. The night that started it all. 

He had always been there. When she needed a shoulder to cry on. When she needed someone to rant to. When she was feeling lonely and needed a friend. He was there. And now, he's standing in her apartment, both of them drenched and shivering slightly from the cold water soaking their clothes. 

She leads him into her bathroom, leaving before quickly coming back with the clothes he keeps at her place. Towels line the floor as the both dry off, giggling at the ridiculous amount of water that had spilled onto the floor.

After changing into dry clothes, their hair still damp, they make their way to the living room, sitting down on the couch and making themselves comfortable. Her legs lay across his lap, one of his hands right above her knee, the other wrapped around her torso, pulling her close and keeping her warm. She curls into his side, flipping through different channels and apps until she finds a movie they both like. 

Vernon grabs the blanket that is draped over the back of the couch and slings it around the two of them, maneuvering it until it covers their bodies. Basking in his warmth and the added weight of the blanket, she feels at home—cradled in his arms with a movie playing on the television screen. 

[conking]

Opinions on some of your mutuals? OwO

uHH SURE I GUESS 

here we go!

@feroluce: incredible writer, hilarious. always makes me cry. slightly evil. gives off a feel like momo for some reason

@misterdemonkun: PUPPY, very sweet, needs a break, lots of PDA

@snarkyhetalian: sydney is my sister whomst i love, met IRL despite living on different continents, could bench-press me (please do), too smart stop being so good at things

@snoteleks-milk: Toes. an actual sweetheart, art makes me weep, i have choked laughing at him. a bottom.

@chunruu: BABE. works too hard. the most wonderful beautiful person and if i could give kii the world i would. BIG LARGE ART INSPO. alfred titty stan. 

@cosmicmoon13: prime meme queen, writing appears like a ghost in the night, baby gay, suffers because of it

@auro-cyanide: has more shit together than most of us on this hell site, EXTREMELY good at making me want to draw, very kind, creates atmosphere in her art like nobody’s business, good taste, please rest

@iwi1014f: bean child. very kind, going through some shit. comics galore (how?? teach) and also a very cool mysterious apocalyptic furry vibe with art

@itsnojida: we don’t talk much but GOD man art goals. genuinely hilarious. REALLY good at painting, and also very very sweet and kindhearted.

@danzokei: really good great comics that have a 50/50 chance of making me cry laughing or just. crying. so patient with me. the smoothest coolest linework

@aph-purple: my soulmate if only she’d dump her bf for me smh. puts up with so much shit from our squad. mum friend. needs a spa day but won’t let me give her one goddammit purp let me treat you right

this one’s not following me but is in fact my spouse until their hitman tracks me down so @bluekujira:

ho

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

So... spoilery review of MoM after the cut (and you know me, it's going to get long).

I have like a thousand thoughts about this movie. My main concern was Stephen's characterization and that was fine, I liked it and they didn't ruin it which leaves me satisfied. But everything else? It felt like a punch in the gut.

So I have a lot of negative thoughts but let's start with the good ones first.

The Positives

Stephen's characterizarion is fine. He's snarky, he's kind, he's brave, he's so prepared to always help and be of assistance, he's such a diva with the way he left the wedding and changed into his robes mid-air, he's sweet and amazingly selfless (and I'm tired of no one ever acknowleding that in the movies, well, except America maybe). I love him dearly - and OMG that reverence to Wong? I had a huge smile on my face when he did that, that's my boy! (Come on, tell me again how arrogant he is).

I LOVED America. Every single scene she was in, oh she's absolutely wonderful. I really hope we'll see her again because she's fantastic. Her portals opening in the form of a star was pretty cute, too.

I'm happy they kept Wong as the Sorcerer Supreme, by the way. All hail Wong!

They mentioned Donna. They did. Oh boy, they did, I'm so happy. I was expecting a flashback or something but I would have probably shed tears so it's better that way.

Regarding the Illuminati, what a waste. Easily forgotten but this is the positive part of the post so I'll just say that I loved how Charles ignored everyone and showed some faith in Stephen (about damn time someone does!) and he said the line, he said the line™! (Not to be too nitpicky here but uh, Stephen didn't stumble and he didn't lose his way either so the line doesn't really make any sense since it doesn't apply to him but I'll let that slide because I LOVE that line).

