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suffarustuffaru · 6 months ago

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Looking at your past art has me really loving your drag king Natsumi, do you have any more thoughts on them? I'd love to hear them. Also just your genderbend ideas in general. They are very interesting!

for future reference, here is where i drew some drag king natsumi + sapphic ottosuba :) i definitely plan on making more genderbend au content in the future thats for sure! :o i have another older art post on this here also (i am. too lazy to find it rn but its there somewhere!!) but i have some in depth thoughts about fembaru for sure yes :3 ty for finding my genderbend ideas interesting!! :D !! id be happy to talk about them more :o

im gonna start with outward design stuff / gender presentation first!! :D bc in my head, afab subaru probably looks almost exactly the same. in general, canon subaru’s most likely at least a little androgynous (and i think he probably is judging off of how much he passes as the opposite sex!!), and we know hes got his dad’s spiky black hair and his mom’s mean eyes and general facial shape, has a long torso, that sort of thing, so i think afab subaru would look similar :o

plus i like to treat fembaru as basically just the mirror/foil/inverse of canon amab subaru anyway, so yep natsumi schwartz is gonna be her male persona!! canon amab subaru was mistaken as a girl when he was a child, and he also went to high school (iirc it was high school but at the very least he was about the same age he is during arc 1) for three days as natsumi yes and passed for three days. iirc he would put on the girl’s uniform and wig and stuff on the way to school and out of his parents’ view and then put on the male uniform and take off the wig before he got home!! plus you know he’d generally practice makeup most likely and wig styling and all sorts of things in private.

so definitely afab subaru is doing similar stuff but in the opposite direction now—looking more masc and presenting as a boy. while amab subaru can put on and take off a wig, in my head, afab subaru would probably have to have shorter hair. so one day she just got a haircut thats short enough to where she could style it masculinely but longer enough to where it could still be kinda considered feminine enough!!

im not 100% sure how to draw her hair yet but in my earlier post and a few of my sketches it kinda looks like either a long mullet/wolfcut or a messy bob :3 i think you could probably say that her hair looks more like a wacky bob when shes more feminine and a wolfcut when shes styling it more masculinely?

(^^ my take on fem wrathbaru is here also LMAO)

i also base my fembaru design off of canon natsumi!! with the side bang (though i sometimes draw it on the wrong side akdnd)!! meanwhile fembaru’s male natsumi would have canon amab subaru’s hair :) (which you can see in my earlier post as well!!)

(i like this illustration actually <3)

i also like to hc that on top of subaru wanting to look and act more like his dad in canon, he did also kinda want to resemble his mom when hes presenting more femininely :o also for genderbend aus it depends on whether you ONLY want to genderbend subaru or if you wanna genderbend everyone along with subaru too, that sort of thing. i like to play with both possibilities :o

but in general, i like the idea of subaru either way trying to honor both her mom and dad. maybe to subaru her mom is what an ideal woman should be perhaps, and her dad is the ideal man, bc subarus parents are her biggest role models, so she tries to emulate both at different points in her life. she tries to be the perfect soft sweet girl like her mom and it doesnt work. she leans into being a bit of a delinquent and it doesnt work. then she cuts her hair and learns to present more masculinely and tries to copy her dad only to fail again. :((( then she gets isekaied……

i feel like afab subaru might get a bit more shit for getting into trouble too :(( or for being too loud. shes not very traditionally ladylike, i think!! boys will be boys and of course your daughter takes after you, kenichi, but dont you think shes a little too rough around the edges now?

anyway otherwise in general, i also like the idea that over the course of each arc in the fantasy world, subaru grows her hair out!! and once its long enough she can put it into a ponytail like her mom again :,)))

(male rem is here too <3)

also i like to give fembaru the maid dress instead of the butler outfit!!! probably not with the garter and stuff but 😭😭 its a pretty dress and fembaru should get to express herself both masculinely and femininely :3 in my head, i think subaru would be shy bc AGHH THIS DRESS IS SO REVEALING THERES NO WAY ID LOOK GOOD IN THIS IM NOT PRETTY AT ALL and rem and ram (genderbent or not) are probably like nonsense just try the dress. its your uniform to work here. and subaru does and huhhhh. maybe i dont look half bad ? :,) (bc of course subaru’s insecurities either present themselves the same or slightly different when genderbended). and of course when rem and ram warm up to subaru eventually ram can be like “you dont look as bad as i thought youd look” or something and rem can be like “subaru-kun youre very beautiful anyways!!!! <3”

and also i do think subaru would cut her hair a bit again or style it different for natsumi adventures later in arc 7 <3 just to have that symmetry again. the situation probably might go a little different but yep this is how id handle it 👍

and of course you can give subaru the canon natsumi hair bow sometimes when shes feeling fancy :3

OKAY and now im gonna talk about more character stuff!! lets talk about subarus whole thing with isekai and genre savviness and all that.

one of canon subaru’s many many Many parts making him up as a character and making up his story in general is a deconstruction of the isekai genre!! power fantasy and characters being cardboard cutouts for the male mc to triumph without a struggle—that sort of thing. but afab subaru is a female lead now, and female isekai is different.

id have to do way more research into this and watch more female isekai and shoujo and stuff (ive been Really wanting to watch im in love with the villainess…… someday i will…..). buuut from what ive noticed so far it seems like for male lead isekai the fantasy here is the Power and Prestige, but female lead isekai’s fantasy seems to be the Romance!! not that you cant have OP abilities in female lead isekais and not that every isekai is 100% the same of course. but that seems to be the common tropes from what ive seen so far? male isekai protags have girls throwing themselves at him as trophies, female lead isekais have their male romantic interests and the evil evil villainesses are defeated somehow and perfectly out of the way <3 the fantasy is that youll be loved by The One—the perfect boy(s) <3

and i think amab subaru is less likely to check out much female lead isekai but i think itd be fun if afab subaru would probably focus on female lead isekai but also a bit on male lead isekai as well!! she wants that absolute path to glory AND love. (and ahahhahahaha please ignore the gazillion ikemen anime figurines in her room hahahahahhahhahahahah AND DEFINITELY IGNORE THE SILVER HAIRED ONES. ESPECIALLY THE ONLY GIRL FIGURINE SHE HAS THATS BEEN GATHERING DUST UNDER HER BED—)

but also bc i think amab subarus more likely to go nah i wont look at girly media while maybe afab subarus like godddddddd i want instant OP abilitiessssssssssss and godddddddd i want hot girls around m—WHAT. WHAT. WHO SAID THAT WHO SAID THAT—

anyway so subaru gets isekaied and shes like SWEEETTT A NEW BEGINNING AWAY FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO MEET EXPECTATIONS HAHAHAHAHA IM THE ISEKAI PROTAG!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!! (is about to get her shit rocked). and shes like ooooh do i have any abilities (nope) and oooohhhhhh shit do i have a villainess. AM I THE VILLAINESS???? no way right. anyway lol wheres the ikemen who’ll ill marry one day. the ikemen that falls in love….. with a commoner……… like myself teehee… and they get married…… and the villainess is CONQUERED….

anyway so what im saying is. ………….fembaru is a femcel. AND a pick me. AND a disaster bisexual. you could practically imagine a vine boom after each of those.

i think the biggest most important to me with genderbend aus is keeping the humanity of the characters the same the best i can!! and fembaru is STILL subaru, of course shes fucking cringe!! of course shes got a heart of gold but its under layers of cringe!!! of course shes a nerd who doesnt have any friends at first and trips and stumbles through all the shit being thrown her way!!

also if male subaru is bi then so is fem subaru okay. we’re equal opportunity here. and also amab subaru has issues with his masculinity and uhhhh slight things with women (see: his boob comments in season 1…….. subaru i love you but cmon man). so. afab subaru i think has got a terrible case of internalized misogyny / homophobia / PROBABLY SOME COMPHET TOO LMFAO 😭😭

i think general plot beats (whether its only genderbending subaru or genderbending everyone) goes mostly the same but again, slight differences. im gonna go with only subaru being genderbent atm bc thatd have more differences i think :o

yes ok so subaru’s gonna see reinhard and go GASPPP oh my god. pretty ikemen. ohhhhhh oughhhhh hes so pretty. hes clearly main lead material… ohhhh what do i do ive never talked to people in so long and hes so PRETTY FUUUCKKKKK BUT I DONT WANNA BOTHER HIM EITHER AND PUT HIM IN DANGER. um um um um mmumimimm HE CLOSED THE DISTANCE BETWEEN US TOO???? what the hell what the fuck what the fuck shit shit um think THINK SUBARU THINK YOU HAVE CHARM RIGHT?? YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU CAN CHARM A HOT GUY. ARGGHHH— *explodes*

but also subaru sees emilia and gets that “do i wanna be her or be with her” feeling 😭😭 bc emilias so….. cute…. pretty… and NICE TOO?? WITH A FUN PERSONALITY??? SHIT SHES GOT EVERYTHING!! she went out of her way to save me 🥺🥺 and im just dragging her down 😔😔 BUT FUCKKKK I HATEEEE HOW GOOD SHE IS. and then :,)))) theyre both dying in the warehouse… and the first time subaru feels the touch of another girl in a more intimate light is her and emilia holding hands as they die…………….

