#i lost sleep making this why do i do this

[traveler-at-heart]

Doctor's In - Holiday Special

Summary: You get ready for your first Christmas with the Maximoffs, but not everything goes according to plan.

Part 2 of 3 of the Holiday Special

A/N: Can you spot the major character we're introducing?

Wanda Maximoff x F!R

Wanda wakes up, alone and confused. The light outside tells her it’s later than usual, and she suddenly remembers it’s a school day.

The woman hurries down the stairs, finding you in the kitchen.

“Hey, chatty patty” you say with a smile, loving her disheveled state. “Hungry?”

“What time is it?”

“Almost 11” you look at your wrist watch, pushing a plate towards her.

“School! The kids!”

“I already drove them to school, and yes they had breakfast that wasn’t just cereal” you explain. Wanda finally sits, and looks at the french toast you’re offering.

“This is really good” she praises as she takes a bite.

“I know I call you cute when you’re cooking, but that’s not the only reason I watch you do it, baby” you smile, kissing her temple as you stand up to pour her some coffee. “In Medicine you learn by watching and doing. I’m trying to learn cooking as if it was the same”

“You’re on the right track. Thank you” she comments as you hand the mug. “I’m just a little lost, why did I not wake up?”

“You really don’t remember?” you say, amused.

“No. Did we…?” she says, suddenly afraid that she fell asleep in the middle of sex.

“Oh, no. If we did, you’d remember. Trust me” you say in a low voice, moving closer. Wanda’s eyes drift to your lips and you smile, pleased with her reaction. “No, we didn’t have sex, baby. You woke up at two in the morning talking about a book idea and I wrote it all down until you went back to sleep”

Wanda notices the notebook on the counter, and she takes it. The story is about a girl that makes a drawing of her perfect pet. Her brother sees it and adds things like dragon wings and fangs. By night, the drawing comes to life, and it follows the girl everywhere she goes.

“This is a full story”

“Mhm”

“This is like three months work”

“Glad to hear we were productive” you nod, not understanding her issue with saving months of work.

“This never happens!”

“Counterpoint, you never had a light sleeper that woke up to your mumbling” you point out, stealing some of her toast.

“Yeah… that’s a good point” Wanda says, frowning. You miss the way she looks at you, as you lean forward to read over everything she said while asleep. Honestly, the story is sweet and very original. To think it was something she came up while asleep is bonkers.

“Wow” you laugh as Wanda lunges forward, kissing every inch of your face.

“You’re so hot right now” she says against your neck and you sigh, pleased.

“Well, let me show you what other stuff we could do to lose some sleep” you propose, carrying her to the couch.

—

For the next day, while you’re at work, Wanda is focused on meeting with Laura and her publisher. You get a few texts here and there, but you know she’s in the middle of a creative storm and you’re happy she finally found the inspiration needed for her next book.

Still, it’s a tough shift as you lost sleep on your day off.

“Wild night?” Darcy says as you’re sprawled across the break room couch.

“Jealous?”

“Meh” she shrugs her shoulders. “I hear Fury is going to be lighting up the Christmas tree in the foyer. Wanna come see?”

“Oh, yeah!” you stand up, eager to check if it will go down the same as every year. Without fail, someone forgets to test the lights and as he plugs it in, nothing happens.

Darcy and you are leaning against the railway, chuckling while Fury screams.

“Every damn year! We run a hospital. Why can’t anyone check the lights?”

“It never gets old” you smile, feeling like the holidays are finally here. You’re about to suggest a trip to the cafeteria when Carol comes right behind you, borderline hysterical.

“Where the hell have you been?”

“Uh… is there an emergency? Did you page me?” you check your device, Darcy frowning at Carol’s outburst.

“Yes, there’s an emergency! Come here, the both of you”

With surprising strenght, she pulls you to one of the meeting rooms, a couple of sample cakes in display.

“We’re tied”

“Who is?” you say, reading the flavors written in the small cards.

“Maria wants one flavor and I want another one. We need a tiebreak. You are my maid of honor. So, help me!”

“Ok, we’ll try them out. Jeez”

“I’ll be right back” Carol says, leaving the room in a hurry.

Grabbing a fork, you begin to take little bites of every cake, nodding approvingly.

“Chocolate ganache is to die for” you moan, feeling so happy that Carol is in the middle of this predicament.

“You should have red velvet for your wedding” Darcy points at the one she’s tasting.

“I’m not getting married”

“Yet”

“Darcy, come on” you roll your eyes.

“Oh, like you don’t have an idea on how to propose to Wanda already” she mocks, which shuts you up real fast. “I know you better than anyone. And I better be your maid of honor”

“I’m not getting married” you insist, this time  with less conviction.

You keep discussing the flavors and come to the conclusion that chocolate ganache is the winner.

“That’s the wrong answer! Carrot cake!” Carol huffs when you tell her your decision.

“Not everyone likes it. It’s just a weird choice” you say, while Darcy nods.

“Everyone likes chocolate” she points out.

“Fine, whatever! You win, Willy Wonka” Carol storms out of the room.

“Wow, you dodged a bullet there” Darcy says and you nudge her side.

“Don’t be mean. She wants her wedding to be perfect. That’s nice” in that precise moment, you get paged and you decide to take the rest of the chocolate cake to eat on the way. “See ya!”

“Thief!”

A couple of emergencies take your attention, making you go into the OR. Your phone is forgotten and by the time you check, there’s a single text from Wanda.

W: Are you coming for lunch? I want to tell you something important.

Your heart begins to race, and you remember a few days ago during the snow storm. She mentioned something but you distracted Wanda and you figured it wasn’t that important.

Y/N: Is everything ok?

Coming out of nowhere, Carol once agains blindsides you.

“Are you ready to go?”

“Go…”

“Dress fitting. Your bridesmaid dress”

“Now?” you look at your phone. Wanda hasn’t replied. But Carol looks ready to kill you and you won’t take your chances. “Sure, let’s go”

Y/N: Gotta take care of something, will try to be back for lunch. Love you.

There’s no reply and during the entire car ride, you look out the window, wondering if you messed up in any way.

“I’m sorry” Carol says, mistaking your silence with annoyance. “For snapping at you”

“Oh, that’s… well, not cool, but I don’t take offense. I just never thought you’d be the Bridezilla type, Danvers” you joke.

“It’s more about the holidays. Maria’s family and mine are coming over. They’ve met each other a few times, but you know… it just feels like whatever happens during Christmas will set the tone for the wedding. And marriage”

“Sounds like a lot of pressure” you agree.

“I admire you for setting boundaries with your mother”

“It’s not a boundary, it’s more like thousands of miles and avoidance” you reluctantly admit, which makes her laugh. “It’s all gonna be fine. You’re marrying the girl of your dreams, and I will be there as well, in a cool, not at all pink bridesmaid gown to help with whatever happens”

“Actually…”

“It’s pink?” you say, mouth wide open. Carol nods, avoiding your eyes and you huff. “You’re lucky I’m such a good friend”

—

Wanda’s buzzing with excitement as she stops by the cafeteria, ready for her second meeting of the week with Laura.

It seems as if this new book will be out fast, and if it’s as successful as her past stories, Wanda could finally have some free time to focus on a whole different thing: a trilogy for young adults.

Wanda leaves the cafeteria carrying a tray with two cups and scones, knowing that you’d be the first one to support her if it all works out.

She’s surprised to find you walking across the street, as your last message gave her the impression you still had work to do. Wanda is about to call for you, when someone else joins you in the sidewalk.

Carol says something that makes you smile, linking her arm with yours. Both of you walk in the opposite direction of Wanda, getting inside a store.

Wanda replays the moment where Carol opened the door for you over and over again.

“Ready for day two?” Laura says as soon as her friend walks to her office. “Wanda?”

It doesn’t take much for Wanda to tell her what she saw. Beyond that, she goes over your strange attitude recently, smoking compulsively and having trouble sleeping.

“Maybe she’s rethinking our relationship, maybe Carol is trying to win her back…”

“Wow, slow down. You said they were going inside a bridal shop?”

“Yes, I think it was”

“Well, what if… she’s thinking about… ya know” Laura says, wiggling her eyebrows excitedly.

“No, I don’t. What do you mean?” Wanda says, resisting the urge to drive back and get answers straight from you.

“Ok, so she’s been nervous, she visits a shop with all kinds of things for a wedding. Could it be that she’s working up the courage to propose?”

“No… I don’t think so. Do you think that could be it?” Wanda says.

“I think based on everything I’ve seen and heard about Y/N, that makes a lot more sense than her cheating on you” Laura shrugs her shoulders. “Look, just tell her you saw her. I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation”

“But what if she is proposing and I ruin the surprise?” Wanda pouts, torn between what to do.

“Let’s get to work, I’m sure you’ll figure out what to do” Laura tries to divert the conversation, which works for a little while.

Except, she’s typing and Wanda is just doodling instead of creating sketches.

“Would you say yes?” Laura asks, amused at Wanda’s enamoured look.

The woman shrugs her shoulders, biting her lip as she imagines what it would be like to be married to you.

Needless to say, she doesn’t get much work done after that.

—

The flowers might be too much, but you rather be on the safe side. Wanda never replied to your text, so you drove straight home as soon as you came back from the dress fitting.

“Honey, I’m home” you joke, leaving your winter jacket and scarf at the coathanger. To your surprise, Wanda is sitting at the kitchen counter, looking conflicted.

“Hey” she says, letting you kiss her cheek. “What is this?”

“My favorite girl’s favorite flowers” you sit next to her, worried. “Is something wrong? I know you wanted to talk”

“Yes. I…” she takes a deep breath and turns to look at you. “Is something going on between you and Carol?”

“What? Is that what you wanted to talk about?” you say, confused. Where is this coming from?

“No. I was at the cafeteria around Bleeker Street and saw you with her” she admits, sighing.

“Wanda, I’m sorry. No, nothing’s going on. Carol and Maria are getting married and she asked me to be her bridesmaid. I said yes, before even thinking about consulting you. I guess I didn’t even know how to bring it up. I know our past… makes things weird”

You hesitate about reaching out for her hand, but then she lets out a laugh.

“I was about to ran over Danvers’ bike” she says, bringing her hand to her chest. “I’m sorry for not trusting you”

“No, I’m the only one who should be apoligizing. I should have told you. Can you please forgive me, love of my life?”

“There’s nothing to forgive”

“You know, you should play hard to get” you point out, your arms around her middle, placing a kiss against her temple. “Don’t forgive me so easily, I was planning on taking you out to a fancy place to earn it”

“Mmm, you’re right. I’m too forgiving” she jokes.

“Wait, you sent me the text before I left with Carol. So that wasn’t what you wanted to talk about” you suddenly remember.

Going back to face her, you lift Wanda’s chin with your hand, making her look at you. She seems suddenly nervous.

“I was thinking… you don’t have to answer right now. And also, with this new book, I might be too busy and the house will be a mess for a while and you don’t wanna be around for it, you want your own space… forget I even asked”

She’s rambling, so you craddle her face in your hands, making her stop with your lips on hers.

“You haven’t even asked anything” you nudge your nose against her, smiling lovingly at the way she melts against your touch.

“Move in with me. Us”

“What?”

Never in a million years would you have guessed this was coming.

“This is your home as much as it is ours. I want you here all the time, I want to make room for your stuff, look for my clothes in the closet and stumble upon your scrubs” Wanda says. “Either way, you spend more time here than at your own place. You could also save some rent money”

“You had me at this is your home, my love” you laugh, kissing her again. “And no worries, no wet towels in the bathroom, I promise”

“We have a deal” she smiles against your lips, heart beating faster at this new step you’re taking together.

—

You should have listened to that Kondo lady when she was all the rage. Your house is full of crap, and none of it brings joy. Only dust and boxes that get in the way of packing.

Good news, it’s gonna be an easy move. All you have are clothes, books, some records and pictures.

“Are you sure you wanna throw this stuff?” Wanda says, holding a couple of trophies from Science Fairs and other stuff.

“Yes, baby” you nod, handing over a box. “I don’t think that has any value to my career as a surgeon”

“I think they’re cute. You were a nerd”

“Yeah, that I was” you smile. You keep digging through old boxes, until you get to one you hadn’t seen in a long time.

“What is this?” Wanda kneels next to you. She sees the picture you’re holding. “Is that your dad? Oh my God, you look exactly like him”

“Yeah, two peas in a pod” you laugh, admiring your matching Halloween outfits. Ghostbusters, obviously. You flip through the album, grateful that you had the sense to take it with you after you left for college. You know your mother would have thrown it in the trash.

“Why isn’t this in a frame?” Wanda takes a lose photo of you two during Christmas.

“I guess I never got around to doing it” you shrug your shoulders. There’s a tin box, and you kinda wished you hadn’t opened it. A broken wrist watch is the only thing inside it. “He loved this watch. Was wearing it on the day of the accident” you mutter, suddenly feeling small.

Wanda let’s you sit in silence for a few minutes and then places her hand on your shoulder.

“We can take a break from all the packing, yes?”

“Yeah, ok” you nod, standing up. Wanda takes your hand and leads you back to her -and now your- place. There are already several boxes in the living room of your new home.

Home, that word fits so well with how you feel here.

The only other time where you felt like you belonged was in college, in the dorm you shared with Darcy and then at the hospital, which wasn’t strictly a home.

Without saying anything, Wanda pulls you to the couch, and you let her rest her head against your chest as you watch “Golden Girls”. She had you to thank for introducing her to a whole new obsession.

“Shouldn’t we go pick up the kids now?” you say after a while, looking at the hour.

“Sharon is driving them here”

“Now she’s your best friend”

“I’m sure she only offered to see you again and annoy me” Wanda chuckles, looking up at you. “Unfortunately for her, I don’t share”

“Mmhm” you smile against her lips, enjoying her possesiveness.

By the time Sharon drops off the kids, Wanda’s shown you how she really feels about sharing, making sure there’s a visible mark on your neck as you walk out of the house to greet Tommy and Billy.

“Hey, Y/N” Sharon says, playing with her sunglasses.

“H-hi, Sharon. How are you doing?”

“Oh, you know. Enjoying the cold days, wishing I had someone to warm me up”

“Yeah, it’s cold. Outside, and inside too if you don’t have any heating” you mumble, trying to end the conversation. “Stay hot. I mean, warm. And thanks for dropping off the kids”

“My pleasure”

Sprinting back home, you lock the door and lean against it, hoping you won’t have to talk to the woman in a very long time.

“I see that little mark on your collarbone wasn’t enough. Maybe I should leave more on your neck” Wanda taunts.

“Baby, I could tattoo your name across my forehead and that woman would still try to get in my pants” you sigh, hands resting on Wanda’s hips. “Are we telling the kids about me moving in?”

“Yeah, come on”

Billy and Tommy are in the backyard, throwing a ball that Sparky chases around. They both approach you as Wanda calls for them, and she kneels to be at eye level with them.

“Boys, we have news. Y/N is moving”

“What? Where? You’re not gonna have your house across the street?”

“Mama, we should all live together” Tommy says, pleading to his mother.

“Oh, my darling boys, Y/N is gonna move with us! We’ll all live here. What do you think about it?”

“Yaaay” they run towards you, talking as fast as they can.

“I’ll make room in my drawers for you!”

“You can take one of my shelves”

Each kid takes turns on ideas to make room for you, and you hug them closer.

“I’m sure we’ll find a place for all my stuff. Don’t worry about it, I’m just happy you want me to live here”

“We do” Billy says, and then he turns to his mother. “Can we please get pizza to celebrate, pleaaase?”

“Yes, can we?” you join, pouting.

Wanda rolls her eyes, laughing.

“I can’t believe I set myself up. Now it’s three children against one of me”

“You love us” you say, standing up and pulling her in for a kiss.

Wanda smiles against your lips.

“I do”

—

You’re buzzing with excitement to tell everyone the news, but you want Darcy to be the first to know.

While you sit in the cafeteria, the perfect oportunity presents itself.

“Ugh, one of your presents will arrive too late for me to wrap it up. I’ll send it but you have to promise you won’t open it”

“Yeah, yeah. Just send it home”

“No. I’ll send it to Wanda instead. She’ll keep it away from you”

“Same thing. Home for me, her. But I won’t open it” you smile as you take a bite of your sandwich, waiting for Darcy to understand what you mean.

“You? And her? Moving in together?” this is the first time that you see Darcy so excited over your relationship, and she hugs you. “You’re not gonna die alone”

“Oh, shut it”

“What are we celebrating?” Carol says, taking a seat next to you.

“Y/N and Wanda are moving in together” Darcy says, practically singing. “And now I have to rethink my second present”

“Why do you give her two Christmas presents?” Carol looks between you two and Darcy gasps.

“She saw you naked but didn’t tell her about your birthday?”

“Eh, what can I say? I have intimacy issues” you shrug your shoulders, laughing as Carol catches up with everything.

