#i look like shit i feel like shit everythings fuck awful and im a horrible person incapable of anything worth a shit

[the-kipsabian]

im just unhappy scratch that the more i think about it the more im just straight up miserable and dont want to be here anymore

[hecksupremechips]

Idk how to even talk to anyone anymore when it’s just the same thing in a loop over and over

[bedoballoons]

Awe thank you!! I hope you're having a great night/day as well!! I've never written anything like this before so I hope you enjoy it!! Thank you for your request!!

─⊰⁠⊹ฺ❄️𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤⊰⁠⊹ฺ❄️

{༻~Hes mine~༺}

CW: Fem! Reader! Readers friend tries to sleep with character, reader is described as normally being sweet and kind, cursing and slight simping on the characters part for their possessive girlfriend~

(Includes: Lyney, Tighnari, Xiao, Wanderer, and Freminet!)

𑁍༄Lyney:

"She doesn't have to know Lyney. It could just be our little secret~"

You felt your face heat up to your ears, anger spiking in your heart...you knew your best friend had their eyes on him for awhile now...but you never thought they'd actually try anything. You took a deep breath and threw open the door you'd been standing behind, making your friends almost jump out of their skin.

"Ah! H-hey bestie! How's it goin?"

You scowled at their voice, how dare they act like they hadn't been trying to get with Lyney just two seconds earlier. "How's it goin! IT WAS GOING REALLY NICE UNTIL YOU TRIED TO FUCK MY BOYFRIEND! HONESTLY ARE YOU SUCH A WHORE YOU HAVE TO TRY FOR EVERY GUY INCLUDING MINE?!?"

You stepped closer to them while Lyney shrunk back into the corner, his eyes wide with shock...and a light blush coating his cheeks. "Mon amou-"

"NOT RIGHT NOW LYNEY, IM CURRENTLY DEALING WITH THIS STUPID BITCH I USED TO CALL A FRIEND. ANSWER ME. DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO SLEEP WITH EVERY GUY YOU SEE? CANT KEEP IT IN YOUR FUCKING PANTS?"

"I...Im not a whore! You know if I had met him first, he would have picked me instead!"

"LEAVE RIGHT NOW. COME NEAR HIM AGAIN AND I WILL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU! GET OUT OF NY FACE AND SUCK SOME OTHER GUYS DICK!" You pointed to the exit, glaring at them as they ran out. It took a couple minutes for the room to settle, your heart pounding in your ears...when suddenly it dawned on you that you'd just acted like that...in front of Lyney. You turned to look him, surprised to see he was staring right back at you with this glazed over look, "Lyney...sorry you had to-"

"Do not apologise mon amour, just now I'm forever yours~"

𑁍༄Tighnari:

"Tighnari, please. I promise I'll make it fun~"

You felt your heart sink, rage making your hands ball up into fists...you'd always been so nice to them, you considered them your best friend and the second your back was turned they stabbed you in it. You shook your head, pushing the door flat against the wall as the noise reverberated throughout the house, "Well, well, well, if iT ISNT THE ROYAL BACK STABBER THEMSELF. SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOUR LITTLE FLIRTING SESSION WITH MY BOYFRIEND! DID YOU REALLY THINK HED GO FOR YOU?!?"

You looked at them with a glint in your eyes that could send people scrambling for safety, unaware that Tighnari was right behind you...watching you with his tail wagging aggressively behind him.

"You weren't supposed to find out! It's not my fault you walked in! And yeah, he could have gone for me! Do you see how you're acting right now friend!"

"ME? ACTING UP? REALLY? YOU JUST FUCKING ASKED THE PERSON IM IN LOVE WITH, THE PERSON I TOLD YOU I LOVED, TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU! AND IM ACTING UP? NO FUCK YOU, YOURE A STUPID BITCH AND YOU NEED TO NEVER COME NEAR ME OR HIM AGAIN OR I SWEAR ILL MESS YOUR FACE UP SO BAD, EVEN HUMPTY THE FUCKING DUMPTY CAN'T PUT IT BACK TOGETHER!"

You felt tears well up in your eyes as they slowly walked away from you...all those memories down the drain...and Tighnari not far away probably considering you a horrible person by now. "Tigh-"

"I love you too."

"I- what..."

"I. Love. You. Too. More then I think I can really express..."

𑁍༄Xiao:

"Awe Xiao, don't just say no right away, I have so many things to offer. I can show you everything she couldn't even think of~"

You slumped against the wall, feeling like you were about to throw up...of all the things you expected to hear as you walked up to your date with your boyfriend...your best friend asking to sleep with him wasn't one of them. It was like being punched in the gut..., "Wow..didn't even wait to make sure I wasn't around huh..."

You could hear your friend gasp, their demeanor instantly changing, "I-i don't know what you're talking about. I w-wasn't doing anything. Isn't that right Xiao? It just sounded bad!" You pulled yourself away from the wall, your anger bubbling inside of you as you looked at Xiao. He seemed surprised for some reason and it only egged you on, "Well Xiao?"

"They were trying to get me to break my loyalty to you. I would never fall for such things though. My desires are for you only."

"Xiao!"

You smiled evilly at your friend as the shouted at him, "Well look at that. I only have a few things to say to you. TAKE YOUR HORNY ASS BACK TO THE WHORE HOUSE AND LOOK FOR SOME HOOKER LOW LIFE INSTEAD. HE'S MINE AND EVEN IF HE WASN'T, HE'D NEVER FALL FOR YOU UGLY SELF! GO! NOW!" If steam could shoot out of your ears it would have. You could forgive so many things, but that wasn't one of them.

"I...fine! I never liked you anyway!"

They ran out the door, leaving you feeling like you needed to punch the wall..., "How did I ever become friends with them....Xiao you oka- mph!" You blushed madly as he interrupted you with a kiss. His lips meeting yours as he pulled you close to him, you could feel his heart racing and the warmth radiating off of him. He wouldn't even let you pull away till you were gasping for air, "X-xiao?"

"I don't really understand this feeling...but I liked seeing you fight for me. It made me want to kiss you..."

𑁍༄Wanderer:

"I could turn you into my own little brat baby boy, don't you want that~"

It felt like a switch flipped in your mind as those words left your friends mouth...your normally nice sweet personality gone cold and bitter. To think you'd taken the chance to friend this person..."Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the only one who can call him that is me. In fact, pretty sure since he's MY boyfriend you shouldn't even be trying to fuck him. That just isn't who you are is it."

