#i look like shit i feel like shit everythings fuck awful and im a horrible person incapable of anything worth a shit

[the-kipsabian]

im just unhappy scratch that the more i think about it the more im just straight up miserable and dont want to be here anymore

[rotturn]

every day on this trip is worse

[hecksupremechips]

Idk how to even talk to anyone anymore when it’s just the same thing in a loop over and over

[textmel8r]

[ DRABBLE ] 𝐎𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒 ! ( ninth installment ) in which you are forced to plan a corporate event with your office enemy .

୨୧˚ part; one. two. three. four. five. six. seven. eight. nine. ten. eleven.

୨୧˚ incl; kento nanami

୨୧˚ cw; profanity , alcohol consumption , inebriation , sexual harassment , violence , vomit

୨୧˚ an; i love nami kempo (dis shit like 4k werdssss) ALSO i’ve been getting comments that my tag list isn’t working for me dumb someone help me pls tell me what im doing wrong

୨୧˚ join my discord server ! we share headcanons, fanfic recs, color roles, and more drooling emoji

“Why am I here?” Nanami thinks out loud, glaring pointedly around the unlit dive bar. It’s unglamorous, walls garbed in eclectic music paraphernalia, references that go right past him. Flurries of reds and yellows and oranges in the decor cut brightly, shining through the dim atmosphere. Seriously, would it kill them to switch a light on? It bustles with life; university kids, Nanami is subjected to think based on the… unique fashion sense present in the room. Street wear, torn jeans, crop tops way too short to be considered shirts anymore. He cringes, feeling entirely too dated to be hanging amongst this kind of crowd. His leg bounces restlessly under the ledge of the bar, and he turns to look at you. “Why are we here?”

You’re smiling—actually smiling—flagging down the bartender. “You knew we were coming to a bar,” you cut yourself short, holding up a single finger to him whilst you relayed your order to the older gentleman behind the bar. A rum and coke, you asked politely before glancing toward Nanami. It took a moment for him to realize what that look meant. 

“I’ll have scotch, neat. Thanks.”

“As I was saying,” you steal back his attention, “I made it clear we were coming to a bar. What’s the problem?”

There was a hint of an attitude catching at your words, and Nanami felt his brow twitch in frustration. “You failed to tell me that we’d be in…” He grimaces, peeking back over his shoulder to the sea of youthful patrons slinging over nearly every stool and booth. “ . . . Mixed company.” God awful pop music fizzles through the speakers, twisting and crackling with pops of static; fuel to the billowing flames of Nanami’s overstimulation. “I was expecting something a bit more sophisticated.”

“I can tell,” you’re laughing as you give him a once over, and he gets a shiver of Deja Vu from the coffee shop where you pulled the same exact move. You tweeze at the expensive cotton button down, plucking the bunched fabric of a sleeve at the crease of his elbow. “Thought we said no more fancy clothes?”

Tonight he threw together a plain white shirt and a pair of slim fit khaki pants; the quintessential dad outfit, sure, but fancy? Nanami didn’t think so. “I’m dressed down.”

“Nixing the suit jacket and tie didn’t do much. You still look stiff, man.” Two glasses are brought over, one placed before either of you respectively. Nanami stares down into the glass, a foggy, brown abyss. His alcohol looks watered down and piss cheap. “You stick out, it’s kind of embarrassing.”

“Oh please, you’re too kind.” Nanami rolls his eyes, hunching over the bar and downing a swig from the scotch. Yeah, It was definitely watered down. Fuck this place. 

Your hand slaps his back. “So dramatic. I was kidding Nanami, you look fine.” A cheeky laugh reaches his ears before you tack on, “very handsome.” 

Now he knows you’re messing with him. 

You grin into your cup. “Stop sulking. It’s not so bad here.” Nanami would beg to differ. A debate that isn’t worth having because frankly, it’s a Saturday night and he doesn’t have nearly enough energy to draft a list of all the cons that this joint has to offer. “We got booze,” you raise your glass. “Booze makes everything better.”

His forehead wrinkles. “That’s a horrible mindset to have, Y/n.”

Your boisterous laugh outweighs the ambient chatter, and you take a hearty gulp. Nanami follows suit, albeit a bit awkwardly, tipping more spirits down his throat. You look surprisingly comfortable, slinking against the bar counter with a hazy smile that welcomes strangers in. This time, you weren’t wearing a flowery dress; instead, a low cut shirt and jeans, both equal parts dark and tight. The neckline plummeted deep, exposing slivers of your bra cups and entirely too much cleavage. By God, was his self restraint something to write home about. 

It was easy to fall into comfortable conversation. All in all, Nanami enjoys talking to you now, even if once upon a time the thought of engaging with you evoked such dread that he’d outwardly avoid your presence around the office. Passing along orders specifically meant for you to other colleagues and entrusting them to deliver the message, lengthening the conveyor belt of relation simply because you got him in a tizzy. Back then, all Nanami could see when he looked at you was that cowardly girl in the bathroom with smeared lipstick and a trembling pout. How shameful, he thinks, that it took him this long to see past that terrible first impression. 

“So there I was, balancing ten cups of coffee, shaking like a little bitch,” you laughed as you shared an anecdote from an internship in your university years. Nanami listened intently, head propped up on his fist as he watched your theatrics. Your cheeks flushed with the evidence of alcohol, eyes lidded, smile wobbly. Nanami was feeling the edge of his buzz coming on too, an amazing revelation considering the diluted alcohol this place served. “And I’m walking up ten flights of stairs–”

“Ten flights?” He gawks, feeling looser and matching you with melodrama. “What, did your office not have an elevator?”

You laughed. “It was out of order.”

“Your luck astounds me.”

You flip him off playfully. “I finally get to the last stair and my heel catches on the floor and I eat total shit in front of the entire room!” Nanami can’t stop his own tittering, cupping a palm over his grin. “Spilled the coffee everywhere, twisted my ankle, too. I probably laid in that puddle for ten minutes.”

“That’s why you don’t wear high heels anymore?”

There’s a grimace on your face when you nod, topping off the rest of your glass. “Mm.”

Nanami swaps his own story, of a time when he was in his third year of college and his work laptop got stolen. “I think I cried,” and you guffawed at his misery. “I’m serious, I really think I cried. Alone, on the floor of my dormitory. It was finals week, and I had written my dissertation on that laptop.”

“So what did you do?”

“I pulled an all-nighter in the library on campus and rewrote my entire thesis.” Merely remembering that chaotically stressful night had Nanami huffing a sigh of anguish and dragging an exasperated hand down his face. 

The bartender slides you another drink. Gosh, he was lagging behind. “I would’ve dropped out.” You spoke over the rim of the glass.

“Trust me, I was really close.” Nanami’s eyes narrow, gaging the swell of your throat as you knock back a few swigs. “How many have you had?” 

“A few.” Your answer was blunt, and from that Nanami could gather that his question had rendered you the slightest bit irritated. He understood why; you were a grown woman, who was he to regulate how many rounds you decide to have? But even with this understanding, the man couldn’t shake his concern. “More than you, old timer. Keep up.”

He shakes his head, scratching at his cheek. “This is my last for the night.” Any more, and Nanami would wake up the next morning nauseous with a pounding headache. He took precautions to avoid breaching his limits, he really disliked that hungover feeling. 

You gawk at the declaration. “How lame.” Then you hiccup.

“You can call me lame now, but which one of us will wake up tomorrow not in pain?”

You wave a hand through the air, brushing off his very astute observation. “Hush, that’s for future me to deal with. Present me doesn’t have a care in the world.”

You’re immature, but it’s amusing, so he doesn’t offer any rebuttals. The way you are so insistent on living in the moment is fascinating, almost inspiring even. Nanami feels as though he’s ever crushed by the impending future, always so concerned with what the next day, next week, next month, next year brings. He thinks ahead to a fault, and because of that, forgets to enjoy the little things. But you always stop and smell the roses. It’s admirable. 

“Bartender!” You wag a finger in the air, slamming down your empty glass. Fiending for yet another drink. 

Okay, maybe your ability to live in the now is to a fault as well. Nanami holds a hand up, signaling the barkeep to halt. “Sorry,” he apologizes politely, “she’s all good for now, thanks.” Ain’t that the truth. Your face looked tacky with sweat, pupils scarily dilated. Your words come out dimly slurred, and your gestures uncoordinated. As your business associate, he feels obligated to intervene at this point.