“Your birthday is on Christmas Eve”

“That’s correct” you nod. Eager to change the subject, you ask about the wedding. Lunch is cut short as they’re both paged and you walk back to the front desk, dropping off some paperwork about discharges and patient forms.

You’ve been talking for a bit with the nurses when you feel someone stand behind you.

A beautiful redhead with striking green eyes smiles at you, and it takes you a moment to notice you’re staring.

“Hi. How can we help you?” you say, pulling the charts close to your chest, pretending to be casual.

“I’m looking for an old friend”

“Sure thing, do you know his room number?”

“I know his name. Nick Fury” she says with a smirk and you laugh.

“Oh, the Chief. He should be in his office reviewing schedules right about now. Just go upstairs and turn rigt” you point behind her.

“Thank you, Doctor…” she leans forward to read the name on your badge. “Y/L/N”

You’re about to ask her name when you’re paged.

911.

“My pleasure. Enjoy your reunion with the Chief” you excuse yourself, going back to the ER.

As a group of people involved in a car crash arrive, everything that just happened becomes irrelevant.

You have no idea how crazy your day is about to get.

—

“Let me see if I understand” Fury says, the tips of his fingers aligning as Natasha looks from the other side of her desk, impassive.

She’s got a poker face that no one can break, not even someone as respected as Nicholas Fury.

“You want to teach us the new surgical method your mother invented"

Natasha nods.

“Why the sudden interest in sharing with us?”

“You’re a teaching hospital. Stark is on this quest to make everything accessible for everyone. It gives us good press, and will draw attention to your program”

“No ulterior motive?”

“The world is getting more complicated. The Starks and Romanoffs are the families with the greater research capabilities, I think it’s time to stop competing with each other and work together” Natasha says.

“Just like that?”

“Well…”

Natasha doesn’t get to complete her sentence, as Tony walks in the room without knocking.

“Chief” he says, a bit distressed. It takes him a minute to process the other presence in the room. “Romanoff?”

“Hey, Tony”

“What are you…? Ok, that’s for later. There was an avalanche in Silverton Mountain, several people are trapped and injured. They’re requesting aid”

“Let’s page Y/N and prepare the ER to receive them”

“Sorry for cutting your meeting short, I’m sure it wasn’t important” Tony winks at Natasha.

“I’ll be back later” she says. “Don’t be such a sore loser, Tony, not everyone can have a Nobel Prize”

“Your mother won that, not you” he says, trying to keep his cool.

“Well, let’s see if another Romanoff can beat you to it again” the woman says, smiling while Fury stands up.

“Children, not now. Call me tomorrow, Romanoff”

The two men leave his office, walking to the ER to find the head of Trauma.

“Is it a good idea to leave her alone there?”

“She’s not a spy, Stark”

“Her mother sent her for some nefarious purpose, I’m sure”

“That’s a talk for later. Y/L/N” Fury finally spots you.

“Chief, what’s up?”

“Avalanche in Silverton Mountain. I’m sending the chopper with you, Barton and another doctor of your choice”

“We’re only transporting critically injured patients, the rest will be taken by ambulance to local hospitals” Tony adds, while you walk back to prepare.

“Ok, I’m taking Bishop with me. Anything else I should know about?”

“Expect a long day” Tony pats your shoulder and you sigh.

Looking for the storage room, you find a three layered rescue suit, preparing for the cold and relentless weather of the mountains. Next are medical supplies, rope, thermic blankets, comms and avalanche probes.

Once you check everything’s set up, you change your sneakers for hiking boots and carry everything in a waterproof backpack. Just as you’re about to leave, Kate comes in. You show her the clothes she should change into, and what to put in her own backpack.

“I’ll meet you at the rooftop”

Wanda doesn’t pick up the phone when you call her, so you leave a voicemail explaining you won’t be reachable for a couple of hours.

As you walk to the elevator, you meet the mysterious woman again.

“Up or down?” you ask as you both reach for the button.

“Down. You?”

“All the way up”

“Going somewhere?” she teases.

“Just a helicopter ride. Care to join me?” you say, not knowing what makes you joke with a stranger.

“Perhaps next time. Take this one. I’ll wait for the other elevator” the woman says when the doors open. You nod your thanks and your eyes meet as you press the button. “I do hope we’ll see each other again, Y/N”

“I didn’t get your name”

“Natasha” the woman smiles, doors closing. The last thing you see is that cryptic smile as the elevator starts to go up.

The cold wind hits your face as soon as the doors open, Stark’s helicopter ready for the 15 minute flight to Silverton.

“Hey, Barton. Wilson?” you say, surprised. “Didn’t know you could fly these things”

“Hell, yeah. This is Redwing” he says, pointing at the helicopter.

“Stop calling it that” Stark grumbles.

Clint and you check for everything to be in its place and you nod as Kate joins you.

“I’m having everyone on standby, we’ll start preparing as soon as you call with more information on number of patients and status” Fury says. Then he turns to look at everyone else. “Stay safe and good luck”

The building becomes smaller as you fly away, and Barton chats with Sam for a bit about the weather and the rescue plan. You follow the conversation here and there, but instead look out the window and then to Kate, who seems to be deep in thought.

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah, just nervous” she admits and you nudge her knee with your hand.

“It’ll be fine, you’re gonna fly back with patients that need to be at Stark hospital. I’ll show you what to do”

“Ok”

As soon as you land on the area, a group of first responders run to greet you.

“Lee Jones” the team leader introduces himself. “There are six people still missing, we secured the area and will be starting a second round of search” he says, pointing at a nearby hill.

“Doctor Bishop, head to where the rescued people are to evaluate them” you say, and she walks back to an operations center with several stretchers. “Do we have a list of the people missing?”

“Here”

You take the paper, inspecting it. Two women, one children, four men. Your stomach drops as you get to the last name.

“Barton” you pull him to get his attention. He reads over your shoulder, alarmed as well.

“Is this accurate? Have you doble checked these people are not back in their hotel?” he says, knowing that information could get lost during rescue.

“Yes, sir”

“Crap” he says, looking at the hill.

The name at the bottom of the list is Pietro Maximoff.

“Come on, no time to waste” you say, sprinting. A couple of people follow you, and you have to remember the training you got.

The first 15 minutes are crucial. And now, the people who didn’t die instantly, will pass from asphyxia, hypothermia or critical injuries.

Except Pietro. He knows what to do to stay alive. You just gotta find him.

“We gotta let Wanda know” Clint shouts next to you, the cold wind hitting you straight in the face.

“There is nothing to tell her now”

“Y/N”

“Go back and call her if you want. I can’t waste time right now, Clint”

It looks like there’s a storm forming. If you’re lucky, you’ll get an hour of not so bad weather and then, it will be too risky for them to continue.

Not you, though. You’re not leaving until you find Pietro.

“Here!” two people shout at the same time. You turn to run where they are. One of the rescuers is digging through the snow, and a woman’s face is visible. You want to keep looking for Pietro, but you came here to help everyone.

“I’ll keep searching” Clint nods your way.

The second person they find is the woman’s child.

“Hypothermic, hard to say if they have other injuries. I’d recommend you take them back to Stark Hospital, call and ask for doctor Lewis and Rambeau. Wilson will fly them there” you instruct the rescuers.

“I found one, he’s dead” you hear through the radio and your heart drops. You race to where the rescuer is, praying that it’s not Pietro. “Male, approximately 50”

You take a minute, holding your side as the cold air makes it hard to breathe.

“Mark the spot so we can recover the body and alert his family” Lee instructs.

They keep using the avalanche probes, to no avail.

“You’re walking too far away and the wind is getting worse” Clint warns you, but you ignore him. Pietro has to be here.

“Come on, come on” you walk faster, the wind almost knocking you down.

“Y/L/N, come back” Clint says, this time through the radio so everyone can hear him. “Now”

You ignore him, looking around. Everything is white… except.

A spot of color. Bright yellow and green. Just like the gloves you gave Pietro.

“Pietro” you run towards it, heart beating out of your chest. There he is, you can see his face, and part of his hands, as he managed to dig through the snow to be able to breathe. “Clint, I found him”

Pietro’s vitals are weak, but he whines when you call his name. Everyone comes running to help you, digging him out.

“Can you hear me? Frosty, come on” you insist, inspecting every inch of his body. “He’s going back to Stark Hospital with us, now”

“As soon as Wilson comes back”

You nod, stabilizing his neck as the men carry him to the operation center. You hear through the comms that they found the last man, unfortunately deceased as well.

“It’s a miracle we found him alive” Clint comments.

You stay quiet, going over statistics and the list of injuries that could be life threatening and you won’t know about until you do imaging.

“I’m calling Laura, so Wanda’s not alone” Clint says. You should have brought your phone. He greets his wife, and a moment later his face falls. “Wanda’s there with you? Can you put her on the phone?”

Now it’s your turn to feel dread, taking the phone with shaky hands.

“Sweetheart” you say, feeling awful when you hear Wanda’s voice, knowing what you’re about to say will destroy her. “You might want to sit down”

—

“Male with helmet and airbag, was conscious during rescue and prior to boarding the helicopter. Heart rate weak, slow, irregular due to hypothermia; passive warming techniques started on the way to the hospital. No visible trauma, do a complete body scan” you say as soon as you land, Carol and Stark the first to greet you at the rooftop.

Wanda’s not here yet and you’re not ready to face her, especially since you have no idea on the extent of his internal injuries.

“Are you ok? You’re shivering” Darcy comments when you change into your scrubs, and all you can do is nod.

“Fine”

Thoracic spine fracture, comminuted knee fracture and intracranial hemorrhage. The room is silent as you look at the images, knowing it’s gonna be a long and challenging intervention.

“Wanda’s here” Kate says as soon as you take the elevator to the OR.

“Not now, Kate. Tell her we’ll keep her updated and then scrub in”

Carol gives you a curious glance, but keeps her comments to herself.

There’s silence in the OR as you work with Carol and Kate, while Stark and Parker deal with the hemorrhage.

“Doctor Y/L/N” Fury steps in.

“Not now”

“Miss Maximoff would like an update”

“I don’t have one for her” you let out an exasperated sigh when Fury insists, turning to look at Stark. “Do you have an update? How about you, Danvers? Alright then, when we know something other than his body is all kinds of fucked, we will give Miss Maximoff an update”

“You’re too close to this”

“No, I’m stabilizing his spine so he can teach his nephews how to ride a fucking bike and all you are is a distraction. Leave my OR, now”

You can feel Fury’s angry stare in the back of your head, but ignore it and keep working.

Stark is the first to break the silence, if only to ask for more suction.

“I’m done with the knee. If you want to update her” Carol says after a while.

“You heard her, Bishop”

“You should go. I’m sure Wanda will want to hear it from you”

“No” is all you say, voice shaking.

No, you can’t face Wanda now. You don’t know if Pietro is gonna make it and you won’t lie to her.

Beyond that, you can’t imagine what she’ll say to you if you can’t save him.

Why didn’t you find him faster? Why didn’t you help him?

This is your fault.

“BP’s dropping” the nurse alerts you.

“One minute” Tony says, eyes glued to his work.

“Stark, he’s crashing” you insist. He ignores you and you’re about to throw your scalpel and start CPR when Pietro’s vitals stabilize.

“You gotta let me work too” Tony says. “Peter, close here. Let’s see that spine now”

After three more hours of work, there’s nothing left to do but wait. While Pietro’s transferred to the ICU, you stay back, removing your facemask and surgical cap.

Carol stands next to you, without saying a word.

“If he doesn’t make it, Wanda’s never going to forgive me” you say, looking at the ground.

“You don’t believe that” Carol says.

“I don’t know. But I guess I’ll find out”

“It’s gonna be fine” she says, giving your arm a squeeze and you nod, leaving the scrub room.

Your hands shake as you press the elevator button that will take you to Wanda. The adrenaline is slowly leaving your body, but your muscles can’t relax, still waiting for an even bigger disaster to come.

Forcing yourself to step into the hallway, your eyes meet Wanda’s across the room. They are reddened by the tears, her hair a bit disheveled and all over the place.

Whatever you were about to say dies in your throat. She stands up, walking towards you, and you brace yourself for a myriad of insults and bitter words.

Instead, she throws herself in your arms, crying.

“You’re ok” she keeps saying. “I was so scared. I’m so sorry”

“It’s fine. I’m here” you hold her closer, kissing her head and shedding a couple of tears. “We did everything we could, Wanda, please believe me. Now we have to wait for him to recover. Please, please don’t hate me”

“You saved him. He’s alive because of you” she says, her arms still on your back. “I don’t know what I’d do without you”

“I’m here” you sigh against her temple. “It’s all going to be fine”

But you don’t know if that’s true.

—

Natasha answers the call as soon as she’s in her suite, knowing her mother only had a few minutes to chat.

“Hello, dear. How did it go?”

“It was cut short. An emergency” the redhead sighs, sitting in the bed and taking off her heels. “They used Tony’s helicopter and everything”

“The Stark boy, always wanting to be the center of attention” Melina tsks. “Did you get to see their ER?”

“Not yet. I did meet their Head of Trauma”

Natasha’s mind goes back to you. She was honestly surprised when she saw you waiting for the elevator in the rescue gear. You weren’t like any other of the Trauma surgeons she had met before.

“What did you think of them?”

“Very heroic. Jumped straight into the danger, no questions asked. And she yelled at Fury when he tried to keep her out of the OR”

Another pleasant surprise. It was hard to tell you had that fire in you, with those kind eyes and gentle smile.

“Do you want to hire her or date her?” Melina picks up on her daughter’s tone.

“Can’t I do both?”

“My darling girl, of course you can. When was the last time you didn’t get what you wanted?”

—

It’s cold and you can’t reach for whatever it is you’re looking for.

What were you trying to find in the middle of nowhere?

It’s dark, except for a circle around you, and there’s no way to tell up from down.

Except when you see something next to your feet, and you kneel down. As you pull from it, the snow moves and you can see Pietro’s face. You dig deeper, and then you see Wanda. Every time you remove snow, there’s another face, until you find your father, staring at you.

You try to reach for him, but the watch on your wrist reaches zero on its countdown, the beeping sound mocking you as you run out of time.

“Wait” you jump up, looking around.

On call room. You’re in the hospital. There’s solid ground beneath you, not layers and layers of snow.

The sound comes from your pager.

911.

Everything feels like an emergency these days. You’ve lost track of time, alternating between your shifts and the ICU, where Pietro is still recovering.

It’s been four days and he hasn’t woken up yet.

“What do we have?” you ask Kate, who begins to give you the overview.

It’s not something that requires surgery, which makes you sigh with relief. This is the end of your shift and you need to eat something before heading back to the ICU.

“When was the last time you left the hospital?” Darcy says and you shrug your shoulders, eating your sandwich and feeling ill the second you swallow.

You have to force yourself to eat lately.

“I don’t know”

“The day of the accident. Five days ago. You can’t keep going like this” your friend says, but you avoid her stare.

“Wanda is not allowed in the ICU and Pietro shouldn’t be alone in there”

“Pietro is unconscious. Wanda is the one that’s at home, alone and scared. I think her brother would appreciate you keeping her company” Darcy reasons with you.

You rub your temples, trying to not throw up.

Truth is, you’re scared that the other shoe will drop. That things between you and Wanda could turn sour if her brother doesn’t show any signs of improvement.

“You are carrying an immense responsibility and burden, that it’s not yours. Nor anyone’s. It was an accident. It’s life” your friend insists, knowing very well the meaning behind your silence.

You keep looking down, chin resting on your hand as a couple of tears run down your cheeks.

Darcy’s expression softens at that.

“I’ll stay with Pietro for a bit. Wanda is in the foyer, ready to take you home. Please, go with her”

You try to say something, but the words get stuck in your throat. It’s been like this for days. When it comes to work, you function even better than usual, accostumed to chaos and uncertainty. The minute the conversation pivots, your throat closes, making it hard to utter a single word.

In the end, you nod, throwing away your barely touched food to go meet your girlfriend.

Guilt overwhelms you as you notice the bags under Wanda’s eyes. It’s impossible to be everywhere and be everything to all the people that matter to you, but you still feel like a failure.

“He…” you prepare the update, but Wanda kisses you, stopping the words from leaving your mouth.

“I’m here to take care of you. I already know everything there is to know. Let’s go home”

Taking a breath, you nod and walk behind her towards the exit. The light hurts your eyes, and you have to look down, frowning. Wanda’s hand is on yours, leading you to the car.

The ride home is silent. There are still some boxes in the living room, pushed to the wall to make room for walking. It gives an eerie vibe, another reminder that your entire world stopped almost a week ago.

“Are you hungry?”

“Just tired” you say in a low voice. “I smell like hospital”

Wanda nods, closing the door and walking you upstairs. All you’ve done for the past days is take quick showers, with cheap shampoo that is in the hospital and leaves your hair dry.