SO YEAH THEN SUBARU RBDS :,,)))) so like. do you get what im saying. emisuba and remsuba and satella are subaru’s first sapphic heartbreaks and heartaches. muahahaha!!!! insert more evil laughter here!!!! bc since subarus a girl her relationships with emisuba and remsuba are definitely gonna be perceived (both by other people and rem emilia subaru) more so as friendships first and foremost.

so….. subarus getting the codependent homoerotic teenage friendship bright and early HAH. but i cannot blame her!! i too would go insane if i was put in a new unfamiliar world and i met this cute girl i was both jealous of and a little into and then we both died and the last thing i felt was searing pain and her soft fingertips!!! i too would go insane if i thought this maid was my friend but then she tortured me and—and—

but yeah you know how amab subaru has his whole weird complex bromances with reinhard and julius and otto?? now itll be like that but with emilia (the julius and reinhard…) and rem (the otto….). emilias the girl subaru’s having “do i wanna be her or be with her” weird rivalry shit with (subaru’s internalized misogyny probably also adding to this bc Obviously theyre rivals) and rem’s the girl who brutally betrays subaru personally (worlds worst homoerotic teenage friendship breakup of all time 😭😭) but then she later becomes subaru’s loyal best friend???? crazy shit.

and like emilia and rem are totaaally villainesses in subaru’s way (except emilias sweet af and misjudged by the entire world and subaru doesnt have the heart to fight rem and also shes chugging copium and trying not to think about failed loops. or about her gay feelings). toxic yuri is toxic yuri-ing. subaru doesnt wanna be explicit about it….. emilia isnt sure of her feelings other than stuff like caring a lot abt subaru… and rem is. Rem. so theyre all in gay situationship limbo HAH.

also as an afab person too rip subaru for also having periods while the whole world is ending on repeat 😭😭 LMFAOO. im sure theres medieval fantasy remedies though (and rem is 1000% spoiling subaru on her period)

also no one can tell me that echidna and rem WOULDNT still be into subaru as much as they are in canon. subaru regardless of gender fascinates echidna and her greed. subaru regardless of gender is someone rem will grow very very attached to. and if anything, rem would get way more bold with afab subaru.

bc the thing with female relationships is that i feel like theres a higher level of intimacy that you gotta go to for it to be considered more romantic or homoerotic. with guys it could be like holding hands and other people might be like WOAH THATS GAY, but if girls do the same thing its like aww youre such good friends. i think rem would take advantage of her and subaru being the same sex and she’d probably keep trying like “hey um um wanna cuddle together?? in the same bed?? and bathe together teehee?? i can help do your hair and dress you up? and make lots of cute dresses for you ? :) <3 🥰 and i can even massage your bo—I MEAN YOUR BACK. YOUR BACK!!” or it’ll be like. rem gets a little too happy that her and subaru’s periods get synced up or something 😭😭 shes Not Normal (and unfortunately subarus probably a little too into that)

also unfortunately the other time a girl touched subaru intimately was satella squeezing her heart :(((( and hahahah between that and rem and emilia and later echidna…. ohhhh poor subaru and her terrible toxic yuri 😭😭 her sapphic experiences and experiences with women have not been 1000% great.

but also of course subaru is so very not normal. you have the canon typical “lol every memory is a good one <3 even rem torturing me teehee <33” and also i just think itd be funny if you as an audience is lead to believe subarus jealous of emilia and rem’s boob sizes and no. no shes just gay. shes GAY.

and stuff like everything going on with julius and otto gets recharacterized too. bc subarus a girl and the guys are guys its probably gonna get perceived more both in and out of universe in a more. Quite Literally Straightforward light. esp bc subaru’s still gonna be into reinhard and julius lbr HAH.

i want arc 3 to still be an absolute fucking disaster with fembaru. let fembaru be flawed and ugly!!!! so in my au thoughts here itd be like. subaru feels jealous and threatened by lots of people. emilia, though its subsided a bit after becoming friends and after learning a bit more abt emilia as a person. but also i think subaru could feel so so jealous of the royal candidates!! esp crusch priscilla anastasia even though subaru will 1000% think theyre bitches at first during arc 3. bc theyre such strong determined women who seem way more confident than subaru herself is…. and also im sure there’ll be complex thoughts from her on felix too bc crossdressing… gender presentation… is a complex thing for subaru.

and subaru with julius is like. “get away from emilia!!!! shes mine!!! shes MY best friend that im homoerotically codependent on and obsessive of!!!! and also youre just trying to steal reinhard’s ikemen male lead spot huh!!!!! bastard!!!! (i hate that youre so pretty too)” and everything of course blows up in subaru’s face. im sure at some point in the story subaru might get slutshamed for having all these connections to people and romantic threads (especially since shes afab) but also its like. wow shes such a stupid girl lol causing a racket.

and uh being a man beating up a girl looks a little worse due to gender roles and stuff but lot of the knights are still gonna want to go after subaru and julius is still gonna want to save subaru. :,,)))) arc 3 emisuba breakup….. worlds worst sapphic breakup of all time…. and later rem will be the one that got away also :(((((

but yeah i think in general this subaru’s connections would be a little more. subtexty with the girls bc she’d be more hesitant to be explicit. but a bit more explicit with the guys bc itll be easily perceived as romantic in and out of universe. and of course subaru i think will be flustered in different ways between the girls vs guys—with the girls its OHH GOD I CANT BE GAY I CANT BE GAY NOOOOO I HAVE A RIVALRY!!! IM SO JEALOUS OF THEM!! BUT. BUT I LIKE THEM!! OHH GOD. with the guys its OH NO. GOOD LOOKING GUYS???? FML. FML!!!!! WHERES MY MAIN CHARACTER CHARM??? HOW DO I TALK TO GUYS???? JULIUS STOP MAKING FUNNOF ME!!! >:(((

also brief note on otto bc things are probably gonna go different here qkdnd. like i definitely am of course of the opinion that otto fell in love with subaru. in every damn arc in every damn main route otto side content hes getting unhinged over subaru in a way that i think makes a little less sense if you dont view it as otto just Not Being Normal About Subaru in a perhaps vaguely homoerotic way. Possibly? Maybe? Schrodinger's relationship blues.

but subarus afab now!! and ottos still a guy!!! and reinhard and julius are friendly with subaru right, but at around arc 4 things they dont show explicit romantic interest. (i think arc 5-6+ julisuba and juliemisuba would be 👀👀👀 though.) but otto?? in a universe where subaru is a girl??? well now its more acceptable for him to be grow openly head over heels for subaru. but also its probably also more pathetic bc now its probably gonna be more obviously taken by others as otto having a Romantic crush on subaru. regardless of whatever otto's feelings are.

and subarus had her arc 3 development right. but here its like. you wanted a male character who’d fall in love with you and be loyal to you and do Anything for you???? here you go!!! but also given otto is Like That and gets worse by arc 7-8 i think hes gonna seem a bit more sinister. not that canon otto with canon subaru isnt sinister but theres different connotations to male otto paired with female subaru. bc it sort of follows straight dark romance rules, right, with the cunning possessive male love interest and the female protagonist…

i doubt anything explicit would go on between otto and subaru in an au like this bc 1. otto and his avoidant attachment LMFAO and 2. subaru and her issues also and 3. subaru in main route is Not as into otto to the same extent or degree otto is HAH.

and fembarus probably like. i think itd be funny if she was a little disappointed otto wasnt a girl 😭😭😭 but then later hes weird about crossdressing and shes like why dont you wanna do it huh 👁👁👁👁 why are you weird about it 👁👁👁👁 im staring at your glass closet right now—

and also its like. “WHY ARE YOU THE FIRST BOY TO ACTUALLY BE IN LOVE WITH ME WHAT???” which i think is hilarious but i also think it could be fascinating in terms of playing with gender!! bc otto may want to be in control of things, but hes also so subservient to subaru anyway. otto and subaru are both androgynous; otto can pass as a girl and subaru can pass as a boy. if you wanna simplify things further you could also explain this as—otto is a man who looks like a woman who’s pledged his servitude to a woman who looks like a man. very intriguing imo!!

but of course ottosuba power dynamics are Always shifting over and over like a game of tug of war, but the most common thing is that otto will bow his head to subaru but under the surface ottos trying to be in charge. that sort of thing!! and the idea of male otto servicing female subaru is an idea rezero ao3 seems to like also but :,) lets just say its not fully to my taste haha :,,))

and otto is definitely not gonna beat up subaru’s ass so easily this time around bc itd look so bad and he’d know that lmfao 😭😭

but i think theres a lot of potential to play around with gender roles and such with all of these dynamics!! im very passionate about making my genderbend au ideas as wild and layered as possible :o !!

this is all my main ideas atm (and id love to draw stuff like more drag king natsumi or fem reinsuba :) ) but yes i hope this all makes sense :D !! thanks for reading this far and thanks for the ask!!

#rezero #re:zero #natsuki subaru #uhh should i tag the others….. i guess so #reinhard van astrea #julius juukulius #emilia #rem #otto suwen #ask #gender au #genderbend #save for later #i need to write or draw more stuff on this eventually :<<

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copias-sewer-rat · 1 year ago

Text

Against the forces of Heaven and Hell, just us.

PART 1|PART 2|

What does really mean to fall? As an angel that question wasn’t unfamiliar to you. Moreover, you have been questioning the heavenly gospel for a very long time. It all started when you met a human-loving demon and ever since then you had strayed from heaven’s path.