"I wasn't going to-"

"Wanderer, hush." You stared daggers at your ex friend as they backed towards the exit, their hands shaking with fear. "Trembling are you? IS IT CAUSE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN ME ANGRY? CAUSE HONESTLY, IVE NEVER FELT THIS MUCH RAGE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE SO CONGRATULATIONS FOR FINDING A WAY TO PISS ME OFF THAT BADLY. FUCK YOU!"

"Look just calm down, he said no anyway alright. I was just kidding! If I wanted to fuck him I would have by now!"

"WOW. YES YOU WERE DEFINITELY JOKING, IS THAT WHY YOU WERE TRYING TO PRESS UP AGAINST HIM?! IM NOT A IDIOT BUT CLEARLY YOU ARE. NEVER. TOUCH HIM. AGAIN! FUCK OFF!"

They slipped outside, leaving you alone with your breathing uneven and your face bright red. You were never one for yelling or cursing and in seconds someone you called a friend changed that...

"That was hot."

Your eyes shot open as you spun around. Wanderer was leaning against the wall, smirking at you under the brim of his hat, "I never would have guess my girlfriend could get so nasty. I'll only say this once, but I like seeing you loose your shit. Kinda a turn on~"

𑁍༄Freminet:

"Don't worry, I like when guys are shy in bed and she will never find out~"

"I-i said no. Leave me alone."

You bit your lip, listening to the fear in Freminets voice...the flirty tone in your friends. It was like some type of twisted joke, the ones that make your skin crawl...not only were they hurting you even though your were their best friend, but going after a taken guy who wasn't the best at defending himself in social altercations...that was a whole different kind of low.

"You should probably take the hint. He said no. That means no. He's not a cheater and he doesn't want you." You revealed yourself from your hiding spot, taking satisfaction in the suprise painted on your friends features. Did they really think they were going to get away with it...did they really think he'd sleep with them?

"How long have you been there?!"

"Long enough to see who you really are and I hope I never have to again. Neither of us want anything to do with you now. Take fucking flirty words and advances and go find someone just as terrible as you to sleep with instead!" You threw their bag at them, standing in front of Freminet protectively as they glared at you.

"It's fine, I didn't really want him anyway! You two can keep eachother!"

You watched them leave, your body shaking with anger..."How fucking dare they..."

"A-are you okay?"

You looked at Freminet, shocked to see him staring back at you with a blush that matched your own...he couldn't look at you in the eye..."Yes I'm alright...are you?"

"I-im better then alright. I feel very w-warm. Thank you for defending me...but even if you hadn't shown up, I never would have been with them. I...I only like you."

"I only like you too Freminet."

ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚~Have a nice day!~*⁠.⁠✧

[altf4d3lete]

EPISODE TWO

- “maybe it’s one of your classmates” erm or maybe it’s your fucking son and you just decided to ignore the fact that he could be a Hyde too because you didn’t want that to be true

- Weems trying so hard to protect the school. Love her even tho she’s controversial

- Bro wednesday is better than me bc if Rowan walked in smiling at me like that I would have actually lost my shit right then and there

- “Was it to gain attention” what a horrible therapist wtf

- Why does this therapy session feel like a fight omg

- EW TYLER. Sorry.

- Court ordered therapy how badly did you fuck Xavier up bro

- “I believe you” i wonder why bro you’re so manipulative

- ENID MY BBG 😭 “i will literally scratch my own eyes out” “i would pay money to see that” and enid just whips around with a huge smile THEYRE SO CUTE

- HUH??? BY EPISODE TWO THING IS GIVING ENID NECK MASSAGES THATS CRAZY

- Enid not being mean about Rowan being alive unlike SOMEONE (Xavier)

- Yoko looks so done im sobbing

- The gentle rejection from Wednesday and Enid taking it with no issue

- ENID’S WINK

- Is the choir only sirens

- THE FAINT BARKING AFTER SHE SINGS THE NOTE DOGS CAN HEAR

- “Ever shot a bow and arrow” “only on live targets” proceeds to mansplain how to shoot a bow he’s so annoying I can’t stand Xavier im sorry

- She HATES him it’s so funny

- EUGENEEEE

- poor guy aw she just left him there

- There’s just casually a severed hand running through the train station

- THE WAY SHE SLAMS XAVIER’S SPIDER IS SO FUNNY

- Xavier is so awkward sitting between his ex and his crush AND they’re beefing

- Sheriff Galpin is kinda annoying

- HELP ENID BEING SASSY BC THING IS MAD

- Not her coaching wednesday on thing

- “go apologize” “yes ma’am 😐😕”

- Imagine losing your family to a pink sparkly werewolf

- Awww her opening up to thing is so cute

- COUGHS her GREATEST FEAR is being responsible for something terrible and y’all r saying she’d be okay dating someone who was going to help genocide her classmates that’s crazy.

- “I can’t let that happen”

- Y’all she was genuinely concerned abt being the reason the school is in trouble

- Her crushing Eugene about Enid is crazy

- Tyler is so manipulative holy shit

- God she trusted Laurel that sucks so much

- Sigh she can relate to Laurel and that sucks so bad

- I feel so bad for her the one adult she felt like could understand her

- Damn Xavier is so argumentative towards Bianca wtf

- Wednesday was so mad about Bianca cheating to hurt Enid

- MY POOR BABY CRYING ENID :((

- SHES JOINING FOR ENID BE FR WEDNESDAY. YOURE MAD ABT BIANCA’S COMMENT TOWARDS ENID

- I love how they’re always attached at the hip

- WEDNESDAY PUT ON A CATSUIT FOR ENID BE FR EARS AND EVERYTHING

- Enid just not being afraid by Wednesday’s threats

- The way nearly getting beheaded by an axe in the poe cup is just normal

- Enid trusting Wednesday to get the flag

- YES GIRL BREAK THEIR BOAT ENID

- The way she’s way faster than Xavier and Ajax because they got there before and she’d practically caught up with them by the time they got to the crypt (she took a shortcut nvm)

- Goody my bbg 😞

- Xavier getting so mad abt losing is crazy bro literally fell off his seat

- AND YELLING “CHEATERS” HELP

- WWWD I love you enid

- YEA THING PUNCH THAT MF FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND

- ENID WAITING TO RUN TO THE FINISH LINE FOR WEDNESDAY TO HOLD THE FLAG TOO IM ILL

- AND THEM HOLDING IT TOGETHER

- ENID LITERALLY SIDE HUGGING AND SHAKING HER AND WEDNESDAY DOESNT CARE

- they’re so cute

- With how far wednesday went from the quad and how quick enid found her, enid probably immediately went looking for Wednesday after noticing she was missing

- The way she’s hugging Wednesdays arm is so cute

- And the way wednesday looks at enid awww

- WEEMS BEING MORTICIAS COPILOT AND WEDNESDAY BEING ENIDS THATS SO CUTE

- “Ah yes. Me, my gf, and her 5 foot tall trophy”

- Why did she write everything in caps except the “i”s

- The ol’ Addams family snap

- Damn bro got kidnapped that’s crazy

[traegorn]

i say this with as much openness as im capable of. why is everyone so eager lately to defend christianity. i dont actually need to have a history degree to be able to see that christianity is Bad For Everyone. i can see it when i look out the window. the great commission is colonialism writ large.

the GOAL of christianity is genocide, eliminating as many other religions as possible in the pursuit of mass conversion. HOW are people deciding that *this* of all religions needs some kind of "well not ALL missionary work is physical violence" hedging. what is going on. im so frustated because i have seen up close and personal the death cult that it is and to see so many people screaming "nuance!!!!" about the closest thing to a full blown Sauron Level Religion Of Evil makes me feel like im in a twilight zone episode

So I disagree with your fundamental principle that all Christians have that goal. Certainly a large potion, including the politcally powerful Evangelical movement has that approach. And I'm all for calling it out and pointing at it when it happens. And I usually have no problem with people saying "Christianity does [X-Horrible Thing]" when we're really talking about "[Major portion of the politically powerful right wing Christianity] does [X-Horrible thing]."

But here's the fucking thing - what I'm here for is being fucking accurate.

You want to talk about how awful the crusades were? Great. How missionary work is colonialism? Of course it is. But people have just made shit up, and guess what -- I'm going to fucking debunk it when I find it, and I have no patience for misinformation just because it lines up with an ideology that makes someone "comfortable."

Deal with it.

And the reason some people scream "nuance" (not all, I'm sure some are just looking for a way to excuse something) is because NUANCE IS FUCKING IMPORTANT. Black and white thinking is never helpful. Understanding that things can be both positive AND negative at the same time is important. Understanding the world is complex is important. Because guess what, some day you might find that something you find is good and has value is actually bad. But black and white thinking could prevent you from recognizing it, because you're incapable of understanding the good parts don't justify the bad parts.

Like say a missionary does tangible good in a community. They are also doing real harm there too. How do you convince someone who only sees the good that they're harming people if they're just looking at it in black and white thinking? How do you make them understand if they can't see the nuance of the situation?

Likewise, if you can't see nuance, you can't make incremental change in society. Not all changes are sweeping, and sometimes making something a little bit better is more progress than doing nothing. But black and white thinking leads folks to rejecting the ideas that could make things better right now.

Sometimes you need to build the well to keep people from dying of thirst, and evaluate where that well came from afterwards. And sometimes you need to see that what's being offered has consequences, and you might not know to say no unless you look harder.

Life is fucking complicated, and if we don't recognize that, we fuck everything up.

[screechingsandwichhologram]

my amrev ocs if they had tumblr

🌓 dressedsword

HOLY SHIT PAUL REVERE JUST RODE THROUGH TOWN HOLY FUCK ITS HAPPENING

🪁 kiterrrrr Follow

why r you blogging and not fighting. fake ass

🌓 dressedsword

bitch i'm a fucking woman. can't exactly pull up to fort william and mary in stays now can i

🐴 pennsylvaniarifle Follow

not if ur coward

35 notes

🐏 tumblefarmer

man we kicked their fucking assesss let's goooo !!! first fight of rebellion woooo !!!

👒 spindledpoet

..... i'm glad you made it back home but not sure we should be celebrating the beginning of what certainly will become a war

🌓 dressedsword

john shut the fuck up ur just salty sam trampled ur flowers on his way out of the house

5 notes

🌺 massalilly Follow

FIRST SHOTS FIRED IN LEXINGTON AND CONCORD HOLY SHIT

🐏 tumblefarmer

WHAT THE FUCK MASSHOLES RUIN EVERYTHING

17,756 notes

👒 spindledpoet

hey guys is coughing up blood normal

💦 pantingmanthing Follow

NO???

👒 spindledpoet

damn

12 notes

👣 sandyfootprints Follow

god war fucking sucks. first day on the job and im spitting out some dudes blood. he probably had a wife. cant even drink bc they told us not to

❣ crimsonfingerlicking

yummy

👣 sandyfootprints Follow

why am i on tumblr

67 notes

🐏 tumblefarmer

guys. i really really really wanna join the war. is that a good idea. my cousin is ill and his sister is unmarried but i cant just stand by. i cant leave them but i must fight for my homeland and for the freedom my ancestors were promised

🫡 kissingcontinental Follow

join us we need men so so bad plsss

🪶 writerlover Follow

fight to build a better tomorrow for your family

🐏 tumblefarmer

okay im doing it!!! going down to mass this weekend

23 notes

🌓 dressedsword

hey so like. is. is. do we think that. maybe in the new country we could like. idk . maybe uhhh. give women rights?

1 note

🐏 tumblefarmer

guys war sucks ass its so fucking boring im just sitting in camp. a guy just fucking sneezed in my food. i hate it here

🌹rosedlionheart Follow

thats what you yankees get for picking a fight with the strongest army in the world

🐏 tumblefarmer

doesnt ur king piss blue

784 notes

🫶 letteredolley Follow

damn my fav dress maker is too sick to make me a new dress :// fuck my life

🐓 kickerchicker Follow

girl we are in the middle of a war that is Not the thing to worry about

💋 marieantoinette Follow

god forbid women do anything

🥖 lalanterne Follow

wrong dash. ur time will come

1,789 notes

🕯️carpediemcandled Follow

aw fuck the cute boy that was stationed near me just fucking died from camp fever </3

🕯️ carpediemcandled Follow

he was so cute too :// a french canadian farmer from new hampshire that was like. super into sheep and goats. he was super clumsy too. but like in a cute way

🕯️ carpediemcandled Follow

aughhhh :((( i was going to bring him one of my nice candles :(((

10 notes

🌓 dressedsword

FUCK

0 notes

👒 spindledpoet

yknow that feeling you get when you look at your reflection and you feel like you are going to throw up

🙏 universalfriend Follow

yes

👒 spindledpoet

thanks

7 notes

❣️crimsonfingerlicking

is there.... money? in war

🦁 redbloodedredcoat Follow

dm me

2 notes

🦋 painfulpoet Follow

@ spindledpoet are you , okay??