For the first time, you don’t have to hurry and jump into a spray of cold water, rinsing as fast as you can. The warm temperature  and pressure on your muscles feels like a luxury.

“Feels good?” Wanda whispers against your ear and you nod. She places a kiss on your shoulder’s scar. You step back, trying to chase after her touch, and she laughs.

That sound is enough to make you feel ten times lighter.

As you step out of the shower, you admire the way Wanda places a towel around her, and without thinking you meet her in a slow and tender kiss.

“Missed you” you say against her lips.

“I missed you too, sweetheart”

There’s no rush as you change into comfortable clothes, and rest your head on Wanda’s lap while she reads a draft for Laura to review.

“How’s the book coming along?”

“Good, very fast thanks to your help”

“So, do I get credited on the cover or something?” you joke, looking up.

“I can pay you in other ways for your very valuable contribution”

“I’ll hold you to that” you joke, feeling sleepy as Wanda runs her hand through your hair. 

The next time you open your eyes, it’s past noon. You turn in bed, Wanda looking at you.

“Were you watching me sleep?”

“No” she answers way too fast. “Maybe. I… you looked upset. Like you were having a nightmare. I just wanted to make sure you were ok, that’s all”

“I’m ok” you promise, pulling her so she’s resting against your chest. “How are Billy and Tommy?”

“Quiet. I know they’re worried and they’ve been missing you too”

“We could go out to the movies today” you suggest.

“Actually, they have a surprise for you” she looks up and you smile.

“Oh?”

“Yeah. And I promised them you are wearing an ugly Christmas sweater”

“Is that so?” you turn her in your arms, tickling her sides. “I don’t have any”

“I got you one” Wanda says between giggles and you pull her closer as she tries to get away from you. “Stop, please”

“Not until you show me that ugly sweater”

“Nu-uh, you’ll find a way to get rid of it”

“Then, you shall pay the consequences” you declare, laughing as she distracts you with a kiss.

—

“Is this absolutely necessary?” you say, walking towards the school auditorium. The sweater is not exactly ugly, it only has some paper figures hanging along the arms, which makes it uncomfortable to move around.

The biggest issue is that Wanda and everyone else is wearing normal clothes, which earns you a couple of funny looks.

“Babe, let me get changed, I have some scrubs in the car” you turn around, but Wanda catches you and pulls you back.

“I promise you, I’ll make it worth it” she says in a low voice against your ear. The little kiss Wanda gives behind your ear seals the deal.

“Are you gonna wear something slutty?” you whisper against her temple and she laughs.

“You’ll have to find out, detka”

“Detka?” you repeat, your pronunciation awful. “What does that mean?”

“I’ll tell you later. It’s part of your Christmas present” your girlfriend says, biting her lip.

She’s such a tease.

“Show’s starting, come on”

“Show?” you say, following her all the way to the front row. The lights go out but to your horror, your sweater glows in the dark. You struggle to take it off, but Wanda takes you by the wrists, laughing while you look around, embarrassed.

The first number is of really small children, who try to follow their teacher as they sing and dance, but looking adorably confused is enough to have all the parents clapping and cheering. After two or three more songs, you finally know why you’re there. Billy and Tommy are in the front of their class, singing Holly Jolly Christmas.

“Those are our boys!” you shout excitedly, looking around so everyone knows they’re your kids.

“Baby, I think they got it” Wanda smiles lovingly as you take out your phone and record, zooming in on the twins.

Once the song ends, you give them a standing ovation, and the only thing most people can see is a floating figure that glows in the dark.

The show goes on for another forty minutes, but you’re the first to go find the kids backstage. As soon as they see you, they jump into your arms.

“You were amazing! Next stop, Broadway!”

“Did you like the sweater we picked out for you?”

“Yes, it’s so original!” you say, hearing Wanda laugh behind you. “Come on, let’s get some pizza. Or burgers and milkshakes, whatever you want”

“Can we go to Burger Galaxy?" Billy says and you nod.

"Sure, let me check if it's open" you say, pulling out your phone. You frown at the missed calls from Darcy. She's still at the hospital and there's only one reason why she'd call. "Give me a second"

Walking away, you dial her number.

"He's awake"

"How is he...?"

"Just come to the hospital" she insists. Wanda is talking to the boys as you return, her face dropping when you lock eyes.

"We need to go to the hospital"

You take the keys from her shaking hands, smiling as she tries to control her breathing. The ride feels like an eternity, but it's only ten minutes. You're about to head to the ICU, when Darcy sees you.

"Over here"

"How is he...?" you catch up, aware that Wanda and the kids are right behind you.

"Awake and annoying. A bit confused as well, but all things considered, he'll be fine. Congrats, pal. You worked a Christmas miracle"

You stand by the door as Wanda walks past you, speaking in Sokovian and holding her brother's face between her hands. Tommy and Billy stand next to his bed, waiting for a chance to greet their uncle. Between all the fuss, Pietro looks at you, mouthing a thank you.

You can't help the tears from clouding your vision. After taking a breath to calm yourself, you wipe the corner of your eyes and smile at him.

"Welcome back, Frosty"

[wonderjanga]

Sweet Dreams

Billy likes sleeping. Just as any normal human child would. Unfortunately though, he’s not a normal human child. He juggles two jobs, Whiz Kid and the JL. Technically three if he counts patrol and actually being a hero in Fawcett as separate from the JL. Point is, he does a lot of stuff and sleeping is a wonderful to refresh himself. So, one day, he tried to get sleep as Marvel to make up for that lost time.

Then, the dream started.

Marvel: “Zeus? What are you wearing?”

Zeus: “Huh?” * looks down at his clothes* “The heck… Billy this is your dream. Why did you make me appear like this?”

Marvel: “Maybe because I didn’t expect to see you?”

Zeus: “Why wouldn’t you- Oh wait. You’ve never slept in your Champion form have you?”

Marvel: “No?”

Zeus: “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Come.” *gestures for him to follow and starts to walk off*

Marvel: *follows*

Zeus: “See, Batson, whenever Champions fall asleep, that can allow their patron gods to invade their dreams. That’s actually with me and the others are doing right now!”

Marvel: “Oh uh… cool?”

They played some cards, and yelled at each other about how people were cheating. Solomon won nearly every game. Except Uno which Mercury somehow won. There was a lot more suspicion of cheating when that happened. They then just sat in a circle like preteens at a slumber party and started gossiping about the other gods and goddesses from both Greek and other mythology. All in all, it was basically a sleepover, and if Billy was being honest, he didn’t hate it. Though, what he did hate was the fact that when he woke up he felt even more tired then before he went to sleep.

He noticed this was a pattern after a couple more times of him trying to make up for lost sleep as Marvel. As a result, Billy started kicking himself out of the dreams so he could actually sleep. The gods didn’t like this because Billy was apparently a chill little guy to hang out with. He of course, still said no, but you see, the Gods can be really, really… annoying when you say no to them.

Marvel: *sitting on a roof in Fawcett*

Zeus: “JOIN US!”

Marvel: “No.”

Achilles: “Please, Batson?”

Marvel: “No.”

Solomon: “Billy, please don’t leave me alone with them.”

Marvel: “Sorry, Solly. Still no.”

Solomon: “Again with that nickname…” *honestly doesn’t know whether he likes or hates it*

Zeus: “Wait, why is Solomon the only one who gets an apology?”

Marvel: “He’s the only one I feel bad for.”

Zeus: “WHA-”

This made Zeus mad so he pettily took away Billy’s ability to use lightning as Marvel. The Batson boy went a week before he caved and hung out with them in his dreams again.

Zeus: “You’re here!”

Marvel: *frowniest frown on his face*

He was then sequestered away by Zeus to watch Achilles and Hercules have a hot dog eating contest.

Mercury: “Who do you think is gonna win, Bill? We can have a bet!”

Marvel: “I don’t have any money to bet.”

Atlas: “Yes, Hermes. You forget he’s a… how do humans nowadays say it? Ah right. A brokie.”

Marvel: “Atlas, you just fell so hard down my favorites list your below Zeus now.”

Atlas: *extremely offended* “BELOW ZEUS?!”

Zeus: “HA!” *literally points and laughs*

The Next Day…

Wondy: “Brother, is something wrong? I’ve never seen you drink coffee before.”

Marvel: “I spent my night watching Achilles and Hercules shove hotdogs down their throats to see who could out-eat the other. Meanwhile, Atlas and Zeus were fist-fighting in one corner while Mercury kept trying to coerce me into making a bet with him, even though I had literally no money to make said bet.”

Wondy: “Oh.”

Marvel: “Yeah. Oh.” *sips his coffee* “Anyways, how was your night?”

[moosesarecute]

December 17th

December Masterlist

Masterlist

Her day had gone to exploring her home. She had been all over trying to find something that might restart her memory, but she couldn’t.

The toys she played with as a child, the kitchen she and her mother baked in and the library where she spent most of her time. None of them gave her any clues of her life before.

It gave Annette an uneasy feeling.

She felt alone and scared. The people who called themselves her family were nice enough, but she couldn’t trust them completely yet.

She and Cathrine, her mother, had been talking the entire day. She had been stroking Annette’s hair and told them about their life. She spoke about how Annette was adopted. That while it was usual for fae to struggle getting children, Cathrine and Bru just couldn’t live without a child.

When she was first born and sent to an orphanage, it didn’t take long before they found her and knew she was the one. Cathrine cried talking about it.

Her mother at least cared about her, Annette concluded with. Nothing to be worried about with her. The rest of her family had kept a bigger distance. Cathrine said it was to not overwhelm her.

When night arrived, Cathrine tucked Annette into bed. She told her to make sure she stayed worm and gave her some of her medicine. It tasted just as bad as before, but she got it down.

However, when Cathrine left, Annette didn’t feel like sleeping.

She quietly stood up from the bed and started to explore her room a little more. She looked at the books and toys and yarn, but she felt no connection to it. She found more of her stuff in boxes stored under her bed. She went through each and every one-off them, but didn’t find anything particularly interesting until the last box.

It had a backpack in it. It looked well made and sturdy. But it also looked like it had been used a lot. Maybe this was the backpack she used when she last was out on her adventures? She knew it was hers. She didn’t know why, but she just knew it.

She opened the backpack and found many bottles of red liquid and a pile of paper. She picked of the papers first. One piece of paper was folded around the others. She read it first:

Winterberry juice for memory loss. Drink as much as you can every day.

And some reading for the journey. Hope you find what you need in these letters.

Good luck,

Nick

Annette decided to drink the juice. It tasted amazing. Both sweet and tangy from the berry. She drank some of it and then picked up the rest of the pile of papers. She picked up the first one. It was covered in tearstains, but other than that it was beautiful. The handwriting was precise and carefully done. Annette started reading.

My dearest Y/N,

It’s been over three years. This is the third December without you, and it haven’t become easier.

Rhys and Cass are forcing me to go to therapy. My therapist, Jonathan, suggested I write you letters, so that’s what I’m doing.

You have missed so much, my light. Both Rhys and Cass have found their mates. Their names are Feyre and Nesta. They are sisters and used to be human, but that’s a story too long for letters. I promise I’ll explain all to you when if you come back to me. Feyre was the girl that saved all of Prythian from Amarantha. Rhys made her his High Lady and they even have a son, Nyx. And Nesta and some of her friends have become Valkyries. She and Cassian are always at each other’s throats, but they love each other. You would have loved them too, I’m sure of it.

Mor and Amren have also found their loves. Which means I’m constantly surrounded by couples.

I’m happy for them, I truly am, but I can’t help but feel like it’s a little unfair. Why do we have to be apart?

I miss you, my love. I honestly feel lost in this world without you. I’ve been counting days since you disappeared, and each day feels heavier on my heart.

The shadows also miss you. They have never been as poorly behaved as now. Some days I wake up from them screaming to get you back, other days they refuse to listen or talk to me.

All our memories together are what keeps me going, but I’m not sure how much longer I’ll last in this life without you. I need your soft smiles and warm embrace to get me through this. I know I won’t, but deep down I still have hope that I’ll be able to hold you once again. Hold you, and never let go.

I love you, Y/N. I have loved you all my life and I will keep loving you till the day my soul no longer exists.

x Your Shadow

The first thing Annette noticed was that she really wanted to know what happened to Y/N and who her shadow was. The second thing was that she felt sort of connected to the names. Rhys, Cassian, Mor and Amren felt like names she knew. Feyre and Nesta, she didn’t feel connected to, but from the way they were written about in the letters, she knew that they were kind.

Annette wasted no time picking up the next letter It was also covered in tearstains. It seemed like most of them were.

My dearest Y/N,

Jo asked me today to write about what our life would be like.

And even though I did like he asked, it only brought out painful emotions. I hate having to imagine this. I want it to be true. To be our real life.

I wanted us to buy a house. A house where we can make our own home. So that we can choose everything ourselves.

I wanted us to have a family. We never spoke about kids. Both of us knew that a war was coming and that we would need to go through a lifetime of terror before we could bring babes into this world.

I want us to fly together. Fly to work, fly to family dinner, fly as exercise, fly as fun. Flying have always been when I’ve felt the freest and I know you feel similar, but without you beside me, it feels wrong. So wrong. I have multiple times thrown up from flying without you.

I want us to be happy.

I want us to fight, and argue, and laugh, and cry, and smile. I want it all.

Please come back to me.

x Your Shadow

My dearest Y/N

I think therapy is helping a little.

I thought about you yesterday without crying. Do you remember our first dance? Not our first as a couple, but our first one ever?

Sneaking around in the woods behind Windhaven and dancing to the song from the shadows swirling around us. Our feet making the snow crunch beneath us.

If only the bond had snapped earlier or if I was just a little braver. I would have danced with you every moment I could. You deserve to be danced with you too. I’m glad we’re not longer in Windhaven. You deserved so much better than that camp.

You’re my princess. You should dance around in the ballgowns you make, but no, you always sold away the most beautiful ones.

I still dream about the blue gown you wore on your first Starfall as a couple. I wish I could see you in it again some time.

x Your Shadow

My dearest Y/N

I think the time has come. I’ve finally gone crazy. I felt you. I’m sure I did. But I couldn’t get to you. Please tell me where you are so that I can get you home. Please tell me.

Are you out there?

x Your Shadow

My dearest Y/N

Family dinner is hard without you. I always imagine you sitting besides me and it gets a little better.

Cassian spilled soup all over the floor yesterday. That’s nothing unusual, but it was all over a new carpet Feyre just bought. Feyre was about to become very angry when Nyx started laughing louder than ever before. Cassian is now Nyx’s favourite person.

I’m convinced that if Nyx knew you, you would outrank Cassian very quickly. I don’t know how much he knows about his auntie Y/N, but I know you would be the best aunt he could ever wish for. I’ll start telling him more about you when I can talk about you without crying.

x Your Shadow

My dearest Y/N

The shadows miss you too. They’ve been trying to braid my hair lately. It’s like they miss helping you with yours. I don’t think they understand that you’re gone forever. It’s like they’re in denial. It’s not that different from what I’m doing, but still, they shouldn’t have these complex feelings. I wish I would tell them that you’ll be back soon.

Sometimes the only thing they do is to scream in my head. I think they believe too that you’re out there, but I just can’t get my hopes up. Please give me or the shadows a sign and we’ll be there. I promise.

x Your Shadow

Annette was crying now. The letters were so full of grief she just wanted to hug this Shadow and tell him that everything would be alright.

She drank a little more of the winterberry juice. As she gulped it down, she felt her head grow lighter.

My dearest Y/N

It’s snowing. A lot. It’s like the sky is falling down in white. I can almost image you running around with your snow-zoomies. It’s like my entire body just expects you to sneak up behind me and dump way too much snow on me. The shadows have tried to do it, but it just isn’t the same.

Nyx spoke about the Winter Lights today. He told us that a friend from his kindergarten had painted them. I left the room before anyone continued speaking. I haven’t seen the lights since you left. It used to be such a good memory, but now it only brings pain. Our first kiss, my love. Under the Winter Lights after everyone else had gone inside. You always insisted to watch them until they had danced finished.

Maybe I’ll try to do that this year. I’ll do my best.

x Your Shadow

Imagine having your first kiss together under the Winter Lights. Annette’s heart melted at the thought. It felt right. She would love to experience that.

Annette picked up the last letter. It was filled with even more tearstains than the others. She drank the rest of the winterberry juice before she started to read.  

My dearest Y/N,

I have understood now that I must let you go.

Madja and Jonathan believe you might me out there, but I won’t survive if I get my hopes up now only for them to be crushed once more. I want to, but I just can’t. It’s too much.

My sweet, beautiful, amazing, wonderful, thoughtful mate. I love you so much and it hurts so much to have to do this, but it’s what you would have wanted.

I’m going to try to make this a good Winter Solstice. I’m going to keep our traditions alive. I’m going to make a snowfae, I’m going to have the snowball fight and I’m going to make cookies and hot chocolate to stay on the counter every second of every day. I’m going to try my absolute best to be happy. Even if you aren’t here to see it.