A hand slaps his down. Your hand. “Hey what gives?” You’re upset with him. “Just because you’re done doesn’t mean I am.”

“You’re three sips away from throwing up on yourself,” Nanami deadpans, unphased by your drunken outburst. Unbeknownst to the two of you, another patron had taken up the stool opposite of you. To be expected; the bar was decently crowded, that being said neither of you paid much mind to the man. He was younger than Nanami for sure, his hair unkempt and shaggy, swept back by sweat and something that looked like grease. He was smiling, probably on some brand of dope that Nanami was unfamiliar with. The stranger interrupts, leaning over with his elbow planted on the countertop. 

“You her father or some shit?” He speaks without any warning, catching both you and Nanami’s attention. 

Father? Nanami internally grimaces, jaw tightening. Just how old does he think I am? Trying not to be offended by the inquiry, he corrects the man. “Just a concerned friend, that’s all.” You have yet to speak, still a tad caught off guard by the unexpected company. 

The stranger’s grin widens, reaching shit-eating status. “Then hop the fuck off her case, man.” He shoots a pair of lidded, droopy eyes toward you, eyebrows jumping in a manner that is entirely too suggestive for Nanami’s liking. “If the lady wants another drink, then let her have another drink.”

Nanami feels the awkward tension thicken the air between this interaction. For all the shit you talked about getting hit on in bars, he would have never expected you to act so timid when put in a position like this. Nanami fully expected you to side with the latter party, to order another round of vodka-whatever and then leave with your newfound knight in shining armor. What actually happened: “No, er, my friend might be right actually,” followed by an incredibly strained chuckle. Your shoulders stiffen, Nanami can practically feel the way you harden up beside him. “I should probably take it easy.”

The man feigns grief. “Aw, c’mon. You seemed so eager before. Let me buy you another?”

“She just said—”

“I was talking to her, not you.”

Nanami was utterly shocked by the sheer gall this young man possessed. Was he trying to intimidate him? It was painfully ineffective. “I don’t want one,” you said with a little more oomph this time, fiercely hanging on the urge to defend Nanami. It made him feel strangely prideful. 

The stranger’s smile never retreated, but something sinister glinted in the ocean of his dark eyes. He gave a sniff, brushing the point of his nose with the pad of his thumb before hurling yet another unwanted flirtation your way. “Baby, hey, what’s one more drink? I saw you from across the room, I’ve been dyin’ to chat you up.” Under the table, his hand slips into your personal space. Nanami sees it unfold in his peripherals; the pallor hand slithering over your lap, grabbing a handful of your denim-clad thigh. You yelped in surprise, wincing. Nanami saw it all.  

He was not a violent man. In fact, he could count the number of times he’s thrown a punch in his life on one hand. Physical fights were pointless, a waste of time and energy because Nanami wholeheartedly believed that altercations were best settled with words. But the moment your nervous squeak found his ears, Nanami couldn’t control the urge to beat this guy’s face in. So that’s what he did; sliding out of his seat to round you and pull the stranger off his stool by the collar of his faux leather jacket. The material felt cheap and mingy, not something Nanami would ever be caught dead wearing. Without so much as a second thought, Nanami sends a heavy fist barreling into the meat of his cheek. One good, solid punch, and the sinewy gentleman was tumbling to the ground, walking the thin line between consciousness. “Shit…” Nanami breathes, chest heaving with barely concealed rage, knuckles throbbing to the beat of his racing heart. The bar went dead, too many pairs of eyes locked onto him to count, but the only ones he could care about were yours. 

You looked at Nanami with such astonishment, with your eyes pried wide as dinner plates and your mouth ajar. He was ready for you to yell at him, to curse him for embarrassing you in a pub you frequented, but nothing came. Well, almost nothing. 

“Security!” The bartender hollered thick and deep, slapping a damp rag onto the counter with a wet plap. 

“Shit!” Nanami repeated, cuffing a hand around the thinnest part of your wrist, tugging you into his side as you both raced toward the exit. “Let’s go.”

You’re gurgling and grumbling, latching onto the material of his shirt as little bouts of complaining bubbled past your lips. “Not so fast!” and “Oh God, my stomach” and “I don’t feel good.” Nanami had been reduced to your crutch at this point; he bore the entirety of your weight without batting an eye because your own legs were too wobbly to do it yourself. 

“I know,” he murmured, maneuvering through the crowd. “Hold it together, we’re almost there.”

The first step outside felt like entering Heaven. Nanami basked in the cleanliness of the chilly night air, gulping down a big breath of fresh oxygen that hadn’t been tainted by marijuana smoke. But suddenly, you’re detaching yourself from his hip and he’s bewildered by your sudden need for proximity. “Y/n—”

He turns to face you, only to be met with the crown of your head. Doubled over at the waist, hands on the lower fraction of your thighs, you vomit onto the dewy pavement… and his shoes. Nanami’s cursing once more, drawing closer despite how much you obviously don’t want him to. “Alright,” he coos in exasperation, gathering your hair into a bundle and holding it away from the splash zone. “It’s alright, get it out.”

“You’re… Did I just puke on y-your feet?” Your voice is croaky, something of a mixture of embarrassment and illness. You can’t even look at him. 

“Stand up,” Nanami tells you. He’s unbending you, straightening your body upright with a hand pressing your back in from his bowed shape. “Can you look at me?”

You pout, childlike. “No.” You’re looking at his shoes, the toes slick with remnants of your stomach acid. 

“They’re just shoes, I have a million pairs.” His head cocks to a tilt. “Would you look at me, please?”

You’re sighing, but looking up to him nonetheless. Gazing up with big, glossy eyes and wet lashes that clumped together through tears. Eyeliner diluted and cradling your undereyes in a dark embrace. You wipe your mouth with the back of a palm, smearing shimmery gloss out of the confines of your lip line. It’s all so nauseatingly familiar, this pitiful display. Nanami decides he hates seeing you like this. 

“I’m sorry,” you chirp. 

“Don’t apologize.” 

“I’ll pay for them.”

Nanami puts a hand on your shoulder when he notices the slant in your posture. “Cut it out, that’s entirely unnecessary.” He looks around the parking lot, full of vehicles. They catch the glint from the yellowish street lamps. “Did you drive here?” He thinks it’s unlikely, seeing as you let yourself fall under such intoxication. You weren’t so irresponsible; if you drove here, you would’ve made sure you’d be able to drive home too, like he did. 

You’re shaking your head. “Caught a train.”

Nanami nods, pleased. “Good. That’s good.” With all the grace and gentleness in the world, the man loops your limp arm back around his nape, securing you against his oblique with a sturdy arm snaked around your waist. Everything is ginger, lest he upset your stomach again. “Are you good to walk?”

“Yeah, I think I’m alright.”

“Then let me take you to my car.”

That pulls a frown from you. “You don’t need—need to drive me there, Nana’. The station—” Hiccup “It’s just down the road.”

The blonde glowers. “You can barely stand on your own, public transportation is out of the question.” Like Hell he’s going to let an obviously inebriated, attractive young woman such as yourself ride the subway alone. Please, don’t make him laugh. “I’m driving you home.”

“It’s out of your way.”

“I don’t care.”

It’s a slow race, but Nanami eventually hauls you to his car parked at the entrance of the lot. A midnight shade Maserati; he doesn’t miss the way you gawk at his luxurious ride. “If I had a car like this, I’d never leave it.” He laughs. You smack his bicep. “I’m not kidding, I’d sleep in this thing. She’s gorgeous.”

“She says thank you,” he huffs his response. Nanami leans you up against the side of his car, pinning you between its door and his thigh while he opens the passenger door. “Watch your head.” His hand curls around the roof’s ledge, a makeshift cushion to protect your skull as you duck into the car seat. Immediately, you’re slumping back into the comfortable leather interior, moaning out quiet mewls of exhaustion. 

“Yeah, I’d definitely sleep in here.”