👒 spindledpoet

i have a horrible thing inside me that i understand now but i can not continue. i am dying.

👒 spindledpoet

please do not let them forget that i was among you

9 notes

👒 spindledpoet

i am making a dress. i must finish it. it will be the best yet. it will be my last one. delphine needs the dress. she needs the dress. i need the dress

1 notes

🦋 painfulpoet Follow

@ dressedsword hey is ur brother okay?

🌓 dressedsword

he is very ill and delirious often. our cousin has died in the war. i have little means of supporting us and he is too sick to leave the bed. when he is aware he cries and writes. his handwriting has spoiled

🌓 dressedsword

he is not for long. he will be gone before any letter or parcel of yours will travel the atlantic. i am sorry

4 notes

👒 spindledpoet

i don't want to hurt my sister but delphine is waiting for me

0 notes

🌓 dressedsword

gonna log off for a bit

1 notes

🌗 designedpamphlet Follow

shit. i'm fucking doing this

0 notes

[3point14a]

HAHAHHAHAHA IM SORRYYYYYYYY SHES STRAIGHTTTTTTTTTTTT but also you wont ever guess what i say every time i draw her

her being straight is FUNNY ENOUGH relevant to her story. and i think thats hilarious. token straight and she's gnc, hilarious

AGSHIAOHSGJojakljagh ok so like... ok so like robin info out of my chest BEFORE i get sent to no power hell again: RRRROBINNNN is 25!!!!! i have another finished thing with her here and she is best friends with vincent AKA Owynn's older brother. The reason her relationship with chica is so strained because she and chica both had the same passion. Robin used to LOVE designing and making clothes and dedicated all of her life to it. and then suddenly one day she just stopped enjoying it.

She stopped enjoying every single aspect of it, she got burnt out and bitter and resented that something that she once saw as her lifes purpose now felt so utterly awful and that she couldn't do anything to fix it at all. Chica!!! is still going strong!! And it feels awful to see someone be filled with so much passion just like she was, she's envious and she's bitter that chica gets to enjoy it while she spins a wheel to find out what to do with her life now that she has lost such a big part of it. Chica is still her sister and she loves her but MAN it feels horrible to see her enjoy something she lost. Something that she GOT from Robin. On the other side of the coin Chica is scared shitless to end up like robin, absolutely terrified of being similar and also burning out to hell and losing something so big to her, and that doesn't really help with the whole lack of closeness

Robin has a lot of shit in her noggin, lost her passion in life for seemingly no reason, her dad dying (yeah their dad is dead, hence chica being half siblings with eak haha me when i remarry), and gender but in a weird cis way She hates looking femenine and she hates her curves and her chest and absolutely everything about it so she went "ok so i must be trans. or gay. or something" and then she wasn't! and that fucks her up! because she feels like it's easier to explain how she feels about this stuff if she had a community to fall back into, but she's just a straight woman who feels like no man ever will ever want to get into a serious relationship with because she simply does not "look like one". And does not intend to revert back into looking like one. rip anyways another reason why they are sort of tense around eachother is because all of that made Robin very prone to just have a billion breakdowns and yell at chica sometimes

very low quality drawing but yeah your sibling going through ten million identity hoops and being emotionally unstable leaves a BIT of a lasting impression on you She's a lot happier now, she got to take her chest out, and cut her hair and draw a beard on herself and she likes how she feels! There's still shit on the back of her head going "you'll never get a job as a doctor and you'll never find love if you dont revert back to looking at least a little femenine" BUT SHES BIG TIME IGNORING THAT

uh really strong change of tone but here's some extra stupid fake tweets of her because i think she's silly, also she and vincent have opposite bangs and i think thats so silly ur grown adults what are you doing matching

loops divulged the secret playlist (/JOKE) so ill just put it here why not im a free man

[bugsinthebayou]

NOT HIS WINGS!!! endeavor you bitch...

it's about the au where they're friends and keigo becomes close with the family. like fuck! fuck you endeavor

i am pretty sympathetic to him at times, not in a way where i like. forgive him or whatever. but i do like imagining him realizing he has fucked up and has been a fucking monster. and it came to mind just. him by some chance seeing a scar on hawks. remembering it. remembering all the other shit he has done and just. being absolutely fucking. tormented by it forever. but that's just sorta my own desire to torture old awful men like some sort of demon lmao

god shouto thinking of keigo as a brother... would he start thinking of keigo first when older brothers a mentioned? like first keigo, then toya? would he feel guilty for it, with how much keigo Does Not Want toya to be forgotten?

i feel like there would be tension with fuyumi. like, she wants her family to be alright. she wants what there once was before anything went wrong and keigo... keigo is like a constant reminder that it's not. this is just. uh how to say. personal outlook tho? like idk fuyumi is pretty stubborn to stick around even after everything and she is as forgiving as she is imply willing to. close her eyes and ignore shit yknow? to me, i mean. and i feel like with keigo that would be... uncomfortable sometimes. and they'd both be aware of it, but never take action

hawks joining the league for real my beloved... and him being so fucking torn because like. he doesn't want to replace toya!!! he does not! but dabi looks so much like him and feels like him and stuff...

but also hawks completely not seeing that IT IS toya because his memory of toya is very idealistic, very dead wife in a movie montage esque. and dabi is real. annoying at times. cranky at times. argumentative and mean sometimes, in a way that isn't fun. they'd clash and hawks wouldn't think it's toya because toya is like. perfect in his mind. fuck. fuck, your au is so good. and youre so fucking right todorokis are Not utilized in such aus At All

- 🦸‍♂️

OUGHH YESSS... endeavor just has to Live with the horrible things hes done... he will live with regret for the rest of his life