I don’t think I can go to see Jonathan any longer. Even though therapy has helped, I think Jonathan is wrong for me. I’ll se if I can find anyone else after Winter Solstice, but right now I need a break.

I’m also going to take a break from these letters. I might start with them again soon, but for right now, I need to put you behind me. I hope this is the best decision, but I have no idea what I’m doing.

My dearest Y/N. I will forever long for the life he had planned. I will forever sit with the feeling that half of my heart is yet to come home.

x Azriel, I’ll always be your shadow

It was his name that did it. His beautiful and kind name. The name you had grown that fond of throughout your life.

It was the name that made you smile, cry and feel safe all at once. It was a name that brought you so many emotions that you didn’t know how to act.

It was the name of your person.

Because you knew now that you aren’t Annette, 254 years old from the continent.

You are Y/N, 540 years old from Windhaven, and last but definitely not least. You are Y/N the proud mate of Azriel Shadowsinger.

Taglist: @prettylittlewrites @hailqueenconquer @onebadassunicorn @mich0731 @tele86 @mellowmusings @anarchiii @anainkandpaper @donnadiddadog @atomictyphoonkitten @annablack @graciepies @salvatoresister1 @nastylicious @plants-w0rld @stqrgirlies-blog @scoliobean

Let me know if you want to be added!

Dividers by: @issysh3ll

[jjscrybaby]

hi! can you one with rafe where his girl as asthma — maybe she’s had shortness of breath throughout the day and he can tell she’s not doing ok. or like at night, he wakes up without her and she’s needing steam from the faucet or shower to help her with her attack?

just an idea! i just love when he takes care of his girl xx

rafe cameron x fem!reader | hurt & comfort | (asthma attack, cutie pie rafe, rafe being an amazing bf.)

thankyou for the req angel, hope you enjoy this! i don’t have asthma, so i did as much research as i could for this to be accurate so if it isn’t i very much apologise!

︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶ ୨♡୧ ︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶

Rafe’s eyes blinked open, a soft groan leaving his mouth as he looked over to the window. It was still dark out, he definitely didn’t need to be awake yet. He closed his eyes again, turning over to throw his arm around your waist; his hand landed on an empty bed.

He opened his eyes in confusion, sitting up tiredly to look around the room. It was empty, no one there but him, but the bedroom door was ajar. He groaned again, forcing himself to his feet to go and find you.

The sound of the shower running caught his attention, he quickened his pace as he opened the door to the guest bathroom and stepped inside. You were sat against the bathtub, still clothed, taking sharp, croaky breaths. Steam filled the room, and he instantly knew what was going on.

“Hey, baby,” he cooed, kneeling down beside you. You let out another breath, it sounded painful. “Why haven’t you used your inhaler?”

“Can’t find it,” you croak out, he has to fight the urge to tell you off.

“Okay, baby. I know where the spare is, wait here one second, okay?” He murmured, running a hand through your hair as he stood back up and left the room.

He kept two spares, one in his bedside table and the other in his truck for when the two of you were out. He rushed to the bedroom and pulled open the drawer, grabbing it before making his way back to you. You’re now holding your chest, letting out wheezes and dry coughs.

“C’mere, sweetheart,” he urged as he shook the inhaler and then pushed it past your lips. He pressed down on it and you inhaled the medicine slowly. “Good girl,” he praised softly as you breathed it in.

Your breathing slowly went back to normal, your chest loosening and your head starting to feel less dizzy. You leant against his chest, his hand rubbing up and down your back. You’d felt off all day, breathing had been difficult but not difficult enough for you to mention anything to Rafe.

“Why didn’t you wake me, huh?” He asked, reaching over you to switch the shower off. “Hate the thought of you strugglin’ in here by yourself.”

You looked down at your hands, nibbling on your bottom lip. “Didn’t want you to be mad that I lost my inhaler.”

“Silly girl,” he murmured, kissing your temple. He stood up and helped you to your feet, arm wrapping around your waist to lead you back to bed. “We’re gonna get a designated spot, yeah? You need that shit, y’know that.”

“I know,” you pouted, leaning your body weight on him.

He hummed, laying you down in bed before crawling in beside you. His arm wrapped tightly around your waist, tugging you backwards so you were fully in his arms.

“Next time, you tell me. What kinda boyfriend am I if you’re doin’ this shit alone?” He reprimanded, leaving open kisses to your cheek to soften the blow of his telling off.

“Promise,” you nodded, holding onto his hand that was wrapped around you.

“Get some sleep, baby. Know you must be tired out,” he urged.

He stayed awake until he was sure you were asleep, and he made a mental note to come up with a plan so you’d stop losing your damn inhaler. He just couldn’t bring himself to properly tell you off, not when it means he gets to take care of you.

︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶ ୨♡୧ ︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶

bonus i came up with when finding the header pics (i don’t want to talk about how long it took me to make, someone lmk what app they use for fake messages pls)

[dood-itsradical]

Yo I'm tryna sleep. Brain being stubborn. This Goo drabble idea just can't fucking wait till tmrw huh 💀 + reader is Crystal's older sister.

Logically as the oldest you were expected to take over your father's business in the future or something. Fortunately for you the signs of those days coming never happened. Like Crystal, you aren't blinded by Charles' evil deeds. You know the whole drill. While Crystal stay with dad, you decided to stay with mom. Fair and square.

You never fully engage nor give two craps about his plan for world domination. You avoided it even. And as time goes you slowly lost contact with them and focus on your study and career. So when Crystal turned eighteen you finally decided to pay her a visit back to Korea.

"Who the girl?" Goo asked Gun one time. Noticing how invested you and your sister are engaging in a conversation.

How Goo's eyes nearly came out the moment the word "Crystal's sister" was spit out from Gun's mouth was crazy.

After the short discovery he didn't wait another second to confront you alone as he immediately introduced himself.

"So...sister huh? Never know old man Choi hid another daughter elsewhere. I can totally see why." He pulled a toothy grinned.

Instead of mimicking your sister's sass, you were born differently. "Yah, you're so cute!" You pinched his cheek. "You work for my father? You can definitely do better."

It was a baffling sight. You matched his energy. It makes him giddy for some reason.

"You can work for me." You smile widely, batting your eyelashes. If it weren't for Gun smacking his monkey head, Goo wouldn't even hesitate. So that didn't work. But luckily your father hasn't yet considered you disowned, that give just enough opportunity for Goo to stick around as your official bodyguard during your temporary stay.

And boy was he happy. He had no problem whatsoever carrying your shopping bags and do other small task. A literal epitome of a golden retriever. Scratch that. A lapdog. He literally can't get enough of the attention and praise he's receiving. He craves them like he needs air.

"You're so talented, oppa. What else you can't do?" You beamed, ruffling his hair. He always quick to bend to your level to allow you to do that. His imaginary tail wagged uncontrollably. They just keeps coming.

"You're so strong, oppa!"

"Oppa, you look handsome today!"

"Oppa, let's go out together."

"Oppa, help me!"

And he. Eats it. Like a. Fucking Champ. His nose holes turned huge everytime he inhaled and devoured your compliments. And like a whipped man he is, they feed his ego. Greatly.

"Ohoho, but of course. Oppa work out a lot you know?"

"Really? Aigoo, you're too nice but don't stop."

"Where you wanna go? Oppa will take you."

"Hang in there, oppa is on his way!"

Masterlist

[reneesghostinthelivingroom]

Classic You

|| Parallel Powder x fem!reader

|| Warnings; season two episode seven spoilers, reader has a nightmare, nightmare comfort, Powder comforting reader, mentions of death but only from the dream, short drabble

|| Summary; when reader wakes up screaming, Powder helps her out.

Requests closed!

