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[kingtomura]

Vitality | 2

Summary: You were always told heroes and villains had no place in your home.  Not when there’s an increase in crime, not when there’s monsters on the loose in Hosu and certainly not when the man in your home raises a hand to you. All it takes is one impulsive decision to change your life forever. content: shigaraki tomura x female reader, slow burn, hurt/comfort, mutual pining, reader has a quirk, graphic depictions of violence, past abuse, past sa, angst, pstd, eventual smut, found family LoV, mdni wc: 3.2k | prev | chapter 3 | m. list | read on ao3

There are tunnels under the bar. They wind and they twist and they are very easy to get lost in. 

That’s the point, Shigaraki tells you when you ask about the arrangement the next day. It had been a struggle to keep up with Kurogiri as he led you to your new living quarters for the first time – now you were able to get away with asking him to teleport you there instead. 

But you agree. 

They should be confusing so no one can easily find where you sleep. 

But not only are they confusing, they are dark, dusty and kind of spooky. Like an ancient vampire's lair or something silly like that. The rooms however, are not so creepy. They are oddly normal and have everything you need. 

Your room contains a desk, bed and empty shelves — ready and waiting to be filled with books. 

The sheets were neatly made and there was a small rug near your bed. You assume it's to break up the bland look of the concrete, but it's fine. For some reason it feels safer than what you've had before. 

A bed, desk and a door with a lock. Yeah, much safer.

There isn��t much time to dwell on the interior design of your new room because a knock at your door shakes you from your thoughts. 

It’s a little late at night for a visitor, but you push past the feeling, spouting a firm come in and waiting on the guest to make themselves known.

You have to will your face to stay neutral as Tomura Shigaraki walks into your room, absently closing the door behind him. He’s wearing the hand-mask, but you can still make out the carmine red of his eyes in the dim lighting of your room.

“Sorry for the intrusion,” he starts, voice sounding anything but apologetic, “but there are a few things I need to know.”

You watch as he stands by the door, hands in his pockets as he goes on, wasting no time questioning you. And you should answer him, especially if you are going to be staying here with them, but your mind cannot process whatever it is he’s saying. 

Everything around you seemed to come to a stop as your eyes and focus pinpointed on the closed door behind him. The feeling of being shut in with another person, another man, makes your throat feel dry and your hands shake. 

Shigaraki is watching, waiting for an answer but you’re frozen — stuck as the walls suffocate your words.

He tilts his head, another question ready to be fired off, maybe to ask about your lack of response, but you beat him to it.

“Could you… open the door? Please.” 

It catches him off guard, but his eyes never leave yours. “Why?”

There is no bite to the question, no malice. Just curious. 

“I just don’t like when doors are closed.” You shrug, refusing to meet his gaze. Desperate to keep some of your diffidence inside, “makes me feel claustrophobic.” 

Shigaraki hums, answer seemingly good enough for him as he turns back to open your door, wide enough that you feel comfortable, but still enough to give you privacy. You feel like you can breathe again.

“Like I was saying,” he picks up again, not missing a beat and pulling out your desk chair to take a seat. “I need a little more information. You say that you stumbled upon Giran, but how? What were you doing before?”

There’s an odd feeling in your chest. One of solid dread that weighed more than a thousand pounds. It made your eyes water and your chest tight, but you willed it all away. You would not break down here in front of a man you knew next to nothing about.

You clench your fists and meet his eyes, there was a decision to be made right now. If this place were to house you then you must do what you could to be honest. Not completely, but enough. 

“I… hurt someone. And I ran away before anyone could find me.”

“And who was the unlucky fellow?” His words are light and dripping with a sarcasm that made you feel like you were walking on eggshells.

“It was,” you stall, pondering if giving him the information would backfire. You decide that it is not something you should hide. There was no erasing the past. “My father.”

There’s a chill that passes through your body as the words leave your lips. The sticky sweet falsehood of the name makes you nauseous. That man is not your father, but it is all you know him as — and who were you to challenge that? Even without his presence. 

Tomura says nothing for a while, drowning the room in a still quiet so thick you almost think he hadn’t heard you. 

“Is he dead?” He asks, raspy voice finally breaking through the quiet. 

“What?” You ask, confusion lining your features. 

“Did you kill him?”

You shake your head, and it feels like you're in the moment again — shattering glass, splash of blood and then silence. The memory of him laying out on the living room floor, blood beginning to pool under his head sends a shiver down your spine. 

“I don't know.” And it's the truth, he could very well be dead, “and I couldn’t risk sticking around to find out. But I didn't mean to–”

“Can you defend yourself?” Shigaraki doesn't miss a beat, unphased by the possibility of you murdering your father and undeterred by your obvious incoming breakdown. 

You look to the floor, eyes focused on the rug below your bed, its curving patterns and the difference of its color against the gray cement floor. “Why?”

“If he’s not dead, if he looks for you — are you able to fight if it comes down to it?”

You can’t. You know that you can’t. You’ve never been able to hold your own against him and it eats you alive every night. So, reluctantly, you shake your head. “No.”

Tomura watches you, it feels like he’s analyzing you with every passing second. He hums, taking your answer in and standing up. “Alright.”

“That’s it?” You question, thinking there would be more to his questions. You may have killed someone and he doesn’t seem to care. Just who was this guy?

Shigaraki turns back to you, feet stopping just before your door, “Oh, yeah. We’ll get you a phone in the morning. Business only. Also, there’s a meeting tomorrow around three. Try not to be late, I hate when people are tardy.” 

You can only nod, watching as he turns away from you and leaves the room. Silence falls in his absence, a thick and loaded tension as you are left with your thoughts.

The idea of your father still being out there, alive and waiting for you makes you feel restless. Your mind races as you curl up under the sheets that were newly yours and pray sleep finds you sooner rather than later. 

—-----------

The meeting is uneventful.

It was a basic introduction, while discussing the plans and next moves for the League of Villains.

All of it feels surreal. One day you’re home wondering if the hell you lived was all your life had in store for you, and the next day you’re free. 

As free as one can be with a group of villains. 

You notice a few things in your first week amongst this new group you’ve joined. 

The first being that the league can be noisy.

It’s all you can think about as you take your place on a vacant barstool in front of the counter. 

“Would you like something to drink?” Kurogiri wastes no time, glass already prepped and ready, with two cubes of ice waiting. 

You shake your head, politely declining, “No, thank you. Alcohol’s not really my thing.” 

“Understood.” The man responds, shadows flaring around his figure like whips, “we also have nonalcoholic drinks.”

You give him a short sure and he pours you a glass of fizzy, clear soda. 

Shigaraki is a few seats down, nursing a glass of whiskey and reading the obituaries of a newspaper — easily ignoring the commotion behind you both. 

It’s hard to tune out the noise, but you try. You’ve been caught up in your thoughts all day, in the idea of your future. There is no guarantee you will be safe amongst villains, but there is nowhere else for you to go. And then there is your father. 

What really came of him? You’ve searched on the new phone Shigaraki gave you, but there are no news articles and no public meetings. If you really did kill him, if you really are free — just what does that mean for you?

“Bullshit!” 

You turn back to the group playing a game of cards. Spinner is losing against Mr. Compress for what he claims is the third time in a row. 

“C’mon Spinner, it's the rules! No, he’s cheating!” Twice and his two-toned persona calls out. The noise in the room was beginning to rise, bringing your anxiety with it. You can’t focus in here, but you don’t really know your way back to your room. 

Someone slams their hand onto the table and the sound makes you jolt, spilling a bit of your drink onto the table. 

You curse under your breath, grabbing a few napkins and cleaning the area. It’s a decent distraction and with it you try to calm your breathing down. Maybe getting lost in the depths of the hideout wouldn’t be so bad. At least no one would notice your absence. 

But someone would. 

“Hey, now,” Shigaraki starts, not taking his eyes off the newspaper in front of him. “Are you trying to give our location away? Lower your voices.”

And just like that, the tension in the room dissipates — taking your brain fog with it. 

Your shoulders relax and the group is now being subjected to Mr. Compress and his never-ending magic tricks. 

By the time night fell you were more than ready to retire to your room. 

“Kurogiri,” you start, hoping to keep your voice low enough to not draw attention. “If it’s not too much trouble, could you help me to my room again? The tunnels have still got me beat.”

To your surprise, Shigaraki raises a hand to stop Kurogiri's response. “Ah, Kurogiri, she’ll never learn if you just do it for her every time. Let me.” He offers, tone a little too flippant for something that should be an inconvenience. It feels like a trap.

You go to refuse, tell him you really don't need the help and you could probably find your own way, but he stops you — one hand held up and waving you off. You swear you could see the hint of a smile underneath the mask. 

“Don’t worry about it. We want you to feel welcomed here in the league.” He goes to stand and you follow, knowing it’s best to go along with it and not against. 

The walk is quiet and the tunnels are long. 

It's dark and decrepit while the cold air makes goosebumps spread across your skin like wildfire. 

Although, you could probably owe some of your unease to your unlikely walking partner. 

You did a little bit of research on your new phone that was given to you. A little deep dive on your new leader, Tomura Shigaraki, and just who he is. For starters, he is a villain who has one of the most destructive quirks you’ve ever seen. 

Decay. 

Tomura Shigaraki is a man with many dreams, those of which supposedly align with another villain — Hero Killer Stain. You don’t know how much of that is true, but you do know that he is dangerous, volatile and not afraid to kill to carry out his dreams.  

It's odd how fate brought you together. All you’ve known is to heal others while he seems to be a professional in death and destruction. Polar opposites. 

In your research you came across an article of the USJ incident, how the Symbol of Peace had been targeted. Shigaraki was the mastermind behind it all. 

It’s almost impressive how he seems to have captivated the attention of the public.

And now the very same Shigaraki is walking you to your room, insisting it is to make sure you don't get lost. Apparently that’s what a good leader would do. 

But there is no such thing as a free lunch. 

“You know,” he starts, interrupting your trail of thoughts, the never ending loop coming to a halt at his words. “There's something about you that's really gotten under my skin.”

Your breath hitches and you wait for him to elaborate. The quiet stretches thin between you both as your steps echo along the tunnels. 

“What’s your purpose here?”

It catches you off guard. “What?”

“Everyone in the league has a goal that they are fighting towards. The goals are like power-ups. I can't figure out yours.”

He’s got you. You don't have a goal, unless he counts survival. But they’re all just trying to survive aren't they?

“We’re all fighting for something or another. Money, freedom, revenge. Those are all important things that will drive you the extra mile in a pinch.” He keeps his tone leveled, innocuous. But you knew better. This is to gauge your resolve and you weren't sure what would come of you if you failed this test.

“What are you getting at Shigaraki?” You can't help the way your eyes narrow, waiting and watching as he brings a hand to the mask on his face. 

“I’m only asking to help you out. You can’t just go with the motions forever, you know.”

This guy thinks he’s so smart, like he’s got you all figured out. It’s irritating. “I’m not!”

Your eyes are glued to him as you both come to a stop. Your hands tremble as you watch him remove the hand from his face. The abrupt action makes you falter and you absently wonder if he’s shown anyone else in the league his face. 

Even in the dim lighting of the tunnels you could still see Shigaraki’s red gaze. 

His eyes consumed you so much that you had to take a step back. And he followed — close, but far enough away. 

“You are. You did what you had to do back then, but what will you do when you’re forced to make a choice like that again?”

The chill air of the tunnels do nothing to calm the heat you feel in your body. The fear and anxiety within your mind manifesting before you in its form of trembling fingers and labored breaths. 

What would you do if you needed to choose again? 

This situation could be over just as much as it could still be lingering. Watching and waiting for you. What would you do then? 

You hate how his tone makes you sweat. 

You hate the way his words make sense.

“An animal backed into a corner has no choice but to fight.” He continues, and you stare — taking in his features in the low light. His skin is pale and there’s something about the scars on his face that make you want to reach out. To see if you could heal them.

To see if he would let you.

You don’t. All you can do is stand before him, dumbfounded and speechless as he tells you the reality you face.  

“There will come a time when your ideals are challenged. What lengths are you willing to go to maintain that freedom? How hard would you strike at those who want to keep you down and dirty like a dog?” Shigaraki tilts his head, hint of a smile gracing his features but it is not one of joy. 

“This is your life. You are the one in control. Not me, not your father — you. I don't expect you to have all the answers now, but never regret making a choice that granted you freedom.” The words make you swallow, how someone could see right through you so easily… It felt absurd.  “And don’t underestimate the lengths you should go to maintain that.”

Shigaraki looks at you for a moment — as if to make sure you’ve taken his words in and then turns away. The silence was thick as he continued his route down the hallway. You drag your feet along to follow, unable to find the words to respond.

You're both arriving in the hall where your room awaits and you bite back a sigh of relief. This trip feels like it took years. 

You both pause in front of the door, staring each other down. It's like you're on another planet completely. 

“Goodnight.” He whispers, voice low as if there were others around to wake. 

Shigaraki places the hand back on his face and brushes by your side, his steps echoing in the vacancy of the tunnel as his words reverberate in your mind.

Tomura Shigaraki is right about one thing. 

You would do anything to keep your freedom.

—------------------

The following days within the league have been mellow. 

As the resident healer you come across all kinds of injuries and scratches that don’t take much effort to heal. It gets you into a routine of some kind. 

Toga, with her minor cuts and bruises, to Spinner who had a massive gash in his arm from lack of practice with his katana. It’s all simple and easy. 

Your current patient, however, is not simple and easy.

Dabi is someone you have had little to no interaction with, the man choosing to spend his time elsewhere and makes his stance with the league known.

He couldn’t care less for any of it. 

Far too focused on his own goals and motives, Dabi tended to be out and about on his own business. 

Your hands tremble as they hover over his bloody arm. Apparently there was a fight and one of the guys caught Dabi off guard. He only managed to cut his arm before being incinerated. 

The heat of his quirk lingers before your hand as you focus your energy into restoring his arm. It was hot and you could only imagine the waves of his flames. 

He says nothing as you work, opting for a comfortable silence in the air of your room. The door is cracked allowing more light of the hallway to bleed into the space. His body is not one that you could ever fully heal. 

The burns were permanent, and with his constant quirk use you don’t think he would stay healed if you tried.

Your eyes trail up his arm and you notice the glint of the silver staples along his body. Then up towards the silver lining his face. You can't imagine how painful something like that must feel. 

Your eyes trail further up until you meet the cerulean blue of his. The sudden contact makes you instantly dart your gaze to the floor and the realization of being caught staring leaves you feeling unsettled. You’re not sure how long he’s been watching you, but it makes your stomach turn.  

Shigaraki has no use for harming you, but you didn’t know Dabi. 

You finish healing him and he stands, boots loud against the cement as he makes his way to the door. 

He pauses, opting to give you one last look. “You should really work on that.”

You know he’s not talking about your abilities. Your demeanor could use a lot of work.

You can’t help but agree.

[sillylittlejellyfish]

Friends? - Theodore Nott

Warnings: English is not my first language,sorry for any spelling mistakes. Underage drinking,bit of angst, Cormac Mclaggen

Pairing:Theo Nott x fem!reader

Summary: You and Theo have this situationship, where you like each other,but don't know how to say it,so you stay as "friends".

a/n: this is my first imagine,I didn't like it that much,but I hope you guys like it<3

It's not a secret for anyone that you and Theo have something going on between you too, everybody know that you guys like eachother,but when will you two finally realize that your feelings are equivalent?

You were in the Slytherin's common room,there was a party going on, Slytherin won a  quidditch game against Gryffindor. Theo was by your side,one hand in your thigh and the other on your waist. Now you're talking with Pansy.

"Did you see Potter's face? It was hilarious" "I know right? Draco really did a good job today" you said as you feel Theo tightening his grip on you.

"Only Draco did a good job,love?" You feel Theo whispering on your ear,"You know you did a good job too, Theo! I'm proud of you" you whispered back and then pansy said"I will get a drink now,bye lovebirds "

Theo starts kissing you at the same time as Pansy go away "I missed you,cara mia" " I missed you too Theo,but you can't just keep doing things like that in public,y'know? We're not a couple,and acting like that will make people think that we're dating"

"And what is the problem in that?" "The problem is that we aren't dating Theo! We're nothing more than friends and you have to put that in your mind" Theo's face gets serious and then he says " Alright then,if you don't want me to do it in public,I won't do it,but I think we should stop this, y'know "

"What do you mean stop this?" "We should stop kissing  and etc,y'know,that's not really a thing that 'friends' are supposed to do" "Alright,if that's what you want. I'm going to crab a drink"

[...]

2 weeks passed since you and Theo had that argument,and still you two haven't talked with each other,even your friends thinks this is bullshit and that you two are being stubborn,but you two don't seen to care. You try to show you don't care,but you've been distant of your friend group recently,and at this point,you think everyone in the group already knows what happened between you and Theo, after telling Pansy about,you knew all the group would know about it too.

This days you even avoided eating with them in the lunch, actually, you've been avoiding going to the great hall.

Now you're in potion class,you're sitting with Cedric,your best friend,even if he's a hufflepuff, you've been friends since forever.

"I think you two like each other,but don't admit it,and keep saying 'oh we're friends,and nothing more' and all this shit,but deep inside,you guys know you're made for each other. You haven't been smiling that much,since you two had that argument and in my opinion,you should talk to each other"

"I know Ced,I like him,but we're just friends and I bet he doesn't even think of me that way"

"You're a dummy for thinking like this"

[...]

More weeks passed by,and you still haven't talked with Theo. You're always looking at each other from across the room,but none of you would say a word.