“Keep those eyes open.” The door swings shut, and Nanami makes haste when rounding the rear of his car to the driver’s side. He had barely toed the line of sobriety anyways, but knocking a stranger on his ass was definitely more than enough to woosh any semblance of haziness from his veins. Nanami wouldn’t think about driving—wouldn’t think about putting you or anyone else on the road in danger—if he felt even the slightest bit impaired by the scotch. Behind the wheel, the man leans across the center console to grab your seat’s safety belt, carefully dragging it over your chest and clipping it into the buckle. “I need your address first, then you can knock out.”

“My address…” You ponder, lips pursed and eyes blinking at a snail’s pace. Sleepiness prevails, and you fall in and out of slumber, head lolling and cheek mashed up against your shoulder. 

Nanami carps, unappreciative of your inability to stay awake long enough for this much needed conversation. “Hey,” he bleats, patting the top of your thigh. “Come on, Y/n. I need to know where you live.”

You whine, rolling your eyes at his persistence. “The city.”

“You live in the city.” Nanami deadpans at the useless information you’ve just spared. 

“Mm.” And then you’re drifting back to sleep. 

Nanami pinches high on the bridge of his nose with a thumb and forefinger, over the permanent divets where his glasses have drilled into his skin. The contortment of his fingers sends another spike of pain over his bruising knuckles. “Wake up and give me a proper address.” He supposes his heated seats aren’t doing much to stave off your tiredness, so he presses his knuckle into the off button. You whine. 

“I don’t remember, okay?”

That’s how you ended up at Nanami’s home, tucked under his lavish sheets in his bed that’s entirely too big for one person. Your outfit had been neatly folded and piled upon his dresser, exchanged for one of his tee shirts and a pair of sweatpants that were cinched at the waist. He helped you into his clothes—with your undivided consent, of course. A completely clinical and respectful process; Nanami looked elsewhere, acting as a handle for you to hold onto as you stepped into the oversized pants he held open for you. They were far too wide, falling off your hips, so he took the time to tie a precious, little bow with the drawstrings. 

“Comfy?” He asks upon his return to the bedroom, holding a glass of tap water in one hand, a bottle of pills rattling in the other. You’re exactly where he left you; swimming in his bedsheets, the comforter hoisted up to your chest. Nanami sets the water down on the bedside table, then takes a seat on the edge of his mattress, working the bottle open. 

“I’ve never been more comfortable,” you sigh blissfully, taking a deep inhale. “Your blankets smell good.”

The blonde can’t help his chuckle. “I’ll give you the name of the laundry detergent I use tomorrow.” With deft fingers, he plucks two small tablets, light pain medication, and sets the pair on the table next to your water glass. 

“Promise?” Your tongue pokes out from between your teeth, playful. He chides an airy yes, snapping the tylenol bottle shut. Then, your smile fades; you’re averting your eyes, fixing them somewhere over to the blank canvas of Nanami’s gray, bedroom wall. “Hey, um…” He watched the side of your face, watches the flex of your jawline and the tension in your neck. “Did I—I didn’t really throw up on you, right?”

You rub at your temple, like you’re trying to find the memory but it’s just out of reach. “No,” he replies instantly, steadily, like it’s not a complete lie. Like his bile-ridden shoes aren’t sitting outside on his front door step, waiting to be cleaned. “You don’t remember?”

“It’s fuzzy,” you grumble, frustrated with yourself. “I had too much.”

Normal circumstances permitted, Nanami would’ve totally took this opportunity to have his I told you so moment. But you already looked  upset, maybe a little bit sick still, so he bit his tongue for you. “Some drunk imbecile interrupted us. We shared words, and then he got sick on us.” He was pleased with himself, his story must’ve been believable with the way you nodded along. 

“And then you punched him, right?”

His face drops. “That’s what you remember?”

Your shrug. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget it, Nanami. Not for my entire life.”

“Kento.” You hum, confused, so he reiterates, “I mean, call me Kento. I just clothed you, I’d say we’re close enough.” It’s true, you guys were getting more and more comfortable together by the day. Even outside of work and the management project, Nanami and you share text conversations more frequently than he would’ve ever imagined. And these little hangouts—granted, only two have been executed thus far—have been the most fun he’s had in ages. More fun than he’d ever hope to have with his ‘friendly’ business colleagues. You’re his friend. 

You, Y/n L/n, are his friend. What a strange fucking twist of events, it nearly gives Nanami whiplash. 

“Ken… To…” You speak each syllable slowly, peeking up at him through your eyelashes. He nods, grinning easily. Happy. “Kento, Kento, Ken—”

“Okay, okay enough.” He rises, arms raised as he gives a hearty stretch to his back. “It’s bedtime. Over there,” Nanami points at a door, “is the bathroom if you need it. You’ve got water here, and make sure you take the medicine in the mornings. You’re going to have a terrible migraine.”

“Wait, where are you gonna go?”

“I’ll take the couch for tonight.”

“Kento…” You whine, and he really wished you wouldn’t do that. “C’mere. There’s room.”

You’re patting the expansive open space beside you, peeling back the heavy blankets. It’s an enticing offer, to slip in beside you and feed off your body heat. To hold you to him and— Stop, what are you thinking? Stupid. “I think it’s best we don’t. Sorry.” And then he’s fleeing to the door because the way in which he worded that made the depths of his soul curl with cringe. Nanami bids you a polite sleep well before leaving you to the darkness, though he has enough sense left to keep the door cracked just in case you should yell for him in the night. 

likes and reblogs are appreciated !

tags . • @justbelljust @amnmich @ti-mame @silkija @maddietries @vyntagei @ebrysteria @aesukuni @lololooolleonnaaa @nanamiswife22 @r0ckst4rjk @mizzfizz @saiki-enthusiast @taelattecookie @enchantingkitty @kindadolly @reinam00n @hqtoge @syamamas @numblytemporary @xxravenxstarxx-blog @bloomedintome @guacam011y @jameinfrau @luvvmae @kazisupreme @nowhoremones @https-tank @venjrnjrbhrr19 @ya9amicide @darkstarlight82 @archivefortoji @alczam02 @kaiparkerwifes @kenz1eluvs @iaminyourfloors @queeen-goldfish @beautifulloverwitch @nxuriah @invisible-mori @hexrts-anatomy @katharinasdiaryy @moonlightazriel @mermaidian02 @squishies0102 @saintkaylaa @vi-ola666 @alettertonana @seeyapizzazz @jtoddlover

[bedoballoons]

Awe thank you!! I hope you're having a great night/day as well!! I've never written anything like this before so I hope you enjoy it!! Thank you for your request!!

─⊰⁠⊹ฺ❄️𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤⊰⁠⊹ฺ❄️

{༻~Hes mine~༺}

CW: Fem! Reader! Readers friend tries to sleep with character, reader is described as normally being sweet and kind, cursing and slight simping on the characters part for their possessive girlfriend~

(Includes: Lyney, Tighnari, Xiao, Wanderer, and Freminet!)

𑁍༄Lyney:

"She doesn't have to know Lyney. It could just be our little secret~"

You felt your face heat up to your ears, anger spiking in your heart...you knew your best friend had their eyes on him for awhile now...but you never thought they'd actually try anything. You took a deep breath and threw open the door you'd been standing behind, making your friends almost jump out of their skin.

"Ah! H-hey bestie! How's it goin?"

You scowled at their voice, how dare they act like they hadn't been trying to get with Lyney just two seconds earlier. "How's it goin! IT WAS GOING REALLY NICE UNTIL YOU TRIED TO FUCK MY BOYFRIEND! HONESTLY ARE YOU SUCH A WHORE YOU HAVE TO TRY FOR EVERY GUY INCLUDING MINE?!?"

You stepped closer to them while Lyney shrunk back into the corner, his eyes wide with shock...and a light blush coating his cheeks. "Mon amou-"

"NOT RIGHT NOW LYNEY, IM CURRENTLY DEALING WITH THIS STUPID BITCH I USED TO CALL A FRIEND. ANSWER ME. DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO SLEEP WITH EVERY GUY YOU SEE? CANT KEEP IT IN YOUR FUCKING PANTS?"

"I...Im not a whore! You know if I had met him first, he would have picked me instead!"