Started; December 16th

Finished; December 16th

HurtCember2024; Day 13, Nightmare

~~~

Powder wasn't even sure what was happening or how it happened. One moment, she's peacefully asleep next to you. The next, your scream cuts through the air. Startling her awake. Sitting bolt up right in panic.

"Huh-? Wha-? Babe?" Her eyes go to you, softening a bit when she sees your panicked state. Worry laced over her eyes. Powder's hand rests to your shoulder, gently guiding you against her," hey, hey shh. You're okay. Only a nightmare."

"You were- you were-" the words couldn't even get out of your mouth. The image replaying in your head. Powder had died in your nightmare and you'd been powerless to stop it. Tears rolled down your cheeks, shoulders shaking through your sobs. Your face buried into Powder's neck.

"I've got you, I'm right here. See? Feel my hand?" Powder spoke slowly, softly. Trying to ease you back to the present. Her hand giving your upper arm a firm squeeze. Powder watched your chest begin to settle back into its usual rhythm. Steady, gentle, calm.

"There you go.. that's it," she murmured. Encouraging you to continue what you were doing . You could only nod, throat feeling tight. Clinging to your girlfriend like your life depended on it. You were scared that if you let go, you'd loose her. Even if that was a completely silly thought. Powder would never do that to you. Once you fully calmed down, her hand cupped your cheek. Looking into your eyes. Those gorgeous, captivating eyes that Powder could just get lost in for hours. She has before, too," better?"

"Yeah.. yeah, a little," you replied. She relaxed at that, Powder's thumb brushing against your skin as she just held you. Held you close and tight. Assuring herself that you were okay. When she'd first heard your scream, Powder's mind went to all the worst cases possible. But, it had only been a nightmare that got you like that. You weren't physically hurt.

"Wanna talk about it?" Powder asked, giving your forehead a gentle kiss before you buried your face back into her. Her hand resting on the back of your neck. Giving a small, comforting squeeze. Her arms never leaving from around you.

You told her everything that happened in your dream. From what led to her death down to the actual death. Going over everything, trying not to let your emotions get the best of you. Talking about it made you want to cry again. You weren't going to. You refused to; Powder had already had to help you once. In your mind, it wasn't fair to make her do it again. You'd already interrupted her sleep as it was-

Her sleep. You paused mid ramble and looked up to her, frowning a bit," I'm sorry.."

Powder looked a little startled, confused even. Why were you apologizing to her? You hadn't done anything wrong," why are you apologizing?" She asked.

"I woke you- and you have that project to work on tomorrow for the competition," you sighed. Slumping against her.

Powder relaxed, holding you close. Scoffing a bit," that's what's got you all worried? You had a nightmare and you're more focused on me? Classic you," she murmured. Giving you a brief kiss," I'll be okay. Besides, I wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway without making 100% sure you were okay first. Because what kind of girlfriend would I be?"

You were smiling now. Her words always had a way of doing that. Like she just knew what to say to make everything go away. It wasn't long before the two of you were back asleep.

[spidermans-l-o-v-e-r]

Violent Night, 2022

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader

Words: 2.7k

Notes: I’m doing great rn😌😌😌 so fine so peachy so wonderful

You’re not surprised when Steve opens the door and he’s looking confused and disheveled like he’d just woken up from a nap. 

“Hey baby, I thought you were coming for the party tomorrow” He mumbles as he steps aside and lets you in. The house is silent as he takes your coat and hangs it up in the hall closet, you slip off your boots and go right into the bunny slipper he holds out for you. He smirks as he takes in your outfit, you’re wearing one of his old t-shirts and a pair of pajama pants, which as he looks closer he realizes is also his.

“It’s Christmas Eve,” You tell him like it perfectly explains everything and he follows after you as you walk through the house with your overnight bag.

“Okay… yeah?” 

The house is beautifully decorated, of course, his mom did it up before they went to the Bahamas, she’s even got three stockings hanging like they’d be there. 

But they’re not, they never are. 

“You have like an insane amount of things to do tomorrow and I just figured-“You shake the bag and he takes it from you now.

“Maybe I’d sleep over and we could get an early start together!” 

He smiles at you, cupping your face and pulling you closer to kiss your forehead.

“You don’t have to do that sweet girl, you should be with your family on Christmas Eve, opening presents with them tomorrow morning before coming here” 

“I am with my family Steve” You smile as you tilt your head up for kisses “Besides my mom wants me to bring you home, she said she wants her favorite son with her on Christmas. If you don’t wanna come I’m all set to sleepover” 

He kisses you softly, running his hand down your shoulder and interlocking your fingers. 

“Don’t you literally have a brother?” 

“Yup! So, why don’t you get packing? And we can leave in a couple hours after setting some stuff up for tomorrow?” 

Steve can feel the lump in his throat as he chuckles and nuzzles his nose against yours. He knew the moment he’d met you, you were the one. He can only hope you agree and don’t find the Christmas present he’s hiding in his closet. 

It’s a little cheesy the way he feels with his stuff packed in the bag with yours like you’re the ones going on vacation together. He’d thrown some stuff for overnight in it and called it a day and came down to help you start setting up. 

He’s not really sure when it happened but he’s not surprised it has. You’d lost your pants along the way, pouting that they were too long for you. 

“I mean, they’re not too long for me,” He says as he hands you the star for the top of the tree. The party was mainly going to be in the basement so he’d set up another little tree downstairs. It doesn’t look nearly as neat and perfect as his mother’s and somehow that makes it even better. There’s room for everyone to put an ornament on when they come in, Steve holds your waist as you put the one up he’d gotten you last year, it’s a mini Polaroid frame of your first Ferris wheel ride. Eddie had gone to incredibly dangerous lengths to get that photo and you still remember the way Hopper lost his shit on all three of you as you tried not to giggle.

“Can’t wait to go to the fair with you again” He kisses the tip of your ear, and you smile. 

“Mhm, and I can watch you win a bunch of prizes for me” You turn in his arms, wrapping your arms around his neck and he pecks your lips. 

“You remember, like two? Years ago… when you decided to do the dunk tank?” 

You groan into his chest as he snickers and pulls you into him closer “Oh my god and my top fell off!!” 

“Literally there has never been more donations in the freaking history of the dunk tank” 

You smack your head into his chest and he laughs, his head tilting back. 

“I’m like ninety percent sure half of that came from Ed-“ 

You squeak as the power goes out and he holds you close to him. 

“Hey, don’t worry I got you” He takes tiny steps with you over to the desk in the corner of the room and roots around in its drawers for a moment. You stay stuck to him and he doesn’t let go, he knows how much you hate the dark. 

He turns on the flashlight and hands it to you before grabbing a second one. 

“You cool if I go check the fuse box?” 

“Where is it?” 

He goes through the desk again and grabs a couple walkie-talkies, he turns it on and to the right channel before handing it to you. 

“In the other room, but I’ll be with you the entire time, alright pretty girl? Can you be a big girl for me?” He cups your face and you lean into him, gulping a little but nodding 

“Yeah… yeah I can be” 

“Alright… you know how to use this, yes?” He taps the device and you roll your eyes playfully 

“Oh trust me, yes.” 

“I’m sorry what? Over” Steve holds the walkie to his mouth and you giggle, clicking the button 

“I know what I’m freaking doing. Over” 

You keep the flashlight on him as long as you can until he disappears into the next room, you’re starting to get nervous when the walkie-talkie scratches. 

“Y/N? You there? Over” 

“Hi Stevie, over” You sigh into it and you can hear the smile in his voice 

“Awww, is my big girl scared of the dark? Over” 

“You shut your fat trap. Over” 

“I think it’s cute, all cuddled up with your teddy bear, little flashlight in your hand…bet you’d look even cuter with me pumping my-“

You hear a scream and a door slam and suddenly the radio cuts off, you jolt up from the couch clutching your teddy bear and holding onto the flashlight tighter. 

“Steve?? Steve are you there???” 

It’s silent for a few seconds, your heart hammering in your chest. 

“You didn’t say over. Over” 

“Steve Harrington!” You screech into the radio and scream when you’re suddenly tackled over, you go to smash your flashlight across his face and he catches it 

“No no baby it’s me it’s me!!! It’s Steve!” He’s wheeze laughing as he holds you down, and you try and kick at him. Tears are streaming down your face and he coos, letting go of your arms. 

“Ohhh nooo no baby don’t cry I’m so sorry” He laughs as he cups your face, kissing your cheeks. You shove him off you and he grabs your waist. 

“Hear me out, hear me out”

“No! I’m breaking up with you!” You wipe at your eyes, your hands shaking and he hugs you as tight as he can 

“I swear I screamed for a reason! I promise! The grabbing you part was just me being an asshat”

“What the hell were you screaming for!” You punch him in the gut and he wheezes, falling over and letting go of you 

“There was a bat, it literally flew right at my face” 

“A bat?!” 

“Don’t worry! I locked him in the laundry room”

“What about the power??” 

“…Lemme make a call” 

Steve comes back in the room from calling the power company and flops onto the couch, he sighs loudly as he runs his hands over his face and you snuggle into his side, putting your head on his chest.

“So?” 

“Uh… well, the power will be back on in a few hours. But this house is going to be freezing by then, we can go home to your place if you want” 

A little thrill shoots up your spine when he says, “Home” You look around the room and sigh. 

“Well we can’t exactly hang more decorations in the dark” 

“I mean I could always start a fire if you wanted” He shrugs and nods over to the fireplace. It’s clean with fresh logs in it and you sit up excitedly 

“Can I roast marshmallows?” 

“I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be chestnuts, but sure” He snickers as he crawls over to the large fireplace and stacks the logs properly, he grabs some wrapping paper and lights it before setting it on the kindling. It goes up fast and you’re clearly impressed as you come to stand next to him.

“You know, that’s pretty sexy” You cross your arms over your chest as you watch him slowly stack the logs, the fire burning brighter with each piece. 

“Why thank you, would it be sexier if I told you I chopped the wood myself?” He looks up at you after placing the gate and you squirm a little, squeezing your thighs together

“Maybe…” 

He smirks as you bend down and kiss him. You pull away a little, looking into his eyes. His lashes are so long and pretty; you like the way they dust his cheeks when his eyes are closed. 

“You wanna do somethin’ fun?” He asks suddenly, breaking your little haze and you perk up

“Yeah okay” you shrug and he claps his hands together before standing up 

“Put those cushions on the floor, I’ll be right back okay?” 

“Okay” He pecks your lips before leaving and you blush as you get to work, taking all the cushions from the floor and putting them in a little pile on the floor. He returns with a ridiculous armful of blankets and tosses them on the floor. 

“If there’s one thing I know how to do, it’s build a fort” 

You work together, and he teaches you how to build a fort, putting the pillows at the perfect angle so they’ll stay up. You giggle watching his intense concentration as he puts the blanket over the top. You set up the inside with more pillows and blankets and make it nice and comfy. Eventually, he crawls in with you, settling on his side. He holds out his arm and nods. 

“So? Opinions?” 

You giggle and lay on your back, looking up at the star-covered sheet on top. Man, he really did know what he was doing.

“It’s great!” You make grabby hands at him and he puts his arm over you, nuzzling his face into your neck 

“Good, I’m glad you like it. Gonna build you a real house someday” 

Your heart melts immediately at his words, your cheeks flushing hot as you hold him to your chest. He kisses your neck gently, slowly sucking a dark spot onto it. His hands come up your sides and you run your fingers through his messy hair, tugging lightly as he pulls your leg up. You squeak as he rolls you over on top of him and smiles as you sit up, your hands on his chest. 

“You really wanna be with me that long?” You ask quietly and he sits up with you, cupping your face 

“Baby I wanna be with you forever” 

“Oh Stevie,” You say softly as you press your lips to his, he wraps his arms around you, going right back to where he was as he eases your shirt up slowly, taking his time to feel your soft body in his hands as you take his shirt off. His chest hair feels good under your fingertips and you purr quietly as he pulls your hips down on him.

“You wanna do somethin’ else fun?” He mumbles against your lips, smirking as he pulls away a little and you smile with him. 

“You wanna know what I’ve never done before?” You scoot back off the pillows and onto the plush rug in front of the warm fire. You slowly remove your bra, toss it back into the fort, and sit back on your palms, your body on display for him as you make a little come here motion with your finger. 

“I have a feeling I can guess” He crawls out toward you, lying his body between your spread legs and kissing your thighs. 

“So fuckin’ pretty, gonna make me cum in my pants” his voice breaks and your eyes roll back at the soft whining noise he lets out as he grinds his cock into the floor. He nuzzles his nose against your panties, inhaling the sweet scent before dragging his tongue over the wet patch on the front. He swirls his tongue around it, making out with your panties before hooking his fingers in the waistband and pulling them down. You lift your hips and he takes them off, tossing them aside, and leans in again, his eyes rolling back as stares at your glistening puffy lips.

He gets on his knees, shoving his pants down and wriggling them off and you giggle as he awkwardly throws them aside. He strokes his cock a few times, tapping it on your clit and running it through your folds. 

“You ready for me sweet girl? Ready for me to stuff this pretty little pussy?” He comes forward, bending down to suck your nipple into his mouth, rolling his tongue around the perky bud as it hardens. He pushes you down slowly, releasing your nipple with a wet pop and you moan softly, reaching for him. 

You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling his chest against yours and purring at the soft curls coming into contact with your skin, he buries his face in your neck, biting that soft spot between your neck and shoulders before pushing into you slowly. 

The fire crackles around you, filling your chest with a deep warmth as he slides into you, thrusting shallowly a few times. You mewl softly and he swallows your moans, kissing you deeply as he pumps his cock in and out. He balances himself on his elbows, rolling his hips and grinding against your clit with each deep stroke, you wrap your legs around his waist, pushing him in further with each thrust. 

"You like that, don't you?" He growls, his eyes dark with lust. "You like feeling my big cock stretch this pretty little pussy?"

His body has a light sheen of sweat on it as he picks up the pace, sitting up on his knees and grabbing your leg, pushing it upward so you’re in an L shape. You let out little high-pitched squeaks as he thrusts harder, his body snapping against yours. 

You reach forward with a shaky hand, rubbing your clit as he drapes your leg over his shoulder, the fire warms your back, as he ruts into you, growling lowly.

“F-fuck Stevie, Jesus Christ” You whimper, your eyes falling closed and he knows you’re just as close as he is. 

“Cum on my cock baby, fuck lemme see you fall apart” 

He reaches down, replacing your fingers with his and rubbing your clit in fast messy circles, your body shudders and you reach out for his arm, scratching at it as you cum on his cock. You gasp loudly, your head falling back into the fluffy carpet underneath you, your face twisting in pleasure. 

“Fuck you’re so pretty when you cum, so pretty cumming all over my cock like a little slut” 

He thrusts into you one last time, lifting your hips up with his cock as he cums inside you, burying his cock deeply as he finishes inside you. He presses into your tight heat, slowly putting your leg down before falling on top of you. 

You let out a soft “oof” and he nuzzles into you, peppering little kisses over your jaw and neck.

“That was good,” he says breathlessly and you nod, running your fingers through his sweaty hair and massaging his scalp. 

“Very very good” You agree, turning to face him. He kisses your nose and you giggle, nuzzling yours against his 

“I love you” He moves a strand of hair from your forehead, kissing you softly. 

“I love you too” you whisper back, looking into his eyes. He stares at you, trailing his finger over your cheekbone and he’s never been more sure of what he’s going to do tomorrow, under your favorite tree, while it snows. He’s already got the lights up and the candle-paved walkway ready. 

[diazpatcher]

I am back here we go

So Jack deleted Mary

you're dead to me" OUCH WHAT,

oh. okay so bobby 2.0 did not just kill a random ass dude.

Idk Mary is dead now ig

DEAN PUT AWAY JOHNS JOURNAL AFTER MARY DIED 😣😣😣

bobby 2.0 sticking around, caring for them even though he doesn't know them......

SHOWING US DEAN SOBBING AT THE LAST PLACE MARY WAS ALIVE IM GONNA LOOSE MY SHIT

Dumah saw a lost child and turned him.into God what the fuck

Jack's wings are crazy tall holy shit

Also Jack going on a killing spree in the name of Christianity is insane like what💀

WORSM FUCK NO

Wait what the fuck.is the plot for this season anymore 🤨 like I don't even remember (gonna rewatch like very soon.)

NO EW WHY WORMS

the suicide box😞

Dean is so 🧎‍♀���🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️ even though he is going through it rn

I mean at least now they have angels again...😐😐

CASTIEL 😁 (dumah you sweet girl)

Castiel is so scary 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

Lowkey dumah did what was right, like they needed angels, she found a way, she saw Jack and saw a solution.

So who's gonna be faster, Sam or Castiel 🤨

Oh- Cas really should stop killing angels, but also he just killed Dumah bc she threatened Mary and John 💀 and used Jack go off queen.

"I make angels" 🧍‍♂️

Sam having to physically stand between Jack and Dean, the only thing stopping either of them from dying.

Hey so how do we feel about the fact that Dean and Sam were willing to sacrifice a 3 yr old being

Sam's a real bad actor. like at least try to be convincing

it's, it's "Jack in a Box" 💀

Oh. OH. That's his baby 😞 they locked up his baby

those fucking idiots 💀 they did not think that choice through at all.

THE ENTIRE BUNKER SHAKIMG???? A LITERAL FORTRESS

JACK IS TERRIFYING BTW

HE LOOKS LIKE LUCIFER

"he's jusy another monster "you don't mean that" "the hell I don't." kick me in the head while your at it

Oh that's rhe one where they can't lie!!!!!!! omg

"the staple queen" love that

CHUCK???????????

Jack being caught lying

"eight pack mommy" 😭 Dean canonically follows mommy blogs

Oh no. OH NO. JACK NO.

Chuck being the only one who can reign in Deans anger lmao

THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND IS INFACT A LIZARD 😭

"he sneezes and Ups there goes india" 💀

is that the uh the colt but in pretty?

bro😭 Chuck just inventing a gun that can kill anything.

"the point please" HELP 💀

THE SILENCE IS SO LOUD

oh no. One of them again. Why is it always one of them.😞

Dean being the voice of reason

Chuck not liking Billie is so funny.

Also chuck enjoying the conflict between them is so ick.

"you know what I'm gonna say." BECAUSE ITS ALWAYS HIM.BEFORE SAM IM GONNA SLEEP ON THE HIGHWAY

Dean 😭 i can't even

JACK WAS LOOKING FOR HIS FATHER

Chuck is a nerd btw

"One in reverse, no yellow ones just all squirrels" 💀

So sttaight up, Chuck is obsessed with Sam and Dean. "Because you're my guys." Oh 😭

DEANS ALREADY GONE. 🧍‍♂️ IM EATING GLASS YOU HEAR ME

FUCKING HELL

"somewhere safe" ADN THEY PAN OBER TO THE ONLT DANGER OM THE WORLD THAG IS FUCKING DEAN WINVHESTER.

NO no nonno no no

OM HIS KNEEWS NROTHER I CANT TAKE THIS

Sam and Cas both wanting to stop Dean for entirely different reasons.

Chuck appearing out of nowhere TO WATCH his favorite show

WHAT THE FUCK

oh Dean 😞

"the story" THE FATHER KILLING HIS OWM SON.

Chuck is evil.

"My moms my hero" 😞

WHAT RHE DUXK

WHAY FHE FUCK WHAG THE FUCK WHAY THE FUCK WHAG THE FUCK WHAY THE FUCK

WHAY THE FUCK

WHAT THE FUCK BROTHER.

hä????????????????

WHAY RHE FUCK.

rip jack 🙏

they could have ended it w s14 imo

Billie????????????

What the fuck did chuck do.

i caved and started watching supernatural and Jesus fucking christ why are they so funny

[oopsiedaisiesbaby]

Okay because the AU that I'm thinking of is ALSO inspired by the gifs of John in his little polo shirt.

I'm thinking fratboy AU, with senior member John ( maybe treasurer or social secretary) and 19 year old freshman pledge Gale. John is assigned as Gales "big brother"/mentor person in the fraternity.