And I'm going to put this in the positive side of things because I'm petty as all hell: I saw Peggy die after she said a bunch of words that DO NOT BELONG TO HER. And it was wonderful. I (silently) clapped in fact. Yes, I hate her. And yes, I was alone and no one saw me doing it lol

I suspect Charlize is Clea, right? I'm looking forward to that. Charlize Theron and Benedict Cumberbatch? YES PLEASE.

The Negatives

I had been tagging my posts for months with "Keep Waldron away from Stephen" for a damn reason. And I was right. At least there's a silver lining to it all: he didn't ruin Loki because he hated him, he ruined Loki because Waldron is a terrible writer.

First off, I will never forgive them for healing his hands.

(So as it turns out I was wrong about his hands and they didn't fix them which makes me very happy. What I wrote in this 1st part is removed now)

Second, I knew Waldron wouldn't understand his relationship with Christine. It's one of the BEST things about DS1, that they love each other so much but know they can't be together, it works in the origin movie because they arrive at a mutual understanding together - and they still keep that love for each other no matter what happens. But of course how the hell is Michael "kiss your fucking sister" Waldron going to understand platonic love? And friendship? Of course he doesn't! They spent the whole freaking movie linking Stephen's happiness to Christine which is so damn frustrating as if he couldn't find happiness in so many other ways, with any kind of relationship, through achievements, etc.

Especially when in the end they're not going to end up together anyway! What's the point, then? If you want to explore why Stephen isn't happy then do it, go back and truly dive deep into his life because the answer is right there. They mentioned Donna, and that's fine, but what about also talking about how that hurt him, changed him, shaped him, why he doesn't have any friends not even in Kamar-Taj, to the point of going to the wedding alone, not telling Wong about it either... you want to talk about his lack of happiness? That's awesome! But why is it that the only way Waldron refers to it is through (lack of) romance?

Third, the whole damn movie I kept thinking that Wanda was going through another WandaVision and Stephen was being given the Loki treatment. Wanda has no fucking arc whatsoever, she keeps saying "my boys" every 2 minutes when at the end of her series she understood what she had done was wrong and she has never wanted to hurt people willingly! Look, I really would love a chat with Waldron to explain to him the difference between morally grey vs villain because he doesn't get it. And at the end she's killed? Oh no, worse, she kills herself?

What's the point of her wanting to travel to the multiverse to her boys when she could just create another Hex with just her and her kids? And her descend to villainy is so sudden, as well. She left Westview accepting that she had been wrong, taking responsibility for it, apologizing for it, and she left to be alone with the Darkhold. And yes I know it corrupts people (I remember AoS and Aida) but still, Wanda was NEVER a villain. And if the point they wanted to make was that the book had corrupted her they could have done it so much better.

Also, I was under the impression Wanda was a Nexus being? I'm probably wrong but I was surprised there were variants of her in the multiverse.

And speaking of variants... Stephen's variants they're all evil, on the top of being arrogant of course, we shall never forget calling him that in every movie otherwise people might forget. And that chat with the Illuminati where they were basically telling him he's a piece of shit because the Stephen of their universe did something wrong... uh so are we blaming 616 Stephen for shit the 838 Stephen had done? It's the Loki series all over again!

Fourth, Peggy freaking Carter again. Look, it's a damn insult to Steve's character that they gave her his "I can do this all day". Shame on Feige, on Marvel, on Waldron, and anyone who had a say on that. How dare you give that line to a woman who willingly hired a nazi who had tortured and ruined Bucky's life to work for Shield and the American government. How dare you take that line from a man who spent his life fighting fascism and defending civil rights and protecting the weak and give it to someone who worked with nazis. Oh and they called her the first Avenger!

Fifth and last. Queer rep, huh? Absolutely non-existent. Well, America says she had two moms, that's what Disney and Marvel call representation. It's unacceptable that America Chavez, a character who has been a huge icon for the queers, has her sexuality completely erased in this movie. Not a damn word.

No wait, there's another, sixth. Stephen can read sanskrit but I'm supposed to believe he doesn't speak nor understand Spanish? Don't make me laugh.

There's probably more I haven't mentioned but this got long enough. Overall I'll give the movie a 5/10 only for not ruining Stephen's characterization + because I love America + both Christines were absolutely wonderful + Wong is still the Sorcerer Supreme. No more than 5 because Stephen is not the centre of the story and he's sidelined for the most part, and they turned Wanda into something she's not.

And one last thing that's not related to MoM but I feel like sharing: they showed the L&T teaser and the new Avatar trailer. The latter got a higher cheer than the former. Make of that what you wish...