Today it was having another party,but this one was with the all the Hogwarts's houses.

You were with Cedric,but you got thirsty "Ced,I'm going to grab a drink,okay?" "Okay,I'll be here" "Don't worry,you can go to Cho" "Alright,if you need anything,I'll come as fast as I can"

You went to the kitchen,got your drink and when you were going back to where the party was going on, someone stopped you. "Hello there, beautiful" Cormac smiled at you "Uhm.. hi Cormac,do you need something?" "Just thought that maybe we could hang out some time,love" he says as he get closer "I don't want to, Cormac" "Come on beautiful,you know you want me too" he put his hands on your waist "Get off of me, Cormac " "Oh,come on lov-"

"She said to get off of her" "Come on,mate! You haven't even talked in weeks,so don't bother us"

Theo punched him and said "get out of here before I kill you, idiot"

You and Theo watch as Cormac get out of the kitchen "are you okay?" "Yeah,uhm... I think I'm fine,thank you for helping me" you smile at Theo "Anytime... I missed you "

"I missed you too Theo"

"Your smile is beautiful"

You chuckle "Thank you"

"Listen,I love you,okay? There isn't a time at the day that I don't think about you,you're beautiful,not only your the way you look,but your personality too, you're funny,gentle and very sweet to other, which don't match with Slytherin 'mean personality',and that shows that we don't necessarily need to be mean,and I love the way you smile,I love your hair,and I love your eyes,I love everything in you. And say that we're just friends,but I'm catching across the room,always. You're always in my mind,and I don't know if you feel the same way,you probably don't,but I don't see myself without you"

"Theo,I love you too,so so much,I didn't tell you sooner because I thought you didn't feel the same way I did,and I didn't want to finish what we had,because for me,it was better to stay like that,than lose you forever"

"Your not going to lose me,your the most precious thing I have in my life and I will not let you go"

Theo kisses you while pulling you by your waist,he grabs your thighs put you on the counter,while the kiss get more heated as he pulls you closer. You put one hand in his neck and the other under his shirt.

"Wow,looks like you finally spoke to each other again,huh?" Pansy said chuckling

[thankeywa]

hi babes i hope YOU MISSED MY SUPER DETAILED REQUESTS! so, for a long time now im craving for the “rut”, “heat”, “nest” and other a/b/o dynamics inserted on avatar universe, so i WAS HOPING:

could you pretty please write something about lo’ak and reader (a female na’vi) where they're best friends and both insanely in love w each other – reader already had her "cerimony" meaning she needs to find a partner soon, but lo'ak has been convincing readers parents to decline any mate offers because none of them is good enough for her. one day, reader's heat come and bsf lo’ak comes to the rescue? i need a cocky possessive lo’ak in my life and I KNOW you're the one whos gonna gimme !!!!!

lov u, drink water and stay safe <3

The Right Profile | Lo'ak x fem!Omaticaya! reader (a/b/o smut).

Happy Valentine's Day to all my readers! As always, requests are open. Minors DNI!

A.N= everyone needs to know that every time you send me a request my mind makes me put everything on standby until I get it done. Also, I have a major weakness for a/b/o and I've been dying for someone to send me a request like this, so yeah, your wish is my command. For anyone who wanted the new installment of Star-crossed instead of this, you can send your complaints to @punkrockrogers (I'm kidding, obviously).

Summary: exactly what's in the request but I found some juicy canon info about Lo'ak failing to tame an ikran on his first attempt and almost dying in the process, and you can bet I'm going to use that for this fic. So, our boi failed his driver's test therefore he does not get to smash. Both Lo'ak and reader are aged up (20 y/o). Title from the song 'The right profile' by the Clash. Quotes in this: one is from Avatar 2009 and the other is by Goethe.

T.W= this is going to be A LOT, if there ever were an Omegaverse phd course, I would be teaching that class, so if that stuff is not for you, scroll away now. NSFW: p. in v., a/b/o dynamics, mating cycles (heat, rut), marking, scent marking, knotting, breeding, also possessive!Lo'ak (our boi is a lil ooc in this, I don't condone this type of behavior in a relationship, it's all for the sake of the story, you know the drill, if this might be disturbing to you, again give this story a miss).

word count: 8k

Mini na'vi dictionary:

'evi= child (said affectionately by an elder)

Tsurokx= rest/sleep

yawne= beloved

syulang= flower

Ngaytxoa= forgive me

Oeya= my (possessive)

yìmkxa= banshee catcher

The Na'vi say that every person is born twice. The second time is when you earn your place among the people, forever.

"I do not wish to take part in the Uniltaron without you." Y/n had told Lo'ak, still distraught from the events of that day. His best friend had been the first of their group to manage to tame her ikran, of course, she had. And now she was set to take part in the Dream Hunt before finally taking her rightful place among the people along with the rest of Lo'ak's peers, while he was left behind.

He had failed and almost fallen to his death during his attempt, and now his parents were going to make him wait until he was 'truly ready' before he could try again. His father had thought it was somehow his business to step in and stop him from trying his second attempt at taming the banshee then and there. Lo'ak had never felt more embarrassed, especially because y/n had immediately dismounted from her ikran and run to his aid the second she'd seen the scene unfold before her eyes.

"You have already waited five years for me to complete my training..." Lo'ak dismissed her words. "And I won't be the reason you wait any longer..." Y/n had never said it out loud, but Lo'ak knew it was true. She'd been postponing her rite of passage so that they would have joined the clan together, and he couldn't deal with it anymore.

"But Lo'ak, I do not care about-"

"Well, you should care." He snapped at her, not really knowing where his anger was coming from. Sure, he'd just had what could have been described as the worst day of his life, but something and been simmering inside him all week. And now Lo'ak felt like he'd reached his limit. In a few hours, the young Na'vi male was going to discover that anger was only a prelude to his first rut. "Everything comes easy to you, but it's like you don't even notice! No one ever said we needed to be attached to the hip for the rest of our lives, so why don't you just get over it and do what's expected of you?"

The second he saw the heartbroken look on y/n's face, Lo'ak wanted to take it all back. He hadn't meant to say any of those things, of course he hadn't. She was his best friend, she was the woman he loved, yet he'd passed up his chances to ever be with her twice in a single day. He was petty and weak, unable to own up to his own shortcomings, and now he was taking it out on the only person in the world who would have never judged him for it.

"I see..." Y/n said, her voice laced with grief. For a single, stupid second Lo'ak had deluded himself into thinking she was about to say 'I see you', it was what he wanted to tell her. He'd been wanting to tell her for so long. "I have... been foolish. I thought that maybe you... that we..." Y/n wiped a tear away from her face, and stepped back from Lo'ak when he tried to reach out for her. "I do not need your pity." She hissed at him, feeling that Lo'ak had just rejected her. "You have made yourself understood."

With that, y/n disappeared from Lo'ak sight and into the darkness of the night. By the time Neteyam found him, Lo'ak was already in the throes of a terrible fever. His father and brother took him to a secluded place where he would have been safe, but couldn't do much for him besides that. Moat had said the rut hit Lo'ak so suddenly that he was beyond being helped with any sort of treatment. He had no mate, and neither did he have the right to choose one. Left alone to endure the most excruciating pain known to the Omaticaya people.

A lot could change in a week. Especially when it came to things taking a drastic turn for the worse. Lo'ak, who was still experiencing the occasional violent aftershock from the trauma he'd just finished enduring all by himself, was about to get accustomed to a whole new kind of pain.

"We seek your guidance, Tsahik." Y/n's parents had come to speak to his grandmother, while she was still in the process of checking he hadn't suffered any irreparable damage during his absence. "Our daughter, y/n, does not wish to wait for love to find her. She has invoked the old ways, asking us to choose a mate for her." Another violent fit wreaked havoc over Lo'ak's body, but this time he wasn't entirely sure it was due to the aftermath of his rut. Moat had told him the worst was now behind him. "Cease your whining, 'evi." She reprimanded him. "Only by regaining your strength will you find the way to be whole again." While that statement sounded overtly obvious to him, the look his grandmother gave him made him think she was trying to tell him something more.

"Forgive us, we have come at a bad time." Y/n's mother said, directing her sympathies to Lo'ak. They had always been kind toward him. "Your grandson is still injured, y/n has been heartbroken about it. We have prayed to Eywa every day for your swift recovery-"

"He has recovered." Moat cut her off. "And your daughter cannot force her childish whims on you. She is a woman, a warrior of this clan, she cannot hide behind her parents. We only arrange the marriages of future Tsahik and Olo'eyktan, for they are given gifts by Eywa herself to guide the people. The old ways have brought nothing but suffering, I remember the time when they were enforced all too well. They are only to be invoked in drastic situations, such as the event of a heat."

"We are grateful for your wisdom, Tsahik." Y/n father said. "But that is precisely what we fear... she is already showing signs. Every day our daughter grows weaker. We know she may not survive without a mate, and now it is too late for her to make her own choice."

"Fools." Moat almost spat. "Bring her to me at once-"

Lo'ak was on his feet and running out of the healing tent at once, no longer willing to listen to a single word of that conversation. Mating cycles were usually something that a couple faced together, but he and y/n had waited too long for their rite of passage. In that time they hadn't found the person who was truly right for them, so now y/n was going to force herself to be with someone or face her heat alone, along with the consequences that entailed. And it wasn't like Lo'ak could step up and ask her parents to marry her, he wasn't even part of the clan. Not only that, y/n also probably thought he wanted nothing to do with her.

He went looking for y/n everywhere. She wasn't in her tent, nor was she staying with her parents. Word was she'd gone hunting, and after a desperate search, Lo'ak ended up finding her in his own living quarters when he returned home in the early hours of the morning. As much as Lo'ak wanted to yell at y/n in frustration because he'd been worried sick over her, the sight of her sleeping peacefully quelled his anger. He knelt down to touch her forehead, and let out a breath of relief. Her body temperature hadn't drastically risen just yet.

Lo'ak took a look around and only then noticed y/n had rounded up the entirety of his possessions to surround herself with in her sleep. She had made a bed out of the skins and paintings which used to adorn the inside of his tent while holding on rather tightly to a piece of fabric he quickly recognized as one of his loincloths. He felt himself turn into a deep shade of blue in the face and attempted to gently tug the item out of her grip, but y/n growled menacingly in her sleep, immediately making Lo'ak give up on his intent. He did not wish to wake her. Not when it was clear she'd been so distressed, she'd felt the need to make herself a nest just to feel safe.

"Tsurokx, yawne..." Lo'ak wished her a good sleep, and went to tell her family she'd been found.

Her parents were thankful, and just because Lo'ak was not allowed to catch a single break, it turned out y/n parents trusted him so much they began to ask him his personal opinion on the skxawngs that had already shown up to ask them to be her mate. Lo'ak respected y/n's parents and knew they were only worried about their daughter, but he was running on zero hours of sleep, and the image of y/n curled up in a nest she'd made of his belongings was still too fresh in his mind, so he let his worst side get the better of him. He lied. Something so deeply human, his people did not even have a word for it.

"...I would not even consider Selkath, he is too arrogant to even see past himself..."

"Pantoran is weak, I would not trust him to provide for your daughter..."

"... I have known Skakoan to have used cruel words against y/n. She does not deserve her..."

The more he spoke, the more Lo'ak realized he was describing himself and the way he had treated y/n, not giving a true judgment of his peers. And her parents were trusting him with that information, even though he had absolutely no authority to be judging anyone. But there was no reason to worry, a fresh batch of idiots would have shown up to declare their 'love' soon enough, over and over again until eventually someone was found.

Lo'ak slept on the cold hard ground just outside his tent, barely getting an hour's sleep before the day began for the rest of the clan.

"Showing your worth to the clan, as usual, Su-ly?" A voice Lo'ak knew all too well asked, as he was 'accidentally' stepped on and woken up. Tholothian had never been too shy about disliking Lo'ak, and the feeling was entirely mutual. "Watch where you're going, Tho'lo." He growled as he stood up, certainly not in the mood to be taking anyone's crap. The other Na'vi was also standing entirely too close to the tent where y/n was currently resting, and Lo'ak was about the get real territorial real fast if the skxawng didn't back off. The low rumble in his throat was still there, and Lo'ak was making it very clear he was not to be messed with at that moment.

Tholothian, who thrived off humiliating the younger Sully brother in any way possible, had to take a step back. Lo'ak had been missing for an entire week, and now that he was back, he seemed to have doubled in size. He was taller, his shoulders wider, his once delicate-looking human hands bigger, and his muscles considerably more defined. And his entire demeanor also seemed... different, menacing almost. Never before would he have considered Lo'ak Sully competition, least of all a threat. So he decided to back off, for the time being at least.

What he wanted was y/n, and Lo'ak couldn't claim her. There was no pride in kicking someone down when they had already lost. Or was there? "I was just on my way to see, y/n..." Tholothian gloated, knowing it was a sore subject for Lo'ak. "You must have heard... she is searching for a mate..." The look on Lo'ak face darkened considerably, and it would have been a lie not to admit he was reaching for his dagger to challenge Tho'lo to a duel and see which of them could draw first blood, when y/n audibly called Lo'ak's name from inside the tent.

Tholothian paled considerably when he heard y/n call out to his rival and Lo'ak smirked, basking in the pride he felt at that moment. Y/n was probably waiting inside to give him an earful about disappearing for a week, but Tho'lo didn't know that. "Yeah, man. I heard." He sneered, his cocky attitude back in full swing. "I'd wish you luck, but I think it'd be fairer if I gave you a little advice instead..." Lo'ak lowered his voice and pointed his dagger in the direction of Tho'lo chest. "If you, or anyone of your friends, come sniffing after y/n again, just know you're going to have to get through me first." He snarled, showing a full set of teeth, before heading back inside to see y/n.

"Hey..."

"Hey? That's all you have to say?" At least she was still lucid enough to be mad at him, Lo'ak thought. There was still time. Y/n threw the first thing she could find at his head, but Lo'ak managed to dodge it. "Where were you?"

"I was sick." Lo'ak said, and cautiously sat down next to her. He didn't know how else to describe what he'd been through, without inadvertently bringing up her own situation.

"Sick?" Y/n asked, still not understanding why he'd been away from home if he'd been ill.

"I'm sorry I missed your ceremony." Lo'ak said truthfully, the regret clear in his voice, even though he'd just avoided her question. "And the dream hunt, and all of it... the reason why doesn't matter, I should have been there for you."

Y/n hugged her knees to her chest, her worry not subsiding at all. What could have been so bad, Lo'ak couldn't even tell her about it?

"So... you're going to be mated soon..." Lo'ak didn't even know why he said it, other than the fact he was always the one to break the silence and say the things others wouldn't. "Why are you making your parents choose for you?" He asked when she didn't respond. "Y/n you know that's stupid..."

"What? Now honoring our traditions is stupid?" Y/n snapped at him, barely leaving any distance between them. "Weren't you the one who said I acted like I didn't care? That I should start doing what's expected of me?" She threw his words back in his face and Lo'ak immediately understood how the entire insane idea of an arranged marriage had come to her in the first place. He'd made her feel less than worthy, like she wasn't grateful enough to be part of the people, and now she was trying to make up for it, even though it was never true in the first place.

"Y/n... I never should have said those words... I wasn't myself that day, you have to believe me..." Lo'ak implored her, but it wasn't enough to keep the tears from rushing down her face.

"Well, it doesn't matter now..." Y/n kept half the truth to herself. She'd childishly thought that Lo'ak would have tried to prevent her from her recklessness and chosen her himself. But clearly, it had been a fantasy. "Lo'ak, I know what's happening to me... and I'm scared, I don't know what's worse, facing it alone or...or..."

Lo'ak pulled y/n into his arms then, holding her close as he felt her tremble against his chest. "You won't have to face this on your own, and... and I'll make sure you'll be with someone worthy, who'll take good care of you..." His words were like daggers to her chest, because there was no one else she could ever want besides him, yet she understood Lo'ak was trying his best to comfort her. Y/n buried her face in the crook of Lo'ak's neck, breathing in his scent. It was a lot stronger now, and only at that point did she realize so many things about his appearance had changed.

There were two small glands, one on either side of his neck, where his scent seemed to be strongest, and she was suddenly overcome by the need to be covered in it. Y/n began to purr softly, rubbing her face against Lo'ak's neck, not really knowing what she was doing other than chasing after the feeling of comfort and protection that came along with dousing herself in Lo'ak pheromones. "What are you doing, y/n?" Her bestfriend asked, his voice sounding considerably deeper than it had been a few seconds ago. "Feels nice." Was the entirety of the explanation she gave him, without showing any intention of stopping. Not that Lo'ak wanted her too.

He suddenly understood why she'd come to his tent in the first place, and that was to seek out whatever still held his scent, to numb out any feverish symptoms her pre-heat was going to throw at her. Lo'ak knew they were treading a dangerous line, but he also knew he would have given anything to have felt any sort of comfort during his rut, and he couldn't bring himself to tear himself away from her. The type of contact y/n was craving at that moment was completely harmless, yet the idea that she needed to be marked with his scent so badly made a Lo'ak feel possessive in a way he hadn't even known was possible. "Yeah? Is that what's been stressing you out, baby?" He cooed, wrapping her braid around his hand and tugging it softly. "You just wanted to breathe in my scent, didn't you?"