YES ABSOLUTELY SHOUTO THINKS OF KEIGO FIRST,,, someone in 1-a mentions siblings and talks about their older brother and keigo instantly pops up in shouto's brain. he feels so guilty hehehe

nodding nodding there is definitely tension with fuyumi. you're 100% right about everything u said. fuyumi is willing to immediately forgive endeavor for everything the moment he seems even slightly sorry. she's desperate for her family to be one happy functioning unit, and is willing to move on from touya and "forget" he ever existed. keigo is the exact opposite of that. he'll never forgive endeavor and will not stop until endeavor is brought to justice. he cannot move on form touya and will not move on. the two of them never outright argue, but their contact is pretty limited, especially in comparison to his contact with natsuo and shouto. they care about each other of course, but endeavor is a giant wall between them

YEAHHHHH YES EXACTLY!!! YOU'VE GOTTEN THEM DOWN PERFECTLY!!!! that is EXACTLY what ive been envisioning for the dabihawks dynamic yesssss. chewing on them aughh..

ive been thinking about possibly writing a fic for this au but im not entirely sure,, it could be fun

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

hii sorry if this is too venty or depressing or whatever but i really need help

ive been in a qpr with my partner nagisa for like 3 months (weve been friends before that for a few years) and i love him so much ive never wanted anyone in my life more than him. but i am deathly afraid of being a bad partner, and i am even more afraid of him leaving me for someone else even though i know thats not realistic.

he asked one of our ex friends if he could complain to them about something in private and for the rest of the day i felt anxious and sick and guilty like i just killed someone. i cut this friend off mainly because i was so jealous and spiteful (didnt say that tho i feel guilty) (also he was a really shitty person and made me really uncomfortable but it was mainly cuz i was jealous)

whenever im not talking to him my brain shouts to me that im ignoring him and im a horrible cold monster who just has him as a battery to feed my sick desires or whatever the hell that thing tells me at night. whenever i talk to him too much my brain shouts that i look desperate and clingy and i am annoying him hes probably sleeping! but it hurts less than feeling cold. so thats why i try to text him as much as possible. it almost feels like a compulsion, that im not actually texting him because i care and im talking to him so i personally dont feel like shit (ok that made me feel awful to type out but Fuck whatever)

i am not a bad person i really love my partner ive never loved anyone more than him hes the only person i really connect with on a deep level anymore and i think we genuinely have some sort of spiritual bond because of how often we share the same emotions and think the same thoughts at the same time. but i dont really believe in spirituality shit so whatever

he actually has the same issue (but seems to have figured it out better than me) with me and my friend, and it actually made me hate myself so much i have stopped talking to that friend because i dont want him to feel any percent of what i do. when he isn’t there to talk to me i feel alone and abandonded and like my arms have been cut off and like im living without a 3rd dimension. i feel like a normal person when im with him. he is the only thing keeping me sane. i would drop all my friends if he wanted me to

whenever im not talking to him i feel like im neglecting a bird in a cage even though i know he doesn’t need me that much

whats funny is that i dont worry about being a bad person in any other aspect of my life i literally do not give a fuck whether im a bad person because i always justify everything i do in my mind and i cant find a single bad thing ive done. other than the intentionally bad shit i did, of course, i did that stuff to kinda.. give myself something to feel bad for and so i dont feel like im fully a perfect person? hard to put into words

so yeah i guess you get the point! i really need some sort of advice. ive told him this but not really the full extent behind it, just the jealousy and vague mentions of the fear of being bad. i am worried that my anxiety of being a bad partner is leading me to be a bad partner

damn... okay i don't know a lot about this but it sounds like you might be developing a codependency. you should definitely communicate all of this to your partner so you can work together to lessen your anxiety. you also should probably go to therapy but i don't know if that is accessible to you right now. i'm sorry i don't have much else to say but hopefully someone in the replies can also help

[once-vel]

copy-pasted from my cohost. i have been doing some thinking and i thought to myself "what if zakri had dealt with the whole prophet deal better?" and i have come to the conclusion that he kills more people

under the cut because it's loooong.

instead of going through a hell of a years long emotional rollarcoaster he makes the connection of "if i say no velzie will just find another way to get me to do it, or they will make someone else do it, no chance in hell it would be that easy to circumvent all of this. plus there could be unimaginable consequences if i piss off velzie by saying no. so... no point in fighting, i guess" and starts working on being like, okay with it from the get go. except this time he actually gets somewhere with it. coming to terms with and accepting your very terrible fate speedrun

one difference between this timeline and the main timeline is his demeanor is entirely different. the emotional rollercoaster does not happen so his personality never really changes. he stays genuinely gentle and charismatic. he never adopts the rude and mean persona because. well what's the point? being generally likable is convenient. also something something "well i am going to do/have already done enough awful things, may as well be kind to those i can"

now i did say he kills more people. what better way to come to terms with your fate of god telling you to do things like this than, well, getting comfortable with hurting people? he sure would rather not be doing this but well gotta get it done somehow. it's pretty much always carefully planned and indirect, though. sucks! but whatever. you do what you gotta do. notably, he still becomes a surface runner, and the person he gets killed dies the same way, but in this timeline it was more intentional. hence why it doesn't Completely Shatter Him in this timeline.

anyway then collapse happens and the thing with unnamed kiv goes different. he wouldn't even slightly bother with getting them indirectly killed, no he does that shit directly and he does it without flinching. knew he'd have to do this and has already forced himself to comprehend how real everything is, so? just part of the job. something something "why are you doing this?? you used to be so kind..!" / "oh, if you knew why i was doing this, you would understand i am being as kind as i can"

he definitely would really absolutely rather not be doing all this but he's been much more successful at forcibly repressing every single feeling like that here, so. he also gets a little bit sadistic after a while (he is aware of this and has intentionally worked to make it worse). don't worry about it

also while he didn't have concrete proof he would die this timeline, i feel he would have been able to go "hm, my visions cut off after a certain point. i would not be surprised if velzie just decided to kill me at some point". and who knows? maybe this is one of the few timelines where he is allowed to truly survive. maybe velzie took his loyalty and rewarded it. not like it matters either way as this timeline never happens anyway. sure his loyalty is fun but it's nothing compared to making him suffer the whole time

i want to emphasize again that even in this route he's not like... horrible and evil. i mean he sure has done a lot more wrong in this timeline but it was still ultimately because velzie went "look at these horrible things im going to make you to" and he went "damn if velzie is telling me this then i probably dont get a choice. might as well make it easy on myself and fuck myself up in advance" and got to work. and he's kind here!! his kindness is genuine! he's not faking it! he genuinely wants the best for everyone. it's just that, you know, gestures to velzie

as with all other alternate universes/timelines though this is completely noncanon. i call this specific variety of timeline "what... could have been..?" (question marks included)