"LEAVE RIGHT NOW. COME NEAR HIM AGAIN AND I WILL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU! GET OUT OF NY FACE AND SUCK SOME OTHER GUYS DICK!" You pointed to the exit, glaring at them as they ran out. It took a couple minutes for the room to settle, your heart pounding in your ears...when suddenly it dawned on you that you'd just acted like that...in front of Lyney. You turned to look him, surprised to see he was staring right back at you with this glazed over look, "Lyney...sorry you had to-"

"Do not apologise mon amour, just now I'm forever yours~"

𑁍༄Tighnari:

"Tighnari, please. I promise I'll make it fun~"

You felt your heart sink, rage making your hands ball up into fists...you'd always been so nice to them, you considered them your best friend and the second your back was turned they stabbed you in it. You shook your head, pushing the door flat against the wall as the noise reverberated throughout the house, "Well, well, well, if iT ISNT THE ROYAL BACK STABBER THEMSELF. SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOUR LITTLE FLIRTING SESSION WITH MY BOYFRIEND! DID YOU REALLY THINK HED GO FOR YOU?!?"

You looked at them with a glint in your eyes that could send people scrambling for safety, unaware that Tighnari was right behind you...watching you with his tail wagging aggressively behind him.

"You weren't supposed to find out! It's not my fault you walked in! And yeah, he could have gone for me! Do you see how you're acting right now friend!"

"ME? ACTING UP? REALLY? YOU JUST FUCKING ASKED THE PERSON IM IN LOVE WITH, THE PERSON I TOLD YOU I LOVED, TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU! AND IM ACTING UP? NO FUCK YOU, YOURE A STUPID BITCH AND YOU NEED TO NEVER COME NEAR ME OR HIM AGAIN OR I SWEAR ILL MESS YOUR FACE UP SO BAD, EVEN HUMPTY THE FUCKING DUMPTY CAN'T PUT IT BACK TOGETHER!"

You felt tears well up in your eyes as they slowly walked away from you...all those memories down the drain...and Tighnari not far away probably considering you a horrible person by now. "Tigh-"

"I love you too."

"I- what..."

"I. Love. You. Too. More then I think I can really express..."

𑁍༄Xiao:

"Awe Xiao, don't just say no right away, I have so many things to offer. I can show you everything she couldn't even think of~"

You slumped against the wall, feeling like you were about to throw up...of all the things you expected to hear as you walked up to your date with your boyfriend...your best friend asking to sleep with him wasn't one of them. It was like being punched in the gut..., "Wow..didn't even wait to make sure I wasn't around huh..."

You could hear your friend gasp, their demeanor instantly changing, "I-i don't know what you're talking about. I w-wasn't doing anything. Isn't that right Xiao? It just sounded bad!" You pulled yourself away from the wall, your anger bubbling inside of you as you looked at Xiao. He seemed surprised for some reason and it only egged you on, "Well Xiao?"

"They were trying to get me to break my loyalty to you. I would never fall for such things though. My desires are for you only."

"Xiao!"

You smiled evilly at your friend as the shouted at him, "Well look at that. I only have a few things to say to you. TAKE YOUR HORNY ASS BACK TO THE WHORE HOUSE AND LOOK FOR SOME HOOKER LOW LIFE INSTEAD. HE'S MINE AND EVEN IF HE WASN'T, HE'D NEVER FALL FOR YOU UGLY SELF! GO! NOW!" If steam could shoot out of your ears it would have. You could forgive so many things, but that wasn't one of them.

"I...fine! I never liked you anyway!"

They ran out the door, leaving you feeling like you needed to punch the wall..., "How did I ever become friends with them....Xiao you oka- mph!" You blushed madly as he interrupted you with a kiss. His lips meeting yours as he pulled you close to him, you could feel his heart racing and the warmth radiating off of him. He wouldn't even let you pull away till you were gasping for air, "X-xiao?"

"I don't really understand this feeling...but I liked seeing you fight for me. It made me want to kiss you..."

𑁍༄Wanderer:

"I could turn you into my own little brat baby boy, don't you want that~"

It felt like a switch flipped in your mind as those words left your friends mouth...your normally nice sweet personality gone cold and bitter. To think you'd taken the chance to friend this person..."Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the only one who can call him that is me. In fact, pretty sure since he's MY boyfriend you shouldn't even be trying to fuck him. That just isn't who you are is it."

"I wasn't going to-"

"Wanderer, hush." You stared daggers at your ex friend as they backed towards the exit, their hands shaking with fear. "Trembling are you? IS IT CAUSE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN ME ANGRY? CAUSE HONESTLY, IVE NEVER FELT THIS MUCH RAGE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE SO CONGRATULATIONS FOR FINDING A WAY TO PISS ME OFF THAT BADLY. FUCK YOU!"

"Look just calm down, he said no anyway alright. I was just kidding! If I wanted to fuck him I would have by now!"

"WOW. YES YOU WERE DEFINITELY JOKING, IS THAT WHY YOU WERE TRYING TO PRESS UP AGAINST HIM?! IM NOT A IDIOT BUT CLEARLY YOU ARE. NEVER. TOUCH HIM. AGAIN! FUCK OFF!"

They slipped outside, leaving you alone with your breathing uneven and your face bright red. You were never one for yelling or cursing and in seconds someone you called a friend changed that...

"That was hot."

Your eyes shot open as you spun around. Wanderer was leaning against the wall, smirking at you under the brim of his hat, "I never would have guess my girlfriend could get so nasty. I'll only say this once, but I like seeing you loose your shit. Kinda a turn on~"

𑁍༄Freminet:

"Don't worry, I like when guys are shy in bed and she will never find out~"

"I-i said no. Leave me alone."

You bit your lip, listening to the fear in Freminets voice...the flirty tone in your friends. It was like some type of twisted joke, the ones that make your skin crawl...not only were they hurting you even though your were their best friend, but going after a taken guy who wasn't the best at defending himself in social altercations...that was a whole different kind of low.

"You should probably take the hint. He said no. That means no. He's not a cheater and he doesn't want you." You revealed yourself from your hiding spot, taking satisfaction in the suprise painted on your friends features. Did they really think they were going to get away with it...did they really think he'd sleep with them?

"How long have you been there?!"

"Long enough to see who you really are and I hope I never have to again. Neither of us want anything to do with you now. Take fucking flirty words and advances and go find someone just as terrible as you to sleep with instead!" You threw their bag at them, standing in front of Freminet protectively as they glared at you.

"It's fine, I didn't really want him anyway! You two can keep eachother!"

You watched them leave, your body shaking with anger..."How fucking dare they..."

"A-are you okay?"

You looked at Freminet, shocked to see him staring back at you with a blush that matched your own...he couldn't look at you in the eye..."Yes I'm alright...are you?"

"I-im better then alright. I feel very w-warm. Thank you for defending me...but even if you hadn't shown up, I never would have been with them. I...I only like you."

"I only like you too Freminet."

ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚~Have a nice day!~*⁠.⁠✧

[wannabe-skinni-qween]

tw vent

genuinely so fucking sick and tired of everything. hate myself more than anything, but so does literally everyone so what does it matter. no matter how much i struggle someone in the world has it worse. i have a perfect life, perfect family, perfect house, perfect everything. im the only problem with all of this. other ppl do so much for me and love me and take care of me but it js makes me angry. ik im an awful person for saying this and ppl r gna hate me but i js need to talk, i wish i had it worse. i tell people this shit and i always get "no u dont u dk what its like its horrible you dont want this" but i do.

i wish i'd have been SA'd, i wish i'd have been abused, i wish i did drugs, i wish my parents hated me. idk why but i just crave sickness so much. i want to be sick beyond help to the point where it consumes my life and i finally have enough motivation to kms. the only reason i cvt is because i want to get addicted to it.

its been like this for years. the only thing i want in life is attention, idc how i get it or who i get it from. i live on it. yk those coaches on here? i dont block them a lot of the time. i give them exactly what they want because they tell me i have a pretty face. ik theyre lying but its all i need to hear. i send nood pics to old men all the time. men who know im a minor and love it. they dont love me as a person tho and its fine.

i worry that people wont care abt me when im an adult. like i wont be a child anymore, i wont be taken care of. ill get a lame job and meet a lame man and have a shitty wedding and shit out ugly babies that look exactly like me, and grow up to hate themselves exactly as i do now.

i plan on dying before i turn 18. but time is moving too fast and im getting too close to my deadline, so im trying to make everything worth it before i go. its hard to do that tho, i dont have any friends irl, i dont go to school. i go to a school made for retarded kids a few hours a week. i dont do anything while im there. js stare at the words because i genuinely cnt read it properly. like ik what the words say (though it can take a minute) but i dont understand anything. all i do is sit in my room and wait until someone talks to me.

and there's no way for me to ever feel better because i dnt want to. im a terrible person because of that and i dont like it, but it wont ever change

ik probably nobody even read this (i yap sm 😭) but i js needed to get some stuff off my chest

[altf4d3lete]

EPISODE TWO

- “maybe it’s one of your classmates” erm or maybe it’s your fucking son and you just decided to ignore the fact that he could be a Hyde too because you didn’t want that to be true

- Weems trying so hard to protect the school. Love her even tho she’s controversial

- Bro wednesday is better than me bc if Rowan walked in smiling at me like that I would have actually lost my shit right then and there

- “Was it to gain attention” what a horrible therapist wtf

- Why does this therapy session feel like a fight omg

- EW TYLER. Sorry.