Y/n whined at his touch and nodded feverishly at his words. "Y-yes... I missed you, and I didn't know where you were. I just knew you were hurt..." She rambled, but Lo'ak kissed her temple, trying to let her know that there was no need to worry about him. "I'm right here, I'm sorry I was away. I let you down. I should have been here to help you with your nest. Look at this, you did it all by yourself, huh? Good girl." Lo'ak praised her, letting out a deep-sounding purr to let y/n know how impressed he was with her. Y/n nodded, smiling as she basked in Lo'ak's praise. "I did it for you, I wanted to be here when you got back..."

Lo'ak had to remind himself all he was doing was for the sake of helping y/n deal with how increasingly hormonal and emotional she was about to become over the next few days, and nothing that was saying in that moment held any real meaning. Somebody else would get to take care of y/n, and somehow he'd ended up on the council of people who got to determine who that person was going to be. As long as he kept his own feelings out of it, there was no reason why y/n shouldn't have stayed with him.

"Thank you, baby..." Lo'ak whispered softly and brought her hand to his mouth, kissing her wrist. "I'm going out to get you something to eat now, do you want to come? Or do want to stay here?"

"No." Y/n wrapped herself around him like a vine. "Stay."

"Huh-uh, it's like that, is it?" Lo'ak chuckled, powerless against her death-grip. So he took the opportunity to have a lie down. Unlike y/n, he was missing several hours of sleep. "Well, I'm not going to argue with the woman who has me in a choke-hold... and sleeping will do you some good too..." He sighed, resting his arms around her middle. It didn't take long for Lo'ak to pass out completely.

When Lo'ak woke up, y/n seemed to have been long gone. Someone had also brought him some food and water while he'd been resting. Lo'ak hurriedly ate something, before heading out to look for y/n, but he didn't end up needing to look too far. Moat had been in the middle of examining y/n when Lo'ak showed up out of the blue.

"Ever heard of privacy? Get out of here, skxawng!" Y/n yelled at him, and Lo'ak immediately did as he was told. At least y/n seemed to be once again lucid and back to normal. For the time being. And now that he knew she was alright he really didn't have any other excuse to be around her, so he left.

Lo'ak finally found the time to get back to his training, something he now did in private. It was embarrassing to perpetually remind the rest of the clan of his failure, and he would not ask his father or brother for help. His mother however, was a lot more difficult to get away from. And she understood more than most. "My son, it is clear you are hurting... we have not seen you for days... "

"So? What good is showing my face when I have failed you?" Lo'ak turned away in shame. He did not need anyone to look out for him, not anymore.

"Stubborn! Just like your father." Neytiri hissed at him, bonking him on his head with her bow and not too gently either. "It is clear... that Eywa made you and y/n to be together. Do not treat me as if I do not see. I see you, my son."

Lo'ak broke down as soon as he heard those words. It was true, he had been pushing his family away, but simply because he hadn't thought himself capable of facing them. What would his mother think of the twisted game he'd gotten himself in? What kind of example was he setting for his younger sister? He didn't deserve to be around any of them until he somehow managed to make things right.

Neytiri hugged him, even though it was something they hadn't done in a long time. She had immediately known how strong and independent her youngest son was from a very early age, and she feared that it may have been the reason why, out of all of her children, he'd most often been left to his own devices while she and Jake were forced to tend to the others.

"You have not failed us, Lo'ak. But you must still fight for y/n... and I will help you."

The next few days went by in a blur. If he wasn't training with his mother to successfully pass the Iknimaya on his second try, he was making sure to steer away y/n's parents from any candidates they may have seriously been considering to be her mate without seeming too obvious. If a certain potential candidate began to seem like a real threat to Lo'ak, then he would personally seek them out to politely dissaude them himself.

"If you ever try to talk to y/n, ke-he, you ever even look in her direction or... you just as much as think of her again, I'm dragging you out of your tent while you sleep and leaving you out to die in the forest. And trust me, the viperwolves will finish whatever meat the Thanator doesn't tear off your bones first."

The Na'vi might have been dangerous, but they were a peaceful people. Humans had been the ones to bring war upon them. And Lo'ak had begun to realize just how much of a scary breed he was of the two things. He was now turning on his own kind, on the very same members of his clan, his brothers and sisters. He was cheating and lying to get his way, just like a human would. And the scariest part was, that realization was bothering him less and less as time went on. Y/n's heat was approaching fast, and as a consequence, he was getting more protective and territorial by the day.

While y/n had been able to keep her head in the beginning, only going through a few 'fever dreams', as Lo'ak liked to call them, in a single day and quickly recovering from them, it was now rare to come back and find her to be lucid rather than not. She had a few lulls, here and there, where it was once again possible to get her to have a coherent conversation, but those instances were now few and far in between. Lo'ak would have to seize those opportunities to take her out so she could have a walk, drink or eat something, and show her parents she was still alive. One night he'd even managed to take her all the way out to the ponds for a swim, something she'd always loved, but she was way past that point now.

Y/n slept most of the days off; the nights were the real problem. Due to her body temperature slowly increasing to the point where it was eventually going to be unbearable for her, y/n had taken to refusing to wear any sort of clothing. Which was particularly hard on Lo'ak, especially since her body was also changing in ways that weren't so subtle. As much as he tried not to look, it seemed as if both her breasts and her hips were filling out little by little each day. By that point, he was sure it was some specific torture that had been crafted for him especially, but it all came to pale into comparison when most nights were spent treating the aches of y/n's fever.

"You need to drink some water for me, baby..." Lo'ak would try to encourage her. "I promise you'll feel a lot better if you do..." Y/n was struggling, and Lo'ak was thankful for the fact that after making a bit of a fuss she would eventually listen to him. He couldn't think of a single other person who would've had the same amount of care and patience to make sure she was eating and drinking regularly throughout her heat, and there was hardly any time left before she was completely under the influence. A decision was going to be made whether he liked it or not.

The only problem was that now, he didn’t know if he was going to be able to stand aside when the time came for her to leave. The two of them had gotten somewhat... close during their time together. Close in a way that Lo'ak was certain didn't apply to being best friends. Y/n had suffered a great deal the night her scent glands came in, two on her neck, two on her inner thighs, and one on each of her wrists, and Lo'ak had almost mistaken the event for the beginning of her heat. The sweetness of her scent had him so out of his mind, and he would have torn himself away from her if she hadn't been holding on to him for dear life. "Don't go, Lo'ak, please..." y/n had begged him through choked sobs.

Lo'ak still didn't know if he'd made the right choice to stay, because of everything that happened afterward. He peppered y/n's skin with kisses as usual, trying to bring her comfort, only this time the need to taste and sink his teeth into her was almost uncontrollable. "Y/n, I don't think I should be here..." Lo'ak tried to say, having never felt so at war with himself. Y/n shook her head and caught his lips in a kiss, completely tearing down any ounce of doubt he may have still had. For the time being. The fact that she was promised to another suddenly didn't matter anymore, and the two of them were painfully aware y/n had been dripping with slick from the moment Lo'ak had pulled her into his arms. They were all over each other instantly, reaching desperately for one another in the dark. The sound y/n made when he breached her walls was the most beautiful thing Lo'ak had ever heard, and they fucked so desperately, he was almost ashamed of it afterward.

Almost.

"I told you, my sweet syulang..." He teased, regretfully having to pull out of her for the second time. "You're not ready to take my— a knot, I mean..." Lo'ak kissed her whines away, only taking a few more strokes before coating her belly will his warm seed. "But I want to try again, weakling..." Y/n huffed, having absolutely no mercy for her spent companion as she climbed on top of him. Lo'ak let out a groan and a laugh at the same time, pulling her in for a hug. "You have come so many times, I am literally covered in your slick... and since you're clearly in the right mind to give me attitude..." he pinched y/n's ass cheek and she yelped, slapping his chest. "You're more than capable to come with me for a swim and... help me clean up all this later..." Y/n had bit him in protest but eventually complied with his unreasonable demands.

In those moments with her, Lo'ak had felt so happy he'd almost forgotten what the future actually had in store for the two of them. Even though now he knew y/n so deeply, both at a mental and physical level, another would be the one to marry her. Another would the one to make a lifelong bond with her, mark her and mate with her.

'Sometimes I don't understand how another can love her, is allowed to love her, since I love her so completely myself, so intensely, so fully. I grasp nothing, know nothing, have nothing but her!' Kiri had once read out those words from one of her mother's old books, since the ability to read and write in English had always been important to his sister. At the time, Lo'ak had made fun of her, saying it was all a bunch of boring nonsense. Now, those words haunted him. Every day. And here he was now, acting in the worst of ways just to hold on to y/n for just a second longer, have every part of her until the was nothing left for anyone else to aspire to.

When he walked into the tent that night, y/n was sitting upright and wearing a large white T-shirt Lo'ak had stolen from the RDA supplies. Lo'ak was happy to see she was doing her best to eat some fruit, and the awkward smile she gave him made him understand she currently had her wits about her. "Moat came by... she said it will happen tomorrow... and she gave me... something to help with the pain. Medicine, I think. She told me... my mate will have to take me away. I can't stay here with the rest of the clan while it happens, it might be dangerous-"

Lo'ak shook his head, raising his hands as he tried not to laugh bitterly at the sadness of the situation. How could she talk about it so calmy?

"I don't want to know, okay?" He tried to say as calmly as he could, but she could hear the distaste in his mouth.

"If you can't even talk about it, then admit what I've known all along." Y/n managed to say in a weak voice. "Lo'ak, I see you... I see you... everything you're doing for me, because of me..."

Lo'ak's ears immediately turned down at the sound of the words he'd been waiting for y/n to say his entire life. His immediate instinct was to shut her out. Now that he wanted nothing more than to say those words back, he knew he was only going to make irreparable damage. He'd justified the fact they'd been having sex in secret because it wasn't uncommon for their people to do so, nor forbidden. The only problem of course was that he and y/n were painfully aware of being in love with someone who couldn't commit to them. They had chosen to live in the most blissful of lies until their time together was up.

Well, that time was now.

"Spend my heat with me." Y/n said, not even posing it as a question.

"I can't! How hasn't that gotten through to you yet?" He asked angrily, hating himself for the way she instinctively flinched at his words. Lo'ak got down on his knees, kneeling in front of her. "Ngaytxoa." He asked y/n for her forgiveness. "Oeya syulang, you deserve to be with someone who has shown enough strength and honor to be part of the people... If we'd only had more time, I... but you cannot face your heat alone, nor will I allow you to tie yourself to someone who is not worthy. Who may never be." Y/n had begun to cry at this point, and Lo'ak could feel that he'd been joining her soon. "An outcast. Someone like me."

Simply put, if Lo'ak had spent y/n's heat with her, got her pregnant, and then ended up dying on the Halleluja mountains on his second or third attempt at his Rite of passage, not to mention the unpredictableness of surviving the Dream Hunt as well, he would have committed the cruelest act of all: giving his mate false hope before leaving them behind forever, all for the sake of getting what he wanted.

"You are... impossible..." Y/n cried. "You say these words, therefore you must believe I deserve to be with someone I do not love when I have already chosen the man I belong to and he has chosen me... do you not understand that would kill me just as much as being alone would? I know you went through your rut alone, Lo'ak... I know you went through that pain and survived, Moat told me. I am willing to take that risk, and wait for you."

Lo'ak looked into her eyes then, and it seemed to y/n he was having a realization. Had she finally gotten through to him? She knew her chances of survival were slim, and she hadn't exactly prepared, but after finding out Lo'ak loved her as much as she did, he would sooner risk her life to be happy with him in the end than choose someone else.

Suddenly he was grabbing her face and kissing her, pulling away just as quickly. "I'll be back by morning... there's something... important I have to do." Lo'ak saw the look of distress on her face as he stood up. In many ways, I would have been their last night together, and he was leaving. "Trust me, syulang, I beg of you. Nga yawne lu oer."

"I love you, too."

And with that, he was gone from her sight.

As he climbed the path of vines and rocks leading to the banshee rookery, Lo'ak wondered if anyone had ever managed to reach the Halleluja mountains past the eclipse in the dead of night. If that person, whoever they may have been, had been so desperate to have made the attempt even though everyone around them had said they were not ready, because it was a question of life and death for them as much as it was for him. After the initial surprise of having made it to the top, he was immediately aware of a dozen pairs of yellow eyes blinking at him in the dark.

Lo'ak immediately whipped out the yìmkxa, swinging it around a little as he cautiously walked amongst the ikrans. "Didn't mean to spoil your beauty sleep..." He said, counting how many of them had already flown away at the sight of him. "There's just one of you I've come to settle the score with, some motherfucker who threw me off a cliff the other day-"

A very familiar hiss came from out of nowhere and Lo'ak now knew he was looking back at his banshee. "Long time no see bro, I sure hope I didn't ruin any late-night plans." The ikran lunged at him but Lo'ak knew exactly what to do this time, and moved without hesitancy, muzzling the creature's mouth with the yìmkxa. "Me? Oh you know, my girl is going through the worst experience of her life--- shit, stop that, man--- where was I? Oh right, I'm supposed to be back home with her, yet I'm out here, dancing around with you. Bet you can't wait to get inside this head, huh? Hope you enjoy all the angst, you mother-"

With a final struggle and a minor chunk taken out of his leg, Lo'ak was able to make the connection. The ikran, his ikran, immediately calmed down and let out a pained sound, that Lo'ak recognized as being directed at him.

"Yeah, well... no worries bro." He sighed from exhaustion and patted the banshee's neck. "Now let's get out of here, I don't have all goddammed night."

By the early hours of the morning, Lo'ak had returned aching from the fight with the ikran and still disoriented from the self-induced high he'd given himself with whatever concoctions he'd found in his grandmother's hut to make himself find his spirit animal. No matter what anybody said, he'd completed his rite of passage and now he was going to tell y/n they could be together. Y/n however, was not where he'd left her. Moat found him soon after, and after reprimanding him for stealing her supplies and acting so recklessly, she told him y/n's parents had chosen Tholothian to be her mate and they had left not even an hour prior to Lo'ak's arrival. The Na'vi, much to his grandmother's protests, immediately set off to find them.

With the sunlight by his side and the ability to fly over the forest, it didn't take long for Lo'ak to recognize Tho'lo's ikran resting on top of a branch and its rider wandering the forest below.

"I thought I told you to stay away from her." Lo'ak snarled, quickly dismounting from his ikran.

"Stay out of this, Sully. The fact that you did the bare minimum this time, doesn't get you a prize." Tho'lo took a threatening stance against him. Lo'ak immediately noticed his bow and dagger were missing, and that he had a large cut across his chest. "Y/n was left in my care and responsibility-"

"She attacked you." Lo'ak accused Tho'lo, charging at him with everything he had the very next second. "What did you do?" He roared with a murderous look in his eyes as he held his knife to his rival's throat. "What could you have possibly done to her to leave you stranded out here, huh?"

"What I have done? What have you done, Lo'ak?" Tho'lo accused him back, sounding all too calm for Lo'ak's liking. "She has clearly chosen you, I see that now. I had known you two were close, but I never thought it went beyond you recklessly amusing yourself with her. I never would have accepted her parents' decision if I had known-"

"The why. the fuck. did she attack you?" Lo'ak growled, actively losing his patience by the second.

"Because she's in a heat, you moron. She won't be with anyone who isn't you now that the two of you have clearly done everything except maybe name your future children...I just wish someone had warned me, so I wouldn't have to be here right now!" Lo'ak stepped back from Tho'lo then, realizing he had just been assuming the worst of someone who was meant to be his brother-in-arms. "She attacked me not two minutes after we were in flight. I thought she was going to kill my ikran so I got us all down to the ground. She escaped of course, but I still couldn't leave her out here... "

Lo'ak nodded, ashamed of all the grief his actions had caused. But he didn't even have time to dwell on it, or make things right with Tho'lo, because y/n was still out there, scared and alone.

"I'm sorry, brother-"

"I'll forgive you when you find her and bring her home in one piece." Tho'lo cut him off, calling his ikran and mounting it. "And I know you threatened others just as easily as you have just accused me. That's what separates you from the rest of the people, Sully. You reek of anger and distrust, toward yourself and others. You are selfish, just like the rest of the sky people. Whatever y/n sees in you... must be the true reason why I'm still willing to call you brother."

After a few minutes of frantic wandering, Lo'ak picked up y/n's scent and it didn't take him long to track her down. She'd hidden herself in a small cave behind the waterfall, a place they'd both discovered once when they were out hunting. The closer he got, the more overpowering the influence of her sweet pheromones became. As he climbed his way up to the cave, mindful of the water cascading above him, he knew she could sense his presence too because she began to call out his name. Lo'ak could hear the strain in her voice and ended up cutting his hands and feet several times on the rocks as he made his reckless endeavor all the way to the safe haven she'd chosen.

He looked up to see her looking down at him, and he made one last stupidly dangerous jump to get her away from the edge. "Where were you? You told me to wait, I waited for you but- you are hurt!" Y/n reached for him, she was shuddering violently and unable to keep herself from crying. Lo'ak knew exactly what kind of pain she was going through, and he had to dissuade her from fretting over his wounds.

"I know, I'm sorry Oeya syulang, I'm right here now. I'm with you..." Lo'ak kissed y/n, making quick work of getting rid of whatever fabric was left to separate them. He let out a guttural sound at the copious amount of slick that gushed out of y/n simply from his touch. "Lo'ak, it hurts..." Y/n begged him, holding onto Lo'ak so tight he was pretty sure she was going to end up rearranging his bones.