[residualmanifest]

having a good night got some important stuff done and about to lay down but also under read more is some grief talk and theres pics of AJ so pleas be careful thanks . #grief #suicide m (IM SAFE ! LOL . MENTIONED IN PASSING !)

i was looking at my friend folder finding somethign goofy to send a pal and i saw this and ;_; i never added my damn image on here ..... this card means everything 2 me still . a really funny bit thats transformed adn i think i would like to print it out . also this comic but this one really just tore me open ! lol !

im carrying it in my heart . AJ was really right with this comic . i miss you hon . it's weird right . like i just go days and days feeling like i'm non existent and i'm not even here the dissasociation is so bad and the only thing tahts helped ground me is talking about the good or bad of how im feeling with everything . im trying to hold it in and move but i mean . i just have no self awareness whether i'm actually Doing the job im trying to (shell everything inside) or if i'm just a mess and its spilling everywhere . i am trying to be more open and concise but its hard when i cant grasp !!! the concept of time LOL and shit ive said ! anyway . anyway . i love my friends . we were put on this earth to hang out and love . i miss AJ and its hard trying to find silver linings to 2023, like . meeting kitt and lynn ! fun birthday ! silverscream con ! got one of the best jobs ive ever had ! but i would trade all of it for march 23rd to have never happened .

it does not feel right trying to find a positive for last year, to be honest . i wish i could just let myself admit it was a horrible year . we lost AJ . i nearly got stabbed again, i was in an awful mental state and i felt drifted further apart from my sis and sil than i had in a while . while a lot of it got better, thankfully, there was just so much rotten there . i nearly attempted again, but i have a wonderful support system irl that i really need to use more . (love you ari and ide and naomh) with all of this said, i can only hope 2024 will be kinder . ive had a couple friends already get terrible news . 11 days in i've got some shaky things going on but man . man . lol enough trying to make positive out of it i just want to cry !!!!!! last year sucked !!!!! last year suuuuuucked ! FUCK last year !!!! THROWING A TANTRUM !!!!!! phew . okay . thank you for reading . i miss my friend . im grateful for the friends that are still around and understand the feeling .

[srlkiller]

ive realised that my self esteem & just general ‘sense of self’/love for myself is so awful & low.. horribly dependant & reliant on something or someONE else these days & i absolutely fucking loathe myself for ittttttt bc im beyond self aware.. yet ive jus never been loved my entire life by even my own parents to be shown that im worth a singular fuck so the bar is so low for humans��� i seemingly will jus allow the fucking worst bc i guess subconsciously that’s what ive always been taught/shown/drilled into me by my parents to believe that i deserve? wen i know it’s not at all bc literally NO ONE deserves to be treated like shit by another human being. i have trouble saying the words no to other people. i have a lot of trouble just standing up for myself these days.. especially the lonelier i get, the more isolated i have become & older ive gotten. i found comfort in being alone & definitely got to know myself sm better.. then i went thru horrible shit all over again & lost myself completely.. all over again.. & haven’t been able to rebuild myself back up since then.. ive only gone downhill.. over & over & over. i know that I AM the only one that inevitably can help myself & save myself.. i have to do the work & put in the effort etc etc but it’s so hard with absolutely ZERRROOO support system of any kind & feeling like you have nothing & no one.. not one family member.. not one pet.. nothing at all anymore. everything has been ripped from me, taken by force or by death itself. I’ve been broken sm times but now that ive finally been able to let someone in again on some kind of romantic level.. im terrified.. so im letting them jus walk all over me which is the total opposite of who I am & everything i stand for, emulate as a woman & my whole fucking energy as a being. i don’t recognise myself at all so ive totally seperated myself from whoever this is.. the body, the mind.. the soul. i numb every feeling n thought i can.. whenever i can. but wow just having this huge surgery & putting my body under such duress & jeopardy was lowkey such a wake up call bc wtf?! IVE NEVER DONE NO SHIT LIKE FHIS BEFORE FOR ANYONE ELSE?!?! AND FOR WHAATTTT?!?! HE HAD THE PERF OPPORTUNITY TO DO EVERYTHING FHE RIGHT WAY N STILL FUXKED IT UP TO SATISFY HIS OWN SELFISH NEEDS.. so wtf am i doing? what am i doing risking myself for someone like that… i look stupid, feel stupid.. & could get left at any minute which would send me spiraling for someone who is quite frankly… not even close to what i need in a man or what ive ever wanted. im simply cheating myself out of a great self help story.. as i turn 29.. i reach my last year if my 20’s & I’ll b damned if i waste that shit on some young dumb n full of cum mf who doesn’t even give a fuck ab my health in any capacity who is probably lying n doing god knows what behind my back anyway… I seriously just need to put myself first.. just try.. I need to try. bc remember when I did? how proud I was? how it worked? it’s always worked. time to start writing goals n writing shit down again.. as we start approaching this date n it gets closer n closer.. on the 25/11/23 I’ll be 29 yall. it’s the 13/11/23 today. 11 days to get things in order. my goals don’t even need to be big I jus need to get things ‘in order’… ���ready for 29’ sounds like a cool lil title.. as my bday is pretty much leading into the New Year anyway it’d b cool to get a lil head start on others too. like the needles into my head for alopecia which I have an appt for jus before my bday.. lashes n brows I have that appt for.. i needa get my actual hair done somehow.. before nye!! change my piercings to cold & possibly get another?! more tattoos!! coverup of the Drake matching one for sure. Look into studying pharmacology or some other career pathway course.. possibly something with units I’ve completed already at uni?? i need to write a list.. basically is what I’m saying as some things are more easy fix small goals that are appearance self care based, some are medium level, some are mental, some are spiritual, some are academic, some will take