[sunarindior]

deja vu.

sypnosis: Jean was never the guy to reuse old habits he had with his ex. But that changed when he started dating Mikasa after him and Y/N broke up. He started reusing the habits and places he does and would go to when he was with Y/N. He thought, maybe he still loves her. However, the feelings aren’t mutual anymore. Y/N already moved on but when she knew about what Jean has been doing, she has one question for him.

Do you get deja vu when she’s with you?

Pairing: Jean Kirstein X Fem! Reader, Jean Kirstein X Mikasa Akermann, slight! Porco X Reader, mention of Ymir X Historia

warnings: angst, modern au!, one or two curse words, author/third POV, proofread once by me!

a/n: aaah! finally, I have published this one-shot, deja vu by Olivia Rodrigo has been stuck in my mind. And I thought why not make a oneshot with her song. little disclaimer! Mikasa and Y/N do not know each other or anything but both have mutual friends (Ymir & Historia)!

italicized female pronouns are talking about Y/N!

italicized bold are memories!

word count: 1.2k words

taglist: @chxrcxal

Car rides to Malibu

Strawberry ice cream, one spoon for two

Jean has been noticing something he has been doing with Mikasa. He loves her, more than anything. But does he really?

Every month, he and Mikasa drove to Malibu, just to buy strawberry ice cream and look at the sunset together.

Like what he does with her.

And tradin' jackets

Laughin' 'bout how small it looks on you

They would exchange jackets whenever both of them are bored. And Mikasa would laugh at Jean how small her jacket would look when he tries it on.

Like how she laughs at him whenever they do it too.

Watching reruns of Glee

Bein' annoying, singin' in harmony

Jean loves Glee, to the point that he and Mikasa would rewatch reruns of it every Friday and Saturday night.

Mikasa wouldn’t remind him every day that they would watch reruns, unlike her, she always reminds Jean that they would watch their favorite series together.

I bet she's braggin'

To all her friends, sayin' you're so unique

Mikasa would brag to her friend, Historia of how unique Jean is. On how amazing he comes up with dates and places they would go to.

Historia is Ymir’s girlfriend, and Ymir is her bestfriend.

Ymir would tell her what Jean does. Not that she cares about what he does. It’s just that he does things he used to do with her.

So when you gonna tell her that we did that, too?

She thinks it's special, but it's all reused

When she found out about this, she was out on a date with Porco, who she loves dearly and who loves her with the exact amount she does, or even more.

And one question was stuck in her mind for Jean.

Do you get deja vu when she’s with you?

That was our place, I found it first

I made the jokes you tell to her when she's with you

She would’ve never thought that Jean would reuse their old habits and places. He could’ve at least changed it up a bit and not to the point that everything is the same as what they used to do.

Do you get deja vu when she's with you?

Do you get deja vu? Ah, hmm

Do you get deja vu, huh?

Jean also notices this after four months of dating Mikasa. He notices that the things he does with Mikasa are the same as what he used to do with Y/N.

“Jean say ah!” said Mikasa who was sitting at the hood of his car with Jean and pointing the spoon to Jean

“Say aaah!” Y/N said while moving the spoon to Jean

“Jean? You there?” Mikasa asked and waved her free hand in front of Jean

“Huh? yeah. Sorry I was thinking of something”

Do you call her, almost say my name?

'Cause let's be honest, we kinda do sound the same

“Y/- Mikasa! say ah!” Jean almost slipped up, good thing that he stopped himself immediately.

“Aaah!” Mikasa opened her mouth and ate the ice cream Jean gave her.

Another actress

I hate to think that I was just your type

“Jean, what do you like about me?” Mikasa asked him while laying down the hood of his car and looked at him

“Jean!” Y/N happily called her lover and asked, “what do you like about me?” while looking at Jean’s eye with admiration

“Because you’re my type!”

“Because you’re my type ‘Kasa” He replied while smiling and stroking her cheek with his thumb

And I bet that she knows Billy Joel

'Cause you played her "Uptown Girl"

“Hey ‘Kasa, come here. I’ll play you my favorite song to play on the piano, “Uptown Girl” by Billy Joel” Jean said and made Mikasa sit beside him on the piano bench.

“Come here Jean! I’ll teach you one of my favorite songs!” Y/N held Jean’s hand and lead him to the piano at the university’s music room

“This is “Uptown Girl” by Billy Joel” she explained and patted the piano bench

You're singin' it together

Now I bet you even tell her how you love her

In between the chorus and the verse (I love you)

“Mikasa,” Jean suddenly called the person beside him while not taking his eyes off the piano keys “Yeah?” Mikasa looked at him

“I love you” He said and suddenly looked at her eyes as he plays through the chorus.