"I know baby, you're burning up..." He kissed her neck, feeling how scolding her skin was as she lowered herself onto his cock, taking him all the way with a desperate moan of relief. Y/n seized up around him and coated him with a second wave of slick, high on the feeling of finally having her mate buried deep inside of her. "Fuck--you really needed me bad, didn't you baby?" Lo'ak groaned, unable to even comprehend what was happening around him anymore. Y/n's cunt was impossibly tight and warm, and she was making a complete mess on his lap.

His mate nodded and began to ride him in earnest, her stamina never breaking for a second. Lo'ak was so in awe, he could barely keep up with her. Their moans and whines echoed off the walls of the cave, and Lo'ak knew y/n was desperate to get knotted. "You need to... relax syulang." He kissed her face when she began to whine in frustration. "Might have to fuck you a few more times before your body is ready for me, sweet thing..."

"But I want--" Y/n was beginning to sound completely unintelligible, but she never once stopped grinding down on Lo'ak, challenging herself to take in deeper and deeper every time. "Such a good girl, look at that..." Lo'ak praised her, earning a deep purr which he happily returned. "Gonna make you a proper nest... so my baby can be nice and comfortable while I mount her later, how does that sound?"

Y/n curled up against his chest at the idea, kissing him deeply and coming on his cock for the fourth time since they'd started (yes, he was keeping count), and without much warning Lo'ak began to feel the his knot forming inside of her. She gasped and began to frantically fuck herself back against it, giddy on the pleasure the foreign experience was giving her. Lo'ak gave a a few more harsh thrusts, until his knot finally popped deep inside y/n's walls, binding them together. "Fuck, baby you can't keep moving anymore..." He groaned, blissed out and slightly amused by y/n's attempts to bounce up on his knot while she was stuck on top of him.

Y/n wasn't particularly shy about being loud, but the sounds she made when Lo'ak finally began to breed her made him want to fuck her all over again right at that moment. "It's... it's so much..." She sobbed, overwhelmed by the constant stream of warm cum that was now pouring into her. Lo'ak wrapped his arm around her and made a second connection between them, bringing their cues together. Immediately he could feel how close she was to climaxing again, and he reched down between them to rub her small bundle of nerves while she was still split on his shaft. "Going to cum on my knot, baby...? You're been such a sweet girl, taking everything I have to give you... once I'm done breeding you, your belly's going to be so pretty and full---"

Y/n gave out another high pitched whine and came thanks to Lo'ak's expert fingers. He managed to lull her to sleep after that, while they were still tied together and in the process of mating. Lo'ak found his sleep to be rather light, keeping an eye open for his vulnerable mate and growling menacingly at any noise he heard coming from outside.

When his knot died down he left y/n to get some much needed rest and set out to get everything they needed to stay in the cave for the rest of the week. He knew that his scent was more than enough to let anyone and anything to stay the fuck away from the cave, and that y/n would have been safe. Even though he'd returned with food supplies and other creature comforts to make a worthy nest, y/n was not too forgiving of his absence and jumped his bones the second he came back. After she'd deemed herself sated, they made their nest together, but it was hard to do anything without eventually getting distracted.

Y/n's belly was beginning to stretch out a little already from their activities and Lo'ak was completely mesmerised by the sight of his cum slipping out of her. So much so he could help but hold her down and get a taste. "Lo'ak... w-want your knot again..." she mewled, tugging fiercely at his braids while he drank down the sickly sweet taste of her slick.

"Oeya syulang, I haven't eaten all day, you can't blame me for wanting a taste... " Lo'ak growled softly before sinking his teeth in the scent gland on her left inner thigh, making her cry out. He soothed the wound with his tongue, lapping up her blood. "Now, you're going to have to behave for me a little, or I'm going to eat you out until you're a sobbing mess... understood?"

Y/n was a lot more partial to taking a break to eat and drink something after that. Lo'ak was not surprised when she feel asleep again, and he curled up around her on the makeshift bed they'd made, holding her close to his chest. He immediately woke up when she began to cry next to him a few hours later, not even thinking twice about mounting her from behind as her kissed her shoulders and reassured her everything was alright.

Y/n was the one to link their queues this time, moaning softly as he began to move. "Still hurts if I'm not inside you, baby?" Lo'ak asked, genuinely worried that the heat was still painful even though y/n was no longer facing it alone. Y/n shook her head and tried to find the right words to express what she was feeling, Lo'ak kissed her temple reassuringly, stroking her tail to soothe her. "J-just now... I think... I think I'm ready..." It took a little while for Lo'ak to understand, but then he felt it through their bond. Y/n was at the peak of her heat, and his next load was sure to get her pregnant. "You're happy..." she said, Lo'ak still forgetting that she could probably feel his heart soaring at that moment.

"Yeah..." He laughed, a little choked up. "Course I'm happy... so fucking happy" Lo'ak placed a hand on y/n's lower belly, firmly holding her there as he picked up his pace, pounding into her deeper and deeper. Y/n bared her neck to him then, submitting and asking him to mark her as his own. "Nga yawne lu oer..." He whispered before sinking his teeth into her scent gland, tasting the blood and sweetness there. Y/n cried out his name, feeling their bond deepen even more and the desperate need to mark Lo'ak just the same.

Both of them felt the exact moment when life began to blossom between the two of them when they were lying in each other's arms some moments afterwards. They were holding each other close and tending to the deep marks they'd left on each other's bodies. Lo'ak spent the rest of the night whispering promises and soft nothings to y/n, and she quelled all his anxieties about his wrongdoings or the fact that his child might have inherited his human features.

After all, she'd never cared for the right profile anyway.

[aboutcustardcreams]

Could you please do a 13 x femreader where r is also a timelord that has been traveling with them since practically forever. But r is more of a “I will actually result to violence” if it’s their only option to protect one of the human companions. They split ways because of that but they end up crossing paths once more with the doc and fam finding them like in some prison or whatever situation you decide because r tried to stick to the doctors morals but it didn’t end well for her.

summary: After an argument, you storm off the TARDIS in need to clear your head. And it goes well for a while, until you find yourself in quite a predicament and in need of a helping hand.

a/n: it's not exactly faithful to the request, but I think it goes pretty close. Hope you like it anyway <3

word count: 3700 ish

WWTDD: What would the Doctor do?

If the Doctor was there, you’d tell her she is an idiot. How she always managed to do what’s right was beyond you. It was easier to put the blame on her because it was her fault, at least a tiny bit, if you found yourself in that predicament, yet you weren’t angry with her. You never could. This isn’t to say that you never do the right thing, because you do. The difference lies in the way you operate, operated actually, considering you changed. Since you two parted ways, you tried to be more like her. You used to be more… practical, especially when it came to protecting those in need. To put it in simple words, if somebody threatened to punch you or the Doctor in the face, you’d make sure to strike first. It seemed reasonable to you.

You have always been a bit feisty, growing up. But you’d not consider yourself a bad person. The Doctor was the mediator, the one good with words, while you were the brawn. And for a while it worked out quite fine. As far as you can remember, you two have always traveled together, despite your differences. It was also true that despite being inseparable and quite close, you bickered a lot and mostly about your methods of taking action. You saved her multiple times, and it’s not that she didn’t appreciate it, because she did, but she was always pointing out the fact that there were other ways to face problems. Ways that didn’t involve the use of violence, for example. You weren’t violent per se and she knew that. Sure, you did throw your enemies against the wall, punched them in the face, electrocuted them with your sonic screwdriver, but it was always to protect the Doctor and not for the fun of it. 

“What’s your problem?!” She snapped at you, hands flying in the air in utter exasperation. You just shot an alien in the leg who, in your defense, was running after you two and not with the purest intentions. 

You scoffed, your brows shot up in disbelief, “my problem? Are you serious right now?” She stormed back in the TARDIS, avoiding meeting your eyes on purpose. You groaned and followed behind, “Doctor!” 

“Was it really necessary?” When she spun around, her features hardened as she looked at you. Oh, you knew that look on her face; it made you feel uneasy and… guilty. 

The Doctor was clever, incredibly so, and yet she failed to see your truest intentions. “He would have shot you! I saw him pointing that laser gun at you–” You explained, frustration filling your voice. It was exhausting trying to make her understand why you acted a certain way. In your mind, your actions couldn’t be easier to read. You lov- cared for her and the last thing you wanted was her to get hurt or worse. “Was I supposed to let it happen?”

The Doctor closed her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh, hands crossed over her chest in a defensive manner. If only you could read her, and truly, you’d know what really bothered her. But she would hardly open up, your Doctor. She has always been so secretive, so… introvert despite her joyful and engaging personality. “I’m not saying that, but you shouldn’t use violence for whatever reason. It’s wrong and it’s dangerous. We talked about this– tons of times,” she explained, putting emphasis on every word, as if you were a child and she was the angry mother, giving you the umpteenth lesson of the day. 

You merely rolled your eyes, a hint of sarcasm filled your voice as you spoke. “Well, I’m sorry if there weren’t any other options up my sleeve. You should be saying thank you, yet all you can do is give me a hard time for the way I saved your life, again.”

“I didn’t ask you to!” She reproached, and you frowned. 

You were confused. Beyond confused, actually. “What are you talking about? You don’t even have to ask for me to save your life!” You snorted out a laugh.

“No, I know– I didn’t mean that. I just–” She exhaled, struggling to put to words her real concerns. In all honesty, she would do the same thing for you and that scared her. She would break all the rules of the Universe if that meant keeping you safe, and yet she would never admit that to you or to herself out loud. She could only hope that it never came to that, because there’s no coming back from a certain path, once taken. Her morals kept screaming at the back of her head that this was not the way to operate. That violence couldn’t call for more violence. And she was worried about you because the perspective of your actions turning against you terrified her. “We are supposed to help people, answer distress calls and find solutions that don’t require the use of any kind of weapons. You have a brain, use it.”

You hummed deep in thought, almost in a mocking tone. Hands on your hips. “My brain couldn’t have saved us from those laser guns.”

The Doctor’s nostrils flared. She answered before she could connect her brain to her mouth. “We don’t know that if you never put it to use!” 

Your eyes widened at her words, your mouth parted in an expression of pure disbelief, “Woah-” She saw the hurt in your eyes, how your body tensed up and she mentally cursed herself. She shook her head and drew closer, “Look, I didn’t mean to say that–”, her voice tired and apologetic. You swallowed thickly and stepped back when she held out a hand for you to take. I’m just worried about you, she meant to add and yet kept quiet. When you didn’t let her touch you, she knew how much she messed up. She called out your name, almost in a desperate plea, but you cut her off,  without meeting her eyes, “No, it’s fine. Totally fine,” sarcasm was evident in your voice. 

The Doctor wasn’t stupid, “Y/n…”

“At least now I know what you really think of me.”

“That’s not– I do not. Wait!”

That was the last moment you talked to her before storming out of the TARDIS. She came after you at first, but you pushed her away, asking, begging her to give you some time alone. You weren’t going to leave forever, that was out of the question, but you were in need to clear up your mind first. You knew she really didn’t mean to say those words, you have known her all your life, lives actually, yet it still burnt.

You didn’t mean to be away for long, however, spending some time alone allowed you to really focus on the Doctor’s words. And you realized all this time she had been right. She was always right and it was annoying. You couldn’t rely on violence for whatever reason, so you made use of the time alone to fix yourself. You never thought you’d do that for anything or anyone, yet you were willing to change for her. You had a vortex manipulator to move around and that’s what you used to answer distress calls all over the Universe. 

Days turned into weeks. And you changed, you had a different mindset. You only wished it happened while traveling with her, without being so stubborn about it, because now you’d really use her help. Your wrists were bound tightly in chains above your head, so high you were forced on your tiptoes, making your discomfort next level. The cuffs were starting to cut into your skin as you kept pulling; your limbs tingly and sore were desperate for a release. 

“Okay man, I think I’ve intruded enough– would you be so kind as to let me go?”, you growled, your digits turned white, as you clenched your hands into fists, trying to get the blood pumping there but with no luck. “I promise, I’ll pay you a visit,” you gave him a fake, cheeky smile. 

The alien stepped forward, with a coy grin on his face. His face looked humanoid, if it wasn’t for the fact that he had a third eye right in the middle of his forehead, and his skin color wasn’t exactly among the most common, but a mixture between dirt orange and yellowish. You met his kind with the Doctor a few months back. They were called Torwash or Torvash, you weren’t sure. You may or may not have set off a couple of explosives to blow up their building on planet Serentara, ruining their plans to enslave its population. 

“Do you really think I will let you go after everything you’ve done?” 

You scoffed, “Oi! I wasn’t alone when I crushed your forces, humiliated you and your kind and set those innocents free...” Maybe you shouldn’t have reminded him of all the things you did, but you couldn’t help your teasing nature, even under similar circumstances. That’s another thing the Doctor wasn’t particularly fond of, but you were working on that too. Couldn’t fix everything about yourself in one sitting now, could you? A small smile tugged at your lips, as you imagined her hand flapping at your head for your bad timing. You’d have preferred that over that unexpected surge of electricity that shot through you, coming from those binds trapping your wrists. You let out a muffled cry and clenched your eyes. 

“Aahw, you aren’t holding back, are you? I love a good screamer–” he teased. 

As the electricity subsided, you lifted your chin and gave him a faint smile, ignoring what he just said, “I see you’re still holding a grudge. You know, resentment isn’t good for the skin, especially yours–” you breathed out, chains rattling to the trembling of your body. 

He cocked an eyebrow, “I’m not sure whether you’re brave or just utterly stupid.” 

“Maybe a bit of both,” you trailed off, chest rising and falling heavily,

When he grasped your chin, his claws dug deep in your skin and you hissed for how sharp and uncomfortable they felt. “You could use a manicure, man.”

He pushed you hard, and your back crashed against the cold rocky wall behind you. You hit the back of your head too, and for a moment your vision clouded with tiny black and white dots. You wished you could pass out, to give a glimpse of rest to your aching body, but of course it would take more than that to tire a Time Lord. “Geez, your resentment hurts,” you croaked out, yet you didn’t allow yourself to lose your defiant smile. 

“Do you think it’s wise to keep poking the bear?” He snapped, voice dripping with venom and anger.

The skin around your wrists was so tender, you felt it rip and bleed. It was impossible to keep from squirming, especially since you couldn’t place your feet down properly. You were so tired, you’d honestly sleep upright. “To be honest, no. But old habits die hard,” you winced at the droplets of blood falling from your wrists, sliding down your arms. 

He recognized honesty in your tone, so he hummed and started walking around you like a predator eyeing its prey before calling it dinner. “I’m curious, what happened to the Doctor?” He saw you tense up at the mention of her. “I thought you two were inseparable.”

“Ah you know– we are taking a pause for reflection,” you muttered vaguely. 

A smug grin tugged at his lips. “So she left you…”  

You shot him a glare and gritted your teeth, “For your information, I’m the one who left. But to be frank, it’s none of your damn business, so don’t ever act like you know everything cause, spoiler alert, you don’t know shit.”

The alien raised his hand and smacked you across your face, sending a pain shot right through your cheek and jawline. You tasted something else in your mouth, when you smacked your lips. Blood. More blood. “Fuck!” For a moment the Torvash thought he was starting to break you but when he spotted your lips stretching in a lopsided grin, he reconsidered, “that is all you got?” 

You knew it was risky to push his buttons, but anything was better than giving him the satisfaction of making you feel vulnerable or weak. 

Another surge of electricity shot through you and this time you made no effort to hold back your scream. Your entire body shook violently, your eyes fell shut as a pained howl slipped from your lips. You made the fatal mistake to pull at your binds and lift your knees and the pain could only intensify.The skin around your wrists felt like melting and it probably was. Cause it burned like fire feeding on your flesh. 

The Torvash laughed, “Not so cheeky now, are you, Time Lord?”

“F-fuck y-you!” You hissed, eyes darkening towards him. 

He clicked his tongue, feigning disappointment, “I see how it is…”

You knew at that point, he was about to strike again, so you closed your eyes and held your breath, hoping that this time the pain shot would be strong enough to make you pass out. You waited and waited until it was his piercing cry to echo through the room. Curiosity caused your eyes to snap open again.  

“Torvash, if you were so desperate to get my attention, you could have texted me,” You’d recognize that voice anywhere, it was the Doctor. You let out a long shaky breath you didn’t think you were holding when spotted her. 

She looked ethereal, like an absolute vision after days in a desert. 

With her hand stretched out, sonic pointed at him, he hit him, one strike to his hand caused him to drop the remote he was holding to control the electricity surging from the cuffs, “Ah-ha! I don’t think so.” She quipped, before striking him again when he tried to reach out to the remote at his feet. This time she hit his shoulder, and he let out a sharp cry, to which you spotted the Doctor grin, as if she was delighted by his pain.

It was sexy, you thought to yourself. And new too. 

When she struck another time, your brows shot up in both disbelief and surprise. The Torvash was left unconscious on the ground. He wasn’t dead, but at least he would snooze for a while, giving you and the Doctor enough time to get out of there. 

You snorted out a small chuckle. “What happened to your peaceful ways?” 

She just shrugged, pulling away her sonic, “Mercy is overrated sometimes,” she commented, rushing towards you. 

“It’s so good to see you,” when she stopped right in front of you, a small smile, almost timid, tugged at your lips. 

Her hearts ached and her breathing fastened at the sight of your weary, yet hopeful eyes. She couldn’t help but think this was her fault. 

“I missed you,” her face so close to yours you could feel her breathing across your face. 