⸸tags: Good Omens AU, no serious tw (for now) but maybe sexual innuendos and foul language, around 4.5K words, Copia goes by he/they and the angel has no pronouns so it fits everyone who reads. Hope you enjoy this first chapter!

⸸ my masterlist ⸸

⸸ read it on Ao3 ⸸

I. ENJOY THE SILENCE

“Tis one thing to be tempted, Escalus, another thing to fall.”

William Shakespeare - Measure for Measure

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18/8/2023

'There is something beautiful about demons. You might think it is ineffable, but I’ve had enough time to think, to know what is so special about them, let me tell you. Mainly, they get to experience all the pleasures that humans create for themselves without any sort of negative consequence. Exquisite food and refreshing beverages are those pleasures that we angels can indulge in but can never take too far. Demons can also enjoy the sin of the flesh without repercussion -not that I am interested, just curious…- Demons get all that, but we get to love and trust God, and that is more than enough. I have no doubt about God’s love, but humans portray the enjoyment of another one’s body in such a pure way it makes me a tad jealous.'

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You put your diary down, not really sure how to continue something like that. You decide to focus on something else. The painting before you is mesmerizing. The Kiss, by Francesco Hayez, portrays the most tender embrace between a man and a woman. The image is still, but you swear that you can see the man gently caressing the face of his lover, and the woman trying to put her hands around the man’s neck. The painting was part of a temporary exhibition. It was brought from Milan to the Galeria degli Uffizi in Firenze-or Florence as English people say-. There is where you spend most of your time, contemplating your existence as an immortal and holy being.

Looking at the picture, you begin to reminisce about how your love and understanding of human art and knowledge, and as a result of humans themselves, had started in the first place. Your arrival to Earth had been long ago, exactly the day when the Great Library of Alexandria had burned down in 48 BC. The pain for all the knowledge lost was enough to make you come down from heaven, but it was too late. You had been interested in humans for a while. Curious about those creatures God had created so long ago in her image. However, your appreciation of humans was always done from the distance of your heavenly office.

The Library of Alexandria was an astonishing building, so enormous in size and in meaning. Formed by structures of white and grey stone with beautiful engravings, all of it surrounded by a luscious garden and the glorious city of Alexandria itself. It was the place the humans had erected to keep their precious knowledge for all eternity. So, when you saw the fire start, you had no choice but to come down. You had gone down to Earth without permission. The punishment would be severe but nothing compared to what you were feeling by seeing those flames. It was knowledge being destroyed without salvation, you had to do something, and maybe that thought alone made you a bit selfish. Despite that, not even a miracle could help restore so much without being too obvious.

Not everything was bad that day, however. There, between the clouds of smoke and the heat from the flames you had met your very first demon. For sure, it would have been a negative experience if it hadn’t been for him. They stood there, in the exact middle of the library, looking everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Their beauty was ethereal and androgynous, which felt a bit dangerous. Their hair, long, wavy and soft brown fell gracefully over their shoulders. Also, two locks of hair on the top of his hair were raised as if to give the impression that he had horns, bold choice. Lastly, he wore a black tunic, which was very fitting for a demon. The demonic look was completed by pointy ears and a couple of mismatched eyes, one white and one green and… freckles. They were very light but also distributed throughout the whole face and making it look like a map of the night sky. But that wasn’t all. It seemed that the demon had smeared some of the ash on his eyes, maybe as some kind of human disguise that you didn’t understand, or even to celebrate his demonic deed.

You were about to blame him for the fire until you noticed the look on his face. He seemed tired and in distress. A pain equal to yours for the loss of words, art and knowledge.

“I assume this wasn’t your doing? Judging by your expression…” The demon suddenly turned to you, a bit taken aback. He hadn’t noticed your presence until that very instant, and for sure they weren’t expecting an angel.

“N-no, i- it wasn’t. But it wasn’t a human act either.” - You did not know that demons stuttered…- He looked down and you could swear you could hear the cogs turning in his head.

“You then believe this despicable act to have been caused by another demon?” He shook his head. “Not exactly. If this had been planned or acted by my kind, I would have known.”

“Are you insinuating this was a plan from my side? Preposterous! It is impossible. God would never allow something like this to happen!” The demon chuckled bitterly at your words.

“You haven’t been down here a lot, huh, angel?” He savoured that last word as if he hadn’t said it in a long time. It was your time to shake your head. “God and her archangels like to do things like these from time to time, or even allow them to happen, just to test humans and have some fun.” You could not believe your ears. You hadn’t read anything of the sort while in heaven.

“How do I know you are not lying to me? Why put that ash around your eyes if it is not to disguise yourself?” The demon rose an eyebrow at your accusation.

“Ash? What are you-?” He touched his eyes and looked at his long-nailed fingers. “Oh… I hadn’t even noticed. It was so anguishing here during the fire… I tried to save everything I could, but some of the scrolls broke on my hands. Maybe I smeared the ash on my eyes without noticing…” He looked defeated, but still gave you a toothy smile. His fangs were big and shiny. You felt your cheeks heat a bit… weird.

“Ahem. Well, if it is any consolation… I believe you, demon. But I do NOT believe that this was heaven’s doing.” The demonic creature tilted their head.

“Stay a bit longer on Earth, angel. Then you will see.” You were surprised at their suggestion. They probably could see it too because you heard a chuckle.

“Are you trying to tempt me?” The demon fully laughed at your question.

“Clearly not, angel. Do you find Earth tempting by any chance?”

“It is not like that. But obviously Earth is where temptations and sin become a reality, you could be planning something.” You scoffed. They smiled at your words and for the first time, you could truly see that their demonic nature.

“Then we are lucky that you seem to be such a… pure and incorruptible angel…” An awkward cough escaped your lips, but your eyes could not leave the demon’s mismatched ones. You thought to yourself that he didn’t know you, that you didn’t know what you are capable of yourself, and that scared you a bit. You decided to put up the front of the perfect angel and keep the conversation going.

“I should get back, there is a lot of paperwork waiting for me… after this… But even if I did accept to stay here… I wouldn’t trust anybody who is so rude that they don’t even introduce themselves in the first place.” The nameless demon snorted at your comment, made a deep but gentle reverence and looked back at you.

“The name’s Copia. What about you, angel?” You told them your name and they hummed. “Bel nome. It suits you.”

“What was that?”

“Mm? Oh! Italian. It is a language that some humans will start speaking in a few centuries, it is my favourite one, so I am learning it in advance.” That was endearing. He was interested in human culture as you were, even more, if that was possible.

“I think I will hang out on Earth for a bit, then… I will ask for a transfer, I know an angel in the heavenly administration that owes me a favour. Maybe I can investigate what’s going on, and learn a thing or two about humans.” Copia nodded.

“Angel, you won’t regret it, I assure you. Humans are the most delectable little creatures. I would also like to know the reason for the fire. Maybe we can even work together.” Suddenly the demon Copia was right beside you, nudging at your side.

“What a crazy idea! We belong to different sides. Neither of them would allow something like that!” To your words, Copia exhaled exaggeratedly.

“You would be surprised to know how little do hell and heaven actually care about what happens here.” You turned to look at him with a brow raised.

“That I cannot believe. Heaven cares a great deal about the humans, I have read about it.” Copia crossed his arms, as if about to lecture you.

“Antagonizing hell and caring for humans are two different things, angel. Heaven and hell only want to be on top, like greedy lovers who secretly hate one another but cannot stop fucking. It is a game of power, humans are only the pawns.” You blushed at his choice of words.

“What are you saying, demon?”

“I am saying that there are beings like you and me that love humans because they are deeply interesting and complex, but that is not the norm. I would like it to be though.” Me too, you thought. You also thought about the nature of the demon right in front of you. He was so different to those you had heard about up in heaven. You were told they were arrogant and selfish creatures, but Copia didn’t seem like either of those things.

“How do you know so much? Who are you?” To your question, Copia gave you a guttural laugh.

“That is a conversation for another time I am afraid, angel. After all, we just met. I cannot give away all my secrets on our first encounter.” You felt your cheeks heat again as the demon’s eyes glistened with an emotion that you didn’t couldn’t quite place yet.

You hadn’t noticed, but during your conversation with Copia there had been black clouds forming above you, and then something started to fall. You extended your hand and grabbed what seemed to be floating flakes.

“Do you know what is this, Copia?”

“Well, humans would call it snow. Which is very cold, previously-condensed water falling to the Earth. But this isn’t it. This is ash from the fire, a reminder of my failure.”

“You did not fail… you couldn’t have known.” You were surprised by your compassionate tone. You were having compassion for a demon.

“Thank you for the kind words, but I do not deserve them. I am a demon, remember?” It was like they just read your mind.

“It is taking me a bit to actually believe that, Copia. And snow sounds beautiful, I wish I could see the real deal.” You smiled at him.

“You will someday, angel. I am sure.” There was a somber aura to his tone, as if he wasn’t entirely sure about it but wanted to believe that it would happen nonetheless.

As the flakes continued to fall, both of you were starting to get covered in ash. The feeling on your skin was not an unwelcome one, it felt soft and gentle. You touched your arm, taking all the flakes that had fallen there and making a trail on your skin. Copia looked at you with an amused look. Then, you looked at your ash-coated fingers and thought of something. You turned so Copia could not look at your face. The ash was easy to manipulate, dark and velvety, and in an instant you had copied Copia’s ‘eye makeup’. With a twirl of your feet, you showed the demon your new look and he rose his eyebrows.