“Y/N” Jean suddenly called her while she plays the piano keys, she only answered him with a gentle hum. “I love you” he said while he looks at her full of love and while she plays through the chorus.

So when you gonna tell her that we did that, too?

She thinks it's special, but it's all reused

“Come on babe! Let’s drive to Malibu! I know a good place there that sells ice cream”

“Babe! How ‘bout we go to Malibu?” Y/n suddenly asked looking up at him while they cuddle.

“Hm? Suddenly?” Jean replied and looked at her

“I know a good ice cream place there! I promise you, it's worth it”

That was the show we talked about

Played you the song she's singing now when she's with you

“Babe? It's Friday, let’s watch Glee?” Mikasa asked as she cuddles up Jean

“Babe! Tomorrow’s already Friday! Let’s ready Glee already!” Y/N happily said while sitting on Jean’s lap

“What got you so excited? It’s not even Friday morning yet.”

“It's your favorite, of course, i’ll get excited”

Do you get deja vu when she's with you?

Do you get deja vu? (Oh-oh)

Do you get deja vu?

Every time Jean’s with Mikasa, he can’t help but get deja vu. Especially at moments, he used to do with Y/N.

And he can’t help but think,

Do I still love her?

Strawberry ice cream in Malibu

Don't act like we didn't do that shit, too

Now that he notices that he gets deja vus, he can’t help but think about Y/N.

He would always have flashbacks of the things he used to do with Y/N when he does it with Mikasa.

You're tradin' jackets like we used to do

(Yeah, everything is all reused)

Jean thought he never loved someone like how he loves Mikasa. But he was wrong.

He never loved someone like how he loves Y/N

Play her piano, but she doesn't know

That I was the one who taught you Billy Joel

A different girl now, but there's nothing new

He was planning to talk to Y/N, to ask her back.

But he suddenly stopped.

When he saw something he thought he wouldn’t expect.

I know you get deja vu

I know you get deja vu

He saw Y/N the person who he thought he doesn’t love anymore, laughing happily with her new boyfriend.

Her shoulder to cry on, the one who was with her when they broke up, and the reason why Jean had a big bruise on his right cheek for a week or two.

She was smiling so much, like how she would smile at Jean.

Jean suddenly got deja vu when he saw her hugging Porco while moving side to side, as if their dancing with music.

And suddenly Jean finally noticed it, he always gets deja vu when he’s with Mikasa.

I know you get deja vu

fin.

a/n: so how was it? I hope you guys liked it! Send me an ask for your comments regarding this oneshot! <3

© SUNARINDIOR

[jellyluchi]

It's the one year anniversary of jellyluchi!!! 🥳💜🥰

I'm so happy I made this blog... I didn't think it would function the way it does now, at all! The way I was used to participating in fandom was very different back then. I would make graphics and maybe write canon ship fics. I made this account just to read Prosciutto x reader works, that's it 💀 and maybe find old content of him. I wasn't used to reading x reader works and I thought it was extremely embarrassing because self-shipping is frowned upon and people looked down on others who enjoy x reader fanfics. No one understood my self-ship with him and how I love him.

I was afraid of exposing myself on main for some reason and was EXTREMELY shy about my love for Pros. I couldn't even talk about him without going on anon (shoutout to [insert some blogs I'm too shy to mention] who I sent anons to thirsting after Prosciutto back then and feeling sad about shipping with him, some of whom are my MUTUALS now?!??! which is crazy) and was sad all the time thinking I was no good for him. But he made me so incredibly happy I just had to have a sanctuary where I could archive all my absolute favorite content for him. And thus, this blog was born.

I used to frequent other people '#prosciutto' tag very obsessively and read and re read so many of my fav works that I was frustrated having to bookmark the links instead of just going to a tag I made myself. I did want to start writing for him because I knew in the coming months that content for La Squadra would dwindle (especially for Pros) so I thought I could make content for myself to make me happy. (Shoutout to creators who write and draw for La Squadra!!! YOU are the backbone!!!). I was too scared to share my writing at first thinking it'd be no good either but I'm so glad it is received well, at this point I'm just happy to have fun with everyone instead of worrying if my content is good / bad etc 🥺

The idea of making an OC was completely out of the question! I'd never done anything in-depth like that before despite trying to make OCs in the past which ended up in me not being passionate enough to develop them. But because of the help and inspiration I've encountered here I was able to pull through and create a character that I love very very dearly.