“Bet you did,” you muttered cheekily, earning a playful eye roll from her. “I missed you too,” you added softly, leaning in towards her body. She placed her forehead against yours and your hearts thumped even louder. When the chains rattled, she lifted her chin up, to look at your injuries. Color drained from her face the moment she noticed the blood running down your wrists. 

“Oh–” she winced. 

You played cool, as per usual. If you hadn’t been tied up and down, you’d squeeze her shoulder or playfully nudge at her arm to make her smile again. She could light up the Universe with that smile of hers. Make everything better.  

“It’s okay–”

“It’s really not,” she stuttered, forcing out a smile, “but it’ll be. I promise.” 

She pointed her sonic towards the iron cuffs, trying to keep her fingers from trembling while doing so. With a burst of energy, they finally clattered on the floor at your feet allowing your skin to finally breathe some air. Oh, it felt good. When your feet touched the floor, you struggled to keep your balance. The Doctor saw it coming; she draped an arm across your middle, the moment your knees gave in. “Gotcha,” she whispered, voice thick with fear and emotion. 

“Sorry. My limbs are kinda numb.”

She stroked and smothered your damp hair on your forehead, “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

You leaned against her, as she helped you on your feet. With the blood finally flowing back in your lumps, you felt slightly better, but not out of the woods yet. You were tired, and you’d very well enjoy a good snooze like Mister Torvash over the floor. 

“Where’s the TARDIS?” 

“Down the corridor,” she replied, helping you take your steps. 

You hummed, looking around you with a watchful eye, with the fear of bumping into other Torvash along the way. The Doctor squeezed you a bit tighter, recognizing the concern in your gaze. 

“No worries, Yaz and Dan dealt with the others. We are fine,” she said, before pointing out. “You’re fine.”

You hummed absentmindedly, only to realize you didn’t know this Dan she just mentioned. Your eyes shot up in both curiosity and disbelief. Has she already collected another companion to travel with? That would be very much like her, truth be told.

“Have you already replaced me?”

A small chuckle escaped her mouth at your harmless teasing. 

“Don’t be silly. Now let’s go–”

You looked down at her coat, noticing droplets of blood, your blood soiling it. “I’m ruining your clothes,” you pouted, and yet you didn’t pull away. If anything you scooted closer, or she did. You weren’t sure.

“It’s the least of my problems,” she argued, giving your hip a light squeeze.  

“I was starting to think I’d have to say goodbye to this body, you know?”

She clicked her tongue and looked at you as if you had just said the stupidest thing ever. “Not a chance. I’ve got your back, always.”

A moment of silence fell upon you two, once in front of the blue box. Before stepping in, the Doctor hesitated, as if she had some unfinished business to deal with. She spotted the Torvash from a distance, still on the ground. He was starting to move, probably about to regain consciousness. A part of her wanted to wait until he did, only to strike him again and again with her sonic. She wished he paid for what he did to you. 

“Hey,” you muttered softly, squeezing her hand, “He’s not worth your anger.”

Her eyes softened once she turned towards you, “he shouldn’t have hurt you,” she whispered, her hands ran to your cheek and softly traced the contour of your jawline. You shivered under her touch, “No, he shouldn’t have. But I promise, it barely tickled.” 

She hummed, not completely convinced by your admission, however she didn’t insist and the two of you finally stepped inside the TARDIS.

“You know, I tried to be more like you,” you added quietly. It was her turn to share a look of disbelief at your words. “I mean no violence. No weapons. And I realized I’m quite good at that– but maybe, from now on, it’s better if we stick together to avoid complications…”, you gestured vaguely with your hands. 

A sad smile curled her lips, “I’m sorry I made you think you had to… change. You’re brilliant, perfect just the way you are.”

You shrugged nonchalantly, “Nah, I like this new me more,” you assured her. “Besides, you were right. We can’t always rely on violence to fix our problems, even though you taught quite a lesson to that Torvash,” you teased, your tone light and playful as you flopped down on the pavement, exhausted and sore. 

Standing there at the panel room, there stood Yaz with the new recruit, “Heya newbie. Nice to meet ya.”

He waved kindly, and answered with his thick, scouse accent, “Happy to finally meet you too, despite the circumstances.”

Yaz rushed towards you, and before you could protest, she wrapped her arms around your neck in a crushing embrace, “don’t you ever leave like that again!” 

A wave of guilt rushing over you, remembering you left without saying a word to her. She wasn’t there when you and the Doctor had that disagreement. “I’m sorry, Yaz,” you muttered apologetically. 

When she pulled away, she gave you a playful nudge. 

The Doctor stepped in, “you need a proper checkup.”

Your head lolled in the Doctor’s direction, “later?” you pouted, voice drowsy and whiny. You were exhausted and the warmth of the TARDIS, the idea of finally being back home, with your fam, allowed your body to relax even further, to the point that you felt like you could literally fall asleep there. 

The Doctor crouched down with a sigh, “Now,” she objected firmly. 

Yaz playfully rolled her eyes. She walked towards Dan, giving you and the Doctor a moment for yourselves. “I’m never sure whether they are bickering or flirting,” she hummed, her voice hiding a veil of playfulness. 

Dan chuckled at that, “The Doctor talked non stop about her. Doesn’t take a mastermind to figure out she likes her.”

In the meantime, the Doctor had given in. She shifted behind you and drew you onto her lap. Her arms wrapped around your middle, and gently took your hands only to curl your fingers together. Your body melted completely in the warmth of her embrace, you missed so much. Your head lolled back against the Doctor’s shoulder and you let out a content sigh, “I’m so happy to be back.”

The Doctor snorted out a small laugh, placing her cheek on the top of your head, to feel you, smell you, “No more pauses to think, hm?” 

You felt your eyelids get heavier every passing second, yet you smiled. The Doctor knew you were about to drift off any moment now and she held you a bit tighter, “who needs ‘em, anyway?” You muttered sleepily. 

“Not us,” she cooed, before placing a kiss on your temple.

[gentrychild]

Did you already have this ending planned from the beginning or did you have other ideas?

The ending was planned since the very beginning and very little details changed. It was always going to be Izuku dying at Kamino and using that to chase the Plot in the afterlife to make it go through complete cessation of existence. And I had always planned for the very last scene of the fic to be Toga from another world, in front of Izuku's grave then almost getting hit by a truck.

There are two things that changed compared to what I had planned.

First, as I said, there was supposed to be a moment where Izuku willingly goes on a rooftop to show that he had conquered his fear of them. I decided against it for several reasons: 1. it felt like a final scene and I didn't want that to be the final scene, I wanted to show Toga and that Izuku was indeed Izuku all along. 2. It would have cut the flow of the epilogue if I tried to place it anyway. 3. I realized that I didn't quite like it because Izuku's fear of rooftops would be stronger after his little adventure in the place between worlds. He will need time and support to control it, and he will never fully get rid of it.

Second, Izuku wasn't supposed to rest in that cabin in the mountains for two weeks. He was supposed to be there for the whole thing, to catch the LoV and put them on the path of rehabilitation, be there for both his dads' retirement party, meet several other villains and so on. And I decided that no. Izuku has been running around since the first chapter and it's impossible to keep such rhythm forever. At some point, your body forces you to rest and it's a good thing.

[artdivadej]

Survivor's Remorse (II)

Part Two

18+ | NSFW | PTSD

Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

How could I?

Peeta didn’t look scared but that didn’t make this ok. He’s a guy, of course his body would react on instinct. I had no right. I immediately bolt from the bed before he can grab me with those powerful hands of his. Always trying to hold me together and I’d violated him.

“I’m so sorry”, I gasped fighting my tears of disgust.

“Sweetness, you did nothing wrong”, he called in that honey sweet baritone.

I must have looked as feral as I did when I was coming off of the trackerjacker venom during my post-torture rescue. He only ever used that tone with me when I was about to lose my shit.

“I just assaulted you Peeta!”

“No. You were sleeping you-”

“Exactly! Just like what Marvel did to me! You were unconscious!”

“It’s not the same”, he tried softly. “You know how I feel about you. Marvel had no right to touch you!”

I forgot how wild the mention of Marvel made Peeta. I’d never watched our games, no intentions on seeing myself suffer in HD when it never left my nightmares. Marvel was the only tribute that Peeta had killed but I’d been unconscious when it happened. I’d woken up 3 days later latched onto Peeta like a tick, refusing to let go. No panties or shirt under my jacket and jeans but very sore. Marvel was nowhere in sight but, there was blood on the left wall of the cave. Peeta told me he’d gotten to me in time but with the soreness I had? It was clearly to keep what little sanity I’d had left intact. I allowed them to think I’d believed the lie.

It took what little good I had left in me. Forever taking what little hope I had to be with Peeta away.

“I was unconscious. So were you. Unconscious people can’t say no”, I snarled taking another step backwards.

“It’s not the same. I invited you into my bed. I lov-”

“Stop it!” I screeched bolting from the room.

I can hear Peeta scrambling to get together to come behind me but I’ve always been faster. And I cared little for pants anyway. I darted out the window and took off to the forest. It’d grown much lusher since the districts can come and go between each other. It was warm out even with night still reigning. I needed to hurt something so I didn’t hurt myself. Going to my hollowed-out trunk I bypassed the bow today, needing more personal methods of killing tonight.

I stayed out until the sky began to turn Peeta’s favorite colors. Taking that as my sign to head back with my haul. I left half of my kill in the ice cooler in the now updated shed out here that the hunters have asked my permission to utilize. They can carry the heavy buck back to town themselves. I’d skinned it. They can do the rest.

After taking a bath in the pond I finally trekked back to the Victors Village, peeking around the homes to make sure Peeta wasn’t in sight. When the coast was clear I slid into the side window of Haymitch’s living room and started a fire, depositing my kill in the sink. He was fast asleep in one of the armchairs in front of the fire with a cup beside him. I fumbled through the middle cabinet in the back compartment for my secret stash. Found em! I grabbed three of the bottles of the clear liquid and plopped down on the loveseat in front of the fire.

“Want some pants there sweetheart?”, he chuckles with a stretch that makes his bones pop loudly.

“No. But I’ll take a blanket”

He removed the black fuzzy blanket from the chair that Peeta usually sits in and draped it over my legs since I was sitting Indian-style on the couch staring into the flames. The smell of his cinnamon wafted into my nostrils hitting me with another wave of guilt.

“You know he was here looking for you last night, right?”

“I’m sure”, I grimace swallowing 1/3 of the first bottle in one swig.

I understood why Haymitch used to drown himself daily to numb the memories. I quite liked the burn of alcohol myself and the dreamy state that I felt when it hit.

“A bit early for you, isn’t it?”

“You’re one to talk”, I snort

“Exactly. I said early for you”

He took the second bottle from my lap and poured half into his teacup. I shoot him a halfhearted smirk. Haymitch was my mentor but he became more of a father to me than I’d ever known. I liked that he was flawed. It made me feel like I wasn’t alone in this. He didn’t judge me. Haymitch just was blunt. Not everyone liked that. I did. We’d grown close in our last 5 years together knowing he wasn’t one to lie to me....normally. We sat in comfortable silence for a little while before it came tumbling out.

“I molested Peeta”, I breath shakily as I take another gulp.

Haymitch choked on his hot toddy and slammed the cup down. He was on the couch beside me forcing me to look at him faster than I could register with his powerful grip. Sometimes I forget just how agile he can be.

“That is not what you did! Don’t fucking say that again!”

“It’s what it feels like! I was never supposed to taint him!”

“Grow up! You’re both adults now. You know good and God damn well if Peeta invited you to sleep in that bed with him, he’s more than willing to take whatever you give him. He wouldn’t have allowed you to sleep beside him anymore once you turned 18 if you both hadn’t known what could come from your little arrangement!”

“Not like that Pops”, I cried wiping my eyes in frustration. “I almost did to him what Marvel did to me. It’s why I can’t with Peeta. He deserves so much better”

“Is that what you really think happened?”

I’d never seen Haymitch’s crystal blue eyes so downhearted. To finally understand that I never once believed any of them when they told me that lie to keep me sane.

That I know they’d all lied to me.

“If you refuse to watch the game, I think you owe it to Peeta to ask him about what happened that night”

“I did”

He knew this entire topic left me feeling as raw as if the gamemakers rubbed me through a grater.

“No, you didn’t. In the games all you did was ask what happened to Marvel. You never talked about it when he told you he got to you in time. You just assumed he meant saving your life”

“Drop it”

“No. Talk to him about it. It didn’t happen”

“Your pussy didn’t hurt for a week!”, I shout into his stupefied face pushing him away from me and stomping to the kitchen to grab another bottle now that mine were empty.

Haymitch is on me in seconds.

“Look, we can drink ourselves blue, but go sit. Get warm. I’ve got this. We’re going to talk about this. Now”

I resign myself to listen, my body already wracked with physical exhaustion. I didn’t want to deal with the emotional draining this topic required. I curl back up under the soft covers, staring into the flames, wishing they’d swallow me whole. The one person I swore to protect, I’d violated. Yet he’d come here looking for me worried about my mental health. Haymitch has made me a hot toddy and it warms my whole body with each sip.

“You were right you know”

“I always am” he huffed indignantly

“I could live a thousand lifetimes and never deserve him”

“I was being bitter when I said that”

“Still true”

“Never was. You underestimate him as a man and that’s your problem. I know you’re healing; you’re growing. We all are. But you need to accept that he is a man now. Peeta is fully aware of the consequences to all of the choices you two make. Respect him by accepting that”

“I know full well what an amazing person Peeta is”

“Clearly. I said as a man. If you’re dry humping him in your dreams, might as well accept that you love him too. No point in fighting it sweetheart. Truth be told, I thought this happened years ago”

“Haymitch!”

Either the liquor was kicking in or he just was feeling unusually open today. We never really discussed my private life with Peeta sleeping at my place or me at his. I did feel quite loose but I didn’t feel safe. I eyed the chair warily but decided I would need his scent to sleep comfortably. I dragged the comforter up with me and curled into the plush armchair Peeta always sat in, burying my nose in the arm cushion. It smelled just like him. Bread, butter, whiskey and honeysuckle.

“You love him and it’s time to accept it. Even if you were just friends, you don’t think you owe him a conversation about what happened? No matter how in denial you are about what happened in your games”

“I’m scared”, I admit with a tremble as my body sags further into the chair.

I’d only slept for 2 hours at Peeta’s and I was exhausted, the liquor snatching the rest of my energy that his comforting scent hadn’t. I’d been comfortable pretending to believe the lie without ever having to discuss it.

“You’ll get over it” Haymitch snorts tucking the blanket in tighter around me

I feel a kiss to my forehead before I’m out.

***

Haymitch slipped some morphling in your drink. It was easy to get you to listen when he slipped you some after coming down from a manic episode as your sanity lapsed sometimes. It still happened to him sometimes too. It bothered him that you’d felt this way for 5 years but, hopefully you and Peeta would work that out.

Speaking of which.

Haymitch made his way 5 houses down, not bothering to knock as he strolled into Peeta’s kitchen. He’d been up all night worried about you. It was clear because there was fresh baked bread, rolls and bagels all over the counters. Haymitch pocketed 2 rolls clearly made from District 4’s tropical ingredients. Finnick must have sent some over. He grabbed a loaf of raisin bread that had to have come out recently because it was steaming. Peeta looked up from the sink hearing Haymitch crunch on a bear-claw behind him noisily. He quickly dropped the pan he’d been holding and darted over, his wide brown eyes full of worry.

“Is she ok?”

“You are free to come and pick up your delightful cinnamon roll at your leisure. She’s passed out in your chair. Again”

“Did...did you slip her morphling?”

“Didn’t have much choice after the nonsense she was talking”

“What do you mean?”

Peeta removed his apron and slipped on a hoodie, following Haymitch down the front stairs. Haymitch stopped and let out a sigh that seemed like it weighed his entire spirit down.

“She thinks she molested you. And that Marvel raped her”

Now it was Peeta’s turn to recoil.

“What?”

“Exactly”

It would take at least 6 hours for the morphling to wear off but Peeta was nothing if he wasn’t patient. He waited 11 years just to be noticed by you. He could wait a few more hours to clear this up and truly make you his. He made his way into Haymitch’s living room to see you passed out on his lounge. Nuzzling your nose deep into the cushions to feel as if you were surrounded by his natural smell. This brought Peeta some comfort. You still only wore one of his t-shirts and a pair of boxershorts, but it was clear you’d been out hunting. There were still some leaves in your long, dark curls. There were still some leaves in your long, dark curls. He plucked them out and ran his fingers through them tenderly.

“Sorry about this”

“Don’t be. Just...work this out. Today”

“I will”

Peeta scooped you into his arms with ease, blanket and all, carrying you to his home and lying you down back in the bed. He had at least an hour before you began to fight at the morphling, realizing you were alone.

He had to find that tape.

Then he'd have to wake up an old ally. Hopefully he'd have time for him right now.

It took about 20 minutes of fumbling through the large box from when Effie had sent the previous victor tapes over for the Quarter Quell but he finally found it. It took another 20 minutes to split the particularly unpleasant angles out, Peeta grit his teeth angrily trying to keep his head together as his rage threatened to consume him. Beetee helped him through it, talking deeply and gently through their breathing and processing techniques. Once he had the tape together he took it into the bedroom and lay it on the nightstand. Watching you sleep for a little bit, wanting to climb in beside you so bad.

A few hours of indulgence couldn't hurt.

[super-paper]

Do you think Hawks will die to save Toga?

Personally, I wouldn't like it if either of them died. Like, the potential narrative payoff here would be strongest if both of them lived, imo. I would rather see a situation where Keigo donates just enough blood to stabilize them both, rather than a situation where one person completely exsanguinates themselves and leaves behind a rash of trauma and unresolved feelings in the person they "saved."