[whorewithagodcomplex]

sweetheart,

i love ya, but I'm not doing that for the rest of my life, no sir,

everyone knows not to marry into that, and its kinda common sense not to date someone with your type of addiction and just walk away, like we all know its never gonna work if youre constantly making your partner feel like shit because youre always lusting of the things you so desperately want, and yeah you may say that 'your're better, real, youre my love theyre just pictures, theyre just videos, ect) but we all know you wish it was them you could have when your gazing longingly and thirstly at those pictures, you create relationships with all these women, i just happen to be in person version added to the collection, its nasty, and its horrible knowing this will likely never change, cause its 'not that bad' its 'a comfort thing' 'i was alone for so long' and i have to live feeling like im always competing with them, i cant escape them, im so fucking tired of being paranoid that the person i love is going to always be looking at something more appealing, its awful, that constant pit in your stomach everytime hes lookin at a female character a little too closely, or when the girls are everywhere for him, camera roll, most social media, even his wallpapers on all devices, sure theres a photo of you two, sure as a homescreen but its really just a sunset photo and we're hidden in a low corner hidden by apps, and the never paying that close attention to you, you learn as much as you can about him listen to every word he says but doesnt care to know about you, with the exception of major plot points he knows nothing about what you like and why you like it, its either you rarely get a chance to speak, or youre perpetually cut off, or just simply ignored when speaking about yourself, but, he knows everything they say, knows every little detail, their backstories are phenominal and look how hot they are, he wont really say that to you anymore youve shown you dislike, but you know, you always know, so you try your best to be pretty and good enough to be wanted like he wants them, but you never get wanted like that, to be fair you never did, this was the first time someone is showing they love you and want you, but of course if i wasnt wantable before him what makes me wantable now? yknow all his needs are met by them and his ablilty to do so much with them that he feels no need to pay any mind to you beyond the physical and guidance, yeah he loves you, you know that hes shown that, but is it worth the mental and emotional exhaustion it takes to fight for a normal relationship? one where we both feel happy? i know theres no way he isnt miserable too, the contant bickering the anxiety of fucking up, but c'mon man, if you cope properly, like by speaking (without lashing out) to someone when things are too much, not falling further into an obsessive chemical pick-me-up addiction and honestly this sex obsession, youd do so much better, but you wont because its one of them hidden addictions that no one but your friends and people youre close to know about, by your choice, and you think that means its totally fine, because I'll stick around regardless right? cause i have this long and im making life plans with you and i love you more than youll ever know and as long as i dont see it' or notice it its fine, it wont kill me, youll keep going until im about to cut my losses and you promise and youll try you really will, but itll creep back and we'll be back at square one, or youll get better at hiding it from me, youre already pretty good at it now, ill bet money that if i got 3 hours and all your passwords id find cia sized files everywhere and id puke and cry myself to sleep for months, and i know youll only get better at it, and i dont want to be paranoid that your girls are still around my whole life, what kind of example am i setting for my daughters if i just let myself live like that, god id kill my son-in-law if he made her feel like that, honestly id kill him for most of the things youve done, so why am i letting it happen to me???

[despite-everything]

i dont even know what im going to write but huge trigger warning for issues related to self harm if you read this. i know i seriously need more psychological help but i dont even know what to do at this point. theres certain things i know that i need to do but feel like i cant and i feel like im sabotaging my future self but at the same time im doing so fucking horribly in the moment that i can barely think of anything beyond the present. like im trying so fucking hard to get better but literally just the tiniest change is setting me off these days. the barber cut my sideburns so they're basically shaved off and blunt whereas i prefer to have them come to a point so there is a little bit of hair under my glasses in front of my ears, but i forgot to tell it to the barber today so he cut that off. and i hate hate hate the way it looks and its a change i wasnt ready for and it freaked me out so much that despite doing all these fucking coping skills and breathing and shit that i spent more than a decade in therapy working on, i couldnt handle it. i guess this is where the trigger warning comes in and like i dont even know if im going to post this or not but i need to get it out there because this is just too fucking much but i freaked out and let myself break a bottle and then cleaned it up because usually breaking glass snaps me out of a downward spiral - its not the best thing to do but its usually a reliable last-ditch tool, but it did fucking nothing today and i fucking relapsed anyway. so i hurt myself pretty badly and then couldnt stop pacing and freaking out and pulling at my hair, and now ive calmed down a bit but still feel awful and now theres blood all over me and the floor and some even got on the wall in my apartment and i want to cry but i cant. i feel horrible and just want to crawl in bed but i dont want to get blood on the mattress and i know id soak through the streets, but i feel like i cant get clean yet and im really upset with myself and its this terrible feedback loop. and like i feel paralyzed. my computer was near where i ended up and now im trying to listen to music i love and im typing this out because i need to get it out smewhere or else im going to scream but like i cant even go pet my cat cause im fucking covered in blood and got it on my computer and everything about this is horrible and yet i still want to keep hurting myself. im not right now and im trying so fucking hard to get over this but like this is so bad. its just awful because i know progress isnt linear but i didnt think a relapse would be this bad. and i know i know i know that things can get better. but ive been like this since 2008 and it only seems to be getting worse and the world seems to be getting worse and i try so hard to be optimistic and focus on the good but i feel like im drowning all the time and its like the very most i can do is just not kill myself. im just so tired and so unhappy and yeah some things have been great lately but its only at work and everything else is so fucking horrible i dont know if i can handle it

[dynamicspacebud]