Then came the wonderful people I met because of this blog in the past year. I couldn't thank each person enough for what they've done for me 🥺 every single person who's interacted with me has encouraged me to show my love for Pros more and not be ashamed and it lead me to be so much more of a happier person. This blog most definitely changed my life! In so many ways !! I made wonderful friends and memories thanks to this blog, found a community of people that help me feel accepted and who have fostered a better friendship with me than I could do for many years!!! In previous fandoms I tried to connect with large groups but inevitably there would be a fallout and I wouldn't be interested anymore (or worse, getting involved in drama). In the end I would lose passion for the source material and move on. But I feel like the connections are very personal this time around 🥰.

I just hope to continue making happy memories with this blog, it's such a big part of me now, I don't even check my main blog anymore. This is one of the only places I can be honest about my feelings and have fun which is so important to me! Thank you for everyone who has stuck around so far idk how to thank you enough 🥺💜💜💜 Thank you for your love and support, for encouraging me, for liking my thoughts and feeling for Pros and my ramblings about Focaccia, and everything else in between!!!! There were many times I thought perhaps I should abandon this place but... I'm so happy I stuck around. Here's to many more years!!!

[wanderlust-songbird]

Major Update - 23/1/22

//This was something that I wanted to address for some time, but work has been quite hectic lately.

First off, I want to say that I’m officially making Vega & Corvallis the main muses on the blog. I know some of my mutuals did catch on to Vega being one that from how I’ve been making changes here & there on the mobile theme. But I did want people to know that there will be two. This mainly has to do with the fact that I want to focus on both of them. Corvallis especially since I do need to be more used to playing him more as I was given this muse.

Speaking of muse giving, I did also mention at least twice within later part of last year that I was going to find someone to take in, or at least co-own, Kanaria. Again, this was because I no longer have the muse to really play her or really do much with her like I used to & I felt that someone else should play her as I didn't want her to be left put away & unused for good.

After discussing with a lot of my close mutuals & having to hear 'No' each time, a close mutual did offer to take & play her if no one else did. It was agreed that it would be a co-ownership. Unless they want me to let mutuals know (I haven't even told my Discord mutuals who it is either by the way), then I'm going to refrain from saying who & redirecting you all to them. This mainly has to do with what I gave them & whether or not they will make changes should they find it necessary.

Since I don't have the muse to play her, that does mean that I would sadly be retiring from playing her for now (I might get inspiration to play her again one day, who knows?). But I'm still willing to answer OOC questions about her until possibly later into the year. This can be from HCs to plans that I had for her in terms of the old WS project. I might even commission people to draw her just to have more references. After all, Kanaria is still my baby & I love her dearly, even if I'm letting someone else take the reins.

Also, I'm currently still debating on whether to change the blog name to one that suits the blog considering Vega. I'll inform you guys about it if I do end up going with a name change later.

Another thing is that I do need to figure out what to do with Alaric since he was a big part of the WS project. Unlike with Corvallis & most of my other OCs, I didn't actually think about what to do with him for the new project I'm planning revolving Vega. So there may or may not be changes from his original role in those. But his personality will remain the same regardless.

I think that's pretty much everything that I need to say. I do appreciate everyone who took the time to read this!

As for info posts, I'm gradually getting to those. It's just that the whole case with Kanaria as well as work have kept me from getting those done as they'll be used for my new project. Hopefully, I can make a lot of progress in the coming months.

Lastly, I'm starting to get a bit comfortable with writing NSFW again. But it'll take some more time to actually be fine with writing such threads here & not just drabbles.

- Lady Datura/M.S Innoxia

[wildlittlefoxsworld]

Matchmakers (Part 1) | The Old Guard | Booker x Fem!Reader

Summary: Reader has a friend with benefits in London, but secretly likes Booker. Reader's friend has no time for her, but she's stressed and frustrated. Nicky and Joe know that Booker likes her too, and decided to help the Reader.

Warnings: sexual frustrated!reader, friends with benefits, misunderstandings, anxious feelings

Words: 1.9 k +

Second part

Masterlist

***

You sat on the dining table with your face in your hands in the little cottage near Rome that was owned by Joe and Nicky. You all came here after you had a mission that went well, but you were all really exhausted afterwards. Originally you wanted to stay here for a week and then leave to visit an old friend of you in London, it was still possible for you to have contact to your friends, you weren’t so old, but you were sure it could be only for one or two more years before they would notice that you weren’t aging. But now you were here for thirteen days already, because your friend was on sudden business trip and you had no other place to go.