I'm definitely not the best when it comes to Hawks meta, but I'll try my best to break down my personal feelings on why I feel both Keigo and Himiko need to live in order to "break the cycle":

1. You Can Start Over. I'll Help You.

This one's the biggest, most obvious point in favor of them both living imo. Hawks made an offer to help Jin start over, but rescinded that offer and immediately went for the kill the moment Jin showed signs of resistance. This was Keigo's biggest failure as both a hero and as an individual, and something he has yet to atone for.

In turn, Himiko believes there are no second chances-- that her only options are death or being locked away forever. So, she chooses death. She needs someone to offer her a third option.

The set up is there.

There's also the matter of Keigo and Himiko both stating that they want an "easier world" as their core motivation, and both of them state that they want to be the ones who help make that world.

Their goals only sound simplistic on the surface and serve as a mask for their respective traumas, but... ultimately, a world that's easier for Himiko to live in (where she is consensually given blood by someone who loves her and she is allowed to give her blood back to the world in return) is a world where heroes can finally take it easy-- because it's a world that nips the endless creation of its own "villains" in the bud, through unified acts of compassion and understanding.

Both characters have caused others intense pain and hurt others in their attempts to take shortcuts to the creation of an "easier world"-- Hawks is the hero that's "too fast," and Himiko is also associated with her near-supernatural speed. They're both too impatient and want the quickest possible results. Having both Himiko and Keigo living and learning the "right way" to create their ideal world-- and then, getting to be a part of that world as they both continue to atone-- feels much more meaningful than having one or both of them die before they can see that future reach fruition.

2. The Big, Suicidal Elephant in the Room

The majority of the LOV members all struggle with suicidal ideation-- Touya wants to set everything Endeavor ever chose over him ablaze, and he wants that inferno to also serve as his funeral pyre. Tomura has got a dissertation's worth of issues regarding his own mortality and self-perception/identity, and his whole "let's-just-destroy-it-all/we-don't-need-a-future-actually-lol" schtick has always been a symptom rather than a legit proposal for a cure. Himiko wants to disappear into the identities of the people she loves, because the world treats her a little more kindly when she isn't "Toga Himiko." The LOV trio's arcs all revolve around "death of the self" to some degree. (That said... resurrection and rebirth are also heavy themes within Tenko, Touya, and Himiko's arcs, soooo....)

Keigo also struggles with suicidal ideation and places the worth of his own life far, far, faaaaar below that of everyone else.

This has already been said, and shouldn't really need to be said in the first place, but-- people have every right to feel uncomfortable and criticize a story that attempts to validate suicidal characters by portraying their suicide in a noble/redemptive light.

Next!

3. It's All About All Mi-- Err..... Tomie?

"I was fine with that-- not saving her, turning my back on her. Me, who claims he wants to help people." - Hawks, about Tomie.

"I tried to go about things the right way" is a good line that touches on one of the core conflicts of Keigo's character: He suppresses so much of his natural instinct to do good so he can do "right."

Keigo knows in his heart of hearts that "the right way" doesn't save people like his mother, it didn't save Jin, and it's not going to save Himiko. He's been groomed into upholding the society and status quo that caused him and Tomie to nearly fall through the cracks in the first place-- and I've always found it both fascinating and sad that Keigo seems to equate choosing "the right way" (i.e. becoming a hero) to abandoning his mother. Keigo effectively being *sold* to the HPSC is what took Tomie off of the streets and gave her a roof over her head-- it gave her "a chance to start over." But Keigo doesn't seem to view this as true saving. With that in mind, his attempt to "save" Jin by essentially giving him the same offer the HPSC gave Tomie was always doomed end in failure.

Keigo: "My mother feared punishment for harboring a criminal, so she took me and ran."

Tomie first ran out of fear of being arrested after Takami Thief was captured-- which led to both her and Keigo being homeless for an extended period of time. She ran again after Dabi/Touya threatened her for information on Keigo, this time out of fear of her son-- a son who had became synonymous with "the law" she feared so much in her eyes. She can't bear facing him after her betrayal and implicitly fears punishment/condemnation from him (even though Keigo had *no* intention of punishing her)-- Tomie readily leaves behind the "normal" home and "normal" life that Hawks obtained for her through "doing things the right way," bc the imaginary threat of punishment and condemnation is something that comes across as worse for her. This only further convinces Keigo that he failed to save his mother, even though he's the one who's being betrayed and hurt by her.

I can't help seeing similarities between Tomie & Himiko's decisions to run out of an intense fear of punishment/imprisonment, and how this inevitably ties to Keigo. Keigo subconsciously realizes that he can't truly save people like Tomie, Jin, or Himiko as "Hawks" because "Hawks" is part of the problem. He longs to save others as himself-- as "Takami Keigo" (which is why the loss of his quirk kind of has me like "👀 👀 👀 whatcha gonna do next, turkey boy...,,..👀 👀 👀" )

As an aside, I seem to recall that transhawks made a few meta post where they talk about how there are traces of Jin's design in Tomie (esp her eyes, which have the same dead-eyed thousand yard stare) and that their resemblance is likely intentional (edit: link to one post pointing the resemblance out)-- It's not as overt, but imo, Himiko also resembles Tomie (just a little!) when she has her hair down.

Anyway! Both Jin and Himiko dying after Keigo A) has spent his whole life agonizing about how his own mother wasn't able to survive in their current society, B) has expressed guilt about how he didn't even try to save her and didn't make attempts to involve himself in her life, C) has talked at length about he wanted to be "more like Bubaigawara" and then proceeded to roleplay him, badly, for a good third of Act 3 (ohhhh boy ☠️☠️☠️), and D) had demanded that Toga be killed immediately after she arrives in Gunga, only for Ochako and Tsuyu to explicitly challenge and reject the idea that killing was the only option available.... idk, Himiko dying while Keigo does nothing would just feel massively incoherent at this point??

TL;DR The resolution to Keigo's arc currently hinges on addressing his origin, his identity, his guilt, and his ties to these three characters. Keigo feels that he failed with Tomie, and he explicitly failed with Jin-- and I personally don't think his arc can have a satisfactory ending without addressing those failures through Himiko, or without him trying to right where he went wrong by helping her in some capacity. This is a chance for him to finally follow his innate drive to do good over doing what their society dictates as "right."

----

All that being said, if Hori did decide to have Hawks sacrifice himself: Hawks choosing to sacrifice himself because he wants to believe in the future that the hero kids are creating and wants to believe that children like Himiko have a place in that future feels WAAAY more tonally consistent with mha's themes than Himiko choosing to sacrifice herself because she doesn't think she has a future

One message is about healing and hope and belief, the other is about failing to truly save someone who was already suicidal from their inevitable self destruction.

MHA has been defining true saving as "going above and beyond" for hundreds of chapters now-- true saving means saving a person's heart, body, and soul. It means giving them a future. By mha's own definitions, Himiko choosing to kill herself means she wasn't saved. Pure and simple-- You can't save the heart but not the body/soul (Himiko), you can't save the soul but not the body/heart (Touya), and you can't save the body but not the heart/soul (Tomura). There's a lot more work to be done here-- but that's fine, bc MHA has never depicted true saving or true healing as some magical, instantaneous thing. (#recoverygirldni)

[steddieas-shegoes]

this vamp bites

it's time for weekly fic recs! am i ignoring responsibilities to do this? YES! am i happy about that? YES! every week i post the top 3 (to me) fics from my favorite authors. always check out their masterlists/works because there is always more quality stuff to read! always read the tags first, and remember that being mean to them gets you blocked immediately because it is free to just not say anything at all!

this week the focus is on @t-boyeddie! cj is the absolute king of soft steddie. i don't know anyone else who makes them so, so soft in every version, in every situation. even when there's trouble, they're so soft. they're soft apart, they're soft together, and it's a breath of fresh air to see such lovely things for our boys.

cj's tumblr | cj's ao3

silent spark Rated G | 4,190 words DEMISEXUAL AND DEMIROMANTIC STEVE!!!! It's inspired by Animal Crossing (I am not familiar but I know most people are and will love that) and it's just so cute!!!! Favorite part: Eddie wants to kiss him. This isn't a new development, but it's a thought that's growing more and more persistent the longer he stands and stares, pure longing and want flowing through his veins and making his heart ache. He wishes he could freeze time, just for a moment, to keep this Steve preserved so he can stay this happy forever.

the magic that we'll feel is worth the lifetime Rated M | 7,752 words They're so in LOVE your honor. This tells so much of a story, like truly feels like a 20k fic in under 8k. It's beautiful and really showcases the love that they have for each other with a hint of spice. Favorite part: “I lov-” Before he can finish, Eddie pulls him into his arms and Steve clings to his back, hands fisting in his letterman as he cries into his neck, shoulders shaking. Eddie’s holding him tight and rubbing his back, swaying gently like he’s rocking him. He can feel the breath of his words in his ear but he can’t hear him over the music. Eddie must realize that because he pushes Steve back a bit, and he sees the tears in Eddie’s own eyes, along with the softest smile he’s ever given him.

constant, pleasure Rated E | 3,003 words It's rare that CJ explores smut, but when he does *joseph quinn blowing into mic emoji*. Also Appalachian Eddie lives on and in this house we love and respect Appalachian Eddie. Favorite part: LITERALLY THE ENTIRE THING. But I will say, Eddie calling Steve 'Dove' sent me through quite a comical physical reaction.

[injaws]

jenna ortega, twenty-three, she/her   ⟡   —   is that ESMERALDA HEROUX i just saw walking around kilmer’s cove? i heard they’re a TOURIST who’s been here for TWO MONTHS. it slipped my mind, since they just tend to hang out at THE LIGHTHOUSE. at face value, they’re said to be INTELLIGENT and RESOURCEFUL, but i don’t know… some people have said they can be quite BLUNT and STANDOFFISH. just don’t get on their bad side, i guess! don’t tell them i told you this, but i’ve heard they DO  believe in all the ghost stories around town. who knows what the future holds for them! 

mention of child abandonment.+ disability (vision)

BASICS:

full name: esmeralda genesis heroux nickname(s): esme, es age: twenty-four gender: cis woman pronouns: she/her sexuality: bisexual biromantic date & place of birth: december 31 in el monte, california occupation: paleontology doctorate candidate & researcher at the tanya b. heady museum faceclaim: jenna ortega piercings: so many. six on each ear, a belly button piercing, and a nose stud traits: reserved, polite, observant, cynical, meticulous, blunt, curious, stoic similar to:  kat stratford (10 things i hate about you), prue halliwell (charmed), gayle weathers (scream), camilla saroyan (bones), monica geller (friends), nancy wheeler (stranger things), beca mitchell (pitch perfect) aesthetics: coffee with an ungodly amount of creamer, humming songs while cooking dinner, going outside at 3 am to look at the stars, accidental 5 hour long naps, an earbud always in one ear, an array of rings on each hand, bitten lips, over the ear headphones notable characteristics: wide, boring eyes, typically shaded by lenses; constant eye bags accompanied lips bitten red; hair hastily chopped at the shoulder with the claim of it being "easier to manage"; chunky soled shoes to make up for the lack of height otherwise; a near-permanent suspicious scowl

BULLET POINTS:

— born as one of two twins. her parents, who didn't know they were having twins, gave her up because they didn't prepare for two children. -- esme, who had been born legally blind, was chosen to be the one given up — was fostered and later adopted by parents aksel and sarah heroux in manhattan, new york. — found her forever home with the two, later coming to have younger siblings of her own (her younger brother aleksei is very close to her heart and practically her best friend) — growing up she was always known as an “old soul” (read: autistic), and on account of both her disability and a personality that favored blunt (but observational) remarks, esme was teased a bit relentlessly — grew to be quite reserved and tightly wound as a defense mechanism, building strong armor in the form of poisonous words and evasiveness (no she will not process any of this please dni) — leant into books, music, film, and poetry to help her escape throughout the years and cherished the time she had with her family (homeschool kid ass energy…) — went to columbia to get her bachelor's in geology, and stayed to begin her doctorate program in paleontology — special interest in dinosaurs and yes it is ridiculously serious — applied to work at a research site in scotland (where dinosaurs actually effing existed), got sent to kilmer instead. not happy about it, only staying because she thinks the museum is actually quite cool — currently maybe getting a bit too curious about finding out what the fuck is happening in town/its history … maybe she should watch where she steps :O 

HEADCANONS:

— wears special glasses that correct the little vision she had – can now see pretty much 20/20 with them on, hates them and sometimes doesn't wear them — when not wearing their glasses usually uses a form of echolocation through little tongue clicks or snaps and wears sunglasses to cover her eyes (has very fun shapes i must say) — autistic special interest is dinosaurs. sleeps to dinosaur jungle asmr. please do not engage unless you want to have your ear talked off. ---  baby loves to cook. always trying new recipes & loves to host dinner parties. she did many a cooking classes as a kid. she also danced for a while, but uses it now more as stress relief than anything else. — always tired. 9/10 if she isn’t replying it’s because she’s sleeping. insane concealer budget — loves film and movies and thinking way too deep into them. her letterboxd goes crazy. that being said, their standards are questionable — big fan of animal crossing. terraforming beast. her sims house goes crazy — she has a black leopard gecko named honey, a black cat named milagro, and an array of fish, including a small leopard catshark named buddy. — collects bugs in amber as well as other small fossils — maximalist and has a bajillion stuffed animals — favorite season is winter — always wearing chunky boots — always cold — wicked sweet tooth — rides a motorcycle (her dad hates it she keeps giving him a heart attack) — never found without her cherry cola flavored vape <3

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

guh. check back l8r.

[cloudcountry]

♡ AUBURN'S MUTUALS !! (there's more of you than i thought HELP)

@tinyletterz / 🍙 — my friend since forever ago, genuinely one of the kindest people i have ever met. she's so cute and she writes beautifully!!!! i highly HIGHLY recommend her flower language series GFGRGRGRGRFRFR

@identity-theft-101 / 🪓 — bonded over mushroom stayed for the eels tbh!! chaos incarnate BUT he has a cute bird named asa that said she loves me so i'm winning

@names-are-dumb / 🐚 — i'm so glad i got to introduce them to twisted wonderland. i am reliving my own experience through him rn. IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE OCTAVINELLE GRAHHH!!!!! one month later and we're married he's my husband and my angelfish that i write cringe ass sonnets too and i adore him <33 muah muah

@merotwst / 🧶 — LITERALLY SO SWEET OMG. she's so warm and welcoming its no wonder people just gravitate to her :C i adore her tbh she made me feel so welcomed even though i'm still scared of most twst writers LMAO

@shkrmpp / 🦐 — one of my first moots!!! personally i really love their hair dye headcanons GRAH they're so cute BUT!! they also draw C:< AND ITS A CUTE STYLE. plus their blog always looks MUAH

@siren-serenity / 🌙 — YOU'RE EVIL I STILL THINK ABOUT "i need you" WHY DID YOU WRITE THAT /lh no but actually you're so good at writing angst that rips my heart out like. if i want to sob i'm going for your azul angst (ITS A GOOD THING PROMISE)

@siphoklansan / ☔ — BEAUTIFUL ART. STUNNING. i love love love how much detail she puts into her pieces (yes i am thinking abt the floyd piece for the lipstick challenge ITS SO CUTE) AND SHE DREW STUFF BASED ON THE SONG HEART ATTACK AND I THINK ABOUT IT EVERY DAY.

@fukashiin / 💌 — silly little goofy deuce rambles and omg the leech twins. I REREAD THE STARING THINGY SHE WROTE OVER AND OVER AZULLLL AZUL'S PART IS SO %@$!%##@%!$#$%@!$#%@$!#%!@%#$!@#$%

@ryuubff / 🪼 — omg there is literally so much i could say about them. my first obey me mutual. the first person who was alike "omg let's create solomon content together." i love talking to them sm and honestly they deserves the best because they're so kind and creative C: WAHHHH

@hisui-dreamer / 🌟 — SO SWEET. i know i'm saying a lot but i have so many mutuals that made me feel so welcomed and rinna was one of them. every single piece of work you'll find on that blog is brewing with emotions and gentle care I LOVE.,,.., I LOVE!!!!!!

@officialdaydreamer00 / 🌠 — ?!?!?!?! ALSO INCREDIBLY KIND AND SO SO CREATIVE!!!! they draw me things all the time and it literally melts my heart :((( i love lov love talking to them about octavinelle and they're super easy to connect with :(((

@the-v-lociraptor / 💙 — we literally just became moots a little bit ago BUT i find a lot of good fanart through her!! she reblogs a lot of cool stuff :D !!!!!

@ceruleancattail / 🔷 — I FORGOT TOW RITE SMTH HELP EM anyways <33 ceru writes some cute ass shit that makes me kick my feet and squeal (AND ALL THE AZUL CONTENT I HAVENT BINGED YET....UGH IM SO EXCITED)

@i-like-forgs / 💪 — appreciator of sand cats and draws a lot!! the creator of my wedding venue with azul and enabler of so many of my ramble i am clinging to his ankle as he drags me around

@valerie-leech / 💚 — we just started talking but they're part of the auburn azul wedding squad!! :D im excited to interact with them <3

@twst-beam / 🎉 — we also haven't talked a lot yet but i can't wait to get to know her better C: !!