“How do I look?” You said adorably cupping your face.

“With all honesty, I don’t think it is too flattering on you, angioletto.” You smiled.

“I imagined so. You looked so cool, I wanted to give it a shot.”

“Cool, huh… I guess it adds to the demonic look.”

“It is more than that, I think. It accentuates your eyes, gives them depth and character.” You stepped closer, getting on your tiptoes, trying to prove the statement to yourself. Copia rose his eyebrows again. There was also a small tint of pink on his cheeks.

“I-in any case. I think is time for me to go.”

“Oh… then wait for just a second.” Very gently you took a carcass of a scroll that was at your feet, put your hand over it and miracled it back to its original state. It was a tiny miracle, nobody would notice. “We cannot do this with the whole library sadly, but not everything is lost, Copia. There is always hope, and we will find out why this happened.” You handed him the scroll, it seemed to be a poem, but you were not sure of what. Copia gave you a puzzled look. “Have this as a memento, as a reminder to keep loving humans, no matter what.”

Copia extended his hand and grabbed the scroll. You were sure that it was an accident but his fingers brushed yours, just for a second. You felt the heat of his skin, and even for a moment, it felt intoxicating. That is when it all began for you, since then you became obsessed with the human idea of connection and all its derivatives.

Copia took the scroll and hugged it tightly.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“That is perfectly fine, Copia.”

You smiled, said your goodbyes to them and left.

----

The leader of your heavenly section was pissed, but ultimately they let you get off with only a warning. They didn’t even notice the miracle. It was then time to visit the administrative section of heaven that was in charge of assigning angels to Earth. It was a section that not many visited, most did not want to spend time there. For a second, you remembered your conversation with Copia. How he had told you that heaven and hell didn’t care at all. Maybe he was right. You reached your destination: the desk of the angel that owed you a favour.

You had helped them a while ago to get the post they currently held. The angel did not want to work much. They wanted to be in a section that did not receive many visits or paperwork. You suggested the Earth dispatch section, talked to the right people and the angel was transferred. You did not think at the time that little favour would help you in the future, but you were glad it did.

You told the angel that you wanted to be dispatched to Earth. They asked you for how long and you answered that indefinitely. They looked at you as if you were the weirdest being in existence. Maybe you were. After a lot of convincing, your wish came true.

The first day on Earth was difficult. You had been dispatched close to Alexandria and so you decided to look for any clues that would point towards the reason for the fire or even its culprit. Sadly, when you got to the destroyed remnants of the library, almost every salvageable piece of art or literature had been ransacked. You felt defeated, and it was only your first day on Earth. This is what you always wanted, a purpose linked to humans. You weren’t going to give up so easily.

It was difficult to navigate the library, or what stood of it. Pillars and debris making inaccessible some of its most important sections. After a couple of hours of investigation without any luck, you were properly ready to give up. Suddenly, something caught your eye, you don’t remember how, it was like an instinct of some sort, but then you saw a section that wasn’t there before. It was also destroyed in its majority and everything inside was burned to the ground, but there was a name on the entrance, the name of the section which you learned later, it translated to English as: ‘The Shared Archive’. You decided to give it a shot, to try and find anything of worth, and you did.

Inside a pile of ash, you found a scroll, it seemed intact enough, so you took it. You didn’t know what it said at first, but time later when you were able to translate it you were shocked by its content. The scroll said:

“Cain kills Abel - Heaven +1; Abel kills Cain - Hell +1”

----

You rise from your seat. It had been an hour since you had put your diary down. People were starting to look at you weirdly, but you don’t care. The gallery was about to close for the day so you took your leave. You had been reminiscing for far too long, and you were late. The streets of Florence were as always full of life, with locals enjoying the afternoon and tourists taking pictures and enjoying the beautiful sights that the city had to offer.

After a short walk, you reached your shop, an antiquary, full of paintings, statues, books and everything that could come to mind. The sign at the door said closed, but the door was unlocked… weird. You stepped inside, not very sure about what was going to happen and-

“You are late, angioletto…” Copia’s voice surged from the shadows, a white eye piercing through the darkness of your store and looking directly at you.

“Dear, you scared the living heaven out of me!” Copia chuckled.

“Good, you deserve it. We are late. I made the reservation for 9 pm. It is 9 pm and we are not there.” You put your hands on your knees and gave Copia a small apology bow.

“I am very sorry, dear. I lost track of the time.” You hear Copia’s steps slowly getting closer to you and then a gloved hand graces your shoulder.

“It is okie-dokie, I know you would. That is why I moved the reservation to 9.30 pm.” You rise very slowly with an annoyed look on your face.

“You scoundrel of a demon! You are incorrigible… You made me worry for nothing!” Copia laughs uncontrollably, wiping a tear that had formed in his green eye because of the laughter. You feel embarrassed and a bit angry at him, which is noticeable by the red on your ears.

“It is quite impressive that you made it here before the sunrise. Were you at the Galleria degli Uffici again?” You press your lips, feeling seen by the demon.

“Em… yes…” The words come out timidly. “There was a new exhibition, I had to see it. You know how I am…” Copia smiles fondly and his fangs shine with the light coming from the outside.

“I know, I know… once again angioletto, that is why I changed the reservation. However, if we don’t make haste my efforts would have been in vain.” You nod, leaving the diary on the entrance table and making your exit with Copia by your side.

----

The sun has set, and the lights of the streetlamps mix with that of the full moon, drenching the city of Florence in a dreamy atmosphere as if had been painted by Claude Monet himself. Thanks to the ethereal shine of the city, you can now observe Copia who walks silently right beside you. He is wearing black gloves with golden nails on the outside. A long black coat covering a black turtleneck and the crimson suit pants he always likes to wear. Very smart and expensive black Italian tailored shoes cover his feet. The look is complete as always by the accessories: a silver upside-down cross necklace adorning his chest, a metal earring on his pointy left ear with the symbol of that band he likes to help sometimes and a pair of round sunglasses hiding his mismatched gaze -you had told him a thousand times that it wasn’t necessary, that wearing sunglasses in the dark would attract more attention to him rather than the fact that he had a white eye and a green eye, he didn’t care, he likes the drama-.

His hair was still long, over his shoulders for your disappointment, but still long. He has taken some of it in a ponytail and the rest is set loose- except for the curls on the top that look like horns, those are always there-. He now also has a few white hairs which he has miracled for himself to make everyone think that time passes for us, I think he likes feeling like a silver fox. He has also been rocking the facial hair for a couple of years now, with sideburns and a pencil moustache to be exact. To top it all off, he always wears a bit of makeup, ever since he could after you had met him actually, a black upper lip and some black eyeliner and eye shadow. Some things stay the same however, you can still see the freckles that have always adorned his face. You love his freckles.

“Do I have something on my face?” Copia asks, you have been staring for too long. Bollocks.

“N-no, I was just wondering why you were wearing the sunglasses during the night again. Everyone is staring at you.” You try to excuse yourself.

“Oh, so you don’t like when everyone looks at me? Do you want me all to yourself, angel?” Your excuse bites you in the arse and now you are beet red, luckily there isn’t much light and Copia might not notice.

“On the contraire, my dear. You are too precious to keep to myself, that is why everyone is cheering your name when you help that little band of yours… They can’t get enough of you.” You frown at your own words, you just wanted to take the iron off the conversation, but you just ended up being crushed by an anvil of your own creation. Copia stayed silent at that, expression unreadable under the dark veil of the city.

Copia and you were nothing, just associates. You had been just that for centuries, always side by side. You helped humans, you enjoyed the pleasures of a human life, you spent your time right beside the other and also lived your own lives, but nothing had ever happened between the two of you. Not that it could ever happen, you are an angel and they are a demon, being together would be sacrilegious and most certainly it would make you fall. If you fell, there would be nothing left for you, all your heavenly purpose gone, just because you indulged in your carnal desires. Even if you did, maybe Copia didn’t feel the same towards you. You had heard all about his one-night stands and his participation in orgies from that insolent satanic Papal figure that Copia calls a friend. Nonetheless, there had been moments during your partnership when Copia’s behaviour had made you think that something else would be possible. Lingering touches, furtive looks and thoughtful gestures made you fall more and more. You weren’t falling, but you were falling. That scared you plenty, but it was harder trying to deal with Copia’s absence for weeks at a time helping the band which left for heart aching in pain. You decided to stop thinking about that.

----

At 9.25 pm you both enter your favourite restaurant. A very typical Italian restaurant that served Copia’s rigatoni of choice and your favourite pizza. With time it had become your spot. It wasn’t just a restaurant anymore, it was a place to meet and share information, to celebrate, to release stress by eating or just to spend time with one another. The restaurant was quite humble and very aesthetically Italian, which for you was a plus. Many of the eating spots throughout the city had become tourist traps, so you were grateful to keep the little spot intact. You had to help a couple of times with some miracles to avoid bankruptcy, but nothing too serious, just for the benefit of the family that owned the restaurant.

Carlo, the older son of the owner, has already your table prepared with your water and Copia’s wine, you sit and make your usual order. Apart from that both of you stay silent for a while, the awkwardness from your previous conversation still lingering in the air.