But that wasn’t the reason you sat on the dining table with fingers in your hair and pulling on the roots a little rougher while you groaned loudly.

“What’s the matter, principessa?” You heard Nicky’s voice and flinched when he sat down next to you on the table. You weren’t aware that he entered the room and you lifted your head lazily.

“You seem very frustrated about something. Do you want to talk about it?” Nicky considered and you frowned. Nicky had a good knowledge of human nature and you weren’t in the mood to talk about your problems, so you just shrugged and your head sink down on the surface of the table.

“Maybe I can help?” Nicky suggested and you shook your head.

“No one could help me,” you muttered.

Nicky laughed about your answer. “For every problem there is a solution. But when you need help, you should tell someone if you want to solve the problem.”

You groaned again. “And how do you want to help me?” you snapped and felt instantly bad to get shirty with him. “I’m sorry,” you mumbled.

“It’s okay. I could search Andy, maybe it’s easier for you to talk to her,” Nicky continued to make suggestions and you burst out laughing in disbelief.

“Andy would tell me to stick myself together. I don’t think it’s a good idea. Then I would rather talk to you.”

“Why don’t you do it then?” Nicky smiled encouraging and you sighed.

“I can’t… it’s embarrassing,” you whispered and you didn’t dare to look in his eyes. He would probably laugh about it.

“Well, I’m sure I heard worse,” Nicky replied seriously with a sly smile. “Come on, Y/N, or I have to guess. I have a clue. You don’t need to be afraid; I’m not going to tell anyone, not even Joe.”

“What you aren’t going to tell me? You have secrets from me, my love?” Joe said playfully pouting from behind you and you groaned a third time burying your face in your hands.

“Is she okay?” Joe asked Nicky worriedly and you heard him moving a chair. He sat down and took Nicky’s hand in his.

“I’m not sure, amore mio, she doesn’t want to tell,” Nicky explained with a still serious voice.

“I’m still here, no need to talk in third person about me,” you grumbled and leaned back with crossed arms over your chest.

Joe laughed and tried to hide it as he clasped a hand over his mouth. “Why are you so mad? Is it your time of the month? Or what is wrong?”

You scrunched your face up in annoyance and turned your head away. “Stop your churlishness,” Nicky scolded him and bopped him playfully. “That’s a delicate topic.”

“Y/N, just tell us and we search for a solution or I just say what I think your problem is.” Nicky was giving you a last chance and you shook your head.

“I can’t be that worse. We can help out in every aspect. We are family, Y/N, we are there for each other,” Joe assured you, but you ignored him and made a huffing noise. You weren't mad with them, you were mad about yourself.

Joe looked helplessly to Nicky and you interpreted Nicky’s gaze, you were in a trap. He wouldn’t let go and you will feel embarrassed for the rest of your immortal life.

“Don’t worry, Joe, you didn’t say anything wrong. I think she’s simply sexual frustrated. I assume your friend in London is the reason for this dilemma and I know he’s too busy to spend time with you,” Nicky deadpanned and your eyes widened in shock. He was good, a good observer and you were trapped. Well, you could always leave, but he wouldn’t stop worrying about you. Nicky didn’t want to be mean or to offend you, but it was still awkward.

“That’s all?” Joe asked confused. “Well, you could visit him when he has free time again or just pick someone in a bar near here. The language shouldn’t be the problem.”

“I don’t like one-night stands,” you answered Joe back and didn’t want to meet his gaze. “Now the cat is out of the bag, but do we really need to talk about it?”

“We don’t have to, but you’re stressed and that isn’t healthy. You need something to release your stress. Did you try something else than sex? Boxing with a sandbag? Running?” Nicky proposed gently and you sighed again.

“I went yesterday and today for a one and a half hour run, but I don’t feel better.” You shrugged again and twirled a strain of your hair between your thumb and forefinger.

Nicky and Joe exchanged looks and you knitted your brow. “What do you have in mind?”

It wasn’t the way you thought the day would go. You talked two hours ago with your friend from London and he would be back on Saturday and you planned to take a flight on the same day. But until then you needed to survive four more days and you didn’t have an idea how to do this.

“Well, principessa, if sports don’t help and you don’t want to be with a stranger, your friend isn’t available anyway; you should maybe spend time with someone you know already.”