@iseethatimicy / 💎 — a fellow azul kisser!! i finally found another one!! :D has an unholy amount of azul memes i do not know where they come from (probably pinterest) but they are Fascinating

@acornwinter / 💫 — sends random shit in my inbox because they started talking about their dreams once and i decided Yes!! and now they draw my ocs and its super cute and i love their little tiny ppl drawings C:

@totallymem3 / 🥀 — we just started talking but!! very sweet <33 her art style is just MMMMUAH CHEFS KISS!!!!!!!!! i love it. it reminds me of spring.

@z3llous / 🐸 — draws azul SOOOOO good i love lovelovlevoevloev his art!!! its so scrumptious i eat it all up for breakfast lunch dinner ON NOMNOM

@cecilebutcher / 🪩 — has a bunch of really cool ocs!!! igor my belobed /p they have such a creative mind and its a pleasure to listen to them ramble about the characters they created!!! :D

@ang33333333l / 🙏 — another azul kisser!! we haven't talked much but i can tell doll is a very sweet person <33

@axvwriter / 👻 — SHE HAS AZUL'S DORM UNIFORM AND IM SO JEALOUS. LITERALLY SO UNFAIR.

@soru-ya / 🍞 — THEY WROTE AROACE CONTENT FOR ME :((((( CRYING RN they're such a good writer please go check them out PLEASE im begging you

@rains-asleep / 🐝 — ANOTHE RGOOD WRITER WHAWHWAHWHAHWA <33333 we had such a deep conversation about caramel once it was enlightening.

@shinysparklesapphires / 🎀 — floods my inbox with precure stuff and now its next on my watch list. started the laura and azul siblings conspiracy :O !!!!!

@twistedchatterboxed / 🌊 — The jade kisser ever. we have a lot of mutual moots (hehe say that ten times fast) so i'm excited to get to know her better!! :D

@keii01 / 🍡 — she's so sweet i want to put her in my pocket and carry her around everywhere i go!! she draws a lot of cute stuff too (there is no such thing as too many ribbons <3)

@tsun0tar0u / 🐉 — showed me a genshin glitch once and i have never been the same. also i would die for kafka btw. normal about rollo btw. So Normal.

@non-binary-lil-shit / 🍄 — enables my marine bio and mycology rambling!! also i am very concerned for you C:

@queen-shiba / 🦁 — your profile theme is literally so pretty i am eating it right now (IDK I JUST LOVE ORANGE) also the leona blender post made me so confused but also i laughed really hard HELP

@vioisgoinginsane / 💜 — she likes some vampire game i think LMAO but the twst content? YUMMY. a writer once in a blue moon and apparently best known for the BITING ROOK HUNT post. GET IT!!!

@moonlit-midnight / 🌸 — hannah is such a good writer :(( WRITES PLATONIC FICS DID YOU HEAR THAT EVERYONE!!! PLATONIC FICS!!!!!!! they're all so adorable and make me want to curl up under a blanket with a mug of hot chocolate <3

@ryker-writes / 🦚 — asked about to deep sea and LET ME TELL YOU i got so excited about it and im still writing it hehe. ryker writes a lot of familial angst so its that your thing go for it!!

@datboredpencil / 💀♦️ — GORGEUYS ART ABSOLUTELY SCRUMPTIOUS YUMY UMY UM AN ENTIRE BUFFET!!!! theres a lot of idia x cater content too if thats youre thing!!! :D

@twistwonderlanddevotee / 🪷 — we havent talked a lot but im still happy to have you here!! :D

@beeirdos-buzzing-bogaloo / 🐥 — apparently very normal about sebek. the Most normal. we havent talked a lot but hes silly :D

@dove-da-birb / 🪿 — literally so funny. putting you in my pocket right now!! ALSO I LOVE YOUR BRAINROTTING HELP

@loser-jpg / 😬 — YOUR BEWILDERMENT AT MY DASH SPAMMING WAS REALLY FUNNY i hope you get used to it </3

@ashipiko / 🌺 — THE #1 ACE KISSER EVER???? her art is so munchy and yummy i want to eat it :(( HER STYLE IS SO CUTE SRSLY IF YOU HAVENT SEEN HER ART YET PLEASE CHECK IT OUT

@shyhaya / you should pick an emoji!! — wrote the most fantastic delicious delightful heart wrenching thing for azul and tagged ME in it :(((( AAAAAA IM SO SORRY I DIDNT SEE IT SOONER. IF YOU EVER WRITE FOR AZUL AGAIN PLEASE TAG ME I'D LOVE TO SEE IT.

@musicalhistorical / 👹 — omg hi quotev person you've been putting up w my bullshit since forever ITS SO FUNNY TO SEE YOU HERE LMAO

@thehollowwriter / 🎶 — ITS LITERALLY A CRIME I HAVENT FOUND YORU WRITING SOONER??? WHY HAVENT I SEEN IT??? IM GOING TO BINGE YOUR AZUL FICS RIGHT NOW EVERYONE SHUT UP I AM SHAKING YOU AROUND QUINN

♡ AUBURN'S ANONS!!

magical girl anon

seahorse anon

❤️ anon

[walker33961]

( 2 )

- All of them reached the hospital. Laswell was sitting with head in her hands , looking down at the floor …tears in her eyes for her best friend … all of them came running to her , soap was asking ….

“ WHERE’S PRICE ? “

- Laswell pointing to the glass viewer on the wall where they can see price from outside , yn got near the viewer to see Price bounded with wires around his body , head tied up with gauze, one hand heavily wrapped, face pale and dark circles around his eyes …..

Ghost , Soap & Gaz was just standing cold there … none of their senses were straight in line …

Gaz :

*tears forming *

Why didn’t he let us go ?!?

It wasn’t a solo mission…

Ghost :

*punched the wall *

THIS NEVER HAPPENED…

JUST WHY DOES IT HAVE TO GO LIKE THIS ….

Fucking hell !!!

Soap :

*muffling his Mohawk back n forth *

We should have gone secretly….

*grunts in regret *

- That moment , Yn fell on her knees Gaz & Soap held her ..

“Never knew this side of yn …last time it was her brother’s funeral where she was all pale like this “ Ghost says with a worried tone ,Laswell looked at her ….

“ Loves Price , her intelligence and sense of combat is the reason why I added her as his second in command . Also to keep her near him so he doesn’t feel low ..since he also loves her …“

“ Capt’n made a move ? “ * Ghost concerned*

“ If he hasn’t he has to , Can’t see the girl blame herself forever if something happens , It was never her fault “

* Laswell lets out a huff *

“ He will definitely be steady on his feets soon okay lass ..please don’t overthink “ * soap consoles yn with a sad yet hope filled voice * “ He’s our strong leader “ * Gaz rubs her shoulders lightly *

- Yn was all speechless, like Not even a single breathing sound was heard from her ….She got up and asked if she can go inside the room . Doctor allowed and she went inside …The boys and Laswell was watching from outside …

*steps into the room , gets near his figure and sits near him by chair’s support *

* Held his hand lightly , caressing his hand softly *

* tears started to flow again *

“ Your pain burns me Price *sobs*… It’s burns more than hell “

I …I should have went out for you se..secretly….*sobs*

“ Please..plea..please wake up , I should have told you that ..I ..I love yo..you …please don’t leave me in dark Price “

- Her lines were stabbing in their chest , Ghost couldn’t hold it and tears ran from his eyes … Soap understood this is how it feels when your loved person is hurt .. Gaz understanding why his gf is always so worried about him when he’s on missions …

- Price was gaining sense , Yn was sitting there holding his hands to her chest lightly with her own hands intertwined with his ..

“ Lov…Love …Yn “ * Barely a whisper , enough for Yn to hear *

“ PRICE !! *yn called out with her swollen eyes, intense shock*

DOCTOR !!! HE’S AWAKE “ * She was crying in happiness that he opened his eyes *

- Laswell and the boys were finally in relief. A big weight got lifted from their back …

Doctor immediately came and checked … Told everything is fine since they have already removed the bullets and it wasn’t to late .. need to stay on the hospital for 3 days so that his legs can heal properly .

Laswell got inside the room , Gaz , Soap and Ghost behind .

“ OH GOOD HEAVENS!!! YOU OPENED YOUR EYES “

* Laswell speaking in relief *

“ Good to see ya back Cap “ * Soap and Gaz spoke at the same time *

“ Next time we’re not letting you go on solo .. If it’s not us then Yn is definitely getting assigned with you in every mission “ * Ghost with his relieved yet serious tone *

“ Calm down yn ..He’s back now …” * Laswell side hugging yn *

* Price signaling them to give yn and him some time alone *

“ Keep me on updates Yn “ * Laswell and the boys left *

* Yn nods *

……….

“ Please ..don’t cry yn …see I’m here “ * holding her cheek with one hand so carefully as if it was made from glass *

*yn grabbing his hand *

“ I thought I *sobs* Lo ..lost you “ * Tears still slipping from her swollen pretty eyes *

*Price trying to sit in bed* “ See I’m already fine ..Just that bloody leg is…..”

*Yn hugged him straight away *

“ I LOVE YOU TOO JHON …. AND I ALSO WANT TO STAY BY YOUR SIDE ..FOREVER “

* His eye’s shining by her reply *

*tugged her closely *

“ I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU FIRST … IN A PROPER SITUATION..NOT LIKE THIS “ *holding him tight*

“ I always wanted to take parts with you ..you denied every time why don’t you…”

“ Because I want you to be safe yn “ * releasing the hug , looking straight into her soul *

“We will workout together to keep each other safe ..promise me you won’t go dark like this again . Or else , I’ll go on instead “ * Yn with a weak smile *

“I clearly don’t allow it “ * Price side eyeing her*

“ Means you will always take me and the boys with you no matter what happens okay ? * her face lit up *

“ As you speak , My second in command “ *him smiling innocently *

After 3 days

- Price finally got discharged, back in the base ..taking rest in his room .

His room was filled with welcome back messages in flower bouquets from the people in the base , Laswell , Los vaqueros and specially from his boys …

Soap brought homemade cookies for him , Gaz made a muffler for him since it’s winter already, Ghost brought him The finest tea bag around the country …

* He was holding the note from the boys *

“ Mum made these for ye “ - *doodled soap emoji *

“ Hope you like the colour “ - * doodled blue cap *

“ Finest tea for our fine captain” - * doodled skull emoji *

*he was looking over the surroundings from bed while Yn was looking at him from the peak of the door*

* him not aware of her presence , chuckling over the note from the boys *

“Sweet muppets aye “

* Sun rays hitting his skin , his green eyes shining as it was a dark forest with sun rays making ways*

*yn entered with a large bouquet of Rose and a lunch box *

“ Lunch break was going on , brought time to bring those for you “ * her smiling brightly *

“ You’ve already done much Love .. it’s your time to rest “

“ Look I have paperwork’s from your side so gotta complete them before ….”

* kissed her in lips , sweet yet passionate *

* yn was a blushing mess*

“ You just talk too much Yn “ *Price giggling like a kid*

“ If this is how you’ll shut me ,,I’ll read a whole series of any kind of tasteless joke “ *Yn giving him a slight smirk*

“ If my legs were fine …I would have made yours weak “

* Price Leaning closer *

*A knock broke his intense stare*

“Augh..come in “

* Gaz came in , calling yn for the recent paperworks *

“ The paperworks are here Yn , Load continues till Capt’n is all steady “ * looking at captain with a simple smile*

“I’m coming ..wait …*ugh ah *

*Price was about to fall , Gaz and yn grabbed him*

“Please take rest Honey , I’m handling okay !?!”

“Yn and I are looking over this ..Soap is helping with the shooting range ..Lt is managing the supplies and weapons “

* Price sat on bed , eyes watery due to the sudden pain hitting his leg*

“ Gaz can you give us a minute Mate ? “ *Yn patting price’s shoulder while asking *

“ Sure Sure . And you won’t need to do extra things , Farah made coffee for you while she was making hers “

“Tell her a big thanks please”

“Affirm” * Gaz leaving the room *

……….

“Show me where it’s hurting “ * Yn ready with the painkillers *

“ I was kidding Love , just brought some time for us now “

“ Next time you scare me like that , no kisses for the rest of the week “ * Yn leaving the room *

“ Biggest nightmare a guy can have “ * Replying with a little feared tone ..Yn looking back *

“ Be my good men and let your women treat you “

* leaving the room while saying it loudly *

. . . . . . . . . .

- Soap and Ghost was standing near his room …

“ 5$ if I catch them kissing “ *Ghost with a cocky smile *

“ Bet “ * Soap with an amused voice , fistbumped *

- E N D -

✨ : @alypink @welldonekhushi @bellgraves

[waltwhitmansbeard]

a my fair lady playlist

a year ago today i posted the first chapter of my fair lady, which was supposed to be a little thing that i just needed to get out of my head after reading @romeoandjulietyouwish's for the love of a princess. 144 chapters and one year of obsession later, what i got is my biggest writing project to date. it was also my first real foray into the cr fandom, which has since become, frankly, the biggest part of my life, and i'm just endlessly grateful to each of you who read and interacted with mfl in any way. i'm so lucky to have gotten to share this with all of you.

so to celebrate, i have assembled a way-too-long playlist inspired by the events of mfl. the songs represent the moments and feelings that most stood out to me (or that i could find an appropriate song for, lol). it was fun trying to remember everything that happened (as of rn the entire fic is 450 pages in google docs so...there's a lot) and piece together the story through song. i've written a little blurb to justify each choice in the cut below, but you can listen to the playlist on spotify here! thanks again for sticking around!

1. "My Fair Lady" - KALEO as the song from which i took all the titles for the series, i couldn't not start off with this one. i can't even hear this song now without thinking of mfl.

2. "Security" - Joss Stone since this is a song about being there for a friend in a time of crisis, i thought it was the perfect choice for the beginning of keyleth and percy's lifelong friendship. percy showed up in zephrah traumatized and barely holding it together, and keyleth was the rock that kept him from collapsing.

3. "Best of Friends" - Pearl Bailey marisha put this one on one of her keyleth playlists to represent keyleth and percy, and she was right! is there any better song for those two growing up as best friends?

4. "Fountain" - Sara Lov keyleth grew up under the shadow of her mother's loss and the pressure of a nation's expectations. someone give this child a BREAK!

5. "Uptown Girl" - Billy Joel oh, you think this is about vax and keyleth? WRONG. percy is an uptown girl and vex is his downtown man coming to shake his world.

6. "Stay Awake" - London Grammar how many nights did keyleth and vax stay up with the moon, learning to love each other? who did they become with no one but the shadows and each other to watch them grow?

7. "goodnight n go" - Ariana Grande this song just gives me such intense vex vibes. she wants so bad to get percy out from under her skin but no dice, he's there to stay.

8. "Foolish Thing" - Darren Criss vax knows that he absolutely cannot be catching feelings for the princess for any number of reasons. but that doesn't stop him from being a dumbfuck in love!

9. "Sacrilege" - The Yeah Yeah Yeahs keyleth knows that she absolutely cannot be catching feelings for her guard for any number of reasons. but that doesn't stop her from being a dumbfuck in love!

10. "You Get Me" - Michelle Branch even though she grew up royalty, keyleth never felt like she fit in in her own world. she was always different, out of place. but vax sees her strange edges and knows the shape they make.

11. "Dreams" - Caroline Glaser keyleth is down bad! she can't sleep without vax there, and vax is more than happy to reassure her that she's it for him.

12. "Take Me to Church" - Hozier this is my pick for some night just seem forever lasting, because if there's one thing vax is gonna do it's worship on his knees at keyleth's altar.

13. "Holy" - King Princess keyleth is busy with a nation and a war but she has time at the end of the day to fuck her man, and that's what really matters.

14. "Into You" - Ariana Grande this one is for the true sluts of the castle, vex and percy. stay horny, you absolute lovesick fools.

15. "River of Tears" - Alessia Cara just absolute depression and forlorn longing from vax and keyleth both when they're forced to be apart. drama queens, the both of them.

16. "The Lightning Strike (Part I: What If This Storm Ends?)" - Snow Patrol remember that time keyleth summoned lightning and used it to strike a bunch of attackers dead? so do i, and so does vax. it was his first time being confronted with the possibilities of the wild power she wields, and it definitely isn't something he was ever going to forget.

17. "Rich Youth" - Hayley Kiyoko keyleth and tiberius were both raised in the shadow of powerful fathers, and they came together to advocate for a future that represents the nations they want to lead.

18. "My Immortal" - Evanescence thank you to @ravendruid for the suggestion! does anything say vaxleth more than melodramatic longing? this song is for all the lingering heartbreak as they tried (and ultimately failed) to stay apart for so long.

19. "I Don't Mind" - Darren Criss one of my favorite pieces of writing from mfl was keyleth's proposal to vax. he's so convinced that she'd be better off without him, and all she wants to do is convince him that he's worth all the trouble waiting them.

20. "Love Story" - Taylor Swift forgive me for adding taylor swift to this list but you gotta admit, it's very appropriate for the vaxleth wedding.

21. "Dancing in the Rain" - Johannes Bornlöf let me be indulgent! this is the song i picked to play while reading the wedding chapter, so ofc it makes the list.

22. "The Deal" - Mitski thank you to @crispysnake for the suggestion! i mean, this is absolutely vax carrying his dead wife's body beneath the castle and striking a deal with the raven queen to bring her back. it's like it's what the song was written for.

23. "Castle" - Halsey just big keyleth charging to the throne room to demand her father release vax energy with this one.

24. "Growing, Growing, Gone" - Theo Katzman korrin was confronted very suddenly with the reality that his little girl wasn't a little girl anymore. she has a whole life ahead of her that is outside of him, and that's hard for a dad to come to terms with.