Obviously they're into each other from day one. Gale's very into this strong, funny, kind frat boy who yeah, wears a backwards baseball cap and gets drunk on jungle juice but would also die to protect any of his brothers and is a big part of the reason that the frat doesn't do hazing to the dangerous degree they used to. He admires his strong, filled out chest and his long clever fingers, and the way that John opens up his room whenever Gale needs to talk. And even from day one John defended Gales decision not to drink and made sure he wasn't excluded from other bonding activities.

John on the other hand is working very, very hard at keeping this fraternity rule appropriate. No fraternizing with your little, definitely no flirting with him ( more than he normally flirts with everyone) and when Gale is in his room, on his bed, John tries his best to shut out the images that flash through his brain ( mostly of john pressing Gale into that bed) but the more time he spends with him the less he wants to be his big brother and the more he wants him as his date to their events. He shakes it off though, Gale is 19 and doesn't need that sort of pressure from an "authority" figure and he's sure he definitely wouldn't want a 22 year old frat boy who spent more time on college baseball than college.

It all kicks off when Gale is assigned to John as his pledge, tasked with fetching drinks and driving him home from parties, making him coffee, waking him up in the morning. How is Gale supposed to function when he sees what John looks like in the morning?

How is John supposed to function when his normal morning wood won't go down after seeing gale in the morning?? And what about when Gale walks john home after a party and John drunkenly asks Gale to stay with him. After all, he's his pledge. He has to do what John says, right?

John holds him close all night and in his sleep ruts against him once or twice but an awful hopeful part of gale hopes that John wouldn't be as respectful. That maybe he would order him to get John off or something. But obviously John doesn't see him that way. He's nearly a grown man and gale is a kid in his eyes.

It takes them a while and more than a few close calls but they figure it out and the rest of the boys are supportive.

( they checked, there's no rule against the frat sweetheart also being in the frat)

Not me being sad the entire ask because Gale can’t be the frat sweetheart and then you healing me with that last line ❤️ I live for frat boy John, Callum in a backwards baseball cap makes my knees week so I know it would make Gale swoon too lol

Yes to all of the above and my thoughts and inspo pics are below the cut (which I tried to keep short and will probably just end up sharing more on later cause I love this idea!)

Imagine during rush week, little baby duck Gale going to each house and clamming up as everyone around him is shouting and partying and he’s shyly trying to talk to any members that approach him because he’s knows Greek life looks good on resumes and will be great for networking after he graduates. It’s just so far from his scene though and he’s horribly uncomfortable and he just wants to go back to his form because this was a huge mistake.

Except then he gets to [insert whatever frat you want here]’s house (they’re nickname is the bloody 100th and no one really knows why but there’s plenty of wild legends) and this absolute puppy dog of a senior is automatically all over him calling him Buck. Gale is, of course, shocked and confused and asks who Buck is and the guy looks at him like he’s lost it and insists Gale is Buck and when Gale asks if he’s high the guy nearly cries laughing and starts showing him off to all of his brothers.

The night goes on and he learns Bucky is the social chair and he’s a lit major (which Gale was not expecting and Bucky is so amused when Gale points that out) and he’s a legacy and he loves baseball and all kinds of other random facts and doesn’t blink when Gale says he doesn’t drink or smoke, just pours him a cup of juice like it’s nothing and continues showing him around the house. He puts the 100th down as his top choice that night and is delighted when he gets an invite back for the second night.

The second night he finds himself being an absolute chatterbox (he’s talking a normal amount but it’s positively loquacious by Gale’s standards) when Bucky commandeers him again and sits him down at the table with his brothers where they’re playing cards (the other rushees are seething with jealousy because it is usually an invite reserved for legacies only).

Gale keeps putting them down as his top pick and he keeps getting invited back and then on bid day he’s being scooped up and spun around by Bucky who is absolutely whooping in excitement and admits that he hand wrote Gale’s bid. Pledges are rotated to different brothers each week and Gale doesn’t care, they’re all pretty nice even when bossing them around but Bucky and Gale still find ways to basically live in each others pockets those first few weeks.

It’s not until the last week when Gale gets assigned to John and he’s waking him up with coffee in bed and John groans and just pulls Gale into bed with him for a cuddle that Gale realizes he might actually be falling in love. He’s embarrassed because there’s no way this hot senior likes him back, he’s just an awkward nerdy freshman. Normally, he’d run for the hills to save himself the embarrassment but he just can’t stay away from John.

He makes it through being a pledge and dies at the elaborate thoughtful gifts his big gets him leading up to the reveal (this may be sorority specific rather than a fraternity thing but it’s what I know so we’re going with it lol) and is absolutely floored when he find out John is his big. He’s both excited and devastated because John being his big means more time with John but it also means they absolutely cannot fuck… there’s gotta be rules against that, right???

Except Gale reads through the rules religiously leading up to initiation and there isn’t shit about fraternizing within the fraternity. It doesn’t matter though because John definitely doesn’t see him that way anyways.

Then homecoming week rolls around and while Gale can’t officially live in the house as a freshman, he stays over every night that week because it makes it easier with all the events and parties going on and means he gets to snuggle with a drunk and happy overgrown puppy by the name of John “Bucky” Egan every night and he’s basically living his best life. Benny looks at him like he’s crazy when he mentions sleeping in John’s bed and explains that Brady makes him sleep on the floor.

It’s got Gale wondering if maybe this isn’t so one sided. It all comes to a head on bonfire night when John begs off pre gaming and plants one right on Gale once the bonfire is lit. He gives Gale his pin and ask him to be his boyfriend (yes, I know pinning is like a promise ring but this is Bucky we’re talking about who was ready to full on propose the moment he laid eyes on Gale) and ofc course Gale says yes.

John might turn down a spot at grad school far away to go to their school’s program just to stay near Gale for the rest of his undergraduate program 😉

Need more frat boy John in my life ❤️❤️❤️

There is another pic of Callum floating around out there with a backwards baseball cap and shirtless but I couldn’t find it but just know I was thinking of that pic in my heart ❤️🤣

[vulpixisananimal]

[A:3 C:58]

(Siffrin) {Mal Du Pays} <Null> |Asterion|  [Loop] [(Saffron)]

(Today, You woke up squished between Ramos and Isabeau, and it was perhaps the safest you’ve felt in months.)

(Ramos’ arms were around your abdomen, and Isa reached all the way over you and Ramos’ bodies, keeping you all close. Your face was resting between Ramos’ head and Isabeaus chest. Your arms were around him. . . Stars. . .)

(You love them both so, so much.)

(The bed wasn’t the biggest in the world, but neither were you, so the three of you made it work. You feel Isabeau rousing from sleep first. You let out a soft laugh.) “G’morning, sleepyhead. . .”

“Sssiiifffff. . .” (He pulls you closer and leans kisses your head.) “Ssiffyyy. . .”

“Nooooo.” (The anguished groan came from Ramos as you were pulled away, they shuffled closer and held you tighter with both arms.) “Waaarrmmmm. . .”

“Mmmmsooo waaarmmm. . .” (Isabeau buried his head in your hair and nuzzled it.)

“Noooooo I’m being burriiiieeeeeddd. . .”

“Lost foreeeeeverrrrrr.” (Isabeau cries dramatically.)

“Buried away. . . My most precious treasure. . .” (Ramos giggles and kisses your neck.)

“W-whuh-” (You’re- o-ohstars you feel hot-)

“My cutest little wish. . .” (Isabeau kisses your head.)

“G-guys-” (You lost your words as Ramos kissed your neck again. Isa kissed your head. Ramos kissed your shoulder, Isa your forehead, your cheek, your chin-)

(You’re being buried in kisses!! Help!!!! HELP!!!!!!)

{No. Punishment.}

(HELP!!!!)

[Oh no Stardust! Surrounded by two rock types? At this rate you’ll be K.Oed in no time!!]

<A truly poor showing, Mx.lvl.99.>

(You felt so so dizzy, Isa was kissing you on the lips, Ramos was by your ear, ss-stars-)

(Isa pulled away, hand to your cheek.) “Too much?”

“Mnhfghnfdms.” (You felt so dizzy.) “sssoososo much. . .”

“S-sorry Siffrin.” (Ramos relents too.) “Not a good idea?”

“N-nonoI liked it just- b-breath, breather-” (You breathe, in and out, your heart, o-oh. .)

[(But isn’t this what you wanted?)]

(I-)

[(You wanted to be vulnerable, and congratulations! You got it~ You get to be the doll, the plaything, the actor for these two now! That is until they throw us away. And then where will you be!)]

(N-no they, won’t do that! I, I love them! So, s-so why would they-)

[(Oh! I see! Just like how you wanted to remember! Or how you wanted to keep living! Lying yourself to make yourself feel better! That’s alright, Host, I understand! Because you’re-)]

(You’re snapped out of your moment by Ramos BITING YOUR EAR?!? 

(You jump up into a sitting position, mouth over your face, turning to them.) “R-RAMOS?!?!”

“S-sorry!!” (They covered their face with the blanket.) “I-I, uh, sorry. S-still, trying to, get a hold on that mind craft stuff and I might have maybe a little bit overheard a little that something bad might be happening in there so-”

“O-oh! Uh. . .” (You scratch your arm.) “I. . . Thanks, uh. . .”

“A-are you sure? I’m, not really supposed to-”

(Isabeau reaches out and flicks Ramos forehead, then sits up as well.) “You meant good, Ramos, it’s alright!”

“O-okay--” (They sit up, too.) “. . . I, think we should get up.”

“O-oh yeah.”

“Too true! Breakfast awaits!!”

>>>

“Sleep better tonight, kiddo?” (Ramos asked Bonnie as you were stuffing your face.) 

“Eh.” (Bonnie replied between sips of a warm soup.) “Nightmare again, no moth, but it still felt better.”

“Well that’s not nothing!” (Mirabelle responded confidently.) “How does that work again, Rams?”

“You need a dreamlight in your room I think.” (They replied before slapping their head.) “Stars I should have put mine up in your room, sorry.”

“It’s ok.” (Bonnie took another sip.) I cn’ handle it.”

“No the crab you can’t.” (Nille interrupted, appearing from the kitchen.) “Rams, you can have more than one dreamlight, right?”

“Yeah? Oh! I could probably find one somewhere for Bonnie.”

“Perfect.” (Nille sat down.) “That god’s quickly becoming a favorite, sorry Change.”

“Oh no need to apologise to them.” [You interrupt sarcastically.] “They’re insane, quite insane.”

“H-hey!” (Mirabelle replied. Really, Loop?)

“Sorry Mirabelle, I’m speaking the truth~” [Oh come on, Stardust.] “Ah and sorry, I couldn’t help jumping in~ Because do you know just how the Change God reacted to Stardust's little never changing time loop?”

“O-ohheyLoop-” [Ramos looked surprised.] “Yeah uh, you guys were gonna tell me sometime right?”

“Now’s the time!” [You giggled.] “To abridge the story to avoid spoilers for Mirabelle; Changey oh so cheekily teased Siffrin about it, and was fine with it! A never ending two day loop! Fine!”

“. . . . Huh!” [Ramos leans back.] “I can believe it.”

“Yeah that doesn’t seem too far fetched actually.” [Mirabelle puts a finger to her chin.] “Besides! Siffrin did change a lot in that time. And hi Loop!”

“Eugh. Stars, was I the only one who thought that was unexpected?”

[No-one challenges you on that.]

“I hate you all so much.”

“O-oh! Right! Loop.” [Ramos swallows their bite of food, then pauses before continuing.] “U-uh, I, needed to, ask you something.”

“Oh really?” [You squint at them, hand to your mouth.] “What would you need answered by me?”

“A-actually uh, Siffrin asked me something but, I, want to check you first. A-and others.” 

[Oh?] “Go on?”

“W-well.” [They clear their throat.] “They, wanted me to teach them, some, mind craft. J-just in case Perci, y’know. . .”

[You stare at Ramos, then go back to your own food and angrily take a bite out of it, swallow.] “I’ll think about it.”

“T-thanksIjustwantedtocheckbecauseIdindn’twanttocrossa-” 

[Ramos was interrupted by a loud clanging of the bells in the distance. Ramos perked up.] “. . What time is it?!?”

“Uhm, quarter to eleven?

“. . . . CRAB!” [They jumped from their seat.] “The bells get rung off the hour if there’s some sadness atack!”

“O-OH!” [Isabeau jumps up too.] “Let’s go help em’ out then!!”

“Wonderful idea~” [You and Mirabelle get up, but Isa puts a hand on your shoulder.]

“You’re still recovering, Loop.” [He smiles at you.] “Please stay here?”

“I-” (Heeeee has a point.) “. . . Ugh, fine.”

“I’ll kick some butt for you, Lulu.” [Isa leaned down and kissed you softly on the lips]

[You immediately covered your face with your cloak and sat down. S-stars. . .]

>>>

(Ramos)

(Just in time!!)

(You didn’t pause for even a second, you rushed out of the city gate, and your tonfa rushed into the face of a sadness.)

“FINALLY!!” (Thai hopped back next to you, he was wielding a massive claymore.) “Where the crab WHERE you!!!”

“Running, mostly!!” (You reply cheekily.) “What were you doing! Except getting your ass beat-”

“DUCK! IDIOTS!!!” (Your instincts react faster than your head, you duck, as does Thai. A beam of craft energy passes overhead, piercing multiple sadness at once.)

(You look up, Ark was a few feet away, bow in hand, rock sign out. You wave.) “Cool craft!”

“SORRY WE’RE SLOW!!” (Isabeau and Mirabelle join the rest of you, you turn back to the waves of incoming sadness, back to it!!)

(Stars there was a lot.)

(You clobber another sadness, dance back, move around. Hit another, get going. Just focus on one fight at a time, you’ll beat em!)

(Why the hell was there so many sadness anyway? Oh what was that explanation again. . ?)

(An overabundance of sadness when the King froze the place, once the King disappeared, so did the sadness. That left a gap in the ecosystem for a few months with little to no sadness, then the sadness population booms for a little bit to fill the gap, then evens out eventually.)

(Stars above, that time of no sadness was nice while it lasted!)

(An arrow whistles by your head, a shield softens the blow from another. You tackle a sadness going for Thai, help take one down with Isa.)

(. . . You were starting to feel less useless.)

(Your muscles burned with each strike. Your bones shook with the impact of your feet in the grass. Your mind darted from threat to threat, trying to keep up. Dancing back, forward, defence, offence.)

(Ugh, Stars.)

(You feel a hand on your shoulder, Ark had put her bow aside and got her sword and shield out.) “Feel alright?”

“Yeah, just hungry.” (Eyeroll.) “We didn’t even finish breakfast!”

“Same here.” (Ark huffed, before jogging in and slashing at a sadness.) “I didn’t realize you were Eris kid! Sorry uh-”

“It’s cool!” (You circle around, striking the sadness from the back.) “I changed, probably didn’t recognize me!”

“Yeah, you look good by the way!” (Block, stab.) “Love the weapon choice, too!”

“Aww thanks!” (With a kick the sadness fell.) “I’m dual rock/scissors, so it’s perfect for me!”

“Oh sick!!” (Arks eyes lit up.) “Good defensively around the arms, and good for fast strikes!”

“Exactly!!” (You smiled, and moved to attack another sadness.) “They’re an ass to learn though!”

“I bet!” (Ark moved in with a big sword sweep.) “But I can’t say crab about stuff like that!”

“What does that mean?!” (Dodge, dodge, dodge.)

“It means-” (With a motion Ark threw her shield aside and grabbed the sword with both hands, and swung, slicing the sadness clean in half.) “I, -huff-, got training in a crab-ton of weapons.”

“Really?!?” (You pick her shield up and toss it to her.) 

“Yeah!” (She puts the shield back on.) “Lotta people like to read a book to relax. Me? I like learning a new fighting style!”

“Nice!” (You twirl a tonfa.) “That friend of mine, Siffrin, they wanna use more weapons. Maybe you could teach em?”

“Sure! Come by the big ass tower near the gate sometime, I usually stay there. Now, shall we?”

“Please.” (And off to the next sadness.)

(This banter continued, exchanging jokes, comments, advice with each other, as well as the rest of the group here! You were getting so in the zone, you barely focused on fighting the waves of sadness. Then you’d get slapped and snap back to reality.)

(But it was taking a while.) 

“Uuuhrg my fists are starting to cramp.” (Isa complains, shaking a hand out.)

“I got PLACES TO BE can these sadness just freakin’ GO!?!” (Thai spat on the ground.)

“Just a bit longer!” (Mirabelle reassured.) “It’s starting to thin out! I-I think, but we just-”

(And a row of sadness’ heads exploded.)

(Someone behind you snaps their fingers.)

(It was a blinding flash of white light, mixed with that same shade as before. But as soon as the light was there, it was gone. Who- you turn around.)

(Merlon was standing a few feet behind you. You locked eyes.)

(She snapped her fingers again, you saw a spark of light, and another row of sadness exploded.)

“Blinding crabs!” (You duck down, looking back at the fireworks, then back to Merlon. It looked like the others were having similar reactions.) “What the VOID?!?”

“O-oh Change. . .” (Mirabelle looked shocked.)

“Ooooooh crab okay.” (Isabeau was too pumped with adrenaline.)

“Woah.” (Ark, well, you knew the face of someone who wanted to try that later.)

“YEAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” (And Thai was, Thai.)

(Merlon snapped their fingers one last time, and the last sadness’ exploded into light.)

“. . . . . . . . . . . . .”

“. . . . My apologies.” (Merlon bowed shallowly.) “I had some emotions to get out of my system.”

“. . . . . No kidding!” (You chuckle nervously.) “U-uh, that, was, uh. . .”

“HOW’D YOU-” (Thai starts.)

“No.” (Merlon cuts him off.)

“BUT-”

“You’ll die.” (They wave him away.) “Don’t you have a Tea-vern to run?”

“CRAB! RIGHT!” (And Thai was off in an instant.)

(You stood up straight, Isabeau and Mirabelle walking next to you. . . Could. . . Could Merlon always do that?!? Ark looked between you all and Merlon. She must have caught the tension) “. . . . . I’ll let you catch up.”

(Once she was out of earshot, you had to ask.)  “. . . Why didn’t you do that when fighting us before?”

“Doing so would have left Perci frozen in time.” (They turn to leave.) “Either due to Lady Mirabelles death, or refusal to cooperate.”

“Hey wait!” (Isabeau steps forward.) “Weren’t you recovering because of that thing you did?!? Why are you here all of a sudden doing that?!?”

“. . . I spent a few more days than necessary to recover.” (She glances back.) “And I was discharged a few days ago.”

(Oh.)

(. . . . That piece of stinking crab meat Perci!!!) “He was at the medhouse the other day though?!?”

“To ask about craft exhaustion remedies.” (She waved a hand, then continued to walk away.) “Take care of yourselves, hopefully when we next meet you’ll happily help us with our research.”

(You watch her leave. As they walk to the gate, you see another familiar figure. The twin swords, the messy hair, the vest. He leans down and kisses her hand, and they walk back to the city together.)

(. . . If it wasn’t for literally everything else, you’d call them a cute couple.)

[glitter-stained]

I'm wondering whether I should do a short post about psychoanalysis in Red Hood: Lost Days but also the way I was taught psychoanalysis was "look. You hate this and don't believe any of this is real and feel like it does actual harm to patients. We also hate this and don't believe it's real and feel like it does actual harm to patients. However, a therapeutic team that can't understand eachother and communicate is much more harmful to the patients, so let's get through this together so you have a basic understanding of what your psychoanalytical coworkers will be talking about."

So if I talk about it it's gonna be disrespectful it's gonna be messy and it's gonna be filled with thinly veiled shade thrown at my least favourite psychoanalyst (no, it's not even Freud if you'll believe it). And it's not because I hate people, it's because I am frankly incapable of not throwing shade when it comes to the themes we're talking about in Lost Days.

As a frame of reference, the neuropsychology VS psychoanalysis dispute here has led, in some of the places I've interned at, to feuds so intense people have screamed in the staffroom, stormed off in the middle of meetings, and even in some cases, mass quitting because people couldn't stand to work in the same space, not to mention the criminal incidents. Me throwing shade under a pseudonym on the internet is the nice alternative.

So I guess the question is : are you guys interested in an intensely bitchy and relatively short (because I have better stuff, like actual science, to talk about) analysis of Red Hood: Lost Days that will give you an explanation as to why they had Talia and Jason sleep together at the end and simultaneously make you wish you hadn't?

[blueishspace]

Hero, Villain God 32

(Prev) (Next) (First)

*Grian's pov*

You "wake up" extremely late the next day ... You didn't really, you took the night to work on things in your plan and you just lost track of time, but nobody has to know that...