“I have to tell you something…” Copia finally breaks the silence.

“What is it?” You ask, taking a sip of your water.

“Do you remember when I sent you a message a couple of weeks ago when I was on the European tour?”

“Yes, you mentioned that you had found something, but you said nothing else…”

“Well, that was because I wasn’t quite sure, but now I am. I have found something.” You open your mouth slightly, not knowing what to say. “I have found a scroll, angel. One that is legible.” Your mouth opens completely and your eyebrows rise in surprise.

“Are you sure? We have been tricked before.” Copia nods.

“I know, that is why I have checked with my contacts…” You huff.

“You know I don’t like your ‘contacts’.”

“Yes, well, we have no other way of telling if it is real.” You stay silent, looking at your water.

“Have you translated it already?” You look back up to Copia’s eyes, looking for an answer and the smiles.

“Yes, and it is a very important one…”

“What-” Instead of telling you, Copia hands you a piece of paper. On it, there is a picture of a scroll with a writing in old Latin and under it a translation written in pen:

“Judas betrays Jesus +1 hell; Judas stays with Jesus +1 heaven”

----------------------

Here is the very first part of the Good Omens/Ghost AU with our dear Copia as our personal Crowley (also I am back at using song titles for the chapters). I have a lot of plans for this AU (even little side stories and drawings) so get hyped! This doesn't mean that I have abandoned other projects, I just had an ADHD moment with this fic so I had to do it. Let me know what you think as always and thank you for all the support.

#the band ghost #ghost #papa emeritus iv #cardinal copia #fanfic #thebandghost #papa iv #ghost the band #copia #papa copia #papa emeritus iv x reader #cardinal copia x reader #cardi c #good omens au

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bi-peanut · 1 year ago

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marauders hot takes

I'm at a sleep over and everyone else is asleep but I can't sleep so here are some of my marauders hot takes

I hate jegulus. I think it's wierd and disgusting. think about it, in both cannon and fannon james and sirius say they are like bothers, now why would you go and date someone you say is your brothers younger brother. also. regulus was a KNOWN deatheater, even before he officaly became one, everyone always knew he would. and james is the last person in the world who would go out with a literal deatheater

surrogate lily for jeglus is wrong wierd and in all comes down to misogyny. lily is one of if not the most important character in the marauders, without lily there would literally be no marauders because there would literally be no harry potter series in the first place. to diminish her character down to someone is is souly providing for two men is a prime example of misogyny within the marauders fandom

I hate the slytherin skittles. since when did we decide that literal deatheaters. LITTERAL TERRORISTS, were all cute and babygirl. why are we glorifying the horrific actions of these people by saying they are "morally grey" like babe terrorism is not grey its the darkest black you can imagine.

since I'm on it, the only reason people decided that the "slytherin skittles" were important was so that they could have more mlm in the fandom because let's face it, mlm is so wildly fetishied within the fandom.

saying you love barty and evan but hating on people like bellatrix and narcisa is misogyny.

saying you love barty and evan and hating on people like peter and Snape is hypocritical.

the only reason Snape doesn't receive the same treatment as barty and evan is because he can't be romanticised.

James potter is a straight man.

James and lily are endgame and sure fine think whatever about who they dated before but they will always be endgame.

sirius black would 100% say things about women that aren't right because it was the 70s and look at where he grew up.

sirius would 100% do the prank cause that is literally one of the few peices of cannon we have and it is totally in character.

all the young dudes was an amazing realistic representation and characterisation of the marauders.

marlene, Mary, dorcas etc are 100% underrated ans deserve more attention but people also need to remember that they have little to none cannon and the fandom originally started from just the marauders so it's much harder to form fannom for them.

the new portrayal of wolfstar is in most cases unrealistic and sometimes even a little bit fucked up in dynamics

sirius is a cis man. the only reason people headcannon him as trans is because of his long hair. he is literally cannonically androgynous, why can't we just let him be androgynous.

I 100% have so many more but its 4 am rn

if you disagree with me that's fine I don't really care but don't be a dick about it. if you disagree and want to ask me questions go ahead but once again, don't be a dick about it.

#friday’s chaos #andrew's chaos #marauders era #marauders #marauders hot takes #anti jegulus #anti rosekiller #also please ignore my spelling and gramar its 4 am and im wildly dyslexic

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maximilliansblog · 11 months ago

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Trans people! We need to give ourselves clear transition goals! /nf

Because for the past few years that I've been transitioning, I've just said that i want an androgynous look. But what does that actually look like?

See, i'm genderfluid, and i would like to have a flexible look that can change with my gender representation. I would love to just be Bram from Scooby Doo Music of the Vampire (good job if you remember that movie, much less this guy) when I'm masc. Here I'll find a picture of him.

This guy right here. There were like no pictures of him online lol. But this would be a very unrealistic transition goal for several reasons. One: He is like 6 feet tall and I am 5'3". Two: He is skinnier/more well-toned than me. Three: He has this very gothy vampirey look (If you want to know more, he was basically in some kind of acting troupe that did vampire stuff but then he wanted to become an actual vampire so he became a bad guy and kidnapped Daphne as a sacrifice. It didn't work. Sorry for the infodump I literally pretended to be this character so much when I was a kid lol) that I would not be putting on every day, and even if I did, that would not look normal!

So what would be a reasonable transition goal? We should have a clear picture of what we want. There's tons of pictures of people on the internet, so we'll find one. But you have to consider a few things.

1.) Your height (You can only change this by an inch or two with those things you put in your shoes).

2.) Your weight (You can change this, but it takes a lot of hard work. I would recommend making your transition goal just how you are currently, but if your outwards expression matched your internal gender).

3.) Your face shape

4.) Your hair type (I really wanted to be one of those "fluffy haired" boys/enbies from Pinterest, but my hair falls flat on my head and has no texture! I tried to get that hair for over a year, but in the end, I couldn't change my hair type!)

5.) Your skintone

6.) Your muscle tone (You can also change this but like I said with the weight, you want to make your transition goal as achieveable as possible! You can always tone up once you reach that goal).

7.) Your personal clothing style

8.) Oh yeah most importantly, will your outward appearance be masculine, feminine, or androgynous (this can be genderless or a mix of feminine and masculine traits)? It is perfectly okay if you want to go for a look that is not traditional! Like if you're a trans man who wants to dress more feminine or something. That's totally fine!

All of these things must be considered when you find your references. I'm calling these pictures "references", like what artists use to make their art piece.

So for my references, I have to consider that I am 5'3", overweight but not quite plus-sized, I have a round face shape, a very fine and flat hair type, a cool-toned pale skintone, no muscle tone, a casual clothing style, and I want a masculine-leaning androgynous appearance. It would be very hard to find a reference with every single one of these traits! So collect multiple! Find one for your haircut that you're going to get, one for the clothes you will wear, etc. You can also edit images to look more like you, by darkening the skin tone (I don't recommend doing the opposite ^^) or slightly changing the face shape. It is also good to find pictures of fellow trans people with your traits as inspiration.

Here are the images that I found:

I narrowed it down to hair, body type, and fashion, but you can have as many references as you want!

Now of course, you won't look exactly like your references! In the end, you are you! Every person is unique. But hopefully, having a clear transition goal will help you in your journey :)

Have a lovely day you lovely person!

#trans #trans tips #transmasc #transfem #transgender #trans man #trans guy #trans masc #trans fem #trans woman #transgirl #trans pride #transition goals #maximilliansblogstuff

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the-s1lly-corner · 1 year ago

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gender dysphoria comfort for afab reader x spot?? :p

Spot comforting an AFAB/trans reader

Rubs my autistic little hands (in a cool nonbinary way)

Not gonna specify if reader is a trans man/nonbinary or somewhere in between/else where so!!!

Heavy projection on my end because my dysphoria is kinda. Raging

But also idk how to comfort myself so this is gonna translate into spot bouncing around

It shows so bad that I!! Am bad at outright comfort <\3

Happy pride by the by! Not sure if I said that over here yet

YEEEAAAAAH 4am posting REAL

Right off the bat I wanna make it clear that this man would snag some stuff for you

Of course he does this in general, but hes more than willing to get you things that may help you express yourself

Clothes, are a big one! Need a new wardrobe? Hes already on it! Same applies to other things you may need

On the fence on if he would snag some hormones for you; since he doesnt wanna risk taking them from someone else

Actually ykw

Bros a scientist

Be can probably make his own solutions

Anyways onto the actual

Ask

Admittedly Spot is not the best at comforting others, so his go to is self projection; if that makes sense

Applies what he knows cheers him up to you?? Like venting and physical affection can help him get through rough patches, so he'll try to urge you to vent during a cuddle session

Reinforces that you look handsome; though hes down with calling you anything if that isnt your cup of tea

Hes a scientist, he does research! Listens to every word you say and sucks up any information regarding the topic he can find

Offers some tips on passing, if that's what you need

OOOOOH BRAIN BLAST

You guys have self care days together as is, but you guys tend to have them on days things get rough

Basic.. self care things. Low stress activities, you both go shopping (stealing) (hes wearing s shitty disguise), things like that

He toooootally doesnt target anyone who purposefully gets your pronouns or name wrong! What? What do you mean that rude person lost everything out of no where, y/n? He doesn't know what you're talking about, he doesn't know anything about anyone

Easily your biggest fan and supporter, your personal hypeman

Generally he let's you know that he loves you, and that regardless of how you present youre amazing and valid. He may not know the best way to comfort you all the time, but he's trying his best to hear you out and advocate for you! While he may not be the most... ferocious.. man out there, but he's quite vocal to anyone who dares try to tell you otherwise! Whether you present more feminine, masculine, or androgynous; he'll be right at your side

Also now that I think about it, if he got his hands on the material he'd definitely try to make a way to literally. Just change your sex right there to align with how you feel

If the dude can make a mini collider on his own he can probably make the transgenderinator

#atsv #atsv spot #spot x reader #the spot #the spot x reader #jonathan ohnn #jonathan ohnn x reader

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positivelybeastly · 10 months ago

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Would you consider beast being a closet bisexual @

"I'm an open heterosexual, thank you very much, and I would recommend that in future, you keep such speculation to yourself."