You were taken aback for a second and then you shook your head in disbelief. “And who? My only friend with whom this kind of arrangement is possible lives in London. My other friends are female or married.”

Nicky smiled conspiratorial and you quirked an eyebrow. You held your breath and braised yourself for what Nicky was going to say. You hoped he wouldn’t suggest that you should spend some time with Joe and him, because it would be very weird. You wouldn’t agree with this.

“Don’t panic, Y/N. I know you have a little crush, we saw your lingering and admiring gaze,” Joe explained with a mocking tone. But you panicked and whimpered a little. That couldn’t be true. Did they really think you have a crush on them? You couldn’t tell. Yes, you knew them for a while now, but you couldn’t figure out. You gulped nervously and looked at them, expecting the worst.

“I can assure you that your feelings are returned from your crush,” Nicky said with a smile.

“I hope we’re talking about the same person. Yes, I can’t deny that I have a crush on someone, but…” Your voice broke at the end and you bit your lip agitated. Nicky watched you and he noticed that you didn’t feel well with the conversation. He admitted that their words were mysterious and that it made you only confused.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I thought it was obvious… I mean Booker,” Nicky explained hastily and your head fell forwards in relief, placing your hand above your heart.

“Oh god, I thought for the past minutes you meant yourselves,” you responded and laughed assuaged.

“With all my respect for you, I see you as a sister. I love you dearly, Y/N, but my heart only belongs to Joe.”

You nodded in agreement. “That would’ve been so weird.”

“Yeah, we're family, but there we make a boundary,” Joe chuckled and the mood lightened up slightly.

You were so anxious the whole time that you didn't realize what Nicky had told you about the feelings of your crush. “Were you serious? When you told me about… about… Booker's feelings for me. Why are you sure that he does like me?”

Nicky inclined his head and smirked. “He told me.”

“What?… When?… I mean he really told you that…,” you stuttered and couldn't believe his words, yet you knew he wouldn't lie to you.

“Booker… he got very upset… two months ago. That was last time when you left to visit your friend in London. He spoke about how you always run into your lover's arms and someday he will break your heart, because he grow old and you will be always young.”

“He isn't my lover or my boyfriend, we are just friends that, well, you know,” you clarified and Nicky nodded.

“We told him that you aren't in a relationship with him and then Booker said that your friend doesn't derserve you. It was impossible to imagine for Booker how your friend couldn't love you. And he said that he can treat you better, that you deserved to be loved.”

You were shocked and overwhelmed with emotions, to hear those words about Booker's feelings for you. He didn't just like you, he was in love with you, at least you hoped for it. You never imagined that he would return your feelings and you never noticed any sings that he felt mutual.

“Booker really cares about you,” Joe mentioned with a honest gaze to you. “I watched him the last eight weeks. On every mission he was close to you, he protected and always checked first on you. Also at home, he took care of you, looked after of you and tried to spend more time with you. I'm sure you're his priority.”

You got tears in your eyes and they rolled down your cheeks, angrily you wiped them away. You felt stupid that you wasted so much time in London, you could have something so much better.

“I understand why he never said something. I assume he thought that I'm not intersted in him, because I travelled so often to London. I didn't even see that he wanted to spend more time with me. I just thought he wanted to be nice…”

Nicky and Joe simply nodded and Nicky gave you a tissue for the tears.

“What should I supposed to do now?” You mumbled crestfallen and took a deep breath.

“Of course you should tell him!” Nicky exclaimed

“If it's not too late. He could reject me,” you complated the possibility he couldn't want you.

“You will never know if you don't try it,” Joe said convincing. You kne he was right and you nodded nervously.

“Where is he?”

“In the living room working on his laptop,” Nicky answered smiling and nodded towards the hallway that leaded in the living room.

Now or never, you told yourself.

***

What do you think?

[theyilinglaozus]

Oh yes, JC and WWX are a very well written sibling relationship, just like all the others! Each one is different, and that's what makes them unique, I don't think I've ever seen a series with such well written, and well developing, relationships! Even though it is very heartbreaking, indeed, and I'm still sad that JC and WWX didn't get to reconcile in the end... although that was plausible. "What am I supposed to do? Say thank you, and then sorry?" sums it up p well -✨

as JC cannot change the past anymore, he now knows that WWX was not the one mainly responsible for all the terrible things but after all that happened I understand that there is no reconciliation, even though it does break my heart. The friendships between WN and WWX/NHS and WWX are some of my favourites as well! Especially NHS and WWX, they're just so innocent in the beginning and seeing how time changes them is very interesting. My fav sibling dynamic to explore is NHS and NMJ, though! -✨