25. "Kiki (feat. Iron and Wine)" - Rett Madison y'all, the way i SCREAMED when i first heard this song on rett's new album!!! i just imagine vilya trying to reach out to keyleth, to let her know that she's been watching and of course, of course she's proud of her, of course she approves of vax, of course she wants nothing more than for her baby girl to happy.

26. "Wildflowers (Tom Petty Cover)" - Miley Cyrus this song makes me thing of the little cottage on the hill, and of korrin's wish for his daughter to have a place where she feels free. he knows that the castle has never really felt like her home, and so he gives her and her new husband a place they can build a home for themselves.

27. "Bubbly" - Colbie Caillat this song is just the pinnacle of happy love. it's vax and keyleth waking up in their bed, in their house, in their love's arms. it's happiness.

28. "Sunday Morning" - Maroon 5 remember that time vex was like "this was fun but i gotta go home" and percy was like "but what if i was home?" and fluttered his lashes like a harlot? me too.

29. "Family Tree" - Matthew West pending fatherhood is terrifying, especially when your own father is a sack of shit. of course vax would doubt his own ability to be for his child what syldor couldn't be for him and vex.

30. "A Woman's Work" - Kate Bush the definitive anthem for women creating life. keyleth is a goddess for so many reason but especially for making a literal person.

31. "Dear Theodosia" - Original Broadway Cast of Hamilton just DAD feelings up in this bitch! vax is a dad and korrin is a dad and percy (eventually) is a dad! also there's a new nation coming just around the corner! the perfect song!

32. "Brother Run Fast" - KALEO to me, this song represents vax and percy's understanding that the horrors of percy's past are coming for vax's present, and the two of them will stop at nothing to fix what was broken. they are both desperate for forgiveness they do not need, and they are both determined to keep the other on course.

33. "Yours & Mine" - Lucy Dacus imagine telling keyleth of the air ashari to sit at home while her family and friends venture out to save her daughter's life. IMAGINE!

34. "Trials - Demo" - London Grammar what is keyleth and vax's relationship if not an endless gauntlet of trials from which they must continually find their way back to each other?

35. "Delilah" - Florence + the Machine this song is just...everything. it's delilah and sylas. it's cass and the ghosts of the castle she's caged in. it's vilya, crying out for her mother. it's keyleth, coming to kick ass with a daylight spell. it's percy, reclaiming what was his all along.

36. "Show Me the Way" - Styx vax went THRU IT during gocmh, and his turning to the raven queen was a move of absolute desperation. he needed his matron's guidance not only to get his daughter back, but to put the pieces of his life back together.

37. "Glory and Gore" - Lorde what can i say? vox machina fucks shit up.

38. "Work Song" - Hozier percy may die twice but that ain't gonna stop him from simping for vex.

39. "Happiness" - The Fray this song is about happiness, but it has such a melancholic sound to it, which really works for baby vilya's return to zephrah. yes she's home, which is an immense relief, but she's brought home to a tragedy. nothing is simple.

40. "Kingdom of One" - Maren Morris hey vallen: get fucked.

41. "Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)" - Billy Joel this is, to me, the ultimate father-daughter song, and in the context of mfl it makes me think of the unfinished letter keyleth found in her father's room after his death. just a reminder that even after someone dies, their love for those they leave behind never will.

42. "Starts With Goodbye" - Carrie Underwood i don't know what it's like to fundamentally reshape the structure of an entire nation in order to secure a more stable future for your child, but i imagine it feels like this!

43. "Matchstick" - American Royalty thank you to @ravendruid for the suggestion! sometimes self-care is setting the man who murdered your parents and helped kidnap your daughter on fire.

44. "Chords" - The Amazing Devil parents play such a big part in the story of mfl. the absence of keyleth's mother, the fact that her father is also a king, korrin being a father to percy, the twins confronting the father they fled, and of course, vaxleth and perc'ahlia becoming parents themselves. if there's anything they can take away from all of the heartbreak, it's wanting the best for their children, at the cost of everything else.

45. "Everywhere, Everything" - Noah Kahan had to end on some noah kahan in order to keep @crispysnake from gnawing at the bars of their enclosure. again, just the absolute vaxleth melodrama of "wanna love you til we're food for the worms to eat, til our fingers decompose." disgusting. i love them so much.

[aquaquadrant]

aqua. aqua the. the chapter. aqua. ohooohm my gosh. th. if. if he cant have. the sun. he'll learn to love his shadow. ohhhhm y gosh. i i wasnt expecting a chapter for. like. forever, literally began to cry as i saw that there was a new chapter outta nowhere!!!!?!?!?!!??!!???!!!!! i am deranged. also. also etho loves. he loves the jungle. his. his favorite biome is the jungle. his favorite biome is the jungle it's one singular passing line but my attention has fixed onto it. h. he lov,es th,,e jungle,,,, its!! pathbubs crumbs!!!! i miss them!!! once again you've absolutely outdone yourself <3

ahem, back to normal- first off, i was wondering if you had any plans to implement angst regarding timmy finding out that bravo thinks of him as like, the second-best version of him? because while 'if he cant have the sun, he'll learn to love its shadow' could be quite sweet its also heeeeelllllllla toxic on bravos part. for timmy to find out that bravo thinks he's jimmy's lesser version and that he's only helping him/being friends with him/having a relationship with him because bravo couldn't have jimmy and is settling would be an Absolute punch to the gut... i mean timmy already has enough misery and trauma looming over him about to strike (please let my boy be okay in the end <3 i am... very worried. if jimmy is my son then timmy is my favorite traumatized nephew whomst i will shower with gifts and candy) but y'know,, just somethin to think about :)

oh! Also! you already have so many tasty parallels in htp (seriously, i am unhinged, as to say i am No Longer Connected To The Door Frame), but at the point where jimmy and tango were being restrained and jimmy mentioned almost choking on blood and then that he should've killed himself to spawn back at the ranch, i was totally thinking you'd parallel how tango escaped hels tek with jimmy choking on the blood,,,,,, then again, maybe the parallel went unfilled because jim's in a much more hopeful situation than tango was- a bunch of lethal and very pissed friends to defend him, nice home, etc.. yeah. And one more thing: kudos and applause and hip hip hoorays that you didn't choose to implement misunderstandings and have Jimmy even once doubt Tango or stop fighting for him. I for one have had quite enough of misunderstandings just for the sake of drama, and although tango's not the best at communicating, he's got unresolved trauma, and jimmy, thank the stars, does not jump to conclusions and instead trusts Tango and waits until more information is revealed. thank you so, so much for that. we love healthy relationships here <3 (*looks at bravo and timmy*)

Amazing writing as always, hope my deranged ramblings were at least clear to read, and i hope you have a stellar day! 💫✨⭐️

SAAAAALT THANK U i’m so glad u enjoyed it. the fact that etho’s favorite biome is the jungle is my favorite fun fact abt him bc then bdubs went and got all jungle-possessed in s5 and it just works SO well together :3

oh don’t you worry about the upcoming timmy angst. there will be Plenty. it will get worse before it gets better.

PARALLELS. YES. i’m always looking for opportunities to throw those in and it’s nice when they get picked up on.

and YEAH see i felt like if some total stranger showed up and accused tango of all these horrible things, it wouldn’t make sense for jimmy to believe him? and especially not the hermits, who’ve known tango for nearly ten years at this point. so really, the only one taking bravo’s words to heart is tango. he might not have been very mentally present but you best believe he heard every word :)

[totaldramafan-lauri]

MS. LAURI 🧍EYE… I WOULD LIKE TO DRAW FANART OF YOU UR FIC… AS A THANKS FOR FEEDING THE GOLDEN CHEESE COMMUNITY…

Also question of the day: Top 3 favorite cookies!!! Here are mine…

Golden Cheese Cookie (WIFE… I lov her… oh god…)

Mystic Flour Cookie (Also wife!!! She’s actually the reason I started playing.)

Shadow Milk Cookie (Evil and jester!!! Also… would.)

- 🐝

F-F-F-FA-FA-FAFAFAFAFA-

FANART!!?!?!!??! O///////O

F-fanart....of my- my-

I-I-

I......I-I've always dreamed of that, for years......b-but I never asked cuz it sounds selfish- I- Th-the fact that my writing can inspire art- i-it always sounded so nice, b-but....I-I never actually....

A-and recently.....o-one of my readers drew Golden Cheese specifically for me, a-and I thought that was enough......>///////< I-I didn't think I actually needed fanart of my FIC....

B-but....I-I guess, if you really really wanna do it, then....I-I....won't be opposed.....n-not at all.....! o//////o J-just.....d-don't feel forced.....! I-I'm fine if you don't do it, either....! Th-this has never happened, so....yeah, it's fine.....!

H-holy crap.......x///////x

U-uh....f-favorite three cookies....? R-right, OK......I-I would explain better, but what you said got my brain all fghdgfgdshjfrdhgdgjdh s-so I'll just keep it short X//////D

-Affogato (I'm still convinced that Devsis read my mind when they were creating him. He's literally a combination of SO many of my fav tropes, it's insane. He's the perfect character for me...) -Golden Cheese (Do I even need to...s-say anything...? Sh-she rules my life right now....I-I think I explained everything in the notes for chapter 1....x//////x) -Espresso (Used to have a crush on him back in 2021, don't anymore, but he's still a great character and I'm still very attached to him for various reasons that I'd be here forever if I tried to list them all XD)

I-I also hold Pure Vanilla, White Lily, and Red Velvet in very high regard....

N-now if you excuse me, I-I need to....c-calm down....

[doctorweebmd]

We will wait and wait in that space and part 2 of tht series keeps me up at night well i havent read both of them but i read the summaries and the end of part 2 and started crying

you write angst so well omgg

ive read some of ur fics and posts and u seem like a really cool person!!! What do you think is your saddest fic? I'm a sucker for angst. Im reading ur bkdk fics and im like this hits so hard omg

also new mha chapter, if this isnt too much i just wondering what r ur thoughts on it? I saw a recent post from u abt it so im assuming u alr read it or something. Sorry if this is alot!

hahahha oh my gosh thank you! i don't know how i gave off the impression i was cool at all because i am not

hmmm in terms of the saddest one? I'd say its we will wait and wait in that space, hands down. There's such a certain helplessness and hopelessness in loving someone so much, trying to save them over and over and over again, and knowing that the only way they live is if you're not part of their life. for Izuku, who desperately wants to save people, who got his power because he wanted to save Katsuki - urgh. The devastation. If any of them are worth a read for angst specifically, its that one.

ooooffff thank you for asking about the new mha chapter. its a really, really hard question to answer. there's a very melancholic vibe in the classroom, it seems. i feel for izuku. the amount of loss he's suffering through is immense. he failed to save the one person that he promised himself he's try to reach. he lost his quirk, his dream, broke his body to save everyone around him. he saw his heroes, his idols, his friends die and break and mutilate themselves and felt responsible for all of it. he is sixteen years old and the world as he knows it has changed. forever. how can that boy possibly be in a place where he can return to any semblance of normal?

i hope we have a chance to explore his grief. i hope there is a deku vs kacchan part 3, where katsuki beats izuku's 'i'm fine' out of him. i hope he cries and breaks down and tells him just how tired he is of pretending to be strong for everybody else. i hope they finally talk. that izuku acknowledges just how sincerely and completely katsuki admires him and cares for him. i hope that they can hold each other up, support each other. i hope that he can start to forgive himself. i hope, you know?

on that note, i desperately desperately hope that the 'mysterious' figure in the end is Tenko. listen, i've thought a lot about shigaraki's 'death' in the past week and a half. and, as always, i stand with the fact that horikoshi is an excellent writer and whichever way he decides to end this series and his characters is the right way. he has never been careless in the past ten years with these stories, and i dont have a single doubt he'll start now.

i've spent years talking about how shigaraki is by far my favorite antagonist in any anime ever, and that the LoV are, in every sense of the word, the greatest villain team of all time. horikoshi wrote them with as much love and sincerity as he did the heroes. if the choice to kill tomura is deliberate because it hits so hard, then i dont think it was the wrong choice. he stayed a villain until the very end, and we still loved him. we still sympathized with him. he will still haunt the narrative forever. he still was a hero to the villains. he still gave the disenfranchised hope. he still changed the world.

if he's dead, i need him to be grieved. by toga. by touya. by spinner. by izuku. i need him never to fade.

BUT. but. if he lives. if what disappeared was simply his 'vestige' of Decay and his physical body still exists somewhere, Quirkless. If he has a chance to live as Tenko Shimura. free from All for One. From the house that bound him. from the name Shigaraki itself..

i. i can't imagine a more powerful narrative than to give the villains a chance to live. to be cared for. to be loved. to see the world around them and know that it is with their own hands that they changed it. for people like them. for the future. if this is a story about hope, then that is what hope looks like to me.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

not 2 exaggerate or anything but youre my absolute fav writer on tumblr 💥💥💥💥💥 im a big fan of domestic/comfort/simple, warm moments type of genre in fics and your works just rlly scratch that specific itch in my brain. whatever fics u post im like yo.... this is everything im looking for in a fic..... wheres the source from..... r u sucking them out from my brain be honest have u dug a hole already and using me for popularity 🤨🤨🤨 (/J)

might be bc im on my period or wtv but i was gg thru your masterlist ytday night before gg to sleep and i cried while reading "i've alw loved the way you eat," "i dream now of a normal life with you," and "ask me to leave and i'll stay forever." like jfc theres such a specific type of intimacy and soft moments you convey through your words SO WELL i physically feel my heart melting reading them. like UGH esp in "i dream now of a normal life with you" where suguru is just so soft and sappy over reader im just like UGHHHH I WANT SOMEONE TO LOVE ME LIKE THAT AND FOR ME TO RETURN BACK THE SAME LOVE, IF NOT MORE TOO!!!!!!!!!

u get it, u rlly do - honestly u have the best fanon hcs and characterization of suguru i love that man sm so to see him so accurately represented rlly makes me so happy tq for understanding him....... sometimes i see a mischaracterization so bad in a fic i just have to close the app and touch grass LMFAOOOO but u get it.... u rlly do.... never once posted a wrong hc about suguru.... op ur brain <333 u make me so happy i love u sm thanku for creating such beautiful fics i alw come back to reread a bunch of ur stuff, they never get old, it's literally everything im looking for. idc how "boring" hurt/comfort fics r, like even if there's no drama, sometimes simple is best and u do it so, so well thanku op i lov u muacks ❤️

anon ……….

you are . the sweetest in the whole wide world. in the universe. u genuinely don’t UNDERSTAND how big my smile was when i saw this…. melted into a tiny little puddle on the floor

I LOVE YOU….. 🥺🥺🥺 i love you forever and ever and i’m so thankful for your support!!!!! i don’t even know where to begin i’m so overwhelmed pbdkdbdj (AFFECTIONATELY)…. YOU CALLING ME YOUR FAV WRITER? IS SO INSANE??? AND SUCH AN HONOUR????? i cried a bit ngl i’m just. very very thankful T_T but anon.. you can’t expose me like that </3 how am i supposed to get my daily dose of clout if you go around telling ppl abt the ideas i steal directly from your brain???? smh /j ily <3

I’M. just. so unbelievably happy that my writing can mean something to you 😭 and make you feel something!!!! when i hear that ppl cried reading one of my fics i always get so . emotional. it just means so much!! i don’t want you to cry but i’ll accept your tears happily :’3 i hope they were sappy tears and not Sad Tears…..

ON THAT NOTE. THE SAPPINESS. THE SOFTNESS. YES. i’m so happy you could feel it bc most of my fics rlly are just intimacy and nothing else and!! i rlly like writing them that way….. m just happy you enjoyed reading them too :’’’3 i dream, now, of a normal life with you is very near n dear to my heart so!!!! i’m overjoyed that you liked that one in particular 🥺🥺🥺 it just makes me feel so happy and appreciated and . i want to explode a bit. soft sappy sugu is best sugu!! i’m sure you’ll find a love like that some day anon <33 we all deserve it!!

ON THE TOPIC OF SUGU. there truly sincerely is nothing i love hearing more than anons who tell me i do sugu justice. IT MEANS SM TO ME…. he’s so complex and multifaceted and knowing that my own take on him can resonate w anyone makes me soooooo happy…. 🥺🥺 and you saying i have the best characterization of him????? just makes my soul want to ascend. sniffle. thank you!! he’s our golden boy and i love him very much…. honestly i’m way more picky abt gojo than sugu when it comes to mischaracterization but i understand you completely anon…. sometimes i see a take that my brain won’t even let me conceptualize bc i disagree with it so much and then i just have to close my eyes and reboot </3

op ur brain <333 u make me so happy i love u sm thanku for creating such beautiful fics i alw come back to reread a bunch of ur stuff, they never get old, it's literally everything im looking for. idc how "boring" hurt/comfort fics r, like even if there's no drama, sometimes simple is best and u do it so, so well thanku op i lov u muacks ❤️

sorry had to copy paste this bc it made me want to CRY. you make ME so happy hello???? you have no idea the pure amount of endorphins this ask gave to me 😭😭😭 I’M HAPPY I CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY…. you have my whole heart and soul anon atp let’s just get married i think . my heart is yours to keep!!! i can’t tell you how mushy i get knowing there are people out there who read my fics not once but multiple times….. yeah. i’m just. very grateful for you anon <3333 thank you so much for your support and for sending me this lovely ask. i’m gonna be reading it forever n ever !! :((((