"Ehehehey, well, wow, that's quite the question, not often I get accused of being a closet anything, but, ah, pretty firmly straight over here, friend."

"Despite what you may have heard from the press or a certain ex-girlfriend of mine, I am quite firmly in the heterosexual camp."

"I think someone needs to have gone on a date sometime in the last year to be qualified to be anything sexual, no?"

"Asexual aromantic. And if you ask again, I shall be displeased."

"Do you have a pulse? Are you happy with scalpels in the bedroom? Actually, your answer to that second question doesn't particularly matter, we'll get you warmed up in no time at all."

All right, so this is one of those moments where I have to pull back the curtain a little bit and talk about how I play a character who is canonically heterosexual, but whom I read to be bisexual because it's truer to the character as I find them.

Now, you know, I actually misremembered how this conversation went? I remembered Emma saying that Hank had never had so much as a gay thought, but that's not what she says here. She say that Hank has never had any kind of physical relationship with another man, and . . . you know what, I kind of believe that to be true.

Because as much as I fucking love THIS moment, it's not a relationship.

We can all agree that a kiss is not a relationship.

However.

. . . Guys, Hank is, like . . . really queer.

This post sums it up nicely, but yeah, Hank acts in a very over the top, dandified manner, over speaking and over-exaggerating everything about himself so that you won't pay attention to the blatantly obvious. He performs masculinity in a way that reads as overcompensating because he feels like he's been othered by his mutation.

There's also panels like this.

"Flirt with everything this side of Boy George."

Boy George being the androgynous gay icon of the 1980s, yes?

And this is coming from Hank's girlfriend, who he has admitted in dialogue to only really being with because she feels stable and safe and familiar, a tether to his old life in a time when he feels without a direction in life?

Like, this isn't me putting words into Hank's mouth, this is HIS dialogue during a time when he was arguably his most heterosexual! Yeah, you could just read it as him having a wandering eye, because he's a very flirtatious fellow, but that really isn't how it reads, is it? It reads as, I need reassurance I'm doing adult, normal things while my life goes weird, abnormal places.

It reads as, I think I'm kinda fucking queer but I'm too afraid to admit it.

Because lemme be real with you, this is Hank at his most heterosexual, but there's. Some. Stuff. Going on here.

"I was GOING to go out on a date with you, really pretty girlfriend, but then my MALE friend turned up and I just got so excited that I went out with my MALE friend and am basically hanging on his every word and eager to impress him, while the straight people at the table (Isaac and Dolly) are on an actual date, and Overmind sounded concerned about three wheeling a date when they asked to come with?"

Ladies and gentlemen, I am a gay man, and I have never been in just a towel around my best friend while he scrubbed another man's back, because that's just a little gay.

Hey, did you know Bobby's gay?

I don't bring that up for any real reason, just, you know.

And then there's Simon.

Oh boy is there Simon.

From Earth-763, but.

Like.

Come on, man.

When Logan and Hercules did this shit, people were celebrating in the streets because it confirmed bisexual Wolverine, but when Hank and Simon do it, no-one gives a fuck.

But that's an alternate universe. All they've done in 616 is kiss (GAY), so maybe it's just, you know, horsing around.

Right?

Hank, you don't look happy to be put down.

Hank never smiles like this on the X-Men. I'm not exaggerating. I've read X-Men comics for nearly 20 years, and Hank does not smile around other people like he does around Simon Williams. He looks fulfilled. He looks free. He looks delighted, constantly.

Are you two gonna fucking hold hands, like, WHAT?

And you know what, let's talk about the X-Men.

Scott, for someone who said very firmly that Hank wasn't gay before, you don't even throw that in there first?

Is it because of what comes next?

I'm - sorry? What in the FUCK are you trying to say to me?

And let's, for a moment, turn to Dark Beast. Because he has some words on the matter.

You know what, yeah, Dark Beast does seem like the idea to suck, fuck, thrust and kill his way through a Tuesday night, honestly.

And look, I know that alternate universes are shaky ground to be drawing conclusions from, but, like . . . this is. Getting to be rather a lot of very suggestive dialogue.

Look, I get that there's not quite the same amount of outright coding that Bobby had before he was forced out of the closet (Cloud, Emma Frost's prodding at his mind, all the stuff stacking up across Lobdell and Austen and Liu), but it's still . . . questionable. Isn't it? Like, at this point, I have to question why we think Hank has to be straight. Which is why I don't think he is.

So, now we get to the point of the evening where I pull at the curtain, because how Hank talks about himself in my threads works according to a certain kind of logic - canonically, as of right now, 21st of January 2024, he's officially straight, so any references to canon events will be as if he's 'straight' but actually just closeted bisexual. Because I care about continuity and keeping my facts straight and drawing as closely from the comics as possible - within reason - but my interpretation still takes precedence.

And my interpretation is that Hank, at any point in his life, is a bisexual man who feels afraid to admit it. But here's the question you're going to ask - WHY is he afraid to admit it?

You could go with an answer that draws on canon, and point out that when he tested the waters with coming out as gay, Scott and Emma both basically verbally smacked him and said he wasn't.

But that's not my style. I don't personally read it that way.

In my mind, Hank considers coming out to be That One Last Step Past Normal that goes too far. Like, it's one thing if he's a blue furred, canonically kinky, canonically weird, basically canonically bipolar, canonically psychologically damaged beast, but if he's a blue furred kinky weird bipolar psychologically damaged bisexual beast, that's the point where people will turn on him and be disgusted.

I could see him drawing that invisible line and deciding, I have to keep this one aspect of me to myself because I can't trust people to accept that from me. I think Hank has conditioned himself to believe that being accepted is something he has to earn over and over again, in part because of how Xavier schooled the X-Men's train of thought on that, but also because, unlike Nightcrawler, he knows what it's like to go from passing to not passing, and experiencing that scarred him in a way?

Like, one of the last bits of good Hank content we got before Krakoa was that Christmas special where he's back at his parents' for the holiday, and he can hear them talking from downstairs, and they're their usual lovely sweet selves, but they mention wanting grandkids, and . . . for someone whose bedrock, whose psychological wellbeing, is so incredibly dependent on other people, especially his parents and friends, I could see him being terrified of threatening that, even if it means he has to hide a part of who he is (perhaps unnecessarily).

There may be a degree of that where I'm projecting, because I had to deal with my dad being very heteronormative for a while after I realised I was gay, and even though I was certain he wouldn't reject me because of it, it felt easier to just not challenge that and let it slide because What If, you know?

But I feel like it makes sense for how Hank is, with his very tenuous relationship with feeling accepted, and I feel like this also accounts for why Emma 'saw' that he was straight in New X-Men, because he's wound himself into a psychological knot to the point where he reads as straight telepathically, even though he doesn't act like it and isn't.

If there weren't hints, I'd be inclined to be like, okay, maybe I'm just reading it this way because I see myself in Hank and him being a bit more like me makes me happy, but then there are GENUINE hints. The Exiles relationship, the fact that everyone basically treats Hank as Simon's emotional support, EVEN HIS GIRLFRIEND, and then the DeMatteis comment from Vera about how he flirts with everything this side of Boy George.

This isn't looking at pre-Krakoa Logan and Scott and thinking, yeah, they have tension, they want to fuck, this is looking at this guy who is extremely sex positive, flirtatious, open minded, and hearing from his girlfriend that he doesn't confine himself just to the purely feminine.

And it's also, like . . . like, I've talked about this with my boyfriend, and people love to throw out the YOU'LL JUST SHIP ANYTHING accusation, and maybe that's kinda true for some people, but I find I don't do that. Like, there are people out there who ship Hank with Cyclops, and I'm like . . . sure, fine. I don't personally see it, but you go for it, my dude.

If I genuinely did just want Hank to be an action figure that I smash with other action figures in a gay way, I feel like I'd have a stronger reaction, but instead, I look at the way he is with Bobby, and with Simon, and even, to a degree, with Logan (pre Krakoa, obvs), and I'm like . . . this is not the way a straight man acts. This reads as a bisexual man who doesn't feel like he can be 100% himself because he feels as though he's already asking a lot of people to accept him as he presents himself to be.

Hank's entire character from, like, moment one makes so much sense when you understand that he's basically always playing someone else. Sometimes it's who he wants to be, sometimes it's who he thinks other people need him to be, a lot of the time it's who people want him to be - like, I was reading the 2004 Nightcrawler solo the other day, and Kurt is internally narrating about how everyone on the X-Men is just an emotional basket case EXCEPT Hank, and I'm like . . . THIS.