- Court ordered therapy how badly did you fuck Xavier up bro

- “I believe you” i wonder why bro you’re so manipulative

- ENID MY BBG 😭 “i will literally scratch my own eyes out” “i would pay money to see that” and enid just whips around with a huge smile THEYRE SO CUTE

- HUH??? BY EPISODE TWO THING IS GIVING ENID NECK MASSAGES THATS CRAZY

- Enid not being mean about Rowan being alive unlike SOMEONE (Xavier)

- Yoko looks so done im sobbing

- The gentle rejection from Wednesday and Enid taking it with no issue

- ENID’S WINK

- Is the choir only sirens

- THE FAINT BARKING AFTER SHE SINGS THE NOTE DOGS CAN HEAR

- “Ever shot a bow and arrow” “only on live targets” proceeds to mansplain how to shoot a bow he’s so annoying I can’t stand Xavier im sorry

- She HATES him it’s so funny

- EUGENEEEE

- poor guy aw she just left him there

- There’s just casually a severed hand running through the train station

- THE WAY SHE SLAMS XAVIER’S SPIDER IS SO FUNNY

- Xavier is so awkward sitting between his ex and his crush AND they’re beefing

- Sheriff Galpin is kinda annoying

- HELP ENID BEING SASSY BC THING IS MAD

- Not her coaching wednesday on thing

- “go apologize” “yes ma’am 😐😕”

- Imagine losing your family to a pink sparkly werewolf

- Awww her opening up to thing is so cute

- COUGHS her GREATEST FEAR is being responsible for something terrible and y’all r saying she’d be okay dating someone who was going to help genocide her classmates that’s crazy.

- “I can’t let that happen”

- Y’all she was genuinely concerned abt being the reason the school is in trouble

- Her crushing Eugene about Enid is crazy

- Tyler is so manipulative holy shit

- God she trusted Laurel that sucks so much

- Sigh she can relate to Laurel and that sucks so bad

- I feel so bad for her the one adult she felt like could understand her

- Damn Xavier is so argumentative towards Bianca wtf

- Wednesday was so mad about Bianca cheating to hurt Enid

- MY POOR BABY CRYING ENID :((

- SHES JOINING FOR ENID BE FR WEDNESDAY. YOURE MAD ABT BIANCA’S COMMENT TOWARDS ENID

- I love how they’re always attached at the hip

- WEDNESDAY PUT ON A CATSUIT FOR ENID BE FR EARS AND EVERYTHING

- Enid just not being afraid by Wednesday’s threats

- The way nearly getting beheaded by an axe in the poe cup is just normal

- Enid trusting Wednesday to get the flag

- YES GIRL BREAK THEIR BOAT ENID

- The way she’s way faster than Xavier and Ajax because they got there before and she’d practically caught up with them by the time they got to the crypt (she took a shortcut nvm)

- Goody my bbg 😞

- Xavier getting so mad abt losing is crazy bro literally fell off his seat

- AND YELLING “CHEATERS” HELP

- WWWD I love you enid

- YEA THING PUNCH THAT MF FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND

- ENID WAITING TO RUN TO THE FINISH LINE FOR WEDNESDAY TO HOLD THE FLAG TOO IM ILL

- AND THEM HOLDING IT TOGETHER

- ENID LITERALLY SIDE HUGGING AND SHAKING HER AND WEDNESDAY DOESNT CARE

- they’re so cute

- With how far wednesday went from the quad and how quick enid found her, enid probably immediately went looking for Wednesday after noticing she was missing

- The way she’s hugging Wednesdays arm is so cute

- And the way wednesday looks at enid awww

- WEEMS BEING MORTICIAS COPILOT AND WEDNESDAY BEING ENIDS THATS SO CUTE

- “Ah yes. Me, my gf, and her 5 foot tall trophy”

- Why did she write everything in caps except the “i”s

- The ol’ Addams family snap

- Damn bro got kidnapped that’s crazy

[romanarose]

Gross Reality

Santiago Garcia x fem!reader

Join my tag list!

Triple Frontier Masterlist

800 Words

Summary: You are on your period and feel disgusting, Santi isn't phased.

Content Warnings: BODILY FLUIDS, all the bodily fluids. This fic is just me being self-indulgent because I'm feeling disgusting on my period today. Breif reference to butt stuff bc it's me. But mostly, if bodily fluids like puke and shit gross you out, keep going but I know this is the reality for many people who get periods.

A/N: In my head, this takes place in a lil universe of several of my Santi fics, including the one I did with Dolli, Honest Mistake, and but more importantly another Santi period fic I referenced in this fic, Santi With a Reader on Her Period.

****************

Santi Claus: Hey babe, you wanna come over today? The new Spider-verse movie is on Disney plus, we can refuel your fanfiction inspiration 👀or inspiration 👀 for other things 👀

Benny’s Hot Friend: Can’t, busy sitting on the toilet.

Santi realized, again, he needed to change his girlfriends name from what he had drunkenly put it in as months ago at Will’s engagement party.

Santi Claus: … just sitting there?

Benny’s hot friend: No, dumbass

Santi Claus: Did you get distracted watching tik tok for an hour again?

Benny’s Hot friend: NO! Im on my period and it’s day two and everything is fucking awful and I wanna die and I think I’m going to on this toilet

Santi Claus: Cramps?

Benny’s Hot Friend: Shitting, Santi. Shitting. I’ve bled through my tampons after 30 minuets and i'm sick of it and I keep needing to shit and it’s disgusting and I’m disgusting and I’m just free bleeding over the toilet and shitting when need because I can’t trust my farts ARE YOU HAPPY

Santa Claus is typing

Santi Claus is typing

Santi Claus is typing

Santi was very carefully plotting his next words.

Santi Claus: Amor, have you eaten today?

Benny’s Hot Friend: NO I HAVEN'T EATEN TODAY SANTI IF YOU MUST ASK AND I HAVEN'T HAD ANY CAFFEINE EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE.

When he didn’t respond, you assumed he’d gotten sick of your shit. It wasn’t that long ago that you happen woken up on top of him with a surprise early period, bleeding all over your new boyfriend who you hadn’t even farted around, and now, although you were more secure, you still worried you’d come across as gross and bitchy and he was over it. Your periods were horrible, the first 2-3 days at least. Dejected, you clean yourself up but only to go get more pain medicine and plot yourself back down on the toilet. 

Another round of cramps came and pretty soon you could add tears and puke to the list of fluids exiting you, ready to just get into the bathtub and cry when you felt your hair being held back and you look to your side to see Santi, eyes concerned and worried, but not disturbed.

“Do you need a hospital, mi vida?”

You shake your head. “No, tummy just hurts.”

Not deterred, Santi holds your hair and rubs your stomach as you empty into the trashcan until the pain subsided enough to try taking a pill again. Dutifully, Santi cleaned up the trash can and your face before guiding you up rinse your mouth out with mouth wash, all while muttering oft praises and encouragement. ‘There we go, let it out’ ‘Do you feel better? Bien.’ ‘Doing good, just spit it out now’

“Santi, I’m sorry, this is so gross-”

“Oh hush. This is far from the worst I’ve seen.”

“Saw worse in the military?”

“No- well, yeah, but I was thinking about the time Benny called me after getting food poisoning from Taco Bell and I had to play big brother while Will was out of town.”