was just doing my moms dishes bc i felt bad for her when i just really started to dwell on how she is as a mother like WOW is she a SHIT mom and i mean that like my god she is awful. I don’t like to remember stuff like this or hold it in my head like how i really have to dig deep to re-remember all the ways my father is horrible but right now with her i don’t know i want to write down what i was thinking about. How less than a year earlier we had to change the locks on the door because he threatened to come even though she said no and i got really scared and started having terrible nightmares about him coming in and killing us and then she just surprise told me he is was coming over one day and completely disregarded my concerns and feelings about how i told her i felt uncomfortable and unsafe with him around she just did not care and was so selfish even though this was supposed to be my home too. Or how that night she was like I’m an adult i can have casual sex when i simply asked if he was staying the night and she was like i’m just being honest when i went wtf as though a year prior she didn’t blame me for him financially/ sexually abusing her for getting money for sex and she blamed me because i was using her credit card and not paying bills as though i wasn’t a teenager who didn’t even know any of this was happening i just got blamed. How could she even put that on me i knew then and now it wasn’t and had never been my fault but that’s such a sick thing to say honestly it makes my stomach curl. Her asking how and why my relationship with my father has to reflect and effect my relationship with her as though i didn’t write a whole fucking peer reviewed essay about how it does like how is she so fucking awful as a mother like i’m very glad i was born but god she should have never been someone to take care of someone else or anything else like how she also abandoned her cat when her boyfriend wanted her too. It’s so sick i don’t and never did deserve the terrible parents i have. I don’t want them. I cant wait to get to a place when i can genuinely never have contact with them again. Seeing and being reminded of it all holds me back i know that. I don’t want that. I cant have that. And every year in close and closer to breaking away. I’ll get there i know i will and i’ll never have parents i’ll only have s** and a***** but i’ll still watch bluey and cry cry cry because someone has those parents and that makes my heart warm enough. And maybe i’ll even be that parent one day. Mine are so beyond awful i will and can never be them it’s not even possible. I’m very lucky i got out i mean look at my shit brother that hateful bigot. Good for him tho he barley talks to them i wish i were him in only that way. They hurt him more than me and because he’s cishet and grew up in a rich highschool i think that’s why he turned out that way. I don’t know i want to say maybe he has changed but as a cop i know it’s impossible he has. I won’t have any contact to my immediate bio family. My uncle today asking me how long it’s been since i talked to my brother and me saying years. I mean often i genuinely forget i have a brother which is funny in a way because we lived together until i was like 19 it’s not even like we didn’t grow up together or he left when i was young. My mind just has such a strong way of blocking everything out. It’s for my own protection but i don’t know how good that is honestly. Like with hannah it did the same thing. Nes being like I REMEMBER how do you not ??? you were so close and i have to really think about it or see pictures or texts to remember and when i do it’s strong and im sad. I guess my mind doesn’t want me to be sad. But i don’t know i don’t think that’s a good thing. Not entirely. Ok funny enough im rewatching the 100 and they have kind of touched on this subject with raven not remembering finn and jaha not remembering his son but them being “happy” because they can’t feel the pain of losing them even though they don’t remember the happy and good stuff either. I think that’s kind of what my mind is

[everything-i-couldnt-tell-u]

i'm probably just going insane like usual. probably just can't remember all the time you've spent with me as sevy again that's why i'm going paranoid. i don't know what happened cause one day I just woke up and then feel like I'm back to the old crazy sevy that i worked so hard to change.

once again my eyes and mind are not working properly. everything you say or show me look like hints that you hate me to such an awful degree / you're replacing and leaving me soon. i'm not able to see who you truly are and what you truly feel towards me. right now what I see is someone who's going to cut me off everywhere and i'll never have any means to reach you anymore, that you'll do so without any explanation because obviously the only reason for you finally leaving is that you've gotten sick of how psychotic, paranoid, and insufferable i have been acting all these years. it's scaring the fuck out of me.

even after all the reassurance you've given me, hell i still go on obsessively hyper analyzing everything, disgustingly digging for anything that i can possibly claim as proof that you've left and replaced me no matter how much i've hurt and exhausted myself by doing so. AS IF YOU LEAVING ME IS WHAT I ACTUALLY WANT TO BELIEVE? AS IF IM BLIND AND I DONT SEE ANY OF THE TIME YOU'VE LITERALLY SPENT WITH ME??? no matter what you say or show me, my stupid head is still convinced that you've already replaced and stopped wanting me long ago, that you're only not telling me out of pity and bc you don't want to deal with me going insane since it will be an overwhelming drama.

has zero basis, no concrete proof, no sure evidence i know, but i'm delusional as fuck. my imagination is so wild that i'd connect any random dot to conclude you hate me. i had been collecting vague stuff to interpret as proof that you're literally trying to say you hate me, and this alone makes me feel like a crazy weirdo creep that you'll avoid.

i can't stop crying over arveil because i feel like i can never be what he meant to you. that you'll now go on and be with someone else who can be a good friend who's on arveil's level. someone who can bring happiness in your life instead of negativity. someone who will accept and support you lovingly, something i can barely do. someone you'd feel safe around, someone who can listen to you without making you feel like you're being judged, someone you can be yourself around with and not having to worry you'll get exploded at. someone you can actually have real fun with, something i'm too miserable and paralyzed to do.

i can't find any good reason you'd ever still keep me around, not after arveil is gone and all that's left of me is the same person who always blew up at you and wanted to cut ties every other month after going paranoid. the same person who has hurt you even when you didn't do anything to deserve it, the person who gaslit you into accepting and saying you love me even when i'm so toxic. me, sevy, who was sensitive to every little thing about you and required you to change who you are for the sake of not getting my insecurity and mental illnesses triggered. snapped at every little thing you said, justifying that it was offensive and disrespectful when in truth i was just insecure. treated you like such a horrible person when you just made human mistakes other people do. blamed you for the paranoia my pmdd makes me feel back when i was not yet aware of this goddamn disability. how i always took out the resentment and pain pmdd makes me feel on you. im not stupid i know how shitty i was to you. how much those must've bothered your life.

WHAT KIND OF "FRIEND" DOES THAT HORRIBLE SHIT? NO SORRY WILL TAKE BACK ALL THAT DAMAGE I'VE DONE TO YOUR FRIENDSHIP WITH MY SYS AND YOU NEVER EVEN ASKED TO DEAL WITH THAT. NOTHING I DO CAN EVER MAKE UP FOR HOW MUCH IVE HURT AND PUSHED YOU AWAY DURING THOSE TIMES. I DID THAT TO YOU FOR YEARS THAT'S WHY I SAID IT TERRIFIES ME HOW LONG WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS. AND HECK I SWORE I WAS GONNA "CHANGE AND BE A BETTER PERSON" BUT I ALWAYS TURN BACK INTO THIS CRAZY BITCH

even if i go back in time, i would've still done the same things cause i'm a mentally disable bitch right? that's what i am. who was i kidding when i thought i could actually get better and be a good friend to you, when i can't escape this disgusting creature i turn into every pms

i don't know. maybe i'm just unable to recall any of the times i've been able to act like a decent friend for you since my memory is not working rn. honestly all i remember right now were the times before when i'd always treat you like shit, so naturally i feel like you despise me so much. i don't want you to leave me, but i am so terrified that you have already replaced me that want to run away first again. just like how i always did before lmfao. but i won't do that this time cause i can't trust my emotions and thoughts during pmdd. these are prolly just temporary but id get it off my chest here. i just feel really terrified cause all i can vividly are the terrible things i did to you. i can't help but believe you hate me and i've been hyperventilating so much. im just being dramatic, but in case i don't snap back to normal, sorry for everything i did that hurt you, for everything you showed me that i couldn't see and still doubting you, for creating permanent damage with your friendship with them, for killing arveil out of spite and yet still being awfully insecure even though he's not here anymore. i know ive already said it so much before but i still want to apologize for entering your life