THIS RIGHT HERE, is what the problem is! No-one on the X-Men is capable of seeing that Hank is constantly performing, and just how exhausting it is. That's why Simon is such a breath of fresh air, because Simon doesn't need him to perform, he just needs Hank to be . . . fuck, man, he just needs Hank to be happy, because that makes him happy, and the sheer lack of self-interest inherent in that dynamic is such a GIANT part of why I think Hank finds Simon so attractive. Like, imo, Scott's so insistent that Hank isn't gay during the New X-Men arc because of all of this, because he fell for the act, because he thinks this is just another joke that Hank is gonna duck behind.

Scott is SO INSISTENT that Hank isn't gay, and it's like, bro . . . Scoot . . . how do you know? You barely know what you want on a good day, and you think that just 'cause you and Hank hung around in the OG X-Men locker rooms for three years that you know him better than anyone else? He was on the Avengers and the Defenders and he has so many friends that you just DON'T KNOW ABOUT. How. Do. U. Kno. Scoot. Like, in universe, if Hank was working his way up to maybe coming out, and using the excuse of a joke to do it, THAT kind of reaction, and Emma TELLING him that he isn't gay, would push me RIGHT back in the closet.

If there wasn't coding, if there wasn't a genuine basis to this, it wouldn't have come up in Exiles, honestly. Like . . . okay, so multiversal stories are an excuse to do off the wall shit, right, and especially make characters gay just to push and prod and see what actually changes, right, like Governor Logan and Hercules, but they can also reveal a good amount of truth about a character out of what DOESN'T change.

And on a meta level, like, SOMETHING made Jeff Parker think Hank and Simon worked. He didn't pick Hank and Bobby, he didn't pick Hank and Hercules, he didn't pick Hank and Warren - Hank has NO shortage of male friendships you could pick from, but he picked Simon, and it's because there's enough there that even if you don't buy it for 616, it makes sense for a multiversal thing. Which means there's SOMETHING THERE.

And Ben Percy, cursed be his name, only added to that with X-Force. The idea that Simon is somehow going to be the catalyst for whatever awakening of classic, GOOD Hank is going to happen is just so . . . like, he still clearly cares for Abigail? They were on panel doing the eye socket thing? But, and this is partly because of who Abigail is, the narrative did not change because of her presence. But it does when Simon's around.

Yeah, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, but sometimes a cigar is something to unpack. Like, I really Do Not Know how Hank became 'the straightest X-Man,' because A) have you fucking read Avengers and Defenders, and B) even discounting ALL of that . . . do you not find Hank's way of acting to be a little . . . you know . . . effete? Like, yeah, it's an act, he's playing the dandy, he's offsetting his appearance, but there are other things you can do to offset the Beast.

So why does he always go back to the brightly coloured suits, the loud fashion, the high energy, the camp, the billion dollar words - to put it bluntly, why does he always seem to act just a lil' fruity?

So, yes, in my mind, he's a closeted bisexual man, and that's how I play him. Thank you for coming to my lecture.

#vinial453 #outofmuffins #verse: all-new #verse: earth's mightiest!#verse: getting by #verse: each of us is a nest of lies #verse: another time and another place

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rabdoidal · 1 year ago

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tag game! 🎧🎶 tagged by @theocannibalism shuffle your music library and share the first 10 songs that come up.

Thanks bud! Shuffling my liked instead of my playlists for fairness ✌️

Waiting For The Weekend by San Cisco: a decent song! I liked it more in uni but it's certainly still musically pretty - it's a little trite to write a love song about drugs being personified, but San Cisco can make anything a sexy indie jam (7/10) Favourite line: And when she's standing right next to me / She's never quite as close as I'd like her to be

Your Dog by Soccer Mommy: a STELLAR song by a band truly so close to my heart - my fav combination in music is a clean voice and dirty bass. also this song also has a fucked up relationship dynamic and its. very Izzy Hands to me sorry (10/10) Favourite line: Forehead kisses break my knees / And leave me crawling back to you

Pulaski at Night by Andrew Bird: another top tier banger but also (shout out to artificial ghost radio listeners) this is my NBC hannigram song its so. like the classical instruments and delusional sweetness makes it feel like a candlelit waltz in a blood splattered suit (10/10) Favourite line: I write you a story / But it loses its thread / And all of my witnesses / Keep turning up, turning up dead

Paint It, Black by The Rolling Stones: truly wild that this is in my likes because its a great song but its like. I don't think I've ever intentionally listened to the rolling stones apart from this? anyway bangers only I always love how dramatic and goth it is (8/10) Favourite line: No more will my green sea / Go turn a deeper blue

Androgynous by The Replacements: this song honestly makes me tear up sometimes, even tho its purely joyful, because it makes me think about how its a song from the 80s that has more kindness and love for genderqueer people than most people do 40 years later. It makes me love being t4t (9/10) Favourite line: Now, something meets boy, and something meets girl / They both look the same / They're overjoyed in this world

Cinnamon Spider by Jack Off Jill: nothing wrong with an alt/goth song about revenge and guilt with weird voice modulated screaming and creepy whispering (7/10) Favourite line: Consumed by hate and guilt, she'll never retire / Too old to fix, too dead to ever acquire

Human Fly by The Cramps: I've been listening to a lot of rockabilly/oldhead goth rock recently and I'm loving the cramps! I've only really heard the big hits until recently, but Human Fly is definitely my stand-out favourite, I love songs that are kinda nasty and maggoty or more conceptual or goofy! It makes it stand out to me (10/10) Favourite line: And baby I won't care / 'Cuz baby I don't scare / 'Cuz I'm a reborn maggot using germ warfare

The Price Is Right Theme Song by Antarctigo Vespucci: I'm a little over listening to indie emo at the moment so I do frequently skip this when it comes on shuffle, but the lyricism is honestly heartbreaking (5/10) Favourite line: Oh my lord, I wish that I didn't know they'll still make TV shows long after I go.

Big Bird by AJJ: I have thoughts feelings comments and critiques of AJJ, but I can't deny that if you want to be in a dangerously bad mood it hits. it completely hits. and I think its interesting that they make songs about taboo intrusive thoughts and criticisms they have of the world, even if i dont always love the song they make in the end (6/10) Favourite line: So I bought a knife / I am a knife / I am a Knife Man

Arty Boy by Flight Facilities ft. Emma Louise: a real vibey party song about being inexplicably into the guy taking photos and smoking at the function instead of dancing - to me it reads as a little comphet, or a little bit bisexual, because the way Emma Louise is singing about the ladies is a lil sus (7/10) Favourite line: And all the girls must be models here, sipping up on margaritas / Twist their bodies so beautiful, making shapes with the music

idk who to tag but if you want an excuse to do this, go with my blessing and pretend I tagged you

#personal #tag meme #music rec #long post

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hellokittyballsack · 4 months ago

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WAIT. DO U ALSO HC DRIX AS TRANSFEM. OR AM I. LOSING MY MIND.

I DO IN A WAY ? ITS COMPLEX SORRY

i dont like labels but i do refer to drix as she/her because i see her motherly love and gentle soul that she carries around on her sleeve. i love her sm... ARGHH also i love ur pfp

(im gonna use this opportunity to rant about labels since i was looking for an opportunity to share this somewhere NOT MAD AT U OR ANYTHING LOL TLDR: hairy balding cis men are beautiful women the way they are ♥️ masculinity can be feminine vice versa if you let it be🖖)

you can skip blue text and just read the green part, blue's more of a personal experience laadeedaa!!

🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻

with a lot of my fav cis male characters i tend to slowly start calling them she/her the more i love them, dont really know why but i think thats just me projecting since im a trans man so i cant really enjoy femininity authentically, yknow? (or the way i want to) ide get misgendered since the body i was born with is "female" or "feminine". 🍅 🍅 🍅

plus im almost certain if i was somehow flipped and born a cis man ide still end up transitioning(not medically but thats a personal thing) and then yearning for masculinity, simply because i hate how these bodies limit the perception people have of me. i want to be my own person, identify as me first, not to have my label define me or my identity for that matter bc identity is SO much more complex than just one word.

its like Ying Yang but sadly i cant ever be a true neutral because that would mean dressing androgynous which i cant do because me, dressing androgynous, would just be a boyish girl. and me dressing masculine would get the results of "being seen as androgynous" because of how my body is naturally. but is that fair at all? so the only thing i can do to be seen as masculine is to medically change my body? ☹️

and i dont want to be seen as androgynous either at all, i love my male identity, dont love what comes with it but love it. and want to be perceived as masculine, ..but being androgynous is the only way you can build up your identity on your own without someone viewing you with a gender filter on their glasses.(sorry for the shit metaphor) and after people find out whats in your pants they will immediately talk to you differently and that SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if i want to put on a dress that doesnt make me a woman or a feminine man, let me enjoy this dress, masculine-ly ‼️‼️🤲 PLEASE

🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻

(⚠️this isnt relative to the asked question as explained prior, use labels all you want guys but know its okay if someone doesnt use labels ect ect. just explaining the jist here quickly⚠️) sometimes people use labels to put others into boxes and focus on "whats womanly" / "whats manly" --- so its difficult to have people respect your identity while "breaking the rules" (their rules) of said identity. aswell as people focusing on the physical. (body and such) rather than finding beauty in feminine and masculine features you have without that lowering your validity of said identity. this being said that usually happens in heteronormative spaces BUT it occasionally slips in into the lgbtq community.

masculinity can be femininity vice versa, its not just black and white 🫂 body hair can be both for example, even in "masculine" areas, it still can be feminine. and that should go for any body part, clothes, action, interest or anything for that matter ♥️♥️

🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻🔻

like with peter strahm from Saw (aswell as mark hoffman) thru months of writing scenarios between them and my brainrot i now see them as the most beautifully gorgeous women and that includes all their hairy appendages. that doesnt necessarily mean i headcanon them as transfem, i see their "male" bodies to be the peak of feminine beauty, as well as their masculinity. i mean that i dont "genderbend" them and turn them into cis women, and i dont add or take away from the original character, longer hair or a sudden change of clothes, or trans scars even though im trans myself and will probably end up with such scars (in a perfect world i would be seen as male with or without boobs) theyre perfect the way they are and i love them dearly oh so much 🫂🫂🫂🫂....(not saying its bad to do any of that, live your truth) i may draw them wearing dresses or lipstick time to time but thats not what defines their identity as women, who says theyre 100% only women either fuck it lets go full genderqueer!! theyll never be cis women yes, but thats not what my goal is at all. trans love everybody ♥️ transexual pride!! ♥️♥️(and even if you dont identify as trans but still arent cis ♥️♥️youre valid however you feel, whenever ⭐) But that doesnt mean i headcanon them as trans also, theyre them, and i want to see them shine, not being shadowed by a label or limited by one, that goes for Drix too. that doesnt mean im against such label, though theres really no way of explaining without it SOUNDING like i am, go fuckall with your headcanons imagination is free!!!! just labels arent for me AND THATS OKAY

theyre all my girls who are boys who are girls MUAH 💋

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miss-ali-lawliet · 5 months ago

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Hello and welcome to my blog!

I decided to redo my introduction post since it's very outdated!

I am Alice but you can call me Ali

This is going to be a somewhat simple introduction post and what to expect with my posts!

When I first made the blog, it's main focus was Death Note for a majority of the time, but now I have expanded it to other interests I have! Such as: Attack on Titan, Dungeon Meshi, Adventure Time, Death Note, Madoka Magica, Teen Titans, and more! Completely depends on my mood to be honest lmao

But anyways onto the info!

♥ Some things about me! ♥

☾ I’m a Writer and Artist

☾ 22

☾ Bisexual and Demisexual.

☾ She/Her pronouns but also totally fine with masc terms like man, dude, bro, etc. I'm pretty androgynous!

☾ I'm Autistic

☾ Hufflepuff

☾ INFP

♥ What type of content to expect ♥

This blog was made to be my writing blog, to share things for x readers for characters I love, but it has also expanded to me writing about my own characters in the media I love!

I haven’t had a lot of motivation for art a lot, but there’s a possibility I’ll post some art ! For the most part I like to reblog and share art and other posts when I'm not posting my own art and writing!

My asks are open to feel free to send in asks about anything aot, dungeon meshi, death note, etc related or any questions you might just have in general! Even when my requests are closed my asks will remain open.

My writing at the moment is SFW but still I prefer interacting mainly with other adults!

♥ Some extra things I feel like I should mention ♥

I'm honestly in a lot of fandoms and have a lot of interests, you'' see a mix of them all here in the things I repost/share! Everything should be tagged accordingly, and If you want to know what I’m into, simply ask or DM me!

If you are looking for someone to talk to about these medias or something like that, feel free to dm me! I really want to make some friends in the fandom! I would prefer if you are over 18 before you message me though, thank you.

When it comes to my requests with writing I’ll mainly be focusing on characters x readers, but I may open it up to characters x characters depending on the ship.

My special characters you'll see a lot: Armin Arlert, Laios Touden, Falin Touden, L Lawliet, and probably more!

♥ Conclusion ♥

Alright! That should be the main things you should be about all the main points about my blog, hopefully it all made sense and told you a bit about me. If you have any questions or anything, don’t be afraid to ask!

I hope you all have a great day/night wherever you are and don’t forget to stay hydrated and take care of yourselves!

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gerrydelano · 8 months ago

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i need to catch up on your fics but i am chin hands about trans fem gerry. i remember you talking about it before but id love to hear any new or updated thoughts :0

some of it would be spoilers for the PBR epilogue so i'm going to keep that to myself until then, but! ultimately i just was thinking about the fact that he uses she/her pronouns and enters Girl Mode in his happiest moments, his most intimate and vulnerable moments with people he trusts to love him, and what that says about his actual state of being outside of those moments. it means he's not fully happy or comfortable, there's something holding him back, which i've gathered is a fairly common feeling.

he's still got an attachment to being A Son specifically it's just rooted in his being but look me in the eyes and tell me that ever made him feel safe in his own body or head or surroundings. y'know? there's spoiler territory there with that part of the discussion though so heehee.

(not that long i just don't want everything stretching the dash where i might not be able to edit it later)

i do think she's always going to identify himself as a fag though which is also pretty common because things are more complicated than they are binary and he's always a color wheel understander. his gender is faglady but realistically her gender is also just nothing you could comprehend if you're not open to contradiction. you can't expect him to fit into neat little boxes, she just won't do it, it's not anybody else's business but his.

so. transfem gay man is probably still where he's at in general at this point in time in my writing but as time has gone on his egg has increasingly cracked lol it's just a matter of like... what's going on in his life, who she's with, how safe he feels being herself. as of right now, she saves herself for tim and tim is nothing but reverent about it and i could go ON about how her sex life goes hand in hand with her gender but i don't want to flood the dash with BDSM discussion LOL even though i have thoughts for MILES about it. i talked a bit about it in the link above iirc. it's incredibly soft and meaningful and also, crucially, sexy. but mostly it just makes her feel so incredibly safe and desired and respected and these are all things that were previously missing from her life in such a huge way, like.

look at his life. look at the life he's lived and tell me he's ever been fully happy playing the role he was put in. the expectations his mother had of him, that gertrude had of him, the way he was expected to obey and sacrifice and even hurt people at times because that's just how the world works, right.

well, he's never wanted to participate in that way of living! and he only did it as a survival mechanism because where else could he go but always come back home to mary and her dreams for him which were always just an extension of herself, he was nothing to her but an extension of herself and her wants and her beliefs and he was anything but that, even when he tried to blend in. half the time he measures his life from injury to injury. his whole life felt like nothing but punishment and for a long time he wouldn't even know what for.

it can be such a transgender narrative if you look at it. the repression that he'd have had to deal with is insane even if you look at how loud and proud he is about his sense of style (which is extremely queer in and of itself.)

and i also just do not buy transmasc gerry i'm so sorry you can absolutely have that HC if you want and i will not attack you for it but look at him. listen to him. and also remember that eric, who died when gerry was 2 years old, referred to him as his son. sorry but that to me says he's amab because He Was Un Bebe. also in what WORLD would mary be a supportive parent to a trans kid. she literally insists on calling him by his full birth name that he DOESN'T LIKE BEING CALLED; classic trans thing! he canonly has a PREFERRED name. a preferred androgynous name!

it just makes more sense to me that he's transfem. i don't believe he has a desire to be all that traditionally masculine. he literally is so gnc in canon and his whole life just reads to me as "person who did not get the chance to fully embrace themselves because everything was just too damn hard." i also enjoy depicting people transitioning later in life, because it's never too late! it's NEVER too late to embrace who you are and work out who you've wanted to be for a long time.

i think he still lives in ambiguity and grey areas and blindspots. it may not have even occurred to him that she wanted to transition until later in life anyway because life never slowed the fuck down for him enough to let himself ask the questions! but he knew he wanted his hair long. he paints his nails. he wears eyeliner and dangly jewelry and alt clothes and yeah, cis people can do that, but it's also a way to flag! a very strong way of flagging! these are all the things that felt right to him in canon and no one stays that alt into their thirties without a little bit of gender going on somewhere in the mix, be serious, y'know? g-d. i'm so invested forever in gerry's gender jfhbnkjn.

he doesn't like labels, he really doesn't. and she might not ever call herself a woman as much as a lady in particular but she likes the phrases "good girl" and "princess" in bed, she likes being seen as feminine in comparison to a partner, she has feminine preferences. she would probably use more reclaimed slurs to refer to herself than i'm comfortable just tossing around but like, a lot of people prefer those as identifiers than "man" or "woman" like i refer to myself as a fag dyke all the time and it's more affirming to me than trying to decide if i'm a trans guy or if i'm a butch dyke At All Times. gender can be complicated! i think it IS complicated for gerry at the moment with his baggage but i imagine if he were ever able to really let go of that baggage, she'd be a very different, happier person. i think she would like it to be simpler sometimes. she treats it simply even if other people might not be able to. she's really calm about all of it, and even as it changes, it just makes her confidence grow. really comes down to the people she's surrounded by and the opportunities that she manages to grab a hold of in terms of finally letting herself just be. and i just think the results of it are really gorgeous.

anyway transfem gerry truther forever

#asks #wytchcore #f slur #ronologues #more like just an infodump but yeah

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