“Yeah” You pant, stomach hurting. “I’ve had to deal with him sick too. He’s a bigfucking baby. Now can you please get out, I need to shit.”

Santi scoffed at that. “You think I don’t shit? I shit all day, three times before lunch-”

“Yeah, you should get that checked out”

“-I’m not phased. I’ve had my finger in your ass, I can handle what comes out of it.”

Finally, you giggle, smiling at him as he sat at the tub edge. “Okay, your funeral.” You bent over in pain again, wondering what the fuck you did to deserve this nonsesnese every month and what you did to deserve to deserve such a loving boyfriend. You wanted to marry this pain in your ass, marry him so hard. He talks to you while you take care of business whipping your face when you get the cold sweats

“Santi, I love you but you’ve gotta get outta here while I clean up.”

He chuckles, but concedes. “Okay, I brought over chinese food-” 

“Oh FUCK YEAH”

“-and coffee”

“FFFFFUUUCCKKK YEEEAAHHH”

“I’ll get it ready in the kitchen when you’re done”

He does as promised and you begin to clean up when you get a ding on your phone. You didn’t realize it was Santi’s until it was too late, and you saw it. No, he wasn’t cheating. No, he wasn’t talking shit. It was the last text you sent him and you saw what your name was on the screen.

Benny’s Hot Friend.

“Santiago Garcia!” You stand in the kitchen with his phone, fully dressed but your hair clinging to your face from sweat. “Wanna explain my contact name?”

He looks confused, then his eyes widen and he stops plating your food. Muneca, listen, I can explain-”

“BENNY’S HOT FRIEND?!” But you were smiling.

He starts to back away, hands raised in defense. “I said you were hot!”

“Did you forget my name that night?”

“Honey, I had like 8 beers and I’m a short king! I was drunk!”

Playfully, you run at Santi, threatening to bleed on him again.

***************

Anyway, shout out to my Peeps in the whorefully yours discord! we all go there and complain about our periods bc they suck. Mine arent THAT bad, I mostly had the shits and the excessive bleeding and I do just sit on the toilet sometimes but I know other people who throw up from the pain.

Your pain is real, and you deserve someone to take care of you

@fandxmslxt69 @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @whatthefishh @k-ra @eyelessfaces @ivystoryweaver @steven-grants-world @campingwiththecharmings @ahookedheroespureheart @littlenosoul

[traegorn]

i say this with as much openness as im capable of. why is everyone so eager lately to defend christianity. i dont actually need to have a history degree to be able to see that christianity is Bad For Everyone. i can see it when i look out the window. the great commission is colonialism writ large.

the GOAL of christianity is genocide, eliminating as many other religions as possible in the pursuit of mass conversion. HOW are people deciding that *this* of all religions needs some kind of "well not ALL missionary work is physical violence" hedging. what is going on. im so frustated because i have seen up close and personal the death cult that it is and to see so many people screaming "nuance!!!!" about the closest thing to a full blown Sauron Level Religion Of Evil makes me feel like im in a twilight zone episode

So I disagree with your fundamental principle that all Christians have that goal. Certainly a large potion, including the politcally powerful Evangelical movement has that approach. And I'm all for calling it out and pointing at it when it happens. And I usually have no problem with people saying "Christianity does [X-Horrible Thing]" when we're really talking about "[Major portion of the politically powerful right wing Christianity] does [X-Horrible thing]."

But here's the fucking thing - what I'm here for is being fucking accurate.

You want to talk about how awful the crusades were? Great. How missionary work is colonialism? Of course it is. But people have just made shit up, and guess what -- I'm going to fucking debunk it when I find it, and I have no patience for misinformation just because it lines up with an ideology that makes someone "comfortable."

Deal with it.

And the reason some people scream "nuance" (not all, I'm sure some are just looking for a way to excuse something) is because NUANCE IS FUCKING IMPORTANT. Black and white thinking is never helpful. Understanding that things can be both positive AND negative at the same time is important. Understanding the world is complex is important. Because guess what, some day you might find that something you find is good and has value is actually bad. But black and white thinking could prevent you from recognizing it, because you're incapable of understanding the good parts don't justify the bad parts.

Like say a missionary does tangible good in a community. They are also doing real harm there too. How do you convince someone who only sees the good that they're harming people if they're just looking at it in black and white thinking? How do you make them understand if they can't see the nuance of the situation?

Likewise, if you can't see nuance, you can't make incremental change in society. Not all changes are sweeping, and sometimes making something a little bit better is more progress than doing nothing. But black and white thinking leads folks to rejecting the ideas that could make things better right now.

Sometimes you need to build the well to keep people from dying of thirst, and evaluate where that well came from afterwards. And sometimes you need to see that what's being offered has consequences, and you might not know to say no unless you look harder.

Life is fucking complicated, and if we don't recognize that, we fuck everything up.

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

hii sorry if this is too venty or depressing or whatever but i really need help

ive been in a qpr with my partner nagisa for like 3 months (weve been friends before that for a few years) and i love him so much ive never wanted anyone in my life more than him. but i am deathly afraid of being a bad partner, and i am even more afraid of him leaving me for someone else even though i know thats not realistic.

he asked one of our ex friends if he could complain to them about something in private and for the rest of the day i felt anxious and sick and guilty like i just killed someone. i cut this friend off mainly because i was so jealous and spiteful (didnt say that tho i feel guilty) (also he was a really shitty person and made me really uncomfortable but it was mainly cuz i was jealous)

whenever im not talking to him my brain shouts to me that im ignoring him and im a horrible cold monster who just has him as a battery to feed my sick desires or whatever the hell that thing tells me at night. whenever i talk to him too much my brain shouts that i look desperate and clingy and i am annoying him hes probably sleeping! but it hurts less than feeling cold. so thats why i try to text him as much as possible. it almost feels like a compulsion, that im not actually texting him because i care and im talking to him so i personally dont feel like shit (ok that made me feel awful to type out but Fuck whatever)

i am not a bad person i really love my partner ive never loved anyone more than him hes the only person i really connect with on a deep level anymore and i think we genuinely have some sort of spiritual bond because of how often we share the same emotions and think the same thoughts at the same time. but i dont really believe in spirituality shit so whatever

he actually has the same issue (but seems to have figured it out better than me) with me and my friend, and it actually made me hate myself so much i have stopped talking to that friend because i dont want him to feel any percent of what i do. when he isn’t there to talk to me i feel alone and abandonded and like my arms have been cut off and like im living without a 3rd dimension. i feel like a normal person when im with him. he is the only thing keeping me sane. i would drop all my friends if he wanted me to

whenever im not talking to him i feel like im neglecting a bird in a cage even though i know he doesn’t need me that much

whats funny is that i dont worry about being a bad person in any other aspect of my life i literally do not give a fuck whether im a bad person because i always justify everything i do in my mind and i cant find a single bad thing ive done. other than the intentionally bad shit i did, of course, i did that stuff to kinda.. give myself something to feel bad for and so i dont feel like im fully a perfect person? hard to put into words

so yeah i guess you get the point! i really need some sort of advice. ive told him this but not really the full extent behind it, just the jealousy and vague mentions of the fear of being bad. i am worried that my anxiety of being a bad partner is leading me to be a bad partner

damn... okay i don't know a lot about this but it sounds like you might be developing a codependency. you should definitely communicate all of this to your partner so you can work together to lessen your anxiety. you also should probably go to therapy but i don't know if that is accessible to you right now. i'm sorry i don't have much else to say but hopefully someone in the replies can also help

[once-vel]

copy-pasted from my cohost. i have been doing some thinking and i thought to myself "what if zakri had dealt with the whole prophet deal better?" and i have come to the conclusion that he kills more people

under the cut because it's loooong.