Normally this wouldn't be worth mentioning considering It's Saturday and most mortals oversleep in the weekend but from the number of notifications on your phone you can guess this isn't the case... You just have to wonder what in the world has been going on.

[Pearl created a new chat.] [Pearl added you.] [Pearl added Scott.] [Pearl added Cleo.] [Pearl added Martyn.] Scott: Ohh Nice! Scott: ... Scott: Why? Cleo: Yeah. Cleo: What's this for? Pearl: After yesterday thought it would be a good idea. [Pearl changed the chat(s) name to Winners] Scott: Ohhh!love that. Scott: What did we win? Pearl: Nothing. Martyn: Maybe the real win was the friends we made along the way. Cleo: Why that name then? Pearl: It's a bit of a joke, It's a reference to the traffic. Cleo: ... Cleo: So, hope you know that doesn't make any sense. Martyn:Say. Martyn: Talking about friendship, where's my funny man Scar at? Pearl: I don't have his number. Martyn: Aww. Pearl: Ask Grian about it. Martyn: @/Grian. Scott: I don't think he's awake yet. Martyn: @/Grian. Martyn: @/Grian. Cleo: This is fun. @/Grian. Martyn: @/Grian. Cleo: @/Grian. Scott: I can do that too @/Grian.

. . . You are going to have to respond or they might actually keep doing this, well, finding Scar's number shouldn't be too hard... hopefully.

Grian: I'm here. Martyn: Finally. Martyn: So? Grian: I'm on it.

Scar looks more lively today, the eyebags are still there but much less prominent. He looks excited about something.

"What has gotten you so happy Scar? Did you enjoy my gift that much?"

"No! I mean yes! I mean I loved it! But I am excited about something else!"

"Something else?"

"Yes! Guess!"

"Uh... We got a raise?"

Why did you even ask that, you don't even need money...

"... No?"

"I have no clue...is it like...hero stuff?"

"Yes! The hero association said that you can start actually going out as my sidekick soon!"

Ah right, yeah, you were wondering about that actually... It's been a few days since the inauguration thing abd you haven't actually done any hero stuff yet.

". . .Aren't you excited?"

You are, definitely, just probably for different reasons then his.

"Yeah, just shocked about it, didn't meant to leave you hanging like that."

"Oh right, I shouldn't have told you like this... Kinda sprung it on you randomly"

"It's ...fine Scar."

Then he seems to remember that you wanted to talk to him.

"Well, did you need something G?"

"... Yeah, do you have a civilian phone number?"

"Oh yeah! I should have told you ages ago! It's xxxxxxxxxx"

"Great, Pearl made a group chat, do you want in?"

"Oh! Sure! That sounds fun"

-Winners- Martyn: So? Martyn: Any news. Scott: I'm pretty sure he just went back to sleep. Grian: Done. Scott: I stand corrected. [Grian added Scar]

*End of chapter 7*

[familiarscars]

Lost In Control | Bad Omens | CHAPTER 22

adult content | minors do NOT interact.

⋆ 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. Bad Omens X ex-girlfriend and singer!Reader.

⋆ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒. You and Noah had a difficult ending, but you still need to support each other for the band.

⋆ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆(𝐒). melancholy, ex-boyfriends, difficult relationships, alcohol abuse, swearing, drug addiction, violence, sex explicit, voyeurism.

It's okay to not agree with the characters' attitudes during the fic. It's good to remember that the story is fiction from the author's sick mind, and of course they will make dubious decisions according to my fantasies. Nothing is done to be compared to reality.

Los Angeles, November 2, 2020.

The silence of the street that morning was an unexpected balm, as the timid sunlight filtered through the living room window. You were sitting on the windowsill, your forehead pressed against the cold glass, watching the birds outside in their incessant cycle.

They would descend to the ground, examine the scattered fruits, and carefully pick the best ones. With their beaks full, they flew back to the nest, where the hungry chicks awaited. But the larger bird, ever vigilant, would push the smaller ones back inside with its wings, blocking any attempts to explore the world beyond the interwoven branches.

It seemed to believe that the nest was all the chicks needed: protection, food, and safety. What more could possibly exist out there to justify their restlessness? To the larger bird, love and care should be enough. And yet, the chicks kept struggling against the limits imposed on them.

The question echoed in your mind like a refrain: why were they so ungrateful? But soon that thought was replaced by another, more disturbing one, like smoke lingering in the air: you understood the chicks. Perhaps because, in some way, you had once been in their place.

"Up early?" Noah’s husky voice broke through behind you, followed by the brief warmth of his lips against your temple. The fresh scent of toothpaste contrasted with the heaviness in your chest.

"I didn’t sleep." Your reply was dry, almost drawn out, as your eyes stayed fixed on the glass, watching the birds. The words came out alongside a faint mist on the window—a testament to your restless breath.

Noah sighed and sat beside you, picking up the phone left at your side. He swiped at the screen for a few seconds before locking the device and shaking his head slowly in disapproval of what he’d read.

You, on the other hand, had spent the entire night immersed in that toxicity. Cruel comments and lies pierced your mind like needles: accusations of assault against Noah, death wishes, judgments of your character.

They knew everything. They knew about your humble childhood in Richmond, your devoutly Christian mother, and your stepfather named Seth. They knew about the abuse you suffered and how you’d been thrown out of your home. They knew you had no one else in this world.

But how? That question throbbed like an open wound. There was no answer. Only the fact that all of it, exposed to millions of strangers, had reduced you to ashes, while the memories you’d tried to bury were unearthed without mercy.

"We agreed not to give attention to this kind of thing," Noah’s voice was low, almost pleading, as he placed the phone back where it was.

"It’s easy to say that when none of those comments are about you." Your voice was muffled, your forehead still pressed against the glass.

"I know it’s shit, okay? I’m sorry for that, but we both agreed that ignoring this situation and moving forward as if we lived in a bubble was the best thing to do!"

You slowly pulled away from the window, closed your eyes, and took a deep breath. Then you opened them again, turning to face him. He was there but felt distant.

He had taken on a burden that wasn’t his. He carried your problems as if they were his own, trying to live a life that didn’t belong to him. All because he believed that by doing so, he could keep you by his side.

"Right, but where exactly are we ignoring this, Noah?" Your voice was firm, cutting through the air. He frowned, surprised by your question. "We’re locked inside the house like prisoners. You’ve banned any interaction with the public during and after shows. You changed my costumes, cut the band’s meet-and-greets. None of us have social media anymore. You want to be with me from the moment I wake up until the moment I fall asleep. Is this what you call ignoring what they’re doing to me? Treating me like I’m the problem and need to be hidden away, as if I were a threat?"

The accusation hung in the air like a muffled thunderclap, leaving a silence that felt heavier than the morning itself.

Noah didn’t respond immediately. His expression hardened, his jaw clenched, and he looked away toward the street as if searching for an answer among the still trees or lonely lampposts. It was as if the words tangled inside him, trapped, struggling to escape. You knew that look. He was carefully choosing what he could or couldn’t say, trying to avoid letting any word spark a storm.

"Wait..." He furrowed his brows after a long pause. "Is it just me, or are you trying to pin this on me?"

"I’m giving you the part of the blame that’s yours!"

"But it makes no sense for you to talk like this, as if I’m keeping you captive! Fine, maybe those people don’t exist outside the internet, but what about that guy? Do you really think I’m wrong for wanting to protect you after what he did to you and knowing he might still be out there?" He shouted, slamming his hand against his thighs, the sound echoing in the room’s silence. "Seth was following us during the tour, and you didn’t even care to let us know that could be happening!"

"I thought I had everything under control, and Seth is my problem!"

"Control? I can only imagine what was giving you that false sense!" Noah's tone hardened, his eyes darkening in a way that was almost frightening. "You didn’t just risk your life, you put all of us in danger, holding onto a ticking time bomb like that and not telling anyone! This ridiculous habit of yours, thinking you have to solve everything on your own, nearly destroyed everything!"

"Ridiculous habit?" Your voice came out weaker than you’d hoped because, deep down, you understood his desperation. "Wanting to deal with my problems like an adult, without leaning on anyone, is a ridiculous habit to you?"

"That’s not what I meant. But when you refuse my help, when you ignore everything I do to protect you, you act selfishly because you’re only thinking about preserving your pride, which, let’s face it, is useless in a situation like this!"

Noah had always been like that. He turned love into possession, protection into armor that suffocated as much as the pain he tried to shield you from.

"And when you make my problems your own because of this hero complex of yours, isn’t that selfishness?" you shot back.

He ran his hands through his hair, exhaling sharply. His fingers trembled briefly before disappearing into his pockets. It was rare to see Noah like this, vulnerable, and that only made it hurt more. He was trying to be strong. Trying to be firm. But the truth was, he was breaking along with you—one piece at a time.

"I don’t want you to carry this alone," he said, his voice steady now. His gaze met yours, direct, filled with a raw intensity that made him seem like someone else. "I see you destroying yourself. I see how all this crap hurts you, and it kills me a little more every day. I just want to keep you whole!"

"Noah, you don’t want to keep me whole because you care about me. You’re afraid of what might happen to your life if I cease to exist."

He shook his head but said nothing.

"That’s the real selfish act. You mask your protection with a prison without bars. Because you’ve forgotten how to live your own life. Since you realized I could breathe for both of us, you stopped trying."

You stood up from the window, your legs trembling after sitting in the same position for so long, and faced him. He didn’t look away. Every detail of his exhaustion was there, plain as day: the deep circles under his eyes, the pale skin, the lips pressed into a tense silence. Noah was just a shadow now. A shadow of what he thought he needed to be to keep you safe.

"I’ve never heard such nonsense in my life." He rolled his eyes, incredulous. "You point out my overprotectiveness and forget I do this not just for you, but for the band, for our career! That’s what’s at risk every time you decide to do whatever you want and fuel news as bad or worse than this!"

"Your ability to spin a topic to dodge your mistakes is fascinating."

"You complain about feeling trapped and pressured by me, but when did you ever do something to keep your name out of those headlines?" he countered, his voice rising. "I’m not talking about the Seth incident, that was an isolated mess, but I’m referring to your preference for destroying your image daily instead of being woman enough to clear up the truths and lies about you! Oh no, wait, you’re waiting for me to do it!"

"It’s the least you owe me, seeing as it’s your fans accusing me of assault!"

"And what about all the other times?" he demanded, his eyes blazing. "Don’t tell me Miss I’m Strong and Handle Everything Alone has never been capable of defending herself? Don’t dump everything on me now."

You let out a weak laugh, but it was drenched in disappointment. Maybe it hurt as much as betrayal because it felt like he’d been holding onto all those words as a weapon, waiting for the right moment to use them. Your chest ached, burned in a way that almost made you want to scream. But you held firm, crossing your arms and digging your fingers into your skin as if it could anchor you.

"I guess I was too busy using myself as a shield to keep anything from reaching you. Sorry if I didn’t have time to craft a better statement." Your tone was dry.

"And why did you waste your time doing that?" he shot back, his challenging tone at odds with the gleam in his eyes, where tears threatened to surface.

"Because you could never survive a single day in my shoes."

Noah let out a bitter laugh, glancing up at the ceiling as if trying to escape the conversation. Slowly, he pushed himself up, walking toward you with deliberate, almost calculated steps.

"You, you, you, you..." He repeated as he leaned down to meet your eyes. The man before you now wasn’t the Noah you knew. He was a stranger. "It’s always about you."

"There are many things I’ve learned from you in five years, Noah. One of them is how to make the scene about myself even when I’m trying to do something for someone else," you said firmly, your chest puffed out as you held his gaze. "Maybe it was never about us."

With those words, you pulled away from him, running your sleeve under your eyes to wipe away the tears threatening to fall. It didn’t matter that, deep down, you could hear his heavy sigh, almost a grunt, as if a sword had pierced his chest. You remained resolute, grabbed your bag, and walked to the door.

Noah grabbed your wrist, his grip firmer than you expected.

"Where are you going?" His voice was urgent, almost desperate.

"I need to breathe."

And with that, you pulled away from him and slammed the door behind you.

The streets were wet from the drizzle that came and went without warning. You walked aimlessly, stomping into puddles as if you could crush the anger underfoot. The streetlights cast long shadows stretching ahead of you, but your mind was elsewhere. Each step echoed with Noah’s words, the accusations and excuses he used to justify everything.

It was as if he was always watching from the sidelines, looking at the bigger picture where he was the center. The band, the career, the reputation. All of it seemed to matter more than you, especially now that he no longer hid how much the climb to success had changed him. It wasn’t about protecting you but about protecting what he thought he couldn’t afford to lose after everything he’d achieved. You felt it now, as though he had shaped your entire relationship around his own interests.

And you? You were just a piece in this game he controlled.

The cold wind hit your face, but it couldn’t extinguish the heat burning in your chest. The anger, the frustration, the hurt—it was all a tangled mess that seemed to grow with every thought. Noah made it seem like you were always purposefully swimming against the current, that every move you made was a calculated risk he had to rein in and tether under his control. It didn’t matter if you were right or not.

Your eyes landed on a neon sign flashing at the entrance of a bar. The muffled sound of live music spilled through the partially open door, and for a moment, you hesitated. But something pushed you inside. Maybe it was the need to forget, even if just for a few hours.

The atmosphere was warm, welcoming in its own way. The cigarette smoke mixed with the smell of alcohol and old wood. You went straight to the counter and ordered a shot of something strong. You drank it quickly, feeling the heat slide down your throat like a spark. You ordered another, and then one more. The music in the background began to draw your attention, the sound of the guitar and the raspy vocals filling the space. You turned, letting your eyes find the stage.

A lone singer stood there, his face partially obscured by the dim light, but his energy seemed to overflow. You found yourself moving closer, almost unconsciously, drawn to the music like a moth to a flame. When you were close enough, he looked at you, a faint smile on his face.

“We have a special guest in the audience tonight,” he said into the microphone, his eyes fixed on yours. “Care to join me on stage?”

You felt your heart clench, a mix of surprise and hesitation. But before you could think too much, the crowd began clapping and cheering you on. It was like an invisible push. You climbed onto the stage, took the microphone he extended, and took a deep breath.

The music started softly, and you felt the melody pull you into a place you hadn’t visited in a long time. When the first notes escaped your lips, your mind was flooded with memories.

Pearl’s bar. The simple, magical nights when everything was easier, when music was the only bond you and Noah needed. He came every night, sat in the same spot, and you always knew he was there before even seeing him. It was his gaze that made the entire world disappear. You remembered your first duet, how your voices met, intertwining as if they had always belonged together.

And then came love. So easy, so inevitable. Noah was the spark, and you were the fire. Everything seemed perfect back then. Music united you in a way nothing else could.

But now, as you sang, reality seemed to overlay the memories. The Noah you once knew wasn’t the same man who now seemed more concerned with appearances and status. And you were no longer the enchanted girl who sang just for him.

When the song ended, the applause was deafening. You smiled, an empty smile that didn’t reach your eyes. The audience’s gratitude didn’t move you as it once had. It was as if the flame that burned inside you had been extinguished. You thanked them and stepped off the stage, the weight in your chest heavier than ever.

Back at the counter, you ordered another drink. As the bartender filled your glass, you stared at your reflection in the mirrored wall behind him. For a moment, you didn’t recognize the person looking back.

From the corner of your eye, you could see a scene that churned your stomach more than the acidic amount of alcohol you’d been drinking. A woman and a little girl who looked like her were sitting at a table, sharing a plate of fries while enjoying the next song.

You watched from afar, like an invisible observer in a world that wasn’t yours. The woman stroked the girl’s hair as she laughed, swinging her small legs on the high chair. They shared a plate of fries, chatting between bites, as if they existed in a universe apart, shielded from any pain or emptiness. The live music filled the air but seemed distant, muffled by the growing weight in your chest.

You wished you could feel homesick. Wished you knew what it was like to have a place to return to, where someone was waiting for you, ready to hear your sorrows. You wished you had the kind of bond they shared, the freedom to rest in a lap that was your safe haven. But you had never known what that felt like.

A fragmented memory surfaced — your mother’s face, always serious, always distant, as if she were a figure hovering over you instead of someone present by your side. You tried to recall if there had ever been a gesture like that, a caress through your hair, a moment of carefree laughter. Nothing. Only the void of memories that never existed.

The lump in your throat became unbearable. You couldn’t look at them anymore. Grabbing your things in a hurry, you stumbled over your own feet and left the bar as if the air inside were suffocating you. The rain had grown stronger, and you felt the cold drops hit your face like tiny knives. The wind seemed to mock your vulnerability, but you kept walking without knowing where, fighting the feeling that you were utterly alone in the world.

Your phone was in your hand before you even realized it. Your fingers trembled as they searched for your mother’s number in the contact list. When you finally pressed call, the sound of the ringing echoed like a desperate prayer in the night’s silence.

One ring. Two. Three.

Each second of waiting seemed to tear something out of you.

Four. Five.

She didn’t answer.

The rain seemed to weigh more with each passing moment, as if the sky, too, was aware of the emptiness opening inside you. You slowly lowered the phone, your gaze lost somewhere ahead. It wasn’t anger you felt but something deeper, more corrosive. An agony that came from a place even alcohol couldn’t numb.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw the woman and the little girl leaving the bar, the child now holding a small, colorful umbrella that nearly swallowed her. The mother pulled the hood of her coat over her daughter’s head as they talked, laughing at something you couldn’t hear. They passed by you, so close you caught the sweet scent of perfume mixed with fries.

And then, they were gone.

You stood there, motionless in the rain, feeling your heart weigh in your chest like an anchor. There was no one to call, no one to listen. You pressed the phone against your chest, trying to contain the sob that escaped your throat. But it was useless. The tears came, mingling with the rain, and for the first time in a long while, you let the loneliness consume you completely.

Across the street, under the dim light of a lamppost barely piercing the darkness, two men stood too close to each other. One of them, with a hood pulled low over his eyes, held something small and rectangular in his hand. The other looked tense, glancing around as they exchanged a few quick, inaudible words beneath the sound of rain hitting the pavement.

You stopped walking, blinking against the drops wetting your lashes. That scene, so subtle and mundane, should have gone unnoticed. But something about it ignited a fire in you, a fire fueled by hurt, loneliness, and a deep anger you could no longer ignore.