It's very interesting how different they are, and obviously NHS loved NMJ a great deal, while NMJ was rather strict to him... I'm also not ashamed of saying I love modern AUs where they're best bros. One of my favourite modern AU things, though, is platonic 3zun and WWX/NHS//JYL/JZX all coexisting and 3zun being excited brothers about everything. Now, do you enjoy reading modern AUs? And what's your favourite fanfic plot/trope, no matter if set in canon or AU? -✨

Ugh, the variation and depth to all the sibling and friend relationships in MDZS are just 👏 so 👏 good! It really makes it difficult to pick favourites sometimes, doesn’t it? I adore Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng and knew from the get go they were my favourite siblings, but then you have their interactions with Yanli too who is, best older sister right there alongside Wen Qing. I have a bit of a weakness for well written sibling bonds, so finding so many in the series without expecting it? Honestly, it just made me love the series all the more 💖

I absolutely agree with you! Half the heartache of Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng’s lack of reconciliation is just ... where do you even begin, really? All either of them ever wanted to do was protect the other, and look what happened. There’s a lot of anger and resentment (on Jiang Cheng’s part at least) there, but also a lot of yearning and sadness. Because they love each other so dearly and both want to be brothers again, but they’re older now and know that sometimes, you just can’t return to the way things were 💔

I actually sort of see the end of the drama as rather hopeful for their relationship, though. Because the important thing (at least on Wei Wuxian’s part) has been talked about, and even if Jiang Cheng is still struggling with the golden core reveal, it’s the step forward they needed. Jin Ling knows the two of them want to talk and sort things out but are too stubborn to do so ... but I wouldn’t be surprised if Jin Ling ends up bringing them together somehow. He is, after all, their sisters’ son for all he seems to mirror Jiang Cheng. Jin Ling has her caring side and the stubborn side to likely lock them in a room together until they talked things through 😂

The Nie brothers are so interesting! They care so much (enough that Nie Huaisang came up with the ultimate revenge plan. Honestly, what a king 👑). Have you had a chance to watch Fatal Journey with them at all? It’s high up on my to watch list, and it looks so intriguing! To be honest I think Huaisang is just an incredible character anyway. His brother is a little strict, yes, but it feels like tough love to me. Mingjue knows what Huaisang is really capable of and what potential he has, even with the facade Huaisang puts up for the rest of the world. 

Oh, I love reading modern AU’s 😍 Since we’ve shared fic recs before CC, here are a few good ones I’ve read recently: Martial Claims by yeolinski, I’ll have you and you’ll have me by sundiscus and These Things Stay the Same by notevenyou.

As for tropes ... oh, wow. It sort of depends on the pairing and the story. I’ve read a lot of fic set in settings that I never thought I’d like half as much as I do, and a lot of the time it’s down to how good the writing is! As clique as it sounds, I do enjoy a good coffee shop or college au from time to time. But I also really enjoy things like ‘meeting in a bookstore’ or ‘flowershop au’s’. I think my favourite tropes are sort of getting together, mutual pining, miscommunication and a lot of fluff and comfort smut is always welcome too, but sometimes it’s not necessary if the story doesn’t feel it needs it, you know? 

At the moment, I have found that I am yearning for a good ice skating!wangxian fic. I think that’s due to a mix of me thinking it would be perfect for them, watching this ice skating performance too many times for it to be regarded as healthy, desperately missing watching ice skating on the telly, the announcement for more Yuri on Ice a while back, and it just being winter time 😅 (Plus like ... wangxian ice skating to songs Lan Wangji writes and creates for Wei Wuxian them? Perfect!)

I have found that for wangxian (since that’s the Untamed ship I read the most) that I prefer modern AU’s for the getting together, and canon more for established relationships / exploring already existing character connections. Not saying it doesn’t switch out between the two ever, but I just seem to gravitate to that more. 

I know you mentioned before you often write darker fic, but do you have any specific tropes you enjoy reading or writing more than others?

Oh! And while I remember and we’re on the topic of fic, if you enjoy the Nie brothers, I also recommend the fic The Light that Fails to Dim by glowingreverie. It includes a Wei Wuxian that is found and adopted by the Nie sect, Nie brothers (there are three of them with Wei Ying included!), Wei Wuxian still having connections to the Jiang clang, and is honestly just such an unusual yet interesting take on things that I think you’d really enjoy it! 💖