instead of going through a hell of a years long emotional rollarcoaster he makes the connection of "if i say no velzie will just find another way to get me to do it, or they will make someone else do it, no chance in hell it would be that easy to circumvent all of this. plus there could be unimaginable consequences if i piss off velzie by saying no. so... no point in fighting, i guess" and starts working on being like, okay with it from the get go. except this time he actually gets somewhere with it. coming to terms with and accepting your very terrible fate speedrun

one difference between this timeline and the main timeline is his demeanor is entirely different. the emotional rollercoaster does not happen so his personality never really changes. he stays genuinely gentle and charismatic. he never adopts the rude and mean persona because. well what's the point? being generally likable is convenient. also something something "well i am going to do/have already done enough awful things, may as well be kind to those i can"

now i did say he kills more people. what better way to come to terms with your fate of god telling you to do things like this than, well, getting comfortable with hurting people? he sure would rather not be doing this but well gotta get it done somehow. it's pretty much always carefully planned and indirect, though. sucks! but whatever. you do what you gotta do. notably, he still becomes a surface runner, and the person he gets killed dies the same way, but in this timeline it was more intentional. hence why it doesn't Completely Shatter Him in this timeline.

anyway then collapse happens and the thing with unnamed kiv goes different. he wouldn't even slightly bother with getting them indirectly killed, no he does that shit directly and he does it without flinching. knew he'd have to do this and has already forced himself to comprehend how real everything is, so? just part of the job. something something "why are you doing this?? you used to be so kind..!" / "oh, if you knew why i was doing this, you would understand i am being as kind as i can"

he definitely would really absolutely rather not be doing all this but he's been much more successful at forcibly repressing every single feeling like that here, so. he also gets a little bit sadistic after a while (he is aware of this and has intentionally worked to make it worse). don't worry about it

also while he didn't have concrete proof he would die this timeline, i feel he would have been able to go "hm, my visions cut off after a certain point. i would not be surprised if velzie just decided to kill me at some point". and who knows? maybe this is one of the few timelines where he is allowed to truly survive. maybe velzie took his loyalty and rewarded it. not like it matters either way as this timeline never happens anyway. sure his loyalty is fun but it's nothing compared to making him suffer the whole time

i want to emphasize again that even in this route he's not like... horrible and evil. i mean he sure has done a lot more wrong in this timeline but it was still ultimately because velzie went "look at these horrible things im going to make you to" and he went "damn if velzie is telling me this then i probably dont get a choice. might as well make it easy on myself and fuck myself up in advance" and got to work. and he's kind here!! his kindness is genuine! he's not faking it! he genuinely wants the best for everyone. it's just that, you know, gestures to velzie

as with all other alternate universes/timelines though this is completely noncanon. i call this specific variety of timeline "what... could have been..?" (question marks included)

[studiousbotanist]

having a good night got some important stuff done and about to lay down but also under read more is some grief talk and theres pics of AJ so pleas be careful thanks . #grief #suicide m (IM SAFE ! LOL . MENTIONED IN PASSING !)

i was looking at my friend folder finding somethign goofy to send a pal and i saw this and ;_; i never added my damn image on here ..... this card means everything 2 me still . a really funny bit thats transformed adn i think i would like to print it out . also this comic but this one really just tore me open ! lol !

im carrying it in my heart . AJ was really right with this comic . i miss you hon . it's weird right . like i just go days and days feeling like i'm non existent and i'm not even here the dissasociation is so bad and the only thing tahts helped ground me is talking about the good or bad of how im feeling with everything . im trying to hold it in and move but i mean . i just have no self awareness whether i'm actually Doing the job im trying to (shell everything inside) or if i'm just a mess and its spilling everywhere . i am trying to be more open and concise but its hard when i cant grasp !!! the concept of time LOL and shit ive said ! anyway . anyway . i love my friends . we were put on this earth to hang out and love . i miss AJ and its hard trying to find silver linings to 2023, like . meeting kitt and lynn ! fun birthday ! silverscream con ! got one of the best jobs ive ever had ! but i would trade all of it for march 23rd to have never happened .

it does not feel right trying to find a positive for last year, to be honest . i wish i could just let myself admit it was a horrible year . we lost AJ . i nearly got stabbed again, i was in an awful mental state and i felt drifted further apart from my sis and sil than i had in a while . while a lot of it got better, thankfully, there was just so much rotten there . i nearly attempted again, but i have a wonderful support system irl that i really need to use more . (love you ari and ide and naomh) with all of this said, i can only hope 2024 will be kinder . ive had a couple friends already get terrible news . 11 days in i've got some shaky things going on but man . man . lol enough trying to make positive out of it i just want to cry !!!!!! last year sucked !!!!! last year suuuuuucked ! FUCK last year !!!! THROWING A TANTRUM !!!!!! phew . okay . thank you for reading . i miss my friend . im grateful for the friends that are still around and understand the feeling .

[srlkiller]

ive realised that my self esteem & just general ‘sense of self’/love for myself is so awful & low.. horribly dependant & reliant on something or someONE else these days & i absolutely fucking loathe myself for ittttttt bc im beyond self aware.. yet ive jus never been loved my entire life by even my own parents to be shown that im worth a singular fuck so the bar is so low for humans… i seemingly will jus allow the fucking worst bc i guess subconsciously that’s what ive always been taught/shown/drilled into me by my parents to believe that i deserve? wen i know it’s not at all bc literally NO ONE deserves to be treated like shit by another human being. i have trouble saying the words no to other people. i have a lot of trouble just standing up for myself these days.. especially the lonelier i get, the more isolated i have become & older ive gotten. i found comfort in being alone & definitely got to know myself sm better.. then i went thru horrible shit all over again & lost myself completely.. all over again.. & haven’t been able to rebuild myself back up since then.. ive only gone downhill.. over & over & over. i know that I AM the only one that inevitably can help myself & save myself.. i have to do the work & put in the effort etc etc but it’s so hard with absolutely ZERRROOO support system of any kind & feeling like you have nothing & no one.. not one family member.. not one pet.. nothing at all anymore. everything has been ripped from me, taken by force or by death itself. I’ve been broken sm times but now that ive finally been able to let someone in again on some kind of romantic level.. im terrified.. so im letting them jus walk all over me which is the total opposite of who I am & everything i stand for, emulate as a woman & my whole fucking energy as a being. i don’t recognise myself at all so ive totally seperated myself from whoever this is.. the body, the mind.. the soul. i numb every feeling n thought i can.. whenever i can. but wow just having this huge surgery & putting my body under such duress & jeopardy was lowkey such a wake up call bc wtf?! IVE NEVER DONE NO SHIT LIKE FHIS BEFORE FOR ANYONE ELSE?!?! AND FOR WHAATTTT?!?! HE HAD THE PERF OPPORTUNITY TO DO EVERYTHING FHE RIGHT WAY N STILL FUXKED IT UP TO SATISFY HIS OWN SELFISH NEEDS.. so wtf am i doing? what am i doing risking myself for someone like that… i look stupid, feel stupid.. & could get left at any minute which would send me spiraling for someone who is quite frankly… not even close to what i need in a man or what ive ever wanted. im simply cheating myself out of a great self help story.. as i turn 29.. i reach my last year if my 20’s & I’ll b damned if i waste that shit on some young dumb n full of cum mf who doesn’t even give a fuck ab my health in any capacity who is probably lying n doing god knows what behind my back anyway… I seriously just need to put myself first.. just try.. I need to try. bc remember when I did? how proud I was? how it worked? it’s always worked. time to start writing goals n writing shit down again.. as we start approaching this date n it gets closer n closer.. on the 25/11/23 I’ll be 29 yall. it’s the 13/11/23 today. 11 days to get things in order. my goals don’t even need to be big I jus need to get things ‘in order’… ‘ready for 29’ sounds like a cool lil title.. as my bday is pretty much leading into the New Year anyway it’d b cool to get a lil head start on others too. like the needles into my head for alopecia which I have an appt for jus before my bday.. lashes n brows I have that appt for.. i needa get my actual hair done somehow.. before nye!! change my piercings to cold & possibly get another?! more tattoos!! coverup of the Drake matching one for sure. Look into studying pharmacology or some other career pathway course.. possibly something with units I’ve completed already at uni?? i need to write a list.. basically is what I’m saying as some things are more easy fix small goals that are appearance self care based, some are medium level, some are mental, some are spiritual, some are academic, some will take

[arsen1cs4ng0]

shout out to the chip fandom for being legit TRAUMATIZING. not even saying that as a joke or exaggeration!!! i know/know of so many good people who got their mental health totally RUINED by the awful people there. im one of them!!! its SOO much more horrible than a lot of people realize or even want to talk/think about. so many are literally scared to speak of the effect it had on them because theyre scared itll happen all over again + because it was literally just That Fucking Bad. even im not coming off anon for this. fuck that!!!