The promise you had made — to yourself, to Noah, to whoever — briefly flickered in your mind but was swallowed by something greater, something overwhelming. Fury. A fury that made you tremble, not from the cold, but from the urge to do anything to escape the void consuming every fiber of your being.

You crossed the street without thinking, your feet slightly stumbling on the uneven curb. The second man, the one receiving the package, noticed you and muttered something before turning and disappearing around the corner, hands stuffed in his pockets. That left only one. He saw you before you got close but didn’t show surprise — he just glanced at you sideways, with the tired expression of someone who’s seen it all.

You stopped in front of him, your heart racing and your clothes clinging to your body, rain streaming down your skin. He said nothing. Neither did you.

Your hand went to your jacket pocket, pulling out a crumpled bill that had barely survived the dampness. It was enough. It always was. You held the wet paper between your fingers, showing it without ceremony.

He didn’t ask what you wanted. He didn’t need to. Without a word, he reached into an inner pocket and pulled out two small packages, almost identical to the one he’d just handed to the other man. The plastic gleamed under the faint light, so translucent you could almost see what was inside.

You traded. Just like that.

You had just broken your promise.

⭑ @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard ; @iluvmewwwww75 ; @anarchydomainglory ; @foliosgirl ; @lma1986 ; @chey-h ; @supersquirrel1996 ; @zozaline​ ; @just-randomm-stuff

[squirrels-and-whales]

I've been home for a week now and it's been really, really nice. The house is all decorated for Christmas and super cozy and it's been so good to be with the children (and for them to still be in school too so I can get rest).

It was all kind of idyllic until tonight.

My kindergartener came home without his snow boots and for whatever reason I lost it. Like full on sobbing and feeling like the worst person ever.

I feel like such a burden on everyone as I still need constant help and can't actually do anything around the house. My risk of bleeding is very high so my husband doesn't even want me to walk up or down stairs unassisted.

To be clear - no one has made me feel like a burden it's all me and my interior voice.

I don't know why the lost snow boots derailed me but they did. I can't do anything about them. I feel like I can't even help with the basic needs of my kids.

I just feel like such a weight on everyone. I cried so hard tonight that my whole abdomen aches and then had to have the damn blood thinner injection.

I just wish I could do more (or really anything). I just wish I could take a break from being unwell. All I do is sleep and sit up with the family.

My husband reminded me that I said I'd go through this (it happens with every surgery) but it doesn't make it easier. I hate the feelings of worthlessness. Like I should never have gotten married etc as I'm no good to anyone.

Even writing here feels like I'm being a complainer.

I hope the feeling passes soon.

[scripts4dreamers]

Letters from the sky pt. 2

AN: Okay this truly was not meant to have a part two, but I just finished Veilguard and so the brain rot continues.

Part One

It took the better part of a month for Solas to receive a response. By the time that swooping, flowing little piece of paper caught Solas’ eye, he had moved from the half crumbling tower in the memory of an abandoned fort to a small cabin on the edge of a sea of starlike wildflowers. His cabin was pressed against an ancient forest where trees grew so tall and thick that it made his Dread Wolf form seem small and insignificant. He loved it there. The flowers were sweet and fragrant, the days were warm and the nights were bracingly cold. The forest was so old that it made Solas feel young and fresh, the way he had at the start of the world. So, as the letter made its way towards where he sat, Solas let it come. He was comfortable there, seated on the patio whittling away at a piece of wood he had found on his journey.

“Welcome, friend,” He said as the letter unfolded itself in his hand, “I was beginning to think that I had seen the last of you.”

The letter, again, said nothing and Solas couldn’t help but chuckle. There was something about this place that calmed him and made him feel lighter, like the spirit he had once been rather than the man he now was. The lighthouse was his home. Nowhere in the fade could truly compare, but this field was a close second.

He took a moment to prepare himself as best he could before, once more, gingerly opening the envelope, keeping the seal intact. The moment he saw the familiar looping handwriting, his heart jumped into his throat and, despite having sworn that he would take things slowly, he immediately dove into the letter.

Solas,

I am terribly embarrassed. It truly never occurred to me that I would actually send that letter, or honestly that I possessed the skill to do so while so fabulously drunk. I cannot remember everything I said to you, but I’m sure I made a fool of myself. Again. I can only hope you can forgive me.

I have left Skyhold to travel with Blackwall for a time. It is night now, and I am alone. Thom collapsed a few hours ago. He still can’t hold his liquor. He thinks I need to remember the goodness in the world, that it will help me find the hope I had when we first met. I don’t know if that is possible and I doubt, even if it is, that I will find it on this trip, but I do appreciate his company. It is also comforting to be on the move again. The constant politicking, the infighting and intimidation tactics that come with running the Inquisition makes my skin itch and sometimes I feel ten years older than I ought to. The wilds are different. Things are simple out here. I feel like I could be simple out here.

So let me say this simply; you have lost any and all right to call me cruel. I poured my words into a hundred letters only because I could not say them to your face. Because you left.

You left me.

Twice.

You ask what my letters contained? They contained my heart, my pain, my confusion at being discarded like a broken doll after everything we shared with one another. They contained each and every question you never gave me the chance to ask you and, yes, many contained my love. It is only because of the depths of my love that your absence hurt so deeply - continues to hurt so deeply. I hope that this satisfies your curiosity.

However, if we must talk about cruelty, let’s talk about the wolf in the room. Why, in all these years, have you never spoken to me in my dreams, as we both know you can? Do you think I do not see the wolf, the glowing eyes in the darkness? Do you think I am so naive as to not wonder what force hunts the demons that haunt my sleep? I would know you in any form, Solas. I would know you in pitch blackness. For years I have waited for you to speak, to attack me, to lay your head on my lap, to do something. But to no avail.

So we sit in silence. Except that I broke the silence. There is a crack in the dam and all the carefully cultivated parts of us that I have stored away are pouring out.

I do not truly expect you to answer my questions. I know that this is my fault. I opened the wound again and rubbed salt in it myself. I hope that, despite my enraged ramblings, you believe me when I say that I didn’t want to hurt you. Honestly, I did not believe myself to be capable of hurting you anymore.

How did it come to this, Vhenan? How did we become people that hurt one another so intimately?

You do not have to respond. I cannot decide if I hope you do or not.

Yours, Amala Lavellan

Again, Solas began his ritual of pacing, reading, drinking and remembering. He committed each character to memory. His whittling lay forgotten on the patio as he poured himself into you again and he was so engrossed in his task that he didn’t even notice the second letter until it fell against his shoulder.

Dear Solas,

I lied. Of course I hope you respond.

The very next day, Solas sent his intricately folded paper bird through the fade, whispering words of power into its wings as his hands quivered. He watched it vanish, breathing in the sweetness of the flowers and wishing, not for the first time, that he could be someone else. Just for a moment.

Vhenan,

I do not know what to say. There are no answers I can give that will soothe the pain I have caused you, and the answers I do have are likely to be unsatisfactory, but they are yours. I owe you at least that much.

The short answer is, at the start I did not intend to visit your dreams. It was an accident. After our meeting in the Crossroads, when I stripped the anchor from you and you learned of my true nature I was…drained. Magically, physically and emotionally I had very little left in reserve and I simply had to stop and rest. Even in the fade my body is still subject to the whims of any ordinary man, though I often neglect it, and so I eventually needed to sleep. I cannot say for certain why I drifted. I am generally more on guard against such things but, regardless, that night I drifted and I found myself somewhere unfamiliar. I am almost always a wolf in my dreams and so, finding myself in new and uncertain territory, I did what any wolf would do; I followed a familiar scent. By the time I realised what had happened, it was too late.

No, I suppose that is not entirely true. I could have left, but I wanted to see you. I figured that my longing, my desperation for knowledge of you may have caused the drifting and thus, if I could confirm for myself that you were safe and happy, it might stop. I had assumed that, if I was careful, I might be able to pass unnoticed. I just wanted to know that you were well.

It was a beautiful dream, Vhenan. I have always wanted to ask, where were we? The woods were unfamiliar, but you seemed so…at peace there. I watched for longer than I ought to have. When you saw me…ah, but it was too late by that stage. Rather than slaking my desire to be near you, seeing you so free, so relaxed and happy, it only made things worse. I could not hold myself back from drifting, and I did not try particularly hard.

I have never spoken to you because, despite all evidence to the contrary, I do have a very well developed sense of self preservation. My selfish actions have done enough damage to us both as it is.

I hope that you find whatever it is that you are looking for on your travels with Thom Rainier. Perhaps now my reluctance to accept him back into the fold after his lies came to light makes some sense to you. Regardless, he is a good man. I am alone as well, though I imagine that that is less unusual for me than it is for you, Inquisitor. I will not bore you with specifics, but I am somewhere beautiful and I am safe. Please, be on your guard on your travels, my heart. It is a dangerous world out there.

Like I said, I will always respond when you call. I will always answer when you write. It is beyond my power to do anything else.

Yours, Solas

Ps. You are the only living soul that still has the power to hurt me, Amala. That will never change.

As he wandered through the fade, leaving the comfort of the clearing behind and beginning the long journey back to his lighthouse, Solas turned one specific part of Amala’s letter over in his head.

How did it come to this, Vhenan? How did we become people that hurt one another so intimately?

What a poignant, piercing question. Had he not asked himself the very same thing countless times? Had he not laid awake at night, wrestling with what to do, how to feel, how to move forward? Of course, they were aligned in this. Of course, she felt it too. To hear his own helplessness reflected back at him in her words and know that she was struggling alongside him was…it was a bitter, bitter comfort.

He longed for Felassan, for Mythal, for the counsel of those who knew every part of him. They would be able to put words to the tangle of emotions swirling in his chest. They would be able to see through the fog and guide him towards the proper path. They would know if what he was doing was right.

But Mythal was dead. Felassan was dead. He had killed them both and now he must walk alone.

[galadrieljones]

Thank you for this. It's very interesting and measured. It's just what I was hoping for, which is an argument from the perspective of Thedas and the universe, and, as a fiction writer, what I would call the "handwaving" tendencies of this whole thing. I never understood how anyone could actually know what it would mean to take down the Veil, other than Solas. I always assumed I was just missing something, but you've made it clear that I am, in fact, not. It literally is just that "handwaved."

I also am so glad you mention Ameridan and Jaws of Hakkon as I find Ameridan to be so interesting, as a character who believed in both the elven gods and the Maker, and also who had a spirit companion. The Ameridan/Telana romance, and Ameridan's whole tragic plight in which he bound himself to a god for 800 years, disappearing without a trace and leaving his beloved dreamer to die awaiting his return, has, to me, always foiled the thematic points of Solavellan. I love that whole DLC because the environment is extremely strange and beautiful, and I do remember how often it was mentioned that the Veil was basically as thin as tissue. Even Sera comments on it. If you bring both her and Solas, he asks her if she can feel how thin it is, and at first she bristles as usual, but then she sort of...drifts off...lost in the strangeness. I hadn't thought to link it to what the world might be like without the Veil, so this is very good.

My perspective on this has changed over the years, and so this is why I'm seeking out alternate theories. Today I am bringing my point of view, which is based mostly around the characterization of Solas. I used to think the only catharsis worthy of his character would be for him to make a choice to live in the new world, which he created, as a mortal man. Like sleeping in the bed you make, and that the very act of choosing a "normal" life is what would make him happy. But this was before I knew about the whole Mythal thing, and about the fact that he would have to bind himself to the Veil using his own blood. While I will admit there IS a narrative catharsis in there somewhere, I am torn, because I think that, essentially Solas, as a sort of monstrous character who is grappling desperately with his desire to be loved for who he is, has suffered enough.

On that note, one thing I've noticed in my second playthrough of Veilguard is that the dialogue choices for Rook in the Fade are persistently obstinate to Solas's finer points and show a lack of compassion overall. I usually play as compassionate characters in these games. I played as a very compassionate Lavellan, and this is why, when it comes to the romance angle, I have been drawn to other compassionate characters, like Solas and Emmrich. Rook displays a persistent unwillingness to lend Solas any sort of benefit of the doubt during their conversations, despite only knowing what Varric has told her, and while I do like Varric, I think he displays a fundamental misunderstanding of what Solas is trying to do. I think that Rook is trying to appear strong in front of Fen'Harel, and so I tend to forgive her, but she would have been better off talking to Dorian or Inquisitor Lavellan, in addition to Varric, in order to get a more informed perspective on Solas's situation. Even Morrigan defends Solas's decision to build the Veil, as she says that the world would have drowned in the blight without it, essentially casting Solas as a savior in his own flawed right. Despite this, it does seem that no matter what, the writers of Veilguard are EXTREMELY reluctant to allow Rook to sympathize with him in an open manner.

This is true for all of the companions, btw, except for Davrin, who is the only one that vocalizes support for Solas's decisions during the rebellion at all. He does this during one of the Regrets quest meetings, and it was such a rare revelation, to hear someone basically say, "I get what he did, and I agree with it," that on my first playthrough, I thought Davrin was perhaps an undercover Agent of Fen'Harel. The rest of the companions are either overly hostile toward Solas (at worst) or simply display zero thoughts on the matter (at best). It feels as if (some of) the writers are actively trying to get us to work against him by making it impossible for Rook to agree with him, even as he is clearly the most interesting, layered character in the franchise. Most players, in my experience, sympathize with Solas on a personal level, even if they do not sympathize with his desire to tear down the Veil.

It feels to me like a battle of the wills in the writer's room, as half the writing wants us to feel deeply for Solas and his tragic plight with Mythal, and the other half wants us to see him as just this devious, asshole villain. In Solavellan, we are of course capable of doing both lol, and so I have cherished our perspective on the matter. In observing Rook's behavior with Solas in the Fade, which lacks a dynamic range of choices, it seems to me that there is a fear that Solas may actually be TOO convincing on his own, and that the game must work against him in order to "complicate" him as a Bad Guy. I think his character IS too strong, and it overpowers all of that, seemingly without trying. I am eager to agree with him on all counts, granted I am shameless in that way, but I think that many players, especially players new to the franchise, would have at least benefited from a greater understanding of his plan. It felt, in some ways, like a great deprivation.

Something I've noticed, too, is this pattern with Solas's behavior, and his treatment, mainly: this willingness of others to milk him for wisdom when it suits their needs, but to disregard his concerns when they become too inconvenient, or when they are simply based on his personal outlook on the world. Rook goes to Solas for advice and guidance but then will not commit to trusting him or endeavor to try and understand his personal motivations at all. Why? Why would you trust someone to give you tactical advice whilst remaining unwilling to entertain their personal perspectives on the world? Even if you disagree with them. This is actually the exact premise of the book Silence of the Lambs, in which Agent Clarice Starling seeks guidance from cannibal Hannibal Lector in her pursuit of a serial killer. She visits him in a mental institution, separated by bulletproof glass with a huge chip on her shoulder, projecting herself with great authority at first, but over time, she finds herself opening up to him, even sympathizing with him, not in overt ways, but in small ways, which come about when he shows her a small amount of compassion, or when he sees into her soul in ways that others cannot, and they realize how, in some distant, allegorical landscape, they are the same. (Aside: The plot of Veilguard is, I think, when taken in a vacuum, very good. It's a unique perspective taken from many old tropes, but it is simply not executed with gravitas, in my opinion.)

Returning to the pattern, in which characters take advantage of Solas without entertaining his point of view: Mythal was the grand master of all this. She exploited his wisdom for her causes, and then the moment he, himself, developed a cause of his own, she ridiculed and shamed him, as if he had betrayed her. Lavellan, however, breaks the pattern. She goes to Solas simply to talk, to get to know him, which shocks him, that someone would simply enjoy spending time with him, or that they might want him for who he is rather than for what he can do. He falls desperately in love with her, which is a testament to how parched for support he has been in his life, despite his extraordinary utility as a tool for knowledge.

What I'm getting at is this: In my second playthrough, and given all the information I have, I think that Solas is probably the only person we can trust to actually make this decision about the Veil, and while I am not entirely sold on the purity of his motivations, because they are all mixed up with Mythal and a great deal of psychological damage, I want to hear him out, and I agree that, based on everything that's happened in the last two games, and the shaky question of Solas's mortality, the falling of the Veil is actually inevitable, and that maybe we should have just let Solas do it his way, as gently as possible. However, it seems that the writers, or at least SOME of them, are unwilling to let us even so much as entertain Solas's point of view, because I think there was a certain fear that too many players would have agreed with him. It's almost as if they wrote themselves into a corner with Solas. They made him TOO interesting, too convincing, but then they realized that they were ultimately unwilling (or perhaps unable) to see all that through to its natural end. I understand, in some ways, as the game seemed extraordinarily difficult to get off the ground. It makes me wonder what could have been, so of course, I am thankful for fan fiction and fan perspectives at this time, and I'll just continue to enjoy the game for what it is: fun as hell to play, sort of preposterous in some ways, but with enriched environments and personal quests, and a "good" ending for the ship of my life.

In the end, and because I need to stop rambling, this is my basic takeaway: When Lavellan says to Rook, straight to her face, "There was a time I would have followed [Solas] anywhere," I believe that maybe Rook should trust her, as she knows Solas better than anyone. If she was ready to follow him to the ends of the earth and the destruction of the Veil ten years ago, and she loves him to this day, and she is, in fact, as heroic as they say she is, then well, maybe she had a good reason.

Looking for a good post on why we should just let Solas tear down the Veil. I'm just interested in the perspective.

I know I saw a few arguments for this maybe a couple weeks back. But I have no idea where they went or who wrote them.