from my perspective… theres genuinely like no good people left because they all got chased off + traumatized in the process. i honestly think even the writers themselves got chased off by the toxicity. the hiatuses + *the ending in particular* just line up WAY TOO WELL with awful shit happening for that to not be the case… :/

and it sucks too because it was such a good and diverse story! it was really finally getting interesting!!! some of the plot lines before it all just stopped were legit gut wrenching (/pos!!!) + incredible to watch! the way it humanized the characters was so!!!!!! GOOD!!!!! but it’s all gone now because some people are just total fucking toxic freaks and heckled + harassed literally everyone out of the community no matter how hard it tried to keep stable…. its so depressing. it was fun while it lasted but i never want to go back + it will literally never be the same as it was a couple years ago. and at this point i think that’s a good thing

sorry for the random suuuuper long anon. i know youre a smaller account and probably dont want to talk about this kind of thing. its just been on my mind and youre one of the few people ive seen be openly critical of it all. hope u have a nice day + this finds you well at least!! :)

[ this turns into a rant in the end but its gotta be said lol ]

hi anon, thanks for the ask !! i pretty much have no choice to be open about this all because no-one else ( apart from like. 2 people ) will, i would say much more if it wasnt for my awfully limited vocabulary LOL ( and unless you wanna see a 16 year old cursing and throwing every insult in the english language at the people who hurt / manipulated my friends, well um !!! )

it just hurts seeing the fandom get worse and worse, one of my friends was literally almost driven to suicide because of the toxicity and abuse from the modern fandom, my confidence was snatched away after shit that happened in june - everything has just been SHIT !!!!

ive been actively trying to disassociate from the fandom entirely but its been extremely hard ( especially with my hyperfix on who i call ''little guy the 2st'' - the most i can do is wait for the hyperfix to pass at this point ), everytime i check in i know its just gonna be the same now: people who pretend nothing happened and attempt to cover up everything that happened before they ''''apologized'''' ( and i thought they were gonna keep the bad shit they did up for accountability !! what happened to that ????? ), people who will desparately manipulate unsuspecting people just so their wittle friend can look like the ''uwu sweet bean x3 owo angel who was definitely never ever ever transphobic in their life !!'' - you get the fucking picture at this point LOL

everything has fucking demotivated me and i wish i could fucking scream at Those people, but whats the point of doing so if they're just not gonna pull their heads out of their asses and just admit what they did instead of being like ''WAAAAAH YOURE SUCH A MEAN MEAN PERSON I DIDNT DO THAT AT ALL STOP SPREADING LIES, N-NO !!!!! ;_____;'' ?? i dont care if i get attacked by those people anymore because its only gonna prove my point on how fucking toxic they are i feel so bad for unsuspecting people who dont know how bad the fandom really is and what they'll end up diving into like i did, like my ex-friend did too

again, thanks for the ask anon and im so so so sorry you had to witness this all :[

[whorewithagodcomplex]

sweetheart,

i love ya, but I'm not doing that for the rest of my life, no sir,

everyone knows not to marry into that, and its kinda common sense not to date someone with your type of addiction and just walk away, like we all know its never gonna work if youre constantly making your partner feel like shit because youre always lusting of the things you so desperately want, and yeah you may say that 'your're better, real, youre my love theyre just pictures, theyre just videos, ect) but we all know you wish it was them you could have when your gazing longingly and thirstly at those pictures, you create relationships with all these women, i just happen to be in person version added to the collection, its nasty, and its horrible knowing this will likely never change, cause its 'not that bad' its 'a comfort thing' 'i was alone for so long' and i have to live feeling like im always competing with them, i cant escape them, im so fucking tired of being paranoid that the person i love is going to always be looking at something more appealing, its awful, that constant pit in your stomach everytime hes lookin at a female character a little too closely, or when the girls are everywhere for him, camera roll, most social media, even his wallpapers on all devices, sure theres a photo of you two, sure as a homescreen but its really just a sunset photo and we're hidden in a low corner hidden by apps, and the never paying that close attention to you, you learn as much as you can about him listen to every word he says but doesnt care to know about you, with the exception of major plot points he knows nothing about what you like and why you like it, its either you rarely get a chance to speak, or youre perpetually cut off, or just simply ignored when speaking about yourself, but, he knows everything they say, knows every little detail, their backstories are phenominal and look how hot they are, he wont really say that to you anymore youve shown you dislike, but you know, you always know, so you try your best to be pretty and good enough to be wanted like he wants them, but you never get wanted like that, to be fair you never did, this was the first time someone is showing they love you and want you, but of course if i wasnt wantable before him what makes me wantable now? yknow all his needs are met by them and his ablilty to do so much with them that he feels no need to pay any mind to you beyond the physical and guidance, yeah he loves you, you know that hes shown that, but is it worth the mental and emotional exhaustion it takes to fight for a normal relationship? one where we both feel happy? i know theres no way he isnt miserable too, the contant bickering the anxiety of fucking up, but c'mon man, if you cope properly, like by speaking (without lashing out) to someone when things are too much, not falling further into an obsessive chemical pick-me-up addiction and honestly this sex obsession, youd do so much better, but you wont because its one of them hidden addictions that no one but your friends and people youre close to know about, by your choice, and you think that means its totally fine, because I'll stick around regardless right? cause i have this long and im making life plans with you and i love you more than youll ever know and as long as i dont see it' or notice it its fine, it wont kill me, youll keep going until im about to cut my losses and you promise and youll try you really will, but itll creep back and we'll be back at square one, or youll get better at hiding it from me, youre already pretty good at it now, ill bet money that if i got 3 hours and all your passwords id find cia sized files everywhere and id puke and cry myself to sleep for months, and i know youll only get better at it, and i dont want to be paranoid that your girls are still around my whole life, what kind of example am i setting for my daughters if i just let myself live like that, god id kill my son-in-law if he made her feel like that, honestly id kill him for most of the things youve done, so why am i letting it happen to me???

[despite-everything]

i dont even know what im going to write but huge trigger warning for issues related to self harm if you read this. i know i seriously need more psychological help but i dont even know what to do at this point. theres certain things i know that i need to do but feel like i cant and i feel like im sabotaging my future self but at the same time im doing so fucking horribly in the moment that i can barely think of anything beyond the present. like im trying so fucking hard to get better but literally just the tiniest change is setting me off these days. the barber cut my sideburns so they're basically shaved off and blunt whereas i prefer to have them come to a point so there is a little bit of hair under my glasses in front of my ears, but i forgot to tell it to the barber today so he cut that off. and i hate hate hate the way it looks and its a change i wasnt ready for and it freaked me out so much that despite doing all these fucking coping skills and breathing and shit that i spent more than a decade in therapy working on, i couldnt handle it. i guess this is where the trigger warning comes in and like i dont even know if im going to post this or not but i need to get it out there because this is just too fucking much but i freaked out and let myself break a bottle and then cleaned it up because usually breaking glass snaps me out of a downward spiral - its not the best thing to do but its usually a reliable last-ditch tool, but it did fucking nothing today and i fucking relapsed anyway. so i hurt myself pretty badly and then couldnt stop pacing and freaking out and pulling at my hair, and now ive calmed down a bit but still feel awful and now theres blood all over me and the floor and some even got on the wall in my apartment and i want to cry but i cant. i feel horrible and just want to crawl in bed but i dont want to get blood on the mattress and i know id soak through the streets, but i feel like i cant get clean yet and im really upset with myself and its this terrible feedback loop. and like i feel paralyzed. my computer was near where i ended up and now im trying to listen to music i love and im typing this out because i need to get it out smewhere or else im going to scream but like i cant even go pet my cat cause im fucking covered in blood and got it on my computer and everything about this is horrible and yet i still want to keep hurting myself. im not right now and im trying so fucking hard to get over this but like this is so bad. its just awful because i know progress isnt linear but i didnt think a relapse would be this bad. and i know i know i know that things can get better. but ive been like this since 2008 and it only seems to be getting worse and the world seems to be getting worse and i try so hard to be optimistic and focus on the good but i feel like im drowning all the time and its like the very most i can do is just not kill myself. im just so tired and so unhappy and yeah some things have been great lately but its only at work and everything else is so fucking horrible i dont know if i can handle it